#post ep 100

[ssaahthings]

I aimed to help you, in return you helped me too. (Reciprocity)

Sometimes you noticed when things were off with Hotch, it seemed like a glitch in his armor. Specifically moments when you would hand him his coffee if it was out of reach, as he would move around any table the team was working at; walking and thinking. Your fingers would brush and his grip would tighten. It happened when you would squeeze by to step into the elevator at the office in Quantico, arms brush by, and he would freeze. It was never a noticeable thing, if anything it was only retrospectively apparent in those moments.

When it became clear to you, that he was likely touch starved, was when you needed to hold on to his arm to balance yourself because you had a rock stuck in your shoe; you felt his bicep flex under your fingers and heard his breath hitch yet when you casted a glance up at him he was focused on the squad cars parked in front of the crime scene you were needed at, your interest was piqued then.

After that you began noticing he would never partake in the physical camaraderie; Emily would hug and lean on JJ, Morgan would ruffle Reid's hair as he passed the genius and throw an arm around Penelope when she joined them from her office, and Rossi would pat their backs in a paternal manner when he spoke to them. Sure he had Jack, to hug and cuddle with but you deemed it was different with a father-son relationship, he most likely thought he was giving his son what he needed. Aaron Hotchner is selfless like that, one of the reasons you love him as much as you do.

For a while it was all observations and your heightened sense to notice patterns, especially when it was regarding the man himself.

You were already having a bad day today, the team had made a miscalculated judgement based on the competency of the officers in the local precinct, who were also ridiculing you as well as the whole of the team, but because of the past days, past week, past month it hit you harder than the rest of your coworkers. It's not like you don't know you can go to them with your troubles, considering they're also your closest friends, it's just hard to paraphrase it in a way that would make sense. It felt like everyone was going through something this time of year, but with the jobs you all had, there wasn't much else to do but move onward.

So here you were, standing next to Hotch who was holding a piece of gauze to his forehead from where the unsub's submissive partner, the team had failed to profile, struck him from trying to save the offender you were after. Your eyes roamed his face, his arms, his chest cataloging to make sure he wasn't harmed anywhere else. When you heard the paramedic say he didn't need to go into the hospital you sighed in relief and took some of the fresh pieces of bandages that had been placed beside him and offered to take over cleaning and bandaging him up, making sure he was okay.

"Y/N, you know you don't have to do this." You heard Hotch mumble, seemingly far away but still alert enough to be aware of his surroundings, always on guard like that.

You nod and smile softly and you say, "I know, but it's making me feel better to take care of you right now." You finish cleaning off the blood from his face, gently press the ends of the butterfly bandage in place, "There, good as new." You let him know you were done, squeezing his arm for nonverbal punctuation.

You notice again that he tenses and avoids your gaze, "Hotch? Are you okay?"

"Aaron?"

Still no response, you think back to when he got injured and you don't remember his arm being hurt, so then you start to remember all the other times he's tensed up and you remember all the evidence that leads to him being touch starved, you remember the time you had to physically lean on him for support.

But by the time you're ready to do something about it, he's already assigning tasks to the team and then it's back to the hotel. You have to stop by the precinct to wrap up and grab your work and personal belongings when you overhear some officer make a snide comment about you and your team, it puts you on edge and in order not to make things more complicated you keep quiet and leave for the hotel.

You're quiet and they all notice it, they see how your shoulders are tense and that you're not joining in on the conversation, and you fail to hear the others making plans for dinner or to notice how Hotch is acutely observing you, trying to piece together why you're feeling the way you are in that moment.

His room is on the same floor as yours, across from yours even, so when you walk up to your room and just stand there, Hotch is watching you from the doorway of his. He takes a step forward leaving the door open, observing you.

"Y/N?" Aaron spoke softly as to not disturb the quietness of the hallway.

You turned around and looked at him, he seemed to be concerned. "Hmm?"

"Are you okay? You've been off since we got back to P.D." His voice tender, eyes shining under the lights.

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine, Hotch. Don't worry about me." You wave him off unconvincingly.

"You sure? Because you could come in and we can order room service for dinner, the others already left. You could consider it making things even for you patching me up." He vaguely gestures to his head.

That amuses you, so you smile and agree, crossing the way into his room, looking it over your eyes fall on the open windows on the opposite side, "You got a really nice view of the city, I just face the nextdoor building." You sigh dramatically, side eyeing him so he knows you're just teasing.

"Yeah, but I'm sure it's a great building." He retorts, "What would you like to eat?" holding the phone and menu card in his hand

"I think we've eaten enough around each other for you to know what my preferences are." You turn to face him, with a brow raised.

He huffs out a laugh and nods your way, afterwards placing your dinner order. It was a timid sense of normalcy, forgetting what the day trailed behind the two of you, your nerves come back so abruptly it it feels like a force knocked a breath out of you, and of course he notices it. He notices you.

"Y/N... I'm here if you want to talk about what happened. I noticed that you seemed a bit shaken up after we came back." He comments while moving to stand before you, the sincerity in his eyes gives you the illusion of making them brighter, and your heart clenches for him in affection.

"It's just... been a tough day, Hotch." You confess, keeping your eyes wide in order to combat the stinging behind them that you know means you'll start crying soon, "at first it was one of those days, you know? The kind that you just go through the motions, but ultimately you're alright in the end. And then I had to deal with those officers, they belittled me so much but I know with this job and being on this team, we have a duty to a sense of professionalism, so I kept my mouth shut, reserved. And then you-" You blinked and a rogue tear escaped, keeping your eyes closed for a moment while you let out a hushed, "I was so scared when I saw you get hit... It was hard to focus because I needed to make sure you were okay but we also had a job to do."

Your eyes begin to sting further with oncoming unshed tears, blinking rapidly to fight the sensation and giving up the fight to falsely show your resolve. With your view downcast you noticed one of Aaron's tells for when he was contemplating something; his thumb would move up and down his index and middle fingers. Up and down two times, switch, up and down two times more. Your mind begins to race, what could the eloquent Aaron Hotchner be contemplating saying or doing in front of, or to you.

Whatever it was you looked up and locked eyes with him, something unspoken passed and all you could do was nod your head minutely. Standing still, allowing him to make the steps to come to you, and to wrap his arms around you. One around your shoulders, and the other around your waist. You laid your head on his shoulder, face tucked between the crisp fabric of his shirt and the soft skin of his jawline. You took a deep breath, and wrapped your arms around him in return. Sliding your palms from his midsection, feeling the muscles ripple in their wake, to then connect your hands together in a lock.

"It's okay to asked to be touched, you know." He startles at the sound of your voice.

"I... It's been a while. Not since..." He trails off, knowing you would understand.

"I know, but it's okay, Aaron."

"How come you're the one comforting me now, I was supposed to be consoling you."

"Well, that's what partners do right? An equal give and take for what's needed," You inquire, "And don't think I didn't notice the subtle topic change, Mister."

"Oh we're partners, now?" He says playfully, giving your side a squeeze in further acknowledgement of what you said.

"Well yeah, I mean..." Trailing off when you feel a soft press of his lips to your temple, "Oh..." You breathe out.

"I was teasing you, Honey." He says with a chuckle. Clearing his throat he begins, "You know, I didn't think I'd ever get the chance to feel so much again, for someone, for you. Everyday I see you at the office in the bullpen, or in a precinct when we're away, or if I'm lucky enough to see you sleepy in hotels. Y/N, it feels like a second chance I'm not certain that I deserve."

You move to pull away, so you can look at him in his eyes when you say the words you heard unspoken, but his arms tightened around you, you smiled brightly.

"Aaron, love," You give him a squeeze for emphasis, he viscerally reacts to the term of endearment "I think we all deserve a second chance in life, in love."

After you're able to step back enough to press a kiss to his cheek, right where it meets the corner of his mouth. He gives you the privilege to see his blinding smile.

fyi: it's been a little while since i've written anything like at all but !!! i'm trying my best now to get to writing and post things because it's one of my favorite things to do ❤

this is for: @greg-montgomery @criminalskies @htchnr @ssahotchnerr

[static-quo]

Not certain these clergy can do anything about cleansing my sins- ówò

[bobbiesquares]

i think sam should have gone into the dropout discord and given us bingo cards for tao, carolyn, and jess

[spacedlexi]

its my birthday who wants some KISSIES!!!

[marshmallowgoop]

no thoughts just Heiji Hattori (HD)

[blackvelvetcorvid]

Me every Friday

[brookheimer]

roman thinks he killed logan didn’t he . thinks he called him a cunt and that’s why logan had a heart attack. he forgot to tell him he loved him. he’s going to become logan now as a means of repentance isn’t he . he’s gonna become atn and mencken and all of it because he thinks he needs to, he thinks he has to, he needs to make things right. motherfucker

[ms-skaterat]

Taskmaster Series 17 Episode 2 - Jumungo

[captainswan618]

what will this show throw at me next lmao

[miikpal]

take care out there mob!!!!!!!!

[grendelsmilf]

"poor simon. poor simon, i guess? poor simon, sort of? it's like some part of him wants to be a sad wong lord. but why would anyone want that? is there some incentive?" – finn in astral plane

this is one of my all time favorite episodes, of anything ever. it struck me so profoundly immediately, and i have watched it so many times since it first aired. but i never gave this line much thought until now. i suppose if i'd been asked to i would've made the connection that finn is (perhaps subconsciously) talking about his own father as much as, if not more so, he is talking about the ice king. it's only seeing simon grapple with the consequences of regaining his sanity (so to speak) that i truly understand what finn is referring to here. because, of course, there is an incentive.

living in utter denial of one's grief and trauma is far preferable to actually confronting it, living with it and facing the consequences of the loss and the horrors you've experienced. simon misses being ice king not because he liked being ice king; it was its own personal torment and in his brief moments of lucidity it was obvious that he couldn't stand it. simon misses being ice king because the madness came with the silver lining of obliviousness. sure, being doomed to a life of lunacy and idiocy is a contemptible fate, especially for someone as thoughtful and erudite as simon, but at least when he was ice king he had the memory of a goldfish. yes, he does subconsciously remember betty enough to want a princess bride, and he feels an inexplicable fondness towards marceline, but mainly his body is a vessel for the crown, and that's still preferable to remembering and knowing and feeling when you have suffered so much that lucidity is a crushing burden. simon can drown his sorrows with alcohol, but inebriation is no match for the oblivion of the crown.

similarly, martin was driven mad with grief, and lived in denial and escapism before being given an out from the universe. he had love, he had a family, and that was ripped away from him in a cruel and tragic manner, so he sunk back into his old habits with even less care and consideration than before. unfortunately for finn, he is his father's son. and his denial of his irreparable grief causes him to relapse into unhealthy behaviors he grew out of in adolescence. at the time, he couldn't understand what the incentive was. why simon wanted to be a sad wong lord, or why martin would take the comet's offer. but i think he does now.

[cryscendo]

letterboxd but it’s seasons 1 and 2 kurt hummel

layout template by rosamndpike!

[lyypeachu]

got a new hyperfixation i can live again

[eshithepetty]

I love terumob. They're so funny. Name another dynamic in which:

They start off by one of them beating the shit out of the other and strangling them to unconciousness. Despite this, the one who wins, by wide margin even, is actually the one who got strangled, because it just so happens that he has an all powerful eldritch entity locked inside him that tears everything to pieces and flings the other into the stratosphere in response. Y'know, as one does

The next time they meet, they acknowledge none of this, and instead immediately act buddy buddy to save the strangled kid's emo brother from a terrorist organisation.

And oh yeah, the terrorist organisation is a thing now. Apparently the one who got flung to the stratosphere, the blond one, knows them because they've been targetting him? And he just lives alone?? At 14??? Where are his parents

Which is to say, not surprising that this middle schooler is perfectly ready to torture a grown man, actually. If you think about it a little bit.

And its funny because the one who got strangled, bowl cut guy, is like, real moral right? Like thats his whole thing - he just really wants to be a good person, and he wants others to be good people as well. And yet, here he is, perfectly content to hang out with someone who doesnt even blink at potentially murdering a guy.

The murdering torturing middle schooler is also a delinquent leader and a popular kid btw, did you know. Well, he was at least, until he went dramatic in the opposite direction and now dresses like if a claires waste bin and a haystack had a baby. And bowl cut is decidedly, Not any of that. He's the most normal guy ever actually.

They literally couldn't be further from each other in personality.

How are they friends.

They make no sense <3

And yet maybe they make sense after all because bowlcut wants to be better, and because of him, haystack also wants to be better. Maybe they both see each other for what they could never be. Maybe they both see in each other the best versions of them. Maybe it's the self recognition through the horribly, extremely other. Maybe it's the easy acceptance. Maybe it's the self growth.

Maybe they make sense after all.

But in the end, over all this mushy shit, it's just extremely funny, that the world's most arrogant, immoral and prideful middle schooler, with fancy hair and neat clothes and many girlfriends and flourishing prospects can get literally sent through the clouds One time by an autistic kid in a bowlcut and immediately decide to turn his whole life around, centering on the axis of this one average, not-average boy - adopting his philosophy, ruining his wardrobe, abandoning his heterosexuality, while underneath it remaining still the boy with no parents and no intrinsic morals and no real humble bone in his body. Because if he's not the best, he's gotta be the best at aknowledging he's not the best. And he's so funny.

They're silly.

And i love them.

[haveyouseenthisanime-poll]

If you haven't heard of it then idk. comment the post or send a DM and I'll count it. Also where were you the past 20 years

[mob-choir]

i’m having so many emotions about teru

that was such a fast-paced, high-stakes situation, and he was thrown so many curveballs he barely had any time to cope with, and he still managed to adjust at impressive speed and never lost his faith in mob.

specifically: that moment right before ???% grabs him by the throat, when he’s kneeling on the ground trying to catch his breath. in that split moment, that’s when the realisation dawns, that this version of mob has no qualms in hurting him even with his bare hands. mob being non-violent to the point of letting himself get choked to unconsciousness was literally how they met, it’s one of the foundations at his core, and teru was well aware of it. having that knowledge suddenly be proven wrong, and all that means for his own safety, must have been a lot to take in. i can’t quite tell if it’s fear that we see on his face for a second, but if it is, that really adds to the element of horror - that sudden realisation that you’re in so much more danger than you thought and your initial plan is not going to be enough.

and then of course: when ???% lets loose his power despite so many people still being around and unable to evacuate. the horror on teru’s face, man. i don’t think it’d really clicked for him what mob being in this state actually meant until then. sure, him attacking teru was unlike him, but teru’s still an esper. he’s in great danger but he can somewhat defend himself. but civilians are different, and you can really tell teru did NOT think mob would put them in danger like that. he’s completely shell-shocked. i think that was another huge moment where he had to very quickly reassess the situation and what to do about it, all while coping with the emotional side of it all, since this is one of his closest friends and someone he really admires. he has to very quickly reckon with the fact that despite the pedestal he put him on, mob is just as human as he is and is capable of making mistakes just like everybody else, mistakes that don't detract from his worth.

which brings me to the point of it all. that DESPITE ALL THAT, teru was still able to 1) understand that mob desperately wants someone to stop him and would never want to harm anyone like this (bc he remembered that mob cried after realising what he’d done to his school....... where he’d only really harmed one person, who had done much worse to him..... if he cried after that, how will he feel when he finds out what he’s causing now?), 2) save all the people caught up in the devastation and get them all out of harm’s way, while being in a lot of pain (his EYES were BLEEDING), and 3) never once lose faith in mob. he saw him go on a (unintentional and unwilling, but teru doesn’t know that) rampage, doing things he would never in a million years think mob would ever do, and still took all of that in in record time considering the situation, and came out on the other side still whole-heartedly believing in shigeo and his goodness, and almost dying trying to stop him. because he knew that being the reason hundreds of innocent people got injured (or worse) would completely and utterly break mob.

and while, knowing teru, he might think he failed since he couldn’t achieve his goal (stopping mob’s rampage), what he succeeded in doing was ultimately just as important. he saved all the people he could, and gave his best for the one person he couldn’t.