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ssaahthings · 5 months

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I aimed to help you, in return you helped me too. (Reciprocity)

Sometimes you noticed when things were off with Hotch, it seemed like a glitch in his armor. Specifically moments when you would hand him his coffee if it was out of reach, as he would move around any table the team was working at; walking and thinking. Your fingers would brush and his grip would tighten. It happened when you would squeeze by to step into the elevator at the office in Quantico, arms brush by, and he would freeze. It was never a noticeable thing, if anything it was only retrospectively apparent in those moments.

When it became clear to you, that he was likely touch starved, was when you needed to hold on to his arm to balance yourself because you had a rock stuck in your shoe; you felt his bicep flex under your fingers and heard his breath hitch yet when you casted a glance up at him he was focused on the squad cars parked in front of the crime scene you were needed at, your interest was piqued then.

After that you began noticing he would never partake in the physical camaraderie; Emily would hug and lean on JJ, Morgan would ruffle Reid's hair as he passed the genius and throw an arm around Penelope when she joined them from her office, and Rossi would pat their backs in a paternal manner when he spoke to them. Sure he had Jack, to hug and cuddle with but you deemed it was different with a father-son relationship, he most likely thought he was giving his son what he needed. Aaron Hotchner is selfless like that, one of the reasons you love him as much as you do.

For a while it was all observations and your heightened sense to notice patterns, especially when it was regarding the man himself.

You were already having a bad day today, the team had made a miscalculated judgement based on the competency of the officers in the local precinct, who were also ridiculing you as well as the whole of the team, but because of the past days, past week, past month it hit you harder than the rest of your coworkers. It's not like you don't know you can go to them with your troubles, considering they're also your closest friends, it's just hard to paraphrase it in a way that would make sense. It felt like everyone was going through something this time of year, but with the jobs you all had, there wasn't much else to do but move onward.

So here you were, standing next to Hotch who was holding a piece of gauze to his forehead from where the unsub's submissive partner, the team had failed to profile, struck him from trying to save the offender you were after. Your eyes roamed his face, his arms, his chest cataloging to make sure he wasn't harmed anywhere else. When you heard the paramedic say he didn't need to go into the hospital you sighed in relief and took some of the fresh pieces of bandages that had been placed beside him and offered to take over cleaning and bandaging him up, making sure he was okay.

"Y/N, you know you don't have to do this." You heard Hotch mumble, seemingly far away but still alert enough to be aware of his surroundings, always on guard like that.

You nod and smile softly and you say, "I know, but it's making me feel better to take care of you right now." You finish cleaning off the blood from his face, gently press the ends of the butterfly bandage in place, "There, good as new." You let him know you were done, squeezing his arm for nonverbal punctuation.

You notice again that he tenses and avoids your gaze, "Hotch? Are you okay?"

"Aaron?"

Still no response, you think back to when he got injured and you don't remember his arm being hurt, so then you start to remember all the other times he's tensed up and you remember all the evidence that leads to him being touch starved, you remember the time you had to physically lean on him for support.

But by the time you're ready to do something about it, he's already assigning tasks to the team and then it's back to the hotel. You have to stop by the precinct to wrap up and grab your work and personal belongings when you overhear some officer make a snide comment about you and your team, it puts you on edge and in order not to make things more complicated you keep quiet and leave for the hotel.

You're quiet and they all notice it, they see how your shoulders are tense and that you're not joining in on the conversation, and you fail to hear the others making plans for dinner or to notice how Hotch is acutely observing you, trying to piece together why you're feeling the way you are in that moment.

His room is on the same floor as yours, across from yours even, so when you walk up to your room and just stand there, Hotch is watching you from the doorway of his. He takes a step forward leaving the door open, observing you.

"Y/N?" Aaron spoke softly as to not disturb the quietness of the hallway.

You turned around and looked at him, he seemed to be concerned. "Hmm?"

"Are you okay? You've been off since we got back to P.D." His voice tender, eyes shining under the lights.

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine, Hotch. Don't worry about me." You wave him off unconvincingly.

"You sure? Because you could come in and we can order room service for dinner, the others already left. You could consider it making things even for you patching me up." He vaguely gestures to his head.

That amuses you, so you smile and agree, crossing the way into his room, looking it over your eyes fall on the open windows on the opposite side, "You got a really nice view of the city, I just face the nextdoor building." You sigh dramatically, side eyeing him so he knows you're just teasing.

"Yeah, but I'm sure it's a great building." He retorts, "What would you like to eat?" holding the phone and menu card in his hand

"I think we've eaten enough around each other for you to know what my preferences are." You turn to face him, with a brow raised.

He huffs out a laugh and nods your way, afterwards placing your dinner order. It was a timid sense of normalcy, forgetting what the day trailed behind the two of you, your nerves come back so abruptly it it feels like a force knocked a breath out of you, and of course he notices it. He notices you.

"Y/N... I'm here if you want to talk about what happened. I noticed that you seemed a bit shaken up after we came back." He comments while moving to stand before you, the sincerity in his eyes gives you the illusion of making them brighter, and your heart clenches for him in affection.

"It's just... been a tough day, Hotch." You confess, keeping your eyes wide in order to combat the stinging behind them that you know means you'll start crying soon, "at first it was one of those days, you know? The kind that you just go through the motions, but ultimately you're alright in the end. And then I had to deal with those officers, they belittled me so much but I know with this job and being on this team, we have a duty to a sense of professionalism, so I kept my mouth shut, reserved. And then you-" You blinked and a rogue tear escaped, keeping your eyes closed for a moment while you let out a hushed, "I was so scared when I saw you get hit... It was hard to focus because I needed to make sure you were okay but we also had a job to do."

Your eyes begin to sting further with oncoming unshed tears, blinking rapidly to fight the sensation and giving up the fight to falsely show your resolve. With your view downcast you noticed one of Aaron's tells for when he was contemplating something; his thumb would move up and down his index and middle fingers. Up and down two times, switch, up and down two times more. Your mind begins to race, what could the eloquent Aaron Hotchner be contemplating saying or doing in front of, or to you.

Whatever it was you looked up and locked eyes with him, something unspoken passed and all you could do was nod your head minutely. Standing still, allowing him to make the steps to come to you, and to wrap his arms around you. One around your shoulders, and the other around your waist. You laid your head on his shoulder, face tucked between the crisp fabric of his shirt and the soft skin of his jawline. You took a deep breath, and wrapped your arms around him in return. Sliding your palms from his midsection, feeling the muscles ripple in their wake, to then connect your hands together in a lock.

"It's okay to asked to be touched, you know." He startles at the sound of your voice.

"I... It's been a while. Not since..." He trails off, knowing you would understand.

"I know, but it's okay, Aaron."

"How come you're the one comforting me now, I was supposed to be consoling you."

"Well, that's what partners do right? An equal give and take for what's needed," You inquire, "And don't think I didn't notice the subtle topic change, Mister."

"Oh we're partners, now?" He says playfully, giving your side a squeeze in further acknowledgement of what you said.

"Well yeah, I mean..." Trailing off when you feel a soft press of his lips to your temple, "Oh..." You breathe out.

"I was teasing you, Honey." He says with a chuckle. Clearing his throat he begins, "You know, I didn't think I'd ever get the chance to feel so much again, for someone, for you. Everyday I see you at the office in the bullpen, or in a precinct when we're away, or if I'm lucky enough to see you sleepy in hotels. Y/N, it feels like a second chance I'm not certain that I deserve."

You move to pull away, so you can look at him in his eyes when you say the words you heard unspoken, but his arms tightened around you, you smiled brightly.

"Aaron, love," You give him a squeeze for emphasis, he viscerally reacts to the term of endearment "I think we all deserve a second chance in life, in love."

After you're able to step back enough to press a kiss to his cheek, right where it meets the corner of his mouth. He gives you the privilege to see his blinding smile.

fyi: it's been a little while since i've written anything like at all but !!! i'm trying my best now to get to writing and post things because it's one of my favorite things to do ❤

this is for: @greg-montgomery @criminalskies @htchnr @ssahotchnerr

#aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner #i haven't written anything in ages help me #oh this is also friends to lovers #clingy!aaron #touch starved aaron #for rome 🌱#for fay 🌸#for katie 🤍#for aurora 💫#post ep 100 #aaron hotchner x reader #safe for gender neutral readers #aaron hotchner x gender neutral reader #or #aaron hotchner x female reader #or even #aaron hotchner x male reader

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