The first time I presented fem was in 2018. At the time I was terrified that anyone would find out I was trans. I didn’t want any pictures, but my best friend told me that I would I cherish pictures down the line. He suggested taking Polaroids so they weren’t available digitally. I found these pictures today, and he was right. I’m so glad I have these. Look how far I’ve come in 6 years.
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It was creepy. Eddie knew it was creepy. He knew it was weird. It was bad enough that he spent all class watching Steve goddamn Harrington while he scribbled in his notebook, but fishing through the trash to find the paper that the king had torn out and crumpled up? It was a new low.
But...he had just looked so focused. The poetry unit is the one most people hate. Even Eddie has been fudging it for the most part, and he actually kind of likes writing when there's a chance he can turn the poems into songs later down the line. But Harrington? He spend the class period in the zone, barely looking up from his paper while he crossed things out, found the perfect words.
And Eddie has a tiny, miniscule, all-consuming crush on the guy. So he wants to see what the hell kind of poem he was writing, okay?
He manages to find the paper (the trash wasn't actually all that full, thank god), and he smooths it out as carefully as he can. Steve's name is written in the corner of the page, and at the top in big letters, he just wrote "Poem." There's little doodles, some words written on the sides where Steve was clearly debating the right one. And then there was the poem itself.
Wild curls, shaking chains, Those shining teeth, that lion's mane. Stalk your prey, the one called king, Stuck in a cage, scared, stupid thing. You are the one, free and proud, He hides away, smiles for the crowd. Silver rings, painted claws, He watches, wishes, holds applause. Devil's tongue, wicked smile, He should be tame, you make him wild.
It isn't about him. Couldn't possibly be about him. There had to be plenty of kids at school with chains and rings and wild curly hair. Eddie was the freak, the weirdo. More than that he was a guy! There was no universe where King Steve wrote a poem about Eddie Munson, nomatter how coincidental some of the descriptions are.
There's words crossed out in some places where something else was almost used. Twice instead of saying 'he', Steve almost wrote 'I' or 'me.' Even if he hadn't, 'the one called king' is pretty obviously reffering to him. That bit isn't what gets Eddie's heart racing, though. It's the description of the other person. Wild curls, chains, rings, painted claws? Every single thing applies to him. Eddie fits the description perfectly and realizing that makes a swarm of vicious butterflies take up residence in his stomach.
Knowing that doesn't stop Eddie from pocketing the paper. It's probably about some edgy girl, and that's fine. But Steve threw the paper away, so it's not like he'll miss it, and Eddie isn't above a bit of daydreaming. It couldn't hurt to pretend, just for a little while, that Steve wrote it for him.
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