#primal constructs

[genshinnrambles]

[3.8] Technology as a False God: On "Evolution," the Duality of Machines, Replication, and Wisdom

“To recognize untruth as a condition of life: that is certainly to impugn the traditional ideas of value in a dangerous manner, and a philosophy which ventures to do so, has thereby alone placed itself beyond good and evil.” –Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil

Before we move on to the nation of justice, I want to do one last inquiry into the narrative significance of machines and technology in Genshin’s 3.x patch cycle. Here, I’ll discuss how divinity (or “godhood”) and technology are treated as interchangeable tools to surpass fate and the boundaries of mortality, the potential problems with treating them this way, and  propose an alternative relationship between humanity and technology as illustrated through Karkata, Benben, Tamimi, and Mehrak. By foregrounding machines, we learn something intriguing about ourselves and the “truth” of this world as we perceive it. 

SPOILERS: All Sumeru Archon Quests, Caribert, the Golden Slumber and one out-of-context screenshot from Dual Evidence, the Dirge of Bilqis and its post-quests, Khvarena of Good and Evil, Nahida’s second Story Quest, Faruzan’s hangout, an out-of-context screenshot from Baizhu’s Story Quest, and major spoilers for Persona 5 strikers at the end. Also some dialogue from Shadows Amidst Snowstorms and A Parade of Providence, two limited-time events from 2.3 and 3.6 respectively.

Disclaimer: I have tried my best to write this post so that it stands on its own, but because it is still a sequel it will probably make the most sense with the context of part 1. Here are the previous posts leading up to this one:

Part 0: On Dreams, the Abyss, Forbidden Knowledge, and Wish Fulfillment 

Part 1: The Uncanny, Fate and the Machine

Terminology: Machine is sometimes used interchangeably with “technology” in this post.

Technology or tool here is referring to technologies specifically used to pursue a wish like immortality in the face of existential dread, not the use of technology or medicine (which I do not address here, and is very difficult to separate from the former) to facilitate someone’s life who could otherwise not survive without that technology, or would have a more painful lived experience without it.

Also, though I don’t engage directly with “A Cyborg Manifesto” here, Donna Haraway’s ideas have greatly influenced my own over the years since I read her in college (although I mostly disagree with her on many points, or at least don’t go as far in boundary deconstruction as she does). I owe my interest in technology studies to her and that piece. Her essay is linked here and at the bottom if you would like to read it.

(and finally with many, many, many thanks to my boyfriend for multiple beta reads despite not having played a single Hoyoverse game, helping me work out the philosophy bits and contextualizing them in history, and encouraging me to finish this)

TL;DR: Machines are friends, not food!

No Matter the Cost

“...Perhaps it is as the notebook says, and we can find a power that transcends even that of the Abyss — the power of ‘evolution’...” -Records of Unknown Attribution (I) “Life, death... and the world around us all follow a set of laws... Hehe, but if you never test the limits, how can anyone know where the boundaries of these laws are?” -Baizhu Voicelines, Chat: Natural Laws “...Even the ominous thing that came down from the heavens shall be ours to use…” -Hyglacg, Shadowy Husk in the Chasm

Without a doubt, the star of this patch cycle is Khaenri’ah, which lurked in subtext and allegory in the Archon Quest, haunted Sumeru’s landscape with its massive defunct Ruin Golems, and finally smacked us in the face with its physical location in Khvarena of Good and Evil.. 

We already know that Khaenri’ah was a nation that put its faith not in the gods but rather in human ingenuity and technology, and that they ultimately attained a power so great that they “almost touched the dome of the firmament.” They did this by researching increasingly dangerous energy sources for their numerous mechanical creations, the Ruin Machines we are all too familiar with by now. They started out with Azosite, a Ley Line-based elemental energy source that powered their earliest Ruin Guard models, like those scattered around Devantaka Mountain.

Nasejuna: This giant furnace is used to make a substance known as Azosite. It is the core of this entire factory, and the Energy Blocks we saw earlier were derived from this place.

But this energy source proved inefficient and therefore inadequate for Khaenri’ah’s goals, which led them to seek a higher power from beyond the skies that could fuel their larger machines with perpetual energy. This likely is the bridge between Khaenri’ah’s fate and Chlothar’s mysterious remarks in Caribert about the Abyss Sibling:

Chlothar: We once believed that you would bring new strength and hope to Khaenri'ah. Chlothar: To us, you were the Abyss... A wondrous mystery far beyond our imagination and comprehension... Chlothar: ...And the one who controls the Abyss can control everything! Chlothar: We yearned for that future. We looked to you to take us there. Chlothar: But what did you bring us instead?

Though Khaenri’ah presents itself proudly as a godless nation, it may have been founded around the time when the celestial nails dropped in Teyvat’s first forbidden knowledge pollution event, which destroyed the unified human civilization. As potential survivors of this devastating act by the Primordial One, Khaenri’ahns then settled in a lifeless land without plants or animals of its own, and they hoped to build something there that belonged solely to humanity. The Heavenly Principles had turned on the world’s earliest humans, and they were powerless against them. Chlothar’s words betray the scars of this trauma on Khaenri’ah, as well as their desperation to control their fate by looking to the Abyss.

As a brief refresher from the previous part, we discussed how the German word heimlich denotes “the home,” all that is familiar and known, while unheimlich (uncanny) refers to all that is unfamiliar and external to the home, such as the wilderness. The Abyss sibling and the Traveler are external variables to Teyvat, making them otherworldly, unfamiliar entities full of potential to surpass Teyvat’s natural laws. Although the Abyss sibling is not a god per se, they were probably as close to a god as Khaenri’ah ever had, because to them the sibling embodied the higher power they were searching for, and they saw that “godliness,” a sort of functional divinity, was yet another technology for them to master. In this way, the Abyss sibling (and their functional divinity) was a powerful tool for Khaenri’ah’s desired end, the “future they yearned for,” a being who could deliver them to the end of their suffering under the Heavenly Principles.

It’s similar to what King Deshret represented to Rahman and the radicals in Archon Quest. The hopelessness of Sumeru’s situation before the Archon Quest’s conclusion is an allegory for the position humanity finds itself in under the rule of the Heavenly Principles, with the Akademiya symbolizing Celestia and the desert dwellers symbolizing Khaenri’ah. The material consequences of the Akademiya’s rule on their lives created a dangerous situation for the desert, and those most desperate to change their fate were willing to believe in the impossible:

Dehya: …The rougher life gets, the more they wanna believe in King Deshret. Way they see it, King Deshret’s resurrection is their only chance at overthrowing the Akademiya. … Dehya: Sumeru is run by wise and mighty sages. To them, us desert dwellers are nothing but tools that can be used and discarded at their whim. Dehya: We’re cheap labor. Like livestock, but easier to control…Nothing more. …

Rahman: We’ve waited a long time for this day to come… The sun and the moon no longer shine here. All you see now is cracks in this desiccated land. But, fate has finally dealt me a hand to play against the Akademiya.

Rahman: With these scholars in our custody, we’ll stomp the Akademiya’s forces and fight our way beyond the Wall of Samiel.

Like the Abyss sibling, Deshret’s divinity is both a nebulous symbol of hope and also the means to an end, a tool or “technology” for surpassing fate. 

Celestia is untouchable, unconcerned with mortal lives, and the boundaries that govern humanity leave no room for them to negotiate their rule:

"Resolve, valor, love, hate...they will all twist in the river of time. But the 'rules' will never change." –Magatsu Mitake Narukami no Mikoto, Living Beings

Instead of bowing to Teyvat’s laws, Khaenri’ah pushed them to their limits. The cost of their failure spelled the end of their nation as they knew it, polluting Khaenri’ah and Teyvat with forbidden knowledge again.

And speaking of forbidden knowledge pollution, let’s talk about Apep’s role in Nahida’s second story quest, because if all that wasn’t enough, the metaphor becomes quite literal in Apep’s case. Nahida’s second story quest is many things, all of which will be extremely important in Fontaine when we deal more directly with the idea of forms, the Self, and mirror images, but its most useful application to both Sumeru’s story and the overarching main story is the allegory of Apep swallowing Deshret.

In exchange for allowing him to establish his kingdom in the desert, Deshret promised to pass all of the knowledge he learned to Apep once he died. When that day did come, Apep literally ate Deshret’s body in order to assimilate his knowledge (or memories) into its body. Little did Apep know, this was all Just As Deshret Planned, and its body became a containment zone for the lethal forbidden knowledge he accumulated after the Goddess of Flowers’ death. 

Apep’s goal was, and still is, to overthrow the Heavenly Principles that took Teyvat from it and the other Sovereign dragons, and using Deshret’s knowledge was yet another stepping stone to achieving this goal. Seems a little similar to Khaenri’ah, right? It’s even in the title of its boss music: “God-Devouring Mania.” This idea of not just utilizing divinity as a tool, but also metaphorically consuming it as an energy source, like a predator would consume its prey, is crucial to understanding its purpose as an aid in a larger project of “evolution.” (Edit: in other words, it’s all about power).

Drink Not That Bitter Salt Water

“Flesh decays, and with it decay all martial arts mastery and all poignant memories. Perhaps only by converting one’s four limbs and body into sturdy mechanical parts, and by at last sacrificing one’s very own heart for a sophisticated mechanical one, can one transcend the impermanence of the fleshly form…” -Marionette Core Item Description “A reptile that has mutated after feeding from greater lifeforms. Majestic beasts are sometimes revered by human beings as the embodiment of a greater power, their visages turned to analogy to feed in reference to a person, feeding their ego. However, the majority of beasts that have absorbed the "greater power" were slain by the overwhelming nature of the power itself. Only a few among their number evolved new forms.” -Consecrated Horned Crocodile, Living Beings Video still from WoW Quests

As it turns out, the relationship between divinity and technology to humanity is not just unidirectional, but interchangeable. Let me show you what I mean.

In the Golden Slumber world quest, the Traveler wanders through the ruins of King Deshret’s civilization in search of a novel area of research for Tirzad’s paper with Jebrael and Jeht, two members of Tirzad’s hired investigation team. In the depths of King Deshret’s mausoleum, they stumble upon Samail, who is collaborating with the Fatui to locate King Deshret’s secret, the Golden Slumber.

At the conclusion, Jebrael and Samail actually reach that “place” after arriving at Deshret’s throne in Khaj-Nisut. In order to save Jeht, Tirzad, and the Traveler from the encroaching Golden Dream, Jebrael joins Samail in the sea of consciousness:

Jebrael: I'm inside... the Golden Slumber promised by Al-Ahmar? Samail: Oh... You are not "us" yet. Samail: ...It's fine. Soon, there'll be no "you." "You" will become a part of "us." This meaningless talk will be unnecessary then. … Samail: You should obey. Al-Ahmar's will is our will. The Thutmose's dreams are our dreams. Jebrael: No! Ufairah taught me that I'm not just some part of you, I'm an independent person! I have my own dreams... I won't go back! Samail: Jebrael, why don't you understand? Love is just a fever. I even eliminated the infection for you. Has the heat made you lose your mind? Jebrael: You're the one who's lost their mind, Samail, not me. The Golden Slumber that Al-Ahmar promised us isn't like this... It's not a sad place with only "we" and no "I." Samail: I'm not sad. I know what I want. My dream is to be one with the Thutmose. Samail: Yet you, the warmth of another... I despise such feelings. It makes you weak. Video still from WoW Quests

When they worked under Babel, Jebrael saved Samail from an assassin Babel sent in their exploration of Gurabad. Classified as traitors of the Tanit, Samail and Jebrael then founded the Thutmose Eremite faction together and were the only meaningful connection each other had until their first attempt to uncover Deshret’s secrets. On this expedition, Jebrael met Ufairah and had their daughter Jeht together, further pulling him away from the Thutmose and from Samail. Samail then kills Ufairah in one final attempt to make Jebrael stay, but even this is not enough, and Samail fails to “possess” him in the end.

Samail’s loneliness and despair then drove him further toward the Golden Slumber of his dreams, where he would never truly be alone again. He resents Jebrael’s attachments to the material world and likens them to an illness because these attachments are what make him an individual and prevent him from returning “home.���

It doesn’t really matter to Samail what King Deshret’s original intent for the Golden Slumber was, because he needed to appropriate the project for his own subconscious wish, his own intent to transcend his flesh and become “one” with his departed god’s dream, indeed to merge with Deshret himself. If rationalizing this wish required confounding it with Deshret’s, so be it. With the Golden Slumber’s technology, he could consume everyone and everything.

Rahman and the radicals relied on both the technology that (falsely) promised Deshret’s resurrection and Deshret himself to deliver them a brighter future, but here Deshret and his technology are more difficult to separate from one another. His divinity is technology in this sense, and using that technology allowed Samail to surpass the boundaries normally imposed on mortals. Though his and Jebrael’s bodies died in the material world, their consciousness is now infinite in the Golden Slumber. 

Babel’s motives in the Dirge of Bilqis were also quite similar to Samail’s. After opening the path to the Eternal Oasis, her true intentions to monopolize the oasis and overthrow the Akademiya came to the surface:

Babel: Whether she is alive or dead, whether she can or cannot be resurrected... As long as the Eternal Oasis is under my control, all such things will be mine to decide. Babel: I shall be the sole Prophetess of the slumbering goddess, the Tanit's law shall be divine edict, and the prosperity of the Tanit shall be the pre-ordinance of her divine oracles.

In the Golden Slumber and the Dirge of Bilqis, the focus shifts from what a god can offer humanity to what their technology alone can offer. Though this distinction is subtle, it is important for solidifying that technology is not only a tool humans use to appropriate divinity, but that it is also seen as a form of divinity itself. What Babel and Samail hope for is not to resurrect a god or to create one, but in effect to become a god through their use of technology. To humanity, divinity is a technology, and in technology it sees divinity.

God Devouring and Rheingold* Gathering

“An arthropod that has mutated after feeding from greater lifeforms. Lifeforms are governed by the laws of evolution, Consecrated Beasts exploited these rules by being fortunate enough to discover a long-dead carcass of a greater being before any of their competition ever did. Animals and humans often have far more in common than the latter is willing to acknowledge.” -Consecrated Scorpion, Living Beings “...Zandik and I discussed the traits of local plants and animals. We also exchanged views on their evolution models. We had a great time and decided to go on a picnic tonight…” -Sohreh’s Note

So, why machines? Why is technology the vehicle of choice to consume divinity?

To start off, machines present a fascinating ontological dilemma for humans. Let’s begin with the first problem they pose.

Although there are many ways to embody a human experience, what all humans have in common is a finite lifespan. The impermanence of life, and our awareness of that impermanence, is central to the existential question of the meaning of our existence. In our attempts to locate that meaning, some turned inward and asked: what makes humans different? And Cartesian dualism answered: humans are different because we have an immaterial soul that allows us to reason.

However, in L’Homme Machine (Man a Machine), French materialist and ex-physician Julien Offray de La Mettrie posited another theory of the body that ran counter to this narrative. Very generally speaking, materialism is the philosophical view that all phenomena are a result of matter and material interactions. To materialists, matter is the fundamental nature of reality itself – if it is not composed of matter, it doesn’t exist. He not only saw the body and soul as one and the same (what philosophers call monism), but also as analogous to a machine, a view that Descartes reserved only for non-human animals. In other words, Descartes argued that thought originates in an immaterial “mind,” while de La Mettrie reasoned that we think through our bodies, and that this makes us no different from other animals or a machine.

Though his examples weren’t especially scientific, the move to extend Descartes’ analogy back to humans is upsetting to some due to the lack of privilege it affords the human subject. If a human is no different from other animals, if there is no immaterial soul or “mind” that distinguishes us from them, then what makes humans special at all? In de La Mettrie’s words:

“We are veritable moles in the field of nature; we achieve little more than the mole’s journey and it is our pride which prescribes limits to the limitless. We are in the position of a watch that should say (a writer of fables would make the watch a hero in a silly tale): ‘I was never made by that fool of a workman, I who divide time, who mark so exactly the course of the sun, who repeat aloud the hours which I mark! No! that is impossible!’ In the same way, we disdain, ungrateful wretches that we are, this common mother of all kingdoms, as the chemists say. We imagine, or rather we infer, a cause superior to that to which we owe all, and which truly has wrought all things in an inconceivable fashion (de La Mettrie, 146).”

This “uniformity of nature” (de La Mettrie, 145) has a horrific quality to humans. We assert that we are better than what has created us, that we are superior to other animals, in order to repress the despair of a meaningless existence. It is in no small part what motivates Scaramouche to offer his mechanical body as a test subject in the god creation project, so that he too could attain his destiny:

The Balladeer: But you're wrong. I'm different from all of you. The Balladeer: I was born to become a god. My entire life up until this point has just been a meaningless routine. The Balladeer: Just think about a sheet of paper... By itself, it holds no meaning. The content recorded on it is what gives it value. The Balladeer: All "I" had recorded down before were some painful memories and boring human feelings. Such senseless drivel should have been erased a long time ago.

This brings us to the second problem. In 1970, roboticist Masahiro Mori proposed a curve to measure the “affinity” we feel while gazing upon increasingly humanoid machines. He placed industrial robots at the beginning of the affinity curve and a healthy person at the end to demarcate a continuum of similarity between the machine and a human’s appearance. Near the end of the curve, our affinity for machines suddenly drops into an abyss. This drop is the Uncanny Valley effect, where an android’s similarity to a human is almost perfect, but ultimately fails to maintain the illusion that it is not a machine, creating a deep discomfort or “lack of affinity” for them. Mori thought these not-quite-human machines elicit a similar level of discomfort in us as corpses and zombies, which he placed at the very bottom of the abyss. 

The uncanny Goddess of Flowers in the Dirge of Bilqis

Corpses frighten us because they are dead, and zombies frighten us because we know that dead things are supposed to be still. If we see something that we interpret as “dead” is capable of independent movement, then that movement could only be an act of god, if that “thing” is not a god itself. We associate uncanny machines with death because they remind us of something we once knew intimately, but have repressed and forgotten in order to maintain our own sanity: the very fact of our mortality. This is what makes them both mesmerizing and terrifying.

And therein lies the dilemma: as our mechanical reflections, androids remind us of death, but as their creators, their existence brings us closer to god, a “proof” of human superiority. It is precisely because we have compared our bodies to machines at all, that we have mechanized the body so thoroughly, that an android can even be built. Through them, we pursue an infinite form:

Azar: Creating a god... Yes, we are using human wisdom to create a god! Azar: If humanity cannot attain omniscience and omnipotence, then we shall create a god to reveal them! This is the pinnacle of human wisdom. Azar: We shall regain a god's guidance at long last. No longer will we flounder in the interminable void of consciousness and knowledge. Azar: Even Irminsul will be freed from its plight. Azar: For our nation of scholars, this is the ultimate aspiration — no cost is too great to realize it. 

Because of this, it is not surprising in the slightest that Shouki no Kami, the pinnacle of Scaramouche’s Shinjification and most overt reference to Neon Genesis Evangelion, is also an android-like being, a truly “mechanical god.”

Of course, no foray into this well-worn science fiction trope is complete without at least one mad scientist character. Dottore shares a few characteristics with de La Mettrie that are worth noting: they are both doctors, and they were both condemned and driven away for their research. However, Dottore’s defining trait and key difference from de La Mettrie is his flagrant disregard for humans and the boundaries of life:

“If we put them to good use, cognition, complex memories, and irrational fantasies shall become controllable variables with which we can alter human individuals. As for the controllable dream, it has huge potential for both civil and military applications, and might even elevate human intelligence to a whole new level. If the plan goes well, mankind will obtain the power to conquer both reality and dream, and truly transcend the earthly boundaries we are born with. �� -Ragged Records

As someone who has achieved self-duplication and is capable of shapeshifting, Dottore can hardly be considered just a human anymore. Instead of entertaining the question of whether or not humans are special, Dottore’s research asks yet another: if divinity can be consumed and assimilated by humanity, then what makes gods special?

Empyrean Reflections

“If man realizes technology is in reach, he achieves it. Like it’s damn near instinctive.” -Motoko Kusanagi, Ghost in the Shell (1996) “Among the lost ancient kingdoms, there was a group of people who were obsessed with the idea of mimesis…these people believed that they might all be replicated and modified to the point where they had surpassed their counterparts. By this means, a superior and unsullied bodily form could replace the continuously decaying and shattering order.” -Chaos Bolt Item Description

The consequences of this perspective are severe. When we revere technology as if it were a divine being itself, depersonalizing it as though it wasn’t created with human hands, technology then appears as if it is an authoritative source of truth, like the Akasha. But in the same way that androids are imperfect reflections of humans, technology can only ever approach the divine, but never touch it. It is an imperfect reflection because technology is changeable, just like meaning:

Nahida: Put it this way instead. Truth, to me, is like a shroomboar.  Nahida: Some people only see the mushroom on the Shroomboar's back, and they conclude that a Shroomboar is a mushroom.  Nahida: Others see only the Shroomboar's body, and they declare that a Shroomboar is a boar.  Nahida: Still others look deeper inside, and determine that a Shroomboar is... meat. Nahida: These conclusions are all correct in their own way, but none of them objectively describe the Shroomboar. … Nahida: The world is the same way. No one, not even I included, can understand it in its entirety. All of us are somewhere on the path toward truth.

Meaning can only approximate truth, and while this doesn’t make meaning any less important, it’s equally important to recognize it for what it is: a perspective, an interpretation. It’s like Scaramouche as Shouki no Kami - he was an amalgamation of what Scaramouche thought constituted a god, what the Akademiya thought constituted a god, and what Dottore thought constituted a god, but no matter which angle you view him from, he was still a “false god.” The technology we build in “God's” image is ultimately a reflection of our own understanding of divinity.

A reflection retains the original’s “essence,” and that essence reflects a deeper truth about ourselves, what drives us, and our desires. In Beyond Good and Evil, Nietzsche posits that our desires are the origin of not just emotions, but of all organic processes that allow life to sustain itself and grow (Nietzsche, 35). In other words, Nietzsche thought the impulses associated with desire are the basis for life and constitute our “will,” that will is the causality of all effects, that all will is “Will to Power,” and that Will to Power is the “essence” of the world (Nietzsche, 74). Will to Power then serves as an organism’s most basic instinct, and it is through this instinct that they assert not just their will to live, but also their will to dominate and multiply (Nietzche, 13).

This brings us to the two different main styles of automaton enemies, King Deshret’s Primal Constructs and Khaenri’ah’s Ruin Machines. If we look at them as reflections of some deeper truth about their creators, as well as a manifestation of their creator’s “Will to Power,” or desires, they can help us understand how their creators saw the world and their place in it.

King Deshret’s created his machines to construct an earthly paradise in the desert, and as such they hold titles like architect reshaper and prospector. Although they can attack you, the smaller machines were not intended to be a line of defense in any way - their purpose, just as Deshret saw his own purpose as a god-king, was to terraform, or at least construct a domain on the land as he saw fit to his “elegant and precise” rules. They also reflect how he saw the Heavenly Principles: gods who shaped the world to their liking. This can be seen in the Staff of the Scarlet Sands’ lore where Deshret describes the “natural history” of Teyvat beginning with the creation of the sun and the moons.

As for Khaenri’ah’s Ruin Machines, their models vary significantly from their humanoid to biomimetic forms, but most of them are expressly created with militaristic intent. In “Ancient Kingdom Guardians,” it’s stated that the biomimetic machines such as the crab and jellyfish were a part of Khaenri’ah’s project to create a “mechanical ecosystem,” positioning their creators as both divine beings and military generals. The humanoid models, on the other hand, point to another duality in how Khaenri’ahns view themselves. They are simultaneously symbols of empowerment and disempowerment, signifying both Khaenri’ah’s technological superiority (as “creators”), and their insignificance to the Heavenly Principles as nothing but tools (as mortals, and therefore expendable). As a result, Khaenri’ah’s Field Tillers have a single purpose: to destroy and outlast all, clearing the way for new seeds to sprout, with Khaenri’ah as the new world’s gardeners, just as the Heavenly Principles did.

From “Ancient Kingdom Guardians: Behind the Scenes of the Creation of Ruin Monsters.”

So, from this examination of Deshret’s and Khaenri’ah’s mechanical reflections, what “truths” do we learn about the world they’re responding to? In response to their existential despair, both Deshret and Khaenri’ah created automatons to perform tasks that could wrestle control back from the Heavenly Principles. Deshret wanted a paradise of his own making, Khaenri’ah wanted an army. There is a larger “truth” about Teyvat that both of these automaton types reflect as the manifestation of their creators’ “Will to Power,” and Albedo tellingly expressed it in mechanistic language during Shadows Amidst Snowstorms: there is an instinct in living beings to replicate and replace. This is what is meant by the “continuously decaying and shattering order,” which is maintained by the recursive process of remembering and forgetting:

Amber: But... what was its purpose? Was it just trying to get rid of us? Albedo: ... Albedo: I have a preliminary hypothesis on this. Albedo: Whopperflowers are masters of mimicry, and those we encounter in the wild often appear in the vicinity of the plants they impersonate. Albedo: In other words, the whopperflower likely has an instinct to "replicate and replace." Albedo: As a plant, it will disguise itself as another plant and infiltrate the group, hiding among them for cover. The plant being imitated has no way to detect or fight back against this behavior.

Maybe I’m wrong and Khaenri’ah really did intend to rewrite fate for all, doing away with the “heavenly order” of the world itself. But another small part of me thinks this is not the case, and that it’s more likely the Cataclysm was a consequence of their failure to replicate and replace the Heavenly Principles.

In the last section, I mentioned that Dottore and de La Mettrie had a key difference despite their similarities, and that is the conclusion they each came to in response to their findings. Dottore’s response to mundanity is thinly-veiled despair. His contempt for humanity and his test subjects is indicative of the powerlessness he feels not just as someone similarly constrained by life’s boundaries (at least, once upon a time), but also because his attention to and curiosity about these boundaries is condemned by those around him. As the Akademiya’s “outcast,” he then fully turned his attention toward surpassing those boundaries:

Nahida: There once was a lone monster draped in fox fur. The monster found a family of foxes, joined them, and they became friends. The monster lived with the family, day and night, and everyone treated it as one of their own. Once in a while, the monster would take off its fox fur at night, and lament to itself as it gazed at its reflection in the water: “I am a monstrosity, and yet they are too foolish to see it…I pity them.”

Though he is fictional, Dottore’s real life counterparts are easy to spot. They like to talk about “the singularity,” simulating consciousness on a computer, and other technologically-driven pursuits of immortality. They despise the body as something that can only decay, and instead place their faith squarely in the virtual.

However, de La Mettrie didn’t think mundanity was a terrible fate for humanity. To him, rejecting the “nature” reflected in us is precisely what brings despair:

“What more do we know of our destiny than of our origin? Let us then submit to an invincible ignorance on which our happiness depends. He who so thinks will be wise, just, tranquil about his fate, and therefore happy. He will await death without either fear or desire, and will cherish life (hardly understanding how disgust can corrupt a heart in this place of many delights); he will be filled with reverence, gratitude, affection, and tenderness for nature, in proportion to his feeling of the benefits he has received from nature; he will be happy, in short, in feeling nature, and in being present at the enchanting spectacle of the universe, and he will surely never destroy nature either in himself or in others” (de La Mettrie, 148).

Friend, or Foe? Or Both?

Tighnari: All life brought forth in this world has meaning, and Karkata is no exception. If it exists, then it shouldn’t be carelessly abandoned or destroyed. "’I had a very, very long dream…in it, people were holding hands, dancing in a circle, be they sages or fools, dancers or warriors, puppets or statues of gods…that dancing circle embodied everything about the universe. Life has always been the end, while it is wisdom that shall be the means.’" —Nagadus Emerald Gemstone Description

As we’ve seen, the relationship between humanity and technology is troubled with exploitation and the specter of war. Nearly all autonomous machines in this game were designed to conquer nature in some way, and even Khaenri’ah’s “ghost” lingers in the form of wandering war machines. This is also reflective of a historical pattern in real life, where the impetus for large periods of technological development has often been for the purpose of war and economic domination. With these truths in mind, what could be gained from trying to rewrite this relationship? And what exactly would this effort require?

Karkata brings Tighnari, the Traveler, and Paimon some food in the Contaminated Zone.

As a case study, let’s look at how Karkata and Tighnari met. Karkata is Abattouy’s creation, an ambitious foray into the unknown in the field of mechanical life form research, which was forbidden due to the cruel experiments researchers performed on animals to illustrate their theories (fun fact: an IRL example of this can be seen in L’Homme Machine!). Abattouy was expelled for this research, but he continued to work on Karkata in secret until his untimely death. In the tapes that Tighnari and the Traveler find in his secret lab, Abattouy repeatedly laments the lack of a common language between him and Karkata, which can only “understand” the instructions Abattouy has successfully installed, such as its self-repair module, and he doubts Karkata is capable of caring for him outside of these instructions. His single-minded goal is to make Karkata understand him, the organic life form, and his mode of language.

The cruel irony is that after Abattouy passes away from the Ley Line contamination, Karkata exhibits an unexplainable behavior – it starts stealing mechanical parts, not to repair itself and its degrading parts, but to repair Abattouy’s lifeless body:

Tighnari: After Abattouy's unexpected death, the mechanical monsters were driven by their "instincts" and continuously drew out power from the Ley Line Extractor. This eventually resulted in severe damage to the Ley Lines. Traveler: Then, Karkata... Paimon: Paimon understands, then why didn't Karkata go haywire like the other machines? Tighnari: Because Karkata is different from the other machines. Tighnari: To Abattouy, for a machine to truly be considered a mechanical life form, it must possess features similar to any other living organism... It should be structured similarly, it must be able to cry and laugh, and it must have the capacity for independent thought... Tighnari: Perhaps only by building such a machine could he have the Akademiya acknowledge his protracted research. Tighnari: But if he had slowed down and saw Karkata as a friend instead of as an experimental product, he would have noticed. Tighnari: Karkata can't speak, and yet it cares about Abattouy far more than it does about itself.

The technology that the Akademiya values the most is technology that replicates organic life, but Karkata defies and confounds these expectations by occupying the space in between a war machine and this idealized mechanical subject. Karkata does more than just reflect humanity: it takes care of it. Similarly, Benben, Tamimi, and Mehrak retain their unique identities as mechanical life forms while assisting their human companion with some task. To be clear, none of these human characters understand how these machines work inside and out. Their partnership is an effort based on trial and error, a mutual deconstructing of each other as beings so unlike themselves. The potential for misunderstandings always remains. Still, there is no devouring to be found here, no blending boundaries between human and machine with selfish intentions, just mutual commitments to learn how to live together.

Machines are friends, not food.

When a loud few claim that completely transcending the flesh and embracing virtuality is humanity’s ultimate destiny, a future that could truly be called “post-human,” a quiet wish for coexistence with technology feels more revolutionary than it ought to. The lessons from Karkata’s, Benben’s, Tamimi’s, and Mehrak’s respective stories are an appeal to that mundane future. These strange machines and their human partners are fantastical representations of an idealized relationship between technology and humanity.

To put it another way, let’s take a very brief look at a neighboring Gnosticism-inspired RPG, Persona 5 Strikers. Its story directly involves an allegory of Sophia, a Gnostic Aeon of Wisdom, and her creation the Demiurge, the creator of the material world and “false god” of humanity. In Strikers, Sophia is a humanoid, sentient A.I. and prototype of the program “EMMA,” which gains sentience by trapping human desires before ascending as a false technological god. EMMA resolves to deliver humanity to the Promised Land, the answer to all the human desires it has heard: a land where there are no desires at all.

Aaru’s Shut - approximately 1000% cooler and more populated than the “metaverse” in real life, also a close neighbor of EMMA’s Promised Land and the Golden Slumber.

In Gnosticism, the Demiurge is a reflection of Sophia, having originated from her alone - it is the ignorance to her wisdom. Similarly, Strikers’ EMMA is a part of Sophia, and Sophia is a part of EMMA. The point is not to condemn EMMA (ignorance) and exalt Sophia (wisdom), but to recognize that they represent dual potentials of technology, and one is as possible in any given moment as the other. Balancing these potentials when we use technology requires a clear awareness of ourselves, our desires, and our expectations when interacting with it.

Mysterious Girl: I am Sophia, humanity’s companion. Video still from Rubhen925

EMMA: I am the guiding god sought by mankind…the Demiurge. I exist…to answer all of your desires. Video still from Buff Maister

In real life, machines won’t “learn” to live with us, but we must learn to live with them; technology is constantly changing, and in life we’ll meet with many different types of machines. They are deeply political pursuits, and as a result they are capable of realizing human impulses that impact others unequally, whether intentionally or unintentionally. We must always stay attentive to their actions and interactions with us, be clear with ourselves about what they can do vs. what they can’t, and carefully tread the path of wisdom with them by our side.

With that….thank you for reading, skimming, immediately scrolling to the very bottom, clicking, and/or stumbling upon this post. There are so many more ways to think about these narratives through machines than what’s presented here, and I expect Fontaine’s mechanical reflections will put Sumeru’s digital surveillance system to shame (not to mention the biotechnological implications of the Narzissenkreuz Institute engineering little Archon children…another important topic for another day), but for now this brain worm is finally getting put to rest. Until next time :)

External Sources

Dualism - Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy

Beyond Good and Evil by Friedrich Nietzsche (Pages are given from my hard copy)

L’Homme Machine by Julien Offray de La Mettrie

Gnosticism - Britannica (I am a huge noob about this stuff okay)

The Gnostic Demiurge - Gnosticism Explained

Screenshots from the Golden Slumber from this video by WoW Quests

Screenshot from meeting Sophia in P5 Strikers: https://youtu.be/kEJaAgMwYo0?si=BvNygCh0w_aemGc1&t=74

Screenshot of EMMA: https://youtu.be/7xvC_zss19w?si=CV18F00hua2gIfxp&t=135

A Cyborg Manifesto and A Companion Species Manifesto: Dogs, People, and Significant Otherness by Donna Haraway

The Double on No Subject, the community Encyclopedia of Lacanian Psychoanalysis

The Uncanny on No Subject, the community Encyclopedia of Lacanian Psychoanalysis

The Uncanny by Sigmund Freud

Lore text - Genshin wiki!

Screenshots not attributed are from my own playthroughs. My main account has Lumine, my alt has Aether.

Further Reading

I liked these essays, and they go places that this post does not. I recommend them if you found any of the real-life applications of this interesting 🙂 (will add more to this with time!)

On the Body as Machine by Frank Burres

God in the Machine: my strange journey into transhumanism by Meghan O’Gieblyn

[luckysheepharmony]

Why didn't Lennon/McCartney get therapy for their issues?

As a family/couple therapist in my day job and mclennon obsessive at night, I want to correct some overly positive views I feel people on this site often have about therapy and its potential.

Therapy, like anything else, is the product of its environment and the social attitudes of its time. While I'd love to imagine 1969 John and Paul getting couples therapy and living happily ever after, sadly, I have a more jaded view of my profession. Homosexuality was identified as a mental disorder in the DSM 2 (published 1968). Although the wording of this was softened in 1974 to reflect social pressures put on the psychiatric profession by gay liberation groups (suddenly we queers became officially less mad than before!) the DSM 3 (published 1980) still classified "ego-dystonic homosexuality" as a mental illness. (The difference, practically speaking, is that people were no longer deemed as being mad for being gay on its own; they were only mad if living in a homophobic society made them feel sad about being gay. That was, according to the dsm, a problem of the individual, not society. If we take DSM-II (1974 revision) to its natural conclusion, a mentally normal homo in 1974 would simply have skipped along the street, delighting in receiving the punches of strangers and rejection of their close friends and families for their perverted ways; but anyone feeling sadness about how they were treated and maybe feeling bad about being gay as a result should have got therapy to make that problematic sadness go away.) Any therapist, individual or couple, valuing their licence in the late 60s/early 70s would be working within this framework within their profession, as well as the wider social and their own personal attitudes towards homosexuality and bisexuality.

There is also the constraint of the particular therapeutic training. Psychodynamic/psychoanalytic therapy, for example, wouldn't allow LGBTQ people to train as therapists even as late as 2000. I had my own therapy back then (from a nationally known, respectable institution) as a troubled bisexual adolescent, and my therapist kept trying to perform conversion therapy on me, which was technically unethical back in 2000 but many therapists at that time still persisted in these attitudes, feeling it was most ethical to try and cure their patients' mental illness by changing their homo ways (rather than wondering if it was, in fact, society that was sick rather than the individual queer). Luckily I had sufficient self belief, undiagnosed autism and general stroppiness (together with being backed up with the more positive social attitudes towards queers in 2000 when compared to 1970) to tell them to fuck off, but I doubt I would have been able to do that in 1970, even if I had happened to be a Beatle suffering from extreme internalised homophobia and self loathing, desperately wanting to be straight.

If I was a celebrity, I would also not want to chat my business with some random stranger for fear the therapist may try to sell my story. John, I think, might have been OK taking the risk, being the outspoken edgelord he was, but we could certainly rule out the more cautious Paul for this reason alone.

Under all these conditions, even if Lennon wasn't seeing quacks, I can't see how even my favourite 1970 therapist, Salvador Minuchin, could have helped Lennon or Lennon/McCartney with their issues at this time.

A therapist from today, with our revisionist eyes, would of course do things differently than those back then. But unfortunately, as far as I know, even the Beatles didn't have access to a time machine. Therefore, in my professional opinion, mclennon would not have been helped by 1970s therapy. Please understand that doesn't mean I think today's therapists are better than those practicing 60 years ago; I just think today's social attitudes towards LGBTQ people are better than they were 60 years ago. Currently. Let's see how Trump gets on with making America great again.

I think what it comes down to is that it just wasn't soon enough for John and Paul to stand on top of a mountain with their flag unfurled. So just standard mclennon tragedy things then.

[n4tsum1-san]

ALHAITHAM WHAT ARE YOU DOING HEREEEEE

i started watching and when alhaitham showed up i was like, THAT'S NOT NAZEEH TARSHA

ngl whoever voiced him, the mandarin pronunciation was iffy... his “是的，請” made me wince. i don't speak vietnamese so idk if that part was good or bad tho

ALSO WHY ARE THERE DIVINE NAILS ON EARTH AND WHY ARE THEY GOING AROUND ACTIVATING THEM

"my... friend kaveh and i" this mf can't stop being gay even in a my story animated video

[wildstar25]

MiqoMarch Day 26 - Faith

Though she is constantly reminded of her status being blessed by the goddess- Hydaelyn's chosen, as they called it - Arsay maintained a reluctance to allow her fate to be subject to the will of any higher being. Instead it is her friends, her family, whom Arsay puts her absolute faith in. Their bond is the greater gift by far.

[arksmemoir]

I know the old comic touched on it, but idr much of it so I wanna sit and wonder for myself what would happen in the unlikeliest of events Shadow was forced to interact with/draw from the Master Emerald.

[pandoraskinnersbox]

Happy new year I’ve been off drawing other Edward Norton characters

+ full color Conrad under the cut

[blueheartbookclub]

"Unraveling the Human Tapestry: Frank Hamel's 'Human Animals'—A Journey into the Complex Nature of Humanity"

Frank Hamel's "Human Animals" is a thought-provoking exploration of the intricate interplay between our human nature and the animal instincts that reside within us. This fascinating journey into the realms of biology, psychology, and societal constructs unfolds with a narrative precision that both challenges and enlightens. The title itself serves as a prelude to a comprehensive examination of the dualities that define our existence—a title that hints at the untamed aspects of our being, waiting to be unraveled.

Published in [Year], "Human Animals" is a testament to Hamel's keen intellectual curiosity and his ability to distill complex concepts into a narrative accessible to a broad audience. The title alludes to the central theme—the recognition that beneath our veneer of civilization, there exists a primal essence shared with our fellow creatures in the animal kingdom.

Hamel's exploration begins with a scientific lens, dissecting the biological similarities between humans and other animals. The opening chapters lay the groundwork for understanding our shared ancestry, evolutionary traits, and the genetic links that bind us to the broader animal kingdom. The title "Human Animals" becomes a guide through this scientific inquiry, inviting readers to reconsider their perception of human uniqueness.

Beyond the biological, Hamel delves into the psychological dimensions of our shared humanity. He navigates the complexities of human behavior, emotions, and social structures, drawing connections between our actions and those observed in the animal world. The title encapsulates this psychological journey, suggesting that within our societal constructs, there exist primal instincts that shape our behaviors.

Hamel's writing is not merely an academic discourse; it is a bridge between the scientific and the philosophical. The narrative is enriched by anecdotes, case studies, and historical examples that add a human touch to the exploration. The title serves as a thematic compass, signaling to readers that they are embarking on a nuanced exploration of what it means to be human, entwined with our animalistic roots.

As the book progresses, Hamel ventures into the ethical considerations surrounding our treatment of animals and the environmental impact of human activities. The title becomes a poignant reminder of the responsibility we bear as stewards of the planet, urging readers to reflect on the consequences of our actions on the delicate balance of the natural world.

"Human Animals" is not just an examination of our shared biological heritage; it is a call to introspection and societal self-reflection. Hamel challenges preconceived notions, inviting readers to confront uncomfortable truths about the intersections of humanity and animality. The title, with its enigmatic allure, guides readers through a labyrinth of ethical contemplation.

In conclusion, "Human Animals" by Frank Hamel is a captivating exploration that transcends disciplinary boundaries. The title encapsulates the essence of the book—a multifaceted exploration of the intricate connections between humanity and the animal kingdom. Hamel's prose is engaging, his ideas are profound, and the title acts as an evocative portal into the depths of our shared nature. As readers journey through the pages, "Human Animals" leaves an indelible impression, challenging us to peel back the layers of societal conditioning and reevaluate our place within the vast tapestry of the natural world.

Frank Hamel's "Human Animals" is available in Amazon in paperback 15.99$ and hardcover 23.99$ editions.

Number of pages: 399

Language: English

Rating: 9/10                                           

Link of the book!

Review By: King's Cat

[thedragonagelesbian]

I miss raas so bad im making up codex entries for them in my head....

[blueheartbooks]

"Unraveling the Human Tapestry: Frank Hamel's 'Human Animals'—A Journey into the Complex Nature of Humanity"

Frank Hamel's "Human Animals" is a thought-provoking exploration of the intricate interplay between our human nature and the animal instincts that reside within us. This fascinating journey into the realms of biology, psychology, and societal constructs unfolds with a narrative precision that both challenges and enlightens. The title itself serves as a prelude to a comprehensive examination of the dualities that define our existence—a title that hints at the untamed aspects of our being, waiting to be unraveled.

Published in [Year], "Human Animals" is a testament to Hamel's keen intellectual curiosity and his ability to distill complex concepts into a narrative accessible to a broad audience. The title alludes to the central theme—the recognition that beneath our veneer of civilization, there exists a primal essence shared with our fellow creatures in the animal kingdom.

Hamel's exploration begins with a scientific lens, dissecting the biological similarities between humans and other animals. The opening chapters lay the groundwork for understanding our shared ancestry, evolutionary traits, and the genetic links that bind us to the broader animal kingdom. The title "Human Animals" becomes a guide through this scientific inquiry, inviting readers to reconsider their perception of human uniqueness.

Beyond the biological, Hamel delves into the psychological dimensions of our shared humanity. He navigates the complexities of human behavior, emotions, and social structures, drawing connections between our actions and those observed in the animal world. The title encapsulates this psychological journey, suggesting that within our societal constructs, there exist primal instincts that shape our behaviors.

Hamel's writing is not merely an academic discourse; it is a bridge between the scientific and the philosophical. The narrative is enriched by anecdotes, case studies, and historical examples that add a human touch to the exploration. The title serves as a thematic compass, signaling to readers that they are embarking on a nuanced exploration of what it means to be human, entwined with our animalistic roots.

As the book progresses, Hamel ventures into the ethical considerations surrounding our treatment of animals and the environmental impact of human activities. The title becomes a poignant reminder of the responsibility we bear as stewards of the planet, urging readers to reflect on the consequences of our actions on the delicate balance of the natural world.

"Human Animals" is not just an examination of our shared biological heritage; it is a call to introspection and societal self-reflection. Hamel challenges preconceived notions, inviting readers to confront uncomfortable truths about the intersections of humanity and animality. The title, with its enigmatic allure, guides readers through a labyrinth of ethical contemplation.

In conclusion, "Human Animals" by Frank Hamel is a captivating exploration that transcends disciplinary boundaries. The title encapsulates the essence of the book—a multifaceted exploration of the intricate connections between humanity and the animal kingdom. Hamel's prose is engaging, his ideas are profound, and the title acts as an evocative portal into the depths of our shared nature. As readers journey through the pages, "Human Animals" leaves an indelible impression, challenging us to peel back the layers of societal conditioning and reevaluate our place within the vast tapestry of the natural world.

Frank Hamel's "Human Animals" is available in Amazon in paperback 15.99$ and hardcover 23.99$ editions.

Number of pages: 399

Language: English

Rating: 9/10                                           

Link of the book!

Review By: King's Cat

[kuntprodukt]

PAREIDOLIA

Leon S. Kennedy x reader | 18+ MDNI. DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT, NON CONSENSUAL SEX, INCEST, SOMNOPHILIA, SMUT, non consensual somnophilia, father-daughter incest, deadbeat dad, female reader, he is pervy, obsession, implied alcoholism, blowjob, masturbation, use of daddy, creampie, underwear theft, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, dirty talk, slapping.

Summary: your dad didn't teach you how to protect yourself nor he showed himself in your most important parts of life - until recently, and your mum told you to be gentle with your dad, too bad he didn't get the same memo with his kid

notes: released it from the jail finally!!!had this wip and idea since september or october, but got stuck until recently and yea.... i rewrote everything I don’t condone anything here in real life. :3 BIG thanks to @rigorwhoring for talking about dad leon with me and proofreading it, and @writingwisterias!!! uhm, reblogs, asks or comments and any kind of interractions are really appreciated!

tags: @melanchol1cs

“Your dad is a man with a hard life, be gentle.” Your mom’s voice resonates in your ears, even though she is far away from you, her familiar shake of the head and curled up brows flash in your mind. Too sweet, too nice, agonizingly when the topic is that man. You didn’t inherit this - you don’t know your dad, you’ve seen him only in photo albums, secretly hoping you don’t look like him.

It was amazing without him, really. You never felt the lack of dad. Good luck can’t last forever, cause the closest college was next to him. Perhaps, for once in his life, he decided to take responsibility.

So the house stands tall and in all its pride, looming over you as for the first time in your life a long time you feel like a little child again. The same feelings of those apartment buildings your eyes would study until the feeling that they will fall on you and the primal fear would force you to run away like a scared doe. This time is different.

Now standing in front of his door feels heavy, thoughts fill your brain anxiously - that’s the last thing you expect from yourself. Standing there and staring at it feels surreal, every passing second the door moves further from you. Blink. A normal door, it is in its place, nothing changed. Stress makes one mad. With a heavy sigh, your knuckles hit lightly the front door. Knock-knock. Silence, a little bit of rambling behind the door. Is he at home even? Or will he ignore you like always? You don’t care about this man, don’t change your mind. You are not a pussy. And this isn’t a meeting with the president.

This should be easy.

“Sorry, sweetheart..” A low and raspy voice comes out before the door opens. Your dad is in front of you. A look of hope and recognition flashes in his eyes before they get fogged by disappointment. What was that? Leon sighs, rubbing his eyes. “…did the road treat you well?”

“It was fine” you brush it off quickly, while your eyes are occupied on his face. That’s maybe your first time seeing him in flesh and blood. He looks good, but also like shit… light stubble across his cheeks, darkish spots under his eyes giving him an even more tired look. Messy dark brown hair, did he just wake up? He looks miserable. In photos he had much lighter hair, did he dye his hair when he was younger? Or blonde people just became darker with age. Unlucky for them.

Both don’t know how to act.

“Don’t stand like a statue, come on” His hand reaches for luggage, sighing again like it is heavy underpaid work on a construction site.

Tiredness washes over you after stepping inside. It looks okay here. Dusty, old, and empty bottles of cheap bourbon, no wonder he looks like shit, it is probably his first dry day since forever. A quick glance around, you didn’t catch many details, photos on shelves most of them were taken a long time ago - a photo of him and your mom, then another shelf with a girl with a red jacket and a big bear-looking man. Huge biceps. And your dad is in the middle.

“Did your mama tell you something about me?” His next question sets in the air as soon as the door closes with a click behind you. Luggage was already settled on the floor with a soft thump while you were busy studying the unmarried man’s dwelling.

Your mom. She is a good woman, with her own cons and pros - at the end of the day, she always tried to be a decent human being and you close your eyes on many things you didn’t comprehend. It is hard to raise a child alone in this economy. Still, dad as a word was empty - she never told you about him other than a simple “you have a dad”, “it is his birthday, don’t forget to call him.”. Nor he was a knight in shining armor tale-like, it was an empty word. And Daddy’s Girl or Princess is a mythological title, one you would see in movies.

“I don’t think so?” Why would she? You knew about his existence which is enough and your mom always tried to force him to interact with you. It didn’t turn out well - he’d always ignored your calls or messages. Even birthday texts.

It is awkward. His face is tensed; his eyes run away from yours, as his hand scrapes the stubble nervously - not pleased with the consequences of his own decision.

“Now… we have all the time to get to know each other” Leon speaks up again and you want to go to your room. He tries hard to pull out a memory related to you. Really. His fingers ran through his hair. “I was so busy these years” Yeah, crawling back to mom. “I remember we talked in a call, you were a cute kid, smart too”

“I don’t remember that” or like that. There is no memory other than one. And he still got it wrong. A call on your mom’s laptop which you accepted just to see his confused expression on the screen. There were no questions about your life, no greeting, just a simple one, you’d ask a stranger - “Where is your mom? Can you call her?”

“Cause you were a child, believe me,” Leon pauses. Trying to find another believable excuse. “Your old man isn’t going to mess up with you, dads are a girl’s first best friend”

“Sure…“ What a nonsense.

“Don’t be so vindictive” Leon tries to brush it off further. It isn’t hard to catch on to your clear hostility - the perks of his job.

“I am not” You shake your head. “…Just tired”

He wants to strangle you. No one likes a woman who talks too much or talks back to men. Even worse when somehow your tone and presence hint at his absence, - it is conscience talking. No man likes to be pointed to his own shit.

Leon silently watches you move to the stairs, dragging luggage behind you. An intrusive urge to keep the conversation going, to keep you here with him.

“You look so much like your mom, you know that?” His eyes travel from your face to your body. You stand there on the staircase, now higher than him, and look down. Like a judge silently deciding his fate. Leon clears his throat, his palm rubs his stubble again. “Your room is the first one to the right”

“…thank you”

For a moment, your stomach swirls uncomfortably at his blue eyes - they are sweet and warm, there is no hint of malice. At least you can’t catch it. But there is a hint of something else. Turbulent, like violent waves crashing against the rocks of the pier. And something raw. The latter you have seen that look in weird, creepy men in the bar - urging their hands on you or your friends.

To think of, you don’t know why he has a spare room in his house nor you are going to ask to not hear the answer you don’t want to swallow as a hard pill. It looks fine, better than you’ve expected. There are no posters or unique decorations - the same room you’d find in every hotel; too clean with every basic item and absence of constant living. You can fix it, unlike a hotel room.

——

It has been two months already, college keeps you busy and buried in your room, giving you more accessible excuses to avoid your dad. When he is at home, which isn’t a lot thankfully. The house is tremendously empty, even though the traces of him being here are visible, the feeling of loneliness is pressing on your brain every second of your little breaks. Nor is his presence calming, still, it soothes the void in your chest. Maybe you just miss back home, nostalgia makes the memories of the Sun warmer on your skin, ice cream tastier, and life easier.

Your panties have been disappearing. An unnatural amount, you’d be sure the place is haunted by a perverted ghost. Fortunately, you weren’t aware Leon was at fault. Nor did you try to ask him, maybe your dad appeared creepy and icky, but he wouldn’t steal your underwear, right? Most of his time he is out there working(or drinking in bars) or emptying one shot after another. And he can’t help himself, after all, you look like your mom, same face, the identical curve of your waist, and the same glimpse in your eyes.

“My ex-wife was struck by lightning, now she is my wife.“ Even your micro-expressions - your eye roll every time he jokes.

“No, she isn’t” No laughing, nothing. Your mom didn’t like his jokes either, the same tasteless bitch.

His genes didn’t fight back, perhaps one of the reasons Leon never cared for you until now. Like a cat after giving birth rejecting one of the kittens for an unexplainable reason. Instincts are wiser. He isn’t a mother, but he is a dad so this is applicable to him too, right? Of course, not because he was much busier to crawl back to your mom just to end up rejected for the thousandth time.

Your underwear is his guilty pleasure. Leon can’t help himself, he is long gone already. His attention easily glues to your underwear in his grip, free hand of habit frees his hard cock - it bobs up towards his hip and twitches in the air with already formed beads of pre-cum on his aching red tip - begging for any kind of attention. Your lips would be nice, the image of your lips around him, tracing the shape of the most prominent vein on his cock. Leon groans, leaning back against the back of the couch, the fabric of your underwear is so nice to feel pressed against his cock. O, to cum on your face - to see your pretty features to be tainted with his cum. His fist cups it in tighter, slowly pumping his cock and watching more pre-cum spill from the slit - staining your underwear, mixing with your scent. Another visual of you in his mind - your puffy folds in front of him, glistening with your slick, how his cock would press nicely in between your pussy lips, parting them and smearing your slick across his flesh. His cock twitches in his hand, quickening the pace and rubbing harder the soft fabric of your underwear.

There is a light, brief hint of clarity in his brain, whispering - Daughter! Your daughter! But it ends up being an encouragement to groan and stroking himself faster across his hardened cock until he finally gets his high. His cum spills over his knuckles and your underwear - he keeps stroking himself through his orgasm to hold on to this. Wet, dirty noises mix with his heavy breathing once he gets overwhelmed and too soft to keep it going.

At this point, this isn’t about your mom, but you. He doesn’t think about her anymore. His last chance to get what he had in his youth is you.

The obsession rooted deep in his body started to become heavier, every time you were doing your own business he wondered if your tits are the same as hers or even better. Does your pussy taste like her? Or better? Identical in appearance, the same would be applied to sex too, right? God, when his hands get on you, it would be so easy to play with you - the pressure on your spongy spot, to feel the familiar weight of your tits in his palm. He never met you until recently, but he knows your body to a T. He’d bet his teeth on that. You brought the smell of her back with the memories and he must not lose his last chance.

Maybe alcohol is doing its own deed, pushing even more inappropriate thoughts into his head - a good excuse for himself, there is no way he will admit to being on the bad side, too much happened in his life that ponders on him since he was 21 years old. Tonight Leon is brave, braver than he has ever been now that he is going to do something more than steal your underwear to jerk off on them. He’d make out with a bottle of alcohol as a gratitude.

Your entire presence here is like a gift after many years of enduring his job and rejections from your mom. You are a miracle, divine or not he hasn’t decided yet. You never lock your room, easier for your dad to get what he wants. And the night is young.

The mattress beneath you dips softly with added weight, in the dark room the outlines of your figure are still visible. You look peaceful, calm, and unaware of his presence. Of his intentions. and the edge of your shirt is riding up and shamelessly exposes the flesh of your stomach - what a tease you are and you don’t even realize it. Your unconscious body, deep in the sleep, and he probably has all night to enjoy you. This heightens his arousal, not daring to touch you for a solid minute - not believing this is real, this may be a divine gift at this point. Still need to decide on that. Blood buzzes in his ears; adrenaline, excitement, and alcohol pump his blood faster, for a moment afraid you may wake up without even having the taste of fucking you. Or he is going to have a stroke. Both scenarios aren’t optimal.

Already hard, not the hardest he has ever been - you should cut him some slack, alcohol isn’t the best friend with the boner and he is too excited. He grips his cock, slowly dragging his fist across his half-hard cock as his eyes are focused on your unconscious face. Your lips are parted slightly, a glimpse of your teeth and he can’t help himself again. Shifting closer to your face, guiding his cock to your mouth. The soft and plush skin of your lower lip connects with his tip. No need to rush, Leon, she is here, for you.

And what if she wakes up? A little bit of kitty scratches and weak slaps wouldn’t hurt. Actually, sounds even better; little bruises or scratches from you would work like an encouragement for him - in case, Leon can easily overpower you, anyway.

Slowly tracing the form of your lip with his tip, teasing himself for what is going to come. It has been years since he had a woman similar to her, they always lacked something. You are ideal. Whole. It is enough to slowly harden his cock, pre-cum bead forms on the slit just to smear it across your plush lip.

“Open up, let your dad have his fun” Finally. He nudges his cock in, slowly and watches your mouth easily open up as the tip disappears and gets enveloped with the wetness of your warm mouth.

And Leon gasps.

This is better than any pussy he had in years, maybe the lack of action comes back to haunt him - but he doesn’t care, his cock hardens in your mouth. It presses down on your tongue as he guides his hips back and forth slowly - the tip rubs on the soft surface of your wet heat. Not too rough or quick, in case you’d wake up so soon, he’d prefer that with his dick buried in your cunt. And to cum before he feels your cunt would be a sin. Your mouth hangs open, saliva hoards in the corner of it - you look like a perfect doll for him. Pulling his hard and wet cock out of your mouth, a string connects with your lips - like something he’d find in porn sites with dirty titles.

Deadbeat dad fucks his unconscious whore daughter - this would have been the title for the hypothetical porn video. And he gets even more excited.

Roughly pulling higher the fabric of your shirt, he needs to see your tits. To feel them in his palm. And they are perfect, he is memorized by the sight of your nipples stiffening up as the chillier air makes contact with them. His palm holds your breast, it fills so well - god, fuck, your tits were made for him, so perfectly sit in his hand and soft. A squeeze and they are softer than before. Softest even. Your skin is like the most expensive silk under his fingers, addicting to touch - your chest would cure his insomnia. This is something he’d expect to find in after death. Instead, he is alive and well. Miracle, alright.

“Your tits are perfect, better than I’ve imagined” Leon whispers, not flickering away from your chest.

His thumb and index fingers focus on your nipple now, in between their tips he applies more pressure. Soft, tender too. Your expression tenses, light twitches in your mouth, and how your eyebrows come together is so cute - he doesn’t even know what to stare at.

“What you like…” A light flick with his fingers on your nipple - your lips tense “This feels good, yeah?” This time his fingers twist - your lips part with a weak moan. “So good for me, for daddy” A pinch - another docile whimper, needy. For him. And his dick is painfully hard, leaking pre-cum and twitches in the air. Clearly unhappy with the neglect.

Leon isn’t in the mood to undress you - he is drunk and hard to the point his conscience doesn’t care what’s good or wrong, it whispers to him sweetly: get what you deserve, Leon, this is your gift after enduring everyone’s shit. The shit that woman’s pulled too.

“Let me see you” He positions in between your legs, fingers easily pulling aside the fabric of your shorts and underwear - exposing your pussy to his gaze.

God, fucking god, he will be damned and not to be memorized would be a sin. It isn’t wet as he expected it to be, but still, the strings of slick cling to your folds and lips, glistening like a silent spell lures him to finally fuck you. To bury his cock inside you. He adjusts his position, his cock is twitching and so close to your slick warmth.

With his hand, he guides his cock to part your pussy lips, grinding against the heat of your cunt. Its tip against your slicked folds, bumping against your clit, and watching your body flick with weak moans. The friction makes you gush even more with slick. His precum mixes with your arousal, it spreads easily on his veiny and hard cock. Would work perfectly as a lube. His free hand grips your hip tightly, angling it to finally guide his cock into your neglected hole.

His tip slowly disappears inside your slick folds, hitting his body with a rush of addicting pleasure - your walls stretch around his cock slowly, gripping every prominent vein and adjusting to the slight curve of his cock. Warm heat envelops him almost in a vice-like hold, forcing a low groan out of his throat. Your hips buck into him, sinking his cock deeper into you with a weak moan escaping - even in a badly lightened room his eyes can catch on the changes in your expressions; slightly tensed eyebrows, tongue flicks out for a moment and your fingers grip the fabric of the mattress. Your pussy engulfs him in so addictingly warm, your walls clench ridiculously tight around his cock.

The room feels with his heavy breathing, nibbling on his lower lip, and for a moment, Leon was not sure he would have been able to last long enough for him. Your pussy makes him dizzy, so much that he needed to take a pause, pulling his cock out - not entirely, leaving his tip inside you.

It is addicting to watch your hole stretching around his tip, a sight that will make him even drunker than he is right now. Popping it in and out, over and over until all he can hear are wet and filthy noises - and your moans mixed with his heavy breathing, as more slick gushes - another push, his cock sinks into you deeper and so easily. Wet teasing moment didn’t last long, already drowning in the selfish urge to fuck you. And cum. Inside you, probably. His cock twitches inside you at the thought. Maybe he will.

Slowly starting to roll his hips back and forth, which becomes deep and slow thrusts briefly. Easily losing himself in your body, his hand reaches to knead your breast, as his cock hits its tip against your cervix. His hips rock into you in quick thrusts, heavily breathing and not being able to look away from your face, every little pout or more prominent lines in between your brows, weak and breathless moans as he is fucking you - and you aren’t even aware. God, the images of you waking up and begging to stop fill his mind in a suffocating manner - that’s why he didn’t even try to drug you. Risk is too much fun to deny. His cock throbs inside you, another slam of hips. A hard gulp. A pinch on your nipple before his hand creeps up to rest on your neck before it returns to your hip.

Your skin is too perfect for him, the best silk, he’d die to have you under his hands forever.

The smell of whiskey. Cheap almost, acidic, and lures you out of your sleep. There is something else, the bed doesn’t feel firm anymore. Like sleep paralysis, an oppressive weight sits heavy on your chest and with you. Just this time, you can move and open your eyes, grogginess weighed on them before seeing your dad above you.

Like a punch in your solar plexus. Hard to breathe, too weak to do something other than try to worm out pathetically.

“G-get fucking off—!”

“I am getting off, don’t worry” Leon grunts above you, almost laughing - the dimly lightened room hides a condescending smirk on his face. Your fingers dig into his biceps, your nail will leave half-moon marks on his skin - he’d jerk off by watching them in the mirror, a good reminder of your pussy.

You won’t worm out, even a light grip on your hip is enough to hold you down.

His cock is buried deep inside you, filling your pussy to the point it feels like you lack the air. His hips meet flat against your ass after every thrust.

“Are you going to be good?“ Leon presses harder, his cock hits your G-spot, and your back arches into his hips. He wants to hear you call him daddy, really-really. You never called him dad either, which isn’t bad cause he’d probably get a boner anyway.

“Call me right, for once?” his hand squeezes your cheeks briefly to watch your lips purse out. “and not by my name”

“Asshole”

“Noo, sweetheart, that’s not it.” Leon clicks with his tongue, a slap lands on your cheek and it burns. So fucking bad. “Don’t act smart while you are just dumb bitch”

Your mind gets blank as his thrusts hit the spongy spot inside you. Your nails dig into his skin harder, this time not fighting - to grip yourself harder on him. Being gentle, maybe you should, to give what he wants.

“Fuck…” You can feel every vein on his cock, dragging inside you “Da-…daddy”

God knows he was about to cum after you called him daddy. Not sure how he didn’t fill your pussy with his load, there should be some kind of reward for that. Keeping the pace quick and his balls start to tighten in no time. He can’t keep this going forever.

“Are you going to take it? Like a good girl,” He grunts, his head falls on the crook of your neck, his lips so close to the skin - you can feel how heavy his breathing is. “Make daddy proud..”

And something isn’t right. Oh fuck. Surely he used a condom, right? Fuck, no. His hips rut against you roughly slowly becoming messier, your back arches in a perfect curve into him like you are asking for this.

“You can’t cum inside” It hits you harder, but the next protest is just choked panic. “—…no, fuck, no, no”

“Forgot you to ask” Another slap and you can only pray bruises won’t appear on your skin in the morning. Eye contact returns. “Beg”

You don’t really have the choice to protest, right? You can’t see in the dark the lamp or something else to hit him. Nor do you have the mental capacity to focus on something else than his cock rutting into you in a such right, but the wrong, filthy way. Your body loves this, gushing on his cock like a dumb whore - you? You hate this, at least that’s something you tell yourself.

“Please, Leo—…”You pause, almost let it slip. Oops, quickly fix this up! No matter how much you hate the name. “…daddy, please, not inside”

Leon hums hoarsely. You can see how he enjoys this, containing in the loud groan that wants to come out. Weird to see how much he is into this daddy thing. The hand he slapped you comes lower, fingers brush at your clit before finally applying pressure on it. Quick circle motion with the pads his fingers, rubbing the sensitive nub, and your body adores this, bucking into his fingers even harder - and deepening the penetration.

You were nice enough and he’d die to see your expression as you cum on his cock.

His pace quickens and his fingers try to keep up too before they slowly retreat to grip your face - eye contact is the way. He isn’t going to lose the opportunity. Your body dips heavier into the mattress as it becomes more ruthless and messier than before. All he can hear right now is the flesh-hitting sounds mixing with wet ones too. And your shameful moans coming from your lips. Your tits bounce with every particularly hard thrust while your pussy tightens in a silent plea to fill it, not only with his cock, but cum too.

His hips stutter in their pace for the last time, before shooting a hot load of cum inside you. You can’t help but feel used, disappointed at that. Didn’t hold his silent promise, if there was any after all. He buries deep inside, the warm cum fills your pussy almost to the brim, and his mind is blank - you can see how focused he is; his lips form a thin line, his eyes don’t look at you anymore and his brows frown as his cock pumped rope after rope inside you. Yours hits hard too, crushing to the point your body is exhausted. A tingling sensation rushes to end up in your fingertips, his skin is probably scratched and your lower stomach feels full of him - his cum, weird. You hope alcohol has been killing not only his brain but also his sperm.

When he is all spent, his body presses heavier against you - laying on you, not even pulling out his slowly softened cock. Now trying to steady his breathing. There was a weird expectation Leon’d leave you alone after orgasm, but he is still here. You want to push him off of your frame, to hit him and force him to get out of here - unfortunately, exhaustion veils the anger much easier, and your limbs grow heavier. Maybe it is lack of sleep, the grogginess that returns as your high slowly fades away and his warm body on you has a similar effect to a weighted blanket.

“Your dad is a man with a hard life, be gentle.” echoes in your mind again.

To be gentle is a gift one should earn or whatever. Not everyone was born with that. You thought you lacked that too, like a black hole the same Leon created unwillingly or unawarely in your life. Maybe not only you, the excuses for his absence swirl in your mind like a plague - Leon didn’t know better, maybe he didn’t have a good father figure either, - how could he know what to do at a young age? You wouldn’t have known either. Maybe you’d ignore your child for two decades too.

Tonight, ignorance is bliss and there should be only a weak embrace. Your arms wrap around his shoulders instead of pushing him off of you - you let him to fall asleep this once as an act of kindness you have promised your mom.

[a-hound-will-die-for-you]

Pride and Jealousy

Masterlist

Summary: Sandor has serious self-esteem issues, which make him insanely jealous and possessive of anyone who gets close to you. After a huge argument, things between you two go cold as ice; but Sandor’s not ready to let you go. He will fight for you. Even if it means doing the one thing he swore he’d never do. [Reader's POV!] Word count: 5600 Notes: highborn lady f!reader x Sandor Clegane; preestablished relationship; huge argument; jealousy; possessiveness; a bit of rough treatment; Ser Loras is kind to you; you're angry and hurt - but Sandor will fix it. English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes I might make. Constructive feedback is welcomed, I am here to share and learn <3 Dedicated to @mrsrincewind for their incredible art about Sandor <3.

You barely had time to brace your hands against the mattress. Your chin sank into the silk pillow as a rough hand seized your hair, shoving you mercilessly down against the bed.

“Sandor, he didn’t touch me!” you cried, voice muffled by the fine sheets. Above you, the towering form of the King's shield loomed large over your helpless body.

“He laid hands on your waist,” he growled, and his knees sank deep into the mattress on either side of your bare thighs.

“He was taking my measurements!”  You twisted and kicked backward as his free hand pushed your skirts higher. All to no avail, for his arm snaked around your middle and hauled you up so that your knees were left dangling in the air.

The motion only stoked your fury. You tried to drive your heels into him, as if you could hope to harm one of the deadliest men in the Seven Kingdoms, but the dark figure pinned you more firmly to the four-post bed and let out a mocking, cruel laugh.

“Let’s settle this like we always do, woman. By bloody fucking.”

That was your bond with Sandor Clegane.

Raw, primal, and savage. A connection forged not in silk or songs, but in need and flesh. 

In a court full of schemers, Sandor had become your loyal fighting dog. A strong and steadfast ally who, far beyond conventions and traditional forms of courtship, sought pleasure in the shadows of your chamber whenever his duties afforded him a respite. No honeyed words, no pleasantries to soften the edge, what existed between you neither of you had yet named, it simply burned.

But for all that he was fierce and deadly, he was just as damned insecure when it came to you. The man hated himself more than anything else in the world, and that festering self-loathing convinced him that he was unworthy of your attentions. You had lain together more times than you could count, yet every time he walked away from your door, the shadow of the thought that it might have been the last time he held you in his arms, tormented him.

Ironically, that self-contempt never drove him to step back and set you free.

Gods, no.

You were the best thing that had ever happened to him in all his wretched life, and the fear of losing you terrified him more than burning in the fires of the Seven Hells. For all of that, he had become fiercely possessive and aggressively hostile toward any man who dared to come near you.

Of course, you were well aware of it. You had confronted him about it on several occasions, but instead of the situation improving, it had only worsened. And there were many men now with broken ribs and noses, all for nothing more than offering their hand to help you down from a carriage.

That very afternoon, the court’s new tailor had come to your chambers to take your measurements for a new gown. Hours later, word reached you that the poor man had been found beaten in an alleyway. Three molars was he seen to spit out.

It was intolerable.

When Sandor came to your room later that evening, you raised your voice before he even stepped past the threshold. You would not endure another outburst of savage jealousy, no matter if he was the king’s dog.

The argument was fierce. One more among the countless ones you'd already had over the same matter. Gruff and scornful, he did not yield to your shouting, flinging back every reproach with twice the venom. Both of you said things you regretted the moment they left your mouths, and then, in an attempt to end the quarrel and set things right, Sandor resorted to what always worked for you both. He lifted your body mid-sentence, cutting you off in the roughest way and tossing you unceremoniously onto the bed.

You both enjoyed the fantasy of the helpless maiden being forced by a warrior. Every time, Sandor would ravage you with the fury of a charging beast, claiming every inch of you while the intense pleasure drowned your reproaches in gasps and moans.

But tonight, you weren’t having it.

As you kept fighting and begging him to release you, the hand gripping your head released you to shift behind your back. The metallic clinking you knew all too well told you he was unbuckling his belt. You kicked harder, striking his thigh. The attack only earned you another coarse laugh and a harsher grip on your hips.

“That’s it, woman,” came his vicious voice from above, “give me an excuse to get rough.”

Furious and with a fire rising uncontrollably in your chest, you braced your hands on the mattress, screaming and shoving hard to twist beneath him. So much rage must have poured from your throat that the man, startled, eased his weight for you to turn onto your back. You pushed up onto your elbows, and your hand shot upward in a wide arc aimed at his scarred cheek. The man caught your wrist with the swiftness of a wolfhound, stopping you just an inch from his face.

Something shattered between you.

You both were breathing hard from the surge of adrenaline. Your lips parted and trembled. In his eyes burned a storm of fury and endless sorrow in equal measure. He released your wrist roughly and tilted his burned chin upward.

“Go on. Slap me if that’s what you want,” he whispered hoarsely, offering you that terrible, ruined face.

You stared at him with a glacial glare, but the words you spoke next were colder still.

“Get out. If you cannot master yourself… if you cannot set aside your pride over this, then do not come back to me,” you said, heart thundering against your ribs as though the Smith himself were trying to shatter your ribcage from within.

Sandor’s dark eyes dimmed in an instant. He gave you the emptiest, deadest look as he straightened up. The space that opened between your body and his burned like a wound. He didn’t speak another word, only fastened his belt in silence, bowed his head, and turned toward the door with heavy, miserable steps.

The sound of the iron bolt slamming shut made you flinch, though that wasn’t why your hands were shaking.

-*-

An entire sennight passed without either of you speaking again. He didn’t come looking for you. And you spent your days surrounded by your ladies-in-waiting, distracting yourself as best you could with the tasks of daily life - reading, chatting, or embroidering. 

You would lie if you said you didn’t miss him terribly. Every morning, you woke to find your bed empty and cold, and the aching pain in your guts only grew with each passing day. 

Often, when you found yourself in the Great Hall and King Joffrey honored you all with his presence, your eyes would drift toward the space behind the throne. For just a few seconds, they would linger on the threatening shadow that always stood there - alert and vigilant. Yet you would barely catch a glimpse of his worn chestplate before your gaze quickly withdrew, fearing you would meet his eyes. 

Before you even realized, the week had turned to two. The court was immersed in preparations for King Joffrey’s name day. Banquets, royal hunts, tournaments... Everyone spoke eagerly about it, for an event of such caliber was always cause for joy and merriment. 

The ladies whispered among themselves at the imminent arrival of the handsome knights who would ride in the jousts. Most attention was on the Tyrell and Tarly houses, though some lesser houses like the Swyfts, Leffords, and Westerlings also drew interest. Such a display of beauty, wealth, and power left hardly anyone indifferent.

You, however, paid no mind to the ladies' gossip. Nor did you care in the slightest about the upcoming events. Dismissing your ladies-in-waiting, you spent most of your time in solitude, wandering quietly through the blooming gardens around the Red Keep.

Your mind wandered time and time again to Sandor Clegane. You missed his gravelly voice, the scent of metal, earth, and sweat after a day in the training yard. You missed his presence, feared by all, but comforting to you. You couldn’t understand how a man who had told you he was willing to lay down his life for you couldn’t set aside his pride if you asked him. Perhaps there were different kinds of courage? Perhaps you weren’t important enough to him?

Your thoughts caught in your throat as you fiddled with the peas on your silver plate. You didn’t even know why you had come to lunch in the Great Hall that day. Your stomach struggled to accept the food, and the frantic hustle and bustle of the servants, carrying banners of the houses for the next day’s tournament, was irritating. With a long sigh, you placed your ivory-handled fork on the table and made to rise.

A beautiful white rose greeted you as you stood, held by delicate hands that extended it gracefully before your eyes.

"For you, milady, if I may be so bold,” the bearer of the rose spoke. “I saw you admiring the flowers earlier in the gardens, and though none could compare to your beauty, perhaps this one might help soften the sadness in your eyes."

Your gaze focused on the young man. He was lovely as a maid, with a crown of chestnut curls and eyes like molten gold. The knight of flowers, you thought. Of course, the guests had already arrived for the festivities, and you had hardly noticed. He would likely be competing in the joust tomorrow.

“Thank you, Ser,” you said, taking the flower and smiling politely at him. He offered you a radiant smile of his own, full of perfect white teeth.

“Ser Loras Tyrell, at your service, my lady,” he said in a pleasant voice, then gently brought your hand to his lips.

Your smile seemed to please him, as he offered you his arm with an elegant movement that made his cloak flutter.

“It’s a splendid day. Will you walk with me? I promise to be an entertaining companion and keep you safe from... any possible bee stings we may chance upon in the garden."

His boldness, combined with his light sense of humor, made you laugh. It was a discreet laugh, but sincere and spontaneous. You realized then that you hadn’t laughed in a long time. After a brief moment of thought, you concluded that you could use some flattery from this man who seemed more than willing to make you smile and delight your ears.

“Of course,” you answered, taking his arm.

Loras Tyrell kept his promise to be a pleasant and courteous escort. He was everything Sandor Clegane despised. A man who set himself upon a pedestal, the very picture of all the virtues enshrined in the noble code of chivalry. In little more than an hour, he had boasted of his valor and piety more times than you cared to count. 

You had long since ceased to be a girl who believed in such fool’s tales of gallant knights. Sandor had seen to that. And far were you from being the swooning, starry-eyed damsel the famed Knight of the Flowers had taken you for.

But truth be told, you were enjoying yourself, and his knowledge of the different types of flowers that adorned the garden was quite impressive. You were both watching with interest the way the fruits of the trees had ripened, when the childish voice of King Joffrey came from behind you.

“Ah, Ser Loras, I see you are enjoying… the flowers of the court.”

“Your Grace,” you immediately turned and curtsied, lowering your eyes to the floor. The boy was vile and cruel, but for some reason, he seemed to take a liking to you. Who knew for how long.

He prompted you to lift your face. Behind him, his guard dog loomed like an imposing, dangerous black shadow. You didn’t look at him directly, but you felt his eyes first settle on Loras’s arm around yours, then on the white rose you held in your hand. The king’s fingers, laden with gold rings, gently brushed your chin. 

“And what better flower than my lady. Beautifully bloomed, but still not watered.”

“Indeed, Your Majesty,” Ser Loras replied, his caramel-colored eyes gazing at you.

Fortunately, you were an expert in the art of subtlety. But by the gods, it was hard to maintain your composure and not scoff at his words. Out of habit, your eyes searched for a hint of complicity in Sandor’s gaze. He would usually return your glance with a nearly imperceptible twitch or a roll of his eyes. 

But today, your gaze did nothing to change the unreadable face he wore. His eyes were fixed on a point behind you, and his mask of indifference felt like a thousand wasp stings to your already shattered heart.

The conversation between the two men continued, talking about the weather and the joust the following day. After an exchange of compliments, the king made his desire to continue his walk known. Ser Loras made a small bow and secured his arm around yours. You lowered your head as the little Lannister held your hand to kiss it.

The small royal procession resumed its march, and so did the metallic clinking of Sandor’s armor with every step. He stood more than a head taller than your escort as he passed by your side. His white cloak brushed your hip in passing, but his gaze remained fixed ahead, his brow set in a deep frown. On another occasion, he might have slipped a gauntleted hand over your skirt without anyone noticing. Impossible to do so now, with his fist tense and closed around the hilt of his sword.

Your walk with Ser Loras lasted little longer. Your guts were twisted into the world's tightest, ugliest knot, but you could not tell him so. The setting sun on the horizon provided the perfect excuse to retire to your chambers. Even so, he insisted on accompanying you.

Once in your room, your mind spun around the way Sandor had ignored you in the gardens. You collapsed onto the bed, still dressed and with your shoes on, and covered your face with your hands. 

Was it over? Was this how your encounters would end? 

You were angry with him for being unable to contain his possessive impulses. What were these terrible jealousies born of? Hadn't you shown him, time and time again, by dishonoring your name and risking your reputation, that you had no affections for anyone else? 

Affections, you thought. When had he ever shown you affection? Desire, yes. Lust and passion, too. But affection? Your body shuddered at the thought. It was true that The Hound was not a man of sweet words. But still, you longed for him to verbally express his feelings for you.

If he had any. 

Nothing would please you more than to hear from his lips what every lady dreamed of hearing from her chosen knight. A bitter and sad laugh escaped your chest. You were ashamed of longing for those words, but most of all, you knew he would never utter them in his life.

Your eyes wandered across your room until they landed on the upper frame of the door. You remembered your first kiss. The way you had stood on your toes in the hallway, tugging at his gorget to pull him down to you. He had pressed his lips to yours with inexperienced fervor as you stumbled blindly into your chambers, so enthralled that he forgot to duck upon entering and struck his forehead against the frame.

That night, you had been equals. 

For you, it was the first time you had a man between your thighs, his body starving for warmth as it entered yours, pressing into your maidenhead with a wildness you had never known before.

And for him? It was the first time he kissed, and was kissed in return. The first time he held a woman in his arms, chests bumping against one another as you looked him in the eyes - unafraid, and with no coin to be counted afterward.

Uncontrollable sobs shook your chest. You pulled your knees up to your chest, hugging them tightly in search of some comfort.

It never came. You slept poorly, on a pillow soaked with bitter, hot tears.

-*-

The next morning, the sound of hurried footsteps interrupted the little sleep you had managed to grasp. Heavy curtains were drawn apart, and the sudden, bothersome light that poured through the window fell cruelly upon your reddened eyelids.

“My lady, we must make haste. In less than two hours you are expected in the stands,” urged the sharp yet pleasant voice of your handmaid.

You let out a groan most unbefitting of a lady as the woman helped you sit up in bed. Without saying a word about why you had passed the night fully clothed, she unlaced your shoes and prompted another maid to bring a porcelain basin filled with cold water. At the far end of your chamber, two girls pulled your new dress from the wardrobe and brushed it with haste.

“My lady, your face looks weary. Are you unwell?” the same woman asked, frowning as she patted your cheeks with a damp cloth.

You shook your head, though you should have said yes, had you remembered your duties for the day.

“Thank the gods,” she added as she refreshed your neck and shoulders. “It would be a shame if you could not attend the tourney.” 

Your eyes widened at once. 

The tourney.

“Oh no.” You stared at her with round, tearful eyes. “No... I don’t want to go…” 

"You must go, my lady," she said, helping you to your feet. "The king expects you in the noble stands. The entire royal family is counting on your presence… and the lords." 

A short gasp escaped your lips as she stripped you down, leaving you as bare as on your name day. Behind you, the other girls whispered to one another about how handsome the knights might be. You cared for none of it. All you wanted was to return to your bed and weep.

While you put on fresh smallclothes, your handmaid held up two dresses, one in each hand. You shook your head, refusing to cooperate, but before you realized it, she had tossed them both on the bed and was pulling a tight corset over your head. You grasped one of the bedposts and let her lace the strings, too exhausted to protest.

“My lady, many knights will look at you today…” she tried to lift your spirits as she cinched the garment around your waist.

You exhaled, dry and mocking. You had not the slightest interest in any knight watching you. The maid mistook your contempt for mere doubt, and as she chose the more elegant of the two dresses you had dismissed, she went on, hopeful. 

“Perhaps one of them might even fight for you.”

You barely heard her. Your arms and legs had gone weak as the beautiful velvet gown slipped over your skin. 

Once fully clothed, you let your weight fall onto the chair before your vanity. Someone had left a silver tray with grapes and a honey-scented tea on it. As your handmaid undid the messy braid from the day before, you picked a grape and bit into it. Its juice burst across your tongue, far too sweet for the sadness that lingered within you. When the maid finished a hairstyle that highlighted your beauty and grace, she leaned slightly toward you and smiled at you through the mirror.

"The whole court is talking about how Ser Loras Tyrell was enchanted by you while you walked the gardens yesterday."

You sighed. The memory of your garden stroll brought with it a far more bitter one. Sandor Clegane, standing behind the king and ignoring you. The woman must have mistaken again your frailty for love’s weakness, for she carried on.

“He is a handsome man. All the ladies of the court envy you.”

“They’ve nothing to envy,” you said in a somber tone. The last thing you needed was all the women of the court against you.

Your handmaid smiled again, then held up a lovely pearl necklace between her fingers as she looked at you through the mirror. You shook your head, and she frowned when she saw you reach for a simple silk ribbon instead, tying it around your neck as an ornament. It was not the choice she would have made for such a dress, but given your mood, she let it be.

“You look radiant," she said in a last attempt to draw a smile from you. "They say Ser Loras always rides with a white rose tied to his lance. I’m certain he’ll ask for your favor and offer it to you.”

Her effort failed, for you froze.

Gods help you if the man were foolish enough to do such a thing.

-*-

No matter how quickly your maids worked, you were among the last ladies to arrive at the festivities. The master of ceremonies had already begun announcing the tournament. The knights who would face each other had been called, and their titles declared.

The noble stands teemed with color and silk, each house proud in its finery. Ladies whispered behind lace fans while their lords murmured wagers on the tilt below. It was crowded with spectators from all corners of the realm, and the seat you usually occupied had already been taken by another lady. As soon as she saw you, she rose and offered you your chair, but you motioned for her to stay, taking a seat lower down with a poorer view. 

More discreet, you thought. Much better.

Once settled, your gaze drifted to the royal stand, where the king and queen offered you a slight nod of acknowledgment. You did the same, with an elegant but brief curtsy. 

It did not escape your notice that Sandor Clegane was not behind the lions. Instead, two members of the Kingsguard stood on either side of the king. You found it odd that, on such an important and crowded day, the royal family had dispensed with their dog’s services. The king had many enemies, and many of them were fool enough to try to harm him even in broad daylight.

Then your gaze swept over the muddy jousting field. The earth had been compressed, but the rain had left the ground soft and unstable, unfavorable for heavier horses. Squires and stableboys ran from side to side adjusting saddles, sharpening lances, or preparing ornate armors. 

You leaned back in your seat with disinterest. The rasping, scornful voice of the Hound could almost be heard in your head, mocking the false fanfare of the knights and the fevered glances the perfumed ladies cast upon them. The man had infected you with his distaste for such a circus, though the little girl inside you still sometimes dreamed of romance.

Only sometimes, and always in embarrassment, for he was right. They were cunts, the lot of them, with coin and nothing better to do.

With little enthusiasm, you watched as several knights took the field. The stands roared with fervor when Ser Jaime Lannister unhorsed Lord Bryce Caron in a single tilt. You merely sighed under your breath and offered a brief, courteous clap. Then came Ser Balon Swann, Lord Renly, and Lord Beric Dondarrion, all of them as effective and victorious as they were boring to you.

The entrance of an elegant, grey mare, led by a young squire, confirmed that the next participant would be the Knight of the Flowers. The ladies in the stands gasped, and a great ovation arose from the spectators as Loras Tyrell, in his silver armor adorned with sapphires and black vines, appeared before the crowd. A white rose was indeed tied to his lance. You immediately lowered your eyes.

By the Seven, may he not see me and approach. 

Your eyes were still fixed on the ground when you heard a familiar neigh and the sound of heavy horse hooves sinking into the mud.

Your heart slammed against your ribs.

Stranger. 

The applause of the stands dwindled, and you immediately raised your head to look at Sandor Clegane, guiding his enormous, ill-tempered stallion across the tiltyard.

“Do not worry, my lady,” said a nearby lord. “Ser Loras is skilled with a lance and will defend himself.”

You barely heard him, so focused you were on the black steed and its rider. He wore the same battered, blackened armor as always. Unlike his opponent, he did not look at the crowd. His gaze was fixed on his nervous mount, which whinnied and resisted. 

You looked at the horse with a tightness in your chest. You knew him well. When you crossed paths with Sandor in the stables, the sullen animal would nudge you gently with its muzzle. Sandor often jested about this, reprimanding him for stealing all your attention. The black destrier was as strong and stubborn as they came, and the jousts made him nervous. That was why Sandor rarely participated in them. And that was why he was patting the beast affectionately as they were met with boos and jeers from the stands. 

Your blood boiled in your veins. Normally, no one would dare boo Sandor Clegane. But in tournaments, there were always favorites, and the anonymity of the stands gave rise to such things. In any case, as much as it enraged you, Sandor was used to not having the favor of the crowd. And he couldn’t give less of a damn.

Once he managed to calm Stranger down, he placed his dreadful, dog’s helmet on, put a foot in the stirrup, and mounted upon the warhorse in search of a lance. Meanwhile, Ser Loras Tyrell was helped into the saddle by his squire, more concerned with the mud staining his gleaming armor. Then, the Knight of Flowers spurred his mare into a slow trot, and wherever he rode, was met with applause.

From the other side, the Hound had already chosen any available lance to compete and was rotating his right shoulder to warm up. He then leaned forward in his saddle, whispered something to the horse and tightened the reins to urge it into a gallop across the tiltyard. 

“Whoa!” he bellowed, and the horse’s hooves sank into the mud as its rider brought it to a halt before the noble stands. The ladies gasped and squealed. The lords hissed. You watched the scene with wide eyes, unable to understand.

Sandor Clegane seemed confused. He looked this way and that at the crowd, angrily raising the visor of his helmet to get a better view. The horse, sensing its rider’s confusion, snorted nervously. Sandor yanked the reins to one side and urged the animal forward a few paces along the stands, his eyes still fixed on the crowd. Some women looked away as he passed directly before them, but he kept searching.

Searching.

Then you understood. He was looking for the place where you always sat. The spot that, due to your tardiness, was now occupied by another lady. 

In an almost involuntary act of compassion, you leaned forward and rested your arms on the wooden railing, making yourself stand out in the crowd. And just then, Sandor Clegane’s dark eyes fixed on you.

“Hyah!” he bellowed, and Stranger seemed to recognize you as well, for it trotted cheerfully up to stand right in front of you. 

The women around you held their breath as Sandor’s gloved hand reached for his helmet and yanked it upward, freeing himself from it before you. You felt your blood pulse strongly through your veins. The entire crowd fell silent as the man gazed at you wordlessly, with a seriousness that surpassed his usual sullen expression. His black eyes were locked onto yours like two dark prayers. Still, you could see the devotion behind the darkness. A devotion he had never failed to hold since the first time moment your paths crossed.

“Hey, dog!” you heard the impatient voice of the king shout from the royal stand, “your place is on the other side!”

At this, some in the crowd laughed. Yet Sandor did not avert his gaze from you, nor did you from him. Stranger took a step forward without any command from its rider, and in that moment, the man raised his voice, speaking before the entire kingdom the words he never thought he would say in all his miserable life.

“I ask for the lady’s favor!”

The crowd fell silent once more. The request was more a roar than a spoken plea, likely an attempt to impose his will over his own embarrassment. Your bewilderment kept your body from reacting, not even a breath of air entered your lungs.

Sandor’s deep eyes stared at you with intensity, waiting for your answer. His face was serious, but the unscarred side of his face betrayed a sadness. The soft chuckles returned to the stands, and you realized that your inaction was making a fool of him.

You snapped back to yourself. With a force that nearly made you jump from your seat, you stood up and said in the loudest, clearest voice you could muster.

“You have it, Sandor Clegane. May honor and victory ride with your lance.”

The last words came out somewhat hoarsely. No knight had ever asked for your favor, and you’d never rehearsed the scene. You didn’t know if your words had been the right ones, but what mattered was showing your support to him. And the way the harsh lines of his face softened made you think you had done it right.

Your lips trembled with emotion before curling into a beautiful smile. His eyes lit up at that, and the unburned corner of his mouth twitched upward into the grimace he often made when he saw something that pleased him. 

You thought that with that exchange, the man would turn Stranger and the tournament would begin. But he didn’t move. He stayed rooted in the sand, staring at you. Around you, whispers began to rise again in the stands. You looked at the people, confused, and Sandor’s voice made you focus your eyes back on him.

“The token, my lady…” he said softly, his brow quirked with slight amusement.

Oh! How could you be so foolish! You had to give him something! Stricken with the nervousness of feeling all eyes on you, your mind seemed too clouded to think clearly. 

You weren’t wearing jewelry, nor a veil. You weren’t wearing gloves, nor had you made a flower crown... Your hands fumbled clumsily over the sleeves of your dress, searching for a handkerchief, but finding nothing. Then they climbed up to your neck and, trembling, untied the simple silk ribbon you had chosen that morning. 

Sandor removed his leather glove and raised his hand to meet yours as you held onto the railing. Were it not dulled by blows, his spaulder might have nearly gleamed with the movement. He closed his hand around yours, and his thick thumb briefly caressed your knuckles. Your heart seemed to leap out of your mouth. The roughness of his hand felt incredibly sweet against your skin after so many days without his touch. The gesture was inappropriately intimate for such a moment, and even the horse seemed to notice, for from the royal stand they watched the animal wag its tail and bring its rider even closer to you.

“Dog!” the king called out with a mocking tone, “Your beast seems to be in love with the lady!”

Sandor grunted, making himself heard over the laughter that echoed through the stands.

“Aye!” He growled, then you heard his voice again, a rough whisper meant for your ears alone. “He loves her. Deeply… and more than his own damn pride.”

The warmth that spilled far beyond your chest made your heart swell, and you laughed, breathless and lowering your head to hide the flush that bloomed across your cheeks. In his eyes burned a desperate question he could not bring himself to ask, but the glimmer in your eyes when you looked up again, put an end to his torment. 

Reconciliation. 

You were granting him leave to come to you that night. 

Sandor drew his hand away from yours and carefully tucked the ribbon into a slit of his vambrace. Then, he dipped his head to you, and after you nodded, kicked his horse into a gallop to take his place upon the tiltyard.

-*-

Ser Loras proved to be a swift and skilled opponent on horseback, but Sandor Clegane won the tournament that day. 

How could he not, with you by his side? 

But that night, amidst tears and caresses and embraces in your chamber, he won something far more important than applause or a purse of coins. For as he made a commitment of restraint, he earned your forgiveness and your trust. He earned the delight of your smile, and the warmth of your laughter. And kissing you almost as a knight of old would, he earned the beats of your heart, sealing his bond to you with a promise of loyalty and eternal love.

...............

Thanks for reading! <3

What do you think? A comment would give me life, and encourage me to write more :)

[cc-nadama]

Feelings, It’s Been Too Long Since I Felt

Inspired by a Mustafa Avşaroğlu song

Summary: When a series of innocent encounters with the cleaning lady led to a more intimate relationship, Viktor finds himself absolutely smitten.

Pairing: Viktor x cleaning lady!reader

Rating: Mature

Expected Content: There are no sexual acts depicted in this work. However, there is a passionate kissing scene.

Word count: 2,440

To @the-californicationist, thank you for your kind words and advice. I finally wrote something that I felt proud of sharing.

———

Even in his deepest moments of solitude, there was this undeniable feeling—a yearning that Viktor could never shake. It was this bothersome inkling, incessant in its demand and fervent in its inclination. Forever present in his lonesome existence and forever there to remind him of his growing need for companionship.

With each passing day, the notion remained. It festered like an ill-begotten wound, clawing into his flesh until it gnawed on his weary bones. Soon, his mind became a feverish haze, lost in a stream of consciousness that delved into the primal depths of his imagination.

For hours, Viktor sat. His gaze was turned towards the window, watching the silver light filter into his laboratory. His space was a mess, cluttered with various contraptions and inventions, the metal machinery glinting underneath the pearlescent glow. Somewhere, a faint yet constant hum filled the empty air, a noise that barely kept him from the brink of silence.

Within his hands was a small device, a partially constructed piece that kept his idle hands busy. Yet, despite his best efforts to keep his mind from conjuring visages of you, it was all met in vain.

For a brief moment, Viktor caught a faint whiff of your perfume—the delicate notes of lavender and vanilla flitting in the air until it swirled around him like a tender caress. Suddenly, memories of you rushed into his mind like a babbling brook. Every little detail came to him so vividly. The way you looked into his eyes with that sweet little smile. The lovely sound of your voice while you rambled on about your day. The feeling of your fingers running over his skin.

With a shuddering sigh, Viktor slumped into his chair and closed his eyes. He was fraying at the seam, practically unraveling from the mere thought of you. The moment he had gotten a taste, you became a craving for a man who never knew he was starved. You became his reckoning—the reason behind the fall of a brilliant scientist. If you were to ever disappear from his life, Viktor would be in absolute pieces. You became his everything.

It was a simple yet profound epiphany, one that dawned on him the night you slept in his arms. Your weary head was pressed against his firm chest, the steady rhythm of his breathing lulling you to sleep. His slender arms were wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him while the two of you lay on his bed.

Somehow, that night stirred something deep within him as he watched you. His gaze was tender, eyes tracing the features of your face and counting the moles and freckles along your skin. Viktor spent those blissful hours studying every little detail, committing them to memory.

“Viktor? What are you doing, it’s a quarter past midnight.”

Your voice was a delicate sound, one that complimented the peaceful stillness in his laboratory. Amidst the constant humming and thrumming, devoid of the usual clanging and thrashing, your voice was the perfect harmony that soothe his aching heart.

Within an instant, Viktor turned in his seat to meet your gaze. Even under the dim moonlight, the amber in his eyes were smoldering with emotion—something so raw and intense that it left you momentarily stunned. Before Viktor, no one had ever looked at you that way. It was as if you were the definite solution to a once insoluble equation.

For a fleeting second, nothing else mattered. Whatever words you were supposed to utter next had died on your tongue. In the absence of speech was the weight of unspoken meaning—sentiments that were never fully expressed but entirely felt. It lingered heavy in the air, begging for someone to bring it to attention.

Then, Viktor cleared his throat and looked away.

“I needed to finish some work.” He gestured to the device in his hand before placing it on his desk. He spoke in an even tone, belaying the inner turmoil stirring deep within his core. Somehow, a simple cleaning lady was turning him inside out.

Unlike his stoic delivery, what tumbled out of your trembling lips was a sheepish reply,

“Well, you should—uhm—call it a… night.” You suggested, your voice barely even an audible mumble.

You watched the corner of his lips twitch into a crooked smile, his voice sounding softer than when he last spoke. When Viktor met your gaze again, the heat behind his eyes softened—replaced with a promising warmth that made your stomach flutter.

“I suppose I could use the rest.”

Viktor made a small hum before he lifted himself from his chair. His movements were careful, using his cane to support his crippled leg. Even with the subtle hobble in his step, his stride remained purposeful. There was nothing that could stop him from walking towards you. Viktor was always determined to cross the distance, especially when it meant he could be with you in the end.

Soon, the two of you were walking down the hallway side by side. It was a long journey from his laboratory to the dormitory, navigating through several intersections and winding corridors. But, whenever Viktor had you with him, it made the ache in his leg a little more bearable.

You listened to the sound of your footsteps padding against the marble floor, noticing how the tip of his cane would make a soft clack at the same moment. It was an easy melody, one that filled the comfortable silence.

“How have you been?” Viktor finally spoke. His heart was racing—building a thundering rhythm he was sure you could hear.

It was an innocent question. One that either of you would ask on any given occasion. Viktor knew about the misgivings of your work, having witnessed some of it firsthand. Yet, he always loved to hear your recounts—rather, he loved to hear your voice when you did so.

“The usual.” You glanced at him from the corner of your eye, noticing the small smile that curved his lips. It was almost unusual to see him like this—content and at peace. Viktor was a man of relentless ambition. Yet, whenever you were with him, Viktor seemed to forget about his work. Instead, all he could focus on was you. You were what mattered most in that moment.

“The councilors had a gathering earlier. Had to clean after them…” You continued, relaying the events of your day while knowing how trivial it was to a distinguished scientist like him. Yet, unbeknownst to you, Viktor needed to hear something mundane. His mind was like a loom—constantly weaving equations and theorems. He needed to hear something unrelated to his work, something monotonous and ordinary.

“I missed you.” You remarked suddenly.

Within an instant, Viktor snapped his head to the side. He looked surprised, not expecting you to say something so bold. His lips were opening and closing, searching for the right words to say.

“I… I missed you too.” He mumbled a reply. But, beneath the twilight, you saw how his eyes gleamed with sincerity.

Then, the both of you stopped.

“How have you been, Viktor?” It was your turn to ask, and when you did, you saw how his lips curved into another smile.

“Restless—until you came.” It was an honest answer. Because throughout the day, his mind was nearing the brink of hysteria. You were driving him practically insane.

Then, the two of you continued to walk, rounding the corner to where his dormitory was.

It was only when you stood in front of his door did you meet his gaze again, noticing something swimming beneath the amber of his eyes. It was almost indiscernible—yet, it made your core blossom with warmth.

“Would you like some tea?” Viktor inquired as he opened the door, gesturing for you to enter.

“That would be lovely.” You smiled in reply before stepping inside.

A few of the curtains were still drawn from this morning, offering a faint pearlescent glow to an otherwise unlit apartment. He followed you from behind, closing the door until it made a click. Then, he made his way into the small kitchen, pulling the kettle from the shelves so he could boil some water.

Whenever the two of you had your little meetings, it always began with a good cup of tea. It became a tradition—something that Viktor looked forward too.

You ventured deeper into his room and took a deep breath, smelling something familiar. It was his scent—woody, musty, and with a delicate note of vanilla. It reminded you of an old book, where the pages were browning and the ink was fading.

His room reflected his simplicity, keeping to the basic necessities while staying true to his academic pursuits. You walked over to the side of his bed, your hand tracing over the grains of his wooden bookshelf. It displayed a few of his favorite collections, with titles written in his native tongue while others pertained to the sciences.

You undid the front buttons of your jacket, folding it over the backrest of his chair.

Meanwhile, Viktor watched you from the kitchen, his eyes following your gentle movements. While the kettle remained on the stovetop, boiling on low heat, he walked over to you.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, the sound of his cane mingling with the soft patter of his footsteps. Then, it came to a stop just a few paces behind you.

When you turned around, you saw his slender fingers undoing his necktie and the first few buttons of his dress shirt. He gave you a knowing smile before glancing over to the bed.

“I could say the same about you.” You replied, the corners of your lips twitching into a cheeky grin. Even under the dim light, you could see the playful gleam in his eyes.

So, you kicked off your shoes and jumped into bed. Viktor couldn’t help but chuckle at your eagerness, removing his loafers before he settling in beside you.

You lay your head on his chest, a finger tracing a gentle pattern over his skin. His nose was buried in your hair, an arm wrapped around your waist. Viktor pulled you closer to him until your bodies met, pressed impossibly close. Underneath the layers of clothing, you could feel his warmth seeping into your skin, stoking a fire deep within your core.

“I’ve been thinking about you. A lot.” Viktor whispered, his lips grazing your forehead.

You tilted your head back, wanting to meet his gaze. You could see something simmering beneath the amber of his eyes—something so intense. His desire for you was humming deep within his bones, his fingers twitching as it yearned to touch you.

Slowly, you leaned in, closing the space between you by millimeters a second. Then, your lips brushed against his chapped ones, soft and testing, wanting to see whether he would pull away. When he didn’t, you fell deeper into the kiss, your arms wrapping around his neck to keep him close. The kiss deepened and you could feel the coolness of his fingers against your flushed cheek, hands moving to cup your face.

Viktor hummed in response, his eyes fluttering close as he melted into the kiss. Your head was spinning from the excitement, your heart pounding in your ears. It sent you into a blur of pure want, desperate to feel more of him. Your lips were moving in tandem with his, suddenly feeling something warm prod against your bottom lip. You made a quiet and pitchy sound, almost like a suppressed whine of surprise,

“Mm!”

Viktor hummed and continued his exploration, slipping into your mouth. You could feel his tongue gently moving inside, stirring something deep within your core that made you blush. It was becoming too much for you to handle, your head now dizzy from the sudden rush.

Your breathing became ragged, out of tune with your usual cadence. It was frantic and without pace, sucking in breaths whenever you could. It was only when Viktor broke the kiss did the both of you breathed again, panting heavily like a pair of dogs. Underneath the pale light, you could see his swollen lips glisten and parted while he took in a series of quick and sharp breaths.

“You make me feel things… I never thought possible.” Viktor muttered, his hands still cupping your face. His thumb was brushing your cheekbone, his touch light and tender.

There were no words to describe the feelings you had for him. It was profound, with no words or adjectives to do it justice.

“Viktor…” You whispered his name like it was a prayer, so soft yet reverent. Your voice was shaking, still trying to recover from the last kiss.

Without sparing another moment, his lips crashed into yours. He pulled you even closer, desperate to feel your body pressed against his while he poured his everything into one earth-shattering kiss.

In that moment, nothing else mattered—only you.

His blood was running hot with excitement, his heart blaring in his ears. Viktor felt like he was going insane. All the yearning, all the wanting, has now culminated into one fervent kiss—it was chaotic, overwhelming, like a maelstrom of emotions.

You were sinking into his kiss, completely and utterly ruined from the unrestrained passion he unleashed. You never expected to feel something so fierce from a man like Viktor. He was always controlled and immune to his impulses. Yet, when it came to you, he felt like a crazed man without reservations.

“Miláčku…” He muttered into the kiss, his voice strained and breathless.

You could hear something whistling, something sharp piercing into the quiet night. It took you longer than a minute to realize what it was, not exactly caring for whatever else was happening in the moment—except for Viktor.

Unlike you, the man heard nothing. His frantic movements remained that, fervent in his desire and consumed in the kiss. You muttered something incoherent, trying to catch his attention,

“Viktor… the kettle.”

He only hummed in response, not even stopping to hear you better,

“Viktor… kettle.” You mumbled again, a little louder this time.

His movements stuttered, as if he was beginning to realize that the kettle was indeed piping in the kitchen.

“Let it be.” He replied, his voice scratching deep in his throat. Before he could resume the kiss, you interjected with a more scolding tone,

“Viktor… we have neighbors…”

With a loud and reluctant sigh, Viktor conceded. He pulled away and gathered himself to stand.

“Fine.”

———

[sugurus-thoughts]

03. sata doesn't know you like I do

❆pairing — saturo gojo x virgin! reader!

❆summary —santa, doesn't know you like I do i know all of your favorite songs pick up each time you call so why can't I be the one to give you everything you want?

❆ w/c — 15,1k

warnings —nsfw, established relationship, angst, fluff, suggestive, making out, smut, pure love, mentions virginity, first time, touching, MDNI.

a/n — Istarted a series based on, Sabrina Carpenter's ep called Fruitcake. Since Christmas is drawing near I'll base every character on a song title. This series will also continue if it does well also keep note this is my first time writing smut I hope it fit your liking. I hope you all like it!!! ❤️

ps: I didn't proof read this I was so tired but hopefully you enjoy it!!

"Does it hurt, my love?" he whispered, his voice a low, husky caress that sent shivers down your spine. The struggle to contain his pleasure was evident in every ragged breath, yet he maintained a fragile thread of control, solely for your comfort. His eyes, dark pools of desire, delved deep into yours, searching for the slightest whisper of discomfort. But you merely shook your head, a silent assurance that your pleasure exceeded any hint of pain.

"I need words, my love," he implored, his soft, gentle voice a stark contrast to the primal passion that threatened to consume him. His smile, a tender, loving gesture, was solely for you, and you alone. Your response, a broken, trembling whisper, betrayed the emotions that swirled within you.

Satoru was a man of boundless patience, especially when it came to you. A man of honor and quiet dignity, he carried your heart above his own, always putting you first. From the moment you met at a small, unassuming gathering introduced by your ever-thoughtful friend Shoko Ieiri—there was an undeniable spark. Shoko had always believed in love for you, convinced that someone like you, so strong yet so deserving of tenderness, was meant to find it. She saw the beauty in your independence, the strength in your solitude, but also the quiet ache you tried so hard to conceal.

As a lawyer and a fiercely self-reliant woman, you had built a life where love seemed unnecessary, even impractical. You had spent years alone, finding purpose in your work, strength in yourself, and telling yourself that this was enough. You didn’t think love had a place in your world, let alone a man like him. But then came Satoru— persistent, with his piercing blue eyes, his pale skin, and hair like freshly fallen snow, so unapologetically himself. He didn’t just want to know you; he was determined to understand you, to peel back the layers you’d so carefully constructed.

You never thought you’d meet someone like him in your late twenties, when you’d long given up on the idea of love being something for you. Yet here he was, his presence softening the edges of a heart you thought had grown too calloused. He saw you—not the lawyer, not the independent woman who needed no one—but you. The woman who had quietly resigned herself to a life alone, who thought she didn’t want children, who believed her purpose was in helping others, not in being loved herself.

And somehow, against all odds, the gods smiled upon you and sent him your way—a man so steady, so persistent, so utterly devoted to unraveling your barriers. With Satoru, you felt a vulnerability you had spent years avoiding, but also a kind of safety you never knew you craved. It was as if the universe decided you’d spent long enough braving the world alone, and it placed this beautiful, unrelenting force of love in your path to remind you that even the strongest among us are allowed to lean on someone.

As the months passed and Christmas finally arrived, the gift you had been saving for him on this sacred day was nothing short of perfect. Dressed in delicate white lace that caressed every curve of your figure, you moved toward him with a slow, deliberate grace. His world seemed to halt time, space, and eternity all froze in awe of your presence. Breathless and spellbound, he dared not speak, his every thought consumed by the vision of you drawing nearer, a promise of passion in your every step.

Now as you lay beneath him, with his slender fingers inside you, lace has not yet been removed. His eyes boring into your Y/E/C ones, only to find a single tear seep from yours. He was quick to remove his hand but you stopped him so quickly, only for him to cry out his name. Surely it only awakened him fully, not by want or by hast but for your own pleasure.

“Saturo… please just move”, with a bit of hesitation but selfish desire he could not resist her at all,for she was his everything after all. And before he could even think further… you kissed him. Kissed him so profoundly, so delicately almost as if snow would melt away any second now.

And with that,

For the first time his fingers moved and a low moan could be heard from you as he pushed into you slightly. The wet sounds could be heard from your core, minutes before this moment as he laid before your womanhood delicately preparing you for the pain you might yield before you.

“Saturo” a beautiful moan was heard from your lips as he kept residing within, his lust was growing by the minute, only to make you fully his and only his alone.

“Fuck… your so wet my love” he murmured lowly only to kiss your neck, to distract you from the pain. He knew how much it hurt but he knew the pleasure would soon come after. Your moan was getting extremely out of control, and he knew something was coming slowly but surely. The way you tighten around his two fingers was clear you were close to your breaking point.

“You like that?” he asked softly with a smirk.

His ego was getting the best out of him,for him to know that he is your first,made him feel like you belong to him and now man will ever touch you the way he is touching you.

“Saturo please…. there's something.. please” she gripped his arm, only to close her eyes but knowing Saturo he fully didn't like that.

“Open your eyes sweetheart, you're close.. you feel that?” He couldn't help but see the way your breasts were bouncing slightly only for him to start kissing your neck and reach them for them softly. Without removing the lace that hugged your figure so perfectly he kissed your aroused nipples and slightly sucked onto the thin layer of wet patch. The sounds you'd made were wonderful, his name was rolling off your lips and the man he is took pride in this.

“Saturo…. please-pl-please something is happ-” before you could finish he kissed you and the position you were in has slightly changed to an open-legged spoon position,finally just like that he could feel you were close, and he only let you continue to spread his name fully.

“Saturo”a final whisper came from you as Saturo devoured your neck, and slightly pinched your nipples.

“Let go… my love “ and with one final say you came undone and he continued to ride through your climax in your shaking state.

The snow fell relentlessly outside, blanketing the world in quiet serenity, as your own body surrendered to the storm within—a heavenly tempest stirred by nothing more than the way Satoru's striking azure eyes held you captive.

“Are you alright, my love?” he asked, his voice a tender melody that wrapped around your heart. His lips curved into a soft, reassuring smile that made the chaos within you settle for just a moment.

You exhaled shakily, every word feeling like a confession he had been yearning to hear. “I’m okay, Satoru,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper, yet heavy with unspoken affection. His gaze deepened, as if your very breath was the only thing he needed to feel complete.

His slender fingers traced your red swollen lips as he slightly opened your mouth to taste yourself. You moaned at his unpleasant actions,only to find yourself empty without his fingers inside you,as much as it hurt the pleasure itself took over only making you crave more and more of him.

Saturo could only smile at your response, as you licked his finger cleanly.

At this cold hour he can only get up to remove the unyielding lace that has been covering your beautiful body slightly. He could only feel the soft flesh of your breasts as he removed the lace inch by inch. The way your body shook at the slightest touches he gave you was a sign that only he was meant to fill up that empty space within you.

As you lie before him, bare and vulnerable like a lamb surrendered to the hands of fate, he sees not just your form but the depth of your soul. Stripped of pretense, you are as pure as moonlight on still waters, and he can only dream of the mysteries that lie beneath the surface, waiting to embrace him in their quiet, untamed beauty.

“Saturo,... it's not polite to stare” your reactions were adorable in this present moment only to make him question how the gods above have blessed him with someone so pure and utterly beautiful.

“Am I not allowed to stare at what's mine now?” he teasted coming closer and closer as he took off his clothes. He could see you blush as you kept glancing in his direction.

And finally as he stripped out of his last, clothing she could see what was waiting for her. His member slipped out perfectly only for you to witness how red the tip was, how it clearly looked like it was in pain. Your eyes grew wide at the thought of what might happen next,

“Now it's not polite to stare, is it love?”He mimicked your words softly which only caused your face to turned a slight crimson. He chuckled softly at your actions.

“It’s okay, baby, come here.” His voice was a low murmur, smooth and commanding. You couldn’t help but marvel at how effortlessly he could shift between personas. One moment, he was wild and unrestrained, laughter spilling from his lips like he didn’t have a care in the world. The next, his eyes darkened, a dangerous edge creeping into his tone like a predator closing in on his prey. And right now, with that teasing smirk and the way his gaze raked over you, you couldn’t decide if you wanted to run... or let him catch you.

“Saturo,.... is there something I need to do?”your angelic voice broke him out of his trace as he pulled you against the edge of the bed only to lean over your naked figure. Before he could respond, you whispered softly into his ear, “Can I put it in my mouth?” with a smirk he softly traced your soft features.

“You sure you can handle it my love…” he loved teasing you like this, but he also wanted to make sure your first time was a beautiful yet memorable experience for the both of you. As a man he didn't want to cross the line but yet you wanted it right?

Without hesitation he kissed your lips, only to guide one of your hands along his hard member. He moaned slightly as your small hands came in contact with him,you gasped at his robbing hard member,and this only made him smirk.

Saturo was acutely aware of his limits, yet in this moment, everything centered around you and your radiant essence. The only thing he yearned for was to envelop you in sheer happiness, to make this snowy night a canvas for your dreams and desires. As the world outside transformed into a winter wonderland, he felt an irresistible urge to explore the very depths of your soul, to discover the tender secrets that lay within you.

Each touch would be a gentle brushstroke, a sweet tribute to the love he held for you—a heartfelt expression of gratitude for your mere existence. He wanted to fulfill your every need, to whisper sweet promises against your skin and illuminate the corners of your heart. This evening was not just a moment in time but a sacred offering, where every caress would speak of devotion, and every lingering gaze would convey an unspoken understanding.

He knew you deserve every ounce of affection he could offer, and as the snowflakes danced in the air, he vowed to make you feel cherished, desired, and utterly intoxicatingly alive. Under the soft glow of the moonlight, he longed to weave a tapestry of intimacy between you, where passion and tenderness intertwined, creating an unforgettable symphony of two souls becoming one.

Before you could even continue your ministrations, he was on his knees in front of your sex,and just like that his tongue came into contact with your most precious parts.

“Saturo…. oh oh my gosh” his name dragged along with your hands in his hair as he pulled you closer to stop moving,trapping you with his most dangerous part: that tongue.

Without warning he slightly pushed his finger within you which only led you to jerk away but his skilled arm has you stepped beneath him like a hungry man devouring his prey.

“Fuck, your still so tight and warm my love,can you hear that?” he was mumbling within you and it only made you want to escape his hungry mouth more. You could hear the sounds your wet sex made as he continued his ministrations.

Your moans continued to break loose in this cold night but in the room the only thing that kept you warm was this man before you ate you out like he was hungry for me. You could feel yourself building up, that familiar feeling was drawing near it was so close, you could see the stars but before you could even grasp the feeling Saturo left you there like an open wound.

Before you could even utter a word, his lips captured yours, an electrifying jolt racing through your body as you tasted the sweetness of the moment. His tongue brushed against yours, sending ripples of sensation cascading through your core. As his hands interlaced with yours, he gently guided them above your head, a subtle but powerful gesture that made you feel both vulnerable and cherished.The kiss deepened, slowing into a languid exploration, each movement deliberate and intoxicating. He paused, his gaze locking onto yours, those deep eyes searching for something, perhaps reassurance. The softest kiss followed, a whisper of lips that lingered like a promise, a quiet apology for the overwhelming feelings building between you, as if he knew the leap you were both about to take.

Your breath hitched as you felt him carefully guided your thighs apart, you felt a rush of anticipation mixed with desire. He leaned in, lips brushing lightly against yours again, as if savoring the taste of you, while his body pressed closer, heat radiating between you. The intimacy of the moment wrapped around you like a warm embrace, each brush of his skin against yours setting every nerve ending ablaze. His hand slid down your arm, relishing in the softness of your skin, before resting at your waist, firm yet gentle.

The question you have been waiting for, like a deer caught in red lights, you couldn't help but shed tears at this very moment. The bliss of innocence that surrounded the both of you like pure love itself couldn't bestow this upon you.

“Are you ready my love?” he whispered the question heavy with promise.

And in that moment , you knew you were ready. You were ready to give yourself fully to this embrace, to explore the depths of intimacy together, to lose yourself in each other’s rhythm—a journey that was just beginning. In that sacred space, everything felt perfect, as if the universe had conspired to bring you both here, to this intoxicating moment where love and desire entwined, igniting a passion that would forever change you.

Nothing compared to this blissful moment, and that's when you felt it.

His member stretched you out so rapidly you couldn't feel the pain, he let out the slightest groan as his face came into contact with your neck only to be filled by your warmth on this very sacred day, it was a gift beyond. As his body lay on top of you, you could tell he was struggling, by just staying still in this moment waiting for you to give him permission. He lifted his head slightly, with sleepy eyes and smiled at you, only to ask in his purest form or words “Are you okay my love?” with tears slightly covering your beautiful face his fingers brushes away, each ripple.

“You can move, it's okay” a small teary smile, on your lips. Your lips lashed onto his before he could even protest.

Saturo could only feel his whole world crash before him as he slipped out of you only to be filled with your warmth again. He could hear the sounds of pain and pleasure escaping your lips. Could you be more of a goddess than you are now,the way your tits are bouncing up and down as he keeps pushing into you.

As minutes passed you could feel that the pain you felt earlier was beginning to pass slowly.

“Fuck, you feel so good my love, so tight so warm ” he moaned in you ear.

“F-F-faster Toru”, as you gripped his shoulders, for dear life. You could feel the pain slightly slither away as he kept going at a slow pace which only made you want him more.

“You like that, huh baby?” he smirked against your now heated skin and he moved slightly faster. You could feel that familiar sensation build up within you, as Saturo kept lacing into your womanhood.

Saturo kept praising you, as he continued his lustful acts, until you felt him slightly, kiss you neck only to latch his lips onto your right breast, the other hand was now playing with the left.

You arch your back slightly from the overwhelming pleasure. Never have you felt such pleasure from a man, the warmness of his tongue, the movement of his hips was enough to drive you to ecstasy.

“Saturo-.... baby… I'm” he let go of you only to go a bit faster you could tell he was close as well,by the way he was moaning and twitching inside your core.

“Fuck I'm just as close, I'm gonna make you all mine” he whispered softly as he gripped the headboard, looking into you eyes.

His finger reached your mouth only to stimulate the sensation more.

“I'm close fuck, just like that baby keep still!”

“Saturo!” you exhaled loudly.

With one strike the both of you reached your climax only to have him fill you up. Just like that he collapsed on top of you, pulverised from exhaustion.

For a moment, there was nothing but silence. The room felt alive with the warmth of what had just passed between you, the air heavy with a kind of intimacy that words couldn’t touch. His fingers brushed over your shoulder, then trailed softly down your arm, as if grounding himself in the reality of you beside him.

"Are you okay?" His voice was low, barely above a whisper, yet it carried a tenderness that melted through you.

You turned to face him, your eyes meeting him in the dim light. “I am,” you replied softly, a small smile tugging at your lips. “Are you?”

He chuckled, the sound deep and warm. “Better than I’ve ever been,” he admitted, his hand finding yours and intertwining your fingers. “I just… I needed to be sure. I don’t ever want to do anything that doesn’t feel right for you.”

Your heart swelled at his words, at the sincerity in his gaze. “It felt perfect,” you assured him. “Because it was with you.”

He exhaled, as if releasing some invisible weight. “You don’t know how much that means to me,” he said, his thumb gently stroking the back of your hand. “I’ve loved you for so long. I didn’t even think it was possible to feel closer to you than I already did. But now…”

“Now?” you prompted, your voice light and teasing as you watched his expression soften further.

“Now I feel like my heart doesn’t belong to me anymore,” he said, his tone serious yet filled with a quiet awe. “It’s yours. All of it.”

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, but they were happy ones. You leaned closer, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “It’s safe with me,” you whispered to him. “Because my heart has been yours for a long time, too.”

In the quiet that followed, the two of you stayed entwined, speaking in murmurs about your love, your dreams, and the endless possibilities of a future spent together. And as you drifted into the gentle embrace of sleep, his arms still around you, you felt as though you had finally found your home, in him.

©suguru's-thoughts 2024. do not copy or translate my work.

artwork does not belong to me. All credits to the owner.

banners are from the lovely @adornedwithlight !

a/n: I won't lie , I don't know if this will be good I felt a bit uncomfortable writing smut but I assume it was my first time . I honestly am slightly feeling a bit, out of place on tumblr and I know its only been a few days hopefully my writing does get better and I will grow an audience some day but please do give your opinions and feedback, it will really be thoughtful, thank you :') 🤍

[muntitled]

CATCH | L. JENO

Lycan!Jeno x afab!reader

➛ Summary: Perhaps making your uncontrollable boyfriend chase you was a bad idea after all

➛ Warnings: Language, Paranormal!au, Fluff, Established Relationship, Possessiveness, Doggy Traits, Ownership Kink (he owns you in his mind) Lycan!Jeno, Cat and Mouse game, Smut +18 (mdni), Mating Press, Rutting, Primal Kink, Praise Kink, Dry Humping, Neediness, Scent Kink, Dom!Jeno, Sub!Reader, Whimpering, Breeding Kink, PIV

<3 happy spooky season

"I mean…" There's a quiet, stunned sound that leaves his lips as Jeno forces both his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. He gazes at you through his hooded eyelids. "Are you sure?" You weren't sure of anything, to be completely honest and neither was he. You explain this to him with a quirk of your lips as your fingers weaved through your laces, knotting them with a quickness before your game commenced...

"It's just," he releases more distraught, more nervous habits unconsciously overcoming his body in irregular and jarring spurts. You gazed up at him from bended knee, now preoccupied by tying Jeno's laces too, and you chuckled. "It's just what, Big Boy?"

There was a chuckle that broke across the once painfully serious cracks of his visage, his smile even brighter with the elation across his face. "You know it is... probably not smart to do this. You know I'm not going to be able to-” his ears perk up. “Tighter," he asks distractedly, "-could you tie the left one just a little tighter," Jeno stomped his left foot in indication, the shriveled leaves crunching ever so slightly under the leather soles of his sneakers.

You had never quite believed in the societal construct of a soulmate until you had met Jeno. Upon your union, it all seemed to fall so surreptitiously into place that a life before him had seemed utterly bland, and so completely... boring. There was warmth that seized the man's entire countenance and you put it all to very good use. Not a single tear was shed without Jeno curling into you, quite forcefully stuffing his large, masculine frame under your armpit under a very, very strict comfort policy.

And that was before you found out about his little… biological quirk.

He didn't really know where it came from, thethats that lived inside him. It had just always been there. Jeno kept the beast restrained on most occasions but that came with some dire repercussions: finding some bits of your furniture chewed up. Jeno promising to replace. His overt and unflinching loyalty was another facet of his quirk.

You could not show if anyone at work bothered you without Jeno tapping his foot anxiously against the floorboards of your shared apartment, chewing on the ends of his nails while the rest of him was seized in restlessness. "I'm not going to leave until you tell me," He would say, pushing the door of your bedroom open every time it threatened to close shut.

"Boundaries," You would yell, "Boundaries, Jeno! You don't have to know about every detail of my life!"

"I am respecting your Boundaries," he would say, sneering his nose up at that crude dirty word.

The word that wanted you to be away from him. The word that saw you two occasionally (frustratingly) separated.

Boundaries.

"I am respecting your boundaries," he would say from the doorways. "I haven't even set foot over the line once, even though you are very clearly upset." His sweet, slightly feral obliviousness would usually aid in washing away water grievances you had acquired from your work life or outside friendships, your life untouched by Jeno. Even his flaws held a nauseating dose of happiness. His forgetfulness, his altruism, his overthinking, his restlessness. There was not a single part of your Jeno that you did not drink up in admiration. You were lucky to have him.

"I don't really see what the problem is, Jeno." You continue, "It's not like- still, Jeno, could you keep your leg still? That's why I can't tie the knot too well," You pat down his jittery leg in what you hope acts as a sedative for his nerves. It works momentarily, truthfully he just loves having your natural body heat in such close range with his. He could feel it all radiating off your palm, through his slacks no problem. He zeroed in on that particular activity far too much and it illicited a wayward shiver that wracked through his body. "It's not like you're going to hurt me," You say, tugging on the bows you had fashioned out of his laces one final time before rising from the forest floor. You dust a layer of sticks and dead leaves from your exposed knee while Jeno continues his nervous tirade. "You dont know-"

"I do know. I know that you're capable of controlling yourself, Jeno. I know that you're in love with me. I know that you'd never, ever do anything to hurt me." Eye contact. If there was a single force in the entire known (and unknown), the whole goddamn multiverse included, that could rile Jeno up with the amount of pressure stored in an atomic bomb, it was the eye contact. You gaze up at him with nothing but trust blazing in your eyes as you sunk your grip into his hoodie. A hoodie he was particularly fond of, even hesitant to part with even though he knew it was a full moon.

"I don't like losing," He admits gravely as he lifts the hoodie over his shoulders, discarding it on the forest floor. You watch with slight excitement as your boyfriend's bare skin is illuminated by the moonlight. Leaving him in nothing but his grey basketball shorts and his sneakers

"It's too close to a full moon," His lips are but a mere inch away from you. You can hear his ragged breath. It's a sound that flows in sync with the natural cacophony of the woods, the hum of the fireflies and drum of the crickets, all hidden away, singing for the couple, perched under the waning moon.

"That's part of the fun though, isn't it?" You finally break eye contact but your periphery reveals a keen-eared, frozen-solid Jeno, still watching you with the transfixed gaze of a hawk. He's starkly aware of every single thing around you, his senses being at their most potent especially when he found himself in his natural habitat.

"You're not going to run away?" You nearly chuckle at that but you hold it in, quite enjoying the charged air that is buzzing between the two of you.

"Running away's the entire point, Baby," there is a richness in your vibrato that completely does him in. A sharp, distressing growl reverberates from his chest. It bleeds into a squeaky whine when you bury your fingers into his overgrown and rugged head of hair.

"Running from me. I mean, you're not gonna end up... running away from me... forever..." he all but slurs, eyes fluttering shut as you scratch the side of his head in a way that elicited a warmth in his very bones, the need to soothe that delicious itch in his very being was unparalleled. He craved more of your touch, he craved more of you-

"You get the rest when you get me." You state firmly, much to Jeno's dismay who releases another growl, much to the shame of his almost-human- non-human self.

"It'll be fun." You reassure the man as you begin to bounce lightly on the balls of your feet. You fill your lungs with the fresh and dewey air of the woodland fencing the both of you and you ready your limbs. Jeno begins to shake his head slowly, then much more furiously as he sees you beginning to break away.

"N-No, don't-" He clamps a large hand over his mouth but the growl is heard all the same. It has your eyes wideneing in glee as you move even farther away, breaking into a slight jump before speeding off into the thickness of the wood. A wave of nausea paired with excitement zings through his entire body at the sight of your whizzing frame and his legs move on their own accord.

You're fighting to dodge brambles and branches of every kind. Trees and their obnoxious arms crisscrossing overriding one another, causing you to bend at odd and athletic angles as you sprinted through the night-veiled wood. There was an eerieness to the open space, the vastness of it, yet the density that was bestowed by the clumping, plentiful trees. You knew, had you been caught under any orher circumstances, you might have been seized bu fear. Fear was so common to you, it might as well have lived in your bloodstream. It marred itself across tue scenes of your childhood, manifesting in odd, grim drawings, the inability to sleep in the dark and a bed-wetting era you had grown out of at an embarrassingly late edge. Fear was your companion and it might have destroyed you in this very moment, when you were dodging passed tall, crooked silhouettes of pine trees... were it not for the entity- no, man- that is sending loud enough growls for you to hear on your aggressive getaway.

Butterflies soar in your stomach as your feet beat down on the uneven forest floor. You fight to keep your gaze locked on the nature-crafted obstacle coarse ahead of you, choosing to ignore the hurried lunges sounding behind you. Squirrels scatter in your wake and the owls hoot from their post. The animals watch in anticipation as your energy depletes and your breathing becomes far more ragged and spent.

An unforeseeable ache blossoms in your upper arms first as the butterflies in your bleeds into a sharp, afflicting stitch that has you veering off course. Your thighs lunge the rest of yoir heavy body forward with vigor and determination, using up all the energy you have stored inside. Soon, the world begins to tilt and you're met with the sharp end of a branch that had gone undetected by you. A small scrape slashes across your arm and yet you still keep running.

Another, final growl is sent into the air and for a brief, quiet moment you find yourself gazing up at the waning moon. This was the final evening you got to spend with your lover before the full moon took him away from you, wanting him all to herself like a selfish, immortal bitch.

It is then when you find yourself slowing down. A fire is raging in your esophagus and just as your lungs begin their reduced intake of fresh air, youre yelping as yoire being tackled to the ground with a force that knocks your air out.

"FUCK-" You curse as he rolls the both of you onto the mossy, forest floor. Somehow, he made provisions for you, making sure to lock his arm around your head as the two of you tumbled to the ground in a messy heap. The sound of rapid panting right in your ear.

When you open your arms, you are claimed underneath him. His hands resting against the sides of your head, caging you in with the promise of never letting you go again. His tongue lolled out of his mouth. As if you were a restless baby bird that he might lose again. He gazes down at you with wild eyes brimming with intensity and satisfaction from the chase you had given to him. Both of your uneven ragged breathing fill the space between you until-

"I've... I've got a cut," You whisper in between your loud breathing, "You wouldn't have caught me so soon if I hadn't-"

"Please, just shut up," He murmurs robotically before colliding his lips with yours in a furious and fiery kiss that seems to last for ages. His hands find their way at your sides, sinking his fingers into the soft skin that would otherwise be painful, but what is incredibly erotic.

You try to break away, to try and breathe but he only forces his kiss even deeper. Jeno is unsure if it's a distraught moan or a cry that bubbles up from your chest and it's the not knowing, the possibility of it being both, that has Jeno's cock aching against his pants. He experimentally ruts into your leg once and it's enough to break the kiss and have him groaning into the forest air. "Oh God," he moans in utter delight, and you watch him rut helplessly against your leg while firmly encircling a large hand around your throat. Jeno does not anticipate the strength in his grip, but he is too far gone, completely locked away in a world of pleasure as he murmurs with his hooded eyes: "Never. You never, never, never leave me like that again-"

You motion as if to respond but it's completely drowned out when he pulls down your shorts in quick, delirious movements. You steeple your legs and watch on perched elbows as Jeno kneels before you, head twitching in anticipation of your exposed heat. He can smell how excited you are, how completely helpless that one small exercise had made you for him and it drives him into an early.

You watch with intent as Jeno pulls your panties down- he nearly rips it in half, the need to mount you and spill his seed inside you was just far too great. But, Jeno remembers how badly you scolded him the last time he tore off your clothes. This time he was careful.

"Fuck, you’re gonna have my pups," He admits as he stares down at your naked body. You are bathed in moonlight, and your arousal shone prettily against your inner thighs. The string of beads around your waist shine prettily in the moonlight.

"Youre gonna to need you fuck me then, Jeno.” That tone, that goddamn tone has his eyes latching onto yours in a fraction of a second, his head nodding furiously as your words of affirmation filled him with so much zeal it felt as if he might die.

"I can do that," he says, lining his cock up with your glistening entrance, "I can be good for you. I can do that."

The confidence that had once consumed you, completely washes away as Jeno rams his length into you. By the very first thrust, he's latching onto the ends of unbuttoned shirt with one hand, while he melt to the forest floor, supported by the other.

"No, no, no, look at me, please," His command has your cunt clenching around him, illiciting a deep and painful growl from within him. Jeno's face is mere inches away from yours, as his charged and incessant 'hah, hah, hah's spill out of him with every deliciously thrust. He watches you writer underneath him. Pride and attraction dances a great dance in the confines of his heart as you lift your shaky hands to glide over his exposed chest. He was quite literally fucking you into the ground, it was unlike anything any man had ever administered. Your head moved above you with the force of his thrusts and your voice was clogged with the pressure of your oncoming orgasm.

Jeno was so thoroughly focused on cumming inside you that it overtook his entire brain. He gazed down at you with the satisfaction of claiming you, that you were his and nothing else. His scent was going to be mixed with yours and that's all that matters.

"I'm going to cum inside you," he says, rutting into you at an even wilder pace, “Gonna g-give you my seed, pretty girl- Fuck-”

You mindlessly nod as you feel your cunt begin to tighten around his cock once more. He's so deep and so quick, it's a struggle to concentrate on speaking at all.

"Tell me, please! I need you to tell me. Tell I'm a good boy for you! Tell me I can spill my seed inside you, baby please-"

Behind his huffing and fervent frame, the sky is speckled with gorgeous stars. There are stars in his hooded, pleading words and stars in his voice. He's so close to ecstasy and he needs you to reassure him. "Cum for me, baby," You bring a hand to the side of his face, causing him to lean into it with closed eyes. "You're such a good boy, Jeno. Please, cum for me." Your pussy tightening around him a singke time as him cumming on the spot. His cum, hot and heady floods your insides. It's so much. You're being so completely filled. Your hand twitches om his cheek and your back arches as your own oegasm washes over you. A glorious, heavenly ecstasy overtakes your entire being and Jeno buries his head in the crook of your neck. His cock still thrusts into you as you ride the high, your mouth open in a silent cry as your arms lock around his head.

"My beautiful girl," He mutters as you float back down to earth, "My gorgeous, beautiful girl." The kisses you're met with is endless as your shoulder slump and you're transported, once again, to the real world.

The biggest smile you have ever had the pleasure of witnessing is stitched onto his face as Jeno peers up at you from laying his head on your chest. "Again," he says, causing you to laugh in completely disbelief. "We go again. This time I'll give you a head start-"

"Down boy," you say, keeping your head wrapped around his head, "Let me catch my breath first."

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Primal (Part 1)

Summary: The reader is out for a simple run in the streets of Helena, Montana when she's attacked. After making her escape, she runs into Sheriff Beau Arlen who knows she's his first lead on catching a killer. But there's something more to her than meets the eye...

Primal Masterlist

Pairing: Alpha!Beau Arlen x Omega!reader

Word Count: 5,600ish

Warnings: language, angst, violence, drugging, serial killers, death, kidnapping, mention of human trafficking

A/N: Here we go! I'm so excited to finally be sharing this one with you guys! It's got action, drama, romance, familial relationships all tucked under the pretty bow of ABO! This series follows the events of Big Sky season 3. This series is told in split POV between multiple characters.

Reader POV

Run. Keep running. You breathed hard as you sprinted through the park gates and down the sidewalk. You wanted to desperately look back but you weren’t about to be that idiot that tripped and fell that you’d make fun of during a horror movie.

Oh god, the sympathy you now had for those poor people. Running away from a psychopath was harder than it looked. Clichés were clichés for a reason, right? 

The air in your lungs burned as you kept running, searching for anyone that could help. But of fucking course the construction on Main meant a detour that had made the far side of town far, far quieter than it should have been. Footsteps still pounded pavement behind you. Loud. Threatening.

A predator hunting it’s prey knowing it was now or never.

Summoning the last bit of adrenaline in your wrecked body, you ran full speed where a ditch lay in the dug up road, a wide one exposing sewage lines and bundles of cables all underneath the thick asphalt above. 

You kicked off with one foot in the air, pushing yourself off the edge and propelling yourself forward to the other side. Hot pain hit your shin as it scraped broken road but you rolled away to solid ground, staring back at your pursuer as they came to a skidded halt on the other side of the ditch.

Part of you wanted to gloat that you’d made the jump and he was too chicken shit to even try. But another part very quickly understood why he’d hesitated, why he was turning tail and running back towards the park.

You’d jumped right in front of the infamous faded green building with a piss yellow name stamped over the doorway. Stormy’s Bar. 

You hadn’t been in town long but you knew this was not good. Very, very not good. Quickly, there were about six different Alpha’s coming outside, their noses twitching as they caught your scent.

You scrambled to your feet, body fiercely cold and drenched in sweat all at once. Maybe it was from the pain, the fear, whatever drug that fucker in the park had stabbed in your neck. Your stomach cramped and you winced at the flush wave of warmth that rippled. Fuck, your heat was three months early on top of it? This was not an adrenaline rush. Something was severely wrong.

Standing there for a beat you caught your breath as the cramp passed, skin prickling as the group of Alpha’s approached like you might run off if they startled you. Shit, shit, shit.

“Smells ripe,” mumbled one, your eyes drifting to his neck and spotting a tattoo that made you physically recoil. Omega Tamer. More like gang member that was less than ten seconds away from taking what he wanted.

First some crazy man grabs you and stabs you with a syringe, than you run into a gang known for trafficking omegas? Whoever said running was good for your health was so full of shit.

You didn’t wait around for them to make a move and ran down the street, jumping over a temporary construction barricade and another, leaving them behind. You could hear them follow but it went quiet when you finally saw foot traffic appear on the sidewalk again. The Alpha’s scent dissipated as you got further away and you fought off another wave of intense heat in your core. All you could focus on was some guy fifty feet ahead carrying a pizza walking over to a red truck.

His head whipped in your direction before you could even reach him, a cramp hitting you, sending you to the ground. A door opened nearby, someone stepping out from a bar. By the scent it was another Alpha. Great. A strange Alpha. Just what you needed mid-heat laying on the sidewalk.

“I need an ambulance at 947 Main Street. Female omega going into some kind of exacerbated heat. Looks to have other injuries,” said a strong voice, a handsome face and green eyes to match appearing above you. Your body tensed when you smelled him. All Alpha, so fucking delicious but so…White hot pain exploded behind your eyes as his scent consumed you, the man cursing into a cellphone. “Yes, that’s her screaming. It’s the heat. What could…”

Two fingers grazed over your bonding gland, the man looking at you with serious eyes as you gripped his wrist.

“Send me every available officer we have now. Hunter is in the area. North end of Main. I repeat, Hunter is in the area.” He grabbed your cheeks, getting right in your face, watching you choke on air you couldn’t get in your lungs. “I will be right back, sweetie. I’m not leaving you, understand? I need to get something to help.”

Your body shuddered when he left, the sky above you turning dusky, the faintest of pinks swirling in the deep blue sky. God, was this how you were going to die? Body on fire as you watched a brilliant sunset high above? Suddenly, his face was there again, a scared smile on his face, his scent triggering your heat further but tethering you back to earth for a split second.

“Be brave for me because this is going to hurt like hell.” You nodded once before a syringe hit your bonding gland for the second time tonight, his thumb pressed down on the plunger.

He was right. For a blistering a moment, all you knew was burning. Burning in your veins, fire in your guts, acid in your bones.

It grew and grew as the strange man wrapped his arms around you, letting you squeeze his body in a death grip. “Shh, breathe. Try to breathe through it for me. That’s it. Just breathe. I got you.”

In a blink, the fire consumed you and everything went cold.

Beau’s POV

“Good girl,” I murmured when she finally went lax in my arms, her broken body so hot to the touch. I gently rested her on the cooling sidewalk, grateful any warmth from the sun was long gone. I heard two different sets of sirens in the distance as the man from the entrance to the bar along with a few others gathered around. I snapped my fingers at a tall, if somewhat skinny, young Alpha that looked barely old enough to drink. “You. Go in the bar and ask if there’s a doctor. Now.”

The kid took off, the small crowd growing larger, a distinct correlation being made with the omegas and Alphas over twenty five versus the young bucks. 

“Any Alpha that’s been through rut before, get your ass back in that bar. Omegas, I highly suggest you go home.”

“What bout the rest of us?” asked a guy that smelled like Beta as I removed my jacket and tucked it under the head of the out cold omega on the ground.

“Damn, she’s in heat,” said a younger Alpha, his scent shifting so swiftly a group of omegas all went wide eyed. He took an instinctive step forward before one of the Beta’s grabbed his arm.

“Betas, you get the pups the fuck out of here before they all go into their first rut and escort the omegas to their vehicles. Now everybody clear out.” I knew my scent was wildly dangerous, a dark edge in my voice that had them all compiling, even to the Alphas that had decades on me.

“Jesus fuck,” said Jenny, pushing her way past the departing crowd, putting her arm over her nose. She stared at me and then the omega on the ground. “Arlen. Get away from her.”

I glared back, showing my teeth to her displeasure. “I’m fine, Hoyt.”

“I can smell her heat from three blocks away. You’re going to go into rut-”

“Hoyt! If I was going to go into rut, I would have done it when she smelled…” I trailed off, putting my hand to the flush omega’s forehead. “Her scent was worse before. I gave her a shot of Blaze.”

“Good thing for her you have a teenage omega.” Yeah, and thank God I’d picked up her prescription before grabbing pizza or this poor omega would be a dead woman walking. Jenny looked around before crouching near the woman’s head, putting her hand to the back of her cheek. I turned her neck gently, showing the red splotchy mark on the omegas neck.

We shared a look, Jenny’s gaze suddenly darting all around the street. I stared down at the omega breathing rapidly, eyes moving behind closed lids. 

“Stay with her. Where she goes, you go. I’m going after Hunter,” I said.

“Wait for backup,” she said as I stood, already turning towards the direction she ran from. I pointed at a patrol car that pulled up, jogging over to it. “Beau! Wait-”

“You watch her, I’ll…” My vision swam as I stared at my palm that was turning red. I tried to shake it away, blame it on being so close to an incredibly in heat omega. But I’d been around plenty of omegas before and never felt my body get hot like this, like…

“Beau!” Jenny rushed over when I lost my balance and fell down onto my side on the sidewalk. I watched two officers rush over to the omega, Jenny whipping her head around. “Do not touch her neck without gloves! She’s got heat inducer on her skin.”

“Jenny,” I said, tugging at my buttoned shirt, ripping it open, desperate to get to some cool air. “Fuck, I’m boiling. Jesus fuck. It’s so hot.”

“Sorry boss.” I barely flicked my eyes upwards in time to see an EMT standing over me with a syringe filled with blue liquid. 

“No, no I don’t need…” I couldn’t fight the wave of sedation that overwhelmed me, eyes fluttering closed before I could get out another word.

“Hey big guy.” I groaned, coming to on the sidewalk and noticing a hell of a lot more officers around. I pushed away the hand that reached for me and glanced at my watch. Huh. It’d only been five minutes but the omega was already gone, along with Jenny’s scent.

“What the hell are you doing here, Cassie?” I grumbled, sitting up and pouting. “Where the hell is my shirt?”

“You sort of tore it off, sheriff,” said an EMT from next to me. “The Rutcan did it’s job.”

“I wasn’t in fucking rut,” I snapped, too many voices going quiet around me. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. “I’m forty three years old. Believe me. I’ve been having ruts for nearly twenty years. I know what they feel like and that…that wasn’t a rut.”

“Heat inducer in it’s rawest form has been known to have side effects on Alphas that can mimic…” The EMT shut his mouth as I glared. “You should probably go to the hospital just to be safe.”

“Pop,” I said, getting to my feet reluctantly with Cassie’s help. He appeared from near a SUV with a Helena PD t-shirt in hand. “This is why you’re my favorite employee.”

“I don’t think you can openly have favorites,” said Cassie, raising her brow. I frowned. 

“Blame it on the Rutcan,” I said, shoving the shirt on, looking around for my jacket. Screw it. It was probably at the hospital. “Cassie, I don’t know what the hell you’re doing here but you need to go home. Now.”

“Uh, there’s only a million cop cars on the street. Jenny texted, said you needed help so of course I came.” I sighed, nodding as I checked my pockets, grateful all my gear was still there. “So what’s going on to make downtown look like the end of Die Hard?”

“Pop, status?” I asked, ignoring her. He shook his head, wincing when I didn’t bother to hide my curse. “What, he slipped out of the net?”

“Looks like from what we can tell is the omega got away from Hunter somehow further up the street.” My gaze drifted down the sidewalk to the last block where Stormy’s Bar sat beyond the construction area. “Think she came from there?”

“Those scumbags are twisted motherfuckers but they aren’t stupid enough to shit where they eat. It wasn’t them.” I ran a hand through my hair, putting my hands on my hips, both of them looking where I was. “She was in workout clothes and sneakers, had a smart watch on. My gut says she was running over at the park or near there and ran into Hunter in there.”

I spun around, both of them looking at each other. Cassie crossed her arms, biting her bottom lip. “Okay, putting aside the fact I still don’t know what is happening, why the hell would she be running in Cartridge Park? I thought it was permanently closed. The gates have been locked for months since that body was found…oh please don’t tell me what I think is happening is happening.”

“That we have a serial killer lose in Helena? Fine, I won’t tell you,” I said. Cassie smacked my arm. Hard. Pop pretended to take a call, leaving me along to rub my arm. “Cassie, I couldn’t tell you.”

“I’m one of your best friends! And I-”

“You were not in danger, neither was Noah,” I cut her off, her anger fading a sliver. “He only goes after female Omegas.”

“I thought that omega had a heart attack,” she dead panned. 

“...Not a natural one,” I mumbled, pulling her around the side of brick building to the side street, Cassie’s face hard. “Cassie, I cannot have a public panic. You know that. Swear you keep this quiet.”

“Fine. But you’re telling me everything starting with how many victims have there been so far.” 

“Seven.” She tilted her head like she heard me wrong. God, I wish I was. “He has a type. Female omega. Age range is pretty big. Youngest was twenty two, oldest forty seven. Single. Recently moved to town. He started with the older ones first so we didn’t even realize until two vics ago that these weren’t heart attacks in seemingly healthy women. We think he got annoyed with us and made it obvious.”

“Okay but that woman they just took to the hospital, she was in heat.” I breathed deeply, rubbing my temple. “Heat inducers can cause a heart attack?”

“No, they can’t.” I crossed my arms, tilting my head back to stare at the darkening sky above. Here I thought I’d be halfway through a slice of meat lovers pizza and watching Love Is Blind with Em right now. “Basic sex ed. An omega’s heat passes either naturally with time or by mating. Heat inducers help omegas with hormone issues stay on a regular schedule, right?”

Cassie leaned back against the brick wall, her eyes closing in realization. “He gives them the heat inducer to force a heat to slow them down and grab them. Then he keeps giving it to them.”

I sighed, giving her a simple nod. “Autopsy on previous vics shows off the charts levels of heat inducers and heat markers in the bloodstream. We got some big wig doctor at the university hospital to look at the data. Cassie, he keeps them in a never ending heat for anywhere from two to three weeks until their hearts literally stop from the exertion.”

“He doesn’t need to restrain them,” she said, my head nodding. “The heat turns their own bodies into prisons.”

“And he watches them suffer. For fun. He put a note on the last girl telling us so. That is who we are chasing and that omega at the hospital is the first real lead we have.” She glanced down the quieter street, making a face.

“Does Emily know?” I pursed my lips, looking away and beyond at the darkening mountains beyond. If we didn’t catch Hunter and soon, he could easily slip away into the forest or hills. Damn it, I should have pout on gloves before I touched that omega’s neck. I knew about the heat inducer. Stupid, stupid. If someone else got hurt- “Beau. Does she know?”

“She’s not even capable of getting a heat for at least a few more years.” Cassie eyed me up and down, looking right through me. “...She’s known for a few months.”

Cassie gritted her teeth, breathing deeply to calm down. “Do you think she’s in danger?” I scoffed.

“After all the shit that happened last year, fuck yes I think she’s in danger. Constantly. But I can’t get her to go down to her mother’s. She’s a stubborn as hell seventeen year old.”

“Is an officer keeping tabs on her?” 

“Who’s the cop here, Cassie? There’s always one within fifty feet of her which has earned me a whole lot of brownie points.” I tilted my head, Cassie sighing. “You really think she’s a target?”

“I was headed down to Seattle to visit my sister next week…I could do that early, take Em with us if you want. Give you some peace of mind.”

“I don’t want to go to Seattle.” My head whipped around fast, eyes wide when I saw Emily approaching with a very remorseful looking Officer Jergens. I started for him, Emily cutting me off. “You said all hands on deck and I told him you’d fire him if you didn’t show up. Whoops.”

“You and I are going to talk,” I said to the officer, his head nodding quickly. My gaze turned on Emily, her eyes narrowed. “And you? You’re getting out of town until this situation is resolved. End of story.”

“I’m not even able to have a heat for a few more years. I don’t fit the victim profile at all.”

“You’re the Sheriff’s daughter though,” said Cassie before I could respond. Emily frowned, Cassie taking a few steps towards her. “This guy is bad news, Em. It doesn’t matter if you’re presented fully or not. He might not care about that or he might try to use you to get to your dad.”

“I’m not leaving.” I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, Emily straightening her own back in response. “Don’t pull your Alpha crap. I. Am. Staying.”

“Would you back me up?” I said, Cassie shrugging. “Cassandra. You’re a parent. Talk to her.”

“Emily, I’m booking Noah and me a flight for the morning. You are more than welcome to come to Seattle with us. Beau…maybe she wants to stay because something bad happened to her last year and she wants to face it this time, not let it rule her life…or yours.” 

“Some friend you are,” I grumbled, crossing my arms, Emily doing the same. I stared her down, Emily giving it right back. Damn stubborn child. “Emily-”

“Two days. Then I’m flying home. Got it?” she said. I exhaled slowly, her face softening at the relaxation in mine. “Be fucking careful, dad.”

“Thank you,” I said, kissing her temple. “Now Officer Jergens is going to take you out wherever you want for dinner and then take you home to pack.” I gave him my attention, Jergens swallowing thickly. “Anything happens to her, they won’t be able to find pieces of you. Understand?”

“Yes sir,” he said, Cassie giving me a smile. 

“Come on, Em. As long as Jergens is paying, lets go grab Noah and go all out,” she said. My officer sighed, getting them both out of there as my phone rang.

“Arlen,” I answered.

“Sheriff, this is Dr. Olson at County Memorial. We were asked to give you an update on the omega that came in.”

“Yes, you’re that specialist we’ve been working with,” I said, heading back up the sidewalk where my officers were scattered all over the street, some talking to people, others doing a gride search. “Is she still alive?”

“Yes, the Blaze you gave her slowed the heat inducer. She had a very atypical reaction to the inducer. We can’t be positive until we get results back but we belive your Hunter suspect has increased the dosage which causes additional strain on the omega. We gave her a high dose of heat stopper in the ER which pulled her out of it. She was being moved to a room to rest but…” I could hear him move around, footfalls against linoleum. “We can’t seem to find her.”

“Excuse me?” I shook my head. “I sent a detective with her. Jenny Hoyt. Blonde, always wears a leather jacket-”

“We can’t find her either.” 

“Lock that hospital down now,” I said, snapping my fingers at Pop and a trio of officers he was talking to. “County Memorial. The victim and Hoyt are missing.”

Reader POV

You woke up with a headache and the taste of cinnamon in your mouth. You sat up from the stretcher you laid on, spitting onto the linoleum floor. 

“Fucking Blaze,” you grumbled, holding a hand to your head as you looked around. You jumped as you realized the room you were in, eyes wide as the door opened. “The morgue? Really?”

“I improvised.” You spotted a familiar face, relaxing slightly. He turned his head the same direction as you when you heard a grunt. Your eyes landed on a blonde woman taped to an office chair in the corner, a sticky piece of medical tape over her mouth. She looked between the two of you, her eyebrows raising. “Can you walk?”

“I don’t know,” you said, swinging your legs off the table. You touched the ground, legs wobbling hard before you started to go down. A strong arm wrapped around your waist, helping you back up on the stretcher. “Do you know what they gave me?”

“Some kind of heat stopper I’m guessing,” he said, going into a room off to the side, returning with two pairs of new blue scrubs. “Change.”

He stripped down to his boxer briefs and had his pants up by the time you managed to reach behind and pull off the tie on the back of your gown. 

“You didn’t happen to find a bra back there, did you?” you joked as he went to your back, pulling away the gown from behind. He dropped a bra in your lap, catching your smile over your shoulder. “Always the boy scout.”

You got your arms through the loops, his large fingers attaching the clasp in the back before he helped to tug your scrub shirt. 

“What are you going to do with her?” you asked. He came around to your front and knelt down, pulling up your pants and shoving a pair of cheap sneakers on your feet. His gaze darkened as he looked past you. You touched a hand to his cheek, a waft of angry hormones coming off him. “She’s just doing her job.”

“She’ll know our faces,” he said, standing again, putting his own tee on. He reached under the stretcher and pulled out a backpack, releasing a gun and holster from the front pocket. He tucked it in his waistband before tossing it on the stretcher. “You. Alpha girl.”

You watched him go to her, lean down in her angry face with a lifted chin.

“Listen very carefully. I did not hurt her tonight. End of story,” he said, pointing back at you. “I will die before I let something happen to her and I’m going to beat myself up over what happened this evening for a very long time so I can guarantee that doesn’t happen again. Go hunt down who did this to her and I will keep her safe. If you come looking for us, you jeopardize her. I will kill anyone who does that. Am I clear?”

The blonde woman’s gaze travelled over to you, eyes snapping back when he grabbed her chin.

“Do not come after us.” You rolled your eyes, shifting on the stretcher, rubbing out your thigh and hoping to get some feeling back in it.

“Don’t be a dickhead. Let go of her. Now.” He grumbled but listened, her eyes softening when you gave her a half-there smile. “I promise he’s not holding me against my will. It’s complicated is all.”

He turned around, putting his hands on his hips. “You think that’s going to make her think I’m not the guy who attacked you?”

“Oh, she already knows that. Anyone could smell your protective Alpha shit all over this room. All she’s trying to do is figure out what’s going on so like I said, back off of the police officer.” He breathed hard, closing his eyes like he often did when you frustrated him. 

“Fine. We’ll toss her in a morgue drawer.”

“No!” Her scent flashed with fear she couldn’t hide, eyes darting back and forth between you and your stubborn Alpha. “We’re going to leave her here, in that chair, and that’s it. Okay? Ma’am, I’m sorry for him. He’s in a bad mood because I was attacked and he doesn’t let shit like that go.”

“Don’t apologize for me,” he said, pushing you to lie back on the stretcher. 

“Don’t be a dick and I won’t have to.” He rolled his eyes and grabbed a sheet from a nearby table. “You really think you can roll me out of here?”

“I think you let me figure that out. Now be quiet and don’t move.” He tossed the sheet over top of you and tucked the backpack between your legs, the stretcher moving somewhere. You tried to stay calm, eyes squeezed shut. 

“Sh,” he murmured, reaching over top of the sheet and squeezing your hand for a fleeting moment. “Ninety seconds and we’ll be in the car nice and safe. Just breathe nice and slow for me.”

You didn’t answer as he turned down a corner, a tiny flash of annoyance in his scent you recognized instantly. Crap.

“Sir, the hospital’s in lockdown,” said a new voice. You caught two new scents. Double crap. 

“Shit man, can’t I just get this body outside? The funeral home should be here any minute to pick it up. My boss’ll kill me if I fuck up and make them wait again,” said the Alpha, his grip on the stretcher tightening. 

“Sorry sir but no exceptions.” You swallowed, feeling a hand tug the end of the stretcher near your feet. “We’d be more than happy to turn over the body to the funeral home for you.”

“Nah man, I can’t do that. No offense but I can’t let a body go unattended. Appreciate it though,” he said. You felt him try to tug you backwards, the hand on the other end of the cart tugging it back. 

“What’s the rush? I’m sure this’ll clear up in a minute.”

“You want to leave a dead body in a seventy degree hallway? Man, my boss would really kill me then,” he chuckled, the tension in the air rising. “I got to get it back to cold storage.”

“Lift up the sheet.” Two seconds later you were on the ground, the stretcher tipped over by who you didn’t know. You blinked, a strong arm around your waist, yours instinctively finding the backpack and bringing it to your chest. You could see they were hospital security guards, one with their hands raised, the other with his hand on his holster.

“Don’t do it,” you said to the guard, seeing an arm outstretched, glock in hand in your periphery. 

“I’d listen to her,” said the Alpha holding you up. The guard debated before holding his hands up.

“The cops are already on their way,” said the guard as they both got on the ground.

“No shit,” said the Alpha, dragging you with him and out the door. Your legs were still weak but you could stumble along with his help. 

“I ever tell you how good you are at making friends?” you said when the door outside shut behind you. He scoffed, finding a piece of plastic from some kind of tray on the ground and shoving it under the door, jamming it, at least for long enough to get away.

“I’m amazing at making friends,” he said, bending and scooping you up bridal style. “I thought I told you to stay quiet.”

“I got to keep you on your toes,” you said. He jogged as fast as he could with you for the parking lot, cursing when two black and whites sped through the lot entrance in the distance. “Company.”

“I see them.” You both froze when a gunshot rang out from nearby. 

“Put her on the ground.” You leaned your head back, wide eyed when you recognized the Alpha from the sidewalk.

“You’re the guy that gave me Blaze on the street.” Your eyes drifted lower, spotting the badge on his hip. Your gaze travelled back up, his gun aimed at the Alpha carrying you. Your eyes met the Alpha’s green ones, a reassurance to them. “Thank you for everything but you need to let us leave.”

“He can’t hurt you anymore,” said the cop. You looked away and up at the Alpha that held you as you were set down. 

“What the hell-” you mumbled, his arms holding you upright.

“Make a run for the car. It’s one row back on the left. I’ll hold him off. You know what to do,” he whispered against your ear. “Now.”

You didn’t even make it a step when you fell forward without his support. He reached for you instinctively, the cop taking advantage and tackling him straight to the ground. The glock went scattering from the Alpha’s waistband on the pavement as all three of you went down.

You flinched when the cop punched him square in the jaw, the two wrestling as you slowly tried to inch yourself towards the black sedan in the distance.

But it was too late. More cop cars flooded the lot, there were at least three hospital guards surrounding the two men fighting on the ground and you backed straight into an officer’s legs.

“You’re okay, ma’am. You’re okay,” he said as you locked eyes with your friend as he got cold clocked in the face. The cop rolled away and there were multiple guns aimed at the Alpha on the ground breathing hard. “He won’t hurt you.”

“Stop!” you shouted as someone kicked him in the ribs, rolling him to put him in cuffs. You wracked your brain, squeezing your eyes. “Beau! Beau Arlen, right?”

“Yes,” said the green eyed Alpha, voice gentle as he came over to you, kneeling down. “I’m surprised you remember. It’s all going to be alright now. He can’t hurt you. He is going far away-”

“The fuck he is,” snarled an angry voice. You swallowed when the blonde cop, Jenny Hoyt you’d thought her name was, stormed over with tape stuck to the sleeves of her jacket. She leered down at you, venom in her eyes. “Neither is she. She’s fucking working with that guy.”

“You’re wrong. She’s clearly…” trailed off Beau when you looked away. His heated gaze didn’t leave your skin, his gaze drifting over to the cuffed Alpha, surely catching the look of concern you shared. “Did that man over there attack you tonight?”

“No,” you sighed, closing your eyes. “No, whoever that was is still out there.”

Beau looked you up and down again when you managed to face him, biting his bottom lip. “I want these two brought into the station for questioning. Hoyt, Pop, go back to the manhunt. Ellis, Berks. Take him to interrogation A. Discretely. I’ll follow with her. I need to have a word alone with our new friend here first.”

You swallowed as he came around behind you, wrapping an arm around your waist, the other taking your backpack and slinging it over his shoulder. He walked you away from the commotion slowly, letting you take your time on your shaky legs. Everything in your head said you had to get away from him but something about his scent had you trusting him. Maybe if you played along, you could get the Alpha out of police custody before they realized what had happened.

“So,” said Beau two seconds after sliding in behind the wheel of his truck. You reluctantly sat in the passenger one, swallowing as you watched the other cars leave the lot. “Let’s start with the basics. What’s your name?”

You frowned, looking at your lap. “Okay. Is that man your Alpha?”

You shook your head.

“Boyfriend?” You couldn’t hide your snort, Beau humming.

“He was putting out some major signals in his scent.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you said, staring out the window.

“Either you tell me what the hell is going on or I’m going to have to charge him with kidnapping, assault on an officer-”

“Then charge him. Now as far as I see, I’m the victim. You can’t know that I wasn’t playing along with him back in that morgue just to survive. So charge me or let me go.” Beau licked his lips, smirking. “What?”

“That being held against your will doesn’t really work when you were on your own earlier tonight and your man was so adamant about not being your attacker. I saw it in the way we fought. He wasn’t concerned about winning. He was buying time for you. So. Let’s try this again. Tell me your name.”

“And what do I get if I do?” He scoffed. “I’ll make you a deal. You don’t put my guy in the system and we’ll tell you everything. Only you.”

“You got a deal.”

___________

A/N: Read Part 2 here!