#psychosis companion

[justanotherstardrop]

this user bond with objects

[dreamdropcompanions]

this user believes in object sentience

[autisticdreamdrop]

one of our plushies, and comfort items and psychosis companion. This is Peanut.

[strawberrybabydog]

really gambling today i had a great morning but in going to an antique/thrift shop ...... delusional companion syndrome ppl i know u understand me in this moment

[vamp-luvr999]

How do you describe that you may be objectum? I am attracted to one of my plush animals, not in a sexual way just.. romantically. It makes me feel like an outcast and a freak though, I just need some support on the fact that I’m not,, I guess. /gen

[creatively-ill]

A question for my fellow posic+ members (I didn’t know how to finish this sentence)

This is my baby Vanilla Ice Cream (she recognizes the two parts of her name as her names but she doesn’t recognize the full name as her name if that makes sense)

Does anyone else have companions that are their children? Like, they are children and you have adopted them? I want to know if I’m alone on this one.

[llovelyclouds]

notes on alecto

hii!! so a few months ago i did a full reread of the locked tomb and took note of anything i thought seemed particularly relevant. I want to share what I have but I'm not sure exactly how i want to format everything quite yet- but im just gonna go for it so bear with me if its a little disorganized!

throughout the process i've started coming up with some of my own theories, but i thought it would be cool to post everything i've compiled, so people could use that to make their own conclusions as well :D

I have sections for anything that seemed important about all the original lyctors & their cavaliers, so I'm going to start off with all my information gathered about alecto! buckle in, folks, there's a lot :-)

you can find links to the other posts in the project here!

(also ofc spoilers for the up to the end of nona ahead!)

ALECTO

titles:

Also referred to as “A.L.”, “Annabel Lee,”or “Annie Laurie”  John’s cavalier, the soul of the Earth. (And of course, nona <;3)

Annabel Lee poem  (mentioned htn. pg. 196)

Annie Laurie poem (mentioned htn. pg. 345)

notes from harrow the ninth:

Harrow's psychosis seems to begin after seeing Alecto for the first time (htn. pg. 51)

Augustine describes her as "more lucid" than Mercy as an insult to Mercy (htn. pg 168)

"'God, who did you bury?' [...] 'I buried a monster,' he said." (htn. pg. 195)

(depending on how much of The Body is real) Agrees that Harrow should kill G1dieon (htn. pg. 226)

“Augustine said, ‘To sisters, and to the women we‘ve left behind.’ God’s mouth was cheerful as ever, but his eyes were not when he said, 'Do I have to drink to that?’ For the first time, you were witness to the Saint of Patience discombobulated. ‘Apologies, John. Wasn’t meant as a jab.’ ‘It doesn’t hurt anymore- most of the time,’ said God, and he was still smiling.” (htn. Pg. 277)

"Even the devil bent for God to put a leash around her neck… and the disciples were scared! I cannot blame them! I was terrified! But when the work was done- when I was finished, and so were they, and the new Lyctors found out the price- they bade him kill the saltwater creature before she could do them harm… Oh, but it is a tragedy, to be put in a box and laid to wait for the rest of time." - Teacher (htn. pg. 328)

Says she has to go away for a while immediately after Varun appears (htn. pg. 334)

John says that G1deon doesn’t talk about her, but Augustine and Mercy still feel guilty about what happened (htn. pg. 345)

“When I first met her I just called her First, One. She had a real name, but I buried it with her, and nobody says it anymore.” - John (htn. Pg. 345)

“Annabel Lee was my- what do I call her? Guide? Friend? I’d hope so… [...] She was the first Resurrection. She was my Adam. As the dust settled and I beheld what was left and what was gone, I was entirely alone. The world had been ended, Harrowhark. One moment I was a man, and the next moment I was the Necrolord Prime, the first necromancer, and more importantly, a landlord with no tenants. [...] I was dazed… I was bewildered… and she was my defender and my sole companion, and my colleague in the scholarship of learning how to live again. It was bloody difficult. I had never been God. [...] She lived to see what happened at Canaan House. Not that she took much interest. My first Resurrection was not a normal human being, Harrow, and she struggled to pretend. Anger was her besetting sin. We had that in common. And when the cost of Lyctorhood was paid, when the emotions were at their peak… we found out the price for our sin. The monstrous retribution. To be chased for our crime to the ends of the universe, to have our deed stain our very faces and follow after us like a foul smell. She died after that first terrible assault.” - John (htn. pg. 346)

"That freak would have gone for me already… she could never act human." -Mercymorn (htn. pg. 408)

the lyctors knew some amount of truth about Alecto's resurrection, likely that shes essentially a resurrection beast (htn. pg. 478)

"'A monster, John!' Augustine barked. "She was a bloody monster in a human suit! She was a monster the moment you resurrected her, and then you went and made her worse!'" - Augustine (htn. pg. 478)

Gideon & Pyrrha liked Alecto despite the fact that the other lyctors (at least Mercy and Augustine) didn't (htn. pg. 479)

One of the reasons the lyctors wanted her dead was because the RBs were partially coming for her (htn. pg. 479)

Appears to claim Harrow's body after Gideon "dies" in the river (htn. pg. 500)

notes from nona the ninth

"Sometimes, [...] I don't like when you do- the necromancy word- [...] -but it feels nice at the same time. It's mixed up. It's like when you do that, it makes me sad- not sad that you did it, but sad that you can do it." - Nona, to Palamades (ntn. pg. 65) 

"Nona loved the blue sphere as much as she loved everything else. She, and nobody else, could hear it sing." (ntn. pg. 125)

"'And I'm not scared of dying. Really truly, Cam, I'm not…' 'Why not?' said Camilla. Nona thought about it. 'Because I like letting go of the pull-up bars and falling off,' she said. 'I don't like the part just before you let go and I don't like the part where you hit the floor, but I like the letting go.'"- Nona and Cam (ntn. pg. 125)

"Dust of my dust- such similar star salt- what they did to you and what they wrung from you and what shape they made you fill- we see you still- we seek you still- we murdered- we who murder- you inadvertent tool- you misused green thing- come back to us- take vengeance for us- we saw you- we see you- I see you." - Judith, (as Varun) to Nona (ntn. pg. 164)

Nona likes Gideon's (originally Pyrrhas?? maybe?) sunglasses, but only so long as nobody wore them (ntn. pg. 165)

"then she told herself sternly, Stop it! If she was going to do it, she thought, she might as well do it. She had some vague notion that when you committed to a thing you had to do it all the way. Who had said that to her? Who had taught her that? Once you've stepped in, said the voice in the back of her head, you're in. This isn't the Hokey Pokey. She had remembered something- she had finally remembered something! Only she didn't have anyone to tell." (ntn. pg. 203)

"Nona had thrown exactly two tantrums in her entire life. She couldn't remember anything about the first one, but Pyrrha had told her about it. Pyrrha had been laughing with her mouth, but not with her eyes: her eyes had been very brown and distant and uneasy, as though this tantrum had reminded Pyrrha of something her brain didn't want to bring back." (ntn. pg. 275)

"'But you see, Palamades, I don't mind dying,' said Nona, trying to make him understand. 'I've been doing it for ages. I'm not scared.'" (ntn. pg. 289)

"'I am glad you did not tell us this. We had no idea there was any recourse from Varun the Eater's effects, nor any beast.' 'Its pure theory,' Camilla said curtly. "Something's being transmitted through the light spectrum. Absorption through the eyes is worse for the brain.' This made Nona think of something. It tugged at the edges of her memory and stayed there, nagging.'" - We Suffer & Cam (ntn. pg. 322) 

Nona says that she never liked her hands (ntn. pg. 357)

"She wanted to shout. She wanted to be listened to. She wished the barrier had taken her hands. She wished she had thrust herself into it- become that big seething mass of flesh and meat and tendrils- ruined her body, just melted it; come back messed up, so that nobody could want her body but her, so that it would be hers and nobody else's. This was a horrible thing to think. Nona hated herself immediately and fervently." (ntn. pg. 358)

She hates having just two feet (ntn. pg. 390)

“You were the noise that was everywhere. It was like trying to talk to someone down a phone line with someone screaming through a megaphone in the same room. You drowned everything out. You were so huge and so complicated, and you were screaming, You wouldn’t stop screaming, You were so scared. You were so goddamn mad.” (ntn. pg. 405)

“You were screaming. I wanted you to stop, I wanted… I wanted you. I wanted you like a caveman wants a wildfire… or the sun. I thought you were going to take me, somehow. Purge me. Use me as an instrument. But you didn’t say anything…I was babbling, Show me. Come on. I’m ready. You kept screaming and screaming… like a baby in pain. So I tried to hurt you- I did hurt you. I reached out for you, and it hurt you… but I wasn’t strong enough. The caveman. The wildfire. The Neolithic priest staggering in front of the falling star.” (ntn. pg. 407)

“I wanted to make you the most beautiful body I could think of. He paused and said: “But I was stressed, okay? I was insane. Most of what had made me John had gone somewhere else. There were a few little thoughts left…a handful of things that made me me… a couple scraps of id. It’s not fair to judge me, right? I didn’t do this thinking… I didn’t do it like art. When I was seven, you know, all Nana had to play with in her house was some of Mum’s old toys. And my favourite out of all of them…” He gave a long, shuddering sigh. “My favourite was her old Hollywood Hair Barbie,” he murmured. “I loved her little gold outfit and her long yellow hair. She was the best. She got to have all the adventures. [...]” He said, from my blood and bone and vomit I conjured up a beautiful labyrinth to house you in. I was terrified you’d find some way to escape before I was done. I made you look like a Christmas tree fairy… I made you look like a Renaissance angel… I made you Adam and Eve… Galatea. Barbie. Frankenstien’s monster with long yellow hair. He said, As the world went up I remade us both. I hid me in you… I hid you in me. And when we were together… once the shaman had claimed the sun… I became God.”- John (ntn. pg. 408)

“Do you remember what you said to me once I had done it? When we stood here together?” She looked at him and she said, “Yes.” He said- “You said, ‘I picked you to change, and this is how you repay me?’” She said- “What else did I say?” He said: “You said, ‘What have you done to me? I am a hideousness.’” She said- “What else did I say?” He said, “Where did you put the people? Where did they go?” She said, “I still love you.” He said, "You said that too.” - John & Alecto/Harrow (ntn. Pg. 410)                                                

Nona has some kind of blackout on top of the truck and something happens in that time that convinces Pyrrha of her true identity (ntn. pg. 413)

Also based on Nona’s reaction at that point, maybe Alecto didn’t like Pyrrha even though Pyrrha liked Alecto (ntn. pg. 413)

“She’s scared to die. You’re afraid of so many things, but she’s only afraid to die. Then when the disciples come to you and say the word Lyctor, she does not understand that they want the thing you did to her- she watches as you watch… watch them misunderstand the process.” - Harrow, to John, (ntn. pg. 434)

“In [Aiglemene’s] hands was a huge black-metal pike about the same height as her, with an edge that gleamed in the light. Nona couldn’t stop herself looking at that edge: for some reason it made her palms sweat, and the back of her neck itch again.” (ntn. pg. 454)

“I might not help you when.. I'm back," she said, not quite understanding I. “I'll be different. I'll remember everything. I'll remember the thing I'm trying to forget. And Palamedes-  I won't love him. I won't love Camilla, or Pyrrha, or Hot Sauce, or even Noodle. I won't love anything… I won't know how. I won't be me at all, or.. I'll be the me who knows the thing, and knowing the thing means I'm not Nona- I'm someone else." (ntn. pg. 460)

she recognizes the tower, and the devils (ntn. pg. 440, and 447, respectively)

“You let that monster out of its box," said Ianthe, "and you start us down a path nobody can save us from. If God truly wants her out… if Teacher set this all up… if he wants her…"  “Wants her? He told me to kill her. He said Make it quick, but kill her, said me with my blood could do it- said me with my blood, I was the only one… " [...] “He loves her! " Ianthe howled. “John loves Alecto - John needs Alecto! Without that piece of Goddamn fridge meat, he's nothing- and we need to keep him that way!” - Ianthe & Kiriona, accidentally prompting nona to remember everything (ntn. pg. 470)

“She had been taken down this corridor: she had squeezed through this crack in the rock- not a passageway, not at that point. John had told her he had something to show her. He had said, It's very pretty. You'll like it. [...] John loved her. She was John's cavalier. She loved John. For she so loved the world that she had given them John. For the world so loved John that she had been given. For John had so loved her that he had made her she. for John had loved the world. [...] She hadn't come on purpose; the scrap of black-eyed meat had asked for it- the chain of a kiss: the ice that burnt the flesh of the mouth that had stuck to the mouth that was frozen.The teardrop on the hand. The hand that John had fashioned. [...] John had said, It's so beautiful. Come and look. She had said, There are almost no beautiful things left. where is Anastasia? Let me talk to Anastasia. [...] Glowworms, she had told John. Technically beetles, said John, but I always loved them. Narrow beetles with long strands hanging off them- a carpet of shifting, dead, winking lights at the top of the grave. Greenish, orangish, yellowish, moving over one another silently with those long filaments hanging down. [...] And the water- the huge pool of real salt water, where she had knelt and drank- [...] John and she had swum to the centre hummock rising out of the pool. Not an island, not really. An outcropping. With the marble pillars, and the marble top, and the long low marble table. He said he thought it was a nice place to be. To lie down. She had liked hard things to lie down on. It was hard to endure having a spine.” (ntn. starting page 471)

“There she was; John had made her so ugly, so unbearably ugly. The terrible face, with the terrible arms and legs and the terrible middle part, and the terrible hair, and the terrible ears: the nose too short, the ears too brief. But there she was- and within her the child, asleep, with the strange sword. The sword- her sword- her own edge had been pushed out, her swinging edge, her toy. Her plain bladed sword. And her body was chained up…” (ntn. pg. 474)

“Then Alecto remembered the vow, and turned back upon the altar to face the second child and raised the sword with wrath in her heart, for they meant to bring destruction upon her. But when the black-eyed infant showed her countenance to Alecto, Alecto recalled her, for it was a face one dreamed in Alecto's dream. and Alecto stayed the sword.” (ntn. pg. 476)

“And Alecto said, Pyrrha, he laid me down as an appeasement to them; he fed you to them as an appeasement to them; but he has never appeased me, and now all he has done was teach me how to die." (ntn. Pg. 476) 

"Alecto said, I am very sorry about Samael. The child made no answer. Alecto said, I remember my vows. As I swore to Anastasia I swear to you. I am in your service until you bid me the favour, and whatsoever you appoint I shall perform, and consider the vow rendered. This is what I promised, until such a time as you deal with me as you see fit.” (ntn. pg. 477)

[celaenaeiln]

Robin Dick was the scariest robin on the streets by far.

He was the first sidekick ever and first of all that’s like a massive mind bomb because imagine being 8 years old, having no one but a dark, grumpy, emo man dressed as a furry complete with little ears as your companion and going around scaring people into being good. It’s mentally overwhelming to wrap my mind around this concept. He’s a third grader whose parents splattered their brains before him because of a mob boss and despite the trauma he picks himself up, puts himself together, and actively chooses to be better.

The villains must have been more terrified of him than they were of Batman because this little elementary schooler is going around at 1 am in the morning landing on the shoulders of 240 pound men, booping their noses, spewing jokes, and dancing in the air of the chilly Gotham night in nothing but panties while also full force round house kicking in a villain’s face before gently landing in a graceful pirouette on another thug’s arm as he stares bewildered at this 3 foot 9 child now tilting its head at him like a curious, weightless bird.

The sound of Robin’s laughter must have sent shivers and chills down their spines as this tiny thing streaking with the blood of his enemies beamed and giggled at them. They for sure thought he was a little psycho in the making. It’s said that the Joker hates Dick the most because he was the only Robin he couldn’t break and the reason for that aligns. You can’t break something that’s already broken. His insanity couldn’t comprehend the madness of the first robin. For all intents and purposes, Dick was the Nightmare on Elm Street for them, taking Guerilla warfare to a whole new level. Always popping up out of the most inconceivable places like a tiny, deranged jack-in-the-box.

And then what they must have felt with Batman. With Batman they were scared of getting their face punched, a reasonable fear, but what happens when you realize that Batman was hopeless? I mean, imagine witnessing the beginnings of the world’s next Charles Manson and turning to the man you know is known to protect people from psychopaths but instead you see a horrifying visage, illuminated by only the flickering streetlights of a criminal-infested Gotham, the hint of an affectionate smirk as your once protector looks on endearingly at your terrorizer torturing his next victim. It’s like talking to a wall, none of your rationality and hope and begging making a dent in the face of belief. You start acting out, screaming at someone to listen, to see the truth, but they ignore you because they think you’re a no-good liar.

Dick, and Bruce consequently, have a saved a lot of thankful civilians but at the same time must have also increased the turnover rate of psychosis among criminals. What can you do when every protector you turn to only sees the sweet, innocence of your monster with unwavering faith. When the city you believe in instead becomes a cult following of their darling, baby robin. Where do you go when the vile streets you grew up on echo in excited whispers of a child blooming honeysuckle laughter in his wake, instead of the haunting melody you know him for? Who do you turn to now?

“The laughing boy daredevil.”

[queer-ragnelle]

is there any text or tumblr post that dives into the ways in which sir lancelot is insane? like a freak? i’ve read a couple extracts ab him giving the idea that he was effed up a bit and like a whole murderbot with raging feelings of hatred and love? i would like to know more ab the crazy things he does or says that make ppl go “this man is a freakazoid”. also i adore your blog thank you for making sumn this nice!

hi there!

i'm unsure if you mean excerpts from medieval sources in which lancelot is "mad" or academic articles dissecting those instances...but i have both for you lol now a disclaimer: i'm neither a medievalist nor a psychologist, so all i can offer you is the raw material and my opinion. while we shouldn't "diagnose" anyone of the past as we do now, lancelot isn't a real person, so i think that affords us a little more freedom to speculate about him, and more importantly, what it is he represented: a medieval anxiety surrounding trauma and the resulting mental toll. info and sources below a cut. huge content warning for self harm and suicidal ideation.

Academic Sources: Medieval Attitudes Towards Mental Illness by Edith A. Wright, Of Metal and Men by Julie Singer, The Enemy Inside by Brian Burfield

Medieval Sources: The Knight of The Cart by Chréiten de Troyes, The Vulgate Cycle edited by Norris J. Lacy

so for starters, let's establish what it is people are responding to when they discuss lancelot's mental instability. the character first appears in "the knight of the cart" by chrétien de troyes, and right from the getgo, lancelot exhibits a lot of mental distress, up to and including, a suicide attempt.

from his inception, lancelot was unwell. at another point, he appears to disassociate so completely, he forgets his own identity, and loses perception of his body.

now you may have noticed that the text always links lancelot's episodes to his fixation on guinevere. we'd be here forever if we incorporated the way medieval authors offset the blame of their protagonists' deteriorating mental states onto the fault of a woman (see also: yvain/owain's madness when laudine/countess divorced him, tristan's madness out of longing for isolde, etc.) whereas when a woman shows upset, it's never attributed to her lover, but a shortcoming within herself. so for the sake of staying on topic, we'll focus on lancelot's symptoms as they are, rather than trying to unravel the middle ages-sized knot of misogyny that is the fictitious root of these madness episodes. "medieval attitudes towards mental illness" by edith a. wright discusses this trend in depth.

i'm going to be focusing on "the vulgate cycle" as my main source of lancelot's madness as he has multiple distinct episodes in that text written in excruciating detail that we can discuss. generally speaking, lancelot is presented as an extremely anxious individual that's highly susceptible to outside influence (whether that be guinevere's, galehaut's, etc.) but that in and of itself is not necessarily indicative of mental illness so much as a rarely explored introverted quirk of his personality. as discussed in "of metal and men" by julie singer, it seems lancelot's at his most confident when operating as an anonymous knight and therefore not subject to the scrutiny of societal expectation.

this, however, can develop in extreme ways when lancelot is pushed past his limits, and he succumbs to a berserker-like state neither his friends nor family can shake him from. while imprisoned at saxon rock, lancelot has to be segregated from the other prisoners, despite galehaut begging to be housed with him, the jailers refuse as lancelot's psychosis is so intense that he'd kill his fellow hostages and thus neutralize the enemy army's advantage. lancelot's refusal to eat exacerbates his symptoms. [Lancelot Part II, Ch. 71. Lancelot’s Madness and Cure; Defeat of the Saxons and Irish; Lancelot, Galehaut, and Hector Become Companions of the Round Table]

this psychotic episode continues even after lancelot is freed. eventually guinevere is forced to lock him alone in a room to protect the others, as he continues to attack anyone who comes near, including his own younger cousin and squire lionel who had attempted to talk him down and was struck. lancelot only recovers after his adoptive mother, the lady of the lake, arrives and utilizes strikingly modern de-escalation techniques, such as referring to lancelot by his childhood name to ground him, administering some medicine to help him sleep, allowing him uninterrupted rest, and then bathing him. (this is tinged with medieval mysticism, of course, but you get the idea.) the lady of the lake then instructs guinevere on how to care for him thereafter. once lancelot awakens from his magic/healing-induced coma, his sanity is restored.

it feels important to note here that, once lancelot regains his senses, he feels ashamed of his behavior, and worries that his mental instability would cause guinevere to love him less. but she assures him that she loves him and is committed as long as they both live. even in medieval times, people recognized that a strong support system was of utmost importance for the mentally ill to thrive.

lancelot is, for the most part, stable for a time after this, contented to live at sorealis with galehaut (and guinevere for a bit as well). but growing restless, lancelot leaves galehaut's company to go adventuring. through some misunderstanding, galehaut believes lancelot had died, and thus dies of heartbreak himself. on discovery of his beloved's tomb, lancelot grieves so bitterly that he intends to kill himself on the spot. [Lancelot Part IV, Ch. 120. Lancelot Discovers Galehaut’s Casket and Defends It; Lancelot Rescues Meleagant’s Sister]

it's here that a messenger of the lady of the lake arrives. the lady had been informed by her oracle that this would happen, so acting quickly, she sent someone to intervene. the messenger takes the sword from lancelot and immediately gives him a task, one that would exhume galehaut and bring his body to where lancelot would eventually be buried beside him. in the short term, this prevented lancelot from harming himself, and in the long term, guided him toward shifting gears long enough that he eventually overcomes his grief through completion of his lady's instruction.

the next time lancelot is driven mad is after he is beguiled by elaine of corbenic into bed with her at camelot. (this is the second time, galahad had already been conceived). [Lancelot Part VI, Ch. 176 Lancelot and Arthur Go to Gaul; Claudas Abandons Gaunes; King Pelles’s Daughter Deceives Lancelot; Guenevere Expels Lancelot]

at this point, lancelot is beyond the reach of even his mother, the lady of the lake, so this psychotic episode persists for many years. he's declared missing and all of the knights set out in search of him, to no avail, and he is assumed dead. lancelot, meanwhile, survives the winter by attacking people and stealing their resources. [Lancelot Part VI, Ch. 178 Lancelot’s Madness and Subsequent Cure]

eventually, while lancelot is subdued in a deep sleep, a pair of charitable brother knights, recognizing that lancelot is unable to care for himself and a danger to those around him, successfully transport him to their castle. they don't know who he is. they keep him chained for safety but feed and clothe him. during this time, lancelot mutilates himself to be free.

eventually, lancelot is calm enough to be freed from his bindings, and lives with the brothers in this way for two years. he eats little and completely loses touch with his identity and the reality of the world around him.

but one day, lancelot looks out his tower window and sees a passing boar. he's compelled to follow it and departs the castle of the brothers without a word. he ends up in a battle with the boar which he barely survives. a holy man happens upon him and tries to administer healing, but lancelot attacks him.

after this the holy man flees and enlists the help of some men-at-arms, who assist in capturing lancelot and forcibly strapping him to a litter to be drawn away. ultimately, despite the best intentions, lancelot's condition only worsens.

i'm going to make a brief aside here as this reminds me of an article i read detailing a similar situation which occurred in real life. in "the enemy inside" by brian burfield, john of ancaster suffered mental distress as a result of the war in france, subsequently inflicting harm on himself and others. in this case, it was his father that restrained him into a horse-drawn cart, and brought him to a place of healing which was revolutionary of the time period, as friar bartholomeus recognized the connection between trauma and mental distress without attributing it to demonic possession, thus attracting many people in need of help to his monastery for treatment. so there is, at least in part, historical precedence of similar occurrences.

anyway, back to lancelot. he eventually flees from his intended caretakers yet again and wanders to the town of corbenic. there the children recognize his madness and begin to harass him, throwing stones and sticks, until he's incited to retaliate and wounds anyone who crosses him. eventually he wanders into the castle itself. the courtlings recognize he's mad, and feed him scraps. satiated, he literally curls up and sleeps on the floor like a dog. it's this, at last, that allows him to begin the slow recovery to wellness.

finally, after all these years, someone recognizes lancelot for who he is. none other than elaine of corbenic.

she tells her father pelles and he concocts a plan to capture and cure lancelot using the power of the holy grail. so as the times before, they wait until lancelot falls asleep, and bind him up. then at long last, his senses are restored.

when lancelot awakens from his stupor, he knows not how he got there, but begins walking upright and talking coherently again. he implores pelles to explain how he came there. once up to speed. lancelot is grateful no one but pelles and elaine recognized him. now let it be made clear that while lancelot's psychotic episode had finally concluded, he's not otherwise alleviated of mental anguish. he's still depressed about his banishment from logres and camelot, and deeply ashamed of his many years spent mad. thus he requests of pelles to live somewhere far away, where no one but pelles and elaine will ever recognize him.

so an island with a castle is located on which lancelot can live and he, together with elaine and a small court, go there to stay. lancelot loses his knightly abilities and instead takes up the daily ritual of subjecting himself to painful memories of logres, which then in turn bring him "relief" and "comfort". an apt description of rumination and self harm.

eventually, lancelot sends a secret message back to the land of logres intended to entice people to the island to fight him so he can relive the glory days.

in the end, it's lancelot's own half brother hector along with young and newly knighted perceval who find lancelot on the isle of joy. hector tells lancelot that the queen summons him, and lancelot immediately prepares to leave. on hearing this, galahad tells his grandfather he'll go and lodge in the abbey run by his great aunt, so that he might be nearer to his father. [Lancelot Part VI, Ch. 179 Hector and Perceval Find Lancelot, and They All Return to Camelot; Galahad’s Arrival Is Announced]

and with that, lancelot reenters society with his brother and son, which kicks off the grail quest in the subsequent book. that's a lot of info and reading, but all this to say that yeah, lancelot is known for his mental instability, to say the least. thanks for the ask!

[ladyylavenderrr]

Garak and Psychosis

Very self indulgent little post about instances of Garak displaying behaviors that read to me (or at least can be read) as a symptom of psychosis. I will almost certainly miss some, but I want to compile this together for myself. I completely see Garak as having some kind of psychotic disorder. Most of these examples will come from A Stitch In Time, but we have some from the show as well. Also keep in mind that many of these could be interpreted in a myriad of ways, not just as a psychotic symptom. I’m not claiming any of this is definitive proof or anything of the sort, and Garak’s past as a spy (a profession that by nature demands a lot of paranoia) certainly complicates all of this. That’s not to say this an either-or situation. He can be both psychotic and a former spy and in fact the effect both would have on the other would be quite interesting, as laid out in this post

Again, all of what I say can be interpreted in many different ways, but I just want to have it all written down in one place. Psychosis can manifest in very different ways for different people. Some people might be debilitated by their symptoms, struggling to function without assistance. Others might function just fine most of the time and only experience relatively mild symptoms, though the associated distress isn’t any less important.

Season 6, episode 5 “Favors The Bold”. Garak insists Julian examine him for a some kind of mind reading device put in his head by Starfleet Intelligence. Despite Julian telling him there’s nothing out of the ordinary in his head, Garak doesn’t believe him and insists he keep looking. Came off as a delusion to me, especially since he remains convinced despite evidence proving his delusion false.

Season 4, episode 21 “For the Cause”. Upon meeting Ziyal, Garak becomes convinced that she wants to hurt and kill him. I wouldn’t say her being Dukat’s daughter is enough evidence for the average person to be this worried. In fact, Quark even calls him out on his paranoia and we get this exchange.

GARAK: I was going to cancel. I've had visions of Ziyal presenting my head to her father as a birthday gift. 
QUARK: That's a little paranoid, wouldn't you say? 
GARAK: Paranoid is what they call people who imagine threats against their life. I have threats against my life.

To be fair, Kira warning him to stay away from Ziyal gets him to calm down a bit, or maybe not because he still seems quite apprehensive when he actually meets Ziyal, still afraid she might want to hurt him.

Now to A Stitch In Time.

Part 1, Chapter 7. As Garak helps Parmak dig people out of the rubble of a bombed Cardassia (highly stressful and traumatic situation), he seems to hallucinate a figure. You could read this as metaphorical, but he reacts to and tries to interact with the figure in the real world, which doesn’t come off as a metaphorical way of describing his despair to me.

“I have never lived with despair, Doctor, the way I live with it now. It's almost like a phantom companion that shadows me and casts doubt on whatever I do.

"Why save him?" it asks, as we remove a young boy from the rubble of a school. "You're only keeping him alive for a future of privation and chaos. Wouldn't it be more satisfying to join the burial unit?"

I want to scream at this phantom, to shut it up. Once I turned around suddenly and raised my hand to strike it. When I realized it wasn't there, it was too late. Everyone in the unit was looking at me; I'm sure I must have looked like a madman.”

After this, Parmak gives Garak some pills. He only calls them “relaxants” so it might be a sedative of some kind, but I’m not sure. Either way, Garak hallucinates again after swallowing the pills, panicking as he sees those Cardassian orphans from the episode “Cardassians”. I doubt the pills are hallucinogens, both because Parmak specifically gave them to Garak after witnessing him hallucinating and is seemingly trying to stop that, and because they speak about the hallucinations like an unintended side effect ("I'm afraid they don't react well with me," I explained. “I understand," he said.)

Certain drugs making psychotic symptoms worse isn’t uncommon.

Part 1, Chapter 6. As Garak and the rest of his group in Bamarren are forced to stand still in the heat for what might be hours as part of a training exercise, he begins to hallucinate multiple figures, including his parents (it’s interesting that one of the figures seems to be Palandine, even though neither we nor Garak have been introduced to her yet). If this were the only instance of Garak hallucinating in the book, I wouldn’t assume he has a psychotic disorder since this example has obvious an explanation outside of a mental health issue. People are known to experience hallucinations when suffering from heat stroke. However I’m putting this example here simply because it’s part of a larger pattern of Garak hallucinating multiple times throughout the book. It’s also interesting to note that this scene happens right before the scene of an adult Garak hallucinating that figure with Parmak.

Part 2, Chapter 18. Garak seems to hallucinate as he looks at the frieze. He sees the frieze move and the people painted on it move as well. He thinks some of the figures are he and Palandine but isn’t sure.

“The frieze now began to move in the upward direction. I was too amazed to ask if this was truly happening. People would disappear at the top while more would enter from below.

Certain faces were recognizable, but I didn't know why. Something was also rising within me, an energy moving up my spine to my head, and I began to feel dizzy. Two of the figures could have been Palandine and me, but I couldn't be sure. I was almost nauseous with the energy surging within me. The figures completed the cycle and disappeared at the top. The frieze stopped moving.”

This one can be interpreted in a more metaphorical way than some of the others, but like I said, it could also be another symptom of this potential psychosis.

I’m sure I’ve missed some examples, but you get my point.

[justanotherstardrop]

going to bed with our plushies like

[dreamdropcompanions]

do you not know how special you are to me (us)

[karniss-bg3]

What do you think Kar'niss would do if he survives the death of the Absolute and all? With everything over and we'll say that he is by Tav's side until the end as well. Would he worship Tav as another kind of god/goddess, or... something else?

Hm this is an interesting question because there are so many variables at play. With the way Larian has structured the game it seems like all companions have the ability to shift toward good or evil. Of course I've not done a playthrough with Karlach, Wyll and Laezel in my party from start to finish but it's in the works. I know they can dip if Tav pisses them off too much but for the sake of ease, I'll just assume basic good versus evil. Act 3 spoilers head.

Good Ending: At first Kar'niss would've been very hesitant to join Tav and friends, likely even violent. It'd probably take a high persuasion roll to get him into your party. Tav just destroyed those he was loyal to, after all. The artifact could do well to block the tadpoles influence but Kar'niss' shattered mind is a different kettle of fish entirely. I imagine the first interactions with him would be aggressive and stand-offish. After all he was just ripped away from his new home and lost his "Queen". He's likely feeling disjointed, scared and a bit lonely without "Her" voice to bring him comfort. It'll be up to Tav to replace the Absolute's voice with their own. Not only that, but Tav could give Kar'niss healthy love and attention, help break through those years of abuse and build his confidence. It would be slow going because he has so little self worth and trust.

Then there is the matter of him being a drider. I don't think Kar'niss would want to stay in that shape, he likely longs to be a full drow again. That begs the question, does Tav find a way to transform him back or let him stay a drider? Since Tav controls the narrative it'll be up to them on if he switches back. To my knowledge the only way to undo a drider transformation is a wish spell which does exist in the BG3 universe. There could be other ways if Larian wanted to keep it simple but assuming Tav somehow finds someone with a spare wish spell then perhaps that is how he is changed back.

At the end, if Tav works toward this goal, Kar'niss would find more of his own voice. His confidence would grow and he'd learn to stand on his own rather than mindlessly following others at the drop of a hat. He'd be able to think critically and make choices not influenced by whispers in his ear. In other words, he'll -choose- to stay with Tav rather than feel he's obligated to. I don't think his mind will ever fully heal, it's taken too much damage to come back from the torture he's been through. Tav helps keep him grounded though, working with his short comings rather than against it. If Tav romances him then Kar'niss laments in the final cutscene: "When you found us--me, I was in a fog. My body moved as if controlled by magic, but I was not the one commanding it to do so. From the Underdark to Moonrise I played a pawn for the sake of someone else's power. I thought I was doing the right thing, I believed it in the very depths of my heart. They would've condemned me to death and, mind controlled as I was, I would've marched into the sword with my head held high. Not only do I owe my life, I owe my very mind to your aid. I was nearly forever lost, thank you for seeing more in me than an irredeemable monster. I want to remain by your side anywhere the winds take us. I love you."

Bad Ending: While not requested I figured I’d write it up for the sake of curiosity. It starts very similarly except Tav uses their tadpole to overwhelm Kar'niss with authority. Tav may even convince Kar'niss that they are the physical embodiment of the Absolute to keep his compliance throughout. Kar’niss is more agreeable at the start due to this, devout and eagerly awaiting commands. The more Tav chooses to cater to his psychosis rather than break him from it he becomes even more unhinged overtime. There may even be exchanges where Kar’niss seems to talk to himself and ignore Tav completely from time to time. He’s lost to the voices in his mind and the fervent beliefs that have followed him for sometime. When he does have moments of clarity his focus is on doing the Absolute’s will. It’s an obsession and he seems to want to talk about little else. Tav could romance Kar’niss during this time but something may feel off about the interaction. Kar’niss will worship Tav, do anything that is asked, but there is a sense that he is doing so out of blind devotion rather than true affection. It’s empty. His love is tainted by a belief and trust born from deception.

As their journey nears its end, Kar’niss’ mental state has declined to a point where his speech breaks in the middle of conversations. He may zone out and some of his party interactions out in the wild could cease altogether. He’ll refer to Tav as “Majesty” and little else. The perfect obedient pet. Assuming Tav goes with the ending to destroy the Absolute then that fogs up Kar’niss’ fate a bit. I don’t think the other endings allow a romance cutscene to play at the end but I could be wrong. I haven’t tackled them all just yet so I’ll stick with the tadpole annihilation ending here. Even though the tadpoles are gone Kar’niss’ mind is well and truly fucked. Any sense of self has been all but destroyed, leaving nothing behind but a temperamental fanatic in a worse state than Tav found him in. Any use of the word ‘I’ to refer to himself has dropped from his speech completely.

“Majesty, w-we survived. Have we done well? Our devotion is unending for you. Tell us where we shall go and it will be done. We have never known such bliss, such comfort. Our pledge to you will never falter so long as we still draw breath. You need more followers, an army fit for a God/Goddess, and we will provide it Majesty. Just...don’t forget about us. We are still your favorite, yes we are...no one else can love you like us. NO ONE ELSE! Our love for you knows no limits, we will give you everything you desire. We are ready to march by your side, to the ends of the world.”

These are just two of MANY possible outcomes for poor Kar’niss. I think Larian would make his bad ending tenfold worse than I could ever conceive and that will haunt my nightmares for sometime.

Sorry this is so long, my mind wouldn’t shut up. I hope this answers your question. Thanks for the ask!

[grendel-menz]

your art about psychosis really speaks to me, im not in it now, but its an old companion of mine, thank you for being honest about it

Thank you so much :,)

I hope your life is going well!

[creatively-ill]

My hospital boy! Little hospital man!

I baby him as a joke :)

Anyway this is Rainbow, my dr. Seuss stuffy will I got when I was three years old after I was tested for epilepsy in the hospital, I will bring him back to the hospital with me and this is a threat :)

Baby man

(He’s fine)

[crescent-dreams]

Soulmates

Soulmates, Red String of Fate, Twin Flames, it goes by many names, but in the end, they're meant to be together.

Defiance by Sereia13/@sereia1313

Explicit | Feudal Era AU | Complete Summary: Curiosity led her to him, obligation would drive her away; and Kagome would soon learn that there is more to 'fate' than just falling in line.

Marked by SageMcMae/@sagemcmae

Mature | Modern Era AU | Complete Summary: Sesshomaru has no interest in his brother's tutor. She clouds his mind and makes him uneasy. He would prefer to be left alone. But when she shows up with magenta stripes on her wrists, he is forced to confront an undeniable truth about Kagome Higurashi: She's his sole mate.

Nice to Meet You Again by SageMcMae/@sagemcmae

Teen | Feudal/Modern Era AU | Complete Summary: Kagome wakes from dreaming with an ache in her heart and tears on her face. It’s a strange sensation that haunts her. Each year, the yearning grows stronger. She constantly feels as though she’s forgetting something. Or someone.

Psychosis by Mynameis_human (Ao3)

Mature | Feudal/Modern Era AU | Complete Summary: In a tragic moment, all Kagome has is gone, and when she awakens from her injuries, she's in the world she'd left behind. Her parents say it's all in her head, that she's ill like her grandfather was. So why does she have Sesshomaru's mark on her skin? And how will she ever find her way back to him?

The Red String Theory by Mynameis_human (Ao3)

Mature | Feudal Era Canon | Complete Summary: Sesshomaru and Kagome are on the hunt for a sorceress who can provide them with a remedy to cure Rin and Shippo of a mysterious ailment. The price? A palm-reading. Doesn't sound so bad, right? But, what if that palm-reading changes everything Kagome thought she knew? And, how in the world is she supposed to tell Sesshomaru the truth of what she's learned?

Rose Clippings by Sereia13/@sereia1313

Mature | Feudal Era AU | Complete Summary: Kagome and Kagura live with their mother in a woodland cottage, free from the grime of the large city, so when a knock is heard at their door in the dead of winter, they can't imagine who it could be. Or how their visitor will change their lives forever.

Severed Bonds by Rimpcc110511 (FFnet)

Mature | Feudal Era Canon | Complete Summary: In a world where your soulbond's name is written on the inside of your wrist, all anyone could do was hope that they meet the one made specially for them. When Kagome and Sesshomaru meet, things do not go according to plan. Soon, Sesshomaru learns from his mistakes, and he will have to fight to earn his redemption, all while war follows them only a few paces behind.

Silver & Gold by SageMcMae/@sagemcmae

Mature | Modern Era Canon | Complete Summary: Kagome finds a wounded stray in the park and takes him in. Seemingly indifferent to her, the dog serves as a quiet companion who eases her loneliness. He becomes a constant in her routine until one night changes everything. Kagome wakes up to an arm draped around her waist—a pale arm with purple markings.

Soul Mates by Mythicamagic/@mythicamagic

Explicit | Feudal Era Canon | Complete Summary: Soulmates share pain. Kagome feels Sesshoumaru’s arm being cleaved off as though it's her own. He in turn feels the moment when a piece of her soul is ripped out. As soul mates they want nothing to do with each other, but some aches and pains are too difficult to ignore.

Tethered by SageMcMae/@sagemcmae

Mature | Feudal Era Canon | Complete Summary: There’s a cry coming from the mountains. No one hears it except Kagome so she decides to investigate. The only thing more surprising than who is making the sound is the reason why.

Tied to You by Sereia13/@sereia1313

Mature | Feudal Era Canon | Complete Summary: Kagome agrees to help Shippou with a school assignment, unaware it will change her fate forever.

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