#ptsd manifesting as depression

[yellowocaballero]

so what did u think of sung jinwoo's soulmate, smell girl

[SAD ANONS LOOK AWAY THIS WILL BURN YOUR EYES. LOOK I'M NOT TAGGING ANYTHING. YIPEE.]

Lmfaooooo.

I've read enough webtoons & manwha to recognize how incredible the female characters in orv are. Not just for webtoons, because the bar is on the floor there, but really in general. I feel like I'm 12 again watching Fullmetal Alchemist as my first real anime and then getting confused when everything else isn't Fullmetal Alchemist.

It's so funny. Every single male character is incredibly badass and super cool and muscular and testosterone filled. Which is a genre staple and which is pretty fun, when this is just a world where everybody is like this. I love reading insane people be insane. But the women should be insane too. Why are the guys nutjobs and the girls dainty and blushy and normal. MC was murdering demons without abandon, except for when he sees a demon that looks like a hot girl, at which point he's discovered chivalry. I'm reading this because this guy's nutso, dammit, be consistent with the nutso. When everybody's insane, nobody's insane. When everybody's insane but the women are cute, suddenly a lot of people in your world are weirdly nuts?

I swear, smell girl has some cool dainty fighting moments and every other time we see her she's blushy and shy. Our only other female actual character quits her job because she's too scared. I think the handkerchief thing is an interesting character quirk but it doesn't really feed into her character traits or is built into who she is. I'm only halfway through so MC & her aren't together yet, but part of the interesting thing for me about the MC is that he's beyond viewing people as people or the world as real. The world is flat and meaningless to him. You can tell he just looks through people. I think showcasing his inability to have a relationship that he may have been capable of before the system would be a good way of displaying that. Maybe they do? I hope they do!

This post is genuinely pretty negative but the female characters disappointed me a lot, especially her. She's our only main 'badass' female character and all she does is blush when she sees MC. C'mon now. Treat your women like you treat your men.

[nightsprung]

the best way for me to describe mr. scratch to ppl who know nothing abt him is that he's that annoying fucking voice in your head whenever you're having a depressive episode urging on your intrusive thoughts

[omohole]

i really need to get a new therapist

[olivianyx]

A FEW UPDATES ON MY JOURNEY 🎀

Sooooo there's still more I've manifested!

🎀 money, money, money, must be funny in a rich mans world~ lmaoo just more and more money everyday!

🎀 I stopped listening to subliminals for a while and I saw major results like my hair growing over an inch, my lashes getting longer and prettier, my weight going down, and I grew an inch again y'all ��� I'm 173cm rn 😩 I wanna be tall as my boyfriend gojo hehe 🦋🦋 but not exactly tall as him but a lil shorter lol then I can't wear heels 😭 or my boy be looking like my son instead of my bf lmaoo

🎀 minimalist skincare products!

🎀 my skin tone lightening up a bit 🍃 like I didn't notice it until my family members and peers complimented me.

🎀 my grades going high again!

🎀 okay this one's a bit personal, but lemme get this straight. I mentioned in my last success story post that I got closer to crush... When in fact I wasn't even in love with her 😭 that was just admiration, not love. I realised my worth, and I stopped putting efforts, now the ship has sunk. She isn't bothered anymore, and me too since I was the only one obsessed. No offence but she wasn't worth my time. So I decided to spend it on satoru instead 🎀🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

🎀 my parents becoming more lenient nowadays 🙌

🎀 I've been getting more free foods and snacks! People love to hang out more with me! 🤍

🎀 my singing skills improving! I wanted to sound like lana, it's not exactly like hers but I'm getting there!

🎀 there's still more I'm just lazy to type lol

MY RESPAWN JOURNEY

So I haven't yet respawned yet since I'm too attached to this reality. I'm still scripting a custom dr that I wanna respawn and also my jjk dr too. So when I finish (idk myself when I'm gonna finish lol) I will surely respawn.

But don't worry! This account will be run by another consciousness that I replace. I know I manifested stuffs here, I enjoy and all, but deep deep down I realised that I never wanna be here. I belong to the lands somewhere far away, not in this city 😭 I'm just too attached to this reality that's making me feel guilty to leave.

I'm working on it tho. I mean I deserve everything, why would I feel guilty for having what I want, right? I've encountered the worst traumas and situations here, yet something inside me is telling me not to leave this reality, while also feeling that I don't deserve to be here, and somewhere better where I have everything I want.

I remember bawling my eyes out cus I don't wanna be here anymore, yet feeling guilty to leave. Everyone has a journey, so do I. I know this ain't gonna be longer and ik it's already done, I'll respawn once my script is done. Keeping this in my mind, I'm spending my last few days here being happy and I'm doing everything I want so I don't feel something irrelevant while I leave. I wanna leave this place in peace.

With that being said, y'all deserve everything too! Don't hold yourself back, sometimes the ego holds us back, but don't let it take control and keep going! You're the God of your reality. So why not take that chance and stop being lazy? I mean it's the life of your dreams and some of y'all aren't even putting 0.000000001% effort? It's not the physical effort but the mental work, everything is the mental work and you don't even need to lift a finger. I mean it's not that hard focusing on your 4d. I agree for some people that have mental health issues like adhd, aphantasia, anxiety, and all. Even I had them too! I had avpd, anxiety, low self esteem, depression, maladaptive daydreaming, and ptsd, but still I did it while staying with a toxic narcissistic family that cares only about themselves! They who were constantly nagging me every 5 mins, now are quiet and unbothered. Why? Because I changed the version of me who was thinking that they were toxic, and I assumed they were lenient, and now they are. Honey, it's not hard at all. You're making it hard for yourself. So just stop with the bullshit and go live your dream life!

- Olivia 🎀

[bbcphile]

Mysterious Lotus Casebook and Complex PTSD Representations: Part I

One of my favorite things about Mysterious Lotus Casebook is how surprisingly nuanced and unusual its portrayal of complex PTSD is. So many shows either introduce character trauma to make the character Sad and Brooding, Angry and Violent (if they’re a villain) or Hesitant to Start a Relationship (if it’s a romance), and that’s usually as in-depth as it gets. If they address the unique after effects of child abuse that lead to complex PTSD at all, it’s usually either explain why a character is a homicidal monster (which is all sorts of problematic) or it’s limited to a single phobia, which can be overcome by the Power of Love, or it’s just something that crops up occasionally for Plot and then forgotten about the rest of the time. 

Mysterious Lotus Casebook gives us two deeply traumatized characters–Li Lianhua and Di Feisheng–who each have clear symptoms of complex PTSD, and yet, their cPTSD manifests completely differently because of the types of traumas that caused it and their relationships to the people causing the traumas. And their manifestations of cPTSD affect just about every level of their being, including their sense of self, their decision-making, and their relationships with others, and it includes some of the incredibly important manifestations of cPTSD that are almost never shown in media while avoiding the most insulting stereotypes! 

PTSD vs cPTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is an anxiety disorder caused by experiencing a single (or short lived) traumatic event (an accident, assault, medical emergency, fighting in a war, etc), where the symptoms last for longer than a month. Symptoms include things like reexperiencing the event (flashbacks), avoidance (of things related to the event), changes in mood (depression, anger, fear, etc), and issues with emotional regulation (hypervigilance–being constantly on the lookout for threats–irritability/angry outbursts, etc.).

Complex PTSD happens if someone has experienced long term, chronic/repeated trauma that induces hopelessness and no chance of escape (survivors of extended child abuse, human trafficking, domestic violence, prisoners of war, slavery, etc.). It’s also often interpersonal in ways a car crash or medical emergency is not, and is particularly linked with chronic trauma during childhood: chronic stress hormones introduce literal physical changes in a growing brain, particularly the amygdala (which processes fear), hippocampus (which is responsible for learning/memory), and the prefrontal cortex (which is responsible for executive function), so it can affect every aspect of life and also affect a child’s progression through developmental stages. In addition to these physical changes to the brain, the prolonged trauma–particularly the helplessness–distorts a child’s sense of self, the perpetrator, and the world in ways that alter their decision making, their memory, and their future relationships. 

For instance, whereas a traumatic event that caused PTSD might make you depressed or not trust the person who harmed you (or to fear driving), the trauma from cPTSD might make you suicidal, blame yourself for your victimization, decide to isolate to avoid interpersonal relationships to keep from getting hurt, or become obsessed with never being harmed again.

Basically, cPTSD has the core symptoms from PTSD with some extra challenges, including issues with emotional regulation, self-concept, interruptions in consciousness, difficulties with relationships, perceptions of the perpetrator, and systems of meaning.

DFS and LLH: CPTSD Symptoms

There’s so much more to say about this than I can cover in this superficial introduction, so this will be the first of a series of metas; I’m hoping to go into more depth about some of these categories in future posts (the DFS and emotional regulation/violence one is already drafted, so stay tuned). 

Difficulties with Relationships (problems with trust, communication, missing red flags): Both DFS and LLH have a history of trusting the wrong people and not trusting the right people, both in the past and in the present of the show: in the past, LLH missed the fact that SGD hated him and DFS missed the fact that JLQ was obsessed with him, and as a result, both sects were destroyed, many people died, and the two almost destroyed each other. If they had communicated with each other instead of fighting at the donghai battle, they might have realized they were being set up and could have worked together, but their difficulties with trust after perceived betrayal made that impossible for them. They both have a history of overlooking red flags in the present–DFS in particular, keeping the red-flag-personified-JLQ around despite her history of poisoning people, including himself–and they both tend to struggle with relationships in the present: LLH runs away from and/or drugs the people who care about him, and DFS sends endless mixed messages by not telling Li Lianhua most of his plans to help him. 

Self-Concept (Self-hatred and self-fragmentation): Li Lianhua is basically the poster child for having a negative self concept: he has an overdeveloped sense of self-blame and responsibility, even believing he deserves to die for leading his men to their deaths, and once he learns he was manipulated and SGD was behind it all, he seems to think it’s his own fault that he was manipulated, lied to, and abused. His self-loathing is so extreme that he imagines his earlier self, Li Xiangyi, to have died, and tries as much as possible to be nothing like that earlier persona. His repeated insistence that Li Xiangyi and Li Lianhua are NOT the same person is reminiscent of the fragmentary sense of self that comes with more extreme trauma, like Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Other-Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD), where traumatic experiences are so painful that people form different alters, or differentiated self-states, that can have different names and skills and memories and identities. 

Di Feisheng doesn’t have the self-hatred or guilt that LLH does, and it seems like he tries to skip over questions of self worth, blame, or hatred by focusing exclusively on staying true to his code of ethics he’s developed for himself and focusing on gaining the strength necessary to fight for his freedom from mind control and the Di Fortress. But even though he’s kept his Di name, kept his goals the same since escaping Di Fortress, and hasn’t tried to separate himself from his trauma the way LLH did with LXY, he’s even more willing than LLH to take on different identities: it’s literally one of his martial arts skills. The Bone Constriction Skill lets him become someone else for a time, whether that’s a child or Shi Hun. It fits well with his willingness to be whoever he needs to be to accomplish his goals: he’s perfectly willing to be seen as a heartless villain if it lets him protect LLH, and he’s willing to flirt with and pretend to be jealous of JLQ to get information from her, and he’s willing to be LLH’s a-Fei, both with and without his memories.

Interruptions in Consciousness (Amnesia and nightmares for Everyone): LLH and DFS both have nightmares and flashbacks/memories of traumatic events, and as mentioned above, both have interesting hints of having fragmented/fluid senses of self. They both also dissociate, or separate themselves from the present when dealing with traumatic things:  LLH spaces out and gets stuck in his past memories about SGD when talking to FDB after burying SGD, and DFS dissociates from physical pain so as not to make noise both after he’s been stabbed and poisoned with Wuxin Huai and again when JLQ is torturing him in her water dungeon.

They both also have dissociative amnesia that takes away trauma memories, although one is from a poisonous incense plus the magic of qi macgyvering:  LLH forgot the existence of his older brother who died in front of him, and DFS as a-Fei had just about all of his memories (except a few of killing as a child) taken away. Amnesia is a huge part of cPTSD, because it’s the brain’s way of trying to protect you from truths that you might not survive. It can manifest as blocking out one single traumatic event, a bunch of thematically or temporally linked traumatic events, a skill set related to the trauma, or, in the case of something like DID or OSDD, just about everything. It’s endlessly fascinating to me that the show gives us one example of definite traumatic amnesia through LLH, and then seems to almost transform the experience of having DID and being a new part and finding yourself with a new name and very little else into an exaggerated fantasy setting (interestingly, people often report experiencing debilitating headaches when they try to regain memories behind the amnesia barrier). I doubt this is what they were actually going for, since DID is almost universally portrayed incorrectly and offensively in media (one of the alters is almost always portrayed as a serial killer, but that’s a rant for another day), but the different names and the presence of amnesia with LLH made it a fascinating enough parallel that I had to mention it.

 Problems with Emotional Regulation (Lashing in vs. lashing out): Li Xiangyi and Di Feisheng are polar opposites when it comes to struggles with emotional regulation: whereas LXY turns his anger inward, directing it all toward self-hate in what’s often called a “toxic shame spiral,” both after the donghai battle and after he finds out about SGD’s role in his shifu’s death, DFS lashes out physically at those who have harmed him, usually via choking people, although he is usually exerting an impressive amount of control over his emotions and strength. To put in perspective just how different their emotional strategies are and how much effort DFS puts into emotional regulation, compare how much more calm he is than LLH during any revelation of past betrayal or painful information, any scene where they confront the people who have abused them, or any scene where they learn they’ve been wrong about something big; LLH is most likely having an emotional flashback (re-experiencing the emotions from the earlier traumas) and DFS is probably compartmentalizing them or dissociating from them to process later/never so he can stay semi-functional and not show a potential opponent a weak spot. 

NOTE: This means that DFS is loooong overdue for a very dramatic breakdown when it eventually all catches up to him and he can’t distract himself from it anymore.

Perceptions of Perpetrators: In this way only, Di Feisheng has one advantage: he knows the head of Di Fortress is a cruel, abusive tyrant. While he clearly still fears him, even as a physically strong adult (he has nightmares, flashbacks, and dedicates his life to being free from him, which means he still to some extent feels young, small, and helpless when he thinks of him), DFS knows that he hates him and wants to be free of him. This is probably part of why he’s spared some of the self-hatred LLH experiences: he knows he didn’t deserve the abuse because seeing it happen to other children means he knows the abuse wasn’t a personal reflection on him. It does, however, motivate him to want to be stronger and invulnerable so as to never be helpless again, and that obsession is what drives him to have a single-minded focus on reaching the pinnacle of the jianghu.  

It’s so much more complicated for Li Lianhua (and for a more detailed analysis, check out this meta): the childhood perpetrators were manifold–a slew of bandits, whichever children and adults on the street would abuse him for existing and being poor–it probably felt like life itself was to blame. It’s no wonder that when his shifu and shiniang took him in, they were the ultimate rescuers whom he hero-worshipped, so when he felt he made a mistake and his life fell apart, he blamed himself: at least there would be someone to blame that way and something he could do about it (try to kill his past self and hate everything about him). It’s also very telling that LLH doesn’t blame JLQ or YBQ all that much when he learns they poisoned him, and that he’s more angry that SGD murdered their shifu than he is that SGD set him up, hated him, and was the real mastermind behind everything he had blamed himself for; he struggles to stay angry at people who harm him, and would rather blame and hate himself for being tricked than hate the person who tricked him. So, whereas DFS tries to destroy the people who abused him, LLH tries to destroy himself.

If you read this far, thanks! I’m probably going to be posting the DFS and emotional regulation/violence against perpetrator meta next, because it’s drafted, but if there are any of these you desperately want me to talk about more sooner rather than later, let me know! :D 

[cartoonsofthecosmos]

I am so appreciative of For the Future showing Hunter’s trauma manifesting itself as anger. I feel like the most common way to show a character reacting to a traumatic event is by having them act shocked, withdrawn, depressed, etc., but PTSD can manifest itself in so many other emotions besides those. Anger, not just at those who wronged you but everything and everyone around you, is a post-traumatic emotion that is real and is experienced by lots of people but isn’t one I really ever see represented. Once again, The Owl House has succeeded in properly portraying a complex emotion in a way that makes me feel seen and validated.

[lotanxiety]

You’re not alone

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean and Sam notice you aren’t taking good care of yourself and they are worried about you. Dean talks you through it and offers support.

Warnings: mentions of ED, SH, and depression, this has some seriously heavy shit so if this triggers you PLS don’t read, fluff with dean

——————————————————

You have lived in the bunker with the boys for 3 years. Lately, your mental health has been really bad, but you were trying to hide it from Sam and Dean. With everything they dealt with on a daily basis, the last thing you wanted them to worry about was you.

It all started 4 months ago when you started having nightmares and flashbacks of the times you almost died. You were pretty sure you had PTSD, but with your lifestyle, therapy wasn’t really an option. You grew up with abusive parents which didn’t help with the accumulating trauma. The body keeps score and it seemed to all be catching up with you now. First, it was the nightmares, then the dissociating. The only times you felt alive were when you would fight monsters which led to your newest bad habit.

Whenever you didn’t feel real or got angry with yourself for whatever reason, you would take it out on your hips. It was something you could control. It reminded you that you’re real and it’s served as a punishment when you felt you deserved it. Seeing the red lines across your hips made you happy when everything else seemed grey.

As if it couldn’t get any worse, it was increasingly more difficult to get out of bed each morning. You would forget basic human necessities like eating, drinking, or bathing. You were able to hide your struggles before, but now it’s becoming noticeable. On the days the boys were home, you would fake it the best you could so they wouldn’t pick up on anything wrong, but not anymore. Maybe you want someone to notice. Maybe you finally want to be saved and cared for the way you save others.

———————-

*around noon*

“Hey, have you seen Y/N?” Dean asked Sam walking into the kitchen.

“No, I haven’t seen her all day.” Sam said. “Have you noticed.. she seems a little quiet lately. I also noticed she’s been having more nightmares lately.”

“I noticed that too, I can hear her scream out sometimes. I mean we all get nightmares, but these seem bad. Have you not talked to her about it at all?” Dean questioned.

“No, I thought you would’ve mentioned it.” Sam said.

“Dude, she’s obviously going through something and neither of us have checked up on her? Way to go.” Dean scoffed as he headed in the direction of your room.

—————————

You were laying on your bed, staring at the wall thinking of all the ways you have messed up lately. The last hunt you were out on, you made a mistake that almost got Sammy killed. Now, you opt to stay back and reference the lore. You replayed every mistake over and over in your head. Suddenly a knock interrupts your ‘greatest hits’.

You clear your throat, “um, who is it?” you ask.

“It’s Dean, can i come in.”

You look around to the mess of your room, random items taking up space on your bed with you. Suddenly, you become embarrassed and ashamed. “I- uh, do you need something?” You shout to the man on the other side of the door.

“I haven’t seen you all day, I just wanted to check up on you. Are you feeling okay?” Dean asks with concern.

*coughing loudly* “No I think I’ve come down with something, you should stay away.” You say, trying to sound sickly.

“Oh, ok. I can bring you some soup if you like” Dean asks, knowing you’re lying but trying to get through to you.

“I’m not hungry, thanks though” You say, pushing any kind of help away. You didn’t understand why you do this. You want help but then it comes and you resist at all costs. Maybe because this mess you’re feeling is comfortable, familiar. You’ve always been messed up, but now it’s just manifesting on the outside. When it was bottled up, it was easy to hide from everyone, but this is much harder and every lie you tell drains you more and more.

“You need to eat” Dean contested.

“I said no, now can you please go” The words felt like knives being thrown at the closed door. You didn’t mean to be so aggressive, but Deans pushing set off a nerve. Immediately you felt bad, but knew you couldn’t look at his face so you sat still in your bed as you heard hushed footsteps fade away. Feeling hot tears burn in your eyes, you walked over to your bathroom, and grabbed your razor. Anger towards yourself coursed through your veins, into your hands, as you unleashed hell onto your body. Saying to yourself, “You deserve this for being mean to Dean, he was just trying to be nice. He doesn’t deserve that. What’s wrong with you, etc.”

When you’re satisfied, your hips are stained red. You clean up and go back to laying in your bed, as you cry yourself to sleep.

——————-

That evening

“I don’t know Sammy, I think there’s something really wrong. Earlier- the way she spoke to me. It wasn’t her. I need to talk to her, to see her face, but she keeps pushing me away. I don’t know what to do. I’m worried… I’m worried it’s worse than just nightmares.” Dean confides to his brother.

“Yeah, I’m worried too. Maybe we can set up a movie night in the Dean cave and coax her out of her room. I think having some quality time, not worried about monsters could help.” Sam suggested.

“Okay, yeah. You run to the store and get some supplies and I’ll break out blankets and pillows. Meet back here in 30.” Dean says hopeful. He hated knowing that you were upset, but he wanted this to help so badly. He worked hard at getting his Dean cave set up perfectly. He even made a blanket fort. Once Sam and Dean finished setting everything up, the came to knock on your door.

You had just woken up from your restless nap. Unfortunately, the day wasn’t even over so you were back to laying in misery. You heard another knock on your door.

“Hey uh, we need your help in the Dean cave” Dean said from behind the door, you could almost hear the smile in his voice even though you couldn’t see him. While most other times you would decline, your curiosity got the best of you.

“Uhh okay, let me use the bathroom and I’ll be right there.” You said, getting up from your bed, ignoring the terrible headache. It stemmed from a combination of lack of food, water, good sleep, and crying so much. You looked in the mirror, repulsed by the face staring back at you, so you got to work making yourself as presentable as possible. After a much need brush through your hair (and teeth), a change of clothes, and some light makeup, you felt okay enough to make your public appearance. You left your bedroom, quickly shutting the door behind you to hide the mess, and headed towards the Dean cave.

When Dean and Sam laid their eyes on you for the first time in days, their mouths dropped. You looked awful. Bags under your eyes and barely skin and bone. You were always skinny, but this- this was bad. Both of the brothers concern immediately sky rocketed, but being as smart as they are, they knew to play it off. They knew if they outright said anything, you’d get defensive and shut down. So they quickly glanced at each other and greeted you like any other day. You were too busy looking at the scene in front of you to notice the boys faces.

“What- what is all this” you say surveying the room in awe.

“We thought you could use a little pick me up movie night.” Sam said with a soft smile on his face. Dean turned away from you to face the tv. It was too hard to look at you. He blamed himself for not checking on you sooner. For not immediately knowing there was something deeper going on. The cases had distracted him from the problem right under his nose and he was so angry at himself. You instantly noticed the change in his demeanor, making you uneasy. You thought he was still mad at you for the way you spoke to him earlier in the day. You made a mental note to apologize later. Sam opened up the blanket to let you sit beside him and so you did. In front of you, there was a whole display of food. Burgers, fries, popcorn, candy, you name it. The sight instantly made you nauseous.

You thought that you didn’t deserve food. Your mind = your greatest enemy. You pretended not to notice the food and encouraged them to start the movie. It was Alice In Wonderland- your favorite childhood movie you let slip one night with Dean after a beer too many. You glance across Sam to Dean who is staring at the TV but not actually watching. Sam nudges some fries in your direction, to which you shake your head.

“No thanks” you whisper over the beginning scene of the movie.

“Cmon Y/N, you haven’t eaten all day.” Sam said.

“Oh no, I had some granola bars in my room. I’ve been snacking on those-“ You lied.

“No you haven’t” Dean said finally speaking to you.

“What-“ you say looking at him confused, trying to play this off quickly.

“I’m not sure you’ve eaten anything in days” Dean starts.

“Dean-“ Sam interjects, trying to keep his brother from pushing you away.

“No, Sammy. She’s sick. Look at her.” Dean states.

Immediately, tears well up in your eyes. You knew you didn’t look your best but hearing Dean say that. It was too much. You wanted to head straight to your room to cut again, but Dean wasn’t finished talking.

“Y/N, I can’t walk on eggshells about this- you look terrible. What is going on?” Dean says in a much softer tone than before, his anger fading into worry.

“Nothings… going on.” you say.

“That’s not true and we all know it, can you just talk to us?” Sam asks.

Suddenly, that defense mechanism hits you strong and you attack the boys you love more than anything. You can’t help it. “I SAID I’M FINE. WOULD YOU BOTH JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND GO BACK TO WORRYING ABOUT MONSTERS OR WHATEVER” you shout, exiting the room and heading straight for your bedroom.

You close the door behind you, still crying. The scene that just played out was one of your worst nightmares and partially why you have started staying locked in your room. You beeline for the bathroom to pick up the razor for a second time that day. You roll down your pants to the hidden canvas. Right before you can move, Dean bursts through your door.

You both freeze. Time stops for a couple seconds. Every mirage and illusion you’ve built over the past few months is shattered. The ugly, dirty truth is exposed. Your walls crumble to the ground. You refuse to lift your eyes from the ground as he approaches you. He takes the razor from your hands without saying a word and throws it to the other side of the bathroom and grabs you into his arms. You both crash to the floor, as you sob into chest. Dean hold you patiently while you let it all out. Everything you’ve been holding inside. There are a million thoughts going through Dean’s head, questions he has, but his main objective is just to be there for you. You needed him, and he wasn’t there. All the warning signs, ignored. He secretly blamed himself for letting it get this bad.

You both sit in the floor of your bathroom for a while. Your sobs slowly turned into quiet hiccups for air. You nervously lifted off of his chest, anxiously awaiting the conversation to follow the events that have just transpired. You finally make eye contact with Dean, his eyes are glassy and red.

“I’m sorry Y/N” Dean said barely above a whisper dragging his hand over your hair to brush it out of your tear soaked face.

You open and close your mouth, not expecting his response. “What are you sorry for?” you ask confused.

“I- I wasn’t there for you. I mean I knew something was off, but- but this. This is all my fault.” Dean says moving his hand to hold your cheek, a singular tear falling down his right cheek.

“No, no this isn’t your fault at all. I- I don’t know what to say.” You say, feeling the weight of the situation.

“You don’t have to say anything. We are going to get you some help. You’re not alone in this. You have Sam. You have me. This- this work is hard and I know you’ve had it rough, but you can and will get through this.” Dean says, as more tears begin to fall from your eyes, though you thought you couldn’t cry anymore.

“I need you to get better. I need my Y/N. Can you do that for me?” Dean asks, gently stroking your cheek and wiping the tears as they fall. You nod.

That night, the three of you work on tidying up your room. Dean filled Sam in privately and he wanted to help you in anyway he could. You guys went back to the Dean cave after your room was clean, and ate dinner. Dean even drank water with you instead of his normal beer so you would be more inclined to drink it.

Finally, it was time for bed. Dean walked to your room with you. “I wish you would’ve told me what has been going on with you, but I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t” Dean said.

“You didn’t- I just didn’t want you to worry about me when you’ve got a whole world and billions of people to worry about.” You say in response.

“I will always worry about you first. I care about you Y/N. I am here for you no matter what.” Dean says firmly, pulling you in for a hug. His chin rests on your head as you two stand in an embrace mid hallway.

“Dean, could you maybe- um stay with me tonight?” You ask.

“Of course”

Dean grabs your hand and pulls you towards your bed. He strips down to his boxers and climbs in, holding a spot next to him for you. You curl up next to him, feeling the heat radiate off his body, comforting you. “Thank you” you whisper as you quickly drift off into a much needed, nightmare free, deep sleep. Dean leans over to kiss your head as he whispers, “I love you Y/N”.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Five Fics Friday: July 19/24

Happy Friday everyone!! It's been a long week, so let's settle in cozily and check out these fics on the radar this week! Enjoy!

RECENT MFLs

Responsible Adults by J_Baillier (M, 16,279 w., 9 Ch. || Post-S4, Family, Illness, Suicide, Grieving John, Fatherhood, Injury, Psychological Trauma, Angst, Guilt, Substance Abuse, Major Character Death) – After the events at Musgrave Hall, those affected are trying, and struggling, to move on with their lives. And life is hardly going to stop throwing new challenges at them.

The Scientist's Method by spacemutineer (T, 26,607 w., 7 Ch. || ACD / Granada Holmes Canon || Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt / Comfort, Time Loop, Blood / Injury, Doctor John, Developing Relationship, BAMF John, Temporary Character Death, Guilt, Drug Use / Addiction, Grief / Mourning, Friendship / Love) – Sherlock Holmes has always known the world through the straightforward lenses of evidence, logic, and reasoning. But when Watson is caught in a tragic preventable disaster, his trusted clear lines of reality start to shift and blur, and the scientist detective begins to piece together a grand discovery far beyond even his exceptional imagination. Detection is a way of learning and science is a way of knowing, but as Sherlock Holmes is about to realise, love is a way of understanding.

Tango Between Broken Hearts by curlyjohnlock (E, 38,333+ w., 10/25 Ch. || WiP || Post S4, Slow Romance, Slow Burn, BAMF John, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Grief / Mourning, Angst with Happy Ending, Gaslighting, Possessive Behaviour, Unhealthy Relationships, Heartbreak, Flashbacks, POV Alternating, Bearded John, Depression, Drunk John, Hurt John / Sherlock, Denial of Feeling, Miscommunication, PTSD, Drug Addiction / Abuse, Family Drama / Secrets, Christmas, Cuddling / Snuggling, Hand Jobs, Protective Greg, Parenthood) – Fate brought Sherlock and John together, but a terrible incident tore them apart. A decade can feel like an eternity when you're forcibly separated from the person you've been desperately in love with. Now that fate is giving them a second chance, unpleasant memories resurface, and the heartbreak they both share is taking more than just time to heal. Will they be able to overcome the past, or will a higher power keep them forever apart?

RECENT LOKIUS BOOKMARKS

Moribund by sticks_and_souls (T, 2,884 w., 1 Ch. || LOKI SERIES || S2 Deleted Scene, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Time Slipping, First Kiss, Making Out, Kissing, Time Looping, Heavy Angst) – Everyone keeps talking about how in all the infinite replays that Loki did, he would have taken time to make out with Mobius. So I manifested a version of that (with just a wee sprinkling of angst).

only looking for a little peace by RunnyYolk (M, 57,051 w., 5 Ch. || LOKI SERIES || Season 1 Divergence, Alternating POV, Developing Relationship, The Void, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Loki Variants, Flashbacks, Protective Loki, Protective Mobius, Action/Adventure, Referenced Torture, Canon-Typical Violence, Betrayals, Reunions, Grief/Mourning, Trust Issues, Self-Hatred, Jötunn Loki, Catharsis, Touch Starvation, Mutual Pining, First Kiss, Affection, Implied Sex, Jealous Loki, Love Confessions, Crying, Emotional First Kiss, Emotional Love Making, Arguments Leads to Kiss, Hugs) – "Nothing in politics is 'quite' peaceful." "Well, I did no worse than any of the politicians opposite me, I can assure you." "No, that's true," Mobius concedes. "And you did great, really excelled at the game. You laid all the groundwork to be a very successful president. Maybe you would've turned that into more, after a while." "Perhaps." Part 5 of where the edge began

[crazycatsiren]

"But neurodivergence/mental illnesses can also manifest physically..."

You think we don't know that? You realize, for many of us, our physical conditions are worsened by our mental conditions? That being mentally ill/neurodivergent on top of being physically disabled is one hell of a roller coaster ride from hell and back again? That becoming physically disabled after years of living with mental disabilities is just about the cruelest joke the universe can play on us?

Has it never occurred to you that it goes the other way, too? That physical illnesses also manifest mentally? Do you know how many physically disabled/chronically ill people with no prior histories of mental illnesses end up with anxiety, depression, PTSD, mood disorders, and to name a few more, after becoming disabled/ill?

[rynnthefangirl]

Thoughts on Aegon III, his character flaws, and his relationships with Viserys and Daenaera:

(Note: this is all just my personal headcanon and interpretations. You may disagree, and that’s totally fine. There’s a lot of leeway in how to read these characters given the lack of POV stories and info on the post-Regency years.)

So, first to be clear— I love, love, love Aegon III. He’s my favorite Targaryen, I think he is a good man and a good king, and I empathize with his situation a lot. But it’s interesting to consider the darker side of his relationships, and how his experiences in the Dance affect his ability to connect with others. He’s such a fascinating character, and while I like the fluff of his family dynamic (and think there was a lot of mutual love there, with his siblings, Daenaera, and his kids), I love all the rich angst there is to read into it as well.

So that being said, in my opinion Aegon’s greatest flaw (at least when it comes to his personal relationships) is his lack of consideration and understanding for the emotions of others. Not a lack of care— Aegon cares deeply and wishes for his loved ones to be safe and happy— but rather a failure to recognize others’ emotional needs. I think this results from Aegon drawing a false dichotomy between himself and others. Aegon suffers from PTSD and depression, but he lives in a world that lacks the support or even the terminology help him understand and process his mental health issues. As such, he considers himself to simply be a broken individual. He is broken, while others are whole. And so in Aegon’s mind, everyone else is far happier, more put together, and more resilient than he is. Which, to be fair, is not entirely inaccurate, but I think this manifests as Aegon assuming that what people appear to be on the surface is how they truly are. He never smiles unless he is happy— so anytime anyone smiles, he assumes they are happy. If he is struggling, he shows it, through retreating into himself, hiding in his chambers, anger, panic attacks, etc— so if someone isn’t showing such behaviors, he takes it to mean they aren’t struggling. Aegon may understand in his head that people can put on an appearance, but I think he still underestimates to what extent that can hide their true feelings.

As such, I think Aegon is a man who is not in tune with the needs of people around him. He is very much centered around himself and his own emotions. This can lead to him being very casually cold or cruel without realizing it. Of course, when it comes to people not in his inner circle, he simply does not care— he knew he was being rude in his dismissal of Torrhen Manderly, that he’s cold to the lords of his court, but their feelings don’t matter to him, as long as they do their duties to the realm. But I think this can also leak into the way he interacts with the people he does love and care for— his siblings, his wife, his children. Aegon does not wish to cause them any hurt, and is quick to apologize, take accountability, and attempt to do better if someone tells him that he did something to upset them. But that’s the thing — you have to tell him. Because Aegon oftentimes will not realize on his own.

While both Viserys and Daenaera understand this about Aegon, Viserys has a much easier time dealing with it. This is due both to their personalities but also how they are raised.

Viserys is a very practical and assertive man. During his time in Lys, he had to grow up fast in an attempt to earn the respect of the Rogarres and older wife Larra, who was a very judgemental young woman. He did not wish to be seen as a sullen or emotional child, but rather a proper mature husband. So he learned not to take things personally, to be very direct with his thoughts, and above all to not be needy. As such, he has an easy time applying these traits to his relationship with his brother. If Aegon does something that bothers him, he will simply tell him, and Aegon is pretty good about apologizing and at least temporarily changing his behavior. Knowing this, Viserys is not sensitive to Aegon’s unconscious cruelty or casual indifference, often time just brushing it off as Aegon’s nature and not something to be offended by.

Daenaera on the other hand, was taught since she was a little girl that it is her job to care for and support the king. As a woman, she is expected to do the emotional labor of her marriage. This isn’t an expectation that was placed upon her by Aegon, but rather by the sexist and patriarchal society in which she was raised. While all women in Westeros face such an expectation, this is especially true of a woman who was Queen since age 6. She also is naturally a more sensitive and gentle individual than her brother-in-law. As such, while Daenaera knows that the best way to deal with Aegon is to simply be direct and forcefully honest, she really struggles to do so. She has been taught to suppress her emotional needs and to not put such burdens on her lord husband. With another more emotionally intelligent husband, this may not have been such an issue. But Aegon being Aegon, will not pick up on or give thought to her needs, and Daenaera feels she should not bother him with them. This is the biggest divide in their marriage, and Daenaera often feels resentment towards Aegon for not being anywhere near as present and attentive towards her as she is towards him. She feels guilty for this as well, thinking it unfair of her to hold resentment towards Aegon when she has not properly communicated with him. She also sometimes feels selfish, since her own issues and traumas are so minor compared to Aegon’s. (To be clear, this is how Daenaera feels about herself thanks to the gender roles of her society, not how I feel about her).

(Though, one area where this isn't an issue is when it comes to intimacy-- as someone who is extremely touch averse himself, Aegon is very cognizant of any indication of discomfort from Daenaera).

The issue has been brought up to Aegon, demurely by Daenaera and more forcefully by Viserys. And for a time, Aegon does try to be more attentive to his wife’s emotions… but eventually falls back into his old ways. In truth, Aegon does not see why it is an issue— to him, if he upsets Daenaera or she wishes something from him, she need only tell him and he will oblige. Same with the others in his life. He feels it is difficult enough for him to deal with his own issues and emotions, and he cannot be expected to also constantly interpret and deal with those of everyone around him. (Aegon does not realize to what extent Daenaera has always done this for him).

Anyway, those are some of my thoughts. I think the relationship of these three is so interesting, because there is no "bad guy" in any of this. Everyone is coming from an understandable place, everyone is trying and cares for each other. But they are all victims of their circumstances and the society they live it. Aegon was put through horribly traumatic experiences and is left to try to deal with the mental effect this has had on him, with no real understanding or guidance. Daenaera was married off at age six, taught by her society to play the dutiful wife and put her husbands heavy emotional needs before her own without complaint. Viserys may deal well with being a source of support for Aegon, but he is not superman-- he's running the realm, trying to help his brother, raising his children, being the face of the Targaryen dynasty that everyone looks to, trying to save the dragons, being a source of support for Daenaera, keeping the lords of the realm in line, dealing with his own trauma and grief, juggling so many balls that one eventually is going to drop (spoiler: it's his children). These are three kids who were forced to grow up so fast, they've never been able to rely on the adults in their life, their only support and trust is each other. And maybe they don't always handle everything perfectly, but damn they are trying their best. They are always trying their best.

[yonfiendmaker]

Hazbin Hotel headcanons sorted by character

Charlie:

favorite color is "rainbow" (real answer is red)

autism, ocd, npd, codependent personality disorder

tail sometimes manifests solely for stimming purposes

growls when very excited like a dog

very keen sense of smell

horns manifest when turned on (something something horny)

in case this gets disproven im listing it here: her legs are furred

manifested her wings once around vaggie near the beginning of her relationship and it upset her, never did it again

can walk up 45° angle walls (goat hooves lol)

Vaggie:

hair is actually feathers

depression, gad, ptsd, bpd (charlie is her fp obv)

retractable claws that are naturally black

teeth are all flat, fangs only come out when angry

the scars from her initial casting from heaven remained even after she regained her wings

when regaining her wings she also got feathers that cover her chest and upper back

died via suicide and was drafted into the exorcist army simply because adam found her attractive and was completely surprised when she was able to learn to fight easily and quickly

her gloves and socks are to cover up self harm scars

feet are like a moth's, like angel she is self conscious about them

wings do not disappear or retract, they simply fold under her hair

will misjudge distance/placement of things due to lack of depth perception. extremely embarrassed when it happens

its difficult for her to read things from a distance, charlie will often read things to her

her and angel dust are exes, has lingering feelings which is part of the cause of her hostility towards him

coos like a pigeon when relaxed/content

Angel Dust:

homoflexible

depression, adhd, hypersexual (ofc)

any pronouns user

says he's cis but genuinely doesn't care what he's called

qpps with cherri bomb

random nosebleeds due to drug overuse

charlie will call him anthony when she's mad at him like a parent using your full name

his venom causes an intense high and multiple demons have drugged him so they can uhm. well the scientific term for getting venom from a spider is milking but im not saying it

very fidgety and feels anxious if he's not moving at all times

Sir Pentious:

had an interdental lisp and was a snake oil salesman in life, hence his snakelike appearance

pansexual

autistim, npd

tail is more eel-like than snake-like

as an angel, his hood doubles as wings; in his full angel form he gets additional pairs of wings and more eyes along his tail

buries every egg boi he loses

venomous bite that causes delirium and sometimes temporary paralysis

sheds his skin and leaves the empty skins around the hotel, doesn't realize it until he hears charlie scream upon finding it

his hat is in fact sentient but is an extension of him and can change forms (as opposed to all the hats he's shown wearing being individual headpieces)

Alastor:

deer tail .

acearo in the sense that he does not get pleasure from sex but rather from tormenting/torturing others

hated his ears and antlers at first, similar to husk he's accepted them but still doesn't like them

if you touch either he will launch you into the sky

ONLY wears all red

qpps with rosie

vox is his ex, he's long moved on but vox hasn't

his hands have claw fingers those are NOT gloves Fuck You

has hooves but his legs are not digitgrade like charlie's

he can feel and hear through his microphone

Husk:

depression, alcoholic (duh), bpd, ptsd

either hated cats or had a pet cat when he was alive that he killed while drunk

either way his discomfort with his demon form is obvious

full demon form is quadruped

acute senses except for sight

pretty much always at least tipsy

tail usually drags on the floor

really wants to perform his magic tricks to the hotel patrons but is afraid of being mocked

Niffty:

died eitherfrom mixing chemicals in a closed room or climbing into the chimney to clean it and ended up getting stuck

was a maid in life, probably killed someone but was able to dispose of the body so well she never got caught

heteroflexible

still thinks angel dust is a woman cause he never corrects her

[heavenlymorals]

do you think arthur had nightmares after the whole ordeal with the o’driscoll’s in chapter 3? you’ve said he’s rather stoic and since he doesn’t really talk about his feelings with anyone (except for that talk with mary-beth behind a wagon in ch2) i could imagine it manifesting (not sure i’m using the right word) in that way. what do you think?? xxx

Oh yeah, I headcanon Arthur to think about his experiences all the time. He lives a cruel and violent life, there is no way he WON'T think about. The fact that he journals all of it shows that he actively thinks about it. Of course, not all people who lived a violent lifestyle will be diagnosed with PTSD in the future or have the symptoms, but regardless it'll always become a part of their lives.

I doubt that Arthur is too traumatized by it though simply because of how desensitized he is to it all. Even just look at the way he writes about it. It's sarcastic and degrading of HIMSELF rather than the situation. To me, Arthur views himself getting tortured as just a risk that comes with the job. The only clue that we have that MIGHT tell us that he was thinking about it more than that is the fact that he gets a deer dream but we also know that the deer dreams pop up only when Arthur has to face the reality of what he is doing in the Outlaw life, not what the outlaw has done to him mentally and emotionally.

And the thing about stoicism is that it's not about being emotionless. It's about being able to control your REACTIONS to an emotion. Stoic people can feel joy, sadness, anger, fear, etc. etc. but what sets them apart from other people is that they actively or unconsciously suppress the full extent of their emotions. Either that or he picks and chooses which emotions to show to people. This can also be an 1800s masculinity thing where he's more comfortable expressing "masculine" emotions like anger rather than "feminine" emotions like fear even though both fear and anger are regarded as "negative" emotions. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but it's a real thing.

Just because Arthur is a rather stoic person does not mean he doesn't feel his fears or traumas. He does, he just doesn't "react" to them if that makes sense. Like for example, Arthur does NOT really mourn for Hosea in the way that normal people mourn their father. The most we got from him was anger, then a quiet sadness then nothing. But on the inside? He's hurting. That was his father. For Sean it was the same thing. Anger, a quiet sadness, and then nothing. And for Lenny as well. Anger, quiet sadness, and then nothing. But on the inside, WE KNOW he's hurting.

And again, he is more open with the girls, but he doesn't talk about his own fears or traumas. He only talks about himself in the sense of the things he's doing or have done or is happening to him, and how they make him feel depressed or sad but fears? Traumas? No.

The only time it happened is with Calderon. That's the only time we know for certain that Arthur is scared and there are many reasons why he feels more comfortable about speaking about his fears with Calderon instead of the gang members. It could be any of these reasons or all of them.

-She is an older woman.

-She is a woman of the cloth.

-The Christian mindset of the time.

-The fact that he doesn't really know her like he does the gang members so he's more loose with what he says and doesn't say because she's not a consistent figure in his life.

But overall? Arthur may feel fear or have traumas, but he's a stoic person in regards to that, so I highly doubt he's out there just breaking down every time something traumatic happens to him. There are so many interations of Arthur in fandom that has him be super sensitive and open to figures like Hosea or Dutch but the reality? He wouldn't be. He doesn't care to be.

Hope that answers your question, anon 🤭🫶🏼❤️

[verdemoun]

Do any of the gang members find out that they have any disorders/mental illnesses/etc. once they get timewarped and if so what are their reactions? Ranging from “oh, I though that was normal” to “NUH UH!”

timewarp was founded on the gang realising they have ptsd and kieran's autism being more obvious and worse in timewarp. but in detail

kieran is autistic

sean might have adhd but he doesn't actually have hyperactivity as a symptom. plot twist he just has that erratic trauma avoiding energy. it is a lot more masking severe c-ptsd and imposter syndrome that is his behind his exaggerated happy personality. see reform school lore

arthur is one of the few diagnosed he definitely had an acquired brain injury which while a physical injury manifests with mostly neurological symptoms. sometimes he gets confused or irritated for seemingly no reason, and this has been a thing since long before timewarp. the gang move on from joking about how dumb he is he does have an intellectual disability as part of his ABI. his response was very "oh I thought that was normal" and "bah i ain't need help".

the gang have subconsciously been aware of this long before they had the medical knowledge to understand it and are all pretty used to quickly explaining things or reminding arthur of stuff he forgets. lowkey consider this canon ever notice how the gang talk to arthur sometimes not entirely condescending but explaining things on his level eg sean being the one to point out the grays will definitely recognise him and he should hide in the wagon, grimshaw almost playfully reminding a grown man to wash because he straight up forgets, gentle reminders of what they're doing through heists even beyond game mechanics a lot of heist cut scenes are super repetitive like charles very much breaking down we're blowing a hole in the bank. take the spool and connect it to the detonator. the detonator is over there. it just feels like they know arthur isn't always entirely there and are v supportive. arthur is so curious and asks so many questions and the gang just roll with it and answer most of the time it feels so kind and positive.

arthur also definitely has adhd. hyper-fixates on new interesting thing for a month and then completely forgets everything he ever learned about it

almost the entire gang acknowledge they have ptsd/c-ptsd and varying levels of trauma as a response their lives/childhoods/relationships with parents/being a VDL. acknowledging it doesn't mean they do anything to move towards recovery because they are still mostly men raised with 19th century values who hang shit on each other for flinching at loud noises or being 'is someone shooting at us' alert

lenny and isaac as the most aware begging their friends/family to take their mental health seriously and are constantly met with 'lmao no' 'that's?? normal?? what do you mean' and 'NUH'. lenny cries 'please this is re-traumatising you are actively upsetting yourselves' while the gang go 'boo grow a pair' despite experiencing varying levels of anxiety attack in response to triggers.

john will only bring up 'hey stop making wolf jokes about me it is Actually a Trigger' to stop the gang bullying him. very genuine trigger and phobia of wolves and wolf-like dogs but still doesn't take it seriously himself

bill has recognized anger management issues and is in therapy. alcoholism is a definite concern. he's also just got a lot of internalised homophobia and complex feelings about the gang and his own childhood to unpack and learn how to articulate and express his feelings in a healthier way. only one of the adult gang who is actively trying to improve his mental health through therapy go king

the d in dsm-5 stands for dutch and he is thriving in in-patient care. not even the doctors know entirely what to diagnose him because he seems to have symptoms of everything but is responding best to medications traditionally used to support bi-polar

special acknowledgement to karen who is very very depressed but is a thriving with anti-depressants because trying to get the gang to go to actual psychologists and therapy is Hell. her and sean send each zoloft memes constantly

[llamagoddessofficial]

Do you consider any of your skeles to be neurodivergent? And if so, what flavor of neurospicy are they?

As someone who thought they were neurotypical until very recently (guess who was probably autistic this whole time) I'm always hesitant to put neurodivergent labels on my boys, simply because I don't want to end up misrepresenting a really serious issue. I've always believed that my characters are open to individual interpretation, and if you look at one of them and see yourself/your own neurodivergency reflected in them, the last thing you need is me clumsily rolling in and going UHMMM ACTUALLY THEY HAVE [insert completely incorrect view on mental illness] SORRY.

If you look at one of my skeles, and you see a particular neurodivergency that speaks to you, it's canon. Everyone's individual interpretation is canon. That's my rules. I'm definitely interested to see what people think!

That being said, if we're looking at my individual interpretation of my boys, I do have some thoughts.

Sans: I think we can all agree this man is depressed. There's no argument there. But as someone with two siblings and a parent that have ADHD I also see a lot of inattentive ADHD reflected in him. Though his ability to read people has made him pretty good at masking his main issues, others can't help but peek through- the executive dysfunction when it comes to "basic" chores and tasks that don't interest him, hyperfocusing on a particular subject and working himself into exhaustion on his 'projects'.

Red: To me, Red has anxiety. Anyone would after living in his world- his Pap probably does too. But since weakness cannot be tolerated, his anxiousness manifests as a more acceptable outlet in the form of aggression. Even when he's with people he trusts, he finds it hard to ever completely relax, constantly restless an 'on edge'. As soon as any of his fears begin to manifest, if he can't escape, he lashes out in seemingly over-the-top manners.

Skull: PTSD is a big one. And his relationship with food isn't exactly... stellar. But also given my sudden closeness to the subject of autism Skull does seem to fit an oddly large number of those criteria. Desiring safety in mundane routine above all else, getting upset if the routines are broken. Struggles with/fears social situations, loud spaces are overwhelming, he can come across as blunt and uncaring. Unless it's his loved ones he despises being touched- and when it is his loved ones he has difficulty registering what is and isn't 'normal' and displays his affection in ways that can seem bizarre and frightening in their intensity if you don't know him.

[rin-and-jade]

10 common types of comorbidity! System Edition:

ADHD - Creates attentive/focus/sensory issues, forgetfulness, hopping on many interests, possibly impulsive, have executive dysfunction and RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria)

Autism - Sensory issues, finds comfort from structure/routine, hyperfixation (which can contribute to many fictives), have alexithymia, general/personal safe foods and possibly use/appreciate direct responses.

GAD (anxiety) - Restless, tendency to overthink/over-prepare, physical discomfort (stomachache for e.g.), difficulty concentrating, possibly have catastrophic thinking, fatigue and persistent worrying.

PTSD - Experience flashbacks, hypervigilance, easily startled at unexpected sounds/movements, possibly have insomnia, trouble regulating emotions and or nightmares.

OCD - Intrusive/obsessive thoughts, compulsions and obsessions, experience different (depending on alter) intense fears and avoiding them, possibly preoccupied with control/organization/perfection.

BPD - Insecurity, self-doubt, low-esteem, difficulty maintaining relations, volatile mood swings, struggle with trust, possibly impulsive, unstable self image, empty, and fearing abandonment.

NPD - Trouble with empathy, need attention/admiration, sensitive to criticism/rejection, tendency to self grandiose and feel entitled, unstable relations, possibly have self-esteem and regulation issues

ED - Need for control, distorted body image, food avoidance or binging, avoiding social gatherings, trouble with self-worth/shame/guilt, possibly fixated on food, weight, calories.

Depression - Trouble with worthlessness, anhedonia, alexithymia, dissociated and detached, sluggish, possibly have sleep disturbances, feeling isolated, and changes in appetite.

Paranoia - General sense of distrust, overly self-reliant, negative view on people, fear vulnerability, constantly vigilant/wary, possibly easy to angry and hold grudges, trouble maintaining relations.

Let me know what you guys think, are there other symptoms i didn't list them here? If so, please reblog them and share your own, and or experiences along with it too,, i would love to hear them directly!

Remember, comorbids can overlap more than one and, everyone’s symptoms manifests differently too.

- j

[ladystarksneedle]

Aemond and Age regression

I'm putting this under the cut with trigger warnings: (child abuse, trauma and coping mechanisms)

This is something I looked up and is in no way me saying "oh this is exactly what this situation is". This is just my attempt at understanding what I'm seeing. This is not a diagnosis, just speculation over behaviour of a character in a messy situation.

One of the things that I think is meant to be disturbing or off putting about the scene with Aemond is his response to what has happened. While his tone with respect to describing the failed assassination attempt on his life appears to be calm, his actions are far from it. He seems to be inching closer to the woman he's with, wishing to be held and soothed, wanting for something intimate rather than sexual which he clearly rebuffs despite having been involved with her earlier and I think it has to do with all the trauma he's unable to process masked by the encounter taking place in a brothel.

This is from a couple of articles I read which I'll link here and here.

Age regression is defined as a temporary or long-term reversal of behavior to earlier states of development. It is normal and expected in children but does occur in adulthood as well.

People sometimes revert to childlike behavior to cope with trauma, stress, severe illness, or mental health disorders. Age regression can be unconscious (involuntary) or conscious (voluntary) behavior and includes subtle examples of a person who sucked their thumb as a child chewing on a pen because they are stressed or more severely crying in a fetal position, rocking, pacing, manifestations of physical aggresion, inability to self soothe etc..

Voluntary Age Regression for some is a deliberate choice used as a coping mechanism for past trauma, anxiety, or depression.

Age regression, whether voluntary or involuntary, is not considered sexual. It is a term used in psychology or medicine. This terminology refers to those who regress to a younger state of mind and can sometimes be confused with a sexual fetish, or a type of kink.

In the beginning of the scene we also see a server bring in something which either looks like moon tea for the lady or what looks like milk to me. If it's milk it does support the theory that Aemond is probably seeking her out to feel comfort by indulging in a collective experience that masks what he went through as a child? By doing so he's perhaps re living his own traumatic experience in a way to now feel more in control of the situation.

He could be seeking her out because she's familiar and that familiarity to him now that he's exposed to much more stress is soothing. It's a complex mix of what he's been through, abuse, ptsd, anxiety and helplessness which is manifesting in his interactions.