#public figures are human beings and deserve the same respect as everyone else

[pucksandpower]

So … this happened.

The Formula 1 community — and sports fandom as a whole — needs to have a serious conversation about the dangerous commodification and objectification of athletes.

And I know, I write fanfiction — what right do I have talking about any of this? But there is a reason why the cardinal rule of fanfiction is to keep it far removed from those featured in it. Because those of us who create and consume it know about the importance of boundaries.

Boundaries … that are repeatedly being crossed by so-called fans who choose to forget that Formula 1 drivers and all athletes are human beings while sickeningly violating their privacy and encroaching on their safety in real life.

Things need to change.

This is an issue of morality, dignity, and security. It cannot continue.

[mariacallous]

A Range of Reactions

Administrators said in their announcement that the framework for the new club “reflects input and perspectives from private conversations with current and past undergraduate LGBTQ students.”

Mordechai Levovitz, a Yeshiva University alum and clinical director of Jewish Queer Youth, a support organization for Orthodox LGBTQ young people, doesn’t buy it. He said LGBTQ students and alumni were reaching out to one other after the announcement to figure out who had been consulted about the new club. He couldn’t find anyone. He said even staff members at the university counseling office and office of student life appeared to be in the dark.

“It seems suspect,” Levovitz said. “It seems kind of silly. It borders on being foolish. And certainly it lacks the basic respect for the issues at hand here, which are that LGBTQ young people in nonaccepting environments are really at risk for higher levels of suicide and self-harm and mental illness and anguish and all of these really real things.”

He believes the rabbis were well intentioned in sanctioning the club, but the new club felt more like a stunt to make a point in the lawsuit than a genuine effort to support students, given that the students feeling discriminated against weren’t involved in the planning or forming of the new club as far as he can tell. He also is unsure how the new club differs from the original.

Left unsaid in this very public debate is that many believe this move is about whether or not the club supports students having sex, given that a dominant Orthodox interpretation of Jewish law prohibits same-sex sexual relationships and discourages premarital sex. Some supporters of the existing LGBTQ club believe this was the subtext of the university’s announcement that the new club will help LGBTQ students “navigating the formidable challenges that they face in living a fully committed, uncompromisingly authentic halachic life within Orthodox communities.” Administrators also contended that the original club is part of a wider movement that supports non-Torah ideals.

But “nowhere in any of the Pride Alliance’s mission statements does it talk about sex or relationships,” Levovitz said. “It has to do with basically everything this rabbinic club seems to want—supporting students, creating a sense of comradery, creating a safe space on campus where queer students can talk about things that are pertaining to them, maybe bringing in some speakers, creating some events.”

A rabbinical student at Yeshiva, who’s disappointed with the administration’s stance toward the YU Pride Alliance, said while many of his classmates view the group as encouraging of LGBTQ students having sex, the club has never advocated such stances. The rabbinical student, who requested anonymity, said making LGBTQ students feel respected and accepted, as YU Pride Alliance contends, is different than pretending religious strictures don’t exist.

“I don’t think [leaders of the YU Pride Alliance] are going to say, ‘everyone should be celibate’ … I don’t think anybody who’s honest with themselves says that,” he said. “But there’s a big difference between saying you have to do what you have to do because you’re a human being and saying it’s mutar [religiously permitted].”

The rabbinical student has a sibling who came out as gay and decided to have nothing to do with Judaism after being ostracized in their religious community. The university’s ongoing lawsuit and its unwillingness to work with existing LGBTQ student leaders feels personal to him, he said.

“How can I … say I care about you … and I love you and I don’t want anybody else to be treated the same way as you when the institution that I’m getting my smicha [rabbinic ordination] from is sort of completely undermining that?” he said. “Part of the reason I’m becoming a rabbi is because I believe everybody deserves a connection to HaKadosh Baruch Hu [God] and we should do our best to include people in our communities, even if it’s hard.”

He’s worried about the effects of the lawsuit on his family relationships as well as his job prospects.

“The first thing anybody is going to say when you’re a YU rabbi, you’re a YU graduate, you went to one of the graduate schools, people are going to say, ‘Oh, are you a homophobe?’” he said. “It would make me reticent about sending my kids to YU or encouraging my students to go to YU because they have to answer the question for a decision they had no say in.”

Faculty members share similar concerns that the lawsuit casts a pall on their academic pursuits and on the public image of the university. Abraham Ravid, co-chair of the Yeshiva University Faculty Council, said the lawsuit inevitably comes up when he’s at academic conferences and when graduate students interview for jobs. He added that while the majority of faculty members support the YU Pride Alliance, and have signed petitions saying so, there are divisions within the council on the issue, which has been a “distraction” to other work he wants to get done.

He wishes the new club had been proposed to members of the YU Pride Alliance as a compromise before the lawsuit was filed.

He’s also concerned about the negative news coverage the controversy over the club has generated, instead of “positive news and stories about achievements by scholars, either on the religious or secular side.”

“It’s distressing to most of us,” he said.

Natan Ehrenreich, a senior at the university, believes the views of faculty members and supporters of the YU Pride Alliance don’t necessarily represent most of the student body. He said the framing of YU’s lawsuit as university leaders and rabbis fighting the will of the student body is “entirely wrong.”

“I think there is a silent majority of students on campus who are deferring to the university and the Roshei Yeshiva [the rabbis] for religious judgment,” he said. “I think one side is a lot louder than the other. I think people who supported the club are a lot louder.”

He views the Kol Yisrael Areivim club as a move toward greater inclusivity and believes it was a good-faith effort by the rabbis to support the needs of students. But he also believes it’s important to religious liberty that the university’s rabbinic authorities decide the LGBTQ club’s mission and scope, and that’s why he supports YU’s stance in the ongoing lawsuit.

“I want to see this case framed as an issue of pluralism, that’s the way I see it,” he said. “I see it as populations who disagree with one another in this country able to have institutions that disagree with one another.”

Deeply Divided

[lestwritewhilewaitingforajobcall]

Tamed Seas - Poseidon x Reader

(A/N)

This is the very first post I’m making on this equally new account and also the very first time I am ever using a second person POV for the reader. Let me know your thoughts!

The following story is just for shits and giggles. I do not own any of the characters, they are the property of Shinya Umemura and Takumi Fukui and Ajichika. I also do not own you, the reader.

Warning: Swearing from my disclaimer.

Tamed Seas

Poseidon x Reader

They were never allowed to stare.

If Poseidon never looked anyone in the eye, deeming them unworthy of even a simple gaze, then anyone other than himself were equally unworthy in looking at his wife.

Just before the meeting had started about a decision to be made on humanity’s fate, Poseidon had entered in his full regalia, his wife walking alongside him. Of course, such a prestigious couple deserved such a special entrance, as Hermes, per Zeus’ request too, played his violin most ceremoniously, a proud smirk on his face upon seeing the royal feet step perfectly on the red carpet he had immediately placed upon knowing of their arrival. Zeus’ older brother held a record of never attending meetings, much more any simple get-togethers unless they were of real utmost importance such as this one.

Shiva’s eyes grew at the sight of the couple. Even though Poseidon’s wife had originally been a mortal who had ascended to godhood, you were glowing and looked as ethereal as Aphrodite. Was he seeing things? He blinked and leaned forward in his seat. The last time he saw you was at the announcement of your wedding, then after the ceremony he never caught a glimpse of you ever again and only heard stories of your new and impressive conquests. Were you always this godlike?

As if reading his thoughts, he gulped upon finding himself at the receiving end of Poseidon’s cold and stoic stare. He shrugged his shoulders. Man, he had heard rumors of his sudden protectiveness towards his wife, but he never expected him to be this overly protective. He was merely trying to figure out if his wife was always glowing like this or not. Both figuratively and literally.

Alright, maybe he was checking you out a little bit.

Unlike the god of the seas, his wife greeted Zeus, and all the familiar gods with a warm smile. It had been ages since you had seen them all together, and the sight brought a sense of nostalgia to the days where you had first earned their favor, then their respect, and then their friendship. Although your story might not be as mighty (and as physically taxing) as Hercules’ was, you considered those ‘young’ days to also be one of your best apart from getting married to the man god who you had given your heart for and will continue to love and cherish for the rest of your life. Since you became Poseidon’s wife, you had not had much time to do leisure outside the palace, and correspondingly after heralding the title of ‘queen of the seas,’ you had taken it upon yourself to help your husband in matters concerning his own kingdom and the vast seas themselves.

“Master Zeus—” Zeus threw you a knowing look. “My apologies, Zeus, it’s such a pleasure to see you again!”

“Same here, little lady! Judging by the frequent calmness of the Atlantic Ocean, I trust you and my brother are faring along quite well?” The father of all gods chuckled, then wiggled his gray eyebrows. “Why, I must say, me and most of the other Olympians have been waiting for some new gods and goddesses to rule alongside us, if you know what I mean! Ehe he~”

Characteristic of your husband, Poseidon simply scoffed before muttering how gods such as themselves need not gossip. Blue eyes never left the Hindu god however, and unbeknownst to his wife, he lingered closer to you than usual whenever the both of you were in public.

This time, Shiva had had enough. He was sure he only looked at the direction of Poseidon’s wife only once, and admired you only once as well, yet he was being skewered by the god’s gaze for longer than what he had intentionally allowed. As if he had openly claimed you as his! He was the god of destruction for heaven’s sake, and would not allow this sacrilegious act, regardless of whoever he had to settle the score with. If it was with another prominent deity, then it would be a lot more fun. Golden eyes narrowed daringly, an equally challenging aura oozing from his form and startling the nearby gods.

“Lord Shiva, are you okay—”

“(Name). How many times do I have to repeat myself? You have no need to refer to other gods with honorifics.” Your attention whipped to your husband, who to your surprise, held a familiar, challenging stance. Unbeknownst to you but the other gods especially Aphrodite, Poseidon simply matched the challenge of the Hindu god. “You are the wife of the seas. All the other gods are beneath you, as they are beneath me as well.”

Upon hearing this, Shiva gripped his concrete armrests too greatly and it crumbled to dust under his strength. Pumped at where this interaction seemed to be heading−the thought of fighting, he stood up, arms on the ready to cause destruction. Despite being in the middle of the crowd and quite far away from the center of the stadium where the couple stood, he caught glimpse of the famous trident he would never be caught dead wielding. Now this was getting interesting!

“My rules are simple: you disrespect me, you die,” He pointed at Poseidon, which the latter found disgusting enough to scrunch up his nose.

“Should we put a stop to this, Lord Zeus?” Hermes asked behind a white gloved hand. Not exceeding any expectations, Zeus laughed after a stroke of his beard and clapped. He always was one to find entertainment in alike situations, especially after the fact that this was the only time, he and all the other gods had really felt Poseidon riled up. The expression on the god of the seas’ face remained calm but it was betrayed by the suffocating, dominating presence he emitted from where he stood.

“And after you die, your wife would become firsthand witness of realizing how your title betrays your strength,” Shiva stretched, but halfway through noticed Poseidon’s quick work of his trident. He took a stance and prepared for the parrying move.

Amidst the unexpected battle that was soon to happen, to everyone’s surprise, a whistling sound echoed along the tension-filled stadium. It was a tune most foreign to the gods, all except one. From your lips, a beautiful melody poured out as a soft gentle breeze seemed to have begun to blow. It was an old tune you had learned from one of your many lifetimes in the mortal world,

And the very same one you had sung to Poseidon that had sustained him in trying moments.

Poseidon came to a full stop, his muscles unmoving as he listened and slowly, put his trident down. What was he thinking? He should not have been swayed by a foolish taunt committed by a foolish god. He was perfection incarnate. His wife would never fall for a foolish antic, so why did he? Now he was both angry and confused with himself. How could he have allowed himself for even a moment, for others to see him angry over this? What even was this?

Without the need to look at you, relishing in your fine tunes reminded him of the initial catalyst to his reaction and an answer to his question. Whenever matters concerned his wife, his emotions, which he learned were out of his control, seemed to defy all rational logic, which, even at the very beginning of your courtship, bypassed his ego. Of course, despite these strong feelings, the one thing Poseidon had control over were his actions. Therefore, he had always had a grip on how he presented himself. Although it was still a slow progress to figuring out this foreign feeling with his wife, the only other being he deemed truly worthy to allow into his life, anyone else will never have a chance of being privy to this side of him−a sentiment that thankfully, his wife shared. Though he never admitted it, he was confused and left mulling over for some time when you had also told him before that you had meant a different thing.

“…Foolish. Gods have no need for wars, we are perfect beings ourselves. You are not the reason for my presence here and are not worthy of my time and attention.” Another long silence fell, finally broken by Poseidon, ignoring the mix of surprised and fearful stares. His legs started carrying him towards the direction of one of the high stage boxes in the stadium. “Come, (Name).”

Shiva, who had his fists out and ready to fight, blinked twice in confusion before grunting, scratching the back of his ear violently in frustration. “You Greek gods have always been boring! And here I thought I’d finally be able to cause some destruction again, this time in Valhalla…”

Other than the Hindu god himself, none would ever understand if he had riled up the Greek god on purpose for the sake of his own entertainment or, perhaps, for something more personal. Zeus, meanwhile, followed the sight of his older brother walking quietly alongside his wife. Aphrodite nodded her head in his direction, affirming his suspicions. He would never fully understand the concept of love, but hey, he did get the message that all would be damned if so much as a single hair went missing on (Name)’s hair. And it seems he was not alone in this thought, as despite Shiva’s aggressive taunting, he also managed to peak into the gravity of the god of seas’ feelings towards his wife.

After Shiva had been calmed down and more gods piled in along with the Valkyries, Zeus set his meeting in motion. From the stands, Poseidon and his wife occupied the two seats that closely resembled their thrones. Eagerly sitting beside the god, (Name) grinned. Every day she had to sit close to her husband or even at times on his lap, she always felt like her body fit snugly against his.

Blue eyes stared uninterested at the spectacle.

“Dearest?” Poseidon turned his head and met your gaze. Any dark smudges had disappeared beneath his eyes, and his mouth that was carved into a seemingly permanent frown softened. His lips went from a thin line to a gentle curve.

“Thank you.”

No more words needed to be said. Poseidon knew what you were thanking him for, and he responded by closing his eyes as though he was swallowing every ounce of serenity that emitted from you. And the taste was sweet…

Above the angry retaliation of the gods regarding the verdict of Ragnarok, Poseidon enjoyed an elusive peace. Even if it was just a simple moment like this, he set his features in calm lines and his shoulders sank−a truly rare sight, a special secret between himself and his wife.

“I don’t care about this. I am eager to go home.” Poseidon whispered under his breath.

A chuckle left his wife’s lips. “We’re going home soon, don’t fret.”

[nemeseos-noctua]

Hello! It's nice to see a new genshin impact writer! I saw requests are open, and there's two I have in mind (if it's ok with you): One is for Razor, Albedo, Xiao, and ganyu (possibly Aether if you can) wherein Reader is scared of love. Like, they're scared of opening up and love someone in fear of rejection or being tossed away. But yet they still daydream having someone who'd love them making it more obvious how much they want to love despite their fears anyway--

With this information, how will they confess to Reader about their feelings? Or comfort/console them?

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: albedo, xiao, ganyu, (separate) x gn!reader

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: reader has a pyro vision, albedo and xiao story spoilers in their parts

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: srry for cutting some characters off!! the character limit is 3! (but personally i would write for aether hehe hes so cute i love him)

you just so happened to have a quest in dragonspine

you did not expect to see fatui—especially not fight them

and... you did not expect to get ganged up on! what is this? a bully session? what the heck?

Among the brawn and burly figures of the Fatui members, you didn’t fail to notice a streak of blonde and dazzling blue from a distance—your eyes widening as you prayed to whatever archon would dare to listen...

Please, please don’t be another stupid enemy. You thought with a grimace, your heart pounding in your chest as you could hear a voice—it was calm yet strong, like a endless waterfall or a river creek.

“Burst forth!” 

In a matter of seconds, a geo flower emerged from the earth, your form being lifted up on the tiny platform as shards of crystallized rock formed under you, nearly stabbing you in the gut.

Who? What? How? Who was this stranger? This vision-wielder?

Wasting no time, you plummeted down on a nearby Fatui—deeming this geo-user as ‘safe’, you summoned your own flames, charring the crystal snow black as you wrapped your arm around the blonde, barely taking any time to observe his features.

from then on, you never expected to grow close to this mystery man

turns out he was the chief alchemist of the knights! you weren’t personally associated with the knights... but being chief alchemist certainly was a grand title, right?

with the use of your pyro vision, you helped accompany—albedo—you learned his name was

at first, the two of you were just exploration buddies. but as time went on, butterflies began to form in your stomach, nervousness seemed to peak when he was around

love was like a poison—you knew it’d hurt, you knew it’d kill you to have a drop—

but you wanted it. you wanted love, you wanted to be held by albedo and to twirl his silky hair around your fingers...

but—would he want you?

You wanted to love Albedo so badly.

Yet you knew, you couldn’t. The alchemist just wasn’t the type for love, he was not the type to give kisses or reassurances, nor was he the type to confess with a rose in his hands.

It wouldn’t hurt to dream, though. 

The thoughts you had before you slept were of him, of how pretty his eyes were—you couldn’t even pinpoint a color for it. Sometimes, they were blue, sometimes, they were teal. 

With every shooting star that’d zip past the sky, every eyelash that’d fall and every fire that’d be lit with the palm of your hands... you hoped for a love. A love so grand it’d outshine the sun, a love so grand it could make you forget the past and undo the pain of before.

But, in the depths of your mind, in the wings of the butterflies that’d flutter in your stomach... you knew—

Albedo did not love you. 

albedo initially thought of you as a torch lighter.

LOOK, HE IS A LOGICAL AND RESOURCEFUL MAN. he does not see the world with a rosie-colored-lens like how many others do—he sees it as the facts

and with your pyro vision? combined with dragonspine, ooh, please... ain’t that a match lighter?

but as time went on, he started to see you in a new light

you were knowledgeable, you respected his views and even contributed sometimes! you were no prodigy of alchemy, of course, but you were well-versed in combat and oftentimes knew how to navigate dragonspine

(he asked you how you knew dragonspine so well. all you told him was “Pain”)

but... albedo is observant. he’s definitely aware of your feelings and nervousness, how you get overly sweaty near him and fumble on your words

it’s then he realizes—he likes you too

love is a foreign concept to him, uncharted territory and an unexplored region. of course, as an alchemist, it is up to him to discover the unknown

and love—love is unknown

how could one possibly dedicate their entire life to another? albedo always questioned this notion, for humans were free beings that wanted nothing more than to break free of their shackles

and yet—the moment the alchemist met you? all of those questions flew out of the window

he wished... he wished to love you. but to him, it looks as if you do not want to love him

It’s frustrating, really.

How Albedo would brush over your hand mindlessly, how he’d hand you an object and let your fingertips meet for two seconds too many, how his cold yet soft lips would curve into a smile upon seeing you return from your endeavors.

Why? Why? Why? Why did he do this? Was he aware of the way he made you go crazy? 

You wanted to love him, so so bad—but—

“[Y/N],” Albedo’s voice seemed to pierce through your thoughts as if he had heard them.

“Y-Yes?” You turned immediately, the rush of your heart not calming a bit, the nervousness of your leg that bounced up and down as a remedy that you wish didn’t have to be so obvious.

Averting his eyes from yours, you missed the pixie blush that dusted the tip of his ears. He was not aware of your insecurities—but he was aware of one thing.

That—that he liked you... a lot, in fact.

“Recently...” Albedo started, clearing his throat anxiously before continuing, “I have started to develop some... feelings, for you. It is okay if you do not reciprocate, but it feels wrong to think about you in such a light when you are not awa—“

“Yes!”

You winced.

And then, everything seemed to crumble. Was he talking about someone else? Was there someone behind you? Was this a mindless prank? As it had been all those years ag—

A hand rested on your cheek, bringing you back to reality with the mere touch of his fingers.

albedo... in all of his intelligent prowess... was not expecting for you to say yes

in the public, he is a genius— a prince, a prodigy, even. but to him, he is but a failed student who is trying his best in completing his master’s final orders:

find the meaning of life

what is life? life is broad, life is different, life is... well, life.

at first, albedo had assumed that his master was talking about living life, as in plants or animals.

but now—with you, with klee, with mondstadt, with everyone. 

the chief alchemist seemed to realize:

life, life was in you.

life brought joy, laughter, pain, excitement, happiness—

and sometimes, even love

“But Albedo I—“

“It’s okay, [Y/N]. Though I am not personally aware of what seems to be troubling you, I will do everything in my power to assure that you feel comfortable with me.”

Life was short, Albedo noted. 

So—he wants to enjoy it.

—With you.

xiao does not fear rejection, but he does fear love

how pitiful... for a guardian yaksha such as him to fear such a trivial matter

love—love was scary. love could take control of him like how he was manipulated in the archon war, love could tug his arms and move him around like a puppet

he, adeptus xiao, did not want to love

but then, you came in. and it frustrated him tremendously. you were but a mere mortal, a fleeting life that came into his eternal one. you were someone who he did not deserve

and yet, he loved you

so much, so so so much, he can’t bear it. he can take on all those karmic binds, all those whispers and hatred—yet he cannot bear the love he feels for you. he cannot bear the way his heart races or leaps whenever he sees you, he cannot bear you

but—his heart does not like the fact that you feel the same

you had told him before, one night, a few months ago... you told him how you were afraid of love

you were afraid of getting tossed away, of being forgotten like the fallen archons in war, like a side character in a play of fontaine

and all xiao could do was scoff. whoever dared to throw you away would meet his spear, his rage. he could not fathom a world where you were hated, where anyone would dare to reject you—because, because—

you were his world, regrettably

Pacing up the stairs of Wangshu Inn, you ignored the gross feeling of your clothes sticking to your skin.

“[Y/N].”

Jolting up, your eyes met with that of the Guardian Yaksha—his piercing gaze and unwavering strength eyeing you down as if you were a pest.

“You’re going to get sick. Your mortal body cannot withstand such weather,” Xiao scolded, and on cue, a flash of light zipped through the air, the deep rumble of thunder following soon after.

Observing the way you flinched at the noise, Xiao merely wrapped an arm around your waist, teleporting you to the top of the inn and into your room.

“Dry up. I will return with soup,” The adeptus waved off your nervous gaze. He was not stupid, he has seen mortals succumb to sickness, and he hopes that you will not be one of them.

but as he heads to the kitchen, he cannot help but notice—notice the fact that you seemed to be... uneasy around him

was it something he said? was he perhaps too harsh with you? you of all people should know his words mean well, though...

and ugh, here it is again. the feeling of love that made even him overthink the smallest of things

yet after he brought you some soup and got you into bed, the question still ran around his mind like a halo. did you hate him? was this sickness bringing out your true thoughts?

well, yes and no

“Xiao...” You quietly murmured, wincing as the winds picked up inside your room, materializing a certain Yaksha out of thin air.

“What?”

“I’m sorry...”

“...?”

Rushing up to you, Xiao immediately placed a hand on your forehead, worried that you were on the brink of death.

“I’m sorry for liking you.”

“... What?” His eyes widened in disbelief, in shock. Sorry? Why were you sorry? Did you regret liking him? Was that why—

“I know...” You trailed off, in a drunken state of sickness, “That you don’t love me. But that’s okay. I just... wanted to let you know... because I’m afraid you’ll say no... but if you say no, I can at least move on...”

Staring at you fiercely, his breath hitched in his throat. No? No? He would never say no to you, ever, ever.

“Don’t move on,” Was all he could muster. 

Don’t. He wasn’t ready for love, no, he never was—but—

He did not want you to leave. 

This action of sickness was finally a catalyst, a catalyst for Xiao to confess to you properly when you were in the right state of mind.

And hopefully—when he does, you will say yes. 

xiao only confesses because he does not want to lose you

his karmic binds, the whispers, the screams. he does not want you to get tainted by them—so he is selfish, he is selfish for loving you and confessing to you... but he, he cannot bear to see you go

a double-edged sword, love is. it stabs his heart, skewering it as if it were nothing. it plunges his mind, clouding his thoughts as they fill with you and only you

can’t he just indulge in this fluffy feeling, once?

no—he doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t deserve you.

Under the rising stars and floating lanterns, the two of you sit. It is an unspoken love, you both share, it is an unwritten rule that paints the back of your minds like a canvas of colors. 

But love—is love. Love is the rainbow that forms in the sky when the rain is over, love is the sun that shines, washing away all of the coldness of the world.

Love is you.

ganyu feels... alone

so when you come into her life like a prospering glaze lily, she wants nothing more than to love you!

but you, confuse her. she is 100% sure you return her feelings, so why do you not seem to be... excited, about it?

To an immortal like Ganyu—love changes. At first, love was for the world, but then it shifted for mankind, and then it moved to... you.

She was no strange to love, in fact, she welcomed it! Ganyu wants to feel as mortal as possible, so when you stumble in and make her fumble for words—she knows she has fallen.

Like a meteor or a person—she falls for you. Everything reminds her of you, every flower and every bird makes her want to talk to you and spend her time with you.

But lately—you have been quite... reserved.

at first, ganyu thinks she is the problem. that she has done something wrong and she is a terrible crush

but then, she hears rumors. rumors about your past loves and how they rejected you mercilessly, how they played you like a marinette doll and caused you pain

to ganyu—that is the lowest any mortal could ever go. but for now, that is not her problem. she wants to help you, to make you realize that you are deserving of love and that you—you make her feel love

she—of course, does not confront you about this directly. ganyu is far too experienced to bring up past conflicts

but, she will subtly make you realize her feelings. with morning and night walks around liyue harbor, with hangouts and ‘dates’ at liuli pavilion...

love... it’s quite beautiful, isn’t it?

“Ah, the food here is certainly marvelous,” Ganyu gushed, enjoying a nice plate of jade parcels as you spared a smile.

“Yes, thank you for this, Ganyu. I know you work a lot and—“

“Of course, [Y/N]. Everyone needs breaks,” The woman returned your kind gesture, eyes crinkling in amusement as your heart pounded so loudly in your chest.

“In all honesty, [Y/N]. I feel quite a connection to you, and though I am aware you are hesitant— I just wanted to let you know that you are loved... by many people, not only me,” Ganyu rested her chopsticks down, making complete eye contact with you as her blue hair framed her face. The black and red horns that adorned her head glimmered—the kindness and delicate features of her nose and lips, her eyes and smile—

Your breath hitched.

ganyu—of course— does not expect an answer right away!

in fact, she thinks it’s quite unorthodox to confess to someone who is afraid of love—but her instincts told her it was right

it was abrupt, she knows. you don’t have to say yes, she knows.

but still, love was a game of chance—just as gambling, betting, anything. love was a game for two

so she took it. she took the chance, hoping that maybe you, you’d say yes.

“I...” You trailed off. You didn’t know Ganyu returned your feelings, neither did you ever imagine she could... Ganyu was half-adeptus, a caliber above you and your mortal-ness! Why would she ever think of you as anything more tha—

“Do not be afraid, [Y/N],” Ganyu’s voice was gentle as she soothed you. She had been here before, she had seen you cry out of a yearning for something you couldn’t have, she had seen your heart shatter and your mindset retract.

“I... like you too,” You responded, you felt light-headed, like you were soaring in the clouds that not even Celestia could bring you down.

Love, love was a gamble. And sometimes, you’d get your heart broken, your soul broken...

But love—it wasn’t so bad after all.

― constellations!

[samdotdocx]

A very long-winded essay about why I love Night in the Woods and The Ramayana makes me Big Mad ft. Lets Talk About Mental Illness™

So I was in this class called 'The Ecology of Language". Excellent class, 10/10 would recommend - and especially relevant in the Indian context in particular, but that's a topic for another day.

One of the things we talked about was the concept of 'relatibality' in media, which, I'm sure we can all agree is a large component of contemporary character or story-line development. Considering the context of modern readers, what that sometimes ends up looking like (in our society that is built on constantly being told we are lacking, and the subsequent need to satisfy manufactured desires), is some wonderfully nuanced characters in stories stories that are three-dimensional, well rounded, and well developed and written. It's pretty great. And sometimes, what that means is that we have excellent characters that don't conform to the standard 'protagonist' stereotype. They might not even be 'good' (this is NOT a villain-apologist post). In fact, they might be complete idiots. They might be the people in stories who make all the wrong choices.

One such relatable character is Mae, and it's because she's an unmitigated train-wreck.

Anyone who knows the game probably knows what I'm talking about when I say the illustration style and character designs are gorgeous. Anyone who's ever dissociated probably knows what I'm talking about when I say that illustration style and character design were excellently used to create the sort of subliminal, surreal state of Mae's mind. And as you play the game, you see how that state of mind plays with the other characters, and - spoiler - it isn't great.

This is the first of the relatable aspects of Mae’s character; there are people around her who love her and are worried about her, but at the same time, are angry and irritated about her behaviour. At what point does it become too much to ask of those around you to forgive all your continuous and repetitive mistakes? Even if you have a good reason for it, mental illness is not an excuse for being exploitative, even if it is unintentional. Mae is not trying to hurt the people around her, but she constantly needs emotional labour from them – it’s exhausting, and people’s patience is going to run out eventually, as is their right.

Another aspect of this behaviour is the lack of reciprocity, an example of this being when Bea’s mother died of cancer – and Mae didn’t even notice.

There are several instances of Mae’s thoughtless behaviour throughout the game; she gets completely wasted and makes a scene at the party, gets jealous of of Greg and Angus because they’re leaving the town without her, and ends up destroying the radiator Bea was supposed to fix, getting her in trouble.

The thing is though, that Mae is given the opportunity to fix her mistakes.

A large part of relatability is the want so see yourself in a character. Mae is relatable to me because there are several circumstances and events in our lives that match up, but more than that; the game is an interactive visualization of her healing process. Her nine steps, if you will. She is given a second chance – and that chance is hard won, particularly in the context of the game.

Mae talks about feeling like she’s falling behind, of knowing that she is, in a way, wasting an opportunity that was a privilege in the first place, especially considering her family’s financial situation – but at the same time, being literally unable to help herself. And the aspects of the gameplay that hint at the supernatural elements of the story possibly being a figment of Mae’s imagination – well. All us depressed losers know what it's like to not be able to trust your own judgement and point of view. She talks about why she dropped out of college, and her description of the dissociation, and the mental and emotional deadening that it causes is spot on and so well represented.

It underscores the point that the logical brain knows that mental illness is an illness like any other – but the emotional brain doesn’t care.

The game does a brilliant job of laying bare the realities of middle class life, and makes painfully clear the fact that, at that level, it doesn’t matter how difficult things are for you. The world isn’t going to wait for you to get back on your feet.

Mae’s mental state and the limitations it imposes on her cultivates a state of extreme frustration. Again, relatable. It’s an understated aspect of illness of any kind; the anger at yourself, and how that anger carries over into a lot of things in your day to day life. After a point, it becomes a habit. Mae does this too; she's belligerent, and instigative, and unrepentant of consequences, because anger blinds you.

It's not how things will always be. I have the privilege of hindsight, so I can say that with authority. But, this isn’t the kind of thing that ever fully leaves you, either. If you break a kneecap, it’s going to bother you for the rest of your life, and similarly, mental illness has a ‘no return, no refund’ policy. So you grow up, and you try to adapt those habits and impulses into a more positive context. Recycling, right? Maybe you set your sights on things that actually deserve your anger, and you go from there. You find people who, for their own reasons, perhaps or perhaps not related to your own, are angry.

And you don’t understand the people who are not.

A large part of the anger and frustration surrounding mental illness is due to the stigma surrounding it. It’s frustrating to be so powerless and dependent, but this is exacerbated by the attitude of ‘it can’t be that bad’, which makes it so difficult to reach out, to be able to say, ‘I need a break’ – and actually get one. This is an attitude that carries over to a lot of other issues as well, and the worst part is – we are surrounded by people who are okay with it, who believe in and support that mentality.

The myth of Sita, for example. She is a strong female figure in Indian mythology, who overcomes her circumstances to live a ‘good’ life, and for all intents and purposes, is a hell of a role model.

But that’s the thing; her life wasn’t good, was it? She was supposed be a goddess reincarnated, she should have been powerful, and respected, but instead she is reduced to ‘wife’ – and everyone today is fine with it.

I respect her immensely for the choices she made; marrying for love was her choice, going into exile with her husband was her choice. She was the paragon of virtue, of 'wifeliness', of kindness – she chose her husband over everyone and everything else, including herself, as was expected of her. But yet – she couldn't win his trust or respect. It should not even have needed to be won.

It’s commendable the way she takes it all in stride, but why did she? She was kidnapped and held captive for years, entirely against her will, and her husband's response to that is to force her to walk through fire to prove her ‘purity’ – and she does it. And she stays with him after, and I cannot understand the depths of her patience and forgiveness, because I would have been livid, and I want her to be so too. I’m furious for her, because Ram was not just her husband, he was also the king, and his later verdict to exile her, alone, while heavily pregnant, his readiness to condemn her based on speculation and public sentiment, was not just a verdict against her, it was against every woman in his kingdom who had ever been victimised.

Sita became a martyr to the modern feminist movement – if she could not be angry on her own behalf, we will do it for her. But at the same time, she is still relatable, because we are held to a slightly lesser degree of the same expectations. There are always going to be aspects of things that you relate to. ‘Big Mood’ culture is a strong indicator of the human ability to empathise, especially with characters that you like, or respect.

Sita’s world, I imagine, was run by the expectations her society and community had of her, and maybe she didn’t even have the liberty to be angry. Who is responsible for portraying her in passive acceptance of her fate? Is that representation reliable? Would the story have been different had it been written by a woman?

I can't remember a time when I was not angry, especially about things like this. I am always ready to fight, and I think the same goes for so many other people today, sometimes to our detriment. I cannot imagine a world where that was not at the very least an option. Not necessarily the best option, - but Sita’s world was very different to ours. Even with centuries between us, we’ve just gotten over angry and depressed women being labelled as ‘hysterical’ and subsequently being locked away. What is it like, to have to be calm and careful in response to being treated like this? This care in response may not be an overt requirement anymore – though the fact remains that society will not take you seriously if you become hysterical - but shouldn't you, at the very least, be able to rely on the support of other people in the same boat?

That is the main difference in these stories, and another main point of relatability to me; Mae, like myself, had a support system. Sita did not. Mae was selfish and demanding in so many ways, and required a lot of time and patience and healing before she was able to give back, but she got there eventually because she was able to put herself first. She fought for herself, and when she couldn’t, she had other people to fight for her. Night in the Woods represents the intersection of oppressed minorities and community with their portrayal of Mae, Greg, and Angus in particular, and the importance of community support – and, the difference between geographical community, and communities formed through camaraderie and actual unity. And so does the Ramayana - except, where was Sita’s community? Where were her sisters, or her parents, when she was abandoned in the woods, and later when she committed suicide? We are well aware, in the modern day, of the state of mind that causes people to kill themselves, and yet that is a part of the story that we never talk about. Where were her people then?

What would have happened if she had been more like Mae, and put herself first instead of bleeding herself dry for people who never respected her, and would never do the same for her?

People relate to personalities. They relate to choices, and circumstances, and habits, and it is neither a good nor a bad thing, to be relatable or not. Sita will be highly relatable to people who, like her, were governed by their circumstances, and were screwed over despite their best efforts. People who felt they couldn’t, or shouldn’t exercise their power and agency. Sita’s death was at odds with her strong personality, and so was her deference to her fate on many occasions, but there are a lot of people out there who will relate to the feeling of simply wanting things to be over. Mae on the other hand; she’s a steamroller, and she doesn’t stop. There’s a reason her character is a cat, and jokingly referred to as feral in the game. She is persistent, she is growing.

[1] In Defence of Kaikeyi and Draupadi: a Note – by Fritz Blackwellhttps://www.jstor.org/stable/23334398?read-now=1&seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents [2] https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/10/emergency-room-wait-times-sexism/410515/

[liibrii]

Built for eternity  

deity!Atsumu x gn!reader || crack/fluff || wc: 1.6k || 🦊

Synopsis: Once Atsumu was a great deity, equally loved and feared but after taking a very long nap he wakes up to a world that has forgotten him. Everyone but your group that’s digging up his old shrine. He's sure you'll be his new followers so why on Earth are you destroying his house?!

warnings: barely proofread, general stupidity, cursing, suggestive moments, archaeological mumbo jumbo, Atsumu is a god of something but it's vague and not really important, also gods exist and everybody is chill with that, reader is a very tired archaeologist and done with everybody’s shit

a/n: after 3 days of rain and 6 straight hours of shovelling dirt I had an epiphany. idk, it made me laugh so I decided to scribble it down. and yes, don’t mess with a profile unless you want archaeologists to hate you forever as always feedback is greatly appreciated!

Once Atsumu was a great deity with shrines and temples at every corner. Nowadays the only ones remembering him are obscure books only used for collecting dust. But that is about to change. Atsumu is sure of that. 

Group of loyal followers has gathered where his shrine once stood, a small one, one he never really cared about but these days he'll take every crumb of adoration he can. And the crumbs are a plenty as the group digs up the shrine, excited about the pottery shards and walls coming to light. 

They call themselves archaeo-something, architects probably since they will rebuild his power. Yes, excellent, it pleases him to see you all rejoice, taking pictures of everything, you will be his new followers and more will follow, he'll be a great deity again, equally loved and feared-

“Aright, take the wall out!“

Huh?

Why are ya destroyin’ his shrine?! No, no, no, stop breakin’ apart the walls! That was the inner altar, what are ya pigs doin’?!

Thunder rumbles and a downpour falls for days, and still those little crawly humans continue to destroy his shrine, his precious walls, and take away the last remains of old offerings. Oh he's going to have a word with all of you freakin' stumblin’ humans, ya better know yer damn places. But he'll start with the one in charge.

The excavation site is empty when he decides to approach you. You're shovelling away dirt, though you should've started with your shoes and clothes. You turn when you hear someone approach and your eyes widen, as they should, thinks Atsumu, at least someone 'round here should show him the respect he deserves, he's a god after-

“Hey! You're standing on my feature! Get off, shoo, shoo! And watch out for the profile! I just cleaned the damn thing. Excavation site is closed to the public Mister so I'll have to ask you to leave.“

Exca- what? Leave? It’s his shrine! Humans shouldn’t react to his presence the way you did, that's just, it's not what humans do! 

“But I live here.“

“You-? Oh. You're still standing on my feature, get off already,“ you pull him off the patch of dark soil that to him looks the same as the patch where he's standing now.

“Why are ya destroyin' my shrine?“

You wipe away the sweat on your forehead, or maybe it's rain, with raindrops still falling he can't really tell. “We're not destroying anything, we're digging it up. Documenting it. It'll get destroyed once the apartment complex is build here. Come on, stay away from the profile!“

You return to scrapping the patch of dirt and Atsumu feels some very confusing mixture of rage that you, a lowly little human being, are talking to him like he's a nuisance, and being very pleased because when you lean down to scrap the soil he has an incredible view of your behind, and whew, that's a very nice ass. He shouldn't look, staring is rude, but what else is he supposed to look at, there's just soil, and holes dug into the ground, a weird green box atop a yellow tripod, a shovel, and some stones, one beside your left leg, such good looking legs indeed, there's a mud stain all over your ass-

No! You're tearing down the last remains of his shrine! “Human. I order ya to stop doin' what yer doin' and answer my questions!“

You glance over your shoulder. “Sure. I'll keep on working and you ask me what you want to know.“

Why are you so calm?! He's a deity, a god, you should be on your knees begging for your life to be spared, not scrapping the ground, oh holy bean sprouts and apples, why does your ass look so good? “Do ya know who I am?“

“The one of many names. The Twofaced god.“ You straighten up just to change gardening hoe for a shovel.

“Why aren't ya scared then?“

“I've met your kind before,“ you shovel the dirt onto a big pile a few steps away. “Though they usually don't go around destroying my surfaces. A clumsy god is a first. Oh, what's this? Pottery, nice,“ you mumble as you turn a small object covered with soil in your hand.

“Hey. Show me some respect or-“

“Or what? You’ll make it rain again? Joke's on you I've been soaked through and through for the last three days. Hand me the trowel?“

“Yer extremely impolite.“

To his utter surprise you burst into laughter. “Listen your holiness it's Friday afternoon, I’m tired, my clothes are completely wet, I'm cold, I have gravel in my shoes, my shoulders are killing me, and I'm more than ready to go home. But before that I have a feature to document. The one that you so kindly stepped in. Now, please show me your godly powers and hand me the trowel. The mini shovel. Red handle. No, left. Left. That's the one, thank you, what did I tell you, watch the profile man!“

Good grief, have humans always been so demanding?

“Will my shrine be rebuild?“

“If your shrine is an apartment complex, sure. Give it a few weeks and it will be good as new. Literally.“ When you see his face your expression softens a little. “No. It won’t be. We'll look at the remains to figure out when it was abandoned, what happened, that sort of thing.“

“But yer an architect. Architects build things.“ He heard people of your group call themselves that. They talked about how the walls had been built though he quickly stoped listening. “This shrine was built for eternity!“

“Archaeologist.“

“What?

“You meant I’m an archaeologist. Not architect. I don't plan buildings, I dig them up once their eternity passes.“

“It's eternity! It doesn't pass! Go dig somewhere else!“

You sigh. You look almost as exhausted as he did before taking his a few thousand years long nap. “Great, you're one of those people. Always complaining, why is it taking so long, why do you have to dig on my building site? Well mister it ain't my fault you decided to build atop of my neolithic settlement. Hey, grab the hoe.“

“The what?“

“The thing by your feet. No, that's a trowel. The one with the long handle. No, that’s a pickaxe, yes that's the one. See there? Your footprints. Clean them. Come on, don't just stand around and look pretty, get to hoeing.“

“Right here? Out in the open?“ He wiggles his eyebrows at you. “Yer an intriguin'-“

“Clean them away.“

Atsumu does as you say all while grinning. You're getting flustered. Humans and their brave facades, we'll see how long you manage to hold your own up.

“There.“ It only took four scraps to get rid of the footprints but Atsumu proclaims it so proudly he might as well just have dug up the entire excavation site on his own. “That was as easy-“ As he steps away ground under his foot crumbles and he hears your shocked shriek.

“My profile!“

Oh dear. The word he’d use to describe the look on your face when you see the collapsed pile of dirt beside the hole in the cross section would be heartbroken. Devastated. On verge of tears. Irritated. Angry. Enraged? 

“What did I tell you?! I gave you one job, one job you clumsy wanna be deity! Oh fuck, come on, I’m to tired for this.“

“’m sorry,“ Atsumu mumbles. His ears are on fire.

“Yeah you better be. Shit, fuck, what am I supposed to do?“ You look at him the same way someone in a hurry looks at a doorknob when their jacket gets caught on it. “You. Here.“

“What's-“

“Don’t tell me you don’t know what a shovel is. You destroyed my profile. I'm very tired. I'm very angry. I don't care if you're a god or a plastic straw, right now you will help me fix it. Shovel straight down. I want a right angle.“ 

With his strength evening out the cross section proves to be no problem at all. He glances over at you, do you see what a good job he’s doing, maybe he messed up before but now he’s doing great, as you pay him no attention and write something on a small blackboard. A bunch of numbers and words. He recognises there's a date. What could the others mean? You lean down to reach for, oh that mud stain on your trousers is actually a hand print. You must've wiped your hand on your ass- 

The shovel slips. Luckily you're too preoccupied with your camera to take notice of it.

“Are you done?“ you ask without looking up and he stutters out an 'almost' since he's almost sure it isn’t just the shovel that’s slipping. “Looks good.“ You say more to yourself than him. 

He thinks you're pretty cute when you're not chewing him out for stepping onto that one patch of dirt. The way you lift the camera up and take photos of that patch of dirt is pretty cute too. 

“Help me pack up,“ you say once you’re done. He doesn’t need to be told twice, already gathering your tools. “All things considered you weren’t so bad. Maybe you should consider becoming the god of archaeologists.“ Your smile is incredibly cute too. “Fancy a drink?“

[one-piece-dumpster-fire]

Second round of the calamity headcanon series, this time featuring the commander with the least amount of screentime: aka everyone's favorite tall leathery bird boi, King!!! Ngl the romantic ones turned out a lot longer than anticipated but I couldn't bring myself to cut them😭

Tagging: @maozne18, @thecaptainsassistant

King the Wildfire headcanon

"Romantic"

out of the three calamities, he's by far the least likely to "fall in love". If you somehow managed to catch his interest he'll simply snatch you up one day and keep you with him to test whether you're really worth his time

at first King treats you more like a possession rather than a real human being, and it won't be easy to earn his respect and get him to accept you as your own person. He views you as something he owns, and no one else is allowed to touch you.

especially not Queen

but funnily enough, the easiest way to get King to open up to you is by... literally doing nothing.

one night he returns to you in quite the bitter mood, most likely because he just got into another squarrel with his fellow calamities or even Kaido himself, and now he needs someone to listen to him and his venting

since it takes a while for him to live something down, that same pattern repeats itself for a few more evenings, until eventually, he stops himself mid-rant to look over at you and asks: "Surely you agree, wouldn't you?"

and from there on out he begins to talk to you more and generally treats you better

because you always listen to him, King makes sure to repay you by also doing the same. He's quite attentive actually and picks up on most of your problems, often offering you a (mostly aggressive) solution to them

being around you helps him stay calm and also more in control of his emotions, he doesn't allow himself to burst out as often and never really snap at you. It comes to show that King really needs someone he can talk and vent to

he's keen on being the more dominant partner in the relationship, which shows the most whenever you're out in public together. He'll never let you out of his sight, almost monitors what you're doing and who you're talking to, and it's very easy to spike jealousy within him

that's because deep down he's honestly a bit worried that his feelings for you might make him soft, and there are days (especially in the beginning of your relationship) where he refuses to talk to you and acts more grumpy as a result

once King begins to really fall for you it becomes very easy for others to irk him by just bringing up your name. Mentioning you while he's nearby will instantly make the Commander perk up and he'll demand to know what others know about you

lowkey,,, he wants to keep you his little secret for as long as possible. If Queen or Kaido find out about how much he cares about you they'll probably tease him, or worse, want to get to know you

it won't take long tho until King respects you and your opinions more than that of his other two Commanders + captain

before he goes out on a mission he often leaves behind a few gifts for you, which are usually things he heard you talk about and considers useful for you to entertain yourself with while he's gone

contrasting to his usual edgy leather style he almost exclusively likes to see you in beautiful kimonos or colorful dresses, preferably those he picked out for you

he never gives kisses and even in private doesn't take off his helmet too often, however that doesn't mean he has anything against you kissing his covered face

when you're alone King likes to get pampered and for you to really make him feel as if he's,,, your king lmao

and as mentioned in an earlier post he might have a thing for back massages and letting you relieve some of his build up tension that way

the calamity can be a good and attentive partner to you, but from time to time he might act more like a parental figure or stoic ex-lover lol

warning for filth under the cut!

Nsfw

sooo we sort of know from Queen that King is supposedly a bit of a pervert, and I could really see him being the kind of guy who'd like for you to fight him for dominance in bed

there won't be a single night with him just laying back and taking it, nor is he going to give you any release unless he thinks you deserve it/earned it

he wants you to fight for it, show him how much you want it, and only then will he bring you the pleasure you so deeply desire

King gets easily bored by doing the same thing over and over again though. That's why, when your usual struggling starts to tire him, he's not opposed to using certain 'tools' to spice up the experience

he owns a fucking machine and if you did something throughout tue day that annoyed him, he'll tie you up and have you taken by the machine instead of him (while he watches of course)

it may sound like punishment to you but it's actually a lot worse for him. I mean, you're still getting fucked, whereas he's standing there watching, trying to keep himself from interfering and taking over himself...

the sight of your body squirming around in pleasure is like fine art to him and a million times better than any of those pronographic illustrations displayed in Black Maria's brothel

now talking about his own pleasure, King loves receiving blowjobs and handjobs. Even when he's sitting at his desk working on something, the calamity is sure to have you between his legs, edging him on or sucking him off while he's struggling to focus on his work

some of King's kinks include: spanking (both getting and receiving), controlled fire- and temperature-play, using aphrodisiacs or stimulating drugs before sex, creampieing, consensual degrading or name-calling, BDSM, handcuffs, making you wear a collar with his name on it-

but more than anything, sex really helps him relax. No matter how harsh he was during foreplay, after he came for the first time he's a whole lot softer and less strict with what you need to do to earn your orgasm

King sucks at aftercare tho. Once he's fully had his fill and you're a panting but satisfied mess, he'll go straight to bed and will never talk about what happened that night ever again.

and although he's quite risky in the bedroom he never allows any sexual activity, or even romantic teasing like flirting, out in public. If you dare to try and be frisky with him anyway, you'll be in for a very special punishment tonight

[flowerflamestars]

Hey hey hey 😀 not sure if you've been getting my asks(could really be my WiFi too) or Tumblr has been up to no good again, but hey how was ACOSF? I gather from your updates and posts you're just disappointed by it. A lot of us are. Hope you've been doing well after reading Acosf 😅

Hey babe! I know I have at least one from you that I need to answer- entirely my bad, I’ve been going through my inbox in little chunks. Yall have been too lovely and the influx is great :)

Disappointment is very much the right word. 

The big thing- ignoring that Nesta as a character was meaningful, or that the baby plot line was big swing in every wrong way possible, the plotting is a MESS- is that I think the story resoundingly fails on both it’s goals.

It’s a recovery story, a healing story. And a romance.

BIG SPOILERS AHEAD

Nesta is stripped of her autonomy. And I want to be extremely clear on that- this is framed as an intervention and it is not an intervention. It is not, at any point, really about Nesta becoming healthy. It’s about control. Rhys says it, Feyre says it, Cassian says it: Nesta is a problem. Nesta affects their reputation. Nesta needs to be punished.

Morrigan, a fellow abuse/assault survivor, tells Cassian with absolute seriousness that they should just throw Nesta into the Court of Nightmares and leave her there. Because she’s just as bad.

WHAT

The entire structure is that Nesta needs to change- but it isn’t about her being safer, her finding her way- it’s about the fact that her being suicidally depressed makes her sister sad.

So yeah, Nesta gets stronger. Because one of her two-pronged punishments is army training with the man she once loved and has been trying to distance herself from for YEARS. Who proceeds to control what she wears, when she sleeps, WHAT SHE EATS. Who laughs, when she gets hurt. 

By the end of the story, the issue Nesta has confronted, from her laundry list of trauma is...that she’s bitchy to her sisters in instances of extreme distress/hardship. 

That she...blames herself for the death of her abusive, absent father, who in no way contributed to her life from the time of her mothers death into her adulthood until he showed up for...ten seconds in acowar, named a ship after her, and immediately died. Watching a parent die? traumatic as hell. Retconning an ENTIRE parent-child relationship to make a character have something more palatable to struggle with? Bad writing.

Rape hangs over Nesta like a cloud this whole novel, but she never talks about it. It never in any way comes up while her and Cassian are having rough sex on every available surface.

She never heals, and she never becomes comfortable as a faery. She gives up her power. 

Literally AND figuratively- Nesta is the same person at the end of the novel, but now she can punch really hard? has no magic, gave up a destiny the book STRONGLY IMPLIES was actually, really, always about Rhysand. All that changed is now she’s finally bent enough to play by the rules of the same people who condemned her for responding to the terrible things that happened it her...in ways exactly like they have and continue to do.

It makes me so sad, you know?

Which brings us to Cassian.

Who is supposed to be the emotionally intuitive one. The one who has survived so much, who understands trauma. Who more than that, understands Nesta, better than anyone else.

That is not the man in this book. 

He’ll make this earnest declarations that sound...almost right? and then ten seconds later he’s guilt-tripping her. Saying just, absolute bullshit to her. Sexualizing her in her lowest moments.

It’s not enemies to lovers- Cassian is ashamed of Nesta when the book begins. Takes active glee in physically punishing her when she’s having a breakdown 600 pages later, on what it supposed to be the great tipping point of their relationship.

At no point does this man seem to even LIKE Nesta. He wants to have sex with her. He want her to do what he wants and obey 1) him and 2) their High Lord and Lady. 

Nesta, who even toward the end of the book, as I said STILL IS NOT HEALING AT ALL, tells Cassian: “I don’t deserve you, and I never, ever will.”

Cassian’s response it to...kiss her?

Tell her: “You’re not going to marry Eris.” “There will be no one for else. For either of us.”

And then Nesta says yes, cries more, and they have sex again.

oh yeah, and then in the morning he runs off? To have a snowball fight? And then doesn’t speak to her or see her for three days.

I just. This dynamic never gets better. Proud, strong, intelligent, ferocious Nesta is always kind of like: will you look at me? you’re good and i am not. 

She’s not safe in this love. Not comfortable, not ever on even ground. The entire dynamic of this relationship has brought her low and keeps her there.

So like, in the end. They have this fight where Cassian fully starts yelling at her...in public...because she isn’t saying yes! we’re mates! I’m going to quote it here:

“I am your mate, for fucks sake!” Cassian shouted, loud enough for people across the river to hear. “You are my mate! Why are you still fighting it?”

She let the truth, voiced at last, wash over her.

“You promised me forever on Solstice,” he said, voice breaking, “Why is one word somehow throwing you off that?”

“Because with that one word, the last scrap of my humanity goes away!” She didn’t care who say them, who heard. “With that one stupid word, I am no longer human in any way. I’m one of you!”

He blinked. “I thought you wanted to be one of us.”

“I don’t know what I want. I didn’t have a choice.”

“Well, I didn’t have a choice in being shackled to you, either.”

GUYS. I hate this fight to unfathomable levels.

so yes, he immediately tries to recant it...but like, let’s follow the thread for a minute. They’re together, really together, ever since the stupid moment Nesta said she was trash and didn’t deserve Cassian and Cassian said...you and me! forever! let’s fuck about it!

I get that the matebond is a precious thing- but god, it could not be clearer Cassian just...doesn’t respect Nesta even a little bit? She won’t use the word, so he’s yelling at her.

a page before: “That word means nothing to me, Cassian,” she said, voice thick as she tried to keep people who strode past from overhearing. “It means something to all of you, but for most of my life husband and wife was as good as it got. Mate is just a word.”

BECAUSE SHE WAS HUMAN. Because, very validly... Nesta has been fae for, two years? Her baseline is human, that’s how she feels. And she’s not wrong??

Faeries get married too. It’s not mates or nothing. 

In my imaginary book, Cassian goes: why Archeron, is that a proposal? Because I’d love nothing more than to be your husband.

In THIS BOOK, he snaps: “That’s bullshit.”

Annnd cue fight.

Not only is Cassian so, so disrespectful of Nesta’s feelings...HE THOUGHT SHE WANTED TO BE A FAERY?

Are you kidding me, canon? Nesta was drowned against her will in the Cauldron! Cassian was there, unconscious in a pool of his own blood, still trying to reach her and save her. The ENTIRE pivot of her character that slides her into the dark place this book is meant to heal her from is her complete loss of autonomy at Hyberns hands.

and then the shackle line. I just...obviously, people say things in arguments they don’t mean, But Cassian never once stops going for what hurts the most where Nesta is concerned, and is yet baffled by her responses. He understands how to hurt her, but not how to comfort her when they’re fully clothed.

And then the end is...they’re mates. They’re going to have babies. They’re going to have a big faery mating ceremony. Nesta’s feelings aren’t not addressed, they magically cease to exist.

I’m sorry this turned into a FULL RANT- but yes, I’m disappointed. 

Its always the same story: the difficult woman has to soften. Learn to be nice. Power? she can’t have that. She’s going to have a mate and babies, that’s her journey, because that’s every woman's journey.

There is one bright spot, which I do have to mention. I love Nesta’s friends. 

They’re her real chance at recovery, that the IC have nothing to do with. And you know what? she makes them right off the bat. It’s crazy how if you treat someone like a person, they can function like one.

I just want them to have their own story far, far away from everyone else. 

[bookwyrminspiration]

PLS TELL ME ABOUT THE HISTORY OF CADAVERIC DISSECTION I WANNA HEAR ALL OF IT PLS PLS PLS

Yes yes yes!! I would love to!!! I love this subject!! /g

disclaimer: I’m not an expert, I just think the topic is interesting and research it in my spare time

so I think one of the more fascinating aspects of human dissection, is that originally it all started with the goal of finding the soul. These people wanted to figure out where in the body the soul was kept, as the soul was the part of you that would outlast your body and persevere forever. This is a fairly religious outlook, but it’s what motivated them. It’s an outlook that can be seen with the ancient Egyptians, although they were taking apart the body for purposes of preservation, not to study the anatomy. A lot of earlier people actually thought the heart was the most important organ and not the brain, which was why it wasn’t preserved in the mummification process.

But now for actually dissection! We go back to Ancient Greece, 3 BCE, where Herophilus of Chalcedon and Erisistratus of Ceos practiced. We actually don’t have any record of them or their practice, as their studies were burned in Alexandria (I believe the second burning, the one by Theophilus). We just know they existed because they were mentioned by later people. These two are generally considered the first two people to practice human dissection, which is why they’re important. I bet you’ll probably never hear there names in discussion of anything else.

But after Alexandria burned, human dissection vanished for 1,700 years, later coming back in 14th century Italy. As of the 12th century it wasn’t expressly prohibited, but there was a phrase that translated to “the church abhors blood” that was misinterpreted as a ban. But later on the Holy Roman Emperor, Fredrick II, said a body needed to be dissected every five years in order to study anatomy. So the first publicly sanctioned dissection since Ancient Greece took place in 1315. However, the style of dissections during these time periods are absolutely atrocious in terms of effectiveness.

There were three people involved. The Lector, who read aloud from a text (an out of date, inaccurate text); the Ostensor, who pointed at the part of the body to be dissected; and the Sector, who did the actually cutting people open part. However, the Lector never actually saw the body being opened, they just read from the text. So the person teaching the students couldn’t actually see the body, which isn’t great. Also, most of these dissections were taking place to just reinforce what students had already learned, not the actually explore the body.

Around the middle of the 14th century, it became mandatory in some universities to attend a dissection before you could graduate, which led to a sudden high demand for cadavers that just couldn’t be met. So how are these bodies acquired? Students were required to pay for and attend the funerals of the people they dissected, which was meant to encourage families to offer the body for dissection in exchange for a free funeral. Wasn’t quite enough to satisfy the demand, but it was enough that murder and grave robbing weren’t really a problem yet.

Anatomists and medical students weren’t the only people dissection bodies though. Dissection came back originally in Italy, and later on during the Renaissance many artists and sculptors would perform dissections to get a more accurate knowledge of the human form. Although many did choose to just stick to observation of the human form opposed to cutting it apart.

Now if you’ll remember, the dissections done with three people didn’t explore the body or have the Lector involved with the actual cadaver. This changed when Vesalius entered the picture, as he thought if you wanted to learn anatomy, you had to do the dissection yourself. However he was a student at this time and didn’t have many opportunities to dissect, so he would take bodies from the mound of Monfaucon, where executed criminals bodies would be hanged until they disintegrated. While unethical, it did give him a more thorough understanding of anatomy that he displayed when he took over from his Sector and started cutting open the body himself.

Now let’s take a little jump over to England. England was a little behind everyone else, starting dissection in the 16th century (this delay is likely due to the church). So the demand for cadavers rises because texts from Italy and France are making their way to England and now medical students are interested. So now the government needs to come up with a way to legally supply bodies, hence the Murder Act of 1752, which said executed murders could be dissected. This was both to legally provide bodies and to discourage murder.

However, while it wasn’t really a problem in 14th century Italy, grave robbing has now become a serious problem because the government just can’t meet the demand of the dissectors. There was even a specific name for the people who dug up bodies and sold them to medical schools: they were called body-snatchers by the general public and resurrectionists by medical schools. But there was another way bodies could be attained: murder. William Burke and William Hare killed at least 16 people and sod them to medical schools. They would kill these people by getting them intoxicated and then suffocating them, as this method would go undetected by the doctors they sold them too (as opposed to like, a slit throat). This specific style of murder was actually named after William Burke and called “burking.” Ironically when he was caught he was executed, and because executed criminals were fair game, he was dissected.

So because murder had become a problem, the anatomy act of 1832 was passed, which allowed unclaimed bodies of the poor from workhouses to be used for dissection purposes. If the body was still in the workhouse 48 hours after death, it was considered unclaimed. (Bodies we’re dissection 3-4 days after death because otherwise the stench would become unbearable). This made these corpses cheap and legal, so it was no longer worth the price of buying them from illegally procured sources. So yay, Murder has successfully been avoided. At the cost of the poor. This reasonably led to a rift between classes, as the poor didn’t want to be dissected and the rich wanted dissections for the purposes of science. Dissection had been used on executed criminals for long that it had become synonymous with capital punishment, and now all the sudden it’s like they’re saying these people are being punished for being poor.

The way people rationalized it was saying the bodies they were taking (and continued to take into the 20th century) were just repaying their debt to the society that had looked after them when alive. This is why soldiers were never dissected, as their service was considered repayment. However around this same time to workhouses began to close, so the number of corpses available decreased. So where do they get more bodies? From people who died in psychiatric asylums. They also explored other marginalized people, like immigrants and people of color. Enslaved people were considered property of their owner and could be sold, and what the family wanted didn’t matter. In Germany a large supply of bodies also came from concentration camps, with a legislation passed in 1942 that actually denied relatives of executed Poles and Jews the right to claim the body.

Now let’s hop over to the US. The US was very similar to Europe, however one thing that does stand out is the Uniform Anatomical Gift Act in 1968, stating that the deceased persons wish for their body now superseded that of their next of kin. This was important in terms of body donation, as now when someone wanted to donate their body that was respected above the families wishes. The act being successful also helped enact similar legislation around the world, like the Anatomy Act in 1984 in the UK. now medical students rely entirely on body donation to have cadavers to dissect in almost every part of the world. And it’s been proven time and time again and backed by medical students that their knowledge of anatomy and the human form is greatly improved when they have the chance to attend a dissection. Another aspect of this is keeping students sensitized, reminded that this was a real living person deserving of respect. That’s partially why earlier students would pay for and attend the funerals, to sensitize them. Now the students may meet the families of the person they’re dissecting prior to doing so.

Medicine has definitely come a long au since the idea of the four humors (which id also be happy to talk about /g), and there’s some very thorough resources out there if you want to look! I could give you the links to a few of my favorite if you’d like /g, but this is just a general summary of human dissection as a whole. Thanks so much for asking about it because I adore the subject and would love to talk about it anytime!!

[gaymershigh]

I finally found a blog for male readers, thank you so much! Could I please request hcs for deuce, ace, and octavinelle trio with an mc who likes to give them piggyback rides? Like man just likes carrying them around. Thank you!

No problem, annonie! This fandom doesn't really welcome male readers that much despite they're so many guys and male OCs in here! I did this in like 2 am and only posted now so please forgive the low qualityness of this fanfic-

Triggers: none!

Deuce, Ace, Azul, Jade and Floyd with a male s/o who likes to give them piggyback rides

Oh no.

He's very embarrassed.

He's supposed to be the one giving you piggyback rides, not vice versa! Doesn't mean he hates it though.

If anything, he loves it. He's just too shy to admit it.

Public or private, he will be a blushing stuttering mess.

The first time you done it, you two were on your way to the Ramshackle dorm after shopping for dinner. You felt bad for making him hold your things and decided to surprise him with giving him a piggyback ride to thank him for carrying your groceries.

So you decided to do so, which lead to Deuce screaming like a pterodactyl.

But of course, doing it publicly is way worse. Ace will always make fun of him everytime you pick him up and place him on his shoulders with Epel sometimes recording you two.

Everytime you put him on your back, he will be so stiff, you'll probably think he's a mannequin if it wasn't for his heart beating like it's an earthquake.

He'll hug your upper torso and bury his face on the crook of your neck, his soft breathing tickling your neck.

Well, that's if you carry him on your back but if it's on your shoulder...

He's gone, his soul has left his body. You can consider him dead now.

The feeling of his thighs wrapped around your head feels kinda wrong for him but for you? Probably heaven.

The more you do it, the more he loves it. He might be ok with you doing this publicly! That will take a long time though, probably a year or two.

If someone makes fun of any of you when you carry him, they're dead meat.

He will try to give you a piggyback ride in return but if you're above 190cm then you might accidentally crush him.

He hates it, no doubt. Not only the fact you do this in front of his mates, you do this anywhere, anytime with no warning.

You might take this too far and do this in front of his brother! He's not gonna hear the end of it.

This is going to be new reason why Grim and Ace fights to the death now, Grim kept making fun of him because he doesn't really repent that much about your intimate actions.

To be honest, he won't care about this if this happens in private, he genuinely enjoys and unlike Deuce, he actually tells you he's nice.

That's a big mistake, you think he's now comfortable doing this in public. That assumption didn't last long when you placed on your back and he started screaming utter nonsense.

He likes wrapping his hands around you and placing kisses around your neck if he has the chance, you saw him embarrassed so it's fair if he sees you blushing too, right?

This moron is a huge tease. He might whispers 'god-upsetting' things in your ears and he'll just laugh at you when you get startled.

However, he doesn't mind you giving him piggyback rides if he's tired or in a lazy mood. Maybe you can give him a piggyback ride while running away from trouble maybe?

He prefers it if you place him on top of your shoulders, he likes the tall view and he can give you some head pats to tell you how a good boy you are to him!

If you're the type of guy that everyone loves, he'll LOVE getting piggyback rides even more!

The feeling of pissing off everyone nearby and dating someone do loved makes him feel so powerful, don't even start about the bragging part.

He seems to be ok with you doing this privately. Yes, he panicked the first time you carried on your back but as time passes by, he handles it in a great way.

Until the first time you picked him up in public.

It was the end of the beans day event and you were on your way to Octavinelle with your very tired boyfriend. He looked very tired so you offered to give him a light back ride, he said yes unconsciously.

So when you do so, he snapped back in reality, he's yelling and wiggling himself to get out of this embarrassing position.

Unfortunately, the twins saw what had happened and he was teased nonstop.

For the sake of your boyfriend's sanity, please don't give him piggyback rides in public. Yes, he wished you two can do it together publicly like lovey-dovey boyfriends but he has a reputation and a professional role to keep.

He has no hesitation to nag at you to stop. If it means his reputation will not be tarnished, he will do it. Don't worry, he'll apologize later.

He's a workaholic and he'll usually ignore your words when it's about his sleeping schedule so do you know what'll make him go to bed?

That's right, piggyback carry him to the bed, he'll repent for a bit but if you wrapped your arms under the blankets then he'll stay silent and go along.

He loves back and shoulder rides equally, he just loves the feeling of being close with you.

Unlike the previous two, he will never accept public affection in general. You might need to travel to a parallel universe just to see a super affectionate Azul.

Aren't you a brave one? If you two weren't dating he would've snapped your neck.

He's not embarrassed at all, more like shock that'll quickly change to amusement.

He's rather curious at to why you like to do this little gesture. The creatures in the sea never done anything affectionate like the humans do. It's so entertaining to him.

This all started with you keeping him company while the two of you climb a mountain for the club activity. He was a little bit tired and you're still full of energy, so you had an idea to give him a free ride from you.

He quietly gasped as you suddenly brought him to your back and continued back walking like nothing happened. Surprisingly, he didn't seem to asked you to stop probably because there's nobody around.

He warned you to never do this in public since he has a reputation to take care of just like his dorm leader.

He sometimes take this to an advantage of this little habit of yours by making you walk as he wrap his beautiful long arms around you and looking at ground, mushroom hunting.

You probably love shoulder piggyback rides when it's with him. His thick thighs wrapped around your head while he lovingly gazes at you is a godtier experience that will never be forgotten.

One time your friends caught you giving Jade a ride in the forest and their reaction is either shock, confusion or unnerved, this is a blursed sight.

With his tall figure, he'll probably do the same thing to you as well since you definitely deserve it.

He'll let you have your fun for now as long as you don't break his one and only rule, or else you'll face the punishment.

Unlike the others, he immediately loves this gesture, it's so affectionate and fun, he wished this also happens in his homeland, it's paradise for Floyd!

Please pay respects to Riddle, this is more hell to him ever since Floyd found out about piggyback rides.

Just like his twin, he wonders why you like this so much but he doesn't blame since he loves it just as you!

All of this chaos happened when you see your boyfriend in his mood swings, napping on the usual bench at the courtyard. Not only his emotions mode is bad but he might get caught by Sir Crewel and that will make his emotions even worse.

You kept waking him up to tell him to at least sleep in his dorm or yours but he doesn't even budge. You had no choice but to carry him behind your back. What you didn't expect was for him to be fully awake, asking you excitedly what are you doing.

When you explained what a piggyback ride is, he's all for it. He wants you to carry him 24/7.

He couldn't care less about what other people say. If it's fun, he'll do it.

He's actually the only person in this list that actually supports and persistently asks you for piggyback rides.

The school is like hellfire now. Everyday, students have to witness you and your boyfriend behind your back, running around the halls with Jade trying to stop you two.

He also loves shoulder rides! The fact that he still feels tall without the need to stand is definitely a huge yes for him.

No doubt, giving you a ride is a must for him. You can have a nice view and him running while you're either behind or on top of him is a rollercoaster nonetheless.

This is the most disappointing fic for me, doing this in a not so good state is a terrible idea.

-𝕸𝖎𝖗𝖎

[cardinalnuggets]

Not Letting Go

Pairing: Ayna x f!mc Word Count: 1951 Rating: T Summary: Adrenaline is really great at numbing the pain. Set just after the end of FA. Prompts: "bandaging the other’s hand and not quite letting go" Tagging: @robintora @brycesgirl @heygmicheelle @saratustra4 (if anyone else wants to be added let me know!)

Of all the kisses they had shared, Kennedy was sure this one was the best. It was far more chaste than those they had shared earlier in the night, but the meaning behind this one was everything. This kiss was freedom from secrets, and from hiding. This was them being open and basking in the truth of how they felt for one another. They no longer cared what anyone else thought; only each other.

A giant weight was lifting from Kennedy’s mind with each brush of Ayna’s lips against hers, but there was an anxiety in the pit of her stomach growing and growing. There was no doubt in her mind that this was the right decision for them, but the level of scrutiny they would now face would be staggering. The invasion of her privacy since the “scandal” was bad enough, but now that they had a face and a name, Kennedy doubted they would know peace for quite a long time.

And of course, the second their lips parted, there was an explosion of noise from the press before them.

“Kennedy! Who’re you kissing?”

“Is this the woman from the scandal? It wasn’t Evelyn was it?”

“Are you two together?”

The noise was overwhelming, most of the questions nearly indecipherable. Ayna’s hand clasped tightly in hers was the only thing grounding her, the only thing stopping her from running.

“You can do this,” Ayna mouthed to her, squeezing her hand quickly in hers.

With a deep breath, Kennedy nodded and turned to the press. She raised her free hand in the air, asking for quiet. Several long moments passed before the uproar faded into background noise, each and every reporter champing at the bit to hear what ever scraps she was going to give them.

“I have a short statement to make,” Kennedy began, in a voice more confident than she felt, but she was used to running on adrenaline and faking until she made it at this point, “and time for a couple of questions.”

Every single reporter leant forward, eager to not miss a single word. It would have been an amusing sight if they weren’t all waiting to splash her private life all over their newspapers. The silence now was almost deafening, broken only by the occasional sound of a camera shutter.

“This is Ayna,” Kennedy gestured towards her with the hand not wrapped around hers and watched as Ayna gave a cautious wave, “she’s my girlfriend.” God, Kennedy thought, that feels so good to say out loud.

Momentarily, they were blinded by the flashes of cameras as each paparazzo clamoured to get the perfect shot of this “historic” moment.

“We’ve been seeing each other for some time and have decided it’s now time to let the people of Rutherland know. Although we are excited to share this happy news with you all, we would ask for privacy and understanding. We are, after all, only human. Thank you.”

The silence broke then, replaced with chaos and uproar as everyone screamed their questions at the couple standing before them. Kennedy tugged Ayna closer so they could each draw strength from the other.

Raising her hand again for silence had little effect, so instead Kennedy shouted, “If I can’t hear the questions, I can’t answer them.” That soon calmed them, and she couldn’t help the little grin of triumph that slid onto her face in place of her usual polite mask.

“You in the red skirt, you may ask your question.”

“Is she the same woman you were photographed with in the lake a few weeks ago?” She didn’t miss a beat.

“Yes.” It was Ayna that answered, in a voice so calm that Kennedy would have thought she’d done this a hundred times before.

Shooting her a soft smile, Kennedy raised her arm again before the pandemonium could restart.

“And you with the blue suit, you can have the final question.”

“Thank you. Can I just start by saying congratulations?” His voice was smarmy and Kennedy instantly regretted letting him speak. Not wanting to seem impolite, though, she threw him her signature fake-grateful smile. “Why now?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Why wait until now to go public? Why not when the scandal hit? Or when it was clear that it couldn’t be easily brushed under the carpet?”

There were a hundred answers to this question, all starting and ending with Kennedy not wanting Ayna’s name to be dragged through the mud. She knew that as soon as the press figured out that Ayna was her TA, she could kiss her career goodbye. Nobody deserved that, especially not someone as kind and caring as her girlfriend.

“That was down to me, I’m afraid.” Once again Ayna spoke up before Kennedy had the chance. She turned to Ayna with wide eyes, questioning with her gaze if she was sure about this. She nodded subtly, squeezing Kennedy’s hand gently. “I wasn’t prepared for a life in the public eye yet. I asked Kennedy to give me time to adjust, which she has done. I’m in awe of her for the way she has handled this alone and respect her so much for all she has done to keep me sheltered.”

Kennedy melted hearing Ayna talk about her with such tenderness. Wrapping an arm around her waist, she couldn’t help but stare at her in wonder. As much as she was glad to be out in the open now, she was done sharing Ayna with the world for tonight.

“That’s all we have time for I’m afraid,” she announced, barely sparing them a glance as she led her girlfriend towards the embassy. The chaos as they turned their backs was unparalleled, but neither of them seemed to notice, focussed as they were on getting back inside.

“You were amazing out there,” Kennedy whispered, grinning stupidly at Ayna.

Letting out a long breath, she turned to Kennedy with a strained smile. “I think that was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done.”

“Do you regret it?”

“No. Absolutely not.” As if to reinforce her claim, she reached behind her back to squeeze the hand resting on her back. A wince scrunched her face up as she did so and she immediately pulled back, holding her hand in front of her face. “Whoops,” was all she murmured, wincing again.

“What?” Kennedy asked, gently taking her hand between her own. She didn’t even need to bring it any closer to see how raised and raw Ayna’s knuckles looked. How had she not noticed this before? It looked so painful.

“I must have hurt it fighting Winston off you. The adrenaline must have numbed the pain.”

“Ayna!” Kennedy all but scolded. She stared at her girlfriend wide-eyed before letting go of her hand. “Go and wait in the room we were in earlier and I’ll go and find some ice or something. The swelling is only gonna get worse the longer you leave it.”

Ten minutes later Kennedy pushed her way into the room, her arms laden with an ice bucket, cloth napkins and a first aid kit. Ayna was sitting on the ottoman in front of the bed, her expression a mixture between pain and sheepishness. Kennedy hated seeing it, hated knowing that it was because of her that she was in pain. If she’d just learned self-defence from Tatum or been smart enough to see Winston for what he truly was before he could best her, then Ayna would be fine.

Shaking it off because she needed to focus on helping Ayna get better, she sank to the floor by her girlfriend’s feet, depositing her things next to her.

“Hey,” she said softly, “how’s the hand?”

“Sore,” she replied with a rueful smile, “I’m sorry.”

Kennedy looked up at her in alarm, her hands absently stuffing ice into a napkin. “What do you have to be sorry for?”

Ayna shrugged, then lifted her injured hand a little. “This.”

“You got injured protecting me. You don’t have to be sorry. You probably saved my life tonight!”

The soft smile on Ayna’s face only faltered as Kennedy gently cradled her hurt hand with one of hers and pressed the ice to the raw flesh. She hissed, gritting her teeth through the sting.

“Sorry.” It was Kennedy’s turn to apologise this time. She hatedseeing her in pain. “It’ll get better I promise.”

“I’d do it again, you know.”

“Do what again?”

“Fight someone to save your life.” Her voice was serious, and Kennedy knew she was being serious, but still there was mischief dancing in those dark eyes. Kennedy revelled in both. It was thrilling knowing that someone cared about her so much that they wouldn’t even think twice about getting hurt so she wouldn’t. But she also loved that Ayna would turn it into a joke to clear the tension from the air. She truly was spectacular.

Leaning up, Kennedy met Ayna’s lips in a lingering kiss, feeling the strain dissipate from them both. “As long as you know I’d do the same for you,” Kennedy murmured as she leant her forehead against Ayna’s

“Deal.” She smiled warmly as Kennedy readjusted herself to check on the swelling under the ice. “It might be better to make sure your bodyguard is always with you, though.”

Kennedy laughed as she reached for the bandages and began wrapping them tightly around Ayna’s knuckles. “I think you’re just as capable as Tatum is when it comes down to it,” she joked, sending her a cheeky grin, “but you’re right, I just didn’t think I would need protection around Winston. He pulled me so far away from everyone before I’d even realised he’d done it.”

“Why would you think you needed protection? You’ve known him your whole life.” Ayna’s free hand raised to cup her cheek, thumb stroking against the skin. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Kennedy. He was the only one in the wrong.”

Kennedy nodded slowly as she finished wrapping Ayna’s bandage and tied the ends together to stop it unravelling. She knew Ayna was right, really she did, but she couldn’t help but feel stupid that she’d let someone get the best of her like that. In hindsight, she could see all the signs pointing to Winston’s odd behaviour which she hadn’t thought twice about at the time. She really should have known.

“Thank you,” Ayna whispered, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of Kennedy’s hair.

“It was the least I could do,” Kennedy murmured back, cradling the newly wrapped hand in between both of hers.

She lost herself in thought then, of everything that had happened tonight, of everything that had happened since she had arrived at Vancross. So much had happened – lots good, and more bad. But sitting here quietly with her girlfriend, she knew she would do it all again in a heartbeat if it meant she could feel the hope and the happiness she felt while in Ayna’s presence. That was worth everything.

“Shall we?” Ayna asked after they’d sat in silence for several minutes, Kennedy steadfastly refusing to let go of her injured hand.

“It’s been an emotional night, I wish I could just stay up here with you. Alone.” She let out a deep sigh before heaving herself to her feet. “But we should go back. People will notice if we don’t come back.”

“At least we don’t have to be apart even once now that everyone knows,” Ayna reminded her with a smile, offering her good hand.

“Hmm that’s definitely the highlight of the night.”

Hand in hand, they walked back down to the ballroom to re-join the party, not once straying from the other the whole night.

[sidecarghost]

(x)

Proof Castiel is Sam Winchester’s blurry non-gendered spouse.

Y yo at ti, Cas.

And I, you.

Castiel honoring Dean’s wishes. And watches over Sam for the rest of his life.

Spn 11x23 Alpha and Omega

CAS: I could go with you.

DEAN: No, I got to do this alone. Listen, if—when—when this works, Sam—he's gonna be a mess. So look out for him, okay? Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.

CAS: Of course.

DEAN: [places his hand on Cas’s shoulder] Thank you for everything.

I think Sastiel would have fun married couple adventures. And they’d both be amazing dads for their son Dean. Cas probably splits his time between cosmic duties with Jack and time with Sam. So his presence is more in the background and out of focus then attention demanding.

Sam and Cas both miss Dean terribly, but they accept Dean just wasn’t ready to flip that hourglass over one more time for a chance at a normal life. And even though they can’t understand it they respect that it was Dean’s choice to make.

Getting married wasn’t planned by Sam and Cas, but they both consoled each other over Dean’s violent passing at a young age. And Sam wanted to hunt but knew better than to hunt on his own so he prayed to Cas, and Cas came to help. When Cas learned Dean Winchester died from getting jabbed by pointy rebar he was devastated. Dean didn’t pray to him, so Cas kept his distance from Heaven. He figured Dean would call when he was ready for him. Or if he was ever ready for him.

Cas knew Dean would want Sam to have a good life, so Cas picked that as his new mission and made sure to carry foam packs to cover pointy metal wherever Sam went. Sam rolled his eyes at Cas’s attempt to baby proof the Earth but he was touched to see the angel pull himself out of his own misery to watch over Sam.

After months of monster hunting Sam told Cas he was quitting. The hunting had been a way to cope with the soul crushing sorrow of losing his brother. But hunting wasn’t who he was anymore. Castiel thought and nodded. He thought the Winchester’s had bled enough for humanity and deserved some peace.

~~ I meant to poke at this idea a little bit, but it got lengthy and remainder is under the cut. And it’s just a happy Sastiel fic pretty much following the finale without much deviation, but is meant to make the whole Sam montage less soulless. I don’t have any resolution for Dean, because Dean’s character is just ruined for me at the moment. His meaningless death in series finale still prevents me from writing anything remotely cheerful for Dean. So I’m just avoiding doing anything more than mentioning him.~~

Sam and Castiel rented a little house, because the bunker was too depressing to live in. Castiel called in a favor with Jack to expunge all the Winchester’s public records. Sam and Dean were now upstanding citizens with a spotless record. Dean’s obituary now stated he died during a construction accident while working on a barn. Castiel had a mausoleum built for the Winchester’s, and even though Dean’s remains had been burned he tracked down every molecule of scattered carbon ash that had been part of Dean and set it in his coffin. He also held a second service for the hunter that was a huge affair exactly as Dean had wished for when he faced off against Amara.

Meanwhile, Sam Winchester had started taking night courses to get his law degree and pass the bar exam. With his spotless record he was able to become a prosecuting attorney and did amazing work bringing criminals to justice within the judicial system.

Castiel ends up being really good at dog training after working with Miracle on obedience and agility training. So he starts a dog training school for pet owners to learn how to train their pets without any harsh methods.

One day around Christmas, Sam and Cas are sitting on the couch watching some lgbt hallmark Christmas movie and drinking eggnog. Cas leans his head on Sam’s chest, and they start kissing and they don’t stop. Maybe they both still missed Dean and were just looking for a distraction or maybe they both had slowly fallen in love with each other over the years. They have a small ceremony and Castiel spends the rest of his immortal life proudly bearing the Winchester last name as his own.

Angel reproduction may grant human vessels hermaphrodite sex organs or maybe Sam finds a spell that lets Cas or himself swap sex. Whatever the case, they decide to have a family and nine months later their son Dean is born. Dean is a nephilim, and he has a good heart and a kind soul just like his dads. And he also has all the selflessness and sensitivity of his deceased uncle enjoying a solitary road trip across Heaven.

Original Charlie was brought back by Jack, (along with everyone else that had sacrificed their lives and wanted to have another chance to live a normal life). Charlie buys baby Dean the most obnoxious toddler overalls ever with the name “Dean” embroidered in bright yellow across the front. Sam takes one look at them and after a fit of laughter gets ready to throw them in the trash, but Castiel starts tearing up over them and traces out the letters. Sam doesn’t have the heart to tell him how ridiculous the pants look, so he just smiles at Cas and places a hand reassuringly on Cas’s waist and hopes Dean isn’t looking down from Heaven and seeing that outfit.

Sam lives a long life, and his death occurs at an old age while in hospice care at their home. Castiel knew Sam’s life was coming to an end, and he had been keeping an eye out for the reaper that would come to collect Sam’s soul. And finally one day he sees a reaper beside the bedside of his beloved. Cas fetched their son Dean to Sam’s bedside. He wants their son to have a chance to say goodbye to Sam while he’s alive, and then Cas will accompany Sam’s soul to Heaven. Castiel watches invisibly next to the quiet reaper standing nearby. He still feels a terrible ache in his heart that Dean had missed out on growing old.

After all this time, Castiel had still never heard a prayer from Dean. Bobby had told Castiel that he mentioned to Dean his rescue by Jack from the Empty. But that Dean had taken off in the Impala after that. It seemed that Bobby couldn’t resist busting Dean’s chops about John Winchester living next door. Maybe that attempt at a joke shook Dean, and he just needed 40 years to collect himself.

Regardless of the reason for Dean’s silence, Castiel thinks about the best way to facilitate the reunion of Sam and Dean without causing Dean any distress. Castiel decides he’ll stay invisible when Sam and Dean get their reunion in Heaven. He’ll let Sam tell Dean when he is ready, or maybe Dean will ask about him and that makes him smile softly to himself.

With that settled Cas lets his attention rest on his son. He is so proud of his and Sam’s son, and he is sure Dean will be proud of his nephew too. Their son will be able to visit freely between Heaven and Earth so this goodbye isn’t the end for them. 

Sam and Cas’s son, Dean, leans over the recumbent body of Sam Winchester and kisses him goodbye and tells him it’s okay to go. Sam’s eyes close for the final time. Then, a moment later, Sam’s soul is standing next to Castiel and the reaper. All the years have vanished from Sam’s appearance, and Cas is looking at the same young man he had fallen in love with watching formulaic romcoms some 40 years ago. Their son, Dean, can still see Sam, because his nephilim abilities let him pierce the Veil. He embraces his dad, and Sam tells his son to come visit him in Heaven whenever he wants, and Sam whispers to his son to promise to take good care of Castiel for him. Their son, Dean, nods with sincerity and whispers back to his dad Sam that he’ll keep that promise for the rest of his life.

Sam turns towards Castiel and the lovers share a passionate kiss. All the chronic pain from Sam’s failing health is gone. And Cas feels a rush of excitement from Sam’s rising libido. Cas kind of wishes the reaper and his son weren’t standing right there at this moment. Sam notices Castiel’s discomfort and laughs. He then offers his husband his hand to hold. Castiel gazes at Sam’s face with eyes full of love and takes hold of Sam’s hand.

Castiel locks on to the location of Dean’s soul in Heaven. He unfurls his majestic rainbow wings and flies Sam to a few feet behind his brother on the bridge. After he sets Sam down he sees Dean smile, and he hears the brothers greet each other. Castiel remains invisible and he sees the reaper responsible for Sam nod and teleport away. Castiel feels tears come to his eyes watching the two brothers have the reunion they have deserved for so long. He watches them embrace and smiles to himself.

A moment later Castiel teleports back to his home with his son Dean. The father and son hug, and Castiel begins making plans for a celebration of the life of Sam Winchester. He wants the funeral of Sam to be the biggest ever seen in their state. Sam and Dean had been true heroes and their memory deserved no less. The mausoleum where Sam and Dean’s remains rest will be guarded for eternity by the angel that loved them beyond all logic and reason.

While Castiel makes himself busy planning, his son Dean helps tidy the house and stumbles over a board game. “Hey dad, how do you play Twister?” Dean asks. Castiel can’t resist smiling and begins to explain the rules of the game to his son. “Can we bring some of these games to Heaven when we visit dad Sam and uncle Dean?” Dean asks. “Yes, I think that’s a great idea,” Cas smiles to his son thinking back to playing “Sorry” with Dean and “Connect 4″ with Jack. He feels like those were memories from yesterday and not decades ago. But decades is barely a moment relative to the immortal life of an angel.

“These games are special, Dean, because they give us the most precious thing in the universe,” Castiel tells his son. “They give us time spent enjoying the company of our loved ones. I haven’t spent very long on Earth in the company of humanity, but in my short time here I learned that time is a gift. It’s the most precious gift we can give the people we love. And spending that time on big gestures is never as fulfilling as just all the little things we can do together. The grand gestures seems to get forgotten rather quickly by those closest to use. Big events are important for posterity and the history books, and they are important for shaping the world we live in. I want Sam and Dean to have a big, beautiful funeral so their memory lives on for the people that didn’t know them well. The big funeral isn’t so much about me honoring them, as me keeping their story alive for posterity. But honoring them is even more important to me, and I honor them with every decision I make, for every moment of the day, for the rest of my existence. I choose the selfless and sensitive choice that Dean would have chosen, and I choose the courageous and loyal choice that Sam would have chosen. Humans were never meant to be grand visions set on a pedestal, they were meant to be appreciated on a much smaller scale along with full attention to their strengths and their quirks. 

“And our life spent together hurtling through space in orbit around a star is oddly enough defined by the mundane. The simple times spent together are the treasures that we seem ideally equipped to hold close and carry on.”

[thepunkbug]

Okay, so there’s a lot going on right now to do with Brendon Urie from Panic! At The Disco, and I figured I’d give my take on it.

Before I start, I should say I got most of my information from other people on social media - YouTube, Twitter, Tik Tok, and I read some articles. Because of where I got most of my information, I won’t be able to link anything, so I implore you to do your own research as well. That being said, here’s a brief rundown of what happened, with my opinion at the end.

First and foremost, Brendon has been called out for being racist. There’s a Vine of him mouthing along to the n-word, and while he didn’t outright say it, he did still mouth along to it. Being white, he had no business doing that, and he should’ve censored the word out entirely, but he didn’t. He’s since apologized and been a supporter of BLM, even going onto Twitch when George Floyd was killed, and making a post on his Instagram about how white privilege affects him, all of which can be found on YouTube or Instagram.

Secondly, he was accused of being transphobic. Most of you are probably confused because he is pansexual himself, and he wrote a song about bisexuality, and he can be found decked out in pride flags at concerts. However, there is a video of him at an interview saying the transphobic slur, and since he’s cisgender, he has no right using that word. From what I know, he was explaining his sexuality when someone asked him about it, and he quoted what someone had said to him, which included the transphobic slur. He’s since apologized on Periscope (I’m not sure if there’s a YouTube video of that or not), and as we all know, he’s been a huge advocate for LGBTQ+ rights ever since.

There’s also a video of Brendon joking about raping fans at a concert. You can find this on YouTube, where he says something along the lines of “If I see you after the show, I’m gonna fuck you. I don’t care if you want it - I care more if you don’t!” If the video isn’t edited shorter, you can also hear Dallon Weekes say “And I’m gonna watch,” though no one ever mentions that. This isn’t me trying to get Dallon cancelled. Quite frankly, I don’t like cancel culture and I think people are way too trigger happy to destroy someone’s career. My only reason for interjecting this is if you’re gonna get mad at Brendon for making that joke, then get mad at Dallon for adding onto it, too.

More recently, he’s been accused of sexually assaulting a fan. Someone on Twitter by the name of Kam retold a story of being a minor when he met Brendon, and Brendon was kissing and touching him inappropriately despite knowing he was a minor. There were also other accounts saying similar things happened to them. However, from what I know, the whole Kam thing was actually a Wattpad self-insert fanfiction that someone stole the plot of, and the multiple different accounts were actually one person, and they were lying, so there’s absolutely no evidence of Brendon sexually assaulting a minor or behaving inappropriately in that way whatsoever.

Lots of people also get upset with the Zack Hall thing. Zack Hall was Brendon’s bodyguard for a long time, and Breezy Weekes recently came out and said that Zack Hall basically sexually harassed her the entire time Dallon was in Panic!. Other people came out and said they had similar encounters with Zack Hall, and he’s now fired from Panic!. Similarly, when Kenny Harris was accused of sexually harassing/assaulting minors, he was also fired. People are upset because Brendon is remaining friends with Zack Hall, though I really don’t think that’s any of our business. As far as I see it, they’ve been close friends for years, and it’s hard to just drop that, even if they do something you disagree with. Also, Zack was fired, which is what people wanted. I think it’s dumb to hold Brendon to a friend’s actions, especially when he already fired him and removed him from fans, like everyone was asking him to do.

Also (and I’m not as well informed with this as other topics), there’s an interview somewhere of Ryan Ross being uncomfortable with Brendon’s stage gay. I’m not sure how many times they had that conversation or how often Ryan asked Brendon to not touch him or do the stage gay routine with him, or how many times Brendon disregarded that once they were onstage. Brendon should’ve respected Ryan’s wishes and not touched him the first time he was asked, but again, I don’t know the specifics here, so this is all I can comment on here.

[Edit: I had someone reach out to me in regards to the above information, and I decided to keep everything I originally wrote as context. According to them, there isn’t an interview of Ryan saying he’s uncomfortable with the stage gay, and it was all in fact scripted between the two of them. It sounds like people basically made up Ryan being uncomfortable with the act, in which case, these accusations also appear to be entirely false.] 

As we all know, Brendon struggled with drug and alcohol addiction, which literally impairs judgment and makes you do things you normally wouldn’t do. This includes saying things you shouldn’t (making rape jokes to a supposedly 18+ audience while likely drunk, high, or both) and doing things you shouldn’t (the stage gay routine). I’d also like to point out that a lot of the stuff he said at shows was probably to entertain, particularly the stage gay stuff, and there’s no way in hell you can convince me the audience didn’t eat that shit up. I wouldn’t be surprised if he did those things to get a reaction, and you know he fucking got one, so while I disapprove of him making Ryan uncomfortable, I also understand the audience there, expecting it, probably didn’t help either.

I think that’s everything. As you can see, it’s a lot of stuff, but I don’t think any of it is as bad as people say. Mouthing the n-word once doesn’t make a person racist. Saying a transphobic slur once doesn’t make a person transphobic. He especially isn’t either of these things when you take into account how he’s since apologized and shown incredible support for BLM and the LGBTQ+ community, which I think says a lot about him as a person.

This is going off track a little bit, but I think it’ll make a point. My dad grew up in the seventies, in a time where homophobia was rampant and racism was common. My dad grew up homophobic and racist, and he used homophobic slurs all the time as a teenager and a young adult. To this day, my dad has prejudiced views about race and sexuality, but he’s obviously changed his opinion since then, with education and understanding. He never apologized for the things he said back then, mostly because he isn’t famous and no one has called him out for it.

The point is, if people held my dad responsible for things he said in high school and college, when he was the most ignorant, the most sheltered, the least exposed to other people and cultures, then he’d be labeled racist and homophobic now (which he technically is, simply by virtue of being white and straight, but that’s a conversation for another time). We need to give people room to grow, give them resources to educate themselves and combat their ignorance. Brendon Urie has DONE that, multiple times! He’s never been accused of racism aside from mouthing the n-word in a Vine, which, should I remind you how old Vine is? He’s never been accused of being transphobic aside from that one time he used a slur, when he wasn’t even using his own words.

I’m not trying to excuse what he’s done. Using those slurs, making Ryan uncomfortable [edit: probably not true], joking about rape, none of those things are okay, and that’s pretty damn obvious to everyone, I think. However, it’s also evident he’s changed since then. As far as I know, he’s never used a slur since then. He’s an advocate for BLM and the LGBTQ+ community. He’s struggled with addiction, which isn’t easy for anyone, and he’s been able to grow and become a better person since then. I absolutely agree with holding him accountable for what he said and did, especially the things we don’t agree with. He’s a public figure, and he has to be aware of what he says and how his actions have consequences. That’s just how it works when you’re in the public eye.

Do I think Brendon Urie deserves to be cancelled? Absolutely not. He’s human, and all humans change. I’m not the same person I was ten years ago, and ten years from now, I’ll be someone else entirely. If someone held me responsible for every mistake I ever made and completely disregarded my progress and personal growth, I’d look like a horrible person. Why aren’t we keeping that energy for Brendon? Hold him accountable. Keep him responsible for what he did. And allow him to improve. Allow him to educate himself. Allow him to better himself. Allow him to be fucking human, for fuck’s sake.

So, there’s my take. I’m still a Panic! At The Disco fan, and I’m still a huge fan of Brendon Urie himself. Unless he regresses completely and becomes Kanye West or some shit, I will continue to support him. He’s not even as problematic as some other people’s faves, so I’m not even gonna feel bad for continuing to support him. I’m acknowledging his shortcomings and recognizing his progress, because I understand that this isn’t black and white or two dimensional.

If his actions aren’t exuseable for you, then that’s fine. If you can’t be a fan of him of Panic! anymore, then that’s your decision. For me personally, I think his growth says a lot about his character, and I’m gonna continue to stick it out with him. You don’t have to like him, but quit being so close-minded about the good he’s done in all of this. It makes you look excited to destroy a person’s career, and quite frankly, I’m tired of trigger-happy, cancel culture junkies. Take it elsewhere.

[oroblio]

hi internet

i know there's a very small percentage of likelihood that anyone will see this, but that's kind of the point. today i've been reminded again of the amount of performativism we all, as young users of the internet, partake in. this has prompted me to trust some of my protective instincts and delete most social media, but, at the same time, it has made me want to act on this performativism the most, so here i am, acting on it, ignoring the signals of "omfg dont do this" that the rational part of my brain is sending and just make a giant fucking public journal entry of my thoughts in the moment.

i watched cj the x's most recent video on bo burnham, it was honestly really emotionally draining (2h30 of talking about how social media is infiltrating the minds of young people and modifying their responses and behaviors will do that i guess). i'm generally a pretty internet oriented person, i've been on here since i was a tiny child, and my view of it is not exactly great morally, i think social media might just be the worst medium by which humans have ever expressed emotion. its all for profit. we know this. platforms aren't really made for us they're made for others to profit off of our attention. i've been conscious of that for a bit. that's why earlier this year i changed all my methods of internet usage to exclude google.

people asked me why i did it, and my usual response is smt about privacy or the like, but every single person i've met and talked to about it seemed to think that was kind of weird :"what privacy do you want exactly? do you have something to hide ? is there a reason for us to do this when ads being targeted to us are made to improve our life"(yes that was a real line quite a few people told me) and i had no response to that other than "it creeps me out to think somebody else has that much info on me, info i don't even know myself". i think i have a better answer now though

i don't want my life to be a commodity

i don't want my life to be something to be sold to the highest bidder

i know it doesn't have that much value, but i feel like caving in to all the small things collected about you over the years you've been online is a bit of an affront to your dignity

you are human

your life, relationships, experiences and emotions deserve respect

its not a question of law its a question of making profit on the back of somebody that doesn't even know where that profit might come from

whenever i think about my internet usage i feel soulless

i honestly don't quite know where that comes from

i just want to be able to exist, online and offline without feeling the existential dread that comes with not being performative

i don't post, but i do narrate everything i do in my head like i am

i don't interact online, but i know that any algorithm can figure out what i'd like to see next and i feel almost violated

i don't trust this perpetual sense of danger, i guess, that comes with existing online

i've met so many incredible people through it

i've discovered so many interests, learned so many new things

why does that have to be monetized, used, why do i have to live my life without using social media or interacting with anyone who does to relieve this sword of damoclès hanging above my head

i just want to not

i want this to not happen to people who are starting to use the internet

i want them to be able to live without constantly feeling like they're being watched

why do we all want to go live in the woods without social interaction or any pressure? isn't it because we've had enough ?

tumblr may be the least of the offenders, but it's still on the list, its still taking advantage of all of us

worst thing is we cant really get off of social media anymore, all our lives are built around it, built on it. i want to go ahead and delete everything so badly i cant even express it, but i still have school online, i have people trying to reach me online, i cant use a map and i don't have a watch, i don't think i able to get off this shit until i'm at least 26, with enough money to go in a small village with no internet and no cell service and live the rest of my life on the money i have, selling whatever i make there

i want my generation and the following generations to be ok, but maybe that isn't possible right now with the tools we have

we don't know where to start to enact change

its all too much at once

we shouldn't quit just yet but if you feel like its too much as well, learn to take a break, just go be one with the silence of reality

go touch grass or whatever

this is all unimportant, i'm not making this because it has any value, but i do think my thoughts deserve to be written down somewhere accessible, as do yours, as do everyone's, not all the time, but when it feels like the right time

have a nice day

[harry-sussex]

You're lovely, and I enjoy seeing your blog on my dashboard. I'm sorry this has been such a difficult thing to process. It's always really difficult to rework an image of someone you once thought you knew. However I'd like to just put it out there - sometimes (I think the large majority of the time) news is presented in the most sensationalist way, such that nowadays I make a point of de-sensationalizing any news I read in my head. In the case of the whole Harry's memoir thing- I can sympathize with Harry as a person possibly just wanting to take back some control of the narrative for himself. Not just in the most recent events with family (that I tend to think are less horrifying than the fandom/Twitter sussex squad discusses it anyway), but in all aspects of his life. I do not at all think he's going to put his family on blast. I can easily imagine Meghan reigning that dialogue in; she has the tendency to think before she speaks that he seems to lack. And he loves his family. Similar to The Interview promos, I imagine the publishing house knew to increase the interest by implying it to be a tell all memoir. I think he's just done a lot of growing up that he didn't know he had to do over a short period of time, esp re: implicit bias/racism in the setting of media's blatant attack on someone he loves, and is disappointed by the institution's and his family's response to it. I think he's emerged a more introspective and aware human, albeit a disillusioned one. Yes it breaks my heart to think that Meghan won't get a break from the tabloids any time soon. If I were him I'd counsel him to write it & sit on it for a few yrs. But I don't want to give the media the power to destroy Meghan in my mind, and I pray she & Harry won't either. I think she'll be okay. She's a strong one, and I think he's able to draw that same link for himself and be thoughtful about what he does. No one likes being misunderstood/misinterpreted, and I wouldn't be surprised if Harry's especially triggered by that given his history with the press. Maybe this idea emerged from therapy, idk. I can empathize with that, even if I wouldn't do it myself. I hope and pray Meghan gets the support she needs from him and her loved ones in the meantime. I'm honestly not going to read it. I think the less attention I give the BRF the better off they are, unless they're doing something immoral/illegal (see: Woking pizza alibi). And I think at the end of the day, people will unfairly judge other people, especially public figures that have tragic pasts and are publically fighting with the media. A lot of it is going to be noise and I'm not going to give my energy into figuring it out. I like to think I've got a good sense of who they are as people - flawed but ultimately well meaning and earnest. I'm a huge admirer of Meghan and think Harry got really lucky with this one and I'm proud of him for choosing her in more ways than one. I believe Harry and Meghan are lovely people, and I 100% believe their interview. I believe that there are people in the palace with a lot of unchecked power who deliberately uncovered her and Archie from BRF protection for reasons of believed superiority over Meg & Arch. And they're figuring out how to deal with that as a couple and a family. And it's none of my business past that imo. I pray for them and hope it'll eventually end in peace for them all. Just wanted to add another perspective, and hopefully some levity. xx M

Hi, dear. First thing’s first, I really appreciate that this is off anon lol. I love it when people own their opinions, and it says a lot that you did. So thank you for that.

Second of all, I really appreciate the nuance and perspective that is in this message. I agree that the news is sensationalist, and my initial reaction was based off of that. I did watch the promotional clips of the interview and I believe it did sour my expectations going into it when I watched it nearly a week after it aired. I did my best to stay away from Tumblr because I didn’t want that to hinder my view, but it was impossible to separate the promotions that presented the information one way from what it actually was, and thank you for bringing that up with respect to the memoir because I hadn’t considered it. I will say that my knee jerk reaction is pretty on par with the way I still feel about it 24 hours later, especially since I got the news directly, not from Tumblr or Twitter or anywhere else, but you’re right that it could have soured my view from the very start.

I appreciate that he wants to take back some of the narrative but I think that ship has sailed, tbh. He did that with the interview and now I just think it feels like information overload. At some point, people are going to get tired of hearing the wealthy, privileged, powerful Prince complain about his life while more than 4 million people have died due to a global pandemic in less than 2 years. Not to say that he doesn’t struggle - in the words of Roxane Gay, there is no oppression Olympics (and that can be extended to struggle Olympics) - but people view it that way and will get tired of it, if they haven’t already.

I also agree that Harry’s past with the press has tarnished the way he has handled the media and the public post-exit, when he’s finally in a position to strike back without being somewhat obliged to them as part of the circumstances of his birth. I understand and sympathize with him but I just don’t think the public does, and the public matters much, much more than the perspective of one single American fan, to whom he’s never been obliged, and I simply do not think the public will afford him that same understanding, sympathy, and leniency. The public and the media are critical to his humanitarian work - his mother never realized that towards the end of her life, and I truly don’t think she would have been the martyr/saint she is perceived to be now if she had lived, because she did not know how to meet the media in the middle and eventually that started to piss people off. He’s starting to piss people off now and if it doesn’t bother him personally (which it definitely does), I don’t want it to affect his causes. The Invictus Games, Sentebale, Walking with the Wounded, WellChild, Mayhew, Smartworks, Archewell, etc. deserve better than to suffer the wrath of the media and an apathetic public because their patrons simply will not shut up lol.

I guess my point is that they will be unfairly judged (regardless, but especially due to the way they’re handling things), and I think it would suit them better in the long run if they adopted a different strategy. I really sympathize with the fact that he feels frustrated with the narrative that has been manufactured but I really, really think the narrative will only get worse and worse as he continues to go on and on about how badly his life sucks, basically. Again, I don’t deny that he struggles - we all do, some more than others, especially when there are mental health issues - but the public, to me, simply does not care. My own therapist has told me to simply stop caring about the things that I discuss with him. Not to say that they’re not relevant, important, or worthy of discussion - they absolutely are - but his point is that you cannot change people and you are wasting your energy and struggling yourself because you want to change them so, so, so badly that you’re neglecting your own self care in the process. I hate that I do it to myself and I also hate that he appears to be doing it to himself. I’m sure a lot of this conversation has been brought up in his own therapy, and I’m no professional, but I’m doing my best to heed the advice of my own therapist - which is the opposite of what Harry is doing - and it’s done wonders for me, when I actually can do it.

If there’s anything I know from this whole thing, it’s that Harry is absolutely punching above his weight, love him as I may, and that he adores, adores, adores his wife. He has chosen her from the very second she came into his life and I couldn’t want anything more for him or from her. I’m not going to lie, I would have been in this thing for any wife that Harry chose, because I was here long before Meghan specifically came into his life. However, I am glad every day that he chose her, that he loves her, that he wants to protect her, that she loves him back, that he lives the life with her that he’s wanted as long as I (and I’m sure he) can remember. I love her because he loves her, and I would have no matter what, because at the end of the day, it’s his happiness and comfort that matters to me, that has mattered to me since I discovered him and how wonderful he can be more than 7 years ago. What more could I ask of Meghan? What more, as his fan to the end (annoy me as he may), could I want for him? Who could say anything about her in that regard? If there’s anything that has come of this mess, to me, it’s that Harry loves, loves, loves his wife. I will always be happy for him and I will always be proud of him for choosing her, even if I don’t always agree with the way he goes about it.

I’m looking forward to peace, too. I cannot wait for things to just die out, for them to work things out as a couple and as a family, and for everyone to move on. The family will still do their thing and the Sussexes can do theirs, but I cannot deal with this back and forth, tit for tat, petty nonsense anymore. They’re wonderful and flawed, like the rest of them (except Andrew), and I just hope that they can all come to some kind of agreement or terms that lets this die down. It’s exhausting for everyone - themselves included. If I’m this tired, I can only imagine how tired they all are.

Thanks for stopping by, and sorry for the essay (essays, these past 24 hours lol). I really appreciate your kindness in this message, your presence in my notifications (I do see them!), your nuanced perspective and like I said before, I really, really appreciate that you own it!

[tetrakys]

Sweet Elite - chapter 10

I finally played the episode on both my active accounts, review below the cut.

The episode starts with Scholar reminiscing the Halloween party and finally openly admitting to themselves they have a crush on the person chosen in the previous episode. As you probably remember I’m currently on Tegan’s and Axel’s routes.

Tegan:

Axel:

I... am destined to suffer with this game.

After this realisation we decide that the most important thing is to focus on our studies to be sure we’ll be able to remain at the academy. After studying we go to the cafeteria to have dinner and we find there the person we are in love with, we have a lovely dinner together 

Axel:

They talk about school for a bit

(Babe I forgive you only because you are cute, and also because you are teasing, your file says that math is one of your strengths, so cut the crap. )

Then he talks about him leaving school to go on tour.

(LMAO his face)

(!!!!!!! YES PLEASE!!!! but admit you’d do it because YOU want to see ME day and night 😏)

[...]

Ah! Someone who understands that scholarship students are brighter than the average Arligton student. It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out... I mean... someone would have to be veeeeery stupid and close minded to think the opposite... wouldn’t they...  🙄

Funny but... I’m sure we can come up with another form of punishment 😊😏

Tegan:

There’s not much to show about the dinner with Tegan, as I said multiple times until we literally jump on him we’re going to get nowhere with him.

SCHOLAR SHOULD I REMIND YOU THAT YOU’RE IN THE MATH DEPARTMENT TOO?? 

Then he makes his back crack and Scholar gets spooked and they talk about being weird and true to themselves.

I’m a bit sad that in all the cute moments with Tegan you can rarely tell if they are flirty or just friendly. I know they reflect his personality, but it’s disappointing.

At the end of the dinner we agree that we had fun and we should do this again after the exams.

And this is where the episode ends.

......

Okay, no, I’m jooooooooking

This is where most interactions with our crush end and Karol/Neha’s arc begins (still not sure if the arc is only about Karol or both, I’d say both). 

Someone took a picture of scholar hugging Tadashi to console him during his arc and it got viral for some reason, so now Arlington’s sweetheart is again getting attention and the school board has decided to use the free publicity to raise the school’s profile in people’s eyes, so scholar is going to be one of Faxion’s judges. Scholar and Tadashi are called in Lady A’s office to talk about this, but they have to keep the secret until it’s publicly announced.

There is a very funny group chat scene where people try to get information out of Scholar and Tadashi, the picture comes out and we get no reaction from Tegan (he is the one who shares the link, so he might have at least brooded about it for a bit I hope), but we get a small cute scene with Axel

(Also, apparently he’s a dog person. Nice.)

Scholar, my child, could you try to use a bit of this sass with Tegan? You’re gonna die alone if you don’t.

After this, Faxion is announced and Scholar’s role too. You would guess that the smart thing to do is to treat well ALL the people who are going to to judge your work, right? Right? With respect, like any other human being deserves at the very least. But noooo of course not.

I’ve tried really hard to like you Karolina. I really did.

But you are a bitch.

Someone who defines people’s worth by how much money their parents own is even less than stupid. 

She even tries to show she has some higher moral ground respect to another model who is just as an asshole as she is. I can’t see much of a difference between the two.

What’s the difference with Karolina? I see none.

Scholar tries to make peace with Karol and be an impartial judge. We meet the other judges, among them there is a Luis Vuitton knock-off who is apparently friend with lady A and knows things about both Scholar and Neha. They are really fishy. In fact they out Neha as a scholarship student in front of the whole school. This is where things go to shit. Up until this point Neha and Karol where a great team and way ahead of everyone else, but now Karol can barely stand Neha’s sight.

I see how Karol can be hurt that Neha has lied to her all this time, but it doesn’t justify the shitty way she treats her at this point. Also, try at least to be smart and civil until the competition is over instead of actively sabotaging everything because now that you know Neha is not rich her ideas are worth less in your eyes. But no, why be smart when you can be completely stupid.

In all this we also find out that Karol is anorexic, which we suspected since episode 2, and that Neha is in love with her, which we knew since episode 1. We talk to Raquel, Claire, Tegan and Neha about Karol’s eating disorder and the episode ends with the winners about to be announced (Karol and Neha of course) but Karol faints in front of the entire school.

A few comments:

- I appreciate when the writing is solid enough to make the reader see where the plot is going, instead of pulling things out of nowhere for pure shock value. Surprises are good only when they are well planned.

- I also liked that Scholar had an active role. I didn’t expect them being a judge and even if it’s a bit of a stretch I liked seeing that we are not a secondary character in our story. However I’m still turned off by the fact that scholar’s department makes no difference in the story. A scholar in the fashion department can’t be considered the “general population” vote. I know that the excuse for them not being in the competition is that they don’t have a ranking yet, but it makes no sense in my opinion. Even blaming it on the school board is a stretch. But this is not the only instance something like this has happened, a scholar in science needing someone to explain them the science lecture. A scholar in math teaming up with Tegan and Ellie to only end up shopping for computer parts online. I wish these things were better thought.

- I’m calling out whoever in the dev/art/writing team has a CLEAR preference for Neha. She is the only one we can raise the meter this episode. In my gameplays the only one we got a romantic interaction in one of the past episodes. The only one we have an extra solo illustration with. And I assume we have a 1-1 illustration with her here because this is her arc (same as what happened with Tadashi), so I’m expecting a 1-1 illustration with Karol next episode. However I feel the bias for Neha, same as what I felt the last episode with Axel, and no one can change my mind.

- This episode made me dislike Karolina a lot. I assume I should be nicer with her because she has an eating disorder, but her being a bitch has nothing to do with her anorexia. The two things may come from the same issue, her needing to be perfect for whatever reason, and I’m sure we will get a teary explanation at some point that will make me forgive her, but still... she deserves take accountability for her own actions. I hope she looses the award.

- Neha doesn’t deserve to loose, she is talented and works hard, she deserves to find another partner. Don’t worry Neha, there are lots of people who can walk in a straight line in the world, there’s no need to attend an elite school for this. However she is also quite spineless, but there’s still hope for her, I understand why she has been lying all this time if she was trying to build a business in such an elitist world. I hope this serves her as a lecture and she learns to stand up for herself and others when such things happen.

All in all I liked the episode. It’s not perfect but as a character arc episode is thousands times better than Tadashi’s was. I just hope we’ll be done with Karol quickly and move on to better things.