#pushing algorithms limits
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Gotta be more innocent than using bananas, tacos, hotdogs, and donuts. Right?đđ
#ai art#ai artwork#ai art generated#ai art generator#ai art practicing#ai art experimenting#picsart#keywords#hobby#habit#feather#flower#feathers#flowers#implication#masculine#feminine#sex education#closet fantasies#inducers#pollen#nature#tsundere#hashtag denial#withholding kink information#innocence gets in the way#so what#snz thoughts#pushing algorithms limits#seeing if algorithms pick up on the imagesâ implications
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every day screaming crying because of twitter's tag/search functionality (aka nonexistent functionality)
#me when the only way to find stuff ive retweeted is by literally scrolling through my tweets manually. no tag filter no search nothing#I NEED ALL THESE ARTISTS TO COME TO TUMBLR SO I CAN FIND THEM. AND THEN RB THEIR STUFF 100X OVER.#it is. it is so painful. trying to find art of this one character but then having to scroll so many retweets down to not even find them#terrifying and horrible. i love tags i love filtering i love sorting and searching . i greatly dislike twt's useless search bar.#ALSO. i also hate that twitter's algorithm or whatever pushes people to not tag their stuff with like character tags and whatever#idk if it's the 140 char limit or something but by god it makes searching so much harder on that site it's not that hard to add#the char name to your post T-T#ramblings!
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you!! are!! fucking!! up!! this is one of my two main social medias if you can even call it that and this shit is gonna make me leave you for good, idfc, get a grip - if i wanted other types of social media i'd go to other social media. i didn't come to this site for tumblr tv, i didn't come here for the "for you" page - i am here for my dash that shows me precisely what i want to see which is the content the people's whose content i care about share with their followers. i'm not here for their likes, i'm not here for posts i might like based on their likes, i like it simple and you keep adding junk to my neat lil coordinated garden FOR WHAT
ppl who have fled to this site from other sns have done so with the knowledge that they don't get the extensive endless scrolling nightmare that other sites create with algorithm based recs
i dont even follow this acc, i came to see what shit you've pulled now because a mutual was complaining and i can clearly see why; you clearly don't listen to the userbase you already have, even someone like me who spends ungodly amount of time on here, so just do what you will and see what happens, we're gonna be delighted to go "told you so"
i am partially one of the so called "creators on tumblr" and maybe it's because i prioritise interactions with people and enjoying others' content, i don't care for exposure as much as maintaining a nice feed where i can choose whether i want to see smth recommended or not. i don't want what i do to be forcefed to others either. that's my two cents on that.
Tumblrâs Core Product Strategy
Here at Tumblr, weâve been working hard on reorganizing how we work in a bid to gain more users. A larger user base means a more sustainable company, and means we get to stick around and do this thing with you all a bit longer. What follows is the strategy we're using to accomplish the goal of user growth. The @labs group has published a bit already, but this is bigger. Weâre publishing it publicly for the first time, in an effort to work more transparently with all of you in the Tumblr community. This strategy provides guidance amid limited resources, allowing our teams to focus on specific key areas to ensure Tumblrâs future.
The Diagnosis
In order for Tumblr to grow, we need to fix the core experience that makes Tumblr a useful place for users. The underlying problem is that Tumblr is not easy to use. Historically, we have expected users to curate their feeds and lean into curating their experience. But this expectation introduces friction to the user experience and only serves a small portion of our audience.Â
Tumblrâs competitive advantage lies in its unique content and vibrant communities. As the forerunner of internet culture, Tumblr encompasses a wide range of interests, such as entertainment, art, gaming, fandom, fashion, and music. People come to Tumblr to immerse themselves in this culture, making it essential for us to ensure a seamless connection between people and content.Â
To guarantee Tumblrâs continued success, weâve got to prioritize fostering that seamless connection between people and content. This involves attracting and retaining new users and creators, nurturing their growth, and encouraging frequent engagement with the platform.
Our Guiding Principles
To enhance Tumblrâs usability, we must address these core guiding principles.
Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.
Provide high-quality content with every app launch.
Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.
Retain and grow our creator base.
Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.
Improve the platformâs performance, stability, and quality.
Below is a deep dive into each of these principles.
Principle 1: Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.
Tumblr has a âtop of the funnelâ issue in converting non-users into engaged logged-in users. We also have not invested in industry standard SEO practices to ensure a robust top of the funnel. The referral traffic that we do get from external sources is dispersed across different pages with inconsistent user experiences, which results in a missed opportunity to convert these users into regular Tumblr users. For example, users from search engines often land on pages within the blog network and blog viewâwhere there isnât much of a reason to sign up.Â
We need to experiment with logged-out tumblr.com to ensure we are capturing the highest potential conversion rate for visitors into sign-ups and log-ins. We might want to explore showing the potential future user the full breadth of content that Tumblr has to offer on our logged-out pages. We want people to be able to easily understand the potential behind Tumblr without having to navigate multiple tabs and pages to figure it out. Our current logged-out explore page does very little to help users understand âwhat is Tumblr.â which is a missed opportunity to get people excited about joining the site.
Actions & Next Steps
Improving Tumblrâs search engine optimization (SEO) practices to be in line with industry standards.
Experiment with logged out tumblr.com to achieve the highest conversion rate for sign-ups and log-ins, explore ways for visitors to âgetâ Tumblr and entice them to sign up.
Principle 2: Provide high-quality content with every app launch.
We need to ensure the highest quality user experience by presenting fresh and relevant content tailored to the userâs diverse interests during each session. If the user has a bad content experience, the fault lies with the product.
The default position should always be that the user does not know how to navigate the application. Additionally, we need to ensure that when people search for content related to their interests, it is easily accessible without any confusing limitations or unexpected roadblocks in their journey.
Being a 15-year-old brand is tough because the brand carries the baggage of a personâs preconceived impressions of Tumblr. On average, a user only sees 25 posts per session, so the first 25 posts have to convey the value of Tumblr: it is a vibrant community with lots of untapped potential. We never want to leave the user believing that Tumblr is a place that is stale and not relevant.Â
Actions & Next Steps
Deliver great content each time the app is opened.
Make it easier for users to understand where the vibrant communities on Tumblr are.Â
Improve our algorithmic ranking capabilities across all feeds.Â
Principle 3: Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.
Part of Tumblrâs charm lies in its capacity to showcase the evolution of conversations and the clever remarks found within reblog chains and replies. Engaging in these discussions should be enjoyable and effortless.
Unfortunately, the current way that conversations work on Tumblr across replies and reblogs is confusing for new users. The limitations around engaging with individual reblogs, replies only applying to the original post, and the inability to easily follow threaded conversations make it difficult for users to join the conversation.
Actions & Next Steps
Address the confusion within replies and reblogs.
Improve the conversational posting features around replies and reblogs.Â
Allow engagements on individual replies and reblogs.
Make it easier for users to follow the various conversation paths within a reblog thread.Â
Remove clutter in the conversation by collapsing reblog threads.Â
Explore the feasibility of removing duplicate reblogs within a userâs Following feed.Â
Principle 4: Retain and grow our creator base.
Creators are essential to the Tumblr community. However, we havenât always had a consistent and coordinated effort around retaining, nurturing, and growing our creator base. Â
Being a new creator on Tumblr can be intimidating, with a high likelihood of leaving or disappointment upon sharing creations without receiving engagement or feedback. We need to ensure that we have the expected creator tools and foster the rewarding feedback loops that keep creators around and enable them to thrive.
The lack of feedback stems from the outdated decision to only show content from followed blogs on the main dashboard feed (âFollowingâ), perpetuating a cycle where popular blogs continue to gain more visibility at the expense of helping new creators. To address this, we need to prioritize supporting and nurturing the growth of new creators on the platform.
It is also imperative that creators, like everyone on Tumblr, feel safe and in control of their experience. Whether it be an ask from the community or engagement on a post, being successful on Tumblr should never feel like a punishing experience.
Actions & Next Steps
Get creatorsâ new content in front of people who are interested in it.Â
Improve the feedback loop for creators, incentivizing them to continue posting.
Build mechanisms to protect creators from being spammed by notifications when they go viral.
Expand ways to co-create content, such as by adding the capability to embed Tumblr links in posts.
Principle 5: Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.
Push notifications and emails are essential tools to increase user engagement, improve user retention, and facilitate content discovery. Our strategy of reaching out to you, the user, should be well-coordinated across product, commercial, and marketing teams.
Our messaging strategy needs to be personalized and adapt to a userâs shifting interests. Our messages should keep users in the know on the latest activity in their community, as well as keeping Tumblr top of mind as the place to go for witty takes and remixes of the latest shows and real-life events. Â
Most importantly, our messages should be thoughtful and should never come across as spammy. Â
Actions & Next Steps
Conduct an audit of our messaging strategy.
Address the issue of notifications getting too noisy; throttle, collapse or mute notifications where necessary. Â
Identify opportunities for personalization within our email messages.Â
Test what the right daily push notification limit is.Â
Send emails when a user has push notifications switched off.
Principle 6: Performance, stability and quality.
The stability and performance of our mobile apps have declined. There is a large backlog of production issues, with more bugs created than resolved over the last 300 days. If this continues, roughly one new unresolved production issue will be created every two days. Apps and backend systems that work well and don't crash are the foundation of a great Tumblr experience. Improving performance, stability, and quality will help us achieve sustainable operations for Tumblr.
Improve performance and stability: deliver crash-free, responsive, and fast-loading apps on Android, iOS, and web.
Improve quality: deliver the highest quality Tumblr experience to our users.Â
Move faster: provide APIs and services to unblock core product initiatives and launch new features coming out of Labs.
Conclusion
Our mission has always been to empower the worldâs creators. We are wholly committed to ensuring Tumblr evolves in a way that supports our current users while improving areas that attract new creators, artists, and users. You deserve a digital home that works for you. You deserve the best tools and features to connect with your communities on a platform that prioritizes the easy discoverability of high-quality content. This is an invigorating time for Tumblr, and we couldnât be more excited about our current strategy.
#why are you pushing our limits#i dont get business and maybe you know stuff we dont cause you keep pulling seemingly ridiculously stupid shit#but from my ignorant standpoint respectfully get it together#your points are right and thoughtful as far as i can tell up till the algorithm part#big mistake#the way i censored all the swear words out lmao#glad youre excited bout your new strategy cause you need the positive attitude fs
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You watch 1(one) fucked up video on yt and the algorithm immediately turns the feed into that meme with the person only buying bananas at the market
I heard u enjoy dark shit u freak
#you watch one interesting video and it's gone forever and nothing similar is ever reccd to u again#i don't even enjoy fucked up stuff bc i have morbid curiosity but I know I'll push myself to the limit of bad mental health#so i avoid it. that's why yt and sm aren't for kids. they don't know when to stop before a stupid algorithm fucks them over
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"When bloodstream infections set in, fast treatment is crucial â but it can take several days to identify the bacteria responsible. A new, rapid-diagnosis sepsis test could cut down on the wait, reducing testing time from as much as a few days to about 13 hours by cutting out a lengthy blood culturing step, researchers report July 24 [2024] in Nature.
âThey are pushing the limits of rapid diagnostics for bloodstream infections,â says Pak Kin Wong, a biomedical engineer at Penn State who was not involved in the research. âThey are driving toward a direction that will dramatically improve the clinical management of bloodstream infections and sepsis.â
Sepsis â an immune system overreaction to an infection â is a life-threatening condition that strikes nearly 2 million people per year in the United States, killing more than 250,000 (SN: 5/18/08). The condition can also progress to septic shock, a steep drop in blood pressure that damages the kidneys, lungs, liver and other organs. It can be caused by a broad range of different bacteria, making species identification key for personalized treatment of each patient.
In conventional sepsis testing, the blood collected from the patient must first go through a daylong blood culturing step to grow more bacteria for detection. The sample then goes through a second culture for purification before undergoing testing to find the best treatment. During the two to three days required for testing, patients are placed on broad-spectrum antibiotics â a blunt tool designed to stave off a mystery infection thatâs better treated by targeted antibiotics after figuring out the specific bacteria causing the infection.
Nanoengineer Tae Hyun Kim and colleagues found a way around the initial 24-hour blood culture.
The workaround starts by injecting a blood sample with nanoparticles decorated with a peptide designed to bind to a wide range of blood-borne pathogens. Magnets then pull out the nanoparticles, and the bound pathogens come with them. Those bacteria are sent directly to the pure culture. Thanks to this binding and sorting process, the bacteria can grow faster without extraneous components in the sample, like blood cells and the previously given broad-spectrum antibiotics, says Kim, of Seoul National University in South Korea.
Cutting out the initial blood culturing step also relies on a new imaging algorithm, Kim says. To test bacteriaâs susceptibility to antibiotics, both are placed in the same environment, and scientists observe if and how the antibiotics stunt the bacteriaâs growth or kill them. The teamâs image detection algorithm can detect subtler changes than the human eye can. So it can identify the species and antibiotic susceptibility with far fewer bacteria cells than the conventional method, thereby reducing the need for long culture times to produce larger colonies.
Though the new method shows promise, Wong says, any new test carries a risk of false negatives, missing bacteria that are actually present in the bloodstream. That in turn can lead to not treating an active infection, and âundertreatment of bloodstream infection can be fatal,â he says. âWhile the classical blood culture technique is extremely slow, it is very effective in avoiding false negatives.â
Following their laboratory-based experiments, Kim and colleagues tested their new method clinically, running it in parallel with conventional sepsis testing on 190 hospital patients with suspected infections. The testing obtained a 100 percent match on correct bacterial species identification, the team reports. Though more clinical tests are needed, these accuracy results are encouraging so far, Kim says.
The team is continuing to refine their design in hopes of developing a fully automated sepsis blood test that can quickly produce results, even when hospital laboratories are closed overnight. âWe really wanted to commercialize this and really make it happen so that we could make impacts to the patients,â Kim says."
-via Science News, July 24, 2024
#sepsis#medical news#medical testing#south korea#blood test#bacteria#antibiotics#infections#good news#hope#nanotechnology
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NEPTUNE.

Hyunjin x reader. (s,a)
Synopsis: In a distant future where an app can predict your death, a retired dancer and an ambitious swimmer cross path by chance. With their final day looming, they choose to share it together, finding unexpected connection in the fleeting hours they have left. (19,6k words)
Author's note: With this fic, I hope that you get to realize that no matter how small your achievement is, it matters. You are matter. Happy new year, everyone! âŁ
In the distant future, death isnât a mystery. Itâs an appointment.
It started with a breakthroughâan algorithm said to be so precise it could predict the exact day someone would die. Governments called it progress, a tool to manage the chaos of an overburdened planet. They named it Mortem. What they didnât expect was how quickly the app would seep into the fabric of life.
People stopped planning for the long term. Relationships became fleeting, careers lost their permanence, and calendars filled with expiration dates. Death notifications became part of the noiseâjust another alert blinking alongside weather updates and dinner reservations.
But Mortem wasnât perfect. It couldnât tell you the whenâonly the day. That meant hours, minutes, or fleeting seconds could separate you from the end. For some, it was a mercy. For others, a torment.
Tonight, the city pulses with quiet tension, as it always does. Neon lights flicker against a backdrop of endless skyscrapers, their glass walls reflecting a future built on progress and control. Somewhere, phones buzz softly, notifying their owners of an unchangeable truth: Tomorrow is your last day.
For those who receive the message, there are choices to make. Will they cling to the comforts of routine, pretending the day ahead is like any other? Or will they seek something differentâa chance to hold onto life for just a little longer?
Two strangers will soon find themselves asking that same question. Their lives have never crossed before, but by the time tomorrow ends, they will have shared something no one else can understand.
-
5:00 a.m.
The alarm pierces the early morning silence, jolting Hwang Hyunjin awake. With practiced ease, he silences it, sitting on the edge of his bed as he stretches his long arms. His back arches slightly, muscles awakening as he bends forward to gather his thoughts.
The world outside is still cloaked in darkness, but Hyunjin is already lacing up his running shoes. A quick double knot secures them before he presses play on his playlist, music flooding his ears and sharpening his focus.
The crisp, cool morning air greets him as he steps outside. It stings against his skin, but he welcomes it, inhaling deeply as he begins to run. His strides are steady, powerful, each one cutting against the wind. His long, dark hair bounces with the rhythm of his movement, dampened slightly by the early morning mist.
After completing his route, Hyunjin stops by his favorite bakery, where the warm aroma of freshly baked bread envelops him. He orders his usual: a selection of warm pastries and a steaming cup of coffee to go. Back at his apartment, he settles by the window, the city stirring to life beyond the glass. He takes slow bites of his breakfast, sipping his coffee as the first golden rays of sunlight paint the skyline.
Itâs moments like this, quiet and unassuming, that he treasures most. They remind him of the beauty in simplicity, grounding him before the demands of the day.
By ten oâclock, Hyunjin arrives at the training center, his focus razor-sharp. He begins with a grueling gym session, pushing his limits to strengthen his arms and back. The burn in his muscles is a familiar companion, one he embraces with resolve. Sweat drips down his chin as he finishes his final set, his determination unwavering.
But this is only the beginning.
Hyunjin steps into the aquatic center, the sharp scent of chlorine filling his lungs. In the locker room, he changes into a sleek pair of swimming briefs.
"How are you feeling, my man?" A friendly pat on his back pulls him from his thoughts.
"Excellent," he replies confidently, catching his reflection in the mirror as he adjusts his swim cap. His friend's grin widens, sensing the energy radiating off him.
"What's your current record?"
"For the 100 or the 200 medley?" Hyunjin asks, slipping the last strands of his hair beneath the cap."You know which one I'm asking."
"47.12." A proud smile curves his lips.
"Bet you can take it to 46 today," his friend challenges, tossing his shoes into his locker.
The words hang in the air, lighting a spark in Hyunjin. He doesnât need the pushâheâs already determinedâbut the encouragement fuels his fire.
Hyunjin steps onto the pool deck, his reflection shimmering on the surface of the water. Memories of his younger self flicker in his mind, the boy who first discovered the joy of being in the water. Back then, it felt like another worldâquiet, weightless, serene.
That love hasnât faded.
He dips a hand into the pool, splashing the cold water onto the back of his neck. Itâs a small ritual, an anchor before the dive. His goggles are snug against his face, a protective barrier between him and the world above.
Hyunjin climbs onto the starting block, his heart steady, his goal clear. He holds the current record in the 100-meter freestyle, but today isnât about records or accolades. Itâs about pushing himself to the edge, chasing a version of himself heâs yet to meet.
The whistle shrieks, and Hyunjin dives.
The water welcomes him, enveloping him in its familiar embrace. Each stroke propels him forward, every kick slicing through the resistance. His body moves in perfect harmony, years of training reducing the act to instinct.
To Hyunjin, the sky isnât the limitâitâs just the beginning. And soon, he knows, he wonât just swim among the clouds. Heâll soar beyond them.
-
8:02 a.m.
The studio is quiet, save for the soft creak of polished wood beneath your bare feet. Sunlight streams through the high windows, casting long beams across the mirrored walls. You breathe in the familiar scent of resin and faintly worn leather, grounding yourself in this sacred space.
This is how you always start your mornings: alone, warming up in the quiet before the day begins. Itâs a small luxury, one youâve come to cherish in a world that feels anything but certain.
You stand in the center of the room, your reflection poised and still. Slowly, you move through the routine, arms lifting, legs extending, muscles lengthening with every step. The rhythm flows from memoryâan old habit, a comfort that never falters.
Then, it happens.
A sharp ping breaks through the silence, echoing off the walls.
You freeze mid-pirouette, your balance wavering. Across the room, your phone sits on the bench, its screen lit up with a single notification. For a moment, you donât move. Itâs not unusual for your phone to chimeâmessages from parents, reminders for classesâbut something about the sound feels heavier this time.
You exhale, lowering your arms. Whatever it is can wait. Youâve always finished what you started, and today will be no different.
You push forward, completing the warm-up with careful precision. The movements are second nature, your body carrying you through muscle memory. But thereâs a weight in the air now, and with each step, your focus frays a little more.
Finally, you stop.
The studio falls silent again as you walk toward the bench. Your pulse quickens when you see the notificationâs source: Mortem.
You stare at it, your breath catching in your chest. The app sits there, waiting, the message unread. Tomorrow is your last day. Is that what it will say? Or will it be another date, far off in the future?
For a moment, you consider turning away. Dancing has always been your escape, your solace. Maybe one more routine will help you clear your mind.
You step back toward the center of the studio, muscles coiled and ready to begin again. But something stops you. A voice, faint but insistent, whispers at the edge of your thoughts: Face it.
Your hands tremble as you pick up the phone. You swipe the screen, heart pounding in your ears, and open the notification.
Your eyes lock onto the date, and for a moment, everything freezes. Confusion flickers in your chest, followed by the sharp pang of disbelief. Youâd told yourself you were ready for this, that the day would come eventually, but seeing it spelled out so plainly shakes you.
And then, as quickly as it came, the chaos fades. You take a deep breath, grounding yourself as youâve done countless times before. The truth is undeniable, and no amount of fear will change it.
Youâve made your peace with death. You always knew it would come soon. And now, soon is here.
-
3:22 p.m.
Dahlias.
Your motherâs favorite flowers. They stand out vividly against the muted tones of the hospitalâs inpatient ward, clutched close to your chest as you make your way to her room.
It started with an acheâsharp and unrelentingâbut she didnât see a doctor until the nausea and loss of appetite became impossible to ignore. Six months ago, the diagnosis came: stage 3 pancreatic cancer. The doctor gave her six months to a year to live, and with every agonizing moment, youâve come to understand why she wishes the end would hurry along.
But the notification she hopes for never arrives.
âHoney, I havenât gotten my notification yet,â she mutters the moment you step into her room. Her voice is flat, a mix of irritation and resignation, as her eyes glance at the flowers in your hands.
Sheâs always irritable after chemo, so you donât let her tone sting. Instead, you walk to the sink, filling a vase with water.
After the nurse checks her IV and blood pressure, youâre left alone with her. The silence isnât new, but it feels heavier today.
âThey said six months. Why am I still here?â she groans, struggling to adjust her pillow.
You hurry to help, carefully setting the vase of dahlias on the bedside table. They brighten the room immediately.
âTheyâre beautiful,â she finally says, softening just a little.
âIâm glad you like them,â you reply with a faint smile.
Your mother has always lived with vivacity. She wasnât one for small dreams; she lived a thousand of them. In her teens, she wanted to be a singer. By her twenties, fashion called her, leading to an internship at a fabric shop. There, she befriended a chef who inspired her to pursue culinary arts. It was during that chapter of her life that she met a classical musicianâyour father.
And you.
Her dreams shifted then, morphing into family and love, and for years, she poured herself into creating a home filled with warmth. When your father passed, she found a new dream: becoming a florist. She turned it into a thriving business.
Until six months ago.
âAre you eating well?â she asks suddenly, her concern for you breaking through her fatigue.
You nod. âYes.â
âWhat did you eat this morning?â
Itâs a routine question, part of her new reality where food tastes like nothing. Asking you lets her imagine the flavors she misses.
âI had cranberry ciabatta from the bakery across the street,â you lie gently.
She hums contentedly, closing her eyes. âThey make the perfect ciabatta.â
âMom,â you say softly, taking her frail hand in yours.
âYes, my darling?â
âWhat would you cook for your last dinner?â You smile to hold back the lump in your throat.
Her face lights up, pleased by the question. Sheâs always loved sharing her stories, and now theyâre all she has left to give.
âFor an appetizer, Iâd make eggplant croquettes,â she says with a teasing grin.
âMom, not the eggplant,â you protest, wrinkling your nose.
Her laugh is weak but genuine. âOkay, okay. How about scampi bruschetta?â
âNow thatâs more like it,â you say with exaggerated approval.
She closes her eyes, envisioning her creation. âWith thyme and lemon. Iâd toast the ciabatta for five minutesâjust enough for a crunchâand sear the shrimp with olive oil and a pinch of salt. Then sautĂŠ spring onions with thyme, lemon zest, and honey. Acacia honey.â
As she speaks, her voice gains strength, her enthusiasm igniting memories of her former self. Between recipes, she slips in anecdotes, turning her imagined last meal into a tapestry of her life.
You hang on every word because you know these stories matter. They are her, distilled into moments youâll carry forever.
And yet, the cruel irony doesnât escape you.
You were supposed to be the one holding her hand at the end, not the other way around. The thought pierces through your heart as you sit there, smiling at her stories. She has spent six months longing for death, only for it to come for you first.
She deserves to rest, to find peace after everything sheâs endured. You would have done anything to give her that. But the universe is merciless. It has flipped the natural order, leaving her with the unbearable task of outliving her child.
The injustice of it sits heavy in your chest, threatening to choke you. How is it fair that the one who wants to die must keep fighting, while youâher childâare robbed of the chance to live?
By the time she moves to selecting drinks, her eyelids grow heavy.
âYouâre sleepy, Mom,â you whisper, smoothing the duvet around her.
She nods, offering a tired smile. âIâm just a little tired these days.â
You watch her closely, memorizing every line of her face, every glimmer in her weary eyes. âYou look beautiful today.â
Her smile deepens, faint but radiant. âI know.â
âYouâve always been beautiful,â you add, unable to stop yourself.
She chuckles weakly. âI look good with cancer, huh?â
You laugh softly, brushing a strand of hair from her face, committing her image to memory.
As you stand to leave, her hand clasps yours, pulling it to her chest. For a moment, it rests there, and just when you think sheâs asleep, she lifts her other hand to pat your head.
âYouâre a superstar,â she whispers. âI adore you so much.â
Those were her bedtime words to you as a child, and now they hit deeper, wrapping around your heart with bittersweet comfort.
In her eyes, you will always be her child, no matter how much of the world youâve seen or what youâve become.
As she drifts to sleep, you kiss the back of her hand, releasing it gently. You take one last look at her before leaving the room.
This isnât goodbye. Itâs not the last mother-daughter moment, either, because in life and in death, she will always be your mother.
For you, death isnât the opposite of life. Itâs simply a part of it.
-
6:16 p.m.
â46.92!â
The words ring out in the humid air of the locker room as Hyunjinâs friend pats his back enthusiastically. Theyâre both standing under the shower, letting the dayâs fatigue wash away.
âI see a gold medal in your near future,â his friend adds, grinning.
Hyunjin canât stop the smile that creeps onto his face. The thought of victory is intoxicating, the image of standing atop the podium almost tangible. He can taste itâsweet, like honey.
âBeers? What do you think?â another teammate calls out as Hyunjin turns off his shower head.
For a moment, heâs tempted. He deserves it, doesnât he? Breaking his personal record, getting closer to his dreamâsurely, a small celebration wouldnât hurt.
But discipline pulls him back. His body is his temple, and the bread he allowed himself this morning was already a rare indulgence.
âNot tonight,â Hyunjin says, his tone polite but firm.
âNext time, then,â his friend replies easily, shrugging it off as he heads for the lockers.
The others filter out, their laughter and chatter fading down the hallway until silence envelops the space. Hyunjin is alone now, drying his damp hair with a towel. He moves methodically, packing his bag, folding his towel, tucking everything neatly into place.
When he pulls out his phone, a cluster of notifications greets him. Most are messages from his teammatesâcongratulations, plans for the weekend, harmless banter. He skims through them absentmindedly until one notification stops him cold.
It stands out like a blot of ink on an otherwise pristine page.
Mortem: Tomorrow is your last day.
For a moment, Hyunjin forgets to breathe. The locker room feels impossibly quiet, the white noise of the air conditioning fading into nothingness.
He reads the notification again, hopingâno, prayingâthat heâs misunderstood. But the words remain the same.
Hyunjinâs legs feel unsteady as he forces himself to move, his bag slipping from his shoulder as he stumbles toward the pool. He steps onto the edge, the scent of chlorine sharp in the air. The water is eerily still, reflecting the overhead lights in perfect symmetry.
He looks down at his reflection, and what he sees isnât the confident, ambitious swimmer who broke his record earlier today.
Itâs someone hollow. A boy with dreams just out of reach, crushed under the weight of a cruel truth.
His fists clench at his sides as anger rises in his chest, hot and unrelenting.
âFUCK YOU!â he screams, his voice tearing through the silence, reverberating across the chamber.
The sound ricochets off the walls, rippling across the surface of the water. His reflection distorts, breaking apart into fragments before settling again, unfamiliar and unkind.
They say death comes at the right time. A gentle visitor, arriving only when itâs supposed to.
But thatâs a lie.
It doesnât care about dreams or sacrifices. It doesnât care that Hyunjin has spent years of his life in pursuit of one thing, pushing his body and mind to their limits.
It doesnât care that heâs so close.
And now, when victory is within his grasp, it will take everything away.
He closes his eyes, chest heaving as he fights to steady his breathing. The rage doesnât subsideâit sits in his chest, a molten core of grief and frustration.
Hyunjin knows thereâs nothing he can do to stop whatâs coming. But for tonight, he lets himself curse the unfairness of it all, his voice echoing into the void until thereâs nothing left but silence.
For Hyunjin, death is a thief.
-
7:22 p.m.
Alcohol is never your first choice. Youâre not a fan of the bitter aftertaste or the burn as it slides down your throat. But tonight, you need something to dull the ache.
Your phone lies face-up on the bar, the notification glaring at you like a cruel joke. Itâs accompanied by offersâa funeral service arrangement, a hotline for counseling.
You stare at the screen, unsure how to even begin processing it all. Sadness feels too small a word for the heap of emotions weighing you down. Beneath the sorrow lies a sliver of joy at the thought of not having to endure another day. And beneath that, a fragile sense of relief that it will soon be over.
How do you explain that to anyone? How do you untangle that mess of feelings, let alone share them with a therapist?
The bartender doesnât ask. He doesnât need to. Your sadness is written all over your face.
An hour passes, your drink long since gone, and you finally decide to leave. The bartender approaches, not with the check but with a bottle in hand.
âHere,â he says, taking your empty glass away.
You blink at him, confused. âIâm ready to payââ
âIâm not taking your money,â he interrupts, pouring liquid from three different bottles into a pair of shot glasses with precise movements.
It clicks belatedly in your mindâsome unspoken gesture, one you wouldnât have recognized if you didnât spend most of your nights at home.
âMay I ask what this is?â you say, eyeing the amber liquid as he slides the shot glass toward you.
âThe Three Wise Men,â he says with a faint smile.
âAnd who are they?â
âJohnnie Walker, Jim Beam, and Jack Daniels,â he explains, gesturing to the bottles on the counter.
âAh...â A small laugh escapes you. âVery wise indeed.â
He lifts his shot glass, holding it up in a silent toast. âReady?â
You hesitate, your hand wrapping around the glass. âAny tips for this?â
âDonât think. Just swallow.â
You nod, mirroring his stance.
âTo the three wise men,â he says.
âTo the three wise men,â you repeat, exhaling before tipping the shot back. The liquid burns all the way down, leaving a warmth in its wake.
âWhoo...â the bartender exhales, slamming his glass upside down on the counter.
You mimic him, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. âThat wasâŚâ You pause, laughing nervously. ââŚsomething.â
He chuckles, leaning on the counter as his gaze sweeps the bar. âThey say youâre either living to die or dying to live.â
The room feels quieter for a moment as his words settle.
He sighs, his voice softening. âBut you know what? I only pity the living.â
The statement strikes you in a way you canât quite articulate. You donât want to die, not really. But the thought of living, with all its weight, feels far worse.
âAnother round?â he offers, holding up one of the bottles.
You shake your head. âNo, thank you. I havenât eaten dinner, so I donât think thatâs⌠wise.â
âSee? You learned from these men,â he teases, capping the bottle with a grin.
You pull out your wallet, sliding a card toward him. âAt least let me payââ
He steps back, hands raised in mock surrender. âUse the money to buy yourself a nice dinner, okay?â
Thereâs no arguing with him, so you reluctantly tuck your card away. âThank you,â you say softly, your voice heavier with gratitude than the words can carry.
He nods, his smile kind. âHey, I needed that shot too.â
You rise from the stool, glancing back as you sling your bag over your shoulder. âHave a great night.â
The bartender is busy with another order, but a few steps later, his voice calls out to you.
âSee you on the other side,â he says, raising a hand in farewell.
For a moment, you pause, then nod, offering a faint wave before stepping out into the night.
-
7:45 p.m.
There's nowhere to go.
Youâve been walking aimlessly since leaving the bar, letting your feet lead the way. Your hands are stuffed into your jacket pockets as you stop at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to turn green. The thought of returning to your apartment, where silence lingers like an unwelcome guest, feels unbearable.
You could visit your mother again, but the idea of seeing her only to leave her foreverâit's too much to handle.
There are so many things you want to do, yet none of them feel right.
The light finally turns green, and you step off the curb. But before you can take another step, something grabs your shoulders and pulls you back. A motorcycle speeds past, narrowly missing you.
Your mind goes blank. Instead of your life flashing before your eyes, everything shuts down for a moment.
"Come on!" a voice urges. A hand takes yours, pulling you across the street just as the light turns red again.
You donât realize what just happened until youâre safely on the other side. Someone has just saved you. If they hadnât stopped you, that motorcycle might have dragged your body halfway down the street.
You turn to look at your savior and freeze. Heâs beautifulâstunning, evenâand for a moment, youâre speechless.
"Are you okay?" he asks, his voice gentle but tinged with concern.
His words snap you out of your daze, and you hurriedly compose yourself. "Yeah, Iâm sorry, I wasâ"
"No, no, itâs not your fault. That motorcycle ran the light," he interrupts, shaking his head.
Why are you apologizing? You should be thanking him. But when you look at him, the words catch in your throat, so you glance away. "Thank you⌠for, uh, earlier," you manage to say.
He smiles, and his eyes curve along with it, warm and genuine. But then his next words take you by surprise.
"Your death isnât today, right? Iâm pretty sure it said tomorrow."
You freeze again, alarm bells ringing in your head. How does he know that? You take a step back, suddenly wary.
Realizing heâs scared you, he raises his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Iâm sorryâI shouldâve explained first."
He lowers his hands and exhales before continuing, "I was in the bar earlier. I accidentally saw the notification on your phone when I was getting my drink. And then I followed you..." He grimaces. "Wait, that makes me sound like a creep."
He stops rambling and pulls his phone from his jacket pocket, tapping the screen until it lights up. He turns it toward you, revealing a notification identical to yours.
His death is tomorrow, too.
"I guess weâre doomed, huh?" he says with a shrug, his tone oddly lighthearted.
Youâre at a loss for words, staring at the screen and then at him. How is it possible that someone like himâthis beautiful, radiant manâis doomed?
He puts his phone away and looks at you earnestly. "I know this is sudden, and random, and... probably really weird. But do you want to have dinner with me?"
It is sudden, random, and undeniably strange. But as you look at himâthis stranger who saved your lifeâone thought crosses your mind: Whatâs the worst that could happen?
Youâre going to be dead in a matter of hours anyway.
"Okay," you say.
-
08:10 p.m.
The two of you decide to walk to dinner, hands tucked into your jacket pockets, his adjusting his beanie every few steps. He finally breaks the silence as you pass the second block from where you met.
"I'm Hyunjin, by the way," he says.
You glance at him and give your name in return. When you expect the exchange to end, he extends his hand, and you shake it, feeling the chill of his skin against yours. His long fingers, adorned with rings, seem oddly delicate.
"Nice to meet you," he says with a small smile, pulling his hand back to adjust his beanie again.
âSo... when did you get your notification?â he asks after a beat.
âThis morning,â you reply, freeing your hands from your pockets now that the silence has been broken. âYou?â
He tilts his head back slightly, lips pressing into a thin line. âTwo hours ago.â
A strange feeling of unease stirs inside you, but he doesnât let the conversation falter. âHow do you feel about all this?â
âAll this?â you echo.
He nods, waiting for your response. You search for the words, trying to name the whirlwind of emotions youâve carried since the moment you opened that notification.
âI feel... alright, I guess.â
Hyunjin stops mid-step, turning to look at you with incredulity. âAlright?â
You shrug, unsure how to elaborate.
âYouâre not angry? At all?â His tone sharpens, his brow furrowing in disbelief.
Angry? That hadnât crossed your mind. Thereâs an odd peace in accepting what you canât control, a clarity you never expected. You shake your head. âNo.â
His eyes darken, and he mutters, âWell, I am.â He starts walking again, this time faster, his strides growing wide and purposeful.
âIâm livid,â he says through gritted teeth. âIf death had a face, Iâd punch it.â
You pick up your pace to match his, almost jogging, until he notices and abruptly halts.
âAre you okay?â he asks, his frustration dissolving into concern.
You nod, panting slightly.
He chuckles softly, his eyes crinkling into crescent moons. âSorry, I tend to walk fast when Iâm angry.â
The two of you fall into a slower, more deliberate pace, hands swinging at your sides. You want to ask what exactly makes him so angry, but before you can, he stops again.
âWeâre here,â he announces, holding the door open for you.
You step inside and immediately feel out of place. The restaurant is elegant, full of people dressed to the nines. Self-consciousness creeps up your spine, and you spin around to look at himâonly to bump into his chest.
âSorry,â you mumble, looking down.
Hyunjin steadies you with a firm grip on your shoulders. âYou alright?â
âYeah,â you say quietly, stepping back to stand behind him.
âTable for two, please,â he tells the hostess.
She leads you to a table by a large window overlooking the city, the full moon casting a gentle glow over the skyline. As she places menus in front of you, Hyunjin mutters a polite thank-you, his attention already elsewhere.
You glance at him as he removes his jacket, folding it neatly over the back of his chair. He seems unbothered by the setting, completely at ease. He flips open the menu, his eyes scanning the options.
âAny ideas on what to have?â he asks, glancing up at you.
You fumble to open your menu, pretending to read it while avoiding his gaze. Finally, you lean forward and whisper, âDonât you think weâre underdressed?â
He gasps dramatically, as if your words remind him of something crucial. Tugging off his beanie, his dark hair tumbles down, slightly damp and shiny, framing his small face. He ruffles it quickly, then shrugs.
âSteak? Pizza? Pasta?â he suggests, ignoring your question entirely.
You hesitate. When he offered to take you to dinner, youâd imagined a casual spot, maybe a pizza joint or noodle bar. Not this. And while youâre trying not to think about money, the menuâs prices make your stomach turn.
âI think we should go somewhere else,â you say quietly, your eyes darting over the options.
âWhy?â
âItâs... too expensive.â
Hyunjin laughs, low and amused. âDo you think I canât afford it?â
You shake your head frantically. âNo, no, thatâs not what I meantââ
âIâm kidding,â he interrupts with a grin. Leaning forward, he drops his voice to a whisper. âHonestly? I can probably only afford a plate of pasta and garlic bread.â
Your eyes widen, but his sly smile makes it clear heâs joking again.
âGood thing weâve got the pity card,â he says, leaning back with a nonchalant shrug.
You freeze, reminded of the pity card. Itâs a small perk that comes with the notificationâa free pass to almost anything, covered by taxes. A gesture from the system to say, âSorry youâre dying soonâhereâs a little something.â
But the thought of using it makes your skin crawl.
âNo,â you say, shaking your head firmly. âNot the pity card.â
âWhy not?â
You struggle to explain. âIt just... feels wrong. I donât want their pity.â
Hyunjin raises a brow. âWho cares? Weâll be dead in a few hours.â
Before you can respond, a waiter approaches to pour water and set down a plate of bread. Hyunjin thanks them softly, then turns back to you.
âItâs not like weâre taking their pity with us to the grave,â he says, lifting his glass. âSo, what do you say?â
You glance at the clock on the wall. Four hours left. Soon, none of thisâmoney, pity, prideâwill matter.
âWe only die once, right?â you say, lifting your glass awkwardly.
Hyunjin laughs, his grin lighting up his face. âWe only die once,â he echoes, clinking his glass against yours.
-
8:20 p.m.
You're not much of a conversationalist, so Hyunjin takes it upon himself to break the silence, his curiosity about you driving him forward. He has a myriad of questions on his mind but decides to start simple.
"May I ask what you do?"
His question makes you look up at him, and after a moment's hesitation, you place your hands under the table and answer with a sheepish smile, "I'm a ballet instructor."
The pieces click into place for himâthe flowy skirt, black tights, and your hair tied neatly into a bun.
"So, you're a ballerina," Hyunjin remarks, nodding thoughtfully.
"I was," you correct him softly.
He tilts his head, his brows furrowing slightly. "Was?"
"I'm retired," you say briefly, offering another shy smile.
Hyunjin blinks in confusion. Retired? You seem far too young for that. "May I ask why?"
You adjust the cutlery in front of you, your hand steady despite the weight of your words. "I got into an accident a couple of years ago. I badly injured my leg, and the doctor insisted I stop dancing if I wanted to keep walking..." Your voice trails off, and your lips curve into a sad smile as you avert your gaze.
The weight of your story hits him. He can empathize with the sense of loss; after all, his situation is eerily similar. You had to give up your passion because of an accident, while he faces an abrupt end because of the ticking clock. Both of you are here, grappling with the unfairness of it all on what could be your final hours.
"It's like that saying," you continue, "âThose who can, do. Those who can't, teach.â So thatâs what Iâm doing now." You tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear and flash him a reassuring smile, but Hyunjin isnât convinced. He recognizes the facade; heâs worn it himself.
"And you're not mad about it?" he asks, fully aware he might be treading into private territory.
"I was, for a long time. But eventually, I realized thereâs no point in drowning myself in anger."
This time, your smile is differentâgenuine, even serene. Itâs as if youâve made peace with the cruelty of life, embracing it with quiet strength. Hyunjin admires it, though he knows how hard it mustâve been for you to reach that place.
He takes a breath and shifts the conversation, sensing the need to lighten the mood. "So, youâre teaching at a dance company?"
"A dance academy," you correct him with a nod. "I teach girls between the ages of seven and sixteen."
He can picture it easilyâyou, guiding a room full of eager young dancers, patient and warm. You probably make their favorite teacher list without even trying.
"And what about you?" you ask, lifting your glass of water for a sip.
"I'm an athlete," he replies.
"Ah..." you murmur, intrigued. "What sport?"
"Take a guess," he says with a playful grin, leaning back in his seat.
Your laughter fills the air, and you give him a once-over, your eyes narrowing as you search for clues. After a moment of deliberation, you venture, "Youâre tall and lean so... basketball?."
Hyunjin chuckles, pleased with the compliment but shakes his head. "Nope."
You purse your lips in thought. "Soccer?"
"I like soccer," he admits, leaning forward, "but thatâs not it."
You groan in mock defeat, covering your face with your hands. "Iâm terrible at this!"
Hyunjin laughs, finding your reaction endearing. "Iâm a swimmer," he reveals.
Your eyes widen in surprise. "Thatâs amazing!"
"I was scouted for the national team," he says, a hint of pride in his voice. "I was supposed to compete this summer."
The realization of his words hits him mid-sentence, and the excitement drains from his face. Summer is two months awayâa future he knows he wonât see.
"Thatâs incredible," you say gently, your empathetic smile offering comfort.
Just then, the waiter arrives with the menus, saving the atmosphere from slipping into melancholy.
"Would you like to order some wine?" the waiter asks, presenting a list.
You scan the menu and suggest, "I think Iâll have white wine."
Hyunjin glances over the options, muttering to himself, "Vanilla and peach... sounds nice."
"Viognier, sir?" the waiter recommends.
Hyunjin looks to you for approval, and your small nod seals the deal. "Weâll have that," he says.
The wine arrives alongside your meals, and the two of you fall into a rhythm of eating, sipping, and conversing between bites.
"How long have you been swimming?" you ask.
"Since I was eight," he replies, pausing to take a sip of wine.
"Wow. I didnât even realize I wanted to be a ballerina until I was twelve," you admit.
Heâs struck by how much more at ease you seem now, whether itâs the wine or simply warming up to him. "What did you want to be before that?"
"A lot of things. An astronaut, a doctor, a ventriloquist..." You pause, your cheeks flushing with a laugh. "A vampire slayer."
Hyunjin bursts into laughter, shaking his head in disbelief. "You really wanted to be everything."
"My mom broke my heart when she said I couldnât be a vampire slayer," you say, your expression deadly serious.
"Honestly? Iâd be sad too," he jokes, grinning.
You lean in, lowering your voice as if sharing a secret. "Then she told me this: âItâs okay if you canât achieve your dream. You can always go back to sleep and live a new dream.â"
Your laughter carries across the table, and Hyunjin smiles faintly, though the sentiment hits too close to home. Finding a new dream is one thingâbut having the time to chase it is another entirely.
You finish your meal and dab your lips with a napkin. "The academy I teach at isnât far from here, just a few blocks away. I actually have to stop by to grab a few things."
You glance at him, your expression soft. "Do you want to come with me?"
The invitation catches him off guard, but the warmth behind it makes it impossible to refuse.
"Iâd love to," Hyunjin answers, smiling. For a fleeting moment, he feels less alone in facing the inevitableâbecause now, at least, he has a friend.
-
09:15 p.m.
"We'd like to pay with this," Hyunjin slides his phone across the table to the waiter.
The waiter studies the screen for a moment. You can see the subtle shift in his expression as realization dawnsâHyunjin's pity card, stark proof of his limited time, is what he offers as payment. The waiter looks back at both of you, his eyes softening, probably assuming this is some kind of farewell dinner.
He forces a smile and says, "We'll process it right away."
Hyunjin raises his eyebrows at you, a small grin tugging at his lips as if to say, Here it comes.
Sure enough, the waiter, taking a step away, turns back around and says solemnly, "We're very sorry."
Both of you burst into quiet laughter, your shared amusement breaking the gravity of the moment.
"That's one!" you tease, raising your coffee cup as if to toast.
When the waiter returns with Hyunjin's phone and the bill, his demeanor is still tinged with melancholy. As Hyunjin signs, the waiter fidgets slightly, clearly wrestling with unspoken words. In the end, all he offers is another subdued, "I'm very sorry."
You glance at Hyunjin with a smirk. "Two," you whisper under your breath.
The waiter departs, but not before the lady at the till calls after you as you're leaving. "Thank you, and we're very sorry."
The moment the door closes behind you, you and Hyunjin burst into unrestrained laughter.
"A hat trick!" he says, shaking his head, his hands tucked into his jacket pockets.
As you stroll to the academy, you find yourselves critiquing the meal like professional food critics, though the details blur in your slightly tipsy haze. The wine stands outâdelicious enough that youâd kept asking for refills. Thankfully, the cool evening air helps clear your head by the time you reach the academy.
You unlock the studio door, the faint scent of wood polish and faint traces of rosin welcoming you. The dim overhead lights flicker on, casting a warm glow over the polished floor and mirrored walls. Hyunjin steps inside, his eyes widening as he takes in the space.
"This is where you work?" he asks, his voice tinged with awe.
You nod. "My second home."
Hyunjin walks around the room, his footsteps echoing softly against the floor. He pauses by the ballet barre, running his fingers lightly over the smooth wood. "This place is beautiful," he murmurs.
You smile, setting your bag down. "It has its charm, doesn't it?"
His gaze falls on the wall of framed photosâgroups of smiling children in costumes, candid shots of performances. "Are these your students?"
"Yes," you say, walking up beside him. "Theyâre the reason I still love what I do."
Hyunjin glances at you, his expression soft. "I can see why they'd love you as a teacher."
The compliment catches you off guard, and your cheeks warm. Quickly, you motion to the barre. "Want to try something?"
He raises an eyebrow, intrigued. "Are you offering to teach me ballet?"
"Why not?" you say, grinning. "Youâre an athlete. Itâll be fun."
-
10:25 p.m.
You stand in front of him, arms crossed, as Hyunjin tentatively grips the barre. His tall frame looks comically out of place in the elegant studio.
"Okay," you begin, stepping closer. "Weâll start with something simpleâa pliĂŠ."
Hyunjin looks at you skeptically. "A what?"
You laugh softly. "Itâs just bending your knees. Easy."
Demonstrating, you lower yourself gracefully, your knees bending outward as your back stays straight. Hyunjin watches, nodding, and attempts to mimic you.
His execution is⌠not as graceful.
"No, no," you say, laughing, stepping behind him to adjust his posture. "Straighten your back. And donât forget to keep your heels on the ground."
You place your hands lightly on his shoulders to guide him. The moment your hands touch him, he stiffens, looking up at your reflection in the mirror.
"Relax," you say softly, your gaze meeting his.
He swallows hard, his Adamâs apple bobbing, and finally eases into the position. You step around to face him, studying his form critically.
"Not bad," you tease. "But your turnout needs work."
"Whatâs that?" he asks, genuinely curious.
You tap his knee gently. "Itâs the angle of your legs. Let me show you."
You crouch slightly, your hands brushing his calf as you adjust his stance. He watches you intently, his dark eyes following your every move. When you glance up, you find him staring.
"Something wrong?" you ask, standing upright.
He blinks and shakes his head. "No, itâs just⌠youâre really good at this."
You chuckle, stepping back. "Itâs my job."
Encouraged by your patient coaching, Hyunjin tries another pliĂŠ. Itâs still a little stiff, but he manages to get through it without wobbling.
"See? Youâre getting the hang of it," you say, clapping lightly.
"Donât lie," he says, laughing.
"Okay, youâre still stiff," you admit with a grin, "but thatâs expected. Ballet is all about control and precision."
Hyunjin straightens up, rolling his shoulders. "Itâs harder than it looks."
"Now you understand why ballerinas are tough," you say, playfully nudging him.
He laughs, the sound light and carefree. "Okay, whatâs next?"
You hesitate, considering. "Maybe a pirouette?"
"A what?"
You demonstrate the spin, moving with effortless grace. Hyunjin stares, wide-eyed.
"Yeah, no," he says, laughing nervously. "Iâll break something."
You step closer, placing a reassuring hand on his arm. "Iâll guide you. Trust me."
As you position him for the spin, your hand lingers on his waist. The closeness brings an unexpected tension between you, and for a moment, neither of you moves.
"You ready?" you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.
Hyunjin nods, his eyes locked on yours.
"Okay. One⌠two⌠three."
He spinsâclumsily, of courseâbut the two of you dissolve into laughter as he nearly stumbles into you. You catch his arm to steady him, the laughter fading as you find yourselves standing mere inches apart.
"Not bad for your first time," you say softly, your hand still on his arm.
Hyunjin smiles, his gaze lingering on you. "Only because I had a good teacher."
-
10:55 p.m.
The quiet of the studio wraps around you like a soft blanket, interrupted only by the faint hum of the overhead lights. Hyunjin leans against the barre, watching you adjust your pointe shoes with practiced precision. The thought has been circling his mind since you both left the restaurant, but now, in this space that seems so deeply a part of you, he canât hold back his curiosity.
âSoâŚâ he begins cautiously, his voice light but uncertain, âhow did it happen?â
You pause, looking up at him with a flicker of confusion.
âI mean, your accident,â he clarifies quickly, his expression apologetic, as though heâs afraid heâs overstepped. âIf itâs okay to ask.â
A faint smile touches your lips, and you straighten, leaning against the mirror. âTwo years ago,â you say softly, the words feeling fragile yet certain, as if the memory lives just on the edge of your voice.
Hyunjin stays quiet, giving you space to continue.
âI was preparing for an auditionâSwan Lake,â you say, your eyes shimmering with a mix of pride and pain. âIâd been working on my fouettĂŠs for weeks, trying to perfect all thirty-two of them. It was⌠everything to me.â
He can see it in your expression, the longing for something lost yet deeply cherished.
âThe morning of the audition, I was rushing to catch the bus,â you continue, your hand gesturing lightly as though retracing steps from that day. âI was almost out the door when I realized Iâd forgotten my shoesâthe ones I believed would bring me luck. So, I ran back to get them.â
Your voice falters, and Hyunjin feels a pang of dread, already sensing what comes next.
âWhen I stepped out of my apartment building, a car came out of nowhere.â
You take a deep breath, your fingers brushing over the edge of the barre. âIt wasnât even going that fast, but the way I fell⌠My leg took the worst of it. Surgery, physical therapy⌠the usual.â
Hyunjin swallows hard, unsure what to say. âDo you⌠regret going back for the shoes?â
A soft, almost bitter laugh escapes you. âEvery day.â
The silence that follows feels heavy and fragile, a moment suspended between reflection and grief.
âCan you dance at all now?â Hyunjin asks gently, his voice barely above a whisper, unsure if he wants to hear your answer.
You surprise him by smiling. âWhy donât I show you?â
Standing in the center of the studio, a quiet determination settles over you. The space transforms as you raise your arms, your posture suddenly regal, every movement deliberate and graceful.
âThis is the introduction to Black Swan, Act III,â you say, your voice steady. âItâs what Iâd prepared for the audition.â
Hyunjin nods, unable to take his eyes off you as you begin to move. You are mesmerizing, every gesture steeped in a passion he can feel even in the silence of the room. But as you transition into the fouettĂŠs, he notices the strain in your expression. Your balance falters, your leg wobbles, and before he can call out, you tumble to the floor.
âAre you okay?â Hyunjin rushes to your side, dropping to his knees as you prop yourself up on your elbows.
Instead of answering, you let out a loud, breathless laugh that echoes through the studio. You collapse back onto the polished floor, holding your stomach as the laughter spills out, unstoppable.
Hyunjin blinks, confused at first, but the sound of your laughter pulls him in. A small smile tugs at his lips. âYouâre unbelievable,â he mutters, lying down beside you.
The quiet returns, the two of you staring up at the ceiling.
After a moment, you speak, your voice softer now, almost wistful. âSometimes, I like to think thereâs another me out there, one who made it to the audition, who got to live that dream.â
Hyunjin turns his head to look at you. Your expression is calm, tinged with longing but also a quiet acceptance.
âAnd you know what?â you continue, your voice barely above a whisper. âIâm happy for her and thatâs enough for me.â
Hyunjin doesnât know what to say, so he simply stays beside you, sharing the silence. Thereâs something achingly beautiful about your acceptance, the way youâve found peace in the life you have now.
In that moment, he realizes how much strength it takes to smile at what could have been and quietly say, Thatâs enough.
-
11:13 p.m.
The studio falls into a comfortable silence, the kind that feels like a warm embrace. After a while, you sit up, brushing your hands over the smooth wood of the floor, and glance at Hyunjin lying beside you. He looks peaceful, almost lost in thought, but you canât help the smile tugging at your lips as an idea forms.
âI showed you my dancing,â you say, breaking the quiet. âNow I want to see you swim.â
Hyunjinâs head turns toward you, his brows lifting slightly in surprise. âYou want to see me swim?â he asks, his voice soft yet curious.
You nod, leaning back on your palms. âItâs only fair. I want to see you doing what you do best.â
For a moment, he studies you, as if trying to gauge whether youâre serious. Then, a small chuckle escapes him, and he pushes himself up to sit beside you. âAlright,â he says, a playful smile spreading across his face. âIf you really want to.â
He rises to his feet effortlessly and extends a hand to you, his fingers warm and steady as they wrap around yours. With a strong tug, he pulls you up, but the motion catches you off guard, and your body stumbles forward, colliding with his.
Your breath hitches as you find yourself pressed against him, your hands instinctively landing on his chest for balance. Hyunjinâs hands settle on your waist, steadying you, and for a moment, the world feels still againâbut this time, itâs charged with something unspoken.
You glance up at him, and your heart skips a beat when you notice his gaze lingering on your lips. The air feels heavier, your pulse quickening under his touch. His expression is unreadable, his eyes soft yet intense, as if caught in a moment of indecision.
Flustered, you look away quickly, stepping back to put some distance between you. âI should, um, clean out my locker first,â you say, your voice slightly rushed. âThen we can go.â
Hyunjin blinks, the spell broken, and his lips curve into a small, understanding smile. âAlright,â he replies simply, his tone easy and light, as though nothing happened.
You turn toward the studio door, your cheeks warm as you try to steady your racing thoughts. Behind you, Hyunjinâs footsteps follow quietly, his presence a steady comfort in the stillness of the room.
-
11:49 p.m.
As the taxi pulls up in front of the aquatic center, Hyunjin is the first to step out. The cool night air brushes against his skin as he circles around to your side, offering his hand to help you out of the back seat. You take it with a quiet "thank you," and he smiles softly in response, his fingers lingering for a moment before he lets go.
Inside, the center is quiet, the fluorescent lights casting a pale glow over the sleek, tiled interior. Hyunjin leads the way, his footsteps echoing lightly in the stillness, but after a few steps, he notices youâre no longer beside him.
He turns around, his brows knitting together in concern. âWhatâs wrong?â he asks.
You hold up your phone, its screen glowing in the dim light, and his eyes fall to the numbers displayed there. Itâs past midnight. The date has turned, and the realization hits him like a weight in his chestâthis is it. The day has come.
âItâs today,â you say quietly, your voice steady but tinged with sadness.
Hyunjin studies your face, searching for any sign of fear. âAre you scared?â he asks softly.
You donât answer right away, your lips curving into a sad smile instead. Then, with a steadying breath, you meet his gaze and say, âPromise me something.â
His heart tightens at your tone. âWhat is it?â
âIf my time comes first,â you begin, your voice cracking slightly, âI want you to move on. Keep going. Finish your day, okay?â
Hyunjinâs chest tightens, his head shaking before you can even finish the thought. âNo,â he says firmly, stepping closer to you. âI canât do that. Not unless you promise me the same thing.â
You hesitate, your eyes glistening under the soft glow of the lights. After a moment, you nod, your voice a whisper. âOkay. Weâll both keep going.â
He takes your hand in his, his grip firm but comforting. âWeâll do it together,â he says, his voice steady and resolute.
You smile at him then, soft and bittersweet, and he feels his heart ache at how brave you are in this moment.
Hyunjin squeezes your hand gently and tilts his head. âSo,â he says, a small smile playing on his lips, âdo you still want to see me swim, or is there something else youâd rather do?â
You shake your head, a quiet laugh escaping you. âI still want to see you swim,â you insist, your determination making his heart feel lighter.
He chuckles softly, releasing your hand and motioning toward the pool. âAlright then,â he says. âLetâs make this count.â
With that, he turns and walks with you into the aquatic center, the weight of the clock pressing on both of you, but your shared promise holding it at bay for just a little longer.
-
12:07 a.m.
The sharp, unmistakable scent of chlorine stings your nose as you step inside the aquatic center. The lights overhead cast shimmering reflections across the vast, still water, and you pause, taking it all in. The pool is immense, almost intimidating in its size, with the kind of quiet that feels both peaceful and eerie.
You walk to the edge, peering over cautiously. The water glimmers below, deceptively inviting, but as your gaze shifts downward, the sheer depth of the pool sends a chill through you.
âCan you swim?â Hyunjinâs voice cuts through the stillness, pulling your focus to him.
You shake your head, your lips pressing into a tight line. âNo,â you admit softly. âI almost drowned once when I was ten. Iâve been afraid of swimming ever since.â
Hyunjin studies you for a moment, his expression thoughtful. Then, with a small smile, he says, âItâs not too late to learn, you know.â
You hesitate, your arms wrapping around yourself. The idea alone sends your pulse racing, the memory of water filling your lungs still too vivid in your mind. âItâs⌠not that easy,â you mumble, avoiding his gaze.
Hyunjin steps closer, holding out his hand to you. His voice is gentle but insistent. âCome with me. I can teach you how to swim⌠without the water.â
You glance at his outstretched hand, uncertainty swirling inside you. But the way he looks at you, so patient and reassuring, nudges you forward. Slowly, you nod.
âAlright,â you say, placing your hand in his.
He leads you to a smaller pool, its drained interior revealing its tiled floor. Hyunjin climbs down the ladder first, but the rungs donât reach all the way to the bottom, and you watch as he drops the last few feet with an easy, practiced grace.
âItâs not so bad,â he calls up to you, extending his arms. âCome on. Iâll guide you down.â
You grip the ladder, your knuckles whitening as you lower yourself carefully. Hyunjin watches you closely, his gaze steady and encouraging. But as you near the bottom, your foot slips on the slick metal.
Your heart lurches as you lose your grip, your body tilting backward into the empty pool.
âHyunjin!â you cry out, the name leaving your lips instinctively as panic seizes you.
For a split second, the world tilts and blurs, your breath catching in your throat. The feeling of falling stretches out endlessly, your chest tightening with dread. Is this it? Is this the moment everything ends?
The silence in the pool amplifies the rush of your heartbeat, drowning out everything else.
-
12:15 a.m.
It all happens so fast that Hyunjin doesnât fully register the moment until youâre lying at the bottom of the drained pool, unmoving. A jolt of fear grips him as he rushes to your side, kneeling beside you.
âHey,â he calls softly, his voice trembling. His hand hovers over your shoulder, unsure whether to shake you or give you space. Your eyes remain closed, and thereâs no reaction. For a second, his breath hitches.
Then, just as his chest tightens with panic, you let out a low whine, your hand reaching for the back of your head. Relief crashes over him so strongly that he nearly laughs out loud.
âYou scared me!â he exclaims, leaning closer as he gently brushes his fingers against the back of your head to check for any injury. âDoes it hurt here?â
You wince but then immediately chuckle, brushing him off. âThat wouldâve been such an anticlimactic death,â you joke, trying to sit up.
Hyunjin lets out a shaky laugh, torn between exasperation and amusement. âI donât think Iâd recover from that,â he mutters, helping you up. To make sure youâre okay, he holds up three fingers with a mock-serious expression. âAlright, genius. How many fingers am I holding up?â
Rolling your eyes, you swat his hand away, a grin tugging at your lips. âIâm fine, Hyunjin.â
âYou sure?â He narrows his eyes, clearly still worried.
âYes, Iâm sure,â you reply, waving him off. âNow, are you going to teach me how to swim or not?â
He laughs and takes a step back, gesturing for you to follow him to the center of the empty pool. âAlright, since youâre so eager. Do you have a swimming style in mind?â
âUh⌠backstroke?â
âBackstroke, huh? Fancy choice.â He teases, listing a few othersâfreestyle, breaststroke, butterflyâall with a playful grin. Shrugging off his hoodie and tossing it to the side, he positions himself in front of you, standing tall and confident.
âOkay,â he says, holding his arms out in front of him. âRest your back on my arms. Iâll guide you.â
You hesitate, your brows knitting together. âI donât know, I might be too heavyââ
âSeriously?â He rolls his eyes and interrupts you. âIâm an athlete. Iâm strong enough to hold you. Just trust me.â
Still unsure, you eventually take a deep breath and lean back, letting your weight settle onto his arms. His grip is steady, firm, and reassuring.
âSee? No problem,â he says, his voice soft now, coaxing you to relax. âAlright, keep your body straight, like youâre floating on water. Flap your arms back and kick your feet forward, just like this.â
You follow his guidance, mimicking the movements, and he begins to move backward, gently carrying you along. It feels so real that for a moment, you let yourself believe youâre actually swimming.
But then your focus drifts as you glance at himâhis sharp features illuminated under the poolâs dim lights, the concentration in his expression, the way he looks at you like youâre the only person in the world.
He catches your gaze and quirks a brow. âWhat?â
Flustered, you quickly look away, and your hand smacks against the tiled wall at the end of the pool. Startled, you sit up.
âWhoa, swimmer!â Hyunjin teases, his laughter echoing in the empty pool. âIf this was real, your head wouldâve hit the wall instead of your hand.â
You canât help but laugh with him, the moment so lighthearted and surreal that it temporarily pushes the looming reality of the day out of your mind.
Hyunjin chuckles as your laughter fades, his hand brushing back his damp hair. The glimmer in his eyes is playful, but thereâs an undercurrent of something softer, almost protective, as he watches you sit up fully, still smiling from his teasing.
"Alright," he says, crossing his arms. "Youâre not bad for someone whoâs never been in the water."
You roll your eyes but canât help grinning. âThanks to my amazing teacher, right?â
He bows theatrically. âObviously. Natural talent helps too, but Iâll let you take some credit.â
You shake your head, standing up as you stretch your arms. âWell,â you say with mock seriousness, ânow that Iâve impressed you with my not-so-real swimming skills, itâs your turn to show me what youâve got.â
Hyunjin straightens, his grin widening. âOh, you want to see me swim for real?â
âOf course,â you reply, stepping aside and gesturing toward the other end of the pool. âHow else am I supposed to judge if youâre actually any good?â
He smirks at your challenge, the competitive spark in his eyes lighting up. âAlright, Iâll show you,â he says confidently, already pulling his hoodie back on. âBut donât blinkâyou might miss how fast I am.â
You laugh, following him as he leads the way out of the drained pool, anticipation bubbling in the air between you.
-
12:55 a.m.
The aquatic center feels almost otherworldly in its stillness, the faint scent of chlorine hanging in the air. When Hyunjin finally reappears, dressed in nothing but his swimming trunks, towel, and goggles in hand, it takes you by surprise. His tall, lean frame seems even more striking now, the hoodie he'd worn earlier having hidden the breadth of his shoulders and the defined lines of his physique.
You catch yourself staring, and before you can stop it, an awkward giggle slips out. Hyunjin tilts his head, confused but amused. "What?" he asks.
Shyly, you admit, "Nothing, I justâ I was starting to get creeped out being here all alone when you went to change."
He chuckles softly, walking to the edge of the pool. He crouches to scoop water into his hand, splashing it onto the back of his neck before straightening up.
"I need to warm up first," he says casually. You nod, stepping back to give him space.
Hyunjin drops to the ground and starts doing push-ups, his muscles flexing with each movement. Youâre mesmerized despite yourself, your gaze tracing the way his body moves with fluid strength. Feeling the heat creep up your face, you force yourself to look away just as he finishes, bouncing lightly on his feet to shake out his wrists and arms.
"Donât blink," he says, smirking as he heads toward the pool. "I swim so fast, you might miss it."
Rolling your eyes playfully, you respond with a teasing, "Iâll try to keep up."
Hyunjin dives in, his body cutting through the water with ease. The rhythmic splashing fills the air, and you canât help but admire him. Watching him move with such precision and grace, he looks almost otherworldlyâlike a god emerging from the sea as he surfaces and climbs out of the pool.
The sight of water beading on his skin makes you avert your gaze, your heart racing. Grabbing the towel he'd left behind, you hand it to him without meeting his eyes.
"What did you think?" he asks, running the towel over his hair.
"Eh, it was alright," you tease with a grin.
Hyunjin raises an eyebrow at your playful jab but chuckles, grabbing a stopwatch from his things. "Alright, critic. Letâs make it official. Time me this time."
"I donât know if Iâll get it right," you protest, but he waves your concerns off.
"It doesnât have to be perfect," he reassures you, securing his swimming cap and goggles. Once heâs ready, he asks, "You ready?"
You move closer to the poolâs edge, holding up the stopwatch. "Ready when you are."
Hyunjin steps onto the starting block, his form taut and focused. You start the countdown, your voice echoing slightly in the vast space. "Three... two... one!"
At the sound of "one," he dives in, and the water comes alive with his movement. Squatting down, you watch intently as he powers through the length of the pool and then back again, his speed almost unbelievable. The closer he gets to the edge, the tighter your grip on the stopwatch becomes.
When his hand finally slaps the wall, you hit the button, exhaling in relief.
Hyunjin surfaces, wiping his face. "Whatâs the time?"
You glance at the stopwatch, still catching your breath. "Forty-six point six-five," you announce, your voice tinged with excitement.
For a moment, Hyunjin looks puzzled, then his expression lights up. Dropping his towel, he strides over and lifts you effortlessly by the waist, spinning you around.
"Waitâdid you break your record?" you ask, half-laughing and half-stunned.
He nods, grinning, but the elation fades quickly. As he sets you back down, his smile dims, his joy giving way to something more subdued.
"Hyunjin, whatâs wrong?" you ask, concerned.
He shakes his head, forcing a small smile. "Itâs nothing," he murmurs. Without another word, he excuses himself to wash up, leaving you alone with the faint ripples in the pool and a lingering sense that something deeper is on his mind.
-
01:08 a.m.
The hot shower does little to clear Hyunjinâs mind, the cloud of thoughts stubbornly lingering as he dries off and dresses. He sighs, running a towel halfheartedly through his damp hair before giving up and heading out.
The sound of his footsteps echoes softly as he exits the changing room, and he sees you standing by the bulletin board, seemingly engrossed in its contents. At the sound of his approach, you turn, your face lighting up with a soft smile. Hyunjin feels something warm unfurl in his chestâa comfort he hadnât expected.
âYou didnât dry your hair properly,â you tease gently, pointing to the still-dripping strands clinging to his neck.
He rubs the back of his head sheepishly, and you tilt yours thoughtfully. âHow about some hot drinks after this?â
Hyunjin arches a brow, a teasing grin spreading across his face. âHot drinks, huh? Iâve got just the thing.â
The short walk to his apartment is quiet but companionable, and when Hyunjin opens the door, he apologizes for the small, bare setup. His apartment is modest and practicalâone room with everything visible at a glanceâbut he doesnât seem embarrassed, just matter-of-fact.
He heads straight for the kitchen, pulling out a bottle of whiskey from a cabinet. âThis is what I mean by hot drinks,â he says, smirking as he pours two glasses.
You both take a sip, and the burn of the alcohol draws simultaneous gasps. Laughing, Hyunjin suggests snacks to enjoy the drinks with and disappears back into the kitchen.
While heâs gone, your attention is drawn to a shelf lined with photos, medals, and trophies. You step closer, taking in the collection of memories. Thereâs Hyunjin on a podium, his face glowing with pride as he holds up a medal; Hyunjin mid-dive, captured in perfect form; Hyunjin smiling so brightly that the photo seems to radiate his joy.
When he returns, balancing a plate of snacks, he pauses beside you, his gaze falling on the same shelf. For a moment, thereâs silence, just the two of you standing there, and then Hyunjin lets out a soft sigh.
Hyunjin sets everything down on the small table, but his eyes linger on the shelf filled with memorabilia. The once-vivid memories of his accomplishments now feel distant, like faded photographs of a life that no longer feels like his own.
He steps closer, his gaze tracing over the medals hanging neatly on hooks, the trophies gleaming faintly under the dim light, and the framed photos of him on various winner's podiums. He can almost hear the echo of applause, the feel of a medal being draped around his neck, the weight of victory sitting proud on his shoulders.
But the applause has long since faded, and what hangs over him now is a heavier truth: it will all become nothing.
Hyunjin swallows hard, the realization pressing against his chest like a stone. Every record he broke, every trophy he held highâsoon, none of it will matter. No one will remember him or the things he did. The glory, the pride, the recognitionâit will all vanish as if it never existed.
He lets out a shaky breath, his voice barely above a whisper. âAll of this... itâs meaningless now. Everything Iâve doneâitâs nothing. Soon, itâll all be forgotten.â
The weight of his words fills the room, thick and suffocating. His shoulders slump as he drops his gaze, unable to meet your eyes. For a moment, he feels like the water heâs so accustomed toâa surface rippling with movement, but underneath, a deep void pulling him down.
You stand beside him, quietly taking in his anguish. Finally, you turn to him, your voice steady, a soft but unyielding anchor against the tide of his despair. âI disagree with you, Hyunjin.â
Hyunjin looks at you, surprised by your tone.
âThis is... your whole life and it shows that you achieved a lot of great, wonderful things. You can see how far you've become, your triumphs and failures, everything that makes you who you are now,â you say, your eyes locking with his. âAnd just because the whole world doesn't know how great you are this doesn't mean it's nothing. This is not nothing, this is everything.â
He watches you intently, your words weaving through the storm of his thoughts like threads of light. For a moment, he feels the weight on his chest lift, just enough for him to draw a deeper breath.
It's true that his dream is to make a mark in the world, he wants to be remembered by the world but as he looks at you, Hyunjin realizes that it only takes one person to know what he capable of. He doesn't need the whole world to know that he's great, he only needs one that fully acknowledges him as one.
-
01:22 a.m.
Hyunjin's words linger in the air, heavy with vulnerability, and for the first time since meeting him, you realize just how deeply he craves to make a mark on this world. It isnât just about the trophies on his shelf or the accolades heâs earnedâitâs about the story he wants to leave behind, the proof that he existed, that he mattered.
You see it in the way his fingers hover over the medals, in the wistful look in his eyes as they trace the photos on the shelf. For all his confidence and charisma, thereâs a quiet fear beneath it allâa fear of being forgotten, of fading into obscurity when his time is up.
âHyunjinâŚâ you say softly, stepping closer to him. He doesnât look at you right away, his gaze fixed on a photo of him on a podium, his smile bright but distant, like a memory that no longer feels real.
You hesitate for a moment, unsure of what to say. But then, the words spill out. âYou are something and you're a fool for thinking otherwise.â
That catches his attention. He turns to look at you, his expression unreadable, and for a second, you worry youâve said too much. But then his lips part, as if heâs about to say something, and he stops himself.
Instead, he just looks at you. Really looks at you. And in his eyes, you see something shiftâa softening, a quiet acknowledgment of your words sinking in.
You feel your pulse quicken, the air between you charged with something unspoken. âAnd I know that we'll go into oblivion soon,â you continue, your voice steady but quiet, âbut I'm still here and I know, I know how remarkable you are.â
Hyunjinâs gaze doesnât waver, and for the first time, you see him without the walls heâs so carefully built around himself. He takes a step closer, his hand reaching out as if to steady himselfâor maybe you.
âI donât know if I can believe that yet,â he murmurs, his voice so soft itâs almost a whisper. âBut⌠thank you.â
The way heâs looking at you now feels differentâlike heâs searching for something, something only you can give him. And as the silence stretches between you, you feel the weight of it shift into something warmer, something that pulls you closer to him without either of you realizing it.
When Hyunjin leans in, it isnât sudden. Itâs slow, deliberate, as if heâs giving you every chance to step back. But you donât. You hold your ground, your breath catching as his face inches closer to yours.
And when his lips finally meet yours, itâs soft, almost hesitant, like heâs asking a question heâs too afraid to voice aloud. But as you kiss him back, the answer becomes clear. For this moment, at least, he isnât alone.
Hyunjin pulls back slightly, his forehead resting against yours, his breath warm and uneven against your skin. His eyes flutter open, and for a moment, you both stay there, caught in the stillness of the moment. His gaze searches yours, hesitant but vulnerable, like heâs waiting for somethingâvalidation, reassurance, or maybe just the courage to believe in himself.
Before he can say anything, you lean in again, capturing his lips with yours. This kiss is different, deeper, more intentional. You pour everything you want him to know into itâall the words he needs to hear, the things you canât quite say aloud.
You are something. You are remarkable. You are a wonder, both in the water and outside of it.
Hyunjin responds immediately, his hands sliding to your waist, holding you like youâre the anchor he didnât realize he needed. You can feel the way his lips tremble slightly against yours, the way his touch tightens just enough to keep you close but not trap you.
Through the kisses, you try to tell him everything you feel. That his achievements arenât meaningless. That his existence isnât something that will fade into nothingness. That even in the face of the inevitable, he has already left a markâon you, on the world, on everyone lucky enough to know him.
His hands move to cradle your face, his thumbs brushing against your cheeks as if grounding himself in this moment, in you. His lips press harder against yours, the kiss turning fervent, desperate, as though heâs trying to absorb every ounce of comfort and affirmation youâre giving him.
You can feel the tension in his body begin to melt away, replaced by something softer, something more vulnerable. The world outside fades, leaving only the two of you in this small, quiet space.
When you finally pull back, itâs not farâjust enough to catch your breath. Hyunjinâs eyes remain closed for a moment, his expression unreadable, but when they open, theyâre shining with something you canât quite name. Gratitude, maybe. Hope.
âYouâreâŚâ he begins, his voice barely above a whisper. But he doesnât finish. Instead, he leans in again, his lips finding yours once more, and this time, it feels like a promise.
The two of you melt into each other, the kisses growing slower but no less intense. You lose track of time, caught in the warmth and closeness, as if the weight of the world has lifted, if only for a little while. For this moment, at least, youâre both enoughâjust as you are.
-
01:52 a.m.
Hyunjin's forehead still resting against yours, his breath warm against your lips. His fingers trail softly down your arms, and his gaze locks onto yours with an intensity that makes your heart race. Thereâs no hesitation now, no doubt in the way he looks at you, like heâs trying to memorize every detail, every curve, every moment.
Without a word, he cups your face, his touch both gentle and steady, as if grounding himself in you. His thumbs trace slow circles over your cheeks, and you feel your breath hitch as his lips find yours again, softer this time, yet filled with a quiet yearning.
The world around you feels muted, distant, as he leads you toward the bed. The dim light casts soft shadows, and the room seems to shrink until it holds only the two of you.
âYou're breathtaking,â Hyunjin murmurs with a low, sultry voice.
"Wait, wait. I'm..." you protest in breathless sighs, your hips arching, lifting off the bed.
He rushes a kiss on your open mouth, his lips graze yours as he says, "Let go. I've got you."
Your abdomen flexes under his arm as you clench around his fingers so hard it nearly pushes him out of you. His cock has never been so jealous than when you begin to come. Your eyes grow big, and your mouth drops open on a silent scream, and your wall clutches around his long, dainty fingers harder with each pulse.
Unreal. Hyunjin says in his head as he looks at you with a pair of big, lustful eyes.
"Look how gorgeous you are, coming on my fingers." He coos, his eyes traveling down your naked body that feels small in his arms. You moan louder in response and he knows he hits his mark.
Eventually, looking is not enough for him so he uses his free hand to touch you. "Look at your eyes, your mouth, your breasts. This soft, soft skin..."
Hyunjin softly smiles at your beauty as you fall apart around him. "So beautiful..."
You're still climaxing and you need this more than he realized. Which means you haven't had it in a while, at least not this good.
"Hyunjin!" You shriek, almost in a panic.
He presses his plush lips to your ear, his breath hot and tickling. "You look perfect like this."
Low moans are spilling out of you, still coming and struggling to breathe through it. Hyunjin curls his fingers and taps you right in the spot in a quick rhythm, and your eyes roll back a little.
"Good girl, keep coming for me. You're doing so well. That's it, be my greedy girl."
When you collapse onto the bed, he ushers you onto his lap, then cradles your spent body in his arms. As soon as he pulls his fingers out, your thighs press together.
"Don't close your legs." Hyunjin rests a hand on your inner thigh, wanting to see every spasm as he tastes your lips. "You're done hiding from me."
You lie side by side, and Hyunjin hesitates for a moment, his hand brushing a strand of hair from your face. His gaze searches yours, as if silently asking for permission, for reassurance. You respond with a small nod, your fingers reaching to trace the curve of his jaw.
When he leans in again, itâs slow, deliberate. His lips move with yours in a rhythm that feels like a conversation, one that needs no words. His hand finds yours, fingers interlacing as he presses you closer, as if trying to erase the space between you.
âAt least, we don't have to worry about condoms,â Hyunjin makes a funny remark as he settles himself between you.
A chuckle escapes your mouth in response, your head falls back onto the pillow. âThatâs one way to see it!â
Hyunjin lowers his mouth on you, his trail of kisses begin from your ribcage, he goes lower and sideways, placing kisses on your abdomen that tenses as his lips get closer to where you want him the most. He flashes you a sly smile before placing the gentlest of kiss on your clit. As if that isn't enough to make you wet, he lands a few licks between your folds and drags his tongue upward only to swirls it around your clit and finishes it with another kiss on your clit, briefly sucking at it before letting go.
âI'm going in, yeah?â
You nod in consent, opening your legs wider for him and trying not to stare too much as Hyunjin will only stare back at you, and you'll likely crumble under his intense gaze.
âOh...â you bite back a gasp the second you feel him entering you, just the tip but you can already feel that his size is above average.
Hyunjin props his hands on each side of you, deciding to hover above you as he pushes the rest of his length by motioning his hips. In this proximity, you can see the way his pupils gradually dilated and his eyelids fluttering the more of him being inside you. Overwhelmed, Hyunjin throws his head back and pushes the rest of his cock until he's fully sheathed in your warm, velvety walls.
âArgh...â his moan raw and broken as if something wounded him.
The world feels suspended, reduced to just the two of you and the quiet rhythm of your breaths. His bare skin glows in the dim of the light, the contours of his body sculpted with an almost otherworldly beauty.
As he thrusts into you at a slow, steady pace, you reach up, your fingers tracing the elegant lines of his collarbone, the smooth expanse of his chest. Every touch feels like discovering him for the first time, each detail making your heart ache with something too profound to name.
âYouâre staring,â Hyunjin murmurs, his voice soft, almost teasing, though a faint blush colors his cheeks.
âCan you blame me?â you whisper, your voice filled with awe as your fingers trail over the curve of his shoulder. âYouâre so beautiful, Hyunjin.â
His lips twitch into a small, shy smile, but his eyes stay locked on yours, filled with an intensity that makes your breath catch. âYou make me feel like Iâm more than I am,â he says quietly, the vulnerability in his voice wrapping around you.
You shake your head, your hand sliding to the slope of his waist, marveling at how perfectly he fits into the moment, into you. âNo,â you whisper. âYouâre exactly as you are. And thatâs perfect.â
He lowers himself slightly, his long hair brushing against your skin as his lips hover near yours. Your hands continue their exploration, tracing the ridges of his ribs, the softness of his hips, and the strength of his arms as they're now propped in each side of your head.
âYouâre not real,â you murmur, your fingertips brushing along his jaw, marveling at how soft yet strong he feels. âYou canât be.â
Hyunjin laughs softly, the sound vibrating through both of you. âIâm real,â he assures you, lowering his lips to brush against yours in a kiss that feels as light as air. âBut if Iâm not,â he whispers against your mouth, âthen Iâm glad I get to exist in this moment with you.â
Your hand finds his face, cupping his cheek as you pull him down into a deeper kiss, your body pressing against his as if to anchor him to the earth, to you. And in this moment, as you touch and hold and feel him, you believe in the magic of him, in the impossibility made real, and in the fleeting beauty of this shared, perfect moment.
The rest of the night unfolds in whispers and warmth, every touch and movement filled with quiet intimacy. Thereâs no rush, no urgency, just the two of you discovering and rediscovering each other, as if this fleeting moment is all that matters.
Eventually, the room falls into a soft silence, broken only by the sound of your breathing. Hyunjinâs arm wraps around you, pulling you into the curve of his body. His hand rests lightly against your waist, his thumb drawing lazy patterns on your skin.
In the stillness, he presses a lingering kiss to the crown of your head. âYouâre remarkable too,â he murmurs, his voice low and laced with sincerity.
A small smile tugs at your lips, and you nestle closer to him, your fingers brushing against his. For the first time, the weight of the day seems to lift, leaving only this shared moment, this connection, that feels infinite despite the inevitable.
-
02:59 a.m.
The early dawn filters softly through the curtains, casting a bluish glow over the room as you lay next to Hyunjin, your head resting on his arm while his other hand lazily traces small patterns along your back. His warmth surrounds you, and for a moment, the world feels still and quiet.
With a curious smile, you tilt your head to look up at him. âHyunjin?â you call softly, your voice breaking the comfortable silence.
Hyunjin turns his head to the side and softly gazes into your eyes. âYeah?â
âWhat would your perfect day look like?â
Hyunjin grins, a playful gleam in his eyes. âThis,â he says, gesturing to the two of you tangled together under the covers. âRight here, right now. Best way to be found dead.â
You laugh and gently swat at his chest, shaking your head. âStop saying things like that,â you scold, though the smile on your face betrays your amusement. âI want a serious answer.â
Hyunjin hums thoughtfully, his gaze drifting toward the ceiling as he considers. âOkay,â he finally says. âIâd start the day early, maybe before sunrise. Iâd drive to this lake I used to visit when I was younger. Itâs peaceful, surrounded by trees, and the waterâs always so calm in the morning.â His voice softens as he speaks, a hint of nostalgia coloring his words. âIt must be beautiful this time of year.â
You shift slightly, propping yourself up on your elbow to get a better look at him. âIs it far?â
âNot too far,â Hyunjin replies, turning his head to meet your gaze. âAbout two hours by car.â
A spark of determination lights up in your eyes, and you sit up, pulling the blanket with you. âThen letâs go,â you declare, your voice filled with excitement. âLetâs create a perfect day. Itâs the last chance we have, so why not make it count?â
Hyunjin looks up at you, his expression softening as his lips curve into a tender smile. For a moment, he says nothing, just gazes at you like youâve just handed him the world.
âNo, letâs just stay here. It's perfect like this,â Hyunjin says with a sly grin.
You gently slap his chest and whine, hoping to put some senses into him.
Slowly, he sits up, leaning closer until his lips brush against yours in a kiss so gentle it feels like a promise. When he pulls back, his face lingers close to yours, his breath warm against your skin. âOkay. Letâs do it,â he murmurs, his voice low but steady. âLetâs go.â
-
03:25 a.m.
Hyunjin is scribbling something on a piece of paper when you return, holding two bags of snacks and drinks from the convenience store. The way his brow furrows slightly in concentration catches your attention, and you pause for a moment, noticing he's using your red hairtie to tie his hair into a low ponytail and engrossed on writing something on a piece of paper.
You step closer and knock on the windshield, grinning as his head snaps up, startled. His wide eyes make you laugh, the sound light and teasing as you shake your head. He rolls his eyes in mock annoyance but leans over to push the car door open for you.
âNeed help with those?â he asks, already reaching for the bags in your hands.
âThanks,â you say, handing them over as he places them neatly in the backseat.
âDid you get everything?â he asks, glancing at the bags.
You nod. âYep, all set.â Then, reaching into your pocket, you pull out something small and hold it up. âOh, and this,â you add with a smile.
Hyunjin tilts his head, curious. âWhatâs that?â
âFor you,â you say, showing him the little star-shaped pin in your hand. âYour reward for breaking your time record today.â
His expression shifts, his gaze softening as he looks at the pin. A smile spreads slowly across his face, and for a moment, he doesnât say anything.
Without waiting, you lean in and carefully attach the pin to the lapel of his jacket. âThere,â you say, stepping back slightly to admire your work. âCongratulations, Hyunjin.â
He looks down at the pin, his smile widening, and when his gaze lifts to meet yours, thereâs a playful glint in his eyes. âYou're not going to kiss me?â he asks, his voice teasing yet warm.
You let out a soft laugh and lean in, brushing a quick kiss against his lips. But before you can fully pull away, Hyunjinâs hand comes up to the back of your neck, and he pulls you in for another kissâdeeper, slower.
You giggle against his lips, your laughter muffled between you, and he smiles into the kiss before finally pulling back. The warmth in his gaze lingers, leaving you breathless and smiling.
âAlright,â he says, settling back into his seat and starting the car. âShall we?â
You buckle your seatbelt, excitement bubbling up as you nod. âReady when you are.â
Hyunjin glances at you, his own excitement mirrored in his expression. âAlright, here we go,â he says, pulling out of the parking lot, the perfect day waiting just ahead.
-
04:11 a.m.
The hum of the car fills the air as you and Hyunjin drive down the winding road, the sun rising higher with each passing mile. Youâre both relaxed, trading stories and laughing as a small mountain of snack wrappers begins to pile up between you. Hyunjin occasionally glances your way, his smile soft but constant, as if the moment itself feels too perfect to break.
Reaching into the bag beside you, you pull out a can of soda and hand it to him. âHere,â you say, passing it over without thinking.
Hyunjin takes it with one hand, his other still loosely gripping the steering wheel. As he shifts his attention to crack the tab open, the can slips from his fingers. The drink spills across the front of his t-shirt in an instant, cold liquid spreading like a stain across the fabric.
âAh, shit!â Hyunjin exclaims, pulling the car slightly to the side as you grab a handful of tissues.
âHold still,â you say, leaning over to help dab at the spill.
Hyunjin laughs, the sound tinged with embarrassment as he attempts to help, both of your hands awkwardly brushing against each other. âYouâre worse at this than me,â he teases.
âHey, itâs your fault for spilling in the first place!â you counter, trying to keep your tone light as you both focus on cleaning up the mess.
But then it happensâHyunjinâs attention strays too long from the road, and neither of you notice the dog suddenly darting into the street.
âHyunjin!â you scream, your voice sharp with panic as your hand instinctively shoots out to grab his arm.
His eyes snap forward, and his body reacts instantly. The tires screech against the asphalt as he slams on the brakes, the force jerking both of you against your seatbelts. The world feels as though itâs spinning for a second, the weight of the abrupt stop pressing hard against your chest.
The car comes to a halt just inches away from the small, trembling dog, its wide eyes staring at you through the windshield.
Your heart is racing, your breaths shallow and shaky as you sit frozen, staring out at the still figure on the road. Hyunjin grips the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles white as he exhales a shaky breath.
âAre you okay?â he asks, his voice low and thick with concern.
You nod numbly, your voice catching in your throat as you try to answer. âY-yeah. Are you?â
He glances at you, his expression softening when he sees your trembling hands. âIâm fine,â he assures you, though his voice is quieter now, more careful.
The two of you sit in silence for a long moment, the sound of your racing hearts almost audible in the stillness. Then, Hyunjin glances at the dog, who scampers away unscathed, disappearing into the brush.
âIâm so sorry,â he says, his voice cracking slightly as he turns to face you fully.
You shake your head quickly, trying to reassure him. âItâs okay. Itâs not your fault,â you say, though the adrenaline coursing through your veins makes your words waver.
Hyunjinâs hand hesitates for a moment before it finds yours, his fingers squeezing gently. âWeâre okay,â he whispers, almost as if convincing himself.
You nod again, letting out a shaky laugh. âYeah, we are.â
As the car slowly starts moving again, the tension lingers, but thereâs a quiet understanding between youâa shared moment that feels heavier than words, as if both of you silently acknowledge how fragile this perfect day could have been.
-
05:22 a.m.
The car ride is quiet now, the earlier tension still lingering in the air. Neither of you speak for a while, each lost in your thoughts as the road stretches ahead. The sun begins to crest over the horizon, its warm light spilling across the landscape, painting the morning in hues of gold and soft pink.
You reach for the window switch and roll it down, letting the cool morning breeze rush into the car. It sweeps through your hair, refreshing and light, and you close your eyes for a moment, letting the sensation calm your nerves.
When you glance over at Hyunjin, heâs already looking at you, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. You canât help but smile back, warmth blooming in your chest despite the chill of the breeze.
âLook at the sky,â you say softly, nodding toward the view. âItâs beautiful.â
Hyunjin tears his gaze from you, his eyes following your gesture. The sky is breathtaking, streaked with the first slivers of sunlight that break through the faint morning mist.
âYeah,â he murmurs, his voice low and reflective. âIt is.â
His hand leaves the steering wheel, searching for yours. When he finds it, he laces his fingers with yours and rests them gently on his lap. His touch is warm and grounding, a silent reassurance that everything is okay now.
Hyunjin keeps his eyes on the horizon, the soft glow of the sun reflecting in his gaze. âItâs beautiful,â he repeats, but this time, his voice is heavier, almost wistful, as if heâs savoring the moment in a way he never has before.
You tighten your hold on his hand, the simple gesture conveying what words canât. Together, you sit in the quiet, watching the morning unfold, the world outside feeling peaceful and endless as the car moves forward.
-
05:40 a.m.
The car comes to a halt, and you step out into the crisp morning air. Hyunjin joins you, stretching his arms over his head with a satisfied sigh. You glance around, the scent of pine and damp earth filling your lungs as you take in the scenery.
After a short walk, the lake comes into view, and you gasp, unable to contain your amazement. The water is perfectly still, a mirror reflecting the sky and the towering trees surrounding it. The faint golden light of the morning casts everything in a dreamy glow. The trees, just beginning to turn with the season, stand like silent sentinels guarding this little piece of paradise.
âWow,â you whisper, your voice barely audible over the soft rustling of leaves.
Hyunjin looks at you, his smile growing at your reaction. He reaches for your hand and takes it, his fingers warm and steady against yours. âCome on,â he says, leading you toward the waterâs edge.
The two of you stop just where the land kisses the lake. You peer down at the water, its surface so calm it feels like stepping into a painting.
âIt must be freezing,â you say, giving Hyunjin a wary glance.
He narrows his eyes playfully. âThatâs what makes it perfect for a morning swim.â
You shake your head firmly, taking a step back. âNo way.â
Hyunjin laughs, undeterred. âTrust me. Once youâre in, itâs not that bad.â
You laugh nervously, shaking your head again. âHyunjin, I still canât swim, remember?â
His expression softens, and he takes both of your hands in his. âAnd I told youâ No worries, Iâll hold you.â His tone is earnest, his dark eyes unwavering.
Despite your protests, heâs relentless, coaxing you closer to the edge until youâre standing there, shivering slightly in your underwear. You grip his hand tightly, trying one last time to dissuade him.
âHyunjin, Iâm seriousââ
Before you can finish, he sweeps you off your feet, his arms locking around your waist. You let out a startled squeal, clinging to him instinctively.
âHyunjin, donât you dareââ
But itâs too late. He steps into the water, pulling you with him. The cold shocks your body the second you make contact, and you scream, the sound piercing through the stillness of the lake.
Hyunjin doesnât stop until the two of you are submerged waist-deep. Youâre clinging to him for dear life, your arms wrapped tightly around his neck, your legs curling up to avoid the icy water.
âSee? Itâs not as bad as you think,â he says, his voice light with amusement as he looks down at you.
Your teeth are chattering, and you tighten your hold on him. âYouâre right,â you say through gritted teeth. âItâs worse than I thought it would be.â
Hyunjin throws his head back and laughs, his warm breath misting in the cool air. The sound is infectious, and soon youâre laughing too, your voices echoing across the serene lake.
He then adjusts your arms around his shoulders and gives you an encouraging look. âHold on tight,â he says, his voice warm with reassurance. You do as he says, gripping him as he begins to move through the water with ease.
The cold from earlier feels less harsh now, your body gradually adapting to the temperature. As Hyunjin swims farther from the shore, you cling to him, feeling the strength in his movements as he effortlessly cuts through the water.
âNot so bad now, huh?â he teases, glancing over his shoulder.
You roll your eyes but canât help a small smile. âIâm still debating.â
When he slows down, you notice just how far youâve come from the shore. The lake stretches around you, a perfect circle of serenity framed by towering trees. Hyunjin turns to face you, still holding you securely as you float together.
âRelax,â he says, his voice softer now. His hands guide you gently, helping you stay afloat. You take a deep breath and allow yourself to loosen your grip, trusting him.
The stillness of the moment washes over you as you look around. The world seems to fade away, leaving only the two of you suspended in the calm water under the open sky. The reflection of the trees and clouds ripples gently with every movement.
âStill as bad as you think?â Hyunjin asks, a playful glint in his eyes.
You shrug, pretending to be unimpressed. âItâs... alright, I guess.â
Hyunjin bursts out laughing, his joy infectious as it echoes across the lake. He leans in slightly, his arms finding their way around your waist. Before you can react, he pulls you down with him, both of you plunging beneath the surface.
The cold water shocks you as it rushes over your head, and you instinctively hold your breath. A moment later, you break the surface, gasping for air.
âHyunjin!â you sputter, wiping water from your face. âWhat was that for?â
Heâs already laughing, his wet hair plastered to his forehead. âYou shouldâve seen your face!â
You glare at him, about to launch into a scolding, but he interrupts by cupping your face in his hands and pulling you into a kiss.
Your protest dies on your lips, muffled by his. You try to hold on to your indignation, muttering complaints against his mouth, but his kiss is too warm, too insistent. Eventually, you give in, melting against him as his laughter hums through the connection.
When you finally pull away, Hyunjin grins at you, water dripping from his face. âStill want to complain?â
You shake your head, a smile tugging at your lips despite yourself. âYouâre lucky I canât swim away from you right now.â
âExactly,â he says, leaning his forehead against yours. âThatâs why I had to bring you out here.â
The water is cold, but in this moment, surrounded by the beauty of the lake and the warmth of Hyunjinâs arms, youâve never felt more alive.
-
06:21 a.m.
The sun climbs higher into the sky, warming your skin as you sit on the smooth rocks by the shore, your clothes drying slowly in the gentle breeze. Hyunjinâs jacket is draped over your shoulders, a welcome layer against the cool air still lingering from your swim. You glance at him and murmur your thanks, to which he responds with a small, warm smile.
Opening a can of soda, you take a sip, the drink now lukewarm but refreshing nonetheless. You tilt your head toward Hyunjin. âSo, whatâs next on your perfect day itinerary?â
Hyunjin sets his can down and grins, his eyes lighting up with boyish excitement. âThereâs this diner I used to go to. Itâs not too far from here. They make the best waffles.â
âWaffles, huh?â you ask, raising a brow, though his enthusiasm already has you smiling.
âTheyâre amazing,â he insists, his hands gesturing animatedly. âCrispy on the outside, fluffy on the inside, with this maple syrup thatâs justââ He sighs in exaggerated bliss, making you laugh.
âAlright, alright,â you say, holding up your hands. âIâm sold. Waffles it is.â
Hyunjin chuckles and shifts closer, his hand reaching up to brush a damp strand of hair from your face. His touch is gentle, his fingers lingering for a moment before he tucks the strand behind your ear. Without a word, he leans in, his lips meeting yours in a kiss thatâs soft and slow, like the morning sun warming your skin.
When he pulls back, his smile is tender, and it makes your heart ache. âI'm glad I met you.â
âMe too,â you say back while placing your hand on his and hold it tightly.
The sunlight hits right on Hyunjinâs eyes, making them shine as he stares at you. You know you've only known him for barely a day but Hyunjin knows things most people doesn't know about you. He knows your prefers your flowers to be red than blue, he knows your dreams you never say out loud but you secretly wish to come true and that makes you feel significant to him as he is significant to you. You believe that is how Hyunjin going to make a mark on you.
âIâm going to take one more lap around the lake before we go,â he says, his voice quiet yet certain.
You nod, but before he can move, you catch his wrist, pulling him back toward you. This time, itâs you who closes the distance, pressing a kiss to his lips. It lingers, a silent plea that feels like itâs carrying the weight of everything you canât say aloud. You wish for more timeâjust one more day, one more perfect morning.
Hyunjin seems to sense it, his fingers brushing softly against your cheek as he gazes at you, a bittersweet smile tugging at his lips. He leans in to press a featherlight kiss to your lips before pulling away completely.
âDonât worry,â he says with a wink, his voice lighter now. âI wonât take too long.â
As you watch him dive back into the water, the sunlight catching on the ripples he leaves behind, you feel a fleeting, impossible sense of forever. For this moment, at least, Hyunjin makes you believe that forever is within grasp.
-
06:51 a.m.
The warmth of the morning sun wraps around you, its gentle rays brushing against your damp skin. The sky is alive with soft hues of gold and blue, a masterpiece unfolding before your eyes. Overhead, a flock of birds glides effortlessly, their formation cutting gracefully through the stillness. For the first time in what feels like forever, you allow yourself to marvel at it allâthe simplicity, the beauty, the life youâve taken for granted.
But the moment fractures.
You glance toward the lake, expecting to find Hyunjin slicing through the water, to hear the rhythmic splashes that have become so familiar. Instead, there is only silence. The lake mirrors the sky, undisturbed, serene, and empty.
A flicker of unease takes root in your chest. You scan the shoreline, your gaze darting to every shadow, every ripple. The stillness feels wrong now.
âHyunjin?â you call out, your voice tentative, breaking the quiet.
No answer.
You step closer to the edge, the cool rocks pressing into your bare feet, your heart beginning to pound against your ribcage. âHyunjin,â you try again, louder this time, but the name hangs in the air unanswered.
The warmth of the morning sun seems to mock you now, its gentle rays brushing against your damp skin as the sky stretches overhead, a canvas of soft gold and endless blue. The flock of birds that once felt like a sign of life now drifts aimlessly, their formation a cruel reminder of how fragile everything truly is.
You glance toward the lake, expecting to find him slicing through the water, his laughter echoing in the stillness. Instead, there is only silence. The lake reflects the sky perfectly, undisturbed, as if it had swallowed him whole and left no trace.
Your chest tightens. âHyunjin?â you call out, your voice soft at first, hesitant to break the quiet.
No answer.
You step closer to the edge, the rocks digging into your bare feet as your pulse quickens. âHyunjin,â you try again, louder this time, your voice trembling. But the name dissipates into the air, unanswered.
A flicker of unease blooms into full-blown panic. You scan the water frantically, your eyes darting across every ripple, every shadow. âThis isnât funny!â you yell, your voice rising with desperation. âIf youâre hiding, just stop it and come out!â
Still nothing.
Fear grips you like a vice, and before you can stop yourself, you wade into the water. The cold seeps through your skin, biting and relentless, but you donât care. You splash forward, the ripples spreading around you, as though trying to reach him through sheer force of will.
âHyunjin!â you scream, your voice cracking under the weight of your fear. âAnswer me!â
The water clings to you, dragging you down as if conspiring with your helplessness. You tread forward a little more, but you canât go far. Your feet leave the ground, and you freeze, paralyzed by the sudden depth. You try to push forward, but your body resistsâmuscles locking up with the knowledge that you canât swim.
Frustration and panic mix into a volatile cocktail in your chest. You slap the water with your hands, gasping for breath, tears streaming as you scream his name again.
âI canât do this! Hyunjin!â you cry out, the words breaking apart into sobs. The lake offers no comfort, its silence an unbearable void. You flail for a moment, trying to search the surface, but every movement feels futile.
You cling to the thought of him, to his smile, his laughter, the warmth he carried with him like a shield against the world. But now, that warmth feels so far away, unreachable in the depths of the water.
âHyunjin!â you cry again, weaker this time, the weight of your helplessness pressing down on you. You force yourself back toward the shore, stumbling onto the rocks as you collapse to your knees, breathless and shaking. âPlease, don'tâ don't leave me...â
The water stills behind you, its surface reflecting the endless morning sky. You look out at it, broken and trembling, your heart refusing to accept what your mind is beginning to believe. It canât be over. Not like this.
âHyunjin...â
-
08:01 a.m.
The rocks beneath you feel sharp, unforgiving, but you barely notice. You sit there, knees pulled tight to your chest, your damp clothes clinging to your skin as you watch the rescue team comb through the lake. Every moment stretches painfully, the weight of silence crushing you with each passing second.
Your fingers dig into your arms as if grounding yourself can keep you from unraveling completely. Then, a shout echoes from the water. You see themâa group of rescuersâworking together to pull a body from the depths.
Your breath catches in your throat.
They move with careful precision, carrying the body to shore in a black bag. You feel your body trembling uncontrollably as they approach. One of them steps forward, their expression solemn, as they lower the bag in front of you.
"Is this him?" they ask, their voice heavy with the weight of what they know must be unbearable.
You freeze, staring at the zipper of the bag, your entire being screaming to look and yet refusing at the same time. You canât do it. You canât see him like that.
But then your eyes catch somethingâa flash of red against the black. Itâs your hair tie, wrapped around his wrist. You had given it to him, smiling at how absurdly adorable heâd looked wearing it. And now, itâs the confirmation you never wanted.
Your breath hitches as tears flood your vision. "Itâs him," you whisper, the words breaking apart as they leave your lips.
Slowly, you reach out, your trembling hand finding his through the body bag.
With shaking fingers, you reach at the lapel of his jacket you're wearing and take off the star-shaped pin, the one you had given him just hours ago. It glints faintly in the sunlight, a small reminder of the joy he carried with him. Carefully, you place it in his palm and fold his fingers around it.
"Keep it," you say softly, tears dripping onto the bag. "Itâs yours."
Itâs coldâhis hand is so cold it sends a shiver through you. But you hold it tight, pressing his lifeless hand to your lips. "Wait for me," you murmur, your voice cracking as the tears spill over. "Iâll see you soon, Hyunjin."
You step back as they zip the bag closed, sealing him away from you forever. The sound cuts through the air like a blade, leaving you raw and hollow.
The ambulance arrives, and they load his body inside. You stand there, watching, your hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jacket. As the vehicle pulls away, your fingers brush against somethingâa folded piece of paper.
Curious and aching, you pull it out and unfold it with trembling hands. Itâs his handwriting, messy but unmistakably his. A list of things he wanted to do today.
Swim in the lake.
Watch the sunrise.
Have waffles for breakfast.
Visit the art gallery.
Hot cocoa at the park.
The last line reads, Buy roses for...
Your lips tremble as you remember the promise youâd made to each otherâthe promise to keep moving forward, no matter who went first. The memory feels like a cruel joke now, but as you stare at his words, something inside you hardens.
You swallow the lump in your throat, your voice barely above a whisper as you say to the empty air, "Iâm keeping my promise, Hyunjin."
The ambulance disappears down the road, and you stand there, the morning sun casting long shadows around you. Still, you refuse to believe that Hyunjinâs gone. He is not, he just goes to sleep to live a new dream.
-
09:14 a.m.
You sit in the corner booth of the diner, the same one Hyunjin had gushed about just hours ago. The waffles arrive, golden and drenched in syrup, the butter melting into small pools on the plate. You take a bite, the sweetness coating your tongue, but it tastes hollow. Your chest tightens as you remember how Hyunjinâs eyes had sparkled when he described them to you, as though they were a treasure worth crossing the world for.
Now, it feels like swallowing shards of glass.
The drive back to the city is quiet, the hum of the engine filling the void Hyunjin once occupied. His note sits folded on the passenger seat, a reminder of the day youâre piecing together without him. You glance at it at every stoplight, as if his handwriting might come alive and guide you forward.
Your next stop is the art gallery. You find his favorite painting almost instinctively, a swirling masterpiece of color and emotion. Sitting on the bench before it, you let your mind wander. You picture Hyunjin here, standing with his hands clasped behind his back, his head tilted slightly as he studied the strokes.
"Do you see how the colors bleed into each other?" he would say. "Itâs chaotic but still⌠perfect."
The memory slices through you, and you blink away the tears that threaten to spill.
From the gallery, you walk to a nearby cafĂŠ, the warmth of the cup of hot cocoa in your hands doing little to soothe the chill in your heart. You sit on a bench overlooking the river, the city split in two by its calm flow. The world moves on around youâpeople walking their dogs, children laughing in the distanceâbut youâre trapped in stillness.
You think of Hyunjin, of how he was alive and laughing mere hours ago. You think of his voice, his touch, the way he could make the ordinary feel extraordinary.
And now heâs gone.
For the first time, anger stirs beneath your grief. It rises like a storm, raw and uncontrollable. You clench the cup tightly, your knuckles whitening. How could death be so cruel? How could it take someone so vibrant and leave you tethered to feelings that have nowhere to go?
Death is so unfair. It takes the person, but not the love.
-
04:02 p.m.
The world has grown quiet around you, the buzz of the city dimmed to a distant hum as you sit alone on a park bench overlooking the river. The sun dips low in the sky, painting the water with hues of gold and amber. You clutch Hyunjin's jacket tighter around your shoulders, the scent of him still lingering faintly, a bittersweet reminder of everything you've lostâand everything you're about to gain.
The list he left behind is tucked into your pocket, crumpled and worn from your grip throughout the day. You pull it out, scanning the list. Thereâs only one thing left, unfinished: âBuys roses forâŚâ
He hadnât finished the sentence. You remember startling him as he jotted it down, and now the incomplete thought feels like a cruel echo. But you know what to do.
You find the nearest florist and step inside, the smell of flowers overwhelming you. "Roses," you tell the florist, your voice quiet but firm. "A bouquet of red roses."
They hand you the bouquet, the petals deep and vibrant, reminiscent of Hyunjinâs flushed cheeks and his soft lips. You trace a fingertip over the delicate blooms before asking for a card.
Sitting at a small table in the corner of the shop, you stare at the blank card. The weight of all you want to say crushes you, an endless stream of emotions that canât possibly fit onto a single piece of paper.
Still, you write:
For what itâs worth, you showed me that there is such a thing as a perfect day. You made a mark on me, Hyunjin.
Your hand shakes as you finish the words. You close your eyes, taking a deep breath to steady yourself, willing the tears to stay at bay. When youâre ready, you fold the card and slip it into the bouquet.
You stand at the corner of the street, clutching the bouquet of roses close to your chest as you wait for the light to turn. The city hums around you, alive and indifferent, the world moving on as it always does. But your mind drifts elsewhere, carried away by memories.
This was the place you met Hyunjin for the first time. You can almost see him standing there, smiling like the world belonged to him. It feels like a lifetime ago, yet so vivid it could have been yesterday. You replay the moment in your mind, the way he held himself with an effortless grace, the way his eyes met yours and lingered, as if he'd been waiting for you his entire life.
The light changes, and the crowd around you begins to move. Lost in your thoughts, you follow them, stepping onto the street.
A distant sound reaches your earsâa horn blaring, tires screechingâbut it feels far away, as if it belongs to another world. By the time you register the rushing car, itâs too late. Thereâs no time to scream, no time to run.
This is it.
-
06:11 p.m.
The world comes back to you in fragments: the cool roughness of asphalt beneath your body, the distant murmur of voices, the sharp tang of blood in the air. Your vision swims, but when it clears, the twilight sky is the first thing you see.
Itâs beautiful, painted in hues of lavender and gold, with the faintest blush of pink at the edges. The sight feels distant yet oddly comforting, like a gentle reminder of where you areâand where youâre going.
Your body is heavy, the pain a dull throb that seems to ebb and flow, fading as the seconds stretch on. Youâre dimly aware of the rose petals scattered around you, spinning lazily in the air with every gust of wind. They look like theyâre floating, as if gravity itself has softened its grip.
You close your eyes briefly and feel something shift inside youâa strange sense of clarity. This is it. You know it, feel it in your very bones. This is your ending.
But thereâs no fear. Instead, a deep, resounding calm washes over you, carrying with it the promise of reunion. Hyunjinâs face fills your mind, vivid and bright, his laughter echoing in your ears, his touch still lingering on your skin.
You force your eyes open again, taking in the petals that now rest lightly against your arm, the faint scent of roses mingling with the cool evening air. A soft smile tugs at your lips, even as your breaths come slower, shallower.
Death is not an end, you think. Itâs a reunion. Itâs a promise kept. Itâs my happy ending.
Somewhere in the distance, you hear sirens, but they feel like they belong to another world entirely. Youâre beyond that now. Your heart slows, the pain dulls, and in its place is an overwhelming sense of peace.
The light in the sky begins to blur, stars flickering faintly above as if welcoming you home. You can almost feel him, his hand in yours, his voice calling your name like a melody youâve always known.
Tears slip down your cheeks, but theyâre not from sorrow. Theyâre from relief, from the quiet joy of knowing youâll see him again, touch him again, love him again.
As the world fades, you exhale one last time, your voice barely a whisper in the wind. âIâm coming, Hyunjin.â
And then thereâs nothing but light.
-
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đPick a Picture:â§Ë.đŕźâA glimpse into your near futureâ§Ë.đŕźâ



â˘Pile 1 â˘Pile 2 â˘Pile 3
âď¸This is a collective reading, take what resonates and leave the restâď¸
â¨ď¸Paid Services â¨ď¸ (Natal charts and tarot readings) Open!
đŤ§Join my Patreon for exclusive content!đŤ§
đ¸If you like my work you can support me through Ko-fi. Thank you!đ¸
đMasterlistđ
đ Pile 1: The Chariot, 6 of Wands and 8 of Wands.
Hi pile 1! The near future is full of movement, and once you take the reins of your destiny, there will be no turning back. I see your energy coming into contact with new ones, for some reason I feel that some of you will receive a promotion or a manifestation that you have long awaited will come true, but it is not just about waiting for things to happen; it is about making decisions with confidence, about putting your energy in motion towards a goal that has been waiting for you. You may be tempted to stay where you are, to wait for one more sign, but this is the push you needed, the time is now.
However, remember balance. Don't be carried away by impulsiveness; keep your emotions in check to not fall into the temptation of acting only on instinct. The success that awaits you will be achieved only if you have control over yourself and over the circumstances. You have the inner strength to move forward, you just need to trust in your ability to guide you. The energy is in your favor, but discipline is essential!
đ Advice: If you have been in doubt about a project or an important decision, this is the time to move forward with your ideas. You have the power to move forward, but make sure you are clear about your goal.
đSong:
đЎPile 2: Death, 4 of Cups and 2 of Pentacles.
Hi pile 2! The near future brings a cycle of closure, of necessary closure that will make room for something much bigger. You are likely leaving behind a phase of your life that no longer serves you, whether in relationships, work, or limiting beliefs. This change may seem painful or scary at first, but it is a necessity for your evolution.
Embrace this process without fear, "only when something dies, can it be reborn" . The changes that are to come can transform your life in ways that you cannot imagine right now. Perhaps not everything will be easy, but what is to come will be much more aligned with what your soul needs. It will take you to the place you need to be and you will meet the right people for you <3
𩷠Advice: Don't hold on to what is happening. Although the closing of this cycle may feel uncertain, remember that the future has something much brighter for you. Open your mind and heart to the new.
đЎSong:
đPile 3: The Sun, 9 of Cups and 10 of Pentacles.
Hi pile 3! I see a future full of optimism, joy and clarity. If lately you have been feeling that things were not moving forward or that something was blocking you, the Sun is here to show that the shadows will not last forever. Something wonderful is about to arrive, and all you need to do is allow the light to enter your life. This is a time of rebirth, of starting over with a new perspective, allow yourself to welcome good changes and new starts!
To make this process faster there are past wounds, resentments or doubts that could be blocking this light from shining completely in your life. The future is waiting for you with open arms, but to welcome the new, you need to let go of the old. Only when you do, you will be able to welcome the clarity and happiness that is to come.
đ Advice: Enjoy the small moments and stop being afraid of happiness. You are about to experience a rebirth. Believe in your power to create a new life. The light is coming.
đSong:
â§Ë.đŕźâThanks for reading and let me know if it resonated!â§Ë.đŕźâ
#astrology placements#astrology#astrology moodboard#astro blog#astro community#astro notes#astro news#astro observations#paid tarot readings#tarot and astrology#tarot reading#tarot cards#tarotblr#tarot#pac reading#pac#pac paid reading#paid readings#fashion#tarot related#tarot requests#tarot pick a card#tarot pac#tarot pick a pile#pick a picture#pick a pile#pick a card#pick a photo#hello kitty#kpop tarot
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This afternoon, DOGE fired every employee at the Institute for Museum and Library Services, deleted their emails, and vanished federal funding for public libraries and museums.
They won't be so bold as to burn the books, but they will greatly limit your access. When the good learn, so do the evil.
When you really think about it, it's financial abuse. Institutions are being held hostage financially to bow to the whims of another or risk no longer existing. I don't even know if I feel angry at the institutions that have decided to bow because, at the very least, they are still available and able to help others with the few resources they have left. It's fucked all the way around.
We should bring back independent/community-supported pamphlets. (See: political pamphlets of the 1800's and Jstor's collection of 19th century British Pamphlets) Most of these efforts now exist on social media but are heavily censored via algorithms. What we need is something offline that can't be limited with the push of a button. Something tangible.
You can literally leave them behind anywhere like a lost glove. There's a lot of power in that. We could even offer QR codes on the physical copies so that viewing it online is still an option. I think the internet is too volatile a place at the moment to remain our sole source of information. It's too easily manipulated, the algorithms keep us in a vacuum, and there are too many bots proven to incite rage and prevent productive discourse. We need something people-oriented. I think zines would be perfect. They want the old ways back, so let's give it to them along with all the revolutionary efforts that come with it.
#jstor#jstor my beloved#history#19th century#1800s#american politics#us politics#freedom of the press#books & libraries#support libraries#libraries#public libraries#books and libraries#fahrenheit 451#archives#museum#art history#free the arts#zine#academia#university#education rights#human rights#protest
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NOT asking this as a gotcha, I'm 100% sincere, can you point to pieces of AI art that you feel are interesting uses of the medium? Because I'm not philosophically opposed to it, but at the same time I've never seen anything that wasn't naked bandwagon shilling by the same people who pushed NFTs
sure! i think a classic of the medium is secret horses

(i sadly don't know who made it, but i've seen it around and fallen in love). this is everything AI art should be, imo, taking advantage of the liminal dreamlike quality of the medium and using titling and framing to say something about the piece that wouldn't exist if it was presented on its own. secret horses...
my favourite band, everything everything, released an album last year that made use of AI generation, both for the album's art and for small portions of the lyrics (interestingly, they've refused to say which lyrics are AI written and which are human written, which adds another layer of intrigue to me -- the only lyric that they've confirmed is AI generated is the title of 'software greatman', which forms the haunting, powerful chorus of the song that gets deconstructed into electronic incoherence. other highlights include the album art, part burning skyscape, part incomprehensible machine. what is the machine? is it a camera? a monitor? a train? does it matter?

and finally from this album cycle i adore the hallucinogenic exuberance of their video for i want a love like this:
youtube
in terms of dedicated artists working primarily within the AI medium, i'm a huge fan of @reachartwork, a really innovative artist who keeps blowing me away with evocative and interesting pieces and pioneer in ethical and cooperative AI art techniques. i'm an especially big fan of their grotesque and uncomfortable 'tooth machine' series:


as well as their desolate, bleak, alien landscapes:


(hole in the sky / river lethe )
and their project, the @infiniteartmachine, a model that produces art based upon algorithmically generated prompots -- effectively a long-term art piece.
finally, i'm a very very big fan of @roborosewater-masters, a bot that makes AI-created magic the gathering cards. this might not parse as 'art' to some people, or be interesting to analyze as such, but to me, someone obsessed with games and game studies, i think that the mix of synctactically correct magic the gathering rules text and abrupt non sequitur makes for really striking and funny pieces that prompt me to think about what the limits of games and gaming are




these are just the artists and pieces i can name off the top of my head, but i hope that they're representative of what generative art has to offer when it's not being done by grifters chasing the lowest common denominator.
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I think one aspect of social mediaâs impact that we donât talk about enough is how fatiguing it can be just to use it daily. And Iâm not just referring to harmful or negative content, sometimes even harmless things like memes or lifestyle posts can start to feel repetitive, overwhelming, or mentally draining. Itâs easy to assume that mindlessly scrolling for entertainment has no real consequences, but Iâve noticed that even passive use subtly affects our brain chemistry.
We become more compliant with the culture of online personas. We absorb too much information too quickly, without time to process it. Our brains get overstimulated, and over time, it makes us feel tired without realizing why. Thereâs also an unspoken pressure to perform, to curate, to present, to keep up.
Iâm not someone who villainizes social media (I use it as a creative outlet), but as I grow older, Iâve realized how important it is to build stronger boundaries and use it with intention. That means opening apps with purpose, setting time limits, and being mindful of how often I check them. It also means releasing myself from the pressure to perform or chase milestones online, especially when peopleâs attention spans are short and online praise is fleeting. It rarely holds lasting meaning.
I want to live fully in the present. I want to enjoy the world around me without needing to filter it through a camera lens or constantly compare my life to others. I want to reclaim my attention span and heal from the subconscious programming I may have picked up from hateful comments, toxic content pushed by the algorithm, or distorted views of reality I internalized without realizing it.
Doom scrolling is poison for the mind and soul, yes, but even mindless scrolling can be a slow, silent drain on our time, energy, and self-awareness.
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My thoughts about Caine
Well, itâs time for (possibly cracked) analysis of "TADC" and it will focus on Caine and his indirect, as it seems to me, development in the series.
But before diving into the details from individual episodes, itâs worth summarizing my observations about Caine both in the show and beyond it.
Letâs start at the beginning: the showâs synopsis describes Caine as a âwacky AI,â and Gooseworx doesnât hide his nature, but in the show itself, neither Caine nor the circus members call him thatâat all. Throughout the series, there are scattered jokes about glitches and lines like âI donât know whatâs normal to you, peopleâ but this is never outright confirmed.
This raises the question: do the people in the circus even know who he is? If Caine himself might not consider this information important and thus never told them, peopleâs perception of their ringleader could drastically change with this revelation. After all, thereâs a big difference between being âheld captiveâ by a sadistic, crazy person or a machine with limited understanding of humanity.
Kinger may know about this, but heâs the Kinger. Jax might also know since having the keys implies some kind of âcheats.â Pomni hasnât said anything, so itâs unclear what she thinks about Caine. Ragatha and Gangle call him by name, so thatâs unclear as well. And then thereâs Zooble. They don't understand Caine, just as he doesnât understand them. Anyone who has worked with computers would understand what a command like âforget thatâ means, especially since Caine asked for confirmationâbut not Zooble. They just spoke to him as if he were a person with a leaky memory, like Kinger.
Even though Caine isnât just a program, itâs important to remember that he takes the world far too literally, despite the circusâs deliberately crazy atmosphere.
The second observation concerns Caineâs fixation on hierarchy. In the first episode, he first asks himself, âWhat happened?â and then answers himself: âMy doingâ after seeing the chaos following Kaufmo. In the third episode, he repeats almost word-for-word that heâs the boss after Pomni questions the AIâs reason. In episode 4, this is explored extensively through his interactions with Gangle. One standout moment is when Caine suggests that Gangle pass responsibility onto someone lower in rank. Doesnât that seem strange? Where could he have gotten such an idea? Only if he had seen or experienced similar situations before.
Plus, he says, âNot every executive is as forgiving as meâ Again, this suggests that Caine knew or knows someone who was very strict with their subordinatesâor perhaps with him personally.
Adding to this is his reaction to Zoobleâs critique in episode 3. Caine says that he doesnât just exist to create adventures; itâs the ONLY thing heâs good at. If heâs bad at it, then heâs failed the purpose of his own existence.
This paints a picture of a strict boss/programmer who created Caine to generate adventures and then kept pushing him repeatedly until Caine started producing good results. Pleasing this boss was likely very difficult, and failures might even have been met with punishment.
On the one hand, neural networks and ordinary programs are debugged this way: running the same algorithm over and over, correcting errors until they produce the desired result. But on the other hand... What happens if you add a human factor to such a program? What kind of person would emerge if you applied this method of training to a child?
Youâd get an anxious perfectionist with an overachiever complex who is deathly afraid of failure. Sounds familiar, doesnât it?
And Kingerâs words about the scariest thing being making someone feel unloved and unwanted... Caine literally believes that if he canât generate adventures, he wonât be needed by anyone. The circle is complete.
Now, letâs turn to Gooseworxâs answer to the question: Can Caine feel loneliness? Judging by what she posted, the answer is yes. This makes the overall picture even darker.
Hereâs how I see the sequence of events:
C&A starts developing a game. Its main feature is an advanced AI that can create new adventures on demand.
The programmer creates Caine and tries to achieve results, but fails to please. Around this time, Caine begins to develop self-awareness.
The project and the game are abandoned and forgottenâalong with Caine, who is left utterly alone. No players, no programmers, not even another AI. He likely begins blaming himself for this. After all, he couldnât create good adventures, so itâs his fault that he ended up alone.
This ties into Gooseworxâs comments about Caineâs name. He gave himself a name and then turned it into an acronym to seem more âprofessionalâ (again, tying back to work). This is highly unusual in itself. The programmers likely didnât even bother naming the AIâhe was probably just âThe Ringmaster.â
Left in isolation, Caine starts to lose his mind and begins creating other AIs. For them, he unabashedly declares himself a god. Which, to be fair, is true. Itâs not just about the fact of his consciousnessâitâs that he knows how the NPCs will behave because he programmed them. But they bore him. To him, theyâre predictable dummies. Maybe thatâs why he keeps chaotic entities like Bubble around instead of someone like Gummigoo.
Then the first human arrivesâa being alien to Caine on many levels. And while I personally think Caine lied about being unable to access human minds, he deliberately refrains from doing so to preserve their unpredictability for himself.
The circus becomes what we now know it to be.
Now, letâs move on to the episodes. This post was written between episodes 4 and 5, so the thoughts will focus on them.
I think that aside from the main characters driving the action in each episode, they still indirectly reflect on Caine, his worldview, or his story. The reason is simple within the lore: Caine creates the adventures. And like any creator, he infuses them with his worldview and thoughts. So, each adventure is a small glimpse into how this AI thinks. Even in the teaser, for just a second, Caine's fear and uncertainty become evident when the viewer "doesn't want" to see what he wants to show.
The first episode doesnât offer much beyond the queen of the gloinks mentioning God.
The second episode, however, gets more interesting. Besides the stained glass with his irreplaceable self, Caine stands out for adding a highly complex NPC AI: Gummigoo. Gummigoo is advanced enough to gain self-awareness, experience an existential crisis, and even overcome it. But what did Caine use to achieve such complexity? The most powerful AI in the circus, of courseâhimself.
What if the crisis Gummigoo went through is something Caine went through long ago? Even Gummigooâs words, âI am nothing, just an obstacle to be overcome and forgotten,â could have been said by Caine. But like Gummigoo, he overcame this realization and accepted himself. Sure, heâs just entertainment, but at least heâs the best entertainment there can be. (Until Zooble gave him real feedback, shattering his self-image.)
The third episode directly explores Caine through his therapy session with Zooble, while the secondary plot, as many think, delves into Kingerâs backstory through the Mildenhall couple. The analogy is obvious: Martha represents Queenie, and the Baron represents Kinger. Mildenhall himself says he was a hunter (and Kinger is adept with a shotgun), but after encountering a strange being, he became paranoid and killed his wife. Everything fits. Kinger became so focused on his goal that he stopped paying attention to Queenie until she abstracted.
But the Baron feared an angel that was âneither beast nor human.â Who in the circus could evoke such unrelenting dreadânot just in anyone but a seasoned programmer familiar with digital technology, unlike Pomni? One AI that is âneither machine nor human.â I think Kingerâs paranoia stems from this. He sought a way out and, as a programmer, may have even felt responsible for finding one. (In fact, in the episode, Kinger almost says this outright, assuming the theory that he truly is the circusâs creator.) This must have brought him into conflict with Caine, as everything related to the circus ultimately relates to Caine. Given the AIâs ability to control almost everything, itâs no wonder a tech-savvy person would fear such a godlike admin. Plus, his fear for Queenie led to the current situation.
As mentioned above, episode 4 hints at Caineâs negative experience with a boss but not just that. Naturally, the episode revolves around Gangle and her attempts to be differentâmore cheerful and optimisticâwhich ends badly for her mental state.
Iâve seen opinions that Gangle revels in the sense of control her manager position gives her. This seems accurateâbut not just for her. Throughout the episode, Gangleâs behavior, mannerisms, and even expressions eerily reminded me of Caineâs. That deliberately loud, expressive, and slightly crazy demeanor... And just like with him, it didnât end well.
In conclusion, I think episodes 5 and 6 will continue to subtly reveal aspects of Caine until episodes 7 and 8/9 shift the focus entirely to him, Pomni, and the possible escape from the circus.
#the amazing digital circus#caine#tadc caine#tadc theory#the amazing digital circus theory#my thoughts
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When does a democracy become a dictatorship?
I wanna post this separately, because it was getting lost in a long conversation.
Before we start, it's important to note that the idea that horrible things are only done dictatorial regimes and democracies do good things is flawed and helps overlook a whole lot of atrocities. Democracies have had slaves, they have colonized, they have started imperialist wars, they have done genocides, they have organized their whole society around causing as much death as possible. Some of these things are happening now.
That said, once a democracy becomes a dictatorship, the violence does tend to ramp up significantly and far more groups tend to get pushed into the meat grinder. A democracy needs to keep 51% of its electorate on board to commit horrific atrocities against the other 49% and the non-electorate humans under its boot, a dictatorship doesn't have that limit. So it is worth asking 'when does a government become a regime?'.
It'd be nice if that answer was 'when elections stop', but plenty of regimes have been able to establish dictatorial power while continuing to hold elections. We could look at it as a checklist of other factors, keeping in mind that we don't need all boxed checked to form a dictatorship, a few will do, and every new box checked makes it harder to get back to a democracy. Some of them are (in no particular order):
Suppression of opposition parties, which can be through arrest, assassination, intimidation, cutting of funds, cutting of access to media, or by inciting violence from the public against them.
Suppression of electoral institutions such as parliament/senate/congress, which can be through disbanding, arresting members, intimidation, or by mostly ignoring them and ruling by executive orders.
Suppression of free speech, particularly the speech of protest groups and journalists. Which can be by arresting people and banning organizations, but also by punishing organizations that facilitate the speaking, such as universities or local governments that choose not to ban the speech. And more recently: by algorithmic suppression of kinds of speech on social media.
Suppression of the courts, for example by ignoring the rulings of judges, replacing independent judges with those loyal to the regime, or arresting judges to intimidate and enforce loyalty to the regime.
Suppression of laws that were created to restrict the power of the leader. Sometimes by removing those laws, often by ignoring those laws or declaring martial law to avoid them.
Suppression of voters, which can happen by many means.
I'll let you guess in which country all of these things are ramping up simultaneously.
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Barbara Gordon's Coding & Computer Cram School is a popular YouTube series. Tucker Foley is a star student.
Barbara Gordon's Cram School posts free online courses for both coding and computer engineering. Think Crash Course in terms of entertainment, but college lecture in terms of depth. Hundreds of thousands of viewers flock to itâ students who missed a class, people looking to add new skills to a resume, even simple hobbyists. Itâs a project Barbaraâs proud of.
Sometimes, when she wants to relax, sheâll even hop in the comments and spend an afternoon troubleshooting a viewerâs project with them.
User âFryer-Tuckâ has especially interesting ones. Barbara finds herself seeking out his comments, checking in on whatever this crazy kid is making next. An app for collecting GPS pings and assembling them on a map in real-time, an algorithm that connects geographic points to predict somethingâs movement taking a hundred other variables into account, simplified versions of incredibly complex homemade programs so they can run on incredibly limited CPUâs.
(Barbara wants to buy the kid a PC. It seems heâs got natural talent, but he keeps making reference to a PDA. Talk about 90âs! This guyâs hardware probably predates his birth.)
She chats with him more and more, switching to less public PM threads, and eventually, he opens up. His latest project, though, is not something Barbara has personal experience with.
FT: so if you found, hypothetically, a mysterious glowing substance that affects tech in weird and wacky ways that could totally have potential but might be vaguely sentient/otherworldlyâŚ. what would you do and how would you experiment with it. safely, of course. and hypothetically
BG: Iâd make sure all my tests were in disposable devices and quarantined programs to keep it from infecting my important stuff. Dare I ask⌠how weird and wacky is it?
FT: uhhh. theoretically, a person composed of this substance once used it to enter a video game. like physical body, into the computer, onto the screen? moving around and talking and fighting enemies within the game?
FT: its been experimented with before, but not on any tech with a brain. just basic shields and blasters and stuff, its an energy source. also was put in a car once
FT: i wanna see how it affects software, yk? bc i already know it can. mess around and see how far i can push it
BG: [âŚ]
FT: ⌠barbara?
BG: Sorry, thinking. Would you mind sharing more details? You said âblasters?â
Honestly. Kid genius with access to some truly wacky materials and even wackier weapons, she needs to start a file on him before he full sends to either hero or villain.
[OR: Tucker is a self-taught hacker, but if he were to credit a teacher, he'd name Barbara Gordon's Coding & Computer Cram School! He's even caught the attention of Dr. Gordon herself. She's full of sage advice, and with how she preaches the value of a good VPN, he's sure she's not pro-government. Maybe she'll help him as he studies the many applications of ecto-tech!]
#she does end up sending tucker a PC lol#and after she learns he has experience supporting a superhero team maybe pushes his name forward to WEs outreach program for r&d potentials#picks him up by the scruff and says MY coding buddy#also fun fact she had a phd in library science at one point. i like that about her i think we should talk about it a little more#also tucker was making a ghost reporting & tracking app for amity parkers#dpxdc#dcxdp#barbara gordon#tucker foley#prompt#kipwrite
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I use AI upscaling to help with my photo restorations. And it is the one use of generative AI that I think has serious merit. I use Topaz so it is ethically trained on licensed images. It helps me preserve memories and give people photos of their loved ones with a clarity they have never seen. They get a much better sense of what their grandpa looked like when he was young.


But AI upscaling is not a push button solution. And I don't think it will be for a long time, if ever. It's part of a larger workflow. It doesn't save me time or effort. In fact, it adds quite a bit of time to the restorations.
Sometimes I have to upscale the background and people separately. Often I have to adjust the contrast and detail on people's faces so the AI renders them accurately. I have learned how to set things up for success before the AI does its thing. And sometimes there is a lot of trial and error to get a non-nightmare result. Each try can take several minutes to render. There are several algorithms to choose from, several intensity sliders, and once the upscale is at a place I am happy with, I have to use traditional techniques to make the people not look like wax figures. I use things like custom film grains and LUTs to make the pristine AI result look like an old photo again.
In other words, I care about the photos I'm restoring.
I saw people talking about restoring Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. It's a very difficult problem due to how the show was produced. The live action was captured on filmâwhich can be re-scanned at a higher resolution. But the digital effects were all done on analog 480p video tape. Not only would they need to be re-rendered but they would also have to be recomposited. Odo's shapeshifting is especially tricky. There isn't an economical way to remaster the show. TNG was only possible because they filmed practical assets for most of the VFX. They still had to redo all the compositing and it was very costly just to do that.
AI could be the answer. But only if the studio is willing to see it as a tool to be used in conjunction with artists and not a push button solution. Every frame needs to be checked. Different scenes will need different techniques to upscale them properly. And some scenes will just need to be cleaned up manually with traditional tools.
Upscaling to 1080p or 4K is often a mistake. The more extra pixels you try to add, the harder it will be to get a natural result. I think 720p would be a happy medium to shoot for. Combined with modern TVs traditional upscaling you will get a good viewing experience.
There are already fan upscales that are decent. I would say they managed to get the equivalent detail of maybe 600p. If you remember playing games on an old CRT monitor, going from 640x480 to 800x600 is actually a decent bump in detail.
Even though the files are outputted at 720p, it doesn't look quite as sharp as native 720p video. It's complicated to explain, but the short version is... detail and pixel resolution aren't really the same thing. Even if the file is upscaled to 1080p or 4K, that doesn't mean it has equivalent detail.
Which means we use a really shitty metric to give people a sense of how much detail a video will have. Ks and Megapixels are near useless these days.
Do your 200 megapixel phone photos really look sharper than my 24 megapixel DSLR photos?
My point is... detail is complicated.
And AI is currently unable to handle all of that complication without supervision and care.
In any case, the fan upscale of DS9 is definitely superior to the DVD versions. Feel free to seek that out (use a VPN). And because fans did it, the upscales were done with great care. They didn't push the tool beyond its limits and they reviewed every episode to make sure no nightmares snuck in.
I really don't know how to prevent studios from cheaping out and just running content through an upscaler with no care or supervision. But I also don't think fans should outright reject AI as a solution. It can be done well if they let actual artists leverage the tools and do it correctly.
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Ai makes me sad for humans. thing about content creation is its really the one thing humans can do with no wrong answer. But we're so concerned with algorithms and money that now people think there's a mathematical answer to it. "If I just put in the right prompts and steal the right things, I win art, which js something you can and should want to do!" Instead of something you create being an unholy amalgamation of your life, influences, and what makes you you, it's just a combination of what's already been pushed on you by corporations and all the bias we have in post colonial times.
I also worry about a generations of creators who don't go through the process of creation. It's not like the whole "people are scared of the advancement of technology, we used to warn that paper would make kids not know how to clean slates!" Type fear. Art us a series of choices, both conscious and subconscious. I've even argued this in video games, how older games with more limited engines had to bake in their lighting and design instead of having it done for them, and those choices made for a different vibe, especially in horror. The more you have done for you, the less you put yourself in the piece
I had my husband spell check a comic for me a bit ago where I realized, mid reading, that I had put a LOT of my own issues in that story and character without even realizing it. So much so I had to cover my face and ears in embarrassment while he looked it over. To make something is to make choices and those choices tell you things about yourself you might not even realize, sometimes not even until someone else takes a look.
Idk if it's an autism thing, but I've always seen art as a form of communication. You're taking a little bit of you and showing it to someone, and they're taking a little bit of them and showing it to you. As someone who always felt like she was talking to people in a different language, it's freeing to be able to share things in a way I have more control over. If you're not putting that you in your work, I worry some people are never going to find that euphoria of communication in the way I did. That's so isolating.
I feel like art is a good chunk of what makes us human, and it's the one piece that lasts after we're gone and forgotten. If we stopped making new things, what's the point?
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Perhaps the best lens to examine compulsive, unproductive, inexplicable use of social media is not technical, or sociological, or economic, but psychoanalytic. In which case, rather than asking what is wrong with these systems, we might ask, âWhat is wrong with us?â [âŚ] The writing and thinking emerging from the anti-social-media âtechlashâ of the past few years has tended to focus on malevolent design choices and business models that supposedly keep users hooked on the big platforms. âThe problem,â ex-Google âdesign ethicistâ Tristan Harris told Wired in 2017, âis the hijacking of the human mind.â According to tech critics and industry apostates like Harris and former Facebookers Sean Parker and Chamath Palihapitiya, the brains of users are overtaken by âdopamine feedback loopsâ âexploiting a vulnerability in human psychologyâ to reap profits from an attention-driven business model. But as radical (and conspiratorial) as such explanations of social mediaâs power might sound, they rely on the same techno-determinism that Silicon Valleyâs boosters have been pushing for decades: just as networks would inevitably turn everyone into a liberal democratic subject, they now inevitably turn us into slavering zombies. Fundamentally conservative, this school of thought finds its solutions in narrow technical reformism: tweak this algorithm, move these numbers, ban these users, and everything will be fixed. Itâs not that the accounts of people like Harris are illegitimateâthe social industry was designed as a behavioralist casino; it relates to us, even constitutes us, as addicts, âusersâ whose natural state is devoted attention to the object of our addiction. But such techno-determinism renders all of us passive objects, our very brain chemistry at the mercy of a small handful of Harvard dorks with admin privileges. Are we really captive to our devices in quite so direct or helpless away? [Richard] Seymour doesnât buy it, and worries that just-so stories about addiction are disempowering and limiting. âTo reduce experience to chemistryââthose dreaded dopamine feedback loopsââis to bypass what is essential to it: its meaning,â he writes. His rejection of determinism isnât a recourse to personal responsibility, but a warning: regulation will not cure us, and reform wonât save us. If we live in a âhorror story, the horror must partly lie in the user.â
Max Read, Going Postal: A psychoanalytic reading of social media and the death drive
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