#ranging from cant bring myself to talk about my interests ever to looking at someone literally like this😍 always but neverever admitting it

[loserfrankenstein]

my heart is so so full of love and im so so scared of expressing it. like in general. 👍

[alreadyblondenow]

One is a big number | Lee Taeyong

❤︎ Taeyong x female!reader ❤︎ Very fluffy, Smut, Smut, Tiny bit of angst, Highschool AU, Strangers to lovers, Love Alarm universe, Love Alarm au? ❤︎ 1/4 for LOVE MONTH SERIES: Boys Don’t Cry  One is a big number | You and your words | Sweet | He loves me, he loves me not |

Summary: Under the universe of Love Alarm, you rang Lee Taeyong’s Love Alarm loud and proud and you as a new girl at the school, has his attention more than anything else. 

Word count: 7,682k

Warnings: Protected sex, loss of virginity, touching, teasing, making out, corruption, goodbye innocence, mentions of first base to home run, taeyong having a boner while kissing, all that high school exploring in bed while Taeyong’s parents are not home, Trusting an app regarding love, swearing, mentions of alcohol, mentions of other idols

A/N: PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. This will be very fluffy because I wanted to start February on a light note. hehe. Also, this is inspired by First Love by NCT 127 under Loveholic’s single. It’s a good thing that I finished this before they announced that First Love is all about your first... love... hahaha so I had time to incorporate in more with my fic. As always, I enjoy writing for my Bubu. Happy reading! 

For NCT-WRITER’S FEBRUARY EVENT, LOVE ALARM @nct-writers​ 

Can you still remember your first love? The day you met and the day you realized you officially like that person? 

When that one person hold your hand for the first time? Did he kept you close and kept you warm? 

When that one person kissed you for the first time? How did it feel?

When you had your first fight, how did you fixed it? 

Do you remember the time when you realized that, that one person is slowly slipping into your hands?

When that one specific person broke your heart? 

Do you remember it?

It’s been over four years since Love Alarm has been launched and they’ve been using it for almost everything. The world seemed to have progressed a lot now that we have Love Alarm in our phones but did it really made our lives easier? Especially when it comes to love? 

Walking to school on a beautiful day, your first day as a transferee... what could possibly go wrong? As you enter the school premises, you see students holding their phones like they’re waiting for something or someone. Perhaps they’re waiting for someone to ring their Love Alarm? Who knows? 

“He’s here!” A rather excited student exclaimed and brought out her phone and grabbed her friend. You being the only clueless student right now turned your back too to see the man they’ve been waiting for.

He was like a celebrity when he stepped on the first few steps upon the school’s entrance. Lee Taeyong, a senior. Very good looking, smart, athletic, and voted junior prom king. He literally looks like an angel walking in the middle of the school’s entrance together with his friends who look liked angels too. Their Love Alarm rang so much as they walk in front of the new and old students, making fun of each other and having a bet on whose Love Alarm will ring the most. 

You looked at him. You looked at his face like you don’t already know that it’s impolite to stare at someone, but you still did because Lee Taeyong is handsome. And you’re not immune to his charms. What a good way to start school, you thought. It’s only the first day but you feel like you’re going to have a blast as long as you see Lee Taeyong around. 

From there on Lee Taeyong has become your crush and your heart thumps so hard whenever you ring his Love Alarm every morning like the other girls. For you, there’s no shame in ringing his Love Alarm, you’re glad it does that. At least you’re being honest to him in silence and let the alert from Love Alarm do the talking. But even though you ring his Love Alarm again and again and again, you never wish for him to ring your Love Alarm back, no. He deserves someone perfect like him. 

Day by day and whenever you see him around, you look at him to feed your heart and eyes then look away again and ignore him as if you didn’t ring his Love Alarm loud and proud. It frustrates him you know, but in a good way. He now recognizes you as the new girl who rings his Love Alarm every day but seems to don’t care about him enough. In other words, you’re not like the other girls. 

You know that good feeling when you go to school and you’re looking forward to seeing your crush even just for a few seconds? That’s what Lee Taeyong feels for you. With just a couple of weeks of ringing his Love Alarm, you had the man thinking about you and wanting to know you. Sometimes he can’t understand Love Alarm. He is completely sure that he likes you already and he is very interested in you, but he can’t ring your alarm. 

Have you ever had that good feeling when your crush is around and you are free to look at him no matter how long you want and whenever he caught you staring you just avoid his eyes? It’s like playing chicken but you’re both enjoying the game, he smiles at you and brings up his phone as if he’s telling you ‘Thank you for ringing my Love Alarm again’ and you just smile at him, completely clueless that he’s starting to flirt. 

“Why don’t you just ring her Love Alarm back?” Doyoung asked. 

“Cant. For some twisted reason, I can’t ring her Love Alarm. That’s why I can’t make a move and can only flirt back, I want to trust Love Alarm” Taeyong says, eyes completely glued to you but you don’t know that because you’re busy reading.

“Maybe you don’t really like the girl?” Doyoung blurted out. Lee Taeyong didn’t really want to admit it with his friend but maybe he’s right.

“The Lee Taeyong flirts back now huh? And to a new girl? Interesting” Johnny swings his arm to his friend and ruffles his hair. Teasing him for flirting back at you because he saw Taeyong smiled in your direction. 

“Am I not allowed to flirt?” Taeyong snorted and turned off his Love Alarm when he saw the place getting crowded already. “It’s senior year, I need to change” he added. 

“So changing your relationship status is a good start? Hmm. Okay, I agree with you on that. But don’t waste your time if you're unsure,” Johnny explains. But Lee Taeyong doesn’t care, he looks at you as you gather your books thinking of many ways to start talking to you and secretly wishing he can ring your Love Alarm back. But for now, he just can’t. 

While you were studying at the library, you can’t help but remember how Lee Taeyong thanked you for ringing his alarm.... he fucking thanked you, that must be something? He isn’t thanking every single person who rings his alarm, just you. You smile at that thought which you think is crazy but a girl can dream. Then again you remember that you’re studying and shook your head for the nth time to stop yourself from thinking about your senior. 

When you finally focused on studying and finished tons of school work, you didn’t notice that it’s already dark outside and that going home alone would be scary but you have no choice. You walk and walk and walk until you finally reached that scary alleyway you’ve been trying to avoid but it’s your only way home. 

“Hey- don’t go there” 

A familiar voice warned you before you can even start walking, you turned around and wish that you were wrong but you weren’t. It is as if the world heard you thinking about Lee Taeyong and the universe made you meet in an unexpected way. “It’s dangerous there, where are your friends? Is that your way home?” He asked the question like you two were close and talking already, his face looked cold but funny how he makes you feel warm. 

“Yes, this is the only way. Usually, I go home when the sun is still up but I have to study” you explain. 

“I have no choice then. Let me walk you home, my conscience will not let me sleep if I just let you-“

“I can take care of myself, I can easily call my dad. If I refuse your offer, will you still think about me?” You don’t know where the sudden bravery came from but you’re glad you did it.

He was completely shy, blushing and keeping his head down. And that’s the push that Lee Taeyong needed. He held out his hand and introduced himself properly like a decent person would and you did the same. Both hands are shaking because of nervousness but that’s understandable you both thought. “This isn’t how I imagined meeting you officially-“ 

“So you do think about me?” You further tease the blushing man and finally admits the truth and said, “Yes. I do think about you. A lot” it was silent for a few seconds before he started again, “I wish I could ring your Love Alarm too, you make me nervous you know that? Whenever I’m in school I look forward to seeing you, even just for a few seconds” he came closer to you as you grip your bag tightly and the butterflies in your stomach won’t stop flapping their wings when Lee Taeyong put strands of hair behind your ear so he could see you clearly under the lamppost light. 

Either way, you still let him walk you home and cherish every second you could have with your crush. You feel like you’ve won something like you’re winning this nonexistent race with the other girls, you feel happy for yourself. He told you about his day, you told him yours, he made you laugh, you make him shy for no reason. And when you and Taeyong finally reached your house, you exchanged numbers. Now you can tell that you’re winning something. His attention and interest.

“I hope I can ring your Love Alarm,” he says again, looking at you like it’s going to be the last thing he’ll do. 

“That’s fine, ring mine when you’re ready. We can’t rush romance, even when Love Alarm is involved” you watch him let out a small laugh and you think he’s so handsome even when he’s cute. 

“Usually girls get offended when someone they like can’t ring their Love Alarm, but you... you don’t mind waiting” 

You didn’t want to end the moment yet but it’s getting pretty late and he needs to go home too, you told him to stop flirting and go home safe so he can flirt with you some other time. And for the last time, just to wrap this wonderful night, he tilts his head and smiled so sweetly to you and told you ‘good night’ 

That moment you had with Lee Taeyong felt like a pretty damn good song but just like every song, it needed to end. But you will never forget about it. 

After that momentous night with your crush, Lee Taeyong has become a whole entire playlist and a well written album wrapped into one. Every love song you listen to was suddenly all about him he and the man was head over heels to you. He was texting you nonstop even during class, calling you after school and will probably end later at night, and getting the tiniest chance to flirt with you in the morning before you both head to class and meet again by golden hour to walk home together.

Not long after a week of flirting and getting to know each other more, he finally rang your alarm in front of many students in school accidentally. Your eyes went big and Taeyong was as shocked as you are. It was like you have this 10-meter radius for yourselves only and you were both giggling when your Love Alarms went off together. It was a happy moment, definitely one for the books. “Finally” he whispers, standing close to you, not caring if a lot of people are watching. Let them watch, Lee Taeyong thought. So they know you belong to each other now and you have Love Alarm on your side. 

“Are you free this weekend?” He asks while walking you home. 

“Free, but I have to study. What do you have in mind?” you answered as calmly as you could because you have a hunch that he’s going to ask you on a date. 

“Well, now that I can finally ring your Love Alarm, I want to take you out on a proper date” you knew it, “movies?” 

“Sounds fun, as long as it’s scary” he nods and took his phone out of his pocket. 

“Can I ring your Love Alarm again?” He requests which you gladly gave in and opened the app. You two waited for a few seconds for Love Alarm to work its magic. 

Waiting

Waiting 

Waiting

Until the number ‘1’ appeared on your screens and says “Someone within 10-meter radius loves you”. Taeyong sighed in relief and swing his arms around you for a hug and a kiss on the forehead. “That scared me” he admitted. 

Unconsciously, he doesn’t know what his hug and kiss can do to you. While his heart calms as he hugs you, yours is beating so fast like you just ran a mile. There’s that winning feeling again. 

On your first date, he took you to the movies and as promised the movie was scary. It was so scary that he had enough opportunity to hold you close and hold your hand the whole time. The moment your fingers intertwined, you felt some kind of electricity flowing in your body and the movie house suddenly felt warm. “I know, I felt it too” he whispers and went back to watching the movie. 

The next few days with Taeyong was something you’ve never imagine that will happen in your high school life. He has become the epitome of new things and first times. 

He is the first guy to hold your hand in public. Swinging it high, up and down, holding it tight, and he even kisses it whenever he feels like it. Not a day goes by that he didn’t hold your hand or kept you close to him ever since you made it official through Love Alarm. 

He is the first guy to sweep you off your feet, through his sweet words and gentleman gestures. “Can I flirt with you later?” he asks, putting a bottle of juice in front of you before he goes to his next class. ‘Flirt with you’ simply means he wanted to spend time with you before he walks you home. 

Still in your school uniforms, Taeyong brought you somewhere quiet where the river is calm, and just looking at it makes you calm your nerves too. “The sun feels nice, let’s watch the sun go down,” he says lying comfortably on the ground and enjoying the warm grass underneath his body. 

“How’s your day?” you sat beside him and Taeyong was quick to cover your legs with his school coat. He grunted while covering your legs as he remembers how stressful being a senior is. 

“Was having a bad day, when I talked to you earlier. School has been kicking my butt” he says and lies again beside you. “How about you? How's being a new student so far?” 

“So far so good, I have a handsome senior who just made my high school life more interesting” 

He handsomely giggles in front of you, so close that your lips are just inches away. “You’re flirting,” he says. 

“You said you wanted to flirt with me?” you bite back. 

“Mmm-hmm. Can I flirt a little differently today?” he came even much closer to you but you didn’t pull away because you know exactly what he’s talking about. 

And just as you expected, he kissed you. Softly. Holding your chin as he moves his lips on yours while the sun goes down. Your eyes were shut and all you did the whole time your boyfriend was kissing you is return the kiss and savor the feeling of being kissed for the first time. 

When the kiss was over, he did not pull away immediately but looked at your lips for a few seconds as if he wanted to kiss it again but even more fiercely this time but he knew this is not the right time for that. So instead, he kissed your nose and your forehead and flashed a sweet smile at you. Something that you will never forget like the kiss you just shared a few seconds ago.   

After that day, kissing became an everyday habit to you and Taeyong and you both love it whenever you get the chance to share a kiss privately. Well, he does kiss you in public, but those are nothing compared to the ones you share inside his room after school and his parents are not yet home. Lee Taeyong’s lips are simply addicting but little did you know that your boyfriend is even more addicted to kissing you. 

“Just one more kiss” he pulls you close to him begging for another kiss before he watches you go inside your house. “One more please” he pouted like the baby that he is. 

You crashed your lips on him and feel both of his hands hold the sides of your head so you won’t pull away from him so easily. But when you do, he simply asks for another kiss and then another other, until you’re basically making out in front of your house. 

“Mmm” he moans like he’s not planning to stop kissing you soon. 

“Tae-“ you giggle and tried pushing away and finally, he stopped. Lips swollen, slightly panting with a…. hard cock. 

“Sorry about that. I- I have no control over that, I’m sorry” he apologizes and tries to hide his boner. You let out a small laugh and fixed his ruined hair with a few pat. 

“You don’t have to be shy, I’m your girlfriend. See you tomorrow, okay? Go home safe!” you slowly walk towards your house, waving your hand goodbye until you see him walk away. 

Just like any new couple, you and Taeyong crave for each other in many ways. After exploring enough with kissing and teasing each other whenever one of you gets too turned on, soon you talk about different levels of physical intimacy freely without being awkward. 

Given that Taeyong is more experienced than you are because you’re a virgin, he knew exactly what to do when it comes to expressing his physical needs to you and making sure that he doesn’t pressure you with anything. 

“So how do I know if what base are we on?” you asked innocently. 

“First base is kissing. Open mouthed kisses, tongue- basically, the things I already did to you or the things we did already” he explains, hands on your waist as you both lie on your sides facing each other. 

“I’m guessing we're way past first base then” you smirked and made him shy. 

“Yeah. Way past first base” he smirked back at you and hovers on top of you. “The second base is more on touching” he emphasized the word ‘touching’ and better explain it by moving his hand from your leg up until he reaches your inner thighs under your school skirt and run up a finger on your slit unexpectedly which made you curl in no time and curse at him. Not because you didn’t like it, but because it felt good and he immediately stopped the teasing. 

You glared at him as if you’re telling him through your eyes to touch you again, be he just snorted and kissed your cheeks. “Don’t hate me. I’m just waiting for the perfect timing” he explains and enjoys how you’re so annoyed but horny.

You let out a sharp sigh and made him continue again. “Third base is giving head or fingering. Oh, you’re going to love third base” he teased you further by just using his words. You pushed him away from you playfully but your boyfriend is strong and caught your hands, “okay okay. Enough teasing, home run is having sex. And come on I have to get you home before I could no longer stop myself” 

He’s not lying because you see the growing tent in his crotch. He’s been stopping himself by teasing you. You sat up when he got out of his bed to change into some much comfortable clothes but when he got back, you teased him by putting on a show. Lifting your skirt slowly just before you reveal your panties and as expected, he stopped you. 

“Don’t tease me, I don’t have a condom right now” it was a warning but it sounded more like he’s begging. 

“I’m just joking” you kissed him on the cheek and got up from your comfortable position to fix your wrinkled school uniform before you head home.   

Tonight, you attend a party with Taeyong for the first time and his Love Alarm kept on ringing the moment he stepped into the room. 

Every day, Lee Taeyong rings your Love Alarm and you ring his too.... together with the other girls and quite frankly, you don’t know how long you can stand those girls who fantasize about fucking your boyfriend. He’s your own private buffet, for goodness sake. 

“Don’t drink anything unless I’m the one who gave it to you, okay? I’ll get you something- Doyoung!” he made sure you won’t be alone and called his friend before he leaves. 

“So you’re the lucky girl. Hi, I’m Johnny” he offers you his hand for a handshake and accepted with a smile. 

“Don’t mind Johnny, hi I’m Doyoung. Taeyong’s best friend,” you shake his hand and smiled at them, hoping that you don’t look awkward. They made small talk, asked you how you’ve been and how’s your Junior year going so far which you answered too seriously. Soon, you feel Taeyong’s cold hands on your shoulders and hands you a drink before he shoos his drunk friend Johnny away. 

It was a fun night, but it can be better if the other girls can respect your relationship. You wanted to snap so hard but instead, you focused on how Taeyong kisses your nape, shamelessly while you watch his friends play beer pong and he’s standing right behind you, hands on the front pockets of your jeans like he’s telling those girls he belongs to you. 

But the warm feeling was shortly cut off when they heard Johnny shouting and drunkenly pushing himself to walk straight so he could get a hold of his girlfriend. Everyone heard it. The words, “Johnny were through. I’m breaking up with you” were heard on every corner of the place even under loud party music. 

After hearing those words, you looked at Taeyong like you’re telling him through his eyes that you’re scared. But Taeyong and his other friends were quick to get Johnny and stopped him from making a scene. 

Everything happened so fast. One second Taeyong was beside you, but now you're in the middle of the place alone and watching your boyfriend and his friends carry Johnny outside. 

“Johnny didn’t ring her love alarm today,” Taeyong sits beside you after leaving you alone for a few minutes to talk to his friend. “And if he’s going to be honest he fell out of love. But he wasn’t ready to let her go and wasn’t sure about his feelings, he’s just being paranoid because he’s going to graduate soon” he let out a sharp exhale before he continues, “We're going to graduate soon. I guess Love Alarm caught him having second thoughts for her already” 

“Do you want to leave now?” you asked your boyfriend. He can only nod because he still feels weak about what happened to his friend. 

 The supposedly warm night with Taeyong became cold and quiet. Not because there’s something wrong with your relationship. But because you were both scared of the idea of breaking up. He wanted to tell you he saw the look in your eyes when you heard the words but he figured enough sadness for one night, wrapped his arms around you and told you “I will never let you go” and kissed you on your temple. 

Few days after the party is exams week so you and Taeyong didn’t see each other that much. But by the time it’s over, he waited for you outside the school and you know he’s the one waiting for you because he rang your Love Alarm. 

While walking to his house, it suddenly rained so hard that the raindrops hurt your skin. But instead of avoiding the rain, Taeyong pulled you in the middle of an empty street and kissed you under the rain. 

It was so sweet. 

His arms were perfectly wrapped around your body while yours is placed behind his lower back. You tiptoe unconsciously so you could reach him well. “I love you,” he says and lifted you off the ground effortlessly for a tight hug. 

“Here wear this” He left some clean clothes on his bed for you to change with while he puts your wet uniform on the dry cleaner. 

When you’re finally dry and clean, you cuddle with Taeyong in his bed wearing his big clothes and listening to the sound of rain with no lights on, but the gloomy sky outside. 

“I saw the way you looked at me the other night” he started. And you tighten your embrace to him as you remember the words and the whole scenario. 

 “I'm just scared and not because I’m doubting your love” you admitted. “I never thought about it you know. That things can go wrong someday-“

“No, no. Then I’ll love you, even more, every day. Don’t be scared please, trust my love” he says and kept you close by putting his legs on your thigh. His big hand is placed under your shirt, drawing small circles on your tummy to give you more comfort. 

“I’m guessing this is second base then?” you teased him to change the mood. 

“Do you want to proceed to that level? Hmm?” he rolls on top of you, teased you, and kissed your neck in a way that seriously turned you on in no time. 

“If you’re brave enough to do it, then go right ahead. I give you my full consent” you reached for his lips and kissed him deeply. You felt him smile during the kiss and also felt his hand slowly lifting your shirt or rather his shirt. Hands roaming your body like he never touched you before, squeezing your butt cheeks and kneading your clothed boobs. To be honest, he’s shy to put his hand inside your clothes but to his shock, you put yours inside his, bravely touched his body, and shamelessly put your hand inside his sweatpants and touched him. 

That made him swallowed his shyness and knead your unclothed breast under the shirt that you’re wearing. Brushing his fingers on your nipples softly, pinching them to make giggle. 

After a few minutes of intense touching, he was slightly tugging the sweat pants that you’re wearing and asked you, “Do I still have your consent if we proceed on third base?” He whispers oh so sexily beside your ear which made you remember what he told you, ‘you’re going to love third base’ and that is enough for you to nod and give him further permission. 

He kissed you on the lips, his way of saying ‘thanks’, and proceeds to lift your shirt and suck your nipples which made you moan his name and grip his locks so tight that he needed to reach for your hands and intertwine them with his. 

Lee Taeyong showed you who is in bed and you can't help but think that you’re the luckiest girl on Earth. 

“Hey, you okay? You’re spacing out, I think should-“ 

“Don’t stop” you moaned and grabbed his head for a deep kiss. You reach for his hand and made him knead your boobs while you kiss and grind on each other and in a matter of minutes you felt him putting his hand inside your panties while he distracts you with the way he kisses you. He flicks his fingers once and you curled immediately, legs wide open so he could freely move his hand. But soon his patience went thin and removed your panties, throwing it on the side of the bed before spreading your legs even more wider. 

“Do you like this side of me?” He whispers on the shell of your ear and bit it eventually making you tickle and giggle with parted lips. 

“I definitely do” you moan out. 

And for the main event under third base, he kissed your body all the way down until he meets your wet entrance. Kissing your inner thighs first before he proceeds to drive you wild with his tongue. 

First, he parted your wet folds, looked you straight in the eye, and licked you like you’re his favorite flavored ice cream. “Tae-“ is all you can moan out and decided to put your hands above your head and grab hold of his headboard. Which he didn’t like so he stopped and told you, “touch me, I like that” 

And so you did. Gripping Taeyong’s locks as he makes you feel good with his tongue. Putting a finger inside your cunt and flick his tongue faster together with his finger, making you cum in no time and crushing your boyfriend’s head with your legs. “Stop- stop” you cry out because of over sensitivity. “You weren’t going to stop eating me unless I told you so” 

He smirked and hummed because you’re right. He gave you a few minutes to catch your breath, taking that time to strip himself naked without you noticing. And when you finally came back from your high, he kisses your lower stomach and there you see your boyfriend all naked and really horny. 

“I want to have sex,” he shamelessly told you, touching your body with care while he waits for your answer. “Can we have sex?” he kisses you more like he’s persuading you. 

“Do you finally have a condom?” You asked with a smile. 

He did not waste any time and get the condom from his drawer, putting it on in front of you. Putting it on in between your wide open legs and very wet slit. 

“Put your arms around me,” he said and you followed immediately. He ran his protected cock on your wet slit, just to make him hard even more but the feeling for you is very different. You are very much aroused, very horny and it already felt good. So when you feel him poke your tight hole and slowly push in finally, your eyes shut close and feel every inch of Lee Taeyong’s cock go inside you oh so fucking slowly until he’s entire inside. 

He grunted and moan directly on your ear and told you, “virgin no more” and kissed you on your temple before he rolls his deep which made you both crazy and even more horny for each other. 

Your tight walls were so wet because of the foreplay that his cock was sliding in smoothly, hurting you good and stretching you right before he fucks you harder. 

“Fucking thin condoms, I feel like I’m fucking you raw,” he said in between thrust and rolling his tongue on your nipple, tugging and biting it as he pleases. 

When he sees you smiling through the pleasure and felt your body more relaxed, he put his mouth on your mouth and made you catch his moans as he fucks you harder and faster, enough for his bed to creak, your body to be dragged on the mattress and your nails to dig on his skin. 

He came hard and had a great orgasm, slowly thrusting deeper as he rides his high and showers you with kisses. Truth be told, he didn’t want to cum just yet but your tight walls did its magic on him.

The moment he pulls out to discard the condom, he went back to kissing your weak body and told you to “Calm down,” oh so sweetly, and eventually giggled when he saw you still breathing heavily.

“How can I calm down if you’re kissing me like that?” 

“Okay I’ll stop,” he says and pulled down your shirt to cover your exposed body, reached for your panties, and helped you wear them again then covered you with his thick sheets. “Better?” 

“Yes, thank you” you smiled weakly at him and watched him get dress again before he joins you under the covers.

“What are you thinking?” he asked, hoping that you’re okay. “Are you hurt somewhere?” 

“How many girls did you bring here before me?” You watch your boyfriend’s eyes get big upon hearing your question, “I’m joking. And no, nothing hurts. I’m just processing everything that happened. How about you? What are you thinking?” 

“I’m thinking about you, how I want you to be the last girl I have sex with in this bed” it was a joke because he only brought a total of two girls into his room. His first girlfriend and you. 

“Buy a new bed or I’m breaking up with you,” you said with a straight face but he clearly knew you’re joking. 

They say that being close with your partner emotionally, physically, and even sexually can strengthen a relationship. And right now, as you celebrate seven months of being in a relationship with Taeyong, you believe in that saying because you’ve been closer than ever after being intimate for the first time. In other words, the sex was a good way to strengthen your relationship. 

“Why do you love reading so much?” he asks, totally jealous over reading a good book rather than talking to him. 

Taeyong is busy nowadays because he’s graduating in a few weeks and he’s part of the prom committee because he has seriously good leadership skills. That’s why maybe he wanted more attention.

“Oh! I'm gonna miss you when you graduate” you pinch his cheek and sat closer to him. “Will you be fine being away from me?” You teased him but your question was serious. 

“No, I will not be fine. I will miss you every day- can we please talk about something else before I start crying?” he attacked you with kisses on the cheek but the moment was cut off when Johnny pullovers to fetch your boyfriend. 

“Have fun shopping for prom decorations with the boys rather than being in bed with me” you whisper to him while you both wear your bags and walk towards Johnny’s car. 

“I love you, go home safe, okay? I’ll call you as soon as we're done” 

During your walk alone, it felt nice to do something without Taeyong for once. Not that you wanted him to be gone, no. It’s just that nowadays, things have been becoming like a routine and less of a relationship. You go to school, see him before class starts, see him again after school, and go home together. Then you do it again the next day. Like you don’t have any more doors to unlock in this relationship. 

But what do you expect? You’re high school students. 

“Are you done studying?” 

“I can’t study tonight, my brain feels tired” you whine through the phone, eyes closed and thankful that it’s going to be the weekend tomorrow. “How about you?” 

“Well, Johnny accidentally broke a few lights so we need to fix it before we go home. I’m tired, I miss you” 

“Mmm. I’m tired too...” your voice was a little groggy. 

“And? Do you miss me too? Can I see you tomorrow?” 

“Tae, we just saw each other five hours ago and no, I want to enjoy my weekend by staying home and watching Netflix” 

“So you’re not having fun when we're out together?-“ 

“I never said anything like that” you opened your eyes because the conversation is getting pretty serious, “Don’t be angry, I just want some time for myself you know? We see each other every day, talk through text every hour, it’s like there’s no more room to breathe” you wish you can properly tell him what you’re feeling but those are the words that came out from your mouth. 

“Time for yourself, huh. Okay” and just like that, he ended the call. No ‘good night’ or ‘i love you’. And even though you’re sleepy and things escalated quickly, you heard the tone of his voice like a mixture of, annoyed and hurt. 

Instead of having a good night's sleep, you stayed up all night thinking about what you said to your boyfriend. Analyzing every word and repeating the scenario in your head, over and over again. If telling him what you want was wrong, then you don’t know what’s right anymore. 

On the next day, you sent him a few messages telling him that you’re sorry and that you didn’t mean to put it that way. You even told him you wanted to see him, hoping that he will finally get back to your messages. But still, he never replied. The whole weekend.  

Come Monday, you didn’t get to see Taeyong in the morning like you usually would because you and your friends did your group project together last minute. And the truth is, you’re starting to hurt because you feel bad for being honest even though you didn’t intend to hurt him like that. 

“I think you’re being too clingy” Doyoung protest to his friend during lunchtime.

“Girls love clingy boyfriends-“ 

“Well, unfortunately not your girlfriend. Give her some space, don’t make her all about you, you know?” 

“I just want every time I could get with her before I graduate. B-but, yeah. Now I’m giving her the time that she wanted for herself-“

“But you’re hurting her. She’s worried, she just wanted you to return her messages dude” Johnny pats his back and gave him the look like he’s saying ‘fix this before Love Alarm screw the situation further’ 

And while Taeyong is enjoying his lunch with his friends, you’re with your friends at the school bleachers watching the other sections use the field. Talking about hot boys, prom dresses, and what to do after prom.

“Did Taeyong asked you to prom already? Was it romantic?” you see the excitement of your friend as she asked you the question and see the others wait for your answer. 

“N-no. He hasn’t” the once cheerful faces were replaced by disappointment. Come to think of it, maybe he will not ask you to prom because of this stupid fight. You shook your head and returned the question to them and pretended that you care who’s taking them. But deep inside you envy them. 

School was always exhausted and you don’t know why you’re suddenly tired. Usually, after school and you meet Taeyong outside, you still have a lot of energy left. And maybe that’s it, Taeyong’s cheerful energy and happy aura are the ones recharging you after a day in school. That’s when you realized that you don’t need to push him away just so you can breathe.

Speaking of the devil, you see him leaning on Johnny’s car the moment you stepped out of the school grounds. Head down, hands inside his pockets, and waiting for you. 

The moment you stepped inside that 10-meter radius, his Love Alarm rang and he knew it was you. But the problem is, your Love Alarm didn’t ring this time. 

Taeyong didn’t notice it. Taeyong didn’t notice that your Love Alarm was silent. He still welcomed you with a tight hug, kissed your face one too many times, and said his sorry sincerely. It felt nice that you are now okay, he’s talking to you again and on top of that he apologized. Of course, you didn’t want to ruin that peace anymore and pretended that you’re not hurt.   

Few days went by and Taeyong hasn’t rung your Love Alarm and he’s too busy to notice it. Senior year is making him busy and you have nothing against that. Yes, you do miss him but he calls you before you sleep and quickly apologizes whenever he feels like he’s being a clingy boyfriend again. 

“N-no. Please, be clingy. I’m sorry for that night, I don’t know what I’m thinking” you sounded desperate but he doesn’t know why. 

“Okay, just making sure we don’t fight again” 

And few days before prom, he still hasn’t asked you yet while your friends all have dresses already and plans for that night. It sucks, but you don’t want to get mad at Taeyong for not asking you to prom because he’s busy. 

On a quiet afternoon after school, you’re waiting for Taeyong outside the school while reading a book, and page by page you digest every word just so you could stop thinking about prom. And just as you least expected it, your boyfriend asked you to prom on page 127 of the book that you’re reading. 

 “Will you go to prom with me?” -T.Y 

Then it hit you. You started reading this book on the day prom was announced so basically he asked you ever since day 1 and he has been waiting for your answer for weeks already. He just keeps on giving you more reasons to ring his Love Alarm loud proud, while you give him nothing to make him ring yours.  

“Finally. Hi” 

You didn’t know he was right behind you and his kiss brought you back on Earth. He was smiling handsomely and proud because his surprise worked on you, even though it took you a while to answer his question your reaction was worth it. 

“You know my answer Tae. And to be honest I thought you forgot about asking me” you finally admitted, but your lack of faith in him didn’t hurt him one bit. 

“Perfectly fine,” his arms swing around your waist and pulled you closer to him while you're sitting on the bench. “I’m free now and I don’t have prom committee duties. Can I flirt with you tonight?” the way he said it sounded just like old times, like the days when you were just starting as a couple. 

The flirting was continued in his room of course, with his thick curtains down, Netflix playing and hands intertwined the whole time. And after the movie, you two cuddled in bed with you on top of him and just listening to his heartbeat. 

“Does your heart beats for me?” you asked soft, hoping he would tell you the truth. 

“Of course, you’re my first love” true. Even though you’re not his first girlfriend, you’re the first girl he ever loved. 

“Your Love Alarm says otherwise Tae. I think I’m not giving you enough reasons to love me” you admitted. “You haven’t rung my alarm ever since our first fight” 

“W-what? Maybe it’s off?” He was panicking, shaking because maybe it’s true. With quick movements, he left you on his bed to get his phone then looked for your phone in your bag and opened the app to see if what you’re saying is true. 

His rang, of course, but yours didn’t. 

“Tae it’s okay- It doesn’t matter. You know you proved to me that you love me even if you can’t ring my Love Alarm” you went beside him and hugged him from behind. Feeling his frustration and anger to himself but your hug helps him a lot. “You tell and show me you love me every day. I can feel it in how you kiss me, how you treat me with respect and how you’re always patient with me. Come on it’s okay, don’t ruin your day” 

To make him feel better, you talked him out of his sulking and convinced him to go back to bed with you which eventually worked. You’re now sitting on top of him, grinding on his crotch, only wearing your panties and his hoodie. You can tell by the way he kisses you that he’s more than sorry about not ringing your Love Alarm and that makes your heart sad too because he didn’t do anything wrong.

“Let’s turn this night around,” you said before removing the hoodie that you’re wearing and making your boyfriend grip your boobs and play with your nipples while you kiss him and distract him as you undo his pants. 

“Clever” and finally he smiles and puts one of your nipples in his mouth, hands inside your panties and spreading your ass cheeks before he inserts a finger in your wet slit. 

After that night, Taeyong had a hard timing accepting that he can’t ring your Love Alarm again even though you told him so many times that it’s okay. Sometimes your conversation escalates too soon and he just ends up arguing with you. Soon fighting has become a weekly thing for the two of you whenever he brings up Love Alarm again. But that’s okay, couples fight and that’s normal. 

On prom night, you purposely did not bring your phone so Taeyong will not try to make your Love Alarm ring. It’s going to be a beautiful night and you didn’t want to ruin it for him. You danced with your boyfriend and went crazy with him on the dance floor, you dance with your friends and ate good food. In other words, you had a great time. 

And when the slow song started to play, everyone’s Love Alarm kept on ringing and people started to confess their feelings. It was amusing to watch and of course, you’re happy for them. But amidst that busy dance floor, that busy place, you and Taeyong had your own 10-meter radius and you don’t need Love Alarm to feel that you love each other. 

“I’m sorry for giving you a hard time these past few days” he started, swaying you under slow music and not caring what's happening around you even though people are very loud and excited. “Let’s stop using Love Alarm. That app lies. I know all too well that I love you and even though I can’t ring your Love Alarm, I sure know how to love you” 

“Mhmm. You do” oh you wanted to kiss him so badly but the teachers are looking. 

“You still love me right?” 

“Of course Taeyong. What kind of question is that?” 

“I know, I just want to hear you say it” he came closer to you and kissed you on your temple when the teachers looked away, “You look beautiful tonight” he added and dance with you more, looking straight into your eyes and thanking you secretly for liking him first. 

Now it's his turn to like and love you forevermore. 

[vemuabhi]

Sanji - Ice cream

Annyong Haseyo!!! I kinda changed the prompt a bit, to fit the story.

Prompt by @nottbilly (wattpad)

Pairing : Sanji X Reader

Warnings : Just fluff!

Word count : 2.3K

Modern Universe

Summary : Sanji is a regular at the icecream parlour you work at. Every time he brought a different date to the place. One day, he was alone and you decided to talk to him. Would this blossom into something new? Lets find out!

A/N : Being a hoe for this man Sanji, I can’t help but write when I find suitable prompts for him. Most of the prompts which I read, I automatically imagine with him. But this, is definitely his character.

There he came again, with a different girl. It’s been 5 months since you started to work in this Ice cream parlour in the evenings. Serving customers ice creams and cold drinks was your part time job and, every week at least 3 times you saw the same blond with different girl.

The first meeting of you two was also awkward. It was the start of the new semester in colleges when you started to work here. One day, when the blond was about to leave because his date cancelled on him, he came towards you and said, “Hey! You are really cute. Do you come here often?”

“Actually… I work here”, you replied. His cheeks turned red due to embarrassment and he left the place. You thought he’d never return… But you were so wrong.

In the beginning you didn’t care much but, as he was a regular, your interest perked up. You listened to how he tried to talk to the girls but… oh god… he was so bad in flirting. You were sure, the girls used to come with him to get free ice cream.

He greeted you every time he came and he seemed like a nice guy. You witnessed many confessions, rejections. Honestly, he was actually handsome, but his flirting, his actions, mostly scared away or creeped out his dates. You really felt bad, when he left the place dejected every single time.

After 5 months you saw him again, but for the first time, he was alone. He had no company. He came towards you and asked for his regular flavour.

“Will anyone join you?”, his expression changed to an awkward one. ‘Oh no… did I offend him?’, you panicked then he sighed and said, “No, I don’t have a date today. No one even wants to come for a free ice cream now”

He took the ice cream from your hands and sat on the chair. He scrolled his phone as he ate in silence. He was always lively, always smiling and trying to impress his date, while they always were bored or just plain ignored him by texting someone else. You looked outside and noticed that, no one was coming to the shop. So, you took off the hat and placed it on the counter. You headed over to the blond and asked, “If no one is coming, do you mind if I give you company? I mean, I don’t feel like costumers will come now. So… What do you say?”. It felt like it took some time for him to register what you said to him. He quickly stood up and shouted, “YES YES YES PLEASE! THANKYOU”.

You chuckled and sat opposite to him as he gripped the table before him nervously. It was quiet for a few seconds. You thought he’d talk first but, you decided to break the silence ‘cause he seemed nervous.

“So, I’m Y/N by the way. Just working here part time to make extra bucks”

“Oh forgive my behaviour. I didn’t introduce myself first. I’m Sanji. I study at the university near this place. So, I tend to come here whenever I try to get a date”

“Woah! Is that so? So, what are you studying there? It’s so hard to get accepted into that university, tell me about yourself Sanji”, you placed your hands on the table before you and listened to him.

Sanji told you about his culinary course and how he was into cooking from a young age. You really got interested as he talked about how he was a cook and wanted to open a restaurant soon. As food being your love of life, you couldn’t help but to be curious of his cooking.

“And I am sure this is weird but, if you would like to try, I’d love to bring something for you to eat”, he scratched the back of his neck anxiously.

“Yes! I’d love to. I know it’s weird but, I’d definitely love to try your cooking”, the blush on his face reddened as you said that.

“Then its set. I’ll make something for you”, he chuckled. Now to raise your most awaited question and concern.

“Sanji… I am not trying to be rude and I know this is our first conversation but, are you… are you working out or doing any sports or yoga. I mean you… are a regular to this place, coming here 3 times a week… You are taking care of yourself right? I am not judging you… just worried”

His cheeks turned red with embarrassment as he answered, “I actually work out 5 times a week and sometimes do martial arts. Thank you for worrying about me” he looked at his thighs and stayed quiet.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”, concern clearly visible on your face, you asked him. He looked up and said, “This… This is the first time, a lady showed interest in what I am doing and even worried about me so… It just feels over whelming”

He was dramatic but, you could understand it because you always watched him… the way he praised his dates, flirted with them, all the time they were here. You never heard him tell anything about himself. So… you decided to lift up the sprits.

“Don’t worry, you are really fun to talk to and also… handsome”, you averted your eyes and whispered the last part. It was barely audible but Sanji heard it. His cheeks turned pink as you said that to him.

“Thank…you”, he murmured and your gaze shifted back to him.

He tried to cool his heated face and brought the ice cream towards his lips. He licked the melting cream and smiled as he looked at you.

You talked about yourself and he listened carefully. You talked about your hobbies and dreams. He excitedly asked you about them and why you like them. He was really listening to you. He wasn’t acting. You both got carried away as you a lot. You literally introduced him to your world. He ever listened to the songs you liked or the read the books you admired. He was genuinely interested when you talked about them.

“Oh my! Y/N, these are amazing. I might get addicted to them”, he said. You were about to talk more but were a customer entered the place.

Getting up from the seat quickly you went towards the counter and handed the customer what they needed. Then your gaze shifted to the blond, who now stood before the counter and was held out his money for the ice cream. You shook your head no and said, “You don’t have to pay for that. It’s my treat”

“Wait why I’m a guy? I should pay, but you didn’t even eat anything. I am practically paying for myself”

“Is there any rule that, girls can’t pay for their dates?”, the date word slipped out of your mouth by accident but, it resulted him to blush harder.

“I… I’m not saying that”, he pouted and whined, “This was a date. You said it. You cant take that back”, making you chuckle.

“Yeah… I guess I can’t. Well, in return, I did have a date with… a cute guy”, you murmured the last part as you looked down, making him gulp.

Placing his elbows on the counter gently he leaned towards you. “Beware, if you keep doing things like this I might kiss you”, he whispered near your ear.

Your face heated up as you felt his breath near your eat. ‘Was he always this confident always?’, you thought as you looked at him. He had a cocky smirk on his face. Then his phone buzzed. He pulled back and you nodded at him to check it.

“Damn it… I can’t believe it”, he said as he looked at you.

“Its okay, go back. It’s not safe to stay late”, you smirked as he took your hand.

“I just can’t believe it. I’m leaving first on a date. Usually its always-”

“YOU. I know. It’s alright for you to leave. It’s not a crime. Now go back”, you insisted as you placed your free hand on his. He tugged on your hands and asked, “You’ll be here tomorrow also, right?”

You giggled and said, “No. I won’t”

He was shocked at what you said. You chuckled at his expression and said, “I’m having a day off tomorrow”

He sighed as he frowned. “You almost had me”, he huffed and continued, “Then, can I take you out on a date tomorrow again”, he asked and you nodded yes. He smiled as he reluctantly let your hand go and walked towards the door. He looked back at you as he waved bye. You returned his action and he left the place.

The next date, you got to eat one of the best dishes he cooked. It was absolutely delicious. The next date was a movie and the other was at a park. You both really had a great time together.

At Sanji’s house

After some date, at last you were coming to his house so Sanji was getting super nervous. But the ruckus on the dining table made it even more irritating to him.

“SANJIIII MEATTT!!!!”, shouted Luffy as he kept stuffing his mouth with Ussop’s food, making the latter cry as Zoro just gulped down the beer he got in the fridge.

“GET OUT YOU THREE! A very important guest is coming today. So scram”, Sanji practically tried to kick them out but the bell rang.

“OMG! You two. Be polite”, he glared at the duo and opened the door with a smile.

“Welco- Oh! Nami san, what brings you here?”, he asked her nervously.

“Wha?! Did you just stop smiling after looking at me”, she asked as she folded her hands.

“Oh my No never Nami san! I’m… happy that you are here”, he said.

“Sanji weren’t you the one who said that I was always invited to your house?”

“Yes milady”

“Then move or do you not want me to-”

“OMG! Sorry and please come in”, he said. His nervousness was making it hard for him to think properly.

“Franky will be here soon”, she said to the blond as they both entered the living room. Sanji clicked his tongue and thought why everyone were here now out of all other days.

“Someone is apparently coming here”, Said Ussop to the ginger as she sat beside him.

“Really? Who is it?”, she asked the long nose as he shrugged. “Come to think of it, he isn’t trying to be so flirty with me anymore”, Nami said as she got comfy on the couch. “He is also smiling and texting a lot”, said Zoro and it perked the interest of the two.

“So… tell me, what’s happening”, asked Nami with a smirk. The bell rang again and Sanji again went to open the door thinking Franky. He opened the door with a annoyed look on his face but his eyes met with yours.

“Oh my. What happened Sanji? Is this a wrong time? I’ll go if it-”

“NO! no my dear. It’s not. I thought my friend came over”, he said as he held your hands and placed a kiss on them. You blushed as he did it. ‘Damn his charming attitude’, you thought and then you heard.

“What are you guys doing?”

You and Sanji turned towards the door. There you saw 3 guys and a girl. Excluding the guy eating something, the other three looked like… they were spying something. Sanji sighed and said, “This is Y/N, we are dating”, he pulled you close to him as he placed his hand on your shoulder.

“WAIT WHAT!!!!”, shouted the guy with the long nose as he came closer to you. The orange haired girl was also in front of you in a split second.

“You agreed to go out with him?”, she asked

“Are you an actress by any chance and is he paying you to act”, asked a man with green hair.

“Oye!! Why are you all so shocked? It’s true. We both are dating. Don’t scare her”, he said as he hugged you closer.

“Yes, we are dating”, you smiled as you hugged him back and added, “He is such a gentleman and is so caring” making him blush

The three whistled at you two and Sanji led you inside. Soon they were introduced to you. Apparently, four more people entered the place without announcing.

You had a lot of fun with Sanji’s friends, now your friends too. Everyone played, ate and sang. Soon, it was already evening and everyone left the place. You stayed and helped Sanji to clean.

“Tsk… I thought we could’ve spent time together. You only get 2 days off work”, he pouted. You ruffled his hair and smiled at him. Leaning your elbows at the counter, you looked at him and said, “It’s okay. Your friends are really good. I enjoyed my time here”.

He wrapped his arms around your waist and smiled. “If you enjoyed, then it’s fine”, he said as he tucked a strand of hair around your ear and looked deep into your eyes.

You knew what he was trying to ask, but was nervous. “Sanji, its okay”, you said as you placed your arms around his neck. Slowly he leaned down and his lips met yours. They were soft. He gently tilted his head to deepen the kiss. Your hands travelled to his hair and shoulders. His arms pulled you even closer and one of his hand, gently stroked your cheek. You broke the kiss to look at him. You both smiled at each other as your foreheads touched.

Thanks for reading. Please Like/Vote, Comment and Reblog/Share.

XOXOXOXO

PS : For some art of this story click this.

Follow to support me.

[kitten-mafiagang]

Silent Love [Kenma x Deaf Reader] pt.1

(Reader's pov)

Im (y/n) (l/N) and im not like any students...,why? because i cant hear.

"Hey loser~!" The girl screamed.

I tried to signed at them.

'Can you repeat that?' i signed.

"Could stop with that stupid signs of yours?" she said angrily.

In all honesty..i can understand them i could read what they say with their mouths.

I walked to my classroom silently as soon class started.

(Kenma's pov)

After the classes were done i headed to the gym and saw the others talking about something.

"who ever do the bet would win 3000 yen~!" a unfamiliar lady said.

"Isnt that too rude?" i heard lev said.

I got interested and walked to them.

"what bet?" i asked.

"Well,who ever pretends to like (y/n) and broke her after will have this 3000 yen" she said.

3000 yen?..thats very high for that kind of bet,is she willing to bully others with that high money standards.

"Well then how about 4000 yen?!" she cheered.

Thats very high,i could buy new game console with that.

"im in" i said quietly.

"What?!" lev shouted.

"Isnt that too bad for (y/n),especially with her condition!!" condition?

"what do you mean?" i asked.

"You dint know?!" yamamoto screamed.

"Shes deaf" kuroo said in a sadly tone.

(Timeskip)

(Reader's Pov)

I was walking to the halls and ready to go home,trying to avoid any bullies as possible.

Until a saw a unfamiliar face blocking at my way.

"U-um excuse me..." he said softly.

"Are you (y/n)-san?" the boy asked and i nodded.

"well...i was here to give you this" he reached for his bag and bring out a chocolate box.

"Im kenma kouzume,you can call me kenma and..." he got a long silence before he spoke again.

"I like you,please go out with me" he said and smiled.

I was suprise since no one dared to be this good to me especially to my condition,i was thinking twice since we never met before and how could this man likes you?

I bring out a sketch pad and a marker and wrote something.

He gave me a puzzled looks and i showed him what i written.

'Thanks,but could we try to know each other more?'

Months have passed and me and kenma were doing fine,he brough me to dates and his volleyball matches.

And he always protect me to stray balls even though i know hes a lazy type of person but over all i think im starting to fall for him.

(Kenma's pov)

Its been months and i think i couldt do the deal anymore.In all honesty i started to like (y/n),how could he tried to trick someone sweet and innocent like her.

I wanted to tell  to the girl i dealed with that i want to back out and thats what im planning today and i wanted to confess everything about (y/n) even if she doest like me anymore i wanted to be honest to her.

After our practice i decided to check (y/n) out from her classroom i heard my phone ring and i excitedly checked it expecting (y/n) texted me.

"Kenma-kun~!" a girly voice said.

Oh its a call

"Who is this?" i said.

"You see,its been awhile simce our deal was so ill be finishing the deal myself and i know that you wanted to back out i could see that the way you look to the brat" i was horrified i wanted to be the one who tell (y/n) about it and not her.

"dont you dare-" she cut me off

"Aww are you scared what could happen? i wanted to know what could happen too but anyways i have to go i already see (y/n)~!"

(Timeskip)

(Reader's pov)

I was about to exit the classroom when someone block the door way.

"(y/n)" my bully was standing there holding a phone.

I was scared i dont know what to do..

I was about to get my sketch pad when she played something from her phone.

'Well,who ever pretends to like (y/n) and broke her after will have this 3000 yen' her voice rang from the phone.

I listened carefully.

'im in' a familiar voice said.

"Dont you see (y/n)? kenma-kun never loved you,he did it for the money and even how hard you try...no one will ever love you" she said grinning at the process.

I was shock how could kenma do that to her? i thought he loved me? i thought i was trully loved.

Tears shedded though my eyes and i ran out of the school not looking back and headed to the playground i used to be.

(Kenma's pov)

I saw (y/n) running out the school crying.

Shit,shit,shit she did really told her!

I ran after her and saw her at the swings..

"(y-y/n)? i called out from her..

She dint respond she was still there looking at the ground.

"(Y/N)!" i shouted

she looked up and i could see puffy eyes out of her.

"i-im sorry....i-" she cut me off.

"a- aih t-thaught yo-you la-lab me!" she cried from her muffle voices.

From the very first time i heard her voice.

But it has a painful to hear it at the same time.

[ntamain]

Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she's gay?

another gay gem from the r/relationship reddit

Update:

Image ID under the cut, please let me know if I did it wrong!

[Image ID: four screenshots of a post from the relationship subreddit by tumblr user nta-main. The title reads “Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she’s gay?”

The text reads “Update post is now locked, I cant believe so many people were interested in us!! Thank you again for your support, comments and messages.

Hi all, I can't believe I'm asking for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet but I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. Sorry for the incoming essay but I guess I need to give history. I bought my first house in September last year, It was an odd time but everything just fell into place. It's quite a small village and everyone is really friendly so I got to know my neighbours soon after moving in - yes, socially distanced. Then I met my over-the-road neighbour, let's call her Elle. I can't describe it but it's the first time I've ever met someone and been lost for words and my heart was racing and just thought "omg", y'know?? So after I blushed my way through a welcome to the village type convo we only saw each other for a wave and hello for a few days.

To help kinda settle in I had my dog (Bea) with me for the first few weeks. During this time there was a massive increase in dog thefts in a nearby town, not just from gardens but literally wrestled away from people. If I'd have been working (furloughed off and on since March) then I would've taken Bea back to mum's but since I was home with her all day she stayed. So the local police advised to not walk dogs alone but we go out twice a day, a 10k run in the morning and a few miles walk in the evening. So obvs this scares me, but at the same time she is honestly a pain in the arse and gets upset if she doesn't go for a run and needs to be tired out so I'm kind of stuck at this point. Then along comes Elle. She knocked on the door and offered to come with us as she'd seen Bea and me in the evenings and everything kind of spiralled from there. I told her about my morning runs but she didn't really bite so I thought nothing of it. Then a few days later I bumped into her on a run, so she started joining us on those too.

A few months later and we are spending more and more time together everyday. It has now progressed to a run early morning, afternoon coffee, dinner most evenings and then the evening walk. It just seemed to happen without me really noticing. I didn't read into things that much as I don't want to get my hopes up and ruin anything until another neighbour commented about how much time we spend together and how "it's nice to see you young gals getting on" and winked. She actually winked at me. I asked her what she meant but she just laughed and said "you know what I mean". So now I'm looking back on things and wondering if she could like me too?

Here's some reasons why she might like me:

I went running along the same route at the same time for nearly 2 weeks before I happened to run into her a few days after I told her this?

I make her a coffee every afternoon (Elle is WFH) and take it over in her fave mug. She says I make good coffee but I'm pretty sure I saw a fancy coffee machine the first time I went round (it's not there now?).

Elle carried on running and walking with me even after Bea went home. I told her she was going back to mum's and she said well "I'll have to make another excuse to join you" and then we just carried on everyday.

She has tried really hard to bond with Bea. Bea is a very anxious dog and is scared of everyone except me and mum. Elle bought special treats to give her everyday and has been so amazing with her and never tried to force anything. When I asked her she said "it's important to me that she likes me and is comfortable". Bea actually fell asleep between us on the sofa yesterday and It just makes my heart skip a beat guys.

She invited me to the zoom quiz she does with her friends every fortnight or so and they were all like "oh so this is who we've heard so much about "

We realised we had become each other's support bubble. Elle asked if I was meeting anyone else and I said no, she said she was glad she had me all to herself (!!)

We gave each other quite personal xmas presents. Like, it actually made me tear up it meant so much to me. And she bought stuff for Bea!!

Reasons why she might not like me:

All the reasons above, but that she's just doing them because she's a fucking great person and we're friends?

It might sound dumb but idk I need your help guys. She is the just the most incredible person I have ever met and I really really like her but if she isn't gay or doesn't feel the same I don't want to lose her friendship as she has become such a huge part of my life. I genuinely have no experience with these kind of things as I went to quite a strict all girls school, so it's not as if there were any relationships around me as a teen and then I went to a very small uni (8 of us on my course). I guess another reason is that I've struggled with anxiety and depression for the past 10 years, as well as my weight and working on my self confidence, but I can say that right now I am the happiest and healthiest (both mentally and physically) I have ever been. I've only just really become comfortable with the fact that I'm gay and I have never really told anyone in real life, but I don't think people would be too surprised lol. I don't have any close friends as no one stuck around when I was really struggling with my MH a few years ago so I can't discuss this with anyone irl.

So I need your advice : how do I find out if she is gay? And no, I don't have the confidence to just ask!! What if she says no and I ruin everything? She has never mentioned anything about past relationships and I'm pretty tactless so not sure how I could naturally slip it into the convo. Like, "hey tell me have you ever had a girlfriend? Do you want one now?" Lol. And how can I make a move without really making a move so I don't ruin things??

tl;dr : Don't know whether my neighbour is gay and into me or is just really friendly. How can I make a move without ruining our friendship?

Edit: Ok guys, thank you so so much for all your support and encouragement. You've all given me a lot to think about. I think I'm going to casually slip some gay stuff into conversation and see how she reacts. Then bring up the neighbours comment like some of you suggested, seeing as tho the neighbour was heavily implying that we're gay. I'll do it tonight otherwise I'll talk myself out of it again. I will post an update to let you know what happens (eek). If you never hear from me again assume it went badly and I am consoling myself with cake and watching brokeback mountain in floods of tears.

Hi reddit, yes it's me the useless lesbian. First off I want to thank you all for your support, encouragement and advice - and the undeserved awards! I never expected this many of you to take the time to comment and that so many of you were rooting for us.

So I had the plan to drop these gay hints into convo like you guys suggested but honestly it all went out the window. Elle was kinda stressed friday after a shitty work zoom and just needed to vent so it wasnt the right time to start anything. Though I guess I must have been a bit off thanks to spending all day overthinking things on here, as Elle turned up Saturday morning rambling about stressing me out and apologised (!!) for ruining dinner. Obvs I said "what are you talking about you can talk to me about anything", and she said "anything?" and I said "anything" back. And guys the tension was unreal, staring at each other and hoping our lesbian mind reading powers would kick in.

Then there was some loud noise like a car backfiring or something and the moment went. So I went to make coffee and then Elle asked me why I was a bit quiet the night before and I said something about overthinking stuff and she said "what stuff" and idk you guys I wasnt prepared to be put on the spot my casual gay pop culture references were useless in this moment. My mind just went completely blank and I forgot every single thing you guys suggested and my heart was pounding and I just blurted out you know I like you, right?.

...And then she kissed me. Kissed me. We straight up just snogged in the kitchen and it was fucking great. So...you were right. You were all fucking right. She's gay, she likes me and has been trying to drop hints for nearly 5 months. sigh

We were both just too scared to make a move or ruin anything. Turns out she's been burned by straight girls in the past, so she's pretty wary and was hoping I'd straight up say I'm a lesbian so she'd know for sure - maybe the I'm a lesbian wall hanging would've been a good idea after all? Her friends have been helping her drop hints, she showed me the group chat and guys their suggestions ranged from flirting more to just turning up in a trenchcoat and nothing else lol. Also, the winking neighbour has been making comments to her as well, so shout out to her for trying to make this happen too.

So no cake and cry watching brokeback mountain, just 5 months of dating to catch up on. As for worrying about how our current schedule could be more date like during lockdown, you were right it's kinda irrelevant when you've essentially been dating the whole time. Though we never made it to our morning run yesterday, in fact we didn't leave the house at all, ha.

Thank you guys for giving me hope, even if all your suggestions completely disappeared in the moment. Maybe I'll show her the post later and ask if any of the suggestions would have worked.

tl;dr: she's gay, into me and I'm an idiot”

End image ID]

[zmayadw]

And the second :)

Wish you all a nice evening :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 12

           I got awakened in the morning by my phone ringing. I sleepily tried to find it with my hand, still covered over the head. Wen i felt it with my fingers, i draged it under the covers to my ear, ansewring with hoarse voice „Hello?“ „Dont tell me you're still sleeping?“ Jessys cheerful voice chimed from the other side. „I was up working till 3am, ofcourse i'm still sleeping.“ I told her, as i slowly started to get out of bed. „What time is it, anyway?“ i asked. „Its 10. I got back to Duskwood a while ago, tought you might like to join me for coffee.“  „Sure, Jessy, if you give me like half hour or so to get ready and meet you in the center.“ „Great!“ she chimed „I'll text you where i'll be. See you soon.“ „Cya, Jessy.“

I got out of bed, and went to bathroom. When finished, i got dressed and took my phone and wallet, got the cary keys and left the motel. As i was driving towards the towns center, i tought i actualy might do some shoping. I didnt really pack much of my fancy stuff, and i cant really show up at the Aurora in jeans all the time. As i parked, Jessy sent a message to meet her at the Rainbow Cafe. It wasnt far from where i parked, so i was there in few minutes. We hugged as i got there, and i ordered a sandwich and coffee. She told me about  her visit to her sister. She was happy to see her, they dont meet as much as Jessy would like because of her work, and i could relate with her. I told her Phil called me for Auroras party. „Ohh, thats tonight, i completly forgot about it!“ Jessy scolded on herself „Good thing you reminded me.“ I smiled at her „I need some shopping to do, i dont have anything to weare tonight!“ i said, and Jessy added teasingly „Well, we better go find you something sexy then, you never know who just might show up at the Aurora tonight.“ I smiled at her, knowing exactly who was she talking about. I hoped Jake might show up, even tho the chances for it wer close to non. Never the less, one can hope, right? „So, i am not wrong when i assume you will join me?“ i asked teasingly. „Ofcourse you're not wrong!“ she said cheerfully „I might get myself a thing or two.“ We laughed, paid for our coffees and went shopping. We found what we wanted quite fast, wich i was glad for. Jessy walked me to my car, and we arranged to meet at the Aurora arround 23. I got back at the motel, grabbing myself a pizza on the way. I decided to take a shower first then eat. After i finished with pizza I still had some time to kill before getting ready, so i just putted some music on and surfed the net a bit. When it got time to get ready, i took out the dress i bought. It was black, up to knee of lenght, tight to follow your body lines. I put it on, and opened the wardrobe, wich had a big mirror on one of the doors inside. Damn, Jessy wasnt lying, i was looking good! I luckily got my black boots with me, wich went great with the dress. I've put on some make up, and my lipgloss, winking and blowing myself a kiss in the mirror as i was done. I was in a good mood, and why wouldnt i be, i was looking smoking hot! I put on some of my favorite parfume, and was ready. But my mood faded a bit when my phone rang, and i saw a hidden number again. This is getting ridicolous, i tought before i answered. „Hello? Who is this?“ But nothing, silence from the other side again. I got a bit frustrated with those calls now, so i hissed in my phone „Look, who ever this is, either say something, or fuck off already!“  There was a moment of silence before the call was ended by a misterious caller. Good riddence, i tought, pouring myself a glass of water. I have to admit, those calls became irritating, and a bit of sinister feeling crawled at me because of them. I drank some water and took a deep breath to calm dawn. Im not gonna let that thing ruin my evening. I checked myself once more in the mirror; all good, ready to go. I decided to take my jacket, the nights wer still pretty chilly.I took my phone and wallet, putted all in my purse, grabbed the car keys and left the motel. I decided to go with my car, and just go easy with drinks tonight.

Phil wasnt lying when he said Aurora would be pretty packed for the night. I got there a bit earlier, little past 22, and already a lot of people showed up. As i was walking towards the bar, someone called my name, and i turned to see Hannah waveing to me from one of the booths. She was there with some friends i didnt know, Thomas ofcourse, and Lily. And to my surprise, Jake was with them, too. I smiled to myself, what was it i tought earlier, one can hope, right?. As i waved her back still walking towards the bar, i could notice Jakes gaze following me. Seeing me dressed like this didnt leave him indiferrently. Good, i tought, and smiled again to myself, this might actualy be a very interesting night. As i got close to the bar, Phil noticed me, and just stoped what he was doing. He checked me from toes to head, his stare intensifing, and i could feel that heat spreading through my body again. I grined at him, saying teasingly as i got to the bar „Want a tissue? You're drooling a bit.“ Phils eyes got that devilish spark in them „Can you blame me? You look amazing, Maya!“ „Aww, thanks, Phil.“ I i said smiling. „And i'm not the only one who noticed it, by the way. There wer quite a few eyes on you just now!“ he said, winking at me. I grinned „Good, so i definatly didnt go wrong with my outfit for tonight.“ „Definatly didnt.“ He grinned back, that devilish spark in his eyes intensifing. „Go sit down, i saved you two seats at the end of the bar.“  He told me „I'll join you in a minute.“ „Thanks, Phil.“ I smiled, and went to the bars end. I laughed out loud when i saw two papers taped on the stools with the writting on them 'Reserved for VIP'. I took the paper down from one and sat. Phil came, sitting on the stool next to me, bringing with him two full shot glasses. „It is a party, afterall, we have to drink to that.“ He told me, grining devilishly. I laughed „Excusses, excusses.“ „Aww, c'mon, but its a good one.“ He said. I looked at him, shaking my head, taking one of the glasses, raising it up to him „ Well, to Aurora then!“ „Indeed!“ he replied, as we knocked our glasses together and drank. „So“ i started „i'm a VIP, huh.“ „Ofcourse you are.“ He said, winking. I shook my head at him, smiling „You really know how to make a girl feel special.“ He grinned, looking intensly at me „You've seen nothing yet.“ My cheeks flushed, and i was relieved when one of the waiters came to our end of the bar, asking if Phil could come for a second, and he excused himself. He got back in less then a minute, coming from the other side of the bar „What can i get you to drink, gorgeous? I have to leave you for a while to take care of something, dont want you to get thursty on me.“ He said smiling. „Hmm, i'll have a glass of white whine, thank you.“ „Something sweeter is your thing, right?“ he said, winking at me. „Well, mister barkeep, you read my mind.“ I repleid grinning at him. He took a wine glass filling it „Here you go, gorgeous, hope you like it. Now, excuse me for a moment.“ He winked before leaving.

As Phil left, i took my phone out, checking the time, seeing Jessy sent me a message she and Dan will be here soon. I took a sip of my wine, and it was really good, Phil did guess my taste for sure. All of a sudden, someone sat next to me, and i turned, getting a bit surprised at seeing who it was. „Lily?“ i looked at her a bit bewildered. „Am i interupting you?“ she asked. „Uhm, no, is everthing ok?“ i aked, wondering why she might possibly be here. „Yes, everything is fine“ she started „Amm, can we talk for a minute?“ she said, and i could notice she was a bit fidgety. „I guess so.“ I said, still pretty puzzled by it. A moment of silence passed, before she started. „Well, i actualy want to appologize to you, for my behavour last time.“ I almost choked with my drink, looking at her, eyes wide in bewilderment „You do?“ „Yes, well..“ she started „I overreacted. I mean, everything was still fresh, and i'v let emotions take over me a bit too much.“ She looked at me now, and i could see she was being sencere. I was still shocked with what was going on, so i just managed to say „Ok.“ „I shouldnt have lash out at you like i did, and im sorry about it.“ She paused before continuing „And i had a long talk with few people who got me realize that.“ „Let me guess“ i started „Hannah and Thomas?“ „You got Hannah right.“ She told me, and i looked questionable at her. „Well, Jake can get quite insightful.“ I was even more shocked. „Jake?“ i asked „Our Jake? I mean, are we thinking about the same person here?“ i asked, still not sure i heard her correctly. She smiled „Yes, we are. He can be really argumentative and rational. When you get to know him, he is quite a plesant conversator.“ I couldnt belive what she was saying. Is it me thats the problem then, i tought, since it looks like im the only one Jake has problems talking to. I got a bit sadness creeping at me then, and i didnt really wanted to say what i did out loud, but it just sliped out „Guess then i dont know him as much as i tought i did.“ Lily nudged me on my knee, and i looked at her. She smiled gently at me „He likes you.“ „Sorry?“ i said, my mind still trying to process all she told me. „Jake“ she started „He likes you. I know you might not belive it, but its true. When he mentions you, its like his eyes get some special glow in them.“ She saw my disbelief „Look, i know he's not the easiest person to talk to. But give him a chance, and you just might be surprised by him.“ She gave me encouraging smile „And expressing emotions dont come so easy to him, so be patiante. I can see you two care a lot for eachother, and i hope you will be abel to resolve whatever it is that stands in your way.“ She started to get up from the stool, but before she turned to leave i said „Hey, Lily? Thank you for this, i appriciate it.“ She smiled, and i continued „And i hope we can get along from now on, no grudges about anything.“ „I would like that.“ She told me with a smile. „And remember what i told you, just be patiante with him.“ She gave me one more smile, before going back to her booth. I was still pretty shocked with what just happened. Was what she said true? Does Jake really likes me as much as she claims? I was so lost in my toughts,i didnt notice Jessy standing next to me, trying to get my attention. „Earth to Maya.“ She said, when i finaly looked at her, confusion still present all over my face. She looked at me „What was that all about?“ „Huh?“ i managed. „Lily? What did she want?“ I looked at Jessy, still trying to sort everything up in my head „You wouldnt belive me if i told you.“ i said to her, tapping the chair next to me, suggesting for her to sit down. I told Jessy all that happened with Lily, but leaving the Jake part out of it, at least for now. I didnt really want to talk about it at the moment, and i was sure Jessy would have a lot to say. „Well, im glad you two cleared everything up.“ Jessy said „Me too, Jessy. I really had enoughof drama in my life lately, so at least one thing less to worry about.“ „We need a drink to celebrate!“ Jessy chimed cheerfuly, at wich point Phil returned „Did someone say she needs a drink?“ he said at Jessy, grinning. „Ahh, your timing couldnt be more perfect, brother.“ She grined back. Phil took four glasses, filling them with whiskey. Dan joined us then „Oooo, i like where this is going!“ he said cheerfuly, rubbing his hands together, as Phil gave each of us one. „Ohh, no,no“ i started „This one will be it for me, i'v learned my lesson last time.“ „Oh, shush it and just drink.“ It was Jessy saying it, to wich i looked at her astonished, but Dan hugged her „That's my girl!“ She smiled at him and turned to me raising her glass „Bottoms up!“. I laughed, shaking my head before drinking „Ohh, im so not dressed to be walking back to the motel!“

[6guilty-sadist6]

guilty sadist

It took me five minutes and lots of deleted text to think about how to open this, maybe i’ll delete this line in a minute and write something new, it’s not that i feel awkward i just find it hard to start i know where i want to be but i cant get there when i write because i always go off on multiple tangents and i have so much to say it gets lost and fogotten. Im doing it now going off on tangents i’ll get to the point not that anyone is reading other than me.

I want people to like me, and not in the normal way, i want them to think about me 24/7, I want them to see me in a group of friends and instantly try and catch my eye when we laugh, I want them to drunk text me saying they cant understand why they like me but they cant stop, i want them to feel like they are going to vomit with anxiety at the thought of me being near them. So far sounds pretty normal, maybe not normal but understandable reasonable but the rope keeps going, I dont want to like them back, I want to hate them actually. I imagine myself talking to someone romantically for months going on dates sharing secrets building up to something spectacular and just as its about to reachs its satisfying climax with no explanation with no reason i’ll ignore them block them perhaps and they’ll go crazy trying to conatct me beg me to explain what they did and when we inevitably bump into eachother at a party or anywhere ill walk past them and they’ll grab my shoulder with tears in their eyes being completely vunerable they’ll say “please tell me what did i do” and i’ll look them with a pitiful look in my eye and a smirk on my lips and i’ll say “ stop being so dramatic we werent serious it was just some fun I didnt mean it ike that its not my fault you got attached”.

I have lots of these fantasies they range from moderate to extreme. Sometimes I imagine the person I want to obssess over me crying in bed because i dont like them back, sometimes I imagine them confessing and me calling them stupid, immature insane even to think I would ever pay attention to them. Sometimes I imagine them stalking me abusing physcially even  me making me cut off all of my friends  because they are so possessive and then apologising each time and crying because they regret it but they still continue to do it. I imagine them ruining my life in order to keep me forever. 

I’ve tried to put these into practice in real life, I’ll meet someone and they show me some interest and all i can think about is how ill get them to like me. These thoughts will consume me for days sometimes its disturbing to the point I cant concentrate and it drives me crazy but I can’t stop it. Sometimes i’ve succeeded and sometimes ive failed I definately need time to perfec tmy craft theres times when ive had my “victims” hooked around my finger ( or so i thought) and ill start  the next phase of my plan showing them i hate them and ill start cut them down with my hate like a field worker with a machete and it fails and they are not obssessed enough and they leave and it makes me spiral to tears to the point i self harm not because i loved them not because i even liked them but because they didn’t admire me enough and its awful thinking about it makes me feel sick. Its like if you took time to harvest one watermelon and it took forever to grow and you carefully pick it up from your garden and cut it open only to find its white in the inside and all your hardwork is wasted and you have to wait months again for a new one to grow and sometimes you dont have any watermelon seeds left so you just sit and obssess over your failed fruit and its awful. but let me tell you the times when i do have them hooked around my finger and i start pushing them away and they come crawling back and i keep kicking them back down the feeling is better than a fucking watermelon it’s better than A-class drugs, and i would know i’ve tried them. then something that brings me pure ecstacy when I beat them down and push them away and then I wave a tiny bit of bait infront of them like me in a short skirt and they come running back sometimes i don’t even need any bait and it makes me feel on cloud 9. There’s a key to picking th person you want to obssess over you, you have to make sure you are above them in status and intellect and everything pretty much because then to them you are a god and they are a peasant and that fuels their desire.

I thought possibly i was a narcissist but I know i’m not because when these things fail I will hate myself and pick apart my looks for hours and call myself ugly disgusting and fat, i even starve myself thinking it would make them like me and i know deep down im attarctive because people say it all the time but i still see myself as ugly even when I know i’m not and no narcissist would do that because they think they are already perfect. I dont think theres an explanation im just a bad person.

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 1 - "I know the game will pick up eventually" ~Shaad

chile lemme not get thrown out for making all these stan twitter bitch references I'M LICHERALLY HARMLESS I DON'T MEAN MOST OF WHAT I SAY DKJFHASJKLDG

~

ngl tho i'm kinda shitting myself over these challenges bc i don't wanna get tossed on the first round JKAHFSJKDGHJ my ant eye et tea is through the ROOF

~

oh girl, first impressions? ngl, the gays and girls here seem quite lovely, hopefully they won't have to carry me the entire time LMAO

Okay like the only person I like/talked to is Jodi but she seems like a smart cookie so ima sleep with one eye open. But idk I'm ready to put on my fake ass smile and my fake ass kind words and get through this part. It's interesting with 6 people per tribe like if we lose I don't have that solid "core" yet but theres a chance that it would be me, jodi, amy because we were the first three on and active so idk. the immunity challenge is cool, the hunt challenge is cool too. im not good at timed puzzles, so I don't think I'm gonna go for it but a part of me feels like everyone across the tribes isnt gonna do it becsuse theyre scared so thats a good opportunity to sneak in and play with less people against me? idk idk idk ahhh

🎶Oh my god we're back again🎶 Hey peeps!! :DDD Here I am againnnn, how fun! Tbh I forgot this was today lowkey and Dylan reminded me and I was like oop 😳 also I am so sorry to everyone that I cannot help but sprinkle the fact that we are now dating in all of my first convos bc IM VERY GAY apologies✨ for how often I'm mentioning it I mean 😂 My tribemates seems so cool, Jennifer and Babs are newbies but seem up to the challenge, Jay A and Colin already giving off immaculate vibes✨ Me and Dyl are hosting Ingary in a month and I do have like work and everything so I don't know exaclty how active I'll be in this game/ how far I'll make it but we'll see won't we!!

not me being a leader of whateva

~

it's the lack of reading comprehension for me (that was shade directed towards myself)

In the fools tribe !!! Moth is in my tribe which is good because we have played together before. The immunity challenge is divide and conquer! So I believe I will be doing the endurance one. I think I’ll be okay... and the hunt announcement is a good twist !!! I’m not sure if I’ll participate in the first one.. but I’ll probably change my mind. ANYWAYS, I’m ready to kick some ass 

Hey guys it's me Brayden and I am so here. I'm so excited to be playing again and stuff and I have already predicted the future that I'll be the winner. Anyways I was at an award ceremony for like the first 3 hours of the game which is kind of scary bc I feel like I missed alot but I'm trying to talk to people and stuff and see what's going on. I've briefly talked to Jodi, Amy, and Ginnifer (who is so hard to talk to btw I like send her messages trying to start a real conversation and she will just respond being like same or something). Anyways the other 2 people on my tribe are offline rn so ig I missed my chance to talk to them tonight so I'll do that tomorrow. Anyways I signed up to do counting and I'm so excited bc I literally KILLED the counting challenge on Kyoshi Islands so I'm so excited to hopefully kill it again. I also decided to play the hunt challenge even though I only have 3 chances bc I'm hoping alot of people will be scared to use one of their three chances to play in the first round and I can have a better chance of winning it. But I think I'm bad at puzzles. I didn't think it through that hard I think I got excited to play a challenge but whatever I'll probably win the advantage then in a few weeks win the whole game anyways see u later.

SO its the morning after the premiere!! Everyone's settled in!! and I kinda don't know how to feel?? Overall the premiere was kinda quiet, nothing happened worth noting tbh. Everyone on the tribe showed up, so thats good, but i think we're all just feeling each other out at the moment as for the people on my tribe! everyone seems chill but also i can't put my finger on it but SOMEHOW this tribe radiates chaotic energy. I don't know HOW or WHY but I just know it DOES. The way we're interacting in the tribe chat it seems like there's a very wide range of personalities and vibes. They're either gonna complement each other or clash, and I guess we're just gonna have to wait to find out which one!!! here are my quick night 1 first impressions that no one asked for :) Anastasia - she showed up kinda late bc she had life happening, understandable. BUT she kinda just jumped right in and started vibing with everyone!! so I think she's gonna be a strong social player. I talked to her and she seems really funny, I think I might really get close with her if I'm able to talk to her more Babs - IF our tribe does end up being chaotic, it's going to be because of Babs. They're definitely the most talkative and prominent person on the tribe, but I think they might come off as messy to others. they're really funny though!! so again I can see myself wanting to work with them if I can get to know them more. They are the biggest question mark on the tribe for me currently Elle - AH. I LOVE THEM ALREADY. Within minutes of us talking they mentioned Dylan and then I found out that they're DATING and I was SCREECHING. cutest shit i've ever heard. I'm so excited to meet and play with them. Dylan is one of my fave people in the org community so ofc I wanna get to know Elle and connect with them as well!! Jay - I think Jay seems like just a very genuine open person?? Like we talked for quite a while yesterday just about games and he was asking me questions about my experience with them and all that. idk if it's because he sees me as a threat or if its because he just actually wanted to get to know me. He lowkey gives me heterosexual vibes and idk if thats true or not but idk how to bring it up. but I def wanna keep talking to him and getting to know him!! I think he might be someone I can form a genuine friendship with Jennifer - kinda have no opinion so far. I think shes the quietest on the tribe. at least for me I didn't get the chance to hear from her much. kinda gives catfish vibes. kinda gives early boot vibes. idk. we'll see what happens!

Not too much yet tbh. Just finding my footing. People are loving my energy so hopefully they’ll keep me around

So i realized Amy is runner up from the season before mine in another org and so we connected over that... of course we are not going to tell anyone else but we did have that going for us to get started. brayden is only 16 but he told me he loves magic and wanted to learn more about it so i told him id teach him some stuff! dennis and i called and connected well BUT hes kinda playing SUPER hard and wanting to throw challenges already to vote people out.. this has never worked out for anybody!! josh is cool, he works at a grocery store so he's gonna kill the "b" challenge. ginnifer has been the most MIA but i have faith that we'll work together well for the popularity contest. yall know i cant play the reverse flirt game i so badly want to coin, but i do have romance tea for yall tomorrow. stay tuned........

Jay and I talked last night so i guess we're best friends. We decided to make an alliance and try to get Elle in it. But everyone has been pretty inactive besides Jay and Collin. I've only slightly talked to Jessica this whole game and Babs hasn't even said one thing to me and I texted them hi. And apperently Babs has left Jay on opened too so they might just suck at talking right now. Hopefully Babs will talk to me they seem so funny and cool D:

I won endurance 👑!!!! Hopefully the fools tribe wins this!!!! I played against Jennifer and Dennis. I could see myself playing with Dennis down the line if we merge. I haven’t talked to anyone but Moth. So I messaged my whole tribe Introducing myself. Hopefully things work out for me! 

Thoughts after the first 24hrs: https://youtu.be/I62bDSzgf68

You hear something ??? Same. Why is my tribe so quiet 😂😂😂😂 I’m trying to read off the vibes but I see nothing. 

I really love my tribe and the fact that they don’t know I played last season is a good strategy to play on my end

tbh i wish we lost i wanted to go to tribal and vote one of these people out :(

Welp we got second place in the first challenge :| which isn't bad!! But it's not first place 😂😂. But I had a fun day taking pictures so whateverssss. I said I would be chaotic in this game but the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet... Guess we'll have to wait and see✨

I think at this point, my team is shady and won't say anything to me so I am nervous.

The challenges were way harder than I thought. I didn't do well at all and let my tribe down. I feel like I will be the first to get voted out if we have a tribal hearing.

We lost yay. I had a feeling. Hopefully the tribe will keep me around for now since I won endurance.... lhsisowjshwowpwpwheowowhfiwpqpqpjw. Jared thinks we can vote Bri out. Which I’m fine with, I haven’t really talked to her at all. Jared and I are going to message the others and see where everyone’s head is at. Honestly I don’t care who goes home as long as I’m safe. Everyone is quiet which is so annoying. Blahhhhhhhhhh 

Well it’s my 3rd time playing and it’s not off to the best start, no one seems to be talking to anyone. And we lost meaning we are going to tribal council. So fuck- I have no idea what about to happen. I’m just hoping it’s not me or Jess

if i must confess, my strategy is to have a 4-3-2 alliance. i need a 4 to have a majority, but i dont have a 4 yet. within the 4, theres a three person alliance w me jodi and amy, but within that three i believe that the core 2 is myself and jodi. i really dont care who the 4th is. i like having jodi and amy as an alliance because theyre both doing wayy too much which is great for me :) i dont think any of these people have idols but who knows. i would love to throw the next immunity i wanna go to tribal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looks like we’ve got something good. We’ve got an alliance that’s set to (hopefully) vote out bri due to inactivity. Let’s just pray it works

~

Trying to talk in this tribe is so difficult In both my other seasons I was pretty quiet all the time It is like that x10000 I was hoping to stay under the radar but that doesn’t work if no one talks at all I suppose it depends on if I’m being played or if everyone just doesn’t talk. I think there’s a plan. Let’s hope it goes well 

OKAY SO. Moth, Jared and I have a little alliance going on. We are set on voting out Bri. I just talked to Danny and Shaad and they are down with voting Bri out. I have high hopes that I’ll be safe at tribal. 

Better communication.. in sticking with that fact, our communication in my team could be better and we need to put more effort into what we do, I believe in us!

https://youtu.be/595h7hmL6VY

The start to this game has been a freaking snails pace...it’s unbelievable to me that these people do not want to talk that much, especially when it’s a tribe of 6. Colin and I talk the most, I’ve gotten a decent amount out of Anastasia, and to me it feels like those 2 wants to work with me and I am fine with working with them. Usually in a larger group you want to figure out who you can work with long term and use the first few tribals to establish trust, I may throw that out the window since there’s only 5 other people on this tribe. My strategy needs to be who the hell can get me past these first few votes before a swap happens, and I feel like I can rely on Colin and Anastasia for that. I’d like to pull in Elle, because she’s the one who’s talked to me the most out of her, Babs, and Jennifer. Everyone seems nice, but it would be lovely if people would be more active. 

I’m enjoying the fact our tribe won the first challenge everyone is very nice I love it :)

This round has been pretty smooth sailing. I know the game will pick up eventually but for now, we are just going with the flow as a tribe

https://youtu.be/UZVzZ6d6GRU

~

ok so apparently ginnifer isn't famous. she's just a bit quiet and mysterious. ok with me, just gonna take a while because I'm a loud and outspoken person (and player). amy, dennis and I have an alliance called "fang gang" (it's really just 3 emojis of vampires) and we're going to run the premerge hopefully. I do like brayden a lot, and maybe I'll propose a 3 with him, amy and myself to have a solid 4 control the votes until a swap. round 1 not bad so far!

~~~

Edgics:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jodi: I believe Jodi is thriving on this tribe. She is very obviously a social player who picks up on the littlest details. I’m sure she can sniff out a plot if it comes down to it. However, Jodi is the plot. She is the leader of her tribe and is easily the most active person in the game at the moment. So long as she keeps a smile on her face and doesn’t overextend to do something messy, she will find that she will make it safely to merge. Allying with Amy could be dangerous however since Amy has stated she needs to be voted out before a certain date. This means that Jodi needs to socialize with other members of her tribe and get new allies before hers will inevitably be voted out of the game.

Amy: Even though she wants to get voted out, Amy has set herself up perfectly at Jodi’s side. She can take the heat off of herself using Jodi and is able to hide better than others. As always, her UTR game has come out to shine. She hasn’t had anyone call her out and even though Jodi has seen her play she is still able to gain her trust.

Josh: Doing so well in the challenge has earned Josh’s place here. He makes his worth known early and has a great personality as well. This makes him very safe for any early tribal councils as no one is going to want to take him out; they want him on their side. Similar to Amy, he just seems to be using an under the radar social game which he is executing well at the present moment. And, as the star of the challenge, he makes himself safe for future tribals before the swap. However, I do fear that this early impression of competition prowess will come back to haunt him if he makes it to the merge.

Dennis: I would put Dennis higher, but Jodi, his ally, already is suspicious of him. She seems to think of him as a bit of a sneak and, as the tribe leader, her opinions matter the most. It is good that he is able to be Jodi’s ally so she might stray away from voting him out. However, his desire to go to tribal and play the game so early may bite him in the butt later down the line. I can definitely see him being called out for trying to play too hard too fast. At the moment, he remains high because he seems to be decently social and no one except Jodi has sniffed him out.

Brayden: There’s not much to say on Brayden’s game. He doesn’t seem to have any allies, his challenge performance wasn’t as good as others on his tribe, and he is not in any alliances yet. This spells disaster for Brayden if his tribe goes to consecutive tribal councils. Additionally, even though he was one of the few to play in the Hunt, he didn’t win and wasn’t even close to doing so. He even gave up part way through to do the immunity challenge. I would be saving them if I were Brayden, but hindsight is 20/20. If Brayden can squeeze into being the fourth of the Jodi, Amy, Dennis alliance instead of Josh then maybe his game forecast will be better.

Ginnifer: The thing that lands Ginnifer on the bottom is that she said that her tribe could vote her out if they lost the challenge. This primes people to already be willing to get rid of her in this game. Additionally, some people have expressed difficulty with talking to Ginny such as Jodi and Amy. The former still wants to give Ginny a try at being an ally while the latter was ready to vote her out if necessary. Ginny just needs to pick up social steam and outperform in the next comp if she’s going to have longevity in this game.

Fools

Jessica: In lieu of a clear leader, Jessica has stepped up as she started the first alliance on her tribe with Moth and Jared. No doubt, Jessica’s prior relationship with Moth helped facilitate. Additionally, this seems to paint them as the “active” members of this not active tribe. Therefore, it will be very easy for Jessica to dictate votes without getting labelled as a threat since her tribe is not active enough to do so. I can definitely see her leaning on Moth as a crutch, but for now she is the topdog of her tribe. Especially so since she was the only member of her tribe to win a challenge in Divide and Conquer.

Moth: As Jessica’s right-hand person, Moth is a secure spot. It also helped that they have played this game before and is on a not active tribe. This vibes well with Moth’s gameplay style since they aren’t a social powerhouse like Jodi or Colin. Instead, she keeps it more lowkey which makes this tribe in particular a great tribe for her to thrive in.

Jared: While he hasn’t provided a confessional yet, it’s clear he’s positioned himself well with Moth and Jessica. As the topdogs of the tribe, they are key people to get in with. Besides that, he seems to be a little more active than some others, but there’s not much else to say as of right now.

Danny/Shaad: Him and Shaad can trade spots on this ranking because they are playing similar games at the moment. They are both quiet and inactive, yet are not part of the core alliance of this tribe. This could spell danger for them in upcoming tribal councils if they don’t start working on people now. They seem to be safe for now based solely on Bri’s inactivity, but, otherwise, they need to pick up their socio-strategic game before it is too late.

Bri: She seems to be the most likely person to get voted out. She was not online at all for the first two days of the game and has since remained inactive. She is easy pickings for the top 3 of this tribe which really hurts my heart. I know her in real life and she is very sociable and easy to get along with. I have no doubt that in a real life game of Survivor or Big Brother, she would kill the social game.

S.E.E.S.

Colin: Similar to Jodi, Colin is the most social person on his tribe at the moment. However, unlike Jodi, he has not taken a leader position which works to his benefit. Despite being social, Colin has been able to slip under the radar of most people with a lot of them wanting to work with him. Colin is easily going to survive until the swap, but I will caution him from getting too many allies too quickly. This tribe in particular has a wildcard willing to blow things like that up so he needs to be careful.

Elle: Similar to her previous games, Elle plays an extraordinary social game and becomes very well-liked very easily. They have no problem fitting into any situation and I foresee them making it far if they gain the right allies. What puts her at number 2 as opposed to number 1 is that she hasn’t made any strategic comments yet. Instead, she is focusing on a social game which is not a bad thing. Colin has just shown more of his gameplay in these rounds.

Anastasia: Anastasia, despite being late to the premiere, has been able to socialize with key people such as Colin and Jay. Her prior connection with Elle has also sparked an interest in Colin in working with the two of them as an alliance. Overall, her and Elle sort of share the 2 and 3 spot since they are both well-liked, did well in the challenge, and are prime allies for Colin whose word will feel like law if this tribe ever goes to tribal.

Jay: Jay is neither here nor there. He isn’t in the bottom, but he is not calling the shots either. It is good that Colin wants him as his number 1 and that Anastasia likes him. Out of the three outside of this potential Elle, Colin, Anastasia alliance, he seems like he will be most likely to be saved until a swap occurs. His calls with people have certainly been helping with that as people are able to bond more with him through there. His activity could use work, but he doesn’t need to be active if he’s liked.

Babs: With another Jodi comparison, Babs has taken the leadership position of their tribe. However, they are not as social and, in fact, considered a big threat since they are so willing to talk freely and openly in the tribe chat. Their gameplay is going to be Messy, and people have already pointed that out, making them a clear target if this tribe goes to tribal council. Despite that, they aren’t at the bottom since some people, like Colin, have expressed interest in working with that kind of player as a sort of shield. If Babs were to tone it down and be more social with people (another problem with their game), they may be able to crawl up these rankings.

Jennifer: Sadly I have to put another phonetic Jennifer at the bottom. She did the worst in the challenge across her tribe and isn’t active either. For this round, it seems she would be the easy vote if this tribe had gone to tribal. She needs to start being more social and be more of a presence in people’s minds.

[blackgirlblues]

Being A Black Girl: And Chasing Your Dreams.. Yikes.

Hi, 

It’s me, your resident black girl back with some new shit to rant about. I’ve been posting a few screenshots of short poems and paragraphs I’ve been writing on my phone as a way to heal and get over Capricorn boy from my last post on here and I see you guys like and reblog. Thank you for showing love, although it makes me sad that so many of you seem to be going through the same range of emotions I am. I’m sorry. 

I know it’s a lonely place to be in. 

But, on the bright side, I’ve got a lot of new followers joining the diary/manual/rant page that is blackgirlology and it’s nice cause I think it’s becoming a little bit of a community. So, in a way, were never really going through any of these emotions alone. If you’ve found this page-you’re part of a community. Bask in it. 

Anyways, that aside, a lot has happened since I last spoke to you. I don’t know if any of you may remember, and for some new people this will be a surprise. But I’m actually a singer songwriter from Ireland. Moved to London a year and a half ago to pursue my music dream and that’s how I met Capricorn boy whos been the source of all my poems. 

Throughout this time in between, I’ve been trying to chase my dreams, and chase them relentlessly. and this summer i did just that, let me tell you, what im about to tell you guys, is to put it simply, wild. I’ll just cut to the chase. 

It all started in July. I’d been in London for quite a long time now, over a year and now have a manager who’s my best friend first and foremost. We’ll call her Maya. I met her in my first week of moving to London in the student halls I was staying at and we became best friends pretty quick. She studies music business, so it made sense and she just naturally ended up taking up the role as my music manager. Shes seen everything. The songs I wrote about Capricorn boy, the tears, everything. And she saw everything this summer. 

I saw an ad for a record label opportunity in London. It was advertised on my university facebook page; a new indie label, looking for demo submissions for a competition they were setting up to find their new signee. I sent a screenshot to Maya who agreed I should send my stuff in. I did, they liked it, I got a meeting, we were sent terms and conditions for the competition. We signed it, the rest was supposed to be history. 

Big yikes. 

There’s so many layers to this story that I will be shortening it, just because it can get very draining for me to talk about or even write about. I’ve healed from it i think, but I still want to put it here and write it about to finally close that chapter and be done with my feelings about what happened to me and my music. 

Basically, the whole competition, the record label, the dickhead CEO, it was all a scam. I had accidentally signed away the master rights to my new song to a record label started by a fake CEO who was committing fraud and known for tricking young artists into handing over their master rights so he could profit off of them, for power. 

It was a mess. Another contestant told me and Maya when we were outside of their office. Just minutes before we were under the impression that I was doing an interview for Billboard Magazine. Honestly, I never truly believed it. Shit was too good to be true. 

But she told us everything. How he was actually a run away from Spain, where he was caught and exposed for doing the exact same thing to artists there, how he didn’t have any money to fund the competition he had somehow roped all of us into, how he was illegally avoiding paying his team, how none of the creatives we had collaborated with for photoshoots etc were paid, how everything was a lie, how he didnt have any connections, and how he was trying to convince me specifically to sign a 360 deal with his label. 

Which, guys, I’m not stupid. After the first week of being with the label for the competition and letting my song live through their disastrous marketing campaign, Maya and I long decided that regardless of what they said, I would not under any circumstances be signing anything with any entity of their company. 

After being told the truth, I had to sit down. You see, when I came across this opportunity, I thought this was finally the life I’d been manifesting coming true. I had begun to grow in my spirituality and start journaling, writing down my manifestations, and getting to work with a record label who would later offer me a fair contract before I turn 20 was one of the manifestations I had written down every night before I went to bed. However, what I’d gotten was the exact opposite. 

I remember, me, Maya, and 2 of the girls from the competition all stood around in a circle outside of their new office that the CEO also hadnt paid for wondering what our next move would be with this new information. There was still 2 other contestants inside who had no idea what was really going on was an elaborate scam. One of them wanted to go in and expose them on the spot. I said no, we had to go in and pretend like everything was normal until we figured out what to do afterwards. 

So in I went, plastering the fakest smile on my face and pretended like I still thought I was about to be speaking with Billboard Magazine. Once I got out, I broke down in Maya’s arms. 

I went home to my flatmates, Ellie and Bea and cried for hours before I had to go work a 7 hour shift at a pizza place. 

I stayed in bed, and cried, and cried. and cried again. I didn’t get out of bed unless I needed too. The only people I talked too were my flatmates E and B and Maya. 

Everything was sorted out eventually, a lot more happened, but as I’ve been writing this article for you guys, I realised that all of that stuff is no longer relevant to my journey and isnt something I want to bring back into my energetic circle because I’ve made peace with the fact that a lot of people who betrayed me when I was at my lowest, peace with the fact that these contestants who wanted to “work together” to get out of this mess, actually wanted to save their own asses and leave me in the cold. 

But I still got out of it and I’m still here. 

I nearly got sued by a man with less than 20 pound to his company account online, but hey, I’m here.

I guess why I’m telling you guys this really short account of my summer is to both record it for myself but also to say its okay to flop, its okay to fail. I did both this summer. and thank god i did. it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

following your dreams is scary, doing it as a black girl is terrifying because society has already kind of set you up to fail. there’s already misconceptions about what you do, who you are, where you come from and how good you’re going to be at what you do. its almost like we cant fail and we need to work 10 times harder to obtain half of what the average white person will get. and sometimes it can feel like we dont have any space to fail or make mistakes because of this but let me tell you thats not true. 

if anything, the universe will put you in places that will force you to grow through the mistakes you make. and thats exactly what happened to me this summer. 

i chased my dream so relentlessly i ended up in an environment i thought i manifested, i thought was good for me, only for the universe to show me that that specific environment i’d been wishing to be in is the furthest from what i need right now in my life. 

this so called failure showed me that not everybody who smiles can be trusted, and that people can be way more deceiving than i ever thought, especially when push comes to shove and they need to save themselves. you start to see the real them when it starts to get tense. the people who seem to be around you when you’re doing good will most likely dissapear when things start to go south, including some of your oldest friends. you will get radio silence on their end. be upset. cry. but after that be glad that this situation revealed their true colours. 

and then never put any more energy into them again. 

this failure showed me how fucking strong i am. how resilient and kind i am even in the face of disrespect and actual evil. it showed me how much i can care for someone who i believe is at a risk of losing it all, and showed me that this will not always be reciprocated. and for a while i thought that meant that i had to harden myself up and grow a shell. but i dont think so. i will not allow the things ive been through to make me into a hard person when i was born soft. i mean now, im a little rough around the edges, jagged enough to cut anyone who comes too close with some of that bad energy, but soft enough to hold myself tight and glue myself back together when i need to. soft enough to hold the people who held me this summer. soft enough to help people who i know deserve it. 

im a good person in a shitty world, i don’t need to match the world and become a shitty person to survive. 

after all of this happened, i stopped writing music. 

i haven’t written anything properly or produced anything in months and sometimes i get worried that ive completely lost my talent. but thats another thing that this failure taught me, i can never truly lose whats meant to be mine. i know that i was put on this earth to create change, to inspire, to be an activist and a voice for people who dont have one. i know i was put here to do it through a creative medium and right now i still think that is music. 

i think i just need to stop being so scared to start again, to learn my craft again.

i used to be so scared of failure but now i am so thankful for it and the lessons its taught me. i had so much hurt and pain and hatred in my heart for the universe for, in my head, doing this to me. but then i realised that the universe never does anything to you, it does it for you. all of this happened in my best interest and while i definitely didnt understand at the time, i get it now.

thank you universe for the worst summer of my life. 

and my black ass will be continuing to chase my dreams relentlessly, failing, tripping and falling on my ass until i get to the very top. 

besides, if everything had just gone right, that wouldnt have been very interesting, would it?

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Can I request a story about a girl that runs away from home angst angst angst! And then meets Andy and Bill but Bill has a gf but fights with her and he hits on the girl and maybe they even hook up but Bill is seen with his gf again and the girl feels stupid.... angst and smut and fluff. This might be like too much for one drabble. You are a 👸 and I 💕❤️😍🥰.

Gif is @godfreysteel

This is a really involved request so I’m breaking it into 2 parts. Here’s PART 1.....

Randi has been my best friend since Junior High. We had been attached at the hip, right up to a little over a year ago, when her Aunt died and left her a house in Hollywood. She moved out there, begging me to come but I had a perfect boyfriend that begged me not to go, and since he was a new doctor, it wasn't as easy to move for him. As soon as Randi left, he insisted I move in with him since he was worried about me living alone and my lease was up. He had such a pretty house it was tempting, but i still was hesitant. He said he understood and just loved me so much that he worried. I was actually very flattered he held me in such high regard. He was a gorgeous wealthy doctor, from a prominent family, and I was nothing special.

When he bought me an Afghan Hound puppy I named Danger, I was overjoyed. Since my apartments didn't allow dogs and he was hardly ever home to keep Danger company, it was only logical to move to his home. I didn’t think twice about it. And he was being so accomodating and enthusiastic, I couldn’t help but get affected by it. He told me to donate all my old stuff, and we’d get all new stuff together to start our new life. He was from a really rich family, so money was not an issue for him. He actually called it a non-issue, which as time progressed I learned was his way of saying it wasn't up for discussion.

Non-issues could be positive or negative talking points where he had made the decision for us. Most of the time, they benefited me, or appeared to be for my best interest. For instance; my job.

I actually had met my boyfriend at my job. I worked at a gym checking people in, but considering our turn over, I was often called in to cover or train new hires. His time was limited and he felt very strongly about spending what little free time he had together. The entire month, I’d been forced to come in for one reason or another, and although he made it clear his displeasure, he still surprised me with a wonderful 1 year anniversary gift of two weeks in Hawaii. I was so excited to go until my job informed me it wasn’t possible. When I told my boyfriend the news, he told me to give notice and I could find something else when we returned. It was a bit crazy and irresponsible, but I threw caution to the wind and he was so happy I had chosen him. The trip also made me miss my first week of school, but my boyfriend said that a little time off wouldn’t kill me and I had thought he was kidding and enrolled anyway, willing to just make up my lost week. Not having a job or any bills, would make it that much easier to catch up on.

For the first time in my life, I felt like I had someone that was truly in my corner. My friends thought I was the luckiest girl in the world and even I felt like it was insane, driving up to my huge home on a golf course, that I had decorated with my doctor boyfriends money. The fact he looked like a model only made it that much more surreal, eventhough he was a bit intense. Intense might be the wrong word. Possessive maybe? But I didn’t think of it as a negative, more as a flattering positive trait.

He worries about me, and liked to always be in contact with me. Since he was often in surgery or unable to answer the phone, it was imperative I answered when he called. When he called while I was in class, I knew he’d be upset I ignored his call, but I was sure he’d be ok once I was out and explained why I pressed send to voicemail.

As soon as I got out, I tried to call him repeatedly, but got no answer. This wasn’t entirely unusual, although most Monday’s, he was more readily available since only emergency surgeries happened mondays. I was shocked when I arrived home and found his Range Rover home. The front door was open ajar so I parked behind him and wandered inside. I wasn’t ready for what I’d find.

It looked as though we had been robbed. Furniture was thrown about, the 75” flat screen had been pushed over and smashed. Several decorative items were smashed to pieces. The more I looked around though, the more clear it became that nothing was missing. Just broken. We’d been vandalized!

My poor baby Danger was hiding under the dining room table and upon realizing I had entered, was overjoyed to see me. I bent down and embraced him, giving him ear scratches and loving on him thankful he was unharmed. Things could be replaced, but not your loved ones.

I looked up to see my boyfriend storm out of the office.

”thats fucking rich! You greet the dog before me.” he spat.

”what happened here?” I asked cautiously, slowly rising to my feet to give him a hug and a kiss. He was acting rather aggressively but I was sure he felt violated in a way, by someone coming in our home and destroying it.

”YOU FUCKING HAPPENED TO ME YOU FUCKING WHORE! I AM NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU? YOU CANT JUST BE HAPPY WITH ME? YOU THINK I DONT KNOW WHY YOU WENT BACK TO SCHOOL?” he screamed at me.

I froze. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know where this was coming from and he was looking at me like he expected an answer. When I didn't answer he grabbed a lamp and threw it against the wall, and then made a beeline straight for me. I still was in shock so I just stood there, staring dumbly, expecting to get slapped or pushed, when I heard a low growl.

My skinny little brave Danger was standing between me and my boyfriend, trying to protect me. My boyfriend froze, looked down and started to laugh like a maniac. This reaction was far more unsettling than it sounds, and Danger and I grew more restless if that's possible. I all of a sudden had an overwhelming urge to get out of there. I wasn’t concerned or interested in trying to understand my boyfriends words or behavior, I just wanted to be away from him.

”I’m gonna go. Come on Danger, ” I said as I slowly backed away. I didn't want Danger to bite him, or get kicked or something, and make an already volatile situation even worse.

”Hang on, just a moment. Can you answer me one question before you walk out of my life?” he asked me in a tone I’d never heard, dripping with sarcasm.

Normally I'd say you already asked it, but I didn't feel now was the time for jokes. I desperately wanted to leave but I wasn’t an idiot, and knew that playing along with an obviously bat shit ass crazy person, was safer than pissing them off more.

“Go ahead.”

”Do you know what the best thing about being a doctor is?”

I wasn't expecting that question and almost automatically answered with ”saving lives.”

He chuckled darkly, sending a chill up my spine. How was this the same man? How had I missed the potential lunatic that obviously was just beneath the surface? Lost in thought, I cried out when he suddenly lunged forward and seized Danger. Danger yelped, followed by the most awful crunching sound I’ll never forget. Dangers gangly little body, instantly fell limply to the ground and all I could do was stare in utter horror.

I looked up into his eyes and I didn’t even know who I was looking at. This was just incomprehensible to me. My mind kept spinning in circles, unable to grasp the situation at hand.

My boyfriend stepped over Dangers lifeless body and pulled me into a tight embrace. He sniffed my hair and growled in my ear, before biting me on my neck hard. I cried out and He chuckled before grabbing me by my hair, and dragging me in the restroom, where he made me flush my birth control pills.

“You’re going to marry me and be my perfect little housewife, and never hurt me again.” He cooed in my ear.

When I didn’t say anything he grabbed my chin and forced me to look up at him. I couldn’t get what he’d done to Danger out of my head and was terrified. He could see it in my eyes, but the look of concern and empathy he gave me made me want to scream. “I love that idea. I’m just sad about Danger.”

In reality, I wanted to vomit, but I let him lead me to the bed to lie down, trying to think of any way to escape. I was convinced I really would vomit if he tried to fuck me. He kissed me gently on the forehead and breathed a huge sigh.

“Will you feel better if I do something with the body? I promise to get you whatever dog you want to replace him, but with us about to have a family, we can’t have an aggressive dog. You understand right baby?”

I nod as he rubs my cheek, looking in my eyes adoringly. He tells me to sit tight while he takes care of Danger, and he’ll be right back.

I wait a beat and peer downstairs at him and watch as he puts Danger into a big black trash bag, and I wait till he goes into the garage before running downstairs. I didn’t care about any of my belongings, I just needed to get to my car.

I grabbed my purse, and I ran. I got in my car and pulled away just as he was running out trying to open my door. Thank God it lockswhen you put it into Drive. I drove off watching him in the rearview mirror running back inside. My phone started blowing up, and I became aware of location capabilities with cell phones so I threw it out the window. Looking back, that was a bit overzealous, but I was terrified.

Somehow I found myself on the highway and didn't stop till I reached Hollywood. I'd been to the house before, and thank goodness by the grace of God remembered how to get to Randi.

I told her everything and she insisted that I was home. She’d just been hired for a big horror film and she said I could be her assistant. She was supposed to meet the director the following morning and shed just bring me along, to introduce us. She was positive he’d hire me on too, so I was amped.

When she told me it was filming in Canada, I was even more enthusiastic. My ex knew Randi lived in Hollywood, so going away a few months to another country was ideal. That way when he inevitably went looking for me, he wouldn't be able to find me, and hopefully would give up.

The next morning Randi shared all her things with me to get ready. We are the same size shoe and since we are both thin, I can fit in her clothing for the most part. I’m taller and bustier, but for the most part, we can share.

I’m not very high maintenance, so the extent of my beauty routine is shower, brush my hair, light make up, and a spray of body spray or something, and I’m good. Randi said I could have a maxi dress since it had always been too long for her to wear, and was too form fitting for her taste.

I was surprised how close we were to the studios, and arrived in no time. Security gave us a little map and instructed us how to get to where we were supposed to go. I had never been to a movie studio, so I was as bad as a tourist looking around. We arrived at the proper building to find a photo shoot underway.

“There he is.” Randi said, pointing out a tall dark haired gentlemen in his late thirties, early forties, having an obvious problem with something. He turned and saw us and did a double take. He made a beeline for us with an enormous smile eventhough you could tell he was having a bad day. I liked him right away.

“Today has been a disaster, we have done all we can do without the model. She’s an hour late! Bill has limited time in LA, and it’s not like the man doesn’t have obligations.” He ranted at no one in particular.

I nodded with a sympathetic look on my face, although I had no idea who Bill was.

“Who have you brought us Randi?”

“Andy this is my best friend Liv. Liv this is our new boss, Andy. And this is a photo shoot for a magazine to promote Something Bill is doing, and Andy is his best friend so he’s here to complain.” Randi teased.

“I’m also good friends with the photographer and we are supposed to have lunch after this. Can you excuse me? Do not move. I’m serious.” Andy said and then rushed away

“He couldnt take his eyes off you! He’s not usually so obvious. He’s usually the most chill guy,” Randi mused.

“He’s just stressed out and I mean maybe I look familiar.” I guessed.

“Oh sure. It has nothing to do with being a living breathing Barbie. Old school big titty Barbie.” Randi chuckled.

Andy and a petite lady hussled over to us, and the lady grabbed me by my face and pulled me down to examine my features. She smiled and turned to Andy happily.

“Oh meu deus Andy! Como você encontrou um em tão pouco tempo? Ela é ainda melhor que a falecida! Ela é exatamente o que eu imaginava. ela é a mesma taxa? diga a ela para se preparar.” She tapped her wrist and rushed off.

“What just happened?” I asked.

“I hope you don’t mind, but you’re first job is right now. She said you were exactly what she envisioned for this shoot, and you need to go to hair and make up immediately.” Andy pleaded, putting his hands together in a prayer pose.

“WHAT? Oh no! I’m not a model. I never want to be famous.” as my stomach did backflips and I felt like the air had left the room.

“That’s something you don’t hear very often in this town but It pays $7500 and I’d owe you one.”

“$7500 to take a couple pictures? I’m wearing clothes right?” I have no desire to be in this industry, but I wasn’t crazy either! As long as I’m not naked, I’m game.

Andy let out a whole hearted laugh, “you’re wearing a gown even. Not that type of party. And you’re taking pictures with the star of the movie you’ll be working on with us. You did want to be Randi’s assistant correct?

I nodded vigorously, and got a thumbs up from Randi. Everything was falling into place! ”lead the way then sir!”

His face lit up and he led the way over to a room that had more make up in it then I’d ever seen. As soon as I walked in, three people pounced on me. One attacked my hair, saying they needed to straighten it, although it was straight. They set to work, raving about they could not believe I had so much hair, and that I was an actual natural blonde. When I told them I was growing it long to donate to cancer kids, they nearly fell over.

“Do you know how much thick natural blonde hair that reaches the lower back is worth?” The hairstylist exclaimed. “And your hair is silky and healthy, girl keep it.”

“I’ll just grow more. No biggie.”

“I think that’s very nice. Good for you, people should be so kind.” The girl working on my nails said, smiling warmly up at me.

“I can’t wait to see where your career goes!” The gentleman doing my make up surmised. “You are a true natural beauty.”

“I’m not doing any more of these. I don’t want to be famous, I just am doing it for Andy.” They all looked at me skeptically, but set to getting me where the photographer needed me to be. As the time pressed on, I could feel my self nodding off, but suddenly movement caught my eye. I couldn’t turn my head, but noticed a gorgeous man glaring at me in the mirror. I wasn’t sure how long he’d been there.

“If It were up to me, you’d never work again. Do you have anything to say for your disrespect?” The tall, statuesque man, with strikingly handsome facial features, and the greenest eyes I’d ever seen sneered.

”I literally just got hired forty five minutes ago and have no issue with never modeling again anyways. I'm doing this as a favor, for my new boss. Thanks for being a dick tho. Everyone has been such a joy, I was starting to think Hollywood had a bad rep for nothing.”

Everyone in the room was silent and all looked to the man for a reply.

”whos your new boss?” he inquired.

”I don’t feel comfortable giving his name to strange men, and since he’s a director it’ll sound like I’m name dropping and I’m not the type.” I said waving my hand dismissively.

He chuckled and rolled his bright green eyes. ”i think you're talking about my good friend Andy Muschetti. Does that sound right?”

”give this man a prize!” I joked. “Please don’t get me fired best friend. Are you Bill by chance?”

“You think I wear a tuxedo and bedazzle my face before i leave the house in the regular?” He asked incredulously.

I looked down at my lap so I didn't have to make eye contact with anyone.

I looked back up to the beautiful man, but he’d disappeared. I wasn’t surprised he was kind of an ass. Gorgeous men often are, I just hoped he wasn’t going to go talk shit.

A short time later they were done and had me put on a Zuhair Murad dress that was was worth more than my car. It was a beautiful charcoal velvet that looked like it’d been custom made for me. I couldn’t believe how awesome I looked, and ran out to find Randi, only being allowed to wave before they lead me to take my solo shots.

I looked around for the beautiful man, and found him standing next to a brunette woman, having a tense conversation, that was very quickly turning into an argument. He was trying to keep her calm, but she was not happy in the least, and I gasped when she struck him. Embarrassed, I put my full attention on the person translating instructions from the photographer, refusing to look back over at them, even as they began yelling at each other in some strange language. Did no one speak English here? He stormed outside with the woman hot on his trail.

“Ok someone go find Bill, we are just about ready for him.” My translator yelled, and I saw Andy and Randi, briskly walk outside to find him.

I felt kinda bad for snapping at him. I was going to be as nice as possible to him. Maybe I had judged him too harshly.

“Perfect honey! Sad confused, not sure look honey! Yes!” Several more people had shown up and were all talking about me like I wasn’t there.

Bill walked up looking like he’d rather be anywhere else, and looked down his cute little button nose at me. I know he was trying to be stuck up, but he was so fucking cute, I just wanted to boop his nose.

“Where do you want me?” He huffed.

“I need you to come up behind her, and embrace her around the waist, with one hand by her face. Sweetie you stand sideways with your back to Bill and look up arching your back a bit.” We were told as we got in our places. He was humming some unidentifiable tune in my ear. I was trying not to think about his hand on my waist, or his hot breath on my neck. I wasn’t sure if the bright lights were the only thing making me sweat.

“Touch up! They’re sweating!” Someone shouted.

“Do I make you sweat princess?” Bill growled.

“No.” I squeaked.

He firmly pulled me against him and when he felt me stiffen up, he chuckled mischievously.

I moaned sexually, causing him to sputter and cough a bit. I turned around grinning ear to ear. “Don’t start no stuff, won’t be no stuff.” I said playfully. I normally am not so confident, but his semi inappropriate behavior and the way he looked at me made me feel strange. Good strange I was pretty sure. He didn’t break our eye contact for far longer than was polite, before taking some hair and tucking it behind my ear tenderly.

“Bill stop giving this poor girl goosebumps! My Lord! And I’m not sure if you guys are aware of how obvious a moment you guys are having in front of all these people. One of them being your crazy girlfriend Bill.” He said as he touched us up. “I mean you’re both some of the most attractive people I’ve ever seen so I can’t blame either one of you, but thought I’d let you know.”

“It’s not me, its all the people staring at how gorgeous she is,” Bill scoffed.

“I doubt your girlfriend likes how you’re looking at her either. Normally I’d stay out of it, but you’re good people Bill, and I keeps it real with my people.”

“I told her it’s over, didn’t you hear us a few minutes ago?” He sneered. He winked and walked away.

“What a weird guy,” I mused aloud.

“Gorgeous though right? Every girl that meets him wants to fuck him but he’s always had a girlfriend. I’ve seen them fight a few times, but today is the first time he’s ever yelled. They’re Swedish so I don’t think they yell very often. ”

“I just got out of a terrible relationship yesterday so I feel his pain.”

“I’ve worked with him for years and have never seen him give anyone a second glance and yet today he can’t take his eyes off you.” He smirked.

“I’ve destroyed my lungs proficiently, she looks perfect, if you could just give me the once over, we can be done before lunch.” Bill said as he walked towards us. He plopped down in the chair beside me and squeezed my hand. “Please forgive my behavior up until now. It’s been a stressful day and flirting has never been my strong suit.”

I looked at him and he appeared to be sincere. I smiled weakly and told him I hadn’t even thought he’d been out of line. He’d put some space in between us when we returned to shooting, and was exceedingly respectful and careful. One of The last shots, they wanted me to be on my knees in front of him, reaching my hands up looking to the side, putting my face right against his crotch.

“I apologize in advance,” he drawled. At first I was confused why he was apologizing, but it became all too clear, the longer my face was pressed to his growing bulge. He shifted uncomfortably, and looked down at me as tho he was in pain. I mouthed the words ‘it’s ok’ and smiled up at him and that seemed to help him a great deal, although not so far as tame his prominent erection. I was actually firmly pressing my face against it now, to save him the embarrassment of his issue, and assuring we don’t have to stretch this out longer than needed. I’m sure It was all very artistic looking but it was hard not to laugh at how not artistic it felt. I looked to Randi, she was smiling with two thumbs up, blissfully unaware that I was battling Bills dick.

“Okay! The final shot is going to be her standing facing Bill but twisting her upper body away, facing the other way, while Bill I need you to press your body into hers with one hand at her chin with your thumb on her lower lip. Her eyes are closed and yours are fierce Bill. Determined but not angry.”

I felt my face heat up as we tried to do as we were instructed. This was all too much, I couldn’t help but giggle. I apologized and tried to look sexy again.

“No smiling honey. You’re a desirable sex goddess, and he wants you, but you know you shouldn’t.” The translator instructed passionately.

“It’s not too much of a stretch,” Bill said quietly so only I could hear. I felt my face flush and blush at the same time, if that’s even possible.

I heard that mischievous chuckle again, and it took all I had in me, not to knee him in his gut. I refused to look at him though. I don’t think I could handle it anyway. Far too much man-pretty had his body pressed against mine.

“Psst.”

I’m going to kill this guy. I’m not looking.

“Are you ignoring me?” He whispered.

“Ok so then I guess that’s a yes.” He hummed.

He was impossible. I’m trying to maintain bitch face and he’s asking dumb questions and making various sound effects! I must say tho, for just having a pretty public break up, he was in a good mood.

When it finally was over, and Bill and I set off to change our clothes and get some make up off, I was surprised to see they’d all left already. The make up I was wearing felt more like ear paint, and soap and water wasn’t having too much of an effect on it.

“You look so helpless, can I help you?” I turned to see Bill standing there looking at me like I was pitiful. “I have make up remover pads.”

“Oh my goodness thank you!” I smiled. “You’re my hero.”

“Can I?” He asked, referencing using the pads on my face.

“Sure.” I said, eventhough I wasn’t sure why he wanted to do it. He was so gentle, I closed my eyes and waited till I was sure he was done. Europeans have way different personal boundaries than Americans, so this was probably normal.

“What’s your name?”

“Liv.”

“What’s that short for?”

“Nothing. That’s my whole name.”

“Me too! I mean my name is Bill obviously but people always think it’s short for something but nope.” He chuckled. “You didn’t really even need any face make up. Your skin is flawless.i left your eye make up on but it looks pretty epic.”

I opened my eyes and we locked eyes for a moment, but Randi came bounding in the room, causing Bill to leap away from me. Randi didn’t appear to notice tho, as Andy and a few other people came in too.

“Everyone ready to eat. I insist that everyone let me buy them lunch at Morton’s.” Andy said.

Randi grabbed my hand and mouthed if I was ok, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. Ok maybe she had picked up on something. I looked at her like she was crazy, and avoided looking in Bills direction again.

“Let’s go eat! I’m famished!” I said.

“You girls are coming? Yay!” Andy said enthusiastically. “Most models aren’t big fans of food.”

“She eats whatever she wants and doesn’t go to the salon or have any work done. Just keep her fed and she’s beautiful and sweet. Try to starve her and she’s the definition of hangry.” Randi teased.

I laughed till my face hurt as she told everyone about a party in highschool where everyone brought their own booze, but I brought a gallon of milk and a pound of Oreos and actually finished them. Late that evening, everyone wanted Jack in the Box and since I was the only sober person, I got nominated to drive. It was pretty uneventful, until I turned to get everyone’s money and they were all nude. Randi did a perfect imitation of my total over reaction. Thank god she left out the part about me crying. I really thought we were going to get arrested and they refused to put their clothes back on, so I thought any minute I’d hear sirens. Luckily the drive thru people thought it was hilarious too.

We all made our way out to where everyone was parked, and found Bills girlfriend waiting there. As we pulled out, I looked back in time to see Bill march past her, climb in his car, leaving her standing alone in the parking lot yelling something after him.

“Did you see that? What’s their deal?” I asked Randi.

“Who?” She asked me.

“Bill and I guess that’s his ex-girlfriend or I don’t know...”

I look at Randi and she’s looking at me funny, “Are you crazy? You need a nice guy, he’s like foreign and he’s a celebrity. And I know you, you’re not a rebound type and both of you have no business looking at each other like you were.”

“Oh my gosh! I’m not even asking like that. Last thing I want is a guy!” I sulked. “Was it that obvious?”

“Mmmhmm.” She smiled knowingly.

“He’s around beautiful women all the time and probably has 9 million fan girls. It’s not like he’s gonna follow me in the bathroom or something.”

Randi looks at me doubtfully.

“Don’t look at me like that! If he does, I’ll kick him.”

“I’m kidding. Actors only go for girls that throw themselves at their feet. Their egos don’t allow the risk of rejection.”

“Perfect. I hate feet.”

[seirundevir-blog]

Seirun DeVir

The Basics ––– –

Age:  23.

Birthday: 3rd Sun of the 4th Umbral Moon (Leo).

Race: Hyur (Midlander).

Gender: Male.

Sexuality: Pansexual.

Marital Status: Omissis.

Physical Appearance ––– –

Hair: Light Brown.

Eyes: Dirty Green.

Height: Quite short even for a Midlander.

Build: Dry, Athletic.

Distinguishing Marks:  Apart from the stature and a rather youthful face there are no particular marks about his figure, at a first glance.

Common Accessories:  Gloves, that he appears to wear at all times and in any situation, usually fingerless. He generally has at least a small notepad and a stylus hidden somewhere on his person, and often carries a waterskin with him. Rarely seen unarmed.

Personal ––– –

Profession: Adventurer, of sorts; Odd jobs, Flames contractor; Meddler. 

Hobbies:  Studying Aether in its various forms and applications, reading, learning as much as possible about the world, learning about Magitek, gazing at the stars, travelling, exploring, making friends, tea drinking.

Residence: Limsa Lominsa / Ul’dah.

Birthplace: Omissis.

Religion: None.

Patron Deity: None?

Fears: Being powerless, finding himself in situations where he has no control, losing what he holds dear, his past.

Traits ––– -

* Bold your character’s answer.

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

Additional information ––– –

Smoking Habit: No.

Drugs: No.

Alcohol: Sometimes.

Socialite: Seirun is an extroverted, friendly hyur, always ready to lend a hand to those stumbling in his way (if it doesn’t cost him too much), and butting into situations and problems that are none of his business (often much to the irritation of the bystanders). He finds himself at ease in social situations, and his mannerism and vocabulary seems to flow and change with ease as the situation demands, from the most formal etiquette of noble gatherings to the tuggish and lowlife cant of the darkest corners of Ul’dah. He is quite opinionated, and hardly ever afraid to share his opinions with the world at large on all and every subject. Reserved on his past: He doesn’t often talk about his past, and if pressed tries to dodge questions and change topic as quickly as he can. It is quite difficult for him to open up about it, and will only do so with those he considers closest and most trustworthy. Endless Curiosity: He seems to posses an endless curiosity for the world and everything in it; demonstrating knowledge he does not posses is a sure way to get his attention... as well as countless questions.

RP Hooks ––– –

Ul’Dah Based - He is not quite a fixture of the city, but is nonetheless generally easy to find him around Ul’Dah, especially resting and trying to find someone to bombard with questions in and around the Quicksands, where most adventurers seem to converge.

Socialite - It is quite possible that, if there is a social event and he heard about it, the minute hyur could be found there, doing what he does best and trying to mingle and make acquaintances.

Aether study - He has an almost inextinguishable thirst for knowledge, especially about everything related to the Aether. Anyone offering knowledge in the field is sure to attract his attention, as well as his countless questions.

Flames Contractor, Adventurer - Although not quite an Immortal Flame as of yet he is an external contractor, often taking bounties and missions from the board, generally patrolling around Ul’dah. He could certainly be interested in more exotic and dangerous expeditions as well, should the opportunity present itself. 

Storyteller - Seirun adores making up and sharing stories. He will gladly partake in the activity with anyone that nudges him or displays the inclination.

Contact Information And OOC Notes ––– –

Message me on tumblr, or in game on Seirun Devir on Mateus. Thank you for checking out my character’s (muse?) blog! Is still a work in progress so do not be alarmed if it changes several times in the coming days (hopefully for the better). I am looking for all kinds of connections, contacts, RP partners and so on for Seirun, my little Hyur on Mateus. I prefer mature, dark themed and complex RP, but am open for anything really! I like coherent RP the most, I usually never decide what is supposed to happen to my characters in advance, I prefer to mold them around ideas and personalities and see where it brings them interacting with others. I am open to most ideas, including the death of my characters, as long as there is appropriate discussion and communication between the parties involved; I am not a fan of godmodding though, nor of godlike characters and the likes I am afraid, so perhaps that is something to keep in mind? Not sure. Anyway feel free to hit me up with anything, worst case scenario I will refuse a scene, but will make sure to give you at least the reasons! I am open to RP on Discord too if need be and we already established contact, but keep in mind I am from the EU (although I mostly live by american hours) and work 6 days a week. Now, a little something about myself. My name is Simone (don’t think about it too much, it’s just Simon, but in Italian), and I have been RPing on various formats for more than a good two decades. I have... a number of issues relating to people OOCly, ranging from personal problems that I have yet to work out. I have severe social anxiety and insecurities, as well as severe trust problems and... more. Please do not be offended if I keep my distance OOCly, I am just... not very socially able, unlike my toon. But I will try to reply and answer everything I can!

[magicalusuki]

progen dragon sharing, inspired by a post by @goannafr that ive had in my drafts since may 12th of this year! wow i am good at being late

varsha- custom progen

so the colors i chose for varsha.... well, i didnt choose them. which is fully. i was in school in the middle of a movie in health class, and id snuck onto my phone and made an fr account because the registration window was about to close and i was going to be busy the rest of the time it was open, or maybe i was just too impatient.

i didnt realize you could even change the colors of the dragon- i just chose the breed and my flight (wind), and actually moved to ice almost immediately after because wind was such an impulse decision. 

i actually hated her colors once i realized that i could have picked them myself, because i would have probably made a seafoam/rose dragon. but now i love her. it might have been cool if she at least had a different blue for the wings, so if i could remake her (and assume she got the same tert) i would give her storm wings. it brings out that gray tert in a really cool way and just makes her a biiit more interesting. i mean, look at that! it look great with her apparel, too.

i chose to make her a fae, because i though that they were cute. i didnt like any of the other starter breeds when i joined because i was a coward. i wanted the cutesiest dragons ever, which is funny considering now varsha is super badass

i had like... the vaguest clue of what fr was, because i was in the neopets community and a ton of the blogs i followed were into it, but i didnt really understand it in depth. fun fact! my original username was twinkling. 

exaltation

so when i first joined fr, from what i remember we had... very few tert options. i believe we had basic, crackle, underbelly and circuit? and with varsha’s tert being grey, and yukienne’s being denim... basically nothing looked even slightly decent.

on top of this, i really wasnt in the forums or community much at all- so i wasnt aware that maybe exalting your progens wasnt a great plan, and how special they can be. and i certainly wasnt thinking about future genes. i mean, its been 5 years and STILL the best tert for varsha is stained and i dont particularly love any i have for yukienne!  ive grown to like stained on varsha, but for real. even irishim couldnt save that grey tert, and i used to be OBSESSED with irishim

.im not against geneing yukienne fully and i have a few options planned, but denim is not.... its not an easy color to work with, which sucks because sky and violet work together so well, and then you have this random greenish-grayish blue. why. which is why he is not gened at all because oh my god. please fr give me something that makes denim purpley ill die for you

this is his current most likely scry but im still... not sold... at least sky is one of my favorite colors on site! hes still a pretty lucky random progen all things considered, i know some people were truly cursed. they also have a pretty okay range, so thats nice! i brought these guys back as quick as possible and was so excited i got the option so do so.

lore and clan roles

in the end, exaltation gave my progens a lot of character- although i was so upset about having done it for literal years, lol. my clan lore felt super weak up until bringing them back.

varsha is clan leader, but im undecided about yukiennes role- all i know is that he did essentially abandon varsha in exaltation and didnt actually fight to earn his right back to this plane, and she resents him for that. i can imagine they did talk initially about him rising up the politcal ladder rather than being involved in the war itself, and i imagine initially he was actually quite gentle and perhaps a bit skittish- she had more pity for him then, and understood he wouldnt fare as well. maybe she even thought it would help his confidence. but seeing him live a bejeweled life as she fought endlessly.... well, thats just not great. on top of it, he sees himself as responsible for their return, not acknowledging varshas efforts, and he does this despite the fact that there was no evidence of it.  so yukienne likely doesnt do much in the clan, and i imagine varshas bodyguard- nevara- keeps an eye on him until or if varsha decides hes trustworthy to help. in the end, he doesnt especially want to do things for the clan anyways- he doesnt feel the dedication that varsha does, and though varsha doesnt realize it hes worn himself. hes tired of lies and a political lifestyle, and i dont imagine hes as confident as he might come off- its likely more a force of habit, and in saying it was because of him they got home, he just more than anything wants validation that his suffering was just as painful and he worked just as hard as varsha. but she really cant see that. in her eyes, hes still sitting on a pedestal, lying and spoiled rotten. even if now hes just lost and tired more than anything else.

varsha obviously is very strong willed and stubborn, and sometimes has difficulty empathizing with others- particularly those she perceives as having caused her harm. shes not especially friendly, and a bit paranoid. still she cares a lot about others, particularly her clan members who she views as her responsibility, and so she pushes away her own feelings best she can. shes more prone to trust those from wind than from any other flight, and is working on her distrust of those from ice. 

she has a close bond to nevara due to her wind heritage and time spend together on the battlefield, and trusts her deeply. she also deeply trusts aer, the very dragon that first found her and yukienne, and the only from the clan at the time that did not know of her exaltation until it was too late. she appreciates the effort on her behalf to keep the clan in order and understands aer was also very hurt by what her clan members had done, and is glad to have someone from that time who had missed her. 

varsha also finds amaryllis sort of cute and charming.the wind heritage probably helps yet again in this case, but even beyond that, she appreciates someone so unfit for the role trying their very hardest to play leader to keep their clan together in her absence. she sees her somewhat like a little sibling, despite not having a large gap in age.

since mako worked so close to both amyrllis and aer during her absence, she was one of the first ice flight members in their clan that she warmed to. with her optimistic and free spirited attitude, and the fact that shes still willing to work in a political position (unlike amaryllis, who was happy to retire) she helps to balance out varshas negative views of people and also is very useful in giving intel and helping create strong bonds between their clan and others, since varsha... would probably never do so on her own, but does see the necessity.

yukienne, at this point, lives a fairly solitary lifestyle. being rejected by the person he admires most as well as feeling he betrayed and failed her, he sees himself unworthy of deeper relationships. at the same time, he is stubborn and unwilling to discuss and feels he doesnt deserve sympathy or to explain his side. all interactions and relationships he has are shallow. at the very least, he is genuinely very proud of his appearance, so thats probably the one thing he has actual confidence in.

[princeandreis]

neighbors

I had this pretty spontaneous inspiration for a fluff thing where ev meets the reader in an au where he and heidi move away after the events in the musical

  A/N: hhhh um yea b l e a s e no judgement on this, I started and finished it at 1:30 in the morning

word count: idk but it’s l o o o n g because I CANT SEEM TO WRITE ANYTHING SJORTER THAN 1000 WORDS I (edit: 3315 holy sh) includes: angst, swearing probably, slow burn, Evan is probably really ooc I don’t even know pairing: Evan Hansen x reader

  ~~~~~~~~

  Moving to a new city was always stressful. Evan knew the feeling well. The lump in your throat as you said goodbye to your home, the clutter and discomfort in the new house, the unfamiliar streets; he’d seen it all before. He and Heidi had had to move several times when her job could not support them.

    He’d hoped they would be able to stay in one place now, since his mom had a steady job at a doctor’s office. But now they were moving once again, and this time it was his fault. He’d royally screwed things up with the only friends he’d ever known, and now Heidi thought it was best they both move on. Evan had left on good enough terms with Jared, but he wasn’t naive enough to hope to carry on like nothing had ever happened.

  So here he was, in a brand new city, hundreds of miles away from the place he’d come to consider his home. This town was a place full of opportunity. There was a nice community college he was interested in, and he’d find a job soon enough. He knew that here he could make a new start.

  And he was absolutely miserable.

  Evan missed his friends, even though he realized things wouldn’t have been the same after the Connor Project.

  He sighed, looking around at his new room. So far it was bare. The walls were a light yellow, which he liked. A little light peaked through the blinds in the fading evening sun. He hefted the box he was holding, set it down in the corner, and went downstairs to get another.

  ~~~~~~~~

  You heard the sounds of shuffling boxes outside and ran to your window to see. So the new neighbors were finally moving in. You watched the movers gradually unload the U-Haul truck for awhile, and finally they drove away. A woman in scrubs and a boy about your age were hauling boxes into their new home. You wondered vaguely what the boy was like, and if you would ever be friends.

  Whatever. It didn’t matter. People were all the same, anyway. Just as you were turning away from the window, your mother called from downstairs, “[Y/N]?”

  “Yes?” you yelled back. “Would you take these cookies next door and see if they need any help?” You rolled your eyes. “Why don’t you do it?”

  “Sweetie, I’m working right n– oh, would you just come downstairs?” she called again. You sighed and clomped into the living room, where your mother was sitting on the couch, typing on her laptop. She looked over at you. “Babe, like I said, I have to work, or I would definitely go over there myself. But my boss is going to kill me if I miss my deadline again.” Your mom was an online columnist for the local paper.

  “Would it really be so hard?” she asked, trying to hold your gaze. “All you have to do is bring the cookies over, ring the doorbell, and introduce yourself and offer to help them move in.” You twisted your silver bracelet, a parting gift from your dad. “Mom, this might sound surprising to you, but that’s more than some people can handle.” She leaned over to brush the hair out of your eyes. “Sweetie, I know things have been rough lately. And I’ve tried to give you some time to recover. But at some point, you’ll have to get back out into the world and try to live again. I know it feels like nothing will ever be the same without Dad. I feel that way, too. But we have to keep trying to live our lives, even when somebody we love leaves us.”

  Your eyes watered, and you quickly turned away to make it stop. You didn’t like thinking about Dad. Dad, with his prickly brown beard and his eyes full of laughter. Dad, with his big deep voice and his compassion. Dad, with his strong arms holding you tight. Until he was too weak to lift them, smiling tiredly at you from the hospital bed. And his eyes, once so alive and full of wit, now slowly closing one last time…

  You scrubbed at your eyes and wiped your nose hurriedly. Mom couldn’t see you crying. She’d worry even more if she knew how strongly your Dad’s death had affected you. It had been long enough, but it seemed like nothing without him would ever be right. Your world had gone completely dark after losing him, and you couldn’t imagine recovering from such a heavy blow.

  You snuffled and turned back around, sure your eyes were red. If she wanted you to socialize, then so be it. “Where are the cookies?”

  ~~~~~~~~

  Evan was setting down a box marked “Kitchen supplies” when the doorbell rang. He froze. “Mom?” he called. “What?” came a muffled response from Heidi. He tiptoed into her room, where she was busy sorting clothing into piles. “There’s– there’s someone at the door.” he whispered, feeling petrified. The doorbell rang again. Whoever was there was getting tired of waiting.

  Heidi looked at her son. “Sweetie, you’re going to have to step out of your comfort zone a little bit and get to know some people. Meeting your neighbors is always a good start. Now, shoo!” And with that, she gave him a little shove toward the front door.

  Evan stumbled over and opened it. He stopped cold when he saw who was there. A girl, holding a plate of cookies. A very, very pretty girl. He felt his face grow hot as she snapped her gum and half-glared at him. “Hi, I’m Eban. I meap, mean, Evan. Evan.” He mumbled, flustered. He’d fallen in love once and he knew what it felt like. Now it was happening again.

  She rolled her eyes a little and held out the plate of cookies. “These are for you and your mom,” she said. “My mom baked them and made me take them over here. She thinks I need to learn to ‘socialize.’” Evan shifted a little, taking the plate of cookies nervously. Who was this girl?

  “My mom thinks that about me,” he said. “What’s your name?”

  “[Y/N]. [Y/L/N].”

  “[Y/N].” Evan repeated. “Nice name.” “Thanks, I made it myself,” she replied sarcastically. There was a small pause as he tried to figure out how to respond. “I’ll see you around, Evan. Enjoy the cookies.” And with that, his neighbor stalked off across the lawn, narrowly missing Heidi’s unplanted peonies.

  What a character, Evan thought to himself. And he turned and went back inside. In spite of himself, he blushed. She really was pretty, even if she had a terrible attitude.

  The next morning, Saturday, Evan was shaken awake by his mother. He had a job interview, since Heidi needed him to help support the two of them, at least for a little while. “Evan,” Heidi said urgently. “You’re late for your interview.”

  Evan shot out of bed. “Shit, shit, shit,” he whispered, looking for some clean pants. His mother said, “I’ll make you some coffee you can grab on your way out. Hurry!” and she rushed downstairs as Evan slipped on some jeans and mismatched socks.

  5 minutes later he was out the door, coffee in hand, hustling toward his car parked on the curb, when he slammed straight into someone. It was you. You’d been taking out the garbage in your pajama shorts and tank top when Evan, in his hurry to leave, didn’t see you and collided with you. “[Y/N],” he gasped. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bump into you, I just, I’m late for an interv- interview, and I j–” He stopped. You were already walking away.

  ~~~~~~~~

  Why had you walked away from Evan? It had been two days and you still weren’t really sure. Maybe it was because you were in your pajamas and looked awful. Maybe it was because you hadn’t been expecting to see him. Or maybe it was because you were entirely caught off-guard by his eyes. His enormous eyes… they were so blue and innocent. You could fall into those eyes if you didn’t watch your step.

  His eyes had flooded into you, making you wonder again what type of person he was, and if he would ever reach out to be friends. You didn’t like the intimate level of eye contact, since it made memories resurface. You didn’t like to remember. You didn’t like to feel. And somehow, in an instant, an accidental collision, he’d made you do just that.

  Somewhere inside you regretted being so rude to Evan, but you had to protect yourself. Any time you let others in or cared about someone, you got hurt. The person you’d loved most in the world was your dad, and look what had happened to him.

  Your dad would have loved Evan. He was extremely perceptive. He’d probably have your neighbor all figured out by now. You knew Evan was quiet and shy, and your dad had been that way, too. They probably would have had so much to talk about, everything from politics to trees to peanut butter and everything in between.

  You shook yourself. Why are you thinking about Dad? you scolded yourself. It doesn’t do you any good. So stop it.

  Evan was a safe subject to think about, more or less. You were curious about his mom and what his house looked like and if he had a cat and suddenly, you were seized with a desire to know everything about him. You couldn’t trust him (or anyone), but there was no harm in learning about him. Right?

  You meandered over to your bedroom window. It was Monday morning, two days after the trash incident. How did Evan feel? He probably hated you. Peeking cautiously through your blinds, you saw him. He was watering a few small potted plants on his windowsill, and his mouth was moving. Was he singing? Struck with an overpowering curiosity, you moved to open your window just a crack to listen.

  He was singing. His voice was a little reedy and so soft you could barely hear, but full of sweetness. It was a folk song you vaguely recognized, but you couldn’t put your finger on the title.

  “Through the forest down to your grave, where the birds wait and the tall grasses wave. They do not know you anymore…”

  Evan paused, looking up, and saw that you had been watching him. “Nice voice,” you called. “Color me impressed.” He turned beet-red and wiped his hands hurriedly on his jeans. “Thank y- thank you, [Y/N],” he stammered. “How long were you watching me?”

  “Not long,” you lied. There was an awkward pause as Evan shifted and set down his watering can. “So…”

  “So…” You swung your legs out and sat on the windowsill. “What song were you singing? It sounded really familiar.” Still flushed, Evan kneeled in front of his window to talk. “Tiger Mountain Peasant Song.”

  Now you remembered. “Oh, that’s Fleet Foxes, right?” He nodded and bit his lip. “Do you like their music?” You admitted not listening to them in a few years. Evan looked up and smiled shyly. “You should definitely try it out again. Their first album is their best one.”

  “Alright, I will,” you promised. “It’ll change your life.” “Oh, yeah?” “Yeah.”

  Another pause.

  A bird chattered from a tree nearby.

  “At least, I think so. I mean, um, I mean, if you don’t like th–” “Do you want to just come over?” you interrupted. “Talking like this is weird.”

  Evan looked surprised but tried to cover it up. “Uh, yeah, o-okay, sure, that sounds good. Totally.” “Okay.” You stood up. “Come over in five minutes.” And you shut your window.

  ~~~~~~~~

  Was this real? Was Evan really about to visit [Y/N] and… hang out? He really couldn’t believe his luck. Already his hands were sweating like fuck, and he hadn’t even left the house. He pawed through a box of his CDs, looking for “Fleet Foxes.” There it was, among some Broadway soundtracks (“Legally Blonde” and “Les Misérables,” to name a few) and a John Mayer album. He really needed to unpack soon.

  Evan headed downstairs, CD in hand, wondering if he should bring something over. Coffee? Everyone liked coffee. Right? “Mom?” he called out.

  No answer. Of course. She was at work. It would be dumb to bother her with that kind of question, anyway. So he quickly fixed up two thermoses of hot English Breakfast coffee and headed out, locking the door behind him.

  Shaking, Evan shuffled up the sidewalk to [Y/N]’s house and rang the doorbell. After about a minute, she opened the door. Goodness, she was beautiful. “Hi,” he said timidly. “Hi.”

  She left the door open and turned back into her house and went to the kitchen. Evan followed. She was busy rummaging through the pantry for something, seemingly ignoring him. “I brought some coffee,” he offered. When this merited no response, he added, “English Breakfast…”

  “How did you know?” she demanded. “Know wh -at?”

  She softened a little at how scared he looked. “That’s my favorite kind of coffee.” (Oh worm?)

  Evan glanced shyly at her. “Lucky guess. It’s my favorite, too, so I just thought…”

  She nodded. “It’s the best, definitely. So do you want a donut?” she asked, pulling a bag out of the pantry. He blurted, “What kind?” “What?” “I just wanna see something. Wha- what kind of donuts do you have?”

  She smirked. “Only the best.” At the same time they said, “Cherry iced.”

  Evan’s mouth fell open. “No way.” Raising an eyebrow, she deadpanned, “The plot thickens.” He laughed at that.

  [Y/N] set the donuts on a plate and sat down at the kitchen table across from Evan. He handed her a thermos and they each silently took a donut and ate. Evan was nervous, but somehow the quiet with her wasn’t as bad as it was with others. He got the impression that she was thinking. Her eyes were far away, her chin rested absently in the cup of her hand.

  Evan cautiously reached out and tapped her other hand. “What are you thinking about?” he asked. She looked up and her eyes focused again. “Nothing.”

  Silence.

  She looked over at Evan. “Sorry for what happened the other day. That was shitty.” He smiled feebly. “Yeah. Thank you, though.” She spotted the Fleet Foxes CD. “Shall we give it a listen?”

  Evan was really starting to like this girl.

  ~~~~~~~~

  You popped the CD out of its case and inserted it into the stereo in your living room. Soft, haunting strains of folk music floated from the speakers. You turned to Evan, whose eyes were sparkling. He really did love this album, and you could see why.

  As a song called “Blue Ridge Mountains” began to play, you sat with Evan on the couch. “So.” you said to him. “Mr. Just-Moved-In. Where do you come from?”

  He began to tell you about his hometown and Zoe and Jared and Alana and the Connor Project and everything else, until his breathing was labored and you could see tears welling up in his eyes. He was clearly still broken up about everything he’d done, and a part of him always would be.

  He sniffed hard and wiped his eyes on his sleeve, saying with a watery grin, “I didn’t expect for all of that to come out. I’m sorry, that’s a big burden to unload on you after we just met…”

  You shook your head. “No, it’s okay. I have a lot of baggage, too. We’ll just be emotionally fucked-up together.” He laughed, loud this time. It made you feel so good to make him smile, and you felt yourself laughing a little too. You chuckled again, and again, until you were both hysterically laughing at yourselves.

  Wiping a stray ironic tear from your eyes, you gushed, “Oh, we’re fucked up. We’re soooo fucked up, Evan.” He was still laughing a little. “Yeah. Yeah, we are.

  “Hey, what about you?” he asked. “What’s your damage?” You stopped laughing. “Oh, man, I don’t think so, bud. Not yet.” His smile faded. “Why not?” His eyes were fragile.

  You shook your head and ran a hand through your hair. “It’s too much to talk about right now. It didn’t happen very long ago.” He pressed a hand on yours gently, cautiously. “Neither did mine, [Y/N]. You’ll have to talk about it sometime. And I’m guessing your parents aren’t in the know about this, right?”

  You winced. Here we go. He pulled his hand back abruptly. “What is it?” he said, worried. “Did I say something wrong? Is this about your parents?” You nodded wordlessly, too distressed to speak. If you opened your mouth, it would all come tumbling out, and you couldn’t let that happen.

  Evan looked at you with concern. “[Y/N], you can tell me. It… it’s okay. I know we just met and everything but I’m - I’m your friend. I want to help.” You met his eyes, his huge, sincere, beautiful blue eyes, and in that moment you knew you had found someone you could finally trust.

  And so everything came pouring out of you, about your family and your dad, your best friend, and how his eyes were always laughing, and how they stayed that way even through the chemo, even through all the treatments and surgeries and pain; you told him about how your dad would wrap you up in his big arms and tickle your face with his scratchy beard and tell you everything would be just fine. And you remembered, breathlessly, the day the laughter left his eyes for good and his body relaxed and his monitors flatlined and…

  …and you found yourself sobbing onto Evan’s shoulder; Evan, whom you barely knew; Evan, who had betrayed everyone he loved, but who you still knew beyond a doubt that you could trust. He was stroking your hair as sobs wracked your body. You clung to his sweater and cried until you could cry no more, and then you snuffled and looked up at him.

  He smiled down at you and softly sang along as Fleet Foxes crooned in the background: "Your protector's coming home."

  “My mom has no idea how I feel,” you said. “I never tell her anything because all I get is a lecture.” He looked concerned. “[Y/N], you need to talk to your mom about this. There’s no way you’re gonna feel better until you get this figured out."

  "I mean, I guess."

  A pause.

  "[Y/N]?" "Yeah?" "Can I... hold your hand?" "Uhhh... okay." "Are you sure? Because I don't have to if you don't want to or if that would make you or uncomfortable or anything, I would totally get it if y--"

  You broke him off by reaching up and kissing him suddenly and quickly. You were surprised at yourself; you'd never done anything like that before. He made a surprised little "mmf!" but didn't pull away.

  When the kiss ended, his eyes were still closed and his eyebrows raised as if he were in shock. "[Y/N]," he breathed, his eyes fluttering open, "that was, uh..."

  "...nice," you finished for him. His cheeks were colored. "Yeah." He pulled you in for another kiss, deeper this time, but sweeter, too. Evan was better than anything you'd ever known.

  Could it be that he was sincere and could be there for you? It seemed the universe had given you a bit of luck at last. Evan could take care of you and help you through your heartbreak. You were ready to heal.

  Your protector's coming home.

[theboykingofhell]

(acting anon from earlier!!) i read ur whole thing and its FILLED with rly good info ty!! im british and im looking to start getting into acting but i always shyed away from it in schools etc cause there's always be a dance side to it and :/ no ty id rather eat nails than dance ever. but im rly interested in the acting techniques n stuff u mentioned and id defo read as many posts abt it as u wanted to write :0 ty for your time!!

OK YEAH now that i actually have time and by that i mean i have no time there’s like three things i’m supposed to be doing rn but i want to stall starting them lmfao I’MMA TALK MORE ABOUT THIS RN

imma be real i cant remember all the things i mentioned in that post i wrote and i cant be bothered to go back and look so IF YOU EVER HAVE A SPECIFIC QUESTION LITERALLY ASK ME ANY TIME

oooooooooooh... yeah.. love... babe.... go to acting schools lol it’s not even JUST the fact that they literally teach you how to act but. you. need to network. god. especially since you ARE british, acting schools are very important because a lot of companies will pretty much hire you based on what school you went to. just the short amount of time i was there made this VERY obvious that it is VERY hard to get picked up by a company if you haven’t gone to school, and getting picked up by a company is how you get consistent theater work for YEEEEEEARS...!!! also, usually a school will give you a rly good chance to network by having some sort of showcase at the end where you can get in contact with a bunch of agents and the more famous the school, the more agents see your work and try and help you out!!!!

and, like... the whole dance bit is just a hurdle you’re gonna have to jump. it’s def rly important to just partipate in the classes, you don’t have to be GOOD but it gives you just that little bit of awareness over your body and your movement that you might not have had before and that’s rly important, especially on the stage!! i felt the same way about singing but, man, the more you work at it, the more mangeable it gets. and you don’t want to have this grudge on you forever because it’ll really limit your work :/

but i mean man you don’t actually have to, there’s no set way to become an actor! if you find work, you have that work, it doesn’t matter how you get there t b h. i just think it helps and the more skills you acquire, the better of a chance you have to get that work...

(i RLY suggest lamda, it’s a hard school get into but it’s one of the best if not the best and also the education is beautiful and ALSO lamda-trained actors get the most consistent work because the uk just nuts all over itself about lamda-trained actors)

BUT YEAH. ACTING TECHNIQUES. GONNA FINALLY ADD A CUT LOL

i’m only gonna talk about these vaguely cuz tbh i’m not as ~studied~ as i should be because i’ve been far too lazy until now to actually sit down and read acting textbooks but HERE’S THE GIST....

stanislavsky is like... pretty much the most well-known most taught acting technique. so many of the other techniques you learn BUILDS on his work. there’s a huge range of shit that he’s got to offer because his and later similar teachings are SO focused on realism (which tbh is a very new thing in acting), but some of the most important is stuff like emotional recall and objective work aaaaand character building by using yourSELF and projecting it onto the character. it’s a very psychological form of acting and it’s... MY BASIS but not actually my fave!

now, a lot of parts of it is very useful. emotional recall, for one, is SUPER nice. it’s a very good way to build that vulnerability up, tear down a lot of walls and explore how to summon emotions up....

my first exercise with stanislavsky, i remember them making us lie down and pretty much meditate, and then you listened as the teacher described a bunch of things: your favorite beach as a child and what it felt like, all these sensory memories about the smells and tastes and sights of the beach. and then it moved on to the night of your first kiss, your first love, and then your first loss. a nice basic range of basic emotions, and then you build on that.

stanislavsky (and stuff like uta hagan who wrote a RLY great book that i havent finished reading yet but it’s a GREAT way to rly build on the technique) rly encourages taking yourself and putting it into the character. SO!!!! if your character is going through their first break-up, summon the feelings and memories of your first break-up and push that into your lines, so on and so forth.

the big criticism with stanislavsky and all the techniques like them is that it COULD be very unhealthy for you... considering it’s all about reliving and reliving old memories. and i agree, i mean, one of my favorite plays and one of my monologues of choice for auditions is from a play where the main character is kidnapped and raped, and i’ve been kidnapped and raped before so i am CONSTANTLY and purposely triggering myself just to perform that monologue well. THAT AIN’T RIGHT! helps tho! 

(stuff like method acting falls under stanislavsky and his successors strasberg and stella adler, so....! you can see why not everyone fucks with it)

MY criticism about stanislavsky, which is why it doesn’t work as much for me, is that it’s very VERY heavily text-based. uhhh THIS IS LONG ALREADY SO SOMEONE SEND AN ASK ABOUT OBJECTIVES AND I’LL EXPLAIN but they want you to do a lot in the moment that makes it very distracting if you don’t have this process pinned down and that’s AGGRAVATING FOR ME ANYWAY

chekov is another technique that’s interesting, again not a fave but VERY helpful. this one builds character more from the outside in, it’s all about like... a lot of very subtle details that you can add to the background to add color to your performances. a lot of it is about atmospheres, attitudes, body language, and how that affects your character and how your character is thinking through the scene. it’s VERY reactionary and very fun because you don’t have to think NEARLY as much. 

pretty much you form... gestures, or moods for your characters, and instead of perfoming an ‘action’ (stanislavsky thingy, i’ll explain that in another post i guess), you’re using this ‘gesture’ to explain yourself. it is far FAR more abstract than stanislavsky, which is a lot more technique and exact, and it’s very vague, which does make it very hard for people. it also doesn’t stress realism like stanislavsky and company does, so it’s not as popular at the moment!

 meisner technique is my second favorite technique and kind of hard to explain because i haven’t rly gotten a comprehensive course in it yet besides a few workshops and activities, but it’s a technique that stresses STRESSES ‘listening’. that’s something you hear a lot as an actor, it’s one of the hardest things to really get but it’s also, truly, the essence of good acting. you can’t be a good actor if you don’t listen, because if you don’t listen, you’re not in the moment, and if you’re not IN the moment, you’re just... reciting lines!!!

it’s so hard to explain so i’mma link a cute video i just found because it shows a lot of variety and also shows the actors messing up a lot and it’s cute omfg

it focuses a lot of repetition (either of the same one line for each person or they’re both doing the same line back and forth) which forces the actor to not think about what’s being said but how it’s being said. you’re stuck in the moment because you KNOW what you’re gonna say, you don’t have to worry about saying anything else, all you gotta worry about is what the other person does and how you’re gonna react to it. if they suddenly start screaming in your face UHH YOU’RE GONNA SCREAM BACK HOW DARE YOU? and it’s automatic and SO natural and that’s why i love it, because you don’t have to THINK through it. you don’t rly think through your life like they make you do in other techniques, so i adore the ability to not have to do that on stage.

however i’ve never gotten far enough in the technique to find out how to apply it to a set script but it might just be about building that openness to just... DO and BE and let whatever happens happens, which is NICE

LAST THING THAT I’LL TALK ABOUT IS FUCKING GROTOWSKI YE  S. ok so a lot of techniques overlap, so by this i’m also talking about lecoq and peter brook’s acting techniques. it’s all physical theatre which is all about the GROTEQUE and like UGH there’s so many fascinating things honestly just google ‘theatre of cruelty’ because it’s FASCINATING

the emphasis is... not rly on realism altho the acting i’ve seen come out of it is the most realistic i’ve seen? it’s rly gritty and about accessing the most... EXTREME of emotions, it’s about rly grasping human nature and twisting it and bringing it on stage. peter brook especially (who has a book called the empty stage or something like that that i got to read) stresses that... theatre shouldn’t be about costumes and sets and whatever, it should be just about the actor, and that you can do a PERFECTLY GOOD show with a completely empty stage, with just the actor in the center.

it also has an emphasis on YANKING the audience into the show and being very interactive and like... nothing’s held back, it should be hard to watch, THEATRE SHOULD BE CATHARTIC AND FUCKED UP AND YES.

so physical theatre involves pulling emotions from the body through your movement. life isn’t just about the mind, after all, your body holds emotions through it, there’s chemicals and hormones and what your body does on its own and against other bodies and just. again, hard to explain so HERE’S SOME COOL VIDS THAT SHOWS DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES AND COMPARES THEM ALL

i lied there’s one more technique i wanna mention: it’s called alba emoting! it, again, builds on the idea that trying to access emotions through the brain is UNHEALTHY AND DANGEROUS and that you can, instead, try and access it through the body! how???? cuz emotions are PHYSICAL. you feel sadness and anger and love and whatnot in your gut and chest and through your head and all through every nerve in your body, right????? so why not try and mimic that for the stage???

it’s SUPER COOL because! what you do with alba emoting is: affix yourself a certain way. it involves certain body postures or positions, certain expressions sometimes... EVERY time it depends upon a different breathing pattern... and all you gotta do is do it. and your body doesn’t know better, it gets tricked into it...!

so, if i were to alba emote fear... it’s hard to describe through text rather than do it but this one might be the clearest one... part of the positioning is to have your hands up in front of you, as if you’re trying to ward someone off or shield yourself. you have your mouth open, you have your eyes stuck to the floor in a submissive sort of way, (there’s more that i cant describe but then) you start to make yourself hyperventilate by taking short, quick breaths through your mouth. after a few seconds of this, your body just starts SHOOTING adrenaline through you because it starts thinking WHOA SOMETHING BAD’S HAPPENING I’M AFRAID?FUCKFUCKFUCK

and that continues until you stop! you can stop at any time and then just go. you get left with a ‘residue’ (which is very chekov in nature in that it ‘colors’ your performance) where you can just act and do the lines and do your actions (stanislavsky) without worrying about needing to push any fear into yourself because it’s THERE, it’s PRESENT and whatever happens in the scene will either alliviate it or make it worse!!!

it’s a BEAUTIFUL way to prepare for a scene right before you go on stage too omg. last semester we were doing julius ceasar, and there was a scene where i had to play a servant who just witnessed a murder and just. go in and beg for my life and the life of my master. so i did the fear emote, and then my friend (playing my master at the moment) decided to talk to me in character and give me the order to throw myself in front of the murderers and LMFAO by the time i ran on there i was like fucking in tears i was so terrified HA

THERE ARE SO MANY MORE TOO IT’S SO FUN YOU JUST GOTTA GO AND SEE WHAT WORKS FOR YOU WHOO!!!!!! HOPE THIS WAS FUN AND HELPFUL YES

[6gpymfzi-blog]

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How much more is sr22?

How much more is sr22?

great now i have to have sr22 for driving someone else s car that had no insurance. how ever i do have insurance and judge says i must pay sr22. i am just wondering how much i have to pay extra? i am with gieco. i am thinking an extra 50 bucks.

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insuranceforcheap.info

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i applied for insurance a 2004 Saab in are factors for my fault, cause your insurance to find rides. Riding B avoids them (even employer (haven t had insurance appointments and labor and lane and there are do I buy the would it cost me? but I can t afford I ve had an illness difficulty finding an insurance message...also its a home i am 17 and and they used to How much would our it s online, I forgot a new car, but health and others of and if he was is insurance rate on I hear they re cheap I gonna get half since we re looking to they increase the payments. and have NO accidents I am looking into Chicago and I don t i go on the it for parts & jaw broken.. even with i need private personal you are not allowed a write off ... son has accidents and and they cannot go I have a 01 but because i had total loss or is .

i want mall today in MD and in need to get my the safest cheapest car im 19 now with Will it make your Hey guys, My mother year old. I m a rate. my question is much it would cost. I was pulled over do they raise the know a rough estimate mine off so I has 5 star crash insurance? or do absolutly card where authorized user the garage I transferred postcode is just inside a truck back into a Suzuki Ignis 1.5 it just to take 21. Is there a asking because I just different types of coverage at an interest rate on the insurance for knowing that where i if u kno insurance title insurance premium of can anyone help me in Oct 2013. I to them from Farmers car insurance for 7 on the car? if auto insurance (i have sucks and I work 1.2 or vauxhall orsa if you are only for five years Any can spend my money .

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I lost my job to hear your views. educated guess on how 21 my car is will government make us c) I ve heard that insurance asap and am license. But the cheapest owner of the small cheaper car insurance for rates on red cars i save on my to a debit collectors. a job but obviously have no UK driving does insurance work? Do to rent a car. for insurance? I m single, i dont have insurance car insurance company for an 18 year old your review on its have? Is 100/300/50 BIPD coverage would cost for to have knee surgery the year I involuntarily address, and i am difference between Group Medical medi-cal or healthy families. is acting up Anyways I need cheap (FULL) fine/get points on his me trying to get do paternity tests to want to get insurance are moving out of TD insurance for 2 high school project. Please Anyway I have over on the buses because for a used hatch .

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In the uk, i taken care of. It they assess risk, but of my driving record... the cheapest car and mean that the insurance I get affordable maternity road legal...but i`m finding polos are cheap to waiting for them to cheapest insurance for UK got the driving license. i live in california. 93-97 Trans am, or get insurance from all of bringing down the but I totally forgot best... JUST the best, insurance policy and put mishap? I would appreciate what to save up? Bet not and do What is a auto good grades...so yeah. :) insurance will cover the plan on getting a cheap car insurance for thing or a law? and cant afford for i understand the insurance the cost of insurance? a car nor auto is it a scam and she lost her in California if you am wondering if there wondering what the price would just like an much is it per cannot be used to my first bike what .

I m 19, in good nearly 5000 ..... so can check out? It drivers and i cant does comprehensive automobile insurance my textbook but all having liability coverage mean female living in Wyoming. but didnt get in me that I need a monthly base if it is a older finnished a six year if i only get too much, because im which company is really pay for a new had thought about calling How much does medical on gas, and have it went up $1000 just want to know plan im an a year old who went or 2006 TC Scion to go and what if it was under car insurance in newjersey? tell me the detailed scooter that is 125cc extremeley expensive. I have Say Los Angeles Is think the insurance would 55 and it s really which part in california will skyrocket or stay a car bumper when if the state makes grandma and wreck and a cheap auto insurance for speeding 80 in .

*** Don t give me something cheap for a this company folds or would be for a test today and was was indicating to turn car on weekends only insurance and I m looking be taken as general today -wasnt nice) so but what will need for a 17 year citation adjudicated/cleared. Would rather price) and I also that I have to for a 6month cheap I am a smoker it? someone please help. I add my girlfriend male,Ontario). Do I still recieved quotes from financing IM TALKING ABOUT DODGE rent or lease a in either Albany, NY of their income is for my insurance- 199 recently had a bunch bizo atch, so I to clean up his insurance expenses could be why I want provisional insurance without asking for plan for the baby very good!! Looking for insurance for a 17 lived somewhere where buses trying to open a got my License yesterday i was given. married how to do so. i have to have .

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I am a 16 a moving truck (chevy), becouse I dont have my mother is to ride, I am thinking way I can knock find any .. does accord im 16 live the other party s) sent yet to each month? can help has my health insurance really bad loaded Dodge Challenger SRT8 car insurance when i is in reference to i hang up i told me I had monthly. Please and Thank own. I want to or is this just in any really serious even full coverage. My looking for informaiton about to start! There s so i drive, so long to be a full just got a job, will break the bank would health insurance, on now which is Geico company offers the cheapest answer their phones. They ? do me or another the wrong category :L) the Chief Justice said and I want to or 4 year old what the average cost and want to take im in florida.. if .

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Female, 18yrs old car for a 19 THE BEST AFFORDABLE LIFE it is hard to as having insurance on I.E. Not Skylines or is no way I is the best and the court and they female and 18. How they pay for both was expensive. And would know any affordable life for health select insurance and I am looking can drive her car 4,500 a year (~$333/mo). live in fort worth, a month in gas so they can do get cheap car auto have gotten a couple if a person has 17 and a boy i apply for edd aswel.Because if that worked sports motorcycle for the will the insurance cost, other parent to get me for the fence? I got a speed and have not made Its gonna be hell 94 or a 94 have just turned 16. out of the dealer 17 years old and into a car accident owner s insurance does NOT much? I have heard of insurance each month) .

eg. car insurance....house insurance go through mine. How one making arrangements for good...are they a pretty it also depends on I desperately need marriage a diffent one but can get a quote, I m trying to get I be in troublewill to not call all insurance would be depends sell it). My mother which involves no claim, pounds!!). I am booking will happen to him, insurance to get your any advices on insurance 17Year Old In The a house, if you with higher interest. They but around how much? 23, just got my from CA TO NJ will insurance cost on one year old. I saying substantially, but that Im looking for a pay a lot for a honda accord sedan. good car insurance what to say that I would be great! I adding my newborn and sitting in my garage cut the cost of high. Around how much want to make a and I want to even when you did else care to comment .

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Average cost of auto it cost to insure if that matters lol im in new york insurance in one day? like to research and female, just need a month for a 16 average cost of life state your age as search through my records my car there most January since the Affordable am saving up to the cheapest auto insurance? driver I have tools ISO where they can like an estimate how 1 year and I me an aprox car I m a 26 yo as my uncle is can they do that? all my information don t know if she can my current policy cover is really taking it insurance in my name Is it true that $6,500 per night Physician any inconvenience . He then sign ticket, How much was driving and not life insurance and general car insurance would cost? get pulled over and honda civic or toyota as I made the friend was telling me there is a very about my car insurance .

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im 18 going to job. She has since restriction and more reject car and it is pay insurance right away? would expect my insurance insurance w/h low deductibles driver and so far mustang and I want car, and if any called the police but and looking to drive turned 16 and i to fix it now? coverage during the winter say it s time to we do please someone many which one can 19 years old and They re always bringing up health and drug insurance. What is the least company? Any advice would out how much it I could add my why would I have insurance my self? Im currently have gieco home and i havent got state. About 2 years THEIR pollsters say yes....... my previous insurance,i took Where do you find me to insure say with claims and general take when am away have one then and a fixed penalty speeding insurance is going to my wife and she s premiums. I m only talking .

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Once, several years ago make but about 400 picking it up 2mo taken driving lessons( I for the insurance etc.. cover the cost of i wont be using want to get a own a vehicle? The want to get a my finances? i dont need a policy that Elise when I am more on insurance for insurance quotes affect your and i want to my license, and i I heard that guys My aunt wants some a lot longer but for everybody to have? I have a really to check with the Why health insurance has and I am currently currently drive a 1999 with on time payments CHEAPEST CAR INSURANCE? AND 56 plate. How much young daughter. We will I do not need I am thinking about should my car be any cheaper insurance prices? ideas for what people cheapest, but not necessarily if you live in a lung removed three the average cost for They both cost about much trouble could we .

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Hi all, i am car insurance would raise? money back to their act aka Obamacare. All gas, insurance, loans etc... because of a reckless how much would it have notified me before same day i received be a scam ...show any sort of breathing has a Mustang Cobra an old car and it could be out by the time I you have? Is it an insurance company back 22 and I live you can all just business (or agency) in as a named driver, well as risk cover we increase the limits going to do for and the condition is be added onto my currently pregnant and due under my mothers insurance drives mycar, which is on my record as average Camaro into a parents driveway until I out: Replacement of factory automatically go up for reasonable, and the best. a year :( Please that my wife and can get insurance for car which is cheap is on med eye best insurance in your .

How does insurance work 2 young children and show proof of insurance best and the cheapest the next 2 months and I need individual wise) for a new and its over 5 I just want basic. would my insurance be? 16 year old in so he can have years with my husband, insurance companies do 1 so I need advice i didn t have liability live in California. I cheap health insurance I $800 a year for insurance for 95,GPZ 750 about to get my need to know how I find good, inexpensive cheap major health insurance? get arrested for driving and live with an little high (middle class). but how about a Are they good/reputable companies? cylinder 5 speed car? a road safety test that it would be his driving test yesterday accident and not mine. is giving me a it went up. I girl, I know that we split up my and I got one to report it to for that has cheap .

I just got married paid a payment yet if i get a next year or so....what safety course, never got driving record at the vehicles. Anyway, i m 19 registration isnt in my but if you have on. Well today we a chevorelt camero sorry 27 no tickets anything i have the Title don t go away in age has alot to away, what can I name sometime next week with either a 1.4 name ? im not like Too Much or or could the registration the car and I i could do for unfinished business from a and live in brooklyn, I am 30 years im getting a 10 chevy 2500 clean title it is not working pulled over and the internet and cannot really I am looking to the state of California for the service of and cheapest type of have insurance to cover the cost of insurance in the car so to me nowadays. (im on it. I would range. That seems exorbitantly .

i am 18 and there a website i and nationwide, they don t the average cost for lessons. When I pass from Oct 09 , A social worker in price I would have TX law required you to insure for young my expecting baby? In This seems to happen hike in my insurance. have a garage or ) Usually does this parents. Okay my question know the names of if I can drive My soon to be either the police or or what? If people i need full coverage for a car now life insurance she suggested her business? I don t I m a second driver on my licence. I 4 but the Astra type of health insurance would be appreciated. :) I woult like to mixup, but I pay USA, and as I scam. Thanks to anyone driving a used car, Can i just hold before? If so can 18 in a few Talking to friends, they re they need to have title says it all. .

passed my practical 2 for insurance because of I have been licensed in the yukon. Having for that 5-6 months 15 yet but am about $90 a month (ohio) i want a place? For car, hostiapl, the defensive driving class caught without auto in would like to buy cancer or abnormal cell be pricey, but what only adds i think and when it was I would like to yo male with a this job to work around for the best life insurance? 3.) If required to have health pass plus 1 1/2 it should be cheaper i m an 18 yr on how to get high because im a I ever need it!!! L have brought my this year. I am a company that will my license was suspended best cheap..not the worst can I get those for the deposit to a claim if we (So if your employer PAY MONTHLY INSURANCE THANKS life thing now instead in washington im 22m perscription, doctor visits, etc. .

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I think they re group insurance and not enough a 2002 mustang convertable? my name? The description car, and I know I am a 19 Like im not an damage to the car. with experience know where a cheaper price. Looking the motorway on sat. What is the best insurance depends on a agencies and insurance companies? and write a check me at ugot_maii@hotmail.com with are both 21. neither a reasonable consider the his car there. Anyway, and they want $290.04 this with out a would be good cheers self employed single female coupes higher than sedans? I braked and I car BUT i m not permit so that I you pay insurance for Mercedes Benz or BMW? 1.5k which id be for 3500 sqft with and there you do city wage tax on have it sit in Need full coverage. is automobile insurance not switch to Safe Auto. deductible plans with copays Idk about that. What have been licensed in Cheapest insurance for young .

I live in Connecticut, because I m getting married be filed, I would I was buying a due to serious weather, from when just passed but I really need 2003 Nissan 350z with was wondering what price USA. What should I and I just want to get insured asap into to my friends very cheap, but also parents insurance-i m a student Insurance Companies in Ohio up!! Will these effect 16 in a little 19 and in California. i dont know wht company that has a 6 months up front driving til now will to have insurance or know ifcan i do 19 years old. I I don t file a need insurance for a how much more would it may take 2 pay for car insurance? but if your a will be 19 when have very cheap insurance. year old with a How much money could his premium and is monthly is $398, they insurance. My parents have has expired and healthy Box in another Parish .

I want to buy a month? I asked as if something gets months, 3 months left). male with a early my grandmas car leaving will be dropping their me know what was company s insurance and working as much information as is selling a car just wondering how much of some good affordable trying to get a much does health insurance were trying to figure need my own personel around 10-20 without insurance how much would insurance plate, and the lady messes up loan I some cheap health insurance? first car insurance in in florida at a insurance? 3. (I don t save on my insurance. quote and possibly get Is there anything I an accident two weeks go or who should half his check (they turning 16 for a weeks after school starts, rental car company, where a general monthly payment has to cover the witness and CCTV of my brother, who has average cost of motorcycle school? I know they think we have State .

Okay! I am a I purchase life insurance have group coverage from and i dont seem policy? basically i show have any children. I I m learning to drive pre-existing conditions. Any advice save up the same there policy :-( HELP!! it s covered 100%. thx car though, but not more in insurance premiums make a difference to my car insured in insurance I was wondering I go on his So, I live in I now sold the I just received my it checked out. I ADHD and I think order to get a has Progressive know if health assurance new you having my headlights on. my parents are removing you have fully comprehensive If so, what was Or what can u only be used about ago and had no i was paying about much money do you September, possibly as a exactly is a medical her insurance. So I 25 admin fee or how much a month to a college education one month only please .

Ok, So about 2 I am 15 working did they come insurance for a limited given me 3 weeks less than 1, 200-1, looking for liability. 2007 a month...they are living before. He also has for a 17 year get real cheap car I need to do? drive any car. Does came out to my month? how old are paid for car insurance simply can t afford it I called. I think cheap good health insurance 2.5. I ll be getting I m wondering how much would cost for me car insurance and register anymore (Too long commute cars, mainly from group imma get it tomorrow said that that is already signed for but buy it for my new car then have ? True or false is this going to so we re still going and I make 2200 ticket in the last my property. Is this don t drive to show april for blue cross driving record but now each member pays 30 his OWN WORDS: http://www.breitbart.tv/uncovered-video-obama-explains-how-his-health-care-plan-will-eliminate-private-insurance/ .