#rather than being like me where im 12 forever no matter what but the body has been around long enough to be considered an adult

[kidfur]

Still debating if i should make my blog chrono adult to follow.. i dont rember if any of my mutuals are chrono minors but considering itd be more for a comfort thing rather than a content rule thing (mostly? but i mean i still reblog mildly suggestive stuff sometimes regardless) so i could just say current mutuals are ok

[golbrocklovely]

since an anon kindly ask again, here’s the next part :)

these are tweets of colby’s from 2016. i’m happy yall enjoy reading them as much as me.

again, i don’t have proof that these are his tweets since some of them are deleted. but believe me, they are his.

if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone tweet to him.

~~~~~~~~~

July 1 - Embrace the nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach, don't run away from it

Let's adventure my darling

July 2 - The little moments

We can go anywhere you'd like

July 3 - You can tell how much you care about someone when you get to see them everyday, but never get tired of them.

You will still always want them by your side.

July 4 - A hopeless romantic at heart

OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO HOT. MY HEART @/itscolbybrock

why thank you love

Already missing the starry nights

July 6 - Things are so much better when you're by my side

I love making you smile

July 7 - Constant butterflies

July 8 - I'm perfect the way I am. YOU are perfect the way you are.

Don't let people's opinions change the way you view yourself.

July 9 - I know that I can treat you better than he ever did.

July 13 - I miss being woken up to the smell of the morning breakfast my mom would make ..

Take the world by storm. They won't know what hit em

July 14 - You don't understand how much you really mean to me

July 15 - For those of you who will always stand by my side, I love you dearly. I will always be here too.

July 18 - Hard for me to let people in

July 19 - I'd just rather watch cute kitty videos

July 20 - It's all worth fighting for

Take me higher than I've ever been

July 21 - It's so much better with you right here next to me

July 22 - You really know how to make me smile

You are so cute

thank you babe

July 26 - My friends back home will forever be in my heart

July 27 - It's not what you do, it's more of who you are as a person

July 28 - Now if we're talkin body ..

July 29 - It's just one of those nights where I'm up thinkin about u

July 30 - I won't let go

Aug. 3 - It's all because I care too much

Aug. 5 - Just want to block all the opinions out and focus on what's best for me

Aug. 6 - I'd do anything for you

Can't say thank you enough for all the support you've given me.. Just remembered that I will always be here for you

Aug. 8 - Just now starting to feel like my complete normal self again

Escape is what I need

Aug. 13 - Your forever is all that I need

Aug 15 - When times get hard ... Just Keep. Pushing. Forward.

And we'll just laugh along because we know that none of them have felt this way...

Aug. 20 - Sometimes, your mind just needs to take a vacation of its own

Aug. 21 - Get rid of the people in your life who don't treat you right

Aug. 22 - I'd rather feel something than absolutely nothing at all

Aug. 23 - I want to meet you

Aug. 27 - Special to me.

Aug. 28 - Well hey NYC, you're looking beautiful tonight

Aug. 29 - "I'm no palm reader, but I doubt that's the sign I was looking for"

You just keep being you

Aug. 30 - This is my personal, mental vacation

Aug. 31 - Protect your heart.

Sept. 1 - There's no turning back now

Sept. 2 - You know where your heart belongs as soon as you step back and just think. Have time to yourself

This trip has taught me so much.

Sept. 4 - I'm not like who I was back then

There is NO ONE who understands me more than my mom

Sept. 5 - I need a girlfriend who's willing to be my best friend

Someone who cares for me just as much as I care for them

Someone who would go on insane adventures with me, and would wanna see the world together

Both committed to each other. 100%. Someone who shows that they TRULY care

You all have a piece of my heart

Sept. 6 - @/itscolbybrock hope you feel better

@/mariebrockkk thank you sweetheart

Sept. 8 - Being a bit sick always makes my voice sound crazy deep

I can be hard to deal with sometimes. I get into bad moods that seem to change me as a person. I'm working on it. Only getting better.

Feel better? @/itscolbybrock

thank you bb

Sept. 9 - Someone come keep me company

Sept. 10 - I hope you know ... I won't let go

Sept. 11 - Slept all evening and I'm still tired

Sept. 12 - Everything's gunna be alright

Sept. 14 - Always trying to see what I can do to push myself out of my comfort zone

Just imagine what the world would be like if self esteem 'issues' weren't a thing

Sept. 16 - The strong hearted will keep pushing forward, no matter what happens

Sept. 17 - Do me a favor and never give in. Okay ?

Sept. 19 - Starting to really dig the leather look.

Sept. 20 - I'm someone who could be completely immature and silly one moment .. serious and philosophical the next

Who are capricorns compatible with?

anyone they fucking want to be with

true. Doesn't even matter

11:11 @/itscolbybrock ilysm baby

@/mysunsetcolby I lovee you.

Sept. 23 - Awake and unafraid

Sept. 24 - Seeing old friends today and that couldn't make me happier

Sept. 25 - A feeling I just can't describe

Sept. 26 - I have a confession.

Im having a My Chemical Romance phase, and I don't know why. I'm turning more and more emo by the second

Sept. 28 - Find true friends and keep them close to your heart.

What if I'm 30 and I still look like I'm 13

Sept. 30 - About to have the longest night of my life ahead of me.

[yoichichi]

✨ Anon Playlist

For my ✨ anon, I hope it’s what you were looking for!

warning: slight timeskip!nishinoya spoilers, kissing?

gif not mine, credit to owner

A/N: I tried to make this GN! since I don’t know your pronouns, if you have any problems please let me know!

Relationship Head Cannons

Okok reading your ask I definitely had to pair you with Nishinoya!! Looking at your interests and your personality etc. I think you guys would make a lovely couple :)

He definitely met you while traveling and immediately asked you for your number (this man is so bold and shameless you cannot tell me otherwise); he was probably a little ridiculous about it and loud and he could not believe you said yes

Went from 😉😁😏 to 👁👄👁,,,😳😳😳 so fast

Called Tanaka drunk after you gave him your number talking about how you have to be the one or something cause he just got some gorgeous babe’s phone number at the bar and he’s pretty sure it’s real

Tanaka still laugh’s about it with him all the time and Noya’s always like oml haha so embarrassing😅😅 stop it dude they’re gonna think I’m a creep 🤬

Nishinoya love’s it when you get to meet his friend’s and get along with them!! It make’s his heart so full!

Double dates with Tanaka and Kiyoko!!! And Noya’s just so🤩🤩 guys guys look at my bb!!!!

omg would endlessly brag about your cocktail making skills asjjskfjnkajeke and NO ONE asked but he can’t help himself

Would shamelessly ask you to paint him and then immediately start undressing for a nude painting  adjskfieurir 

Would for SURE ask you to read to him and it’s one of the few times he’s actually calm, he just finds it so calming he gets to stare at you and just bask in you and how much he loves you is the real reason

Love love loves listening to you talk about your current book obsession and just finds it so cute

let’s be honest just worships the ground you walk on

LOTS of stargazing on beaches at night

He would ask you an abundance of questions about literally anything you know or love cause he’s a passionate guy, too!! You guys could definitely talk for hours and hours and never get bored of each other

And the way you listen to him while he rants about literally any and everything makes his heart practically implode

He’s so soft for you too cause he never thought someone would actually be down for his lifestyle of traveling and having a good time but you do! And you enjoy it so much :)!

PHYSICAL AFFECTION

LOVES holding your hand cause not only does it let him run around and make sure he’s not gonna lose you in the crowd but it just makes him feel so close to you? And it let’s everyone know he’s your boyfriend which he takes so much pride in pls

All in all, your guys’ relationship is just so full of fun that when you guys get to lay and look at the stars together and everything slows down for that moment, Noya knows he really loves you and couldn’t imagine finding anyone better

And what you’ve been waiting for... your playlist!

Ok, so I did my best to match your playlist to the indie vibes you mentioned and keeping it to the scenario of just laying with Noya as best as I could!

I sincerely hope you enjoy, please tell me your thoughts!! Below is the listed songs in order and my explanation for each :). And if you need anything changed, please tell me!

1. Lost in Your Love - Colyer: This song definitely is reminiscent of when you two first met, seeing you just hit him like a truck. Now, he could let literally let go of anything in his life as long as you were there with him. He’s quite definitely lost in your love (talk about devoted, sheesh).

2. My Kind of Woman - Mac DeMarco: So this is written with the intent of keeping you gender neutral since I don’t know your pronouns, so I don’t specifically take the “woman” part of this song as inspiration, but rather the idea of the love in the song if that makes sense. But if this song makes you uncomfortable please let me know and I will happily replace this song. SIMP ALERT 🚨 please Noya wishes he could dedicate this song to you with his whole heart. It’s more of him just being in complete disbelief that YOU choose to be by his side (this is a common theme here 🙄) It doesn’t matter how long you two are together he will never get over letting him be by your side

3. Nothing - Bruno Major: PLS THIS SONG IS MAKING ME SO SOFT FOR NOYA😰✋  please, this is your guys song. The epitome of just laying in each other’s presence and enjoying the warmth and conversation between you two, it’s these moments that really make Noya fall in love with you

4. Something About You - sophie meiers: Noya was definitely more nervous to ask you to be an official couple than he was saying I love you LMAO. He was just so scared to be like look I really like you, please just let me be yours and please be mine officially and let me do couple things with you and show you cool things I like (definitely came off like 💧👁u👁..... be my girlfriend? 🧍‍♂️)

5. Pluto Projector - Rex Orange County: C’mon now TELL me this ain’t you and Noya 🙄✋ your relationship is definitely always in that “honeymoon” phase, you guys are just effortlessly obsessed with each other cause not only do you have so much love to give but so does he!! And this song is just pure ~vibes~

6. Fall - Chloe x Halle: Ok, this one is mainly just for the feeling of it, but okok. You and Noya laying and looking up at the stars and it starts to rain but he just won’t get up and you guys just lay there having a laughing fit until you pull him up and make him come back to the warmth of your guys’ home. And as you’re drying each other off and you have a towel around your shoulders and your still dripping a little and you’re handing him his tea and fuck you just look so perfect he can’t help but tell you he loves you

7. Honeybee - Steam Powered Giraffe: SLOW DANCE TIME, everyone's gotta have one right? It’s more soft behavior, but this song? WHEW. Noya know’s he will forever be trapped by you and your beauty and presence but he just couldn’t care less, the things you do to him, god he swears you’re gonna kill him.

8. Intertwined - dodie: There’s no way you could mention laying with your s/o and NOT have me put this song on there, please just listen to this song you’ll understand 🙏 pure cuddly, chill vibes

9. Turning Page - Sydney Rose: stop it this song makes me cry tell me you guys aren’t laying with each other, tracing each other’s features with your fingers, memorizing every little detail there is to notice (fuck this is so intimate i-)

10. Like You Do - Joji: 🚨A LITTLE NOYA ANGST IM SORRY🚨 Noya would be a little scared his lifestyle would become too much and it’s kind of an irrational fear he has for you, but at the same time he knows that you make him so happy and you love him so much he’d be willing to even change this for you if it meant you could keep loving him like you do now.

11. Goodbye Horses - Q Lazzarus: Did someone say late night cuddly and giggly make out sesh? 😳 Noya pulling away every time just to go “oh no sir🤠!” before kissing you again  ( :40 in the song, you’ll know what I’m talking about)

12. Body Language - Miki Ratsula: We get it you two 🙄✋ you like laying down and cuddling together

13. Dogs at the Beach - The Altogether: PLS this is just for vibes tbh

14. Wanna Know - Sabrina Claudio: I do feel like sometimes Noya is a very blunt guy who says it as is, and not everyone else is like that! So I’m sure sometimes he gets nervous that he’s too much for you and whether or not you love him as much as he loves you! But ultimately he knows you guys wouldn’t be where you are now if you didn’t love him (and then he immediately hates himself for even questioning your love, protect him pls)

15. Let Me Follow - Son Lux: TL;DR, all you need is each other’s love to exist and you couldn’t ask for more.

----------

AHHHH IT’S FINALLY HERE , I’m sorry this took so long! I was having a lot of problems with Tumblr and am a fairly new writer, I really hope you enjoyed this, please give me your feedback and thoughts! I want to make sure you got this :(

Feedback and opinions from anyone is appreciated!

request’s for playlist’s are currently closed until I finish the others, but I will make a post when they’re open again! And to all of those who have requested, they’ll be out shortly!! 

-🐇out

[inspiringwhilerespiring]

Get to know me?

Yoooo - yall remember Myspace, and people would blog survey posts lol. Well thats me, I’m people. And I just wanna write my lil heart out and avoid all of my real life responsibilities. So found a lil questionnaire thing and I’m gonna fill it out. Also lowkey like doing this every so often so I can look back on it and reflect and see how much I may have grown/changed/shifted viewzzz ya feel? :) 

Sooo here yall go <3 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

My neice maybe?

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

People who know me would tell me to put outgoing, but I honestly feel shy on the inside, so it just depends.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Literally anyone lmao fuck this quarantine

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Definitely

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Lets hope so

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Kind souls <3 always notice how they talk to their friends and family, but even people they don’t know like servers or janitors, etc. that shit matters heavy.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Probably not

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

A few homies

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Nah not really, just depends

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Not sure -it’s been a min since I had a “deep” connection or convo that I can remember - but was probably with my bestie R’Bo

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Google that shit” lmao me, giving advice to my friends

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

TOUGH!!!! After Hours by The Weeknd is up there, Cayendo by Frank Ocean (been jamming his shit HAARD lately) and Inside Friend by Leon Bridges & John Mayer….but also been listening to albums - like Childish’s new album, Floreyyy for lo-fi shit, and also got into 070 Shake recently just to name a few.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

FUCK YA

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Yeah budddyy

15. What good thing happened this summer?

Idk, my bday party was lit?? And lots of river floats happened

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Lol

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Cant deny that there isn’t so yaaa

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Yes

20. Do you like your neighbors?

Just moved, so don’t know em

21. What are you bad habits?

Procrastination lol and biting my nails

22. Where would you like to travel?

Literally ANNNYY-fuckin-WHERE!

23. Do you have trust issues?

Hmm I wanna say generally no, but I also always keep it one hunnnid with myself, and as much as I’d like to say I don’t have any - I think I def have insecurities with myself, that have the potential to become “trust issues” in certain relationships, but overall no. I live by the whole “you have my trust til you fuck it up” mantra

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Coffee in the morning lately, missed it and forgot how energized it makes me - gives me time to wake up and reflect/set daily goals

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Stomach forever :((((

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Scroll on my phone, pee usually, or feed my cat lol

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Tanner maybe?

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My mom or my best friend R’Bonney - but any of my close friends and fam honestly

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Not directly

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Lol ok, so this is always changing…but lately (and by lately I mean the past few years) its been a no. I’m open minded though and am aware that I’m always changing my mind sooo who knows

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yeppperoo

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Honestly, those aren’t my “thing” lollike id prob laugh or be awkward or just have to be hellllla drunk - but like I wouldn’t mind Jason Momoa and Tom Hardy tossin me around

33. Spell your name with your chin.

hjaylkee

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Scocer back in the day - actually went and kicked it like a week ago for the first time in YEARSSSS - felt so damn good

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV, music forreeevverrr

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Lol story of my life

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

“Soooo” then probably ask a question or some shit lol

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Hmmm…definitely have to be funny/have a good sense of humor. They’d have to be open-minded for sure. Up for trying new things, places, cultures, food, music, etc. Just have an adventurous spirit I guess when it comes to that. Have a good line of communication/openness - and just be able to have a deep/intellectual convo about anything and everything. Bonuses: taller than me, likes cooking, and going to music shows.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Amazon lol I hate shopping

40. What do you want to do after high school?

To go back to high school :( lmao so much id re-do, cant believe its almost been a decade

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Hell yeah, this is life my dudes, dont take it so seriously - we all fuck up at some point or another

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Something is on my mind for sure, or im just tired lol

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Yeah

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

DAMNNN WHAT so hard - I guesss if I had to pick, space…just because it’s more rare/harder to do I’d think.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

My cat lol with his meowing ass

46. What are you paranoid about?

Lowkey a lot lol

47. Have you ever been high?

8)

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Who hasn’t????

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

naw

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black probably, like half my wardrobe

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Of course

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My bad habits

56. Favourite colour?

Yelllllow :)

57. Favourite food?

Oh gaaawwd, literally anything - lately: PB&J’s, fries, wings, Mediterranean, Mexican, pickles, ice cream, ramenzzzz

58. Last thing you ate?

Pistachios

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Cofffeeee w creamer

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Idk, not off the top of my head - maybe something back in elementary

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Nah

62. Been arrested? For what?

Yeah lmao

63. Ever been in love?

Yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

No its really not that interesting and idc to type it out

65. Are you hungry right now?

24/7/365

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Lol yes a few of them <333

67. Facebook or Twitter?

FB

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Noooo

70. Names of your bestfriends?

R’Bonney is number 1

71. Craving something? What?

Foooood, and companionship? Lol

72. What colour are your towels?

Idk, random, mostly blue

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

A lot lol

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Lol no, but I have my one from my childhood in my room

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

1 - shout out to you Mr.Fluffy

75. Favourite animal?

I am fascinated by sharks; and like gators/crocs. But I have mad respect for elephants, they’re sooo damn smart and beautiful.

76. What colour is your underwear?

Dont have any on

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

BITCHHHH CHOC

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

All of them

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Tie-dye

80. What colour pants?

none

81. Favourite tv show?

Game of Thrones prob

82. Favourite movie?

Avatar or Shawshank Redemption

87. First person you talked to today?

Sissy

88. Last person you talked to today?

Friend on FT

89. Name a person you hate?

No one, maybe Trump? lol

90. Name a person you love?

Everyone, fr fr

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Nah

92. In a fight with someone?

Nah

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Not enough <3

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Not enough <3

95. Last movie you watched?

The Decline on Netflix, short lil foreign oil, was deep/interesting

96. Favourite actress?

Not sure-Sandra Bullock? Or Meryl

97. Favourite actor?

Denzel or Morgan Freeman

98. Do you tan a lot?

Nah not anymore honestly

99. Have any pets?

Yessss

100. How are you feeling?

Mediocre

101. Do you type fast?

Ya

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Im sure

103. Can you spell well?

Ya

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Lol im nostalgic af, so yes

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yes litttty tittyyy

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Probably :(

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Hell yeah brother, I’m from TX

108. What should you be doing?

So much shit lol

109. Is something irritating you right now?

The fact that I ain’t doing all the shit I should be lol

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Yooo yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Prob my sister or my mom?? Lol I cry a lot, idk and idc

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Hayls?

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

Back in the day

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Surprisingly, no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Nah, unless maybe if its homemade

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Yeah occasionally, more of a Thai food chick or Japanese

119. Favourite book?

Kite Runner

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Low-key sometimes lol

121. Are you mean?

Hell noooo

122. Is cheating ever okay?

Ok, this is an interesting one lol I mean no, it’s not “okay” - since it usually constitutes lying/hiding/hurting someone - BUTTTT, for a lack of a better term - I wanna say it’s “normal”? But thats because I, personally, am on the fence about the concept of monogamy. Like no, I’ve never cheated nor experienced that in return - but the whole concept of monogamy and like that a person can love and only love or be with one person is WILLLLDDD and I can’t help but note that its a social construct that we, as a society, are conditioned to from the time we are born. Idk if that makes sense bc im high af lol but those are my thoughts…like to sum it up - cheating is fucked up and sucks, but at the same time its not all that surprising/shocking anymore, like borderline “normalized” just as divorces are and shit, so I feel like bc biologically we aren’t made to be with one person lol. I don’t condone it tho. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Hell to the naw naw

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Hmmm idk about that one, but also can’t deny it

125. Do you believe in true love?

Yeah of course, you’re talking to a hopeless romantic

126. Are you currently bored?

I guess we could say that

127. What makes you happy?

Food and close, loved ones

128. Would you change your name?

Nah, too much paper work

129. What your zodiac sign?

Cancer, with my lil moody, sensitive ass

130. Do you like subway?

I did lol

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Story of my mf life lol literally all my exes are “best friends turned lovers” situation, so guess it would just depend lmao

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Lol oh godddd; ok off the top of my head - Tupac - Keep Ya Head Up is what comes to mind; just a timeless song and the lyrics are still relevant/apply to this day and idk just really resonate with the message behind that song <3

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

Idk, but it was probably SO dumb, and told to my parents lol

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Either or, lately open so my cat can go in and out lol

137. How tall are you?

5’6 mayyybeee 5’5 actually lol

140. Summer or Winter?

Fall!!

141. Night or Day?

Def a lil night owl, always have been

142. Favourite month?

April and October for weather at least

143. Are you a vegetarian?

No but I try, and go through phases, I’m definitely mindful the older I get and more focused on my health I become

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

FUCKIN ALLLLL

145. Tea or Coffee?

Coffee but I like tea too, just seem to drink coffee more regularly

146. Was today a good day?

The grateful-to-just-be-alive in me wants to say yes lol but idk, felt off/unaccomplished and cried a lot, so no.

147. Mars or Snickers?

Snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“This too shall pass”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Sure why not

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“After all, what he had always wanted was just that: to know new places.” -The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

[sleepymccoy]

year in fic

i saw a couple of these around and i love the idea! so yeah im taking part too <3

Heresy

Rated: General

Word Count: 2,524

Posted: 15/6/19

3000 years on from the apocalypse have been pretty chill for Crowley and Aziraphale. Gabriel and Beelzebub took their posts after they quit their jobs as reps on Earth and now are trying to get in touch to discuss personal matters. This is basically a short fic that’s jut a hella awkward conversation with some possessiveness, it’;s sweet. Side note, this was my first fic and I wrote it up before we knew Beelzebub uses they/them pronouns so I used the actresses pronouns for it. I mean to fix it up but haven’t got to it yet, so, apologies

Needed a break, gone to France x

Rated: General

Word Count: 8,808

Posted: 28/6/19

About a week after the apocalypse and Aziraphale leaves Crowley a note on his door explaining his absence. Crowley goes into a tailspin trying to decode it for like two months. Light miscommunication fic, but it’s made up for with some nice fondness and some letters at the end that are pretty cute tbh 

Try On Some Pride For A Day

Rated: Mature

Word Count: 20,614

Posted: 4/8/19

One night, two months after the apocalypse, Aziraphale challenges Crowley to a competition. Will Aziraphale get Crowley to inhabit the seven heavenly virtues, or will Crowley get Aziraphale to enjoy the seven deadly sins? It’s all very cheerful with much sexual tension and a couple of squabbles. This is a friends to lovers sort of fic. It’s also asexual Aziraphale, pretty outright, so while it gets steamy there’s no sex in the fic

Summoned

Rated: Explicit

Word Count: 12,635

Posted: 21/8/19

Heaven and Hell decided that as they have their Worst Employee of the Forever sorted, they could shimmy the worse parts of the gig off to them. And being summoned sucks. Crowley finds he keeps getting summoned by different people, more often than ever before. This fic is the roughly year and a half period after that failed apocalypse, told only through scenes where Crowley (and one time Aziraphale) have been unwillingly summoned by someone. I will say the real joy of this is that Crowley is pissed off most of the time and Aziraphale is appropriately protective. The last chapter is full blown sex. This is another friends to lovers fic

Is It Worth It Yet

Rated: Teen

Word Count: 10,935

Posted: 22/9/19

Around abouts the 1000AD mark, in what would become Turkey a few hundred years later, Crowley sat down, took a breath, and told Aziraphale how he felt in a total trainwreck of a conversation. Chapter 1, that conversation. It’s pretty angsty but I fix it all, don’t worry Of course, Aziraphale would then expect Crowley to bring it all up again after the apocalypse, and when he doesn't he decides to take matters into his own hands and broach the topic himself. It doesn't go as well as he'd hoped. Good ending tho, don't worry guys. 

Soft.

Rated: Mature

Word Count: 9,178

Posted: 10/10/19

Crowley has had one thought going about his mind for a while now, and that is that he really likes Aziraphale's body (highlighted by how he comparatively didn't enjoy seeing Aziraphale in Madame Tracy). But how does one tell their friend of 6000 years that he's got a hot bod? Awkwardly and with great difficulty, is the answer. He accidentally dredges up a Gabriel-related issue Aziraphale has been holding on to. This is a very consent heavy fic, there’s a lot of “are you sure?” and “what do you want?”

the kind of thing one says easily

Rated: Explicit

Word Count: 15,496

Posted: 15/10/19

Kind of my take on an au where Crowley just straight up told Aziraphale pretty early on that he loves him, so it was a fact of their dynamic for centuries before the apocalypse. I call it the "if they actually communicated" au. Fits in with tv canon, I've done a prelude or a run on from one or two major scenes in the show, you'll almost certainly catch it. But yeah, snapshots of them talking about feelings, sometimes very serious (mostly pretty serious actually) but sometimes quite light and lovely. Classic lads. Still don't get together until post apocalypse cos, ya know, it be like that. Runs from like 2000bc to 2020ad with 12 segments of story, although three of those are 2019 cos like that's when shit really went down

Not Quite Human

Rated: Explicit

Word Count: 10,398

Posted: 26/10/19

Crowley and Aziraphale had both quit their jobs for each other and returned home after the apocalypse, tumbling rather helplessly towards a relief-filled romance. But old habits die hard and with nothing left to keep the pair from expressing their feelings, they created their own barriers to hold themselves back. And so years passed with pointless desire, self inflicted wallowing, and miserable restraint. Luckily for both of them, the angel was fed up. He’d been stewing too long and had decided to give it a go. This is kinda an exploration into a different writing style for me, it's not a dedicated pov and it's full of little flashback style (sort of, not like serious flashback, more like mulling over the past for context) vignettes with ideas i wanted to include. 

Still Waking Up

Rated: Teen

Words: 31,153

Posted: 5/11/19

Aziraphale has noticed Crowley's odd behavior. Since the Apocalypse he has spotted Crowley outside the shop, just watching, like a watchdog that watches and doesn't come in and explain himself. This fic follows a roughly two year period after the apocalypse in which Crowley admits to nightmares about the bookshop and Aziraphale burning and struggles to come terms with it and ask for help. Aziraphale grows increasingly lonely and purposeless and some of his damage from Heaven rears up. They slowly navigate supporting each other as best they can. Main points of interest are probs bed sharing, much mutual pining, kissing, and softly handled trauma recovery.

(omg guys that’s a cumulative word count of 121,741 in six months! that’s a whole lot more than i’d imagined. what a year)

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 13

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- IF YOU WANT TO BE NOTIFIED WHEN THIS IS UPDATED, I THOUGHT I COULD START A TAG LIST SO LET ME KNOW. IF YOU’D RATHER BE NOTICED IN PRIVATE, MESSAGE ME TOO PLEASE!

- there will be smut added soon, just thought i’d give a fair warning!

- i’m having a hard time finding 2015 Niall gifs so i may add 2016 gifs instead. if you want to propose me any PLEASE message me. youll make my day!

- thank you so much for all the asks i get. you guys make me so happy. i cant even explain. thank you forever. i love you!!!

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 13 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

Harry was staring at me and I was staring right back. I could feel my heart beat hard against my rib cage but I was not really sure why. Clearly, he thought Niall and I had seen each other naked and although it was pretty true for me, it wasn't as obvious for him. I had caught Niall masturbating completely naked in bed when he was 13, but when Niall saw me, I was wearing a shirt and panties. We got changed in the same room quite often but I knew Niall and I knew he would never look at me without my consent, whether it was out of respect or simply because he was not interested.

Harry's lips curled slightly on the left as he kept his eyes on me and I did the same, looking away and leaning against the couch behind me. It was embarrassing to talk about it and I wanted to talk about something else. I turned to my best friend and had to swallow hard when my eyes landed on him. He had just admitted he had slept with Maya and after what I had confessed to him earlier, it made it even worse. Now I knew why he was trying to reassure me about my jealousy for her and it had worked quite well but now, everything was ruined. I had came to make myself believe that they hadn't done anything. Niall was a discreet person but the way he acted with Maya was so different than how he acted with Heidi and he never explicitly confessed to having sex with her. Perhaps I just didn't want it to be true and now it was hitting me right in the face.

"Sorry guys, but Louis and I have both seen 4 persons in the room naked too, why didn't we get votes?" Liam argued with a frown, obviously talking about his girlfriend who put her hand gently over his.

"Don't go there, Liam." Louis quickly replied, taking the cigarette that was waiting behind his ear and putting it between his lips. "It's a can of worms and no one wants to see that."

Everyone remained silent when he lighted it up and after a few seconds, Eleanor smiled and read a question outloud. I felt the tension in the room calm down suddenly and took my pencil again, ready to keep playing.

"Who's got a deep secret they never told anyone?"

I suddenly held my breath and my eyes got bigger for half a second. I felt extremely exposed for no reason and I closed my eyes, imagining all the eyes turned to me. It was paranoia, it had to be, because no one knew I had feelings for my best friend. No one knew I've always had feelings for him, and that I probably always would. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes again and noticed everyone was busy scribbling down a name and no one was giving me any unsolicited attention. I felt my body relax slightly and quickly grabbed my pen, scribbling the first name that came in my mind.

I waited impatiently for Niall to read all the answers outloud and stress came back when I heard my name. I didn't want to seem like it was true and I simply waited for Niall to be done.

"I don't know why anyone would write Harry." Niall laughed. "He walks around naked, no matter who's in the room, I don't think someone who does that can have any deep secret."

Harry grabbed the first thing he could reach and threw it at him but Niall simply laughed, moving his head right on time not to get Harry's pen in the face.

"Liv doesn't have any deep secret she's never told anyone, she tells me everything, right?"

I held my breath again as I stared at Niall. His eyebrows were raised, his lips were curled into a satisfied smile, and i felt guilt invade my whole body and making my head throb. Could he read in my face how embarrassed I was? My lips parted and I was about to answer when someone else talked.

"Everyone's got secrets." Louis pointed out, taking a sip of his beer. "I'm sure you keep stuff from her and she keeps stuff from you."

"So you keep stuff from your girlfriend, Tommo?" Niall argued, his gaze moving from me to his bandmate.

Louis laughed and rolled his eyes.

"She's not your girlfriend, Neil."

Silence fell in the room and I swallowed hard, trying to find a way to ease the tension. I had no idea why these kind of games always ended up in some sort of arguments but I didn't want to be part of it anymore. I was about to just get up and leave when Lottie groaned low.

"You're both so fucking annoying." she let out. "I think it's time to find a new game to play."

She dived her hand in her purse and bit her bottom lip as she searched for something. After a few seconds where my heart threatened to jump out of my chest, she pulled out cards and sent all of us a smile.

"It's a game I used to play at parties when I was younger." she explained, shaking the cards to put our attention on it. "Kiss And Tell. It's some sort of truth or dare game but the questions and the dare all have to do with kisses. And to avoid everyone to choose 'tell', we'll use a dice. 1,2 and 3 are kiss, and 4, 5 and 6 are tell."

She checked the cards and got off the couch to sit on the floor, putting the two stacks on the carpet. I noticed Harry had gotten up to find a dice and I suddenly realized how bad of an idea it was.

"Okay but maybe I'm not interested in making out with everyone here." I pointed out, staring at the big 'KISS' written on one of the piles.

"Kisses on the cheeks are fine," she chuckled. "but you're ruining the fun, Liv!"

I remembered that time when we were 15 and went to a stupid party. We had played spin the bottle and when it was Niall's turn, the bottle had pointed at me. I couldn't believe I was going to kiss my best friend, who was also the boy I was in love with, in front of everyone. I remember how close he was, how his eyes had roamed on my face, how I held my breath, how scared I was, and how he had apologized in a whisper right before to press his lips on mine. His 'I'm sorry' had haunted me for weeks. What did that even mean? Was he sorry that we had to kiss in front of people? Or that I had to be kissed by him? Or maybe he was just sorry he had to kiss me because he really didn't want to. We had never talked about it after that but now that there was an other chance I could kiss him, I knew I didn't want to go through that again. Would anyone notice if I got up and ran away?

"No way, I mean unless you're actually dating someone, there's no reason not to play! A kiss has never killed anyone!" Max let out, making me turn his way.

"Well, actually..."

"No, no stats darling, please." Niall cut me straight, his lips curling slightly to the right.

I raised my nose in a grimace and shrugged, glancing at the cards again. Lottie decided to start, just to show us how to play and had to kiss the person she trusted the most in the room. Without a surprised, she walked to her brother and kissed his cheek for a few seconds with an exaggerated 'muah!', making me laugh.

I watched as Gemma grabbed the dice and got a 2, picking up a 'kiss' card.

"Kiss the person you could have dated (outside of your significant other)."

Her eyes roamed on everyone and she sighed in a defeated manner. I could bet kissing her little brother's friends was not something she had ever thought about.

"I'm sorry but i've seen all of you pre-puberty and it's a complete turn off." she pointed out, getting up and walking to the other side of the living room. "Except you."

Max chuckled but got up too and I stared at them way too intensely. It's not that I didn't want to kiss anyone. In fact, I didn't really mind, but I didn't know how i'd react if I had to kiss Niall again. I honestly thought it would hurt me even more than it did the first time. The kiss lasted a bit too long and the way she gripped the side of his shirt made my heart jump. I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss I shared with Niall and how I was torn between hoping to do it again or to never do it again.

When I got out of my thoughts, I noticed Gemma was back on the couch while Max had taken place somewhere on the floor near his best friend.

"He didn't look that bad pre-puberty but he's better now, trust me." Eleanor let out, making Gemma chuckle a bit.

It took only a few seconds for Julie to breathe her courage in and grab the dice before grabbing a 'tell' card with a small relieved smile. I knew no one would have forced her to kiss someone else than her boyfriend but I could understand why it was stressing her. In fact, the amount of stress invading my body at that exactly moment was clearly too much to contain and I started playing with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

"Tell us about your most memorable kiss." she read out loud, sending a glance at Liam.

They both smiled at each other and I bite my bottom lip, forgetting how nervous I was for a few seconds. The level of complicity they had reached had me quite jealous. It must be amazing to be able to get to that point with someone when that someone was your lover. I knew Niall and I were extremely close, probably as close as Julie and Liam were, but we were just friends, and I think that toned down the relationship a bit. Not because friendship was less important than love, of course not, but because when you're best friends and dating, there was only the two of you. That intimacy wouldn't have to be shared with a boyfriend or a girlfriend outside of your relationship. It was complete. It was full. I wanted to be complete with Niall.

I glanced at him, making my heart jump in my chest, before to focus on Julie's story. I would have expected her most memorable kiss to be their first but it ended up being that one time, when he was on tour and they hadn't seen each other in weeks. It was in the way Liam had looked at her, how her whole body had given in, how it felt like the first time again... It was about how much they had missed each other and how they realized they didn't want to be apart for that long again. The romantic in my sighed internally as I brought my hands in my sleeves, gripping my shirt with both hands from inside. I could have something great with Harry, I knew it, but would we ever be as close as I was with Niall? That was clearly impossible. Right?

I saw Niall grab a card and my heart seemed to stop but I relaxed when I realized it was in the 'tell' pile. I moved my knees up, my arms around them, and leaned my cheek on them to look at my best friend. He seemed surprised by the card in his hand but finally read it outloud.

"Tell us about your most awkward kiss."

When Niall turned to me and dived his gaze in mine, I held my breath. I didn't want him to talk about that kiss we shared over a decade ago but I knew it had came to his mind and somehow, it made me feel like shit. It really was awkward, but to me, it was weird because I had feelings for him. For Niall, it was probably awkward because he didn't have feelings for me. He didn't want to do it. After all, he had apologized before doing it.

"Oh god." he chuckled, rubbing his eyes slowly and extending his legs on the carpet. "One time I was hanging out with this girl I didn't like and she just misread some signals or I don't know, and she kissed me but she did it so quick her front teeth hit my upper lip and it started bleeding. I don't know if it can be considered a kiss but it was horrible."

Everyone laughed but I just kept staring at him. I already knew about this story. That girl was one of my friends and after that day, I stopped speaking to her. Now that I thought about it, it was wrong of me because after all, she had no one idea how I felt for Niall, no one knew, but I couldn't deal with it anyway. It was not her fault, it was mine.

"Okay, my turn." Harry let out, extending his body close to me to grab the dice and pick a 'tell' card.

I felt extremely lucky that both of them had gotten that instead of a 'kiss' card. I didn't want to kiss any of them at this moment, but I also didn't want to see them kiss anyone. I closed my eyes tight at that thought, realizing how much of a loser I was, before opening them again. Harry moved his gaze up to look at me and his lips curled slightly into a fond smile. I couldn't explain how much I enjoyed it when he looked at me that way.

"Tell us about your favorite kiss." he read, his eyes never leaving mine.

I didn't want to hear about it but at the same time, I was dying to find out what kind of kiss could be his favorite. Was it romantic like Julie and Liam's? Or was it in a heated and passionate moment? I ended up thinking that knowing Harry, it could be a first kiss when he was young with someone he really loved, or an intense kiss before making love. He could give any of these answers and I wouldn't be surprised.

"My favorite non-kiss involved jello." he started, still staring at me. "And I was so close to kiss her but her clumsy ass choked on it. She probably thinks she ruined it but it made me like her even more. There was also this non-kiss in the pool, where I kept thinking about her lips and the way they would feel. Or that non-kiss at the lake where we got cock-blocked."

During his whole monologue, I held my breath and everyone was focused on him. It was always that way with Harry, he always had everyone's attention because he was captivating. I didn't want to think about everyone else in the room, though, and I didn't have to. He was looking at me, and no one else.

"But my favorite kiss is the kiss i'll get when we finally kiss for the first time. So it hasn't happened yet, but i'm still hoping for it." he concluded before I exhaled suddenly, realizing I was out of breath.

I smiled at him, my lips parting slightly and my heart jumping so hard in my chest that I honestly thought everyone could hear it through the powerful silence filling the room. No one dared to talk and Harry smiled more, chuckling low before moving his chin a bit.

"Your turn, Liv."

It took me a lot of courage to roll the dice and I had to swallow hard when I saw the number 3. I knew my luck couldn't stay forever and I shook my head, picking a 'kiss' card. I didn't want to read it, I didn't want to kiss anyone with everyone watching, and it took me forever to read the card. It took a few seconds to process what I read and I held my breath, confused and stunned by the words on the card.

'kiss the person you love the most in the room.'

I didn't even have the guts to read it outloud and I just pressed my lips together and shook my head.

"No, sorry, I can't do that."

Quickly, I got back on my feet and ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind myself. I leaned against it, my head hitting gently the wood, and closed my eyes as I tried to calm the erratic beatings of my heart. I knew my reaction would bring a lot of questions but I didn't care. I just couldn't deal with that card.

I felt the card between my fingers and held it tighter, glad that I had brought it with me so no one could read it. I slipped it in the back pocket of my jeans and pressed the palms of my hands on my eyes, trying to get rid of the shame invading my whole body and mind.

Instinctively, I thought about Niall as soon as I saw the words but picking him would be admitting something I was not ready to admit and probably never would. I knew it could pass as strong and intense friendship but I didn't think everyone would be gullible enough to believe it. It was obvious to me that at least one person would find out about how I really felt, and I was scared that that person would be Harry.

How did I really feel about Harry? Was he only there, in my heart, to fill the space I wanted Niall to fill? Was he someone I could fall in love with? Or was I doomed to date people I would never really love simply because I couldn't seem to forget about how much I loved my best friend? Was that void I wanted Niall to fill going to be there forever? Was it possible for me to be satisfied with someone the way I knew i'd be with him?

My head said it was possible for me to be happy without him, but my heart screamed louder, telling me i'd always be missing something inside of me and I tended to listen to my heart in every circumstances.

I jumped in surprise when I heard a knock at the door and moved away from it. I was not ready to face anyone but i knew i'd have to, sooner or later, and perhaps it was better to do it now and get it over with.

"Babe?" I heard a low but high voice. "Please, let us in."

I recognized Eleanor's voice and the surprise was even bigger. We've always been on good terms but I wouldn't consider us close. Still, I had to admit I was touched by the fact that she was ready to be there for me and I unlocked the door, opening it slowly. The shock was even bigger when I saw Lottie, Gemma, Julie and Maya waiting with her. I stood there, motionless, my lips slightly parted, and El just raised her eyebrows.

"Can we come in?"

The bathroom was large but clearly not built for 6 girls and I sat on the edge of the bath tub while the others leaned on the walls, sat on the toilet or simply on the floor and I waited until someone would talk.

"Okay so I don't know what your card is, but clearly, you want to kiss Harry, right?"

"Uhm.."

What was I supposed to answer to that? No one knew how I felt for Niall, meaning that no one could help me with this confusion that was tearing me apart. All of them thought my reaction had everything to do with Harry when it was a lie, and I had to keep on lying.

"Oh what he said about the kiss?" Maya let out, moving her upper body in our direction as her lips curled into a naive but happy smile. "That was so great! It wasn't even for me and it made my heart melt!"

I knew she was thinking about Niall and I swallowed.

"Yea." Gemma groaned before letting out a chuckle. "My brother has that effect on people."

"Wait." Julie quickly said, raising one of her hands to get silence. She turned to me. "You want to kiss Harry, Liv, right?"

"I mean..." I slowly raised one of my shoulders as my eyes roamed on the five girls around me. "I guess, yes."

That was not a lie. I just omitted to add that I'd prefer to kiss NIall.

"We could cheat?" Lottie proposed. "So they get to kiss? Or find a game that will have them kiss immediately?"

"7 minutes in heaven?" Maya quickly suggested, her face illuminating.

"What are we, 12?"

The discussion kept going but I remained silent, only half-listening to what they were proposing as they threw ideas on how and when I could finally kiss Harry. I knew they meant well, and I could admit that I was deeply grateful and moved by the fact that they were there for me and cared enough to try and help me. I had known these girls for a while and I liked them a lot, but even Maya, whom I had just met, was trying to find a solution and the fact that it made her even more perfect than she already was made something stir in my stomach.

Their voices became a background noise and I suddenly held my breath and jumped on my feet again. I was tired to wait, tired to ask myself questions, tired to analyze every move of everyone, including myself. I deserved to be happy, I owed myself to at least try, and it was time I did something about it.

"I know what to do." I just whispered, opening the door and walking out of the bathroom.

They remained motionless and in shock for a few seconds but ended up following me to the living room, getting there just in time.

The boys were now standing up, talking and drinking. I noticed Harry saying something and Niall laughed but they both noticed me when I entered the room. I had never felt so determined in my life. I knew I had to do it and I knew I had to do it now. It didn't matter where we were and with who. All that mattered was this.

I walked up to them and noticed Harry's lips curl at my sight. Quickly, I got on my tiptoe, gripped his shirt tight and pressed my lips on his. He smelled like expensive cologne and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his mouth against mine. His hands found my waist but I could barely feel the tip of his fingers brushing against my sweater as he deepened the kiss but kept everything slow and gentle. He tasted amazing: a mix of sweet alcohol and caramel. How was that even possible?

I think I heard a few positive reactions around me but I tried to shut down every single senses except the ones that made me enjoy this kiss. The way he smelled, tasted, felt... And at this exact moment, I asked myself why this hadn't happened before? Why did we wait so long to get this incredible and inexplicable feeling? There was no answer and I pushed the questions away to focus on this moment that I knew i'd never forget.

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 12 - Candy Page 18

==>

Time to see what all the fuss was about Page 18.  We’re with Jane... that might not be good.  Especially given Lollipop proximity.

Jane scoffing at troll genocide again.  :(

Gamzee seems more woke than Jane here.

GAMZEE: sO yOu SaYiN yOu NeEd DiFfErEnT sHoEs FoR yOuR hUmAn DiCkS aNd WhAt NoT?

Pfffff

Jane narrows her eyes at the disingenuous buffoon.

I dunno, he sounds like he’s being pretty goddamn ingenuous right now.

It’s not the first time they’ve had this conversation?  Are they black with each other or something??

What’s more likely is he’s attempting to get a rise from her. To get her a little hotter under the collar. To put her in a certain mood.

Oh my gosh she’s genuinely black for him, hahahahah

GAMZEE: AnD AlL I EvEr bEeN TrYiN To dO Is gEt yOu rIgHt tOo, WiTh mOrAlS AnD GoOdNeSs, AlL fIlLeD uP iNsIdE yOu As TiGhT aS yOuR tAsTy HoE bAlLoOnS aRe WiTh HuMaN mOo JuIcE.

Jesus christ that’s not the kind of metaphor i want to be hearing from canon

or anyone for that matter

JANE: No! I’d rather die than touch your disgusting clown baton ever again.

....yyyeah, context is showing she’s PROBABLY super Black into this.  Still, pretty jarring to see a clear consensual “NO” right in the middle of things.

Quit calling her a dairy queen!!! D: D: D:

Oh god they named the baby Tavros.

Alright, there’s some grade A discomfort in this scene, which I’m enjoying, really.  I can see why they singled out page 18.  I could traumatize some people with some of these paragraphs out of context.

HOO HOO HOO, THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO THE DARK CARNIVAL!!!

Eeeeuugh

JAKE: Anyway whats up with you? Hows life with davekat going? JADE: oh its great! im really glad i just went for it JADE: all of us together... it really is the best of every world

God damnit Jade why are you obliviously torturing them????????

You could’ve been REALLY GOOD for them both if you just FUCKING LISTENED TO THEM AND RESPECTED THEM INSTEAD OF SITTING ON THEM.

JADE: theres no way me and dave could have a regular baby together because im... JAKE: Whats wrong? JADE: well lets just say that after all the sburb stuff its done some things to my body JADE: like merging with bec mostly

Oh my FUCKING GOD please don’t canonize this.  This didn’t need to be spelled out so-- D:

jesus

D: D: D:

This... is actually making my stomach roil again????

like

not because id object to-- i mean, it’s one thing to deal with

FAN SCENARIOS

ISOLATED divergences from canon where she has to deal with that and its kind of hilarious, but can be safely ignored when it comes to her character arc as a whole

but once its CANON????????   D: D: D:

suddenly you can’t IGNORE the full import when you’re done with, like, an RP or something, of the psychological struggle she would be forced to deal with given an abnormal biological situation.  Instead of thinking “Oh, that could be pretty painful to deal with! Let’s explore it temporarily for fun” it becomes “Oh, that would be painful to deal with and you have to think about her having to deal with all the complications of that whenever you hear about her LITERALLY FOREVER.”  D:

andrew i know you couldnt resist because of how funny and practically-xenoprogressive it was but whyyyyyyyyy did you have to canonize that WHYYYY

Now instead of a fun joke thought it also has to be SAD FOREVER

AAAAAAAA  D’:

i dont know why this would be the line thats crossed to upset me

Rose surrogate?

JADE: no jake, dave wouldnt be the father in this scenario!

Pffffff.  Andrew’s just diving RIGHT into the, er, doggy fanfics here.  I should... TRY to lighten up about this.  Try.  D:

(...wait, shit.  Knowing my friend, THIS whole bit is why they alluded to this page.  God damnit.)

[[ EDIT:  askshenhibiki said:

Now that you read Candy 18, flash back to Meat when Roxy is talking about gender... and look at Jade's reaction looking at "where her hands rest on her lap". Yes, Meat hinted at that "mix" too.

Ah, let’s see...

ROXY: and so i got to thinking ROXY: what even is gender ROXY: amirite lol? JADE: oh yeah JADE: that makes sense i guess........

Jade looks at where her hands are folded in her lap. Bites her lip. She has her own concerns about this, her own thoughts. Reasonable thoughts, I’d say. But I’ll refrain from any further comment. I’m staying away from this subject, from now on.

...yeah, guess Dirk at least had the decency not to spring all that on us before Jade got the opportunity to do it honestly. ]]

Guh, back to Jake suffering in his sad, trapped scenario.  I hope THAT gets at least resolved by the end of this.  Someone save Jake from this, because it looks like he’s not really that capable of saving himself?

==>

Dammit, Jade, I’m cringing at these descriptions of your intrusion.

Oh wow, John went for the mustache.  Guess we knew that from, like, his stuffed statue oldself?

Jade doesn’t pick up on the obvious subtext in the conversation, however, because she’s been willfully undermining the subtext in her own personal life for nearly a year now.

D:  D:  D:

Seriously, Jade, how is what YOU’RE doing any better than what you were frustrated at seeing THEM doing, avoiding the real feelings and truth of anything even if it was conspicuously on body-language display?

KARKAT: THE NEW ADMINISTRATION IS CRACKING DOWN ON CERTAIN KINDS OF INTERSPECIES ADOPTION LAWS.

It’s like Andrew wants us deprived of even a happy imagined future for Earth C on top of everything else!!!  What the hell! >:(

Is this about politics?  Is Andrew just venting his anger that the Orange Guy is going to get away with ruining everything forever??  Because as understandable as that is, he could at least give us some imaginary happyfutures to look forward to.

Reading on... Hm, yet another intentionally-misused fridging reference.

KARKAT: HIS RELATIONSHIP IS A FLAMING WRECK OF AN INTERSTELLAR WARSHIP HURTLING TOWARDS THE PLANET AT TERMINAL VELOCITY WITH THE ENTIRE CREW BRUTALLY SLAUGHTERED UPON REENTRY, SHOVED STRAIGHT DOWN THE CHAGRIN TUNNEL AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SHAT OUT THE OTHER SIDE, THUS FLOODING THE ENTIRE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD WHEN IT CLOGS UP THE LOAD GAPER.

Yep, that triangle’s fucked.  Wonder if the conversation’s going to transition to the CURRENT triangle’s problems...

...yeah, John using the R word there isn’t far from the fucking truth from the looks of things.

JADE: maybe that would work for a few days, but one thing i learned from dating around a lot in my youth is that no ones going to leave a bad relationship until its THEIR idea to leave

She takes in a shaky breath and shuts her eyes. Her hair spills around her face when she leans forward to put her chin on her knees. Dave and Karkat exchange a look that is equal parts confused, miserable, and desperate.

Oh SHIT.  Is JADE going to be the one to finally vocalize about the problems here???

Something else comes hurtling out of the hole in the sky, too fast for Jade to catch. It hits the ground with a clap of green lightning. The collision sends a geyser of dirt, rock, and vapor into the air. Dave flash-steps to shield Karkat. Jade doesn’t move, taking the brunt of the explosion face on, using her abilities to warp the energy around her so that she’s a mote at the center of the storm. When the dust clears, she’s the first to jump in the crater, trailing smoke behind her.

There’s a body at the center of it. The torso is bloody, tangled, and curled into a fetal position. Its shoes are missing, but otherwise the outfit is quite familiar to her: it’s a dead ringer for her old Witch of Space uniform. Jade touches the body with the toe of her shoe, and then gasps when it rolls over to reveal its face.

JADE: its... JADE: ME???

Okay what the FUCK.  It sounds like there’s going to be some context for that postscript after all.  Something to bridge the gap between when that 16-yo Jade falls into the singularity and when Aradia goes off with her through a wormhole

I’m going to guess up front that this happens BEFORE the postscript... this younger version of Jade fell into the black hole and came out in THIS alternate timeline, possibly rather changed by the experience.  But then again, the way the sky opened up... actually, couldn’t that be just a “natural” manifestation of the black hole abilities encouraged by Calliope or done by the singularity alone, followed by later in the Postscript this Jade actually getting control of it??

And... reading on, from the sound of it, her eyes aren’t black yet, either.  Sounds like that’s to come, before the postscript.  Question being, is it alt!Callie black eyes, or some black-hole-powers visual manifestation?  Wait, never mind, I misread; this teenage Jade-corpse has NOT opened their eyes yet, so they couldn’t possibly tell, and the stuff about them “shaking” was about the adult Jade standing over her.  Never mind.  Let’s see which timeframe this Jade came from.

Also STOP TRAUMATIZING ADULT JADE ON SCREEN ITS NOT OKAY IM SICK OF IT ANDREW

==>

Page 20...

Stop letting babby not!Vriska bully babby not!Tavros.

Hm... same stupid tooth poison?  No, Jade didn’t get hit with a tooth... so it’s more getting hit with shards of spacetime and spiraling down a black hole.  Also whatever alt!Callie did to just barely keep her alive.

Hm, so the Heart stuff falls apart if you’re too separated from the mass-whole at Light’s center?  That’s certainly a hypothesis at least.

ROXY: sounds like its time for another funeral lmao

ROXY WAKE THE FUCK UP AND STOP BEING A VAGUELY ROXY-LOOKING LMAO-ZOMBIE.  WHERE THE FUCK DID REAL ROXY GO.

And where the fuck is Calliope anyway, she’s just being left in the dust and nobody’s even talked to her from the looks of it.

Hm, cut apart by political differences, this group...?

ROXY: woah ok karkat i get ur all fired up about politics and stuff but lay off gamz ok

ROXY WHO REPLACED YOUR FUCKING BRAIN WITH A BLOCK OF CHEESE

ROXY YOU’RE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER PLEASE GIVE US AN EXPLANATION FOR WHY YOU’RE ACTING NOTHING LIKE THE COOL SMART PERSON WE READ ABOUT.

JADE: dave what the FUCK did you say to him downstairs?

Oh my god you asshole don’t blame DAVE for this >:(

ROXY: this time next week well corpse party like its the end of the world!

I don’t want to think this has anything to do with Aradia, but we DID see her in that postscript bit...  And, I mean, what the hell could she even do??  It’s not like this Roxy is just Aradia in really convincing cosplay or something.

==>

She leads John and Jake into the building and down the center of the nave, humming happily to herself the entire time. An equally effusive Calliope trails behind her, carrying a bouquet of purple flowers.

Well there’s Callie. What is WITH these hypnotized motherfuckers.  I need a revelation on these shenanigans STAT.

What is with people being bathed in light here?

each time we witness death, we fall in love in with the important people in oUr lives all over again.

Calliope is gazing at Roxy with glassy eyes. She sniffs as she plucks the last petal from her rose. A breeze washes through the cathedral from the crack in the door at the end of the room, brushing the petal off-course and causing it to get stuck in Roxy’s over-sprayed hair. Calliope reaches out with a visibly shaking hand to remove the plant offal, but she does not draw back. Instead, she lets her hand graze down the side of Roxy’s face and cup her cheek. Roxy puts her own hand over Callie’s and holds it.

Uhhh.... huh.

So.

If Roxy was just lying to herself, then............ WHY??????

John tilts his head and squints at the image in front of him. Hmm.

Is John realizing he’s in some sort of fanfic drawn by another character, hence all the people in serene lightbeams at tender but unjustified moments?

Everyone whips their heads around to see, of all people, Aradia hovering in the foyer

Pff

(...I hope Aradia didn’t come here, like, from the postscript.  Where the “action” she talked about might have just been this corpse party.  Because that would be pretty fucking lame.)

KARKAT: MAYBE FUCKING NEPETA IS ABOUT TO POUNCE FROM BEHIND THAT GROTESQUE STATUE OF THE HUMAN SUFFERER T-POSING OVER THERE.

Pfffffffffff

The description of Human Jesus we all had in our hearts, but were too afraid to voice.

Alright, now we see the body we took our eyes off of.  Is it going to get back up, or did it escape earlier?

since nobody was willing to dislodge the huge, otherworldly shard from her chest

My damn god, people.

...alright finally, everyone’s talking.

JANE: Agreed. I’ve always felt that Kanaya has done an exemplary job of providing a model for compassionate, empathetic behavior, which others of her kind would do well to follow.

JANE STOP BEING A XENOPHOBIC BASTARD

CALLIOPE: please. roxy gathered yoU all here for a reason. CALLIOPE: at least listen Until the end. CALLIOPE: after that yoU can argUe all you want.

...Huh.  Huuuuhh.  What the fuck is all this for.  Are you saying ROXY caused this? Or...?

Okay I like this reinforcement she’s making in her speech about how different changes can influence how all of this unfolds, gives me hope that maybe these two cliffhangers aren’t all we’re going to be left with and we’ll be able to at least think of an IMPLIED future different from them if we wanted to like we thought about the seemingly-infinite-possibility original ending of Homestuck that I’d rather have been stuck with than this oh god breathe boots

okay there’s the labor going into good distraction

alright corpse get back up

JADE: i am not jade.

Right, so like the black eyes in the postscript suggested this is more just a... vessel for alt!Calliope now?  To give HER a future beyond the one she sacrificed for that black hole business?  And between alt!Callie’s became-the-black-hole nature and Jade’s Spacey Green Sun connection that’s been singularified, she has access to cool Black Hole powers?  And is gonna do cool shit with them in implied future adventures we won’t see while Aradia gleefully watches the carnage?  Huh.

The congregation watches her go, but no one moves to help her, or even looks in her direction. In her wake, she leaves a primal, echoing wail.

Oh my god why wouldn’t they have just a brief discussion or something IT’S NOT THAT BAD  D:

JADE: and while i cannot say the same thing for the rest of you, JADE: i, at least, am exactly where i am meant to be.

Well fuck.  So she just disconfirmed this timeline as... something.  Relevant, possible, I dunno.

JADE: and i have entered this body to protect your world.

Okay that’s good.  So thanks to alt!Calliope these side timelines where things unfolded differently MAY be preserved.  Pretty fitting given alt!Callie’s origins.

.......unless there’s some other stupid interspecies civil war threat that she’s going to be fighting too, here, when the political situation falls apart.  Dammit.

==>

Terezi talk Terezi talk

-- JOHN EGBERT sent TEREZI PYROPE the photo “ghostrain.jpg” --

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 4CTU4L FUCK JOHN: it started a few days ago. the sky above the capital of the troll kingdom just cracked open and ghosts began raining down everywhere.

Oh my GOD.  So alt!Callie kind of “saved” all the doomed ghosts that got swallowed up in the black hole by redirecting them all to THIS UNIVERSE and timeline???????

That’s pretty interesting!  Heck my stomach’s even calming down!

they can’t even be judges! TEREZI: G4SP

Yeah that’s pretty terrible!

...yep, the resistance WOULD put him in charge.  I had a feeling it may have ended up in that direction in Candy since it wasn’t in Meat.

--oh FUCK YOU Jade for splitting up what he had with Karkat before they could sort it out!!! You did the OPPOSITE OF HELP and neither of them are going to end up happy thanks to you! D:<

PFFF wow, John’s so concerned about babby not!Tavros’s living situation that he’s considering legit kidnapping.  That means things must be pretty fucking bad.

--okay Calliope’s still out and about with Roxy instead of being cooped up in her room like in the other timeline, that’s good.

Pff, trying to redeem Ghost Eridan in front of Ghost Feferi.  Yep, that’s Gamzee.

GAMZEE: fIrSt, A LiTtLe RiGhTeOuS sPlAsH oF tHe NaNnA nEcTaR tO cLeAnSe ThAt DaNkNeSs FrOm YoUr SoUlS...

Gamzee takes out a baby bottle and flicks it, covering them both with little drops of milk, as clergy does with holy water. He then takes a swig from the bottle himself before returning it to his codpiece.

Jesus.  Fucking.  Christ.

I don’t want to believe that what’s in that bottle is what he’s making it sound like it is, but OF COURSE it is.  Why would it be anything else.  I bet there’s not even any Lifey hypnosis going on, it’s just the literal stuff.

The crowd falls silent as they raise their heads to watch a drone ship pass by overhead.

Jegus fuck stop going whole hog condesce janey

ROXY: lmao you worry too much ROXY: janeys got her head on straight shell show you yet

ROXY.  WHERE DID YOUR BRAIN GO.  I MISS IT.  YOUR BRAIN WAS THE BEST FUCKING PART OF YOU.

Touching photo.

Alright lemme post split.  I haven’t gotten as far as the last post plowed through since I’ve been typing so much... ah well.

[joshpup]

To Love or Not to Love // Pt. 3

Intro // Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // Pt. 4 // Pt. 5 // Pt. 6 // Pt. 7 // Pt. 8 // Pt. 9 // Pt. 10 // Pt. 11 // Pt. 12 // Pt. 13 // Pt. 14 // Pt. 15 // Pt. 16 // Pt. 17 Word Count: 2,033 Genre: Svt Mafia Au Member: Mingyu TW: Angst, Violence, mention of blood, there will be fluff eventually i promise. idk about tw if there is one i should add pls let me know im bad at them

Joshua may have been much nicer to you to then you had expected, but that still didn't change the fact you were their prisoner. After Joshua had finished putting everything away, he took you back to the oh so plain room and locked you in once more. You weren’t as bitter and angry when you first were locked away, but that didn’t mean you were happy. You were far from happy, just a little more comfortable. You walked back to the corner of the room and settled yourself against the two walls, and just as you were drifting off to sleep, you hear quite a racket off people, which you could only assume were the others getting back from whatever “business” they had been attending too.

You woke up to a knock on the door, and not long after Joshua walked through with another tray of food. You stood up and met him halfway.

“Good morning.” Joshua said, placing the tray of food on the edge of the bed again.

“Well, I wouldn’t say ‘good,’ but anyways… Morning.” You said bitterly as you looked down at the food, just like last time, the food looked pretty appetizing. Minus the fact you were locked in a room, you didn’t feel too much like a prisoner. Joshua chuckled a little and there was a moment of silence.

“Did everyone come back last night?” You questioned.

“Everyone except Hansol and Seungcheol.” Joshua answered. Of course, you had no idea who those names belonged too, so you just nodded slightly, a slightly confused expression on your face.

“Ah, Hansol is our guy that stays up to date with everything, and Seungcheol is the boss.” Joshua explained, noticing your confused look.

“So, does Seungcheol know I’m here yet?”

“Unless Hansol’s told him, I don’t think he does know.” Joshua said, fiddling with the edge of the tray a little. You nodded once more, watching Joshua.

“Mingyu said that he’d come up and see you soon.” Joshua said after a moment of silence.

“Tell him not too. I don’t want to talk to him.” You stated bluntly. Joshua nodded, an understanding expression on his face.

“I have a feeling no matter what I tell Mingyu, it’s not going to stop him, but I’ll let him know.” Joshua said, turning towards the door, “make sure you actually eat something this time.” and with that, the door was closed. You weren’t sure if you heard the door lock this time, but honestly you didn’t have a desire to go out of the room now. It was quiet and no one was there to bother you. You picked at the food for a bit, eating a tiny bit but not much of it. You didn’t have an appetite anymore. The thought of having to face Mingyu was enough to rid you of your appetite.

You stared at the food for a while, then got up and walked around the room aimlessly. To say the least you were bored, and really just wanted to take a shower and freshen up. You were tired of being locked up in the room, if they planned on keeping you there forever they might as well let you out. It felt like years before the door opened again. You quickly stood up from where you sat on the foot of the bed as the doorknob turned and the door was pushed open. You had expected to see Joshua again, but this time it was Mingyu. He poked his head through the small opening he had made opening the door and looked at you. You had never felt so many different emotions flood your body at one time. Your first reaction upon seeing his face was to quickly walk towards the door. He looked taken aback when you rushed towards him, but that only made it easier for you to push him out of the room and slam the door shut, planting yourself firmly in front of it to keep him from opening the door again. He pushed at the door a few times but you were holding it in place as if your life depended on it.

“Oh, come on (y/n)!” You heard Mingyu whine from the other side of the door.

“Leave me alone!” You shouted back. There was a moment of silence and then footsteps sounded getting softer with each step. You hadn’t expected him to leave so easily… You stayed blocking the door just in case he came back, but after a few minutes and no sign of anyone in the halls, let alone trying to get to your room you finally let the door be. You walked back to the bed and stared at it for a while. Why did I just trap myself in this room? You thought to yourself. I should have tried to get out… You shrugged your shoulders, it was too late anyways, no use beating yourself up over it.

When the door opened for the third time that day, you were on high alert. Pleasantly (or as pleasant as it can get being held hostage), this time it was Joshua again.

“Mingyu came down in such a bad mood, what did you do to him?” Joshua questioned as he walked into the room. You shrugged your shoulders. Joshua ran his fingers through his hair and let out a sigh.

“Is there anything you need?” Joshua asked after a moment of silence.

“To get out of this room.” you said after thinking for a while.

“You might see Mingyu. And I can’t guarantee the other members will be nice to you. Most of them don’t want you here.” Joshua stated.

“Yah, a few of them did try to kill me, I think I know I’m not to welcome.” You said, rolling your eyes slightly.

“Alright… Don’t try to leave the house if I let you out, you’ll be killed for sure.” Joshua said, his voice much more stern than you’d ever heard it. You nodded and followed him out of the room. You were honestly so happy to be out of that room and be able to look out a window and see sunlight that you didn’t care you’d see Mingyu, or the guys who almost killed you a few days ago. You followed Joshua down the hall and towards the stairs. As you passed the many doors, you could hear music softly playing behind one of the walls, but you passed too quickly to figure out exactly which room it was coming from. You followed closely behind Joshua as you walked down the stairs and towards the kitchen like the night before. The sunlight filled the house beautifully. Honestly, how such awful people could have such a nice house like this made you puzzled… maybe they weren’t as bad as you thought. You shook your head slightly. Don’t think like that (y/n), they kidnapped you!

The two of you walked through the kitchen and into another connecting room that you hadn’t noticed the night before. The room, which you would call the living room (but it's debatable), had a few couches, and a TV mounted on the wall. In one corner of the room stood a wrack with clothes hanging from it, and beside that was a table piled with various things, from more clothes to an umbrella and even some pots and pans. There were even rolls of papers that at first glance looked like maps too you and knowing these people, it was probably blueprints to some poor person’s store.

There were several people in the room, some on the couch, some laying on the floor or leaning against the wall, doing their own things. Some on their phones, one person reading, another person writing something down, but as soon as you and Joshua walked into the room their heads turned and soon all eyes were on you.

“Josh, why’d you let them out?” someone you had never seen before questioned, standing up to reveal just how short he was compared to the others in the group.

“Don’t worry Jihoon, (y/n) not going to go anywhere. Do you think she could really leave this house?” Joshua asked, waving his hands a little to gesture to the house. Jihoon gave Joshua a look that could kill.

“I won’t take my eyes off them.” Joshua assured.

“Mingyu should be the one watching over them, not you…” Minghao, looking over from where he sat on the couch.

“I’d rather die than have to spend time with Mingyu.” You blurted out.

“We can arrange that.” Jun said, glaring at you. You glared back at him. If the tension in the room wasn’t already high, it was now. Everyone was silent, and no one moved. You didn’t dare move, let alone breath. You felt as if you made one wrong move you’d die right there on the spot. Was this how everyone normally acted, or is everyone stressed for some reason? You didn’t know, but you could hope this wasn’t their normal way of acting.

“Why is everyone so quiet?” A voice called from in the kitchen. You turned around to see Mingyu walking towards the living room, which also meant towards you. For some reason, your first instinct was to move behind Joshua, out of Mingyu’s reach. This action not only earned you a glare from Mingyu, but Joshua also got a good bit of Mingyu’s attitude. He brushed passed the two of you and threw himself down on the couch next to Minghao and Jun.

“Why aren’t you watching over (y/n)? You said you would…” Minghao said once again.

“(Y/n) won’t let me get near them.” Mingyu stated.

“Well that’s your issue.” a guy with longish hair spoke up for the first time since you entered the room. “You said you’d take care of them, don’t push your job off on Joshua. He’s got his own things I need him to do.”

“Hey, I only asked him to watch over them last night while we were gone. And Josh’s not some person you can boss around anymore, Jeonghan.”

“I shouldn’t have left my room…” Your whispered, barely audibly to your own ears, let alone anyone else.

“Look Mingyu, I don’t have a problem watching over (y/n), but when the boss comes home it’s all on you. Don’t push this onto me.” Joshua finally spoke up.

“Sounds good, plus if anyone would know how to take care of (y/n) it’s you.” Mingyu said with a shrug of his shoulders. Before you could even blink there was a pillow being smacked in Mingyu’s face and a loud grunt from Jeonghan. Joshua shifted from foot to foot awkwardly while the others expressions changed from frustration to a look you couldn’t quite pinpoint. Joshua cleared his throat.

“Well, once the boss gets back I have to go out for a few days with Jeonghan so you better learn Mingyu.” Joshua said before turning to leave the room, you close behind him.

When the two of you had made it far enough away to go unheard, Joshua laughed a bit.

“That was dramatic.” You nodded. You had expected to be under fire, but not quite like that. You followed Joshua around the for a bit as he showed around the house. At first glance, you didn’t think it would be that big, but it was actually really big. Then again, they are part of the mafia, so it’s not like they wouldn’t have money. They had a huge exercise room, the boss's room (which no one but the boss was allowed in unless summoned), all the rooms upstairs, the kitchen and living room which you’d already seen, a dance room for some reason and then a few rooms Joshua said he couldn’t show you. You guessed they had something to do with their line of work, so you didn’t ask, partly for your own safety, and partly because you didn’t want to know what type of terrible things they are doing.

After Joshua had shown you every part of the house he could, he turned to you.

“Anything else you want to know?” He questioned.

“Yah,” you started, “When can I take a shower?”

Next...

[cynabu]

Wednesday May 6 6:52 AM

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? Not a player I just crush a lot jk no

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? Currently.

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in? I’ve been dating Steven since I was 22. I’m 29 in Nov.

4: Have you ever changed for someone? I think it’s important to work on yourself for someone, not change who you are fundamentally. I’m trying to be less sensitive & I would push myself to be better for a partner with no shame. & that’s on productive change. Evolution

5: How is your relationship with your ex? I don’t believe in being friends with your exes, but the two other people I have loved Im on good terms with. I would never hate or put down an ex. I chose them so they’re a reflection of my choices. If I saw them in the streets I’d be glad & say hi. I appreciate them, but I don’t think you need your exes in your space. Say thank you & move forward.

7: Have you ever cheated? No. That’s not me.

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating? No. lol cheating is about the cheater not who they are with. No partner can fix that.

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship? Returning one another’s bids for attention, however small. Commitment, empathy, honesty, vulnerability. Laughing a lot

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? I had always preferred not to be & hence wasn’t but I don’t like relationships. I just like Steven.

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”? no. That’s for white people. What the hell is that

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? A lady never tells

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? just acting out of insecurity rather than love. Being immasculating

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? When they aren’t kids probably.

15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”? To an extent, it can be. Steven is 6 years older & I don’t feel that at all except he’s more financially independent than I am currently but he was that way at 28 too.

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? Honestly, I think we can tell a lot from a person non-verbally. & you really can be attracted to someone’s energy, the way they carry themselves, how they dress, their body language. Says a lot about them. Steven’s energy is so alpha and I liked that right away

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? yes. If you like boys who are good at texting

18: What do you consider a deal breaker? Abuse, any kind

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? When the measure of love isn’t mutual

20: Are you currently in a relationship? yes.

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? No. You can be on good terms but I don’t think being friends works.

22: Do you think people should date their friends? well your SO should be your best friend.

23: How many relationships have you had? 3. One in HS, one in college, Steven

24: Do you think love can last forever? 100% but not with the values most young people have these days

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? Yes!

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of? Yes, I think so. I respect their opinion a lot. My parents love Steven & he loves them so much

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? Only be intimate with people you love

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? No, not sustainable long term but yes temporarily. Steven will be leaving for a year wahhhh

29: What do you notice first about another person? Probably their build? Just how much space they take up & how they walk. I just like really masculine guys personally

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? straight

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? Bother me? Yes that would be hard but it’s not a deal breaker necessarily

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? No, i don’t think I would be. I have a good relationship with my dad & I don’t look for love in the wrong places.

33: Do you want to get married one day? yessssssssssssss

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed? I don’t want any tattoos

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? yes if it was like a disaster that happened to someone you used to have sex with but i love sex

36: Are you still a virgin? no

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? Your personality largely affects the way you look to me. I really don’t care about looks although there are physical things I’m attracted to that I think represent personality traits

38: Do you enjoy love films? Pride & prejudice all the way!

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? yes to both!

40: Have you ever had a valentine? Yessireee

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”? Trying something new together! & holding hands. Maybe being in the snow or the rain, good conversation. A cute kiss

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”? Yes, they were angsty but I get it

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? It’s a hierarchy but both are important. It’s also the sort of thing where love trumps work, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to miss work every day just to stay home and hang out. It’s situational and about balance. I do believe when you’re married that person is #1. That’s how my parents raised us. They loved each other even before they loved us and I’m glad they did because the love has lasted a quarter of a century as a result

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? Totally!

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? I’m in a relationship

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”? Yes. It sucks

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite? The obamas

48: What’s your favorite love song? At last. & let’s stay together

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Yes

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? n/a

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? poor 100 times

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?

Yeah I think so. A lot of people say “leave him/her” at the first sign of trouble. I don’t believe that

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single?

No I loved being on my own

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)? I definitely think it’s shady if you don’t WANT to post your girl or guy on your social media. You should be so excited and proud to show them off! I don’t get why people date someone like that . This should be a non issue

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? Not me

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? If another person can destroy your relationship it’s already destroyed broh but no. I don’t like home wreckers

57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart? No, i do not think it’s at all “silly”

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? submissive if I had to choose but most people are a bit of both depending on situation. I definitely like a man I can trust enough to defer to

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? No

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships? In theory sounds great. In practice a mess & a headache

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family? : my partner is my family

62: How do you define “cheating”? Anything thing you wouldn’t say/do in front of your partner

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? No

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated? I like to do something special and cute. cost doesn’t matter. I don’t like going out that day because it’s crowded everywhere & anyway it’s nice to make other random days special too!

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? YES cuddling is life

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Worship from Home: July 9, 2017

This series aims to provide folks who can’t make it to church for any variety of reasons with prayers, songs, and sermons. My hope is that these posts will help you worship from home, knowing that others are using the same content and thus, though we may be miles and miles apart, we worship together. See this post for more information.

If you prefer to worship with different material, see this masterpost of sermons and full services online that should all be LGBT+ friendly.

Connecting the various scriptures for this week may appear difficult at first, but the central theme tying them all together is that of grace -- received rather than earned. Being the beloved of God is another theme. Moreover, as this webpage notes, “There is also a distinctly female note in the texts, and it might offer opportunities to explore a dimension of the Bible which is often overlooked.”

[Image description: a painting of Rebekah giving water to Abraham’s servant, who is acting as a go-between for Isaac the suitor. A camel can be seen behind Rebekah, whom she also watered. Rebekah will soon decide -- she is given her own choice! -- to go with the servant to take Isaac as her husband. She will leave the land and culture she knows to do so -- when are we like Rebekah, choosing to go where we do not know in order to follow the will of God?] 

Let us worship God, together.

(The worship material is under the readmore – let me know if you are unable to access it!)

Gathering 

Let the sound of this South African song, “Come Bring Your Burdens to God,” wash over you. 

If you cannot listen, the English part of the lyrics goes like this:

“Come bring your burdens to God, / Come bring your burdens to God, / Come bring your burdens to God / for Jesus will never say no.”

Reflect: What burdens do you have right now in your life? Do you believe Jesus will take them -- will help you to carry them? Who else can help you carry them? Whose burden can you help carry? 

Call to Worship

Blessed be God who creates all out of nothing; Blessed be Jesus who gives all for nothing; Blessed be the Spirit for whom nothing is impossible; Blessed be God forever!

Creator Spirit, wellspring of our lives, As your faithfulness is deeper than the deepest ocean carry us safely on the tide of your love.

As the refreshing rain falls on the just and unjust alike Refresh us with your mercy, who know our own injustice.

As a river flows steadily on, defying all the odds of stone and water Flow over every boundary and border that separates us from each other.

As we were once held in the waters of our parent’s womb, Hold us in the peace and power of your abiding presence.

As the waters of our baptism washed us and welcomed us Renew us now in fullness of life and unity of love. Amen, thanks be to God!

[source]

Confession

God who startles and upturns our expectations,

You do not reveal your Wisdom to the ones the world calls wise. Rather, Wisdom dazzles the minds of infants; She dances with those we call fools and whispers Her secrets to those we shove to the margins.

Have mercy on us when we do not recognize Her among the downtrodden.  Have mercy on us when we do not recognize Her amongst ourselves in our own struggles with illness, with poverty, with oppression. 

Have mercy on us when we fail to use your grace to fight for justice and peace for all your Creation.

Have mercy on us when we doubt your promise to lift our burdens from our shoulders to take us in your arms as your Beloved.

Assurance of Pardon

God of Grace,

You make the fool wise and you call the unwanted your Beloved.  We give thanks and praise for your unending grace,  for the love and compassion you extend to us when we are distracted by burdens or weighed down by doubts. 

Assured of your mercy, we can move forward  striving ever onward to the full life you secured for us and lifting others up along the way. 

Amen. 

Hymn: “I Want to Walk as a Child of the Light”

Scripture

Genesis 24:34-67

Commentary on this passage (which is my personal favorite scriptural account of courtship): “The Old Testament readings...all celebrate the gift of love and marriage, though in quite different ways. Genesis introduces us to Rebekah, one of the great matriarchs of the Bible... Rebekah has an arranged marriage, perhaps the ultimate arranged marriage, since God plays a decisive part in it. ..." [source]

Song of Songs 8:2-13

Commentary on this passage: “The passage from the Song of Songs is unmediated and personal, and its unnamed woman singer is overflowing with anticipation and joy. It catches the sweet constraint of anticipation, the discipline of waiting for something eagerly hoped-for. It is perhaps one of the most difficult and yet most deepening aspects of our humanity: it is the last weeks of pregnancy, the last days of the school year before the holidays, the last long miles of the weary traveller’s journey home. ...Now is the time for singing! And who could disagree that, in truth, the singing is not more joyous, the source not more deeply carved into our being, because of the anticipation.” [source]

Hymn: a contemporary piece called “Come Away with Me” by Norah Jones fits the themes of the Song of Songs passage well. 

Romans 7:15-25a

Commentary on this passage: “A whole sermon could easily explore the ways in which we don’t do the good we want to; rather do the evil we don’t want to. Are we driven by the need to justify ourselves -- either by our worldly achievements or by our spiritual perfectionism? What does it mean to let go of our striving? When are we most open to grace?” [source]

Matthew 11:16-30

Commentary on this passage: It "connects us again with Sophia, Wisdom, in both her strengths and her limitations, and again it’s worth reading the whole chapter, for in it we follow Jesus through the frustration with the crowds, so lacking in wisdom and unable to hear him... It is to the poor and vulnerable, the small and powerless that his word will speak; they are the ones who will receive the true wisdom of kindness, humility and gentleness. These are not what worldly wisdom thinks of as characteristic masculine qualities -- do we need to challenge our definitions, or even our church practices? Who do we admire, consider suitable for high office? Who lets the light in, if not the people whose need and vulnerability makes them transparent?” [source]

Hymn: “ ‘We played the flute,’ the children said”; text here, melody here

“Forgive us, Lord, what we expect! We want a faith that we control — Yet faith is not what we direct, For it's your grace that makes us whole.”

Sermon

Option 1: a reflection entitled “The Right Yoke,” text only, pretty short

“In Matthew 11:16-19 Jesus addresses the crowd and describes the differences between himself and John. One is a bug-eating ascetic, the other enjoys celebrations and making wine at weddings. One lives in wild, isolating places, while the other surrounds himself with crowds of people and travels to the heart of cities. John and Jesus are dramatically different people; one rough and uncouth, the other accepting hospitality. Each implores their followers to repent and turn back to God. Yet for John and Jesus, their lifestyles were used as an excuse to reject the message. It might not matter if you’re an ascetic like John or outgoing like Jesus: if the crowd doesn’t like what you’re saying then they’ll come up with a reason not to listen.”

(Reminds me of how the messages and good fruits of LGBT+ folks are rejected or ignored in favor of denouncing our “lifestyles”)

Option 2: an audio sermon with transcript available; 12 minutes

This sermon focuses on the Romans 7 passage, so make sure to go back up and read that if you didn’t 

“The calling that we have that I hope really ignites this parish is a calling to be yoked with God and God’s ministry of love and salvation for the whole world.”

Option 3: a video sermon on Song of Songs 8, no subtitles; 17 minutes

What is God calling us, the Beloved, to “come away” to? What makes us hesitate?

On fuller life and hope

Reflection

God our Beloved, you hold out your hands, which bear the wounds of your love, to accept us into your arms as one spouse takes another.

We will cling to you without fear, for you will never reject us, and you will never swallow up our selfhood in yours  but rather will delight in what we are, the true selves you free us to be.

May we mold our lives to yours, while learning to love ourselves as we are.

May we be yours forever, freed from the burdens of fear and doubt and thus empowered to be your love to the world.

Amen.

Hymn: “I Am Your Bride,” contemporary piece by Danielle Rose; with lyrics

Prayers of the People

Compassionate God, you promise us your yoke is easy and your burden light.  You promise rest for those of us who are weighed down under burdens too great for us to bear. 

We lift up the prayers of our hearts to you -- the burdens and pains, the sorrows as well as the joys. 

Take a moment to pray for yourself, for those in your life, for others in the world, for Creation as a whole -- for whomever the Spirit moves you to lift up.

Amen. 

Hymn: “Come to the Water,” with lyrics

Benediction

In your life, Jesus, you showed us that joy in banquets and good company can be a sacred thing. We are ready to go out to expand the banquet of your love.

In the woman of the Song of Songs, we learn that passion and pleasure can unite us and lead us to God.  We are ready to go out to learn to delight in our own bodies, and to grow closer to one another, your people.

O Sophia, Holy Wisdom, beholding your choosing to share your truth with the cast-offs of society, with the naive and the ignored, We are ready to go out to share the Wisdom the world calls foolish.

Let us go out with hearts transformed, with minds striving to improve while not fearing imperfection, with bodies ready to have their share of work and of rest, all for the glory of God our Beloved. 

Thanks be to God! 

Hymn: “Lead Me, Guide Me”, with lyrics

[ Image Description: a detail from He Qi’s piece “Song of Solomon.” An abstract type style is used; a gazelle and green mountains/hills take up the background; and the image centers on two figures, both with black hair and full lips. The one is facing the viewer, the other is turned in profile and her face is in front of half of the other figure’s face. Their faces seem to unify into one, with each contributing one eye, and half the lips; one contributing the ear, the other the nose. ]

[s3venpounds]

1 - 102

ASK MEE RIDICULOUSLY PERSONAL THINGSSSSSSSSSSSS YEEEEEEEEEEEE i love this shit

thanks for the ask anon, at this point im sure yall already know everything about me but hey whats a couple more questions c:

1.) what’s a song you depict with your childhood?

YIKES tough right off the bat huh? it would have to be the opening to digimon frontier ayyyyyyyyyy i still listen to that shit every fucking month. its that or disney’s hercules i can go the distance that shit was just MMMMMMM good shit2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet?

yep a blue and white love bird my family called quick silver we taught it to do adorable little tricks like pick up our pencils when we do homework and it rolls away3.) have you ever been drunk?

hehe yeah fun times4.) have you ever tried drugs?

yup! curious about trying more hard drugs but also i dont wanna get addicted or like idk die/get arrested5.) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said?

ALL THE FUCKING TIME. infact at work i told a customer we didnt have a thing and the customer was like whats that right behind u, and it was the thing they were looking for i felt so stupid lmao6.) have you ever made someone cry?

yeah.7.) has someone ever made you cry?

yeah.8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it.

honestly idk if i ever have been in love. I would think that i have but yknow you never know what the future holds so looking back something in the past could pale in comparison to something in the future9.) which came first the chicken or the egg?

the chicken, evolved from some other bird10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?

dunno if im part of the community by status but i wholeheartedly approve and support them. speaking just for myself though I just think I’m me and nothing else. whether im non binary or male or female or something else doesn’t matter to me. im attracted to who im attracted to, feel what i feel, and do what i want with a hint of salt. If plants can have like 10 000 genders or whatever, then anyone can be whatever they want unless its something fucked up like age fluid lmao if youre 60 youre 60 even if you have the “mind of a 14 year old”11.) how many siblings do you have?

412.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?

yeah in fact just recently13.) are you a good cook?

fuck no. i fucking wish tho, not even a good cook i just wanna be able to copy recipes on tasty’s facebook page hahaha14.) what is your favorite tv show?

right now i dont have one and i definitely dont watch tv shows often unless you count anime then haikyuu!! or My hero Academia15.) what is the last movie you cried during?

i think it was a tyler perry movie something about a funeral and a family reunion honestly i cry when any movie has a really strong family sorta bonding specially if the family was broken at first and they all healed together and became closer as a result16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)

none, i did cry whe i was listening to wild wild love by GRL and pitbull for some reason? 17.) do you have a middle name?

nope i do have a nickname given to me by distant relatives18.) have you been out of your country?

yeah thankfully ive been out of canada multiple times19.) are you a chocolate fan or not?

love chocolate in fact im drinking hot chocolate right now, little cold going on so i need it20.) how many people have you kissed?

lips? less than 15, in general no matter where? couldnt count21.) what is your favorite album?

the only album i loved in its entirety has been marianas trench master piece theatre22.) what is your dream car?

2003 dodge viper23.) what is your lucky/favorite number?

i always wanted to be ironic and say 13 but i’ve kinda been leaning towards 10 like hinata’s jersey number24.) what is your favorite flower?

lilacs cuz the color25.) books or movies, why?

movies, less thinking for me26.) have you ever been on a blind date?

nope but i’d love to try it27.) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you?

yep28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends?

i dont think i have? not consciously.29.) what thing do you symbolize love with?

an act of self sacrifice or something handmade or personally tailored to the individual receiving30.) do you have neat handwriting?

i adore neat handwriting! its like a breath of fresh air, simple and precise to read, and it feels like you can read faster when it is31.) do you have a friend with benefits?

nope but i’d love to have one!32.) do you want a friend with benefits?

just said but yeah i’d love one!33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?

A hero.34.) have you ever been blackout drunk?

nope but my body refuses to drink any more alcohol once i get to my good buzz point. like all alcohol makes me wanna throw up the second i get past the point its almost like my mind and body are two seperate beings lmao35.) have you ever met someone famous?

i think i have? one time when i went bowling with some relatives, there was a crowd gathering around this blonde dude who was playing house of the dead and this one guy in the crowd approached me saying “ do you know who he is? hes famous?” and then i blanked out after that because i just wanted to watch someone play and mentally check out for an hour36.) how many concerts have you been to?

3 concerts! all which were very fun !37.) which concerts have you been to?

one was an ed sheeran concert for his divide album, another was a marianas trench concert in klondike days edmonton, and the last was a country concert im not sure who it was my sister wanted me to go with her38.) do you have a hidden talent?

i can match any generation 1 pokemon just from their cries some generation 2 but beyond that only a handful from each other generation39.) what do you do when you’re stressed?

masturbate. honestly its the only sure fire thing i’ve done that clears my head for the longest time and relaxes me lmao40.) do you think money can buy love?

of course! just depends how you use it! like if youre just throwing money at random people like “hey love me” itll be fake, but if you say, pay off a struggling student’s loans in full and give em a good fresh start im sure theyll be grateful to you for years to come. or if you pay for someone to get super super expensive surgery so they can die from old age rather than a disease or something then yeah they’d love you forever41.) how old would you date?

honestly not sure, i havent really tried dating anyone a lot older than me i usually date within 4-5 years older or younger? though i dont think i’d see a problem dating someone 10 years older than me42.) have you ever done something illegal?

hehe. ye.43.) what is your biggest fear?

death. too long to elaborate44.) what is an unusual fear you have?

fear of what happens after death45.) can you drive?

nope but i plan to learn how to and take my exam within the next 2 ish months46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures?

of course! as many evolutions that were made common place theres bound to be evolutions that somehow spurred legends and mysteries47.) do you believe in karma?

of course! 100% of the time i expect some stranger to just walk up to me and start slapping me or punching me or throwing water or soda in my face for something i did, though i also prepare myself to say” okay i probably deserved that but can i ask why?”48.) what is one quality you need in your partner?

need to love physical affection, if not i dont think i can last with them, physical affection is so important to me its just as important as saying i love you, it like reassures me that theyre there with me in that moment and that theyre happy and just. physical stuff tells me a lot ok49.) do looks matter?

on first impression? oh hell yeah. keep in mind strictly first impression. im not gonna cut off a potential friendship or relationship because someones not my type or whatever i cut people off if they do something fucked up and horrible50.) does size matter?

to some people im not one of them51.) who is the last person you forgave?

I can’t really remember, i forgive people for small stuff all the time but with big personal mistakes i usually hold grudges52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor?

French Vanilla53.) what languages can you speak besides english?

none but i plan to learn sign language eventually that and visaya54.) ever been on a plane?

yep! i’ve been out of the country so that definitely means by plane i dont know anyone who goes on roadtrips long enough to get out of the country55.) ever been on a boat?

yeah! i thought i’d be seasick but turns out i enjoy being on the water its kinda calming56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t?

yeah my childhood friend ralph, cool dude but our friend groups and interests just kinda diverged57.) are there any friendships you regret?

yeah..58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make?

oh hell yeah! there was this one girl who always ate at the same cafeteria as me and my friend group and i regret not inviting her over and being her friend59.) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?

yeah! specially during summer it really sucks and i only do that when my mental state is at a record low self punishment i spose60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am?

hell to the yeah! its the best! like a music video or adventure but it really just helps me clear my mind. oh wait i guess that kinda counts for the calms me down thing so late night walks and masturbating bahahaha61.) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?

yep! one time with an ex girlfriend! we stayed from 2 am till 10 am i think singing songs and talking and cuddling on those big swings with a bowl at the bottom62.) are you scared of rollercoasters?

NO !!! I LOVE ROLLERCOASTERS!!!! im kind of an adrenaline junkie!63.) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?

i personally feel like a 3 but thats probably because im already used to a 7 because of old issues i need sorted out that i’ve just kinda grown to live with the stress64.) do you have any plans this weekend?

considering its sunday? no, next weekend? im working65.) do you miss anyone right now?

yeah. i miss em a lot.66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now?

K,Z, and C i miss em67.) if you could have any superpower, what would it be?

the power to fly or have wings that can make me fly. I associate flying with true freedom. 68.) who is your favorite superhero?

All Might69.) are you dirty minded?

ridiculously70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?

im too lazy for that shit bro…71.) how many kids, if any, do you want?

2 preferably? 72.) who is your biggest OTP?

im not super into shipping just cause it can get pretty toxic but asami and korra73.) what is your favorite food?

aw man im too much of a carnivore to pick just one thing man. uhh fried chicken or this one pork dish my mom makes thats super easy to make its like canned beans with this orange sweet kinda sauce and pork belly slices and potato chunks omggggg i eat so much of that. the last time my mom made that i actually ate the whole thing and i had to make more for everyone else lmao74.) do you want to be married one day?

yeah. it’d be nice not to have to worry about being alone for the rest of my life75.) dogs or cats?

dogs are great and so are cats though i have more patience for cats than i do for dogs. dogs to me are like energetic little kids and thats fine as long as im not dealing with them for an extended period amount of time i get drained pretty easy. cats are like roommates show you love and attention when they want but arent opposed to keeping you company the whole day76.) do you drink enough water daily?

i have no fukcing clue i literally just drink water whenever i have an excuse to drink.77.) have you ever seen a shooting star?

not that i know of? like theres a few times i think i did but i wanna see one thats like unmistakably a shooting star or comet thatd be neat too78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?

not long term? yeah id love to, just to feel what zero g feels like and the view of earth

79.) how many best friends do you have?

3 ish……..80.) when was the last time you cried?

a few nights ago when they stopped talking to me i cried like a little baby lmao ahhhhhhhhhh yikes81.) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?

nope82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?

i think? there was this one dude who literally thought everything i said was genuinely funny though to this day i have no idea if he was serious or not. i also have not seen that dude ever since83.) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?

Venice Italy.84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?

Lonely, Filth, dependant85.) do you consider yourself a loyal person?

no, if my loyalty gets in the way of what i think is the right thing to do then i disregard the loyalty86.) what is your favorite season and why?

Winter. for some reason growing up i always felt like winter was unappreciated and i had this train of thought like “ even the cold needs to be loved” that and most of my wardrobe is just winter stuff. plus midnight walks feel so much nicer since its so cold out you know for a fact no one else would be walking around because whos gonna wait in a dark alley at -30 to mug, rape or kidnap someone.87.) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?

nope. if i ever said it i meant it.88.) do you know how to play any instruments?

not reliably. like i know some songs on guitar from youtube tutorials but i can’t play the guitar in all circumstances yknow like i learned the song without mastering the basics89.) do like like falling asleep to music or not?

nope. i need like silence to sleep but ambient noise is preferred. music gives my brain something to focus on and thus stay awake90.) what are you allergic to?

pet fur or feathers and stuff. my eyes get puffy, my nose clogs up and my skin itches91.) have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?

a sad, extremely rich person and a happy, extremely poor person. to show me what to be grateful for92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?

huh, thats tough… if its haikyuu i’d love to be daichi, if its my hero academia its hawks or deku93.) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why

Gal Gadot, I feel like she’d be such a positive influence on my life and that thing she does to people who are shorter than her where she cups their face in her hands omg i’d melt everytime. i just kinda wanna be like a little brother to her lol

94.) are you outgoing?

i would say i am?95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?

oh fuck yeah im fucking gutless96.) are you a good flirt?

nope. awkward and weird af97.) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?

yup all the time. part of life98.) which planet is your favorite?

never really thought about planets much but i do stan pluto as a planet99.) are you superstitious?

to an extent100.) are you a good listener?

i’d like to think i am101.) are you a good kisser

also like to think i am probs not102.) would you kiss any of your friends?

all of them honestly well not all of them. mostly cuz yknow theyre taken or theyd probably hate me if i did some of them are super defensive about physical intimacy

[waitinginthedarke]

BIGBANG - MAFIA!AU - SERIES 3

A BIGBANG FANFICTION

Summary: The saying goes, ‘the mafia is family, the mafia is home’…but even if ‘the mafia is home’…is it really the right place to raise a child?

A/N: For those that aren’t enjoying the beauty that is Eurovision, here is Chapter two of mafia! :D

Masterlist (including series one and two)

Chapter 3

‘Whats the matter?’

His voice echoes into the darkness as you stare blindly in front of you, your mind stuttering over your thoughts with the sudden interruption, before you process that you needed to answer him.

‘…Nothing…’

‘We got into bed 2 hours ago but you still haven’t fallen asleep…somethings bothering you. Tell me.’

You sigh as you shift onto your back, turning your head to the side to look at Jiyong where he’d been spooning you, the dark circles under his closed eyes making you frown in concern as you reach over to stroke them gently, and the action causes him to peel his eyelids back to look at you, his eyes slightly bloodshot as they focus on your face.

‘Ji?’

‘Mmmh?’ he murmurs in response as he closes his eyes again, simply resting them as he waits for you to tell him what was wrong.

‘What will you do when they find the child?’

The nervous question is met by a few seconds of silence as Jiyong tries to work out why you were thinking about that, having assumed your concern would be to do with the information you’d relayed to him about Seunghyun and Kyungil when you’d returned home, and being taken aback by the topic of the missing infant.

‘I haven’t decided yet.’ He finally murmurs, his hand that was lay on your stomach rubbing gently to calm your obvious stress about the matter, but you reach up to hold it still, the movement causing him to open his eyes to see your concerned expression, a frown beginning to crease his face.

‘Jagi, why are you so worked up over the child-‘

‘Don’t kill him.’

‘Y/N!’ he snaps, leaning up on his elbow to look down at you indignantly as you glance at him worriedly.

‘Jiyong, please-‘

‘Why the hell would you think I’d kill him, Jagi? My God. Do you really think I’d do something like that?’ he asks, his voice tinted with an edge of hurt, and you sigh as you break his gaze, shaking your head timidly as you turn into his chest and duck your head beneath his chin, feeling him lay back with you and automatically cradle you in his arms as he waits for you to respond.

‘Ji, its not that…I-…Aish, its not anything to do with the child, really…-‘

‘Is this about me wanting a child?’ he murmurs, the words perfectly soft as he tries not to frighten you away, but the second he cottons onto your train of thought, you instinctively tense up, on edge as you try to hide what you were thinking from him, not wanting him to see how much the topic scared you.

‘Y/N, I told you, we don’t have to talk about it until your ready-‘ he goes to reassure you gently, but that’s before you cut him off.

‘But what if im never ready, Ji?’ you breathe, your fear getting the better of you as you cower against his chest, too scared to look up at his reaction to you snatching away the dream he had.

‘…Then we never talk about it.’

His answer surprises you enough to have you slowly raising your head to look up at him, seeing him reverted to having his eyes closed, and you frown as you touch his cheek to make him look at you, needing to see if his words were sincere or not, after all the worrying you’d done over the pressure you felt to give him a child.

‘But…you sounded like you really needed one-‘

‘I would like a child…I wont deny that. …but you’re the one thing in this world that I want more than anything else. …you’ll always come first, Jagi,… before anything else.’ He murmurs, holding your gaze the entire time he speaks and smiling softly at you when he trails off, his thumb suddenly smoothing over your cheek causing you to realize you’d shed some tears, and you quickly blink to rid your eyes of the bleariness, before nuzzling back into him, pressing a kiss to his neck as you curl into him, feeling more relaxed now that you knew where you stood on the subject.

‘I love you.’ You say quietly, your arm wrapping under his and around his shoulder as you lay your cheek comfortably against his warm, bare, chest, and you feel him make himself comfortable as he clutches you securely in his hold, and dots a kiss to your hair, staring blindly over your head as he finds himself getting lost in his thoughts, stroking his hand against your hair to get you to sleep.

‘I know, Jagi. …I love you too.’

SEUNGHYUN

He’d left Kyungil without any further information as to his plan to get him out after Daesung had taken over his shift, telling the younger man he was going for a smoke, before leaving the barn and pausing to light a cigarette. Although rather than remaining outside the rickety wooden building, he traps the cigarette between a join in the splintering fence that ran the perimeter of the building, scanning the area, before heading swiftly for the mansion, greeting people normally as he went. The only thing he was really keeping an eye out for was any signs of Jiyong, Y/N, or the other two members of the gang, knowing that if he got caught doing what he was about to do, there would be no way to save his plan from crumbling into dust.

Using his signature silent walk, he ghosts through the front doors and up the grand staircase without meeting anyone, only becoming extremely cautious when he is forced to avoid the eye of the cctv camera’s, but even then, smirking to himself as he walks through the corridors unseen, having snatched the master control from beneath Jiyong’s nose when he’d called him to the office earlier to describe his encounter with the child.

The child…

Ever since he’d watched him run out of the training room and into the forest he’d kept alert for any sign of the terrified creature, knowing as well as anyone else that natural instinct would have kept him close by the mansion, his apparent ease of access to the one building allowing him shelter where there wasn’t any other for miles around. But the one thing that had continued to bother him was where he’d come from in the first place, the boy’s appearance hitting too close to home for Seunghyun…

He enters the office without trouble, not being stupid enough to relax as he disables the manual camera’s in the room before stalking over to the safe room in the corner behind the main desk, keying in Seungri’s entry code that he’d had memorized since the boy first came to work for the gang, and entering slowly to scan his surroundings.

There was the cabinet.

Despite the filing system’s high-tech appearance, there was only a spin dial to secure the information on the entire population of the gang- minus Jiyong- the flimsy deal of privacy never particularly irritating Seunghyun since he himself had hardly any information under his name, and as he pulled out the leaf of paper printed with his name, and trailed his eye over the document that contained his information, he couldn’t help but reminisce…

…on how he came to be there….

12 years ago

‘Jiyong! Your father wants to talk to you now! You cant run away forever!’

He heard the distant shouts of the men minutes after he’d clocked on to the young boy scrambling through the underbrush, his view from the tree in which he’d set up camp allowing him to see everything that went on below, whilst no one even glanced up at him.

He appeared desperate, his pants being audible even from Seunghyun’s vantage point, which meant if the men chasing him got any closer, he’d most definitely be discovered.

Well, that was his fault.

Seunghyun had been in the game ever since he could remember, jumping from relative’s house to relative’s house, never really knowing where he’d come from, and simply being told his parents had died when he was born. However, it wasn’t until he got to the age of 15 and decided he’d had enough of the beatings and the abuse over his inability to do well in school and his orphan status, that he’d made his great escape into the world on his own, and he’d never looked back since that moment over a year ago. He had a few run ins with various gangs, usually making a quick exit after looting some gear, and then honing his sniping skills as he’d left them a man or two down, before disappearing from beneath their very noses.

However, despite the rule he lived by, in which he only cared for himself and no one else, Seunghyun still found himself tracking the boy’s movements, or more specifically the movements of the men tracking him.

‘You’re going to have to run faster, Kid.’ He murmurs to himself, his eagle-eyed vision honing in on the men behind him, and he instinctively reaches for the gun he always kept in a holster on his hip when he sees them gain ground, gritting his teeth when he realizes what he’d done and battling with himself as he sees the fear, mixed with deadly determination on the boy’s face as he glances back, moving with a renewed sense of strength once he sees how close the men had got.

But at that point Seunghyun’s need to protect had already began to kick in.

Reaching for the shock bullets he’d snagged from a gang a few weeks back, the group of men having been taken off guard by a teenage boy being in their midst, and therefore leaving a chance for Seunghyun to loot their stash, he instantly switches the cartridges in his gun and repositions himself in the tree so that he could find a clear line of sight through which to take the angry sounding men out.

The first drops like a fly, the guy being at the back of the group meaning the sound of his body falling to the floor only attracts the attention of one of the other men, who before he could properly investigate what had happened, also gets hit by a shock bullet, and the immediate collapse of his body allows Seunghyun to admire his improved targeting ability. However as soon as he takes out number 3 of the 5 men, the first two instantly cotton on to an attack happening against their group, and without hesitation they raise their guns to scan the area, one of the two being smart enough to raise it toward the tree tops; he’s the one that becomes number 4.

It would only be a year later that Seunghyun would learn that he should have hid then, and let the young boy run to a hiding place, but instead in his youthful cockiness, Seunghyun decides to aim at the final man.

Just as a real bullet comes zooming toward him.

‘AH, SHIT!’

‘Stupid little bastard. Where the hell did he snag a gun from?’ he hears the guy murmur below as he instantly makes for the tree Seunghyun was hiding in, his heart thundering in his hears the sound of boots scraping through leaves and then the dull shaking of the tree beneath him indicating that he was actually climbing up, and despite clutching his arm desperately in an attempt to stop the blood flow from the sharp graze the bullet had engraved on his upper arm, Seunghyun still scrambles back quickly. He grabs his gun and holds it ready when he realizes he wasn’t going to have time to escape, keeping tabs on the guy as his body swayed between the lattice of branches and leaves below, a sudden fear rising within him when he realizes he might not actually make it out of this one.

But its just as he starts to squeeze the trigger in desperation, hearing the harsh pants of the guy where he was almost up to the same level of Seunghyun, that a shout from below causes all movement to stop.

‘Hyung! …Im here!’

He couldn’t breathe where his heart was in his mouth, the silence that took over the space only being filled by the other guy’s heavy breathing where he’d paused in confusion to look down at the other boy below, his line of sight being just below where Seunghyun was.

‘Jiyong? What the hell are you doing down there? I thought-‘

‘I fell. …Hyung…I-‘

‘Don’t say anything else. Your father is going to be furious when he hears about this.’ The guy mutters as he begins to retreat, sliding easily down the tree in his descent, and despite the fact that he was completely hidden from view then, Seunghyun could only stare wide eyed in front of him, taking shallow breathes and continuing to clutch his arm desperately as he listened to the two below, begging them to leave as his lungs began to burn and blood began to seep from between his fingers.

‘God. I thought I shot you, Jiyong! Where the hell did you get a gun anyway? -where is it? Give it to me.’

‘I-I dropped it-‘

‘Jesus. You look like you’ve been run over. Damnit your father’s going to kill me. Why couldn’t you have just gone to see him? It wouldn’t even have been that bad…’

The voices trail off after a minute or two, but Seunghyun refuses to move until the sounds of nature had resumed their song, the birds and insect’s knowledge of a safe surrounding being confirmation enough that he was safe-

-for now…

It was 3 days later that he heard from Jiyong again.

He’d been out scavenging for food, having crept down to a well populated drinking hole where he usually saw boars drinking, and had been about to settle in to wait out the moment that a wild pig would visit again. But just as he’d laid down amongst the garlic leaves and the overgrown grass, trees crowding in around him, he’d heard a twig break from the pressure of a footfall, and immediately his instincts kicked in as he clutches his gun.

‘Don’t shoot. …I just came to talk.’

As soon as it clicks in his mind that he’d heard the voice several days before, and he makes the connection with the youthful face that had been sprinting for his life through the underbrush, Seunghyun sighs in frustration at the obviously lost chance to catch the boar, springing quickly to his feet as he removes the catch from his rifle, and turning toward the sound of the voice as he rests it back over his shoulder and inspects the boy before him.

‘I don’t do talking.’ Is all he responds, before going to walk in the opposite direction, but the boy makes the stupid decision to grab for Seunghyun’s hand, and if there was one thing that Seunghyun didn’t tolerate, it was people touching him without his permission.

Before the boy could blink, he spins toward him and forces him to his knees, locking him in a choke hold and being about to put pressure on his windpipe-

-when something happens that Seunghyun didn’t anticipate.

He hadn’t braced his knees in time to secure the hold, and so before he could even respond to the movement, Seunghyun found himself toppling backwards, his spine crashing to the floor harshly, before he’s twisted to lie on his front and he feels his arms about to be locked behind his back. However, by this point the teenage boy had cottoned onto the fact that Jiyong wasn’t a normal boy, and so without hesitation he’s pulling out his best movements to turn the tables, quickly kicking the other boy away before flipping onto his back and landing in an anticipatory crouch.

…only to be met by another man having appeared beside the young boy where he stood before him.

‘You were right, Jiyong. He’s amazing-‘

‘What is this?’ Seunghyun immediately demands, looking between the man and the boy, his spine stiffening when he tunes into the sounds around him and hears the distant movement of people hiding in the trees, his immediate reaction being to instantly grab for his gun.

‘Wait! We don’t want to hurt you! ..We want you to join us.’ Jiyong quickly explains, holding his hands out as though Seunghyun were a frightened animal that would bolt at any minute, before slowly taking a few steps toward him.

‘The other day…you tried to save me.’ He says quietly when he comes to stand before the taller boy, doe like eyes staring up in awe at the handsome features that stood out starkly, despite being cushioned by youthful chub, and Seunghyun thinks to himself that he might have accidentally saved someone crazy.

‘I’ve been watching you for the past couple of days; you don’t have a home, you never go toward the city…you’re alone…-‘

‘-…I want to save you now.’

Seunghyun chuckles as he remembers what had happened after that, the way he’d stared at the younger boy as though he were insane, gifting him with a sharp right hook before darting free from the clearing through the heard of boar that had silently appeared by the watering hole behind him, the animals providing a good cover for his getaway, and the angry shouts of the men that had been hiding made him cackle loudly as he’d disappeared into the forest, amused by the very idea that someone thought they could save him.

Although, looking down at his file (or the flimsy piece of paper that encapsulated who he was by the gang’s standards) he couldn’t help but smile at the date printed on the page, reading one year after he’d first met Jiyong, and had decided to accept his offer.

Or…rather…he’d found himself in a bit of trouble that involved another gang, and had managed to track Jiyong down in his desperate search for help, the boy’s father immediately agreeing on the condition that Seunghyun joined the gang, and trained along side the younger boy.

What he hadn’t known then, was at that moment in time Jiyong had been gearing up to take over as the head of his father’s mafia, and so Seunghyun found himself unwittingly becoming the boys right hand man, the two doing everything together. It was as he remembered the day Jiyong had superseded his father, that he remembered the memories he’d blocked out of how Jiyong’s sister used to dote on him; the one night she’d kissed him and he’d rejected her instantly, too afraid of the feelings that the action provoked in him, and therefore vowing never to speak of it again- which after a year or so she’d forgotten about too.

Shaking himself out of that train of thought, he slides the filing cabinet closed, folding his slip of paper and neatly sliding it into the inner pocket in his blazer, before exiting the safe room and the office, and leaving everything as he found it. He silently presses the button on the control in his pocket that would resume the cctv recording after he’d made it back to the ground flood, and he cant help but smile widely as he greets Seungri on his way back out to the barn, the other man looking minorly confused as Seunghyun pats him on the shoulder jovially on the way past, whilst subtly slipping the cctv control into the man’s other pocket.

‘Hyung?’

He turns back toward his dongsaeng as he calls to him, tuning into the cool façade he usually wore as he rose his eyebrows at him inquisitively, silently asking what he wanted as he took in the way Seungri was watching him suspiciously.

‘I-…Daesung told me to tell you he wanted to talk, I think it might have been something to do with the captives.’ He explains, the way he’d initially stuttered causing Seunghyun to contemplate the younger man as he waits for his response, before quickly flashing him a smile and bowing his head in acknowledgement.

‘I’ll go and see him now.’ He murmurs, turning back to the barn and walking casually back to the secure building, being aware of Seungri watching him as he goes, but not giving him too much attention as he smiles to himself, and heads toward phase 2 of the plan…

(T.B.C)

[smushee]

1-150

1.Who was the last person you held hands with?

my girlfriend @yasssierracumber​

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

more so shy but mainly bc of anxiety

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

hopefully hayley kiyoko in march

4. Are you easy to get along with?

i would say so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

yes but she would probably be more drunk than me

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

i dont really have a “type”, i like a lot of different kind of people

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

my girlfriend 

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

no one tbh

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

depends on who it’s with, but usually no

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my girlfriend

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

”Idk if i’ve said it but thank you for doing this for me it really means a lot”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

shit idk i’ve been listening to a lot of 5sos lately 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

yessss

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

kind of

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i had some good memories this summer but they’re with a person whose not in my life anymore so i don’t think you’d call them good anymore :/

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yes

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

yes

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

no

19. Do you like bubble baths?

yes, but rarely

20. Do you like your neighbors?

i dont even know them tbh

21. What are you bad habits?

i bite my nails

22. Where would you like to travel?

pretty much anywhere in europe

23. Do you have trust issues?

not really, i tend to trust people until they give me a reason not to trust them

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

sleeping

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

uhhhh idk man

26. What do you do when you wake up?

check my phone lol

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

i like it the way it is

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my girlfriend

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

yes

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yes

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

no

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

so many tbh

33. Spell your name with your chin.

 mswzacdfkoi9lxsdzeo0pll nmj

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

no

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

Tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yes

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

nothing usually 

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

my girlfriend

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

forever 21, kohls, tillys

40. What do you want to do after high school?

im already out of hs

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

depends on what they did, but usually yes

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

literally nothing

43. Do you smile at strangers?

sometimes

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

neither im too scared of both

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?\

food

46. What are you paranoid about?

life

47. Have you ever been high?

yes

48. Have you ever been drunk?

yes

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

black

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

yes

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

my anxiety and depression

53. Favourite makeup brand?

dont wear makeup

54. Favourite store?

anything involving either pets or food

55. Favourite blog?

my gfs

56. Favourite colour?

blue

57. Favourite food? 

all of it 

58. Last thing you ate?

chipotle

59. First thing you ate this morning?

i just woke up a lil bit ago so i haven’t eaten

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

not won but i got like third place for a talent show

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

no

63. Ever been in love? 

yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

it was during a game of truth or dare with a girl that i didn’t like and it was really awkward and bad tbh

65. Are you hungry right now?

yes

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

a lot of my tumblr friends are my real friends

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

no

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

Maddie, Zec, Chrissi, Sierra

71. Craving something? What?

grilled cheese

72. What colour are your towels?

they’re a bunch of different colors

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

two or three usually

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

they’re usually just in my bed but i don’t often cuddle with them

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

idk man probably about 10

75. Favourite animal?

rats and birds

76. What colour is your underwear?

white and tan

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

cheesecake

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black n white

80. What colour pants?

grey

81. Favourite tv show?

supergirl

82. Favourite movie?

probably pitch perfect or chronicle 

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

neither

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

i dont even know the characters tbh

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

nemo

87. First person you talked to today?

my gf

88. Last person you talked to today?

well the day just started 

89. Name a person you hate?

anyone whose a nazi

90. Name a person you love?

my girlfriend

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

trump

92. In a fight with someone?

no

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

shit idk like three?

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

i have like three hoodies and like two sweaters

95. Last movie you watched?

uhhh i watched this one movie with sierra but i forget the title

96. Favourite actress?

currently, melissa benoist and chyler leigh

97. Favourite actor?

ricky whittle

98. Do you tan a lot?

no

99. Have any pets?

yes

100. How are you feeling?

hungry

101. Do you type fast?

kind of 

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

yes

103. Can you spell well?

yes

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

kind of 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

yes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

i think so

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

no

108. What should you be doing?

probably my math homework

109. Is something irritating you right now?

life

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yes

111. Do you have trust issues?

not really

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

ummmm my girlfriend and her family

113. What was your childhood nickname?

just mady 

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

used to 

116. Are you listening to music right now?

no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yes but only when im sick

118. Do you like Chinese food?

yes

119. Favourite book?

Ask the Passengers by A.S. King

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

yes

121. Are you mean?

i’d like to think not

122. Is cheating ever okay?

no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no, only lust

125. Do you believe in true love?

yes

126. Are you currently bored?

not really

127. What makes you happy?

my girlfriend and food

128. Would you change your name?

yea if i found a new name that i liked

129. What your zodiac sign?

taurus

130. Do you like subway?

love it

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

pretty unrealistic since he’s gay

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

the gf

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

idk

134. Can you count to one million?

yes

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

idk i haven’t lied since i was like a kid

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

137. How tall are you?

5′3

138. Curly or Straight hair?

both are nice 

139. Brunette or Blonde?

both are nice

140. Summer or Winter?

fall

141. Night or Day?

uhhh night i guess

142. Favourite month?

may

143. Are you a vegetarian?

no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

145. Tea or Coffee?

both

146. Was today a good day?

it just barely started

147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?

”Be who you are and say what you mean, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line

 there’s no books near me

[blaperile]

Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 21 (Epilogue 4 Page 4)

[butch-lesbian-marshadow]

Answer all of those questions u hottie

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?-Nobody cuz im lonely2. Are you outgoing or shy?-uhhhhhh probably the first one usually3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Literally anyone my age and gay4. Are you easy to get along with? I honestly have no idea, don’t really get feedback on that dept.5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Probably, Id trust them, but I don’t really need to be taken care of that much when Im drunk6. What kind of people are you attracted to? I dunno, I guess anyone who shows interest I suppose, although it tends to be expressed in weird ways,7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? No clue, I’d guess no if only because not really the best with those  things.8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? An ex of mine,9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nope10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? She’s the bitch that made me do all of these11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? ok12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? that changes so rapidly, question meme, im not even sure13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? If I know them and want them to, yes, but 90% of the time, Fuck off my hair14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yes15. What good thing happened this summer? I got tiddies16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? never have ):17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Probably, yes.18. Do you still talk to your first crush? I literally have not seen my first crush in like, 17 years.19. Do you like bubble baths?  No idea, ever had one20. Do you like your neighbors? haven’t met officially, but they seem nice21. What are you bad habits? Forgetting, procrastination,  dismissal, hesitation, isolation, and a few other bad ones22. Where would you like to travel? uhhhhh somewhere hot, ideally.23. Do you have trust issues? nopes24. Favorite part of your daily routine? daily what? if I had one, it would be enjoying hot summer days, maybe writing something25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? irritated skin26. What do you do when you wake up? figure out what day it is/debate on what i wanna do27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? nope!28. Who are you most comfortable around?  mom i guess? a few other peeps.29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? one or two, maybe,30. Do you ever want to get married? That might be a nice thing someday,31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Gettin there!32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? uhhhh a lot, my dear question meme.33. Spell your name with your chin.  zxshgkl;’34. Do you play sports? What sports? No35. Would you rather live without TV or music? I’m dead either way, the answer doesn’t really matter, does it?36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?  as in never told them ever, or  never told them until it was too late, because I've done both.37. What do you say during awkward silences? Nothing, although i don’t really find it awkward unless the other person is like, visibly disturbed.38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Nice personality, nicer ass.39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Good ones40. What do you want to do after high school? i am after high school41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Mhm.42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I forgot what i was doing, im angry, im happy, im sad, im bored, im interested, im sleepy, im awake, im hungry, im thirsty,  im focused, im distracted, literally anything.43. Do you smile at strangers? sometimes44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? space45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Waking up46. What are you paranoid about? being incapable of love, 47. Have you ever been high? nope!48. Have you ever been drunk? hell yeah49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? not that i can recall, no50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? i have no fucking idea i can’t remember colors for shit, my dear question meme.

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Not really, no.52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? the amount of money in my bank account53. Favourite makeup brand? i dont know enough to know54. Favourite store? one that sells store55. Favourite blog? Mine,  im amazing.56. Favourite colour? look im colorblind stop asking these57. Favourite food?  uhhhhhhhhhh fuck i dont know shit.58. Last thing you ate? Pizza.59. First thing you ate this morning? Pizza60. Ever won a competition? For what? uhhh  a science one in 5th grade, and a concerto competition in like, senior year of HS61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? nope!62. Been arrested? For what? Nope!63. Ever been in love?  I used to answer yes but now I have no idea if i can love64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? im lonely u buttmunch65. Are you hungry right now? uhhhh now that you mention it66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? half these freaks are my real friends67. Facebook or Twitter? I hate both of them,68. Twitter or Tumblr? I hate both of them69. Are you watching tv right now? nope!70. Names of your bestfriends?  im not actually 100% sure? like  its kinda nebulous weirdish, since I have a weird concept of “friend”71. Craving something? What? i dunno, burritos probably.72. What colour are your towels? Rot in hell you slime cuck72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 0 to 473. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? not at the moment, no74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? do pokemon plush count?75. Favourite animal? Gecko76. What colour is your underwear? I will murder your ancestors and eat your descendants.77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour? chocolate79. What colour shirt are you wearing? I will flay the skin from your face and peel your eyes. Also shirtless atm.80. What colour pants? I will plunge britain back into the boiling seas and  devour any mortal with color vision. 81. Favourite tv show? uhhhhh fuck i don’t know82. Favourite movie? i like movies, yes.83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? THERES A MEAN GIRLS 2??!?!?!??!?!?!?84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? MEAN GIRLS85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Regina is such a wonderful person, really.86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Dory87. First person you talked to today? the bich that made me write this88. Last person you talked to today? @mayxwolf​89. Name a person you hate? The bich that made me write this90. Name a person you love? The bich that made me write this91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? The bich that made me write this92. In a fight with someone?nopes93. How many sweatpants do you have? are you trying to ask how much of a slob i am? because i am absolutely a huge slob94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? See above.95. Last movie you watched? MOANA96. Favourite actress? no idea97. Favourite actor? Chris Evans.98. Do you tan a lot? Lmao99. Have any pets? I want a pet ):100. How are you feeling? Kinda hungry? a tad bit chilly, and uhhhhhhhh  i dunno101. Do you type fast? I either forget to type, or its uncontrollably fast,102. Do you regret anything from your past? until like,  the past  month or two ago, no, not really, but then shit hits the fan and you forget to duck. 103. Can you spell well? Yse and no. its a tos up really.104. Do you miss anyone from your past? two people  recently, and occasionally an old thought to  old friends and people i knew, that i dont really see or talk to anymore, 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? mhm106. Ever broken someone’s heart? I think, I have, probably, and im not sure what to make of it,107. Have you ever been on a horse? Fuck those big shit factories.108. What should you be doing?probably in grad school,109. Is something irritating you right now? not right now no110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Why yes, question meme, my first ex actually, and second, somewhat to an extent, actually that’s a somewhat recurring theme?111. Do you have trust issues? Didn’t you already ask this..... (yes you did it’s question 23)112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?  Never have, not that i could remember, except maybe as a child???113. What was your childhood nickname? Pooh bear114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes115. Do you play the Wii? Yes116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?Yes118. Do you like Chinese food?Yes119. Favourite book?Yes120. Are you afraid of the dark? No121. Are you mean? Yes122. Is cheating ever okay? Never but i seem to be chill with it if it happens to me123. Can you keep white shoes clean? yes and no124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes because the very first time I saw Fareeha Amari I immediately realized what a humongous gay I was.125. Do you believe in true love? Yes.126. Are you currently bored? Always and forever127. What makes you happy? Things I’d rather not talk about128. Would you change your name? Already have,129. What your zodiac sign? Aries, Dog, 130. Do you like subway? Yes131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?  If you’re asking if I’d fuck him, probably.132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? you asked this one already, too, you uncreative piece of shit.133. Favourite lyrics right now? lyrics are boring and overrated, and meaningless. Also the ones from Reflections. Mulan is my shit.134. Can you count to one million? I don’t think i have the patience or  physical ability to do so without collapsing.135. Dumbest lie you ever told? None of my lies are dumb unless i make them intentionally dumb.136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed137. How tall are you? floating around 6′2″138. Curly or Straight hair? both, surprisingly, 139. Brunette or Blonde? neither140. Summer or Winter? Winter is the season of death, despair and bullshit, old man winter can suck it141. Night or Day? Day,142. Favourite month? any month thats hot as fuck, also My birthday month is good too, 143. Are you a vegetarian? nope144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk145. Tea or Coffee? both make me sleepy, both are pretty good though.146. Was today a good day? havent been awae long enough to know147. Mars or Snickers? Venus, and both.148. What’s your favourite quote? “and in all my great vast knowledge and wisdom, of all the Grand stars, of all the galaxies and nebulae and  cosmos, Of all the heavenly bodies,  to say that hers was the most heavenly would be blasphemous, for her body was beyond compare with divinity.”149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes and No150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “Splendid, Young man!”@bvcharest u bich

[cinder-timber]

1-150

i tried doing this on my phone and i got all the way to 75 before it didn’t save and now i have to redO ALL OF IT ON MY LAPTOP

but also im gonna answer these in 50 increments, just so there’s not a hug wall of text that takes forever to get through.

1.Who was the last person you held hands with?

my mom probably

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

shy. but ask me questions and stuff and im ok

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

anyone at this point. and by anyone there’s only like three people i even want to see

4. Are you easy to get along with?

i’d like to think so. I’m pretty chill, go with the flow. Sometimes too chill but you know. don’t wanna rock the boat

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

probably not

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

physical doesn’t really matter that much to me. I just like people who talk to me nicely. Like i’m a person. And who I can laugh with

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

no

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Zuma. Being a good doodle

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not at all. You can talk to me in excruciating detail and im alright

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

idk i haven’t had a good, deep conversation in a long time. I really need one. But i’d probably say zuma, cause I talk to him the most so.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Okedoke”  to my mom

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

idk im kinda in a music slump right now. I need some new stuff

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Y.E.S. people do not do it enough

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yea

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i… went places. idk man there’s too many days between summer and now. I always enjoy visiting the dork

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

i have no past people kissed

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

yea

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

no. he’s a real piece of shit. i hope he’s grown up a bit, even though he’s older than me

19. Do you like bubble baths?

yea. but not a super long time

20. Do you like your neighbors?

eh they alright. dont talk to them much

21. What are you bad habits?

I have… a lot. The one I’ve had for the longest and do almost all the time is chewing/biting. Nails, lip, necklaces, phone cases. I chew on anything near my mouth

22. Where would you like to travel?

anywhere right now tbh. im so sick of my apartment

23. Do you have trust issues?

a bit

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

i dont have much of a routine. I guess feeding my fish. It’s amusing, helping him find his food

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

a lot of it, tbh. there’s like three things im not uncomfortable with

26. What do you do when you wake up?

stay in bed. check my phone. go over what i need to do in my head, several times

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

dont care

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

Zuma. Sibling. My dog. That’s about it

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

i don’t have any ex’s. But if I did, I doubt that’d be a thing

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yes but no. Like, I want to get to that level in a relationship?? like, we get there and i’d be happy with or without. I just want that love, if that makes sense

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

a little baby ponytail

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

no

33. Spell your name with your chin.

too much effort. no thank

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

use to play soccer

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

i can’t do without music. gotta have it

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

did you mean every time I’ve liked someone?

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

nothing. or i’ll try to think of a question to ask. not small talk questions. that’s just worse

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

they love me

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

idk i really dont shop shop much. Like Hobby Lobby and Michaels. Kohls is nice but can be expensive. Toys R Us. Hot Topic occasionally

40. What do you want to do after high school?

well im in college so

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

no, it all depends on the situation. That being said, you don’t have to give someone a second chance to forgive them

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

it could mean many things. im shy. im tired. i don’t know whats going on. I’m afraid I’m going to annoy someone by speaking (usually the last one)

43. Do you smile at strangers?

yeah. i try not to do that white smile but sometimes i slip

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Space. Bottom of ocean is too spooky

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

obligations. Like school or work. Or if i made plans for that day. I usually wont get out of bed otherwise

46. What are you paranoid about?

many things. Mainly, my relationship with people. It’s gotten really bad recently. The dark. I’ve gotten better about driving at night, though I still can’t have the review mirror where i can see it. I’ve got to turn it completely away

47. Have you ever been high?

nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

sadly, nope

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

ooohhhhhh yeah. I’d feel really guilty

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

black. i am currently wearing it