#real version that the real person commits suicide

[toothzome]

was gonna make a joke post a thing analog horror until i realized the mandela catalouge existed

[warningsine]

Notice how Helena uses "I" instead of "she" and how Milchik gives her the soft sell.

Combine this with:

her embarrassed "My dad forced me to recite the 9 rules as a child and I did not like it then" admission in front of a camera.

James basically thanking her for risking her life for the company and lying about it. He "cried" about the suicide attempt, and yet he didn't even contact his daughter, since he's telling her this now at the gala as an aside to the event. In terms of family emergency time? Too fucking late. Is this the only time Helena's seen him since then? Not to mention how he didn't want to take responsibility and blamed it all on his daughter's alter ego.

And you'll get a more nuanced interpretation than the "Helena pure corporate evil, Helly R. good rebel" binary one.

Despite doing that cruel "I'm a person, you're not" presentation and being determined to see the process through even after Helly tries to commit suicide, there's some part of Helena that must know that this is messed up.

Sure, she's complicit and not a hapless victim, but she's also a product of her upbringing. Stripping her of her privilege, heritage, cult-like brainwashing/indoctrination and Shiv Roy-like desperation to win her dad's approval gives you Helly.

They are the same person under different circumstances.

There are no contradictions between the fundamental makeup of her innie and outie.

The version of herself Helena brings inside Lumon questions everything and demands accommodation and answers, because she is used to getting what she wants as a privileged woman.

What changes her is the different context she's given.

Helena is a wealthy and powerful woman who gets what she wants; Helly is a powerless woman who is often being tortured. It makes sense that her traits—stubborness and determination among others—and the fundamental sense of "I deserve to get what I want" are present in Helly.

But also make no mistake: they're both prisoners. Helly in a more literal sense, Helena in a figurative one—a prisoner in her family and the role that was imposed on her.

A willing participant that benefits from a controlling system is not free from the harm or influence of it. Acknowledging Helena's abusive circumstances doesn't take away from her as an antagonist, it makes her story more compelling.

Helena's self-serving qualities are more a matter of nurture than nature, because Helly shows caring and compassion as well as rebellion and independence. Helly is like a very young version of Helena.

All of the outies' emotions leak through to some extent.

Helly's "Well, that's a given for me [that I'm an asshole out there]" is a pretty safe assumption to make based on Helena's video, but it also oozes self-loathing. Helena taking it out on Helly does too.

Ultimately, I think this happens on a figurative level to a lot of people who undergo an—emotionally in this case— abusive upbringing. Rejecting their most vulnerable parts and imprisoning them. It's a survival mechanism, and helps them feel like they have more control over their out of control personal life. But, in a way, it makes them more out of control once they get into the real world.

Their inner, imprisoned parts find ways to make it so they can't ignore them. We definitely saw that with Helly threatening to mutilate herself and attempting suicide.

There are consequences to denying and imprisoning any part of ourselves over the long term.

[grassoftunnel]

I Love You For Psychological Reasons: George and Shannon as a matching pair of gendered insecurities

let me start right off…this is NOT a shipping post (for MANY reasons..), and is not structured in any particular way its just half awake rambling but I feel like George and Shannon’s relationship is super compelling in terms of what they are looking for in each other, and how they define themselves using each other as props.

the title is from the song I Love You For Psychological Reasons by They Might Be Giants which is kind of a cute romantic song but i think can be applied to them as a sad and cynical song about their relationship. I’ve also just thrown lyrics from this song into the post not for anything deep really but bc it made me think of them. Like I said, this is just rambling but I’ve divided it roughly into 4 ways they’re similar:

1.

Hard to explain, but it's plain that I love you for psychological reasons

The root of their decisions to pursue each other have nothing to do initially with an actual interest in the other on their own merits. For George, he was driven by wanting to make Shannon turn away from Battler and look at him that way instead, and for Shannon, george was her way to settle/move on from the heartbreak of Battler.

2.

Lately, I've taken to vacantly making repetitive movements. Mistakenly seen as improvements

They are both deeply insecure about their abilities to fulfil certain gendered expectations, and both seeing each other as pathways to successfully performing those gendered expectations. For George, he was bullied so much and unable to be “strong” and “assertive” or even defend himself, and feels like he’s not a real man because of it. For Shannon, she has her hangups about her androgynous appearance first, and then her intersex body later. See also, their awkward, and at times uncomfortable/forced miming of their ideas of how a man and a woman in a relationship “ought” to act. For George, this can sometimes veer into really uncomfortable ordering around of Shannon…and as for Shannon herself…she learns to react in specific ways to his artificial negging. Both are trying to follow the “script” for how George thinks these types of couple interactions should go/what he thinks Shannon wants based on his distorted perceptions of her past relationship with Battler.

They are both also well aware of the inexperience of the other in relationship matters, so they are able to kind of do a training-wheels version of an actual relationship (most notable with George, but for Shannon like as much as she eventually slowly grows to like George…kind of…any boy who was nice/showed interest would have done the job).

Nearing perfection but wisely electing To shun my reflection, preferring instead shoe inspection

Even then, they’re both twice shy due to their own neuroses so their relationship kind of stalls until George resolves to marry her.

3.

They are also both desperately wanting to leave their old/current self behind, in favour of remaking themselves in order to reach a certain type of future, even at great personal cost. For George, this is his desire to go all out in marrying Shannon, even to the point of throwing away his family if he needs to.

Under the table, unwilling, unable, the torture's medieval The dream is a fable with feeble wings

For Shannon this is her murder-suicide bomb plot deathwish that will wipe away all traces of the truth of her cage of flesh (of the body which makes her “unable to love” in a physical sense..and also a genetic one..since it taints the romantic relationships that were so important for her with incest) ,and make real the possibility of her relationship with George being a True, Uncomplicated Love. They differ greatly though in what this commitment to this relationship means emotionally….for George it’s triumphant but for Shannon, while also triumphant in a way…it’s a bittersweet death march.

Why does the mouse share the house with the louse? They won't say, but they feel their feelings

It’s also worth noting that both of them see the other as “above” themself, and as attaching themself onto someone better in order to improve themself (regardless of whatever the actual reality of their class and age difference is…)

4.

I'm ashamed to admit I'm afraid of assuming the blame For my lame abnegation of braveness and fame Brain in a jar in a car in reverse, I'm rehearsing the way I'll replay how to say how to be where you are

In pursuing this relationship, they both want to prove to themselves that they are capable of achieving these things that they’ve wanted for so long (performing their gender, remaking themselves). They are both constantly trying to plot out their future and like do a “good job” of hitting milestones in their relationship rather than being carried naturally from one stage to another.

Anyway I have no way to wrap this up lmfaoo this is just my loose thoughts! These two are really interesting! Their weird falsely-mutualistic relationship where theyre simultaneously both getting something but also not really getting something of actual substance since its all performance. The selves they present to each other within the context of the relationship are curated specifically to exist in the relationship. And of course this relationship “succeeding” crystallises Sayo’s resolve to undertake the murder suicide…the win condition for both of them is so drastically different haha…

[offshore-brinicle]

Little personal Limbus theory that I've been working on for some time is that the Limbus Sinners' inciting indicents that led them down the path of joining the company, being the moment when their wish was born, all happened at the same time 3 years before the current story.

Thanks to some old leaks where people managed to dig up three of the Sinners' unobstructed profiles, we know Yi Sang and Sinclair's official ages are 29 and 20 respectively. Remove 3 years from that:

Yi Sang would have been 26, which is the age the narrator of The Wings claims to be, after leaving his wife behind once and for all and pressumably commiting suicide by jumping off the rooftop of a department store. 26 is the real Yi Sang's age at the time of his death as well, after his tuberculosis worsened imprisioned by the Japanese forces, so this means most likely he's left N Corp behind 3 years prior, avoiding such a fate, be it either death by his own hands in despair or torment at the hands of Hermann since she seems to threaten him with torture.

Sinclair on the other hand would have been 17 which aligns with him still being in high school when the incident with Kromer happened and also mentions in his observation log for Kromer that she has grown slightly taller since the last time they met, however what was of him and how he had survived for so long taking in count he woke up in the Backstreets after his family's murder is still a mystery.

Now recently, not only the Pequod crew speculate that they have been trapped inside The Whale for 3 years, but we get direct confirmation that Limbus!Heathcliff is from the Wuthering Heights timeskip thanks to his Queequeg ID.

The first one is pretty self-explenatory, they say it themselves, though it's dubious how true this is since they have no way of tell the passage of time inside the whale and even the woman who says this sounds somewhat unsure, and Pip who was a young child in Ishmael's memory still looks the same when we see him again in the present and it's difficult to say if this is a side effect of the Pallidfication. (on the other hand I am impressed at the growth rate of Ishmael's hair for being only 3 years)

On the other hand, Heathcliff's Queequeg ID mentions the event that led him to run away from Wuthering Heights in the original novel; he overhears Catherine saying to Nelly that marrying him would be "a disgrace to her", so driven by his anger and heartbreak he ran away, making his own fortune elsewhere so that he would return to the state seeking vengeance and to become someone who Catherine would be willing to marry. This had been implied before through his general behavior and his mugshot showing him still shabby and bruised as well as his N Corp story, but this leaves no room for questioning.

All of this means that if we go by the book, at least 3 years have passed since he left Wuthering Heights and Canto VI which is next and dedicated to him would correspond with Heathcliff's return to Wuthering Heights both in Limbus' story and in the book, meaning Catherine is most likely still alive, yet Heathcliff as a Sinner in Limbus Company is a far cry from the newly powerful version of Heatchliff that returns to the state in the book, so it's likely things will play out not quite the same.

Faust's line in the Walpurgisnacht cutscene says that the standard extraction timeline range is limited to 3 years between the past and future.

In this cutscene she also says that the extractions are powered by possibility itself, and the IDs that become available are also influenced by the Sinners' experiences at the company and how they come to reconsider themselves and each other, that's how for example we get N Corp. Sinclair and Spicebush Yi Sang after being faced with Kromer digging at Sinclair and telling him about the world where they work together, and then Yi Sang being so strongly affected internally by Dongbaek's death and ultimate fate, which would be the most intense story-focused examples so far, and if we eventually get a Captain Ahab ID for Ishmael, they had already established she was down the path of becoming another Ahab, and she herself did not realize this until they met again.

If all of the Sinners' great choices that led them down the path they are currently all happened 3 years ago and the initial extraction range is 3 years, it would make sense, since these would be the moments that weight on their mind most strongly, though there's also the case of Outis who has been on her own journey for at least 10 years going by the original Odyssey and how long ago The Smoke War was, same case for Gregor who's specific motives for joining are still unknown.

[good-beanswrites]

I talked about my Milgram actors theory earlier, but @amugoffandoms reminded me I also have a little emotional support au version of the idea I’ve been meaning to chat about! It's actually not a typical actors au -- the canon events still happen, but are staged by the in-universe Milgram organization.

(Edit, now with a fic!)

Just like in canon, the organization has a mysterious/supernatural ability to identify and track down ten specific people at their breaking point. In this au, though, it's ten people who could have committed crimes soon. They discreetly reach out to these individuals, requesting for them to be actors in their experiment. They say there will be someone playing a prison guard, and explain the premise. With a bit of coaxing or bribing for a few, they all accept.

Milgram ensures these newfound “prisoners” don’t need to change many details about their lives – the less lies to keep track of, the easier it would be for these ordinary people to pull off such an extensive con. 

Some of them are exactly as they were right before their murders, such as Yuno, Fuuta, Muu, and Kotoko. Haruka, his sister, and Amane did go through traumatic abuse, but it was Milgram that pulled them out of the situation before they resorted to murder. Mikoto is/has been aware of his alters for a while at this point.

Some of the others are taken from their lives after things that could have ended fatally turned out alright: Shidou’s family got into an accident but all recovered; Milgram picked up on his private realization that he would have done anything to save them, were the damage worse. Mahiru and Kazui’s partners attempted/considered suicide, but did not succeed. In Mahiru’s case, they reached a friendship despite breaking up. I still don’t know enough about Kazui’s wife, but I like to think they’re pretty separate now. 

The ten prisoners weren’t allowed to meet beforehand, but they individually collaborated with the Milgram team to write the lyrics for their t1 songs and film their videos. I'll mention more about the other actors later, but the filming process is a lot of fun. Though the topics confront them with some unsavory thoughts about themselves, it's a good time singing and acting and getting the giggles on set and everything.

Milgram pulls Es from wherever they were for whatever reason, wipes their memory, and drops them into the prison. The prisoners are unaware that Es didn't come willingly, as they all did.

Once the experiment begins, everyone’s interactions that we’ve seen to this point are genuine. The prisoners get to know each other, while they come to terms with the fact that themselves and these others all had murderous potential. Their personalities, behaviors, and stories from their lives are all true. In the interrogations, they speak honestly to Es about their values and choices. The only faked things are the actual references to the murders, and the “invisible force” that they pretend to hit when acting in violence. Mikoto is instructed to use a bit of violence during his interrogation, though Kotoko sneaking in wasn’t scripted – she genuinely had her concerns about his character and acted accordingly. 

While Es sleeps after T1, the prisoners are treated the same regardless of verdict. They provide the team with their genuine thoughts about one another to decide what the staged incidents should be. Kotoko doesn’t actually hate the guilty prisoners, but she recognizes she would’ve wanted to take justice into her own hands in a real situation. Amane is very upset but Es' verdict, but the team helps her dramatize her transformation a bit. Haruka and Muu genuinely get that close. Yuno does wish to be left alone.

They film their second trial videos, now allowed to be around the other prisoners as they do so. They also invite people in their life to come in and play their victims. Yes, it’s just as awkward as it sounds. This is where the prisoners do their real reflection – they think about Es’ verdict for them and what they could have been capable of. There’s a bit of relief from both parties knowing that things will turn out alright now that Milgram intervened (ironic, I know, but this is my fix-it hehe). Shidou’s kids are excited to be filmed, not really understanding the context. Haruka once again works with an actor playing his younger self, a bit put off by how similar they look and the memories he bring back. Haruka’s mother, Rei, and Amane’s cult members (if they appear) are some of the only characters played by strangers, though they do look strikingly similar to the real people. Fuuta’s victim is also played by a stranger. Things are still tense with Hinako, but she agrees to appear. 

The team helps the prisoners fake injuries with lots bandages and slings. Then they wake Es. The same is repeated for T2/T3.

Now, I’ve played out a few different paths depending on my angst tolerance at the moment – sometimes Es goes through with the third trial verdicts and is forced to watch the executions (not realizing they're cleverly staged). Sometimes they refuse, finding a way to stop the whole experiment. Sometimes the prisoners realize that Es has been an unwilling participant, and bring the experiment to a stop themselves. Sometimes someone jams a wrench in the mv machine and try to blow it up in order for everything to end before final verdicts.

Because of limited details, the ending can play out however one wants. But my go-to is that Es wake up sometime afterwards in a clean facility filled with scientists. They’re brought to an interrogation room – this time on the other side of the questioning. They’re asked about their motivations, actions, emotions, choices, verdicts (or the reason they rebelled at the very end). A few doors down, the prisoners are being asked similar questions of self-reflection and morality. 

Es demands to know what’s going on, while the team tries to assure them that the prisoners are all fine. Es doesn’t buy this, though. They know what kind of mind games the experiment has tried to pull, and can’t tell what’s truth or lie anymore. Things get heated as they demand to see the prisoners. Meanwhile, the prisoners are getting worked up asking about Es. If they haven't already, this is when they learn that Es was an actual prisoner there the whole time. The last time they were together the situation was very intense, and they’re all incredibly worried about them. 

In the end, they manage to break out of their rooms and reunite in the middle of the facility, and Es is shocked. All ten are alive and well, even those they may have seen die. No eyes or limbs are missing. They’re all laughing and getting along, no matter what kinds of fights they got into between trials. Even more shocking is when the victims join them later – also all alive and happy. 

The ending has a bit of unavoidable angst since Es would be pretty fucked up by the whole experiment. They’d struggle with trust issues and knowing what’s reality. However, it’s still an overwhelmingly happy ending. They get to befriend the prisoners and their families outside of the painful context they met in. Regretting their ignorance of the situation, the prisoners decide to make up for lost time and spend a lot of positive, quality time with Es. The kids are finally allowed to play, and the they finally let the adults act a bit protective over them. This is when the found family completely kicks in lol. Es gets to sleep easy knowing they are all alive and happy, they receive all their memories again, and they get to return home to their own family.

I added it to a reblog but editing with @/qrevo's tags because this is what I was looking for but couldn't quite pin down to make it healing for Es too:

[luneengene2]

&Team 04 Line : Accidentally Hurt/Injure (Verbally or Physically) You During an Argument

• Warnings : Angst content, rant, contains grammatical errors

- Yuma Part : Death of parents, mentioning suicide, insult, mention of mental health

- Jo Part : insecurity, comparison, appearance insult

- Let me know if I'm missing something

• A/N : I don't know why I wanted to make this version for 04 Line after making the version for hyung-line. BTW, if you are sensitive about this, please don't read this content, don't leave malicious comments if you don't like this content. Because this is just story content that has nothing to do with the real world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

• YUMA

(rockstar!yuma x fem!reader)

The sudden death of your parents was a nightmare you never expected to come true. Losing a parent is the same as losing light, the world seems pitch black. And you don't even have the energy to move.

Your parents died in a train accident, at that time you were on campus to start your annual practical exam.

If your brother Jo is not by your side, you might really not be sane anymore, because you would immediately experience severe depression and even hurt yourself. Not only Jo, there is one person who is always trying to make you survive. Your beloved lover, Nakakita Yuma.

Yuma is a rock star, he is famous, many girls are in love with him. However, Yuma chose you. A simple girl who always made him laugh. After the death of your parents, Yuma was always by your side whenever you needed him.

You tried to commit suicide several times, but Yuma always succeeded in calming you down. However, Yuma is also still an ordinary human. Sometimes, he has a tired side because he keeps seeing you not being able to control yourself. When he was tired or even at work, Jo suddenly often called him, telling him that you had hurt yourself. And like it or not, Yuma still comes to see you. In fact, he was also very tired and stressed because of his work.

"Eat it, Y/N. You have to eat," Yuma said patiently, he handed you a spoonful of rice. But you didn't respond to his words. Your eyes just stare blankly ahead. Blank. It's like there's no life there.

"I'm already here, but you still don't want to eat? Y/N, don't go on like this," No response again. Yuma took a deep breath, he had to stay calm when you were in a condition like this.

"Y/N-"

"Didn't I tell you I don't want to eat yet, Yuma?" You cut Yuma off before he told you to eat again. "Your therapist told you to eat, and Jo wants you to eat too. I want you to get better," Yuma said softly.

You chuckled when Yuma said that. "Get Better? I'm not sure I can recover after my parents are gone forever," You said, then your gaze went blank again.

"You won't recover if you continue like this, your parents will be sad there if their daughter continues like this," — Yuma

"If they're sad, I'm sadder here, Yuma. They just left me like that," — You

"This fate is bittersweet, Y/N. But I beg you, fight your bitter fate and try to get up," — Yuma

"You keep saying that, Yuma. You don't understand how it is to be in my position, how tired I am when fate keeps beating me over and over again. I don't understand why people just keep saying that and telling me to get up and let it go. Doing that is not as easy as turning your palm. I always get those useless words, which still make me not enthusiastic about living," You said that because you were provoked by emotion, the sadness was getting sharper, and also because you were tired. You were 'less' conscious when you said that.

However, Yuma actually lost his patience, his facial expression immediately changed completely to become angry and unfriendly. He places your tablespoon roughly on the plate. Put the plate on your nightstand until it makes quite a loud sound.

"Then what kind of words do you want to be useful for you, Princess?" Yuma asked sarcastically, he clenched his wrist. "You think the world really has to pivot towards you? Do you want everyone to always be useful to you? So, you think everyone who supports you with words is useless? Not everyone is obliged to understand your position, because you don't necessarily understand other people's positions. Many people sacrifice their time to entertain you, including me! Right now my schedule is busy, I'm stressed. And when Jo called that you were hurting yourself, I was immediately stressed too. I'm tired too, Y/N. Tired of seeing you don't change and you even say things like that. So you've been saying I'm useless all this time?" Yuma asked annoyed, you realized your mistake, not daring to look at Yuma. You even crumpled the blanket that was on top of you.

"Just so you know, I sacrificed my time and career hours so I could accompany you. Imagine you are in my position, when you are tired from work, Your brother called me that you were doing something that was hurting yourself. I'm always stressed and worried when I hear the news, not to mention the sharp demands of my job. And you can easily say that my words are useless. Are you hungry for attention? Do you just want validation, pity? Many girls are in your position but not as dramatic as you. Next time, when Jo calls me again, I don't want to have anything to do with an insane girl like you again until you are completely healed," Yuma said harshly at the end of the sentence. He was tired, and his tiredness was already at a terrible stage. And if he is in that position, his emotions will overflow, and sometimes he will say harsh words beyond his control.

"I apologize on Y/N's behalf, Yuma," Hearing Jo's voice, Yuma immediately looked towards the door. He saw Jo standing in front of your bedroom door. He didn't realize Jo was already there, when you also looked emotional and angry earlier. Yuma could see the look in Jo's eyes, disappointed, angry and sad. In that instant, Yuma immediately realized what he had said to you.

Jo entered your room, walking towards Yuma, giving him a bitter smile. "I'm sorry if Y/N and I have been a bother to you after the death of our parents. Sorry if Y/N makes you worried and stressed, forgive her too because she always bothers you. Next time, I really won't bother you," Jo said softly. He was quite hurt because his sister was called insane by Yuma, but he didn't blame Yuma. Jo also immediately understood what Yuma's condition was like.

Yuma immediately shook his head in panic. "Jo, I didn't mean it like—"

"I understand your position, there's no need to be afraid or feel guilty," Jo cut slowly but sharply. Yuma became increasingly panicked seeing Jo's calm expression, but Yuma knew that behind Jo's calm expression, the man must be hiding sadness.

Yuma looked at you who were already flooded with tears, from squeezing your hands into the blanket it was clear that you wanted to scream, and it definitely hurt. "Y/N, don't listen to what I said just now, darling. Please don't take my words to heart, I beg you. I didn't mean to hurt you. I really don't understand your position, darling. You didn't do anything wrong, I'm in the wrong here," Before Yuma touched you, Jo pulled him away slowly, still smiling. "It's time for you to rest and go home, I know you are very tired after facing my sister again, go home, Yuma. Calm your mind, you need to rest," Jo said softly, but Yuma really didn't want to leave you. "Jo, you can be mad at me, but—"

"I'm not mad at you, I understand your position now. Y/N and I have been giving you trouble all this time," Yuma shook his head, he tried to reverse Jo's belief, that he didn't feel in trouble, but it seemed like Jo didn't want to cause Yuma any more trouble.

"Jo—"

"Go home, Yuma. Y/N also needs rest, it's almost late at night, you have a stage schedule tomorrow, right?" Jo cut in again, and Yuma knew, it seemed like Jo was 'throwing him away' subtly so he wouldn't feel even more guilty.

Yuma lost, he sighed then took his bag. Before completely leaving in front of you and Jo, Yuma stroked your hair and then gave your head a long kiss.

As he entered his car, he cursed harshly several times and got angry at himself for not being able to control his emotions in front of you. Moreover, he uttered insults that were not appropriate.

• JO

(Basketball player!Jo x Nerd!fem!reader)

"Why did you have to be the representative for the photo shoot, Jo?" You looked at Jo sadly when he was just busy playing basketball. You and him were on the basketball court which was relatively quiet, because Jo didn't want to go home from there yet.

"Yeah, because I'm the captain of my team," Jo said lightly.

"But doesn't it have to be the captain?" — You

"Yes, but my coach chose me." — Jo

"But you can refuse," — You

"I can't refuse my coach," — Jo

"But it hurts me," Jo let out a rough breath when you said that, he turned around to look at you. "It's just a photo shoot, Y/N. There's nothing to worry about," Jo said which made you even sadder, you smiled faintly at him. "This photo shoot for the school sports magazine certainly worries me. You know, the cheerleading captain who will be photographed with you is one of the girls who has a big crush on you. She's also the girl who doesn't like me because I'm dating you," Jo rubbed his face roughly, because you were always sensitive when he was close to lots of girls, whether it was just for a project or something else. "It's just a photo, Y/N! No more than that, don't overdo it like that," Jo said, he was starting to look annoyed at your behavior.

"Yeah, photos that can hurt my feelings! You always don't understand how I feel," You said vehemently. Jo slammed the basketball roughly. "You always act childish when I only have projects with girls. Come on, Y/N! Try to understand my position too!" Jo growled in frustration, but you also got emotional. "Not just photos, but any means he can find to get you. I'm not stupid, all the girls love you openly, they flirt with you even though they know you're my boyfriend!" You shouted harshly at Jo. "Oh or are you happy because you can deal with beautiful girls, you're bored with me, right?" You continued, and it ended up leading to words that he was completely unaware of.

"Yes! I enjoy dealing with beautiful girls?! Yes, I'm bored with you, that's why I always enjoy dealing with beautiful girls!" Jo responded to your scream no less harshly. You also jumped in surprise when he shouted at you with words that quite hurt you. "You should be self-aware, if you want to be in the position of a girl who can be with me without fear or insecurity, you should change yourself! Don't remain static as a nerd girl who can only be blindly jealous but can't change herself one bit!" Jo continued sharply, hie mouth completely unknown to him because he was saying words that you shouldn't have heard.

"Be beautiful if you want to be like them! You can't get into cheerleading extracurriculars, and you're just complaining. Not trying to change! I also wonder why I could fall in love with you, crazy about you. Even though there are many girls who are more beautiful than you," Jo's last words succeeded in breaking your heart. And you start to feel like you should have rejected him when he asked you out. You don't think about the risks of what he might say if he's emotional. You also feel that what Jo said is also true. You should change yourself, not just complain and complain about your insecurities.

Jo, who was still annoyed, immediately took his bag, he was about to leave you out of the field. "Do you want our relationship to end, Jo?" You asked in a shaky voice as he walked quickly after bumping into your shoulder. Jo immediately stiffened when he heard your hoarse voice. This is the first time he's heard your voice this strained.

He looked over at you who just stood there, your eyes bloodshot, holding back the tears that were really about to come out. And for the first time too, he saw your eyes look this broken.

"If I really can't meet your standards, let's just end this relationship. Find another girl of your dreams," You continued what you were saying. You said that with fear, afraid that he was really bored and didn't love you anymore.

"You can date any girl, any girl who meets your standards. I just don't want to ruin your youth anymore because of dealing with a girl like me," In that instant, Jo immediately seemed to have been hit by a stupid word. He doesn't realize and doesn't understand that you are the one who is hurt the most here, not him.

"No, Y/N. Don't say that, my dream is with you," Jo said frantically. He walked quickly over to you, when he was near you again. He pulled you into his arms, you wanted to struggle, but the more you struggled, the stronger his hug became. As a result, you just cried loudly in his arms, screaming angrily several times, but Jo didn't care about that.

"You didn't ruin my youth, I almost ruined my dreams myself. Please forgive me. You're right, I never understood your condition and pain," Jo's tears also flowed quite fast. He's afraid, afraid that his dreams will disappear if you leave. Because, his dream is with you, not with another girl.

"Please, don't leave me. I need you more than anything, I will give you what you should get," Jo said hoarsely, she placed a soft kiss on your forehead, not caring that you were sweaty from crying.

[rainbow-banana-slug]

echorise 🌊

[plain text: echorise 🌊 waves emoji]

[id: faceless character in water be looked at from above. they have water as hair that light blue n glowing a little but have shadows. it in side ponytail held together by ship rudder. have dark blue skin. they wear translucent navy blue shirt with light blue sequins/beads & white shirt collar & flowy white sleeve over lighter navy dress with spaghetti strap. on bottom dress part there big scales with purplish blue to blue to light blue gradient. they sit in dark navy water. end id]

🌊.

their skin navy

on picture don’t have eyes n mouth - most likely stylistic choice for this piece specifically. have thought about make it permanent, but some parts of character story not decided yet, n want make sure not accident be in harmful trope territory for blindness low vision & facial difference. n much rather on purpose make blind low vision character w facial difference anyway. tho if you blind or low vision or have facial difference n want draw them like this that also welcomed :D

🌊.

they/them/themselves plural

echorise pronounce /echo-ris/ or /E-co-ris/, like icarus

demi-god/dess. not as in blood born child. as in being saved and reborn by gentle touch. as in creation. as in sponsorship. as in promotion you must be grateful for. as in experiment. as in cruelty. not as in mercy.

“many in one”

maybe can be see as complex dissociative disorder adjacent. there amnesia. there possessive switches, passive influence, co-conscious, & member conflicts. not really meant be accurate exact CCD.

they character that mirror but opposite of my many (modified & AU & mythologically inaccurate) interpretations of icarus myth

this character storyline blanket content warning about death & loss: including suicide & filicide & etc. -> if okay, see under cut

artfight character profile

person who originally body belong to, have decided many things, but is base off of one of oldest oc. had water magic & hair was same except regular n not made of water, n blond. current clothes fancier version of original clothes as call back :>

now, body that house many , a collection of many — those who died by water.

hesitant share this because worry see as glorification. not meant to be. meant to be heavy. meant to bear witness. some of these fantasy elements, but many of them happen in real life. is meant bear witness to them.

death by suicide through drowning in ocean; try stay afloat in life meet societal expectations, but finally couldn’t anymore, story about perhaps lower support needs autistic/wider neurodivergent burnout - icarus kept flapping his wings trying stay afloat, but realized had no feathers left and was flapping bare arms.

victim of filicide by blood caregiver as a severely disabled child, n story about disorganized attachment.

death by elopement into water as nonverbal level 3 autistic child , with suicidal single mother blaming herself, alive but drowning in grief; elopement very common n very serious thing for autistic people, can happen in instant three seconds look away, & autistic people drown at disproportionate rate from fascination of water & elopement, both especially serious risk of happening for higher support needs people with limited to no awareness of danger. boy (trans, but at age of death no ability communicate it or understand it), fell in love with child-like wonder with tropical fish ever since mom brought him to aquarium. once overwhelmed n eloped out of house, body wanting safeness & familiarity, instinctively went to body of water near by. accidentally drowned, could not understand danger, not yet realize not all water have tropical fish. mother putting away groceries (hence unlocked door) n looked down for few seconds. few seconds too late n once raise head, boy nowhere to be seen to be followed. will regret that few seconds for rest of life. - child icarus locked away as punishment of crime he didn’t commit, getting too excited with childlike wonder seeing sun n feeling warmth in perhaps first time, & a forever devastated daedalus

a story about a corrupt ruler in history & his child who was killed via water to cover up his crimes, a curse, & history repeating - king minos basically sentenced icarus to death for crime by blood association to his father, commentary about power

n others

[wistfulwatcher]

"at least natalie's death was narratively satisfyin—"

no. it wasn't. they gave us a character who has struggled with addiction her whole life. struggled with self-harm in a variety of forms. who has felt lost and guilty for the last twenty-five years. a character who has been suicidal multiple times in the past, a character who was literally suicidal a week ago.

and you killed her a day after she started to actually, truly try to heal.

yes, this show has always been dark. yes, from the first moment of the entire series we knew these girls committed unspeakable violence on one another, and did so ritually. yes, we knew that the adult versions of these characters spent the last twenty-five years struggling with their guilt and shame and trauma, and were doing it very, very poorly.

all of this just shows that the story has been in their struggle. this has been—or at least it was initially sold as—a show about women and their trauma. a show about women who don’t know how to examine their trauma, don’t know how to process it. who can’t take more than small glances at what happened, but who can also never, ever forget that it’s there. this has been a show about women who are coping, most times poorly, but very, very realistically.

and there was so much hope in that, despite (or because) this is such a dark show. these women can screw up and struggle and be real people—which women never get to be on television—and still maybe, they can heal bit by bit. there was always an inherent hope in this story, because they were all still, as adults, trying to make a life for themselves even if they were muddling through it.

in season two, natalie starts to heal at the retreat. (apparently—i personally found her 180 between "qui" and "burial" highly suspect and very poorly executed, but that's a moot point now.) she spends most of the season struggling against lottie, but finally accepts lottie's therapy (thanks to lisa) and beginning with "burial" she keeps trying to get the girls to talk about what happened. she figures out what she needs to move forward—to finally, truly address what happened in the wilderness by talking about it. that becomes her goal, and her focus with the others.

but natalie doesn't get to talk about anything. the girls want to drink instead of talk in "burial". and in "it chooses," the second nat suggests they talk, lottie shuts her down and suggests they drink poison instead. natalie is sober, and trying to do what she thinks she is supposed to do by confronting her trauma. she has made all of the "right" choices to actually heal from her pain, but she never gets to.

natalie’s entire story line, set up in her very introduction in the pilot, is to find her purpose. she talks about her self-destructive behaviors being due to her lack of one, and makes it clear that she intends to find that purpose once she leaves therapy. thus, for natalie’s story to be narratively satisfying, her story needs to end with her finding that purpose, right? which means that, if we are to treat this as a narratively satisfying ending, then natalie physically sacrificing her life for lisa is supposed to be that purpose. 

but death is not a purpose. and, to portray it as such for a character who has tried to commit suicide is, honestly, disgusting to me. especially for a character who was saved—again, a week ago—from her attempt by the very woman who then encourages her to drink poison that is used to "put animals out of their misery". who is then told in her death vision to “let the wilderness in” (when "the wilderness" has been a pretty clear metaphor for trauma!!!). they spent all season telling a suicidal character to suddenly let go and give in and stop resisting in a narrative that leads to her “””finding purpose””” in her fucking death. not to mention letting that death be recorded as "an overdose" after she has been explicitly sober as part of her growth!!

a far, far more narratively satisfying path for natalie is for her to actually find a purpose that is consistent with the hunter-protector she’s always been described as. in “no compass” tai says that natalie is the reason they all made it out of the wilderness. (again, wilderness as a metaphor for trauma!) so why, on earth would the better story line, the more consistent story line, the more satisfying story line—especially when this show is all about parallels and cycles repeating—not be natalie leading them all out of “the wilderness” by helping them process the trauma? by getting them all to talk about it?

(i didn’t necessarily need or expect yellowjackets to give a truly “good” message or resolution—bittersweet would be plenty for me—but can you imagine the beauty of that story? the character who has felt nothing but pain and guilt, who has been alone for the majority of her life, who has never felt good and stable love, being the one to break through the trauma first? the one who finally learns to heal first, and protects them all once again by leading them through the wilderness? a story of a woman supporting women through trauma that only they can understand?)

instead natalie's story goes from struggling with her pain and guilt, to trying to find some purpose in her life, to losing that purpose and attempting suicide, to being saved and actually starting to address her trauma head-on. and then dying before she can. i'm sure there are some people who believe that this is character growth (the briefest moment of addressing her trauma), but it wasn't; her growth is blunted by her death.

and this makes her death both tragic and unsatisfying. a character who struggles so hard and so long, who finally, finally sees a light, and the moment she reaches for it, is shifted back to where she was a week ago, having never gotten to actually grow.

so no, just because i am personally devastated by nat's death does not mean that i am blind to the narrative; quite the opposite. i am furious both as a fan of the character and a fan of the story. i feel deceived, disappointed, and insulted by every single part of this story. i feel like we were all cheated out of what could have been a beautiful exploration of a complex and fascinating character. and on top of all that i am very, very hurt.

[jadeleechsupportgroup]

How Not to Fall

malleus as therapy round two.

cw: suicidal ideation/attempts/methods, mental breakdown, severe depression, grief/implied death. discretion advised.

Flying is just learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

I would be lying to tell you I haven’t imagined this moment a hundred different ways.

Some versions are more involved than others. Sometimes the scene drags on for several pages. Other times it’s over in half a paragraph.

This time, I’m standing on top of a wall. It’s dark out, a combination of night and storm clouds, because it’s more dramatic that way. The wall is stone, black or dark gray, covered in moss and lichen that makes it look older and darker. Thorns crowd my feet. Also dark, maybe purple for a little color contrast, though.

“Why did you save me?”

My voice is as unstable as I am. In between blinks, my view of the wall changes. Sometimes it’s dozens of feet thick and I’m safely-ish enough in the middle of it. Sometimes it’s the width of a balance beam beneath the toes of my tired sneakers. Cold rain makes the vines and mosses grow thicker and the flat, grimy surface of the stone turn slick and dangerous. It also makes me shiver. I never was one for the cold.

“Are you asking me to save you again?”

Malleus. As usual. And, as he says, again.

“I don’t know,” I tell him, and it’s the truth.

“I would not be here otherwise.”

I squeeze my eyes shut against the rain. Tears burn their way out instead. Acid rain. Ha ha. “Maybe, then. I’m not sure.”

“I will leave,” he says slowly, “if that is what you wish.”

“No.” Panic takes hold and makes me shake, but I can’t move. If I move, I’ll fall, with nothing but an abyss to catch me. “Don’t go. Don’t leave.”

“Do you want me to-”

“No,” I say again, less sharply. “Just. Just stay there for a minute. And talk to me.”

“Alright.”

I listen to the rain and keep my eyes closed. I feel around for the limits of the wall with my toes, inch by centimeter. It turns out to be wide enough for me to sit on, so I do. I’m too scared to move more than that. I open my eyes after a bit and stare into the distance where the horizon would be if this were real.

Malleus walks close enough that I can hear the creaking leather of his boots and the heavy, hand-woven fabric of his cloak brushing against him. The wall must be wide enough for him to walk comfortably, then. I’m not that well-practiced at looking away from the dark, but thinking about little shit things like that keeps my head above the water.

(Water. Drowning. Fighting for air, swallowed by the sea. Monstrous things grasping at me and tugging me into the deep. Another time, another place.)

“Is there something you would like for me to say?”

His question snaps me back to the present again. For a second, it’s not cold, not raining. But a second doesn’t last long.

“Tell me anything.” I sniffle. “Anything to make me change my mind.”

“Do I need to change your mind?” he asks instead. He crouches next to me and brushes my shoulder with the lightest touch, as if afraid I will burst into flame at the end of his fingers. Maybe I will. That would be a way to go.

(Would the car have caught fire in the crash? Probably not. Modern cars are too fucking safe. Probably wouldn’t even let me crash it.)

I frown without turning to look at him. “I don’t know, do you?”

He laughs, the fucker. “You are still here,” he replies.

“Yeah, I can’t commit to anything. Thanks for reminding me.”

Malleus chances a firmer hold on my shoulder. “This is not a personality flaw.”

I scowl. “Are you seriously telling me ‘it’s not a bug, it’s a feature?’”

“Is it not a truth of being human? The will to survive the night, if only for the chance of a brighter tomorrow?” He sits down next to me, bumping my leg with his. “I think you agree, else you would not have suggested it.”

I don’t have an answer for that, even a snarky one. It’s quiet for a long time, except for the rain and the occasional growl of thunder in the purple distance. I can’t think about much besides the staggering pain in my chest, the stupid nerve behind my heart, stabbing, burning, aching, strangling pain, pain that hurts over and over again. I grind one hand into my sternum relentlessly, as if it will help, because it’s the only thing I can do. Well, not the only thing.

(I shut that idea down pretty fast. I can’t handle pain that well.)

“I hate being human,” I choke out.

Malleus looks at the horizon with me. “Do you really? Truthfully?”

“Yes!” I snap. “I- fuck’s sake, Mal, everyone around me is dying. Do you have any idea how many friends I’ve lost in the past couple years? My family? I’m not- this isn’t supposed to happen at my age.” I break off and start sobbing again. “Shouldn’t happen to anyone, but…you know what I mean. It’s not fair.”

He makes a sound of curiosity. “We have broached this topic before,” he says patiently. “About things being unfair.”

I can’t respond.

“I know you think I am unfair, as well.” This he says with profound sadness, a depth of guilt that shatters me all over again. “Rather, it is unfair that I cannot understand your suffering.”

“N-no, that’s not-”

“Shhh.” He wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Many things are unfair, my friend, but you can be assured that this, at least, is a feeling I know personally.”

“Fuck. You’re right. I’m sorry.” How could I forget? It has to be bad enough to watch centuries of friends die around you. Worse still when it’s someone closer.

“You need not apologize,” he says softly. “Grief can be a wretched beast. And I am aware that I am not saying anything you do not already know.”

I hiccup in a sad attempt to get my shit together. “I know.”

The clouds look thinner. I can see a few stars poking through. The pain loosens its grip, and even though I know it will squeeze me harder again soon, for now, it doesn’t.

I lean my head on his shoulder. “This armor is the worst pillow ever, man.”

He chuckles. “Sometimes one must choose between preparing for battle and hiding safely within a fortress.” He takes a slow, deep breath that moves his shoulder beneath my head. “Sometimes one does not have a choice.”

“Well.” I sniffle, probably getting unnameable goo on his fancy uniform. “I hope you get to choose for yourself soon.”

“I wish the same for you.”

“I think, um. I think I want to get down now.”

Mal snaps his fingers, and we are standing on the forest floor. The wall stretches high overhead now, past the trees’ canopies, up toward the clouds and the stars. I could imagine it still, hanging off the edge, clinging to his hand, the only thing keeping me from falling.

This wasn’t sleep. This was deeper, darker, solid. For once in my life, everything was silent.

Then someone else’s hand grasped my own.

Dark fog clouded my sight. I was afraid to move, because I knew I would fall. Down to the bottom of the abyss.

“Fear not,” said a voice, deep and dark and slow, like tree roots pushing through dirt.

I looked up to see a tiny glow of rich, spring green.

“I will not let you fall.”

“You asked me why I saved you,” says Malleus, “but perhaps the better question is why did you appear to me.” He tilts his head, horns and all, plucking the thought out of my stream of memories. “You needed help,” he says simply. “I needed to…connect with someone. And I suppose…I saw much of myself in you.”

He hugs me. Lets me bury my miserable face into his chest and doesn’t care how much I cry. Which is a lot. Endlessly, it seems.

“I know it feels as though this will never change,” he murmurs, “but it will. Everything does. And as Lilia said, you are not fighting alone.” He pulls away and looks at me. “I will go to war for you every time.”

[cityofmeliora]

Sorry but this is about the Third again.

What does FBI know about the entity called Mysterious Spectre? How does he relate to Papa Emeritus that we see on stage? Some people say they are the same person.

"FBI" is a new one, LOL. i will add that to my list of nicknames.

my personal headcanon / belief is that the music videos for From The Pinnacle To The Pit and Square Hammer are Terzo's weird art films that he made about Meliora, his beautiful city Meliora, and Terzo plays two characters who are different fictionalized versions of himself. the Mysterious Spectre is one of them.

in FTPTTP, the main character is selected by the oligarchs of the city to receive the power to control / enslave others. he rejects their offer and commits suicide by jumping from the top of the tower. the Mysterious Spectre is the ghost that rises from his body. the Mysterious Spectre then shares his power, giving the "light" to the people.

the Mysterious Spectre / the events of FTPTTP are referenced in the music video for Square Hammer. the newspaper says "MYSTERIOUS SPECTRE WRESTLES POWER SUPPLY FROM OLIGARCHS", so the events of FTPTTP happened in the same timeline, before events of Square Hammer.

the Mysterious Spectre is also the name of the character played by Terzo's other character, a fictionalized version of himself who is a movie star.

the real Mysterious Spectre escapes the movie screen and appears in the sky, surprising the other Terzo

so yeah basically i think the Mysterious Spectre is a character Terzo created.

i'll explain more about my interpretation of these music videos and what the Mysterious Spectre represents in my upcoming long Terzo Post about Meliora.

[superego-imagines]

Polkadot man × male reader × Captain Boomerang ot3 hcs pls? :3

((Based on them both being here, I assume both of them have been in the Suicide Squad/you’re going by their Suicide Squad version (Polka Dot Man doesn’t really have a character otherwise lmao). Usually though, unless a specific version is clarified, I’m just going to wing it.))

Getting Together Headcanons:

As you probably guessed, Digger is the one to make the first of any kind of move. Member of the squad, agent, hero, villain, man, woman, nonbinary, it doesn’t matter. If he thinks you’re cute, he doesn’t even ask your name before making sure you’re very aware that he does. Did you stand still long enough for him to approach? Congrats! You’re just his type! His sexual orientation would best be described as: Buzzard. Please make him work for it a bit, if for no other reason than his ego will become utterly unbearable otherwise. He’s cute but if those cheesy pick up lines actually get him your number he’s going to use them anytime he wants something (usually to get out of helping with a chore.)

While the relationship starts out really casual, if you’re willing to listen to him chat you up and down and brag about that time he almost (not even close) beat the Flash, well then he’s throwing you over his shoulder for a shotgun Elvis-Officiated wedding. There’s no reason to wait, you have to live each day like your last, literally in his case. Although he’s on parole now, he could be dragged back to some near-death mission or just arrested at any time. No matter how long you’re together you’ll never fully keep him out of trouble. He just loves it too much!

With Abner, it’s sort of the opposite, it takes a lot of time for you two to form first, a close friendship, and then slooooowly working your way up to a romantic relationship. There’s a lot of trauma there, and on top of that, almost thirty years of mental illness and unhealthy coping mechanisms developed to survive that trauma. So yeah, it’s a bit of a nonstarter for a while. But he does crave companionship, having been without it most of his life. So if you’re willing to be patient and understanding and work within his comfort zone, he quickly starts to open up (maybe a bit too much but you’re glad he feels safe enough to overshare?) Once he starts to see you as a safe person and a friend, it’s easier for him to physically see you as an individual and allow himself to look at you. The real you. And once he sees you…well, it’s hard for him not to catch feelings.

There’s not really much internalized homophobia to work through, if only because he’s always been an outcast, in his mind, what’s one more thing? You’re the first person to really be nice to him. How can it be wrong to pursue this? It takes him ages to express his feelings to you, and finding out about your thing with Digger just sets him back months of progress. He definitely spends about a weekend thinking about a way to kill him, before ultimately resigning himself for a lifetime of loneliness. Luckily, you notice what’s wrong and ask him about it. It doesn’t take much for all the bottled up feelings to come bursting out (possibly accompanied by dots.) It’s real emotional all around and you admit to returning his feelings and that, while you still want to be in a relationship with Digger, there might be a solution that can work for everyone.

I won’t lie, neither of them is super thrilled about the idea of an open relationship, well, Digger kinda likes it in theory but why him? It’s not so much that either of them are opposed to the idea, they’d never really thought about it before. Digger hadn’t been in many committed relationships that required actually discussing boundaries and Abner never thought he’d be in a relationship, let alone one and a half of one. I do think you have to start as more of a V than a triangle. They just really rub each other the wrong way. Abner thinks Digger's annoying and rude and Digger thinks he’s a “creepy lil’ cunt.” It also sort of brings out their insecurities whether they acknowledge it or not. They each thrive where the other falls short. Neither can see what you see in the other but they both love you and want desperately to try and make things work even if it means -ugh- spending time with each other.

But eventually, as they watch each other interact with you, they get to see the version of the other that you see. Digger can be sweet when he wants to be (or wants something.) Abner is capable of cracking a joke about once a month. Maybe they aren’t completely unbearable. And if you like them, how bad can they be? And what was a begrudging truce slowly blossoms into something more, even if they’re both a little too emotionally constipated to actually put it into words.

General Relationship Headcanons:

I hope you enjoy your scary and small but ferocious dog privilege. Both of them know how much they hit the jackpot and when they’ve finally stopped fighting each other over you, they become a very protective team. (Not that you can’t hold your own of course.) The Captain is not a particularly jealous guy, if anything it puffs him up a bit knowing everyone else wants what he’s got. Abner, however, is but sometimes lacks the ability to find a middle ground between complete conflict avoidance and murdering an entire room full of people, and the latter would really ruin the night out. Luckily, if Abner asks, Digger is not remotely above making a huge public display of obscene affection and openly challenging anyone in a ten foot radius to fight him about it.

Ideal date for Abner would be a nice night in with good takeout and a bunch of movies. He has so much to catch up on and you two have a list a mile long of things you want to show him. He also has to worry about his condition less, knowing he’ll be in the comfort of his home when he needs to excise some energy and he won’t get weird looks like he does when he starts to glow in a public movie theater. Ideal date for Digger: Stealing Renting a roofless luxury car and just driving out into the country. Past the satellite towns of Central City, there’s nothing but plains where you won’t see another car for miles. He could drive as fast as he wants, without any cops on his case, his boyfriend in the passenger seat (and later, boyfriend two sitting in the back), singing along to each other's favorite songs at the top of their lungs. He doesn’t really have anything planned out beyond that but it's what he thinks about while he waits for you two to rangle up bail money.

Cohabiting is…a bit of a learning curve. Probably one of the hardest parts of your relationship. Abner wants to be helpful but he spent the first half of his life in a lab and the rest in the psych ward of a maximum security penitentiary. He’s literally never had to keep track of the sort of basic things that go into keeping a household running. The idea that if he wants something, he can have it, but he has to do it himself. He’s never cooked for himself, chose his own clothes, or even had agency over his own schedule. Every minute of his day had always been accounted for, and while poorly, his most basic needs were taken care of for him at Belle Reeves. So you have to teach/remind him of a lot of the things that may not occur to you to tell someone. But you get to learn it together! And learning/trying out new recipes or teaming up on a chore can be fun in its own way. At least he’s willing to learn. Digger is…a bit more work. He has lived alone for a long time, but unsupervised. Be prepared for a lot of “What do you mean you have to wash towels? Ain’t the point of a shower that you’re clean at the end?” Or melted plastic in your nice new dishwasher. It wouldn’t be so bad if he would just listen and wasn’t so stubborn about his way working just fine. He’s just a bit set in his ways and it’s hard to get him used to a new routine, set of standards, and just generally living with other folks. But he’ll always come around in the end. ;)

[tommyssupercoolblog]

Incoming very long ramble about the fragility of internet content and the ways some things are impossible or difficult to preserve

The thing that frustrates me most about poppytwt is how fruitless it all feels.

Like, you can't archive or research poppytwt effectively. You can certainly TRY but you'll find very little!!!

You have people who spent years in the poppytwt fandom who can TELL you about fanfics they read, art they saw, friends they made who were deactivated or doxxed or harassed or who committed suicide or are otherwise lost to time, but they'll have almost nothing to show for it because poppytwt was actively designed to be as impossible to trace back as possible, precisely because people were afraid of harassment.

How are you supposed to find, say, Tommy/Tubbo fanfiction? There's some on the actual tag, sure, especially now that poppytwt is for the most part over and it's considered "okay" to ship them now, but I'll tell you right now there are thousands of fics that won't pop up because the fic had no tags whatsoever, or spelled Tubbo like Tvbb0, or used some God awful emoji combination to convey who they were talking about, or were straight up DELETED. Discord servers moved every few years, fanart and fics were usually tagged with censored bullshit or not tagged at all and then taken down and deleted, entire accounts were ALSO deleted, even assuming something was tagged properly it's probably gone.

Most of us in the fandom at the time didn't think to make archives of anything while it was happening, so we've lost like.... probably enough content to make our own small website full of it, and even more chatrooms.

Almost all of the public facing content left is NSFW and/or more controversial kinks like CNC, watersports, etc, which could be because people who post that content are more resistant to criticism anyway but honestly I don't know why that is, and I know sfw content beyond what you can currently find EXISTED, we consumed tons of it back in the day, but it's almost fucking impossible to find!!! And most of it, when you get your hands on a link, is GONE!!!!

It happens with NSFW content too though, if course. Veradie was one of the most popular artists in poppytwt by far and a lot of the art links don't work. Some have archived versions with working links but a lot is gone because the original post leading to it doesn't work, and Veradie, like, the person, is missing. I'm sure she(?) would know a lot about old fandom and might even have archived some stuff, but if you're some sort of internet historian how in the FUCK are you supposed to find her??? She deactivated without a trace!!!

I made friends with a user called Kencydoo on here and one day I logged on and Kency was just GONE without warning or any indication of where they were moving to, no DMs to people they knew, nothing. I don't even know if it was staff or mass reports or a self-deletion. I do know Kency sometimes posted NSFW dead dove stuff and had tags you could block to avoid it, so it's possible one of those posts blew up and got the blog taken down, but I have no level of certainty.

Reese (I think it was Reese?) had people hunting for a "main account" that didn't exist for harassment and doxxing purposes and then ALMOST left (I'm glad you're still here @reesesrambles )

There's no stability for poppytwt content and no real shelf life which means that most of the history and even the harassment that REQUIRED THE EXISTENCE of a seperate fandom is gone. We can describe what the old dsmp fandom was like and why poppytwt exists and what it means but most of the actual concrete fandom blogs or resources are GONE, absolutely obliterated.

Like you can't make a Strange Æons style video about poppytwt, you literally can't, because almost all of it is like the fucking city of Atlantis. There WAS stuff here, but it was constantly sinking.

Most people I know for a fact were involved in poppy honestly just left for the hermitcraft fandom because people over there are like...normal?? The hermitcraft fandom allows RPF and doesn't give a shit about shipping characters who are "sibling coded" or whatever the fuck. They understand the concept of just not clicking on something you don't want to see, instead of launching a twitter cancellation campaign against people. So like if you can talk about a similar, and GOOD source of content that is also actively ongoing and not get shit for it, why would you chose to create for a discontinued peice of content and/or streamers who you WILL get shit on for writing about?? Like if your options are "write grian RPF and be able to not stress and have a fun time" or "write tommyinnit RPF and delete hate comments every day and watch your back constantly" why the fuck would you pick the latter???

And it's frustrating because the fact everything disappears means it feels like you don't even have much to look back on. The friends you made or content you enjoyed about a series you love is all dust now, and if you were into the DSMP for a long time (and therefore in poppytwt for a long time) then it's so much worse. It all adds up.

Anyways that's my ramble on how fucked up it is that entire communities can be lost in an era where things can supposedly be maintained forever does anyone want to drink a caprisun with me

[lookismstuff]

Vin Jin's Cheonliang Story: My Thoughts

tw: suicide, murder speculations

Since PTJ seems to love Detective Kindaichi (Kindaichi Shonen no Jikenbo) as much as I do I think some parts of Vin (Hobin), Mary (Miru) and Taejin's Cheonliang backstory are probably influenced by the Yukikage arc of that shonen manga/anime. Especially the premise of 'I know what you did in our hometown.'

In the Yukikage arc, Kindaichi was grieving the death of a dear old friend from suicide. When he returned to his grandma's village for her funeral, he found that his other old friends had changed and had grown apart. Worse still, they suspected and hated one another. This sad change was caused by a misfortune involving four people. Soon two murders happened, and the victims were among those old friends. This is the saddest Kindaichi arc btw and he was completely alone.

I think what happened to Vin and Mary was probably almost the same. It must've been more than just a change in their attitude that drove them apart from their Cheonliang friends. Something clearly happened that Vin and Mary couldn't talk about except among themselves. Something so bad that even when they tried to console themselves by acting like the cool kids who only loved music, couldn't make them forget.

Some speculated that it was actually Taejin who committed the murder that Vin was accused of doing, but what if, WHAT IF, Vin actually did commit the murder for whatever righteous reasons for himself, Mary, or another person? Or was it a fatal accident involving either Vin or Mary or the both of them? Or was Vin willingly taking the blame for the murder for the sake of either Mary or someone else? Was Taejin an eyewitness to the murder, who later pressured Vin and/or Mary? Or was what Vin meant by Taejin being an "eyewitness" actually an involvement in the murder itself? Were their Cheonliang friends persuaded by Taejin to accept his version of the truth and shunned Vin because of it? Or did they know the real truth and still shunned Vin (and Mary) in spite of it?

The crime and sleuth genre fan in me wonders.

[good-beans]

hiii ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ i've always loved your milgram posts and was hoping to hear you talk about them more. it's a bit of a vague question but i was hoping to hear your thoughts about the characters or songs? or really anything that's been on your mind! apart from that i hope you've been having a good day (or night!)

!!!!! Omg thank you so much?? This made me so happy ;----; I’m sorry if this is more than you bargained for LMAO, I planned on jotting down a few ideas and then I just kept on writing..... I hope you’re having a lovely day/night as well!✨

So, I��m actually not that great with coming up with crime-logistic theories (timelines, cause of death, etc), but I’ve been really interested in the insights we get on characterization from the visuals – specifically looking at the image of the self each prisoner creates. The videos come directly from inside their minds, so these self-portrayals aren’t biased with any manipulation, or how they want Es to view them. I’ve been bouncing these around in my head for a while, so thank you for the reason to actually put them down somewhere! So here are details I’ve gathered on each of them: (And as with everything in Milgram, this is just how I understood the symbolism – if people have other interpretations, I’d love to hear them!)

I've been adding edits as the videos come out, it's through Double now 👍

Haruka: In T1 he definitely views himself as guilty and dangerous. Though it’s dulled with crayon/mixed media, he conjurs a version of himself that’s committing acts of violence even in his suffering. The fact that his younger self takes place as the victim is huge to me. I know it could mean a lot of different things, but my personal interpretation is that Haruka sees his younger self in his little sister. He’s been in her shoes, at a time his mother loved him best. He believes he is the reason she stopped loving him, so he hates this younger version of himself. And this leads him to hate her now that he’s seeing the similarities. I believe the crimes happened extremely recently, so it’s interesting that he portrays himself as a child in much of AKAA. He’s not trying to gain any sympathy with it, he still genuinely feels like a child because of how much he struggles with everything. I don’t know what it means yet, but I’m really interested that despite all the water imagery he creates, he visualizes himself sinking, but never actually drowning/short of breath.

Yuno: Between both her videos, we only ever see her, her, her. This is because her motivations start and end with herself. I know her situation relies heavily on her clients, but in her mind, the one who was in control the whole time was only her. She’s the only one she can trust to take care of her and show her real love. She got into her line of work to benefit herself, and she went through with the abortion to benefit herself. She's taking the ultimate responsibility for everything that happened to her and everything that she did. Though it makes me happy to see it framed as all self love, it’s also clear that she’s unhappy with her decision. And, when everything revolves around versions of herself, there’s only one person she has to hate... 

Fuuta: His self-imagery makes it really clear how his mindset changed between trials. In T1 he genuinely saw himself as the hero, the perfect knight-in-shining-armor. Once doubt started to creep into his mind, though, he suddenly portrays himself as a criminal hiding/running in dark areas. It also emphasizes what he was saying about he and Es being the same: the girl that he accused of being guilty turned to ash after being sprayed with his paint, and he starts turning to ash along with Es’ accusation and paint spray. I know people took that as his suicidal intent, (and while that’s still a thing he does express in Backdraft,) I actually think his burning is just his fear that he’ll die at the end of Milgram. Another little detail, but someone mentioned Fuuta only lowered his mask in BIO while he’s looking at his phone, showing that he was comfortable being his true self online. Meaning, he had to hide some part of him in the rest of his life. The original post said it was his sexuality, but I feel as though it’s just his general paranoia of living around warriors for justice who are constantly evaluating everyone’s behavior. 

Muu: Like I said, the mvs are unaffected by how the prisoners want Es to see them, soI was confused when people accused Muu of lying in T1 – that’s really how she took the situation! In her mind, that pain and mistreatment made up everything in her. Her being a bully didn’t matter then, because it was her being a victim that led to the murder. In T2, it becomes obvious that she does harbor guilt. No innocent person would imagine themselves as a monstrous, destructive creature like that. If she really saw herself as ‘queen bee,’ her self-image would be flawless and lovable. INMF also showed she wasn’t exaggerating when she said the murder was to free her: we see her self-image undergo a full metamorphosis and sprout beautiful wings to fly away after she committed her crime. Though she feels guilty, she still believes it was necessary to free her and is grateful for it. 

Shidou: I’m still working on something more solid for him, but it’s neat that T1 he’s expressing so much guilt, yet his self-image is engaged in very abstract activities (like gardening and eating). In T2 he’s chilled out a bit, but that’s the video that death is literally following everywhere he goes (flowers dying behind him, ghosts surrounding him). It’s also worth noting he has his doctor’s coat on for most of Throw Down, and then the only time he has it in Triage is at the very end when he’s vowing to help the other prisoners. I’ll get back with a more solid conclusion on his soon…

Mahiru: Like Yuno (and semi-Haruka), the fact that she’s the only one to appear in her T1 mv means all her turmoil at that point was focused inward. She saw herself as the center of her story, which isn’t necessarily a selfish thing. It means she didn’t blame her boyfriend for anything that happened, even though we know it was likely both of their behaviors that led to the crime. Still, she’s taking all the focus on herself, showing off all the things she did and failed to do for him. The fact that everything is styled like magazine pages hints that she genuinely sees their relationship as the picture perfect example of love. After all, she was just “being herself” when she got him killed. Even that deep in her heart, she’s convinced love makes everything glossy and perfect. T2 is an exaggeration on both if these concepts -- she still places all the blame/responsibility on herself, but with the doubt creeping into her mind, she now paints herself as a villain who's actively causing harm. She still believes love can make things seem perfect, but you get the sense she's become more aware that love wasn't transforming her, it was blinding her.

Kazui: So this is an interesting one. I know that the performance aspect in Half is obviously taken as him acting that he loves his wife when he’s fallen in love with someone else. However, the fact that he’s singing the song about how he doesn’t love her, while still on stage/in costume, gives me a different idea. His emotions are so incredibly repressed and fucked up that even in the privacy of his own heart, he feels like he has to act sad about her death when he actually has more complex emotions than that. Not that he’s happy about it per se, but the feelings are too complex for him to show even himself. (We’ve all been there, where even in our private thoughts it’s embarrassing to be excited about something terrible and we pretend we aren’t.) That’s why I think he sounds so different in Cat – he’s able to start processing that he may be relieved, or freed that she’s gone. Or maybe he’s just realizing the murder was indirect, and he’s allowed to mourn her without feeling personally guilty for her death. So I agree the costumes represent hiding his emotions, but I think it symbolizes him lying to himself rather than just lying to his wife. Now with Cat out, he also shows a shift of seeing himself more guilty. Rather than a passive character, his self appears as someone known for manipulation/deception/trickery -- someone in charge of the situation. He's coming to terms with his active role in Hinako's death. There's also a lot of his vices shown explicitly, like his smoking and drinking. He's painting himself in a much worse light as his guilt gets to him. (There's also something to be said about the whole thing appearing under a filter of advertisement/magazine style, but I have yet to form a conclusion I'm happy with on that)

Amane: The major thing I took away from Magic was the idea that Amane really felt isolated in her cult. She saw herself as a normal girl, but no one else is like her. The other children are all animals, and the adults in charge are animalistic or robotic. There’s such a divide between her and everyone else. She’s not living up to their religious standards the way that everyone else seems to be. With the adults, it could be the general feeling that they never listen to or understand her because of her age. In T2, she presents a new idea: she's struggling with how complex and contradictory the self is. The human psyche has so many parts and motivations, all represented by the marching band members. She wants to be good. She's flawed. She wants to help. She's hurting. She knows she's made mistakes. She thinks she deserves punishment. That punishment is killing her. The adults around her make behaving look/sound so easy, but at her age it's so difficult to be a good girl! She wants to show this to Es, since she believes her own misbehavior + following the rules is what led to her murder.

Mikoto: He’s got So much going on with identity and sense of self, but I don’t have a ton on him that hasn’t already been said lol. I’ve joked that the reason Meme got the most views is because it’s the mv that shows the most skin, but on a serious note I think it’s really telling that there are so many bathing/showering/teeth brushing shots. Those are the stereotypical times we’re completely alone with ourselves – cleaning off everything external so that it’s just us in our purest form left when we’re done. An interesting switch I've noticed in Double is that the two major alters never appear beside each other -- there's the reflection in the mirror at one point (and I think they're face to face in the last shot?) but we never see both onscreen at the same time. This is because each one wants to distance themselves from the other: Bokukoto wants to show he's far from a killer, and Orekoto wants to make it clear he's the one who was violent. Neither wants to be mistaken for the other, but it's much easier to do so since they look exactly the same in this video (no color-coded clothes or eyes or lighting.) A minor detail, but the fact that his own mind conjured up quotes around the word "savior" makes it clear that Orekoto is slowly realizing his actions may have gotten Bokukoto into more trouble than they saved him from...

Kotoko: I don’t have too much on her at the moment since a lot of her scenes seem to be memories of her actual life and are already in line with what she’s admitted about herself. Still, I think the running-alongside-wolves scenes reveal a lot. She very clearly works alone, but wolves are known for hunting in a pack. Does she have a pack we haven’t seen yet? Is there a reason she’s no longer with them? Does she just dream of running with one because she craves that belonging so deeply? @tokyogruel pointed out that wolves are known for caring for weaker pack members, and that there have been analyses of the Harrow wolves being Kotoko's family members. This is revealing a more prominent focus on family than she's made known so far. She doesn't see herself as an elevated hero -- she always views herself as part of a team, which can be seen in her 'deal' with Es and all her T2 commentary of their partnership (despite being their prisoner). She's always been working with and for others.

[fiction-justanotherstateofmind]

Would you mind explaining why some people don't like Allison? And no I don't think she would be good mother, considering she's been dead for a decade and never graduated so yeah definitely don't mind ignoring Jeff and his bad writing for scallison.

Idk if you were responding to a particular post, so I'm gonna answer as if it were a random question.

Actually I don't like Allison myself. I liked her back in the first season: she was sweet, innocent and a good match for Scott. The problem for me is how insane she became after her mother died.

She had never been taught to hunt, had never hurt or killed anything or anyone in her entire life. And yet, as soon as she discovered her mother's suicide, she transformed into a Kate Argent 2.0.

And the problem to me is not even the anger towards Derek, it's the repeated attempted murder of people who had nothing to do with it.

Erica and Boyd were innocent. Apart from the fact that Derek was innocent too, even with all the brainwashing done to her by her aunt and grandpa, if you are not the kind of person who enjoys hunting and killing, you never will be. No matter what they tell you.

I'm not joking, I was (and still am) shocked by the scene of Allison on the bike chasing Erica and Boyd and shooting arrows at them. I watched the scene again just right now and she shot seven arrows at Boyd. SEVEN arrows in the body of a 16/17 year old boy just for the fun of it, because it wasn't even about revenge since according to her Victoria had died because of Derek.

Also, Erica yelling "Please, Allison, stop" and Allison not batting an eye... Chris Argent had to stop her. The same Chris Argent who hunted and killed werewolves all his life, who hadn't had his character development yet, the same Chris Argent who helped his wife commit suicide realized that if he didn't stop Allison, with that one last shot she would kill Boyd.

When she was hallucinating a the party, her other self teased her that she's always yelling for help. You see? It's not revenge, it's always been power.

And what's worse is that she never apologized. Even after learning that Derek had bitten Victoria to protect Scott, she continued to play the victim. She has erected herself on a pedestal assuming the right to judge the actions of others, Derek in the first place.

Somehow in her mind loosing a parent entitles her to get away with multiple attempted murders. She despised Derek from start to finish and she never stopped to think about the pain her family had brought him, and this time on purpose.

And we want to talk about Isaac? She stabbed Isaac several times, and then they got together despite her not really being interested, and it shows in her last words before dying: not a thought, a gesture or a glance at poor Isaac.

And I'm deliberately ignoring her complete forgetting -in the movie- that she was once Isaac's girlfriend and not Scott's.

However, some might say that for some reason she convinced herself that Erica and Boyd were equally guilty of their mother's death and that therefore, in her view, it was right to kill them. Fine, then how do you explain the fact that in the movie, as soon as she wakes up, she doesn't just try to kill Derek but chases, hunts and even tries to kill a 15-year-old boy who is practically not even a real werewolf?

I like Kate for how her character was built, I even like Victoria. I don't like them as people but I like them as villains. The problem is that Allison acted just like Kate but neither the other characters nor part of the fandom see her as a villain.

They did the hunting in the forest (thrice btw: 1) season 2 with Derek and Scott; 2) season 2 with Erica and Boyd; 3) movie with Eli and Scott) for telling us what? That she's a badass, that she's powerful? What is it? A twisted way of saying girl power?

If we don't want to call her a villain, at least we need to realize that she's the female version of Peter Hale (only Peter at least had valid reasons. Questionable actions, but valid reasons). She helps when and how she wants, and especially just to help some specific people: she does it for Scott and Lydia, if it weren't for them, she would never have helped Derek.

She is not good. And we have to come to terms with this. She did wrong things and not only never apologized for it but she never even realized she did something wrong in the first place.

Btw I laugh at the idea that she, 17, (girlfriend of a 30+ man) should be a mother to the boy she tried to kill and almost succeeded in killing his father, not forgetting whose family was killed by her own family members... because if I stop to think about it, it would only make me cry.

So... yeah. This is it. This is why some people, myself included, don't like Allison.

The real question, at least to me, is why some people do like her? She is a Kate Argent evolved into a Peter Hale but praised as a Scott McCall.

Let me know your opinion about it.

[ilions-end]

alright, some finishing (?) thoughts on euripides' helen!

i hate how cheap a write-around "oh helen NEVER went with paris, that was a copy made of clouds actually" is, so it's REALLY FRUSTRATING how much i enjoyed this play! helen is so smart and gets so much agency! she figures it all out, she tricks the pharaoh, she saves menelaus and herself... why did it have to be fun!!

i'm really not familiar with the tragicomedy genre. half the scenes i was anxiously wondering wether something silly or horrible was about to happen. just like real life i guess

there's a really clean character arch starting from menelaus being SO horrified at being seen with torn clothes or having to beg, and then helen's plan being all about humbling themselves to escape to greece: menelaus pretending to be a lowly sailor, helen hacking off her hair and disfiguring her face (the way odysseus disfigured himself when they met...?).

i still had to laugh at helen's first reaction of "oh my gods, don't tell me you BEGGED for food?? like a low-born person?" and menelaus being all "...i begged 🥺". SO ashamed.

excellent ambiguity when helen asks teucer about what happened to her brothers, and he tells her he's heard two different rumours -- that zeus made them into minor gods, or that they committed suicide out of shame for their sister. he doesn't know which is true, which makes so much sense! and also makes for my FAVOURITE deus ex machina in a greek play so far

why did hera wait seven more years to dissolve cloud-helen anyway? VERY decent of her to have the cloud explain the whole scheme as it dissolved, though

i kept thinking about poor hermione. it's been seventeen years at that point since she's seen either of her parents.

helen and menelaus' reunion was so delightfully awkward. menelaus anxiously going "Hands off, I'm in enough trouble already!" like LADY, NO SEX RIGHT NOW PLEASE

what happened to teucer! where is my boy

so helen definitely never had sex with paris in this version. possibly she never even met him at all. but i make the case she HAS imagined what it'd be like, some lonely nights, based on her description:

oh no not the strong-limbed young sexy barbarian..............