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sisterspooky1013 · 3 years

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Only One Choice, Chapter 13

Read it here on AO3 / Tagging @today-in-fic

“Explain again why you’re doing this to yourself, Mulder?” Byers asks with a pained look of concern.

He’s sifting through his closet, deciding what would be appropriately friendly for his outing with Scully. What kind of outfit says “I have no intention of trying to seduce you,” but also doesn’t leave him looking unworthy of seduction?

“I wish I knew, Byers,” he says as he pulls out his Greys jersey. Sports attire is very casual, but Val had once told him that he was devastatingly sexy in this jersey, so he tugs it off the hanger and puts it on over his white T-shirt. “I guess the idea of never seeing her again is even worse than being around her and knowing we’ll never be more than friends.”

Byers shakes his head slowly. “You’re a glutton for punishment, Mulder. Are you sure you aren’t secretly holding out hope that you can steal her away?”

Mulder buttons up the jersey and considers the question, his mouth quirked to the side. “I mean, I’m not actively trying to do anything, she’s way too smart for that and she’d see right through it. But the hope is there, sure.”

Byers nods sadly. “Well, good luck. Here are the keys, by the way.” He pulls a small key ring from his pocket and hands it to Mulder, who deposits it into his jeans pocket.

“Thanks, Byers, I appreciate the favor. I owe you one,” he says, clapping the man on the back.

After Byers is gone he brushes his teeth, considers and then decides against pounding a beer to calm his nerves, then says goodbye to Priscilla and heads to the Hoover building.

Scully is early, leaning against the passenger side door of her car when he pulls into the lot. He lets out a pained moan when he sees her, clad in flared jeans and a peasant-style flowered top that is cinched under her breasts. While he knows that realistically no human is perfect, Scully is about as close as it gets. He tries not to imagine what she’s got on under there, lest he embarrass himself.

He pulls up beside her and she opens the door, smiling at him shyly as she lowers herself into the passenger seat.

“Hi,” she says, and just the greeting makes his heart ache.

“Hey,” he returns with what he hopes is a casual, friendly smile. Do not leer at her. Do not gaze. He’s been giving himself frequent reminders.

“So, what do you have planned?” she asks as she pulls the seatbelt across her lap.

Mulder smirks in reply, backing out of the lot. “All in good time,” he says, and she gives him an appraising look.

“I’m not even sure why I’m instilling so much trust in you here, Mulder. Don’t push it,” she says with a playful tone, though it’s clear there’s some truth to the statement.

“Okay, okay, I’ll give you the preliminary details,” He acquiesces. “First we’re going to The Queen Vic, which has the best fish and chips in DC, in my humble opinion. Have you been there?”

She shakes her head.

“Perfect. Then we’ll head down to the wharf and get some ice cream.” He suddenly wonders if he’s made incorrect assumptions about what she likes, and casts her a concerned glance at a stoplight. “Do you like ice cream?”

She looks at him like he has three heads. “Who doesn’t like ice cream?”

He feels a little wave of relief. “I’m sure there’s someone out there who doesn’t like ice cream,” he replies, “but frankly, whoever they are, I have no interest in knowing them.”

She chuckles and there it is again, that ache in his chest. He wonders if it will fade over time.

The Queen Vic isn’t very busy just yet, given that they’re having an early dinner. They are seated at a small, dimly lit booth and each order a beer, fish and chips. Scully opts for an IPA and he feels a retroactive flush of embarrassment at the beer he served her, now knowing what her tastes are. She’s looking around, taking in the ambiance and British paraphernalia papering the walls, and he is looking at her. The cut of her top reveals the soft swell of her breasts, pale and inviting. Even her neck is beautiful, smooth and long and god, he wants to kiss it. Has he ever been taken with someone’s jawline before? Well he has now. Devastatingly beautiful, she is. Ache. Ache. Ache.

She’s looking at him now, and he smiles guiltily, having been caught. Fuck. He promised himself he wouldn’t do that. She bites her lip and fiddles with the salt shaker as though she’s not entirely sure what function it serves. What would a friend do? What would a friend ask? He needs to act like a friend, if he wants to be one.

“So, how’s wedding planning going?” he asks, the words feeling sour in his mouth.

She gives him a quizzical expression. “It’s okay. Fine, I guess.”

He nods. “And how’s Ethan?”

Her eyebrows furrow. “Um...fine. He’s fine. Mulder...why are you asking me about that? About the wedding, and Ethan?”

He dips his chin a bit, giving the pepper shaker a similar assessment. “I guess I just figured if we’re friends, a friend would ask about things like that?” He chances a glance at her and her expression is sympathetic, perhaps even pitying.

“You don’t need to do that, Mulder. We don’t have to talk about my relationship to be friends.” She’s running her finger over the condensation on the side of her glass, and he finds it disturbingly arousing.

“Fair enough, how’s work? Is that a better topic?” He is rewarded with a smile. My god that smile. She could melt permafrost with that smile.

“Work is great, no complaints,” she says coolly, an apparently genuine answer.

They drink, and eat, and talk. They talk about why she loves teaching, and how she got into pathology. He shares a bit about his methods for starting and then adjusting a criminal profile. They talk about med school, and his time at Oxford. He tells her about Phoebe and she admits a proclivity towards dating older men, with the exception of Ethan. It is so easy between them, and so right. He wants to scoop her up and steal her away in his car. Take her to a faraway place where there is no Ethan, where they can see this thing through. He notices how she often tries to hide her smiles, and the major role her eyebrows play in her facial expressions. She has a little mole above her lip that she’s attempted to cover with makeup, and her fingernails are perfectly manicured, like she has them professionally done. He wonders if she has tattoos, or piercings. If her bellybutton is an innie or an outie. If she prefers breakfast or dinner. If she likes morning sex. If she trims her pubic hair or takes it all off. He wants to know her, every bit. But he can’t. He never will. It hurts to think about it.

He drives them down to the wharf and they get ice cream cones from a stand near the water; she picks cookies and cream and he opts for rocky road. The evening is warm but not uncomfortable, the sun holding steady as it makes its descent towards the horizon. These are the dog days of summer, the daylight stretching well into the evening. No cover of darkness for a lover’s confession, not that he has any business making one. Friends meeting in daylight, above board. Never anything more.

They walk along the boardwalk, continuing their conversation between sweet licks, and he avoids watching her, but not entirely successfully. He must have been putting too much effort towards not staring and too little towards rotating his cone, because suddenly his ice cream flops over the side of its perch and lands on the ground with an audible smack.

He stops walking and stares at the now empty cone in his hand for a beat, and then he hears her giggling. When he looks over to her, she has her hand firmly planted over her mouth while she struggles to contain her laughter, the titters shaking her shoulders gently. The resulting swell of affection is overwhelming.

“You think that’s funny, huh?” he says dryly, and she works even harder to stop laughing, her face contorting into a grimace as tears pool in her eyes, shaking her head as though she could possibly deny her amusement.

He chucks his cone into a nearby trash can, then approaches her.

“Looks like you’ll have to share yours with me,” he says, moving his hand as though to take her ice cream, and she pulls it away with an open-mouthed expression of shock.

“Get out of here, it’s not my fault you licked yours right off the cone,” she says, wiping at her eyes with her free hand.

“Come on, Scully, friends share, don’t they?” he teases, maneuvering around to where she’s moved her arm, swiping at it playfully.

“Mulder, knock it off,” she replies, still smiling, and they are now moving in circles, him towards her ice cream while she artfully moves it out of his grasp.

Suddenly he swoops behind her, his long arms circling her waist and pulling her flush against him, pinning her stationary while he wraps his hand around her wrist and brings her ice cream cone to his own mouth. She shrieks in protest as he steals a big bite, and once he’s accomplished his goal, he becomes aware of their proximity. The feel of her pressed against him, the taper of her waist under his forearm, the smell of her shampoo in his nose. He grips her tighter, ever so briefly, but then releases her suddenly. He has no right. He crossed a line. She steps forward slowly, turning to look at him with pink cheeks.

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly, his arms dropping to his sides, woefully empty. Missing her already.

She shakes her head gently. “It’s okay,” she says, and they continue walking.

As they approach his car, the sun is just beginning to kiss the horizon. It’s nearly 8:30.

“This was really fun, Mulder, thank you,” she says with a shy smile, and he grins at the affirmation.

“There is one more thing I had planned, Scully, unless you have to get home right away,” he says cautiously, and she regards him with surprise, but not unpleasantly so.

“I don’t know, let me call my mother and see if I can stay out past curfew,” she jokes, but then adds “I suppose I’m curious to see what else you’ve got up your sleeve.”

“Great, let’s go,” he replies as he opens the car door for her.

———

She watches streetlights racing past as Mulder drives them to their final destination and feels a swell of guilt for how wonderful this night has been, then tries to talk herself out of it. She’s done nothing wrong, nothing inappropriate. She’s allowed to have dinner and ice cream with a man who is not her fiancé; he doesn’t own her. Given, the moment with the ice cream cone was a bit more flirtatious than might be ideal, but they were caught up in the moment. She tries not to remember the feel of his compact body pushed against her back, the strength of his arm around her waist. Tries not to imagine how it would feel to have him hold her like that without their clothes on. She closes her eyes and swallows.

They pull up in front of a darkened sports complex and she turns to look at him, questions communicated through her eyes.

“You don’t have something more worthwhile to do right now than slap a horsehide with a stick do ya, Scully?” he says with a smirk.

Her eyebrows lift. “Perhaps not, Mulder, but it looks like they’re closed.”

“A mere technicality,” he replies as he parks right in front of the main entrance, not even in a parking spot.

They approach the doors and he produces a set of keys from his pocket, holding the door open for her before he locks it behind them. There are security lights faintly illuminating the shuttered games and concessions, and she startles a little when she feels him slip his hand into hers, pulling her towards a hallway. His hand is broad and slightly callused, and she unconsciously threads her fingers through his. He glances at her, a slight cast of surprise in his features, but doesn’t say anything.

When they reach a large room, he flips on the lights and she sees rows of batting cages, five or six lined up on either side of a walkway down the middle.

“Are we supposed to be in here?” she asks him suspiciously, and he shrugs.

“The cops aren’t going to roll up or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he says as he gathers a bucket of balls and two bats. “Even if they did, a couple FBI badges should send them off right quick.” He winks at her and she feels a flutter in her belly.

He motions for her to follow him to one of the cages, and she waits nervously while he loads the pitching machine and turns it on. When he turns around, he sees her trepidation and smiles warmly at her.

“Don’t worry, I’ll teach you everything you need to know,” he says reassuringly, and she forces her mouth into a tight smile.

He directs her to stand just outside the cage and demonstrates for her how the pitching machine works, talking her through his stance and movements for seven or eight pitches. He hits every single one, sending the ball crashing into the back wall with a padded smack, and she has the unsettling feeling that she’s about to embarrass herself.

“Alright, batter up!” he says, handing her the bat and sending her in.

She gives him a doubtful look.

“It’s easy, you’ll get the hang of it,” he encourages her, then shows her where to stand before he steps out and starts the pitching machine.

When the first pitch sails by, she winces and lets out a little squeak, but doesn’t swing. She can hear Mulder chuckle a little, but waits for the next one. When it comes, she swings way too early, and it flies past her head and bounces off the back wall. Three or four complete misses later, she looks at him woefully.

“I’m terrible at this, Mulder,” she whines.

He shakes his head and smiles at her.

“You just need some minor adjustments,” he offers, then comes inside the cage. He steps up close behind her and she startles a little at the contact.

“Sorry, is this okay? It’s the best way to show you,” he offers, and she nods, the back of her head brushing against his shoulder with the movement. He’s just showing her how to hit a stupid baseball. It’s the least romantic thing on earth, as far as she’s concerned.

He steps close again, wrapping his arms around hers as the length of his torso presses firmly against hers from her shoulder blades right down to her ass. She can feel his breath hot on her ear as he speaks.

“Now don’t strangle the bat, Scully, just shake hands with it,” he says as their palms brush over one another, vying for real estate. “We want to go hips before hands,” he continues, “stride forward, and then turn.” He motions with a hand in front of her towards the pitching machine, and she nods in confirmation. “It’s hips,” he places an open palm against her hip bone and physically turns her torso. She feels a rush between her thighs. “Before hands,” he replaces his hand on the bat and guides them through a mock swing.

“Okay,” she says, taking a steadying breath.

“Again, that’s hips,” there his palm is again, hot and firm and pressing into her flesh as he tilts her pelvis forcibly, “before hands. What is it?”

“Um, hips before hands,” she says breathily, resisting an overwhelming urge to press her ass back harder into his lap, to slip that hand beneath the waistband of her jeans so she can feel it on her bare skin. She has a vision of her riding him on the floor as the pitching machine flings balls aimlessly against the back wall, no one caring enough to hit them. She shivers.

“We’re gonna wait on the pitch, keep our eye on the ball, and then we’re just gonna make contact. We’re not gonna think, we’re just gonna let it fly, Scully, okay?”

“Okay,” she says shakily, her heart thrumming in her chest.

They take several swings, the bat making contact with the ball with a sharp crack. Mulder is murmuring in her ear about letting your mind go blank and forgetting about all your worries, but she’s too distracted by the heat of his body and the smell of his aftershave to hear him. If not for the risk of getting pelted by a ball, she just might turn in his arms, push him up against the wire-fence walls of this batting cage, and show him how she prefers to handle bats and balls.

The grip of his hands over hers on the bat pinches the skin around her engagement ring and she jerks. Mulder steps away from her a bit.

“You okay?” he asks, and she nods.

“Um, maybe I should try by myself now. Thanks for showing me,” she says without looking at him, and he steps back into the walkway to watch her. She hits the next three balls, then turns to smile at him victoriously. The pain and longing in his expression makes her heart sink.

After shutting the place down, they drive back to the Hoover building in relative silence, tension hanging thick between them like a curtain. He puts the car in park and gets out, walking her to the door of her own car, which strikes her as unnecessary. She stands by the open door, sensing that there’s something he wants to say.

“Scully….” he stops and shakes his head gently, talking himself out of it.

“What?” she asks, desperately wanting to know what he was going to say.

He clenches his jaw, fighting an inner battle.

“Scully, I know I shouldn’t say this to you. I know that you’re...with someone. I just-” he purses his lips, then closes his eyes briefly. When he opens them, his eyes are so full of emotion it makes her breath catch in her chest. “I think about you all the time. Every second of every day.”

“Oh,” she responds lamely. There’s that urge again, the one she has to resist. “You seem like the kind of guy that believes in reincarnation, Mulder,” she says softly.

He gives her a quizzical look. “I don’t NOT believe in it,” he offers.

She smiles sadly at him, reaching out to grasp his hand and give it a brief squeeze. “Maybe in another life,” she says, then climbs into her car and shuts the door.

As she drives home, tears run down her cheeks freely. If she had to identify a reason for them, grief would be the closest one.

#the x files #txf #dana scully #fox mulder #gillovny #msr #sculder #x files #x files fanfic #alternate universe

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agent-cupcake · 3 years

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just curious, what’s your favorite and least favorite character design? my least fav for sure has got to be female byleth for reasons i don’t want to get in to yep ok have a good day 😁

IOops this accidentally became a rant, sorry

Okay so, to preface this all, I’m not a character designer and I’m actually pretty bad at it, but my rule of thumb with really unappealing or fan-service outfits is whether or not it makes sense character-wise and how much it tells the player about the character. For example, I think we can all agree that there’s quite a bit of fan-service elements in Hilda’s design. Boob window. However, it’s not unrealistic to imagine Hilda picking out those clothes for herself. Her costume tells you almost everything you need to know about her character on a visual level. She’s confident, pretty, attention-grabbing, and high maintenance while the gloves and laced girdle give a nod to her Viking-maiden roots.

Taking it to female Byleth, I don’t think that her outfit works on either front. Her design is definitely my least favorite and it’s not helped by the fact that you have to look at her at all times. Whatever. The huge, solid mass of boobs, the buttoned bib, the big eyes, the feather hair, the bellybutton, the ripped tights, the booty shorts. She’s a merc out in life and death situations with an accessible, pale, tacky 2000′s “stab me” stomach cut out and a wedgie. Which could be excusable if, like Hilda, there was reason to believe that that her costume was character choice. But she doesn’t really have much character, and what there is gives the impression of a very stoic, dry, blunt person. I have no idea why they’d have gone that route when the sexual appeal of more “utilitarian” costuming (aka, form fitting armor that at least pretends to be functional) for characters like her is scientifically proven AND would say more about the singular personality trait she possesses. Okay, well, I know why they didn’t do that and I think it’s lame. This dysfunction of “character designer wanted a sexy girl but it’s kinda random and just shoved in the game without any thought” actually reminds me a lot of Xenoblade 2′s leading ladies, Hikari and Pyra. Although considering that their bad designs led to a lot of people hating the game for superficial reasons while accepting female Byleth’s design, I guess I’m just bitter. Jumping to a different comparison, then, look at 2B from Nier Automata. Her design is fine as hell which is kinda hypocritical of me considering that it's explicitly fan-service, but I think it also shows the most damning thing for female Byleth. Her whole look, despite having a dozen different element thrown in, is boring. Maybe it’s the colors (dressing her in all black and white would have been really interesting considering the colors of the three lords are so heavily emphasized as a part of their characters) or maybe it’s just the way the desperate elements come together. But, like I said, I'm not even slightly knowledgeable about character design and I know that despite Three Houses being mostly separate, they had to appeal to a larger aesthetic brand to which I have little experience with. And, ultimately, a lot of people find her cute or sexy which...To each their own, I suppose. I don’t pretend that fan-service doesn’t work on me (2B... Cloud’s arms in the remake... Seph's shirtless Smash skin...) but when it’s this obviously inserted in by the character designers rather than feeling organic in any way AND looks bad I'm just not super interested.

The other worst designs for me would be all four of the Ashen Wolves post timeskip. I don't think it's controversial to say that they didn't try with the clothes, even if I love their designs from the neck up (Yes, even Balthus. He looks like the type of guy that would let you sit on his shoulders at a rock concert so you could see the stage). While there are other designs I think are unappealing, those are for purely aesthetic reasons and so I can't maintain the opinion that they're actively bad or that I even truly dislike them.

As for favorite looks... I actually have a few so sorry you're getting all of them because despite the shit I'm talking, I actually really really love the character designs in Three Houses.

Ferdinand's post timeskip is one of my favorite designs, if not my favorite. The hair, the coat, the armor, the spurs, the colors. You know exactly who Ferdinand von Aegir is just by looking at him. He’s wealthy, handsome, confident in his appearance, a hero, a princely type character, his battle form is mounted combat which is traditionally aesthetically reserved for nobility and leaders... I love it. The only reason I cannot say he IS my favorite is because of the three Lords. But before them, my honorable mentions include post timeskip Hilda, Dorothea, Lorenz, Felix, and Hubert. Granted, I could make a case for why I like almost all of the student’s post timeskip looks.

For the Lords, I obviously have to start with colors because, weirdly enough, Persona didn’t invent primary colors but are actually used as shorthand. Blue is the color of honor, loyalty, sincerity, sadness, and depression. Something I’ve always found very interesting is that blue is very rarely found in nature. To me, that’s always made it seem more lonely which, at least in this case, is thematically relevant. People call Dimitri boring pre timeskip and while I won’t defend his hairstyle (okay, actually, I probably would because he tucks it behind his ears and idk why but that’s one of the cutest things ever) I really like how unassuming he is. Bland. He’s supposed to be the plain shortbread cookie to caramel deLite Claude and strawberry meringue Edelgard. It is not in his character to draw attention to himself or stand out. To me, he kinda looks like an old Barbie prince, like he should have been named Dominic. Also I love the blue eyes/blonde hair thing and his more angular features. It really helps to sell him as the fakeout chivalrous prince type. Post timeskip, Dimitri's black armor is amazing. I love the fact that it’s a lot more intricate up-close with the different little shell-like pieces and the fact that his boots are furry. I love the big cape and the black and white fur around his shoulders. It’s really cool how they used his costume to change the shape of his in-game model to match the bodily proportions of the character art. It’s easier to see when you change his costume into the DLC ones, but the fur and cape build up his shoulders and chest look more broad while keeping that tiny little waist. The choice to give Dimitri an eyepatch is probably my favorite thing about this design. It’s genuinely inspired. Such a simple detail yet it tells the player everything they need to know about adult Dimitri when they see him post timeskip, in one frame the player can begin to understand the extent of his loss over the past five years. The subtle shadow under his eye in the first few Azure Moon chapters and the messy long-ish hair really help to sell the feral prince aesthetic as well, as it’s from those small cues the player gets that he’s exhausted (in more ways than one) and doesn’t maintain himself. None of these things are intentional choices by Dimtiri, they’re the result of what his character has been through.

Yellow is an intense, energetic color. Mostly, people think of it as being warm and inviting, the color of the sun and positivity. That intensity can be overwhelming, though, too visually demanding when compared to its primary counterparts. Don’t stare at the sun too long. Buuuut, it’s okay to stare at Claude. Claude not wanting to wear tight pants in either of his costumes is not only a mood, it is iconic. Pre timeskip, the softer lines of his silhouette makes him look kinda slouchy, kinda lazy. Like he’s not too concerned with appearances. But those adorably messy curls, the little braid, the clearly tended eyebrows, and earring make it clear that he DOES care about appearances and is very aware of his allure. And that’s before he even starts winking. It is honestly so in character that as many people picked him first on the basis of being thirsty, that feels like an intentionally Claude thing even if it was inserted by the designers. The contrast of his complexion with his seagreen eyes is gorgeous and instantly adds a kind of mystery and intrigue to him considering the setting... but it’s sf funny that nobody looked at bronze god Claude among a sea of white faces and thought something was up. Post timeskip, they used the same trick like they did with Dimitri to change Claude’s in-game model to match his canon appearance. The way they designed his uniform makes him not look as twink-ish, like he’s actually muscular and imposing and has the strength he’d need to shoot a war bow with a 120lbs draw weight. Also like Dimitri, you can instantly tell what Claude’s been up to. Like, he was very pretty pre timeskip but when he shows up in the Goddess Tower after those five years in all that gold, he demands your attention. Like a gentleman general with the excessive aesthetic ideals of the Alliance and details to imply his heritage. The quilted pants are amazing from both an aesthetic and practical standpoint. He’s a mounted unit riding a creature with scales, of course he’d want something on his legs for protection. And the chinstrap. I love that so much, it definitely makes him look more adult. He’s got such a cute soft baby face, it’s fun imagining him experimenting with different styles during the five years to get the most desired physical reaction to him as a leader.

Frenchfries, meet forehead. No, actually, Edelgard’s design is really fantastic. Claude and Dimitri both have realistically colored eyes and hair and then there’s Edelgard. Dimitri shrugs off attention physically and Claude shirks it with a wink but Edelgard commands the players attention from the very start. Although I’m sure there’s a lot of things to associate with white hair and purple eyes, my first thought was Daenerys from Game of Thrones. Otherworldly beautiful by with an edge. Red, of course, is The power color. Strong emotions, love and hate. Red is also associated strongly with blood, which is very important to Edelgard’s plot. Granted, I think the red and black association is even more powerful than JUST red and red is the cheapest play to make in regards to displaying villainy (I mean, there are some pretty universally recognized associations with red and black and it led to people making some unfair comparisons between Edelgard and a famous dictator) but I think it was effective and well used and I genuinely enjoy its use in her case. Anyway, if I had a major complaint about her design it would be the weird ashy color of her hair whereas Lysithea’s hair is pure white. Which doesn’t even matter with the AMAZING hair horns. Ram horns can actually symbolize quite a few things, but their association with power and strength is pretty universal I think. They’re also used in demonic imagery. I love that THIS was her alternative to a crown. Edelgard views herself as a force of war and power before she thinks of herself as royalty. She also mentions that she isn’t super vain, but she loves to do her hair, so the hair being the most elaborate part of her look is entirely in-character. Edelgard’s ensemble is, like Claude, very militaristic. I love that they kept her in a dress that embraces femininity without showing skin as that wouldn’t really suit her Also, again, Edelgard demands your attention. She’s dressed all in bright bright red waving around a giant axe. She is a symbol as much as she is a combatant, someone to follow. I didn’t really mention their secondary lord costumes, but a girl in sexy armor is literally everything and I love that they had the balls to put their main sexy waifu girl in full body armor.

Okay I’m sorry I realize this was excessive and probably didn’t need explaining and I’m not sure I even articulated my thoughts properly but anyway I love their designs so here is the positivity I’ll put into the world.

#fe3h #ferdinand von aegir #claude von riegan #edelgard von hresvelg #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #haha i htae byleths design this was all just to justify my abject disgust for the way she looks #nobody sent me anything about dimitri's dick so this is what i've been reduced to

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divinaes-bookofsecrets · 3 years

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Hello. I would love a spirit guide reading. I’m a Scorpio.Thank you! ❤️🦂

Hello ♏ 🦂 ♏ 🦂 ♏ SCORPIO

You have many Spirit Guides and a lot of them are Angels but today I'm going to tell you about is an indigenous indigo child of light who comes ✨ to share a creation medicine teaching from her tribe ♥ ✨ 💛

💖 Your Spirit Guide is a Mohawk lady named Ehkadorah ✨ ♥ & She has two other sisters; EDEÀ and ÀKASHA (but you'll notice that her sisters are not as dark as her, that's because the European blood is in their heart due to the migration of this clan village)

&She wants to share this story with you here. About her people....

The Haudenosaunee people are a confederacy of six nations native to the Northeast in the US, as well as Ontario and Quebec in Canada. This confederacy consists of the Mohawk, Oneida, Onondaga, Cayuga, Seneca, and Tuscarora. Haudenosaunee means “people of the longhouse.”

Corn, beans, and squash are considered by the Haudenosaunee people to be special gifts from the daughter of Original Woman (Skywoman). As the story goes, when the daughter was dying in childbirth, she said that from her body would come the foods that would sustain the people. From her hands came the beans, from her breasts grew the corn, from her bellybutton grew the squash vines. From her legs grew the sunflowers, and from her head grew the sacred tobacco. From her heart sprouted the strawberry, and from her feet the original potato, known as a sunchoke. This is the cosmological story that comes to life every time Haudenosaunee people plant a Three Sisters Garden.

We are told that our creation story never ended. The well-being of each crop is believed to be protected by that of the others, and their relationship reminds us of our cultural teaching of interdependence. This collective of original foods is called Tionhnhéhkwen, or our life’s sustainers. They nourish us, so we must remember to nourish them in turn as a reflection of our gratitude. The creation story that began so long ago continues to unfurl and come alive in every moment, as our life sustainers emerge from Mother Earth and remind us of our Original Instructions. Dancing in the direction that the sun goes, First Woman put into place the cycles of continuous creation, continuous birth. As human beings we have been given the Original Instructions to follow, which maintain the cycles of continuous creation, of this continuous birth put forth by Skywoman.

In English, this interplanting is often called “The Three Sisters,” which refers to how we understand these indigenous crops to be our living relatives, who we descended from in our cosmo-geneology. This indigenous planting system refers to the planting of corn, pole beans, and squash or pumpkins together in hills.

Ehkadorah: All of the seeds shown here represent a small portion of my ancestral seed bundle. These seeds came to me at a time when I was seeking deeper connection to who I was as a young Mohawk woman. These seeds became my teachers and guides, helping me to rehydrate the ancestral memories that would encourage me to forge a more meaningful connection and relationship to the land and to my people. Through endless seasons and life cycles, they have persevered, passed down with the fragrance and memory of so many mothers’ prayers throughout the ages. Today they feed my children, along with the soil that feeds and nourishes so many here on our seed farm. May my breath, carrying seedsongs, be one of many prayers that reside at the very heart of these seeds, so that in generations to come they will protect and nourish those who courageously carry on the legacy of the ancestors.

What does your Spirit Guide look like?

Ehkadorah has medium brown hair and she has dark indigenous eyes; She wears a white deerskin dress with fringes, a buck hide belt, and a headband which is also a white deer skin garnet. She has a pair of bison hide moccasins which she wears to tribal and casual events.

Here are her two sisters, EDEA, AND AKASHA , they prefer to wear their warpaint and Hannah tattoo work to stay closer to their culture.

Whats the messages that my Spirit Guide has ?

Number 944 is a combination of the vibrations and attributes of number 9 and number 4, with number 4 appearing twice, magnifying its influences. Number 9 denotes endings and conclusions and relates to the Universal Spiritual Laws, a higher perspective and expansive viewpoint, strength of character, non-conformity, leadership and leading life as a positive example for others, altruism, humanitarianism and lightworking. Number 4 resonates with patience, practicality and application, hard work and responsibility, conscientiousness, progress, honesty and integrity, diligence and determination to achieve goals. Number 4 also relates to our passion and drive in life, and relates to the energies of the Archangels.

Angel Number 944 encourages you to re-organize your priorities and take responsibility for your own choices, actions, personal growth and all aspects of your life. Love and nurture yourself and others and focus upon your own goals, values and life path. Focus on being your highest and best self and speak and live your truths. Focus positively on your own energies and be your own powerful guide.

Angel Number 944 is a message that the angels and Archangels(and Spirit Guide) are supporting your life purpose and are encouraging you to look into spiritually-based work and/or career path or service-based project or venture. Your life purpose involves serving humanity using your lightworking abilities, so set your goals and pursue your aspirations with enthusiasm and passion and trust the workings of the Universe. You have all the skills and talents you need in order to fulfill your spiritual destiny.

Angel Number 944 may also suggest that it is time to let go of a situation that has now ran its course. As one door closes, another opens, and the angels are helping you to open those new doors of opportunity and help you heal from any pain, sorrow or feelings of loss that may accompany the transition that you are now undergoing. Use your creative mind to establish a plan of action, then move to the next level of your life.

Number 944 relates to number 8 (9+4+4=17, 1+7=8) and Angel Number 8.

Does any of these numbers relate to your life or have you noticed these in synchronicity on either the time on the clock or on the cost of your receipt?

January prediction from your Spirit Guide

Your dramatic expectations for a certain plan may clash with what is realistically possible this month, dear Scorpio. You may have wild ideas about what you can do - and you probably could if the circumstances were ideal - but someone else's plans or opinions may stand in your way. Although compromise is the last word you want to consider in this, it could actually be the best way for you to move forward. If you are open to making a few small changes in your plan, you can wind up getting almost all of what you want. You may discover in January that someone is trying to draw a wedge between you and someone else out of jealousy. But battling against the green-eyed monster takes strategy. First of all, you need to recognize that jealousy comes out of insecurity, so trying to merge one friend or associate with the one they are jealous of could actually result in a closer connection and more confidence if handled correctly. You don't want to lose either one of these individuals, so tread carefully. Your expectations for a joint effort might not parallel a partner's expectations. It is important to combine your goals until they are consistent and compatible before you begin. Make doing this a priority this month.

--Divinae

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mikauzoran · 5 years

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Lukadrien Drabbles: Nachtmusik Chapter Four

A Little Night Music (Eine Kleine Nachtmusik) Chapter Four: The more things stay the same...

“My father would kill me if I got a tattoo,” Adrien sighed, twirling a pen between his fingers as he leaned in to get a better look at the simple reference doodles Luka had drawn.

“You’d have to get it somewhere no one would see,” Luka hummed, going over the runes beneath the leftmost raven to thicken the lines.

Adrien scoffed. “Luka, I’m a model. My body is public property. There is no ‘somewhere no one would see’.”

Luka looked up and frowned. “Your body is yours…and whoever you decide to share it with’s…not public property.”

Adrien set the pen down on the counter and put his hands up in surrender. “Aren’t you getting discouraged yet?” he wondered.

“How so?” Luka went back to the doodle of the ravens.

“Trying to teach me self-worth,” Adrien explained. “Isn’t it frustrating having to repeat the same things over and over?”

“Not particularly.” Luka shrugged. “I mean, you’re only the way you are now because some people—who shall remain unnamed yet obvious—have been telling you you’re worthless and undesirable for years. Realistically, I figure it’s going to take me a solid two or three years of constant fussing and lavishing of praise and affection to get you back up somewhere close to normal. Why would I be frustrated after only four months?”

Adrien didn’t reply.

Luka looked up, an eyebrow quirking.

Adrien stared. “Are you serious?”

Luka’s brow pulled together into a frown. “It…probably is going to take longer than two or three years, honestly…but I’ve got time.” Luka’s eyes flicked back down to the doodles on the back of the flyer announcing a Greek music festival that weekend.

Adrien continued to stare, wondering what he had done in a former life to deserve this man’s friendship and devotion.

“…You could get a tattoo on your stomach,” Luka broke the silence after a minute or two had passed without words.

Adrien rubbed his stomach just above his bellybutton. “I pose shirtless or with my shirt unbuttoned sometimes. I think they’d see it.”

Luka snickered, looking up to surreptitiously wink. “I was thinking…lower, Angel.”

Adrien frowned, looked down, and then burst into laughter. “Geez. What kind of tattoo would I get on my pelvis?”

Luka shrugged, self-satisfaction still clinging to his lips. “What kind of tattoo would you get anywhere else?”

Adrien bit his lip. “Haven’t really thought about it.”

“How about a snake?” Luka offered.

Adrien smiled incredulously. “On my lower abdomen? Isn’t that kind of…I don’t know…suggestive?”

“I think the only people who would see it would be in a suggestive mood anyway,” Luka reasoned.

Adrien covered his face with his hands, shoulders trembling with laughter as he shook his head. “I think I’m too pure to be having this conversation.”

Luka rolled his eyes. “Please. Says the guy who has made suggestive jokes at my expense on numerous occasions.”

Adrien removed his hands from his eyes to playfully slap at Luka’s arm. He glanced furtively towards the stairwell to the upper deck. “What if your mom or sisters walk in?”

Luka snorted unconcernedly. “Juleka would gang up on whomever she most felt like seeing blush at that moment, Rose would go into hysterics over how we’re supposedly a couple now, and Maman would tell me to make sure my box of condoms isn’t expired and remind me how long it’s been since I last had need of them.”

“My father would…I don’t even know,” Adrien sighed. “Have a heart attack? He wouldn’t be supportive of me having a physical relationship with anyone like your mom is.”

“I kind of wish she was less supportive,” Luka grumbled. “She thinks it’s strange that I don’t have any interest in sleeping with people until I feel a really strong connection with them. She thinks I should experiment more.”

“I wonder why, if you’re happy the way you are,” Adrien hummed.

Luka shook his head, going back to tracing the runes on the doodle. “She comes from an era of free love, so it’s weird for her that I would only want one partner in a long-term, committed relationship…. Like…even though she was with our father for a long time, I’m not actually certain that Juleka and I have the same biological father. We look pretty different, and…Maman and my father’s eyes are both blue…but Juleka’s are brown. Genetically, that’s…”

Adrien drew in a slow, deep breath.

“…Part of me feels like they shouldn’t teach kids about genetics and Punnett squares until they’re old enough to deal with the reality that they’re adopted or their siblings aren’t full-blooded siblings,” Luka snorted. “…But we were talking about tattoos.”

Adrien nodded. “You should get the snake tattoo on your pelvis. You could pull it off.”

Luka grinned at the flattery. “You think?”

“It fits your image.”

“Because I was seriously considering it,” Luka informed.

“Were you really?” Adrien leaned in closer, picking up his pen once more and twirling it between his fingers. “What kind of snake? A cobra like Sass?”

Luka shook his head. “Something more stylized, more Zen, less threatening. Maybe a sleeping snake coiled up. Maybe a Chinese calligraphy-style snake.”

Adrien nodded in encouragement. “That would be kind of cool. I’d like to see that!”

Luka blushed. “I’m giving you the opportunity to remember the placement of the tattoo and adjust your enthusiasm.”

Adrien grimaced. “Pretend I made some kind of flirty, teasing comment to save face that made you feel slightly flattered but also a little uncomfortable.”

Luka gave him a thumbs up. “I actually think it would be cool to get an entire Chinese zodiac…plus a cat.”

Adrien’s face lit up. “Like Fruits Basket!”

Luka’s eye twitched as Adrien completely missed the implication. “Uh…what’s that?”

Adrien’s brow scrunched into an unimpressed frown. “You’ve never heard of Fruits Basket? It’s an anime…and a manga, but you have to see it. It’s one of the classics!” Adrien insisted adamantly. “I’ll have to show you. Marinette and I have been getting together for take away Chinese food and anime on Saturdays the past few months. We’re almost done with the anime we’re watching now, and, after that, we’re going to have to have you over to show you Furuba.”

Luka tried not to let the conflicting emotions show on his face. “That sounds like a lot of fun, but I don’t think Marinette would appreciate me intruding.”

Adrien rolled his eyes. “Marinette wouldn’t mind. She loves having you around. It would be fun, all three of us together.”

“Yeah,” Luka sighed, imagining an alternate reality where both Marinette and Adrien were ecstatic to have him around for all of the reasons he wanted them to be. “But it sounds like anime and Chinese is your thing—just the two of you. You would feel kind of off if Marinette started coming to our jam sessions or family meals, wouldn’t you?”

Adrien shifted awkwardly on the kitchen stool, his nose crinkling. “…That’s different.”

“Maybe it’s not to her,” Luka suggested kindly. “I’ll tell you what, you and I can watch that anime together, just the two of us. How does that sound?”

Adrien’s smile came back, and he nodded. “Deal…. So…tattoos?”

Luka grinned, motioning down at the doodles. “I don’t want a sleeve or anything too big or noticeable. Just some little decorative tattoos here and there that can be hidden easily.”

Adrien switched hands so that he was twirling the pen in his right, freeing up his left hand to point. “I love the concept of Odin’s ravens on your shoulder blades…and a snake around your wrist under your usual bracelet is too funny.”

“I’m also thinking about getting a little pawprint on my finger where I usually wear my ring,” Luka announced tentatively, awaiting Adrien’s reaction.

“A pawprint?” Adrien’s head slowly tipped to the side. “Why a pawprint?”

Luka fought not to show his chagrin. “You know,” he replied conversationally. “like Chat Noir.”

Adrien’s eyes widened, and his face took on an amazed gleam. “Really?”

“Of course,” Luka replied smoothly, inwardly steeling himself. “I am his biggest fan after all…both in and out of the mask.”

Adrien let out one of those dazzling, marble machine laughs, hitting a jerky collection of pitches that somehow managed to sound just perfect to Luka.

“You’d have to fight off hordes of fangirls for that title,” Adrien cautioned.

Luka shrugged. “I’d take them…and I would win.”

“You’re wasted on Chat Noir and whoever he is behind that mask,” Adrien replied in awe, a wide grin spreading from one corner of his mouth to the other. “He could never appreciate you the way you deserve. He’s too full of himself.”

Luka shook his head. “I’ve met Chat Noir. He may come off as a flirty goofball in public, but in private he’s sweet and considerate.”

“Wow,” Adrien chuckled. “If you like him so much, you should marry him. I’m sure you two would make adorable kittens together.”

Luka’s entire face went burgundy as he burst out laughing. “Oh my God,” he gasped, burying his face in his hands.

“As for me, Viperion is much better,” Adrien continued, smirking in triumph as Luka continued to laugh convulsively in a mix of misery, disbelief, and genuine amusement.

“Seriously,” Adrien pretended to pout. “He’s all mysterious and suave and sexy. I’d like to see him in a suit…. Though…Chat Noir is pretty hot. I mean, his butt…”

“Perfection,” Luka snickered.

“Exactly,” Adrien emphatically agreed. “…Do you think Viperion would think I was a slut if I wanted to have occasional threesomes with you and Chat Noir?”

Luka looked up from where his head rested on the countertop. He wiped a tear from his eye and wondered, “How did this become a thing?”

“What?” Adrien hummed, satisfied with his work. “The whole pretending to be gay for Chat Noir and Viperion thing? Remember when Rose got us to play Kill, Screw, Marry last month, and I said I would kill Chat Noir, screw Ladybug, and marry Viperion? And then you said you would kill Ladybug, screw Chat Noir, and marry me? And then Juleka made a joke about foursomes. And then I observed that it seemed like the best of friends always made jokes about sleeping with one another? Like Marinette and Alya and Nino and me, so…it seemed like a logical leap to start doing that with you?” Adrien frowned as a thought occurred to him. “…But is it weird because you’re bi? I know a lot of friends joke about being gay for one another, but…is this insulting? If so, I’m really sorry,” he backpedaled hard. “I’m still kind of new to this whole ‘acceptable casual social etiquette’ thing. Tell me if I cross a line. Please. I don’t want to screw this up.”

Luka straightened and shook his head. “You’re okay. I don’t mind your flirting and teasing. I know you’re a flirty person to start with and that it’s not just me. I don’t have any delusions about that. I mean, I’ve seen you and Nino. You and Nino need to get a room and work out some of the sexual tension between you two sometime. Put the poor man out of his misery, Angel.”

Adrien rolled his eyes. “I think Alya is doing a fine job. She doesn’t need my help…but we’re okay?” He eyed Luka anxiously.

Luka nodded. “I know you’re just joking. No offence taken.”

“Good,” Adrien sighed in relief. “…So…tattoos?”

The side of Luka’s mouth rose in a fond smile. “I think I’m going to get the pawprint tattoo on my finger. Do you think this looks accurate?” He indicated the doodle below Munin the raven.

Adrien frowned, pulling the paper in closer.

“I mean, I’m always distracted when I’m around Chat Noir, so I haven’t paid very close attention to what the pawprint on the ring looks like,” Luka explained.

“Distracted?” Adrien hummed, peeking up mischievously. “By his butt?”

Luka had mostly meant the akuma, but…

Luka bumped Adrien’s shoulder and replied a little too genuinely, too tenderly, “By his eyes. I’m a sucker for his eyes.”

Adrien’s heart jumped. “…Mine are prettier.”

“Jealous, Angel?” Luka snickered.

“Confused,” Adrien thought.

Confused because he kind of wanted Luka to be serious. Sometimes, Luka would say something painfully sweet, and Adrien’s heart would ache for Luka’s words to be true. And that was extremely confusing because Adrien wasn’t interested in guys. At least…he had never been interested in guys before. It had only ever been Ladybug, but…sometimes Luka confused him.

“Super jealous,” Adrien snorted.

“Don’t be. He’s not interested in me, so I’m all yours, Angel,” Luka chuckled at his own expense.

“Don’t you forget it,” Adrien clicked his tongue, switching the ink pen to his left hand to draw. “The pawprint is more like this.”

Luka nodded, impressed by the likeness. “…How is it that you have such an intimate knowledge of Chat Noir’s ring?”

Adrien looked up and answered with a straight face, “Oh? Didn’t I tell you? I’m sleeping with him.”

“Oh?” Luka snickered. “Be a friend and get me his number, would you?”

“I don’t think I want to share,” Adrien pouted.

“Share which one of us?” Luka arched an eyebrow.

Adrien smirked, twirling the ink pen playfully. “Either.”

Luka rolled his eyes. “In all seriousness—”

The pen went flying from Adrien’s hand, landing over by the wraparound couch.

“Oops.” Adrien smiled sheepishly. He hopped down from the stool into a feline crouch, scooped up the pen, and slowly rolled up, his posterior leading.

Luka’s brain blew a fuse. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help watching. It had happened so fast, and now he couldn’t keep from staring. He was already a little riled up from all the suggestive flirting, and now…ngeh. His mind was in the gutter.

Did Adrien know what he was doing? He couldn’t. He couldn’t have any idea. Even if he did, he wouldn’t. Adrien may have been a flirt, but he wasn’t a tease. He would never.

Adrien turned back around, and Luka scrambled to put a lid on all thoughts of Adrien’s butt and Adrien naked and sinking his teeth into the flesh of Adrien’s hip until he left a mark and Adrien’s laugh and Adrien’s eyes and how bad he wanted this guy. Because Adrien had no idea, and it was an abuse of Adrien’s trust to be sitting there staring and having those kinds of thoughts when Adrien was under the belief that their flirting was only all in good fun.

“Sorry. What were you saying?” Adrien smiled innocently as he sat back down on the stool next to Luka.

Luka shifted uncomfortably, mentally cursing his preference for wearing skinny jeans that were too tight to begin with.

Belatedly, he realized that Adrien had asked him a question. “Um… Was I talking?”

Adrien nodded, waiting expectantly.

Luka gulped, trying to discretely regulate his breathing. “Uh…I forget.”

Adrien shrugged, not suspecting. “Well, just let me know if you remember.”

“S-Sure,” Luka replied thickly, shrugging off his overshirt because suddenly the main cabin was sweltering.

And then Adrien took hold of his hand.

The touch felt like a hot iron on Luka’s unexpectedly hypersensitive skin.

“May I?” Adrien inquired, motioning to take Luka’s ring off.

Luka nodded, not trusting his voice.

With the retrieved ink pen, Adrien carefully traced the pawprint onto Luka’s flesh, blowing on it to help it dry before slipping the ring back over it.

Internally, Luka was panting. The contact, the way Adrien bit his bottom lip in concentration, the way he puckered his lips to blow the ink dry…simultaneously too much and yet not enough. He almost whimpered when Adrien withdrew his hands.

“Done,” Adrien announced proudly.

Luka pulled the ring back off carefully to inspect Adrien’s work and immediately came to a decision: he was going that very evening to get that pawprint permanently tattooed onto his skin before the ink had a chance to smudge or wash off.

“I love it,” Luka breathed. “It’s perfect.”

“Glad to hear it,” Adrien chuckled, obviously pleased with himself.

Luka caught Adrien’s right hand. “Would you be comfortable with moving your ring to a different finger for a second?”

Adrien nodded, slipping his ring off and sliding it onto the ring finger of his left hand.

Luka picked up his own pen and made two little dots on the finger, reminiscent of puncture wounds. “Done,” he announced.

Adrien frowned, inspecting his “tattoo”. “Bite mark?” he questioned.

“Snake bite.” Luka winked.

Adrien tittered in amusement. “Oh no! Aren’t viper bites lethal? You’d better suck the venom out before I die!”

“Drama queen,” Luka snorted even as he grinned.

“Seriously!” Adrien insisted, hamming it up as he held out his hand. “Quick! I’m already feeling woozy!”

Luka took Adrien’s hand and delicately brought it to his lips for a feather-light kiss.

Adrien’s heartbeat tripped. His stomach fluttered. His breath caught.

Luka looked up, his eyes meeting Adrien’s as the most perfect blush skated over Adrien’s cheeks, highlighting the dazed look in Adrien’s eyes as his pupils widened.

Luka’s breath hitched.

At the same moment, a thought occurred to both boys:

“Shoot. I’m in serious trouble.”

#Adrien Agreste/Luka Couffaine #Miraculous Ladybug #Miraculous Ladybug Fanfiction #Lukadrien #Adrien Agreste #Luka Couffaine #Flirting #Mikau's Writings #A Little Night Music (Eine Kleine Nachtmusik)

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hey-im-trash-and-better-than-you · 5 years

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here’s my hot take of f!Byleth

so like am I the only one who actually likes f!byleth’s design or uhhhh

(this post was much longer than planned but if you wanna hear my reasoning then uh)

like I get why everyone's mad I guess but I think it's being blown out of proportion there's like a solid 2 tiny pieces of fabric being put in for everyone’s “redesigns”. her belly button is showing big whoop. compared to some other FE females this is a huge step up

for everyone saying she's too “Camilla-like” at least they gave her some form of actual pants and her top-half actually covers most of her and even though there's that part that shows part of her chest (which, realistically doesn’t even seem that big) you aren’t actually even seeing any cleavage or any side boob or anything unlike Camilla who basically had her whole tiddy out constantly

also I’ve heard plenty of people saying “why’d they make her boobs so big” but like:

she actually looks pretty proportional for an adult woman? I think everyone's pissed because her sprite was at a weird angle that just made her look hella busty

There’s also the whole “M!Byleth has more armor! F!byleth is so exposed!”

yall did you even look at the sprites

they are actually both fairly similarly covered,

If you look at f!Byleth’s sprite she does have some kind of plating over her chest and waist whereas m!Byleth only has some over his waist. Yes, f!Byleth is uncovered near the top of her chest but it doesn't necessarily mean she’s any more vulnerable. “Oh but m!Byleth is covered there he’s more protected!” yeah ok he’s covered, by a shirt. if two people were to get stabbed in the chest one being naked and the other wearing a shirt who would survive? Neither!! a shirt isn't going to stop a sword, arrow, axe, lance, or whatever. covered does NOT always equal protected.

Not to mention BOTH sprites have essentially the same arm armor and leg armor. the only things that m!Byleth has that f!Byleth does not is the full waist armor, but remember, he doesn’t have chest armor like f!Byleth does so it really balances it out, and that weird shoulder/neck armor looking thingy but I think that's solely there just to hold up their weird cape/sleeves/whatever and probably isn't really effective armor anyway

so honestly the only thing I can see people getting upset about for good reason is like, maybe her bellybutton showing, which honestly I think isn’t a totally bad part of her design.

also, no, do not expect them to “fix” anything regarding design this close to release because that would not end well and would really only result in worse quality design and then nobody is happy. At this point, it would be impossible because I assume they’ve already printed the artbooks and calendar and box art for the special release thing and not to mention changing sprites now would be really tedious.

but that's just my hot take for the day

(and before anyone bashes me about not respecting women I am, in fact, a female so don’t even try it)

#dont at me #yall are overreacting #both byleths can step on me #fire emblem three houses #byleth #f byleth #fe16

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annashipper · 6 years

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Megapost 2 - 31st of August 2018

Nonny Nr. 1: Clockwork (LOL)! Pissed, sour, arrogant and looking preggo. I'm really about to give up, not on skeptics but on trying to find him excuses. He really looks more and more complicit of this shit.

Anna: Oh, I’m way past finding Ben excuses. As I’ve said countless times before, I firmly believe he’s been on the steering wheel since March of 2016 :o)

Nonny Nr. 2: Can I say this is getting boring? If he's so careful to keep his private life private, why on Earth bringing his visibly pregnant wife with him? They could easily keep the pregnancy hidden and simply announce the baby's birth... unless, of course, he needs the extra-attention for his career well-being. YAWN.

Anna: His “demure”, “pregnant” wife who recently hurt her foot, but endures it all because she’s a trooper Nonny. There’s a reason he was calling her heroic two years back ;o)

Nonny Nr. 3: I dare them to go for pregnancy number 4, 5, and 6 in her forties because that’s really common. *sarcasm She’s also got the triangular belly back! And wasn’t her belly hardly noticeable on the recent fortune IG pix?

Anna: The more pregnancies we get to document whenever Ben has a project that’s being released on cinemas and needs a boost in publicity, the more realistic said pregnancies look Nonny.

Especially considering the pictures we got on the 24th of June with Weirdo looking like she’d drunk an extra cup of tea, then the pics we got of her from her friend’s private instagram account this week, where she looks like she’s drunk the same extra cup of tea again, and the triangular belly of much smooshiness and popped bellybutton we got yesterday.

So realistic, much inconsistent.

Nonny Nr. 4: "has a kids movie to promote shortly and BOOM, there she is, preggers"--No. I'm not sure what the reasoning is for this one or the 2nd one, but this isn't for The Grinch. That doesn't make sense. Way too early plus the focus audience will not care. Neither the 2nd or 3rd pregnancies occured at a time where the pregnancy would be useful to the promo at hand, and you get less attention after the 1st one to boot. TL DR there's nothing for this to sell.

Anna: I don’t think it’s too early Nonny. We’re about a fortnight away from the Emmys, so it’s perfect timing to get people to start paying attention for a big reveal at the Emmys red carpet. That would ensure Ben some free publicity and cute family-friendly topics of conversation for The Grinch promo tour, which should start about a fortnight after the Emmys (the movie’s being released in the US on the 8th of November).

Perfect timing I would say ;o)

Nonny Nr. 5: You’re right you really CAN set a watch to these times pregnancies can’t you. Literally every. Single. Time. It’s the beginning of Promotion his happens, even if we have them running to the gym a couple weeks ago w her slim as a rail. My god

Anna: It’s a shame that Ben didn’t have any movies to promote for theatre release last year Nonny. A missed opportunity to add to the CumberBatch of boys if I ever saw one...

@jazziesb: BC’s got a lot of serious issues in his life, now a third fake kid. It makes me sometimes really annoyed that BC keeps pretending to have kids who don’t exist and that SH wears her fake belly again. From what we saw in their interactions and behaviour towards each other SH can never really be pg, and I find it almost impossible for them to have had any kind of intercourse that would have produced real kids. All that makes me run up the wall sometimes. How can they be so stupid to think they can get away with it for even more years? Why does nobody publish these lies and make them all come out for people to see? Hollywood is full of fake relationships, but not many of them lasted this long.

Anna: I disagree with most of your observations @jazziesb, except for the “Weirdo could never have been pregnant” part.

@mysticalmaniac: I called it, I really did call it when I saw the "work-out" top that was wrinkled above the waist, but stretched taut across her abdomen. Then there's the twitter video from last night? That was the Oscar bump if I'm not mistaken. I don't know why there's a kerfuffle about this, this is going to be very entertaining. We've already got the wine glass JUST LIKE the first fake, aw, she's such a silly sow, she doesn't learn (or she does it to wipe it in the faces of his fans/nans). Pop the popcorn.

Anna: I don’t see any kerfuffle @mysticalmaniac, but I do see the pop corn, and it’s staring right back at me ;o)

Fat Nosed Anon: 🙄💤 colour me surprised, Anna. What shocked me more is that it's been almost two years since the last time they shared a growing bump (or 'bump') with the world. Time flies and I still haven't won the lottery despite playing :o/ (should choose :o/ FNA as the fat noses seem to be more in fashion that I'd thought). Good job that somebody 'leaked ' the privately private so very maternal pictures in advance :o) As the weekend is getting closer, have a great one!

Anna: Colour me unimpressed Fat Nosed Anon ;o)

Have a wonderful weekend! I’m starting it with a bang, since I’m going out with a group of friends for drinks tonight, and then I’m planning to go for a swim at least once this weekend, cause the heat is unbearable again on my side of the screen.

JT Anon: Personally I’ll never stop laughing over her slim enviable figure from a few weeks ago to this but hey clockwork like you said

Anna: If you’re looking for realism and consistency, you’ve tuned into the wrong showmance JT :P

Mom Anon: On gettyimages, there is NO pic of them at all so far. I think Ben should really have gone to the Jaegre LeCoultre RC, if he remains invisible for the main stream, he might as well have stayed home.

Anna: I haven’t been able to find any pics of Ben, Weirdo or Adam on any of the pap sites I keep track of Mom Anon. So ... no official red carpet walks I guess.

He did go to the party after The Favourite premiere, and had a chat with the cast, but I don’t see Weirdo in the background. LINK (thanks to @ptskeptonanny for sending me so many social media post links today by the way. You’re awesome!)

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lacyjaybird · 6 years

Text

Finals Suck (But Drinking Games Don’t)

Sorry I haven’t posted anything for Inukag week. Maybe because im a lazy piece of shit I really haven’t been motivated to write... but w/e. Here is day 1... like 5 days late..

But here’s something! (here it is @mustardyellowsunshine ... ya happy??)

@inukag-week

Day 1: Team Work / Yellow

Finals Suck! (But Drinking Games Don’t)

Word count: 1507 (Where is this when i need it for my WIPs??)

Rating: T

“Okay. This is enough.” Miroku declared, standing up briskly from his former seat on Inuyasha and Kagome’s navy blue sectional. “I refuse to allow these final exams to continue to spoil perfectly good moods!”

Sango, who had been seated beside him, looked up from her riveting copy of “Textbook of Sports Medicine: Basic Science and Clinical Aspects of Sports Injury and Physical Activity” translated into Japanese. “And how do you expect Kagome and I to do that? Hmm? We have exams early tomorrow. So no drinking for us.” She had bookmarked her place and sat the hefty book on the floor, taking off her reading glasses and rubbing her tired eyes.

“My gallant companion, Inuyasha, and I will be drinking in your stead, my lady.” Miroku smirked, pushing up the sleeves of his purple hoodie before turning to face the group.

Inuyasha was seated on the floor, his head leaned back as Kagome had been taking notes from an audio book with one hand and gently massaging his ears with the other. He had a bag of potato chips in between his folded legs and a textbook held over his face, grumbling.

Both were now paying him full attention. “Listen here, shit-for-brains. I ain’t got the smarts yall do. So i gotta cram this shit in if i stand any chance of getting my degree.” The hanyou snarled, making a move to lean forward, his free hand rolling up the sleeve to his baseball style tee, the textbook now being wielded as a weapon.

But before another move could be made, by either the brunette brandishing a backpack as a shield or the ivory haired brute threatening bludgeoning, Kagome stood, stretching her arms over her head. This allowed for the hem on her mustard yellow “SHAM” sweater to ride up her midsection, showing right beneath her belly button. “I say let's do it!” She smiled, her arms dropping down into two thumbs up.

“I guess.” Sango sighed, straightening the pants to her jumpsuit as she stood to stretch as well.

“How about flip cup?” Miroku asked, gently using the backpack to thump the book out of Inuyasha’s grasp. “I don't know any drinking games, but I’m willing to learn!” Kagome smiled, tying her raven hair up in to a bun. She then ducked quickly into her and Inuyasha’s room to change into some sweat pants rather than the pencil skirt she had been sporting. She didn't know how intense these things got.

Once she returned, the girl noted how quickly the set had changed. The dinner table of their humble little apartment had been cleared of all textbooks and lined on its two longest sides with solo cups. Sango was in the process of filling each cup to the indented line on the inside with beer when Kagome had shuffled over, wrinkling her nose at the twangy scent.

“Here are the rules.” Miroku beamed, obviously proud of himself. Inuyasha’s ears perked as he pulled his long hair into a loose bun, listening carefully. Sometimes Miroku changed the rules to things for his favor if he knew that one or more of the people playing were new to the game, and he simply didn't want to be bested because Kagome wasn't properly informed.

“Two teams. On each team you have the drinkers and the flippers. Usually that's not how it's played, but we will make exception for tonight. The drinkers will start at one end and down each cup of beer, setting the empty cup on the edge of the table so a small corner sticks off. Once they have completed the 10 cups, they tag their partner who must take a sake shot and be spun around 3 times before they have to use only one finger to flip the cups upright onto the table. “ Sango made a move to protest the sake, but the Religious Studies major listed a finger to halt her, the glass of sake pouring gently into the small ceramic cups.

“It's a single shot, my love. And it's only to disorient you while you flip.”

Sango rolled her eyes and pulled her long, loose russet hair into a high ponytail and arched a brow at Miroku. “If you think just because I'm on your team means that you get some sort of award from this if we win, then you're wrong, perv,” she grumbled.

Miroku had been trying for months to win over the heart of the athlete, but to no visible avail.

“Okay! Let's do this! We need team names!” Kagome cheered, her mood lifting visibly the more she thought about the activity. Inuyasha, on the other hand, was looking at all the beer in the cups and thinking about the meager amount of food in his stomach. Hopefully his metabolism would burn through it before it had any negative repercussions.

“How about…” Kagome began, tapping a delicate finger against her chin. She had rolled up the sleeves to her sweater for more freedom. “How about InuKag for us,” she continued, pointing to herself and Inuyasha, “And MirSan for you guys!”

“What?” Inuyasha questioned, cocking an eyebrow as he picked something out of his canine ear with a clawed pinkie.

“You know! Like with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? Brangalina!”

Inuyasha sighed and made his way to the other side of the table, shaking his head. HIs girlfriend had always been silly, but this was ridiculous.

Miroku laughed at his friend’s antics and rolled his eyes, removing his hoodie to show only a sleeveless black workout shirt, the tattoo half sleeve on his right arm catching Sango’s attention. How had she known him for so long and never seen his bare arms?

As Inuyasha and Miroku sat on on their side of the table, Sango leaned over to her friend, a question in her set shoulders as she eyed Miroku’s ink. A buddhist temple, that she recognized as Kenninji Temple, capped the shoulder and lead down to a zen garden and the Garden of the Sound of the Tide located at that temple. The scene dissolved into blue prayer beads that looped around his elbow and stopped at the top of his forearm.

“So i didn't know that Miroku had tattoos..” She whispered, admiring the photo-realistic ink.

“Yeah, He got those shortly after moving here. He was raised out by Kyoto and apparently that temple is really important to his family,“ Kagome offered, moving over to mirror Inuyasha.

Before Sango could say anything else, Miroku spoke up. “Alright, my comrades! Are you ready?” Inuyasha and Kagome locked eyes, a smirk on his lips as the competition aspect began to catch in his bones. He shook his arms out in anticipation. “On the count of three. One.. two… THREE!”

As soon as the word was uttered, both males were off, downing cup upon cup of beer and placing them on the edge of the table. They were nearly neck and neck, Inuyasha having a slight lead. The apartment had erupted in cheers from the start, Sango and Kagome both shouting encouragements to their teammates

As soon as he finished the last cup on their side, Inuyasha tagged Kagome, who immediately took the sake shot and allowed herself to be spun around. Seconds later, Sango caught up with her. Kagome fumbled on the first cup, but soon she was off like a bullet, righting the cups one after another. Inuyasha erupted in howling chants, a smile plastered across his face as Kagome breezed through the cups. She delicately placed her middle finger in the exposed rim of the cup and flicked her wrist expertly, righting the last cup. Throwing her arms up in the air, Kagome cheered as Inuyasha whooped, scooping her up into his arms, her bellybutton up by his nose, his left arm holding her up beneath her butt as the other pumped in the air.

Sango and Miroku were left staring blankly as Inuyasha began laughing loudly, Kagome letting out a loud,”Whooo!!!”. The couple gloated loudly as their friends watched, jaws slack.

Miroku shook his head in disbelief, chuckling as he began to pick up the cups, Sango wiping up residual liquids on the table. As he began to ask Kagome how she had the skills to smoke them, he noticed the couple smiling to each other, lost in the moment. He decided to nod his head to Sango, suggesting they leave their friends alone. Inuyasha captured Kagome’s lips in between his smiling ones, still holding her over his head. Her small hands framed his face as she laughed against him, her stress melting away with every peck of the lips.

After the cups were thrown away and bags were packed, the two brunettes said quick goodbyes to their friends and headed out the door, leaving the still smiling couple in the small apartment to laugh. Their night much lighter than it had begun, wrapped in each others arms as the threat of the upcoming exams faded in to the back of their minds for another time.

#you can thank robin for this #she literally guilted me #like #full on puppy dog face #*sigh*#but here we are #inukag #inukag week #inukag week 2k18 #did you catch my easter egg #no pun intended #maybe a little but of pun #okay full pun intended

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insolitus-academy · 4 years

Photo

♚ // Face Claim Full name Face Claim: Park Sooyoung ( Joy) Group/Band/Occupation: Red Velvet / Actress Nationality: South Korean Faceclaim age: Twenty-Four

♚ // Character ; Basic information

Quote: [Something they would say, something they live by or something that means a lot to them. One to two sentences. ]

Full name character: Enya Bizeril Nickname: None Realm of birth(if earth, nationality): Assearhia, also known as the Twilight Nexus Age: 311 (physically 24) Date of Birth: October 25th Gender: Cisfemae Preferred Pronouns: She/Her Race: Nagini Sexual Orientation: Sapiosexual What languages does your character speak?: Assearhian, Korean, English What is the level of Korean and how did they learn to speak it (For non-Korean characters from other realms & other earth-countries): Her level of Korean is good enough to hold a conversation but there are times she cannot recall certain words / phrases.

♚ // Character ; Appearance

Skin Color: Lightly tanned Eye color: One Purple, one Pink when in a more human form to reflect her scale colors. Green and slitted in snake form Scars: Scar just below the sternum from an assassiantion attempt gone wrong. Piercings: Tongue, Bellybutton and ears Tattoos: The seal of the Assearhian royal family – a snake eating it’s own tail Hair color: Black Abnormalities: Slitted pupils in her human form, the presence of fangs that are typially hidden by her lips but become enlarged when angry or threatened Horns/ wings/ etc.: N/A SNAKE TW Transformed form: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/54/c4/43/54c443a9f719353f3aed59859cd65af2.jpg

♚ // Character ; Personality

Six personality traits: Adaptable, Narcisstic, Intuitive, Distrustful, Realistic, Secretive

Likes: the smell before it rains, summer days, partying, teasing others, exploring Dislikes: winter, crowded places, innocent minded people, inherent disrespect, people in her personal space Manias: Training, collecting things with the color red in them Phobias: Dying because she isn’t strong enough Animal: Snake, through and through Religion: No Favorite song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krIlTKVa7L4 + down with the fallen, starset Vice: Pride Virtue: Diligence

Personality description: There are two versions of Enya. The first is what most people see from her: the girl who seems to not care about anything. She is bratty and flirtacious, which can be off-putting to people who may not be used to such bold and upfront behavior. She speaks her mind without a care on how people may percieve the things that she says and is the first to say that if you don’t want the answer to the question then you are better off not asking her at all. She doesn’t seem to have a care if people hate or love her but she can adapt to the situation at hand with relative ease. If she doesn’t find a situation interesting or worth her time, she isn’t known to stick around and seems to thrives best when there is general chaos. Though it can be inferred a lot of her personality comes form being considered royalty, she never denies nor agrees with such assumptions. The less people know about her, the better of she believes that she is. The true Enya, is far from what she projects to other people. Underneath a sarcastic and amused persona is a woman who is more manipulative and calculative than anyone can truly know. She looks out for herself and her person first and foremost, everyone else is collateral damage to her. If she sees something or someone as a threat to her she drops her facade and instead becomes distant and cold, projecting a powerful and dismissive attitude instead.

♚ // Character ; Powers

Magical Powers: Shapeshifting – is able to shift into her original snake form, that of an African Bush Viper and hold it for a couple hours. Poison stimulation – can stimulate poison into her fangs that are hidden in order to attack someone even in her human form. Scale armor – able to summon her scales to cover her skin in small areas in dangerous situations. she can summon them to cover her full body but it does not last more than a couple of minutes at a time. Healing – sheds her ‘scales’ or her 'skin’ in order to help regenerate her wounds faster.

Non-magical Powers: Proficient in Hand to hand combat swordfighting – All people in her home relam are taught how to fight and defend, moreso because of her position of power in her realm she is more than profcient in fighting and protecting herself. Information Gathering – due to her abnormally quiet demeanor, she is able to sneak and hide and uses it to gather information that may be beneficial to her.

Weaknesses: Cold Weather – As a snake she is someone who needs constant warmth in order to stay alive, therefore the colder it is the weaker she is as a result. This makes her movements and her thinking considerably slower as well. Gold – This metal specifically is known to burn her skin and can severely weaknen her if it is worn for long periods of time. Ice Powers – because of her weakness to the cold, anyone who can manipulate ice / weather / snow or the like are people who can harm her with little resistence. She, as a result, typically avoids and dislikes these types of people.

♚ // Character ; The Student

Study Style: They are only dedicated to subjects that they think are beneficial to her in the long run. In those instances, she is severe and smart and known to work rather hard. The less she thinks the class is valuable, the less she does. Favorite class: General Battle Tactics II Least favorite class: Human and Earth History

classes (5-8) :

Intermediate Magic General Battle Tactics II Smiting and Armor Maintenance Korean II Manipulation Human and Earth History

♚ // Character ; The Past

Date of Birth: October 25th Date of Death: N/A Crime Record: None

Has your character attended Insolitus Academy in the past? No

Background: Assearhia is not a land for those who are weak, something her Father told her often when she was growing up. The only daughter of the royal family with older brothers who were incredibly gifted meant that she had to work that much harder in order to stand out among them. Truthfully, she knows, that she was lucky to have been born at all. With the birthrate at a standstill between the Assearhia’s and the royal family, it was a miracle to have one let alone 4 children. It was this fertility that cemented their rule and each child was expected to behave to a royal standard – weakness was not tolerated, only those who could stand their ground and protect themselves would be able to survive their harsh, war-torn land. Yet as the years passed on, more and more of her brothers died until only she was left as the heir apparent. Their constant battle with their rivals had left them all scarred and tired but there was no moment of weakness that could be shown to the people. They looked to them for guidance, for strength, but most of all they looked to them to keep Assearhia away from invaders and rivals who threatened to take them all down until there was not a single snake left on the continent. Though she tried her hardest to become a fearsome warrior, there was always something lacking from her training. This only became apparent when an assassination attack left her almost dead and bedridden. It was only when she was better that her Father decided that she should be sent elsewhere, not only for her safety but also to train her to become stronger than what it seemed they could teach her. Having graudated from Insolitus Academy himself, he arranged for his daughter to join the studeny body. She would only be allowed back once she had proven herself to them and to him – and it was with this warning in mind she was packed and sent away from her family and the only land she had ever known.

♚ // Roleplayer

Time zone: EST

OOC! Triggers: Just spiders

Themes/genres you like writing the most?: Action, Horror, just general dark things.

#Dark spawn #student #submission #iacharacter #nagini

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bisummers · 7 years

Text

@catty-words

Disclaimer: these are simply my opinions, provided with the small authority of someone who has a b.a. in design and thinks too much about clothes. It’s long.

Tara's wardrobe is the source of much controversy. Most of the fandom find fault with it. They say it's unflattering; that her clothes don’t fit her properly and are cut in a way that doesn’t do justice to her body. I agree, but the important question to ask is… why? The cynic in me thinks this is a symptom of the industry’s sick performance of female beauty. The optimist in me hopes the styling was deliberate. In reality it’s probably a bit of both and regardless both are important to consider.

The main girls (Buffy, Cordy, Willow, Anya, etc.) all fall within the petite industry standard. They have slightly different proportions, but they could all share a wardrobe between themselves and between any other actress the studio was dressing at the time. Amber Benson did not fit that group. The wardrobe available to her would've been smaller and the styles substantially limited. So part of why Tara looks like she does could be the costume department didn’t even try to properly fit a "fat" girl. (Ironically, Amber was around my size while filming BTVS, and I’m skinny by most standards.)

That said: was Tara the character purposely dressing like that because she felt fat? I can't tell you that. Tara's weight and how it compares to the other girls doesn't ever come up. It is never a plot point she is specifically insecure about her looks, so canonically, there’s noting I can use to point to that. Can someone infer from personal experience that was the case? Yes. Can they use that as a way to relate to her more? Absolutely. But I'm an US size 7 and I used to be even smaller, so I cannot speak to that kind of hardship. Everyone has complex body image issues, but that doesn’t mean they are all comparable, and I think it’s hypocritical to talk like I know how you feel.

What I can say is that there is plenty of other reasons addressed by the plot that make this costuming works, which is why I like it within the show regardless of how problematic it may have been in real life. Whether Tara's styling was a deliberate choice or casual disregard from the wardrobe department doesn't change the fact it services the character.

Tara actually has one of the most consistent styles in the show. She wears natural makeup and sports lots of dainty, sparkly jewelry. She wears a lot of tops too small for her. The necklines show little chest bone and the hems end just below the bellybutton. The bottoms have a relaxed fit and also hit a couple of inches below the bellybutton. (BTW these two fits together are why she looks so shapeless, it takes away her natural waistline.)

So, what does that say about Tara and how is it backed up by the show? Let’s think about what we know:

We know she was raised under a controlling father, a sick mother, and an aggressive brother. Most of her family saw her as filthy and demonic. Her mom, on the other hand, was a powerful witch who embraced her magic and shares it with Tara. She was possibly Tara’s only source of kindness until her untimely death. This upbringing made Tara timid, soft spoken, and insecure. When we met her she is 17-18 y/o and has recently left her family. She's knowledgeable on witchcraft, but acts careful around it, torn between her desire to experiment and her respect for its power.

Knowing this, her wardrobe makes sense to me. A dad who would not nurture autonomy or acceptance would have bought most of it. He wouldn’t have wanted to attract attention from the outside world; he needed to keep control of her. His concern would've been for Tara to look as average as possible. So why wouldn't most of the clothes be modest, dowdy, and ill fitting? Yes, once she moves out she has much more government over her self-expression, but it would still be directly influenced by what she's used to. She wouldn't suddenly learn what’s best for her proportions and go buy a brand new wardrobe.

That said we do see glimpses of her individuality with her accessories and hair, the latter being the one thing that goes through the biggest transformation. We go from a cascade of straight hair hiding her face to a darker, sultrier, layered look. She also starts wearing trendy intricate up dos that show she is putting more effort in her appearance. Her wardrobe goes through rocky growth, which is very normal in someone who is just recently gain their freedom and are building their sense of self.

Anyways… all of that just to say this: Although an arguable disservice to Amber's beauty, I find the styling choices for Tara to be realistic. They made sense with her history and aided our understanding of her personality and character growth. I find it preposterous that this great character design may have not been intentional, but a reflection of the Hollywood’s sorry treatment of different body types. I find it ridiculous people though Amber unfit to be part of the cast due to her shape and used her looks to shame her.. but that is a longer conversation for another day.

#tara maclay #btvs meta #btvs fashion #costume design #i don't know if i answered your question?#and im sorry this is so long?#i tried tying all my thought together i really did #i was gonna do visual aids but i ended up describing her style out of laziness to cap sorry #you know what i mean

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nanalikessurveys · 4 years

Text

Are you one of those lucky people to own a walk-in closet? No, i’m so unfortunate haha Is there a random object you own that has a huge personal significance? Not really lol Do you use Google? Yes, everyday Would you like to go swimming right now? No, not right now Can you play electric guitar? I can’t

Do you have an HDTV? I’m not sure lol, it’s just a TV to me When was the last time you drank something through a straw? I have no idea, i usually don’t use a straw Have you ever tried to teach yourself a different language? Not really How long was your last phone call? About 2 mins which is long for me haha

Do you need to repaint your nails? I don’t have them painted and i don’t feel like doing it now Has there ever been a horoscope that came true for you? I don’t read horoscopes Are you a fan of industrial metal? No, i don’t like metal music Are you one of those people who chew two pieces of gum, not one? Yeah sometimes

Do you have a wall calendar? I don’t

Have you ever taken the pictures from a calendar and used them as posters? Nope Can you handle the cold? Better than the heat for sure, i love cold weather Have you ever been to Canada? No Do you believe in superstitions? Not really When was the last time you took a taxi somewhere? When i went to the vet with my cat, i don’t own a car i don’t feel comfortable going to the bus with my cat lol Would you ever join the army, airforce or navy? I wouldn’t How old is the person you last kissed? 25 Is there a friend that you can always rely on to get you out of a jam? I hope so :( What was the most embarassing thing you’ve had to buy? I still get a bit embarrassed buying pads. and also underwear when there’s a guy cashier LOL i’m so stupid Have you ever tried to balance the light switch between off and on? Haha yep Do you believe in ghosts / supernatural occurences? No, i never had any experience with them luckily Have you ever mistaken a person’s gender? I’m sure but they never knew about it What was the most expensive thing you’ve broken? My phone Has anyone texted you yet today? Yes Did you stay calm during the whole swine flu scare? I think i did, but i remember getting the shots in school and being scared af Is there a light on in the room you’re currently in? Yes Are your feet touching the floor? My left foot is Have you ever been in a car accident? No, luckily Do you usually make back-up plans? Yep Can you focus well in high-stress situations? NO, definitely no Without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes? They’re pretty long and i love them, if they were darker i would never wear mascara again Is there a kind of music you listen to that helps you release your anger? I don’t listen to music when i’m angry Are you one of those people who keep their feelings bottled up? Yeah Is one of your friends extremely odd but you love them regardless? She’s weird in the nicest way possible Is there anyone you dread going into public with? No Are you a victim of writing run-on sentences? I have no idea what that means Graffiti: an art or an act of vandalism? There’s amazing ones and then the stupid ones lol. like there’s factor area near my neighborhood with AMAZING looking graffitis on the walls, they looks so nice Do you buy things online? Sometimes, i did order bunch of underwear couple days ago lol Are you easily frightened? I’m afraid of lot of things but i don’t get jumpy? like jumpscares are lame hahah Do you have a favorite model? Gigi and Bella Hadid are gorgeous. Also Gaspard Ulliel is the definition of perfect tbh Have you ever watched Titanic? Yep What’s your current facebook display picture of? I’m not on facebook, seriously every survey assumes i am lol How about your IM display picture? It’s of me Is there anyone whose hair you envy? My therapist’s lmao, she has long, blonde and silky hair Would you act in a movie if it offered a role? No, i was like 7 years old when i attended this movie camp where we made bunch of short movies and then we watched them in the end of the camp and I CRINGED SO FUCKING HARD AT MYSELF LMAO like i was so bad and i haven’t gotten any better since then Does speaking in front of people make you nervous? YES, school presentations are the worst. literally everytime in grade school i had one there was this one motherfucker who just had to yell something about me having to speak up Can you read in a moving vehicle or does it make you sick? I don’t read in vehicles because of that reason Have you ever dated someone who was extremely shy? Not really, i wouldn’t have called him shy Or have you dated someone who took things too fast? Mmm yes Does the idea of driving 220 mph sound exciting to you? Nope Everyone has a weakness, what’s yours? Good dancers, lol Do you or anyone you know have an account on Deviantart? I don’t and i don’t think anyone i know has one Thoughts on the Dunkin Donut commercial that says “America runs on Dunkin’”? I don’t know that commercial Do you bother buying movies on DVD anymore or do you just download them? I buy movies on DVD still, yes Do you listen to Daughtry? No Do you get your eyebrows waxed? No, i pluck them

How do you take your coffee? With milk If you have a dog, what breed is it? I don’t Have you found someone who makes you unconditionally happy? I guess so Do you have a friend who always seems to be dying their hair? She has dyed her hair in the past couple times, but now she just has her natural color Would you swap names with a friend? Sure, but i’m happy with mine Do you plan on going to university? I don’t think so Guys who wear muscle shirts, yes or no? I had to google this and i got two different kinds of results, so i have no idea which muscle shirt are you talking about. anyway you can wear whatever you want pretty much Are you a fan of Carrie Underwood? I know about her but not any of her songs, so no Do you make playlists on iTunes? I don’t use iTunes Have you ever forgotten someone’s birthday? My friend’s birthday this year and i felt SO FUCKING BAD Are you scared of being left behind? Yes Do you remember your last dream? No. i never do Do you know someone who is an obsessed Star Wars fan? No one obsessed

Is politics something you don’t care about? I don’t care about it that much, no What’s a movie/tvshow/book/series that is way overrated? I can’t think of any Do you think Barbie presents an unhealthy image to young girls? It’s not a realistic looking doll but does it really have to, it’s just a toy Is there a pet that you desperately want? Not anymore, i have two lovely cats Would you ever get your bellybutton pierced? I already did Are you musically talented? No Have you ever shot a gun? No Do you have a friend that always changes their mind last second? No Are you not afraid to voice your opinion? Yep, that’s me Are you one of those people who are always pushing their limits? Not really lol Is there a word that you will always find humorous? A lot of finnish words

Do you frown upon immature people? Idk Have you ever slipped on ice and hurt yourself? I have slipped many times but never hurt myself badly Do you try to have an intimidating impression? I guess, try is the key word tho Living in the big city or chilling in the country? City No one seems to obey the legal drinking age, do they? Haha no Do you like your country’s flag? Yeah i like the color combination. other than that it’s kinda meh Have you ever made a totally amazing snow fort? Not an amazing one Do you use Bounty Paper Towels? I don’t know them, are they like coconut scented lmao Are you the one usually behind the camera or the one in the picture? Behind If you get married, will you have a traditional wedding? Sure Do you feel you’re slowly losing one of your friends? Tbh it kinda feels like that now If you draw, what’s one thing you always have trouble with? Just everything Is there someone you know moving away any time soon? Probably my sister, but she’s not so sure yet Allergic to anything? Penicillin How many cars have you owned? Zero What are you going to do after this? Going to brush my teeth and wash my face and go to bed

#survey #surveys

0 notes

tube-thoughts-blog · 7 years

Text

tube thoughts vol. 5

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star- dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

Hanna-Barbera present Hillbilly Bears - "Woodpecked" *To stop Maw from nagging his lazy ass, Paw hatches a plan that involves hooking two woodpeckers up, only it backfires, when their screwing reproduces.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: "The Robot versus The Aztec Mummy" *Bring me the head of Montezuma, and make it snappy. MOOVVIIEE SIGGGGNNNNN!* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 2 stars without

Scare Tactics: ---- *Gorilla with a Fist: A slacker goes apeshit during an animal rights activist holdup at a crazy testing lab.* 2 1/2 stars

Anger Mis-Management: Aggression therapy gone wrong.* 2 stars

Fear Antics - The Mandroid: An idiot is convinced to act like a robot and wishes he hadn't when a slow thinking human goes crazy with a crowbar.* 3 stars

World's Scariest Flowers/Smell of Fear: A stalker's special delivery.* 3 stars

----

I'm Alan Partridge: The Talented Mr. Alan *"I was repellant, to women, for two years."* 3 stars

The Prisoner -- 1967 - 1968 -- "Arrival" *A Brit spy awakens in a sickly serene and isolated village from which there is no escape or cerebral evasion.* 3 stars

Shock 'Em Dead (Traci Lords) *A pizza slicin', and always being picked on, poindexter succumbs to the temptation of glowing green goo voodoo in order to become a 'rock god' in a prissy 80's hair-band.* 2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Judy Miller Come On Down *A bitchy yuppy's boulevard of boring dreams.* 1/2 a star *Gameshow good fortune forces a 'days of future past' visitation experience.* 2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax presents J.J. Ambrams "Lost" (pilot episode) *"When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout."* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without, and zero stars for the vomit vision use of shaking camera

Hanna-Barbera present Jonny Quest: Arctic Splashdown *The team travel to the North Pole to play around with whales, seals, walruses, and the coca cola polar bears. They also try to stop a Ruskie submarine crew from tampering with a crashed, in the ice, rocket.* 3 stars

"Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" *I was a stubborn human, refusing to give "Rise" a fair chance. I wanted humans, in ape costumes, acting ape. "Dawn" is smarter, and more well made, than any modern "Apes" movie has any right to be. Also, the scene where the villain ape rides horseback, through flames, firing twin machine-guns, during an all out ape-assault, on the human stronghold fortress is the most fun, and satisfying, thing that I've seen, in one of these "Apes" movies, since I first witnessed apes, on horseback, net a fleeing savage-human in the Charlton Heston' "Apes" classic.* 3 stars

Stargate -- Atlantis: "Rising" *Cracking through the ice to find the ancient city of the 'Gate Builders.' Genetically dialing into the unknown. Angels with ugly appetites.* 3 stars

Z Nation: Die, Zombie, Die... Again *Zombie Groundhog Day* 1 star

The Mothman Prophecies *An "It's A Wonderful Life" George Bailey type sad-sack goes chasing a shadowy figure through his own personal Unsolved Mysteries story.* 3 stars

Rifftrax presents "Paranormal Activity" 2007 *Uninspired. for the immature,'shock' end similar to those trick internet videos where a Linda Blair face pops up and screeches when you're staring at something bland for a while.so uncreative that it's more of a threat to the art of filmmaking than digital piracy.* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1/2 a star without

Swamp Thing: Spirit of the Swamp *Green thumb for a black rose.* 2 1/2 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Challenge of the Wizards *A wacky race, on horseback and roadwarrior vehicles, through a destroyed sin city, for the prize of the ultimate wizard's helmet.* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story -- Freakshow: "Pink Cupcakes" *Small screen jealousy. Picnic poisoning attempt. Girl with a goober gynecological visit. Gay bar American Psycho. Strongman finger torture. Missing maid's daughter. Lobster Boy looking for true love. Morbidity fame dreams. More David Bowie.* 3 stars

Bob Clampett's "Beany and Cecil" 1962 *"Your obedient serpent" a cartoon dragon handpuppet searches for a treasure in goldfish, solves an illegal eagle's bald shame, and screws up looking after the taco bell dog. Complete with commercials for Chatty Cathy, Matty Mattel, and Casper dolls, along with a Beany toy helicopter hat, plus the kid from 'Lost in Space' gets his own Dick Tracy official snub-nose revolver and tommy-gun (so realistic, modern parents' groups would be up in arms, ha.)* 3 stars

Silent Hill: Revelation *Ned Stark, and his bastard, try to protect Alice from underland. Flawed, but a better frightmare than its cousin series, Resident Evil.* 2 stars

Dr. Caligari 1989 *New-Wave Psycho-Sexual DADA Expressionism* 3 stars

Max Headroom --pilot episode-- "Blipverts" *Network 23's hotshot reporter is serious about getting a story, even if the higher ups are willing to snuff him out to stop it. That story being that subliminal sales messages cause slovenly viewers to suddenly 'splode.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: "Mad Monster" *Long in the tooth, and low on thrills, tale of a lobo named Petro.* 2 stars with riffing 1 1/2 without

Amityville 2: The Possession *Building on burial ground. Basement from hell. Blasphemy. Bad ideas coming from the voice in the headphones. Big, mean daddy. Bad parenting. Beating the kids. Blessing a bloody bed. Bellybutton penetration. Body horror. Bad touch with sister. Blue confession. Black mood birthday. Bullets for loved ones. Batshit defense in court. Bureaucracy of the church. Boy saved by sacrifice. Being forsaken.* 3 stars

Heart She Hollers: And So It Begends *The "Boss" of a grotesque backwoods town tries to continue to micro-manage from beyond via a surreal video-will and his idiot son that he kept secretly bricked up until now.* 2 1/2 stars

"Born Innocent" (Linda Blair) *Cold, mechanical 'justice' for juveniles. Few caring influences. Peers that are jealous hurtful monsters. Disinterested or damaging parental figures. Yearning and underdeveloped 'wards' of whoever is forced to deal with them, and it's unfortunately a system drained of any constructive compassion or intelligent humanity.* 3 stars

Town of the Living Dead: *Zombie Baby: The crew think they have a great idea, a zombie baby (rolls eyes). And they keep screwing up the gross birth scene and nervous kiss scene.* 1 star *Stunt-Double: The chubby mama's boy can't be thrown out of a window, so... a black guy has to take the plunge, instead.* 1 star

The Walking Dead: Self Help *Abraham scares people. He scares his family into fleeing from him, in a flashback, resulting in their deaths. He's about to commit suicide when he meets Eugene and finds his new purpose in life. Eugene needs to watch Abraham and Rosita have sex. He also needs people to believe he's smart. It's been tearing at him and he must confess his dark secret, but this might tear Abraham, and everyone else in the group, apart.* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues --pilot episode-- "Station" *Happy go lucky until it gets heavy and hits with a hard left hook.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Drive-In: The New Kids *Two orphaned army brats go to live at their uncle's rundown carnival/petting zoo in backwoods Florida where a gang of good ole boys (lead by a creepy James Spader), who won't take no for an answer, decide to make their lives a living hell. Hicksploitation from the creator of the original Friday the 13th.*3stars

William Friedkin's "The Guardian" *A wood nymph (is that what she is?) who frolics & forest bathes nude. A killer tree, like from Evil Dead, that rips people apart. Fairytale like wolves devouring human flesh. Nice modern architectured home. Beautiful wind cinematography like an Andrei Tarkovsky film. Skinemax levels of eroticism. Hansel & Gretel. Hand That Rocked the Cradle. Jeep Wrangler to the rescue. A little ham-fisted. Fun gore fx.* 2 1/2 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: Legacy of Terror *For a year, Erik Estrada's character, PEPE, gets to hangout in a high-end hotel, play a flute, and be pawed over by beautiful blondes. That is if he willingly sacrifices his heart to an Aztec mummy. The fifth sacrifice in an every fifty two year ritual where the heroic are skewered so the blood god will someday rise again.* 2 1/2 stars

Sam Raimi's "Darkman" *Liam Neeson channels Lon Chaney & Boris Karloff doing Tex Avery & Chuck Jones cartoon stunts meets a macabre moody Bruce Timm & Paul Dini cartoon story in one of the first truly good comic style movies.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Corner of the Eye *A dying priest, suffering from demonic visions, is all out of bubblegum, and patience, with his alien overlords, even though they've given him a seemingly miraculous gift.* 2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax presents: The Bermuda Triangle -1978- *"Annoying sounds and boring repeatitive visuals, Bermuda Triangle, you spoil me."* 3 stars with riffing 1 1/2 stars without

Adult Swim, Newsreaders: *Motorboating Dads: Bros give parental advice for sons.* 2 stars *The Negative $100,000 Question: Smug,unfunny Children's Hospital"celebrity."* zero stars

The Simpsons: Itchy & Scratchy *"So television is responsible!" For the problems with the youth, today, that is. Ahead of its time in pointing out how media protests groups are misguided, could be making better use of their time, and hypocritical. Though it doesn't go easy on the media, either, which is why shows like Simpsons & South Park can be such good satires.* 3 stars

"Wavelength" 1983 *Sublime, stranded and subdued Navi 'children' send out strong signals that they'd like to unobtain our stringent hospitality in this low fi sci fi forgotten classic.* 3 stars

Town of the Living Dead: Zombie Fun Run *The town asses (Thr33 Days Dead) organize a run-from-zombies-a-thon, and the town's assclown (Ben Farley) causes one of the town's jackass mascots (a mule statue) to get ran over, leading to the town's asshole authorities going out and catching Thr33 Days Dead with their pants down and their ass hanging out when they ask them to stop being a zombie pain in the ass all over town and ban them from filming in Jas(s)per.* 2 stars

Twin Peaks: The Path to the Black Lodge *"We are all God's fools, more or less, but you will learn, as I have, the value of hate."* 3 stars

Joseph Zito & Tom Savini present "The Prowler" 1981 --Veteran's Day Movie-- *I'll be seeing you in all the old, familiar places that this heart of mine embraces... I'll be looking at the moon, but I'll be slashing you... and pitchforking too...* 3 stars

Chuck Jones' "Yankee Doodle Cricket" *Call it macaroni* 2 1/2 stars

Sam Peckinpah's "The Osterman Weekend" *A cynical, Cold War, conniving version of 'The Big Chill.'* 3 stars

"Thr33 Days Dead" (Why not two e letters instead of two of the number 3? It doesn't look 'cool' and it becomes possible to mistake the title for a 'The 33 Days Dead,' at a glance.) *Plague of the 'People of Walmart'* 2 1/2 stars (It's more entertaining than Birdemic) or 1 1/2 stars (It's almost as poorly made as Birdemic) ---(((this movie is just asking to be riffed by rifftrax)))---

Scare Tactics------------ season 2 episode 6 *: A plumber's helper stumbles onto (Silence of the Lamb's) Buffalo Bill's messy bathroom secret.* 3 stars

*: "Are you kidding me, bro?... WTF, bro?..." Late night, middle of nowhere, construction site, strange cult terrorizing a bro scenario.* 2 1/2 stars

*: "You got me trippin'... I watch 'shit' on t.v." A goofy girl gets going- going- gone, when Mummyhotep begins to step.* 2 1/2 stars

*: A telekinetic tween's tantrum.* 2 stars

----------------------------------------------------

X Files ---pilot episode--- *A logical, lady FBI agent gets assigned to keep tabs on the guy, in the basement, lurking in the unexplained phenomena cases.* 3 stars

Bizarre Foods -- Ireland: Ancient Bog Butter *Waxing poetic over 3,000 year old marsh gunk.* 2 1/2 stars

A Return to Salem's Lot --1987-- *Diverges, almost entirely, from the mood and suspense of Tobe Hooper's Salem's Lot. I don't even see this as being the same Salem's Lot setting as that first tv movie. That one was quirky, to an extent, but this one is really quirky. It's a Larry Cohen style (It Lives & The Stuff) 'American Gothic' fatherhood/son struggle and a secret society / corrupt small town stake to the heart of a movie. Featuring a young Tara Reid as a Lucy Westerena type, an old bitter Jewish man as a nazi hunter turned Van Helsing, and a cultural anthropologist who ironically has to try to destroy one of the oldest fabled civilizations.* I give it between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Swamp Thing: Blood Wind *A mason jar filled with murderous moonshine mist that puts everyone in a killer rage. Mr.Butterfingers, Swamp Thing, accidentally lets the lid off of it to hilarious results. The craziest, best episode yet.* 3 stars

Farscape: DNA Mad Scientist *On a rock, covered with giant dinosaur bones, floating in a cold corner of space, a grotesque menagerie of lab workers now serve one of their experiments gone wrong. A stilt stepping, kinky outfit wearing, feline-esque Dr. Frankenstein seeks out all the best traits of every living creature, in the known universe, in order to further advance its own twisted evolution.* 3 stars

BBC All Watched Over By Machines of Loving Grace: Love and Power *The speculative power of computer systems versus the supreme success of global forces like the Chinese. The desires of self superior people like Ayn Rand versus the so called weak and in need. Also, for some reason, a lot of looking back at Monica Lewinsky on her knees.* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story -- Asylum -- "Welcome to Briarcliff" *There are none so blind as those who will not willingly receive electroshock treatment and give morning confessional.* 2 1/2 stars

Bob & Margaret: A Tale of Two Dentists *Neglecting needs of his customers and wife leads to Bob losing them both, and both being diddled by a bogus dentist & real looney known by the alias Harry Ramsbottom.* 3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge: "The Colour of Alan" *"I am happy. That may vwwewy wewwl be because I'm on morphine."* 3 stars

Paranormal State: Season 1 Episode 5 *A shaken teen girl, from Sin City, is seeing the scarred and strangled spirit, of a San Antonio teen girl, who died around the same age as she is during the paranormal state investigation of the situation.* 2 1/2 stars

Stephen King's 'Kingdom Hospital' season 1 episode 2 *"Inside the skull is another universe. The strangest, scariest haunted house of them all." Or in Lars Von Trier's and Stephen King's cases, a silly sausage factory featuring surgeons with unzipped flys, creepy ice cream man demons, aardvark assassins, and candle light dinners in the morgue.* 3 stars

--- Hanna-Barbera --- Hillbilly Bears: "Modern Inconvenience" *Paw gets mangled by Maw's flirtation with the new-fangled.* 3 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Valley of the Man-Apes *To protect the village of the Lollipop Guild, a group of stinky simians must be stopped from reassembling an abandoned movie studio's animatronic King Kong.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's 'Drive-In Theater' presents "The First Power" *Another dime-a-dozen body hopping demonic serial killer thriller. Lou Diamond Phillips' idea of playing a hardboiled detective is to pass an unlit cigarette between his lips and his fingers, constantly, and to wear a heavy, black trenchcoat, during the heat of the day, in downtown Los Angeles. The Richard Ramirez type, "Pentagram Killer," has satanic powers of a super human variety. Also, a lot of side characters' stunt doubles doing unintentionally comedic acrobatics and kicks to the groin.* 2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Women of the Prehistoric Planet *Time paradoxes. Stereotype sneaky "Japs." Toasted thunder-lizard. Rubber snake attack. Tropical set design studio setting. Rodney Dangerfield wannabe comic relief. Death by "plush toy" hopping spider on a wire. A boy, 'all alone,' named Tang. Blue Lagoon romance picnic. Red hiney monkey. Racist astronaut shoots the first minority he sees. Feel good ending where the two minority lovebirds are abandoned, by the spaceship, on a paradise planet, with an extremely active volcano and killer cavemen.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star w/out

Hanna-Barbera -- Jonny Quest: The Curse of Anubis *Hadji's Hindu whack a mole magic, flute serpent charming, and Jonny's motorscooter camel-jockey skills help stop a doomed thief from uniting the Arab world against the West via insinuation involving iconography and superstition.* 3 stars

Sam Raimi's "The Quick and the Dead" *Vengeance is mine, said the Lady to the Lord. A Sharon Stone western shouldn't work, but it does.* 3 stars

Space Rage: Breakout on Prison Planet --1985-- *There aren't any spaceships firing at each other in asteroid storms, though there is a arcade asteroids machine in a bar. This is a space frontier, corrupt penal/mining colony western. There are no laser blasters, only traditional western handguns, shotguns, and rifles. Replacing spaceships are dunebuggies. Replacing an otherworldly planet is the California desert. There's a great, constantly playing, punk-western soundtrack, and Richard Farnsworth, Michael Pare, and John Laughlin are badass as usual.* 2 1/2 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Sympathy for the Devil *Harmonica playing, mystical gem having, ageless child of evil -who needs to be and deep down wants to be put at rest.* 3 stars

Transformers: Fire in the Sky *Christmas/New-Ice-Age in July, when the Decepticon grinches try to turn the earth's core into a cold day in hell. Luckily for earth and the Autobots, an unfrozen, gigantic robot makes the right decision and sacrifices itself for its love of science and all creatures, including humanity.* 3 stars

South Park: The Magic Bush *"Jennifer Lawrence's butthole didn't take a picture of itself."* 2 1/2 stars

Comic Book Men: Brony Con *Grumpy forty-something comic nerds attempt a Vaudeville two-man horse act at a convention for twenty-something male hipster fans of a little girls' pony cartoon.* 2 stars

Adult Swim ==off-the-air== "Seramthgin" *Nightmarishly surreal art video garbage played, mostly, in reverse.* 2 1/2 stars

Z Nation: Going Nuclear *Citizen Z's paddle ball dexterity. Mt. Rushmore defaced. Glow in the dark zombies. Stealth until a zombie alert fart. Radiation sickness. Stopping a nuclear meltdown in the Black Hills. Twirling, Donatello-esque ninja staff that's actually a really long handled hoe. Hazmat suits & ammo. Radio controlled drone robot named Robbie who has a lazer cutter for mowing down zombies. Fueling up on vodka. Fleeing from fallout in a small aircraft and of course crashing. Citizen Z 'checks' zombiepedia (lame joke.) Zombie sign language? Murphy wearing a little girls' pink & cute spikes backpack. Zombie puppy love. What really is mercy?* 3 stars

--- Paul W.S. Anderson's "Soldier" starring Kurt Russell

*Thematically like Stallone's 'First Blood' mixed with Terminator 2 and other outerspace and post-apocalyptic genre movies.

Finger painted in the most broad, obvious, hack ways possible.

Supersoldier has never seen a pretty lady, so he daydreams about the one time he saw her nipples under her shirt.

Supersoldier is suffering ptsd, so he freaks out over Santa at Christmas party.

Supersoldier doesn't know how to deal with kids, so he tries to teach a kid to bash a poisonous snake's brains out.

Supersoldier is feeling sad for the very first time, so we zoom in close up on a tear streaming down his face.

Supersoldiers need to be tested, American Gladiator competition is orchestrated.

Married couple is getting romantic on a planet with limited supplies and garbage everywhere, hundreds of lit candles love scene.

Thin mustached military commander villain's gotcha moment is pissing down his pants leg in fear...*

1 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------------------

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "The Stepfather" *There were no real Freddy Kruegers running around in suburbia, in the 80s, but there were actually psychos like this. A Fox News fan type dad is a little too into 50s era family "perfection," and when things don't go his way, he heads down to the basement to beat on his workbench with a hammer, and when he can't take it anymore, he heads upstairs and bangs on the family with the hammer. When he's done there, he catfishes the "perfect" next family.* 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: Cupid's Quiver *When you're skeezy, it's love made easy. The poor, wretched bastard, in this one, oozes, and then drips desperation from his every pore.* 3 stars

ABC's Selfie: A Little Yelp From My Friends *I expected this to be another obnoxious sitcom like Big Bang Theory or 2 Broke Girls, but it's more like Ally McBeal. A real bait and switch. The topic as it has been thrown out there in the media would make one think it would be about a total social media whore with constant references to current social pop culture, but it's really more of a show about a pathetic weirdo and her bizarre, unsocial behavior, and the one genuine person (Harold from Harold & Kumar) who actually cares about helping her cross that bridge back into the real world.* 2 1/2 stars

E! Total Divas: The Double Cross *One diva trades her vibrator for a date with an NFL hunk. Another diva gets jealous when her man's (pro wrestler John Cena) ass is going to be shown in a movie love scene. Also, at a movie premier for a comedy flick, starring the twin divas, the big muscled pro-wrestler puts on a blue monkey suit, and the butt and breast implant diva, along with her man, sit stoned-faced during a supposedly funny scene. Odd and insipid reality show trash.* zero stars

MTV's True Life: I Have A Strange Phobia *One Italian-American young man can't even pee in a public restroom. He has to get in his car, get on the freeway, and drive all the way home and scrub the toilet with cleaner and antibacterial products before the act. (Why not pee outside, in public, behind a dumpster or building or car? It's not really polite behavior, but it would save the trouble of going home and cleaning. And, why not just aim really well when you pee at home or not care if you pee on the seat?) The next, unfortunate, case is about a young woman who is deathly afraid of pigeons. I think there's some other attention issues there, or maybe a bit of deceit going on where the girl just wanted to get on MTV.* 2 stars

American Horror Story -- Murder House -- "Murder House" *As much a love letter to true crime history of Los Angeles as it is a ghost story. And the haunted people and haunts themselves have more personality and poignancy than most ghost stories.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Under the Bed *A child psychologist struggles with a cryptozoology related child abduction.* 2 1/2 stars

The Walking Dead: Consumed *Getting the drop on crash test dummies.* 3 stars

Adult Swim --fake infomercials-- "Smart Pipe" *Taking smartphone app use to its inevitable pinnacle by having the waste management of the world's pipes turned into an opportunity to scan shit and then use that information to in turn sale more shit to the masses.* 3 stars

Squidbillies: Sheriff-in-Law *Daddy don't come around here anymore, and we're all glad he doesn't.*3 stars

MTV's "Slednecks" episode b (b because the "writers" were lazy) *Bros go Go-Go dancing. 4 wheel drive pickup truck versus airboat in a tug o war match. Drunk skanks pissing in the snow. Feeding buttered toast to the wildlife. Tundra wookies at tha club. You know, typical Alaska stuff. Saddening that this kind of stupidity is going on in one of the last frontiers. I've never more wanted a moose to kill someone since back in the day when Fox would air those 'When Animals Attack' videos.* zero stars

American Horror Story: Freakshow -- "Bullseye" *Desert butterflies* 2 1/2 stars

Game of Thrones --Season 3-- Episode 2-- *Lions, piggies, crows, wolves, and a hound.* 3 stars

USA network's --Chrisley Knows Best-- "Jugs and Ammo" *Boob cake for 100 dollars. Boob job for your daughter 30,000 dollars. Protecting your sixteen year old beauty pageant girl's "vag of honor" untold dollars. Making your redneck son-in-law uncomfortable because he thinks that you're a closet homosexual is priceless.* either zero stars or 2 1/2 stars

Animal Planet's --Finding Bigfoot-- "Turtleman's Bigfoot" *for some unknown reason, MSNBC's Rachel Maddow and 30 Rock's "Bobo" travel to Kentucky to holler hunt a primate with Jim Varney's nephew Ernie the "Turtle Man."* 2 stars

rifftrax presents The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers *Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew. Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew. Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without

Adult Swim -- "Too Many Cooks" *Never ending 80s tv theme song intro video parody turned massacre.* 3 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: The Knightly Murders *Balefully back, from the Black Ages, with a big axe to grind.* 2 1/2 stars

Gargoyles: Temptation *Goliath's former piece-of-tail tries to put him back under her spell.* 3 stars

Stargate --Atlantis-- "Hide and Seek" *You're not yourself when you're hungry, or an energy entity. Eat a Snickers, and be like Doug Flutie.* 2 1/2 stars

"The Babadook" *Illustrating one's insecurities into isolation, insomnia, and insanity.* 3 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Saturday Night Special *Yuppy dating schemes and dreams come apart at the seams.* 1 1/2 stars *Springwood beautification project leaves a plain jane feeling numb.* 2 stars

South Park: Freemium isn't Free *Temptation. Addiction. Boring Gaming. Gambling. Micro-Transactions. Trendy drinking. Denial drinking. Pussy advertising. The Prince of Canada. The Canadian Devil.* 2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Loved to Death *More than a minute of seeing man-sized-shaped Mariel Hemingway in lingerie is like an eternity in hell.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Drive-In presents "Night Angel" *So bad it's good, succubus-slasher softcore-skinemax-style flick.* 1 1/2 stars

Hillbilly Bears: Courtin' Disaster *Haltin' hatin' the Hoppers, like they's was Hatfields, in hopes of havin' Hottiebear hitched.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics --Season 2-- episode 7 *Meat locker scab wishes he hadn't swept the salt off the floor after he meets the one armed mangler who had the job before.* 2 stars *"Pretty big, probably around 5 foot 9 or 6 foot 2" webcam show babehouse psycho slasher that ruins a horny, dumb guy's first night on the peep job.* 3-stars *Digging a hole, in the desert, for a lazy mobster.* 2 stars *Poltergeist -heather o'rourke- style closet scare* 2 1/2 stars

Paranormal State season 1 episode 6 *This haunted place is for the dogs...* 3 stars

"Intruders" CBS 1992 *Abductee: I was taken aboard a spaceship, by little grey men, and experimented on. / Psychologist: No, you were molested, in a barn, by your cousin.* 3 stars

American Horror Story -- Freakshow -- "Test of Strength" *"Come as you are" as ruined by the folks from GLEE. Strong Man vs. Amazon Lady. You're my dad, dad. Earl (Dell) had to die - Carnival Dixie Chix. Two-Headed blackmail. Dreadful Penny. Penny's dreadful dad. Tattoo nightmare. Dandy not feeling dandy. Surgeon suicide. Blonde ambition makeover.* 2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Crawling Hand *"Eat, drink, and be merry. Tomorrow, you die." Then, it's all fingerwalking on the darkside, you dig?* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 stars without

Jonny Quest: Pursuit of the Po-Ho *Lost tribe lunar sacrifice lunacy.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: Grotesquery *A case of toxic swamp ass lands ST in a two-bit big top, where it's all soggy tater chips and being caged while being poked with a stick with the rest of the misbegotten misfits.* 2 stars

"The Shuttered Room" 1967 *Hostile Arkham homecoming. Where the isolated islanders hold strong to ignorant superstition, when they're not trying to tear someone to shreds.* 3 stars

Z Nation: Sisters of Mercy *Survivors of a Utah Mormon "sisters wives" style society form a militant lesbian ladies only cult. No "Ah, not the bees!" moment or bearsuit disguise, but similar to Nic Cage's predicament. Story focuses on the two least interesting characters, the crazy redhead chick and her wannabe boyfriend, and not enough Murphy moments, though his getting "pie" scene is hilarious. False advertisement with the unfortunately underused zombie bear. I was hoping that it would maul the Sisters of Mercy.* 2 stars

Phantasm 3: Lord of the Dead *A Home Alone orphan vigilante brat and a Grace Jones / Pam Grier -esque kung fu sista join Reggie to fight Return of the Living Dead style zombies with attitude. The actors playing Mike & Jody almost seem out of place in their own series, but Reggie excels in a more Sam Raimi plus Bruce Campbell horror-comedy environment. I think I figured out who the Tall Man is supposed to represent, Sam Walton, the founder of WalMart.* 2 1/2 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Stalker from the Stars *It twas a simple sinus sniffle twitch kill't the strigoli at that snowy eskimo carnival.* 3 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Heavy Metal Queen *ride the lightning and chase the thunder with a prairie oyster.* 3 stars

The Prisoner: The Chimes of Big Ben *There's not enough hours in the day to sail away. So, pick up a required hobby.* 3 stars

Max Headroom: Rakers *Taking a stand against mindless television violence with a sport of "refined aggression." Risking everything professionally for a personal bond of obligation with an estranged and wreckless loved one.* 2 1/2 stars

Larry Cohen's "The Ambulance" 1990 starring Eric Roberts *A sinister old school style ambulance stalks the streets of NYC picking up sick people and then not taking them to the hospital but instead to an insane doctor who experiments on them and sells them to shady medical labs. Spooky.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Adult Swim's "Sit Down and Shut Up" --pilot episode-- *animated with the whimsy of nickelodeon or cartoon network kids cartoons but with the right amount of offensive humor for the slacker 3am audience.* 2 stars

SyFy's "Ascension" --preview-- 'Building the World' *Nice to see SyFy actually spending some money on a show's elaborate production.* 3 stars

CMT's "Redneck Island" Dec 2014 -season preview-

with host "Stone Cold" Steve Austin *"I wouldn't even introduce you to my dawg! MY DAWG, YA HEAR!"* 1 star

Hill Street Blues: Presidential Fever *A matter of pride. Two partners struggle with the distance between each other after being shot on duty. An undercover gets 'ruff' with rape suspects. Lady attorney holds her own with police chief lover. Gangleaders precinct meeting to hold a truce during Presidential visit. NYPD Blue's David Caruso as a top-hat wearing Irish gangbanger. Hick cop hassles the wrong barrio & almost goes vigilante to heal a wounded ego.* 3 stars

"Open House" 1987 starring Adrienne Barbeau *John Tesh is trying to reason with a rabid dog when Charles Bronson walks up and shoots it between the ears. Los Angeles, the land of broken dreams. there's only so many options for the down on their luck to vent. one is to call in crazy to the talk radio stations. another is to act like an obnoxious slob. then, there's the nutbags who'd like to find absurdly creative ways to kill the chippy sales people of that broken dream.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Crawling Eye *Slight fever in the Swiss Alps, with cyclops brainball tentacle aliens who like things frigid and hate telepaths.* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star without

X Files: Deep Throat *Aim high, in the Air Force, and be an alien spacecraft test pilot. Side effects may not be worth it. It's 2 the xtreme, says 90s stoner, Seth Green.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Dark Matters *Melodramatic ghost brother space catastrophe* 2 stars

Michael Crichton's "Runaway" 1984 starring Tom Selleck *Jargon, jargon, household robots gone haywire. Jargon, jargon, science dept. mustache cop. Jargon, jargon, spider assassin robots. Jargon, jargon, Gene Simmons techno-terrorist. Jargon, jargon, magic heat-seeking bullets. Jargon, jargon, vertigo-tinged thriller climax.* 2 1/2 stars

Joe Bob's Drive In Theater presents "Steel and Lace" *Willard's Bruce Davison creates a cyborg out of his sister, Shannon Tweed (Gene Simmons' long-time girlfriend), years after her suicide resulting from a non-conviction for a group of corporate buddies who raped her in an alley. The sexy cyborg seduces then performs gruesome fatalities on the slimeballs.* stars 2 1/2

Freddy's Nightmares: Sister's Keeper *Freddy turns the twin daughters, of the cop who was a thorn in his side in life, against each other.* 2 stars *Freddy is determined to make one of the twins an only child.* 2 1/2 stars

Hammer Films' "Vampire Circus" 1972 *A morose quarantine livened with a sanguinary shadow puppet sex show.* stars 3

American Horror Story -Asylum- "Tricks and Treats" *Sticky caramel on the mossy banks of a Stygian river.* 3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge: Brave Alan *"The worth of boast worlds."* 3 stars

Bob and Margaret: A Night In *Boring and barren, but better off than the dead.* 2 1/2 stars

All Watched Over By Machines of Loving Grace: The Use and Abuse of Vegetational Concepts *make like a tree and be a leaf / a cog in the machine or don't because it's a false belief.* 3 stars

"Dreamscape" 1984 *David Patrick Kelly is a creepier dream demon than Robert Englund.* 3 stars

South Park: Grounded Vindaloop *The boys try to figure out which one of them is actually stuck in virtual reality limbo. Real world Butters is cutely portrayed.* 3 stars

Squidbillies: Hybrid to Hell *"Hawt Rawkin' Santy Claus in a bubble globe."* 2 1/2 stars

Swamp Thing: Natural Enemy *ST beats science to the punch, when he swats and splats Beelzebub.* 2 stars

--- Scare Tactics -season 2 -episode 9

*Party van fails to take police warning and runs into vampire bikers on a desert highway.* 3 stars

*Hysterical hissie over a hybrid dwarf-critter.* 3 stars

*"You ever step on a landmine, before?" nervous and shaken response "Nah, I'm from Cleveland." 2 1/2 stars

*The show's new host, a Baldwin brother, is traumatized when he's not recognized after shedding the disguise of a scary mob boss.*

1 1/2 stars

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Paranormal State -season 1 -episode 7 *A cemetery caretaker stews and his wife claims to suffer after sticking in a hole, and covering with cement, an urn of unclaimed cremated remains that had sat on their shelf for years.* 2 stars

Insidious: Chapter 2 *That's not my husband. That's the spirit of a crossdressing serial killer. Again with the Ed Gein/Norman Bates mommy issues killer and somehow crossed with the crazy killer dad -like the Shining. Also, I could do without the lame antics and shaking camera ghosthunting of the two paranormal hipster nerds. Still, I very much enjoy the eerie astral projection limbo world.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: A Cup of Time *Old age is wasting the youth, when youth aren't wise enough not to drink from its cup.* 2 stars

The Walking Dead: Crossed *Rick Grimes used to be a cop. Emphasis on used to be. Now, he's cold blooded. Come to think of it, then again...* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story --Murder House-- "Halloween" *"find my nest of salt, everything is my fault... choking on the ashes of our enemies..."* close to 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Dead Right *It's a given that grotesque Jeffrey Tambor will gore gorgeous gold-digger Demi Moore.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Corpse Vanishes *"A cockeyed nightmare or a nighteyed cockmare?!"* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1/2 a star without

Tex Avery's "Jerky Turkey" 1945 *"Don't eat at Joe's"* 2 1/2 stars

"Thankskilling" 2009 *"No more pumpkin pie, no more cranberry sauce, just turkey..."* 1 star

Twin Peaks: Miss Twin Peaks *Which way to the castle? Where there's a key, there's always a lock. Fear and love open the door.* 3 stars

"Dreamchild" 1985 (with Jim Henson creature shop puppetry) *Ian Holm makes a better Jack from the Titanic, for Alice in Wonderland's elderly Alice, than Leo DiCaprio ever could. Also, Peter Gallagher is certainly more charming than Billy Zane. He's more of a sly weasel too.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones -Season 3 -episode 3 *"In the grave, there are no masters."* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Drive In Theater presents "Posed for Murder"

with special guest host Elvira *A generic softcore thriller about an adult magazine centerfold being stalked by a psychotic motorcycle glove and every meathead who wants to screw her. It's one of those bad movies where the lyrics of the songs, playing throughout, sync up with the on screen stupidity.* 1 1/2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Cutting Cards *Compulsive rivals go head to head til the last stump standing.* 2 1/2 stars

"Paradise" 1982 *A very Biblical man, Willie Aames, watches his parents get murdered by bandits, then flees and gets stranded with a beautiful maiden, Phoebe Cates, in a desert/tropical oasis where he sneaks peeks at her sinful nudity, tries to keep a chimpanzee from self pleasuring, destroys dirty medical texts, and tries to keep an Arab jackal from stealing his woman and deflowering her.* 2 stars

Farscape: They've Got A Secret *Space whale calf care is killing the crew, and crossbreeding with the empire's clone troopers is strictly forbidden and must remain emotionally hidden.* 2 1/2 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Waltz for Venus *Lacking one quality but heightening another's fluidity.* 3 stars

Hillbilly Bears: Stranger than Friction *monkeying around with hospitality can get ya head blown't off* 2 1/2 stars

Z Nation: Murphy's Law *Every ridiculous thing this show tries to do somehow works. Drug addicted zombies, check. Viagra sex zombies, check. Murphy having telepathic control over the infected, check. The most surprisingly effective show of the year. Each new episode is something new. Rarely boring or stagnant in an all too boring and stagnant apocalyptic / zombie / survival horror genre.* 2 1/2 stars

"Walking Tall" 1973 *Landmark hicksploitation with Buford on par with Leatherface in terms of legend. A yarn that satisfies in its visceral exaltation of justice, while still having enough subtext about the road of revenge being a ragged one.* 3 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: The Youth Killer *sucking the life out of the singles scene* 3 stars

USA Up All Night with Rhonda Shear presents

"Fright Night" 1980s version -------------------------------

*Necking with your girl while watching late night vampire horror hosted by a faux vampire slayer from such movies.

USA network has the world's hottest show 'Baywatch' five nights a week.

For the girls of paradise call 431 Girl at 2.50$ a minute.

Psychic Talk USA... are you astounded?

La Femme Nikita, Sunday Nights on USA the cure for the common show and the common boner.

Has your neighbor committed homicide? this horror obsessed kid thinks so.

Having a horrific mental breakdown? don't turn to the town Beavis for understanding.

99cent psychic encounters. It sounds dangerous. But damn affordable. 800 Predict. I predict that if you call, you'll be out 99cents.

Rhonda is at her wedding reception, where she's trying out two potential hubbies. One is a morose long haired artsy guy and the other is a big, fat cowboy with his big, fat mama who thinks that Rhonda has child bearing hips enough to produce fifteen younguns

"Someone knows their secret." I Know What You Did Last Summer, now playing in theaters everywhere.

back to the ‘’up all nite’’ movie,

the fearless vampire slayer gets fired from his job and vents on his hatred for 80s slasher monsters like Jason.

Apparently vampires yawn in the evening and are groggy when they take phone calls.

Stephen King's "Thinner" available now at videostores everywhere.

You never thought it possible, the Motorola Wordline Pager with streaming text updates in the palm of your hand in black and grey text. It will never get more advanced than this, says the 90s business professional yuppy.

No rules, no ring, no exit, and not place to hide 'Fighting Force' for the playstation.

The legend is here, the time is now, Chuck Norris is Walker Texas Ranger, weeknights on USA.

I'm all alone pick up the phone, sluts are standing by on another phone sex commercial.

Macho Man says REST IN PEACE and SNAP INTO A Slim Jim, OH YEAH! Halloween Havoc, Dig it!

Peter Vincent is like the Alan Partridge of the occult.

What do you do when a David Bowie type douche wants to do your girlfriend?

Hollywood's hottest stuntmen use bodyheat activated degree deodorant.

USA's Sunday Night Heat with Pacific Blue, Silk Stalkings, and The Big Easy. Turn it on and turn it up.

I miss sleazy USA network programming.

Magic the Gathering, all you need is a brain, a deck, and a friend, and an intact virginity.

Rhonda is a runaway bride when she realizes she doesn't have to be married to shop.*

3 stars

-----------------------------------------

Gargoyles: Deadly Force *"Movies, television, videogames...(sigh) it's hard to tell what's real anymore." A lesson about how our culture ignores the real drama of the consequences of gunplay.* 3 stars

Stargate - Atlantis - "Thirty Eight Minutes" *The perils of dealing with stubborn parasites, wormhole constipations, lifeboat malfunctions, and bruised egos.* 3 stars

Stephen King's "Kingdom Hospital" -season 1 -episode 3 *Solid cold oldies* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: The Conversion *The future's not ours, you see...* 2 1/2 stars

Max Headroom: Body Banks *Eternal sunshine of the sober mind that refuses to sell out to corporate swine who think they can harvest the poor & healthy in order to buy more time.* 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: 'Til Death *Fated to the fetid* 2 stars

Swamp Thing: Treasure *Little Jim has a long lost relative dying on his bathroom floor, a Swamp Thing trapped in his attic unable to sneak away, and an evil blonde beauty who wants to shoot him, or his mom, with a small pistol -if he doesn't cough up the location of stolen money hidden in a junkpile out in the swamp.* 3 stars

Jonny Quest: Riddle of the Gold *The smite of the tiger.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics -season 2 -episode 10 -------------------

*Cleaning the ham bones out of a creep's croc pond.* 2 1/2 stars

*Maids stumble onto a bloody, and active, crime scene.* 2 stars

*A ladies man looks at the wrong farmer's naked daughter.* 3 stars

*Carny folk forget and leave a horned dwarf troll in the walls of a rental home.* 2 1/2 stars

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Roger Corman presents "Streets" 1990 *For skid row kids, like Christina Applegate's homeless teenage prostitute character, it's a symbiotic game of staying ahead, and also in reach, of their constant pursuers and abusers, but sometimes the bleak circumstances highlighting the literal dead ends make it even more painful if a glimmer of hope happens to also be there.* 3 stars

American Horror Story - Asylum - "Nor'Easter" *Pontius Pilate wept at the end of E.T.* 3 stars

Paranormal State -season 1 -episode 8 *Remodeling the home of a early 20th century sawbones stirs spirits.* 2 stars

Bob and Margaret: Blood, Sweat, and Tears *stretching thinly to feel the burn and avoid the fine line of permanent injury in the process of healthy activity and friendly civility* 3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge: Never Say Alan Again *pass the Sunny D and STOP TALKING ABOUT AMERICAN THINGS!* 3 stars

X Files: Squeeze *Spooky versus mutie (aka mutant).* 3 stars

The Walking Dead: The Coda *Rick Grimes drives a hard bargain, but compromises and evasively dangerous behavioral maneuvers, of others involved, put everyone back on the road of loss.* 3 stars

House 3: The Horror Show -1989- *"An electricity of evil." Lance Henriksen is a straight current running parallel to an unsteady moronic shocker.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Mother's Day *You gotta fight or flight for your right to party with Fredddy.* 2 1/2 stars *Weepy Wendy can't get any affectionate attention from her radio shrink mom, a seriously Selfish Sherry.* 2 1/2 stars

Ultimate Scooters: Featuring the Hot Wheels Shocker -2000- *Video time capsule documenting how turn of the 21st century bro-men took to the streets, with tots, riding toy scooters.* 1 star

Popeye the Sailor Man: ----------

*Me Musical Nephews: Runts rockabye a restless Popeye.* headache inducing zero stars

*Spooky Swabs: Ghostly mutiny.* 3 stars

*Patriotic Popeye: Safe n' sane U.S. n' A. holiday or party explosives?* 2 stars

*Ancient Fistory: Disney Princess Cinderfella Queer Eye for the Popeye.* 2 stars

*Taxi-Turvy: Scat cab skidoo.* 3 stars

----------------------------------------------------------

Fleischer Studios presents Betty Boop: -------------------------

*Betty Boop's Crazy Inventions: Spunky sales pitch for quirky products.* 3 stars

*and the Little King: Calamity Betty* 2 1/2 stars

*Pudgy in Ding Dong Doggie: Hot doggy, Betty spank.* 2 1/2 stars

*Grampy in the Candid Candidate: Mayoral mishap calls for thinking cap.* 2 1/2 stars

*Language All My Own: Betty is super kawaii in the land of the rising sun.* 2 stars

*Grampy's Indoor Outing: homemade carnival play on a rainy day.* 2 1/2 stars

*Little Nobody: Stuck up pup and a blue ribbon baywatch doggy strut.* 2 1/2 stars

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Adult Swim --off the air-- "Worship" *vacation bible surreal* 2 stars

Squidbillies 96: How did my worm get in your taco? *Early en Espanol, an all american buttthole.* 3 stars

Tim & Eric, Bedtime Stories: The Bathroom Boys *Dragging the viewer into the toilet with the non-humor painful shits & giggles of Tim, Eric, Zach Galifianakis and surprise guest, the beautiful, cleaned, and dolled up Maggie from the Walking Dead.* between zero and 1 star

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Portal into Time *Apple 2 defender of the Alamo. Beastmaster 2 culture shock. Thundarr, Ariel, Ookla are Earth's mightiest Avengers. Volkswagen Beetle dragon. Ookla, a cookie monster. An escalator can never be broken, it can only become stairs, so said Mitch Hedberg. Terminator 2 style skynet tech heist. Finally, a first ever victory at the Alamo.* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: Politics as Usual *Bribery. blackmail. backstabbing. bargaining courts. boo-hooing. barking like a dog. busted. buttcheeks and butthole search. bathing lovemaking. break up.* 3 stars

Burn, Baby, Burn: Riots and Violence in the Modern World *unabashed ugliness* 1 star

Victor Salva's "The Nature of the Beast" 1995 starring Lance Henriksen & Eric Roberts-- *A serial killer plus a casino riches thief, both on the run, find homogeneity on a lost stretch of desert highway.* 3 stars

Paranormal State -season 1 -episode 9 *a spirit is shattering and nudging (the babypowder test, "thrilling") wine glasses in a, struggling to survive, sports bar.* 1/2 a star

The Outer Limits: Quality of Mercy *Hogan's Heroes meets Enemy Mine with an M. Night twist.* 2 1/2 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Jamming with Edward *A self activated spy sattelite is sad & lonely and so is a spunky hacker.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: New Acquaintance *Jim brings home a misunderstood stray, and ST resurrects a rabbit.* 2 1/2 stars

Shaw Brothers: Iron Chain Fighter (aka Assassin) *There are no bonds that chop sockey can't break.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones: -season 3 -episode 4 *Climbing and falling. Losing a hand. Handing over a legacy. Protecting the virtue of an innocent. Hungering for insurrection. Dispensing the light of justice. Burning a path for freedom.* 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: HELLOWE'EEN *The awful uncle seeks offal flesh to slip into back to life.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Three's A Crowd *cuckold anniversary surprise* 3 stars

American Horror Story --Murder House-- "Piggy Piggy" *Growing pains. Raw brains. Oinking angst.* 2 1/2 stars

BBC All Watched Over By Machines of Loving Grace: "The Monkey in the Machine and the Machine in the Monkey" *We humans are something like a phenomenon or perhaps maybe an automaton.* 3 stars

"Beyond the Black Rainbow" --2010-- *Timothy Leary has gone too far this time.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics: season 2 -episode 11 ---------------

*Family killer in a scarecrow disguise puts a young carpenter in concern.* 2 stars

*Gold chain necklace wearing "Dr. Jeff" doesn't want his "molecules heated up" in a mad scientist's The Fly -esque matter transport experiment.* 2 1/2 stars

*A greaseball is hired to clean up "red wine" stains for a Sopranos sausage and refuses to wear a wire for an undercover sting.* 2 1/2 stars

*Fear Antics: A wannabe actor, in a slasher prank, gets pushed over the edge.* 2 1/2 stars

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Paranormal State: Season 1 -episode 10 *A Native American coyote spirit / chaos critter is an unwanted housepest, for a rural Maine mom & visiting daughter, when its vortex in the backyard is disturbed. So, the team calls in some Native elders to do a ritual at the rocks around a hole on the property, and Christian psychic medium Chip Coffey tells the howling haunt to hit the road.* 2 1/2 stars

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