#recognizing privilege

[55555-555-5]

I got tagged by @changingandhealing to do a little picture board thing and I’m very excited to be included!

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I’m choosing @namidaass and @vibrantvoid to do this board if you would like to!

[thesummerestsolstice]

Only the elves really see Elrond as "half-elven." They focus, of course, on who he is in relation to them. He's sort-of an elf– enough that they can accept him into their society, but not enough to erase his differences. They understand the different parts of him– his propensity to get sick, his elvish-sharp hearing, his need for sleep, his immortality– as "elvish" or "not-elvish." And while they can be rather condescending about anything they see as "not-elvish," they aren't usually very curious.

Most men regard Elrond vaguely as a fae being. This isn't unique to him– much of Middle-Earth's changling and fairy stories were built on the strange human-and-not-human nature of half-elves. Of course, different humans regard them very differently– sometimes with respect, even reverence, believing that "fairies" are beings of great wisdom and knowledge. Others see them with suspicion and fear, viewing them as sources of danger and deception.

To the Numenorians, Elrond is just one of them– a kind of "immortal man." He is like them in several key ways– he gets ill, he needs sleep, he regards the passage of time in a very "human" way. More importantly, he is their kin, a living remnant and reminder of both their mythical founder and non-human blood they share. He acts as a healer and counselor when they need him. This is all well and good until some of them start thinking that if Elrond could make the choice to be immortal, surely they should be able to as well.

The dwarves see Elrond as an elf. They absolutely do not care enough to tell the difference between him and the others. He's immortal, he's always with a bunch of elves. He's an elf.

The Maiar do not really understand what Elrond is, and have kind of defaulting to seeing him as one of them but like, small. Look, they're all uncounted thousands of years old, he's a child to them. They dote on him and think he's adorable, but sometimes forget that he's also part-elf and part-human, and can't just drop his physical form whenever he likes to go be a disembodied spirit in the clouds. Gandalf encourages all their antics. Elrond is working on it.

(Contrary to popular belief, the average hobbit does not have any kind of opinion on Elrond Peredhel. Bilbo Baggins, who lives in his house and has written several long, extremely personal ballads about his family history, is a statistical outlier and should not have been counted.)

[carlyraejepsans]

genuinely you need to love the trans girls in your life with everything you have. love them until your heart bursts.

[genericpuff]

Lore Olympus just won the Eisner for Best Webcomic for a third year in a row.

The "Best Webcomic" award is now as much a joke as they clearly intended it to be. Pack it up, go home. There's no hope for us.

[angel---eater]

okay heres what were not gonna do about the upd8. were not gonna call for censorship. were not gonna pedojacket anyone, either the writers/artists or the fans who enjoyed the upd8, or fans who say that this was a good depiction of this particular trauma. we are not going to brush off and shut down the upd8 for making you feel bad nor are we going to call this depiction of abuse poorly handled simply because it made you specifically upset. its something thats upsetting to read about point blank. if youre upset reading about this then congrats for being in the majority of humans reacting appropriately to an upsetting thing. but were gonna read it and were not gonna behave like headless fuckin chickens about it because these themes have been present in homestuck for a very long time and now theyre finally coming to a climatic point and resolution. stop screaming about how no one should depict this shit. inform each other of trigger warnings so other people can opt-in. but fuckin stop saying that no one should write about this. stop calling the hs2 team gross and horrible for writing this. unclench and think about others outside of your disgust reaction. these stories need to be told

[avantgardetheseventh]

"we need more complex female characters!" yall couldn't even handle cressida cowper

[spitblaze]

You know I probably would have figured out something was up with me genderwise sooner if people assigned female at birth were not conditioned from a young age to absolutely loathe their bodies in order to sell beauty products and diets and unattainable standards

[uncanny-tranny]

Passing as a trans man is a nuanced and complex topic, but one thing I have been noticing as somebody who is a cis-passing (white) trans man is the way I'm treated when there is conflict.

I've noticed that in conflict, people are almost meek around me, willing for me to try working with them up until a woman is involved. When a woman (or, really, anybody who the other party assumes is one) is part of the conflict, they direct all their anger and rage to them. It's fucking insane the way a woman is treated when there is conflict, even if it isn't her fucking fault. These people are fundamental cowards for seeing my manhood as the only reason they can't be openly hostile to me, but it reveals a lot about how a misogynist thinks on an almost primal level.

I'm watching the women and people around me I care about being torn apart by people, and that's unacceptable. I can't sit around to watch it, and I don't want to do that. I need other people to perhaps read this and remember to not stand by if there is something that you can tangibly do to help, even if it's to lend a listening ear or let the person vent.

[indoorcoyote]

people make polls on here and then are like "why are so many people virgins this is the gay sex website >.<" like hey. listen. this website would be substantially less horny if everyone was actually having physical irl sex

this is the "gets off primarily to kinks that are impossible in real life" website and also the "would like to be having gay sex but can't due to parents/roommates/social awkwardness/disability/otherwise hostile environment or circumstances" website (and also the "thriving asexual community" website)

[enobariasdistrict2]

one of the many things to love about katniss is that she's not spiteful, or revenge minded, no matter how many reasons society and her circumstances give her to be, and always has empathy for others.

and this extends to people she doesn't have much emotional connection to. for as much as she regarded the careers as the capitol's well trained lapdogs, she killed cato out of mercy rather than revenge. she acknowledged that cato and clove could have survived if her and peeta hadn't, that someone like marvel who murdered her ally (a twelve year old, the most innocent and vulnerable person in the arena and who katniss saw as a sister) might have had a life to go back to, a home with family members waiting for his return. she felt guilty during her interactions with gloss and cashmere because she killed children from their district that they might have mentored. katniss explicitly said she did not like enobaria as a person, but didn't want to exclude her from the protection deal with coin.

katniss also has a kind view of people that, as cinna himself said, she should have despised. the capitol citizens are vapid and privileged and watch children like her die for their entertainment every year. yet katniss still forges a relationship with cinna and is able to be vulnerable and share her private stories and treasured memories with him acting as the capitol audience. and while she sees her prep team as ignorant and childish pets, she does have affection for them and objected to them being tortured in district thirteen. even though effie literally comes to her district representing the most evil aspect of the capitol and every year sends two children from her home to die, katniss still sees her redeeming characteristics, bonds with effie, and makes an effort to spare her from the rebels.

no matter who the person is or what they might have done to her/her loved ones, katniss recognizes humanity in everyone and attempts to limit the suffering of others when possible, regardless of her personal opinion about them.

[wiseatom]

i tried for a well thought out post. instead you get this mess that i’m begging you not to twist:

the outraged cries of “cliques” are people being actual friends with each other. the people complaining about certain blogs or creators being on pedestals are usually the same people putting them there. i’m not one to belittle feelings - i understand where the upset is coming from. i even understand my place in it! but at the end of the day, we’re working ourselves up over what? notes? followers? hits on a fic? things based on luck and timing??

i can only speak for myself, but i work a full time job and i’m hard scheduled 45 hours a week. all of my free time goes towards fic writing, because that’s For Me and that’s what’s important for my mental health, and even then, i am usually too exhausted to do that. i would love to read fic and interact more! my to-read list is a mile long! it is just genuinely hard for me to find the time. i prioritize my friends because they are my friends — real, actual people i know beyond tumblr mutualship, who i talk to about more than just fic writing — and even then i am late getting around to it. i’m not saying this as a “woe is me, my life is hard” moment, but moreso trying to offer a perspective that is not even being thought of. and i get it, no one wants to hear it, because you’re frustrated, and being vocal about frustration feels nice (i know, bc here i am)!!

someone is going to come for my throat for making this post as a “big author” and “part of the clique we’re all vagueing” and maybe it’s juuuuust me but like. if you’re that unhappy, log off. if seeing a friend group you’re not part of interacting makes you unhappy, log off. if seeing the engagement other people get on their posts or fic or art makes you unhappy, log off. you cannot force people to interact with you or your creative work, and aggressively posting about it when they don’t is not inviting them to. i am begging you to stop having expectations of people you do not know, because at the end of the day, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

[queerlymormon]

Things Mormons at BYU did after I came out as nonbinary

(Multiple people) asked me my pronouns, and consistently used them.

Roommate made me a tie to wear to church

When I auditioned for a play, I was cast in a male role (as requested)

Student director offered to change the pronouns in the script to make them match my own if I got cast as a certain character (I didn't get into this play but the offer was nice)

Ward Choir director happily let me sing with the tenors, and the rest of the tenors encouraged me even when some of the deeper notes were hard for me to hit.

(multiple people) complimented me on the androgynous outfits I wore to church (including my former mission president)

Asked me genuine questions about my gender, or my faith, and really listened when I shared.

Along with lots of other kind gestures that helped me feel safe and at home. I told many people that my boyfriend was a transman (which in the eyes of BYU would make us a same-sex couple) and the responses I got were:

People were happy for me

my roommates let my boyfriend stay over at our apartment for a couple weeks

Lots of people want to come to our wedding

Absolutely nobody got anywhere close to outing me or reporting me to the Honor Code office.

Obviously, I was not ideal, I had some negative experiences too, and some people who would consistently misgender me who I just didn't feel comfortable correcting. And I don't want to ignore the difficult experiences many queer people have a BYU. I know that it can be dangerous and terrifying.

But I wanted to share my experience to say that there is hope for change. There are people who are happy to support you. There are people who will fight alongside you for the inclusivity BYU and the LDS faith in general so desperately need. When I first realized I was queer at BYU I immediately distrusted everyone, and I missed out on a lot of friendship and joy because I was so afraid people would discriminate against me that I never gave them a chance.

[nappingpaperclip]

it really needs to be recognized that even if all of the bad things that y’all fearmonger about happening after the election do somehow happen, trans and gay people in the US will still be more safe, privileged, & have access to far more resources than any single Palestinian undergoing genocide

[toytulini]

man the thing about beauty standards and being ugly and being pretty and being insecure is that ultimately you do just kinda have to Decide that youre pretty. like ultimately thats how you become pretty, or hot, or sexy. you have to just Decide that you Are. you have to recognize that its made up, its arbitrary, its subjective, and that people might disagree with you about it, and as much as you are able, you need to completely and utterly disregard their opinions on your appearance, and decide that youre pretty now. and THEN.

you need to find beauty in "ugly". you need to recognize that ugly is made up, that its arbitrary, that its subjective, and you need to be able to find the beauty in it all. and this means you cant bodyshame people. you cant body shame shitty celebs or politicians. you need to base your criticisms on the substance of their character and misdeeds and unhinged horrific opinions and not give a shit about what they look like. you cant go calling people ugly for being shitty. you cant go calling people ugly for looking A Way You Dont Like.

and then if you wanna really galaxy brain this shit you start using ugly as endearment. OBVIOUSLY do not fucking call other human beings ugly. that shit is far too loaded, its just Rude. Dont call specific features of people or even characters ugly cos thats also too loaded. as a term it has baggage. but you can see the ugly in tacky, loud, garish clothing, and it can be Good. you can see the ugly in a distinctive, horrible tiny car from the 90s, and it can be good. you can see the ugly in animals that have evolved to look the way they do, without a single thought of what humans find appealing. you can see the beauty and the freedom in "Ugliness". you can break out of this shit altogether and feel nothing but disdain for anyone who stoops to insulting your appearance if they disagree with you about shit. you can get completely out of the cave of these beauty standards. you can find it so freeing to revel.in letting yourself be ugly. in recognizing that the way you look and exist might be ugly to some people, and youre out of the cave enough to simply recognize. thats just your opinion and it doesnt matter. didnt ask.

you can look at ppl arguing about the correct amount of skincare products to use daily, the Correct Amount of makeup, and whether or not its radical to conform to beauty standards or defy them and argue about is it really conforming if visible makeup pisses men off, and you can say, well I dont care about any of that, I recognize the societal pressures of flawless skin and all that but you see,

I just want to look like a silly little clown :o3

[thepavementsings-archive]

Everyone who speaks to or does stuff with Pierre always immediately talks about how open and willing to participate fully he is in whatever they're doing. I just think the fact that he walks into all of these situations with a true joy and appreciation for all the opportunities f1 brings him to enrich his own life is so lovely and refreshing he's so important to me actually

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.