#reflecting back on one’s life
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I just realized when it comes to goal weights, I’m like the stereotypical strict, demanding parent:
“Oh you’re 500 pounds now? Well, feedees are supposed to be fat. Why not immobile? Why not a record-breaking 1,401 pounds?? WHY NOT 2,000 POUNDS??? Why stop there…?”
No idea where I could’ve gotten that from… 😬
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”𝐄𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮” (𝐱)
#the appreciation#the affection#the emotional freedom depth and acceptance in this band and among the fans are one of the best things i have ever found in life#eternally grateful#they’ve given me so much i’ll never be able to describe it#they are all so precious#messages like these always make me emotional#the acknowledgment of appreciation reflected back to us#i really hope we are able to give them something meaningful#you are so loved#vessel#ii#iii#iv#sleep token#love them
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At the start of this project all I wanted was to 'learn how to draw' using comics as a medium and the MDZS audio drama as inspiration.
I've come *very* far from making simple, 3 panel black and white comics, and I truly do intend to go even further. Thank you to everyone who cheered me on throughout 2023, it has been an incredible year in so many ways I never could have imagined. I look forwards to drawing throughout 2024 B*)
#poorly drawn mdzs#art summary#It's so interesting looking back at how my style and technique changed throughout the year!#I used PD-wwx as the consistent factor (October is an exception) and you can see so many processes going on.#My little petri dish amoeba (with a little red bow to tell him apart from the other amoeba) <3#Whether it's getting new markers or trying out a new shading style - it's cool seeing a snapshot of my journey like this B*)#There's certainly been a slower curve to my overt improvement *but* I have become so much faster!#My life outside of drawing has been hectic and at several points extremely stressful this year. For all the work this blog has been-#-It has truly been a life saving anchor when the darkest of times have hit.#Love is hard work. Change is even harder work. Sticking to a goal I set out for myself and striving to keep going was worth it.#And I love drawing. I think there has always been something in me that longed for this. And it is finally tangible! I can draw!!!#I wanted to make a more elaborate year reflection where I looked back at my favourite comics and jokes.#but I'll leave that to the one year anniversary.#I have also been collecting a ton of statistics throughout the year and I am desperate to share them. I'm that kind of nerd B*)#I can never say it enough: Thank you all for the kindness and support. I wish everyone a lovely 2024!!!
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Do you have any hcs for the twins?
Here's two I remember that I really like! (Also these are definitely not my ideas originally but I cannot for the life of me remember where I first saw them)
For Dream it's that he's just as strong as Nightmare. Like you see Nightmare lifting his henchmen with his tentacles all the time, Dream should also be able to lift like 3 people at a time. I wanna do something silly with it in my truce au but here's Blue finding out in the meantime (he lost his phone and Dream's helping him look for it)
For Nightmare it's that he can also do the starry-eyed thing that Dream and Blue and Cross can. Dream knows he could do it when they were kids but assumes the corruption changed that, but really it just doesn't happen very often so none of them have seen it. This is how it looks
#UTDR#UTMV#Ask#Anon#I guess I just love the idea that they're more similar than they think#They've gone through terrible events but they cannot stop being brothers#Also kind of like the hc that Dream can't read#Like Nightmare used to read to him when they were kids so he wasn't too concerned about learning#And then after the whole statue thing there wasn't really time#He can recognise some words like his and Blue's and Nightmare's names but otherwise not much#Also - and this one is more visual I guess - that Nightmare has gotten softer over time#Like both emotionally and physically#I tried to show it a lil in the comic about Killer getting his name#That his tentacles were much more sharp and angled and he was dripping more goop back then#But now he's more rounded and gentle with them#That the goop kind reflects how he's eased down from total corruption into seeing a bit more in life
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"why couldn't shuro have just been honest about what he felt with laios and falin it's not that hard" are you. are you White
#dungeon meshi#shuro#toshiro nakamoto#look you can hate him for other things but this is very clearly a case of cultures (& personalities influenced by these cultures) clashing#shuro is japanese/east asian-coded and laios is european white boy#i am not japanese but i also come from a collectivistic society#pakikisama is a filipino value both prized and abhorred#it relies heavily on being able to read social cues and prior knowledge of societal norms#shuro being from a different country/culture is important to his character#his repressed nature is meant to contrast with laios' open one like that's the point#they both had similar upbringings but different coping mechanisms#shuro explicitly admits that he's jealous of laios being able to live life sincerely#anyway the point is they were operating on different expectations entirely and neither had healthy enough communication skills#to hash things out before they got too bad#re his attraction to falin i personally believe he unfortunately mpdg-ed her#she represented something new & different. a fresh drink of water for his parched repressed self#alas not meant to be#i'll be honest the way ryoko kui handles both fantasy & regular racism in dm is more miss than hit for me#i don't doubt that a lot of the shuro hate is based off of marcille's pov of him#marcille famously racist 😭#characters' racist views don't often get (too) challenged#practically everyone is casually racist at some point#anyway. again if you're gonna hate shuro at least hate him for being complicit in human trafficking & slavery#he couldn't help falling for the wrong woman goddamn 😭#calemonsito notes#edit: upon further reflection i take back what i said about toshiro mpdg-ing falin!#i'm sorry toshiro 😭
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there's nothing orym would ask of the other hells that he wouldn't do himself, which is sort of the problem, really
#critical role#cr spoilers#orym of the air ashari#bells hells#if you don’t have a homegrown curse you can use to your advantage (moon powers) storebought is fine (deal with a hag)!#and its not even sunk cost fallacy or feeling like he needs to make the deal worth it i think. this is just what he feels is necessary#and its his own self worth and the value he places on his own life vs the importance of this cause. reflected back on the others#how the rest of the hells have adopted this mindset but with wavering conviction and doubt - not really fitting quite right#while it fits orym like a glove. bc that's who he is. it's what he's been taught. bc this conflict is his past and his present#and as far as he's considered it. his future!#me this morning: i will not get back into orymposting. orymposting is the mind killer.#me now:#eta: i guess this could be disputed by him saying fearne would have to be the one to take imogen out pre-solstice.#but i've always seen that as a purely practical 'who would actually be capable of doing this' issue as opposed to sentimentality.#he was fully ready to cut dorian in exu. however he may feel about the act his resolve is not an issue!
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Every attempt you make to love yourself, are all proof that you deeply do. So much so you keep fighting for you. Never stop.
#One day you’ll get there and you’ll realize the warmth you sought from others was yours reflected back at you#it was always you — you were always the sun! BE THE SUN#reminder#advice#self love#thinkpink thoughts#soft life
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The Shimmer Shields - Uniform design
#digital art#illustration#artists on tumblr#art#dungeons and dragons#dnd#ttrpg#homebrew#concept art#original characters#ocs#my ocs#Fen tag#Alowin tag#Setting: Heim#I was gonna do this rendered all pretty and stuff#but i've already spent too much time fiddling with this so flats will have to do#i really wanted to get the Shields uniform down on paper#as well as two of my silly little guys#Fen is wearing the standard officer uniform that people would commonly see on the streets of Novo-Mellior#Alowin is wearing the private hire uniform since he gets assigned to Tethry after a failed attempt on his life#The private hire uniform comes with a cape meant to cover the sword at their hip during formal events.#also anyone who ends up on private hire is ribbed pretty heavily by the rest of the soldiers since#that often means they get assigned either to some arrogant noble or an important caster (like an archmage)#and with the way that Shields and casters don't get along very well you'll get bullied for babysitting one.#The Shields value their uniforms and gear very highly since to a lot of them it's the only thing of significance that they own.#Their bracers and shields (not pictured cause idk what i want to do for them yet) are tiled with flail snail shell#which allows them to both block and reflect any spells cast at them back on the caster#it's also where the name of their order comes from cause shiny#I had big plans for this piece but at the end of the day it's just a design sheet
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(click for better resolution, etc.)
#adamandi#ambrose wellington bassford#infer as you will i suppose. wanted to draw a statue ambrose but accidentally painted it because smth smth blending fits him#again. main things taken from lyrics of the actual show ++ this definition i checked with google because i didn't remember it off the top#of my head. but Thoughts indeed#sfgdhhdf ok hello i am back today has been a Day (not very good) (oh well) (small mercies) ...#did not expect the melliot to find this so quickly but since i guess the Official Tumblr has reblogged it i'll just edit this one.#as opposed to reuploading. o//o#i painted it at 2am on impulse and have very little recollection of the whole event -? and then in a fit of pique added words and posted it#it is Very different from the original draft. i'd like to maybe do that one justice someday... anyways something something sometimes#a piece of art you make organically Evolves of its own volition... anyways.#maybe i'm projecting but recently (tuesday?) i found out something Important i had in the works Collapsed in the kiln#kaboom. ah the perils of ceramics. anyway thanks to the messed up 3d of everything i'm working on rn (the pros and cons of visual art subj#is that you get to make art for a grade) and. ceramics and sculpture and classics etcetera. <blinks> wow i really latched on to art aspects.#but nevertheless! ambrose brainrot real. iirc my thoughts were smth like. most strongly. that contrapposto? based on my school art history#was that it evolved from the very neutral rigid ancient greek sculptures of people which were all about Mathematical Symmetry. because#the main thing about contrapposto was that it reflected irl people more... more life-like? so it's very ironic to me#that Alive ambrose went and tried to turn himself into a statue. with part of the draw being contrapposto.. like?????#ah yes you like this sculpture because it's lifelike. and you'd rather be a sculpture than alive huh. the contrasts are !! in my head#also maybe i just.. wanted to paint... idk i had ambrose on the brain yesterday and it was something about sculptural messed up perfection#fun fact!!! the skin and hair i all greyed out to look like marble. fun fact number two: he has no eyes in this. like no pupils :3#fun fact number 3 (irrelevant) marble statues are only common wrt ancient greece bc the romans iirc came along and repurposed the bronzes.#because apparently bronze was a Hot Commodity at the time. and in return to preserve the art they made marble replicas. so most marble#ancient greek statues are apparently copies and the originals had totally different aesthetics#fun fact number 4: the background is a very greyed out image of my broken ceramics.. i wanted something nice to come out of it at least#fun fact number 5: i wanted to make him crack. like shattered ceramic or smth. that was the original idea. but instead it went to the pretty#sculpture route... kinda wanna make the messed up one though!!#fun fact number 6! because of Art Studio i'm covered in white paint and like it doesn't come off so it's been on my fingers and arms and#basically everywhere. so flesh turning into white stuff aes is fascinating i wanna explore... fun fact no.7.. i have accidentally maybe#began using screenshots as drawing practice. idk what to do with this info. if anything nice turns up ig i'll post it maybe
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Mei: “It’s okay MK—we got this! We can beat her-”
MK: “-She beat the Monkey King Mei! We don’t got this!”
“I’m sorry- I just- I don’t know what to do.”
Pigsy: “Kid, no one ever does! Not really.”
Mei: “But we’re going to figure this out.”
Tang: “Together.”
(2x00 Revenge of the Spider Queen)
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Macaque: “So this was the Monkey King’s great plan? How do you still not see that he has no idea what he’s doing? How about this for a plan: stay down MK, or I will put you down.”
(3x09 The King, the Prince, and the Shadow)
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MK: “Mei! You have to stop. I know you’re upset, and that’s okay! I know what it’s like to have a power you don’t know how to control—to feel like the fate of the world is in your hands and you have no idea what to do! But you always have my back, and help me through it. We, will figure this out! Together!”
(3x10 The Samadhi Fire)
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Tang: “I’m sorry I just! I’m having a melt down and I have no idea what’s going on and-”
Sandy: “Tangy! We’re right there with you old friend! But right now we need to find MK and Monkey King! We’ve got to hold it together until then.”
(4x07 Pitiful Creatures)
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Not knowing what to do.
#''We're just like Wukong- a fraud!''#I am emotionally compromised over the legos#Like girl come on PLEASE#MK in s3: Oh thank god Monkey King's back. Surely he'll know what to do!#Me: Oh honey. You've got a big storm coming!#Really I owe ink MK my life for giving us insight into MK's inner thoughts. Like girl? He thinks Wukong is a fraud and a trickster? Hello???#Gives the scene where MK is staring sadly at Wukong and then his own reflection in 4x01 a whole new meaning#lmk#lego monkie kid#monkie kid#lmk mk#lmk mei#lmk macaque#lmk swk#lmk sun wukong#so fucking sad over this. like. god.#''No one ever does! Not really'' is so mean. It's so mean!#the writers like to be mean to me specifically#theme: action
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April 28, 2023
Despite everything, it's still you.
#me#ive cut back on lifting a lot due to injuries and struggles with my joints and instead picked up lane swimming in march#i had never used a public pool in my life and never swam with intent before#it was new and kind of terrifying but i needed to move my body again in a way that didnt cause pain#the first few times were pretty rough- i couldnt swim well or hold my breath and struggled with the repetitive motion and breathing#one day beams of sunlight shone through the airy space and large windows and cast shining watery reflections on the pool's bottom#i had been learning water caustics for 3d art and i loved to watch them#its gotten a lot easier now and i can let my mind wander and enjoy the sensations instead of worrying about drowning#the cool water on my skin#the muffled amniotic sounds of bubbling fluids#the mosaic tiles and patterns#the sunlight and caustics#every time i go its a social stress test- but I've gotten better at handling it and it helps me connect with other people in a tiny way#i dont know what the future of my body's training will look like as i plow into middle age#but im proud of myself for doing something totally new and finding joy in it
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
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oh i get a feeling
when your hands in mine
the only thing that's real is
looking in your eyes
#love notes#evalyn#all we have#ignore weird lyrics etc#the only thing i see is your eyes reflecting myself back#my heart drops down into my stomach when i feel your reciprocation#it's like life has born anew your love got me back on track#let's make this last forever and another one after that
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rhaenyra’s contentious relationship with her own bodily autonomy
#like so much of it is the fact so much has been so uncomfortably exposed as topics of conversation for so LONG#like the rumors of her ‘sexual exploits ‘ having been circulating since she was fourteen years old and like she has to cope with that#without having it reflect on her face or result in a change in behavior because her charm is what drew people to her in the first place#and in court weakness is the worst thing you can display to people if you want political power and want to advance and like she’s 14 ? bein#being that young of course it hurts😭 it can’t not hurt#but like it HITS - it does. Like it makes her feel exposed in a way that’s so oddly disjointing because she didn’t DO any of it#like the desirability politics at play take such ? a Slow and steady toll on her#like she can’t really escape the viscious cycle of being so exposed because that’s exactly why people are so open to her being queen#like her body is criticized after she didn’t lose weight after three continuous pregnancies in the span of 2 and a half years#and that’s not even getting into why pregnancy scared her which IS the fact she’s essentially sharing her body with this person and it coul#die or it could kill her or she could die and she could leave it alone which scares her the most#like pregnancy is the one continuous aspect of her life she can’t wholly control and that terrifies her because that makes her feel like sh#cant protect either of them#and like she doesn’t want the possibility of a son to overshadow the fact her life matters too#like the way her appearance is always so carefully curated and after she gets the throne back#her always sitting the throne in her arm and intentionally gripping it until her hands bleed is so#LIKE ITS SO 😭
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hmmmm i think this new theme might be more me :3
#idk i think the last one was abit cold ? and devoid of colour#which i think was nice at that point in time of my life#but things have since changed and im doing better and letting colour back#this reflection is so funny its literally just a tumblr theme but its also teaching me that your subconscious really plays a part#whether you know it or not ( lololol )#― ying talks.
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what have i become
my sweetest friend?
everyone i know goes away in the end
and you could have it all my empire of dirt
i will let you down i will make you hurt
if i could start again a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way [x]
#my blog#cassian andor#andor#rogue one#my stuff: graphics#i cannot stop thinking about cassian andor#news at 11#little kassa excited to be included on the mission by the elder girl#but he never returns to his people and sister#contrasted with cassian andor on his last mission#the one he chose and co lead with jyn#he accepts he will not return from it#cassian looking back on his own life reflecting on the regrets and guilt he carried#and yes i was specifically thinking of johnny's version because a dying man looking back on his own life?#👌👌
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