#reggie said be gay do crime

[b-u-g-g-y]

James: The best way to get revenge is to be nice! Right, Reg?

Regulus:

James: …Right?

Regulus: I prefer murder.

James: nO—

[innytoes]

Awwww it’s baby’s first war crime (for Alex)

When he and Willie moved in together, it was in a tiny shoebox of an apartment on the wrong side of town, but Alex didn't care. He left his parents' place with his head held high, refusing their ultimatums of 'we'll give you your college fund if you give up this whole gay nonsense'.

The guys had been supportive, of course. They'd always talked about getting a place together, but well, Luke was finally back home trying to make things work with his mom, Reggie got a full scholarship to a local college and was living in the dorms, and Bobby was staying home to take care of his Lola.

Besides, moving in with his boyfriend, his sweet and cool and passionate and funny boyfriend, well, it was a big step, but it was everything Alex wanted.

Even if there were still skid marks in the toilet. And nicotine stains on all the walls. And grease all over the kitchen. And the walls in the toilet were an off-putting shade of metallic baby poop green-brown. But hey, the rent was cheap and the landlord said he didn't care what colours they painted the walls.

So while Willie went out to get some painting supplies, Alex decided to get started on the bathroom. If only so they could go to the bathroom while working on the rest of the place in peace.

He's vacuumed the spiders out of the corners and tackled the toilet, before deciding to try and fix the weird gross stains in the shower next. Except no amount of scrubbing seemed to be working. He tried different cleaning supplies, letting them soak while he cleaned the sink.

Except then he started to feel woozy. Was it lunch time yet? Maybe when Willie was back they could grab something to eat at the corner shop first... Oh, hey, since when was he sitting down? The floor was all weird and wobbly though. Was there an earthquake? Did earth quakes make the room spin?

"Alex?" Willie shouted, and when did Willie get there? He managed a 'heeey' as Willie dragged him out of the bathroom by the armpits, towards the door of their tiny, tiny balcony. Suddenly, he felt a lot better, breathing in the fresh air and watching Willie run around and open all the doors and windows, covering his face when he went into the bathroom.

"What the hell did you do, Hotdog?" Willie asked, but he didn't seem mad, just concerned.

"Cleaning," Alex said helplessly.

"Did you mix cleaning supplies, babe?" Willie asked, feeling his pulse, which was highly unnecessary, but Alex didn't complain. Willie's hands on him were nice.

"Maybe? The stains in the enamel wouldn't come out," he said.

"I think you may have accidentally made some kind of gas, buddy," Willie said gently, slumping down next to Alex as they breathed in the nice clean air from outside. Or well, as clean as air got in LA.

"I didn't mean to," he said, leaning his head on Willie's shoulder. "I just wanted our new place to be nice and clean."

"It's okay," Willie said, patting his hair. "Aww, baby's first war crime."

"What?"

"You made like, mustard gas or something in our bathroom. You're a criminal now."

Alex thought about it. Then he shrugged. "Eh, maybe it'll scare away the spiders."

"That's what I'm talking about. Silver lining, baby," Willie cheered. "But maybe let me do the cleaning from now on. You can do the painting."

"Deal."

[invisibleraven]

I don't know what that means!

Peterpatterlina

Since Julie refused to skip school for band practice (lame) the boys had to find a way to amuse themselves. As such, they decided to catch up on all they had missed in the past twenty five years. Alex had Willie for that, making sure he understood all the new slang as well as the joys of be gay, do crime.

Luke and Reggie stuck to watching things. They started with Star Wars, the series that brought them together as kids, sneaking in to see the original trilogy when they were probably too young to do so. They were less enthused about the rest of the films, but did enjoy the live action shows that Carlos insisted they watch.

From there, they started watching movies and shows old and new alike, though sometimes they had to pause and get context for historical events and memes.

Eventually they figured they should watch Friends-Flynn told them that it had aged badly, and though they might have fond memories of the first season, the rest was not as good.

But hey, it killed time right?

(Even though Flynn was right and they both agreed that Ross sucked and Chandler was not nearly as appreciated as he should be)

"Do you think lobsters actually mate for life?" Luke asked as they sat through a clip show.

"I think wolves do?" Reggie offered. "Why the sudden interest in the mating habits of crustaceans?"

"It was the thing Phoebe said, about Rachel being Ross' lobster. I think I want that-someone for the rest of my life. Afterlife. Whatever."

Reggie gave a sly grin. "You mean Julie?"

Luke bit his lip, a faint blush tinting his cheeks. "Maybe. But... not just her."

Reggie looked at Luke then, not daring to get his hopes up. He knew how he felt about Luke, and how it had changed since their little chemistry experiment. How he also felt about Julie, a deep well of love that he could never speak of. He had buried his feelings deep, figuring he had no hopes in either harbour and had resigned himself with an afterlife of loneliness and pining from the sidelines.

"R-really?" he finally choked out. "Who else?"

"I think you know man."

"I want to hear you say it."

"It's you Reg," Luke said, cupping his cheek. "It's always been you I think. But it's her too."

"Me too," Reggie rasped out, whatever else he was going to say being swallowed in a kiss that was blistering, messy, and perfect, just like the person giving it to him.

"Oh."

They broke apart, turning to see a devastated looking Julie in the doorway to the studio.

"I'll just... let you two get back to it."

"No Julie wait!" Luke yelled, rushing to catch her. "It's...complicated."

"Looked pretty simple to me."

Luke looked at Reggie frantic who gave him a despairing, look and a shrug, not know what they could say or do to make this better. Then he burst out, "You're our lobster!"

"I don't know what that means!" Julie retorted, her face screwing up in anger.

"Can we explain it?" Reggie asked quietly.

Julie softened then, nodding, letting herself be guided to the chair, hands folded awaiting their explanation.

"Have you ever watched Friends?" Luke asked.

"No," Julie shook her head. "Flynn has and told me it's not worth my time, so I never bothered with that particular cultural touchstone."

Reggie took it upon himself to explain the reference they were making, and then looked at her. "So... we want you to be our lobster."

Julie looked at them both then. "Lobsters don't mate for life, sorry."

The boys faces fell then, until Julie took their hands in hers. "But wolves do. As well as a bunch of other animals. Even more have poly relationships. So maybe we can find the species to suit us?"

Reggie and Luke nodded vigorously, pulling her into an embrace, and though research was tempting they asked Julie for a suggestion for a show she loved they could watch together.

Even if they spent more time making out than actually watching Buffy.

[anime-deity]

Random Headcanons for Drarry (which I'm going to include into my fanfiction)

Harry Potter

growing up at the Dursleys - disgusting muggles;

Abuse/Neglect/and all those good things...

at the age of 6, teleports in front of WolfStar; gets adopted, receiving a new name - Hades Perseus Black (the irony of him being called after Medusa's beheader) and being sorted in Slytherin, cuz he belooooong;

also he the Slytherin Princess cuz I say so

Draco Malfoy

Harry's boy- I mean best friend;

crushing on him since they met (god so cheesy) - his father will definitely hear about this;

smart boi who likes books and potions;

Slytherin's Prince

Fred & George Weasley

cuz we love the twins;

are also in Slytherin;

cunning & ambitious pranksters;

worthy Weasleys;

secretive and always together... very sus...

Hermione Granger

also goes to Slytherin;

Family Secrets are revealed;

very devious and Pansy Parkinson is there as well soooo you already know where I'm getting at

One of the Mother Hens of the group

Pansy Parkinson

knows all the gossip in the wizarding world

most likely knows your secrets too

Hermione's best friend and possible girlfriend

Fashionista and the other Mother Hen of the group

Theo Nott & Blaise Zabini

being the gay couple they are and we support;

don't call Theo 'Theodore' if you don't wanna wake up with nasty hexes;

Blaise is the cool and laid-back one compared to his partner

Cedric Diggory

lives cuz he deserves to and is the same age as the twins;

surprisingly gets resorted into Slytherin;

likes Luna a lot

the Twins' Best Friend and secret partner in crime

Luna Lovegood

we love and so does Cedric; shhh don't tell anyone, but Luna probs knows about it already...;

same age as Harry and the rest

her destiny leads her to be part of Slytherin~

Sirius & Remus Black

also known as Siri & Remy (or Moony);

best parents award;

teaching together and supporting Slytherin against Gryffindor;

everybody knew that they should have been in Slytherin but nobody could prove it

Severus Snape

called Sevy or Sev behind his back;

Regulus is his Soulmate - forget Lily;

being done with everyone, but has a soft heart for his snakes and supports Drarry;

WolfStar's Bestie~

Regulus Black

Reggie!!

lives and loves Severus Snape;

enough said..................

teaches History of Magic at Hogwarts;

enjoys playing pranks with Sirius, and the Weasley Twins

Lucius & Narcissa Malfoy

lovingly called Luc (Lucy - by Siri, Remy, Sevy & Reggie) & Cissa;

awesome parents

fighting the Potters

Voldy Moldy, I mean 'Tom' Marvolo Riddle

NOT the bad guy here (duh)

doesn't look like a snake hybrid whatever that was;

resembles his younger hot self;

don't call him Tom or Tommy - he will try to skin you alive and then torture you;

may have a thing for Bellatrix

Bellatrix Black (hopefully a Riddle soon)

the best Aunt even if she is a bit crazy.....

okay maybe a lot of crazy...

she's still crushing on Marvolo, which ain't a secret

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore

head chicken of the flaming chickens

Chief Asshole of Wizengamot

Master fucking Manipulator

Daisy Potter

Harry's younger twinsister

supposed "Girl Who Lived"

nicknamed Lazy Daisy & Crazy Daisy

a fucking bitch, who has a crush on the very Slytherin and very gay Draco Malfoy

Lily & James Potter

the worst parents

suck badly and so do the rest of the Weasleys (of course with the exception of the twins, Charlie & Bill - tho the latter two don't really appear in my fanfic)

Molly & Arthur Weasley

can't tell their twins apart and disregard them

simply bad parents

it's all about the money

Percy Weasley

turns into an asshole after Oliver Wood and Marcus Flint got together;

actually fought Marcus, but sucks for him cuz Marcus became even more handsome

Ron Weasley

the worst friend one could have

likes fame and money

very jealous

major bully

Ginny Weasley

too obsessed with gay Harry, who rejects anything and everything the girl gives him

screeching voice

ridiculous personality

[astrid-delacour]

incorrect marauders quotes as things my friends have said (part idk anymore)

Mary: there’s reggie (mocking)

James: Reggie! 

Peter: REGULUS! *points dramatically* JUDAS??!! YAY OR NEY!?

Marlene: Mommy

Peter: excuse my slur but .... 

James: *apologized to a rock*

Barty: I have the biggest microscopic penis

Evan: his hands could eat yours for breakfast

(this was all part of the same long disturbing conversation)

Barty: i licked it so its mine (talking about a fictional man)

Evan: NOT EVEN THE CABBAGE CAN CONSOLE ME

Barty: i bite the bastards to claim them

Barty: PLUS LOOK AT HIM

HES SO LICKABLE

Barty: HE LOOKS LIKE HE WOULD BE FLAVORED

Barty: i would lick his pecs they look chewy

Barty: Reg won’t fact check my ass! 

Evan: Barty just spawned from the chaos

Sirius: being sent to hell is being cancelled by god

Marlene: Dorcas like chocked me with her things bro

Lily: I’m sure you enjoyed that

Marlene: I did

Dorcas/Barty: I mean sure it’s a federal crime, but I’ll do it

James: I’m peer reviewed autistic 

Peter: please dont hit me with your magnet stick

James: I would become religious for breadsticks 

Evan: he has posture like a question mark

Barty: maybe it’s the texture maybe it’s autism 

Evan: he’s chill except for the occasional war crimes 

Barty: I’m like if a guy liked guys but not in a gay way

Evan: Pandora, do you want to get kicked in the balls

Pandora: I have balls???

Marlene: I used to have blue hair and pronouns before I discovered I had pronouns 

Sirius: your mom let’s you have whatever pronouns you want?

Pandora: don’t lick his ass

Regulus: my general presence is a shovel talk

Barty: i could have been BEHEADED it was AWESOME

Dorcas: i can't decide if i want her tongue or if i *want* her tongue

Sirius: my closet is dark and not full of penises because I was in denial 

Evan: he’s so white his mom had an affair

Evan: Pandora get your boob out of my closet!!!! 

Barty: I’m about to whip you where your butt has been 

Barty: hold on I have to find my whipping pajamas 

Peter: we stan the fuckboi/gym bro lesbian relationship 

Barty: honestly a woman is a red flag if she doesn’t have a dick

Barty: I don’t fit in a chickens ass

[reggierightsactivism]

karterhol: Things aren't looking so good for Kevin, Toni, Fangs and Reggie. Find out why when #riverdale returns on 4/29!

[a-tomb-with-a-view]

I see your “Willie is the be gay do crime bf and Alex is the babe no that’s illegal bf” and would like to remind you that

Alex is a fucking simp

Willie is a very very beautiful person

Alex is part of Sunset Curve and therefore dumb as shit

And therefore raise you that Willie probably jokingly said be gay do crime once and Alex organised several dates around doing illegal things with the help of Reggie and Luke because sure he has the braincell but it’s tucked away in his fanny pack and the one time he tried to read the instruction booklet he saw words like “responsibility” and “decision-making” and panicked, and he just wants to hear Willie giggle again

[variousqueerthings]

Tom Hardy Movies rated least to most queer

I made a list of some Tom Hardy movies and I rated them based on my own, non-specific criteria about what makes a movie queer. Results below the cut.

(Some films not included, because I haven’t watched them yet, because Mr Hardy’s only in them for a few minutes, because the subject matter doesn’t lend itself to this list, or because I just don’t want’em here. TV series also not included. The list is organised into both groups and ratings, because I’m doing The Most.)

Movies are divided into four groups and rated from 0 – 10 on the Queer-Scale, scroll down to the bottom if you want the ratings without the commentary.

Disclaimer: This list is subjective. Don’t come at me because I didn’t rate Inception higher, Nolan himself is as queer as cargo shorts. 

1. This movie would make more sense if it were queer

If this movie were queer it… might not become a perfect film all of a sudden, but it’d make a hell of a lot more sense than what’s actually going on. With an occasional dose of “are the cis-straights okay?”

This Means War (2012): So Chris Pine and Tom Hardy are ostensibly both in love with Reese Witherspoon, but say “I love you” to each other pretty much constantly throughout the movie and their friendship is often presented as a domestic partnership. Cool, cool, cooool.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10. This movie hate-crimed me by having Tom Hardy literally spell out his relationship with Chris Pine, only for the script to then have him say… “can you imagine all that… but with a woman…” Later on the movie explicitly denies polyamory is possible. Fuck this film.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012): Batman movies should always be queer. Mr. Hardy’s the only one who acceptably camps it up, despite Nolan’s best attempts to make him “acceptably gruff.” No matter what you do, Bane is a massive daddy in a mask and thanks to Mr Hardy’s honestly iconic fucking speech pattern in this film, it goes from pretty atrociously straight to just queer enough to imagine a future where Robert Pattinson plays batman and maybe adopts a bunch of kids.

(the only truly decent mask in this franchise tbh)

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. Mr Hardy’s back is the one that’s actually broken carrying any semblance of fun in this overly long movie all on his own.

Lawless (2012): Wow, this really was the year of the not-queer-enough, wasn’t it? Look, it’s “based on a real story,” but it’s also a movie and movies don’t need to stick to the truth, and this one certainly doesn’t. Was the guy queer in real life? I don’t know. But that doesn’t matter, what matters is that it’s just kind of an eh movie and maybe being queer would add something to it. One of those “but why make someone queer? because it’s always more interesting to do so,” movies.

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. It’s just not queer. But Tom Hardy wears cardigans and described his character as a “mother figure,” which adds an interesting dynamic to him.

2. Actually Queer but in a homophobic way

Tom Hardy plays a canonically queer character, yaaay. The whole movie contains a strange sense of the director being too not-queer to actually engage with that and everything around him is almost aggressively straight, noooo.

RocknRolla (2008): Honestly this movie has the funniest coming out scene ever + that familiar undertone of “all these manly men secretly want to fuck each other” is only heightened by one of them actually being gay and in love with his best friend. It’s such a fucking… it’s such a movie. Personally I find Mark Strong, Idris Elba, Thandie Newton, and, of course, Tom Hardy to be really hot in it, so that’s a plus. There’s a scene in which Strong’s character teaches another gangster how to do a proper backhand. It’s really gay of him. Also slow-dancing at a gay club. Butler’s character needs to get himself together, you really don’t think 2008 Tom Hardy is hot? Mate.

(left to right: functional queer, disaster queer, distinguished queer)

Queer Rating: 6 out of 10, for having an actual gay character who is played by Tom Hardy doing a sexy phonecall voice to another guy, but then there’s that feeling you can’t shake that the whole movie is vaguely uncomfortable about it, like a family member awkwardly patting you on the shoulder after they found out you were queer second-hand, but they’ve still got 50 years of bias to unlearn. Also Thandie Newton is killed, fuck that noise. 

Legend (2015): If I had a nickle for the amount of times Tom Hardy’s played a gay gangster, I’d have two nickles. Which isn’t a lot, but weird that it happened twice (looks at Peaky Blinders and thinks it ought to be three times). I’ve watched Legend three times and every time it just… loses me. And because this is a biased list, I’ll only specifically mention that it fails to make Ron’s queerness anything but a way for him to shock others. Gangsters could be gay? Gasp! On the upside Tom Hardy has so much sexual tension with everyone in this movie, including himself (why would you do that? Asks Ron, bemused. Because I can’t kill you, no matter how much I fucking want to, hisses a blood-soaked Reggie right into his ear. It’s hot).

Queer rating: 5 out of 10 because the film is just not very queer for a movie with several queer men in it.

3. Straight as a forced family dinner

It’s straight.

Locke (2013): He’s a married man who had an affair and trying to deal with the fallout of it. This isn’t a spoiler for most of the movie, it’s a pretty neat movie where we look at Tom Hardy having a bit of a mental breakdown and taking lots of phonecalls (my personal hell). Is it queer? Not in the slightest.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10 for Hardy’s face being in almost every shot.

The Revenant (2015): Yeah, yeah, DeCaprio’s and Hardy’s characters are obsessed with each other, yeah it’s a man’s world where the only women are dead wife, kidnapped sexually assaulted native princess, or background whore, yeah, they fight each other and there’s a ton of grunting, but also… I just fucking don’t like this movie. The thin line where a storyline like this one becomes queer might be crossed for others, but not for me. Fuck these guys and their stupid  bear fights.

Queer rating: 3 out of 10 for it being about dirty men in the middle of nowhere (but you could just watch Brokeback Mountain or The Lighthouse or God’s Own Country or any Mad Max, or, or, or…)

4. Queer? Queer. Queer? … Queer…

The plots, aesthetics and/or characters played by Tom Hardy lend themselves to a queer reading, even if there is no overt intention towards queerness. Often this is because of a deliberate lack of heterosexual and/or cisgender writing, which in this day and age is still pretty uncommon not to include within a plot.

Inception (2010): Okay, I don’t even need to write about the added “darling,” or the “go to sleep Mr Eames.” I don’t need to go on about the absolutely bonkers amount of fanfiction written for Eames and Arthur, based on a few minutes of film and a boatload of chemistry. It’s queer.

Queer Rating: 7 out of 10, because the actual plot of the film isn’t very queer, but between the Arthur/Eames dynamic and Elliot Page, Nolan was really given a gift he didn’t deserve.

Warrior (2011): Okay, so first off, this might be my favourite Tom Hardy film, at least some part of my brain is fixated on it at almost all times and I’m considering watching it for the third time in two weeks. I don’t only consider it queer based on Mr. Hardy’s character, although he has no romantic or sexual interest and could be read as aroace, but because of the themes, especially those surrounding said character, who is coded as a caregiver to women and through close emotional connections to men. It’s got possibly unintentional deconstructions of masculinity and two men (brothers) who need to forgive each other and can only do so through the catharsis of violence. It speaks to me as a transmasc with several cis brothers, struggling with my own masculinity. It’s not at all written for me, but I find myself all over it. I could talk about this movie forever.

Queer Rating: 8 out of 10. I’m not allowed to say any more or I’ll never stop writing about it. I love you Tommy…

The Drop (2014): Bob’s lack of sexual and/or romantic interest in Naomi is so strange to her that she doesn’t know what he would want from her otherwise. Bob really just wants to raise a dog with her (and also forgiveness for past sins). Bob is such a rare ace and possibly aro coded character, it really throws me every time I watch this film how obvious it is. Bonus points for also being autistic-coded and not in the stereotypical ways.

(Tom Hardy’s most challenging role: pretending he doesn’t know dogs)

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10 because it’s so fucking rare to see ace and aro coded characters that aren’t, you know…. serial killers. Also Tom Hardy adopts a puppy and has a very cute, kinda lispy voice. How often does Tom Hardy play softer men like this?

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015): Very deliberately no sexual or romantic writing included in Max’s and Furiosa’s relationship. Sure, there’s not a lot of time for that in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, but it was also done with a purpose! “It was always going to be two warriors on par, starting off with very little respect for each other and ending up with a massive respect for each other.” - Charlize Theron. “So of course they meet, of course there’s a relationship, an unspoken understanding. A recognition.” - Tom Hardy.

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10. It’s not just the characters, but the world and it’s apocalyptic BDSM leather scene, the questions it asks about sustainability and about people as tools, and the found family. It’s about overcoming violence through multiple kinds of love. And it’s about watching a guy playing flame-thrower guitar. What could be queerer?

Venom (2018): Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same… No, but Eddie is queer. The only question is whether the sequel will acknowledge that aspect or not, but even if not. Even if it manages to straightly bypass the reality of a symbiotic relationship with a genderless? genderfluid? being from another world that is linked to you down to your very cells and understands you more intimately than any other person possibly could… even if all that: Eddie is queer. Venom and Eddie are in a relationship. Any relationship Eddie ever enters into will automatically become a thrupple. He makes out with Venom in the movie! Eddie is queer.

(aw yeah that tongue is going down his throat)

Queer Rating: 9.5 out of 10, because it’s still coded by the creators in the language of bromance (hey, bro, is it gay if we’re physically and emotionally closer than any other people on earth?), but the movie is so, so camp and Mr Hardy’s acting choices are beautiful – the screaming? The lispy soft voice and lack of taking up space? The lobster tank? The only people who don’t know how queer this is are the people making it apparently. Fingers crossed for that sequel!

Hon. mentions:

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002): Star Trek – even at it’s worst (especially at its worst?) – is camp af + Hardy is a straight-up baby in this film.

Bronson (2008): It’s about a real person who’s still alive, so I won’t comment on the actual man. However the film seems to code the character Bronson along an ace line and also has genderqueering Vaudeville. Someone let Tom Hardy do more of whatever was going on in those stage-bits.

(this right here: this the good shit)

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011): Another ensemble piece not massively about Hardy’s character, but it’s a movie that centers around queerness in a strange, depressing way. Tom Hardy’s character isn’t queer. Colin Firth and Mark Strong are though. The book makes me cry.

Peaky Blinders (2013-): Because it’s a TV series I left it out. There’s a lot of straight nonsense going on there, but Alfie Solomens is gay. There’s nothing in the series that disputes that and plenty that lends itself to the reading.

Dunkirk (2017): Tom Hardy plays an RAF pilot in a deep emotional connection with the other main RAF pilot. That’s immediately gay. However he’s not in the movie much because of the way it’s constructed, so I left it off.

Queer Ratings (least to most)

No queer to be found here traveller:

This Means War: 2 out of 10 - illegal movie, Tom Hardy swore he wouldn’t do another rom-com after

Locke: 2 out of 10 - straight Welshman and his straight problems. He pretty though

Lawless: 3 out of 10 - cardigan-Hardy being a mother-hen, but very straight for all that

The Dark Knight Rises: 3 out of 10 - a superhero movie that doesn’t deserve Mr Hardy’s camp talents (unlike Venom)

The Revenant: 3 out of 10 - doesn’t give me what I want out of a movie full of dirty, bearded men

Queer but we deserve more:

Legend: 5 out of 10 - timid homosexuality, considering the source material. 

RocknRolla: 6 out of 10 - hey bro, is it gay if we kill the only female lead in our massive ensemble cast

The queerest of Hardy’s:

Inception: 7 out of 10 - Elliot Page and JGL kissing was an all-around terrible choice that made no sense, we know the truth, Nolan

Warrior: 8 out of 10 - I’m still crying, Edgerton’s crying, Hardy’s crying, we’re all crying, and I think that’s really emotionally healthy and queer of us

Mad Max: Fury Road: 9 out of 10 - non-romantic love in the time of BDSM post-apocalyptic wastelands is something that can actually be so personal

The Drop: 9 out of 10 - “Fucking punk. Go out to dinner dressed like you're still in you living room! You wear those big hippity-hoppity clown shoes! You speak to women terribly! You treat them despicably! You hurt harmless dogs that can't defend themselves! I'm tired of you man. I'm tired of you. You embarrass me!”

Venom: 9.5 out of 10 - Sometimes a relationship is an anxious reporter, the sentient goo inhabiting his body, his kinda-ex-girlfriend and her new doctor boyfriend, and I think that’s beautiful

[frogsandmagic]

More jatp characters as things said in my theatre company:

Ray: I’m the therapist/dad to like...half of these kids

Reggie: for the sake of your mental health, please assume I know nothing

Caleb: I can hear the tragedy in your voice. It was funny, I loved it.

Flynn: no please, don’t cut me off! I’ll be good! I need at least three more monster energy drinks in order to survive! Like it might kill me, but I can’t survive with out them!

Alex (talking to Luke): hey have you seen willie? I can’t find the wagon that I need and I think he had it last

Willie, trying to see how far he can glide on the wagon: weeeeeeeeeee

Julie: hey, the world may be ending, but at least I can still stick random things in my hair and call it a fashion statement

Luke: do you ever think about music and just explode like ahhhhhhhhhh

Reggie, starting to harmonize with him: ahhhhhhh

Carrie: oh what do you mean she got sick after eating all the cookies we told her not to eat in the poring rain? Does this mean that *gasp* I will have to fill in for her during rehearsal? A shame really...

Nick: I’m honestly just here vibing, if I figure out what’s actually happening, I’ll let you know *crosses his legs and proceeds to fall off chair*

Alex: I can’t believe you got us banned from cub!

Julie: so, what happened here

Luke: willie took be gay do crimes to literally

Willie: so did you! So did you!

Flynn: I was going to ask you why you all had bubble blowers but now I’m afraid to ask

[malecacidd]

I was originally gonna make this a whole 5+1 but then,,, I didn't KFKZKDKD so here's a rebuke drabble!!

--

The second Luke walked in the garage, he knew that he was screwed.

To be fair, he wasn't prepared in the slightest to see his boyfriends wearing one of his sleeveless shirts each, their muscles on full display. So the way his throat closed up and the small squeak he let out were both completely justified.

They had been walking around the studio, setting up the movie they were going to watch while Luke went to grab the popcorn, and hadn't known he came back until he made the noise, and they turned their heads to look at him. Reggie just raised his eyebrows while Bobby smirked, moving to his side to get a handful of popcorn, and Luke shivered as their arms brushed.

"What is it, Patterson?" Bobby joked, bumping their shoulders together, "You're looking a little flushed."

Luke sputtered wordlessly for a moment before pushing the bowl of popcorn into his hands to cross his arms and mutter, "Shut up."

Reggie walked to Luke's other side, a grin slowly taking over his face, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, only making his face heat up even more. "Hm, yeah you're feeling warmer than usual," Reggie said, poking Luke's cheek, and he shoved his finger away, covering his face with his hands and trying his hardest to ignore the arms pressed against him.

"Can we just watch the movie?" He squeaked out from under his hands, and his lips pulled into a pout when he heard Reggie stifle a giggle.

Bobby just hummed, and Luke tried not to groan when he saw him set the bowl of popcorn down on the ground. He definitely wasn't getting out of this easily, then.

Luke lowered his hands from his face, doing his best to ignore their practically evil smiles as he trained his eyes on the far wall. "What are you guys wearing?"

Reggie's grin grew wider. "Oh, these? It's pretty hot outside and this was just what we found," He said like a lying liar who lies. It was winter.

"Yup," Bobby agreed, somehow pressing even closer and ruffling Luke's already messed up hair. "There a problem babe?"

Babe.

They really were trying to kill him.

"Nope," Luke responded too quickly, one part of him wanting to push the bodies away and the other just wanting them to press in closer, "No problem. Nope. Can we watch the movie? Grease?"

Reggie squinted his eyes at him as if he was contemplating, before he shrugged, pulling his arm away and walking to the tv to finish setting up the movie, grabbing the bowl of popcorn on the way. Luke was equal parts relieved and disappointed, but he didn't miss Bobby's arm looping around his waist and pulling him closer as he walked forward, pushing him down onto the couch before sitting next to him and pressing their arms back together. Reggie came only a minute later, occupying Luke's other side.

Grease may have been his favorite movie, but not even that fact could get him to focus on the screen instead of the two people on either side of him. And he really couldn't complain, considering the fact that he had every scene memorized and was given a kiss or two by the end of it.

--

Taglist: @never-straight-no @queenmolina @cinnamonstickrayofsunlight @chickwiththepurpleguitar @shellydominique @flynns-eyeliner-my-beloved @gay-ghosts-committing-crimes @fairylightsandrainydays @alexspinkhoodie

[williehotdog]

Alex, Luke, and Reggie going to school with julie while they are still ghost after the orphuem

This turned out way longer than intended. Also there’s probably some grammer mistakes

They like tagging along to certain classes sometimes, so they’d poof in for some classes and maybe poof out or hang out discovering other classes

Julie made it very clear that they can’t try to scare anyone with there abilities

Reggie sat in on Julie’s calculus class(math genius reggie I don’t make the rules) and does very well, a little too well. Julie suggests that Reggie take the harder class he says “I don’t spend enough time with you though :(” julie promises they will have bonding time(where she does learn to fiddle so they can play some country songs together) and shows him the calc honors BC class** where he does great

Alex joins julie during her dance class, but found that it’s mostly partnered dancing so he thinks “this is a good excuse to watch my boyfriend dance more” and asks Willie to join. Julie talks to Flynn or Nick the entire class, which Alex and Willie are fine with because they like to be in the back row and really just goes to blow off some steam(that doesn’t require him to loose his voice, which did happen and Willie felt very guilty cause Alex couldn’t sing or talk for a week, so Willie is happy Alex found an alternative)

Julie tells Alex that there’s a dance club, which is basically just dirty candy practices, that’s run my Carrie and Kayla. Which Alex ends up attending almost every one. Everyone notices how Alex feels more relaxed, like after screaming in a museum just without the screaming and breaking and entering(“it’s not illegal if were ghost Alex, be gay do crime!”). Alex ends up going to dance club more consistently than the dance class(he likes dancing with dirty candy more)

Willie was unsure when Alex asked him to join the dance class, but they felt bad from when Alex lost his voice so they decided to go to one class and see how it goes. Willie ends up really enjoying dancing without being forced to for Caleb(Caleb is defeated and willie has their soul). And he’s happy to spend more time with Alex so win-win.

Willie finds that they’re weirdly good at photography and finds themselves going with julie to her photography class. The class is mostly based on you taking pictures outside out school so they go together and bond (Julie’s starts to put in one of her Bluetooth earbuds so she doesn’t look crazy)

As much as guys wanted to go to Julie’s music none of them are allowed to anymore. There was an incident where they started playing and messing around and people recognized it and were “julie isn’t that one of your bands song” and julie was about to loose it, her excuse was “my phone me must’ve started playing whoops sorry:)” then giving the guys the death glare. They get a stern talking to after school

Luke wanted to go to music to play but he knew he could play at the garage, he kinda wanted to go to stake out the competition. The day luke found nick could play the guitar...

Luke ends up enjoying sitting in on Flynn’s creative writing class. They worked out a system to communicate were Flynn sits in the back where no one notices the moving pen that writes in there communicating notebook. Luke funds that it’s the only non-music class he’s like in forever. It allows his to still pour his heart out in words just in a different way than writing lyrics.

One creative writing class they had to write a love story and Flynn ended up writing this beautiful heart breaking piece about two people who can’t together. Luke asked them if they’re telling him it won’t work with Julie. They’re like “oh no it’s not you two idiots who keep giving eachother heart eyes and still don’t do anything about it. It’s about me and Carrie” (Carrie does have a redemption arc but Flynn thinks that Carrie would never like them the same way, they’re blind cause Carrie also gives Flynn heart eyes when they’re not looking)

After carries redemption arc her and julie start talking more in their history class. Together they absolutely drag the other team in a class debate. They’re those people that build off what the says so well they end up writing their research paper together(and have flynn proof read cause somethimes they get ahead of themselves and the grammar is garbage)

Julie, Flynn, and Carrie join the debate club together and almost always win. It’s a combination of the three of them working so well together and the time Luke spied on the other team to help them, only because the kid was worst(you know the class sexist racist guy that everyone is one sentence away from punching in the face)

Everyone(except Willie) ends up not being with Julie for a class, which they are all a little upset by. But Reggie is thriving in the smart people math clas, Alex is dancing with dirty candy, and Luke and Flynn bonding so it works out

Julie, Flynn, and Carrie introduce the guys(including Willie) to the SAGA(there are multiple names but it’s a lgbt+ club) club. The guys are very happy to see the club and all cry a little. All seven of them attend SAGA every Tuesday and walk back to Julie’s for band practice (including the guys even though they could poof they get to hang out with julie and flynn)***

and because I can: Alex-gay • Reggie-bi • Luke-trans pan • Flynn- non-binary(they/them) lesbian • julie-biromantic ace • willie- demiboy/non-binary (he/they) queer • Carrie-ace lesbian

^^I said what I said

One day at a SAGA meeting some little shit head said that ace and aro don’t belong in the community and all his stuff mysteriously kept disappearing and getting wet willies even if though no one seems to be around

**idk if this is the same for everyone else but at my high school there was regular calc, and then two different honors class AB and BC, BC was a highest level

*** no I don’t know how Flynn and Carrie would be able to hear them while they talk I think julie would just have to repeat everything

[innytoes]

I posted 7,680 times in 2022

That's 631 more posts than 2021!

382 posts created (5%)

7,298 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@fiddlepickdouglas

@bostonbakeddeans

@invisibleraven

@curvesomesunsets

@bearfeathers

I tagged 7,490 of my posts in 2022

Only 2% of my posts had no tags

#julie and the phantoms - 2,652 posts

#fanfic - 955 posts

#many lols - 940 posts

#art - 758 posts

#alex mercer - 492 posts

#leverage - 490 posts

#reggie peters - 487 posts

#willex - 439 posts

#right in the feels - 426 posts

#willie throckmorton - 377 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#the world pretended to unite for half a week and then it was too much work and we blew up each other before the aliens could blow up the sun

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Chaotic Writing Prompts

Did you seriously eat all my Oreos?

Can I pet your dog?

We do not need that many tiny pumpkins.

Want to help egg my ex’ house?

Can I get a kid’s menu and a rum and coke, please?

At least your hair still looks good.

I’m a real adult, just last week I bought a vegetable.

What do you mean, ‘whoops’?

Get in the fucking blanket fort.

Please stop talking about how you want to bang my dad.

If it helps, this isn’t actually my cat.

This was supposed to be a date?

I have such soft hair and nobody is playing with it!

I’m sorry, what were you saying? I saw a dog and I stopped listening.

I want to sit on their lap and feed them grapes.

Go step on a lego.

Sorry your crotch is bleeding.

Be gay, do crime.

Why am I in your phone as ‘himbo number two’?

Oh no, she’s hot.

Go take a nap and maybe you’ll feel better.

He’s such a nerd.

That’s not a cat it’s an opossum.

Are you crying about dogs on the internet again?

For the love of all that is holy, please go to sleep.

I’m sorry my cat keeps stealing your underwear.

It’s my emotional support Furby.

Why are we running?

Sorry isn’t going to bring back the last slice of cheesecake.

See the full post

295 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

#4

Between Reggie hanging out and commenting on Ray’s photography and Reggie being delighted with and commenting on that lady at Eats&Beats taking pictures of her food, I have concluded that Reggie would be the one to take all the cute Behind The Scenes footage for the Julie and the Phantoms social media pages Flynn runs. And yes he will go full Instagram Boyfriend and lay down on the floor to get the perfect shot of Julie looking like a rockstar or Alex looking all heart-eyed at Willie.

And yes Flynn starts letting him write captions which is why you’ve got things like ‘the way Alex looks at Willie is the same way Luke looks at a shiny new guitar (sorry Julie)’ and ‘I think Julie Molina should be president maybe’. 

304 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

#3

Leverage OT3, urban fantasy, for the three sentence fic

"So let me get this straight," Hardison said, crossing his arms and staring at the chinchilla on the table. "The emerald Parker stole turned Nate into that?"

The animal on the table was nibbling on a seed, glaring at the four of them, which wasn't very effective because, you know, it was a tiny fluffy chinchilla.

"I'm going to make him so many tiny hats," Parker whispered, eyes big.

312 notes - Posted April 16, 2022

#2

Finland is wearing a raincoat to protect himself from all the body glitter backstage.

325 notes - Posted May 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

New Leverage Redemption trailer really went like ‘we don’t have Hardison for all the episodes but when we do he is the sexiest motherfucker alive’, huh.

591 notes - Posted September 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[invisibleraven]

They share one braincell for the polycule of your choice because... well, it's true for most of them.

Alex normally considers himself the smart one out of his bandmates. Or at least, the one that keeps them out of trouble the most when it comes down to it.

This is of course before he started dating said bandmates.

Luke proves pretty adept at getting Alex to do things, though normally he does so while laying a line of tender kisses down Alex's neck, so can blame him for agreeing to things like breaking into the Orpheum to play?

Reggie is an expert at the puppy dog eyes, and since Alex can't bear to make Reggie said, he usually gives into them, even if he regrets it later when they're running from the night staff at the animal shelter.

It gets worse once they bring Willie into the relationship. He is the epitome of be gay do crime, and we'll, Luke and Reggie are all in. Even if the spray paint activates Alex's asthma and causes the cops to find them spraying downtown.

Thankfully Julie is nice about being woken up in the middle of the night to bail them out of jail, though her unimpressed glare makes them all feel about two inches tall.

She smacks Luke upside the head, and tells Willie to go fetch their stuff and make it snappy.

"Yes ma'am," he whimpers, dragging Reggie along with him, and saying in a low voice "Man you weren't kidding about her being scary when she's mad!"

"Be happy she didn't bring Victoria dude, she'd probably have them keep us here."

Then it's Alex's turn. He thanks Julie in a sheepish voice and is prepared to hovel in gratitude, especially when she hands over his spare puffer, letting him suck the medication down before she levels her judgement. "I expect better of you. You're supposed to keep the idiots in line!"

"The paint triggered my asthma!" Alex protested.

"Which you knew would happen, so why you agreed to go along with this asinine plan is beyond me. I am tempted to break out my papi's favourite line about not being mad but disappointed in you," Julie says, then sighs. "I should have known you guys would all start to share the one braincell once you got together."

"I really am sorry, but you trying having Willie smile at you and saying no!" Alex claims.

"I have," Julie replies. "Love makes you dumb, I get it. Just... no more felonies please?"

The guys all promise, crossing their hearts and everything, and also promise to make it up to Julie after she drops them off home.

And they do. Mainly by not ragging on her too hard when she almost falls over herself doing stupid stuff once she gets together with Flynn. Even if Alex does tease her that he's got her bail money saved if she ever needs it. The punch she gives his arm stings, but in the end, he feels like it was worth it.

[multimetaverse]

Riverdale 5x10 Recap

Bold move kissing your boss Jughead

Glen really out here trying to get to know Betty’s family better when they’re searching for her missing, possibly murdered, sister??

10 agents to search 321 kilometres of highway doesn’t sound very efficient

Extremely realistic that the FBI would task the daughter of a serial killer, whose sister is missing, with going over the tapes of her serial killer father

Gotta love how they did a 7 time jump to age the kids but they’re lives still revolve around the High School. At least this is the first Parent-Teacher night we’ve seen on the show

Does it even really matter if Chadwick doesn’t sign the divorce papers? At best all he can do is delay it

I’m shooketh that Cheryl called Nana Rose out for acting insane. Methinks the pot is calling the kettle black

What a bizarre use of the budget to rent out the park and hire those background extras just for this scene of Jughead’s agent walking to a bench holding a hotdog

Hiram really needs to do something really evil soon. He’s becoming a parody of himself, he’s literally plotting to disrupt the fucking parent-teacher night at the high school. And why does he just have Reggie for a henchman? 

Lmao he’s mining for some metal called palladium under his prison? I’m getting real Avatar (the James Cameron movie) and unobtanium vibes from this plot. Well good luck taking down the Blossoms

I sure would like to know which enemy was able to kill 10 American soldiers in a single battle. Also the Silver Eagle is a boy scouts medal lmao

Are they trying to set it up so that Hal was murdering sex workers he met off a knockoff Craigslist like the Long Island Serial killer is believed to have done? 

Oh no Chad has discovered Veronica’s open and public relationship with Archie

Is Archie really trying to equate him not wanting this medal to soldiers refusing to carry out illegal orders?

Nana Rose looking at Reggie like he’s a full course meal

Tabitha can do way better than Jughead

Maple mushrooms... my god the drugs on this show

Omfg this callback to the helicopter crash. Well this scene sure seems like setup for some sort of disaster to befall Varchie

Well not surprising that the twins have issues given their ancestry and home lives

Surely Cheryl would also need to sign off on any sale of the Blossom groves

Omg we finally got some background info on the war!! Archie was in Uzbekistan! The writers might have well just have said he was fighting in Afghanistan since they just ended up picking a nearby central Asian Muslim majority country

So General Taylor might have set Archie up on a dirty mission eh?

Hahaha Glen really thinks that his dissertation on the Cooper family’s dark history is gonna impress Betty

Oh hey Uncle Frank! looks like he really did turn himself in for his crimes after all

Good on Cheryl for assuming power of attorney for Nana Rose and thwarting Hiram’s takeover 

Chad is being way too chill about the dissolution of his marriage (In fairness to Chad I think a tour of London dungeons would be a great date)

Not Cheronica having more chemistry during their divorce than they did during their marriage 

That’s Hiram’s big plan? A prison break at his private prison?? Even if it ‘ruined’ Riverdale it’s bound to backfire when there’s an investigation of his management of the prison!

Reggie really just started a forest fire huh

Why is general Taylor there for parent-teacher night?

Omg Charles and Chic! And Chic has hideously long hair!

Hope Alice is right that Charles and Chic aren’t gonna hurt them

I had to pause for 30 seconds to laugh, this is too good. The first gay wedding on Riverdale is gonna be between Charles and Chic! And Alice is gonna be the minister! Moments like this are why I still watch this train wreck of a show

Pretty brutal fight scene. Clearly Archie picked up some tricks while serving in Uzbekistan

Well congrats to the Charles x Chic shippers, it took a while but you got your endgame

Oh Archie, it’s not like American High Schools aren’t full of guns

Well Betty just stabbed one gay man and shot another, homophobic queen

Don’t think we needed to spend quite this much time on Jughead tripping balls

Yaaas Penelope! I love this Blossom dialogue, one of the other reasons I still suffer through this show

Kinda surprising that it took this long for Chad to be revealed as a financial crook. It’s a hollow threat however, he can still testify against Veronica if they’re still married, he just can’t be compelled to

Guess they all escaped the school? 

Love that Archie is just harbouring his fugitive Uncle like it’s no big deal

Looks like god (or the devil) listened to the Blossoms’ prayers and saved Thornhill

If Hiram is so concerned about shutting down the school why not just burn it down?

Well good thing Glen and Charles survived (what about Chic though?)

Is Betty going undercover as a truck driver?

Ru-oh Raggy that blood in the bunker and no Jughead sure looks bad

Well that was a pretty good mid-season finale by Riverdale standards. Until we meet again Riverdalers

[tabloidtoc]

National Enquirer, April 5

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Meghan Markle's secret psych analysis

Page 2: Heather Locklear has put on a lot of weight since she got out of rehab last fall -- she looks to be carrying 170 pounds on her five-foot-five frame and she looks to have gained 35 pounds

Page 3: Miranda Lambert has taken another swipe at ex Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani by dissing their upcoming nuptials -- Miranda has been urging mutual friends to skip the wedding and she's got everyone in Nashville and beyond all riled up and either you're Team Miranda or you're Team Blake, and if you're with him you can forget about being friends with her and she's forcing people to choose sides and she'll have no qualms cutting off anyone who attends Blake's wedding

Page 4: Alex Rodriguez struck out with fiancee Jennifer Lopez after she discovered his hot-and-heavy direct messages to a long string of women -- their four-year romance went foul after Southern Charm's Madison LeCroy publicly admitted she'd been in touch with A-Rod and Jennifer found out he'd reached out to other beauties through social media and Jennifer had had enough

* Concerned mom Jennifer Garner is struggling to cement her relationship with daughter Violet now that the 15-year-old is barreling through the turbulent teens -- Jennifer said the heartbreak is just that she's growing up at all and it's heartbreaking for the mom and for the teenager, needing to have that kind of severing of this baby-mama tie

Page 5: Chris Brown's spacey social media posts about aliens have close pals concerned about the R&B crooner, including his once-battered ex Rihanna -- Chris is obsessed with conspiracy theories and all things supernatural

Page 6: Disgraced Felicity Huffman is fuming about scuffling for plum parts while rumors swirl fellow felon Lori Loughlin has already been invited back into her old TV series and Felicity can't understand why she is being forced to go through the whole audition process while Lori seems to be welcomed back with open arms -- though she hates to do it, Felicity feels the only way she can get attention is to do a tell-all interview about her humiliating part in the scandal -- Felicity has scored a part in the ABC pilot Sacramento River Cats, though there is no guarantee the project will make it onto the air, but insiders and fans of the hit Hallmark series When Calls the Heart have all been filling the internet with talk of Lori's rumored return -- Felicity believes the only way to get public sympathy is to spill her guts, even though all she wants is put the scandal far behind her

Page 8: Stressed Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon has been packing on the pounds as his talk show continues to battle with Stephen Colbert's Late Show and Jimmy Kimmel Live in the late-night ratings and Jimmy has been partying and pigging out to find any comfort he can as Tonight continues to trail the field in total viewers and Jimmy is over 200 pounds for the first time in his life and it's because he's overindulging to compensate for the show's struggles and Jimmy and the gym do not mix even though he had a full fitness center installed at his New York apartment years ago

* Debilitated diva Liza Minnelli's 75th birthday party turned into a disaster when her frail physical condition alarmed friends -- celebrity pals also joined a virtual bash for the legend, even though Liza insisted she didn't want a big fuss and Liza's manager threw the small dinner party on her birthday and about eight people, including Joan Collins, attended in person and several other friends, including Barbra Streisand, recorded video messages and performances for Liza but before the party, Liza was in such bad shape she told friends that she didn't want to participate or be seen on camera -- in the end, Liza, who's undergone multiple surgeries and struggled with substance abuse for years, agreed to join the gathering at the L.A. home of her longtime protege Michael Feinstein and Liza sang but she didn't look well and her voice is shot to pieces and she was propped up in a chair and barely moved from it because she can't walk well anymore and during a live chat during the party the hashtag #FreeLiza started to pop up and not everyone meant it as a joke and there's a feeling certain people have taken over her life and longtime friends have been frozen out and they fear she'll never appear in public again and they won't see her again before she dies -- when friends saw the videos the next day they were upset and very worried, saying Liza really appears to have declined

Page 9: Angelina Jolie has fired a shocking new salvo against ex Brad Pitt over custody of their five youngest children and her latest court documents allege domestic violence and even worse, some of the nearly dozen papers Angie just filed offer up a few of the kids to testify against their dad and Angie is now claiming she can offer proof and authority of domestic violence but Brad's lawyers are expected to respond with a vehement denial -- with the newest court filings, all of which are sealed, Angie is determined to get full custody of the kids and Angelina has fought tooth and nail to get what she wants in this divorce and when it comes to her kids she won't back down

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Farrah Abraham in a bikini, 50 Cent chased away his thirst with a drink at an Atlanta eatery, Natasha Lyonne of Russian Doll was on her game while playing chess on the NYC set, Selma Blair met up with a pal in Studio City, Reggie Bush showed he's still in fine form during a Mexican vacay

Page 11: Gwyneth Paltrow isn't above using a little goop to smooth out the age lines -- the lifestyle guru recently admitted to resorting to a teeny drop of Xeomin, which claims to be a uniquely purified choice for frown lines, to help her look less pissed off but she also admitted her history with fillers hasn't always been happy and she had a midlife crisis when she turned 40 and she went to see this doctor and it was a disaster and she was bruised and her forehead was completely frozen and she didn't look like herself at all -- she also admitted she believes there is still a lot of shame around surgery or injectables or fillers and it's like admitting a vulnerability -- she said she thinks aging is hard and when you see your face start to change, you don't necessarily feel your most beautiful, externally, but the irony is it's that time in your life when you actually really like yourself and love yourself

* Wendy Williams' handpicked hunk Mike Esterman has better buckle up because the daytime diva has already mapped out their future, and he's in for a wild ride -- Wendy boasted she chose her Maryland-based beau after receiving hundreds of submissions to her Date Wendy segment, but she's aiming to renovate the contractor and it's all about image, stylists and bodyguards for Wendy right now and she's already got a reality show in the works for them, a TV crew and photographers trailing them everywhere and his-and-her makeovers too -- she's gone from zero to 60 with this guy in a matter of days

Page 12: Straight Shuter gossip column -- Miley Cyrus is going country after her last two albums tanked -- Miley offended her core audience with her outrageous behavior and punk sound and she's signed with a new record label and the plan is to reintroduce her to the country audience that loved her dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, and once loved her -- Miley's behavior has overshadowed her talent for years and her new team will guide Miley back to her roots in the world of country and finding the right sound should be easy but can Miley find the right behavior

* Gayle King owes her glow on CBS This Morning to a new makeup artist and after being tended to by a fill-in makeup artist and told she looked better than ever, Gayle quietly dismissed her longtime makeup man but there's an unspoken code of ethics in the pro makeup world that if you're asked to replace a longtime client's makeup person, the appropriate answer is no

* The Sex and the City reboot isn't all cosmos and roses -- Sarah Jessica Parker was the show's executive producer, giving her much more power than her co-stars, but Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis will also executive produce the reboot and there's already tension -- sharing power is hard for anyone who's been the boss for years and it isn't one big happy family

* Rachel Brosnahan gets some puppy love on the set of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (picture)

Page 13: The knives are out for self-appointed queen bee of The Talk Sharon Osbourne after she was exposed as TV's meanest host -- the salty motormouth has been accused of a barrage of racist and anti-gay zingers, forcing the gabfest to go on hiatus while CBS investigates the claims -- former host Leah Remini claimed Sharon would frequently refer to then-co-host Julie Chen, who is Chinese American, as 'wonton' and 'slanty eyes' and Sharon also reportedly referred to her out lesbian co-host Sara Gilbert as 'p--sy licker' and 'fish eater' -- in a tweet, Holly Robinson Peete implied Sharon's racist comments led to her leaving the show -- Sharon also chased Marie Osmond on the show last fall and tried to take it over after Julie Chen quit in 2018 -- Sharon has denied all claims against her -- Sharon's big personality is central to The Talk, but some of these allegations, although none have yet been proven, are the kind of remarks that could be career-ending

Page 14: Crime

Page 16: Demi Lovato's shocking admission that she continues to puff pot and swill booze after multiple rehab stints and a near-fatal drug overdose has pals and addiction experts convinced the singer is courting disaster -- she dropped the bombshell in a recent interview and claimed indulging in those vices has helped her fend off more serious addictions and the chronic depression that has dogged her entire life -- Demi came very close to dying three years ago after she overdosed on opioids and it triggered three stokes and a heart attack, and a lot of people were terrified she would never recover and her friends are convinced she's put herself right back on the same self-destructive path -- Demi claimed she was sexually assaulted by her dealer on the day of her almost-fatal OD and when her assistant found her unconscious and surrounded by vomit following the wild binge, she was naked and she was blue and she was left for dead and she had unknowingly taken heroin that was laced with the powerful drug fentanyl

Page 17: Devastated Lisa Marie Presley is finding comfort in the arms of her first husband, Danny Keough, after their son Benjamin Keough's suicide -- Danny has given her a shoulder to cry on and he's the only one who can understand the despair she feels after losing Benjamin -- Lisa Marie has been inconsolable since Benjamin died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound and she's moved in with Danny in Woodland Hills, California and she's also struggled with substance abuse and the stress of an ongoing divorce battle from fourth husband Michael Lockwood -- although her marriage to Danny ended in 1994, he's remained close to the family, working as a driver and handyman for their actress daughter, Riley Keough and Riley couldn't be happier that her dad has been so helpful to her mother and it's taking a full team to keep Lisa Marie together and Danny was definitely proven he's still on her team

* The sudden death of Bobby Brown Jr. remains shrouded in mystery as the 28-year-old's autopsy report was placed on a security hold following a request from the LAPD -- the namesake son of Bobby Brown and his ex-girlfriend Kim Ward lived with his famous father in Encino, California, where the singer found him responsive -- Bobby Jr. has been doing drugs with pals and insiders suspected he was deliberately dosed with a fatal cocktail of booze, cocaine and painkillers

Page 18: American Life

Page 19: Tina Turner is using a new documentary about her life as a final farewell to fans after the R&B icon was rocked by a string of physical and mental health woes including the crippling effects of a 2013 stroke -- the eye-opening documentary Tina is a love letter to her millions of supporters and the punctuation mark to a life defined by startling professional success and heartbreaking personal catastrophes -- Tina admitted she's had an abusive life but at a certain stage forgiveness takes over -- in the documentary Tina confessed she suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder and has frightening flashbacks of being savagely beaten throughout her hellish 16-year marriage to the late Ike Turner and Tina's current husband, German music producer Erwin Bach, even compared his spouse to a shell-shocked soldier -- more recently, Tina has been battered by health crises after suffering a stroke in 2013 and being diagnosed with intestinal cancer three years later, mere months before her kidneys failed and Erwin donated one of his own to save her life -- Tina knows the end is near and this film is truly her last encore

Page 20: Match Game -- a round up of male and female celebs who look astonishingly similar, despite their opposite genders -- Sophie Turner and Boy George, Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber, Timothee Chalamet and Natalia Dyer, Tom Cruise and Tig Notaro

Page 21: Melissa McCarthy and Ricky Gervais, Eva Marcille and Terrence Howard, Bret Michaels and Fergie, Josh Hartnett and Clea DuVall

Page 22: Katy Perry sparked rumors she had finally taken the plunge with longtime love Orlando Bloom after she was seen sporting a suspicious gold band on her left ring finger while vacationing in Hawaii

* Scott Disick has confessed baby mama Kourtney Kardashian is the reason his relationships fail -- the reality TV slacker revealed his now ex-girlfriend Sofia Richie felt neglected because he spent more time with Kourtney and their three kids, saying it's definitely not easy that they see each other, work together and are friends but he's always been clear that his priority has been his kids and he even put it out there that taking care of Kourtney is one of his priorities

Page 26: Reality star fixer-uppers Jonathan and Drew Scott are sweating bullets over a lawsuit filed against their Property Brothers show by unhappy clients and the stress over the scandal is wreaking havoc with their personal lives -- Las Vegas couple Mindy and Paul King filed suit against Cineflix, the company that producers Property Brothers, and Villa Construction, a local contracting company, alleging they did a shoddy job repairing their home after the couple forked over $193,000 for renovations -- though the twin brothers aren't named in the lawsuit, they were concerned it could smear their reputations and upset their ladyloves -- Jonathan is close to marriage with actress Zooey Deschanel and Drew is wed to Linda Phan, who is the creative director for their company, Scott Brothers Entertainment -- they're both mortified by these allegations and they don't know what to tell Zooey and Linda, other than they will be cleared when the truth comes out but they're terrified that the bad press could derail the show -- Paul and Mindy answered a 2018 casting call and said they were assured all the work would be HGTV quality but Paul said that the place looks good from afar, but it's far from good and the Kings griped to the Nevada State Contractors Board, citing more than 90 complaints with the work ranging from unmatched baseboards to potential hazards -- as the case plays out, the brothers have been rattled by the controversy and they are stressed that this very public case is calling their work into question and there's a fear more people will come forward with similar charges

Page 28: Cover Story -- a top-secret psychological profile of Prince Harry's wife Meghan Markle paints the former actress as a mentally unstable ticking time bomb who couldn't cope with playing second fiddle to senior royals -- the explosive evaluation unmasks Meghan as a pathological liar and bipolar narcissist with histrionic personality disorder but the jaw-dropping findings about Meghan, who's pregnant with a sister for son Archie, don't surprise palace sources as Meghan's tears, tantrums and extreme mood swings had staffers terrified what she could do or say next and she was consumed with ambition and jealousy -- she married Harry expecting to be the royal superstar, but instead learned she'd always be second to his brother Prince William's wife, Duchess Kate and Meghan couldn't stand that she and Harry would always be in their shadow and wanted to destroy her in-laws but no one expected her to lob a nuclear grenade into her husband's family in a no-holds-barred TV special

Page 32: Health Watch

Page 34: Cara Delevingne confessed she used to be disgusted by same-sex relationships and was suicidal before coming to terms with her sexuality -- the model, who has dated actresses Michelle Rodriguez and Ashley Benson and singer St. Vincent, said she was trapped in a dark place and afraid before she publicly admitted to liking members of the same sex -- she said she grew up in an old-fashioned household and she didn't know anyone who was gay and she didn't know that was a thing and growing up she wasn't knowledgeable of the fact she was homophobic and she continued that the idea of being with same-sex partners, she was disgusted by that, in herself -- Cara, who identifies as pansexual, explained her sexual orientation is constantly changing and added she was so unhappy and she wasn't following her truth, that whole thing of having to fit into the box, she's an androgynous person

* Don McLean wants his decades-younger girlfriend to have the wedding of her dreams and he's set aside $1 million for the big day -- the American Pie singer has been dating model Paris Dylan for five years after an ugly divorce from second wife Patrisha Shnier -- Paris is totally unconcerned by the enormous age gap between the 75-year-old singer and 27-year-old model and wants to spend the rest of their lives together -- Don's going all out making sure she has the wedding that's fit for a princess and he's spending an absolute fortune, giving Paris the best of the best in terms of the venue and the food and the one-of-a-kind dress and Don's given her carte blanche to plan it however she wants, and people are expecting a seriously over-the-top affair

Page 36: Singer Andra Day turned to method acting to play jazz icon Billie Holiday, and it's paid off with an Oscar nomination -- Andra revealed she dropped 39 pounds and took up drinking and smoking to prep for the title role in the biopic The United States vs. Billie Holiday -- Andra doesn't recommend smoking and drinking, but she did it because she was just desperate for her first role -- Andra, famed for writing and performing the song Rise Up, also sings in the movie as Holiday, and changed her singing voice to reflect the music legend's pain

* Hollywood Hookups -- MTV reality stars Jenna Compono and Zach Nichols secretly tied the knot and their first child is due in August, Larsa Pippen is dating Myles Kronman, Ashley Jacobs and Mike Appel engaged

Page 38: Cindy Crawford said posing for Playboy was a snap compared to acting in movies -- Cindy said she really regrets starring in the 1995 bomb Fair Game, where she played a lawyer fighting a former KGB spy -- she said she never wanted to be an actor, but a producer begged her and he kept upping the price until she thought she'd be an idiot to say no, but she should have said no, or prepared herself better -- the experience taught her she's very comfortable in front of a camera, but only when she's being herself

* Former American Idol judge Randy Jackson is half the man he used to be and he couldn't be happier about it -- Randy has dropped a whopping 130 pounds to head off potentially deadly effects of his type 2 diabetes and did it in the healthiest ways -- he wrote in his book Body with Soul, it's a curse to be saddled with a disease that's life-threatening, but it's a blessing to get that huge wake-up call -- Randy admitted to crushing the scale at 358 pounds before getting gastric bypass in 2003 but now exercises and eats right and he's ditched sugar and gluten and he wants to be an example for other obese folks and show them they can get healthy and stay that way

Page 40: Tom Brady did an end run around fuming wife Gisele Bundchen by signing a four-year contract extension with his new Tampa Bay Buccaneers team after winning the Super Bowl -- the 43-year-old quarterback promised Gisele he would hang up his cleats after the upcoming season since winning last year's championship but changed his mind after snagging his record seventh NFL title with the Bucs -- Gisele is both angry and astonished because they had spoken about him finally settling down to be a full-time father and husband, but he can't stop chasing glory on the field and Gisele was stunned by his decision to re-up for another four years while the two were discussing expanding their brood and they had planned to have another child after buying their dream house on Indian Creek Island in Miami and they were even drawing plans for a nursery, and now that Tom's done a complete turnaround, everything is up in the air; it's caused some serious tension in their marriage

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Grammy Awards -- Billie Eilish, Megan Thee Stallion, Dua Lipa, Noah Cyrus, Lizzo, Taylor Swift

[epicmusicplays]

Hey bestie it's Beau again fhfjfihf I just can't seem to get enough of this concept /pos

Could I have 🕯Boggie🍄 ? (these emojis aren't any kinder, huh? Sorry about that fjfhkfh)

hi again!! i’m glad u like it it’s really fun to fill these ones lol

wordcount: 562

hope you enjoy these gay messes (and also me making reggie hate mushrooms because i hate mushrooms) <333

The apartment is quiet. Luke and Alex both left a couple hours ago, having been exiled by Bobby, probably, but eager to spend time with their respective dates.

It smells good, too, which Reggie spares a minute to be surprised about when he opens his bedroom door. Bobby must be cooking.

He makes his way down the hallway to the main room, smiling at the single candle in the middle of the dining room table. Bobby’s at the stove, humming quietly to himself, and Reggie makes his way over and wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s waist.

“Hey,” he says, pressing a sweet kiss to his cheek. “You’re cooking?”

Bobby nods and stirs whatever’s in the pan in front of him. “Thought I would surprise you.”

“Aw,” Reggie teases as he pulls away. “That’s sweet, babe--”

He stops dead when he sees what’s on the counter beside Bobby.

“Bobbers,” he says. “Robin. Bobby. Love of my life. Are you making mushrooms?”

Bobby turns, suddenly looking uncertain.

“Um. No?”

“Then why are there mushrooms cut up next to the stove?”

He sighs and rolls his eyes. “You can’t make risotto without mushrooms, Bug, it’s an actual crime. I don’t know what to tell you.”

Reggie pouts. “I’m not eating mushrooms.”

“They’re big pieces! You can pick them out!” Bobby holds up a piece of mushroom to prove his point. Reggie swats at him and sends it to the floor. “Reg.”

“They get their gross flavor everywhere, though!”

“Yeah, babe, that’s the point--”

“And they get all squishy and mushy and--”

“Also the point! They’re good, Reggie, I don’t know why you refuse to even try them--”

Bobby holds up one hand and both boys fall silent. He closes his eyes, runs a hand over his face, and huffs a quiet laugh. “Are we… Reg, we’ve been dating for six months, there is no way I’m gonna let us have our first real fight about mushrooms.”

Reggie giggles, once.

“That is a pretty dumb thing to argue about,” he agrees quietly. “But I still don’t wanna eat them.”

Bobby rolls his eyes.

“This is the last time I try to do something nice for my boyfriend,” he complains, even as he opens his arms for Reggie to nestle into.

“It’s really nice! I just really don’t like mushrooms.”

He laughs again. “It’s a good thing I really like you, then, otherwise your lack of taste might be an issue.”

They stand silently together in the kitchen, wrapped in each other’s arms, and start to sway slowly to the beat of their own hearts. The single candle on the table flickers just slightly.

“I really like you too,” Reggie whispers, wiggling around until he can wrap his arms around Bobby’s neck. “Like, really really like you.”

Bobby gives him a small, soft smile, and presses a kiss to his temple.

“Love you, Bug.”

Reggie beams. “Oh, thank god, I wasn’t sure if it was okay to say it yet but that’s what I meant when I said really really like because I do really really like you, but I also just… love you. I love you. A lot.”

They kiss, once, and it’s long and chaste and sweet, and when they part Bobby murmurs into the silence between them, barely above a breath, “Happy six months, love.”

“Happy six months,” Reggie answers, just as quiet.