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kyrodo · 4 months

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Marcus was a welcome sight after Ronnie & Friends shat on me and left. Marcus also played a role in my initial head canon with Ronnie. Being a horror fan, really liking pyramid head and silent hill, overall text style. Ronnie very much reminded me of Marcus in his younger years. Marcus was a college friend I met alongside Red, originally Sally.

He was crazy, he was funny, he was fun to be around, cussed freely and always had stories to tell from the darkest sides of the Internet to a loose life in highschool. It was really fun hanging out with him and he always had so much energy.

And that's partly why I thought I would get along with Ronnie just as well. But my approach to him in many ways was off. I kept throwing out all these random memories to get Ronnie up to speed on me, to catch him up to where Marcus is history wise without actually experiencing it. Even though that is not the way to approach someone old or new.

I kept wussing out, sometimes overdramatically because I didn't know if I was gonna lose Red or not. I was overreactive to any small reason I could think of, or I'd "social distance" because I felt like the subtext side of things was too toasty on his end.

But Pennsylvania was a dream future. My thought was that it'd be like how Orange County used to be for me and Red, where everybody we knew was within reach, mostly people we met at the Prancing Skiltaire. Except it'd be Ronnie's friends and I'd slowly get in touch with them the same way I did with my furry pack during college.

So a lot of my subtext respected that dream. It wasn't just Ronnie I wanted. I wanted to make friends with his to replace mine. The people I was leaving behind when I went to Utah. Utah had nothing for me. Balloontoes, Red's contact, was suicidal and had serious long-standing mental and emotional issues that put even Shadetail to shame. His friends and his wife were a very cheap replacement for my friends. We only got to see them twice, but my impressions were not good. Kitami had issues with remembering people, one of them joined us at peloton but was not a good worker, one of them was religious which I have a distaste for, and the wife was okay I guess. I didn't much care for Red having to babysit for them as they did have a baby over there, and babies remind me of my own mortality. I also don't like the smell or pretty much anything else to do with them caregiving wise. I don't find human babies cute at all. Kittens, puppies sure. A human baby is kinda disgusting. And given the sus art I'm into I don't want to associate myself any further than that for fear of what people would think of me.

I have a lot of reasons to avoid them. And back when I was about to turn 30, I wanted the least amount of reminders I was getting older as I could. In a sense my aversion to them is a childish denial of time. I wanted to be young forever. Because the happiest days of my life were in college. When I was discovering the furry fandom, going to cons being on the dance floor during cons etc. I had an extremely good time and a building social circle. And I had Red.

And I missed that so much that I wanted to recreate that time through Ronnie. Even if the way I was trying to do it was a poor attempt at best.

I never had to experience meeting someone like me growing up, and that is about as much as I can apologize for. I've never had to be around a has-been and keep them as a friend. I didn't necessarily make the effort to be all that appealing. I was always being an unhealthy looking mess. I made it clear before we met that something about me was off. Every choice I made including crushing on you was impulsive and a means of coping with where I got in life.

And I think we can both agree neither of us had to experience meeting each other at all. I have no business even being in orbit of you. Your life is way too different from mine. Having you see it firsthand why was a treat at first until I realize how openly hostile the act was towards me. My feelings used to allow me to overlook a lot of shit in temporary bursts. Since giving up completely was going to hurt more than accepting you were trying to hurt me. That's over now.

My bubble had to burst somehow. I sincerely wish you chose a better way but it made it easier to move on without looking back. Looking back used to be extremely addicting whether things were going well or not. Moreso than watching the news. But you gave me many reasons to stop.

Most of all the fact that you always took advantage of it to get to me. Guilt trip me into talking to you etc. The only way things would have truly ended is if one of us stopped completely. And I was volunteered.

The only way to stop a feedback loop is to stop giving feedback.

I did find my alternative to you. And he doesn't come with preemptive difficulty scaling. He doesn't come with your short temperment and he doesn't give up on me every chance he gets. He doesn't run away from any conversation that is remotely deep. He doesn't put me on stage for people to throw pebbles at. He's as much wrapped around my thumb as Red is and he loves Red too. What else is there to say.

You used to always be content in leaving me second guessing the meaning behind everything. I'd rather experience than guess, and I am experiencing. I am experiencing everything you pussyfooted out of being for me. And words in my world have meaning. Everything you thought wasn't even "possible" with me and Red, here we are.

Your constant riddles and off-putting reactions always made it feel like I have to prove something to you, no matter how I word anything and no matter what I'm talking about. Well I proved everything now. I proved it could have worked. I proved the only thing that made the equation fail was you. You ever want to try to debunk me again, you know where to fucking find me.

You see this huge disconnect between me irl and these angry posts? That's cause it's me and Red and you're not there. You get it yet? The Anger in me is solely devoted to you. Anger that you've done just about everything to deserve.

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lawisnotmocked · 4 years

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Queer Readings of Les Mis - Javert

Queer readings of classic literature are one of my favourite things and I’ve seen some great queer readings of Enjolras and Grantaire, and a few queer readings of Eponine and Valjean too but one queer reading that I don’t see much is of Javert, so I thought I’d do a queer reading of Javert with you guys today! This includes ace Javert, repressed gay Javert, and my ‘Javert realises he’s in love with Valjean before he dies but Valjean never realises or reciprocates his feelings’ reading so yeah be prepared for that! :’D

I feel like I should probably define what a queer reading actually is before I start because it’s a term used a lot in academia that some people might not have come across before! Queer readings are about challenging heteronormativity in texts and exploring ways in which a text can be interpreted as queer. While some queer readings of texts can focus on what the author’s potential intentions may have been, this isn’t a necessity. If you’re a younger queer person I just want to let you know that you’re allowed to want to see yourself in history and in literature, you have a right to assert your existence and you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel bad or silly for that uwu <3

Our first question is ‘is there any evidence in the brick that Javert is cishet?’ And the answer to that is there’s honestly no evidence at all to suggest that Javert is heterosexual.

In the brick we’re told that Javert isn’t really interested in anything outside of his work, including sexual and romantic relationships. The text actually suggests he’s never been in a relationship before and doesn’t desire one either - ‘And, withal, a life of privation, isolation, abnegation, chastity, with never a diversion.’ ‘As we have said, he had no vices. When he was pleased with himself, he permitted himself a pinch of snuff. Therein lay his connection with humanity.’ (1.5.5) In summary, Javert doesn’t fuck uwu Javert doesn’t have any friends either which is kinda sad someone form a human connection with this man :’3

With this evidence, one queer reading of Javert in the brick is that he’s aromantic and asexual, or somewhere on the aroace spectrum. Javert seems to have a total lack of interest in any kind of intimate relationship, and it’s entirely possible that he doesn’t experience attraction towards anyone.

Another queer reading we can take from Javert’s disinterest in relationships is that he’s attracted to men and represses all of his romantic and/or sexual feelings. Javert is really good at not thinking too hard about stuff, especially anything complicated like his own sexuality - thought was something to which he was unused, and which was peculiarly painful. (5.4.1) It’s the coping mechanism he uses to be able to maintain his black and white worldview, and it would make sense that that would extend into other areas of his personal life too.

Javert was raised in a very heteronormative society and is very respectful of authority and social norms. He’s religious just because that’s what’s socially expected of him, not because he’s thought particularly hard about his relationship with God. In his eyes, of course, the ecclesiastical authority was the chief of all; he was religious, superficial and correct on this point as on all others. (1.8.5) He knows he’s not interested in relationships with women, but he might not have even considered that being attracted to men was an alternative. Sure maybe he’s thought men were handsome before, but he literally doesn’t have the ability to reflect on what those feelings might mean for him and his sexuality. If you asked brick Javert what his sexuality was he’d probably say he was heterosexual, despite never actually experiencing sexual attraction towards women, because that’s the social default and he’s never bothered to question whether or not he might fit that default.

Alternatively, he might be aware that he is attracted to men, but that’s not a socially acceptable thing for him to feel so he just represses it along with all the other thoughts and feelings he has that question authority and the workings of society.

Revolutionary France decriminalized homosexuality in 1791, so this would be less of a legal issue for Javert than a social issue, since I’m assuming there was still a lot of social stigma surrounding being queer. I’m a queer historian but my period is medieval Europe not revolutionary France so if anyone has anything to add here please do ^^’

This wouldn’t be a Sirius Brand Meta Post if I didn’t talk about animal symbolism lol, so I’m gonna talk about animal symbolism now! Specifically the homoeroticism of the hunting symbolism and how surprising horny (voreny?) and repressed Javert is :’3

Then he began the game. He experienced one ecstatic and infernal moment; he allowed his man to go on ahead, knowing that he had him safe, but desirous of postponing the moment of arrest as long as possible, happy at the thought that he was taken and yet at seeing him free, gloating over him with his gaze, with that voluptuousness of the spider which allows the fly to flutter, and of the cat which lets the mouse run. Claws and talons possess a monstrous sensuality,—the obscure movements of the creature imprisoned in their pincers. What a delight this strangling is! Javert was enjoying himself. The meshes of his net were stoutly knotted. He was sure of success; all he had to do now was to close his hand. (2.5.10)

Like?? Hello sir are you okay?? What about this could possibly be heterosexual :’3 Dshdhdh okay I’ll go back to doing a kinda serious analysis I just have to bully Javert for being Like This :’3

Javert’s animal symbolism can actually be used as part of a queer reading as a way to understand how he emotionally reacts to things. Javert is at his most emotional in chapter 5.4.1, Javert derailed. He’s is forced to confront everything he’s denied and repressed about himself and other people, and a large portion of this chapter is dedicated to how he feels about Valjean specifically. Do I think Javert has been in love with Valjean this entire time and is finally forced to confront his feelings? No. Up until this point I think they’ve both seen each other as an inconvenience and an obstacle who they somehow keep running into, and I don’t think this changes for Valjean after he saves Javert. He just doesn’t know Javert well enough outside of ‘that one weird policeman I keep running into’ to have any strong feelings about him.

I will argue though that in Javert derailed, Javert is in love with Valjean. I’m not even sure if he’s consciously aware that that’s what he’s feeling and I don’t think he really knows how to express it either. Hugo chooses to express a lot of Javert’s more complex feelings through animalistic metaphors, because Javert feels things in a very instinctive and animalistic way, that’s just how his understanding of himself and his emotions works ^^’

When he had so unexpectedly encountered Jean Valjean on the banks of the Seine, there had been in him something of the wolf which regains his grip on his prey, and of the dog who finds his master again. (5.4.1)

Javert is clearly having very conflicted feelings about what his relationship with Valjean is after he spared his life at the barricade. There’s still that hunting instinct that tells him he’s found the convict he was tracking down, but there’s something else there too. ‘The dog who finds his master again’. I don’t know how many of you have dogs but they’re always so happy to see their humans again whenever you go somewhere! Javert is happy to see him! Javert missed him! Maybe he even feels some affection towards him! Even the wolf finding his prey is excited to see it again, and in both of these scenarios the dog and the wolf desire closeness with the object of their attention. The homoeroticism of the hunt!! The love and devotion of the dog!! Symbolically, Javert is breaking his ties with the police and forming a bond with Valjean. Emotionally he’s confused and conflicted but he knows that he wants to be close to Valjean.

In the end, ‘the dog who finds his master’ wins out over the ‘wolf which regains his grip on his prey’. Javert lets Valjean go, and then we get this:

A terrible situation! to be touched. ... to be the watch-dog, and to lick the intruder’s hand! to be ice and melt! to be the pincers and to turn into a hand! to suddenly feel one’s fingers opening! to relax one’s grip,—what a terrible thing! (5.4.1)

God the tenderness!!!! How could this not be love in Javert’s weird canid way!! The affection of the dog who licks the human’s hand, the devotion of the dog finding his master!! Javert’s utter devotion towards the society he served is now being projected onto Valjean. Javert loves Valjean. Javert is in awe of Valjean, he’s terrified of him in the same way that men are terrified of angels!

A benevolent malefactor, merciful, gentle, helpful, clement, a convict, returning good for evil, giving back pardon for hatred, preferring pity to vengeance, preferring to ruin himself rather than to ruin his enemy, saving him who had smitten him, kneeling on the heights of virtue, more nearly akin to an angel than to a man. (5.4.1)

What could this be but love from Javert? The man who spent his whole life devoted to system that placed no value on his life and ended it devoted to the man who saved it.

All of that aside, queer readings don’t have to match up with personal headcanons! I don’t want this post to feel like I’m telling you you have to interpret Javert’s character in the book the way I do, this is just one way of reading it! I love to headcanon Javert as bi but that isn’t really supported anywhere in the text lol uwu’’ A queer reading is just about queer elements that are present in the text and there is no way Inspector Javert can be read as heterosexual <3

I love genderqueer Javert headcanons too and I have genderqueer Javert feelings about the line “you’ve got a beard like a man, mother, but I have claws like a woman,” but I also don’t know how to articulate any feelings I do have about it so I’m just leaving it here. Trans rights uwu

Thank you for reading this whole thing I really appreciate it when people get something out of my rambling lol, and as always reblogs are very appreciated and anyone is very welcome to add on to this if they’d like! <3

#javert #valvert #les mis #les miserables #les mis meta #queer readings #here's my queer reading of Javert as promised uwu <3 #monsters of our making #fave posts tag

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juniperusashei · 2 years

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Awakening Osiris: The Egyptian Book of the Dead translated by Normandi Ellis - 5/5

“I remember the names of my ancestors. I speak the names of those I love. I speak their names and they live again. May I be so well-loved and remembered. In truth, may the gods hear my name. May I do work with my hands worth remembering.”

This translation came at the recommendation of like three different people independently, so I knew I had to read it, but I picked it up when I did to possibly find ways to cope with my grandmother’s departing. I came away with insight on self-reflection and self-improvement, and the knowing that this might be the same thing as remembering the dead. The language made it feel a little like reading the Bible (which makes sense, given the geographical proximity), but the content was the polar opposite. My grandmother was a religious woman, but what the rent-a-pastor at her funeral got wrong with his Protestant fatalism was she didn’t let it define her life. This book maybe gets a lot of the things right that the Bible gets wrong, that the way to revere the dead is not mourning but celebrating their life.

Example of this is that one of the most common words in this book is “I”. It feels a little like a narrative, fluctuating between first person and third-person about Osiris. But Ellis’ introduction clarifies that, while Osiris is the Egyptian god of the dead, an Osiris is anyone who follows in his footsteps, so anyone dead or alive. I read this to cope with death, but I learned more about myself… but isn’t that all the same thing because we all share the same fate? My favorite sections, from 40 to 51, “Becoming the […]” exemplify this perfectly. There’s a lot about taking your destiny in your own hands, creating yourself, becoming yourself: “Who you are is limited only by who you think you are.” So in many ways I think of this as the exact opposite of Christian dogma, and that these guys had a much healthier outlook on life and death than people centuries later.

I will say if you are looking for an academic text, this is not the version to read (a friend recommended R.O. Faulkner’s translation, which I have yet to check out, though I definitely will because this book was so meaningful to me). In the foreword, Ellis even admits, “I hesitate even to call this a translation. It is a meditation.” She changed a lot, obviously, but I respect her a lot more than for example Arthur Waley’s arrogant work in translation, because she not only shows a deep reverence for the culture, but also cites more rigorous translations and provides a concordance with the original papyrus to facilitate academic study.

#awakening osiris #the egyptian book of the dead #normandi ellis #5 #march 2022 #2022

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stupid-stew · 3 years

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character names keep me alive, toh is my lifeblood.

i am literally obsessed and this show really does provide (i still have to add more smh my head dana terrace why do you do this to me jk i love it so much please never stop) COPY AND PASTED FROM DOC UNDER BREAK

NAMES INCLUDED:

FIRST NAME

LILITH

EDA

LUZ

KING

WILLOW

GUS

ASSORTED BLIGHTS

LAST NAME

BLIGHT

CLAWTHORNE

NOCEDA

PORTER

PARK

BUMP

MISCELLANEOUS

BELOS

HIERONYMUS AND BOSCHA

ADEGAST

HOOTY

OWLBERT

KIKIMORA

GWENDOLYN

RAYNE

NOTE EVERYTHING BEFORE GWENDOLYN AS OF 6/24/21 WRITTEN WITHOUT SEASON 2 KNOWLEDGE, TO BE REVISED, REVISIONS IN BOLD!

Hello and welcome to the ramblings of a mad man. Before we get into it I think you should note that I do write like I talk because I think like a talk and I write how I think, so if you are confused as to why it sounds like i’m not making sense its because I'm not making sense also my capitalization and punctuation suck so sorry about that but we don’t have time for technicalities in this house. TO ADVENTURE!

FIRST NAME

LILITH

EDA

LUZ

KING

WILLOW

GUS

ASSORTED BLIGHTS

LAST NAME

BLIGHT

CLAWTHORNE

NOCEDA

PORTER

PARK

BUMP

MISCELLANEOUS

BELOS

HIERONYMUS AND BOSCHA

ADEGAST

HOOTY

OWLBERT

KIKIMORA

GWENDOLYN

RAYNE

GILBERT

FIRST NAME

LILITH

Ok so because I'm lilith’s bitch we are gonna start with her because her name is so cool and I love her and we should be besties Lilith hmu. Anyways as most people know Lilith is a pre existing mythological character which makes this very much good because that means it’s all outlined. Most people know her as a demonic figure, which I very much dig but similar to our lovely queen of curses out here, that's not all she is. There isn’t going to be a chronological explanation of similarities and conclusions, cope. The basic gist is that Lilith was this chick with fiery red hair (this is important iykyk) who refused to be beneath or below adam, more specifically to subjugate to him, funny because of the tapestry with belos what says subjugation on it, probably a coincidence but I do not believe in coincidence right now. Anyways basically she runs off and becomes this chick who like snatches children and will make them sick if they don’t have an amulet with the names Senoy, Sansenoy, or Semangelof on them, thats a different story but what I find interesting is this one passage,

“(12) Her nobles shall be no more, nor shall kings be proclaimed there; all her princes are gone. (13) Her castles shall be overgrown with thorns, her fortresses with thistles and briers. She shall become an abode for jackals and a haunt for ostriches. (14) Wildcats shall meet with desert beasts, satyrs shall call to one another; There shall the Lilith repose, and find for herself a place to rest. (15) There the hoot owl shall nest and lay eggs, hatch them out and gather them in her shadow; There shall the kites assemble, none shall be missing its mate. (16) Look in the book of the LORD and read: No one of these shall be lacking, For the mouth of the LORD has ordered it, and His spirit shall gather them there. (17) It is He who casts the lot for them, and with His hands He marks off their shares of her; They shall possess her forever, and dwell there from generation to generation.”

And there are separate part of this that I find relevant, especially the description of the location, i’m not all that familiar with symbolism of animals in religious texts, so i’m gonna take it at face value and say that this is more or less a description that could be given to the physical owl house itself, sort of a place for people who don’t fit in, its a little messy and I guess one could say overgrown, but it’s a place for anyone, a place to rest now hopefully for Lilith away from the coven, there shall the Lilith repose. On top of that we see the “the hoot owl…” and you’re probably thinking what that so crazy wacko because like why are they referring to Lilith as the hoot owl isn't Eda the owl lady, yes she is. That’s why the actual meanings of lilith’s name that come from her mythological depiction as a demon lady are so important. We have night monster, night owl, night spectre, vampires, night hag, night creature, nightjar (which is another kind of bird), and night bird, all of these seem to fit lilith’s dark aesthetic very nicely which is very good for her, but there are two other ones, hot owl and screech owl, which draw her closer to Edaand away from the coven and her depiction in the mid-later episodes of the show as a monster for cursing eda, but also the name night monster could come into play if while sharing the curse Lilith acquired some of its traits, similar to Ed aas the owl beast. Ultimately, we have this little red head girl who eventually fights back against the men who are attempting to get her to be under them, for the character that is belos, for the other Lilith that is adam, god, and his angels, and now hopefully both of them will find solace and repose among the owls in a place they never thought they’d belong. All this talk of owls and god brings us into the other clawthorne baddie:

Lilith did find her repose! I love her staying in the owl house, get it queen oh yuh.

EDA

For this I'm going to use her full name edalyn, because you know like that’s just how it be it is her name. There isn’t a wiki page for her name like there is for Lilith which makes this a little bit harder but the general consensus seems to be that it means something along the lines of “gift of god”, which I find very interesting. If you are going to name a child gift of god i’m assuming that you are referring to the child themselves, but I don’t think that really applies to eda. I’m not religious, but its my impression that someone who lies, cheats, pranks, and steals their way to the top and isn’t exactly the most responsible witch on the isles and might not be the best gift god could give. I do really love Eda though, her character flaws are still a part of her character, but I think this refers to her powers. Eda considers herself to be the boiling isles gift to magic, which I mean like, have you seen the woman. In agony of a witch we see her at what probably 30% of her power with how much the curse was already tolling on her and how much magic she was probably using to fight it off, and like goddamn. She was almost beating lilith, definitely beating the shit out of her, but she was almost defeating Lilith who was at her full power, and that is just a fraction of what she used to be able to do. Her powers were a gift of god, and I think that the loss of them will greatly affect her. She’s already admitted that she doesn’t know how to do much without her magic, and I think going straight from the second most powerful witch on this isles to having no power at all is going to be incredibly taxing on her, physically and mentally.

Luckily for her the name edalyn also means patience, another thing about her name is that it not only means gift of god, but also similar things like gifted by the gods or even goddess, and this draws a connection to Lilith who is named after a demonic figure, casted out for having defied god, they are quite literally polar opposites on the name spectrum, and we see that a lot in the show, they are completely different people, I mean have you looked at them they don’t even look related, but the funnier thing is that their personalities do the same thing. You’d expect Edain her youth to be a gift from the devil, just ask principal bump, and Lilith seemed to be a goody two shoes who worked her ass off, their names could be switched based off their characters alone.

A random baby name site I found said that :

“Persons with the name edalyn are usually highly flexible and well equipped to making and accepting change throughout their life. They always seek excitement and are sometimes a bit of a risk taker. They are imaginative, and often, through their unconventional way of thinking, are naturally able to solve complex problems with ease. They are quick thinkers and observers who are clever, analytical and versatile”

Which I mean like very much applies to eda, she takes change like a champ, either genuinely or by pretending she’s ok with everything, and is always seeking excitement. Like literally all of the time. Always. I think she takes felonies as a compliment, and one of the biggest changes in her life that she genuinely was able to adapt to and appreciate was

OH MY GOD HER LEARNING THE NEW GLYPHS WAS SO CUUUUTTTEEE, I love her being able to adapt, she really is doing well. As the beginning of separate tides shows, she’s working around it, and is doing a damn good job, living up to her name.

LUZ

Ok I think at this point everyone knows that at this point the name Luz means light, and if you didn't, oopsies now you do. The character Luz was named and designed after a real life person the miss dana terrace knew at the time she was starting to really think about the show, Luz ’s personalty comes more from dana herself and we love that, but the character has really started to grow into her name. This is made most obvious when the first spell Luz learns is the light glyph, not only coming into her own as a witch, but also starting to live up to her name, which along with light also has to do with “Our Lady of Light”, which is the virgin mary, fitting her right in with the other biblical names we got going on here. I really want to stress that I know next to zero about religion, and all of the connections I am making come from wikipedia, so bare with me here. But most of the time mary seems to be this pure, saint like figure, which I think is what a lot of people see Luz as, especially on the isles. I’m going to flat out say that this is in no way meant to pass off Luz as simple minded, pure, or oblivious, because we have seen what that girl is willing to do, she faced death and poked him in the with an ice cicle. In terms of life on the isles, however, she is more or less pure and sheltered, she’s completely new to the world she’s in, but she does quickly adapt, and shows more of her strong side, and remains a good person throughout all of it, taking losses as they come, and not letting them remain losses at the same time.

Back to the whole light thing, we already touched on the whole literal bit of her and the light spell, but can you think of a better way to describe Luz ? She literally brings light everywhere she goes, even Eda admits that she’s changed things for the better, for everyone around her too. Willow got a new friend, probably the first friend she’s had in a long time, and even got to begin repairing her relationship with amity, and got placed in the plant track so she could do the things she loves, all because of Luz . Edagot to grow as a person and a mentor, and finally got someone willing to accept all her eda-ness, unconditionally, someone to really care about that really cares about her back, all because of Luz . Amity got a friend who cares about her, not just her family name and money, someone who supports her and will do anything for her because she is her friend, and a bit of self discovery along the way for amity, all because of Luz . Not a single person on the isles who has had more than 2 minutes of interaction with Luz hasn’t had their lives improved, even belos got his portal, and the thing is that even characters who people might not even consider changed have been, characters such as

Luz my beloved, she seems a little bit less of a light this season, and i do mean little. That’s totally fine though, it’s expected, i didn’t want her to just be this bright shining star after the events of the last two episodes of season 1, and appreciate her going and starting to take the fantasy of the isles with more than just a grain of salt. Obviously like in escaping expulsion, she’s still trying her best to make everything better and make friends with everyone, but there’s something a little different about it and i’m here for it tbh.

KING

The name king itself is obvious, he is royalty, the king of demoNS HIMSELF ASMODEUS hahahaha pulled a sneaky on you now accept my ideas as your own. I am on a mythological name kick, deal with it. The most important thing here is in the bible, asmodeus poses himself as a false god, which I know is something we have all considered with king, that he might be a full on liar, not be a king of anything and is just your ordinary street demon, it’s even come up in the show with him calling himself the king of artists and Luz asking him if he was just making it up at this point. It’s a good theory, I can see it, and this could be used as proof. There is also another legend that paints him as a good natured dude, who eventually banishes the king by literally throwing him, and then he loses his powers and is banished, but this is also the same legend where he marries Lilith and that is not something I am down for. There is another text in which he tells the king (the same one he threw in the other one) that his kingdom will one day be divided and the king does not believe him, and this is the same text where he admits to hating water and birds because they remind him of god. Lets think class, who has the god name and is related to birds here? King’s name by itself holds true to his character, who (regardless of if it is truthful or not) holds himself as if he is a king, and he isn't the only one with a name like that, there is also

WILLOW

Ok I know we all thought it, willow, the plant girl, how fiendishly clever. This also happens to be the only descriptor for her name I could find, which is totally fine because I think it’s a very cute name and willow is also very cute. This means we get to go into the symbolism of the willow tree wwwooooOOOOO aren’t you so very excited I know I am. Its kind of interesting, willow trees seem to match the character, understanding, warm, a safe space really, but most of all the ability to let go of pain and suffering, sometimes outright ignore it, and move on. Willow does always say out of sight out of mind does she not? She is willing to ignore, even excuse people bullying her, be it bosha or even amity, and the moment she got the chance her inner willow decided to try and literally burn the painful memories she had, willing to cause damage just to forget. Willow as a character is very willing to move on like nothing happened most of the time, key word most because another thing about willows is the ability to grow from the pain. Before understanding willow, we never really saw willow stand up for herself until she really had to, but hy the end of the episode she is willing to tell amity that she isn’t willing to fully forgive her, but she’s willing to grow and try. Heck, we see this over the entire first season, we see this little girl who can barely pull it together long enough to stand up for herself grow into this amazing character willing to publicly oppose the emperor and break into his castle for her friend, she tried to full out attack Lilith when 19 episodes earlier she wasn’t able to stand up to amity for bullying her. And I am in no way calling willow weak, she never was, she just needed to find the ability to show everyone that she’s strong, god I love willow so much, you wanna know who else loves willow?

GUS

Gus, my main man, love you but for this we are gonna have to use the full on augustus sorry babes. The name augustus means majestic, or venerable, which while I must say that the illusion of kiki doing the worm was probably one of the most majestic things I have ever seen, I’m going to focus on venerable a bit more here. Venerable is a big word, it means “accorded a great deal of respect, especially because of age, wisdom, or character.”, which for gus the age part might play a smaller part here, but he is good as what he does, Luz and willow both respect him, Eda Respects him, he’s this little dude who is younger than everyone and has to rely on his ability to succeed, not only with his power but with his personality. Gus seems to be confident in himself, communicating with everyone regardless of who they are or what power they hold, similarly to willow he was willing to do anything to help Luz , leading into the second description of venerable, “heroic in nature”. Now, you might be wondering, bestie where ever did you get that description, it totally wasn’t from a religious page okyesitwas but that's fine because being pronounced venerable guarantees a spot in heaven so get it bestie. Overall, the general meaning for augustus is that they are strong, respectable, and powerful, which takes us right into the

Gus, shawty, ily but please stop the obsession with death babes ur starting to scare me. I hope with the upcoming Gus content in TTLGR we will see more of him growing into his powers and such.

ASSORTED BLIGHTS

The blight first names bring me joy so I am putting amity last because I think its really funny, starting off with alador, the name alador evokes diplomacy, correctness, and confidence. We know zilch about alador, but if the vibes of the blight family have anything to say it’s definitely something along those lines. The name odalia means wealth, which I mean like have you seeeen blight manor? Also back at it again with the fact that it’s a variant of the name odilia, like the saint olilia which I don't have ties for you right now because again, we know nothing about her. Edric also means wealth, fortune, riches, powerful, you get the vibes, same thing with emira which means commander, or prince, princess, leader, or star. So you know like we have all these super powerful names happening, and then, oh boy and then we get to little miss perfect herself, amity blight. It means friendship, or harmony. If I was her I would be so mad at my parents like yall have these mad powerful names and I got stuck with friendship? Hand me the emancipation papers. You know what they say, friendship is the real magic (even if no longer taught in schools due to budget constraints). I hope that this leads more into season 2 with amity working on her friendships and ultimately her relationships in general, which we got a bit of already with her working on repairing her relationship with willow, and making the moves to cut off old toxic friendships and moving into more genuine ones with willow, Luz , and gus. I guess you could say that the only thing ALL the blights have in common with each other is their

They are rich assholes, alador is a little wacko, odalia is hot asf dana seriously what the hell man that was out of pocket. The only thing about alador that lives up to his name is his money, odalia seems more obsessed with image and money, and i too am obsessed with her image literally boy what the hell boy.

LAST NAME

BLIGHT

The word blight by itself means a plant disease which boy oh boy can you believe how nicely that fits into amity bullying willow because I sure can. Outside of just the plant bit it overall just means like something that damages another thing, and this works beautifully for each member of the family. The parents are damaging their children, the twins just causing general damage, and amity and her goddamn relationships, but fortunately that whole plant thing brings us into the next couple of last names

CLAWTHORNE

The last name clawthorne means “cold or exposed thorn tree” which had me kind of like what the heck so I went off and had some fun and got you some presents that I think are funny, so there was this guy right, his name was joseph clawthorne, and he created the term whiffenpoof, which is the name for a wildly fictitious animal, things like a jackalope, or even a griffin with spider breath, though I guess that would be the work of a

NOCEDA

Back again with the trees good lord, it means field of nut trees, so again I went into prominent people an found this guy named jorge noceda sanchez, he was a painter and some of his works are kinda baller actually it seems like something that would fit in on the isles, but also not all of the names have a deeper meanings, names like

PORTER

Ok I am like pretty sure this was just meant to be a play on the fact that gus’ dad’s name is perry and is a reporter, get it, perry porter, perry porter, reporter, but nonetheless I did some digging because why the heck not, it means doorkeeper, or gate keeper, someone who guards something like an important building, which honestly I think this would be a good last name for hooty if he ever gets one, but again not all of these are important names at the moment, or maybe they won't ever be at all, names like

PARK

At first I was kinda like l m a o willow park plant girl hahahahah plants in the park parks have trees willow is a tree but then I remembered that someone pointed out that park is a traditionally korean surname and then like a week later disney posted about it for aisian pacific american heritage month which kind of confirmed it, and I don’t know if the whole intention behind it was to establish willow as representation or not, but the surname park by itself means gourd and willow I am so sorry that is so unfortunate LMAOSIFN

BUMP

To be honest I was not expecting bump to have a last name that meant anything but it means swift walker and I think thats funny so you have to know it now

MISCELLANEOUS

BELOS

BIIIITCH LISTEN UPPPP there is a butt tone of mythology surrounding his name and its mostly a different form of it, belus, that is referenced, but same thing different shape. Most of his depiction is as a great king or ruler, in babylonian mythology being the equivalent of zeus of jupiter, which liiikkkkkeeeoajolnjojnkjakjavnjfvdfkjf but its fine everything is great its all ok most importantly, he is recognized as the god or ruler of war, and in that same mythology he lived in babylon, which “... was originally water, and called a sea. But Belus put an end to this, and assigned a district to each, and surrounded Babylon with a wall; and at the appointed time he disappeared.” and idk about you but the smell of him assigning a divide and disappearing smells sour like funky to me babes

HIERONYMUS AND BOSCHA

I am only putting this here because the fact that it’s totally a play on hieronymus bosch makes me cackle and you all have to know it thank you

ADEGAST

B-but brevyn he was only there for like one episode, yeah ok and? Radegast is the slavic god of hospitality, and there is no host like a host that pretends to take you on a mythical quest and then tries to eat you and your mentor and her deranged cat demon, ok? His name translates to “dear guest” or “welcomed guest” and I mean I think if my host tried to suck me into some fantasy would delusion i’d feel pretty welcomed

HOOTY

He is an owl

OWLBERT

He is also an owl

KIKIMORA

First and foremost, she is a little night gremlin who hates children and I think that really fits her, but she is also a little house demon, who is very difficult to get to leave, have we seen her outside the castle? Will she be a spy along with the mask next season? She also has a name that means nightmare or night demon, similar to a certain other night creature we might have heard of a while ago. She tried to strangle children and I love that for her,and she is described as a little old ugly messy haired lady and I feel like her current character has the personality of one so i’ll take it, but what really gets me is her villain origin story, which is that she "grows up with a magician in the mountains. From dawn to sunset the magician’s cat regales Kikimora with fantastic tales of ancient times and faraway places, as Kikimora rocks in a cradle made of crystal. It takes her seven years to reach maturity, by which time her head is no larger than a thimble and her body no wider than a strand of straw. Kikimora spins flax from dusk and to dawn, with evil intentions for the world.”

GWENDOLYN

Ok, the queen herself, haven’t met her yet but like who knows. Not really a whole lot here (my ears are ringing oops one sec ok i’m back hi) anyways um uh rings? Her name right off the bat has a lot to do with rings, and really that only applies to eda, because her ring was a big thing for her, she gave it to lilith, we all watched wing it like witches you know what’s up, but i mean like was that gwen’s ring? I really wanted the hand on eda’s wall to be gwen’s, very upset to see she has all of her body parts so far. I am also not sure if that’s how it’s spelled, but it means the same thing anyways. Also meaning fair or blessed, any woman who created both eda and lilith is probably mad powerful and we love to see it, also she’s a beastkeeper and i like i want to talk about that with eda’s curse but now is not the time for shenanigans (that’s a lie every time is the time for shenanigans i’m just exhausted)

RAYNE

Bitch, sorry, ok listen like um sidebar I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS CHARACTER AND YOU ALL NEED TO KNOW IT but also at this point i’m not really sure about this character, is this their name, is that even how it’s spelled, girl idfk but like whooptydooo I do what I want so cope. Right now, we are assuming that they are the new bard coven head character, and like let me tell you the way that I am fully pissing my pants atm like bestie, anyways, if spelled rayne, then it means counsel or song, and this is why, do you see why this is why we spell it like this? It’s also scandanavian which means like nothing but it’s cool. This spelling fits because like counsel, head of the bard coven, you get it it’s fine, and then song, also head of the bard coven, you know. It fits so well, especially since this is supposed to be a friend from eda’s past, and like is supposed to try and recruit eda for a rebellion against the emperor in the episode eda’s requiem, i cannot convey to you how goddamn excited I am like there are not enough words in this realm or any others to tell you how prepared i am for this character to rock my world.

GILBERT

I AM S O B B I N GGGGG apparently one of willow’s dad’s names is gilbert and that is literally so cute I cannot like actually this knowledge makes up for coronavirus anyways it means bright promise and idk what that even has to do with anything but I love it and you should to omg

Now i have to go update the other characters see you in hell <3

#the owl house #luz noceda #lilith clawthorne #eda clawthorne #gwendolyn clawthorne #amity blight #alador blight #odalia blight #blight twins #willow park #gus porter #principal bump #rayne #hooty #character names

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prophet-of-booba-lady · 3 years

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Hi!!! Can I have a matchup for Twilight and HTTYD ?

19, Southeast Asian with Spanish descent, Libra, Bi Pan and Genderfluid, short (5'1") and chubby with kinda cherubic-like face, medium brunette hair, chocolate brown eyes, oriental skin, and boyish-emo sense of fashion with korean makeup look.

Really quiet, soft spoken, distant, and timid around random people (to the point they think I'm modest, demure, immaculate, and educated) but once I finally open up it's totally opposite---super talkative, rowdy-mouthed, laughing loudly on a daily basis, creative, talented, expressive, swears like a sailor, very clumsy, witty, passionate, religious, very supportive, unfortunate, super childish, determined, thriving, speaks with sarcasms, has a lamest sense of humour, gets excited so easily, skittish, forgetful, and unashamed to be myself but can be awkward around the strangers. Nice and kind to good people, but an opposite who isn't

Opinionated and EXTREMELY COMPETITIVE, in terms of academics and extra curricular activities (even I'm a procrastinator---I still ace them like what kind of sorcery I did?) that's why I got frustrated and dissappointed quickly if I failed, because I thought people I know is pressuring me, but I tried to keep moving forward once I already cheered up.

I may come off as stubborn, feisty, tough, demanding, and harsh if I get really angry also demanding and intimidating if things aren't all right, but my deeper self is sensitive, insecure of my physical appearance (some people around me makes fun of it and it's rude), and fragile who cries easily also has strong beliefs and reasoning, like fighting for my dreams to the point it'll become a debate because of my brashness. But I'm also willing to help or give up something as long I can, they think I'm selfish, but not really---I do have biased sentimental value and I have a different way how do I care---by being supportive and giving gifts also teaching them, in addition I have an emotional overwhelm, I get flustered too quickly, blush on compliment, and melt over wholesomeness.

My interests are arts, choir, night sky, makeup, fun/deep/dumb conversations, Christianity, documentaries (about saints, real crime stories, and inspirational people), reading interesting stuffs, talking about social issues, and creative writings.

My hobbies are are singing, drawing, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. I'll include making corniest jokes/puns, sleeping, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD). I also used to learn Italian language a bit.

Ok I am so sorry this took me so long. I see small text and I go "oh no". But I need to stop being a sissy.

Emmett!

I feel like you and Jasper would probably be a power couple. The man has a lot of baggage but refused to dump it on you so he copes by doing fun things with you. When if comes down to beliefs... The man will also fight for your beliefs. He is 100000% ready to throw down with who ever disagrees with you. He values the time you spend with him but if you wanna be alone he will let you be alone. Please draw pictures for him he loves when you draw him pictures. I feel like this himbo can and would cheat at a game of baseball for you. Like he'd purposely miss catching a ball you hit so you can make it to a base and will tackle anyone in his family who attempts to get you out.

For HTTYD

Hiccup!

Hiccup is probably the most open minded of the men in berk. He takes what you say into consideration much better than most of the others. He doesn't understand Christianity but he will read the Bible for you and try and understand the religion. He isn't used to Monotheistic religions. Idk what to tell you. He doesn't help you train your dragon because your dragon would probably be a Razorwhip (which bond with their rider upon birth, so you kinda carted around a baby dragon on your back for a while but that's the vibe!) (You give me Razorwhip vibes I'm sorry if you don't like razor whips. Alternatively I feel like you and the light fury would get along well. Because she comes off as a strong female dragon who can and will boost yourself confidence. You 1000000% have a badass dragon.

I really hope you like this!! I have so many more match ups to complete lol

-The Prophet

#x reader #twilight #match up requests #match ups #twilight match up #HTTYD #HTTYD match up #Hiccup

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headcanonthings · 4 years

Text

Modern Gaang + Drinking

Sokka

as a right of passage in their family, Hakoda give Sokka his first drink at age sixteen during their annual ice fishing trip

Sokka almost spits it out because its a low end cheep beer and feels a little embarrassed by the way his dad laughs until Hakoda tells him he had the same reaction his first time

Then he pulls out the Good Shit TM and splits a bottle with his son (its one of Sokka’s most cherished memories)

Afterwards Sokka’s your pretty average 20-something when it comes to drinking, a beer or two after a hard day, goes out during the weekend, etc

Katara

goes through a rebellious phase at like 14/15 which, coincidentally, is around the same time she meets Jet

Jet’s the one who convinces katara to experiment with alcohol

Katara’s the kind of girl to pay attention to PSAs and school assemblies but she’s being rebellious and got in a fight with her dad earlier and Jet’s pushing a drink into her hand so she says fuck it

except Jet keeps topping up her cup when she’s not paying attention so she gets a lot drunker then she planned on and she’s really starting to feel it and get some weird vibes so she texts Sokka

she freaks out the next morning because once she gets past the initial hangover she realizes doesn’t remember anything after texting her brother and when she looks at her phone her texts are basically just key smashes

Sokka of course knows his sister and she’s not one to really type like that so he used the find my friend app they both have to figure out where Katara was and picks her up before anything bad can happen (he also broke Jet’s nose when the guy tried to stop Sokka from picking up his sister)

she doesn’t drink again till she’s of age, is very careful to keep an eye on her drink and tries to balance how much alcohol she consumes with glasses of water

Aang

doesn’t drink due to personal/religious reasons

he’s always thankful his friends never push him or make fun of him for not drinking (nearly cries when his friends jump to his defense when some rando gets a little to rude in questioning Aang’s refusal to drink)

very happy to play designated driver

big fan of virgin cocktails though

Zuko

has a complicated relationship with alcohol

Ozai is almost 24/7 verbally abusive but tended to get more physical when he had a couple scotches in him

after getting thrown out Zuko starts hanging out with a bad crowd and they introduce him to alcohol as a coping mechanism because it numbs all his overwhelming emotions

(Jet may or may not have been part of that crowd)

Iroh figures it out one day when he’s helping Zuko clean up his room after a depressive episode and finds several empty bottles

Zuko recognizes what he’s been doing has been bad by the way his Uncle’s face falls

They sit down with the bottles between them and Zuko tells him everything; Iroh convinces Zuko to start seeing a therapist citing how much it helped him after losing Lu Ten

Zuko mostly agrees because he never wants to see that look on Uncle’s face again

Iroh and Zuko get rid of all the alcohol in the house (if Iroh ever needs something stronger than a cup of tea he’ll go to a friends house)

After Zuko doesn’t really drink again except at special occasions like holidays and celebrations and even then he stops after about two drinks

Toph

Has a naturally high tolerance and can drink everyone under the table

despite this doesn’t actually drink that often because she doesn’t like the way it fucks with her senses

she’ll only get anything beyond lightly tipsy when she’s around people she trusts which is basically just the Gaang

The Gaang are very careful not to mention this once they figure it out mostly because none of them want to deal with the bruises that conversation would cause

Suki

has an almost classic as seen on tv relationship with alcohol

She’s a good kid with a good head on her shoulders with a lot of her free time taken up with her Martial Arts classes

but she’s been to an after competition rager a time or two and has a pretty intuitive sense of her limits

She appreciates Aang being DD since that used to be her role with the Kyoshi Warriors and she likes knowing that if she wanted to she can let loose and not worry about having to drive; she’s always sure to give Aang money for gas or pay for his virgin cocktails

Bonus

Azula actually hates any type of alcohol but drinks wine purely for the #aesthetic at company events

Ty Lee loves the super sweet drinks that taste like drinking candy, because of this no one realizes that because of the multiple spirits used in making these that Ty Lee’s the only one that can keep up with Toph

that is until one holiday party where the whole group is together and someone (Sokka) starts a friendly drinking game and Ty Lee and Toph are the last ones standing

Mai will never admit it, even under threat of death, that she likes those sugar monstrosities that Ty Lee drinks but she’ll steal sips when she can

For appearances when out Mai will order a glass of top shelf scotch and no one realizes that she’ll nurse the one drink for the whole night they just assume that she’s got a high tolerance

#a;tla #modern au headcanon #avatar the last airbender #sokka #katara #aang #zuko #toph #azula #mai #ty lee #uncle iroh #tw: mention of physical abuse #tw: mention of child abuse #tw: drinking #tw: alchohol mention

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liskantope · 3 years

Text

A Facebook friend I've had for some years who is of color and produces ample posts about her own racial experiences, whose background is white conservative Christian (she was adopted into a white family) but embraced wokeness abruptly and brains-falling-out-of-head-full-on circa 2015-2016 (I knew her before then), and about whom I wrote this ranty post I'm not terribly proud of, posted something the other day that I found upsetting on multiple levels and perfectly illustrative of some of my issues with the whole "vulnerability is strength" thing I was writing about the other day.

(Yes, I still go on Facebook somewhat although I've been successful at cutting down since January; with so much less American politics drama nowadays it's been easier both to avoid Facebook and to avoid getting upset by bad posts. And yes, I still run into this person's posts occasionally.)

[The below came out blunt and once again uncharitable in places -- it's about someone else's story which I can think of plenty of ways I might be evaluating unfairly -- but it's too late and I'm way too tired to think of a better way of expressing the points I want to get across.]

In her post, predicated with a content warning for "anti-Blackness", she describes an incident of some months ago, when a "white family member" (she doesn't specify how close but presumably not one of her parents) sent her a "birthday gift" which was evidently a journal for Loved Ones Who May Be Straying From The Proper Conservative Christian Path with an exhortation on each page to the gist of "If you're starting to believe such-and-such, come home." She was skimming through and came to a page that said, "If you don’t believe that Critical Race Theory is the work of demons, you need to come home."

Her reaction, in her own words:

I hulked out. I tore the journal in half with a scream and threw it in the trash. I sobbed, I texted my mom and my best friends and proceeded to block all my immediate family members on Facebook.

She went on to defend Critical Race Theory as just a "theory, not harmful ideology"; how could a theory about understanding centuries-long oppression possibly be demonic? She ended with a comment about how her therapist had taught her the importance of "protecting [her] peace" and how this was a demonstration of it.

So, I have a lot of reactions to this. First of all, I've occasionally heard of similar practices of family members giving "gifts" that are basically just overt messages of judgment purportedly coming from a place of love, and whenever I do, my gut twists a little. Like, if you disapprove of the lifestyle or ideology of someone you love, find an appropriate time to tell it to their face in a respectful, non-condescending manner; don't deliver it in the form of a present for them to receive on their birthday of all times. I may be wrong, but this type of behavior seems prevalent in conservative religious subcultures, and I find it pretty toxic. I can certainly understand why my Facebook friend felt hurt and perhaps betrayed, and why she would want to block family members on Facebook.

As for her own described reaction, either it happened exactly that way or she's exaggerating it, and if she's exaggerating it that's almost more troubling to me because it means her post is performative and indicates an awareness of a very appreciative audience. Either way... I can't think of a more perfect example of what John McWhorter describes in contending (among other things) that (1) wokeness is truly a religion; and (2) extremely woke people of color have internalized victimhood as such an inalienable part of their identity that they wouldn't know how to view themselves without it. If someone receives a note from a relative criticizing some of their beliefs, and they completely freak out to the extent my acquaintance described, then the thing being criticized isn't merely "some beliefs"; it's a religion or full-blown way of life that is earth-shakingly precious to them.

Furthermore, it's another example of a minor flying-off-the-handle breakdown dressed up as strength or power, assuming what I like to call a "have your cake and eat it too" notion of "strength" where falling apart but feeling righteous in falling apart translates to feeling mightier or (paradoxically) more unbreakable. Note the use of the word "hulked" in the first sentence of the description, implying power, followed closely by what comes across to me as a sort of meltdown. I've known lots of people who receive disapproval of some of their beliefs and/or behaviors (often by a relative) and respond with a "F- you, get out of my life!" either back at that person's face or (say) on social media in venting to their friends. That's showing a certain type of strength or fortitude, I'll grant that, even though generally I don't consider cursing someone out and shunning them anywhere near an optimal form of strength or fortitude, and I hate the way that anger is being fetishized as the "strongest" way to react to things by many nowadays.

Other people respond to criticism of their beliefs (especially over-the-top criticism like "comes from demons") by laughing and saying, "What an idiot, I'm not listening to them." Again, dismissing other people's views as idiotic isn't something I regularly endorse, but it's sometimes necessary for one's own sanity and certainly can be a form of strength.

But, screaming and sobbing and texting your mom and close friends as if you're in an urgent crisis is another thing altogether. It's something I can be sympathetic about and hope that the person in question gets support in coping with such events, but in no way whatsoever is this a sign of strength -- I think one has to bend over backwards and distort the very meaning of the word to claim that it is.

Her post as usual was met with dozens of hero-worshippy comments from among her hundreds of fawning (mostly white) admirers, which thanked her for how strong and inspiring she was in the face of such "trauma" and, most strikingly, "I love that you ripped it apart!!!! You are powerful <3<3<3<3". I'm sorry, because I know this makes me kind of sound like an ass, but outside of some very different particular circumstances I just can't see physically destroying an inanimate object (that one just received and didn't want) as brave or tough or powerful.

And I didn't mean the quotes around the word "trauma" above as scare quotes: it can be traumatic to have someone who's supposed to be close to you say, in the form of a "gift", that something you believe in is demonic if that belief is something (like a religion) that you hold as close to your heart and sense of being as this acquaintance apparently holds CRT. But -- as I've said before, and I'm saying again -- one's capacity to be traumatized is not itself strength or agency; in my view, the people who call it that are confusing it with the strength in being able to cope and stand upright and treat others well despite being traumatized.

That's essentially a big part of my beef with very one-sided "vulnerability is strength" narratives.

#social justice #critical race theory #conservative christianity #john mcwhorter #how have i never brought up mcwhorter on this blog before?#high vs. low agency #trauma

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sxvethelastdance · 3 years

Text

Okay so, shoutout to @bastardsunlight for letting me bomb them with my infodump analysis on a particular trait of Liu Kang’s character that has stood out to me upon analysis of something he said in MK11 that caught my eye. After Liu’s fight with the Revenant Jade he says this:

“You will not test my faith.”

This got me asking the question of what extent Liu Kang’s faith reaches when compared to someone who’s more prone to expressing doubt, friend or foe. Doesn’t matter. Now the thing about the Mortal Kombat universe is that the gods ARE real. They have an ‘active’ relationship with the Earthrealmers through Raiden and Fujin. So the faith aspect comes less from a religious context and more from the trust and belief that accompanies having faith in someone or something to do right by you. Even characters like Quan Chi have their own twisted version of faith, trusting Shinnok to reward his loyalty and service. Liu Kang himself doesn’t expect a reward for his faith in the NRS adapation, he seems to practice his beliefs because they extend to him the comfort and explanations that lot of people who engage in this seek. Belief systems are often how people make sense of the world and how they cope with their struggles. This is how Liu Kang deals with his. Faith, or a break from it, seems to be the primary way he reasons with his surroundings in all these different versions of his character.

More under the cut:

Disclaimer: I’m not religious/do not possess a faith myself. Take this all with a grain of salt.

In the Netherrealm continuity version of Liu Kang’s character, we see that a good deal of what he does is characterized by his faith in Raiden and by extension: The Elder Gods. He's been a student of the Wu-Shi Academy since infancy, he doesn't carry the trauma of losing his parents and then Chan like MK95 Liu, or implied abuse like the 2021 film version of Liu Kang, has no ties to the outside world, just his community. The temple Elders and Raiden were almost 100% transparent about what he would have to face growing up, communicating an approximation of the expectations that would fulfill his responsibilities to the realm. Liu Kang grew into his duty and thus formed an attachment to it. A part of his identity's tied up in that responsibility, that quality of wanting for nothing because he represents an ideal. He is humble, calm, and faithful to his principles. He follows Raiden’s lead throughout Mortal Kombat 9 and trusts that what they do under these conditions will give them the answers that they’re looking for. When he and Raiden go to visit the Elder Gods during the last quarter of the game, Liu Kang is faced with the Gods themselves. He has the opportunity to observe them and their priorities, to see that they aren’t here to do right by the people he has sworn to protect. The cracks continue to form in the foundations of his faith as more bodies pile up, until it all comes to a head on the rooftop as Shao Kahn begins the realm merger. Raiden begs, “Have faith in the elder gods, have faith in me.” and Liu Kang finds that he can’t. It’s cost them too much. It’s that pivotal moment where Liu Kang breaks from his faith and chooses his own way. Ultimately, this is what costs him his life when Raiden accidentally kills him while fending off Liu Kang’s attack.

It gets even more interesting when you compare this version of him with his Mortal Kombat (1995) counterpart. When we meet that version of Liu Kang it’s immediately obvious that he’s broken from the faith he was raised into. He recognizes Rayden’s status as the god of thunder and in the offhanded way that one would recognize say, an old religious text. Something you know about, and aren’t particularly mystified by because it’s been hammered into your skull for as long as you’ve been alive. Liu knows the stories and the value that they have to people like his grandfather, but it’s something to acknowledge and move along with. The man is burnt out, that much is clear. The movie shows us from the outset doesn’t quite believe in the Gods anymore, that perhaps something happened to make him ask questions of the community’s principles, the ones he inherited by way of cultural osmosis. At some point in his adult life, Liu Kang was confronted with the age old dilemma of ‘seeing is believing’; and when he didn’t see anything, he didn’t believe. So he left to a place where he could be somebody, anybody BUT the chosen one. Which ended up saving his life because otherwise Shang Tsung would’ve swooped in on that technicality and taken him instead of Chan.

Now what I’m not saying here is that Liu Kang’s faith, religious or otherwise is a character flaw, or that the only reason MK95 Liu survived is that he didn’t believe anymore. No, what I am saying is that MK95 Liu was at a place with his faith where he could handle it if it things fell short of his expectations because he’d already steeled himself for it, where NRS Liu Kang was thoroughly hurt by what looked like confirmation that the foundations of everything he believed in were cracked, that his faith was misplaced. That it cost him everything. He died right on the cusp of realizing a fundamental truth. It’s one thing to die in battle because that’s what you signed up for, that’s the role you were groomed for. It’s another to die when you finally began to ask yourself ‘What AM I fighting for? Who made this decision?’. Then dying for nothing! Nothing at all! Your death wasn’t the absolute that you were told it as by the elders every day of your life either. The realm survived without you. You weren’t... Important. Nothing you did mattered. The rules don’t exist in any meaningful capacity, the elder gods don’t particularly care, you are alone. It’s no wonder his revenant is so bitter! The man set himself on fire to keep everybody warm and now is doomed to burn in the hereafter for it.

Mortal Kombat (2021)’s version of Liu Kang’s faith is a little bit more complicated in my eyes. This depiction of him is more openly faithful than the others. He essentially acts as Raiden’s assistant, wears prayer beads and covets them at difficult moments, frequently meditating. It looks like he uses his faith as a coping mechanism. There’s also another thing to consider, when we look at his past:

Kang has seen the absolute worst of the world, the nitty, gritty, and grimey. The first years of his life were spent suffering abuse as an orphan. It’s implied that he was a victim of human trafficking, which carries another set of implications entirely. Bo Rai Cho did him the kindness of bringing him to the temple, and I’m sure that the Masters did him an even greater kindness of introducing him to techniques that would help him find something resembling peace in himself. But it takes something else to secure someone’s faith in a system when one’s been through the ringer like that:

Trust. And who is it that he trusts more than anyone in the Order of Light? Kung Lao. They were paired up together, presumably to provide him with a peer that he could trust to treat him properly after years of mistreatment (perhaps it was difficult to trust adults with such a fraught history). And Lao did it! He gained his trust! The Liu Kang that we see in the present day is strong in his conviction that what they have committed to is what’s right for themselves, he is fine to save a world that wouldn’t save him if the chips came down to it. His faith in the divine balance isn't blind here, there’s an emphasis on practice. It’s my understanding that it DOESN’T come naturally to him, which sort of adds meaning to the act of believing because it’s a choice. He knows it’s a choice. That faith comes from a place of gratefulness and agency. The way that he talks about Kung Lao, how he builds him up as this amazing figure (at the slightest detriment to recognizing his own talents) tells us that he found something there worth believing in, and that it all started with believing in him.

For all the shit he's seen, one thing rings true: The world is worth saving because Kung Lao is in it.

#Liu.Txt #tilallmyscarsbleedgolden #Halcyonandon #implied liulao #( *snickers in sworn brother*)#( This post has been in my drafts for two weeks. Elder Gods help me.)

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mz-elysium · 4 years

Photo

Wow. That was a lot longer than I planned. Do we even do comic sans wip posts anymore? It it cool? Am I cool?

Photo ID below the cut because this is already way too fucking long of a post. And this ID, bc of it, is so so long.

Photo ID: a 13 slide Comic Sans font powerpoint about an original WIP. All slides but the first are white, black text, all font being Comic Sans to follow the meme.

Slide 1: black background, white text. Titled with red shadow: The City of Fallen Angels: (2) Hitaeth. Definition below: hiraeth: homesickness or nostalgia, an earnest longing for an idealised past, or a sense of regret. Around this title are a bunch of floating descriptors about the WIP: vampires, gothic-punk, regrets vs forgiveness, dark urban fantasy, historical 2003, 4 POVs, secrets, political intrigue, slice of life, compassion vs selfishness, vampires playing Game of Thrones, grimdark and also hopepunk. A Vampire the Masquerade canon divergent original novel.

Slide 2: Worldbuilding, about the Vampire the Masquerade world. Titled: The canon sects but like a little more nuanced. Three columns of bullet points follow.

The first is the Camarilla.

neo-feudal lords and princes

rule most of the world

want to rule the rest of it

scheming, old elders who don’t give a shit about anyone else

will kill your family to make a point

BUT ALSO.

stable domains; due process

clan culture, history, tradition

connected to wider vampire society

play their game and you can live as a peaceful peasant (mostly)

The second column is the Anarchs.

rebellious neonates/ancillae

in their Free States, there’s opportunity for power and to live your own life

neonates can actually own land??

ALSO

literal anarchy

no real oversight or leadership

can and will be killed by another gang

“if you can hold it, you can have it”

Third column is the Sabbat

worship Caine as the First Murderer (first vampire)

take “vampire” too literally

inhuman monsters

war cult readying for Armageddon

ALSO

profoundly religious

strict code of honour

accept their inhumanity (no angst)

tight-knit family-like packs

heroes/crusaders for their ppl

Slide 3: Titled: Have a shitty map. A Google map screenshot of Central Los Angeles, with highlighted sections in different colours, clearly done in Paint by a child. Seven sections are highlighted, explained on the next slide.

Slide 4: The lands are divided by the sect who control it.

Anarchs:

Angels Wasteland: remains of the #peaceful Barony of Angels. With Salvador Garcia’s death, it’s a shitshow chaotic warzone.

Tinseltown: Isaac Abrams, movie baron, just wants to be left alone.

East LA: ruled by loyalists of the Old Guard Anarchs, who are all dead/gone. Sabbat from further east are smelling weakness.

Downtown: technically “no baron” but also nines is baron. Typical Anarchs, shooting each other, living rough, living free. OR ARE THEY???

Camarilla:

The Valley: a praxis backed by legendary elders, who are propelled by faceless masters, using unwilling Prince Barty Vaughn as a pawn

Westside: greedy and ambitious LaCroix goes “hmm. la looks like shit. probably wanna get in on that” and calls up his contact, Therese Voerman and says “yo. u got a barony, huh? wanna be my seneschal?”

“Independent”

Silver Lake: a desperate grab by Monroe and co to build their own “utopia” … sorta like the Anarchs 60yrs ago… and look how THAT went. Monroe ate the last Old Guard Anarch.

Slide 5: Titled: Monroe’s POV, with a subtitle of The Captain. On the left, a photo of half of a man’s face in shadow. He has dark hair, pale skin, blue eyes, and a hard expression. Bullet points describe him as Matthew Monroe, Clan Ventrue, Embraced 1873, Humanity 5, age 28. On the right, a series of bullets describe his POV’s story.

this is a dude drowning in an ocean of Problems and his catchphrase is “I’ll figure it out”

he owes a life debt to the enigmatic powerful archon in the Valley (Jan Pieterzoon), who seems to respect/honour him more than most of LA.

he used to be besties with the Valley Prince (Barty Vaughn), who he can’t trust but seems? the same?

he turned his ghoul and secret love into a vampire (Hawthorne), against her wishes, and now she hates him. monroe: u kno what? that’s fair.

Silver Lake is held together with duct tape. monroe’s right hand (Ashley Swan) is a nightmare and untrustworthy. his people try to kill each other.

he’s got a lot of unresolved trauma/grief/abuse/anger and vampires sort of have “The Beast”, a spirit that haunts them with evil

and oh yeah, LA is about to explode

Slide 6: Titled: Monroe’s supporting characters. Four characters, each of them have a photo, a title, and brief run-on description.

First, a photo of a very pale man with purple eyes and a lock of ice blonde hair. Ashley Swan, the Thorn, Clan Toreador. Monstrously cruel, sarcastic, hedonistic, aggressive, sadistic, can’t be trusted, doesn’t wear shirts. Bisexual transman.

Second, a photo of a dour woman with dark hair. Audrey Hawthorne, the Lovechilde, Clan Ventrue. Blinded by the Embrace, furious, frustrated, grieving, snarky, over accomplished, creative, passionate.

Third, a man in a black suit looking over a ballroom with a crystal chandelier. Jan Pieterzoon, the Kingmaker, Clan Ventrue. 300 year old, archon, elder, sire is Camarilla big-shot, dignified, mysterious, chessmaster, honourable, elite.

Fourth, a man in a dress shirt, sleeve rolled up, hand extended with a cigarette and bloody palm. Barty Vaughn, the Valley Prince, Clan Ventrue. Former Anarch, Prince of San Francisco, now reluctant Prince of LA. Smokes like a chimney, lives to fuck Tremere and have fun.

Slide 7: Titled: Zari’s POV, with a subtitle of The Black Rose. On the left, a photo of a beaming dark-skinned Black woman with bouncy coily black hair. Bullet points describe her as Zari Adeyemi-Swan, Clan Toreador, Embraced 1973, Humanity 6, age 27. On the right, a series of bullets describe her POV’s story.

life sucks, it’s cruel, and there’s no point thinking on the past, even when the past comes to haunt you

she fled her foster sire and once-lover (Ashley Swan) for his cruelty to others, but now he offers maybe?genuine? amends.

thirty years ago, she left her human children. her daughter (Aisha Adeyemi) has been Embraced and brings bad news

her main way of #coping is working and distracting herself. she throws herself to infiltrate the Westside Camarilla court (Sebastian LaCroix), against all good advice.

soon after she arrives, she finds herself having a secret admirer (Mercurio), who reminds her how precious it is to be loved, held, and cared for — but they need to overcome their own instincts to accept what they could have

The Voerman sisters are in the thick of it all, making perfect cautionary allies and, if she can overcome her preconceptions, friends.

and oh yeah, LA is about to explode

Slide 8: Titled: Zari’s supporting characters. Four characters, each of them have a photo, a title, and brief run-on description.

First, a photo of a white man wearing mirrored sunglasses in front of orange-pink neon. It casts his face and smile eerily. Ashley Swan, the Foster Sire, Clan Toreador, monstrously cruel, charismatic, loyal, thorough, too clever, pleasurable. Bi transman.

Second, a photo of a white man in a suit, adjusting his cuffs. Sebastian LaCroix, the Westside Prince, Clan Ventrue, opportunistic benefactor, greedy, ambitious, petulant, ruthless, degrading.

Third, a white man in a paisley shirt, gold necklaces, putting a hand to a tattooed and exposed chest. Mercurio, the Admirer, LaCroix’s Ghoul, resourceful, sweet, empathetic, capable, romantic, salt of the earth, former Mafia hitman.

Fourth, a white woman in a black suit with delicate gold jewelry. The Voermans, the Mirrored Sisters, Clan Malkavian; one is brutal, calculating, patient, reckless, the other is seductive, fun-loving, innovative, insightful.

Slide 9: Titled: Charlie’s POV, with a subtitle of The Moonchilde. In small text, a line says “a.k.a. Me processing grief over my mother #coping. On the left, a photo of a sad-faced white woman with freckles, black eyeliner, and frizzy brown curls. Bullet points describe her as Charlie Bradley, Clan Malkavian, Embraced 2003, Humanity 8, age 20, lesbian. On the right, a series of bullets describe her POV’s story.

life is getting back to normal? well, “new normal”

as a new adult, she has a good ol’ fashioned “start of life” crisis: who am I? where do I fit in? complicated by her mother’s death a year ago. what sort of woman am I? how does this figure into my attraction to women?

maybe. maybe. maybe monroe is cold and distant and ruling a vampire kingdom, but he wants to look after me. maybe i should let him.

also, hey, you (Jesse Harper) get it. and you’re hurting. let me help, let me be your soft place to land. wow, okay, this is kissing.

she didn’t mean to ruin her sire’s (Rhys Wilson) life. but, she did. she killed his mentor. SHHH! secret! she feel bad. maybe friends? uh, okay, weirdo. maybe D&D.

she’s learning to deal with feeding on scumbags and giving what people got coming to them. and the Cobweb, supernatural psychosis

WHY ARE VAMPIRES LIKE THIS? WHY CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? FFS

and oh yeah, LA is about to explode

Slide 10: Titled: Charlie’s supporting characters. Three characters, each of them have a photo, a title, and brief run-on description.

First, a white man in the middle of screaming, his head swaying back and forth so it looks like he has three heads. Rhys Wilson, the Sire, Clan Malkavian, weirdo, prime D&D fanatic and DM, just wants friends, and vengeance, pulls pranks to teach lessons. Gay.

Second, a very strong white woman with her arms crossed, a tattoo on one, and a t-shirt that is obscured but clearly says “The future is female”. Jesse Harper, the Darkness, Clan Lasombra, former vampire hunter, reluctant vampire, brooding, mysterious, sullen, black trench coat, buff as fuck, brave. Lesbian.

Third, a pair of clasped hands, male over female. Monroe, the Stepsire, Clan Ventrue, fucking old, inhuman, kills too easily, sincere, honourable, intense, gives good advice but really should shut his mouth hole.

Slide 11: Titled: Jack’s POV, with a subtitle of The Lone Wolf. On the left, a photo of a sad-faced strong Chinese man with a shaggy and tufted mullet. Bullet points describe him as Jack Shen, Clan Gangrel, Embraced 1955, Humanity 7, age 25, gay. On the right, a series of bullets describe his POV’s story.

why does he always end up alone? people leave, people die, people drift and change, but the good times were worth it

he’s always had a rocky relationship with his lover (Ryuko Saito), but now the dumbass has found a cult promising power.

he hasn’t lost him. he hasn’t. him and ryu just take time apart sometimes. but it’s been a long fucking while. and jack isn’t sure who he is alone anymore. a new human friend (Dustin Cohen), working at his animal hospital gives new life.

his former best friend (Damsel) has dove deep into Downtown and managing as Nines’ lieutenant, bringing him more and more dirty work to clean up

monroe relies on him to reign in the chaos of vampires trying to live without killing each other.

and oh yeah, LA is about to explode

Slide 12: Titled: Jack’s supporting characters. Three characters, each of them have a photo, a title, and brief run-on description.

First, a young white woman with dyed fire-engine red hair and an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Damsel, the Lieutenant, Clan Brujah, naive, brash, physical, loyal, loud-mouthed, smart.

Second, a skinny man in an ill-fitting Hawaiian shirt and jeans. Ryuko Saito, the Orphan, Mage, power-hungry, desperate, proud, ruthless, loving, isolated, crushingly lonely, gremlin, old and chronic pain, hides and “treats” it with magic.

Third, a white hand extending a hummingbird to fly free. Dustin Cohen, the Receptionist, Human, understanding, the best of Good Dudes, empathetic, kinda lame outsider

Slide 13: Titled: also. A moodboard on the right side includes two weeping stone angels, one at sunset, one in darkness between a tarnished and broken silver crown; a gas station in LA as seen through a rainy car window; grim-looking downtown city buildings; and a sidewalk curb with neon lights reflecting off a puddle and a plastic bag of takeout garbage strewn across.

On the left, bullet points follow.

about 100 million other characters. I legit have a spreadsheet

Everyone is capable of evil

Sins of the sire (father)

Never too late to start being a good person

Takes place about 6 months before Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines

At least one more novel in the works

Subheading, 22/55 chapters written. Gonna start posting September 28.

End ID.

#wip intro #writers of tumblr #writeblr #vtmb #vtm #wip: city of fallen angels #vampires #urban fantasy #original writing #fanfiction #when does fanfiction stop and original writing start?

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alwaysanotherrainbow · 4 years

Text

my boyfriend never texts first

Remus just wants to not be the first one to send a message every once in a while. That’s not too much to ask, right?

relationship: romantic remrom, background remy and emile (also romantic)

warnings: major character death, extended mourning (secondary warnings- brief discussion of religious holidays, brief underage drinking mention, a lot of all-caps) notes: unrelated, human, hs/college au. virgil, emile, and remy are here too. If you need anything in the secondary warnings (or one of those latter three characters) edited out, please let me know and I can put that up for you!

____________________________________________________

Remus always texted him first. Always. It didn’t matter the situation, didn’t matter the time date place name face. Who what when where why. It first started when he texted hi roman :) when they first got phones; for whatever reason, Roman just never texted first. Either he’d call or they’d talk in person.

No matter. Remus could cope.

May 1:

8:37 PM tody i saw you by my locker 8:39 PM *today 8:42 PM why didnt you say hi?

May 2:

9:30 PM a teacher talked to me today 9:30 PM wanted to talk about how i’m doing after 9:52 PM well you know. he’s a sick bastard

Really, it wasn’t too much to ask for, was it? He just wanted to see him text first once in a while! May 7:

3:32 PM: by the way idk if you got this last time 3:36 PM: my class ring size is the medium 3:44 PM: hopefully you order it by the deadline :P 4:03 PM: no idea when the deadline is 4:20 PM: bLAZE IT 4:24 PM: sorry i have like 0 money so i got it from the consignment shop 4:31 PM: i hope you like synthetic rubies!! leaving them with ur dad 10:40 PM: update. i cried for four hours with your dad.

June 2:

7:30 AM: gRaDuAtIoN dAy!!! 7:32 AM: there’s cookies in the reception menu 7:35 AM: snickerdoodles your favorite [eyes] 10:02 AM: i’m getting some for u 10:05 AM: [kissy face] 7:40 PM: the announcement was Weird 7:43 PM: anyways i have the snickerdoodles (Remus couldn’t go over to where Roman was staying, so he left them in the living room. He knew Roman would appreciate them. Hopefully he’d come over (wait, probably not, given...))

Well, actually, he could understand why he never texted first. June 11:

12:14 PM: roMAN 12:16 PM: [Attachment: Remus_Picani-Kleitman_Acceptance_Letter.pdf] 12:18 PM: YEAHHHH 12:24 PM: I’m sure you got in too SEND ME YOURS WHEN YOU GET IT 12:32 PM: WE MIGHT SHARE A ROOM YEA 12:35 PM: [Attachment: celebration.jpg]

Everyone was probably saying that he ought to just move on, but to be honest, he couldn’t... Actually, to be honest, no-one had told him to move on to his face yet. In fact, everyone was surprised he was doing so well, given how bad the circumstances were! The situation was stressing him out so much, even his dads were gently advising him to rethink things. (Well, that was part of the territory with one of them being a therapist and the other being a barista.)

“I got y’all some kouign-amann from the cafe,” said Dad, putting it down on the counter. His shirt had SLEEP scrawled on it with a Sharpie; it was the one that Remus had made for him as a joke. He still wore it. Huh.

“Sweetie, what’s a queen amahn?” asked Papa.

“It’s a... er, it’s like a... this is kinda like a croissant that had dreams of a muffin tin and salted caramel. One for you, babe.... then one for Doodlebug-”

“Can I leave some for Roman?” asked Remus.

They exchanged a glance.

“Of course you can,” said Papa with a smile. “Your candle’s on the table. Also, I got the news about being accepted into university? Good job, kiddo. You know, that was your father’s alma mater.”

“Are you sure you want to go to school right away after...? No problem taking a gap year.”

Papa glared at Dad. “Be nice.”

“I’m sorry, Remus, it’s just...” Dad put down his coffee. “If you’re not ready, if you need more time-”

"I’m sure,” said Remus with a grin, trying to get rid of what he just remembered. “Trust me.”

“Please find a good way to put away the snickerdoodles, they’ve been there since last week!” shouted Papa.

June 12:

12:12 AM: its twelve twelve make a wish 12:15 AM: hey when does your phone bill go out? 12:20 AM: im just saying that would Explain some things 12:22 AM: i know your dad pays Everything like a year in advance 12:34 AM: tell him i say hi 12:34 AM: 12:34 MAKE A WISH

July 12:

3:30 PM: guess who’s a double major in bio and theatre!! 3:32 PM: marine biology babey 3:53 PM: it’s good for the SOUL 4:04 PM: this cute octopus reminded me of you by the way 4:10 PM: [Attachment: for_roman]

August 14:

6:24 PM: moving in is the Worst 6:32 PM: by the way i got a single 6:35 PM: no roommates 6:41 PM: still have the bunk tho 6:44 PM: also got ur favorite pillo

August 30:

2:12 AM: roman it is like two o’clock in the morning what the Heck are you doing here, 2:15 AM: if u see me wave Hi 2:32 AM: ok >:c 2:42 AM: dont mind Me just studyin on top of the planetarium 3:15 AM: tbh i didn’t even know we go to the same campus? haven’t seen you around or anything 3:17 AM: shit phones gonna di

September 28:

2:20 PM: i failed my test 2:22 PM: idk what to d 2:24 PM: *do

September 29: 7:30 PM: remember that octopus you gave me that eats negative emotions? 7:32 PM: it works!!

October 3:

1:10 PM: You’d like the theatre program, really 1:15 PM: just so u know they’ve listed your name as an ‘honorary member of the class of’ 1:19 PM: that’s really nice of them. idk if your dad knows

October 23:

9:45 AM: i had to explain one of our inside jokes 8( 9:52 AM: i can’t Explain the deodorant thing that was One Time 9:55 AM: also why i’m called The Duke 9:56 AM: its bc you said it. not my fault 9:58 AM: its still cute pls call me that still 9:59 AM: pancake brunch pancake brunch pancake brunch October 31: 6:12 PM: sun’s down! joyous samhain 6:15 PM: i remember when you sewed me that octopus btw, the one that eats ucky feelings 6:19 PM: how long did it take you to get the laurel sachet into it?? 6:34 PM: also thank you thank you thank you for helping me find a friendly church to celebrate all saints day 6:47 PM: that year was a NIGHTMARE because you forgot to get your white candles and carnelian, and i forgot my holy water, so we were driving around town like Madmen 6:59 PM: it was worth it though 7:03 PM: i left you a script, i think you’ll like it.

November 9:

11:19 PM: i miss you so so much.

November 10:

12:20 AM: ignor this i drank like 12:24 AM: a lot 1:15 AM: i’m sorry i should’ve been with you 1:22 AM: i shouldve been there With You. 1:45 AM: but i wasn’t 2:20 AM: i didn’t know thered be a 4:11 PM: shit i just saw these. Sorry to bother you December 2:

10:10 AM: hey roman, been a bit. yea sorry about last time. too much of the Alcohol 10:13 AM: gonna go over to my parents’ house 1:00 PM: if you wanna come over, you can. dad’s making snickerdoodles and papa’s gonna watch atla (yes i still have that dvd you got me do not @ me it’s with your candles on your table just like everything else) 1:03 PM: that was on the dot, i’m happy.

December 21

8:34 AM: hey, it’s snowing 9:13 AM: couldn’t help leaving you some hot cocoa. and snickerdoodles of course 10:12 AM: i love you Remus went to go help his dads with making breakfast, but by the time everyone was done cleaning and they had finished watching some shitty Hallmark movie, he remembered that he had left his phone upstairs. Going upstairs and looking at it, he felt something in him break.

[2 Unread: Roman <3, bf’s dad]

10:22 AM, Roman <3: Why are you texting this number? 11:15 AM, bf’s dad: Remus, disregard that last, I’m so sorry. I just found his phone and I saw only the recent message first

The phone started ringing. Remus answered it as quickly as he could.

“I’m so sorry Mr. Sanders I didn’t know that someone was actually getting these messages I thought the line was out,” he said within a few seconds before the person on the other side sighed.

“No, it’s quite all right. And Virgil’s all right, by the way, if you prefer. I... I was just looking through his things for the first time. You know, it being a holiday and all... Memories, things like that.”

“Yeah, I understand.”

“I just turned the phone back on, I’m getting a lot of messages.”

“Oh.” Remus stared at the wall, trying to come to terms with everything. “Well, I--”

“I’m not going to stop paying for his phone. I’m sorry, I just... I still have his voicemails on it, and I can’t stand the thought of it going offline either.”

“Right, I... I listen to it too.”

“I happened upon the last one he sent to you.”

“You looked at the messages?”

“I only looked over when I stopped getting new ones, but I saw the last question he sent you. For your ring size.”

“Yeah? He asked my ring size so that he could--”

“There’s no easy way to say this, but.. I found something of his. Can you come over?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t, but can you please tell me what it was? Please?”

“I really think I should tell you this in person.”

“Please, Mr. Sanders. Please, I... I can’t manage that.”

He sighed. “All right, Remus. I found an early acceptance letter to SJAU, and... and a ringbox.”

Remus felt his grasp on the phone grow weak. It fell onto the bed, Mr. Sanders’ voice still clear.

“I think he was going to ask for you to....”

“No, we... We were just out of high school, I-- that doesn’t make sense.”

“He always was one for those romantic gestures. There’s some poems here, too. A life-plan. I’m not sure exactly what malacology is, but--”

“Mollusks. Like octopi and squids.. Sorry for cutting you off, what was that?”

“Some of it’s in your handwriting, but one of the entries is ‘ask him’, for the day after... you know.”

God, he could hear his sad smile through the phone. He knew exactly how Mr. Sanders looked right now just talking to him, probably wearing that hoodie that was too big on him, in a dusty room full of things that used to belong to the most vibrant person that Remus had ever met.

But then Roman had died.

He was the most wonderful person, and he had just died.

“I’ll come over to deliver the ring to you. Is that okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s... that’s fine. Uh, call my dads first, though. They’re still not convinced I’m doing okay.”

“I understand. I’ll talk to you later, Remus.”

“Thank you, Mr. Sanders.”

The line went dead in his hands.

Remus held himself and wept.

December 28:

12:30 PM, Remus Picani-Kleitman: Mr. Sanders, would you like to come over for our New Year’s party? 12:34 PM, Remus Picani-Kleitman: It’s a tradition we had. You don’t have to if you’d rather not. 12:45 PM, Virgil Sanders: I’d love to go.

January 1:

12:00 AM: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! 12:05 AM: [Attachment: :)] 12:07 AM: we are all smiling in this photo and for that i think we deserve a hug. 12:10 AM: this rings the most beuatifl thing i’ve ever fuckign seen. thank you,, 12:14 AM: never gonna get rid of it <3 12:16 AM: it looks Good on my finger 12:30 AM: jsyk your dad’s asking my dads for the kouign amann recipe 12:32 AM: thats a pastry, i left those for u a while back 12:39 AM: okay i’m crying a bit but honestly, i love u 12:44 AM: I love you so so so much, Roman

Somewhere out there, whether it was from some wonderful paradise or beyond the veil or even only in wishful thoughts, Remus knew that someone was saying I love you too.

#remrom #remrom writing #my fics

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