#revising a novel

[rozmorris]

Aim to make your book perfect - why it’s worth it and how it’s possible

An online discussion has got me thinking. Actually, snarling a bit. On a forum, an author was taking her first steps to self-publish a literary novel. She’d already worked with an editor, but wasn’t certain the manuscript was ready for publishing. Should she get another beta-read? One member answered: ‘is that a good use of your time? I made the mistake of writing and rewriting, trying to get…

[itsawritblr]

Me deleting a finished chapter because it no longer works for the story.

Apparently I need to clarify.

To delete does not mean that there's no existing copy. I save copies of everything. It means you remove it because it doesn't fit for that story. It may, however, fit for a different story. Or it can be disassembled and used in multiple works.

[gaywaren]

official cover illustrations from the tgcf simplified cn revised edition!

kuri huang, the illustrator, who also did the covers of strike the zither, posted the HD cover illustrations of the revised edition of tgcf on twitter! here's the link to their post on twitter~ make sure to leave comments on their tweet ♥️

here's the bonus illustrations for the book box made by 黄油天际 on weibo ♡

[thekansta]

white butterfly

[mxtxfanatic]

While flipping through mdzs to verify some stray thoughts of mine, I happened to fall into a translation discrepancy that I feel really, really emphasizes how important it is to have a proper grasp on the language you are translating before translating for a public audience.

Now before we get too deep into this, I want to reiterate that I am someone who does not understand Mandarin in any form but has been reading translations (both by humans and machines) for a few years now. However, because I have been reading translations that tend to follow the Mandarin more closely in grammar and because I haven't shied away from reading machine-made or bad human translations, I have noticed some places where mistranslations from Mandarin to English are common: pronouns, verb-subject matching, negatives, prepositions, and conjunctions. For this post, we will be focusing on the latter two.

In the lead-up to the Wen invasion of Lotus Pier, we are given a scene where Madam Yu whips Wei Wuxian, and in this scene, we are given a glimpse as to Madam Yu's average punishments towards the young ward.

While Madam Yu always pelted him with hostile words, she’d never really hit him hard before—two or three lashes at most, or being made to kneel or confined indoors, and it never took Jiang Fengmian long to release him from that.

—Vol. 3, Chapt. 12: Sandu: The Three Poisons, 7seas

In the past, although Madam Yu had always come at him with harsh words, she had never truly been cruel to him. The most that he’d been through were two or three strikes and being grounded. He’d also be let out by Jiang FengMian soon later.

—Chapt. 57: Poisons, exr

Reading these back-to-back, it should be very clear that though the same section is being translated from the same exact source, these translations do not say the same thing. The official stresses that Madam Yu had never hit Wei Wuxian "that hard" before, as well as saying that his punishments were a few lashes OR being made to kneel OR being confined, three separate punishments never taken together according to this diction. The exr translation, however, states that Madam Yu had "never truly been cruel to him" (emphasis mine) and that him being whipped was in addition to being confined. The emphasis on the strength of her lashings is absent, but an emphasis on the intent behind her actions—that she never meant to be honestly cruel to her ward—is established in its stead. (While this section as translated by exr does not mention kneeling, later scenes reflecting on Wei Wuxian's childhood in Lotus Pier do.)

Both of these translations... are wrong.

If we give exr the benefit of the doubt by virtue of being the original completed English translation of mdzs, then the official 7seas release should automatically raise red flags for the ways it seems to directly contradict the narrative that has existed for a few years before the novel was licensed. It doesn't help that the official has been riddled with many mistranslations and omissions from the very first volume, lowering any credibility it would otherwise have to stand on. But if we were to examine the rest of the exr translation, then the emphasis on Madam Yu's intent also rings false given the fact that we are told over and over again in this same translation that 1) Madam Yu is, in fact, unnecessarily, illogically, and erratically mean-spirited and cruel, and 2) Wei Wuxian knows this even at this time in his life (shoutout to the Lotus Pod Seeds extra) and understands her actions as targeted cruelty. What does the actual text say, then?

Although Madam Yu always spoke ill of him before, her hand had never been this viciously cruel. At most, she whipped him two or three times and ordered him to kneel down and be confined to his room, and he would be released by Jiang Fengmian sometime later.

—@jiangwanyinscatmom (emphasis mine)

Madam Yu has never been "as cruel" as in that moment when whipping Wei Wuxian, because normally she only whips him 2-3 times. She would whip him a few times and send him to the ancestral hall to kneel and be in confinement, which matches up to the memories that Wei Wuxian reflects on in other parts of the novel. This translation gets rid of the character inconsistencies that the other two translations create. So how did we get here? Remember how I pointed out those common Mandarin-to-English translation mistakes? Well, both the exr and 7seas translations fall into the trap of confusing conjunctions and prepositions. That's how we get a list of punishments rather than an order of events for a singular punishment type. That's how we get "not truly cruel" instead of "not as cruel." That's how we get these sections contradicting what we know about Madam Yu's personality and behavior from the rest of the novel through those two translations. Unfortunately, both translation teams just happened to flub in the same area in slightly different ways, and while I'm willing to give a multi-lingual grade-school student translating in their spare time the benefit of the doubt, a paid translator with a translation team hired by a professional publishing house should have better quality control than a spare-time hobbyist.

Also, just in case anyone wants more proof on what mxtx meant for us to take away about Madam Yu's treatment of Wei Wuxian from this scene, it was also apparently so important to mxtx for readers to know that Madam Yu was truly cruel to Wei Wuxian during his childhood that the act of her routinely whipping him whenever he was in her presence was something that was added into the revised mdzs. It was not in the original unedited version of the novel.

In the past, although Lady Yu always insulted or patronized him, she never laid a hand on him. At worst, she’d make him kneel for prolonged periods of time, but he’d always get bailed out by Jiang FengMian after a while.

—Chapt. 57. Act 12: Sandu/Three Poisons, Part 2, qinghe-nie

[hualianisms]

new quanyin or yin yu crumbs/changes in the revised tgcf novel:

a new scene where QYZ is riding a boar, spots YY and yells "Shixiong!" while YY tries to put his mask back on and tries to avoid him (read a translation here by falin_tgcf and there is fanart of this new scene here)

instead of the quanyin flashback happening bc HC simply shows it to XL, it now happens bc a mountain demon tried to swallow yin yu's consciousness whole. HC casts a butterfly dream spell on YY so that hualian can enter YY's consciousness to see if there's a way to wake him up. they then enter YY's dream where he's dreaming of his memories of when QYZ joined their sect, leading up to YY's banishment (i.e. the same quanyin flashback scenes in the original novel).

YY's memories are now expanded a bit and we get to see the scene of young YY going to his Sect Leader Shibo to ask him to take in 10 year old QYZ as a disciple of their sect. Sect Leader Shibo says that they should consult the sect Leader Shizun. YY says "With sect Leader Shizun's temperament, it will be hard to get him to agree. However, Shizun is willing to listen to you about everything..." Shibo agrees to ask Shizun to take QYZ in. (**In this dream, HC and XL ended up in the roles of YY's Shizun and Shibo, who are co-sect leaders)

In the original novel, the quanyin flashback ended with XL asking HC to stop the flashback. In the revised version, the flashback now ends with this same scene of YY screaming at Jian Yu to stop reminding him of his QYZ-related grievances (it's the same scream at the end of the quanyin flashback) - except that his anguished scream is strong enough to break him free from the mountain demon's hold*.

(*btw, Hua Cheng said earlier on that to avoid one's consciousness being swallowed by the mountain demon, one has to focus on one's most painful/awful memories in order to wake up,, so it's implied that YY's memories of the events from QYZ joining their sect leading up to YY's banishment, are YY's most painful memories... 😭😭😭)

[pdalicedraws]

And it’s okay for now.

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[moiraimyths]

What’s Flann’s hair care routine?

Routine...? I'm not sure I understand. I comb it and tie it back.

***

The Good People (Na Daoine Maithe) is a Kickstarter-funded visual novel currently in development. While our first content release is anticipated to arrive this coming autumn (2024), interested parties can play our FREE DEMO out now on Steam and Itch.io! Check our pinned post for links! If you enjoy yourself, be sure to wishlist/follow us on either platform (:

[princesskealie]

taking my mom to the doctor again tomorrow~ please send any good vibes/prayers/thoughts her way that all goes smoothly! 🙏🙏

[yeyayeya]

The new changes to the uncensored TGCF revised version are 👀

[sisterdivinium]

Now is the time to place your bets on whether or not this hyper self-indulgent doctor superion Vampire the Masquerade AU fic will or won't get to 100 handwritten pages...

[rozmorris]

Writing is a muddle – how to enjoy the muddle

If you read my newsletter you’ll know I’m fond of horse riding. And sometimes a moment from the horsing life can bring an unexpected realisation about writing. I was riding in the woods with a friend. We had an unplanned detour that involved scrambling up a bank. My friend laughed that her horse seemed to pause and say to her- ‘Really? You want me to go up there?’ Yes, she said, and he did it.…

[itsawritblr]

Me editing.

[gaywaren]

official illustrations from tgcf simplified cn edition vol. 1-3

[theharddeck]

don't mind me, just writing an extremely lew-coded MMC in a romance novel that i'm flying through and idk what it means that my muse is a man who i've met once for 3 seconds but uh i might finish this book this month

(basically this is me seeing if this is a welcoming platform for me to push irl work, or if we're generally against the fanfiction writer-to-self-published-author pipeline)(in my defense, this wasn't a fanfic that i turned into a novel)(it's just a smutty good time in which the MMC is Bob)(pretty sure i'll just put it on KU instead of querying bc it's not that serious)(and querying for my other novel has been long and draining)(but with this one i'm having fun and if other people wanted to help pay my rent, i'll take that for sure)

[hualianisms]

ch 241 // ch 250 // revised vol 1 ch 15

xie lian being so lonely and having no one to listen to him for 800 years, but hua cheng loves listening to him talk and always wants to listen no matter what it's about or for how long...

(credit: ch 242 translated by suika & rynn, ch 250 translated by erushi, revised novel vol 1 ch 15 translated by me)