#round robin 7

[writerscornercafe]

WCC's Round Robin #7 & #8

Thank you so so much to @tommokat (pink) @thinlinez (green) and @beelou (red) for participating in another Round Robin session and writing this amazing crack fic! I hope you all have a great laugh as much as we did!

“Harry. My love.”

“Yes?” Harry singsongs back to Louis, although it comes out like ‘yeth’ from the banana in his mouth.

“Are you going to do anything besides eat bananas with Mildred today?”

Harry frowns at Louis and shares a look with Mildred. “Why would I do that?”

“Because we have a lot to do today. Because we bought a zoo!”

“We bought an animal sanctuary, actually.” Harry takes another bite of banana and passes more to Mildred. “Honestly, between this one and your Frank, I don’t know how we put up with these monkeys, Mildred.”

Louis stares at him. “Mildred is literally a monkey.”

“I mean, if you want to be technical about it, we all are, but I didn’t know we were being pedantic about it.”

Louis sighs and drops his head into his hands. “Just make sure you give some bananas to Frank and Ricco as well, please? They’re not just for your girl time with Milly.” Harry sends him a kiss and Louis knows he’s been heard (and played). “I’m going to go feed the otters and then check in with Niall.” He turns to walk out the office door and completely fails to not laugh at Harry’s shouted ‘Awake the Kraken!’ behind him.

Louis walks down the dirt path, nodding in greeting to the volunteers he walks by. He stops to get the bucket of fish for the otters from the kitchen and is on his way to the otter habitat. How they even got into this is really a blur for him. One minute Harry is looking at properties to buy and the next, he makes the transaction for a zoo. Harry insists on calling it an animal sanctuary, but a zoo is what it is. 

The otters are one of his favorite animals, though. They’re just so cute and have so much personality. Louis never realized that animals could have so much gumption before this. For that, he is grateful to learn. It’s been stressful at times, of course, but all in all, it’s been fun.

A splash from beside the otter habitat makes him look up, bit of crayfish dangling from his fingers as Niall pokes his head up.

"Awake so early?" Louis raises a brow as he teasingly waves the food at the squid whose head was bobbing above the water, huge eyes tracking his every move. "Guess you must have smelled the food, but these aren't for you…" 

Niall does a flip disappearing under the surface and splashing a decent amount of water over the brim of his tank. Louis doesn't get why Niall loves to throw tantrums. He and Harry had especially gotten the huge tank just for him and had even moved the tanks of eels and turtles to the other side of the sanctuary. Niall was too spoiled for his own good. 

Louis shakes his head as he walks away, knowing full well that he would come back soon to give the spoiled squid his full English breakfast. 

“Alright, friends!” Louis calls as he makes it into the otter compound. “Who’s ready for breakfast?”

He takes his time with the little creatures, making sure each of them get greeted with joy and a fair share of the food. There’s 13 of them in total, but Louis wouldn’t mind if the whole zoo was only otters. An otter-only zoo. He has confessed as much to Harry and was told it would be ‘an otter-ly amazing zoo.’ Always with the puns, that one is.

“I shared it with Frank and Ricco. Frank said thank you, Ricco just rolled his eyes at me. I don’t think Ricco likes me that much.”

Louis pats the concrete next to where he’s sitting and wraps an arm around Harry’s shoulders when he cuddles close. “Think maybe that’s because you eat all of his food and take the attention of his mother all the time?”

Harry seems to consider it for a few seconds, but ultimately sighs. “No, that can’t be it.”

Louis turns back to the otters to hide his amused grin. He finds a pair of otters floating, little paws clasped so they stay together, a tiny fluff of fur atop the tummy of the longer one. An otter-ly perfect family.

Harry finds them, too. “Look, that’s us.”

“We don’t have a baby, baby,” Louis reminds him. (Yet, he thinks.)

“We have a lot of babies. Niall included.”

Speaking of the devil, Niall comes in with Lewis, twerking into the scene. 

“I heard my name! I am here!”

“What the hell are you doing?” Louis asks, face red from holding in his laughter at the sight. Niall is a terrible twerker. Lewis isn’t much better at all.

“Twerking! What does it look like?” Lewis says, still shaking his arse in the air.

“Well, stop it! You ruined our cute and sappy moment with the otters!”

Niall stops twerking, but Lewis keeps going as he walks out of the habitat.

“Why were you twerking? Wait- I don’t wanna know. It’s okay.” Louis shakes his head. “I was just gonna go find you after I fed the otters. Do you need something? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah everything’s fine,” Niall says but he’s not meeting Louis’ eyes.

“Niall? What’s up?” Harry asks again, noticing the lack of eye contact.

“Thelionandtigermated.”

“What?”

Niall sighs and repeats himself slower. “The lion and the tiger mated.”

Louis has to process the statement for a second, but before he could say anything, Harry is wriggling out of his cuddle and jumping up, curls flying.

"Oh my god! A liger is about to grace our sanctuary! I've been waiting for this moment for so long!" Harry squeals, pumping his fists in the air.

"You have?" Louis' mouth drops open.

"Of course! I mean, there is not a lion on earth who can resist the charm of our beautiful majestic Liam."

"You not only play matchmaker for people but also for your animals? Speaking of which, why don't you play matchmaker for mini me? All I get is an empty tank and is by my lonesome self all the time…" Niall huffs.

"Oi, it's hard enough to find squids around here. We live in London, not on an island." Louis slaps Niall on the shoulder as the Irish attempt to close their distance, shaking his arse again.

"But Lou! We did see that really pretty octopus in the fish market last weekend…" Harry interjects, forest greens misty and thoughtful. "I think he'll still be there if we go back this week."

“Excuse you, Harry, but my Niall boy is a squid. He needs a squid lover.”

Harry huffs, sitting back down with Louis and wrapping his arms around Louis. Louis can tell he’s preparing a comeback, so he rolls his eyes and prepares for the weird best friend crack these two always get into.

“Your boy is infertile anyway, so it doesn’t matter what type of creature his life mate is.”

“Listen, I’m not saying they have to be a match made in heaven, everyone knows those only come around so often–”

“Yes, Louis and I are truly a rare breed.”

“—But if we could find another creature of the same species, that would be great.”

“Sure, Niall, I’ll get right on that. You know, I think Manchester just got a whole buttload of squids in. I’ll just give them a call.”

“Great! Thanks!”

“That was sarcasm, you Irish twat!”

“Aww.” Niall pouts

Louis rolls his eyes. “Fine,” he sighs. Niall looks up hopefully. “I’ll have Harry look into getting another squid.”

“Yay!” Niall clapps his hands and lunges forward to kiss Louis on the cheek violently, holding his face in both hands.

“Oi! That was wet!” Louis screeches, wiping his cheek of the slobber that Niall left. But Niall is already twerking out of the room, not having a care in the world.

“Never a dull moment with him, is there?” Louis shakes his head, bewildered.

Suddenly, Harry’s walkie talkie that is slung around his hips cracks to life, startling the couple.

“Hey, H?” Lewis’ voice echoed out from the machine. “Them new lemurs you got are fighting… Again… I think Zayn goaded them into it.”

“Fucking shit!” Louis swears even though Lewis wasn’t addressing him. He could see Harry giving him a disapproving look.

“No swearing in front of our otters!” His husband pouted adorably. Louis sighs, grabbing at Harry’s arm and hoisting the taller man up.

“Time to go stop the fight or else it’ll get bloody… And you’re the only one who can talk sense into Zayn.”

They round the otter habitat and cross the length of a field, passing by the ducks, koalas clinging to trees and kangaroos chilling under the shades.

The lemur habitat comes into view and what a sight it beholds. As always, Zayn is sitting on the top rock, lounging in the sun like a king and surveying the other fellow lemurs who are hissing and clawing at each other beneath him. In front of Zayn laid a single tangerine. Louis deduces that the fruit must be what the others are fighting over.

“Why are our friends the most chaotic fools known to mankind? First Niall and his twerking and his squid junior, now Zayn and his lemur Hunger Games.” Louis sighs and rubs a hand across his forehead. “Next thing you know, Liam will be teaching the penguins how to dance like Happy Feet.”

“Ooh, that would be cute!” Harry exclaims. “You go get him to do that, I’ll take care of Z, and I’ll meet you back in your office in thirty for a little dance lesson of our own.” He waggles his eyebrows in the most Harry way possible and Louis is too fond for this goof to do anything but agree to his silly terms.

“Alright, lovey. You take care of this one, I’ll take care of that one, and we’ll take care of each other in thirty.” He presses a kiss to Harry’s lips and pulls away with a wink.

Harry watches Louis walk away only to be interrupted by Zayn’s drawl.

“They’re fun, right?”

Harry turns around. “What did you do?”

Zayn shrugs, taking a bite out of the apple in his hand. “I fed them.”

Harry closes his eyes, centering himself. The one line responses irritating him to no end. Has it been thirty minutes yet? “Obviously you didn’t give them enough. Look at them! Your mini me is up there teasing them!”

Zayn takes another bite of his apple. “Is that what they’re doing? I thought they were just playing with each other. I thought it was cute.”

“It certainly is not cute!” Harry gestures pointedly at the lemur who took that exact moment to pounce on her neighbor, sending the other lemur flying.

Harry strides up to the fence, whistling so that mini Zayn would look up and catch his gaze. He shakes his head at lemur Zayn, pursing his lips as he points at the tangerine then back down at the fighting lemurs.

Mini Zayn makes a eeping noise before glancing at his human counterpart who tossed the apple core into the grass, straightening his overalls.

“Alright my dude, give the tangerine to your friends, come on.” Zayn orders lazily as Harry crosses his arms.

Lemur Zayn gives Harry another cock of his head before hopping down from his rock throne, grabbing the tangerine and waving it at the rest of the lemurs. They all crowd around their leader as Harry turns to give Zayn a slap on the shoulder.

“Well now that we don’t have to worry about lemur civil war, I need to run back to my otter pups. I forgot to give them their special treat.” Harry fishes a bag out from his pocket, three boiled eggs inside.

“Three eggs for the whole raft of otters?”

“Certainly not. These are for Harry and Louis and baby Pino. Obviously.”

“Your favoritism is showing. You’re almost as bad as me.”

Harry stuck his tongue out at Zayn and put the bag back in his pocket.

“I don’t even know why Lou hired you in the first place. You don’t ever help and always stir up chaos. You are in cahoots with mini Zayn.”

“If I’m not around then this zoo will be so boooooooring. And you know Lou hired me coz I’m his best friend.” Zayn smirks as he gives Harry a friendly pat on the back. “Now run along and go find your husband. I overheard you guys earlier… Dancing lesson? You guys are beyond sick.” All of this, Zayn says with a knowing fond smile.

Harry brightens. “Aww, Z, does that mean you’ll help me feed the squirrels, camels and ravens?” “That is one long list… But fine. Go have some quality time with your husband and leave you guys’ children to me then.” One last thing before Harry leaves, he hears Zayn muttering. “Can’t believe these two went and bought themselves a zoo.”

[thychesters]

“get in losers, we’re declaring war on the world government.” - luffy, gathering a ragtag group of his crew members, shipwrights, and a gang on this rocketman sea train with zero controls

[otanvisky]

[pigtailpoll]

ROUND 7 PART 1

[tamtam-go92]

When Connar's 24 hours start, he's still fast asleep.

[ashwhowrites]

Hiii i really lovee your writings! Hope can make it into your request list. I'm thinking of simp eddie doing everything that he can to keep his girlfriend's attention on him all day, especially when there is an event outside that gets her busy from catering to his needs. And one thing that he can't stand, is waking up to an empty side bed. Thank you!

This was adorable. And I'm definitely Eddie in this situation. I want my partners attention 24/7. I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting 🫶🏻

Her attention

Eddie was smitten and in love with his girlfriend, and everyone knew it. It didn't matter if it was a stranger or his best friend, it was clear he lived for the attention of her.

Y/N and Eddie have been together for a year and the honeymoon phase never fizzled. He loved her more as each day passed.

And he loved having her attention focused just on him. If her eyes wandered elsewhere, he was quick to bring her eyes right back. He was like a little puppy, with his soft eyes and hyper attitude when she looked at him. He sat and waited at the door, staring at the window all day long, and bounced at her feet once she walked in.

He didn't like to be alone, and she knew that. She was happy to bring him along everywhere if he was welcomed. She loved that boy just as much as he loved her.

~~~

Y/N led Eddie into the restaurant and he refused to let go of her hand. She loved how he followed her around with no thoughts in his pretty boy's head.

"Last to join us, I wonder why," Steve teased as the couple joined the gang in a large booth. His eyes looked to Eddie as he made room.

"Traffic," Eddie lied

"At least you had someone to keep you busy," Robin added as she flicked the red lipstick on Eddie's neck. He flinched and muttered ow.

Eddie kept his hand in hers as they ordered their drinks.

The gang was quick to jump into a conversation.

"How is the new job?" Nancy asked, her eyes on Y/N

"It is so good!" Y/N exclaimed with a smile. "My boss is very nice and the workload isn't too bad."

She felt Eddie's fingers tap against her thigh but she continued to talk. "My coworker did the funniest thing!"

The longer she told the story, the more she felt Eddie's fingers tapping her thigh. He began to poke her skin as he waited for her to notice him. He ignored everyone else, his head turned just to face her. His puppy eyes frowning as he waited for her to look back at him.

The group laughed as she finished the story, Dustin quick to add on with his own. Y/N gave him her full attention as she listened. She gave Eddie's hand a squeeze, but that didn't satisfy him.

"So Eddie!" Mike went to ask a question as Y/N talked with the group. But Eddie didn't bother to turn around. He waved Mike off with his free hand.

Eddie groaned as Robin brought her into another conversation.

The drinks were dropped off and the food was in the kitchen. And Eddie still didn't have her attention.

He huffed and puffed, pouting like a baby as he kicked whoever started a conversation underneath the table.

"OW!"

"OW!"

"EDDIE STOP!"

"Edward!" Y/N scolded, as the table grumbled in pain. Her eyes finally looked over to him. That excited puppy look in his eyes. He smiled like he did nothing wrong, just excited that she was finally paying attention to him.

"Yes, my love?" he asked, picking up her hand to kiss the back of it.

"Stop hurting our friends!"

~

It took another five minutes before Eddie started pouting again. Her attention was on Nancy, as Eddie groaned.

"We'll be right back," Y/N said as she dragged Eddie out of the booth. The tabled "ooo" ed as Eddie flipped them off.

They went outside and rounded the corner to be out of eyesight.

"What is the deal?" She snapped, her hand dropped his as she crossed her arms.

Eddie knew she was slightly pissed, but he knew exactly how to get out of it.

"I wanted to get you alone," he said, a smirk playing on his lips as he leaned against the wall

"Why?"

He didn't say anything, just grabbed her arm, making her uncross them. He grabbed her hand and yanked her right against him. She gasped as her body smacked into his hard chest.

"Because this is more fun," he whispered as he looked into her eyes. His eyes flashed down to her lips before he leaned in. She closed her eyes and met him halfway in a steamy kiss. He let go of her hand to wrap his arms around her waist. She moaned as his tongue slipped in her mouth. Her hands were against his chest as she kissed him harder.

She moaned as he moved his hand down to her ass. He budged his knee between her legs and pushed her hips against him.

~~~

Y/N and Eddie were finding their seats. Y/N munched on Twizzlers as Eddie led them to two open seats. The previews played on the big screen and Eddie dug into the popcorn.

As the lights dimmed and the movie started to roll, Eddie remembered why he hated the movie theater. He had to be silent, he couldn't talk to his girlfriend like he wanted. And he was supposed to keep his hands to himself. If he can't touch her or talk to her, how would he ever get her attention?

Eddie barely made it thirty minutes into the movie before he slipped his hand in hers. She held his hand back but eyes focused on the movie. He rubbed her hand with his thumb, but her eyes were locked on the film.

He unlaced their hands and grabbed her chin instead. He softly turned her head and kissed her lips. She thought it was a quick peck, but Eddie had other things in mind.

~~~

Eddie groaned as the morning sunlight shined through his window and right on his eyes. He turned his body, reaching for Y/N but felt his hand hit the empty space.

He shot up immediately and opened his eyes.

"BABY?" he screamed into the empty room

"SHOWER"

He got out of bed, yawning as he crossed the hallway to the open bathroom door. He watched as her body slid behind the curtain and the water began running.

He rubbed his tired eyes and then slipped out of his boxers. He opened the closet and grabbed another towel. Placing it on the hook next to hers.

He didn't say anything as he pulled back the curtain and stepped into the shower. He wrapped his arms around her waist and planted his head on her shoulder. He pecked her cheek and hummed in delight as the warm water began to soak into his curls.

"I missed you," he said into her skin

"I missed you too, baby," she said, turning her head to give him a quick kiss.

~~~

"And then he-"

Eddie groaned as Y/N talked on the phone. He was lying on her bed with his guitar. He strummed a few random chords as she gossiped with one of her friends. Her back was to him and he hated it.

"Babeeeeeee" he whispered but she didn't turn around

"Babyyyyyy" he tried again, she turned but held her finger up

He rolled his eyes and picked up his guitar, he stood right behind her, waiting for her to turn around.

"One sec, Rob. Eddie needs to show me something," she sighed. She turned to Eddie with a questioning look.

"I learned a new song! Listen!"

~

Robin sighed as she waited for Y/N to return to the phone. After a while, she heard the guitar stop and the couple whispering. Then it got silent

"Y/N, you there?" she asked

more silence

then a high-pitched moan came through the phone along with Eddie's name.

Robin gagged and hung up the phone. She'll try to have Y/N's attention another day.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger

[sophiethewitch1]

What We Want Masterlist

In Which A Romantic Breaks The Universe.

(Yandere!batboys x f!reader)

SUMMARY

Another lonely birthday, another empty year. You miss your family. You're late for your bills and rent, and even then, you got robbed last Tuesday.

Still, you buy yourself a cupcake, because you need it. I mean, hey. What's dessert for if not to get over cheating boyfriends and dead relatives?

As you blow out the candle, watching the clock switch from 11:59 pm to midnight of the next day, you make a wish.

And because the world doesn't like to make much sense, it comes true. Your life is suddenly flipped on a dime, and you're stuck trying to catch up with it. Fantasy becomes reality. You're a Wayne now, apparently. Or you used to be. You're loved, you're rich, you're talented and powerful.

Well, sort of. Careful what you wish for, right?

GENERAL TRIGGER WARNINGS/THINGS YOU CAN EXPECT

18+ MDNI, SLOW BURN yandere, romantic yandere with the 4 robin boys, rest of the batfam aren't yandere but still care about you, reader is a girlfailure, ex-step siblings (the dead mother trope), reverse harem, healthy dosing of enemies to lovers, my stupid romance novel tropes, fem!reader and afab!reader, all romantic leads 18+, the graphic violence, death and other such triggers of the original series, attempted sexual assault (chpt. 3), themes of depression/suicide, family death, themes of poverty, alcohol, mentions of alcoholism, my own mix of canon because honestly the canon right now is embarrassing, atypical/soft yandere behaviour, fluff and angst, suggestive and eventual smut, an eventual shared darling/polyandry, SLOW/INCONSISTENT UPDATES (aiming for once a month)

0. - The Second Worst Birthday Ever 1. - Not Quite An Isekai 2. - First (Second) Introductions 3. - Dreams And... 4. - Nightmares Too 5. - Meet The Adams Family 6. - Round Two. Fight! 7. - Black N' White Knight

Word Count as of the Chapter 6: 37k

Series tag (anon asks, snippets, updates and actual chapters all included): #series:WWW

More important asks/FAQ

Question about the boys being romantic or platonic Another question about the boys being hesitant or not Question about Damian being platonic or yandere Questions about Bruce being platonic or yandere Important note about the ex-stepsis thing Future sneak peek ft. Dames being stupid Question about happy/sad ending Future sneak peek ft. Dick being stupid

Fanart! Please give everyone here lots of love, their work is amazing!

Tim's Introduction Jason's Introduction Reader Under The Table SceneTM Reader Before And After The Worst Birthday Ever

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Peter Falk (The Great Race, Robin and the 7 Hoods)—let me just quote Frank Capra: "the entire production was agony ... except for Peter Falk. He was my joy, my anchor to reality. Introducing that remarkable talent to the techniques of comedy made me forget pains, tired blood, and maniacal hankerings to murder Glenn Ford (the film's star)." i also just find scrungly little guys to be the peak of attraction.

Omar Sharif (Funny Girl, Lawrence of Arabia)—he and Peter O'Toole didn't have the heaviest "we're fucking" energy in Lawrence of Arabia for nothing!

This is round 4 of the bracket. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage man. Gentle reminder from admin that the propaganda cuts off at 1970, so anything made after that point will not be included.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Peter Falk propaganda:

"listen Peter Falk saved the day for me in robin in the 7 hoods. he saved me in it's a mad mad mad mad world. he damn right resuscitated me in the great race. every movie this man is in is made better by his presence and he should eat the competition alive."

Submitted: "1:56:30 on for Peter Falk's ass in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. yes he falls off a building yes he drives a cab yes he hates the cops"

Omar Sharif propaganda:

[gendercensus]

Following on from the success of the Pronoun Joust (Pronoust), welcome to the equally well-named

NONBINARY NAME-OFF

Me and @averixus chose the pairs in the first round using a random number generator on the top 32 names from a survey I ran earlier in 2023.

Round 1

Poll 1: Ren vs. Elliot

Poll 2: Aster vs. Rowan

Poll 3: Jay vs. Ash

Poll 4: Casey vs. Mars

Poll 5: Max vs. Quinn

Poll 6: Bee vs. Kit

Poll 7: Oliver vs. Leo

Poll 8: Jamie vs. Blue

Poll 9: Lee vs. Eli

Poll 10: Sam vs. Robin

Poll 11: Ray vs. Jasper

Poll 12: Jack vs. Theo

Poll 13: James vs. Alex

Poll 14: Wren vs. Kai

Poll 15: Charlie vs. Finn

Poll 16: Crow vs. Moss

Round 2

Poll 1: Ren vs. Rowan

Poll 2: Ash vs. Mars

Poll 3: Quinn vs. Kit

Poll 4: Oliver vs. Blue

Poll 5: Eli vs. Robin

Poll 6: Jasper vs. Theo

Poll 7: Alex vs. Wren

Poll 8: Finn vs. Crow

Round 3

Poll 1: Rowan vs. Ash

Poll 2: Quinn vs. Blue

Poll 3: Robin vs. Jasper

Poll 4: Wren vs. Crow

Semi-final

Poll 1: Rowan vs. Quinn

Poll 2: Robin vs. Wren

Final

Rowan vs. Wren

WINNER: Rowan

[wynnyfryd]

Trailer park Steve AU part 27

part 1 | part 26 | ao3

cw: recreational drug use. short, fluffy update today to round out ch. 6; be back after the weekend to start ch. 7

In hindsight, accidentally hot boxing Eddie’s van while they were all already drunk was… maybe not the best idea.

Steve has no idea how they got here; blinked and time did the thing again, but now it’s three in the morning and Gareth’s conked out with a black eye in the front passenger seat and the rest of them are sprawled on top of each other like puppies in the back of the van — Eddie with his head in Robin’s lap so she can braid his hair, Steve using Eddie’s chest as a pillow, Max curled up like a sleeping cat in the crook of Steve’s bent knees.

With his eyes closed, Steve feels like he’s fallen into some dark, glittering void, purple-blue-black swirls of light dancing behind his eyelids to the syrupy beat of a metal ballad Eddie’s playing at the lowest volume. Eddie hums along in a low, soft rasp, and Steve’s head moves with the swell of each breath; gentle rocking rise and fall, luring Steve away from shore. Somewhere curious and strange. Deep ocean, dark waters. His thoughts float by like jellyfish.

Eddie’s warm through his t-shirt.

“Still alive down there, Sneeze?” Eddie asks. He’s carding his fingers idly through Steve’s hair, rings catching on the strands, tugging a little on his scalp.

“Feels good,” Steve hums. Wait a minute. “Did’you jus’ call me Sneeze?”

“No?” Eddie snorts. “Just called you Steve, sweetheart.”

“I’m absolutely gonna start calling you Sneeze, though,” Robin chimes in, pitching her voice all low and stupid. “‘Yes, hello, I’m Robin and this is my very best friend, Sneeze Handkerchief.’”

Eddie lets out a cackle and immediately joins in on her game of royally fucking up Steve’s name.

Steve closes his eyes again, lets himself drift out into the weird purple-blue-black-glitter magic slime swirl situation. Sloshy and dark and warm and nice. It’s just nice: Eddie’s breathing, full and slow; Robin’s laugh like cracked church bells. He likes hearing them get along even when he can’t make out the words.

He likes it less when he can make out the words. He wades back to himself for a moment, cracks one eye open and finds them red-faced and crying laughing over “Edgy Mustard and his neighbor, Sven Hamburger” and mumbles, “You’re both such fuckin’ dorks.”

“You’re a fuckin’ dork, you fuckin’ dork,” Max mutters in response, turning over with a soft snore.

“Oh, my god,” Eddie whispers, “did that kid just shit talk you in her sleep?”

“She’s incredible,” Robin coos. “Sven, we may have to reassess your status as my best friend; I’m obsessed with her.”

Steve rolls over and faceplants into Eddie’s stomach with a pouty harrumph. “Leamme alone, you bullies, ’m sleepin’.”

—

part 28

tag lists in separate reblogs with the tag "#trailer park steve au taglist" if you'd like to filter that content, comment if you want to be added (21+ only, please confirm your age if you're asking to be tagged; if you’re already on the list you’re good you can ignore this message lol)

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Who kidnapped age gap reader?? :(( AND WHY??

You sit on the cot and try to stay calm. Calm is good. Calm is safe. If you stay calm maybe you can make him think you're going along with it. That you're going to let it all happen like he wants. And he'll let his guard down.

This time it's a storage unit, it looks like. And- oh, how kind. He gave you a bucket. And some gossip rags. About yourself? what the fuck? "We'll have 7 kids," he declared, "We'll need 7 to be in our band-"

"Oh what instrument do you-"

"SHUT UP!" he barked rounding on you, "You owe me this. You don't TALK unless I tell you you fucking can, do you understand?"

You stare at him insolently. Blinking. Waiting.

"Answer me, you useless foid," he screamed.

"You didn't tell me I could talk to you," you answer simply.

But when he brandishes the knife at you again, only to have a Batarang hit the back of his hand and force him to drop it, you exhale slowly. "That's quite enough of that," Bruce said, handily backhanding the man out of his way towards Clark.

"Well, I feel special," you manage, through chattering teeth. Not sure why you feel so cold.

"My mother is a big fan of your movies, ma'am," Clark called over his shoulder, as he carried the still howling kidnapper away. Off to find a convenient cop to hand him to.

Bruce was grateful all you had was a few bruises. But when you start to cry, he pulled you against his chest, "It's alright," he soothed. "You're safe. Princess, I'm here."

"I tried to run but-"

"I know," he murmured. "You did everything you could do." He wrapped his cape around you when he heard cop cars. Aware that your clothes were torn from the struggle.

"Do you have to go?" you asked him.

"If anyone asks," Bruce said smiling a little, "Superman picked me up because he wanted help putting the case together. And I helped because all my Robins liked your movies."

"So sell it."

"Peak starlet. Or just faint if you don't want to do press things. Did he hit your head? What hurts, baby?" You're still sniffling. Even if you're not clinging to him now that there are witnesses.

"I'm just so tired, Brucie," you murmur.

And he knows you're not just talking about today. You're tired of being afraid. Tired of having to protect yourself and not knowing who to trust. And his heart aches. "Just talk to the cops and then faint," he murmurs. "I'm going to disappear. They'll take you to the hospital. Then Bruce Wayne will come and pick you up, okay?"

"Okay," you murmur, wiping tears away on the back of your hand.

[mfshipbracket]

welcome to ghost mod's thought experiment, the m/f ship bracket bonus round where every single m/f ship from the original round is pit against reylo of the 97/3 #shreksweep infamy.

why, you ask? mostly cuz of this.

they're going from lowest to highest per the original rankings, starting off with our newcomers adam/eve. 9 polls per day will roll out on queue throughout the est evening from may 12th-18th! after polls are closed one week later, i will post the final rankings of who swept the hardest (or failed to sweep...)

all polls can be found under the #bonus round tag, and this masterpost also contains links to each specific poll. there is also a spreadsheet with current bonus round standings and stats from the original bracket if you like numbers. :)

disclaimer: not a reylo hater. i'm just ardently devoted to the bit

DAY ONE

1. Adam/Eve (The Bible) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 2. Barbie/Ken (Barbie) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 3. Branch/Poppy (TROLLS) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 4. Hori/Kashima (Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 5. Naegi/Kirigiri (Dangan Ronpa) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 6. Fakir/Ahiru (Princess Tutu) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 7. Jake/Amy (Brooklyn 99) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 8. Sonic/Amy (Sonic the Hedgehog) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 9. Vax'ildan/Keyleth (Critical Role/TLOVM) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars)

DAY TWO

10. Barry Bluejeans/Lup (The Adventure Zone: Balance) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 11. Westley/Buttercup (The Princess Bride) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 12. Lucas/Max (Stranger Things) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 13. Bella Swan/Edward Cullen (Twilight) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 14. Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa (Six of Crows) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 15. Zagreus/Megaera (Hades) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 16. Greg/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 17. Orpheus/Eurydice (Hadestown) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 18. Sans/Toriel (Undertale) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars)

DAY THREE

19. Megamind/Roxanne (Megamind) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 20. Inuyasha/Kagome (Inuyasha) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 21. Mamoru/Usagi (Sailor Moon) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 22. Anne/Gilbert (Anne with an E) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 23. Mako/Raleigh (Pacific Rim) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 24. Nancy/Jonathan (Stranger Things) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 25. Wanda/Vision (Marvel/MCU) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 26. Aragorn/Arwen (Lord of the Rings) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 27. Rayla/Callum (The Dragon Prince) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars)

DAY FOUR

X. Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars VS King Charles/Camilla (United Kingdom) 28. Anakin/Padme (Star Wars) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 29. Anthony Bridgerton/Kate Sharma (Bridgerton) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 30. Percy/Vex'ahlia (Critical Role/TLOVM) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 31. Kyo/Tohru (Fruits Basket) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 32. Batman/Catwoman (DC) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 33. Tenth Doctor/Rose (Doctor Who) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 34. Cassian/Jyn (Star Wars) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 35. Joyce/Hopper (Stranger Things) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 36. Aang/Katara (ATLA) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars)

DAY FIVE

37. Mermista/Seahawk (She-ra and the Princesses of Power) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 38. Robin/Starfire (DC/Teen Titans) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 39. Tamaki/Haruhi (Ouran High School Host Club) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 40. Mulder/Scully (The X-Files) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 41. Glimmer/Bow (She-ra and the Princesses of Power) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 42. Zuko/Katara (ATLA) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 43. Steven/Connie (Steven Universe) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 44. Han/Leia (Star Wars) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 45. Beast Boy/Raven (DC/Teen Titans) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars)

DAY SIX

46. Edward/Winry (Fullmetal Alchemist) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 47. Peter/MJ (Marvel/MCU) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 48. Katniss/Peeta (The Hunger Games) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 49. Marinette/Adrien (Miraculous Ladybug) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 50. Kim Possible/Ron Stoppable (Kim Possible) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 51. Darcy/Elizabeth (Pride and Prejudice) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 52. Roy/Riza (Fullmetal Alchemist) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 53. Miles Morales/Gwen Stacy (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 54. Zelda/Link (Zelda Series) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars)

DAY SEVEN

55. Twilight/Yor (Spy X Family) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 56. Sokka/Suki (ATLA) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 57. Hunter/Willow (The Owl House) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 58. Chidi/Eleanor (The Good Place) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 59. Ms. Piggy/Kermit (The Muppets) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 60. Rapunzel/Eugene (Tangled) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 61. Howl/Sophie (Howl’s Moving Castle) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 62. Percy/Annabeth (Percy Jackson Series) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 63. Morticia/Gomez (The Addams Family) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars)

[otanvisky]

[timetravellibrarian]

Sanji x reader

Some thoughts on Sanji.

Sanji x femreader

_________________________________________

What happens when a simp meets another simp.

Sanji's advances toward women were never really taken seriously or even paid attention to.

He mostly cooked and waited tables at the Baratie, occasionally kicking ass if needed to. One thing he wasn't expecting was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen – you– enter through the doors along with a green-haired man and another gorgeous orange-haired woman.

"Hello ladies, what would you like to order?"When he had smoothly delivered a pickup line to both you and Nami– much to Zoro's annoyance at not getting proper service– he expected the usual his advance ignored.

"Well, I'd order you but you aren't on the menu." You threw back. It wasn't intentional. You weren't that much of a flirt, only used to doing or saying something to challenge or fluster others occasionally.

When the waiter in front of you seemed to have frozen on the spot and then smirked you were left with two words on your mind 'oh shit'.

Fast forward to the same man being in your crew, serving you guys the most delectable meals and kicking ass you were ready to give up on having a peaceful life.

Though he sent all his simpery to Robin and Nami he left you out of the loop. At first you didn't mind but overtime you questioned his actions. Wondering if he didn't try to flirt with you because of the first time you met or maybe he didn't think you were beautiful. Then you looked in the mirror and realised it must have been some other reason cause you knew you were drop dead gorgeous.

You weren't being vain, you knew you were pretty because you were told so by Apis when the crew helped her with Grandpa Ryu. Kids never lie about such matters.

Unbeknownst to you, Sanji didn't treat you the same because he knew that he wouldn't be able to save himself from loving you and confessing.

Your eyes, your voice, the grace in which you would do things. Even when you were being a menace to society. All of those he loved. You'd think he couldn't simp enough till he saw you not look glamorous and just chose to where baggy clothes. Not gonna lie he'd think you were gorgeous in a chicken costume, you never know with this man

As much as he was too shy to approach you he wasn't afraid yelling at Zoro to stop being so close to you.

You were close friends with Zoro. It couldn't be helped if you were the weapons expert, always checking if cannons were clear, swords were sharp and helping with new inventions with Franky.

So instead of noodle dancing around you he did the little things. Checking everything that he cooks didn't have anything you were allergic to. Always making sure you had a little lunch bag whenever everyone left to explore the island. Giving you extra cupcakes or other baked goods of you ever want more.

If you're a picky eater, he'd make sure to make your food according to your taste. Leaving multiple options on the dinner table for your palate.

He also made sure not to be away from your side too long. Wherever you turn you'd find a swirly-browed cook casually wrapping an arm round you to stave off any threats.

When you get sick he'd be calling in Chopper for any problem you would even slightly complain about. He'd be beside you 24/7 like you were dying or something. Which is kinda sweet but he was needed in the kitchen.

Overtime it just became normal for all this to happen. You got used to it. In fact I think y'all would be the kinda couple that just happened but then later confessed your undying love for each other.

To top it off, you were his number one supporter. Everytime you caught a glimpse of him fighting you'd cheer like you saw a celebrity. Some would swear that his behaviour rubbed off on you because you were also cheering and doing a noodle dance whenever he wore a different suit or set of clothes.

"YOU'RE DOING GREAT, SANJI-DARLING!" – 😍

But sometimes there were some downs in the relationship, for example his smoking.

You'd worry over him whenever he pulled out a cigarette one after the other in a day. Which led to you talking to him about it.

"If you don't atleast limit your smoking, you might as well be Black-lung Sanji."

He was a bit flabbergasted with the statement but he got what you meant.

Or if you had terrible coughs in reaction to his smoking he would try to smoke at a distance so he wouldn't and I quote, "Damage your gorgeous lungs"

As we all know Sanji, he didn't like women fighting too much or getting hurt but you immediately shut him down on that one, saying that as much as some of his morals were so gentlemanly and some old fashioned he had to accept that you wanted to fight. You wanted to help Luffy become king of the pirates. You wanted to be able reach your dream. So that needed you to be strong. That needed you to fight.

Since then he just aimed to be able to support you in any event that you needed help but he wouldn't be overbearing.

Would allow only you near the kitchen if you wanted to cook or bake something and you would allow only him near your forge/ workspace if he wanted to be near you.

Unfortunately for him you had connections wherever you went so you found out about his life in Peachy Island and never let him rest about it for a while.

And before anyone says anything about Fishman Island Sanji. Let's just say you were besties with Zoro there. Much to the cook's dismay.

"Stop being around that mosshead, Love."

"Stop losing blood around mermaids, Sweetheart."

Long story short, y'all were a confusing couple around that time. In fact, once he saw you were hanging out with the swordsman he would butt heads with the man. Leading you to pull him away before anything crazy happened.

Most times you told him to sit down and let you cook for the crew, especially if he was injured. He wouldn't allow it on account of Luffy's stomach being a literal black hole but you'd convince him otherwise.

When y'all fought together it was sure to leave the enemy in broken bones, hopes and dreams.

With Sanji kicking them away with his special moves and you pulling out a large cannon from the bag you carry around ( which was comically small but it was your magical inventory), nothing could stop you two. Sometime you'd trade opponents if he found himself fighting a woman.

Sometimes you helped him clean up after meals. Making sure that he didn't get all the work.

Most times he'd sit with you beneath the blanket of stars, his head on you chest/belly and you'd both share secrets about yourselves.

All in all, Sanji would love you to infinity and you'd love him just as much.

[imfinereallyy]

celebrate softly

it my birthday today so here’s a lil gift from me to you (yes I know that’s not how this works haha) I made a bunch of little things is celebration, i probably won’t post these till later in the day so sorry if you get a bunch at once.

Steve wanted to like his birthday.

No, really, he truly did. He knew that birthdays were the one time of year you get to be a little selfish. The people you loved gathered around you to celebrate another year of you.

It was just that Steve was also used to disappointment.

Over the years, his birthday has consisted of either his parents parading him around at business dinners or the empty silence of a house that wasn’t ever a home.

His old friends were never around. It was a holiday weekend; he didn’t expect them to stick around. Even if they had, Steve was almost sure they would have made him throw a party, where they would have pressured him to get drunk and sleep with someone, and…

Yea, Steve wasn’t interested.

The one birthday he spent with Nancy had been okay. She had to go on a family trip, her parents attempt at getting their kids to cheer up over the loss of their friends, and she was going to leave the morning of his birthday. But at midnight of July 2nd, she had snuck into his window even though she could have walked through the front door. Nancy had brought him a cupcake, a small present, and a soft smile. Steve had wanted to kiss her, but he knew it wasn’t what she wanted then. He wanted to be respectful, so he held her hand instead.

Nancy hadn’t brought a candle, said she didn’t want to risk burning the Harrington Household down. Steve had laughed, saying that would be the best birthday present ever, but she hadn’t laughed back.

The present had been a book. Which wasn’t a terrible gift per se, Steve liked reading it was just he had difficulty doing it. He couldn’t focus long enough, or he would have to reread sentences over and over again.

It just didn’t feel worth the frustration.

But it was sweet of her to get him something, so he tried reading it. It took him months to finish it, even though it was small. It was boring, and Steve had found the main character whiny, and Steve had begun to wonder if Nancy was trying to tell him something.

Then the Upside Down round two had happened, Steve got his ass kicked again and learned that Catcher in the Rye was Jonathan’s favorite book.

Steve had thrown out the book amongst his bloody bandages.

Steve was only slightly hopeful to have a good birthday last year. He had good friends (sure, one was his ex, and the other were children, but he still counted them); Dustin would be home from camp, and even though he had work, he got to spend the whole day bothering Robin, which brought him a special kind of joy.

But then they were cracking Russian code, getting tortured, and watching Max’s Stepbrother die, all within the days of his birthday.

So Steve didn’t have high expectations this year. Sure, people knew it was his birthday, it was hard to hide when he was friends with the nosiest people, but most of them were spending the entire weekend staying with Max, and he would have been too if Max hadn’t thrown a remote at him when he suggested it.

So Steve had conceded to having a quiet but lonely July 2nd.

But then at 7 am there was a knock on his front door.

A knock was putting it lightly, there was pounding echoing in the Harrington Household.

When Steve walked up to the door, he was prepared to drive away some bigots who had been trying to “repent Hawkins.” They had been going around the richer neighborhoods recently, saying we needed to clean up the streets of the sinners and the queers.

Yea, they were knocking on the wrong door.

Steve hadn’t expect Eddie Munson, notorious night owl, to be crowding his doorway at 7 am.

“Harrington, have I ever told you how absolutely ugly your house is? Like for how wealthy your parents are, they chose an absolute nightmare of a layout! It makes no sense.” Eddie budged his way past Steve with his arms full of bags.

“I’ve been telling him that for a year, Eddie, and every time he just shrugs!” Steve turned to find Robin bullying her way through him as well. She had a handful of videos in her hands.

“Sure, come in, I guess,” Steve mumbled. He shut the door and turned toward his intruders. “Not that I don’t love a surprise appearance at—“ Steve checked his watch “—7:03 am, but is there a reason why you are awake before the birds are even chirping?”

Eddie snorted and just gave him a look instead of answering. Robin shook her head, “What doofus hear is trying to convey with a noise, Jesus Eds, I know you’re not a morning, but words please, is that we are obviously here for your birthday. You, Steven Alison Harrington—“

“Not my middle name.”

“—we’re born at exactly 7:07 am on July 2nd. So we had to be here to say happy birthday officially!”

“How do you even know the time? I don’t even know that.”

“She snuck a look at your file last time Owen’s was in town.” Eddie smirked.

Robin hit him upside the head, “Don’t tell him that asshole, he already thinks I’m crazy enough. And don’t act like this wasn’t your idea!”

Eddie rubbed the back his head in dramatic fashion then yelled, “Snitch!” through hissed teeth.

Steve felt himself unthaw at the idea that these two weirdos woke up this early for him. “Ah, well, thanks, guys.” A blush rose on his cheeks, “Well, thanks for stopping by; you guys can go home and sleep if you want.”

“Stevie, did you think we brought all this to just leave? On your birthday. Oh no, no, no. We are having a whole movie and snack day! I brought weed, and chips, and we can order a pizza later in the day. And just be lazy weirdos in your fancy living room.” Eddie hopped up on his coffee table, startling a laugh from Steve.

“That sounds like a typically Friday for us, what’s so special about it?” Steve teased.

“Well we brought all of your favorite movies! Grease, Top Gun, Karate Kid, Indiana Jones...wait I think I'm noticing a theme here—“

“Robin!” Steve screeched, his blush coming back with vengeance. He didn’t want her to reveal there very obvious, and embarrassing pattern to his favorite films.

“And!” Eddie said from atop his place on the coffee table, unfazed by the two of them, “We are paying for the pizza.” His voice oozed with pride at that. Steve was sure he had come up with the idea.

“Wow I’m a spoiled prince. Maybe ever think I wanted to stay in bed?” Steve raised a single eyebrow.

“Oh but my sweet prince, we know you rather spend this glorious day with us.” Eddie was confident, with confidence came the damn nicknames, and Jesus Christ—this blush of his was never going away. “Besides what else could you wish for!”

A kiss from you. Steve thought quickly.

Steve sighed deeply before saying, “Alright. Get down.”

Eddie seemed taken aback, like he hadn’t expected the rejection. “Oh yea man, of course. We will get out of your hair.” He scrambled off the table.

Steve giggled, “No Eds. I’m moving the coffee table. This couch is a pullout. We can all just lay on it while we watch movies.”

Eddie’s face lit up while Robin yelled, “Oh thank god, I’m exhausted.”

An hour later, when the sun was still barely risen and Grease blared in the background, Robin was bundled up in the blankets they dragged from his room, out like a light.

Eddie and Steve huddled close, but didn’t touch. The anticipation and want sat between them. “I actually have something for you.” Eddie whispered.

Robin snored beside them; Steve looked at her fondly. “You don’t have to whisper; she’s a heavy sleeper. Learned that the hard way.”

“Ah well, I have a present for you.”

Steve knows he should say that Eddie shouldn’t have, or insist he returns it. He knew it was the polite thing to do. He couldn’t find it in himself to do it, though. The idea that Eddie even thought to get him something beyond the amazing day they had planned (truly Steve couldn’t ask for a better day), but Eddie had spent his time to get something for Steve.

It was nice to have someone who would do something nice for you just because they can, not because they should. So, Steve waited patiently as Eddie reached into his bag beside the couch.

“Here.” Eddie spoke, placing the roughly wrapped package in his lap.

There was a tiny notecard with Eddie’s chicken scratch on it; Steve decided to read that first.

Stevie,

No adventure is the same without you, and this is the only one I have taken without you by my side. Thought it was about time we changed that. Hopefully we are not forever partners in crime (we’ve had enough of that) but instead, adventurers taking on then great unknown.

Together.

Yours,

Eddie Munson ッ

Steve smoothed over the card and tried not to cry. The poorly drawn smiley face stared up at him from the piece of parchment. Steve tucked it into his pocket for safe keeping; he might even frame it.

Eddie looked at Steve eagerly as he tried to open the package. He does it slowly to tease Eddie; his frustrated little growl made butterflies in Steve’s stomach.

Inside the package is a worn-out book, one he would recognize anywhere, considering he saw it every day on Eddie’s bookshelf. “Eds, this is your copy of Lord of the Rings. I can’t take this.”

Eddie put his hair in front of his mouth, suddenly shy, “Well, it wouldn’t be exactly yours. It’s just I thought it would be fun to, ya know, read it together? Like we take turns reading to each other. I know the kids always bug you to read it, and I noticed that it’s hard for you to focus sometimes, and I get that, so it might be easier if we like make it a thing? I know it’s probably not your interest; it’s my favorite book, not yours, so you know what? This is stupid—“

Steve cut him off by pulling him into a hug. Steve buried himself into Eddie’s neck before saying, “Thank you. It’s the best birthday present.”

“Really?” Eddie pulled back to look at Steve’s face. Whatever he found there must settle him, because he relaxed his shoulders. “I know it’s silly, but I guess I wanted to share this piece of myself with you…and maybe spend some more time together.”

Steve didn’t mention how they spent almost every day together, didn’t think he had to either. They both knew.

Steve decided to be bold instead. He pushed Eddie back into the couch and settled his back into Eddie’s chest. He snuggled into the warmth of his arms.

Steve put the book in Eddie’s hand. “Okay, you read first.”

Eddie laughed; Steve could feel the vibrations from under his skin. It was delightful; it was delicious. “Oh, you want to start now?”

Steve made an indignant noise while Eddie laughed again at him. His hands settled at the back of Steve’s neck as he played with hair that brushed it.

“When Mr Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventyifirst birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was …”

And once again, hours later, when Steve woke up, after drifting to Eddie’s soft, deep voice, Steve felt something settle in him. He felt Eddie lightly snoring beneath him, one hand still tangled in his hair. He felt Robin’s hand wrapped around his ankle, grounding the both of them. And there, between all of them, was the fallen book with no bookmark, signaling they would have to start again.

Maybe, sometimes. Steve thinks, birthdays could be good.

***

projecting. projecting. projecting. that’s me.

I hope you guys liked this one :) I did use my own bday for him, but the time he was born at is different than mine lol. I had a lot of fun writing it, it was just the softness I needed.

[denileisariver]

warnings: dick analysis!, explicit detail of male genitalia, multiple versions of batman ♡, the batman (2022), batman v. superman, batman: arkham knight, comic batman, justice league.

a/n: purely for shits and giggles. if you saw me accidentally post this, no you fucking didn't.

THE BATMAN (2022)

tbh i think he would have an average length. like 6 inches, uncut, not too thick but not skinny either. his dick is prettyyyy. like really fucking pretty. the tip of his cock is a soft pinkish color, darkening slightly when he's hard. the bottom of his tip would form a sort of 'y' shape. this man is pale and so is the shaft of his dick, about #f2dac9. he's not really veiny either, the skin soft and smooth.

as an incluse, he doesn't really have sex, if any at all. he probably masturbates the most out of all the versions of batman. because of this, i feel like his balls would be pretty full, but they're not super big and heavy either. they're definitely really sensitive from not being touched a lot. would hang a bit more on the higher side.

cums so much ♡. like hyperspermia type shit. his seed would probably be a really pigmented white, spurting out in thick ropes. when he cums, the tip of his cock turns a softer red from the blood rush.

he would probably prefer to be nice and tidy, even completely shaven occasionally. but he gets too obsessed with work, and forgets about it sometimes, leaving him with a cute happy trail. his pubic hair never gets really long at all before he's cutting it off.

BATMAN V. SUPERMAN

probably baised but he has a really fat cock. super thick and girthy, the stretch of it 100% hurts a bit during sex. i'd still put him around 6.7 inches, he definitely shows a lot though, so maybe even 7 inches. he's cut too, the tip of his cock would be more mushroom shaped. the base of it would be slightly hyperpigmented, but overall around #e3c2aa. not the most veiny either, but a long thick vein would protrude from it along the shaft.

his balls are big, i don't wanna hear any backtalk. as the divorced husband and without any robins left, he's a fucking loner. he probably still fucks a decent amount, but not as much as people think. his balls would hang more lower. they're not the most sensitive, but he'd appreciate getting them licked or even sucked while receiving head.

his cum would be on the more opaque side, more translucent, the pigment softer in color. he doesn't cum super large amounts, but it definitely isn't small amounts of it either. you probably wouldn't be seeing much of it anyways, since he'd prefer to cum inside any of your holes he can get.

he's more hairy, not really caring much anymore about shaving as he gets older. he's not crazily unkempt, but he would probably hold it off until the hair gets uncomfortable or even if you asked him to.

BATMAN: ARKHAM KNIGHT

he's fucking hung, i don't care what anybody says. easily 8 inches, also cut, the girth of it at the very least 3.5 inches. the tip of his cock might be more on the bigger side, the shape of it also more of a mushroom shape but more pointing upwards instead of round at the top, the bottom of the tip barely having a sort of short 'y' shape.

speaking of things pointing upwards, his cock is definitely curved up a bit, perfect to hit all those extra sensitive spots inside you. the most veiny out of all versions of batman, blame that on his crazy physique. he has protruding veins all over his body, and his cock is no exception. it would start around his pubic bone to the base of his dick, leading towards the shaft and ending closely to his tip. definitely multiple on him too. he's a bit more pale, around #f7edd2.

his balls are fucking heavy, something that's just a given with a cock as big as his. you would be able to feel them slapping against your skin in positions where he's fucking himself into you, as opposed to something like cowgirl. they also hang decently low too.

he can cum large amounts after not having sex in a while, but it probably turns into an average amount if he's having sex regularly. the color is also a more soft pigment but not too translucent.

i would say he would be on the more shaven side, but after playing batman: arkham knight multiple times, there's a conversation available between some thugs that mention this batman is more hairer than clean shaven. he's not the most tidy, probably not the hairiest either, but it's definitely there.

COMIC BATMAN

he's a fucking slut, period. not the biggest, but he knows damn well how to use it, kind of average around 6.5 inches. the tip of it isn't super round, not really pointy either, just sort of in between. he also has a pretty average girth, probably also cut. he would have smaller veins poking out of the shaft, none super long or thick, but they're definitely noticeable. depending on which comic he could either be super pale or sort of tan, but i'd say he's around #fce3d2. his tip is sort of a darker, mute kind of pink.

his balls aren't too big, definitely not small either, they don't hang super low or high. he has the picture perfect image of a nice, pretty cock. as a man-whore, i don't think he would be really sensitive either, but when he's about to orgasm, his dick definitely spasms a lot, the tip of it would become an angry red, and his balls would tighten up like he doesn't fuck a lot, but he definitely does.

he wouldn't cum a crazy lot either, his balls are happily emptied by himself or whoever's hole he's fucking for the week, maybe cums the least out of all the versions of batman, but still a good healthy amount. the color is more pigmented, barely opaque unless it's getting spread around.

since he has sex pretty often, for himself and the sake of his partner, he would keep himself shaven smooth, might even go so far as waxing himself. if he is hairy, it's because he's been working a lot and just doesn't have the time to clean himself up.

JUSTICE LEAGUE

he doesn't give me vibes that he's fucking a lot, but he definitely gives me big pp energy. he's uncut, 7 inches max, kind of curved to the right because of masturbating a lot. despite him having a great physique, i don't think his cock would be really veiny, and if there is, it's probably more around his pubic bone than on his shaft. he'd be more tan in color, around #ba9277. his tip is darker too, maybe a very light maroonish color.

his balls are decently heavy, they don't get emptied too often so they can get pretty big sometimes. for some reason, i also feel like they would have a sort of light hyperpigmentation. they hang on the lower side, but they're just as pretty as any version of batman ♡.

he can cum large amounts, he doesn't really care where either, as long as he can release after being pent up for a decent amount of time. it's also pretty pigmented in color, but due to how much he cums, it can get sort of translucent.

i imagine him more on the hairer side, he works a lot as both personas, and just doesn't really get around to it. if he was expecting to have sex soon, then he would take the time to shave himself up a bit. maybe not completely, but just enough so it isn't as bushy. but if he fucks someone and it's completely spontaneous and unplanned, his hair would definitely be pretty coarse.

a/n: omfg i struggled so bad to post this. i had to rewrite like three times just because it didn't save, on top of accidentally posting it while it was unfinished. i hate it here 🫠. but anyways, i was thinking about this and need all of these versions of batman to run a train on me ♡.