#sam & cas + a little alike so they fight

[shallowseeker]

My favorite new thing is that even when Cas was having a psychological breakdown, he still found a way to rag on Sam about his annoying personality.

[castiwls]

Hey there! 😀 Can I request two sets of headcanons about being Sam and Dean's twin sister?

"i was with you before we were even born"

Being the boy's twin

Dean

He’s older by like 5 minutes (he never lets you forget it)

You were both really close even as babies. I imagine there was a phase where if your parents separated you both for too long you would cry.

You both get closer after the fire. For the first few months, you would always curl up in the same bed together out of fear of the other one disappearing.

As a teen, you started to question your dad more and more about hunting. You're not as complacent as Dean is to John and his rules. This led to many arguments. 

“Why can’t you just do as he says?” “Because Dad’s word isn't god Dean!”

He’d be just as protective over you as he is of Sam.

When Sam left for Stanford you and Dean started to take cases on your own.

You would try and sabotage any hookups he found in bars. You really hated having to go for ‘walks’ during said hookups. He got you back for it. 

You both look very alike. 

When it was just you and Dean hunting there were multiple times where people would mistake you for a couple of cases.

After your dad died you and Dean didn’t talk for a while. You both argued over why John did what he did and it led to one of your worst fights.

Bobby had to kick sense into you both.

You and Dean don’t fight often but when you do it's bad. When you were younger one time it got so bad that it took Sam yelling and walking out for you both to stop.

When Castiel came around you were unsure but after he saved you on a hunt you began to trust him.

Knowing Dean wasn’t ok after Hell and begging him to talk.

“Dean I know you're not ok.” You frowned and reached out to his arm. “You can talk to me, no one's gonna judge you.”

He did eventually tell you he remembered hell. He begged you not to tell Sam though. (You did tell Sam though)

Finding out about the whole vessel thing and freaking out.

“What do you mean vessels? Why is Heaven and Hell’s fight our issue?”

Since you and Dean were twins you both were classed as Micheal vessels.

You were adamant that Dean wasn’t doing it and he was the same about you.

This again led to another argument.

In the end, there was no way you were letting Sam walk into that fight alone so you ended up saying yes also.

Dean was pissed.

Dean begging for months after that Cas or someone would pull you both out of the cage. (Little did he know someone had)

You randomly appeared on Lisa’s doorstep 6 months later and Dean completely freaked.

After that, he barely let you out of his sight.

You didn’t tell him about Sam also being out (You knew something was wrong with your younger brother and you didn’t wanna worry Dean.)

Eventually reuniting with Sam and feeling so guilty when you found out he had no soul.

Dean insisted that it wasn’t your fault.

He helped you with nightmares from the cage. You found yourself sleeping in the same bed as him again.

Sam

You were older by like 10 minutes. You always teased him about it.

He got you back by teasing you over being short.

Neither of you have any memories of life before the fire so as children you used to both make up stories to help comfort each other.

These stories helped you both pretend that you at least knew your mom and what normal life was like.

You both kinda depended on each other growing up.

While you didn’t verbalise it like Sam, you also didn’t like hunting or the constant moving around.

You were a bit more of a social butterfly than your twin but you still struggled with having to make new friends constantly. 

Like your brother, you were also quite smart and did well in school.

For a while, you wanted to be a doctor but knew realistically you had no chance.

As you got older you began to grow a slight resentment towards your dad for forcing you all into this life. One day after a bad hunt you snapped and told your dad how you felt. New’s flash it went really bad.

Your eyes widened as you realised what you had just said. Dean slowly pushed his arm in front of you urging you to move back as your Dad turned to face you. “What did you just say.” Your dad’s voice was hard as he took a step forward. You felt Sam pull you back further as Dean tried to defuse the situation.

After that things were awkward for a while. You went to go stay with Bobby much to Sam’s disdain.

You came back a year later when you were 17.

Things were ok until Sam left for Stanford. You were happy for him but also jealous that he was getting out and you weren't.

During that time you and Dean became close.

Reconnecting with Sam after your dad went missing and helping him when Jess died.

Feeling guilty when your dad died that you spent so much time resenting him (He apologised just before Azael came)

Unlike your brother, Azael didn’t do anything to you so you never had any issues with demon blood.

Convincing Sam that he wasn’t a monster. 

When he died the first time you were inconsolable for days. 

You and Dean arguing over Deans's deal.

Hating Ruby and knowing she was up to something. Her also causing you and Sam to fall out over his powers.

You and Dean both knew that while Sam was trying to do a good thing she was not.

Helping him with his guilt over Litlth and Lucifer.

Him and you making up after Rubys' death. This actually made you and Sam closer than ever.

Again having to convince him that he is not a bad person when the whole Lucifer and Micheal thing comes to light.

You’re the middleman in the situation. You spent most of your time trying to convince both your brothers not to say yes.

Convincing Dean but not managing to convince your twin.

Before saying yes Sam said that he wanted you to get out and have a normal life.

You were pretty heartbroken but after hanging around Dean and Lisa for a few months you ended up meeting someone  (Lisa set you up but you don’t know that)

You both moved in together and you found yourself actually enjoying this normal life.

Then Sam appeared and you had to choose. Dean told you to stay but you knew you couldn’t leave Sam.

When you found out about Sam having no soul you felt so guilty.

“How didn't I realise sooner?” You sat down on the bed placing your head in your hands. Dean gently rubbed your back with a small sigh. “None of us knew. It’s not your fault.

You ended up kinda living two lives for the next year until Sam got his soul back and you realised living two lives was too dangerous. You broke up with him but you both ended up getting back together a few years later.

Sam was happy that you'd found someone and pushed for you to stay with him. But you knew your place was always gonna be with your brothers.

[deancasbigbang]

Title: The Things We Leave behind

Author: Briston

Artist: Merv (fruitmixtape)

Rating: Mature

Pairings: Dean/Cas

Length: 52000

Warnings: minor character death, discussion of historical child abuse, substance use disorder.

Tags: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Divorce Arc, Bad Parent John Winchester, Alcohol Abuse, Rehab, Discussion of Cheating, Alcoholic Dean Winchester, Recovering Alcoholic Dean Winchester

Posting Date: October 31, 2023

Summary: Cas has been getting progressively worried about Dean’s drinking for a while but mentioning it only causes tension in their marriage. The sudden death of Dean’s father brings everything to the breaking point. After a particularly bad fight, his husband seeks solace in whiskey and flirty women in the aftermath. When Cas finds out, he decides he’s had his fill, packs his bags, and leaves. Sam lives in California and has built a career as a well respected addictions counselor. When Cas calls to tell him that Dean is missing on a bender and their marriage is likely over, he drops everything to come to Kansas to find his brother. Dean clearly needs help. Sam convinces him to go with him to California and go through a rehab program. Dean only agrees because Cas refuses to have anything to do with him unless he stops drinking permanently. If he can't, their marriage is finished. Along the way, Sam and Dean discover that their father left them with more than just painful memories of a traumatic childhood. Their half-brother Adam might be exactly who they need to help pull all the fractured pieces together. Cas is giving Dean one last chance to turn things around. Nothing is easy, but maybe it’s still worth fighting for.

Excerpt: “You know the only difference that would have made was that you would be as miserable as he was.” Cas grabbed both of their toothbrushes and toothpaste from the ensuite bathroom, tossing Dean’s his way. “I could’ve tried harder to get him to quit, go to rehab or something.” The toiletries went in the bag with some deodorant, a flannel, and some denim. He shot Cas a dirty look when he heard him huff in exasperation. “How many times did you ask him to quit? Remember when Sam flew in for an intervention? He’s a professional addictions counselor and the only thing that happened was that Sam flew home with a black eye and a refusal to ever come back.” “That’s just because they’re too much alike and can’t stop themselves from fighting.” Dean was starting to raise his voice. Cas wasn’t having any of it. “No,” he knew he sounded snarky as shit but was so very tired of having the same argument about John Winchester’s parenting skills. “It’s because your father is a narcissistic asshole with undiagnosed mental health issues that he self-medicates with whiskey.” Dean walked around the bed to where Cas was and grabbed his arm. The grip wasn’t rough but it wasn’t gentle either. His green eyes were anguished and pleading.   “Don’t say that, he could be dying right now.” Somewhere deep down Cas knew he should be feeling guilty about just how little empathy he had for John right then. He’d feel more compassion for a complete stranger than he did for the man who had hurt Dean again and again, both as a child and as an adult. He felt a small flash of resentment at having to defend Dean from his own negative thinking. “It was always going to be this way with him, Dean. Every counselor you’ve ever had has told you the same thing for years. You are not responsible for fixing him. Don’t kill yourself trying to be accepted by someone who doesn’t even deserve you.”

DCBB 2023 Posting Schedule

[dious-chaos]

I've been deeply delving into Supernatural at the moment and I just put something together that I felt should be out in the interwebs.

Dean Winchester and his layers

Obviously we have the stuff everyone already knows right? He likes pie, he has anger issues, he feels overprotective of Sam. But Dean is actually incredibly intelligent yet downplays it for Sam (nothing against Sam cuz I love that man too) and everyone else, some examples of that: He made his own emf reader out of a cassette player and electromagnet from a microwave, he hacked/disarmed a museums security alarm, referenced Vonnegut; Homer; Lord of the Flies and Tolkien, watched and loved Star Trek, he plays dress up/cosplays/larps, etc. Dean was also the one who cared about holidays, trying so hard to give them to little Sammy, and being hurt when adult Sam wanted none of it. Dean had to take on the role of mom and dad for Sam his entire life, even going hungry so his little boy didn’t. He's an amazing cook, has crazy good mechanical skills, loves anything to do with music- karaoke, guitars on his wall, cassette to Cas- and Dean even had a career picked out which had nothing to do with hunting… he wanted to be a firefighter. Dean even took a teaching role as PE teacher in one episode when he could've picked anything else, that just builds a better image of the caring man Dean raised himself to be. Not to mention the fact that when Sam was in the cage with Lucifer Dean GOT OUT!! He wanted that apple pie life, the life he pushed Sam into his whole life because he knew only one of them would get that chance… and of course he'd want it to be his brother/son.

He grew up to hide his wants and dreams in order to please the man who only wanted a soldier, Dean even went so far as seeing his own life as less than Sam and pushing to die instead of the brother he took care of alone. Dean gained food insecurity, he never knew when he would get to eat and we see this throughout the show as he shoves any free food into his mouth like he'll never eat again. He also showed signs of CPTSD, a mental health condition that can develop if you experience chronic (long-term) trauma.

It involves stress responses, such as: Anxiety (maybe like how got scared and he immediately apologized after not shooting John, and then knew it wasn’t his father because the demon wasn’t upset), Having flashbacks or nightmares (post hell is the first thing that comes to mind), Avoiding situations (trying to keep the peace between Sam and John), places and other things related to the traumatic event (avoiding Lawrence KS for decades), Heightened emotional responses, such as impulsivity or aggressiveness (he gets really upset in difficult conversations first and then the other emotions come later), Persistent difficulties in sustaining relationships (come on, Dean is a ladies man).

Examples of chronic trauma include: Long-term child physical or sexual abuse (tell me that John didn’t physically abuse or "discipline" his boys), Long-term domestic violence (again.. Physical abuse by John), Being a victim of human or sex trafficking (not canon… but it could have happened in all the years his father neglected them and fucked off to fight the monsters while his own kids struggled to get by), War (hunter and monsters are at war), Frequent community violence (hunters and monsters alike can be POS). While CPTSD is often associated with chronic trauma in childhood, adults who experience chronic trauma can also develop the condition (which means it only gets worse for Dean as he gets older and doesn't get help for it).

So yeah. Dean deserved better than a piece of rebar at the ass end of Supernatural, that’s all..

[professionalfangirlingblogger]

Let’s Roleplay Boyfriends

Summary:  Dean is helplessly in love with his best friend, who is in a relationship with someone else. When Cas gets dumped, he wants to make Balthazar jealous, so he asks Dean to roleplay as his boyfriend at the next Supernatural LARP-ing event. Dean is helpless and can't refuse. Dean's sure this week will break him.

---

Dean was able to keep this a secret for so long from anyone close to him, able to go once a year for a week on a ‘business trip’. And yet the boy with the messy black hair and vibrant blue eyes fell into his life as his prince, and now Dean’s fucked. He first became friends with this boy during the LARP for this book series called Supernatural that Dean is obsessed with. And not just because he resonates with the brotherly bond or anything or hopes for an angel of his own that loves him like the angel loves one of the brothers in the series that Dean most resonates with. Anyways, he played a hunter every time because it’s freaking badass . During this particular roleplay week, Dean was being rescued from hell due to an angel pulling him out of perdition. And this angel was H.O.T. Dean can admit it, he had a little crush and his skin burned where the angel held his bare arm as he pulled him out of the pit of foam they used to represent hell.

They became best friends, constantly texting, calling, skyping, anything. And they continued their roleplay as the best friend hunter and angel duo fighting demons and angels as they went, usually having to find different places in the woods to camp out in between fights because they couldn’t be caught. Cas had only died once in the roleplay and Dean died once, the other insisting on being killed as well to go out with the best friend to lounge together in a motel for the rest of the week they were meant to be gone. Dean didn’t mind, especially as his stupid crush turned into more and he finally admitted that he was in love with this angel, this real life angel that was kind, generous, funny, and so, so ignorant to pop culture, much like the angel in the book. And he is in love with his best friend. His best friend who is not single.

He had come out to Sammy as a result of this realization of being bi. Sam took it in stride, trying to set Dean up with guys and girls alike until Dean broke and told Sam everything. Not about LARP-ing, mind you, but about loving his best friend that he meets every year on these supposed business trips. Dean knows that Sam is a bit suspicious of these trips, but he still has no evidence, so Dean keeps up the ruse. Sam kept trying to push Dean to ask Cas out, but Dean wimped out every time and now he has no chance because Cas keeps raving about this boyfriend and how in love he is and even takes pictures to send to Dean of them sleeping or of them doing anything together (not sex, thank god).

Every picture hurts Dean to the very core because he wants to be the one cuddling Cas, he wants to be the one kissing Cas, he wants to be the one taking Cas on these trips. But he’s a coward, and now he’s paying the price.

But a few weeks before their next LARP, Dean gets a call from Castiel while he is moping about his loss and fretting about acting weird around Cas and whatnot.

“Heya, Cas,” Dean says cheerfully, putting on the front he always has to nowadays after looking at the pictures Cas has sent for the hundredth time.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas rasps. Dean instantly knows that something is wrong.

“Cas? What’s going on, buddy?”

“Balth...he, uh, he broke up with me,” Cas says seemingly calm, but Dean knows better. He knows that when Cas removes all the emotion in his voice that he’s hurting too bad to let anyone else know that he has emotions to be hurt.

“Cas,” Dean sighs, not knowing what to say. “What do you need? Anything, anything at all and I’ll do it, promise, bud.”

“I don’t know. I do not wish to talk about it, but I feel the need to take...revenge? He said I, uh, am too boring and nerdy for him, never wanting to go out to bars or these...sex clubs that he wants to go to. Am I boring, Dean?”

“Hell, no, Cas. Not you. I wouldn’t try to talk to you every second I can if I thought you were boring. Hell, I think you’re one of the most interesting people I know. I like that you’re nerdy, and he should have never tried to pressure you into that crap. If it’s not for you, then it’s not for you and any good boyfriend would have respected that boundary.”

“...Thank you, Dean.”

“‘Course.”

There’s a slight pause and Dean lets Cas take the next step in what he wants to talk about. Dean’s never been good at this stuff anyways, so he lets Cas say what he needs instead of trying to guess.

“Be my boyfriend,” Cas suddenly says. Dean’s brain stops working because what. the. fuck.

Continue on AO3

[dadstielweek]

this month! from June 14th to June 20th, we’d love for you to help us celebrate this father/son duo. here are the prompts:

Day 1 -> favorite scene / angelic

favorite scene is self explanatory- show us your favorite moment! angelic can refer to their grace, their wings, or even their disposition. it’s totally up to you.

Day 2 -> colors / i’m sorry

colors can include everything from colorful art/edits to a favorite color headcanon. i’m sorry is a little tougher, but it can be a canonical apology, an au, an original scene- you name it.

Day 3 -> like father, like son / dad jokes

is it the head tilt? the similarities in their first day on earth? tell us all about what makes these two alike for like father, like son. dad jokes means what it says, and is a great opportunity for some fluff and/or humor.

Day 4 -> words / misunderstanding

song lyrics? poetry? quotes? words is for all of those and more. misunderstanding refers to the moments of difficulty like arguments or miscommunications. cas and jack have a lot of depth in their relationship that allows for difficulty- explore that.

Day 5 -> character traits / i’ll keep you safe

character traits can be any characteristics they embody. similar or contrasting, good or bad- dealer’s choice. i’ll keep you safe is for moments where they’re protective of each other, or even fighting together for their family.

Day 6 -> family / missing scene

family- is it cas and jack on their own? with kelly? with sam and dean? show us your favorite family moments, or make original ones! missing scene is what it says on the tin. it can be anything, whether it canonically happened offscreen or if you just wish we’d gotten to see it.

Day 7 -> free space / father’s day

you are all so talented, so use the free space to show us something totally original! and, day 7 falls on father’s day, so we’d love to see creations for that theme!

———

though we originally posted the prompts as separate for visual creations and fics, feel free to combine or mix and match any of the prompts you’d like! they’re meant to be open to interpretation, and we’re excited to see your creativity shine :)

please note that you’re more than welcome to include ships in the background, as long as the focus is on cas and jack’s familial relationship.

tag all creations with #dadstielweek or mention us @dadstielweek so we can find your content to reblog!

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

so get this. I was gonna roll around in Tombstone related fluff today - but no, no - this post came across my dash so Now We Are Gonna Discuss the Carnal Consumption of Meat as it appears on That Show Supernatural.  YEAH BUDDIES!

(also my sincere apologies to OP of the inspiration post who innocently tagged it with “lunch date!”  because I am about to go Elsewhere, cursedly).

Let’s all go meat man, after the cut!

This analysis centers primarily on 5x14 Bloody Valentine.  The title of course is a semi-homage to a 3D Slasher Film Jensen starred in circa 2009. 

Which I will be renting soon I guess.  ,[<- parasocial panda GET BACK IN YOUR ENCLOSURE]

Also Its Really Fun that the trailer for Said Cinema ends with “nothing says date movie like a 3-D ride to hell” [are you also thinking of Cas pulling Dean out of hell, or are you normal?]  ***unironically the teaser for 5x14 is -

EXT. SIDEWALK - IN FRONT OF ALICE'S APARTMENT BUILDING

RUSSEL 

First date.

They then eat each other.  Literally they eat each others flesh.  They also do it while dirty talking about it.  SPN IS A SHOW 

ALICE Ugh! I've been so alone. So empty...

RUSSEL I know. Me too.

ALICE I want you, Russel---All of you... inside me...

[they both take bites out of each other, Alice chewing on a piece of Russel's flesh]

****Remember this detail, as it is important.

ANYWAY, it’s truly Cursed that not only are we doing an homage to this 3-D Jensen Horror Date Flick but also this episode is specifically centered on Valentine’s Day.  The day honoring romance and love Now Coopted by Hallmark, everyone, that is the day spn writers chose to introduce us to 

Sir Horseman of THE Biblical Apocalypse Famine. 

Canonically, we are aware that the show is drawing from the book of Revelations in its depiction of the Four Horsemen.  Here’s what it says about Famine -

"When He broke the third seal, I heard the third living creature saying, "Come." I looked, and behold, a black horse; and he who sat on it had a pair of scales in his hand.”

-Revelations 6:5

Famine holds scales (used to weigh out grain in times of food scarcity).  Spn’s depiction is represented as hunger, a bottomless pit of need.  It consumes souls (demon and human alike).  

Cas describes Famine a little more poetically:

CASTIEL 

"And then will come Famine riding on a black steed. He will ride into the land of plenty... "

"... and great will be the Horseman's hunger, for he is hunger. "

"His hunger will seep out and poison the air. "

***Consider a prior season in which we are introduced to the Seven Deadly Sins.  Which are the sins associated with hunger?

Gluttony

and Lust.

***this is also important

Back to the episode.  Case cold open, and we find out that Alice was a Nice Girl.  In that she didnt drink, smoke or

have premarital sex.

***So Alice’s hunger for the sin of Lust caused her to succumb to it; and her demise was presented as Gluttony (literally eating her partner’s flesh). HMM

Famine’s presence is affecting the town, and Cas is not immune.

DEAN 

And when did you start eating?

CASTIEL 

Exactly. My hunger-- it's a clue, actually.

***They lay it out a little more in case you missed it ->

SAM 

I thought famine meant starvation, like as in, you know, food.

CASTIEL 

Yes. Absolutely. But not just food. I mean, everyone seems to be starving for something--Sex, attention, drugs, love...

***this is so important.  but of course because its spn and our textual narrators are generally unreliable (even in a Ben Edlund episode, yes I know)

we get a red herring

CASTIEL 

Right. The cherub made them crave love, and then Famine came, and made them rabid for it.

***but that’s not accurate.  they didn’t get married or become obsessed with each other (remember the cursed coin in 4x08 Wishful Thinking and the unconditional love wish? not what happened here). they had premarital sex.  they did the thing Alice considers wrong, and dark, and sinful.  and then they ate each others’ flesh.

DEAN 

Okay, but what about you? I mean, since when do angels secretly hunger for White Castle?

CASTIEL 

It's my vessel-- Jimmy. His, uh, appetite for red meat has been touched by Famine's effect

***mad lad Jimmy Novak’s hunger is for...red meat?  He is starving for red meat?  You are telling me that the Novaks, red blooded conservative religious midwestern Novaks, ate RED MEAT SO SPARINGLY that Jimmy Novak was LITERALLY starving for it?!?!  No way.  Absolutely no way.  This is a man who was such a religious zealot he STUCK HIS HAND IN BOILING WATER and accepted an angel of the lord into his own body but his secret hunger was for fucking ground beef?

give me a damn break.

to me this is an absolute coverup.  Because Cas’s burger consumption is not related one iota to his vessel Jimmy Novak.

it is a representation of Cas falling.  Cas’s cravings for meat represent his growing (and very much prohibited) feelings for...humanity (Dean Winchester), and they are presenting as Gluttony in the form of his downing more and more copious amounts of red meat.  

SERIOUSLY, consider this - at one point the depiction is so desperately carnal that he is eating raw ground beef with his bare hands. It is fucking uncomfortable.  and it is SUPPOSED to be.  Famine stirs up hunger for the prohibited.  For the sinful. That which we are starving for but do not believe we can ever have, so we lust and we lust and we LUST after it, but should we allow ourselves even just a taste of what we have been ravenously craving, we binge it until we ourselves disappear into the oblivion of our own sinful, dark desires.

Since You Want More Examples of why this cant possibly be hunger for Cheeseburgers and Cheeseburgers alone, Consider Famine’s effect on Dean.  Remember his doctor kink?

**when its revealed that Doctor Corman has succumbed to Famine’s poison by drinking himself to death, Dean - very uncharacteristically by the way - reacts by saying out loud

DEAN Thanks. Crap! I really kind of liked this guy.

***please note that Doctor Corman says the following to Dean in the prior scene they have together -

DR. CORMAN [to Dean]

Agent Marley, you just can't stay away.

****was that a flirtation?

***Also, Dean doesn’t want to go out and chase tail for Valentines Day.   

SAM

I mean, what do you always call it-- Uh, unattached drifter Christmas?

DEAN 

Oh, yeah. Well... be that as it may...I don't know. Guess I'm not feeling it this year.

SAM 

So you're not into bars full of lonely women?

DEAN 

Nah, I guess not. [takes a sip of his beer] Ahh. What?

SAM 

That's when a dog doesn't eat-- That's when you know something's really wrong.

***oh look we are relating things to eating again.  sex/lust to gluttony.  hmmm hmmm hmmm

ANYHOW -  *takes deep breath*

 this is also the Episode Where This Scene Lives

****JACKTING JOICES

oh and speaking of jacting joices, this is also the Dean Notices Cupids Crotch Episode.

frAckles, I am once again asking why you only permit celestial beings to hug you from behi-[gunshots]

but Dean isn’t hungry.  Why? Famine has the explanation, and we get it after Dean immediately runs inside after Cas heads in to complete his portion of their plan barely giving him any time to do so because he misses him that much.

FAMINE 

I disagree. [Famine moves closer to Dean and touches him] Yes. I see. That's one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex.

DEAN 

Oh, you're so full of crap.

FAMINE 

Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me! 

***not Dean making all of those homophobic/homoerotic jokes every time he’s in danger or feeing uncomfortable; not that, that can’t possibly be what Famine is referencing, right?

I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated. 

***not THIS parallel:

AMARA:

You're a mystery. I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel, except… It's cloaked in shame

You can't win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just... keep going through the motions. 

***not the motions of performative heterosexuality!!

***Dean’s not hungry because in his heart he truly believes that he can’t actually have what he hungers for.  That Thing Which This Episode Overtly but Also Very Clearly Made Obvious.  It’s an angel riding shotgun [I did Do That and I am Not Sorry], eating a burger in the front seat of the impala.  But, I’ve deviated from the meat of this essay [gunshots] [this time just for the bad joke].

BONUS

there’s Exists another episode in which a man ravenously consumes red meat; eventually succumbing to eating raw beef with his bare hands in the season prior to this one.  

Yes Supernatural the Show That Brought Us Not One But Two Scenes of Persons Carnally Consuming Red Meat With Their Bare Hands.  

This episode is a MOTW - the man in question is a rougaru - a monster that starts out as human but due to some specific genetic disorder (hmmm hmmm hmm crack in THE chassis hmmm hmmm) soon begins to be extremely hungry - “for everything, but eventually long pig.” AKA human flesh. 

Wanna know the kicker?  

Episode’s called Metamorphosis.

(GIF by jackttwist)

I’ll see myself out.

[DOUBLE BONUS for extra credit:

if you really wanna wild out, go watch the scene of Jack the rougaru looking at himself in the mirror in 4x04 - and then meander on over to 7x01 and check out God!stiel looking in the mirror as the leviathans writhe inside him over there. It’s worth the walk.]

***oh and @lilac-void​ im tagging you in this one because in exchange for your KIND creator content nomination I guess I will respond by cursing you with an Honorary tag in this, a Meat Meta.  you’re welcome slash I'm sorry XO [but seriously thank you again for your kindness and appreciation; it really motivated me to sit down and get moving on making more content <3]

[winchesterfanatic1967]

Seizures

Pairings: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 947 

Warnings: None 

Request for Anonmyous- Hi! Could you write something about the reader getting a seizure when you are in the bunker? It turns out to be nothing too serious but still Dean (her boyfriend) wants to take all possible procautions to make sure he is there when it happens again 🙂

You and the Winchester brothers decided to take a little bit of time off from hunting. You’ve been at it non stop since the darkness and the British Men of Letters. It put all of you under a lot of stress, and you didn’t need to be stressed out.

You were an epileptic. You have been since you were a kid. You had fallen and hit your head at the playground and not too much longer after that is when you had your first seizure. The doctors put you on medication but there was no cure. 

Stress was the most common factor for your seizures. Every time you were under any kind of stress you would have an episode. Lately when you’ve had them you have been alone. Dean, your boyfriend wasn’t even aware that you had it. 

It’s not like it was a secret or anything, you just didn’t find it important enough to tell. You’ve been dealing with it since you were a kid and you were on medicine. It wasn’t life or death and you could control it.

You and Dean have been together for quite some time now. You were a solo hunter until you bumped into the Winchesters and they happened to be working the same case as you. You decided to team up together and you were such a good team they invited you to stay.

You and Sam had similar qualities which makes the two of you good friends. You both loved research, and keeping your bodies fit and healthy. But you connected with Dean on an emotional level. You are alike in most ways. You don’t like to talk about your feelings, and you keep everything buried until one day you just self implode. 

Since you both didn’t like to share and care, you decided to only do it with each other since you understood what the other was saying in so little words. It turned into a passionate kiss, and then some. You admitted your feelings for one another, and became a couple.

It definitely wasn’t easy. You wanted to strangle him most of the time. He knew how to drive you crazy and push your buttons. But you knew him like the back of your hand and knew how to drive him crazy as well. Despite everything, you were in love with each other and you were each other's person. 

One night while washing dishes after dinner, you felt the familiar signs of a seizure coming. You cursed under your breath. Not here, not now, not in front of the boys. You knew they would make a big deal and try to call Cas or bring you to a hospital. 

There was no stopping it. You were fighting consciousness, and then you were just staring into space.

“Sweetheart? You okay?” Dean asked you from the table but you didn’t answer him. All of a sudden, you collapsed to the ground and began to seize. Both of the brothers jumped up from their chairs, and ran over to you. 

“Y/N! Oh my god are you alright!? Talk to me!” Dean shouted but you couldn’t speak. He hoisted you up in his arms to carry you to the car, but after another minute your body began to slow down. 

“I’m okay.” You say after calming down. 

“Like hell you are!”

“De, I promise I’m ok. That wasn’t the first time that’s happened.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I have epilepsy. It’s a condition where I have seizures. When I was a kid I fell and hit my head at the playground and ever since I’ve gotten seizures. I’m on medication for it and most of the time I can control it. I’ll be okay.”

“Yeah there’s no cure, but it can be controlled.” Sam reassured Dean before leaving the two of you alone for some privacy.

“Sweetheart, why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I’m sorry, it was never a secret I guess it just never came up.”

“Does it happen often?”

“Only when I’m really stressed out. Other than that I live normally.”

“Yeah, I guess our lives are stressful. Between Amarra and The dick men of letters it hasn’t been exactly easy lately.”

“Yeah I know. But i’ll be ok.”

“Well you definitely scared me sweetheart. I didn’t like seeing you like that. I felt so helpless like there was nothing I could do. We have to keep you out of really stressful situations. I know that isn’t exactly easy with our lives. But we have to at least try. I also need to always be with you. What if you’re alone when that happens again and it gets worse or something?”

“It’s going to happen again De. Sometimes it just happens.”

“I know.” He says softly. “But whenever we go on hunts and for some reason you don’t want to be on this one or you want a break please just come with us. You can stay in the motel or something. I don’t want you to be home by yourself anymore.”

“I don’t need a babysitter Dean. I've lived through this my entire life.”

“I’m not saying you need one. I just want to be here for you.” 

“I know you’re trying to protect me and I love you for that. But I'm on medication, and it controls it most of the time. It doesn’t happen every day. I think for right now my main focus is to be in as little stressful situations as possible. Can we make an agreement on that?”

“Yeah. We can do that.” 

“I love you Dean. I really do.”

“I love you too sweetheart. You’ll never understand how much.”

[hellhoundsprey]

No. 5 - I’VE GOT RED IN MY LEDGER

betrayal | misunderstanding | broken nose

a/b/o dynamics, omega!dean, beta!cas, doctor!cas, alpha!sam, always female sam, jealousy, violence, claiming bites, mentioned mpreg, implied past rape

~

~

Sam doesn’t try to evade the punch. No: she welcomes it.

The sound is as nauseating as it is satisfying. It’s Dean who ends up yelping. Castiel winces from a not-so-safe distance.

“You happy?! Huh?!” Dean cradles his hand. Sam remains apathetic until the blood shoots up her sinuses. She chokes, covers her mouth. Leans away to spit, and her nose looks broken, and Castiel tells them so, and Dean says, gravelly: “Good.”

Castiel tends to both siblings. The misery in Sam’s scent doesn’t quite outpower her general satisfaction over what she’s done. Castiel clenches his teeth and finishes patching her up. Clean break. Her face swells rapidly.

“You know I had to do it,” the Alpha repeats, her huge hand careful on Castiel’s healthy arm—he flinches, regardless. Sam blinks. A little girl in there, somewhere. From ages ago. Tender, if she chooses to be. “They would have sniffed it out. I had to.”

Just because Sam is right doesn’t make it right.

Dean continues to withdraw. Barely responds, refuses to drink. It’s ninety degrees in the car and Castiel has to climb into the back with the Omega to hook him up with another IV. Sam keeps facing the steering wheel, but her eyes do flicker to the rearview an awful lot.

If Dean’s body could, it would wind out and away from every touch. Castiel can’t omit much from his already-careful ministrations. There is only so much space he can give Dean, now. Even if they do make it to their destination tonight, forcing Dean push through will be a gamble with his life.

They make it. Castiel grabs his bags and gives the Jeep a last, grateful pat on the overheated hood before they leave it behind. The stolen plates they don’t bother to take with them.

The border patrol gives them an understandably curious look. Castiel smacks their passports down onto the narrow surface in front of their window.

“We got mugged. Please proceed. He needs medical attention.”

The patrol’s eyes switch back and forth between the papers and Sam and Dean. The weak whistle whenever Dean manages a breath, the steel of Sam’s eyes, her posture. Dean’s limp arm over her shoulders, her hold—on him. Carrying, like Castiel had done, back at the house. Ages ago, it feels like, instead of the actual twenty-something hours. Castiel nods at Sam, and Sam doesn’t nod back, but they get their passports and they continue, and nobody stops them.

Castiel’s contacts arranged everything as discussed. Sam is visibly taken aback, but she doesn’t address Castiel until after they put Dean to bed, until after Castiel set him up as best he could to ensure Dean makes it through the night. When he turns to stand, Sam is already there, waiting. In the door frame, her arms crossed. She took her jacket off, finally. They lock eyes, and Castiel can tell the Alpha isn’t out for a fight, not now, and he can only hope it’ll stay that way. At least until Dean is conscious again. Or, better yet: stable.

“Sorry about your arm,” she says, in the kitchen, trailing him. Water. Food. They should eat. Castiel searches the cabinets for something quick and substantial. “I’m real sorry, man. I’ve never… I had no idea I could get like that. Seriously.”

Castiel turns to face Sam. She cringes, seems to hold onto her arms more than keeping them crossed. Her left eye is swollen so bad she must barely be able to see out of it. Part of Castiel delights for the sight.

It’s dark, blue. Deep night, faint music from a tourist dive bar across the street. Terracotta tiles. Like a vacation home, because it is. Was. Is, sometimes, when it’s not used for situations like—theirs. Now.

“What you did was incredibly stupid. You almost killed him. I fear less about my arm than about the risk you obviously pose to your own brother, Sam.”

Sam winces. She seems smaller, now, with all her fuses blown, with her brother marked and barely-alive in a bed behind an ajar door but at least he’s safe, at least they—made it this far. Castiel caves, frowns; puts down the cans of food. They should sleep. They should all just—sleep.

“What—were you thinking? I had it all set up, we were gonna give him suppressors, pheromones, it wasn’t—Christ, you’re his sister, not his—”

“I had to.” Castiel stares, but Sam just keeps shaking her head, staring back. “I had to, doc, I… When I saw him, caught his scent again, I knew I—I’m not taking any more chances. I’m just not.”

Castiel sighs. He frowns down at the cans, gestures. Sleep. Eat. You don’t have to think. In fact, you can’t, so what’s the point? “Would you help me with this, please?” he asks, and the Alpha’s rigid stare dips a little softer with it. She steps in as Castiel steps back to lean against the kitchen counter, to drag his healthy hand down his face. Sleep. Just this, then you can sleep. “I can’t exactly—do it with one hand. … Thank you.”

The sleep Castiel finds that night is shallow, but it suffices in making him clear enough to look after Dean like Dean needs. Castiel moves quietly on habit. Sam snores through her broken nose on the floor next to the bed on the side where Castiel is not working. She took off her boots at some point, her jeans. Dragged a sheet and a pillow from a linen closet, because Castiel on the couch surely didn’t notice. Castiel counts Dean’s heartbeats. He exchanges the IV bag and the bedpan. When he returns with the washed-out latter, Sam is awake, sitting on the bed. Holding Dean’s hand, the bruised one. Castiel narrows his eyes and proceeds with his care. Sam doesn’t try to interfere.

“Move, please,” Castiel says. Sam just looks at him. Castiel points at the bandages Sam’s thumbs are skirting around oh-so-carefully. “I need to change the dressing. Yours, too, while I’m at it.”

Sam suffers, but she only moans about it a tiny bit, fully aware that this is of her own making. Broken noses are nasty, though. Castiel hands her something for the headache. She swallows it dry without hesitation.

“You are very much alike, I will give you that.”

“Yeah. I mean, he raised me, basically.” Sam nods, still drowsy with sleep. If Castiel asked, she might fix them a round of coffee. “After Mom died, and then after Dad disappeared…it was just us. We only had each other.”

“‘Disappeared’?”

“Loan sharks.”

Castiel deflates, nods. He sits back down with Sam, runs his hand back over his head, his messy, grimy hair. He looks back at Dean. Sam does, too.

“When Michael came and found us, when he saw—Dean, it was a done deal. Was supposed to be about paying back, he said, at first, but Dean never came back, so I figured.” In Castiel’s peripheral, Sam nods. Slow, deep in thought. In memories. Dean’s face is perfectly motionless in his sleep. A false peacefulness, but a peacefulness at last. “I searched, but I never came up with anything. Nothing. Not one hint where they were. So, eventually, I thought: okay, I’ll go into law, I’ll find sources and contacts, and I’ll… And now, he’s just—here.” She blinks, fascinated. She again holds Dean’s hand in hers. “It’s crazy. I never thought I’d…”

She doesn’t continue. She doesn’t have to.

~

Everything takes Dean time. More time than he’d like. Sam has to actively hold him down when Castiel breaks it to him that no, he can’t stand up yet. Dean likes that even less.

“Are you kidding?! Why did you get me out of that damn hole if I can’t even use my own fucking LEGS now?!”

Castiel warns, “You will fall and you will hurt yourself,” and Dean proves his point once they leave him to calm down. He growls, snarls. Feral, a fox with a beartrap on its leg, and as useless as Castiel’s, “Dean, please be logical about this,” is, Sam’s open-handed slap to Dean’s cheek is effective.

Castiel flinches; gawps. Stares at Sam, who is calm, pinched; and Dean is shocked too but he stops arguing, at last. Lets them haul him back into bed, still obviously angry and denying any further conversation or contact, but there is no other accident when Castiel and Sam leave once more. The lack of remorse in Sam’s scent sours Castiel. He’s never—siblings, for Christ’s sake. Orphans, left to their own devices, but—this is mayhem. As if Dean hadn’t gotten his fill with Michael already.

In the kitchen, subdued but pressing: “You will stop disciplining him in that way. I will not allow it.”

“Or what?”

“Or I—Jesus, girl, he was locked in a cell, for years, by a pathological sadist! What else do you have to know in order to NOT press every single one of his trauma response buttons?! Jesus Christ—” Castiel paces to the kitchen counter. He doesn’t put much care into being tender with the coffee machine. “Jesus, Mary and Joseph, you Winchester lot sure goddamn know how to be fucking sensible.”

[dothwrites]

spn15 spec, destiel, post 15.18, mcd?? sort of???

---

And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend.--Antoine de-Saint Exupery, The Little Prince

---

Castiel opens his eyes in nothingness. 

It’s not dark, though the air which presses around him is thick onyx. There is neither gravity nor weightlessness here. Castiel exists but he does so in a void so barren that he doubts his own mind. He opens his mouth to call out, but no sound escapes. 

Castiel exists in ignorance for one, glorious moment. Then the weight of memory crushes into him. His chest buckles underneath the pressure. He tries to scream, but the vast emptiness swallows the sound. 

---

“Cas, we can fight this!” 

Dean, his Righteous Man, Dean, the shining beacon, his friend...The first real friend he’d ever made. Dean is ready to fight. Dean would fight God, has indeed fought God. But he can’t fight this. 

The door shudders in its frame. Blow after blow rains down on the weakening wood. Already, the wood is splintering under the assault. The thin strip of light at the bottom of the door disappears underneath a sea of writhing black. The Empty is here. It wants what it was promised.  

“Dean,” he says. He intends to say much more--It’s too late, let me go, thank you--but his voice cracks on the single syllable of Dean’s name. 

He wants to stay. God help him, but he wants to stay. 

“No, dammit Cas! You don’t get to give up! We can fight this thing, we can keep running, we can...” Dean’s voice trails off into nothing as he looks wildly around the small room. 

Though he might protest, Castiel knows that Dean is a man bailing out a sinking ship. In his heart, Dean knows the battle is already lost. But he’s still defiant, still clinging to the faintest shred of hope.

Castiel loves him for that. 

“You fought for the whole world.” Castiel’s voice is weak and pale against the ear-shattering thunder of the Empty’s attempts to break into the room. 

“Cas, no--” 

“But you can’t fight for me.” 

The words shatter something vital in him. Castiel gasps as the agony shreds through him. He thought there would be more time. He thought that happiness was an ideal that no one could ever reach. He thought there would be time, he doesn’t want to go, he wants to stay--

“Cas, I can’t...Not again, I can’t lose you again, please don’t go--” 

Black seeps into the room, slender tendrils snaking across the room towards where they stand. Castiel feels every second ticking away. He’s lived for millennia, seen worlds and empires rise and fall, felt the passing of centuries like nothing more than a passing breeze. Millions of years, and now, when it means everything, he has no time. 

Castiel cups Dean’s cheek with one shaking hand. If this is it, then he doesn’t want to leave with any regrets. “Dean,” he croaks. That word has become his compass, his prayer, the star to which he hitched his wagon. 

“I’m so sorry. I don’t want to leave you. If I had a choice, i would stay. I would stay with you through every sunrise and sunset, through every moment, the mundane and extraordinary alike.” Castiel’s voice catches in his throat as the door finally shatters and darkness pours into the room. 

“You’ve taught me everything, Dean, and I...I’m so grateful that I got to know you. Without you...” 

Castiel can’t continue. He’s immeasurably grateful for all he’s experienced with Dean, but he’s always been greedy. He wants more. He wants to see Dean’s hair continue to silver until it’s soft and grey. He wants to go fishing with Dean and discover the peace inherent in the activity. He wants to watch Jack grow into his own and Sam start a family. He wants, with a fierceness that takes his breath away. 

Darkness curls around his ankle and winds its way up his calf. 

Dean shakes his head. Tears well in his eyes but refuse to spill over, though his lower lip shakes. “Please,” he asks, tilting his head into Castiel’s palm. “I can’t...how am I supposed to do this without you?” 

Castiel starts to respond, but his voice is cut off by the swift, hard press of Dean’s lips into his. His heart jolts and gutters in his chest before it picks up again, beating so hard he thinks it might escape through the confines of his ribs. 

“I love you.” 

The words tumble out of Castiel’s mouth, the same as they did years ago when he was rotting from in the inside out. The same frantic need consumes him now as it did then, when every beat of his heart dragged him closer to the edge of oblivion, when seconds were more precious than gold, when he was so close to losing everything--

Dean sobs. He clutches the lapels of Castiel’s coat and kisses him, teeth bruising behind his lips.

Castiel’s whole lower body is engulfed in darkness so complete that it feels as though it’s ceased to exist. His whimper is lost in Dean’s mouth. 

“No,” Dean gasps, pulling away. Castiel already knows the cause of Dean’s denial. He can feel it, creeping up his chest and shoulders, slithering down to his arms. He remembers how it was to be devoured, remembers the noxious black ooze of the Leviathan crawling through him, but this is worse, is so much worse, because now he knows what Dean’s lips taste like, now he knows everything he has to lose--

“Cas, I love you,” Dean tells him, though his words echo strangely. The Empty crawls up his throat. Castiel chokes on it, but he doesn’t dare to blink. He can’t lose a second of this, of Dean’s face, horrified and tear-stricken though it is. 

Seconds tick away like centuries, Dean’s face in front of him. Castiel can’t hear what he’s saying, but he can see the words shaped on his lips. 

I’ll find you, I promise, I’m coming for you, Cas, Cas, I love--

And then. 

Empty. 

---

With the image of Dean’s face in his mind, Castiel screams. 

There is no sound in the Empty, but he screams anyway. His agony and loss pour out of him, his grief and fear. Everything that he’s lost, Dean--

Castiel screams until his voice cracks and breaks, until his throat is shredded and raw, until he tastes blood in the back of his throat. 

Hollow, he slumps to the side, curling into himself. His one consolation was that he would at least be asleep for the rest of eternity. He wouldn’t have to live with the weight of everything he’d lost. Now, even that slender comfort has been ripped from him. For the rest of time, he’ll have to exist with the memory of Dean’s glassy eyes, with the sound of Dean’s choked voice echoing through his skull, with the phantom ache of Dean’s lips against his. Castiel shudders, sobs ripping out of his throat. 

“Jesus. So much for helping.” 

Castiel blinks. The sound of another voice is foreign in this void where nothing should exist. He rolls over, looking up at the sardonic face staring down at him. 

“Ruby,” he rasps, then remembers himself. 

That’s not Ruby. 

“Go away,” he mutters. He wraps his arms around his legs, pressing his forehead to his knees. There’s no point in having pride here, not when time is meaningless and every second is a torture. The Empty already knows his secrets, though why it chose Ruby’s form to torment him is a mystery. 

“Look feathers, you were the one who screwed the pooch on this whole ‘fixing eternity’ thing. So I think I’m going to stick around for a bit.” 

“There’s no point,” Castiel says miserably. “You got what you wanted. I’m here. I’m suffering. What more could you possibly want from me?”

“Were you dropped on your halo? I told you what I wanted the last time you were here. I want out, you moron. I told you to find a way out, and you wound up here, which is kind of the opposite of what I asked.” 

Castiel blinks slowly, lifting his forehead from his knees. “Ruby?” he asks. 

Ruby rolls her eyes and sighs for dramatic effect. “Yeah, dumbo. You know, I’ve only been trying to tell you that since the beginning.” 

“I can’t trust that.” Castiel remembers all too well the last time he was here, the jolt of pleasure at seeing Meg once more only to realize that the Empty was aping her appearance to hurt him. “The Empty, it takes on your visage, your memories--”

“Yeah, you’re just going to have to trust me on this.” Ruby’s eyes flash black. “You know, as much as you can.” 

“I’d pay attention to her, Clarence. If you don’t, then she’ll probably kick your ass.” 

Castiel knows that voice. He whirls around. Meg’s face greets him, a tiny smirk twisting her lips upward. “Meg,” he whispers, an odd combination of grief and happiness twisting in his chest. 

“The one and only,” she assures him. 

A small shred of doubt clings at the back of Castiel’s mind, but he has to trust in something right now. Even if it’s two dead demons. 

“Castiel. So lovely to see you again. Though I can’t say that I agree with the company you’re keeping these days.” 

Make that three dead demons. 

“Crowley,” Castiel breathes. 

The demon looks exactly the same as he did  the day he died. His suit is pristine, down to the pocket square. He looks at Meg and Ruby with disdain before he turns that expression on Castiel. “I suppose you’re doing your biannual visit to this dump? Feel like taking any passengers out with you when you make your escape this time?” 

“I’m not...I made a deal,” Castiel whispers. He made a deal to save his son and he’ll never regret that, not for a second, but then he thinks of Dean’s face. “I’m not leaving.” 

“Oh, I wouldn’t be so negative, Cassie. You do have a way of wriggling out of the tightest of places.” 

Mingled guilt and joy sear through Castiel as he turns around. Balthazar’s familiar face looks at him. Balthazar raises an eyebrow. “No hug?” he asks. 

“I don’t understand,” Castiel breathes. Surrounded by ghosts from his past, he feels weak. “None of you should be awake. That’s the whole point of this place. All of us, asleep, forever.” 

“That’s the way it should be, but you have a habit of wrecking the natural order.” Castiel winces at Anna’s cool voice. Though there’s no real judgement in her voice, there’s also no real warmth. “It’s been changing here, ever since your last visit.” 

“I woke it up.” 

“And because you woke it up, we all started to awake as well.” Hannah’s calm voice joins their small group, though it’s growing steadily larger. “All of us, demons and angels, started awaking. At first, it was just for moments, but lately, it’s been distracted. More of us have been able to stay awake for longer. Eventually we started finding each other.” 

“That’s my boy,” Meg says, unmistakable fondness in her voice. “Shaking up the natural order, wrecking the whole of the afterlife.” 

Castiel’s eyes dart between all of them, former enemies, allies, and friends. “Is this all of you?” 

“Were you not listening? Did they not just tell you that we’ve all been waking up, at least a little bit?” 

Gabriel pops into existence next to Castiel. Despite himself, Castiel jerks back in surprise. 

“So, what’s it going to be, Cas? Are you going to just pop out of here like always?” Crowley brings Castiel’s brain back to the present. 

When he made his deal, he made it with full awareness that there was no coming back. He accepted that burden because he knew it was the only way he could save Jack. 

But that was before he felt Dean’s lips against his, before he heard the words fall from Dean’s mouth. I love you. 

When he made the deal, he had never heard those words directed at him. When he made the deal, he had nothing to fight for. 

Now he does.

He made a choice long ago. You don’t have to be ruled by Fate. You can choose freedom. 

Castiel looks at all of them, demons and angels alike, and makes a choice. 

“We’ve got work to do.” 

[shirtlesssammy]

6x21: Let It Bleed

Then:

Dean and Cas broke up

Now:

March 15, 1937

Providence, Rhode Island

It was a dark and stormy night, and HP Lovecraft sits at his typewriter clicking away. He finishes his manuscript, and his door slowly creaks open. He pulls out a revolver and heads to the hallway, but quickly backs back into the room and locks the door. A window blasts open and a shadowy figure is there. He pleads with it --but becomes blood cannon fodder anyway. 

Dean continues to dissect what could have gone differently to prevent his breakup with Cas. Sam tries being the logical friend --but there’s no explaining heartbreak, folks. Bobby comes in to tell them that when Cas popped in for his late night tet-a-tet with Dean, he stole a journal. But don’t worry, Bobby had a copy. 

Upon reading it, Bobby discovers a mention of HP Lovecraft. Dean doesn’t know who that is --and you’re going to tell me the dude that knows horror movies like the back of his hand and reads Stephen King doesn’t know who the father of horror is? And I know that Dean lies to cover up things he thinks other people would look down on him for, but this would be a weird moment to do that. 

Anyway, Bobby thinks Lovecraft knew something about purgatory. 

Meanwhile, Ben is chilling in his room reading Cthulhu graphic novels while his mom is watching the sportsball with her new beau. Demons bust in and gut the boyfriend right away. One takes after Ben. Ben gets to his room and calls Dean in a panic. He doesn’t know what’s out there and he can’t get to the shotgun in Lisa’s closet. Dean tells him to jump out his window. It’s too late --Crowley’s there and has both Ben and Lisa. 

Crowley tells Dean that no harm will come to them if he backs off from the purgatory plan. 

Sam throws some salt on Dean’s wound and asks if Cas knows about this. “We gotta assume that he does.” OUCH.

While Bobby heads off to follow the Lovecraft lead, Dean and Sam set to finding Lisa and Ben. They summon Balthazar and tell him that Crowley is alive. He blinks and tells them Cas already informed him. They then tell him about splitting the souls in purgatory plan. Balthazar knew that too, ahem. He refuses to help find Ben and Lisa. 

Sam thinks they should call Cas. “WE’RE NOT CALLING CAS.” This is a man in pain, Sam, he needs time. 

Bobby, meanwhile, interviews someone who possesses a large collection of Lovecraft’s private letters. He asks about March 10, 1937 specifically, and the dude wonders if he’s working with the other guy --”trench coat, looks like Colombo, talks like Rainman.” We’re supposed to assume he’s describing Cas, but ?? okay. They’re competitors actually.

The guy tells Bobby that Lovecraft had a dinner party with other blackmagic followers. They were getting together to perform a ritual to open a door into another dimension. He has --or had-- letters describing the dinner. Bobby leaves, knowing exactly how the letters disappeared. 

Bobby discusses the case with Sam, revealing that one guest of the party -the maid’s son- didn’t die and has been in a mental ward since that night. He’s gong to interview the man now. 

Dean, meanwhile, is lining the demons up and taking them down if they don’t answer his questions. 

For Murderous Rampage Science:

Sam tries to get his brother to take a break, but Dean is 100% on an emotional bender and will not stop. Sam then heads outside to pray to Cas --pleading with him to bring Ben and Lisa home. 

When Cas doesn’t appear, Sam walks away, dejected. Only Cas is there, invisible to Sam. AND I WANT TO TEAR OUT MY EYES. 

Cas confronts Crowley. Crowley was “merely exploiting the obvious loophole.” Cas demands he tell him where they are. 

Crowley tells Cas the only way to save Lisa and Ben is for him to find Purgatory. 

For Literal Science:

Cas flaps away when Balthazar summons him. They meet in a wooded area, and Balthazar confronts Cas about his partnership with Crowley. 

Balthazar confirms that Cas would be the vessel to take on the souls from purgatory. He could explode from all that energy. Cas assures him he won’t (weeps). Cas demands Balthazar tell him if he’s with Cas, and Balthazar laughs but agrees. 

Bobby interviews the maid’s son, and discovers Cas was already there. Bobby asks for the story. The man tells what was said at the time, but then asks, “Do you believe in monsters?” He tells Bobby that the door did open that night, and whatever came through took over his mother. Then the others died. Bobby gives his condolences to the man, and he shows Bobby a picture of his mother. Bobby recognizes her.

Dean prepares his Tortures for Demons™ when his foot drags part of the devil’s trap away. The demon immediately gets the drop on Dean, only for Cas to flap in (or turn visible) just in time to save Dean’s bacon. 

Dean’s...ungrateful. Surly, even! Cas apologizes about Lisa and Ben, and he’s hurt when Dean doesn’t believe that he had nothing to do with their abduction. 

“Dean, I do everything that you ask,” Cas pleads. “I always come when you call and I am your friend - still. Despite your lack of faith in me, and now your threats.” Cas is just asking for backup this ONE TIME. (And you know what? Knowing the crap these Winchester boys have pulled, I always felt like Cas made a good point here.) They lob soulful looks at each other. Cas promises to rescue Lisa and Ben if Dean will just PLEASE stand down and let him absorb every single monster soul EVER it’s NOT A BIG DEAL. This is entirely the wrong tactic, and Dean tells Cas to go back to Crowley and he’ll save Lisa and Ben on his own. 

Cas flaps away. Soulfully. 

Bobby arrives at Eleanor-the-Dragon’s door. She’s at a little cabin in the middle of nowhere - one of her safe houses. He confronts her with the old photo and demands to know her agenda. “You know, we’re not all alike,” she retorts. She reacts similarly poorly to Bobby complaining about sleeping with her without knowing she was a monster. BOBBY! WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT RIGHT NOW. She tells him that the world’s lucky that she’s who popped through the portal. The professor is on Team Earth. Bobby begs to know the secret of the portal so that he can protect her from Cas. 

Balthazar flaps in on Sam. He’s joining Team Winchester because he’s terribly concerned about Cas’s life choices. He flies them close to Crowley’s angel-warded lockup, and Dean and Sam swoop in to save Lisa and Ben. 

They split up inside the warehouse - always a sensible plan. Sadly, Sam “Soft Noggin” Winchester gets knocked out IMMEDIATELY. Sam plz. Dean bursts into Lisa and Ben’s prison like a little angry blur of knives and in short order, he’s killed all the demons standing guard. They start to flee, when Lisa holds Ben at knifepoint, her eyes flashing black. 

The demon goes all in on the mental torture, telling Ben that Dean’s his real father (JK!) and that Dean is Lisa’s WORST EVER MISTAKE. While Dean catalogues the internal damage, he and Lisa fight. He sheathes the demon blade and starts an exorcism, and I look directly at the camera. Demon Lisa’s got another trick up her sleeve. While the exorcism progresses, the demon grabs a tool and jabs it into Lisa’s gut. Then, she gives Dean a choice: exorcise her and Lisa bleeds out or let Lisa remain animate (but a demon puppet). Wrenchingly, Dean finishes the exorcism. 

He makes sure Ben’s armed with a salt-round shotgun and then they head out of the factory. Ben shoots his first demon while Dean shouts at him to “pull it together” and I...just…….

Guys.

I’m just going to box these feelings up and stuff them in my Dean Winchester is a Sad Child attic, while humming Cat’s in the Cradle to myself.

They find Sam and head for a hospital, Dean muttering the whole time that she’s FINE Lisa is JUST FINE she is FINE. Cut to the hospital where Lisa is NOT FINE, but also is not dead! Yet! 

Cas flaps in. 

Dean refuses his apology. REFUSES IT. But Cas didn’t come to apologize. Okay, he DID, but he primarily came to heal Lisa miraculously. Dean looks up at him like he completely forgot that Cas can heal. 

For Healing Cas Science:

In Jensen Ackles your face is a menace news, Dean displays grief, joy, relief, anger, betrayal, sad cat memes, and more in like less than five seconds of screen time. He thanks Cas for healing Lisa. “I wish this changed anything.” Regrets lie thickly between them. Dean asks for one more favor. He wants himself erased from Lisa and Ben’s memories for good. 

When Lisa wakes, Ben explains that they were in a car crash. Dean enters, and introduces himself as the guy who hit them. GAH. The shitty things these characters do!!! Excuse me while I hurl knives at the wall for a solid thirty minutes!

“I lost control for a minute,” Dean says, not AT ALL metaphorically about their time together. “And I just want to say that I’m sorry.” He heads out, leaving the Braedens entirely unprotected from future supernatural threats and missing a substantial chunk of their lives. Hope Cas also cleaned up Matt’s body??? And the busted door??? (Side note: does anyone else have weird squid emotions thinking about Cas willfully blanking their memories when his own memories have been tampered with time and time again? I SURE DON’T!)

Dean meets judgmental Sam back at the Impala. Sam, I see your judgment, and I judge thee valid. Dean talks about his emotions in an open and healt----hahaha nope. Dean tells Sam that if he ever mentions the Braedens to him then he’ll break Sam’s nose. He punctuates that with mournful, red-rimmed eyes which definitely deal at least 1.5X damage against Sam’s puppy eyes. They drive off into the sad music. 

Elsewhere, Eleanor Visyak leaves her cabin, only to encounter Cas behind her. Cas flaps her away. CAAAAAAAAS!

You QUOTE Miette??!!

Your chocolate's been in my peanut butter for far too long

What’s with the slow burn?

You’re just a man. I’m better off protecting myself

I’m officially on your team. You bastards

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[dcforts]

[help]

ao3

the laundry room -

Dean simply cannot sit around all day, not since Michael, not since they’ve turned the bunker into a shelter for hunters from another world, not since his brother is working his ass off day and night. He is not into the whole hunter network thing, but he knows that it’s a good thing, it’s the right thing.

Only, he can’t sit around all day, so he keeps busy, trying at the same time to stay as much as possible away from all the others. He doesn’t need their eyes on him. They are respectful and kind, but Dean knows. Dean knows that deep down they are asking themselves how could he, after seeing what Michael did to their world – how could he, and since he could, what is wrong with him, what is he hiding, can he really be trusted?

Dean doesn’t want to think about that, so he stays away. He puts himself in charge of all the things that need to run smoothly in the background to make sure the hunters don’t need anything. He fixes pipes in some bathrooms, air vents in some bedrooms, opens up some more rooms to accommodate researchers and nappers alike.

He runs into Cas in the hallway one afternoon as he’s going to the laundry room. They almost crash into each other, but they both take a step back just in time. Cas says “Dean” as if he was looking for him, and studies his face for a long moment as if he’s able to check the history of his facial expressions of the last few days, those he wasn’t around to see, as Sam had sent him to meet Claire somewhere to take down a nest of vamps.

“Hey, you’re back. How did it go with Claire?”

Cas’ face immediately softens at her name. “Surprisingly well. As you know she -”

Dean interrupts him and motions to follow him “Talk and walk, there’s something I need to do.”

So Cas trails after him to the laundry room and keeps talking as Dean reaches the first dryer on their left, takes out the fresh load to dump it in a pile over a counter and checks the other cycle that’s still going in the second dryer. He keeps talking as Dean grabs an empty basket form a corner and puts it in front of him on a stool and one after the other, starts neatly folding towels and kitchen rags. Pinch the corners, fold once in a rectangle, turn to the side, fold again in a square, done, into the basket.

Dean likes doing laundry. Not exactly the time he spends collecting dirty clothes from dirty hunters that understandably - after years of living in an apocalypse and in a constant fight and flight mode - didn’t prioritize washing their clothes regularly; and not really the part when he has to grab handfuls of wet, blood smeared, smelly towels to dump them in the washing machine, but he likes this part a lot. When everything comes out new, neat, clean. Whatever goes in, no matter how bad it is, comes out reborn.

And he likes how the smell of the softener fills the room, likes the warmth fabrics under his fingertips and how quiet his head gets as he does the same movements over and over again, once, twice, three times. In there, he can’t get it wrong. He never gets it wrong.

Cas takes in the surroundings, as he does when he enters every place and then he gets closer. He is still talking.

“…I think she’s grown a lot. She misses Jody and Alex, I can tell, but I think she found her balance. I may be worried about her but I’m happy that -”

As soon as he approaches the basket Dean unceremoniously throws a kitchen rag at him. Cas catches it but stops talking and looks at him confused.

Dean shurgs. “You could help.”

Cas is dumbfounded for a moment. He looks down at the striped rag in his hands like he has never held one before.

He seems about to talk then he settles for a: “Um -”

Finally he looks at Dean intently and replicates his moves. Fold, rectangle, side, fold, square, done, basket.

“As I was saying” he starts again, as he dubiously picks up another kitchen rag from the unfolded pile, this one with white daisies embroidered on the hem, “now that Sam is mostly the one who passes hunts onto her, I’m glad that we can direct her towards things that are not as dangerous as they could be. I know that when you were her age you were thrown in all sorts of situations, but you had your father, and then you had Sam. She is alone and -”

He picks it up pretty easily and soon enough a rhythm has settled between them. Their hands don’t reach for the same piece of laundry anymore and Cas interrupts himself and loses his thread of thought more than once as he focuses on his task. Then he moves to fetch another basket, takes the kitchen rags pile away from the bathroom towels and keeps going.

“Have you asked her if she wants to come here? Be part of the Lebanon squad?”

Cas shakes his head, “She values greatly her independence. I suggested the idea of a hunting partner but she is not interested in that either.”

The kitchen rags are all gone and there’s a moment of silence. Castiel rests his hands on the edge of the basket and looks up as Dean folds the last of the bathroom towels. 

“She is still thinking about Kaia” he adds with a tinge of a sadness in his tone.

Dean catches his eyes and nods in understanding. “Yeah, I figured.”

Then the dryer at his right beeps and Dean moves to take out the new load and drop it where the first one just disappeared. Castiel looks at it with a frown like it personally offended him.

This time Dean doesn’t need to say anything before he moves to resume his task. Silence falls upon them. Dean sneaks looks at Castiel as he works. He looks at his hands, strong and efficient but careful, as gentle as they can be as they hold something that is not lethal, pointy or dangerous in any way.  

Dean has to admit that it’s an endearing sight. He looks at his sturdy frame, his messy hair, what he can see of his features from this angle, as he keeps his head low and his actions meticulous. It’s just – nice to share that space with him doing such a mundane task. It’s like seeing him under a different light.

Dean catches himself smiling dumbly right when Sam passes by the door. He instinctively raises a hand towards Dean as a greeting, then does a double take when his eyes register Castiel. He makes a disbelieving face at Dean behind Cas’ back and Dean just shrugs in response. They share a smile as Sam walks away.

Then the second pile is also done and they carry their baskets down the hallway; stop at the linen closet where Dean stuffs in the bathroom towels, and then they go towards the kitchen where Cas dumps the content of the kitchen rags basket.

He turns to face Dean “What else?” he asks matter-of-factly.

Dean huffs a laugh and slaps his back. “We’re done, Cinderella. Good job though. Did you have fun?”

“It wasn’t unpleasant.”

“Yeah? This was the easy stuff. I’ll have you fold sheets and sofa covers, we’ll see what you think then.”

 *

the kitchen -

Dean dumps the groceries on the kitchen table with a sigh right when Castiel pokes his head in.

“Hey, where’s Jack?” asks Dean. “He was supposed to help me with this” he says gesturing towards the overflowing bags.

It took him three hours to get everything from the store. Even when they had enough money, he and Sam never really were the kind of people that bought a lot of food. They had no place to store it first of all, and even when they first got to the bunker, they never knew for how long they would stay away, hunt after hunt.

But time had changed a few things and Jack had changed a lot of other things. Packing long shelf life items, experimenting with flavours to teach him and show him, working through their supply at the speed of light were just a few of these things. They spend a lot more time at home and Dean for the first time in his life is not in a rush anymore when he goes to buy something. He takes his time, does his maths, ponders his choices, has favourite things now – not just chips and beef jerky, but things like favourite kind of pasta sauce - and he likes it.

“Still training with Bobby. Can I help you?” Cas asks taking a step forward.

Dean shrugs “If you want”, he says, but he looks more cheerful as he grabs the yogurt from the top of the closest bag and goes over one of the mini fridges. He looks back. “Pass me the things that go in here first”.

So Castiel goes from bag to bag for items that need to be refrigerated looking like a bee flying from flower to flower.

“This is a lot of food.” He says as he selects and passes on.

“Yeah, well, I wanted to make sure we had enough for a while.” Dean says as they meet in the middle of the room and Castiel hands him a pile of trays of different kinds of meat.

They keep going, settling into their roles. Castiel takes out the items from the bags and arranges them neatly for types on the table and Dean moves through the kitchen to put them back in their designated places.

The kitchen has plenty of storing space. Sam has organized everything in a way that he thinks is the most practical, so now they have things like a spice cupboard and a candy and chocolate drawer. Dean likes that.

Castiel on the other hand has not really familiarized with the space yet. He knows only where the basic stuff is: the coffee, the cups, the glasses, the beers. He knows where they keep their cutlery. So when there’s nothing more to take out of the bags and he tries to be helpful, he ends up opening cupboard after cupboard and then looking at Dean to ask “Where do these go?”

Dean snatches the instant noodles from his hands. “Away from Sam,” he says holding the little plastic cups against his chest like they are puppies. “He won’t ever make me hear the end of it.”

Castiel huffs a laugh. “I have seen nothing then,” he promises as he goes back to the last items on the table.

“Where’s Krunch Cookie Crunch?” he asks then and Dean stops in his track in the middle of the room to turn on his heels and look at him in disbelief.

“Excuse me?”

“The cereals. For Jack” he explains.

Dean feels a smile growing on his lips. “Oh, right.” He shakes his head. “It must be in there somewhere. It was the blue box, right?”

Castiel holds up the only blue box of cereals on the table. It has a cartoon version of a white haired official of some kind on the front. “You mean this? This is Cotton Candy Crunch. It’s different” he says affronted, as seriously as if they were talking about matters of life and death.

Dean cannot believe this is a conversation that he’s actually having with an angel of the lord. He tries very hard not to laugh and not sound like he’s making fun of him when he says “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry, my bad.” It doesn’t really work.

Castiel is still wearing a frown as he turns the box in his hands and looks at the ingredients. “I suppose Jack will like them anyway. There is a dangerous amount of sugar and chemicals in these as well.”

Dean goes over to him and stops right behind his back to look over his shoulder. Maybe he takes a step or two more than it is necessary because when Cas turns his face on the side to catch his eyes he find himself a little too close “Perhaps is best if we hide this from Sam as well,” he suggests conspiratorially and his breath brushes over Dean’s cheek.

Dean laughs then, puts a hand on his shoulder and says “Yeah, good idea.”

Cas looks at him expectantly for a moment, then frowns slightly and drops his gaze and it takes Dean a beat or two to follow it and realize that Cas is holding out the box for him to take. He was too focused on his face to notice it and when Cas says “Dean?” his eyes go to his lips and it makes things even worse.

Dean clears his throat and takes a step back, snatching away the box and turning his back. He hurries to the designated breakfast cupboard to strategically place it on the far back, behind other bottles and boxes.

“Next time you can tag along and show me the right kind” he says to break the silence, throwing a strained smile over his shoulder.

*

the garage - 

It’s the middle of the night.

Sam is yawning in the passenger seat and Castiel, who Dean can see form the rear view mirror, seems lost in thought. They decided to skip the stop to the motel and go back to the bunker right after the hunt and although it’s been a long and mostly quiet journey, Dean doesn’t feel tired. He is still fuelled by the adrenaline that has washed over him when he’s found himself way too close for comfort to a set of werewolf’s teeth. It had taken him all he had to shove the werewolf away enough to swing his machete and cut her head off.

He brings the car to a stop and Sam is the first to get out and go towards the trunk to take out the duffels with their clothes and weapons.

He hands one to Dean as he comes out from his side but Dean doesn’t take it.

“Can you bring it in? I’m gonna stay here and wash the blood off the car.”

Sam blinks a few times as if it’s taking some time for him to register what he’s heard. “What? But it’s late. You just drove seven hours straight. Aren’t you tired?”

Dean shrugs and takes off his jacket to shove that in his arms as well. “It’s not gonna take long. I just want to take the worst out of it.”

Sam shifts his gaze towards the blotches of blood on the windshield and the doors, on the windows and the headlights. They had been surprised by the pack during their stake out when they thought they were well hidden in the woods. That was also the reason why they opted out for an extra night in town. The police would have knocked at their door in the morning for sure if they’d parked that bloodied thing out in the open.

“You go” adds Dean reassuringly, knowing that Sam is probably considering staying behind to help him.

“Alright” Sam concedes “I’m gonna grab a shower and get something to eat. I’ll leave you a sandwich in the kitchen, then I’ll head straight to bed.” He yawns again. “I’m exhausted.”

Before he turns around to go his eyes stop somewhere behind Dean. “Cas?” he asks, and Dean remembers then that Cas is there too, just a few steps behind them.

“I’m staying with Dean.”

Sam nods and disappears through the door, leaving the garage in silence.

Dean gets to work, grabs his usual tools, his bucket, his brush, his towel and the car-wash soap. He turns around and Cas is right behind him.

“What should I do?” he asks.

“What?”

“I wanna help.”

“Oh.” Dean considers for a moment the idea of telling him that he doesn’t need help. This is the thing that comes so easily to him he could do it with his eyes closed. But he doesn’t want to turn Cas away.

There was a moment during the hunt when Cas had reached towards him - as he sometimes does - to step in front of him, to face the danger himself and shield Dean from it, but he was intercepted and thrown against the car and before Dean could do anything, that werewolf had jumped him, almost killing him – so it’s like that moment they had, suspended, never completed, left him with a sense of loss and now he wants Cas close. He wants Cas to always be able to reach him.

So he looks down at the items he is holding and he hands him the bucket that Cas promptly steps forward to take and without another word goes to fill in the sink in the corner. Dean walks around the car trying to decide where it would be best to start.

A little soap in the water, an extra brush for Cas and soon enough they are going after the blood smeared on the roof. 

Dean hovers around Cas to make sure he’s being gentle with that brush and doesn’t forget any spot.

Castiel feels his eyes on him. “I’ve washed a car before, you know.” He says, and there’s a playful tone hidden underneath his low voice.

“Have you? When?”

Castiel shrugs, “Cars were around a long time before you were born, Dean. I was there to see it.”

“Well, I still need to make sure. Cause no car is this car. My car.”

Cas rolls his eyes. The water washes away the pinkish suds and Dean towels her off like he himself is a well-oiled machine, making always the same movements, always in the same shapes, with the same kind of towel in his hand, and underneath it, always the same solid, black and silver surface.

Dean looks up to see Castiel focused on doing the same on the other side. The hems of his sleeves are wet and he can see splashes of suds on his tie and trenchcoat.

The sight makes him smile and as he keeps towelling the hood, he walks around the car to get closer to Cas. When he’s within reach he holds out a hand to grab his tie and tug a little at it, forcing him to stop and turn towards him.

Dean uses his thumb to rub the suds on the blue fabric. “You’re gonna need a wash too.” he says.

Castiel looks down at his clothes. “Oh”.

Dean huffs a laugh and lets go of the tie but his hand refuses to retreat and it goes and pokes at the wet spots on Cas’ white shirt, right above his right pec, and all down to his side.

As he does so he looks up at Cas, who is standing like a pillar of salt now, and if Dean didn’t know that he didn’t need to breathe he would have been worried.

He smiles fondly. “You’re a mess.” he says, and the same bold, brave, uncontrolled hand goes to pinch the wet hem of the trenchcoat collar.

It stays there as Cas says, “You are in no better condition” and reaches up, unsure, to brush his fingers in his hair, right above his ear.

Dean follows his eyes, he feels them travelling down his neck and on the front of his tshirt, soaked and sticky on his chest. Cas doesn’t touch though.

Instead, he steps back and looks away. Dean’s hand has to let go of the hem, and he feels a pang of disappointment that surprises him. He hadn’t even realized that he was expecting something.

“About earlier -” starts Cas and from his tone nothing good is coming “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help you with that werewolf.”

Dean sighs and gets his legs moving, picks up the bucket and goes over to the sink to empty it and wash out the dirt. He says “Cas, come on, it’s nothing.”

Behind him, he hears Cas say “It’s not nothing. I wish I was -” he sighs. “I wish I could do more. I never seem to be able to help you when it matters.”

Dean closes the tap and turns around. “This must be the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.” he says firmly, “You help me all the time.”

Cas smiles ruefully and his tone drips sarcasm when he says “In the laundry room and the kitchen. Does that matter?”

“Yeah,” he says earnestly. “Look, hunting is our job. Sometimes we can control what goes down, sometimes not. It’s not our fault. But then the curtain falls or whatever you wanna call it and - it’s what’s behind that matters.” He gestures towards the car “This -” he says “you chose to spend your time helping me. This – matters to me.”  He takes a breath as if he’s trying to say something that just won’t come out. “Cas y- You’re always talking about -” he struggles. He closes his eyes for a moment and Cas is unsure if he should say something. But then Dean starts again, “You want to give me what I need” he says, and it sounds like a question so Cas nods. Dean drops his head and his voice, “and that’s just us.” he manages to say in the end “It’s all I need.”

As soon as he says it, he turns around again.

He doesn’t even wait for a reply, and Cas is too taken aback to give one anyway, and he adds hastly, a little embarrased: “Now, get over here and help me wring out these towels so I can go to bed before dawn, will you.” 

Cas steps foward then, covering the distance in a few strides and stopping right next to him by the sink. Dean hands him one of the towel, their fingers brushing, their eyes meeting. Dean’s smile is a little strained after his little speech but it’s there, cause this - them, like this, side by side - it feels right. Dean looks back down shaking his head a little, as if he’s regretting something he has done or something he can’t still bring himself to do.

He feels Cas’s gaze studying his profile and tries to relax his face as much as possible. Then he can’t resist and sneaks a look his way that Cas intercepts. They both open their mouths at the same time but nothing comes out.

The case, the hunt, the long drive; the things he can’t say, do, want they all catch up to Dean at once, in that moment. He dumps his towel in the sink and takes a step to the side, crowding Cas’ space. Against him, Cas feels as solid as a statue and Dean wants nothing more than to rest his whole body against his. He feels worn out, he longs for closeness. He searches Cas’ eyes for some kind of warning, a stop sign, an I’m-about-to-flee sign, but there’s none of that. It’s just Cas. Maybe, if he had a breath, Dean thinks he would be holding it, but it’s just Cas.

Part of him knows that there’s something that he should be saying, that one of them should be saying at least, but nothing is said. Maybe it’s their bodies that do the talk for them somehow. Cause one moment Dean wishes very hard to be wrapped in Cas’ arms and the next, there he is. Everything else disappears as he sighs and melts completely in his embrace, his face in the crook of Cas’ neck. He smells like blood and car wash-soap. Cas’ arms hold him as he sinks.

His own hands cling at the back of the trenchcoat, and when he moves his head a little so that his lips brush against Cas’ neck he says “Dean” in a breath. It makes him smile.

It doesn’t feel like an event or anything new, really. It feels like letting go. It feels like there was something that they’ve restrained and held back for a long time and now it’s free. Their bodies can naturally crash into each other, right where they were always supposed to be.

Cas slips his fingers through the hair on the back of his neck and presses his cheek against his.

“What are we doing tomorrow?” he asks after a while. 

“I need you to help me stay on the couch all day, how does that sound?”

“It sounds good,” whispers Cas, his hand in his hair.

Dean keeps his eyes closed.

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Makayla Part Two

Sam Winchester x Reader

Words: 2529

Part One

Summary: With your secret revealed, Sam has no choice but to help you. Dean, still holding a grudge, reluctantly joins. Makayla gets to know her family. 

Notes: I hope you guys are liking this series as much as I loved writing it! Thank you for all of your support already, it really means the world to me. Continue to let me know what you think and enjoy more of Winchester October. 

Special shout out to my amazing beta reader Sarah, @suckmysupernatural​ . I love her so much and honestly, she’s helped me so much in getting these imagines out for you and she has some absolutely killer writing of her own!

Want more Supernatural? Find it HERE

-

Five Years Ago

Sam held you a little closer tonight. Seeing Jessica… it just brought back so many bad memories and took his mind to a darker place. It was the place that gave him nightmares of losing you or his brother. So he held you a little closer. You didn’t mind. It helped you fight your own night demons. 

Of course, you couldn’t sleep anyway. You laid there, gently running your fingers through Sam’s hair and staring up at the ceiling. There was this dread gnawing at your insides. You weren’t her. You would never be her. It wasn’t that she was beautiful. She meant more than that. She was the life Sam always wanted but never got. The life he still dreamt about. The one he hoped for someday. You couldn’t give him that life. You were too far gone. 

“You okay, kid?” Dean was looking over at you from his bed, unable to sleep himself. He had been doing more research on the leviathans. You turned your head, eyes glistening in the dark. 

“That was one sick bastard.” You whispered angrily. Dean sighed. 

“Sometimes that's how they get us. They can make us see things. Stuff we want to forget.”

“But he doesn’t want to forget her.” You looked back up at the ceiling. “Not really. I think her memory gives him hope.”

“Hope for what?” 

“For the life he could have had with her.” You didn’t say anymore, but you didn’t have to. Dean understood you pretty well. You two were a lot alike. That’s why you scared him. 

-

Present Day

“Sam?” Makayla gasped, looking at you with wide eyes. Dean’s eyes kept darting between you and Sam and the little girl. Makayla was beaming. “My dad’s name is Sam!” You inhaled sharply. 

“Kayla, why don’t you go back with Miss Naomi and show her those drawings you made me?” 

“But I want to stay here and meet Sam.” She pouted her lip and gave you those big puppy eyes that her dad was always so good at. You kissed her forehead. 

“You can meet him later, but mom needs to talk to them first, okay?” 

“Okay.” She frowned and scampered off to find Naomi. Without her, the three of you fell silent, everything slowly sinking in. 

“How old is she?” Sam asked quietly. You barely heard him. 

“What?”

“How old is she?” This time he looked at you and his eyes with a mix of sadness and anger and confusion, but most of all, he looked devastated. You had to look away. 

“She’s four. She’ll turn five in March.” 

“Jesus Christ, Y/N…” Dean sighed, running a hand down his face. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sam was trying to keep himself together, but this was too much. First, you come back after five years of leaving him in the dust and then you tell him he has a daughter? 

“I wanted to, Sam. I swear, I was going to.” You cried. “But I never knew if you were alive or dead or in hell! I didn’t know what to do Sam.”

“You find me and tell me I have a child!” He yelled, towering over you. “You had four years, Y/N. There’s no excuse for that.” You wanted to reach to him, but your arms just fell limply to your sides. 

“I’m sorry.” There was nothing else you could say. 

“Sorry?” Dean scoffed. “Sweetheart we are so far past sorry, we’re in a different time zone.” Dean was almost as rattled as Sam. This whole time, you had been hiding a kid. After the way you left… Sam deserved better than this. 

“What do you want me to say, Dean?” You exclaimed. “I have been doing the best I can to raise a little girl, and in our world, that isn’t easy.” Sam stiffened. 

“You’re still hunting?” 

“Don’t start with that, Sam.” You didn’t like his accusing tone. “I tried settling down, okay? For the first year, we lived nice and quiet in New Mexico. Then those vampires came for me and I had to run. So I started hunting again.” It was all you knew. “On big cases I bring her here to stay with Naomi.” 

“I can’t believe you.” Sam laughed bitterly, turning away. Dean crossed his arms over his chest. 

“If you’ve got this all figured out, why come to us now? Why tell us now?” 

“The vampires and I have a history. I thought if I could just keep ahead of them, they would give up.” You explained, Sam refusing to look at you. “But they got too close this time. Kayla almost got hurt and I realized that I had to take the bastards out once and for all.” The brothers didn’t say anything. Dean had his angry stare locked on you while Sam watched the sky.  “I can’t do it alone, Sam. I have to do this. For both of them.” He finally turned back to you. 

“They’re the vampires that killed Makayla… aren’t they?” 

You named your daughter after your best friend. You grew up with Makayla, went to high school together, even roomed together in college. You were practically sisters. One night you came back to your apartment and there they were. Three vampires leaning over her body with her blood dripping from their mouths. It was why you started hunting in the first place. 

You nodded and Sam took a deep breath. He didn’t have a choice now. He had more to lose. 

“Can I…” He started, his voice trailing off as he glanced at the house. “Can I talk to her?” You mustered a small smile. 

“She’d love that.”  You watched as he nervously fixed his jacket and walked inside. 

“Of all of the things you’ve done, this is by far the most messed up.” Dean growled, staring you down. You kept your eyes on Sam, another tear falling.

“I know.” 

Sam slowly opened the door and found the little girl sitting on the floor, the TV going as she drew pictures in a little notebook. Sam sat down across from her, grabbing the remote and turning the volume down. He looked at some of the pictures she had finished. They were mostly stick figures, of course, but all of them were of her and her mother except the one she was working on now. Beside her were two taller figures with big smiles drawn with purple crayon. 

“Hi Makayla.” He greeted softly. It was like he didn’t know how to interact with a child anymore. How could a person whose height barely reached his knee make him so nervous? She looked up from her drawing, her eyes bright and curious. 

“Hi Sam. Are you my dad?” She said it so frankly that it took him off guard. You appeared in the doorway. 

“Makayla.” You scolded. Sam held up a hand to stop you. 

“No, it’s fine.” He took a deep breath and gave Makayla a smile. “Yeah, sweetheart, I’m your…” He looked over at you and you just gave him a reassuring nod. “I’m your dad.” If he hadn’t been paying attention, this four year old would have tackled him to the floor. 

Makayla threw her arms around his neck and Sam had to hold her up so she wouldn’t fall. His arms wrapped around her gently, like he was afraid he’d crush her. The two just sat there for longer than you thought Makayla was capable. She was always running and jumping and fidgeting. But in her dad’s arms, she didn’t squirm. Your heart swelled at the sight. Sam had his eyes closed to try and keep from crying, but a tear still slipped down his cheek. 

“You must be Sam.” Naomi appeared in the doorway, cleaning off a machete. For a moment, you almost forgot who you all were. 

“He’s my dad!” Makayla squealed happily. Sam stood, using one arm to keep her up and holding out his other hand to shake Naomi’s. 

“Sam Winchester.” She shook his hand with a smirk. 

“Oh honey, I know all about you.” Sam’s eyes darted over to you and you could have sworn that he gave you a smug smile. 

“We should probably be going.” You thanked Naomi and grabbed Makayla’s things. She clung to Sam all the way out to the car. You saw something flash in Dean’s eyes, but you weren’t sure what. You threw Kayla’s things in the back. “Wait, I almost forgot.” You ran back to Naomi’s car and grabbed the car seat. Dean cast you an annoyed look. 

“Dean, she’s four.” Sam exclaimed. 

“Okay, okay.” The older Winchester huffed. You could tell he was just being ornery for the sake of it. Sam pried Makayla off of him and buckled her in. You slid in the seat next to her. 

“Alright, I’ve already scouted a motel in Lebanon that isn’t far from you guys.” You started. Sam turned around. 

“What are you talking about? You’re staying with us.” The look on his face didn’t exactly make you want to argue. 

“You don’t have to do that-”

“As much as I dislike you, I’ve got to agree with Sam.” Dean glanced at you in the mirror. “The safest place for that little girl is the bunker.” You knew they were right. You weren’t super excited to explain the situation to their not-dead mother, but as long as Kayla was safe, it didn’t matter. 

“Uncle Dean?” Makayla chimed. Dean’s eyes widened, the title giving him a weird feeling. 

“Uhh, yeah?” 

“Can you play Flatwheat Macaroni?” Both Winchesters looked extremely confused. You sighed. 

“She means Fleetwood Mac.” You could see Dean slightly smile. 

“I like her.”

-

After a very eventful day, Makayla was asleep by the time you got to the bunker. Sam carried her inside and you grabbed your bags. Inside, you could hear Mary talking to someone. You knew that monotone voice anywhere. 

“Cas?” You dropped the bags on the floor and rushed into the library. There stood your favorite trench-coat wearing angel. Mary crossed her arms, still giving you a suspicious glare. You ran to Cas and crashed into him with a hug. 

“Dean said I’m not supposed to like you anymore.” He hesitated to hug you back, but slowly, his arms wrapped around you. Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, announcing that he was going to take a shower. 

“I missed you Castiel.” You beamed. Sam tapped you on the shoulder. 

“I’m going to take her to your room.” He whispered. Mary’s expression softened as she looked at the little girl in her son’s arms. 

“Sam, who is this?” 

“I, um, I’ll explain when I come back.” He said, grabbing your bags with his free hand and finding your room. Cas looked curiously at you and Mary sat down, pointing to the chair across from her. 

“Sit.” She ordered. You obeyed. Honestly, she was more terrifying than the vamps. Mary placed her hands on the table. “Look, I don’t know who you are or what you are doing here, but I know that something happened between you and my boys.” 

“Mary, uh, Mrs. Winchester- ma’am,” You stuttered. “I can explain-”

“I just need to know one thing.” Again, her expression changed to a gentler curiosity. “Do I have a granddaughter?” Cas’ eyes went wide and he stared down at you. 

“Yes.” Sam answered, coming back into the room. “Makayla is my daughter.” 

“How long have you known?” Mary asked. How much had she missed?

“About three hours.” 

“Sam and I were together about five years ago. I…” You closed your eyes, not sure if you could face her for this part, “I left and I found out I was pregnant. I’ve spent the last four years trying to raise her alone.” 

“What do you mean you left?” Mama Bear was starting to resurface and Sam put a hand on her shoulder to settle her down. 

“It’s okay, mom.” But you could tell he was lying. “It was a long time ago.” 

“I need a minute to just… absorb all of this.” Mary sighed and retreated to her room. Cas stood awkwardly beside you, the silence growing more and more uncomfortable by the second. Sam looked at the angel and then pointedly looked at the door. It took a second for Cas to catch on. 

“Oh… I should go and do some… angel things.” You couldn’t help but laugh at his complete inability to be subtle. Damn, you’d missed him. Your amusement instantly dissolved when you looked back at Sam. He didn’t look angry, which was somehow so much worse. 

“I’m sorry it had to be like this.” You would give anything to keep from hurting him. 

“It never had to be like this, Y/N.” He sighed, sitting across the table from you. “I went five years never knowing why you left. And now you turn up and reveal that I have a daughter? Just… tell me why.” You were actually taken aback. Dean never told him. 

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Sam.” 

“Like hell it doesn’t!” He exclaimed. “Y/N, you just vanished. No note. No phone call. Nothing. You were just gone.” 

“I left because I loved you.” You watched his face just contort with more pain and confusion. He pushed away from the table. 

“You know what? I can’t do this right now.” He ran a hand down his face with an exasperated sigh. “I’m going to check in on Kayla and then I’m going to bed.” He was absolutely exhausted, but he knew he would just lay in bed and stare at the wall for a few hours before trying to lose himself in some lore. He left without another word.

Five Years Ago

Sam was in a better mood today. A much better mood. He laced his fingers with his while his other hand rested against your bare thigh. Dean had spent the morning driving around town. He figured the two of you could use some alone time. You were grateful. You wanted Sam to hold you, to kiss you and touch you just one last time. 

You couldn’t stay. You knew eventually, he would see it too. He would figure out that you weren’t what he wanted and you would just end up alone and heartbroken. At least now, it was on your terms. 

“Dean will probably be back soon.” Sam sighed, kissing your cheek. “Him and I are checking up on some intel on a possible case. You want to come?” You stretched, lounging comfortably in his warm embrace. 

“I think I’m going to take the day off.” You would spend it packing, not that you had much to take. You kissed him fervently, wanting to savor the feeling for as long as you could. Sam climbed out of bed and gathered up his clothes. Once he was dressed, he started towards the door. “Hey Sam.” 

“Yeah?” 

“I love you.” You smiled, trying to hide the sadness in your eyes. Sam just beamed. 

“I love you too. I’ll see you soon.” With a giant grin on his face, he left. You were gone before he got back.

-

Continue to Part Three

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination;  @mylovegoesto;

Supernatural: @desimarie12; @deandreamernp; @vicmc624​; @halesandy​ @livshaes​;  @d-whinchestergirl87​

Sam Winchester: @theamuz​ 

Makayla Series: @rhiannon-the-troublemaker​; @hoboal87​

[sinnabonka]

I want to believe with all my heart that we are right and Cas returns to get his Happy End with Dean. I wanted to ask you what you think about that barn scene, I saw a promo pic where you could see Sam and Dean and some I don’t know evil looking figures. Do you know which pic I mean? Now I’m worried that the scene there will just some big fight sequence and that would also be the reason why it takes so long. But please tell me I’m wrong.

Hey! Sorry it took me so long, had a lot of thinking. That’s quite a puzzle.

This is the photo we are talking about, for anyone who doesn’t know:

It’s a barn. Dean and Sam vs. four creepy dudes in the masks. They have something in their hands which looks like it can be used in the fight? Eeeer. For now, you are not wrong.

Also found this one:

Anyway, it just pops up in my head ten times an hour, because I instantly think about all the posts about “the night we met” and the symbolism the barn has for destiel this way.

So let’s have us a little peek (of course I’m using this gif, I miss the angel so much):

4x01 “Lazarus rizing”

Looks nothing alike for me, different construction, white, all the scribbles. I’m literally broken hearted right now, really. I lived with this fantasy for sooo long. I live in a lie.

But, it still rings a bell, right?

Rings so hard, that I rewatch another episode of season 4. For science, right?

4x10, Heaven and Hell

And I’m asking: WHY DOES IT LOOK SO ALIKE?

The place looks pretty similar, the composition as well, so it’s enough to send me screaming and looking for context. The episode is about the angel choosing to be human and having sex in the Impala with Dean falling.

But we put the similarity of the barn (lol like barns are that different) aside, I really have no idea what is going on on the photo.

We know the episode should be “old school” (I’m guessing the last case for brothers), but we also know that it’s Dabb who was handling it, the creator of Empty. So I would say we have an Empty storyline resolution as well. I mean -

Why to put black goo here if we see it like two times? And it’s not the main storyline? And it’s not the ultimate big bad?

I’m not saying anything here, god forbid. Unless..?

[67impalaandwhisky]

Destiny Is Heaven Sent

Summary: Knowing Dean Winchester since you were fifteen, you’ve always been pulled in his direction. Always wanting to open up the rattled and broken cage your heart lives in. But when the child you’ve been raising together dies, you find yourself closing up the cage of your heart again. And if destiny has one thing for you, it’s to break you down before bringing you back up.

Characters: Dean x You, Sam, Castiel, Bobby, OFC’s, OMC’s, (Ongoing)

This Series Is Set Through Seasons 1-6 With Knowledge That The Bunker Exists

Rating: 18+

Warnings (Ongoing and Will Be Updated): Grieving, Mentions of Rape and Defilement (As Per A Case), Show Level Violence, Swearing, Smut, Impreg Kink, Blood, Fighting, Drinking, Dean Being Dean, Fluff, Angst, Dom!Dean, Sub!Reader

Warnings For This Chapter: Sexual Dreams, Mentions of Pregnancy Kink, 

Chapter 4.

"I'll take the couch." You grumble as all of you step into the motel room.

Dean takes off his shirt, his eyelids drooping with sleepy intentions as he throws himself onto his bed.

"Come lay down beside me." He mutters as he lays his head down on the pillow. He pats the spot beside him as he pulls back the covers.

Sam makes it a point to scurry off into the bathroom and you sigh gently.

Laying in bed with Dean last night was kind of amazing. You didn't have a single nightmare, which is rare these days after Marsh's death. And, you didn't wake up a single time during the night. Even when you drink heavily, you still find yourself waking up every so often during the late hours of the evening.

"Fine. Just don't touch me." You reply as you take off your combat boots.

"No promises, Candy girl." He mumbles as he closes his eyes.

Laying down beside you, he cages you against his chest throwing his arm over you as well as his leg. He lets out a tired chuckle but the comfort you feel is too great to tell him to get off. 

In your lifetime with your two best friends by your side, you have gone on countless Djinn hunts together. 

Comes with the territory of monster hunting.

Both you and Dean have been poisoned by a Djinn once or twice and even with the antidote around, those dreams can stick with you until you die.

Waking up from that dream-like state when you were twenty was disorienting and frightening. You didn't know what was real, what was fake. You cried for days on end when your life was dramatically different then what was pictured. 

Now, when you do see those dreams again you adore them. You welcome them in your sleeping trance. Because in that dream, everything is perfect and so real enough that you don't look at the oddities.

Dean's Djinn dream was just as real, just as frightening at first and just as welcome in his sleep quite like yours.

"Marshall Maverick Winchester. Get that gun away from your brother at the dinner table please." You chide your oldest adopted son.

Turning his head toward you, Dean finds himself smiling. Placing a gentle kiss at your temple, he waltzes around you grabbing the dinner you've both prepared in the presence of your two sons. 

"I wanna play!" Dean hears the youngest whine and he glances over at you as you flinch at the sharpness of his voice.

"Johnny Boy. Come on. Mommy doesn't feel good, stop yelling." Dean says as he places his hand on your growing stomach.

"But...But…" John whines as he holds his small hands up.

"No buts." Your husband cuts him off as he puts the burgers down on the table.

With a smile, you turn to your children with pie in hand. You were not as astonished as you should have been that they take after your husband with their favorite dessert choice. 

"Is it lemon blueberry mommy?" John asks as he pulls his plate closer to his four year old body.

"Yes it is." You whisper playfully earning a warm smile from Dean. 

As Dean begins to serve the food, Sam and Cas walk in with black sludge all over them.

"Oh good. Dinner." Sam cheers as he steps closer to the table.

"Nuh-uh. You better go wash up before you sit down at this table." You admonish your best friend as he frowns.

"But I don't eat." Cas counters as he takes off his mucky trenchcoat. 

"Go shower before my pregnant wife smites you." Dean's voice booms through the dining room.

John and Marsh laugh with each other as Cas hangs his head before retreating to his room.

With a groan, you finally sit down at the table. 

"Let me guess, your feet are swollen." Dean guesses as he sits down beside you at the head of the table. 

"Bingo." You mumble as he puts a burger on your plate.

"I'll rub your feet later when we get ready for bed." He whispers in your ear, pulling back he sends you a devastating wink.

The smile you return is equally as heart shaking to him. His breath stutters and his heart rate picks up as he smiles back at you.

"Ma. He's going for pie." Marsh tells you as John leans across the table.

You fold your arms, eyebrow quipped upward as he gives a nervous giggle. 

"Tattletale." He mumbles to his older brother before pulling at the pendant around his neck. 

As John has been getting older, the necklace he's had on since birth has been getting tighter and tighter by the month.

His small hands go to take it off and his father is stopping him within a second.

"Don't you dare take this off, son. We've talked about this." Dean admonishes as John looks down at his plate.

"But it's tight and I feel stuffy." He mumbles as he picks up a french fry.

Marsh takes his larger necklace off before swapping and wrapping John's around his wrist twice before clasping it in place.

"We need to keep these on until we're old enough to get tattoos like mom, dad and Uncle Sammy." Marsh tells his younger brother as he grabs the ketchup.

It was heartwarming to watch, knowing that Marsh was just like Dean with John as he is with Sammy. He would always protect his younger brother no matter what. 

It almost brings a tear to his father's eye as he picks up his bottle of beer.

"Why do you wear it?" Marsh inquires to his brother as he puts ketchup on his burger.

"So demons can't get me." John whispers. 

The youngest only whispers about monsters in the night, as if speaking loudly will summon them to him.

"That's right. But when we're home, you don't have to be scared. Nothing is going to get you." Dean says before sipping his beer.

John nods before looking down at the pendant in his hand as he munches on his french fry.

"Leila in school says she has a crush on me." John says happily, forgetting the whole necklace debacle within seconds.

Dean's eyebrows flick upwards as he leans his elbows on the table.

"Oh yeah? Isn't it a little early to be dating in preschool?" Your husband jeers at your youngest as you giggle.

Your hand lands on your stomach, rubbing comforting circles which catches his attention immediately.

He looks over, a sweet smirk spreading on his face as he rubs your seven months and growing stomach.

"I'm four, dad. Practically grown up." You hum to him before grabbing your iced tea.

"You look just like your father so it's hard not to get all the girls, huh?" You tease as he smiles down to his burger.

John did look like the spitting image of your husband. From freckles to wildy enchanting green eyes, he was so alike.

"Will you tell us how you met again?" Marsh asks as he takes out his phone.

"No phones at dinner." Sam says as he enters the room.

Marsh looks up before rolling his eyes and putting his phone back in the front pocket of his jeans.

"What monster did you kill today?" John asks excitedly as Sam sits down.

Shaking his long hair out of his face, he looks over at both of his parents who refuse to meet his eyes.

"No monster talk at dinner." Sam says and your almost unrecognizable nod lets him know he's right.

John and Marsh frown as Cas comes in to join you all.

"It was a ghoul." Sam whispers as he leans over his plate towards the kids.

You look at Dean, a laugh shared between you both as you both roll your eyes.

Laying down in bed, you let out a gentle sigh as the bed comforts and molds to your body.

"Well now. Look what I have here all to myself. My two favorite girls." Dean says as he closes the bedroom door behind him.

You give a gentle laugh pushing yourself up the pillows as he stalks over.

"Not like you to forget Baby." You say, tilting your head as he pulls his t-shirt off.

"Just don't tell her. She'll get jealous." He teases as he takes off his pants.

Your eyes roam over his body before smiling wider. 

When it comes to your husband, exhaustion was not a word that seemed to fit into your vocabulary. He was like a freshly brewed pot of coffee, deep, rich and awakening. 

"My lips are sealed." You reply as he kneels on the bed. 

With a chuckle, he parts your legs. Running his warm, calloused hands over your bare skin, his lips graze over your bare belly. 

You can feel the stubble on his face, the short hairs tickling you as he gives languid kisses to the distended skin.

"De." You whisper in the dim lighting of the room.

He gives a gentle groan at your voice, hearing how you're becoming aroused and sluggish with lust.

"That's it, sweetheart. Focus on how I'm making you feel. How you want daddy's big cock to split you right open." His breath fans over your stomach as he talks to you, producing goosebumps on your now feverish skin.

"I want you so badly." You whine as he pulls down your bra. Your breasts heaving up at the action.

"God, you're so fucking sexy. So fucking mine." He growls out as he kisses over your chest.

"Pretty tits filling up with milk for my baby. Mine." His lips encircle your hard nipple, tongue flicking over the pointed bud earning a sweet moan from you.

His hand reaches for your clothed pussy, dying to feel how wet you already a-

"Dean." 

"Hey! Dean!" Shooting up in bed, he looks to the owner of the voice as his eyes widen.

"Hey man…" Sam whispers as he stands above his older brother.

"Dammit Sammy. Couldn't you have given me five more minutes? I was experiencing something great." He mumbles as he grabs the cup of coffee from the younger man's hand.

"Busty girl dreams again? You were moaning." Sam says with a laugh as he walks over to the small table.

Dean clicks his teeth as he looks over the room. He notices how the sun is already rising high in the sky before looking down at you. Your hair is splayed over your face as you take deep shallow breaths.

Was there anything more perfect than his dream? Anything more wonderful than that? You, his wife, his life partner. Pregnant and barefoot in his bunker with other little ones running around. Marsh would still be alive.

Running a rough hand over his face, he sips his coffee before sighing.

As you turn onto your back, he takes in your form. 

With your tank top rolled up to your breasts, he sucks in a deep breath before tugging down the shirt. God, you were too skinny now that he's looking at you. Why couldn't you just be pregnant like in his dream? Why did destiny have to fuck him like this?

"God fucking dammit." He mumbles as he wakes up.

"You okay?" Sam asks curiously. 

"Peachy." Dean grunts out as he walks to the bathroom.

The slam of the door makes his younger brother jump and you stir from your sleep at the noise. The thin walls shake and tremor with the force of Dean's action and you sit up with squinted eyes.

"Morning." You whisper as you begin to stretch.

"Mornin'." Sam says as his eyes flicker to the bathroom.

"He okay?" You ask as you pull the covers closer to your body.

Sam gives the typical shrug as he sips his coffee before running his hands through his hair.

"Is Dean ever really okay?" He quips as you lay back down.

Now that is a question for the ages.

The morning had gone off without an ounce of weirdness which was odd to you considering how upset Dean was earlier.

He's so good at shoving things down inside of him until he explodes. It's scary sometimes.

"Come on out, Candy girl." Dean calls through the velvet curtain as you try to pull at any piece of fabric that's on your body. 

You feel absolutely helpless. The tube dress you're wearing is so infinitely small, you're afraid one cough from yourself will send the fabric into a revealing position.

"It barely covers my ass!" You whine as you fix your hair in the mirror.

"You have a nice ass." Dean comments calmly.

There it is again. The short and somehow completely honest answer from your best friend. He doesn't flirt with you like he does with others because maybe he doesn't have to. He's so himself with you.

Tugging the dress up, the bottom reveals your black thong and you groan gently before pulling it back down.

"No laughing!" You cry out before taking a deep breath. 

Just the thought of your older best friend seeing you like this sends your mind reeling. 

Pushing back the velvet curtain, Sam looks up from his phone before snorting and covering his mouth with his hand.

"Yes. Ha. Ha. Very funny." You grumble as you put your hands protectively over your body as if that would help.

Glancing at Dean, he doesn't show an ounce of hilarity in the situation. He swallows thickly as his eyes trail over your body.

"You look like a sausage in a casing." Sam says before throwing his head back and laughing.

You snort before turning around to the mirror again.

The black fabric hugs your body tightly, showing your flat stomach and your ample breasts.

It's uncomfortable to be in but your thighs press together as you watch Dean through the mirror.

Licking his lips slowly, his eyes stare at your ass. Your stomach coils and flips as his evergreen eyes begin to harden over.

"Dean. What do you think?" Sam asks through his laughs.

Dean doesn't dignify him with an answer. Your eyes trail over his body, taking in the flannel beneath his jacket before looking to his pants.

His pants are strained and tented and you avert your eyes quickly in the mirror as you think about yesterday morning.

Is it hot in here?

"Dean?" Sam asks as he calms his laughter.

Pressing your thighs tighter together, the muscles of your ass become taut and flex. The oldest brother does everything in his power to rip his eyes away before turning to Sam.

"You look fine. Buy it and let's go." He mumbles as he sits down.

It's when you bend over to grab your stuff that he lolls his head back.

Do you know how fucking sexy you are? Do you have any idea just how goddamn attractive you can be?

Upon bending over he sees your thong and the outline of your pussy lips. His hand flies over Sam's eyes as you gather your stuff.

"Dude." His younger brother mumbles.

"Close the curtain, you idiot." Dean chides you and you gasp gently realizing what you've done.

Fiercely pulling the curtain closed, you can feel your ears and neck heating up to a healthy shade of red.

"I'm going to wait in the car." Dean calls out before storming off.

Sam tilts his head before rolling his eyes.

"Just fuck already." He mumbles under his breath before pulling his phone back out.

Dean stands beneath the shower head, letting the hot water soothe his taut muscles. His forehead presses to the chilly aqua tiles of the motel bathroom

God, you're probably out there in the room putting on that small dress right now. 

It's astounding how hard he actually has to try to keep his hands off of you. Would you even want him to touch you?

Yesterday morning, he saw you checking him out. Peeking an eye open, he saw how breathless you were as your eyes roamed his body.

It's been drilled in his head ever since he was younger-- his father always wanted you both to be together. It's always been Dean's 'destiny' to have you as his own. And, that's exactly why he can't do it.

He's always listened to John. Always done as told and for once, he didn't want to abide. 

Dean always thought that if he denied himself the pleasure of your company, he could stop a lot of heartache and pain on his end. But, now the heartache is starting to come from having you so far away from him.

He loved you from the minute he saw you. From the minute you met each other in that dingy motel on Christmas Eve. 

He loved you when you were dating Michael Bracken during a random highschool stint in Wisconsin. 

He always loved you. And, he always denied you.

Smacking his forehead into the wall, he sighs gently. 

Maybe destiny is something you just can't run from. God knows that every path him and Sam have ever taken somehow and in some way lead back to the same spot they were standing years ago.

"De?" Your voice breaks him out of his deep thoughts.

"Yeah." He calls back as he shuts off the shower.

"We have to get going soon." You tell him as he grabs his towel.

"Yeah. I'm coming, Princess." The pet name tumbles out of his mouth and he closes his eyes as he wraps the towel around his waist.

You rip the door open and peek your head in before narrowing your eyes at him.

"You know I hate that." You mumble to him as the steam wafts through the open door.

You've hated it since high school. He used to call you Princess when he warded off boys in the cramped hallways. You always found it embarrassing. 

Dean gives you a smile as he steps out of the shower, "Come on. You used to love the way I protected you." 

Rolling your eyes, you stand up straighter as you lean against the door jamb, "No. You used to love the way you protected me. I didn't need protecting." 

He chuckles as he wipes off the bathroom mirror. 

"I'll always protect you, whether you need it or not." He says and you hum in agreement before leaving him alone.

"Always." He mumbles before looking through the mirror as you walk away.

Forever Dean Tags: @akshi8278​

[castielific]

The list

AO3 Link

Tags: Supernatural, Destiel, Alternate Ending, Canon Compliant (up to 15x10), Human!Castiel, First kiss Summary: 

Once there are no more monsters, the only thing left to fight for is happiness.

Here is my take on our boys’ happy ending. I hope you’ll enjoy it. 

**************************

"I hate you", Dean grumbles into his elbows. His arms are on the table, his head buried into it as he squeezes his hands over his ears. 

"I think he’s getting better," Sam lies, hiding his grimace just in time so that Dean doesn’t see it when he raises his head to glare at him. 

Dean opens his mouth, but is cut off by a particularly shrill note that makes him feel like someone is drilling right into his tympans. Even Sam can't help but squeeze his fists in pain, crumbling the edge of the book he's trying to read. 

"'This would be good for you, Castiel'," Dean says, imitating Sam. "What about us, Sam? This doesn't feel good for us!"

"It's not so bad," Sam offers miserably. 

Yes it is. It's even worse than bad. Dean flinches in pain at every horrible noise that resounds all around the bunker as Cas continues to play - or more like, tries to play - what Dean thinks is supposed to be 'Twinkle twinkle little star' on his newly acquired violin. 

Truth is, it is all Sam's fault. Dean can't ressent him that much though, because the look on Castiel's face when they went to the music store was worth the torture they've been enduring for the last two days. 

Since God has been defeated, they've all been having a serious case of cabin fever. Heaven and Hell have closed up their doors, angels and demons alike running home with their tails between their legs. Even the common monsters have gone into hiding. Apparently the Winchesters killing God has impressed them enough that they've all decided that they better keep quiet. Of course, they're still there, but smart enough not to do anything that might attract the wrath of the hunters. Apparently, they are exceptionally good at hiding when they want to because the only case the brothers have had in the last six months had been a rogue vampire that went on a rampage. He was still young and out of control. It took three hours to take him down, the whole deal was done in less than a day, even counting the drive. 

In short, hunting has become boring. All they've had to keep them busy have been some random salt and burn, nothing exciting. The rest of the time, they've stayed cooped up in the Bunker and it didn't take long for them to go crazy. Each in their own personal way. 

For his part, Sam has gone a little too far on his healthy lifestyle penchant, to the point that it became borderline unhealthy: Running up to three hours a day and eating nothing but vegetable smoothies. It lasted two months before he realized that all it was doing was giving him diarrhea and making his shins look like basketball. So now he's taken to digitizing and translating every book in their library….which sounds as exciting as getting all your teeth pulled out, if you were to ask Dean, but at least it passes the time. 

Dean's way of coping was on the polar opposite as his brother's: he decided it was as good a time as any to learn to cook better. Dean has always loved cooking and has been having a blast since they found the bunker. For the first time of his life, he has a home and a kitchen of his own. Until now, between the Amara, the Men of Letters, and all that crap with God, he never had time to really enjoy it, limiting himself to the few recipes he already knew: burgers, steak, and breakfast food. With the hunting gig slowing down though, he had all the time in the world to try his hand at more ambitious things like roast, chili, lasagna and way too many pies. 

His personal wake up call  came when he tried to put on clothes one morning and couldn't find any pants that fitted him anymore.They hadn't had a case for three weeks, and he had to admit that he became a little too familiar with sweatpants. When confronted with the terrible truth of his every single one of his jeans being suddenly too small, he had no other choice: he spent the whole day dismantling the dryer to find out why it was shrinking all his clothes. Sam had a blast mocking him and Castiel, with his usual discretion, was quite pointedly avoiding looking at Dean's stomach during that conversation. Dean spent a long time in front of the mirror after that. He regrettably had to admit that his stomach resembled more Father Christmas's belly than David Beckham's abs at this point. He started to follow Sam's health routine the very next day. Or, tried to, at least. It didn't last long before he couldn't take the smoothie torture anymore, and decided that limiting his pie intake to two per week and doing some exercise should be enough. 

Sam and him actually came to an agreement on food after that, and while Dean would never ever drink a kale smoothie again, it actually wasn't so bad to add a little more salad to his plate. 

All in all, it was a difficult time for everyone, but especially for Castiel. 

Castiel used to be an angel with a Godly purpose, a mission grander than anything people could even imagine. Then suddenly Chuck was gone, and the angels were gone too, and he just became a puny human with no real purpose, a soldier of God with no God to serve and no war to fight. Easy to say that he quickly joined Dean in his sweatpants' aficionados club. Except where Dean was happy to indulge in a laziness that he never really had a chance to try out before, Cas soon fell into depression. Even the best pies Dean made seemed tasteless to him after a time. He was lost in a human routine that he could find no pleasure in. It came to a point where he didn't even sleep in his own bed anymore, never leaving the couch except to satisfy the most basic needs. Sadly, on most days, showers didn't seem to be considered as one of those needs. 

Once they had their breakthrough about their own miserable situations, the Winchesters decided to tackle their new mission: helping Cas. 

It was Sam who proposed that they should all write a list of things they always wanted to do, but never had time for. 

They took a trip to the Grand Canyon on the very next day, dragging a reticent Castiel along. Their road trip lasted nearly a month, because they kept getting distracted by new destinations. Sam wanted to see the Harold Washington Library, Dean wanted to go to Baltimore to go to the Dangerously Delicious Pies shop he heard about while searching for new pies recipes, and so on. 

Castiel never asked to see anything, pretending gloomily that he used to be able to go anywhere in a flap of his wings, and therefore had seen everything he ever wanted too. Dean dragged him to an amusement park anyway, because he was pretty sure the angel had never been on a rollercoaster before. Dean regretted that pretty fast when Cas became strangely fond of them, saying that it reminded him of flying. They took so many rides that Dean threw up and Sam's nose bled for nearly one hour after. 

Still, it seemed like a wake up call for Cas. He spent the rest of the drive home lost in his thoughts or scribbling a list on the back of a gas station's receipt. He even asked them to stop in Utah on the way back to see the largest bee hives in the US. They ended up buying so many types of honey that they now have a cupboard full of it in the kitchen. 

They had been back to the bunker for two days when Cas declared he wanted to learn how to play an instrument. They went to a music store, where Castiel tried on every instrument from a harmonica to a full drum set. After the obligatory harps jokes, Dean tries to entice him to buy a guitar, and learn all the best Zep songs. Cas was too polite and knew better than to criticize Dean's taste in music, so he chose the guitar. Dean wasn't oblivious to the way his friend kept lingering in front of a black violin though, so he relented and bought that instead.

He's sorely regretting it now. 

It's still totally Sam's fault though, he was the one to come up with the idea of this stupid list in the first place. 

**********************

"I've decided what I want," Castiel declares as soon as the movie's credit starts rolling about a month later. 

Sam snorts, waking up from the doze he'd fallen into. He blinks at them, wiping his eyes tiredly. 

"I said no cat, Cas," Dean reminds. Apparently, one of Cas' item on his stupid list is to get a pet.

"I don't want a cat."

"I'm allergic to animal's hair," Dean reminds him, suspicious. Last night Cas declared he wanted a Camel. A freaking camel. 

"Of course, Dean, your health comes first," Cas concedes amicably. "Although, I do wonder if you're not using this as an excuse, and would not have been amenable to adopt a pet anyway, were it not the case."

Dean scratches under his ear. "What? No. Of course, I'd want one. I love animals. Just, no snakes or anything that eats living food. I know you, and you would just end up saving all the mice or something."

"You know, they do make hairless cats and dogs," Sam pipes up, smirking when Dean sends him a side glare. 

"Those are majestic creatures, indeed, Sam, but I much prefer the softness of fur. Don't you Dean?"

"What." What kind of question is that?

"Wouldn't you like it if you could have a pet with a soft fur that didn't make you sneeze and suffer so much?"

"Huh. I guess?"

"Good," Cas concludes with a jut of his chin. "His name is Honey," Cas announces, raising the kilt that was on his lap to reveal a…

"What the hell is that thing?" Dean shouts, jumping to his feet. 

"Honey is a texel guinea pig," Cas says, cuddling the little beast to his chest. The pet starts emitting a little noise in pleasure as Castiel caresses his fur. It has long curly hair. Its head is black with a white spot on the top while the rest of its body is a mismatch of large black, white and orange spots. 

"It looks like a freaking sheep!" Dean exclaims, sending a betrayed look to his brother that is already kneeling next to Cas and petting at the small animal. 

"See, Sam, we do have a guinea pig now," Cas says proudly, making Sam chuckle at what is obviously a private joke between them. 

"We don't have anything! I'm allergic, Cas, remember? My health…," Dean finishes, faking a cough. Sam rolls his eyes while Cas squints at him. 

"I don't think you are, Dean. Honey has been on my lap all night and you haven't shown any signs of allergy. I've looked at you closely to make sure."

"Do you think he likes kale?" Sam asks, taking the little beast on his own lap as he sits on the ground. 

"I think he might, Sam. The internet says guinea pigs need to eat a lot of vegetables. Do you want us to go and try to feed him some?"

"Yes!" Sam declares, squeezing delicately the pet against his chest as he gets up. 

"But-," Dean tries to protest. 

"I bought him a little hammock that he really likes," Cas tells Sam as he gets up too. 

"But I haven't-"

"That's cute! I want to see it!" Sam says eagerly.

"My allergies…," Dean finishes lamely as he watches the two other men leave the room without a look in his direction. He scowls, staring at the beer he's still holding. He sulks for all of thirty seconds before he grumbles. "Dammit, I want to see the tiny hammock too. Guys, wait for me!"

**********************

"Oh, that's...that's a nice...tree."

"It's supposed to be Sam," Cas says with a pout, looking at his very first painting.

"Yeah no, I mean, behind him? The big woody thing?"

"That's you," Castiel pouts, looking dejected. 

Dean grimaces, inclining his head to try, and identify himself in the glob of paint on the canvas. 

"So you're not Van Gogh," Dean finally declares. "Or Mozart. The important thing is that you wanted to give it a try and you did. If you liked doing it, then that's what matters, no matter the end result," Dean tries to reassure, squeezing his friend's shoulder reassuringly. He learned his lesson when his words about Cas' lack of music skill were not so delicate, and the ex-angel ended up giving him the cold shoulder for a whole week. 

When he looks back at him, Cas has a small smile on his lips and a look so full of...of something, that Dean can feel his cheeks warming a little. Seconds pass and Cas keeps staring until Dean clears his throat, forcing himself to look back at the ugly painting.

"What's next on your list?" 

A hand pulling on his arm makes him turn back toward Castiel. Dean barely has time to react before his friend's lips brush with his. It's so fast and soft that he's left blinking in confusion, wondering if that really happened. 

"This was."

Cas is still smiling, even though Dean recognizes the worried line creased between his brows. The hunter opens his mouth, but doesn't know what to say. To say that he wasn't expecting it would be an understatement. To say that he never thought about it, a lie. To say that he regrets it…

"I liked doing it," Cas declares, nodding his head in satisfaction. "Now I want to ride a horse."

"A- a horse?"

"Unless we can still get a camel?" Cas teases, acting hopeful. He sends Dean a wink - a goddamn wink - before he grabs his painting under one arm and leaves the room. 

"Ride a...Wait. Cas! We're not getting a horse either! Cas!!" 

*************************

When Dean finds him, Castiel is sitting on the bench Dean made from the trunk of one of the trees they had to cut down to make this space into their garden. The sun hasn't set yet, but the end of september's evenings are already colder. The last flowers of the season are blooming, and the vegetables they planted in the spring are starting to wilt, only a few tomatoes popping red among the green and yellowing stems. 

Cas is bending forward, forearms resting on his legs. His eyes are closed and for a minute, Dean is worried that something happened, that he's sad or sick. He's reassured when he hears the low murmur of Cas' words, see the slight smile at the corner of his lips, the one Cas always gets when he's trying to be funny. 

His friend hasn't heard him approaching yet, so Dean waits, trying not to eavesdrop on a conversation he's not supposed to be a part of. 

Dean takes the time to check on the apple trees he planted instead. They're too young yet, too small to give any fruit, but by next year, maybe...He can't wait to bake a pie with his own apples. He rolls his eyes at the thought, that's so domestic. Yet here he is, planning on planting strawberries and raspberries, checking on the squash that is starting to grow and wondering if it'll be ready by Thanksgiving. 

Vegetables are Sam's thing. Flowers and the small hive they've built are Cas'. Dean is in charge of the fruits. 

They planted their garden over the underground garage, hidden by such a large ply of trees that there is no risk of anyone stumbling upon it by accident. They had to cut down trees, dig out every root, and plow the whole area to prepare the soil. They've spent nearly all spring and a good part of summer working to create that little bit of garden on the Bunker's roof. They've bought so many gardening tools that they're already making plans to build a shed here in the spring. 

It's nice. The bunker is feeling more and more like a home, like a place Dean could feel himself growing old in, maybe. 

They've talked about buying a house, especially Sam, but somehow they can't see themselves leaving anywhere else than in the bunker. It's their legacy, the place they were always meant to be, and they've come to love it despite all the horrors that happened there in the past. 

Maybe it will change someday. Maybe Sam will want to marry someone, to buy a more traditional place with a white picket fence where he can raise kids without fearing that they'll choose a cursed object or weapon laying around as their next toy. Dean has noticed more and more of Eileen's clothes in the laundry, more of her things left behind every time she comes to visit. He hopes it's only a matter of time before he's not surprised to see her at breakfast anymore. 

By the time he's checked on the fruit part of the garden, Cas has stopped praying and is observing him. The sun is setting, painting an orange glow behind him, and for a second it nearly looks like Cas has a hallo. 

"You told Jack about the horse riding lesson?" Dean asks as he straddles the bench to sit next to his friend. He rubs his hands against the cold, blowing into them to try and warm them up a little. 

"Maybe," Cas says with a mocking smile that makes Dean balks. 

"Oh, come on, you promise you wouldn't tell anyone about me falling on my ass!"

Cas chuckles at the memory of Dean's horse throwing him into a giant mud puddle. Dean had cursed for a whole ten minutes as he struggled to stand up but kept falling right back on his ass. It made Cas laugh so much that he'd started crying. That's a thing Cas does now, he laughs. He does it more and more, and Dean is amazed by it, every single time. 

"Technically, I didn't tell anyone anything," Cas argues with a smirk. He's not wrong. They have no idea if Jack can even hear their prayers now that he's taken charge of and close up Heaven. That doesn't stop them from regularly praying to him, especially Cas. 

"You tell Sam and I'll bury your damn guinea pig next to the tomatoes," Dean threatens. 

"No you won't," Cas says with a fond smile. 

"No, I won't," Dean admits, pouting half-heartedly. He's actually come to like the damn beast. Which no one would actually know if Honey didn't start screeching every time Dean comes near it, calling for the treat that he knows Dean will give him. It was supposed to be their little secret but Honey blew their cover more than once. Dean is still pretending he hates the little ball of fluff, on principle, even though no one is fooled anymore. 

"You were right about the horse, I hadn't realized the amount of dejection it actually produces," Cas concedes. "Also, my bottom is sore from the ride," he adds, squirming a little in his seat. 

Dean chokes a little on his saliva at the image that brings to mind. Honestly, even without the innuendo, watching Cas ride a horse, hips rising and bending over the saddle, has done quite a number on Dean's libido. If he hadn't been questioning his sexuality before, he would definitely be now. Good thing he already was. Cas kissing him has been the only thing on his mind for days now. They haven't talked about it, and Cas is acting like it didn't even happen, but Dean has barely slept since then, spending his nights thinking about Cas' lips on his, and how he might possibly maybe want to do that again. 

"Did you kiss Sam too?" he blurts out. It's not the most subtle or delicate way to bring up the subject, but apparently that's what his brain has chosen to say. Damn you, brain! 

"Why would I kiss Sam?" Cas asks, looking genuinely astounded by the question. 

"Wasn't that on your list?" Dean asks, scratching the back of his neck. 

Cas squints at him like he's the most idiotic thing he's ever seen and, well, Dean probably is. 

Dean squirms under the stare, rubbing his hands again, as much against the cold as in nervousness. The ex angel gives a long suffering sigh before he grabs Dean's wrists. He pulls on his hands until they're under his own sweater. Dean is so startled that he just looks at the bulge his hands are making over Cas' stomach with wide eyes, not daring to move his fingers. They're nestled between Cas' tee-shirt and his abdominal muscles. It's so warm under there that his skin is tingling from the temperature difference. 

"You're an idiot, Dean Winchester," Cas declares. Dean looks up, and Cas is looking at him so fondly that it makes him blush a little. 

"Yeah," he sighs. "I know."

"I must be one too, because I would very much like you to be my idiot for as long as you would have me," Cas confesses, a little shy as he draws patterns on the shape of Dean's fingers over the tissue of his sweater. 

"I'm not sure, Cas," Dean says, making the other man tense up. "Are you sure you want to be stuck with me forever?"

It takes a minute for Cas to get his meaning, brow furrows intensely before they relax in realization. 

"That was my plan all along," Cas says, his smile so wide it's showing his gums. 

And yeah, knowing Cas, it probably was. Cas would have stayed by Dean's side forever whether he was an angel or a human or even a God. Hell, Cas was ready to stay by his side when Dean was turning into a monster bearing the mark of Cain, and when he was a demon. He wanted to stay by Dean's side even when Dean was cruel and screaming at him to go. It was the irony of it all, wasn't it? It always felt like Cas was leaving him, running away for angel business or whatever, but Dean never ever doubted that he would come back. He always knew Cas would come back somehow. After all, even death could never keep Cas away for long. 

Dean slides his hands a little higher, making Cas shiver as they travel over his torso under his shirt. Dean's fingers tightens around the cloth, and pulls Cas closer, close enough that their noses are nearly touching. 

"And now it's mine too," Dean sworns,resting his forehead against the other man's. He cradles Cas' jaw, passing a thumb under one of his eyes. The stubborn angel refuses to close them, even though they're so close that he's going cross eyed. Still, he keeps looking right into Dean's green orbits and hell, that must mean Dean can't keep his eyes off Cas either

When they kiss, it's sappy and tender and sweet and everything Dean always thought he could never have. The relief he feels makes Dean wonders if it isn't everything he's been waiting for all along, without even realizing it. 

Cas is right by his side, as always, and Dean is damn well going to keep him as close as he can for as long as he possibly can. And hey, he knows the guy ruling Heaven now, so that might just be forever. 

The End.