#sam vs weakness

[shallowseeker]

Can't explain it, but feeling Kaia today.

Something about not mattering. And being too weak.

Dark Kaia as a mirror for Dean's (Sam-coded) fear of his own weakness, especially post-AU Michael possession.

Dark Kaia is a survivor, a soldier.

She knows the fear.

She goads Dean about "being weak" and about "using violence, threats, whatever it takes" to get what he wants

(and what he wants is to be safe, for his loved ones to be safe).

She chides Dean about pulling a gun on other Kaia...

...but when she herself got angry, she accidentally friggin' SPEARED other Kaia!!!

Kaia wields violence like a second skin... for the many of the same reasons Dean does.

She knows Dean because she's LIKE him.

///

This is heavy, because while we've seen a lot of other characters VERSUS weakness outright (s4 Sam, s12 Cas)

this hasn't been Dean's primary mode of struggle, at least not in this manner.

The Mark of Cain is adjacent to it, sure, but that's more about eliminating the enemies and eliminating the need for terrible decision-making.

This is more like the Rowena-mode of "never being weak again," and the Sam-mode of self-disgust/vulnerability.

And just like Cas's "weakness" crisis in s12 becomes inflamed post-his Lucifer possession, so too is this the fallout of Dean's post-Michael possession:

//

Dean's a little bit aware of it, too, as we see in 14x09:

By his own admission, he's ruminating on the possession of his loved ones, and he's thinking about their struggles and resultant freakouts in fresh new ways.

(Note: I think he's also SUBCONSCIOUSLY thinking about the scenarios... where his loved one DID the possessing.)

But sadly...

Like Rowena, Dean CHOKES at THE critical battle junction, and he lets his loved ones down...

... which crushes him completely. :(

Dean lost faith in himself after this.

:((((

///

And the fear, that wound, that loss of control... of not being ENOUGH on his own...

...it persists.

It's all feeding into his eventual breakdown, into his looming existential crisis.

Nick says they're alike, but Dean became a vessel to save Sam and Jack.

Nick, on the other hand, did it to avoid his own grief and to plug the lost meaning back into his life:

///

Ah, it's so painful...

And in season 15, I think Dark Kaia and Dean spiral all the way down together, too, echoing each other and understanding each other in such horrible, interesting ways...

DARK KAIA (to Jack): You can fix this. Help us. Please. Please? (15x12)

Dean, Cas, and Sam all wax and wane on the idea of Jack saving the world. (SAM: Jack, you're the only one who can.)

Later, Sam and Dean beg Chuck to fix the world. (DEAN: But, first, you got to put everything back the way it was. The people, the birds, Cas. You got to bring him back.)

And when that fails, they count on God!Jack to fix the world. (DEAN: Alright, kid, you really think you can pull this off?... Way to go!)

///

ANYWAY

Kaia.

Kaia should be angry with Jack and Dean, but she isn't, because she's LIKE them. She understands them.

When Dean comes for our Kaia in The Bad Place, she collapses into his arms, and later, she cheerfully hangs out with Jack and borrows his clothes.

Charitably, Kaia was team Jack in the first place because she understood the desperation of his point of view. After all, she too was burdened with powers that tormented her, and she wanted them to mean something good.

Emotionally, she totally gets Dean, perhaps wondering if she too, would pull a gun if she could've had the chance to save her mom or aunt.

Dark Kaia, on the other hand, is a survivor. She's surprisingly ruthless and deeply desperate in very Dean- and Jack- ways. Dark Kaia fights to find a place where she belongs. She protects the people she loves, even when it costs her everything. In the end, she tragically gives in to death.

All this… it's why Kaia, Jack, and Dean get along better than they arguably should.

It's also why I think our Kaia will have both Jack and Dean eating out of the palm of her hand for the rest of time.

[honeybunchesobees]

it's bout to be 20-fucking-24, and we still out here discussing if chloe price is a toxic bad person or not. yall chloe haters just admit yall hate women and cant handle a bad bitch, and we can move the fuck on. cuz im sick a yall.

[detective-piplup]

elias watch out there’s a murder girlie behind you

[4liveblogging]

Love the drama

best friends who literally dress exactly the same -> fallout. makeover(superficial difference)(have basically the exact same complexes that lead to them butting heads. Then sudden divergence ie. pos./neg. growth) ://////

yeah hyemi/baekhi u know how it is

[hayatheauthor]

Hello! I just found your blog and I love it!! How would I write a good protag's best friend character (or sidekick but not really) Much appreciated!!!

Thank you for the ask! Sorry it took me forever to get to it

How to Write a Protagonist’s Best Friend (Without Making Them a Sidekick!)

A great best friend character does more than just stand beside the protagonist, here are some tips to help you capture that:

What Makes a Best Friend Character Strong?

A well-written best friend character has qualities that make them stand out on their own. Here’s what sets them apart from a generic sidekick:

They Have Their Own Story – They shouldn’t exist just to serve the protagonist’s journey. Give them goals, conflicts, and motivations that intersect with the main plot but don’t revolve around the protagonist.

They Balance the Protagonist – A best friend should contrast the protagonist in meaningful ways. Maybe they challenge the protagonist’s worldview or complement their weaknesses with different strengths.

They Change Over Time – Just like the protagonist, they should grow. Their relationship with the protagonist should evolve based on the events of the story.

For example, in Percy Jackson, Grover is not just comic relief—he has his own mission (finding Pan, proving himself as a protector), and his strengths (resourcefulness, empathy) balance Percy’s impulsive nature.

What Role Should They Play in the Plot?

A best friend character shouldn’t just be there for emotional support—they should impact the story. Here are some ways to make sure they play a meaningful role:

Driving the Plot – Have them take actions that change the course of the story. Maybe they uncover crucial information, make a decision that alters the protagonist’s fate, or even become a source of conflict.

Acting as a Foil – A best friend often highlights the protagonist’s strengths and flaws through contrast. Are they more cautious while the protagonist is reckless? More idealistic, while the protagonist is cynical?

Having Moments of Leadership – The protagonist shouldn’t always be in charge. Let the best friend take the lead at times, making key choices that drive the story forward.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Even well-meaning writers can accidentally flatten a best friend character. Here’s what to watch out for:

Making Them One-Dimensional – If their entire personality is “supportive and loyal,” they’ll feel like a cardboard cutout. Give them flaws, ambitions, and struggles.

Using Them as a Plot Device – They shouldn’t just show up to deliver emotional support or conveniently solve problems for the protagonist. They need to have agency.

Forgetting Their Growth Arc – Just like the protagonist, they should be affected by the events of the story and change accordingly.

A common complaint about Ron Weasley’s character in later Harry Potter books is that he sometimes feels like just a sidekick, while Hermione and Harry have more direct influence on the plot. Had Ron been given more individual agency in key moments, his presence might have felt stronger.

How to Develop Their Relationship with the Protagonist

A strong friendship isn’t always smooth sailing. Consider:

Conflict & Tension – Friends fight. Maybe they disagree on how to handle a situation. Maybe one feels overshadowed by the other.

Moments of Distance – Do they ever drift apart? Are they forced into situations where they can’t rely on each other?

Loyalty vs. Individuality – The best friend doesn’t always have to be on the protagonist’s side. Maybe they make a choice that goes against the protagonist’s wishes.

Examples of Well-Written Best Friend Characters

Here are some standout best friend characters and what makes them strong:

Samwise Gamgee (The Lord of the Rings) – Sam is fiercely loyal, but he’s also stronger than Frodo in many ways. He makes tough calls, pushes Frodo forward, and carries both emotional and physical burdens.

Inej Ghafa (Six of Crows) – Inej is Kaz’s closest ally, but she doesn’t just follow him blindly. She has her own sense of morality, her own trauma, and her own dreams beyond him.

Peeta Mellark (The Hunger Games) – Peeta isn’t just a love interest—he challenges Katniss emotionally and strategically, making choices that directly impact her fate.

Robin (Stranger Things) – Unlike the stereotypical “supportive best friend,” Robin has her own quirks, insecurities, and motivations that make her dynamic with Steve stand out.

These characters don’t just exist to assist the protagonist—they challenge them, change them, and make the story richer.

Tips to Make Your Best Friend Character Stand Out

Here are some practical ways to make sure your best friend character is strong and memorable:

✅ Give them distinct personality traits – Don’t let them blend into the background. Make sure they have mannerisms, speech patterns, and habits that set them apart. ✅ Let them struggle – Just like the protagonist, they should face obstacles that force them to grow. ✅ Make them essential to the story – If you could remove them from the plot and nothing would change, they’re not well-integrated enough. ✅Let them ride solo – Just because they're friends doesn't mean they have to be glued to the hip the entire story! Maybe they get separated during a key arc, have a bit of tension that splits them (think Ron and Harry) or have different offices/schools/hobbies. ✅ Show their relationship evolving – Friendships aren’t static. The ups and downs should feel natural and meaningful.

Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 

Check out the rest of Quillology with Haya; a blog dedicated to writing and publishing tips for authors!

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[lostgirlmuseum]

Bucky vs. Book

^Bucky on his way to you fr^

Summary: Bucky rushes to your aid when he finds out you’re upset. He’s never seen you this distraught before.

Pairing: Bucky x f!Reader

Words: 600 (I don’t think I have ever written something this short before wth)

Warning: It’s kinda angst?? But mostly fluff. 

A/N: Sorry I haven’t been on much lately, school is keeping me busy. I wrote this pretty quickly and it’s just a short little treat while I’m in the middle of writing a mini series. Idk when I’ll finish writing it, but it prob won’t be done this month. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

Divider credit: @cafekitsune

“Bucky?” Sam asked.

“M’ busy.” Bucky mumbled, curling a barbell like it was a dumbbell.

“Someone just informed me they heard crying coming from your girl’s room.”

“What?” Bucky dropped the barbell on the ground with a loud thud. 

“Move, out of the way!” Bucky yelled, nearly knocking Sam over as he started sprinting to the gym exit.

Bucky ran so fast that he was bumping into walls and hitting corners, trying to locate the nearest stairs. 

He took the stairs by three, his heart hammering against his chest, his ears on high alert in case he could hear you calling for him.

Finally, he made it to your room, and swung the door open without a second thought, just needing to know if you were okay. Bucky’s wide eyes spotted you instantly, curled into yourself on the rug, tissues littering the floor, sobbing. He had never seen you so upset.

He wasted no time sliding onto his knees and to you.

“Doll? Doll, what’s wrong? What happened? Are you hurt?” He tried to lift your chin to see your beautiful face, but you barely acknowledged him, your puffy eyes cast down.

“My h-heart,” you choked, clutching your chest.

“Are you having a heart attack?” He couldn’t stop himself from sliding his hands all over you, checking for injuries.

“I feel– s-so sad,” was all you could make out between sobs.

“Baby, who hurt you?” He was panicking, he needed to know what happened, why you were so distraught so he could fix it. 

“Stupid book!” You cried, and flung yourself at him, holding him close, and tucking your head into his chest. Bucky immediately reciprocated, wrapping his big arms around you, squeezing you tight, one hand brushing your hair.

That’s when he noticed the outline of a book under a couple tissues.

“It’s not fair,” you cried, body shaking with each breath.

“I know, I know,” he soothed. He, of course, did not know, but he was enormously relieved to see the perpetrator was only a book. 

“They were supposed to end up together! They were p-p-per–” You squeezed him tighter, struggling to get the words out. “Perfect together! Why did the author ruin it? It’s not fair, it’s not fair, they deserve to be happy!” 

“Shhh,” he whispered, starting to rock you back and forth.

“It’s not fair,” you whispered through another cry, and collapsed fully into him.

“It’s not,” Bucky echoed.

Eventually your cries quieted and slowed, and Bucky kissed your forehead and let go of you. You barely had time to question what he was doing when he picked up the book from behind you and started to pretend to punch it. 

“Bad book,” he chastised, “you made my baby cry. Nobody makes my baby cry,”

You couldn’t help but giggle, and wipe the remaining tears from your eyes.

Bucky continued to scold it, and even positioned himself to body slam it.

“Bucky,” you full on laughed, “stop,”

“Not until it apologizes,” he grumbled, faking a chokehold on it. “Oh, shit–” Bucky rolled onto his back and held the book above him, acting out a struggle. “It’s got me baby, help!”

Giving in to his shenanigans, you leaned over and grabbed the book from his hands, and gave it your own weak punch. 

“Fuck you, book,” You sniffed and laughed.

“It can’t hurt you anymore,” Bucky said, patting your back. 

“Thank you, Bucky,” 

“I’ve got you, doll.”

“Why are there dents in all the walls?” Tony’s raised voice could be heard all the way from the floor below.

You looked at Bucky.

“What?” He smiled cheekily. “You needed me.”

Thank you for reading!

My Masterlist if you'd like to check my other stuff out :)

Oh oh and this is inspired by my reaction to Me Before You by Jojo Moyes. I hate that book so much. I love that book so much.

[holylulusworld]

Pour me some love (1) - Flufftober 13

Summary: He always ends up in your roadhouse.

Pairing: Biker!Dean Winchester x Plussized!Reader

Trope: Love at First Sight

Warnings: flirty Dean, shy/low self-esteem, fluff

Idea by: @elle14-blog1

Kinktober vs Flufftober 2024

Life is slow out here. You’re used to it. Years of spending your time after school at your dad’s bar taught you two things. Men can be the worst, and alcohol is not for you.

After your dad retired, his partner Ellen Harvelle took over the business. She was kind enough to offer you to stay and work for her. In the back to take care of the finances, and in the front to help her with the thirsty crowd.

Most of your guests at the roadhouse are regulars. The usual drunk, the businessmen wanting to drown their sorrows in booze, and the lonely hearts seeking company. But sometimes you get lucky and a stranded traveler or someone catching your attention ends up in your bar.

Just like tonight. He’s back, with company: Dean Winchester, your dream man on bowed legs.

You sigh watching him step inside the bar. He straightens his tousled hair as the single ladies in the bar crane their necks. You rarely get the chance to look at men like the Winchesters and their friends.

Bikers. Rough around the edges, a little cocky, and so damn handsome.

You know little to nothing about them. What you know is that John Winchester, leader of the Purgatory biker club, is Dean and Sam’s father.

Sam, the younger brother, has a girl in tow. His girlfriend Ruby. She glares at the woman at the bar, marking her property by wrapping her arms around Sam’s neck to kiss him fiercely.

They make out for a moment before John clears his throat. He came here for drinks and a cheap bed, not to watch his son fuck Ruby with his tongue. “Sammy, get your shit together,” he grits out before walking toward the table he always occupies when he’s around.

He nods at Ellen, who already carries his favorite poison toward the table, along with enough glasses for his friends.

“Welcome back, John,” Ellen says. “No fights. No swear words. No smoking at my place, Winchester.”

John smirks. “I wouldn’t dare cause trouble at your place, Ellen.” She huffs and turns toward the bar to nod at you. You’ve got your hands full with the other guests, but the biker club tips well.

“Hello sweetheart,” Dean, the elder brother, claims the only free seat at the bar counter. “What can you recommend today?” He licks his sinfully plump lips, eyes glued to your chest. “What’s on the menu tonight?”

“We’re not a diner, Dean,” you tease, and slap his chest with the dishtowel in your hand. “We’ve got peanuts, beer, booze, and bad music blaring from the centuries-old music box.”

Dean grins now. He loves that you do not shy away from him any longer. In the beginning, when he first came to the bar, you barely got a word out when he tried to chat you up.

His constant flirting and charming personality changed your mind about bikers and men in general. You slowly warmed up to Dean, and now you fear he owns your heart.

Sadly, you’ve got no clue if he feels the same or if he’s just friendly to every woman. Dean is a natural flirt, and you fear; he only tries to make you feel better. Because most of the guys coming to the bar rather flirt with Jo or the other pretty and petite waitresses.

“Hey, if you stare at Y/N as if she’s on the menu, you’ll pay for her too,” Jo slams her hand onto the bar counter. She grins as Dean’s cheeks redden.

“I was asking about the special tonight,” Dean grumbles under his breath. Another missed chance to talk to you without someone ruining it.

“Babe,” Jo whispers in your ear, “don’t make it easy for him. Make him beg for it. You’re too good for a one-night stand.”

“He wouldn't... he didn’t,” you splutter, catching Dean’s attention. He watches you nervously tug at the Zeppelin shirt you found in a drift shop. You bought it because you remember he told you about his weakness for classic rock.

“I got an eye on you, Winchester,” Jo glares at Dean. “One wrong move, and you end up spitting blood, mister.”

“Jo!” You tut.

She snickers before walking off. Jo met lots of bikers in her life. None of them meant what they promised a girl. She learned the hard way what heartbreak means.

“So... uh, any food tonight?” Dean hopefully asks. Last time he came around, you offered the rest of your homemade lasagna to him. He inhaled the food.

“I got some pie left.” You barely get the words out before he grabs your hand, holding it in his. “What?”

“Pie? I love me some pie,” Dean exclaims before leaning over the bar counter. “I swear, if your pie is as sweet as you, I’m going to marry you.”

You harrumph and wiggle out of his grip. “What are you doing, Dean?” You sniffle. “Listen, I know you’re a natural flirt, but stop pretending you like me or shit. That’s not fair, you know. A man like you shouldn’t give a girl like me hope.”

You throw the dishtowel at him before storming out of the bar to get fresh air.

“WINCHESTER!” Jo growls. She jumps over the bar counter to get the baseball bat she hides there in case one of the guests gets a little too cocky.

“I didn’t do a thing!” Dean gets off his seat to run after you. “Sonofabitch!”

“I hope so!” Jo yells after him, earning a chuckle from the rest of the biker gang. They all know Dean has a big crush on you.

“Sweetheart wait! Wait up!” Dean chases after you. He wheezes when you finally stop and wait for him to catch up with you. “I—phew.” He huffs. “I didn’t know running is so exhausting.”

“Dean, what do you want? Is this all a game to you?” You wipe your eyes. “Because it’s not funny to flirt with a girl you’re not interested in.”

“Y/N,” he grabs your upper arms, still panting. “Shit, give me a sec, baby. I—fuck. My sides hurt, and my lungs feel like I ran a marathon.”

You giggle as he tries to catch his breath. “I would never make fun of you,” he squeezes your arms before dropping his hands. Dean cups your face instead, looking you deep in the eyes. “Sweetheart, I fell in love with you the moment I stepped into the bar for the first time. I just didn’t know how to ask you on a date.”

“What? I—what?” You believe you misheard. “You can’t be serious.”

“I’m damn serious, sweetheart,” Dean says and jerks his head toward a black classic muscle car parked in front of the bar. “I came with my Baby, not my bike, tonight to ask you to go for a ride with me.”

Oh, he grins with a twinkle in his eyes.

“I’m not a girl for one night.” You pout and sniff.

“Sweetheart,” he leans closer to murmur your name. “Do you believe I’m the kind of guy going for a wild ride with the girl he loves only once?”

You shake your head.

“Good,” he nods. “Now, let me kiss my girl. And then I’ll take her for a romantic ride in my car.

Read more here: Pour me some love (2)

[manwiththemagic]

The writers of s11 were cowards. If IIIIIIIIIII was in charge I'd made Lucifer's weird obsession with Sam show up more. Like the writers have very obviously included it and yet when Lucifer is processing the same vessel as cas, and therefore pretending to be cas, he just fucks off and tortures Crowley with fucked up bdsm pet play.

Like the few times casifer and Sam interacted were GOLD. because Sam sees it as his best friend cas, and Lucifer (who keeps talking about Sam like they're toxic ex's) is pretending to be him!! Although not to well. Like his freaky smirk when sending Dean into the past and coming back to harass Sam? Dude lives off of sadistic pleasure.

The way he full on LAUGHS when Sam says he trusts him bc Sam thinks it's cas?? Like gold!?!? Don't know why the writers didn't do more with that.

Also why not do more with the 'lucifer sent Sam visions to get him down to hell'. Like Lucifer is Obsessed w/ sam because that body/vessel is "supposed to be" his. And yet after revealing himself he doesn't try and convince Sam anymore?

He's just given up? Like nah man I don't believe that. I feel like he woulda fucked with Sam more in cas' body. And like it woulda been a way better not-romance-romance plot then whatever the fuck Dean and Amara were..

Like that came outta no where... I mean I get it.. but ew?? We saw her grow up, and maybe id argue "well there were two versions of her!! One physical on earth, the other her actual form and memories as a celestial being!!" BUT NO. SHE CALLS CROWLEY UNCLE CROWLEY.

cause he like raised her for a day or wtv..

Idk s11 is better than s10. Like the episode from baby's prospective?? PEAK CINEMAAAA!! also not that I dislike s11, no I quite love it, I just wish the dean plots were more fleshed out, and that it was more "Dean and Sam vs the world!!" Then Dean vs Sam yk??

Like where's my dynamic duo??

That's part of why I didn't like s10. Like no I loved the IDEA of Mark of Cain dean, and demon dean was hilarious (although I HATE him) but it was just Dean vs Sam, Dean vs cas, Dean vs the world. And idk I liked the idea, cause this time it was sam doing everything to save Dean, but man I just didn't like the fighting..

Also s11 had a mention of TMNT, S10 did not so... points!!

S1 and 2 of spn were peak ofc, and s3 was good but not really memorable for me?? Idk I'll go back and rewatch once I finish the series (just finished s11)

S4 and 5 were also really good, we got Castiel who is peak, blood junkie Sam, which was one of my favorite plots!! And of course a lot more bobby. Rest in peace king!

And unlike some I loveeeed s6-7 like.. the soulless plot, and death? Dean dealing with soulless sam?? Chefs kiss I mean mwah. Then Sam tweaking because of hallucinations. NOT TO MENTION GODSTIEL?? loved him sm stg.

8-9-10 is where it kinda fell off. I mean idk the leviathans?? Weak. Hated them ngl. Idk if they were s7 but either way.. mid. I didn't like purgatory bc no way Sam would do that?? But I did like how it developed deans character..

I don't remember what happened in what season but I lovedddd kevin, hated metatron (but in the "it's because he's well done" kinda way), the tablets were aight, Mark of Cain was uh... something.. (I hate demon dean but he was peak..)

So like idk.. show is peak though, I'm just at that point in the hyperfixtion where it's like "BUT I COULD DO IT BETTER!!" ykwim?? NVM I'm sick with a fever, supernatural is all I have going for me man.

[testyqwcde]

We've been curious about what happened to Halbrand during the eruption of Mount Doom in Season 1. It's also been confirmed that certain storylines introduced in Season 1 won’t come into play until Season 5. This leads me to believe that the eruption of Mount Doom is the event that restores Sauron’s power. Before this, in Numenor and even the Southlands, he was still weak and unable to tap into his sorcery. At that point, he seemed lost, uncertain of which path to take to prove his worth. However, shortly after the eruption, we begin to see a shift in his personality, now framed with darker, more sinister undertones. It's possible that in the upcoming season or in Season 5, we’ll get a flashback showing how he regained his strength.

Notably, several key facts suggest that Sauron’s power is somehow tied to the volcano.

Sauron forged the One Ring in the fires of Mount Doom by using its volcanic power to create an object of immense strength. Its destruction, too, lies in the depths of the volcano, where it was originally forged.

After Sauron’s defeat in the War of the Last Alliance, Mount Doom returned to sleep, much like Sauron’s waning power. However, when he regained his strength, the volcano reawoke that is a symbol of the resurgence of his dark influence.

Eruptions of volcanoes are often linked to dark, mysterious forces, and this is fitting for Sauron, who embodies the destructive and fiery nature of such events. The fire and fury of Mount Doom are not only physical but symbolic of Sauron’s true nature.

As Sam Smith's noted once his song 😁

Fire on fire Would normally kill us But this much desire Together we’re winners

This is exactly what happened to Sauron. Fire met fire and it enhanced Sauron's powers 💡

Gifs

How does it affect Saurondriel connection?

As @rey-jake-therapist has rightfully spotted in this meta , it’s fascinating to see how Sauron and Galadriel symbolize not just the classic Good vs. Evil and Light vs. Darkness, but also Water vs. Fire.

Let's not forget what caused the eruption essentially: too much water poured into the volcanic fires triggered the explosion.

The eruption which nearly allowed Sauron to regain his powers is a key metaphor of the explosive, destructive, powerful potential of their relationship.

[loving-family-poll]

2nd Ultimate Incest Tournament - Round 1

Propaganda under the cut:

Sam/John:

Overprotective controlling dad, bratty rebellious confrontational Sam, the eventual realization of what John was trying to protect him from, the sad dad puppy eyes

Often overlooked in the Winchester family incest dynamics which is sad because it fucks so hard; John has such complex feelings regarding Sam because his birth indirectly causes the death of Sam and Dean’s mother and leads to the Winchesters becoming like that. John sees the sweet boy he loves and the monster Sam is fated to become, and is torn between saving or killing him. Keeping Sam safe and innocent is one of the main motivations behind John’s terrible, desperate actions; however through the extreme countermeasures he takes, he only manages to push Sam further away and closer to his fate. It’s only after John’s death that Sam begins to understand his actions but also believes John was right to ‘want to kill him’. John may be absent for most of Supernatural but he forever haunts the narrative and his sons, the One True FatherGod of Supernatural

Dirk/Dave:

Can you imagine being so intrinsically tied to someone you will never not be in their lives? So intrinsically tied you are them but never will be?

Dave and Dirk both grew up as themselves and essentially raising the other. Where Dirk grew up with his timeline's Bro ( Alpha Timeline Dave )—a Bro who was absent, yet such an impacting influence to Dirk as someone who /couldn't/ be there: Dave was massively way too in the past ( literally ) to be around for Dirk in the future, yet made sure to keep a secure place for him that would be protected enough FOR Dirk to be able to survive. Dirk watched all of his movies. He wanted to be everything Dave was. He wanted to meet him, know him, be with him. More than anything.

Dave grew up differently in the Beta Timeline. Dave's Bro, who was far too involved in his life. Constantly sparring him, or really calling him to strifes were he'd get his shit kicked in major, bullying him, picking fun at him, all to "train" him for the Game. Where Dave has to deal with how terrified he is of Bro and play it off—a sign of weakness was weakness after all. Beta Dirk, Bro, dies protecting Dave. Alpha Dave, Bro, dies in protecting the world so Dirk could live.

And they meet together. Years later Dirk and Dave, kids who never got to be close with their Bros who grew up scared or intimidated or inspired, meet the other one. And it is everything and none of what they could have ever hoped for.

There is something about seeing the ghost of someone and instead of haunting you like a demon infested house wanting to kill you, it haunts you like a memory. Where that hair, those shades, you know them. Where you don’t know someone yet you hate them for being everything you wanted. But still being on top of a rooftop, being vulnerable for once. Sharing a hug. "This is fucked up." "Yeah. Fucked up." Where the focal point is a form of masculinity that helps them survive or keeps them apart from others. How long can you keep swinging the blade you wielded since you were a baby? How long can you keep pretending your heart doesn't ache when you see him? How long can you keep away when you love him and hate him and want him dead but *God you want him?

What if you grew up idolizing your absent older brother who was the only connection you had to the world that had existed before the apocalypse for a long time. What if you grew up idolizing and emulating a present older brother who raised you only to realize as a teenager, after he’s dead, that your relationship was kind of fucked up and he was abusive and also he gave you a lot of sexuality hangups. Now imagine you both meet an alternate version of this brother. He’s a teenager. You’re around the same age. He was influenced in ways you can’t control by a version of you you’ve never been. And you’re literally both queer. Lots of things can happen here. Your abusive brother’s teenage self is trying so hard to be better than the worst possibility and isn’t to blame for what his alternate version did. Your absent brother’s teenage self is so present and real and not a larger of life mythological figure but you have a design he created tattooed on your arm which you did out of a desperate desire for connection. WOW.

[shallowseeker]

"Sam knows some."

Also, Sam is afraid of grief, part 99 million.

Sam knows some. (And usually, not enough.)

He doesn't always notice emotional stuff on his own—not unless it’s a puzzle he can piece together from someone’s actions, or a situation he can map onto his own experience. His empathy is a pragmatic, lived-in, experience-driven thing. He’s spent most of his life at the kids’ table, even when he was trying not to be, and his own needs and (in)stability are tragically often the center of a very small, very dry family desert with too little resources and few loved ones. And like Dean sometimes wants Cas to be fine and invincible just so he doesn’t have to worry, Sam does too. In Sam's eyes, Cas is often the invincible, unkillable hero who always comes back no matter what. He gets up even when he fails. Even when he goes crazy, he pull himself back together, (and quicker than Sam would've at that).

Most importantly... Even when Cas's dead, he doesn't die.

//

In 10x01, Cas is desperately holding his coughs in, and pulls away from the phone to cough, but one of them slips through the receiver:

SAM: The first lead, the first anything we've seen in... [Sam stops himself, hearing CASTIEL's nonstop coughing] 10x01

And yes, in this scene, Sam accidentally throws some passive-aggressive shade about his arm. He’s a friggin' whiner—but overall, he changes his tune the second he hears Cas cough.

His eyes do the panicky back-and-forth tracky thing, and his excitement dies on the spot.

SAM: [after listening] Actually...you know what... now that I'm looking at this more I think I uh...I think I jumped the gun here, buddy. [...] I'm not, I'm not blaming anything on you. What happened, happened, and... you need to be worrying about yourself. I really shouldn't have bothered you. 10x01

But goshdarnit, if there’s something Sam usually isn’t, it’s thoughtful.

He could have invited Cas to the bunker—but the bunker, in Sam’s mind, is work, not a home. So giving Cas "time off" to "rest" and "worry about himself" feels like enough. It’s a bit like how he and Dean treated Bobby sometimes. Sam’s got terminal kids-table-syndrome, with a three-course side dish of self-involvement, tunnel vision, and obliviousness. He is, in short, so emotionally stupid sometimes that it's almost-but-not-quite endearing.

(SEE Jody and Dean in 11x12: Dean undersells his own connection-making ability / empathy... and oversells Sam's.)

///

In 10x02, Sam calls Cas because, really, Cas is one of the only people he has left in his life. They're short on family, short on friends. (And important to note, even the people they saved aren't around to ask for scraps—because Crowley killed off a whole slew of them in season 8.) So Sam's turning to Cas, even when Cas is sick, like how he (and Dean) so often relied on Bobby, even when Bobby was actively suicidal / soul-crunched into his own demon deal / freshly getting used to his wheelchair.

SAM: Right. Now, Cas, listen. I know you're not feeling so hot, but this is kind of an “all hands on deck” situation here, so... CASTIEL: So... I'll meet you there. 10x02

[...]

So, yeah. I seriously doubt Sam knows the full scope of how bad the grace situation is. (Not saying he wouldn't rationalize it if he did, since he's a pragmatic guy. But fair's fair. He doesn't fully know here...)

HANNAH: I’m sorry. I just can’t see how Sam Winchester could ask you to drive all this way to help with his brother, knowing your condition. [Castiel glances at Hannah, then turns back to the road.] HANNAH: He doesn’t know … about how badly your borrowed grace is fading, does he? CASTIEL: He knows some. 10x03

And there it is. Cas is being purposely cagey.

AS USUAL.

Yes, Sam is sometimes oblivious, but part of this whole dynamic is that Cas is notoriously super weird about showing weakness.

Anyway, I’d bet my Monopoly dog piece that Cas intentionally stayed away from the bunker in his downtime, trying to recover as much as possible in order to sure up enough energy to pretend to be strong.

Cas tell Hannah he wants to "say he's fine" so they can "avoid talking about something" no one can do anything about.

Uh-huh.

BONUS SIDE NOTE: Cas also told Hannah he doesn't want help, from his family or anyone else, because the only way to help him is not one he wants to pursue. (Another reason he's keeping it to himself.)

CASTIEL [lashing out]: And another angel should die so that I can be saved?! Is this really that hard to understand? Hannah... 10x01

///

Interestingly, though, Dean noticed Cas wasn't fine (re: batteries) back in season 9.

While it's true that Dean absolutely leaned into a sort-of endearing "Bobby-will-always-be-fine" dynamic, and perhaps clung to an invincible-Cas-hope early in their relationship, in the later years, it evolves.

Despite the occasional flash of hero worship (i.e. thinking Cas could time travel in s11), mostly Dean no longer believes that Cas will be fine...

...he just HOPES he will be.

(SIDE NOTE: In a hilarious full circle, Bobby ALSO expects a lot of Cas... Around and around we go!)

CAS: I'm fine, Dean. DEAN: No, you're not. How long you got? CAS: Long enough to destroy Metatron, I hope. 9x22

///

Anyway, it’s a massive difference with Sam, even in the terminal seasons. Sam has flashes of fear surrounding Cas’s death, but he really, really struggles to process it. He dissociates, throws himself into work, and refuses to face it.

(Kinda like how he rushes into the Eileen relationship in early s15 as a way to sidestep processing Mary, Jack, and Rowena.)

But unlike Dean, who grows into accepting and even fearing for Cas’s mortality, Sam seems to almost truly believe the line, "Cas will be fine. He always is." (Cas HAS to be fine in order for DEAN to be fine, you see...)

Strongest person I know!

I think the season 12 script cut line of Sam saying this

and this

is genuine.

12x10 via @spnscripthunt-inactive

Because later, when Cas actually does die, Sam really doesn't believe his own eyes. He keeps asking Dean for confirmation. He looks, and he backs away, not believing, then bolts to address the next mission-oriented thing.

No-way, no-how running boy~~~~

And later:

//

BONUS: Sam & Jack ("Cas'll FIX things!!!")

SAM TO CAS (about dead Jack): Cas, is he here? C-C-Can you-- Can you...?

(fix him?)

SEE also Sam vs grief with it comes to Dean-losing-Cas specifically.

x - x - x -x - x

Here's Sam realizing there's nothing he can do to ease Dean's grief about Cas, specifically, in the notorious Sam-freaks-out-and-is-bad-at-support 13x05... and 15x09 fake future, complete with with Sam’s beautiful jaw-wag of disbelief and panic-tracking eyes:

Look at him, the poor dude. He's TERRIFIED.

///

It's scary that Dean or Cas could die

Cas and Dean aren't just his family—they're his heroes He chafes at the thought of their mortality. It sends him into a tailspin every time.

CHUCK: No, this is more. This is...hope. Ah. That's what's stopping me – you. You still think that Dean and Cas are gonna fly through those doors just in the nick of time. 

(SEE ALSO: Sam and deciding not to smash the orb)

//

He really does expect them to charge in and be unstoppable

Like this x

Or

or this

Everything is gonna be fine... right?

///

...

And later still:

JACK: You can't just give up! SAM: What choice do we have?

[soullessjack]

i know ive vaguely mentioned that jack is putting on his own kind of personality-performance in the same way Dean is but something else I microwave in my head a lot is how he specifically plays it up with cas and performs in a similar way. they’re like two bodysnatchers pretending they’re humans and performing traditions that they think will help them blend in (like Cas calling Jack ‘slugger’ in the tombstone script draft)

I think another aspect of Jacks character that is often forgotten is that he also isn’t entirely human, and that coupled with the general infantilization he gets from the fandom means nobody is really looking very deeply into his behavior or recognizing it as a performance—specifically one that’s rooted in his need to be seen as acceptable and “Good,” and contributes so much to the sensitivity and defensiveness he’s shown to have towards his perceived place in TFW and the Winchester family.

everyone thinks it’s cute and charming that he wanted to match ties with Cas and supposedly has a talking teddy bear toy in 15x11 (the both of which can be seen as part of traditional nuclear family roles just like Cas calling him ‘slugger,’) but when that same episode ends with jack ruefully admitting to cas that he’s going to kill himself as part of Billie’s plan and as a way to atone for the damage he caused, you really have to question the sincerity of his behavior—especially since it’s not even the first time he’s used cutesy charming behavior to essentially manage everyone’s mood and emotions to keep being perceived the way he wants to be perceived at the face value he’s created for himself (unabashedly lying to Sam and Dean about anything happening while he was out with a big smile and an “I promise,” in 14x16, and doing the same thing to Mary in the beginning of 14x17).

another thing is that if jack does feel like he can be himself and also be accepted or even praised for it, like he was in apocalypse world with Mary and the refugees that saw him as a hero, he gets immediately defensive whenever something about his [genuine] self or his capability is questioned; he gets upset at Mary for not thinking that he can beat Michael alone and blows up at Cas for thinking he’s too weak to do anything by himself as a human being, and in both of these instances he switches tones a lot between a very deadpan and blunt when he’s essentially unmasking, vs a soft one when he’s trying to be reassuring and acceptable.

it adds a lot to his identity crisis in the beginning of s14 and especially to his soulless arc, when he’s basically desperate to get back into the traditional Good Son role he’s gotten even though his own subconscious outright mocks him for it and calls him pathetic for even wanting to be that person again

*which jack also becomes increasingly defensive and blatantly aggressive about.

im losing the plot because of my stomach hurting so TLDR jack is basically a bodysnatchers playing house the same way Castiel is amen godbless peace be with you all

[suzannahnatters]

ROTK Re-read: Book 5, Chs 6-10: Still Not Normal About Eowyn

CH 6 - THE BATTLE OF THE PELENNOR FIELDS

*endless screaming *

I mean. imagine being a woman in nineteen fifty whenever reading this. you would go absolutely feral. diana wynne jones said of THE FAERIE QUEENE's Britomart that "a woman who was a proper hero...may be a commonplace now, but it certainly was not in the fifties"

but more than that the thing that strikes me most this time is, this is not just Tolkien airing his annoyance with MACBETH. it's him saying, yes, this story is the exaltation of the humble. the short. the weak. the lower class. and yep, that includes women. a woman, assisted by a Hobbit, gets the biggest battlefield moment of awesome in the whole book. like, so far the only other thing in the book THIS epic is Sam vs Shelob. and the Witch-King gets this oh-heck moment when he realises, wait, the prophecy didn't promise that he would meet his end at the hands of a great hero, an Elf or Wizard - it promised the opposite. it's beautiful, and it's Tolkien YET AGAIN addressing sexism.

never going to be over Eomer reacting to his uncle's death with dignified verse and then losing his ever loving mind when he realises his sister is here. and like yes, 100% I get what he's feeling here, he's suddenly had the whole floor yanked out from under him: he was happy to face death in battle so long as he could think of his sister safe and protected at home, and now he's got to face the horror of realising that no, she wasn't safe. like, I am sure Tolkien was glad that the women he cared about didn't have to be in the trenches; but there's also a heavy irony to all this, because Eowyn was so unsafe at home for so long, even before the war, that now she's run into the war to find death. and Éomer gets to cut loose and take out his outrage about this on the enemy, and he gets to ride around berserker style yelling "death", and Éowyn doesn't get that, Éowyn has never had that, she's had to bottle it up and stay so tightly controlled - gosh it's such a mood, everything about this character is Tolkien Seeing Women.

"only the lady Éowyn came to the battle" sez you buddy. some other ladies in armour on this very battlefield probably want to have a word with you about that (seriously we have multiple accounts of ladies fighting, as knights or archers, during the Third Crusade *alone* so scuse me if I don't believe Eowyn's the only woman here lol)

"his fury had betrayed him" lollll who could have seen this coming also bless you Tolkien for visiting realistic consequences upon Éomer's rash charge

gosh yes horses being unable to stand elephants is 100% accurate, they have to be accustomed to them from an early age, they can't stand kangaroos either

"out of doubt, out of dark, to the day's rising" another top 10 LOTR poetry moment CHILLS EVERY TIME

the sheer EUCATASTROPHE of Éomer preparing his last stand and the black ships turning out to be Aragorn all along, asjkagh. but in addition, is there an echo here of Theseus and his black sails? like, here are these black ships returning and striking terror into all hearts, but then unlike Theseus, Aragorn thinks to unfurl Arwen's banner. and this is when the eucatastrophe hits: it's her work that restores life and hope to the battle, in the same way that the star glass of Galadriel gives life and hope to the hobbits (did Arwen forsee the importance of this?). so that in a way, women have a hand in both the two most epic moments of this whole battle, Éowyn as the woman of war and Arwen as the woman of peace.

and Tolkien doesn't forget to end the chapter with a lament for the slain because even in victory there's a cost, and not even the most glorious battle described in literature can be allowed to pass without a lament for that cost.

Ch 7 - THE PYRE OF DENETHOR

"against the power that arises there is no victory" there truly is a fear that is indistinguishable from worship.

the sheer irony of this chapter!!!! like putting it after we know that the Witch King is dead and Aragorn is in the ships and the battle is won is a bold choice but BRILLIANT storytelling because none of the suspense is compromised, it's just heightened the irony!!!

gosh I have always remembered Denethor as one who succumbs to despair but he really does also succumb to power doesn't he? he is basically Saruman 2.0. and this is his important distinction from Éowyn - she wants death *but not power over others*. not even power for herself.

the moral of the story is that doomscrolling can kill you. like. everything Denethor saw was factually true. but he didn't see the full picture and he let it all steal his hope

Ch 8 - THE HOUSES OF HEALING

not me weeping all the way through this chapter. when I'm not laughing.

Ioreth! such a queen. no, she hasn't heard about the king coming back she's had too much to occupy her at the hospital. a legend

ok let's talk about Aragorn. he has not been sitting well with me all book because the older I get the less I like the idea of monarchy, and he spends the whole book absolutely determined to be king of Gondor. of course I spent years disliking Jackson's solution to this problem, to have Aragorn spend most of the trilogy vacillating over what he wants from his life, and I still think it's clumsy, but this time around I do sympathise with the wish to soften this part of Aragron's character. like, this is confronting stuff! but......it gets a lot better here in ROTK when we see the way he actually claims the kingship. the fact that he is SO CAREFUL to put his claim to the kingship AFTER the defence of Gondor (& Middle Earth) from Sauron, the way his kingship is evidenced not by his own demands and lineage but from his service on the battlefield and in the houses of healing, and by the acclamations and assent of the people of Gondor at all levels of society. like, if Aragorn ran for election, he would 100% get elected. (and Tolkien would have known that for much of the middle ages monarchies were, in practice at first and then in theory, elective).

anyway IORETH!!!! and Tolkien continues to drink respect women juice because turns out a literal old wife holds the key to the king's return and even Gandalf the Maia pays attention to her words.

will I be heading to a03 to find Gandalf/Ioreth rarepair fic? mmmm yes

ok but it makes me so happy that Eowyn gets a broken sword arm because this puts her in a VERY exclusive middle earth club of People Who've Suffered an Arm Injury Fighting the Dark Lord and they are Frodo the Nine-Fingered, Beren Erchamion, and Maedhros on Thangorodrim.

cannot believe that Tolkien spends half this chapter making me cry and the other half on a running joke about Aragorn trying to get his hands on some athelas

so Gandalf gives this assessment of Eowyn's character and predicament and I love it so much? like I know he's acting as Tolkien's mouthpiece here but it's still so, so nice to read a book where a male authority figure has such a perceptive and compassionate view of a female character, and lectures the other male characters on the ways they've failed her.

and again: feeling so healed and encouraged by the way all these men discuss Eowyn's unrequited feelings for Aragorn - nobody is even slightly mocking or disrespectful towards her.

anyway if proving that women can fight was important to Eowyn then killing the witch king would have fixed her, but it doesn't. her problem is depression, my case rests.

Ch 9 - THE LAST DEBATE

augh this bit with Legolas and the gulls - I never quite got it before. but even he takes a wound. for him, too, home will never really be home again after the war. and it's so, so poignant because he is immortal and so few mortal sorrows touch him.

so Aragorn, Gandalf, and Frodo are all messianic figures - king, prophet, priest - and I particularly love that Aragorn's claim to kingship is verified, as Christ's was, by signs and wonders. and somehow this is working for me? like, he could have become a king through the imposition of his will, but he's becoming king through the blessing of the Valar and the service of his people.

so Gandalf now advises our boys not to sit behind their nice walls, but to ride out on a suicidal feint to draw Sauron's attention away from Frodo. as our resident siege fancier I want to note that this is watertight military strategy. one of the few times you do abandon your siege is when you have no realistic hope of relief from other allies, which is where the forces of light are at present. if they just sit passively waiting to be besieged, without hope of reinforcements, they'll just be accepting defeat. so they ride out, but not without an ace up their sleeve in Frodo. they aren't REALLY going to ride up and knock on the front door of Mordor without any deception, which puts them ahead of most fictional armies lol.

still!!! gosh yikes it is a DESPERATE, DESPERATE measure, and Gandalf is so right - better to die seeing in a new age than by clinging to life ensure that the new age shall never come.

Ch 10 - THE BLACK GATE OPENS

wow Aragorn not again with the "yeah we're leaving you behind but chin up! you might get a chance to be slaughtered if it all goes wrong!" it was not a good pep talk the first time and it is not a good pep talk this time either

military tactics win: it's risky leaving Minas Morgul intact in their rear but at least the garrison is defeated and they break the bridge to complicate the crossing of the stream, besides leaving archers to watch for surprises

so Aragorn giving the terrified young men leave to depart is straight out of old testament law, which I love. it's another thing that's winning me over regarding his claim to the throne.

screaming because I just noticed the Mouth addresses Gandalf with the familiar "thou" oh the DISRESPECT!!!! if this is who TROP's Kemen turns out to be it will be the perfect backstory (tho I'm not sure the Mouth is old enough to be from pre-fall Numenor)

my goodness the Mouth's talking points are the same as Vladimir Putin's

it is fascinating me all the way through this book how Tolkien's prose regularly becomes purple and a bit tropey - like yes, on one hand he was definitely inventing a lot of these tropes, but on the other hand there's regularly something very very Conan the Barbarian about the style. which kind of cracks me up when I consider how it compares to, say, the Silmarillion, which is all exquisitely tasteful? idek where I'm going with this.

"the Eagles are coming!" screaming, crying etc

[ardentpoop]

my ultimate takeaway from this essay (published 2006) is that it does accurately capture how most viewers respond to sam vs dean as well as sam’s original function as the audience surrogate btwn the two brothers, but it isn’t critical enough of the show’s values - to be fair, expected for the time - and thus does not question whether its characterizations of sam as “bitchy” and “selfish” (in comparison to dean, as always) hold merit at all. it is simultaneously far too accepting of dean’s facade as something purely Aspirational for everyone in the audience.

again, to be fair to the author, this piece was written after only one season of the show had aired, but even as early on as s1 - before dean had absorbed john’s patriarchal role - there were cracks in dean’s larger-than-life facade that the same viewers he consistently distracts from sam with his Dazzlingly Masculine edge dramatically overemphasize to be able to justify their attribution of every “relatable” trait that sam demonstrates much more clearly and intentionally than dean to dean alone, as if the core contrasts between these two characters don’t affect everything about the show. I don’t think it’s accurate to claim that it’s as simple as dean is who we want to be and sam is who we really are. this assumption relies on a usually-subconscious reading of most surface-level dean traits as “good” (strong, manly) and most surface-level sam traits as “bad” (weak, girly). in fact for me personally sam is who I’ve always wanted so dearly to be but I see more of myself in dean than I would like, which makes me very sad as I am unable to gloss over the reality of dean as a monumentally flawed character who does immense damage to himself and others from his uncontested position of authority. if you view the (abuse-enabling) family structure as fundamentally good and surpassing all other forms of human connection, of course you’ll agree with dean/john and (to a lesser but still noticeable extent) the show’s writers that sam was selfish to “walk away” from it in pursuit of a life on his own terms, as opposed to seeing him as I did when I was a miserable teenager as incredibly brave and aspirational for having done so.

I’ll give them this too: the show IS to the bitter(sweet to some) end ultimately about the burden of being “sammy”; to the discerning viewer this never stopped being the case even when the writers finally let their idealization of dean’s facade lull them into swapping him into the Main Character seat in sam’s place, to the overall detriment of the story… although from what I’ve seen no dean-biased viewer would be able to point to this switch as being responsible for the lack of focus and confused emotional beats of the late seasons. the expansion of dean’s role in tandem with the shrinking of sam’s is absolutely beautiful horror for fanartists willing/able to transform the source material with an understanding of why those original surface-level dean traits were only ever amplified over time whereas the definitive surface-level sam traits that primarily existed to further idealize dean’s facade were steadily chipped away at to the point that the audience discusses “bitchy sam” as if he is a relic of the early seasons, and otherwise tends to dismiss the final canon iterations of him as so gentle and toothless as to be “boring.” mind you, this is the same audience that was numbly swayed by the narrative into believing that sam’s anger (suspicious) was a character defect while dean’s anger (righteous) was an asset, and the same audience that carried their narrative-supplied/dean-supplied idea of sam as “selfish” into the last season of the show (s8) that portrayed him pushing back against his restrictive role as “sammy.” every version of sam was doomed to inadequacy for the majority of this audience, because of sam and dean’s respective roles.

TL;DR I wish this shit was easier to summarize so you’d know why I disagree with almost everyone who comments on this show <3

[7-penguins-eat-icecream]

Dr Ratio as one of Dottore's segments fic idea

Random ass idea, i know, but hear me out: AU in which dr ratio is one of il dottore's segments who escaped into the HSR verse and was adopted by a couple in veritas prime

This idea was mainly created from a desire for a genshin x hsr crossover, but also because of how different these two scientists are. And i really love breaking cycle of abuse themes and also nature vs nurture lol.

Also this post is already pretty long and I haven't even mentioned how it would affect his relationships with HSR characters lol (i may write a part two)

Thank you to @ies999 for hearing me out :P

One day, Dottore was bored and sick of looking at looking at his manky segments, eventually deciding to create his youngest segment who would be old enough to learn and independent enough to not require constant supervision (none of the segments want to be saddled with a child) but young enough to have a very different mindset from Dottore (I'm pretty sure this is the reason why he creates segments from different ages?)

Enter the newest segment, Theta, who is stuck at nine years old and the youngest of them all by decades. He is also a slightly defective clone, looking more like their biological mother with his warmer, orange eyes and slightly straighter hair. He's overly soft, too, and nobody knows whether they were all once so weak or if the new one just came out wrong.

Theta learns, adapts and observes. Eventually, he acts in the expected way and stops crying when the other versions of himself snap at him.

---

Anyway, so Theta (who would eventually rename himself Veritas Ratio) becomes the favourite child (not exactly something you want to be when you're around men Like That). Dottore is eventually like wow teaching is fun, sometimes, and proceeds to fuck him up entirely. Theta, on the other hand, is too young to really understand morals and values and how to separate himself from his creator. But even he knows that the day where he is no longer endearing to Dottore, nothing good will come out of it. He learns to give the answers that make Dottore smile at him rather than berate him.

The other segments like to gossip about the one who came before (Eta), who was the Akademiya segment and killed Sohre. Eta, when he came back to the segments, was weak and pathetic and guilt ridden. Naturally they disposed of him (why have such a liability and waste time wondering if that segment would defect when they'd all rather pursue knowledge, no matter what it takes.)

Even though Theta does not have the words to describe his fear, he makes up for it in being Dottore's little lab assistant, even if he's only passing the tools around and watching as Dottore dissects his newest patients. Dottore is a very good teacher.

---

"This is why you're my favourite," Dottore whispered theatrically, knowing that all the other segments would hear him. Theta wordlessly handed over the scalpel, trying not to shake as the other ones stared him down. "You're so obedient, unlike the others."

At those words, his nervousness faded and Theta smiled and Dottore smiled back, teeth sharpened but genuine. They all knew Dottore had a different smile he used on a daily basis. This one, however, was reserved just for Theta.

---

A connection between Theta and Scaramouche: both defective clones, both deemed too soft by their creators (only Theta is able to 'prove himself') and both of them are wary of Dottore but would never, ever admit it.

When Scara first meets Theta, he is disgusted by the sight of that man's facial features twisted into fake innocence. On the other hand, he has a soft spot for children. They kinda become friends (or rather, Theta would gladly call him his friend where Scara refuses to become close to another human, especially one of Dottore's segments). Scara is the one to tell him that he could defy his creator and become a separate person, albeit in a very roundabout way.

When Theta becomes Veritas, he dyes his hair the same shade of purple as Scaramouche's, desperate to separate himself from his creator and become closer to the only one who did not see him as an extension of Dottore.

---

Due to being raised in a very medical malpractice loving family, Theta initially has no moral compass and has difficulties empathising with anything, especially when anyone can see and deem him as a possible liability.

One day, something finally snaps in him and he vows to become the opposite of his father: to become a healer, rather than a scientist who puts his own thirst for anything and everything before healing. He calls himself Veritas, truth, because he wants to find out the truth of his existence - was he doomed to become just like Dottore? Could he ever find out who he was at the core?

After escaping and several years of therapy and a loving set of parents, Veritas learns about himself and realises that he's not just trying to be nice out of spite, but also because he actually wants to be a decent person. He eventually wants to become a teacher, and a scientist second. He also has a soft spot for ducklings and birds in general. (Even after all of this, a very large insecure part of him is absolutely terrified that he will become just like his creator.)

---

Extra notes:

Theta never aging both physically and cognitively (like the other segments), but I was toying around with the idea that the seal keeping him young is destroyed when Dottore gets rid of all of the segments. However, he would already be in another universe and only the seal is broken, he does not die. He gets a very strange case of heart failure that nobody can explain (and Veritas plans on keeping it that way.) when he is only "nine". Afterwards, he begins to grow and go through puberty then adulthood. He is paranoid about looking exactly like Dottore when he grows up, so he impulsively dyes his hair.

As a warning not to be annoying, the other segments just drag Veritas into an operating room and force him to learn biology through a very hands on method (dissection on another defective segment?). Baby's first science experiment yay!

How does he escape? Maybe he trips and goes to the abyss Childe style then takes a couple of detours into the HSR verse.

Manner of speaking: Dottore as casually cruel (like he will mess with you mentally just to see your reactions and uses his words as a weapon, even though most of it flies over Theta's head) and impolite, Vertias becoming blunt but not necessarily unkind, has a good sense of politeness and sometimes elects to ignore that.

Effects of living Like That: idk Theta constantly keeping tears at bay at the beginning only to later become laser focused on his survival by hiding away any type of emotion. So numb that the kindness of his new parents and Professor Rond scare him more than mind games - at least he knows Dottore and how he works.

Names: i just think that it's funny how Zandik means heretic. Even more connections between Scara and Veritas throwing away their old names and identity too.

Medical malpractice time! Maybe Theta saw and helped out in some of the Eleazar experiments, unable to really understand what he was doing from an emotional perspective. Seeing that the other children were less likely to struggle with another child with them, Dottore encourages Theta to spend time with them, luring them into a false sense of security. (Dottore never gives a clear answer when Theta asks where his new friends went.)

[waihtie]

I am EXCITED

Season 5 Episode 4 - The End

○ CAS'S STANCE lmao

They're talking about the Colt. Cas heard that the demons still have it

(I have no idea what happened to it, I'll have to go back and read who had it last) (okay, just looked, last I could see was s3 when Bela sold it, I'm guessing I'm missing a situation in between there?)

CAS STANDING On the side of the road for presumably 4+ hours lmao

○ Sam calling Dean to tell him about that Lucifer update. They prob haven't talked since they split

"I want back in for starters"

Sam wants to track Lucifer down and kill him

Dean's skeptical about Sam + revenge

There's still so much pain there. Dean telling Sam they need to stay away from eachother. They're better off apart. Both sides would try to use the other to get to them

"Bye, Sam"

○ Dean woke up in a post-apocalyptal world

It's 2014, 5 years in the future from our Dean's timeline

A Croatoan virus infested one

○ Zachariah just pops into the Impala, nonchalantly, reading a newspaper

Ha Zachariah had to place people around to give him Dean's location bc of his ribs (specifically a bible preaching guy on the street)

He says he's keeping Dean here for 3 days

○ Ha Dean meeting Dean

○ Dean canonically likes wearing pink satin panties. Now that's something

Why would Dean ask other Dean to say something only he would know when most of the time, the things looking like other people can see their memories?

○ No Bobby. No Sam.

Endverse Dean hasn't talked to Sam since what happened in our Dean's this morning

○ I've never seen anyone else say it, so is it just me who finds Chuck kinda...

Like, he's pretty cute?

○ So is Chuck asking stupid questions about supplies and stuff bc Zachariah formed this world, so he made Chuck the way he perceives him?

This only works if this isn't actually a real future timeline

Otherwise that's just Chuck being extra dick-ish

Like bro, do something.

Just casually asks about supplies he damn knows well what to do about.

(this'll only make sense if you know what happens in S11)

○ Okay, a few notes

1. Cas winking at Dean is beautiful

2. I've never wanted to be in an apocalyptic world so bad

3. Cas immediately being able to tell Dean isn't from his timeline is so special to me

4. The hair and the slightly longer stubble have me weak in all kinds of places

No, you

○ Dean's pissed at Dean

○ Woah 2014 Dean just aquired the Colt

"Tonight, I'm gonna kill the Devil"

○ Cas laughing at 2009 Dean being a little shit to 2014 Dean is also special to me

And again

"What? I like past you"

○ Cas pointing out all the issues with Dean's deadly plan, but says "of course" instantly when Dean asks if he's coming 🩷🩷🩷

Cas is just going along with everything grumpy old 2014 Dean says. I need him.

I wonder if Cas knew about our Dean right away bc he had an ounce of personality or hope or something

○ Sam said yes, so Lucifer is wearing him

2014 Dean is going to kill him

He's telling 09 Dean that when he gets back, he needs to say yes to Michael, so none of this happens. Begging, actually

I'll probably be wondering later, so: Being Michael's vessel aids in the apocalypse bc Michael vs Lucifer would be a huge battle that would cause a lot of damage.

"Half the planet is better than no planet"

○ Cas being absolutely hopeless is so hot

The drugs. The orgies. The guru stuff.

○ 2014 Dean sending people unknowingly into a trap as a decoy.

'14 Dean ended up being killed by Samifer anyways

Kinda digging it

He's missing the Lucifer charm, tho

Not that I like Luci, but idk how else to describe his snarky, happy, deviance

Samifer is great separate from the other Lucifer versions, tho. Hot.

Always loved Jared's eye shape and brow bone.

○ Zachariah is doing a lot to prove his point. Is that a real future, or something Zachariah concocted? Can he even do that?

○ Cas pulling Dean away from Zachariah

"That's pretty nice timing, Cas"

"We had an appointment" adorable.

He missed his Cas

○ Yay he's calling Sam.

Endverse!Dean tried everything, and couldn't stop what was happening, so his solution was to get this Dean to say yes. Even he knew '09 Dean would never.

'09 Dean is doing what the other never did - get Sam back in. That'll be the difference.