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godnectar · 10 months

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I NEED YAN SANTA

might actually do subverting for christmas if I think nicely about it 😼👌

#nectar's rambling #anon message #♡ anon #saying it bc rn idk what else to say about him #but I might go crazy some random day with the jd and brain will start braining like always yk #will see #godnectar #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere santa

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thelastharbinger · 1 year

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Tidbits of ATSV That I Enjoyed (Or Alternatively: Just Miles Being The Most Endearing Spidey Ever)

Miles patting The Spot's head after successfully webbing him (I don't see this as condescending, but rather him still engaging with the humanity of a villain like Spot) and ~very assertively~ telling/asking him not to escape.

"I'm like Robin Hood-if he gave to himself."

Miles' spidey senses going off when he arrives late to his dad's party because there's nothing more frightening than Brown parents when they're mad at you. Beware the chancla or correa!

O.k. So we all know there are different versions of the movie out there. You may already know that one of the slight differences is when Miles goes to save Inspector Singh. There's a version where you can hear Gwen's voice in the distant background yelling no! when she thinks Miles gets crushed under the rubble, and there's another where she's silent as she webs to him. Now, I have found ANOTHER version (online) where her shouting is even more at the forefront. She's practically screaming and sounds more desperate, (prolly because it's close to the same way her Peter Parker died so she's reliving trauma) and the fear in her voice is palpable. That one haunts me.

Jefferson trying to equate studying for his police exams to childbirth, which Rio quickly nips in the bud.

Ganke having a soccer poster of Son Heung Min, a famous Korean footballer who currently plays for the Premier League Tottenham Hotspur and is captain of the South Korean national team.

Miles having a Sashimi (his universe's version of Supreme, but I just like the idea that Miles loves eating sashimi. Like I know that kid has good taste in food) poster in his bedroom.

The fact that Miles kept in touch with Aunt May for long enough after the events of ITSV that he helps her move.

The Spot saying he was one of the more handsome scientists at Alchemax according to his colleagues.

Miles and Gwen having the same collectible toys, the only difference being that he keeps his in the box and she doesn't.

"Hey, don't try to wow me with big words, man," *in deep manly voice* "I do crosswords every day"- Miles after Spot points out Alchemax as "the crucible of our connection!"

Miles going, "This job is so dumb sometimes" after he tries to web Spot at the deli, but it goes through a hole and lands on his face.

"Nahhh, he seems more Dominican to me." Kinda want Miles to meet a native Dominican Spidey because that dynamic would highkey fuck hard *pun not intended*. They would repair relations between our two islands-PR&DR.

"Almost there Mami *smiley face* *cowboy* prayer hands*"

The college admissions coach at Visions Academy straight up saying, "That's your story! Now, just stick to the script..." Ma'am what???

"Calmate Mami, eso no es my fault."

"I've hit a lot of different villains with a lot of different food...I'm just trying to lighten the mood."

Miles in his angsty teen era and smart-mouthing everyone around him. Love that for him.

"He almost killed his mom as a baby, I mean, look at those shoulders." No but for real tho. Those shoulders are as wide as a truck. Kim Seokjin who??? (if you understood that reference, ily).

Miles writing a love letter to his dad in 2 cakes.

Gwen at the water tower chowing and saying how feelings make her hungry after her and Miles talked about how they can't be together cause it would end in tragedy. Like Gwen, come again?!

Also, Miles' and Gwen's talk at the Williamsburg Bank Building being lowkey the catalyst for the 2nd/3rd acts of the film. Without them both kind of silently admitting their feelings for each other, Miles probably wouldn't have chased after her the way he did. Pretty sure you know the rest.

"I bet she doesn't even speak Spanish," and Jeff going "Que barbaridad" in his very broken Spanish. Queue Rio's bombastic side eye.

Both Gwen and Miles referring to Spot as a Villain Of The Week, even though neither of them have spoken about Spot to each other.

"I was bitten by a-wouldnt you like to know? Know what I mean?" SIR. Chill. This movie is for children.

The Spot inverting himself, going from a white mass with black spots to a gaping black hole with smaller white spirals. It's giving Junji Ito.

The irony of Pavitr exclaiming, "Well that was another easy adventure for Spider-Man!" right before an incoming canon event. HIS. He was about to experience his first big loss, and his happy-go-lucky nature would've been challenged.

Miguel saying conyo! when all the Spideys start pointing at each other.

"!Cállate!" "Nosy!" Sidebar: we don't talk about Gwen's banter with bad guys enough. She's so funny!

A lot of the Peters saying hi to Gwen as she passes HQ because she is canonically the one lost love--the love interest they all would've ended up with had she not died, so they all have an affection for her.

Web-Slinger going "Giddy up!" Cause he's swinging up.

Miles offering his fresh new takes on how to deal with the Spot upon meeting Miguel, saying "He just wants to be taken seriously. Like we all do." MILES YOU BEAUTIFUL, COMPASSIONATE GOLDEN SUNFLOWER BOY I LOVE YOUUUUU.

Hobie referring to Peter B. as Humbling Reality Spider-Man, which considering how steeped in tragedy the Spidey lore is, is really saying something.

Miguel's nonono no puedo más no puedo más. His misery is very funny and delightful to me. Little bitch ass.

"You know you're the only Spider-Man who isn't funny." Yes! More Miguel slander in the next one, please! Little bitch ass.

"Snitch!"

Miles shouting out Peter's name for help whilst Miguel pins and lays into him the fact that he's an anomaly. This after he momentarily glitches back to his ITSV store-bought suit. Mimicking the way-in also the first movie-Miles shouting out Peter's name for his own rescue as Doc Ock attacks him at the research facility. Because even though he feels hurt by Peter at this point, that's still his dad mentor and he still instinctively looks to him for protection. Rip my heart out why don't you!

Gwen sneaking back into her and her dad's place just to get that printed polaroid of her and Miles, a pic she already has on her phone.

Earth-42 Miles wearing Nike while our Miles wears Jordans.

#hi. ive seen this movie 8x in theaters and twice on pirating sites. i am unwell #also sorry not sorry for the miguel slander. i am a miles loyalist thru and thru thst bitch is on thin ice #but also literally can't get over gwen “it really is so nice to get to talk to you. me & him its different. in every other universe...stacy #cause directly underneath that she's actually saying. “i missed you. and what i have with you i literally do not have with anyone else and.#you dont know this but ive met hundreds and thousands of spiderpeople. nd even in my friendship with hobie its not like what i have with yo #and im actually really smitten with you. the one person i shouldn't be smitten with bc there is no happy ending for us. and idk...#if i should hold off. and im letting you know all this so that you can decide for me. whether to take that lesp of faith or not with you. &#hope that say yes and make the first move so that i cant but help to just sink into you.“#AND IT MAKES SENSE! SHE MET HIM JUST AS HE WAS LIVING THROUGH AN EXPERIENCE SHE DID. OF BECOMING SPIDEY. AND RIGHT AFTER #SUFFERING THE GREATEST TRAGEDY OF HER LIFE WHICH SHE WAS ABOUT TO BEAR WITNESS THRU WITH HIM. SHE WAS THERE FOR HIS UNCLE DYING AND WATCHED #HIM BECOME SPIDERMAN. WE FORGET THAT THEY ACTUALLY WENT THRU SOME HEAVY THINGS TOGETHER. THEYRE TRAUMABONDED. I KNOW THATS NOT WHAT THAT WO #ACTUALLY MEANS. BUT IT MAKES SENSE THAT SHE CAN ONLY TALK TO MILES BC THEY PERFECTLY UNDERSTAND EO.#anyways idk why im shouting. im high rn. but crazy how all of that meaning was subtly thrown in there. like we got a confession scene folks #from gwen of all people! i love that for me.#also back to miguel: so i know he's hot. but if a hot person were to ever be rude to a waiter we agree theyre no longer hot right? right.#atsv #miles morales #itsv #miguel o'hara #the spot #ghostflower #gwiles #gwen stacy #ghost spider #gwen x miles #rio morales #across the spider verse #into the spider verse

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zxxalta · 4 months

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#i used to say yes #usually is say no but now that I'm thinking about it I don't really know rn #looking at the meaning of bootlicker i would say no...maybe I would call him something else idk what word I would use tho #bc some if yall really be trying to villainize him #anyway imma come back and talk about is some more tmmr #naruto #poll #naruto uzumaki

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magentagalaxies · 3 months

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always found this little parallel between how scott speaks about buddy cole vs danny husk fascinating:

(top quote is from this 2017 vulture interview, bottom quote is from paul myers' 2018 book "one dumb guy")

'he's smarter than me. braver than me. he's better than me'' vs ''danny may not be the smartest or the bravest but he's a very decent man''

#on its own this is a cool (probably unintentional) echo of how scott talks about two of his biggest characters #but of course being the buddy-cole-documentary person and the only person who's mentioned scott's ptsdiva podcast to him upon first meeting #(true fact he hadn't heard anyone mention that podcast since it finished releasing and that was a big part of my first impression)#i'm so excited to hopefully dig into the deeper implications of this #bc throughout scott's career he's used buddy as a way to process his thoughts on a variety of topics and to speak his mind #BUT. after he recovered from his cancer. he didn't immediately launch another buddy cole side project like he did so many times #(and i mean MANY times that's why i have a whole goddamn timeline for buddy cole side projects)#no. after he recovered from cancer he wrote the *danny husk* graphic novel #and there's also an interview from around that time (i can't find it rn but i know i have it bookmarked) where he low key blames buddy cole #for how he's always been typecast as the gay-best-friend. which while buddy cole is proudly a stereotype #he's still the exact opposite of that trope bc he has agency. and that's why scott made so many buddy cole side projects #while he was paying the bills with gay-best-friend roles in the late 90s #so what was it in this case that made him go ''actually i don't want to write from the perspective of someone who's better than me''#and embrace a bit of danny husk energy?#i haven't read his danny husk graphic novel yet but i do have some theories #but idk actively theorizing on here (especially as someone who is friends with scott) feels a bit too far so i'm gonna leave it at this #a cool parallel. an interesting timeline pattern. an indication of one of the questions from my next interview #i would say ''i wonder if anyone else has noticed this'' but come on jess you're the only one who would have seen both these things

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delicatetaysversion · 1 year

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spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

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i-am-church-the-cat · 8 months

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Is it racism? Is that what’s happening?

#why don’t people think carlos is a good driver?#what else does he have to do?#he was the only non-rb race winner of 2023 #like am i missing something does that just not matter to y’all?#he was ahead of charles last year and 6 points behind him this year #like he’s not struggling pookie!#background to this is that i saw a video saying that if carlos went to rb in 2025 the ferrari rb battle would be legendary #and some people were like ‘verstappen and sainz family aren’t allowed anywhere near each other’#which is real #and some people said that carlos can’t compete with max #which is also real bc max is out of everyone’s league rn #but some people were straight up like ‘carlos wouldn’t matter at all’#like ? excuse?#max and carlos have about the same skill differential as hamilton and charles #sorry to tell you #atp idk what else it could be #the only thing different between carlos and charles is that one’s a race winner and the other one is white #idk all the beef with european racial dynamics but WHY #WHY DO YALL HATE CARLOS

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ryuseitai · 2 months

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so nervuos for tmrw bc im seeing my cousin

#i love her so much But #Its my dads side of the family and i dont see them often at all and everything is always so awkward and #they dont know i dropped out of school and everytime my grandpa sees me he asks about school #and i havent seen him since before i Would have graduated this past may #like i would be graduated hs right now but #im not SO IF AYNYNE ASKS ABOUT IT IM GONNA LOSE ITTTT #god #hopefully my grandparents just wont be there Idk why they would bc im just going to hang w my cousin #but they tend to jumpscare me sometimes when i go out to see her #Gahhhgaaahhhhhahhaooouuoououou #i could just tell the truth bc idec about them knowing i dropped out its just embarrassing bc i lied for so long #buti just did bc when i first stopped going to school my mom told me not to tell anyone on that side of the fmaily..so..#i dont think shed care anymore either but its just been so long and ive never told them Augh #and my grandpa really wants me to go to college which i straight up just dont wanna do. not rn at least #and id need to get my ged first which ive been procrastinating on the entiire year Oopsies #my aunt always tells me not to listen to him thoughand that i dont have to go to college if i dont want to i am grateful for her..#shes always protective of me from him LOL i love my grandpa and he means well and stuff but #he will just say anything #and he always makes me cry in public or at family gatherings bc he starts talking to me about my dad #i knowppl just aska bout like school and plans for the future and stuff bc they care but i wish they wouldnt bc i do not know anything #i dont know a single thing about how my future is going to go or what i even want it to be or how im going to live and its stressful enough #already when im not being interrogated about it #Like lets just talk about something else. Lets talk about enstars #Isnt it crazy that shinobu has gone going on 15 months without a new 5*?..i think its a little crazy and i miss him

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lovelornnobodyknows · 4 months

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#personal #point post #hi! still sick. obvi #this isn't about that #i've just been veeeeeeery emotional today and idk if it's a combination of just. me being sick and a crybaby #and also it being my dad's birthday and missing him #but this isn't about that either necessarily. its just. i want to keep this somewhere bc i feel i can't tell anyone #it kinda goes against what i've always believed in? and at the same time not like i'm not sure. it's just something that its on my mind #but if there was one person i had to marry in my life it would be my boyfriend #and like yeah sure everyone says that about their current relationship but. not me #like ive never believed in marriage etc etc im not getting into that rn #but sometimes i see people getting married and their ceremonies and like. getting a ring #and i feel like i want that with him #it kinda goes away when i think about how much everything costs jdhfs but the sentiment is there. idk #and don't ask me why im crying rn bc i don't know! this is what i mean! must be me being sick + an emotional date like today #also i do think this is tied to something else but i'm not going to get into that rn bc i don't want to keep crying! bye!

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waywardsalt · 7 months

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ive spent like 20 minutes trying to world this eloquently but i give up; im a big fan of linebeck just. not being capable of watching over kids not the person to be the guardian of a group of young people he struggles to take care of himself at times and has so much shit going on that it takes about one conversation with oshus for the old man to realize that this guy is. not doing great

#this was gonna be like. a jokey post at first juxtaposing oshus’ expectations vs reality with linebeck but im too emotionally drained #so real linebeck talk in the tags bc idk if ive actually talked much abt like. the specific as on why. iwrite and see him the way i do #likr. off the bat i put him at like 19 in ph and im too fucking tired and just. done rn to justify that like whatever kill me if you wish.#like. hes. been throught a lit hes been abused neglected used ignored hurt ridiculed violated deceived hes so fucking tired #hes worn down over the course of ph it causes him to finally like. express his anguish over what hes been theough its cathartic #hes getting pushed but talking to oshus and being around link loosens him up and he fucking. cries properly yknow #he cries about everything and the last bit of ph hes kind of an emotional wreck but hes finally letting himself feel all that shit #he cries he struggles to articulate himself he has a violent public meltdown as he becomes fed up with his reputation #and it all culminates in bellumbeck just. being a really raw examination of what hes been through and how he feels and what to do now #he hates people he has people he wants to kill people he wanted to kill but after bellumbeck its just. hes tired. hes processed everythjng #and then he needs the post ph crew and everyone they meet along the way to just. be a fucking support system for the first time ever #like post ph hes rhe captain he runs the ship he keeps everyone in line he can do that. but hes softer more vulnerable more self doubting #hes kinder and more hesitant but trying new things and being more openly passionate abt his interests #and he keeps working through his trauma he finds out what else it causes problems for and everyone. supports him #hes not capable of like. being any kind of parental figure to link in ph his perspective on like. how to handle kids is fucked #because his perspective on what a normal childhood should look like is kind of a mess #his perspective on relationships is murky on love on adventure on self expression but post ph hes just. free. tired but free #he manages to take naps the group helps him eat properly he learns his physical boundaries and actually does what he loves #idk. im just. man idk. its still measy but like. my version of linebeck is. i really hate the idea that its so out of character its not him #like. idfk what to even say abt that. idfk what ‘in character’ looks like when you hc a character to be masking in canon #when you hc them to be lying and covering things up and just. subdued bc theyre working on stuff #that they lie and exaggerate their own traits on purpose but let the truth through some cracks like what rhe fuck then #i hate it bc i dont see anyone else think of linebeck anything like this so im scared im fucking wrong somehow #im tired. i recently learned that one of my cats has been burrowing under and chilling under a blanket we cover a couch with #its very cute

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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 8 months

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imo everyone on earth should be talking about Him (don't want this showing up in the tag even though it's not a diss) but everytime i go to the tag and there's only like 3 new posts i'm like. oh yeah almost no one cares except me and like 5 other ppl on here

i ran out of tags KFHSJENNXN i don't think that's literally ever happened to me before anyways don't read them because it's just me being insane as per usual

#most of his indirects on twitter are from people in diff asian countries as well and ik he's doing an asia tour soon(?)#bruh he's never coming back to the usa is he 😭😭😭 i need him in chicago i miss him so bad #i feel very ugly emotionally rn still bc i was reading all of the rando ass dating rumors of him last night LMAO and it pissed me off #i know i have no right to get mad and i'm being irrational but at the same time like. everyone is just like 'omg he's so in love rn'#bc his music has been very angsty and like. idk... conflicted? but his new song was very happy and sweet and very In Love Sounding #and i already know all his music is about one person bc he always talks about the same shit (he's very predictable i see right thru him)#and he's putting out a new song called 'shining' and he has been talking abt a person being his light/shining on him for the last 7yrs atp #so like. that's how i know it's about one specific person and i don't think he has moved on LMAOOO so unless he was dating the same random #7yrs ago i don't think he's dating any of the people they bring up tbh... i pay attention to these things not to brag or anything but like #being attentive to the people i love and noticing inconsistincies in their behavior and when they act diff is like. the only skill i have #at least irt other people LMAO like honestly i wrote all the lyrics he ever wrote down in a google doc and it shows a clear trajectory #that starts like... innocently and just gets more fucked up and toxic as it goes. and ppl say he's one of the most sane ppl they know #meanwhile he's been writing songs about 1 person for nearly 10 years and they get progressively more desperate and insane #I'M JUST SAYING. i completely forgot what my original point was but i guess it was most likely that. no one pays attention to him like i do #the songs started being about this person at the same time i started liking him and having dreams about meeting him btw #and they got progessively more uh. spiteful and desperate and weird as the years went on. did i mention i cast a spell on him 😐#and he literally says shit like 'it's impossible for me to move on' 'i don't care about anyone else' 'it's like i'm possessed' etc #and after we met at his concert he got really into saying shit like 'that one night wasn't enough' and 'the spotlight between us'#&the ever-famous 'i like the way you look at me' 'my eyes are on you' 'focus on me just look at me' when all i did was look at him all night #if you're reading this right now and thinking 'celeste do you seriously believe a kpop guy has been writing songs about you for 7 years?'#you should remember who i am and how i reacted to ***** having a gf (that i guessed exactly right months before he revealed it)#i'm schizophrenic 🤷‍♀️ but the guy i'm into was the one who started my fascination with soulmates and destiny and fate and shit like that #you know it's funny i mention that because he also started writing about that!!!!! in his songs!!! crazy #and he talks about the person making it hard for him to sleep and wanting to meet them in his dreams again and whathaveyou #i mean even in his two newest title tracks he says 'i'm frustrated in the studio the only melody that comes out is for you' and #'i want to turn everything about you into a song' in the newest one... hm.#and btw he announced his album right when i admitted i was in love with him again to my family (they know my insanity LMAO)#and he releases a song about being happy and in love and listening for someone's voice from far away to reach him/vice versa?????#right when i get back into him???#it's my fave color & his fave color & he's releasing it in my birth month like. i know billions of coincidences are a thing but it's crazy

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swordmaid · 8 months

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just got the durge reveal..!!! screamnnn it’s saur good when you actually have a durge specific character and not just an au of the char you previously made lol. anyway I’m just imagining yves admitting that she’s one of bhaal’s children and then her going like oh btw I was his bride too 🧍‍♀️

#I was watching corpse bride earlier (bc of yves lol. it’s inspo) and now I have a vision #of yves wearing her old vein again (gifted by gortash) maybe in her old dress but idk if she’ll manage to find that #but anyway yves in her old veil walking back to bhaal’s temple with her flail humming here comes the bride #it’s a whole ass visual in my head ok LIKE THE girls who gets it gets it ‼️‼️‼️#but I’m like 🤭🤭 at the reveal then waking up to jaheira watching you #bc yves is not revealing anything!!! she’s not saying that she’s gonna turn away from bhaal nor is she saying she’s gonna embrace him #she’s being very sly rn… keeping her cards close to her chest …#her dialogues are getting more calculated too… unlike in act 1 where she was mindlessly following whatever people were telling her #(like she literally smeared shit on her face lol) she’s now being very careful of what she says …#and I just imagine her demeanour changing completely after the reveal … she’s not that naive cleric anymore she’s someone else entirely ….#her eyes are hardened she is more shrewd and reserved … but there’s moments where she lets her guard down #and she becomes that sweet girl again ..#anyway start of act 3 is yves starting to plot…!! and to scheme ..!!! 🤭#/IM/ particularly excited bc I’ve been planning to do this particular thing and it’s the sole reason why I’m doing her playthrough #so I hope it works out LMFAO like I’m hyped for it personally feels like a fitting climax to her story #shut up about bg3.#bg3 spoilers

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radiotorn · 4 months

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having to restrain from saying anything when my dad dares to say that men get paid LESS than women. in what world. are you out of your fucking mind old man.

#ow.err #IN WHAT WORLD ARE MEN PAID LESS THAN WOMEN.#like. i shouldnt be surprised he said that bc he watched and/rew t/ate and jo/e rog/an so like. of fucking course he'd think that.#but like dude. you have no idea what youre talking about.#and there is NO WAY im gonna even try to tell him otherwise bc he is. loud. yk.#im just gonna. leave that there. bc its not my responsibility to 'fix' my parents as much as id love to try.#its just not my responsibility. and itll prob just end in me getting screamed at anyways since they wont listen to me or anything i say #cuz im still a kid in their eyes ! ! ! !!!! ! ! so cool ! ! ! ! ! !#almost 20. father doesnt think i know how to wake myself up w/o being woken up by someone else.#SO INSULTING BTW. i always get up on time. no matter what. nearly 20 and he thinks im a fking child still #both my mom and dad do but my dad does it in an 'underestimating' me way and my mom does it in a 'tries to overly coddle me' way #you know? i dunno. i dunno. i wanna move out but money is so fked rn. and idk how to do like. anything. so im just...#gonna do my classes and try to get a nice job and save up for awhile before i actually move out to my own place #im also kind of scared bc idk if ill have the. will to care for myself once i move out. like im worried ill just let myself die #sso. things to. work on before i get out of here i guess. but the thing is this environment will not let me heal. ahhh !!!!!!!!!#the only way out is through!!! through and scared!!!!!!!!!!!! tmrw marks the start of my life potentially starting to change. for the bette #but still changing. and oh man. im very nervous. its scary #cuz like. i didnt think id live past like 12 ??? so to be almost 20 and very behind on 'adult things' is. scary?daunting?#it all almost feels unreal. like im reaching a part of my life i never thought id actually reach. it feels like ive been living on #borrowed time since 12 so now im like. damn i have to live dont i. i have to actively make this life worth living now #some days i still worry itll be my last but ... im just gonna try to take it one step at a time. its all i can do.#be as prepared as i can. and take it one step at a time. i clutch onto the hope that my life will get better #and i clutch onto it with an iron grip. because damn it. it has to get better than this. it has to.#wow this got derailed. oh well my poast my rules.

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voulezloux · 4 months

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#proceed at your own risk i’m back again w/ more shit #had to text my therapist today bc i had like #come to the realization that i was craving the pain that i got when i used to sh #i’m not an active harm to myself i wouldn’t do it again and im not suicidal #but i just had this intense need to have the same pain i got when i sh’d #& scared my mom <3 & she told me to text my therapist <3 #she told me to journal and idk how to fucking do that #so i have trauma workbooks coming in tomorrow as well as a copy of wreck this journal #i figured wrecking the journal would be the closest i can get to sh without actually doing it #idk my life fucking sucks rn and i want things to be fucking done i want to be future me not going through this #i feel like i’m being too dependent on bean for comfort and like that’s fucking dumb #i feel bad for just not being okay even tho i know it’s okay to not be okay especially rb #i also just knwo #that my dad is waiting for me to come back to him #hat in hand and tail between my legs to apologize for being mean to him :-(#bc obviously i’m the one who did everything wrong!#i hate being the 7 year old hiding in the pantry #i’ve been hiding in the pantry my whole life to make my dad comfortable #it also hurts to read back on the screenshots and see that my dad just doesn’t give a fuck about me #like i’m not purposely doing it but i have to remember detials when i talk about it to my mom #and it’s just a big ol reminder that my dad didn’t refute any part of my texts #that said i never felt like i was important to him or that i was an afterthought or i wasn’t a priority to him #like he cherry picked things he responded to #he focused on me calling my sister the favorite child and the park i chose instead of like #literally anything else #he apologized for making me feel like an afterthought but never told me that i wasn’t one to him which ig is nitpicky #but he never once in any of the messages tries to comfort me or reassure me that what i was saying wasn’t true #plus he threw in my face that HES been through trauma and he was just SHARING his childhood with his KIDS #like thanks dad! say it with your whole chest you don’t give a fuck about what you did to me! or the affect it’s had on me #he ‘didn’t want to trigger me’ but dude you fucking made things right with your EX WIFE and not your fucking SON

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no-one-hears-me · 1 year

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I don't have an ed my heart rate is slow bc I'm so athletic

#I was on my high school track team so I'm basically a professional runner #I ran like 2 weeks ago so I still got it #pretty sure I still got the lingering quad injury too tbh. that never healed and I also never rested it #too busy dominating at every meet to stop lifting and practicing #I couldn't walk properly in school btw. but it's cool as long as I won my races #but that's in the past #my continously decreasing heart rate is due to my current athleticism ofc even tho I don't run regularly #I need to bc I miss it but it's not as enjoyable when you feel dizzy and faint the whole time #yk what else I miss? my ex <3 #I was thinking about texting him but it's his bestie's birthday so he's prob partying rn #and liiiikeeeee. I wouldn't say no to a drunk convo with him <3 but that would be past my bedtime #I'll wait a couple days and see if I'm still in my feelings about him. and I will be bc I always miss him and think about him daily #he misses me more btw. he tells me. and I'm too cool for feelings and emotions so I never tell him anything #anyways. I wanna ask my friend to hang out but he didn't text me back yet idk what he's doing #he hasn't been active in an hour tho so idk. he's home which is odd for a Friday night #whatever I made cookies but idk who to give them to #ed #idk if this needs a tw tho but just in case #Sera

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lesbeamofsunshine · 1 year

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in a really fucked up way its absolutely fucking infuriating being like "whaa I have nothing to live for" while quite literally having something to live for

#literally my sister is getting married and im a bridesmaid and i have bridesmaid responsibilities and im actually looking forward to seeing #my extended family again but rn im also like!!!! fuck!!! im so fucking depressed i wanna fucking kill myself #!!!!! but actually i dont bc im excited for things but nobody cares about me except they do bc theyre also excited about what im doing!!!!!#but theres also other shit going on rn thats making everything else hella stressful and uncertain but if/when we figure it out itll be such #a fucking relief!!!!!!! but in the meantime it FUCKING SUCKS and whaaa no one cares about me or anything else but im trying so fucking hard #to GET them to care and if i dont who will!!!!!!!!!! nobodys gonna do it like me!!!! im trying so fucking hard and its fucking exhausting #but if i can do it itll be worth it. but also part of me wants to say fuck it and resort to murdering my f*ther bc then we'd never have to #deal with him again! what bliss!! but i would sooooo not get away with it and prison sounds like fucking hell so unfortunately if i did #resort to that i would have to kill myself as well so im NOT gonna do that but ohhhhh god do i want to. i wanna murder that man soooooo bad #you have no fucking idea. BUT thats also a terrible option so im not doing that even though the fact that i have literally never killed that #man is also fucking infuriating!!!!!!!!!! ugh anyway whatever idk what im doing with this. life sucks blah blah whatever #my post

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formulafics · 11 months

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★ THE JPG CHRONICLES | PT. 1

Scenario: in which everyone’s favorite reserve driver opens a jpg account and it’s not what anyone expected.

Pairing: f1 grid x fem!reader

A/N: welcome to part one of a brand new series! i know right now this probably makes no sense and seems random but i promise it’ll make more sense as i add parts - it’s meant to be silly. i hope you enjoy!

PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4