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embrassemoi · 3 years

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Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 29

Pairings: Sirius B, F!Reader, Remus L Warnings: Language, angst, insecurities, blood, darkish thoughts (self-hatred), fighting, violence Author's Note: heavy chap. if you’re having a bad day, take a moment, be kind to yourself and put off reading this until you feel better 💜

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Chapter 29: That Pet You Just Couldn't Keep

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Remus woke up to a bright, white light. He squinted, head lolling to the side of his lumpy pillow. The chair near his bedside was empty, saved from a pitcher of water along with a few potions Madam Pomfrey must’ve left for him, were placed on the stand beside his bed.

Something wasn’t right. Peter or one of the other Marauders were always there waiting for him after his transformations.

Too hot for a blanket in June, he ripped off his covers and noticed the bumpy, large material hiding beneath his nightgown. He licked his lips, letting air whistle down his dry throat while a sharp, burning sensation flooded his abdomen. Remus winched, groaning out while stretching to drink the potions and water. Although, as he brought the glass vials to his lips, he noticed that his arm was littered with scratches and bruises. Curious, he lifted the slit of the gown to see a large wrapping across his lower stomach and bruises in the shape of lopsided circles and rectangles travelling across his body.

Remus felt his face scrunch. Ever since the Marauders had become animaguses, he hardly sustained any injuries aside from the occasional limp or flimsy scratch. There was usually an absence of pain nowadays, not an overload of it.

What caught his attention was the scent of human blood. His senses were always heightened the week leading up to the full moon and the week following, so it was particularly strong. It caused his head to spin like planets performing a celestial dance.

Preoccupied with the scent, Remus didn’t notice someone slipping into the room.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” A fuzzy Peter came into view. He went to sit on the edge of his bed sporting a nervous look.

“Was wondering where you were.” Remus relaxed at his appearance.

“Yeah… Erm — been busy.”

Soon enough, another sharp pain stabbed at his abdomen again. “Fuck — what happened last night?”

Wormtail sucked in sharply as he wiggled in his seat uncomfortably. “I… something terrible happened. Bollocks, Moons — I’m sorry...”

Remus felt his spine prickle with needles. “What?”

“We should wait until Dumbledore or James comes back.”

“Dumbledore?!”

Ghostly pale, Peter was on the verge of fainting. Remus took another deep inhale. This time, he smelt blood, but it was coming off of Peter and a few other foreign scents lingered on him. Was that… Y/N? And… Snape? Remus scanned Peter, noticing the droplet of red on his shoes.

“Pete,” his voice dropped to an icy whisper, “Whose blood is that?”

He remained quiet.

Remus moved to prop himself up on the bed. “What happened?”

As Peter spoke, every word made Remus recline into himself and he was left unsure of how to feel. The overload of information put him into a state of complete shock. His vision faded in and out, suddenly feeling very cold and dizzy compared to the hot weather.

He distantly heard Peter trying to gain his attention but stared blankly at the metal bed frame.

“Say something,” his friend tried, sounding desperate. He didn’t even know how long he’d been quiet for.

Remus worked through the betrayal in nine steps. It helped make sense of his emotions. To categorize them — making it easier to file away.

1. Shock & denial

“No,” he said, barely moving a muscle in his face. “That's impossible! Padfoot would never…”

Peter watched him pitifully. Remus’ eyes blinked rapidly, heart pounding. “I’m sorry.”

2. Process what happened (or try to)

“He… told… Snape?” He asked despite Peter repeating the story multiple times.

“Sirius was mad at Sniv — Snape, and he was provoked by —”

“I didn’t hurt him, did I? I didn’t hurt anyone?”

“He’s fine.”

“Then why won’t you tell me what happened to me? Why was I bleeding?”

He refused to look him in the eyes and Remus felt terror ebb it's way through his skin. “Answer me!”

“As I said, L/N and Snape got into a row… she heard Sirius tell him and she went to save him…”

“Don’t you dare lie to me.”

Wormtail took a deep breath. “You… nicked her a bit and James’ antler broke off in you because… he was trying to get you off of her…”

Remus was rooted in place. What Peter just said was unreal. His stomach twisted painfully. He blinked. “Y/N’s hurt? I hurt her?”

“Yes — no! That was Snape —” “Is she here? Did I bite her?”

“You didn’t and yeah but —” “Move out of my way.” He pushed himself up wobbly.

“You lot a lot of blood, sit —”

“Get out of my way!” He threatened. Remus pushed Peter to the side, clambered to his feet. Remus gripped the bed tightly and felt a few seams rip open and blood began to faintly seep through his white bandages.

He staggered around, ripping back the curtains until he saw Y/N. Limping up to her bed, Remus almost burst into tears when he saw her. She looked so tiny, curled up and engulfed in blankets and pillows. Her ankle was propped up, head bandage and skin dull.

It felt like Peter had poured a bucket of freezing cold water on him.

He hurt her. Almost got her and Snape killed or infected. Could have hurt Prongs and Wormtail…

He was a fucking monster.

He should be put down.

From how loud he was, running around the wing, Y/N’s eyes fluttered open. She attempted to stretch, groaning out in pain. But then, her eyes flickered up to him and she froze. Her hand shot up protectively to her chest and face as instinctively went for her wand but stopped. Genuine fear flashed through her, making Remus instantly want to cry. It felt like an eternity passed as she gripped her sheets and opened her mouth.

She was going to scream — to take him away — call him a monster — to cry or yell for Madam Pomfrey or —

But Y/N’s body relaxed. A tried smile twisted and gaze dissipated with fear, replaced with nothing but understanding and softness; she even went as far to touch his hand but Remus wrenched it back.

“Ta-da!” She croaked. “I lived.”

Remus didn’t smile, only staring horrified.

“Yeah, that was a hit or miss...” Peter interjected. He stood behind him, ensuring that if he fell, he’d be there to catch Remus. He continued to stare like she grew another set of eyes.

“What?” Her grin deflated. “Am I that irresistible?”

That pulled a breathy laugh from Remus as he shook his head. Why wasn’t she disgusted with him?

“Thank Merlin, you’re both awake.” All their heads turned to James’s floating head before he pulled off the invisibility cloak.

James moved to pull Remus into a large hug, whispering an ‘I’m sorry’ into his ear. He held him for a while before breaking off, going to embrace Y/N who wheezed.

“Ouch.”

“My bad, my bad!” He pulled back and slipped into bed with her. Peter forced Remus to sit on the edge of her bed while he stood.

A million thoughts ran through his head. He wanted to get away, to run — not even be in the same room as her. Remus wanted to think, to make any sense of what happened.

What the fuck happened? He couldn’t even process it.

She remembered everything, right? Surely she wouldn’t be this calm had she.

“Oh, wait — Lupin, are you alright? I swear a deer came at you last night.”

James chuckled out loud, breaking Remus out of his thoughts as he looked at him and Peter. “I guess there’s no point for secrets anymore.”

Y/N looked at them questioningly, her eyes squinting from the bright light before Peter went to close the blinds shut. James got off the bed, smiling widely at Remus and Peter got onto the bed instead.

“Ugh — Pete? James? What —”

A loud gasp ripped from her mouth as she jerked away from James who turned into a very large stag and Peter into a fat brown rat.

Remus could almost cry at how comical her face looked.

James was so large that he had to take a few steps back to prevent his antlers from poking one of their eyes out and Remus noticed that one was gone.

He felt sick again. A hand drifted to his stomach.

“Holy shit! Oh my god!” Y/N went to graze a finger on Peter’s fur before turning to James with shaky hands to touch one of his antlers and patting him on the head. She was speechless as her mouth open several times before forcing out, “You're really Bambi!”

James turned back, taking his glasses off to clean. “I wanted to be a lion — for Gryffindor, y’know.”

“You can’t choose, I wouldn’t be a rat.” Peter grimaced.

“They’re highly intelligent. Nothing to worry about.” James reassured and ruffled his hair.

“When did you guys learn to do this?”

“We’ve been at it for three years now. We finally were able to do it in August before school started.”

She shook her head, staring in awe.

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Dumbledore came to speak to everyone later that day.

Remus had been dreading it once he came into the wing and began speaking to Y/N, a buzzing sound filling his ear. All Remus was left to do was twiddle his thumbs, waiting and completely disoriented.

When he finally approached him, Dumbledore lost his usual twinkle in his eyes. He made sure to close the long vertical blinds and again, the room filled with a low buzzing sound.

“How are you doing?” He asked. Remus, had he been in the right mindset, would have prevented the scoff escaping him. Dumbledore didn’t react but continued. “Miss L/N is recovering well and Mr. Snape didn’t receive any injuries. Just a fright.”

Remus nodded, that was good, but he remained quiet.

“Snape’s been persuaded to act accordingly for the best interest of his fellow pupils and L/N gave her word.”

Remus choked back a laugh. Snape was going to, no matter what, let his secret slip somehow.

“You’re also exempt from the Transfiguration exams, both you and Miss L/N. You’ve both sustained a degree of varying head injuries and you’ll be graded on a cumulative from McGonagall.”

Dumbledore was forcing Remus to the edge as he bit down on his inner cheek. It was useless to listen to him. “Are you expelling me?”

“No. You should not bear any blame.”

“Dumbledore, no offence, but are you mental?” Remus sputtered adding, “I endangered four students last night.”

“Yes but —” “The next time we won’t be so lucky. I’m a monster, sir. I should be.”

The headmaster sighed. “Remus, give yourself a bit of credit. Think highly of yourself.”

Remus gave a dry laugh, almost baffled at how Dumbledore was acting. Did he just gloss over the fact he could have gotten students infected? He wouldn’t be able to live with himself had he. “How can I?”

“Well Y/N seemed to think very highly of you. She made you a very compelling case along with your friends, Potter, Pettigrew and Black.”

“Black’s not my friend,” Remus countered. He didn’t care about how rude he was being.

“Remus —”

“Is he expelled?”

“No.” The answer had Remus wheeling, anger spiking. “He’s not.”

“Why not? If it isn’t my fault, that I’m not to blame then why isn’t he? He told them how to find me.”

“I understand that this is a very difficult situation and rest assured, Sirius will be punished. I can promise you. But expulsion isn’t the answer.”

Remus refused to look at Dumbledore and he must've realized he was getting nowhere with him. He stood but before leaving, he gave a pitiful look.

“I have done terrible deeds, indulged in foolish pranks that I have lived to regret, but each has been a valuable learning experience. It’s a pity that it came to this. Learn in your heart to forgive, Remus. The world is already filled with too much hate.”

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June 16th, 1976

3. Sadness & pain

Remus had been avoiding the Marauder’s dorm. He’d gone as far as begging Madam Pomfrey (who’d taken pity because she knew what happened) to let him stay another two nights before getting kicked out. Remus always healed physically faster and his wounds were already healed by the third day. Pathetically, he’d been sleeping in dingy passageways or the prefects’ bathroom before relocating after being harassed by the ghosts.

Remus had a plan, avoid them; skip classes, get longer prefect duties, never staying in one spot for too long. He wouldn’t know what would happen if Snape saw him. Although, whatever Dumbledore told him, it kept Snape quite so far. But tonight, he got tired of Moaning Myrtle sobbing.

Before curfew, Remus made it a habit of visiting Y/N, who was still stuck in the wing; both out of guilt and because she was his friend, but he couldn't stay for long — seeing her like that made him wallow in guilt.

Similar to him, Lily had visited, along with the other girls, every day. Today, Lily stayed a little longer, bleeding into the time Remus usually dropped by. He watched as Lily whisper into her ear, causing Y/N to laugh and Lily blush madly as she sat snug by her side. Not wanting to ruin their moment, Remus went to leave before they had the chance to see him.

Remus had another pressing matter anyway.

He entered one of the nearest bathrooms to give himself some sort of pep talk and stared at the mirror.

You can do this. A voice echoed in his head.

Typically, memories from the full moon came back to Remus a few days or even weeks later, his brain usually too foggy a couple of hours after and even then, he would never fully remember everything. He vaguely remembered seeing a flash of Snape’s face and Prongs but Y/N’s screams were one of the clearer memories from that night.

“REMUS! PLEASE REMUS! STOP!”

Remus looked to stare at himself in the mirror. He observed the scar on the bridge of his nose, feeling bile rush up his throat at the sight.

He was a freak, littered with scars covering himself.

He was disgusting.

Ugly.

Pathetic.

Dangerous.

A monster!

4. Anger

Sirius Black had always been loyal, so what changed that night?

He needed to leave. It was no good staying here anymore.

Remus was shaking with rage, twinged with hurt. He paced outside of the common room door and had a few options running through him. Either start a huge fight with Sirius or just… ignore it.

Avoidance.

Maybe he could ignore Sirius forever? Impossible, surely. Sirius would get bored, anxious within a couple of weeks — that was too generous — a few days sounded right.

With his mind made up, Remus crept up to his room. He could hear the faint shouts of James and pondered about just sleeping in the common room or prefects’ bathroom. Even if he did have to listen to Moaning Myrtle.

Maybe because his senses were still coming down from its peak or James was just brash, but Remus didn’t even have to press his ear on the door.

“— done ENOUGH! — hear me? You better — why are YOU crying? You bloody — understand? Understand?! You will not talk — him — best friends my —”

The only person he's told he was coming back was Wormtail and it sounded like he told Prongs.

Remus didn’t care to listen anymore as he pushed open the door. Pete was sitting on his bed, eyes wide at Remus’ presence surrounded by unwrapped wrappers. He always tended to eat while stressed.

Sirius was looking down at the floor as James stood in front of him, scolding him like a child. But, his head shot up once he walked through the door. Out of his peripheral vision, he could see his eyes bloodshot, puffy and circles dark. He didn’t dare look at him.

Remus didn’t acknowledge them, instead moving robotically to the bathroom, changing into his holey yet comfortable clothes before scurrying off to bed, swinging his curtains shut before casting a silencing spell around.

He’d plan to adhere to his avoidance strategy. It worked so far.

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June 18th, 1976 | 1:29 am

“Psst… Moony.”

Remus turned over to face him. “What do you want Peter?”

“Just wanted to check up. You okay?”

“What do you think? Please, leave me alone.” And then closed his bed drapes.

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June 19th, 1976 | 11:37 pm

Peter had crept up to his bed again as Remus laid there awake, thoughts swarming him.

“I’m not in the mood. I’m tired.” He moved to turn over and forced his eyes closed.

Peter had been nothing but amazing. Always thinking about him and his needs but what Remus wanted most was to be alone and Peter's pity and worried features did nothing but make Remus feel like shit.

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June 21st, 1976

In life, there are few things that are certain. Getting older, death, taxes… No matter how hard we try, no matter how good our morals are or our intentions, we all will eventually make mistakes. It’s either as small as burning your food or writing the wrong answer down on a test, but you’re also going to fuck up pretty bad and hurt people. Say something — do something you don’t mean and it’ll end up with both sides hurt. If you want forgiveness, there’s multiple solutions to gain that back, but the two words — obvious, there, waving in front of your face — can be the hardest words to say.

“I’m sorry.” Black muttered for the hundredth time that night. His voice was pushing Remus to the edge as he kept his face straight. Dead. Not once taking Sirius’ shitty apology baits. He continued to stare down at his book, reading silently in his dorm. His teeth hurt from how hard he was clenching his jaw.

Remus was right, of course, he was fucking right. Black had grown anxious as he ignored him.

“I’m sorry.”

Remus never really considered himself violent. Sure, he’s gotten into rows that ended with a punch or hex here or there, but Remus didn’t have violent thoughts. If anything, he prided himself on not being a bonehead like Black and Prongs. But, it took every ounce not to beat the shit out of Black right there and then.

Bastard. Scumbag. You mother fucking betrayer.

Remus never liked not being in control. Not having it scared him too much, feeling more animal than man. He did everything to avoid being violent, the wolf was already violent enough and had too much control and Remus refused to let it dictate human him. There was already too much violence, he never wanted to contribute more.

He did everything not to be a monster. But it's like the wolf roared from deep within, scratching and begging to let him pounce.

Remus wasn’t violent — anyone who met him would vouch for that. Fuck, if he saw a spider, he would open a nearby window and release it. But now, he wanted to slam Sirius against a wall and wrap his hands around his neck and squeeze.

You piece of shit. Wanker. Twat. I want you to feel as much pain as I do.

“Moony, please let me explain —”

All the words suddenly blurred before Remus slammed his book shut, causing to become still and quiet.

Sirius trying to explain — excuse his actions — pushed him over the edge. Remus sent a venomous glare at Sirius, waiting for him to talk. His quietness made everyone uneasy.

Selfish bastard.

Any sympathy Remus held for him this past year, along with any logic, evaporated to the point where he felt a rabid thump spread through him. There was a desperation to relieve himself of it — lash out, scream, cry —

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it,” the rest of the Marauders watched the scene, knowing not to get involved. “It was a mistake and —“

“A mistake?”

Sirius perked up at this. That was the only word he’d spoken to him since the incident. “Honest. I did it because —” “Shut the fuck up.” Remus stood, tall and loomed over Sirius. He could almost smell the fear off him.

He had never been so mad before.

“I — I… I,” stutters Remus. But instead of it being out of shyness or nerves, it was out of pure wrath that he wasn’t able to articulate his emotions properly. He took a deep breath in, attempting to regain control over his emotions but failed as he burned with deep, seething hatred. “I am the monster that mothers tell their children to keep them in at night.”

“Moony —”

“Don’t call me that!” His voice boomed so loud that everyone in the room had to take a step back and shrink down. Remus was always so reserved, only ever lashing out in annoyance close to the full moon but nothing more.

“Living up to your name, aren’t you?” There’s a sarcastic, bitter humour lilt to his voice.

Someone so in control of his emotions, someone with an unbreakable exterior, the only glimpses they’d ever seen of Remus losing control was him snapping at someone close to the full moon but would later apologize within mere seconds. But to see him like that… it was an intrusion, something the Marauders hadn’t ever seen or wanted to before.

“Please, just calm down so we can talk.”

Remus paces around the room. “You — y’know I’ve never understood why everyone lets you get around treating others like shit. First, it was Marlene, James, me, Peter, Lily and Y/N — we all let you get away with it. Outburst after outburst, we all sat back because you were going through shit. But I can’t? I’m not allowed to get angry?!”

Sirius wouldn’t look at him.

“Look at me.” Remus kept his voice low throughout the ordeal, only ever raising if Black interjected. “You coward, look at me!”

5. A lot of anger

He couldn’t meet his eyes so he settled to stare at the scar across his nose. It only angered him more as Remus picked Sirius up and pushed him against the wall as he fisted his shirt.

“I’m sorry.”

Sorry is nothing but a word to you. I gave you my most trusted secrets. I confided in you. I was there for you when you needed it. I loved and cared for you like my own brother but I was nothing more than a pet that you discarded when you got bored. You’re only guilty because of the repercussions you’re facing. Your guilt isn’t nearly enough. Bastard. I trusted you. You’re a Marauder. My best friend. I would’ve done anything for you. You fucking ruined it.

“You did this! You did!”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

He laughs, mocking and loud, void of any emotion. “No, you aren’t. You’re never fucking sorry!”

Stupid fucking selfish arsehole.

“For years you’ve told me that you accepted me — cared for me — loved me like your own brother! That what I am — a-a monster — that it didn’t matter!”

“It didn’t mean anything, I promise! It was a shitty, fucked up prank —”

“A prank?! You used me as a weapon! A toy because how could anyone ever love a werewolf?” Remus’ voice was so low. “You’ve never respected me. If you had any, you wouldn’t have — you - wouldn’t....”

Everything came crashing on Remus at once.

6. The realization settles in

And after nine days, Remus Lupin had finally realized what Sirius Black had done. Before, everything he felt had been true but he hadn’t fully realized the gravity of what happened, as silly as it sounds.

Sirius turned his worst fear into a living nightmare.

In the background, one of James’ Quidditch posters, encased in glass exploded, shattering into millions of pieces from the amount of pure magic radiating off Remus. He didn’t even flinch at the sound.

James finally interjected, placing a hand on Remus’ shoulder. “Lay off him… He isn’t worth it.”

Remus eased off Black instantly. “You had no right… no right…” He pointed. Remus turned his face down as he felt tears build up.

“I trusted you,” he whispers. “Every bit.”

Remus stormed out of the dorm, going to sleep in the common room.

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June 22nd, 1976

7. Depression

When Remus finally let himself cry, he didn’t make a move to leave his bed. Even skipping meal times, leaving James or Pete to bring him food.

Everything felt suffocating, a gnawing feeling that made every part of him ache. Remus couldn’t handle anymore pain or emotions from ‘the prank’ as he felt himself slip into a temporary void.

He hugged his pillow tighter and closed his eyes once more.

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June 23rd, 1976 | 11: 37 pm

Remus had gone straight to bed again, effectively shutting up the rest of the dorm. James was ignoring Black, leaving Remus surprised that he hadn’t made a move to defend his actions. Nonetheless, he was appreciative still. Peter had been trying to appease everyone, not taking sides but still must’ve thought Sirius was in the wrong because he hadn’t talked to him much.

He didn’t ask James to choose between him or Black. Remus was never one for ultimatums but even then, it seemed like James picked him. He was beyond furious, seemingly more than Remus at this point who pathetically wallowed in his depression. He wouldn’t spare Black a second glance, wouldn’t talk to him, shut him down if he tried to speak to him. Hell, he’d even gone as far as to make it very clear to the entirety of Hogwarts that they were no longer friends, making sure to not sit with him, ever. Always choosing to sit by Remus.

They chose his side and a part of Remus felt elated to know they had his back.

This left Black alone, looking at them through tearful gazes. Remus had been ignoring all of them and they seemed to be understanding, avoiding crossing the wordless boundary Remus set in stone.

But, both James and Peter had been checking up on him nightly, always there and he could tell they were getting impatient.

When the lights went out, he heard James crept out of bed. Usually, Remus would find some sort of comfort in knowing who was approaching him, but now, it only left him feeling uneasy.

And then he felt the bed dip and James muttered out a spell.

“Hey, Moony.”

Remus didn’t face him. “Prongs?”

“Hey,” there was a loud sigh, “Do you need anything?”

What was he supposed to say? A hug? To talk? He’d much rather use his avoidance strategy, although he realized it left him alone with too many thoughts and nobody to confide in.

“M’good.” He felt James place a hand on his shoulder.

“I’ll always be there for you. That’s what Marau - that’s what friends are for, no?”

Remus didn’t answer and felt James move to leave. But before he had the chance to slip out, Remus peeked his head from the drapes, announcing just loud enough for Sirius to hear.

“Thanks for saving all of us, James. You’re a true friend.”

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June 24th, 1976

People had their poisons.

Alcohol can make you forget. It blocks out everything and makes the rest of the world fade away until you can’t remember. People gambled to feel a rush, only to realize they dug themself into irreversible debt. Shopping, food, the high from risky behaviour…

But how we manage our poisons is up to the person.

People love to deny that they have addictions. They deny they’re hooked, they deny that they can’t put it down, they deny that they’re scared or want to stop. People only see what they want to see, believe what they want to believe.

And then the truth becomes muddled with lies that it’s hard to recognize the poisons sitting right in front of us. And all we want is more.

For Remus, his poison, his bright red self-destruction button, was smoking.

Granted, he never was a big smoker, typically only smoking when stressed or bored. But he still did it, filling his lungs with poison. But maybe he was wired like that. Besides, what werewolf lives past thirty? Might as well die revelling in the poison that brought him ease…

Remus conjured a ball of bright fire from his hand; fishing out a pack of cigarettes, slipped it past his lips and lit it. He inhaled, feeling the familiar, comforting feeling before dragging it from his lips, blowing out the thick cloud of smoke that left him wanting more.

He’d been sticking to his avoidance tactic strictly now. The Marauders were hovering over him, worry evident on their faces. A few times, Lily and James both invited him to sit. They never fought anymore, or at least in front of him, and it probably was his doing — a group effort into getting him to talk.

So even Lily knew something was wrong… Snape probably told her…

The door clicked open and Remus didn’t have to turn around to know how it was.

“Leave me alone. I’m not ready to talk.”

“Wasn’t gonna make you.”

He spun around, that wasn’t James or Peter. His face softened.

“Well… I’m not,” Y/N said simply, “But the others are about to.”

Remus groaned at that but Y/N smiled and turned around, ushering him over with a little wave. In one hand, she raised the Marauder’s map. “C’mon, I know a place and that they won’t be able to find.”

Remus was intrigued. He stepped out the butt of the cigarette, flicked it into the trash and followed her. Surely he’d already been there but being with Y/N seemed ten folds better than being around the other Marauders.

He followed wordlessly, passageways flying through his head but she never stopped by them. Instead, she climbed onto a ledge, slipping into an area under a large curtain. He followed, eyes lighting up in awe. He’s definitely never been there before.

“Get comfortable,” she said, flinging him a pillow and lighting a few candles.

They sat opposed to each other in complete silence. Y/N flicked back and forth, watching James and Peter scrabble around the castle looking for him. A few times, they passed by, each time leaving Y/N amused.

Remus tapped his leg anxiously. The question remained: Why wasn’t she disgusted with him? Why was she helping him? Why wasn’t she afraid?

Now alone together, those questions dangled on his tongue.

“Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

She looked up at him, finally putting down the map. “Because you’re Remus.” She said, like it was the most obvious answer. “You’re not scary.”

8. Hold onto doubt

The answer irritated him. Another memory unfolded then and he blurted it out. “Why didn’t you cast any spells at me?”

Her brows rose, “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m dangerous.” His voice was bleak and cold. “Why can't you grasp that?”

She stays quiet for a long time, her head turning to look out the large window. Y/N watched the owls and labyrinth of ancient trees of the forbidden forest and Remus was painfully aware of time slipping by.

“Do you remember that night on the astronomy tower on Halloween? I said that there’s bound to be someone looking at the moon at the same time?”

It takes Remus a moment to remember, but he does. “Yeah. You said that it’s like you’re not alone.”

Y/N turns around to face him. “Exactly. You don’t have to be alone in this.”

He looked away, deliberating. “It’s one thing for me to be alone but then drag you and others down with me.”

“Remus, I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t scared. I was terrified. I thought that was it.” He gulped. “But I could never be scared of you. The real you - the you right now. I don’t care about what you are. You are more than just a werewolf. I feel safe with you.”

The dark shadows surrounded them as she reiterated herself. “You don’t have to be alone in this.”

He soaks in her words for a while. This time, peering out the window as he breathes in deeply.

Okay. He decided.

“Do you want to know how I got —” he pointed at a scar on his upper forearm. “— this?”

She nodded her head.

“When James turned into his animagus form to show me for the first time, his antlers pierced my skin. I had to lie to Pomfrey and say I fell while playing Quidditch.”

Any invisible barrier between them crashed instantly as she smiled brightly and laughed. So infectious, Remus couldn't help but flash a real grin.

He never realized how beautiful her smile was.

“Oh, and if you ever tell anyone about this place, I’ll skin you.”

“I would never.”

Remus scouted over to her, pressing his back against the cool stone as they sat together in a comfortable stillness. But then she shifted, opening her arms wide. He lent in without hesitation and her arms flung around his neck, pulling him into a tight embrace.

He felt salty tears stinging in the corners of his eyes and let himself soak in her warm.

He really needed that.

Over her shoulder, he returned to watch the stars.

9. Acceptance

Remus learned from a young age that it was better to keep people at an arm's length. Get too close, they’ll dig, find out his condition, fear him and run.

He hates to say it, but he’s not surprised that his secret slipped out. He got too comfortable, got too close... It’s just that the Sirius component was surprising.

But maybe it wasn’t surprising. Ever since the beginning of the year, especially since winter break, Sirius had been reckless more and more lately, and he probably should have seen it coming. He was wild as a result of being freed from the confines of his rigid upbringing.

Sirius Black was unpredictable.

Sirius Black was dangerous when it came to secrets.

Sirius Black was one of his best friends.

Sometimes betrayal is so profound that there’s no way to fix what was lost. The damage is done, irreplaceable, unfixable.

If Remus was sure of anything by the end of that week was that,

a) James Potter and Peter Pettigrew were still his best friends,

b) He almost killed Severus Snape and Y/N L/N,

c) Y/N knew his secret and despite everything, continued to talk to him, support him, be there for him — she accepted him,

d) His walls went up a higher, became stronger and insecurities ran deeper,

e) Lastly, Remus Lupin would never, ever forgive Sirius Black for what he did. Never.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

【 Next Chapter 】

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embrassemoi · 3 years

Text

SURROUNDED BY THE MOON AND STARS ✷ 37

MASTERLIST ✷ PREVIOUS CHAPTER ✷ AO3

PAIRINGS: Sirius B, F!Reader, Remus L

CONTENT: Panic attacks, intrusive thoughts

WORD COUNT: 3.5k

NOTES: this is an apology chapter bc I apparently freaked everyone out. I’m sorry! And thank you for the support xx

CHAPTER 37 ✷ Paradoxical Posions

It had been approximately four months since Sirius Black had properly spoken to any of his friends; that is if he didn’t count the heated arguments, constant belittling or borderline threats. There was no use trying to speak to anyone these days, not if he didn’t want their wands pointed at his neck or the onslaught of guilty tears and frustration to trammel him further.

It wasn’t a new notion for Sirius to come to a place, where he was supposed to feel loved, safe, reconstructed into a makeshift prison — tainted with embittered memories. First, it was back at Twelve Grimmauld Place where he ran around the halls playing Muggle games with his beloved brother and engaging in stiff etiquette Pureblood customs before taking a turn for something darker. But it was fine because he had Regulus.

Had. It was the only reason why he stayed in that personal hellscape for as long as he did.

However, Sirius never thought that he would face a similar fate with a barbed wire cage entrapping him in the one place that he thought would always be there for him. His true home had been Hogwarts the moment he stepped off that fiery red train. Now, it was nothing more than an empty castle, brunt down to nothing but a rubble of broken promises.

Everything became full and muted. The house colours were no longer bright, the once colourful food was washed over with a tinted grey; magic felt more like a chore than a gift.

Everything within those four months was exceedingly overwhelming that his feelings were absent. Essentially, he fell into a numb state. Perpetual laziness filled him that made everyday actions that he used to love, arduous. His own execution. To him, that void, that emptiness, was like continually falling into a dark, bottomless pit that scattered his thoughts and made it impossible to concentrate.

Sirius knew he fucked up. Merlin, he’s never done something as barbaric as that before.

Barbaric… he used to see his family as barbaric — as monsters. They enjoyed hurting the innocent, wore the dark mark as if it were fine art, not a symbol of mass genocide.

But wasn’t that similar to what he had done? Sirius wanted Snape to hurt, to pay — to finally receive the damage he inflicted onto others. But he never thought he would be stupid enough to actually go to the whomping willow that night.

Still, it's his fault.

With no friends, no one left to turn to, Sirius was often left alone with his thoughts; and he discerned that he was no better than them, his… family. Everything he’d done to separate himself from them was useless. It was apparent that he hadn’t rejected all of his family’s values like he thought he did. He was a monster all the same.

Out of all the Marauders, Peter had been the kindest. He’d check in secret: made sure he ate meals, completed schoolwork, would even update him on Moony’s health from time to time but Sirius pushed him away. The possibility of Peter running to James, telling him whatever he told Peter in confidence was too high.

Sirius had taken James’ absences the hardest. No matter how angry James had gotten at him in the past, their fights never lasted longer for more than a week. Because they were brothers through and through.

James hadn’t spoken to him throughout the summer, avoiding him. Marlene had tried to weasel any morsel of information out of him, but Sirius kept his mouth clamped shut; a vice.

Y/N was almost worse.

Every time someone had told Sirius I love you, it was nothing more than a tether and a lesh, an ownership over him. But with their little time, she understood him, took the time to be patient and not run when the crack in his porcelain skin came shattering.

She was the twist in the bottom of his stomach, making sunspots dance around the room, leaving him breathless and wanting more. Maybe he was getting too ahead of himself, what they had wasn’t love, hardly. However, I love you felt more like a fairytale than a doomsday sentence when he imagined her saying it.

If he’d known that’s what the list of other names had felt like with him, Sirius would’ve tried harder to prevent heartbreak.

And then there was Remus…

Being around Remus was eerie. He hadn’t so much as glanced in his direction, hadn’t spoken to him, hadn’t given any indication that he acknowledged he was even present. It was like Sirius had become invisible, disappearing into purgatory while awaiting the green light to hell.

Sirius was the first to admit that he was never a patient man. He hated waiting. Why would anyone willingly wait when they could jump into things head first to avoid wasting time? He’d spent the better part of his childhood waiting, obeying. In the back of his mind, he was always waiting for the day Remus would hurt him — yell — scream — punch him — something other than ignoring him like everything was fine.

But Remus knew that silence was the best torture suited for Sirius. And really, Sirius would rather be hit by him to get any sort of reaction.

But Moony, who was always so scared of hurting anyone — to let the wolf inside him win — hadn’t. But it was hardly surprising. Remus was the most poised out of them all.

But what hurt Sirius most, above the overlook, the radio-silence, there was a shift in Remus that had been noticeable. He looked happy, happier than he had seen him in months.

Sirius sighed, sinking further into his bed. A heaviness pressed against his chest as the extending effort to keep still, to relax, as he noticed the silver light ebb away in the sheening streaks of luminescence stream in from the windows: the full moon was nearing its peak.

He knew he didn’t deserve forgiveness and there's an indescribable ailment that sears its way into him, branding him similar to a cigarette to an ashtray at the knowledge. But he would do anything to build the lost trust.

The feeling of his bed, soft silk sheets and woven Gryffindor quilt was an odd one. These days, he rarely slept in the dormitory, preferring the room of requirements or the common room. He would then wait until the other boys left for breakfast or dinner to crawl in, gathering his things for the day or change. Whenever he did stay in the dorms, there was always a gaucheness that made it hard to breathe.

Except for Moony, who ignored everything.

But the ache in his back was unbearable and he needed to rest.

So when the sickening sound of the door cracked opened, Sirius felt the skin on his body tense, prickling together in shivers and bumps.

His heart broke as he watched Remus’ hazel eyes flit across the room, anywhere aside from him.

Remus opened his trunk muttering something about his study group.

“Hey —” Sirius was never a patient man. “Hi.”

There was a familiarity that lingered between them.

Remus’ posture stiffened, continuing to ignore him. Whatever he was looking for, Remus sprung up, shoving a couple of books in his bag.

But before he left, Sirius stood, stalking towards but stopped dead in his tracks at the small flinch from Remus’ end. Nevertheless, he tried to find his voice again.

“What can I do to make it up?” He heard his voice crack. “I’ll do anything.”

Remus’ actions were more effective than any silencing charm. Any fight or will Sirius had left, dissipated.

He wanted to scream at Remus, but he was frozen in place as he watched him leave, the door clicking shut.

The silence was overpowering.

Sirius’ tie felt suffocating. An invisible hand enclosing around his throat until the veins throbbed. The lights were too bright. The room seemed too scanty. Too crowded. Thoughts were boisterous.

The memories were short, almost in violent bursts that were blinding. Sirius vaguely registered his knees hitting the floor — hard enough to cause splinters of wood stabbing his skin. Nails dug into his thigh, rocking himself as he tried to count to ten, then twenty, thirty —

Hot tears streamed. Agony of coils, thrumming the muscles of his heart.

It was so quiet. There was nothing to combat the thoughts.

“Stop c-crying,” he told himself.

Blood rushed to his ears, head drilling with a force so strong he thought he was going to vomit. His heart speed, thudding in his chest as every bit of him shook.

Panic attacks… that’s what Muggles called these things, right?

This is who you are. A poison.

He shook his head, muttering out no over and over.

This is why they leave. It’s in your blood.

Give in. Do what you were taught to do.

He yanked harshly on his hair, struggling to keep his breathing steady.

Worthless. This is all you’ll ever be. Fucking pathetic.

“Get out. Stop it!”

It really took you losing them all to see how good you had it.

Now you’re left with no one that cares about you.

But did you ever really think they cared about you? You were a charity case.

Your parents were right about you.

Live up to your name. You already did so once. What’s stopping you again?

No! He wasn’t like them!

His fists began to pound on his head continuously, trying to drown out those inner voices. It felt as if a sickle was lodged in his throat, he couldn’t breathe properly. Dark compulsive thoughts replayed over and over again, causing him to go through a strange, twisted mindset. A few seconds to Sirius felt like hours.

The guilt, the grief, shame, stupid fucking heartbreak - he wanted it washed away.

Nightmares plagued him, he doesn’t remember the last time he ate a proper meal. His teachers noticed that he became quiet in their classes, that he was no longer rambunctious or charming, planning pranks with the rest of his brothers. His grades slipped, memories resurfaced, but now with no other option but to keep it to himself.

Forcing a smile is one of the easiest things a person with so much to hide could do. But even he was done pretending.

Sirius Black was drowning, reaching to the pit of a lake where he might not resurface.

✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷

Study sessions kicked up again and once Remus reached his usual seat, stowed away in the far back. He slumped, body heavy and limp.

Breathing deeply, Remus attempted to calm himself and took out some parchments and quill. He opened an ink bottle, dipping his quill in.

Remus was familiar with a variety of emotions.

Hate.

Remus was filled with a reckless amount of hate. Remus resisted it; the pain, the transformations, the wolf inside. He pushed it away, preferring to let the monster claw at his throat and keep it hidden away for as long as he could than just letting it happen.

He hated putting his friends at risk. He hated his scars. They were a physical reminder of what happened to him every full moon. He hated how it cut deep into his body, how they looked, how they formed and healed.

The thought made him tug down his sweater sleeve more. Hidden away fiercely under his steel mask.

A cracking sound grabbed his attention. He must’ve grabbed his quill so forcibly that it snapped in half. He sighed, feeling a disgusting shame bubble up, stroking the soft feather.

With hate, he also knew a great deal of anger but what trumpeted all, he knew emptiness.

He never talked about emptiness because it was selfish. How could he be lonely when he had the best mates in life? But it was with him in every waking moment. Remus felt completely and wholeheartedly empty. It nipped at his bones comparable to the way the freezing cold in Scotland burned his face, eating away at his cheeks.

Emptiness felt like standing on a beach. The grains of sand under his feet, surrounded by the warmth of the sun kissing his skin. The light breeze, distant chattering, the smell of the salty sea.

But like a switch, abruptly, the sky turns pitch black, not even the coruscate of stars present. And it’s silent.

There’s no honking of cars, everyone’s gone, the sun has set and the warmth was replaced by a whipping wind; cold, jarring. The crashing waves were gone, the shoreline seemed so far away and every time he ran to it, there’s still no water.

It’s quite paradoxical, isn’t it? Pretentious and vexatious little git he is, but that's what emptiness was.

It’s wordless.

There was a reason Remus worshipped his friends. They softened the pain and scars that littered his body and turned him into a canvas; fine art.

Someone like him shouldn’t have friends; didn’t deserve to be given that kindness. It was both a gift, a plague. It was a constant conflict.

One of his greatest faults, Remus desperately craved to be liked. He was grateful that he had friends, but having none would protect them from his disease.

It was another reason why Remus refused to date, ignored every advance, never asked anyone out. He refused to hurt anyone.

He was never one to have friends, let alone reject them. He didn’t fancy the feeling much. Black was already too taxing and Remus’ resolve was slowly breaking.

Lily and James waltzed in, both talking to each other rapidly in what he could only assume was arguing.

“Dunno.”

“Oi, Evans! Bollocks! C’mon.”

“No, Potter. Maybe it’s you who has to stop being arrogant.”

“But what’s the fun in that?”

In all his time that he’d known Lily, she never once laughed with James. Always at him, but this time… Even James took a double-take.

Lily slipped beside Remus, her body slightly leaned against his as she pulled out her materials.

“So, Professor Moony,” Lily started, dipping her quill into his ink bottle, hovering the tip on a roll of parchment. Her bright green eyes glittered at him. “What’s the plan for today?”

Remus, who had been sitting in a horrified trance at their interaction, forced out a reply. “Erm — we could start with Transfigs since we have that essay due before Herbology.”

“Wait,” James said in a rush, pushing himself up from his seat. A shot of panic went through all of their spines as he spoke. “Where’s Whiskers?”

Lily stood too. “I thought she was with Remus.”

He shook his head. “I haven’t seen her in hours.”

“Shit. Get the map!”

Meanwhile in the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey and Y/N spoke rapidly.

“It’s a new development.”

“But it’s possible?”

“Yes. Quite easy to brew too. I’ve made one similar. Would you like the article?”

Y/N agreed, watching as Madam Pomfrey rose from her seat, drifting over to the display of clear containers spread across the wall along with books and hundreds of copies or variations of spells, healing books and research articles.

Pomfrey's office was empty, aside from them.

“Here. It’s by Damocles Belby.”

Her eyes scanned over the page quickly.

Damocles Belby, world-renowned potionner, has made incredible advancements with the research for a stabilizing potion for werewolves. His most recent achievement has been finding that stewed Mandrakes being drunk once a day for a week leading up to the full moon has made the memory and the presence of the human mind during transformations easier to retain.

Stewed Mandrakes properties are known for transfiguring cursed individuals or items back into their original state and used often in memory potions —

“Deary?” Her head snapped up to Madam Pomfrey eyeing her suspiciously.

“Right, thank you so much!” Y/N quickly pushed herself up, picking up her things to leave until Pomfrey called out again.

“What are you planning to do with this?”

She thought about it for a bit. She’s made stewed Mandrakes previously; it was easy, safe, and even if the potion turned bad, there were no negative side effects. For now, she would remain ostensible. “It’s a mere interest.”

She left, not wanting to answer any more questions.

But what exactly was she doing? Researching werewolves intently, looking for some sort of cure? Her interest was beyond just Remus now and something was itching deeper. Could she really —

“Oh, sugar!”

Lily, James and Remus looked frantic as they saw her. Lily’s face was ghostly pale. She jumped onto her, roping her into a tight hug before pulling back to pat the sides of her arms, lifting them and encircling around her.

“What the f —” A flurry of questions hit her.

“Are you hurt?”

“Of course she is! Why else would she be in the hospital wing?”

“This is why I said for everyone to walk in pairs!”

“What happened?”

“You need to lie down.”

“Whiskers —”

“All of you, quit it and stop touching me!” She roared over them. Lily staggered, a shocked expression on each of them. Y/N bombarded, confusion clouding her brain. “What are you guys talking about? I’m fine? I just had to talk to Madam Pomfrey ‘bout something.”

A collective breath went round, their shoulders slumping.

“It’s dark.” Lily looped her arm with hers. “After Mary, you can never be too careful these days.”

Oh. Right. Pairs.

“Was it about becoming a Healer?” James asked, fixing his glasses. “Why do you want to become one?”

She had to fight her grin. “So I can stab people legally.”

Remus and Lily giggled, James — horror-struck.

“I’m joking!”

They walked back to the library before she turned to Remus.

“Hey, Moony?”

He looked at her, head tilting and leaning slightly, she handed him the article.

“I have an idea. I was reading this — I think I can brew you a potion.”

✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷

October 8th, 1976

This full moon went over smoothly compared to the last one. Remus only stayed in the hospital wing until he woke up and Pomfrey had allowed him to return to his dorm. Sirius was there again, sitting outside of the wing when they left.

They got ready for the day, and Y/N left for a while to let the boys be alone.

“Who is that?” Marlene pointed to one of the many photos on the side of her bed, hung above the small table.

She tossed a look over her shoulder, throwing on her robes. “My friend, Matthew. The one from Ilvermorny.”

Dorcas came bouncing up, observing. “You both look chummy there.”

“Looks a lot nicer than Black too.”

“Is there something you’re not telling us about your little friend?”

She rolled her eyes, changing the topic. “I’ve been thinking of starting a photo wall. Take a photo of everyone that walks in here, take their photo, put it up.”

“Oho! Me first!” Marlene hollered, roping Dorcas in. Lily took a photo with Toulouse before leaving while Y/N returned to the Marauder’s dorm.

“Thank you,” she beamed at a tired Peter who opened the door, descending back into the bathroom.

Remus was sitting on his bed, shoving his books into his bag as he looked up.

“What did you put into that potion?”

“What?” Everything seemed to stop, instantly going into panic mode.

Had she… hurt him?

As if he read her mind, Remus shook his head. “No! Nothing bad happened! Something was different this time. I've never had a transformation be that clear.”

“For fuck sake, I thought — argh! You little shit!”

Remus laughed, as she sat down on his bed, scouting up his rabbit. “Thank you. I feel great.”

“Thank Damocles Belby.”

“You have to teach me how to make that.”

She turned to him. “I can do it, no problem.”

But then a guilty expression filtered over his face. “No, that’s too much of a burden to be created every month —” “It's fine. And didn’t you get an A in Potions?”

“We all have our weaknesses. Didn’t like it anyway — Oh!” He stopped mid-sentence. His body shifted, wincing a little as he did so, turning to his bedside, opening the drawer; pulling out a wrapped, rectangular gift.

“S’for you,” he said, eyes turned shy.

Y/N shook her hands, gently pushing the gift away from him and to his chest. “Remus, you didn’t have to -”

“Please, I wanted to. Go on, open it!”

With a thankful smile, she ripped open the gift.

Her fingers glided along the side of the sturdy plastic. She flipped it around, a list of songs were written on the back, listing from one to ten. At the bottom, written small an in chicken scratch, he had written:

Happy late Birthday

With love, Remus J. Lupin

“It’s a mixtape.”

She was speechless, mouth-opening, closing several times. “I love it. Thank you so much.”

Remus scratched the back of his neck, skin tinting. “S’nothing, really. Now go on, play it!”

She reached for her bag, pulling out the portable cassette player, placed the tape in and pressed play. She handed one earbud to Remus, chuckling as Young Americans by David Bowie played. Clever.

NEXT CHAPTER ✷ NAVIGATION ✷ REMUS' MIXTAPE

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embrassemoi · 3 years

Text

SERIES MASTERLIST

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars

The year is 1975 and Y/N L/N recently moved to London, England. As a transfer student from Ilvermorny, it was an understatement to say that she was out of her element. But what happens when you add friendship, love and war together? Only time will tell and we all know that time waits for no one.

↳ PAIRINGS: Sirius Black x Reader / Remus Lupin x Reader

CONTENT: Smut in later chaps, NO poly, graphic descriptions of violence, triggering themes such as self-hatred + mental health struggles + self-harm, MAJOR and minor character death, mature language, love triangle, pining, jealousy, fluff, angst, slow burn, slow updates, LGBT+ themes, war, major character death, hurt no comfort, hurt with comfort, possible proofreading errors, head-hopping, unreliable narrator, depression, sexism, implied/referenced child abuse, tags to be added.

↳ CHAPTERS

* = Indicates explicit smut

00 | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44

AO3 | MASTERLIST | PLAYLIST | OUTTAKES

↳ FAQ

✩ If you have any questions, ask or they might be under the tag #sbtmas ask

☽ Chapters average around 3k - 4.5k

When do you update?

THIS STORY IS CURRENTLY ON A HIATUS

Who will the reader end up with?

That’ll spoil the story!

Will I continue this series?

Yes! I plan for this to be a very long fic.

What does the reader look like?

Since this is an x reader fic, I will refrain from using words that will describe physical characteristics for the MC. This means I will not mention hair texture, skin colour, body size and more. But, I will mention hair periodically throughout.

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embrassemoi · 3 years

Text

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 32

Pairings: Sirius B, F!Reader, Remus L Warnings: Language, smoking A/N: for anyone interested, I decided to release parts of SBTMAS that don’t make it to the final chapters. If you want to read them, you can find them here!

【 Masterlist | Previous Chapter | ao3 】

Chapter 32: The Taste of Rebellion

THUD!

RRRIP!

SCHLIFF!

SWOOSH!

Y/N’s belongings thudded to the ground, left outside on the curb as she stomped her way back inside her house. Yanking open the wooden drawer filled with her letters, she ripped each letter up and threw them around the living room and kitchen floor. Once finished, she slammed the door shut without bidding her goodbyes and picked up her trunks.

Any sense of sorrow or self-pity morphed into anger; washing over her like a bath filled with scorching water.

She took the tube to King’s Cross, ran between the barriers and entered platform nine and three-quarters. The grip on the handles of her trunk and owl cage was bone-crushing as the events of the summer and finding those damn letters replayed in her head.

Her mother never gave a fuck about her, did she?

“Oh… It’s you.” A cold voice piped from behind her. “Dumbledore must be getting desirous, dropping his standards this low.”

Why did the first person she had to meet was Snape?

“And I thought you died.”

“You could be more appreciative considering you would be dead if it wasn’t for me.”

Turning around, mouth opened, a small grin appeared as she nibbled on her tongue. Her cheeks became round and puffy as she sucked in air, attempting not to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of Snape.

Civil… that’s what she was aspiring to be, especially after last year. It was always better to stay cautious around Snape but after her summer, any further provocation was like setting off a steel, jawed bear trap.

Frankly, in every way imaginable, she was done with everyone walking all over her.

“I didn’t need your help. Could’ve died and you still wouldn’t have made a difference.”

“Don’t sound too disappointed,” she said boredly, “I’ll start to think you hate me.”

Snape did not take that lightly as his fist curled into a tight ball, knuckles bone-white. “Someone as foul, disgusting as you —”

“I’m foul? I’m disgusting? Because of my blood?” Voice undulated in rage, she took a step closer to him; wand feeling very heavy in her pocket. “How about I break your nose again? I’ll show you that we both bleed the same —”

“Whiskers!” A voice shouted. Familiar red hair zig-zagged through the crowd, a girl’s arm waving wildly while she ran up. Lily cut her hair short, into a blunt bob that was pulled back with a few multi-coloured hair clips. In one hand, she held Toulouse.

She smiled, forgetting all about Snape as she engulfed Lily into a hug. Her hair tickled her nose as she breathed in deeply. Lily smelt of cinnamon.

“It’s been so long! I missed you!”

“I know! I’m sorry I couldn’t visit.”

“And I adore your haircut, it suits you!” “Y-yeah, right — thank you! You look lovely too!”

“Hey… Lily…”

Both girls cast a dirty look at Snape.

“Get lost,” she sneered, walking to pull Lily away but her friend’s feet were rooted in place.

He ignored her and recoiled at Lily’s hardened gaze meanwhile his hands fiddled around with the hem of his black robes. “I-I tried to call.”

“Sorry,” Lily scoffed, “I don’t keep arseholes on my speed dial.”

If it was possible, Y/N’s jaw would’ve fallen to the centre of the earth as she stared at Lily dumbfoundedly with the largest smile. Lily Evans, the goody-two-shoes of Hogwarts — swearing? The year was off to a fresh start and she couldn't help but step back, encouraging Lily as she beat on Snape.

“Get him, Petals!” She cheered.

Snape flattered at this, “Please, I need to talk to you.”

“On the phone?”

“Preferably now —”

“You can reach me at the Potters’. I’ll have James owl you their number.” Lily snapped, turning abruptly and looped her arm with Y/N’s, tugging her away to the train.

Using James’ first name? Swearing? The look on Snape’s face? Lily was amazing.

While walking, she spun her head to Snape’s crestfallen face as she laughed loudly. She felt elated. “Petals! I could kiss you! That was beautiful! Priceless!”

Lily’s face tinged deep pink, hardly able to spit out a word as she pushed her hair behind her ears and shyly peered up.

When they entered the train, Y/N instantly spotted Sirius Black sitting alone in one of the carriages; no sign of the other Marauders. His eyes were closed as the sun shined down. His hair had deep red undertones as his silver jewellery caused sunspots to dance around.

Still gorgeous — godlike as ever — still an asshole. A lying, piece of shit.

Lily continued to pull her away further down the compartments as a few students looked their way. A few random students smiled at her, one even winked while another student that she recognized as Aldrich McLaggen, rose from his seat and poked his head out from the cart. He waved. She waved back.

The rest of the Marauders came into view and she pulled herself away from Lily, sneaking up to Remus whose back was turned. Y/N pressed a finger to her lips as James noticed her and sent a wink to Peter.

Standing on her tippy toes, she tugged on Remus’ tousled curls. His head tipped backward while a small sigh escaped his lips before he craned his neck. Once realizing who his perpetrator was, he quickly smiled, cheeks dimpling.

“Hiya Moonyyy,” she drawled.

“Whiskers, nice to see you.”

She quickly addressed both James and Peter, her focus mainly on Remus. He somehow got taller and most notably, he let his hair grow out. His face seemed to sharpen up, evening out more and he even wore the sweater she made him.

He looked good, a lot better compared to the last time she saw him. He looked happier, well-rested.

About to comment on his outfit, her gaze drifted down and —

“A rabbit?! You got one!” She exclaimed. “Give me it please!”

They all laughed at her as Remus placed it into her hands meanwhile James ushered them into one of the free carriages.

“Told you,” he chuckled, sitting beside Y/N as she took the window seat. His hand reached over, drifting to rub the rabbit’s ear. “I just wish she was more aggressive. How is anyone going to believe that she —”

James then, not so subtly, kicked Remus. He covered his shock-filled expression.

“Oi! What are you talking about? She’s always been badly behaved.”

“Exactly!” Peter added. “Moony’s furry little problem!”

Lily jerked forward. “Gosh! That’s why they call you Moony!”

Remus grinned, nodding. Y/N, who already knew Remus had told Lily, laughed at the other Marauders.

Peter kept stammering, his fingers tapping rapidly on his thigh. “N-no? No!”

Remus’ posture slackened, observing the Marauders losing their minds.

“Lupin just got a new one —” “Ya! His old rabbit was a nasty thing — gave him so many scars; had to get rid of ‘em.” “And he’s gotten into fights!” “Yes, many fights. A lot of brawls!” “Knives!” “Moony is an inside joke —”

“Relax,” Remus finally cut in, clutching his stomach as he laughed uncontrollably. “She knows.”

James’ eyes widened comically, blinking to process. Peter looked like he was slapped by Dumbledore.

Lily giggled. “Godric, you’re remarkably thick, Potter. But you’re a good friend.”

Instead of looking at Lily, James focused on Remus. His chest puffed out slightly, pride swelling his chest. “He’s a Marauder. A brother. I would —” He looped an arm around Peter’s shoulder. “— we would do anything for him.”

She looked to Remus who’s hand subconsciously drifted up to touch his chest, seemingly touched by his words. Tilting his head, a hand went to rub the nape of his neck. His eyes were misty and she wondered if Lily knew that what James said wasn’t for her approval this time.

“Whatever our Moony wants, Moony gets,” Y/N quickly added.

Remus barked out a laugh, blinking rapidly.

“If you cry, I’ll cry!” James fretted while Peter began making fun of him.

As the carriage broke out into joyful conversations, Y/N peered out of the window, spotting Regulus about to board.

He spoke to a tall woman with a stern expression. She wore a dark green silk dress which was embroidered with pearls and a light cream white. It hugged her body and was high necked with a small, yet conservative slit on the side of her leg. Delicate cloth buttons lined it. Her hair was tied in a low bun while she tapped her foot impatiently on the ground.

She and Regulus had an uncanny resemblance.

Once he stepped in, a few moments later, steam pumped out the train as it started to move. She watched as all the parents clamoured together, waving madly to their children. Even the Marauders and Lily crammed together to bid their farewells.

And she was left with nobody to send her off.

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An hour went by as James perked up suddenly. Everyone’s attention was drawn to him as he pulled his trunk from the overhead, rummaging around until pulling out a metal pin — tossing it to her. Remus and Peter didn’t bat an eye, already knowing what it was as she flipped it to the front. A large P was printed across the badge with Gryffindor’s house colours and a small lion. Both her and Lily’s mouths dropped.

“Holy. Shit. James! No way!” Her head snapped up to him. “Congratulations! Oh my god!”

Needless to say, Lily was horrified — shocked was an understatement to describe how Lily felt. “Blimey! You’re my partner?”

“I could be in more than one why if you want,” James winked. Lily stuck her tongue out.

But then Y/N’s smirk faded as she turned to Remus. “I’m sorry —”

“No worries. I’m happy about it. I hated being one.”

She nodded, turning to James. “Prefect and Quidditch captain? Bambi — this is amazing! Congratulations! You deserve it!”

“Careful,” Peter cautioned, “Compliment him more and he’ll explode.” James rolled his eyes as an old woman slid open their door and pushed a trolley filled with sweets and pastries into view.

James and Peter jumped to their feet, all asking what they wanted. Lily refused to let them pay for her as she bought a couple of snacks for her and Y/N to share. She would make sure to slip some gold into her pocket another time.

“Ugh, I’ve only got two Knuts,” Peter said, frowning, shoving his hand in his pockets to try and find more gold or silver.

“Yeah, I’d hope so.” Remus murmured.

They purchased an abundance of Chocolate Frogs and Peter passed out one for each person, dumping the rest onto Remus’ lap. Unwrapping his Chocolate Frog, James used his wand to tap against the side of the cardboard box imitating clinking a glass with a spoon.

“Hem hem! I’d like to make a toast!” He declared. James moved to push his glasses higher on the bridge of his nose, grinning brightly. “To our Moony —”

Remus groaned but he was smiling. “Don’t —”

“To our lovely Moony!” Peter chimed in.

“Our Moony!”

“And to Petals and Bambi for becoming prefects!” Y/N chirped.

“And we can’t forget our amazing Whiskers and Wormtail! May this year be greater than the last!”

“Cheers!” They all clinked together their Chocolate Frogs and bit into them.

But their happy moment was quickly tainted as Black walked by and just happened to look at them through the window. A pink tinge appeared on his cheeks as he hopped from Remus then her. Already annoyed, she marched up to the door while holding Remus’ rabbit, looking directly at him as she yanked the blinds down.

He placed a hand on the window, mouthing, ‘please.’ She made sure to lock the door too.

She returned to sit by Remus and the room went quiet. Peter coughed, trying to break the tension as he began talking about his summer. James’ expression shifted and there was no longer that happy, go easy grin. Lily only surveyed the room and Y/N watched as Remus bounced his leg, simultaneously pulling out his cigarette box. He wrenched open the window and Lily, sensing the extreme discomfort, let it slide. James even kept his mouth shut.

“Anyone want one?” Remus grumbled out, placing a cigarette between his lips.

Nobody answered as he was going to slide back the box until she spoke. “I do.”

Everyone’s head turned to her, even Remus looked taken aback.

“Since when do you smoke?” Lily questioned.

Remus tugged one out of the package and passed it to her.

“Starting now.”

He conjured a ball of flames in his hand which caused everyone to jump. Peter screamed, Remus’ rabbit almost jumped out from her lap; Toulouse hissed, swinging in Remus’ direction while James and Y/N’s owl hooted in their cages.

“A warning, please!” Lily shouted.

He lit hers first. Y/N took an experimental puff before sputtering out, coughing. Remus laughed, “Happened to me too. Take it slow.”

With another few huffs, she looked out the window. The rest of the compartment soon resumed their chats before Peter lent in, a worried look on his face.

“Penny for ‘em?” He said, gently.

She was actually very appreciative of Peter. Always so mindful. “I’m fine, but thank you.”

“Oh — make sure to bring an umbrella to the feast — transfigure something,” Peter said loudly, to the whole group.

“Shit, I forgot about that.”

“Wait, why?”

“A couple weeks before… um… everything,” James struggled to find the right words, “We planned a prank that was meant to be for the new school year. It’s going to rain — or should rain, in the hall.”

Eventually, both James and Lily were hauled out for a prefect meeting. But, Black was sitting outside their compartment door.

James wanted to kick him as he tugged him up by his shirt and threw him into the next compartment a few carriages over as a proper screaming match ensued while Lily could be heard telling them to stop.

Peter quickly threw up a silencing spell and fidgeted at the silence.

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Immediately after the first years were sorted and the Sorting Hat sang a twisted song that sounded much like a warning, it rained for ten minutes. Clouds were bewitched onto a few students while thunder crackled loudly. Several first years shrieked along with Peeves who laughed maniacally at them. The Blood Baron stepped in several times to get him to compose himself as Nearly Headless Nick floated in between to sit with the Marauders, her, Lily and Marlene. He sat underneath her umbrella as he judged the other ghost from the sidelines.

The teachers scrambled to reverse the spell. Finally, when they did, the feast resumed, but not without Flitwick charming all the drenched students dry.

“Welcome or welcome back my pupils!” Dumbledore began, “I wish we didn’t have to start on such a damp note —”

A round of soft chuckles went round.

“To start: Hogwarts welcomes our new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, Elizabeth Elway. Everyone, please give her a loud round of applause.”

“Holy Merlin’s beard,” James whispered. “She’s beautiful!”

“Should use your Veela powers,” Remus said dryly.

Professor Elway stood, waving and bowing. Elway was indeed very beautiful. She had pale skin and the darkest eyes she’d ever seen; long streaks of waist-length blonde hair that almost resembled silver in the lighting.

James shook his head. “But why is she here? She’s one of the most powerful duellists out there. I’d say she’s on Dumbledore’s level.”

Whiskers turned to lean to Remus, attention briefly drifting over to Black sadly nudging his food with his fork before her eyes flickered to the new Professor. “What happened to Keys?”

“Died, head injury.” Marlene butted in.

Y/N thought back to all the times Keys freaked out about receiving potential injuries. A shiver swept her.

Dumbledore recapitulated. “Some of you know, Professor Elway is a world-renowned Duellist who competed around the world. And thus, we’ve decided that the Duel club will reopen. It will be run by both Professor Elway and Professor Flitwick.

“Now, don’t be fooled. It is strictly against Hogwarts rule to duel anywhere but under the supervision of a Professor or in the Duelling Room in the dungeons. Anywhere else, like the courtyard, will result in immediate suspension or expulsion.”

Dumbledore proceeded to go over the basic rules of Hogwarts.

“Now before we feast, I have a joke. What do you call dangerous precipitation?”

Nobody knew the answer before Dumbledore spoke up again. “A rain of terror! Enjoy your feast. Pip pip!”

A murmur of ‘thank yous’ went round as dishes of fruits, vegetables, bread, meats and flagons of juices appeared out of thin air. Everyone dove in while Nearly Headless Nick watched wishfully.

“Got your braces off! Looking dashing, Pete!” Marlene beamed. Peter mumbled out a thank you.

“Why’dthehatgivethatwarning?” James mumbled, mouth full with spaghetti. Lily and Remus looked revolted.

“In times of need and danger, the hat gives us warnings to unite together.” Lily sneered reprovingly. “You, of all people, should know this by now.”

Sir Nick eventually got bored of Lily and James, now bickering. He shot them a scandalous look at their vulgar choice of words while he grumbled that he could just go to the Bloody Baron if he wanted to hear people bickering as he wisped away.

“So what’d you guys do over the summer?” Marlene asked.

Remus mentioned his trip to his cottage up in Wales; Marlene briefly disclosed her trip to Barcelona and how she developed a love for football. James, fascinated with Muggle sports, moved on from Lily and listened intently to Marlene explaining the basic rules of football. Then Peter mentioned how he visited his sister in Paris before leaping out of a moving plane, skydiving.

“Are you fucking serious?” Y/N blurted out as she listened intently to Peter’s story.

“Not anymore,” Remus cut in, taking the opportunity while forcing down his smile. Y/N covered her mouth to try to muffle her laughter as she leaned into Remus and punched him softly.

“What?” Lily perked in.

“What’s so funny?” James challenged, “What are you laughing at? Did we miss something?”

Marlene opened her mouth. “Don’t… Merlin! Did you and...”

“Wait…” Peter blurted out and leaned over. His voice was so low that she could hardly hear it. “You and Regulus — ?”

Remus was on the verge of tears as he tried to, very miserably, hold in his laughter.

“Wrong brother.”

James stood up abruptly, his glasses fell slightly. “YOU GUYS FUC —” Y/N pushed herself up, nearly jumping over the table to cover his mouth. “Be any louder, will you?” She hissed and shoved him down in his seat.

“That’s like my little sister and ex-step brother fucking!”

“Jesus Christ James!” “Why would you say that? “Ugh, gross!” “What’s wrong with you!”

James whipped his head to look at Remus, giving him a scandalous look. “How did you know!”

“I could smell them on each other! And they weren’t hiding it that well!” Remus said.

“When? When did it happen?” Marlene asked, eager to know if she won the bet. Y/N looked around. When everyone returned to their conversations, that's when she spoke, the coast cleared.

“March.”

“Oh piss off!” Marlene whined. “Your one job was to keep your pants on till April.”

“I won? This is too much.” James said, taking off his glasses. “I’m not sure if I should be happy or appalled right now. Were you guys together, together? Merlin!”

“The daily quarrel turned into the daily tumble…”

Lily was unusually withdrawn and stayed placid during the whole ordeal. Considering Lily was at the forefront, pushing the bets and continuously taunting her about Remus or Black, Y/N expected more… perhaps merriment? Delight? Any kind of response. But she was blank and a horrible, distressed look crossed her face and visibly paled.

“Sorry, I um — I have to excuse myself,” Lily said nimbly, picking up her bag.

When her voice cracked, Marlene stood. “Do you want —”

“No! It’s er — prefect duties.”

“Make sure to take some food with you,” Y/N mentioned. Lily wouldn’t meet her eyes but nodded.

“Oh, do I need to come then?” James asked, genuinely curious.

“Leave me alone, Potter.” Lily moved, the scraping noise of benches moving back, rushing out of the Great Hall.

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The next morning after breakfast, Professor McGonagall went through all the Gryffindor sixth years as she confirmed everyone’s OWL results in hopes to continue with their chosen NEWTs level lessons.

Lily, Remus and Dorcas were almost cleared instantly. Dorcas skipped off to Care of Magical Creatures with Kettleburn.

She contemplated continuing with Care of Magical Creatures, but much to Kettleburn’s dismay decided not to. Remus and Lily went straight to DADA. As she passed, Y/N waved to her, but instead of her usual peppy step, her wave was meek, shy.

Mentioning Lily; she hadn’t come to bed last night — or maybe she did and Y/N fell asleep too fast. Lily was also gone before she woke up and hadn’t spoken more than a few words to her since her little secret of her and Black got out.

Wondering if she was mad at her — it was quickly squashed because Lily didn’t show any signs of being angry, or maybe she was misinterpreting her signs. If anything, Lily looked… sad?

James took a little longer, but it wasn’t for complications with his OWLs — he did well but it was because he was flirting with McGonagall. “Hey, Minnie.”

“Now's not the time, Potter.” McGonagall said, pushing up her square spectacles.

“I can’t keep my love for you a secret anymore. It’s killing me to stay away —“ “Potter! Enough.”

Mary, surprisingly, decided to forego taking DADA this year. It was expected she’d take it since she was a Muggleborn, but she was adamant. Y/N was proud of her for deciding to take charge of her life, even if it was an unpopular sentiment.

Mary hopped her way straight to Divination, despite McGonagall’s uptight voice. Marlene, who was cleared for Defence Against the Dark Arts, decided to stay back to walk Mary to class.

“I’m very pleased with your results. I’m assuming you decided what course of action you’re planning to take?” Said Professor McGonagall as she flipped through her notes. “Charms, Herbology, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Transfigurations, Potions... You did choose everything needed to become a Healer.”

“I’m still deciding. I want to keep my options open.”

McGonagall wanted to say something, presumably encouraging, but she remained silent. With a tap of her wand onto a blank piece of parchment now filled with her new schedule.

She left the table, thanking the teacher and went off to her first class, Defence Against the Dark Arts. But as she walked, she felt someone following her.

“Hi.”

She ignored them, shuffling away. Right now was not the time to grow bitter.

“I’ve been trying to catch you alone.” Black said, his voice unconfident. The lack of confidence was almost unsettling. “Please, can I talk to you?”

Ignoring his pleads, she picked up her pace but frowned as she caught a glimpse of his schedule. He also had DADA.

As they entered the classroom, she sped to James’ side.

“Welcome, welcome!” Professor Elway announced in a singsong voice. She gave an enchanting and charming aura and Y/N already liked her. “Now then,” she walked out of the classroom, the class following her. “Our first lessons will be in the Duelling Room in the dungeons. Follow me, my pupils!”

The Duelling Room was cold and it's only source of light was a hundred candles lining the walls and ceiling. On the side, there was a large table that looked more like a platform for main duels. The walls were dented, large slashes and battered wood from the platform laid around from previous matches.

“Gather round!” Professor Elway walked to the front of the platform, addressing the class coolly. “As you may have guessed by now, your first lesson will be the art of Duelling. To start, tell me, what is Duelling — or a duel?”

Lily raised her hand. “It’s a sport.”

Elway only hummed. “Not only is Duelling a sport but can also save your life one day. Now, what are the ground rules of a wizard’s duel?”

A Hufflepuff spoke, “The two or more participants are expected to bow at the start as a sign of respect and agree to stick to magical means. At the count of three, the duel will officially begin.”

“Perfect! Ten points for Hufflepuff,” clapped Elway.

“Also, non-verbal spells are preferred over verbal spells”

“And why is it preferred?”

“It gives the witch or wizard a split-second advantage,” Remus added.

“And your name is?” “Remus Lupin.”

“Very well, Remus! It can be the difference between life and death. Remember that. Ten points.”

Their professor continued to go over the general basic rules and rehash some old and new spells before dividing the class into pairs. She partnered up with Emmeline, practicing various spells but Y/N had trouble keeping the strength of the spell as it dwindled down and broke off several times.

Elway eventually called everyone back into a large group and choose students randomly to duel in front of the class to assess their abilites. Ultimately, Elway chose Y/N next and she felt her heart freeze.

“I’m not very good at duels…” She said quietly.

“Nonesense!” Professor Elway gave a gentle simper. “Now, now. Everyone has their weaknesses and I’m here to help you build your confidence. Have you ever been in a duel before?”

“I’m not sure you could call it a duel…” She thought back to when she was confronted by Snape and the other Slytherins last year with Remus.

But then the professor suddenly spoke, throwing her off guard. “May I have your wand?” Elway asked.

There were sharp inhales of air as most students were left in shock. Even Y/N gripped her wand tighter. To take another wizard’s wand like that…

The teacher quickly backtracked before realizing how that sounded. “It’s nothing of those sorts! I’ve just never seen a wand like yours. I’d like to know the wood and core.”

Dubiously, she relinquished her want whilst a flash of glee filtered onto Elway’s features. "Aspen and Hornbeam wood! Two different kinds of wood? Your wand must've been made by Shikoba Wolfe, no? Fantastic Wandlore… Always one to make wands one of a kind… What core is it? I can’t tell.”

“Thunderbird.”

“Thunderbird feather core! Oh my!”

“What’s a Thunderbird?” Questioned a student.

“Well, they’re native to North America. They’re related to the Phoenix.” The teacher paused, twirling her wand in her grasp. “May I cast a spell?”

She nodded eagerly. Everyone in the room hid behind Elway meanwhile her wrist swished elegantly as she directed a spell to one of the glass jars on the table on the opposite side of the room.

“Expulso!”

Nothing came from her wand.

The professor smirks, returning her wand. “And fiercely loyal... Right! Now get up to that platform and pick your opponent!”

“I’m not very good at offensive spells.”

“That’s because you haven't gotten the chance to study under me. Go, pick.”

Y/N looked across the room: Remus would’ve been too ambitious, he wasn’t top of his class for nothing. Lily was acting strange and Marlene was too passionate at times which would surely have Y/N flat on her back. There was a high probability she could take on Peter but she didn’t know for sure.

But then her sights drifted around the classroom and latched onto Black who wasn’t even looking at her, just staring at the ground. He would be a challenge, but after everything that happened, he would be perfect if she succeeded.

“Black.”

Remus’ face remained stoic as he tried to piece together her plan, Lily was surprised while Peter scrutinized the scene while James cuffed her shoulder and offered to be her second, seemingly already catching on. Black simply stared wide-eyed and they both strolled up to the platform.

Black bowed so far that she thought his head was going to touch the ground. On the other hand, Y/N barely inclined their head once resuming her position. Black noticed, everyone noticed, but nobody commented.

“Now remember, the only spells that are prohibited are the Unforgivable curses or any spells that may cause your partner severe harm.”

As soon as the countdown ended, Black was reluctant to cast the first spell.

“Bibbidi-boddidi-boo!” She ridiculed, swishing her wand around. Everyone but the Purebloods chuckled.

Black looked particularly perplexed and James muttered behind her, “Is that a spell?”

Maybe it was his pathetic puppy dog eyes that made her want to gouge them out or his false sympathy, but it fuelled Y/N as her hand raised as she put every ounce of power and swung her wand above her head; casting a non-verbal spell that caused Black to dance. His body thrashed while she sent him flying backwards, off the platform, hitting his second and plummeting off the platform.

James was cheering, chanting before she bowed mockingly and leapt off the platform.

“And you said that you were only good at defensive spells!”

Professor Elway eyed her for a bit and nodded her head in approval.

After the bell rang, she and James stuck close to each other. They, along with Lily, had similar schedules but Y/N’s was identical with James’. Lily was just a few steps ahead as she called out her name, even waving, but Lily just picked up her speed, disappearing into the crowd.

Maybe it was because she was with James.

The further they descended into the dungeons and closer to the Potions classroom, the familiar vapours and funky smells and bubbling cauldrons emitted around them. Slughorn instructed everyone to take out their scales, kits and textbooks as she and James immediately partnered up together.

The class was boring as they reviewed the basics and briefly went over last year’s material. Although, Slughorn seemed particularly happy to see her.

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Herbology was next after lunch and then, both she and James had a free period.

“Do you see this? Look how many spares we have!” James gleamed, pointing to his schedule as they sat outside near the Black Lake. “And that stunt you pulled with Black, bellend got what he deserved.”

Y/N nodded her head, closing her eyes as the warm sun glowed on them in the nice cool breeze. She could always count on being relaxed, her true self when she was with James and didn’t feel the need to fill the comfortable silence.

A few hopeful students hopped their way over to James a few times, submitting their applications and their desire to try out on the Quidditch team. But as more submissions James was given, the more uncomfortable he looked.

“You okay, Bambi? Why the long face?”

James flicked through all of the parchment papers so far before he took off his glasses, smudged with fingerprints, and shoved them into his pockets.

There was a long, exasperated sigh while he laid on the grass beside her.

“I’m considering stepping down from captaincy. Or stopping Quidditch all together”

“Are you joking?” She sat up and peered over James whose eyes were closed. “Fat chance! You love Quidditch.”

“It clashes too much with the full moon cycles this year. And now being a prefect and Padf — Black is out of the picture, I need to be there for him.” James said, no hint of resentment in his voice. “I love my friends more than Quidditch.”

Y/N’s mood dampened. James worshiped Quidditch and his reasoning broke her heart.

“Does Lupin consider me a friend?” She turned to James. “He’s my friend and I care about him, but does he feel the same way?”

James’ brows furrowed, confused at why she was bringing that up now. “Of course. Not even a question.”

“Then why don’t I help out when you have practice and games? I already know about his condition and if he’s comfortable enough around me, then I see no problem.”

James perked up at this before a dejected look returned. “Brilliant idea, truly, but Remus… he… he’ll assume he’s a burden.”

“I won’t cross boundaries and we’ll make sure to avoid that. Maybe I can just start coming to visit him in the wing and see how he reacts? Doesn’t go well, we’ll find another solution.”

James agreed, still uncertain and she wondered if her idea was too invasive but James would’ve said something. Instead, to lighten the atmosphere, she grabbed her bag and flipped open the flap.“I have something for you. Been carrying this around the whole day and I just remembered.” She pulled out three different things: a small taxi pin, a snow globe and a rock.

“On Godric’s green earth! No way! Thank you!”

James took his gifts appreciatively and sat upright. “What's this?” He asked before screaming at the fake snowflakes swished around in the snow globe.

“Don’t tell the other’s — they’ll get jealous if you do.”

“I knew I was your favourite.”

“You wish.”

“You’re my favourite too, don’t worry.”

【 Next Chapter 】

Slang dictionary:

The tube: the London Underground transport service

Penny for 'em? = Penny for your thoughts

111 notes · View notes

embrassemoi · 3 years

Text

𝐒𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬

Pairings: Sirius B, F!Reader, Remus L Content: swearing, angst, no proofreading, filler? A/N: i hope your week has been great so far xx

【 Masterlist | Previous Chapter | ao3 】

Chapter 35 ✷ Picture’s Up

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James couldn't recall a time where he felt so drained.

He didn’t even think there was a word to encapsulate just how drained he really felt. Every day, there was a wariness that sunk and immersed itself so deeply within his bones that made it feel like he could hardly breathe.

Day by day, it felt like a part of his sanity was cracking.

Enervated, drowsy, exhausted, knackered, dead on his own two feet… he could go on.

Prefect duties were as dreadful as Remus had said they were and James regretted every time he ever made fun of him for it. It was miserable and karma never hit him harder. Monitoring detentions and rounds were tedious, the tests he had to grade were mind-numbingly boring; all forcing him to lose the little sleep he had.

And then there were the loads of Quidditch practices that once were fun, a way for him to exert his remarkable supply of energy, only became a bit of a nuisance with the overwhelming activities he was forced to juggle.

Working around Moony’s moon cycle...

And then there was the fucking Black family.

The mere mention of their names sent James into a spiral. He’d rather submerge himself into the Black lake and let the giant squid ink all over him than deal with them. But there he was.

He debated for a while, whether or not to tell Black about Regulus but refrained. He was far too stubborn to listen and could make matters worse.

James sighed, leaning into the couch in the common room, running his fingers through his hair.

“Potter.” The ring of Lily’s voice sounded through his ears. James turned around to look at her, feeling his heart accelerate.

“Evans,” he greeted.

“We have rounds in a bit. Don’t be late.”

James simply nodded, not having enough energy to put on a front.

And of course Lily noticed. She noticed his frazzled appearance and lack of energy. There was hardly any banter between them and Lily would’ve thought it was a miracle that his annoying self had vanished, replaced with timorous energy. But if anything, it was disquieting.

She bit the inside of her cheek, forcing out, “Hey, you alright?”

He gave a little audible sound in response. “Yeah. I’ll be there. I just need to make a few arrangements quickly. Meet you by the... Prefects’ bathroom?”

Lily considered him.

“... See you.”

James made his way out of the common room, slipping out the Marauder’s Map. He’d been tracking Regulus’ movements for the past few days now and the only person he went to was Y/N for any substantial amount of time.

He truly had no one else and it ruled out any potential bullying.

Walburga and Orion… Their treatment towards him shocked James. Golden boy Regulus, who would’ve thought?

But even with the Marauder’s Map, it was impossible to keep track of him. He never stayed in one spot long enough to catch, aside from the dungeons and Slytherin common room.

Everything regarding Regulus’ situation forced James to think strenuously. If he were to accidentally say too much of what Whiskers had told him, not only would Regulus close himself off to him, but to her too, leaving them with no clue of his well-being.

And it forced him to worry about Whiskers. She didn’t know what she's getting herself into… What if Walburga and Orion caught word of their friendship?

James shuddered, pushing away the thought. He didn’t want to think about what would happen to either of them.

He continued to watch Regulus’ name travel across the map before ascertaining he was close. He tapped on the map, muttering out ‘Mischief managed’ whilst bolting down the hallways. Each twist and turn exhilarated a nervous adrenaline thumping through his veins as he rehearsed a little speech inside his head.

Before Regulus had time to process what was happening, James had already yanked him back, disappearing into one of the secret passageways.

“What the — Potter?!” He squawked. Pushing him away, James saw the pure panic washed over his features through the shadows.

“I know we don’t have much time,” James rushed, “But hear me out.”

He made no attempt to move but looked around for other students.

“You’ll always have a home with me,” James said easily as if it was the most obvious answer. “With Bla — Sirius — living with me, you’re more than welcome to as well. I understand your situation and —”

“No,” Regulus leered, “I can’t.”

“You can’t or you won’t?” James challenged before easing up. “My family and I are more than willing to protect you, like how we’ve been doing for Sirius.”

And then it stayed silent for a while and he finally let himself take in his appearance.

“Regulus, what happened to you?”

Regulus’ head hung. “All I wanted was to have long hair.”

And then it clicked for James, but he was running out of things to say that were convincing and felt a familiar panic return.

“You miss him, right?” He tried. “I know he misses you. If maybe —”

But when Regulus’ mood suddenly changed, James knew instantly that he had miscalculated.

“Miss me?” Regulus laughed bitterly. “He doesn’t miss me and he has never considered me his brother. You, Lupin, Pettigrew — you’re his brothers.”

He could see the misty tears welding up in Regulus’ eyes and didn’t make a move to stop him when he stormed out from the passageway.

Once Regulus was free from James, he sprinted, blinking multiple times to prevent tears from seeping out. An ache burned inside his chest as he found himself diving into his bed, pulling the curtains shut.

Those unforgettable questions that plagued his mind for a year now played heavily in his mind, like his own personal film.

What made someone good or bad? What did he believe in? Was he strong enough to break from his mould or did he want to? And most importantly, what was he willing to do?

Blood purity…

Regulus closed his eyes. He wished life was a dress rehearsal and there were times to make mistakes and have do-overs without permanent repercussions. To get time to practice and refine life until he explored every avenue. Unfortunately, life had no room for anything but the final performance. Every stumble, every mishap or memory slip was presented to a live audience day by day.

Reopening his eyes, he had his answer.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

A few weeks went by and September was coming to a close. October came with beautiful colours and a chilly breeze.

It felt like every day, Y/N added another reason to be disgruntled and hateful onto her list. It had been a month since she’d last seen her mother and she refrained from sending any letters; waiting patiently to see if she would make the first move.

Nothing.

It was safe to say that it put her into a bad mood that morning.

The walk to Defence Against the Dark Arts with Lily was a quiet one and slightly uncomfortable. However, the uncomfortable bit was more on Lily’s end rather than Y/N who was too wrapped in her anger-induced thoughts.

These days, their lessons were almost exclusively in the Duelling room, filled with practical lessons. Especially today, she was beyond thankful for; eager to have an outlet.

But Professor Elway was unusually keen on inviting her to the Duelling sessions. She was almost as difficult as dodging Slughorn’s Slugclub invites. Luckily, Y/N liked Elway and duelling was electrifying. Even potion making, no matter how much she enjoyed it, was lengthy and mundane.

Mentioning their professor, she wasn’t there that morning when they arrived outside the Duelling room. The students lounged outside the door, taking out their books and wand while they waited.

Remus found himself drifting to her as they quietly chatted away.

“Like your sweater,” she said. In the background, she could hear Marlene and James yelling, “It’s a jumper!”

Remus smiled. “This old thing?” Pointing to the sweater that she knitted. They both giggled a bit; Remus leaned slightly against her, eyes lingering a beat.

“Sorry, I’m late!” Elway called out to them in a dreamy voice. “Everyone, follow me!”

Puzzled, the class looked at each other as they followed their professor away from the dungeons. While they walked, rude and unbearable, Peeves the Poltergeist floated upside down. Once he spotted Remus, he immediately drifted up to him, opening his mouth, no doubt about to hurl all sorts of names or songs at him.

Remus hardly looked at him, already taking out his wand and said lazily, “Waddiwasi!” at Peeves.

A wad of gum shot out from nowhere and landed directly on Peeves before he whirled back from Remus, spewing curses at him.

“Nice one! Ought to teach me that later!” “Almost feel bad for the bloke!” Both James and Peter said at the same time.

Elway had led them outside to a desolate area, free from a canopy of branches and leaves.

“Now, my pupils!” She sang. “You might be wondering, ‘what are we doing out here?’ Lucky for you, we’re going to be practicing a few spells and learning how to fight using other means during duels.”

Like most of the class, Emmeline was skeptical as she raised her hand. “I thought we weren’t supposed to use physical means during duels?”

“Precisely,” said Elway, walking back and forth in front of the class. “Couldn't have said it better myself. But you know who won’t give a damn?”

There was a long pause for effect.

“Your enemies.” She clapped her hands together. “Now, can anyone give us some ideas? How about… Miss L/N?”

Blinking a few times, she hesitated, not expecting to be called on. “Er — you can… take them from the legs?”

“Wonderful idea! I’m thrilled you said that! Does anyone else want to add on?”

Remus raised his hand, answering politely. “Using your arms — stretching them.”

Professor Elway nodded away happily. “Wonderful answer! Take five points! Like Remus said, stretching your arms out or boarding your shoulders, spacing out your legs can widen your defence range! Why don’t we try?”

She called Remus up first and Y/N could tell he was slightly nervous. He doubled down, making himself seem smaller by hunching over and made sure not to accidentally hurt their professor.

A couple of Hufflepuffs, Slytherins and then James, Marlene and Lily all tried; mimicking Elway as she let them knock her over.

“Most importantly,” Elway said, dusting off her robes free from leaves and dirt. She panted a bit, tired from being knocked down multiple times. “Never let the enemy strike first. You all did fantastically!

“Obviously, in any professional setting, you’ll be disqualified if you ever tried to physically attack your opponent. But you can still play dirty in a duel!

“The charm Obscuro has been helpful on several occasions. It blindfolds your opponent. Please repeat after me: Ob-SKOO-roh!”

“Obscuro!”

“Excellent!” Elway gave a little applause, filled with glee. “Another spell that I love is the Confundus charm. Y/N! May you please explain to us the purpose of the Confundus charm?”

“She’s calling on you an awful lot,” Lily muttered.

She nodded a bit. “It confuses your oppent. The varying degree depends on how much magic is put into the initial casting.”

“Perfect! Five points to Gryffindor. If you will tell me about Incendio.”

As she spoke, there was almost a switch that went off in Elway that made her incessantly happy that almost unnerved her.

“Beautiful! Now if you may, help demonstrate the spell?”

“I don’t want to hurt —”

“Trust me, you won’t.”

Then, Y/N felt a deep lurch of fear as everyone retreated against the trees, giving her a clear view of Professor Elway opposed to her, waiting to block her spell.

She took a deep breath in, pushing up the sleeves of her robes, she held her wand.

Professor Elway had a protective spell around her. “One, two, three — now!”

“Incendio!” Only meek sparks shot out of her wand. A few students snickered while her friends were seen trying to drown them out by clapping.

“That was amazing!” Peter called out.

“I wouldn’t be able to do that on the first go!” Marlene shouted.

“That was good! Try again! One, two, three — go!”

“Incendio!” Nothing noteworthy happened. It was embarrassing.

“It’s alright, try again!” Elway said, not letting her go yet. “Think about something that’s motivating!”

Y/N closed her eyes, inhaling deeply and pondered. What was motivating to her? Surely, the want to continue with magic after school was motivating. Or perhaps proving someone wrong?

Proving someone wrong…

She had a lot to prove to her mother.

Instead of her being motivated, a flicker of annoyance and anger flooded her instead. Sensing the change, Elway beamed, her wand held high.

“One —”

Her mother always prioritized everyone and everything above her —

“Two —”

Was never there when it mattered —

“Three —”

There was never much affection. The constant want to please, the low self-esteem made her feel worthless, unloveable, always wanting to run when she got too close — she caused it —

“Now!”

“Incendio!” She bellowed.

A loud crack rippled through the air and caused her to stumble back. A large blast of orange and red flames shot out from her wand. Scorching heat flooded out, causing all the students to jump back as Elway shot waves of water, extinguishing the flames at once. As angry as she had been, glee and pure enjoyment replaced that quickly.

Once the bell rang, the students gathered up their belongings, leaving for their next class. But Elway took a moment, calling out her name, asking that she stay back for a few moments.

James and Lily staggered behind, offering to wait as they talked quietly under one of the willow trees.

They were so civil these days…

“I would’ve offered you a cup of tea,” Elway spoke as she approached her. Her foot tapped against the ground, her eyes far-away, thinking thoughtfully with a sly smirk. “Has anyone told you that you would make for an excellent, excellent duellist?”

Her eyebrows raised and shook her head.

That only prompted her teacher to smirk, in a satisfied sort of way. “You’re exceptionally strong for someone with no experience.”

There was a smug tone to Elway’s voice and she couldn’t quite place what she was getting at.

“Did you know that any professional duellist would kill for your wand? Or even the slight edge you have against them with your talent?”

“Erm… no?” Y/N said. She wondered if Elway needed glasses because surely, she wasn’t referring to herself. “Professor… are you sure you’re talking to the right student?”

She laughed so hard that she had to clutch her stomach tightly. She ignored her question. “My dear, do you have any ideas of what you want to be when you’re older?”

“Not really.”

“I have a proposition for you,” she beamed, flicking her long blonde, almost silver hair out of the way. “Let me take you under my wing, make you into a proper duellist.”

Y/N blinked. She didn’t know what to say and stood there with her mouth gaped.

“Yes, you heard that correctly.” Professor Elway teased. “I’d love to mentor you.”

She sputtered, positively confused and flustered. “I’m not at the top of the class, I struggle with Charms, I’ve never had a huge interest in it — I don’t know the first thing about duelling!”

“That’s what I’m here for, no? And your skill is exceptional and I know a duellist when I see one. You’ve shown the last few lessons that you’re capable of casting very strong spells.

“And do you know what separates a duellist from the masses? Energy, emotions and power. What changed when I told you to think about something motivating? A powerful Duellist may only be out of sheer power and brunt force, but a well-rounded Duellist listens to every part of their body. Their wand, their heart, the emotions that cause them to fight.”

“But —”

Elway flicked her wrist, mildly interested in her excuses. “Anyway, off to your next lesson. Take some time to think about it,” she smiled, clearly not going to take no for an answer. “I’ll be waiting for when you finally agree.”

Both Lily and James took her arms, hooking it with theirs and walked to Potions. They were staring at her, lost for words at Professor Elway’s proposition.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

“Yes, Pettigrew.” McGonagall scolded rather harshly. “The essay is due on Monday.”

Peter averted his gaze, grumbling out a thank you before exiting her office. “Dunno why she’s so strict with me.”

“She wants the best for you,” James tried to encourage as they all headed back to their common room.

Y/N couldn’t care less as she thought about later that night. No matter how hard she tried, Slughorn wouldn’t take no for an answer and she was almost forced to make an appearance at the Slugclub.

Lily was so excited, running through their dorm as she got ready.

Marlene sulked a bit, folding her arms across her chest. She was quiet enough for Lily not to hear, but Y/N heard her clear as day. “That’s not fair. I want to be invited. I want to feel special too.”

“You’re more than special,” Dorcas cut in, rubbing a hand up and down her shoulder. “You’re a star, baby.”

Y/N ignored them, fiddling with a small tube of eyeliner, watching Lily excitedly going through her closest.

Luckily, not only would Lily be there, but Remus, most likely Regulus — however, she doubted they would be able to interact — and funnily enough, James was invited too.

Inside the actual party was decent, a lot better than she expected. There were still the uptight students who thought they were above others, or the Purebloods that judged her when she walked into the room, but it was bearable.

Y/N chuckled as she watched Remus throwback drink after drink, sneakily stealing a few alcoholic beverages meant for the adults. His movements were so discreet that nobody ever suspected him.

She covered her smile behind her glass.

“Hi. It’s been awhile.”

Y/N turned around, and there, Aldrich McLaggen stood wearing a little smile. He trimmed his blond hair to sweep nicely and his cheekbones hallowed out.

“It has. And congratulations, I heard you’re on the Quidditch team.”

“Yes! Chaser - taking over Bell’s position.”

“So… How are you?”

If it was even possible, Aldrich’s smile grew wide. “I’ll be a lot better if I saw your smile tonight?”

She didn’t smile; unimpressed and decided to sip on her drink.

“Yeah,” Aldrich began again, “Didn’t think that would work.”

“A pretty big miss.” She grumbled.

“But I’m getting to know how to impress you in the future.”

Y/N turned to side-eye him. “Hmm? How?”

“How about -” And out of nowhere, he reached behind her ear and pulled out a red rose, handing it to her. Much like a Muggle magician.

She felt a coy smile tug at her lips and forced it down, but failed. “Nice one.”

“Everyone! Please come down and sit!” Slughorn announced, calling to all the students.

He beamed, flashing his teeth. “Don’t hide away again. I’d love to see you again.”

She tilted her head at him, tilting her glass before making her way to find her spot at the table.

The girl beside her had frizzy light brown hair and large glasses that looked like they were from an animated children’s television program. She was draped in a colourful shawl.

“Hi, I’m Y/N.”

But the other young witch smiled brightly, although never quite meeting her eyes as she outstretched her hand. “Sybill Trelawney.”

She shook Sybill’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

But then Y/N took a good look at her and realized, “We’re in the same charms class, right?”

Sybill nodded her head, fingers tapping rapidly on the table. “For two years now. I sit a row behind you. And by the way, you're very pretty.”

She was taken back, a genuine smile spreading over her lips. “Thank you, you look lovely too! I adore your glasses.”

A light blush spread across Sybill’s face, her hand brushing against her glasses. Her eyes peered up for a second before averting her gaze. Y/N couldn’t help but smile, already enjoying Sybill’s presence.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

【 Next Chapter 】

91 notes · View notes

embrassemoi · 3 years

Text

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars • 00

Summary: The year is 1975 and Y/N L/N recently to London, England. As a transfer student from Ilvermorny, it was an understatement to say that she was out of her element. But what happens when you add friendship, love, drama and war together? Only time will tell and we all know that time waits for no one.

Pairings: Sirius Black x [F]Reader, Remus Lupin x [F]Reader

Content: SMUT in later chapters, triggering themes like self-hatred + struggle with mental health + self-harm, language, love triangle, pining, jealousy, fluff, angst, LGBT+ themes, angst, slow burn, slow updates, possible proofreading errors, tags to be added.

Author’s Note: Okay! Some of my readers will be confused, but I went back and re-wrote and added chapters. I suggest re-reading chapters again bc I've added and removed things. To new readers, ignore what was said above and enjoy.

Masterlist: Next Chapter

DISCLAIMER: All original Harry Potter characters are owned and written by J.K. Rowling. I do not own any Harry Potter characters or the story.

SECOND DISCLAIMER: This story will contain MATURE content. It will include themes such as smut, mental health struggles, emotional discomfort and much more (see content). If you are not 18+ and unable to handle such themes, I ask you respectfully to exit this story. It is not my intention to make readers uncomfortable or trigger them anyway. If you continue to read the story despite the multiple warnings, I am not responsible for any triggers that may pop up.

Chapter 00: London You’re a Lady

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

August 25th, 1975

She woke up alone in a dark room, the disgusting feeling of sweat covered her entire body in a thin sheen that immediately made her sit up and stretched; feeling the ache and pop of her joints. The high humidity of the weather irritated her greatly and already put her in a bad mood.

Her window was the only source of air; cracked open to the fullest while the mesh kept out all the bugs hoping to suck on her skin. She looked out of it, meeting the view of beautiful trees and a pretty backyard. Bright, big and healthy flowers were blooming before her eyes hopped from rooftops to rooftops of other houses. Less than a few minutes up ahead was a small forest that she explored and went through a couple of times. The view was beautiful until she heard the faint sounds of raining droplets hitting the rooftop before it came down pouring, again. The skies are always covered by soft puffs of depressing, unwelcoming and sombre clouds that cloak the bright, happy sun.

Sticky, gloomy, grey and rainy. That pretty much summed up London, England as a whole.

She really, really did not like London.

At first, she loved the idea of moving there. The posh accents portrayed in movies by hot and famous actors, the tall buildings made of steel seemed cool and the colourful houses lined in Notting Hill were adorable. Hell, even the Queen lived there! Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle seemed pretty cool. But then there were minor inconveniences that built up over time.

First, it was the shitty food. Maybe she hadn’t found the good restaurants yet, but there were hardly any multicultural options. Just bread and beans and coffee and tea. It turned into a great area of concern, what if the food at Hogwarts was also shit too? Then it was the mass amount of rain, but she expected that. Next, it was the horrible traffic and manic drivers. The cyclists were insane, zipping through red lights and one even flipped her off for simply walking across a streetwalk and ‘cutting them off’ despite there being a bike lane. Then it was the fast-paced life. Everyone was always on the move, always in a hurry to get somewhere and the rush never seemed to stop, not even for a second. Afterwards, there was this sort of pressure she felt every time she opened the front door; becoming exhausted quickly. The people were even worse. Canadians had their problems, but her accent seemed to deeply offend random civilians, causing them to sneer at her in disgust. Rude and impatient: that was her first impression of the British. She could argue that London was even worse than New York. With the small build-up of annoyance that kept pilling on rapidly, it was safe to say that she hated London.

Stupid British stereotypes, she thought inwardly. All fake, it’s never like the movies.

Although, she hoped that she only nit-picked the place because she missed her comfortable and familiar house in Toronto.

When Y/N L/N originally moved to England from Canada with her mother, she was beyond excited but it was dampened with the feeling of sadness. While she was excited to start out somewhere fresh and new and attend a new school, she also had to start fresh and new. She was a stranger and out of her element.

Her mother was a Cardiothoracic surgeon and moved for a job opportunity to become chief of Cardiothoracic surgery. The placement was something she worked years to achieve, her mother’s dream job. There was no way she was going to let the opportunity slip through her fingers, and Y/N would never have asked her to do so.

She loved her mother and to some extent, wanted to follow in her footsteps, but ever since her new job position, her scheduling had been filled and overbearing. She was often roped into unplanned and unexpected surgeries. She had hardly seen her, let alone eat a meal together since they moved less than a month ago.

Like any other No-Maj parents, her mother was beyond shocked to find a couple of odd men and women at her doorstep, wearing outdated and strange clothing, claiming that her daughter possessed magical powers. Who wouldn’t be surprised, especially her, a believer in the hard facts and science.

Then she picked at her nails, recalling every happy memory of her time at Ilvermorny and her life in Canada. She missed her old house, her old friends, the old maple trees in the backyard and the tire swings she and her mother hung on them, creating a make-shift swing.

Specifically, she missed her friend Matthew. They’d been friends for years and some of her most memorable, happiest memories contained him or Ilvermorny in some way.

Y/N gaze drifted away from her window and to the letter sat on top of her dresser, her acceptance letter to Hogwarts, a hard-cover book called Hogwarts, A History and her owl Celeste. She walked up and grabbed her acceptance letter, re-reading it again.

HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore

(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chief Warlock,

Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. Of Wizards)

To Ms. Y/N L/N

The Empty Room with the Large Windows

8 Union Drive

City of London

Dear Ms. L/N

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl no later than 31 July.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

It had been a lengthy process to transfer schools. Her headmistress, Alexis Lambkins, was a plump woman with curly hair and tan skin. She had been in contact with her soon-to-be headmaster, Professor Dumbledore. Both had been sending letters back and forth, arranging details of her schooling and more.

Of course she heard of Albus Dumbledore, who hadn’t? It was daunting, though — having a wizard of that status inquire about her for months.

She sighed, folding it in half again before slipping it back into the envelope, fanning herself with the letter.

She had yet to unbox anything, opting to leave everything packaged up, ready to be taken for easy access. She was about to be whisked away into a new school for almost an entire year and saw no point unboxing everything only to have to pack again, especially since she was set to leave in a week.

The move had been a lot for her to adjust to. Opening the boxes would just be another reminder, too. Every morning when she woke up, there was always a sharp rise of emotions jabbing at her chest as she realized she wasn’t in her bed. An expectation was there that she would suddenly wake up and be back home.

Home.

In moments like these, while she was proud of her New-Maj heritage, she wished her mother was a witch too. A part of her thinks — knows that her mother would be around more often and more understanding. Plus, she could Apparate around instead of taking the crowded buses filled with rude and impatient Brits.

She remembered a transfer student that came from Hogwarts back in her third year. He’d move to the States permanently. She didn’t remember him much, he’d been a sixth year and only spoke with other sixth and seventh year students. Although she did remember him being nice, there were other transfer students from Japan and France there that she may have been mistaking him for.

Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, she followed her morning routine, showered and put on clean clothes. Y/N roamed around the house before finding herself in front of the fridge. Empty, aside from a few condiments. She sighed as she felt her stomach grumble. Thinking of what to do, she drummed her fingers against the wooden table counter before walking to the living room. A bright-coloured couch was pushed back to the wall, a glass coffee table sat in front of it, a few magazines and medical journals from her mother were flipped open. She lent down, grabbing the remote to the television and clicked it on.

She flicked through the channels, most of them were cheesy soap operas or movies. At one point, she came across the Animated Star Trek series; her eyes lingered for a while before skipping the channel until she landed on the weather forecast.

She tossed the remote back onto the couch, walked up to her room, grabbed her wallet, keys, cassette player and her wand, shoving it into her pocket and hid it from view. That was one thing she liked about London, she was able to keep her wand instead of handing it over every summer to her headmistress.

Walking to the door, she slipped on her runners no — trainers. Yes, because that’s what they called them here; trainers. At least the British had cute slang and phrases. Then, picked up an umbrella from the stand and opened the door. She looked at her reflection in the shiny knob. There was someone there, copying her movements, but it wasn’t herself.

With a click; ready to grab a few groceries for her but mostly her mother. She wanted to restock so her mother didn’t need to worry about groceries after she came home — or well, enough to last her for the week after Y/N was set to leave. Opening an umbrella and shoved her earbuds into her ears, she walked to the nearby crossing street, waiting patiently for the light to turn green. Once it did, a driver came swerving out of nowhere, almost hitting her. She rubbed her hand on her forehead, irritably.

Shitty fucking London.

She crossed the road and walked into the first shop that had electric fans on display and bought one before going to the local grocery shop.

208 notes · View notes

embrassemoi · 3 years

Text

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars • 15

Pairings: Sirius Black x Remus Lupin x [F]Reader Content: Language, switches between UK + US slang, head-hopping Author’s notes: None!

Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter 15: Date, Snog, Shag

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

That morning when dawn broke, their dorm was already wide awake. Dorcas had fallen ill, sneezing and coughing the entire night which kept everyone up. That morning was worse, they awakened to her vomiting into a bin in the bathroom. Y/N quickly got to her feet and pushed back any strand of hair that may cloud her vision and avoid it from coming into contact with her mouth while running a hand down her back. Dorcas gripped the side of the bin while Lily ran to grab a Healer. What made matters worse was that Dorcas wanted everyone to leave the room, far too embarrassed and didn’t want to get anyone sick, but oddly she let Marlene stay with her until the Healer came to down her in potions.

Lily went off to find Sirius and Y/N didn’t stick around long enough to see him, leaving her to make her way down the stairs, bumping into James and Remus before they shortly engaged her into their lighthearted conversation.

“Wait,” she tried to stifle her laughter, feeling her eyes go wide, “You’re — you’re part Veela?”

“One quarter-Veela. My Grandma was full Veela but you can’t pass the gene down through males so my father didn’t inherit it and neither did I.”

“Prongs?!” Exclaimed Remus. His hands flung out and punched him in the shoulder, causing James to cry out, “I’ve known you for four years and you never once thought to tell me?”

“I’m sorry! It never came up.”

Light laughter danced between Y/N and Remus, warming the wintery atmosphere. His soft green eyes locked onto her, sharing a fleeting glance while he balled his hand into a fist, his thumb sticking out, directing it to James. They burst out into another fit of giggles at their newfound information while James surveyed the both of them; they looked like children up to no good.

“Ooo,” Remus taunts, “Gonna use your Veela powers on me? You’re just so irresistible to look at!” His smile is cocky as his eyes become animated, looking down at James while clasping his hands together. He sighed mockingly, “Dreamy.”

“Oi! Fuck you.”

“Pay me?” He winked.

James choked while Remus flipped him off.

Y/N found herself struggling to even out her breathing. Her voice was strained with amusement. “You can’t pick a fight, can’t you? Your middle name is Fleamont —”

“What’s wrong with that?! That’s my father’s name!” In the background, Remus snorts.

“— And you have Veela blood and you can’t woo Lily?”

James’ face burns with embarrassment while his friend can barely form a coherent sentence. His head is thrown back as his body racks with silent waves of laughter. Then, Remus slapped a hand to his forehead, groaning loudly before slumping down at a table beside Y/N. “Why did you say the L-word in front of him?”

He reached out for his usual cup of coffee, splashing a dash of milk. She watched as he stirred it, the liquid turning from black to a tawny brown. With a couple of teaspoons of sugar, he brought it to his lips and sighed in pure bliss.

“Actually, I’m thinking of asking out that Ravenclaw over there,” James points, taking the bench opposite. Just then, their eyes followed his. He made eye contact with a Ravenclaw who had jet black hair. Her curls were large, delicate and she had silky skin that reminded Y/N of a rich brown topaz. Pretty royal blue flower pins were placed in her hair, keeping strands of it from falling into her face and highlighted her deep blue eyes that seemed almost mystical. A bright, flashy, sweet smile crossed her face as she looked down bashfully and then turned to her gaggle of friends. Leave it to Potter to flatter the ladies. “Her name is Emmeline Vance.”

Remus and Y/N looked at each other, their eyebrows raised. They both briefly recognized her from their study group and she was in her Charms class. Very shy and very smart, that’s what their first impression was of her. James’ eyes darted between them, noticing their shared non-verbal response before an odd look flashes on his face. “What? Look, I’ve asked Lily out two times — she declined each time. I don’t want to harass her if she keeps saying no. Besides, it doesn’t hurt to have some new blood.”

“Well,” Remus clears his throat, “That’s surprisingly mature of you. It was about time.”

James tended to breakdance on thin ice, and that thin ice was Lily. He’d make a fool out of himself or pull antics but now that she thought about it, James never actually asked Lily out during her time at Hogwarts thus far. God was he annoying when it came to her and Y/N felt a sense of relief for everyone; James, Lily, the rest of the marauders — anyone who had to deal with James at any given moment, but most of all, Lily.

She wanted to half-hug him on her behalf.

Just then, a woosh came from the upper windows as hundreds of owls soared in. They fluttered from all over the hall, some even made fancy loops and dives to impress the other owls and students before dropping sodden letters and parcels off to their owners. They shook off the snow from their wings, rapidly melting and sprayed droplets everywhere while the owls began to hoot with each other. Celeste was nowhere to be seen, but that was expected. Either she was making a long road from Ilvermoerny with a letter from Matthew, her mother had yet to respond to her letters, or that she slept soundly in the owlery. She couldn’t blame her, it was a mess outside. However, a familiar owl who delivered the Daily Prophet swooped in, dropping a copy onto James’ plate.

He unfurled the newspaper, eating a green apple (which had a few Slytherins sending him dirty looks) as his eyes scanned over the title before eyeing her and then swiftly back to the paper. His brows were pulled tightly together, lips pursed with worry and suddenly, James’ mouth went dry as the air around him grew thick.

Y/N plucked a few pancakes from a nearby dish onto her own. They were warm and smelt delightful. Slathering on a generous amount of syrup, she cut them into small pieces with a fork, eating them before Remus passed her a bowl of strawberries to her, offering before taking some himself.

They chatted back and forth but there was something about Remus today that seemed off, but she couldn’t quite place it. His eyes shimmered a pretty golden colour, very different from his usual overpowering green hues.

Similar to Toulouse.

By the entrance walking in was Peter, Marlene, Lily and Sirius. Sirius scrunched his nose several times, running a hand through his blond hair at whatever Peter said. A few times, Y/N almost mistaken him for another person. Just then, they made the slightest eye contact which had them both stare, unwanting to break it first. This game had been going on for a couple of days now and a silent way of communicating their shared dislike while effectively avoiding a huge blowout fight. Last time, Sirius won and she was determined to win their stupid, silent game.

Sirius dropped his hand to his side, the light bounced off his silver rings as Marlene pushed him, laughing, which startled Sirius, causing him to look away. She smirked: point earned.

Y/N: 1

Sirius: 1

Peter’s eyes crinkled; he held a stack of parchment while Lily looked over to Snape sitting at the Slytherin table, waving.

It was so painfully obvious that Snape liked Lily in a manner far too friendly for her to just be considered a friend which had Y/N pressing her lips together tightly. His body perked up and he tried to straighten out his hunched-over posture; skin pinking as bright as bubblegum pink while his eyes travelled down to glance at her mouth quickly.

She shivered, ew.

“Morning you beautiful tossers,” Marlene chirped, bringing her hands down harshly on the table. Her nails were painted a cobalt blue that she recognized Dorcas wearing this morning while she held her bin. The impact had fruit bowls, mugs and goblets shook before Remus huffed, picking up his mug to prevent the liquid from spilling out. He looked over to Marlene with a deadpan expression.

“Hiya.”

Marlene swung her bag over her head and onto the table, sitting down on Remus’ side. Sirius went to sit by James, creating a barrier between him and Lily while she reached up and began braiding his hair, pulling it into a low messy bun before grabbing a green hair tie from his wrist. “Thanks, Carrots.”

Lily smacked the side of his head which had Y/N thinking she should have hit him harder.

This caused a ripple effect; Remus perked up and he tapped her on the shoulder cautiously, “I think I found a spell that can reverse the potion on your hair. Do you want me to try?”

Honestly, her ever-changing colourful hair had grown on her over the past couple of months, but the idea of being able to control it again seemed nice. She imagined having to attend something as extreme as a funeral — having to dress in all black but her hair flashing outrageous neon colours like a disco ball.

With a nod he brought his wand out, pointing it to the top of her head. He focused and his eyes fluttered shut for a split moment, channelling all of his magic into one place. But instead of her normal hair colour, it grew in length, volume and size. Currently a light peach colour, it grew and grew, now swallowing her body whole and now covered the table and floor. It soon made its way to drown out Remus. Other students looked over to the scene, amazed and curious while James went pink as Emmelin glanced his way.

Looks like she's stuck with this forever. “Christ — you mind?!”

“My bad, my bad!” Thankfully, unlike James, Remus had a reversal spell at the ready. Everyone laughed once it went back to normal before Sirius snickered, muttering something under his breath. Lily whispered something into his ear using a low warning tone, tugging at his sleeve. However, Sirius wiggled out of her grasp. But rather than his usual cold tone, his voice was lighter and more in a mocking tone rather than its mean typical scoff.

There was a noticeable shift in their interaction that did not go unnoticed. They weren’t as vile to each other and Sirius seemed overall calmer — nicer, even. His voice wasn’t as sharp and she assumed that whatever anger he stored must have subsided greatly over the break.

As they looked at each other, there was this burn within both of their eyes, but instead of it being a threat, it was borderline taunting. His grey eyes weren’t as stormy as before and even a little blue decided to take over more often. The scar on his forehead healed completely along with whatever mark was on his hand. Although, the dark circles under his eyes stayed.

There was almost a sliver of a smirk that made his entire aura seem softer, lighter even.

If he wasn’t such a moody brat, he might be attractive.

“If you’re going to be a dick, at the very least have the courage to say it louder. For one, I love what you did with your hair. How did you get it to stick out of your nose like that?”

“For the love of Merlin. Here we go again…”

“Oh why don’t you —” “The Daily Quarrel,” said Peter listlessly. Y/N and Sirius’ bickering was too loud to hear it and they didn’t top for a while. Soon enough, it became background noise, like someone had left on the T.V for comfort while they worked. James and Lily looked at each other, he shook his head while Lily mirrored similarly. Marlene had her eyebrows raised while Remus looked at the scene amusingly, eating a piece of buttered toast.

“You bloody fucking lunatic —”

“Oh, okay, sure — I’m the crazy one,” she paused before quickly adding on, “At least I don't smell like a wet dog!”

“At least I don’t smell like a wet dog!” Sirius mocks in an awfully high overpitched American accent. “Like you smell any better you poisonous little toadstool!”

Remus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He looked like he wanted to say something and there was slight annoyance burning in his piercing eyes. “Are you guys done yet —”

“— deep as a puddle.”

“Wow, like that was original.”

“Looky here! It’s the new Einstein.”

“For Godric Gryffindor, himself, will you two please cut it?!” A random Gryffindor interjects as they slammed their hand down on the table. “Me, unlike the pair of you, am tired and I need to focus on studying for the OWLs — not hearing you lot scream at each other! Job prospects, people, job prospects!” “Shut it!” The entire group snapped at them.

“Well you, unlike us, are a bellend — little git. Mind your business.” Sirius hissed. “We’ll have a go at each other if we want to. Maybe you can put your nose somewhere else!

“We have plenty of job prospects, especially these lot —” he points to her, Lily and Remus, “— are in the Slug Club. At the very least if that doesn’t prove to you that even the Professors believe we have plenty of talent and a prosperous future then I don’t know what will. I don’t see how this involves you.”

The outburst had been louder than the volume he used with Y/N, so it made her flinch. A few others seemed a little startled, Peter even slipped sideways off the bench.

The Gryffindor got up and swung his school bag over his shoulder and trudged to another table cursing them under their breaths. The unexpected anger that flared in Sirius so unexpectedly no doubt even defending her slightly, shocked her. How had he gone from making fun of her being in the Slugclub to now praising her for it?

“Wipe that look off your face,” he added.

She rolled her eyes and was about to speak before James slapped the back of Sirius’ head and Marlene threw an apple at Y/N.

“Yes, they were a git, but take their advice and shut the fuck up!”

They huffed out and their fidgeting settled. “Okay,” she grumbled out but stopped the urge to apologize. Out of all people, Sirius Black did not deserve an apology from her. Where was hers? She didn’t get one so why did he? Hadn’t people realized that all she did was keep her mouth shut to not cause problems most of the time? At the very least, she’d caught on that something was going on with Sirius and been doing everything not to curse him out because of it. She’d been going through an extremely hard time too! Granted, she never made it vocal and came late into the group, but still! Moving to a whole new country, to a new school, leaving all her friends behind, the house that she loved, her absent mother who seemed to forget she existed and now facing blood-prejudice — she deserved some sort of applause for not freaking out on people despite Sirius doing so! Where was her shitty apology?

Poor Sirius, aw baby Sirius — Sirius is a good guy! Sirius this, Sirius that — don’t be mean to him, he’s having a hard time and we don’t know why he’s being an asshole! Bullshit.

Peter wiggled around lazily while James set down the newspaper and folded it before shoving it into his bag. “Pass me it?” he asked, reaching over to grab it from James’ bag.

“Wait, Pete —”

His hand came and snatched the paper from his grasp. In bold, black fonts, it said: Death Eater Kills 5 Muggleborns.

“Merlin,” he said out loud, dropping the newsletter down only to have Lily swiftly take it from him. Her eyes widened in horror and she clutched the paper, trembling in a mixture of emotions. Y/N saw a glimpse of the moving pictures and suddenly, she felt her heart hammer against her chest but she couldn’t peel her eyes away; the destruction, the scene of their bodies being sent off in bags…

Peter began, chewing at his lip, “This is crazy. Maybe they ought to be more careful.”

“They? You mean the likes of me?” Lily said sharply. Her body tensed and her hands gripped the wooden table tightly — so tight that her knuckles went white and the girls thought she was about to hex Peter. “Blood-status should mean nothing. At the very least I thought you were smart enough to understand that. Prosecute the Purebloods for letting this happen!”

“Woah, Evans! Of course, I know that” he said, shrinking down submissively. “They ought to —” there was a brief pause “— hammer down on the purist but I meant that as a concern! Just look at them!” Peter ushered his head towards the Slytherins. Y/N turned against the table; several Slytherins were watching them.

As a Muggleborn, she and Lily were among some of the students that had been targetted as the result of the rampant blood-purist attacks since the beginning of their school career. Although, while Ilvermorny and her time in North America were not perfect in any way shape or form — hell, there were laws that prevented you from marrying New-Majs — she had never had to face blood prejudice like this. It was never so direct, so open so… approved, almost.

It was clear, though, the drastic switch and ever since she began spending time with more Puebloods like James, Marlene and Peter and just by association being seen around Sirius, put her into an odd place. Being around that many of them did not help her situation. The purist would grit their teeth, baffled how pure magic like them, stemming from some of the oldest Pureblood wizarding families, could want with them; others snarled but were so quiet that Y/N couldn’t hear. But seeing their entire group together now, aside from the absences of Dorcas and Mary, mixed with various blood-statuses seemed to anger them, deeply.

Her eyes bounced off of them, some were staring at Lily, some at James, some mouthed blood-traitor before gossiping with their friends and a few even looked in her direction before averting their eyes.

Mulciber was there, his eyes hopping from person to person in search of someone in particular. Avery was off talking to another boy that she vaguely knew the name of, Notts. However, she noticed Regulus’ absence. Really, she hadn’t seen him anywhere near the Great Hall since December nor did he ever come back to the library. But, Snape was, but he wasn’t staring at any of the Muggleborns, but directly at Remus. Y/N turned to look back at him, but Remus didn’t seem to notice.

It unnerved her. Creepy as fuck indeed.

“Fuckin’ creeps,” Remus said out loud. James clenched his jaw, hard, as his eyes swept over Y/N and then to Lily.

“Merlin, do I hate Purebloods,” Sirius adds in. Out of all the Purebloods sitting at their table, he seemed the most angered and disgusted.

“Cheers to that,” James adds.

Then, Mary entered the hall, taking a seat next to Marlene. Her gaze hopped around from person to person: they all looked either angry or disappointed. She decided to keep quiet and looked over to the Daily Prophet still in Lily’s grip.

“At least nobody in my family is dating their cousin.” Lily spits out. That caused the thick tension to break within the group.

Peter cuts in, trying to steer the conversation out of dangerous waters. “D’you know what you want to do after Hogwarts? I heard we get to pick out what NEWTs we want to do next year. I think I would be… I’m not sure.”

“Quidditch player,” James blurts out, “Or maybe an Auror.”

“Travel the world,” Marlene says with a grin.

“Same!” Sirius says. “I’d like to get a motorcycle, drive around the world in it.”

“I might work in the Muggle world — move back to Canada or the States. At this rate, I’m not sure I’ll get a magical job here. Not if the war doesn’t die down soon.” Y/N says a bit grimily. Her mind raced, not fully taking in the severity of what happened. Perhaps she should write to her mother about it…

James looks down defeated before addressing the group loud and strong. “Don’t think like that — we’re going to win the war.” “No, she’s right.” Mary corrects, “That’s all we’ll ever be to them. Nothing more than a pathetic Muggleborn. We ought to think carefully about our future.” That quickly shut the entire table up.

There was a strange look on Lily’s face as she looked at James before blinking, and then it was gone.

“What would you be?” Mary tries to continue.

“I’m not sure. I’ve thought about being a Healer though. If I chose a Muggle job, then I would most likely go to med school. My path has basically been carved out for me.”

“If we’re talking about Muggle jobs, I think I would like to be a model or an actress. Something that’ll bring me fame.”

“That’s because you're self-centred,” Lily jokes.

“Well I looked this good, why wouldn’t I show it off?”

Over time, something about Y/N was that both a blessing and a curse was that she was able to pick up on the little things most of the time. She was observant and she liked that, but most of the time it left her spiralling with unanswered questions or overhearing something she really did not need to hear.

She noticed how James truly wasn't lying about branching out as his eyes drifted from Lily and back to the Emmeline, wearing a smoulder.

She noticed how Peter seemed to hate anything that had to do with citrus and how’d he curl in on himself whenever someone jokingly waved a slice of lemon in his face. Especially now as Sirius waved an orange at him.

She noticed how Dorcas and Marlene often wore the same nail polish and noticed the little moments Lily and Sirius shared.

But most of all, she noticed that throughout the whole ordeal of the group imagining their future, not once did Remus speak up. In fact, he looked down at his coffee, now gone cold and noticed the tight grip he had on the handle. It looked like it was about to shatter if he squeezed down any harder. Remus looked small despite his tall and lanky frame, looking beyond troubled as his jaw clenched every other moment.

“You okay?” She asked earnestly.

He looked at her, a bit surprised before nodding his head and looked to the blizzard outside. “Tired, but what’s new?”

She could tell he was lying but didn’t push. Remus typically didn’t speak unless spoken to and seeing him like that made Y/N feel a tinge of sadness. She’s always liked Remus — would even go as far as to say he’s a friend after the whole snowball fiasco with Snape. She contemplated a few ideas of how to distract him for a little while; it was the least she could do.

“What book do you suggest I read?”

This caught his attention. “What?”

“I see you reading all the time and it’d be nice to start reading something other than OWL textbooks.”

Remus nodded, his mood brightened significantly and quickly picked up his bag from the ground and pulled out two books: The Lord of the Rings and a beat-up copy of Frankenstein.

“You like Lord of the Rings?” She asked. He did not seem like the type to enjoy it. She picked up the book and turned it over, her fingers gliding on the sides of the binding.

Remus excitedly shook his head up and down. “Y’know, I bet Gandalf and Dumbledore are related.”

“Oh my god! You’re right!”

“Both are old —” Y/N laughed at that. “— Both have splendid beards and great hats.”

“What if they’re brothers.”

“Or Dumbledore is secretly obsessed with himself and co-wrote it.”

“Anoraks,” Marlene adds.

Remus swiftly moved on to his next mini-rant, “So what do you think about it? Quite polarizing. Tolkien is good at creating such a consistent background — by far one of the better high fantasy novels I’ve read.”

She hums in half agreement, “I agree but at times it can be quite bland but I’ve never read something quite as similar. But I think I like Narina better.”

“Narina? I respect that but creating a world like middle-earth —” he continued to ramble about his book, critiquing it before swiftly moving on to talk about Narina and a few other classics he loved. Y/N was just glad he didn’t look so troubled now and a small smile was brought to her lips.

Meanwhile, Sirius watched the two and felt that same irrational jealousy take over him in a nasty way that made him want to scream. To him, Sirius saw L/N as someone that constantly took away his time with his mates. First, it was James; they always spent time with each other, sat beside each other in class, made jokes, James even asking to invite her to join in some of their pranks; treating her like he does with him! Then, it was Marlene and Lily and he'd caught onto her brief interactions with Regulus. Regulus! Out of all people! That was more than enough to question her morals. But now, she had her eyes set on Remus! Couldn’t she just find her own friends and stop meddling her way into his life?

Not to mention that she was rude, annoying and seemed like she thought she was better than everyone else.

But deep down, rationally, Sirius knew his jealousy was childish, but she felt like the shiny new toy that left Sirius feeling replaced. He would never admit it out loud, but he felt slightly threatened, just a bit as he watched her grow close with his dear friends, just like he did once before.

But then, he snapped back to his rational senses and almost felt bad at the way he’s treated her. From the insults, names, pranks, cutting her off and taking his anger out on her, he almost felt horrible. Almost. He would then think back to what she did to him; from the insults, names, pranks, cutting him off and taking her anger out on him. And then, he remembered why he didn’t feel that bad. But at the same time, could he truly hate someone that made Remus, who sulked and moped around, smile on days leading up to the full moon?

Sirius also had the talent to notice the little things.

He noticed the way she brought Remus into a conversation and encouraged him to talk about something he enjoyed. He noticed how she treated Lily such a rare kindness or how she let James ramble on about Quidditch when nobody else would listen. He’d notice her playful side, her stubborn side and the side that he recognized a little too well; the ‘bury your emotions’ side.

Today, Sirius noticed the way her eyes were slightly lidded with sleep. Her smile turned large and laughed at Remus’ jokes. For a moment, a cursory moment when he felt unguarded, Sirius let himself feel the warmth that radiated from her.

If she wasn’t such an annoying brat (which Sirius grudgingly half-admitted to being the main cause), she might be attractive.

But just like that, he’s in control again and pushed away the thought.

James yet again observed the two strangely like he did earlier. As Remus flicked through the pages of the book searching for a particular passage, she felt him nudge her under the table.

What? She looked at him bewildered and swung her leg back. Footsie with James was definitely something she did not expect that morning.

James shook his head again, wearing a large smirk as his eyes flashed over to Remus and back to her. His eyebrows were raised.

What?

Nothing, he said with a look.

Y/N scrutinized him, turning her head away to watch from her peripheral vision of James repeating his actions with Remus. But instead of nudging him like he’d done to her, James must have kicked him hard since Remus jerked up and was about to scold him before his eyes flashed to her and back.

The bell rang and everyone got up from their seats, ready to start their classes. Lily drifted to her side and Y/N made sure to grab a few snacks she knew Lily would want during their break and made a note to check in on Dorcas during lunch. They headed to Artimacy along with the other marauders and Marlene.

She was already dreading the long day and it was worse that her schedule was jammed.

Once they passed the Charms classroom, all the marauders headed inside before Marlene caught her wrist, whispering lowly into her ear. “I need to talk to you later.”

Without any kind of explanation, Marlene then rushed into Charms. This caused a rush of nerves to burst instantaneously.

“What was that?” Lily queried, her nose in her diary for the upcoming events that day.

“Ugh — nothing? Marls wanted to talk about something, probably Quidditch.”

“Uh-huh,” she muttered absentmindedly before finally closing her book once they reached class and greeted Professor Vector. Vector wore her usual red robes and large pointy hat before droning on and on. Her strict voice kept everyone on their toes, effectively silencing the class, lecturing them without pausing for a second. Lily seemed to be the only person able to keep up with Vector and more than a few times, Y/N’s eyes sneakily trailed to copy down her notes. Not so sneakily, Lily noticed and tutted before giving her a good glance at her neat scrawl. By the end of the class, they were flooded with fifteen inches of parchment and additional reading.

Next was Defence Against the Dark Arts, which today Y/N felt herself listening closer than usual. Her mind bustled with that damned Daily Prophet article. Every perfectly printed word replayed in her mind. She felt uneasy and weary and she didn’t want to be alone in the hallways anymore.

Professor Keys was every bit of a tosser that Remus had said he was. Instead of the harsh lecturing and rambling Vector went on (that at the very least was educational and professional), Keys kept talking about head injuries: hitting your head by accident, rolling off the bed while sleeping, a bat to the head, a Bludger to the head, getting into a crash, magic gone wrong! He’d even gone as far as wearing a biking helmet which caused Y/N and Marlene to giggle while James plastered a small note onto the back of the helmet (while Remus asked a question to distract Keys) that said: hit me!

At some point, he’d even addressed her in front of the entire class.

“Your mother is a Muggle, right? A doctor — Slughorn told me.”

“Yes, wh —” “Keep her close. If you ever have a head injury, you’ll be fine — SAFE! Yes, yes! Safe! That’s what we all strive to be — safe! Especially from head injuries!”

“She’s cardio, not neuro,” she muttered under her breath.

But like always, Keys returned to his lesson that was quite enthralling.

“The Reductor curse is a blasting curse that can blow up solid objects into pieces,” Keys paced impatiently along the length of the classroom. “It is extremely powerful and many skilled wizards use this to get past obstacles. Now, for many, MANY, obvious reasons this spell needs to be exercised with care. You can find yourself wandering the halls only to have the floors turn to fine mist. There, you may hit your head and we all talked about how hitting your head is bad.

“I will say the incantation, but you mustn't say it, not until I give you the go-ahead.

“It’s Re-DUCK-toh — repeat it with me!”

“Re-DUCK-toh!”

“Excellent!” Professor Keys showed the hand movements, swishing his wand into a lopsided V shape while they all copied. Marlene swished her wand around fluidly, Remus watched intently while James fiddled around with his wand.

“Here’s an example — REDUCTO!” A jet of orange light had shot up from the end of Key’s wand and turned his desk into complete ash. His photo frames and trinkets all cluttered to the floor as everyone stared in amazement.

Now, everyone was off to their own devices, attempting to shoot the spell themselves. No student had yet to successfully cast it.

“Remember the wrist movement!” Keys squeaked as he made his rounds around the classroom.

It was difficult. Y/N had only managed to spark an orange ball of light from the top of her wand but nothing more. She channelled all her rage into it, but perhaps it was that very rage that clouded her magic. She was never great at offence spells, rather her talents lying in defensive spells.

On the other hand, James shoved a hand into his pocket, kicking around at the air while Marlene became so impatient that she prodded her wand, only to have it almost snap in half and have fire emit from the tip, burning her hair — Remus had to put it out.

“Crackpot! Key’s lost it! This could get someone killed!” Marlene shouted. The smell of her brunt hair filled their noses as they sniffed in the unpleasant smell. Y/N conjured a small gust of wind and pointed it out the open classroom door, ridding the brunt smell of hair with fresh air before cracking open a window.

“Thanks, love. Now — I have to talk to you.” Marlene swings her arm over her shoulder and ushers Remus over; as expected, James follows. “As we know, Lily’s birthday is on the thirtieth. What should we do? I was thinking of a party.”

“For fuck sakes!” Y/N felt her entire body relax, “You could’ve been less cryptic.”

“It was for dramatic effect.”

“Sure — but it has to be on the smaller side,” Remus says immediately. Y/N nodded her head, agreeing.

“Where would we hold it? If it’s not going to be big, then the common room isn’t an option and our dorm is too small.”

“We have rounds that night before we switch with the seventh years. By the time we’re done, it would be around… ten? Students are usually up by then.”

“And Moony can just abuse his powers and threaten them with detention if they don’t leave.”

“Damn, pots — a bit of an outlaw, aren’t you?” He winks at her, smiling devilishly at the group.

Remus sighs, nose scrunching. “Nope — definitely can’t do that but I can keep Lily distracted long enough so you can decorate the room.”

Marlene’s face lit up like a thousand stars. Her smile radiated and shined brightly as she nodded her head eagerly, blathering on and on about their plan.

“You five are just stalling around!” Keys had come by their group, his head shaking.

“Sorry professor.” They all muttered out.

“Well, let’s see what you can do then.” He said expectantly, “Mr. Lupin, you first.”

Y/N looked over at him. She had yet to see Remus attempt to cast the spell and wondered if she could save him from being scolded by Keys if she’d gone first. It was better to cast a few sparks rather than conjuring nothing.

Keys scuttled away quickly, his wand at the ready to protect the rest of the students. Remus rolled up the sleeves of his robe, scarlet cuffs now showing as he effortlessly flicks his wand and said loudly and perfectly, demonstrating to the entire class, “Reducto!”

A searing ball of light blinded everyone; the blackboard in front of them exploded as the cure hit, disintegrated into pure ash. The smoke particles unfurled into the air and floated around, causing all the students to cough as the cloud of ash clouded their vision momentarily while the torrent of crashing chalk and board eraser clattered to the floor.

Marlene let out a low whistle. From what she could see, a few of the other girls in the class looked up at Remus, a shiny look in their eyes. Some swooned, others whispered to their friends.

Of course Remus Lupin knew the answer.

Years later down the line, Y/N would come back to this moment and remember thinking that Remus Lupin was possibly one of the smartest people she would ever get the pleasure of knowing.

Unbeknownst to her, James had his eye trained on her and Remus’ interactions since they first came back from the break. He watched Moony’s smile when he was around Whiskers and right now, as she looked up to Remus with a dazed look, James couldn’t help but feel himself but smirk at his knowledge.

Whenever he saw them both together, Whisker’s sunny energy contrasted with Remus’ quiet and gloomy self; he was a big fan of their dynamic.

He nudged her side as he looked at her, a smug knowing smile on his lips.

“What?”

He shook his head, nothing.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

January 27, 1976

“Do you really think so?”

She dramatically clutched a hand to her chest in disbelief, “You really think I can survive without you and your Charms lessons?! It’s like you want Flitwick to bury my grave. And do you want to be alone in Astronomy? Without my presence?”

“Hey! I’m doing you a favour. You would be shit outta luck without me,” Remus mocks, albeit it’s playful.

“Well, Grandpa—”

“Grandpa?”

“You knit all the time and you dress like one,” she moved to pass him some chocolate truffles laid out while she bent down to a house-elf and politely requested tea for them, continuing, “Not all of us are geniuses.”

Remus' look is soft and everyone can see it but for Y/N as her back is turned, taking the teacups from the elves, thanking them before passing one to him while grabbing the milk and sugar the elves brought unasked for.

It brought a smile onto his lips as he tried to force it down, pretending to be unphased by her overly grand gestures. Remus found himself liking the attention that Y/N was beginning to show him. He liked how she always seemed to be so attentive and let him rant about his books and music. He liked how kind and funny she was. And now, there was hardly a trace of cautiousness or judgement that came from her, not unlike others who tended to avoid him and even his own chaps from time to time.

Remus rubs his face as he gulps down the warm tea in one go, getting up with his bag.

“Where are you going? There’s still thirty minutes before dinner ends!” Peter questioned.

“I have to set up for the group today. Besides, I have to take care of some prefect duties. I’ll see you two later,” he looks at her and Lily. There was a light step to Remus as he made his way out before James and Lily whipped their heads in her direction, both mirroring a giddy expression.

“Getting matey, you two?” James says with a large smirk.

Y/N frowns slightly at the accusation while her arms crossed around herself. “Fat chance. What are you suggesting?”

“You and Remus have been spending an awful lot of time together,” Lily wiggles her eyebrows suggestively at her.

“Same study group, that's the whole point, is it not?” She says a bit irritably. James had been making innuendos between her and Remus for the past three weeks, and now that Lily started, Y/N knew that it would never stop. “What are you implying?”

“You fancy each other!”

Y/N blink once, twice as her brain processed what they were accusing. Fancy? No! Remus was a friend! “Get your heads out of your asses. What a dumb question.”

“Wasn’t a question but a statement. You two fancy each other or at least Remus fancies you! You should’ve seen the way he looked at you just then!”

“Date! Snog! Shag!”

“I’m not going to fuck him.”

“Who are we fucking?” Mary popped in. Y/N dropped her head and stared at the table in front of her. If one thing Lily and James had in common, it was their need to embarrass and annoy her.

She sighs, about to refuse to answer but letting up. “Evans and Potter reckon that me and Lupin are more than friends.”

Mary’s eyes lit up so bright that they could rival the sun. She clapped her hands a few times in pure excitement. “I knew it!” “What?!”

The table looks at each other. James snorted so loudly that he choked on the pumpkin juice he was drinking and his face went as red as Lily’s hair. Lily looked as if she were about to pass out. Her laughter caused her nostrils to flare and Mary looked around guilty.

“What?!” She repeated, this time louder.

“Haven’t you noticed? We all think you’ve been shagging.”

“That is ridiculous! Will you guys stop with this nonsense of fake love-dovey gazes? So what he looked at me! You're supposed to look at people while you’re talking and boys and girls can be friends!”

“No! You have been spending so much time together and the only other woman Remus is ever around that often is either Lily and we all know they’re just friends —” “Yeah, like me!” “— or the professors! You should see how much you two smile and giggle with each other!”

Y/N groaned frustrated. “Why is everyone so obsessed with my sex life?”

“Because you don’t have one.”

She looked to Lily, her mouth opening as everyone around her laughed.

“I hate you.”

“Hate isn’t going to get you into heaven.”

Lily was impossible.

“You two would look so cute!

“Stop trying to play wingman here, Bambi!”

“Kiss, marry, Avada — James, Remus or Sirius? Go.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. Mary was always wildly inappropriate which usually made her laugh but this time only made Y/N curl in uncomfortability. Mary laughed, unrefined and Peter tried to object, asking why Mary hadn’t used his name.

“You can pick me, darling, I won’t mind. I know you’re obsessed with me.” James says and flicks his pretend long hair behind his back.

She could Avada them all and not feel bad. Groaning, she was not happy with this outcome. “I would murder you first then.”

“Why?!”

“I like Remus more than you at this point.”

“Whiskers! We’ve been friends longer!”

“The week when we came back from the holidays, they were talking about getting married!” Peter blurted out.

“What!?”

Mary cut them off, smiling wickedly, “One sickle that she and Remus are going to snog by the end of the year.”

“Four —” Peter interjected, “I’ve never seen him be so buddy-buddy with another girl that wasn’t Lily or his mother.”

“Guys, this is ridiculous!” Y/N tried to intervene.

Everyone wavered her off, continuing their bets.

Mary chuckled at Lily, “Six sickles.”

“C’mon! I am not going to fuck either boy!”

“You both are going to lose,” James proposed. Y/N’s heart dropped a bit, seeing the temptation in his eyes. James never was the one to bow down from a bet. “What about Sirius?”

Y/N felt the urge to hex him.

“Shut the fuck up, James.”

They all ignored her.

“You are a genius, wee pots!” Marlene jumped to her feet and walked over to sit beside Y/N. ��They totally have sexual tension!”

“Right?!”

“Whenever Sirius walks into a room, the first person he likes to seek out is you —”

“That’s not true! What in the Britsh bloody fuck are you on?!”

“Nu-uh,” Potter says, wearing a shit-eating grin as he takes a moment to drink his pumpkin juice. “Kinnon isn’t wrong. Sirius is into you. It makes sense, all that tension and he wanted to ask you on a date when you first came to Hogwarts.”

“He does like the chase,” Lily interjects, “And out of all the years I’ve witnessed Sirius Black and his slag days, nobody has given him a run for his money like this.”

“You guys would look so hot together!” “Are we forgetting about Remus?! They would look better together and they actually like each other. Hell, they’re practically dating at this point!”

James shakes his head, “For a bloke that reads that many books, he’s horrible with words. He’s not going to say anything. Anyway — you should shag Black. I’m telling you, it would most likely solve whatever —” he makes a hand gesture to her, “— this is.”

“Screw it, I got a Galleon that she and Sirius are going to shag or snog before June,” Marlene stated confidently.

James sat up straighter, his chest puffing out in a challenging manner. Marlene flickered her hair off her shoulder and dropped one elbow on the table, placing her chin in one hand.

“Make it two — late May.” James challenged.

“Three Galleons, mid-May.”

“Three Galleons, two Knuts; late April.”

“Three Galleons, four Knuts; mid-April.”

“Four Galleons; March.”

Marlene stuck out her hand, shaking it with his. She turned to Y/N, who sat dumbstruck with her mouth open, absolutely mortified. “I have a lot of money on you, don’t you dare fail me.”

“Get to Remus first! Do you know many women are after him? He's the best boyfriend material out of all the marauders!” Lily shouted.

“Yeah? What about Black?”

“Lost cause! The bloke can’t even choose someone.”

Y/N got up from her seat, pushing up on the table to walk away. She’s had enough. Marlene and James were whooping while Mary was saying some obscene scenarios that she and Remus were going to get up to. People were starting to listen in now.

“Lupin’s a strong one. I’ve seen him lift luggage and parcels as heavy as ten stones the Muggle way, with ease. Imagine if he picked up and pushed you against a wall while —” “MARY SHUT UP!”

“He’s a lovesick git and you too!” Lily teases, “Bet you’ll get cheeky in the library!”

Her face burns with an unbelievable amount of embarrassment. She felt like she could die right there and then.

“What’s got you all so chuffed?” Sirius asks as he sits down at the table. This was the first time he made an appearance at dinner that night.

Just the timing — of course!

“Will you stop with that! I am not lovesick!” She stomped away, almost sprinting away from the group before she heard the faint half-scream coming from Sirius that sounded an awful lot like what the fuck?

Yeah, she could agree with that, what the fuck. Y/N just went through first, second, third and fourth hand embarrassment.

She quickly walked through the corridors and up into the library. Quickly storming up to their usual table, Remus was already there.

Over the past couple of weeks, she and Remus had fallen into this routine of turning from acquaintances to friends, actual friends.

Remus was the very definition of cool. He’s one of the smartest people she knew all the while he skipped classes often and despite that, all the teachers loved him. McGonagall, a hard one to impress, absolutely adored him and it was very obvious. He was also a prefect and he always let the marauders or even her off; had an ear for music, was incredibly strong and she’d always seen him carrying around chocolate that he never shared.

He also had silverly scars littering his entire body and momentarily, she’d sometimes wondered if he was in a gang. Maybe the marauders were a secret gang name? But then she thought rationally; James Potter, in a gang?

He was fiddling around with his knitting needles and he wore glasses, he leaned back in the chair, ankle resting on the other knee. A pile of parchment, journals, books and even a mug sat there. She had never seen him wear glasses before, but he did look quite like a teacher.

“Going for the whole professor look, aren’t you?”

He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “Where’s Lily?” He said, his accent softly lilt

Her face burned again.

“There’s still about twenty minutes until dinner ends; I think she wanted to finish eating.”

“Well then,” he took off his glasses, “You couldn’t get enough of me then?”

“Piss off.”

During their conversation, Remus made her acutely aware of every part of her: her skin, the way she walked, her appearance, her clothes. It didn’t help that his gaze was always so… intense.

At some point, he got up and talked to a few third years who were having trouble with a certain spell while she watched him. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips while her elbows were propped on the table. Remus came off as quiet and awkward, but he always excluded certain confidence during these sessions. She hadn’t thought about it until now, but the way the dimly glowing lamps highlighted the sharpest points of his face and the way the light bounced off the silver scars, Remus… was well… not shabby looking.

Josh! It’s not like Y/N didn’t have… urges. Most people did but all this talk about her and Remus and then her and Sirius was starting to get to her head!

“Want to try?” He asks as he sits back down in his seat, lifting the ball of yarn and needles in her direction, effectively breaking her out of her trance. Y/N shakes her head, waving a hand dismissively.

“Come on, I know you want to.”

“Fine.”

“Do you know how to?” She shakes her head.

Remus then shifts his body so his hands were on top of hers, guiding her fingers through the loops of yarn over the needle as his prefect voice was activated, muttering softly by her ear.

It might’ve been the middle of winter but she felt like her entire body was on fire. This has to be some kind of cruel joke the universe is playing on her.

He continued to help her until the repetition became second nature and left her to continue to knit.

Her small patch had large gaps and looked lopsided, but she smiled at the creation which caused Remus to as well. “Keep it,” he says with a smile.

“I’m not taking your needles.”

“Seriously. James brought me over thirty new ones on my birthday last year because he didn’t know what size needles he should get. Really, one pair won’t hurt me.”

And then Lily, kind, beautiful, yet annoying, slippery Lily waltzes in confidently, sharing a knowing look as she watches the entire scene play out. From his hands touching hers to him being as generous as giving her his knitting needles.

This did not look good at all.

She nodded but was dazed by Lily. She plonks down beside him and Y/N automatically rips her gaze away, shifting awkwardly in her seat.

The room felt too hot, too incredibly hot and thankfully Remus didn’t seem phased but oh my god — she knew deep down that once Remus got back to his dorm later tonight, James was going to give him the same hell and convince him and probably Sirius (if he hadn’t already done so) that they were soulmates or the ridiculous hopeless romantic shit James loved to spew.

Remus began talking in the background, flipping through his notes while Lily jabs her side.

Lovesick, she mouthed.

146 notes · View notes

embrassemoi · 3 years

Text

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 20

Pairings: Sirius B, Remus L, [F]Reader Content: Language, possible errors A/N: Some ppl asked for a playlist... so ofc I made one!

Series Playlist or Chap 20 Playlist

【 Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter 】

Chapter 20: Little Lion Man

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When Regulus was younger, his aunt Andromeda and Sirius were obsessed with Muggle stories. Andromeda would send them loads of books every month to the local Muggle post office to prevent their parents from confiscating them. He remembers the ten minute walks there and back, Sirius holding his hand tight, even stopping to buy ice cream during the warmer seasons. They would greet the delivery men and women, picking up a heavy stack of wrapped books before waddling out, each boy mirroring a large grin.

Every night at twilight, when their parents were asleep, Sirius would crawl into his bed and read to Regulus in a hushed voice. He would read a different story every night, lulling him to sleep. Sirius spent hours gushing about the fantastical tales Muggles wrote; how magical and mystical their minds were despite not having an ounce of magical blood. From Superman to Batman, the Joker to Daleks, Prince Caspian to King Miraz; Regulus quickly learned that they all had one common theme: the good guys and the bad guys.

Regulus often spent his time grappling with the notion; what made someone good? Because the definition changes depending on the person.

Were the good guys good because they were selfless — passionate? Those deemed good never let themselves be seen as selfish. The heroes would sacrifice themselves for the greater good, even going as far as giving up their loved ones. Or maybe it was because they went against the odds. But villains did that too.

So he re-worded the question; what made someone bad? Was it their selfishness or greed? Was it putting themselves above others? Did they know they were on the wrong side of history? Make a mistake, once, twice — but surely, that didn’t make someone bad. Did it?

If virtue is understood by both sides, then the bad guys would immediately cross that line time and time again. They lacked wisdom and truthfulness, filled with too much pride and vanity.

But now as he began to grow up far too quickly for a fourteen-year-old boy, he realized that there was more to people than just being good or evil, a saviour or tormentor, light versus darkness.

The definition of good and bad depended on who told the story and Regulus didn’t know who controlled his; him or his parents. The line was so blurred that he couldn’t objectively make the decision himself anymore. Was he more bad than good?

Laughter — rich and inviting beckoned throughout the library, snapping him out of his thoughts again; but it did nothing but chip away at his heart. Regulus got up, shoving his books and parchment into his bag, making sure to hide his face before they saw him. Today, the Marauders had come earlier than expected and he was caught off guard. He’d been doing everything to avoid them out of pure shame.

Before he went to turn, he eyed Sirius from the shadows. He smiled, carefree and happy, clinging onto Pettigrew, ruffling his hair like he once did to him.

What made them so special, so loved and cherished by Sirius? How were they able to make him laugh so effortlessly, able to brighten his day with a mere glance? What made them more of a family than he ever was to him?

But he knew, it was their family’s values and it had been taunting him every waking moment.

It’s not like he didn’t want to escape that night, but he wasn’t Sirius. He was never as bright or strong or as good as him. Sirius was bold and courageous and certainly had more bravery than he would ever have. Regulus was far too weak, a puppet for his parents to control. Sirius was everything Regulus was too afraid to be — a reminder of what he could have turned into.

Besides, there wasn’t a single doubt in his mind that his parents would have killed Kreacher had he left. And this way with Sirius gone, it left Regulus to be the sole heir. Sirius was free, not being hunted down by his parents now that he bore the title. That was his gift to him, freeing Sirius of all the responsibilities, pain and grief. He owed him that much. Besides, Regulus had already mourned the childhood he never had; that made everything easier.

The day Sirius left was the day before they were set to leave for Hogwarts again and the impact of his absence was massive. He no longer heard the thumping of loud Muggle music nor the clanking of piano keys or doors slamming shut. There wasn’t any screaming aside from his parents shrieking at him for taking his father's wand. The stairs creaked; he could even hear Kreacher padding his way to his room.

It was eerily quiet and lifeless in that damned house, and he was only gone for a day.

Regulus hadn’t been taking it well. Nearly every night, his face was pressed into a pillow muffling his sobs. Sirius had kept his promise, he hadn’t talked to him since.

If only he had a scarlet tie…

Ha! He could laugh; he’d been trying to get his attention in little ways. He’d even gone as far as growing out his hair to match his — coping by writing letters every night with words he wished he could’ve said before storing them in a box under his bed. Forever unsent. Hell, Regulus was a coward, every bit as pathetic as Sirius deemed.

Ever the winter break, his parents were relentless, dumping everything that was meant for Sirius onto him. Letters were sent daily; there were talks about an arranged marriage, lumps of money now being transferred under his name, getting the dark mark… and he was being watched. Every interaction he had, his parents always knew. Especially with Muggleborns; he had to limit his interactions with them to almost nothing, or it wouldn’t end well for either.

His mind reeled back to that night, where his parents and extended family toyed with that blonde Muggle, leaving her half-dead on the dining table, the image branded in his head. It made him sick just thinking about it, he never knew what happened to her, he was too busy trying to muffle out her screams.

Regulus had been questioning everything he was taught. Sirius’ words echoed in his head; was he willing to kill Muggleborns solely because of their blood status? He's a believer in old values and traditions: yes, blood should be kept pure, but to kill Muggles… that was completely different. He’d seen how his dearly beloved aunt was burned off the tapestry, threatened and almost killed for marrying a Muggleborn — a Muggleborn who he’s met and liked and respected. His family tortured them for the sake of it and more. That wasn’t the move of someone good, those were the actions of someone evil; filled with greed, spite and selfishness. But how was he going to stop a whole bloodline from their mania?

Some may call it obedience, the way he’s listened to his parents all these years blindly, but to him, it’s respect. But did he believe that? Did they deserve to be respected? He was miserable and this wasn’t a healthy way to show filial piety.

What did he believe in?

Perhaps there wasn’t such a thing, good or evil, maybe there was only power.

Regulus was lost and confused and most of all, lonely. He remembered Sirius promised him once, before the day he was set to leave for Hogwarts for the first time, that he would never be alone. What a funny thing, promises.

Tears were forming fast and if he didn’t leave then, they would fall any second now. He needed to get out of the library.

Regulus asked himself again; what made someone good or bad — or rather, was he good or bad? He’s veering towards bad.

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After catching word from Mary that Remus’ birthday was approaching, Y/N had been knitting him a sweater in her spare time (or trying to). It was sweet, simple and showed that she’d put effort into it, especially since he taught her. Although, the sweater was lopsided and she hadn’t quite gotten the hang of a certain stitch or how to close sections. Perhaps she should use magic.

Her fingers fiddled with the needle, looping the yarn over the other side. Without looking up, she made a sharp turn into the library before crashing into a hunched-over figure; sniffling and a complete mess.

An apology dangled from her lips before recognizing the figure as Regulus. It had been two months since she’d last seen him and in short, he looked like shit. His skin was grey and lost all sense of a youthful dewy glow. If Sirius had dark eye circles or Remus looked tired, Regulus beat them by miles.

Y/N stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to do before gently patting his shoulder. “Regulus?” She asked softly, nothing more than a whisper.

There was a flash of pure terror as he looked up, his eyes nervous as his head spun around to look around the place like he always did. He looked mad, almost unhinged as his hands gently pushed her away, signalling for her to leave. “I — I can’t be seen around you.”

“Can’t? What are you going on abo —” She cut herself off, ignoring the matter entirely. He clearly wasn’t in the right mindset.

His voice was strained, quiet as he kept on murmuring, he almost sounded angry. “You can’t — we’ll both get in trouble. Y/N, go — please… ”

At this, Y/N felt her skin rise in small goosebumps. She looked back to the library, just making out her friend’s figures before looking down at Regulus again. She wasn’t going to leave him like this: crying and delusional.

She took a deep inhale before bending down, picking up her needles and yarn off the ground and slipped them into her bag. She placed a cautious arm around Regulus to keep him upright. “Come with me.” But Regulus wouldn’t budge, not until she flicked down her hood, obscuring her face.

She led him up to the astronomy tower, walking and twisting around before setting him down on a nearby bench, making sure to lock any entrances. They sat in silence, aside from Regulus attempting to regulate his breathing. The cold whipping wind tossed his hair and sank into her bones. With a few charms, they were both warm again, but still able to breathe in the crisp air.

He remained quiet. Y/N didn’t push. Instead, she began babbling softly about random things to distract him. When she heard a sharp exhale of air, mimicking a half-hearted chuckle was when she knew he had calmed down.

“Thank you,” he muttered. It’s quiet, barely above a whisper. Regulus’ cheeks were pink, colour finally returning to him from either embarrassment or the cold.

“Any time,” she smiled warmly. Her hand reaches into her bag, fishing out the snacks that were meant for the study group: blackberries that were for Remus, a muffin for Marlene, were now shared between them. She tried to encourage him to eat, to regain any sort of energy.

He listened without complaint, a tense yet thankful air engulfed them. It was only until he finished the food, about an hour gone by, was when he spoke again. “Why are you being so nice to me.” It’s not even a question, just an odd accusation.

She thinks for a while, searching for the best answer. “I wished someone was there for me when I was going through a hard time.”

“But you don’t know me.”

Her eyebrows raised, “Well, let’s get to know each other then. I’ll tell you something about myself and then you can go?”

Regulus looked up at her with a calculated expression, cautious and looked uncomfortable but he nodded.

“Let’s start simple. I have an owl named Celeste.”

He gulped, looking back to the entrance. His answer came delayed, strained and she wondered if she had pushed him too far. “I play the violin.”

Y/N smiled largely. “The violin is beautiful! Hmm… I can’t ride a broomstick to save my life, unlike you.”

At this, he smiles — a real genuine smile that causes his eyes to crinkle and sparkle. “Really?” His eyes burned with curiosity before he looked down, “I can’t swim.”

“Swim?” She repeats, chuckling to herself, “Who doesn’t know how to swim?”

“You’re making me feel grand. Terribly uncalled for.”

Her eyes rolled, “You should learn. It can save your life one day. Who wants to drown?”

“Maybe I’ll ask McGonagall — I heard for tougher punishments she’ll throw you into the black lake.”

“You’re the perfect candidate then.”

After a while, way past curfew, Regulus seemed cheerier; his tear-stained cheeks now replaced with a smile and relaxation. That day, Y/N unaware, was a day Regulus would never forget.

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March 8th, 1976

“Sirius, shut up.”

“You’re the one yelling!”

“... Right.”

Excused from their afternoon classes because their Puffskein was about to hatch, the Marauder’s dorm was bustling with panic and bickering. When Y/N partnered with Sirius for their project, she expected fighting (which happened every day) but not for Sirius to be like this. He’d been running around the dorm, grabbing warm towels, bowls of water and taking out his panic on her. He gripped his textbook, flicking through notes to see if they had everything. It was as if he was preparing for the birth of an actual baby.

She silently watched him, her mind thinking about Regulus rather than their project. This was the only time she and Sirius were alone and wondered if she should mention his freakout the other day but stopped — it didn’t take a genius to know they weren’t on friendly terms.

Since that night, she’d seen Regulus almost daily, but only at night before their study group. She would spend an hour or so with him before the Marauder or girls came barraging in; Regulus left before they appeared. The entire situation left her deeply confused, worried and most of all, suspicious.

“We need Kettleburn —”

Annoyance began nipping at her. “Calm down.”

“I’m not going to calm down!”

Sirius paced, both firing snide jabs. Too preoccupied in his panicked state, he didn’t hear the quiet cracking of the white shell, forming the shape of a lightning bolt before cascading over.

“Um, Black?”

“Let’s not start. How are you so —”

“Get your ass over here now!”

Sirius pressed his lips together immediately and rushed over, both huddled side by side near the roaring fireplace. The shell twitched, cracking more and they both gasped in amazement. The process was faster than either expected as they saw the small tuft of cream fur peek out along with a pair of black eyes. Its long pink tongue slipped out, already looking for its first meal. Y/N scrambled to grab a nearby dish of dried spiders to feed it while Sirius cradled it in his hand. His smile was wide, buzzing with excitement as he observed it. His hands gently glided over the soft fur as it emitted a low humming sound.

A deep chuckle erupts from Sirius and she could feel the vibrations from how close they were. His laugh, which once made her cringe, now made her skin feel fuzzy and heart flutter. But, it wasn’t like that, she thinks. Of course not! She still wants to jinx him, maybe even throw him into the fireplace. Yes, that’s it.

She snaps out of her violent thoughts when she finds Sirius already looking at her, a pretty flush to his skin as he observes her softly. Her brows crinkled; instead of a frown or on the cusp on an insult, he smiles.

“Do you want to hold it?” Y/N nods eagerly. Sirius shifts his body, placing the Puffskein in the palms of her hands. It’s incredibly soft, adorable and when it leans into her, falling asleep, she swore she fell in love.

“What do you want to name it?” She mumbled, afraid that if she were any louder it might wake it up. Sirius takes a long time to ponder and Y/N braces herself for an insult, already thinking of a plethora of her own.

“It looks like porridge… Oatmeal!”

“Are you serious?”

“I’d be worried if I wasn’t.”

Y/N tries to suppress her smile but fails. The Puffskein did look like a grain of oatmeal. Plain and simple, she liked it.

“Hello, Oats! You’re so cute — I could just eat you up!”

“Morbid much.”

Hours went by before they ultimately decided to head down to Kettleburn’s office for an examination of Oats’ health. Sirius cradled it in a small blanket, shielding it from the rest of the world. Marlene and Dorcas were standing by the sidelines, joining them as they walked past.

“Yours hatched already? Aw, it looks so cute!” Dorcas squealed. Her hands reached out, giddy as Sirius gently placed it into her arms but not without fretting. Marlene only looked down at her with a soft gaze, her face becoming pink as she wrapped an arm around her.

“Give it a rest. She’s not going to drop it.”

“Now you, McKinnon?! I’m a father now! Our kid deserves the best care! Right, L/N?”

It catches her off guard. Sirius trying to include her in a conversation? That’s a new milestone. “Of course; the proudest parents.”

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Once done with Kettleburn, Sirius went to bring Oats back to his dorm, parting as Y/N went to find Lily who took her notes for her afternoon classes.

Out in the courtyard, walking around in the snow, both Lily and Snape wandered around before she picked up a snowball, throwing it at him. Snape sent her a deadpanned look as Lily kept hurling snowballs. Most missed him, others hit him before he retaliated and threw some back.

Y/N halted, watching the scene play out and debated whether or not to approach them. But decided to, shouting while striding up to them.

“Petals!”

Lily’s smile grew before her head whipped to her. She stopped her snowball fight, getting up to bounce her way over to her. Snape followed in suit, but as Lily began to babble on and on about what she missed, Snape’s eyes bore into her, vice versa.

“I’ll see you later, Sevy! We need to go,” said Lily, already turning to walk away. Y/N lingered back a pause, just enough to see Snape draw his wand and shoot a spell at her. She had just enough time to block it. Whatever spell it was, it sparkled like a firecracker. If Snape could easily send a hex or jinx her way inboard daylight with Lily just a little ahead, what was he willing to do had they been alone.

His angel persona around her was dropping quickly.

“Whiskers!” Shouted Lily. Her arms raised in question. “Get over here!”

A flurry of thoughts bombarded her before she could process them. She was about to cause a scene, yell and scream until that nasty sneer fell off his face until she felt a tug on her arm. Lily hooked her arm around Y/N, pulling her away. But she still had her wand drawn, ready to block another spell. She tossed one last look at him; he smiled wickedly.

“Are you okay?”

She had enough tip-toeing around Snape. She remained tranquil, gave him the benefit of the doubt and respected their friendship but that was enough.

“No, I’m not actually,” keeping her tone as soft as possible, trying not to sound defensive, “Why do you waste your time around him?”

Lily paused, her eyes going wide. An offended expression crossed her face as she took a moment to digest the remark. “Sev? What are you getting at?” Her tone was guarded which had Y/N debating whether or not to drop the conversation entirely. A fight with Lily was not on her to-do list.

“I just think you should be careful around him.”

“I can look out for myself,” she grumbled, “Severus has been there for me for years. I know how to separate myself from the wrong sorts.”

“I’m only saying this to look out for —”

“I know, but he isn’t like what you’re thinking.” Lily didn’t look mad, just tired as she nodded sharply. Taking a stack of parchment from her bag, Lily handed it to her and walked faster. “You’re around Potter too much. He isn’t like what he says he is.”

Y/N felt annoyance blossom in her chest at the accusation of James but bit her tongue to avoid more conflict. Right now, they trod on dangerous waters.

Neither spoke to each other for the rest of the day.

93 notes · View notes

embrassemoi · 3 years

Text

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars • 16

Pairings: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, [F]Reader Content: Language, possible errors Author’s notes: Thanks for the support! xx (also kinda personal but I just got accpected into uni?! Crazy!)

Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter 16: Everything Goes According to Plan

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

January 30th, 1976

“Where’s my camera?”

“Be careful — Oi! Don’t step on me!”

“Ouch!”

“Shush!”

The squeaking of floorboards creaked throughout the small room as everyone kept on stumbling into each other, all fidgeting from excitement. That morning, they’d all woken up earlier than usual, decorating the room with streamers, leftover Christmas decor and a large banner that hung above the entrance of the doorway that read, Happy Birthday, Petals! (which was Y/N’s idea — she was very proud of the nickname). Even Mary snuck into their dorm, making everyone wear small pointy party hats as they huddled around Lily’s bed, circling her like vultures and raised their hands high. With a quiet count of three from Marlene, their hands lowered, hovering over Lily’s arms and legs, then shook.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” They bellowed.

Lily woke with a jolt; her eyes flew open as she let out a scream. Her back slammed against the bed frame while Toulouse swiped at them, specifically at Marlene and hissed.

Lily’s heart hammered against her chest and she felt the small prickles of needles subside all over her body. Her hand clutched her nightgown, attempting to even out her breathing. “You could’ve given me a heart attack!”

“Happy birthday, Lils!” Mary repeated before climbing into her bed, hugging her.

She grunted at the impact as a smile replaced her features. Her eyes hopped from person to person before landing on Y/N who gave a sweet smile which had Lily blushing as she averted her eyes back to Mary.

When the group realized that Lily’s birthday fell on a weekend, it left them giddy and beyond excited for the endless opportunities that lay ahead of them. Not only did it leave the entire group to have a small break from their ruthless studying, but they could thoroughly celebrate the day and have enough time to spare for any last-minute plans for the surprise birthday party that night.

“Get your arse up and get ready to start the day!” Marlene declared, already trying to tug her crimson blanket away.

Lily yawned, rubbing her eyes, “Do we have to? I’m tired…”

“Come on! Life is short! It’s time we make memories,” she cried, “You never know when you’re going to die! Would you rather celebrate your birthday as a ghost or six feet under?! I, for one, will not visit your grave.”

Lily rolled her eyes, getting up with a stretch. Dorcas moved to turn on Marlene’s record player, settling a record by Nancy Sinatra as everyone continued with their usual morning routines. Lily got dressed in her favourite long sleeve lilac dress, pulling on tights to prevent herself from freezing. Mary wore her usual gold eyeshadow and wore a red jumpsuit while Marlene dressed coolly in all black. Although, Dorcas decided to stay in bed, still recovering from her nasty flu.

“You look very pretty today,” Y/N told Lily while detangling her hair from the loose braid she had it in. She took a brush and hair styler, primping her hair to Lily’s usual style and placed a headband in her hair.

“I — I, er — thanks!” She replied somewhat flustered.

“No… problem — there! Finished!” She handed Lily a handheld mirror, letting her go over her appearance. Pleased, she turned around to the group.

“So, first order of business, what did you want to do today?” Dorcas asked before going into a fit of coughs. Marlene rushed up to her side and popped off a cork from a nearby potion for her to drink.

Everyone had been slightly worried. It had been four days now and Dorcas still wasn’t recovering from the flu despite the ad of magic and potions. Thankfully today she seemed to perk up, even just a little, but they worried she was pushing herself.

“How about we just stay here, with you? We can all up a Healer and —”

“No,” Dorcas coughed again, she waved her hands in front of her, “I’ll be fine. Don't worry about me. What do you want to do?”

Lily remained quiet for a moment and Y/N assumed she was going to suggest staying in their dorm with Dorcas again, but her eyes gleamed with unusual mischief. Her eyes hopped from person to person before landing on Y/N. “I want to do a prank and I think you’ll love it.”

Everyone’s brows rose. Lily, the goodie-two-shoes prefect, Evans and pranks?! Those two do not belong in the same sentences.

“Okay…” said Mary, nodding her head despite being confused, “We’re listening.”

Lily sat down on her bed, crossing one leg over the other as she motioned everyone to sit. “Do you think it’s possible if we can dye someone’s hair? Obviously, safely,” she used her prefect voice, “But do you think we can?”

A beat went by — that was strangely out of character. What happened to the Lily they knew?

“Yeah,” Marlene begins, “What colour are you thinking?”

“Orange — bright orange with a bit of green.”

Then, Lily turned over to look at her again, a ghost of a smile appearing that told Y/N that whatever she was planning was going to be worth it — especially if Lily out of all people, was going to pull it off.

“Someone's going to be sorry for calling me Carrots.”

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

At breakfast, they arrived later than usual after they all planned out their prank. Marlene, who had been a part of too many pranks with Sirius and James, helped the most, while Y/N and Lily created a hair-changing potion using one of Dorcas’ old cauldrons — but unlike James, they stuck to a potions textbook with a reversal potion. Since it was Lily’s idea, she would be the one to slip the potion into Sirius’ drink. So, she tucked the vital into the sleeve of her dress, hidden from prying eyes.

They all huddled around her as they entered the Great Hall; their hands were pushed forward protectively, guarding Lily as if she were a celebrity being swarmed by adoring fans and they were her bodyguards. They paved her way from students while shouting:

“She’s declining photos at the moment!”

“Birthday girl coming through!”

“She’s a very busy lady! Out of the way!”

Lily kept on protesting for them to stop, hiding her face in her hands. As they reached their table, they sat beside the marauders while Lily made sure to take a seat next to Sirius. But, that wasn’t the end of Lily’s humiliation. Mary stood up, clapping to gain everyone’s attention. Once she realized what was about to happen she quickly got up, but Y/N and Sirius clapped a hand on Lily’s shoulder, shoving her back down on the bench.

They opened their mouths, singing,

“Haaaaapppppy birthday to you!” The six of them hollered before the rest of the hall caught on and started singing. “Haaaaapppppy birthday to you! Haaaaapppppy birthday dear Lily —” “CARROTS!” Shouted Sirius at the top of his lungs.

Lily kept shaking her head, blushing incredibly hard — even the tips of her ears started to turn pink. She covered her ears, attempting to muffle out the singing.

Y/N snapped a few photos of her, shoving them into her pockets.

“Haaaaapppppy birthhhhdaaaay tooooo youuuuuuuu!”

The Gryffindors and any Ravenclaws or Hufflepuffs that knew Lily cheered loudly. A few teachers, like Slughorn or McGonagall, made their way over to her, congratulating her along with a few other of her friends from different houses. Well wishes could be heard, along with a few people even handing her cards too.

Even an owl came swooping by when she had her back turned, dropping off a small package addressed from her parents and her sister, Petunia.

Swarmed and distracted, this left the group to huddle together as they leant over the table, forming a small circle of sorts. James was excluded as he sat back and drank a cup of tea flicking through the Daily Prophet.

“Operation: Lily’s birthday party,” said Marlene, “Let’s go over what our positions are for tonight.”

Mary was assigned with Dorcas to decorate the common room while Remus distracted Lily tonight during their rounds. Marlene and Sirius were in charge of drinks and snacks, leaving Peter and Y/N to bake a cake and bring any additional food.

They all quickly pulled apart once the crowd around Lily subsided. She settled back down, nodding and faking a cough. This signalled to the girls as Marlene quickly roped Sirius into a conversation about a New-Maj band he liked; Y/N talked to James about the upcoming Ravenclaw and Slytherin Quidditch match which left Mary to distract both Peter and Remus.

When none of the marauders were looking, Lily popped the corkscrew from the vital and grabbed a bowl of muffins on Sirius’ left. While she lent over, the potion poured directly into Sirius’ cup and she sat back down, smirking to herself. Y/N gave a discreet small high-five to her as they waited.

After a few minutes, parched from his talk with Marlene, Sirius picked up his goblet and tipped back the drink. He took a large gulp, wincing at the taste as he pulled it away from his face, but returned to his conversation like normal.

For several minutes, nothing happened. The girls kept quickly glancing upwards to check out his hair, but nothing: still bleached blond. They sighed, dejected that their plan hadn’t worked and Y/N nudged Lily underneath the table and gave a small smile, trying to cheer her up.

Another ten minutes went by and only then did the root of Sirius’ hair begin to tint into a bright orange colour rather than his dyed hair. This caught the girl's attention, however, the rest of the marauders who were still engaged in their conversations, did not notice as their heads were turned away from him.

His hair rapidly turned into orange as the tips were tinted green. Sirius didn’t seem to notice until James laughed, quickly turning to him to tell him a joke until his eyes widened at his hair.

“Ugh — Padfoot?!”

Sirius looked at him bewildered at his worried tone and expression before catching his reflection in James’ glasses. By now, Peter and Remus looked at him, their eyes widened, leaving the girls to force down their laughter, showing false concern.

“What the fuck?!” Sirius exclaimed, running a hand through it. She’d never seen Sirius this panicked before. More than anything, he looked shocked and even a bit… happy? No — definitely not happy. He continued to chuckle nervously before fretting over his appearance. For once, his laughter did not bother her.

Students began to take notice, pointing over at the Gryffindor table while some even began gossiping with others about the prank. As soon as the bell rang, everyone got up from their seats while the marauders surrounded Sirius, trying to help him out. The girls, on the other hand, got up and ran out of the Great Hall, practically howling.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe I just did that! I did that! We did that!” Lily exclaimed in disbelief before taking a seat down at their usual hangout near the library. “Did you see his reaction?! Jeez! I see why they pull so many pranks now!”

Y/N was about to burst into tears. That was by far the funniest shit she’d ever seen before. Marlene was in a similar boat as she clutched her side. Her stomach hurt from how hard she laughed.

“Lily! You little minx!” Mary cried as flopped beside Lily, her head dropping into her lap.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

Their day was jammed packed. They went skating on the black lake, hit up the library, walked around school grounds which ended up in a huge snowball fight. After a bit, they decided to take a moment to separate themselves to give each other a bit of space while Lily went to find Snape.

This left the rest of the group two hours tops to themselves.

Y/N walked over to Honeydukes, buying a bunch of Jelly Slugs and a couple of other things before dashing back to the castle; she needed to wrap all of her presents and she promised to help Dorcas wrap hers too.

Before she entered Hogwarts again, Y/N took a moment to herself and enjoyed the small moment of peace around her. The soft crunching of snow, the cold breeze and the stillness — how quiet it was — there was hardly a moment since the break that Y/N had felt the comfortable peace Hogwarts had to offer.

Stepping inside the corridors, the atmosphere suddenly changed with the torches ablaze and a constant bubbling ambience that never seemed to settle.

In the distance, to her right, she could hear distant shouting and a rush of footsteps nearing. Out of nowhere, James seemed to come barreling towards her.

“Whiskers!” He yelled, sending her a fast wink as he continued to run down the corridor, making a sharp turn. Then, Marlee popped out, dashing after James.

“Marls?! What’s happening?”

“Running from Filch — get him off my trail!”

“What did you do?!”

“Told me to cover up, so I hexed him — Potter called him a rent boy!”

“Are you going to miss the party?” She yelled as Marlene’s body kept getting smaller and smaller as she ran. Y/N began to panic, without Marlene, surely things would take a lot longer than planned.

“Like hell I am! I won’t be late!”

Marlene disappeared, shortly being replaced by Filch who ran in a strange mixture of running and hopping.

“Where did they go?” He breathed, bending down and clutching his knees. “I heard them over here, where are they?”

And so Y/N decided to have some fun. “Who?”

“You know!”

“Um — you mean the one with blond hair?” “And the boy with black hair!”

“Oh! Yes, I know who… What’re their names again? Severus Snape and —” she paused, trying to think of another blond person, “Ugh — Sirius Black?”

Well, he used to be blond.

“No! The Potter boy and McKinnon! Where are they?!”

“Hmm… Oh! Oh! I think they went,” she pointed outside to the thick, cold snowy path, “That way!”

Filch didn’t even question her and ran off. Laughing, Y/N ran away from Filch; the last thing she wanted to do was face his wrath once he knew she lied.

Opening the door to her dorm, Dorcas was asleep. She walked up to grab a nearby folded blanket and placed it over her body to keep her warm before starting working.

She cleared off a table, unfolding her wrapping paper and wrapped the sides before creasing them, taping everything down with a pretty bow.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

Nobody had seen Marlene or James for the past couple of hours — they’d even skipped dinner which caused everyone to go into a state of panic. Without Marlene, Sirius would be in a lot of trouble completing his task alone.

The common room was filled with fighting in hushed whispers as Lily and Remus were set to leave for their rounds in a couple of minutes.

“I’m going to kill her,” Mary fumed, “The one day they’re not supposed to go mucking around, they pull this!”

“How about we find them —” “And lose the little time we have now?”

Sirius, in particular, was on edge, aggravated, as he turned towards Y/N, “Why didn’t you think of saying anything sooner?”

“Because I didn’t think Marlene and James would be stupid enough to get caught! Not today!”

He closed his mouth, his lips pressed into a tight line. Even he hadn’t expected them to be that stupid either — not today.

“Everyone, shut up. All of you! Why don’t we take a moment to breathe?” Remus said calmly, effectively shutting the entire group up. In moments like these, Y/N understood why he was a prefect. He breathed in and looked to Sirius, “You can do this by yourself, can you?”

“Course not, Moony. Have a little faith in me!” Sirius gave a tenacious laugh, although forced.

Remus’ eyes then flicker to Y/N and Peter, “This shouldn’t affect you, will it?”

They shook their heads.

“Okay then, we’ll continue as planned. I’ll buy you as much time as —” He quickly cut himself off as everyone’s ears perked up. They all heard it, Lily’s footsteps. With that, Y/N, Sirius and Peter weaved their way out of the common room, walking quickly to avoid Lily and Remus from catching up to them. Unfortunately, Sirius took the invisibility cloak before she or Peter had the time to ask for it.

They sneakily made their way down a flight of moving stairs, passing several empty corridors and made their way down to the kitchens.

Once they began working on Lily’s cake, Y/N instantly knew why Peter was assigned to the kitchens.

He instructed her most of the time, telling her which ingredients or utensils to find. Currently, she grabbed a metal ladle and watched as Peter churn the ingredients, watching as they blend into a seamless, smooth mixture. She sat back most of the time, baking and cooking was never something she was great at.

Y/N rifled through the cabinets, searching for a cake tin. “Ah-hah! Found some!”

They were heart-shaped, rather than the usual circular ones. She placed them onto the counter before turning her attention to grease the pans and focus on making a couple of sandwiches.

“So,” she started, trying to make small talk, “Where’d you learn to bake so well?”

Peter went pink as he wordlessly flicked his wand; the cake tin and floated it into one of the pre-heated ovens and turned to make the frosting. “Erm — it was James’ mum, Euphemia, who taught me. She’s a great baker — honestly she’s good at everything.

“James and I grew up close to each other; we’re childhood friends. He never did fancy baking — liked cooking more and I felt bad he never wanted to help out Euphemia. So one day I offered to help and now whenever I’m at their house, I help around — like a tradition — and I do it in my spare time now. Helps clear my head.”

Just then, two house-elves popped in, each holding a cup of tea for each student. Y/N gave her thanks while Peter turned to talk to them, making them laugh and asking questions that seemingly were a follow-up from a previous conversation. A light dust of flour scattered the side of his cheek while he smiled with them. The more he spoke with the elves, the more Y/N grew fascinated.

Out of all the marauders, even beating out Sirius and James who were amongst the most popular students at Hogwarts, Peter was the most liked out of all of them, especially amongst her friend group.

He wasn’t James who at times was a bit too much and talked an awful lot. He wasn’t Sirius who was dramatic, nor was he Remus who was quiet and intimidating. Peter was just Peter — who was a bit skittish, insanely good at Wizard’s chess, bold enough to sneak into the Slytherin's common room all by himself and loved to bake, clearly was in the kitchens often enough to have full-blown conversations with the elves when most people would so much as spit on before walking away.

It spoke volumes of his character, especially since he was from a Pureblood family; bound to grow up entitled and look down to his inferiors.

She noticed Peter had quite a lot of friends, mostly women, always seeming willing to help someone in dire need whether it be listening, giving advice or comforting another person. It only made her recollect the time Peter had engaged in small conversations with her, seeking to make her feel more included. Like that one time he’d mentioned the Holy Harpies. Small, ostensibly insignificant, but contemplating it now; he'd been trying to make her comfortable — settled — welcoming her with open arms into his group; into the marauders and the girls.

Within moments, there was a newfound appreciation towards the boy.

The sandwiches they made, along with pork pies stolen, were stuffed into a bag, ready to be transported. Y/N boredly spun her wand between the length of her finger while Peter whirled around in his seat until the ring of the timer went off. The elves were already gone, zipped away into thin air as they grew tired with sleep.

Placing a cooling spell onto the cake to avoid the icing from melting off, Peter began layering on a thin layer of icing.

“What’s Lily’s favourite colour? Is it still purple?” He asked. Y/N gave a curt nod.

“Never been a fan of purple. One time I walked into my Grandmum’s room, she only wore purple knickers for my Grandad. Makes me shiver all the time — honestly, the woman traumatized me. S’pose it might be my Boggart.”

Peter also had a sense of humour.

While diligently working, she marvelled at his creation. A two-layer heart-shaped cake, decorated all in light purple icing covered the surface before Peter piped small designs and swirls onto it.

“Wow. I feel like I can barely hold my wand at times yet you —”

“My, my — what do we have here? Students out of bed?” A voice came from behind them. “Tut, tut, tut.”

The two craned their heads backwards where Peeves smiled and let out a squeal of delight.

“Peeves,” Peter began politely. He slowly set down his piping bag and put his hands up in a submissive, yet defensive manner, as if he’d encountered a feral animal. “Please — please, we’re doing something for a dear friend. Don’t get us thrown out.”

“What would happen if I told Filch about you,” the ghost responded in a saintly voice, but his eyes glimmered wickedly. He brought a finger to the side of his face, tapping his index finger to his cheek, thinking.

“What to do, what to do…”

“Psst, Pete, what’s happening?”

Nobody answered her. With Sirius gone with the cloak, it left her and Peter completely out in the open wishlist a ghost threatening them — not to mention the lie she told Filch earlier, there was no way she nor Peter were going to get out of this unscathed.

“Please,” he pleaded.

She looked at him, wide-eyed and started panicking. She repeated louder, “What’s happening? What do we do?”

Peeves then grinned largely and started doing large loops into the air. His cackling rang through the empty corridors, becoming progressively louder.

“Shit. Run.”

“STUDENTS OUT OF BED IN THE HALLWAY! I REPEAT, THERE ARE STUDENTS OUT OF BED IN THE HALLWAY BY THE KITCHENS!”

Peter grabbed the cake while Y/N swiped the bag filled with the rest of the food, piping bags and a small jar of edible decor. They ducked under Peeves, dashing out of the kitchens leaving a huge mess for the unfortunate elves to clean up the next morning.

Peeves floated behind them slowly as he watched them run. Peter ran slower, trying to make sure he didn’t face plant into the cake while Y/N urged him to run faster.

“He usually helps us,” Peter grits out, “But he’s a two-faced git! Never trust him unless you’re doing a prank! Never!”

Just then, Peter lost his footing and tripped over his feet, letting out a half-shriek, mixing in with Peeves’ evil laughter. They sucked in a sharp breath, watching as the cake flew through the air but Y/N, quick on her feet, grabbed her wand, casting a quick non-verbal charm and watched as the cake and plate froze mid-air before the plate clanked down first, the cake following and settling ontop. She ran up to it, cradling and wrapping a protective arm around it to prevent the cake from dropping again. She called out for Peter to get up before he took the cake again, this time with a shout from Y/N to not drop it, before leading her into a secret passway down the corridor.

Peeves could be heard laughing maniacally down the hall before they both could hear Filch’s footsteps running towards his shouts.

Peter maneuvered through the passage while Filch’s voice became more and more distant as they continued to hurriedly walk. Lily and Remus’ shift was going to end soon and it would be a lost cause if they didn’t make it up to the common room.

They both turned sharply, about to exit before Y/N crashed into a shadowy figure, tripping but being caught swiftly by the figure. They cradled her head to keep her from falling, but the sudden scare caused both students to open their mouths to scream, loudly.

“It’s me! It’s me!” Sirius’ familiar voice runs out, waving a hand to shush Peter while the other was still on her back. Y/N felt herself relax and erratic heartbeat to calm. She’d never been so happy to see Sirius before. Until she realized that they were still touching and they both ripped away.

Her heart spiked, and she felt oddly light headed. Soon enough, her eyes then immediately went to his hair and held back from chuckling — perhaps right now was not the time.

“I came once I heard people shouting and I figured it was you two. You okay?” His eyes darted to her at the last part.

Perhaps her eyes tricked her, that she was too tired or bumping into Sirius too hard, but it felt like he’d been making sure if she was alright. Since when did Sirius care? Although, Peter didn’t seem to notice or he’d ignored the interaction entirely.

“F-fine,” he wheezed out, “Peeves… Peeves caught us while we were decorating the cake. We’re not done yet.”

“What time is it?” She asked.

Sirius placed his wand in his mouth while pulling out a silver pocket watch from his trousers. “Ten to ten.”

“We have time then.”

Peter placed the cake down gently on a nearby ledge in the passage, causing Sirius to cast Lumos. Sirius kept a watch out, his head moving from side to side every so often as he listened for anyone or anything walking past them.

Pulling out the icing bags and sprinkles, Peter began to finish his work. He continued to create flowers as Y/N wrote on the cake (although with help from her wand), ‘Happy 16th Birthday, Lily!’ and then placed a couple of candles around.

As Peter continued to add his small touches, Y/N’s eyes drifted around, not landing on anything in particular but zoned in on the shining of Sirius’ rings. Her eyes slowly drifted upwards, studying him. The remainder of the full moon that recently passed spilled a muted milky light onto the stone floor and touched Sirius’ face. He wasn’t wearing his normal school robes but dressed in Muggle clothing. Black jeans, a nice sweater, notable messy hair and his body language was relaxed. This Sirius was tolerable, likeable even. She liked this Sirius — but perhaps it was because he finally wasn’t talking. This Sirius gave her an insight into what he was like aside from his annoying, bitchy self. Loose, wild, messy in an elegant way, confident — in his prime — looking for a thrill, sneaking around; mischief.

Suddenly, Sirius’ wand went out as he ducked down, huddling beside her and Peter.

“What —”

They met each other’s eyes, locking, as he brought a finger up to his lips which made her flicker down to look at them, quickly.

Their eye contact was brief, so brief, nonetheless, it contained a flurry of emotions too complicated for Y/N to process.

But being up close for those brief seconds, she was able to examine him — truly, for the first time. Her eyes traced over the singular scar on his face, hidden by his hair that made her wonder where he’d gotten it from. Soon the questions enclosed her mind like an overflowing river.

His small, unexpected gesture had been one of many which had been nicer and oddly thoughtful recently.

Sirius’ brain was written in cryptic code — so advanced and intertwined — too complicated for her to understand. She wanted to understand his actions.

Even if she didn’t like to admit it, Sirius had a depth that greatly attracted her. She had so many unanswered questions.

And since her brain ran a mile a minute, her emotions weren’t filled with that annoyance of ranger — no, for once she didn’t feel any kind of resentment towards him.

Maybe it was because they both had one goal in mind: Lily’s party and that working against each other during something as high stakes like this would fail a good friend of theirs. Or maybe it was that instead of her or him starting something — or maybe — maybe it was because the boy was so close to her, closer than they ever had been before. Or maybe it was the adrenaline that set every fibre of her being on fire — making her feel like honey-dipped in tea — or the odd thunderous throbbing of her heat spiking suddenly; Y/N grew warm all over.

It didn’t help that Sirius didn’t look angry either, but rather a sudden cognizance filled his gaze, looking both shocked and calm.

But quickly, she just chalked up her flurry of emotions to adrenaline or wanting to hex him — either worked.

For Sirius, he felt utter disdain as his gaze fixated on her. He was tempted to flicker down to her lips but her eyes, bright and filled with glittery stars, were enchanting. It scorned him — made his heart beat in an iambic pentameter, creating its own sonnet that would make even the most accomplished poets jealous.

He wanted to refuse her presence. Wanted to focus on anything but her.

But Sirius was a weak man. He failed. He always did.

Their eyes ripped away and they heard the familiar sound of footsteps and voices neared them as they spotted the familiar red hair and tall figure.

Their voices were slightly muffled.

“— times have changed! You aren’t a second year anymore.” Lily chimed while they walked.

Remus shook his head, instead of flicking his wand as a dozen torches lit up in mere seconds. “Whatever you say, Red.”

She swatted at his shoulder while Remus ruffled her hair, his smiling becoming genuine.

“Seriously, I support it.

“Merlin, Evans — it’s not going to happen. Look at me!”

“Not with that attitude and you look more than fine!”

Peter shifted his eight onto his other foot which made an audible scuffle. However, it was so quiet that neither she nor Sirius caught on but Remus, whose head swirled in their direction, did. He took a deep inhale, a look in his eyes, confusion melting into realization — there and gone — as if he knew they were there despite being hidden by the shadows of the night. He turned his head once more and started walking faster while Lily skipped down, trying to catch up to him.

Remus Lupin was an odd one alright.

Nobody moved until they were positive they were gone.

The entire night had been a shitshow.

“Okay,” Sirius exhaled, he felt his entire body tense up, “Let’s get out of here.”

“Do you think the cake is okay?” Y/N asked Peter as Sirius tossed the invisibility cloak over their bodies, hiding them from onlookers.

“Bloody well hope so,” he grunted, “We didn’t get caught almost three times, freeze our arse, almost get a month's detention, and probably destroyed the kitchen for it not to be great.”

Without another word, they made their way back to the common room where everyone made a fuss about how late they were. Quickly, Peter placed any last-minute designs, Mary handed everyone small party horns, Dorcas put up last-minute balloons while Y/N and Sirius helped each other layout all the snacks and drinks — this time, civilly.

“God… How’d you even get this much? Me and Peter were in the kitchens and we couldn’t even get half of what you got.”

At this, Sirius smirked before collapsing into the plush velvet couch behind him, an exhausted sigh as he sank further in. But as soon as the smirk was there, it was gone as everyone heard the clicking of the portrait open.

“Hide — HIDE!”

All the lights were blown out as they all hid behind the couches — they heard quiet footsteps — someone shuffling towards the middle — footsteps getting louder — louder — and —

Sirius lit the entire room as they all sprung up and Y/N quickly held her camera to her face and snapped a photo as everyone shouted,

“SUPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHD —” “Godric fucking Gryffindor!”

“... I’m going to KILL YOU MCKINNON! POTTER!”

Everyone groaned in disappointment at James and Marlene’s arrival before they heard the faint sounds of footsteps outside of the portrait again. Mary yanked Marlene down, shoving her behind the couch along with forcing a party hat on her head and confetti in her hands. Sirius grabbed James by his red sweater and rushed him up the stairs before getting back into place.

“Told you,” Marlene whispered into her ear, “Wasn’t going to be late.”

The real Lily could be heard as she spoke excitedly with Remus. The portrait swung open — everyone waited before she stepped inside — they put most of their weight onto their toes, waiting to jump — Sirius’ wand was about to light up the room — Y/N held her camera — Dorcas and Marlene were going to throw up the confetti —

“Why is it so dark —”

“SUPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LILY!”

Light rushed back into the room and Lily’s face lit up brighter than the sun. Mountains of sweets were piled into bowls while a small table was lined with drinks. Sirius outdid himself, seemingly raiding Honeydukes; there was taffy, Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, Chocolate Frogs, sherbet lemon, caldron cakes — plus the food Y/N and Peter had hauled from the kitchen; sandwiches, fruit, crisp (she made the mistake of saying chips in front of James and Marlene only to then be hassled by them for it) and pork pies.

ABBA played in the background, much to Remus’ demise as her purple cake sat in the middle on a table, all the candles lit. They all ushered Lily to blow out the candles while they all held wrapped gifts, cards and small gift bags.

“You didn’t need to do this!” Lily said, although there was a thankful look in her eyes, “This is too much! Thank you!”

“Anything for you, Evans!”

“You’re lucky we didn’t bring fireworks!” Marlene and Sirius grinned.

“You would have all gotten detention —” “Stop being a goody goody, not today, Lils!” Sirius slung his arm around the redhead.

Gifts went around; Lily had gotten so many cards from other teachers and students, handmade jewellery from Dorcas, Remus knit her a sweater with hearts, Mary and Marlene gave a joint gift, Peter bought her a small yet overly fancy tea set Lily had mentioned offhandedly before, Sirius gave her a first edition books she loved while Y/N gave her the gifts she bought from that old book store. Alice had even dropped by and given her a small package before heading back up for the night.

They all smiled widely at her and were thrilled to see her so happy. Y/N lifted her camera and took an abundance of photos throughout the entire night, before shoving them into the back pocket of her pants.

By the time everyone reluctantly returned to their dormitories, it was three o’clock in the morning and everyone was beyond tired, deciding it was time for bed.

“Night,” Dorcas called out. Marlene yawned loudly before falling into her bed, muttering out another round of happy birthdays to Lily. They were out the fastest — soft snores filling the room.

White specks seemed to blur through her vision as Y/N rubbed her tired eyes. She was about to call over to Lily, say goodnight, roll over and sleep before the creaking of her bed altered her to Lily padding her way to the bed. Y/N looked up at her, confused before scouting over for Lily to slip in, under her blankets.

“Are you okay, Petals?”

“Beyond perfect,” she replied with a wistful voice, “I’m so thankful. Thank you.”

Y/N chuckled, although she was a tad perplexed, “Y’know, it wasn’t just me who helped.”

“I know, but still. This birthday feels different from all the other ones I’ve had and I can’t help but think it’s also because of you.”

Lily Evans never ceased to amaze her. “Well, I hope you mean that in a good way,” she teased.

“Obviously!”

Silence fell around them before Toulouse hopped onto Y/N’s bed and settled himself between the two friends.

Y/N’s eyes wondered to the banner: petals... “What’s your favourite flower? Surely it’s not lilies, are they?”

Lily gave a small huff of amusement and shook her head, “No. Peonies or irises. What about yours?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll just say lilies for now.” She said absentmindedly before her eyes shot open. “Shit! I forgot —” Y/N reached over Lily and opened her drawer with the pouch of Jelly slugs before placing them into Lily’s hands. “Forgot to give you these.”

There was a soft look in Lily’s eyes and something Y/N couldn’t quite place. Her friend was acting quite strange.

“It feels like I’ve known you forever,” Lily says softly, her face flushed a rosy colour.

She stayed silent for a while, at a complete loss for words. Even a slight look of confusion crossed Lily’s face.

“Yeah, you too.”

111 notes · View notes

embrassemoi · 3 years

Text

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 17

Pairings: Sirius B, Remus L, [F]Reader Content: Language, possible errors A/N: slight head-hopping

Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter 17: The Stalking Map

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January 31st, 1976 | 11:30 pm

“Move your arse over!” Lily whispered. Moments after the lights went out, she crawled out of bed, her silky nightgown dragged across the floor as she walked over to Y/N. In one hand, she held a pillow, the other, Toulouse.

Y/N giggled, scooting over. “Can't get enough of me?”

“Hush! You know what I mean,” she blushed. Lily slipped in, the bed dipped as she wiggled around, making herself comfortable. But the small size didn’t help as they were slightly cramped together, leaving little space for either girl to move. Y/N made a note to herself to charm her bed so it’d be larger.

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February 2nd, 1976 | 12:23 am

“You really shouldn’t cram studying like this.”

A candle burned brightly inside their closed curtain drapes as Y/N continued to stress over an upcoming test.

“You’re smart — but you’re lucky if you manage a troll.”

“Be anymore encouraging, will you?” Y/N muttered out sarcastically.

Lily rolled her eyes, getting up from her pretzel seated position as her hand reached out, disappearing beyond the curtain drapes. Leaning over and supporting herself by gripping the bed frame, she grabbed a coffee pot and two teacups, pouring a steaming amount into each. She handed her one, Lily’s eyes squinted, her tongue poking out in thought before beginning. “So, five birds will be ejected from the wand with a blue light…”

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February 4th, 1976 | 1:12 am

They stared at each other for a moment before Lily’s mouth twitched upwards. The silence only lasted for a few beats before they both erupted into roaring laughter so strong that they had to lean into each other to prevent themselves from rolling off the bed.

“No. You. Didn’t!” Y/N exclaimed.

“What was I supposed to do? Not punch him?!” “Precisely!”

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February 5th, 1976 | 10:59 pm

Lily danced, jumping around on her bed. Her bright hair bounced around wildly whilst Y/N held her wand, pretending it was a microphone. One earbud was in Lily’s ear, the other in hers.

‘Yes, I’ve been brokenhearted!’ They mouthed to each other, despite there being a silencing spell around Lily’s bed.

‘Blue since the day we parted,

Why? Why? Did I ever let you go?

Mamma Mia now I really know!’

Y/N took her hands, pretending to play chords as if she were in front of an actual piano, mimicking the erratic backtrack. Lily shook with laughter before she slowly sank onto the bed as her hair sprawled out.

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February 9th, 1976 | 12:17 am

“Ginger —”

“I consider that harassment and bullying. Do you know how many detentions I can give you?”

“Haha — ginger.”

“Ten points from Gryff —” “No —” “TWENTY POINTS FROM —” “I’M SORRY!”

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February 11th, 1976 | 1:37 am

“What do you wanna know?” She whispered.

Speckles of starlight slipping through the cracks of their drapes. Lily, for whatever reason, seemed restless. It always seemed like whenever it was extremely early in the morning, there was a change in Lily’s demeanour.

Lily averted her gaze, biting her bottom lip, “Tell me a secret.”

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February 12th, 1976

After almost two weeks of their almost nightly rendezvous, they’d gotten closer than they have in the past six months and it seemed like Lily knew her better than she did at times.

Lily was practically bouncing off the walls. Every day, she seemed to become more radiant, happier, bubblier and Y/N couldn’t help but wonder what caused such a spike in her mood.

The redhead wove their way out of the bustling crowd, her arm linked with Y/N’s. She’d caught a few times, Lily looking at her every now and then before she seemed to stare for a little longer than what was considered polite. She’d forced a cough, fiddling with a strand of hair with her free hand; looking everywhere — or at anything, but her.

Sometimes Y/N felt and sounded like a broken record.

Repeating her thoughts over and over again, analyzing herself and the people around her; overthinking causing loads of unanswered questions… It was a problem that she didn’t know how to switch off.

Sometimes, it’d become too overwhelming, even to the point of tears in frustration and the constant overthinking. It would start with a flicker of interest, morphing into a spiral of questions, then irritation before spreading through her veins like a wildfire, spiking with anxiousness or fury. But recently, her over-thinking wasn’t necessarily overwhelming or maddening, this time it was purely curious. It was as if she blinked an eye; suddenly Lily would be acting fine — normal to becoming strange and skittish within mere seconds.

Perhaps it was stress?

February began and the workload for the OWLs was beginning to wear down on everyone. To be dramatic, every day became a blur, all merging into one blob: wake up, head down to the hall, class, lunch, class, study — then become too overwhelmed from studying and have the urge to cry or yell, dinner, study more, then sleep. With hardly any time to retain the information and the OWLs set to start late May, Y/N’s main goal was to memorize every bit of information rather than learn what it meant; that was for another time.

Whenever the fifth or seventh years weren’t in class, they were studying in the library, the hallways, even at dinner or lunch. It was so busy that the Marauders made it a point to swing by — even Mary and Marlene were becoming frequent visitors too. Mostly, they studied, but other times it ended with Lily constantly threatening James with detention (which he already received one and lost around forty house points after starting a small fire — which nobody knew how it even happened), Peter brought baked goods but ended up spilling a cup of tea over his notes and robes; Sirius and Marlene often mucked around while Y/N and Remus begun migrating to the common room after Pince threatened to throw them all out (and honestly, they were tired with everyone else’s shit).

And it had been taking a toll on Lily. She’d lost sleep and was slightly more agitated when it came to those around her and overall seemed to become quieter than usual.

Yeah, it was probably stress, but it didn’t answer her happy mood. Whatever it was, it looked good on her.

That day, they decided to eat lunch away from the Great Hall. They sat on a nearby window ledge, watching students idly as they passed back and forth, all having their own little lives. Y/N’s back was pressed against the window, her knees bunched together as Lily guessed the lives of people around them.

Young students, old students, some smiling, some frowning. Usually, Hogwarts was almost too overbearing. The swarm of bodies clung together like magnets, hard to separate, hard to pull yourself away from because soon enough, you’ll be roped into another set of magnets. While Hogwarts had been smaller in size and population compared to Ilvermorny, you could never catch a break here.

But, in times like these, they were able to come down from the high. It was fascinating and oddly calm; the noise, the chatter, it all became background noise.

And like a magician, Remus popped out, walking towards them. Lily waved Remus down, inviting him to sit with them. Although, Peter wasn’t that far behind as he came bouncing up behind. A few people waved to him, he’d even stopped a few times to catch up with a few students that passed.

Remus took the free seat next to Y/N, Peter next to Lily.

“Bloody cold here,” Peter said, rubbing his shoulder up and down, handing each girl a muffin before Remus, but he declined, waving around a small bag of blackberries.

Lily and Peter quickly fell into a conversation while she and Remus turned to talk. His leg brushed against hers before ripping away quickly. Even with just the slightest touch, Remus was a furnace. Y/N quickly looked up to him, their eyes meeting shortly. Her eyebrow curled up at him, wondering why he was so warm; had he been sick? He didn’t look bad…

She hadn’t been spending that much time with him as of late, aside from the study groups. But he smiles broadly. There was a weariness on his face that seemed to have chased away immediately. “Noon.”

“Noon! How have you been?”

His smile turns even brighter, so much as he could rival the stars. There’s a certain playfulness in his eyes, devilishly and sly. He looks too eerily like James, but it only tells her that he’d come up with another prank recently.

“Great,” there is amusement in his voice, so smug, so confident. “Came up with a new prank idea.”

Bloody knew it, as he’d would say.

“Tell me about it.”

“Well, let’s just say that there’s going to be a lot of dungbombs, Polyjuice potions and probably explosions.”

“Explosions?!”

“You’ll see.” Again, sounding so confident and smug. It put a smile on her face. “So what about you?”

Her mind racks around for a while; nothing much has happened recently; she’s stumped.

He considers her for a moment with a soft gaze, completely understanding. “We’re planning to mix in Polyjuice potion with pumpkin juice on Valentine's day at dinner. When the person drinks it; they should turn into who they fancy.”

“So where do the explosions come in?”

Remus gives a deep chuckle, “Now I can’t give away all my secrets, can I?”

But before she could make a witty retort, perhaps even convincing him to spill his deets, Peter calls out to Remus, pointing discreetly to a girl looking at them directly from the other side of the corridor. They all recognized her from the study group, a fourth year that comes on Wednesdays. She waved over to them — well, actually just at Remus as her other hand grasped an item behind her back.

He waves over, hesitantly getting up, “I’ll be back.

This wasn’t unusual — since he ran most of the fifth year groups, Remus constantly had younger students approach him in the halls. Although, they were all starstruck; after all, he was tall, a bit scary and a part of the oh so intimidating Marauders.

Their eyes were glued to his back as they watched the interaction play out. The girl tipped back and forth on her feet, swaying as she shyly looked up to him. She went on to a small monologue before pulling out a heart-shaped box of chocolates and holding it in front of herself.

Lily sucked in a sharp breath, a hand flying to her mouth to prevent giggling to seep out and the young girl overhearing, but it was out of entertainment rather than any malicious intent. Remus, however, did not look too phased, however, gave a pitiful smile, thanking the girl for her confession but letting her down softly. Within a second, the girl’s face contorted, her eyes swelling up with thick tears as she threw the chocolate box at Remu’s chest — but missed, scattering to the ground, as she bolted down the corridor.

“Blimey,” Peter breathed out, “That’s the third one this week. He’s going to beat Sirius for Valentine’s day confessions at this rate.”

“Well this is awkward,” Remus said, coming back to the group. He had picked up the box, an uncomfortable grimace on his face as he turned it around. Y/N looked up at him; he was flustered, unsure what to do. So, she patted his shoulder, gaining his attention and slid the box out of his hands and cracked it open; they were all sorts of different chocolate, milk, white, dark, truffles, shavings, even some had coconut while others were biscuits covered in it. It was intended for Valentine's day judging by the intricate and soft velvety packaging but she assumed that poor girl simply couldn’t refrain.

Yeah, she definitely should’ve waited — or not have said anything, but at least she had nerve. It felt like Y/N lacked the so-called Gryffindor trait often, so if anything, she applauded that fourth year.

The group looked at her oddly as Y/N shrugged, plopping a piece into her mouth. “What? Expensive chocolate is still expensive chocolate.”

She took the box, stretching her hand out, offering it to the group.

“Nu-uh,” Lily blurted, her wands waved out in front of her, “There’s no way I’m eating that.”

“Why?”

“Don’t you feel bad?! And that must be bad mojo! You broke her heart; why did you take the box?”

“Surely you saw her throw it at me! You didn’t expect me to throw it back at her?”

Lily stopped her scold, suppressing another fit of giggles before letting out a very loud snort. Y/N and Peter howled together at careless, ‘improper’ lady laughs that Lily usually didn’t make. Y/N liked the change, she seemed freer.

“Well, do you fancy anyone then?” Lily retorted as she composed herself.

Remus snorted too, scooted over to Y/N as she offered him the box. He nodded, grabbing a small bite-sized chocolate piece. He rubbed at his collarbone in a sheepish manner, cracking it which made Y/N and Peter's face scrunch up. “What do you think?”

“You should go and date around. Honestly, you have all these women at your feet and you’ve never gone on one.” Peter added.

“Yes, yes!” Lily urged, “Listen to him!”

“You guys care more about this than I do.”

If James and Sirius were the most popular students, James being goofy while Sirius was a playboy, and Peter had the most friends, Remus was definitely the most well-liked Marauder and the one with the coolest reputation; something that James was certainly jealous of. But the fact that he seemed oblivious to it, Y/N found hilarious and humbling, very unlike his friends.

His head shook. “Well then, what about you two. Do you fancy anyone?”

They both went red immediately. Peter bit the inside of his cheek before Y/N shoved the tray of chocolates his way; he grabbed a handful, eating them in complete silence. Lily, well, she went completely still, almost as if Remus had shot a spell at her. She coughed, looking away uncomfortably as a nervous chuckle embedded its way out.

Y/N’s eyes widened and she and Remus immediately whipped their heads to look at each other. Their mouths gaped, closing and opening like goldfish. Both of their minds reeled, thinking about the same thing. Remus snapped his head back to Lily, his finger pointing at her. “Godric! You do!”

“I-I do not! I don’t fancy anyone!”

“Spill! What’s he like?” Remus asked. They kept probing her for questions, in hope of an answer but she wouldn’t budge.

“Is it Potter?!” Peter asked, his happy mood dimming but he forced a chipperly grin.

Remus was choking on air itself, “You’re taking the piss!”

They all looked at her in burning anticipation. If it was true, James was going to have a field day. Lily’s eyes widened, reaching over to grab the lid of the chocolate box and wacked Peter with it.

They were a mess of giggles, particularly Remus and Y/N who watched Lily berate Peter for the sheer mention of James. They basked in the safe feeling of the sunlight on their skin, the warmth spreading through them and rivalled the bitter chill.

As more laughter erupted, memories created, chocolate eaten, the bell eventually rang. Lily parted off with Marlene and Peter, both in the small class, as Y/N joined Remus.

“You think it’s Potter? Can’t be, can it?”

“I think he’d cry if it was.”

“Truly, he’d go mental.”

“Or maybe Lily’s gone mad.”

Remus shrugged, a smirk tugged at his lips, “Perfect match then.”

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Y/N slumped over her textbooks, watching as Bowie the Bowtruckle climbed into her hand. She hardly paid attention to what Kettleburn droned about.

“Alright! My pupils, listen up; next week, we’re starting a group project for the OWLs. But, I will be the one assigning the partners — oh don’t give me those faces! I have picked your partner based on grades and strengths. Ultimately you will both work together on hatching a Puffskein and care for it. It will be ongoing alongside the rest of your OWL studies and other projects I will assign.

“You will be graded on the overall health and happiness of your Puffskeins. We have gone over their care for a while and I think we’re ready to start. Remember to refer back to your books and do not hesitate to ask me. I have all your equipment ready to go next week.”

Kettleburn coughed, unfurling a piece of parchment with what the class assumed was a list of names.

“To start, Dorcas Meadowes and Lucinda Talkalot —”

Great.

Kettleburn continued to list name after name. Y/N brought a finger to Bowie, letting him touch her gently.

“ — Crabble and Evan Rosier.

“Amita Patil and Edmud Brown.

“Sirius Black and Y/N L/N.

“Susan Chang and Agnes —”

Wait.

Her eyes widened, sharply turning to Sirius who already stared back. Both of their mouths were agape. She hadn’t heard wrong.

“Now, don't ask me to change partners. I will do no such thing. We'll talk more about this next week. Class is dismissed — don’t forget about your paper due on Tuesday!”

Y/N watched as the class got up from their seats, her shoulders slumped dejectedly. Quickly, she stood, walking to the door and pushed the assignment quickly out of her head. But once reaching the door, a Slytherin knocked into her. His hands were pushed out, causing her books and notes to sprawl over the floor as he scoffed down.

“Sorry,” she groans out, “I didn’t mean —”

“Watch where you’re going, stupid Muggle.” With a sharp turn, Crabble walked away with a nasty smile.

Sirius had seen the entire ordeal go down, finding himself stuck at a crossroad; it took all the effort in the world to prevent himself from walking straight up to the boy, hexing him beyond belief, but casting a glance at her, struggling to process what just happened caused him to reassess his thoughts. Instead, he took a deep inhale, noting to himself to take care of that later, and strode towards her, dropping down as he picked up her books, shoving them neatly into her bag while collecting any loose sheet of parchment.

“You okay?” He asked with a voice so gentle it could have been mistaken for a whisper. He turned his head upwards to look at her.

Her eyes were foggy, a faraway look in them, completely in shock.

Sirius wasn’t sure what compelled him to, but his hand reached over, picking up her hand delicately in reassurance. His thumb stroked over her soft skin and helped to pull her to her feet.

The touch broke Y/N out of her daze; the physical contact caused both students to have a fuzzy, odd feeling settling at the pit of their stomachs.

His touch was so soft, so gentle despite his eyes brimming with rage that almost seemed feral.

But, she hardly noticed it as she nodded weakly, jaw clenched. Her mind reeled, attempting to process her emotions — completely baffled and shocked. It was so sudden she felt like she hadn’t had time to digest the situation. Muggle… the Slytherin used it in such a derogatory manner. A word meant to simply describe her sounded bitter — disgusting and low.

Sirius pulled back quickly, the hand flying straight up to his hair. A thought passed through his head, he wanted to reach out again, but he squashed it for more important manners.

“Are you okay?” He repeated.

“Why are you helping me?” She blurted out before she could stop herself. It was the only coherent thought she had at the moment. Sirius out of all people should be laughing at her, shouldn’t he? Being a Pureblood and all…

The comment and the way her eyes judged him quickly told him all he needed to know. A panged sigh went through him.

“Look,” Sirius grew stiff, “I —” he paused, “I may not particularly like you, but I don’t like blood purist arseholes who push women more.”

With another once over, Sirius checked for any scratches or injuries before calming down. “I can take you to the Hospital Wing. It was a nasty fall.”

She shook her head again. The last thing she wanted was for them to get along only out of pity. Sirius understood, handing over her bag and walked away. She watched as his hand clutched the straps of his bag; his grip was so tight that his knuckles were white. His other hand, the one that he touched her with, flexed several times before curling into a fist.

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Currently, she sat by the window ledge in the common room, writing a letter to her mother. Although, her mother hadn't responded to her letters since December. In fact, her mother had only responded to two of her letters throughout her stay; about six months. It made Y/N bitterly press her lips into a thin line. For once, it’d feel nice for her own mother to prioritize her, to make her feel more important than her work.

Blood-red silk curtains nearly swallowed her whole, letting in the little light from the stars outside. The fireplace and chandelier were lit and she could scarcely make out the familiar figure of messy hair, two tufts sticking out like always, swinging an arm over her shoulders. He whined, “Oi! Evans has been stealing you! I feel like I’ve hardly talked to you the past week!”

“Jealous much?”

“Of course,” he said sarcastically, “Anyway, I, the James Potter, your best friend —" "Right." "— am inviting you on a prank. In or out?”

“In,” she said without hesitation. After the Muggle situation, she would do anything to get it out of her head, even for just a few hours. She immediately got up from her seat, walking out the portrait hole. James threw his invisibility cloak over them.

“What are we doing? Is it Remus’ prank we’re doing now?”

James turned to her, his eyebrows deep in confusion. “He told you about that? He hardly tells us before the day of the execution. Anyway, anything you want.”

“Anything I want? What about your boy band?”

He looked over to her in confusion, sliding out a small bag filled with both of their favourite snacks, tossing it to her. “Not coming, just us. Although Remus is on patrol tonight and his mini-gift to you — or er — us, he’s making sure that the Gryffindor and Slytherin floors are cleared from teachers. Should go off without a hitch. So, I’ll ask you again, what do you have in mind?”

“Pranking the Slytherins,” she said without a pause which caused James to grin.

“Atta girl! Learning from the best!”

The prank itself was small in comparison to the prank she helped with on Halloween. Y/N decided on having the prank in the Great Hall for everyone to see. James produced about a dozen dungbombs from his bag, setting it under the Slytherin table and placing a timer on it, ready to be set off in the morning.

But she insisted on the one Slytherin from earlier. Crabble, was it? She asked James to help her give him a little bit more misery than the others. They placed a dozen hexes and jinxes on his usual seat: hair lost jinx, jelly legs, horn tongue hex, Engorgio, twitchy ears, bedazzling hex —

Right now was not the time for Y/N to forgive and forget — revenge was beautiful, fulfilling; she couldn’t wait.

But, their only downfall was that they weren’t on the floors Remus had cleared out for them. So when Mrs. Norris came up to them, only to dash out of the hall, it caused the two pranksters to finalize their escapade before James grabbed her hand and fled the scene.

They ran throughout the empty corridors as the clicking of their shoes echoed throughout the corridor. They were both laughing, smiling brightly. They ran past the Bloody Baron and Nearly Headless Nick, woke up most of the portraits before they heard the vague sound of Filch’s screaming.

“COME BACK HERE!”

“YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO CATCH US!” Y/N shouted, which had James snickering.

He whipped his head around and placed two hands around his mouth to make his statement louder, “YOU MUST BE LOOKING FOR A GALLEON, EH?! RENT BOY!”

After an abundance of sharp twists and turns, passing by countless hallways and secret tunnels, James seized a blank piece of parchment from his back pocket. He muttered a few words, opening it and ran down another set of corridors, through a tunnel and outside of the castle.

“What are you doing?!”

“Just trust me!”

There wasn’t even a moment’s hesitation: Y/N had grown to trust James a long time ago.

They ducked under an overhead from the castle, far away from Filch. Their ragged breaths filled the air before Y/N snatched the parchment from James’ grasp. “What is this?”

A panicked look flashes through James before he reaches over, trying to pry it from her grasp.

“Nu-uh!” She waved in front of her.

He sighed, realizing that he wasn’t going to get it back and that lying was the worst possible option. “You can’t tell anyone — my chaps will have my head if you do —”

“Who do you think I am?! Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course,” he rolled his eyes at her guilt tripping, “It’s a map we all created — er — Moony was the one to create it. He came up with it and did most of the work. Anyway, it tells us where everything and everyone is at every minute of the day.”

On the front, it read in maroon colours of the boy’s code names, Moony at the very front.

Moony — Remus… always a surprise.

James opened it, flicking it open as he pointed to a pair of animated footprints sprinted around the page hurriedly; Filch's name appearing overhead. His name travelled across the paper at a fast pace, running and zigzagging down the halls in the opposite direction. And by the looks of it, Peeves was following him. Above, they could see Remus’ name close to where they used to be, his name moving quickly in what both assumed was him trying to look for them. He must’ve heard the screaming.

It truly was amazing their little map. She marvelled at the classrooms, every hallway, every inch of ground that covered the surrounding area. Passageways, hallways, doors and abandoned classrooms were all there. Although, a few areas were missing. She noticed how the little nook underneath the tapestry nor a large plot of land close to the left-wing of the castle had yet to be mapped out.

“I proudly present the Marauder’s map.” James boasts.

Her face scrunched up, “You mean the stalking map — perv.”

James faked an offended expression, a hand came to clutch his heart. “I was raised to be a gentleman!”

“Sure thing.”

He was about to make another joke before his face slowly fell upon realization, “Wait, really? Is that why Lily doesn’t like me?” He tugged down on his hair in distress, his eyes looking as if they were to pop out any second. “Do women think I’m perving around?!”

Y/N chortled, prying the map from his hands and slipped back into the castle while having a panicked James follow, completely freaking out in the background, spurting out concern after concern.

She followed the map, walking over to Remus who stood underneath a large painting. He escorted them back to the common room to prevent them from getting any possible detentions and not needing the invisibility cloak. But James continued to babble on about his (alleged and false) creepy behaviour, his emotions spiking while Remus watched the two.

“Okay,” he sighed, observing James have a meltdown as he clung to Y/N’s arm, spewing apologies if he had ever crossed a line. “What did you do? You broke him.”

"Nothing.”

He didn’t question it but his nostrils flared as he attempted to press his lips in a thin line, his face going as red as Lily’s hair.

103 notes · View notes

embrassemoi · 3 years

Text

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 31

Pairings: Sirius B, F!Reader, Remus L Warnings: Language, smoking weed, shitty parenting, mentions of death A/N: more of a filler but it helps establish stuff. *unbeta'd

【 Masterlist | Previous Chapter | ao3 】

Chapter 31: Drowning on Dry Land

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

The week before her flight back, Matthew’s parents invited her over for dinner.

Waiting to greet them at the door was Mrs. and Mr. Gaplin. Matthew’s father, a Half-Maj, was a Potioneer while his mother, an Old-Maj, was a Court Scribe. They wore large, kind smiles as Mrs. Gaplin pulled her into a tight, crushing hug.

After pleasantries, she and Matthew kicked off their shoes while his parents ushered them to the dining room.

“How are you darling? '' Mrs. Gaplin asked, floating plates in their direction as everyone began helping themselves to food. “Matt wouldn’t stop talking about you since we knew y’were coming.”

She side-eyed Matthew who groaned loudly. “Did not!”

“Sure thing,” she added, which caused Matthew to slump in his chair as his parents laughed at him.

It was a nice, charming evening; filled with laughter and heartfelt conversations. His parents continued to gloat about Mathew’s achievements that he hadn’t told her. It caused him to almost get up and run out of the room from embarrassment before moving to boast about Y/N. Even Mr. Gaplin asked her regarding her OWLs which pleasantly surprised her.

A few times, Mr. Gaplin pressed a few cheeky kisses to his wife’s face as Matthew made loud retching noises.

“Disgusting!”

Mr. Gaplin laughed. “Ya sixteen. Suck it up.”

“But you’re still my baby!” Mrs. Gaplin cooed, getting up to collect the plates.

Matthew tried to look insulted but she could see the small smile that threatened his lips as jealousy nipped at her toes.

The next few days were spent staying at the Gaplin household. Matthew’s parents insisted constantly that she should stay over so they could utilize the little time they had left before leaving. At first, the idea made her feel intrusive. Although, her mother hadn’t returned to the brownstone house, preferring to sleep in the on-call rooms at the Brooklyn Memorial Hospital. It quickly got lonely and boring before Y/N finally agreed. Besides, Mrs. and Mr. Gaplin were only around for breakfast and dinner - working for the day but never failed to return; always wearing larger smiles than the previous night.

They made her feel welcomed and warm - even taking her and Matthew to the local pictures. They included her in everything, even their trivia and board games after dinner.

It was quite the change compared to her family life.

Then an identical routine ensued. She would wake up, get ready for the day; spend hours with Matthew; then twilight fell as they stayed awake into the early hours of the morning.

The day before she was due to leave, she and Matthew ran up to his room after dinner. He went to lean on top of the small coffee table, rolling up a joint as she collected her possessions scattered around his room; not wanting to leave it for the last minute.

“Fancy some grass?” He asked in a poor British accent.

“Nah,” she shook her head, “But thanks love.”

Mathew’s smile turned bashful as he stood, turning on the radio in the background. She moved to open his window which was just above the roof of his shed as she stepped out with steady feet. Perching herself down on the blankets and pillows they hauled outside the night prior, she stared at the glowing city splayed in front. From the window, The Velvet Underground flowed softly.

Matthew proceeded to hop out, sauntering over as he threw a flirtatious wink.

“Brough this,” he said, tossing the camera he’d taken from her bag. She caught it as he nestled beside her and lit the joint; placed in his mouth. Billows of smoke clouded around them while she snapped a few photos of the view.

“Ya sure you gotta leave?” Matthew whined, embers of the end of the joint sparking with another huff. “Maybe you can smuggle me. Shove me into that trunk.”

She pulled the camera away from her face, inhaling the earthy, pungent scent. Her head felt a bit lightheaded from it. “A hardcore criminal at sixteen?”

Matthew was mildly amused until a troublesome look passed through his features. “Um — name something ya miss most about home.”

Home. What a funny word — place — feeling. Home was supposed to be something that made your heart glow, feel warm and happy — by that definition, a year ago home would’ve been her little house back in Toronto with the beautiful maple trees swaying in the backyard. Or home would’ve been Ilvermorny and its tall ivory walls. But now, London, or maybe just Hogwarts, had become her home. The scrolls around the Herbology greenhouse, the library, sneaking around past curfew; the Black Lake, Hogsmeade — Lily, James, Marlene, Dorcas, Remus, Regulus…

Unsure of what to say, she opted for, “You?”

Matthew rolled his eyes, bringing the joint to his lips. “Real charmer.” Then, smoke surrounded them. “But really.”

“Why?”

“C’mon! I need an answer! — I don’t know… say somethin’ like… lobstah.”

She chuckled. “Lobster? Really?”

“Or coffee from ya regular cafe.”

Deliberating it for a second, lips tugged up. “Coffee Crisp.”

He snorted. “A candy bar? Really?”

“Or Ketchup chips. Haven’t seen them in London yet.”

“That’s fucking disgusting.”

And then the silence returns but it makes Matthew shuffle in his spot. He blurted out, “Go — more brit insight.”

Y/N felt a bit hazy from the secondhand smoke. “More? You’ll get bored.”

“I won’t,” Matthew replied quickly, sounding oddly sincere. “Please, just… go on. Tell me everything.”

“Um… a friend of mine says crikey a lot. I think it just means to be mildly surprised? — They don’t say bloody or blimey as much as you’d think… Oh! Tea — they really drink that much tea. Also —”

Continuing, Matthew shut off again, going completely silent — not once speaking up or adding funny commentary; only staring at her, simply watching.

“Okay,” she turned to take the joint from his hand, “You're freaking me out. Spill, what's up?”

“S’nuthing.”

Whack!

“Jeez! Would ya stop wiv that! Gonna kill me…”

“Spill.”

“Fine! It’s just that…'' Matthew shifted, obscuring his face. Maybe if she didn’t feel so fuzzy, or if there wasn’t the smoke coming from the blunt or her small headache forming, she would’ve picked up on all the little signs. “It’s just —” he sighed, “I wanna hear ya talk — commit it to memory.”

“Obsessed with me? Not new.”

But that seemed to trouble him more. “It’s just… I don’t know if or when I’ll hear it again…” He looks up to the city in front. “Ya my… best friend. Could never forget ‘bout ya, but s’hard — keepin’ in touch.”

She pats him, encouraging and smiling. Her voice was hopeful, so much so that it made Matthew’s lip quirk up. “We’ll find each other. Always.” She said simply. “You and me, we’re like… salt and pepper. Soap and water — Hansel and Gretel!”

“Fuckin’ Dr. Seuss,” he smiled, that worried look fading away.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

The warm summer breeze flowed around them, just as the sun peeked above the airport. Expanse, clear skies with blue mingled with deep purples and pinks shimmered against the metal from the building.

“Gonna miss ya,” Matthew muttered into the crown of her head. Her mother didn’t want him to come, but Y/N simply ignored that request as he came to send her off.

“Don’t get mushy on me now,” she joked but felt her throat become tight.

“Betta get goin’ — Doc’s lookin’ like she’s ‘bout to butcher me if ya don’t.”

She snickered, pushing Matthew’s shoulder as she picked up her bags, walking backwards while waving. “Write me!”

“Course I will! Until next time!”

“Till next time!”

Once the plane took off, awkwardness swelled among the two women. Not once had her mother said anything to her — not to apologize or see how she was doing — although they never really did talk much. Honestly, she half-expected her to leave her in New York with the Gaplins. Easy to dispose of her.

The next few days Y/N, poorly, attempted to fix her sleeping schedule. It was a miracle that she managed to get up before dinner as her head poked into the master bedroom.

She cleared her throat, feeling herself swaying in place. “Um — hi. I’m making dinner tonight.”

Her mother was dressed in a simple, yet sleek dress. She was bent over, putting on high heels as she looked up.

“The hospital is throwing a party for me — the surgery was a success.”

“That’s amazing! Er — will you be back for dinner though? It’s just that I leave soon and... two parties are better than one.”

She considered her for a long time, eyes mostly distracted by her hair slowly changing to a different colour.

“Sure. But I have to go now.”

“Right, sorry, have fun.”

Thudding down the stairs and the door clicking shut, she followed not too long after. Making her way to the kitchen, she picked up a dusty cooking book, blowing off the dust and cracked it open; flicking through the pages.

Deciding on the seemingly easy noodle dish, she rushed out of the house to the local grocery shop for ingredients. It would be the first time they would be spending any time together. It had to be perfect. But she overestimated that no matter how closely she stuck with the dishes’ instructions, the outcome was a disaster.

The noodles somehow were rock hard. The sauce she made looked grey and was chunky, similar to badly mixed concrete and it tasted horrid. At one point, even the stove exploded into flames as she had to grab her wand and use magic to extinguish the fire.

Potions... She could use a cauldron, use multiple ingredients, make some of the most complicated spells and even had tricks of her own to make the process easier but she couldn’t make a simple dish…

Her face screwed together as she glanced up to the clock; she was going to come home soon as the dinner she made was disastrous. She panicked, cleaning up everything in a rush and decided to order food.

Waiting patiently at the dinner table, her eyes fluttered up to the clock in anticipation. She felt giddy, a surge of excitement rattling throughout her bones at the prospect. Her mother wanted to spend time with her! And she should be home any minute.

But then a minute turned to two, then five, ten, twenty, thirty — then an hour ticked by.

And then another.

Y/N got up, her chair squeaking loudly. Losing all her appetite, she went to her room, sleeping in early.

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August 20th, 1976

Going through the potential NEWT courses she could take was the highlight of her day. The possibilities were endless.

Wanting to take Defence Against the Dark Arts, Transfigurations and most of all, Potions, left her excited for the school year.

But the more she thought about the upcoming school year or potential courses, she was left to contemplate what ther5 future entailed.

Was she ready to give up magic? Something that fundamentally altered her life and moulded her into what she was? Magic was her essence, something she developed and nurtured — but to put her life in danger…

Rethinking that word again: home… Was London her home? Was she willing to leave, move again to be safer? But practicing magic around the world these days for New-Majs was dangerous. Or the potential danger she would put her mother in if she continued with it?

But magic… Maybe home wasn’t necessarily a place — but rather something she carried. In all sense, magic made her heart glow, feel warm, safe and happy — it felt like what home was supposed to feel like. And the idea of being ripped away from it, forcing herself to live a normal, Muggle life…

Magic was home.

So die, but have what she cared and loved most was by her side or live a dull life without magic — ensuring her life would be miserable.

There was a clicking of shoes in the hallway that snapped her out of her thoughts. Her mother came walking by.

Lips smushed shut into a tight line, still annoyed from the other night but was determined to spend some time with one another.

“I was planning to go to Diagon Alley for the first time — to get my textbooks... '' She stood awkwardly. “Do you want to come with me?”

“I can’t,” she replied, so quickly that it had Y/N almost scoff in disbelief. “Work. But have fun.”

She sighed but still waved her off and said a small, ‘I love you, stay safe.’ Her mother only gave her a look, something unreadable and left without a word. With a heavy heart, she grabbed her purse filled with gold and left for Diagon Alley.

Passing through the Leaky Cauldron was an adventure in itself. The shabby, tiny pub was jammed with wizards and witches zipping by.

Diagon Alley was bustling with so much magic she could feel it pumping through her blood. Students were hypnotized by the shiny new Firebolt on display; others were giggling, running around with shopping bags while older witches and wizards took a scroll. Her head turned in every direction; walking into the Apothecary, a potions ingredients and book shop.

Emmeline was there. She gave a tight-lipped smile which she returned.

Emmeline by every definition was nice, extremely kind and neither girl ever had a problem with the other. James was the problem and Y/N would gladly stay out of their feud.

Passing clamouring students, she managed to get all her supplies but stopped in front of the potion ingredients. She took a few minutes, flicking through the Advance Potions textbook and grabbed everything listed needed for most of the potions.

She made her way around Diagon Alley, going through many shops. The shelves were stacked high to the ceiling with books and materials. She spent more time than necessary there but it was beautiful.

As she was paying for her Herbology textbook, a large boom! rumbled the ground. Y/N took her bags, ready to sprint to the Leaky Cauldron but the shouts caught everyone’s attention.

“WE WILL NOT BURN WITH THEM!” A crowd of witches and wizards shouted. Their wands were transformed into microphones as a few shot fireballs up in the air.

“What’s happening?” A woman asked an old wizard. He only shook his head, grabbing a copy of the Daily Prophet, handing it to the witch.

On the front page, there were moving photos of people protesting, similar to the wizards and witches currently shouting.

‘Protests Break out in Light of Muggleborns and Halfbloods Burned Alive

Voldemort and his followers have been attacking Muggleborn and ‘blood traitor' families with the usage of fire. By burning them alive, or their houses. They bonded the witch or wizard with magic, making it impossible to apparate or leave their houses. Their broken wands were found at the scene.

Since then, protests all around Britain and Scotland have broken out. The Ministry of Magic —’

“WE WILL NOT BURN WITH THEM!” The crowd chanted.

Rage filled every inch of her body as she stomped out of Diagon Alley.

If she wanted to stay in the magical world, she had to be the greatest at whatever she did, because if she wasn’t, someone of her status was never going to get anywhere.

Magic was home, and she wasn’t going to let them take it from her. She didn’t want to surrender. They weren’t going to take that away from her.

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Immediately after Diagonal Alley, she began working; taking in her thoughts from earlier to heart.

Making sure to cover any windows from prying eyes, Y/N fiddle with first with new charms. Still unassured by her abilities in Charms, she considered taking another class before realizing all the different routes it led to. To become a Healer, Auror or Potioneer, she needed Charms.

Multiple charms backfired, causing them to ricochet off the walls, leaving a dent or chipping the wallpaper.

After trying out more than half the Charms in the book, there was one spell in particular that she attempted to cast many times, but without fail, was never able to properly cast it. Frustrated, her hand made a sharp flick and the spell spurted out instantly.

She tried again with the same hand gesture. To her astonishment, the charm produced easily. Quickly, she jotted down the note in her book.

Next, she glossed over her Transfigurations and Defense Against the Dark Arts book until her eyes caught onto the word: werewolf.

She learned briefly about werewolves, but that was in third year. And now that she knew a werewolf, it would be good to rehash it.

A werewolf, also known as a Lycanthrope, is a non-magical or magical being who transforms under the rising of the full moon. However, non-magical beings have a greater risk of dying rather than turning.

As the name suggests, werewolves are closely related to the non-magical animal, wolves. However, they have distinct characteristics that make them easily identifiable from wolves.

She flipped the page.

Wolfsbane flowers are poisonous to the non-magical world but it has been proven to have no effects on werewolves like they do on wolves. Werewolves are immune from the poison they emit and there are reports that Wolfsbane flowers help alleviate symptoms.

She underlined that section.

It’s a uniquely magical illness known to spread by saliva and blood. Werewolves are dangerous, blood-thirsty beasts — she flipped the page.

They cannot choose to transform and will no longer retain their human mind. Given the opportunity, they would slaughter their loved ones — flipped the page.

A mixture of powdered silver and dittany applied to bites help seal bite wounds. It’s also commonly put in liquid and digested in anticipation of full moons to help with the symptoms of transforming.

Y/N’s face scrunched as she continued to read.

There is no known cure Potion used to help treat lycanthropy.

She felt oddly intrusive knowing parts about Remus’ condition. But then questions arose. How were there no Potions of any kind there to help werewolves during their transformation?

Pushing the thought away, she turned to the cauldron, picking a potion to brew. They all were fairly easy, some she’d even done before just by playing around. But one potion that grabbed her attention was Draught of Living Death. Even at Ilvermorny, that potion was notoriously difficult.

Starting up the cauldron, she grabbed hold of the sopophorous bean. However, it kept jumping when she tried to cut it. She quickly resorted to another method, running down to her kitchen and grabbing the handheld garlic press, placing the bean inside, squishing it down as so much juice spurted out, even going all over her clothing.

The potion turned into the light lilac like suggested. But then as she stirred, her potion quickly became ruined as she restarted immediately.

Hours ticked by; several items in her room were Transfigured into cauldrons, as she poured the existing solution into the nine other cauldrons as she conducted her experiment.

Stirring counterclockwise was a sham, so she stirred clockwise. Nothing, the potion went bad. The next cauldron, she stirred counterclockwise and then clockwise, alternating between every stir. It showed promising progress before it turned a bright red after the seventh stir, bubbling over.

The next cauldron, she stirred counterclockwise, then clockwise after the seventh stir as the potion turned a pink pale. That’s what the book said would happen. She quickly cleared the rest of the cauldrons, pouring in the pink liquid just in case.

She continued to stir until it became a clear liquid. Surely, that was good enough but she could never be sure. After all, she didn’t know if this was what it was supposed to look like.

Deeply immersed, she hadn’t realized how late it got.

She laid on her bed, her light on as she read the scribbles on the margins of the books she'd penned. The textbook was outdated and everything she’s written down, there were easier ways to perform spells, create Potions and more. The other books must’ve been outdated too.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

August 22nd, 1976

Today, her attention was drawn to her Herbology textbook as she flipped right to the medicine section. Y/N had sneakily stolen a few of her mother’s medical journals as she scribbled down notes.

She flicked through the diagrams. Wizards and No-Majs were different when it came to their bodies and sickness, she knew that, but their anatomy was still the same.

An opera played in the background as she sat in front of the television. It filled the silence as her mother came from behind her, creeping her way closer to the door.

Y/N called out from where she sat. “Care to join me?”

“Can't, work.” She grunted out.

She placed the pen down, full attention drawn to her. “I only have a few days until school starts… you can’t spend some time?”

Her mom wasn’t looking at her, ostensibly staring at the floor, anywhere other than her face.

“It’s not that interesting, but um - I need help with medical terms and illnesses. You’re the best at that!”

“I can’t,” she said roughly. “Can't you see? You have to stop bothering me when I’m busy.” And then she left again, leaving her alone. Y/N would’ve been more bothered had she not been so focused on her studies.

There was a pattern.

In the Herbology textbook, in the werewolf section, there were a few ingredients used to help alleviate symptoms of Lycanthropy.

Dittany, Powered silver, Powdered Moonstone, Aconite…

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

August 26th, 1976

“Do you want to —” “Work.”

“But you always have work… can’t you take some time off?”

“You know it’s important to me. Why do you keep trying to limit that?”

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August 29th, 1976

She was partially through her Potions and Charms textbook. It was all she could fixate on.

Deciding to take a break, Y/N went to stretch, getting up to talk to her mom who again, was getting ready to leave. She opened the honey-coloured wood draw close to the door. She pulled out a set of keys, fixing her appearance in a nearby mirror.

She had already opened the door.

“Hey mom, I was thinking of getting lunch… Will you be back soon?”

But, there was faint muffling outside the door.

“Ready for our date?”

Y/N, desperate, seized hold of her wrist, pleading. “Please, I leave in a day.”

“I'll make it up to you,” mom replied, “I promise.” And then, the door clicked shut.

Again.

She stared at the door, trying to regulate what she was thinking.

What made them worthy of her time when their’s were limited.

Robotically, Y/N turned to walk to her room, her hip bumped into the drawer which hadn’t been fully closed. Her eyes flew to it, about to push it in as she caught a flash of white.

Yanking it open, she swore her heart could’ve shattered. White envelopes filled the draw; her familiar handwriting scribbled on top of each letter. She picked one up, twisting it over to the flap.

It was unopened.

She picked up another. Unopened.

Then another. Unopened.

Unopened.

All of them were unopened, sealed. Hardly tampered with and there was hardly a wrinkle.

Was there something wrong with her? Something so disgraceful that made her so disgusting that people kept forgetting - pushing her away? Like an insidious disease.

Was she truly that unloveable? That much of a nuisance? What made someone else so much more important than her?

It was too much to process but if she had to describe the feeling, it was like drowning on dry land.

Whatever home was, it shouldn’t feel like this: cold, lonely, sad.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

【 Next Chapter 】

Slang dictionary (+ a bit of history bc i didn’t realize how many ppl didn’t actually understand what I was talking about in other chaps):

Coffee Crisp = a very popular chocolate bar sold in Canada. It was a variation of a treat made by a company from the UK. It was briefly introduced to the UK in the 60s but was pulled back because people thought it was too similar to Kit Kat. From what I know, Coffee Crisp is not commonly found in England (I've never seen it in stores) but it’s sold in Scotland.

Candy bar = US term for chocolate bar / chocolate

Grass = during the 60s - 70s, the term 'grass' was very popular slang for weed in New York bc it featured in vogue.

And yes, the British do drink that much tea.

83 notes · View notes

embrassemoi · 3 years

Text

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars • 12

Pairings: Sirius Black x [F]Reader, Remus Lupin x [F]Reader Content: Language, possible errors Author��s notes: There are references to chapter 6: Regulus Black, 8: Halloween and 10: Sirius the Black Dog. The song used in this chapter is by David Bowie, Rebel Rebel, from the album Diamond Dogs.

The jokes I used are from http://www.jokes4us.com/animaljokes/slugjokes.html

Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter 12: Leave Them to Slug it Out

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

December 19th, 1975

The past four weeks have been trying. Everyone had fallen into this odd limbo while trying to balance out their personal lives along with school. In reality, there was hardly any time for anyone’s private lives. Life had become hectic for all fifth years as all of their professors began to pile workload after workload leading up to the winter break. It'd gotten so out of hand that Marlene even began to lug around her smallest Hogwarts school trunk which was issued with an extension charm to fit all of her parchment, books, Quidditch gear and any of the other girls’ things they couldn’t carry. Lily even began to run out of sticky notes that she began to annotate on her textbooks. Dorcas, who hated untidiness, absolutely despised it.

Their dorm was no different; everything was strewn across the floors and Lily’s neat pile of books was now scattered everywhere. Dorcas had even begun to break down from the amount of work and Marlene had become increasingly concerned, often bringing snacks to give her whenever she missed lunch or dinner.

Mary in particular seemed the most stressed out of the girls, although she had yet to talk or mention the cause. She assumed it was OWLs too. For the boys, it was still James. The glint of mischief slowly disappeared and he began to double down on his pranks; letting Remus, Sirius and Peter have the fun.

As she stood in the doorway of the entrance leading to Transfigurations, everyone was beyond bitter. Professor McGonagall was born and bred to be a professor, but at the expense of the students. She could effortlessly make an entire classroom curl in on themselves with a single gaze. Out of all the professors at Hogwarts, McGonagall was by far the most ruthless and strictest in preparing for the OWLs.

In contrast, Flitwick was nothing but nurturing and kind; the exact opposite which only made Charms an even more humiliating affair. Charms was always a reminder of the advantages and disadvantages in the American and British wizarding school system. While she excelled in areas like Transfigurations, Herbology or Potions in comparison to other students, the curriculum for Charms or Artimatchy at Ilvermorny was bleak. It wouldn’t have been so bad had Charms not been one of the easiest classes Hogwarts had to offer. By the time OWLs were finished, Y/N would only be passing thanks to Remus.

Some students began to shift the weight on their feet before Mary came, holding several cups of warm coffee and tea and handed them out to the group. A murmur of gratitude went around. Y/N brought the cup to her lips as a content sigh exhaled.

While some students took breaks between homework and studying, others found different ways of releasing that stress. In the corner, hidden from sight but could still be heard, was Sirius and a random Ravenclaw very passionately and obscenely kissing.

“It’s literally eight in the morning, can you give them detention?” Mary said out loud.

“Please, Evans.” James followed. He turned to Remus, “Moony?”

Lily grimaced with them all, “I don’t think it’s against the rules, Potter.” Everyone side-eyed the couple as they heard the smacking of lips, again. She sighed, “But I’ll try.”

Remus coughed as he clapped a few times to gain their attention. “Snog somewhere else!”

They didn’t stop.

“You two, cut it, NOW!” Lily’s prefect voice rang out. Her tone was cold and sharp which finally caused the couple to split apart. A ‘sorry’ could be heard before Sirius came into view.

“Bad dog,” Remus said.

Fortunately for the rest of the unfortunate bystanders, McGonagall opened the door to the classroom as everyone rushed inside, seeking warmth.

Today, instead of her classic emerald robes, McGonagall wore a dark navy dress. A few times, she’d even heard Sirius complimenting her, only to have McGonagall hit him on the head with a roll of parchment.

By the end of the class, she piled on another assignment. McGonagall’s gaze softened and her voice lost its strict edge. “Since the winter break is next week, I need all students planning to remain at Hogwarts to tell me by Monday morning. During your break, I suggest everyone skim through the next couple of units in preparation for the upcoming term. We will shift towards heavily focusing on your OWLs. Now, you’re dismissed.”

“Have we not been focusing on them already?!” Peter cried out.

“Instead of Binns, Minnie is the sadist.” James sighed as he took his glasses off to rub his eyes.

Everyone got up from their seats but Lily made no move to do so. Her quill moved frantically across her diary, jotting down any reminders and notes from McGonagall's speech. Her fingers curled the edge of the page as she flicked through them, busy writing. “At this rate,” came Y/N’s voice, “People are going to think you want to spend your break with McGonagall.”

“This is only OWLs. Imagine our NEWTs,” Lily laughed, clearly pained. She threw her quill and dairy into her bag and rolled up any loose pages of parchment. Slinging her bag onto the table, Lily fumbled with a few books as she returned them to their respective shelves. When she returned, Y/N was already standing, holding Lily’s bag in one hand.

The two bid their goodbyes as they walked in separate directions as their lessons were in two different wings in Hogwarts. Up ahead, James was waiting for her with Peter for their next class. Both of their backs were faced towards her. Stealthily, she tip-toed up to them and ruffled James’ hair, shocking him. The two tufts of hair didn’t stick down.

“Oi! Whiskers!”

“Will you stop with that?”

James picked up the habit of calling her a variation of nicknames like Floppy (her least favourite), Flops, Kitty and his favourite, Whiskers. She would never admit it, but Whiskers started to grow on her. He hardly used her real name now, so much so that it began to rub off on others like Marlene and Peter.

“He’s never going to stop with that,” Peter says before his face flushes pink in embarrassment. “Besides, it’s better than whatever Wormtail is.”

“I must admit that Wormtail is a… unique name.”

“Wormtail is a perfect name!” James tries to defend. “It suits you, Pete.”

He did not agree as he shook his head disapprovingly. “Anyway, what are you planning to do for the break?” He addresses her.

“I cannot wait for Christmas!” James excitedly cuts in. “My mother and father always go all out.”

If you searched through a dictionary for the phrase Christmas fanatic, a photo of James would appear. He’d gone on and on about it since the initial snowfall in November. It was so annoying that even Y/N, who desperately tried to follow his Quidditch rants, began to tune him out. Peter, unfortunately, was stuck with the majority of his rambling. A few times whenever Lily was in the vicinity to hear his rants, she’d bewitched James with Silencio.

He’d talked about baking cookies and all the new recipes he’d wanted to try out; stringing up lights, suggesting Hogwarts to have an entire feast every day of December, each having its own theme and somehow managed, and nobody knew how he did it by himself, smuggled in four fir trees from the forbidden forest. Professor McGonagall had stormed into the Gryffindor common room to see him placing ornaments on them. She wasn’t even mad but impressed. So impressed that she let him keep them there.

If someone had told Y/N about James and the everyday antics he pulled before she attended Hogwarts, she would have never believed them; choosing to believe he was a sort of myth because the stories were beyond ridiculous. He truly lived in his own world. He, no matter what, never failed to surprise her.

“I never did ask, but what are you doing for the Holidays?” In the background, Peter can be heard muttering out, ‘I did but you cut me off.’

“Staying at Hogwarts.”

Her words were met with a prolonged silence that she thought that she might’ve said something wrong. James seemed to pale before he shook his head back and forth dramatically.

“You can’t be alone during the holidays.”

She huffed out, the embarrassment slowly morphing into sadness at the thought of spending the break alone. Especially going into New years. “Nah. My mom is scheduled for surgery for the majority of the break. There’s no point of going back just to sit in my room alone. At least Hogwarts is big enough to let me roam for hours.”

“Maybeyoucanstaywithme?” James blurts out.

Both Peter and Y/N craned their heads to look at him, “Huh?” They say at the same time.

This time, he rephrases his sentence and starts slowly, “Stay with me — for the break. I assure you, it’s no bother and there’s more than enough room for the both of us. My family only celebrates Christmas, but if you don't celebrate it, we can always incorporate your traditions too — and it wouldn’t just be me and you. Peter lives close and Remus is coming to stay after Christmas.”

She was forced to decline, to James’ dismay. While she did like James, she was too shy to accept and in situations like this, she was reminded that they only just met a couple months ago. It would feel a little weird, to say the least. Besides, even if she did go, the last thing she wanted to do was meet his parents and explain to her mother (who needed to give legal permission) why she was staying at some random boy’s house. Plus, with Remus, Peter, and she didn’t doubt that Sirius would make an appearance, being around that many boys with little women made her feel a bit nervous.

History of Magic was boring as usual. Everyone would be lucky to pass with an Acceptable. But today, Binns fell asleep, allowing the students to play games. Marlene and Y/N were huddled in a corner playing exploding snaps, wasting their time away.

“What are you planning to do after Hogwarts?” Y/N asked her. The OWLs were forcing everyone to start thinking and planning their futures.

Marlene simply shrugged. “I’m not sure. But we have so much time to figure it out. Maybe travel — I’ve always wanted to go to Spain. What about you— YES!”

A flurry of cards exploded, startling some of the other students as Marlene won the game before starting up a new round.

“I’m not sure. Maybe a healer?”

“Following in your mother’s footsteps I see— Argh! Bollocks!” Instead of the cards, the loud bell went off, signifying the end of lessons. Professor Binns was still asleep and the cards exploded from Marlene’s sudden movement.

“You win.” She grumbled out.

Y/N smiled, but it held no trace of sympathy as she elbowed her gently.

They left the classroom along with Remus and James. Sirius and Peter seemed to have already left.

To fill the silence, Marlene said suddenly, “I once had a dream that Binns was a tart.” This caused a few onlookers to swivel their heads in their direction. A few students’ eyes grew large and were unnerved.

“And you don’t think that’s a little weird?” Remus said from behind them.

“Oi, don’t tell me you had a wet dream about him too!” James partially cried.

Marlene responds by punching him in the arm, “Potter you silly pillock! Of course, I haven’t! What is wrong with you?”

Dorcas then joined the group, Marlene chatting away with her as Y/N fell slowly back to talk to James. In a matter of seconds, James’ attention was drawn towards a couple of first years. One was a Hufflepuff while the other was a Gryffindor. Discreetly, he revealed his wand tucked safely under his sleeves and pointed it to them. In a matter of seconds, he cast Entomorphis. The Hufflepuff stopped talking mid-sentence before their mouth was closed as their eyes transformed into fly-like eyes. The Gryffindor boy was forced to crawl on his knees and sprouted feelers as he hopped around like a grasshopper.

At first, she was impressed by the high level of magic he performed until the realization hit her. She looked to the boys; James had a smile while Remus had no trace of emotion. It caught her off guard, especially since it was out of nowhere and it was not ‘justifiable’ this time around.

“Ay,” she hesitantly spoke up, “Not them James.”

“What? Mates will be fine.” He waved his hand dismissively.

“Pick on someone your own age.”

Surprisingly, Remus ducked his head and made no move to speak. Albeit quiet, Remus was by no means shy and was only further proved by his actions towards Snape in Herbology. This irked her but kept quiet as James walked towards the Great Hall, but Remus spun around, reversing the spells. She felt her jaw tense as she watched the scene play out.

The Hufflepuff’s eyes shrunk as their netted eyes returned to normal. The Gryffindor was splayed out on the ground and both looked at each other in similar confusion.

Remus turned around and ushered her into the hall without a word.

The Great Hall had roaring, blazing fires that bathed the room in a golden glow. Christmas decor was being put up. That was another drastic contrast in tradition she had noticed whenever she compared Ilvermorny and Hogwarts. Y/N remembered the various decorations appreciating a multitude of celebrations and cultures like Hanukkah. But here, it was just Christmas.

In the distance, she heard James greet their usual table, “Chaps and er — chapettes! How is everyone on this lovely, lovely day?”

“I’m freezing my arse off and I’m tired.” Marlene hissed bitterly. “Fuck you and your stupid quidditch practices. We’ve been doing them daily for a month. My body needs a break!”

Marlene had been struggling with juggling the weight of everything around her. Y/N didn’t even realize that sometimes she’d crept out of the dorms at night. A few times, Y/N snuck out to see where she was to make sure nothing had happened to her, but she found her sleeping in the common room with first year students. Their cheeks were stained with dry tears and a few new-maj children's books were settled in Marlene's hand.

“I’m only ensuring that I lead our team to victory.”

Instead of sitting down with her friends, Y/N walked towards the professors struggling with the decoration and fir trees. Flitwick was there putting up decorations while Kettleburn stood by his side, helping to put one enormous out of twelve fir trees that laid flat on the ground.

Y/N had become a lot more comfortable around Flitwick due to her newfound brilliance at Charms. He’d been patient and continued to encourage her to break barriers.

She approached him and his moustache covered up his toothy smile before he went back to putting up ornaments. Professor McGonagall stood beside him, coping with his actions. Y/N had even seen her sneakily steal a few sugar cookies off a nearby table meant for incoming students.

“Hello, Professor McGonagall.”

“Miss L/N,” she says expectantly.

“I just wanted to confirm again that I’m planning to spend the Holidays here, at Hogwarts.” Her professor studied her for a moment and Y/N felt herself shrink underneath her gaze until a rare smile tugs at her lips. “Don’t look too glum. I can assure you that the holidays here won’t be too bad.”

She nodded to her before her attention landed on Kettleburn. A small Bowtruckle was perched on his shoulder and looked at her curiously. Kettleburn noticed its interest as he took his hand and watched it leap on it, handing the stick creature to her. Y/N mimicked Kettleburn as her hands parted, laying it flat so her palms facing the ceiling. The Bowtruckle happily hopped on and the sensation of its small hands and legs tickled her. She only hoped that the amount of time she’d spent with Dorcas rubbed off on her and that the Bowtruckle liked her.

“That’s Bowie, the Bowtruckle. Got him as a gift from Scamander.” Kettleburn says proudly as he peers down at Bowie. “He likes David Bowie, hence the name.”

In her head, Y/N automatically thought of Remus and his borderline obsessive love for David Bowie.

After a while, she hands Bowie back and heads towards the Gryffindor table. The only seat left open was by Sirius who was quietly eating. Marlene seemed to be the only one who noticed this and stood; ready to change seats before Y/N shook her head.

This wasn’t like the last time Sirius had become radio-silent around her. Overall, he became unusually quiet. His voice no longer rung through the halls like usual. His reverberant voice became small.

But he’s been making an effort to try.

Beludgentlly, she sat down beside him, also trying to make an effort to repair this odd state they were stuck in. Sirius was hyper-aware and their entire section of the table quieted down as they watched their interaction. Everyone was quite literally on the edge of their seat. Sirius’ body tensed slightly, his jaw clenching before his body relaxed again. Sirius cast a lazily glance at her, his lips pressed into a tight smile. Then, he looked away, continuing to eat.

Her eyes lingered on him for a second before turning her gaze away too. This could work. This will work.

Who was she kidding, this was attempt number nine at trying to be civil.

He and James weren’t on the best of terms either, but not in the traditional sense. They spoke, still laughed and did their petty ranks but James’ smile was forced and masked with worry.

But there wasn’t much to dwell on it before Celeste came barreling towards the table, knocking off a few plates and bowls, causing everyone to jump and snap out of their trance. Letters and packages kept arriving late as the weather made it impossible to arrive on time for breakfast. Poor Celeste managed to battle her way through the blizzard as thick snow was layered on her wings began to melt. Dorcas pulled out her wand and muttered a warming spell.

“Scorgifty!” Y/N said afterwards. Her wings fluttered outwards and made the table coo. Everyone went back to their normal conversations. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as Sirius tilted his head at Celeste, smiling brightly. He picked off a piece of smoked salmon off his plate and threw it at her, even stroking her wings a bit.

In claw, Celeste dropped off a stack of letters and a few parcels: a shimmery waterproof sealed around them.

She flipped through them, looking at who sent them.

Mom, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew. She was surprised that she even got a letter from her mother. She ripped open the letters and shoved the packages into Marlene's trunk.

December 18, 1975

Whiskers! I like this James Potter fellow! He seems like my kinda guy.

Dreadful. That's what it's been like lately: utterly dreadful. Exams have taken up all of my time and I've hardly had any time to sleep. Ms. Anderson hasn't been helping. The choir is annoying and they've been singing Christmas carols amongst other songs. NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR CHOIR ANDERSON!

Everyone's been planning a small prank, tongue-twisting the choir. How can they all seem so happy while singing for hours like that?! Nobody is that happy!

And thanks for the package! I've sent you a few things too!

Until next time,

Matthew G.

The next letter was from her mother:

Y/N,

I can't believe you'll be spending the break alone. I hope you'll have some fun.

Mom

Swooping in was another large owl. She recognized that owl. The week leading up to the break, everyone had seen the Black family owl swoop down the Gryffindor table, holding a bright red howler. Every time, it would burst open, only to be met with a fury of screams and insults.

“SIRIUS ORION BLACK!” came the high shrill of a woman. Y/N picked up on a subtle French accent, “DO NOT DEFY YOUR FAMILY LIKE THIS. YOU. ARE. REPLACEABLE! AND WILL BE STRIPPED OF YOUR INHERCEINCE IF YOU CONTINUE TO DISHONOUR YOUR NOBLE TITLE. YOU ARE NOT OUR ONLY SON. YOU WILL COME HOME OVER THE BREAK. YOU WILL CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS WITH US. YOU WILL OBEY ME AND YOUR FATHER.” The letter then made a strange noise, curling and tearing itself into a pile of paper.

The silence was deafening.

Y/N chewed the inside of her mouth as she hesitantly sided-eyed him.

It didn’t seem to affect Sirius at all. He continued to eat his food, his eyebrows raised, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips as he stared at the letter ripping itself apart.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

Y/N didn’t know how it happened, but she managed to get into the same situation twice.

The dungeons were so cold that their breath became mist in front of them and everyone huddled as close as possible to the fire burning underneath their cauldrons.

Snape was on her far left while Lily separated the two. Y/N was about to join James and Peter who already claimed the cauldron at the back of the class before Lily roped her in. She didn’t have the heart to say no to her.

“You can be liberal with them,” said Snape to Lily. He sounded bored and hardly did any of the work, only watching and judging as the two girls worked. The entire lesson he groaned on and on, telling Lily what she could and couldn’t do despite perfectly following instructions.

Lily ignored him and continued to measure out a fine, grounded powder and poured it in while mixing before grabbing roses Y/N had chopped previously. Taking about a quarter of a cup filled with the petals, she instinctively dumped it in while stirring.

“Lily, that’s not—”

“She knows what she’s doing. If you’re so clever, you should do it yourself.” Y/N snaps at him. Although, whether or not she had purposely ignored the sharp tone or wasn’t paying attention, Lily simply pushed away from the remark.

“Right!” She said, taking on a teasing tone. Snape did not laugh. To fill the silence, Lily brought up the break, asking the two what they had in store. Her eyes flickered to Y/N, before ripping her gaze away and Lily’s ears turned pink.

“Going home like last year,” he began, “Although, I feel sorry for all the students who have to stay at Hogwarts. They must not be wanted.” He looked over to Y/N as he spoke, fully knowing she’d been forced to stay as he listened to her and Lily’s conversation earlier. She ignored him and continued to read the next instruction in their textbook. It was funnier anyway, to see Snape riled up after being ignored. His face tends to turn a blotchy red.

But her amusement did not last long as Slughorn was walking towards the group and Y/N had a sneaking suspicion as Lily stood taller and her chest puffed out in pride.

Shit.

She’d been trying desperately to dodge Slughorn’s invitations to the Holiday Slug Club party that was set for tonight, but it was almost inevitable. For the past week, he’s insistently tried to approach her. Luckily, he'd always do so after class but today, she wasn’t so lucky.

He was ambushing her.

Their potion finally completed, turning a bright purple as Slughorn interrupted them.

“Brilliant you three!” He chirps, “Now, Y/N, you’ve heard about the party in my chambers tonight, right? I trust to see you there?”

“Yup.” She smiles falsely.

In triumph, Slughorn’s hands are thrown halfway into the air. “Bring a plus one, it’s mandatory. Ten points for Gryffindor.”

With that, he moved on to a Slytherin duo a couple of feet away and Y/N grounded, dropping her head onto the table with a loud thud. A plus one?

Snape had already invited Lily a few days ago as his so-called platonic date. Dorcas did not like Slughorn; she couldn’t ask Mary, Peter or Remus— as much as she liked them, she didn’t know them well enough. Asking Sirius would be a complete joke and he’d probably turn her into a cat again, this time permanently. She’d only talk to Alice a handful of times and there was no way Y/N was going to invite the fifth, sixth or seventh years she met through the study groups.

That left her with James. He definitely was not a bad option; he was one of her first options but he was going to tease her mercifully. She sighed, it was better to just get it over with.

“I’ll be back,” she told Lily as she strode up to James. She mentally had to prepare for the embarrassment she was about to endure in less than a couple of seconds.

The sound of her feet scuffled across the floor as she stood at the foot of James’ table. Once he noticed, his eyes peered up from his cauldron and straightened his back. A hand flew to his hair, causing it to become even more untamed.

“Whiskers! What do I owe this pleasure?”

She rushed out, “Will you be my plus one for the Slug Club tonight?”

His eyebrows skyrocketed as he wore a bright, shit-eating grin. “I know flirting when I see it! You could’ve told me you fancied me, L/N.”

“So is that a yes?”

“It’s a no.” His facial expression was non-chantant and held no trace of remorse.

There was a very, very long pause. That certainly wasn’t what she was expecting and apparently neither did Peter who’d been watching the entire ordeal. In short, she was screwed. No— did he really just say no?

She’s screwed.

“Close your mouth or that Bowtruckle will crawl in there.”

Realization dawned upon her as she stared at him. He had a really good poker face. “I hate you.”

“Flops! I’m only joking. I would be delighted to be your date.” James proceeds to curtsy and bow to her. In a swift motion, he gets down on one knee in the middle of class, taking her hand into his before projecting his voice. At this point, the entire class is staring, including Slughorn. A collective snicker follows, the loudest was from the marauders.

"M’lady, it would be the highest honour you could ever bestow upon me. You have stolen my heart and —”

Y/N picked up his nearby Potions textbook and whacked James on the head.

“I love it when women are mean to me. You better watch it or I’m bound to fall in love with you.”

“Masochist.”

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

“What do you think goes through his mind?” Comes Marlene's warm voice. She’s beyond tied and has been forcing herself to sit up straight, watching as Y/N and Lily get dressed for the party. “Do you think his name rings true? He’s an actual slug.”

“What if his animagus was a slug.” Lily snickers.

"How useless. I think I would cry."

“Sluggy.” Y/N randomly adds.

The image of Professor Slughorn suddenly turning into a blob of sticky slime caused a sleep-deprived Marlene to burst out laughing.

“Sluggy?” Lily asks.

“Sluggy indeed.”

“Sluggy man!” Lily adds.

“Professor Sluggy-slug!”

“Professor Horny-horn!” Marlene shouts.

“Why would you say that!”

Marlene threw her head back onto the bed behind her, snorting loudly as her body shook uncontrollably with silent rolls of amusement. Tears began to form as she repeatedly slapped her leg.

“I swear if I have lewd dreams of Slughorn tonight, I will kill you.”

She doesn’t respond, instead takes a huge gasp of air as a loud wheeze follows. Tiredly, Marlene swings her feet off of the bed as she turns the music on her record player louder as she ropes in Y/N to dance with her. She’s too giddy for her to decline.

There was always this aura around her that made Marlene a force to be reckoned with, even if she was practically sleepwalking.

As she spun Y/N around, she managed to dip her, only to have Marlene lose her grip and send her crashing to the floor. In response, she grabs Marlene’s arms and pulls her down.

A soft rapping at the door cuts makes her laughter die down as Lily walks towards the door, opening it. There were harsh whispers between her and another person before her voice suddenly booms.

“I’m going to shove you into a body bag, Potter!” The door slams shut in his face and James’ voice can be heard protesting as the clicking of Lily’s heels stomp through the room.

“She’s been finding creative ways to tell him to bugger off, huh.” Says Marlene.

“It’s for you.” Lily’s voice softens.

James has a guilty face as she opens the door. “If you want her to like you, you have to stop annoying her.”

“I swear I didn’t say anything this time around! She just yelled at me and honestly I was amazed she even looked at me for that long,” he said defensively.

James informed her that he and Sirius, who she learned was invited as Remus’ plus one, decided to pull a last-minute prank. They’d bewitched the festoons of mistletoe to freeze students in place who walked underneath them until they were kissed. As a result, McGonagall gave them both detention at the same time as the party was set to start.

“Minnie got shrilly with us. I don’t think I can worm my way out of this one.”

“Sluggy is going to have our heads.”

“Sluggy? I ─ never mind. Why don’t you just skip?”

“He’s our professor. With OWLs coming up, the last thing we want to do is say no to him.”

He agrees, shoulders dropping in defeat. “Look, I’ll be there no matter what— just an hour— an hour and a half late. It doesn’t start for another thirty minutes, right? I’ll ask McGonagall to push it to now so I can be there earlier.”

“Cool, cool, cool.”

James had already been wearing a tux; his glasses strewn. He looked quite dapper and seemed like he was beginning to look genuinely excited. She felt a certain disquiet rise in her. The last thing she wanted was James to feel bad. “Sorry, I know I shouldn’t be this uptight about a stupid Slug Club party.”

“Don’t apologize.” He exclaims. “I get it. I’ll see you there, alright?”

James rushes down the staircase as she turns towards the girls again. By now, Marlene had passed out on Dorcas’ bed, sleeping soundly with blankets drawn across her.

“Lils.”

“Hmm?”

“Are you meeting Snape before the party?”

“No, why?”

“Walk with me?”

“Of course.”

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

The Slug Club was similar to last time, but Slughorn managed to enchant his room with magic to appear even larger. There was loud singing and a faint cloud of smoke coming from a pipe from older guests that were invited. This time, there were a lot more guests in attendance. Some she recognized from Marlene and James’ rants about quidditch. She didn’t know his name or the team he played on, but he talked idly with several other warlocks. James was going to have a field day once he arrived.

It felt crowded and stuffy as the house-elves popped in and out of the room, obscured by the trays they carried; bearing food and glass flukes. Another massive change was the table that typically sat in the middle. Instead, the room was lined with several smaller tables and chairs scattered through the room.

Most of the students from the last party did not return. The Slytherins and Gryffindors were cut and the majority of the invitees were Ravenclaws. Students milled around, some forming small groups while others seemingly just as bored and uncomfortable as Y/N felt. Seán, who’d been invited again, managed to bring his aunt who Slughorn unrelenting pestered him to invite from the last party.

Slughorn only gave a small wave in acknowledgement before returning to his conversation.

Lily already left her side to go to Snape, a crooked smile plastered on his face once he saw her. She noticed his hair was curled and looked obnoxiously shiny. Remus was there too; looking as bored as last time until Slughorn grabbed him to chat.

Y/N didn’t stand around for too long; gravitating towards an elf holding a tray of refreshments. Gingerly, she picked it up and thanked the kind elf.

Regulus also managed to be invited a second time. He sat in a chair, his legs folded at a white-clothed table. The last time either spoke was when he escorted her, of sorts, to the Slytherin dungeons and she hadn’t seen him since the quidditch match a month ago.

He was friendly enough and much nicer than probably most of the students in attendance.

Y/N pressed between the witches and wizards over to where he sat.

“Hi, Regulus.”

The boy looked up, he looked tensed and his voice was strained, a contrast of his silky voice she remembered it to be. “Hello.”

“It’s been a while.”

“Indeed.”

“Um — congratulations — on the Quidditch game.” Even if the Slytherins had cheated with the Bludger attack, it was irrefutable that Regulus did an amazing job and deserved to be credited.

He perked up at this. “Shouldn’t you be having a row with me rather than complimenting me?”

“Well if you insist.” She joked, “We’re going to beat you next year.”

Regulus smiled. For a moment, his brain seemed to short-circuit as he stared at her for longer than acceptable before he stammered out, “Please, sit.”

She fiddled with her hands and hesitated before accepting.

“He's really collecting us like bugs in a jar.”

“And he’s the slug!”

“Oh, I have a joke!” He said excitedly, “What do you do when two snails have a fight?”

“What?”

“Leave them to slug it out!”

It had been worth just going to listen to Regulus’s corny jokes.

“Tell me another!”

“What did the slug say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!”

“Haha! Wait, okay ─ I have one. What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!"

Y/N and Regulus found themselves seated next to each other for the majority of the night, laughing. Regulus had a charm to him that many others didn’t. Despite his usage of fancy words that no one his age should be using, he was funny. Although, she had to admit that he was a bit odd, which reminded her of Sirius a few times. One minute, Regulus would be quietly chatting away, whilst a bit guarded, before becoming lip-tight and cold as Slytherins would pass by. Perhaps it was just a family trait.

On the other side of the room, covered by house-elves and people, Sirius and James entered.

James scanned the room, his eyes jumping from person to person before stopping on Lily. His heart sped up as he looked at her, a loving gaze was in his eyes. Sirius noticed before sighing.

“I know you like Lily, but it’s been years. Maybe it's time for you to move on?” He said gently. James ignored him and his eyes lingered for another moment before pulling his gaze away. “Thanks for the concern, but you’re the last person I’m listening to for dating advice. How many people did you sleep with this week?”

“It’s not a problem, but an adventure.”

He chuckled before he saw Y/N. He felt immensely bad for half-ditching her, but he didn’t regret the prank he and Sirius pulled. It went off without a hitch, aside from McGonagall finding students rooted in place with advanced magic. He felt a giddy high from it, happy he was able to pull a last-minute prank before winter break.

“Merlin, everyone that gets invited to these things are gits.”

“Say that to Moony.”

James makes a B-line towards her, grabbing a few items off of the various trays floating by. Sirius on the other hand only seemed to frown once he realized where he was heading. A bitter bubble flares in him, seeing L/N and Regulus laughing. Regulus. The urgent need to release anger became uncomfortable.

“This is the company you keep? She’s associated with Slytherins.” His voice comes out venomous as he stares at Regulus. “Minger.”

James delivered a sharp slap to the back of his head.

“OW! Blitzen!”

“I thought you were trying to be nice.” James sighs.

“I have been!”

“Why do you hate her so much?”

“I don’t.” He studied his friend's face, looking for any sign of a lie. He couldn’t find one. James shakes his head, simply too tired to try and break down Sirius’ hidden messages. "I just think she's annoying."

“Besides, it's your brother.”

He chuckles sarcastically, “My lapdog of a brother.”

“Says you. Have you at least tried to talk to him about it? There’s still a chance.”

“No,” Sirius says stubbornly, “He won’t change. Not if he keeps sucking up. He’s going to become their mini-killing machine and I refuse to be a part of that.”

“Okay. Erm ─ you don’t have to come over there with me then?”

“S’fine.”

Y/N looked away from Regulus's face for a second when the messy mane of black hair caught her eye. James and Sirius finally came, emerging with two goblets, raising her spirits even higher.

“Hey, hey, hey! Whiskers!”

"Bambi!"

Then it became quiet. filled with an awkward silence as the two brothers glared at each other.

“Brother.” Regulus greeted, ignoring her and James, looking blank and void of emotions.

“Regulus,” grits Sirius. In turn, Regulus drops his head and fiddles with his cufflinks.

Trapped between a seemingly worried James who for one, regretted his decision to ask Sirius to follow him and two, had been sheltered his entire life and was left speechless. Sandwiched between, to what she assumed a family feud, Y/N was beyond distressed.

She gets up quickly, “I need to talk to um ─ Remus about Charms. Bye.”

Sputtering, Y/N got up and grabbed James’ wrist, maneuvering through the crowd.

“Really?” said Regulus, his eyes now on Sirius. It was the last thing she heard before they were out of ear-shot.

“What are we doing?”

“Leaving them to slug it out. Now come on.”

The only person in sight was Remus who stood by himself, still waiting for Sirius to come. James kept nudging her in his direction before James waved his arms around, gaining his attention.

His eyes drifted to James and then Y/N. He greeted both of them. "Where's Sirius, James?"

He points in the direction of the two brothers. Remus watched them carefully for a moment then back at them. He quirked a curious eyebrow and grabbed a nearby cup off one of the house-elves trays and took a sip before answering. "So, liking the party?"

"Oh! That reminded me," Y/N turns to James and points in the direction of the Quidditch player from earlier. James had to take a double-take to make sure it was them. His eyes became wide and dazed as he stared bright-eyed. "I'll be right back mates. Moony, Whiskers, talk or something."

He shoved the two goblets still in hand towards Y/N before brushing off any non-existent dirt off his tux and made his way over.

While James walked away, Remus responded with a smile that borderline on wolfish. His eyes caught the ornate glow of the lamps that highlighted the amber in his eyes, overpowering the green. "I think you just made him the happiest man alive."

She sipped the goblet to hide her pleased smile. She hadn't spoken much to Remus between her tight schedule, aside from study groups, but there was only so much homework you could talk about. Remus must've thought the same too. Their conversations were brief; they greeted each other, nodding politely and went their ways, but nothing more or less.

Remus diverted his eyes back to Sirius and Y/N saw a glimpse of a silver-white scar that started at the base of his neck and disappeared, hidden by his clothes. She cursed inwardly and dragged her gaze upwards.

Remus turned again and Y/N caught sight of another scar, this time pink. "Lily's over there, shall we join her?"

She shrugged and looked for Lily in the crowd. Y/N took one swig of her drink and set the glass down. "Lead the way."

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

December 24th, 1975

The break so far has been amazing. The day everyone was set to leave for Platform 9 ¾, she waved them all off. Lily sneakily left a card and a few New-Maj snacks she smuggled in for her. In return, Y/N picked a few sweets from Honeyduckes that Lily mentioned offhandedly she wanted to try and sent Celeste to drop it off.

Lily and James promised to send owls. James, in particular, was fairly consistent and sent her letters nearly daily. But it was nice knowing that they both cared enough to send letters. Although she wished James would stop talking about Quidditch for once.

For the majority of the break, she avoided the professors who so desperately and suddenly became incredibly concerned about her overall wellbeing. She was the only Gryffindor fifth year staying behind─ she was the only Gryffindor that stayed behind besides the seven years who stayed behind to study for NEWTs.

She really enjoyed the silence; it gave her room to finally breathe. It felt good. There were no annoying students there to pester her about homework at the study sessions, she didn’t have to worry about bumping into people she didn’t like. Almost all the Slytherins weren’t there, well at least the ones she didn’t like were. Plus, Y/N was left to her own devices with little responsibilities aside from a few quick reviews that her professors suggested reading over during the break. She even managed to practice a few advanced spells and read far into the OWLs and Charms material. She had about seven chapters already annotated and notes written for.

Y/N spent most of her time roaming the halls for more secret passages and managed by dumb luck to find another one. It was small and located by the library. It looked as if someone else had been there years ago. It was filled with the smell of old books and dust covered every surface. There were candles placed around and a large green couch surrounded by bookshelves and a coffee table. With a few swishes of her wand, the dust vanished and she lit all the touches secured on the wall. By now, she knew of three different passageways.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

When she decided to open up the packages her mother and Matthew sent, they all held snacks and small gifts but what she was most excited about was the plethora of cassette tapes. David Bowie’s Diamond Dogs, Fleetwood Mac’s self-titled and Queen’s A Night at the Opera were among her favourites.

Marlene’s record player was constantly on. Y/N looked through her various record collections and always stopped on was David Bowie’s Hunky Dory, Changes. A few times, it’s been too loud a sixth year prefect, knocked on her door and told her irritably to keep it down.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

Professor Kettleburn left the doors to his classroom open to her and any other students if they ever needed a place to stay. Y/N found herself eating lunch and dinner in his classroom every other day, watching and playing with his creatures or engorssed after conversation after conversation with him. Professor McGonagall made it a habit to drop by, even offering a few cookies or tea before leaving.

Slughorn held a few special Potions classes and tried to stop her in the halls again to invite her. This time, Y/N managed to wangle an excuse. She had to help Kettleburn and his on-the-run Nifflers scattered throughout the school or any kind of mystical animal he had. Thankfully, Kettleburn seemed to be on board whenever she lied about her whereabouts to Slughorn. He even approached Kettleburn sometime after her first excuse to confirm.

Kettleburn held all the classic traits of a Hufflepuff, loyalty being the biggest. He never once ratted her out and he even seemed to dislike Slughorn too.

Kettleburn gave her a few advanced lessons on Care of Magical Creatures. She was able to see Bowie again, a nest of sleeping Mooncalfs and Kettleburn even let her use and became familiar with the Monster Book of Monsters. There, she also officially meet Kettleburn’s assistant of sorts, Hagrid. She met him on the night of the sorting ceremony when he brought her to the entrance of the school grounds.

Hagrid hid a few of his odd creatures within his beard to shield them from the icy cold. His softhearted personality was amplified whenever he was with the creatures only highlighted why he and Professor Kettleburn work so well with each other.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

Christmas day was like any other day until she realized her hair was two different colours, split evenly down the middle of her head; green and red.

She laughed.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

The first day of Kwanzaa and boxing day passed and rumours spread like fire around the school of a wizard named Mundungus Fletcher who was banned from Hog’s Head. It became so out of hand that even Dumbledore had to make an announcement at dinner to calm the students and ensure their safety.

Rumours circulated the school of a mass attack on New-Majs and blood-traitors in Muggle London a few days before the break started. It had everyone on edge.

The Daily Prophet and Hogwarts tried to cover it up. They never addressed it.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

On New Year's eve, Y/N stayed up as everyone gathered outside to watch the massive clock in the courtyard. The snow stormed down on the remaining students and professors. Everyone shouted as the clock ticked down, some even holding hands─ more than excited to enter the new year.

She whipped her numb fingers over her eyes, brushing away any snowflakes that had clung to them, clouding her vision.

“TEN!”

“NINE!”

“EIGHT!”

“SEVEN!”

“SIX!”

“FIVE!”

“FOUR!”

“THREE!”

“TWO!”

“ONE!”

As the clock struck twelve, a flurry of fireworks boomed in the sky and a few students leaned in to kiss each other.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

January 1st, 1976

On New Year's day, she was surprised to find a Potter owl pecking loudly at her window around seven in the morning.

Y/N ran to the window and cracked it open to have him fly inside. A few white feathers flew around the room as it crashed into her bed. The owl was holding a parcel wrapped in gold wrapping paper. She theorized James would send a gift; he non-stopped pestered her about her interest a few days prior to the break. She mentioned a lot of random things that were from the New-Maj world to prevent him from giving her anything. The entire time he just sat there and smiled painfully, trying to understand what a highway or a salad tosser was.

In preparation, she brought him a new set of the limited Quidditch gloves that his favourite Quidditch team wore and a few New-Maj trinkets she thought he would like. Although, Y/N was a bit daunted at the idea of sending him a gift. She knew James was rich; he talked about posh dinners and robes and it showed through his clothing and the way he held himself. What if he already had it or didn’t like it?

She cast a warming spell over the owl and threw him some leftover owl treats she kept for Celeste and gave him the package meant for James. Then he was off.

The box was large, much larger than the box she sent back. Firstly, there was a card attached to the front. A wax seal was plastered on it, engraved with the Potter’s emblem and house colours. Below was printed in neat cursive letters was their motto. A bit grimly, it read; The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.

She knew James was important and rich but she didn’t know that he was this important and rich.

Inside revealed a flat rectangular metal object that at first glance she thought was a large flask. Black leather coated the top of the rectangle in three separate areas. However, there was one part towards the top; it was raised in the shape of a smaller rectangle. Instinctively, she grabbed it, and then pulled the smaller rectangle in an upwards motion and suddenly, it popped up.

It startled her and took Y/N a moment to collect her thoughts before she turned it around. It was in a funny shape. Her eyes flew to the lettering on the black base. In white font, it read Polaroid SX-70 Land Camera.

It was an extremely expensive gift.

A large red button was on the right side as a curricular lens sat in the middle while a smaller circle was on its left. There were a few dials that sat above the circles; all made out of metal.

Inside the box was an abundance of film that would last her a lifetime along with a case, strap and manual that she grabbed swiftly, eyes scanning the paper quickly.

She did as the instructions told, pressing the viewfinder cap down as a black sheet of plastic shot ejected out. For a moment, Y/N stared up at the ceiling in front of her and inwardly, she thanked James.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

That day, she decided to go ice skating. The black ice was frozen over and she even saw a few students on it the other day. In her bag was the camera along with a thermos filled with hot chocolate and her wand.

She packed skates for this reason.

She quickly laced up the grey and black hockey skates snuggly before standing up. She placed her earbuds in her ears, turning the volume up all the way. Currently playing on repeat was Rebel Rebel. As the first notes began to play, she took a deep breath and stepped onto the ice.

It’s been a little under a year since the last time she skated. The movement of her feet was strange at first, mimicking a gliding motion as they slid shakily across the ice. To stabilize herself, she used her arms to balance out her weight. It was wobbly at first but her movements became study. A bit of confidence surged through her.

‘We like dancing and we look divine

You love bands when they're playing hard

You want more and you want it fast

They put you down, they say I'm wrong’

About five minutes after getting the hang of it again, Y/N effortlessly danced across the ice without slipping until she was able to skate as fast as she could without so much as wavering.

‘Cause you've torn your dress

And your face is a mess

Ooh, your face is a mess

Ooh, ooh, so how could they know?

Eh, eh, how could they know?

Eh, eh’

With a huff, she breathed in as she looked up. From there, she could see part of one of the smaller towers of Hogwarts. It was nice, the sight. It was photo-worthy.

She skated back to where her bag was and grabbed the camera. She opened it, focused the lens and clicked the shutter button. As she waited for it to develop, she only then realized that it was enchanted with magic so the picture could move.

Y/N couldn’t help but feel a certain soar of emotions rise up as she stared at the photo, smiling softly.

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embrassemoi · 3 years

Text

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 24

Pairings: Sirius B, Remus L, [F]Reader CW: Language, fighting A/N: IDK how to respond to comments under post. I swear, I am not ignoring you guys. Send an ask if you want to talk! 💜

【 Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter 】

Chapter 24: Physical Attraction, Chemical Reaction!

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April 3rd, 1976

“I knew about his interest in the Dark Arts,” Lily trailed off. Her face paled significantly and Y/N was worried she was about to faint. “I’ve been telling him to ward off but… using that word?”

Y/N sighed, sinking further into her chair. She’d been dreading this conversation and the entire theme made her feel incredibly low; having to re-explain what happened to Lily who was in disbelief. She nodded meekly, “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, sugar!” Lily cries, sharply turning around to face her. “Severus isn’t a bad person. He needs guidance — he has no support and I’ll be able to help him learn.” “It’s not your job to fix him.”

“I’m the only person he’s got left —” “— Not when he associates with those freaks like Avery and Crabble! And goes around bullying —” “— You don’t hear me going around and telling you to be friends with.”

Y/N paused, knowing she was treading in dangerous territories. “What are you getting at?”

“Potter —” “Don’t bring James into this.”

“Why can’t I?” Lily’s bright green eyes became slits, mimicking a cat’s, “He’s just as much of a bully as you’re making Sev out to be! Just look at what he did with your hair!”

She drifted to the reflective glass jars on display on a nearby shelf. Today, she resembled a packet of split Skittles. Truth be told, Lily wasn’t wrong — it was a dick move on James’ end but she’s grown to love it and doesn't compare to what Snape’s done. A dull headache drills into her temples. “Do you know why I tolerate James?” She said pointedly. This entire fight was becoming more than what it should’ve and everything she was hoping to avoid. “Why he’s one of my closest friends? Because James doesn't call me a Mudblood! Nor does he dabble in the Dark Arts or has freaky friends! James respects me as a person and has never judged me for being a Mugglebo —”

“Severus does respect me —” “No he doesn’t!”

Lily trembled in rage, taking a defensive stance. One of her worst and best traits was her blind loyalty and kindness. “Yes. He. Does.” Every word felt like a stab. “Potter —”

“You know how I know he doesn’t?” Y/N counters, “He goes around calling people of our birth Mudbloods! It’s only inevitable that it will happen to you.”

Lily continues, “Potter is a bully. He makes fun of his appearance, insults him, publicly humiliates him —”

“It’s not like it’s not mutual! Snape doesn’t hesitate to insult and provoke James or the other Marauders! Do you see how he trails after Remus like a fucking shadow? He tried to —”

“Just look at Severus! He’s the laughing stock! He’s bald, stuck with Gryffindor robes — they prank him all the time!” Lily’s voice is thinned, struggling to keep her hands from shaking. “And you just told me you broke his nose!”

Y/N groans, her foot bouncing up and down. Her jaw is clenched as her hand makes grand gestures. “After he called me a Mudblood! What are you not getting?” She sounded patronizing and it didn't sit well with Lily. “And it wasn’t even James.”

“Stop defending him!” “Heaven’s sake, Evans! I get it; neither are innocent but don't act like Snape’s a saint.”

Lily’s face and ears were red and eyes swam with frustrated tears. Her voice is now hoarse. “Severus is my best friend! He’s always been there for me.” Each word that comes out increases in volume and pitch. “We know each other like the back of our hands. But us? We’ve known each other for how long and you’re —”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Y/N’s voice rivalled Lily’s. Any kind of patience stored now dissipated; her anger spiking — about to boil over at any given second. Borderline disgust and resentment emerged — baffled that Lily would start comparing how valuable she was compared to Snape. She finds herself scoffing and Lily refuses to meet her gaze; head shaking wordlessly.

She fought the urge to keep her chaos brewing inside her at bay. Her head drops into her hands, massaging her temples; another word and they’ll both end up saying something they don’t mean. The room was deathly silent aside from the impatient tapping of her foot and a mixture of their laboured breaths.

“We should stop h —” Lily started coldly. Without waiting for her to finish her sentence, Y/N got up and walked out, shutting the door behind her.

Aimlessly walking around the halls, she sulked before turning up to Kettleburn’s class. She eyed the sign; her fight warranted holding a Niffler. By the looks of it, nobody was there and she made her way to slip on gloves and opened one of the Niffler cages. She picked up one, petting it but a horrible feeling washed over.

“L/N?”

“Oh, hey Dorcas.” She turned her head. “Mary.”

Dorcas stood behind her, holding a potted plant, a few aloe vera leaves tucked under her arm and a watering can floated behind. The sun shone brightly behind her, and it was like her skin had sucked all the warmth from the sun. On the other hand, Mary looked a little… off. Her usual fierce demeanour and happy go-easy smile was missing.

Dorcas set her things aside before sitting down and wordlessly flicked her wrist. Y/N heard the faint clicking in the background and marvelled at the usage of wandless magic being used so effortlessly. Then, a fake Galleon floated out of a pouch and Dorcas handed it to the Niffler.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She forced a grin. “No thanks.”

Rather than showing false perturbation, Dorcas chose to watch her for a while before fishing over a tea set, pouring two cups. She was about to pour three before stopping.

“Pot or cuppa?” Mary asked, coming down to sit too.

“What?” “Pot or Cuppa? You can’t turn those down too! Dorcas grows really good weed. I can vouch.”

A real smile crossed her face. It felt like forever since they all spoke to each other alone.

“I think getting baked while holding a Niffler is a recipe for disaster.”

“Tea it is then!”

She found her attentiveness from the fight ebb away and focused on Dorcas talking fondly about her plants and a new Moonlit cactus Professor Sprout had given her. Mary was abnormally quiet, a far-away look in her eyes while Dorcas was chatty: the two seemingly swapped personalities. Y/N didn’t comment on it.

By the time lessons rolled around, Y/N’s frustration calmed drastically and coincidentally, Care of Magical creatures was next and she was faced with another predicament: Sirius Black. Class was essentially dismissed: students were allowed to leave to work on their last paper for their Puffskein assignment. But she and Sirius had been avoiding each other since that night.

Neither wanted to acknowledge the kiss. Y/N hadn’t told anyone and by the looks of it, because James would’ve come to harass her, Mary and Marlene about the bet by now, Sirius hadn’t either.

It’s as if kissing Sirius had released every beast in the Monster Book of Monsters in her body, filled with raging hormones. She couldn’t even hold a pillow at night without thinking of him. She replayed every second in her head and it left her mouth dry, skin ablaze and heart about to pop. All she thought about was Sirius fucking Black. His stupid face, (kinda funny) personality — silky lips — how would he look on top of —

It had been really bad.

It was even worse that Sirius fucking Orion Black was her first kiss.

There were no more fights, no talking — not even their ridiculous eye contact games. Whatever it was — their little rift — had become painfully evident that even their friends commented on how they missed their bickering. Complete radio silence, until now.

“... Hello,” Sirius muttered, “We should — ugh — get working.”

“Right, let’s…” She scratched the back of her neck nervously. It felt too early to know if she regretted it.

“Do you want to work in my dorm or the library?” Right, they left everything in Sirius’ room.

“Dorm. Everything’s there.” Yes, that's what she told herself.

They walked and worked in silence. Y/N even avoided breathing loudly because of how tense it was. With the added addition of her fight, she was left with little energy to attempt to fight with Sirius and regain any sort of normality.

For anyone, it was really important to just stop for a moment, get out of their head and analyze the bigger picture in tricky situations. Most times, it was liberating — freeing the person of their problems while other times you could discover new possibilities and potentials they hadn’t recognized before. But sitting there, staring at Sirius, she felt muddy and trapped. It just left her with a narrow point of view, worse off than before.

She wanted to know what he felt. What did he think? Did he regret it? How did he feel about her?

She looked back up to Sirius — he was already looking back — she whipped her head so fast that she felt some of the aches and nots crack from the speed.

Sirius coughs, making his way over to her, handing her his parchment. His sleeves were rolled up, pushed past his elbows. She looked at them for a little too long. “Finished the body paragraph. You?” “Revising the conclusion.”

Sirius looked at her, trained on every movement and it made her heart race. There was that swooping sensation in her stomach again. Maybe he was trying to break down and see the bigger picture too, but then it made her self-conscious. “Make it more uncomfortable, will you?” At least it was still easy to get annoyed at him.

“You brought it up.” He retorted fiercely. His eyes lingered on her lips just a second too long before he swirled his head, watching the ground. Sirius stood again, his mouth going to open but decided otherwise. His hair fell in front of his eyes, the blond beginning to fade back to his signature inky black.

Ah, fuck it. There will be another time to worry about the consequences.

In a swift movement, Y/N got up and grabbed Sirius by the belt loops of his pants and turned him around. They looked at each other — then she crashed her lips against his. In the daylight, she could see every eyelash, his soft skin and defined features. She quickly relaxed into it, craving the feeling of him again while Sirius had to take a moment before giving in completely.

Then she realizes what she’s done and panics. The party was different. They were caught up in the moment and a small pang hit her. Someone like Sirius... her feelings would never be mutual and she’s just getting into something she couldn’t have. It was a really bad idea that would only end up hurting her; leaving him unscathed. Y/N inhales sharply and he must’ve known she was about to pull away before wrapping a hand securely around her waist.

From everything she’s heard, all the rumours or eavesdropping in the hallways, Sirius was by far better than what anyone described. He made every bit of her tingle; a sensation spreading through her, paralyzing her arms, legs and brain in the best way possible. Everything about him made her feel impulsive.

Until she’s reminded of why he’s an asshole — but she doesn’t even know what her opinion is of him anymore. But she doesn’t pull away, no longer having the strength or want to stop. Yes, it was wrong. Sirius was her… not a friend — enemy? Whatever he was, her mind strayed and pictured everything they could do together.

“I hate you,” she said, her lips moving harder against his, “I hate you so much. You drive me mad.” There’s no weight behind her words yet it continues to fall from her, she just wants to regain some sort of control over her emotions. Sirius doesn’t say anything, his kisses only become messy, producing a low sound. But he chuckles, pushing her down on his bed. Her body bounces, elbows going to prop her up as Sirius crawls back on top of her. His body weight pushes her down and his hair is a wild mess that has too many images pop into her head.

“I don’t think you do,” he mused. “Tell me,” he says in between kisses, “If you hate me that much, why am I the only person that gets to touch you?”

Her lips halted and went stiff.

“I didn’t know, but your reaction told me.”

“Shut up, Black.” She bites back weakly.

“We’re past formalities, aren’t we, Y/N?�� He purred into her ear. His voice is noticeably raspier and instantly has blood pumping through her hard. “I have a few suggestions, though. I can also respond to…” Sirius brings her hands above her head and uses his weight to pin them above. He pulls his head away, tilting mockingly as he pretends to think; watching her intently. “... How about — handsome?” And then his lips trail her neck. “... Darling… pretty?”

She struggles not to make a sound as his teeth graze her skin and began to suck down. “Ah — okay. Shut up, pretty boy.” She can feel the bastard’s lips twitch into a smile at that.

Someone like Sirius… yeah, definitely wouldn’t fancy her back, but she’ll at least have fun with him while she can. Life was getting a little better, a little more beguiling when she started to listen to her heart and body.

After that, they both mutually decided to work in the library, knowing neither would get any work done if they stayed in his dorm.

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