#scrawny ass white boy

[expecto-kedavra]

Tbh Sebastian Sallow is a charming ass mf but irl I would FOR SURE try to fight him ALL THE TIME

[grimmbunniee]

Eddie Munson head canon buts semi accurate but he’s an absolute menace part two (kinda nsfw but it’s like only one thing 😭)

Definitely snores in his sleep and not quiet snores either.

He plays his guitar till Wayne tells him to shut up because it’s their sixth noise complaint within a span of three days

He dog pile you if your laying down (fat rip if your on the skinny or short side, because I’m pretty sure he’s 5’11/6’0 and is probably around 195)

Definitely gets salty about your celebrity crushes

He burns his marshmallows

He was Boy Scout when he was younger but got kicked out because he almost launched his arrow into the scout master foot. (But he still has some knowledge from his Boy Scout days)

He had to get the buzzcut because he got lice and cried over it

Proceeded to lie about how he got the buzzcut and said he had cancer to get pitty from teachers and classmates till Wayne found out and grounded him for two months and made him tell everyone that he infact didn’t have cancer.

Likes to break into the community pool with you (but will only do it if you can swim if you can’t he’ll probably try to tech you)

Speaking of swimming he’s definitely shoved you underwater

He’s definitely taken you to lovers lake and y’all have probably skinny dipped

Also he likes to kiss you under water

You can’t take him grocery shopping because he’ll act like a fool in the store and probably break something

He definitely likes to tease you but the moment you do it back he short circuits

Let’s say you have powers he’d think your coolest person to exist (already does tho before he found out)

He’d probably ask if you can mess with Jason and crew

He’d also ask if can you to fling something across the room (as long as it’s not his sweetheart 🙏🏾)

Also let’s say you have telepathy’s along with telekinesis (cause it’s canon that all the kids have telekinesis along with secondary power) he’d probably call you professor x and you get mad at him for comparing you to a bald white guy mainly because you had your head shaven (if you lived at Hawkins lab and escaped with El)

He’d probably freak out if he found you can read minds because I love Eddie but definitely thinks of prevy shit especially about you.

He definitely ask if you can read Ms. O’Donnell mind so he can find out the answers for the test.

He’d probably freak out (not in mean way but not in a “you did what 😰” way I guess he’d be more surprised then freaking out) about finding out you use to carry out assassin hits but felt bad because you where forced to do it.

Moving on from the powered! Reader

He definitely hogs the blankets it’s even worse when it’s winter

He definitely kicks you in his sleep

I’m sorry but he’s definitely the small spoon

I already stated this one in part one but while he definitely smacks your ass in public in private it’s far worse because he does it twice as hard and I mean this man does a whole wind up smack it’s so loud it can be heard in Kentucky probably.

Also I love him but he’s probably punched a hole in the wall and then Wayne proceeded to get angry and made him fix it out of his own pocket.(he was grounded for four months)

Also I personally head canon that Wayne’s been Eddie’s guardian since he was around 10/11.

If you have a pet this is how Eddie greets you

One time he got so high that he pissed himself he’s still embarrassed about to this day.

He definitely plays air guitar in shower (and has slipped in the shower because he got way to into it)

Takes snowball fights way to seriously (like he almost took out your eye due to how hard he throws 😭)

Definitely drank a bottle of perfume when he was drunk and mainly did it for a bet (he won 15 dollars that day)

[chaoticnerdsstuff]

JUST LET WILLOW PULL MY GOD WHO TF CARES WHO SHE ENDS UP WITH???

[comradekatara]

okay, so I did just spend the entire day watching NATLA. I had no choice but to watch this all in one sitting with my friends because I knew that if I attempted to watch it alone, or in increments, I would simply never get past episode 1. and I was right. it, of course, sucked so bad. I intend to write an actual, articulate review of the show as a whole when I have time, but for now, here is a list of the notes I jotted down on my phone (including some quotes from my friends as we watched), cinema sins style (pluses indicate details I actually liked, however minuses are far more frequent; points I considered especially significant are bolded).

– NO COLON to signify the central tension of the entire show!!!

Episode 1:

+ Love Aang’s eyebrows, just a very cute kid in general

+ opening fight scene kind of serves

– Sozin does NOT

– This clunky exposition is so strange considering they clearly already assume we are familiar with the entire show

– What’s going on with Kyoshi (ie, where is Roku)

– Where is Katara narrating????

– Hideous fonts

+ AANG SO CUTE <3 (he’s giving Dewey!)

– He can just fucking fly without his glider I guess?

– Airbenders saying wow at airbending (ding!)

– Aang’s uggs

– Sky bison…… L (update: I lowkey came around on Appa, but only bc Momo was so fucking busted he looked incredible by contrast)

– Gyatso’s mustache L (update: many such cases going forward)

– What’s going on with the accents???

– Aang cannot fucking act for shit I’m so sorry to this adorable baby boy

– Depicting a literal genocide as an action scene. Fucking awful

– Aang actually trying to head back during the storm defeats the whole point of the whole inciting incident of his entire arc????

+ Waterbending Avatar State sequence in the storm actually looks cool

– I hate White Sokka

– I hate shein Katara

– They do NOT act like siblings

– I hate White Sokka

– Where is Katara I miss you baby girl

– ZUKO’S SCAR IS AWFUL

– Katara has no agency or passion or rage or emotion whatsoever?!!?!?

– Acting is SO BAD

+ Clunky exposition works for Zuko because he does have a propensity for monologuing all his intentions

– Sokka, however, does NOT

– How can Sokka be “the last man” of the Southern Water Tribe if there are like. Dozens of other guys only ever so slightly younger than him just standing around.

– Kanna just saying Katara’s monologue because Katara is a nothing

– WHY DO FIREBENDERS KEEP ATTACKING AT NIGHT

– Clunky ass exposition “he had to grow up fast” give me a fucking break

– Who the fuck is this white guy

– Katara has no motivations at all?? She’s just chopped liver I guess

– The cadence of every actor is so bad

– They can’t decide whether they want to be the cartoon or their own thing and instead they’re just nothing

Episode 2:

– KANNA JUST GIVES HER THE SCROLL?!?!? KATARA DOESNT GET TO SHOPLIFT. OR DO ANYTHING

– MILF ALERT!!!!

– I hate you straight nepobaby suki

– She’s so fucking weird

– White Sokka has a bad face and a good body. He should have a strikingly beautiful face and a scrawny, malnourished body. L

– Aang being afraid to airbend makes no sense

– Where is Sokka’s fucking Kyoshi Warrior feminization!!!!

– Sexist ass show

– STOP IT KYOSHI STOOOOPPPPP #NotMyKyoshi

Episode 3:

– This one rebel leader guy is giving Katara more than Katara

– Why are the colors so bland

– Sokka being scientifically minded makes no sense bc that trait (which, um, is actually quite crucial to his character) hasn’t actually been established at all up until this point (or retained beyond this one episode)

– This guy is giving jock who happens to be good at engineering, when Sokka should be a NERD who HAPPENS to be good at FIGHTING

– Azula and Mai are NOT GIVING

– Azula should present as sure of herself and incredibly poised. It’s actual crucial to reflecting how she has been shaped by abuse

– And Mai should be razor sharp (both physically and figuratively) and not give a fuck about any of this!!!

+ Katara hitting herself in the face was funny

– Redemption for beautiful Jet (my friend: “I love seeing a beautiful man die”)

– Freedom Fighters are GIVINGGG

– How can Kya “watch the sun rise every day” if they literally live in the South Pole

– They don’t understand Sokka’s daddy issues AT ALL. The simple fact that he’s actually communicating them is egregious

– The first time Katara actually gets angry is for Jet. But not even for the right reasons.

– The first exchange that Katara and Sokka have that makes any sense is in ep THREE (of 8)

– “Sokka was right. You are the bad guy.” WHO WROTE THIS 😭😭

– Jet is only going after the corrupt and collaborators…. So, um… he’s literally right???

+ The fight between Aang and Zuko is actually SO GOOD and understands their dynamic (sidenote: they’re the only kids who are actually giving their original characters at all)

+ Aang reading Zuko’s diary is so fucking funny

+ I love you Danny Pudi <3

Episode 4:

+ I love the interior of Bumi’s palace. Statues of Flopsy

– Omashu is in India now I guess and also everyone in the world lives here

– Bumi’s hat!?!?

+ The nomads sound like Fleet Foxes

– Katara and Sokka are literally switching roles in this tunnel

+ This one Earth Kingdom soldier is really serving.

– The fact that he’s ostensibly framed as in the wrong here though is INSANE

– Zuko is supposed to be ten here 😭 that’s a grown ass man with a BA in Econ

– Sokka’s necklace is plastic

– Katara and Sokka being like “we never used to fight at home” ……. WTF!?!?

– KATARA WOULD NEVER SAY THAT TO SOKKA SHE WOULD BEAT HIS ASS INTO THE GROUND EVEN IF HE WAS RIGHT

– Adults keep being so mean to Aang :((

+ Zuko’s hair is great

+ I like that Bumi gave Aang his bison whistle(?)

– Bumi’s anger is….interesting

Episode 5:

– Canonically 13 year old Zuko is also a grown ass man

– “How was I supposed to know she was a Fire Nation soldier” ummmmmm maybe due to your INSTINCTS and CONSTANT PARANOIA

– They keep alluding to escapades offscreen without actually depicting any of their grounded bonding moments so we have no reason to care about any of these characters whatsoever or their relationships with one another

– Sokka good with kids and names??? Preposterous

– Zuko kinda gay asf

– Zuko calling someone an idiot and Sokka never once does . Sounds fake

– Oppressed peoples are just a mouthpiece for oppression instead of real human beings

– Instragram ass makeup

– Aang isn’t having any fun

– Aang feels like he has no agency whatsoever because he only ever does what the adults around him tell him to do and never does anything of his own accord. Let him have a sillygoofy time!!!

– Constant clunky exposition and no understanding of its own narrative… it’s truly like if ATLA … was LOK.

+ JUUUUNE

– Hitting on Iroh for #feminism

– “I always thought I was spiritually attuned. I don’t know how he got in here though” is actually so Katara. Finally an actual Katara moment

– Wan Shi Tong goofy asf Guardians of Ga’Hoole ass CGI monstrosity

– What is with Sokka’s fucking white people references (all you need is love, bye bye birdie, etc). White devil I need him dead

– Sexy Kitsune for the furries

– Fox accuses him of making jokes to deflect “What? I don’t do that” WELL. HE DOESNT IN THIS VERSION!!! (Alluding to a character trait that they don’t actually depict is crazy. He literally says everything he’s feeling at all times in this and barely ever says anything witty. It’s like they’re TAUNTING us.)

– Kya sounds like she’s from the Upper East Side

– Why won’t they let Katara DO anything!!!

– Too economical with their storytelling leads to no real depth whatsoever

– Putting Katara’s flashback in Book 1 undermines the whole point of TSR

– I HATE YOU WHITE HAKODA

– If Sokka is so bad at ice dodging in this then why did they give him the mark of the wise ??????? None of this scene makes sense

– Why is Sokka CRYING (he doesn’t DO that)

– Koh looks so bad

– Aang doesn’t actually know how to fight Koh he’s just such a wooden actor that he happens to get away with it

– First Roku mention????? Lmfao

– Gyatso talking to Aang is so wack but at least he’s being nice to him

Episode 6 (aka the best episode by far):

+ Zuko just drawing an eye on the page is so real actually

– Azula’s flames aren’t even blue

– And she’s not mysterious or imposing at all!

– I HATE the makeup in the show

– The pacing is AWFUL and STUPID, no consideration as to WHY information is revealed when it is narratively/thematically

+ Okay he’s really giving Zuko lmfao

+ Ken Leung has made Zhao feel like a real person (but no one else is doing that ???)

– Low-budget fantasy C-dramas have costumes one million times better than this.

– What is with Iroh’s obsession with boats

– Quirked up old man Roku

– Zuko flashbacks don’t read as significant because his scar is nothing and he’s the same age

+ Aang and Zhao scene is great

+ I’d follow Zhao into battle

– Other friend: “This is the best episode so far and it’s because Katara and Sokka aren’t in it”

+ Blue Spirit mask actually looks like a theater mask

+ Using the original Blue Spirit theme!!

+ This episode actually slays

– Their commentary on narrativization is solely relegated to Zhao and no one else gets to participate in this thematic conversation, not even KATARA

+ I love the sassy gay scribe

+ LADDERS SCENEEEEE

+ Zuko canonically having good handwriting is so real

+ Aang and Zuko conversation is great

– Why does Aang keep assuming Zuko is compassionate and wounded when he hasn’t displayed any compassion, remorse, or pain

– Iroh stepping into the Agni Kai goes against his whole character

+ Ozai kind of rules tho

– WHY IS ZUKO ACTIVELY FIGHTING OZAI!!!!!!!!

– Zuko’s backstory makes no sense

+ Zuko’s thotty little collarbone

– Ozai’s scene here undermines the whole point of Zuko’s banishment

– Such bad dialogue it’s crazy

– How do the 41st division not know why they’ve been on this boat for the past 3 years when every piece of dialogue in this show is otherwise expository as fuck

– What’s the point of Gyatso leaving. They don’t explain it at all

Episode 7:

– The NWT is so grey and underwhelming. My favorite location in the whole show. Can’t have shit in Netflixworld.

– BECAUSE AANG JUST HAS VISIONS OF THE FUTURE NOW I GUESS

– PAKKU AND YUE LOOK SOOOOO BAD

– Yue looks like a Euphoria character in a party city wig

– This isn’t how Azula fights!!!

– I hate what they’re doing with Azula so bad

– Mai sucks too

– Their journey doesn’t feel earned at all because they didn’t hang out or learn anything or do shit

– Why is Yue in the kitchens if she’s a princess

– And why is she WATERBENDING

– Why isn’t she repressed!!!!! She shouldn’t BE “ordinary”

– Why is Sokka explaining his duties!!!! He doesn’t SAY SHIT!

– Why isn’t the guy playing Hahn playing Sokka and vice versa (I’m so fucking serious)

– YUE’S A FOX????? WHAT

– All the offscreen battles where we’re supposed to assume character development actually happened. Sure.

– Hahn being nice and respectful to Sokka makes no sense

– MILF Yugoda! (How would she know Kanna. Update: I guess that doesn’t even matter here )

– THEY DONT UNDERSTAND YUE OR HAHN OR WHAT PATRIARCHY IS. AT ALL

– Kuruk is too serious and Roku is too playful. It should be the reverse. Playing into racist tropes :/

– His eyes are way too blue I’m sorry to this man

– They all look like they know what iPhones are.

– Yue is so annoying . L

– This whole Yue Sokka scene is the most annoying thing I’ve ever fucking seen in my life. And entirely antithetical to their whole deal

– “My friends” this “my friends” that, except they never actually hang out. They just keep calling each other friends but they never actually show it in a believable way.

– They want to be edgy but they actually never fucking shut up about the power of friendship like we are all five years old. I think when they said they were “appealing to a Game of Thrones audience” what they really meant was just that they are also bad, incredibly misogynistic writers who depict sensitive topics without any care or nuance.

– I actually like the Fire Nation boats

– Zhao is working with Azula??? She wouldn’t KILL THE MOON

– Azula would never ask Ozai to do things she would wait for his command at all times!!!

– Since when is Sokka wise and emotionally mature enough to hold this conversation with Katara, and why isn’t Katara being impulsive. This fight is so planned out; all the excitement is lost.

– Her completely blank expression as Pakku humiliates her. I hate you SHEIN KATARA!!!!!!

– This fight is so dull and lame whereas in the original that fight scene literally changed my life as a kid????? #NotMyKatara

– “The Legend of Aang” EW

– Why isn’t Aang waterbending at all. Book 1: “talking about water in completely abstract, hypothetical terms”

Episode 8:

– Iroh telling Zuko how to break into the North Pole is undermining the one moment where he actually demonstrates his intelligence as an independent person

– Stupid ass liberal feminism I hate you

– So they are sexist but also not. Makes sense

– What the fuck is with this moon backstory shit. Who needed that

– Zhao going to the Fire Temple instead of Wan Shi Tong’s Library for info on the moon completely undermines the point about the role of knowledge in imperialist conquest

– Kuruk looks like a Star Wars force ghost

+ THEY KILLED MOMO (kind of made me laugh a lot, so… points for that I guess)

– But they could only feature him for all of five seconds bc they don’t have the budget to constantly animate his mangy rat ass

– Why is Yue helping MOMO instead of ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS

– They want me to believe that White Sokka has compassion for that little rat when I simply do not believe that this man cares for anyone or anything or even has a soul.

+ Zuko and Aang’s situationship/chemistry is crazy. They’re both kind of slaying actually

– That said, the kid who plays Aang is not a very good actor, he’s just adorable and has big ears and a Dewey voice. And the kid who plays Zuko has the easiest acting job in the show because Zuko is actually so over the top and dramatic that overacting feels authentic to this one character in particular (and no one else).

– Bending fights look stupid and feel thematically insignificant

– This red filter looks so bad

– Why do they keep dragging out fast paced scenes to explain everything so that they’re now boring af

– Hahn is just……. Okay go off woke feminist king. Sure. Why not

– All the exposition is so clunky and slow and undermining the actual point of the scene

– Not only is this not visually interesting, it also doesn’t translate tonally, and the primary actors can’t pull it off

– So NOW Iroh kills Zhao. Okay

– Zhao wouldn’t respect a teenage girl this much, even if she is the princess

– Koizilla looks bad :(

– RIP Ken Leung the Cunt Slayer. 5ever in our hearts </3

+ It’s actually so funny that Ken Leung apparently didn’t even know what he was auditioning for because he was by far the best actor in this show and nearly singlehandedly redeemed it. I love this guy so much.

– Me: “This isn’t a show. This is a farcical simulacrum of real art.” Friend, far more concisely: “This is a fucking joke.”

– Katara and Sokka barely even seem like they care about each other. Look at how they massacred by boy (and girl)

– Yue and Sokka alluding to fucking offscreen WOULD be a slay if they weren’t both annoying as fuck…

– Oh so NOW Katara talks Aang down from the Avatar State. Yeah. I buy that.

– “You’re not just the Avatar you’re my family” really? Because you’ve barely even talked

– The sequencing and pacing of the Siege of the Noth was nonsensical.

– “My daughter always made her own choices” NO SHE FUCKING DIDNT!!!!! THE WHOLE POINT OF HER CHARACTER. WAS THAT SHE COULDN’T!!! Shallow fucking libfem bullshit they MASSACRED my girl!!!!!!

– Why is Arnook comforting Sokka when Sokka should be comforting HIM

– Also Sokka would never express his insecurities to Arnook in the first place. NOT MY REPRESSED KING????

– Why is Sokka giving emotional support and Katara giving tactical support -_-

– They really think that “Gotta let go of the past to have a future” is such a fucking smart line they used it twice

– Conquering Omashu wasn’t a STRATEGY it just happened CONCURRENTLY because their imperialist regime is incredibly powerful … This show doesn’t understand its own politics at all.

– Azula has no poise or swag smh

– Aang doesn’t even know about Sozin’s comet because Roku didn’t tell him…

– It’s crazy that a show written in the 2020s is actually SO MUCH more sexist than a show written in the 2000s.

– TDLR; I hate you capitalism, I hate you Netflix, I hate you White Sokka, I hate you SHEIN Katara, I hate you heterosexual nepobaby Suki, I hate you girlboss Yue, I hate you visibly insecure Azula, I hate you whatever is going on with Mai, I hate you CGI Momo, I hate you wack ass pacing, I hate you clunky, idiotic dialogue, I hate you complete and utter lack of consideration into what made this show great in the first place, I love you Danny Pudi, I love you Ken Leung.

Which, in fairness, is all pretty much exactly what I expected this show would be. But at least actually watching it did indeed verify all my assumptions (although what they did to Katara specifically was even worse than what I had assumed, dear god), so I will be writing up a more in-depth review soon so that I can actually try to unpack why this show is such a dumpster fire, and how that reflects larger trends in media. But for now, all I can say is, I can’t believe I sat through 8 hours of this fucking garbage knowing it would be bad and it was. I’ve been saying this show would suck ass since the second it was announced, and yet it somehow managed to still prove worse than even my incredibly pessimistic expectations. A soulless, shallow, offensive work of profit that cannot even attempt to justify its own existence. I need to kill White Sokka with hammers.

[multifandomconfusion]

Does anyone remember when Jesper Fahey canonically fell for not one, but two mentally unwell, scrawny ass white boys in a row?

[cav0404]

BYLER STARDEW VALLEY AU BLURBS

mike and will knew eachother mike spent his summer growing up on his nana’s farm so the two of them had met at a young age on the swings near the community center

the two boys just lost connection cause mike stopped visiting his nana’s farm after middle school so he stoped seeing will and then his nana died so mike moved from the big city do to in the letter his nana sent him before she passed telling him if he ever got bored of the city that the farm would now be under mikes name

mike moves from the big city to stardew valley and he meets some new town people and reconnects with old one. an old friend of mikes is working at one of the shops in the town and it's will and there’s like an instant attraction between the two of them bringing up some old feelings from the two of them featuring bar tender will (who hates alcohol bc of his dad but needs the money) and mike the new farmer (scrawny white boy who can barley lift the tools)

featuring wills sister who likes eating rocks(el) the guy who's a reddit mod and plays dnd in his basement (dustin) the sculptor who lives in a shack in the woods (max) the jock who always finds a way to be in the woods near the sculptors house (lucas)

so that’s like the background now time for the head cannons tee hee

* mike hundred percent tries to visit the bar every day just in hopes of seeing will working

* mike works his ass off to try to fix the community center cause that’s where he first met will

*will uses the bar as a place to display his art and mike hundred % tries to buy all of it

*the them meeting and becoming friends is exactly the same as regular strangers things because i firmly believe that that’s how they meet in every universe

*once the community center is fully complete mike also goes and repairs the swing set next to it and finds will there one day

*Mike asks will out on the same place they first met

*mike and will often see each other in the mines cause will is there getting gems for el and mike is there cause he’s a simp

I love them so much if you want more please send me request

[punkeropercyjackson]

Re afro-dominican book!Percy and how foul and fake the fandom is with it because i can never shut the fuck up(as i shouldn't),y'all not only don't write him as a black man but y'all don't even write him as PERCY JACKSON which is what makes him work as afro-dominican to begin with

Can he call Sally Mamí?Can her and Paul be black love since he's giving dorky black sitcom dad and dosen't have an in-text race either?Can we keep Laura as her mom's name like we were originally given since it's a normal name for a latina?Can Percy be short for Perseo?Can he be transfem bigender and a black femme?Can he have black hairstyles?Baby dreads in TLT,wicks in TTC,twists in TLO,afro for most of SON as he dosen't remember what styles he likes but dreads by the finale,adding beads in MOA and long locs by the time he's 19?Can he be monoracial instead of a cringe ass instagram lightskin and work as commentary on black and latino stereotypes i.e being poor with a deadbeat birth dad and a physically abusive stepdad and how it's not the fault of black people our intergenerational trauma has been used against us by colonizers who literally made it worse for us historically?Can he overcome them by being literal royalty on his BLACK-greek's dad side and the best greco-roman hero ever in-universe?

Can part of Sally's love for the sea come from being dominican?Can she have passed that down to her Tesoro Perseo not JUST because of Poseidon but also as afro-carribean raising?Can Percy be crustpunk,afropunk,seapunk AND solarpunk because the sea does not like to be restrained?Can she be autistic with no masking game and that's another big reason she's an outcast even amongst other demigods and why her mortal world childhood was even worse than their's?Can she know how to diy things that don't even exist and play video games only on seconshands/emulators/phones for anti-capitalist principal and go to thrift stores and drink energy drinks but only the blue flavors and have a preference for the tropical ones and do deep dive research on punk culture?Can she love female rappers and punk rock and Lo-Fi beats and hipop?Can he be trilingual?Can he be a skincare and haircare king?Can he have blue durags and blue bonnets and blue hair beads?

Can y'all let the 'slutty bisexual' allegations go seeing as he's obviously demisexual?Can his type not be blondes but black women,which not only has an in-universe basis thanks to canon Percabeth and Leah Jeffries combo but is also mythological accurate as names have powers in Pjo and Percy's namesake was married to Andromeda,the princess of ETHOPIA?Can Percy and Leah be black solidarity even just platonically?Can they bond and be close and not have poor Leah be forced into 'black hair means boy and blonde hair means girl' syndrome,especially because book!Annabeth explicitly hates being blonde and y'all fake clowned her for it only to make actual darkhaired Annabeth blonde so you're automatically faker than she is cause at least she meant that shit and the universe granted her wish?Can Rachel be nigerian yoruba and them black anarchist besties at Goode High as Rachel teaches him how to do protests and takes him to charity events and they graffiti public property together and them be in love and dating for a bit and being even closer post breakup with no regrets to past Perachel?Can Thalia and Jason be black/white mixed with Jason a natural dirty blonde browneyed lightskin and Thalia darkskin with almost all of Zeus' looks as per canon so Jercy can be black mlm so it's ruined for horndog nonblack freaks and we can get even alt black rep?

Can Nico be black too to defy the 'black girl always has white siblings' trope and disregard him being described as 'a scrawny white boy' by Hazel since y'all disregard everythin' about Percy like seeing Nico as a little kid-HIS little kid even-to make him sexually harrass him over getting over him because your younger siblings don't love you and you creep minors in fandoms out?Can Nico,Hazel and Percy be a black siblings trio?Can he basically be their dad and Sally legally be their guardian because Hades is a fucking abusive freak?Can Hazel be explored on since she's got infinitely more going for her than any background characters y'all obssess over and Nico be recognized as the precious traumatized lil boy he is instead of just an edgecase,BOTH of which Percy sees them as canonically?????Can he have a backbone against the gods as he does,again,CANONICALLY,instead of pathetically emulating them like Luke and take direct action and fix the system himself?

Can he love latino memes and legos and Pokemon?Can he dunk on Hp fans for being geeks instead of freaks?Can he own dominican flag merch?Can he call Nico and Hazel 'Papito and Mamita'?In DC aus,can he be Duke Thomas' Super instead of being forced into Tim Drake's core cast or worse yet adopted by Batbags?And in Marvel aus,can he be a Spiderpunk Variant since like how he's not Batkid-coded but Kryptonian human hybrid-coded,he's not Peter Parker-coded but Hobie Brown-coded?Can be he brutal and unrestrained and tough yet salty sweet and gentle?IT IS 2024,ENOUGH WITH THE RESPECTABILITY POLITICS IN FUCKING PJO HCS OF ALL PLACES,I DON'T PERCY TO BE PALPABLE,I WANT HIM TO BE A NIGGA!!!!!!!!!!!

[thehellsystem]

the varigo is killing me rn.,,. . do you have head canons

WRITING A VARIGO FIC RN SO YES Varian just never stopped being afraid of blood. So, one time, Hugo got hurt during the trials. Bleeding all over the place kind of injury. "Did Varian help him?" "Did Varian support him?" Varian dropped like a rock to the ground and Nuru and Yong found them knocked out and one of them covered in blood and they were like "...what is WRONG with these adults?" Playing Pokemon Violet DLC,,,,, Varian would have a Galarian Zigzagoon and Hugo would have a Zorua. They hate each other Olivia was NOT for Varigo. She was over here going "Nope that is MY Hugo, I have had him all to myself for years and you can't have him" and Ruddiger was entirely ready to have another human to feed him apples so they were just fighting each other. Still very bitter about having to share their people, though. AUs... thinking about aus Specifically a Star Rail au where Varian is Mara-struck. That appeals to me. I could write that. But I don't want to share vat7k with people that like hsr because nothing is scarier than having a popular fandom in your fandom of like, twelve people. SPEAKING OF HOYOVERSE GAMES Varian would have a cryo vision. Since they stand for conflicted ideals most of the time, he'd probably get it during the snowstorm. His ambition was to save his dad, but he wanted to listen to his dad so badly. Hugo would PROBABLY have a pyro vision. I think he'd get it after Varian got posessed, because most of his life was spent doing mindless thieving. The second he could focus on something else, he realized how much he just wanted a calm life. He looked at his crush being posessed and went "I am NOT doing this again! Jesus!" Varian listens to Michael in the Bathroom on repeat at 12am every night and Hugo is So Tired of it. He's a Heathers fan and cried listening to Someone Gets Hurt (Reprise) from Mean Girls. They like horror movies but are both objectively afraid of them. In the bad way. Varian watches that one really fucked up episode of My Little Pony and is out for the rest of the year on horror movies. He kins Stygian.

Varian and Ruddiger copy each others expressions. Olivia noticed this and got EXTREMELY jealous, so she started doing it with Hugo. They both have their little vermin copying them. Hugo does not have Can Eat Spicy Food Swag. He only has White Boy Swag. Hugo and Rapunzel do white girl shit together. Rapunzel loves Varian very much, but she and Hugo are posing together for Instagram pictures and buying Starbucks and going to Target. Hugo with a braid is real to ME because I feel like that reminds him of Rapunzel. Varian thinks it's funny. ON THE SAME NOTE Hugo does not understand Rapunzel. He doesn't understand people who do nice things for no reason. If he's doing something nice, it's because he expects favors back. Even if the favor is just something like a kiss from Varian or a good pat on the back from Eugene. Rapunzel will give him little gifts and he panics because he doesn't know what she expects back from him. Varian has to explain that she's just That Nice. He's very concerned. They participate in actively sitting in each other's laps. Ask them when the last time they sat in an actual chair was and they stare off into the distance and have a flashback scene in their mind. Hugo is objectively uncomfortable to sit on but his scrawny twink ass is just laying on Varian whenever possible. Royal meeting and they don't have an extra chair for him? Don't worry gang, he already has one!

They are both deranged! Yippeeee!

[bowiebond]

Will and Billy meet in the Void

“Just…close your eyes and try.”

El’s voice was slipping away as he did so, submerged in the cool water and eyes covered. He screwed his brows up, searching, trying to find something that resembled the realm El spoke of late at night, but it seemed fruitless.

“Try and find someone; someone who might feel like another part of you.”

His first thought was to find Jonathan. Or maybe Mike. Even El.

Yet he got stuck on her words. Someone who felt like another part of him. Or someone who might understand him. Who may have shared a similar life…

It was like a slap of cold air to the face when his eyes snapped open and his gaze was no longer covered but it was still black all around.

The water beneath his feet made him shiver as he looked around the endless space.

“Hello?” Would he just be watching someone else, or could he communicate with them? El’s powers were vast and strange, and coming into his own had been a struggle of figuring out what was the same and what was different. “Is anybody here?”

“You shouldn’t be here.” Will whipped around in fright at the sudden voice and fell on his ass at how close the others body at been. With wide eyes, he recognised the bloody, mangled figure.

It was Max’s brother. Billy. The one the MindFlayer possessed last.

“You…you can see me?”

“I see all of you. All the time. I’m always there, you just…haven’t seen me yet.” Billy shrugged. His breathing sounded strained but he didn’t look to be in pain. Simply affected by his wounds in an unavoidable manner. He crouched down to offer his hand to the boy. “You’ve grown.”

“I…I have. Since we last met. I’m…” Will’s heart ached softly as he stood. “I’m sorry we couldn’t save you from him. I know how violating it feels. To have him inside you. Using your body to hurt those you love.” The memories made Will’s stomach churn sour.

Billy offered him a half-hearted, bitter smile.

“I was more of a threat than a scrawny twelve year old.” He poked at his shoulder. Will was much broader, more muscled than he had been back then. “Trapping and burning it out of me…The night at the sauna proved that even if you tried, you couldn’t have done it. Not with me. Not with him inside me.”

“If we had tried harder, if El had more time to help you break free—“

“I would have died anyway.” Billy said knowingly, shutting Will up as he gave the man sad, brown eyes. “If you think for a second I wouldn’t have put my life on the line for Max, for any of you, you’re wrong. You were kids. You should have had the chance to be.”

Billy sighed wearily and reached out. The open wounds of his hands didn’t bleed, but Will wanted to recoil at the touch just from how grotesque it was. He refused, and stood there as Billy cupped his cheek.

“You deserved to be a kid, Will. I’m sorry you didn’t get to be.”

“Did you?” Will asked in return, taking his hand gently, and the endless black around them seemed to burst with colour. Sunshine and blue waters; dreary cream-walled bedrooms; teal graffitied lockers smeared with slurs; the colour of purple and blue bruises and bright light of hospital rooms; fireworks and darkness.

Billy’s eyes shone.

“Once. On a beach. I was a kid then.” He said hoarsely and Will looked at him with heartbreaking sympathy.

“You were always a kid. Nobody thought to treat you like one though. That’s not your fault. That’s on adults who would have been there.” He had been told the same countless times by Jonathan, his mother, even Hopper. Everything that happened to him, it wasn’t his fault.

“It’s too late for me.” Billy closed his eyes and as two teardrops fell, one catching his cheek, a beach surrounded them. The sand was warm beneath Will’s feet.

“Billy!” The pair turned to the woman, blond and dressed in white like an angel. She smiled at Billy and he smiled back.

“It’s too late for me to have the life I wanted. The freedom I deserved. But I have this. This one memory…and I’m okay living in it for the rest eternity because it’s got everything I ever wanted.”

“Your mom?” Will understood that. He could live in an afterlife with his mother, his brother and El forever and be content. He turned his eyes back to Billy but he was gone. “Billy?”

“Mom! Did you see that?” Will followed the voice and squinted as a small boy ran towards the woman, a surfboard under his arm. He dropped it halfway to wrap his arms around her and she laughed.

She curled around him and kissed his head, kind and loving, and Will’s eyes began to well at the scene against his own will. The young boy caught his eyes from beneath the safety of his mother’s embrace, and smiled softly.

“If I ever have a sister, mom, I’d want her to know I love her a lot. That I’d try every day to be a good brother to her.”

“A sister? You’re asking too much of me.” The older woman laughed. “You want a sister, Billy?”

“Yeah. One with red hair and lots of freckles. She’s gotta be cool too.” Will laughed softly despite his wet eyes.

“Oh dear, I’ll have to see about that…” She pulled from the hug and Will smiled softly at Billy who waved at him. The woman turned her gaze to him and he awaited her response.

“Who are you waving to, Billy?” She couldn’t see him.

“A friend.” He turned to his mother with a grin. “Hey, can I have a sister with superpowers too? I think that would be awesome.”

“With superpowers? Let’s focus on getting you a sister without them first.” She laughed and it echoed as the scene began to fade, like a movie coming to a close.

“Billy? Billy!” Will called and he heard the young boys laughter all around him before he blinked and he was back. He took in a sharp inhale, deepening it as he pulled the blindfold off and looked up at El.

He exhaled slowly.

“…Where’s Max right now? I gotta tell her something.”

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Brothers in Arms: Final Part

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.9k

Summary: You try one more time to get your dad to see how great of a man Spencer is but like before, it doesn’t go as well as you hope. Phoenix Arizona is dealing with a serial killer that is masquerading as gang members, but your team sees through the facade.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

x

The three men leave under Hotch's orders, and they made a big discovery. The bartender wasn't much help since he doesn't know who the unsub is since it could literally be anyone. Around these parts, Reese has all sorts of enemies. He was a real hard ass that was always looking to get into it with someone who he pissed off. According to pictures of Reese when he was killed, he took a lot of beatings that left him with a lot of bruises.

Still, the bartender is adamant that he didn't get them at the bar. According to him, Reese was in an underground fighting club. It's actually a perfect place for the unsub to try and prove himself worthy. A beating might have been the unsub's stressor.

Once the location of the fighting ring has been revealed, your entire team along with Evans and his men headed over there. A fight is currently going down but not for long.

"FBI! Get on the ground!" Derek yells when he enters. "Get on the ground! Don't move!"

Everyone gets down on the ground so that each officer is able to handcuff them, but one person doesn't get on the ground. He's actually pretty calm despite what's happening.

"We ain't breaking no laws here, Officer. Agents, no matter what it looks like--"

"I think he's trying to let us know they have a right to be idiots," Em scoffs.

"They do, but not here," Evan says. "Listen up, folks. This warehouse is not private property. It is owned by the city, which means y'all are going to jail."

"We ain't hurting nobody, except maybe each other," the man chuckles even though Evans is handcuffing him.

"Yeah, I feel you, but we're still taking you in."

"Unless you want to answer some questions and make all this go away," Derek quickly says.

"So ask me."

"Do you know this man?"

Rossi shows a picture of Reese, the bouncer to the man.

"Yeah. I heard what happened to him, but I didn't kill him."

"No, but someone who came here did."

"No way. Boom could take all of us."

"We're not looking for a tough guy," you say. "The man we're looking for probably lost every fight. He came in here trying to be a man but he failed. This guy went down easily, maybe even in his first fight. He probably reacted poorly to that to the point where you and your boys ridiculed him. This led him to pick up a gun."

"There was a guy. He called himself 'Animal'. He lost every fight but he kept coming back and getting in Boom's face, calling him out. When most guys lose big, they run home with their tail between their legs. This one freaked. There's something about that hand at your throat when you're beat. Knowing your opponent's got your whole life in his hand. It's primal, man."

"When he lingers, that's what he's doing to his victims," Rossi says to your team. "Proving his power over life and death."

"What's Animal's real name?"

"There are no names here. Just nicknames. Like me. I'm Beanie."

"Anything else you know about Animal?"

"Nothing. That's the way it works down here. We don't talk about it."

"What about a description?"

"Scrawny, white trash who thought he's a whole lot tougher than he is."

"Get him set up with a sketch artist," Derek says to Evans who escorts him out. "There's not a whole lot of choices left to do here. Based on his escalating timeline, this guy's about to strike again soon. I think there's really only one thing we can do."

Derek's bright idea is to call a press conference so that Hotch is ahead of this before the unsub can strike. The more people know about this, the more people will be on the lookout. Spencer is the only person who hung back,s o while Hotch is giving the press conference, the rest of the team heads back to the police department.

"Earlier today, the Phoenix police announced the suspect responsible for the deaths of five Phoenix officers had been caught. That is not the case. The killer is still at large. There have been quite a few mistakes made over the course of this case that could have been avoided. As a result of this, the FBI is officially taking charge of the investigation. We have established a tip line, and a sketch of the subject is being released to the press. We encourage anyone with any information about the shooter to contact us immediately."

Since you have a pretty good idea of who this man is, you have a working profile you know will help get him caught. Evans and Commander Marks gather everyone so they can hear what your team has to say.

"The man we're looking for is a narcissist desperate to prove his masculinity. He does this by going after high-risk targets like gang members and police officers. Because he's a narcissist, this unsub will be following the investigation closely."

"By pretending to take over the investigation, we've put ourselves above the local police, thus suggesting that we're tougher to take out. This issues the unsub a challenge that he won't be able to ignore.

"And painting a target directly on agent Hotchner's back," Rossi comments.

"All the attacks, with the exception of the last one, have taken place in the Twelve's territory. This is the unsub's hunting ground and he's unlikely to stray from it. Locations have multiple vanish points for the shooter, but limited access and exit routes for his victims. We'll be looking for a similar situation. This should happen very quickly."

"Don't forget," Rossi adds, "this guy managed to take out five cops by himself. He's smart and fearless. He won't be easy to take down."

"I got someone on the tip line," Jordan interrupts. "He says he knows where the unsub lives, and it fits the criteria."

She hands over a piece of paper of what the street and area look like, and Spencer takes it to compare it to the map.

"2717 Gelson Avenue. It's in the Twelve's territory, just off the main street. It looks like there's a series of smaller feeders and allies nearby. This could be it."

"Let's go," Evans says eagerly.

"Slow down, Lieutenant. He'll be expecting us--all of us. This is his last stand. He's going to want to make it count. What do you know about the area?" Hotch asks.

"It's rough with lots of dead-end streets and allies. There's a gas station a couple of blocks down, but that's about it."

Spencer gets Penelope on the phone and places her on speakerphone.

"Hey, Garcia? Can you get us a satellite image of 15th Avenue and Gelson?"

"Of course. Real-time satellite image shows not a whole heck of a lot. I've got a two-story apartment building with no activity of any kind and no cars out in front. Oh, there's a car down the street, but no heat registering so the engine must be cool. Satellite monitoring the last twelve hours is like library quiet. A truck and two cars left in the morning but nothing came in."

"Thank you, Garcia." Spencer moves the picture of the street Jordan brought in so everyone can see it on the table. "There's a major street in front on the east side, an ally, and two smaller streets to the north and south right here."

"Lieutenant, Commander, I need a sniper here and here," Hotch points. "Once they're set, the bulk of the squad cars can approach from the south, and the rest of us from the east very quietly. From this point forward, everybody goes in on foot. Y/N, you and I go in first. Rossi, Morgan, and Prentiss are behind us. Jordan, you and Reid stay here and work the tip line."

"Stay safe, my loves," Penelope says.

You're only with Hotch because you'd be able to feel where the unsub is if he's even here at all. Derek is the more viable choice to be with Hotch since they're both bulky and strong men, but you have what most don't.

However, even before entering, you didn't feel anyone inside much less the unsub. He's not here and an extensive search proves that. The Commander and Evans are disappointed, but you knew you'd get some false alarms. Still, this seems to be a good place to keep watch, so Commander Marks will have to put his guys on shifts watching the place in case Animal comes back to it.

You head back to the police station to come up with another plan, and you stretch as soon as you get out of the back seat. Hotch gets out of the driver's side just as the rest of the team heads for the front door. You look in the window of the car, and that's when every hair on the back of your neck stands up.

He's here. You can feel him. Hotch is the one who gave the press conference, and now Animal is going after Hotch.

"Hotch, he's here," you whisper so only he can hear you. "He's right behind us."

"Keep walking."

You and Hotch walk past the cars in the parking lot without looking back. Animal is following behind so he can get BHotch and escape, but you're not going to let it happen. There is a big van that you're passing by, but you use it as a diversion. As soon as you disappear behind it, you and Hotch quickly turn around. Animal looks on the other side but is confused when he doesn't see you and Hotch.

He turns to leave but you and Hotch are standing in his way. He goes to shoot, but Derek slams him into the car to prevent that. Since the real unsub is caught, Playboy can be let go. He's been innocent in this case all along, but you know it won't be the last time he's ever in this police department.

A press conference is called to announce the killer has been caught, so everyone is gathered outside to record it or watch it. Playboy stuck around for reasons you wish weren't. Animal is in handcuffs and is being transported from the police department to a prison, but Playboy has other plans.

It was his intention to make Animal pay for what he did to Bobby Q, and he shot him in front of everything. One shot to the chest and Animal died because of it. Playboy will be going to jail, but you know he doesn't care.

All you can think about is going home and relaxing in your bathtub with the nice bath salts Penelope got you. You and Spencer are at the plane again by yourselves as you two wait for everyone to get there. With the case out of your mind, you're forced to think about what happened with your parents.

"You've been quiet all morning. Is everything okay?" Spencer asks you.

"I'm really sorry, Spencer," you sigh shakily.

"For what?"

"For the way my dad is treating you. You don't deserve it. I should have never suggested this lunch in the first place. All I do is try to make him see what a wonderful guy you are, but he refuses to listen. I feel like such a shitty girlfriend for allowing this. I should be able to control my dad a little bit."

"No, don't feel that way. You're not a bad girlfriend, and you don't have to apologize."

"He's always acted this way with my other boyfriends but never to this extent. My mom wasn't much help either."

"Hasn't that always struck you as weird?"

"He's just being protective."

"I worry about you."

"I know you do, but there's no need to be. There's nothing going on with my parents. They're just old school."

You've been telling yourself that ever since you were a child, and you're going to continue telling yourself that. You've had a lot of problems in your life, but you're not going to make your parents one of them.

"...for he today who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother." - William Shakespeare

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[jackie-q]

Pru feels adrenaline and nervous energy thrum in her veins, a desire to get on the road and get there quick. She speaks stern and fast, summarizing the general gist. She can fill in the holes later. “Whoever the hell I was before, fuck her, I’m in charge now,” whoever this Pru had been, Now Pru does not give a shit. Maybe that’s selfish and horrible, but she does not give a fuck. She has work to do. And if she knows herself, then this universe’s Pru would have respected that. “I’m from another dimension—“ she’s met with wide-eyed confusion, a sort of ‘is this a prank?’ look. “—where we meet this jackass named Tim, ordered to follow him by Ra’s. We ask if we’re supposed to kill him, Ra’s says we can damn well try, we shoot a missile in his window and he comes out and instantly kicks all our asses solo. Then we work for the crazy son of a bitch while Ra’s helps him find his weird dad. Ra’s is a creepy shit who wants to have baby’s with Tim’s brain. We decide Tim is way cooler than Ra’s, we call him Boss and genuinely like him, but we get attacked by a rival organization. Owens, you get your head damn-near cut off, Z, you’re stabbed in the chest, I got my throat slit, and Tim loses his spleen,” She gestures vaguely at the scar tissue on her throat, “Y’all die, Tim and I live. Tim decides fuck Ra’s, but to clarify, in the insulting way, and blows up this base and every single other base Ra’s owns. Tim and I got caught in the explosion and some magic bullshit happened, and now he’s here in this world somewhere and I’m gonna find his scrawny white ass and fucking kill him for getting killed without my permission. Got it?”

And Zedmoore and Owens, her boys, both look at her. Then look at eachother. Then her again, the way she holds herself, and her eyes, and her neck. And then each other again. And they both shrug. Z nods.

Owens sucks in a hiss of breath through his teeth, setting his cards down on top of a rifle occupying the table space. “Alright, if you say so. Where do we find this guy?”

Pru grins. She knew she could count on her boys.

link to fic -> https://archiveofourown.org/works/49130503 full credit to og author, I own nothing!

[dark-elf-writes]

Sharing the sharingan:

Itachi being like “huh, what? You just told me to kill all the Uchiha’s Mr.Danzo. And this piece of paper clearly says that man is NOT an Uchiha. You’d think the shadow hokage would know how to fucking read.”

What to do when your teammate uses you to commit suicide (a self help guide for the lost, confused, and used)

the book is blank because hey it’s a first for me too kid.

An Uchiha who turns to love rather than hate.

Them taking care of Sakumo’s body and cleaning the blood off kakashi :’(

ACE/ARO REP BITCHESSSSS

Kakshi double fisting a weirdly accurate self help book and pure smut while white knuckling his mental health.

Two bros chilling in a one room apartment with a hoard of semi-adopted kids co-writing porn for their little brother’s mental health because they’re not gay

ADHD Hyuga 0-0

Naruto buying Kabuto and scaring him with his teeth cuz he won’t go to any other healer but the Uchiha

“Destroy eyes” pact now including one traumatized dog man

May the lord have mercy on your insignificant soul because I swear to god if I ever see your bitch ass again I will not.

Gordon Uchiha

As much as it hurts to see the light come for his pups he’s so fucking glad they get to live another day, get to break the cycle of the Hatakes (because they are all Hatakes no matter what clans two of them were born into) dying young.

*sniffle*^^^^^

Big Lap Dog problem where the pups grew bigger and Sakumo did not as he is dead, so where two scrawny teenagers and an actual toddler never knocked Sakumo over three ANBU who have long since grown out of the gangliness of youth and have spent years packing on muscle through training very much do.

But you are incredibly correct imagining them as different heights is somehow deeply upsetting and they have to be the exact same height for Reasons

The three friend killers. With phantom blood of enemies and once allies forever staining their hands. The three remaining sharingan users. All of them with a flee on sight status in most bingo books. All of them cuddling in the nearly empty lounge.

The Uchiha: oh yeah…sorry I called you a bitch. The Hyuga: it’s fine. I am a bitch.

So when she knows she can't escape (She was never going to beat them, they have always been better than her no matter how hard she tried) she decides to just.... let their jutsu hit her. To die by her brothers hands is probably the best end she could hope for.

She stands back from the fire at first when the boys finally meet them (too soon. Far too soon) but kakashi spots her in the dark just like he always had. And what chance did she have not to be buried under the weight of her brothers (what were they all eating that they had gotten so damn tall.

one soul in two bodies, the closest someone could be to another person without cracking their chest open to crawl inside (she wondered one day if one of them would. Would take that final step to rejoin their hearts until they were one whole being again.) they had taken different approaches to the hatred

Seeing two Byakugan split between two faces. Knowing that the eyes once called the true heart of a dojutsu user were swapped between the two in actuality.

Sasuke constantly stuck in a game of catch-up he never seems to win. Chasing after distant goals and figures he can barely see, let alone match.

The third teammate in sharing the Sharingan: “But she’s still the outsider, she doesn’t share their strange pack mentality…”. Me: it’s the neurodivergence babe.

!!!!!

[the-unspeakable-tsar]

Kidnapping The Grunk

In 2018, I was 17. I wrote a Gravity Falls/Rick and Morty crossover fic called "Kiddnapping The Grunk". I'm 23 now, and I was looking at my ao3 account, and I saw it. So, I decided to rewrite the fic. The original person who wanted me to write the fic no longer exists on Tumblr. But here's the new version in its entirety.

Stan’s eyes opened up into complete darkness. He started to move but found his limbs stiff and wrapped in something. He was stuck and started thrashing around. He’d gotten it into his head that he was twisted up in his bedsheets again and started screaming.

“Oh god! Soos! Get the jaws of life! Get some snips or somethin’! I’m stuck!” he shouted.

“Nobody’s gonna help you out here, ole man,” said a strange voice from the dark.

“Who’s that?” said Stan. His tone was not so much panicked but annoyed. “Robbie Valentino, this better not be some stupid prank. I’m not playing around with you and Wendy’s games anymore!”

A new voice chimed in, making robotic tutting, “Nah, you don’t get it do ya?” We’re holding your ass for ransom.”

“Ransom?” said Stan. He considered the thought for a moment. “If you cut me in on this, I can get my brother to fork over some more cash. I know he’s good for it.”

“Shut the fuck up!” shouted the first voice. “If your scrawny boy toy doesn’t deliver the Smidgens we want, we’re going to slit your Cromdamned throat!”

“Boy toy? What the heck are you talking about?” he asked and received a smack across the face for it.

Everyone who surrounded him began to laugh as Stan’s head spun.

“Don’t play dumb,” he said. “You were rolling heavy with Rick Sanchez in this part of the galaxy for ten years. Suppose your spastic lust pet doesn’t show up; we’re going to cut your head off and bury you somewhere like a vampire.”

“Who?” asked Stan.

---

A large green portal opened up into a land covered in prone grease grease-slicked grandmothers. Two aged scientists stepped out and into the town. The residents of the town looked at them with fascination. Stanford Pines looked down at his tracker pad, which pinged with a map of this area and the little tracker.

“I cannot believe that my brother has gotten wrapped up in your nonsense, Sanchez,” he said. 

“Better believe it,” said Rick Sanchez, punctuating his brief statement with a burp. 

“You’re lucky I didn’t kill you myself. What are they? Flansians? Predators? The Tall Whites?” asked Stanford, rapidly firing his questions at Rick.

“Beats the hell out of me,” said Rick. “If they’re after me through, Stan I’ll take care of them. Don’t worry your prissy little head about it.” 

Rick reached over and started tussling Stanford’s hair drunkenly, only for Ford to take his hand away. “None of that!”

“You can’t still be angry because I didn’t call you after our night of passion in the Hamburger Fields,” he said. Dismissing him.

“I can be, and I am!” he shouted.

“Oh blah, blah, blah! BLIGHITY BLAH!” shouted Rick. “Stan’s a better man than you anyways. He knows how to make a man feel appreciated. Y’know?” 

Rick then feigned ecstatic moans, “Ohh Stanley, yeah, yeah, yeah, right therreee!” 

“That’s lewd,” growled Stanford. His face flushed a deep red.

“You would know,” said Rick. “I recall you getting very into me sucking on your fingers.” 

“Nope,” Stanford walked forward. Stomping as he went. “Not listening. Just help me find my brother.”

Rick made a dismissive noise. “Bleh…fine….So, does he ever talk about me?” 

“Hmm?” began Stanford. “No, never.” 

“C’mon, i’m being serious right now. He must, right?’ asked Rick.

“Nope. Up until we got the note, I didn’t even know you two were acquainted,” said Stanford.

“What? We spent nearly a decade together, fucking and savaging around the country,” said Rick. “He must remember me.” 

“Well,” said Ford apprehensively. “There’s a chance that he genuinely doesn’t remember.” 

“Oh god, has he been hit with Alzheimer's?” said Rick, feeling his age.

“The truth is more…odd,” Said Ford. “Do you remember when i talked about Weirdmageddon?” 

“Dumb name, yes.”

“Ignoring that…To destroy Bill, Stanley allowed him to invade his mind…Then we erased it,” said Ford.

“You sick son of a bitch!” growled Rick.

“Oh, grow the hell up, Sanchez. I heard about how you regularly erase your grandson’s memories over minor mistakes on your end,” said Ford.

“How did you hear about that?” asked Rick.

“Summer and Wendy are friends on Tumblr,” said Ford.

“Goddamn, Summer,” whispered Rick under his breath. But then Rick smiled, “Hot Damn, Fordy baby, you’ve just given me a chance at this bullshit thing called love!” 

Rick pushed Ford over, and the old man fell on his ass. They opened up a portal that entered them into a dimension filled with bright blue slime bags, and they bounced off of them, weaving between each other as they fell. Rick blessed another portal into the wall of the dimension and it led into the back room of a bar.

Surrounding Stan’s tied-up form were impossibly tall robots and short dwarven aliens with big fly eyes. They all pulled their guns and started firing at the pair. They ducked behind pillars and exchanged looks. Ford looked ready to kill Rick.

“ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!” he shouted.

“Relax,” Rick stepped in front of the scene.

His body was quickly riddled with plasma fire. The bolts of liquid energy passed through his scrawny form like butter, but he kept stepping forward. The aliens screamed at him in their native tongues—horrid insect chirping. Rick’s left arm unfolded, forming a kind of gun made of green semi-metal and flesh. The flesh gun sprayed the aliens with a horrible mist that caused their skin to erupt in horrible sizzling boils and caused the metal skin of the robots to erode rapidly.

“Come to me, everybody!” he shouted. “Look at me go! Your gods might not be real, but I’m sending you to him all the same!”

Ford stood behind the pillar, picking off stragglers with his pistol and resenting every word that fell out of Rick Sanchez’ stupid head. He didn’t have to do all of this. They could have just killed them; they didn’t have to cook alive inside their bodies.

Once this mad violence was over, Stanford dashed over to Stanley and tore the bag off his head; his brother winced at the light.

“It’s okay, Stanley, you’re going to be alright,” said Ford as he began to undo the binds.

Rick turned and flashed Stanley a look. He thought it was sexy, with is hip cocked to the side and the bulge in his pants prominently displayed. 

“Hey, hot stuff,” said Rick. “I’m Rick Sanchez, and I’m the rescue committee.”  

“Yeah,” said Stan. “I know who you are.”

Suddenly, Rick froze. Shit, he remembers all the scumbag shit I did.

Once up, Stan strode across the room and pushed Rick up against the wall, forcing his tongue into his mouth and dry-humping him against the wall. Ford stood by, irritated that it built up to this. He turned his head so he didn’t have to see the image of the two.

“You scrawny son of a bitch,” said Stan. “You made me remember that I missed you.”

[howtowhumpyourhiccup]

Ambush

Summary: Written for AI-less Whumptober 2023 Day 20. Set in a post-apocalyptic AU. At night, Hiccup is ambushed by Dagur.

Warning: Graphic depictions of violence, bullying, sadism, torture, mutilation

Rating: Mature

Characters: Hiccup, Astrid, Dagur

Pairing: Hiccstrid

Words: 2 328

Fandom: How to Train Your Dragon

Prompt: Dehumanization

Alt prompt: Mutilation

Whumpee: Hiccup

Author’s Notes: It's AI-less Whumptober time, which means it's time for a new AU! A new Post-apocalyptic AU! Except it's not zombies this time. Though it IS originally inspired by The Last of Us. :)

Enjoy!

@ailesswhumptober

XOXOX

For some reason, Hiccup finds that bullies keep getting put in charge in his world. Snotlout is the Room Captain and they share this room with only two other boys, but that’s enough to make his ego grow ten sizes.

Apparently, he was told he had “great leadership potential,” which in layman’s terms simply means “you’re mean enough to push people to do what you want.”

Somehow, being related to one another only makes him treat him worse.

But mean is still mean. It’s not sadism. Snotlout isn’t Dagur and Dagur is in charge of the entire boys dormitory.

For as much as he can be an asshole, his cousin wouldn’t sneak into their own room. He wouldn’t drag Hiccup from his bed and muffle his startled cries. He wouldn’t be intimidating enough to keep the rest of the boys from saying something because he scares them. He wouldn’t have dragged him out into the hallway, his feet dragging as he can’t find his footing. He wouldn’t be intimidating enough to make a guard on patrol look the other way as he finally pins him around a corner, hiding them away in the shadows.

But Dagur would.

His head hits the brick wall first and pain explodes there. The air outside is frigid, Hiccup’s panicked breaths come out as white puffs of air while he struggles against. Unfortunately for him, Dagur is much stronger than he is. He’s stronger, older, and bigger.

“No! Let me go!” Hiccup demands. There’s something awful about being pulled from your bed. He has only just moved in and he’s had trouble sleeping. That room wasn’t his just because his dad decided to put him there. The Berk Guard, the walled city of Berk’s unquestioned authority, isn’t his home. And then the first night he finally falls asleep, that’s when Dagur strikes.

“Stop fighting! Stop it!” Dagur slams him against the wall again, then his arm settles on his throat. That is what it takes to stop Hiccup’s fighting.

Truth be told, he stares up at his elder with pure fear in his eyes. They’re watery from the fright, from having the back of his head slammed twice into a hard brick wall, from being choked. He claws at his arm, but Dagur doesn’t relent.

“I know you, Hiccup,” Dagur spits his name out. “I know you’re Stoick’s son. I know you think people like your daddy just because he founded this city. But let me make one thing crystal clear.”

He holds up a knife with his free right hand and flips it open. It gleams in the spotlight keeping the courtyard lit.

“No one cares whose balls your scrawny nepo-ass comes from. I don’t care and the higher-ups, they really don’t care. I could poke out your eye right now and you know what would happen?” Hiccup tries to squirm out of his grip as Dagur brings the tip of the blade closer to his left eye. All that gets him is more pressure put onto his throat and he audibly gasps for air. Or he certainly tries to.

“Pl-pleh-” One tear slips free.

Looking past Dagur, a guard happens to pass them and their eyes meet, she appears to be a woman. But all she does is turn right back around and pretend like she didn’t see anything. Dread settles.

“You would just be sent to the infirmary and if you live, you still wouldn’t tell anyone who gouged out your eye, because even if you did, no one would do anything about it. And you would live the rest of your tiny meaningless life under my thump, afraid that I could swoop in and take your other eye, leaving you a crippled waste of space wasting away in the gutter. So you better listen to every word that I say, because I’m in charge! Not your daddy, ME! You got it?”

Hiccup doesn’t respond, still clawing at Dagur’s arm, still choking.

“I asked you a question!” Dagur slams him backwards for a third time and another startled cry leaves him, there was a brief intake of air.

He mouths the words, unable to speak them properly, wheezing. ‘I got it. Please.’

Dagur relieves the pressure just a tad and the boy’s lungs greedily take even the smallest ounce of oxygen. He considers himself quite generous for this gesture.

“I… I got it,” Hiccup croaks out. He’s so lightheaded, his face red from the blood in his head, yet turning blue from the lack of air.

“Good,” the smirk on Dagur’s face is full of satisfaction. He derives a ridiculous amount of pleasure out of this intimidation tactic.

But he’s not done yet.

The knife comes closer again and Hiccup’s struggling grows. His heart races, he tries to cry out, but the pressure on his throat grows once more. All sound is strangled from his voice.

He’s going to gouge out his eye anyway. Hiccup agrees that he’s in charge and he’s still going to do it!

Why? Why him?! No one else is missing an eye!

“No… No!”

“I’m gonna make sure you never forget tonight.”

Hiccup tries to kick him, the knife is right there. But all Dagur does is knee him in the gut, cracking a rib because of his high aim.

It knocks out what little air remained in his lungs, his eyes roll to the back of his head, blackness attempts to creep in.

And then the knife makes contact.

With the skin under his eye and not his eye itself.

There’s a hellish burning. Hiccup tries to pull away, but Dagur grabs his face and keeps his head in place. He drags a straight line across and over his cheekbone. He’s like an artist, taking his time, seeking perfection, his focus unwavering. Deep red blood runs down the cut, mixing with his tears and then sliding down Dagur’s thumb to pool at his upper lip. Hiccup can taste his own blood.

And then the knife leaves briefly just for Dagur to maneuver it around the bridge of his nose, just under his other eye. He tries again to pull away, his hands pulling on Dagur’s, but to no avail. The grip on his cheeks is unforgiving, bruising.

“Stop..” He whines, the burning unbearable.

And then the two cuts connect and Dagur is satisfied. The knife comes away and shimmers in red.

Finally letting go, Hiccup falls, hurting his tailbone on impact. He didn’t realize his feet were no longer touching the ground until his abuser was no longer holding him up.

Dagur looks down at him, nothing but contempt for the boy he made bleed. He scoffs and then leaves, kicking dirt in his face before he turns on his heel. He’s probably about to head to bed and act like he’s done nothing wrong. He’ll probably sleep like a baby, too. That is, if he doesn’t have anything else sadistic planned before bed.

Remaining on the ground, Hiccup’s heart has yet to begin to calm down. The adrenaline leaves him shaking. The shock of what was just done to him catches up to him quickly and he starts to cry. He can remember the last time he was afraid, it’s when his father decided he was better off joining the Berk Guard. But he can’t remember the last time he cried.

Not like this.

There’s a waterfall coming down his face and the salt adds to the burning of his cut. Sobs wreck his body and he feels like he can’t breathe. He certainly tries, but his breaths are too fast, too shallow, and completely devoid of any actual air. It doesn’t take long for panic to settle on.

He grabs for his pj shirt. He grabs for something else, he doesn’t know what. He wants to stand and get away from something, but can’t find the strength to move. His chest hurts and his head swims.

And then…

“Hey, hey!”

A flashlight shines directly in his face and it’s so startling it manages to break him out of his panic attack somewhat. The voice belonged to a girl, but he doesn’t see her face until she stops shining the beam directly at him. The girl is a blond with blue eyes and shoulder length hair in a strict and slick ponytail pulled tight.

She kneels in front of him and pulls what he can only hope is a clean handkerchief from her pjs pockets. He recoils away from her, both because of what he has just gone through and because he would rather not get an infection and actually end up losing his eyes to gangrene.

“Hey, it’s fine,” there’s a hard tone to her voice, despite her apparent want to help. She tries again, he grabs her wrist. She sighs.

“My name is Astrid, I saw Dagur drag you out here from the girls’ dormitory. I swear I mean you no harm,” she promises. Hiccup is hesitant, but chooses to believe her.

“… Okay,” he replies softly, letting go of her. His throat is amongst the long list of places on his body that hurts. He sounds hoarse.

Astrid attempts in vain to clean his face, but the entire bottom half is covered in blood and he’s still bleeding. He has to keep his lips tightly shut if he doesn’t want to swallow a drop more. The metallic tang plagues his tongue. Within seconds, her handkerchief is soaked and her hand is stained. The entire time as she takes care of him, Hiccup can’t help but watch her every move.

“Damnit,” she mutters. “I think a visit to the infirmary is unavoidable, sorry.”

Hiccup wipes at his mouth. “It’s fine. I’ll go.”

Astrid rises and offers him a hand, which he takes. His rib doesn’t agree with the help and his head doesn’t agree with the sudden rise to his feet. He places a hand on his side. Gods, he’s in so much pain.

“You know why Dagur did that, right?” She asks as she starts towards the infirmary and he follows her with slow steps. Unlike Dagur, they actually do need to sneak around and avoid detection.

“Because of my dad.”

“Because you’re weak.”

“Gee, I really needed that,” Hiccup responds sarcastically. His eyes are still thick from his outburst of emotion and he rubs in them with the palms of his hands. He’s careful not to touch his cut.

Astrid pushes Hiccup backwards and hides them both in the shadow of a corner. He falls back and she catches him, his face contorts in a grimace. After the guard has passed, she talks.

“You know what I mean!” She tells him. “You're smaller than him, you can’t fight him off, but more importantly; you’re new. And Dagur can’t stand the thought of anyone maybe not being afraid of him.”

“I haven’t seen anyone else with a cut up face.”

“Oh yeah, no, that’s because of your dad. But if you were tough enough-“ Astrid quickly pulls him towards the door of the main building and closes the door behind them.

“If you were tough enough, he would at least think twice.”

All of the power of their generators goes to the floodlights outside- and the living quarters of the higher-ups- so this hallway is bathed in darkness.

“So be tougher than Dagur the Deranged? Yeah, no, I’ll just go find a yak to lift daily,” his remark gets a smile out of Astrid. He wipes at his mouth again, she looks at him up and down.

“No, I don’t think that’s possible, but you’ve got the attitude of someone who might get Dagur to swallow his words,” her smile still intact, she grabs Hiccup’s hand and pulls him along towards the infirmary.

-XOXOX-

Nowadays, Hiccup doesn’t remember the exact length it took for that cut to heal, just that it was long. He had to awkwardly wear a bandage across his face that obscured half of his vision. There were bets on how he could’ve injured himself, this was before they saw what the injury looked like. After it’s reveal, he was considered both parts a freakshow as well as marginally cool. People stared no matter where he went.

And just as Dagur suspected, none of their superiors actually bothered to find out what happened to him. Because no one joined the Berk Guard after the world ended at the talons of dragons to be a good influence in their city.

At least the nurse back then was a nice older lady. She was gentle with him as she treated him. Since then, she has contracted the Dragon’s Scourge and was therefore thrown to the streets. A decade of loyal service and care meant nothing.

Hiccup still sees her, not that his higher ups know. He’s her only source of pain medication now; stolen from the very people he so- and oh so- dutifully works for three years after his traumatic encounter with Dagur.

Closing the little medicine cabinet above the bathroom sink, his scarred face meets him and he pauses. Sometimes it still startles him to see a scar that big across his face. It starts underneath one eye and goes across the bridge of his nose, under his other eye, and ends just past his left cheekbone. The mental image of him still doesn’t match reality.

He rubs in his eyes, deftly avoiding his scar. Though it’s been a long time, he still feels as though just touching the giant blemish will tear it right open. No one is allowed to touch it, not without a good reason.

But he’s tired and his eyes show it. He’s been pulling too many all-nighters and he desires at least week’s worth of sleep.

“Are you coming?” Astrid calls from the bedroom and Hiccup gives her an audible hum.

“Uh yeah, coming,” he tells her before turning his back on his reflection and joining his girlfriend in the darkness of his room.

[cannibalcreeps]

Lovely Creeps, how do you think each Hilliker Brother was during their first blow job? Also... maybe this for Bubba too? 🥺 a little gawk gawk 3000 for my boy??

Do you still love me after I answered ya other ask, horny Anon? 🥺 But lets answer this for you UwU I'll do Bubba first for his gawk gawk ------

Bubba blew his load right away, you didn't eve get the chance to go throat deep with his thick cock, though the man didn't have the longest penis out there it still had such a girth that it was almost a bit too much that you were actually more interested at it being put inside your other hole than your mouth. But with how this man was shaking violently from both excitement and nervousness, you didn't think you both were going to reach that just yet. The poor cannibal's heart was pounding like crazy, you could hear his nervous heavy breathing wheezing so loud and see how his knuckles turned white with how they gripped the bed sheets, watching where you kneeled at the floor, stroking him and making him feel loved and adored. He wanted this so badly, sure it took a few days but eventually you were able to get this man alone at an appropriate time and though the moment was enjoyable it was definitely short lived from the second you wrapped you lips around the head of his dick and pressed your tongue against the bottom of the base Bubba came hard and whined loudly. Definitely will have to try again when he's calmed down. Saw-Tooth expects you to give him a blowjob whenever he wants it, your first time doing this to him he's rough and pushy, staring at you with that unexpressive stare that makes you think you're fucking it up. Doesn't help he reeks so bad, he's just a large stinky man and lower you go the more it smells of ass and your expression will show it, though future you will get lucky when he surprisingly takes this into consideration as he finds out the cleaner he is the nicer you are at sticking his dick in your mouth. He enjoys it either way, it's not the first time he's had his prick in someone's body, mouth or other, but he definitely did enjoy what you were doing and showed it through grunts and sighs, closing his eyes and scrunching up his brows when he finally released inside your mouth, gripping your hair tight and smugly demanding you to swallow up his gift for you.

Three-Fingers is very excited that you were going to suck his skinny dick, lucky for you he'd return the favour after but for now he was soaking in the attention and letting your mouth just do wonders to his scrawny pale body, sure he was a stinker too but not as bad as his two larger brothers. Makes a lot of noise, really you think he's putting it on with the noises and if he was it was just cause he thinks you were thinking you were doing an awesome job and really you were. He lasts longer than his brothers, definitely a trooper to take on the pleasure of your tongue and wet mouth for a good amount of time that your jaw was actually starting to get sore. Definitely grips your hair tight when he cums deep in your throat, though he can be a really asshole at times even during sex, he at least is the type of partner to make sure you get just as much love as you give him and he's straight onto giving you the same treatment after you did wonders suck that cock. One-Eye was at first rather shy when you started to place you kisses lower down his body, he was watching you with such a sweet, lovey-dovey look at oh boy did his heart start pounding heavily when you just grabbed him so tightly and began stroking his cock. He had no idea you were just going to just outright put him in your mouth, he'd never experienced this type of pleasure before and it did make him happy that his first time was with you. Sure his brothers had experienced prior you entering their lives, while he had never gotten the chance or simply was to nervous to even try. He was definitely vocal, nothing loud like Three-Fingers but more expressive than Saw-Tooth, grunting and moaning, letting out whines when you sucked and licked so perfectly, he was a bit quicker to burst than when with normal sex though the first time you both did that he was rather quick as well, the pre-game excitement causing his build up the quicken. At least with One-Eye he was a but more caring and was concerned with you taking him all like that but with your experienced with the other two cannibals you took it like a champ.

[madmanwonder]

prompt

even after getting beat up by leshawna because of that huge ass slap, cody still follows her into the forest to flirt with her and suggest that they make out. leshawna thinks that he lost his mind for even thinking that she would go along with it. but she soon finds herself tongue wrestling the geek while sitting on his lap in a lake. she still thinks that the white boy is crazy for this after the stunt that he pulled, but he makes it sound like it is more her fault for being thicker than a bowl of oatmeal. he won't even hear let her finish saying her worries about them doing this during a challenge, all he wants is some brown sugar.

shifting blame. make out. 2 koma.

sequel to the cody and leshawna prompt.

Sequel

LeShawna: *Growling* You better leave me the hell alone or i'll snapped your scrawny neck *Glaring at Cody with a intense bear-like glare*

Cody: *Smiling* Rather than snapped my neck like a ragdoll. How about we kiss and make up~ *Wink, move closer to the loud and proud woman*

LeShawna: *Took a step back, growling* Better step off before i make your neck!

X-xx-X

LeShawna: *Make out with Cody in intense, tongue-filled passion while sitting on his lap* *Thinking* This crazy white boy got the balls and confidence to pull this crap on me!*

Cody: *Pull his lips from the mewling ghetto girl* It not my fault for being attracted to a woman thicker than a bowl of oatmeal~!

LeShawna was about to open her mouth to mouth on him but Cody didn't let her as he resume kissing her and told her not to worry about anything but him.