#screaming and shaking while making a facebook

[coulson-is-an-avenger]

trying to get into the [redacted] industry after years of kicking and screaming trying to avoid it is so funny like hey there everyone ever. its me. ya boi

[mikeo56]

I watched the uncensored video of US airman Aaron Bushnell self-immolating in front of the Israeli embassy in Washington while screaming “Free Palestine”. I hesitated to watch it because I knew once I put it into my mind it’s there for the rest of my life, but I figured I owe him that much. 

I feel like I’ve been picked up and shaken, which I suppose was pretty much what Bushnell was going for. Something to shake the world awake to the reality of what’s happening. Something to snap us out of the brainwashed and distracted stupor of western dystopia and turn our gaze to Gaza.

The sounds stay with you more than the sights. The sound of his gentle, youthful, Michael Cera-like voice as he walked toward the embassy. The sound of the round metal container he stored the accelerant in getting louder as it rolls toward the camera. The sound of Bushnell saying “Free Palestine”, then screaming it, then switching to wordless screams when the pain became too overwhelming, then forcing out one more “Free Palestine” before losing his words for good. The sound of the cop screaming at him to get on the ground over and over again. The sound of a first responder telling police to stop pointing guns at Bushnell’s burning body and go get fire extinguishers.

He remained standing for an unbelievable amount of time while he was burning. I don’t know where he got the strength to do it. He remained standing long after he’d stopped vocalizing.

Bushnell was taken to the hospital, where independent reporter Talia Jane reports that he has died. It was about as horrific a death as a human being can experience, and it was designed to be. 

Shortly before his final act in this world, Bushnell posted the following message on Facebook:

“Many of us like to ask ourselves, ‘What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?’ “The answer is, you’re doing it. Right now.”

Aaron Bushnell has provided his own answer to this challenge. We’re all providing our own right now.

I would never do what Bushnell did, and I would never recommend anyone else does either. That said, I also can’t deny that his action is having its intended effect: drawing attention to the horrors that are happening in Gaza.

I know this is true because everywhere I see Aaron Bushnell being discussed online I see a massive deluge of pro-Israel trolls frantically swarming the comments in a mad rush to manipulate the narrative. They all understand how destructive it is to US and Israeli information interests for people to be seeing an international news story about a member of the US Air Force self-immolating on camera while screaming “Free Palestine”, and they are doing everything they can to mitigate that damage.

As I write this, there are with absolute certainty people digging through Bushnell’s history searching for dirt that can be spun as evidence that he was a bad person, that he was mentally ill, that he was steered astray by pro-Palestine activists and dissident media — whatever they can make stick. If they find something, literally anything, the smearmeisters and propagandists will run with it as far as they can.

That’s what they’re choosing to do at this point in history. That’s what they would have done during slavery, or the Jim Crow south, or apartheid. That’s what they’re doing while their country commits genocide right now. People are showing what they would have done with their response to Gaza, and they’re showing what they would have done with their response to the self-immolation of Aaron Bushnell.

I’m not going to link to the video here; watching it is a personal decision on which you should probably do your own legwork to make sure it’s really what you want. Whether you watch it or not, it happened, just like the incineration of Gaza is happening right now. We each own our personal response to that reality. This is who we are.

[scrollonso]

idk how it’s gonna sound butttt… a new au where lance is single dad and nando is a stepdad 🥹 i’m dead every time i get to see nando with children GIVE THIS MAN A KID😭

TYSM FOR THIS REQUEST,, rn it's just a little blurb but I might make it a little more once i finish First Kiss 😭 (1.5k words)

Lance pulled into their new driveway, his daughter screaming excitedly behind him

"We're here, Lilah, wanna look at your new room before we take in groceries?" He said, not really meaning the we, a three year old girl wasn't much help.

"Yes, please!" She shouted, signing please on her chest. Lance had made sure to teach her sign language before she learned to properly speak, before she was born he had joined a "mummy and me" facebook group looking for help and that was one of the many things he was told to do.

Lance hummed, turning off the car and going back to take Delilah out of her carseat, helping her step out of the car before heading inside.

It was a gorgeous house in a safe neighbourhood, Lance figured as she got older living in a one bedroom apartment would get harder and harder so as soon as he had the chance he asked his best friend Esteban for help in house hunting and eventually moving the furniture in. Delilah's mom decided she didn't want to be in her life almost right agter giving birth to her, it had been scary, being a single dad at 22, but he had such a great support system and an even greater little girl.

"Come on, daddy" She spoke, snapping him out of his thoughts as she tugged on his pants leg

"Yes, yes, let's go baby" Lance smiled, quick to swoop her up and carry her upstairs to her bedroom, already adorned with all of her favourite things. The walls were painted a pale blue with cloud lights hanging from the ceiling, at the apartment they had before she was always sneaking out to play outside so he hoped making her room feel outside would limit that.

"This is mine, daddy?" She asked, looking away from all the toys, books, and stuffed animals to face her dad

"Yes, princess, all yours" He nodded, not able to help the wide grin on his face as hers lit up

"Thank you, daddy!" She signed again, holding her arms up to her dad to ask for a hug, he was quick to accept, squeezing her tight as she giggled

"You can play up here while I bring in groceries, okay? Then I'll make you lunch" He pulled away, the little girl nodding and running to the toy chest in the corner of her room to see what was in it as Lance made his way downstairs.

He finally finished putting away the gorceries, wandering back upstairs to ask Delilah what she wanted

"Lilah, are you hungry?" He spoke before walking into the room, startled at the emptiness "Lilah?" He called again, now beginning to panic at the absence of his daughter.

Delilah peeked past a tall white fence, eyes locking on a man who was laying down in the sun, he looked like he was sleeping

"Excuse me?" She spoke, the small voice causing the man to open his eyes

"Hello, sweetie" He spoke, sitting up and shooting her a puzzled look, wondering where she came from. He could tell by the change of her expression that she'd never head an accent like his before

"My daddy said laying in the sun causes you to get red and hurt" She spoke matter-of-factly

"Your daddy sounds very smart, where are your mommy and daddy now?" He asked, now a little concerned

"My daddy is in the kitchen, mommy left"

Fernando tried to hide his shock at the bluntness of the little girl, just nodding at her words

"I see, where is your kitchen?"

"In my new house!" She said with emotion for the first time "Me and my daddy just moved in, he painted my walls blue and i have clouds in my rooms sky!"

He couldn't help but smile at the talkative little girl, part of him worried at how quickly she was to be comfortable around a stranger

"Do you remember which house is yours?"

"Uhm..." She trailed off, tapping a finger on her chin before swiftly shaking her head and muttering a nuh-uh

Fernando nodded, standing up from his chair and holding out his hand "Let me help you find it"

"My daddy said I shouldn't go places with strangers"

The Spaniard couldn't help but laugh, this little girl wandered into his backyard and now that he was trying to return her she was worried about him being a stranger

"I pinky promise I'm nice, I just don't want your poor daddy worrying about you, sweetie"

"My daddy isn't poor! My poppy says we have all the money"

"Of course, Sorry for assuming" Fernando smiled down at her, crouching and holding out his hand "Now, how about we get you back to your rich daddy?"

She furrowed her eyebrows, her small thinking face was extremely endearing. She held out her pinky to the strangers hand "Pinky promise you're not mean"

He locked pinkies with her right away, shaking their hands a little bit before standing up "I pinky promise"

"Okay!" She smiled, grabbing onto two of the mans fingers as they walked, Fernando almost not noticing how she was just staring up at him

"You need to look for your daddy, not at me, sweetie"

"You're handsome, do you wanna meet my daddy?"

"Do I-" He laughed, shaking his head at the little girls comment as he picked her up "Let's focus on getting you home"

Lance was horrified, he checked every room in the house before realizing he didn't shut the door after bringing groceries in, leaving the house to see the white gate was open too

"Fuck, oh my god." He muttered under his breath, trying to stop himself from pulling his hair out as he look around the yards and sidewalks nearby. Delilah was smart, she was cautious most of the time so he knew she wouldn't have crossed the street without a hand to hold but he also knew she was way too friendly

"Daddy!" He heard a voice call after what felt like forever, his head turned to the voice and before he knew it he was scooping her up from the strangers arms, hardly acknowledging him

"God, Lilah, You can't do this now that we have a new house, I had no idea where you where."

"I met a nice man, daddy! He's just like those guys you call cute in the movies!"

Lance had to stop himself from covering her mouth, taking a deep breath before turning to the man

"I'm so-" Fuck. Delilah was so right. He was just like the guys he calls cute in the movies, he was gorgeous, Lance almost collapsed at the sight of the brunette man in front of him

"I'm Fernando" The older man spoke, holding a hand out to the young dad "I live two houses down"

"Hi, I'm Lance" He smiled, taking the (audibly) Spanish mans hand with no hesitation "Thank you so much for bringing her back, please don't think badly about me this doesn't usually happen" He tried to laugh it off to hide his embarrassment

"Is okay, she was great company."

"Are your kids older?" Lance asked, figuring that since the man was so amazing with Delilah right away he mustve beem a dad

"I wish, no, Is just me"

"Oh" Lance nodded, hoping his excitement wasn't visible

"Daddy, he's single!" The little girl whispered (very loudly), Fernando smiling at the pair

"Lilah, You can't just-" He began to speak

"Are you-" Fernando started, both of them pausing to let the other speak "Would you want to get coffee or something? Sometime, or not, is okay if no"

Lance laughed, something so charming about the comdination of the mans accent and flustered blabbering "I'd love to, I hope you don't mind if Delilah tags along?"

"Of course, could I have your number? To plan, of course"

"Yes, to plan" Lance smiled, taking the phone Fernando was holding out to him and putting in the numbers "Can't wait, Fernando"

He smiled, nodding at the two before stepping back to leave "I'll see you soon?" He half questioned half stated, Lance begining to respond before Delilah cut him off

"Yes! Bye bye, Nando!"

"Do you like him daddy" Was the first thing out of the girls lips once they got inside, her dads face flushing at the suggestion

"I think its bedtime" He teased, picking her up as she began wiggling in his arms

"Daddy, no!" She giggled, trying to squirm her way away from him "I'm gonna tell Nando to not go out with you if you make me go to sleep!"

"Fine" He groaned, a smile on his face right after, looking forward to whatever was to come with him and the Spaniard (and his little princess)

[algebraicpizza]

If the Straw Hat Pirates were on social media:

this has probably been done before but idc

Luffy doesn't have an account (he doesn't know how to use a phone) but Nami and Usopp run a tiktok where they take videos of him getting into street fights, climbing on top of statues in public, or running all-you-can-eat buffets out of business. He has no idea he's become popular online. There's a subreddit that compiles every sighting.

Zoro streams his workouts on insta but often forgets to turn off the stream, leading to everyone seeing his completely empty apartment. His chat is full of simps but he doesn't actually know how to open it and never connected it to his bank account to receive donations. He's been invited onto various podcasts but has never responded to any of their emails. Most of his workout advice is just to lift heavier weights.

Nami is actually not a hot tub streamer, but she constantly jokes in her just chatting streams that the next stream will be one. Clips of her raging in Valorant have gone viral several times in spite of how she preaches kindness and respect, but she's always managed to get away with an apology video. She secretly posts on 4chan to argue with her haters.

Usopp is a variety streamer who's an absolute god in every shooter he plays. He trash talks like crazy in voice chat and several of his questionably true rants about how he's the best player ever or going to show up at his opponent's house have become memes. Sound clips of his terrified screams while playing horror games have become memes as well, and he hates it. He's actually active in his community discord, and frequently reacts to its meme channel.

Sanji posts recipe videos, clips and screenshots of which regularly do numbers on twitter for how amazing they look. The restaurant he works at requires reservations six months in advance because of how much he's boosted it's profile. A reality show once did an episode on him that revealed not just the way he belittles chefs who fuck up, but the biased treatment he gives to women. He can't shake that reputation, but is trying to be better. He's recently moved to tiktok and gotten a brand new boost of fans.

Chopper first appeared as an expert guest on various podcasts, and then started youtube videos explaining basic medical concepts. But somehow, fan comments convinced him to start making videos like "Doctor Plays MINECRAFT for the first time?" He believes every single fake rumor about Herobrine.

Robin posts her history lectures online and is beloved by students around the world for how understandable she makes complex topics. Her videos are very popular as unintentional ASMR. Otherwise, she mostly avoids social media, but you'll occasionally see her networking on academic twitter and vagueposting about how hard she works and how much she wishes things were easier. Secretly, she's active on AO3 and is known for her hundreds of angsty hurt/comfort fics in just about every fandom you can imagine.

Franky runs a DIY engineering youtube channel where he posts the most insane inventions. His titles are all along the lines of "POLICE SHOWED UP AT MY HOUSE? SUUUUPER TRUCK WITH MOUNTED CANNON BUILD!!!" He does AMAs on reddit every year and ends every single comment with SUUUUUUPER.

Brook is a popular musician online, but doesn't have a youtube channel of his own. He's known for rock covers of classical pieces and his concerts sell out completely, but the only videos of him are posted by fans. The only way he actually communicates with fans is on facebook, where he's active to this day, mostly to post puns.

Jimbei hosts a political podcast where he talks primarily about minority rights, but he takes on guests with a variety of views for the sake of open debate. He's ratioed political figures on twitter many times. He travels frequently and posts about it on his blog.

[spideycatt]

Wig Thief || 1610!M.M x Black!Fem!Reader

[Oneshot]

Synopsis: The one day you decide to switch it up Miles just gotta be himself

Word Count: 1.1K

Song Recs: Change your life // Kehlani, Snooze // SZA, Garden // SZA

Warnings: Fem black reader, reader has a mom, banter, mentions of weed, one sentence in Spanish, cuss words (and use of the word nigga), Reader has a smart mouth (kinda), incense, screaming, reader has a chubby belly (I think it's so cute I can't help myself)

Not rlly warnings: Reader has locs (on the shorter side), Miles is taller than reader, use of aave, wig-snatchin (incase some of yall got ptsd LMAO), Reader's kinda on the boho side (not entirely tho)

Lmk if I missed anything!!

You recently got your locs retwisted and went through every hairstyle in the book. And if you were being completely honest with yourself, you missed your afro. You voiced this to your mother and she immediately shot you down to your dismay.

"Girl get the fuck out my face with that nonsense." She'd waved you off, obviously not willing to hear you out.

"But ma! I'm starting to get bored of my locs, there's only so much a girl could doooo." You whined, flopping on her bed as she side-eyed you for not listening to her.

"Just get a wig, you used to wear 'em all the time. You not taking out them locs, and if you do, I'm not the one paying to get them redone when you regret it." She argued, going back to her loud Facebook video. And honestly, even though you couldn't take them out, you still saw this small compromise as a victory.

This leads you to now, in the hair store trying to figure out which one you wanted. You didn't want any flashy colors just yet, wanting to do something tame for the time being. Deciding on a dark-colored afro, you buy some more products with the wig and leave.

When you got to your house you immediately played some tunes on the tv and lit some lavender incense, you were gonna smoke a blunt while you did your hair but decided to save it for later. You sit down in front of your long mirror, braiding your locs back while watching Bumblebee on your laptop. You were so into the movie you didn't hear your bedroom window open.

"Whatcha watchin'?" Your boyfriend, Miles, whispered in your ear, ripping a shriek out of you.

"Miles, how many times I gotta tell you to stop doing that shit?" You say with a hand on your chest, heart beating a thousand miles (haha) per second.

He shrugged.

The mother fucker shrugged.

"Don't make me get up and beat you up."

"Damn, ma. I'm sorry." He laughed sitting down behind you, wrapping his long arms around your torso. He kisses behind your ear gently. "And you didn't answer my question..."

"I'm- Miles stop rubbing on my stomach." You deadpan at him through the mirror. "My Ma said I couldn't take my locs out so she told me to put on a wig."

"Why'd you wanna take 'em out in the first place?" He raised an eyebrow at you expectantly. "Uhmm 'cause I'm getting bored of my locs. You question me too damn much."

"What it look like?"

"There you go asking more questions."

"C'mon, ma I'm just curious.." He said getting up and looking for said wig. He looked at a purple bag on your bed skeptically, picking it up and finding a mop of hair inside. He quickly grabbed the bag and your phone and ran into the bathroom.

A beat of silence passes before you realize your boyfriend was missing.

"Miles, why are you so quiet?" And where was your phone..?

"Huh? I'm not being quiet— y-you're being quiet?" He said in more of a question than a statement. You finish up your last braid and stand up, shaking your head.

"I'm coming in there. You bet not be in my shit."

"What? I'm not in your shit —why would you say that?"

You quickly got your answer as to what mess Miles was doing this time. Lo and behold, this grown nigga, wearing your wig. With your phone in his hand. The wig honestly didn't look that bad on him, but his hair was out, making him look like he had a giant head. That and the hairline being way too close to his eyes made you hold back a laugh, feeling more humored than angry.

"Miles."

"Yea?" He said tentatively, setting your phone down on the sink counter.

"Give it here."

"But I look so good!"

"Nigga give it back!" You lunge at him, snatching the wig off his head.

"Ma! Now why would you do that!?!?" He whined snatching the wig back and holding it up in the air, making you stand on your tippy toes.

"Miles! Te voy a matar." You say quickly, almost losing your footing as you jump up to grab the wig out of his hand. "Careful mami you could hurt yourself," He said with a smug look on his face, before running past you into your bedroom.

"Good Spanish, by the way!"

"Miles! Give it backkk." You stomped your foot and pouted at him. It looked like he was gonna give it up for a second, but he put it back on his head. Putting his hand up to look at his nails, he swayed his head dramatically.

"Nuh-uh, girl!! This all me, girl."

"You just have to be you." You huffed, dragging a hand over your face.

"Ok, ok, sorry, baby," He said, walking up to you, taking the wig off his head, and placing it into your awaiting hand. He stood close to you, almost too close, towering over you as he placed a long kiss on your cheek. "Forgive me?"

"Nah. You owe me for this." You glare at him, sitting back down in front of your mirror to finish your hair. "How do some incense and waist beads sound?" he said, sitting down behind you to paw at your belly more.

"And Starbucks for a week." You said, smiling, starting your movie again.

.luv4miles

liked by .luv4ynnie and 567 others

.luv4miles idk why he think he funny…

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.luv4ynnie idk why you still acting mad when i’m buying you Starbucks for a WEEK?!?!

luv4ynnie

liked by luv4miles and 439 others

.luv4ynnie Thas cuz I am😁

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.luv4miles no miles, ur not. 😾

BONUS:

Apparently, you made too much noise jumping up and down around the bathroom, because you got a call from your mom on your phone. You answer it and put it on speaker.

"Yea, Mama?"

"Y'all making too much damn noise! I don't know who you think you is sneaking Miles up in my house— but if y'all keep making noise, Ima walk up there and handle you myself. And I swear if I catch y'all asses naked and canoodling in bed, Ima whoop both of y'all! And then Ima send Miles home and tell his mama so she can whoop him too! And you gonna be out the house for a week. Bye." She hung up quickly, not letting you respond.

You look back at Miles with a shocked expression to see him making the same look on his face. You guys make eye contact before laughing loudly.

"Oh my god!"

"I can't believe she thought- that- that we were, oh my-" Miles stutters, making you laugh even harder.

Kkuet.

[rainyfestivalsweets]

2/4/24

The MLM hack list

Alright. So there are a bunch of MLM diet companies that make a shitload of money of of us and yet our obesity rates in developed countries are thru the freaking roof.

How many times have you gotten the messages on Facebook, Instagram or whatever and it's like: Hey girl, haven't seen you since high school, let's get coffee... OR... they just post the precopied message & ask about your goals, & proceed to add a flurry of hyperpositive social media messages, like my friend recently did to me.

Did anyone in high school like you? Not me! Do that screams danger from the start. I was horrendously bullied in elementary school. I was gone to a parochial school for a couple years so the only reason that I avoided constant bullying in high school was because... they forgot who I was.

Here are some ideas I stole from various companies, cheaper:

Herbalife: this company's stuff works, for 2 reasons- you replace 2 out of 3 meals with shakes. However, alot of people are not successful if they make their shakes at home and if they add in all the snack bars. People do, however, lose weight if they get their shakes from a "nutrition" shop. Why? Because they blend those shakes super thick with a metric shitton of ice & I think alot of them add sf pudding, which enhances the thickness. Also, you get an iced tea, normally with added fiber. So the answer is- you have 2 drinks that take a long time to finish AND give you added caffeine & fiber. So? Just do it at home: keep your shake calories low, make it extra large & thicker than a snicker, & follow with a caffeinated tea & add fiber to it. I like the herbalife brand but I order it off Amazon so I don't have to get the whole shpeel. Now brand has "prebiotic fiber" that is cheaper. There is also benefiber from Walmart. It is cheap, so why not?

Beachbody: you don't need to spend a billion dollars on protein shakes or meal replacement shakes. I do, however, love some of their workout systems.

Tai Slim: this company's great idea was the chocolate gluccomannon chews, I just didn't know ot at the time. I have tried to order it but have been unable to so maybe they don't make it any more. So my hack would be- the chocolate calcium chews, some gluccomannon tablets, & a large glass of water.

Modere: this company was all over tik tok & reels for awhile, while the reps were trying to schlep people into this scheme. The Golden Child was the liquid CLA chocolate, probably because it tastes like a chocolatey treat while it is actually a CLA supplement. CLA can be purchased at almost any health food store, way cheaper.

Plexus: the pink drink. More research needed on this, but I think it is just a fiber drink. Hack: gluccomannon powder & a Starburst all pink flavor packet.

Most of these companies often sell an associated "fat burner:" often something with caffeine, ecgc from green tea, etc. You can get something similar at a health food store for a fraction of the price. If you want something fancy, there is Ember from the Ambrosia Collective. Use the Google. MFINGCOO is a discount code that I think still works, but it isn't mine.

The other way these companies are successful is because they have a built in "tribe." Weight watchers, beachbody, herbalife-- they rope you into a bunch of meetings, calls, and online groups. A bunch of people are sharing ideas regularly and getting involved in their cultish antics. You can do this on your own by finding your own people. You can get your own seminars by watching a lot of youtube. Anything that focuses on reprogramming you to cook at home and eat primarily whole foods will probably work. Join free groups. Disregard anything outside of what works for you ( I have to ignore a lot of dessert recipes because they cause bingeing for me).

Lipozene: pretty sure this is just gluccomannon. You can find gluccomannon tablets way cheaper at a health food store. Walmart also was carrying a generic version.

Hydroxycut: pretty sure the active ingredient here is HCA? I don't have a bottle currently to look. But isn't HCA just garcinia? So much cheaper at a health food store. I personally cannot take hydroxycut, it makes me RAGE. I like, get upset and freak out at work, so I don't even think I am willing to try it again.

It works: I think the skinny coffee would be comparable to the "slim coffee," which was cheaper but seemed to be chromium. You can just pick up a chromium supplement... & seriously, you can just drink coffee. Don't add calories to it.

Apple cider vinegar gummies: Just take shots of apple cider vinegar. You can buy a gallon at walmart, it will last a long time. Play with shot recipes, you can do good girl moonshine (ala Trim Healthy Mamma), & use it liberally for dressing recipes.

L-Glutamine: don't remember the company, but this is available at more health food stores, not for $100 a container.

Maybe I have bought so much shit so you don't have it. Is there an MLM company I missed? 🤔 let me know and I will check it out for future posts.

Remember- whatever you do, stay safe. Research your shit. Focus on your daily habits and remember that what you are eating outweighs almost any supplement you could buy. Eat whole food, walk, have an exercise routine & stop expecting a 30 day result for a body that took you 40 years (or whatever) to create.

I definitely don't think the ozempic trend is worth the cost, but if there is no other way for you & you have the money, it is worth a shot. Just don't expect your insurance to pay for it. Many insurance companies are currently not covering it, and I don't really know if they should consider it.

Surgery? If there is no other way and you want to, go for it.

The way that these things work though, is by changing what you are eating. Period. These are all systems to change what you ingest and you can change what you eat for free.

I am still on Nomorbidity & Alkemi from the Ambrosia Collective. I have not found suitable replacements for them but I am also not looking hard, they have a reasonable price point to me.

[realhankmccoy]

"I watched the uncensored video of US airman Aaron Bushnell self-immolating in front of the Israeli embassy in Washington while screaming “Free Palestine”. I hesitated to watch it because I knew once I put it into my mind it’s there for the rest of my life, but I figured I owe him that much.

I feel like I’ve been picked up and shaken, which I suppose was pretty much what Bushnell was going for. Something to shake the world awake to the reality of what’s happening. Something to snap us out of the brainwashed and distracted stupor of western dystopia and turn our gaze to Gaza.

The sounds stay with you more than the sights. The sound of his gentle, youthful, Michael Cera-like voice as he walked toward the embassy. The sound of the round metal container he stored the accelerant in getting louder as it rolls toward the camera. The sound of Bushnell saying “Free Palestine”, then screaming it, then switching to wordless screams when the pain became too overwhelming, then forcing out one more “Free Palestine” before losing his words for good. The sound of the cop screaming at him to get on the ground over and over again. The sound of a first responder telling police to stop pointing guns at Bushnell’s burning body and go get fire extinguishers.

He remained standing for an unbelievable amount of time while he was burning. I don’t know where he got the strength to do it. He remained standing long after he’d stopped vocalizing.

Bushnell was taken to the hospital, where independent reporter Talia Jane reports that he has died. It was about as horrific a death as a human being can experience, and it was designed to be.

Shortly before his final act in this world, Bushnell posted the following message on Facebook:

“Many of us like to ask ourselves, ‘What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?’

“The answer is, you’re doing it. Right now.”

Aaron Bushnell has provided his own answer to this challenge. We’re all providing our own right now.

I would never do what Bushnell did, and I would never recommend anyone else does either. That said, I also can’t deny that his action is having its intended effect: drawing attention to the horrors that are happening in Gaza.

I know this is true because everywhere I see Aaron Bushnell being discussed online I see a massive deluge of pro-Israel trolls frantically swarming the comments in a mad rush to manipulate the narrative. They all understand how destructive it is to US and Israeli information interests for people to be seeing an international news story about a member of the US Air Force self-immolating on camera while screaming “Free Palestine”, and they are doing everything they can to mitigate that damage.

As I write this, there are with absolute certainty people digging through Bushnell’s history searching for dirt that can be spun as evidence that he was a bad person, that he was mentally ill, that he was steered astray by pro-Palestine activists and dissident media — whatever they can make stick. If they find something, literally anything, the smearmeisters and propagandists will run with it as far as they can.

That’s what they’re choosing to do at this point in history. That’s what they would have done during slavery, or the Jim Crow south, or apartheid. That’s what they’re doing while their country commits genocide right now. People are showing what they would have done with their response to Gaza, and they’re showing what they would have done with their response to the self-immolation of Aaron Bushnell.

I’m not going to link to the video here; watching it is a personal decision on which you should probably do your own legwork to make sure it’s really what you want. Whether you watch it or not, it happened, just like the incineration of Gaza is happening right now. We each own our personal response to that reality. This is who we are."

[blackacre13]

Hii! I'm always checking first thing in the morning if you posted any prompts coz it sets my mood right away!

I was wondering if you could do one where Debbie calls Lou constantly "Louise" and not her pet name for fun, and Lou asks her offended while the other would just shrug. Then Debbie would soon cut it off. I think it would be cute. Have a good day!

“Louise!”

The blonde’s face soured with disgust at the name, biting her tongue and shaking her head. She had to laugh at her wife. Debbie never ceased to know how to push her buttons. But usually it took a few rounds of Lou not paying attention or being in trouble for things to amount to the use of her full name. But it wasn’t like Debbie had been calling her again and again or she’d done something wrong. 

The kitchen was clean. Their bed was made. Dani was off at pre-school. As insane as it seemed, Lou was holed up in their home office, putting together paperwork so they could file their taxes early. Something teenage on-the-run criminal Lou had never imagined would be her forte or nerdy something she may have even enjoyed.

“Louuuuuuuiiiiiiise, baby.”

“Coming!” Lou sang loudly, rolling her eyes as she grumbled a quiet “Deborah,” under her breath.

“Need something, honey?” Lou asked, coming down the steps to find Debbie in the kitchen, palming through the cabinets as if she was looking for something.

“Yeah,” Debbie sighed. “I just can’t remember what it was.”

“You’re looking for something, but you don’t know what you’re looking for?” Lou smirked, raising an eyebrow. “Maybe put your mind off it for a bit and it’ll come to you and then I can help you look for it.”

“Thanks, Louise,” Debbie smiled, kissing the blonde’s cheek before spinning away, heading into the living room.

The blonde’s jaw twitched in irritation, but she tried to brush it off. If anyone could get away with calling her by her given name, it was Debbie, even if it made her want to scream slightly.

“Want to watch a movie or something now that I’m down here?” Lou suggested, sinking into her favorite chair as Debbie curled up on the couch.

“I was just gonna read, actually,” Debbie smiled, waving her book up in the air. “But thanks, Louise. Maybe after dinner?”

There it was again. Lou was grateful that he wife missed her eyeroll, settling back into the chair as she whipped out her phone, scrolling through her texts as she merely sighed at the fifty memes Constance had sent to their group chat even though they had lectured her about what constituted a proper group text a solid dozen times. Facebook was just annoying. Instagram was useless. She couldn’t even be entertained by the comments on Daphne’s latest premiere post from her fan club that was only made up of Daphne herself.

“Louise?” Debbie asked softly. “Could you flick that lamp on over there? Having trouble seeing the pages with the rain making it all dark in here.”

“Yes,” Lou spoke through gritted teeth, smacking the lamp on with a bit more force than was necessary. “It would be my pleasure, Deborah.”

“Thanks, baby,” Debbie winked, before turning back to her book for a moment, Lou saying a silent thank you and a prayer, never more grateful to hear the pet name come from Debbie’s lips.

“Of course, honey,” Lou smiled, slipping her phone in her pocket as she leaned forward to reach for the remote.

“Oh, Louise, that reminds me!”

“That’s it,” Lou exhaled, tossing the remote back down on the coffee table as it rattled for a moment. “Why in the world are you full naming me like that? You know I can’t stand my name.”

Debbie’s face dipped behind her book as she mumbled something that Lou couldn’t make out, standing up to walk over to Debbie, snatching the book out of her hands as Debbie looked up, grinning as she tried to bite back a giggle.

“Six,” Debbie smirked, snatching the book back from Lou as she sat it in her lap smugly.

“Yes, it’s almost six. Did you want to start thinking about dinner, or—“ Lou sighed, scratching at her head.

“No,” Debbie grinned. “Took me six times calling you that before you snapped. Wonder how long you can last next time. You really upped your hame. Last time, it was three. I’m impressed.”

“You were doing it on purpose?” Lou gaped, looking down at her wife, unamused as she crossed her arms.

“Danny used to do it to me,” Debbie shrugged, blowing Lou a kiss. “Wanted to see how long you could last. Always used to drive me crazy.”

“Oh, you drive me crazy alright,��� Lou sighed, shaking her head. “You really that bored, love?”

“No,” Debbie grinned. “Why? Something on your mind, Louise?”

[agirlwithavividimagination]

Infatuated And Envious

Chapter 2: Penelope

"Penelope."

"Penelope!"

My head shot up and looked around startled. My boss Henry was in front of me saying something but I could not hear because of my Bose earbuds in my hear.

What the heck? Didn't we just have a screaming match? And didn't I just walkout and quit?

"Penelope how long have you been in here? Your break was over a half-hour ago, they have been looking for you at the desk." Henry angrily questions.

"Oh I um..I must of dosed off during my break, I'm so sorry." I nervously respond as I began to stand up.

"Just get upstairs please, there is a line of people who needs to be checked in and checked out." He sighs as he begins to walk away from me.

That dream felt entirely too real. I should have known it was a dream because no one knows about that night but us.

Ever since that night happened I haven't been able to think straight. I can't sleep, eat, or focus at work. I can't even look my boyfriend in the eye. I don't regret what happened that night because I wanted it as much as he did, I just wished I didn't have a conscience like him.

"About time you came back from your break." Elijah, the other front desk helper, softly yells at me.

"Hello, thank you for your patience, I can help anyone who wants to checkout over at this corner." I say ignoring him.

...

"Penelope this is your third time staying over on your break and I am sorry but I have to write you up." Henry says sliding a paper my way with a pen.

"I'm so sorry Henry this isn't really like me...I just been going through a lot in my personal life and it's causing me to lose sleep." I plead not wanting to take the paper and sign it.

"I understand that but this is your third time and you can't keep using the same excuse. There are plenty of people who work here that are just as tired, but they don't do that."Henry replies looking a the paper then back up at me.

"I know Henry but this isn't an excuse, I really can't sleep. I've tried so many remedies and nothing works, eventually my body gives up and I just fall asleep anywhere." I lie.

"Well until I see some kind of doctors note I'm going to have to write you up. Have you even seen a doctor for this problem?" He questions me.

"I would if I had health insurance. Without it seeing a doctor would cost the same amount as my rent, and I can't be late on my rent again or my landlord will put me out." I lie once more.

"Okay I'll tell you this. I won't write you up but I will send you home so you can get some sleep. I understand seeing a doctor is not an option so maybe go to the drug store get some of the Advil PM things, maybe those might help you. You are a really hard worker Pen and I don't wanna write you up or fire you. So just go home early and come back tomorrow to make up the time you lost today, deal?" Henry asks with his and out.

"Deal." I smile and shake is hand.

...

"Hi can I use your restroom?" I ask the lady behind the counter.

The women nods her head and grabs the key. First the knocks then asks if anybody is in there before putting the key in the door. She opens the door and I thank her and walk in shutting and locking the door behind me.

While on the train back home I googled some symptoms of why I maybe so sleepy and they all had the same answer, pregnancy. I wouldn't dare take a pregnancy test at home and risk the possibility my boyfriend finding a positive test. Especially when we haven't had sex in six months. It would have been obvious that I cheated. But what would I do if the test came back positive?

I nervously open the box and quickly pull out the stick throwing out the box. I've took so many test before I no longer need its help.

As I wet the stick I can't help to think what would happen if the test was positive. I've always wanted to be a mom but not in this way and I definitely don't want a baby by him. I haven't heard from him in weeks. He doesn't respond to my text, Facebook massager, instagram dm or twitter, and here I am debating if I want to keep his baby if I'm pregnant.

"Now we wait." I mumble to myself setting the stick on top of a piece of tissue on the sink.

Waiting is the nerve racking part.

As I wait I pull out my phone and set a timer, then I go to check my texts. I have a text but not from the person I want. The same can goes for Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. Why is he ignoring me? After the night we had I thought he would be blowing me up not the other way around. I could just "pop" up at his job and make him talk to me. Why won't he talk me?

The ringing from the alarm breaks me from my thoughts.

"One line..not pregnant." I say letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding in.

Only one line is being shown but you can faintly see another beside it.

I look in the mirror at myself and tears began to run down my cheeks. There's a possibility that I could be pregnant by this stupid man.

"Is anybody in there?" A unknown person said knocking on the door.

"Yes!" I respond clearing my throat.

I rolled the test in a new piece of tissue and tossed in my bag. I washed my hand and exited out of the bathroom.

"I need to call him." I murmur to myself lowly.

I yanked my phone from my pocket and began to type his number that I memorized. Of course he sent me straight to voicemail. So I sent him a quick text that if he doesn't answer my call I was going to go to his job. I tried to call him again this time didn't ring but went straight to voicemail.

"Stupid bitch blocked me." I growl angrily.

Thank God Henry let me leave early because I'm taking trip to Jersey.

[surveysand]

twenty.

What kind of movies are you drawn to? documentaries. i don't really watch movies much otherwise. How often do you update your Facebook status? never. What would you like best about living in New York City? public transportation and so many new restaurants to try. also, it seems like exclusive events a lot of artists do tend to be in nyc or la, so those would be cool to attend. What’s the main reason why you use a laptop/pc? it's much easier to use than a phone, especially if needed for school/work things. my old laptop broke for a few days at one point during my junior year and trying to write an essay on my phone was one of the worst things i've ever had to do. What do you think the world needs more of? basic human decency.

What type of pet would you like to have? i would love another dog, but i know that it's not the best move for me financially. How do you feel about mornings? i'm am not a morning person, lol. What breakfast are you most likely to have? a bagel or breakfast sandwich with orange juice or an iced coffee to drink. What type of day do you like more? one where i can just relax and don't have to worry about anything. Your social life is: not that active, but more normal than not.  What career field could you see yourself in? research, clinical positions, etc. When you’re starting to feel sick, you: take medicine and lay down. Which city would you rather relax in? the one i live in currently. What would you enjoy most about being a vampire? being able to avoid light. What colors are you most drawn to? muted tones. What flavor ice cream would you prefer? cookie dough. You rather have lunch at: a mexican place, preferably a local family-owned restaurant. Your oldest friend would describe you as: many things, but i think she would talk about how similar we are to each other and how our "no bullshit" attitudes are what have kept us friends for so long. You are attracted to homes that are: cozy and individual. What deadly sin are you most likely to commit? sloth. What section do you drift toward at bookstores? i really don't know, i haven't been in a bookstore in so long. i usually peruse the whole store. Are you a thinker or a feeler? thinker. Would you rather go to a festival or a book reading? festival. Are you more into drama or comedy? drama. Do you prefer to lounge in a hot tub or swim in a pool? lounge in a hot tub. Can you roll your tongue? yes. You are more likely to stop wearing something because? it doesn't fit well or i don't have anything to wear it with. Have you ever smoked pot? yes. Do you speak a second language? no. How many books do you have out in the public areas of your house? a few. What three words best describe you? funny, accepting, and passionate. What two elements are you most comfortable with? earth and air. Your relationships tend to be: coveted. Who makes a better burger, in your opinion? out of, like, chain restaurants, shake shack is my favorite. it's too bad it's so expensive. Where would you most like to spend Christmas vacation? i'd love to go to maine or somewhere further north. i am not someone who wants to get away from the snow. For you, snow means: winter! my favorite time of the year. What do you like best about the holidays? time off work/school, being able to see those close to me who i maybe haven't seen in a while otherwise, and being able to eat some amazing home-cooked food. You think your eyes convey: anger. Besides screaming for ice cream, what else do you scream for? many things, i'm a loud person, lol. Favorite summer scent? coconut. basically all of my shower products are coconut-scented. Do you listen to Billy Ray Cyrus? no. Do you know how to shoot a shotgun? no. Do you like fried chicken? yes, but i prefer grilled.

[milo-is-rambling]

I need to do something out of my brain and out of the house today. I need to get out of here before I explode or succumb to the madness it’s supposed to be so fucking hot but also raining today like dude give me one enjoyable weather day (73 degrees or lower with a cold breeze but the sun feels holy on your skin and you have cold water and snacks and you’re swimming in the same lake you’ve swam in for years and you feel comfortable) (also side note what is wrong with Florida or at least where I am like every time I go to the lake to swim someone fucking talks to me. Someone had a whole ass conversation with me last time while I was going to go swim in the rain. He got out of his car and stood in the rain to talk to me while standing in the rain and he had nothing interesting to say he talked about Facebook like bro shut up) I miss New Hampshire lakes that felt near abandoned and I miss screaming and crying and thrashing in the water because the only way I could get myself to feel like a person was to go into the lake when it was cold and make it my bitch. When the lake is cold and you’re standing there and your legs are shivering but you keep walking further into the water and getting colder and colder and shaking and it makes you feel like you’re in your body but when you get up to your shoulders you look at the beach and you wonder if you really do have to go back to shore or if you can just float in the water until something inside you fixes itself and you can crawl back out reborn but instead you run back to the shore and your skin is burning red and the cold breeze seems to hit you from every direction and it’s all encompassing and it’s incredible and when your whole body is shaking and you’re running back across the road to get to the car and change and when you watch other people drive past and you wonder how the hell anyone else can stand to not be in the lake and you just feel alive again after hours days weeks months of feeling like someone else completely.

[the-journal-of-helios]

- Intro -

Hi heheh, you can call me Klaus, I’m a gay guy, my first language’s French, and this account will be about my history teacher, who I will be calling "D", just in case anyone I know bumps into this. Nsfw warning about this account. I love a bunch of other shit beside my man, like laws, psychology or cinematography, but I will mostly be talking about him of course.

- Story Time -

D has been my teacher for 2 years now, at first we developed a bond because we had a lot of things in common, he’s a huge nerd and me too heheh, and I’m a huge fan of history class so that helped too. So we started talking after class and during class and shading inside jokes and stuff. A day we went watching a theatre play with the class, it was about homosexuality and since there was a kind of improvisation thing at the end well I went to do it, and I accidentally made my coming out in front of my whole grade. I was stressed, it I felt myself dying, I was shaking and it was the first time I talked in front of this many people, so when I got out of there, and D told me he was proud of me, I just started crying. This day, I told him I saw him as a parental figure, because it’s not really going well at home, and that kinda baffled him. Next class I was stressed to see him because of what I said. It went well heheh. Then we spent more time together, after class or during remedial. Then another play happened, that was MY play (I’m also an acting student). I asked him if he could come to see it, he said he didn’t work that day and he lives kinda far away from the school so that would depends. Well shit he came to my play and I was so danm stressed and happy at the same time. A month later, I went to a concert, so I missed a class. I sent him a message at 3 in the morning to ask him what we did and what we were gonna do the next day, I also thanked him because he went to my play, and he responded that he thought it was pretty cool. I was so happy. Then we just spent time together after class again. Then came the end of the year. Awful. I bought him something, and giving it to him was the most stressful thing that ever happened to me. He remembered the fact that I saw him as a father figure and he gave me his email so I could talk to him during summer. Which I did, btw. Then came this year, I screamed when I saw that he was still my teacher this year. I was so fuckin danm happy. When I came to see him the first class I was anxious as HELL. It went well heheh. Then we spent a whole lunchtime together, it was awesome. He told me if we weren’t student/teacher I would probably be his friend, that made my heart melt. I learned a bunch of things about him too, that’s amazing. There was a show this Christmas, I went to see it a first time I had a ticket, then I saw him in the corridors and stayed with him for a while, he was going to the second representation of the show, so I asked him if I could follow him, he said yes. So D basically helped me sneak the xmass show in the vip section lmao. It was amazing. Then we still spent time together and stuff. There was a pedagogical day, so I spent it with him, it was fun. We also went to the fuckin museum together. Absolute best day of my entire fuckin life. It was amazing. And he gave me his Facebook that day, I was so proud. So yeah I keep spending time with him, and I keep sending him messages, and spending remedial with him, and of course being the best student of his danm class. Aint no way another mf will be better than me.

- Conclusion -

So yeahhhhh. I’m so fuckin in love with him. I know I won’t be with him next year and that makes me awfully anxious. I have huge separation anxiety and that’s awful to me. I want to be this man’s favourite so bad. I wanna be his best student. I want other teachers when they see me to go "Hey D that’s your boy", yk what I mean ? Terrible. I wanna be his boy so bad. But oh well, that won’t be possible.

Small photo of the museum we went together<3

[nusrattalks]

Untitled Shit from 28 Feb, ‘23; 1:12pm

Why is it so hard for us to show up with compassion and grace for ourselves?  Is the difficulty we feel in showing up as such a reflection as to why we struggle to show up the same way for others? 

What about those who so effortlessly show up with love and grace for others but struggle when it comes to themselves? 

What is even the point I’m trying to make? Who knows. I don’t. 

Who decided 31 is ‘too old’ to be finding and/or pursuing my calling? And if noone decided it, how did it get to my head? Ok fuck that last question because I can at any given time list atleast 20 ways that programming got into my subconscious. 

But however it happened, it happened. 

And so here I am at 31: clueless and despondent on most days recently. Trying to figure out what the fuck to do with the law degree I have, how to build from the ground up in a brand new country with my husband, how to keep helping my parents grow the family business, while wondering why the fuck I didn’t fight hard enough to pursue what my heart wanted to since I learnt how to speak the heart’s language. 

And most importantly, even now being in the position of knowing better and thus able to do better, where does this hesitation to speak MY truth and MY mind come from/continue?

Why does my voice shake and my inner child get scared shitless sometimes? 

What’s stopping me from telling ANYONE and EVERYONE who tries to push the notion of ‘law should be your only concern’ to BACK OFF and LEAVE ME ALONE? 

What’s stopping me from making obligatory calls and visits to certain individuals, out of a sense of ‘Nusrat the good girl is expected to do so and so she must?’

What holds me back from typing the exact words I want and causes me to edit and sugar coat so as not to hurt feelings? 

Why do I find myself so often wishing I’d made my discomfort clear and didn’t stand by ALLOWING someone to make me feel like shit, by violating my boundaries and MY truth? 

Why do I refrain from wearing certain clothes when in Dhaka? 

Why do I stay in uncomfortable situations even when my body and soul and mind is screaming at me to get the fuck out? 

WHAT THE FUCK is keeping me from taking Nusrattalks on facebook? What are the fears driving that indecision?

The answer is so clear: people pleasing tendencies. 

It’s something I had as a kid. And then growing up, it showed up as co-dependency in the relationships I had. 

Something I worked so hard to get rid of, especially after the end of my last relationship before my husband. 

And somehow, I fell back into it. Right after I got married. 

The meshing of two worlds, the introduction to new relations and dynamics mirrored to me where I needed to put in more work to ensure my self-love was the strong foundation my life kept building on. 

But I slipped. And that’s what happens when we throw discipline and routines and rituals out the window. 

Suddenly, the priority was making sure the new boat I found myself on doesn’t rock. It seemed harmless. What’s missing a few days of routine that ensured I cultivated a practice of staying true to my authentic self? 

Throw in the toxic, patriarchal AF south-asian culture we live in, where everyone is very well conditioned to help women forget their identities. 

And just like that, I was back on not being on my own priority list. 

Fuck anyone who downplays the need for discipline and routine in our daily lives. Seriously. Tell them to fuck off. 

Building a strong foundation of self- love, self-confidence, and self- respect doesn’t just birth or sustain itself; especially when so many of us are conditioned to believing since birth that self-love is selfish and people-pleasing is selfless.

It requires strong discipline and routine. On the daily. 

Otherwise, you might find yourself sitting at a cafe, at 1pm on weekday, writing about where the fuck you lost the plot. 

Good news? As a conscious creator, I KNOW everyone and everything is simply mirroring me back. 

It’s all showing me where I need to put in work. 

I don’t know for sure but maybe all the shit show I have been rambling on about is an indication to prioritise myself now above everyone and everything else; to start rebuilding my foundations of self-love with discipline and integrity; to say NO when I want to say NO and YES when I want to say YES. 

There is so much resentment inside me. Followed by guilt and shame for having resentment. Followed by more fucking guilt for the guilt. And it goes on and on. 

To the point where I hardly am opening up space for love and joy and peace and happiness.

Like, picture a room full of the most unnecessary clutter but its the only room you have to sleep in and you need a fucking bed and you have the money for the fucking bed but you’re driving yourself NUTS about how to get the bed in when the answer is simple: get the clutter out. 

But you’re not taking the steps to get the clutter out. Because as far as you’re concerned, you don’t see any way of getting the bed in.

Does that make sense? I don’t care if it doesn’t. Just saying. 

I watch my husband and sisters and friends earn such great money and have the luxury of spoiling their loved ones. I look at them and wonder if I’ll ever get there. If i’ll ever get to say ‘hey i’m taking you all on an all expenses paid trip, my treat!’ to those i love. 

Actually, I know theres every chance I’ll get there. But right now, this is a pity party, from me, to me, for me. 

I don’t even know if someone will ever read this. 

But if you do, firstly, thank you for making it to this far.

Secondly, I’m sure there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Just not right now. And that’s ok I guess. 

[musicarenagh]

Here Is Reaching For The Out Of Range By Pihka Is My Name Reaching for the Out of Range is a fun song that you can dance to while also finding inspiration in. The song gives off a beaming aura of poured-out pent-up emotions. The duo individually played major roles in making this song the masterpiece that it is. The lyrics are evenly spread across the 4 mins 07 secs song. ‘Embrace the change’ is screamed throughout the song, emphasizing the need to accept changes and embrace growth. The Finnish pair Pihka Is My Name uses analog synths, hypnotic piano patterns, and crunchy drum machines. The duo is accomplishing two feats with a single song, a piece of electronic dance music, and inspiration. Sometimes what we aim for may seem too far away, but the joy of accomplishing such tasks comes with unexplained joy and happiness. Even when they come crumbling start over is still an option, you can always start over. “That’s really what our new single is all about. Not being afraid to start over, about recognizing the need for change, and about gathering the courage to shake things up“, continues Lasse Turunen (beats/VOC). “It doesn’t matter how much time and effort you’ve put into something. It’s never too late to start over, if necessary”. Their second album, Reaching for the Out of Range, is scheduled to be published in September 2023. Reaching For The Out Of Range is accompanied by a music video. Watch the video below: Follow Pihka Is My name on Facebook Twitter Spotify Bandcamp Youtube Instagram

[farb3yond]

FIRST LOVE, IN FIVE PARTS.

*Coug* *Cough* Sorry, this blog is a little dusty.

My one caveat for this poem is that it was written to be read out loud to an audience, so reading it here doesn’t quite match the intended effect.

FIRST LOVE, IN FIVE PARTS.

So I have this friend right and I heard he started seeing this girl. So when I met up with him I asked him. I said, “Hey man, how are you? What’s going on with this girl you’re seeing?”

He said,

Our love is a game of hide and seek in the nude. We are both trying desperately to catch a glimpse of the other, but it's hard, because we're terrified of being caught naked. It's a slow dance on a tied-rope strung between ecstasy and destruction. And I’m so nervous I only think about jumping. It's Texting and not texting, Calling and not calling. It's playing games while we're awake, It's falling asleep while facebook stalking. It's the unplanned love-child of hope and fear. And just like the two of us, it didn't ask to be born, but fuck it's here. Like the sunrise on the last day of your life, or that feeling when you look to the left, and you look to the right, And realize that you accidently became an adult. And just like that, what once seemed impossible, Suddenly feels inevitable.

So I was like, “Wow! You're in trouble holmes.”

Anyway I met him again a few months later, and he was a ball of energy! I went to ask him how he was when he interrupted me saying...

The way she makes love shakes my convictions. It makes me cynical of my cynicism, It re-baptizes my beliefs, it revises my revisions There's a subtle safety in her promise, and it provide sanctuary for softness. And within halls filled with the florescence of her essence, I'm resurrecting a part of me I forgot was dead. And with that... One who is so used to punching problems and breaking things, is mending bridges and making things. All because… Her irises blaze like the beacon of a lighthouse, a bright, steadily shifting metronome. Silently saying that all the seas and storms are over, and that you, my love, are finally home.

And I looked at him and I was like, JESUS CHRIST...

He's not such a close friend of mine so we didn't meet till several months later. When we did he wasn’t looking as good as the last time we met. I asked, “How are you man, how is she?”

And he said,”

I don't know man... It's like someone changed the sheets while weren't paying attention, or maybe something changed because we weren't paying attention, or maybe what changed, is we stopped paying attention. Like loving felt so easy I thought I could do it blindfolded, and so I tried. Like giving felt so easy she buried all thoughts of sacrifice, along with any hope of compromise. So now I have a second secret lover, You might know her? Insomnia? I heard she gets around. Thing is though I don't quite like the way she eye-balls my dreams, And in 2 weeks with no sign of HER, and no sign of SLEEP! I'm thinking of sending out a search party, you know: Lost: 'Hopes & Dreams' Last Seen: ‘Somewhere between her broken promises, and my muffled screams.' Till then I'm just injecting every 'hello' with a latent 'goodbye'. As destiny slips through my fingers, and I can't quite figure out 'why?'. I'm locked in this prison of past patterns, though I don't quite understand the crime, I'm forced to kiss the person I love every time, like it might be the last time.

My friend kinda turned into the kind of person you wouldn't want to be friends with after that.  I ran into him this one time and couldn’t get away from him so I awkwardly asked, “Heyyyy how are youuuu…?”

He said,

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUUUCCCKKK FUUUCK FUCK FUCK… fuck…!

And I was like, “…Fuuuuck…”

We didn't speak again for a while. To be honest I feel like no one really heard from him in a while. I suddenly heard he'd crawled out of his cave and was making appearances in public. So I called him up and said we should meet up.

I apologized for what happened saying, “I’m sorry about everything that happened bro, how is she? Do you guys still talk?”

He said,

Yeah... She called me after reading the Fault in our Stars, Talking about love and loss. I said the pages of great books feel like mirrors. chapters feel like memories, and characters; friends. She said don't be so dramatic, it's not like we're dying. But I said anyone who says we're not is lying. This human horror show is a cosmic tragedy with an unoriginal ending. I'm not trying to be condescending, but we're all dying. But when the two of us lived as one we illuminated this reality. We filled its spaces with serenity, and sang songs into its silences. We transmuted its mundane and morphed its melancholies. So it’s almost poetic, that we'd be undone by such trivialities. I'd like to say we were doomed, I'd like to say we were young, But the truth is you were selfish, and I was dumb. So though fate never did us any favors, and our stars are full of shit. We are the unplanned parents of our own destruction, and it’s time we took responsibility for it. I would have loved you for a lifetime, but that's damaged beyond repair, still, don't despair, Perhaps 'almost' can be our 'always'.

[azaleavi]

“All of the songs are about you”

Requested by anon: Hi, first of all I want to thank you for all your amazing work that you share with us, I absolutely adore everything that you write!!! Secondly, I was wondering if I could request something with Sebastian, where reader is a famous singer and younger than him, and when they reveal their relationship, people start saying that he is only using her and he gets worried that she will leave him for someone her age. Once again, thank you! 😚

Word count: 2k

Author's note: Thank you for your kind words dear nonnie! I hope you like it.

Warning(s): language

Feedback is always appreciated and don’t forget to reblog and like if you enjoyed it and want to see more. Thank you!

Masterlist

Both of you being famous wasn't easy with you being a singer and Sebastian being an actor. Especially when you wanted to keep your relationship a secret and you were quite younger than him. You have been dating for a while now and you couldn't be more in love with him. He was your muse for many of your songs, but the fans didn't know that. They did notice though that you started writing more love songs than before. You got questions about it almost every day, but you never answered them. They had their speculations, but you never confirmed any of it. It might be selfish, but you wanted to keep him all to yourself and both of you agreed to wait a little more before going public. He was promoting his new movie and you didn't want people to think that you announced your relationship only to give more publicity to it. But sometimes the universe doesn't care what you want.

It was a normal day, like any other, when you were at Sebastian's house and you started craving some McDonald's. The weather was nice for the time being past 10 pm so you decided to go out to buy it instead of ordering. It was dark already so you weren't afraid that anybody would see or recognize you. It was a five minute walk from his house and you thought it would be nice have a short walk. You waited for Sebastian to lock the front door then started walking down the street hand in hand. It probably wasn't the best idea, but you really didn't think that any paparazzi would be near you. You went into the fast food place to buy what you needed, then started walking back to his place, laughing at a story he was telling you. You loved these late night walks, the dark giving you a sense of comfort.

"Baby" he stopped walking as still giggled, making you stop as well. You turned to him, eyebrows raised in question, a smile still on your face. "I love you" he blurted out, intently looking at you, waiting for your reaction. He never said it before, despite dating for almost 6 months now. You didn't say it either yet, not wanting to make him uncomfortable or rush him. After his last relationship he wanted to be extra sure when saying the three words and you understood him. Your heart skipped a few beats at his confession, the smile widening on your lips.

"I love you too, Seb." you beamed, stepping closer to him and pulling him into a hug.

"Thank god." he mumbled into your hair, making you pull away.

"What do you mean 'thank god'? How could I not feel the same way about you? Haven't you heard the songs I wrote lately?" you asked jokingly in disbelief, but knowing he didn't mean it like that.

"You know what I mean" he blushed under the light of the streetlamp.

"I do" your arms going around his neck you pulled him down into a deep kiss. When you broke apart you walked back to his house to finally eat.

What you didn't realize was that there was a paparazzi following you, getting the perfect angle of your kiss, taking a series of photos.

The next morning you were woken up by your phone essentially exploding with calls and messages. You groaned as you reached for it, barely being able to touch it as Sebastian refused to let go of your waist.

"Why is your phone waking us up at the ass crack of dawn?" he groaned, rubbing his eyes.

"I don't know" you unlocked it to see at least 25 calls from your manager and another few from friends and family. Around the same amount of texts were sent as well, making you sit up in bed, confused. "Something is wrong." he sat up at your tone to look at your phone. You dialed your manager, putting it on speaker. She picked up right away.

"What the fuck are you doing?" she almost screamed into the device, making Sebastian look at you.

"I was sleeping. It's 7 am." you explained.

"Care to tell me why is you and Sebastian kissing plastered on every news site on the internet right now?" your whole world stopped at her words.

"What did you say?" Sebastian spoke up as you were still frozen in your spot.

"Oh your partner in crime is there too? Great. I don't have to say this twice." she was being sarcastic, but you didn't care. You just wanted an explanation.

"Tell us what is happening, please" you pleaded.

"There are multiple pictures of you going around. They are claiming that they took them last night." she explained, but that wasn't enough.

"What pictures?" you asked.

"Pictures of you holding hands and kissing." you ran your hand through your hair.

"Fuck" Sebastian sighed.

"That's an understatement." you heard shuffling on the other side. "So I recommend you guys figure out what you are going to do and do it real fast because it is getting out of hand."

"Yeah, sure we will do that." he took the phone from you. "Thanks."

"Just doing my work." she ended the call with a sigh. Sebastian looked at you as you stared at your legs, deep in thought.

"Hey" he brushed his hand up your back, shaking you out of your mind.

"Yeah?" you looked at him, startled.

"We need to do something." he explained.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. What should we do? Go public? I mean we don't really have any other choice." you furrowed your brows.

"Do you want that?" he wanted you to be hundred percent okay with whatever you were going to do.

"Yes, I just hoped it wouldn't happen like this." you sighed. "Do you want that?" you asked back.

"Yes. We already talked about going public so I guess we will have to do it now." he shrugged.

"How are we doing this then?" you stood up to get dressed, getting ready for the day.

"Posting a video on TikTok?" he grinned.

"Absolutely not. We are not posting on Tiktok." you shook your head, laughing.

"So where do you want it? Facebook?" he raised his eyebrows, joking.

"No." you laughed. "I was thinking about posting a pic on Instagram." you threw out the idea. Both of you used the app a lot so it would be the best choice.

"Okay, let's find a picture." he also stood up.

"Ah-ah" you held out your hand to stop him. "You talk to your manager while I pick out a picture to post on my account and you can post one on yours if you want to. Mine is going to be a surprise." you grinned, already having one in mind. It was your favorite picture of you, taken by a friend without your knowledge. You were in a parking lot at the beach, you sitting on the hood of his car while he was standing between your legs, kissing you. There was a second picture, where you were leaning your forehead against his, both of you laughing at your friends shouting at you to get a room. Both of your faces were clearly seen on them so you decided to post both of them.

'All of the songs are about you' the caption read. In seconds your notifications were blowing up with comments from fans. You didn't want to read them, because you knew how people on the internet could get and you knew that you being younger than him would bother some of them. Sebastian came out of the bedroom to sit next to you.

"You posted it?" he asked, taking out his phone.

"Yep" you smiled. You leaned your head against his shoulder as he opened the app, waiting for his reaction. He immediately searched up your name and tapped on the photo. His thumb froze on the little heart as he read the caption. He put the phone down and grabbed your chin to pull you to his soft lips in a kiss.

"I love you." he mumbled into your lips.

"I love you too." you giggled. He pulled away to pick up the phone to leave a comment. 'If I wrote songs mine would be about you too' you snorted at it. "You are cute"

-

A few days later you had enough courage to check the comments people were leaving online. Maybe it wasn't the best idea.

'Jesus. Isn't he like 12 years older than her?? Gross'

'He is definitely using her lmao but I can't blame him, get that coin king'

'Y'all think she calls him daddy in the bedroom kjsdnhs'

'She is just using him to write songs'

There were nice comments as well, calling you cute together and wishing you well. The mean comments always stuck with you more though and you didn't want Sebastian to read them. It was enough that you went through them. Both of you were a little insecure about your age gap, but you loved each other so you helped the other through the harder times.

You got to his house and walked in as he asked you to not to knock anymore. You found him sitting on his couch, phone in hand. Hoping that he wasn't doing what you thought he was doing you sat down next to him. He had instagram open.

"Seb" you sighed, taking the phone out of his hands.

"What? I just wanted to see what they were saying." he tried to defend himself.

"You shouldn't read these." you shook your head. "So you wanna watch a movie?" you changed the subject. He agreed with your suggestion.

The movie had been playing for a half an hour when he pulled away from your cuddling.

"What if they are right?" his voice was so quiet so almost didn't hear him. You paused the movie to look at him.

"What do you mean?" you asked, confused by his sudden outburst.

"The comments saying that you could do so much better than me" he kept looking at his feet. You sat up and grabbed his chin to turn his head towards you, your heart breaking at his words. This was exactly why you didn't want him to read them.

"Baby" you sighed. "They are not right. Not even by far. I could not find anyone better than you even if I tried. But I'm not trying because I have you with me and you are the best thing that happened to me in a long time. So get that thought out of your head." you stared into his eyes to get your point across.

"But don't you want someone your age?"

"No I don't." you shook your head. "I am perfectly happy with you and I don't need anyone else." you held his cheeks between your palms. "Plus I like it that you are older." you smirked making him chuckle lightly. Climbing onto his lap you pulled him closer. "I love it that you are more experienced." you pressed a soft kiss on his cheek. "I love it that you are taller." a kiss under his ear. "I love it that you are always so so sweet to everyone you meet." a kiss on his nose. Your right hand went into his hair as your lips kissed down to his neck. "And I love the way you make me feel when it's just the two of us." you whispered into his ear, your breath hitting his skin, making him let out a moan. He grabbed your waist in a strong grip. "I love how big your hands are." you nipped at his skin on his neck earning another noise of pleasure and his fingers digging into your skin. "But most importantly" you pulled away so you could look into his eyes to show your sincerity. "I love you. All of you. With everything I have." his eyes softened as he pulled you into a passionate kiss.

"I love you too."

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