#secrets and desires

[deans-baby-momma]

Secrets & Desires- Part 1

A/N: Please let me know what you think! Reblogs and likes are nice but feedback is better.

Sam has been keeping a secret from Dean. For a while now - it’s killing him but he doesn’t know how to explain it to his older brother. How do you tell someone you’ve looked up to your whole life that you’ve finally found someone who gets you; who has the same sexual energy, desires and fetishes? And that she’s older. 

Dean would probably not bat an eye, even be proud of his little brother for a moment. Until he found out who Sam has been sneaking around with. And it all started with one little phrase during a case. 

2012

“Do I have to use my ‘mom voice’?”

Jody Mills was not someone Sam ever thought of in a sexual way. She was a friend, a fellow hunter but when he returned to the first floor after finding Dean’s note and the sheriff actually used her ‘mom voice’ on him, it did something to him. 

Sam wasn’t going to pursue it. He thought she was just being a caretaker, looking out for him because she saw how exhausted he was……and maybe she was but even after they retrieved Dean and went their separate ways, Sam couldn’t get the image of Jody being Mommy for him.

When Crowley almost took Jody’s life in a bid to get the Winchesters to stop trying to close the gates of Hell, Sam decided it was now or never. He was going to make a move, but before that could happen, the trials almost claimed his life.

The next time they met up for a case, Sam could barely look at Jody. The dreams that his imagination had conjured up left him wound up about the woman who’d lost almost everything. And when Sam and Dean signed the chastity vow, he figured he probably needed to just forget everything.

Until Jody said something when they figured out Dean was boning the chastity group’s counselor, Suzy, a reformed porn star.

“I’d like to whip his tail for thinking with his dick instead of his brain during a case!”

Sam couldn’t stand it anymore. So as they stood in the remnants of Dean and Suzy’s abduction, Sam pulled Jody to him and kissed her soundly before uttering, “You can spank me anytime, Mommy.”  

"Sam?" Jody says incredulously, making Sam want to shrink into oblivion.  Had he read the situation all wrong? Was the vibe she was emitting completely innocent and he just made a giant mistake?

"Oh god Jody," he begins pulling away. "I'm so sorry!"

"Sam Winchester!" Jody scolds, shutting the tall hunter up. She wraps her arms around his waist and places her hands on his ass. "I would love to use my crop on this ass," she tells him with a quick squeeze. "Fuck, I bet you could bounce a nickel off that."

Sam feels himself blush at her observation. But he mentally pats himself on the back because he had been correct, she was into the whole Mommy kink - or at least ready to give it a go. He smiles as he plants his hands on her cheeks and leans down and captures her lips again.

Jody wastes no time allowing him entrance between her lips. She had been attracted to Sam for years. He just exuded confidence and security and she had thought she sensed a bit of a kinky side to him once or twice. 

Now she knew what he was into, she had no problems being that for him. She couldn't wait to see the big, strong, brave hunter become submissive and complacent in her bed.

The kiss seemed to become a battle for dominance but Jody knew just what to do to gain the upper hand.  She slid her hands down Sam's back and once again cupped his buttocks before lifting her right hand and landing a solid smack on his left cheek.

Sam moaned into her mouth, giving her the advantage to take control. Once air became a necessity,  the two pulled apart and Jody looked up at him through her lashes. "There's more where that came from," she teased. 

Sam opened his mouth to respond but with an inhale, he got a slight whiff of Dean's cologne and remembered the case.

"As much as I want to continue this," he said remorsefully. "We need to find my brother."

Jody nods and steps out of the embrace, but not before locking Sam in a commanding look  "Once we find Dean, you come to my room and get your comeuppance. You understand Mister?"

Sam's dick twitched in his jeans at the assertiveness. The authority in her voice made him want to obey, like a good little boy. 

"Yes ma'am."

Once they discovered the monster, a Roman goddess named Vesta that was kidnapping and killing virgins, the hunter and the sheriff learned that the only way to kill it was oak stained in virgin blood.  They also learned from a staticky and short phone call from Dean that he and the others were being held at an old farm near train tracks.

With an oak stake dipped in the blood of one of the chastity group members, they arrive at the farm and hunt for the goddess and her victims. 

In a bid to save Dean and the others, along with Sam who was knocked unconscious,  Jody goes up against the monster - getting stabbed herself.

Still, she used what strength she had left to kill Vesta and save them all.  Jody Mills wasn't going to have more deaths on her conscience, especially that of her friends and possible future lover.

Only that would have to hold off, as she herself was too injured to participate in those types of events.

While Dean was off checking on Suzy and the others, Jody  and Sam concluded that as soon as she healed, she would call him.

"I'd tell you boys to stay out of trouble," Jody says later in the Winchester's motel room, looking from one to the other. "But what's the point?"

Dean hugs her and thanks her for bailing him out. She hugs Sam and then takes the bag he hands her. She glances at Dean to see he has turned his back on them so she whispers, "I'll call you. Be a good boy."

Sam subtly nods and is rewarded with a wink and an air kiss. He watches as Jody walks out the door. 

@spnbaby-67 @sea040561 @delightfullykrispypeach @larajadeschmidt13 @atc74 @vicariouslythruspn @squirrelnotsam  @sandlee44 @blacktithe7 @hoboal87 @mogaruke @supraveng @akshi8278 @lyarr24 @kazsrm67 @chriszgirl92 @deanwithscissors @raisinggray @fanfic-n-tabulous @hobby27 @stoneyggirl2 @purpleeclipseeggsland @kmc1989 @leigh70 @crownoflillies1

[gibbearish]

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Danse Macabre

[Commission]

[eamour]

the bridge of events.

something that most of us eventually do or have done is try to "fix" a certain situation in our physical worlds. we have encountered something very unlikable and therefore want to "un-manifest" it by thinking of a way to do so. however, that's not your job. moreover, that's not your GOAL.

definition.

the "bridge of events" refers to the lined up situations you will have to experience or go through in order to reach the physical fulfillment of your desire. it's an unpredictable process that describes how, when and where you will receive your desire in the outer world, basically the "bridge" that's between your current and your desired reality.

disregard the bridge.

can you decide the way in which your heart's desires are going to come to fruition? most definitely, you can. but you don't have to. see, you don't have to come up with a detailed solution on how an unfavourable situation is going to change to a favourable one. you don't have to mess around with logical possibilities and realistic outcomes. actually, you don't even need to be bothered by it. you do not need to worry at all.

concentrate on the destination.

you only need to be concerned about WHAT you want, nothing and no one else. you need to focus on what's at the end of the line and fixate your mind on it. nail your thoughts on the version of yourself who HAS and IS what you wish to have or be already, and don't care about the obstacles in your reality. don't "reason" your way into obtaining your desire. go to the end and make sure to stay in alignment with that version of yours. dwell on that version. be it, be the end, not the bridge. do not wait or wonder. enjoy your desire. experience it in the mind. within an infinite range of realities, your desired one already EXISTS!

renounce all circumstances.

if you witness something that brings you off track or just generally throws you off your path, what are you going to do?

exactly, you are going to dismiss it. it's entirely up to you if you use a different term to deal with the outer world — such as ignore, renounce, abandon, neglect, reject, refuse — as long as you do not accept it as true.

whatever happens physically is none of your concern, none of your interest and not worth your time, energy and attention. do not let it get in your way. do not let it affect or influence your new, freshly established assumptions. because the undesirable reality that's currently being displayed isn't the reality you want to begin with. the reality you are manifesting ISN'T the one you are experiencing right now! it has nothing to do with you. you are not obligated to accept or associate yourself with it. it holds no truthfulness, no rightness, no correctness and definitely no realness. and remember: it does not serve as a form of validation either!

do not interfere with the physical. do not intervene. do not take action. withhold from any acts that do not take place in the mind. leave the world as it is, as the old reality doesn't reflect your new one anymore.

consequently, feel the way you would feel and then let go of it. you want to distance yourself from the story that's no longer yours. you no longer identify with that version of self anymore.

"the display of the old story and its circumstances isn't an invitation to return back to it."

persist in imagination.

let it come to pass. let it unfold in your reality. simply persist in your newly chosen reality. select your desired reality every day and don't stop. accept it as true, as correct and as real. your imagination is your confirmation. your imaginative acts are your source of validation. so have faith and trust yourself.

the thing is, if you continuously persist in your desired outcome, you are going to walk the bridge one way or another. your desire is going to announce itself and you will acknowledge it — there is no way around it! it WILL show up, and you WILL notice it. you HAVE to. that's the law!

with love, ella.

[benoits-neckerchieves]

Question-asker at Queer (2024) press conference: “Do you think there could be a gay James Bond?”

Luca Guadagnino: “Nobody would ever know James Bond’s desires. Period.”

Daniel Craig: 👏👏👏👏👏👏

Video of press conference

[magnolia-sunrise]

one sided // mutual

still obsessed with the intimacy of body language when the faces are obscured. inspired in part by Mead Schaefer's limitted palette paintings

[buttercup-barf]

Yes, this is an Open Season poster reference. No, I won't be elaborating.

[i-put-the-ayyy-in-asexual]

How many times will Neil Gaiman create an immortal queer-platonic-partnership, bc idk how many more I can take

[kissablecupcake]

Your current life right now, is a reflection of your beliefs.

You have acne that won’t disappear? That’s a reflection of your beliefs.

Your sp is dating someone?? That’s a reflection of your beliefs.

You don’t have your dream life?

Change it!!! Change anything and everything you want, it’s YOUR reality, not you sp’s, or your bully’s, YOURS. Therefore, you can be anyone you want to be, change anything you want to change, and live any life you want to live.

This is you sign to stop complaining about the useless 3d and manifest your dreams and desires now!!

[httpscomexe]

Forbidden Secret Desire 3

Summary: You’re finally starting to fit in when you freak out in front of everyone. But twenty side eyes later and a lot of forgiveness from your friend Kurt, you discover a scary secret.

(Find What I’m currently writing by checking my pinned post)

Parings: Logan Howlett x Reader

Warnings: (Individual warnings per chapter) Panic attack, manipulation, hidden cameras, finally not as much awkwardness, social dissociation, being in the social eye. Logan is an official warning starting this chapter as approved by the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) because Logan is a DRUG. PLEASE BE AWARE that this will be a NON-CON fic. Do NOT get attached if you do not like non-consensual fiction. I will not change my fic plans because somebody decided not to read the warnings. Thank you.

Word Count: 4542 (All other Chapters here) Chapter 4

Tags: @remmyj10 @sammyluvsfics @badbishsblog @dickmaster3000

P.S. If you’d like to be tagged, ask in the comments, you also have permission to send an ask, but make sure it is NOT anonymous, so I know your username, don’t worry, I’m scared of confrontation too. But this is a SAFE SPACE where I will not judge. Thank you again. 

Enjoy your Forbidden Secret Desire...

“Alright, everyone, find a partner.” You shouldn’t be surprised that Logan was your teacher for your third period class. You remembered Hank and Logan talking about it the other day in the lab, but it still shocked you for some reason, maybe it was something else that surprised you, like the fact that he doesn’t just let everyone do whatever so he could get it over with. You knew he would be the substitute for both your third and fifth period classes for the rest of this week, and only because Xavier was out on some mission. The thing that bothered you the most now, was that you couldn’t partner up with anyone, and you knew no one would want to partner up with you. So you just watched as everyone else excitedly ran towards their best friends.

“Wanna be my partner?” A hand lands on your shoulder, making you flinch a little. It was Kurt of course. “We have a new student today and my normal partner is their guide.” He explains.

“Uh, yea sure. Cool.” Cool? 

“Cool,” he smiles, his little fangs showing under his lips.

“Everyone have a partner?” Everyone nods, including you. “Good, find a place on the floor and sit in front of your partner.” You follow Kurt to an open spot, there were only about ten other kids in the class so it wasn’t too hard. “Once you’re sitting with your partner, find three things you both have in common. You have five minutes to talk amongst yourselves, time starts now.” You realise he’s reading every instruction from a pamphlet, that helped it make more sense. “Also apparently the three things you have in common cannot be common questions such as colours, animals, etcetera.” He finishes, placing the pamphlet down on the teachers desk. “Now your time starts now.” He picks up his phone, and starts the timer.

“So uh. What are some uncommon questions then?” You shrug, trying to think of a question with him. Why do they have to be uncommon Xavier? What the fuck? You wonder and listen to other students' conversations, but everyone is trying to figure out a question just like you and Kurt.

Your eyes turned back to him, and his index fingers were rubbing his temples, it was actually frustrating him. So now you understand the task. It’s almost impossible to come up with a question that no one commonly asks, so of course, thinking is stressing everyone out. It was anger management after all.

“If you were a unicorn, what colour would you want to be? I’d probably wanna be white.” You tell him, shrugging a little, hoping it would calm his frustration.

“Oh yea. I’d probably be white also, I get tired of being blue.” He chuckles a little.

“Okay if you were a dragon, would you breathe fire or something else?”

“I'd probably want to breathe ice.”

“I think it would be cool to be able to choose.” You tell him, sitting back up and crossing your arms in your lap.

“If you were forced to do one subject for the rest of your life, what would you choose?” He asks you, understanding the project now.

“Definitely science.”

“Same, it’s a more fun subject.”

“Especially compared to anger management.” You joke, making him chuckle quietly. “Okay, one more question.” You prop your elbows on your thighs as you look at him. The rule is no common questions, so Xavier wants us to ask uncommon questions, with common answers.

“If everything in the world could only be flavoured one thing, what flavour would you choose?”

“I would choose vanilla. It’s plain, I can't get tired of it.”

“I would probably choose green apples, but not too sour.”

“How about the scent?”

“Scent I would choose vanilla.” He tells you, one again laughing to himself.

“Same, and there’s our three questions.” You turn your head to look at the projector, there was about a minute left and Logan was going around and asking groups how everything was doing. In another direction, a kid who could harness fire had smoke coming from the back of his head as he thought of another question.

“Alright and how are you two doing?” Logan asks Kurt and then his eyes also move to you.

“Good, we just finished.”

“No common questions?” You both shake your heads. “Good, you’re the only pair to finish so far.” He mumbles, moving onto the next group.

“So what’re you doing after your last class?” Kurts asks you, leaning forward to ask the question, his eyes trained on you.

“I’m supposed to help Hank- Mr. McCoy with another project.”

“You do that everyday.” He leans back on his palms.

“Yea, I never have anything better to do. Unless something comes up then I cancel.”

“So he doesn’t ask you for help? You just kind of pop in?” You nod.

“Unless he asks me to. Then it can be important… it’s usually stupid.” He smiles slightly.

“So my friends and I are having a little sleepover in my room tonight.”

“Oh…” You move your hands together, once again your thumb begins to pick at your skin.

“Yea, it would be cool if you came by. We're gonna have pizza, some drinks, and we're gonna watch a movie.”

“What movie?” You ask, the timer reaching zero as Logan walks back to the desk to turn it off.

“Whatever we pick out of the hat. Last week it was Big Hero 6.” He shrugs.

“Uh, yea. I’ll try, what time?”

“Around 9PM is normally when the others show up.” You nod in understanding, then Logan speaks up.

“Okay so, it says here that you guys are all supposed to stand up and share your groups three questions.” He tells everyone, reading the pamphlet out loud. “But I don’t wanna hear it. So the rest of the ten minutes in class is to yourselves. Enjoy.” He tosses the papers back on the desk and the students immediately begin talking amongst themselves. Talking about anything they could come up with. The news, food, anything, while you and Kurt stood back up, he walked to his friend group expecting you to follow. But you only make your way back to your desk to sit on your phone for the remainder of class. Logans eyes settling on you, and you know you’re not supposed to be on your phone, but he doesn’t bother making a scene, instead, his eyes rest on you, occasionally moving to other students to see what they’re doing or moving to look at his email, but the majority of the ten minutes, all he could look at was you.

And then the bell finally rang, and everyone collected their items in their bags before leaving the classroom for lunch.

Normally for lunch you’d just sit in your room on your bed, finishing any work you had to finish and if you were hungry you’d either tough it out or you would’ve ordered something before your third class ended. Today, Kurt changed your plans.

“Hey, we ordered extra, we were hoping you would also sit with us today?” He asks, holding out a box of food that smelt amazing. So you nod, and follow behind him to the little area his friends were sitting. They all smiled up at you from their spots on the floor, and you joined silently. This dude just bribed you with food.

They all chat amongst themselves, and you simply poke at your food with your plastic fork, occasionally taking a small bite. You’ve never been the type of person who’s able to eat an entire meal in front of people you’ve never spoken to without feeling awkward.

They talked about class, and classwork, and talked a little about hanging out in Kurt's room tonight, but that was about it. Occasionally, there would be an inside joke that you didn’t understand, but you didn’t mind. You kept your eyes on your food, and that was it.

“So what about you?” Jean nudges you, making you look up to see everyone's eyes on you. What was the question? You ask yourself, panic rising in your chest.

“Yea, Y/N. Where would you be if you didn’t have to be here?” Alex, you’re a saviour.

“Uh, well…” You think about it for a moment, not sure where you’d wanna be. Definitely not with your family, you don’t have a home or caring family outside of the mansion. Hell you didn’t even have friends inside the mansion. “I don’t really know.”

“Oh come on. Paris? Mexico?” Scott- or Cyclops asks you.

“Oh, like where do I want to visit?”

“Or live.” Kurt cuts in, smiling at you.

“I would choose Russia.” You shrug, and they all stare at you.

“Imma be honest I was expecting the Maldives or some sort of beach.” Jean laughs a little. “But why Russia? There’s nothing there but snow and vodka.” You nod.

“It’s where I was born…”

“No way…” Alex scoffs. “You don’t look Russian. And you’ve only been here for what? Three years?”

“Almost.” You sigh a little. “About two years and eight months.”

“You literally never talk to anyone.” Jean says out loud, and you look up at her, your eyes daring her to continue. “How do you not have an accent?” Rude. Your eyes squint slightly.

“Okay, guys, next subject.” Kurt says, a little chuckle in the back of his throat. “Actually, what kind of pizzas are you guys wanting for tonight? I’m ordering this time.” He takes out his phone and opens a pizza ordering app.

“Can we get Hawaaian?”

“No, come on, meat lovers!”

“That's gross, why not just normal pepperoni?”

“Well I don’t like sauce.”

“I like alfredo.”

“Guys come on, just choose two. I’m getting two pizzas.”

“So get Hawaiian and meat lovers.”

“What about sauce?”

“Just get a sauce cup, or like five sauce cups? I love sauce.”

“Well I hate it.”

It was too much. Too much back and fourth, and you honestly couldn’t stand it. It was making your head whirr and your brain was pounding as they argue about something as simple as pizza. Then they start arguing about sodas and it’s just all this back and fourth. It was too much.

“Hey wait where are you going?” Alex is the first one to ask about your sudden leave as you get up from the ground and throw away your trash, but you don’t walk back towards them. “She’s not answering me.” He tells the rest of the group, as if it wasn’t already obvious.

You just don’t think you would’ve been able to muster one more word from their lips.

“Hey! Y/N, wait!” You hear Kurt's voice call after you and footsteps behind you, and your face heats up as he gets closer, your arms crossing as you try to console yourself. Then his fucking hand touching your shoulder and he turns you around, one hand on each of your shoulders as he tries to keep you steady, but it only freaks you the fuck out.

“Do NOT touch me!” You shout. The entire eating area goes quiet as each pair of eyes lands on you. Shit.

“Hey, uh… Calm down a little…”

“Do not tell me what to do…” You threaten, but it comes out as more of a warning.

“Well uh… you’re probably freaking everyone out with your hands right now…” What?

In your frustration, you hadn’t even realised you had pushed him off of you, his hands were up in defence, but his shirt had a burn hole in it that wasn’t there before.

Looking down at your hands, there was a red and blue glow emitting from your fingers all the way through your veins. You could only imagine how your eyes looked as you stared down at your hands in embarrassment. Oh, right. You can’t control your powers when you’re stressed, frustrated, sad, mad, happy. You always have to be just… neutral.

“Ms. Y/L/N!” Another voice calls and Professor Lehnsherr approaches you with a soft smile. “Come with me so you can cool down.” He tells you, gently placing his hand on your back to lead you out of the eating area before anything escalates.

“Alright.” He sighs, and closes your bedroom door behind you. “Want to tell me what happened back there?” You shake your head. It would’ve sounded pathetic. “That’s okay. Oh honey, don’t sit down.” He holds a hand out to grab your arm but doesn’t, knowing damned well he would burn himself if he touched you. “You’ll burn the sheets.” He reminds you, and you take a few steps away from the bed, but bring your hands up to your face to rub your temples, attempting with all of your effort to control your breathing. Got it, so personal questions and constant back and forth conversations stress you out. You tell yourself. “So… I think you should spend the rest of the day to yourself and-”

“No. No, I have to go to class, remember I said I can’t skip anymore just because I can’t fix myself.” You tell him, reminding him of the first time you freaked out and made the promise.

“Y/N, it’s not about fixing yourself, it’s about controlling your emotions.”

“Well everyone else is able to! Why can’t I?”

“Because everyone in this school associates themselves with others.” You hate to say it, but he was right. Everyone else is used to public stress, because they constantly have it.

“Well I still cannot and will not skip the rest of the day.”

“Fine then. Skip just this fourth period, then go to fifth period, but if you feel like you’re not up for it, then send me a text and I’ll send your substitute a text also so he knows you’re not coming.” You don’t say anything. “Sounds good?”

“Yea. Yes. Uh huh, that- yes… that sounds good.”

“Okay, I’ll let Hank know you’re not up for fourth period, then like I said.” He makes his way to the door and holds the handle. “Let me know if you need the entire rest of the day off. Okay?” You nod and give him an ‘mhm,’ before he finally leaves.

Okay what normally calms you down..? You wonder, looking around your room and heading towards your desk to search for the little paper you write those types of things on. There was painting your nails, colouring books, sitting in your dark closet because there’s no sounds in there, and then there was a nice shower or bath. Cold, shower or bath of course. You decide you should just do that.

You roll down the sleeves of the jacket that you’ve had on all day, and then unzip it and throw it off into your dirty laundry basket. The bell for lunch had just rung, so the sound of other students chatting in the halls made way into your room. How you wish the walls and doors were thicker. You wonder as you begin to slide off your leggings, also discarding them in your laundry basket before walking into your bathroom and turning on the faucet, letting the water run cold as you step into the tub with your hair up so you could just relax in the water.

As soon as you’re done, you wrap a towel around your body and step out, perfect timing as the fourth class ends and the bell rings throughout the school walls. Then there’s that annoying whirring sound again as you stand in front of your desk, going through the clothes you’d swore you would go through that morning.

After choosing a plain blue sweater and another pair of black leggings, along with your matching set of panties and a bra, you hear yet another clicking sound, the same you heard from last night. You don’t remember hearing it earlier, so you again assume it’s your neighbours, doing something in their room during the ten minute passing period. Annoying. But you wonder what they could possibly be doing with a camera that loud, and that often. It did only start yesterday, so you hoped it would bore them out eventually.

After what felt like a thousand more clicks, on top of getting fully dressed, you decide you’d be able to make it to class. Your nerves were cool, and you didn’t feel as frustrated as before.

So after about a minute with your palm lying on the door handle, you finally had the courage to open the door with about two minutes left to make it to your fifth period, meditation.

Walking back into the halls felt like you were a fox on a bunny farm. All eyes were on you, and as usual, everyone was whispering about you. The only difference between now and before was they didn’t even try to hide that they were talking about you. If you hadn’t been so used to this scene, you would’ve already freaked the fuck out. So instead, you easily and quickly make it to your first class, having enough of the staring eyes.

“Everyone brought their mat today like they were asked to on Friday?” Logan, also substituting for your fifth period.

Everyone takes their mats out of their bag, including you and everyone rolls it out on the floor in their assigned spot. Surprising considering there was a sub. Then again, it was Wolverine. You sit in your assigned spot as well, but a little further away from everyone. Not everyone had been there for the scene that had unfolded during lunch of course, some people were inside the cafeteria. But you knew that by now the word had spread inside and outside of the mansion.

“Today, we’re going to just relax.” His voice softens a little, becoming nearly soothing. “First I’m going to have you all do some stretches though, so will Jean please come to the front to lead the stretches?” He asks, watching as Jean stands with her mat and faces the entire class on the floor before beginning the stretches, the entire class of about thirty people this time copying her.

You watch as she moves to lie on her stomach, and you follow her movements slowly, placing your palms in front of you and pushing up to stretch, then you follow along all the rest of her simple stretches before she finishes and moves her mat back to her original spot.

“Okay, now here’s the video Xavier said to play.” A video on youtube comes onto the projector screen of an elderly woman sitting on a purple mat with her legs crossed, then she speaks into her camera, asking everyone to copy what she does, then the video goes silent for a moment before the sounds of waterfalls and chirping birds play, attempting to put the viewers mind at ease as everyone's eyes close, to apparently rid their eyes of distractions.

You’re ten minutes in. It’s actually peaceful. You tell yourself with your eyes closed, still sitting with your legs crossed on the floor and your hands on your knees.

“Here.” You hear a voice behind you, prompting you to open your eyes. “No, no. Close your eyes and face forward.” He tells you, and you do. He’s quiet enough so only you could hear him over the waterfall and birds. Then you feel his palm press gently on the middle of your back, causing you to straighten your posture as you involuntarily try to escape his touch. “I heard what happened. I didn’t expect you to show up to fifth.” He admits, letting his palm rest on your lower back, just above your ass, and you take a deep breath. “How’re you feeling now?”

“Fine.” You whisper back, matching his quiet tone so as not to interrupt anyones meditation.

“That’s good. I was worrying about you. I noticed you skipped the fourth period.” You hear him move next to you, and you open your eyes just enough so he doesn’t notice. Instead of kneeling, he was now crouching next to you on your right. His left hand moves to your left shoulder. “But I’m glad you’re alright. Just let me know if you ever need anything.” Emphasising “Anything,”  making it clear that he’d kick ass just for someone looking at you wrong.

You nod slightly, then in your mostly closed eyes, you see him move closer to you. Flinching as his left hand gently holds the side of your head, your lips parting just slightly as you feel his lips touch your temple. A gesture that was supposed to feel sweet, but everything in you was saying it was sinister. Of course, being you, you throw the red flag out of your head and settle on him just being a good friend. I mean he’s your professor. Surely it wouldn’t be more than that.

Right?

The meditation session ends and everyone rolls up their mats and are immediately glued back to their phones or talking to their friends obnoxiously. You also of course are guilty, turning on your phone to no notifications to reply to, as usual- Wait. I have a text? You open your phone to see the text with Kurt's name right next to it.

Kurt Wagner: I’m hoping you’re still coming tonight?

You: I don’t know… I’m sorry about what happened earlier.

Kurt Wagner: Hey it was an accident, and I’ve been meaning to throw that shirt away anyways.

You: Oh, well I hope it was just the shirt. I didn’t burn you right?

Kurt Wagner: Luckily no. You’re such a worry bug.

You: Sorry…

“Wait, where’s the pizza?” Alex is the first to notice as they all walk into the room, everyone eyes first landing on you sitting on Kurt's bed with your legs crossed.

“Well, turns out, Y/N doesn’t like pizza. So I got KFC, McDonalds, and Taco Bell.” Kurt explains, hopping off the bed and retrieving his TV remote. You didn’t even have a TV in your room. At least not anymore. “I know each of you likes at least one of these, so enjoy.” He tells them, turning back to see you snacking on a quesadilla.

“So what movie are we watching then?” Scott asks, grabbing a solid ten chicken pieces from the KFC bucket. “Have you guys pulled from the hat?”

“We have not.” He tells them, then disappears in his closet, reappearing a minute later with some fancy tophat that makes you smile a little. “Who wants to choose from the hat?”

“Make Y/N.”

“Yea, this is her first time, let her.”

“Just don’t let Scott choose, his hand is a magnet for Toy Story, and if I watch it again I’ll know the entire script by broken heart.”

“Okay, okay.” Kurt chuckles, holding the hat out in front of you and giving you an encouraging smile. “Lets let Y/N choose tonight then.” He says, and you angle your arm slightly to reach into the tophat and pull out the first piece of paper your fingers touch. “What did you get?”

They all stare at you as you open the little paper. “Finding Dory.” Your eyebrow quirks a little.

“Finally, we’ve been waiting for someone to choose that one.” Jean tells you and you roll the paper back up, handing it to Kurt and he puts it back in the hat then sets the hat on his desk.

“Alright, let's get this party started!”

Was the last thing anyone had said for over an hour, aside from Alex asking Jean if she was crying when baby Dory popped on the TV. So pretty much, the entire hang out was amazing so far. No complaints, no fighting, and best of all, you didn’t receive a single sidewards look.

Your phone buzzes in your pocket, drawing your attention from the movie and you turn the brightness on your phone down as if you’re in a movie theatre to check the notification. A text from Professor Lehnsherr.

Metal Head: Have you received my email? I’ve been worried.

You: Sorry I’ve been busy. I’m fine now though. My computer is in my room so I haven’t seen it.

Metal Head: Well when you get the chance, please check the attachments I’ve sent you asap.

You: Alright.

“Everything okay?” Kurt asks, crawling close to you as you begin to stand up from the floor.

“Yea, just Mr. Lehnsherr asked me to check my email asap, which also means now.”

“You’re probably the only person who doesn’t just call him Magneto.” He adds on. “Can I come with you? I’ve never been in your room.”

“It’s nothing special, but sure.” You both stand up, and you head for the door with him behind you. Opening the door and heading straight to your room.

As soon as you get inside and close the door behind Kurt, you open the laptop that’s sitting on your bed and you punch in the password to check your emails.

“It’s actually really… woodsy in here.” Kurt tells you, looking around your room in astonishment. “It’s funny how every student's room has a different vibe, yours smells like pine.” He sits next to you on the bed, the side of his thigh touching yours.

“He just sent me a bunch of attachments, he’s been really into my work on nanotech so whenever he has a question he emails them to me.” You shrug, typing back a response to his question saying ‘does nanotech make a sound?’

As you type out the response and finish sending it. Kurt speaks again. “What is that whirring sound?” He asks, looking down at you and you look up at him after closing your screen. Your faces uncomfortably close.

“I actually have no idea. It’s been happening since last night, I just assumed whoever's my neighbour got something that makes that sound or maybe the AC is acting up.” You shrug and he stands up, his pointy ears twitching slightly as he picks up your build-a-bear.

“Nobody is in that room… The student who was sleeping there left a few months ago.” He tells you and you slowly get off the bed. Approaching him as he holds the bear. “Y/N… Where did you get this?” You gently take the bear in your hands.

“From the mall… There’s a build-a-bear shop there.”

“The day you went with Professor Howlett?”

“Yes.” You squint your eyes in confusion. “Was this always there…?” You mumble.

“I don’t know, was it?” Kurt asks, looking down at the little bear's right eye which seemed to have a spec of a glowing red spot on it.

Some panic gets to you, setting deep in your stomach, making you want to vomit. Who would put a camera in your bear? You ask yourself, and Kurt verbally asks the same question. “I don’t know… I’m going to bring it to Professor Howlett though… He’s the one that helped me stuff it.” Kurt only nods, and you wrap the bear in a shirt before putting it on the shelf in your closet and closing the door, leaving the camera to watch the dark…

[eamour]

feeling the wish fulfilled.

if you have read and consumed some of neville goddard's works, you will already be familiar with the word "feeling". when speaking of "feeling it real" or "feeling your desires to be yours", it is not an emotion that we are referring to. "feeling", here, means to know something for a fact.

feeling it real.

when you "feel" something to be real, you don’t try to "get" it, you don’t think that there is still "work" that needs to be done, you don’t "try" or "attempt" to manifest something, you don’t "pray“, "hope", "worry" or "wonder" if it’s going to occur in your reality, you don’t feel "unsure", "trapped", or "confused". the reason why you won’t feel any of these things is because you have managed to feel your desire to be yours. you cannot be convinced of the opposite. you have created an unshakable experience within that cannot be taken from you — a new belief of yours has been established!

perception with senses.

to "feel" usually implies your perception with the senses. you will use all of your senses — but within your mind — and recreate the same experience you would have if you were to experience it physically. to make your desire as vivid, as touchable, as perceivable as possible will help you make it feel real. the moment you free yourself and allow yourself to feel the way you would want to feel, you will lose yourself in it. eventually, you will start to feel relieved, empowered and secure. why? because you have accepted this imaginal act to be reality. your reality.

its transformative power.

you may question the power and effect of this way of "feeling" but it will and has to change you. the moment you bask in the feeling, the acceptance and the liberation that come along, you will begin to shift. your mind will begin to change and therefore your very environment. at the end of the day, your feeling portrays a shift of a state. every state is a feeling that you can move in and out of. it’s a coat you can choose to wear or take off.

to feel means to let go.

in order to feel it real, to feel the wish fulfilled, you will have to let go of something: the world around you. you will have to let go of reminding yourself of the looks of your current reality and leave it as it is. don’t even try to fix it, but let go of your worries, your obstacles in life, the limitations and restrictions in it, and allow yourself to perceive, experience and accept whatever it is that you want to have to be yours. only through the art of removing yourself from the outside and feeling like a part of it, you will begin to understand that the outside is actually just a part of you, a part that you've got in your hands.

the challenging part.

now, the difficulty in this is disregarding your logical mind, your rational and realistic (whatever the hell that means) way of thinking. you will have to accept your imaginative acts, your inner conversations to be reality — not for your outer world to determine your inner world. the more you do this, it does not only get easier, you will also ease your anxiety and let go of your fear... but you must be willing to grant yourself greater feelings.

dare to feel it.

dare to imagine and feel the things you would want to feel. expand your former limits or give them up entirely. get rid of rules and forget about how the outer-world has once appeared. and most importantly, don’t be afraid to do so. don’t be afraid to use your mind’s power. if you find it hard to do so, then you are still attached to your senses who can only give you a limited outlook on a limited reality.

practice the feeling.

start simple. think of a scenario you would like to experience. visualise or just think of it. and now, ask yourself "how would i feel if i was to experience this?". you may feel resistant at first, maybe even ridiculous or delusional, but just permit yourself to feel it for some time. go back to that scenario and go deeper. "how do i look like? who am i with? what is it that i own? what am i doing? what's happening to me?". and then, the most important question: "what if this was my reality now?". i want you to rephrase this question and form a sentence. your "what if" becomes a "this is", the same way your "this would feel" becomes a "this feels". i want you to declare that this — the scenario you have felt — is factual. it’s true. it’s a reflection of your reality, RIGHT NOW. after all, this is what distinguishes creation from daydreaming.

with love and lots of feeling, ella.

[ronpatrash]

when you're bi and your friends are hot

[normalbrothers]

CHARLIE: She came back with a white pony. The one she gave to you. You used to ride it around, remember? [Tommy shakes his head] Well, she seemed happy for a bit watching you ride it. And then she was gone. And none of it made any sense. Afterwards, whenever I looked at that white pony, I saw her ...

[umbraticstickerz]

Alex and Winfrey!

Winfrey is a nightmare to draw lol, ended up fully shading them. Still had fun though! Sorry that Alex looks a bit off I was struggling to think of a position to draw them in and it kinds got all messed up but I'm too tired to fix anything.

[starcurtain]

I do agree with all the stuff you said in your body language post about aventurine, but there was an instance in 2.3 where he was standing right next to boothill when you meet with him and boothill, and obviously boothill isn't close to aventurine at all. Do you think this is an exception just because they were in the same room together and devs had to make them stand together so trailblazer could converse w/ them both?

I think it's just because they're not actually in the same room together.

In 2.3, Aventurine showed up only as a hologram. He's probably in his own room alone, actually. And I'm not sure that he could walk away as hologram, even if he wanted to. 😂

That said, it isn't that he never has any up-close conversations; it's just that he has way less of them than other characters do.

As another aside, I also think that Boothill is the kind of person who would absolutely go "The heck you tryin' to talk to me from the other side of the room for?!" And he would just walk right up on Aventurine with zero hesitation.

The space bubble does not exist for him lolol.