#see. personally i like when he gets a little cryptic and weird with it

[gromky]

he’s fine actually

The Avalanches//Frontier Psychiatrist

[honestlyvan]

ALAN WAKE 2 ANNOTATED: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT WEIRD FINNISH GUY SAYING

(This post is also available on Dreamwidth)

Preamble: What is this?

There’s a lot of Finnish shit in Alan Wake 2. I speak Finnish. I’m really annoyed about how wrong about some of the things that are in Finnish in the game people actually are. @drdarling is an Ahti fan. We’re mutually annoyed about how wrong about Ahti people are, because in general the trend is people thinking Ahti is spooky and mysterious because they don’t know what he’s saying, rather than thinking he’s spooky and mysterious because of the things he’s saying.

So Autumn went through the entire game, transcribing Ahti’s dialogue, and I went through the transcript, translating everything untranslated in the game, and providing cultural context for the rest of it (with some saves from @saikkunen, @rhpurasu-blog, and my mum), because truly this dude is not nearly as cryptic as people make him out to be, and is actually twice as weird as people think he is as a result.

Disclaimer: Finnish is very regional, and even with people from all over pitching in, some of the shit Ahti says might still be idioms we’re not familiar with. If you’re a Finnish person reading this going “HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS”, trust me that I had many moments like that while putting this together, and please leave a comment so I can add your insight :D

This post is going to go through all of Initiation, followed by all of Return. There's unmarked spoilers past the cut -- enter at your own risk.

INITIATION 1: LATE NIGHT

First meeting with Ahti as Alan:

Ah, (no niin) there you are, Tom. Not so much evil that not a bit of good as well. Not one without the other. Good to see you.

“No niin” -- utterance, roughly the same as “alright” or “now then”. “No” is a common filler word like “well.”

“Not so much evil that not a bit of good as well.” – “ei niin paljon pahaa ettei jotain hyvääkin”, a common Finnish turn of phrase. Broadly has the same meaning as “silver linings.”

Alan asks Ahti to point him towards the exit:

(No totta helvetissä.) Of course, Tom. The work will instruct its maker. I was gonna get something from the basement for you, but you can get it yourself now. The more cooks the worse the soup.

“No totta helvetissä” – “(in Hell), of course”, a variation on the phrase “totta kai”, meaning “certainly” or “of course”

“The work will instructs its maker” – “työ tekijäänsä opettaa”, common proverb. “You learn things by doing them.”

“The more cooks the worse the soup” – “mitä useampi kokki, sitä huonompi soppa”, common proverb, same as “too many cooks spoils the broth”

Alan asks Ahti what Ahti wants him to get from the basement and clarifies that his name is Alan, not Tom:

(No joo, mutta katopa kun) a man’s a man but a man with a tool makes two, Tom. (Eikö niin?) And a man with a tool can build his own exit. It’s in a shoebox in the basement where you left it. Safe as in the Lord’s purse. Here’s the key.

“No joo, mutta katopa kun” – “see, here’s the thing (with that) is”

“a man’s a man but a man with a tool makes two” – this may be an obscure saying, my whole gaggle of Finnish friends were equally stumped by it. Entirely possible it’s just those little shits from Espoo fucking with us, entirely possible that it’s a variation on a saying that we’re just not picking up on.

“Eikö niin?” – “isn’t it so?”/”Right?” a filler phrase. (It is very common for people to say this right after saying something that makes no fucking sense.)

“Safe as in the Lord’s purse.” – idiomatic, comes from the Bible (1 Samuel 25:29)

Alan asks Ahti if they have met before:

You remember Ahti. The janitor. You can’t be lost if you don’t worry about where you are headed. So don’t worry Tom, the sun will shine even into a heap of twigs. Just remember to turn on the lights. It won’t take long when you get to work.

“You remember Ahti. The janitor.” – the intonation of this line implies to me that in Finnish he’d be using emphatic -han/-hän for it

“You can’t be lost if you don’t worry about where you are headed.” – may be an obscure saying, none of us recognised it.

“the sun will shine even into a heap of twigs” – “paistaa se päivä risukasaankin”, everyone has their little successes, “every dog has its day”

“It won’t take long when you get to work” – “ei mene kauaa kunhan pääsee alkuun”, “as long as you get started it won’t take long (for the matter to resolve)”

Alan asks Ahti if he knows a way to escape The Dark Place:

He who moans about his troubles, is the prisoner of his troubles. It’s not easy to get out. But don’t you worry, Tom, the home is still there, where the heart is. I often think about it when I mop the floor and look into the puddle. Water is the memory of the world. Water finds its way.

“He who moans about his troubles, is the prisoner of his troubles.“ – “Joka murheistaan valittaa, on murheidensa vanki”, common proverb. Finnish people love telling other people to stop complaining.

INITIATION 4: WE SING

After the musical sequence, when you walk past Ahti in the studio:

My Swedish brothers, (perkele). (Ai että nyt on kyllä joo). (Lattoi pojat jenkkakoneet soimaan, saatana).

“Perkele” – “(by) the Devil”, one of the most common Finnish swear words.

“Ai että nyt on kyllä joo” – Untranslatable, can be approximated as “now we’re talking”, “that’s more like it”, or “a hell of a thing”. I love this phrase because it means fuck-all even in Finnish, and conveys a sense of deep appreciation regardless.

“Lattoi pojat jenkkakoneet soimaan, saatana” – literally “Those boys really made the jenkka machine ring, (by) Satan.” “Jenkkakone” refers to the band, playing a song for people to dance “jenkka”, a fast-paced folk dance to. (Addition from @sluiba: jenkkakone is a colloquial term for a jukebox, nowadays more commonly used to refer to audio equipment more broadly e.g. speakers; so he's basically saying, "those boys really turned it up to eleven".)

INITIATION 7: MASKS

When Alan runs into the janitor’s closet:

Hurry, Tom! Here is the light at the end of the tunnel. (Jumalauta), that held you close, Tom. (Ei muuta kun) onwards, said the granny in the snow. When the panic is biggest, the help is also near.

“Jumalauta” – “god help us/you”, a common swear word

“that held you close” – “otti läheltä”, meaning about the same as “a close call”. A more literal translation would be “that took close”.

“Ei muuta kun” – “nothing else to do about it, but”

“onwards, said the granny in the snow.” – “eteenpäin, sanoi mummo lumessa”, a common turn of phrase, an motivational expression of perseverance and sisu

“When the panic is biggest, the help is also near” – “kun hätä on suurin, on apukin lähellä”, a common turn of phrase, broadly means the same thing as “there is light at the end of the tunnel”, can be thought of as a more optimistic companion to “things will get worse before they get better”

(I like this block of dialogue a lot because it demonstrates that a lot of Ahti’s Finnish is just filler words and a tonal component to what he is actually saying.)

Alan mentions that Door didn’t seem happy to see him this time:

Fearing the master is the root of wisdom. But don’t let the game get you down. He is playing his role. Maybe put him in your films, Tom, like you have put me. (Perkele! Sehän olisikin).

“Fearing the master is the root of wisdom.” – “herran pelko on viisauden alku”, the fear of the lord (or rather, The Lord) is the beginning of wisdom. It’s an interesting choice to omit the reference to the Christian god, because it’s preserved in other phrases.

“Perkele! Sehän olisikin” – “(by) the Devil! Wouldn’t that be something.”

Alan asks what films Ahti is talking about:

I’m a fan of your masterworks. There is “Tom the Poet”, my favorite. And “Yötön Yö” is the most famous one, of course. And is it true what I hear, that it’s coming back to cinemas soon? Is there a bottom to this rumor?

“Is there a bottom to this rumor?” – “olla pohjaa”, to have a bottom, means “to have a factual basis”.

Alan says he needs to get back to his apartment, asks if Ahti can help:

Well-planned is half-done. You asked me to make sure you won’t forget the… (mikä se valokuva oli) light pictures, the photos that your artist wife took. They are waiting in the shoebox in the basement. What you leave behind, you find in front of you.

“Well-planned is half-done” – “hyvin suunniteltu on puoliksi tehty”, a common turn of phrase. What it says on the tin.

“mikä se valokuva oli” – “what was the word for ‘valokuva’ again”, a relatable bilingual moment. The Finnish word for photograph is literally just a compound word that directly translates to “light picture”.

“What you leave behind, you find in front of you.” – “minkä taakseen jättää, sen edestään löytää”, what goes around comes around.

He also has incidental dialogue, if you hang around after the conversation

I am looking forward to seeing “Yötön Yö” in the cinema, but first I work. And the work won’t end even when you do it (perkele). (No ei siinä), one potato at a time. Just remember, Tom - the brave will eat the pea soup.

“No ei siinä” – “well, nothing else to it”

“the work won’t end even when you do it” – “ei työ tekemällä lopu”, common proverb, warning against rushing and working too hard (because you won’t run out of work through hard work)

“one potato at a time” – “yksi peruna kerrallaan”. This one is so funny to me because he could have just said “one thing at a time”, since that phrase translates literally, and instead he says this just so sound slightly more Finnish.

“the brave will eat the pea soup” – “rohkea rokan syö”, a common proverb, used the same way as “fortune favours the bold”

RETURN 5: OLD GODS

At Valhalla Nursing Home, after Rose tells Ahti that he doesn’t need to clean, this is his home, and threatens to take his mop away even though she knows he would just find it again:

(Kyllä, kyllä mutta) once after being told no. Why rest, when you are born to work. (Eikö niin?)

“Kyllä, kyllä mutta” – “yeah, yeah, but”, exactly as “yeah yeah whatever” as you’d think it is.

“once after being told no.” – “kerta kiellon päälle”, a common idiom, to do something one last time before stopping for good. “One for the road”

“Why rest, when you are born to work” – possibly an obscure saying, the version I grew up with is “why rest when you are born to work hard (like a farmhand)”.

Rose tells Ahti to go pick a song from the jukebox, as a treat:

Yes box, holiday. Just thinking about it makes my dance foot waggle. (Kyllä näin on).

“Yes box, holiday” – This is a reference to Pirkka-Pekka Petelius, a Finnish sketch comedian from the Eighties. “Jees” is a loanword from the English “yes”, meaning “good, decent, alright”. The original append was far more vulgar, translating more properly to “yes box, dick face”

“makes my dance foot waggle” – “tanssijalka vipattamaan”, a common turn of phrase, means “makes you want to dance/makes you start dancing” depending on the context.

“Kyllä näin on.” – “That’s the way it is”, common filler phrase.

Saga introduces herself:

(No eipä siinä). Name won’t make the man worse, even a Swedish name. I’m Ahti.

“No eipä siinä” – filler phrase, same as “No ei siinä”

“Name won’t make the man worse” – “ei nimi miestä pahenna”, a common proverb, similar in meaning as “don’t judge a book by its cover”

Saga asks if there’s anything good on the jukebox:

We try to do good, but only prime comes out. Music from my Swedish brothers, Old Gods of Asgard. My pals, the (perkeleen) vikings, (perkele).

“We try to do good, but only prime comes out.” – “Hyvää koitetaan tehä mut priimaa tuloo”. This is a very specifically Bothnian turn of phrase, he’s just bragging about the Old Gods making good music.

“(perkeleen) vikings” – “Perkele” being used as an adjective for emphasis.

Saga asks where to find the Andersons:

You can never know where. Only a seaman can know that, but even the seaman can’t know everything.

“Only a seaman can know that” – this is also an honest to god pop culture reference, to a song called “Vain merimies voi tietää” (“Only the sailor knows”) by Tapio Rautavaara.

Saga asks if Ahti was in the band:

(Minäkö?) No no. (Perkele, saatana, en ollu en). Not so much sweet that it fills the whole stomach. But we have shared a stage or two.

“Minäkö? Perkele, saatana, en ollu en.” – “Me? (Perkele, saatana), absolutely not.” “Me” in the interrogative has a slightly dismissive/diminutive vibe in Finnish.

“Not so much sweet that it fills the whole stomach.” – “ei makiaa mahan täydeltä”, a classic turn of phrase about not overindulging.

Ahti’s incidental dialogue, hanging out by the jukebox as Saga:

Rain is coming down like from the ass of Esteri. (Vaikka vettähän ne kyllä lupasikin, että…)

“Rain is coming down like from the ass of Esteri” – “vettä tulee kuin Esterin perseestä”, same as “raining cats and dogs”

“Vaikka vettähän ne kyllä lupasikin, että…” – “Although (they, the weather forecast) did promise it would rain, so…”

Rushing is not good for you and hurry is not an honor. (Lietkö olet tämmöistä kuullut.)

“Rushing is not good for you and hurry is not an honor” – “ei ole hoppu hyväksi eikä kiire kunniaksi”, a very common idiom. What it says on the tin.

“Lietkö olet tämmöistä kuullut” – “I wonder if you’ve heard (of) such a thing”, he’s just making fun of Saga for being “hasty.”

(Joo näinhän se menee, että…) the lazy man gets sweaty when he eats and gets chilly when he works. (Se oli kyllä hyvin sanottu.) The song revives the soul.

“Joo näinhän se menee, että” – a filler phrase, similar meaning as saying “as they say”.

“the lazy man gets sweaty when he eats and gets chilly when he works” – “hiki laiskan syödessä, vilu työtä tehdessä”, a common proverb excoriating people for laziness.

“Se oli kyllä hyvin sanottu” – “That was well said”. This whole exchange comes across as Ahti trying to impart some words of wisdom to Saga.

After the power goes out, Ahti has dialogue upstairs:

No use crying in the dark place. What has been, has gone. But trouble doesn’t look like this! You can go to the basement and check the generator. But look out - you can never know in which tree the devil sits.

“No use crying in the dark place.” – This is most likely a deliberate play on words from Ahti. The relevant Finnish proverb is “ei auta itku markkinoilla” (there’s no use crying at the marketplace) which means it’s pointless to waste time feeling sorry for yourself.

“What has been, has gone.” – “ollutta ja mennyttä”, usually this phrase is used the same way as “water under the bridge”

“But trouble doesn’t look like this!” – “ei hätä ole tämän näköinen”, common turn of phrase communicating that the situation is not as bad as it seems.

“you can never know in which tree the devil sits.” – “ei sitä koskaan tiedä missä puussa piru istuu”, common proverb. The word used for devil, “piru”, refers to a folk devil or an evil spirit rather than a capital-letter Devil the way “Saatana” and “Perkele” do.

Ahti jumpscare at the Spiral door:

Getting in is forbidden, for your own safety. Time is long for those who wait. But in the end, stand the thanks.

“Time is long for those who wait” – “odottavan aika on pitkä”, common turn of phrase. Same meaning as “time is slow for those who wait”.

“in the end, stand the thanks.” – “lopussa kiitos seisoo”, common turn of phrase. Similar meaning as “good things come to those who wait.” The word for “thanks” can also be used to mean “reward”.

Saga asks Ahti is he knows anything about the Cult of the Tree:

Yes, yes! He who reaches for a spruce tree will stumble into a juniper. Blum was one of them. He has kicked empty. I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes. But I like his shoes.

“He who reaches for a spruce tree will stumble into a juniper.” – “joka kuuseen kurkottaa se katajaan kapsahtaa”, a common proverb about (edited by suggestion from Sluiba again) the dangers of excessive ambition and greed.

“He has kicked empty.” – “potkaissut tyhjää”, common idiom, "kicked the bucket"

Saga asks Ahti how he knows Blum was in the Cult:

A fox never runs out of tricks. Tease a crazy man and he will show his ways. Blum liked to talk.

“A fox never runs out of tricks “ – “ei ketulta keinot lopu”, proverb. Foxes are traditionally tricksters in Finnish folklore.

“Tease a crazy man and he will show his ways “ – “härnää hullua, saat tapansa tietää”, proverb. In essence, “fuck around and find out.”

Saga asks Ahti if he knows where Anger’s Remorse is, after finding the empty record sleeve:

The matter is not my business, (mutta niin, sanotaanko vaikka, että) but she who steals a needle, steals a nail. Wonders of the modern world - music captured on vinyl, on tape. What will they come up with next? (Mitähän ne vielä keksii) I’m a man of the old union.

“mutta niin, sanotaanko vaikka, että” – “but, yeah, let’s just say”

“but she who steals a needle, steals a nail.” – “Joka varastaa neulan, varastaa naulan”, an old proverb. I’d like to note that Finnish does not have gendered pronouns, so Ahti is deliberately giving a hint here. (Addition from @sluiba: "[the proverb] suggests that someone unscrupulous enough to steal small things will likely also steal something bigger.")

“Mitähän ne vielä keksii” – “what (else) are they going to come up with”

“I’m a man of the old union.” – “Vanhan liiton mies”, a biblical reference to the covenant in the Old Testament. He’s basically calling himself older than Christ. The phrase itself is used to mean "old-fashioned" in a positive sense.

Weird idle dialogue in Ahti’s room after this:

There are pieces of george on the floor everywhere. The black stuff. Shitty thing. Very bad. I need to clean it all away. (Perkele, kun sotketaan joka paikka)!

“pieces of george” – very sneaky, he’s saying it look like someone threw up (yrjötä, the name “Yrjö” being a Finnish form of George) on the floor.

“Perkele, kun sotketaan joka paikka” – “(Perkele), what a mess they’ve made of everything!”

(Kulkaapa nyt, mikä…) (Mitäs, mikä paikka tämä on?) (Voi helvetti soikoon). Where am I? (Tämä ei ole minun koti). This is not my home. (Minä haluan…) I want to go home now. What is this place? (Ei saatana. Ei saatana!) How did I get here? I’m lost… lost at sea. No lighthouse anywhere, and a storm is coming. (Voi jumalauta).

“Kulkaapa nyt, mikä… Mitäs, mikä paikka tämä on?” – “listen here, what… Where, what is this place?”

“Voi helvetti soikoon” – cursing, literally translates to “oh, how Hell rings (like a bell)”

“Tämä ei ole minun koti. Minä haluan…” – “This is not my home. I want…”

RETURN 8: DEERFEST

Alan goes to the Spiral Door in the Dark Place and sees Ahti there:

We loop around, and come together, Tom. I have put everything ready for the visitors. I’ll come to wash the floor of your room next. All you need is water and Vileda. Water is the oldest balm. Water finds its way. What water brings, it takes away. It can be clean or dirty, it can give life or drown it.

“We loop around, and come together” – “ympäri käydään, yhteen tullaan”, a common turn of phrase. “What goes around comes around.”

“All you need is water and Vileda.” – Vileda is a popular cleaning supplies brand. He’s quoting an advertisement.

“Water is the oldest balm.” – “vesi vanhin voitehista”, from Kalevala. What it says on the tin.

Alan asks if Ahti can help him find his way one last time:

Now there’s a devil in the fish trap. Don’t be spooked by it so that shit won’t start beating your underpants. Okay, I’ll get the door open for you, Tom. There you go. The matter is a steak. Now comes the end of the rhyme.”

“there’s a devil in the fish trap” – “olla piru merrassa”, an idiom. It means that there’s unfortunate consequences for something you did, similar to “a devil to pay”

“Don’t be spooked by it so that shit won’t start beating your underpants” – “älä säiky ettei lyö paskat housuihin”, would be more properly translated as “so that shit doesn’t drop hard into your pants”. Means the same thing as it does in English.

“The matter is a steak.” – “asia on pihvi”, idiom meaning that something has been exhaustively dealt with, the way you make steak out of a cow.

“Now comes the end of the rhyme” – “tuli lorun loppu”, idiom with a similar meaning and implication as “end of the line”, the expected end of the current circumstances.

And that’s a wrap! If there’s interest, and if I can get an assist from Autumn again, I might go back to Control and do the same thing for Ahti there. The point is to do justice to our collective weird uncle from the Remedy Connected Universe. Hope you had fun and learned something new :D

[happiest-hotch]

Dinner for Three

Summary: Going to the BAU with the intention of dragging your boyfriend away from working all night proves to be a good decision when you meet a team member of his who needs some cheering up based on the ending scene of 11x09 with an Aaron Hotchner x reader component

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader (fluff)

Word Count: 1.7k

Content Warning: a very slight sexual reference

You're slightly disappointed when you get Aaron's call.

He'd left the BAU early that night to pick you up for your 8 pm dinner date. It hadn't worked, and he texted you something cryptic about a new case involving a longer-running case that concerned the team's technical analyst.

As always, he was incredibly apologetic, calling you as soon as he had a chance, but you don't mind. You know how important his job is and the sacrifices he has to make. Plus, the other times this has happened, he more than made it up to you, proving to be the sweet boyfriend you know he is.

He texts you the next night to let you know they're still working, but he's okay and in Virginia. It's so late that you don't get a chance to text him back until the morning, and you're just hoping he got some sleep during the night, but it doesn't seem likely.

On the second night, he's more upbeat, delivering the good news about his case closing. Oddly, you don't get another message that he's on his way into DC.

With your own profiling effort, you deduce he went to the BAU and got stuck into his paperwork, no doubt putting eating and sleeping at the bottom of his priority list. As a diligent girlfriend, you're walking out the door of your apartment to force him to leave to get something to eat before you can overthink about having never been to his office or the possibility he might not want to see you.

After making it through security and proving who you're there to see, you take the elevator to the sixth floor. It's dead silent, probably because it's close to 10 at night.

Aside from the fluorescent overhead lights in the bullpen and the corridor, the only other light on is an office on the left after you step off the elevator.

It has to be Aaron's since he's most likely the only one here, you reason as you walk toward the door. Gently you tap on the doorframe, but the woman inside definitely isn't your boyfriend.

There are personal belongings in the office, clothing, and boxes scattered on the sofa and table, and two suitcases on the floor, like someone's been living out of the office, and judging by the jacket's pattern, it could be the woman in the room.

She jumps when she sees you, and you quickly apologize. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

She shakes her head. "No. No, it's okay."

Then you realize it's weird that you're just standing there without an explanation, a total stranger. "I'm looking for Aaron Hotchner."

Nervousness flashes across her features. "Agent Hotchner is due back soon. Sorry, who are you?"

It's a question you expected, knowing you might bump into other agents, despite hoping you wouldn't. Aaron has told you about how he keeps his personal life, and therefore you, further away from his professional life than he used to, and you're not sure he'd want his team to know who you are.

You also should have anticipated the suspicion in her voice since people out there want to hurt them and could find their way into the offices to do so.

"His...friend." You settle on. It doesn't even sound right to say anymore. "Although, if he said that about me, he'd be in trouble." You joke mostly to yourself.

She looks more excited now, grinning like a little kid who's found a secret block of chocolate. "I'm Penelope Garcia, the BAU's technical analyst."

"Oh, of course. Aaron talks a lot about you." You tell her, putting a face to the stories as you shake her hand. "I'm Y/n L/n."

"The reason he smiles every time he checks his phone nowadays?" She asks, now eager.

Heat rises to your cheeks. You've seen the smile Penelope's talking about when you catch Aaron looking at you before he bashfully looks away. It's adorable and heartwarming to think about him doing it around his colleagues and probably trying to hide it.

"Sometimes." You downplay it. "It could be him getting a picture of Jack."

She shakes her head. "No, he shows us those. Texts ding on his phone, and he tries to hide his smile, and that's how we know it's not BAU-related. Theories about what they are and who they're from is the hottest gossip around here."

"It better be me then." You say, although you have no doubts that it is. "Otherwise, he's got some explaining to do."

Penelope laughs lightly. "Don't worry. He's about as loyal as they come."

You had come to that conclusion by yourself, but it's good to have it verified by someone who has known him for over a decade.

She catches your eyes wandering around the room and explains it. "I don't know how much you know, but I'm on lockdown here until further notice."

"Aaron mentioned it vaguely." You tell her. "I'm sorry. It must suck." It's not the most aesthetically pleasing home with bleak concert walls, generic lamps, and no closet. She's provided you with information about Aaron's whereabouts and character, so it's your turn to try and help her. "This couch wouldn't look as bad with some sheets, and I'm sure you've got some decorations. I can help. Only if you'd like, no pressure."

Instantly, she sees the optimistic side of you that Aaron admires and loves. "Yeah." Penelope agrees slowly. "Thank you."

She hasn't wanted to take anything out of her bags because it means this nightmare would be real, but you're offering to help, and she realizes she could do with a friend. If she happened to stumble across information about her boss during the process, then so be it. 

You help her brighten up the room, complimenting her comfort decorations.

"So, what's it like to be in a relationship with Aaron Hotchner?" She asks you as she fluffs the throw pillows on the couch, and you hang fairy lights.

After ten minutes of non-Aaron-related talk, you know she's been refraining from asking questions about your relationship. 

"Amazing." You answer effortlessly. "He's..." You trail off from your sentence when someone clears their throat, and you turn around to see your handsome but tired-looking boyfriend standing in the doorway. "Hey."

His expression softens seeing you there, but his features show confusion. "Hey." He returns while acknowledging Penelope with a nod as he steps further into the room. The hand not holding his briefcase comes to rest on your lower back, and you lean into his warmth. "What are you doing here?"

You weren't expecting him to show you physical affection in front of people he knows, but it's a welcomed surprise. "I thought I'd come and convince you not to sit at your desk doing paperwork all night."

He avoids being very unprofessional and asking exactly how you planned to distract him since you're under the careful observation of Penelope, who's memorizing your interaction to repeat to the team tomorrow. 

"There are still a few things we need to go over, Garcia," Aaron says to her. About the case they just closed, you figure, but it can't be overwhelmingly good news because he wouldn't stretch out telling her that she's safe. "Are you going to be okay?"

You admire her bravery as she nods with tears filling her vision. "I'm gonna make myself a vegetarian omelet for dinner." She says before pausing. "Do you both want to stay?" She quickly backtracks. "Forget that. You've probably got places to be, sorry."

Aaron looks to you for your judgment, and although he's letting you decide since this would typically be time you two spend together, there's an answer he would prefer. 

"No, we've got nothing planned, and I'm starving." You confirm. Penelope's face lights up, the sadness she's holding onto about her new living quarters feeling less heavy. "Do you have jalapenos?" 

"Do I have jalapenos?" She repeats, suggesting an obvious answer. She moved to grab the ingredients. "I should let you know that I have had a love affair with all things hot and spicy since I was, like, 12."

You smile at her delight as Aaron takes the chopping board she handed him with a bowl full of jalapenos. "Maybe the more important question is will you judge me for putting them on my food even if they make me cry a little?" You ask, nudging Aaron, who knows the incident you're referencing.

She looks at him in horror before turning back to you. "Is there any other way to eat them?" She asks.

"Someone." You nod to Aaron, who's getting to work on his task. "Eats spicy food without even tearing up."

He snorts out a laugh. "You weren't crying 'a little.'" He reminds you, defending himself playfully. "It was full-on crying with mascara tracks down your cheeks. You should have seen her, Penelope." He continues. "Seriously, I thought we were about to get kicked out of that restaurant. The waitress was so concerned." He laughs at the memory. He concluded that night that your crying with pleasure tendency is much better when it's only the two of you.

You lightly hit him on the shoulder to scold him before letting your hand linger to test the boundaries. He relaxes under your touch, muscles relaxing a little.

"It's a natural reaction." You jokingly argue back. "I'm on a spicy food ban at restaurants now." You inform Penelope.

"Oh, you've got to come to the next pasta night at Rossi's." She tells you. "It's the best food you can get, no jalapenos involved."

You look to Aaron for permission, not wanting to agree to something if he doesn't want you around his friends. He smiles lightly at you, now knowing introducing you and merging two parts of his life isn't as risky as he thought it might be.

"I'd love that." You agree. "Ready for that, Aaron?"

"Please agree." Penelope jumps in. "They'll love her. Don't worry." She assures you. "I'll make sure the team knows how perfect you are for him." 

Aaron chuckles beside you. "I don't doubt that." 

There's a double meaning that you and Aaron catch. Most obviously, Aaron knows the team will find out about your dinner together and probably learn every detail about you that they can before you officially meet, and additionally, he doesn't have any doubts that you're perfect for him.

[strawberrysnoopy]

ACT ONE: The Photoshoot, Part Three of Four

prologue, part one, part two. warnings: tobacco, smoking, alcohol use, briefest mention of using alcohol as a coping mechanism, mentions of infidelity (as always), ada slander at times (sorry), texting for a while, leon's a bit of a perv,

author's note: btw I left the husband without a name so there's no overlap on you and your husband having the same name and you live in new york due to the modeling thing. I also try my hardest to keep the reader ambiguous because I realize that skinny, quirky, white girls aren't the only ones that read this series: if there's anything you'd like to recommend or change in the writing to be more reader-friendly, drop in my inbox and let me know! :) thank you guys so much for all the reblogs and 100 FOLLOWERS AHHH!! thank you thank you thank you!

The warmth of your fingers working against his cool and paled skin had him melting like a runny ice cream cone in your hands. His hand was on your hip, rubbing loving circles like he was trying to commit the warm feel of your flesh into his memory. This was the type of life he envisioned when he was younger: married to someone he loved deeply with every crevice of his being. He thought Ada was the person for him, but that was such a costly and emotionally unbalanced guess. "Thank you, honey." You nod in response, applying the rest of the stitching to his busted lip. His hands dare to move a little higher on your hips, squeezing your waist and getting some sick pleasure out of the way your breath stopped in embarrassment. The scene was perfect, just a good ol’ friend taking care of her busted up pal. Leon hated that he couldn’t find you earlier, sooner, before he could even lay eyes on Ada Wong. She had her charms, sure, but there was something about the soft lull of your presence, how gentle you were, how caring you could be with others that had his heart fluttering in his chest. He still can't believe out of all the places he could've met you, it was at a store while you were buying a bottle of wine for yourself and your husband. "Met" would have to be an overrated word in his dictionary. The truth was that Leon had first laid eyes upon you in a magazine. They had released their February shoot that show-cased entrepreneurial photographers on the rise, climbing their way to the top without a care in the world who they scratched on their way there. You happened to be the diamond in the rough, making everyone else's cliche photographs of "lust" or "revenge" or "innocence" themes seem drab. Your theme? Limerence. Beautiful, simmering, and chilling limerence. Your hair was pieced together lazily but curled neatly, wearing simple yet cryptic tops and little boy shorts that lovingly cradled your ass. The rookie photographer that snapped your photos had done a stellar job at making it seem like you were one of those once in a lifetime girls you met in college. He still had the magazine of course, stashed away in the depths of his closet: kept in pristine condition like a filthy little secret he loved to indulge in. "So..." He muses. He feels the little pause in your work, his eyes crinkling with amusement. "How long have you known? About your husband's infidelity?" You've always known. The first? A college girl in the first year of your "official" relationship Bubbly and vibrant and a fucking joy to be around. The kind of girl you see on ABC's 20/20 or some other type of true crime prime-time film. Your husband claimed it was a drunk hook-up. And the first time, you believed him. The second? A school teacher that looked, acted, and talked exactly like you. Maybe she was your long lost twin or some weird rip in the fabric of time and she happened to pop out. He claimed he was mad at you for the way you did laundry. You forgave him a second time, but you'd surely have a knife to his throat the third time.

"A while. It's just like some weird fact I live with, I guess. Like you have some chronic disease and it's something you deal with from time to time." He nodded, bringing your hand up to his mouth and pressing a soft kiss to your palm. He knows you don't deserve that. Nobody deserves that. Yet, he always wondered why you stayed. Your husband was an asshole, although that shouldn't be a term that leaves his lips due to the fact he's supposedly your husband's best bud, but for the sake of doing the holy honor of defending you: he was a cheating dick that didn't deserve to be maritally bound to a woman such as yourself. "Wouldn't you get a divorce? I don't mean to be like...rude or anything but I would've thought that you're the type of woman to leave his ass once he cheats." And you were. Headstrong, confident, and self-assured—he's never seen an insecure model before, or maybe that's some weird stereotype he's made in his head unconsciously. "It's a tough situation." And that's all you have to say about your marriage. He nodded, understanding your reluctance to speak on the subject. He can't say he's any different from you either considering his marriage to Ada, the very reason he can't be with you. Especially so intimately. It’s hard. The safety of it all. Having someone next to you at all times despite the shitty relationship. He knew.

Now the bathroom is silent. You’re still doctoring up his wounds while he sits up on the marble counter-top. He really wants to say something until you step in for him.

“I can’t believe you fucked my husband up like that.” You say, pulling your hands away from his face to find some more antibiotic cream. He hates that he feels his head moving forward to get your hands back on him. Pathetic. He feels pathetic, especially considering he beat the dog shit out of your husband when you graciously invited him into your home.

“I’m sorry—“ He begins, you stop him once more.

“No. Don’t apologize. I was thanking you.” He nods again, finding the motion of moving his head back and forth too repetitive. “So, thank you.”

He boldly takes your hand in his own, squeezing it and kissing the palm—feeling like he’s turning into a crazy man when your fingertips brush against his lower eyelids and cheeks.

“You’re welcome.” He releases your hand from his own, feeling guilty for not saying more to you. He feels as if you deserve more than silence, and to be honest, with everything you've gone through this week, you definitely do. "I know I said it already but I'm sorry for saying that I wanted to—" He pauses, not wanting to be so crude with his wording but throwing caution to the wind as he had already fucked everything up so far. "Said that I wanted to fuck you, that's not fair to you nor your husband."

"It's okay if you do." His heart pulses in his chest at those words. He had expected you to ignore it, maybe slap him if you were really pissed. But you agreed? What the fuck, it's like he's living in a fucking alternate universe. "It's not a crime to find someone else attractive. The only thing wrong is if you act on it." That was true, but it never took from how much he dreamed about you. The times he's jerked himself off while thinking of your gorgeous body on his mind had grown to a disgusting amount. Hell, it's gotten to a point where he doesn't even fight it anymore and Ada being in the house used to stop him, but not anymore. He'll just go up to the bathroom and rub one out with your magazine in hand. "Then I guess I'm attracted to you." Your cheeks flush red at the admission, flaring a brighter color when his hand grips your hip once more. And tighter, too. Jesus Christ, the way this whole situation had been playing out like a steamy porno. First, your husband was gone in the hospital. Second, Leon was brought into your home. Alone. Third, he admitted he wants to fuck you. No, he has to resist. You were right. It's not wrong to be attracted to someone other than your spouse but you had him wanting to act. Wanting to drag you down to the marital bed you share with your husband and fuck you senseless. "So, do you want to stay the night tonight? Considering your car is broken down and everything." You ask, your tone beautiful and raspy like it always is.

Oh, God. He's gonna fuck you.

tags:@heylesamis, @sweetserial, @iloveyousomuch1989, @galactict3a, @m1sery-busin3ss, @ssulfurr, @julia13123, @nic-stars, @stillhavingdaddyissues, @greywardensaywhat, @ressespearlz, @xqlenkdy, @g0rep1ty, @nomorekerkanymor,

[gamerbearmira]

You know the cryptid au you had in the past with Dolores, Mirabel, and Antonio? How about we have a cryptid family au?

From the villager's perspective they talk normal, act normal, and look normal but up closely…something just seems OFF. When they look at you it’s like they're staring into your soul. Julieta does this the most. 

-

Let’s say cryptic people run on Alma’s side of the family, Pedro knew of course, he knew the first time he met her. He was in the woods and bumped into a tall, lanky, eerie looking woman. They had a stare down for a few seconds.

Pedro was a part of a cryptid/monster hunting/research team and he was told of weird creatures that reside in the woods. Supposedly two twin children got “taken” by one and were presumed killed when they couldn’t be found. 

In the dead of night, while looking for any mysterious creature, he bumped into Alma, which he mistook for a tree. She’s very tall, around seven feet to be precise. 

When they met their eyes, something happened. Pedro didn’t see malice, evil intent, or anything negative. He saw warmth, even with devoid eyes…he saw a person in shock, maybe even a little fear. She wasn’t attacking him, she was backing away, as if even with her tall stature, he would be able to hurt HER. But Pedro didn’t want to hurt her, in fact, he was just curious. 

But before he could say anything, she sped off QUICKLY! 

He tried finding her, night after night, day after day, in the woods. He would scream-

“I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU I JUST WANT TO TALK!”

After a week or two, he found her but not in a way he expected, she was smaller, a bit shorter than him in fact. How the hell did she get smaller?

She seemed a little more angry this time though as she stood between two trees. Mist appeared around her, the whole forest in fact.

“If you think you’re going to come here and hurt my family, you are sadly mistaken” Her voice echoed in the darkness. Her devoid eyes staring straight into his. 

Family? She had a family? Were they like her too?

It dawned on him that she had family around here that were more than likely just like her. Strange.

“I- I don’t want to hurt you-”

“YES YOU DO! DON’T TAKE ME FOR A FOOL! I know what you and your whole team is doing and I won’t stand for it. Take your crap and leave!”

By crap, she meant all the traps they had set up around the forest and weapons she would see them with in town. Guns, machetes, bear traps, bullets filled with either poison or some tranquilizing BS…all the things ANIMALS should be hunted down with. And Alma (including her family) were in fact NOT animals. 

Pedro always saw cryptids as nothing but creatures that should be hunted and killed before they hurt anyone or anyone else. But he was never a man to harm anyone who didn’t deserve it. But…where did those twins go?

This woman seemed civil enough to talk to, maybe she he could talk to her.

“L- Look…I was told two twins got lost in these woods and didn’t come back out. People suspect that they were taken by-”

“Those two children were being abused, so my family took them in. End of story” The first time Alma saw Pedro, she didn’t have a clue who he was, hence why she ran off. But now knowing he was basically out to harm her family, she wouldn’t stand by that.

Abused?...Well, come to think of it, the tears of the mother of the twins did seem a bit fake. And the father didn’t cry at all, he was supposedly “comforting her”.

“You know I can’t just believe that, right?” Pedro raised a brow

Before she could give a reply, a small voice yelled out behind her. A little girl by the sound of it.

“Alma, Alma! You can’t be out here, people are out to hunt-” 

“Elesia! I told YOU not to be out here at night” Alma turned around to stop the girl from going any further.

“Elesia?” Pedro muttered

Alma turned around to meet his eyes, “yes, she’s fine. As well as her brother, happy?!” 

Pedro didn’t know what to say, yes, he was happy the children were okay but…a monster was protecting them? No, the woman in front of him wasn’t a monster, and by the sounds of it, they weren’t either.

“Uh…si”

“Bueno, now leave and take those people with you”

-

After weeks of searching those children were never found and neither were the cryptids. The team left but a few months after that, Pedro went back to the town again…just to visit. 

Alma was so confused as to why he kept coming back for her. At first she just thought he saw her as something to observe and stare at as if she was some science experiment but I turned out to be more than that.

Pedro would visit and stay in her town for a week or two before going back to travel some more. The more they spoke the more they learned about each other.

For example, Alma carries an amulet that helps her look human. It has been in her family for generations and all family members have one. However, it’s uncomfortable because it makes the wearer feel like they're in the wrong skin.

Pedro got into cryptid hunting because when he was younger, the infamous El Hombre Caiman, almost took his mother. Thankfully his father taught him how to use guns, and he managed to shoot the creature enough to scare it off.

He knew he didn’t kill it but at least his mother was safe.

(El hombre Caiman, A legendary creature said to possess both human and alligator features, El Hombre Caiman (or “Alligator Man”) was supposedly once a fisherman who was transformed into an alligator by the spirits of the Magdalena River. He’s a sort of werewolf figure, who returns every St. Sebastian’s Day to hunt for victims. The myth is especially prevalent in the town of Plato, in Colombia’s Magdalena department.)

His friends had similar occurrences but with different monsters and such. That’s why the team exists in the first place. Once Alma learned this information she wasn’t so upset at the thought of “Cryptid hunters”. Come to think of it, that’s probably why more exist in different places.

Because most cryptids weren’t harmless. Some thrived off of harming others.

Over time they warmed up to each other, got married, and had their three beautiful babies. I think you already know what happens next. 

Encanto is a little more different in this au. Houses are a little more spread out…farther away from Casita to be more specific. Casita emits mist 24/7, in the day it’s not too much, it’s barely above two feet, but at night you can barely see anything.

This is done so the madrigal cryptids can come out in their real forms without the fear of getting caught. I’m not sure what their cryptid forms would really look like but seeing as their part human it wouldn’t be so creepy. 

This is the cryptid madrigals au

-

Another idea I had is the whole family being cryptid hunters themselves, it started with both Pedro and Alma, after Pedro’s passing she took a break for herself and her kids. But when the triplets took an interest in cryptid/monster hunting as well, she decided to open the business again.

She taught them everything there is to know about them. History, biology, weakness, strengths, the whole shabang. They still have their gifts but they aren’t used for the benefit of the town.

Bruno uses his gift to see where a cryptid might actually be or any scary/ severe outcomes so they can plan to avoid them. Julieta cooks snacks just in case they get hurt along the way. Pepa uses her lighting as a defense mechanism. Over time she learned how to aim it so it can hit the target perfectly. 

Of course, when they got married and had kids they took some years off and stayed in Encanto to raise the children. And as they did when they were younger, their children got interested in the concept and their parents told them everything they could about it.

When Mirabel didn’t get a gift it was shocking and a little upsetting, but they moved on and made sure to let her know she’s special without it. 

I’ll try to think of more, but this is all for now, feel free to share whatever ideas you have. 

I DO❗❗ that au was so silly, causing havoc for their family, we love that 💪

DO IT AGAIN BUT X4❗❗ I mean. I like both ideas, but I like the one where they're all cryptids, that is SO cool and. It gives me an excuse to draw them as crytids and you know I'm taking the chance. And I genuinely find this au really interesting 🙏

UHHH VERY NICE SNIPPET?? REAL??? Good on Alma for being suspicious of Pedro but also understanding his pov. And Pedro understanding her pov. Makes me wonder how he died. Gee 🌚

ANYWAYYYY ERMMM...I know you said you didn't know what they might look like, besides Alma, which even I couldn't pin point an exact cryptid type for her so. You know I'm just gonna work with what I've got 🙏�� gonna be spitting my ideas, pick and choice as you please and. Lemme know if you have more cause you onto something right here buddy 🪕🪕

I did the husband too, idk if they're human or not but. I wanted to <33 I did some research on them, tried to match them up to best of my abilities but some of them might seem random. Isabela was definitely the easiest, next to probably Pepa and Bruno. Madremonte was an obvious choice, and then since Pepa is always pinned as emotional, I think her being in a constant state of either crying or on the verge of tears is somewhat fitting. At least she can get her emotions out 😭 Bruno, I just?? Associated him with sand rather than time, and he damn sure ain't no Sandman, bro is the BOOGEYMAN and you know we love that.

I think the one who could pass for human even without the amulet or fog is Camilo. He's basically a Doppelgänger, or Uncanny Valley. Not quite human looking, but you can't pin point what he does look like. If anyone glanced at him, he'd look human. But the more they look they notice that his eyes and smile are a little too wide, he's a little too tall, and his voice changes ever so slightly each time he talks. The other MIGHT be Félix, but he might have trouble keeping his head attached. Maybe Dolores.

I think when Isabela was little (and this is if they have gifts or abilities), she had to wear boots becayse everytime she walked, especially bearfoot, plants and vegetation would grow like crazy. It wasn't until she got older that she could control is it better.

Julieta's cryptid is probably the most passive, it does heal. But Julieta herself is just off. Ironically, she keeps her eyes closed a lot, but she opens them when she's out and about, and by far she has the WORST staring problem. Like more than Camilo, but let's be real, he probably learned it from her, and she probably learned it from Alma. But Julieta somehow just has the creepiest stare. Maybe it's just cause the way her eyes look.

Speaking of eyes, I think even with the amulets, their eyes are a constant. Really dark, pretty much black, and dilated to the point where you can barely see the whites of their eyes. It might looked cute on the younger members like Antonio, but on the adults, its just unsettling.

ALSO. The fog reminds of the The Fog from DBD. In certain maps, especially the day maps, the fog doesn't affect it much, and you can use stuff to make it disperse. But on night maps its harder to see, and there's an exlcir that can make the fog thicker and make it hard to see 🤓☝

As for Casita uhhhh I got nothing. Just that maybe it's closer to the tree line. Maybe it's like that one movie monster house. Shiiii cause where's Pedro 🤨 he's trapped in the house 😛 jkjk, maybe Casita's a cryptid too. Or just anti social...to other houses 💀

[poisoned-pearls]

YEEEE you always have the correct thoughts I'm interested 🔥🔥🔥🔥

AUAUAUGHHH OKAY SO

Jamil’s voice actor has said himself that even he believes that Jamil and Azul could be close friends- I wanna point this out because that man definitely has some of the best understandings of Jamil EVER because he’s not only seen most of his voice lines, but he also gets the background notes we don’t get to see to add the correct kind of flavor to the voice acting- ANYWAYS

Jamil and Azul DO get along!! very well, in fact! If they are put against a common force or just, generally in an event together they do work well and even joke like close friends would!

Like, even when Jamil is being mean, he’s not malicious. He’s snarky, not actually trying to hurt Azul’s feelings- and they both KNOW how smart the other one is, and both aren’t afraid to mention it

(usually it’s Azul, but Jamil also consistently gives Azul credit as well. He doesn’t ever really downplay Azul’s merits and abilities)

And the funniest bit is- no matter how mean Jamil is to him, even with what some WOULD consider as bullying, Azul does not stop.

Which is WEIRD AS HELL FOR HIM. He was heavily bullied as a kid, so much so that it’s very obviously hinted at that he had/has an eating disorder (he wears the same size as Epel and Riddle, people who are a good ~20 ish cm shorter than he is- this is besides the point-) so to him, the reward of getting Jamil on his side is worth the thing that literally controlled his entire life and caused his overblot. That is how important getting Jamil is to him. (which also begs the question, why Jamil? Sure, some of it is definitely because he sees himself in Jamil, but since this is MY post, I also believe it’s because he has a crush on him.)

And he is CONSTANT about it- it’s almost hilarious how fucking often octavinelle or the lounge or even just himself comes up in his conversations with him.

And sure, it is a little weird that he seems to disregard Jamil’s constant no’s- BUT he also understands and watches Jamil more than anyone else, so I think he does this precisely because he knows that Jamil holds himself back.

Jamil can’t reasonably Say yes to him, because of kalim and his duties, but it’s the same thing with Jamil’s lab vignette, he so desperately wants Jamil to do his best, to succeed, but because Jamil will not let himself, he pushes and pushes to try and get him to fold and do what he really wants. To flourish. And Azul wants him to do it with him.

and the reason why Jamil is always so resistant to it isn’t because he genuinely wants nothing to do with it, it’s because he cannot understand or comprehend a relationship like that where they are equal.

He doesn’t want to be under Azul’s thumb, but this is exactly where their animosity comes from- the misunderstanding of their friendship and the dynamics with it. He doesn’t want to go to octavinelle, to work at the lounge, because he despises being a servant.

But master and servant is the only real dynamic he knows- he legitimately can’t understand how it would be any different, and because of Azul’s reputation and persona, he wouldn’t trust Azul’s word on it either.

(It is also very ironic that Azul’s persona, which was made to protect him from bullying, is the exact reason Jamil is so hostile towards him in the first place)

But here’s the thing- consistently, Jamil always makes note of Azul. He pays attention to him, (‘you sure love your cryptic little asides’ means that he’s actually paying attention to Azul to notice said asides and notice the frequency of them-) and he acknowledges him first.

I cannot stress enough how fucking insane it is that he not only acknowledges Azul first, but by full name. He is in basketball club with Floyd, he should know him well enough to say him by name, and hypothetically be more friendly with. Floyd is genuinely the safest person in octavinelle for him to hang out with precisely because he doesn’t scheme, so why in the world is he acknowledging Azul?? He’s already fucking suspicious of him and wants him off his back, so why not go for what should be his safest in?? Sure, it makes sense for him to actually talk to Azul because, classmates, but to completely disregard Floyd and put Azul first? Azul stands in the middle of them no matter what reading direction would be normal for Jamil (like if he speaks Arabic then it would be right to left/) it wouldn’t make sense to point out the one in the middle. Genuinely when people say hello to a group they know usually they go by name in reading order-

Okay genuinely not being insane about one moment in dialogue for a moment

Jamil and Azul, work so, so fucking well. They are just similar enough while also being opposites in the most complimentary way it’s crazy.

They work well as friends and as business partners and as people fighting together and as a couple, they flow together and it is always in my brain

Because all it takes is for Jamil to realize that Azul is not lying. He is not trying to trick him or butter him up he means every single word of praise he says and he will continue to say it because to him Jamil is worth the pain. THAT is why they’re soulmates to me

Because all Jamil has ever wanted was freedom, and to catch a break. To not be the one serving, but to have someone serve him, to understand him. and Azul does. Azul wants to serve him and to hold him on equal footing and he already DOES understand him

(And he understands Azul, as well, even if he doesn’t admit it. In all of those lines he notices things about Azul you wouldn’t if you actually hated someone. Azul gives him a sense of hope, in a subtle way)

[quitealotofsodapop]

[I wait with bated subscribe button.]

ask and ye shall receive. chapter three is being outlined (things be heating up, but chap. 4 is when things get spicy)

[Even though he knows the Monkey King isn't really his birth parent (glaring at Nuwa), he knew that the choice to raise MK fell on his heavy shoulders. Even if MK is a *little* upset when he finds out via S4 Memory Scroll-ing with Macaque that he's a monkey demon..] + [the memory of Wukong standing outside in the city streets, affixing a strong glamour spell to the baby's head, and sobbing as he forces himself to stop holding them long enough to disappear and make a noise that alerts the pig chef inside the shop.] + [The first thing MK does when he reunites with Wukong, is hug him tight and say "I never blamed you." Wukong is confused until the realisation that MK was in his memories kicks in, and he starts sobbing too.]

cursed scrolling is not a very nice way to figure out that you're some weird monkey thing-y made for some cryptic person by a deadbeat goddess, but it could be worse.

watching the moment Wukong actually sets him down for good is honestly heartbreaking. he's visibly fighting with himself to put the infant down and put the glamor on as he cries, and even after alerting the shopkeep of the little one on the doorstep he isn't able to keep himself from looking back hesitating and looking back as he tries to subtly flee the scene. the scene breifly shifts to show that Wukong circled back in the following days "just to make sure he chose the right home" as they scroll divers heard him telling himself, as well as "this is the last check-in, just to be sure". he said that every time.

Macaque can tell just by looking at Wukong that his instincts are screaming at him for leaving the infant, hence the constant checking to make sure the infant was safe. to see Wukong in such a disheveled state due to his instincts and hormones, possibly to the extent he was neglecting himself in favor of making sure MK was okay, is worrisome, especially knowing that he didn't have anyone to snap him out of it or help. the whole time the memory is unfolding MK wants nothing more than to go give his mentor a big hug.

he ends up giving him that hug, and thankfully too. while hopping back through some of his own deepest regrets Wukong had begun to feel even worse than he already did about a lot of things, leaving MK included. he felt really guilty, so to have MK practically tackle him into a hug and tell him it's okay? he starts ugly crying in an instant.

[He just wished he had more time to know this odd, horse-like dragon that Wukong adored as a brother.]

Wukong speaks very highly of him, and DBK is honestly glad that it seems his Xiandi had someone to care for him. from what he'd seen of the dragon, he seemed very respectable and nice to be around, the kind of person he'd want looking out for Wukong. Wukong's always been bad at letting people go/grieving, so DBK understands entirely that Wukong needs time and that this isn't easy on him.

[This is THEIR happy ending, and Mac's not gonna let Azure take that away from them.]

THIS!

I love the idea of them choosing to reconnect, to work through things, figure out how they've changed and how they fit together now, and most importantly, choosing to come out stronger. choosing to ensure that no one and nothing comes between them like that ever again (let alone the same three assholes a second time).

[Fun fact; since Stone Eggs are able to "steal" the Dao of others, it ws common in Stone Monkey days for widowed monkeys to start the egg-making process while buried next to their mate in hopes that both of their traits lived on in the baby.]

do- do you think Wukong would ever visit Macaque's grave? not bury himself ofc, but lay there next to him? do you think he'd tell his beloved's grave about how the pregnancy was going, telling him all the things he'd wanted to tell him about his egg had things not gone so awry? do you think if Yuebie ever "kicked" he'd switch to telling her about Macaque, but in a way that made it seem like he was meditating a conversation/introducing the two? do you think Wukong told the grave that he wanted her to look like him? do you think going there ultimately did help make her look like him?

[and Jiuweihuli is treating the situation as if she's expecting a grandchild. Even when Wukong explains that Mac only "started the process", that doesn't deter the demonesses.]

she def uses grandma rights to spoil Yuebei rotten once she's born, and even before she's born considering some of the baby shower gifts she gets for the expecting monkey. she becomes a pretty substantial rock for Wukong once he gets past the whiplash of her doing anything more than tolerating him. Macaque also def goes to her for parenting/relationship advice, when he was down in the dumps about his fight with Wukong just before ep 1 of s4 he def went to her asking about "how to fix things so Wukong doesn't leave him and take the kid".

[Yuebei, aka "The God Killer" toddles into a fancy heavenly party and all the Celestials scatter like they saw a tiger enter the room. The infant monkey just jumps on the banquet table and starts chowing down on the hors d'oeuvres like her baba before her.]

those close to Wukong laugh at the familiarity of the whole scene. Wukong doesn't know whether to be proud or worried at the prospect of Yuebei growing up to be like he was in his youth.

[Yuebei and her big bro MK share the trait of "I believe, so it is",]

she got it from him.

[DBK has to be reprimanded for almost getting into a fight with Nezha over their protective instincts towards Wukong in this state.]

DBK remembers how adamant Wukong was the celestial realm doesn't learn of his unborn egg, so he sees the third lotus prince and assumes he's there for nefarious reasons. Ne Zha just wants to make sure Wukong will live through labor.

[Yuebei def stares at the tapes Guanyin provides in silence, tears rolling down her face as she sees and hears her Baba in different eras, telling his baby that they may never meet but that he loves them no matter what!! Especially if one of the things she yelled at Wukong was along the lines of; "You never do anything for me!"]

Guanyin sits there next to her, kinda side hugging her while rubbing circles into her back as Yuebei takes in everything before her. she has questions, some of which Guanyin answers, others they tell her she should ask her baba about, Yuebei pretty much makes a break for home as soon as Guanyin's done talking. Wukong was kinda teary eyed when she got back, but he tried to hide it.

[One of the rarer nicknames he had for her was "little moonlight" whenever he was particularly wistful.]

oooo Imagine Wukong puts her down for bed for bed one night and Macaque overhears him telling her "goodnight my little moonlight", how would he react??

[The subsetquent hours is Macaque fellign like sh*t for making Wukong hate him again + Yuebei crying when Mac raised his voice. He's convinced that he F-d Up Big, and that Wukong would never trust him again- oh hey a text from Mei.]

oh god, Yuebei bursting into tears is def what cuts the argument short with Wukong unwilling to continue the fight with Yuebei so upset and Macaque stunned into silence over waking her up with his yelling. the horror, guilt, shame he must have felt realizing that he did that, he scared her. not make harmad or fussy, he scared her so bad she started wailing.

he thinks it's going to put his progress with her all the way back to square one, but the situation ultimately doesn't allow that. he feels a tad bit guilty almost at how he's relieved she still trust him enough to call for him, when as soon as they enter the celestial realm to dethrone azure he hears her chirping for both Wukong and him.

as mentioned above, I think that after the fight he'd go see Jiuweihuli for advice on how to un-f up the situation, that he likely looked more like him busting through her office of the theater's door a crying mess as he sobs about "ruining everything" before she manages to calm him down enough to get a read on the situation and give him some actually reassurance/advice.

[Macaque still goes to Water Curtain Cave to see whats up... only to find no Monkey Kids, and the smell of a familar lion...]

as soon as Macaque recognizes the horridly familiar scent as Azure's he loses his mind at the implication of whats going on. Macaque was aware the brotherhood wanted Wukong... more permanently out of the picture back in the journey days, so he was also likely aware of their plot invovling the scroll of memory, and didn't mei's text say something about a scroll... ? and she said Yuebei was being "babysat"... right?...

if what he thinks is happening, is happening, it better not be, because if it is he's going to skin the damn lion.

[Wukong: *secretly watching from the doorway, falling in love with his Warrior all over again*]

something about getting to see Macaque being the parent he often told Wukong he wanted to someday be just makes the old king's weary heart melt with some form of love and joy so overwhelming it makes just wanna melt into the moment.

[Yellowtusk is the only one of the Brotherhood trio who recognises that people have changed in the last few hundred years.] + [Yellowtusk recognises that perhaps even he has changed. Being made to relive your mistakes throught the Scroll can do that.] + [Yellowtusk is Wise because he recognises that the best option is to jump this sinking ship now while there's still time.]

he is aware he has already done too much to be forgiven for by his other sworn brothers, but if not for them he'll do this for himself. he doesn't deserve to have the other two nitwits drag him down too. and if not for himself then his morals, this is not what he joined the brotherhood to fight for, and he'll stick to his principles on that even when it puts him against his two remaining brothers.

referencing this Slow Boiled au post.

[watching the moment Wukong actually sets him down for good is honestly heartbreaking. he's visibly fighting with himself to put the infant down and put the glamor on as he cries, and even after alerting the shopkeep of the little one on the doorstep he isn't able to keep himself from looking back hesitating and looking back as he tries to subtly flee the scene. the scene breifly shifts to show that Wukong circled back in the following days "just to make sure he chose the right home" as they scroll divers heard him telling himself, as well as "this is the last check-in, just to be sure". he said that every time.]

oh gosh. THIS

the whole scene is silent save for the sounds of rain, baby MK crying, and Wukong softly shushing him with monkey noises and "I know, I know." Placing the baby down on the storefront and visibly hesistating to make the sound that alerts Pigsy inside.

And Wukong is a mess at this point. Like even more so than when MK met him in "A Hero is Born". He's visibly exhausted and unkempt, looking like he's barely holding it together. Macaque can tell in an instant that his Peaches was in a critical mental and physical at the time.

As MK and Mac see this scene end (shadow monkey trying not to cry too), it cuts to multiple times throughout MK's childhood (ala Leela in Futurama) where Wukong watched over him. Either as a bird, a butterfly, a ladybug, anything that wasn't too strenuous on the de-powered monkey. And MK can just *see* how much his "birth mother" still loved him after all.

[he ends up giving him that hug, and thankfully too. while hopping back through some of his own deepest regrets Wukong had begun to feel even worse than he already did about a lot of things, leaving MK included. he felt really guilty, so to have MK practically tackle him into a hug and tell him it's okay? he starts ugly crying in an instant.]

MK is ugly-crying too. Like full ghibli tears even before Wukong tiredly turns to greet them.

Wukong eventually tries to break the tension by commenting on Mac's own crying + the clingy subject monkeys he picked up. But Macaque just responds by softly enveloping them all in a big shadowy hug (and maybe whispering a few "im sorry"s for the fight earlier).

[Wukong speaks very highly of him, and DBK is honestly glad that it seems his Xiandi had someone to care for him. from what he'd seen of the dragon, he seemed very respectable and nice to be around, the kind of person he'd want looking out for Wukong. Wukong's always been bad at letting people go/grieving, so DBK understands entirely that Wukong needs time and that this isn't easy on him.]

DBK and Ao Lie would have gotten along like a house on fire. Both are princes with a lot on thier shoulders, protective brothers, and complete sweethearts at their core. When DBK is in the Scroll, he sees how Ao Lie cared for his Xiandi during the Journey and is glad that someone truly cared for Wukong during his most vulnerable state.

[I love the idea of them choosing to reconnect, to work through things, figure out how they've changed and how they fit together now, and most importantly, choosing to come out stronger. choosing to ensure that no one and nothing comes between them like that ever again (let alone the same three assholes a second time).]

YES. The choice to fall back in love and make it work!

To learn and relearn new things about eachother despite the troubles they've had in the past! To overcomes hurdles that would have broken them before. To both come out better together. And raise a super-cute baby too.

While it wasn't nessasary, the Brotherhood incident accidentally causes th ebond between Shadowpeach to become stronger since they're literally tackling their pasts head-on.

[do- do you think Wukong would ever visit Macaque's grave? not bury himself ofc, but lay there next to him? do you think he'd tell his beloved's grave about how the pregnancy was going, telling him all the things he'd wanted to tell him about his egg had things not gone so awry? do you think if Yuebie ever "kicked" he'd switch to telling her about Macaque, but in a way that made it seem like he was meditating a conversation/introducing the two? do you think Wukong told the grave that he wanted her to look like him? do you think going there ultimately did help make her look like him?]

Depends if Mac even had one, given that it looked like his body was dragged straight down (then again Wukong could have seen that as normal given how himself got physically kidnapped into Hell the first time).

And oooohhhh the idea that Wukong yearned so much for his former mate that he desperately wanted even a "hint" of him to live in his baby. Like even incidentally. ;_;

Mac sees a memory of Wukong lying down in the "Shame Temple" (I hc as where Mac and his last fight took place hence Shame), and talking to seemingly no one... until Mac notices how Wukong seems to be talking to him??

Memory!Wukong: "What do you think little moonlight? Will you love theatre as much as he did?" *a few seconds past, Wukong reacts to a kick* "Hah! I knew it! I bet he would have taken you to your first play before you could even walk. I just hope that you don't inherit my stage fright..."

And Macaque is just trying his best to blink away tears. "Little moonlight" is what him and Wukong often call Yuebei. He didn't know that Wukong had already dubbed the little cub that long before she was even born. And he's currently grappling the fact that Wukong loved him so so much even after the battle that took Mac's life.

[she def uses grandma rights to spoil Yuebei rotten once she's born, and even before she's born considering some of the baby shower gifts she gets for the expecting monkey. she becomes a pretty substantial rock for Wukong once he gets past the whiplash of her doing anything more than tolerating him.]

The old vixen has had enough experience with rowdy twins to know how Wukong is feeling, especially in the direct aftermath of Yuebei's birth. She's the first of the honorary grandparents (sans Pigsy) to take one look at a sleep-deprived monkey couple and go "Oh no. You too are getting some rest. Let me handle the kit for a few hours."

Wukong is still a little confused why she's so kind to him after all that happened during the Journey.

Wukong: "Didn't I like, almost kill you with my staff?" Jiuweihuli, brushing it off: "That was centuries ago, love. Times change."

The vixen and her twins are far quicker to forgive than some allies in the Monkey King's past. In Jiuweihuli's mind, Wukong had been an expecting mom/dad who was trying their best to protect their family. She has done worse to protect her skulk. She does make plenty of jokes about Wukong "copying" her during the Journey tho.

She's still very critical of Macaque during this time, despite him being her fave understudy. But she's the first to hug him and give advice regarding him and Wukong's fight just pre-S4. She recognises that her honorary-kit is trying their best to make things right, and wants to be there for him throughout it all.

[DBK remembers how adamant Wukong was the celestial realm doesn't learn of his unborn egg, so he sees the third lotus prince and assumes he's there for nefarious reasons. Ne Zha just wants to make sure Wukong will live through labor.]

Theres a flurry of chaos when PIF and DBK arrive on scene after the LBD battle, since they don't know that Ne Zha knows about the Stone Egg. And Ne Zha doesn't know that the two bros have reconciled in that time since their last fight. A very quick fight occurs until Wukong, in his laborous rage, yells "KNOCK IT OFF" - stopping the battle in it's tracks.

[Guanyin sits there next to her, kinda side hugging her while rubbing circles into her back as Yuebei takes in everything before her. she has questions, some of which Guanyin answers, others they tell her she should ask her baba about,]

Guanyin is such a good grandparent figure :3 Wukong is glad that they sorta force-adopted him all those centuries ago.

[oooo Imagine Wukong puts her down for bed for bed one night and Macaque overhears him telling her "goodnight my little moonlight", how would he react??]

Macaque hears Wukong whispering to Yuebei, calling her his "little moonlight", and Mac just starts happy-crying. "Little Moonlight"? As in mini version of Wukong's "Moonlight" nickname for Mac when they were together? Wukong gets ambushed with a happy purring shadow monkey the second he exits the bedroom.

[oh god, Yuebei bursting into tears is def what cuts the argument short with Wukong unwilling to continue the fight with Yuebei so upset and Macaque stunned into silence over waking her up with his yelling. the horror, guilt, shame he must have felt realizing that he did that, he scared her. not make harmad or fussy, he scared her so bad she started wailing.]

Oh this whole squence... the Fight just before Ep 1 of S4.

The whole thing was an arguement that they really should have talked out and come to a compromise on... but relationship progress is tricky. And when voices get raised, both just shut down the second Yuebei starts crying. Macaque ofc solely blames himself for scaring the baby, since it was his voice she reacted to.

Macaque leaves his and Wukong's shared space (likely the hut on FFM, just renovated to be baby-proof), and shadow slinks his way to the theatre where he collaspes into Jiuweihuli's arms, sobbing about how "he's ruined everything again".

Then the idea of Macaque storming the throne room to get Yuebei back, no matter if he's lost all progress with her, only to hear her beautiful happy chirp! upon seeing him!? Oh he's scooping his little girl up right into his arms and kissing her fluffy head all over whispering "im sorry" for scaring her so badly.

Also being inside the Scroll of Memory and seeing how much Wukong sacrificed to ensure Yuebei's birth and MK's safety, makes Mac appreciate them all even more.

[if what he thinks is happening, is happening, it better not be, because if it is he's going to skin the damn lion.]

If Yuebei hadn't gone baby Hercules-mode on the Brotherhood, you best be sure that Macaque really would have skinned Azure for indirectly kidnapping his and Wukong's baby (the MKrew kids basically panicked and gave him Yuebei to hold while they went into the Scroll).

[something about getting to see Macaque being the parent he often told Wukong he wanted to someday be just makes the old king's weary heart melt with some form of love and joy so overwhelming it makes just wanna melt into the moment.]

Lets just say, seeing Macaque treat Yuebei (and be extension MK) as his own cubs, is something that just makes Wukong's heart soar like it did millennia ago when they'd fantasized about having a massive family post-war.

And seeing Macaque still adoring their little moonlight, even after their arguement + the situation at hand, makes Wukong adore him even more.

[he is aware he has already done too much to be forgiven for by his other sworn brothers, but if not for them he'll do this for himself. he doesn't deserve to have the other two nitwits drag him down too. and if not for himself then his morals, this is not what he joined the brotherhood to fight for, and he'll stick to his principles on that even when it puts him against his two remaining brothers.]

Yellowtusk is a smart elephant. He's willing to call up his old patron Samantabhadra and the other bodhisattvas for an assist if it means his brothers are forced to their senses. Even in canon, he's the first to recognise that Azure's hold on the throne wasn't sustainable. Combined with Peng's goading, and the kidnapping of their former brother's child, Yellowtusk is shuting down this takeover early.

Thank you for loving this Au as much as I do! It's such a fun one to play around in!

[ausssbutlershortstories]

Hi! If I may bring some things up, cauae I haven't really seen them discussed much: 1. It's very suspicious, that it's almost the end of summer and we are seeing some narratives thrown around, him allegedly cheating and K's cryptic cringey post. It's as if that L&S article is playing out right on front of us. 2. I have no idea how anyone believes Austin would be a cheater, when he was in 9 year long committed relationship, and judging by how V is, if he had cheated, we would know by now lol. Meanwhile K has exhibited some very sus behavior, not just with Austin but in general: already circling Elordi when he was with Zendaya, liking V's posts with Austin before she got with him, breaking up with Elordi and jumping straight to Austin, allegedly having something with that Maneskin guy, and then her friend starts dating him later, liking thirsty posts about Paul Mescal last year and being all cheesy with him this year at the Baftas party and then her friend starts dating him. It's like she's always wanting what someone else has. She is def not a girl's girl, and I don't think it's the case of being a wingwoman to her friends, exhibited by the Elordi/Zendaya and V/Austin situations. Also let's not forget her making out with her friend while dating Austin. I could also talk about all the forced personality bs even exhibited with this new DKNY campaign (cause wow she's so bookish and a New Yorker now lol), but maybe that's a discussion for another time.

Her getting with Austin just a month after it was over with Elordi will forever be weird to me. It’s given she saw what being with a new up & coming actor would do for her and went after him. The way they got together in general is sus to me as a whole.

Kaia and the forced personality thing is weird too. It seems she likes to mold herself into whatever guy she is with. She’s young right now and will grow out of that eventually

She for sure isn’t a girl’s girl at all. The Zendaya and Jacob situation is one thing , but the Vanessa situation….that’s shady as fuck lol. It makes it look like she had her eyes set on Austin for a very long time.

Austin didn’t cheat. Vanessa through her little temper tantrums and throwing shade at him would have definitely hinted at that. She’s hinted at other things that may have been wrong with the relationship towards the end but cheating ? Nah. She’s petty as fuck and would have said something by now. Besides I can’t imagine her tripping over a cheating ex while married to another man lol Austin definitely was her world for almost a decade.

Kaia’s post from yesterday was WILD lmao. Idk if that was for Austin exactly or what the purpose of that post was but either way there was definitely motive behind it. She either did it to get people to talk because she knows people will automatically assume it would be about Austin and she just wanted attention or Austin must’ve really pissed her ass tf off and she was just lashing out lol and when I say that I do not mean he went and cheated (i personally don’t think he would do that to any woman) but she didn’t get her way about something and threw a fit.

This whole anon just reminds me of how small Hollywood is lol seems like everyone has messed with /dated the same person at some point lol

[meowzfordayz]

THIRST TIME WITH V pt2

(Note: I love people that self ship and you’ve inspired this. I also don’t know if you prefer Modern AU or Canon Time-Line so we will do both. I will also be assuming that you or your followers are an anime only bunch so you won’t have to worry about spoilers. Thank you for indulging me so much!)

Sanemi Shinazugawa Headcanons

This man is so THOUGHTFUL! Random (and i mean you will never see them coming) acts of servitude, gifts, and he will NEVER forget a date that is important to you. If he ever did he’d kill himself with guilt. Everyone close to him can see how half of his attitude is faked for his comfort, but only you get to see how thick of a mask that attitude really is. 

He vastly underestimates how capable you are, even after falling in love. This is frustrating and becomes the biggest catalyst to most of your fights. 

You’ve asked to put creams on his scars before and he was quick to refuse. He doesn't need them fading. Doesn't want the reminders of his weakness to ever leave the forefront of his mind. He’s afraid that if he gives into something so mundanely intimate he will become too soft, too comfortable in a quiet existence, to protect you when you most need it.

Late Night rooftop conversations that get so deep and personal you wonder if it’s even the same Hashira you are talking to by the end of it.

You’ve dressed up his crow once or twice and when he found out he got very huffy. You don’t do it anymore out of respect but he secretly wishes you would. He loves to hear the sounds you make when you coo over something you find adorable. 

After you two had officially gotten together (although you were unofficially dedicated to one another for a while due to his lack in range of communication and emotional vulnerability) he talked you into letting him take you somewhere. He was very cryptic about it all, but it was Sanemi your Nemi, you knew you would be safe. Long and sappy story short: It was a special spot high above the coast line where you could watch the sunrise together. He told you he often came here when he was feeling lonely and found that the first morning light reminded him of you.

Modern au

He legit had a heart attack when you first moved in together. You had spent the night in one another’s beds before but this was a brand new experience for him. He would never be more intimate with another being. You were it.

Grumbles incessantly when you invite friends over and hides himself in your shared room. He has no interest in being cordial or getting to know the people you hang out with. He will even do this occasionally when mutual friends like Shinobu.

You sleep with separate blankets now because of how much of a bed hog he can be. He complained about your blanket thievery ONCE and that was all it took for you to come back about how he’s a starfish and maybe the two of you should sleep in separate beds because of how uncomfortable it makes you. Needless to say, he does his best to not “starfish” anymore, but unfortunately he does toss and turn due to his regular night terrors. This is fine by you.

As if he wasn’t a neat freak already… Every few weeks he gets into a weird cleaning mood where he almost turns into a drill sargent with how he involuntarily enlists you into deeply sanitizing your shared living space. He’s given no explanation for this; the house is already clean by most people's standards.

Doesn't like the smell of american sweet or dill pickles.

I know you said that you would push the cart at the grocery, but honestly I think you would come home to find everything already purchased on the regular. Shopping with him is a treat. He says it’s because you push the cart too slow, but honestly it’s because he has the meals already planned out and you like to deviate from his list a little too liberally. You’ll see something and decide that’s what you want for dinner with no regard to your health and he will almost immediately give in to you. He’s tried playing the mean boyfriend and telling you no, but every time you give him those doe eyes… SO he doesn't go shopping with you anymore, for your own good. 

Morning Voice. That’s all I got. You can use your imagination. 

Hii V. ☺️ Your headcanons are AMAZING 😍, but not exactly a writing prompt/thirst (?), so Imma just answer w/ my reactions (unless you hoped I would write something inspired by these headcanons ?? 😅 in that case, just lmk !!).

P.S. Nvm. I wrote a lil drabble: "morning voice". 😏 CW: 18+NSFW, explicit language, Fem!Reader

Love me a thoughtful man, and Sanemi's def more observant and sweet than meets the eye. 🥺

I LOVE THIS HC SO MUCH !!!!! 😖 Could absolutely see myself getting frustrated/upset due to his lack of trust (at least, that's what constantly being underestimated would eventually feel like to me), but I'm sure we'd slowly and surely communicate through it. 🙃

This made me EMOTIONAL. 😔

Idk whether this was intentional or not, but it reminded me of from dusk till dawn. 🌌

Lololol I generally don't enjoy dressing up animals, BUT this hc is so CUTE. 🤗

"and found that the first morning light reminded him of you" HELLOOO?!?!?! 😭😭😭💘

That first night feeling. 🥺🥰

Lol poor Shinobu (albeit she prob prefers it that way 😂). #grumpy guy

I am both Sanemi and Reader (bed hog AND blanket hog). 🤪 Night terrors detail reminded me of through thick and thin. 😔

I AM A NEAT FREAK. 😤 Ppl would be "scared" to visit us bc we're so high maintenance lmao.

Idk what American sweet is, but I don't like pickles either. 😆

THIS ONE. THIS ONE !!!!! 😌 Man knows me to a T. 😃 I'm a literal child when grocery shopping (altho my self control actually isn't too bad).

"Sanemi," you murmur, a drowsy, welcoming noise to his pink, sunlit ears, "Saaanemi."

A muffled grumble is his only response, a heavy arm slinging over the dip of your side as you giggle quietly.

"Baaabe," you coo, happily snuggling into the comfort of his chest, wispy hairs caressing your cheek as you peer contentedly up at his stubbornly closed eyes, "It's almost noon."

Another grunt prompts louder giggling from you, playful breaths hitching when a calloused, decisive hand slips between your thighs, fingernails digging pointedly into your plush skin.

"Sanemi?" you squeal, legs pressing together, trapping his palm against the heat of your core, "Are you sleepy or horny?"

Your question comes out teasingly, clit tingling from the pressure and weight of his hand, a feathery whimper coaxed from your throat when he pulls at the cotton of your panties.

"What do you think?"

His voice is low and gravelly, a worn and porous pebble turning over and over and over again, gently tossed and glistening by the sea.

"Hm," you grin, feigning ignorance as he tugs at your panties, head disappearing under the covers as he follows them from your hips to your ankles, "Sleepy?"

Head emerging from his endeavor, Sanemi rolls his now opened eyes, lips ghosting across your face before settling on your mouth, kissing with firm, languid tenderness.

"You're stupid," he rasps, fingers dipping once more between your thighs, this time stroking your folds, swallowing hard at their sticky warmth, "Would I be seducing you if I was sleepy?"

Smirking, you willingly spread your legs, airy and baited as you muse, "Who says I'm being seduced?"

With a displeased growl, he lightly pinches your folds, gaze sharpening promisingly at the faint sound of slick squishing, tongue licking along your jaw as you whine softly.

"Your pussy certainly does," he remarks, blowing on the subtle, shiny trail of his ministrations as he continues licking down your neck, “And your tits.”

He punctuates his statement with a quick flick to your nipple, one thumb circling your clit with practiced ease while the other fondles your breast.

“And you?” you ask, breathless and putty in his embrace, back arching into his touch as your ass grinds backward into his groin, “Are you being seduced?”

Silently, he grabs your wrist, guiding your palm to his crotch, erection straining as your fingertips brush across the tip of his cock, precum leaking through the thin fabric of his briefs.

“Frankly,” he mutters, nearly choking when your hand wanders lower to carefully squeeze his balls, sliding a thick, warning finger into your fluttering cunt, moaning in tandem at the fullness, “I can’t wait to fuck you.”

[ctwinsduo]

hey hi hey! do you perhaps have cniki/ceret/cwilbur hcs? any of them r fine and if you dont thats okay bye!!!

I don't have much c!niki knowledge I'm afraid however I will give what little hcs I have (also credit to my buddy @cinn-namon for half of these Eret HCs, if you want more feel free to mug him /hj)

Wilbur

- Prone to singing or humming whenever given the chance, when there's an audience he puts So Much Effort into it but he'll do it when he's alone aswell - Her first instinct in most situations is to laugh, she doesn't mean to but it just sorta slips out regardless of the circumstances - By far my wildest Wilbur hc: Wilbur is a nature spirit- my basis for this is mostly Greek mythology. In Greek mythology it's common for the children of gods and immortals to be some sort of nymph or dryad (basically a nature spirit) and the concept of nature spirits is a really vast one that can range from "pretty lady found in Trees" (Dryad) or "Unidentified mystical energy" for my HCs I tend to use more of the ladder. So Wilbur is a physical manifestation of the wilds, basically a shapeshifter but add a connection to the world itself. In theory he has no "true" form but the form he took when he was born was just a straight up fox (later learned how to shift into a more humanoid form as he grew) - More thoughts on nature spirit Wilbur ahead: how she appears and how well she can hold her form is entirely dependent on her current state, because of this she changed a lot between L'manburg and Pogtopia :3 When she first came to the SMP she looked almost entirely human, save for a few "off" traits (strange eyes, fangs, slightly pointed ears, ect.) but when Pogtopia hit she changed rather suddenly, becoming more like Fundy in appearance. Ghostbur was just a straight up spectral fox, and post revival Wilbur always has a few fox-like traits showing that she can't seem to get rid of - All of their mannerisms are slightly off- they don't quite emote "right". When they're fully human they come off as oddly animalistic, when they're more animal-like they're weirdly human. They tried to play themselves off as at least Mostly human for awhile but gave up pretty quickly - Has no fucking clue what his species is because of the samsung smart fridge nonsense- honestly he just assumes that he was Born Weird. When asked he's always weirdly cryptic about it - God awful cook, y'know those posts about people fucking up their food in unbelievable ways? That's Wilbur. Do not let her into the kitchen she will burn water - Disaster bi, seemingly most attracted to people who are either actively against her or have done shitty things to her in the past and she Cannot be normal about it (See: all of the shit said about Schlatt, Eret, Quackity, the list goes on) - Touchy but only when they're in a good mood. L'manburg era they'd always be putting an an arm around someone's shoulder or ruffling people's hair, small acts of physical affection, but any other time they've actively shied away from touch unless it's initiated by them. This is mostly because they're easily overstimulated by touch (despite being incredibly touch starved post revival)

Eret

- Wither hybrid, they can shift to hide some of their wither parts. When they were apart of L'manburg they also played themselves off as human - Loves to bake and stress bakes when especially stressed out- I like to think her and Niki would often bake together - Looking directly into his eyes activates a person's flight or fight response, which is why so many people have gotten Jumpscared by his eyes in the past - Probably has one of the best fashion senses in the entire SMP and yet only really dresses up whenever someone is coming over (90% of the time she just lounges about in comfy clothes, we love a comfy queen) - His memory is absolutely god awful so he's prone to writing things down or- more often- taking photos. A lot of the pictures from early L'manburg were taken by him - The L'manburg uniforms were made with Tommy and Eret's combined efforts (Wilbur supervised and occasionally stabbed himself trying to help <3) - Sews all of their own clothes, they'd love to sew for someone else but they haven't gotten the chance to outside of the uniforms (if they did they'd probably make an entire wardrobe though) - She's the one that taught Tommy to sew :3

Niki

- Catgirl c!niki supremacy - She likes churus (the cat treat) and will eat them like gogurt - Being as close to Wilbur as she was she's absolutely heard way too much about all of Wilbur's awful crushes on their enemies (she can never look at Eret the same way again) - She has autistic girl swagger idk what it is but she just does. Has the most unsettling stare known to man (by complete accident) - Despite being a cat hybrid she enjoys playing around in local bodies of water, big fan of stomping around in rivers

[hiemaldesirae]

Swap AU:

Vox's Goetia (we need a name for him...umm because he's where Vox gets the extras for the fight against Heaven; got any ideas?) looks like a Griffin. He's got a Lion lower half and eagle upper half but his colors are shades of blue. (You see why Vox proposed that deal.)

The crew work on defense for days. Vox goes to Lucifer to ask about Angel weaknesses and informs him about Adam's threats against Charlie and the Hotel, and that's how the hotel crew gets informed of angel weaknesses. Lucifer tells, after all why should he keep Heaven's weakness a secret when they're coming for his daughter?

Vox then puts a big order of Angelic steel in for Carmine, paying extra to have it arrive early, which it does so he and Pentious can build turrets and drones to shoot down the exterminators. They have a blast.

Also: fun facts:

Vox's sensors and subconscious relax and recognize Alastor's scent as safe, even though Vox himself cannot smell anything. The sensor's database has recognized certain scents as family (Husk's, Vel's, Val's) lover's/husband's (Alastor's) little sister (Charlie's) my duck loving liege lord who might be my friend too? (Lucifer) the crazy exorcist chick whose now treating me with kid gloves--IT WAS ONE PANIC ATTACK! (Vaggie) Val's weird Spider who keeps taking photos and I know is stealing my shit (Angel Dust) The Best Little Engineer That Could (Sir Pentious) The Engineer's less then steller sidekicks 1-8 (Eggbois) the chick that keeps blowing up the wall (Cherri Bomb)

Angel Dust does do more then steal. He brings in Alastor's cooking to the Hotel, and Vox who does miss homemade jambalaya jumps at the chance to eat it. Vox just devours it. (Of course Angel lied and told him it was set aside for Niffty and Velvette for working so hard. He wasn't going to tell him Alastor had been waiting at the door of V-tower with the large Tupperware bowl with strict instructions that only Vox got what was inside.)

Vox actually turns in early--he'd been stressing out with Adam's threat laying over him and the thought of a true death coming for him hasn't sat well, but the warmth of good food made him sleepy and he goes to bed. He's barely asleep when Alastor joins him, gently petting his rabbit ears and murmuring his undying devotion to sleeping Vox's ears.

uhhh. drawing from the demons of the ars goetia grimoire, seir could work as a name? according to his description, seir can go to any place on earth in a matter of seconds to accomplish the will of the conjurer (possibly explaining how vox can use him for errands and such), and hes not a particularly evil demon. he's also a prince of hell, so that makes his and stolas' relation even closer since there seems to be only 7 of them in the ars goetia grimore

HAHAHA awww bonding time with pentious and vox!!! i still stand by the fact that i think vox should get to say kys to at least ONE other person in the swap au. i simply believe my wife should be allowed to cyberbully whoever he wants <3 also i imagine lucifer would show up to help with fortifications too, no? i just cant see him leaving his daughter and friend alone to deal with the fallout while not leaving the palace... though admittedly, i am a bit biased from what electric mentioned.

me after i die. HE STILL RECOGNIZES AL AS HIS LOVER...... auwgudawgh...... imgonna be SICK. what the HELL did they even fight about because clearly it wasnt enough to keep both of them from pining for each other... AUAUWGAHAH every time you come in my inbox its like another plane (angst( striking the twin towers (my heart)

and i am SUCH a fucking sucker for radiostatics love language being food. the idea that al nabs / has angel nab voxs stuff so that he can stake his claim but he also makes him food.... just stop being cryptic and TELL HIM YOUR SHIT !!! god i hate them. dysfunctional ass toxic couple theyre the WORST. and al. please for the love of god just be a Normal Person and STOP BREAKING INTO VOXS BED AT NIGHt ?!!?!?? just one normal thing from you. god damn its like if he doesnt act like a freak he loses 20 years off his lifespan or something

[starry-blue-echoes]

Okay, I just got here. Sorry for intruding and I'm kind of freaking out about part 4 of Star Swap.

Because there are two Jotaros. Why is nobody talking about the fact that there are two Jotaros? Am I missing something??? 

Unless I am completely failing in Star Swap lore, in order to not become super convoluted and insane, a universe is localized to a Swap… probably? Anyway from what I understand three universes have an event happening in them and Star Swap is a series… except there's also an OLDER Jotaro here in Part 4! which would be the same Jotaro that experienced part 4 as Josuke! Which is causing problems in my brain.

… I was thinking it's either Joseph and Giono is the exception -Thanks to Hermit Purple Rrequiem- and swaps actually jumps across universes making Older Part 4 Jotaro have that Canon backstory.

…Or… hear me out..

 JoJo

 Specifically, Jotaro gets some of that Time Jumpy Amnesia and has not a single fucking clue what happened to himself.

JUST HIM 

No one else

He is the sole one that gets bonk with a forgot stick

For all Jotaro knows: he blacked out, got possessed, and went to Egypt. Everything went well. His mom got cured and people survived, but STILL. said person that possessed him made a bunch of friends and now Jotaro has to deal with them. HE has to rely on other people's information to figure out what the hell HAPPENED.

Jotaro still gets that Battle Experience in and gets those cryptic forgotten fog of memories from the trip But Yeah

Jotaro has no idea what happened to him when that guy was possessing him. Jotaro doesn't know! he doesn't remember shit!!! All people got is theories.

I have a lot of thoughts and this is probably not even an issue.ARGGGG

.. I'm here thinking that for The Star Swap parts 3 and 4 to connect in an interesting way is Memory Blockage or else Part 4 Older Jotaro would have to walk on fucking eggshells if something wasn't blocking his memories because if he talks or says anything that doesn't link up then he breaks time. Jotaro's fault for actively getting involved!

Probably. I don't know!!! I'm just thinking!!! 

you're correct, Parts 3 and 4 have been criminally neglected amongst all this chaos, so this is p e r f e c t

to clarify the universe shenanigans of everything: I've always been thinking that each "set" exists in its own universe. 1 and 6, 2 and 5, and then 3 and 4 all exist in their own sort of "pocket universe" just so we don't need to keep track of of all the inevitable changes and how they influence each other

that being said, funnily enough what you've brought up with Jotaro is REALLY close to what I've been imagining too!

Jotaro is So Fucking Lost when he wakes up back home. He feels like complete and utter shit and is covered in more bandages than he's ever had before. The last thing he remembers is his mom leaving after visiting him in the prison cell after he tried to shoot himself with Star Platinum

only...... when did Star Platinum have a name? When had it stopped being an evil spirit?

when had he stopped being scared of it?

Kakyoin and Joseph are of course INCREDIBLY worried by Jotaro's apparent and very sudden shift in personality. And of course, this panic only multiplies when they find they think Jotaro's stand has been changed as well. They immediately think it's a Stand attack......

but then Holly steps forward and denies this. That this is how Jotaro normally acts and more importantly, that she remembers seeing Star in the jail

now, technically this might be bending the rules a little bit, but I think it would be interesting to give Holly some..... memory weirdness. Maybe we can tie it into her Stand somehow, or maybe it's just For The Plot, but Holly has two distinct sets of memories before she collapsed from her illness

One where Jotaro comes home with her, quiet and awkward and open in a way he hadn't been since he was a child. And another where he refused to leave and shot himself in an attempt to goad a spirit hovering over his shoulder

this then raises the incredibly uncomfortable idea that the Jotaro they'd gone to Egypt with was the imposter. That there had been a fake in their midst the entire time and they never knew. Was he working with Dio? Another group? What was his goal? Why had he done it? And of course, the biggest question of all, where was Jotaro the entire time and why doesn't he remember?

because it's obvious Jotaro was somewhere. He has skills and knowledge he hadn't before. He's different, he's grown in some ways, but has receded in others

Electricity and loud sounds terrify him in a way that can't be described as simple fear

they do what they can to help and figure things out, but they can never find any leads. It actually during these investigations that Jotaro decides to start working with the Speedwagon Foundation on the side and "rekindles" his friendships with the Crusaders

(he finds himself drawn to Kakyoin at times. Or to be more specific, he's drawn to his Stand. The colors and shapes and eyes all feel so tantalizingly familiar, and sometimes he finds himself talking to the being as if expecting a response)

years go by, and the fog around his memories stays. It bothers him less as more time passes and he makes new memories with people who had a headstart on their relationship, but there's always a quiet niggling in the back of his mind about what could've happened

and then a decade later he finds a boy with a different face but identical Stand and temperament to match

[plagueybirb]

Back on the AU where Master Kohga isn't Master Kohga but instead a Sheikah Monk.

Gonna go into HEAVY rambling thought territory here, because I have thoughts and may turn this into a story one day if I have the time, I'll put it under the cut if y'all ain't that interested in my brainrot for creating weird alternate worlds.

My version has Kohga keeping that part of his title for simplicity's sake, but instead he's something like Maz Kohga. He just hangs around Kakariko, doing monk things. Sooga's there too, he probably goes out hunting and stuff. I'd think he'd end up being Kohga's sort of apprentice, gets taught magic, all that fun stuff. Nothing much changes about their dynamic besides the fact they're on Link's side the entire time, and maybe Kohga willingly throws himself down a hole for all the Zonai/TOTK shenanigans when the time comes.

The reason he isn't leading the Yiga Clan in this world is simply because his ancestor chose differently, and a DIFFERENT person's ancestor decided they weren't going to throw away everything for some old king's comfort. That ancestor founded the Yiga Clan instead, and now someone else leads them in the present day.

The new Master's title is Ordona, because I didn't just want to switch Kohga and Maz Koshia around. And also because reasons. Like the main timeline, it's a title passed down to whoever succeeds the previous master, it's just a result of the original ancestor having a different name.

Master Ordona's moveset is pretty much the same, summoning balls, shields, teleporting. All Sheikah Monks learn the same magics, and I can only assume original Kohga's ancestor had been a monk and that's why he and Maz Koshia have such similar battles.

Anyway. Differences in all the Master Ordonas aside, the current Master Ordona is a technically canon character in the series, just not one that appears in BOTW/TOTK. All I'll say is that it's a twist of fate they ended up as Master Ordona, something that never would've happened if their ancestor hadn't been one of the original Yiga way back when. The current Master Ordona speaks only when necessary, is much more of a physical fighter when pushed, but much prefers appearing out of nowhere to spook an opponent and whisper cryptic lines in their ear. Repeatedly.

When did they end up as Master Ordona? Way too young, probably. The Calamity happened, they lived over a hundred years, and now in BOTW they steal the Thunder Helm just to lure in Link. It's a calculated move, but boy are the Yiga bad at math.

Not engineering though, seeing all the stuff they do just a few years later with Zonai tech. And perhaps their rivalry with Link is a little more playfully malicious, up until Master Ordona is genuinely upset. One can only hope that doesn't happen, it takes a lot to piss off the current Master Ordona.

And you really don't wanna genuinely upset the guy who has control over shadows and an entire clan of ninjas.

But, Link being Link, survives this. Because of course he does.

[agentnico]

Longlegs (2024) review

His legs aren’t THAT long, jeez.

Plot: FBI Agent Lee Harker is assigned to an unsolved serial killer case that takes an unexpected turn, revealing evidence of the occult. Harker discovers a personal connection to the killer and must stop him before he strikes again.

Before we get to the movie itself I must applaud Neon for giving this film such a stellar marketing campaign. Most common complaint about modern day trailers is that they show too much of the movie. They’re essentially summaries of the entire film, giving away every major set piece, with the whole narrative showcased from beginning to end, leaving little to the imagination. Makes one wonder why even it’s worth seeing the actual movie when you’ve already essentially been spoiled. Hence why Neon’s advertising strategy for Longlegs stands out so much. Throughout the last half of the year they have been releasing small 10 second untitled cryptic teaser snippets that intentionally left the premise vague, as discontinuous editing was employed to display snapshots of brutal murders, ominous world building and nightmarishly surreal images of primal fears including snakes and blood. In fact, those teasers didn’t even show the film’s title, just the release date. Then there were the billboards that had a phone number that, if you called, you’d get to hear Nicolas Cage. Speaking of Cage, again the teasers don’t really show him at all, allowing for the build up of his mysterious character to be left till the audience were in the cinema seats. Then when the early reviews came out, praises were hailed as well as comparisons to Silence of the Lambs, so naturally expectations were high.

Unfortunately, the truth is much more disappointing: Longlegs is just another run-of-the-mill, albeit well-executed, serial killer film. It’s evident that director Oz Perkins took inspiration from the aforementioned Silence of the Lambs, as well as the ambiance and possession themes of David Lynch’s iconic series Twin Peaks. However unlike those films there is a lack of urgency or mythos here, with the FBI agent feeling somewhat unimportant to the grand scheme of the story, and Maika Monroe’s acting is as plain as a cardboard. That shtick worked for her in 2014’s thriller The Guest, as there she played a moody teenager, however in Longlegs she simply comes off wooden. Look, all I’m saying is she’s no Jodie Foster. There too is a lack of backstory or explanation in regards to the supernatural elements, and I feel like the film wouldn’t have hurt having an extra scene or two to delve deeper into Longlegs’ powers and his origins.

I love Nicolas Cage. He’s one of the greatest actors working today, and truly is one of my favourites as he manages to elevate any film he is in to another level. As Longlegs he is fantastic. They use his expressionistic style of acting very cleverly here, by making him quite over the top with his voice, but done is a creepily eerie and weird way and scenes with him are great. However, as per the marketing and the first half of this movie, Longlegs is mostly hidden from the view of the audience. We see corners of his face or him blurred out in the background, and I feel like that mystery added to the hidden uncomfortable nature of his character. So when we do finally get to see him, Cage is on top form however the make-up department have given him this mask to wear and it looks really cheap. Evidently they had a limited budget with this film, but that’s why the technique of showing a bit less worked more than showing the entire thing, as he does look kind of goofy. Also, Cage is really under-used here. Already mentioned about the lack of backstory, but also in general he’s only in maybe 3-4 scenes but isn’t allowed space to delve too deeper into the demonic mindset of this character.

I do appreciate Oz Perkins’ directing style, as the cinematography was solid and he has some fun with changing the aspect ratio throughout the film to create a sense of claustrophobia, and each scene is filled with that unsettling sense of paranoia, however the movie does suffer from a slow overdrawn pace, and the central mystery in reality is so predictable you can guess what’s happening a mile away. Then when the movie ends fairly abruptly, there’s definitely a lack of satisfaction when it’s over.

It does feel that due to the effective hyped up marketing and the comparisons to Silence of the Lambs have built this movie up to being something truly spectacular, when in reality it’s an okay serial killer flick with elements of the supernatural that has moments of greatness, primarily due to Nicolas Cage, even though, again, his legs aren’t even that long.

Overall score: 6/10

[inzsanewrites]

AISHA Sein Headcanons

Honestly it’s mental gymnastics 25/8

You have to be your guard not for your own sake but someone else’s when ever he says something a little too courteous

He’s a little overprotective in a scheming way as in if someone messes with you he plays the long game of suffering to nip them in the butt

It’s not really a requirement but it would be nice if you got along with Aisha or at least Nemo

If you’re a dog person you’re free to play with Arthur, but if you prefer cats he’ll go out of his way to borrow Aisha and Aida’s cat for you

Would 200% do something illegal for you, you don’t even need to ask

It’s okay if you don’t understand his double meanings or see through his lies but if you can you should be very concerned

One large thing is that Sein has yandere traits that stick out like a sore thumb when he’s not careful and that’s your problem now

Get a little too annoyed with his tricks and he’ll keep it subtle and more hidden

He’s a bit doting in the way he’s always asking you what you want before he’ll make weird events happen and whatever you wanted just ends up right in your arms

PDA is limited as in his time period the most he would do is offer you his arm

Whenever you talk to long to someone or seem are little too interested he cuts in (like a gentleman) and politely ‘asks’ to be a part of the discussion

It is jealousy? You don’t know because he’ll either outright say it or be all cryptic about someone’s hand accidentally going a little lower than expected

Even if you have an IQ of 210 don’t try to figure out his motive because it’s just confusing as hell

A/N: This is adult Sein and I used Sein instead of Sean because I prefer the spelling ( ◕‿‿◕ )

[originalwinnercheesecake]

Gustholomule: spoilers for For the Future

So we saw Matty again, got lots of him interacting with Gus and Gus friends, and we learn about three new things about him

Spoilers below

1.) He is actually a real good Leader/planer/strategist when he works at it. Wow. Well the planing thing I guess we did have some proof. His take over of the HAS was really well planed, and adapted, especially for a 13 year old who was in a completely new environment and didn’t know any allies/have friends who he knew for a fact would take his side.

Still on a note. I said in my Gus Appreciation post that the HAS club was Gus (unintentionally) at his worst. That he said he created it so he could “build a place were everybody had a voice” but if you look at the way he ran his club (only he brought things in, only he could touch things, he made himself a crown, and referred to voting as “anarchy’,) it seems more like he wanted to create a place where he was in charge of older kids and they had to listen to him. I also said that I believed leaving the club was necessary for Gus’s maturity, and that Mattholomule would be just as immature and unfair a leader as Gus. Just as surprising to me as Matt having such good ideas and plans for “New Hexsides” refuge camp, is seeing that he crossed out some of Gus’s more unfair rules and made the club more inclusive towards all members. I misjudged you Matty. Your a good club President. But you know Gus better now, you’ve seen that Gus has matured and become more considerate since. Please let him back in as a subordinate member.

2.) Matty is a dramatic AF who used a (easily smudging) marker to draw facial hair on himself, tried to get people to call him Man-Tholomule (buddy no one will ever call you that), and used a bad “dramatic twist “ theater line in the big fight when addressing a robot. HAHAHA

3.) The Big one... His name is actually Matt Tholomule. All those times when the fandom asked “ Why does he have such a weird first name?”, “How did his parents come up with it?”, “His Brother is named Steve. IS Steve short for something weird? How do you get one child with a name like “Steve” and then the next is named “Mattholomule”. Times I have personally searched his name on Tumblr and thought “ at least him having such a made up first name makes searching a character without a last name much easier”. (Note I have the  same thoughts on Skara’s name. Is her full name going to turn out to be Skar A?). 

But back to the matter at hand, here is one more reason, besides fan’s questions on the difference of the half brothers names, besides this meaning that the ship name Gustholomule is actually Gus’s first name attached to Matt’s last name. Even besides what that one genius poster pointed out about how Matt always calls Gus “Au-Gus-Tus” with the syllables spaced out and suggested that that was Matt trying to give Gus a really cryptic, unhelpful, hint to try putting more space in his name.

No it’s also funny because of this picture on Gus’s wall.

Matt has a party hat, so we know this was a birthday. Matt being the one in front, the one sitting down, and the absence of Willow and Luz implies that this is Matt’s birthday, and Gus is visiting his house to help celebrate it. Let’s think about that for a moment.

Did Matt’s cake not have “Happy Birthday Matt” written on it? Or if it did did Matt say/Gus think that it just said Matt because Mattholomule would take to mch room? There was nowhere in the house where Matt’s name was written out correctly and nothing saying “Tholomule Family” on it? Neither of Matt’s parents introduced themselves to Gus as “Mr./Mrs. Tholomule”? No confusion was expressed by one of them as to why Gus called their son by his full name? If Steve was able to be there he never pulled Gus to the side and said “Hey FYI Tholomule is actually our last name. My brother’s first name is just Matt.”? Going over all of that, I can only assume that Matt told is family about his little prank before inviting Gus over, and they all played along. Which would mean that the entire Tholomule family are devious, prankster, gremlins, not just Matt. This is a fact that I feel needs to be acknowledged.

Oh lastly while we are on the subject of Matt’s family this name thing just makes me think more that Mason, the construction head, is the Steve & Matt’s father and shared parent. Matt was running his father’s booth in “Covention Day” while Mason outfitted new members with construction seals.  The only reason I can think of as to why such a young, inexperienced, and unsigled, witch-let would be representing a coven subgroup at such a big event: he was helping his parent. Then Mason came back before the Emperor’s coven show, because Matt wanted to attend and to try and see Steve. The reason Mason’s last name was not on the coven list, was because if we saw Mason Tholomule it would have spoiled the joke to early.