#send help i have fallen in love with fan based characters

[maudiemoods]

Put them in some silly outfits! Plus an actual colored drawing of updated eclipse kdksks

Hrnnrnrn I'm in love with them

[rose-sophia-isabella-rogers]

A Tale of Stolen Hearts: Chapter XV - There's No Me Without You

Chapter Summary: Can you save Aleksander from Alina, her followers… and himself?

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader, Wylan Hendriks/Jesper Fahey, Alina Starkov/Mal Oretsev, David Kostyk/Genya Safin, Ivan/Fedyor Kaminsky

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Zoya Nazyalensky, Tolya Yul-Bataar, Kaz Brekker, Wylan Hendriks, Nina Zenik, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Alina Starkov, Mal Oretsev, Nikolay Lantsov, Tamar Yul-Bataar, David Kostyk, Genya Safin, Baghra Morozova, Nadia Zhabin, Adrik Zhabin, Ivan, Fedyor Kaminsky

Word Count: 3986

A/N: This chapter contains a bit of the plot from episodes seven and eight of season two. Enjoy!

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

With the Neshyenyer in your hands, you set off to Ravka. Once you get closer to Prince Nikolay's base, you have to split up. Aleksander has once more expanded the Fold. Men go to help out the attacked soldiers and Grisha, while the women search for Alina Starkov.

You finally find her, about to be taken away by a nichevo. Inej saves her with the Neshyenyer and they hug, happy to be reunited.

'Yes, yes. Happy reunion,' Zoya says, making Alina and her male companion, who you were told is called Mal, look up and see her on the ship. 'Can we get on with it?'

'Zoya, thank you,' Alina says, grateful. 'If you'd been a moment later, we- Oh, hello.'

Nina has showed up next to Zoya. Alina did not expect new faces.

'You know I'm not one to resist dramatic timing,' Zoya says.

'I remember you,' Alina says to Nina. 'You were on the ship to Ketterdam.'

'Nina Zenik,' Nina introduces herself. 'Heartrender. Big fan.'

'He's in the Fold,' you say to Zoya, showing up next to her. Alina and Mal are surprised to see more unknown people.

'You I don't know,' Alina says. You smile wryly.

'[Y/N] [L/N], also a Heartrender,' you introduce yourself. Mal and Alina look at you with wide eyes.

'Sankta [Y/N]?' Mal asks in awe. You roll your eyes. Nina chuckles next to you, while Zoya smirks.

'I wish people would stop calling me that,' you groan. 'Anyway, don't we have things to do?'

'We need to get further into the Fold to destroy it,' Alina says, nodding.

'Hop on then,' Zoya says. Mal grabs Alian's arm when she's about to go and they have a quiet conversation. Then Mal grabs his gun that's on the ground and they follow Inej onto the ship. Since it's a flying ship, you get into the air and fly, with Zoya's help, toward the heart of the Fold. Alina's sun abilities protect you from the Volcras. Not that they don't try to kill you.

'So, what's your plan now?' Zoya asks you.

'You know me,' you answer. 'I'm going to improvise.'

'Do you know where more or less is he?' Zoya asks. 'I wouldn't like to suddenly be attacked by his nichevo'yai.'

'He's there,' you answer. 'At the heart of the Fold. The closer we get, the louder is his heartbeat.'

'Great,' Zoya murmurs. 'He's planning a sneak attack, then.'

'Well, so are we, right?' Nina, who knows about your plan to occupy Aleksander, says. 'He does not expect [Y/N] to be with us.'

You force a smile. Alina tells Zoya to keep going in this direction. You are close. You can feel and hear it, too.

'Zoya… if everything goes well and you won't find us… don't look for us,' you say quietly, looking at the Squaller. She looks at you for a moment.

'You have my word,' she promises. 'Just make sure he won't be a threat to Ravka again.'

You nod, also promising to her. Nina takes your hand and squeezes it. You send her a smile. If anyone can understand you it's her, who's fallen in love with a Fjerdan.

Soon you are descending. You are at some ruins. You get down from the ship. You take in a deep breath, preparing for the coming confrontation. You're a little scared, because you will have to leave Alina's sun protection. But you hope you can manage a few attacking Volcras.

'Well, good luck, then, Miss Starkov,' you say and march toward the place you can hear the sound of Aleksander's heartbeat coming from.

'Where are you going?' Alina asks, puzzled. Mal is surprised as well. Inej frowns. You haven't told her what you're planning to do.

'To occupy certain Shadow Summoner, so you could destroy the Fold,' you answer, not stopping.

'He's here, then,' Alina says, her face hardening.

'Wait, on your own?' Mal asks, frowning. You stop and send him a small smile from behind your back.

'He won't hurt me,' you assure him and resume walking. 'But Volrcas might.'

'How do you even know he's there?' Alina asks. You stop but don't turn.

'Because I know he's heartbeat like I know my own,' you answer. 'I've been hearing it ever since we entered the Fold. I'll occupy him, but you must hurry.'

'What is he to you?' Alina asks, frowning. You turn your head. You smile at her sadly with tears in your eyes.

'He is my universe,' you answer and continue walking.

'After all of this is done, I'll tell you their tragic love story,' you hear Zoya's voice. 'My favourite part is when she's almost sacrificed by some weird cultists.'

You smile, happy that Zoya is still the same as you knew her years ago. You brace yourself. You take in a deep breath and leave the safe cocoon of Alina's powers. No more turning back now. Time to have a serious conversation with one Aleksander Kirigan.

*

Aleksander watches from the shadows how Alina and Mal, who's turned out to be an amplifier, embrace and kiss. Alina's powers manifest, more powerful and beautiful than ever before. At first, he is in awe at that display. But then he remembers how he kissed someone like that. His heart clenches. How he wants to do that again…

'Wishing it was you instead of Mal?' he hears a familiar voice behind him. But it can't be. You're not here. It is just his imagination playing tricks on him.

'I wish we could kiss like that again,' he says, so much desperate to hear your voice he's willing to play along with his imagination. 'You and me.'

'Well, I'm not stopping you,' you say. Aleksander takes in a deep breath and turns, fully expecting not to find you here. And yet he knows he will feel disappointment. However, you are here. Standing not far away from him with a soft smile on your face.

Aleksander blinks. His imagination is better than he thought. He can actually see you. Or maybe he has actually completely gone mad. A small flicker of hope ignites in him, suggesting him it's actually you. But he crushes it completely. Hope is a lie. An illusion.

'You say you want to kiss me and yet you stare at me like I'm a stranger,' you say, trying to mask your hurt. 'I seem remember you telling me we can't go back to how we used to be.'

Aleksander frowns. But he still doesn't believe it. He can't take it. He closes his eyes.

'Why are you tormenting me?' he asks. 'You're not real. Go away.'

You stare at him, blinking. Slowly, you understand.

'Am I to understand you often have visions of me?' you ask. 'Should I be flattered or worried?'

'Go away,' Aleksander whispers. 'I can't… do this now. I have to…'

'Aleksander…' you say softly and bring your hands together. Aleksander gasps when his heart speeds up a bit and then slows down. He opens his eyes wide. You smile slightly with tears in your eyes.

'I am here,' you say. 'I'm real. See for yourself.'

You extend your hand to him. He stares at it, still not wanting to believe it.

'Oh, come on, you idiot,' you say, not sure if you're more irritated or amused. 'Just take it.'

Aleksander flinches. Hesitantly, he takes a step forward. Then another. And a few more. Finally, his hand is above yours. He is still for a moment. Then, he slowly touches your hand. You smile and almost cry, happy to finally feel him again.

Aleksander, on the other hand, is shocked. He can actually feel you. He grabs your hand. He still feels it. He looks up at you, startled.

'[Y/N]…' he whispers. 'It's… it's really you.'

'Hello, Aleksander,' you say and chuckle. 'Long time no see.'

You gasp when you're suddenly pulled into an embrace. Tears fall from your eyes. You shut them close and hug him tightly. You finally feel safe and sound.

'You're actually here,' Aleksander whispers and pulls away slightly, just to look into your face. He's crying as well. You smile and nod. He leans down and his lips touch yours. You sigh and return the kiss.

'Oh, how I longed to kiss you,' he whispers and joins your lips again. But you both need to breathe, so after a moment he pulls away. As if remembering something, he quickly turns his face. Yours softens, when you understand why he did that.

'Aleksander,' you say quietly, cupping his cheek. You force him to turn his face, but he avoids your eyes. With your other hand you trace the scars on his face. He flinches but doesn't pull away.

'You're still handsome to me,' you say. 'And I'm not just saying that. Feel for yourself.'

You take his hand and place it on your chest. He can feel your heart beating fast. He manages a weak smile. Then, he stiffens. He grabs your arms, looking at you with alarm.

'What are you doing here?' he asks. 'If you're seen…'

'Well, my banishment hasn't been officially revoked… but I got a promise it will,' you explain. 'I did what I was supposed to for that, so I'm safe.'

'What did you do?' Aleksander asks, frowning. You shake your head.

'It doesn't matter now,' you say. He nods.

'You're right,' he says and kisses your hands. 'I can't wait to catch up with you. But there's something I must do first.'

'Face Alina Starkov?' you ask. 'Expand the Fold? Destroy your enemies? Really, Aleksander.'

Aleksander clenches his jaw. He caresses your cheek.

'I don't expect you to understand,' he says. 'Not now. Give me a moment and I promise I will explain everything to you. Just… please, wait.'

'I did,' you say, hurt creeping into your voice. 'I waited for you. But you didn't show up. You promised to come and you never did.'

Aleksander looks away in shame. He knows what you mean. You were supposed to meet some time ago. But he didn't. Because he met Alina and focused on her.

'I'm sorry,' Aleksander says quietly. 'I know I hurt you. That was never my intention.'

'Then why did you do this?' you ask, shaking your head. 'Why are you doing all of this?'

'I didn't want you to be in danger,' Aleksander answers. 'My plans to expand the Fold… my enemies could use you against me, hurt you. That's why I pushed away. But know that every day without you was agony.'

'How can I believe you?' you ask. 'I heard rumours, you know. That you and Alina got really close. I mean, I'm not surprised. You finally found your equal. But I deserved at least a proper explanation.'

'It was never like that. Alina… She charmed me, yes. But you're the one who stole my heart, remember? My little thief. I wanted her to trust me. To rely on me. So we could together make this world a better place for Grisha. That's why I'm doing all of this.'

'And how did that work out? Because of your expansion of the Fold, Grisha were hunted in Ravka. Now you have them divided. You forced them to fight against each other. This is not the way, Aleksander.'

'Sadly, there is no other way. Not for me.'

'Then let someone else look after the Grisha. You've done enough for them. I'm not justifying what you did centuries ago. But I wasn't there, I can't judge your decision. However, I know that you created a safe place for Grisha and looked after them. But maybe it's time for another way. For another person to take over.'

Aleksander stares at you. His face is blank.

'You know, then,' he says.

'That you're the Black Heretic?' you ask. 'Yes. I just wish you told me that yourself. Why didn't you? Were you afraid I would leave? Or wouldn't understand?'

'Both, I think,' Aleksander answers. You take his hands in yours.

'No matter what you did, I will always love you,' you say. 'I promised you that, remember? I stay by it. You made me feel loved for the first time. You fought for me. Let me fight for you now. Please. Please, I can't fight against you. But don't make me fight against my friends, either.'

Tears fall from your eyes again. Aleksander swipes them away with pain in his eyes. He hates to see you hurt. And now he's the cause of this…

'No matter what I do, this is the end for me,' he says. 'I-'

He suddenly starts coughing. He bends over and can't stop. You grab him, worried.

'Aleksander?' you ask. 'Aleksander! What's wrong?!'

'It's the price… for creating them…' he says between coughs. 'Nichevo'ya. For using merzost.'

He lifts his head and looks at you. Slowly, you touch his chest. Your lip trembles.

'You're dying,' you whisper. 'It's polluted you. Oh, Aleksander, why? Why did you do this to yourself? Why did you create them?'

'To see you,' Aleksander answers, surprising you. 'When I was in the Fold… alone… surrounded by Volcras… all I could think was how much I wish I could see you one more time. And I created them. To help me find my way to you.'

'You're just saying this to manipulate me,' you whisper after a moment. Aleksander shakes his head. He cups your face.

'I have never tried to manipulate you,' he promises. 'Check my heartbeat. You know I can't lie to you.'

You barely hold yourself together. You touch his chest again and focus on his body.

'If I could… save you…' you say slowly, '… what would you do?'

'What would you want me to do?' Aleksander asks, caressing your cheek. You think about your hallucination.

'We could go to Novyi Zem,' you say. 'We could both start over. Somewhere where no one knows us. We could be anyone. We can leave all of Ravka's business to Prince Nikolay and Alina. And others. We could just… finally be together.'

'Is it really what you want?' Aleksander asks quietly. You look him in the eyes.

'I just want you,' you answer and gulp. 'Please. I can't lose you.'

'They won't let us leave,' Aleksander says after a moment. You shake your head.

'Zoya promised they would,' you answer. Aleksander is surprised by it. You cup his face, looking at him pleadingly.

'Tell me what do you want, Aleksander,' you say. He takes in a shaky breath. He looks you in the eyes.

'I want… I want to… find peace,' he finally says quietly. 'And for a moment, I swear I did. With you. But then… the royal family took you from me. Killing the King and his oldest son was pleasure because of this.'

'We can be together now,' you say. 'Please… If I can give you peace again… let me do it.'

'There is nothing than I want more,' Aleksander says and shakes his head. 'But even if I said "yes"… merzost can only be undone by more merzost… and I can't let you do this.'

'You forget about two things,' you say. 'First: I'm the most powerful Heartrender you've ever met. And since merzost is now polluting your body, I can manipulate it. Two: I'm also the best thief you've ever met. I am going to steal that merzost from your body.'

Aleksander can't help but smile. You look at him pleadingly. He takes in a shaky breath. He nods.

'Alright,' he says. 'Give it a try. If you succeed… we'll go together to Novyi Zem. And start over together.'

You smile through your tears. Just then the Fold around you disappears. You both look up and see sky and sun.

'She did it,' you say in awe. Then you straighten up. You put your hands over his chest and focus. You can feel merzost in his body. You force it to comply to your will.

Aleksander gasps and groans. A momen later a nichevo forms in front of you. Your eyes go wide. It hovers menacingly over you.

'Leave her alone!' Aleksander shouts, panicked. 'No!'

'You can't control them, can you?' you ask, seeing the nichevo is still preparing to attack you.

'Not when they think someone is threatening me,' Aleksander says and looks at you pleadingly. 'Stop it. Please. Before it will…'

He doesn't end the thought. You push your will on merzost harder. Aleksander screams. Nichevo throws itself at you.

*

Alina and others stare at the sky and laugh in joy. Alina and Mal hug tightly. Then others join them.

'So, she actually did it,' Mal says. 'She occupied Kirigan.'

'Looks like it,' Zoya says. 'Nina, can you hear-'

'INEJ!' they hear a terrified scream. Inej's head snaps toward it. Her eyes go wide and she bolts forward. Others look where she looked and gasp.

You're both on your knees now. Aleksander desperately tries to keep the nichevo away from you, while you try to quickly free him from merzost. You nearly scream when nichevo pounces on you. Aleksander does scream.

But then nichevo is destroyed. You see Inej with the Neshyenyer raised, breathing heavily. You exhale, relieved.

'Thank you,' you gasp. She nods. You notice others joining her. They all frown at you. Aleksander grunts and his head falls on your shoulder.

'Shh… I know, I know,' you whisper. 'I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…'

'What are you doing?' Nina asks, frowning.

'He's dying,' you answer after a moment. 'Because of merzost. I'm trying to get it out of his body.'

You bite your lip. Your body is straining itself. It is not easy to heal Aleksander. Merzost is fighting back. But you have never backed out of a challenge.

You don't even notice when more people arrive. Prince Nikolay, Kaz, Jesper, Wylan, Tolya, his sister Tamar, David, Genya Safin, Aleksander's mother Baghra, Nadia Zhabin and her brother Adrik and few soldiers from the First Army. They all stare at you, stunned.

'[Y/N] [L/N],' Nikolay says, frowning.

'She helped us get the Neshyenyer,' Tolya says quickly.

'And she's being occupying Kirigan while I was destroying the Fold,' Alina adds. Nikolay looks at them and then nods.

'But what is she doing now?' Wylan asks. 'Is she killing him?'

'On the contrary,' Zoya denies. 'She's trying to save him.'

'Why would she do that?' Jesper asks, puzzled.

'Because he's her universe,' Nina answers with a small, sad smile. Others but the ones that were in Shu-Han barely understand it. Well, they do understand you must love him, but the full meaning of it only your companions understand.

Trying to get merzost out of Aleksander is keeping you so focused on it you don't really hear the conversation around you. It's hard. So very hard. You feel your whole body straining, your breath becomes short and laboured. Your eyes are clenched shut. Drops of sweat form on your forehead and fall down your cheeks. Aleksander cups your cheek and presses his forehead to yours, also breathing heavily.

'[Y/N], please, stop,' he whispers. 'You're going to kill yourself. Please, just let me go and live your life. For me.'

'You can be so daft sometimes,' you whisper and open your tears-filled eyes. 'There's no me without you.'

Aleksander looks at you with pain, tears in his eyes as well. You close your eyes. But a moment later you open them again with a gasp, when you feel a sudden surge in power in you. You turn your head, surprised.

Baghra stares at you with so many emotions in her eyes. Her hand is on your arm. She's amplifying you. Aleksander is stunned by it as well.

'Mother?' he gasps. Baghra smiles slightly.

'Hush, child, and let her do what she set out to do,' she says and looks at you. 'I must say, you may be the only person who made my son kneel.'

You laugh at that. Aleksander looks at you fondly.

'There's no one like her,' he says quietly. You smile at him and close your eyes again. A second later you feel his lips pressed to yours and feel even more amplified. You would gasp from the feeling of power if your lips weren't occupied.

Others watch in awe how you pull merzost from Aleksander's body. He's gasping and grunting in pain. Your hands move, fighting with the thing polluting him. While some have mixed feelings about saving him, they can't bring themselves to stop you, seeing how much you fight for him, even at the cost of your own health.

Finally, a black viscous substance leaves his body and he takes in a deep breath. He's stunned how well he suddenly feels. His strength is back in him.

'You did it,' he says to you, stunned. He wants to kiss you, hug you and hide you from the world. But then you wheeze weakly and fall into his arms. He barely manages to catch you.

'[Y/N]?!' he asks, panicked. He turns you to see your face. He's terrified to see how pale you are. Your breath is short and your heartbeat slow. He knows this time you're not faking it.

'Saints, no, don't do this to me again, [Y/N],' he pleads, tears back in his eyes. 'Please!'

You don't hear much after that. You don't know what is happening around you. You don't feel how your body is moved in different position. But suddenly you feel your life coming back to you, causing you to open your eyes with a gasp.

'Saints, [Y/N],' Aleksander says with relief. You look at him and touch his tear-stained cheek. You smile and caress it. He grabs your hand and turns his head to press a kiss to it.

'Are you okay?' he asks quietly. You nod.

'I just need a nap,' you assure him. 'This nap may or may not take a few days.'

Aleksander chuckles at that. Then you notice four people kneeling around you, the reason your life didn't end. Nina, Genya and two familiar Heartrenders.

'Fedyor! Ivan!' you exclaim happily, pushing away from Aleksander, who is taken aback by that. You throw your arms around your two friends. Fedyor laughs at that and hugs you back. Ivan as well, but without laughing.

'Where have the two of you been?' you ask. 'I was really surprised not to find you two glued to this one here.'

'Ah, yes, someone got injured in the Fold and it took time for him to recover,' Fedyor says, glancing at Ivan, who indeed has some scars on him. 'And when we got here, the party was over.'

'Be glad it was,' Zoya murmurs. Just then you notice another familiar face.

'David!' you laugh and stand up to hug smiling David. 'You're here, too!'

'It's good to see you, too, [Y/N],' David says. Your smile falls when you notice something. Mal is eyeing Aleksander cautiously, his hand gripping tightly his gun.

'Mal, point that gun at Aleksander and I will kill you very painfully,' you threaten, causing everyone to jump. 'Then Alina will kill me and Aleksander will kill her, then someone will kill him and probably there will be more dead bodies. So, put that away. No more dead bodies for today.'

Mal reluctantly takes his hand from his gun. You nod, satisfied. Just then you feel the adrenaline leaving you.

'I think I need to take that nap now,' you say and spread your arms. 'Kiri, catch me.'

Aleksander throws himself to you as your legs give out. He barely manages to catch you before you hit the ground. He sighs, exasperated.

'You're still not done with that nickname?' he asks.

'After the chaos you created?' you ask. 'You deserve at least me using that nickname.'

Aleksander shakes his head, but there's a fond smile on his face. You return it and feel sleep taking you in its possession.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could.

This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47256868/chapters/120767452

[lady-bess]

Just A Date - Agent Ortega

Part of the LadyBess Valentine's special! 8 Characters; 8 Dates 💜

Agent Ortega x GN!Reader Mature/18+ (Minors DNI Please✨) WC: 2.8k Notable Tags: Running Away, New Lives, SFW, Reader is a Whore, Sorry, Soft Ortega, Caring Ortega, Obscene Levels of Fluff, Forbidden Romance, Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Relationships, Reference to Drinking, References to Prostitution.

And last, but certainly not least, is our Pinkerton! Unlike Jack, Agent Ortega is a genuine cowboy (sorry, honey, but he’s a freaking Pinkerton!). And while his appearance in the Pedro Pascal Cinematic Universe was brief (i.e. a single pilot episode of The Sixth Gun), you best believe this author still managed to take a liking to him (and who is shocked?).

I’ve made it my own head canon that there is a link between Ortega and Jack before, but for now let’s go back to the basics! This one-shot will be based on the limited information we know, plus a bit of fan-canon!

Happy valentine’s, my lovelies, however it is you choose to spend it!

A/N: I was unsure about Ortega’s timeline and Valentine’s Day being something to mention, but I found in my research that by the 1850’s it was popular to send what we now know as Valentine’s cards! In 1856, the following was published to the New York Times;

"Our beaux and belles are satisfied with a few miserable lines, neatly written upon fine paper, or else they purchase a printed Valentine with verses ready-made, some of which are costly, and many of which are cheap and indecent.

"In any case, whether decent or indecent, they only please the silly and give the vicious an opportunity to develop their propensities, and place them, anonymously, before the comparatively virtuous. The custom with us has no useful feature, and the sooner it is abolished the better."

I just found it rather amusing, so thought I’d share with y’all!

Now, where were we? Ah, yes; off to Brimstone!

February 14th, 1889

Ortega opened the doors to The Silver Palace, Brimstone, hoping to find you here before it was too late. He didn’t approve of you working in a place like this, but times were tough out here in the West, and he could hardly fault you for doing what you had to in order to survive. That still didn’t mean he liked the thought of others having their way with you in exchange for a few measly cents. His job meant that he knew, intimately, the lives of the people in this town. And what he did know about the men and women who came your way was that they were often more of the unsavoury nature.

He wanted to protect you so badly, even though you were fiercely independent and insisted you didn’t need his help. That had always been your dynamic, though. He would pay you for your time, not your body, and somewhere along the way you’d gone and fallen in love. Your boss would forbid you from ever seeing Ortega again if they knew that the two of you were involved with each other beyond an exchange of services, so you kept things quiet.

But tonight, of all nights, he wanted to get to you first.

And, if this went to plan, you’d never have to work at The Silver Palace again.

He scanned the sea of faces that met him as he entered the establishment, eyes desperately searching for yours to meet his. A panic began to rise in his chest, a tightness, a despair, as for a moment he was met with nothing but vacant expressions from other patrons. People who were probably waiting around for someone like you to become available, so for ten minutes they could forget about their woeful existence and treat you like an object just so that they could feel like that had an ounce of power in this world.

But Ortega did have power. And tonight, he was using it.

“Fuck,” he hissed, sucking in his lip and biting down a little too hard as he searched for you, pushing past others who were drunk out of their own minds on moonshine, and other alcohol likely not made legally. Prohibition can get them later, he thought as he traversed through the crowd.

And then, cowering in the corner, there you sat. Surrounded by men and women, various hands trying to take off some of your clothing. One man pulled at the collar of your shirt while another undid your belt buckle. A woman sat on one of the men’s laps kept pouring you drinks, clearly hoping you’d sip enough that you’d lose all inhibitions and just let them have their way.

You looked terrified.

Ortega knew that it wouldn’t work simply asking you to go to a private room with him right now; he would have to either force these people off you or pull out the big guns to assert some form of authority. Fortunately, he came prepared.

“Excuse me?” he said, approaching the table entirely. Behind the fright in your eyes was a slight twinkle, like a glimmer of hope had found its way to the front of your mind, allowing you for a second to believe you were going to be okay.

“Yes, sir?” you spoke, timid as anything, even though you knew you were safe now with Ortega around.

“I hate to impose on such a…beautiful moment between y’all, but you, flower, owe me,” he said, voice dropping slightly so he appeared like a disgruntled customer. It was something the two of you had agreed he could do, especially if he ever found you in a situation that was difficult to get out of. There was nothing that would ruin the party quite like a patron who didn’t think they’d had their fill, and Ortega would use the act whenever he needed you out of a situation as quickly as possible.

“I-I’m so sorry sir, but as you can see I’m a little busy right now,” you said, playing your part as always.

“I thought you might say that,” Ortega began, before reaching into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a small brown leather bag, dropping it to the table. The sound of clattering metal could be heard from inside the bag, indicating it was clearly filled to the brim with money. The eyes of everyone at the table widened, your own included.

“Brought you a little something so you might…prioritise me?” he said, then turned to the men and women sat around you, “I’m sure y’all can understand?”.

The people surrounding you scoffed, shaking their heads before finally getting their hands off you. Ortega smiled at you, reaching his hand out for you to take. Grasping it softly, you allowed him to tug you out from the booth, maintaining the act he had to put on.

“Take your coins, whore, and let’s be having you,” he sneered, and you had to fight back a slight chuckle. Ortega was never anything other than a gentleman with you, and even though your relationship had become physical recently, it was oh so more special in that you actually cared for one another. You grabbed the brown bag with your free hand and nodded at him, then let him tug you along by the hand to one of the private rooms in the back of the building.

He shoved open the door with his hand and dragged you inside. Him letting go of your hand sent you spinning slightly, and as you stabilised yourself he closed the door behind him, bolting it shut. You both breathed out a sigh of relief once the door was closed, and now it was just the two of you together within these four walls.

“I’m sorry, flower, I really do hate doin’ that,” he said, dashing over to you and grabbing you by the waist. “But I hate others being on ya’ even more,” he whispered, before planting a tender kiss on your lips.

You kissed him back fiercely, your hands grasping at his jacket and bunching the material in your fists as your whole body relaxed into his arms. It had only been a couple of weeks since you’d last been able to see each other, but every moment without him by your side was agonisingly painful. There was nobody you wanted in this world except for him – your very own Pinkerton.

“I missed you,” you said softly against his lips, there barely being any space between the two of you to talk. The rim of his bowler hat brushed against your forehead, and you could feel every metal buckle and button that was on his clothing. But after being apart, you couldn’t get closer if you tried.

“I missed you too, my flower,” he said, kissing your cheek as he slipped his arms around you for a tight embrace. “But you don’t gotta miss me no more. I’m taking you out of here,” he said.

You pulled back slightly from your hug to look deep into his coffee coloured eyes. He had a look of sincerity that you’d never before seen, so stern and serious that it borderline scared you. You whispered his name, his real name, while caressing his cheek.

“What are you tryna say?” you asked, speaking quietly so not to alert others in nearby rooms of whatever he was about to say. He smiled at you lovingly, his face softening under the hold of your delicate hands.

“I’m bein’ transferred, flower. I’ll be outta here by morning. And I’m taking you with me,” he said. He slid his hand to cover yours, grasping your fingers softly, and moving to kiss the palm of your hand. His eyes never left yours as he did, wanting to gauge your reaction.

“I- I can’t just leave. Honey, they’ll kill me if they catch me sneaking off. You know they got me bound under that damn contract,” you said, that familiar feeling of being trapped rising. There was nothing more that you wanted to do than to run away and leave Brimstone behind, but you’d heard horrors of other men and women before you trying just that, and paying the price.

“I know, I know,” he sighed, resting his forehead against yours. “But we gotta try, doll. If we don’t then I-,” he sniffled, “then I’ll never see you again,”.

“Ortega…you’d be risking everything. And all for me? A prost-,” you began, but he cut you off.

“No, stop!” he said, eyes watery and pleading, “Don’t call yourself that. You’re so much more, flower. I don’t wanna ever hear you call yourself that again, you understand? I’m freeing you from this Hell,” he said.

You nodded slowly, allowing your lips to gently slip across his, planting a soft kiss there. You breathed the same air as him for a moment, just standing in silence.

“Alright. I won’t say it. But tell me this, love, how are we getting out of here?” you asked. Ortega smiled, a slight grin even, and that mischevious glint in his eye returned.

“I got Agent Mercer outside waiting with a wagon filled with everything we’ll ever need, sweet thing. I hope ya don’t mind, but I also had him pick the lock on your place earlier, and anything valuable he’s packed up for us,” he said. “Darlin’, he’s outside this building now. All we gotta do is slip outta this window and run like Hell.”

Ortega explained every plan like he had a handle on everything, but in a way that was comforting. Right now you wanted to feel like someone did know what they were doing, even if the plan was just to run for your fucking lives. But Ortega trusted Mercer, and if he’d got him on board with the plan then you at least hoped that enough preparations had been made to make this a clean getaway.

Without realising it, you were already nodding along with his plan. Ortega grinned and scooped you up into his arms, lifting you into a hug and spinning you round for a second. You laughed, clinging to his body, and then let him put you down.

“Okay, well, if Mercer already has my valuables then there ain’t nothing in that dump of an apartment I care an iota about. I just need a cloak, and we’re out of here,” you said, heading over to the closet of the room he’d chosen. Normally the two of you went upstairs to a room you often frequented with other patrons, and as such had more clothes of your own in there, but today he’d chosen a ground floor room. Now it made sense why…

“You find something, flower, and I’ll get this window cracked open!” he said, dashing over to the weakest looking frame. The windows weren’t huge, but if he could pop the glass out the frame then you’d both be well on your way.

While he worked away, fiddling with the wooden frame with a couple of tools he’d stashed in his jacket pocket, you opened up the closet. A man’s black woollen shawl was hung up; not yours, you noticed, but it would certainly do you well in the cold weather you’d be travelling in. Ortega hadn’t said where you were going, truthfully you didn’t care, so long as it wasn’t here. But you felt it better safe than sorry, and threw the shawl on for some extra warmth.

With the shawl on, you quickly went through the other drawers. You knew you were basically helping yourself to other people’s possessions, but as you had no plans to ever return, you figured one act of selfishness to get away from a life of selling yourself for next to nothing was the least you were owed. Grabbing a small satchel, you filled it with extra supplies; underwear, predominantly, but also a small handgun that was tucked away in the bottom drawer (something that was stashed in each of the private rooms – just in case).

“How’s that window coming on?” you asked, turning round to see Ortega skilfully just about to set down the glass panel inside the building so not to create noise.

“She’s come along a treat, flower,” he said, setting the glass down and then looking up at you, “Now come on! Grab that money, and let’s go!” he said.

You did as he asked, throwing the satchel over your body and stashing the brown bag of coins he’d given you on the belt of your clothing, securing it in place. You took Ortega’s hand and let him pull you through the window once he’d dropped outside, and then you made a break for it. It would surely not be long before your boss noticed your prolonged absence, given that Ortega didn’t pay them for use of that room all night like he usually did. So, you booked it.

Hand in hand, the two of you barrelled away from The Silver Palace, heading out towards the edge of town where Mercer would be waiting for you. The night was beginning to set in, and with not many gas lamps erected yet there was very limited light. A few homes gave a slight glow out onto the street, but aside from that you both ran together in the dark. Darkness that, eventually, gave way to a few lamps aside a carriage.

It felt like all your birthdays came at once as soon as your eyes lay upon the wagon, two horses at the head of it, readily strung up. Mercer was waiting next to it, fastening down the last of a white sheet which covered all the belongings he’d packed in for you both.

Blood rushed around your body as your heart struggled to keep up with the adrenaline that was coursing through your veins. Ortega kept on dragging you with him, not wanting to risk anything going wrong.

“Ortega! You made it!” Mercer said once you were finally packed up. He tipped his hat towards you as the two of you stood and collected your breath.

“Is it all ready to go?” Ortega asked, and Mercer nodded.

“Yes, sir. All packed up and ready to go. Here, take this,” he said, pulling out a sheet of paper from the inside pocket of his jacket, “It’s a map to where your new place is. Your new lives,” he said, smiling over at you.

“Mercer, we can’t ever thank you enough,” Ortega said, “I wish you well, my friend”.

“Take care of yourself, agent. You too,” Mercer said, tipping his hat towards you.

“Come on, flower, let’s go,” he said, hopping onto one of the horses before reaching down to give you a hand up onto the other. You took his hand and let him help pull you up, before swinging your leg over onto the saddle.

“Alright, you settled?” he asked, and you nodded as you grabbed the reigns.

“Yes, my love. Shall we?” you said.

“Yes,” Ortega grinned, then chuckled, “Oh, flower?” he asked.

“What is it, honey?”.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he said, and you couldn’t help but laugh as you and Ortega set off, carriage in tow, and rode into the night towards your new lives.

For more from this series, check out the Just A Date Masterlist! For more works from me, here's my main Masterlist! ❤

LadyBess xox

[criminalmindsgonewrong]

hunger games anon here and yes!!! so many connections and references it was so overwhelming when the dots connected. i loved lucy gray so much (and im a long time fan of rachel zegler (since she was a junior in hs making yt covers in her bedroom lol) so i am so excited to see her play lucy (and it feels like the PERFECT casting, even just reading the book she is who i pictured).

spoiler for the hanging scene as well but i thought there was absolutely nooo way snow would let it happen. but then again i also thought surely he wouldnt ever ACTUALLY record and send the audio off to the capitol, either. :/. and when he took advantage of the plinths and their money at the end???? ouchhhh.

and when sejanus cried out for his mom..... oh it basically killed me. i put my book down for a good 30 minutes and just processed it.

honestly tbosas might be my fave in the entire series (with catching fire being second). but arguably my favorite thing abt ballad is that we can see snows actual descent into evil, into the snow thats present in the main series.

the way it starts off with him as just a poor, scared kid trying to make his dead parents proud and him having to make sacrifices to get there, to the way he took such pride in his capitol and home without ever realizing it was the capitols fault he was poor and scared and without parents in the first place.

then the way it shifts to him realizing using people to get what he wants is the *only* way to get what he wants, and seeing him accept that, and seeing him use it to his advantage.... sickening.

maybe because its so realistic in the sense that i understand what his thought process was and it really shows that under correct circumstances, that type of thing could happen to anybody.

literally just bone chilling idk.

sorry for writing an actual essay in ur inbox, none of my friends are into thg so this is basically all the thoughts ive kept to myself abt this book for like a year LMAO

yess rachel is great casting!!! unsure about snow's casting bc i dont know the guy, but i'm sure he'll be great! i am very excited about hunter schafer as tigris!!!!

i actually meant the first hanging scene, the one the song is based on!! that connection was just, it overwhelmed me. but yes, i did not expect that for sejanus </3 snow taking advantage of his parents at the end really did sum up how far he had fallen. there was also a line about how he'd taken back the money he sent to tigris and the grandmama, which just summed it up for me. i'd honestly love just a whole book dedicated to tigris because her line about 'be kind coryo, try not to look down on people who had to choose between death and disgrace' hit really hard, and implied so much about her character. how did she go from his most beloved cousin, to helping the mockingjay? i would love that story.

also never ever apologise for an essay in my inbox, i love it!!!!

[cleoenfaserum]

COMA (1978) and the 13th WARRIOR (1999) Michael Crichton series.

What do these two movies have in common? The short answer, nothing. The real answer, Michael Crichton. I have been following Michael Crichton's movies for some time and will continue to do so until I have posted all his movies as a director, movies based on his novels or scripts he has written or participated in based on IMdB list. That is my intention.

The two movies mentioned in the title of the blog are special to me. COMA was a novel I read many years ago by Robin Cook and saw the movie later on. Curiously enough, Robin Cook is also a medical doctor, who I followed and a fan of his, having read many of his long list of books.

Now the 13th Warrior is new to me. But one thing I have in common with the film is the nationality of the main character who appears on the poster, Antonio Banderas, being a Spaniard as I am, sort of makes me proud. Your right, that is not reason enough, but he is a good actor.

Before we get into the story, perhaps it would be wise to have some notion of what is a coma, if you haven't guessed, but in any case, here is a description: GO TO: Coma - Wikipedia

So, let's get to it.

Coma is a 1978 American mystery thriller film based on the 1977 novel of the same name by Robin Cook. The film rights were acquired by director Michael Crichton.

The cast includes Geneviève Bujold, Michael Douglas, Elizabeth Ashley, Richard Widmark, and Rip Torn. Among the actors in smaller roles are Tom Selleck, Lois Chiles, and Ed Harris.

Confessedly, I have a passion for thoroughness. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing, exceeds any statue of limitations sometimes, making my blog unbearably long. The story was adapted again into a two-part television miniseries broadcast in September 2012, but I cannot help myself to look into it and if possible, post it. Coma (1978 film) - Wikipedia

IMdB: 6'9 DRAMA-MYSTERY-THRILLER DURATION: 1h 53m

When a young female doctor notices an unnatural amount of comas occurring in her hospital she uncovers a horrible conspiracy.

918-1 https://ok.ru/video/1918797351551

Coma is a 2012 American television miniseries based on the 1977 novel Coma by Robin Cook and the subsequent 1978 film Coma. It is a four-hour medical thriller released in September, 2012.

The series was directed by Mikael Salomon and produced by Ridley Scott and his brother Tony Scott, the same team that adapted The Andromeda Strain into the 2008 miniseries on A&E. The film is dedicated to Tony Scott, who died in August 2012, only weeks before its broadcast premiere. Coma (American miniseries) - Wikipedia

IMdB: 5'8 DRAMA-MYSTERY-SCI-FI DURATION: 4 hrs.

A young medical student discovers that something sinister is going on in her hospital after routine procedures send more than a few seemingly healthy patients into comas on the operating table.

918-2 https://ok.ru/video/363998808717

918-3 https://ok.ru/video/90663815898

The 13th Warrior is a 1999 American historical fiction action film based on Michael Crichton's 1976 novel Eaters of the Dead, which is a loose adaptation of the tale of Beowulf combined with Ahmad ibn Fadlan's historical account of the Volga Vikings.

It stars Antonio Banderas as ibn Fadlan, as well as Diane Venora and Omar Sharif. It was directed by John McTiernan; Crichton directed some uncredited reshoots. The film was produced by McTiernan, Crichton, and Ned Dowd, with Andrew G. Vajna, James Biggam and Ethan Dubrow as executive producers.

Production and marketing costs reputedly reached $160 million, but it grossed $61 million at the box office worldwide, becoming the biggest box office bomb of 1999, with losses of up to $129 million. The 13th Warrior - Wikipedia

IMdB 6'6 ACTION -ADVENTURE- HISTORY DURATION: 1h 42m

A man, having fallen in love with the wrong woman, is sent by the sultan himself on a diplomatic mission to a distant land as an ambassador. Stopping at a Viking village port to restock on supplies, he finds himself unwittingly embroiled in a quest to banish a mysterious threat in a distant Viking land.

918-4 https://ok.ru/video/3625901099575

[genshin-impact-fics]

Streamer!Genshin Reacting to Character!(Y/N) Dying in Game

!Warning!: Major character deaths & angst

Characters: Diluc, Venti, Childe, & Zhongli

Diluc:

It was a race to get inside one of the bases of the Abyss Order to put a stop to whatever plans they were in the process of executing that could potentially put many lives in danger. Diluc was rather calm while playing though it would be a lie to say that it wasn’t a bit annoying that the route to the domain was timed

It was once inside the domain did things pick up fast as it seemed to be a fighting wave system which after beating the first two rooms there was a short scene where in the end Lisa and Amber stayed behind to hold off the incoming enemies so the rest of the group could go further. It seemed like forever doing some of the puzzles to unlock the doors to reach the next fight

In that fourth room after the defeat of hilichurls and abyss mages did suddenly a short cut scene appear to show the appearance of an Abyss Lector. As remembering how much he hated fighting this guy in the spiral abyss he already knew what he was in for; however that was until your character stepped forward with your weapon ready. Diluc was actually sad to have to leave you behind as he was hoping that you’d be one of the characters that went with him to the very end

“I think I’ve watched enough shows and movies to know what this could be leading up to.” He’d comment to his viewers as he finally reached the destination where the Abyss Herald was. Finishing the fight triggered another cutscene as the traveler’s sibling appeared and was making their small speech, asking if the lives of the “friends” the traveler made were worth losing

Diluc is watching with a straight face as he kinda expected this but the who was what he wasn’t sure about and truthfully the only one he’d be truly heartbroken about is your death, but they wouldn’t kill you now of all times right? Wrong; soon the cutscene finally came across where they had left you and you were leaning against the wall extremely injured with your weapon laying beside you. Diluc is frowning cuz he has to watch you die now

Listening to your final words as you spoke to no one Diluc would sulk in his chair a little. In the last moment before your eyes closed, if you mentioned something about not getting to tell his character your true feelings it is visible that Diluc looks like he wants to cry(but he doesn't). Once the screen showed the mission complete he’d grab the plush he had of your character and hold it looking at his camera. “Of all the characters I thought were going to die, I wasn’t ready for it to be (y/n).” At that point he’d probably call it a day from there but he’d still talk to his viewers as he probably would watch the tribute videos that fans had already made

Venti:

Everything was in chaos as it looked like archon war 2 was going to be taking place, but this time it was a war between the Abyss Order and the Archons. He was heading to Mondstadt to help and to check on you. Dvalin was flying around sending attacks at the abyss members. “Ah traveler there you are!” The sound of your voice as you landed before him; as weird as it was to see you in your archon robes was odd but you looked so good! After a short conversation you had gone flying off and it was time to get back to fighting

Things were looking good as it seemed like they were winning against the abyss order though it wasn’t over yet. It was until up in the air did a cutscene starting showing you and the traveler’s sibling fighting going at it. Venti is so captivated by how serious and cool you look fighting, but it all changed when the sibling landed a blow that caused you to fall from the sky ending up falling into the Whispering Woods

Venti couldn’t run fast enough to get to the woods to check up on you but when he did the first thing he saw was the sibling standing before you. He’s already sad and yelling at the sibling for hurting you though it seemed that now he was there the sibling went and disappeared revealing the real condition you were in. “No, no, no! This better not mean (y/n)’s dying.” He’d say in denial as he’s already starting to cry a little

“A-Ah Windblume h-haha… Sorry you have to see me like this.” Even in a moment like this you gave him such a cheesy grin until you seemed to grimace in pain. “Unfortunately it seems like… This is it for me. As long as the winds blow I will always be with you, so please watch over Mondstadt for me.” Your words were making Venti cry as it was like back in your story quest but only ten times worse. And to think it was already painful as it was your next words that did him in. “Maybe in another life we will find each other again and maybe then we can be together.”

Watching you start to glow until you turned into partials of light till nothing of you was left, Venti is devastated. The chat is crying with him as he’s saying how awful it was that his sibling had killed the love of his life! His viewers are going to send him fanart and fics to look at that was an alternative that you lived in the game

Childe:

It was a big fight with the confrontation of the Fatui Harbingers, facing off against one of the other stronger members that blocked the path to proceed to seeing the Tsaritsa. The boss’ first stage was fine; however during the second stage it seemed after losing a certain amount of health the damage that Childe was dealing significantly decreased.

It was when the cutscene started that Childe was already dreading the foul legacy form he’d be facing this time. You suddenly came out of nowhere and already in your foul legacy form yourself Childe is going crazy over how cool you look; he’s also swooning at the fact that you’ve come to his rescue. The fighting progressed until you landed a successful hit that weakened the other harbinger; however, at that same time the other harbinger managed to hit you with a powerful attack

Childe is screaming at the sight of your mask breaking while you fell to the ground. He’s so glad that his character is running over to check on you instead of the fight picking right up, but he’s already feeling the feels hit him hard cuz he hates seeing you hurt. Seeing you back to normal, the damage you sustained was really bad; then the worst thought came to his mind. “This-This better not be what I think it is,” he’s saying not looking away from the screen listening to you weakly talk

“Haha don’t give me that look sweetie, I couldn’t just let this be where your journey ends.” Hearing those words and the nickname you used for his character was sad. “To think we’d be able to travel together more, but hey… Promise you won’t stop fighting and could you look after my siblings for me.” Childe is literally crying now that the reality of the situation is clear. If he gets a choice of dialog to choose from he is going to pick the choice that says that he pinky promises

If your character smiled at the choice he wanted to smile but he’s also just sad, you were dying in his character's arms. If you had given a small love confession in the little bit of life that was in you, he’s going to ugly sob and once the fight was starting again he needs to pause by going into his bag

Immediately he goes getting his big plush of you and coming back to hug it and cleaning his tears with his sleeve before looking at the camera. “I wasn’t ready for this, my baby!” He was not expecting to be losing you; he figured that some characters would possibly die but you were the last character he thought would be killed off in the game. There’s Fs in the chat all around and the crying emote; it’s sad boi hours in this chili’s. He doesn't wanna do the fight but also he gotta avenge you so this last stage fight was for you. Afterwards he’s gonna go look at fanart and video edits

Zhongli:

After helping some of the other nations and their archon’s fend off the abyss order it was time he headed to Liyue to find you. Of course as usual it wasn’t going to be as easy as running around the harbor until he got word from Xiao that you were in Cuijue Slope. So he headed over to help you before anything seriously bad could happen to you

Getting to the open area there you were fighting against the sibling as you were even in your archon robes. Going in and interrupting the fight his sibling clearly looked annoyed and proceeded to try to get him to side with them which of course he didn’t. A Herald appeared to allow the sibling to get away which the fight with the Herald commenced

Just when Zhongli finished up the fight thinking he had won it strangely went to a cutscene as his character and you started to talk; however it was when the fallen Herald came out of nowhere about to attack his character but must to his surprise you shielded him not only taking the hit, but also using your elemental burst to finish off the enemy. Zhongli is frowning at how badly you were hurt as he already has a bad feeling this wasn’t going to end good; the traveler was helping you sit up after having fallen over

“I’m glad to see that you aren’t hurt my friend.” You said as you certainly have seen better days. “Sadly I believe my time has come… Do not be sad dear friend, I have lived many many years… As knowing you has been life changing. Though rocks change from erosion, know that no time will change how I felt about you.” Your words broke his heart as you had such a soft expression on your face as your body began to glow and before he knew it you turned into particles of light and disappeared. He probably wouldn’t cry at most maybe a tear but he is clearly upset about your passing in game and would take a break to talk to his viewers and maybe look at the fanart that surprisingly had been put out already

[divinefireangel]

They Just Don't Know You

Soft Yandere! Seo Moon-Jo x F! Reader

Disclaimer: This is just a work of fiction. If this piece of fan fiction is offensive to any celebrity, fandom or culture please let me know so I can take it down. Also note that this is my version of a character or celeb, which will vary from person to person.

Author's Note: A 2nd longer fic for our lovely cannibalistic psychopath. I hate that I'm attracted to him. Someone please be my therapist. Or psychiatrist. Honestly doesn't matter. My brain is fucked anyway.

Copyright: Please note that this is my work and if you want to publish this on any other platform, take my permission before doing so. Taking an author's work and posting it somewhere else without any intimation is just disrespectful. I readily welcome suggestions and criticisms. That being said, Happy reading! 🤍

Warnings: 16+ and written for female reader, but all can read. (nothing specified with respect to appearance, etc of reader). Except that I've mentioned reader is short, cuz LDW is tall 🥰. There is a brief mention of sex, but no actual smut. Reader kinda highkey hates on her parents and younger sister. Read it to know. Age gap between reader and Moon-Jo. Slight obsessive thoughts. Manipulative words. I tried to put plot twist in the end, probably you won't notice it 💀. Please please tell me if I need to add more warnings. Do not read if you start to feel uncomfortable. I apologize in advance 🥺

❗❗PLEASE READ WARNINGS ❗❗

Pre-Requisite / Summary: Just a fic based on the song They Just Don't Know You by Little Mix. After watching Strangers from hell I related this song to him for some reason. Reader and Moon-Jo are in an established relationship. And reader's loved ones don't approve.

2.3k ish words My longest fic till date 🥳

" You know that he's too old for you. You can settle for younger, much younger guys for your age sweetheart. If you can't find anyone eligible enough, we will find one for you. And you don't even know if he has intentions of marrying you. What if all he wants is just a fling or some time pass relationship. Hmm? What are you going to do then? "

Sipping her tea silently, Y/N sat next to her dad on the porch swing, listening to all the criticisms he had about Moon-Jo. All his words did was boil her blood. But what could she do when they don't walk in her shoes? They don't know how safe and content she feels when he kisses her like she's the only girl for him in the entire universe. And no point in explaining that to her father anyway. She's tried. And failed. Multiple times.

"Are you done with your tea?" She asks her dad, in desperate attempt to try and get away from him and his words because she knows, and even he knows that it's going to end up in a fight if they continue to speak on the same topic.

Humming yes, he hands her his tea cup which she takes to the kitchen so she can help her mom with dinner. Placing them in the sink upon entering the kitchen, Y/N drags her palms down her face in frustration.

" I could hear what he said you know. Your dad. He's not wrong. Seo Moon-Jo seems like he'll break your heart in three. And we're only looking out for you Y/N. You don't have to go through heartbreak when you can very well avoid it." Her mom finished slowly.

" Why. Why is it so difficult for you to accept the fact that I'm actually in a happy relationship for once in my life. So what if he's much older than I am? He's a dentist. A doctor. A very good profession and he's known and well respected in his neighbourhood too. " Y/N said loud enough for her dad also to hear.

Huffing in annoyance she left the kitchen to go upstairs to her room. Or rather the room she shares with her sister. Of course the door is wide open. The younger rascal is always here for the drama.

Ever since Y/N came out to her family about her relationship with Moon-Jo, her sister has become the favourite child, for obvious reasons. And now eavesdropping with the door wide open? That's a new low. But what else can Y/N expect from such a low life who is literally thriving off her own sister's pain and suffering.

When entering the room, Y/N realizes how big a mistake it was to visit her family. And she did not need such snark from a younger, less experienced child.

"Are you that blinded by " Love " that you don't even see how weird his hair is? A man who isn't an idol or actor doesn't need such long hair. He's clearly a fuckboy. Or man whore. Whichever is right. " She said with disgust.

'She's just jealous. She's just a jealous bitch. They all are.' Y/N thinks to herself.

" At least one of us gets laid regularly. And just so you know, it's absolutely heavenly when he makes me cum over and over on his fingers and his dick-" Y/N said as her tone slowly got lower and darker and her emotion angrier.

Screaming and covering her ears, the younger girl ran downstairs to her mother, no doubt to tattle on her older sister. Rolling her eyes, Y/N started packing her things, all of them, in a bag she took down from the top shelf of the wardrobe.

It's really difficult to leave one's family, but it is clearly getting more and more tiresome to love them nowadays. If it's so wrong to date him, why does Y/N herself not see it? She's a logical and smart young lady. Does her family hate that man so much that they don't even want her to be happy? No matter who she's with. And is it so bad to date a man who's older? Richer? And cares more about her than all of her family members combined?

Wiping the fallen tear stains from her cheek, she just thinks to herself ' They just don't know him. They just don't know him like I do. '

Sending a text to her lover, saying that she misses him and that she's coming back home sooner than planned, Y/N carries her bag through the front door, her parents and sister ignoring her as she leaves and walks out that door one final time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Once reaching their shared apartment, Y/N collapsed into her lover's arms the moment he opens the door, crying her eyes out. Seeing his lover in turmoil, shedding a tear or two of his own, Moon-Jo carries her to the living room couch to cradle her like a child who needs attention.

" They- They said -"

" Shh my darling. I know. " Moon-Jo said, shushing his girlfriend and giving her a shoulder to cry on. Once she's calmed a little, her sobs turning to sniffs, she lifts her head to meet his gaze.

Seeing her sad, tear stained eyes always upset him. More than anything in the world. Running his long slender fingers across her cheeks and jaw, he removes her hair from her ponytail with his free hand and rests it on her thigh.

" Tell me. Please tell me that you won't break my heart like them. That you won't try to tear my world apart like them. " Y/N looked desperately at him, wanting so badly to know that he's not just using her.

Those words, that slipped out her mouth, shocked Moon-Jo, to say the least. What did he do wrong? What did her family fill her head with?

Tilting his head to a little, he looks into her red eyes, trying to read her mind for a moment, all the while she just looked at him with the same desperate expression.

"Please tell me that you will be there when I need you the most. " Y/N whispered so softly, she herself barely heard it. But the end of the sentence, she started crying all over again.

Taking her head to his neck, he stroked her hair and her sides, trying to calm her down.

" Darling. I promise with my everything, that I will never leave you, I will never ever let you go. That I will do anything, anything necessary to prove my love to you. "

"No, oh dear no. That's not, you don't have- have to do anything at all to make me believe you love me. I'm sorry I asked such a stupid question. " She sobbed out.

Shushing her softly again, he rocks their bodies back and forth, till she's calmed and fallen asleep there, in his arms. Knowing that his arms are her only safe place for her from now on, he takes her delicate figure to the bedroom.

Placing her on her side of the bed, he lays down on his. Staring at her stunning face, he feather touches her face with his fingertips, memorizing every curve, every little detail on her, like a sculptor admiring his work and giving it the finishing touches.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

" So, I did a little digging on your sugar daddy. "

" Why?! And he's not my sugar daddy. " Y/N said in disbelief. No. Not her dear best friend too.

" I know you said not to and I'm sorry. But I am worried about you. He made you leave your family Y/N. " They stated with worry and sympathy.

" No. He didn't make me leave them. I left them by choice. They don't see him like I do. And clearly, they hate that I'm happy with him. " Y/N finished as they sat down at the lunch table.

" Y/N..... "

" What? Even you don't want me to be happy? " She questioned her friend in disbelief. Laughing sarcastically Y/N shook her head.

" I've heard rumours! Okay? He was in the orphanage that had that severe fire explosion. And most of the culprits from that incident are MIA. What if he's one of the people who caused it?! " They said in a whisper, worried that the neighbouring people can hear their conversation.

" Do you really think that? All of that is just a rumour. And he's told me about it. He's told me everything. Unlike my parents who so desperately tried to tie me down to an arranged marriage. "

" He's not good for you. I know you deserve better. Okay he may make happy and all but what if he leaves? What if he just uses you and drops you like you were nothing? We're just trying to make sure you don't get hurt Y/N. Physically and emotionally. " They finished.

" This, all what you said, is cheap talk. But it'll eventually wear down because when we get married and have kids and all that in the future, you're all going to look like fools. And I will proudly say ' I told you so '. "

" If that's the case then I am the happiest person for you. Hopefully I won't have to be the one to say ' I told you so'. "

" Wow. I, just- hah. Wow. Just wow. " She paused.

" You know, I really hoped you would be more supportive or at least tolerant enough to have patience and support me with my decision for my love. " Y/N said loud enough for eavesdroppers to hear audibly.

Of all the people she would have to drop, never even in her nightmares had she fathomed that her best friend would be one.

Getting up from the table, she picks up her bag and leaves without another word, and goes to the only place that has love for her and that accepts her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Reaching home, Y/N notices the place empty. Maybe he's at the clinic?

Shrugging off her bag and jacket she sits on the couch for a moment, before her restlessness takes over and she begins pacing in the living room.

Why are people being like this? Do they hate her so much? They barely know him. Why are they treating and accusing him to be such a criminal! He's not. He takes care of Y/N so much. He loves her so much. He provides for her. He's affectionate with her, more than he's told he thought capable. He's become her ride or die. And she, his.

They don't know him like I do. They will never love me like he does.

They don't know about the love they have. The just see what they want to see. Bloody society dictating whom to love and whom to not. Is it so hard to see the love they have for each other? Can't they just let it be. They don't know the turmoil she's gone through recently; they don't know how well he's taken care of her, kept her happy and same enough to not let her intrusive thoughts get the best of her.

Her thoughts interrupted by the door clicking open. Smiling, Moon-Jo enters with a box, surely containing sweets from her favourite bakery. How can you not love someone so considerate, who does things for you without even having to ask.

Seeing the sad look upon his lover's face, Moon-Jo's smile fades into a frown.

" What's wrong my dear? "

Smiling sadly Y/N just shakes her head, conveying that she doesn't want to talk about it.

Placing the box of sweets on the coffee table, the two hug each other, feeling of comfort taking over them both. She can just stay here, forever, in his arms till the world ends.

" Babe. What's wrong? You can tell me anything. Anything at all. I'll take care of the problem. " Delicately Moon-Jo cradles Y/N's head in his palms, making her face up to him, their height difference evident.

Sighing, she moves to sit on the couch, motioning him to do the same. " It's just people. And what they say. My family was one thing, but my best friend, the person I chose as my family " Pausing Y/N breathers the tears back in, " They were doubtful of you today. How can I live knowing that no one will approve of us? " Y/N questioned looking at him.

" Does their opinion really matter that much? So much so that you are skeptical of my affection to you? " Coldly, he moved back from his seat on the couch.

" No! No. Gosh that is not what I mean. Not at all. I love you and I know that you love me. So much. So much so I would die for you. But there are other people whom I care about. Who's opinions matter to me. And I don't want to let them go. As happy as I am with you, I need them too. They give me joy in a different way, that is important. "

" Do I not make you happy? Are you not content with the love I give you? Is it not enough? " He asks carefully.

" That's not what I meant! You love me more than anyone I've known. "

"Then what's the problem? You don't need those people who don't love you. You have me. You will have me forever and ever. I will never leave you. And you will never leave me either. We'll be with each other till the end of the world darling. "

Nodding with a small smile you looked down at your feet.

Unhappy with your action, Moon-Jo pulls your face up by your chin to look at him with such force, it scared you a little, making your heart skip a beat in fear.

" Do you not love me, babe? " He asked tilting his head to a side, his expression mildly offended.

" I do! I love you. So much. " You finished with a soft tone, cupping his face with your hands.

Grinning like a Cheshire Cat, Moon-Jo leaned down to capture your lips with his. Reacting immediately, you kissed him with as much energy and sincerity you could muster, as you head filled with thoughts of doubt.

Had your parents been right? Had for friend been right? Had they all been right all along and you too blind to see?

No. It can't be. He loves you. He's said that so many times. And you love him.

You love him.

You.

Love.

Him.

...

Do you love him, or have you been illusioned into loving him?

[luna-writes-stuff]

luna i am . . . a little confuzzled can you clear something up for me? alright so I’m pretty mad about princess disa not having a beard and that the male elves don’t have long hair, and the whole galadriel situation, but there are soooo many people pissed about the diverse casting ??? I’ve heard a lot of people say that it’s because tolkien created middle earth so he could write what he wanted to be English folklore, so most of the characters are white because it’s based on Anglo Saxon stuff but I don’t see why that means there can’t be poc in the cast..

(am I the dumb one?)

The short answer is; Some people turn into giant babies when they see someone with a darker tint having success.

A full answer is; Unfortunately, the Tolkien consists out of a lot conservative and racist people, as J.R.R Tolkien is a high-fantasy writer. In his time (1892-1973) there was very little acceptance for anyone who wasn't white, straight, christian and cis, and those prejudices sadly get passed through generations. The last two generations have thankfully been much more accepting, but conservative people are still hanging around there, and they don't understand the sudden diverse casting, claiming it's "just to get more audience" and that "they are overdoing it". They don't understand that they are not the only people in the world who like fantasy and that representation really matters.

Then we come to the idea that Tolkien wanted to write English Folkore; A bunch of bullshit. Sure, some of his stories are inspired by them and other mythologies, but this does not mean he intended to write English Folkore. Works like The Father Christmas Letters and The Hobbit were originally written for his children as a gift. If anything, the Lord of the Rings was primarely written because his readers wanted to see more hobbits. Besides that, the Lord of the Rings series were inspired by the loss and love of his mother when he turned twelve. Father Morgan (a priest) took him in, making him a giant father figure for Tolkien himself, something he referenced to with Bilbo and Frodo's relation.

Besides the passing of his mother, WWI played a big role for Lord of the Rings as well. He often send letters to his friends who fought, but eventually found out they had all died as well:

"The ring in The Lord of the Rings is a symbol of the burden that Tolkien must have felt after realizing that it was left to him to write something that would preserve the memory and ideas of his fallen friends – to say the things they never had a chance to say and to write the stories they never had a chance to write."

- Literary Yard

If we fall back onto the Hobbit and his other works, we come to the basic fact that Tolkien first created an entire world and language and then realized it might need a story:

"Tolkien was heavily inspired by the writings, languages and fantasies of Icelandic linguistic traditions, particularly Old Norse sagas like the Poetic Edda and Prose Edda."

- Newsweek

The Hobbit was written for his children primarily, as a fairy tale of their own. Though Gothic and Germanic tints are shown in the story, and the use of Slavic names are shown in its lexicon, it is nowhere explicitly written that it was supposed to be a new English Folklore. While writing the story, he did experiment with own writing styles and storylines, but it was meant to be a gift to his children. (Source)

Judging on what we know of Tolkien's life and words, I think he would love to see POC in his own projects. It is the older fans who assume he did not, because they would not want their own idol to work against them. I personally think the diverse casting is one of the only things that makes me happy about the whole Amazon project. I am so relieved to see some more representation in my favorite fandom, even if Amazon is definitely going to fuck up the entire lore. We will finally get some awesome characters who aren't white, male protagonists!

I hope that helped a little bit! And no, you are not dumb. The people who are angered by POC participating in a Tolkien project are. If they truly cared about the whole reveal of the series, they should be more pissed off about princess Dísa's lack of a beard than about her color. They should leave their racism with the rest of 1945❤️

[jennagrinsoverml]

ML Fic Recs - Ladynoir

I think most readers can appreciate a good rec list, but it’s often the same fics that I see recced again and again. I get why they’re recced - they’re amazing! But I want help finding fic I haven’t already read. So I decided to be the change I want to see in the world. The rule: the fic must have less than a thousand kudos on AO3 (but I’m trying to limit to fics that have less than 500.) Obviously this means a lot of my favourites are not included here, but you’ve probably read all of those already anyway. 

If you enjoy these, please reblog so more readers can find these awesome fics!

To get things started and in honour of the quality ladynoir content we just got (which I’m hoping will inspire even more quality fan content!), let’s have some ladynoir recs. Fics are in no particular order.

Amnesiac? More like Amnesi-Chat by therealjanebingley

Oblivio's back, and this time only Chat Noir gets hit. Based on his limited knowledge and the way Ladybug acts towards him, he makes some assumptions.

One-shot. This is hilarious. From Chat’s genuine glee about his superheroes to Ladybug’s affectionate indulgence to having Chat provide an “outside perspective” on Ladybug’s non-platonic behaviour towards him to the teasing... I could see this actually happening in an Oblivio 2.0 episode.

Experimental Kisses by @komorebirei

Ladybug watched him. Maybe it was guilt, maybe sympathy, maybe a streak of playfulness. Maybe the traumatic akuma experience had softened her up. Whatever the reason, a thought wafted lazily through her mind and out of her mouth. “You know… you’re right. It isn’t fair, is it?”

Chat Noir looked up.

“I remember my first kiss, but you don’t.” She hummed and tapped her chin, making a show of remembering. “It wasn’t a bad kiss, but we were in the middle of fighting an akuma, so I didn’t get to enjoy it much, either.”

Oops—that came out sounding a little, no, a lot more flirty than she had intended. Anyway, if she was going to commit to this idea, she may as well go all in.

One-shot. Ladybug offers to kiss Chat since he doesn’t remember their kiss and the way she reacts to the kiss...it lives in my mind rent-free. I have fallen asleep many a night fantasizing about what the repercussions of the kiss might look like. 

What's your favourite colour? by @hermionemonica

Ladybug and Chat Noir sit on a rooftop, watching the sunset.

One-shot. This fic is short and sweet and absolutely lovely. It’s set post-reveal and despite only being 566 words it’s full of sweetness and feeling.

Margins of Error by orphan_account

“Do you…” Ladybug's voice is at an almost-whisper. He can feel her breath fire-hot against his face. “Do you want me to show you how I think they should write our kiss?”

Adrien isn’t here anymore, leave a message after the tone.

--

Adrien was raised on order. His life is meticulously planned, each day as reliable as the equations he studies in physics and calculus. But Ladybug- Ladybug always has him at a loss.

One-shot. Okay, so I know the author of this one since I download all my favourite fics, but since they’ve orphaned it I’m going to respect that. However, since the author was kind enough to leave the work up so people can continue to enjoy it, I’m going to suggest that people do so! Ladynoir kisses featuring my absolute favourite dynamic: sexually assertive Ladybug and receptive Chat Noir. (Don’t take this to mean the fic has sexual content - it’s just kissing.) AMAZING.

Liquid Luck by @somethingvaguetodo

Ladybug enlists Chat Noir's help in decoding the remaining ingredients for the power-up transformation potions. Together, they work on creating them, and possibly destroying the barriers between them.

Multi-chapter. The riddles of the secret potion ingredients are fun to think about, Ladybug and Chat Noir both get to show off their smarts, and the trust and support between the two of them is showcased. Perfect ladynoir.

when you weren't mine to lose by @bugsandchatons

Change is a scary thing, especially when it feels like nothing has stayed the same.

It's been a year since Marinette became the Guardian of the Miracle Box - a year of struggling beneath a burden she never asked for, a weight that has her leaning on her partner more and more as the hours fly by, of letting him come to her, too, when he needs a soft place to land. A year of falling for the boy who takes on the world by her side with a smile made of sunlight, and fighting the growing urge to tell him what he means to her.

After all, they'll have time enough for that when Paris is safe.

But when the unthinkable happens, Marinette learns the tragedy of loving someone quietly, and the lines she'll cross to save him.

Multi-chapter. This is what happens when Ladybug loses Chat Noir. It hurts in all the best ways and the writing is absolutely gorgeous and somehow we still get a happy ending!

well if i'm beautiful and you're beautiful then who's saving paris? by celebreultimaverba

Chat flirts. Surprisingly, it works.

And then it backfires.

One-shot. This one is so cute and sweet! It’s a quick read but you’ll be smiling by the end of it.

sometimes the dreamers finally wake up by magesamell

"Four days ago a mermaid flooded Paris and an ancient guardian introduced himself to his father as a substitute Chinese tutor. He had thought that would be the end of it."

Ladybug tells Chat Noir all of her secrets.

One-shot. Post-Syren. The fic we all desperately need about Ladybug actively working to restore the balance of her and Chat’s relationship after Fu messes with that. It’s not overly romantic, but it’s absolutely perfect.

i fall in love just a little, oh, just a little by @mlady-noir

If she was asked, Ladybug wouldn't be able to give a specific date when her heart decided to fall for her pun loving partner, but she could point out the night she realized it.

One-shot. Sofffffttttttt. This is just a beautiful narrative of Ladybug’s fall for Chat with a sweet, sweet ending.

Someone I Can’t Fall In Love With by @yslen54

Ladybug agreed with Chat Noir when he suggested that they should finally share their identities with each other, but she’s been dreading it ever since.

One-shot. This is short and sweet. An identity reveal that explores Ladybug’s feelings for Chat Noir and then plays with the divided heart trope.

The following fics are amazing and absolutely worth reading, but do feature sexual content, so minors beware.

You can’t stay away from me by plikki

When Adrien sides with his father, he expects to protect Ladybug and buy some time. He doesn't expect that his emotional state will make it so much harder to resist the girl that he loves, until he just gives in.

Multi-chapter. Rated M. Not-quite an enemies AU, but with all the beautiful angst and tension of one. There’s a fair amount of sex, so be warned but it’s SO SO GOOD. And all of the pain and angst is followed by a sweet happy ending.

baby, we don't have time to be coy by Molebear

"What are we doing?" Chat breathes, the words sending a tendril of lucidity back into Ladybug's hormone-addled brain.

It's a fair question.

The origins of this tryst are a little hazy in her mind at this point. Something about a lovesick akuma, maybe? Ladybug vaguely remembers Chat Noir getting struck by something, only seconds before it hit her too. There was a fight, or... there was something she and Chat Noir had been in the middle of doing - something important, like.... save-the-world important - before she'd dragged him underground with the sole intention of climbing him like a tree.

A scorned lover gets akumatized and gains the power to cast Lust. When it comes to distracting Paris' beloved superhero team, this power turns out to be... rather effective.

One-shot. Rated M. The UST of this one damn near killed me. It’s hot AF and I would commit homicide to read the conversation these two have after that lmaoooo

Charmed, I'm Sure by @chatonne-rousse

Friends with benefits. It's right there in the name, and it's what they are - friends. Best friends. This is just a way for two consenting adults to relieve stress after akuma fights, with the only person they'd trust with this level of intimacy. Really, what could go wrong? (The real question is, what could go right?)

Multi-chapter. Rated E. The sex is really, really hot. It’s in character and full of emotion. And there’s an amazing identity reveal followed by “I’m so happy it’s you!” sex. 

A Little Too Far by imploder

Ladybug gets handsy, and Chat Noir lacks self-control. Alternitavely: "Plagg's Worst Nightmare".

One-shot. Rated E. This one is hot and in character and just absolutely amazing steamy ladynoir content. Features my favourite: sexually assertive Ladybug. Because who doesn’t love playing with gender role stereotypes?

[athenasbloodyspear]

Don’t Make Me Beg Now Baby

CHAPTER ONE: EDGE OF DARKNESS

Hello fellow Greta Van Freaks. This is my very first Greta fic! I hope you enjoy.

MASTERLIST

Note: This fic contains mature themes, discussions of past non-con (no members of GVF involved) and drug use. Minors DNI. 18+ only and please take care of yourselves. (See Ao3 for full tag list)

You can also read this fic on Ao3 if you prefer!

Jake Kiszka x Original Female Character

Picture this: The boys are in Northern Michigan to write the new album and they meet a wild young woman who works at a local record store who has a rough history with rock bands.

She doesn’t want to fall into the same traps she fell into before. He doesn’t want to hurt her.

The rest of them just want them to figure their shit out.

Note: While this fic is based on the members of Greta Van Fleet, I obviously do not know them personally (lol) and nearly 99% of this is a fever dream I decided to write down. Some tid bits are based on things said in interviews/photos/songs but please do not come for my neck if you dislike my portrayals as this is a STORY that I have entirely made up.

This will be a slow burn, overly dramatic, cliché fest of me missing my Mitten State and wishing more than anything I could move back home. Their music makes me homesick and for that I’ll never forgive them. ;)

Chapter Under the Cut

CHAPTER ONE: EDGE OF DARKNESS

The tiny bell on the door to “The Edge” clanked as Jake pushed his way in, followed by Josh, Sam and Danny. The afternoon sun streamed through the slats in the windows at a harsh angle, illuminating the swirling dust. The boys all immediately took a deep breath. They all loved the smell of this place. A mix of dusty old vinyl's, incense and weed. 

The Edge was the shop owned by an old friend, Levi, who had been a longtime family friend of the Kiszka’s. The boys had made the near three hour drive to the shop whenever they had a spare weekend in their younger years. They bought Levi out of his guitar strings and drumsticks and always looked through the boxes of vinyl's hoping to find treasures. Levi sold an eclectic mix of music equipment, records, books, home goods and comically horrific coffee. 

The Edge is where they had each bought their very first instruments, had their first beers and even smoked their first joint. It was a special place for them. 

The old wood floors creaked with every step, the wood walls were covered with old articles from Rolling Stone, photos Levi had taken and autographs from the artists who had cycled through the place over the years. There were stacks upon stacks of vinyl's. Shelves of old autobiographies and music theory books. There were speakers stacked from floor to ceiling, and the whole right side of the store was jam packed with basses and guitars. The back corner had a few keyboards and a drum set, but plenty of catalogues to pick even more instruments from. There were cases of drumsticks and guitar picks and strings. The middle of the store had tables full of incense, candles and interesting home goods. There were tables where local artists sold jewelry, art pieces and furniture. It was full to the brim, most shelves rising way up to the ceiling. Most needed a ladder to reach the top. The basement had a sound studio with even more equipment set up to be used to record, or to test out. 

Levi had inherited the place from his father, who had built up quite a legendary roster of friends over his years. The shop was just off Front Street on the main drag of Traverse City. Levi’s father had made a name for himself as a great host to bands looking to escape to northern Michigan to hole up in cabins and write albums. Levi continued the tradition and took it a step further by buying the space next door and turning it into a club with live music on the weekends. 

If you were lucky, you could catch some super huge bands playing for only about 100 people in the dark side room of The Edge. 

“You bastards finally made it!” Levi called out as he came sauntering out of the back room. Levi looked the exact same as the last time the boys had seen him. Tanned skin from his days paddle boarding and hiking along the Lake Michigan shore, sandy blonde hair that was brighter in the summer, perpetual 5-o-clock shadow because he just couldn’t be bothered to shave, shell necklace around his neck, light wash jeans low on his hips with the same old cowboy boots he’d been wearing since the boys were 12. 

“Is that grey hair I see Levi?” Josh leaned forward with an exaggerated squint. Levi laughed, snagging Josh’s head to give him a noogie. 

“I may be older than you punks by a few years, but I’m not greying yet.” Levi released Josh from his headlock and gave him a shove. 

“I’d say 37 is more than a few years older than us, grandpa.” Sam snarked. 

“You’re makin me regret extending my hospitality, kid.” 

Jake felt himself relax fully for the first time in a really long time. It was just like old times. Exactly what the boys needed. 

“Welcome back dudes. I’m surprised I’m still cool enough for you Rockstar types.” Levi crossed his legs and leaned back against the front counter. 

“We’ll never be too cool for The Edge. This place will always be way cooler than we could ever be.” Danny piped up, walking forward to wrap Levi in a hug. 

“It’s been too long man.” Levi commented as he smacked Danny on the back. 

“We know.” Sam said “Way too fuckin long.” He hugged Levi next. Josh and Jake followed up with hugs next. The room was heavy with a tinge of melancholy. Old friends who had missed each other finally reunited. 

“Well, have you guys been to the house yet?” Levi stepped around the counter and started pouring four cups of the famous nasty coffee. 

“Yeah we dropped our bags off before we headed into town.” Danny spoke up. 

“Isn’t it sweet?” Levi asked enthusiastically. 

“It’s wicked man. Thanks so much for getting that set up for us.” Josh grinned as he snagged a cup off the counter. 

The house was a mid century modern cabin right on the east bay shore. It came equipped with a huge garage studio, front deck and a dock out into the bay. Levi had bought the house in foreclosure and along with help from a bunch of locals (in exchange for beer of course) they turned the house into a perfect getaway for any artists looking to come take a break up north. The place had five bedrooms and three bathrooms with a giant living room with overstuffed couches and velvet chairs. The walls were covered in art and the shelves were full to bursting with plants. It was a kaleidoscope of colors and textures,  with mix matched rugs and lamps. It was Levi’s pride and joy. 

“I’m so glad you guys like it.” Levi smiled even bigger as he passed coffees to the rest of the boys. “Once you’re a little more settled, feel free to send me a list of equipment you want me to set up downstairs and you can start coming in whenever to work. But also, I think you should probably take a week or two off first. You all look about two seconds away from collapsing.” 

“Yeah we’re pretty fuckin beat dude. But we’ll send you a list ASAP.” Jake said, taking a burning sip of the coffee. It singed his nerve endings and he couldn’t have been happier about it. 

Levi opened his mouth to speak again, when a voice filtered through the window to the loft above the store. 

“Yo Levi!” the person shouted “Can you please get off your fuckin ass and pick music to play? I know Wednesdays are your day to pick but if you take forever I’m just gonna put on whatever I want and you can suck it.”

All four boys' heads snapped up to the window to the loft, but whoever was up there couldn’t be seen. All they could see was that the loft had clearly gotten a makeover. What used to be an upper level where Levi stored surplus supplies now looked like it had a plush velvet couch, lava lamps and plants in it. 

“Alright alright! I’ll get on it.” Levi called back up, shaking his head and chuckling to himself as he walked toward the central sound system behind the counter to scroll through Spotify playlists. 

“Who the fuck is that and what have you done to the loft?” Josh asked, hopping up to sit on the counter. 

“That would be the very best thing that’s ever fallen into my lap. A.k.a my new store and venue manager Maven. She moved back to the area after living in Hollywood for a few years managing bands and she completely changed my life. We finally have consistent stock, a longstanding line up at the club and I have had the time to start photography again. Truly a godsend, if not occasionally a pain in my ass. She turned the loft into a breakroom of sorts.  There’s a couch and table up there now. She practically lives up there sometimes.” 

“Damn she must be some woman if she finally got you to get your shit together with that club.” Sammy piped up. 

“She’s hellfire, I’ll tell yah that.” Levi chuckled, finally hitting play on a playlist. The first bars of Surfin USA by the Beach Boys came on the surround system and matching groans came out of Jake downstairs and Maven upstairs. 

“Not this shit again!” Maven yells. Jake chuckled to himself. Hellfire indeed. 

“It’s my day to pick so suck it!” Levi called back before faux stage whispering to the boys “I mostly just play this to piss her off.”

Levi clapped his hands together once “Well boys, It’s close enough to five o'clock and I owe you a beer. Let’s head over to Little Fleet for some grub and beers and we can catch up.” 

Josh grimaced as he sucked down the last bit of his coffee before lobbing the empty cup into the trash at the end of the counter. “You still make shit coffee Levi.” 

“It’s the one thing I wouldn’t let Maven fix.” Levi said with a grin as all five men exited out the back door. 

                                                           ~0~

The boys took a week to relax, as per Levi’s request. They spent the days hiking the shore, kayaking and drinking beer around the fire. It had been way too long since they’d done this. The release of The Battle at Garden’s Gate had been exhilarating and the fans' response had been everything they’d hoped for. People seemed to love the album and they were all so proud. But with press interviews and touring, they hadn’t gotten more than a day or two to relax at a time. And they certainly hadn’t gotten a chance to get back to their favorite old haunts in years. 

They stopped by the store almost every morning for a cup of coffee strong enough to jumpstart their hearts. Sometimes Levi joined them on their escapades, and sometimes he stayed behind to help out at the store. The boys spent a few afternoons sifting through albums and strumming on some of Levi’s vintage guitars. 

Mostly they caught up on each other's lives. The boys recounted their more personal lives that happened outside the coverage of the album and Levi talked about the past few years of his life in Traverse City. Levi told them all about Maven and how she was practically his little sister. They laughed. They drank. They had a blast. 

The boys noticed Levi was a little on edge occasionally, typically when they heard someone shuffling upstairs or equipment moving around in the backroom of the shop. They assumed it was Maven but weren’t sure, since they had yet to see her in the flesh. A week from their arrival they were all sitting in lawn chairs in the alley behind the store, smoking cigs and drinking their coffee when Sam finally asked. 

“So, why haven’t we met your precious Maven yet? Hiding her from us or something?” 

Levi shifted a bit in his chair. “Um..” he coughed out a laugh. “I am actually. Yes. But it’s the other way around, I’m hiding you from her.” 

“Afraid she’ll fan-girl or something?” Josh commented as he ashed his cigarette.  

“In… a sense.” Levi coughed. “But in quite the opposite way you’re imagining.” 

“She’s a fan then?” Sammy piped up.

“She loves your music. A lot.” Levi sniffed and coughed again. “It’s a real safe haven for her. When she’s having a bad day I catch her upstairs laying on the floor smoking a J with sound cancelling headphones blasting your albums as loud as she can.” 

“Exactly how it’s meant to be enjoyed. With a joint in hand.” Jake chimes in.  

“Yeah..” Levi toes the asphalt a bit with his boots, but doesn’t continue.

“Soooo” Sammy drawls “Why can’t we meet her? We’re no stranger to super fans. I’m sure she’s cool.” 

“Um, well. It’s a bit complicated.” Levi heaves a sigh before flicking his cigarette butt into the coffee canister at the center of their little circle. “I suppose I can trust you guys. You’re friends. Do you remember the huge lawsuit that the band Undercover Heart went through last year? The one about the um” He coughs again, “Rape of one of their staff members by the lead singer Ryan?” 

“Yes. That shit was horrific man.” Danny spoke up. “I read all the details I could. They kept the poor girl's identity private but goddamn I felt so bad for her. She was a badass for filing that suit though.” 

“Yeah. She was.” Levi breathed. “So, this is strictly off record and if you repeat this to anyone I will skin you all alive, famous rock stars be damned.” 

“Jesus Levi.” Jake said. 

“It was her.” Levi choked out. “Maven. That’s why she ran back from Hollywood and ended up here. That dude messed her up and she just… she struggles with meeting famous bands now. You know how many people cycle through this joint writing stuff. She just… has a really fuckin hard time with it sometimes. Particularly bands she likes. I think it’s because once you meet someone, and in her case, discover how much of a monster they can be, their music isn’t… safe anymore.” 

“Fuck.” Jake said, flicking his cigarette into the canister. 

“Well I feel terrible for joking about her being a fangirl.” Josh mutters. 

“She just genuinely loves you guys a lot. I never really told her I was an old friend because I didn’t want her to be worried about y’all stopping by. I just know that if she knows you’re here she’ll take off and avoid coming by the shop as much as she can and not only do I need her here, but I think she needs the safety of the shop too. I didn’t want to wreck it.” Levi sighs again. “I know she’ll find out you’re here eventually, it’s inevitable. I just was a coward and didn’t want to break the news to her.” 

“She was a pretty well known band manager wasn’t she?” Danny asks. “She like… completely made Undercover Heart what it was. Before they hired her they were slated to be a one hit wonder but she hauled them into relevancy basically by her will alone.” 

“Yeah. She basically built that man's career for him. She gave him everything, and he took everything from her. If I ever see the man I’m liable to get my ass thrown in prison.” Levi mutters.

“I’ll help.” Danny says immediately. 

All five sit in silence for a few minutes, smoking the last of their cigarettes. When they’d all finished, they stood and stretched to head back inside the shop. 

“So yeah. Anyway, If you see her that’s fine, just… well now you have context for… her.” Levi says as he yanks open the door. 

A few steps into the back hallway, Levi suddenly halts, causing all four boys to nearly bash into each other. The front door to the shop had crashed open and there were footsteps stomping across the store toward the front desk. 

“Listen Levi,” Maven’s tense voice carried down the back hall. “I know Wednesdays are usually your day for music but I’m having an absolute shit fucking day so I’m playing Greta all day and there’s absolutely nothing you can fucking do about it, kapeesh?” 

The very opening chords of Edge of Darkness scratch through the speakers after she finishes her sentence and the boys all exchange a slightly amused look, grins spread on all of their faces. 

“Kapeesh.” Levi calls out to her. He spins and silently nods to the boys to head toward the back door. The boys attempt to be as quiet as they can as they creep toward the door. 

“Also, Levi?” Maven calls again. Everyone halts in their tracks. “You said there was a band coming in soon. Are they here yet? Do you need me to set up the backroom?” 

“Uh, yeah they’re here.” Levi squeaks. All five men share nervous looks. “They’re uh… up at the house.” He cringes at his lie. “I’m getting an equipment list from them today and then you can get started. 

“Cool cool.” Maven calls back. “Do you think I’ll like their stuff?” 

“Uh. Yeah.” Levi grins then. “I think you will.” 

“Wicked.” Maven calls back. 

All five men repress giggles as they skedaddle out the back door and into the alley. 

                                                        ~0~

The next morning the boys wake up to a group text from Levi. 

COME BY THE SHOP ASAP. COME IN BACK DOOR. HEAD DOWN THE STAIRS TO THE BOOTH. BE AS QUIET AS YOU CAN. 

A weird request, but they did as they were told. They all piled into the SUV they had rented and headed to the shop. Danny peeled open the back door as quietly as he could, and Sammy opened the door to the stairs. They tiptoed down and through the door at the end of the stairs that opened into the booth of a sound studio. Levi sat in front of all the mixing boards with a cup of coffee to his lips. He glanced over at them and softly said “coffees on the table.” 

“Why the weird text?” Jake asked. 

“Because of that.” Levi responded softly, pointing through the dark glass into the soundstage. 

The sound stage was littered with mismatched rugs, and a few milk crates that doubled as tables. There was a gorgeous seafoam green drum set toward the back wall and stands full of various guitars and basses. Along the left wall was a piano and a Mellotron set up exactly to the specifications Sam sent over. However, with all these beautiful instruments to look at that would normally catch their eye, it was the woman sitting on stool in the center, cradling a dark purple Fender guitar that made Jake stop in his tracks. 

Maven, Jake had to guess that’s who it was, was wearing checkered distressed pants, with a ripped up old band t-shirt cropped at her ribs, revealing a sliver of the rounded part of her stomach. Over top she was wearing an orange leopard print cardigan that ran down to her thighs. Around her neck was a series of long necklaces, and her wrists were adorned with interlacing leather bands. 

She was plucking out a melody with her eyes closed, rocking back and forth on the stool. Jake had seen countless numbers of people playing the guitar before. On the road, in the studio, studying old masters on YouTube. There was nothing overly special about the way she was sitting or playing, but he felt a little bit like he couldn’t breathe. 

“She never fuckin plays anymore man.” Levi whispered. “It felt like magic hearing music coming out of the basement this morning. I just felt like you should see it.” 

The melody she was playing was sad. Haunting is a better way to put it, and Jake couldn’t look away. Not even when Sammy placed a cup of burning hot coffee into his hands. She was moving her head along with her playing, the strands of her dark messy hair shaking back and forth. The group watched in silence as she played out the riff a few times, Levi cranked the volume of the mics in the space and they could hear her humming softly. 

“She has a strong presence.” Josh murmured. 

Maven suddenly stopped. Everyone froze as she heaved a sigh and stood from the stool to put the guitar back on it’s rack. 

“You in there Levi?” Maven said then. The boys still didn’t move a muscle. Jake’s head was spinning, having finally seen the face that went with the voice he’d heard in the loft for a week. She was beautiful. He couldn’t even really put his finger on why, but he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Even seeing her through the thick dark glass of the studio. 

Levi hit the button to the mic in the booth and responded “Yah.” He paused before adding. “Sounded good.” 

Maven snorted in a self-deprecating way and said “Thanks.” 

Levi hit the mic button again and said “You should play more.”

“Don’t push it Levi.” Maven snapped back. Levi released the button to his mic and let out a heavy sigh. “Can you check some levels on the lines for me? I think I have everything pretty good but I want to make sure before they get here today.” 

“Sure.” Levi replied. 

Maven pulled the amp cord out of the Fender she had been playing on and plugged it into another guitar, one more similar to the guitars that Jake regularly used while they wrote. 

“Are we looking for a punk or a rock-y sound?” Maven asked. 

“Um.” Levi hesitated. “Rock. Their sound is like…” He tossed a small smile over his shoulder at the boys. “Like Greta’s actually.” 

“Dope. I hope they’re not just copying the boys. They’ve got a mellotron in here and everything.” The boys smiled. She pounded out a few chords on the guitar. “Good?” 

Levi looked over at Jake for confirmation. Jake, who still had not taken his eyes off Maven, nodded. 

“Yeah, that should be good for raw sound. They can play with stuff too. They’re a pretty well educated bunch.” Levi called back.

“Thank god.” Maven snorted. “Not like that indie punk bunch you booked last month who needed me to do fucking all their sound mixing for them.” 

“Maven, I don’t think they kept asking you down here because they need help with their sound.” 

Maven just rolled her eyes at that.  

They repeated the process with each instrument, Levi silently asking for confirmation from the respective Greta member until they were sure the sound lines were all functioning properly. 

“Great work kid.” Levi called into the studio. 

“Ew don’t call me kid. I’m a 27 year old woman.” Maven called back. 

Levi chuckled. “You’re a kid to me.” 

“Whatever.” Maven muttered. “I’m gonna go take a walk along the beach. Smoke a little. Text me if they need me.” 

“Will do.” Levi called back. The boys all tensed, looking for places to hide, or to run up the stairs and back into the alley. Luckily, Maven took the back door out of the studio and up another hallway instead.

“Well boys, it’s all you.” Levi said. “Text if you need anything.” 

Sam piped up and said “Yeah actually, can you pick my brother’s jaw up off the floor?” 

“Jake see pretty lady play guitar and Jake brain break.” Josh teased. 

“You guys suck.” Jake grumbled. 

Levi cackled. “I thought you’d like her.”  

                                                        ~0~

Maven walked along the coast of the bay and absentmindedly smoked a joint. It was an overcast and drizzly day which meant there was no one around, which she preferred anyway. She was feeling on edge. The drizzle was very slowly building a small sheen of water on her arms and hair, but she didn’t mind. The cool water and gentle breeze combination was perfect. 

Maven sat her butt down in the sand and stared out at the waves. She normally wore headphones on her walks, her world was a near constant stream of music, but she had opted for silence today. 

Levi was being weird. He was edgy around her all week, sending her out every morning for tasks and disappearing without saying where he was going around 4:30 every day. She had come to the conclusion that whatever band was in town this week was a pretty big name. Or big enough that he was nervous about her being around them. She sighed. She hated when he tiptoed around her. Maven didn’t blame him. When she first started working at the shop she had had a couple pretty bad PTSD episodes that had scared the shit out of him. She owed him everything for staying with her, talking her down and making sure she was fed and had water when she got into one of her states. 

Levi was her best friend, to put it mildly. He cared for her, kept her safe and in return she busted her ass at his store making sure they had the best products, the best shows and that their artist getaway was something that people would go back and tell their friends about. She loved Levi like an older brother, and he cared for her like his little sister. She would forever be grateful to whatever power in the universe made her stumble into The Edge two years ago. 

She had been high out of her mind, as she had been most days after she came running back to Michigan with her tail between  her legs, and Levi had been struggling with an amp in the shop. She had walked in, spotted his struggle and didn’t even say a word to him, just walked over and fixed the wiring so that it was functional again. Levi had looked up from where he sat on the floor and said “You don’t happen to need a job do you?” 

The rest was essentially history. It only took two months of seeing him every single day, and him not letting her sour moods go by unnoticed, for her to spill her guts over some bourbon one night. About Ryan and Undercover Heart and how badly the whole situation fucked her up. How after she’d recorded her testimony she’d boarded the next flight to Grand Rapids and hightailed it up north. She came crash landing into Traverse City because she’d always loved it as a kid, and figured it would be a great place to start over. The small town she’d grown up in had too many people who knew her. 

He was extra careful with bands for a while. Never letting her be alone in a room with too many male band members, and carefully vetting everyone who came through. Eventually she told him off about treating her like a porcelain doll and he backed down a bit, giving her free reign over lots of the equipment set ups and giving her plenty of hours in the shop by herself. She was happy to do so, so Levi could focus on fixing up the artist house and starting his photography again. 

But he was still very gentle with her sometimes, and she’d always love him for it even when it pissed her the fuck off. 

Once she’d smoked the joint down to the roach, she tucked the end into her pocket. It was sacrilegious to litter near the lake. It was too precious to be fucked with. She meandered back toward the shop. Her plan was to grab her bag and head back to let her Pitbull, Stacy, out for a walk and pee. The girl had been cooped up all morning and Maven felt bad. 

She threw her whole body against the front door, as the latch often stuck, and the loud sound of the chimes clanged in the empty space. She rolled her eyes. Of course Levi left the shop unattended and unlocked. It was Traverse City, no one was gonna rob them, but what if someone wanted to buy something? 

She was humming softly to herself as she made her way around the edge of the counter and plopped down on the stool by the register. She whipped out her phone to ask Levi where he was. She had the message halfway typed when the door behind her, the one that led to the staff restroom, popped open. 

“You know, crime is especially low in this town but that doesn’t mean someone wouldn’t come in here and try to steal your precious coffee maker.” She tossed over her shoulder. 

“Oh.” Was all that came back. It was decidedly not Levi’s voice. Maven spun back quickly. 

“Sorry I…” But that’s as far as she got. She was suddenly face to face with Jake Kizska and all thoughts quickly left her brain. 

They both stared at each other for a long moment. Maven couldn’t quite figure out why he looked just as shocked to see her as she was to see him. He also almost looked afraid for some reason that Maven couldn’t figure out.

He was dressed in an outfit she’d seen him wear plenty of times. A black button up, half unbuttoned, loose fitting light wash jeans and a pair of well worn boots. His wrists were full of bracelets and his hair was longer than the last time she’d seen footage of their concerts, well past his collarbones at this point. 

“Hi.” Jake finally broke the silence. “I’m Jake.” He reached out his hand for a handshake. 

“I know.” Maven replied, and then coughed. Why did you say that you freak? 

Suddenly the front door bell chimed again, and Maven whipped her head to see Levi coming in the front door. She stood abruptly from her stool, skirted around Jake’s outstretched hand, and out from behind the counter. She scooped up her leather satchel on her way. 

She headed straight at Levi. He glanced over his shoulder and saw an apologetic Jake looking forlorn and lowering his hand back to his side. 

“Oh hey Maven-” 

“Hey dumbass, don’t leave the store unattended again. I’m going home to check on Stacy. Probably won’t be back for the rest of the day.” Maven spit as she stormed past him toward the front door. 

“Maven wait-” 

But she was already outside, the hinges bringing the heavy wood crashing back into the frame. The chime of the bells rang through the space. 

“Sorry.” Jake muttered. 

“Not your fault. I knew she’d find out eventually. Right now she’s probably just pissed I didn’t tell her. Which she has every right to be.” Levi sighed. 

After a few more beats of silence Jake spoke again. “Who’s Stacy?” 

Levi huffed a laugh. “That would be her Pitbull.” 

“Oh.” Jake said again. He felt crazy because his brain couldn’t come up with anything else to say. She was prettier up close. She smelled like the Lake and weed and sandalwood. He really wished she’d taken his hand. He shook his head trying to find his brain in it somewhere. 

The other three boys came clambering up the stairs and into the store. They all looked between Levi, who was still standing in the middle of the shop, and Jake behind the counter. 

“Are you two playing freeze tag or something?” Sam quipped. 

“Jake met Maven.” Levi responded. The boys' heads whipped toward Jake. 

“And… I’m guessing it… went well?” Danny questioned.

Levi finally walked back toward the counter. “She left for the day. This is on me. I should have told her y’all were here.” He snagged his keys from below the counter and walked toward the front door to lock up. “I’m closing early, boys. Let’s go get a beer.” 

“Kowabunga baby.” Josh said with a grin.  

                                                     ~0~

Maven sat curled up on her velvet couch, Stacy was her little spoon. There was incense burning, a bottle of wine open on the side table and a lit joint in the ashtray. She had changed into a giant t-shirt and boxer shorts. The soft sounds of John Denver playing off her record player. 

However, none of these things were easing her mind. 

She was pissed, mostly. At herself. At Levi. She was pissed he didn’t tell her they were coming. She was pissed that he felt he couldn’t tell her. She was pissed that she had acted like a freak in front of Jake. 

The anxiety was an endless pit in her stomach. She couldn’t go back there tomorrow. She couldn’t see any of those people. Not when she felt like this. 

She whipped out her phone and quickly shot a message to Levi, before chugging her whole glass of red wine and snagging the joint out of the ashtray. 

                                                        ~0~

Levi’s phone dinged on the table where all of the guys sat drinking beers and chatting. Levi glanced at it and quickly picked it up when he saw her name. 

“It’s Maven.” He said. 

“What did she say?” Jake asked, sitting up a bit in his chair. 

“Fuck.” Levi said, tossing his phone on the table, still unlocked. 

All four boys leaned in to read the screen. 

CASHING IN ALL MY VACATION DAYS. I’LL BE OUT FOR TWO WEEKS. 

“Fuck indeed.” Josh said, pounding back the rest of his beer.

[littlemixnet]

Jade Thirlwall on Little Mix babies, learning the art of self-love & her first foray into the world of beauty.

As she releases an astrology-inspired eyeshadow palette with Beauty Bay. “I suppose I've got quite a hectic life – or had quite a hectic life, before lockdown," Jade reflects as we chat on the phone one (surprisingly) chilly end-of-September morning. “But lockdown gave everyone a chance to reflect and think about their priorities – and so I’ve come out of that experience with even more of a drive and more of an ambition to achieve all of the things that I want.” Outside of music? For 28-year-old Jade Thirlwall – one third of record-breaking girl band Little Mix – making moves in the beauty industry sits high on that list of priorities. “Whenever we do videos, I’m always the one that sends mood boards to the makeup artist and I’m like, ‘Ohhh we should try this look and we should do this eye,'" she laughs. So teaming up with Beauty Bay to release a 42-pan eyeshadow palette inspired by her passion for crystals, spirituality and astrology (who knew?) seemed like a natural step. "I knew that together we could create my dream palette, something which my fans can use to create out of this world of lewks.” Speaking from her London apartment, Jade is relaxed, open and oozing with passion – for her life in Little Mix, her personal life and her upcoming beauty ventures alike. And not to mention: very happy the weather is turning, so she can roll-out her autumn-appropriate palette on post-lockdown nights out, pronto. “I’m a Northern winter girl. I like the cold. I like feeling snuggly. Yeah. Summer is not my vibe to be honest.” I love beauty – always have done from a very early age. This is a bit of a throwback, but I did a makeup course at college back in the day, so I’ve always had a love for makeup throughout the years. I think Little Mix have tried every single thing you can think of when it comes to different looks and trends. I think it’s known amongst my fans particularly that I love experimenting with colour. And I love the whole glam of it all and all the different eyeshadows. Every time I do a shoot or a video it’s a chance to do a different look – and I’m very versatile when it comes to that. So yeah, it felt like once me and Beauty Bay started working together, they are known for doing the best palettes, so it seemed right. Over the past couple of years especially, me and the girls have started delving into more of the things that we’re individually passionate about or into whilst working together, and it has been really lovely. We’re obviously really supportive of each other’s ventures, and I suppose it gives the fans more of a chance to see what we’re into ourselves. And it gives people that don’t really know a lot about Little Mix or about us individually, it gives those people a chance to be like oh, actually… so Jade is into this sort of thing and Leigh likes this sort of thing and Perrie is into that and… yeah. It has been lovely, and I suppose the last sort of year and a half has given us all a chance to reflect and think about the things we want to do on our own as well as in a group. I’m at a point now in my life that I’m definitely so comfortable in my own skin. I know exactly what works for me. I’m not afraid to try new things and experiment with colour and stuff like that. I think as someone who loves art and stuff in general as well it just sort of lends itself well. It's an art form to me, makeup, and expressing yourself that way is really amazing. So it felt really right [to collaborate on an eyeshadow palette with Beauty Bay]. I suppose lockdown – it has given everyone a chance to gain a better perspective of all the things that they're into. The best version of myself in terms of makeup is just elevating my natural beauty. I think everyone should do that! I think when I first started out in Little Mix and as a teenager, makeup was worn as a mask to cover who I really was, if that makes sense. And as I’ve got older, I’ve realised that it isn’t a mask; makeup is more of an expression of who you actually are, and it’s not to cover yourself up. It’s to elevate yourself. And so, now, whenever I do a look, I don’t tend to cake it on as much as I used to. I do things that accentuate my features already and don’t try and hide it. I think my go-to makeup on a night out or something is just a classic bronze-y beautiful eye. That’s my go-to because it suits my skin tone and I feel like nobody can go wrong with a lovely golden bronze-y eye. And that’s definitely in the palette. I think this palette was an opportunity to show everyone a bit more about myself that may be they didn’t know – like my love for crystals and healing crystals; my spirituality which is definitely something I’ve become more and more passionate about over the past few years. I needed something that kept me grounded and kept me well, mentally and physically. And so, spirituality became a part of that and I’m obsessed with crystals. My mam is obsessed with crystals and so that was one of the first thoughts when making the palette was incorporating all of that. And so, that’s kind of the original inspiration. I feel like the palette – it was important for me to have something for everyone, because I’m well aware that some people don’t like experimenting too much or some people love having loads of fun. So when I agreed to do this with Beauty Bay, I wanted to make sure it catered to every kind of person and every different skin tone. No matter how much you want to be adventurous or not, it’s all in there. I always have crystals with me wherever I am. Certain ones are catered to certain aspects of your life or what you need in that moment. I’ve labelled a couple of shades in the palette after my favourite ones – tourmaline is my favourite, which wards off any negativity. I think no matter how much people believe in it or not, just from a psychological perspective, for me, it’s all about grounding yourself. I think it’s really important to get rid of any negative energy and constantly keep the positive coming in. I suppose I don’t really have a specific religion so I use that as a means to believe in something greater than me and that works for me. There have definitely been a lot of changes in my life recently. A lot has happened. Obviously me and the girls are a three – two of the girls have just had babies so there's been a lot of change in my life. I’ve met someone, fallen in love, and all of that soppy stuff, so – yeah! It definitely feels like, more than ever, a lot has been happening all at once. But it’s so exciting and as we’ve said before, lockdown gave everyone a chance to reflect and think about their priorities and think about things they really want to focus on. I’ve come out of that experience with even more of a drive and more of an ambition to achieve all of the things that I want to achieve and be there more for my family and friends – and obviously go out more and wear more makeup! 'Cos I’ve spent a year and a half in the flat with nothing on and lounging around so it has been nice to start glamming up again. The other girls are loving being new mums, honestly they’ve taken to it so well. I always knew they’d be great mams, I went to see Leigh last week and met the twins who are so beautiful, they just slept the whole time – but you know what, it was so weird because all I’ve ever known is being round the girls and it being us and just us. And for the first time it's actually dawning on us that they’ve had children – actually seeing them there in front of us, like they’re real; it wasn’t a prop. I feel like because of all the music videos we’ve been doing with them pregnant, I don’t know why but in my head I kind of just didn’t think it was real or like – every time we’d been doing a music video we’d base it around their pregnancies, so every character we’d play in a music video would revolve around them being pregnant as well so it was almost like a fun little act that we were doing. So seeing Leigh and seeing the babies was like, “Oh, they’re here and they’re perfect and you’re a mum now and you’ve got to do this.” But I’m so proud of them and they smashed the pregnancies. They were absolute Queens, working hard – and they had each other which I suppose really helped them. It’s amazing. I am hoping to see Perrie soon and be the best Auntie I can be. I’ve never thought about comparing myself - it’s not me, it’s everybody else. It’s other people around me that try and put that pressure on me, I don’t know if being in a group dynamic has may be meant that I’ve got used to comparison and so it doesn’t effect me as much. Everyone’s in different places in their life and sometimes it’s assumed that I should feel, ‘cos I’m a woman, that I’m behind and I should feel a certain type of way that I’m not at that point in my life yet… But I’m so unbelievably proud of where I am at in my life and what I’ve achieved and my career. I’ve got an amazing boyfriend, I’ve got amazing friends and family, and I’m a businesswoman –why would I feel left out?! But it's interesting… like every interview it gets asked like “Are you feeling broody?”, and I’m like “No, hun! Are you?! Do you want me to ask you if you want to have a child or children?". Like, it’s quite a personal question, isn’t it? So it has felt a bit invasive at times… I think that everyone moves at different paces and I’m happy with mine. If my beauty cabinet was on fire, there are three things I'd save. Obviously I’m going to say the palette because I’ve put far too much work into that to let it burn, so that has got to come with us. I feel so proud looking at it – when I see Jade on top of it and I open it and it’s all shades that I’ve named and it’s all colours that I like – there’s no way I’m letting that go up in flames. So that’s coming with us. Then I’d say maybe just a classic nude lip, I’d have to grab. Because I feel like if you’re having a no makeup day, as long as you’ve got a bit of a nude lip on and nothing else, you’re sorted – do you know what I mean? And then finally… third product… may be a brow brush? Which I never thought I’d say but brows are so big now aren’t they, hun? They’re a priority. As long as they’re brushed up and they’re all in the right place then we’re good. X-Factor Jade would've saved three very different makeup products. A fuchsia pink lip, a massive lash… and, what else… brows just weren’t a thing to me then it’s so wild to me like the change in trends and stuff… maybe a lip gloss or something? But I mean, back then, especially for us girls, I think makeup artists got so excited at the thought of a new girl band that anything went. It was just throw anything on our faces and hope for the best at that point. It was a hot mess. But it was also of that time, like pop stars were really doing the most – like you had Katy Perry… it was all really colourful wasn’t it? Nicki Minaj… all these artists who were doing like really bright bold makeup looks and the eye colour would be very different to the lip… and y’know we’d have feathers on our eyelashes. It really was throwing the kitchen sink in so we’ve definitely learnt to mellow down over the years for sure. In ten years time, I’d like to still be performing with the girls. We’ll be doing something together. I’ll have built more of my empire. Maybe more beauty things and more other things I’m into like art and my businesses up North. As it stands, every year I get older I get more confident in myself so I’d like to imagine in ten years time I’ll be at a place where literally no body is going to affect me when it comes to self-love. And maybe I’d be helping to support another girl band by that point as well. It’s getting a bit lonely out here. We need more. So, yeah – I’ll be helping flying the flag there, I suppose.

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

Helluva Boss: Stolas, Ozzie, Andy & Eljorafae (2022)

-----------------------------------

Credit for Helluva Boss goes to Vivienne “Vivziepop” Medrano

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don’t know when Andrealphus will appear, but he may appear in one of the episodes of Season 2.

he just seems like a “Andy” to me, so I’m nicknaming him that.

if Asmodeus can be Ozzie, then Andrealphus can be called Andy by fans.

Eljorafae is my OC, she has wings of a Phoenix and Crystal Deer Antlers.

her name is pronounced as Elle-Yora-Fae or Elle-Yora-Fay.

she is The Seventy-Third Of Ars Goetia, being a creation of The Earthly Mother/Goddess who took a fragment of Lilith’s soul (during the time when Adam was trying to get Lilith back.) and a fragment of another,

and created one of the first Earth Angels, her being created was to help Lilith heal from the wounds and the negative energy.

but because of Adam, and three certain Angels, the healing process was broken and Eljorafae was killed by one of those three Angels who were send to get Lilith for Adam.

Eljorafae went through many reincarnations, before she became a Fallen Earth Angel.

this character could most likely be in a Fanon Timeline, and not be in the canon.

but she could be based on a possible truth that the Earthly Mother did try to help Lilith but it was undone by Adam and those three Angels that were sent to retrieve Lilith.

Eljorafae is also a Mother of a Daughter who is reincarnates and is born from a fragment of Eljorafae’s Soul and another Soul that is a fragment of [Redacted].

a newborn soul being born from two fragments from two different souls,

might not be accepted by everyone, but that’s okay.

the form that Eljorafae can take is a Phoenix with crystal antlers on her head.

despite being a Fallen Earth Angel, she is tasked with punishing corrupted leaders and is protector of children as well as mothers who are pregnant.

well that is the idea I want to go with...

her alignment could be Chaotic Good, and part of Goddess’s Flaming Valkyries.

Eljorafae as a Helluva Boss OC, only exist in a Fanon Timeline.

and I’m not sure if the whole Andy nickname for Andrealphus would catch on.

I couldn’t help but view him with that nickname.

I wouldn’t mind taking two pieces of bread and placing it on each side of his face and ask him “What Are You...?!” XD

I do have a theory that Stolas might of been technically tricked into marrying Stella, like Stolas could of had feelings for Andrealphus and thought that the proposal for marriage was going to be for the two of them, but then it turning out that Andrealphus lied and it was really a arranged marriage between Stolas and Stella.

that theory might not be true, but it is a interesting theory.

well no matter if that theory is true or not,

it is possibly hinted that Stolas was never in love with Stella and their marriage was arranged, and the only good thing that came out of it was Octavia.

their family might of always been broken, Octavia just didn’t see it that way when she was still a little girl and only saw the positive side up until Stolas and Stella no longer put up the act anymore.

Octavia might believe that her parents had been in love before Stolas started to have his affair with Blitz, but really the problem was around way before Blitz came into the picture.

if Stolas did show to be “in love” with Stella before meeting Blitz,

it could be thanks to a passion potion, that is a mix between love and lust magic.

Stella would slip two drops into Stolas’s food and drink everyday since they became married, and the only way to become immune to the potion is first mutual true love.

Blitz could be in love with Stolas, but could try to deny those feelings.

 but if the whole theory about Stella giving Stolas a potion to love and lust for her throughout their marriage is true, then it could of been the affair with Blitz that broke allowed him to become immune to the potion.

like the potion could only last until the next full moon, which gave Stella plenty of time to restock the potion each time she ran out of the stuff to keep Stolas loving and lusting only for her.

and if Stolas ever found out about the passion potion that Stella had been poisoning him throughout their years of marriage, Octavia could find this out as well by listening to their argument.

Stolas could of thought his feelings for Stella were real, but really was thanks to a potion and the reason why he “fell out of romantic love” for his wife Stella,

was because he became immune to the potion the moment he fell in love with Blitz.                          

it be interesting if this turned out to be canon, but if it isn’t then it can be fanon only.

not everyone has to agree about the theory, but I hope some like the idea.

anyway hope some like this drawing and the idea of Andrealphus’s nickname being Andy....and if I decide to, I might do a second drawing of Eljorafae.                             

[faraway-wanderer]

BOOKS BY ASIAN AUTHORS MASTERLIST #stopasianhate

In light of recent events and the growing anti- Asian hate in the US and UK over the course of the pandemic I wanted to put together a masterlist of books by Asian authors. Obviously, it’s not extensive and there are HUNDREDS out there, but supporting art by Asian creators is a way of showing support; read their stories, educate ourselves. It goes without saying that we should all be putting effort into reading stories of POC and by POC because even through fiction we’re learning about different cultures, countries and heritages. So here’s some books to start with by Asian authors!

Here is a link also for resources to educate and petitions to sign (especially if you don’t read haha). It’s important that we educate ourselves and uplift Asian voices right now. Your anti-racism has to include every minority that faces it.

https://anti-asianviolenceresources.carrd.co/

for UK peeps, this is a good read: We may not hear about the anti Asian racism happening here, but it is definitely happening. https://www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/culture/culture-news/a35692226/its-time-we-stopped-downplaying-the-uks-anti-asian-racism/

 THE BOOKS:

·         War Cross- Marie Lu ( the worldbuilding in this is IMMENSE.)

For the millions who log in every day, Warcross isn’t just a game—it’s a way of life. The obsession started ten years ago and its fan base now spans the globe, some eager to escape from reality and others hoping to make a profit. 

·         Star Daughter- Shveta Thakrar

A beautiful story about a girl who is half human and half star, and she must go to the celestial court to try to save her father after he has fallen ill. And before she knows it, she is taking part in a magical competition that she must win!

·         These Violent Delights- Chloe Gong (I told my little sister to read this book yesterday bc she has a thing for a Leo as Romeo- so if you want deadly good looking Romeos, badass Juliet’s and to learn about 1920s Shanghai- this is for you.)

The year is 1926, and Shanghai hums to the tune of debauchery. A blood feud between two gangs runs the streets red, leaving the city helpless in the grip of chaos. A Romeo and Juliet retelling.

·         The Poppy War- R.F Kuang (My fave fantasy series just fyi- it’s soul crushing in the best way. Rebecca Kuang is a god of an author).

A brilliantly imaginative talent makes her exciting debut with this epic historical military fantasy, inspired by the bloody history of China’s twentieth century and filled with treachery and magic, in the tradition of Ken Liu’s Grace of Kings and N.K. Jemisin’s Inheritance Trilogy.

·         Loveboat Taipei-  Abigail Hing Wen  (Really heartwarming and insightful!)

When eighteen-year-old Ever Wong’s parents send her from Ohio to Taiwan to study Mandarin for the summer, she finds herself thrust among the very over-achieving kids her parents have always wanted her to be, including Rick Woo, the Yale-bound prodigy profiled in the Chinese newspapers since they were nine—and her parents’ yardstick for her never-measuring-up life.

·         Sorcerer to the Crown- Zen Cho (if anyone is looking for another Howl’s Moving Castle, look no further than this book)

At his wit’s end, Zacharias Wythe, freed slave, eminently proficient magician, and Sorcerer Royal of the Unnatural Philosophers—one of the most respected organizations throughout all of Britain—ventures to the border of Fairyland to discover why England’s magical stocks are drying up.

·         Emergency Contact- Mary H.K. Choi (very wholesome and fun rom-com!)

For Penny Lee high school was a total nonevent. When she heads to college in Austin, Texas, to learn how to become a writer, it’s seventy-nine miles and a zillion light years away from everything she can’t wait to leave behind.

 ·         Jade City- Fonda Lee (I am reading this currently and can I just say- I think everyone who loves fantasy and blood feuds in a story should read this.)

JADE CITY is a gripping Godfather-esque saga of intergenerational blood feuds, vicious politics, magic, and kungfu. The Kaul family is one of two crime syndicates that control the island of Kekon. It's the only place in the world that produces rare magical jade, which grants those with the right training and heritage superhuman abilities.

 ·         A Pho Love Story- Loan Le

When Dimple Met Rishi meets Ugly Delicious in this funny, smart romantic comedy, in which two Vietnamese-American teens fall in love and must navigate their newfound relationship amid their families’ age-old feud about their competing, neighbouring restaurants.

·         Rebelwing- Andrea Tang

Business is booming for Prudence Wu. A black-market-media smuggler and scholarship student at the prestigious New Columbia Preparatory Academy, Pru is lucky to live in the Barricade Coalition where she is free to study, read, watch, and listen to whatever she wants.

·         Wings of the Locust- Joel Donato Ching Jacob

Tuan escapes his mundane and mediocre existence when he is apprenticed to Muhen, a charming barangay wiseman. But, as he delves deeper into the craft of a mambabarang and its applications in espionage, sabotage and assassination, the young apprentice is overcome by conflicting emotions that cause him to question his new life.

 ·         The Travelling Cat Chronicles- Hiro Arikawa

Sometimes you have to leave behind everything you know to find the place you truly belong...

Nana the cat is on a road trip. He is not sure where he's going or why, but it means that he gets to sit in the front seat of a silver van with his beloved owner, Satoru. 

 ·         Super Fake Love Song- David Yoon

From the bestselling author of Frankly in Love comes a contemporary YA rom-com where a case of mistaken identity kicks off a string of (fake) events that just may lead to (real) love.

  ·         Parachutes- Kelly Yang

Speak enters the world of Gossip Girl in this modern immigrant story from New York Times bestselling author Kelly Yang about two girls navigating wealth, power, friendship, and trauma.

·         The Grace of Kings- Ken Liu ( One of the Time 100 Best Fantasy Books Of All Time!)

Two men rebel together against tyranny—and then become rivals—in this first sweeping book of an epic fantasy series from Ken Liu, recipient of Hugo, Nebula, and World Fantasy awards.

·         Wicked Fox- Kat Cho

A fresh and addictive fantasy-romance set in modern-day Seoul.

 ·         Descendant of the Crane- Joan He

In this shimmering Chinese-inspired fantasy, debut author Joan He introduces a determined and vulnerable young heroine struggling to do right in a world brimming with deception.

 ·         Pachinko- Min Jin Lee

Richly told and profoundly moving, Pachinko is a story of love, sacrifice, ambition, and loyalty. From bustling street markets to the halls of Japan's finest universities to the pachinko parlors of the criminal underworld, Lee's complex and passionate characters--strong, stubborn women, devoted sisters and sons, fathers shaken by moral crisis--survive and thrive against the indifferent arc of history.

·         America is in the Heart- Carlos Bulosan

First published in 1946, this autobiography of the well known Filipino poet describes his boyhood in the Philippines, his voyage to America, and his years of hardship and despair as an itinerant laborer following the harvest trail in the rural West.

 ·         Days of Distraction- Alexandra Chang

A wry, tender portrait of a young woman — finally free to decide her own path, but unsure if she knows herself well enough to choose wisely—from a captivating new literary voice.

·         The Astonishing Colour of After Emily X.R Pan

Alternating between real and magic, past and present, friendship and romance, hope and despair, The Astonishing Color of After is a novel about finding oneself through family history, art, grief, and love. 

·         The Gilded Wolves- Roshani Chokshi

It's 1889. The city is on the cusp of industry and power, and the Exposition Universelle has breathed new life into the streets and dredged up ancient secrets. Here, no one keeps tabs on dark truths better than treasure-hunter and wealthy hotelier Séverin Montagnet-Alarie. When the elite, ever-powerful Order of Babel coerces him to help them on a mission, Séverin is offered a treasure that he never imagined: his true inheritance.

·         When Dimple met Rishi- Sandhya Menon

Dimple and Rishi may think they have each other figured out. But when opposites clash, love works hard to prove itself in the most unexpected ways.

·         On Earth we’re briefly Gorgeous- Ocean Vuong

Poet Ocean Vuong's debut novel is a shattering portrait of a family, a first love, and the redemptive power of storytelling.

·         Fierce Fairytales- Nikita Gill

Complete with beautifully hand-drawn illustrations by Gill herself, Fierce Fairytales is an empowering collection of poems and stories for a new generation.

 BOOKS BEING RELEASED LATER THIS YEAR TO PREORDER:

·         Counting down with you- Tashie Bhuiyan- 4th May

A reserved Bangladeshi teenager has twenty-eight days to make the biggest decision of her life after agreeing to fake date her school’s resident bad boy.

How do you make one month last a lifetime?

·         Gearbreakers- Zoe Hana Mikuta- June 29th

Two girls on opposite sides of a war discover they're fighting for a common purpose--and falling for each other--in Zoe Hana Mikuta's high-octane debut Gearbreakers, perfect for fans of Pacific Rim, Pierce Brown's Red Rising Saga, and Marie Lu's Legend series

·         XOXO- Axie Oh- 13th July

When a relationship means throwing Jenny’s life off the path she’s spent years mapping out, she’ll have to decide once and for all just how much she’s willing to risk for love.

·         She who became the sun- Shelley Parker-Chan- 20th July

Mulan meets The Song of Achilles in Shelley Parker-Chan's She Who Became the Sun, a bold, queer, and lyrical reimagining of the rise of the founding emperor of the Ming Dynasty from an amazing new voice in literary fantasy.

·         Jade Fire Gold- June C.L Tan- October 12th

Two girls on opposite sides of a war discover they're fighting for a common purpose--and falling for each other--in Zoe Hana Mikuta's high-octane debut Gearbreakers, perfect for fans of Pacific Rim, Pierce Brown's Red Rising Saga, and Marie Lu's Legend series

  Keep sharing, signing petitions and donating where you can. The more people who are actively anti-racist, the better. And if your anti-racism doesn’t include the Asian community then go and educate yourself! BLM wasn’t a trend and neither is this. We have to stand up against white supremacy, and racism and stereotypes and we have to support the communities that need our support. Part of that can include cultivating your reading so you’re reading more diversely and challenging any stereotypes western society may have given you.

 Feel free to reblog and add any more recommendations and resources of course!

[godofplumsandthunder]

Twisted Fate

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Cancer, both Bucky and reader have cancer, Major Character death, brief hospital terms mainly reffering to cancer treatment. References to amputation.

A/N: This was written for the lovely @eurynome827​ 2k celebration. I got a lovely quote of lyrics from Hadestown, which I wanted to do something that was based off of the musical, but I couldn’t figure anything out. Then I had a big anniversary come up and this was came out instead. It’s very angsty, I cried a lot, and well I hope you like it.

The low, steady hum of the fan fills the awkward silence. The psychiatrist, newly assigned to the case, still doesn’t feel comfortable. “Case number 32557038” was widely known in the health care center. The whispers and rumors floated their way down the hall, past the copy machine, filling the office with this chilling tale. Some regarded it as a terrible series of bad luck, others thought it was an act of some benevolent God, pouring his rage on this poor couple. Dr. Breynord, after reading the notes on the file, Breynord knew that this case was perhaps the worst case of bad luck she ever saw in her career, and, maybe it was her stubbornness or naive belief in medicine, but Dr. Breynord was going to help this poor man get the peace he so desperately needs.

“James,” Dr. Breynord’s voice breaks the silence of the office, “I’ve read what my colleagues had to say about your case, but, I’d like you to tell me what has happened if you feel comfortable.”

Shifting in his seat, James sighs, with a small nod of the head, he starts at the beginning.

Bucky Barnes was used to change. Granted, it was other people’s change, but it was still change nonetheless. The poor folks that sat next to him each clinic visit changed, his caretakers changed, it seemed as if the whole world changed around him, while he was stuck in some perpetual hell. Every day dragged out in the same dull, and nauseating feeling, and at times, Bucky felt he was in an endless loop, forsaken by some deity he didn’t believe in. But, for however long Bucky has left in this fallen and cruel world, he’ll remember when you walked in, shattering the miserable purgatory he was banished to, he’ll always remember the day you changed his life.

It happened during his first transfusion session after his surgery. His arm, still wrapped in bandage, IV tubing leading straight to his heart, pumped his body full of liquids, as he waited for the toxic poison to enter his body. He always found it ironic, the “medicine” that was supposed to save his life, that was too dangerous for the nurses to touch with their bare hands, was willingly flushed into his body. Hair loss, mouth sores, and muscle aches were the better side effects. He can’t help but think about what is coming, especially as he sees his nurse, Thor, come over with the freshly made batch of poison [STRIKE THROUGH], chemotherapy as his doctor would want him to call it. Hanging the bag on his IV pole, Thor looks over at Bucky, giving him the “I’m going to go on a rant about something you should care about” look. 

“Now James, we’re getting a new patient today. It’s their first transfusion. They’re going to be sitting in the pod next to you. I swear to the gods, I best not hear another complaint about your attitude.”

“Me? An attitude? No, I think you got me confused with someone else. I’m the brightest little ball of sunshine here!” Bucky can’t help but chuckle. It’s not his fault he wasn’t a “warrior”, blasting “Fight Song” 24/7, as he sips on a kale smoothie with coffee suppositories shoved up his ass. T

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Barnes,” Thor shakes his head as he cleans up his station, “don’t think I won’t throw your bald ass out of here. That cancer sob story, won’t work on me.” 

Bucky goes back to his phone, already feeling the effects of the chemo. No matter how many anti-nausea meds they fed him, Cisplatin always makes him sick. So, he had the right to act like a grumpy old grandpa. While he scrolls through his social media feed, seeing all the accomplishments, brags, and just shit of his friends, Bucky hears your sniffles, as you make your way down to the end of the Oncology clinic, taking a seat next to Bucky. Even if Thor hadn’t given him the heads up, he would have known you were fresh meat. One infusion, his mom asked him how he could tell. It was easy for Bucky, it all had to do with the eyes. A cancer diagnosis shatters you. It kills all hope, light, and goodness that’s in you. You turn completely numb to the world, to the point where your own wailing and sobs feel muted. Bucky saw all of that in your eyes. Behind the puffy, redness, saw the shards of hope, the fear of the unknown. Before you could reach your seat, you stumble, spilling your possessions that you carried all over the floor. Bucky watches quietly as you quickly pick up your items, collapsing into the chair next to him. 

“Sorry I couldn’t give you a hand, only have the one,” he wiggles his stump, and he's met with silence. Talk about a rough crowd, he thinks, his nephews love his stumpy jokes. “So,” Bucky continues, “what are you in for? I’m a sarcoma, in the arm.” You sniffle as you turn your body to look at this new man.

“Leukemia,” you confess, voice barely above a whisper. It takes a real effort to say it out loud because then it makes all of this real.

“That’s good then,” the “sarcoma” man says to you, and Bucky can see the confusion, and pain on your face.

“How is that good? How is cancer good?”

Using his arm, Bucky points around the room, giving you a tour of the room.

“See him, that’s Riley, he has an inoperable brain tumor. That young kid, with the Switch? His name is Peter, his body is chemo resistant. So yeah, leukemia is good. If you haven’t learned it yet, not all cancers are made equal.”

“Oh,” you barely make out. What were you supposed to say to that? 

=====

Much to Bucky’s surprise, he actually enjoyed having your company. Your treatments lined up and so you both got to know each other well. Bucky enjoyed having someone close to his age that understood his problems. And it also didn’t hurt that you had such a great personality, you got Bucky’s dark humor (and it went without saying that you understood it was his way of coping), and you looked great. Not many people can rock a bald head. And Bucky has seen his fair share, and he can say with confidence, you rocked it. Not covering it up with caps, scarves, or wigs. Because why should you hide away? For the first time since his diagnosis, Bucky had a purpose. So, while his immune system allowed him to leave the house, he picked up a bouquet of fake flowers (neutropenia life, am I right?) and a box of chocolates to take with him to the next transfusion. When he got to the clinic, Bucky was a bit worried to see that you weren’t next to him. Instead, there sat Barb, 75 years old with breast cancer. 

“Oh sweetie, are those for me?” Barb looks at the flowers in Bucky’s hand. 

“No!” He snaps, as closes the curtain that surrounds his chair. He hears some huffs and complaints from Barb, but frankly, he doesn’t give a damn. Bucky only has one thing on his mind: you. 

“Are you alright? You’re not here at Club Med” Bucky texts as quickly as his one hand would let him. Dropping his phone, Bucky stares at it all while the nurses prep him. And because of damn, HIPAA, none of the nurses can tell him where you’re at. Minutes turn into hours, and by the time Bucky’s infusion ends, you still haven’t responded to him or shown up at the clinic. 

“Hope you’re okay. Call or text me. I'm worried” Bucky sighs, realizing how much you made his chemo treatments more bearable. How your laugh could make him forget of the poison he had to take, or how the light in your eyes could make him forget, even just for a bit, how much his arm stump was hurting. You were a drug, more potent than any he’s had before, and Bucky was becoming addicted. He’s picking at the hamburger he got for dinner, not having much of an appetite when his phone goes off. Seeing it’s from you, he rushes to answer. 

“Y/N! I… Where were you? I missed you today. I had to sit by Barb and…” The sounds of your cries cut Bucky off. 

“Are you okay?”

“No, Buck. I… Got some bad news today.” 

“Where are you?” He asks. He knows you’re alone, and speaking from experience, you never want to be alone when you get bad news. He knows from experience.

“Buck…” you sigh, “It’s fine. Really.” 

“Please, Y/N, I know what it’s like to be alone after getting this kind of news. Please, let me be there for you.” Breaking further down into tears, you cry at Bucky’s actions, actions of love. 

“I’ll send you my address,” Bucky gathers the flowers and chocolates as he rushes to your apartment, breaking a few traffic laws to get there faster. When he gets there, the image of you, opening the door, eyes swollen from crying breaks his heart. 

“Oh, Y/N,” Bucky sweeps you into his arm, as he closes the door behind, “tell me what’s going on hun.” 

You both sit on the couch, the bag with the flowers and chocolate lay at your feet, as you stay in Bucky’s embrace. 

“I’m… I’m dying Buck!” You manage to say in-between odds. “Dr. Fair... gave me three months to live. There’s nothing else they can do.” You break down in his arms, that last straw finally breaking, as you tell your newfound best friend, the person you were supposed to beat cancer with. Bucky tries his best to remain strong, to be the rock, the foundation you need, but you’re not the only one that is losing a friend. You sit in each other's embrace, as you mourn. You cry for all the missed opportunities, laughs, and memories that won’t be made. 

“What am I going to do,” you whisper, your voice hoarse from crying. 

Kissing your head, Bucky pulls you in closer, “we, are going to make these three months, the best three months you’ve ever had.”

Bucky lives up to his promise, spending every hour he isn’t in the hospital with you. The time you spent together changed your relationship. Neither had to officially say the words to make your relationship official. It was just you, and Bucky. Holding each other close, as the tempest waged on, trying to beat you into submission. You go on walks in the park, picnics, and one night when you both had the energy, went skinny dipping. Your logic being, what are the cops going to do? Arrest two cancer patients, with one of them being terminal? You threw caution to the wind and simply lived. Lived, breathed, and loved. Things seemed to be perfect until reality hit.

Your body wasn’t keeping up. Your cancer was spreading faster than they predicted. The doctors couldn’t give you an explanation as to why the cancer was spreading so fast. It shouldn’t have been. Soon, home hospice came, to try to make you more comfortable. And like the good partner he was, Bucky spent every minute by your side. That’s why, when you felt the inevitable coming, you felt your body give in to the tiredness of fighting, you grab Bucky’s hand. 

“I love you, James Bucky Barnes,” you weakly say, giving him one last affirmation, as you went to sleep, for one last time. 

As Bucky wakes up from his nap, feeling your cold body, he tries to ruse you back awake. Once he realizes what has happened, the last bit of humanity inside of Bucky snapped. He lets out a blood-curdling scream, as tears stream down his face. He strikes your face, pleas escape his mouth. Pleas to you, to a God he has long stopped believing in. His body shakes, his tears wetting your hair, as he holds you for one last time. 

=====

“Oh James,” Dr. Breynord grabs herself a tissue before handing Bucky the box of tissues. “I truly am so sorry to hear that. I want you to know that I am here to help you get happy again, and to heal.”

Bucky sighs and turns away from the doctor as he wipes his eyes. “You’re just like the rest of them. You didn’t listen to me.” 

Breynord was surprised that this was Bucky’s complaint. The other doctors had warned her that Bucky could be sarcastic, standoff-ish, and even flat-out rude to them. Breynord thought she did a good job listening to his story, what did she miss.

“I… I don’t think I understand what you mean, James.”

Bucky lets out a heartless, empty laugh, “you want me to be happy again. I’m never going to be. Not only do I have to live with the guilt of surviving, when she died, in my arms, but I’ll also never find another soul like hers. We had a connection, you know. It felt like we met before. When I held her in my arm, and her arms would wrap around me, it felt like I had the whole world in my arms. I didn’t need anything else when I had Y/N.” 

“So tell me doc, what’s the point of carrying on?”

[watashigaita]

Favourite Loki fanfics

LIFE IN REVERSE Home is where you make it. An AU story where Loki falls to Earth after the end of the first “Thor” movie, wanders around trying to work out what to do with himself, and somehow ends up working for SHIELD. This story is a slow burn type of fic, mostly based on Loki character development. No ship. 44 chaps. Finished and totally worth the reading!

FALLEN STAR Ok, I’m not a huge fan of the Loki/Jane relationship but I have to admit that this fic was a very good reading. It’s so well written and developed that I couldn’t avoid to enjoy them together. Also because it’s not a romantic type of story, but a slow-burn/angst and adventure one. So, definitely my type of fic. It’s set after the events of “Thor”. Again here, as in “Life in reverse”, Loki happens to fall to Earth and he’s rescued by Jane, who had been waiting the return of Thor. The problem is that “Loki Odinson” is now a bad guy who needs to hide, and when he meets midgardian people he believes necessary to give to himself a new name and a new hidentity while waiting for the right opportunity to take control again. Ship: Loki/ Jane F. 27 chaps. Finished and totally worth the reading!

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LOKI and SYLVIE favourite stories so far: 

THE ISLE OF MISTS 

3 Chaps, completed. The search for Gamora takes the Guardians of the Galaxy to a dreary planet of endless mist, where a maze is said to reveal the path to a lost loved one for any who make it to the center. Thor figured he was just along for the ride, until he stumbles into two different quests entirely.

OR: Thor reunites with Loki, meets Sylvie, and is the somewhat unfortunate witness to their reunion.

The story is set in the isle of mist atmosphere (aka: the witcher 3 references... and just for this, it wins). 

I DON’T WANT A THRONE What if Sylvie had banished Loki back to the moment when he had been being interrogated by Natasha during the attack on New York instead of sending him to the TVA?  Ok this story is not finished yet (15 chaps for now) but it is a good candidate to this list. It’s very well written and the plot is soo intriguing (with also the right amount of angst that I like). I check every day if there is a new chap for how much I already love the story. So super good. Really. 

FIND MY WAY BACK TO YOU 4 chaps for now, not completed yet. Reunion fic set after 1x06 of Loki.  Ok there are many Sylki reunion fics around the web, but this story is developed with a very good background, set during the multiverse war in a planet where Sylvie is actually fighting Kang’s soldiers. So, there is a good potential storyline development. Plus: Loki and Sylvie are oh so very In-Caracter! And ther is that little bit of angst that helps loving it even more. Unfortunately right now there are only 4 chaps, hope the author will keep posting because the story has a very good potential and is very well written.

AN ENDING, A BEGINNING  2 chaps. Completed. Set after the finale of season 1, Loki regrets seeking out why Sylvie was told the truth about her heritage from a young age where he was not. The answer is going to find out. 

(P.S. the fan art used as cover for this post is not mine. Source )

[gingerbreadmonsters]

u know i have honestly no clue what ur into nowadays, but its still nice to see ur content bc it looks like ur having fun. no idea who these ?? demons?? asmr vtubers?? otome characters?? are but im glad u seem to be having a good time!! could u tell me if its a game or what bc i cant figure it out

hi honey!! it's lovely to chat with you - it's so sweet of you to a) hang around for so long and b) have some fun on my blog! 💕💕💕 may i make a guess and say that you remember the good old days of linked universe icq...?

time, not angry just disappointed: i don't want to know. i don't want to know. i don't w-

wild, covered in chu jelly: yeah. yeah, you really don't.

or maybe you're a bnha fan?

"honenuki-san said i looked like death warmed up. is that true?"

you're... not really sure what to say. it's true, shouto does look tired, but you wouldn't say it's that bad.

"how could you even 'warm up' something like death? it's not a physical object that i could use my fire on. and anyway, red and white aren't really very death-like colours, so he couldn't have mistaken me for a shinigami or something, or some kind of grim reaper. maybe he was just confused."

god, he's adorable. you smile softly as you readjust the duvet around you both, and make a mental note to send honenuki a box of chocolates in the morning.

let me clarify for you! this blog began in spring 2020 as an incorrect quotes blog for the legend of zelda fan comic, linked universe - since then, i have fallen into writing for three main fandoms (with varying degrees of obsession), which are bnha, obey me!, and redacted asmr:

bnha - stands for 'boku no hero academia', or 'my hero academia' - it's an ongoing manga with an accompanying anime series, set in an alternate future where superpowers exist and following a young group of students at a school for heroes in japan.

obey me! - 'shall we date?: obey me!' is a mobile gacha-based otome game (i.e. it's a dating sim) that is set in a high school for demons in hell, where you romance the seven personifications of sin. (more dateables, like barbatos who i write so much about, have been added since then, but the premise is the same.) you, the mc, get teleported to hell for your exchange year abroad, and do lots of kissing and dance battles to progress the story.

redacted asmr - a youtube channel, which explores an alternate universe identical to our own where magic exists but is hidden from the general population. everything is audio-only, so there's no visual aspect. there's a broad range of characters (laid out at the bottom of this post here!) who (with one or two exceptions) all have their own listeners (i.e. us!) who they romance over time.

all of these are still ongoing - bnha has new manga chapters every week, obey me! keeps adding new chapters fairly frequently, redacted asmr gets two new uploads a week - so there's no shortage of fun stuff! i highly recommend all of them, and i hope this helps :)