#send help it's been like this since christmas and idk how to fix it because everytime i try to go to bed anxiety hits and idk how to stop i

[lightningstruck-arch]

you know your sleep schedule is fucked when it's 5:45am and you're mom already left for work but you're not even tired enough to go to bed

[dontworrysunflower]

Merry Fucking Christmas | h.s.

a/n: i’m baaaaccckk!! lol idk it took me a while to finish this and i was gonna have it finished before christmas but then i was exposed to covid so i was little paranoid but anyway (i’m good tho). merry christmas and happy holidays!! i know this years been hard but hopefully we can make it a little better :)

warnings: drinking, angst?? idk not proof read word vomit, some language too

word count: 3.1k

also thank you @watchmegetobsessed !!

feedback/reblogs appreciated

You knew the holidays this year were going to be difficult. You procrastinated on getting gifts for your friends. Your work seemed to pile up on your desk since you got your promotion. You weren’t able to fly back home, and you still had some thanksgiving weight you weren’t able to put off.

Oh yeah, another thing. Harry was still with his girlfriend.

You met Katy, Harry’s girlfriend, at his birthday party in February. She was the epitome of ‘his type’. She had bleach blonde extensions and the bluest eyes you've ever seen. She was tall and really, really loud.

Since then, she’s all he ever talked about when they weren’t together, but when they were in the same room, boy did you want to gag.

You thought they would last maybe three to four months, you were so sure, you bet with some of your other friends.

Needless to say, you lost quite a lot of money.

You tried not to let it bother you, really. But it was so hard when Harry is the literal sweetest person you’ve met, had the voice of an angel and wasn’t bad to look at.

You felt you were the closest with Harry when you moved to London. He made you feel welcome in your little friends group. There was a little flirting game between the two of you that you didn’t even notice until one of your friends brought it up.

“Oh c’mon, it’s so obvious you like each other.” Margot slurred, her second glass clinking against the table as she finished every drop.

“What?” You asked, baffled. Your eyes were wide and your face started to heat up. “He doesn’t like me.”

“But you like him?” Ava, a friend from work, smirked at you.

You stumbled on your words, wiping at the condensation on your glass.

But since he was in a relationship now, you felt almost icky around him. You felt so uncomfortable around him that you did whatever you could to not be in the same room as him.

You were ready for the holidays, you thought. It would give you a break from constantly thinking about him being so busy with your family back in your hometown.

You should’ve known London weather wouldn’t be in your favor. It rained constantly everyday and the fog seemed to get closer to the ground every other day. The weather was getting so bad that you started working from home, the roads too wet and icy to drive on. So honestly, you weren’t that surprised when airports closed due to the weather, meaning you had to spend Christmas in London.

With Harry.

The day after flights were cancelled Harry texted on your group chat saying he could host a dinner and party on Christmas eve and everyone was invited. You watched texts from your other friends flood in, some excited vulgar words were thrown in there as well.

You never responded. Not only because you still felt weird around him for having this massive crush on him, but because things haven’t really been the same between you two.

You can’t remember the last time you had a full on conversation with him before you had to excuse yourself because you couldn’t take the ache in your chest when you were around him, and he wasn’t yours. You can’t remember the last joke he ever told you or when you went out for lunch or drinks when it was only the two of you. You were sure he noticed how weird you were around him, but never said anything, so you let it be.

As the day neared, your mind would change on whether you were going or not. You didn’t want to seem bitchy and cold on what was supposed to be the happiest and cheerful day of the year, so you thought you would go. You thought of every reason you shouldn’t go that had nothing to do with Harry, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him cozy up with his very serious girlfriend.

But there would be alcohol, so you decided to go.

•••

Hey (y/n)! Think you come over early and help me set up for tomorrow? H xx

You stared at the text for what seemed like hours, but it was only a couple seconds. Before you could even register what your fingers were doing, you tied up a quick message and hit send before you could stop yourself.

Of course!! See you tomorrow!

You hated yourself for the rest of the day. Why would you do this to yourself? You could barely be in the same room as him and some other friends. How would you survive being alone before the party started?

•••

The butterflies in your stomach have not been able to settle since you woke up Christmas Eve morning. Just the thought of seeing him made you nervous. You almost didn’t get out of bed that morning. But you pat yourself on the back when your feet finally hit your wooden flooring and moved on with your day.

Your shoulders hung low beside you as the time to meet up grew closer, the sun lowering behind you, Christmas lights and inflatable decorations coming to life as stars dotted the sky.

You sighed heavily as you styled your hair and naturally did your makeup.

You slid on your silky, tight dress and grabbed your coat and quickly made your way to your car to get away from the bitter cold.

You rubbed your hands together, blowing into them to regain some feeling before turning the key into the ignition, quickly turning the heater on, Mariah Carey blasting through your speakers.

You were about to pull out of your driveway, mumbling along to Mariah’s notes when you realized you forgot the gifts.

•••

Your shoulders were hunched up as you knocked on the white door, your foot tapping against the brick stairs of Harry’s house as you waited for him to open it in the freezing cold.

You could hear shuffling from the other side and watched the doorknob wiggle, Harry having trouble with his lock since June and still hasn’t had anyone fix it.

The door swings open to reveal Harry in his glory, brown corduroy pants and an ugly Christmas sweater under an apron that’s tied around his slender waist that you’ve always been jealous of.

“Hey, sorry, come on in.” Harry said to you before moving out of the way, a bowl nestled between his side and his arm.

You mumbled a quiet thank you before stepping in, your cheeks reddening at the warmth enveloping you as you walked through the foyer of his home.

“Mm,” he hummed as he remembered something. He puts down the bowl he had on his white kitchen counter and waddles over to you, a small curve on his lips as he wrapped his arms around you. “Merry Christmas, love.”

You hate that nickname. But you don’t. You hate the butterflies that flutter in your stomach when he says that word. You hate the goosebumps it causes you and the hairs sticking up on your neck when he says the one thing you feel too harshly for him. And you hate how much he doesn’t feel it back.

“Merry Christmas, Harry.” You mumbled into his neck, his cologne flooding your senses bringing you comfort.

He doesn’t let go of you yet, but he backs up just a little to see you. “You look gorgeous, (y/n).”

The air gets stuck in your lungs and you almost forgot how to formulate words. You hoped Harry thought the pigment on your cheeks would be from the cold because it totally was. Before it was obvious how his words affected you, you stuttered out a few words. “Thank you, you look nice too.”

He chuckled at you, the breath passing his lips hitting your neck, a tingle passing through your spine. “You don’t have to lie, darling.” He squeezed you one last time before letting you go, your body instantly becoming colder as he backed away.

There's a low hum of Christmas music playing in his surround sound system, a tall tree tucked in a corner between his burning fireplace and window looking out onto the street.

You turn your attention back to Harry as he speaks up again, his famous dimples puncturing his cheeks. “Thanks fo’ comin’ early to help me out.”

You rolled your coat off your shoulders and hung by the door, walking up to him as he moved around the kitchen. “Oh yeah, it’s no problem. Not like I had anything else to do.”

He gave you a small sympathetic smile before throwing a tray full of greens into the oven. “I’m sorry you couldn’t go see your family.”

You shrug as you run your finger on the edge of his marble counter. “It’s alright, nothing I can do much anyway.” You perk up when you remember what you’re doing here so early in the first place. “Guess that’s why I’m here, no? What can I help you with?” Your heels click as you move around the counter closer to him.

“Nope.” His lips puckered as he pushed you back to where you were standing. “Just stand there and talk to me. Wine?”

Your brows furrowed in confusion as you blindly nod, watching him uncork a bottle of Moscato. Your favorite.

He hands you a glass of the sparkling wine before turning back around to the dishes, prepping food of all kinds for everyone and most importantly; eggnog.

“But, you said you needed my help.”

He chuckled nervously, his cheeks reddening. From your comment or from the wine? You weren’t going to get your hopes up. “I just need some company before the party. Just stand there and look pretty.”

You try your hardest ignore the blush on your cheeks. You twirl the wine glass from the neck, watching the liquid swirl around in the depths of the glass. “What about Katy?”

He sighs deeply, opening the oven to check on the food. “We’ve been kind of fighting lately.”

You did your best to stop the grin from forming on your lips, hoping he did notice your sudden burst at the new information. They are still together, so you can’t act on anything. “I’m sorry. Can I ask what’s going on?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know really. Anything and everything. Every little thing I do annoys her and anything she does annoys me. It just wasn’t the same.”

“Is she coming?” You ask before you can think about it.

He shrugs again, shoulders hanging more than usual. “I don’t think so. She said she was staying home since she can‘t fly back to her family either.”

A silence hangs between the two of you when neither of you said anything, not really sure of what needs to be said next.

“I don’t think I feel the same way for her as I did in the beginning.” Harry mumbled, arms crossed over his chest as his hip leaning against the counter, his usually bright eyes a little darker, a little sadder.

You walk up to him and lay your hand on his shoulder, giving him a small smile. “It’s not my business but, if you really feel that way, you shouldn’t lead her on, it’ll only hurt both of you.”

Harry looks down at the floor as he nods. “Thanks, love.”

There’s a wave of silence between you again as he raises his head to look at you. You almost felt small under his gaze. Something about his crystal green eyes always made you nervous. You were scared he could see what you were really thinking.

And you also swear his eyes fell to your lips.

•••

The dinner party was in full swing now, people’s laughter bleeding in with the loud Christmas music playing around the house. Some people were dancing in front of the fireplace, drinks being refilled every once in a while.

You were standing by the counter with your friends, Margot and Ava, chatting and drinking your eggnog instead of the wine you had before the party started. You had completely forgotten about the wonderful man hosting this party, the conversation you had earlier with him slipping your mind as the drink in your hand lowered to the bottom of the glass, intoxicating your thoughts.

Even though you offered to help, Harry didn’t let you help with the rest of dinner before everyone came over, so now the food still wasn’t ready as people flooded in. You heard him say something about potatoes and that was as much as you knew of the food preparation and when you would be able to eat.

The music is lowered a bit and then a clicking sound was heard, everyone turning their heads towards Harry, who clinked a fork against his glass. “Dinner is ready!”

Everyone cheered and started making their way towards the dining room. Most people had already filtered towards the next room when a knock on the front door was heard.

You turned your head as Harry twisted the knob. You were sure Harry's face mimicked yours when you saw who was standing at the doorway.

There stood Katy, hair newly bleached and a little overdressed.

She wasted no time in wrapping her arms around him, her plump lips repeatedly marking his face with the bright lipstick.

“Oh god,” you waltzed over towards Ava, who was pouring herself a new glass of eggnog. “pass me the eggnog, I can’t stand this sober.” You pushed her over slightly and grabbed the handle of the ladle she was using, filling up your cup almost to the brim.

Ava looked at you in curiosity at your sudden change, carefully looking over at the lovely couple still by the door. “Wait, I thought you told me they were fighting.” She whispered beside you, eyes widening as she watched you gulp down some of the eggnog you just served yourself to give yourself some more.

“Guess fucking not.” You were much less sober now, on the brink of tipsy and drunk. Your words slurred, eyelids heavy, vision blurry. “Let’s go fucking eat.” You dragged Ava by the wrist towards the commotion in the dining room, almost, but not quite forgetting about the couple behind you.

•••

You’ve had four glasses of eggnog. Or was it five? But now, you stand in front of the bowl, pouring some into your glass again, making it six.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” You hear his sultry voice behind you, his tone a little sassy and annoyed, but you didn’t care.

“What are you gonna do about it?” You slurred, turning around to face him. His pink lips were turned down in a frown, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration, his buff arms that were constricted in his sweater cross in front of his chest. “Gonna go kiss your girlfriend some more?” You stumbled on your feet, your drink almost spilling over the rim.

“What does that have to do with anything?” His face changed from annoyance to confusion. His thumb twisting the ring on his other finger nervously.

You open your mouth to retaliate, but even in this drunk state you knew not to say anything. You chug the creamy drink, keeping eye contact with him, watching his face change again. You didn’t care.

He obviously didn’t care either.

You sighed dramatically as you finished the drink. “Merry fucking Christmas.”

•••

You had sobered up quite a bit after your little encounter with Harry, mainly because there was no eggnog left.

You realized it was for the better though, so you made your way back into the kitchen, doing your best to not stumble or bump against anything as you grabbed an empty cup to fill with water.

“I am really sorry.” You knew his voice anywhere. But it wasn’t his usual chirpy, charming voice he had that always soothed you, it sounded more sad and somber.

“On Christmas? Out of any day you chose today?” Katy sniffled, voice wobbly and hurt.

“I know but, you know we can’t go on any longer, we’ll just hurt each other more.”

“I think I'm going to head out.”

You don’t hear Harry say anything back, but the sound of the door clicking open catches your attention and you almost turn around to watch.

“I just have one question.” Katy said weakly.

You walked away before you could hear anything else.

•••

Even though you were still a little upset at Harry (For what? You weren’t sure anymore), you stayed behind as everyone left to help him clean up before you head home.

You were putting things back in his refrigerator when you heard the front door close, the light chatter and drunken goodbyes silenced by the wooden door.

You kept your back towards the door, suddenly nervous of the words that would be spoken between the two of you.

“(y/n), can we talk?” Harry’s voice was low and sultry, your knees almost gave out.

“I should um-I should get going. It’s late.” You hurry around him to grab your things and for the door, but he holds your wrist.

“Please?” He sounded desperate, and for the first time in what felt like days you looked up into his emerald eyes. There was that desperate look in his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed and lips turned down into a frown.

You sigh and nod slowly.

He lets go of your wrist and stuffed his hands in his back pockets, his pink cheeks either from the cold or from nervousness.

“I’m sorry.” He said suddenly. “I didn’t mean to get mad and I know I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Is that it?

You weren’t going to lie, you thought he would profess his love to you or something.

“I um- I also,” he swallows and takes your hand, his rings cold to the touch. “I broke up with Katy.”

Your mouth opened for words to come out but nothing ever left your lips.

“Do you want to know the real reason why Katy and I were fighting?”

You’re still speechless, scared of the answer, even though you have an idea of what he'll say.

“I’ve always liked you, (y/n).” His shoulders rise in a deep breath. “I guess, I don’t know, I thought if I started seeing someone else it would it easier but, not being with you this past year has been hell and I know I haven’t made it any easier with being with Katy but—”

Your lips crash on his, your arms wrapping his neck, your fingers immediately tangling in his brown locks.

He stumbles back in shock but grabs at your hips, bringing you closer to his chest.

His pink lips press against yours, the corners slowly turning up into a smile, breaking your kiss.

“Merry fucking Christmas to me.”

•••

Taglist:

@samaratheweirdo @sarcasticallywitty15

(Let me know if you would like to be added or taken off taglist.)

[derivativealigner]

Well I haven’t watched sp all the way through for about a decade now, so I thought it was time

Sometimes I wonder how accurate the fandom is when it comes to how we interpret the characters. Like, why is Stan a football star so often in fanfic and why’s Kyle always the smart one? So I thought I’d rewatch the show and make notes along the way to see where the source of all these interpretations is. I also wanted to see if I could get some fun info to analyze, but season 1 is pretty sparse in that regard so there’s not too much of that in this post, but I’ll make a post for all the other seasons too as I watch them

In summary, it’s established in season 1 already that Stan’s a star quarterback and an animal lover, Kyle’s an A+ student, and Kenny is poor and knows a lot about sex and doesn’t have many qualms about doing crazy shit. Cartman is a bit weird since he’s mostly just a naive brat in this season, but he and Kyle have a mildly antagonistic friendship already

I have all my notes under this cut. They include a bunch of small details and other observations. I also listed every Kenny death just because

Ike has freckles

Cartman says “Weak!” and “You guys” and “Seriously” a lot from the start, also “Kickass!” He doesn’t say weak or kickass much in the later seasons iirc

Stan says “Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here” three times in this season but they dropped that catchphrase pretty quickly

Bebe got named in episode 2

Stan’s been an animal lover since s01e03 Volcano since he won’t shoot a bunny or anything else. He does shoot Scuzzlebutt at the end though

Cartman’s a pathological liar but in a childish way

Randy got named in s01e03 Volcano (and it only got worse from there)

The mayor went to Princeton

South Park is next to Mt. Evanson

Kenny will literally drink gasoline

Stan’s a star quarterback in 3rd grade

Clyde’s voice is wrong as hell in S01E04 Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride and he has a dog, Rex

Garrison says Kyle is an A+ kid

Shelly seriously abuses Stan, punching him, throwing him, maiming him with a lawnmower

Cartman had a pot-bellied pig called Fluffy

Cartman’s mom smokes crack and has sex with strange men

Dr. Mephesto is probably a Buddhist since he says “Thank Buddha” instead of “Thank God”

Clyde’s voice gets kind of fixed in S01E06

A guy called Mr. McCormick is killed in a protest, launched and splattered against a network building. He doesn’t look like Kenny’s dad though

Zombie Clyde attacks Bebe, rude

Wendy gave her costume contest prize (2 tons of candy) to hungry children in Nairobi

Cartman’s mom is on the cover of Crack Whore magazine. “Back do’ ho… Five on one action!” is the headline

Cartman genuinely cries at Kenny’s grave after the whole zombie thing but gets over it because of candy

Stan knows his mom’s credit card number and has no problem using it to adopt an Ethiopian child (the boys wanted a watch that came with the adoption, they weren’t doing it to be nice)

Cartman calls Stan a vas deference, Stan doesn’t know what that is so Kenny says “Dude, it’s a pipe for your peepee” (according to a transcript). Kenny sure knows male anatomy

Kyle sniffs Kenny after Cartman asks why poor people smell like sour milk and Garrison says “idk eric they just do”

Cartman thinks poor people should die and decrease the surplus population

When the boys get Starvin’ Marvin delivered to them, Cartman says “Hey mom, we found an Ethiopian, can we keep him?” and his mom says “Sure, hun.” She rarely says no to Cartman

Kenny’s dad is an alcoholic who drinks scotch according to Cartman. I mean, Mr. McCormick is seen drinking in multiple episodes and has a hat that says SCOTCH so it’s probably true

Kenny’s family says grace

Craig’s first appearance is S01E09. Also, S01E09 is the first time Kenny doesn’t die (Coincidence? I THINK yeah but it’s still fun)

Clyde got named in S01E10

Clyde and Bebe both spit on Pip’s face, friendship goals <3

Cartman and Kyle have their first fight at Cartman’s birthday party because Kyle didn’t give the right gift. Cartman slaps his face and  screams “I hate you! I want you to die! Die!” while on top of Kyle who’s not really fighting back

Satan throws a fight with Jesus after everyone except Satan bet that Jesus would lose, which leads to Satan winning everyone’s money. Mr. Garrison says “What a mean thing to do!” and Jimbo says “He is a jerk!” and I thought it was quite a laugh so I wrote it down

In S01E11 Tom’s Rhinoplasty Bebe and Wendy are sitting in the swings together and generally appear together throughout the episode, then Bebe gives Wendy a makeover so they’re bffs obviously <3

Craig first appears in the classroom, though not sitting down, in S01E11

Wendy’s not happy about Ms. Ellen taking Stan away from her, she says “Don’t fuck with me! Stay away from my man, bitch, or I’ll whoop your sorry ho ass back to last year!”

Kenny gives Ms. Ellen a scrumptious looking sausage as a valentine’s gift and giggles deviously. Wendy’s gift to Ms. Ellen is a dead animal

Even Kenny doesn’t know what a lesbian is

Wendy’s grandma died in S01E11

Wendy gets Ms. Ellen killed by hiring the Iraqi government (?) to put her in a rocket and shoot it into the sun, then she and Bebe have a pool party (very cool, they wear sunglasses 😎) and watch the rocket hit the sun

Cartman and Pip play a game of kicking each other in the nuts until someone falls. Cartman calls it “Roshambo”

Kenny has a sack of marbles

The boys aren’t fans of Barbra Streisand, but Stan is a fan of the Denver Broncos quarterback John Elway (he’s not a quarterback anymore, he’s an American football executive and the president of football operations for the Denver Broncos of the NFL according to wikipedia.)

Officer Barbrady is a fan of Fiona Apple (who was 20 at the time and had only one album released called Tidal)

Ned knows how to pilot a helicopter

Kyle’s mom is a fan of Streisand unlike literally everyone else, she even gets an autograph from Mecha Streisand

The boys are fans of Robert Smith, the lead singer of The Cure. Stan says “Robert Smith is the greatest person that ever lived!” and Kyle says “Disintegration is the best album ever!” and Cartman says “Robert Smith kicks ass!” and Kenny’s dead so he doesn’t get to have an opinion

Cartman has tea parties with his toys: Polly Prissypants, Clyde frog, Peter Panda, and a dragon called Rumpertumskin

Kyle wants to make fun of Cartman for the tea party but Stan stops him because he’s concerned that Cartman needs help

Craig is in front of the school counselor’s office in S01E13

A young miss Cartman drinks like a motherfucker at the 12th annual drunken barn dance where Cartman was supposedly conceived

Stan lets Cartman borrow his bike like a good friend

Garrison wanted to have a threesome with Chef and Cartman’s mom. I don’t know why I’m making a note of this but uh… yeah.

Cartman’s mom has had sex with everyone at this bar that Garrison’s drinking at, including principle Victoria, the mayor, Father Maxi, and Jesus (and maybe Kenny’s dad since he’s at the bar but the camera doesn’t pan to him when Garrison says they’ve all slept with Liane). Later Gerald Broflovski is a possible father to Eric, so he fucked her too. Also Mr. Mephesto and his friend Kevin, that little guy, are candidates along with a lot of other people, including the 1989 Denver Broncos (and Mr. Tenorman is included in that later)

Cartman doesn’t make fun of Kyle for being Jewish much at all in this season even though the Christmas episode is all about Kyle not celebrating

Clyde and Token appear very early on and Clyde has always been in the classroom (along with Bebe, Red, Kevin Stoley, Wendy, and Pip and uhh DogPoo too I think). Craig appears later in the season and Tweek’s not in season 1 at all, so Craig’s gang isn’t really a thing yet

And here’s a list of the ways Kenny died in this season. He dies in every episode except episode 9, and he dies twice in episodes 2 and 3. Altogether he dies 14 times

S01E01 Killed after alien shoots him, cows stampede over him, then cop runs him over which finally actually kills him

S01E02 Killed in a play by a falling teepee, then a second time shot by Garrison which sends him in the air and he gets impaled on a flagpole on the way down

S01E03 Killed by a volcano rock that burns him then rolls on him but he’s alive again in the end but gets shot by Ned’s gun that he drops and it accidentally goes off

S01E04 Gets his arms and head torn off in an American football game

S01E05 Stan’s clone punches Kenny into a microwave where he gets cooked alive

S01E06 Death touches Kenny

S01E07 Kenny gets crushed by a Russian space station and turns into a zombie because he gets Worcestershire sauce in his veins, then Kyle chainsaws zombie Kenny in half, then zombie Kenny rises from his grave and is crushed by a statue and a plane

S01E08 Kenny is killed by a bunch of turkeys. His eye gets plucked out. It’s dark blue

S01E10 After Kenny gets turned into a duck-billed platypus, Jimbo and Ned shoot him

S01E11 Ms. Ellen throws a sword through Kenny’s face

S01E12 While Mecha Streisand and a giant robot Leonard Maltin fight, Kenny plays with a tetherball and gets the rope wrapped around his neck and it strangles him

S01E13 Kenny gets stuck on a go kart and it drags him around but stops and he’s still alive! Too bad the go kart stops on train tracks and a train runs him over. Stan’s grandpa sends a video of the event to America’s Stupidest Home Videos and wins $10,000

If you read all that, first of all hello. I’m not new to the fandom even though this is the first thing I’ve posted on this tumblr blog. I’ve been writing a fanfic called Caffetamine though so I’m not a complete non-entity. Anyway, I’ll watch season 2 soon and post my notes on that too probably.

[cloveroctobers]

CHELSEA ELLE HODGSON —

IG info/Bio: @/chelseaaahodecor | 109k followers | hi babes! welcome to my life lovelies, please get comfy with this Prosecco im serving thru this screen! xx here’s my site if you need some light in ur life: ichelseahdgsondesigns.com 🏝💕

24 (25) years

From Buckinghamshire, England

Comes from a wealthy family

her father’s side of the family founded, “Hodgson investments” their company is built off of financial services

Her papo (grandfather) was arrested on tax invasion & served some time for doing so

Her father, Alistair now manages the company but under a different name

Her mother’s side of the family comes from old money...something about horses?

Her mother, Connie holds many events and seems to make $ from them but Chelsea isn’t quite sure what the woman does or if it’s fully legal

The family is all about protecting their image & if you don’t cut it, there will be repercussions

Feels a little like dynasty (I’ve only seen 2-3 episodes & never finished but get the point?) , maybe that’s why Chelsea & her sister enjoy watching it so much

Parents forsure held courtship events or either went to courtship events with their children (even Albie) & found suitors in hopes of marrying their daughters off (& finding Albie a new wife, only on Mrs. Hodgson’s part— mr. Hodgson seems nicer/easy-going)

Has older twin sibs: Albie-Crispin & Dolly-Georgiana

Often referred to as “the triplet” in the press

Well-known in their city

They’re all called by their first & middle name in their family household even tho their parents do not have middle names

Has a love/hate relationship with albie, he is selfish & has proven to do anything to drag others down to make himself look better

He’s a lawyer & has been married to his wife for about 7 years

Mrs. Hodgson, Dolly, & Chelsea all agree they do not like her but Chelsea puts on a smile whenever her sister-in-law is around while Mrs. Hodgson makes it known that she dislikes the woman, she thinks she’s beneath her son since her family does not make nearly enough $ put together between her & Mr. Hodgson

Dolly has a bf who’s a dental hygentist that she’s been dating for about 3 years but they’re both cheating on each other, she doesn’t think she’ll ever be married

She’s in office management

Chelsea fell in love with interior decorating from the moment she played with doll houses. Her grandparents made sure to send her the biggest doll houses they could find every Christmas. She’s always been in love with rearranging and picking certain items and best putting them into a space that works

She shit at drawing (she’ll leave that to the Architects) but she knows her furniture & patterns quite well

Has asked a few architects out on dates, some she worked with or stumbled across, only one seemed like it could have truly worked...I imagine him to look a bit like Henry Cavill with light facial hair (told you I’m a sucker for it, & Chelsea probably can tolerate just a bit not too much)

Yet Chelsea always has a wondering eye, she gets curious quite often which makes you wonder, is she really ready for love? To fully commit? One day she will be

It’s a competitive field and when she’s ready to battle she will but there are moments when she gets let down & has to pick herself up again

Has ADHD, goes to therapy for it & hates taking her meds. She’d rather stick to therapy sessions since it’s always nice to talk to someone

When she was younger she probably stole a friend or two’s bf & would definitely get mad if they did it back to her but they somehow still end up being friends in the end? Yikes

Hung out with the popular kids, was always at the parties making sure everyone was having a good time. Filling up the cups, directing where furniture should be moved, where the kegs should go, how many people should be there, etc...She doesn’t seem like the stuck up type like her mother but she is privileged & doesn’t realize it as much

Was a cheerleader & ran track, quit track to commit full-time to cheerleading since that kept her in shape enough

Dated here & there, had one bf where they would scream at each other and wouldn’t allow the other to leave or would be upset that the other didn’t come after them...yeah one of those couples

Broke up with her goth bf because he didn’t tell her he wasn’t coming to school for about a week; he had the stomach flu

Canon: Took a computer course in high school & in uni & found out she was at the top of her class for typing the fastest, she now loves the sound of her short pink ombré nails on the keys

Canon: Wanted to be a show jumper due to her mother’s side of the family & their history with horses

Goes to the stables every now & then, there’s one horse there that she’s absolutely in love with & loves to ride. Her father always offered to buy it for her but it’s not a animal she wants to own

Canon: loves finger foods + will get full off them at events quickly. She also doesn’t mind the tiny portions of food at expensive ass restaurants, it’s just enough for her

Takes hair supplements. Probably had long hair growing up that she always kept up in a bun or ponytail but decided to start chopping her hair off & getting layers & highlights which damaged her hair

Approves of plastic surgery

Is part of the itty bitty titty community & got a lift for them

Gets lip fillers for her bottom lip but isn’t a fan of needles + overlines her top lip

loves going to the dermatologist, the spa for facials & whatever else she’s willing to try & finding new skincare to buy

Tans & loves tropical hot summers

Buys an overload of bikinis even in the winter

Hates the rain, it messes with her mood

Loves a good lipstick & lipgloss combo, nudes & pinks are her to go to’s

Fav color is pink

Got herself a guinea pig after the show & named her “bubbly” after her baby in the villa

I feel like she would eventually get a tiny dog too

Has her own flat, that’s quite far from all of her family. She loves her dysfunctional problematic family but Chelsea likes her space from them too

Since buckinghamshire’s culture is more of a Middle Ages style, Chelsea made sure her home wouldn’t hold much of that style inside. It needed to be lively! Her family home was filled with dark wood & she can’t stand that

She loves going to the markets tho. She always seems to leave with something & either finds herself not liking it months later and ends up selling whatever item caught her interest

Her family tends to pop in whenever they want, especially her mother

Canon: talks about cat cafe’s when she’s drunk, says its her version of the chocolate factory + she’s the dancing drunk

Always down for a girls night out, girls trip & girls sleepovers

Probably goes to bed early around 10pm or earlier m if she’s not out having the time of her life, which makes her regret her choices the next morning

All her closest friends back home are a group of girls

Hangs out with Priya, Marisol, & Hope from the villa whereas the rest she’ll mostly communicate with them through socials or gatherings

Will host gatherings & expect them ALL to show up

Is dramatic when things don’t go her way

Loses focus more than gets bored in relationships? She’ll find other things or people to occupy her time which she doesn’t realize can be hurtful to others

When she does realize she hurts someone, she immediately wants to fix it

Canon: Is a blabbermouth. Cannot hold a secret for shit, also cannot tell a lie. Her body language gives it away first if she doesn’t spill it

Retail therapy is the best therapy if she doesn’t have a office appointment

Any spice girl song will be her karaoke song, she is always baby spice

Loves her Prosecco (me too sis!) & keeps plenty bottles in her wine fridge. She originally wanted a space with a wine cellar but got creeped out at the thought since it’s just her & bubbly living in the home

Has high cell phone bills, the girl loves a good chat

Cannot cook no matter how hard she tries. She’s been to cooking classes with an ex, watched videos, order from those food delivery sites to prepare food & it just never turns out well

Will spend hours in furniture stores, she’s had to be escorted out pass closing hours by security guards before & manage to make friends out of them. They all know who she is in majority of the stores she enters

Throws a party every time her following goes up. There’s never not a reason to throw one

Was upset that Carl unfollowed her once and figured Hannah made him do it. Which wasn’t true, Hannah was sure of herself now & doesn’t feel the need to be jealous, the man could follow whoever he wanted—she knew he barely stayed on IG in the first place. He thought it was too shallow

So when Chelsea called him one night sobbing he was utterly confused, he didn’t understand why a follow meant so much

He reluctantly followed her back

Thrilled to know Elijah, Lucas, & Carl all keep up with her. Oh & the rest of the boys ofc!

Chats with Jakub! They also hang out. They’re a bit of a odd pairing but they get along well, he’s basically another big brother to her but she actually likes him—

Afraid of the dark, keeps fairy lights lit throughout the night in her bedroom, keeps scent infused night lights in her hallways

Believes in feng shui

I feel like her voice is soft like jennifer Tilly’s?

Idk what her sun sign is? Is she a sag far as daydreaming cause she does that. I KNOW she has Leo in her chart, she’s dramatic, warm, likes to be admired & appreciated. Sun sign I need help? Maybe she’s a Sagittarius sun? + Leo moon + libra rising

Has a collection of celeb gossip magazines that she keeps on a stand next to her pink velvet chair beside her bow window

I think she will be the first islander that gets pregnant tbh & it’s by an architect (the guy I mentioned/envisioned that’s been waiting on her to realize he can give her the love she needs or prove he can balance her out) or firefighter or someone “manly” she wouldn’t end up with a islander I don’t think

she has a girl & names her, “adore”

Canon: Still wants 5 kids but we’ll see how that goes & if it’ll change, it’s been a bit difficult not drinking Prosecco but she’s got a lovely baby out of it

Crushes? Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Alfred Enoch, Alex Pettyfer, Joe Cole, Gregg Sulkin, Frank Dillane, Charlie Rowe, & Hero Fiennes Tiffin

Can listen to anything that’s got a good beat. But we all know she’s a pop & folk genre lover. She listens to: Astrid S, Maty Noyes, Cher Lloyd, Bebe Rexha, Allie X, Poppy, POST MALONE, etc.

Anthem? Gabrielle Aplin — Until the sun comes up

[pynkhues]

What’s you top 5 unpopular good girls ships?

I am eternally blessed, anon, because all my ships for Good Girls are pretty popular, haha. I’m all about Beth x Rio, Ruby x Stan, Dean x Suffering, Boomer x Grievous Bodily Harm! Even my non-canon ships like Annie x Nancy or Annie x JT are pretty popular! 

So instead, I’m offering you five crack ships and I’ve written the scenarios where I think they could work, because I am a glutton for punishment, haha. One of them I actually want to write, but I’m not going to say which, because I don’t want anyone to peer pressure me into writing it, hahaha. (I have way too many WIPs!)

Below a cut to save your feeds.

1. Krystal x Lucy

Okay, SO, I accidentally wrote them into the pornstar au, and ever since the thought came to me, it’s latched on like a parasite! I love the thought of them both having someone in their corner in the way that we sort of know they don’t? Lucy really needed somebody who could fight for her and was more clued into the world than either herself or Max, and Krystal pretty clearly needs someone who’s kind to her. Plus Krystal would edge out some of Lucy’s cutesyness, while Lucy would ground Krystal, and idk! I just think they’d be cute!

Okay, scenario though – I’m thinking the Hill’s have a Christmas party. Lucy and Max have recently broken up and Beth feels bad for her, so invites her to be her plus-one (or, well, plus seventh after Rio and the kids), and the gesture’s a nice one, but Beth is instantly distracted by helping Ruby get the food out or with Jane and Marcus inevitably causing havoc, and so Lucy ends up wallflowering, watching everyone else just - - know each other, right? 

And maybe Krystal sees her and maybe she’s a few drinks in already, so it’s not like it takes much to grab another cup of spiked eggnog and tumble against the wall beside Lucy. And maybe it’s awkward at first, because Lucy’s sort of weird, but maybe Krystal kind of likes that, and maybe Lucy compliments Krystal’s ugly snowman earrings, and Krystal really does think Lucy’s reindeer sweater is cute, and maybe Lucy falls a little in love when Krystal sings bawdy Christmas songs, her arm slung over Ruby’s shoulder, and Krystal falls a little in love when Lucy is unfairly good at drunk pictionary, and maybe it feels like they’ve known each other a lot longer than a night (and maybe they want to make sure they will). 

2. Mick x Mary Pat. 

Okay, okay, okay. Hear me out. 

So it finally happens. Rio finds out who Mary Pat is, what she’s done – that she’s Beth’s rotten egg – and y’know, Rio isn’t playing around anymore. He wants to send Beth a message, and what better way to do that than to handle the third person she couldn’t after Turner and Boomer? So he sends Mick off with an order.

And so Mick watches for a few days – keeps an eye on her schedule, her routine, carving out a plan to handle her as smoothly as possible (he’s not Rio after all, he doesn’t hand guns to women he’s just kidnapped, y’know?) – and starts to get a sense of her. Sure, maybe he feels a little bad. She has a lot of kids, y’know? And always seems pretty frazzled, at the end of her rope, but sort of sweet. She goes to church, sings in a choir, makes pancakes from a box, sure, but she adds both choc chips and blueberries which is a pretty good combo, and maybe it’s hard to believe she’s swept up in all of this, but then it was hard to believe Mrs Boland and that sweet girl from Paper Porcupine had been too. 

Still, Mick knows what he’s doing, y’know? 

He’s not Rio. He’ll finish the job.

So he steals into her house late at night, moving down to her bedroom, intending to take her outside, handle her away from the kids at least, when suddenly a wild Mary Pat appears! Brandishing a huge knife. 

Mick staggers back! Alarmed, and Mary Pat thrusts it at him, knowing exactly how long he’s been watching her and what does he think she is??? NEW to this??? She worked with the FBI! Okay, not --  not worked with them, but y’know, an agent was on her case for a while, and Mary Pat is not as stupid as her Uncle Larry told her that one time, and okay, Mick thinks, staggering back into his seat, eyes fixed on the knife Mary Pat is waving around at him. 

You wanna talk this out? 

It’s the wrong thing to say, because no, she doesn’t especially, and they just sort of stare at each other for a minute, trying to figure out what happens next when Billy wakes up and trots down the hallway, and he’s had a bad dream about the bad man, and for a minute, Mick thinks he’s talking about him, but then Mary Pat says something about how Boomer won’t ever step foot in this house again, and with the way she’s holding that knife, Mick is inclined to believe her. 

And then, well, Billy asks for pancakes. 

So that’s how Mick ends up eating pancakes with Mary Pat and three of her four kids at 2 in the morning, and y’know, he’s not a total asshole. He’s going to stay and help her clean up afterwards, and maybe it’s sort of nice, now that she’s put the knife down (although it is still in reaching distance, and honestly, he respects that), now that his gun’s back in his pants. 

And well, he can’t exactly kill a woman who just made him pancakes, so he figures next time, only next time, Mary Pat’s already cooking, and then the time after that, she’s already set him a plate, and maybe the time after that, she kisses him, and maybe the time after that, he kisses her first, and at least when Rio asks, Mick can just give him a look, because it isn’t like he doesn’t have his own batshit crazy mother of four he can’t kill. 

3. Rhea x Phoebe. 

So, y’know. Phoebe’s good at her job. 

Phoebe knows how to do a stakeout, to keep tabs, to collect intel. She revels in every part of the chase, every part of the puzzle, every part of the game of it all, because she knows that what she’s doing is right, she’s cleaning up the streets! Making the world a better place! But - - okay, she’ll be the first to admit that she already finds her marks exhausting.

Not so much Hill and Marks. They’re sort of fun to keep tabs on (and lowkey, Phoebe really does maybe daydream sometimes about what it might be like to sit on the couch and watch bad reality shows with them, drinking cheap wine and creamy, herb crusted cheeses). Even Boland is kind of awesome when she’s not with him. 

Because the thing is, as soon as Boland and the Big Kahuna are together, everything just gets a little - - hm. What’s the word for it? 

(”Nothing like watching a crime lord pull pigtails,” Henry had said on one stakeout, headphones on as they’d watched from afar as Big Kahuna had swung in close to Boland, said something that made her flush red and try to stamp on his foot. “Can’t wait until they graduate to passing notes. At least then there might be something we can use.”) 

And, well. It’s not like he’s wrong.

So maybe she starts to get bored of watching the highschool antics of them (as has everyone else, she thinks, if the looks on their faces is anything to go by - including the hitman clearly trying to take one, or both of them out [and please, a little part of Phoebe thinks, watching as Big Kahuna drags a finger across the back of Boland’s knuckles, and Boland wait until he’s gone to order the most expensive liquor in the bar to Big Kahuna’s tab]). Maybe that makes her dig a little deeper. 

Maybe that’s how she finds herself watching an under-9′s soccer game in a fold-out chair beside Big Kahuna’s baby mama. (She tells her she’s researching, so it’s not technically a lie, even if the cover of starting to coach a team of her own in the fall is a thin one).

And okay, maybe they hit it off. Which is kind of cool, Phoebe thinks, because it turns out Rhea is kind of cool (how she put up with Big Kahuna is a total mystery to her), and y’know, she’s actually pretty? LIke, pretty pretty. And nice, and totally normal, and maybe they get a coffee after the game, and catch a movie on the weekend, and maybe sometimes Phoebe forgets to fish about Big Kahuna at all, but that’s an easy mistake to make, and maybe Henry gives her a Look when he hears about it, but it’s nothing, Phoebe thinks.

She’s just doing her due diligence. 

Being thorough, y’know? 

I mean, who even knows when information could come out, and Phoebe’s just laying the groundwork anyway, she thinks, watching the line of Rhea’s neck, the purse of her lips, blinking rapidly when Rhea leans across the table, the curve of her breast visible beneath the thin fabric of her shirt, and says: “I know you’re a fed.” 

And Phoebe splutters as Rhea keeps leaning forwards. 

“I’m not going to tell you anything about him.” 

And what can Phoebe say except okay, something in her chest tightening at - - at what, Phoebe has no idea. Just knows that Rhea’s so close she can feel the other woman’s breath on her cheek.  

“I just want to be clear about that,” she tells her. “If we’re going to do this.” 

And Phoebe blinks, owlish at Rhea, pulse rapid and mouth dry as she asks: “Do what?” 

And well, it turns out Phoebe likes Rhea even more when she’s kissing her.

4. Greg x Dr. Josh.

Okay, so maybe two things happen. 

Maybe it’s a party of something when Annie finally turns around and tells Greg about kissing her therapist, and honestly, Greg shouldn’t be surprised. This is what Annie does, after all, and telling her off never really gets him anywhere, so he pours them both another drink, and - - sure, maybe another. 

Then maybe a few more. 

Because it’s just like they’re in this loop, y’know? Him and her. Like she fucks up and it’s not like she expects him to clean up after her (he’s not Beth), but it’s like there’s something in Annie where she needs him to know about it, and that just really gets to him sometimes, because like, Annie’s not his responsibility just because they have a kid together. Besides, he has Nancy now, so it’s not like he needs Annie, and even thinking about Nancy sort of makes him want to go and find her, so then he’s drunkenly stumbling around this party, looking for that cape of perfect blonde hair, and okay, maybe that’s when the second thing happens.

Annie. Nancy. Closet. Necking. Maybe a shirt’s off? There’s a lot of like - - like mouths and hand stuff and Greg slams the door shut and maybe goes and lies on the grass outside for a while. 

And okay, maybe it’s not a surprise either. Maybe this is also what Annie does too, but still, he stews on it, and then stews on it some more, and so what if he interrogates Ben for this therapist’s address, because like - - hadn’t Annie been going to him for months? How could this guy make everything worse. 

And sure, maybe storming into the guy’s office, drunk on anger this time instead of beer, isn’t the best idea, but he’s just - - pissed, y’know? And maybe he yells at the guy about where he gets off, kissing patients. Making his patients kiss his wife, and okay, the guy’s pale at first, but then is sort of nice, and they sit on the beanbags and talk for a bit about Hurricane Annie, and actually, he’s finished work for the day, so maybe they should go get a beer or whatever? 

And maybe later, when Josh drops a nervous hand to his knee and awkwardly closes the distance between them, when Greg’s kissing back, he does sort of wonder if he and Annie won’t always be pulling from the same pool. 

5. Turner x Noah. 

Come on. We all saw s2. There’s no way Turner didn’t offer a, ahem, hand to help Noah get over Annie. 

[melanch0lyism]

Here it is bois- Jagged Little Pill full plot synopsis

So, a lot of people in the JLP tag have been asking for a detailed synopsis of the show. I’m here to deliver! This goes out to @sunveiins and @lovebug1313 who I think were the first couple of people to start asking and wanted to be tagged to know when this was posted. Hope this helps for anyone who can’t get out to see the show!! (Also sorry this was delivered a bit later than promised I’m the worst sksdfn)

Warnings: Drug addiction, sexual assault, heavy topics like that and obviously spoilers if you want to go see the show for yourself

ACT 1:

-Mary Jane Healy is a mother obsessed with being seen as perfect, the best at everything, and with her family’s squeaky clean image. Literally all her energy is invested into making sure nobody knows that a single thing is wrong in her life.

-The show opens at Christmastime, and she is writing her annual family Christmas letter (the purpose of which is basically to brag about how great the Healys are doing and how she’s winning at life). 

-She writes about how her husband Steve got yet another promotion at work. Her daughter Frankie is in high school, as artistic and expressive as ever. (“In fact, right now, she’s upstairs with her best friend Joann working on a little craft project. *Lights on Frankie and Jo upstairs literally making out* “We always emphasize the importance of female friendships.”) And her golden boy, her perfect oldest son Nick, has just been accepted early to Harvard. (Right Through You)

-A celebratory breakfast for Nick reveals that the family is actually falling apart. Steve works so much that his marriage to MJ is now distant, hostile, and non-intimate. MJ is pressuring Nick to be perfect and keep up the family’s image. She’s constantly arguing with Frankie, who is adopted and feels the fact that she is black is being erased by her family in this white trash Connecticut town. (All I Really Want)

-Nick’s friends at school congratulate him and encourage him to come to a party that night to celebrate. Frankie and Jo complain about their complicated relationships with their mothers (Jo’s mom does not accept that she’s gay). (Hand in my Pocket) 

-MJ has a prescription for opiates as she had been in a car crash earlier that year. When they are unable to refill the prescription, she gets in touch with a dealer. (Smiling) WARNING THIS SONG WILL BREAK YOU EMOTIONALLY :)

-In class, a student named Phoenix (a good boy 12/10, the only man in the show apart from Steve who deserves rights) defends Frankie’s writing as the rest of the class ridicules it. The two start talking and developing feelings for one another, and they plan to meet up that night at the same party Nick had been invited to. (Ironic)

-Steve calls MJ to say he has to work late again. They get in an argument. Steve loves MJ and wants to work on things between them, but MJ is having none of it. (So Unsexy) Nick consoles an upset MJ who tells him that he’s “the only thing she’s done right.” She asks him to hang out with her, but he says tells her he was planning to go to the party. Nick sings about the pressure he feels from his mom to never screw anything up. (Perfect)

-Frankie and Nick roll up to the party. (Lancer’s Party [So Pure]) Frankie finds Phoenix and the two bond over their complicated home lives. Jo, who was dragged to a church function by her mother instead of being able to go to the party, joins the song. (That I Would Be Good)

-Bella, a friend of Nick’s, had gotten drunk at the party. The next morning the students are circulating pictures of her passed out with her shirt pulled up and talking shit about her. Frankie and Jo go to check on her and make sure she’s ok (despite the fact that they literally do not know her). Bella tells them that another friend of Nick’s named Andrew had raped her the night before while she had been drunk, but that no one will believe her. Frankie and Jo assure her that they believe her.

-Frankie goes home to confront Nick, who she knew had been with Bella and Andrew at the party. Nick brushes it off, citing Bella having been drunk and being known for her tendency to be dramatic. Their argument is overheard by MJ and Steve. Frankie tells Nick that as the only witness, he has to go to the police. MJ and Steve insist that he do nothing, as he had been drinking at the party as well and there could be consequences if that gets out. Also- insert subtext that MJ went through something similar to Bella in her college days. (Wake Up)

-MJ goes to church for the first time in years to pray for help with her addiction, her marriage, and her children. (Forgiven) (No one asked but this is my favorite song in the show, such a powerful moment. Idk if they do this still but at the ART they made it snow onstage, which really added to the sense of isolation the characters were feeling. One of the like 5 points in the show where I bawled my eyes out.)

ACT 2:

-Steve finally convinces MJ to go to marriage counselling with him, where she insists the problem is entirely his. (Not the Doctor) Big argument. Steve is frustrated that they haven’t had sex in almost a year while MJ says they shouldn’t need to since she knows from looking at his internet history that he watches weird porn every day. She feels unheard and unappreciated for all she does. He tells her she doesn’t have to do so much and starts singing a love song to her that gets hijacked by Phoenix and Frankie singing to each other. By the end of the song, the two end up in bed together. (Head Over Feet)

-Jo walks in on Phoenix and Frankie. While storming out of the house she runs into Steve and MJ and tells them what Frankie is doing upstairs. Phoenix gets the fuck out of there, so Frankie's alone to deal with her parents. She gets very upset that her parents aren’t ok with her choosing to have sex while they don’t care about what happened to Bella. She runs away from home, telling them some piece of paper doesn’t make her their daughter. That turns into yet another big fight between Steve and MJ.

-Frankie takes a train alone to NY. (Unprodigal Daughter) She tells Phoenix over the phone that she loves him, and is pissed that he isn’t ready to say it back. 

-Students at the school discus how outrageous they think Bella’s accusation is. Bella comes to the Healys’ house to talk to Nick, but only MJ is there. MJ tells Bella that the same thing happened to her in college (likely the first time she had said it out loud). After Bella leaves, Nick, feeling the guilt of being the only person with the power make people believe Bella, tells MJ the full extent of what happened the night of the party. He had been in the room when Andrew assaulted Bella, but had been drunk and in shock and did nothing to stop him. (Predator) Nick tells MJ that he wants to go to the police and help Bella bring Andrew to justice. She tells him what’s done is done, and the only thing telling the truth would accomplish is ruining his own life. Nick accuses her of only caring because harm to his reputation is harm to hers. 

-Jo comes to New York to pick up Frankie (who ran out of money and became desperate) and ends whatever undefined relationship/FWB situation they had going on. (You Oughta Know) (Holy shit. This one song alone deserves a tony. I cannot stress this enough- Lauren Patten is a GODDESS. I’ve never seen a standing ovation in the middle of a show before this.)

-MJ has overdosed on her painkillers and ends up in the hospital. (Uninvited) Steve arrives at the hospital and the fact that he didn’t know she was struggling rUINS HIM. (Mary Jane) They finally agree to actually put work into fixing their marriage. 

Steve, through tears: “I never meant to make you feel like work was more important than you or the kids. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed, I’m sorry. I’ve made so many mistakes. I’m such a mess.” MJ: “I’m detoxing from opiates. I win.”

MJ admits to Nick that she was wrong, and tells him to go to the police- Bella’s story is more important than their family’s reputation. Nick had already told the police what had happened.

-Everybody attends a rally Frankie throws for Bella, believing her now that Nick had come forward. There’s an important moment between Nick and Bella where he apologizes and she's mad that he gets to be the hero, that her saying it had happened wasn’t enough. (No) (Side note: in the ART version I don’t think Nick had a line in this song, letting Bella speak, and he just held up a sign that said “silence is violence” which was so much better.)

-The time has come for MJ’s next Christmas letter. She decides it will be the last one she writes and is honest for the first time about what had happened in the past year.

She writes about how she is in awe of Frankie, who spent the past year fighting for justice for Bella. MJ publicly admits her own past of sexual assault. She mentions that Andrew is being taken to trial and will not defend himself- he wants Bella’s to be the only story told. MJ and Frankie reconcile. (Thank U)

Instead of discussing Steve’s work again, she talks about how they are both in therapy individually and as a couple. He took up guitar lessons, but only knows how to play one Alanis Morissette record.

She opens up about her overdose and her experience in treatment.

Frankie dares her to send out the letter, and she does. “Merry fucking Christmas!” (Wow MJ Healy telling all her friends she has flaws? We love character development)

-Everyone reflects on what they learned (very cliché but it works). Frankie and Jo rekindle their friendship. Jo has a new girlfriend. Frankie and Phoenix decided to be friends. (You Learn)

[mistergrass]

I like seriously cannot stress how hard of a decision it was to start going back to church and start delving back into that part of my life -- it was a conscious decision and it was VERY much helped by a church I’ve found with a pastor who really really is a very good teacher with none of the bs regurgitated sunday school holy circle jerk type sermons

And like I know that immediately sends icky vibes to a lot of people, and like tbh it sent icky vibes through ME at first that I’m still getting over, and it’s still weird to talk about religion and my relationship with it super openly since it’s still such a work in progress and like,,, still super apprehensive, though it’s been getting better 

But like last week my dad came to town and things between us have basically done a 180 since our super rough temporary falling out that lasted,,, I mean, I guess about a year and a half. We talked it all out during Christmas and that was really good and really healing, and it was very important to me - because despite the reaction he had to my romantic relationship, he’s a wonderful person and I want him in my life. (But it hasn’t gone unnoticed that the conversation probably went as well as it did because me and my gf were broken up at the time and I was a mess about it).

But anyway when he was here I took him and my step-mom to my church, and I was mad nervous about it because I did really want him to like it. And he did. He LOVED it. He and my step-mom had like amazing things to say about it and apparently have been telling their friends about the service. My dad apparently hates the worship team at their church back home (rightly so, it’s pretty garbage lol) and they both don’t really like the pastor there either but they’ve just made so many friends that they’re kinda stuck there. But they were like over the moon at my church. And I’m happy??? But??? 

I was on the phone with him today and we were talking about it... and I think he’s taking my return to church (which started, really, about a year ago but has just now become more concentrated) -- I think he’s taking that as like?? Admission from me that I’m on the “right path”?? IE TO PUT IT PLAINLY, I have banished all my gay-ass thoughts!!!! 

Which is just real rough, because I chose to incorporate this back into my life not to fix something about myself, but to get back to roots in me that I want to nourish and grow. It took a long ass time to FIND a place that felt as though I could do that in the first place. The people who go here are young, they’re artists, they’re diverse, and I get absolutely no gate-keeping or anti-queer vibes. But like idk it’s just hard because I know I’m going to have this conversation with my dad again, and I really don’t want to have to go through this cycle with him all over. 

And to be honest, I don’t think it’ll be as bad as it was last time. And I’m going to set very very strict boundaries with him from the get-go, and also be very clear with him that I really don’t mind if he takes the time he needs to process it, just as long as I don’t get another really vile and heart breakingly awful verbal/written response (like last time, which he has since apologized for) and as long as he knows I won’t be mad that he’s taking time at all. Which is part of what kept him from reaching out to me in that period because he though I was mad at him for not talking to me for so long. Which,,, I mean honestly, I really wasn’t. But I did assume he was stewing in a big broth of Homophobic Juice, when the reality was it very honestly was hard for him to grasp and understand and it really, like, hurt him. 

And I know that would put a lot of people up in arms, but I just can’t get angry about that. He deserves to take the time he needs to deal with this and understand it, and understand me. He’s allowed to be hurt and need time to process and work through his own hurt -- just as long as he doesn’t lash out at me and listens to me when I tell him it’s not a reflection of his parenting, and he’s going to have to stop looking it in that way. 

Ah, this turned out really long. But it’s just been all on my chest since he came to town a couple weeks ago. All my very important relationships that were damaged in the previous years have very steadily started to improve and strengthen. And that, honestly, includes my relationship with religion. And I am happy for all of that. I guess it’s just been so nice to have some calm after the huge-ass storm that was the holiday season last year, that I’m a little nervous to potentially have to make ripples in that again. 

[mc-amps]

Thoughts on Ray’s Route and Unknown

A crazy long rant >.<

It’s been exactly a year since I finished Ray’s route. I still remember that day quite well. I found it actually kind of romantic that I finished on Valentine’s Day. It was like Saeran was my Valentine. My thoughts on the route at the time were that of anger and joy. Suit Saeran made me furious, but GE Saeran made it better. He made me cry a lot of happy tears. Now that a year has passed, I wanted to talk more about my feelings about the route.

Everyone who knows me knows that I’m passionate about Unknown. Heck, just by looking at my blog, you could probably see that. From the very moment I saw him in the game’s opening movie, I was very curious and excited to see the trouble he would cause. I ended up seeing the prologue bad end on youtube and was like “Dang that’s hot +_+” Idk. I’ve always had a thing for those sweet talking kidnapper villain characters. The ones you know aren’t good for you, but if they ever got their hands on you, they’d cherish you in their own twisted way.

As I played through all of the routes, the part that excited me the most was when Unknown would show up and do bad things. Zen’s route in particular was so thrilling. The fact that he didn’t show up in Jaehee’s route was a bummer, but I was extremely disappointed when he did nothing in Jumin’s route too. Jumin was the one I ended up really liking, so I had been hoping to see my main man duke it out with evil side bae. Unfortunately, that never became a thing T_T

I saw some minor spoilers for Seven’s route, so I knew that Unknown would be heavily involved. I ended up being really disappointed with that route. At the time, I blamed it on Seven’s pushing MC away, but in hindsight, another major factor was that we really didn’t get to interact with Unknown much after the break in. Even during the secret ends, he’s there, but doesn’t really pay much attention to you. I guess I had been hoping to explore things with Unknown and his twisted view on the player. I also really wanted to help him recover after Mint Eye, but Seven took total control with that.

By that point, I had kind of accepted that Unknown wouldn’t be dateable, so I just figured that Jumin was my “true end.” But then the Christmas DLC happened. . .

It.

Was.

AMAZING!!!

Seriously! Unknown’s ending was everything I wanted from him!! He abducts you from the RFA, spoils you with gifts, and ties a ribbon around your neck +_+ He’s menacing and creepy, but still very charming and fun about it. It’s thrilling. My only disappointment was that it was so short, but that sparked the hope that Cheritz had more plans for him. Surely, they wouldn’t include that as the only way to end up with him.

When V’s route was announced, I clung to the hope that they were also going to secretly include a Saeran route. I figured that the route would branch off from the prologue bad end and let us spy on the RFA or something.

So then V’s route came out. Gah…I could go on a huge tangent just about V, but all I will say is that I felt no chemistry with him at all, and grew quite annoyed with all the secrets and shenanigans. Ray intrigued me though. Due to not having enough HG, I had to wait to do V’s route, so seeing Ray’s name in the call card purchase thing and also seeing his little intro bubbles when you first start up game made me feel even more hyped. I was so eager to see what this dude’s deal was. Once I played, I was definitely enamored by his cute creepiness, though I was under the impression that it was Unknown putting on a sweet charade for the MC and would soon show his true colors. It did get to the point where I got a little frustrated with Ray and his lies, because I just wanted him to rip off his suit, ruffle his hair, and reveal his true self. That did end up happening…though much later and not at all how I expected. Anyways, Ray did grow on me more, and I found myself feeling frustrated and agitated once we got separated.

And then Unknown showed up. O. M. G. Did that man show up. I honestly still remember exactly what I was doing when that went down. I was upset about missing a Ray call, but then my friend messaged me and said that I was going to LOVE what was about it happen. I had just gotten out of the shower, and was still in my towel, hair dripping wet when I did the chat and got the phone call. THE PHONECALL!!! That had to be the moment that I feel deeply and madly in love with this man. The way he says that he wants you and even says he will show you the things that Ray wanted to do to you. I was on the edge of my seat. I was screaming, blushing and swooning. Even though he could be quite frightening, it was still very fun. I was so excited to see what would happen, and I even spent the extra HG to call him as much as I could. I was honestly hoping that he would come to the cabin, or that we would at least encounter him in person, but alas… he really wasn’t out all that long T_T

I will say that Ray being worried and upset about the possibility of Unknown hurting MC was quite touching. I really was developing feelings for Ray. I didn’t adore him as much as Mr. Sexy Edgelord, but I still liked him, which brings me to the topic of how Another Story handled Saeran. Yes, I do think that Ray was added to make Saeran “romanceable.” I really don’t see any signs of Ray in the OG game, however, my friend, TK, pointed out that during the secret end when Unknown and child!Saeran seem to have that back and forth and then shoot V, that was dissociation. So that could be a hint about him having DID. And it does make sense that Unknown would have eventually taken complete control by the time the OG timeline takes place. All that’s to say, I really don’t mind Ray. He’s a sweet and cute bebe and his creepy side is pretty fun. He and Unknown have a pretty interesting dynamic too. Both have the same desires for keeping MC while destroying V and Seven. It’s just that they go about it different. Unknown is bold and unapologetic, while Ray keeps things in and is much more gentlemanly. They clash, yet I could see them growing to get along and work together. They would honestly make an amazing team. As you can imagine, I was pretty sad when Ray died and furious at V for still not revealing the truth to Seven. Really V? REALLY!?!

So fast forward to when Ray’s route was announced. I was hyped. Absolutely HYPED. This was the most excited I had been about something in a long time. I preordered the Mint Eye box and then waited, and looked at endless fanart of Ray and Unknown. My predictions for the route was that we were going to save Ray from the fate of Unknown completely taking over. That we were going to teach him what real love was compared to obsession. After all, he acts very clingy and creepy in V’s route, so that seemed to be the problem that needed fixing. I also was highly anticipating what Unknown would do. We would be stuck with him, completely at his mercy. Hhhh +_+ I was also thinking that he and Ray would be constantly switching control and fighting each other. But I hoped that they would learn to accept each other. My main worries for the route were that 1. Unknown would disappear forever at the end. 2. MC would be taken away from Magenta and separated from Ray sometime during the route. And 3. Rika would get all freaky fresh and get in the way. Rika did ruin things, and Unknown did end up disappearing forever…or rather, he ended up not existing at all! But more on that later.

It felt like an eternity, but the box finally came. Waiting for the tracking was pure torture, but once it came OMG Here’s the mail it never fails~ It makes me wanna wag my tail~ When it comes I wanna wail MAAIIIIIIIIL~~~! Looking through the box was an absolute joy. The smiling picture of Ray in his diary melted my heart, and I put all of the pictures in frames. Though I will say I was disappointed about the lack of Unknown content…it should have been a red flag about his fate in the route. Anyways, I was going to start the game at midnight that night. It was around a twelve hour wait, but it felt so. much. longer!!! I remember I was listening to the soundtrack and couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I Am the Strongest hyped me up, I was almost certain that was going to be the song that played when Ray and Unknown fought, but alas… Four Seasons also made me cry. It made me so happy to think that Saeran would get a happy ending with MC T///T I even saw the trigger warning for the route and figured it involved Unknown being kinky and aggressive. Either that or them really delving into Saeran’s childhood abuse… T_T And once again, I was completely wrong.

Speaking of agonizing waits though, playing through those first four days before entering Ray’s route. Torture. Pure torture. I didn’t care about V, or the RFA, I just wanted Ray and Unknown. Once I got to the first new VN, my hands were so shaky and I was tearing up. Ray’s new faces were amazing, though at the time I hadn’t realized that the Ray I knew was about to change…

It was something I hadn’t noticed at first, but Ray’s creepy, possessive side completely vanishes. I get that he would decide not to give MC an elixir, but I still feel like he isn’t going to magically lose all of his creepiness. That was honestly what made him fun, and while I do understand his self-loathing, I do feel like it got repetitive. Chats during that branch started to sound the same, and I found myself getting antsy. I just wanted to spend time with Ray and get to know him more, but at the same time all the foreshadowing with Zen’s Jekyll and Hyde/White or whatever got me super SUPER EXCITED!

From what I understand, Hyde is based off of Jekyll’s darker impulses. He’s violent and sexually aggressive. Because let’s face it, Ray’s darker desires are that he wants to hurt Seven and V, along with making MC his. He’s just not as bold and active about it, but he does send that Prime Minister info to Seven along with the ripped pictures to V. He also does say a lot of creepy things to MC. It’s easy to imagine that Unknown would actually put these desires into action, and he has shown that he’s very capable of that in other routes. The symbolism was perfect for Ray and Unknown! I believe Zen also alluded to Jekyll and Hyde fighting for control, so I also thought that foreshadowed that Ray and Unknown were going to indeed duke it out. Imagine it. Fighting over your safety and wellbeing. One man just wants you happy, while the other wants to selfishly keep you all to himself. I was so pumped. SO PUMPED.

But then tragedy struck.

Thing is, I am a curious kitty. I’m a ho for spoiler, and me being me, I sniffed around and accidentally saw something I shouldn’t have saw. Someone was complaining that “Saeran” was way too mean to the MC. It went on to describe how he called her ugly, and smelly and how he would feed her.

I was crushed.

I was absolutely crushed. The thought of Unknown doing that was devastating. It just so happened that I saw that on the day that the switch happens, so I spent most of that day moping, and then the night dreading it.

Here’s the thing though. When it happened, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was. It didn’t hurt my feelings, but instead baffled me. This man seemed different than Unknown. Not only was he dressed completely different, but his voice seemed a lot more subdued. His laughs were not nearly as loud or high pitched, and even the chatroom… he felt different than the man who said he would come to cabin and drag me back to Mint Eye. His speech bubbles were even a different color. They’re blue in this, but then reddish in V’s route, the Christmas DLC, and the OG Prologue. (Fun fact, but before V’s route, Unknown’s bubbles were purple.) He seemed a lot less threatening, more extra, more insecure, more sane, and because of this, I’ve come to the conclusion that they are different people. Therefore, I’ll call him Suit Saeran. Now I know some people say that Suit Saeran is like the baby version of Unknown, but eh…that doesn’t explain why he’s so more like the OG Unknown in V’s route. I feel like Rika’s treatment of him affects how the new personality will act, and if we get a Rika route, my theory is that “Saeran” will become possessive of her and become your love rival for her.

Now I will say I get it. I get why Suit Saeran acts the way he does. It ties into Ray’s self-loathing, but…I feel like Unknown would have tied into the way Ray acts in V’s route. Why did they change Ray? Why didn’t they go with Unknown instead of Suit Saeran? Did they think Unknown was too violent? Did they think he was unlovable? Or was it that they were punishing Unknown fans for being so thirsty. Everyone in all the other routes cherishes MC for the most part …except in this route.  Suit Saeran and even Rika berate MC, call her useless, and pretty much say she’s better off dead. I personally found it ridiculous to the point of being comedic, but I do know that it deeply upset some people. I do think it went too far. For example, the CGs with Suit Saeran are great, but his dialogue during those scenes just ruins any enjoyment I could get from that.

I was so furious.

Unknown was truly the one thing I had been waiting for, and it felt like a slap in the face.

I will say that Suit Saeran apologizing and then the emergence of GE Saeran made things…kind of better. I was a little upset that Ray and Suit Saeran (And any other personas) seemed to be gone forever though, but GE Saeran was sweet, and after the abuse and agony of Mr. Posh Tie Boy, it was a Godsend. The phonecalls were great, and the chats were great, but that didn’t fix everything. Though looking back, I kind of feel like Ray didn’t really get any development in his own route. Even with the self-loathing plotline, he himself never learns to love himself. The last time you see him, he’s crying and saying how he was never meant to stay around. So he basically just disappears forever. At least Suit Saeran got to learn his mistakes and try to make things right. Idk. It’s just kind of upsetting and strange to me.

Anyways, there were still plenty of sleepless nights where I would just think about how Unknown wasn’t in the route, and how I would never be able to get to him or romance him. To this day, it’s still something that frustrates me to no end, and it’s honestly something that always will. I’ve lost hope that Cheritz will give us any other Unknown content. We haven’t gotten the after ends after all. The daki was nice, but dang…in a way, it’s kind of another slap. They were capable of writing a flirty Unknown. They were capable of writing him fighting Ray for MC’s affection. WHY WAS THIS NOT PUT IN THE ROUTE! THEY MAKE UNKNOWN SO SEDUCTIVE AND PASSIONATE ARGH IT’S WASTED POTENTIAL FSJDLKJLKSDJLFJSDLKfjls

There’s also the fact in the Halloween DLC that Ray compares himself to the Phantom of the Opera…and that dynamic once again fits Unknown more. The only time the Phantom talks mean to Christine is after she pulls off his mask after her first abduction, but it doesn’t last long, and otherwise he’s a lot more seductive and aggressive like…UNKNOWN. Sigh…heavy sigh… I’m a huge phangirl, and honestly I really do feel like the Phantom fits Ray and Unknown perfectly. T_T There’s his sweeter, more childlike, vulnerable angel side, and then his dark, seductive, murderous side. HHHHHHHhhhhhh.

I used to hate Suit Saeran, but now I don’t. I still kind of resent him for taking Unknown’s place, but when I look at him as a separate entity, he’s not so bad. He’s kind of funny, and there’s good fanart of him.

I’m really not sure how I feel about GE Saeran. Back then I had really liked him, but now I wonder if maybe…he had been a little too perfect? And it really bothers me how the other personas are gone. He seems really different from Redhead Saeran too. I get that he escaped from Mint Eye with less trauma and had MC along to help but… JFsldjflsfj idk though. I’ll see how he is in the after end. If we get a dark chocolate Valentine’s day with him unleashing his Unknown side then…I’ll forgive Cheritz…a little…but at this point, I’m not even sure if we’re getting the after ends.

Ultimately, if Unknown had never existed, then I would have liked this route a lot more. The fact that he’s not in it destroys my enjoyment of it.

Ah this is getting long, so I guess all I can do is make Unknown content, and make things the way I wanted them to be. I don’t plan on leaving this fandom any time so soon, so don’t worry about that~ And if you stayed to read this entire rambling rant then you’re so awesome T///T

Edit Feb 13th

So I wrote this a week or so ago and queued this for Feb 14th, and as you can see, I added tags talking about V’s route. I really liked Ray’s villainous side, but now that I’m farther in V’s route, I’ve got so much more to say. For one, my thoughts on Ray still stands, but Unknown. Oh my goodness Unknown.

I was determined to get all of his calls, just figuring that I would I get a fun little flirty time, but I got so much more than that. I can scream to the rooftops that he’s so much more fun and different than Suit Saeran, but he’s also in a lot of pain. It’s something that hadn’t quite sank in the first time around, but he’s happy to have his body back. He’s annoyed at Ray and thinks he’s too soft and an idiot, but a lot less harder on him than Suit Saeran is. 

But there’s a phonecall that really got to me. He doesn’t let you respond at all, but he wants you to listen. It seems like he wants someone to talk to.

You know...I still don’t get who I am.

I’ve been awake for only a few times. And I still don’t get how come I’m awake.

But I know one thing... I’ve been so freaking mad from the beginning.

I want to crush everything I see. I can’t control myself.

I just broke every single flower pot Ray was tending.

I felt a little better after stomping those frail roots.

What am I...?

Why did I wake up so suddenly?

Did I wake up for vengeance?

He then goes on to talk about torturing V, but the way he says this, there’s pain behind his growls and cackles. It hurts my heart. I don’t know...even if Cheritz intended for him and Suit Saeran to be the same person, the pain they go through feels different to me. It just feels like they changed so much about his and Ray’s character when they made Ray’s route.

Who is Unknown?

Who is he really?

Will we ever get to find out...? 

[gg-astrology]

💘💫🌙☀️ Tag Games 🌙💫☀️💘

Thank you so much  @kai-tashi for thinkin of me and tagging me in the post ;; 💕💕 I feel like I got to know u better thru this as well!! 💕💕

5 things in my bag

Sunglasses - sometimes I have 3 pairs in my bag just so I can match it with my ootd 💕

Wallet/Purse -- it’s a gold shiny one so I use it as a mirror as well ksdjnfjk it also has all my keys attached to it! 💕

Rollerball perfumes - I have mini ones just incase im in a dash (i usually am) i can grab them real quick and roll some on my wrist, shirt, dress, face, neck etc 💕 My essential is that I’m sensitive to scents/smells and I gotta be the best smelling person in the room at all times otherwise I feel whack (I don’t like not being clean either ijnskn makes me feel some typa way) 💕

Lip tint/stick- I have like 5 of these in my bag, I can’t stand not having anything on my lips. If it’s one thing I gotta have, it’s colours on my lips (not even bright ones just colours). Also because I like mixing colours tgt... I sometimes dab them on as blush or eyeshadow if I want a little more cohesive color scheme on my face? I like rose pink matte colours, soft feels 💕💕

Eye drops -- my eyes are dry as hell so I make sure to get them well lubricated all the time 💕 My left eye get irritated really easily

5 things you’ll find in my room (apart from my bed, wardrobe, mirror)

Books - so many books, I have 2 full bookshelves (double stacked) and I still have cabinets downstairs displaying by other books as well. I really need to reorganize cause I horde them alot 💕

My old painting/art-work - I frame them and keep them displayed, or hang my canvases. Some of them are kinda big tho so I just... place them against the wall and stack them like that ksjndf 💕

Hella Skin-care - I have a little make-up/skin-care corner where I’m actually managing to organize them with tiny bins and organization drawers. I keep my hair curlers and straighteners, my contact lenses and stuff in my vanity as well 💕 

Lots of pillows/stuffed animals + 2m tall teddy bear - I don’t know why?? I just horde them on my bed? Along with a the teddy that I finally got last christmas. I named him bebito and he’s low-key a make shift bean bag for me to sit on sometimes ksdjn 💕All the dolls I bought when I’m with people or was feeling some type of ways, so there’s memories associated to them 💕 

Clothes - I am overflowing with clothes. Constantly my laundry bin is stocked full and I feel like I’m doing so much laundry even though I dress like?? once a day?? I like layering my looks tho so maybe that’s why?? 

5 of my favourite things

Kitties - I lov them :((( 💕💕 I love other people’s pets as well

Documentary videos - no lie it gets me to relax/spend time decompressing just by watching them 

My friends - I wouldn’t be who i am without them :(( 💕They are so good and caring and even tho I’m terrible at keeping in-check constantly they make sure not to pressure me bc I really am busy a lot of the time 💕 

My emotional support teddy bear -- my favourite, oldest one whom I can’t sleep without. I once travelled and forgot her at home so i called my roommate up at 6am and made him check my bed for me in case she’s there (and not like, lost at the airport0 💕 

My family - my understanding of camaraderie is being with the people in my private space/house and my neighbours too. Makes me feel like?? 💕 i’m a part of the community and keeps me happy most of the time 💕 

5 things I’m currently into

True Crime Documentaries -- listen,,, when I said i love documentaries/autobiographies and non fictions i wasn’t kidding lmao this is how i get my dose of history daily, and some of the recent ones? i want to hear about new evidence about things too  

App games - im super late to most of them but goddamn I love playing on apps when i know I have a charger nearby. 💕 

Exercising -  when I’m stressed/need to decompress this is my go-to. It’s a sure fire way to get me to relax and also feel better later. I’m an avid water-drinker anyways, so sweating it off comes with the territory (and i love showering like it’s my favourite thing to do i can’t stand not showering I’d probably take 3 showers a day if I could) 💕

Twt Aus - listen,,,, i can’t help it. I love how creative and imaginative they are?? 💕 And i love visual stuff. Like if it’s not auditory then it’s visual. When people send me their placements and aspects and I have to read them I’m always getting a bit of whiplash @_@... I jus do a lot better when I can see what’s happening y know? 💕

Reading more e-books - I used to not have time to do this,,, but I feel like I’ve been wanting to read more and more short pieces so I look for books that are like.. 100-300 pages and get through them at night instead 💕 I feel good about it too 💕 Since I can just keep them with me 💕💕 But idk I still like physical copies a lot as well..  

5 things on my To-Do list

Get my phone fixed/get a new phone --- i might have fucked up my phone to the point where I can’t use the touch screen anymore just now whoops 

Start taking more routine walks outside - I always walk when it’s necessary (to pick up some stuff) but I want to take more walks for health? I used to run alot as well but I haven’t done that in ?? a year?? so I want to get back in the groove soon (I’ll start walking tomorrow) 💕

Try to lessen my sister’s load - right now I’m cooking for everyone but I feel like if I drive to pick the kids up too, or do more little things for my sister I’ll feel better as well 💕 I want to try taking on more responsibilities, helping people with more stuff in my private sphere 💕

Ah open a new bank account -  I haven’t got time to make one with the bank I wanted yet, so I gotta remember to do that. 💕 It’s just a little to-do list I gotta remember

Pick up a new body scrub -  the one I’m using is too abrasive so I have to pick up ones that are more moisturizing/softer on my skin :(

Anyone else who’d like to do this please feel free to do so and tag me! 💕 But I’ll also tag @harunaneko44 | @bono-boox-heart | @circumsteterunt | @rkkive | @kvrdelen | @vanteslens | @myblurryreality | @lija29 | @mundodeakyra | @lightofmyseoul  as well 💕 If you don’t have time/don’t want to do it no worries don’t ever feel bad for not doing tags lmao? 💕 But yes! 💕 Here I am! 💕 

[senil888]

when you get this you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positivity is cool)

ok so like. this has been in my inbox for at least MONTHS and I didn’t answer sooner because I didn’t feel like I was in a good enough place to really answer this so...here we go.

1) My appearance. This seems vain, but seriously a year ago I was super unsatisfied with my overall look. I didn’t like my outfits, I didn’t like my body’s build and how it decided to place my fat OR muscle, and I didn’t really like my face or hair either. Then I ended up getting a haircut and going with something new and fresh (praise be ukhairdressers.com - they have styles just all together for men and women of all colors, lengths, styles, etc. for you to browse it’s how I’ve decided on my hair every time it’s been cut), getting flannels to wear when it gets cold instead of just throwing a t-shirt and sweatshirt on, nice slacks in addition to jeans (and then later jeans that I LOVE how they fit on me), so on so forth. I even got a solid 5-blade razor from Harry’s that helps clean my face wonderfully plus some body and face wash (separate things of course). I’m not quite where I want to be - my body is still a work in progress and I’m still going to be displeased or frustrated with it, but I own it. I do what I can to reduce the aspects I dislike while enhancing those I do like as I improve. Plus I’ve been told by a few people I’ve considered as potential relationships that I have a model-face with my beard now so like? yay!

2) My simultaneous desire to not change while also wanting to change everything. This somehow manages to even out in bursts of change followed by periods of stagnation, which builds up to another burst of change. I didn’t restyle my hair, get clothes, my razor, and new shoes in like a span of a week. I go my hair done, then I saw a Broadway musical the day after with my mom and I got one flannel shirt and a pair of slacks. That led to more flannel over Christmas. Couple months later I learn about Stitch Fix and keep everything (as it turned out to be CHEAPER than sending even one thing back lol) and I still love the jeans, flannel, and undershirt I got from them (my nice twill buttonup flannel-style thing broke a button and IDK where it ended up at). It’s been gradual, but the changes are slowly adding up to the point where I totally couldn’t look at myself three years ago and consider him to be entirely the same as me.

3) My passion for GOOD, FLAVORED SPARKING WATER. seriously. this has been my #1 way to get more water in without dealing with the “ugh, water flavor” again. Few enough calories in it that I burn it off pretty easily by walking, and it has a nice flavor that isn’t overpowered. Right now my love is Spindrift’s sparking water. If La Croix is the “hint of hint of lime”, Spindrift is more like a “bit of lemon”. Not enough to overpower and be a major flavor, but enough to get that “ugh water” flavor away.

4) Weirdly, how stringent I am with relationships. I’m super particular about who I feel comfortable calling my friends because to me, friends are the people I can confide very personal details to. Things like my anxiety/panic attacks, my day-to-day, and even the random shit I need to vent about. And since I feel like a romantic partner to me is basically a super duper mega close friend that we both feel things about, it means I have a crazy high bar for people to pass to even be considered as romantically viable to me. This leads, unfortunately, to my overwhelming sense of loneliness and dread over not finding someone, but whenever something happens because I wasn’t being cautious enough (or if someone sets me off and clearly displays some flags) then I get reminded “Oh. That’s right. That’s why I’m really particular about my relationships.”

5) The dumbest entry, but the little things in my life. My weird passion for tea (which has started to spread over to actually good espresso but espresso machines are pricey for even the basics [taking donations for a $100 espresso machine - just kidding]), my passion for computers which has turned into an overall love and hate relationship with computers, computer security, hardware, etc., and my love for, well, the simple things. The obvious. The “works as you expect it to”/”just as the tin says” kinda things. The simple things are my favorite because I can expect them to do what they should do. It’s lovely.

okokok long as hell sorry. but. I tag...shoot. IDK who’s gonna end up here, but honestly? Feel free to answer it yourself. Be introspective for once - I’m not and I’m not comfortable doing it until I’m doing okay mentally/emotionally. But try it. It’s cool what you find out, even if it’s not the rosy view you wanted to see.

[punkwithpaints]

College Weeb

Finally, I’m away from high school and in college. None of the weebs had went to the college I chose. Thank God. I was so excited my dudes. I’d be in COLLEGE art classes. I would finally not just be limited to 2 rooms, BUT A WHOLE BUILDING DEDICATED TO ART. I was very happy about it. The idea of having a whole semester dedicated towards just 1 area, such as painting, was just awesome to me. On top of they, they had offered course I’d never been able to take before, so more or less, I was super excited to learn new things. Also, I’d get to be around people who actually knew how to draw. Or so I thought.

I had a drawing 1 class and a Color Theory painting class. (I’m just gonna refer to it as Painting 1) So, my drawing class rolls around and I go on up there and sit on one of the bar stools which we’re in a circle. A girl is already sitting to the left of me, wearing a beanie and had various pins on her bag. I wanted to talk to someone, but like I’ve said before, I’m not the best at starting a conversation. Luckily (not so much now), she started talking, saying hi and the sort. The small group of us that had gathered started to talk about what year we all were and where we’re from. Weeb is just gonna be called Weeb cause I’m running out of initials. She was the one sitting to my left. She kept talking to me, and I didn’t mind as we talked about what we thought the class was going to be like and all that. Seemed nice enough. She asked me what I drew, I told her I was into fantasy type things and mythical creatures. She told me she like, yep, anime. Alright, that’s fine. I don’t mind if you doodle it on your free time and such, but I was positive that a person in college, going to be an art major, had their own style other than just anime. I figured she just used it for quick sketches, certain commissions, whatever. Our teacher came in, and honestly, I loved this professor. He was this small Asian man, kinda old, and was blunt as fuck. This is important for later. This teacher is very excited to see our work, and tells us he would love to see our sketchbooks. If we would like to bring them in, he’d love to check them out.

Now, I loved this idea, given that I had been working on large, detailed headshots of my characters, some fan art, and other things, and would love to hear his feedback right off the bat. I double check with him next class period, asking if he would mind if I brought mine in. He was very excited and told me he would love it. So, next time I had him, I brought my current sketchbook and my concept sketchbook, as usual. What I didn’t know was that, yeah, my teacher was going to talk to me about him, but he also wanted to show and talk to the class about it as well. I didn’t really mind, given that he asked first and everyone seemed really nice in this class. I said I didn’t mind and he asked everyone to scoot up to the table he was at and passed my sketchbooks around, telling everyone to be careful. I’m not the best at receiving compliments face to face, due to the fact I’m very flattered and don’t know what to say. (Seriously though, thanks to anyone who likes my art <3) Soon enough I was getting students complimenting me about how much they loved my stuff, how cool it looked, and other things. I was very flattered and thanked them repeatedly. When someone would do the whole, “I wish I was this good” or whatever, I’d tell them they were, just in their own way.

I’d like to make a disclaimer again: By no means do I consider myself an amazing, perfect artist. Hell nah. I got so much to learn and work on, and I think I’m ‘okay’ at best. I never want someone to tell me they wish they were as good as me and such, because I take that as they’re comparing themselves to me and saying I’m better. I firmly believe in the idea that artists shouldn’t compare their skill level to another artists to judge their work. Compare it to something you did a year or so ago! Your improvement and skill level is YOUR improvement and skill level, not everyone else’s, you got this. <3

Anyway, pep talk out of the way, lets move on. Weeb saw it and was suddenly like, quiet, I really don’t remember her saying much actually. I didn’t really think about it though, since I had been talking to another classmate about what marker brands I used and going over the inking pens we liked. (I was so happy to talk to people who geeked out about this stuff as much as I did.) My teacher told me I was a great artist and he would love to see what else I make.

Alright, so as we go through the semester, I’m having a great time. My drawing class just used graphite/charcoal for our drawings, and I was happy to get back into the swing of using them. At some point, my teacher had been talking to weeb about one of her drawings, and asked if she had an art background. Some people in this class were taking it as an elective, so some people didn’t have any experience with art. She came all pouty to me and was like, “I’m really upset.” I don’t really care too much, but go ahead. She went on to tell me about how she was upset that our teacher thought she had no art background.

Being honest, I totally thought she didn’t either…She didn’t know shading, she didn’t know proportions, she didn’t know the difference between graphite and charcoal, didn’t know the difference between oil and acrylic paints. Y’all know how when you buy brushes, the package or display usually has what media they’re best used for printed on them? She saw one that said all purpose, and still asked what she could use them with. Absolutely no common sense, even with the bare basics of art. Now, I tried so hard to help explain things to her, but it just went right over her head.

We were in this art club on campus, by the way, and this group had a group chat. This is gonna all come into play later.

During Christmas break, I had taken all my art supplies back with me and sat my workspace back up. I had taken a picture and sent it to the group chat, telling everyone I was excited to have my workspace all fixed back up and asked if they were excited for break. Everyone talked about Christmas Break and was sending pics of their setup as well, since we had never got to see each others actual set ups or rooms, and we had talked about them frequently.

Now, in my photo, in a kinda obscure area, I have a Babe Ruth tin that I store some of my pens in. Weeb messages me privately, zoomed into that tin and was like, “Where did you buy that?” Okay, whoa, weird, how hard were you looking at my photo bro? Whatever, I tell her I had found it in the paint bin when I was the Paint Master in drama. She asks, “So, you didn’t buy it?” No, obviously not, considering I FOUND it. She lets it go.

Christmas came and went, and she messaged me, telling me she had gotten some Prismacolor markers. Cool dude. She bragged about how she had been watching a bunch of tutorial and read up on them. HOWEVER, she immediately started to ask me how to use them and the such. Okay, fair game, I’ll help you considering you’ve never used them, but if you’ve read and looked at a bunch of research, why are you asking me? I’ll help though, maybe she just needs some verification or something. She proceeds to ask, “What’s the difference between a brush nib and a bullet nib???” Bruh. I thought you said you looked at research? What the hell? So, I explain it all and give my personal opinion on which one I liked better and why. She continued to ask question, being such as, “How do you shade, like, a pale skin tone?”

Bitch. The fuck? With some pale ass markers? Nah, the most jet black marker you can find. I explained it anyway.

“Why are there green and blue markers in my set if it’s skintone?”

Boi. Cause they cool colors used for shading. How do you not understand that?

“So, how do you shade with markers???”

Bittttttttttttttch. I explain how to pick out color choices and the whatnot. I tell her that I usually start with my undertones and then my base color. Then I keep moving up to darker colors and purples/blues.

BRO SHE ARGUED WITH ME.

“Um, so you color in the whole area with your base??? I don’t think you do that! It’ll dry out and you can’t blend them together.”

I told her how they were alcohol based and could normally blend just fine with each other as long as you weren’t waiting like, days or something like that. A minute or two won’t kill it.

“No, I don’t think that’s right. How do you make it not streaky?”

Whatever, fine, fuck it, welcome to Burger King because have it your way I guess. I told her when it came to making sure the marker didn’t look streaky when putting it down was something that depended on how you held it personally and that the best way to learn it was mainly from practice. She seems bummed it’s not something that instantly happens but oh well. She told me she was gonna be coloring something she inked and asked how long she should wait for the ink to dry. I told her I never really had an issue with my ink pens smudging, so maybe a minute or so just to make sure? She waited 40 minutes. I told her that when she got started coloring it with the markers, that new markers are very saturated with ink and may bleed a little, so stay away from the lines some to give it some room just in case.

Now, remember I told her to lay down her main color first, completely, and to work it up? She told me she read/watched a tutorial (Oh hey, there’s the tutorials you said you watched a million of.) that said to do it in sections. I’m not opposed to that, but honestly, if you color a section completely, then try to start another section, is it not gonna look streaky and wrong considering the edges have had time to dry? Like, it’s gonna take you 30 minutes to an hour for that one section, IDK, isn’t that plenty of time for it to dry, like you feared it would???

Sure kid, just go for it. I’m talking to a wall here. Little while later she messaged me and was like:

“I fucked up.”

Sure enough, she did the whole section coloring thing and was right against the lines, so it bled everywhere and wasn’t blending right.

Nailed it.

Later on in the year, the next semester, I was taking a 3D class (making large sculptures out of cardboard) and a Digital class (Learning to use photoshop and all that.). She was in 3D with me. This semester really let me see how crazy this person was.

There is this Art and Literature novel/magazine thing my college did every year. You could enter up to 6 pieces in the art area. 3 for publishing, and 3 for the cover art. I still wasn’t very good at photoshop, so I just submitted 3 things for publishing. She entered too and so did a lot of my friends from the art group. There was an upperclassmen in our group who I’ll call K. K knew her way around Photoshop and the sorts, so she submitted for the cover art. By this point, I had already had one of the girls (sweetest person I know) admit to me that weeb was talking shit behind my back because I had mentioned that I didn’t find anime very original. She said I was bashing other artists styles to make myself look better and that I was stuck up, all that good stuff.

I wasn’t surprised considering I ha began to see through her and realize she was one of /those/ people. After I had begun to realize that (before Christmas break) I had been trying to talk to her less, considering she would also come into where I was working and not leave me alone for the whole day.

(Sidenote: I’m someone who very much prefers to be alone when I’m working. Honestly, I like to be alone by myself most of the time. There’s a few people I usually don’t mind sitting and being around me during these times. She wasn’t one. In 3D foundations class, it’s a very demanding class so you’d have to stay long hours after class to finish the project on time. I work fast, like I mentioned, and I would stay up until 3-4 in the morning anyway, just chilling in the art building. She’d constantly just invite herself over to where I was working to work too. Me working around her turned into, “Come over here and help me work instead of doing your project.” So, due to her constantly asking me to come over and help her, I didn’t finish as quick as I normally did. I had mentioned to her quite a few times that I prefer to work alone and not have anyone in the room. Again, went over her head. She took it as ‘I told you I like to be alone, but since I told you, you can stay because I totally don’t mean you.’. Especially you. One night, I’ve literally gotten 10 hours of sleep in the last 3-4 days. It’s 1 in the morning and I’ve done all I can to my project. Like, I can’t do anything else because I didn’t have what I needed. Considering I hadn’t been leaving until 4AM a lot of the times, hell yeah I was leaving and going to bed. So I start packing my stuff up and she noticed. “Wait!!! Are you leaving?!?”

Yeah.

“Don’t leave!!!!!! I get scared being in here alone!!!!”

She made me feel bad so I stayed.

Until fucking 3:30 in the morning. Again.

I mentioned multiple times how tired I was, how I hadn’t slept really. She just goes, “Wow, how are you alive??” Bitch I ain’t. I’m fucking dead and you’re the one who killed me.

She tried to pull this stunt again next week. I just looked at her and went, “You’ll be alright.” And left. I’m not your babysitter. Next morning, she started to try and guilt trip me.

“Yeah, I stayed about an hour after you left, but I started getting scared and cried, I had to leave.” I took a sip of my coffee and went, “Not my problem.” (Are you seeing where my fucks are going? That’s right, right out the window.) She kept trying to stay in the art building as long as I did after I mentioned that I usually stayed until 4AM, either working on something, or just watching videos since I didn’t want to bother my roommates. I could be over analyzing, but I feel like her mindset was, “If I stay in here as long as they do, I’ll be just as good.”

Nope, try again. It’s not the time you spend in the art building, it’s how you work to improve yourself.

Also, everyday in 3D, when I’d walk by I’d say hello, just to be nice. Never got one back, always, “Ugh, I’m going to kill myself.” Or “Kill me” because she would bitch and moan about how hard the project was. She’d always always whine and cry that her’s were bad (tru) and our teacher was going to fail her and no one would look at her sculpture, dumb shit basically. End sidenote.)

My first red flag that this person was /that/ type of person was when we completed our first 3D foundations project. One of her ‘friends’ (weeb talked shit about them, as you’ll see.) had made this really awesome, large scale 20 sided die, complete with each number carved out. It was super cool and everyone really liked it. Later that week, Weeb is talking to me and she’s like, “I’m mad that M is getting so much attention for their project! That was my idea first!”

She went on to explain that the 2 of them had brainstormed together and that was one of the ideas they had come up with. M had really liked the idea and asked if she wanted to do it, which Weeb told them no, they were considering a different thing. M went ahead and did it. Weeb got pissed????? What???? Where is your logic? You told them to go ahead.

That was my next red flag, they were ‘friends’ with someone only to shit talk about them and be mad that they were doing well. She’d constantly be complaining to me about how M always was showing off and didn’t deserve to be noticed like that. (Dudes I don’t even know.) I tended to ignore her because I liked M and enjoyed their stuff, and knew that Weeb was a jealous jerk. A few weeks later, Me and Weeb are in 3D. It’s about 2 and a half hours long, so we can take a break to go get food or whatever since it’s early in the morning. She notices I’m getting my lanyard and getting ready to go get some coffee and food. She wants to come with me and I can tell she’s being pouty about something. Now, I want to clarify something. This isn’t like, you noticed your friend seems a little sad and ask them what’s wrong, nope. She would always sigh and pout and drop cryptic messages like some 13 year olds DeviantArt journal. Sure enough, we head outside, it’s raining. All I have is a flannel with a hood. She’s got an umbrella. Never once asked if I wanted to share the umbrella. Whatever, I like rain. K comes running up to us, very excited and was like, “Guys!! I just got told I won the cover art area!” I was very happy for her, and told her congrats and such. Weeb literally doesn’t say jackshit and just glares. We keep walking after that and I try to start up a conversation. “I love the rain. It’s so nice.” Or something to that effect. Of course I get a pouty huff and a “I’m really upset about that.”  What? The rain???? What?

“That K won that. She’s not that good, like, I could do better! She didn’t deserve that.” Bitch, excuse the fuck me? By this time we’re in the Starbucks on campus. I’ve already decided I’m not dealing with this and just gave small, “Mhm. Yeah.” As answers as I ordered and let her bitch. I got my food and we sit down. She literally hasn’t stopped ranting. Then she drops this bombshell, not kidding.

“I know I shouldn’t be, but I get jealous when other artists are better than me.”

She just stared at me and I sat there 100% done with this bullshit, but I had set a goal for myself to try and be supportive and to help others, use my words, ya know? Rather than being like, “You fucking dipshit what the fuck-“ I just said, “Yeah, jealousy isn’t a good thing when it comes to art. It tends to hinder someones ability to improve, and artists shouldn’t compare themselves to others, rather you should go to them for inspiration and guidance.” Holy shit high five me, you said words that didn’t include, ‘Fuck you’ in them. ONCE AGAIN, SHE COMPLETE IGNORES MY ATTEMPT AT HELP. “Yeah, well, I just can’t help it.” Bitch, yes you fucking can, if you actually tried at it, but apparently you don’t try at anything. I decided to try a different approach.

“I use to be like that, and got jealous at artists that were better, but looking back, I saw absolutely no growth in my work from that time.”

#Read@10:34 and ignored of course. “But you’re good now!!” MOTHERFUCKER. Because I stopped being a jealous twat at the age of 11????? Jesus Christ. “Well, what did you submit for the cover art? Maybe I can help you.” This ho looks at me and goes:

“Oh, I didn’t enter anything.”

What. The actual. Fuck.

Done. Done, 100% done. Fuck this Shit I’m out. You literally can’t be this fucking dense. I just blocked everything out at that and went back to the class. Now I was really trying to avoid talking to this weeb.

During this time, I was also voted to be the president of the art group, while K was told she could be Vice President. Weeb literally bullied/harassed her out of the position by messaging her like, “I really wanted that position, are you sure I can’t do it?? You’re always too busy to come to meetings.”

On down the year, I had entered 3 pieces to be judged to be put into an art exhibit. She did too. I didn’t tell her I was doing it because I knew she’d get all mad about it. My 3 pieces got in, hers didn’t. She started to complain and whine immediately, trying to get me to compliment her stuff. “My stuff is never good enough I guess.” Tru. Moving on.

I had gotten pretty well distinguished in the art department. I had gotten a lot of awards and the teachers liked to talk to me. Around this time, M was told one of her photography pieces had been accepted into the Colleges Art and Literature book, and I was also told my work was also accepted. I didn’t mention it at first, since Weeb hadn’t gotten in. I knew she’d be pissed. Finally, I mentioned. She acted all proud and was like, “Oh, congrats!” I knew she didn’t mean it for a second. Another friend of mine (Not an art major, but drew in their spare time,) took an art class for fun. She had left a critique and noticed Weeb talking to M and someone else, telling them that I was ‘always trying to one up her’ and ‘leaving their sketchbook open for compliments.’ And ‘showing off.’ Keep in mind, I had no sketchbooks for these classes. Only a small one to sketch a quick layout for my 3D project, since we had to have a model. She wasn’t even in my other class. The other 2 classes from last semester was the drawing class (no sketchbook, just giant art pads.) and painting class, which she wasn’t in. So????????? My friend let me know.

I was officially done. I wasn’t dealing with this again, in college, from people who were suppose to be adults. Now, she had texted me on like, Wednesday at 11 PM asking if I was in the art building, which I was, but damn it leave me alone, so I didn’t reply. It was around finals week. I was done with my art finals (Making the piece, not presenting), so once again I was in the art building, watching videos. I’ve been on the group chat, basically quoting word from word what she had said and telling my friends how people like that are just horrible people. Everyone was agreeing and Weeb hadn’t answered. So I strolled my petty ass right on over, next door, to the 3D room (I was in painting) and Weeb and another girl (that was actually another friend.) was in there. I sat down by the other girl, E, and started telling her about this ‘person’ that said these things, and quoted what she had said.

Deadass Froze.

She still tried to talk and put in input like she totally didn’t say that. I headed back to the painting room until 4 AM rolled by and I started to head out. Now, I could have went left and to an elevator where she wouldn’t see me leave. But remember, she’s scared to be alone. So, I went right and in front of the 2 doors that were open to that room. I made sure she saw me leave and I heard this feeble, “Hey!!” Kept walking.

Got to my dorm and finally replied to the message she sent (It was like, Thrusday or Friday now.) I answered it with:

No, I left.

“I know, I saw you.”

Good, thought so.

“Hey, I read the group chat. I just wanted to say I’m sorry if I ever said anything like that. If I ever said anything like that and offended you, I’m sorry.”

I was pissed. You’re gonna try and deny it when I have 2 separate people telling me you’re talking shit? You’re just mad you got caught. So I didn’t reply until the next day, since me and a bunch of friends went out to eat to celebrate almost being done with the year. I replied back with,

“I’ve had 2 different sources come to me and let me know you were saying those things behind my back. I had to deal with that all through highschool, and frankly, I’m not dealing with it in college. Have a good summer.”

She never answered, but funny enough, she ran back to the 1st girl she that she bitched about me to and started trying to make me look like the bad person, saying she never said that stuff. Funny bro.

So next semester, I get to deal with kicking her out of the group, considering I’ll be president and I don’t stand for that kind of stuff. Wish me luck.

[didsomeonesayventus]

idk i try to keep things a-okay on here but i just really need to vent on like.

everything.

god fucking dammit don’t you just love working twice as hard as your superior only to make like, what, a few dollars an hour less? yeah, checking salary data online my assistant manager, the one that DID NOT impress the area manager or whatever the hell the boss of my boss is, is making like roughly 4$ more than me every hour to do half as good a job in.. anything. Did I fucking mention her boss saw me working with her and someone else and mentioned to the actual manager he was only impressed with me??? god she can’t even be bothered to refill coins or fucking count the safe properly but will spend all her time in the back and make everyone else take on a workload she should be taking on herself because we’re already short staffed here and still losing people but no she’s getting fucking paid more than me- who drives myself to panic attacks to try keep up with making sure things are actually moving along and that people get their food -to basically sit on her ass and become dead weight that ends with me leaving later than I should. Fuck she tells me I work too hard, move too fast, but bitch I bet it’s because you can’t get on my damn level you mid-life crisis piece of shit. You’re like. at least 40. You’ve been a teacher. Why can’t you do better than Panda Express Assistant Manager that you didn’t even actually earn from what I hear you just schmoozed to the manager at your last location and didn’t get actual training to be a manager of any sort.

I can’t figure out groceries, I don’t know how to cook nor do I have motivation to so whatever I do get ends up spoiling, so I’m wasting so much money of my already small paycheck  (30-36 hours a week on 10.50$ an hour, pay every other week with roughly 15% of that taken for taxes)  eating out and even then not giving myself any sort of proper nutrition. I don’t exercise enough either or keep up with showers and teeth brushing and laundry like a person should be so I’m fucking withering away in full out shrug emoji and getting fat and unhealthy and letting everything decay okay maybe im not that bad but I really don’t care.

I can’t afford to go back to college this semester because I’ve been paying rent to my parents (and that ridiculous 450$ a month is due to go up because they could be selling our house for more than they got it for but can’t because me and my older brother are still living here so COMPENSATION I GUESS) and paying for my car (repairs AND gas for a clunker old enough to drive itself and bare minimum insurance) and paying for food and maybe SOMETHING to live for and make me feel okay for just a moment that’s like. stupid cheap generally less than 10$ in terms of price and generally having trouble limiting myself to stricter budgeting so I can actually save up and GOD DAMN don’t get me started on how the college down the street is so fucking packed that I can’t really take any courses unless I signed up like, back in may and I still don’t even know WHY I’m going to college besides “has to” and I can’t bother to fill out FAFSA and like fuck anyone would give me a scholarship since I’m so firmly average and so many people need it more than me.

I still have to make at least 10 job applications or I’m getting 100$ added to my rent because I guess if I hate my job so much why aren’t I getting another when I have no college degree no marketable skills and have been stuck in fast food for two years and therefore have no experience in anything desireable and I don’t know myself enough to sell myself  gee I wonder why I don’t have a better job dad :)))))) I can’t even really say im bright and cheery because that is fading and fading fast because of this damn job where I have no support and constant stress.

I have so much shit in my life i need to fix up. I’m turning 21 this year, I’m getting all these messages about how I should be moved out and on my own and going to college for something I’m so incredibly passionate about and living that wonderful youth life and maybe backpack across the country or whatever.

I have no passions. Art is a distraction and a hobby and no one likes it enough to buy it for dirt cheap anyways (that lunafreya piece came out to about 21$ in my commission pricing and took me like. probably 3 or 4 hours???? which translates to 7$/hour at best and 5.25$/hour at worst???????????) I can’t even write on my rp blog, the last little bastion of any of my love for writing and I don’t fucking care enough about grammar and all that to bother with going for an english major and I don’t have any stories long enough to merit writing and publishing and what’s finished is fucking stupid and not going to get a second glance.

but guess what I keep falling back on doing all these stupid drawings and losing myself in characters and hiding all this pain behind them like that makes it okay but no everyone comes out so fucking OOC to me because I impose so much of my hurt and sadness onto them heck YMX isn’t even fucking YMX anymore I’ve latched onto him so hard to give myself some way of pitying myself without actually pitying myself. you guys can go ahead and say it I’ve fucking ruined him he’s not even an actual character anymore I’ve stripped away literally anything that merits him as a younger Xehanort. You can also say I’ve completely lost sight of who Ventus is as a character and just keep writing fucking 2006-era Roxas.

god i want help. i want help so bad but i don’t feel like i actually need it i just need to get over myself and get moving but i can’t i can barely get myself out of bed in the morning sometimes cuz I just wanna keep sleeping and fuck work and fuck doing anything give me a twelve fucking year coma please and let me wake up talented and pretty and loved and actually worth giving a damn about and if not strangle me on those stupid christmas lights I got last year in a silly attempt to be festive and later to try and give some sort of aesthetic to my kleptomaniac’s bedroom at least I’ll give my life a nice poetic send-out. 

I can’t even get help anyways my parents just likely spent a fortune on my sister in hospital visits and therapy appointments because she revealed she was suicidal earlier this year (which fucking wrecked me I knew she was a mess but not that bad) and she’s so much better now and I’m so happy she is and her dog is kinda stupid and needs more walks but Matilda at least makes her happy but we can’t go through that song and dance again with me. We cant have two mental health crises in this family in one year and I most definitely cant ask for help i’ll look like an attention-seeking brat. that’s probably what I am I’m the second eldest out of five and a girl who didn’t have a mom figure I could approach for most of my life and don’t know how to approach my dad or step mother. no one will see i need help just that im looking for attention. fuck man that’s not even getting into how I’ve been in therapy before and in hindsight it feels fucking wasted whoo boy can’t wait to waste money again.

im tired.

I’m just kinda here. 

I’m not even sure if I could call it surviving.

[mylovingbouquetearthquakewo-blog]

Cheap, affordable health insurance for a college student?

"Cheap, affordable health insurance for a college student?

Maybe I didn't explain my case clear enough: I only live with one parent who cannot afford to have me under his health insurance. It's not the fact of the matter he doesn't want me under his insurance, he can't afford to have me on there. He receives insurance through medicare/disability. I'm a whole another story.   Don't be a leech? Excuse me? Some people just simply can't afford things like this. I understand who you're trying to refer to. But don't you dare pass judgement on someone you DON'T know.

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://averageinsurancecosts.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

RELATED QUESTIONS: 

Instead of buying auto insurance is there a way to just have a savings account just for $coverages?

So all US states require all cars on the road to have insurance ... since insurance is just dollars put asside for release in the event of emergencies or other pre-determined event ... why cant I just put $100,000 into a bank account and call it my auto liability account and have my car insured with the state under my name providing that I don't touch those funds?""

How much did your car insurance go up after you claimed?

I had a single vehicle accident, my car may be beyond repair and I've no chance of getting my 1st yrs no claims now. How much did yours go up after you claimed?""

Whats a cheap major health insurance plan?

im paying way too much right now and need a cheaper plan

Any cheap car insurance in uk?

i have full uk licence and 2 years no claim bonus age 30 to 40 how can i buy the cheap car insurance.please

Car scratch - insurance rates?

How much would by insurance rate go up by if I caused a 750 dollar car scratch to another vehicle? My insurance rate monthly is at 62 dollars. I just want to know if that could double or be extremely drastic because i don't know if it would be better to just pay out of my own pocket. thx

How much would Insurance be for a Porsche 924 in Britain?

Hey guys, I am going to be turning 21 this August and hope to pick up a porsche 924 up. Do you know roughly how much this would cost me in terms of insurance costs? Thanks in advance! -R""

Who is the cheapest car insurance company for two cars?

One is a 1993 Ford Probe and the other is a 1994 Toyota Camry.

Can anybody recommend an affordable dental insurance provider in the UK?

All the dentists in Lincoln seem to just be privately run and I can't afford private dentistry and as a hard working tax payer I'm not entitled to free NHS care.

What is a good health insurance for J1 visa visiting scholars in USA ?

J-1 Exchange Visitors are required by U.S. Department of State to have health insurance for themselves and any accompanying dependents in J-2 status for the entire time that they are in the United States as exchange visitors. Minimum insurance coverage must provide: Medical benefits of at least $50,000 per person per year or accident Medical evacuation of the Exchange Visitor to his or her home country in the amount of $10,000 Repatriation of remains in the amount of $7,500 Deductible limited to $500 per accident or illness I am looking for a health insurance that meets these requirements and allows to include my family (spouse and 3 kids). I was considering United Healthcare StudentResources but they increased the premium in 40% from 2011/2012 to 2012/2013 (considering the whole family). The IMG (International Medical Group) has the Patriot Exchange Program that meets the J1 requirements and is much cheaper, for example. Could you please tell the community the plan you have, pros and cons, and any other useful information?""

""Help with car insurance, I'm a new driver..?""

I heard there was a type of cover that covers any driver that drives the car as long as they had the permission of the main owner, and I was wondering two things about this, 1. does anyone know what it's called/ which insurance companies offer this. & 2. do all the names of drivers that will be driving the car need to be listed? Cheers.""

""I wreck in my parent car, will my parents insurance cover the damage? Please Help?

Ok. Today my parent let me borrow their car so I can drive to school. On my way to school I had a car accident in the freeway. I accidently hit another car. The CHP arrive and got the report . The car I hit suffer minor damages to the rear bumper only got minor straches to it paint. The only problem is that I am not in my parent policy. Will my parents auto insurance cover the damage. Oh My parents car suffer some damage to to front of the car and it's fenders ? Please Help

Need clarification on liability insurance?

I drive my dads car which is in his name and insured in his name. I got a speeding ticket driving a different rental car. The rental car has since been returned. I'm now taking defensive driving and the court requires proof of liability insurance. Do I send them my dads insurance or contact the rental company or what? Please only respond if you're sure of your answer.

Help with finding individual health insurance?

I'm 16 and my parents do not speak English. My sister and I (16 and 18) have Child Health Plus and my mother has insurance through her job. My dad currently has no health insurance because he could no longer afford to pay over $250 a month for insurance. He has diabetes and is having trouble controlling his blood sugar. How do I find an affordable insurance company? They said we can't have family health plus since we make a little over $3,000 a month but half goes to rent. What should I do? What is Healthy NY? Any advice??? thank you""

Uninsured parked car got hit. Am i covered by their insurance? MASSACHUSETTS?

My car has been parked outside of my house due to no insurance. BUT it is still registered... In the state of MA it is illegal to not have insurance, especially on a car that I have a loan on. The accident was a hit and run, but the police found him and got all his information and he said his insurance will take care of it and he is taking full blame. I am wondering since i DO NOT have insurance, will i still be able to receive payment from his insurance company to fix my car?""

""Free medical care-for adults-in Tampa,Florida?

can people with health problems who has no insurance get free medical care.

Car insurance question?

My step dad bought me a car in june '08.He was going through a divorce with my mom and he told me that he would pay my car insurance for the first 6 months. after i got the car he didnt really talk to me much anymore and i didnt see him at all. after 6 months passed in around december i didnt get anything in the mail to my house (he lived at another hosue not wth me anymore) about ym insurance so i assumed he was still paying for it. i had never gotten pulled over or in an accident since i got the car. in february of this yr someone smashed into my cars front hood and the bumper is smashed as well as the girll and headlights, they hit me and then ran so i got no information. when i got into the accident i called the insurance place witch i had no idea which i had i got the info from the papers in my glove compartment and they told me since i got the car in june no insurance had been ever paid. my car was not registered. no basically for 8 months i was driving around an uninsured car. i still havent done nething about it bc im scared idk what is gonna happen. i havent fixed my crash car or drove it . how much money am i gonna ghave to pay to get insurance again. he basically lied to me and he refuses to talk to me about it.""

Health Insurance for expecting baby?

Where can I get free / low cost health insurance for my expecting baby? In louisville, Ky ???? Please help!!!""

How much approx. to insure 1100cc for 7 days?

Any help on this question will be appreciated. I'm only looking for an approximation as I've no idea what the general insurance rates are for short term car insurance. Insurance would only need be 3rd part fire and theft. Would it cost me 10, 50 a 100 pounds, I've no idea. Again any help appreciated. Thanks.""

How insurance affects life of people?

i need it for my project so plz give me brief inforamtion

Insurance companies that insure cars in the car pound?

Does anyone know of any car insurance companies that insure cars in the car pound? The cheaper the better.

Re. Car insurance?

Anyone work in insurance buisness? I have 2 cars, my mobilty car and a smaller car. I origionally bought it for my wife as she doesnt like driving my mobility car as its too big. I was advised by insurers to keep car in my name, Using my insurance in my name with my wife as a named driver and my 18 year old son who as of yet cannot afford a car as he is attending college and only gets 30 a week EMA if he attends. My wife and I want to give him the car as a joint 18th and christmas present. Now I am stuck if I hand ownership to him and he is pressured into taking out his own policy, my insurance that I have built up over nearly 35 years will possibly be voided and if I need to insure another car in next 3 years after my mobility car is handed back, I may loose my max NCD. Can I legally keep car in my name also my insurance and make him a named main driver, my wife as second and me as third. I have life threatening illnesses and want to give my kids their own cars. cont'd""

""I wrecked my new car , insurance is liability?

i wrecked my car . my car was new 2009 car and my insurance was liabilty. police decided that was my fault. And also i am still paying monthly payment on that car. Does anybody know what should i do next . i been using that car to work now i am unemployee . should i just bankrufcy

Car insurance and reliability?

what would be cheaper on insurance and what vehicle would be a better investment, because I want to keep the next vehicle I get for a LONG time . . . dodge challenger srt8 or a toyota tacoma with a TRD sport package""

Where can I get affordable health insurance in New York State?

I need health insurance hopefully that also includes dental. I make to much for state run plans and don't have enough for private plans they want as much as $1,000 and there is no way I can afford that. But I can't afford not having any either. Can anyone point me in the right direction?""

How do I go about finding people who are interested in getting auto insurance?

I am a sales producer for an auto company who everyone who doesn't live under a rock has heard of. I am wondering how you would want to be approached in a daily setting that would make you think about auto insurance or want to get a quote from me, and what about that quote would be the selling point is price wasn't an issue?""

Cheap, affordable health insurance for a college student?

Maybe I didn't explain my case clear enough: I only live with one parent who cannot afford to have me under his health insurance. It's not the fact of the matter he doesn't want me under his insurance, he can't afford to have me on there. He receives insurance through medicare/disability. I'm a whole another story.   Don't be a leech? Excuse me? Some people just simply can't afford things like this. I understand who you're trying to refer to. But don't you dare pass judgement on someone you DON'T know.

Car insurance uk?

i have car insurance with one car i have full no claims discount,i now am thinking of running another car in my name so i got a quote for this car from my insurance company,.they said as the second car i want to insure i have none no claims discount i have to start again and earn it,.So if i get a quote from a different car insurance company,will these conditions still apply to me.""

Car insurance at 20 on average?

How much would car insurance be for me if i only have my licence for 2 months before i get a car and i am 20 years old?. The car would be minimum a 1.2 litre and maximum a 1.6 litre so what would a 1.2 litre, 1.4 litre and 1.6 litre cost me on average?.""

Do you think this is a good price for auto insurance?

Is $201.12 a month for full coverage from State Farm a good deal? Progressive quoted me for $285 a month and it doesnt even include UM and the liability is at 10/20/25. State farm would cover me 25/50/25, auto death indemnity, UM, and more. I am a 22 year old female and i just got my license in Feb 07, and i live in Miami. This is for a 2003 Honda Civic LX 2dr coupe (paid in full). This is my first car. I was just wondering, if this is a good price compared to other people my age with similar coverage. I know my friend is paying $300 a month for his and hes 24.""

""Driver's license address, insurance address, etc. etc. discrepancies?""

Hi guys. Well, to start out with I have my driver's license address set to my uncle's house in pembroke pines, FL, but I live here in Hialeah Gardens, FL. Why do I have it set to my uncle's house you ask? Well, back when I was 18 (i'm 20 now) my mom persuaded me to set my insurance address (progressive) to my uncle's house so it would be cheaper. It's cheaper by like $100. Now, I'm scared I can be legally held liable or whatever if I get in a crash or whatever the case. I mean, I'm sure there has to be some type of deterrent or punishment so people don't do this kind of stuff like me. Another thing I'm worried about is when cops stop me. Since those two years I have only been stopped three times for minor infractions that did not go punished. Another thing is when I have to apply at jobs. Usually employers don't really care that on the application it says pembroke pines as long as I let them know I actually live close to them in hialeah gardens. I recently applied for my security officer D license and the problem is that in some companies I have to put the address that it says on my license like in any other job but, the problem is that they locate your post depending on were you live. If anyone can shoot me any information it would be more than appreciated, thanks!""

Which insurance is better?

Which insurance is better health or life?

How much would it cost to insure a Vw golf 1.6 - 2.0 litres for a 17 year old ? Thanks :)?

I was just wondeing because i want a Golf for my 1st car and i dont know the insurance rates etc....

What would be a good and cheap car insurance here in TX?

What would be a good and cheap car insurance here in TX?

I live in new york city can anybody tell me who has the cheapest car insurance in the city?

I live in new york city can anybody tell me who has the cheapest car insurance in the city?

How do you find the cheapest car insurance?

I'm almost 20 been driving since I was 16. No accidents, no tickets. I've been on my grandparents insurance but now it's time I get my own. How do I go about finding the cheapest car insurance?""

Maternity insurance in ohio?

can someone share some information, i live in Marblehead, Ohio, i am looking for insurance with maternity raider. Or if there any other information about any other way to save some money here in ohio other then buying the insurance. (we are not eligible for medicare and she is not pregnant yet).""

How does one go about getting insurance?

ok I know there is some different insurance types out there like health car etc etc but i want to know how do you go about getting it! see I'm 15 years old I know i shouldn't worry about this now but it just seems like a good idea to ask the question now this one lil question has plenty of other questions with it how many different insurances do you need to have? what should you look for in Insurance? how much is insurance? what is an insurance rate? and the title of this question how does one go about getting it? on that last one I really need a detailed answer because I am 15 I just got back in school so my brain is a bit mushy and not so quick XD and way like I said I'd really like a detailed answer on that last one heck if ya role play it out with your self for me then that would even make it easier so the more questions you answer in this (with a good answer mind you) the more likely I am to choose you as the best answer!

Cancelling Car Insurance?

Is it possible to cancel a car insurance policy within the first month (UK). My friend has written their car off within days of taking out an insurance policy (third party!). Bad luck or what? Can they cancel the car ins or do they have to pay all year?

Which auto insurance is cheapest in new orleans?

Which auto insurance is cheapest in new orleans?

Can we get cheap car insurance in the UK as Australians?

My partner and I are moving to the UK in March and had intended to buy a car. Just an Astra or something for under 1000. However, when I put our details into insurance websites it tells us we will have to pay upwards of 2000 for 3rd party insurance. I realise this is because we have not been residents or have held UK licences but is there any way to get something cheaper? This seriously hinders our plans, we can't afford that amount of money but were really hoping to have a car. Can any one give us any advice? I have put in that we have a UK licence (as we would be prepared to get upon arrival and would have to any way after 12 months) but this does little to change the quotes.""

Whats the cheapest insurance company?

parents wont get me a car cause the insurance is to much. i will be the only driver on the car. any suggestions?

""Auto Insurance, Please Help!?""

What are good coverage amounts for Bodily Injury, Property Damage, Medical Payments, Uninsured Motorist and Under-insured Motorist for auto insurance? I just want to make sure i have enough coverage for my insurance.""

Why do we have to have car insurance in the UK?

Why cant you chose whether you have insurance or not?

What is the toll free phone number for Travelers Insurance?

I am looking for a toll free phone number with Travelers Insurance that is dedicated to new customer quotes not existing customer service.

What does 10-20-10 mean on auto. ins.?

What does 10-20-10 mean on auto. ins.?

I just got notice my insurance premiums jumped so I high I cannot pay them.?

I just got notice at work this morning that my insurance is going from 79.00 every two weeks to 179.00 and with my family which I have on my insurance went from 345.00 to 750.00 every weeks. I cannot afford this! I have no idea what to do. I only make 1700.00 a month. What can I do?

""Accidents, car seats and insurance?""

My son's father had an accident tonight. I realize the car seat now needs replaced. Does insurance pay for this? Do they send a check or reimburse? Do insurance companies balk at paying for new car seats in accidents that weren't 'that bad'? He hit a deer but did not total the car, but had some damage to the fender and was unable to drive the car away from the accident.""

""I'm 17, I want a vauxhall corsa sxi or a fiat 500 abrath, how much will each of these cost on insurance?""

I'm 17, I want a vauxhall corsa sxi or a fiat 500 abrath, how much will each of these cost on insurance?""

Classic car insurance for 17 year olds?

currently looking for cheap car insurance for escort xr3i. Because of my age this is almost impossible but I was wondering if it is posible to be a named driver for classic car insurance on a parents policy. most classic insurers say drivers must be over 25. is there anywhere I could do this ?

In BC should the owner pay the insurance for the renter?

i rent a appartment and then the owner said i should pay the insurance i thought it is owner's responsibility to pay all these

""Where can a 17 year old teenager find the cheapest, most affordable car insurance in North Carolina?""

I'm 17 years old. I have a 1995 Toyota Camry and I'm currently looking for affordable car insurance since my parents told me that I'm responsible for finding/paying my car insurance. I am a senior in high school and work part time, making around $160-$280 every paycheck (EVERY TWO WEEKS). I really need help!!!!! Thanks for listening!""

Cheap, affordable health insurance for a college student?

Maybe I didn't explain my case clear enough: I only live with one parent who cannot afford to have me under his health insurance. It's not the fact of the matter he doesn't want me under his insurance, he can't afford to have me on there. He receives insurance through medicare/disability. I'm a whole another story.   Don't be a leech? Excuse me? Some people just simply can't afford things like this. I understand who you're trying to refer to. But don't you dare pass judgement on someone you DON'T know.

Could someone explain health insurance deductibles?

What is a deductible? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Do you want a low deductible or a high deductible? I ask because while trying to find some affordable health insurance, one company said it was $45 a month with $0 deductible. What does this mean?""

Who has best affordable health insurance?

Looking for health and dental insurance for 1 + spouse in Texas.

Can AAA raise my Homeowners insurance rate by $300 for the next 3 years?

My property was stolen from the backseat of my car. AAA is saying if they pay out more than $750 (including my co-pay) then my Homeowners insurance will be raised by $300 for the next 3 years and it will be a point on my property. Is this right/legal??

Flipping Cars - Insurance?

A few friends and I are looking into flipping cars while we're in college to make a little extra money. I'm not sure where to turn as far as insurance goes. We're not driving the vehicles ourselves - just parking them until they sell. What kind of coverage would we need and where can we find the best rates for our situation? We would only drive it from the auction house and with potential buyers on test drives. Thanks for the help!

Why is there a huge difference in insurance quotes if all info is the same?

I'm shopping around for insurance quotes because I thought my car insurance was too high. Progressive gave me a very low quote, which I was happy about. It was what I thought I should be paying compared to friends I've talked with. All the other quotes from the other insurance companies were in the same price range and very high. I began to worry that Progressive had some incorrect info, so I called them back, we went over all the info again, and everything is right. They even emailed my quote to me and it's all correct. Should I be worried that the quote is so low or is Progressive just being competetive?""

All young adults pay attention...what's the cheapest yet best car insurance you have found?

I'm 19, dad wants me to buy my own car get my own insurance etc. Any pointers?""

Will someone elses tickets effect MY car insurance?

recently my friend got two tickets in my car. We went through a police stop and he wasn't wearing a seatbelt in the frontseat of my car while i was driving and got a $37 ticket. I also let him drive my car because it was past my driving curfew since i'm under 18 and it was 2am. He got us pulled over for speeding and got a $294 ticket. no one else can drive my car on my insurance plan so what does that mean for me?

What is voluntary access on car insurance?

i saw it on the go compare web site but i dont know what it is as im a 1st time driver

What car insurance company is offering me a better deal?

I'm 21 years old, and I'm thinking of upgrading my 2005 Chevy cavalier to full coverage. United auto insurance wants $186 down and $147 monthly for 6 months. My current company wants $262 down and $131 a month, for 9 months. Which company is the better deal? Should I even get full coverage for a 2005 cavalier?""

Whats the insurance of a maserati granturismo?

i wanna buy a maserati granturismo, what would the insurance be ?""

""Alaska is the worst state for women, does anyone care what the worst state for men is?""

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/is-alaska-the-worst-state-in-the-nation-for-women--202627073.html As for crime and imprisonment, the number of women going to prison in Alaska is growing: In 2007, women made up 6.5 percent of Alaskas prison population, but that number had jumped to nearly 11 percent in 2011. Alaskan women are slightly more likely to have health coverage than Alaskan men, but the coverage for Alaskan women is still below the national average, with 21 percent going without (compared to the national rate of 20). -So that means the male prison population in 2007 was at 94.5% and it went down to 89% in 2011. We can't have that! All we care about is the female prison population growing and how we have to stop it. We need more males in prison to get us back to 94.5 percent. And while more Alaskan women have health insurance than Alaskan men, they're just below the national average with 21% of women going without insurance. Who cares that more Alaskan women have health insurance than Alaskan men? We're only concerned about women here, and we have to lower the number of women who go without health insurance. forget about the men. And women in Alaska, make only 67 cents for every dollar a man makes. -Not too surprising since Alaska is mostly an industrial state with lots of mining, logging, fishing and other male dominated industrial jobs that women typically shy away from. As far as homelessness is concerned, only 25 percent of single people in shelters were female in 2012but, for adults in shelters considered part of a family, 62 percent were women with children. -Who cares that 75% of single people in shelter were men in 2012! The suicide rate among Alaskan women is rising. -I'm sure the suicide rate among Alaskan men is even higher, but again we don't care about the men. So why the raw deal for women in this state? It may have something to do with the ratio of men to women there, which was noted in the state report as being higher in Alaska than in any other state, with 108.5 males to every 100 females. Nationally, there are 96.7 men to every 100 women. -So because there are more men than women in Alaska, that's why women are suffering!?!""

What kind of car insurance do I need if I want to be the main driver of my parent's car away from home?

My parents own a car that they're letting me use for school. I live in southern California, but I attend school in Northern California. I'll be bringing the car up for normal use during the school year, and it will be garaged there except during summer. Do I need to buy my own car insurance, or will it work out if I just get added to my parent's insurance?""

Got myself a little old ford fiesta 1100 i am over 25 learner driver which is the cheapest insurance firm.?

Got myself a little old ford fiesta 1100 i am over 25 learner driver which is the cheapest insurance firm.?

Collision claim - will your insurance go up?

I hit a pole the other day with the side of my truck. There were no other cars involved and there are just a few scratches and one big dent. If my insurance company (Allstate) pays to fix it under my collision coverage will my rates go up? I know I have to pay the deductable - just wondering if my monthly payments will be higher.

Car insurance spouse dui?

how can i get affordable car insurance after my spouse has DUI ? What if he choses to never get a license again? Do I have to kick him out so I can afford car insurance? I have a great driving record. HELP !!!!!!

Dented vehicle? How much more is no deductible auto insurance?

some time ago I dented my car as a result of backing into a pole and I have never gotten it fixed because I cant afford the deductible and I have been with the same insurance company since that time so is it ok to just change to a no deductible insurance policy and than maybe report it and have it fixed-I'm not trying to be dishonest-Im sure I would be just paying the difference for having no deductable monthly. Also, is there even a time limit to report an accident? I dont even know the exact date, but I was with the same insurance company""

Sites of the insurance quotes reliable?

http://www.education-house.com/insurance/index.html

Temporary car insurance for foreign visitor?

A friend from Europe is visiting me for 2 weeks, and I'd like to lend him my car for some of the time. Obviously he is not covered through my insurance policy and I don't want to add him to it. Can he purchase coverage for himself just for this limited time? If so, where?""

How much would the car insurance for a Cadillac Escalade 2011 be?

The car is for an 18 year old and two other adults are included in the insurance plan for State Farm.

Good morning! Can anyone suggest a good dental insurance plan?

We had blue cross and blue shield and were not happy with it! We live in a semi small area and the only dentist office that accepted our plan never called us back after 15 voice mails and NEVEr answered their phones so we never were able to make an appointment! So I cancelled the policy. We need some dental insurance. I need to take my son in to get his teeth looked at and my husbands. We live in FL and there just doesn't seem to be a lot that I'm finding. Anyone have a suggestion?

How do i apply for medical insurance?

I live in santa ana orange county california. im 21 work part time and independent. what will i need?

How much will my insurance give for my totaled car?

I was in a minor accident (Alone) now my insurance wants to total my car due to a previous accident that wasn't repaired correctly that happened before I purchased the car. How will my insurance decide to pay me? Bought for 8500 and owe 6500.

""Cheap sports car, and to insure and run ?""

does anyone know a sports car in the uk thats cheap, maximum 1000 pounds, cheap to insure and fuel consumption is good ? thanks""

Best Insurance Price I Could Get?

I'm looking at buying my first own car in the next few months/year. I'm currently 17 but will be 18 soon, straight-A student, looking at a 1999 Toyota 4Runner Limited 4WD. Progressive quoted me $147, which seems ludicrous to me (they'll have the value of my car in less than four years!), but I know I'm young - and young drivers get in a lot of wrecks. I'd just like to know what you all think is the best affordable insurance company that still offers pretty good coverage, and if there's anything I can do to further lower my price besides good student and safe driver discounts.""

Cheap V8 cars to insure?

i need a V8 powered car, must have at least 200 horsepower for college. the speed limit is 30 mph and everyone goes 50-60 mph and there are no cops ever catching speeders and people ...show more""

Cheap, affordable health insurance for a college student?

Maybe I didn't explain my case clear enough: I only live with one parent who cannot afford to have me under his health insurance. It's not the fact of the matter he doesn't want me under his insurance, he can't afford to have me on there. He receives insurance through medicare/disability. I'm a whole another story.   Don't be a leech? Excuse me? Some people just simply can't afford things like this. I understand who you're trying to refer to. But don't you dare pass judgement on someone you DON'T know.

I am a resident of California and a permit driver. Do i need to be insured or my parents' insurance will cover

me? will their insurance cover me in case of an accident or not? simply, while a permit bearer, do i still need to have an insurance?""

What would be the best choice for health and dental insurance?

I' am 22 year old college student in california and don't have insurance. i was wondering if anyone can help me with choosing a provider. i don't really know how health insurance works. but i would like to get something decent thats not to expensive or to cheap, i do want good coverage just in case. thank you""

Which motorcycle will cost me less on insurance? 2004-5 600/1000cc crotch rocket motorcylce or 2008 Ninja 250R

No motorcycle experience at all. No driving record. 21/M/Florida. Never held a driver's/motorcycle license in the US. Am about to take the MSF course though.

Does speeding tickets raise your insurance?

I've gotten 2 speeding tickets this month so I'm worried. Does this raise your insurance rates?

Is it true that red cars cost more to insure?

I live in Oregon if that makes a difference.

What will happen if I don't sign up for covered california health insurance?

I live in ca, I don't have healthcare and I am eligible for covered ca health insurance. What will happen if I don't sign up for it? Do I have too? Will I get in trouble if I don't?""

Finding the cheapest Medicare Supplemental Insurance?

I'm looking for a good resource to find Medicare Supplemental Insurance, including quotes. Can anyone help?""

What is the cheapest liability car insurance in the US?

What is the cheapest liability car insurance in the US?

My Insurance auto accident settlement?

I was recently in a car accident where a Nissan truck ran into the back of another car that then ran into the back of me causing $2000 worth of damage to the rear of my infiniti. I received moderate whiplash to my neck and had to be taken to the hospital. I checked out without any broken bones and was prescribed medication. I went to see a chiropractor and he has been working on my neck for a couple days which makes it feel a better. Im 100% not at fault and the insurance company has taken care of my car repair, rental, and medical bills. They ask me How much do I think I want for this accident for pain and suffering. I believe I am entitled to at least $3500-5000 for my suffering I live in NC. I believe $5000 is a reasonable consider the circumstances. I could have lost my life, broke my neck and been paralyzed for life. Thank the lord that I received only a whiplash. The stress that I am undergoing, the constant pain in my neck is a reminder of the accident, which I feel fearful of driving. The time I spent recovering could have been spent enjoying my life. Besides getting behind in my school work, I am absent from my student organization at school which I am a key figure ( president AGC). I don't enjoy waking up with cramps and headaches nor do I like to take prescription pills, and therapy. I don't want to be compensation a insufficient amount that wont even cover pain and suffering I went though. It seems like you people are on the side of the insurance company and not the victims in this situation. I wonder if any of you have ever been in an automobile accident and if you have must share some sort of empathy of what I am reiterating.""

How much would it cost to insure an automatic Ford Fiesta Zetec for 17 year old new driver?

Want to buy this car when i pass and want to get an idea of how much the insurance would cost in England? Thanksss :)

Very Cheap Car Insurance?

Hello, I need the cheapest insurance.I am from NY, please help.""

How much is insurance on 2003 lexus IS300?

wondering how much i might be paying a month if im getting a more expensive car..?

Classic car insurance for 17 year olds?

currently looking for cheap car insurance for escort xr3i. Because of my age this is almost impossible but I was wondering if it is posible to be a named driver for classic car insurance on a parents policy. most classic insurers say drivers must be over 25. is there anywhere I could do this ?

If you drive with no license or insurance are you automatically at fault?

A friend of my got into a car accident, his car was totaled and at the time he had a suspended licenese and no car insurance. Although the police report shows that he was not at fault the insurance company of the other party is now persuing him for $14,000 in damages. Unfortunatly he is having economic hardships and cannot make the payment they are requesting. They are clearly making threats to suspend his license if he doesnt pay $250 a month. Because he had no insurance or license is he automatically at fault? Is there anything he can do? Does anyone have any info on a good lawyer? Any Information would be helpful. Thank you :-)""

Are car insurance rates adjusted by occupation now?

I just got done reading this article on car insurance and occupation at http://www.consumerbadcreditguide.com/carinsurance.html What do you think about this?

""Has anyone ever heard of the following insurance companies: Safe Co., Travelers, and Hartford?

Are they good/reputable companies?

Is medical payments coverage needed in auto insurance?

How important is medical payments coverage auto insurance coverage. I currently have at as $10,000 coverage. Is this over kill? I have health insurance (HSA) that has a $5000 deductible per year, after that it's covered 100%. thx""

Life insurance through disability until age of 65. Now they say there is no policy for me.?

In 2003, I received an award letter of life insurance until the age of 65. I called the company recently to see about it and they said another company had taken over-I called them and they said I was not in the system and said to call a 3rd company which may have taken over my policy. I called them and they said, No-I have no life insurance policy. Where and who can I get in touch with regarding the policy I was awarded and it seems to have disappeared.""

Do insurance company has a right to insure people even though costumer does not finalized the paper work?

We had shopped around for home insurance, we made a quote and compared the best company, and we purchase the policy to one of them. After a year, we received a call from collection agency saying that we owe some money for one of the insurance company that we did not chose. And when I called that company, they said that if I can show them, if I am insured and covered that particular period, then they will remove that bills. I think this is ridiculous, why such a company like this have a right to insure me, bill me and send that bill to collector? Without even notifying me first.""

""Insurance for a 16 year old male, owning my own car, please help(ontario)?""

Im 16, male, in ontario, single, no other drivers in my family. I plan to own my own car, i know alot of you will say; depends on model or year of the car idk the answer to that because i dont have the car yet... but i do know it will be between the years 2001 and 2004 roughly, it will probably end up being a chevy, toyota, honda (just the average company) can anyone please give me a rough estimate what i will have to pay either per year or month doesnt matter thanks :)""

I live in Massachusetts where auto insurance can't compete my question is....?

What is the benefits of competing rates? Well duh, you say because you may get cheaper rates somewhere else but I need proof. Right now I have a '95 Ford Escort, I have basic insurance, I'm a step 12, and I pay about $140 a month...what is better than that? Please name the state you live in.""

How much would car insurance be monthly?

i turned 16 yesterday and will be getting my license and car in october. im applying for jobs tomorrow and im trying to see how much car insurance will be monthly. my car will be used, probably like a toyota corolla or something similar. i get a's and b's, what should i expect my car insurance to be monthly?""

How much would it cost to insure my motorcycle?

I plan on buying a Suzuki dr-z400s and I'd like to know what some people are paying for their insurance. Or maybe just what I would be paying. I'm 16 years old, Male, and I have a clean record. I'm not sure what kind of insurance I would get but probably just liability. Thanks!""

Low cost health care for an adult in California?

Could you tell me what kind of resources are available for a single male who makes $1,800 a month and needs affordable low cost health care coverage in California? What does the state offer if anything?""

Car Insurance question?

I am 16 and in need of car insurance. I have a A-B average, and have a clean criminial and driving record. I am driving a 1993 saturn SL (4 door sedan) what would be the best insurance agency to go with? Thanks""

Cheap, affordable health insurance for a college student?

Maybe I didn't explain my case clear enough: I only live with one parent who cannot afford to have me under his health insurance. It's not the fact of the matter he doesn't want me under his insurance, he can't afford to have me on there. He receives insurance through medicare/disability. I'm a whole another story.   Don't be a leech? Excuse me? Some people just simply can't afford things like this. I understand who you're trying to refer to. But don't you dare pass judgement on someone you DON'T know.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/mountain-lake-minnesota-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-eva-king/"

[ch-llaxing]

IDK Anymore :/

It’s very strange how we started talking.

We first met when we were just associates at JCPenney. We were closing one day and I was just messing around with Ant. You told me to help you fold lmao. Like what. I don’t help other departments. You told a manager and they didn’t care because that’s what I do, but whateverrr ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . We hated each other because of that. Like who tells a manager because I wasn’t helping. LOL. I don’t know why, but I asked you if you needed a ride home one night (I’m glad I did though). We got some dunkin donuts hot chocolate. 

I next asked you to go to the movies, but there wasn't anything good out so you chose. It was goosebumps. IT TOOK ME FOREVER to finally put my arm around you. I mean I haven’t done that in a while so I was scared out of my mind. When I drove you home I really wanted to kiss you but I was shy AFFFFFF. So you ended up kissing me. GOT ME  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. We started to hang out after that and we were happy. I went to the Philippines that Christmas break and you were home and we were still messaging each other. 

Times passed and January 26th I asked you to be my girlfriend. I was so glad when you said yes. Things were going smooth for us. At work we kept it professional and people didn’t know we were dating until a couple workers said something or when I left. I was jealous that you got promoted and I didn’t. but it is what it is. 

THIS IS WHERE I FUCKED UP THE FIRST TIME.

This co-worker started to text me and I started to text her back. Well that was nothing of it, but then you started to get jealous. She was cute, but I wasn’t trying to get with her. She did live down the block from me so we ended up going home with her after closing, if we did close. I should’ve stopped talking to her when you told me to, but I decided to not to listen. I messed up big time there. One night I went out with my friends to TGIF and asked if she needed a ride home. I should’ve told you that I was giving her a ride home. Idk how you found out but you did. And I honestly didn’t think you would mind that. :/ Thats the first fucked up that I did and I’m sorry for that. I thought you got over it, but you kept making small comments and stuff later in the relationship. I was just so tired of how you kept bringing it up and I know I messed up. I shouldn’t have yelled at you for that. 

FUCK UP NUMBER TWOOOOOO

When I started my new job, you told me that I was gonna start talking to all these girls because you aren’t there and that I’m sneaky. There were three girls with the same name. A, B, and C. A and B were pretty cool and chill. C was annoying af and I always complained about her because of how dumb she was. Since A worked stock with me I was always on her snapchat. You found out and got mad. I honestly thought it was nothing because we were just coworkers and she had a boyfriend. “But that doesn’t stop you”. Whatever. So I told her to stop putting me on her snapchat because you were getting mad and she did. B started to snapchat me and when we started to have a streak. I had to end it and I explained to B why. I didn’t explain to you why I could explain to B and not you. Idk I thought it was nothing. :/ I kept messing up and you kept taking me back. You started to cry because you kept telling me over and over that it was the last time. I got mad and dropped you off at the corner by your house and left. I shouldn’t have done that and I’m super sorry for that. That wasn’t right of me to do that.

Maybe, I am dumb and I shouldn’t be in a relationship because of how childish I am. Maybe this wasn’t meant to be. I honestly forgot how I broke up with you, but all I know that I was at work and was so mad. I just let it all out on you and just ended the relationship. I shouldn’t have done that, but I really wish I didn’t I wish i could’ve done something to fix it. OKAY TO CLARIFY. EVERYTHING I SAY ON TWITTER IS IDIOTIC AND DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. 

You had one of your friends talk my Twitter and report everything I was saying/doing. You always knew what I was doing, before I even knew what I was doing. We weren’t talking and I was so sad during those times. I really contemplating of suicide. I even yelled at one of my friend because she thought about doing that after ending her relationship. I’m really glad I didn’t do it..... I think.

Time passed by, you looked like you had a lit 21st birthday. I was jealous that I wasn’t there to celebrate it with you. I feel like you were doing all that to just show off on me. I was low key depressed on that.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

For my 22nd birthday I’m really glad that I invited you out with us to go paint balling. Even though you got rekt by almost everyone, you were still there tryna fight LMAO. 

I feel like i’m missing a lot of parts. 

When school started we were together-ish? We were always there for each other but wasn’t dating. The reason why I didn’t do your math homework was because of the same reason I’ve been telling you all along. If you don’t do it yourself you’re not going to understand it. Math, practicing it makes you better at it. If someone else does your work you’re not going to do well later. I felt like things were going somewhat well for us, but was it really? You were saying no and I was being complicated. I really wanted us to be together maybe because we were so used to each other that we couldn’t stop it?

I started to come less and less over because I would just end up being your back scratcher and when you fall asleep I go home late. It started to get boring after a while. We don’t go out to eat because of how picky you are. I kinda guess that’s a good thing because we don’t spend money. But I’m always broke because of buying dumb shit.

Maybe you wanted more out of me? But I don’t think I had more to give. I really don’t know how you kept me. I feel that I’m missing more to this story and I’m not writing it? Idk what I’m missing. I feel like I’m missing a third way that I fucked up, but I really can’t think of it.

The past two months you been going out with your friends and I feel that we started to drift apart of there. Maybe because you’re having fun and don’t have to worry about me anymore. Maybe you finally figured it out that you don’t need me.

Maybe you’re right that I needed you and you didn’t need me. Maybe I wanted you so bad that you felt obligated to stay with me. Maybe I was holding you back to everything. I really like your family and I’m so grateful that they accepted me. I don’t know if this is going to continue or not.

After sending this message to you, I don’t know anything. Maybe breaking up for good is a thing we need to go. I tried to get back together, but it wasn’t enough. I don’t know what more i can do. I tried and i guess it wasn’t trying hard enough. I’ve said this multiple times that I’m sorry for everything and I’m sorry for putting you through hardships and headaches. I really want us to be together, but Idk whats holding me. Maybe letting you walk away would be the best for us. I don’t I’m gonna be able to talk to you. You were my everything these last couple years. I’m really grateful that I met you.  Maybe soon we’ll see each other......?  

I think I could’ve wrote more, but I’m tryna go to the gym right now LOL. 

[dandelliongirl]

Suddenly

it’s almost December.

The last time I wrote in here November had just started. Where do these weeks go.

A lot has been happening in the past 3 or so weeks. I’ve had a lot of meetings and work stuff to attend to, I’ve been studying for the JLPT like crazy and our ballet group finished the choreo for our Christmas recital. I’ve also been watching a lot of streams and eating my weight in chocolate to try and survive. I dug up some Christmas music and I’ve been struggling to get my thesis work finished for this year so that I can hand it in for feedback. My friend an I have done 4 whole JLPT practice exams and I’ve passed like 3/4 of them. Not with great results but at least there is a slight possibility of passing if the real deal isn’t a lot harder than the practice ones. I can’t believe it’s going to be over in a week from now...

I spent a weekend (my only free Saturday until Christmas) with my cousins at their place playing AC: Origins and eating a ton of candy. It was such a fun weekend and I definitely enjoyed the visuals and the story of AC:O. I only barely made it to Alexandria because of side questing but if it was not for the damn uPlay thingy I would probably buy the game because it was interesting. Still don’t care about the modern story since Desmond’s death so they kind of screwed that stuff up but hey whatever.

On the 15th I ordered my new modular 650W corsair PSU in an attempt to fix my dx error with frostbite games. They had some issues in sending the thing over but I got it in a week anyway. My friend helped me put it in place (and by that I mean she put it in place for me) but it absolutely did not help with my problem and I’m desperate. I got a GTX1070 from a Black Friday sale, it’s resting on my table right now. We’re supposed to get it set up on Wednesday and I’m praying to god it helps because aside from this thing I’m seriously out of ideas as to how to fix it and this stuff is costing me a lot of money that I could be buying idk food with. I’m being unreasonably childish and upset over this issue but it’s just that it’s been a problem for at least 6 months now and I’ve tried pretty much everything barring re-installing Windows, which is something I’d rather not do because of a shitty BioWare game, and which I won’t be able to do until I turn in my thesis anyway so yeah. Praying that my new GPU helps since the drivers for the 760 are lacking a lot of settings that people on the forums are suggesting might help with the problem. Maybe it’s just too outdated even though the minimum requirement for MEA is 660 or something along those lines and I’ve been playing DAI for years without issues... Who knows at this point.

In more exciting and happier news my mum came to visit me one day to tell me Santa is going to bring me a Yamaha Clavinova CLP-625 piano for Christmas. It blew my mind because I never seriously considered I’d be getting a piano in my apartment and that I’d just graduate and move into a detached house somewhere in the suburbs and move my acoustic piano there with me. I’m SO excited to be playing the piano again, and especially now that I can play all kinds of Christmas songs for the season. At the same time I feel super guilty and awful for “making” my mum get me such an expensive gift. Obviously mum wanted me to get one because she said she’s been looking at electric pianos for years ever since I moved to an apartment but holy DAMN HELL it’s 1400 something euros. Anyway I’m supposed to have my clavinova delivered tomorrow and mum is coming to assemble it with me in the evening. Right now because of the bunny it’s a bit of a mystery as to where I’m going to fit the thing but the bunny might be leaving in January since his owner is moving back home. I am also a bit upset because I won’t necessarily have room for my Christmas tree this year but getting a piano that I can plug headphones in or turn the volume down is going to make up for it. I just wish I didn’t feel this guilty... I feel undeserving and ungrateful.

I saw my friend from day care a couple of weeks ago. She came over to watch a movie with me, and we’re going to have a pre-Christmas party together on the 9th, which I’m super looking forward to. This week alongside PSU installing and disappointment me and my other friend celebrated Harvest Festival in ACNL. On Friday I went over to help a third friend with her move and I got a bunch of cute clothes from her that she was going to be throwing out. I worked at a showroom floor in an exhibition all Saturday and it was a super hectic and tiring day. On Sunday me and mum went for lunch and did some shopping for some independence day candles and such before I went to teach my classes.

This last week before the JLPT is awful. Me and my JLPT friend are meeting up every morning for some practice, and I have to get the last of my research literature into my thesis before Saturday. After the exam I’m taking a few days off completely, and then I’ve got 1½ weeks to proofread my thesis. I’m also going to be prioritizing sleep this week and promised myself I would start heading to bed at 10pm every day. I am still sleep deprived from my Black Friday sales watching at midnight and organizing my closet at 2am on Saturday. I haven’t been able to sleep in for a long time so I’m hoping that I can get myself awake by the time I have to do the JLPT. Anyway this week’s schedule is packed but I’m so excited for it to be over. Anyway it’s 9:56pm so I’m off to bed.

♥ I hope I get my piano tomorrow. ♥ And I hope I finally pass JLPT. ♥ And I hope my PC gets fixed so that I can spend Christmas vacation gaming. ♥ And I hope I finish my thesis on time and that I get nice and kind feedback.♥ Just putting it out there for the universe, I’ve tried to work hard for all this (except the piano but I promise I’ll practice on it a lot!) PLEASE let it happen. ★★★ ~