#sending her to computer camp basically

[b99andsoc]

The way that this show is hiding Van Pelt’s actress being pregnant is like so bad that it’s almost good

[kujainvidiata]

„Risotto Nero Observes“ - English Translation

(and my long thought session about it)

Thanks to a kind person, I finally have a link to an English Translation of the recently released short novel about Risotto Nero, called „Risotto Nero Observes“, written by Ayato Toya and translated by Hudgyn Sasdarl. It was published in the official JOJO SUMMER Magazine 2025 along with other short novels, also some festuring La Squadra members. But this one here is focusing on Risotto Nero and it is honestly a fantastic read. I would appreciate if you also share it around, so more people learn about more about Risotto Nero, since he is a beloved character of the JJBA fandom.

⚠️TW for: Canon typical violence (also involving children), murder and the whole mafia stuff you should be familiar with.

Below the cut, I will talk about my own thoughts about the short novel of my favorite character in fiction. It is just yapping in the end I needed to write down, but I also tried to analyze some stuff. I am not a native English speaker, so I am sorry for my mistakes in language. I did also not proof read it, so I am sorry for missing words or typos.

I am also adding some art I made of him because why not ✂️

First of all. Hi, my name is Kuja. I am a dedicated Risotto Nero centric artist and also a yumejoshi of him. Maybe you saw my art before if you like this character. If you do, maybe you also know how much this character means to me since he basically changed my life and brought me back into art and is the reason I found a wonderful community. Which is the reason I want to take my time and talk about this novel in my own interpretations and observations.

In short, this novel is exactly what I wanted to read about regarding to Risotto Nero.

It features no romance, introduces all of the members of La Squadra Esecuzioni and their steuggles, new characters and mostly is focusing on Risotto and his thought process, aka. his „observations“ which will be a reoccuring theme in this novel, which makes it a joy to read.

The short novel is timeline wise in the time around Christmas playing shortly after the murder of Gelato and Sorbet, which will also be a central theme.

Chapter 0:

A short scene where we witness Risotto Nero committing another successful assassination. As imagined, he is mostly using the camouflage abilities of Metallica to hunt down his targets. The kind of k1llingd he does keep being brutal and bloody, as we know later on also often to send an example and message from the highest of Passione.

It is interesting how peaceful the scene was written with the festive christmas music in the background which slowly fades into horror as the corpse is getting discovered by the passengers on that festive day.

Highlight of this chapter is for sure the absolutely high contrast of Risotto's deeds. On the one hand taking a life in a cold way, as expected from the leader of a hitman team. On the other we are experiencing a softer side on him, which many fans often speculated about. The target of Risotto's mission was just kicking a young pickpocketing girl away, making her almost fall to the ground and hurting her while Risotto, still invisible, catching her hand. Her only seeing iron powder on her small hands, probably wondering what just happened.

Seriously guys, this scene alone made me as a die hard Risotto Yume tremble in joy since it confirmed a lot of my own interpretations and headcanons about him, like having a soft spot for the younger generation. He did NOT have to help the girl, but he did, without ever getting anything in return since the girl could not even see him.

Risotto then sends a message of the confirmation of the hit to the boss who interestingly immediatly answers. Diavolo, are you camping your phone and computer all day?

Chapter 1:

One of the most interesting chapters for me personally because of the amount we learn about the hitman team again by observing how they interact with each other.

It is early in the morning and the hitman team is interacting not in person, but in a computer group chat, their personalities shining through.

We learn that Risotto Nero is currently residing inside a room which is part of a cheap apartment inside the outskirts of Naples. So is this only a temporary spot? It is written that Risotto brought his computer so it seems like he is only for a brief time living there. Do they have actual homes? Or do the members rather travel between short lived hideout spots from Passione? In the end, it is no luxury how they live. And this story often reminds us about this fact.

The hitman team is discussing about the most recent news recieved from the boss himself, about a new hit of a man called Rossi who plans to flee real soon and that Passione is entering the business of waste disposal. And two of their members should forcefully (a no won’t get accepted) transferred into this new branch: Formaggio and Illuso. Which causes a big uproar in the chat. Not gonna lie, it is very charming how they all are interacting and even throwing jokes in between. You see once again they all seem to have close bonds to each other. The typical duos are interacting, Pesci with his anniki, Illuso and Formaggio and once again Melone and Ghiaccio who really seem to get each other well, how they interact with each other really tells a lot about their dynamic.

Only one is not fully participating and rather „observing“, Risotto Nero, who tries to read in between the messages and how his subordinates are really feeling in this moment.

Also because of the most recent trauma they endured, the brutal loss of Sorbet and Gelato, two members who were tired of being treated like dirt and dismissively by the whole organization. Not respected, awful pay and the high risk of losing their lives on the daily. It is always interesting how sympatheticly La Squadra Esecuzioni is written, sure, they are assassins for the most dangerous Italian mafia but you can still emphazise with them. Many of us probably can relate to these feelings, not being treated and paid properly for the hard work we do and wanting to get their deserved amount. Their coworkers and close friends being sent to another occupation without their consent. Their capabilities not respected. Who wants to be treated like this? Sure, the motives are mostly motivated in an egoistical sense compared to an altruistic like some members of Bruno‘s gang do, which is one of the main differences of these gangs. But this is also why the hitman team feels more close, since they operate and think as a group, they want the best for themselves, the others coming afterwards, contrary to wanting to stop entire branches of their business for a better cause as a whole.

Even the boss is sending them more and more not so subtile threats how they have to submit and be obedient to his will. Like Pesci realizes, the messages are hidden in numbers. „Smorfia napoletana“ as it is called and we learn about which is a very clever stylistic choice of this novel which are basically numbers with meaning. And the boss knows very well what he wants to communicate to his hitman team, that he has the sole power over them.

And then we have Risotto Nero again. Who is, like I mentioned before, rarely participating in the talk and more inside his head and thoughts, trying to form plans, trying to see patterns and things. Now even more than before.

Because he feels guilty. Because he feels responsible for the death of two of his subordinates. He is angry at himself to not catching on clues of their planned rebellion against the organization. For not preventing them. For not hinder their deaths. In the end, he has to grief again. Something Risotto Nero always has trouble to deal and process. Once again there were people close to him taken away from him. By death. Something he now himself is known for. He, as the jet-black executioner of Passione. It is quite ironic.

Risotto really can’t let these thoughts of guilt go, he constantly is tormening himself about his and now decided to be even more keen on his men. To analyze, to think about their next steps, to prevent such a mistake. To observe.

It is not only that Risotto Nero is „surface“ level invested in his men. No, he „couldn't“ lose anyone else. He is responsible, as their leader. But why he can’t lose them?

Is it just because of the team itself? Do endure even more consequences by the boss and being dissolved by being useless? Is it because of the team spirit? Is it because he needs them for being able to work in the first place? Or is it actually because he can’t stomach any more losses? We don’t know anything about the lives of the hitman team outside their job. Do they have friends? Family? Or only each other? It seems they go around quite a lot, and being gangsters is not easy forming honest relationships between them and civilians. And even other teams inside Passione seem to be cautious, even hateful towards them. They don’t seem trustworthy for anyone else outside the team.

Also, this novel also confirms that Risotto truly cares about his subordinates since he is absolutely trying to analyze and insight for their mental states. He knows his team is processing trauma. They are still human. Luckily he knows as well how many of his members can deal with the stress or who of them is capable protecting themselves most efficiently. He thinks a lot, analyzes a lot and tries how to make a change and impact for their benefit and therefore a raise of the group morale. The mention that Risotto is thinking about giving Formaggio missons with a high chance of succeeding, just to improve his mental wellbeing because he alone found the corpse of Gelato…it tells so much about him. Risotto is absolutely observant and does not tolerate his own mistakes and puts on actual effort of being a good leader for his men. He does not want to any bad causality ever happen again between them. And losing them. As their leader, he needs to look out for the hitman team, they only have themselves.

After the team points out how quiet Risotto is the whole time, he tells them to take on this assassination by himself alone. He really is losing himself a lot inside his analytical thoughts.

Chapter 2:

This chapter is more revolving about the setting itself. We get to know the urgent this assassination is, putting pressure onto Risotto who usually keeps a cool head. Risotto will take out this murder of the soon trying to flee Rossi in a very crowded place, directly inside the mansion of this man who is tainted by very crude and unethical businesses himself. To put an example. Don’t mess with Passione. A job suited for Risotto’s brutal Stand capabilities.

The party being thrown in the luxurious mansion was right before Christmas, Rossi is intending to show his new adoptive son, Gennaro, another central character in this story.

This decadent luxury is a nice way to show again the difference of the worlds they live in.

By the way, it is very cute to imagine Risotto Nero inside a proper elegant suit he is wearing for this event. Sorry, needed to let this out.

In the next scene, an elderly couple speaks to Risotto about the over the top interior of the mansion. It made me actually laugh that Risotto was seriously being called „a wallflower“. I seriously can see this, he does not seem like the center of attention of a party. He also doesn't need to, he is supposed to be blending into the scene after all.

Afterwards Rossi appears into the spotlight and talking about the mystery of the „unopenable door“ and also just spewing out some meaningless anecdotes.

Also a rising and uncomfortable heat is described by the pair which is unsually also affecting Risotto Nero himself, which is surprising him. But it the reason is a sense of unease he tries to pinpoint to, until he realizes it is actually Metallica wriggling and moving inside his body and not actual nervousness about the mission itself. They are reaction to something inside this mansion which also is affecting Risotto‘s body. All this while he is planning how to cover the walls in red real soon.

Later on the party, Gennaro, a 14 year old boy is finally introduced to the story and guests, seemingly innocent and youthful, full of enthiusiasm.

Then the party guests were starting a tombola game, an Italian tradition, where we also get to know about the smorfia napoletana again and get introduced to new numbers and their meanings.

While Rossi and Gennaro are playing a farce in front of the crowd, Risotto thinks about the numbers and their meanings, as well as getting further affected by the temperature and discomfort inside his body.

The numbers are really dire and somewhat ironic when we take Risotto‘s backstory into account. 14 and 18, which are ages which his life turned around. 14 meaning „drunk“ and „18“ blood-stained. It is incredibly ironic just how these numbers describe his past, while the 90, before in his apartment room poster, is also appearing on his tombola card as well. His reaction and realizing these numbers was followed by a snort of him.

It really is amazing how much the author of this novel is taking Risotto‘s backstory into account and building onto that or referencing it. He constantly gets reminded of the cruel acts he decided to do many years ago which led him chose a path without any redemption.

Right after this, when the party and speech of Rossi is reaching its climax, Risotto plans to kill him, approaching him to close the Stand distance. It is interesting how he also is pointing on the target. It seems a bit suspicious, but the whole story is constantly describing that the others are not paying any attention towards Risotto Nero anways, he mostly blends in.

Also, Risotto seems to view himself as a „professional“ regarding his job as a hitman, not doing these murders for the fun of it. As long as they are paid and not caused by his own Vendetta. It seems like it is thrilling for him to catch up the ideal chance to carry out the murder for the most dramatic moment for reaching the biggest impact.

But right before Risotto could activate his Stand, the light faded, panic invokes between the guests and he lost track of his target who completely vanished after the lights come back to, the family of Rossi, his wife and Gennaro, worried about his absence and calling the police. But Risotto does not give up yet, further being suspicious of the unopenable door which not even the police who arrived could open.

After many unsuccessful attempts of opening the door and getting a new signal of Rossi outside the mansion, the police leaves again, making the party end.

It is very fascinating to witness Risotto Nero using his brain power to connect the dots and uncovering the secret of this unopenable door, using Metallica again to form objects like forks to the keyhole, which is also fake and therefore detecting a lie of Rossi losing its key. Risotto Nero has such an analytical and smart way to approach matters, trying to stay calm and composed. He knows this mission can't fail, the stakes are high.

Still, he fails to control his feelings once again, as stone faced as he is, a remark even his team mates are using towards him, which is truly sweet in a weird way, how they joke about this with their leader. He got a new message from the boss, who revealed how poorly Illuso and Formaggio will get paid and basically disrespected on the waste disposal branch. Succumbing to his anger, Risotto Nero breaks his phone, not realizing it until he hears the cracking sounds of the broken phone and through his Stand again inside his bloody hand, who seem to express his true thoughts and burning anger, screaming in their usual noises ordinary people can’t hear.

Metallica here in this novel acts very metaphorical as they really seem to be a vessle for his true feelings at times he has trouble expressing at the exterior. Be it the need of a leader of a hitman team, his past trauma or other reasons, but Risotto Nero often seems not in tune about his own feelings until later on. It is heartbreaking in my eyes that the unfair treatment of his men causes such reactions inside him. He does not want such a reality for them, he as a leader can’t allow to fail them again. And he is so sick of getting treated like this by the boss, his resentment growing stronger as well as his own rebellious spirit he tried to bury to protect his team, despite being treated worse every day. It is an endless circle of torment these hitmen need to endure. The boss basically told them to put their lives on the line, it is understable how enraged Risotto gets by that remark.

Risotto‘s appearance also gets briefly mentioned. He seems to have scarred lips, afding to his very rough a gruff apperance. Are these scars because of a neglect of himself of are these results of his past encounters?

But there was an even stronger reason making Metallica roar, the door seems to be connected and controlled with magnetism, also being most likely the reason for his own permanent discomfort on this place, which only faded within the power outage, which he now realized, the dots are connected now inside his head.

Chapter 3

In the end, the police did throw everyone outside before leaving but knowing Risotto and his Stand, He camouflages himself yet again and enters the mansion once more, iron will determonstion to uncover the secret and to carry out his bloody mission.

Inside he not only realizes all the stolen and proudly displayed good from Rossi, but also meets the adoptive son, Gennaro, once again, who detects the presence of Risotto despite not being able to see him. All while Rossi knocks and screams behind the unopenable door.

The mystery as Risotto figured out was an electromagnet inside the door, which is also the cause of his Stand reacting before.

Interestingly this novel confirms another headcanon I had about Risotto since a long time, as he tells Gennaro about the mechanism of the electomagnet which he read inside a book about waste disposal. He really seems like an intellectual and sophisticated person, reason he seems to be naturally curious about a lot of the world and its functions around him.

Gennaro lies about his reason being here, but the knife in his hand reveals his true intention, as Risotto observes, seeing the boy as a hindrance and thinking about peacefully assassinating him as well if he keeps being an obstacle of his urgent mission. Seeing that Risotto thinks about this dark act but not carrying out this murder of a young man, shows his hestitation despite him being a ruthless and experienced hitman. But, he is also seemingly intruiged by him, curious about his motives and the plan of the boy and realizing the benefit of unrevealing the crime of the young man. Also we can see that Risotto very well decides how „brutally“ he will take out a murder of a person.

Risotto lays out his own observations and detective work how the disappearance of Rossi was made possible during the power outage, which was caused by the extreme indoor heating and the lights of the christmas tree.

Quite funny how Risotto also uses his Stand powers to make a metal Tombola piece float in the air, it must have confused the boy to no end, not knowing about the supernatural Stands. He reveals another meaning of the numbers, 77, the devil, which was Gennaro‘s own remark against his new father. The man the young boy planned to kill himself, just like Risotto Nero.

Risotto is seemingly impressed how well crafted Gennaro is in planning his own assassination, but even the boy begins to flinch by the ghostly presence of Risotto, being called a grim reaper, which was also always part of his overall design.

He is curious about the motives of the boy, who wants to reveal the secret in front of Rossi himself, so they release him, with ordering the boy to drop the knife.

Rossi, completely out of breath, storms out of the room behind the door, questioning his son about the reasons of his hostile acts.

Then Gennaro revealed it all, how much Rossi has tormented him all these years after making him witness the torturing and murder of his own mother, just to get adopted by him again, probably making him suffer even more behind the disguise of a noble man, a habit of Rossi‘s twisted games. He even underestimated the boy to remember him after all these years, showing his arrogance and belittlement of others. All while the boy suffered in silcence and played an act, until now the time for his own assassination and revenge has come.

A motive and reason we all know defines Risotto all to well, his whole life. We get a glimpse of a backflash inside Risotto‘s head of the funeral of his cousin, many years ago. His mind turning dark just like his clothes. Full of rage and seeking justice of losing someone caused by another person. A person who will soon endure the same cruel fate, to make up for it again. But at what cost?

Risotto sees himself inside the boy. He was in he same situation many years ago, being 14 as well, his mind and spirit not able to process the loss of a family member. But choosing revenge led Risotto to a path of no redemption, a path of endless crime, just to get disrespected at the daily and putting his own life at risk, just to witness his loved ones getting erased from life again, not being able to counter the perpetrator this time and to submit.

No, this is a scenario Risotto experienced himself, he knows what this path will involve. I am very sure Risotto wants another fate for this boy, despite knowing the cathartic feeling of getting the revenge one seeked out for many years. Would Risotto chose this path himself again when he was reliving time? A scenario we will never know an answer of but here we see him protecting the boy for basically ruining his future life, a life without a real future, filled with crime, surrounded by mostly mean spirited people despite the closest ones.

So he tells the boy leave, threathening him to kill him if he refuses. He will carry out the mission, not only for the job, but also to spare the boy a life full of darkness.

But Gennaro does not accept, he suffered way too much from what Rossi has done, sleepless nights, trauma, feeling helpless, he only wants the release of revenge. The boy shows a strong will of resolve. And Risoto can relate so much, he truly understand what the boy is feeling. He knows these moments, this burning hatred and just bringing justice to end this once and for all. This is affecting Risotto even in such a way, that he lets his guard down, revealing his appearance, making the boy gasp in surprise by his dark and ghostly presence.

The moment of tension and two spitits connecting only got suddenly interrupted by the police forces, not hestitating to shoot on Risotto Nero as a quick act to save Rossi. The leader shortly needed a moment to process what just happened but decided to remove enough iron from the bodies of the officers to make them unconscious - a fairly peaceful decision for a hitman. But is it because he does not want to harm people who are not involved in his job or is it rather to spare the uproar of the corpses of police workers? Maybe a mix, still, it shows quite a new light of Risotto, being surrounded by members of his team who do not spare the lives of people close to their target mission. At least sometimes. Even tho, these hitmen seem all to have their own moral codex they act on.

After all, Risotto Nero is still cruel and cold enough to traumatize the people around his targets with his brutal and merciless killings, like he just wanted to do some hours ago with all the guests and family Rossi. I really enjoy how morally grey Risotto is written which really makes him an appealing and interesting character, and I try to say this as unbiased as possible.

While this short moment of being focused on the police, Rossi takes action and stabs Gennaro with his own knife he dropped earlier, directly into the stomach of the young man.

Now it was finally the time Risotto needed to act, bringing a gruesome end and torturing Rossi with nails made from Metallica‘s powers, making him suffer a long time before he finishes finally his assassination.

It is very symbolic that Risotto basically crucifies Rossi with the way he pierced iron nails through hus hands, it is very symbolic for a multitude of reasons and made me think.

If we think about Christian Religion, the punishment of being cruzified was reserved for the sinners. A way to show dominance and control by the upper hand instances, which is Passione.

It was often used for „low-life“ criminals and slaves back then, basically mocking the luxurious life of Rossi.

The dramatic display of the corpse for everyone to see to give off a warning: do not act like this sinner. It is an open display of Rossi‘s long life of wrongdoings and crime and how he now must suffer the consequences, caused by his sins. Since it is also a tool of enforcing and showing social control, it also fits the method of Passione scaring other gangsters and enemies. They are in control and on the top. They are showing psychological warfare and invoking public fear.

But also, does this act also is an act of mercy to bring salvation to Gennaro? Making Rossi die for his cruel sins to release the darkened spirit of the young man? It is quite interesting to think about this potential interpretation.

Risotto then rushed to Gennaro, picking him up, telling him that Rossi will now suffer for his sins. As Gennaro is seemingly dying in Risotto‘s arms, smiling, he found finally peace of his mind. His last act is showing the tombola card with the number 90 again, and we finally get know its meaning.

Fear.

This is what Gennaro wanted to overcome, feared and suffering by his past, not being able to act, not knowing if the feel of being haunted by Rossi will ever fleet away, now that the boy was adopted by him, probably even abused by new methods of Rossi‘s twisted mind.

Fear is what is haunting Risotto Nero and his team since weeks, enforced by the boss, treating them like dogs, making with the hitman team whatever he feels to, not respecting them, humiliating them. No regard for their talents, always reminding Risotto of his failure as a leader he cannot stop feeling guilty for. He needs to act. He can’t let this continue. But it is fear he also feels, not wanting to lose more of his men. But what is the other path? An endless cycle of ridicule? Risotto has enough. In this moment the brave acts of Gennaro must have inspired him to also put a stop onto all this. He can’t let fear to keep controlling him and his men.

And then, while Risotto is scolding Gennaro in an endearing way, talking to him like as if he was scolding one of his subordinates, like a mentor, he transforms the iron tile inside the boys hand and forms a staple.

Chapter 4

A short time skip. The news were talking about the gruesome murder of Rossi by a gangster and how this gangster also tortured a young boy was saved by a „skilled police officer with a stapler“

…a story wirhout any sense. Only Risotto Nero, Gennaro and the reader know the truth about what happened. Risotto did an heroic act, no one will ever know about, probably not even Gennaro himself, since he was barely left conscious when Risotto stapled his wounds with Metallica.

It is unbelievably tragic but also needed, as Risotto Nero has a reputation to hold. On this day, he took a life but he also saved another. And not only in a physical way, Risotto prevented Gennaro, who returned into a orphanage, to chose the same path as him many years ago. He brought salvation to his tormented and young spirit, finally removing his tantalizer from life. The boy has now again a chance of a normal life, a life, Risotto does not have himself.

Once again, Risotto brought success to Passione, without ever getting properly rewarded, payment as low as ever. Nothing changed. Only Risotto‘s resolve has.

He gathered his men again, this time in person, inside their usual hiding spot we know of. Which seems to be a rare occurance as the hitman team remarks, last time being the day they got these dreadful horrible packages of thin pieces of one of their members.

The waste disposal transfer seems to be on hold, Illuso and Formaggio being spared from changing teams this time, and they begin bantering again. Knowing they are essential to the team and valueing being among them.

This scene also confirms the basically fanon of the fandom that Prosciutto is a smoker - he indeed does.

Suddenly Risotto began to talk, he is resolved. The boss won’t continue to play with them like cheap and disposable puppets. The incident with the determined Gennaro and collecting his strength depsite still being scared, made him realize to act as well. Or else he and his men will keep this vicious cycle of being a team of assassins who despite carrying out the missions with success, still are only good enough to get potentially transferred to deal with garbage. It is a clear message, like the boss always does.

It is finally enough, time to free themselves from the chains.

He swears to overthrow the boss and organization. His will and decision strong as iron. Wanting to claim what has been taken from „HIM“.

This remark seems to be a direct hint on his pride, how much he personally has lost in his life and how sick he is of all this, fighting for a better future, for himself. But also for his team. To avenge the deaths of Sorbet and Gelato, to make their loss not being unresolved.

His subordinates being in silence, making Risotto questioning how they will decide, will they stay loyal to the team or to the organization of Passione? By now, they can only hold themselves only the little clues and whereabouts of the boss, events which unfold in the storyline of Vento Aureo.

Until then, Risotto Nero will continue to observe, to catch every clue to fulfill his revenge and bring dark glory and a better future for his team, them alone, against the remaining world. The stakes are high, him being the leader is responsible for the outcome of this resolve. Unfortunately, we know how this decision will turn out in the end. They were so close but it still was all for nothing, the mostly self motivated team of assassins' fate has already decided and it will lose against the altruistic motives of the gang of Bruno Bucciarati.

Okay, this was long. I don’t know how many of you really did read this. If you did,

Thank you.

As a summary, this short novel is a fantasticly written story about Risotto Nero and his team of hitmen, also shining with hints of fanservice, as confirming many ideas the fans had about them, and letting them all stay in character without ever breaking depsite all the bantery conversations, how close these men are. In the end, they are all they have.

This story really did Risotto Nero justice as a character, not once ever conflicting with the hints we knew about his personality but also expanding on them.

He is ruthless, cold and stone-faced, as we witnessed already in the original source material. But what we learned in this novel about him throws a new light on him, showing also his softer side.

He IS concerned about his teammates, he feels guilty about his failures as a leader, he can absolutely not cope with grief and has trouble managing his outbursts of anger - even targeting against himself and hurting himself. He looks after the wellbeing if his men, concerned about their mental health and respecting their trauma, not ever ridiculing them and their feelings. Risotto Nero is absolutely not emotionless, his inner world and thoughts are rich, which he just isn’t able to express for probably a multitude of reasons. He even shows compassion for strangers. There was no reason to save the girl from falling harshly to the ground, there was no reason to spare Gennaro, he even knows Risotto‘s face and could be therefore a danger in the future.

But he did help them. And the most cruel fact about this is, no one of them or the others, probably not even his men, will know about these acts and truths (only if they will maybe figure it out by themselves by the staples).

He is not a person who wants to be a hero, he knows he isn’t and he will never be, too many lives did he take by now. But, these little deeds to mercy and kindness are probably a secret of him, no one ever needs to know about. He has his own reasons to act, his own way. His own moral code and his own way to act.

This all makes Risotto Nero such a very well written character in my eyes, combining some of the worst human sins but also showing signs of compassion and protectiveness, like preventing others from a path full of pain or wanting to fight for his men, to finally get what they deserve.

I thank the author of this story, Ayato Toya, by a lot. This novel was a joy to read, which I already did by a couple of times. Also thanks to Hudgyn for the wonderful translation, which is very well and clearly written.

This novel probably strenghtened my own feelings for this character by a lot. I can’t express how happy I am this was written at all, if now this story gets and animated adaptation, my life will be complete. Come on, who does not want to see Risotto inside a suit?

Thank you for reading.

Oh yeah, here is my artwork of him again I made for this novel, I did imagine how he might look with a suit.

[3-striiikes]

trans refugee needing urgent help, please do not scroll without reblogging.

[plaintext: trans refugee needing urgent help, please do not scroll without reblogging. end plaintext]

hey so my friend @kakebezi-10 really needs some help rn and to give the basics of her situation;

she is a trans woman currently living in a refugee camp in africa with her cats.

she has been a victim of transphobic violence several time before. as of the last i have spoken to her about it, she also cannot work due to transphobia.

unclean drinking water has made her severely ill. she cannot reach treatment at the moment and needs money in order to reach treatment. she has been diagnosed with h. pylori, ulcers, malaria, and typhoid.

she is already struggling enough. i am truly heartbroken to hear that she is sick and i am even more heartbroken to think of what may happen if she does not receive treatment.

if you can’t donate, please at least reblog and maybe send her a kind word. i’m sure she could use it.

her fundraiser below;

@optimistic-autistic and myself are also willing to do art for those who donate to her. please reach out to one of us with proof of donation and we will negotiate your commission.

i know we’re all very scared right now, but now is a time for unity. please help out where you can.

[onebizarrekai]

Kai don't be shy and tell us the lore abt fatal flaws pretty please :3

sorry I'm too shy… I can't do it…

jk. which lore? I can give you some of my ideas I've been brainstorming. I don't know how many of these are repeats though.

fatal flaws is not exactly modernized; it's very possible they're in an ambiguously semi-post-apocalyptic setting, one that's rebuilt but it's been long enough that people don't remember. their country doesn't have any relationships with the outside world. even if there are other people out there, it's likely believed that there are no other civilizations out there, that the mainland is a barren wasteland.

"being a sorcerer" is the kind of rumor that makes you an immediate outcast. it's not illegal to be a sorcerer, but society has turned against them due to prejudice and the sorcerer parasite. the parasite basically kills sorcerers and turns them into 'zombies', like fungal hosts. it's a contamination; they're not born with it. but regular humans think that they're born with it.

miles and arthur lived in a poor sorcerer district in the countryside that existed under the radar, they hadn't been found by the government yet, but the parasite got in. miles lived with his single father and arthur may have possibly never known his parents. (note the big maybe) when the parasite hit, the military found them. the two of them had to escape.

vick grew up in the capital city and was taught in school that the military is infallible and that sorcerers are dangerous. growing up getting into fights and getting in trouble, she eventually went to training camp and got a job in the city guard due to it being well-paying, but it wasn't a particularly good or welcoming job. they eventually told her she "had to quit" due to her badly representing their government with her temper. she didn't start changing her mind about sorcerers until adulthood.

blue is just Some Guy, there is definitely nothing weird going on with him, nope, totally nothing weird. he definitely isn't trying to hide his backstory or anything. he is just a regular delivery boy.

arthur has very confused opinions about sorcerers. he grew up seeing himself as a normal human, and eventually became ashamed of being one once he realized what it meant. he thinks justice is very important, and people should be punished for wrongdoings, but his desire to take crime more seriously just perpetuated the laws that hurt sorcerers. he's not opinionated like miles about it. part of him thinks, "wouldn't people be happier if everyone was the same?" and the machine happens, "why don't we use people's magic to power the city and make it a better place?" he's… complicated.

hacker's a regular guy, but he lives upstairs in randy's restaurant like miles does, and he works for randy. he does Computer Shit. he did used to be affiliated with a gang and his stupid ex still tries to get his attention sometimes.

bunny is a sorcerer kid who likely lost her family to the parasite. I haven't picked apart her story yet, but randy took her in while vick was working in the guard. he worries a lot about her schooling; he and hacker try to do it themselves because randy's afraid of sending her to public school, since bunny's a sorcerer and she's autistic. vick is sort of jealous because she feels like she never got any special treatment growing up.

crystal comes from a surrounding island where people aren't known to live at. she keeps her identity on the down low, because while she's not technically a sorcerer, what she actually is would freak people out even more.

Once Upon A Time™, Charles L'bard the First arrived on the island we now know as our home. With his Big Might and Big Charisma, he smote the cursed monsters and their henchmen that resided there and became a hero. The people crowned him the Island's Hero, the Lord of the Sun, and he became the first king.

many generations later, the populous demanded an elected official instead. this did not make the royal family very happy……

[neurodivergent-fox-demon]

Chapter 16

Jackson dragged Aiden and Ethan into Duke’s off, pushing them to their knees. He had bandaged the werewolves the best he could and just let time heal their wounds. “Deucalion, what the hell were you thinking? Now we’ve been kicked out of the city. Stilinski has fired me.”

Deucalion sighed, leaning back in his chair. “Who were you sent after?”

Jackson passed him a picture of Derek. “Derek Hale. He’s Mischief’s husband. Basically he’s the last person we should be fucking with.”

“Husband, really?” He smirked, flipping the picture in one hand. “Now why would Peter Hale send us after his nephew?” He looked at the twins on the floor. “Are you sure you kidnapped the right person?”

Ethan looked up at the alpha. “No. We made a decision on the information we had. Why would you send us to kidnap Mischief?”

“Well, I’ll deal with Mischief.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I suggest you do as you’ve been told. Get out of the city, but I’m keeping Jackson here as my personal form of punishment. He’ll meet you in a month.”

Jackson groaned. “Duke. I really wish to not be separated from my husband.”

“I don’t care what you want.” He growled at the accountant. “One month of separation. I want you to follow Stilinski and determine what you can about this marriage.”

Jackson sighed and nodded. “Yes, Duke.”

💍💍💍

Stiles looked through the security footage Scott had delivered. He matched the date on Derek’s letter to the footage and growled, watching someone enter his office. “Is that who I think it is?”

Scott looked over his shoulder and cursed. “Raeken.” He shook his head, running his hand through his hair. “He’s stealing your stationary. He did not write that letter but I bet he knows who did.”

Stiles nodded, shutting down the computer. “I want him in my office by 2 o’clock. I have a few questions for our scientist friend.”

“Of course, Boss.” Scott bowed and rushed out of the office.

Stiles cursed, throwing a glass of whiskey against the wall. The letter had come from his own camp, but he could not understand why Theo had betrayed him like this. He had saved the man’s life and put him through college.

Erica walked in, raising a brow. She looked at the shattered glass and back at her boss. “Now that is just a waste of good whiskey, Batman.”

Stiles nodded, running a hand over his face. “What have you found?”

Erica spread some pictures out on his desk. The scene was brutal. “Whoever killed Laura was not a human, boss. They ripped her to shreds.”

“Deucalion?” Stiles asked, flipping through the photos.

Erica shook her head. “This is not Duke’s style, and he was in New York that weekend.”

Stiles groaned, laying his head back. “Duke and Satomi were the only two alphas in the area, besides Laura. Satomi is a pacifist and I doubt Laura did that to herself.” Derek walked in and Stiles hurried to hide the photos. “Hey, babe. What can I help you with?”

Derek raised a brow at Stiles but smiled. “The latest numbers for my restaurant have come in. We are on track to reach my goal by the end of the month.” He chewed his lip. I was wondering if you would like to go to lunch, to celebrate.”

Stiles nodded, handing Erica the file. “I could eat. I just have to be back by 2. I have a meeting with a potential investor for the shop.”

“Alright. I think that is reasonable.” Derek took his hand and led him out to the Camaro. “We should probably talk about last night.”

💍💍💍

Stiles laughed, wiping chocolate from his cheek. “I’m sorry? You did what?”

Derek chuckled, fiddling with his fork. “I wanted to be pretty too so I got into my mom’s makeup and caked it onto my face. I was like 6 years old.”

Stiles smiled, shaking his head. “Do you have photos? I have to see this?”

Derek blushed, shrugging. “Probably in the family vault. I’d have to go searching for them. Anything we could salvage from the fire ended up down there.”

Stiles choked on his water and looked up at his husband. “Your family has an underground vault?”

“Yeah.” Derek rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “We have been in Beacon Hills for hundreds of years. We only left because of the letter.”

Stiles reached over and took his hand. “I’m sorry babe. I will not stop until I find justice for your family.”

Derek pulled his back. “How? I know your dad was sheriff but what kind of resources do you really have as a mechanic?”

Stiles stood and cupped his cheek. “I have friends that are willing to help me and Jackson hired the top private investigators.” He smiled and kissed him softly. “Just trust me.”

Derek nodded, resting his forehead against Stiles’s. “I do.”

💍💍💍

Jackson watched them from the bushes and smiled. He took a few pictures and sent them to Deucalion before calling the alpha. “Duke. This is a real marriage. Stiles loves this man.”

Deucalion sighed, rubbing his temples. “Okay. What can you tell me about his husband?”

“Well,” Jackson sighed . “I know that is Derek Hale. His family died in a fire six years ago and his sister Laura was murdered three years ago. You were offered the contract in both instances but turned them down.”

Duke raised a brow. “Really? Who supplied the contracts?”

Jackson looked through his notes. “Kate Argent. She was Derek’s fiancée but he broke it off right before marrying Stiles.”

Duke cursed. “Contact Chris and set up a meeting for tonight.”

Jackson nodded. “You got it boss.”

(Episode 1)(Episode 15)(Episode 17)

@feral-weasel

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character 2024 — Scripted Bracket — Round 1

Propaganda

Sydney Sargent (Camp Here & There):

Sydney Sargent was submitted without propaganda.

Seth (Lost Terminal):

Seth is a cute disembodied ai located on a satellite called Station 6 orbiting a earth that has gone through major climate changes (Like, the Mediterranean Sea became incredibly salty lakes and Antarctica's snow has melted, leaving only rocky terrain type of major climate change). He was created when original crew realized they can't complete the mission as ground control had ghosted them + supplies are dwindling so a computer scientist(with the crew helping her out) created an artificial intelligence who can act as another crewmember, thus, making so the mission lasts indefinitely.

He's so so lonely. The crew is unfortunately gone and Seth has them stored in a room for the last like, 18+ years. Season one is just Seth rambling about himself and his situation via sending out transmissions from the satellite in the hopes that someone may pick up on his transmissions. One of his main goals is to make more friends.

The act of sending out transmissions eats away at his limited power source. So much power that Seth admits that he would've have a lot more time of he didn't send out any transmissions but he so firmly believes that there's someone listening even though no one has responded ever so he continues to send transmissions.

His dumbass once tried to save energy but foregoing pressuring the rooms in the station only to accidentally basically cut his brain off of oxygen as the cooling fans were unable to cool down his system without air. Don't worry he was fine and had learned his lesson

He has three robot maintenance kids who help him move stuff around the satellite. Names are Matt, Matts, and Maddie! Their method of traveling is space is straight up how the cores in Portal move around, on railings!

When he was planning out his descent down to Earth (because all that transmissions had killed all of his power and now he has to get off the Station if he doesn't want to power down), he didn't think of any sort of backup plans if he was unable to talk with his voice (because he had a ai friend who was supposed to help him get down) and guess what happens when he crashed onto Earth? Yeah, he couldn't talk and Matt and Matts died on impact. Maddie survived. Seth also died on impact but don't worry, someone managed to recover his core processors and revived him

He didn't know that he died at first until he was told so and Seth get baby's first existential crisis about being which he handled wonderfully!

Random facts about him: Seth begins his transmissions with "Hello World". He chose his own voice over a number of options because at some point he liked using that voice more than the others. Its a running gag that he Does Not Like Salt. He calls the computer scientist his mother and he's such a momma's boy. There was a moment where he was called child of man and Seth interjected, say he was actually the child of woman. He's not really good with plants.

He's an overprotective parent. He slowly starts freaking out when his maintenance robot daughter goes outside for the first time when he had previously encouraged her to not be afraid of going outside, saying that she's too delicate to go outside and is about to have a breakdown when Maddie comes back. He's such massive hypocrite <3

There's a lot more to Seth but I think this is good enough propaganda to, at the very least, get people interested in Lost Terminal.

[horsetailcurlers2]

more regina mills headcanons I beg, also, unrelated but how do you feel about dragonqueen ?

ahhh i’m sorry this took so long to answer. it took me a while to try to come up with more lol. i have many but most of them are just kind of half formed thoughts floating around my brain atm. so this will not be nearly as long as my other regina hc posts.

-first off i LOVE dragonqueen. i like all my other regina ships with a little past dragon queen. i think that was very important relationship for regina for sure. stuck in a miserable marriage, being taught magic by rumple who was mercurial and manipulative, i think it was important for regina to have someone like mal. not only to be her friend (or her special lady friend if you catch my drift) but also to teach her more about magic and give her another perspective on it besides rumple’s or cora’s.

-also they fucked in the vault in season 4

-this is random but i just feel like regina can hold her liquor really well

-this is basically canon bc of her apple tree but regina has a really green thumb. i feel like after everything starts settling down she starts growing a real vegetable garden. she gets really into it. bringing baskets of tomatoes and shit to snow and david. sending everyone home with squash every time they come over. she sends henry care packages at college full of produce and he’s like “i live in a dorm there’s not much i can do with this but thanks.” she probably has a floppy hat (but like a classy one).

-this one is so fucking random but hear me out. okay so when i was 10 i went to summer camp and we didn’t have computer or phone access so we had to write letters home. when my mom was buying paper for me to bring she bought me a pack of neon rainbow lined paper because if she bought me regular paper it would be like i was “writing letters home from prison.” for some reason i just feel like regina has the exact same energy about sending henry to college.

-i think she’s one of those women that has a very specific skincare routine but not like the 24 step tiktok ones with all the serums and gadgets. like, you know those older women that insist cold cream is the answer to everything? it’s like that.

-she does the sunday crossword every week in pen. (in my mind, the daily mirror has a sunday crossword)

[coloredscribbli]

Hiiiiiiii, I said I was gonna give you the evil-Jerri-Rig story and here it is; there are Doctor Who references in here but I think they’ll mostly explain themselves or something, anyway, no rush on reading this one, just lmk your thoughts, hehehe

Also, there’s this element called “the Gems” that’s important, that’s a whole other lore dump but it kinda also explains itself along the way

And the picture at the bottom is the outfit I imagine Evil Jerri (or, “Jerrani”) to wear, OK ENJOY

This one will have Mentos using it/its, they/them, and she/her equally, just so you're aware. Also, Bel isn't Bel anymore (in name more than in personality, but also just a LITTLE in personality)! It'll make sense once you read.

COTDP: "Jerrani"

*We open on the back wall of the Deca-Pack's hangout spot, the Basement. Lovingly splattered with framed pictures, posters, plushies, board games that secretly serve as teleportation devices to the locations of the corresponding games, and other tchotchkes, it's a generally peppy spot. Fortunately, there's a blank spot on the wall for a spatial portal to open without disturbing anything.*

Mentos: *soaring forward in its jar like a supersonic jellyfish, the open screw-top somehow not leaking any water behind it* BEL, BEL, BEL, BEL! *psychically flies over the couch, into the closets in the corners, and up the stairwell before turning back around awkwardly and slowly going back to the desk with the computer on it...which was right beside the couch* Bel.

Our favorite redhead time-traveler: *whips her head to Mentos and grins* Not my name anymore, remember? *says it very casually, then turns her attention back to the text from Amp that she's currently responding to*

Mentos: *holds up its spinal cord like an interjecting hand* Okay, missed THAT text.

Not-Bel: *raises an eyebrow (maybe, you can't tell because she has the helmet on)* Really, I coulda sworn I sent it to everyone. *sends Amp her reply and then checks the chat she was last in* Ohhh, that is THREE other people, I'm a DOLT! *puts her hands on her hips cheerily, explaining as she takes her black gloves off the desk and pulls them on* Forgot to tell you, but you know my mentor?

Mentos: *gives a small nod* Jerri Rig, right?

Not-Bel: Ah, ah! *taps the glass of her friend's jar playfully* Turns out, that was just the name they gave themselves, and they were waiting to meet the coolest protégé possible to pass it on to! *thumb on her chest* And apparently, c'est moi. ("c'est moi" = "that's me" in French)

Mentos: *gives a bigger nod* OHHHkay, so YOU'RE Jerri Rig now!

Jerri: *monitor flashes with a big red thumbs-up in place of her eye for just a second* And we decided to swap, so they're just Dr. Bel, and I'm Dr. Jerri Rig Sewatt!

Mentos: *twirls its jar around to pop out for a second (but it's like a turtle coming out of its shell, so the spinal cord stays coiled up in the preservative water)* That'll take some getting used to, I guess, but if it makes you happy! *notices Jerri's confused look* What?

Jerri: *squints and puts a hand to her chin* How are you...keeping the water in there?

Mentos: *blinks* Same method I do basically everything with. *taps their own temple* Brain stuff.

Jerri: *smiles* Gotcha, gotcha. Wanna hear what Amp just told me?

Mentos: *looks back behind them at the portal and ponders whether or not to leave it open* I have something I came to tell YOU, but sure.

Jerri: *pulls up the text again and translates it efficiently* One of Jack's best friends is recuperating and looking for well wishes.

Mentos: *blinks again* The one with the shapes who's kinda sad (that’s Schmitty), the god one with the clock head (that’s Cookie), or the murderer who's never actually killed anyone? (That’s [REDACTED])

Jerri: *scoots up a little in the swivel chair and crosses one leg over the other* The murderer. Jack's giving him a summer camp that'll open up for stabby purposes around when the Hendecas get their stuff…*mumbles to herself: "Still can't stop hearing it as 'hen-feathers'."*

(Hendecas = Party Pack 11, cause it’ll come out around the same time as TMP3)

Mentos: And something was wrong with the camp?

Jerri: Yeah, they forgot to check for bugs, so [REDACTED]'s recovering from Binjpipe-itis.

Mentos: *blinks with a bit more intrigue than the previous two blinks* Ok, I'm fine with the bloodthirsty creep more-or-less naming himself No-Name, but are we talking bugs like ticks or microchips?

Jerri: Microchips, he's more brain-sick than he is body-sick. Who knew that streaming service would even try to monetize literal violence?

Mentos: *snickers at this new information* Heheh! I knew House Dypoland would be vindicated on that one.

Jerri: *points* Shot in the dark, you guys have never used Binjpipe's services.

Mentos: *shakes their "head"* Dad just pirates everything.

Jerri: *shrugs* Fair, I just mooch off Bel's account. *crosses her fingers* Hope they don't flag me for password-sharing.

Mentos: Nah, that'd be Bel's problem. Though, the name change might mess things up. Tell Jack I wish Knifey a safe escape from digital prison.

Jerri: *opens yet another text chat to relay the message to the embodiment of mirth (that’s just another descriptor for Jack)* Yup, yup. Whatcha gotta tell me?

Mentos: *sees a flash of starry, purple plasmatic power zip through the portal she never shut* Speaking of pirating...me and Dad are taking an off day today, so we were watching Doctor Who just now...

Jerri: *finger guns* Good way to spend a rotation's worth of hours (a day), if I do say so myself. Old or new?

Mentos: *just now kicking herself for not having previously realized that OF COURSE Jerri’s a Whovian* Old. Binging Five, Six, and Seven off of shady websites and DVD sets.

Jerri: *claps her hands* Love it, love it. And who's your fav—

Mentos: Do not get me started on my favorite characters, we'll be here too long for me to warn you.

Jerri: *snaps to attention* Warn me of what?

Mentos: We were watching "The Mark of the Rani", and I thought she (the Rani) was really cool because…

Jerri: *well aware of this fairly minor character* She does all her evil experiments in the name of science and it got her kicked off Gallifrey and everything! I've always liked her, too.

Mentos: *sets her jar down entirely and floats out of it, noting that the stariness that came in through the portal is now lingering around the walls of the Basement...waiting patiently...* That might do you good in a second. *slips her spinal cord under Jerri's chin and stares directly into the one monitor eye, refusing to waste any time* Dad made a joke about the Rani just basically being a version of you without morals, and then you know how his head puts things together, and hell, HE loves his experiments and…

Jerri: *monitor eye dilates as the sound of the buzzing vents is taken over by a deep, smooth humming* He...he wants to make me evil?

Mentos: *floats back a little bit, then closes the portal that leads back to her place* I hope you've got a cool bad-guy outfit on you.

Jerri: *blinks, then grins brightly, evidently unperturbed* DO I? Ohhh, I've been saving my cosplay of that sneaky Time Lady for something just like this...

Coper: *emerges from the cosmic glow in the corners and takes full human form to lay a spindly hand on Jerri's shoulder* Really? No resistance? *chuckles lowly* Pity. *leans down* Don't try to harvest ANYthing out of my daughter. (The Doctor Who episodes they’re talking about follows the Rani trying to harvest people’s brain fluid.)

Jerri: *crosses her arms* Have a little more faith in me than that, dude. I'm literally halfway to Gallifreyan citizenship already. (She might as well be a Time Lady)

Coper: *nods* Good. Then this will be easy. *echoey voice* Curiosity compels you.

Jerri: *feels her own hands reaching up and taking off her helmet of their own accord, setting the metallic headgear aside as she hallucinates a small, floating chest of ebony wood in front of her* Ooh…*shuts her eyes and shakes her head to try and fight it off, despite the image only barely blurring* Ah...I…*senses her eyes heating up with blue and pink and blue and pink*

Coper: *pleased to see that this little expedition is going swimmingly* Don't fret. *pats Jerri's arm encouragingly* Listen to my voice...

Jerri: *almost yelps and gives another head shake, looking over to Mentos as best as she can* I....I've never actually tried to FIGHT this...

Mentos: *sort of twirls its spinal cord on itself like it's crossing its arms now* Yeah, it's pretty hard to do. It's not like he's gonna make a split personality and mess your whole life up...*accusatory look toward its dad* RIGHT?

Coper: *gives a sharp exhale* Nooo. I won't do that. *echoey voice again* But I will DEFINITELY encourage you to unleash your darkness.

Jerri: *feels her body buzz from head to toe, her thoughts starting to spin as she decides to... listen* Unleash...my darkness. *reaches out for the chest that isn't really there and pulls up the lid*

Mentos: *covers where their mouth would be with their spinal cord and splishes back into their jar to watch it unfold (they'd be eating popcorn if they had any)*

Coper: Yes...YES…*trying so damn hard to hold back a smarmy little evil laugh, but Jerri ends up beating him to it*

Jerri: *brain visibly does a rubberhose-y somersault out of her skull and flips over backward, enveloped in the shadows from the imagined chest* Ah…ha! This...this feels...so INTERESTING...*races into one of the closet, practically oozing wickedness behind her*

Coper: *laughs richly and straightens his bow tie* Perfection.

Mentos: *grips the lip of her jar with her spinal cord in anticipation* Don't tell me she's about to pull an anti-Superman, that would be hilarious...

*The closet door ratchets open, the redhead no longer wearing her usual lab coat but instead clad in a manic smile and a glimmering crimson bodysuit of sorts that's honestly best shown than told (I attached it to this story, and yes, that is the Rani's outfit, it turns out l have not lost my soft spot for manipulative ladies).*

Coper *thinks of only one thing he can do to make this whole thing better, sweeping an arm forward to command his willing subject* Doctor. As long as you subsist yourself within this trance, you will not go by…Bel, yes? *looks to his child for confirmation*

Mentos: *shakes her gray matter, watching her friend...enemy, maybe?...go limp at the sight of Coper's movements* Nope, it's Jerri Rig now. She swapped names with her mentor.

Coper: *steeples his fingers together in understanding* I see. *moves his arm again* When I snap my fingers, you will return to your original self. For now, however, your most tempting desires control you in your pursuit of knowledge. Your title in this mindset is none other than Jerrani, and all shall address you as such or suffer your inquisitive wrath.

Mentos: Laying it on thick, are we?

Coper: Oh, don't act like you aren't having just as much fun with this as I am. *sly smirk*

Mentos: That's true...Jerri? You good?

Jerrani (still technically Jerri, but different name in this altered state of mind): *lifts her hand to her head and marvels at the soft, yet practical fabric of her gloves as if seeing them for the first time* Who is “Jerri”?

Mentos: *eyes widen*

Jerrani: *scoffs* Well, now, don’t look SO surprised. In fact, I should look more surprised toward you…*pulls an empty syringe out of thin air and prepares to pull up a sample* Here, sentient cranium.

Coper: *steps in front of Mentos almost indignantly* I SAID, no harvesting.

Jerrani: *puts her hands on her hips with a small scoff* And, you are?

Mentos: *eyes widen even further as she turns to Coper* Pop! *voice like her teeth are gritted even though she can’t actually do that* Ya calculated wrong! She doesn’t remember us!

Coper: *nods and points affirmatively* That would be the problem, yes. *Jedi-mind-trick-waves a hand in front of Jerrani* Doctor…we are your FRIENDS…

Jerrani: *brain seems to adjust itself a couple degrees without flipping back to being Jerri again* Oh…OH, yes! Yes, I remember you two now…*tucks the syringe away, apparently not evil enough to warrant hurting those dear to her*

Mentos: *sighs with relief, then pivots her attention toward the intrigue of all this* So. Jerrani, how does this…feel?

Jerrani: *shakes her head and slicks her hair back like the question is absurd* For starters, desperately in need of a hair tie. Does someone EXPECT me to get gunk in all my Petri dishes, I THINK NOT—*returns to the closet to go rummage for even a basic rubber band*

Coper: Seems to be a bit more dramatic than usual. Which is no problem, of course…

Mentos: *squints* Not really “evil” yet…

Jerrani: *returns with her glowing red hair tied in a sharp, almost ominous bun that she pats gently* Much better. Now. *walks over to the couch, not-so-gently shoving the Dypolands out of the way to retrieve her helmet* Who’s up for a little TEST? *twirls the helmet on and turns around to show that the eye in it now looks like the Target logo…and it’s only expanding*

Coper: *takes note of the tables being turned* The mesmerized leading the mesmerized, what a fun twist.

Mentos: *starting to see that evil she was worried about kick in* Fun’s not the word I’d use!

Jerrani: *sneers briskly, her monitor beginning to lure both the Dypolands in like innocent guppies drawn to an anglerfish* Step 1, we do this. Step 2, I find some nice big test tubes to contain you two in. Step 3, I figure out how your skin does that…*pulls her syringe out again and pokes Coper with it, the red-and-white waves shimmering with wonder*

Coper: *pulls back at the sensation, but otherwise barely moves, feeling something compel him to stay right where he is…the words “for science” flashing madly in his head* It’s…a long story, I will…say…

Jerrani: Well, how lucky. I like a long story...*watches as Coper appears to reach a relaxed state and coalesces into a star-filled blobbo on the floor* They're easier to get peer-reviewed.

Coper: *murmurs under his breath, now just looking like a wad of purples, pinks and blues with sleepy silver eyes* As if Frankenstein ever considered alternate sources for his body of work...(hehe, "body")

Mentos: *shakes off the forthcoming peppermint-shaded trance at realizing that Coper has done the same, its voice a cautious whisper* Can't even refrain from stupid jokes here, can you? *twinkle appearing in its eyes*

Coper: *winks to Mentos to relay that his self-compression has effectively dissolved any danger*

Jerrani: *now seeing how fast she can pen-twirl her syringe, oblivious to how her "captives" aren't even walking toward the cage* Doodoodooooo…anyyy minute now…

Mentos: *decides to try something* Hey! Speaking of minutes...*splashes out of their jar with more than a little chutzpah* What does studying psychic power have to do with time travel?

Jerrani: *helmet snaps up* Oh! *assumes that Mentos is asking because the brainwashing has piqued their curiosity, and shrinks the circles on the monitor down to just one red-and-white eye on a black screen (looks more like Jerri's normal monitor now, but the eye is visibly more crazed)* How to dumb this down…*looks at Mentos* Or maybe dumb YOU down. *takes the syringe, just for good measure, and…*

Mentos: *throws up a psychic shield, the pink sheen of which only suffers a dent from the attack* I don't think I need you to explain it, actually! You've got all the smarts a Jerri is content with…but this isn't Jerri talking! You want more power, more reach over time, and if you can siphon that out from your closest friends…*looks Jerrani up and down for a second* And look great doing it...

Jerrani: *sharp smile at the compliment* You understand now. *tightens her grip and pushes the syringe in harder, then pulls up*

Mentos: *spinal cord ties in a shocked knot* What??

Jerrani: *lets out a gleeful laugh and taps the side of the syringe, now filled with the shield's magic* Fascinating. And…I do wonder! *moves to inject Mentos with her own defense*

Mentos: *freezes up in fear and shuts her eyes, bracing for impact before...*

Jerrani: *suddenly stops mid-lunge, the monitor's eye glitching back to its original, kinder appearance* M-Mentos?

Mentos: *takes an inhale and notices that, since blobbifying, Coper has started crawling over the walls again, but with a much more notable glow this time, like he's trying to reclaim the hypnosis he put over Jerri in the first place* Jerr…you're…don't move.

Jerri: *disobeys that command and looks down at herself, breaking Coper's concentration* What am I WEARING…God, I look good in it...*cries out, then goes silent when the monitor glitches back to Jerrani*

Mentos: Ah, fuck! *dives back into her jar and soars herself closer to the wall to buy a couple seconds* FATHER, do NOT mess this one up!

Coper: *voice very echoey as he's barely tangible at the moment* Finito, child, finito.

Jerrani: *spins around in a huff (not exactly a rage, but she's definitely pissed)* Oh, go on! Try and best me, Mr. "Metaphysical Paradise"!

Coper: *eyes form in one corner just to judgingly stare at Mentos* You told her about that?

Mentos: *shrugs its cerebellum (the little thing below its gray matter on each side of its spinal cord)* It's a CHALKBOARD, Dad.

Coper: SCOREboard, thank you.

Mentos: Yeah, no one calls EITHER of those things... that! (They're talking about the scoreboard for Coper's Hypnotorious shows/games; there's a voiceline in the original game where he calls it a "metaphysical paradise" for some dramatic-ass reason. I thought I oughta reference that at some point, ya know?)

Jerrani: *takes advantage of the spotlight going off of her to try and grab another syringe this time, to slurp up an entire person* Metaphysical, such a sweet-sounding term.

Coper: *eyes flick to Jerrani* She gets it...GAH! *clumps himself down near the floor like a hunk of mold to avoid the mad doctor's advance* Oh, come now, I am far too tired for this...*gets an idea* What about you~?

Jerrani: *whips around for another attack before thinking: "Did…did this helmet always feel so heavy…?"* What…is this…?

Mentos: Heheh. *plinks their jar down on the floor and cuddles up in the preservative water to watch the ensuing power nap*

Coper: Shhhh. *wave of raw mentalism pours from his form and sends Jerrani to the ground in unconsciousness* Sleep now.

Mentos: *telekinetically grabs Jerrani’s head so it will hit the floor more gently* Don't wanna break that helmet, do we...? *eyes crinkle like she's smiling*

*The camera shot transitions to the ceiling's perspective, showing that the helmet, sensing that its wearer has passed out, has switched to sleep mode. It stays as a large cuboid instead of shrinking into the tiny cube it becomes when it fully shuts off, and the monitor shows little red Zs bouncing around like the DVD logo.*

Coper: *gingerly steps out from the corner, returning once again to human form like it's absolutely nothing at all, and checks to make sure that no severe harm has been done before remembering what to do* Ah. *pops the helmet off and sets it on the floor to properly allow Jerri/Jerrani's brain room to move*

*As if on cue, the doctor's brain internally twists in slow, muddled circles. The two sides clash for control, and the two Dypolands hold their breath with no small amount of concern. A flash to the time traveler's inner sanctum transitions the scene to the true fight.*

Jerrani: *appearing as Jerri does, a glowing red specter in a black void* Haha! YOU'RE the woman I was born from? I'd say l'm surprised, but unfortunately, it's more of a deep disappointment.

Jerri: *much less disturbed than she probably would be if she weren't battling the familiar foe of her own most morbid desires* Well, I'm sorry I can't live up to your standards…or fashion sense, we really DO wear that thing well.

Jerrani: *pulls out a MUCH LARGER syringe (which she can do by virtue of this mostly being in Jerri's head), and props it on her shoulder like a bazooka* We, WE, what a funny little proposition! I can do you one better, however. *aims, her monitor flashing with red and white like it's TRYING to get sued for triggering epilepsy* You stay right here in this comforting little space, just play with the silly needles and drink their juice…*fires off several smaller syringes spraying a thick, almost blood-like liquid that bubbles with poisonous intent* Get pricked all you want, indulge in the pathogens! And I can HANDLE just about EVERYTHING ELSE!

Jerri: Ooooh, see, I'm tryna NOT test positive for…whatever that is. *pulls out giant sheathes of paper from her lab coat's pockets that block the acidity…but only so much, before they start to melt away under the pressure* Oh, boy.

Jerrani: *spins the bazooka-syringe around to squirt the virus goop into her own mouth, causing her to grow in size until said bazooka fits in her hand as a normal syringe* Come, come, Jerri Rig! Advance the pursuit of intelligence with me...it tastes like strawberries! *booming voice pounding through the body's skull*

Jerri: *tries to run, but instead gets scooped up in Jerrani's hand and sees the syringe tip coming for her lips like a baby bottle* NO! NOOO! *struggles to scramble back across Jerrani's gargantuan palm*

Jerrani: *gives a low chuckle as she assumes…victory…*

*…?*

*Jerri…Jerri…JERRI RIG SEWATT!*

*shock of bright red light, and a radioactive green close-up of a clock's minute hand ticking one notch backwards*

Jerri: *sits back up in her body (still wearing the sparkly Jerrani outfit), gasping to a sort of life again* OH...oh, my���my god. *face pale, hands trembling, chest heaving…something in her pocket gleaming that same green shade* What...am I dead?

Coper: *swoops to his knees and wraps Jerri in a hug* No. You're alright. You're going to be fine. Something…something happened…*pulls away just enough*

Mentos: *agrees with that and shows Jerri their phone screen* It was 1:07 a second ago, and now it’s 1:06…

Coper: *checks his pocket watch* Indeed. *notices the looks he gets* Oh, I’m SORRY for being a hypnotist with a pocket watch. Clichés are sometimes very fun…and something’s thrumming in your pants. *points to Jerri’s pocket*

Jerri: What. *checks her outfit at receiving the weirdly-worded notice, and grabs out…gasp!* The Gem! I knew I left this in here!

Coper: *eyebrow quirks up, as he clearly didn’t know of the Gems’ existence until now* Which means?

Jerri: *holds the Prince-Rupert’s-drop-shaped crystal up, beaming as brightly as it does* This is the Time Jinx Gem, Jack gave it to me as the game’s “essence”…

Mentos: *interjects to quell the complaints that she can see coming* There’s supposed to be a Hypnotorious Gem, too, Jack’s been a little slow in giving it to me…either that, or I can’t find where he hid it…

Coper: Orion’s Belt, why does it get to be YOURS? *stands and crosses his arms*

Jerri: *gets back on topic* Guys! These Gems are supposed to have power that keeps their holders safe, so the spirit of the games can continue…*clenches the Time Jinx Gem in her fist and gives a decisive nod* Time DID rewind.

Mentos: *incredulous* Heh. That’s something, then. And…Jerrani?

Jerri: *monitor glitches from Jerri-eye to Jerrani-eye, then back in the span of a second* Still somewhere in here, I think. *eye squints as she analyzes what Jerrani’s escapade did to her* Is my hair in a BUN right now, why would she squish that UNDER the helmet?…I need my mullet back…*pops the helmet off, sets it aside, and tears the hair twister out, ruffling her hair back to itself* Better.

Coper: *doesn’t miss Jerri’s attention to detail in resculpting her every fluff and point, even the angle that it all cascades down her shoulders getting a bit of TLC* I apologize for creating such a…confusion. I can eliminate it entirely if given *taps his chin* 5 minutes.

Jerri: *sets the Gem down on the couch and stands up to crack her back* You can CREATE a whole evil personality in 2 minutes, but you need 5 to kill it?

Mentos: *hiding her words under a fake cough* Rough estimate…never done this before…

Coper: *glare* Really?

Mentos: *innocent look* Just had something in my throat.

Coper: *looks his brain daughter up and down with a facial expression reading “You’re so bad at lying.”*

Jerri: *gives an unbothered smile and goes back to the closet to change into her lab coat* Honestly? Hold off for now. I think there’s a couple…trials I’d like to run with her.

Mentos: *brow furrows* You wanna KEEP the evil scientist in control of probably a good few of your thoughts?

Jerri: *shrugs* She’s just my darkest hour. And you know I’m good with hours.

Mentos: *small exhale-laugh* Good point. Just…stay safe. If that Gem hadn’t done its thing, I don’t—

Jerri: Neither do I! But there’s a real fun in not knowing, and what’s life without a thrill?

Mentos: *genuinely impressed in the same way that someone might be impressed with a person who repeatedly pokes a beehive* I guess that’s not the worst mantra I’ve ever heard. *throws its spinal cord up like a shrug*

Jerri: *salutes the Dypolands and reenters the closet, leaving her helmet like Jerrani did earlier*

Coper: *evidently keen to stay no longer after causing this entire craziness* Shall we finish out our watch party, Mentos?

Mentos: *nods and opens a new portal to the Palladium, but stops before heading in* …Jer? (Pronounced “jair”) Any problems?

Jerri: *muffled from inside the closet* Nope—*sound like she’s banging her head against the inside of the door* Just readjusting my brain!

Coper: Oh, wait! *facepalms like he’s an idiot for not remembering he made this command* “When I snap my fingers…” *snaps*

Mentos: *grumbles the rest: “…you will return to your original self.” along with a grievance of how, if he hadn’t forgot, Coper could have just done that earlier*

Jerri: *seeming much happier from in the closet (as you hear some mild squishing noises implying that her brain is working back to its original spot)* Oh, yup, that did it! Guess they’re gonna be Dream Me’s trials to run, huh?

Coper: *smiles, then rubs the back of his neck* Dr. Sewatt, still?

Jerri: *rustling* Uh-huh.

Coper: Would you…mind joining us? We are only on the first of 6’s seasons.

Jerri: Do you really have to specify “first” when he only had 2?

Coper: *turns to Mentos* She’s a Whovian.

Mentos: Yeah, I noticed. *waits patiently for their bestie to finish up (I haven’t necessarily said it out loud, but some members of the Deca-Pack do have SLIGHTLY closer connections to each other as opposed to the rest of the group. Mentos and Jerri are BFFS.)*

Jerri: *comes out of the closet after a few minutes* Hey, did I ever tell ya I like girls? (Yes, the description of “comes out of the closet” is its own joke here)

Mentos: I could tell. *waves Jerri forward for the Who-athon*

Jerri: *runs over, snags her helmet, and high-fives Mentos’ spinal cord to delightfully close out the story* LET’S ENJOY SOME BBC! *pulls herself through the portal behind the Dypolands, just before it shuts*

*Another flash of red light ends the tale, accompanied by a soft cackling that promises the swift return of our continuum-rider’s wicked mirror.*

This is pure, unbridled chaos in its finest form and I am SO here for it. We have "Mr Metaphysical Paradise," Jerri casually being at least bi (or a lesbian), and Mentos just doing their best to get by with the chaos. Another marvellous entry, no doubt

I fucking love this nonchalant, time travelling bi (or lesbian) disaster.

[scary-movies-on-netflix]

V/H/S/85 (2023)

“V/H/S” is a long-running series that bundles horror shorts into neat little packages.  It’s hard to believe that I have yet to review one for this, your favorite horror movie review blog!

This collection is centered around…the year 1985, which means VHS tapes, big hair, and big… uh…horror.  The shorts are bookended with 1980s clips, such as monster truck shows, commercials, and other scenes, all with that flickering, screen-tearing VHS tape ambiance.  As always, the shorts are “found footage” style, either the direct “I have a camera in your face” or “let’s gather up various cameras that might have caught the action at that time.”

The first story is about a bunch of kids that take a camper van to visit a lake for fun.  Some take a boat onto the river while two other stay on shore to have sex.  When the boaters are enjoying themselves, someone starts shooting at them and they are all murdered.  Fortunately, those that went into the water come back to life!  They return to shore, in various states of distress (one has her jaw shot off, another’s intestines are falling out, etc.) and find their friends also shot to death.  After some freaking out, they realize that they probably caught the killer on camera, as they filmed another truck at their camp site.  They seem intent on revenge…

The second story is in Spanish and starts off with a Mexican newscast.  Unfortunately, this is the date of the 19 September 1985 earthquake that struck Mexico City and killed thousands of people.  The anchorwoman is killed by a piece of falling debris.  The cameraman falls to the ground, but he is rescued by a search team.  Of course, the cameraman has to keep filming, and the group eventually finds themselves deep underground, where the Aztec god Mictlan (short for Mictlantecuhtli), the god of death, has been awakened.  The rescue team dies in various ways.  The last rescuer, a woman, kills the cameraman, then has to take off her clothes, rips out the man’s heart, and bows before the god before the cavern collapses.

The third story is about a woman performing some kind of art show with an electronic, computerized component.  She “travels into” a TRON-like world but accidentally summons some kind of evil computer spirit, which shreds her real body apart.  The audience politely applauds.

The fourth story is about a nice family having a party.  A girl is carrying a video camera, which she then hands to her creepy cousin.  Anyway, we quickly realize that this story is related to the first, as we catch a glimpse of the young peoples’ camper van, and a little boy shoots the girl with water from a water pistol they had.  Anyway, at the end of the party the family celebrates the daughter’s “seven” of something, as we realize that people in the family have a tradition of killing seven people!  The girl shows a videotape of herself killing all the kids from the first short, but the celebration is cut short when the police arrive.  The family go out in a blaze of glory.  The girl and cousin go to a bedroom.  He refuses to shoot the cops, so she kills him.  She then dies in a hail of bullets, but she comes back to life!  Because the campers had her drenched with miraculous water from the lake.  See?  The girl is dragged away by the police.

The fifth story is the longest.  Basically, a goth dude is dreaming the future, and his VHS recorder is…recording his dreams, which he’s sending to the police so they can stop the crime, I guess.  Unfortunately, the police aren’t stopping the crimes, which are being committed by the goth dude’s dad.  (The killer is a “forensic videographer” for the cops, naturlich.)  He’s killing two women who raised complaints against him and their lawyer.  The killer cop kills the main detective, who we were following in the story, and a bunch of other cops, but then his goth son kills him.  The end.

Finally, interspersed with all these shorts was another short, about a group of scientists studying a strange life form that can mimic others.  At the climax, the creature breaks out of its containment room, kills the scientists with its tentacles, and arranges their bodies to mimic the aerobics video that they make it watch. 

Overall, a solid entry.  The shorts lean heavily into gore and body horror, with people blown apart with high-powered rifles, ripped to shreds by a cyber-demon, murdered in grisly fashions, and stabbed with alien tentacles.  Lots of red paint and goo was expended!  I thought that the cop one lingered a bit too long, but the others are direct and to the point.  There’s nothing new or especially innovative about the techniques of “found footage” at this point (except maybe for the techno one, with the woman integrating some computer graphics into her show, but that was also “Lawnmower Man” (1992)), but for the most part the stories were interesting.  I liked how the dead boat kids tied into the murder family, and I was intrigued by how the alien would kill all the scientists at the end.  Basically, everyone dies.

[thewestern]

Chapter 16

Driving back over the bridge, the murky brown water beneath was running low and slow to merely a trickle. When they were just a couple of pequenitos, Kitty and her brother used to splash about in the backwater pools of that pathetic excuse for a waterway. Little kids still played there but Kitty thought they were loco to do so. Que agua tan sucia. What with the discarded rubbish — bottles, cans, syringes — bobbing downstream. The poor children — los hijos pobres — wading in gore. Some Monday evenings she would join the Newfy Run Club for a jog along the pedestrian pathway that ran parallel to the westernmost bank, the length of downtown. For their part, the NRC had about a five-kilometer loop, starting and ending at the green awning. There was the option to stretch the route to ten kilometers, although Kitty seldom did. She ran two years of cross country at West High, but even then running was something she could only tolerate. And only to a point. Never one past some threshold of fatigue and pain into one supposedly of euphoria. Runners’ High. As if. Then again, the serial marathoner types in the Monday-night crew sure seemed to be getting off on something. Likely of their own supply. Jogging amongst hobbyists the likes of Kitty, they fancied themselves to be Endurance Athletes. What a bunch of sickos. Fitness tracking every step they took, every breath, every heartbeat. All kitted out in the latest in moisture-wicking synthetic fabrics. Meanwhile Mick’s hand-me-down NFBC tees, which Kitty wore exclusively for exercise and sleep, seemed designed specifically to be moisture-absorbent. Particularly in that heathered gray color, which accentuated the outline of your perspiration just so. Like a Rorschach test of boob sweat. To match, not unlike Michael Jordan, Kitty still hoarded her thread-bare shorts from high school, team-issue, with the little block arrow running through the WHCC, although she’d been meaning to toss those. They were looking a little ratchet, in her words (that she pronounced in the French, ra_shay). Maybe then this Christmas she’d ask Mick for new workout clothes.  

  The bridge was built a good ways up there, high enough to accommodate any underpassing vessel, ironically. Reason being, back when the city was just a tinpan camp for dusty old prospectors, the major land-havers and other boosters would print up these brochures for sending back east, hyping up the city as a desirable frontier destination. A Pearl on the Plains. Good quality of life, great schools, etc. As for its viability as a hub for commerce, since transcontinental rail didn’t exist yet, one of the main selling points was this river that passed right through town. Their copy claimed it was quite a a strong current indeed, as wide, or even wider in stretches than the Mighty Mississipp’. In no time at all there’d be a veritable armada running up and down-stream, shipping all manner of pelts, hides and other wares.

Well that was a fucking lie. Water wasn’t hardly deep enough to accommodate Hank’s kayak, never mind Steamboat fucking Willie. Hell, it was shallow enough Kitty could probably ford that sorry excuse for a creek in her station wagon. Like that old computer game she could vaguely remember playing in the computer lab, where she would seclude herself most recesses. Everyone in your party has died, the screen’d say in that eight-bit font when your simulated river crossing failed, either on account of the riverbed was too muddy and you got stuck, or maybe you tried to float it, but the wagon was overloaded with supplies and it capsized. Could have been any number of reasons how come you and your people came to perish, never mind whether it were you made it to t’other side of that crick. Dysentery and cholera being chief among them. That means shitting yourself to death, basically. But also there was typhoid, measles, getting bit by a snake. For a fact, one in ten of those folks who set off on that westbound trail didn’t make their destination. Hey, speaketh of which, you ever have that funny feeling that you want to swerve off the side of a bridge, crashing through the guardrail, airborne just long enough to reckon with the fact of you’re falling, have that awful, albeit life-affirming sensation of your stomach lurching its way up out of your throat, the one you only get on top of a rollercoaster or before your first kiss in the planetarium; to have that feeling one final time, before your station wagon hits the water, slamming against the surface tension like it’s a fucking brick wall, killing you instantly on impact of blunt force trauma or a spinal cord rupture, or at least knocking you unconcsious to the extent that you drown comparatively peacefully, or preferably, so that you may go out in a blaze of glory, and since the water here is hardly deep enough anyway, the car explodes into a massive fireball upon the jagged rocks below? 

Yea, Kitty neither. 

Zeke was likewise looking out over the bridge, just thinking. It bears mention that this was no average bridge. It was a brand-spanking new suspension bridge the city had just erected. (Just a few short years after civil engineers had determined its predecessor to be on the verge of collapse.) This as part of a massive transportation infrastructure, overhaul funded through Mayor Mockingbird’s public bond package, the signature (and sole) legislative achievement of his first term. That was what he ran on. More bridges, tunnels, lanes and roads. For to get you to work more faster. Zeke too. About on the hour, almost every hour, right over top of this great big new bridge, this monument to the Mayor’s executive virility, traveled the Number Ten bus. Of all the five busses he took in total getting to and fro the brewery, The Ten was the by far sketchiest. Maybe because it emanated from the downtown station — a central gathering place for fringe types. But also because the bus itself was old and sad and decrepit. All the seat cushions — if you could call them that, they were so worn down — had been upholstered in a very seventies plaid, of whose crisscrossing colors — oranges, yellows and browns — had faded underneath god only-knows how many coats of fermented bodily fluids. (Perhaps that was how come they chose that rather unfortunate palette. For to camouflage the phlegm.) On that leg of the commute, Zeke elected to stand. 

Hitching a ride in Kitty’s car then was far more comfortable. Even if the back seat was considerably cramped for a fella his size, it was still downright spacious when compared to the Ten Bus at rush hour. Good thing then he rode mostly during off-peak times, although his fellow passengers on the pink eye could be a somewhat poorly lot. Grace’s recent antics notwithstanding, this was a much more civilized traveling party. Nobody was using Kitty’s station wagon as a toilet, for example. Although by now she was getting damn close. She’d have used the bathroom unit on the way out of #x_brüing but the line was still too damn long. Mick about pissed himself just looking at it, and he hadn’t even had to go. 

Come to think of, Zeke had noticed Kitty was driving a fair bit faster on the return trip. Although with her lead foot, he was in capable hands. Always at ten and two, pulling up to school at precisely ten of eight and not a moment sooner. Partly because the Mick would often make a big production out of breakfast — steel cut oatmeal garnished with seasonal berries and nuts, five-cheese omelets with garden-fresh veggies and hand-foraged mushrooms, fucking challah bread french toast and bacon. The latter or some other confection only on occasions that he deemed to be special. Not an especially high bar to clear. An average Tuesday could qualify if he’d been as such inclined. 

Burning rubber into the faculty lot with a belly full of eggs benny, Kitty couldn’t help but notice all the fancy foreign cars. How in the world could her colleagues possibly afford these on a teacher’s salary? Was she managing her and Mick’s money poorly? Were they spending too much on breakfast foods? Now she was feeling self-conscious. And doubly so, she was feeling self-conscious About feeling self-conscious. That was a feeling she felt all too increasingly of late. Get a grip, girl. Who cares? Probably they had significant others who were doctors or lawyers or something. Multi-car families. Zeke had always been in a zero-car family, unless you count his uncle’s panel van that he split with his brother for going on jobs. On the side, they printed DRYWALL, above a number for a beeper, which they also shared. 

Zeke’s phone buzzed. 

From: Mayor Lawrence Mockingbird for Governor (info@M4M.com) 

Subject: I Need You [Pointing emoji]

Preview: Yes, Ezekiel. I need You. You specifically … 

Whoa. Wait a second. For a moment there Zeke really thought the Mayor was reaching out to personally seek his council on a matter of urgent city business. Something so important that he used his given name. Then he opened the email and right there at the top was a big blue button marked Click to DONATE. Turned out to be an invitation to an upcoming Young Professionals fundraiser at #x_brüing. Zeke didn’t much consider himself a young professional. For one thing, he hadn’t conducted a lot of official business on this his work email. Really he hardly received any messages at all, unless of course you counted Thadeus and Louisa copying the entire Newfy staff plus Kitty on their interminable back-and-forth thread of idle threats, essentially an online extension of their IRL quarreling, annotated with hyperlinks to viral videos of backyard bare-knuckle boxing matches and people being attacked by wild animals. 

All which begs the question, why would the mayor ask Zeke for money? He didn’t have any. Like didn’t he — the mayor — know the second richest person in the world? He should hit up that guy. 

It was for this reason that the Mick was most happy to pass his old new phone down to Zeke. That he hated having correspondences delivered to his pocket. All the day long, it would tremor at his right hip. The lawyers. The contractor. The bank. The lawyer again, reaching out on behalf of the contractors, cc’ing the bank. The detective from the Parks Service. The Council of Brewers. (D-d-d-douchebags.) The lawyer, two more times. Everybody wants something he doesn’t got.  

And all these inbound inquiries to his work address, the mick at newfybrew dot com, those weren’t even counting the emails related to his actual job. Although those he could mostly ignore with reckless abandon. The obscure brewing industry vendors shamelessly attempting to upsell the latest and greatest in craft beer innovation. Are you getting the absolute most out of your glycol chilling units? Have you serviced your brewing equipment with the highest-performance food-grade lubricants? What does malt Mean to you? Not exactly the questions that keep you up at night. 

However, even if the electronic solicitations were only a minor nuisance, the reviews … well, those he did lose sleep over. Oh, how he hated the fucking reviews. If the Mick could rate reviews, he would give them zero stars. Fervently he believed that one day we would all reflect on them — these online reviews — as something we wish we could un-invent, paraphrasing Nicholas Cage in his favorite movie, The Rock. 

(As justification for the United States invading Iraq [this for the second time … unlike The Rock, Desert Storm — the far inferior Michael Bay movie — got a sequel], Bush Administration officials cited intelligence reports that Sadaam Hussein was rapidly accelerating a chemical weapons program. Among their expanding capabilities was said to be a skin-melting gaseous agent, packaged in spherical glass containers that were strung together like killer Christmas lights. Turns out, not only did all the Intelligence about that camel fucker’s supposed arsenal of WMDs turn out to be totally bogus, but that specific fantasy about the anal beads filled with flesh-eating gas … well that was taken straight from a Hollywood film: The motherfucking Rock, starring none other than Nic motherfucking Cage.) 

Let‘s for a second consider the personal ramifications of these Reviews, from the Mick’s perspective. Okay. So every time some dickhead wanders into the bar and has even a modicum of an opinion about his or her experience — be it positive, or let’s be honest, it was definitely negative — he or she may now dictate that proto-though, stream of fucking consciousness, into the Cloud, wherefrom instantaneously thereafter it is beamed from that person’s fat fingers, off a satellite somewhere in goddamn outer space, back down to wherever on planet earth the Mick happened to be at that given moment, quite often on the the toilet, at which point his mobile phone would begin to seizure uncontrollably, alerting him via email notification settings that he does not know how to modify. 

Then the Mick is rendered this review, a final judgement that is arrived at through no semblance of due process, nor is it subject thereafter to any appellate procedure. Nonetheless, it ascribes to him a numeric rating which is inscribed on the Internet in digital ink for all time. A jury of your peer has found you guilty on two counts of felony pouring too much foam, and three counts of it being too loud in here. The honourable judge Doug F. of Sacramento sentences you to one of five stars. [Bangs gavel.]

Having that hanging over your head at all times … well, it was existential dread-inducing, even for the most self-assured of service industry professionals. 

Funnily enough though, it was the rare positive feedback that would really get his goat, even moreso than the garden variety vitriol. Regarding the latter, it was easy to be dismissive. Like, fuck ‘em, you know? Bunch of entitled assholes. You’re a one-star person. How do you like that? 

(You might expect Thadeus and Lousia to have received their fair share of unfavourable reviews. Not the case. They were merely ever mentioned. The Mick thought it was for fear of retribution.)

But, as for the positive feedback, the full-throated recommendations, the unabashed praise … well, that was something else entirely. Something which the Mick could never quite get his head around. Like, what’s your angle? Were you so blown away by the Black Hole Imperial Stout (the Mick wanted to call it Horse Fucker, after Catherine the Great, but Hank would not abide despite also his being a history buff), and the atmosphere in which you consumed it, to the extent you felt compelled to crank out five hundred words? What, on the transcendence of that experience? Why, exactly? Out of the goodness of your heart? For the civilizing arts of commerce? Sorry, bud. I don’t buy it. Say what you will about the morality of our American tipping culture. But, hey, that’s cash in my pocket. U.S. dollars, kimosabe. Your money spends. Your opinions? Opinions are like assholes, Cliff used to say. And this time the Mick remembered why. Because everybody’s got one. Yep. 

The worse he was for it, the Mick read every solitary last one of those reviews. He’d drop whatever he was doing too to do so. When he had that phone, with the email on it? Forget about it. He could be lain wide awake next to Kitty in their marital bed, her dreaming peacefully, him getting all the wrong kinds of riled up, scrolling like there’d be no tomorrow. Then after that you know he couldn’t fall back asleep for fuck all, so he’d have to digitally detox himself. For that he liked reading the show reviews on the online forum, phish dot net … get it? Now you’re thinking, what makes these reviews any better than t’others? He couldn’t tell you why. Just that he liked these ones. 

He never could bring himself to post his own, though, for the handful of shows he had attended in person. The Mick (username: llambic1900) was what you would call a Lurker in the parlance of message board culture. He would read these cryptic entries and feel somewhat apart, even though he knew all the etymology, the historiography, the symbology,— all of the -ologies, of which these forums were chalk fucking full. For better or for worse, that was a big part of being a Phish fan. Homework. Have you done the reading? Just kidding. Because life’s this big cosmic joke. But it’s an inside joke. And you get it, man. You do. 

Whereas, and pardon the generalization here, a Grateful Dead fan looked at life like this big cosmic mystery. Sure, there were laughs along the way, but this shit was serious. No fucking clever puns, cryptid clues in a Sunday show crossword puzzle. Rather, it was a magic riddle. And only in listening layeth the answer. The truth that would gain you passage to the other side.   

Anyways, that was one thing he missed not having on the old flippy phone. Reading Phish reviews in bed. Raging against the blue light as it strained his tired eyes.  Also, it was convenient, being able to look up the weather. And getting directions to places on the GPS. That’d been handy. Lately he had to go back to printing them off Hank’s computer, which now seemed burdensome beyond belief. 

Currently, on the car ride back from his do-si-do with Dandy Jim (no need for maps — didn’t matter where in the world he was, he knew the way back to the brewery by heart, like a lost dog finding his way home), the Mick was cleansing his ear pallet from that Frankenstein’s fucking monster of a mashup. Good thing he had just the sonic sorbet: Phish. 2010 Late Summer Tour. 6 August 2010, William Randolph Hearst Greek Theater, Berkeley. Help me, oh kee pah. You’re my only hope. Kitty always got a kick out of the way he would carry his CD binder and brewer’s notebook back and forth between the bar and her station wagon, like the old car stereos you would remove from the dash to prevent their being stolen. When they made a pit stop he was dillegent about hiding them beneath the passenger seat. Imagine a desperate car thief’s surprise, upon smashing out the passenger’s side window to this absolute beater, to find a decade’s-worth of beer recipes and twice that’s-worth of concert bootlegs.

Including Phish at the Greek, the subject of eleven show reviews posted to the online forum. One prolific poster, known by the username, waxbanks (criticism =/= cynicism, or so his bio reads), writes: 

Yes, Trey absolutely *butchers* the Ghost > Mike's 'transition,' pointing to a worrying trend in Phish's music, an apprehensiveness or impatience on Trey's part, far removed from the patient and generous playing throughout the rest of the show. The sudden insertion of Mike's Song into the winning Ghost jam is a clunker on par with the 2009 Hartford DWD > Wilson. Ugh. But the rest of the second set approaches perfection. And you can't get There without passing through the points between There and Here…

Fuckin' a. 

Not unlike Trey in the first part of the second set, something was definitely off with Kitty. That much the Mick could tell. There had been since everything popped off yesterday. That could explain things. She corrected him when he brought up Hank’s Funeral at the breakfast table, where her Belgian waffle was getting cold. 

It’s not a funeral because there is no Hank. And because it’s at a bar. 

So what? We got married in a bar, Mick thought. That bar, actually. But he didn’t start, and off she went to school. Hank had always said they didn’t fight enough, that fighting was a healthy part of relationships, within reason. But then again what did he know.    

Maybe it was that her new job had something to do with it. Kind of got the feeling the bloom was falling off the rose on that one. Even before accepting the offer, she was acting unsure of herself in a very uncharacteristically Kitty way, about leaving West. Of course he was supportive, but the way they talked about it, Mick got the impression that she wanted something more out of him. Like permission. Or was it the opposite? That he would forbid her from taking this great opportunity at the fancy new school with a modest increase in pay. Why she would desire either was a mystery to him.  

Suppose then of course he could fucking well ask, suggests Hank’s ghost, getting in people’s business beyond the fucking grave.

In any event, they hadn’t made it anywhere’s near the second set. Unless you were on some kind of road trip, in the car you were lucky to finish one, maybe two songs, traffic pending. Keep in mind these are ten, fifteen, twenty-minute opuses we’re talking about here. No fucking top forty radio edit. Don’t bore us, get to the chorus? Get lost. For a fact, these aren’t even songs. Not in that way. They’re more like maps … to buried treasure. Fucking ancient scrolls. It’s no wonder then fans treat them like scholarly texts, worthy of being categorized and analysed. When Rome inevitably burns, these natural histories will be all that remains. 

Of track five, the one they were enjoying at present, username Jmart exclaims to posterity: this jam is the shit … one of my absolute favorites from Three-Point-Oh. 

The Mick wouldn’t trifle with that assessment one bit. 

Did I forget to mention, to mention Memphis

Home of Elvis and the ancient Greeks

Do I smell? I smell home cooking

It's only the river, it's only the river.

Grace slept. 

[axels-corner]

If you like to please ramble about your oralie kenric coffee shop au

I've been waiting for someone to ask me!!!! So I came up with this idea when I was in computer arts, and I kinda ran with it. It's kinda evolved past just a coffee shop but, the Lost Ciites are all chains of coffee shops, so like Eternalia is one, Ravagog is one, as well as where the rest of the species live, but in the back of the Lost Cities theres other shops as well, so it's like a coffee shop entrance and then behind is the mall, and there's also an entrance on the other side.

and the baristas are the councilors, and Oralie is the new employe for reasons revealed when it's released, there's also another mystery that I'm not going to reveal here (I love mysteries that get revealed as a series goes on and I currently have two major ones in here), and Kenric has to train her.

Some of the events of the books will be in here but changed a little, and not in order (some of them aren't going to be as violent as in canon? I'm not sure how to describe it) Like the flood in Ravagog I'm playing with the idea of it being a water gun fight.

Also Bronte still has elf ears here! (Reasons to be revealed)

I have the basic overarching plot mapped out I just have to write it and figure out the smaller arcs.

At longest the first chapter will be out by August, but I'm aiming for at least June if not earlier, I just want to give myself a little wiggle room, also I don't want to post it without all the chapters done because I have a bad habit of forgetting about series (looks at old summer camp au, and portrait series)

But I'm super excited to be able to share it!! I plan to announce progress updates when I finish each chapter, and choose a line to go with it, I'm working on the second chapter right now and it's sitting at around 2,700 words so it's one of the longest things I've written already! If you have any more questions feel free to ask! I'm taking advantage of the snow day I got to try to get the first five chapters done. if you have any more questions feel free to send them in!! I love this au, I can't promise I'll answer them all the way thoroughly because I want to keep some mystery but I will do my best

Also here's a quote from chapter 2 "Long story short I told them not to eat raw cookie dough, they ate the raw cookie dough."

[kenmas-applepi]

LOV pining over a pro-hero

Includes: Toga, Dabi, Shigaraki, Twice

Pro-hero! Reader GN! Reader

Warnings: Some cursing, Shigaraki being a creep

Author Notes: This is my first actual post! If there are any tips or suggestions please send them. My request are always opened! Mr. Compress was supposed to be in this but I can't really write him that well. Repost are always a huge help and please enjoy <3

Himiko Toga

She couldn't care less about the heros and what they were doing

The first time she saw you was when she stole Camie's identity at the provisional hero license test

You were sitting with Aizawa and Ms. Joke laughing at the latter's horrendous puns

Toga thought you were adorable

Kept sneaking little peaks your way while trying to get the mission done

Wanted to collect some of your blood so she could turn into you and just stare into the mirror all day long

Got scarily possessive of you

Yandere type shit

If anyone in the league says anything bad about you *boom* there's suddenly a knife to their neck

If she hears anyone on the street talking bad about you *boom* suddenly their throat has been sliced

Never shuts up about you

Every time she opens her mouth its just

(Y/n) this and (Y/n) that

Everyone is annoyed

She probably has a ton of your merch

She's literally your entire income

Sleeps in a sweater with your face on it

Oh, this is your favorite place to eat??

It's hers too

You like this song??

Well toga knows it by heart now and never stops humming it around the base

Goes on missions hoping to see you there

They'll be leaving the base and she's like

"I wonder if (Y/n) will be there, I hope they are!"

Like toga

Who's side are you on bruv?

(Y/n) is trying to arrest you stop being a simp for like one second

Toga will gladly get arrested if it's you who arrested her

Dabi

Had never heard of you or seen you for that matter

The two of you first met when the league attacked the training camp

You and him were fighting it out

And you were majorly kicking his ass

He would never admit it but he was impressed

If Dabi ever ended up dating anyone it would be someone like you

You were everything he wanted

Strong, brave, determined, sexy, sane, etc.

Wants you to step on him

He was able to sneak away while twice sent some copies your way

They watched as you demolished those useless clones

He could not wait to see you again

Would pay attention when ever your name was mentioned

Whether it was on television, on the radio, on a fan page, during meetings

Would walk past your agency in hopes of seeing you again

He would be in disguise which consist of a black sweater with the hood covering his face

And that's it

This dude must want to get caught with that mediocre disguise🙄

Has only actually seen you like once or twice since your always out patrolling

Is always asking Hawks about you

Hawks was over it

He don't get paid enough for this

Hawks told him that you have a dislike for Endeavor too

And Dabi swears he's in love

He's like "we can murder my dad together and rain hell fire upon him"

You literally taught him how to love again

And you don't even know it😭

Tomura Shigaraki

All he knew was that you were a hero and that's basically it

Never really looked into you thinking you weren't gonna be much of a problem

Boy was he wrong

You showed up at their base along side All Might, Kamui Woods, and Edgeshot to try and save Bakugo

His eyes trailed down your figure and moved up too where he was now staring at your face

You made eye contact with him and he visibly tensed while looking away

You were the most beautiful thing he ever had the pleasure of laying his eyes upon

Ever since that day all he could think about was you

You and your fitted costume that hugged everything flawlessly

You and your immensely strong quirk

You and all of your perfect imperfections

He was down bad😌

He has a video of your official debut saved on his computer

Silently hopes he doesn't have to fight you any time soon

He can't bring himself to ruin your amazing and gorgeous face

Goes into stalker mode and watches you from afar during his free time

Has probably learned your entire schedule

He knows when you wake up and go to sleep

He'll look at the clock and be like

"(Y/n) should be leaving for work right now"

He knows more about you than you know about yourself

Has seriously considered kidnapping you and forcing you to join the league

Twice

Every morning he looks out his window while smoking his daily cigarette

Today there happened to be a robbery and he was watching from his window sill, amused

Then out of no where you come running after them with eyes filled with anger

You looked so determined

He thought it was hot ngl

The scene was replaying in the back of his head all week long

Ask the other members of the league if they knew anything about you

They all said no so he took matters into his own hands

Went and did some research

And now he has all this information on you for no particular reason

The first time you guys talk is when you decide to interrupt one of their missions

Shigaraki is already scratching his neck in annoyance

Toga has her knifes out

Spinner has that huge sword thing he carries around

You have already activated your quirk

Everyone is out for blood

Twice is over here trying to de-escalate the situation

"Please just leave! Run! I can't have them ruin your amazing face!"

Then his alter self kicks in

"Stay right damn there so we can get rid of your disgusting self already."

The voices in his head are fr having world war three

One wants to keep you safe and tell you how he's a huge fan!

While the other wants to watch as toga cuts you into pieces

He was very conflicted

Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it and just request for any more scenarios! Check out my page and see if I write for any of your fandoms! Bye for now, babes<3

shxyo-sho © 2021 | all content and its rights belong to me. please do not modify or repost on any other websites.

[yoursminehourss]

🖊 Rena,, ik you may not be in the mood to talk atm so feel free to answer this whenever u are in the mood!! /g

YES YES YES YES GETS SO EXCITED I EXPLODE (its ok it turns out i just had 2 listen 2 my favorite song and fantasize abt band camp)

rena….where do i start. basic information across all universes:

- rena pacheco is her name

- shes 21 in human years (this will make sense later) and in human aus shes a senior in highschool bc he failed a bunch of times bc he doesnt care

- its a transbian!!! diversity win she uses she/he/it and maims anyone who uses they (i have to use they for him in The Story but these r the best pronouns 4 it)

- shes 6’3 and mixed with short curly blue hair, blue eyes, and a monocle

- in her very first draft she was actually a demon which is very ironic. also i made her up after an algebra quiz in 7th grade so she’s one of my older ocs

now! heres where it gets fun: the story. currently labelled “divide”, only One (1) person knows of it because i got overexcited and infodumped the whole thing to him. BUT. rena lore is now PUBLIC

- she was an angel created by the gods, but she was far too mischievous for his own good. so the gods struck a deal with it, sending it down as a human but still retaining some of its angelic powers

- she lives a fairly normal life in this world until shes about 14. he frequently shoplifts and commits minor crimes, but its just in its nature to cause trouble. and theres so much flawed with the world she was sent into; being ruled by seemingly flawless rulers: identical twins eon and era. era is loud and bold- hes the one who does all the talking and does most of the up front jobs seen by community. eon, however, works most of the things behind the scenes. contrary to what most would think, shes easily the more aggressive one of the two, despite hardly ever speaking in public. rena sees the corruption and starts a life of crime, per se. shes a robin hood type figure, stealing mass amounts of money from the people the system favored and donating it to charities for the less fortunate. the twins have him figured out by the time hes 17, but she continues to outwit them time after time after time. crime is not reported on in this world in order to maintain the image of a perfect world, so its only really sought after at night. but they cant track his computer or even him, so it’s basically useless. after a while, rena wants a bigger challenge, so she takes to more physical crimes against rich people. it doesnt go after the twins, just taunts them.

anyways i am delving into spoiler territory and i do have intentions to write and post this so ill stop here ^_^ unapologetically insane abt this ty maruuu <33 /p

[scorchrend]

I love your Au oh my gosh. What are some differences with the Deltasleep version of chapters 1 and 2? I’m curious, and I’m not sure I understood all of what you had written down. (Especially Spamton?? Why is he there?? Did he get possessed??)

for deltasleep chapter 1 it basically goes like

- kris sleeps in

- susie is grouped with noelle and berdly

- susie and noelle go to get chalk

- chapter 1 is mostly the same and susie still attacks enemies but she is more agreeable than with kris, so she doesn't leave noelle behind for very long

- ralsei's a little nervous about the lack of kris but he helps anyways

- ralsei teaches noelle how to act (reluctantly)

- susie rejoins at the point where they need her for the puzzles and she doesnt really leave after that, and at the checkerboard area instead of susie swapping parties, lancer joins them instead

- getting incredibly lost in the maze ensues as lancer decides to lead the way and noelle agrees

- the rest is mostly the same i haven't given it thought

- the soul gets sick of waiting and forces their way of kris. how does it work? i don't know. then they camp at the librarby (the closet in the computer lab, so that when the fountain is sealed they are unseen at first in the light world. also in general just to be unseen) for cyber world

for chapter 2 (writing this on the fly LMAO)

- neat tidbit at the start is that noelle denies berdly and she reads to the class

- they visit castle town and its really the same as the original, lancer and rouxls enter the inventory ofc (lancer tags along with susie though)

- they have to go do their groupwork so they decide to go in the computer lab. berdly goes in first and uh oh there's no floor

- noelle and susie jump after him, and queen arrives to capture and roboticize the faces of the lightners

- they beat her ass (no mercy option in this mini fight) and she retreats (she will come back)

- ralsei doesn't show himself, he enters some time after the lightners and queen captures him for the #lolz and he gets in his butler getup (you don't see him until the end)

- rollercoaster section, queen sends darkners on coasters. boss rush!

- the gang make their way through the cyber world with noelle and even susie solving puzzles while berdly gets more and more frustrated. he is being nicer though because he has no clue what the hell is happening

- meanwhile the soul is in the cyber world and makes their way to a certain dumpster salesman

- at the party split i don't really have a determined path even though it should be noelle calling the shots. whatever

- highly recommended that someone accompanies berdly though

- queen is not a trucie she chases noelle and the rest about very funnily throughout the world

- pass by the dumpster and meet spamton and he tries to get (whoever went through the path below) to do the keygen shit for him but queen appears and they run away

- soul meets spamton after this. spamton goes in the basement himself, along with the soul and becomed EX

- they run until they reach. ah. this is why they shouldve had a map. theyre literally at queens mansions entrance

- get captured lmao

- susie and berdly try to solve the puzzles with lancer. they get through it somehow

- mostly the same as the original except susie is all ??? and distressed about lancer turning into stone (no ralsei in sight) but she and berdly make their way to noelle while noelle makes her way back trying to be sneaky

- they dont want to fight queen anymore so they try sneaking to the fountain

- it does not work

- queen fight

- idk bro. berdly is completely fine here so. idk. give queen the werewerewires idk idk

- oooooo ouchie mama

- ralsei fucks off and finds help, gets sweet capn cakes etcetera. finds rouxls with the thrash machine, almost entirely stonified and is slightly weirded out. brings him along anyways

- susie voice wow a random darkner is coming to assist us

- berdly does the thing where he tries to make a fountain and ralsei finally speaks up and does the STOP thing. still nobody knows who the hell this guy is

- giga queen with a thrash machine that has noelle susie and berdly parts......

- seal the fountain

- susie and noelle decide to show berdly the castle town

- ralsei is there lancer is there and is fine and susie goes. ????? what. ralsei explains

- out comes spamton ex from the closet to fuck off and hide somewhere

- toriel is very very concerned for kris and sends them to the hospital

at least thats how it is in my head, still subject to change tho lol

spamton isn't really possessed but its like. constantly fighting for his turn on the xbox. the soul is stronger

[bartletforamerica]

How the Bartlet Administration Reacts to COVID-19

Abbey: is not taking any chances. After losing the fight to get the President to retreat to the farm or Camp David, she gets him to agree to limit himself to the oval office and the residence, with as few in person meetings as possible. Even before they’ve pulled together a White House task force, she’s made sure that everything is being disinfected and that her entire schedule is either canceled or made virtual. Her staff is the first to be working from home (and oh boy does she scold if she finds out any of them did something she thinks is foolish), with most of the rest of the White House staff following shortly after. She makes it her mission to do PSAs on what people should be doing and even does a virtual Sesame Street collaboration to teach kids how to wash their hands.

Zoey: Is not super pleased to be stuck in the Residence 24/7. She’s doing classes from her bedroom, so yay to not having to get out of bed early, but she can tell people are super disappointed that her camera is set up so that she has only a blank wall behind her [it turns out the secret service is very touchy about where you take video calls]. She also gets officially hired and given a security clearance for the sole fact that she’s one of the only people allowed to be near her dad who is tech-literate. She ends up doing some of her reading on the couch in his office so that she's on hand for when he's supposed to be skyping with the senior staff and can't figure out what link to click. She spends a lot of time worrying about Ellie, who helping do research about the virus, and texting her friends.

The President: is not happy to be closed up away from people. He also thinks that Abbey is overreacting where he's concerned. He misses actually getting to be around the younger staff. He and Zoey do a cooking from home video at C.J.'s suggestion, so that the country can see he's alive and to encourage people to not go out. They make chili and fight over whether it needs more cumin or oregano while Abbey records it and pipes in from behind the camera. The country is treated to a history of chili and a diplomatic incident nearly happens because apparently Mexicans deny having any association with it, even though most food historians say it has Mexican roots. The flaming debate doesn't stop a second episode at Thanksgiving where the country is treated to the history of the yam and all the secret spices that go into the President's stuffing. A large portion of the country gives him flack for putting Oysters in his stuffing. [In a small bedroom in an Illinois apartment a woman finally figures out why Joe Bethersonsen sounded so familiar.]

Leo: moved into the Residence because there was no way he was going to talk the President off ledges via skype for however long this lasted. He can only do so much. Zoey helps him learn to use Skype and he finds himself missing Margaret desperately even when he spends most of the day with a computer dedicated to having her on Skype so he can turn to it and ask her questions. She insists he get exercise and eat healthy (something he thinks she’s collaborating with the first lady on behind his back—they say very similar things much of the time). He skypes with Mallory on Sunday mornings over breakfast in his room and they pretend they’re at a hotel having a fancy brunch.

Charlie: is not particularly happy. He got sent home with everyone else because he’s not particularly necessary to have on hand if the president isn’t going anywhere. He’s still getting paid and he does do some work (the most important bit being hanging out on the phone with the president so he can ramble about history so Zoey can get her own reading done, Leo can browbeat the staff, and the first lady can do her own job) but he’s been ordered by the president and first lady to focus on getting extra school done while he can.

Donna: started freaking out the first day there was a rumor of a new disease in China. Then the White House shut down and even senior staff got sent home unless they absolutely needed to be in the building (basically just C.J. and some of her staff). And her roommate (not the one she'd really liked, who had a cat, but one she hopes is only temporary) works for a GOP congressman who thinks the whole thing is a hoax and bans masks in his office, so Donna is not at all happy and spends time she should be working cleaning things her roommate touches and that's sixty percent of how she ends up living with Josh.

Josh: is struggling with not being allowed to leave the house on pain of the first lady taking him to task (something about his lungs and the bullet). Even when he was putting his nose to the grindstone to make it through college and law school, he liked being around people while he studied, so he was usually in the library or a cafe rather than his room. He works best when he can bounce ideas off people and take in new ideas. When he was grounded after surgery it absolutely sucked and that was why he drove everyone crazy calling them all the time. Yeah he was bored, but he was also lonely. Plus he's not the best with technology. He very nearly went on national tv with his boxers showing, if not for Donna skyping him beforehand and making sure he fixed the camera. Between needing not to be alone and needing his assistant to be able to actually help him, the invite for Donna to stay with him slips out when she's complaining about her roommate. She shows up two hours later with two suitcases of clothes and two suitcases with pasta, toilet paper, and flour.

Donna and Josh: are handling the pandemic much better now that they're together. Josh can bounce ideas off Donna without it tying up his phone line. And she can listen in on his calls to the various members of congress about the stimulus package that they're working on. It's an even better look at Josh's job than she had before, and while it makes some of her work harder to focus on, she feels like she understands some things better than she ever has before. Josh even starts listening to her about how to sway certain congressmembers to their side. When they're not working, Donna forces Josh to cook with her so they're not entirely subsisting on delivery. They tried making bread and managed to spill half a bag of flour on the floor in the process but they ate all of it, even though it tasted pretty bland. Josh finally got Donna into baseball when it came back. Toby spit out his beer when he was on speakerphone with them and he heard Donna accurately yelling at the Mets for screwing up. Donna wears Josh's clothes more than her own, since she doesn't have to be on camera most of the time. They're platonically sharing a bed because they haven't found a convertible sofa for his living room that they like, they say, and it doesn't make sense for one of them to sleep on the couch, which they say has a spring that makes it uncomfortable to sleep on, even though Donna lounges on it all day with no problem. They are absolutely not dating and so they tell all their friends.

C.J.: spends five minutes laughing every time she gets off the phone with Josh or Donna. She loves her friends but god they're so completely in denial. It does, however, give her a much needed break. Her job has always involved a lot of people and knowing what venue to meet them in to ensure that she gets or passes on the information she needs. COVID protocols mean no more one-on-one meetings with journalists in her office, no more gaggles following her through the halls. The press corps were not happy when they moved all briefings outside and insisted on face masks and shields in addition to everyone sitting six feet apart. She gets asked about the president's health at least once a day and they start doing weekly waving from the balconies just so the press corps can get footage of him, healthy and shouting down to Danny and some of the others. Someone makes a cartoon of the president in the tower, with Abbey as his dragon keeper and though no one is willing to justify a cartoon with a comment, privately C.J. thinks it's accurate. She's always admired Abbey's fierce protectiveness of her family, even when she doesn't agree with every way it expresses itself or when it interferes with C.J.'s job. She has to come up with new ways to push the White House agenda (keep the economy afloat, stay home, no, don't listen to the GOP governors or those running for the primary, those ideas are not good, go the fuck home and stop having parties) and while some work, others bomb. It would help if everyone would stay on message and not screw up.

Sam: would like to make it clear that he did not know how many people would be at that gathering. He thought he was going for an outdoor meal with just a few old friends who could help raise money for the democratic party, not a fifty-person birthday party. The media fallout nearly gets him fired. Instead he gets yelled at by C.J., then by the First Lady. Mallory even sends him a card about how stupid he was. He's pretty sure that having Donna around is the only reason that Josh hasn't made the same mistake by now. It had to have been a toss up as to which of the two of them would screw up. Sam just isn't lucky enough to have a Donna (Sam is very happy that Josh has a Donna, Sam just wants Josh to realize that he talks about Donna the same way most men talk about their wives, because it's really hard not to respond to "why do I put up with finding her hair clogging the shower drain" with "because you love her and can't live without her, stupid"). He instead has adopted a cat for company. It tries to scratch him every time he tries to pet it. Sam spends his days trying to find a way to say "fuck the economy until we've beaten the virus" in a way that is palatable to the American people while trying to remind Toby that they can't actually say that outright. This is not an easy task.

Toby: would like to tell most of the American public to shut up, stay indoors for two months, pretty much nobody excepted, and if you don't, then you get tossed out to sea. He's come within an inch of telling anti-mask people they deserve to get sick on the record and is strongly advocating that the federal government figure out a way to mandate that every person in the country, minus those with legitimate medical exceptions, get the vaccine as soon as possible. He is also about to get evicted because it turns out his neighbors do not appreciate having rubber balls bounced against the walls for hours on end. Apparently, the thud is rather annoying. He worries about everyone, though this is delivered brusquely. Out of everyone he's taking the new work from home situation the best. No one can pop in to distract him, or comment on his eating habits. And if he doesn't want to talk to someone, he can always turn his phone to silent and pretend not to have seen they called. He's not pleased the Yankees lost to the Rays (necessitating rooting for either the Dodgers or the Rays, one of which beat his team and the other which betrayed New York), but he can at least take solace in the fact that the Mets didn't even make the playoffs.

[heyitssmiller]

Clandestine: Chapter Nine

Another cliffhanger? Me? Nah. 

All characters belong to @lumosinlove

@donttouchmycarrots is the best and I love her so much. She also inspired a lot of this chapter’s angst, so it’s not all my fault this time! <3

CW: violence, blood/injuries, guns/gun violence

Clandestine Masterlist

.

Sirius woke up alone. This in and of itself wasn’t unusual, until he remembered the events of the night before. Wandering hands, soft, needy sighs, and warm lips that kissed him and kissed him and kissed him. He rolled onto his stomach and smothered himself with his pillow to hide the smile that took over his entire face, heart beating giddily in his chest. That happened.

Holy shit.

But that begged the question: where was he?

Sirius stayed in bed for a few moments, thinking that maybe Remus was coming back, but then he got too impatient and crawled out of bed to go searching. If he was camped out in front of that laptop again this early… but no. He was standing in front of the stove, prodding at the contents of a frying pan. The smell of coffee reached Sirius and he smiled again as he entered the kitchen, making sure his footsteps were loud enough for Remus to hear - that way it wasn’t a surprise when he came to stand behind Remus and wrapped his arms around his waist, hooking his chin on his shoulder to watch what was happening on the stove. 

A general rule of dating a spy - don’t sneak up on them. It tends to end badly.

“Morning.” Sirius mumbled, turning his head to press a lingering kiss to a tendon in Remus’ neck and smiling against warm skin. Remus hummed, leaning back into Sirius’ chest and angling his neck to give him better access. That simple, innocuous motion stole Sirius’ breath. Remus didn’t trust easily - Sirius could understand why, given everything he’d been through. But there he was, relaxed against Sirius, eyes closed, completely trusting. Sirius wasn’t exactly sure what to do with something so precious, but damn he really didn’t want to screw this up. So he continued to place kiss after kiss to Remus’s skin, finding a ticklish spot right below his ear that made him laugh and squirm in Sirius’ arms before he shoved him away, a wide, happy smile on his face.

Had Sirius ever been this happy before? He doubted it.

“So what’s for breakfast, chef?” He asked, peering at the frying pan. Remus turned the stove off and grabbed plates from the cabinet by the fridge while Sirius grabbed silverware and napkins. It was incredibly domestic. Sirius couldn’t get enough of it.

“Scrambled eggs, toast, and coffee. Nothing gourmet, but it’s the best I can do.” He answered as he scooped eggs out of the frying pan and grabbed toast from the toaster, then handed the plate to Sirius. They took their plates to the tiny kitchen table, along with the coffee and creamer and jams before sitting down to eat.

It was… nice. Their relationship had changed a lot the night before, but it was easy - a seamless transition from friends to more. He’d always assumed there would be some awkwardness with a big change like that, but it felt normal. Remus still teased him for how he took his coffee, Sirius still kicked him for it. They went over their plans for the day and what they wanted to get done. The ease of it all made Sirius wonder just how long they’d been teetering over that precipice.

It also made him feel guilty, how happy he was when his brother was still trapped with the Snakes and Finn still missing. Remus seemed to recognize his shift in emotion and smiled sadly, reaching across the table to tangle their hands together.

“We’re going to figure something out.” He said quietly before taking a sip of coffee, not once letting go of Sirius’ hand but playing with his fingers absentmindedly. It made it a bit tricky to eat, but Sirius couldn’t say he minded one bit.

He hoped Remus was right.

***

“Update?” Talker asked as soon as Remus and Sirius entered the office, looking tired. He kept pace with them as they walked, eager for a response. He and Finn were pretty close, constantly cracking jokes and trading jabs and playing pranks. But then again, Finn was a very outgoing guy - he was pretty close with a lot of people.

Sure enough, as they rounded the corner they found a gathering of people outside Remus’ office, all friends. All worried.

And a stranger standing next to Kasey, watching them as they approached. Red hair, brown eyes, faint freckles.

Remus didn’t have to ask who he was.

He stuck his hand out for the agent to shake. “O’Hara.”

Alex shook his hand briefly, soulful eyes a myriad of warring emotions. “Please tell me what the hell is going on.”

Remus looked at him, then the rest of the people around his office. They all needed to know what was going on, but he felt like Alex deserved the chance to hear this on his own, without the prying eyes of a bunch of strangers.

Sirius seemed to know exactly what he needed. It was like a sixth sense. “Lions, to the conference room! I’ll tell you what we know.” He gave Remus a warm smile, one that he was helpless to return. Last night was… blinding, as strange as it sounded. Sirius was all he could see now - the bright, expressive eyes, full, addictive lips, and wow he needed to get off this train of thought quickly. He had important things to do today.

Sirius seemed to know exactly what was on his mind. His smile turned secretive and sly before he shot Remus a wink and led the way to the conference room, leaving only Alex. Remus looked at him, then jerked his head towards his office. Alex followed after him and instantly sat down in one of the extra chairs, eyes never leaving Remus. He looked tired, worried, desperate for answers.

Remus sighed, an ache in his chest. He couldn’t imagine what it must be like for him, dealing with his younger brother being kidnapped. If it was Jules, Remus would lose his mind. “Let’s just start at the beginning, ok?” And so he did. He went over the general premise of the mission, what they’d done so far, and what went wrong. Alex listened quietly, taking it in.

When they were finally caught up Alex leaned back in his chair, raking a hand through his hair - a motion that was so Finn that Remus had to hold his breath for a second before releasing it. “So do we have any leads? What’s the plan?”

“We’ve got three possible locations. We’re going to try to narrow it down and then send in the two operatives we’ve already got in Slytherin.”

“Finn’s partners.”

There was something about the way Alex said that. The wrinkle in his brow, eyes hard and unflinching. Unforgiving. Remus gave him a look, keeping his voice neutral. “It was a freak accident, O’Hara. Not their fault.”

He wasn’t brave enough to tell the agent how much of that fault rested on his own shoulders. He was basically in charge of this mission. He’d been the one in charge of planning, giving them the go-ahead, looking out for signs of danger. There were signs of the op going bad - he could see that now, in hindsight. But hindsight was always 20/20, wasn’t it?

And now he was sitting here, explaining to the brother of the agent he let get kidnapped that they didn’t really have a solid plan. They were still scattered and struggling to recollect themselves after that disaster of a mission. What exactly was he supposed to say?

Alex ignored his earlier attempt at placation. “You’re telling me that your plan is to send one agent and a rookie safe-cracker into Snakes headquarters and break my brother out? That’s all you’ve got?”

“The rest of us are already on their radar. If we sent in other agents-”

“Bullshit.” Alex growled, leaning forward dangerously. And really, Remus couldn’t fault him for any of this. Their bond ran deep, apparently. “You’re taking down the Snakes anyways, what’s wrong with pushing up the timeline a little? We don’t need to be covert anymore, we need to be dominant and aggressive.”

“That makes your brother collateral damage,” Remus reasoned. “We go in guns-blazing, the first thing they’ll do is make it a hostage situation.”

Alex sighed, his shoulders slumping and all the fight leaving him in a split-second, frustration rolling off him in waves. “Fuck.”

“We’ve got an ex-Snake on the team and a guy on the inside. Potentially,” he felt like he had to add, because he still wasn’t sure what to think of the younger Black brother. Sirius trusted him, sure, but was that enough?

One wrong move and they could lose three agents. This required precision and cunning, not hot-headed recklessness.

“We’re going to do our best to get him out of there.” Remus finally finished, trying to instill confidence with just the words. Alex just smiled sadly.

“Good media answer, right there.”

Remus’ phone buzzed twice in his pocket, signaling an incoming message. He fumbled with it for a second, then looked down at the screen. “Well, I might have a better answer in a few minutes. One of his partners says they’ve got news.”

Remus just hoped it was finally some good news.

***

Logan was still pacing - back and forth, back and forth. It wasn’t a stressed pace this time, exactly. His stride was longer, full of pent-up energy and restlessness. Leo was switching between watching him and reading the messages Regulus sent the night before to Loops and Sirius, who were both listening intently.

“So let me get this straight.” Remus said through the computer speakers. “Regulus said he’d turn off one of the cameras that overlooks a side door, sneak you two in, and then help you get both him and Finn out?” He and Sirius were sitting close together at the conference table, sneaking glances at each other when they thought no one was looking.

Leo smiled knowingly. Good for them.

“Yeah.” Logan said as he continued to pace. “Get in, get them, get out. Simple.”

“Well,” Leo said, stretching out the word and watching Logan’s eyes snap to him. Yeah, he wasn’t going to like this. “According to Reg, one of Riddle’s flash drives is there too - in a safe in his office. Logan can get Finn, and I can-”

“No.”

“Logan,” Leo sighed, giving him a look. “After we get Finn out, they’ll put that place on lockdown. We won’t get another shot at getting this drive and you know it. Plus Riddle’s not even there right now. It’s the perfect opportunity.”

“When did he even tell you that?” Logan asked, staring at him incredulously. “I don’t remember this at all.”

“That would be because I’ve been texting him this morning because I knew you’d react like this.” Leo rushed to finish his sentence and be heard over Logan’s loud dissent.

“React how? Logically?”

“Over-protectively.” Leo corrected, watching the aggravation return to his pacing again as he grumbled something under his breath. “If we get this drive, that only leaves the ones Lestrange and Riddle have on them. Reg said he could probably grab the one Bellatrix has - he can replace it with the fake I slipped into his pocket at the gala-”

“Nut, you can’t be serious.”

Leo glared at him. “It’s a perfectly solid plan.”

“And it’s dangerous!”

“Are you forgetting what our jobs are?” Leo asked with an incredulous laugh. “Everything we do is dangerous.”

“Leo.”

The blond looked to the laptop, where Sirius and Loops were looking back at him. “Back me up here.”

Remus glanced over at Sirius, then back to Leo. “It’s risky, but if you feel like you can do it-”

“I can.” Leo said, no room for argument. The kid who was nervously drumming his fingers against his thigh and staring off into space before his first mission was long gone, replaced by a calm, confident agent - who still drummed his fingers on a regular basis, but who was self-assured and comfortable with his role. Logan wasn’t exactly sure when that had happened, but he was proud nonetheless - even if he was still terrified.

“When’s Reg going for Lestrange’s drive?” Sirius asked, in a similar state as Logan. Worried, but knowing he was fighting a losing battle. This was happening whether they liked it or not.

“She puts it in the same spot every night before she goes to bed, so he’ll grab it right before we get there when she’s already asleep. If we go really early in the morning - like really early - everyone should be asleep, save for a few.”

“They’re cocky like that,” Sirius added, “No one’s ever been dumb enough to try to break in, so they won’t be as prepared for it.”

Leo frowned, not sure whether to take offense or not. “Thanks?”

“So how long do you think getting into the safe will take?” Remus asked, keeping all of them on track, as usual. The steadiness and predictability calmed Logan down, just a little.

Leo shrugged. “Don’t know, depends on what kind of safe it is. Reg doesn’t know.”

“So you’re going in blind.” Logan finished, anxiety churning in his gut. That calmness had lasted all of three seconds. He didn’t like this. There was so much that could go wrong; it was risky enough sneaking in to get Finn out of there, but adding this on top of it? What if one of them got caught? What if all of them got caught? What if Regulus wasn’t as trustworthy as Sirius claimed? What if they were just walking into another trap?

What if, what if, what if. There were too many variables to this, too much at risk.

He’d never really hated his job before. In the past he’d loved the suspense, the intrigue, the unpredictability. He’d grown up wanting a career that had action and adventure, just like the movies he and his sisters used to watch. Now all the things he used to love were the things that were stressing him out the most. But then, he’d never had partners before - definitely not partners he was halfway in love with.

He was starting to hate this job now.

Leo’s voice brought him back to the conversation. “Not really. It’s either going to be a digital safe or manual. I’d crack a digital safe the same way I cracked the ones at the banks, and manual safes are kind of like giant locks. I just feel for the sticking points and do the math.”

“There’s math?” Sirius asked, looking disgusted. Logan thought back to Finn saying the exact same words, all three of them squished together on the bed with a nature documentary playing in the background, warm and content and relaxed. No stress, no sense of impending disaster, no one missing.

He wanted that again, more than anything.

He felt like this wasn’t the way to do it, though. Which was ironic, seeing that he was the one who usually wanted to be reckless. That was his M.O. - the rough, hotheaded agent who wasn’t afraid to take some risks. He completely changed his tune when those risks endangered his partners.

He couldn’t lose them - either of them. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if...

But arguing against this rescue mission was like leading a horse to water - pointless. The only thing left to do was to prepare. So Logan tuned the conversation out and started planning for every possible outcome he could think of. He wasn’t going to be left just reacting, not this time. He was going into this with every last detail mapped out, every potential misstep accounted for, every contingency plan organized in his head.

He wasn’t going to let anything go wrong. He couldn’t.

***

The alarm Leo and Logan had set was essentially useless, seeing that it found the two of them already awake, going over the plan in their heads. Logan stretched his arm out to shut it off, then rolled over to look at Leo. Blue eyes were already staring back, alight with optimism- a stark contrast to how Logan was feeling. He just hoped tonight wasn’t the night he would be disappointed.

“We’re going to get him back.” The blond said, no sleepiness to his voice as he softly leaned in to kiss Logan sweetly, then more enthusiastically. Logan let himself get lost in it for a while, a heart-wrenching distraction, accepting kiss after excited kiss with a sigh against soft lips. He took the lead a second later, pushing Leo back into the mattress and pressing their chests together, getting as close as he could manage and relaxing into the warmth.

“And then we’ll all be together again.” He added after a while, trying to reassure both Leo and himself as he kissed a dimple and earned a smile, bright in the early-morning darkness. “And we can finally have that talk.”

Leo hummed happily and pulled him down for one last lingering kiss before shimmying his way out from under Logan and getting to his feet, hair an absolute mess from a night of tossing and turning and Logan’s hands. Logan felt strangely proud of himself for that.

“Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.” Leo chanted, dashing to his suitcase to grab clothes. His enthusiasm visibly shown in every action - brushing his teeth, pulling on his shoes, grabbing his tools. Logan soon found himself dressed and ready to go, turning his earpiece on and testing his mic. His gun was loaded and ready, a comforting weight at his hip. Leo’s voice echoed in his ear as he tested his mic, loud and clear. His tools were all packed up and smuggled away in his pockets, determination written across his face.

They were going to get him back.

Logan pulled up the directions to the address Regulus had sent them and they hurried to their car, blasting the heat as high as it would go to try and defrost the windows. The clock read 4:13 am as they pulled out of the hotel parking lot and headed down the street.

The drive was tense with anticipation and nerves and adrenaline. Leo’s leg never stopped bouncing from the passenger’s seat as he stared out the window, clearly lost in thought because it was still pitch black outside - he definitely wasn’t looking at anything. Logan kept his eyes on the road ahead and his thoughts on their mission, going over the details one last time as the navigation app instructed him to turn right.

The building they were infiltrating was on the very outskirts of Slytherin, somewhat secluded and run-of-the-mill. If Logan wasn’t sure this was the right place, he would never have guessed this to be a Snakes’ building. Which was probably exactly what they were going for.

Logan drove straight past the building, continuing down the road for a while until he figured they wouldn’t raise suspicion. He put the car in park, switched the headlights off, then turned to face his partner.

“You ready?”

The resulting grin was luminous. “You know it.”

Logan nodded, nerves gnawing away at his stomach, and got out of the car. He and Leo snuck around to the southeast side of the building where they found a door, the light above it flickering occasionally. Leo sent Logan a look, then rapped on the door with his knuckles twice.

A few seconds passed by, then the door opened silently. Regulus Black stared back at them, face as impassive as always. The two agents stepped inside without another word, watching as Regulus closed the door behind them and locked it before turning to face them again.

“I’ve got Bellatrix’s drive,” he said, so quietly that Leo and Logan had to lean in a little to hear him. “Snagged it about twenty minutes ago and replaced it with the fake. She’ll never know the difference.”

“Perfect.” Leo grabbed Logan’s forearm, eyes bright and intense. “You go get Finn, I’ll grab the drive. Meet you back at the rendezvous.”

Logan still didn’t like the idea. He didn’t like the thought of being separated. “Leo-”

“No one’s out this early, it’ll be the easiest grab of my life. I’ll be careful - I’ll be so careful, Tremz. You gotta trust me.” He pressed their foreheads together briefly and Logan allowed himself that one moment to close his eyes and press back, inhaling deeply. He still smelled like the hotel’s shampoo, clean and citrusy. After all this, Logan didn’t think he’d ever be able to forget the smell - or the memories that came with it. He couldn’t quite figure out if that was a bad thing or not. Because on the one hand, there was stress and kidnappings and hurt. But on the other hand, there was exciting, brand new kisses and falling asleep in his arms and the comfort of just being with him.

“Make it quick, ok?” he said finally, reluctantly leaning away and meeting blue eyes. Leo nodded, giving his hand a squeeze, and turned to set off down the hallway. Logan only allowed himself half a second to look after him - if he watched any longer, he just knew he’d start chasing after him, blindly following an angel and not caring where he was going. He’d probably follow him anywhere, if he could. He faced Regulus again instead, who was looking decidedly awkward. Logan just raised an eyebrow at him and motioned for him to lead the way.

His heart hammered louder and louder the more they walked, excitement and worry and adrenaline snowballing together and making his head spin. He could hear Leo’s quiet breathing through the coms, measured and steady and constant like the tide pushing and pulling against the shore. That, more than anything he tried to tell himself, calmed him down.

They reached a nondescript door and stopped in front of it. Logan glanced at Regulus, then back at the door. This was it. Finn was on the other side of that door. He was a paradoxical combination of excited and terrified of what he’d find on the other side of that door.

“I’m just going to wait out here,” Regulus said, moving so that his back was against the wall. “I’ve already witnessed you all soft and mushy tonight - I don’t think I can handle seeing it again. I’ll keep an eye out from here.”

Logan sent him a grin, incredibly pleased with himself and completely unashamed.

He took one last, deep breath and opened the door.

The sound of the door must have woken Finn, because the first thing Logan saw was the shifting of shoulder and back muscles as the redhead sat up with an annoyed grumble. “What the fuck is so important that you feel the need to wake me up this early?” He demanded, reaching up to further tousle his hair as he swiveled around to face the door. Their eyes locked and Finn froze, staring at him with his mouth agape and wide, wide brown eyes, one of which was blackened and swollen. There was blood at the corner of his mouth, dark and distracting. Logan’s breath left him in a rush, like he’d been the one punched in the face.

“Lo,” Finn whispered, that one syllable barely loud enough to reach Logan’s ears. He sat up straighter in an instant and continued to stare, as if he couldn’t quite believe his eyes. “Logan?”

That was all it took to spur Logan into action. He crossed the room in five quick paces and then he was on his knees in front of Finn, reaching for him hesitantly. Finn practically launched himself at him, arms around his neck and holding tight - almost bruisingly. Logan didn’t care. He’d gladly take the bruises if it meant having his partner in his arms again. It hadn’t even been that long since Logan had seen him, but it felt like an entire lifetime. He hugged Finn closer, probably holding him too tight, before leaning back and looking him over. Frantic hands passed over skin and clothing, feeling for injuries.

“You ok?” He asked, reaching up to tilt Finn’s face so that he could examine the black eye and split lip. Calloused fingers traced gingerly over constellations of freckles, marred by purples and greens and yellows. “God, Finn-”

Finn laughed a little, reaching up to still Logan’s hand and pressing it to his stubbled cheek instead. Logan could feel his smile against his palm and melted. “I’m ok. It looks worse than it actually is, I’m sure.”

You’re still gorgeous, Logan thought as he swiped a thumb across his cheek. He wanted to drown in the sight in front of him. Finn wasn’t great but he was ok and considering the circumstances, that was all Logan could really ask for. He was still livid, of course. And the ones who’d hurt Finn would get what was coming for them. That much he could guarantee.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Finn murmured, still leaning into Logan’s touch. Logan just shook his head firmly, eyes serious. How did Finn expect him to leave him behind? He clearly had no idea just how little they could function without him, the gaping hole he’d left in his absence.

Finn looked over Logan’s shoulder, then back to Logan with worried eyes. “Leo?” He asked and let Logan help him to his feet, favoring his left leg. Logan tightened his grip on his biceps and steadied him before answering.

“Currently? In Riddle’s office cracking a safe.”

Leo’s voice, calm and even, came through the coms. “Tell Finn I said hey.” Logan grinned.

“He says hey.”

Finn looked offended. He leaned closer to the mic Logan was wearing at the collar of his shirt, making the brunet still. The expression on his face - a comical combination of panic and turned-on - made Finn smile as he spoke. “You’re breaking me out of here after I was kidnapped and the only thing you can think of to say is hey?”

“Well, I was planning on saving the sentimental shit for when I actually see you.” Leo said distractedly from his spot on the floor in front of a truly ancient safe, rotating the dial slowly and feeling for the last remaining sticking point. “It’s good to hear your voice, though.”

He heard Logan relay the message to Finn, and then Finn’s resulting coo. Leo laughed under his breath at the sound right as the safe opened with a loud click, opening to reveal nothing inside but a blue and gray flash drive.

“I can’t believe this is the only thing he keeps in a safe like this.” Leo grumbled, reaching forward to make the switch-

Right as the office door opened.

Leo whirled around, slipping the real flash drive into his pocket as he faced whoever had walked in on him.

Unnatural yellow eyes stared back.

And a gun was pointed at his chest.

He could tell Riddle recognized him from the party by the curl of his lips that formed the beginnings of a smile. Cold dread washed over Leo at the bizarre sight. He wasn’t sure anyone had seen the leader of the Snakes smile before. If they did, they hadn’t lived to tell the tale. Leo’s heart raced as all he could do was stand there and stare. His gun sat heavily at his hip, but he knew reaching for it would only speed up the inevitable. He stayed still.

Leo’s partners were still talking over the coms, happy and ignorant of the situation going on right down the hall from them. As Leo stared down the barrel of a gun, he thought maybe it was for the best. Riddle wouldn’t react well to breaking Finn out of here, he knew that much. At least this would be a good distraction - if Riddle was focused on him, he wouldn’t be focused on his partners. Maybe they’d be able to get out of here before Riddle even realized the real reason Leo was in the building.

He’d rather die than give either of them up. He was a little scared at the honesty behind that statement… and the likelihood of it happening much sooner than he’d hoped.

Riddle adjusted his sights without saying a single word, finger against the trigger. Leo sucked in a harsh breath and braced himself.

Bang.