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pomegranate-pen · 1 year

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Hi iv really enjoyed your lackadaisy writing and was wondering if you’d be willing to write dating headcanons for Mordecai Heller?

He’s one of my favorites atm

A/n: hey everyone!! hope you're all having a good day!!! so a lot fo you requested mordecai dating headcanons, so here it is!! this will probably be the last headcanons I'll do, and I'll now stick to writing scenarios while also my main focus being continuing my fanfics. also going to start making up the plot for the potential rocky fic. though that all may come out in summer, since I'm slowly but surely exam seasons. anyways- hope you all enjoy this!!

Mordecai Heller x gn! reader general

-Mordecai is definitely cold toward you the very first time you meet. He will not speak to you about himself or his interests, he will keep the conversations short and straight to the point and he will not care about a single thing you do, only he will be annoyed when you do a task wrong.

-If you’re a regular of sorts, or someone who will become his partner or co-worker, then you’ll learn a few more bits and information about him and if stayed long enough, you will get a few more lines other than orders about what he feels about a certain subject matter or a few other workers around here (mostly complaints about the Savoy siblings, given how much he has to spend time with them on the daily). even then, he merely considers you an acquaintance. And it will take many years and much more meetings for him to see you as a friend. and when it does happen, it is subtle, but the conversations are more apparent, and your opinion on different matters is valued much more.

-Being his lover, however, will take much longer, and needs a much more deal of spending time and getting to know him. Which can be hard given how closed off he is about his life and past. Despite that, it’s not an impossible task. Rather, it’s made extremely difficult due to Mordecai’s own lack of interest in such things, his trust issues, and a bundled amount of feelings of unworthiness towards such a thing as love. He believes he doesn’t need it nor does he deserve it, and he doesn’t mind either of those.

-However, though his feelings are completely uninterested in such matters, that doesn’t mean he won’t fall for someone, which in this case, becomes you after half a decade or so of being friends with him.

-the first to realize their feelings is most likely you. since Mordecai will first assume that his emotions towards you are just ones out of the care and respect he has for you as a friend. If you realize them, you must keep quiet about them for the most part, since Mordecai won’t really understand why there would be such a feeling harboring between you two, and he must process his own feelings himself before accepting yours. When he does realize them, oh boy, it’s rough. He feels guilty for loving you, because he doesn’t trust himself with any intimate relationship. Given how his friendship went with Viktor, he was already extremely hesitant about the idea of another friend, now, a lover and a partner, someone that he needs to trust and share a part of his life with, and they must do with him, is frightening and confusing to say the least. As said before, he doesn’t believe he’s worthy of such things. And now that he wants it from you, he feels like a villain of sorts. Taking something that doesn’t belong to him in the first place.

-It will take quite a few months for him to accept these feelings of his, almost half a year even. You seriously need to be very patient with him, something that he will appreciate the world of when you do. his confession is short, and straight to the point. Though, a few ticks of stress and anxiousness can be seen in him. For example, his ears are twitching here and then, his tail is flicking up and down in his seat and he cannot for the life of him seem to stare at you in the eye for more than three seconds. His words are quick, and his tone is a bit clumsy for a guy like him. at the end of it, the flicks of his tail are quicker in speed, and now, he’s looking straight at you with a hesitant look, as if he’s regretting the confession already a second after it’s done.

-He’s calmed down and surprised when you do accept his confession, and he’d not know what to do at that point. he’d nod his head, clear his throat, and thank you. “very well then,” his ears twitched a bit. “ I suppose we’d have to…plan a date now?”

-It takes him some time, but with some help from yours, he finds, in his opinion, the true meaning of dating someone. It is not about dates and being over the top like he presumed, yet it is a way of spending time and enjoying each other’s presence, and being loyal to one another for more than anyone else.

-So as you can guess, dates are quite rare. He never sees the point in it, though if you want such an activity to happen every once in a while, perhaps with a bit of pleading and coaxing you’ll get him to begrudgingly get time out of his day to do such things with you. yet, even though he seems annoyed by the entire occasion at first, you find him calm and even smiling at some point the more time you spend with him on the said dates.

His love language is spending time with one another. Though at the start of the relationship, miscommunication will be common, since Mordecai isn't one to speak about his feelings, if you try your best to tackle it healthily, your relationship with him will be all about communication and it will be the very reason why it’s so strong at the end of it all. It also makes him see communication as the most important part of the relationship, so he’s completely honest, brutally so at times.

--The love language he’d like to receive most is the same, though he does get a bit flustered anytime you use words of affirmation and compliment him, then quickly denies your compliments or thanks you for them.

-Not at all a PDA person, nor is he a physically affectionate guy in private either. He doesn’t like physical contact, either finding it too stuffy or too warm for his liking and just not being in much of a mood for it most times. Though, if in a situation you truly seem like you need a warm embrace or a hand to hold, he wouldn’t mind giving that to you, though he’ll be a bit flustered and quiet the entire time while doing so. He wouldn’t ever say this out loud, but his favorite act of affection from you is when you kiss or peck his cheek. It's surprising to him and it makes him melt a bit, being treated with such softness is quite rare in his life, so he doesn’t know what to do when you peck him, but his heart is beating so fast he can’t focus. He could only look at you in shock and touch the cheek you have kissed in instinct. Give him a forehead kiss and you’ll have an extremely quiet Mordecai awaiting you. he’s processing every second of that quick kiss and he’s speechless by how much it moved him.

-Word about your relationship will never spread out, since Mordecai is extremely private about such things. No one realizes you two are dating unless one of you says so. The only ones who do notice by connecting the dots themselves are the Savoy siblings and Viktor.

-Whether you like it or not, information about Mordecai’s family will mostly never be revealed. You’ll most likely just know that he has two sisters, but that is all he will ever tell you. and in fairness, he never tries to force you to speak about yours either, so it’s a mutual agreement at times to just avoid the topic unless it is deemed necessary by a dangerous circumstance to be said.

-He doesn’t have many hobbies, but if you still try to enjoy a few things he does such as reading the same book he has on his shelves, you’ll be met with a cautiously excited and info-dumping Mordecai who starts debates and discussions with you about which part of the books you enjoyed and detested.

-He’ll try to indulge a bit in a few hobbies you have as well, but he’ll probably not get much invested in them. Though, he still sees it as a worthy journey, since in the end you were smiling and excited when explaining things to him.

-Mordecai feels much more comfortable ranting to you than anyone else. So most times when he comes back from work for the day and has a weekend to look forward to, he spends that time drinking tea with you while speaking about anything and nothing that is on his mind. Treat this like it was diamonds in a mine full of charcoal. because not everyone has the luck to meet this side of Mordecai Heller. He’s more expressive when he’s with you, more open with his emotions, which means the level of trust he has with you is most than anyone else’s.

He’ll listen to all your rants and complaints as well, and if needed, he will give honest advice for your problems. Don’t expect any comfort, though. Because he isn't the best one for such things and he makes that clear all the time before you start your rant.

-Wherever you live, whether it's in a separate apartment from his or if you’ve moved in with him, it will be extremely clean. Whether it’s because of his actions or yours, a completely clean and tidied-up house becomes the absolute norm in your life. If you were one who never really cared about those things, well, you will have to at some point for his sake, since he’s always extremely uncomfortable in messy areas.

-Mordecai Heller loves you, but he won’t ever verbally say it. yet, you’ll always know that, because his actions speak much louder than words ever can, and you understand every word he's saying when he’s making tea for you or asking about your day, speaking to you on the daily or just sitting next to you. you know he loves you, and you know he loves you back. and perhaps, that is why this relationship worked in the first place. It will have its hardships, yes, but like any other relationship, it doesn’t mean it won’t have its good moments either.

#lackadaisy mordecai x reader #lackadaisy mordecai #lackadaisy x reader #lackadaisy #fanfiction #x reader #headcanons #mordecai heller x reader #lackadaisy mordecai heller x reader

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allsadnshit · 2 years

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hi izzy im 22 and i have a family history of endo and have been experiencing frightening symptoms and i dont really know who else to talk to in this regard and i hope this isnt rude to send. i am just curious how u went about getting ur diagnosis and what u think are some good first steps for someone experiencing these things. my mom spent a lot of time on a lot of endless painkillers as i was growing up. and im very afraid of reproductive care bc of how archaic it is! love you thank you <3 theres no need to answer if u feel this is too invasive, i appreciate ur time

It's honestly a head start that you already know you have a family history of endo! Although diagnosis is still difficult to get considering surgery is the only official way to get one...you're honestly much more likely to be recommended a surgeon etc if you have your families medical records with it! So that's really good!

Unfortunately I will say for myself and the people I know personally with endo, getting excision surgery wasn't a relief for symptoms as it has often been advertised for some people, so in terms of pain management I don't want to be getting more surgeries myself so I wouldn't tell anyone else too either! That's a pretty personal choice considering risks and recovery, so you will have to think on that pretty seriously if you think excision could help you and make sure you are looking into what the hospitals near you offer.

For myself, diagnosis was really important since I don't have my moms medical records to assist me with understanding my health. I don't think I could be where I am at recovery, management, or socially without having the official diagnosis from laparoscopy so that was really important to me, even though diagnosis didn't do anything for me in terms in qualifying for disability or anything like that! Unfortunately with the medical system you need that paper trail if you plan to do anything in the hospital system in the future, so I am ultimately glad I got my diagnosis even though it hasn't changed things for me in terms of lifestyle or pain.

If you want to start with an obgyn, that's what most people do! And they probably won't let you talk to a specialist before you rule out the basics with getting scans and blood tests first to confirm they can't more easily see why you are in so much pain. But even if your obgyn doesn't help you, you can at least search for a surgeon after that initial intake process being able to say "I already had tests and scans done, it was inconclusive, so I need to move towards surgery for diagnosis".

Obviously I won't have a solution or answer for the broader scope of what to do because even if you do have endo, it's dynamic and can affect people so differently that it really isn't a one size fits all. If anything, I really really do NOT recommend going on any form of hormone or birth control for pain management no matter how hard it's pushed on you. I really don't believe in that method and it's another way to cover up symptoms rather than getting to the root of healing or understanding.

The biggest changes for me have come with lifestyle: changing my diet to healthier less processed options which means not eating out 90% of the time and cooking with really good quality ingredients, getting a nutritionalist who's worked with endo before, cutting back on manual labor working hours, and processing the trauma of chronic illness in therapy and pin pointing places in my life that need my attention or serious over haul for me to rebalance my stress. Stress and endo are soooo tied together because it's hormone effected so it absolutely cannot be overlooked.

Sorry to hear you are suffering in this way! I no longer take any pain medication because of a similar fear. I recommend tiger balm muscle rub lotion on your lower back, getsomedays cramp cream on your front, and a hot rice heating pad on top for pain relief + drink water + sleep well at all costs. It's a marathon not a race!

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theowldetective · 6 years

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The above snippet is from the audition sides for Pappy Joe. It was originally supposed to happen right before the train animation. Obviously this line didn't make it to official canon, but it's still a glimpse into Jacobs's & Nelson's intentions as writers. It's a "peek under the hood," as it were, at the ideas they were playing with as they wrote the episode.

The primary point of the Texas Trilogy was that it was the first volley of heavy narrative artillery in terms of actually changing the status quo of the show, especially re: the romance arcs. The romantic status quo is severely threatened by the events of the Texas trilogy. Texas 1-2-3 is the first attempt to actually change the romantic status quo rather than simply hint at it, although that status quo partially reasserts itself in GMT3. [2018 Edit: this is SO LONG. It’s kind of a compendium of stuff I said in answers to asks, but I figured I’d let y’all have it even though it kinda trails off at the end. It’s also got old audition sides as a means of trying to discern what the writers’ intent may have been despite the cuts, and at this point I’m not stressed about posting them. Just add a mental “may have” in parts where I’m talking about the sides and skipped/forgot the caveat. There’s a lot of repetition, probably more than is necessary for the emphasis I was going for, but since I’ll probably never get around to actually editing this thing it’s all kind of a moot point now anyway...enjoy under the cut.]

I’m so exhausted by people who think the suggestion that the Texans and Riley may not have been entirely in the right to encourage Lucas onto the back of a 2,000 pound bull which could have easily killed or maimed him is tantamount to “hate.” If MAYA had been the one to push Lucas onto Tombstone while Riley took the other side, I would say exactly the same things I say now about the scene, only with the girls reversed. This is not about “making Riley look bad” because of ships. That’s major over-simplification of the situation.

Riley is not a villain by any stretch of the imagination, not in Texas, not ever. Not unlike her father when he was younger (and her mother, for that matter), Riley is simply an oft-misguided, insecure, overly-idealistic CHILD with the very best of intentions. (Yes, I consider 12-13 year-olds to be children, especially when they’re as naive as Riley.) Anyone who ascribes villainy, guile, or malice to Riley Matthews (or any of the kids) is IMO willfully misunderstanding her characterization. If you think I am ascribing any of those characteristics to her, then you are misunderstanding me.

Riley is not a monster. She believes the best of everybody (especially of Lucas) and that’s great on a base level, but she doesn't temper that attitude with realism as much as she should...which is why she needs Maya (and Farkle). Riley is also very easily influenced by the opinions of others (despite her growth in that department), and she regresses quite a bit on that front when taken out of her usual environment and dropped into Texas. Lucas also regresses in Texas in terms of caring about what other people say. Maya, however, does not. She’s still the most secure person in the room at the rodeo.

The Texas trilogy is nuanced as heck, and when you boil it down to Riley = bad and Maya = good (or vice versa), I think you're missing the point. But hey, most of my discussion on the matter has been limited to asks which I usually dash off pretty quickly, which means I’m not necessarily being as precise as I perhaps ought to be. If I haven’t made myself CRYSTAL clear about this, that’s on me. (Not to mention that my views on this whole thing have evolved over time and with temperance, so I know I’ve said things on the matter that I no longer stand by). So once and for all, here's my comprehensive, definitive take on Riley, Maya, and Lucas in Texas 1.

"When you see how other people live, it changes you." --Cory Matthews, GMT1

The girls "switch roles" in Texas. That’s what changes. Most people probably think this happened after Riley “stepped back,” but it actually began well before that. And what are their roles? Well, let's take another peek under the hood, back in the classroom again:

This bit comes right after Riley was going to say she’s headed to Texas too because she’s responsible for the situation and she wants to make sure Lucas comes back okay (in case you ever wondered whose idea this whole thing was in the first place; as if there was ever any doubt). It also comes right after a bit where Pappy Joe was holding Lucas over his shoulder while Lucas tried to escape.

(Lucas’s resistance to riding the bull is even stronger in the sides than what we got in the actual episode. There’s a slight GM Gravity callback too. Cory asks Pappy Joe, “Can we talk about this?” and then Lucas says “Mr. Matthews is right, we should talk about this.” To which Pappy Joe says, “Plenty of time for talking on the train!” It’s still pretty clear in the episode as it aired that Lucas is pretty much only doing this for Pappy Joe and not really for himself...but we’ll get to that in a minute). Here’s what we actually got though:

This is NOT the attitude of a boy who is raring to go down to Texas and ride Tombstone the Bull. Lucas is so intimidated by his grandfather that he would rather ride a bull than defy Pappy Joe's wishes. He didn't ride Tombstone because he wanted to. He rode Tombstone because he felt like he HAD to.

Notice also in the cut parts of the sides that Cory was going to get explicit credit for helping Lucas change for the better in an trilogy where Lucas eventually singles Riley out and appears to give her all the credit for his survival in NYC...even though Lucas owes just as much gratitude to the other kids and Cory as he does to Riley, and normally he says as much. But we’ll also get to that.

Anyway, point is: in the sides Riley self-identifies to Pappy Joe as "Lucas's girl. Maya self-identifies as "I make fun of him" and with being responsible for Riley. Those are still their “official” roles, despite the higher and higher-key romantic shift that's been happening all season. "I'm his girl" and "I make fun of him" is still technically the status quo for Riley & Maya + Lucas, despite the growing high-key romantic intensity between Lucas and Maya (and Riley and Farkle, for that matter, in timeline order), and despite the near total lack of anything resembling growing romance (by Jacobsland standards) between Lucas and Riley for most of S2 in terms of how they actually treat each other.

My best guess is that these lines were cut because they had a lot to pack into these episodes and the audience is already pretty darn aware of what the status quo was "supposed" to be when it comes to the girls and their respective relationships with Lucas. They actually cut most of the original Pappy Joe/classroom scene, probably because most of it was just set-up for all the kids getting permission to go to Texas, which we don’t really need to see to get into the heart of the story.

It's notable that Pappy Joe was going to say "Well so do I!" re: making fun of Lucas. Because the DIFFERENCE in Pappy Joe's (and the locals') taunting of Lucas versus Maya teasing Lucas is that they apparently MEAN IT and she doesn't. But she doesn't understand that until she gets to Texas and sees how these other people live. Anyway, in Texas, the girls shift and switch roles, essentially. They change when they see how other people live. (Farkle too, but this post isn’t about him). Riley becomes the person who makes fun of Lucas and who believes he’s a disgrace to the community so he HAS to ride the bull, Maya acts more like you’d expect “his girl” to act.

The shift of the girls' role reversal in terms of Lucas is more gradual than people realize, I think. It doesn't happen suddenly in the refreshment tent. It doesn't even start in Texas—it's built up in the preceding episodes too, allllll of them really, but especially SoL forward. Texas is the first major turning point for the status quo after the groundwork that’s been laid in the preceding episodes.

At the house before the rodeo, we get the "you both look good" bit, which puts BOTH girls in the "Lucas's girl" slot, and then, outside the refreshment tent, Riley mocks Lucas just as much as Maya does for being afraid of a "man-cow," which puts BOTH of them in the "I make fun of him" slot. Of course the shift is already underway, a little: at the house, Maya has the ha-hurr moment with Cletus (and Lucas just lets her), and outside the tent Riley actually mocks Lucas a little harder than Maya does.

But in effect, both girls take on both roles for these two scenes. There's a moment of near-equilibrium, as it were—with both girls filling both roles—before the full-on switch in the tent. Lucas treats them both like "his girl" at the house, and they BOTH make fun of him outside the refreshment tent. But from there? They keep going and they swap their usual roles.

"I just think you'll react differently when you actually see a man-cow!" --Lucas Friar, GMT1

The tipping point for the swap happens when the danger of bull-riding becomes more apparent to Riley and Maya, who were clueless beforehand because they weren't taking the darn hint. When the danger becomes more apparent to the girls, they don't react the way they normally would in New York. By the time the rodeo comes around, both girls have changed a bit in terms of how they treat Lucas after seeing how other people live, after seeing how OTHER PEOPLE perceive and treat Lucas here in Texas. But becoming more hip to the danger catalyzes the switch even more.

New York Riley vs Texas Riley

New York Riley, who vehemently said it was NOT OKAY for Billy to call Farkle a "nothing" over his childhood turtlenecks, who took over her father's class to run an anti-bullying workshop when someone went after Farkle, who would normally NEVER EVER stand for anyone to drag ANY of her friends down over something from their childhood, who would normally NEVER make fun of Lucas (except that one time in GM Pluto, when Lucas scolds her for it), well...that aspect of New York Riley just isn't there in Texas. Cory’s cut line, “There goes everything we’ve ever taught you” (after Riley goes all Southern for the first time ever in the sides) seems apt in light of this, because Texas Riley reacts to Lucas being bullied as a “disgrace” WAY differently than New York Riley reacted to Farkle being bullied as a “nothing.”

Texas Riley makes fun of Lucas along with the locals. And she keeps it up even after she sees other bull riders getting flung around like rag dolls on the monitors. She’s not reacting differently now that she’s actually seen a man-cow, and she still doesn’t think Lucas is in any real danger as long as he just tells her he’s not. That’s one aspect of New York Riley which remains intact in Texas: her unrealistic idealization of Lucas. Riley basically figures there’s nothing to worry about because her “hero” can do “anything.” This is not a rational or realistic way to view a normal eighth grade boy, which is what Lucas actually is. This is idealization and naivete. I’m not bashing Riley for that. Being idealistic and naive is just who she is for the most part, especially when it comes to Lucas. And that was fine when she was pushing him to run for class president. Downright adorable, even. It’s less cute when she’s pushing him into a life-or-death stunt mostly because of what other people are (wrongly) saying about him. (Riley’s concept of healthy, emotionally substantial romantic heroism is pretty warped, tbh, but that’s another post)

Texas Riley doesn't defend Lucas from people calling him a disgrace over something that happened TO him as a CHILD the way New York Riley defended Farkle in GM Flaws, the way she would certainly defend Lucas if anyone back in New York ever called him a “disgrace.” When Lucas tries to say that he's NOT a disgrace, Riley shoots back with "You are! I've been talking to people..." as opposed to "It's not okay that someone called you that!" (And we all know that even if she'd "talked to people" in GM Flaws, there's STILL no way she'd have said anything like "you are!" to Farkle being a “nothing” just because other people said he was). Farkle was not ACTUALLY a “nothing who didn’t deserve his friends” just because Billy said so. Lucas is not ACTUALLY a disgrace just because these yokels say so and he shouldn’t have had to pull a stupid stunt to “prove” otherwise.

And while some people might want to play that “you are!” moment off as a pure joke, as Riley only “teasing” Lucas no-big-deal, this ignores the fact that Riley is essentially backing up the people who MEAN IT when they call Lucas a disgrace, and they’re ignoring Lucas’s seriously hurt reaction (seriously, go watch it and LOOK at him, he’s totally wounded by Riley telling him he’s a disgrace to the community. Lucas sure as hell didn’t take it as a joke). Lucas is wounded by what Riley says, and Maya is shocked (horrified, even) that Riley is basically backing up this disgrace thing. Maya stopped teasing Lucas after she realized people meant it, she didn’t want to back them up anymore; she reacted differently when she actually saw a man-cow.

In Texas, Riley’s insecurity regarding what other people think comes back big time, despite her marked growth in that arena (confronting her bully alone, for example). She truly believes that what these complete strangers think matters enough for Lucas to risk serious injury or death just to prove a point to them. (Granted, she also thinks Lucas isn’t in any real danger because she’s not being realistic about the situation...this is more nuanced than Riley just plain not caring, okay?)

Riley reinforcing rather than dismissing what other people think contributes to bringing back Lucas’s insecurity about what other people think too. Riley calls Lucas a disgrace to the community, the waitress mocks him...and, well...I think that’s the moment when Lucas decides he HAS to ride the bull. He was only doing it for Pappy Joe before, and even then he was wavering and not happy about it. He agreed with Maya not wanting him “anywhere near that bull.” He asked the girls why they hated him. He was PISSED OFF at being forced into this situation from the very start, even though he was gonna go through with it, probably. But once Riley tells him he’s a disgrace to the community and that waitress “baa-aa-a”s at him, Lucas doesn’t think he has any choice. He HAS to do it.

(That’s also the exact moment Maya’s appeal is officially doomed, btw, because she’s not in a position to appeal to Lucas with complete honesty about why she doesn’t want him to do this...and complete honesty is probably the only way she could’ve stopped him once the “disgrace” thing was on the table. She might have had a chance before, but not after that. The bull ride becomes absolutely inevitable when it becomes about the Riley’s perception of him & the disgrace thing for Lucas instead of just Pappy Joe alone.)

In Texas, Riley essentially sides with the Texas people in terms of what she thinks Lucas needs to do and why. And why would Riley do this? Why would she buy into these problematic Texas values about shame and honor and childhood sheep-riding after everything her New York parents have taught her? Why has Riley decided that falling off of a sheep as little boy means you should risk your neck on the back of Tombstone the Bull?

Well, again, it’s partly because she’s convinced that Lucas can do anything because she idealizes him as a “hero who can do anything he wants” even in the face of possible injury or death. It’s also possible that Riley bought into those “Texas values” because she wasn't really fitting in with the Texas crowd the way she probably wanted to, because she’s supposed to be “Lucas’s girl.” (Remember, she was originally going to bust out a Southern accent for the first time ever when Pappy Joe asked if she was “Lucas’s girl.”) It’s likely that Riley realllly wants to fit into this aspect of Lucas’s life. But she doesn’t really. Not at first, anyway. This made it to canon a little bit with the Maya + Cletus ha-hurr scene (watch Riley’s face, she’s totally baffled by Lucas and Cletus), but again, let’s take peek under the hood, this time in the refreshment tent:

With this + the Cletus bit + what we know of Riley’s insecurity issues, it’s not exactly a stretch to conclude that perhaps Riley is buying into what the Texas people say Lucas HAS to do because shes’ feeling insecure about something...perhaps her position as “Lucas’s girl.” She’s been feeling that way on some level since at least the blonde beauty reveal, if not before (Lucas has done absolutely NOTHING to fix this, btw, and the “you both look good” bit definitely didn’t help). I’m not standing by this part 100%, but I think it’s worth mentioning as a possibility. So…why DID Riley throw in with the Texans? Why did she buy into the idea that it was rational for the locals to mock and shame and call Lucas a “disgrace” over something that happened to him as a child? Back home, Riley would NEVER stand for anyone to talk about her friends like that, but in Texas she reaffirms the locals’ ridiculous opinion rather than slamming it the way she did when Billy called Farkle a “nothing." So again…why? Well, perhaps it’s because she REALLY wanted to fit in in Texas. And the rodeo waitress made it clear that she didn’t. I kinda wish they’d kept that bit of dialogue because I think it would be a pretty clear-cut case of Riley’s Insecurity Strikes Again. (Especially what with Maya “Annie Oakley” Hart apparently fitting right in; which kinda makes sense what with finding out in S3 that Katy’s from Arkansas.)

Maybe it’s also because the last time her idealization of Lucas pushed him into something he wasn’t sure he could do, he succeeded and wound up taking her on a princess fantasy horsey ride.

But of course, running for class president is a far cry from riding a 2,000 pound bull.

Going against Maya, Riley has taken the side of the people who mock Lucas and MEAN IT, even if her reasons for doing so have more to do with her misguided & idealistic belief that he's a "hero who can do anything" than with actually point blank AGREEING with the locals. But there’s waaaaay more to it than Riley’s idealism or her “heroic” visions of Lucas, or her possibly wanting to fit into Texas life as “Lucas’s girl.” This next bit is what I would call “the whammy.” Let's go back to the classroom, before the kids headed out to Texas, for yet another peek under the hood:

Now, this idea didn't make it to explicitly stated canon either, but anyone watching the show with even half their brain functioning can understand that Texas Riley has essentially bought into this particular aspect of "stereotypical cultural reductionism." Texas Riley has, to an extent, bought into the Texas values that canon somewhat implied (and the early draft confirms) gave Lucas his temper in the first place. There's definitely more than a bit of an implication here that Riley believes the bull ride and subsequently "earning" Pappy Joe's pride/love and not being a “disgrace” anymore is going to "fix" Lucas's temper, which (let's face it) is a VERY Riley thing to believe. (And from a literary standpoint, mastering a bull as a metaphor for mastering anger/temper issues is pretty on the nose even if it ultimately doesn’t work out that way...)

So, OF COURSE Riley would encourage a stunt that she quite possibly believes will "fix" those issues and officially make Lucas the "hero she ‘knows’ he is" to everyone else. Here’s his chance to show everybody that he’s not “different than [Riley] thinks.” If Lucas can ride this bull, then *poof* he’s not a “disgrace to the community” anymore and *poof* his temper is fixed! *Poof* Lucas is exactly who Riley always thought he was and all that stuff she was upset about in Secret of Life and Rileytown goes away! (Yes, she WAS upset to find out that Lucas might not be what she thought, but I don’t have time for that argument right now because this post is already a novella).

Riley doesn't want that other part of Lucas to exist. She's tried to wallpaper over it with the vet thing, she's tried to scold it away. She wants it GONE. And hey, Lucas does too, unrealistic as that may be. It’s something he struggles to control. It’s not easy for him. Riley’s intentions are nothing but good! She.is.not.a.villain. She probably thinks this bull ride is going to HELP LUCAS FIX A PROBLEM. This is CLASSIC “fixer” Riley mode! But Riley is not being realistic on this front, because you cannot simply wallpaper over major parts of your personality by overcorrecting in the other direction and pretending/trying to be "Mr. Perfect the Hero." (The "Mr. Perfect" persona is as much an overcorrection as Donnie Barnes, Morotia M. Black, and S3 Maya "becoming Riley.") Riding a bull isn’t actually going to solve a decade or so of built-up issues. Riding a bull may help you face your fears, but Lucas wasn’t exactly a super-fearful guy in the first place...except when it comes to Maya. So of course it’s massively ironic that the bull ride is probably a huge part of what gave Lucas the confidence to push Maya to admit her feelings at the campfire even though he knows she doesn’t like to be pushed and he’s terrified of her. There’s a reason Maya was associated with Tombstone at the end of Texas 2.

And of course (mild spoilers ahead), the bull ride does NOT ultimately "fix" Lucas's temper, as you'll see Riley discover in GMHS1...

Even though she scolded Pappy Joe for mocking Pappy McCullough, Riley (for reasons and potential reasons detailed above) totally bought into the idea that Lucas needed to risk life and limb to "make up for" falling off of Judy, to earn his grandfather’s pride, as if falling off of a sheep is something to be ashamed of in the first place, as if anyone should have to risk their life & limb for their grandfather to be proud of them. And her original line called this out explicitly rather than simply heavily implying it via subtext as happened in official canon:

In short, Riley changes after “seeing how other people live” by making fun of Lucas in tandem with people who mean it, and by buying into the idea that he should pull a life-threatening stunt to prove to these people that he’s not a disgrace, that he is rather the “hero” she believes he is. She reverts to “caring too much what other people think,” basically. She buys into and reinforces the problematic aspects of “Texas values” that gave Lucas his temper to begin with, possibly because she thinks fulfilling the edicts of those values will fix Lucas’s temper, among other things. What doesn’t change is her idealization of Lucas, as well as her desire to help fix things when she thinks she knows how to fix them, which are normally nowhere near as problematic as they are in this specific situation, which is a life or death (or major injury) situation.

New York Maya vs Texas Maya

On the flip side you've got Maya, who was gleefully "ba-a-a-ing" at Lucas in New York, who was grinning like a fool when Pappy Joe first showed up and started going on and on about the "mud hole," who normally mocks Lucas with aplomb...but in Texas, Maya is NOT OKAY with the fact that the locals ACTUALLY believe Lucas is a disgrace. When she sees that they MEAN IT, she is DONE with their bull feces. It changes her. She stops mocking Lucas and unconditionally supports him as a person who is worthy of people being proud of him REGARDLESS of what happened to him as a kid (which would normally be more of a Riley thing, lbr, although this is not the first time Maya has shown unconditional support for Lucas as-is, see SoL). Even though Maya makes fun of Lucas in New York, she has never really meant it—teasing Lucas is a facade for New York Maya to hide her feelings. (And this is made explicit canon by Riley's realization in GMT1&2 as well as Maya's "it's my facade" line in GMT3).

New York Maya mocks Lucas mercilessly even though she doesn't really mean it, but Texas Maya perceives that the locals MEAN IT when they mock Lucas and she is NOT COOL with that. Maya does NOT buy into the Texas values that apparently gave Lucas his temper issues in the first place, to any extent. Rather, she wants him to buck those problematic values. She wants him to take off that stupid outfit and get out of here.

What’s going on with Maya is a lot simpler than what’s going on with Riley. Maya sees Lucas as a normal boy who could very well get hurt, who is great as-is, who shouldn’t put himself in such serious danger just because of what other people are saying. She also doesn’t see his temper as a problem to be solved or erased, to her, it’s just a part of him that he has to keep under control and only deploy for the right reasons. (Hell, the moment Maya emotionally falls for Lucas whether she realized it or not is most likely GM Sneak Attack, when he’s a total prick to Missy, who totally deserves it, and he didn’t even get remotely violent for that one.) When you set Riley up as the plain, black & white photo negative reverse of that, without accounting for all the complex REASONS she’s on the opposite side of Maya on this...it does make Riley look pretty bad. But that’s why I took pains to spool out the NUANCES of what may have been up with Riley in Texas in this post. Riley is only misguided, insecure, and naive. She is not being maliciously cruel when she calls Lucas a disgrace to the community. She is not purposefully knocking him down to build him up, although that is in effect what she does.

In short, Maya stops making fun of Lucas, and expresses implicit unconditional pride in who Lucas is when she “sees how other people live.” But what doesn’t change is how confident she is. Maya is absolutely secure in the idea that Lucas is great as-is and that he should not have to risk life & limb to prove anything to anyone. What she loses is her grip on hiding her feelings as much as possible (which, unlike Riley’s self-confidence, has actually been weakening prior to this episode, largely because of the stuff Lucas has been initiating with Maya, and possibly because she’s been daring to hope).

More from the GM Flaws perspective...

Lucas isn’t “better” in New York because he busted out grand gestures like princess fantasy horsey rides and asking Cory for permission to take Riley on a date. People change people, and there is simply no logical reason to believe that “New York” Lucas picked up not caring what other people think from Insecure Riley Who Cares Too Much What People Think. Riley definitely 100% inspired Lucas’ desire to change his ways: her appeal to Lucas in the cafeteria in GM Sneak Attack pulls him away from Missy and over to Riley’s side of the line, and he certainly tries his damnedest to live up to her idealized vision of him between Friendship & Secret of Life after jettisoning “the rebel” shadowing him...although it starts to fall apart after SoL because again: just like the other kids, Lucas needs balance, not overcorrection.

But even though Riley as the inspiration for Lucas to change must be acknowledged, Maya is clearly the person from whom Lucas picked up the practical application of owning yourself and not caring what other people think. It’s not exactly a stretch to conclude that picking up Maya’s self-confidence is an important part of what helped Lucas to largely overcome the temper issues he’s had as a result of his failure with Judy and the subsequent shaming he endured at the hands of his family and the locals. Picking that confidence up from Maya is just as important to Lucas’s growth as Riley inspiring Lucas to commit to change in the first place. (Maya also changes Riley in terms of growing to care less what other people think. All four of them have changed each other, and none of them would be what they are now without all of the others.) And people who honestly believe Maya’s "No! That’s what he wants! He wants you to be like him!” didn’t have a serious effect on Lucas in GM Flaws...I don’t even know what to say to y’all anymore. Riley did absolutely NOTHING when Lucas was about to pop Billy. MAYA was the one who slowed him down and made him stop. Did he calm all the way down to being as peaceful as a lamb? Nah. He was still pissed, and rightfully so. But Maya is the one who actually physically stopped Lucas from going too far in Flaws. Granted, she’s also the one who inspired him to nearly hit Billy in the first place, but she sees the error of encouraging that behavior and then does something about it. (Just like Lucas did for her earlier in the episode).

Riley and Lucas are a LOT alike. When Lucas goes back to his original environment in Texas, and after his go-to-ego-booster-Riley reinforces what other people are saying rather than calling bullshit...New York Lucas kinda disappears. Gone is the boy who delivers passionate, sincere speeches about not succumbing to what other people say you are. Gone is the boy who didn’t think he was actually a disgrace to the community. In his place is a very insecure boy who, because of what other people are saying, believes he MUST risk his life and limb by riding the fiercest bull around. And Riley reacts pretty much the SAME WAY to that stimuli...probably because she's a lot like Lucas. Maya, however, does not. Riley shakes Lucas’s confidence in himself, she shakes his confidence in the idea that he is NOT actually a disgrace, before she “builds him up” in terms of being able to ride the bull because he’s a “hero.” Maya wanted Lucas to be the guy she knows in New York, who doesn’t care so much what other people think in the first darn place.

Interestingly, it was Maya who delivered the equivalent of the "You are..." line to Farkle in GM Flaws. She meant it in a good way, but she was still kinda sorta reinforcing the negative crap Billy was saying to Farkle. Maya was saying that being “weird” is okay for Farkle as long as he has self-confidence and owns it. But that doesn’t get Farkle to come back to class. Maya is not a monster or a villain for that “you are” moment any more than Riley is monster or a villain for HER "you are" moment with Lucas in Texas. Maya was trying to help Farkle. Riley was trying to help Lucas. This isn't about who's "good" and who's "bad," it's simply about the DIFFERENCES in how the girls interact with, perceive, and feel about the boys, and how all of that affects whatever situation they’re in. It's about how seeing the way people act in Texas changes the way the girls normally act. That's it.

Lucas was essentially bullied (by the locals, Pappy McCullough, and Pappy Joe) onto the back of that bull just as much as Farkle was bullied into the janitor's closet. Pappy Joe was originally going to CARRY A PROTESTING LUCAS OUT OF THE CLASSROOM OVER HIS SHOULDER. Lucas was pissed off about being roped into the bull ride from the get-go even without the cuts to these scenes. Lucas didn't ride Tombstone because he wanted to "fulfill his dreams." Not one blessed word is spoken by ANYONE about this stunt being about Lucas’s “rodeo dreams,” which he gave up long before this episode. Lucas doesn’t even mention his “dreams” in EITHER of his grateful speeches to Riley. Lucas rode Tombstone because he felt like he had no choice but to prove he could, so people would stop calling him a "disgrace" for something that happened to him as a little boy, so he could “earn” the openly expressed love of his grandfather which OUGHT TO BE unconditional.

Lucas doesn't even keep the trophy, which is saying something for a dude as hyper-competitive as he is. He doesn't even sit there ADMIRING the trophy the way Farkle and Zay do back at the house. And he very pointedly takes a knee to reassure Timmy that it's OKAY that he fell off Judy—it's pretty clear Lucas is trying to prevent Timmy being as negatively affected by his childhood failure as Lucas was. And, with the Timmy/Lucas moment, the writers are pretty clearly letting us know that it was WRONG for Lucas to be treated so badly over the Judy thing to begin with. Lucas does for Timmy what NO ONE did for him, aside from Maya when it was already too late. What feeling was associated with being bullied, for both Riley and Farkle? Humiliation. Here are the stage directions for Lucas’s little chat with Timmy:

And what’s really interesting is that THIS is the moment that the Friars and the McCulloughs bury the hatchet. Pappy Joe and Pappy McCullough shake hands AFTER Lucas tries to save Timmy from a childhood full of shame just for falling off a sheep. Lucas’s bull ride didn’t end the feud, Lucas taking a knee and reassuring Timmy ended the feud. Lucas just being a GOOD GUY ended the feud. That was all Lucas ever truly needed to be to begin with, and he didn’t actually need to be bullied onto the back of a bull for that.

Dreamers + Realists

After the danger becomes apparent to Maya in Texas, she is 100% done with the BS. Maya gets hip to the danger when she sees the bulls on the monitors. Riley idealizes Lucas the “Hero” so much that doesn’t think there’s any real danger until she sees Tombstone in person. Maya ends up delivering a version of Riley's "it's not okay" line from GM Flaws with, "You're not proud of him if he doesn't do this?" It's very clear that Maya thinks it is NOT OKAY for people to be calling Lucas a disgrace (and meaning it) to begin with, and she thinks it's absolutely NUTS for him to risk his life and/or limb to "prove" he's not. To Maya, Lucas's safety was more important than what these people (wrongly) believed about Lucas. She was more worried about his safety than what anyone thought. She doesn't have Lucas up on a pedestal in terms of her conception of him, she doesn't believe he can ride this bull safely just because he (very insecurely) says he can. She has been given EVERY REASON to believe that Lucas is going to get seriously hurt or killed by riding Tombstone. She is not being “dramatic.” The danger was real. (And it’s hammered home over and over and over again, from “Death is the difference!” until the moment of the bull ride itself.)

Maya wants Lucas to be realistic and SAFE. She wants him to NOT CARE so much about what these people are saying. She doesn't want Lucas to be so affected by what other people are saying about him. She believes those people are WRONG to call him a “disgrace” at all, and she is right about that. She wants Lucas to BUCK this objectively problematic aspect of “Texas values,” which apparently/may have gave him his temper to begin with. And she doesn't need or want Lucas to pull a life-threatening stunt or "be a hero" just because of the awful things people are saying. She doesn’t think these peoples’ problematic and wrong opinions are worth Lucas taking such a massive risk. She wants him to think realistically, not idealistically. Here’s another little snippet of what she was originally going to say:

(I’m guessing they changed the bull’s name from Satan to Tombstone because it’d be kinda screwy to associate Maya with something named Satan. And also: Disney Channel Anyway.) Riley and Lucas, the dreamers, are NOT listening to the realist here. This is a potential life or death situation and they are not LISTENING to Maya. They’re too caught up in those crappy ideas about Southern honor, too caught up in the idea that Lucas MUST risk his life to “make up for” falling off a sheep as a kid, too caught up in the idea of Lucas as a “hero.” Riley and Lucas aren’t being realistic about this, and they’re caring WAY too much about reputation and what other people think. Perhaps it might be useful to think of this situation in terms of what Maya says about them both in GM Money (especially if you believe it’s supposed to come BEFORE Texas):

“I’m gonna dream with them, yeah. I always have. They’re the ones who taught me how. Just sometimes, I know better.”

Maya knew better in Texas. Riley and Lucas did not. (”You have these friends for a reason,” much?) There was no GOOD reason for Lucas to be risking his life, because Pappy Joe and the locals were WRONG to call Lucas a disgrace over something that happened to him as a child in the first place.

Riley’s idealization of Lucas is what makes her blind to the VERY REAL danger until she sees Tombstone in person, at which point she acts like veterinarian dreams can tame an angry bull. Riley is not being realistic about this. The show took major pains to hammer home that the danger was real and that it was extraordinarily lucky Lucas didn’t get seriously hurt. They even go so far as to SHOW us “the best” being rolled out on a stretcher as Lucas enters the ring. Riley may believe Lucas is “hero” and all (and WHY does she think that, exactly? That’s yet another post), but if “the best” can wind up in the hospital after riding Buttercup, then Lucas could’ve easily wound up in even worse shape after riding Tombstone. They. Got. Lucky.

But the issue here is not that Riley is some monster who just plain didn’t care about Lucas. The issue is that she cared too much what other people thought (same with Lucas). The issue is that she wasn’t being realistic about the danger (same with Lucas). This is a situation where the dreamers OUGHT TO HAVE listened to the realist, and they didn’t. They got lucky this time. But how many more times do you think Riley and Lucas can get into situations like this before their luck runs out and something goes horribly wrong because they both had their heads in the clouds? Is this out-of-touch-with-reality idealistic dreamer dynamic GOOD FOR THEM in the long run? As long as we’re only talking about running for class president in seventh grade, I guess. More importantly, does this dynamic make for an effective, possibly long-term partnership with room for constant growth? According to the writers...no. See: GM Belief, the implications of STEM.

The point of the refreshment tent scene was never "can Maya talk Lucas out of this?!" but rather to HIGHLIGHT the differences in the way the girls see the world, and Lucas himself—not to mention the difference in their feelings for him. Seeing how other people live changes the way the girls would normally act. What DOESN'T change though is the way the girls SEE and CONCEIVE of Lucas. Riley's idealization of Lucas doesn't disappear in Texas just because other people are calling him a “disgrace.” She's convinced that he's a "hero who can do anything," so even though the danger is becoming more and more apparent, Riley believes Lucas can ride a raging bull just because he says so, even though he is clearly unsure himself. Maya, on the other hand, sees Lucas as a normal kid and a normal good guy. She doesn't place him on a "hero" pedestal the way Riley does. She sees "the best" get carried out on a stretcher and she is 100% DONE with the idea that Lucas should risk his life and limb just to prove a point to a bunch of people who are WRONG to be calling Lucas a disgrace in the first place. She does everything she can think of to try and stop him, while also trying to not make her feelings known. And at this point Maya is the one who is acting the way you'd expect "Lucas's girl" to act in the face of a life or death stunt (especially by BMW/GMW standards). And Riley, well...she's acting more like his family and the Texans. Riley’s acting more like like Pappy Joe, who makes fun of Lucas and believes he HAS to risk himself with a life threatening stunt.

The Inevitability of the Bull Ride

But make no mistake: Even though it didn’t become 100% inevitable in the narrative until after the “disgrace” bit, that bull ride was always going to happen plot-beat-wise. Maya didn't have an actual prayer of talking Lucas out of it because this is FICTION. The bull ride is the action climax of the episode, and it's also how Riley gets hip to Maya's feelings. If the bull ride doesn't happen, then Riley doesn't get fully hip to Maya, and Texas 2&3 don't happen. The purpose of the refreshment tent scene (even after the cuts) was probably to highlight the differences in the way the girls see/perceive Lucas wherever they are geographically, as well as to highlight the way they change in terms of how they each treat Lucas in light of seeing how he grew up in Texas. Maya's attempt to talk Lucas out of it was ALWAYS doomed, which is why she has to push so hard that she slips up and makes her feelings obvious/undeniable/apparent—and although Riley doesn't quite 100% catch on until she sees Maya frozen and shaking in fear after Lucas is flung through the air, that post-rodeo moment is really just the catalyst that makes all the moments Riley's been noticing all season snap into place. And of course Lucas has NO IDEA what's up with Maya until Riley brings it up and Maya eventually explains herself at the campfire. He seems to think that Maya just doesn't support him or believe in him while Riley does.

I've had it just about up to here with people who aren't capable of grasping the nuance of Girl Meets Texas 1, or who think there isn’t any, especially with regard to the way the girls change once they get to Texas. Fact: Riley is naive and is often slow on the uptake when it comes to reality. Sometimes it seems like she's faking it, other times she really is just a lap behind. Riley can often be misguided when she thinks she knows what's best for everyone. The bull ride was the action climax of the episode and was going to happen NO MATTER WHAT, because of who these character are and where the story needed to go. But parsing out the _why_ of it all doesn’t mean I think there was ever a prayer of a Girl Meets Texas without a bull ride, or that it’s “Riley’s fault” there was a bull ride. Riley’s not real. There’s a bull ride because it was written that way. But the way they get to that plot point is, in my ever intense opinion, worth a closer look--especially because you don’t have to squint much to see it all as a piece of a much larger puzzle re: Riley and Maya learning to be combinations of light/dark and dreamer/realist rather than dichotomous extremes, entirely aside from the fact that in this case it’s got to do with Lucas.

#old draft post #girl meets texas #seriously i cannot believe this was probably going to be longer than it already is #actually i can #i could write a freaking graduate thesis about this show and still have more to say #if you read the whole thing congratulations #ugh i loved these episodes so much #analyzing riley and maya through any prism is my jam

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thearvariblues · 3 years

Text

The Mysterious Case of Jaskier's Immortality

Word count: 3601

“So nice to see you again, Yennefer,” Jaskier says, putting on one of his many fake smiles.

“Jaskier,” she replies with a smile that almost looks genuine but Jaskier is pretty sure that it’s not. Which she confirms a few seconds later by saying: “Shouldn’t you be dead already?��

“I see you’re as kind as always, my dear. But don’t you worry, Geralt is doing a very good job when it comes to protecting me.”

“Hm,” Geralt sighs resignedly, clearly regretting his decision to spend the night in an inn instead of the middle of a forest.

To be fair, it was Jaskier who suggested it, claiming that he refused to be eaten by angry drowners, no matter how many times Geralt tried to explain to him that the probability of finding a drowner in the middle of a very dry forest is extremely low.

If Jaskier knew they were going to run into Yennefer in the inn, he would have risked the drowners.

“I don’t doubt that,” Yennefer smirks. “But seriously, how old are you, bard?”

“No idea. I stopped counting after fifty, I think.”

“You know, you don’t look fifty,” she says.

“Oh, well, my mother had an elf lover before I was born, so there’s a fifty-fifty chance that I’m not gonna age anytime soon. Sorry,” Jaskier smiles again, sweetly – and this time, it’s genuine.

“As if,” Geralt grunts.

“I’m sorry, dear?” Jaskier blinks.

“Come on, Jaskier, it doesn’t work like that. You’re a viscount, that means your father must have been a viscount, too.”

“You don’t know much about nobility, do you, Geralt?” Yennefer snorts.

“Hm,” Geralt grunts. “Still, he’s not a half-elf.”

“Let me guess, you’re a Witcher, therefore you could smell it if I was? I hate to break it to you, dear heart, but you’re going to have your nose checked.”

“You’re not a half-elf, Jaskier,” Geralt repeats. “You’re not immortal, you just… look young.”

“Yeah, right, you got me,” Jaskier shrugs. “I just look good because I moisturize. Happier now?”

“Much,” Geralt nods. “See? You can be honest if you want.”

“Yup,” Jaskier nods. “Honesty personified. Now please excuse me, I need to go and moisturize some more. Internally. With ale.”

“I’m actually a mermaid, you know?” Jaskier grins the next time he’s asked, this time by a very confused and very old Valdo Marx.

“A siren, Jaskier. Not a mermaid,” Geralt sighs, praying to Melitele to give him strength. “And you’d know that, of course, if you actually were a siren.”

“Just so you know, the term siren is actually quite offensive to my people.”

“You mean idiots?” Geralt chuckles. “You’re not a siren, Jask.”

“Can you prove that I’m not?”

“Well, last week you tripped and fell into this creek that was like… knee-deep, and you nearly drowned.”

“I was in shock!” Jaskier proclaims dramatically. “But I have a proof that I am, or at least could be a siren.”

“What proof?”

“Well, my lovely voice, of course!”

“Not as lovely as you think it is,” Valdo Marx snorts.

“Come on, Jaskier,” Geralt sighs, ignoring the old troubadour. “You have much better voice that any siren I’ve ever heard.”

“Geralt of Rivia!” Jaskier gasps, clutching his chest. “Was that a compliment?!”

“Fuck,” Geralt mutters. “I didn’t mean…”

“Really though, Jaskier,” Valdo says. “How?”

“That’s a secret I’ll take to the grave, I’m afraid,” Jaskier grins. “Once I manage to reach it.”

“Keep on with the bullshit, Jaskier,” Geralt growls, “and you can reach it tonight.”

“Fifty years traveling with him, and he still thinks he can scare me. Cute, isn’t he?” Jaskier laughs. “Oh, Geralt you could never.”

“Try me.”

“All right, I’ll tell you my secret,” Jaskier winks at Ciri, who lifts an eyebrow. “I’ve got this neat… magic ring.”

“Hmmm,” Ciri observes. “Looks like a normal signet ring to me.”

“Well… Yeah, well, it looks like it, all right, but actually–”

“Jaskier, I was born a princess. This is clearly a Pankratz family signet ring.”

“Damn,” Jaskier groans. “Like father like daughter, eh?”

“Sorry,” Ciri shrugs.

“I got myself cursed.”

Triss Merigold lifts an eyebrow.

“Somebody cursed you to live forever, is that so?” she asks and her voice is almost dripping with disbelief.

“More like cursed me,” Geralt murmurs.

“Oh, shut up, Witcher, you know you couldn’t live without me,” Jaskier smiles brightly, and Geralt has to bite his cheek to stop himself from smiling back.

“Hm,” he says instead.

“Eloquent as ever,” Jaskier nods.

“Would you like me to...” Triss clears her throat. “You know, try to lift the curse?”

“No!” Geralt yells before he can stop himself.

“See?” Jaskier beams. “You could never live without me!”

“A bruxa,” Jaskier repeats to a young man who claims to be his son, but looks older than his supposed father.

“You’re not a bruxa, Jaskier!” Geralt whines.

“Excuse me, and how would you know?”

“Because I’m a fucking Witcher?!”

“Well, you’re clearly a fucking horrible Witcher if you haven’t noticed until now!”

“I think I’d notice if you tried to sneak out of the camp at nights to feed,” Geralt comments, crossing his hands. “You can’t even sneak out to take a piss, Jask.”

“Maybe I do that on purpose!”

“Besides, bruxae are mostly women.”

“Mostly being the important word here.”

“Fuck’s sake, Jaskier. You won’t even eat a piece of meat if it’s not so well-done that it’s almost cremated.”

“Do you know how disgusting the blood is, Geralt?!” Jaskier groans, and then immediately blinks when he realizes what he just said. “I meant…”

“Case closed,” Geralt nods, satisfied.

“Oh, dear,” Jaskier mutters. “I fucking hate you sometimes.”

“Uhm, my lords, if I may,” the young man says.

“Hate to break it to you, kid, but if you’re aging like a normal human, you’re probably not my son,” Jaskier shrugs. “Sorry. I get it why your mum might be confused, though. It was quite a night, with at least four–”

“And that’s enough,” Geralt says, grabbing Jaskier by the collar and pulling him away from the man. “You know, lifting the curse seems like a good idea now.”

“There isn’t really a curse, Geralt,” Jaskier laughs.

Geralt sighs, his lips curling into a tiny smile that Jaskier cannot see.

“Thank fuck.”

“You see, we were in a crazy mage’s tower and I saw this bottle and I thought it was slivovitz, so I drank it, but it seems that it actually was some sort of an immortality potion,” Jaskier explains to a lady at the ball, whose grandmother he’d apparently fucked once, when said grandmother was still a young, unmarried woman.

Geralt only blinks, because it’s the first truly plausible explanation for Jaskier’s mysterious immortality.

“Oh, that must be so horrible to watch everyone you love die!” the woman nods enthusiastically. “Perhaps you’d like to tell me about it in private?”

“Of course, my dear…” Jaskier smiles. “Just… wait a second. How old is your mother?”

“Forty-seven, why?”

Jaskier’s lips are moving silently for a few seconds while he counts, and then thy turn into a wide grin.

“No reason, dear,” he says, offering her his arms. “Shall we?”

When Jaskier and the lady flee the ball, Geralt pulls out his flask of White Gull and pours its contents into his empty tankard.

So, a potion…

“There is no such thing as an immortality potion, Geralt,” Yennefer shakes her head.

“How can you be so sure?” Geralt asks. “Maybe this mage really did find a way to at least make the human life longer!”

“And why would he do that?” Yennefer scoffs. She has been doing that a lot since she finally ended their relationship for good about twenty years ago. (He later found out that she had left him for none other than Triss Merigold, but Yennefer still doesn’t know that he knows, and he’s having way too much fun with it to break the fact to her. So right now, he is pretending he doesn’t notice that Triss is eavesdropping on their conversation behind the door leading to Yennefer’s bedroom, and that he absolutely believed Yen when she claimed that the loud thud a few minutes ago was caused by a cat.) “We are immortal, Geralt, unless killed. There is no reason for any of us to make a potion that would make a human live forever.”

“Well, perhaps this mage fell in love with a human and wanted them to stay with him!”

Yennefer pauses, inspecting Geralt from head to toe and back again, and then she sighs.

“Oh, Geralt. Really?”

“Really what?” Geralt blinks, genuinely confused.

“Oh,” Yennefer murmurs. “Oh, no. Really?”

“Really what, Yen?”

“You mean you don’t… Oh, dear gods. Really?”

“Yen, I swear that I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Geralt grunts, frowning.

Yennefer rolls her eyes and tries counting to ten to calm herself down. She doesn’t even get to three before Geralt’s eyes go wide.

“Oh,” he whispers. “Fuck.”

“Fuck, indeed, Geralt,” she nods solemnly. “Fuck, indeed.”

“I found a djinn, he granted me a wish,” Jaskier says when Geralt asks him, about five minutes after his meeting with Yennefer. (He agreed to use a portal to get to the bard as soon as possible. A fucking portal!) The bard is sitting in a tavern and eating his dinner, utterly undisturbed by the sudden appearance of an angrier-than-usual Witcher.

“You never mentioned a djinn,” Geralt growls. “And after your last encounter with one, I sincerely doubt you’d engage with another.”

“You clearly don’t know me at all–”

“Besides, Valdo Marx, as far as I know, had an apoplexy while fucking a young student on his desk, and I don’t think you’d ever let him die like that if you had a choice.”

“You see, that was kind of a my mistake, since I didn’t specify the time and the circumstances of his apoplexy in my wish, so…”

“What was your third wish?”

“Pardon me?”

“Your immortality, Valdo Marx dropping dead, that’s two. What was the third one? And don’t even try to mention the Countess de Stael, since you’d have to dig her up first.”

“That was disgusting, even for you, you know that, Geralt?”

“How are you immortal, Jaskier?!”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me.”

Jaskier puts a piece of bread in his mouth and grins.

“Maybe some other time, Witcher.”

“I am a fae,” Jaskier replies a day later.

“You’re not a fucking fae, bard.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because you fucking lie, Jaskier. All the time.”

“Fuck. Didn’t think of that.”

“You see, there was this artifact–”

Geralt closes his eyes, turning Roach around.

“Let’s consult Yennefer about this.”

“Oh, mother of…” Jaskier whines. “All right, no artifact, there was no artifact! Geralt, I’m telling you, there was no…”

“You’re not a succubus.”

“But it would be a perfect explanation, wouldn’t it?”

“You’re not succubus, because if you were, you’d know that a male one is called an incubus.”

“Oh, you and your stupid Witcher terms again.”

“You’re not an incubus, Jaskier, because if you were, I could never let you near Eskel.”

“All right… Explain, please?”

Geralt grunts.

“I’d really rather not.”

“A dragon,” Jaskier grins victoriously.

“No,” Geralt says, shaking his head.

“No,” Jaskier agrees with a sigh.

“You know you could just tell me the truth and be done with it, right?”

“Hm… No.”

“All right, enough is enough,” Jaskier growls that night in their rented room, tossing his doublet aside. “You’ve asked me three times today, Geralt. Why the sudden interest in my immortality?”

“As you said, enough is enough. You’ve been traveling with me for what, a hundred years?”

“A hundred and four.”

“Yes, and you still look the same as the day I met you in Posada!” Geralt growls. “And it drives me mad!”

“It wasn’t driving you insane for at least fifty years, so why the sudden change of heart?”

“Fuck off, bard. You don’t have to tell me. I don’t care.”

“But you do, Geralt,” Jaskier says, taking a step towards the Witcher. “Why?”

He’s standing in Geralt’s personal space, his chemise half undone, and he’s watching Geralt with those sincere blue eyes, and Geralt can’t fucking think…

“Because I love you, you idiot!” he snaps. “Because I fucking love you and I need to know if I can love you, or you’re gonna just drop dead one day without a warning!”

“Oh,” Jaskier whispers, his lips forming into a huge, happy smile. “Oh, fucking finally.”

“Fucking… what?” Geralt blinks, his arms suddenly full of an enthusiastic bard.

“I love you too, you silly Witcher,” Jaskier laughs. “I’ve loved you for a hundred years! Well, a hundred and four, but who’s counting?”

“You…” Geralt mutters.

“Silly, silly Witcher,” Jaskier repeats, pressing his lips against Geralt’s in a kiss that could be described as chaste, or at least the chastest Jaskier has ever been capable of. “We’re going to Lettenhove in the morning.”

“We are?”

“Oh, yes,” Jaskier whispers. “See, I’ve told you the truth about the source of my immortality once. But I think you need to see it to believe me.”

“Wait, you have? When?” Geralt asks. “Was it the artifact? Just tell me, I promise I won’t make you consult it with–”

“Shut up now,” Jaskier says, kissing Geralt again with way less chastity than before. “And in the meantime, believe me this – you can keep loving me, and I’m not planning on dropping dead anytime soon. Also, I’ve spent the last hundred years imagining fucking you senseless, so if you’re not opposed to the idea, perhaps we could, well…”

The kiss that this idea gets him is as far from chaste as one could possibly get.

And Jaskier definitely isn’t about to complain.

“You sure this is a good idea?” Geralt asks as they march towards the Lettenhove castle’s gates. He tugs at his doublet’s collar, way too tight for his liking. He’d much rather walk in there wearing his usual attire, but Jaskier insisted that Geralt must look presentable if he wants to meet his family.

It turns out that it only takes a single I love you to turn the bard into a manipulative bastard. Who would have guessed?

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Jaskier replies, grinning cheerfully. “And stop frowning, you’re gonna scare the servants, love.”

“How long it’s been since your last visit here, Jaskier?” Geralt says, his frown deepening. “Who rules Lettenhove now, hm? Aren’t you only going to be a distant relative, a great-great-uncle risen from the grave?”

“I sure hope not,” Jaskier chuckles, stopping in front of the guards by the gate. “Good afternoon, gentlemen. Viscount Julian, here to see the Viscountess Madeleine.”

“How can you still be a viscount?” Geralt blinks when one of the guards promptly disappears inside.

“We kind of decided to, you know, share the title,” Jaskier shrugs. “Seemed fair. Besides, father, well, the former viscount, insisted that I inherit the title, but he never mentioned anything about Mads not inheriting it, so…”

“How could your father have known who the viscount is going to be in almost a hundred years?”

“He really didn’t,” Jaskier chuckles. “See, it will all start to make sense once you meet her.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m hoping for.”

The guard returns a few minutes later, telling them that the Viscountess will meet them in the garden.

Geralt, knowing a thing or two about nobility, think it’s a little weird, but isn’t about to protest. He only thinks he could have left the fancy clothes at the tavern.

“Oh, shut up, you,” Jaskier chuckles when Geralt voices this thought. “You look gorgeous.”

“I know. You’ve mentioned it a few times. But I didn’t have to look like that, because we’re going to meet the ruler of this land in a fucking garden, and–”

“Julian!”

A woman in a long white dress throws herself at Jaskier, who happily catches her. Geralt’s first instinct is to reach for his sword, only to realize that he (luckily) left it in the tavern – because Jaskier insisted, of course.

“Madeleine,” Jaskier chuckles. “You haven’t aged a day.”

“Oh, yes. Shocking, isn’t it?” she laughs, pulling away from him, and for the first time, Geralt truly looks at her.

The woman is shorter than Jaskier, slim, and her dress is much, much simpler than Geralt would have expected considering the fact that is supposed to be a viscountess. She has dark, long hair and her face is so beautiful that it almost – but only almost – takes the focus off her pointed ears.

“Lady Madeleine,” Jaskier grins, “may I introduce Geralt of Rivia, my Witcher. Geralt, this is Lady Madeleine, the current ruler of Lettenhove and my younger sister.”

“You’re…” Geralt blinks.

“A half-elf, yes,” she nods. “Julian! You haven’t told him?”

“Hardly my fault. I really tried,” Jaskier shrugs. “But he just wouldn’t believe me.”

“So you brought him here to prove it to him, rather than to visit your beloved sister? You are a horrible, horrible sibling, Julian!”

“Your… sister,” Geralt mutters, all his thoughts speeding through his head, colliding and falling down, one over another.

“Yes, we definitely share a mother,” Jaskier confirms. “Most likely a father, too, and trust me, it wasn’t the old viscount. Madeleine got the elvish looks, I only got the non-aging bit. Well, apparently.”

“But…” Geralt blinks. “Your father. The title.”

“Yen was right, dear heart, you really don’t know shit about nobility,” Jaskier snorts. “But I admit that even though our dear departed noble father knew that Mads wasn’t his daughter, obviously, it never occurred to him that I might not be his true son.”

“But you don’t age!”

“In his defense, that only became clear after his unfortunate passing.”

“And you aren’t going to start to age anytime soon,” Geralt mutters. “You really aren’t.”

“Told you so, didn’t I?” Jaskier winks, letting go of his sister and wrapping his arms around his lover instead.

“I… I…” Geralt stammers. “Fuck.”

“Maybe later, love,” Jaskier smiles. “Madeleine, my dear, wouldn’t you say that my return calls for a feast?”

“Absolutely. In fact, I have started the preparations the second my spies informed me that you have crossed the border.”

“Oh, so we have spies now?”

“It’s really only a net of nosy old ladies, but it works wonders,” Madeleine laughs. “I must admit, though, that I was only planning a feast to celebrate you coming home, but now I see we have a much better reason to party. Tell me, brother, did you finally get your stupid Witcher?”

Jaskier smiles brightly, turning his head to Geralt.

“Yes. I finally got my stupid Witcher.”

“Party,” the Witcher in question growls. “Is that why you made me dress like a pompous prick?”

“No, that was because while I find your usual self extremely attractive, you still look much better when your hair is properly combed and you’re not covered in monster blood.”

“Hm,” Geralt hums, but wraps his arm around the bard to hold him close.

“Oh, yes, about monsters,” Madeleine says with the most innocent expression Geralt has seen since Ciri broke Vesemir’s favorite vase at Kaer Morhen. “You see, we have a tiny problem with a cockatrice…”

“Right,” Geralt nods. “I’ll go grab my armor from the tavern.”

“That won’t be necessary. I have already arranged for your things to be brought to the castle. And your horse,” she adds before Geralt can even open his mouth. “You can leave for your quest as soon as the servants get here.”

“So much for you not being covered in monster blood,” Jaskier sighs.

“Hm,” Geralt grins. “Lady Madeleine, I suppose you happen to have a bathtub somewhere in the castle?”

“Of course. In fact, there is a private bathroom right next to Julian’s bedroom.”

“Geralt of Rivia,” Jaskier purrs. “You know me so well.”

“Yes, and I expect to get to know you even better. In another hundred years or so.”

Jaskier laughs, pulls Geralt closer to him and kisses him.

“Another thousand years, I’d say.”

“What… the… fuck?!” Geralt croaks, staring at the smouldering remains of the cockatrice that would have surely killed him if Jaskier… If Jaskier…

The bard looks at his hands, then at the cockatrice, and then back at his hands again.

“Geralt? I have a feeling that I’m not really… A half-elf.”

“No shit.”

“I think I might be… Uhm…”

“Oh, shit,” Geralt whispers.

“I suppose, uhm, you know…” Jaskier stammers, wiping his palms on his trousers like he could wipe away the feeling of literal flames shooting out of them mere moments ago.

“Yeah. We’re gonna have to consult this with Yen.”

“Splendid,” Jaskier sighs. “Can it at least wait after the feast?”

“After more than a hundred years of you not even knowing, I think one feast will be fine.”

“Thank the gods. Madeleine would kill me if I tried to leave now,” Jaskier chuckles. “Let’s go, then. We need to get the fried monster remains out of your hair.”

“You’re… I was fucking right! You’re not a half-elf!”

“Yeah, you’re a great Witcher,” Jaskier nods, grabbing Geralt’s arm and dragging him away from the monster. “Didn’t notice I was secretly a fucking mage, but otherwise a great Witcher.”

“Explains a lot, though.”

“Does it now?”

“Yeah. I always had a thing for mages, you know.”

“Oh, Geralt. You’re such a fucking idiot,” Jaskier chuckles.

“Made you laugh,” Geralt shrugs, smiling.

Jaskier shakes his head.

“I’m so, so gonna drown you in that bathtub.”

“My love,” Geralt grins, “you’re more than welcome to try.”

***

Tagging @lottelorelei - I’m sorry I always forget to reply to your lovely comments, but believe me, they always put a big smile on my face! :)

#the witcher #witcher fanfiction #my fics #geralt of rivia #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #geraskier #geralt x jaskier #jaskier x geralt #idiots in love #immortal jaskier #non-human jaskier #they're stupid your honor #they share a single braincell #and yennefer has the custody of it #also madeleine hyland is jaskier's sister in this

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zooophagous · 2 years

Text

The institute was a prison. To be sure, they tried to make it feel more like a hospital, but if he were honest, there was considerable overlap between the nicest prisons and the meanest hospitals. That fact didn't seem to have changed in the centuries since Luther Strauss had first practiced as a physician. It was certainly a hard fact to forget in the sterile, clean, cold 'cafeteria' where meals were to be served.

His own meals had to be served by the nurse. There was protocol for the handling of blood, after all, but the nurse always seemed put out by the task. Probably because of the mice. A metal tray was set before the seated vampire at the cold metal table. It contained a meal that, since it was not the hour for breakfast, lunch or dinner, Luther referred to as "feed."

A tube of fresh human blood, no longer than a man's middle finger, and about the same width, still warm from its donor (Ursula today, according to the label. It made him chuckle to see that.) Alongside it was "Tropi-Fresh organic no sugar added 100% pure coconut water." Organic or not, the brightly colored though barely flavored juice box made a fine filler for a liquid diet. He had initially rejected his first taste of it, but it soon proved to be innofensive enough. The bulk of feed however, was alive and kicking and sat in a clear plastic pet carrier with a ventilated lid. Three large white laboratory mice, with red eyes sniffed and pawed and ducked and paced. Luther watched them with an emotionless expression. They were fun to watch, and the red eyes and the visible disgust they inspired in the human workers of the institute gave him an odd sense of comeraderie with the small creatures. But, they also smelled bad, sharp and pungent, and they were, ultimately, prey.

He reached into the little carrier and picked one up. He would start with the mice, if he could finish them quickly the room wouldn't smell as badly of them. One sat in his claws, sniffing curiously, and utterly dumb to its fate. He would eat it live, clamping the life out of it in an instant and sucking its tiny body dry like a slice of orange. His jaw clicked and widened, fangs exposed themselves fully, and he leaned his head back to dangle the condemned by the tail into his hungry maw.

"Oh God, EW. DON'T PUT THAT IN YOUR MOUTH!"

Luther paused. Troy had come to eat dinner with him. Luther instantly remembered why he usually declined company at feed. He held the creature in his fist with his thumb over its head.

"Troy. What do you want?"

"You are not seriously going to put a live mouse in your mouth. Luther that's disgusting."

"More disgusting than you eating that roadkilled raccoon?"

"That's different. I was NOT in charge of my faculties then. You are. You can't tell me you're ok with this." Troy motioned at the mice in their carriers, which gazed back up at him with empty, ruby eyes.

"Are you upset because it is unhygeinic? I am already dead. I am quite immune to plague. Believe me. I've tested it."

"That's part of it but... but come on man. Look at it. It's a living thing, it's not hurting anyone. You can't be ok with just killing it for no reason."

"I am not content to kill for no reason. I kill for a very good reason. I have to eat, Troy, and it has to come from somewhere." He was done arguing, and popped the rodent into his mouth as casually as someone might take a handful of popcorn.

There was a crunch, a brief squeal from the mouse, and a gasp from Troy. He turned his head and spit the carcass into his hand, nearly fully dessicated.

"DUDE!" Troy complained loudly. "Could you NOT do that right in front of me?!"

"You're free to leave." He shrugged, and began reaching for another mouse.

"Wait." Troy held his hand over the latch to the carrier.

"What is it?" Luther grumbled. "Herr Cunningham, you are trying my limited patience."

"Will you leave the mice alone if I get you something else?"

"I cannot subsist on mere coconut water."

"No, like something ELSE."

Luther tilted his head. "What is it you suggest?"

Around the hallowed halls of the Van Helsing Institute, Ursula made her rounds. She had witnessed Troy and Strauss on the cameras, leaving the cafeteria and the still alive mice for someone else to clean up, as usual. Men, it appeared, were all the same, living or dead.

They had broken into a nurses' closet, and then had gone into the vampire's dorm. Part of her was concerned- a vampire is a powerful manipulator, and Troy as sweet as he was, was also painfully naive. What was worse, neither of those rooms had cameras so God only knows what that monster was doing to the lad. She found herself at the dorm, predictably locked, but only huffed and pulled her key ring out. She didn't bother being polite. If they were going to break into delicate restricted medical areas, they could face the wrath of security.

"I do certainly hope you two aren't having sex right now because this door coming-"

She paused, and stared down at Strauss, and Troy, who sat on the bed together, though fully clothed.

"...Open."

"Hey Ursula." Troy said meekly, his free hand gripping his outstretched arm. He was white as a sheet. A needle was set into the large vein in the inner elbow, along with a tube- the phlebotomy supplies used to take donations. Instead of a nice sterile bag and a label however, Strauss sat daintily sipping the end of the cut tube as if it were a cocktail straw.

"What, pray tell, the HELL are you two doing?"

"Herr Cunningham invited me to dinner."

"Don't be mad Ursula I just would rather it be from me than have him hurting the mice-"

"GET THAT OUT OF YOUR DAMN MOUTH!" She yelled. "You're going to give him diseases!"

"How dare you, I properly cleaned the injection site with iodine before sticking him and used sterile equipment for the EXPRESS purpose of NOT giving him any diseases, what manner of untrained selfish oaf do you take me for-"

"STOP talking to me, if I find you feeding off of anyone else in this building WITH OR WITHOUT a tube I will stake you. Troy, we put up with the mice so we don't HAVE to do dumb shit like this, I know you're a bleeding heart but can you PLEASE stop and think before-"

"Ahem."

All three of them turned to see Artemis in the doorway behind them. "I heard yelling. I presume Ursula is upset that you left live mice in the cafeteria, Luther? You know that isn't allowed. If you can't be responsible with livestock we will not keep it on the premises. I know she must not be yelling about whatever you two are doing alone in here, because you're both rational, consenting adults who can make your own choices, right?"

She said sternly to both the vampire and her security, who both sheepishly looked away.

"Apologies, Frau Van Helsing. I will return the unused livestock to their pens."

"Thank you. Ursula?"

"I'll go fill out a form to fix the door SOMEONE broke to the nurses' station."

"Excellent. Troy?"

"I uh. I'm going to go get a bandaid I guess."

"Fine. We can all agree, then? No yelling in the supernatural creature dorms unless someone is getting mauled. I'm going back to work."

She turned with a smile and headed off down the hall.

"Someone was getting mauled." Ursula grumbled as she stormed out of the room.

Strauss sighed. "Hold still. Let me get this tube out of your arm. How do you feel?"

"Like I'm going to throw up."

"That is natural for bloodletting."

"Hey... how do I taste?"

Strauss grinned. "Better than mice."

"That was kind of funny, she asked if we were... like together, ha."

"Mm. No offense Troy, you aren't quite my type."

"Yeah, same. I sort of prefer my guys less skinny and less, you know, dead anyway. Can a vampire even... you know." He waved his hand.

"Can we what?"

"Have sex?"

"Oh. Well. I am sure we can. I haven't tried."

"Wait. You just haven't bothered to check? How old are you?"

"I wasn't that interested in it alive either, from what I remember."

"And you aren't even curious if it all, like, still works? Even from like a doctor's perspective?"

"Not really, no. But, if I find someone I am interested in testing it with, I will be sure to document the proceedings for posterity." He pulled the needle free of Troy's arm. Troy flinched. The vampire pressed a cotton ball over the tiny puncture wound.

"You look better than most victims do, after being fed on by a vampire. Hold pressure there until it stops. That was nice. We should do it again some time."

"Yeah yeah. Sometime. Don't... don't get rid of the mice just yet."

#long post #writing #wayward souls

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books-and-catears · 3 years

Note

Can I request some headcanons of the bothers dying in MC's arms and just watching them scream and beg for them not to leave them as they slowly fade away? I'm a sucker for some good angst and role reversal :P

OHHHH ANGST ALERT. ANGST ALERT.

You've come to the right person. Have a seat, grab some tissues, steel your heart and let's cry over some fictional deaths shall we?

This is going to be from the Brothers POV so ouch.

PART 1

Lucifer

When was the last time I felt peace like this? Curled up in a safe space, with someone holding me this tight. It's been how many millennia I wonder.

"Ah MC..." I croak out, "...you're still crying? Over me of all people?" It hurt to laugh but I still did.

"Shut up, shut up Lucifer! We're going to save you don't exhaust yourself!" You're probably the only being in creation who has the guts to tell the Avatar of Pride to shut up. And I'm so hopelessly bound under your love, I cannot help but obey you.

Can you hear these words MC? Or am I just talking to myself in my mind? I want to tell you all this but, it seems I'll lose my last breath. And I don't want that yet. I want to keep looking at you.

"Won't you stop crying MC? Won't you give me a last smile to remember you by?" I manage to speak again. This time, your sobs lessen a little, and your arms around me feel tighter. It's so peaceful here.

"No no no this isn't it! This is too soon!" You cry out again. "You've spent your whole life saving everyone - all your brothers - now it's your turn to be saved!"

Who's going to save me, MC? I wondered that long before you came along. But now I have my answer.

"You. You already saved me. A demon can only wish for a death as happy as this, MC" I choose all my words carefully, they are about to be my very last.

"No this isn't saving, your saving will come, I will hold you, I won't let you go-" Your head buried in my neck now, I feel your breath on my cheeks. I kiss the side of your head, pouring my heart into it. Oh MC, you make me regret giving up my life...

"Your forgiveness is my salvation. And your affection is heaven sent gift." I cup your face, feeling your warmth for the last time. "I love you, MC. Despite my horrible actions and my less than amiable demeanor, I really love you."

I hear you scream my name for the last time and I'm know I'm dying happy.

Mammon

I wonder when it was when I fell head over heels for MC. And when did this MC start loving me back. This..this is love, right? You wouldn't be crying over me like otherwise right?

"Oi Oi human.. stop crying already! The Great Mammon doesn't want this as his last memory! Your nose has turned so red...you look like a clown.." That's what spills out of my mouth.

"If I look like a clown than get back up and laugh at me! Laugh at me forever! Just get up, you stupid demon!" You try so hard to talk, but your voice is choking up.

Idiot Mammon! Who says that to a sad person?! You don't learn even in death do ya!?

Your nose is so red MC, you look like the cutest clown I've ever seen. So you held my heart till the end didn't ya? The Great Mammon... today I earned that title MC. I earned it by saving ya. That's what I wanted to say.

I want to tell you all these things I'm thinking. All these things I'm feeling. But I don't know how the hell to put into words! I'm bad at it damnit!

"Hey now seriously...how much longer are you going to cry, MC? Enough already...I don't like seeing ya like this.." I take my unhurt hand and wipe the tears off your face.

"I'll stop when you're okay. If you want me to stop, please just be okay, Mammon!" You cry into my shirt, your hands right over my beating heart. Hear that, MC? It's still beating waiting for you to stop crying.

It's breaking my heart to see ya like this, MC. I can't believed you're crying this much for a scumbag like me. You must be as stupid as me to waste your precious tears on me. Stop it MC. Save those tears. Even a thousand Goldies can't get those back.

"MC..." I know what I have to do. It's now or never after all. I can't believe I waited till my last moment to tell ya this, MC. But perhaps now was the perfect time after all.

"MC ...I love you. Very much. I was glad to be your first pact and assigned as your protector. Well for once, I finally did my job right yeah?" I cough out a laugh, and pull your face close to kiss your cheek. And I know that's the bravest I've ever been.

This is as good as goodbyes get, MC. Thank you for being my last memory.

Leviathan

"I did it, MC! I did it! Are you proud of me?!" For the first time in forever, I became the protagonist in real life. Maybe it could have been a happier genre with a better ending but I guess I have to make do with what I get.

You nod silently, tears falling out of your pretty eyes. "M-MC?? Are you crying ...for me? But I'm just a-"

"Please Levi! Don't you dare you dare call yourself a yucky shut in otaku right after you saved my godamned life. You're my dearest friend and you're amazing and I'm so proud of you and you're going to be okay!" You say it all in one breath.

You're too sweet for the world, MC. And dying for you will be worth it. Ah what is this internal monologue? I sound like an anime character inside my head! Is this what it feels like to be inside an anime?!

But if I confess my love in my head, you won't be able to hear it. There's no harm in confessing anymore right? Let's be brave once and for all!

"MC... t-there's something I need to tell you. And you don't need to answer it." I say, steeling my nerves. "I love you. More than anything in the world. And yes that includes my favourite anime characters too."

You chuckle a little between cries. Ah did I manage to make you laugh? Even for a little while? Please laugh a little more MC. That'll be such a good last memory to have.

"I love you too Levi. I love you too so you better live so we can go to couples cosplay and karaoke next week... remember? We already booked and everything?" You try to smile through your tears. It seems unfair that I suddenly feel so happy.

I never thought of this. I thought when I die, it'd be alone in my room, with just Henry in fishtank, still and watching. Another person holding me and asking me to keep living for them? I never imagined that would happen outside of a game, MC hahaha.

I feel like crying. Why do you look blurry? Am I crying to you? But I'm not in pain. They are tears of happiness. You made me so happy MC.

Out of all my brothers...you chose to love me? This awkward old me had his love reciprocated? Why that's got to be the most tragic happy ending ever no, MC?

Part II

#obey me #obey me angst #obey me Lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #AHHHH I NEED TO DO THIS IN PARTS #I'LL WRITE THE NEXT PART SOON I JUST- THIS IS TOO MUCH- AHHHH #WHO ARE YOU SO CRUEL AND WISE TO REQUEST THIS-#obey me imagine #obey me headcannons

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realcube · 4 years

Text

saying things they don’t mean during an argument

navi | masterlist | taglist

thank you to anon for this request <3

characters ♡ msby black jackals (hinata, sakusa, atsumu, bokuto)

content warning ♡ angst, hurt to comfort, fluff, swearing, crying, adoption (sakusa’s) & suffocation (?)

kōtarō bokuto

♡ you sighed, crossing your arms over your chest - you knew he was a bit boyish sometimes but you never expected him to be so childish in regards to a simple request

♡ ‘bokuto, i have so much on my plate!’ you cried, tightly gripping the sheets underneath you, ‘planning the wedding, going to work, doing almost every chore in this damn house and filing all our fucking taxes!’

♡ you momentarily paused to look at him, expecting a look of sympathy but instead getting an eyeroll which prompted you to continue, ‘and all i am asking for is you to run a few errands! that’s it! why are you so opposed? i thought you enjoyed grocery shopping?!’

♡ bokuto pulled his night-shirt over his head as he stormed to his side of the bed, ‘it’s not fun without you!’ he whined childishly, plopping himself down next to you and gasping when you had the audacity to shuffle away from him

♡ ‘it’s not supposed to be fun, bokuto!’ you yelled, completely fed-up with him at this point, ‘a few errands, that’s all i ask of you!’

♡ bokuto notices how your voice shook and your lashline glistened; he didn’t want you to cry so he begrudgingly gave it, but with a strong comment to go along with it so you knew that he really didn’t want to

♡ 'fine! i don't need you anyway!'

♡ then proceeded to dramatically pull the duvet over himself and pout, averting his gaze to the wall opposite

♡ in this context, he hoped that you’d understand his comment and not take him too seriously but since you were already on the verge of tears, this simply pushed you over the edge

♡ you buried your face in your hands and hid under the blanket in hopes he didn’t realise you were crying but his senses are just different when it comes to you so try stifle that sob all you want, he’s still going to hear it and he’s still going to instantly pull you into his arms while frantically apologising

♡ ‘please don’t cry, (y/n)! i really didn’t mean it- i do need you! i love you so much, my life wouldn’t be the same without you! you do so much for me and i am so sorry for not showing you how grateful i am! like you’re so pretty and kind and talented and smart - only geniuses can do taxes - so i’m just so lucky to be with you and i can’t wait until we’re married. please, don’t leave!’

♡ eventually his praise slowly became pleas as he begged for you not to leave/hate him

♡ he does not want to lose you bc of a silly comment he made-

♡ eventually his endless pleas started to become more than background noise to your sobs, so you finally hugged him back, whispering, ‘i can’t wait to marry you too, kō.’

♡ this action lifted a massive weight off his chest and he let out an audible sigh of relief, his grip on you loosening, ‘mhm, and of course, i’ll run the errands, babe. i suppose, it’s the least i could do.’

♡ you hummed in agreement, glad that a part of your mental stress had been relieved, allowing you to finally relax in his arms and perhaps doze off in his loving embrace

♡ ...

♡ ‘mm, you smell like marshmallows, (y/n)- can i add marshmallows to the shopping list?’

kiyoomi sakusa

♡ he spoke as if you were making some crazy, otherworldly request but in reality, all you were asking was for him to take paternity leave to help you care for the baby

♡ you’re not really a baby-expert so you thought that sakusa would be happy to stay home and learn how to care for the child with you - as a couple, as a team

♡ but he was extremely opposed to the idea, spewing out a much of nonsense as to why he needs to go to work, but a part of believed that he just didn’t want to deal with his child - or maybe, he didn’t want to deal with you

♡ ‘sakusa, how do you expect me to raise a whole baby on my own! they need a lot of attention - i don’t think you understand how big of a commitment this is, you can’t treat it like a hobby!’ you cried, having long before burst into tears because your mind told you the worse - that he didn’t actually love you, he lied about wanting a kid, he lied when he said ‘i do’.

♡ usually during arguments when he notices that you’ve started to cry, he’ll drop everything he was doing to shuffle over to you and wrap you in arms, then whisper sweet-nothings into your ear until you feel better but today, he showed little consideration to your emotions as he continued pacing through the living room while you bawled your eyes out on the couch

♡ ‘i thought you loved (c/n)! you were so gentle around them but it turns out you’re not even willing to take a paternity leave to help take care of them!’

♡ ‘what happened to the man i married?’

♡ ‘kiyoomi, you need to revaluate yourse--’

♡ you wouldn’t allow him to get a word in, which was probably for the best considering he had nothing good to say

♡ but you were forced to cut yourself off when heard the sound of shattering so you immediately search for the source of the noise and there stood sakusa, his hand resting on the decorative table in the place your framed wedding photo once was - now, it was laying smashed on the ground surrounded by it’s own glass shards

♡ he pushed it off like the petty bastard he was

♡ while you sat stunned, staring the mess he just voluntarily made, he quickly turned on his heel and strolled away at a leisurely pace, 'my life was a lot easier before you entered it.'

♡ that was the last you heard of it for the next three days - you were giving each other the silent treatment

♡ you couldn’t have any sort of grain for three whole days bc they are all on the top shelf and you usually make him grab it for you but you refused to talk to him-

♡ you were the first one to break it though as you noticed that he hadn’t went to work for the last three days and curiosity got the better of you

♡ ‘kiyoomi.’ you called out to him from the kitchen but he didn’t even look up from his book - ‘parenting for dummies’ - causing you to scoff, ‘why aren’t you going to work? did something happen?’

♡ finally, he sighed and shifted his gaze off his book but only to shoot you demeaning look, as if you were stupid, ‘paternity leave, duh.’

♡ the corners of your lips twitched into a smile, which you quickly forced away when you recalled the events that occurred three days ago and the hurtful things he said, instinctively looking over at the decorative table to remind yourself of what he did

♡ but to your surprise, the picture was no longer laying on the ground, pooling in shards of glass but rather, it sit on the table with a brand new frame - which had both of your initials engraved onto it along with the date of the ceremony

♡ you didn’t need to choke out an inquiry as sakusa noticed your stunned expression and answered on his own, ‘i bought a new frame. i hope you like it.’

♡ of course you liked it; this one was a chic black with silver decals which matched your living room aesthetic way better than the other, tacky blue one did - plus, this one was customised which made you love it even more

♡ ‘i do. i really do. but i don’t like your attitude lately.’ you muttered, shaking your head as you waddled over to the couch

♡ sakusa was quick to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you down next to him, ‘i’m sorry, love.’ his voice cracked slightly as he whispered in your ear, ‘i cannot put into words how much harder my life would be without you. i just..hope you understand.’

♡ it’s not that sakusa was bad with words; he was just too emotional and overwhelmed to produce a long, coherent sentiment for you so he just prayed that you recognized that everything he said on that day was meaningless

♡ ‘i love you, (y/n).’

atsumu miya

♡ you rolled your eyes, ignoring him and continuing to type your essay until atsumu slammed your laptop closed

♡ ‘please, (y/n)! you know how much this means to me! i’ve been waiting for this festival for years!’

♡ you scoffed, folding your arms and patiently waiting for him to move his filthy hand off your laptop, ‘i do and i’m proud of you. but i have a lecture that day and my exams are just around the corner - and you know how much my education means to me.’

♡ atsumu had to take a moment to suppress a gag at how sickening and condescending your tone was, ‘it’s just one lecture, (y/n)! you’re not going to fail your exams because you missed one lectu--’

♡ ‘you don’t know that.’

♡ atsumu blinked twice, a unimpressed expression painted on his face as he let out a sigh, realising there was no possible way he’s going to be able to get through to you - i mean, he’s been trying for the last 20 minutes to no avail

♡ he ran his hand through his hairs, turning on his heel, heading towards the door and left

♡ but not before peering over his shoulder to shoot you a nasty glare and spitting, ‘you’re so selfish. you can’t even do one thing that’d make me happy - you never can.’

♡ that was the final thing he said to you for the next....20 minutes

♡ that’s actually a new record for him - usually he storms out of the room, sulks for a minute or two then renters to beg for your forgiveness

♡ but not today. he was so mad that he needed 20 whole minutes to cool down and come to his senses

♡ but once he did, when he came back into the room, he expected to see you typing your essay or studying as usual since his words don’t usually effect you too much

♡ so of course he was shocked when he slipped back into your shared bedroom to see you with the duvet tossed over your whole figure, faint sobs coming from underneath

♡ his immediate reaction was to pull the blanket away and offer himself as your source of heat, so he wrapped you in his muscular embrace, ‘b-babe.’ he stuttered, eyes-wide as he never would’ve thought you’d take his words seriously, ‘are you okay?’

♡ he knew that was a stupid question but he simply asked it to determine how sad you were - and considering you weren’t able to babble out a reply, that wasn’t a good sign

♡ ‘you’re not selfish.’ he reassured you while rubbing circles on your back, ‘if anything, i was being selfish- and nothing makes me as happy as you do, (y/n). i- i really didn’t mean it.’

♡ he paused only to place a kiss on the top of your head, ‘i love you- and to show you how much i love you..i’ll drop you off at your lecture on that day, and take you to the festival afterwards; does that sound good?’

♡ you were finally able to choke out a response but only to explain how unachievable his idea was, ‘my lecture finishes at 5 and the festival ends at 7, and there is a 45 minute drive between the two- you’re only going to be able to spend a little over an hour there.’

♡ ‘and i’ll have a blast in that time!’

♡ you sighed, your lips twitching into a small smile as you buried your face into his chest as you really couldn’t look him in the eye, ‘and why can’t you just go without me again?’

♡ ‘who the fuck am i going to play dance dance revolution against if you don’t come?’

shōyo hinata

♡ you crossed your arms over your chest, internally regretting ever opening your mouth to try calm down fiancé as now, not only is he even more angry, but also most of his anger with now directed at you rather than manager, like it was previously

♡ eventually, you started to develop a headache from all his screaming and shouting so you politely asked him to calm down, to which he replied, ‘calm down?! you’re the one who made me mad with your rude-ass comment and now you’re telling me to calm down?!’

♡ you preferred it when he was demanding for you to say ‘butt’ instead of ‘ass’ because now that’s he spent more time with bokuto, he’s started swearing more often and to be honest, it’s scary when a 5″4 ginger sunshine is yelling at you, calling you a ‘rude-ass’

♡ ‘shōyō, if i’m completely honest, i have no idea why what i said was so mean and i have no idea what’s going on- why are you so mad at your manager?’

♡ suddenly, he twisted his neck to look at you as if you had just been possessed, ‘what?’ he inquired in a hushed tone, his voice hoarse and oddly sinister

♡ you quirked a brow, too tired of his constant bitching to pay attention to his tone of voice, ‘yeah, you speak too fast, shōyō.’ you said with a shrug, checking your nails to ensure that he knew that you truly did not care about how he scowled at you, ‘plus, i just don’t understand why this gets you so worked up - i try, i really do, but i guess your volleyball problems just go over my head.’

♡ hinata clenched his fist, realising that he wasn’t going to make any progress by complaining to you. he whipped his head away before storming off, not even sparing you a final glance, ‘you just don’t get it; you don’t understand anything i say and you don’t even make a fucking effort! you just think you are so much better than everyone - well, you’re not! try coming back down to reality with the rest of us, and then we can talk.’

♡ followed by a slam of the door which rattled through the whole apartment

♡ you really had never seen hinata so angry before in your 6 years of being together

♡ the words he said were far from pleasant and a part of you wondered in he genuinely meant them, perhaps he had been supressing those thoughts for ages and now that he was finally mad, he could let it all out

♡ though you tried to reassure yourself that everyone says things they don’t mean when they are angry, but the tears started flowing on their own

♡ hinata didn’t plan on seeing you for another few hours as he had the idea of heading over to bokuto’s, have a drink and cool down but when he hopped out the shower, he realised he had left his phone in the bedroom - where he left you.

♡ begrudgingly, he slid into the room with the intention of grabbing his phone then leaving but that went to shit when he noticed that you were bundled up under the blankets, and he could hear distant sniffles coming from underneath

♡ and hinata only has four moods: mad asf, happy asf, loving you & volleyball...asf

♡ so upon seeing you in such a state, presumably because of what he said, elicited his mood to change from ‘mad asf’ to ‘loving you’

♡ he pounced on you, causing you to fall sideways and squeal but he simply did not give a fuck

♡ ‘baby! i am so sorry! i didn’t think what i said would make you cry!’ he blubbered, or at least, that’s what it sounded like since you couldn’t actually see him due to the fact he had trapped you under the blankets, ‘i don’t know why i even said that! you’re not like that at all- i don’t think of you like that!’

♡ he paid little regard for your pleas of mercy as you squirmed frantically under the blanket, trying to escape his grip and body weight. he simply continued babbling on about how sorry he was and how amazing you are, ‘you are down here with the rest of us - i just said for no reason. please don’t be mad! you are - what does bokuto call it again? - oh! a humble--’

♡ ‘shōyō! i’ll forgive you if you get off me right now - i can hardly breathe!’

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lasnevadaslaborunion · 3 years

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Ayyo it's Potentially Controversial Opinion Hour

I love the spectacle and drama of the Butcher Army arc as much as anyone, but I genuinely believe that c!Techno having a trial was an incredible missed opportunity

Would it have been rushed, possibly rigged, and a foregone conclusion that led to an execution anyway? Well... probably. But hear me out.

In this version of events, the Butcher Army is a little harder to misconstrue as a one-dimensional evil. At this point, they're trying to maintain a sense of order and fairness, even though those foundations are clearly falling apart at the seams due to fear of outside interference. New L'Manberg's escalation of violence occurs far more gradually, and we see elements of both the nation's fading diplomatic roots and increasing desperation for security in its methods for confronting war criminals.

On the other hand, c!Techno is acutely aware that this is a mere formality that is unlikely to change the cabinet's decision, that the odds are stacked against him. He is frustrated by what he sees as proof of government corruption, even more so when c!Phil's testimony in his favor is completely dismissed. It's almost more insulting than if they had just killed him. He spends a good portion of the trial joking and not taking anything seriously, before the state establishes its case in earnest and obliterates arguments he barely bothered to make; it's at this point that he goes all-in and we get one of his famous speeches. This sudden eloquence unfortunately does not endear him to his captors. His ideals do not waver, and neither do theirs.

c!Quackity acts as the prosecutor, of course. He gets a chance to go full lawyer mode and just lay out every detail of c!Techno's crimes. Communication is his greatest strength, after all, and the one area where he is on equal footing with the server's greatest fighters. If c!Techno is eventually sentenced to death but escapes his execution and kills c!Q in that duel anyway, this infuriates c!Q even more than it already did; once again he attempted to resolve a crisis the civilized way, and once again he was not only unsuccessful, but left humiliated and overpowered by an uncaring threat. He will never make the same mistake twice, never trust anyone's good intentions, never invoke the peaceful rule of law against those who will not respect it. His only option left is to fight dirty.

As for who the defense attorney would be, my first thought was c!Ranboo... but then I wondered, what if they offered the job to c!Niki? She was there during Pogtopia, and knows c!Techno's history (does this make her a stronger candidate, or is it believed that she will argue only halfheatedly?). This gives her a chance to do something else significant leading up to L'Manberg's final destruction, and offers more buildup to her joining c!Techno. It also furthers her arc about feeling like no one listened to her, that she was all alone after c!Wilbur's suicide. Like c!Techno, she believes that her position is not an honor or a serious attempt at fair representation for the accused, but merely an illusion of justice. c!Niki resents this. Regardless of her feelings about c!Techno's actions, she pours all her energy into his defense and holds her own.

c!Tubbo oversees as judge. He is frightened of c!Techno, equally reluctant to incur his cabinet's disapproval, and insists on handling the situation calmly and logically. He will be better than c!Schlatt. He needs to be kinder, wiser, fairer than his predecessor. He needs to prove that he can deliver the justice his people want, the way the nation's founder would be proud of. But as the arguments from both sides become more heated, as the details of L'Manberg's destruction are hashed out, as his own gruesome death is narrated to him and presented as evidence of c!Techno's bloodthirst and hypocrisy, detached impartiality becomes more and more difficult to maintain. c!Tubbo cannot bear this joke of a trial any longer. He silences the court and makes his decision.

Now, I doubt this would change anything substantial about the overall trajectory of Season 2. The cabinet still tries to hunt down everyone on their hit list. c!Techno is still mad about being executed, opposes the government on principle, and destroys L'Manberg. c!Niki still has her breakdown and burns down L'Mantree. c!Fundy still turns against his father's creation before isolating himself in the wilderness. c!Ranboo is still disillusioned with the server's conflicts and rejects the idea of choosing sides. c!Quackity still loses faith in the ideals of diplomacy he once held dear and turns to violence to survive. c!Tubbo still cracks under the weight of his responsibility and sacrifices his reputation, integrity, and nearly his life to live up to those expectations.

But holding a trial turns the Butcher Army into an explicit ideological and character-driven conflict, instead of a mostly physical one. It smooths out a lot of character arcs, gives more screentime to those who were ignored before, and gives everyone an obvious opportunity to clarify and defend their beliefs.

So yeah. I just think it would have been really cool

#dsmp #analysis #c!tubbo #c!techno #c!quackity #c!niki #c!fundy #c!ranboo #long post #the butcher army is probably the arc i have the most mixed feelings about #it's so exciting and cinematic and influential... but it always felt a little rushed?#then again. that's an issue with season 2 in general #tw suicide #tw execution #critical #but only very gently

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abigail-pent · 3 years

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TLT Theory Redux: Secret Doors and Heists

gather round the fire, children, for I have finished my third reread and I have theories to spin. they are interconnected. they will also take the form of "a listicle, kind of". This is not as tightly written/cited as I hoped it would be, many thanks to tumblr for eating the first version of this post.

THEORY #1: HARROW WAS RIGHT

About what? Probably lots of things, but specifically about the secret door. You remember Harrow's "secret door theory," right? On GTN p. 303, Harrow and Palamedes are having an argument about what is going on in Canaan House. Harrow makes fun of Palamedes' idea that there is such a thing as a Lyctoral megatheorem. Pal lightly mocks Harrow's "secret door" theory, about which she says:

"But all this is more than unsustainable, Sextus. The things they've shown us would be powerful -- would bespeak impossible depth of necromantic ability -- if they were replicable. These experiments all demand a continuous flow of thanergy. They've hidden that source somewhere in the facility, and that's the true prize."

The action picks up pretty quickly after this, and you just sort of forget about Harrow's theory since Pal's theory is so quickly proven correct. It's set up to make you think these theories are competing, but they're not. Harrow and Pal are both right.

Proposition 1: An entrance to the River -- or perhaps the part of the River on the other side of the stoma -- is hidden under Canaan House.

Evidence for Proposition 1:

1A) On GTN p. 191, Teacher says, about Silas siphoning Colum in the facility: "He cannot empty anybody here, lest they become a nest for something else!" This is highly reminiscent of HTN p. 98, when Mercy says: " A Lyctor's body, empty, with its battery intact but nobody in the driver's seat? Do you know what could take up residence? Anything could get inside you -- any horrible or evil or lonely thing, any miserable revenant, or worse." These two places are described very similarly; they may well be the same.

1B) I'm missing the citation, exactly, but I'm pretty sure it's textual that the first time the Lyctors + John ran from RBs, they ran by dropping into the River. Quite possibly from Canaan House itself.

1C) Teacher. We know he hates the water (GTN p. 325), we know he was created for the "sole purpose of safeguarding the place" (GTN p. 373). Of course, the whole place is surrounded by saltwater.

1D) When Ianthe and Cytherea are fighting and Canaan House is disintegrating, "brackish water from the fountain spattered across the floor and trickled into the cracks" (GTN p. 418). It's been well established already that 'brackish' is the word used to refer to River water. It's also the word used to describe the water that emits from Colum's mini stomae when he dies (GTN p. 393). Why is the fountain water brackish when other water in Canaan House -- for example, the pool -- is saltwater? Seems like a clue!

Proposition 2: Whatever is behind the secret door is the source of John's power.

Evidence for Proposition 2:

2A) During the big confrontation with John in HTN (p. 478-479), Augustine's suspicions echo Harrow's from GTN p. 303, when she's describing the secret door theory. He says:

"You've offered us explanations for everything over the years. But -- some of them didn't hold up on examination . . . It was the power I could never get my head around, you know? I follow power back to its source, John. It's the skill you asked me to perfect. And the longer I looked at yours, the less things added up."

Leaving aside for now the fascinating question of why John would ask Augustine to cultivate this skill, he goes on to ask:

"You're God, John. But -- as the Edenites are fond of pointing out -- you were once a man. So whither that transition? Where does your power come from? Even if the Resurrection had been the greatest thanergy bloom ever triggered, it would drain away over time. And then Mercy said to me -- in a moment of true Mercy vileness -- she said, What is God afraid of?"

Proposition 2.1: The source of John's power is not exactly Alecto, but is Alecto-adjacent. Alecto is from the space behind the secret door.

2.1A) Alecto is called a saltwater creature (HTN p. 328).

2.1B) The oldest parts of Canaan House are where the power emanates from (citation needed, but I’m sure it’s there). They are also the parts closest to the sea. As Teacher says (HTN p. 110): "The base of Canaan House dates back to before the Resurrection. We first built upward, to get away from the sea; then we built outward, to strive toward beauty."

2.1C) The Sleeper is identified with Alecto. Like Alecto, she carries a weapon, she sleeps in a coffin, she can’t be killed, and the River bubble crew is warned that the worst and most cataclysmic thing in the world would occur if she were ever to wake up (HTN p. 112, 185). Since the Sleeper is so clearly identified with Alecto, and is also identified as the presence that’s haunting the River bubble version of Canaan House, it suggests the connection between Alecto herself and the physical version of Canaan House.

Proposition 3: John has dammed the River underneath Canaan House by trapping the Earth Resurrection Beast there.

3A) Per HTN p. 43, we know there's one missing RB, since 9-5=4>3.

3B) Abigail thinks something is messed up in the River and it's dammed, and spirits cannot get across. On HTN p. 396-397, she says:

“A spirit can be trapped, trapped as every spirit in the River is trapped . . . I think there is a whole school of necromancy we cannot begin to touch until we acknowledge its existence – I think these centuries of pooh-poohing the idea that there is space beyond the River has stifled entire avenues of spirit magic, and I believe the Fifth House is waning entirely due to us reaching a stultified, complacent stage in our approach . . . Something has gone terribly wrong in the River, Harrow, and I wish you’d find out what.”

She’s describing a dam in the River that traps ghosts there. This is extremely consistent with what Teacher tells Harrow about what’s down in the facility (see 3E).

3C) On GTN p. 213, Cytherea suggests that "something has been lurking [in the Canaan House facility] forever", and when Harrow insists that "[A spirit] cannot sustain itself", Cytherea replies: "But what if one could?" We know that Resurrection Beasts are revenants, and a revenant is a type of spirit; and if any spirit was going to be self-sustaining, it would be an RB.

3D) HTN p. 172: "The card up the sleeve of the revenant, and the Resurrection Beast, is that it can inhabit anything it's got a connection to. Anything thanergetically connected with their death." So what killed Earth? Climate change, plus a massive nuclear fission chain reaction. Historically, early nuclear fission chain reaction tests took place underneath the ground (see, for example, the facility at the University of Chicago). So an underground or underwater facility could very well be thanergetically connected to the death of Earth.

An RB may very well be a continuous source of thanergy; and if this is the case, John may want to kill or neutralize the other RBs to keep other people from rivaling his power. Or better yet: harness the other RBs the same way Earth's RB was harnessed.

3E) On GTN p. 152, Teacher literally tells Harrow that the ten billion are haunting the facility. Harrow says she is “repeating exactly – to the word—what Teacher said to [her]”:

“Down there resides the sum of all necromantic transgression. The unperceivable howl of ten thousand million unfed ghosts who will hear each echoed footstep as defilement. They would not even be satisfied if they tore you apart. The space beyond that door is profoundly haunted in ways I cannot say, and by means you won’t understand; and you may die by violence, or you may simply lose your soul.”

For those of you following along at home: ten thousand million = 10,000 x 1,000,000 = 10,000,000,000 = 10 billion, or the exact number of people who died in the Resurrection. This is of course completely consistent with the Earth RB being down there, somewhere in or under the facility, because the revenant of a planet includes the spirits of every living thing on it when it was murdered.

Proposition 3.1: Alecto is one of the physical anchors for the Earth RB.

3.1A) HTN p. 454: “The only sure way to banish a revenant is to destroy the physical anchor it inhabits before it can escape the shell.” If John’s cavalier is the physical anchor for the Earth Resurrection Beast, which is the source of his power, then this would justify the characterization of Alecto as the “death of the Lord”: if she’s a physical anchor and she is destroyed, then so is the source of John’s power.

3.1B) She was the first Resurrection, and it’s plausible that she would be thanergetically connected to the death of Earth.

3.1C) HTN p. 495: Pyrrha notes that the stoma “must think [John] is a Resurrection Beast.” Which is a super interesting mistake for the stoma to make! But if John’s cavalier is a physical anchor for a RB, this mistake becomes more understandable.

Proposition 4: The other side of the stoma is not a trash space, and John actually can access it. He uses it as a battery for his necromancy. It’s a storage space for RBs, and now I guess for Lyctors too. (this is the most galaxy brain proposition, and evidence is slim)

4A) On HTN p. 340, John says: “It is a portal to the place I cannot touch -- somewhere I don't fully comprehend, where my power and my authority are utterly meaningless.” But this is the kind of shit John lies about on the reg, so take what he says and apply opposite day rules.

4B) if the other side of the stoma is related to the River Beyond, it would be to John’s advantage to keep the Fifth House scholarship from treating the River Beyond seriously (see 3B). If they don’t take it seriously as a branch of scholarship, they can’t learn anything about it, and they can’t let the RBs out from where John is keeping them.

4C) this could be why John condemns soul siphoning (GTN p. 340). If soul siphoning sends the cavalier’s soul to the other side of the stoma, and the power that floods into the empty body is from the other side of the stoma, then soul siphoning threatens John’s monopoly on use of power.

This brings me to Theory #2, born out of a delightful discussion with @mayasaura: the heist in ATN is not going to open the Tomb at all. Instead, it’s going to open the part of the River underneath Canaan House, and the goal is to free the Earth RB. After all, the Tomb has been open for seven years already.

Extant questions:

1) Mercy seemed so sure that the RBs were coming back and targeting Alecto in particular. But Alecto stayed in the Nine Houses, and didn’t get eaten by any RBs, and the Ninth House is still there. So why does Mercy think Alecto is a target, or makes the rest of them into targets? If she was lied to, what is the purpose of this lie?

2) Why does John want Augustine to hone the skill of following power back to its source?

3) If RBs eat Lyctors and both RBs and Lyctors are in the hammer space on the other side of the stoma, then, like… hey Augustine and Ulysses… are you guys ok??

#tlt meta #tlt spoilers #locked tomb spoilers #locked tomb meta #gideon the ninth #gideon the ninth spoilers #harrow the ninth #harrow the ninth spoilers

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 3 years

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hi I’m here to review the Clementine comic. it’s not good.

Does this even need an introduction? You know why I’ve gathered you all here today. You know the comic exists, and you probably know that it’s not great and we’re all upset about it.

Myself included. I am not okay. At all.

Skybound could’ve literally spit in my face and I’d come out feeling better than I did reading this comic, because this comic is an insult to the original Telltale games and Clementine as a character.

This comic is a fancy fanfic. Glorified fanfiction. It’s not canon, and Skybound and Tillie can pretend that it is, but it’s not. Bold of them to assume we’d just accept this from people who didn’t work on the original games and never wrote for Clementine before, and based on this comic alone, any chance of us taking it seriously is gone.

I’m gonna go through every single page, every panel, of this comic and give you my review. So I guess if you’re worried about spoilers [though at this point why would you?] then be warned, spoilers for the entire comic ahead.

I also wanna add that I have nothing against Tillie Walden. I know a lot of dingdongs are harassing her on insta over this comic and that’s not okay. You telling her how much you hate her isn’t going to change anything. If anything, you keep being assholes to her and she’s just gonna block everything out, even things simply critiquing her work in hopes that it helps her improve.

You’re allowed to be upset about the comic and share your feelings about it, but don’t take it out on the actual human being like that. Besides, like I’ve said before, if Tillie wasn’t gonna make the comic, Skybound would’ve found someone else to do. This was coming no matter what because Skybound wants that coin.

That being said, I’m not going to hold back my opinions on this comic. Skybound and Tillie made this comic, they put it out there and asked for money for it, therefore I’m allowed to explain why it’s garbage as well as ponder over the questionable intent and whether or not Tillie actually has played these games. Y’know, it’s like how I have nothing against Kent, but sometimes he says things I disagree with and well, y’know how it goes.

Alright, this is gonna be long, so let’s go--

The first few shots we get are of the school, two people sleeping, and Clementine’s empty bed. Nothing super note-worthy, we have no idea who is sleeping in the beds, it’s just there to establish that it’s early and everyone’s still asleep.

The drawing of the school looks fine? Not super accurate, but I can give it a pass since it’s a few years later, I assume. What I can’t give a pass is how you managed to already mess up on the first page of your comic.

Because..... why are you implying that Clementine’s room is upstairs? First of all, seems kinda dumb to put Clem, who has only one leg and has to walk with crutches, upstairs. Also, if you’ve played TFS and paid any attention to where her room is actually located [the dorms] then you’d know there isn’t any stairs leading to their floor. It’s the side building next to the admin building, you walk through the door, go down the hall, take a left and their dorm is right there sooo.....

Oh right, it’s probably done this way so that we can have such a suspenseful moment where Clementine is sneaking out while the others are asleep and her foot makes a creeeeeeakk that could wake everyone up, thwarting her plans of abandoning everyone quietly so she doesn’t have to deal with any consequences.

Because yeah, Clementine is sneaking out with all of her supplies because apparently, she’s been planning an escape from this place for a while.

And just look at how gosh darn happy she is about it. You can’t see or hear me, but know that I’m laughing. Don’t worry, I will talk about her abandoning everyone later.

But first, I have a gripe with Clementine's design in this comic. It doesn’t look like her. This art of her right here is the most accurate we get throughout all 12 pages, and it’s the best looking, too.

Moving on, she slams the door shut while this walker changes faces and hair between panels, so that’s cool. I will say, I like the idea of the Ericson crew putting spikes on the door. That’s fun.

Though Clementine slamming the door shut while trying to sneak out seems counter productive but it fits with the theme this comic has of inconsistency, so it works.

Next we have Clementine going to what I believe is the fishing shack by the river, and she’s going through some things that she’s stashed away, telling us that she’s been planning this escape for a while.

Oh good, she has a map. Well at least now she won’t get lost out there in the woods while she makes her escape... also that last panel with her profile.... why does it look so funny? Like this page of the comic doesn’t look too bad, but there is something off putting about her eye there and how she has zero expression.

And it turns out that rustle was a walker, and Clementine is super inconvenienced by this and gives us our first piece of witty dialogue.

Yeah you dumb walker, can’t you see Clementine is busy running away from home and abandoning all of her loved ones without a single goodbye so she doesn’t have to witness the consequences of her selfish actions?? Gosh, so rude.

Just a heads up, the dialogue in this comic is stilted, emotionless, and bland. The words have no flow, no charm, and never feel like they should be coming out of Clementine’s mouth. Then again, the upcoming graphic novels this is tied to are for young adult/middle graders so I guess we have to dumb everything down so their baby brains can process it.

.....Why does her face look like that? Also, interesting that she decided to move her ponytail to the other side of her head.... which is a thing that happens throughout this comic, her hair will randomly change sides.

I believe it’s a metaphor for her changing and inconsistent personality.

So yeah, Clementine is just making off with the supplies she gathered [I’m sure Ericson doesn’t need ‘em anyway] and she’s just so gosh darn annoyed at all these small inconveniences bothering her.... because it’s just too early for this.

.....Again, why does her face look like that?

I’m sorry, like I get it, Tillie’s style is supposed to be purposely messy yet minimal but it doesn’t work. When you do a comic in a more messy style, usually it has charm and heart put into it. Effort goes into the messy look, and when things are minimal, that usually means more clean, yeah? So you put them together and just..... that is nothing resembling Clementine’s face.

Can we just--

Look at canon Clementine’s face. Look at the way her eyebrows are shapes, how wide her eyes are with her eye lashes. The dirt on her skin, the lines-- there is so much personality in her features. It doesn’t matter if she’s wearing a neutral expression or she’s expressing anger or joy or sorrow or whatever.

Now, is it fair to compare a model of Clem from the games to the Clem in this comic? Well, I assume that if Tillie is doing this comic, she would use references from the game to ensure that Clementine is recognizable, especially now that she’s no longer wearing her signature hat.

So why does she look like this? Why do I look at these drawings of her face and see nothing but a pair of eyes, a nose, and a mouth? You might as well draw me a simple smiley face. And I get that it’s a comic, and it’s a lot of work to draw the same character over and over again and you gotta cut corners somewhere, but maybe put some effort into the close up shots of her face so that we can actually see it’s her?

Other fan artists have made comics in their styles that shine bright with Clementine’s personality, so what happened here?

Anyway, surprise..... it’s not a walker annoying Clementine.

........Why does AJ look like that??? I’m sorry, I hate to do the same thing I just did but--

Just because you put Clementine’s hat on AJ that doesn’t automatically make it him. I just.... wow. This feels like there wasn’t a single reference involved, like if someone gave Tillie a basic description of AJ and she just did this.

But appearances aside, what is AJ saying? He says that he knew it, that Clementine’s leaving and I cannot stand this dialogue. It’s unnatural. Again, I know you wanna dumb it down for all of us because I guess we dumb.... but this conversation does not feel natural.

“I knew it. You’re leaving.” “AJ....” “I’m coming.”

Even if you changed it to, “I’m coming with you.” it would sound more natural. Hell, he doesn’t even question WHY she’s leaving, he just stands there like “I’m coming” like??? I’m sorry, have you ever heard a single word this murder baby has said? I assume you have because I assume you actually played TFS, right? Soooo.... what happened here?

.....whY DO THEIR FACES LOOK LIEK THAT KSAJDLKJAS:LKDJLKASJD:L--

So now we’re getting into it.... into the bullshit.

Clementine tells AJ to go back to the school, and AJ says that she wasn’t even going to say goodbye..... and then more bad dialogue that sound unnatural when you try to fucking read it.

First off.... AJ’s reaction to Clementine attempting to leave is barely anything. Again, I hate to keep questioning if you actually played TFS, but AJ would throw a fucking fit if he caught Clementine out here ALONE like this, attempting to leave.

And then he says “Like last time? You were going to come back?” this sentence makes my brain hurt. I just.... “Like last time, right? You’re coming back?” UGH

Wow, I feel nothing.

I’m sitting here watching these two imposters with fucked up faces who are supposed to be Clementine and AJ and I feel nothing.

I’m not even going to comment on the faces anymore. You can see it. You know.

So yeah... AJ tells her the #1 rule, and reminds her that she promised.

Y’know.... she promised that she would never leave him again? Remember? At the McCarroll ranch? That flashback that was in TFS? The one you would watch if you played the game?

Why is she looking straight at me when she should be looking at AJ as she says this? Is this Clementine’s way of telling me she’s sorry for what a shitty direction this is taking? I wouldn’t know because her face isn’t doing anything. Just because you draw a couple of tears that doesn’t mean I’m feeling the emotional heartbreak you’re attempting to convey.

I don’t have enough middle fingers for this.

Well, my hat’s off to you. Ya did it. Ya fucked up everything single part of Clementine’s character in the span of two pages, I’m almost impressed.

First off, the baby thing is weird. Why is she calling him that? She’s never called him that, which you should know.

Second, she’s not happy and that’s why she’s leaving. Clementine isn’t happy, and AJ can’t make her happy. Ericson can’t make her happy. So she’s going to go out on the road to.... what, be unhappy by herself?

I’m sorry, but apparently we need a few reminders here of who Clementine is, because this isn’t her.

This is Clementine.

Clementine fought for years to find a home, something she hasn’t had since she was an eight-year-old girl before the apocalypse. The motor-inn wasn’t a home, the cabin wasn’t home, the ski-lodge, Howe’s, Wellington, Richmond, Prescott, none of them were home.

She struggled for years, dealing with trauma after trauma while out on the road. She went from group to group, watching people she cared about die and she was powerless to do anything about it. Whenever she let her guard down and become comfortable, it bit in her in the ass and left her heartbroken.

She was there when AJ was born. She grew close to Rebecca while she was pregnant, she let herself do that even after everything she went through with Christa. Clementine had a bond with AJ even before he was born, and after Rebecca died, she did what she could to keep him safe, despite play choice.

She cried when she thought AJ died and when she found him in that car again. She swore to protect him, to raise him right and love him. All they had was each other.

And when she joined the new frontier and AJ got sick, she risked everything to save him and she was devastated when they took him away from her. When she found out he was alive, she is willing to go as far as helping Lingard overdose [INJECTING HIM HERSELF IF SHE HAS TO] to figure out his location. She did shitty things to find him, she killed people at McCarroll Ranch to find him again.

Clementine raised him and he is her family, do you understand that? She went to hell and back for him, she taught him how to protect himself, and even though she made mistakes she sacrificed everything for him. She promised him that they would have a home of their own one day, she talked about how much she wished for a world where she didn’t have to worry about fighting and killing and AJ could just be a happy kid.

She fought for Ericson, she watched her friends die or become mutilated by someone from her past. She allowed herself to be vulnerable enough to pursue a romantic relationship with Louis or Violet because she felt safe with them, felt safe at Ericson because it’s their home now.

And when Clementine was bit, she thought she was going to die but she still fought to make sure AJ would be safe and happy without her and it was heartbreaking. She’s dying and the only thing she cares about is AJ. Not herself, not what’s going to happen to her after she dies or turns... no, she tries to make AJ smile again, she makes sure he remembers the rules, and she tells him that she loves him.

Then he cuts off her leg, and she survives. AJ saved her fucking life, and she got to wake up at home and live to see her family again. She got to push AJ on a tire swing, she got to eat a hot meal and laugh with her friends, she got to make plans with her lover/best friend for what’s next for Ericson, and she got to talk to AJ and tell him the truth... and she asked him if she did a good job, and he’s honest with her right back.

Hell, she tells him to keep her hat. Her iconic hat. The one thing she has left of her father, possibly her more cherished item. She lets him keep it.

The last time we see Clementine, she’s happy. She’s sitting on the steps by herself, staring at her family with such fondness in her eyes and a smile on her face because she finally did it. She finally found a home where she can breathe. She has a bed to sleep in, she has AJ with her, she has a boyfriend/girlfriend who loves her and who she loves back, she has friends she can rely on.

Clementine smiles, and lets out a small laugh.

She doesn’t have to run anymore.

And now you have the balls to tell me that AJ and Ericson don’t make Clementine happy anymore.

She abandons everything to go back out on the road again, and that’s proof enough for me that you don’t understand a damn thing about Clementine or her journey.

“ I don't even know the person I'm talking about... It's like all we have in common is the same name.”

....Anyway.

Wow, Clementine found a car and kept is stashed. How lazy and convenient for this bullshit plot.

And this is the part where I have to tell this comic to fuck off.

What, you think if you throw in an incredibly inaccurate flashback next to a current pair of hugging Clem and AJ that I’ll feel anything but anger? That flashback is a slap to the face. It’s snowing, but the only time we’ve seen snow is in S2 when AJ was a literal new born, so why is he that big? Is that supposed to be from ANF because that ALSO doesn’t look like that AJ, and that’s not the outfit Clementine had on... AND there was no snow. This is cheap and meaningless.

Any fan of the series who has played through the games could tell you this.

So.... AJ runs into the woods and then we get this garbage.

This comic is awful. It misses the point of everything TFS, and the rest of the series, stood for. There is no heart here. I feel no happiness in reading it, and I don’t detect any passion behind it. It’s a lifeless comic that retcons everything in order to throw AJ away and start fresh with a new adventure for Clementine that makes no sense because the cow isn’t profitable unless it’s milked.

This isn’t canon, and it won’t ever be canon, and honestly? At this point, I have no faith in the graphic novel trilogy. It will take a lot to do a turn around from this, and I don’t even know if that’s possible.

Again, to reiterate, I don’t have anything personal against Tillie Walden herself. She’s just doing her job, and from what I’ve seen of her as a person, she seems like a sweetheart. I don’t want anyone giving her shit because I think the comic isn’t good or that you agree with me. All of my anger is directed at the comic itself, her work, not specifically her.... and a little bit at Skybound, because they’re the reason this is even a thing in the first place.

So yeah.... there ya have it.

#twdg #twdg clementine #twdg aj #twdg louis #twdg violet #i got mad while writing this up #i had to chill and make tea #i don't want to be mean but like.....#this comic makes me mad #it's dumb because it shouldn't make me mad but it does #and because it does that only makes me madder #hahaha #i am just not a happy camper right now #ugh #long post

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lilyofthesword-writes · 4 years

Text

The Intern (Loki Oneshot)

Summary: Loki takes an interest in the latest of a long line of Stark’s interns.

Pairing: Loki x Reader (Can be read as platonic, if preferred)

Word Count: 2,809

Disclaimers/Warnings: None. Just a bit of fluff.

A/N: This wound up turning into something entirely different from the original concept. Just kinda went with what felt right. Also trying desperately to remember working with an Arduino board to make this at least semi-accurate.

Masterlist

Loki traipsed aimlessly through the Tower, his overly-friendly insomnia having kept him up past four in the morning again. Nothing seemed to help him sleep and he constantly grew bored laying around in his room waiting for exhaustion to overtake him. Wandering about seemed as good as anything. Sometimes he would come across something interesting. It seems now would be that time.

He rounded the corner and found himself gazing through the wall-length windows of Tony Stark’s lab. The armor-less Iron Man was passed out in a chair, head haphazardly lolling on a table. Usually, he was still working and would be until at least seven a.m. before Pepper would literally drag him to bed.

Movement at the other end of the room caught his eye. There you were, pulling a blanket out of the cupboard. You crossed the lab and placed the well-used cloth over Stark’s shoulders before returning to your work. Sliding your safety glasses on, you put all your focus into soldering some wires to a board.

What in the nine realms were you doing here at this hour? The sun hadn’t even reached the horizon yet. None of his previous interns ever started their days before nine. Albeit, they had barely lasted a week while you broke a record at just over a month, but the point still stood. Why were you here?

“Are you just going to stand there like a creeper, Loki, or are you going to come in and hang out?” you called out, not even bothering to tear your eyes away from the wiring.

Well, this excursion could prove to be interesting. Loki slithered through the doorway to stand opposite of you at your table.

“So what are you doing up this early?” you murmured. If it weren’t for you glancing up at him, someone may have thought it was more of a question for yourself.

Loki huffed a laugh. “I could ask you the same question.”

That elicited a quirky smile from you. “Woke up way before my alarm and couldn’t fall back asleep. Figured I’d start my day early.” You gestured toward Stark with the soldering iron. “This one over here is pretty lenient on the hours.”

“I would hope so,” Loki chuckled, “considering his own schedule.”

“A schedule that consists of planned energy drink breaks. Definitely one of the more interesting employers out there.”

“I suppose you could say that,” he mumbled, leaning heavily on his forearms propped on the table.

You set down the soldering iron in its stand and shut if off. “So I answered your question. How about you?”

“I simply could not sleep,” he nonchalantly replied.

“Hmm...” you hummed. “Lemme guess. A member of Insomniacs Anonymous?”

His chuckle reverberated through the room. This was probably one of the reasons Stark kept you around. You certainly had a particular snarky confident air about you.

Yet the corners of your mouth suddenly hung low and your brow scrunched together. “It’s more than that, isn’t it?”

“Pardon?” He was confused at your change in demeanor.

“It’s not as simple as you couldn’t sleep. There’s more to it.”

Loki’s lips parted in astonishment. Here you were in your first true encounter with him and you read him like an open book. What had you been told?

“I won’t make you say anything.” You held your hands up in a placating manner. “You probably don’t want to, and that’s okay. However.” You grabbed the notepad next to you and scribbled something on it, ripping off the paper and sliding it towards him. “If you’re ever bored and I’m not here, you can text me. I’ll probably answer.”

He reluctantly took the note that had your number written on it. “I cannot say I am very adept with these cellular devices.”

“Pretty sure you’re clever enough to figure it out,” you grinned like the Cheshire Cat. “But seriously, no pressure. The offer is always out there.”

“Wha?!” Stark snorted himself awake, his eyes shooting around wildly. “Rudolf? What’re you doing here?” He eyed Loki suspiciously. “You’re not going to scare away my intern, are you? That’s my job.”

You laughed, keeping Loki from spitting a venomous retort. “Good luck with that. You’ll have to try a lot harder if that’s what you’re going for, Stark.”

“Obviously. You haven’t run off yet. I’m surprised.” He took the blanket that was wrapped around him and began folding it. “Pleasantly surprised.”

“Sure, sure!” You waved him off.

Stark looked at his watch and swiped a hand through his purposely messy bed head. “It’s that time already. I better get breakfast before Pepper finds me... Alright!” He clapped. “Both of you, let’s go! Time for grub!”

Loki’s eyebrows shot up across his forehead. Was Stark actually having him join the two of you for breakfast?

“Yes, you too, Reindeer Games! One, I don’t want you in the lab alone.” That earned him Loki’s scowl. “Two, you seem to be behaving, so why not have you eat with us.”

You nudged Stark’s arm while shooting Loki an inconspicuous wink. “Awww, look at you! Already getting into Dad Mode and little Morgan hasn’t even entered the world yet.”

He nudged you back. “Yeah, yeah, yeah! Now come on. I’m starving!”

You continued to tease him as you followed him out of the lab with Loki close behind.

Loki lay in bed a few nights later, lost in thought. He could not get you out of his head. You had spoken with him like you would anyone else, deflected and stood up for him despite hardly knowing him. In the few years since he had been thrown to Midgard as punishment, Thor was the only one to show him a sliver of kindness, but even he held some hesitation. You did not. Your earlier interaction was genuine. He wasn’t sure what to make of it all.

In his perpetual deliberation, he had avoided the lab since that morning. Not that he didn’t like you. It was the uncertainty that kept him away, but that wouldn’t last much longer.

His phone settled lax in his hand, your name illuminating the screen. You had been right about him being able to learn how to text. Now it was a matter of completing the action. Tossing the phone to his other hand, he glared at the bright screen. His message had already been written. All he had to do was select “Send”. The clock at the top of the screen read two a.m. Surely, you would be asleep... But what if you weren’t?

With a huff, he pinched his eyes shut and hit the button, the swooshing sound seemingly echoing off the walls. The following silence was deafening. Luckily for him, the reply swoosh fell inline shortly after.

You: Hey, Loki. Can’t sleep?

Loki: How did you know who this was without me saying?

You: I can’t think of anyone else who would text me at this hour. ;)

Loki: I apologize if I woke you.

You: Nah. Already up. Trouble staying asleep. So what’re you up to?

Loki: Texting you.

You: Other than that, Mischief

Loki: Thinking.

You: Yeah? About what?

Loki: Possibly meandering through the Tower, again.

You: Liar ;)

Loki: Pardon?

You: You were obviously thinking about me.

Loki: What makes you say that?

You: You had to be. At least in the context that it would be better to text me than exploring.

Loki: Fair enough. Now, how do you know I am not planning to choose both?

You: You got me there.

—

Loki met you at the lab later that morning. The familiar sight of Stark was passed out, snuggling his face to a countertop, greeted you both.

Shaking your head, you huffed a laugh as you passed through the doorway. “Can’t really reprimand him when my sleep schedule is just as bad.”

Loki’s lips curled into a light smirk but didn’t speak a word lest Stark awaken and force him to leave. Despite your two hour texting session, he had been looking forward to joining you here.

“Thanks for meeting me here, by the way,” you called out to him as still stood just at the edge of the lab. “A little company while working is kind of nice. Gets too quiet when Stark finally shuts down.”

Taking a seat across from you, Loki quirks an eyebrow. “Would that not be considered a blessing?”

You stifled a chuckle as you flipped on the soldering iron and pulled out what roughly looked like a vambrace. The board you had been working on previously was molded to the shape. “If that happened by the end of my workday, yes. This early in the morning? Not so much. It’s boring if not a little eerie.”

“I see... So I am only here for your entertainment,” he feigned offense.

You gasped dramatically, “Me? Never!”

Laughing with you, Loki made himself a bit more comfortable as he watched you work. At the moment, you were adding tiny capacitors and securing them into place.

“If I may, what are you trying to accomplish?”

“Well,” you started, glancing up at him. “It’s a new piece of armor. Other than that, I technically shouldn’t say much else.”

“Right... Classified information?”

There was a twinkle of mischief in your eyes as you looked at him again. “It is a secret, but nothing quite as official as that.”

Loki leaned across the tabletop, supporting his chin in his hand. “So there is no harm in you revealing your project,” he tested.

“Harm? No. However, there will be disappointment on my end if you figure it out.”

“I accept this challenge,” he grinned playfully.

You smirked back,“As you wish, Mischief. I won’t make this easy for you.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Darling.”

The next several weeks chaotically blurred together. At first, you allowed Loki to observe your project as you worked on it. Once the vambrace began to take on a more unique form, you were hiding it in the mornings, opting to take on a different assignment when he was in the room. The design was strikingly Asgardian, leading him to believe the new armor was for Thor. He just needed to figure out what it did. He spoke with his brother on multiple occasions but was unable to glean anything from him. Either he had no clue or suddenly learned to lie well enough to fool Loki, the latter highly doubtful.

Apart from politely harassing you via text, Loki took to locating your hiding spots, something that proved difficult when the lab was almost always occupied by you, Stark or Banner at varying times. Stark was helping you keep this little secret, a sparkle in his eyes whenever he shooed Loki from the room when he was caught investigating. Even Banner was in on it, albeit reluctantly.

Then there was that Doctor Strange who was showing up every few days, joining you all in the lab much to Loki’s chagrin. By that point, Stark had banned him from the entire floor. The project must have been coming to a close if you all were trying to cover it up so desperately. But why Strange? Was he imbuing the vambrace with magic to protect Thor better? (Not that he really needed it.) His curiosity was certainly getting the better of him, going so far as to shape-shift as one of you three when Strange wasn’t around to get into the room. Somehow, Friday always knew and alerted the lab’s occupants who would send him back to the elevator.

It was early one morning as he was perusing the contents of the shared kitchen that you initiated contact with him. He was surprised since he had been the one to text you first lately to see if you would spill your secret.

You: Hey. Can you stop by the lab?

Loki: Oh? I thought I was banned.

You: Lifted as of a few minutes ago. So?

Loki: I suppose I might be able to grace you with my presence.

You: So kind of you, my King ;)

His heart skipped a beat at you calling him “your King”. You only used it in a teasing fashion when he was acting high and mighty. Even then, it still flustered him.

Loki made his way to the elevator, deeming it a bit devious to take the long way to the lab. You had made him wait all this time. It was your turn.

The doors reopened on the lab floor, revealing that his ploy to annoy had worked. You were leaned against the wall next to the elevator, waiting for his arrival.

“Finally! Come on!”

You audaciously grabbed his wrist and dragged him into the room with an impatient grin. Stopping him near your normal workstation, you demanded he close his eyes.

“Excuse me?” he responded incredulously, ripping his arm from your grasp.

“Please, Loki...” Your pleading eyes grew larger as you pouted at him.

Stark groaned, “Just do it, Reindeer Games, or I’ll cover them for you.”

Loki’s lips reared into a snarl as he glared at the billionaire before relenting and clenching his eyelids shut. Norns, how he hated those nicknames.

“Okay!” Excitement laced your voice. “Would you hold up your dominant hand?”

“Making more demands, Darling?”

“I did ask nicely this time.”

“That you did,” he chuckled a complied, holding out a hand.

“Perfect!”

He felt a metallic weight placed on his forearm before it was clasped together with a comfortable tightness.

“Okay. You can look now!”

The sight of the vambrace on his arm left Loki’s mouth agape. The main black of the piece was lined with gold Asgardian knot designs with runes placed in a handful of the empty spaces. Near his wrist, an artificial emerald was embedded in the armor. If he had to be completely honest, the aesthetics could rival much of the armor back home.

“Well, Kid. It looks like you rendered him speechless.” Stark nudged your arm.

Loki’s gaze shot up to the two of you. Stark was leaning against the workstation while you had hoisted yourself to sit atop it, nothing but grins on either of your faces.

“What is this-”

You cut him off, “It’s for you. We noticed after some of your missions where you had to use your seiðr more than usual, you’d end up exhausted before getting back to the Quinjet. The new armor should help with that. It’s supposed to amplify your magic without draining you.”

Stark shoved you lightheartedly, again. “The kid noticed. Told ‘em if they could come up with something that could work, I’d give whatever resources needed for the project.”

“So what do you think? I mean we still need to undergo more testing and calibrations before you can use it in the field, but-”

“You made this?” Loki locked barely tearing eyes with you. “For me?”

“Yup! Kid designed the whole thing!” Stark kept you from answering. “Minus the bits we had to bring Strange in for the wizard-y things, this was a solo run. Did a pretty good job. Not sure I could have done much better.”

“Stark...” you grumbled, clearly not used to the praise.

“This is...” Loki tore his gaze away back to the vambrace. “I don’t... I don’t know what to say.” His voice was just loud enough for you to hear.

“A ‘thank you’ would be a good start. Now maybe this little intern will get more sleep,” Stark blundered before checking his watch. “Well, it’s about time for my morning scolding. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me!”

With that he whisked himself out of the room and to the elevator, leaving you and Loki in a terribly awkward silence.

“Hey...” you started. “If you don’t like it, we can scrap the design. It’s not a big deal-”

“Thank you.” His pupils were filled with a sincere gratefulness that few had ever seen before. “This is... This is simply splendid.”

“Really? You’re not just saying that?”

Loki spun on his heel to fully face you, his hands coming to rest on the countertop on either side of you. “I mean it, Darling. This... No one has ever done something like this for me before. I would be honored to be your test subject,” he ended with a smirk.

“Well, if that’s the case,” you grinned right back at him, “I’d say let’s get some breakfast first. There will be plenty of time to optimize the vambrace later.”

Pulling back enough to release you from his cage of arms, he gestured for you to lead the way. “After you,” he breathed.

Hopping down from the table, you held out a hand for him. Hesitantly, Loki took it while running a thumb over your knuckles as you pulled him to the elevator with you.

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shifuaang · 4 years

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I’ve censored names because I don’t want anyone to be sent hate, but this post and the amount of likes it got enraged me so much that I had to say something about it. This truly might be the worst take I’ve ever seen about both Katara and Aang.

Let’s address how this is harmful to Katara first. The original poster seems to want Katara to keep her scars for the aesthetic™, which is already a really gross concept, but I cannot stress enough how disgusting it is to want a female character to bear permanent, painful markings in order to give a male character ‘more development.’

We are shown routinely throughout ATLA that scars are not just physical indications of trauma but emotional ones as well.

The only person we see who has scars for “cool” character design reasons is Jeong Jeong, but even then we can assume he received them while he was fighting in the war or because he became a deserter.

All of these characters have these scars to serve as a constant reminder of the Fire Nation’s brutality and ruthlessness. Katara doesn’t need a physical reminder of this. She already deals with the tremendous, traumatizing loss of her mother on a daily basis. How could you possibly think that it would be good to scar Katara just to ‘punish’ Aang while completely disregarding how it will affect her emotionally?

Katara should not have to bear the emotional and physical weight of Aang’s mistakes in order to teach him a lesson.

It also completely undermines her moment when she learns she’s a healer. She gets this incredible gift that is so special to her because it means she is able to be both a fighter and a healer. These two sides of her are crucial in her fight for justice and compassion, and the healing aspect is a beautiful addition to a character who is so ‘down in the trenches’ in her approach to achieve these things.

This revelation is not only important to Katara as a character but also integral to so many pieces of the plot. If she hadn’t realized she could heal scars, she wouldn’t have offered to try healing Zuko’s in The Crossroads of Destiny. The chess pieces are constantly being set up in Book 1 in strategic and deliberate ways. I’m all for headcanons and fan concepts, but not when they dismantle the plot and characters for, frankly, sexist reasons.

Onto Aang.

There is absolutely zero indication that Aang did not suffer the consequences from burning Katara. He is immediately remorseful. He is so incredibly guilty that he swears off firebending for good. He is attacked by Sokka, and is probably reeling over the idea that his best friends and the only people he has in this world might never forgive him for his mistake.

But Katara does forgive him, way faster than he forgives himself, as we see him struggle with memory of hurting her well into Book 3.

Zuko burns Toph accidentally, but absolutely no one chastises him for this or holds him to the standards they hold Aang. And sure, you could argue Zuko makes his mistake as an act of self-defense while Aang is just goofing around, but Aang is literally twelve when this happened. Don’t tell me that you never unintentionally hurt yourself or others when you were messing around as a preteen. Sokka lists an array of injuries he’s sustained at the end of The Deserter, and while I’m sure most of them were self-inflicted, I can’t imagine that Katara wasn’t involved in any of those instances. They’re kids - all of them, and Aang is the youngest of the bunch, so of course he still has lessons to learn. That doesn’t mean he should have to suffer the ramifications of his adolescent mistakes forever.

His impatience to learn firebending also stems from the fact that he only has until summer’s end to do so. It’s not an excuse for him not taking Jeong Jeong’s warnings seriously, but it is an explanation. And he learns from it. The way we see him handle fire and the responsibility of bending fire in The Firebending Masters proves that he’s matured.

Aang, Book 1: Jeong Jeong tried to tell me that I wasn't ready. I wouldn't listen.

Aang, Book 3: All this time, I thought firebending was destruction. Since I hurt Katara, I've been too afraid and hesitant. But now I know what it really is ... it's energy, and life.

The audacity, the gall, the absolute nerve that it takes to say that Aang, a survivor of genocide who lost all of his family and friends and entire culture, “gets let off easy too much” is appalling to me. I’m not sure how many times I have to say that Aang honoring his culture and people and going against the tide - fighting back against the notion that he can’t preserve the traditions and beliefs of his people while being the Avatar at the same time - is not, by any stretch of the imagination, easy.

I don’t know how many times have to say that a child does not deserve to live with the trauma of killing someone, but I’m going to say it again. A CHILD DOES NOT DESERVE TO LIVE WITH THE TRAUMA OF KILLING SOMEONE.

If you truly still believe that the lion turtle/energybending is an easy fix, just read this meta because they explain perfectly why it is not.

And to the last point about Aang ‘getting to be with Katara’ as some kind of “reward” for winning the war, Aang never views Katara as a prize. Need I remind you that he completely drops any type of romantic expression towards her after she rejects his advances in The Ember Island Players? He lets her make the decision as to whether or not she wants to be with him. They get together because the timing is finally right for them - there is no more confusion or violence to prevent them from being together, and Katara no longer has to worry about losing someone she loves.

#aang defense squad #pro kataang #katara #aang #atla meta #atla #I'm not into gatekeeping but if you write a take this bad then I can't see how you understand the show at all tbh #it's so infuriating to me

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canary3d-obsessed · 3 years

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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 26 part one

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff)

Warning! Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

I’m Coming Up So You Better Get This Party Started

The Lans arrive just in time to see Cousin Jin Zixun hassling Su She, and they wonder how he has the fucking nerve to come to a party that they are also invited to.

Su she was invited by his new best friend Jin Guangyao, who deploys a full-on charm attack, wrapping Su She permanently around his little finger.

Smoother than the Lanling weather that’s how he holds himself together Watch out, he’ll charm you

Jin Guangyao grew up with women who earned their living by being charming, pleasant, and hiding their true thoughts from their clients, and he appears to have mastered this useful skill set. With Su She, he exudes confidence and authority, allowing the lesser man to bask in his attention.

With Zewu Jun he deploys helplessness and embarrassment, effectively controlling a man with much greater power than his own.

Lan Xichen confronts him about Su She's presence, and Jin Guangyao pretends he didn't know that Su She was ex-Lan. This seems super unlikely, given that JGY is good at collecting information that he can use to fuck with people, and also that he sheltered Lan Xichen from the Wens directly after Su She betrayed him.

Lan Xichen seems like he doesn't believe what JGY is telling him but then he decides to drop it, passive-aggressively saying that since JGY is uninformed, he's not guilty. Lan Xichen is actually assuming a lot here about his right to tell Jin Guangyao who to invite and who to shun, but JGY doesn't push back. Lying is so much simpler.

(more behind the cut!)

Su She wins for most unintentionally sarcastic-seeming toasting expression.

Jiang Cheng, Party Animal

Jiang Cheng arrives at the party, bringing his Jiang retinue and his bad temper. He super obviously casts around to try to find Wei Wuxian, who already told him he probably wasn't coming to the party.

Jiang Cheng is that guy who only comes to a party because the girl he likes said she was thinking about going, and then he spends the whole party saying "hey have you seen Mei Lin? She said she was going to be here but I don't see her."

Jin Guangyao formally congratulates Jiang Cheng on the Jiang clan's success in the hunt, and Jin Guangshan toasts him. As always, Jiang Cheng reacts to praise from authority figures like it's rain in the desert, smiling from ear to ear. He says that the Jiang Clan will donate the prey from the hunt to the other gentry clans. ...what?

Are we seriously saying that when these dudes go night hunting it's not just to remove dangerous bad stuff, it's for profit?

Like, do they eat monsters? Wear their fur? Make leather from their skin? Carve jewelry from their claws? Is Jiang Cheng wearing a purple monster's skin right now? (There will be an art prompt at the end of this post)

Meanwhile, check out the way Nie Huaisang is looking at Jiang Cheng, wow.

Forecast: Hazing

Having gotten the single pleasant part of the banquet over with, it's time for the Jins to pick on the Lans. Cousin Jin Zixun goads Lan Xichen into taking a drink with him, knowing that this is (mostly) against Lan rules. Jin Guangyao tries to stop him by saying, hilariously, that it's bad to drink and fly on a sword, but CJZX waves this away and keeps pushing, saying that if Lan Xichen won't drink, it's an insult to him.

A random cultivator who is definitely on the Jin payroll backs him up, saying that teetotaling is for losers, and Captain Blowhard boisterously agrees. Loudly agreeing with powerful people is the Yao clan's signature martial arts skill.

Jin Guangyao looks embarrassed and helpless, which is, as mentioned before, his own signature skill. But he's just playing his own part in this piece of theater; everything happening at this party (so far) is happening for the benefit of the Jin Clan. Cousin Jin Zixun is an ass, but he's not actually a loose cannon, and Jin Guangshan is clearly enjoying the Lans' discomfort.

Why? This entire party, the hunt, everything he's done since the end of the Sunshot campaign, has been designed to increase and consolidate his power. His main goal is to get the Yin Tiger seal, but reducing the status of the Lans is also a good move for him. The Lans have been the strongest opponents to the use of resentful energy, and worked the hardest to conceal and contain the Yin iron in the past. If he wants to use resentful energy as part of his own cultivation, he needs them to chill.

So this is a bit of a test; will they comply with the will of the larger group in order to avoid conflict, or will they refuse, which will allow him to label them as iconoclastic weirdos?.

Lan Xichen takes a long look at his brother, who is expressing all sorts of emotions while keeping his face very very still.

At a guess, he is thinking that this entire party is bullshit, that his brother's willingness to play along with these assholes is bullshit, that being viciously beaten for having a single drink in his life was bullshit, that Wei Wuxian not being here right now is bullshit.

Lan Xichen picks the "go along, get along" path, having his drink and using his magic skill of anti-intoxication to neutralize it, as he'd done previously when drinking with Wei Wuxian.

Cousin Jin Zixun picks on Lan Wangji next, and since he cannot magically or even non-magically tolerate alcohol, there is a real risk to his reputation if he drinks. But Lan Wangji breaks rules when he feels like it, not when people tell him to. He pointedly ignores the offered drink while Lan Xichen looks worried.

The rest of the party guests have a wide variety of reactions, none of them helpful, to these shenanigans. Jin Guanshan's son and heir watches with calm interest as the power dynamics play out.

All of this is actually not great strategy for the Jins. The Lans don't play little social games to gain power, because all that time they spend not drinking, not gossiping, and not doing other stuff? Is spent cultivating and practicing sword and musical battle forms. The Lan Bros are overwhelmingly powerful as individuals, and embarrassing them won't change that.

It's moot, ultimately, because Wei Wuxian chooses this moment to arrive.

Darkness Visible

Wei Wuxian actually made a big impressive stair-climbing entrance to Jinlintai a few minutes ago, with camera work echoing Lan Wangji's stair climb at the Wen Indoctrination Bureau from several episodes back.

But nobody was around to see that, other than us, and when he appears at the party it's in stealth mode; he steps into the frame from out of nowhere, and drinks Lan Wangji's unwanted drink.

Lan Wangji responds by looking at him like this for the next several minutes.

Wei Wuxian doesn't have time for their usual sport of Extreme Gazing, though; he came for a reason, which is to find and rescue Wen Ning. He gets right to it, asking Cousin Jin Zixun where he's keeping him.

Jiang Cheng, who is the king of worrying about the wrong fucking thing, jumps up to try to stop Wei Wuxian from talking. Like, seriously, he's ok with the Jins trying to take his clan's special extreme weapon, but he's not ok with his head disciple being rude in order to fulfill a whopper of a life debt--Jiang Cheng's life debt, in particular--or being rude in order to preserve the clan's independence.

Jin Guangshan decides this is a good moment to bring up the Yin tiger amulet. Wei Wuxian pushes back, hard, pointing out exactly what Jin Guangshan is doing. He says he's setting himself up to be a new Wen Ruohan.

Lan Wangji pays close attention to Wei Wuxian's reasoning here, and so does Nie Mingjue, unless he’s just trying to mask his confusion.

Jiang Cheng is too busy being horrified to listen, apparently. Or he just doesn’t agree, preferring to be reduced to a secondary authority, rather than defy a primary authority.

Wei Wuxian is, of course, all about independence; he was literally born to be a rogue cultivator, despite being dubbed “patriarch” himself, not long after this.

Let’s Go Crazy Let’s Get Nuts

Wei Wuxian gets tired of the scene and decides to lose his temper. He makes a show of being enraged, and he genuinely is angry, but I don't think he's out of control, this time.

He acts like he's out of control in order to scare everyone, but he makes his points very clearly, reminding everyone that he has power they don't have, that he's good at killing, that he's not patient, and that his teeth are nicer than everybody else’s.

Everybody in the room freaks out to one degree or another--except Jin Guangshan, who is apparently too pissed off to be scared.

It's hilarious that Jin Guangshan thought he was going to get Wei Wuxian to hand the Yin Tiger amulet over by creating a complex system of social pressure against him. Wei Wuxian's favorite way of responding to social pressure is to escalate it into violence, regardless of the consequences; he's been doing that at least since Gusu Summer School and probably a lot longer. Jin Guangshan should know this, given how many beatings his son has taken from Wei Wuxian over the years.

Wei Wuxian does a fantastically sexy scary, theatrical countdown, and Cousin Jin Zixun caves in and gives him the information he wants. It's worth noticing that even under threat of death, CJZX doesn't comply until he visually checks in with his clan leader. He’s genuinely a bad person, yes, but he’s a loyal soldier, which is what most of these clans value most.

As soon as he gets what he wants, Wei Wuxian is perfectly, smugly, in control of himself again. Everyone in the room is still stunned and afraid, so Jin Guangshan has achieved that much, at least; nobody likes Wei Wuxian having the Yin tiger seal now, including Jiang Cheng.

As he leaves, Wei Wuxian has one of those conversations with Lan Wangji in which everything is said in glances in the course of a couple of seconds.

WWX: I love you, I have to leave you; I've got some shit to take care of and I won't be coming back to all of this.

LWJ: I love you; I'm probably going to have to fight you; your funeral is going to be so upsetting

Wei Wuxian turns away from everyone, and you can see the weight settling on his shoulders, as he contemplates the choices he just made and the choices that are still ahead of him.

Jin Guangshan, for the first and only time, loses his temper in front of everybody, literally flipping a table because he's so mad about what just happened.

Art prompt: Jiang Cheng wearing an outfit made of a Chinese mythical creature. Bonus points if it’s a qilin. Bonus bonus points if Zhang Qiling (from DMBJ/Lost Tomb franchise) is standing next to him looking grumpy while Jiang Cheng wears an outfit made from a qilin.

Soundtrack: Get This Party Started by Pink, Charm Attack by Leona Naess, Let’s Go Crazy by Prince.

#the untamed #the untamed gifs #wangxian #restless rewatch the untamed #canary3d-original #my gifs #learn to count the yiling way #1900 words

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margoshansons · 3 years

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Alina’s Keftas: An Analysis

So I used to be a costume designer, which means that I pay very close attention to movies and tv shows, specifically their costumes (duh), and I noticed a few cool things about Alina’s keftas in the first season of Shadow and Bone and wanted to share them with you.

(tagging @kazinejghafa cause she wanted to see it!)

Let’s start with her blue kefta, the one she wears the most:

Right away, I already notice quite a few things. One, her color blue is a lot darker and richer than Zoya’s and the other Summoners. It’s a way to make her stand out among the Etheralki more than she already does. We know that Alina just wants to be seen as normal and equal, especially when she’s already ostracized for being Shu, but she's already set up to fail because of the color of her kefta.

Number two, Her kefta is made out of silk, while the others are made out of wool. We know that it’s wintertime in Ravka and we also know that many of Grisha eventually go to the front as part of the Second Army, usually wearing wool to protect themselves from the cold. But the choice to make Alina’s kefta silk implies that she was never seen as a soldier by the Darkling, the King, or the Grisha. She’s a figurehead, something to point at and give the people hope. As soon as she was given her blue kefta she wasn’t a soldier anymore, she became a saint.

Third, the kefta does not fit Alina at all. The belt isn’t tight enough, the shoulder seams are lower and don't line up, it’s baggy and ill-fitting. She looks like she’s drowning in it. This is to perpetuate the idea that Alina doesn’t belong among the Grisha yet. She doesn’t feel like she’s one of them and she’s still clinging onto the hope that Mal will show up and she’ll return to the First Army. Alina doesn’t feel like she fits in, and so her kefta doesn’t fit her either.

Also, the colors of her kefta are unique as well. I know according to the books that Blue is the Etheralki color and gold embroidery is for Sun Summoners, but there’s also another connection there. Blue and Yellow are the colors of the Ravka Royal Family. In a way, through wearing that kefta, Alina is pledging allegiance to the King outright. It’s a sign to anyone that Alina is under the King’s protection, that she’s granted the protection she is because she made her promise to destroy the fold to the King. She’s doing it out of love for her country.

Alright, now let's move onto one of my favorite keftas: the Black Kefta.

(Holy shit she looks so pretty)

First thing first, obvious color change. The Blue is gone and replaced by Black, symbolizing her shifting allegiance from the King to the Darkling. She’s not longer destroying the Fold for Ravka, she’s destroying it because it’s what the Darkling wants and she feels as if he’s the one that’s given her new purpose. She’s left the First Army behind and fully embraced her role as a Grisha.

Because as we can see, this kefta fits perfectly.

The shoulder seams line up, the belt cinches directly around her waist, and it looks tailored to her own measurements. But her kefta is still Silk. She’s not seen as a soldier she’s still seen as a figurehead, something that people cannot relate to.

One thing I also want to touch on is the embroidery and the length. This kefta is clearly more elaborate than any of the other ones she wears. The golden embroidery reminds me of a couple things, around the collar it almost resembles a lion’s mane, and lions are often seen as symbols of majesty, strength and courage as well as military might. Alina herself is reveling in her own majesty and strength here, as well as showing off the new military might of the Second Army through her demonstration.

Then the embroidery spreads out down her sleeves almost resembling flames. Now this could be a reference to sun itself and it probably is, but those who read the books know that there is a certain creature with flaming wings that becomes very very important later on, which I believe this is referencing.

The embroidery itself is also symbolizing Alina’s power. The gold embroidery against the black is her Sun Summoning abilities breaking through the Fold, tearing it apart. It also symbolizes the slow way she’s breaking through The Darkling’s demeanor. She has the power here, not him.

The length is also important to note here, because this kefta is much longer than her other ones. If I’m remembering correctly it touches the floor, which, again, differentiates her from other Grisha because theirs fall to their knees or their shins. It can also be seen as The Darkling trying to make Alina seem older than she is, as length (especially in fantasy) is often used to show how old or young a woman is in society.

Finally (I could literally talk about this kefta all day) I’m gonna touch on the neckline because it is so different from anything else we see. EXCEPT for the Darkling.

The collar is obviously much shorter here, but my point still stands. It’s a connection between these two. And knowing that the Darkling commissioned the kefta himself, it’s deliberate. He’s claiming Alina. It’s also important to note that this is the first time we see Alina without the standard undershirt and turtleneck that comes with the keftas. She’s letting the audience and the Darkling know that she’s vulnerable now. She’s opening herself up, and she’s doing it under the careful manipulation of the Darkling.

Alina’s collar also reminds me of Elizabeth the First and the Elizabethan Era with those stiff necked collars. It’s reminiscent of royalty.

Also! One last thing, I love that this kefta looks the most Eastern in style. It reminds me of a kimono and other traditional asian clothing moreso than the other keftas.

Finally, we are discussing the golden kefta.

I love this kefta because it mirrors the black one in every way.

The length is the same, the Darkling still trying to convince both Alina and himself that she’s older than she actually is, that she’s more mature than she is. BUT MY FAVORITE THING IS THAT THE BELT IS IDENTICAL TO THE ONE SHE WORE AT THE FETE.

It’s the same circumstances, a show of military power, but she is not the one in control here. It’s a direct callback to the last time Alina felt powerful and strong, except now the circumstances have completely switched and she’s under someone else’s control. The last time she wore this belt she was someone’s equal, now she’s their slave.

Also the colors have been completely reversed. I talked a little bit about how the gold on black was symbolic of Alina’s power and control over her situation. How it symbolized the light spreading through the darkness and destroying the Fold and breaking through The Darkling’s hard heart. But here it’s the opposite.

The black embroidery almost looks malevolent, spreading and infecting the golden light. The Shadows are creeping through and slowly overtaking Alina just like her light was overtaking the Darkling. The lion symbolism is gone, the firebird symbolism is gone, all we see is black tendrils of shadow reaching out and infecting Alina and her powers. The Darkling is claiming her again, but in a much more malevolent way.

He’s saying “I have corrupted her, she is no longer in power, I am.”

Also again, we have the open neckline, except this one is more westernized. The angular neckline, the lack of a collar or protection. She is completely vulnerable and at the mercy of the Darkling, a white man (synonymous with western power). It’s showing off her amplifier, it’s showing off the Darkling’s claim over her. Almost like a brand or a dog collar. This open neckline is the Darkling’s way of saying “See those antlers? That means she’s mine. I own her.” It’s disgusting and fucked up but it works.

And again, Alina is in silk, not wool. She’s not being taken seriously as a soldier, just a figurehead at the mercy of the highest bidder. First it was the King, now it’s the Darkling. The silk has become symbolic of how she has no real power of her own, that she’s doomed forever to be an outsider among the Grisha.

Which makes it all the more powerful when she takes it back.

Also HER HAIR! I could do a whole other post about her hair but this is already getting too long hahaha.

I hope you enjoyed this deep dive into Alina’s keftas from a Comm Major who has wayyyy too much time on her hands haha.

#shadow and bone #SaB #grishaverse meta #shadow and bone meta #alina starkov #the darkling #alina starkov meta #costume meta #shadow and bone costumes #grishaverse

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