#sex trade 101

[uncharismatic-fauna]

The Stupendous Alligator Snapping Turtle

Alligator snapping turtles (Macrochelys temminkii) are one of three recognised species of snapping turtle, all of which are found in North America. This particular species is found in the southeastern United States and the Mississippi Basin in particular. Macrochelys temminkii prefers deep freshwater, and is especially common in deep rivers, wetlands, and lakes.

The alligator snapping turtle is the largest freshwater turtle in North America, and is one of the heaviest in the world. Most individuals weigh between 70-80 kg (154-176 lbs), and are about 79-101 cm (31-39 in) long. However, the largest verified indiviual weighed over 113 kg (249 lb), and many others have been recorded in excess of 100 kg. The species is easily identifiable by its large, boxy head and thick shell with three rows of raised spikes. Typical alligator snapping urtles are solid black, brown, or olive green, though the shells of many older individuals can be covered in green algae.

M. temminkii is famous for its strong bite, which is most often utilised when feeding. The turtle's tongue resembles a worm, and at night individuals lie on the bottom of the river or lake bed with their mouths open. Fish are enticed by the bait-tongue, and when they get close enough the alligator snapping turtle's mouth clamps down around them. In addition to fish, this species may also feed on amphibians, invertebrates, small mammals, water birds, other turtles, and even juvenile alligators where their territories overlap. The alligator snapping turtle's relies on ambush techniques, and so hunters can remain submerged for up to 40 minutes. In some cases, individuals can also 'taste' the water to detect neaby mud and musk turtles. Because of this species' thick shell and ferocious bite, adults have few predators, but eggs and hatchlings may fall prey to raccoons, predatory fish, and large birds.

This species spends most of its time in the water, only emerging to nest or find a new home if their current habitat becomes unsuitable. Mating occurs between Februrary and May, starting later in the northern regions of the species' range. Males and females seek each other out, but generally don't travel great distances. About two months after mating, females dig a nest near a body of water and deposit between 10-50 eggs. Incubation takes up to 140 days, and the average temperature of the nest determines the sex of the hatchings; the hotter it is, the more males are produced. In the fall, hatchings emerge and are left to fend for themselves. Sexual maturity is reached at between 11 and 13 years of age, and individuals can live as old as 45 years in the wild.

Conservation status: The alligator snapping turtle is listed as Vulnerable by the IUCN. The species is threatened by overharvesting for meat and for the pet trade, and by habitat destruction.

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Photos

Ed Godfrey

Cindy Hayes

Eva Kwiatek

Nathan Patee

[cinnamonnangel]

ASTRO 101 - THE HOUSES (PART II)

SEVENTH HOUSE - I BALANCE

(The Seventh House is ruled by Libra and Venus.)

House of marriage, personality and character of our partner, partner’s job

Civil partnership, bilateral relations, long and committed relationship, close friends, closely associated with, opposite side, associations, union, consultancy

Terms of relationship and behavior

Joint ventures, hostilities, adversary, rivals, competition

Traits we feel lacking in ourselves, the parts of us that are in us but have not been revealed and that we have difficulty in accepting

Lower back, skin, external sexual organs, bladder, ovaries, blood

International relations, military or civil wars, treatises, arbitrators, illegal criminals, marriage and divorce rates, foreign trade, public relations

EIGHTH HOUSE - I DESIRE

(The Eighth House is ruled by Scorpio, Mars and Pluto.)

House of death - natural or unnatural, accident, suicide, fire, drowning, diseases, corruption, crises, surgery

Sex, sexuality, erotism, desire, fantasies, fetishes, sexual life

Alteration and transformations, sharing

Heritage, money that comes to us beyond of our control, money that comes to us from others, inheritance from husband

Tax, alimony, debt, heritage, loan, lottery, gambling

Robbery, fighting, theft, slaughter, butchers, coroners, harassment, rape

The fears, privacy, feel rage towards, abomination

Psychology, occultism, parapsychology, subconscious, spiritual psychology

Genitals, groin area, colon, sex organs, gall bladder, rectum, urogenital system

International debts, international financial agreements, charges, stock certificates, interest rates, foreign exchanges, credits, fuses, mortgages, pension funds, legacies, mortality, life-critical, suicide

Surgery, morgue, surgeons, laboratories, nuclear forces, sewage, organized crimes, terrorists, detective, demimonde, arms, underground sources, cabalistic subjects

NINTH HOUSE - I ASPIRE

(The Ninth House is ruled by Sagittarius and Jupiter.)

House of wisdom, mastership, higher education, academic trainings

Cults and thoughts, abstract reasoning, moral evidence, philosophizing, religious cult, reflection, abstract thoughts

The house where we deepen the information we get from the 3rd house

Distant relatives

Society's mindset, social law rules, social and moral rules, harmony with society

Expedition, long trips, distant travels, foreign countries, foreigners, exterior, crew, communication instruments, media, broadcast

Hips, thighs, sciatic nerves, lower spine, liver, autonomic nervous system

Foreign relations and trade, courts, laws, judges, minorities, companies, advertising portfolios, religion and clergy, the country's philosophical and religious tendencies, migrations, long-distance communications, fast-moving news, broadcasting, popular culture, foreigners

Universities, airlines and transport, maritime transport, ministry of foreign affairs, flight attendants

TENTH HOUSE - I USE

(The Tenth House is ruled by Capricorn and Saturn.)

House of profession, honor, social status, public esteem, dignity, business, character, reputation and career

Glory, name, fame, recognition, way of life, purpose and power

Social roles, status in society, the part of society that sees us, social identity, prestige and title

Marital status, our partner's family, parents, father, authoritarian leaders

Skin, hair, knees, teeth, bones, joints, skeletal system, reputation

Government, the state's reputation by foreign countries, heads of state, powers, executives, leaders, celebrities, notable personages, public figures, uplands

ELEVENTH HOUSE - I KNOW

(The Eleventh House is ruled by Aquarius, Saturn and Uranus.)

House of friends, groups, associations, endowments, a circle of friends, people around us, hives, social environments and organizations

Goals, future plans, hopes, goals of life, wishes, happy news, wealth, fortune, expectations from life and dreams

Income from career, colleagues, international friendships, audiences we offer ideas, incoming wealth, gains, profits, writings

Social media, mass media and virtual communities

Endowments associations, politics, parties, establishment, the masses

Lower leg, calves, ankles, electrical impulsive of the nerves, circulatory system, elimination

Allied countries, social institutions and administrations, legislative changes, national mobilizations, revolts, revolutions, organizations, erosions

TWELFTH HOUSE - I BELIEVE

(The Twelfth House is ruled by Pisces, Jupiter and Neptune.)

House of tribulations, secret matters, troubles, subconscious, covert and covered topics, privacy, loneliness, ermitage, place of isolation

Thoughts, anxieties, and fears underlying repressed consciousness, spiritual life

The things we hide from others and are afraid to tell, our shadow sides, psychological problems

Karmic transmissions, burdens and problems we brought from the past

Secret enemy, backfriend

What kind of pregnancy our mother had, our condition in the mother’s womb and the emotions transferred to us in the mother’s womb

Fantasies and fetishes

Feet, all bodily fluids, the lymphatic system

Secret enemies, secret organizations, private affairs, spies, psychics, fortune-tellers, wizards, deep and secret affairs, criminals, thefts, assassinations, drugs, addicts, dark business people, unemployment and strikes

Hospitals, prisons, rehabilitation centers, mental hospitals, faith houses, orphanages, clinics, charities, overseas

[androgynealienfemme]

"The main justification for invalidating butch-femme is that its an imitation of heterosexual roles and, therefore, not a genuine lesbian model. One is tempted to react by saying "So what?" but the charge encompasses more than betrayal of an assumed fixed and "true" lesbian culture. Implicit in the accusation is the denial of cultural agency to lesbians, of the ability to shape and reshape symbols into new meanings of identification. Plagiarism, as the adage goes, is basic to all culture.

In the real of cultural identity, that some of the markers of a minority culture's boundaries originate in an oppressing culture is neither unusual nor particularly significant. For instance, in the United States certain kind of bead- and ribbon work are immediately recogniziable as specific to Native American cultures, wherein they serve artistic and ceremonial functions. Yet beads, trinkets, ribbons, and even certain "indian" blanket patterns were brought by Europeans, who traded them as cheap goods for land. No one argues that Indians out to give up beadwork or blanket weaving, thus ridding themselves of the oppressors symbols, because those things took on a radically different cultural meaning in the hands of Native Americans. Or consider Yiddish, one of the jewish languages. Although Yiddish is written in Hebrew characters and has its own idioms and nuances, its vocabulary is predominantly German. Those who speak German can understand Yiddish. Genocidal Germanic anti-Semitism dates back to at least the eleventh century. Yet East European Jews spoke "the oppressors language," developing in it a distinctive literary and theatrical tradition. Why is it so inconceivable that lesbians could take elements of heterosexual sex roles and remake them?

*

It is June 1987, and I am sitting in a workshop on "Lesbians and Gender Roles" at the annual National Women's Studies Conference. It is one of surprisingly few workshops on lesbian issues, particularly since, at a plenary session two mornings later, two thirds of the conference attendees will stand up as lesbians. Meanwhile, in this workshop the first speaker is spending half an hour on what she calls "Feminism 101," a description of heterosexual sex roles. Her point in doing this, she says, is to remind us of the origin of roles, "which are called butch and femme when lesbians engage in them." She tells us the purpose of her talk will be to prove, from her own experience, that "these roles are not fulfilling" for lesbians. She tells us that the second speaker will use lesbian novels from the 1950s to demonstrate the same thesis. And, indeed, the second speaker has a small stack of 1950s "pulp paperbacks" with her, many of them the titles that, when I discovered them in the mind-1970s, resonated for me in a way that the feminist books published by Daughters and Diana Press did not.

I consider for several minutes. I'm well versed in lesbian literature, particularly in the fifties novels, and don't doubt my ability to adequately argue an opposing view with the second presenter. I am curious to see if she will use the publisher-imposed "unhappy ending" to prove that roles make for misery. I also decide I'm willing to offer my own experience to challenge the first presenters conclusions- though I'd much rather sit with her over coffee and talk. She is in her midforties and, although she claims to have renounced it, still looks butch. Even if she speaks of roles negatively, she has been there and I want to hear her story. Then I look around me. Everyone is under thirty. There are a few vaguely butch-looking women present who'd very likely consider themselves to be as androgynous as everyone else, and not a single, even remotely femme-looking women besides myself. I recall Alice Walker's advice to "never be the only one in the room." Quietly, I get up and walk out. I go to no other lesbian presentations at the conference."

“Recollecting History, Renaming Lives: Femme Stigma and the feminist seventies and eighties" by Lyndall MacCowan, The Persistent Desire, (edited by Joan Nestle) (1992)

[joslincox]

Punk Rock 101

Preformed by: Chris Rock and Phil LaMarr

Phil: She works at hot topic

His heart microscopic

She thinks that its love but to him its sex

Chris: He listens to emo but fat mike's his hero

His bank account's zero

What comes next?

Same song different chorus

Both: It's stupid, contagious

To be broke and famous

Can someone please save us from punk rock 101

My Dickies your sweatbands

My spiked hair, your new vans

Let's throw up our rock hands for punk rock 101

Chris: She bought him a skateboard, a rail slide, his knee tore

He traded it for drums at the local pawn shop

Phil: She left him for staring at girls and not caring

When she cried because she thought Bon Jovi broke up

Same song second chorus

Both: It's stupid, contagious

To be broke and famous

Can someone please save us from punk rock 101

My Dickies your sweatbands

My spiked hair, your new vans

Let's throw up our rock hands for punk rock 101

Phil: Don't forget to delay...on the very last word

Seven years later he works as a waiter

Chris: She married a trucker and he's never there

The story never changes, just the names and faces

Phil: Like Tommy and Gina they're living on a prayer

Did you just say that?

I just said

Both: It's stupid, contagious (same song different chorus)

To be broke and famous (same song different chorus)

Can someone please save us from punk rock 101

My Dickies your sweatbands

My spiked hair, your new Vans

Let's shoplift some sweatbands for punk rock 101

[banapsha]

Unleash the Power of Storytelling: Crafting the Ultimate Character Profile 101

Welcome, fellow storytellers and aspiring novelists! So, what's up? You have made a decision to grace the world of literature with your masterpiece, and now you're faced with that super challenging task of creating characters.

Fear not, my friend! I've got you covered with the ultimate guide to help you try to somehow navigate through the crazy labyrinth of character development. Buckle up, grab your much-needed favorite coffee(s) or energy drink(s), and let's dive into the truly intricate world of character creation!!

Basic Stats: Because It's Not Just Name, Rank, and Serial Number

Let's kick off with the basics, shall we? Name, role, sex, gender, age (because apparently, age is super crucial), race, ethnicity, culture – basically, the whole shebang. Don't forget to throw in some physical appearance details like height, body type, and whether they've got a face that could launch a thousand ships! Oh, and where are they from? No, not just their current residence, but the place they call home sweet home. Are they living large, scraping by, or just coasting through life? You, the creator, must have all deets!

Relationships: It's Not Just Complicated Facebook

Now, let's spill the tea on relationships. Family dynamics? Check ✓. Friends? Double check ✓. What's the deal with their family? Are they besties or mortal enemies? And don't skimp out on the juicy details – you (don't we all?) want to know about the love life, dating disasters, and whether they've ever had their heart broken. What's their love language? Because, you know, sometimes words of affirmation are all the jazz! Mainly focus on the MC's Relationship Drama because this is what drives your story forward. Dive deeply into the MC's relationships with others. Describe them in a few words, spill the tea on complicated conflicts, reveal their secrets, and dish out the juicy details on how they met. How will their relationships evolve as the story unfolds? And why? It's like a soap opera, but with even more character development.

Sexy Stuff: Attraction, Baby!

Let's talk sexy stuff – because it's more important than you think. Orientation, specific attractions (we're talking eyes, abs, feet…? 🤨🫥 and everything in between), and the nitty-gritty of their romantic escapades. Get those butterflies fluttering for sure!

Skills: Move Over, Jack of All Trades

Skills time! What are they good at? Did they master the art of ninja kicks through schooling or on the mean streets? Occupation, hobbies – spill it all out. You want to know what makes them a pro, or at least a decently good amateur.

Personality and Character: More Than Just Introvert vs. Extrovert

Time to psychoanalyze your character. Introvert, extrovert, ambivert – you need to know where they fall on the social spectrum. What are their strengths, weaknesses, fatal flaws, and personality types? Any internal conflicts brewing? Goals, dreams, fears, insecurities – lay it all out. And what's their go-to attire? Are they rocking the latest fashion or stuck in a time warp? And why?

Keys to Good Characters: Makes 'em Active, Not Couch Potatoes

Remember, we're crafting active characters who actually participate in the making of the story, rather than passive observers who just let the story happen to them. They should be the ones driving the story, not just tag along for the ride. Remember to give them fatal flaws, internal conflicts, and clear goals – the holy trinity of compelling characters!

Don't Stop Here: Keep the Creative Juices Flowing. Have fun with it. There is a lot more. Write useless facts about your characters, because the more you know them the better. Get into their heads and just rip 'em apart!

And there you have it – a roadmap to crafting characters that like kind of jump off the page,… sort of. Bonus tips: Write in the first person, spill the all-important details in detail, and be very intentional with your (aka your character's) choices. Don't be very afraid to tweak this template to fit your kind of story, and organize it efficiently based on all your narrative needs.

Go forth, my fellow wordsmiths, and create characters that will live rent-free in your readers' heads. Happy writing!

[syoddeye]

Shop Talk! Are you drawn to any specific themes that you like to revisit in your work?

--Charlie(SentientCave)

Howdy! Thanks for asking ♥️

Dang, there are a few. I'll talk through three of them.

Monkey's paw. Getting what you wish for, only to have it bite you in the ass and fuck up some other element of your life. Sometimes our faves need to be greedy little fucks and then get soundly punished for it.

Faustian bargains. Similarly, trading or sacrificing something important to yourself because you think another thing will make you happier. There's the classic bargain for knowledge, but there's also time, money, love, sex, jelly beans...Something about characters wanting more than they should is 🤌

Right person/wrong time. Life gets in the way of love all the time, no matter how passionate, raw, or powerful it can feel. There are a 101 reasons why a couple might not be able to be together. I'm more interested in the 'mundane' reasons - careers, families, wanting different things, etc. But I love how haunting love can be. How you can be married with three kids and still sit up in the middle of the night because you thought of someone from twenty years ago. And maybe you bump into them in another ten and the circumstances are different, reopening a door you thought was locked shut. Can you tell I am a romantic?

This all kind of comes down to that suffering is a big part of life, so I make it a big part of my fiction. What the outcomes of that suffering look like or how characters handle it, varies.

Talk Shop Tuesday

[2000sfm]

JUST  ANNOUNCED  🎬  !  @2000sgossip  published  the  official  cast  for  gossip  girl  &  sex  and  the  city  &  it  looks  like  dominic  freeland  jacob  elordi  is  playing  chuck  bass  &  anika  mudaliar  simone  ashley  is  playing  carrie  bradshaw  -  everyone  wonders  if  they  will  be  just  as  good  as  the  original.  their  publicist  just  needs  to  make  sure  they  follow  the  hollywood  101  rules  &  if  they  launch  their  social  media  account  within  24  hours,  they  will  take  over  the  trends.

(  jacob  elordi,  cis  male,  he/him  )  —  🎬  just  announced,  dominic  freeland  has  been  cast  as  chuck  bass  in  the  upcoming  gossip  girl  reboot.  the  twenty  six  year  old  is  trending  as  people  are  debating  if  the  slithering  bass  of  yet  another  club  that  you  don't  want  to  be  in    /    nights  spent  under  cover  of  smogged  -  out  starlight,  squinting  down  at  well  -  thumbed  pages.  clapped  -  out  old  shitbox  car    +    a  veritable  sea  of  fuck  knows  what,  winding  backroads  with  music  blaring    !    jackets    +    scarves  lent  out  like  favours,  no  return  date  necessary    (    note  the  shy  curl  of  a  smile,    "it'll  look  better  on  you":    a  boy  that  trades  in  boldfaced  lies    )    ;    the  first  lap  of  a  gentle  wave  at  foreshore,  crystal  clear,  sunwarm,  salty  tide  that  they  are  known  for  is  enough  to  make  them  as  good  as  original.  a  quick  google  search  shows  that  their  fans  call  them  cogitating,  but  internet  trolls  think  they’re  more  eremitic.  i  guess  their  newest  interview  for  variety  where  they  talk  about  his  beloved  hometown,  far  down  under,    +    exactly  how  much  better  the  food  is  compared  to  "your  american  shit"    (    in  his  inherently  quotable  words    )  will  let  people  to  know  them  better.  (  van,  twenty4,  she/they,  aest.  )

(  simone  ashley,  cis  woman,  she/her  )  —  🎬  just  announced,  anika  mudaliar  has  been  cast  as  carrie  bradshaw  in  the  upcoming  sex  and  the  city  reboot.  the  twenty  eight  year  old  is  trending  as  people  are  debating  if  the  sticky  -  sweet  rings  of  a  spilled  cosmopolitan  on  elegant  barmats,  floral  arrangements  of  white    +    blush  on  windowsill    /    dawn's  morning  light  on  rumpled  linen,  warming  the  space  where  sprawled  body  ought  to  be    !    burberry's  her,  scent  like  a  calling  card    ;    hearts  drawn  over  i's  in  thank  -  you  notes  to  crew  members    +    cast  alike,  a  kindness  best  radiated  in  the  blossoming  roses  in  your  cheeks    +    the  smile  that  lights  you  something  fulsome  that  they  are  known  for  is  enough  to  make  them  as  good  as  original.  a  quick  google  search  shows  that  their  fans  call  them  winsome,  but  internet  trolls  think  they’re  more  tempestuous.  i  guess  their  newest  interview  for  variety  where  they  talk  about  how  she's  made  off  with  several  of  her  most  iconic  costumes  yet,    +    how  she  intends  to  auction  them  off  for  charity  at  some  point    ...    after  she's  loved  them  dearly  will  let  people  to  know  them  better.  (  van,  twenty4,  she/they,  aest  +  filming  season  3.  )

[djuvlipen]

btw sex trade abolition should be considered romani antiracism 101 and the fact that it is not is the biggest proof of how much romani women's issues are sidelined when discussing anti romani racism

[thatsassythingg]

Seduction 101 for the Introverted Soul – thatsassything

If the world of modern dating has had you questioning your flirting game, you’re not alone. With the rise of dating apps and online intimacy, it’s been harder to always put your best foot forward, especially when your phone screen lighting up is the *only* way you know if the person is interested or not. So, how does one master the subtle art of seduction?

The struggle is super real for all the wallflowers out there, AKA the introverts, who may find it difficult to be socially active in normative ways, let alone be savvy with all the tricks of this trade. If you’re someone who can relate to bugging your besties to send that perfectly crafted response to impress a crush, or getting lost while decoding the digital cues of dating, we bring you some useful flirting and sex tips to channel your inner seduction-ist!

From swiping to sexting

We’re living in a dating era where there is order to the chaos. It’s almost mechanical how we jump from swiping right on an app to getting each other’s Instagram, and then finally taking things forth, till it works out, or it doesn’t. So, how does one break through the clutter and initiate the conversation as an introvert? Here are a few handy tips to make your seduction game on point:

Being frank about your intentions goes a long way. If you want something more meaningful, or simply long for a one-night stand, communicate the same to your interest.

If you think you’re a call person, and texting is too much, let them know so you can plan a cute conversation instead!

If you’re entering the sexting avenue, and want to bring your A-game, test the waters, go with the flow and see if you enjoy that.

Meet-cutes are passé, plan your dream encounter

Too many rom-coms have hyped up the idea of having that memorable meet-cute. But, who said you can’t plan your first meeting? Move from the virtual and think about some out-of-the-box first-date ideas that might set the stage for endless conversations, neverending laughs, and a few intimate moments you’d both remember as you look back.

Throwing in some awesome ideas for you to get started with your list:

Plan a pretty picnic in a quaint lil’ corner of a park.

If you have a place, invite them over for quick cuppa coffee and blow them away with your skills!

Plan a Netflix marathon of films from your favorite genre(s) and pull an all-nighter.

Seduction doesn’t always have to involve sex, you can even have

If you’re shy and you know it, let them know too

Speaking of Netflix & chill, if you sense horny in the air and wanna take a more intimate dive, let your partner know what exactly you are or will be comfortable with and what might also get you going. If you wanna take things slow, maybe kiss and cuddle? And, if you’d like your crush to take things forward while you follow their lead, that’s completely fine too! We often feel this pressure to end the date with sex because of mainstream pop culture representation in the form of films, songs, and books, but that’s really not how it needs to be. YOU decide what and how you’d envision your date, where and how far you want to take things, and what boundaries you’d like to set for yourself. If it doesn’t work out, you always have your fave personal body massager to come back to before you get back out in the game!

For more information visit : https://thatsassything.com/blogs/sassy-stuff/seduction-101-for-introverts

[probablespluyt]

THE

WORLD

UNTIL

YESTERDAY

ALSO BY JARED DIAMOND

Collapse

Guns, Germs, and Steel

Why Is Sex Fun?

The Third Chimpanzee

JARED DIAMOND

THE

WORLD

UNTIL

YESTERDAY

WHAT CAN WE LEARN

FROM TRADITIONAL SOCIETIES?

VIKING

VIKING

Published by the Penguin Group

Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, U.S.A.

Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada

(a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.)

Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

Penguin Ireland, 25 St. Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd)

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(a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd)

Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi – 110 017, India

Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, Auckland 0632, New Zealand

(a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd)

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Beijing 100020, China

Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

First published in 2012 by Viking Penguin, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Copyright © Jared Diamond, 2012

All rights reserved

Photograph credits appear on page 499.

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING IN PUBLICATION DATA

Diamond, Jared M.

The world until yesterday : what can we learn from traditional societies? / Jared Diamond.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN: 978-1-101-60600-1

1. Dani (New Guinean people)—History. 2. Dani (New Guinean people)—Social life and customs. 3. Dani (New Guinean people)—Cultural assimilation. 4. Social evolution—Papua New Guinea. 5. Social change—Papua New Guinea. 6. Papua New Guinea—Social life and customs. I. Title.

DU744.35.D32D53 2013

305.89’912—dc23

2012018386

Designed by Nancy Resnick

Maps by Matt Zebrowski

No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

ALWAYS LEARNING PEARSON

To

Meg Taylor,

in appreciation for decades

of your friendship,

and of sharing your insights into our two worlds

Contents

Also by Jared Diamond

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

List of Tables and Figures

PROLOGUE: At the Airport

An airport scene

Why study traditional societies?

States

Types of traditional societies

Approaches, causes, and sources

A small book about a big subject

Plan of the book

PART ONE: SETTING THE STAGE BY DIVIDING SPACE

CHAPTER 1. Friends, Enemies, Strangers, and Traders

A boundary

Mutually exclusive territories

Non-exclusive land use

Friends, enemies, and strangers

First contacts

Trade and traders

Market economies

Traditional forms of trade

Traditional trade items

Who trades what?

Tiny nations

PART TWO: PEACE AND WAR

CHAPTER 2. Compensation for the Death of a Child

An accident

A ceremony

What if…?

What the state did

New Guinea compensation

Life-long relationships

Other non-state societies

State authority

State civil justice

Defects in state civil justice

State criminal justice

Restorative justice

Advantages and their price

CHAPTER 3. A Short Chapter, About a Tiny War

The Dani War

The war’s time-line

The war’s death toll

CHAPTER 4. A Longer Chapter, About Many Wars

Definitions of war

Sources of information

Forms of traditional warfare

Mortality rates

Similarities and differences

Ending warfare

Effects of European contact

Warlike animals, peaceful peoples

Motives for traditional war

Ultimate reasons

Whom do people fight?

Forgetting Pearl Harbor

PART THREE: YOUNG AND OLD

CHAPTER 5. Bringing Up Children

Comparisons of child-rearing

Childbirth

Infanticide

Weaning and birth interval

On-demand nursing

Infant-adult contact

Fathers and allo-parents

Responses to crying infants

Physical punishment

Child autonomy

Multi-age playgroups

Child play and education

Their kids and our kids

CHAPTER 6. The Treatment of Old People: Cherish, Abandon, or Kill?

The elderly

Expectations about eldercare

Why abandon or kill?

Usefulness of old people

Society’s values

Society’s rules

Better or worse today?

What to do with older people?

PART FOUR: DANGER AND RESPONSE

CHAPTER 7. Constructive Paranoia

Attitudes towards danger

A night visit

A boat accident

Just a stick in the ground

Taking risks

Risks and talkativeness

CHAPTER 8. Lions and Other Dangers

Dangers of traditional life

Accidents

Vigilance

Human violence

Diseases

Responses to diseases

Starvation

Unpredictable food shortages

Scatter your land

Seasonality and food storage

Diet broadening

Aggregation and dispersal

Responses to danger

PART FIVE: RELIGION, LANGUAGE, AND HEALTH

CHAPTER 9. What Electric Eels Tell Us About the Evolution of Religion

Questions about religion

Definitions of religion

Functions and electric eels

The search for causal explanations

Supernatural beliefs

Religion’s function of explanation

Defusing anxiety

Providing comfort

Organization and obedience

Codes of behavior towards strangers

Justifying war

Badges of commitment

Measures of religious success

Changes in religion’s functions

CHAPTER 10. Speaking in Many Tongues

Multilingualism

The world’s language total

How languages evolve

Geography of language diversity

Traditional multilingualism

Benefits of bilingualism

Alzheimer’s disease

Vanishing languages

How languages disappear

Are minority languages harmful?

Why preserve languages?

How can we protect languages?

CHAPTER 11. Salt, Sugar, Fat, and Sloth

Non-communicable diseases

Our salt intake

Salt and blood pressure

Causes of hypertension

Dietary sources of salt

Diabetes

Types of diabetes

Genes, environment, and diabetes

Pima Indians and Nauru Islanders

Diabetes in India

Benefits of genes for diabetes

Why is diabetes low in Europeans?

The future of non-communicable diseases

EPILOGUE: At Another Airport

From the jungle to the 405

Advantages of the modern world

Advantages of the traditional world

What can we learn?

[cypherdecypher]

Animal of the Day!

Long-Wattled Umbrellabird (Cephalopterus penduliger)

Photo by Jesse Huth)

Conservation Status- Vulnerable

Habitat- Central America; South America

Size (Weight/Length)- 40 cm

Diet- Insects; Fruit; Reptiles

Cool Facts- The long-wattled umbrellabird takes the process of courtship to another level. While both sexes have a crest on their head, males sport a massive throat wattle covered in feathers. The length of this wattle can be controlled and retracted while flying or outside the mating season to allow for easier flight. Large groups of males will gather together and are visited by females. The female will choose a single male to mate with and lay one egg per mating season. These umbrellabirds are popular in the illegal pet trade due to their plumage and relatively calm nature. 

Rating- 11/10 (How to impress your date 101.)

[thecagedsong]

so not to condone torture or anything, but yuri makes a lot more sense if you add “my sister was a child prostitute to buy me nice books” to underline his actions. 

If Yor used the “massage” excuse once to Yuri, Yuri would have figured out the euphemism for prostitute outside of Yor’s presence, which meant his brain was working, and can you imagine the damage that inflicts on a kid? I think the author did.

Fast forward to working for the government in an attempt to keep Yor safe from possible threats to peace, and along comes this informant, who was already endangering his country/sister on a larger scale, but to learn that he used that money to buy prostitutes, possibly leaving them to come home covered in blood to their little brothers?

That is a direct threat to Yor. People praise this series for taking the blame off women who engage in prostitution, but they miss the next step where sex trafficking is still bad, and you’re now supposed to level that blame and shame at the people buying prostitutes. The people who saw a woman desperate for money and instead of paying her to do something legal, like cook or sew or make coffee, violate her in the most personal physical way someone can be violated.

So, does the fact that the informant participates in sex trafficking make torture okay? No, not really. Do I hope that a rumor goes around that the Secret police are extra vicious to people who buy prostitutions? Absolutely. If people whisper that there’s one rising star that will find ways to accuse people who buy prostitutes of being a traitor, even if that’s all they did, then some good came of it. Yuri’s messed up. It’s his trauma from the war. But if he uses this background to make powerful men think twice before helping the sex slave trade, I think that’s a fascinating morally grey area this series is primed to explore. 

It isn’t anymore psycho than Yor dong fractions using dismembered bodyparts or Loid buying a child from a sketch orphanage for the purposes of turning her into a child spy. (He wondered if Becky was a child spy sent to thwart him, but that’s because if there’s one child spy in the class, why can’t there be two?)

It also adds a dimension to the “my sister is only going to marry for love if I have to kill every abusive husband she marries along the way to do it” thoughts. He is right to be suspicious of Loid, this isn’t the first time Yor has sold her body for financial security. Even more suspicious is the radio silence, the man never asking to meet his sister’s brother, her only family. Abuser 101 includes isolation. 

So I want to see more analysis of Yuri include the fact that he probably thinks Yor was a child prostitute.

[amoei]

@papirouge @msburgundy

Because @papirouge blocked me so I could not respond. I am going to adress 2 of your points.

I explained why abortion has no translation in most NOT all of African LANGUAGES.

You are not from every country in Africa. And i highly doubt you speak every African language from Krio, Hausa, Twi, Yoruba, Igbo, And the 101 different languages and dialects under each of these languages.

So lets address the first lie.

There is a language equivalent for a abortion but it is not called abortion in Yoruba.

It is not a single word.

It is called Yö Oyun. It means to remove a pregnancy which means abortion.

But if you actually read what I wrote. There is no single word for abortion the same way their arent words that start with an X or a Z in so many African languages. Or no word equivalent for Biology. Or chemistry.

I am not a linguist. But common sense says the english language is based off the root words of the Latin language and Greek Language. We do not have the same equivalent words for a lot of them. Bc they are different languages and root words

There is no equivalent African word for hysterectomy or cancer but it does it mean it stops existing.

Point 2: i am not sure if this point is towards my point or not.

The OP asked a question about Abortion relating Africans.

Lets get some things straight.

1. Abortion is not a new concept or tool created by the West or Western Medicine.

Abortion has existed since women having been having sex or being raped.

Surgical abortion is somewhat a new concept. Probably around 17th centuary?

Back then women would go to farmers or "witches" but really just midwives to get back alley abortions. In the back of the barn.

Margaret Singer & Planned Parenthood did not invent abortion.

I keep seeing this shit and its fucking stupid and fucking annoying. And shows how a lot of you have no understanding of the history of Gynecological & Obstretic health past Western medicine.

The medical term for a miscarriage is literally called a Self Abortion.

Whether it is the body making that makes the choice for you or a woman making the choice for her body. Abortion one way or another still ends up happening.

2. The history of a abortion relating to Margaret Singer is a mute point concerning Africans. The culture and the customs.

African women arent getting abortions in mind to exterminate the Negro race.

Most african women getting these abortions arent even aware of racial relations or even the history of racism in the US. They dont teach the Alantic Slave Trade in Nigeria as part of history. Or Jim Crow.

Shocking but the US & the West isnt the sum of the worlds history.

African women & girls still get abortions despite it being banned. We make abortion legal and we need it legal in the US so other countries who are on the fence look to America for their progressive policies to help develop their own respective countries.

There is no way in any good conscious can you justify why an 8 year old child should carry a pregnancy to term.

And unlike America. Unfortunately these numbers arent small or miniscule

Nigeria makes 40% of child marriages for all of West Africa.

Ages on avg 11+. Depending on the region those ages go lower.

A lot of these girls die in child birth. They dont make it to see 16 years of age.

Fistuals, incontinence, hemorrhaging, internal bleeding etc. All of this on the body of a 12 year old child

Abortion is women's healthcare and it is apart of Gynecological & Obstretic care.

@papirouge blocked me which was ironic because in the post she said "she is delusional and can never seem to justify her points why she is against "bleaching or US foreign policies but not abortion"

Well here is why I am for it

Child marriage is still happening actively on certain parts of the continent. Women are being raped and they rarely reach court to get justice.

Genocide, tribal war and war rape continues to still happen.

So @papirouge why do you want the body of little girls to carry a pregnancy to term that will kill them?

[coochiequeens]

Amazon Web Services has banned a popular book from its store for framing transgender identity as a mental illness. The Seattle, Washington-based, multinational tech oligarch wrote in a March 11 letter to four United States Senators: “We reserve the right not to sell certain content. All retailers make decisions about what selection they choose to offer.” Amazon continues to sell books framing being female as a kink identity. Books eroticizing men being “made into women” through humiliation, cross-dressing, forced submission, rape and sex slavery proliferate its listings, with such ‘forced feminization’ titles as Sissy Magazine: 8 Ways to Turn Your Husband into a Girl, ‘sissy porn’ titles like The Sissy Sex Trade and sissy hypno titles like 101 Bimbo Mantras: 101 Hypnotic Mantras For Bimbos, T-Girls, And Sissies. On February 24, 2021, Senators Marco Rubio, Mike Braun, Mike Lee and Josh Hawley wrote a letter (pdf) to Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon, to ask why Ryan Anderson’s book, “which reached the top of two of Amazon’s best-seller lists before it was even released in 2018,” had been removed from Amazon’s website and Kindle and Audible services after it “supposedly violated a vague, undefined ‘offensive content’ standard.” According to the overview of Anderson’s When Harry Became Sally: Responding to the Transgender Moment, the book asks the questions:

“Can a boy be “trapped” in a girl’s body? Can modern medicine “reassign” sex? Is our sex “assigned” to us in the first place? What is the most loving response to a person experiencing a conflicted sense of gender? What should our law say on matters of “gender identity”? When Harry Became Sally provides thoughtful answers to questions arising from our transgender moment. Drawing on the best insights from biology, psychology, and philosophy, Ryan Anderson offers a nuanced view of human embodiment, a balanced approach to public policy on gender identity, and a sober assessment of the human costs of getting human nature wrong.“

“By removing this book from its marketplaces and services, Amazon has unabashedly wielded its outsized market share to silence an important voice merely for the crime of violating woke groupthink,” the Senators wrote in the letter. “The internet is at its best when it is an open marketplace of ideas that brings people together to share, learn from one another, and engage in a range of commercial activities.” Brian Huseman, Vice President of Public Policy at Amazon responded on behalf of the corporation (pdf): “As to your specific question about When Harry Became Sally, we have chosen not to sell books that frame LGBTQ+ identity as a mental illness.” The company said its policy had changed since 2018 when it began selling the book in its store.

Using the search engine Google to conduct a search of the Amazon website for such key phrases as ‘sissy porn’ and ‘forced feminization’ produces a large number of hits.

The description displayed on Amazon for the book Sissy Magazine: 8 Ways to Turn Your Husband into a Girl advises women who married ‘beta-males’ who cannot sexually please them to transform these husbands into women:

“At heart, every woman desires to cuckold her husband. If you were lucky enough to find a real Alpha-male to marry, it probably wouldn’t be necessary. […] A lot of us women though […] end up marrying beta-males who are so lacking in masculinity that they are practically girls, just like us. […] A lot of these methods are going to seem cruel, but trust me – your husband going to thank you in the end. In my experience, it is only through a strict course of humiliation that a man can overcome the trauma of […] losing his penis.“

Promising husbands, “when you look in the mirror, you’ll be attracted to yourself,” the description continues:

“I am not talking about simply crossdressing at home. If you want to become a real girl, you wont be a silly husband in his wife’s panties. You are really going to look like a supermodel.“

The Amazon description for book 1 of the 11-book series The Sissy Sex Trade reads: “Kevin, an English computer programmer, goes to New York City for a short holiday. Kevin has a secret life. He is in actual fact a transgendered BDSM submissive, called Kelly […]. While on holiday in NYC Kevin makes the mistake of walking late at night in the Bronx. He is kidnapped by an African American gang, and transformed into a sissy slut, much to Kelly’s delight.” The book is part of a trend in the genre hypersexualizing black men as beasts who can best “sissify” other men. Numerous other books on Amazon catering to this racist fetish niche include Sissy Sluts for Black Daddies, All White Boys Are Sissies in the Black New World Order and Sissy for the Black World Order: Blacked Future. In The Sissy Sex Trade Book 3, “Kelly, the happy sissy slut, slave, bimbo, porn star, returns […]. Her owners have done a deal with ten rival gangs to sell them each a sissy slut for $1,000,000, as long as the sissy slut is almost identical to Kelly.”

Genevieve Gluck, who has extensively researched the connection between ‘sissy hypno’ and transgenderism, notes: “Sissy hypno incorporates audio files that aim to ‘brainwash’ male listeners into believing they are women. Through repeated mantras, sissy hypno content creators claim to turn men into ‘bimbos’ and ‘f*ck dolls’.” 101 Bimbo Mantras: 101 Hypnotic Mantras For Bimbos, T-Girls, And Sissies (Bimbo Mantra Series), available on Amazon Books, promises to help its audience “reach your pink haze bliss.” Sissy hypno audio works are sold on Audible, Amazon’s subsidiary.

According to Codex Group LLC, Amazon dominates the US market, with 53% of all book sales and 80% of all ebook sales made through the company and its subsidiaries.

Wait until men start to be abused and assaulted by other men influenced by this. Then everyone will suddenly realize how corrupting porn is.

[mortimer-writes-sometimes]

Sorry if this is indecent but, do you only write fluffy or do you also write spice stuff? Because I have a Sansby request of "making dinner becames a fun night"

I have mixed feelings about this, actually, but not for the reasons you may think!

See, I am asexual. I’m not sex-repulsed, but I don’t understand the appeal of being with another person in that way. However! When it comes to writing, I appreciate its potential as a plot device and I know it is something people like to read for a variety of reasons. I have read sex scenes before just so I don’t miss anything reading through interesting fanfiction and I know how to build up to and imply arousal. However, I have a feeling that I would be really bad at writing the actual sex part, because again... I don’t get it. I pride myself on my ability to portray emotion, but I don’t think I have that level of skill.

Also, just in case I can do it, I don’t want to accidentally end up known for smut fics. I like stories better. So, y’know. Not gonna attempt it, just in case.

That being said, I would loath to leave a reader entirely disappointed, so I have elected to write another take on the prompt you’ve given me! I know you were looking for spice and not fluff, but I hope you enjoy this anyway.

Cooking 101

Word count: 1109

“Cut the stalk into strips, but don’t cut all the way down to the joint. That will help keep the celery stable as you cut.”

Grillby smiled gently as he stood behind Sans, reaching around him to guide his hands. He’d been surprised when the skeleton insisted on helping him cook dinner. As far as he was aware, Sans wasn’t much of a cook. The fire monster had a sneaking suspicion that the sudden desire to learn had something to do with that morning’s little accident. Grillby wore gloves when working with wet ingredients, but while he’d been making breakfast he dropped the bottle of vanilla into the pancake batter. It splattered everywhere, and seeing as it had yet to be infused with magic, it left several dark marks on Grillby’s arms where the flames were partially put out. Sans had been quick to heal him, but it left the skeleton ‘rattled’. When the fire monster had suggested chicken and dumplings for dinner Sans had been quick to suggest that he handle the wet ingredients until they’d been properly treated with magic that would protect Grillby from any ill effects.

That’s how Grillby found himself leaning gently against Sans, wrapping his arms around the skeleton’s waist as he let him finish the dicing on his own. “That’s perfect. We can set that aside for now.”

Sans grinned at the praise, leaning back into Grillby’s arms. Between the warmth at his back and the warmth in his soul, he was once again reminded that marrying this man was the best decision he’d ever made. “Hey, firefly? This is really nice,” he mumbled.

“I agree,” Grillby chuckled, kissing Sans’s cheekbone, “But I’m afraid I can’t hold you up and get a bowl from the cabinet at the same time. Sit up for just a moment.”

Sans whined, but complied, shifting his weight back on his own two feet. “So, what’s next?”

“Dry ingredients.” Grillby set a bowl and an assortment of measuring cups in front of Sans as he moved things around with organized ease. “That’s strange… I could have sworn I laid out the thyme.”

“Don’t worry, I got it.” Sans glanced at the microwave display. “Clock says it’s six thirty-eight. Lemme guess, we gotta wait until the moon is high to start our witch’s brew?”

Grillby rolled his eyes, setting a container of flour in front of Sans. “Haha, very funny. Go ahead and measure out two cups of flour while I find it.”

Simple enough task, right? At least, if you’re familiar with cooking. Sans wasn’t working with a very large bowl, so it would make sense to add a leveled half-cup of flour to the bowl at a time. Unfortunately, Sans was not familiar with cooking.

Poof!

Grillby turned around to find both Sans and his workstation dusted in a light coating of flour. The skeleton had taken a heaping cup of flour and dumped it all in the bowl at once, sending a cloud of white powder everywhere. He coughed and shook his head, trying to get the flour out of his eye sockets. When he looked up at Grillby, his expression was so bemused that the fire monster couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh my god, Sans,” Grillby managed through his laughter, “You’re an absolute mess.”

Sans gave him a mischievous grin. “Oh yeah?” He picked up the measuring cup again with clear intent.

Grillby realized what was happening a moment too late. He barely had time to shield his face with his arms before Sans had thrown a cup of flour at him, the nutty scent of lightly cooked flour filling the kitchen as it covered him. “Sans-!” He gave his husband a playful smile. “Oh, you’re going to regret that.”

Sans knew that look. He took off running, getting a few seconds head start while Grillby grabbed the flour container. The fire monster gave chase, jumping over the couch in his pursuit. He managed to nearly catch up, throwing a handful of flour at Sans. Sans changed direction and caught him off guard, grabbing a handful of flour from the container in Grillby’s hand and throwing it over the fire monster’s head before taking off again.

Sans made a mistake when he let Grillby chase him up the stairs. Grillby intentionally let Sans run past him into the living room. When he was in just the right spot, the fire monster dumped the entire container of flour over the banister, engulfing half the room in a white cloud. Sans took the brunt of the impact, playfully crying out as he was practically drowned in flour. Grillby laughed, leaning over the banister. “I believe I win.”

“Yeah, yeah, I surrender,” Sans conceded, taking off his hoodie and trying to shake out some of the flour that had accumulated there. “So, pizza tonight?”

“That sounds perfect.” Grillby came down the stairs, giving Sans a fond smile. “Perhaps we should clean up a bit, first.”

“I’ll sweep, you vacuum?” Sans proposed. “And of course, the first shower goes to the victor.”

Grillby arched an eyebrow at him. “Sans, we use separate showers. Unless you’re implying that you want to try bathing in fire, in which case I must strongly discourage it.”

Sans chuckled. “Nah, I’m just looking for an excuse to be the one to order the pizza so I can annoy the delivery guy.”

“You’re incorrigible,” Grillby mumbled, rolling his eyes.

Sans looked up at him with a cheeky grin. “Aww, you know you love me.”

Grillby’s smile softened at that. If someone had told him three years ago that he would be chasing his favorite customer around the house with a container of flour, laughing and leaping over furniture, he would have just rolled his eyes. It had seemed like an impossible, silly fantasy. Yet, there he was, clothing white with powder as he gazed lovingly into his husband’s eyes. The fire monster leaned down and kissed the top of Sans’s skull, unable to wipe the smile from his face even if he tried. “I do love you, Sans,” he said softly. “I really do. I wouldn’t trade evenings like this for anything.”

Sans flustered a bit. “Yeah. I know how you feel.” A warmth settled in Sans’s chest as the mirth faded. He smiled up at his husband, putting his hands on his shoulders. “By the way, Grillbz?”

“Yes?”

“I cannot take you seriously with that much flour on your glasses.”

The monsters’ combined laughter filled the house as Grillby wrapped his arms around Sans, letting the skeleton lean against him once more. 

Yeah. Neither of them would trade that moment for the world.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little bit of domestic fluff. If you liked it, consider reblogging and/or leaving me a comment telling me your favorite part! Also, if you’d like to be added to my tag list, let me know!

[didnt-want-to-be-a-halfblood]

Kitten Me This

Heyyyy, so I know some people that have weak wifi connection and can’t access Ao3 so I decided to post my fic here, too.

Summary: "No, no, you don't understand. Lou..." Will took a deep breath, petting the cat gingerly as if afraid it would suddenly shatter in his hands. "This is Nico."

"Nico... di Angelo? Your boyfriend, Nico? Son of Hades? That Nico?"

"Yes! That Nico! He's been turned into a cat!"

***

"Lou! LOUUU!" Shouted Will as he practically broke down the door to the Hecate cabin.

"What??" Lou Ellen opened the door, irritation evident on her face. Her dark hair was rumpled, and her winged eyeliner was slightly smudged on one side as if she'd just woken up from a mid-afternoon nap. "You do realize that this cabin is built with magical stones? If you dislodged one with all your yelling and banging-"

"Yes, I could explode or turn into a tree- That's not important!" He moved past her and collapsed dramatically onto the nearest bed. "This is an emergency! Look!" He lifted up a small bundle of black fur.

"What's that?" Lou Ellen stepped closer to examine the bundle. The fur twitched and two brown eyes looked back at her. "A kitten? Did you bother me during meditation-"

"You weren't meditating, you were sleeping-"

"-To try and get me to take care of this scruffy thing? Will, my cabin is too dangerous to house an animal like this. It'd be getting into potions, ruining spells, and my younger siblings will try and do transformation experiments on it. Leave it here and it'll be a piglet by tomorrow."

"No, no, you don't understand. Lou..." Will took a deep breath, petting the cat gingerly as if afraid it would suddenly shatter in his hands. "This is Nico."

"Nico... di Angelo? Your boyfriend, Nico? Son of Hades? That Nico?"

"Yes! That Nico! He's been turned into a cat!" Will set the kitten on the bed, and the little guy stretched before laying down, curling up into a perfect little fuzzy black circle. It was admittedly a super cute cat.

"Are you sure that's Nico?" Lou Ellen hesitantly reached out to pet the kitten. Immediately, the cat perked its head up and hissed at her. It wasn't particularly scary, but she got the message: No touching.

"It's okay, Nico." Will cooed. "This is Lou Ellen? Remember her? She's our friend." He gently ran his fingers through its fur and cat-Nico began to purr softly.

"Okay, maybe he is Nico." She admitted. "What happened, exactly?"

Will shrugged, "We were sitting by the campfire, just talking! And I was like 'Oh, by the way I was thinking instead of going to normal lunch today maybe we could go someplace special to celebrate our anniversary.' And I searched through my bag to find my coupons for 'Benedetta's Pasta' which is this Italian pasta place in New York, and okay yeah it's not the fanciest pasta place in the world, but they do have a guy who knows how to play Taylor Swift songs on accordion and-"

"William. Focus." Lou Ellen snapped her fingers. "The longer this takes the harder it could be to transform him back."

"RIght! Uh, and when I looked up Nico was gone! And this little guy was sitting on the log, just staring at me!"

"You didn't see anything else?"

"No, I was looking for coupons."

"No magic sparks or incantations or flashes of light?"

"No, I was busy looking for coupons!!"

"Will, there's only so much I can do if I don't know how he turned into a cat. He needs the same kind of magic used to transform him into this to transform him back."

"Oh gods." Will put his head in his hands. "You're the most powerful, talented sorcerer we have at camp. If you can't do it then it's hopeless." Will sniffed as if beginning to cry.

Lou Ellen sighed. "You really think I'm the most powerful?"

"And smart, too." Will pouted up at her, hitting her with puppy-dog eyes. "If anyone can figure out how to save Nico, it's you."

"Ugh, fine. Alright. Let's talk to the satyrs and nymphs. They can talk to animals. Maybe Nico himself can tell us what happened."

So, the daughter of Hecate and the son of Apollo walked through the forest until they wound up by the riverbank. All things considered, it was a beautiful day. Hopefully the day was perfect enough that all the nymphs would be in a good mood and willing to help. Will stepped forward and cleared his throat.

"Hi! Hello! Um, I was wondering if someone could help us? We're trying to communicate with this cat." Will lifted the black kitten above his head like baby Simba in the Lion King movie.

No response.

"Please?" Will tried again. "He's actually my boyfriend and I'd really like him to not be a cat anymore by the end of the day, y'know? Isn't there anyone here who knows what it's like to be in love? To have that love taken away from you?"

No response. No movement. The trees and bushes and plant life didn't say a word.

Lou Ellen put a comforting hand on his shoulder and smiled sweetly. "Why don't you let me try?"

"Sure."

"Hey!" Lou Ellen shouted harshly. "Listen up! This here is a child of Apollo! If someone doesn't give us five minutes of their time then he's going to start reciting some of his dad's greatest poems of the 20th century! And Apollo wrote a lot of haikus in the 80s." It was definitely spoken as a threat.

The trees and bushes began to rustle as if talking with one another. Will nodded to Lou Ellen in approval. They waited for about two minutes before she spoke again.

"Okay, Will! That's it! From the top, the poetry reading begins now! Don't say I didn't warn you all-"

"Wait!" Juniper hastily walked toward them. "I'm here! It's okay, everyone. I'm here now!"

"Hey, Juniper!" Will smiled, happy to see a friendly face. "What's up?"

"Will." She smiled back. "I was just out talking to Rosemary. She needed relationship advice." Then her voice dropped to a whisper. "A lot of shrubs are envious of my stable relationship with Grover. They find most satyrs to be... unreliable in showing consistent affection. Grover and I? We're the satyr-nymph power couple. I'm kind of like the local marriage counselor nowadays."

"And I'm sure you're wonderful at it." Will said sincerely. "Can you talk to cats?"

"Hmm, well, my feline might be a little rusty. We mostly get squirrels and birds out here, but I'll see what I can do!"

"That's all I ask." Will leaned down and carefully set cat-Nico on the ground. The kitten curiously sniffed at the grass.

"Cute little guy." Juniper grinned. "Tell me little one, what's your name? How did you come to be like this?" The cat gave a little meow-squeak in response. "I see..."

"What?" Will looked back and forth between Juniper and his feline boyfriend. "Does he not remember who he is?"

"They go by the title 'The Ruler of All Darkness.' Claims to have come to the mortal realm to 'incite fear into my enemies.'"

"Nico is always so dramatic..."

"You're one to talk." Lou Ellen rolled her eyes.

"Juniper, can you ask him if he remembers me?"

Juniper asked.

"'Yes, the one who smells of sunshine. Indeed, he is tolerable.' And... something about being worried you're going to abandon it?"

"What, just because he's a cat now? Nico, I would never!" Will leaned down and let the kitten nuzzle his hand. "Neeks, we're going to change you back. And- and if for some reason we can't, that's... that's okay. Alright? You'll stay with me, you'll be the most pampered and taken care of cat in the whole world. You..." Will got choked up at this point. "So what if the love of my life is a cat now? So what if... if... We can't do any of the things we planned to do together? So what if at the most you'll only live to be another twenty years?" Will started actively sobbing. "I won't abandon you. Ever. I'm sorry, Neeks. I should've payed attention. I should've stopped this from happening. I should've-"

"It's okay, WIll." Lou Ellen hugged him. "Shh, it's okay. Maybe we still don't know how to change him back yet, but we will. I promise."

Will leaned into her and cried. "This is all my fault."

Juniper joined in on the hug. "I can ask around and see if any of the nymphs saw what happened. We have eyes and ears everywhere, surely someone saw something..."

And who knows how long Will would've kept crying when suddenly they all froze at the sound of a familiar voice.

"There you are!" Nico's voice rang out from behind them. "Will, I've been looking everywhere for you!"

They turned slowly to face a very human, very not-a-cat Nico di Angelo. He was dressed in a nicely tailored suit and his hair had been neatly brushed. He was holding a bouquet of flowers, but they were beginning to wilt as Nico's anxiousness caused them to decay.

"Why... why is everyone crying?" Nico awkwardly tugged on his suit. "Why are you guys looking at me like that?"

"Nico! You're- you're human!" Will stood up, glancing down at the kitten.

"How nice of you to notice." Nico said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

"No, I mean..." Will frantically looked to Juniper. "But he said 'Ruler of All Darkness.'"

"Hmm... To be fair, most cats talk that way."

"She said." Lou Ellen corrected, examining the cat, much to the kitten's displeasure.

"What?" Will asked.

"She. This cat is female. Animal transformations can sometimes change the sex of the person in question, but not usually. That's, like, basic shapeshifting 101."

"I..."

"Can someone explain to me what's going on?" Nico crossed his arms. "Will, I thought you wanted to go out for lunch? We're going to be late."

"Uhh." Will took the cat from Lou Ellen. "I got us this cat for our anniversary!" The black kitten stared at Nico and gave a pitiful meow.

"You what?" Nico sighed. "I tell you 'Hey, babe, give me five minutes and I'll shadow-travel to Italy to find us a real Italian restaurant for lunch.' And I come back to find this?"

"Ohh, is that what you said? I didn't hear you exactly because I was... busy looking for coupons." Will sheepishly avoided eye-contact with Lou Ellen. Still, he could feel her death glare.

"Will, I love you, but you are not using coupons at a restaurant for our anniversary. I'm rich. Just let me pay." Nico walked up to Will and traded him the flowers for the kitten. "Where did you even find this thing?"

"Uhh..."

The kitten reached out a paw and booped Nico on the nose. It gave another soft meow.

"Oh,' Juniper giggled. "She said, 'You smell like death. Perhaps we shall form an alliance, bathe in the blood of our enemies. Together, we can destroy them all.'"

"You got us a homicidal kitten?" Nico laughed. Gods Will loves it when Nico laughs.

"Only the best for you, babe." Will casually winked, ignoring his eyes were slightly swollen from crying.

Lou Ellen huffed. "I'm going back to bed. Will, you useless homosexual, you owe me." She marched away. Juniper politely nodded to Will and Nico before following suit. She probably had more couples counseling to do.

"C'mon, Solace. Let's get you dressed. We can go shopping for our newest little family member after lunch." Nico cooed at the kitten and she snuggled up against him. "Or maybe we can sneak her into the restaurant. Would you like that, piccolina?" Nico proceeded to call her a series of cutesy names that Will didn't understand.

"Nico?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"Interesting. You know what, Will?"

"What?"

"I love you, too." Nico gave him a peck on the cheek. "C'mon, let's go..." They walked together in silence for a moment. "So, you thought I turned into a cat, huh?"

"Okay, in my defense, weirder things have happened!! It was a perfectly reasonable conclusion to come to, alright!! You absolutely would've done the same thing-"

"Ha! Yeah, right-"

"You totally would have! Look, I'm just saying-"

The End.