#she did this like three times actually with three separate gifs

[kasagia]

The grudge (Losing your memory pt. 2)

Pairing: Young! Coriolanus Snow x fem!Capitol! reader Summary: You promised you would destroy him. Be his ending at all costs. The fight between you begins. Both about his position as President of Panem and about the feelings you still have for him. But the question still haunts you... is your Coryo really gone? The second part of Losing your memory, but can be read as a separate oneshot. Although I recommend reading it. Inspired by: "The grudge" by Olivia Rodrigo and @uhnanix idea/request Taglist: @uhnanix @serving-targaryen-realness @diannana @aoi-targaryen @omgsuperstarg @il0vebeingdelulu @chelseyyouraverageluigi @un06 @tallulah477 @snowspubes @hueanhdang @snowspubes @phsychobanana @blythlover ~•♤♤♤•~ Coriolanus Snow's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ Main Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~

"Wait... what do you want to do?" Clemensia Dovecote asks in shock when you invite her over a few days after your birthday party.

"You heard me." you reply calmly, playing with the Sejanus bracelet on your wrist.

"This is madness, Y/N. You can't… you…"

"You think so?" you ask, amused by her scandalized reaction. "The Capitol has seen stranger, worser things." you say, getting up from the couch and walking over to the mini bar to pour you both a drink. "Besides, you have to admit, it's an… exciting idea. People are going to love it… well, maybe not the old farts and those idiots from our year, but... I'm very optimisitc about it."

"Yes, but… my God, HE is going to hate you for this." she says with a growing smirk on her face. You laugh heartily and hand her the glass.

"This is the least of my worries. The question is... will you stand by my side?"

"Y/N? You've been quieter lately, has something happened?" your mother snapped you out of your thoughts as the three of you ate dinner together.

You replayed your conversation with Clemansia from a few months ago, wondering how to break the news to your parents… actually, now was as good a time as any. You doubt there would ever be a good time to convey something like this.

"I… actually yes." you say, clearing your throat and getting ready to drop the bomb on them.

"Is that Coriolanus? Did he propose to you?" you choke on the drink you were drinking and look at your mother with a dose of disbelief and disgust.

Apparently, the ridiculous amount of roses, chocolates, dresses, and even fucking jewellery that Coriolanus was sending you didn't go unnoticed by your mother. After the first month, you thought he would take the hint, but since he tirelessly sent you gifts, you stopped returning them to him damaged (e.g., cut roses and burned clothes) and decided to give them to the servants and maids and simply ignore that poisoned snake.

"What?! No, of course not. Besides, I wouldn't say yes like... never." you shudder at the thought, at which your father laughs, joining in on the conversation between the two of you for the first time.

"Then what is it?"

Their expectant glances intimidate you for a moment, and for the first time, you wonder if the decision you've made is right. But there was no turning back. You won't let Coriolanus win so easily (or, rather, at all).

"I… well. I've submitted my candidature for president of Panem."

The silence in the room after your statement is... extremely disturbing. They both freeze; your father holds the fork halfway to his mouth, staring at you in amazement, and your mother looks like they've frozen her. For a moment, you wonder if you've given them a heart attack. But your concern for them quickly fades when their loud collective screams echo throughout the dining room.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"

"So I guess I won't have your votes then?" you ask jokingly, going back to cutting your steak.

"Are you crazy? A female president?!" your mother asks indignantly, and you roll your eyes. Honestly, you were a little surprised at her shock. As if you would ever play her role as an obedient wife.

"You may not know it, mother, but more and more female politicians appear in the government. Right, dad?" you ask him, using your only-daughter charm on him, mentally thanking everyone above that this man never treats you with disrespect and hostility like other fathers would if their only child was a girl.

Maybe you kind of enjoyed being his precious diamond after all. Even if that made you desired by all of Capitol's young men, who were more than willing to take your hand in marriage and dowry.

"That doesn't mean you have to be one of them! Y/F/N, tell her something!" you look pleadingly at your father, and after his long silence, you already know that you are melting his heart to your will. All it took was a little, gentle pressure.

"What are your real chances of winning?" he asks with a sigh as your mother looks at him with disbelief.

"Y/F/N..."

"I think my only serious opponent is Coriolanus. People are fed up with these fearful politicians who have been arguing with each other for a long time. Me and Snow are a fresh take on Capitol affairs. We are young and ambitious. People may choose us out of curiosity alone. And among the female electorate, I think I have a much better chance than him... if you can convince mother to let me do this, of course. I won't do anything without your blessing and support." you reply, looking at him confidently. His face is unreadable, as are his eyes, and you silently hope that you have inherited his ability to hide your emotions.

"Y/F/N you can't think about that seriosuly. She can't do this!"

"If you want to be in power, wouldn't it be better for you to join forces? Run a joint campaign. You would become Prime Minister, and he would become President if being a First Lady didn't suit you."

"I am Y/L/N. I am taking everything or nothing." this one sentence makes his façade break down. He smiles and clears his throat, trying to hide his proud smirk behind his glass of wine.

"Very good. You know your bank account number. If you need more campaign funds, in a reasonable amount, of course, you know who to ask." you smile at this and get up from your chair, ignoring your mother's words of protest.

"Thank you, father." you say, kissing his cheek and leaving the dining room, leaving him to deal with your mother's anger. You had to call your staff. The game was about to start.

You enter the parliament building quite uncertainly. You are wearing a white suit made by Tigris. The black vest, which is intended to liven up the outfit, fits you a bit too tight, but you blame it on the fact that you've been stress-eating sweets lately. You will ask her to sew you appropriate clothes later.

For now, you wanted as few people as possible to know about your candidacy. You trusted Tigris, but there was no way in hell you could let Coriolanus find out about this beforehand. You will present him with a fait accompli.

Just like he did when he chose Lucy Gray.

You notice him first. He is wearing a blood-red suit and a snow-white shirt. You wonder if subconsciously it's his reminder of the deaths of the people who allowed him to be where he stands now, but you prefer to think that the bastard simply has no conscience.

You could easily escape from him, but you don't want to. Not any longer. He will be the one running away from you. So you walk straight up to him, the click of your high heels echoing off the marble floor of the Parliament building.

"Nice suit." you say to him. He lifts his head and turns to you as he hears your voice. You can't read the look in his cold, blue eyes, but you don't care about that now. You're only here to stick a pin in him before his performance. "You wore your father's clothes and now you wear Sejan's? Maybe you haven't really changed at all." you scoff at him, and he shakes his head with an equally mocking smile as yours.

"This is probably the latest collection from your favorite designer. Not that I remember." he says, putting his hands in his pockets and watching you carefully as he takes a step towards you.

"Impossible. My favourite designer is Tigris. And I heard that lately you're too much of a snobbish, self-assured asshole to wear what she made for you."

"Maybe it's because she's turning you against me, trying to convince you that I'm a monster?" he says this ironically as you both stare at each other.

You notice that the rose is missing from his jacket pocket. His hair is also messier, as if he's running a nervous hand through it—a habit that obviously hasn't died with your Coryo. You frown at this but shake it off to respond to his taunt.

"Maybe you are actually a monster, Coriolanus? Didn't that occur to you? How could anybody do the things you did so easily? Or maybe Dr. Gaul calls this an unconventional, out-of-the-box way of thinking?"

"At least she's not pretending to be someone she's not." he growls at you, furious, a grudge shining in his eyes, at which you seethe in anger. He, of all people, has no right to resent you.

"At least I can honestly say I'm not a murderer. And what about you?"

Before you can react, he takes a step towards you. One of his hands wraps around your throat like a snake. However, he remembers that you are in a public place and quickly moves his hand to your cheek and brushes a strand of hair behind your ear. His icy eyes are locked on yours as he tries to read any reaction from you. You give him nothing. And you're damn proud of it.

"If you didn't come to wish me luck in my first public appearance as a candidate for president, you should go. Before I give you a real reason to call me a monster, little diamond." he whispers quietly, the tone of his voice laced with threat, but you don't give a damn.

"Oh, snowy… I really wish you a lot of luck. You'll need it, my boy." you say, patting his chest dismissively. You walk away, making sure to bump his arm with yours as you move past him to go to the hall where the first recording for the presidential candidatures of Panem is to be held.

And you already know that it will be hard for you not to look at him, as a furious surprise will appear on his face when he sees that you will also be presenting your programme and announcing your candidature.

You've regretted your candidature many times over the past two weeks. Partly because you had to spend more and more time with the devil in a fancy suit. You didn't see this coming; you were too busy thinking about preventing him from winning. Now you had to attend balls with him and other candidates and various events that helped promote your campaigns, smile at cameras and photographers, and try to remain as polite and courteous to others as you needed.

Like now.

You were attending some important business event, and your uncomfortable high heels were digging into your skin, hurting you. But it was worth bleeding a little. You looked drop-dead gorgeous.

"Tomorrow you have an interview with the Capitol Times; the day after tomorrow we are promoting in the children's ward at the hospital; at the end of the week we both have to go to Fulvia Cardew's engagement party. And in the meantime, you have to go to at least three fittings of new clothes that Tigris made." Clemensia says, writing something down in her small notebook.

"Thanks, Clem. I don't know what I'd do without you." you say with a small smile as you sip your glass of champagne.

"You'd have to keep that stupid calendar and schedule yourself. If you want to help in some way, you can finally answer one of the many calls from Coriolanus. He torments both me and the servants in your house at night."

"And make my mother lose hope that someone is courting me? No thanks; this way, I have peace from her, and I don't have to talk to him longer than I should. Besides, I thought you liked it when I gave you the gifts he somehow managed to leave at my door."

"At some point, yes... but you will finally have to clean up the relationship between you two. Even if we win, Coriolanus will remain an important political player, and it would be good to have him on our side. Besides, it's obvious that he… oh shit. Gaul is coming." she says, terrified, and leaves you. You turn around just as the co-creator of The Hunger Games walks up to you.

“Miss Y/L/N. Congratulations. You surprised me.” you swallow the rest of the champagne and set the glass on the table behind you, preparing to face this crazy woman.

"I think half of the Capitol was in a similar condition. But I appreciate the gesture, Dr. Gaul." you say this with a polite smile as the woman looks you up and down. You're glad you're keeping yourself from trembling under her scrutinising, watchful gaze.

"Mr. Snow seemed to be particularly surprised. As soon as he returned to the lab, he came up with wonderful ideas for next year's Hunger Games." she boasts, and you smile fakely. It sickens you to think about what these two could have come up with for these poor children. But you don't show it. Instead, you chose to strike back.

"I heard that after Lucy Gray's disappearance, their... popularity dropped a bit. I hope things are going well with the sponsors? It would be such a shame if the project and ideas had to be... cancelled due to a lack of money."

"We're doing well. When Mr. Snow becomes president, I think the government will be more willing to fund them."

"IF Mr. Snow becomes president, Dr. Gaul." you correct her, slightly irritated. The woman smiles and nods her head mockingly.

"Of course... If." she says it with a wolfish, menacing smile.

You both stare at each other with hatred for a moment, both of you refusing to give up in your little battle. The atmosphere between you is tense.

You flinch when you feel a hand on your back. The delicate scent of roses begins to float in the air.

"Dr. Gaul. I am so happy to see you here. Y/N, you look amazing as always." Coriolanus says as he leans in and places a kiss on your cheek. You would wipe it in disgust if there weren't other people around you.

"Mr. Snow." Dr. Gaul greets him.

The mysterious smile never leaves her face as she watches the two of you. You remember what she just said. How Coriolanus was still so eagerly working with her on the Hunger Games. His hand on your back starts to burn you in an unpleasant way.

"Excuse me. I need to get some fresh air. It started to stink in here." you say, subtly implying that it's the scent of Coriolanus and his rose that bothers you as you walk away from them both.

You go to the roof of the penthouse, which is surprisingly empty, and take out a cigarette. You search for the lighter, thinking about what Gaul told you. Somehow you felt even more distant from Coriolanus... as if she emphatically confirmed what you already knew.

Your Coryo was completely gone. And there was nothing that could bring him back to you.

But why did you still care about him anyway?

"I didn't know you started smoking." you flinch when you hear his voice behind you.

You ignore him, trying to light the lighter, but to no avail. Apparently, today everything must have gone shitty for you. Seeing your struggles, he walks over to you. He takes a lighter from his pants pocket and holds it to your cigarette, lighting it.

"What the hell do you want?" you ask him madly, at which he raises his eyebrows, but he is not moving away from you.

"What? You won't even thank me? You know, I've helped you there. I could just leave you to talk with Gaul, but I walked in and took her attention from you." he says, stuffing the lighter and his hands into his pockets as he leans on the railing next to you, staring at the skyline of the Capitol below you.

"I didn't need a fucking hero. I could have left her at any time. Unlike you, I don't play vaseline, I don't humiliate myself, and I don't do anything I don't want to, just to please other people." you snort and blow a cloud of cigarette smoke at him. He coughs, looking at you offended, to which you just smirk.

"You know, I remember the time when you were doing everything in your power to please ME. In many, many ways, actually." he says, using his hand to wave away your clouds of cigarette smoke.

"Keep these memories close to you because they will never happen again. I'd rather be burned alive than ever sleep with you again." you say it with obvious disgust. Out of the corner of your eye, you see the furrow of anger forming between his eyebrows. "Don't frown. Or make-up artists will have a hard time covering your wrinkles."

"I have no idea why you are so aggressive and act madly when it comes to me. I didn't do anything to you." he responded firmly to your mocks, never taking those ice-blue irises off of you.

"That's the problem, Coriolanus! You think that you don't do anything wrong, when the truth is that you are taking actions that are terrible. I feel like puking just looking at you and thinking about how many children will suffer because of Dr. Gaul's and your crazy ideas." you burst out furiously at him. You are now standing opposite each other, both of you glaring at the other in a furious, defiant way.

"The Hunger Games are necessary."

"Bullshit." you interrupt him before he can make any arguments. You see him sigh, running a hand through his gelled hair.

You catch yourself subconsciously missing his curls and how you used to stroking them when he was lying with you on your couch and reading a set book for one of your classes…

"Have you ever been in the District? 10, 11, 12? No. You didn't. You have no idea what kind of people are leaving there. You live in the safety of the Capitol, and you have no idea how quickly these rats can start a civil war and rebellions. Did you forget what they did to us? How have we suffered? I lost my father, and my family went poor. I had to pretend that I was still a rich snob. Tgiris, my grandmother, and I starved more than once; they wanted to throw us out of the apartment. I had nothing but a meaningless name and family."

"You know, that was the time when you had everything. You had friends, family, and a girlfriend. My love and limitless devotion, respect, and admiration. Now what do you have left? Money? Power? Glory? Besides, people are not the same. They can be good, Coriolanus. The fact that you are too afraid to see or admit it is proof of how huge a coward you actually became." you say it disappointedly, dropping the cigarette to the floor and stomping on it.

"I am not..." he pauses as you look up at him, and your eyes meet. He thought that no one could silence him. But one look from you, full of resentment and sadness, makes him fall silent.

You make him feel weak. As if he was still that poor teenager who had to hide his family's terrible financial situation. Only now he's hiding the fact that your words are actually reaching him. That they actually hurt him.

He couldn't afford to have any weaknesses. He had to be strong, tough, and decisive. However, after one look at you, it was enough for him to begin to question everything he had learned under Dr. Gaul. To question everything he did after the fucking Hunger Games and Lucy Gray.

"Yes, you are. Everything you are doing and every bad decision you've made, you made out of fear. Fear of losing your life. Of losing your position. Of never coming back to the Capitol. You are a coward who desperately tries to play the brave man that matters in this world."

"You have no idea what it was like in the district! Or in the Hunger Games, when I had to get Sejanus out of there. You don't know what you would do in such a situation, so don't you dare stand there and judge me. Not when all I could think about in those days, what kept me away from absolute madness, was you." he says, desperately trying to present his actions to you as right, to make you understand his point of view and the reasons why he did all of these.

"Maybe not. Maybe I don't know what it's like. But I would never become the cause of the death of my best friend. You have his blood on your hands. I will never forgive you that." you notice him flinching at your words, but that's all you can see through the mask of indifference he suddenly decided to wear. But his eyes—his eyes and the emotions hidden in them—remind you so much of your Coryo.

"Do you think I have removed it from my memories? That his screams didn't haunt me in my dreams? That I simply forgot about him?"

"You are certainly on a good way to do it, Coriolanus." your soft whisper gives him goosebumps. You look at each other for a moment. When you realise he has nothing to say, you shake your head, laughing bitterly, mocking yourself for thinking for a moment that he really was more than just the cruel Gamemaker, and turn away.

You walk towards the exit, but suddenly you hear his quick footsteps behind you. He wraps his arms around your waist with one hand and holds your hands with the other, making sure you don't break away. He rests his forehead against the back of your head, inhaling your scent for a moment before whispering into your ear.

"Do you remember that place?" he asks, his nose stroking your cheek. "Our second date. Sejanus, let me take you to one of his parents' penthouses. They were supposed to be on vacation, but they came back earlier. We had to hide on the roof and wait since they would leave so we too could. We had a picnic here. I was holding you close to my chest, a little closer than I am doing now. It started to rain. I was furious because I wanted everything to be perfect for you, and as always, everything went terribly wrong. I wanted to look at the stars with you and run my hands through your hair while you fell asleep on my chest, cuddling up to me as if I were your teddy bear. I loved feeling the weight of you on me. In every circumstance. Anyway, we gathered everything and ran to your house. You let me into your room through the window. We took a hot shower together and..."

"And then happened the worst sex I've ever had." you interrupt him, trying to regain control of the situation. He only laughed at that, which made your heart skip a beat when, for the first time in so many months, you hear him laughing truly, not in a mocking, bitter, or fake way.

"The worst? Your moans and scratches on my back proved otherwise. Besides, considering it was the first time for both of us, I guess I did a good job. Your silky skin has haunted my dreams since that night. It never stopped. And judging by the way you are breathing right now, you also seem to think about that time fondly. We can do it again at my place tonight if you want. I am now in a much better position to truly make your nights unforgettable."

"I'd rather be bitten by one of Dr. Gaul's snakes, but thanks for the offer." you huff, getting out of his arms and pushing him away from you as you go to the exit of the Plinth's penthouse's roof.

"Don't tempt me. You know I can arrange it. Sucking the poison out of your delicate skin with my mouth is a really tempting alternative." he says, following you as you both return to the main hall.

"Disgusting pervert." you whisper over your shoulder so that only he can hear you in the crowd of elites and reporters who have gathered.

"Both of us, my darling. Both of us. But the point is..." he grabs your hand and helps you down the stairs as if he was a true gentleman. You would roll your eyes at this, but people have already noticed, you know, that you have hardened the mask of politeness on your face. "I remember everything. I am not losing my memory. I never will. Not about you. Not about us." he whispers, and you feel his blue eyes burning a hole into your temple with how intensely he stares at you.

"You must be mad to think that I will just go back to you. Besides, I don't have time for you. My voters are waiting for me."

He chuckles and gives you a mysterious, quizzical look that you can't read. But before you can analyse his stance, he pulls your hand to his mouth and places a gentle kiss on it. His full lips tease your skin, setting it alight with the reminder of all the times he's had the opportunity to do this.

He pulled away from you as quickly as he leaned into your hand. He smiles, giving you a view of his pearly teeth. How pleased the devil is...

"We shall see, my little petal." he whispers. Your old nickname he gave you one day is sounding as perfectly sweet as it used to, and you are not sure how much strength you have left in you to not let him melt your heart. Then he walks away from you, leaving you in the crowd of other people.

And you stand there, rooted to the floor, and all you can do is stare at the back of his head as you try to snap out of the feeling of his lips against your skin, trying not to dream of experiencing all of him again.

A week later, you were returning from another party. You managed to sneak out a little earlier than usual without anyone noticing. Relieved, you got into the empty elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor. You leaned against the wall and sighed, rubbing your neck, where you wore a diamond necklace. Your momentary alone relief didn't last long.

As usual, you smelled him first. The faint hint of roses hit you as the man leaned against the wall of the elevator next to yours, giving you some space. You glanced at him casually. This time, he didn't have a rose on his vest. He was also much paler.

"The makeup artists chose the wrong powder for you." you say, not knowing why you even initiated a conversation with him.

"Was Thomas so tired that he couldn't stay with you until the end? Was he too scared to hold on to the precious diamond that had fallen into his hands like a grain to a blind hen until the end of the night?" he responds to your taunt. You frown at the hint of jealousy in his voice.

Coryo has always been possessive and unsure of your relationship and whether you might leave him one day for someone better. Therefore, any man's attention towards you caused... unpleasant feelings for him. He obviously still had this behaviour towards you. Even though you were no longer together.

"He has an exam. Anatomy or some other shit. But don't worry, he will definitely accompany me when the election results are announced."

"Seriously? Are you now going to show off with that little boy-toy?" he asks you furiously. You can feel how his cold blue eyes are piercing right through you.

"Livia Cardew?" you scoff as well, opening your eyes to glare at him with an equally disgusted look. "But you know what? Actually, I'm not surprised. The biggest whore in Capitol. After you, of course."

"You slept with that whore 374 times. Which makes you equally slutty, little petal." he says with a cheeky smirk. You huff, folding your arms as you look at him in disbelief.

"I can't believe you were pathetic enough to actually count this."

"You're lucky I've lost count of the number of orgasms you've had because of me."

"And you are disgusting." you shake your head, impatiently waiting for the elevator to go down to the ground floor so you can get far away from him. You try hard not to think about all the times you had… done this.

But he doesn't let you go that easily. He leans down and brushes your hair back to give him better access to your ear to whisper.

"And you crave me as much as I crave you, my darling."

"Do you think that just because you started donating to charity organisations, I will suddenly fall into your arms or into your bed? You think I don't know you're doing this as part of a campaign? To get more votes? Are you that stupid to think that I will fall for it and believe that you are trying to be a better man for me?" you ask him, angry and defensive, mocking him.

"I'm starting to doubt my ability to do anything you could approve of. But it's nice that you still care about me enough to be interested in what I do."

"You can give up your candidature for president if you want to see me happy." he laughs at your words, looking at you with a mischievous smirk.

"And make it so easy for you? No way, my darling. We both know that only the two of us have a real chance of winning. You should finally surrender and join me. We both know this is where we'll end up. I, with you by my side, just as it has always been."

"Not always. I remember very well the time when it was only you and your songbird." the elevator is on the second floor when he aggressively presses the stop button.

You try very hard to hide from him the fact that you feel insecure in this situation. In a small space, with him practically at your fingertips, you don't know if you can control yourself. So you try to remember all the disgusting crimes he committed.

"It was just a game. A show for the Capitol. You know I had to win. It didn't end the way I wanted, but you know perfectly well that I had to do it." he says, placing his hands gently on your shoulders as he tries his hardest to keep your eyes on him and you standing still in your place for the time he talks.

"I've already told you this. There is always another choice." you growl in his face, furious, refusing to give up.

"You wouldn't even talk to me if I still remained a nobody. You would have dumped me the moment it became known to all Panem that my family was poor and that Snow's name meant nothing. And marrying you would only be a distant dream of a madman."

"As if you had any chance now." you mock him with a laugh. You somehow push him away from you and press the start button. The elevator starts moving down again.

"I have your parents' blessing."

"And my disgust and resentment towards you."

There is silence between you for a moment. He stubbornly stares at your face, trying to read some emotion there, but you give him nothing but a blank stare at the door in front of you as you impatiently wait for it to open.

"What do you do when you win?" his question catches you off guard for a moment. You look at him in shock.

"What?"

"What do you do when you win? Bring an end to the Hunger Games? Try to get me killed? Why are you doing all of this?" he asks, standing directly in front of you. Your chests rub against each other with every breath you take. You lift your head slightly, staring at him defiantly.

"So YOU won't win." you finally reply, shuddering as he takes your hand gently in his and starts tracing patterns on it with his thumb.

He leans towards you so that you could rest your chin on his shoulder if you wanted to. You shiver, feeling the warmth of his body close to yours and feeling his lips gently brush against your earlobe.

"Snow lands on top." he whispers, hot air caressing your ear as he bites the lobe of it.

"Y/L/N takes everything." you whine, digging your nails into his neck. He gasps in surprise, his hands gripping your waist tightly as he presses you against the elevator wall with his body.

"Or nothing. But don't worry. When I win, there will be no one who can stop me from marring you."

"IF you win, then I will be gone. You will never find me. Just like your little songbird." you can see the fury in his eyes at the mere mention of her. His grip on you tightens.

"She is not mine. You are. Accept it and end this. You don't want to be president. I do. There is nothing more powerful than you and me, so and this damn kind of punishment for me and accept your place as my First Lady."

"Maybe I don't want this… but it will be so funny to watch you fail," you say, tilting your head and watching him closely as his nostrils flare with rage at your stubbornness. "Besides, I'd rather shoot myself in the head than be your wife."

"There was a time when you wanted it. When it was all we dreamed of. You and me. Together. Against the whole world."

"That's how it was. When I thought you were worth something more, when you were my top priority. I thought you wanted something more than money and power, but it looks like I never meant for you that much to be as important to you as you were to me. Or maybe I didn't know you at all." you say, no longer hiding the hurt in your voice, and you press the button on the damn elevator to get away from him.

You promised yourself that you wouldn't show him how much he hurt you or how much you missed him. But apparently he wanted to make sure he destroyed not only your Coryo but you as well.

You look away from him, ignoring the fact that he suddenly went quiet next to you. All he did was look at you. And you avoided his gaze, afraid that you would melt in front of him and that you would show him your heart again.

The elevator opens, and you sigh in relief. However, it doesn't last long. You tense up when you see reporters downstairs, waiting at the exit.

"Smile for the picture." you say, and drag him with you towards the exit.

You quickly let go of his arm as he obediently follows you, and you try to ignore the fact that his fingers lightly brush against your hand as if he wants to grab it. You move away from him gently and quickly walk past the reporters and paparazzi.

You quickly get into your car and nod to the driver to go. You lean back in your seat and sigh deeply, placing a hand over your racing heart. You can't help but glance at Coriolanus.

Thanks to your car's tinted windows, he can't see you. Still, he watches your car with his eyes, and for a small moment, you think that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't all rotten to the core. Maybe, in his twisted way, he still cares about you.

The first round of elections was behind you. As you expected, Coriolanus and you achieved the greatest results. The game for the presidency of Panem has begun to be fought solely between you two.

And you were about to play the first dirty card against him. Clemensia nods at you as you head towards the podium and the microphone.

"Good evening, everyone. Thank you very much for all your votes and the trust you have placed in both me and my, well, rival after all." people chuckle gently, you find Coriolanus' curious gaze in the crowd. "I am convinced that, no matter who of us wins the upcoming elections, Panem will be in good hands anyway." You see a glimmer of hope shining in his eyes as he comes closer, moving freely through the crowd. The look in his blue eyes never leaves you for a minute. You would tremble, intimidated by his attention, if you didn't know, what would happen in a few minutes. "Without further ado, I would like to introduce someone who will certainly make this evening more pleasant. You have no idea how much I had to beg our star of the evening to agree to perform today. Ladies and gentlemen. At my ask and to your delight. The one and only Lucy Gray Baird!"

As you leave the stage, you glance at Coriolanus, seeing him staring at the woman with the guitar appearing on stage in shock and mild horror.

You stand further away from the crowd, on the other side of the room—as far away from Coriolanus as you can be—and watch him carefully, leaning against the wall.

You have to admit that Lucy Gray is stunningly beautiful. And the legend she has created around herself, her voice, and her skills only make her more perfect in the eyes of others.

You're not surprised that she charmed Coriolanus months ago and now. In fact, you expect Snow, too overcome with emotion upon meeting her again, to forget his façade and pursue her. With a bit of luck, maybe your people will be able to take compromising photos of him.

But you are surprised when, after watching her for a while, he shifts his gaze to the crowd of people, looking for something. You freeze when his eyes meet yours. You raise an eyebrow, not sure why, instead of staring at the girl, he stubbornly searches for your gaze. Or rather, you don't want to admit that you know the reason why, because that's exactly why you quickly leave the great hall of parliament and run away from the man who is now walking towards you.

And much to your misfortune, Coriolanus Snow learns from his mistakes. That's why you suddenly bump into someone a few metres from the exit at the end of the corridor leading to the elevator. You collide against a wall of toned muscles. His arms quickly wrap around you, keeping you from falling.

"Leaving so soon?" his whisper sent unwanted shivers down your spine, as did how close your face was to his.

"Get your hands off me." you snap at him and get out of his grip. You stare at the elevator, contemplating how to get past him and get in, but he sees your intentions in your eyes and blocks any escape route with his body.

"What game are you playing?" he asks, staring at you. You lift your head, returning his defiant glare. "I don't even care how the hell you found her. Why is she here? What do you need her for?"

"Shouldn't you try to catch your little songbird before she flies away again?" you mock, ignoring all of the questions he asked you.

"I am." he says, staring firmly at you, making you more confused by his actions than before. He should have been after Lucy Gray… why the hell was he keeping you pinned to the wall, blocking your only escape route with his body?

"What?"

"I am not letting you run away. We are solving this here and now." he says this, looking around the hall. You take advantage of his moment of inattention and try to free yourself from his strong grip, but he doesn't move even an inch in your struggle. Fuck his peacekeeper training.

"We have nothing to solve, get it into your stupid head!" you shout at him in frustration, unable to get out of his arms.

"You know what your main problem is? You don't allow yourself the idea that you might be wrong or that you don't know everything about me. I may be a monster, but I've never lied to you. About anything. Lucy Gray and I had nothing when you were with me. Whoever gave you these stupid rumours was lying. Ask her. She'll tell you that the only thing I did was kiss her. When I was drunk in District 12, exactly the day after I got there. And do you know why? Because I was convinced I had fucked up my life and I would never see your damn face again. And fuck, even kissing her couldn't get you out of my mind. All I thought was you. All I think about is you. I can admit it out loud. How about you?"

"I despise you." you growl angrily, struggling in his arms.

"Yes? Then why did you frame Livia for engagement to Festus? You think I don't know it's because of you that they were caught fucking in the garden together?"

"I wanted to discredit you. Show that your girlfriend is sleeping with anyone on the side. Besides, you made Thomas fail at university, and he had to retake his exams today, which is why he couldn't show up. I had to take revenge."

"No. You were jealous of me. You wanted to get rid of her and you did. Why are you playing the gardener dog? Why don't you just admit that you want me?" you roll your eyes at him, trying your hardest to hold on to your internal irritation and fury at him. But it was a very demanding task, considering how his mesmerising icy-blue eyes were now watching you very carefully.

"I don't want you." you say, trying to sound firm but also a little indifferent, enough for him to believe you. But you can see by the way his eyebrow raises that you've screwed up something.

"Yes? Then kiss me." his sudden command leaves you extremely stunned. You almost lose the fight with yourself to keep your jaw from opening from shock.

"What?"

"If you despise me, if you don't care about me, then you will have no problem with kissing me and walking away like nothing had happened." he explains, moving closer to you, your noses brushing against each other, you feel his breath brush against your lips, and the warmth of his mouth is so close that it makes you feel as if you could actually touch him.

"Let me go. I'm not going to make a fool of myself for your own amusement. Those days are gone forever; we are not a couple, and we will never be together again. Get over it!"

"Then kiss me. C'mon. Prove your point. Kiss me as if you hate me. As if you despise every little part of me just as much as you claim. Prove that you have absolutely no feelings towards me despite hatred and grudges."

And God, you want it. You want it so much that it hurts you not to be able to press your lips to his right here and now.

You know that the moment your lips meet his, all your cold demeanour towards him will melt away like snow in spring. You know that you will easily return to his arms, giving yourself to him and proving nothing in your favor. And you've come so far—too far—to let him see past your facade now, to let him make you want him even more than you already do.

You shiver as he leans in so that his nose brushes yours as he gently cups your cheeks in his hands. He doesn't make the first move. Of course not. This cunning snake tempts you to give in to your greatest, darkest desires, which you feel ashamed of for having managed to survive in the recesses of your heart.

"End this torment. For both of us sake."

Just a gentle touch, you think, hearing his whisper and feeling his body softly press against yours, complementing you perfectly as always. One taste of his lips. Just one...

Your heart beats fast, and your breaths are mingling in the small space still left between you two. With a trembling hand, he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. His fucking eyes are all you can look at, the unspoken request shining so brightly in them that you can't mistake his desire for anything else. And you give in, tilting your head to place your lips so close to him...

A loud bang makes you both pull away from each other. A drunk senator staggers towards the elevator, nodding at the two of you. He mumbles something under his breath, and after a quick glance towards Coriolanus and a nod of his head, you decide that he will walk him away and make sure he doesn't tell (or remember) how outrageously close the two of you were just moments ago.

You walk back to the party, trying to calm down enough to let the blush fade from your cheeks.

You make sure that Clem sends Lucy to her hiding place after her performance, and you continue to politely smile and pose for photos, promoting your allegiance.

And the next day, when you are reading the morning newspaper, you notice in one of the photos that this bastard put a rose behind your ear.

It was raining heavily.

It was late at night as you were preparing for your speech the next day. You walked around your room with a piece of paper in your hand, gesturing and practicing proper intonation and posture.

“Miss Y/L/N?” you stop when you hear the voice of one of your maids. "We have… an unusual situation."

"What? Did something happen?" you ask, confused at her uncertain tone of voice.

"It depends on how you interpret the situation, miss." you raise an eyebrow at her questioningly. She points to the window. You frown in surprise, but walk over to the window anyway.

"What the bloody hell is he doing here?" you whisper, seeing Coriolanus standing in your garden. He was completely soaked. His hair and coat were soaked with water, clinging to him as he stared at your window, standing still as the rain hit him.

"David says he's been there for several hours. He tried to talk to him and get him to leave, but Mr. Snow… just stands there."

Your first instinct would be to close the curtains and pretend he wasn't there, but you didn't want to think about the scandal that would start if anyone found out that your rival was standing outside your window in the full rain like some lovesick puppy. It was obvious he had to be here for a reason. It was probably some dirty play on his part. Something that was intended to negatively impact your candidature.

But then you looked at him. Even when you showed up, his gaze was... disturbingly empty. He couldn't fake it that well. It was not like he could completely hide his reaction to seeing you.

"Does anyone else know about this?" she shakes her head, and you sigh. You have no idea why he's standing outside your window in the heavy rain. You're just thanking fate for him choosing the day your parents left the Capitol to behave so strangely. You just hoped no meddlesome paparazzi saw him. "All right. Make sure it stays that way." you ask her and walk out of your room.

Walking downstairs to get to your coat and umbrella, you wonder why the hell he's standing outside in front of your mansion, staring at your window, risking getting sick with all the rain pouring down on him furiously.

It has happened before that he was standing under your window. Before this whole Hunger Games thing started, Dr. Gaul and Lucy Gray he would often sneak up to you through your window to talk about what was bothering him.

But that was a long time ago. And now you had no idea what he was doing out there and in all this rain.

You wrap your coat around yourself and take an umbrella as you go outside. The rain somehow seeps through your shields, hitting you unpleasantly. Water droplets start to soak into your clothes. You wonder how he stayed there for so many hours.

"What the hell are you doing here? Are you crazy?! Is this another one of your sick tricks against me?!" you shout, walking towards him. But he doesn't answer. His eyes are locked on you as he stands there, motionless. You notice that his eyes are bloodshot from crying, and his hands are shaking slightly, as well as all of his body. You don't know if it's from the cold or from crying. "Coriolanus?" you ask, starting to seriously worry about him.

He trembles even more, not looking at you. He fixes his gaze on your shoes. What worries you is that he is completely oblivious to the rain pouring down on him. As if he didn't feel anything at all anymore.

“Alright, come on.” you say, pulling him by the arm towards your mansion. You hide him a bit under the umbrella, but it doesn't change the fact that he's soaked like a dog. Maybe even worse.

His silence, the lack of any emotion on his face, worries you. You haven't seen him like this before. So… empty.

You enter the house through the back entrance. You put the umbrella down and turn towards him. Seeing that he's still not reacting to any stimuli and acting like he's on some kind of autopilot, you walk up to him and start unbuttoning his coat.

He doesn't comment on your behavior. Neither do you say anything. You just want to get him out of all those wet clothes so he won't get seriously sick... You have no idea why you worry or why you care. Maybe you are on some kind of autopilot too.

As you lead him to your room, you are involuntarily reminded of all the times he snuck there with you. When you were still the closest people to each other in this world. When you came to each other for comfort. When you were each other's only shelter.

"I should still have some of your old clothes here. You should go change and take a warm bath. There's no way you wouldn't get sick after this." you say, walking over to your clothes chest and looking for some of his old shirts and pants.

"Grandma'am is dead." he says it in an empty, emotionless tone of voice. You freeze in shock and slowly turn to face him. He still stands where you left him, his gaze blankly fixed on the space next to you.

You don't say anything. You don't know what to tell him anyway. You just stare at him, waiting for him to say something more. It bothers you how he just… doesn't do anything. Acting as if all that was left of him was an outer shell, a facade that barely held together.

You walk up to him and take his cold hand hesitantly into yours. You stare at them for a moment and look up, meeting his icy, bloodshot eyes.

"I... I am so sorry, Coriolanus." his bitter laugh at your words might be a good sign after his disturbing behaviour earlier, but somehow it worries you even more than his silent attitude and blank stare.

''You will never forgive me, will you? You will always see me only as a monster? As a murder and nothing more?" he asks, hearing that you still call him by his name, even at a time like this. The version he hated, instead of the sweet nickname he hadn't heard in a long time. Which even Tigris stopped using.

"Thta's not..." you start, concerned at the calm tone in which he says it. As if the truth of what was happening between you was starting to dawn on him.

"This is exactly what I am to you! A heartless monster! But you know what?! I AM NOT! And you... you are a hypocrite." he starts getting angry and pushes your hands away from him as he paces around your room.

"Me?!" you scream at him, disbelieving. You step in front of him, blocking his path and forcing him to face you.

"YES! You! You may not be a murderer, but you do something much worse. Your indifference, your hatred, and your aversion towards me—do you think it doesn't do anything to me? You've been killing me and hurting me day after day since I left the fucking Capitol and was sentenced to exile. And since I came back, your face, your voice, and your memories haunt me more than ever before. Missing you is killing me. Watching you from afar is killing me. Not being able to hold you in my arms is killing me. You said you could confidently say you're not a murderer. I do not agree. You kill me every day, and each time in a more cruel way. But all I can do is follow you like some faithful puppy, waiting for you to change your mind and give me a chance to show you that I'm not lost, that I'm not a monster, and that I didn't WANT any of this to happen! I spend every sleepless night, when I can't pass out in bed due to exhaustion and lack of sleep, thinking about you! And even now... when my life is falling apart around me, all I can do is... come to you. Just like I've always done."

He's shaking with emotion, and you think you've never seen him so moved or so shaken before. You wonder if he might have gotten drunk, but those thoughts quickly leave you when he suddenly leans down and wraps you in his arms. He buries his face in your neck, inhaling your scent as he continues to shiver. His wet clothes start to soak yours, but all you feel is his breath on the skin of your neck.

"I miss you so much, petal…" he whispers, and you stroke his wet hair, unable to tell if it's his tears soaking the collar of your shirt or his wet clothes or skin from rain. In fact, it doesn't really matter to you at all right now.

"Why did you come here? Of all places…"

"And where else could I go?" he interrupts you, his eyes looking at you so… pleadingly. As if there really was no other place on earth he could go in such a situation, where he could wallow in his grief and despair.

"I don't know… to Livia or…" he cuts you off before you can finish your sentence. He tangles his hand in your hair and pulls you in for a kiss. His lips are terribly cool against yours, but it only enhances how amazing you feel as he caresses your lips tenderly with his. 

He slowly steals the warmth from you, which you're strangely happy about while he's deepening the kiss. You press yourself against him, slowly warming him up, his wet clothes uncomfortably transferring their wetness to yours, which you ignore in favour of kissing him. Just like the drops of cold water dripping from his hair onto your forehead, which doesn't sober you up and doesn't make you move away from him. If anything, you place your hand around his neck and pull him closer.

Eventually, though, you both have to pull away, gasping for air. You both take shaky breaths, his forehead resting against yours, as your senses slowly begin to come back to you. But you're secretly glad that his hands don't leave you as he uses the pad of his thumb to stroke your cheek, your lips, your cheekbone, anywhere he has a chance to touch you, as long as he doesn't take his hand away from your face.

"Only you saw me in my fragile form. Only you saw my shattered heart and the shell of myself. I... only allow myself to be vulnerable with you." he whispers with his eyes closed, keeping his forehead pressed against yours, trying his best to hold on to you as if you were his only anchor.

"Being sad, mad, or vulnerable doesn't mean being weak. Don't be ashamed of having emotions. I... all I ever wanted... was for you to... to be something more than all of these people in the Capitol. To be someone more than what Dr. Gaul tried to mould you into. You are a good man, Coryo. Please show me that you can still be that man. That my friend and lover is still there."

You don't talk to each other anymore after that. You don't know whether he has heard your request or is even considering granting it. All you know is that you lost that night. That the rational part of you had gone to fuck itself, seeing him so vulnerable and hurt, just as you were.

So, when he tries to break away from you and walk away, you grab his wrist tightly, stopping him.

"Stay. Don't go." you whisper. You don't know if it's a request or an order. He doesn't think twice about it either, turning back to you after a moment and pulling you into his chest as he holds you tightly in his arms and buries his face in your hair.

And he stays. You manage to get him to take a hot shower and some medicine in case he catches a cold.

This night, you fell asleep in each other's arms. Every now and then you stop stroking his hair, his back, and drawing patterns on his chest to use the pad of your thumb to gently wipe away the tears that sometimes fall from his gorgeous blue eyes.

And in the morning, when all that remains from him is a scent of him, of his cologne, and a dent on the pillow, you can't help but feel disappointed and silently hope that maybe your Coryo is still alive.

You haven't had a chance to be alone with him since then. You both are too busy running your campaign and the ongoing rivalry between you two.

However, you notice that he has stopped sending gifts, late-night phone calls, or other ways of getting your attention. Whatever relationship you had was purely political. You didn't know whether to be happy or cry.

Tigris stopped talking about him. You don't know if it's a good change, but she doesn't mention her cousin anymore. She was quieter after her grandmother died. The black clung to her wardrobe and skin, highlighting her paler than usual complexion.

It was the evening they were supposed to announce the election results.

You took the elevator to the top floor of the Snow apartment, picking up Tigris and Clem on the way and heading to your house to either celebrate your success or failure.

You sigh tiredly, leaning against the elevator behind you. You close your eyes and listen as it moves up to the next floor.

You open your eyes when you hear a soft, buzzing sound. Things have changed a bit since you were last here. The interior was, of course, renovated and more elegant, but somehow... more emptier.

You try to shake off the feeling as you go further.

"Tigris?! I'm here!" you shout as you enter the living room.

You look around curiously, waiting for the blonde. You walk over to the bookshelf, looking through its contents. You choose one of the books and sit on the couch, but before you open it, you notice a framed photo on the coffee table.

You take the frame in your hands and look at an old photo of you and Coryo at the end of one year at the Academy. You cup your hand around his cheek, pulling him closer to you as you press a kiss on his cheek.

You smile as you remember the circumstances of taking this photo.

Sejanus found an old camera among his father's belongings. He insisted on taking photos to celebrate the end of a difficult year of study for all of you. You didn't know that Sejan developed the photos and gave them to Coriolanus.

And you certainly didn't expect him to keep them.

“I'm afraid Tigris is not here.” you place the photo on the coffee table and slowly turn towards Coriolanus. His hair is not combed with gel; it is slightly messy, and he has those adorable, damn curls on his head again. "She left a few minutes ago. You must have passed each other."

"Oh. She probably went to Clem's." you say, standing there slightly awkwardly and looking at him. He's wearing a black shirt and pants. Slightly wrinkled for your taste and definitely too wrinkled for his. "Are you alone?" you ask, unable to stop yourself.

"I am." he says, putting his hands in his pockets, walking around the couch so that he's now standing next to you, and picking up the book you were planning to read before Tigris came downstairs. "I guess your Thomas is waiting for you at your home."

"We... kind of broke up. Well, we weren't together, but… our paths diverged." you admit, taking the opportunity to have his back turned to you as he walked over to put the book back on the shelf. You can see his shoulders tense slightly. You've never wanted to run your hands down his muscular back more.

"What a pity. Right when I remembered his name…" he murmured. You take a few steps towards him, the click of your high heels echoing throughout the empty apartment.

"You always knew it, you were just too offended and angry to use it." he chuckles at your words and turns to face you, leaning his back gently against the bookshelf.

"Maybe." he hums, nodding his head, his eyes studying you intently.

"Maybe." you repeat after him, warmth rising in your chest as you see a stray strand of his hair fall onto his forehead.

"You should go back. I believe they will announce the results soon." he moves past you to grab the photo from the coffee table and places it on the chest of drawers next to the chair next to the bookcase. In the meantime, he turned on the TV, and he was right—they were going to report the results soon.

"What will you do if… you don't win?" you ask him, and he freezes for a moment. He sets things on the shelf, trying to arrange everything perfectly as he ponders his answer. You are getting a little nervous since you can't see his eyes or facial expression.

"I'll think of something for myself. Don't be happy. You won't be able to dance over my grave for a long time." you snort, shaking your head in amusement at his answer.

"I believe that in this case, it will be you who will be dancing at my funeral. And quite quickly."

"Stop it. You know damn well that I would never hurt you." he snaps at your answer as he turns to face you. You have been taken aback by his sudden reaction, but your defense system quickly kicked in.

"Sejanus..."

"I regret it every fucking day. Every day I wake up in the morning and don't see you on the other side of my bed. Every day I spend time surrounded by people I can't trust. Every day when I see Tigris' betrayed look and your disappointed, hurt gaze, it haunts my dreams as much as his screams. And maybe I'm a monster because I really don't care if he lives or dies, but I REGRET IT. Honestly. By you. Because of you. Because I lost you. I... I had lost you." he whispers the last sentence, as if it's only now dawning on him what really happened. It breaks your heart to see him like this, especially after what happened a few weeks ago.

"Coriolanus..." you say this and reach out to grab his arm, but this time he's the one pulling away from you. And the treatment you've gotten from him, just the same as you've once treated him, is tasting bitter.

"Just leave." he says, his eyes averting from you as he stares at the window overlooking the Capitol.

You walk up to him and place your hand on his shoulder. He turns his gaze away from the city in front of him and looks at you questioningly, not understanding what you are doing right now.

'Coriolanus... I..."

"And the president of Panem becomes… Y/N Y/L/N! Congratulations, Madam President!" the hosts' shouts and fanfare echo from the television, interrupting you. It takes you a while to realise what happened. Your hand falls from his shoulder as you stare dazedly at the TV behind him. You won. You became president.

Realisation hits you. You have no idea what will happen next. And... you're afraid. But not that you can't handle it. Not that you'll have a lot of new responsibilities, or even how many people you'll have to deal with from now on. NO. You are afraid that HE will never be close to you again. And the last few weeks... the last few weeks, maybe even months—had shown you that you couldn't live without him next to you anymore.

You needed Coriolanus Snow… as much as he needed you.

"Congratulations." his words snap you out of your shock and numbness. He sticks out his hand, waiting for you to take it and shake it. But you can only stand there, staring at him as you try to sort out your feelings. "You won't even shake my hand? Am I not worth even that, Madam President?"

You shake your head.

You hear him snort, laughing bitterly at your action, believing this is another example of your stubborn behaviour towards him. He drops his hand, obviously hurt, and is about to respond when you suddenly take a step towards him, cup his cheeks in your hands, and pull him in for a kiss.

He is surprised. Probably the same as you, but he gets over it rather quickly as he automatically responds to your kiss, caressing your lips with his as fervently as ever.

At some point, you end up on his couch, your hands moving from his neck to under his shirt. Your touch breaks him out of the trance you put him in. He takes your hands in his and moves them away from his body.

"I don't want your pity." he huffs, pulling away from you as he stands in front of the couch. You pull him towards you by his shirt so that he's straddling you, and you kiss him again, effectively silencing him as your hands land on the buttons of his shirt.

"You've never had it." you mumble between kisses, trailing your fingers over the bare skin and muscles of his back, and he moans softly into your neck, leaving a few hickeys there along his way to the buttoms of your own blouse. "It was always either my love or grudge."

"And now?" he asks, moving away from you again. His blue eyes stare intently into yours, and you know your answer depends on how this evening goes. And you missed the comforting feeling of his skin against yours too much to worry about his morality, of which you were apparently the sole soul that wanted and was able to take care of.

"Both of them." you reply, licking your lips. Maybe he was right from the beginning? Maybe you were destined to end up together? Maybe you were really the only thing that could keep him on the right path? But were you willing to devote your life to keeping him in check?

"I can work with that." you moan as he kisses you while lifting you off the couch. Your blouse falls somewhere on the floor as he carries you along the familiar path to his bedroom.

His lips caress yours gently like never before. His hands are practically everywhere, gently stroking every bit of your exposed skin. He pins you against his bedroom door and sucks on your neck, leaving a hickey. You moan again, causing the same reaction from him.

"Please, don't ever leave me again." he whispers into your mouth before trying to devour you again.

"Then don't give me a reason to do it." you whisper back, combing his hair as he pulls away from you enough to open the door. He kisses you all the way to his bed, stroking your waist gently.

He lays you down on the bed, his mouth moving to your neck, licking and sucking, leaving a few marks there as his hands moved down to the button of your pants.

"Wait. Wait." he listens to you immediately. He freezes, lifting his head to look at you with concern and a worried expression on his face. "You're not mad that I won?" he gives you such a beautiful smile and laugh that, for a moment, all you can do is watch him.

He was so ethereal... breathtaking in every sense of this word. You have no idea how you managed to stay away from him for that long... even knowing what he did.

"I love you. I have always loved you and always will. I'll get over the fact that you won't be my First Lady."

"Well... you can be my First Lord... or something like that..." he laughs at that and leans in to kiss you. You cup his cheeks in your hands and pull him closer to you. You moan into his mouth as his bare skin touches yours.

You whine in protest as he pulls away from you. He looks deep into your eyes and caresses your cheek tenderly with his hand.

"You sure?" you smile slightly and nod, placing your hands on his shoulders as he pulls you closer to him again. "We shall create a dynasty, my beautiful little petal." he promises you, placing soft kisses on your collarbones. You run your hands through his blond locks, pulling his head and lips to yours. "My most precious diamond." he plants another kiss, this time on the corners of your mouth, undoing your bra. "Mine."

"Coryo..." you moan, and he responds in kind, happy to finally hear his nickname falling lovingly from your lips like it used to.

You don't care what happens next. What will happen the next day? What will happen when you take over as president? Will he try to gain more influence than you? Will he continue working for Gaul? Or maybe you will unite your forces and create a presidential couple that Panem has never seen before. You do not know. All he cares about is his touch, his mouth, and his body against you.

And in the morning, when you wake up wrapped in his arms as he places kisses on your temple and tenderly, lazily draws patterns on your back with his fingers, you realise how good it was to be back where you belonged.

You realise how good it felt to wake up in your Coryo's arms again. Even if neither of you were the same person you once were. And you will certainly have more than one fight, dramatic breakup or silent fight for influence and power.

But after all, love was stronger than any grudge you could feel towards your Coryo... or at least as long as he still was him.

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Cold as ice

a/n I honestly hope you all will cry the way I cried writing this because now I genuinely need four to five business days to recover. Because never have I actually needed to take a minute to sob in the middle of writing.

summary: what happens when Ellie stumbles upon a memorial that turns out to have both your and Joel's kids names on it. When the past pain is brought back to the daylight even the coldest of hearts finally break.

warning: pain and suffering first and foremost, tissues ain't included. Blood, wounds, shooting, killing, multiple death, loosing your kids.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Ellie had slipped out of the shower. She hated being separated from you and Joel. So the fact that you walked away from her, leaving her with Maria, didn't sit well with her whatsoever. You had hugged her tightly before leaving, promising to be back as soon as possible and that you three would eat dinner together as you always did.

She had gotten extremely close to you. Yet there was something in Joel's eyes when he watched you hug Ellie that told her that there was more than you two let her know. She was aware that you two had been together long before the outbreak; she assumed you were married from the bent ring that was on your finger. But besides that, she knew nothing. Well, that you could handle Joel's shit the best of anyone Ellie had met.

She had seen and heard Joel mumbling in his sleep. Watched you rub his back with a sad expression on your face. And the same went for you, just when your nightmare hit - they hit you hard. Ellie had been woken up by your screams in the middle of the night. Joel's calm voice tries to make you calm down. She had only once turned to look at all of this unfolding; most of the time she just pretended that she was fast asleep. "Don't let them, Joel", you cried, "Don't", "I'm so sorry", Joel would sway you from side to side. His own eyes glossed over with tears. "Should have let me die instead. I should have died," you choked out, clenching the shirt Joel was wearing. His face looked stone cold as you clawed at him, sobbing.

Ellie never brought those nights up. If she teased Joel for speaking in his sleep, she had never said anything about your nightmares out loud. After nights like that, she would shimmy closer to you. Making sure she would be holding onto your hand more often or just hugging you every moment she could. Ellie couldn't help the feeling inside her that told her that you needed her.

Ellie hurried down the stairs, zipping the pink jacket she despised solely because of its outrageously girly color. Maria had left the note that she was just across the street, and as much as Ellie enjoyed being alone. She needed to kill time before you two came back. Plus, being away from you made her rather uneasy. She knocked on the door a couple of times. Yet no one answered. After more failed attempts, Ellie just let herself in. "Maria," she called out, stepping into the hallway. The house looked nice and was well lived in. Ellie had never seen anything like it. Even the smell seemed homely. She stepped into the living room, where the fire was crackling in the fireplace. Her eyes fell onto the three names written down with white chalk, surrounded by candles. Kevin, Sarah, and Malakai. Ellie couldn't help but frown.

"Ah, good, here you are. Try it on," Maria said, making Ellie jump as she turned away from the bored and took the coat from her hands. "Well, it's super fucking purple," "Eggplant, fits well?", Maria questioned, and Ellie nodded her head. "Who's been cutting your hair?", Ellie gave the woman a crooked look. "Am… world-class salons," she sassed back, making Maria let out somewhat of a chuckle. "I'll go get my sizers," Ellie argued immediately, but Maria stood firm, "Just the ends I promised."

The sound itself made Ellie cringe as she held onto the side of the chair for dear life. She hated this. Hated getting her hair cut. "I saw you looking at the memorial Tommy made", Ellie swallowed hard once Maria spoke up once again. She hoped this wouldn't be brought up, but then again, she was snooping. "I'm sorry about your kids," Ellie choked out, thankful that she didn't have to look her in the eye. Maria's movements stopped. "It's okay and kid. Just Kevin. Sarah and Malakai were Joel's and Y/N's kids", and a cold shiver ran down Ellie's back. Kids. You two had kids and lost both of them. "I'm sorry, shouldn't have said anything", "It's okay, it… It explains Joel's behavior and why Y/N…", but her voice died down. Maria didn't need to know about your nightmares.

"Look, I won't ask you what you are doing with them, especially Joel…" "Good," Ellie bit back. "You need to understand my concerns", Maria walked right in front of her, but Ellie only glared her way, "Be concerned about your husband, who did the same shit, if not worse". Maria let out a surprised sigh, "You have one hell of a mouth," and Ellie quickly stood up, shrugging off the towel that was over her shoulders, "And you are one hell of a sister-in-law if all you can do is throw shit at Joel." The adrenaline rushed through Ellie the moment the words slipped past her lips. She didn't regret them, but at the same time, she knew she shouldn't have. It was, however, too late. So she quickly stormed out of the house.

Her breathing picked up as she ran. Quickly slamming the doors behind herself. "Ellie?", your voice rang through the place, and she almost sank to the floor with relief. Like a lost animal, she darted towards the kitchen, meeting you midway as you stepped out into the hallway. Throwing her arms around your torso as she pressed herself closer to you. You couldn't help but frown as your hands ran through her hair. Confused as to what had happened, "Love, you are worrying me. What's going on?" You tried to loosen Ellie's grip on you, but she just clenched your shirt tighter.

Ellie almost felt like she suddenly couldn't face you. She shouldn't have found out like that. So she quickly stepped back and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. The worry inside you grew even more as you watched her. "Sweet girl, should I go get Joel?", you asked, but Ellie quickly shook her head, only now realizing that this involved him as much as it involved you. "Okay, well, you know you can tell me anything. I can't help if I don't know what happened," you said, softly reaching for Ellie's hand. Just this didn't feel like anything. This felt like the biggest thing ever.

"I'm sorry," Ellie rasped out, "I wasn't… I didn't want to… but they had a memorial," Ellie cried out, and suddenly it all started to make sense. You moved to wrap her up in your arms once again, "No one is blaming you; you were bound to find out eventually." You ran your hands through Ellie's hair once again. With a sigh, you clenched the necklace that hung over your chest. "You want to know the story of me and Joel?", you asked, making Ellie look up at you with mixed emotions. You nodded your head, "Well, let's make tea and sit down somewhere more comfortable." You knew that this was going to be one painful set of memories to unlock. But she deserved it. She was part of the family now.

And what a journey it had been. You met Joel in a supermarket. Where he was frantically looking for baby formula. The baby he was supporting with one hand screamed bloody murder. "Hello," you said cautiously, not wanting to startle him any further. His helpless, tired eyes snapped your way. You could tell that he most definitely hadn't slept in more than a couple of days. If not his eyes telling you that, then his overgrown and unkempt beard did. This male was a mess. "Do you mind if I", you pointed to the bundled-up baby, "You're in distress, and they feel it. Babies are sensitive to emotions", Joel's shoulders sagged; it looked like your words had finally defeated him.

"Just stand here. If you even think about doing something to hurt her…," you looked at him with a knowing smile. Trusting your blood and soul with a stranger was no joke. Especially being a newly baked parent. Plus, fathers were already way more protective. Especially of their girls. You pressed your hand to the heart, "I'll stand right here, just want to help". Joel nodded his head. Dropping down the box of formula he was holding as he moved towards you, lowering the bundle into your hands.

Even with her face all red and screaming her little lungs out, she was so pretty. You gently rocked her in your arms, "It's okay, gorgeous girl. Why are you crying, love bug?", you cooed at her. Fingers carefully ran down her cheek as you wiped away her big tears. "Shhh, sweet girl, you've got your daddy all worried. We don't want that, do we?" The cries slowly died down, and her big, still-damp eyes stared right at you.

Joel felt like someone had sent this as a cruel joke. His wife, the mother of his child, should be doing this, not some stranger in the middle of the supermarket. "Grab the mixture on the second shelf, more to your right", your voice made Joel snap his head in your direction once again. "I assumed you were looking for a formula. So that one should do her good. Won't upset her stomach if she's also breastfed", Joel clenched his jaw at your words. No, Sarah was not. Her mother had vanished. She didn't even know what a mother was or what it would feel like to have one.

You sensed the tension. Slowly stepping closer to the male, one hand resting on his shoulder. "Don't take this as an insult because I'm sure you are an amazing father. But do you want me to pop by and help out while you rest a little?" You had an odd feeling that the mother wasn't in the picture. That he was all alone. And the baby wasn't older than a month or a bit more. If this man was juggling that alone. Well, that must have been hard.

You hummed to yourself as you fixed up a light dinner from whatever you managed to find in Joel's fridge. Considering the empty cardboard boxes all over the place, it's been a hot minute since he had a proper meal himself. Once he drove you back to his, you quickly ushered him upstairs. Telling him to take a bath and catch some sleep. You knew that he would have fought you on it. If only he wasn't running on the last bits of energy. And you weren't snooping, but while you were cleaning up the kitchen, you found an open letter. A letter you assumed was from Joel's wife. She had left them two without anything, not even a proper explanation. You knew it wasn't your place to judge; motherhood was tough. Not all women were built to be mothers. You had written down instructions for Joel. How do fix a bottle. What different formulas do get, and how to switch them up if Sarah got an upset stomach per se. You wanted him to know that he wasn't alone. Even if you two had known each other for less than a day.

Joel stepped down the stairs hours later. Beard trimmed, eyes less puffy. He found you on the sofa reading a book to Sarah. One of her tiny fists was wrapped around your finger as your soft voice filled the room, "Why are you smiling? Am I that funny?", you cooed at her, making Sarah let out a happy grumble, "Ah, we even lost the pacifier with all the smiling, huh," you pinched her cheek carefully.

Joel was lost for words, to say the least. This was how he saw his family. This was what he hoped he would come down to with his wife. A sob that had held up for weeks, now finally escaped his lips, making you turn his way in an instant. You carefully set Sarah down before approaching him. Opening up your arms in case he needed a hug but keeping a distance in case this was overstepping his boundaries. Yet Joel did fall into your arms. He mumbled out all of his worries and questions that had been bothering him. He had no clue what he was doing. How nothing made sense to him now.

That night, and the many that followed, completely transformed you two. You had practically moved into the Millers' house. You lived not that far away, but the apartment was small, and since the job, you had only managed to cover the rent costs; you were barely getting by as it was. Joel needed someone to look after Sarah while he worked, so having you in the house solved that issue for him. But with each passing week and more, you three fell into somewhat of a routine, and you couldn't help but notice how right this all felt. You always wanted to be a young mom anyway. Sure, the baby wasn't yours, but that meant nothing to you. You cherished Sarah as if she was your blood and flesh. Joel loved that Sarah would grow up having you in her life. A true mother figure and did not doubt that as soon as his daughter learned how to talk, she would without a doubt refer to you as a mother.

Now, almost 12 years later, you still found yourself smiling every time you thought back at the time you and Joel came together, clawing through the struggles as one. "Morning", Sarah ran down the stairs, quickly coming to kiss your cheek as she moved to grab plates for everyone. "Morning, darling, is your father awake?", "Banged on the door loudly, but he's getting old wouldn't be surprised if he didn't hear", you let out a chuckle at her words. She often teased Joel about getting old. Especially now that his first gray hair had sprouted.

"Is Momo up?", Sarah asked, missing the sight of her brother in the kitchen. You turned to the living room, "Tommy is watching cartoons with him." Malakai was a surprise baby, to say the least. You and Joel weren't trying to get pregnant, but at the same time, you weren't always all that safe when it came to sex. When you feel pregnant, you generally couldn't help but have the fear of Joel walking out on you. Yes, you two had gotten engaged not that long ago, but the conversation of having kids together was never a thing.

Yet Joel didn't do anything but cry once you told him. He wrapped you up in his arms as you two swayed in the kitchen at two in the morning, where you had waited for him to return from his shift. "Tell me again; I still can't believe it," he muttered into your ear for what felt like a thousand times, "I am pregnant with your baby." Joel shook his head still, "Baby Miller..", he let out a breathy laugh. Hands coming to hold his head. With you? A baby with you? The most amazing woman on this earth. He surely didn't deserve it, but he was more than grateful for it.

"I know we might get tight on money. I do want to work till I get too big..", you blurred out, letting your biggest worries out. Joel quickly cupped your face, "Don't you worry your cute head about that. I will take more shifts, and we will be fine", yet you still frowned at him. You didn't want him to work any more than he already did. It felt wrong to let him carry the income burden on his own. "I can still work", "I will only agree to that if you are feeling one thousand percent sure that you can do that. I would much more prefer you stayed at home." You did figure it all out, as you always did. Sarah was over the moon to get a sibling, and now more than ever, this felt like a family.

Joel hurried down the stairs just as Sarah came back with Malakai in her arms. Your husband quickly leaned in to kiss you as he grabbed a cup of coffee. "Birth-a", Malakai clapped. Sarah leaned in to whisper something into his ear once again. "Daddy Old," he said happily, making you let out a laugh, especially when that proud smirk painted Sarah's face. Joel shook his head, "I'll send Cooky Monster after you two. Come here and hug me, you crazy bunch." Watching your kids wrapped up in Joel's strong arms always made you feel some type of way. He was the best father a child could ask for.

"No pancakes?", Sarah grumbled as she looked at the scrambled eggs in front of her, "Frown at your father, he forgot to buy it". It was a tradition to have pancakes on birthday mornings. One that all four of you took very seriously. But with the job load only getting bigger, you couldn't blame Joel for forgetting to get it. "Will we at least get the cake?", "I'll buy one on my way home, I promise," Joel said, scuffing down the egg. Sleeping in meant more rushing, especially when he still needed to drop Sarah off at school.

"Good cause it would be a shit birthday if we didn't at least get that", she said in frustration, "Language young lady", you nudged her shoulder. "Your shirt is insane out, handsome", you pointed your fork Joel's way as he dropped the empty plate in the sink. "No, it is not," he argued, looking down, "Dad, you are seriously getting old," Joel grumbled while taking off his shirt. You moved to feed Malikai, trying to hide your smile.

"You and I, tonight after the kids are asleep. I have special plans with you", Joel cupped your face, leaning in to kiss you a couple of times. "Gross!", Sarah shouted from the hallway, making you two laugh. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Miller", you packed his lips one more time. God, was letting go of this man hard. "I know what I am still capable of," Joel teased back, making you raise your eyebrows, " I'll be the judge of that tonight, sir."

You three had already eaten dinner. Malakai had been sleeping on your chest for quite some time. Sarah dozed off slightly as you waited for Joel to come home. He was late. That, of course, upset Sarah. You wished it was different. That she would see more of him. You hoped that now that you had landed a pretty good job deal, you could balance it out. That Joel could be home more often, and the kids wouldn't have to miss him that much.

The sound of the keys jingling made you stir as you noticed Joel walking into the living room. He was tired, as always. Sarah stirred from beside you. "You're so late," she mumbled, leaning more into you as you ran a hand through her hair. "I know, baby girl; I'm so sorry." Joel kneeled in front of her, carefully tickling her side in hopes to make the grumpy go away. "Did you at least get the cake?", Joel cursed under his breath. All the way home, he knew he had forgotten something, but it only hit him now. "Are you for real, dad?", "I promise I'll get the biggest cake I can get for you all tomorrow."

Sarah looked up at him, letting out a sigh as she reached to wrap her hands around her father's neck. Joel pressed her close to his chest, holding her just a tad harder than most evenings. "I got you something but it's upstairs", she said rubbing her sleepy eyes. Once she had disappeared from the room, you turned to Joel. "I'm so sorry for messing it up," he muttered, sitting down next to you. "Jokes on you, you messed your birthday up." You leaned closer to him. Malakai grumbled in his sleep, his eyes opening for a moment. The sight of his father finally being home made him reach for Joel. He instantly scooped the boy up, pressing a loving kiss to the top of his curly hair as he rocked him a couple of times. Malakai eased into sleep immediately. And you weren't too surprised about it—the warmth Joel carried was enough to make anyone fall asleep within seconds.

"Open up," Sarah said as she handed Joel a box. He shook it a couple of times, trying to inspect it without seeing it. "I know it was laying in your drawer for some time now", "Where did you get the money for it?", Joel looked at the old watch that he had to give up on years ago. "Drugs," Sarah said casually, making you let out a laugh that Joel joined soon after. "I think you got mugged, though it's not ticking." Joel pushed the watch to his ear, and Sarah's face paled as she moved to grab it out of her father's hands. The sound of ticking filled her ears, making her roll her eyes and say, "Not funny, dad."

You moved to wrap your arms around her, dragging her onto the bed with you. She would be sandwiched between you and Joel. "How about a movie, and then I'll tuck my two gremlins into bed", Sarah playfully hit Joel's chest, "Mom, will fall asleep within minutes", she turned to watch you already almost dozing off. "I won't say I won't, but I'm giving you ten minutes, and you will be out as well", you hugged her closer, eyes falling onto Joel who looked down on you two fondly.

"If I knew what was going to happen that night… I would", your voice died down, "I don't even know what I would have changed, but I wish I could go back, you know? To try to do something differently", Ellie looked at you. If you had let yourself smile a little at the thought of the happy memories she knew that now was the time when the real shit was going to go down. Ellie inched closer to you. Leaving her cup on the table as she took a hold of your hand once again.

"I have four civilians by the river," the male said sharply into the radio. "Joel," you whispered, pressing Momo closer to your chest as your breathing picked up. Joel wished he could reach for you and hold you close as well, but he knew that now that was impossible. "We'll be okay, love. All of us will be okay," Joel whispered, his eyes not leaving the soldier in front of him. "Uncle Tommy," Sarah whispered, looking between you and Joel. "We'll get you two and mommy somewhere safe, and I'll go back to look for him," Joel said as calmly as he could, pressing Sarah even closer to him.

The soldier lifted the gun, making you shake your head. "We're not sick", Joel managed to say before the shots rang out. Everything that happened after that was a blur and a slow-motion movie at the same time. The fall off the curb. The cries from Malakai rang out even louder than the bullets. You fell right beside Joel, your hands clinging to the boy and pressing him closer to you. The light from the gun made you close your eyes once again. "I'm sorry", you heard the soldier rasp out, "No, please", Joel exhaled, moving as quickly as he could to shield your body with his own as yet another shot fired. Joel's hand pressed down onto you tightly, not even letting go when the sound around him died down.

"Oh god", Tommy's voice made Joel lift his head, turning his attention to where his younger brother was looking. And there was Sarah. Her breaths were shallow as she pressed down on her side, which was bleeding heavily. Joel felt as if his world stopped for a moment as he crowed towards her. "No… no," Joel breathed out, "You're okay, baby girl, you're okay." His eyes fell on the wound that was pouring out bright red blood. "Sarah", you called out, inching towards her, gasp leaving your mouth as you saw just how bad it was. Joel tried to move her up, but Sarah only screamed out in pain, "I know, baby, I know. I need to help you up."

Joel's eyes were on you as you sobbed by Sarah's side. Hands were now just as soaked as his with sticky blood. Joel looked at Tommy, who was holding Malakai, then back to Sarah, who was gulping down air. He couldn't let his baby die. Not here. Not now. Not his little girl. Not his butterfly. Joel pressed his palms to the shot wound harder, making Sarah roar in agony, "I know it hurts, but you will be okay". You brushed your hand over the side of her face, not trusting your words anymore.

"Tommy, help me!", Joel shouted, but once he turned his attention back to his brother, his breathing stopped. Your eyes followed Joel's gaze. Eyes grew wide at the sight of Tommy standing there with a gun pointed at his head. Malakai being dragged away by another soldier. You quickly rose to your feet. "Give me my boy!", you shouted. No longer sounding like yourself. More like a wild animal out for blood.

"That's a child. Are you going to kill a child?", you stepped closer, but only got met with the back of the gun hitting your back, making you fall back to the ground. "Please, please, I'll do anything," you croaked out, pulling yourself up as you watched the soldier stop in its tracks. The boy in his arms reached out to you as he cried. The soldier let go of Malakai, and for a split second, a rush of hope flowed through you. He was going to come back to you. Your baby boy was going to be okay.

You reached your hands towards him as he took wobbly steps towards you. "Come here, baby, come here, Momo," you called out, barely being able to see through the tears streaming down your cheeks. "Mama," he cried out, making you nod your head. And then the shot rang out. The sound that you knew was going to hunt you for the rest of your life. You saw the bullet pierce Malakai's head as his body sagged to the floor.

The scream that fell from you was far from human. The pain that pierced you was as outrageous. You quickly moved forward, ready to kill the man who had just killed both of your kids cold-heartedly. You didn't make it far as two hands quickly pulled you over to the side. Turning you away from the lifeless body of the toddler.

Joel knew he had to get to you before you joined the kids on the ground. He held onto you for dear life as you trashed in his hands, "I will fucking kill you, do you hear me? I will rip you to pieces, you fuck," you screamed, trying to get loose and out of Joel's embrace. "Let go of me, let me kill him," you spat, nails digging into Joel's arms as you tried to push them away. "I've got you; you need to breathe." His words made you stop. You looked him in the eyes for the first time that night. Another sob escaped your lips as you sank to the floor, hands ripping at the skin of your chest, "Kill me, let me die, I don't want to live", your words were broken in between harsh intakes of breath. Joel shook his head once again, wrapping his arms around you, "I need you, please, I need you".

The sound of the door closing made you jump. You had no clue when you finished telling the story. You don't remember zoning out. Ellie was still holding your hands, her own eyes puffy from crying. Joel stopped in his tracks. The sight of him was not something he imagined coming home to. Your face was pale. Streaks of tears are still visible on your cheeks. Ellie didn't look any better. "What happened?", Joel quickly closed the distance between you. "Did someone hurt you? Are you hurt?", he took a hold of your trembling hand before turning to Ellie. "I…", she started, but the world failed her. The panic inside Joel only grew.

"Ellie found out about Sarah and Momo," you whispered, closing your eyes in hopes to stop the tears from falling once again. To the sound of the names, Joel's jaw clenched as he sat down on the table that was behind him. "I'm so sorry. I just saw the memorial." Joel only shook his head. "I swear I didn't", "Ellie," Joel said firmly, making her stop.

He knew this day would come. He might be half deaf, but he wasn't blind. Joel knew that Ellie was up most nights when you would scream. And was quite surprised that she hadn't yet brought this up in any way. But then again, she wasn't a stupid girl; she knew her boundaries. You rose to your feet, and Joel was quick to steady you, yet you brushed his touch away. "I need some fresh air", "I'll come with you", Joel insisted, but you shook your head, "I want to be alone for a moment". He was going to fight that choice, but by now he had grown to understand that in moments like this, letting yourself feel it out alone, at least at the beginning, was the best option.

Ellie couldn't bring herself to look at Joel as she fidgeted with her fingers, "I didn't mean to…", "I thought I was going to lose her after it all", Joel's words took Ellie by surprise. She quickly turned her gaze toward him. Joel was staring blankly at the wall in front of him. "She did everything she could to die. I didn't sleep; I couldn't. Was too afraid that I would miss something, won't be able to stop her", he exhaled sharply, hands coming over his face for a second.

"You had the biggest impact on Y/N. I saw her smiling for the first time in twenty years when you came by", Joel shook his head. Ellie couldn't utter a single word as he continued to stare at him. "I never meant to hurt you," "You never did. I feel the safest with you. I love you both as my parents. You have been the closest thing to a family that I've ever had," Ellie blurted out quickly. Joel turned to her, his eyes glistening with tears. "I won't let anyone hurt you," Joel whispered, clenching his jaw. Ellie fell into his arms, wrapping herself around his torso. "I know because you've never let anyone down, and you're not about to start doing that now."

[forever-rogue]

TASM!Peter thought I cannot get out of my head for the life of me: Reader pestering him about him and his weird spider abilities like Ned in the MCU movies, but he’s just so loving and patient because he knows he’s weird and she’s naturally curious

AN | Imagine finding out your boyfriend is Spider-Man. It’s going to leave you with a lot of questions, isn’t it?❤️

Pairing | tasm!Peter Parker x fem!reader

Warnings | mild language

Word Count | 2.8k

Masterlist | Main | Peter

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Peter?”

“This isn’t what it-”

“No way!”

“Babe, this is not. I”m not-”

“Holy fuck.”

“Please, you’re dreaming. I’m not actually-”

“Spider-Man,” you blinked a few times and scrubbed at your eyes just to make sure you weren’t dreaming. But when you looked back at your boyfriend he was still standing there, halfway between the window and bathroom, mask in hand and spandex still covering his body. He looked entirely mortified at having been caught, “Peter.”

“Honey, it’s not…I…” he hung his head and let out a long sigh, annoyed with himself for being so careless, “I’m sorry.”

“You’re Spider-Man,” it was all setting in and you weren’t quite sure how to feel; it was a wild mixture of excitement and annoyance and worry and love - everything all at once, “I…you never told me. We’ve been together for almost three years.”

“I know, sweetheart…it was just better than way,” he tossed the mask onto the couch and took a few steps closer to you. You tensed up and shook your head, “I just wanted to keep you safe. That’s all.”

“You lied to me,” you pouted at him and that was enough to break his heart. If there was anything he hated in the world, it was seeing you upset, “for years.”

“I didn’t lie,” he tried softly but you huffed at him, “purposely. You know I would never do anything to hurt you. Everything I do is to protect you.”

“I feel so stupid,” you scrubbed a hand over your tired face in exasperation. All the weird quirks and odd comings and goings seemed to make sense. It felt almost silly that you hadn��t put the pieces together before. Peter wasn’t exactly subtle, “all this time. The random bruises and cuts…the times you suddenly have to leave - your weird schedule. It seems so obvious, doesn’t it? I…Peter Parker.”

“Baby-”

“You’re trying to keep me safe but what about you?” a deep frown settle on your features and Peter shook his head, trying to keep you from going down that particular train of thought, “oh my god. Anything could happen to you! And what if…if something did happen, how would I know?”

Peter gently shushed you, his strong hands settling on your shoulders with a reassuring squeeze. You looked at him, studying his big honey brown eyes and tried to keep the tears in your own eyes from spilling over, “nothing is going to happen to me, I swear it. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“It isn’t funny,” you sniffled as a few tears ran down your cheeks, quickly and tenderly wiped away by Peter, “I love you, you dumb bug. I don’t want anything to happen to you. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Nothing is going to happen to me,” he whispered, brushing his knuckles along your cheek, “you know why?”

“Why?” you huffed softly, reaching for his hand and bringing it to your lips so you could press a kiss to it.

“Because I have to get home to you,” he smiled softly, looking more boyish than anything. You exhaled slowly but nodded, “I’m always going to come home to you. There’s nothing I want more.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” he agreed and you allowed yourself to relax slightly, “by the way, spiders aren’t bugs. Spiders are spiders…well arachnids but they’re a completely separate thing.”

“Fine, you big dumb spider,” you let out a small laugh before playfully rolling your eyes, “you’re just lucky you look in spandex.”

“Yeah?” he teased, turning in a circle and striking a pose, “you think?”

“Shut up,” you groaned as he laughed, “just come to bed with me. But just so you know, this conversation isn’t over.”

“I would expect nothing less, love.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It took some time to get used to the idea of Peter, your sweet, nerdy, wonderful boyfriend, being Spider-Man. He just never seemed capable of something like that but when you really thought about it, it all made sense. Peter was brilliant and had a kind soul; him helping people just went hand in hand with who he was. 

You weren’t sure if you’d ever get over your worries that something would happen to him - just like he wanted to protect you, you wanted to protect him. That, however, didn’t negate the fact that you had numerous questions for him. You wanted to know everything you could about him well, his spider abilities rather. 

You were curious, luckily Peter loved that curiosity. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Where do your webs come from?” you’d been wrapped up in the book you were reading but the question suddenly hit. Peter was sitting across the couch from you, doing some work on his laptop. He raised an eyebrow as he looked at you, causing your face to warm up, “I just…you have webby stuff, right? Like…where does it come from?”

“Web shooters,” he answered simply, closing his laptop with a soft laugh and giving you his full attention, “it doesn’t come out of my body, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“But spiders have it-”

“Not a spider,” he reminded you as you closed your book and tossed it on the coffee table, “human-spider hybrid. Kind of. I think that’s what you’d call it.”

“Why don’t they call you Human-Spider-Hybrid-Man?” you made a small sound of surprise as Peter reached over and gently maneuvered you onto his lap. His large hands settled on your waist as you wrapped your arms around his neck, “wouldn’t that be more accurate?”

“You’re overthinking it,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead, “I don’t make it in my body. I make it at the lab.”

“My genius Human-Spider-Hybrid,” you grinned at him and he couldn’t help but return the smile. To say he adored you was putting it lightly, “will you show me sometime? I wanna see it in action.”

He cocked his head to the side as he let go of your waist and held his arms up. You looked at him in confusion and he pulled back the sleeves of his sweater, “they’re right here.”

“Oh,” you reached for one of his arms and looked over the small band around his wrist, “oh? I always thought they were just…bracelets.”

“That’s the point,” he said as you made a small sound of revelation. You held his hand in yours and gave it a tight squeeze, “it’s really not that exciting.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” how could he think being Spider-Man wasn’t exciting? You took his face gently in your hands as you studied the pretty boy, “you are always fascinating and exciting to me.”

“That’s because you love me,” he put his hands on top of yours and give them a squeeze, “you’re biased.”

“I do love you - very much,” you agreed, “but I’d still think the same regardless, Peter Parker.”

He paused before nodding slightly, “I love you too.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Peter could feel you watching him, despite your best efforts to remain subtle. It should be noted, however, that your best efforts were pitiful; you might have been openly gawking at him. He stopped what he was doing and turned to you with a small little smirk on his features, “take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“That’s your area of expertise not mine, Parker,” you weren’t going to bother denying that he’d caught you. You walked over to the kitchen and hopped onto the counter, swinging your legs back and forth as you watched him finish putting away the dishes, “but you make a pretty picture.”

“And yet still not nearly as beautiful as you,” he put the last mug into the cabinet before turning on his heel and pressing a kiss to your cheek, “why were you watching me like a creepo, huh?”

“I wasn’t watching you! Not like a creepo,” your cheeks warmed up as you gnawed on the inside of your cheek, “I was just…admiring.”

“Uh huh,” he teased, settling his arms on the counter and caging you in, “ admiring. You’re cute. Now tell me what you’re really thinking about.”

“It’s stupid,” you offered him a sheepish smile but Peter just tutted at you before nudging his nose against yours, “promise not to laugh?”

“I promise,” he whispered sweetly, “you know you can tell me anything.”

“It’s a question,” you paused for a moment, “are you like super, super strong? ‘Cause aren’t spiders like proportionally strong?”

Peter leaned back and laughed softly, causing you to gently shove his shoulder. Not that it would matter - he was basically unmoveable. He grabbed your hand and laced his fingers through yours before you could say anything, “sorry, sorry! I didn’t mean to laugh - I’m a horrible, terrible liar. It’s just…you’re precious.”

“Shut up,” you couldn’t deny that inside you were beaming from his praise, “I am not precious! Just curious.”

“I’m pretty strong,” he explained softly as you nodded, “maybe not the strongest being in the galaxy but its up there. I can show you sometime.”

“That’s why you can move things so easily,” it made sense now, why he never seemed to have an issue with moving the furniture or carrying in all the groceries at once, “wow. You’re amazing. The Amazing Spider-Man.”

“Not amazing,” he wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you off the counter, easily and effortlessly holding you. You wrapped your legs around his waist and looped your arms around his neck, “just basically a mutant freak.”

“You’re my mutant freak,” you buried your face in his chest, but not before pressing a kiss to his neck, “that I love, very much.”

“The mutant freak loves you very much too,” you could feel the laughter rumble in his chest as you allowed yourself to melt into him, “curious girl.”

“Can’t blame me,” he could feel you grinning against his skin, “not everyday you find out boyfriend is Spider-Man.”

“True,” he agreed, “I’d be pretty shocked if I found out my boyfriend was Spider-Man.”

“Peter!” this time you were laughing too as he started to walk you both down the hall towards the bedroom, “where are we going?”

“Bedroom,” he rasped, “I can show you how strong I am.”

“Oh,” you felt your entire body warm up, “yes please.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was late at night, but you weren't feeling too tired just yet. You were in bed, staring at the ceiling and deep in thought as Peter laid next to you reading. You liked listening to him make some small sounds as he read and the sounds of the pages turning.

“I'm not a mind reader but you're thinking much too loudly,” Peter stole a quick glance at you, causing you to scoff loudly as you rolled onto your side so your back was to him, “honey.”

“Mind your business, Parker,” you burrowed further into your pillow, “I was just staring at the ceiling.”

“Hmm,” he mused softly, “what's your silly question of the day?”

“Excuse- first of all, my questions aren't silly,” you sat up right and crossed your arms over your chest, “and secondly, you're Spider-Man! I have a million questions. Don't be a jerk.”

“I am not,” he insisted through a few giggles as you smacked him with a pillow. You knew that you'd never hurt him which just made the situation all that much more ridiculous, “I love your curiosity. I love all the little things that cross your mind.”

“Now you're just pitying me,” Peter rolled his eyes as he pulled in between his legs so the the two of you were facing one another. He put his large hands on your calves and gave them a gentle squeeze, “Pete.”

“I love you, you know?” He asked softly as you nodded. If there was anything you knew in the world it was that Peter Parker adored you to no end. But then, you loved him just ask much, “you never gotta worry about asking me anything. So come on baby, tell me.”

“Fine. Fine,” you groaned softly before mumbling your question to him, “can you like stick to walls and stuff?”

You'd said it so quickly and fast that Peter hadn't caught what you were saying, “pardon?”

“Ugh,” you huffed, “do you have the ability to crawl on the walls and ceiling like real spiders? Or is something your weird mutant DNA didn't get.”

Peter tried his best not to laugh but he could barely stop the corners of his mouth from quirking up, “yeah, babe, that is something I can do.”

“Whoa,” you watched as Peter stuck his hand to the wall and showed you how it stuck, “that's so cool. Kinda gross but cool.”

“It's definitely gotten me out of a few scrapes before,” he admitted, “I'll take you for a ceiling walk some time.”

Your face lit up with pure excitement before your brows furrowed in confusion, “will our kids have your spidey thingies? What did you call it the other day? Spidey senses?”

Peter had stopped processing anything you were saying as soon as he’d heard our kids. It had stocked something deep within him. He only came back to reality when he felt you tickling his side, “our kids? What do you mean our kids?”

“Oh,” your cheeks warmed up as you bit your lips and shrugged lightly, “I dunno, I just think about it sometimes. You know, one day we’ll have kids. We’ve always talked about that. Unless…you changed your mind?”

“No!” he said much too quickly as a small smile tugged up the corners of your mouth, “I haven’t changed my mind. I-I want kids. With you. Only you.”

“Good,” you relaxed slightly as Peter’s entire face turned bright red, “so what do you think? Will they be part mutant spiders?”

“I don’t know exactly how that works,” he whispered as he pulled you closer to him, “maybe it would be inherited or not. I’m not a geneticist.”

“No,” you shook your head as you took his hand in your face, “just a biophysicist and biochemist. Hardly anything to brag about.”

“I’m basically a professional clown,” he grinned as you traced your fingers along the contours over his face. He was so pretty and you loved getting to have him just like this, gentle and quiet and all yours. He took one of your hands in his and brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles, “luckily I’ve got you.”

“I’ve got you too, Peter Parker,” you pulled him into a tight hug; if he had been a normal person you might have crushed him a little too much. Luckily, he was able to withstand your embrace and tenderly hugged you right back, “my Spider-Man.”

“All yours,” he agreed easily, “all yours.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was spring now, and the nights were gentle and warm, finally not filled with rain as they seemed to have been the entire winter. You were leaning out the window and taking in the sights and sounds of the New York evening. 

You heard the door to the apartment open, followed by Peter’s familiar footsteps. Before you could turn around to greet him, you felt his arms wrap around your waist as he pulled you into his chest and pressed a kiss to the side of your head. You sighed softly as you pressed your body into him, “hello my love.”

“Hi sweetheart,” he whispered into your ear, “what are you doing hanging out the window?”

“Just admiring the city,” you turned around so you were facing him, “and now I’m admiring you. I’ve got another question for you, my spider.”

“Which is?”

“Will you take me swinging?” you asked softly, a nervous little expression on your face. Peter’s face grew into a large smile as he nodded eagerly. He’d imagined what it would be like with you loads of times before. He never thought he’d get to make it an actual reality, “but promise you won’t drop me?”

“I swear I won’t let anything happen to you,” he promised, “and I promise you’ll have fun. Whenever you’re ready, just say the-”

“I’m ready,” you said excitedly as Peter laughed softly, “can we go now?”

“Yes,” he kissed your cheeks, “let me go and change. Then we’ll go swinging.”

“You’re the best, Parker,” you grinned at him, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” he looked at you with soft heart eyes, “my spider girl.”

[seancekitsch]

Hazbin Hotel—Lucifer x Reader where he’s a love struck fool for reader? May or may not be inspired by that little imagine you posted not too long ago \(//∇//)\

uhhh this kinda got away from me. enjoy!!

You’d have to be a fool not to notice how the King of Hell acts around you, even Angel and Husk told you that. But you’re not blinded to situation, you know exactly what’s going on. You rest your elbow on the bar next to Angel as Charlie gathers the hotel residents and staff, a job not unlike herding cats. Everyone trickles in slowly, waiting for the next odd trust bond activity Charlie has come up with now. Last week was heartfelt letter writing, and the three of you at the bar had not taken it seriously. You handed Husk a comedic inner monologue about how much you needed to pee, Husk handed Angel a surprisingly detailed made up story about a talking whisky bottle, and Angel handed you a list of what roles he’d cast the entire hotel in a porno.

“What do you think they’ll have us do this time?” Husk mumbles to you, topping off your drink.

“Honestly, not a fan of the way Princess is smiling right now,” you answer.

Charlie waves everyone over, and Vaggie smiles uncomfortably, ready for everyone to start.

“Okay Good Afternoon,” Charlie starts, practically bouncing, “Today we’re going to try to form new bonds!”

Immediately, she’s met with groaning and mumbling, but thats never stopped her and it won’t today either.

“So what better way to do that then having a buddy for the next twenty four hours!” She shouts, and Vaggie’s face immediately makes sense.

“I’ve separated everyone from their regular group so they can build these bonds and be open!”

“…got something you could open…” you hear Angel mumble under his breath.

Charlie gives her dad a thumbs up.

“The first pairing is… my dad and Y/n!”

The Morningstar family sucks at being subtle or lying.

“So what did you have planned for the day?” Lucifer asks while sitting beside you, his voice short and clipped, his entire demeanor like he’s on high alert. It’s cute, really.

“Ah don’t worry about it,” you shrug, “What does the areat King of Hell do with his day?”

Lucifer rubs his neck, fidgeting under your question.

“It’s not… Its not actually all that interesting,” he admits, “You’ve probably got something cooler going on.”

There’s something he’s avoiding besides your gaze, but you don’t press the issue.

You look across the lobby to Angel, who pauses his conversation with Vaggie to mouth something that looked like the word “fart” to you, and then wink.

Your art gallery. Right.

“Have you ever been to Pentagram City’s biggest art gallery?” you ask him.

Lucifer is a gentleman. You understand how he stole the first man’s first two wives from him. Sure, he’s stumbling and stuttering and a nervous wreck, but he’s holding doors open for you and asking about your thoughts and feelings about the pieces on display, he’s accidentally on purpose almost held your hand three times now. Next time he does it, you’re just going to grab his damn hand.

You stare at the sculpture in front of you, noting that you should have someone move this to a different room. In fact, there’s a few things you’ve noticed while showing Lucifer the art that you should have moved around. Maybe you’ve been neglecting the gallery a bit more than you thought now that you live at the hotel.

“Hey, Can I ask you about these?” Lucifer’s voice booms from the next room over. Sighing, you type a quick note into your V-Phone and turn.

Oh shit.

Lucifer found THAT room.

You cross the threshold into the room you never go into, the room with your own work. Honestly, it’s not even curated the way the other rooms and floors are. This is where you put anything that you think can leave your studio. He’s in front of one of your biggest paintings, and one of your newest. It’s an abstract piece about your feelings about redemption, about your past sins, about adjusting to the hotel. Which it sounds stupid when you put it like that, but it made sense in the moment and you’re proud of it.

He turns and smiles before looking back at the painting.

“Is the uh, is the artist willing to sell this piece?” he asks, his cheeks and the tips of his ears turning red.

Now it’s your turn to get nervous. You’ve never actually sold any of your own pieces before.

“I uh- I’m not gonna sell it to you,” you tell him, “You can have it.”

It would be weird to take money from Lucifer, even if he is offering. You like him a decent amount and a transaction between the two of you would make it weird. It would feel like you owe him, even though your art would technically satisfy that. If he was one of the Vees or someone you dislike, you would have immediately taken money.

“But the artist-“

“Me,” you clarify, and you finally remember you don’t tag your own art. Lucifer’s jaw drops at your admission.

“I’d really like to support your work, it’s magnificent,” Lucifer insists, and you feel your cheeks burning. He turns to gesture to another piece, and his knuckles brush your own.

Fuck it. You told yourself you’d do it. You grab Lucifer’s hand in your own, a bold move.

“Just think about it as a gift,” you tell him, “A thank you for the lovely day we’ve had.”

You inwardly cringe, knowing that when you recount today at the lobby bar your drinking buddies are going to tear you a new one for that corny line. But it fits for Lucifer; he’s bringing out a side of you that you really haven’t seen in a while.

“Thank you uh, gorgeous,” he tacks on the pet name like even he isn’t sure about it, and with his hand still in yours, attempts to lean against a sculpture, stumbling as he misses it and bringing you along with him. He tugs you by the arm, jerking you closer to him. He’s majorly out of practice.

“I have a studio upstairs if you want to see more?” you offer, not really sure if you thought that through.

“More art? Absolutely!” He recovers quickly, enthusiasm dripping from his voice.

You smile as you pull him towards the hallway, butterflies in your stomach as it dawns on you that he’s going to be the only person besides you to see the studio.

You and Lucifer end up staying there until Charlie calls him the next morning.

You notice paint on his chin after you get back to the hotel.

[woso-dreamzzz]

Miracle

Aitana Bonmatí x Baby!Reader

Summary: You're a miracle

Aitana didn't take days off.

That was something Keira knew.

Aitana refused to take days off even when she was sick and injured. She always arrives ready and willing to train even though everyone knows that she'd just be sent home.

It's why this past week has been strange.

Aitana didn't come into training once. There was no hide or hair of the girl. Her phone immediately went to voicemail. The lights in her house were always off.

If there weren't still Bonmatí shirts in the kit room then Keira could almost believe Aitana never existed.

It was strange and off putting, especially because whenever she asked, Jona would respond that Aitana was off for personal reasons.

None of it made any sense until all of a sudden it did.

Keira was running later, tripping over her own feet as she hurries out of her car. She slams the door shut as she hefts her training bag over her shoulder.

The sound of another door slamming shut shocks her and she whips her head up to see which of her teammates would be having to run laps with her.

She spots Aitana though.

Aitana who is juggling three different bags and a baby.

"Aitana?" Keira asks," Are you okay?"

Aitana looks half to tears as one of the bags fall. She shakes her head.

"I've got it," Keira says," Come on. Let's get you inside."

Aitana doesn't speak as they both make their way to the empty locker room. She doesn't really do anything apart from occasionally holding you closer, breathing in your soft baby smell and pulling back with tears in her eyes.

"So..." Keira feels awkward. This wasn't how she thought her day would be going. "Are you babysitting?"

Aitana's bottom lip wobbles as she glances at you, shaking her head and Keira doesn't push about it anymore.

"Are you training today?" She asks instead," Or is this just a visit?"

"Training." It's the first word Aitana's said to her all morning and Keira counts it as a small victory.

Her friend looks distraught but you seem fairly happy on her hip.

You're sucking on your fingers and looking around, eyes wide as you garble out half words and sounds. Your happy smiling face changes though when you notice Aitana isn't smiling.

Your whole face scrunches up and you recklessly lean towards her to press what is more an open-mouthed breath than an actual kiss to her cheek.

That causes the tiniest of smiles to appear on Aitana's face. "Sí, thank you, estrella."

You giggle, kicking your little legs as Aitana moves to exit the locker room, Keira hurrying to trail behind.

Jona welcomes them both warmly and seems to forget Keira being late in exchange for greeting you.

"If you still need time," He says to Aitana," Then you're welcome to take more time off."

"No," Aitana says," I need to be back on the pitch. I...We need normalcy. The books said I need to establish a routine."

"If you need help-"

"Jona, I'll be fine."

"Of course you will but you're not alone in this. I'll help. Irene will help. You only need to ask."

"I know."

There's already a space made up for you in the shade. Aitana doesn't question who brought out the playpen to keep you enclosed but she's thankful regardless.

You'd just begun to learn how to get around by rolling and she doesn't want to have to keep one eye on you for the whole of training.

She doesn't have to do it but she finds herself doing it anyway, like she can't bare to be separated from you.

"Hey," Irene says during a little break," I heard what happened."

"From Jona?" Aitana can't help be annoyed. Jona shouldn't be airing out her personal business to anyone.

"Alexia, actually," Irene says," She said you might need some help."

"I don't need help!" Aitana snaps, fists clenched at her side," It's not the first time I've had her! I can cope!"

"Babysitting is different from being her mother."

"I'm not her mother!" Aitana insists," Her parents are going to wake up! They are!"

Paredes look tells Aitana that she thinks it's unlikely and Aitana regrets ever informing the club about what had happened. She should have known they would tell Alexia who, trying to be the ever-helpful captain, would pass on the knowledge to whoever she felt could offer the most support.

Of course, she went to Paredes, the ever-experienced mother of the group. She could have easily gone to Marta too but with her working out how to introduce Caro to her Conejita, she would be too preoccupied to offer help.

"Aitana-"

"Thank you for the offer," Aitana says through gritted teeth," But I don't need it."

She storms off then, turning on her heel. She barges past Alexia who was hovering nearby, intent on giving her a piece of her mind.

Her mouth is already open to hurl an out of character insult at her captain when she catches onto your wailing. It seems you're a bit out of character too today.

You'd slept horribly last night and the night before. You didn't eat well this morning either and you had cried all through the car journey to training. The happiest you'd been was in the locker room with Keira.

Aitana knew it wouldn't last.

But she couldn't work out what was wrong with you. You're weren't hungry. You didn't need a change. You weren't hurt.

You were just sobbing when she picks you up, hiding your face in her neck and wiping your runny nose with her training top.

"What's wrong, estrella?" She coos," What's wrong? What's happened?"

You sniffle a few more times. "Ta-Ta."

"Hmm." Aitana runs a soft hand over your hair. "You just wanted me, huh?"

"Ta-Ta."

"I understand." She sways you side to side until your sobs have turned into little hiccups of emotion and you're looking up at her with wide, teary eyes.

"Just Estrella and her Ta-Ta," She coos," This is very different, isn't it?"

Aitana sits down on the grass, digging around in one of the bags she brought for your bottle. Your parents had begun to try to wean you but the past week has been so stressful already and she doesn't want to do more to unsettle you.

You suckle aimlessly, one of your hands moving to cover the one of Aitana's that's holding your bottle.

She stares ahead as a familiar face sits down next to her.

By now, she knows that her strange behaviour has spread all over the team. Paredes and Alexia both hover uncertainly nearby like they want to offer help again but don't want to wind her up further.

Across the pitch, Aitana can spot Marta and her Conejita doing arts and crafts together.

It sends a stabbing pain into her chest and the words spill out of her mouth before Keira can even ask.

"She's not mine. I mean, she is but not really."

"Aitana, I don't understand."

"Her parents...my friends..." Her throat closes up. "I was babysitting last week for date night and they...A drunk driver hit them."

"I'm sorry. Are they-?"

Aitana shakes her head. "They're in comas. They put me down as Estrella's guardian. I...They...I'm trying my best."

"I'm sure you are. You must love her a lot."

"She's mine," Aitana chokes out," Biologically. She's mine. They-They couldn't get pregnant and I offered to donate an egg and we agreed I'd be fun Tia Ta-Ta..."

"Oh, Aitana..."

The tears are running down her cheeks now and she's can't stop them.

"They were going to have date night with her last week. They said that they'd find something baby friendly but I insisted. It was so close. She could have...Keira, she could have died."

Keira glances at you. You're so comfortable in Aitana's arms and, now that she's really looking, she can see the similarities between the both of you.

You both have the same crying face.

"But she didn't," Keira says," You were looking after her, Aitana. You had her. You kept her safe."

"Ta-Ta?" Your tone is questioning and your little pudgy hands come up to touch her cheeks.

"I'm fine, estrella," She says to you as her phone rings. She already knows who is calling. Somehow, she already knows what they're going to tell her. "Why don't you hang out with your fun Tia Keira? I'll be back in a second."

"Ta-Ta!" You whine as you're shuffled from Aitana to Keira.

"Just a minute. Then it's Ta-Ta and Estrella time."

As she answers the phone, Aitana knows that's it's going to be Ta-Ta and Estrella time forever now.

[kiame-sama]

Drag Me To Hell- (Yandere!Alastor x Chubby!Fem!reader) pt 2.

Warnings; same warnings apply from Hazbin Hotel as to here, but if you know Hazbin, you're already prepared for what's coming, spoilers for episode 1 of Hazbin, a bit more "background" for reader, fem pronouned reader,

~~~~~~~~

"I swear, if you film me goin' at it with mister fancy-talk creepy voice here, you'd be rollin' in participants willin' to stay at this tacky hotel."

"Haha, never going to happen."

You glanced over from where you sat at Husker's bar, seeing Angel Dust make a few gestures to Alastor. The Radio Demon in question had a sneer on his face disguised as a wide grin, almost seeming annoyed with the consistent light flirting from Angel.

Angel would never have him.

Alastor- as you knew him- was not an overly sexual being, and anything that did come over him was fleeting if even substantial enough to act on. Besides, he was not one to expose himself to just anyone. It took decades for Alastor to come to you, and you were by his side more often than anyone else in his demonic life. You suspected part of why he was even willing to approach you about the matter was because you were already the equivalent of a lady in waiting to him.

His living diary. His secretary. His studio assistant. His bed-fellow. His ensnared soul bound eternally to be loyal to him alone. His favorite soul in the entire collection.

You weren't his strongest- if anything, you were his weakest- but you were his favorite.

"Hey," Angel started, "I have a question, if freaky-face over there is so powerful, then why can't he just make people stay here?"

"Oh, trust me," the light around Alastor faded and his antlers slightly grew, "I can!"

It was then Husker spoke up, a bottle in hand and a frown on his face.

"Why do you think I'm here?"

The hell-cat bartender was a familiar face to you. He was yet another soul in Alastor's repertoire and his contract was one that made you pity the gruff demon. You were there when it was struck after-all, not that Husker knew that.

Alastor didn't like going places without you, so he would often contain you inside of his microphone cane. In a sense, you were the spirit possessing his microphone. Where it went, so did you, meaning you were always by Alastor's side. Of course, you could be separate from it, he just didn't usually want you to be. An eternal summon bound by the shred of demonic power you had to your name.

"You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fucks bitch and moan all the time if he wasn't forcin' me?"

"I like being forced."

"Keep that to yourself, Niff."

The sudden interjection from Nifty actually made you laugh, knowing the twisted inner workings of another of Alastor's 'summons'. Nifty was more like you than Husker, far more intertwined to Alastor and his whims than others. Nifty was more of a pet to Alastor- not that you were any better- and she kept things tidied to Alastor's standards.

"Never change, Nifty."

She smiled at you and Husker rolled his eyes, wiping down the same bottle once again. Husker was damn good at being a bartender and listening, even if he bitched about it while it happened. Between the three of you, you all were used to Alastor and his general behavior in most situations. As Alastor's confidant and microphone, you knew him better than anyone else and even then there were things you didn't know about him.

"Darling, can we talk a moment?"

The words sent anxiety down your spine, but you were quick to answer the non-optional summons. Walking up to his side he lazily wrapped an arm around you, leading you away from the group.

"Yes, Alastor?"

"Ah-ah, what did we talk about?"

"Sorry... Yes... Dear?"

"Hm, I never get tired of hearing that. I just wanted you away from them for a bit, that's all~"

Part of you wondered if Alastor was being serious or not, but decided that he had done far deadlier things to other demons for far less than vaguely annoying him by existing. If anything, his new interest in 'pet-names' was a recent development that likely had to do with his growing jealousy. You had been with Alastor on his seven-year 'sabbatical' and now you both were among others like this. It was clear to you that he was finding himself a bit more possessive of you.

"Just happy to have you here, and trust me, I'll make sure you never leave."

[yeeterthek33per]

Taken (Steph Catley x Reader)

A/n requested, hope y'all enjoy. 18+ Minors DNI. Smooty warning. As usual, the star marks the safe limit.

"Steph, come on, we're gonna be late for YOUR team's party if you don't hurry up."

The defender had spent the better part of an hour in the bathroom, and now you were both running late to a party that Steph had asked you to come to.

She knew she was gonna cop it from you and her own teammates if she didn't hoof it, but she had to look good. Especially if she was walking in beside you.

Hence why she was wearing a sleeveless button-up blouse and jean shorts. Something that would definitely show off muscles to compliment your own.

When she steps out of the bathroom, her point is only proven.

She grins, looking you up and down, and you blush slightly under her gaze and roll your eyes at her antics.

You're wearing black denim jeans, a yellow crop top that leaves your stomach exposed, and a black leather jacket over your shoulder.

"Come on, we have to go. I'm meeting your other teammates for the first time, I do not want to be late."

At this point, the pair of you had been together for about seven months, having moved in without much communication to her team aside from Caitlin, who you'd spent time with together on several occasions.

So it took until now for you to actually be able to meet them in person.

You both head out to the car, grabbing your keys along the way. Steph is quick to open your door for you before jumping in the drivers side.

"Ever the gentlewoman." You give her a teasing smirk, and she smiles, pecking you on the lips before starting the car and backing out of the driveway, her hand resting on your thigh for most of the drive.

The moment you walk in, there's cheering from the girls as Steph finally makes an appearance.

"Ayyy Stephyyy, she's in finally, and who's this with her?" It's Katie who yells out first.

"Yeah, Stephy, who's this? She's looking fiiine!" That earns Stina a glare from the defender and a chuckle from you.

"Oooh, Stephy brought the girlfriend, be nice guys, she's a keeper!" It's Caitlin that has you blushing a little behind Steph.

"Girlfriend?!"

"Stephy, when did this happen?"

And various other shouts are accompanying them all at once.

Steph just laughs, shaking her head.

"Alright, alright, alright. Everyone, this is Y/n, we've been together seven months. Play nice, nobody scare her away."

You chuckle softly at the brunette leaving a kiss on her cheek as you're quickly dragged away by Beth and Katie.

Caitlin slaps an arm around Steph and drags her over to sit with Viv, Manu, Frida, and Lia. Much to Steph's protests at being separated from you.

In the kitchen, you're being bombarded with questions from Katie. Occasionally, Beth intervenes and tells her to calm a bit before handing you a drink.

You're definitely a little nervous, but once the alcohol is flowing through you, Katie's not so intimidating anymore.

You spend some time just downing drinks as a mini contest with the irish girl, and you can tell straight away that the alcohol you're both consuming is probably not a healthy amount.

About two hours later, the three of you have been laughing at stories you've been sharing, and at one point, there's tears leaking from your eyes, you're laughing so hard.

There's a knock at the door about twenty minutes after that, and Katie is suddenly dragging you to the door with her, practically jumping with excitement.

"Ooh, ooh, I know who that is. It's Leah, you're gonna love her, she's a party girl like me. Blonde and tall and definitely a terrifying captain when she wants, but absolutely let's it rip at parties."

Something clicks in your head, and you go to respond before she rips open the door.

"Oh I know Leah, she's-"

"Leaaaahhh! You made it finally! My god woman, you gotta start getting here earlier. You missed all the fun with -"

Leah grins at you, a cheeky but confused smile on her face when she spots your slightly tipsy self standing at the door.

"Y/n? Oh, I know you've been having a good time then, Katie. This one will drink you under the table."

"You know each other?"

Leah gives you a cheeky wink.

"You could say that."

"Also, wait, there's no way she could outdrink me, I'm Irish."

"Katie, I love you, but she could end your liver if you tried that."

"Meh, I do that on my own accord."

Steph spots Leah walking in with you from the entryway, the music a little loud to hear what you're conversing about but she watches as the blonde puts an immediate arm around your shoulder and kisses your cheek as you grin and pat her face before heading to the kitchen again with Beth.

She feels a wave of heat course through her chest. Why were you so suddenly touchy-feely with her teammates? Why Leah in particular?

She pushed it down, rubbing it off as you were just friendly with the blonde and a little tipsy, if anything. She knows you'd never cheat on her.

Throughout the night, she watches you joke and muck around with the three girls. Occasionally, you converse with a couple of the others. But she focuses on the comfortability you suddenly have around the Arsenal captain.

She tries her hardest to push down any lingering jealousy, focusing on her conversation with Lia instead.

"And so she was talking to me like I knew her. So, the poor thing, I had to stop her and ask, and I just felt so embarrassed."

-------

"Are you kidding me? She just freaking flopped like that?" You giggle, nodding at Katie as Leah huffs lightly, poking you in the ribs.

"You missy, need to stop telling everyone that, who brought you here anyway?"

"Oh, that's another thing I haven't gotten around to telling you yet."

Leah raises a brow at you questioningly. A playful look of hurt crosses her features.

"What haven't you been telling me?"

" I know you've been busy with your injury, and I didn't wanna dump it on you suddenly. But I kind of maybe am possibly dating one of your teammates..?"

Leah raises both brows now.

"Sorry, what? When did that happen? I know I was injured, but jeez, sis, why not tell me sooner? Who is it? I want to know."

"What so you can fight them? Hell no."

"Noooo, me fight them? Neverrrr."

She leaves a sloppy kiss on your cheek, and you shove her lightly.

Steph watches this happen from the couch, and she has to bite back a growl coming from her throat.

Caitlin can see the look on her friend's face and has to hide a knowing smirk. Steph was pretty good with you, but possessive was a trait she picked up quickly, especially with you.

You were kind of oblivious to it, though, making the hilarity of the situation that much better.

Steph can see you laughing with the blonde, and she spots you leaning on the taller girl's shoulder.

It's about five minutes of that before she snaps.

She watches you kiss Leah on the cheek and give her a wink.

That's the last straw for Steph in the other room. She couldn't watch handsy mccaptain continue, and you clearly weren't even fighting it. The fact that you were participating was worse. What is going on with you?

She grabs you by the hand to drag you outside. Leaving behind a bewildered Leah, a hysterically laughing Katie and a knowingly smirking Beth and Caitlin.

Leah just turns to the others.

"I-what? Is it Steph?"

Beth just nods with a small "I probably wouldn't go and ask them now though."

-------

Back in the car, you're completely bewildered by Steph and her actions.

She looks absolutely mad, and she won't look at you. You barely got a "We're heading home early, I need to do something" out of her before you were both in the car headed back to your shared home.

"Seriously babe, what is going on with you?"

The alcohol running through your system is starting to fade off a bit.

"I could ask you the same thing."

Just as you go to reply to that. The car turns into the driveway, and she's out of the car, waiting for you to join her. Her arms over her chest, waiting impatiently.

You're completely and utterly confused by that.

You get out of the car, and you walk up to the door while Steph unlocks it, and the moment it's open, you're dragged inside and pressed harshly into the wood of the inside of it.

It makes you gasp, and Steph is pressed entirely to you, hand grasping your hip and the other in your hair.

Her lips meet yours hard, practically knocking the air from your lungs, and you can taste the strawberry daiquiri she'd been drinking just ten minutes earlier.

The kiss is rough and feverish, and it makes you dizzy and dazes you enough to momentarily forget the whole thing that just happened.

Her teeth tug at your lower lip, and she tugs st the collar of your jacket, pushing you into the wall perpendicular to the door.

Your chest heaves when she pulls away, trying to suck back in air as she kisses and nips her way down your neck, pushing your jacket off your shoulders.

"Baby, I-"

"Shut up."

*It makes you moan softly. You love it when Steph is this demanding and rough with you, and you're practically keening every time she tugs on your hair, holding your head back against the wall.

She pulls away just enough to whisper in your ear.

"Not a word out of you except 'Yes' 'No' 'please" and 'thank you' and anything otherwise I ask. Got it?"

"Yes"

"Yes, what?"

It sends a shiver down your spine, and you have to bite your tongue to not immediately moan at the sentence.

You'd both discussed this one for a while, but it never came into any situations til now.

"Yes, ma'am."

You can see the way her pupils dilate, and her breath catches in her throat.

"Good girl."

You preen under the praise, and your hands are trying to pull her closer to you. She doesn't budge, though, and instead, she lets go of your hair to pin your hands to the wall.

Her lips meet yours again feverantly, and she begins to tug at your crop top before her hand slips under it to grab at your breast and you arch softly under her touch.

You kick your shoes off intermittently, and she does the same.

At that, her leg slips between yours, pressing right into you, and you grind down on her with a whimper.

She whispers against your lips.

"So needy baby girl. Go ahead, try and get off like that."

If it weren't for the fact that your eyes were squeezed shut, they'd probably roll into the back of your head.

You roll your hips against her thigh, moving with a heavy amount of desparation and need. It just isn't enough contact, though, and you quickly find yourself whining in frustration, leaving Steph smirking as she watches you try to cum from grinding on her. Her hands release yours, and she grabs you by the jaw, walking you away from the wall and down the hall to your shared bedroom.

She presses you back into the wall again. Murmuring a "keep going."

Try as you might. You just aren't getting anywhere, and you're just about sobbing in pent-up frustration.

That's when she decides to have a little mercy on you and quickly relieves you of your crop top and flicks at the button on your jeans to open it.

You're pushed back onto the bed with a small thud, and Steph tugs at your pants to pull them off you.

Your breathing is completely ragged now, and the look in your girlfriend's eyes has you whining as she watches you writhe beneath her when she kneels either side of your right leg.

She quickly pins you again, this time she holds for second.

"Keep your hands there sweet girl. You move them and we stop, you hear me?"

"Yes, ma'am. "

You do as you're told and keep your hands latched onto the bedding above your head.

She sucks a few marks into your collar before kissing her way down to your nipple as her hands slip down between the two of you.

She grasps your thighs to spread them a little, where she looks up to watch your face as you clench your jaw.

She moves one of her hands to dip beneath the edge of your underwear, and she pulls back from you to watch as she pulls the dampened fabric from you.

Her eyes darken, and she growls a little, noticing the underwear you're wearing. Red lace.

"Were you expecting this baby girl? So desperate for me to fuck you, so needy huh? So fucking needy for me."

All you can do is whimper below her, squeezing your eyes shut once again. Holding your tongue so as not to beg her to fuck you, which would be out of line.

She can immediately tell, though, and she grins darkly.

"C'mon baby girl, tell me to fuck you, tell me how needy you were for me. How needy were you, tell me how you're such a brat as to test me like that so I could fuck this needy little pussy."

The words barely register in your brain before you're answering.

"So needy, please I need you to fuck me, fuck me til I can't remember my own name, only yours. I was such a brat. Only for you ma'am."

The words are out, and it only spurs the brunette on. She growls and finally pulls your underwear off you, leaving you bare to the cool night. You whimper, lifting your hips to meet her hand as she grazes her finger gently over your slit.

You're completely wet, and it makes her groan seeing you completely at her mercy. Her fingertips dip between your lips finally, stroking your clit and applying just enough pressure to dip inside you and back out again.

"Such a good girl for me now, aren't you?"

You moan out but when you don't say anything, you yelp at the slight spank she leaves on your thigh.

"Answer me."

"Yes."

Another spank makes you jump.

"Yes, ma'am!" It's basically a cry out, and you're thankful your neighbours house is more than two kilometres from your doorstep.

"Good girl."

Steph bends down to kiss down your chest and stomach, one particularly harsh bite has you gasping and you nearly move your hand to grasp her hair but you stop yourself.

Her mouth moves lower to your hip bown, tongue dancing into the groove where your leg meets your body and then across to just above your clit.

You have to clamp your jaw shut to avoid demanding her to move, do anything.

"I want you to scream nothing but my name and please, baby girl. My mouth is gonna be a little occupied so I want you nice and loud for me."

You moan at that.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good."

And with that, she swipes her tongue over your clit and shifts so her hands hold your legs open for her.

"Fuck, Steph!" She smirks against you, her tongue delving right into you, taking you in and sucking up your wetness, your taste exploding on her tongue.

Her lips wrap around your clit sucking it harshly and at the same time, she pushes two fingers into your entrance, setting a harsh pace, pressing right in your g spot with a curl making you see stars.

You cry out as she completely devours you. Her left hand moves to urge your legs up and over shoulders, your right staying put to allow her space to move, but a nudge from her elbow has it following the other leg.

Your thighs clench around her head, and when you start to shake around her, she doubles down. Your orgasm hits you hard and fast, and your moans echo around the room.

Knowing Steph's stamina, this would be a first of many for you. As you come down from that high, she nudges you further back onto the bed.

"So good for me, baby girl." It's said in a breathless whisper, and when she kisses you, you can taste yourself on her tongue.

"You can move your hands, baby."

With that, your hands are instantly on her. Running up under her shirt to feel the skin of her back before moving them to wait at the buttons of it.

She hums in thought for a second before urging you on.

"Go ahead."

She sits back on her haunches as you pull the buttons open one by one, enjoying the feeling of you stripping her.

She shrugs the shirt off, tossing it to only god knows where in the room. From there, you tug open the buttom on her jean shorts and unzip them. She stands off the bed to kick them off.

The dark red lace makes your mouth water a little, and as she crawls back onto the bed, your hands find the front clasp of the bra. You wait for permission, and she raises a brow, looking down at you from her position, kneeling, straddling your thighs.

"What do you say princess?"

"Can I please take these off you?"

She taps her chin for a second.

"Hm, I think you can try better than that baby girl."

"Ma'am, may I please take these off you? I've been such a good girl for you, please can I take them off?"

She leans down to peck your lips.

"Much better princess. Go on then. Take them off."

You don't wait for much else. You unclip the bra, and she slowly lets it fall from her shoulders to her hands before tossing it.

She watches as your pupils darken and you have to resist the urge to grab her straight away. Instead, she goes back to standing, and you follow.

Tugging at the elastic waistband of the panties, you slip them down her legs, and she steps out of them.

A whine gets caught in your throat at the sight, and you look up at Steph with pleading eyes.

She chuckles and runs her fingers through your thoroughly tousled hair. Her other hand cups your cheek, her thumb running over your bottom lip, pulling at it slightly.

She lets it dip between your teeth, and you do as silently instructed and suck it gently, letting it press into your tongue as you hollow your cheeks.

Steph groans and then pushes you back onto the mattress and moves to sit on your stomach. Your hands settle on her hips, and she looks down at you with a dangerous look in her eyes.

"You want to touch me?"

Instantly.

"Yes Ma'am."

"How bad?"

"God so bad, please."

She chuckles darkly and shuffles a little further up your chest.

"How about taste me?"

"Fuck, please, I want to taste you, please let me feel you."

"Good girl." It's a little more breathy, and she moves to hover over your head. You know better than to move without permission, though.

"Well? You want to taste, huh? Taste how wet I am for you. Do it."

That's all the permission you need, and you tug her down to sit on your face. Tongue lapping at her almost immediately, a breathy groan leaves you as you finally get a taste of her sweetness.

Fun fact: Did you know, the more upset a woman is, the sweeter she tastes when she orgasms?

Whatever had her upset earlier has her tasting like sweets to you to when she cums.

And that's exactly what you're gunning for as you fuck her with your tongue.

Her hips rock against you as she moans your name out into the cool air. Her hands are tugging your hair, and praises slip from her lips that only encourage you.

Her movements stutter, and she cries out, one hand steadying her on the bed, the other still clamped tight in your locks while you suck on her clit to bring her down.

Suddenly, it all clicks as her breathing slows to a calmer form. As she slips off your face. The memories of tonight set in over the top of the haziness and a smirk plays at your lips.

Her dragging you out directly after you kissed Leah on the cheek, her words about you intentionally testing her, being a brat, the immediate anger turning to heated passion as you get in the door.

It all makes sense now.

What Steph is not expecting to hear immediately after her orgasm is your soft voice in an almost cheeky tone whispering your safe word.

"Pudding."

Her head whips up at that.

"What's wrong? Shit, was I too rough? Was I-." She catches herself at the look on your face. There's a smirk there and a mischievous look in your eyes.

"Were you jealous?" The undertone of your accent makes her shiver.

"I- no! I was not jealous! You were the one testing boundaries. I mean, I wasn't- she was touchy and-"

You chuckle softly and sit up to grab her face and kiss her. She kisses back but is slightly confused when you pull back. It's a much softer but still mischievous look on your face.

"Baby, it's cute that you were, but you definitely shouldn't be jealous of Leah."

She frowns slightly, a round of protests ready to leave her lips, but you lift a finger to them. You urge her back until she's leaning against the headboard and you're in her lap.

"I'm serious, baby, don't be." And you lean down slowly to whisper in her ear. "Fun fact. Us Williamsons really differ in how we look, so it's kind of hard to tell that we're sisters."

At that, the words process and her eyes close as she lets her head thump against your chest, and you start giggling softly.

She feels the vibrations of you laughing, and she looks up at you again, her cheeks having completely gone just about as red as the uniform her and your sister share.

She whines at you.

"Seriously, baby, that's who your sister is? You couldn't have mentioned that earlier? That your sister is my captain? Oh god, I've completely gone and embarrassed myself in front of her, too."

You can only laugh harder, tears coming to the corner of your eyes as she facepalms.

You slow your laughs enough to run your fingers through her hair and console her, though less meaningful than she likes.

"It's okay baby, you didn’t know, and honestly, I would have told you sooner if it wasn't for the fact that she didn't even know you existed til now. Well, that you existed as my girlfriend."

Her face only heats up more, and she just completely melts against you. To the point where she's just completely non functioning as she processes your words over and over.

"Baby!"

Your laughter slows, and to your credit, you do whisper small apologies against her hair.

"So you're saying she never even knew we were dating before I went and dragged you from that party without a word to the other girls?"

"Welllll..."

"Baby, please, this can't get much worse, can it?"

You can't even keep a straight face at that.

"I'd only told her about me having a girlfriend on the team about five minutes before you grabbed me. I didn't actually tell her who it was."

"Oh my god, Y/n! For fucks sakes! Seriously?!"

"I mean, yeah?"

She huffs and pushes you back onto the bed with a small groan. She rubs at her face.

"Glad you're finding the whole thing funny, I don't think I can ever face her again!"

You give her a few minutes but shes still just sitting there with her head in her hands.

"You okay?" Its said in a half teasing tone and her answer comes back a resounding and muffled.

"No."

She drops her hands and tackles you back onto the mattress, and you squeal as she does so, and her hands pin your shoulders to the bed.

"You're so gonna pay for that."

"Oh yeah?"

"Most-fucken-definitely."

Her lips slam back onto yours, and your hands almost slip up to grab her hips, but her hands grab them, slamming them back onto the mattress again.

"Oh, you don't get to touch for the rest of the night, little brat. That privilege is gone now."

You whimper under her hard gaze. And as she sits up a little, she whispers a soft "Stay."

You nod, and she gets up to reach into the closet, pulling out one of your ties.

You gulp as she walks back towards you, swiftly climbing back onto the bed and telling you to go back up by the headboards. Her hands manoeuvre the tie around both of your wrists and tighten them, locking them in place against the headboard.

She then gets up to go digging through the closet again, pulling out a box you know thoroughly by now.

She pulls out another tie when you go to plead with her, telling her you'll be good, and she ties it around your head.

"Not another fucking word, brat."

It makes your head fuzzy, and everything goes back to being hazy again.

She pulls out a small bullet shaped object that you know well what she's going to do with. And then she pulls out the strap and a dildo you hadn't seen yet. It's red and sparkly and makes you shake a little.

"If you cum before I say you can, you won't cum for two months. Hear me?"

You nod slowly.

"Good."

The last time you'd disobeyed that, you were surpisingly proven wrong in thinking she would cave, but no, she edged you for a whole month.

You knew better than to try and finish yourself and risk getting caught because she would only add weeks on to the punishment. Touch starvation can be a cruel but effective persuasion.

Hell, Steph wouldn't kiss you during that first time you were punished unless you got on your knees and begged for it.

That was established on the first day the two of you had started experimenting with this.

The thought of having to do that again makes several shivers run through you.

"I say, we go for ten minutes, no cumming. If you can make it until then, I'll let you finish yourself off."

--------------

It's about four in the morning by the time your exhausted body is let down gently onto the mattress again. Steph is covered in a thin layer of sweat, and her hair is up but sticking to her forehead.

Her chest is heaving beside you. She'd taken the tie off you earlier to "Let you feel me fucking you. Mark me all you like baby girl, those hands dont leave me while I'm fucking that sweet little pussy."

The gag had come out much before then. For much more... visual purposes.

Your throat was sore and ran dry about thirty minutes ago. Your lips are swollen, and you're covered neck to knee in hickies.

Your ass cheeks were red raw and sore and your centre certainly felt thoroughly fucked through.

Steph's stamina never ceased to amaze you sometimes.

She tosses the strap into a corner off the room and takes very careful steps off the bed to go get water and a cloth, thoroughly pleased with herself at that.

She takes a drink and offers the bottle to you while she wipes you down.

You drink the remaining water in slow sips, watching through hooded but loving eyes as your girlfriend carefully cleans you up.

She walks to the laundry to dump the cloth and throws the bottle into the trashcan beside the bed. She goes to the bathroom to wipe herself down too and then staggers back to the bed and under the sheets, in beside you, thoroughly spent for the night.

You curl into her, letting her arm fall onto your waist, pulling you closer to her.

She kisses you softly. Gentler than she had been all night. Soft praises are muttered into the kiss. Followed by sweet nothings in your ear as you fall asleep on her chest.

Her lips press one final "I love you so fucking much, Baby girl." Into your skin as you drift off completely, letting the early morning hours take you into unconsciousness.

---------------

The next day at training is almost unbearable.

At least for Steph. You're back at home still under the covers, though now showered and in pyjamas while she's at the field, getting absolutely shredded by her teammates.

Leah isn't even doing anything. It's all Caitlin, Katie, Beth, and Lia ripping into her about the various marks on her neck and thighs and the slight limp in her run as she completes the various drills with them.

All the blonde captain does is watch on with an amused look on her face, even though Steph can't quite meet her eye the whole time.

Eventually, she does corner the brunette after training alone.

"Look, I'd give you the whole, 'hurt my sister, and I'll bury your corpse speech', but judging by the look on your face, you'd probably do that for me. I am just gonna say this, though. Might wanna consider using a better quality concealer than doesn't melt with sweat."

With that, the English captain gives the poor girl a cheeky wink and lets her go.

At least the captain knows her sister's taken now, though... right?

[its-time-to-write]

mine of you with me

Been busy this week bc my ex is getting married and I have to go to the wedding. His fiancée (wife?) asked me to be there and I love her, so I said yes, but I regret it big time. Requests are still open! I’m working on the requests in my inbox, but wrote this to get it out of my system. It goes with/happens before “three times ‘cause I’ve waited my whole life.” Anyway. Here ya go. mine of you with me

You love going to Jamie’s games. You love watching him play his heart out on the pitch. It’s fun, being in the stands and screaming for Richmond. You wear his jersey (his actual jersey, one that he owns) and deck yourself out in Richmond gear. You think your favorite part, however, is sneaking around.

You’re dating Jamie Tartt, star footballer, and no one knows.  

Today is a game against Crystal Palace. Jamie had left before you with a single “Bye babe,” and a kiss. 

After he leaves, you debate stealing one of his orange kits (they’re the most comfortable) but decide against it. Too obvious to be in a sea of red and blue. You settle for a regular “Bantr” shirt and head out the door to meet Keeley. 

Keeley and Rebecca were aware that you were with Jamie. Keeley, because Jamie swore you’d be best friends. Rebecca, because there was a ticket mixup and Keeley was busy so she sent Rebecca to the ticket booth to sort things out with “Jamie’s special guest,” which led Rebecca to be very surprised when she saw you instead of one of his family members. 

It made things easier, really, to show up on Nelson Road under the guise of seeing Rebecca and/or Keeley. Time passed and it became less of a guise. You really enjoyed their company, and having someone to talk to about Jamie. 

But here you are, back in the present, with Rebecca trying to convince you to sit in the box while Keeley threads blue, red, and gold through your hair. 

You just laugh and hug them goodbye, heading your separate ways. Them, up; you, down. 

You settle into your seat right up to the pitch, and wait for the game to begin. Jamie’s picked a seat that’s right where the teams line up, so you’ll get a good view of him before it starts. 

Shortly after, the teams begin to walk out onto the pitch. You look for Jamie and catch his eye. 

I like your hair, he mouths, pointing slightly to his own. 

Thanks, you reply with a small grin. 

Jamie gives you a look that says I’m going to be pulling it later so you return with one that means I was counting on it.

Is it bad that you two understand each others expressions that well?

No time to dwell on that, because the game’s beginning. 

—

Richmond’s done alright, they haven’t lost necessarily, but they did tie. You can feel the tension through the building as you weave your way through players and staff, carrying a stack of papers from Higgins to Rebecca. You’re almost to the stairs leading up to her office when someone crashes into you, sending papers flying. 

“I’m so sorry!” you say, “that is totally my fault, I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

“No it isn’t,” a voice replies indignantly. “He was walking backwards!”

Jamie mumbles, “Shut up, Isaac,” while bending down to help you shuffle your papers together. 

“Sorry about that,” he says softly. “Weren’t looking where I was goin’. I’m Jamie, by the way.”

He holds out his hand and you shake it, mentally commending his presence-of-mind to act like a stranger. “Nice to meet you, Jamie,” you reply. “I’m a friend of Rebecca’s.”

“He knows,” Colin pipes up, followed by an “Oi,” because Isaac smacked him. 

“I’ve uh, got to go,” you say. “See you around.”

“See ya,” the lads chorus, Jamie watching you and Colin and Isaac watching Jamie. 

Jamie turns around to see them grinning at him. 

“Oi, what,” he says, hands in the air. 

Isaac states, “You like her.”

Colin interjects, “Don’t even try to deny it, boyo, we saw how you looked at her. You think she’s fit.”

Jamie is sure he played it cooler than that. Maybe they just know him too well. 

He laughs it off all the way to the locker room, changes, showers, and waits for Dani to walk out the door. They leave in a group, him, Isaac, Dani, and Colin, and as they turn the corner past the boot room you appear with Rebecca.

“Ladies,” Dani grins. Dani has a bit of a crush on you. 

You and Rebecca smile back. 

“Oi,” says Isaac, “do you want to join us tonight at the club? Trying to forget our tie streak.”

You open your mouth to decline when Rebecca replies, “We’d love to. I’m assuming Keeley will be there as well?”

“Becca,” you hiss, “I can’t go the club tonight.”

“Whyever not?”

You blush slightly. “I was planning on spending the evening with my boyfriend.”

The boys share furtive looks amongst themselves and not-so-subtly poke Jamie.

Rebecca says, “I’m sure he’d be more than happy to join you at the club. It’s settled, we’ll be there,” with a smile to the lads. 

It takes every ounce of your willpower not to look at Jamie and to walk away with dignity. 

“Did you hear that, Jamie?” Isaac asks, “She’s got a boyfriend. Sorry, mate.”

Jamie shrugs and does his best to look disappointed. “Must be a lucky man,” he says. “Now can we please go? My hair’s a fuckin wreck.”

“Mine too,” Dani says with a sorrowful shake of his head. They boys laugh and head out the door. 

—

You’re at the club, standing at the bar with Rebecca. Jamie is there too, with the Richmond boys. Trent and Beard are there too, but Ted has opted to stay home. He’s not big into the club scene. Jamie’s sitting and laughing with the boys, but his eyes keep flicking over to you. Isaac notices and thumps him on the chest. 

“Oi. She’s got a boyfriend, remember?”

Jamie nods and tears his eyes away from you. 

“Dani, mate, you need a drink?” Jamie doesn’t even wait for a response before he’s out of his seat and headed over to the bar. Headed over to you. 

Colin rolls his eyes, Isaac shakes his head, and Dani shrugs. “I cannot say no to a free drink,” he says. 

Meanwhile, Jamie leans against the bar, holds up two fingers, then turns to you while waiting for his drinks. “Boyfriend didn’t show up?”

You grin and look around the room. “He’s here somewhere. We came separately. Not really sure where he’s gone off to.”

Jamie smiles back. “Not much of a boyfriend if he leaves someone as fuckin’ pretty as you at the bar all by herself.”

You shrug. “I’m with Rebecca. And he’s ok, I guess. When I find him, I’m going to tell him I’m leaving in fifteen minutes, and ask if he wants to meet at his place or mine.”

Jamie’s eyes become hungry. “His place. Definitely his. In fact, I think I just saw him slip out the door. D’you mind taking Dani his drink? You can have mine.”

You nod, unable to speak. Just a glint in his eye, and he’s become almost feral. You swear his teeth are pointier and your mouth goes dry.

Nice hair. I’m going to be pulling it later.

He’s gone before you can say anything else, and you have to press your hands to your face to cool down your cheeks.

Rebecca has been graciously pretending as though she can’t hear while scrolling on her phone. She looks up only when you grab Jamie’s drink, down it in a single gulp, and then pick up Dani’s.

She raises an eyebrow. “I take it I’m on my own for the rest of the night?”

You shake your head. “Isn’t Keeley here?”

There’s a ghost of a smile on Rebecca’s face. “Pretty sure she’s trying to take Roy home, so she is here in body but not so much in mind.”

You make what you hope is a neutral face. “Bec, you could get a man.”

She laughs. “Let’s get Dani his drink, shall we? I believe you’re leaving in twelve minutes.”

You set Dani’s drink down in front of him as Isaac asks, “Where’s your boyfriend? I thought he was supposed to be here.” 

You shrug for the second time that night. “He had to go. I think I’ll be leaving soon too.”

There’s a chorus of wolf-whistles and you blush, again.

“Where did Jamie go?” Sam asks. “Did you break his heart that badly when he was flirting with you?”

You shake your head. You can feel Rebecca, poised as ever, next to you. It’s taking all your composure to maintain a straight face. 

“I don’t- I’m not sure. He said something about training and sleep and I think he had to go? And I didn’t break his heart. He’s not into me.”

“Oh please,” Jan Maas speaks up, “His eyes follow you whenever you come to see Ms. Welton.”

You’re positive your face has caught on fire. “He just- he must- I don’t know. I have a boyfriend… He’s really great, and- I mean- I’ll talk to Jamie.”

“I did not mean to make you uncomfortable,” Jan Maas shrugs. “It is just the facts.”

Sam puts his hand on your shoulder. “It is alright. We will take care of it. Jamie is the type of person who falls hard and fast, and sometimes he does not care if the other person is unavailable. He sees what he wants and just goes for it. It’s why he is such a good footballer.”

You smile. “Thanks, Sam. I should probably go.” You turn to Isaac and Colin. “Thanks for inviting me. I really did have a great time. And maybe next time you can actually meet my boyfriend.”

They wave, you poke Rebecca and glance at Sam, then head out, pretending you don’t see her panicked absolutely not face.

—

You text Jamie, I’m on my way, and he taps back with a heart.

Door’s unlocked he replies, and then you’re off.

He doesn’t live very far, so you’re at his house in no time at all. You can see a few dim lights on inside, so you walk up the steps and push the door open.

“Jamie?” you call, “I’m here!”

You hear his footsteps clamoring down the stairs and in a moment he’s on you, fingers threaded through your hair as you kiss. He’s pulling you close, impossibly close, then without warning he picks you up, bridal style. He’s still in his clothes from the club.

He kisses you all the way up the stairs, then places you on the edge of the bed.

“I meant what I said earlier,” he says, voice pitched low. “I fucking loved your hair.”

You shiver as he lifts your dress over your head and runs his knuckles along your sides. You note that the room is bathed in dim light, from candles Jamie has lit and placed around. There’s soft music playing somewhere and you’re honestly surprised he pulled this together in fifteen minutes. You look at him on his knees in front of you, one hand on your waist and the other on your thigh. You fumble with the buttons on his shirt then settle for lifting it over his head. 

“God,” you say, “you’re beautiful.”

He smiles, eyes hungry again. He gently pushes you back down on the bed and climbs on top of you. “Pretty sure that’s my line, babe.”

—

You don’t really talk until you’re both laying under the sheets, hours later, arms wrapped around waists and shoulders and legs intertwined.

Jamie’s kissing a trail from your shoulder to your inner elbow when you whisper, “Babe.”

He hums softly. “Yeah?”

“Do you think- do you think you should tell the team about us?”

Jamie pulls back slightly so he can look into your eyes. “Where’s this coming from?”

You shrug as best you can between his arms. “I just think it would make things easier, you know? I mean, I still think sneaking around is sexy and all, but like- it’s just getting harder and harder around Nelson Road.”

Jamie kisses the tip of your nose. “Whatever you fucking want babe. I’d give you the keys to me house if you asked.”

You smile, then let yourself drift to sleep.

—

The next morning, Jamie makes his way to his locker and tapes up a new photo. He’s holding a girl in front of Big Ben, and they’re both laughing. It’s his favorite photo. Sam sneaks a look and then does a double take.

“Jamie,” he says, disbelief written on his face, “Is that Rebecca’s friend? When did you take that?”

There’s a clamor while the team crowds around Jamie’s locker, Jamie grinning smugly.

“She’s me girlfriend. Been dating for months now. Didn’t want her to be harassed by press and you lot, so we kept it a secret.”

“I fucking knew you liked her!” Isaac says. “Body language doesn’t fucking lie.”

Jamie shrugs. “Never said I didn’t.”

“What about her boyfriend?” Dani interjects. “Does he know?”

Jamie turns to look at him, trying to gauge if he’s serious or not. “Muchacho, I’m the boyfriend.”

“Ohhh,” Dani replies, “that makes much more sense!”

“Oi, you lot!” Roy shouts. “You can discuss Tartt’s love life after fucking training. Get on the fucking pitch!”

There’s a chorus of “Yes coach, sorry coach!”

Jamie takes one last look at your picture, grins, then follows the rest of the team out the door.

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

This idea popped into my head as part of a reblog yesterday and I actually really like it, so I think I’m gonna make it a part of my official Rohan head canon:

There’s one canon Rohirrim in the books (appendices) named Haleth—a son of Helm Hammerhand—and there’s another Rohirrim Haleth in the movies—a son of Háma, the captain of Théoden’s guards.

I’ve always found it interesting that the name Haleth was a man’s name in Third Age Rohan given that the most famous person to hold the name was a woman—Haleth of the Haladin who led one of the three original houses of men back in the First Age and was a stone cold badass (First Age Haleth was a man in early drafts, so good change, Professor!). In all likelihood, Tolkien would say there’s no connection between the Haleths. It just so happens that Haleth means “warrior” in Old English/Rohirric and “chief” in the language of the Haladin, so it was a feasible name in both communities coming from totally separate influences and etymologies. But that’s no fun.

I much prefer to think that the Rohirrim have somehow heard the stories of First Age Haleth and they revere her. She’s a beloved part of the stories and songs that they use to document and teach the history of the world. And they revere her memory so much that they want to name their kids after her, even if that kid is a boy. Her badass-ness is SO undeniable that the name Haleth crosses gender lines in a way that’s (I think??) unique in Middle Earth and extremely rare even here in the modern U.S., where boys names often morph into girls names over time but the reverse almost never happens. So in my headcanon, Helm named his son after our girl Haleth, and so did Háma in his day. It’s a fairly common name in Rohan and goes to kids of all kinds in explicit tribute to one of the most fearless, uncompromising and proud humans of any gender to ever walk Middle Earth. And anyone from Gondor or Dunland or anywhere else that would pick on a male Haleth for having a “girl’s name” would find themselves at the wrong end of a spear right quick, not because they’re wrong—every Haleth in Rohan is named after a girl—but for the implication that being named after a girl is bad.

[kittykatthatbitesback]

Hey! I love your beach head canons, and I would love to see your take on the Hazbin Hotel characters on a road trip/maybe a trip to a theme park? I feel like that would be cute lol.

Yes of course! This sounds so fun but I decided to make it a road trip to wherever the reader decides (Theme park, wherever)! This actually works perfectly as a prequel/sequel to my Beach Trip! Headcanons I've posted. Hope you enjoy!

Hazbin Hotel Road Trip! Headcanons

Characters: Charlie, Vaggie, Alastor, Angeldust, Husk, Sir Pentious, Vox, Lucifer, Adam, and Cherri Bomb

Charlie 🐐🫶

Originally wanted to be the one to drive, but Vaggie figured her inclination to be distracted by anything on the side of the road would cause everyone to crash, so Vaggie refused to let her drive at any point

Doesn’t even have her license so she wouldn’t be able to drive anyways so

“Ugh fine! Well, then, I call shotgun!!”

Went from Princess of Hell to passenger princess hehe

Was upset at not driving but got over it quickly as realizing she enjoys the view more than driving

“Oh my gosh look at those deer! Wait there’s more over there! Wait. Did we just drive past the rest area, I need to pee again!!”

Constantly nags the driver by chitchatting to them, regardless if they’re listening

A bad habit of hers is playfully hitting others when Charlie talks, but she forgets to not do this when driving

A couple of minor accidents nearly occur but she is unfazed

Is so pumped and asks to stop and look at any roadside attraction

It begins to become a bit annoying after a while

Vaggie ❌🥀

Is the one who drives for the most part on this road trip

Is a bit grumbly because she was woken up so early by an eager Charlie to go on this trip and needs her beauty sleep

Is the only one who can handle Charlie’s constant nagging and pushing, and is also the only one with a license out of the whole group, so logically the ex-Angel is the one who drives

Only pays attention to the road and not Charlie unfortunately for maximum safety

Is sipping on a large Circle K cup that she filled with Monster Energy prior to the trip

This just barely wakes her enough to watch the road

Has a bit of road rage but these guys are from Hell, what can you expect

Refuses to waste gas so only stops for gas when the car is literally empty

Empty like everyone else had to get out of the car and push it to the nearest gas station that was three miles away, empty

“Come on guys, we’re almost there.” She’ll say smugly sipping her Monster from within the car in the AC

Alastor 🦌📻

Was invited on this road trip, but ended up driving on his own to their destination

Yes, he doesn’t have a license, but he’s the Radio Demon he does what he pleases

Mainly decided to drive separately so that he could listen to his radio in peace without complaints or extra unnecessary noise

Is listening to jazz, and keeps on repeating the songs: “Fly Me to the Moon” and “Sing, Sing, Sing”

Also prefers to be alone, he vibes better that way and is more in his element

Drives the coolest, red, vintage pick up truck ever

All the girls and guys at the stop lights are just fawning over him but the Radio Demon can’t see anything past the road in his shades

Drives super fast and only stops for gas, which considering the age of his truck, ends up happening often

Angeldust 🕷️❤️‍🔥

Wanted to get one of those party buses with the strip poles inside but now has to make do with the crew’s giant van

Enough space to do lines of coke so it’s okay

Obviously snuck in drugs and alcohol, this is a given, it’s Angeldust come on

“I call aux!!” and plays his playlist titled Cunty B*tch

It’s a bunch of Ayesha Erotica, Kesha, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, etc.

Screams all of the songs at the top of his lungs while hanging out of the window

“HE MIGHT NOT LOOK LIKE HE GETS BITCHES, BUT HONEY THAT DICK WAS ELEVEN INCHES!”

Husk has to pull him inside but he’s just having the time of his life

Loud as Hell but provides the entertainment, and Vaggie appreciates his music taste

Has to get Vaggie to pull over and proceeds to violently throw up all the alcohol he chugged earlier on the side of the highway as Cherri films laughing from inside the van

Immediately falls asleep after this embarrassing moment as the aftermath of his “fun” takes a toll on him

Husk 🐈‍⬛🥃

Was planning to catch up on missed hours of sleep by dozing through this entire trip, but Angeldust made this quite hard

Is wrapped up in a blanket, eye mask on, earplugs in, headphones on, neck pillow propped, and stuffed toy snuggled (HE SLEEPS WITH A STUFFED TOY OMG)

It’s a miniature Pegasus he named after his favorite drink: Whiskey

Angeldust, Cherri, and Adam won’t stop making fun of him the entire trip

This, plus Angeldust’s music, Charlie’s nonstop talking causes Husk to EXPLODE

“IF YOU ALL DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A SECOND!”

But his geared-up sleep ware makes him look a bit goofy as he shouts this, so everyone instead bursts out laughing

The feline just grumbles to himself as he decides to just stare out the window depressingly for the rest of the ride

Gets bored and ends up practicing Poker and Solitaire with the cards he brought

Is also keeping an eye on Angeldust who at first was off the wall

Once Angeldust passes out, Husk covers him with his blanket so he’s not cold (aww)

Sir Pentious 🐍🥚

Actually was the one who designed and crafted the van

The original van wasn’t big enough for the whole crew after Cherri decided to join in last minute, so of course the snake is going to build an ENTIRE new vehicle for his Cherri Bomb <3

Engineered the van for maximum comfort and refused Angeldust’s pleads for strip poles inside; “Thossse would be ssso uneccesssary!”

Instead, he included luxurious feet space, and AC and heater system throughout the whole van, seats with massaging for backs and feet, mini TVs on the back of each seat, and a fancy mini fridge for food

Also built miniature seats for his Egg Bois with built-in heating pads in case they get too cold in the AC

These Egg Bois have a really specific temperature range they can survive in, so those same heating pads were engineered by Sir Pentious to also work as cooling pads

“Anything for my babiesss”

Came extra prepared and was the only one to bring snacks and drinks to put in the cooler

Is constantly offering Cherri a water or coke whenever she is “looking a bit dehydrated”

Which happens to be every 2 minutes according to him

Is trying so hard to flex on her the fact that he built the van

“Ssssoo Cherri, how are you enjoying the back masssssage? I programmed it to perfectly meet the needsss of a beautiful lady like you”

Bro with 0 rizz somehow ends up charming her

Vox 🖥️⚡️

This TV ignores the mini TVs Sir Pentious built arguing they’re “not of top Vox quality”

Tries to hijack them to prove his point, but Sir Pentious is smarter than that and even his mini TVs are Vox-resistant

Ego bruised, now tries to hijack the radio to turn off Angeldust’s loud ass music, but Sir Pentious ALSO came prepared for that

Sir Pentious even shaped his seat and headrest to fit Vox’s big ass TV head perfectly, so Vox isn’t able to complain about anything

Now an upset Vox is left to sit in silence for most of the trip

Will chime in occasionally to the conversations but you can tell his pride was hurt

Spends his hours of silence to brainstorm ways to defeat Alastor

Lucifer 🪽🐤

Brought his rubber duckies to play house with them on the ride

To everyone’s surprise, knows all the lyrics to all of Angeldust’s songs

“What! I enjoy these too!” Proceeds to lip sync them in the most fruity way

Is Lucifer straight or gay? Bi? No one knows.

Is definitely that one person in a car ride to try to start a game of “100 bottles of beer on a wall” or the game of concentration

LIVES for these games

“20 questions” is his favorite

Tries to get everyone involved and yells at Husk once he sees he’s playing his own game of Poker

Husk suggests that Lucifer should play the silent game

Will try to convince the others to play by reciting them old dad jokes

This does not work

Adam 🎸🤘

Will definitely pig out on all of those snack Sir Pentious brought

“YO WHERE THE FUCK IS THE BEER”

Forces Vaggie to stop at a gas station 5 minutes into the trip to buy 3 twelve packs of beer

Is absolutely in his happy place with the massage chair, vast feet space, TV playing “Too Hot to Handle”, chips, and beer

Is the only one who manages to trash his space with wrappers, spills, and crumbs

Does not give a fuck

Has his window down, sunglasses on, and wind blowing in his face while he just yells

Shouts and catcalls to every hot chick they pass by

Brought an air horn to do that more efficiently while on the highway

Is seated next to Vox so is taunting and teasing him about the whole incident earlier

“Hmm not so tough anymore huh? Even these mini TVs are doing a better job than you!”

Is a bit of a menace

Cherri Bomb 🍒💣

Only joined last minute for the trip because she thought it would be lame at first

But Angeldust promised to bring along drugs and alcohol so she agreed

Made a certain snake sooo happy that she decided to come

Is constantly nagged by him throughout this whole trip but she has grown used to it

She even starts to think it’s cute how much he cares

Has to stop to go pee so often because of all the beverages Sir Pentious keeps offering her

Doesn’t wait for a rest area, will pop a squat on the side of the road

Sings along with Angeldust (and Lucifer??) to all the songs

Actually she’s the one who made the playlist and shared it with Angeldust ;)

“Ooh ooh skip this one, the next one’s even better!”

Brought an Erotica novel to read (she usually just skips to the good parts)

Is glad to be sitting next to Angeldust but still films him as he throws up so that they can joke about it later

Passes time with him playing, Fuck, Marry, Kill

She ends up answering Fuck to all the options

[futbol16]

Make The First Move  • Fridolina Rolfö

Requests: the things i would do for a part 2 (or more:)) for princess charming/rölfö 

pls pls plscan we get a part 2 to princess charming?

Please let there be a part two. 

Word count: 3k

The long awaited part 2 to Princess Charming. I hope it was worth the wait :)

It’s not often that Fridolina stays up late. She almost never does. She valued her sleep too much to be awake for longer than necessary and everyone knew this. Which is why it surprises not only Mapi but also Magda, who’s three countries away from her, when they both get separate texts at 1am. 

Truthfully neither of her teammates should’ve been awake at this hour of the night either, but as the blondes’ eyes scan over the text, they think this is more important than getting their full eight hours of sleep. 

‘When did you know you were gay?’

Mapi’s first reaction is to grin, she grins so hard her lips almost split. She knows exactly why the Swede was asking such questions, or more so, who made her question it all.

Magda eyes the text with curiosity though, her brows furrowed together and her mouth hanging slightly agape. Was this real?

Meanwhile, Frido stares at her contacts list in nervousness as she bites at her nails, anxiously waiting for an answer from one of the two. She almost drops her phone on her face when it buzzes with notifications but she’s quick to reach for the device again. 

She gets two very different answers and she resists from rolling her eyes at one of them, only for the purpose of this actually being a serious topic for her.

‘I wasn’t completely sure until I met Pernille, but I knew the moment I looked into her eyes. Why, has anything happened?’ read the first from her captain and then her eyes moved lower to Mapi’s text.

‘Always. Girls are hot as fuck, respectfully. You fancy the German?’ her phone buzzes again.

‘Y/N Y/L/N is who I was referring to’ this time she doesn’t hold back the eye roll, though just a moment later she inhales sharply as she pictures your cocky smile in front of her. The blush that rises to her cheeks is inevitable and Fridolina pulls a face at her reaction, unsure how to digest her feelings. 

With a frustrated sigh the blonde drops her phone onto her nightstand face down and with another sigh she pulls the covers higher up her body. Frido allows herself to relax, ready to finally succumb to sleep. That doesn’t happen though, because she can’t let her mind rest. Or rather, her mind doesn’t allow her to rest. Her thoughts force her to stay awake for the next hour until exhaustion takes over her and her eyelids finally stay shut. 

The following days pass by in a similar manner; the blonde’s head in the clouds and her nails ruined from her constantly biting them. After Mapi’s initial text message, Frido assumed she would receive nothing but teasing remarks from the defender. And she did, Mapi León never one to disappoint in that area. However, she was pleasantly surprised when her friend decided to help her out, to help her figure out her feelings and her sexuality.

It was a big thing. The whole sexuality question. She had never questioned that part of herself before, always assuming that just like it was pictured in the films she grew up watching, she would have her blonde prince charming walk into her life one day and eventually there would be a ‘happily ever after’. 

It was crazy to think that all it took was one person for Fridolina to change her mind. Truthfully, it took one smile, one flash of your dazzling smile for her to pause for a moment and think about why there were butterflies in her stomach. Then it took her five days to come to terms with the possibility that you might’ve been her gay awakening. And on that same day, she realized that on top of all of that, she definitely had a thing for you. 

Some kind of thing. That’s all she could call it for now because it was so new to her, feeling like this towards a girl when she had never for a second questioned her sexuality in any way before.

Slowly though, Mapi helped her to understand these foreign feelings. Fridolina, in a weird way, was incredibly thankful for having so many gay teammates because they were all there for her, ready to answer any questions she had, ready to tell her about their own stories of ‘gay awakenings’. 

By the end of the month, she was comfortable enough with the knowledge that she wasn’t heterosexual and she allowed her friends’ teasing to resume. 

“So? Are you finally going to tell me who caused you to have your first ever gay panic?” Magda raised an eyebrow at her national teammate who couldn’t help but smile back at the screen of her phone.

“I don’t know” 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” the captain’s voice cracked through the phone’s speakers. Fridolina bit back a smile, her mind already elsewhere as she thinks back to the night of that match against Bayern. The way you smirked at her after your goal, how your eyes sparkled in a playful way as she fell on you, hips flush together. 

‘Easy there, pretty girl’ your words echo in her head, your voice makes her go crazy in ways she didn’t think possible but she secretly likes the feeling.

“You’re thinking about her, aren’t you?” Magda’s voice snaps her out of her daydreaming and her head snaps back towards the screen to find her captain smirking at her. Clearly, the deep blush coating her cheeks and the prolonged silence from her end of the call didn’t go unnoticed by the Chelsea captain. 

A sheepish look spreads across Frido’s face and she shrugs lightly, her smile confirming Magda’s question. 

“Come on tell me about herrr!” the excited whine makes both of them snicker before the taller of the two lets out a sigh, thoughts again occupied by you.

“She plays for Bayern Munich. And she’s strong, very strong - but all of them are, it’s like a Bayern thing - anyway. She looks so good in red. She’s like the next Alex Popp-” she’s cut off by a gasp, followed with a smack.

“Y/N Y/L/N?! SHE’S THE ONE?!” Magda exclaims loudly, gaining Pernille’s attention who’s sat a few feet away from her in the living room. Fridolina’s eyes widen, her brows furrowing in confusion.

“How did you-”

“Oh come on Frido, she's the top scorer in the Bundesliga and all of the German news is about her. ‘Y/N Y/L/N is the successor of German legend Alex Popp’. How do you not know?” the Swede recites the latest news article she’s seen and Pernille chuckles behind her girlfriend. 

“That just makes it sound like she’s Popp’s daughter” Frido pulls a face, once again. Magda now looks at her girlfriend and the two share a knowing look as she attempts to divert the topic of the conversation.

“Good choice though, very good taste” Pernille comments, now standing beside Magda as she rests an arm around her shoulders. Magda’s mouth falls open in mock hurt but the Dane is quick to ease her outburst. “What? I’m just saying she could have liked some weird hippie or something - I don’t know - as her first girl crush. Y/N’s a great choice.” 

“Yeah, I gotta give that to you” 

“Guys? I’m still here” Fridolina jokes but the two instead chuckle at her pink cheeks.

“We know, we’re talking about you in your presence.”  Magda shrugs cheekily before realization dawns on her and she grins at her Swedish teammate. “But this is perfect actually, you’ll get to see her soon!” 

“What are you talking about?” Fridolina almost drops the device in her hands, a sudden nervousness overcoming her senses.

“You guys have a friendly against the Germans this international break” Pernille informs her, seemingly knowing her schedule better than the Swede does. The couple eye their friend with slight concern as her face pales and brightens a shade of red at the same time. 

“Oh shit” 

Sure enough, just a week later Frido finds herself walking out behind her national teammates, clad in her yellow kit. She’s anxious as she subtly fidgets with the end of her shirt, yet as she turns her head to glance at your face, she knows it isn’t the game she’s nervous about. 

The match is pretty intense with both teams in their best forms but Germany manage to have more shots on goal than the Scandinavians. Unsurprisingly, it is you who scores the first goal of the game and when you celebrate you make sure to run past Fridolina, a smirk resting on your face as you raise an eyebrow in her direction. Frido can’t find it in herself to get upset at your antics, instead the tips of her ears redden and she tries to conceal the small smile on her face. 

It’s only when her eyes connect with her captain’s does she put on her game face again. She’d have time to admire you after the match. 

As much as the tall blonde tries to focus on the task at hand, it becomes apparent very quickly that she’s struggling. Just like last time, her gaze never wanders from you. It’s like you have some pull on her and more often than not the blonde has to snap back to reality after staring at you for just a bit too long. Her distraction doesn’t show in her play however, which she is incredibly thankful for but it isn’t enough for Sweden to equalize. 

The team clad in yellow does get one last chance to equalize before the final whistle would be blown and it’s in the form of a corner kick. Both teams crowd in the penalty box area and Merle Frohms can just barely see through the mass of footballers. 

The pull you seemed to have on Frido is now working in the opposite direction as you find yourself standing directly behind the blonde. It’s a tight space with both her and your own teammates pushing to get closer to one another and the goal, but amongst the many bodies, your hands find a place on your favorite Swede’s waist. 

Your hold is gentle yet firm - the opposite of your aggressive and intense style of play - and Frido immediately freezes at the touch, her eyes slightly widened and a light blush coating her cheeks. She takes a small step back as Hanna Glas’ ponytail swings in front of her and she finds herself pressed closer to you, your body heat warm against her back. 

Your own breath gets caught in your throat at close proximity and if the girl in your arms were to turn around she’d be met with a blushing mess, a rare sight from you. You swallow hard as your fingers twitch against her curves but you do pay attention to what is happening at the corner flag. 

Frido silently thanks her teammate for misplacing the ball and the referee whistling at her to fix the positioning, because it allows her to feel you close for just that bit longer. 

Her hands slowly come up to her waist and your hold loosens as you think she’s about to push your hands off. Fridolina is quick to grab them before they can leave her body and she holds them for just a second, contemplating what her move was going to be. However, your hands slip out of her fingers as you jump and head out the incoming ball from near your team’s goal.

 The blonde forward has her mouth hung open at the seemingly sudden and unexpected action. She lowers her head in embarrassment of not realizing that the corner had been taken and not doing her job at trying to head it in the goal. 

There’s not much time to dwell about her supposed mistake as just five minutes later the final whistle is blown, signaling the end of the friendly.

“Go to her” a voice rings out next to her while she shakes Lea Schüller’s hand and Fridolina turns to her captain. Magda nods her head towards your direction and her eyes follow. 

She’s met with the sight of your arm around Jule Brand’s shoulders, the young player leaning into your stronger body. The smile on your face is big and warm as you listen to Jule whose eyes shine with wonder as you press a kiss to the crown of her head. 

Fridolina’s insides melt at the protective and loving behavior from you, her heartbeat quickening as a smile washes over her expression.

“Are you sure I should?” 

“Ja, go Frido. This is your chance” Magda pushes at her shoulder gently, an encouraging expression on her face as she offers her friend a comforting smile. 

“Talk to her. She wants you too” the blonde nods in thought, wondering how Magda would know that, and her feet carry her towards you before she can think about quitting and turning around. 

The Wolfsburg player’s voice comes to a sudden halt as she eyes the Swedish woman in front of her, her head still resting comfortably on your shoulder. When Jule lifts her head and turns to you, it only takes her one look at the way you’re gazing at Rolfö and the curve of your smile to decide that she should leave the two of you alone.

“Good game” you break the silence as you stick your hand out. Fridolina’s smile is hard to miss as she takes hold of your hand but it soon turns into a nervous smile as her hand remains in your own. You’re not one to complain however and instead of letting go you gently pull on her hand.

“Come with me” you gesture towards the tunnel, far too aware of the amount of people watching from the stands of the stadium. The blonde gives you a nod and the two of you walk side by side holding hands as you hide in the tunnel. 

Thoughts are running wild as Magda’s words echo in Fridolina’s head. ‘This is your chance’ and with that the taller girl clears her throat as the two of you come to a stop in the tunnel of the stadium. Your eyes snap to her and for a moment the blonde gets lost in the warmth of your gaze. 

“So um… I wanted to tell you..” she exhales lowly, wondering how she was supposed to do this thing. You squeeze her fingers and she nods to herself. 

“I- really, uhm, I just…” Fridolina closes her eyes in frustration, dropping her head before picking it up again. The corners of your lips tick upwards, finding her nervous behavior absolutely adorable. 

When her eyes flutter open she’s met with your shimmering ones, a look of adoration plastered over your face. A hand reaches out to her face but Frido’s gaze doesn’t move from you as you gently push a strand of hair behind her ear, it having fallen out of her ponytail.

“Don’t stress that pretty head of yours.” your voice made her bite her lower lip and you smirked at the sight. 

“Just do it how you would if I were a man.” it seems like you knew exactly what made this so difficult for her. It also seemed that you knew exactly what she was going to say. ‘She wants you too’ and now she believes her captain’s statement, otherwise you wouldn’t be encouraging her to continue. 

“I can’t.” she huffed out and you chuckled quietly. “It’s different.”

“What makes it different? Other than the obvious” you reveled in the small laugh you got out of her, the sound easing the nervous tension radiating off the beautiful girl in front of you.

“I’d let him make the first move” Fridolina admitted and your smile widened as she seemed to have finally found her voice. 

You carefully placed a hand on her waist and you looked up at her in silent question, asking if what you were doing was okay. When all you received was a dazed look and a slow nod, you proceeded. The butterflies in the Swede’s stomach were going insane as you gently pulled her closer to you and her hands landed on your collar bone. 

“You’re so beautiful” you whispered, not wanting to break the bubble the two of you have created. At the same time you were thankful that both of your teams seemed to be taking their time on the pitch. Fridolina’s cheeks burned a deep shade of red at your compliment and she tilted her head to the side a little. 

“I’m sorry. It’s just I’ve never- this is just all so new to me, but I want to…” she trailed off in her confession and you nodded at her, feeling special that she allowed you to see her this vulnerable. You understood that it was difficult for her to voice just what she felt for you.

“It’s okay.” you gave her waist a gentle squeeze and smiled at the girl in front of you, the sparkle in your eyes never faltering. “We can take it as slow as you’d like”

The assurance made Frido’s heart swell yet she wanted nothing more than to allow herself to fall into your embrace. Her eyes lowered to your lips and her own mouth parted slightly. You watched how her eyes darkened and your smile was replaced with desire. 

“Maybe we can go faster” Frido breathed out as she leaned closer, your own gaze tracing the curve of her lips.

“Whatever you want” and with that you closed the last bit of distance and connected your lips. It was tentative at first as you allowed the blonde to test the waters but it seems like she already knows what she wants.

Frido’s brows knit together as pleasure courses through her whole body and her arms made their way around your neck to bring you even closer, effectively deepening the kiss. 

In that moment, with your bodies flushed and your arms around her waist holding her close and her lips attached to yours in desperation, Frido knows she has nothing to question.

You were her princess charming and she liked it that way.

[nikkisheep]

Help Me

Daryl Dixon x female!reader

Warnings: SMUT, reader is of age, soft sex, dirty talk, oral (f), Daryl's accent (lord have mercy), cheating (reader has a shitty bf), mentions of hitting (from reader's bf), Daryl's mouth, flirting, praising (good girl, sweet girl), I think that is all, DON"T READ IF NOT COMFORTABLE

Summary: After your shitty boyfriend stormed off when he hit you, Daryl is there to pick up the pieces. Daryl would do anything for you, so what happens when you give him a very special request? Especially after using those eyes of yours.

Another fight, another argument. Honestly, it was getting old. Your boyfriend had hit you and you screamed at him to get out. To get away from you. It was the first time he did that and you were sure that he would do it again if you said anything else.

Daryl was working on his bike when he saw the two of you arguing. He honestly didn't understand what you saw in the guy. Hell, everyone was confused on that. The guy was sleeping around with anything that moved but you.

----

You were crying when someone knocked on your door. When opening it, you met the one and only Daryl Dixon. Sheepish smile, his hair slightly in his eyes, his body moving side to side as if with nerves. He wore his shirt with three buttons open and he had cut off the sleeves so he could stay cool.

"I uh I heard what that bastard said to ya. I wanted to make sure yer alright," His deep voice drawled.

He noticed the tears and wanted to kill the man responsible.

"Thank you Daryl. I'm okay."

"Yer' sure 'cause I can sit with ya, if you want."

"Daryl, do ya wanna sit with me?" You flirted.

It wasn't uncommon for the two of you to flirt, even though you had a boyfriend. The thing between you and the archer was simple. You would flirt, create sexual tension and then go on your way. Daryl didn't know that if he asked, you would drop on your knees in a heart beat.

"Nah, I gotta get that bike out ther' fixed before the next run." He rubbed the back of his neck.

Daryl left and you were alone. You thought about the way he looked at you. He had glanced down your tank top for a quick second and you smirked at the thought of the archer checking you out. You wanted him to. You wanted him.

----

Fixing Daryl a plate, your boyfriend looked at you. He had a black eye and a busted lip. He said that he got attacked while on a hunt. He glanced at Daryl as you give the man the plate of food. He did not like the archer at all. Daryl had beat the shit out of him when he went outside, Rick had to separate the two of them. Daryl was left untouched. He watched as the two of you laughed at something and he noticed Daryl's smile. He only smiled with you. Only you.

"So Daryl, how was your hunt?" Your boyfriend spoke up, stopping Daryl's smile.

"It was fine. Killed a rabbit."

"That's all?"

"Well, I was almost gonna be walker food if I didn't get out of ther'."

"Back before all of this started, I was shooting deer left and right and all you can get is a small rabbit I-"

"That is enough," You interrupt.

"Don't cut me off, woman." He yelled at you.

"Don't talk to her like that."

You rolled your eyes at the fight and left. You were not going to deal with the shit anymore. You were blushing at Daryl sticking up for you.

"You don't get to tell me how to talk to my girlfriend,'' Your boyfriend said.

"I am not sure if she actually wants to be yer girlfriend anymore."

"You better shut it, Dixon."

"You better watch yerself when it comes to her. I will kill ya if ya even say anything to her that hurts her feelins'," Daryl said.

----

You were setting up a tent a bit from the group. About a hundred yards if anything. You were still close but was by some trees. You told Rick that you wanted some space for a bit. Daryl made himself known when he walked into the shelter of your tent.

"Nice littl' place ya got here," He said, looking at you.

"Daryl, can I ask you something?" You said with doe eyes. The way he was looking at you had your pants warming.

"What is it?"

"Help me," You mutter.

"What?"

"I need your help."

"With what, darlin'?"

You stood up and reached for your shirt. Removing it quickly, you heard Daryl inhale sharply. You looked down at him, his knees spread, allowing you to step in between them.

"Daryl," You sigh.

"Sweethear', I am not sur' what it is you need me to help you with."

You smile before grabbing your pants to shimmy off. He groaned at your panties.

"I need you to give me a massage. Please," You say softly.

"A massage?"

"Yeah, to help loosen me up," You smirk at his flustered face.

"I-I can give ya one."

----

His rough hands traveled the length of your body, massaging every muscle until you were moaning from it. His hair tickled your neck as he placed kisses to it. You didn't know how or when it went from a "simple" massage to this but you weren't complaining.

His hands gripped your hips as he moved you to your back.

"I gotta give ya a frontal massage.'' He said as he moved to between your legs.

By this time, you were completely naked. Daryl had asked if everything was okay with you and all you did was moan a yes. Daryl slides his fingers up your core and you bite back a moan.

It has been so long since your boyfriend had touched you, Daryl's hands was heavenly. You moaned when his tongue licked a bold stripe up your pussy.

"Darlin, yer gonna need to be quiet if ya wan' me to continue."

You nod as he went back to eating you out like a starved man. One of his hands placed with your breasts as the other started to circle your clit. You wanted to scream his name but didn't want anyone knowing what you were doing.

"Who's making ya feel this good, sweet girl?"

"Fuck, you. You are Daryl."

"That''s fucking right. I am. Not that bastard." You moan as he shit talked your boyfriend at the same time as fucking your pussy with his tongue.

"Oh Daryl," You moan before pulling him by his hair, making him come up to your face.

"I want you now," He groans as he quickly pulls his pants down. His shirt was torn off, on the ground with the rest of your clothes.

He moved above you, moving his hips to yours.

"Ya ready?"

"Never been more ready than I am right now," You moan as he pushed inside.

The stretch had you arching, it felt so good. He was so thick and big. Your mouth made an "O'' shape as he started to move. His arms held himself above you and caged you in. You wrapped your arms around his body to rake your nails down his back.

"Daryl," You moan into his open mouth.

"Tell me how good I'm making ya fee'."

"So good, Daryl. Fucking me so good," You threw your head back.

That's my good girl. You're mine. My good girl."

"Yours."

"He never made you feel so good," He groaned, picking up pace.

His thrusts were smooth. He knew what he was doing, his pubic bone brushed against your clit every time he fucked into you. His body moved with your own as his dick stroked against your g-spot. You raked your nails deeper into his shoulders as you neared your end. You could barely breathe as he fucked into you with sharp thrusts. His hips were moving in rhythm with yours and he could tell you were getting closer when he felt your walls grip his so hard. He was having trouble pulling out.

"You are mine, all mine."

"All yours," You moan loudly.

"Cum for me, sweet girl," Daryl ordered softly. Your body listened and you climaxed so hard that you nearly blacked out.

Daryl stilled inside you as he orgasmed inside of your cunt. He moaned your name as he did so. He smiled as he rolled off you.

"That was fun and so damn good," You both laugh.

"I mean it, Daryl. I am yours if you want me to be."

"What about that shit head?"

"He doesn't have to know just yet," You smiled.

"I want him to know," he said as he looked at the marks on your chest.

"I just want to find the time to end things," You said.

"Are ya goin' to end it?"

"Daryl, I will end it right now if you asked."

"Really?"

"Daryl, do you want me to end it with him?" You look at him.

"Even if you don't, you're still my girl."

"Daryl, answer the question."

"I want you to end it 'cause I-I love ya and I wand yer to myself."

He looked away.

"You love me?"

"Yeah, I do. Have for a while."

"I am ending it tonight, Daryl. I love you and I'm going to end it now."

"End it in the morning." He said as he cuddled you closer to his chest and the two of you went to sleep.

"I love ya, darlin'."

"I love you too, Daryl."

[cobaltperun]

Lost (12) - You had me from hello

Tara Carpenter x female Reader

Summary: To anyone on the outside, and to Tara’s friends, you were Tara’s fierce protector, the MMA fighter who’d take anyone on for Tara. The Guard Dog, as Amber called you. You had no idea you’d have to protect her from people who claimed they loved her. It didn’t matter. As long as you and Tara had one another there was nothing you wouldn’t be able to survive.

Story warnings: Scream violence, family issues, trauma, angst, certain sensitive topics

Word count: 3.7k

Story masterlist / First part / Previous part / Next part

-If I never told you I just want you to know you had me from hello-

Proving that yesterday was a fluke, Tara woke up to the sight of you already up and rolling the dough, which, knowing you, probably meant you were making crescent rolls. Tara stretched a bit and just watched you work for a couple of minutes. The years working as a cook really paid off, as you moved in the kitchen with practiced ease and Tara found herself swooning at the thoughts of eating your cooking for the rest of her life. She didn’t even feel like she was rushing with that thought. The two of you went through enough to know for sure that nothing, absolutely nothing, could separate you. And that thought made her smile. She let out a content sigh, humming as she got up and approached you. She hugged you from behind, the same way she did yesterday, only without putting her arms underneath your shirt this time.

"Good morning, Y/N," she said a bit sleepily, she lazily leaned down a bit and kissed you just beneath your shoulder blade, loving the way you went still just for a moment.

"Good morning, birthday girl," she didn't even need to look at you to know there was a grin on your face. She heard you moving a bit, and wiping something before she felt your hands on top of hers. "Great timing actually. What filling would you like?"

Tara hummed at that, it was tempting to go for something sweet, but she'd have her cake later. "How about pizza?" just some tomato sauce, cheese, and ham would be perfect.

You nodded, fake coughing and tapping her hand lightly. Right, she'd need to let you go. "Thank you," you teased, turning around to kiss her cheek before heading to the fridge.

Tara leaned against the counter, careful to avoid dough and flour. "You're making a lot. Are Sam, Chad and Mindy coming?"

"Yeah, apparently we owe them for leaving us alone yesterday. Although, should the three of you be this relaxed about school?" you asked causing Tara to freeze for a moment and look away. You approached, a bowl, ham, cheese and a bottle of tomato sauce in your hands, and you were carefully observing her. When you stood in front of Tara you set aside the bowl and ingredients down, took your apron off, and then tucked a few strands of hair behind Tara's ear. "What's wrong?"

You noticed. Not that she was surprised about that. No one knew her as well as you did. "It's been difficult lately," Tara sighed, if she wanted you to always be open with her, she'd have to be the same way with you.

You frowned and she swore she could see gears turning in your head. "Because of what happened?" you figured it out.

"Yeah," she leaned into you, seeking the comfort of having your arms around her gave her. And you gave her just that, pulling her in. "Promise me you won't go crazy when I tell you," if anyone knew you, she knew you. Even if she failed to recognize you weren't fine for years. She knew how you were when it came to her. She knew you'd get pissed off the moment you heard how things were at school.

Tara heard a reluctant sigh and smiled when she felt you picking her up and taking her to the sofa. You sat down, with her safely sitting on your lap. "I don't like it, but I promise."

"It's either pity or blame. You know, some say they are sorry for me because of what Amber did to me, some say I should have noticed Amber was... the way she was," some went on to say Tara wasn't any different, that she killed Amber, so she was just as dangerous and sick in the head as her now deceased ex. She couldn't tell you that. You'd want the names of those people regardless of what you promised.

She felt you clenching your fists, she felt the tension in your muscles as you held her, she heard the deep breaths you took.

"Y/N," she nuzzled into your neck, hoping she could calm you down with touch, with assurance that she was right there and fine, and that you didn’t need to get into trouble over this.

"I know, I know. I trust you to tell me if you need me to do anything," that was what she wanted to hear as she caressed your cheek, slowly kissing from your neck all the way to your lips. It was a soft, brief kiss, but it was enough to calm your down.

Tara pulled back first, smiling. "I love how protective you are. I love knowing you are always there when I need you. I still need to handle things myself, you know? I need you to get back to the way you were before I was attacked," back then you were protective, but not to the point of handling any problem she had yourself. You didn't get to that point now, either, but Tara worried you might if she didn't point it out to you right away.

Before you left two months ago Tara absolutely needed you. She needed help moving, she couldn't take care of herself properly and at first needed help with even some of the more basic tasks. That was embarrassing, but you were patient and made sure she never felt like she was an inconvenience. She couldn't do anything too difficult and with the damage to her hand, she'd still need help with certain tasks in the future. That was the physical side of things. Carrying her, carrying things she couldn't, all the things like that, all of that was fine. She knew her limits and she was fine with your help with what she couldn't do. That's how things were before she got attacked as well, only back then they were less intimate.

As for handling issues like the one she currently had at school, well, that was where she drew the line. She couldn't have you solving everything, or getting involved with everything. She needed you to go back to the way you were before. Where you'd only get involved if she asked you to and would otherwise just offer her the support.

"I can still get angry, right?" you asked, relaxing a bit at her words.

"There's not much I can do about that," Tara laughed and leaned down once again to kiss your cheek. "I have you," she kissed your cheek again. "And Sam, and Mindy, and Chad," with every name she kissed another part of your face, purposefully avoiding your lips. "I can handle anything this stupid town throws at me."

How she wished she could erase what happened, go to a place where no one knew who she was and what she went through so that she could live a normal life. Hopefully, she could do exactly that once she leaves Woodsboro with you, Chad, and Mindy, and, she hoped, Sam as well.

You got tired of her insistent avoidance of your lips and gently cupped her cheek to properly kiss her. "I know you can. You will. And then we'll leave this damn place and never come back," Tara liked that idea. She liked the slow and gentle way you were kissing even more, the soft caress of your thumb across the side of her face. You separated too quickly for her liking. "Breakfast, Tara" you reminded her.

"Breakfast, Tara" she repeated, dejectedly getting off your lap, and you just laughed. "What?" she asked, surprised by your reaction.

"Pancakes, Y/N," you reminded her, and Tara blinked a few times, realizing she did exactly what you did yesterday.

And so, she laughed as well, jokingly pushing you to get up quicker. You got together yesterday, no one could blame her for being a bit more eager for everything than it was necessary. Besides, you weren't any different. Give it a bit of time and you'll both get used to the relationship, which should, in turn, make you a bit less excited about being in a relationship than you currently were. Twice a day was definitely not a pace either of you needed.

You didn't head right back to the dough, instead, you dug for something in your bag and walked back to her with a small bag. "I saw them and figured your hand might be sensitive to cold," you handed her the package. "Happy birthday, Love," you said, quickly bending down to peck her lips one more time.

Tara, pulled you into a hug, the package still in her hand. "Thank you," she whispered in your ear. The gift turned out to be a pair of rechargeable hand warmers. "I love it," could she tell you? Was it too early? She kinda figured you weren't the most usual couple, between near-death experience and being in love for years. Shouldn't there be a build-up to those words? "Y/N."

"Yeah?" you looked taken aback when you looked her in the eyes.

"It's just, I-" she was sure of what she felt, she just feared you might think it was too soon.

You smiled. "I love you too, Tara," her jaw dropped.

"Wha- How?" she jumped to her feet as you laughed and went back to making crescent rolls. "Y/N!" she scolded you with a pout on her face.

"Eyes are the window to the soul, right? Well, no one has eyes quite as expressive as yours, Tara. Besides, we've been through so much together. Saying 'I love you' feels more like stating the obvious, rather than a huge declaration," you shrugged while you began grating the cheese

Tara wanted to be annoyed, but, frankly, she couldn't be. You just had to be right, didn’t you? Tara did have to admit most people didn’t go through what the two of you did. There certainly wasn’t a book about when to say ‘I love you’ if you and your partner survived a couple of crazy killers trying to kill you. "You're right. Let's redo it. I love you, Y/N," she said and your smile morphed into a wide grin.

"I love you too, Tara."

~X~

About an hour later Tara got a text from Sam that her, Chad, and Mindy were almost there, and just in time as you were just done setting the table. The crescent rolls smelled absolutely divine and if they weren’t fresh out of the oven Tara would have tried them already.

The two of you heard a knocking on the doors and Tara jumped to unlock them.

“Sam learnt her lesson,” you teased as Tara walked past you and she just grinned at you, blushing slightly at the reminder of what nearly happened yesterday.

The moment she opened the doors Sam burst in, hugging her tightly. “Easy Sam, I was with Y/N,” Tara laughed, hugging her sister back.

“In more ways than one,” Mindy quipped shamelessly.

“Mindy!” Chad, luckily, chastised her before Tara could.

But Mindy just smirked, patting Tara on the back. “Early birthday present? Seeing stars without getting punched?”

Tara blushed furiously, of course Mindy would keep teasing her even now that she got together with you. “That’s… It’s not,” damn it, why was she so embarrassed.

“Damn it, Mindy, we’re supposed to have breakfast,” Sam complained as she let go of Tara.

“Exactly, and leave Tara be,” Chad jumped in to defend her as well.

Mindy just smirked, and while she stopped talking she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively causing Tara to groan. “Well, I had my fun, happy birthday, T,” Mindy finally went and hugged her. “Also, seriously, about time you two!” she exclaimed loud enough for you to hear her as well, but considering the way you were looking at them, with your jaw dropped, you definitely heard everything that came before as well.

“What the dingus said, I mean the about time thing,” Chad grinned and pulled Tara in for a hug. “Happy birthday!”

“Thanks, all of you,” Tara smiled, and just for a moment, for a fleeting second, she expected to see three more faces there. As if what happened was a horrible nightmare, as if Wes and Liv were still alive and Amber was alive and not a crazy murderer. But they weren’t there, they were all dead.

She tried to keep the smile on her face as she the three of them inside. All five of you sat down and Tara snuggled as close to you as she could, seeking your warmth and trying to push those thoughts away.

You always had a sixth sense for her distress, and you wrapped your arm around her and kissed the top of her head.

“So, world champion?” Chad awkwardly patted you on the shoulder.

Ever since Tara told the three of them of your retirement, they weren’t sure how to approach the subject, and that was with Tara. Now you were right there, and that awkwardness came back like a boomerang, and it was only slightly eased by the fact that you won. Well, depending on how you looked at it. Chad, personally, thought that you winning made it even worse, since you wouldn’t get the chance to defend your title and dominate the women MMA.

“Until the next title match, yeah. Anya will probably take it right back by beating up whoever her unlucky opponent ends up being,” you weren’t bothered though, not even a bit and Tara trusted you were honest.

“I bet, that woman hits hard,” Sam agreed, wincing slightly when she remembered how much Tara was panicking while they were all watching your fight.

You chuckled. “Tell me about it,” and just like that the tension was gone. Tara eased her worried mind by leaning into your touch, and you eased the worries of all your friends by being fairly chill about the retirement. For a brief moment Tara even chastised herself for ever doubting you in the first place.

~X~

Later that day you were washing the dishes while Tara and the twins choose how to pass the time. That was when Sam approached you.

She leaned back against the fridge, not quite looking at you, instead she crossed her arms and looked at Tara. "So, you and Tara," Sam began a bit awkwardly.

"Yes?" you couldn't help bit smirk a bit, but when you noticed Sam’s nervousness and the fact that she chose to keep her tone low, your smirk dropped, and you dried your hands. You were done anyway.

"You're official?" there was the question, honestly, you expected it a bit sooner, but you guessed there just wasn’t a chance for Sam to ask. And you guessed she was a bit conflicted.

You should have been annoyed by her demeanor. And maybe you were a bit annoyed. She was gone for five years, came back only when she had to, and while you were thankful, she came back, you didn’t exactly appreciate the fact that she was tethering on the edge of protecting Tara from you of all people. But, you did understand. Tara went through a traumatic experience, and she jumped into a relationship with you the moment you came back. Not to mention the circumstances surrounding you leaving weren’t the best either. Sam couldn’t know that you and Tara completely talked it out, before you got together, and then during the rest of the day, you just talked it all over. Or at least the most important topics.

So, between understanding where Sam was coming from and the excitement you felt over being with Tara you couldn't wipe that stupid grin off your face as you glanced at Tara debating with Mindy on which movie to watch was enough of an answer on its own. "Yeah, it kinda just happened," you then quickly raised your hand. "Before you give me protective older sister speech, I know. I get it. If I ever hurt her you're free to do whatever you want," of course, after you chose your own fitting punishment.

Sam nodded, smiling at your reassurance. "Honestly, if it had to be anyone, I'm glad it's you," she looked at Tara, at the grin on her face that mirrored your own when she glanced toward you. "She's happy with you."

"Sam, Y/N, come on!" Tara said, interrupting the conversation you had with Sam, still, you doubted there was anything else left to say. Sam approved, even if she was justifiably concerned for her sister.

~X~

As the celebration began coming to a close the five of you were left sitting, just chilling in your and Tara’s apartment. Mindy and Chad were on the couch and Chad was eating his second slice of cake. Sam and Mindy refused the seconds, but you and Tara were sharing a piece, since Tara was already full, but craved something sweet and you weren't about to turn down extra cake. Sam was sitting at the bottom of your and Tara’s bed, while you sat cross-legged on your bed with Tara sitting on your lap. You had one arm around her waist while holding the plate in the other. Tara was the one with the duty to feed either of you.

"Hey, what should we do when we leave Woodsboro?" Chad suddenly asked as he took another bite of his cake.

"Go to university, get our degrees, you know how it goes," Mindy didn't seem too interested in the topic.

"Well yeah, but I'd like us to stick together. You know, after what we went through," he said and you couldn't help but feel relief at his words.

You glanced at Tara, seeing the hopeful look in her eyes. This clearly wasn't something they talked about before.

"I don't think I can trust other people easily, after what Amber did," Mindy admitted. "And I really care about you two," she said to Chad and Tara. "No offense, Y/N, Sam."

"None taken, I get it," Sam immediately assured her and you just grinned.

You and Mindy were friends, you were on good terms, you could see she was happy for you and Tara. You also fully understood it was a friendship that relied on your mutual connection to Tara.

"Well, I care about all of you," Chad was, for the lack of a better description, much more open to caring about people than Mindy. Granted, you had more in common with Chad than Mindy, so that may have had something to do with the closer friendship the two of you had.

"How about we pick the same university and rent an apartment together?" Tara went for the best-case scenario in her head.

Mindy immediately crossed her arms in an X shape. "No way, university yes, but living with you two? No, I can't handle how stuck together you two are," she immediately shut it down.

Tara laughed, jokingly smacking her shoulder. "We're not that bad!"

Mindy just looked at Tara blankly and shook her head. "T. We know what you did yesterday, a day into your relationship, by the way," Tara and you blushed at that. "Also, kind of hard to believe you when you haven't left Y/N's lap for longer than a minute the whole night."

"She got you there Snuggle Bear," you snickered, pulling the embarrassed girl closer to you.

Tara pouted and untangled herself from you, so she could go to Sam who happily accepted the role of hugging her sister.

"There, there, don't worry about it," Sam smoothed Tara's hair and pulled Tara to her right side. Tara eagerly leaned into Sam's embrace.

"See! This is what I'm talking about! As if being sweet with Y/N wasn't enough, there's Sam as well!" Mindy laughed and honestly, given the situation, you and Chad couldn't help but join in. "It never ends, and I worry it might be contagious."

Tara just turned around and stuck her tongue out.

'We're all just touch-starved, aren't we?' you couldn't help but think as you shook your head slightly.

"No, look at it from the brighter side, at least she's going from one to the other," and Chad had to say it.

Tara immediately perked up and looked at you. "Y/N," she said sweetly and made a 'come here' motion with her hand.

"No!" Mindy and Chad jumped to grabbed onto you.

"Duty calls," you smirked, getting up to shake the two off and get closer to Tara and Sam despite the two trying to pull you back.

"Stay with us Y/N! She has you wrapped around her little finger!" Mindy laughed.

"How does Tara hold you back and pull you around all the time?" Chad complained as he relented and gave up on trying to hold you back.

Looking over your shoulder you saw Mindy looking at Chad with an 'Are-you-serious' look on her face.

"I let her," you shrugged and dropped down next to Tara. "Yes, Tara?"

Tara glanced down at her left hand, resting on her thigh. Then she glanced at your own hand. Okay, you could figure that one out. You leaned back and slid your arm around Tara's lower back so you could reach her left hand from behind. "Like this?"

"Just like that," going by the smile on Tara's face she really enjoyed the moment. Sam having her arm around Tara's shoulders and you hugging her at the same time.

"See, it's like she has two guard dogs now," Mindy's laughter suddenly stopped. The reminder of Amber's nickname for you hanging in the air like an uncomfortable weight on everyone's shoulders. "Shit, sorry, Tara," she apologized.

"No, don't worry about it," Tara got up, but before you or Sam could go after her Mindy got up and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm really sorry. For teasing as well, hug them all you want," Mindy dropped the tough act just for a few moments.

Tara returned the hug and you saw her shoulders relaxing before the two girls separated.

"Uh, I'd like a hug too," Chad grinned sheepishly, prompting Tara to hug him as well.

If there really was a group of life-long friends forming between the five of you there was no doubt in your mind the heart and soul of that group was Tara.

A/N: The gift is an idea from Anon's headcanon, I didn't even know those were a thing until Anon mentioned them. Thank you, Anon!

[byunpum]

How would Neytiri reaction will be when she found out Jake and Auntie Sully are actually triplets?

In general hc please

It would be a very strange thing for her, twins and triplets was something unusual, if not non-existent in life in Pandora. Three people who are the identical, but at the same time the opposite of each other?

When she had more confidence with Y/N, she would ask her many questions about it. Jake had told her that they were very much alike, that his older brother and he were the same. But that in contrast to Y/N, she was a little different.

Noticing the things that you both did equally. Y/n might be human, but her behavior was almost identical to that of her mate. It blew her mind.

The way they spoke and expressed themselves. The way they walked, or made gestures when they spoke. It gave her tenderness to know, that there could be people who were so united and alike. She could even notice the facial features that jake's avatar had, that were so similar to y/n's. Even though they were totally different people, they were so alike.

The connection that y/n and jake had was something that neytiri could compare to hers with eywa, it was very strong and very pure. She always admired that. She knew that wherever jake went, y/n would be with them. He couldn't walk away from his sister, just as she couldn't walk away from him.

Jake told her about the loss of his brother, and how it affected the two of you. Jake said it felt like losing a part of himself. Even Y/N expressed the same thing. Neytiri asked eywa to never separate or allow them to experience that feeling of loss again. Listening to the tone of voice of both of them, as they spoke of their deceased brother, she could tell the nostalgia and pain they both still felt.

Avatar Masterlist | Aunt Sully series

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being another displaced Padawan with Cal Kestis

Cal Kestis x jedi!reader

warnings: angst, STAR WARS JEDI SURVIVOR SPOILERS

a/n:

prompt:

you and cal went way back

like, jedi padawan back

so after the purge, about five years later, you guys reunited by chance. thanks to cere junda, no less

and, god, seeing someone so familiar after trying to get by on your own, someone who knew the feeling of the trajectory of your life being thrown off before you were ready, that wasn’t easy to come by

“you’re here” -cal

“i’m here” -you

“we survived” -cal

“just barely” -you

cere was delighted that the two of you could have lifted each other’s spirits so much, which was very much needed in desperate times, as you two were just given a very important mission by a former jedi master in your order

you and cal kicked some serious ass together, helping one another relearn old lessons your masters had taught during your youth

“i think running across walls was the hardest thing i was ever taught” -you

“it took me forever to get that right! i could only get two steps in before i plummeted to the floor!” -cal

you shared a lot of stories and emotions during travels, in private

and not all of them were positive, but this was the first chance you’d had in five years to face these emotions, to air out your feelings

“do you miss the clones? i was so fond of our battalion, they were always so kind to me” -you

“i think…i think that was the worst part. the people who defended us in battle, gave me pep talks before training, always there, that same face at every turn suddenly behind the blaster that was meant to put me down” -cal

“i miss them” -you

cal and you had your missions together…and separately. you’d be on one planet and he on the other, trying to race the empire and inquisitors to the holocron

“it could happen all over again” -you

“it could be the key to saving the galaxy” -cal

“or we’d be creating a generational tragedy” -you

“so would the empire” -cal

“you’ve got me there” -you

cal gifting you ponchos from his travels (lol)

“any chance you like pink?” -cal

“well…” -you

braving zeffo alone while you knew cal was somewhere far more dangerous, you had a bad feeling about it

but your teachings from the order were always the same, no attachment. mission first, feelings second…no, last

but on cal’s adventure, he found merrin, a nightsister from dathomir

you hadn’t seen any nightsisters since ventress, which did happen to make you feel a bit off

“cal…you sure?” -you

“trust me, y/n. things have changed. merrin is just like us” -cal

“cal told me much about you. another survivor. a pleasure” -merrin

you and merrin grew quite close actually

she was truly spectacular, and swapping stories with her was sort of educational

“wait…the jedi responsible for the nightsister genocide? you said lightsabers, plural? how many?” -you

“four” -merrin

“two green, two blue?” -you

“precisely. how did you know?” -merrin

“hang on, no way—” -cal

“my master killed him shortly before we were split up…when the clones turned” -you

“grevious? really? master kenobi finally got him?” -cal

“who is this ‘grevious?’” -merrin

“general grevious, he was a separatist general—a cyborg. he wasn’t a jedi, he stole lightsabers from his kills. he ordered the attack on your home” -cal

“i’m so sorry, merrin” -you

you three were still healing from many scars, but doing it together was much more achievable than trying alone

it was a wonder you even made it to fortress inquisitorius

you, cal, cere. all three of you fought like hell to save those kids.

now, cal and you, you two had much different perspectives than say, cere or trilla

displaced padawans. little guidance. cal was barely old enough to even be a padawan learner, but times were desperate and the order called upon the youngling to start quite early. you were in a similar boat. it made you two see eye to eye better than most

trilla, a padawan with much more training and insight, one who was failed by the order that she was most loyal to. failed by her own master.

cere, a devout jedi master who failed many people who were counting on her. who lost herself to a side of herself that every jedi is supposed to fight.

and just before any resolution could come of all of you together, the famed and feared darth vader showed himself

and the sinking feeling you felt before he arrived froze you

“what is it, y/n? y/n?” -cere

*ominous breathing sounds*

you shook off the feeling, fleeing instead

cal and you were split up when you swore vader made a point to hold you back

“run cal! get out of here!” -you

“y/n l/n, i was hoping i would see you” -vader “where is obi-wan?!”

“i thought you were dead” -you

“is that what he told you?” -vader

“you’re going to kill me to get back at him? i haven’t seen him since the purge, anakin! i left!” -you

“there is no anakin!” -vader “did you leave, or did he leave you?”

“are you just going to let cal get away?” -you

“he can’t get far” -vader

“my journey is not important to you” -you

“you are like me, y/n. obi-wan failed us. these inquisitors are weak, impressionable, disposable. but i know how you think. i know how he thinks. i give you the opportunity to join me. fight with me.” -vader

“i saw the holotapes, anakin. i saw what you did to the younglings and i will not let you do it again. we are not alike, obi-wan did not fail me. i took a page out of ahsoka’s book, i found my own path. and it is not beside you.” -you

“this is not over, y/n. i trust you’ll find your way out” -vader, force pushing you off a ledge

you did find you way back out and merrin was quick to save you before going back for cal

you were left completely unharmed, as well, which was quite the surprise to everyone else

“what happened back there, y/n?” -cal

“nothing i’d like to relive” -you

cal nodded and let it go, focusing on the holocron floating before you all

your mind kept replaying memories as they discussed what to do with it

memories of anakin’s massacre. vader’s speech. younglings you couldn’t save. luke and leia somewhere across the galaxy. the inquisitors.

“destroy it.” -you

in one quick swipe, cal took his lightsaber to the glowing blue cube. no questions asked

and from there on, it was no longer about the order. you remembered why you left in the first place. the purge, the politics, your master couldn’t contain himself. your troops turned their blasters on you. everything you were taught was bantha fodder. and you were just a padawan

it was now about disassembling. scaring the people in power while giving the little guy some hope.

“this is a much better gig than obi-wan playing by the rules” -you

“from what you told me, him and anakin never played by the rules” -cal

the name made you shudder, but you pushed past it

“well, anakin was known as the rulebreaker. obi-wan always tried to reel him in. but, i’ve noticed a rule or two that master kenobi had bent” -you

“anakin has a padawan too, right?” -cal

“he did. she was also a rule breaker. when she left the order, i almost followed her. last i heard, she went to mandalore with half of the 501st. i, uh—” -you

“right…” -cal

you were still haunted from the encounter on nurr. still hadn’t told cal and it was eating you up inside.

but the fighting made it feel better

dismantling, stealing, helping

and then merrin left. and cere. and greez settled down. and you and cal were just two makeshift jedi knights with your tragic pasts and your need to keep your place in the galaxy

and keep each other close

but not too close

those rules you followed, the one’s obi-wan followed, you threw them out a long time ago. the jedi order was corrupt. you examined each council master postmortem and decided that they were all flawed despite their rank. you hated them for it.

but decided the one teaching you would follow would be to lose hate, a step to the dark side.

you didn’t really even know at this point, what was the difference between right and wrong anymore

cal and you continued fighting. joined up with saw gerrera. never left each other’s sides

which…sparked feelings you’d never really been taught or told how to deal with

only aversion, really. but it wasn’t like you didn’t really talk about it

“i don’t really see the problem with it. look at everything else we do, that’s not exactly the jedi way” -you

“it’s dangerous” -cal

“love is dangerous?” -you

“attachment is” -cal

“i figured you already had attachments. we were all a crew before this” -you

“i let them all go” -cal

“and you’d let me go?” -you

you began constantly questioning these ways and trying to fight for a new future with cal, without pressing too hard

but it was hard to ignore those feelings and harder to constantly be denied by your old life

and it was harder when the new crew always teased you two

“come on, kestis. if you don’t, i will” -gabs

“yeah, just go for it. who’s it hurting?” -bravo

“i’m just not ready to go there” -cal

you were more bothered than you let on

but you always put the mission first

up until your trip back to coruscant

“this is just a reminder of how little it all matters now. there’s no one left.” -you

“that’s why it matters” -cal

the intensity of this mission made it so it was just the two of you again

and maybe that would spark something…but you doubted it

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @locke-writes // @sweetheartlizzie07 // @queen-destenie // @captainshazamerica // @ravenmoore14 // @gabile18 // @sweetjedi // @retvenkos // @swanimagines // @randomfandomimagine // @dontyousassmeok // @dindjarinsspouse // @zoeyserpentluck // @summersimmerus // @scarthefangirl // @sheridans-dynamos // @lady-violet // @simsrecs // @xoxobabydolls // @ruvaakke // @simp-legend // @evilcr0ne // @thedarkqueenofavalon // @your-local-simp0 // @elenavampire21 // @pheonixfire777 //

[undiscovered-horizon]

O Rubor Sanguinis - Kaz Brekker x Grisha!Reader

[vulgar language]

[Part 1 - Agnus Dei]

SUMMARY: The Black General docks in Ketterdam and the lives of all four of you depend on booby traps set around the city and whether you really are as powerful as you're led to believe. Standing face to face with the man who's been haunting your family for years, can you stop yourself from becoming a monster?

Kaz may not be the bear he likes to appear as.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 2.7k

>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist&lt;<

Inej is finally back. Her return has a strange property - it resolves one tension just to build another. But no one is expecting this day to go any differently. You don’t look for sunlight under grim, dark clouds.

“The ship docked,” she informs. 

Three pairs of eyes turn to look at you, watching in anticipation. Guilt and shame swirl inside your chest once again. From this moment on, they are your responsibility. Each bruise, cut and wound they will suffer is as if done by your hand.

You clench your fist to stop the hand from shaking and take in a ragged breath. “Let’s go over this one last time. The main goal is to separate Kirigan from the Second Army soldiers. Our advantage is that we know Ketterdam a lot better.”

“And we set traps,” Jesper adds with visible thrill.

“Exactly,” you point at him with a snap of your fingers. It’s the second best thing to saying ‘a point for you’. “You can’t take on Kirigan’s Grisha all at once, so send them on a wild goose chase through the city. They don’t know much about tactics, they’ll just throw whatever they have at you, for better or worse. While you’re boxing in the Second Army, I’m fighting the Black General.”

A moment of reflective silence falls among the four of you. Jesper, Kaz and Inej exchange glances, then their eyes return to scrutinizing your face. Something’s the matter.

“You’re actually going to kill him?” Inej asks with a hint of disbelief. It’s hard to say whether she’s sceptical you can do it or in awe that it might work, after all. Although the words came from her, you’re well aware that she’s voicing everyone’s thoughts - even your own.

A sigh escapes your lips as you look away from them for a moment. The anticipating stares feel like red hot cauteries; vultures waiting for any sign of their prey passing on. “Only if I have to. Kaz is right, taking down someone of his calibre may be brave but it is impossibly stupid.”

Brekker takes this as a cue to put in his own two cents. “They won’t make it easy,” his tone is harsh. “The Black General expects resistance. He’s not taking prisoners.” Kaz pauses for a moment, probably to accentuate the seriousness of the ridiculous plan they’re about to carry out. “No mourners.”

“No funerals,” the rest of you answer him in unison. It’s more a habit, a reflex, rather than a conscious effort. 

A sting appears in your chest - with a hand on your heart, can you honestly promise this to Kaz? That by nightfall you will not be the one buried underneath streets of Ketterdam?

Out of the corner of your eye you can see Kaz looking at the side of your face. Something’s on his mind, some thought that begs to be set free but he manages to keep it hidden. You don’t acknowledge this observation and leave the club, taking up one of the most reckless thing you could probably come up with.

The widespread panic started somewhere after the first detonation - when one of the Squallers got their face burnt off with phosphorus, causing all of the Ketterdam citizens in the vicinity to run around with a scream on their lips. Overlooking the ramming herd, the explosive did its job and Kirigan’s Grisha soon dispersed through the better portion of the city. Now they are a responsibility to be handled by Kaz, Jesper and Inej. The only thing you can do for them is trust that Veles is looking away from Ketterdam.

You weave the alleyways and streets of the grim city in search of Him. The sounds of fighting are once close by and other times distant. Each whine of agony, a moan of pain, makes your heart stop beating until you’re sure that the miserable shout does not belong to any of your friends. But you can’t know whether the next scream will not come from their lungs. That realization makes you clench your fist a little too tight, nails digging into your skin - the three of them are risking their lives, so you have a chance. It’s only fair that you put your fear on the farthest shelf.

With a newfound determination, you storm through the streets of Ketterdam, never paying attention to anything that doesn’t even remotely resemble the black robe of the General. People run past you but you shove them away. A flame flies towards the sky in a column of frenzy a few streets ahead of you. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Then, the rim of heavy, black material flashes before your eyes right when it disappears around the corner. Anxiety once again blossoms in your chest but you stifle it, ripping it away from your soul and discarding it with a chunk of sensibility and compassion.

The alley is deserted. A narrow, uneven cobblestone road goes up and down, a true nightmare for a cart. A man dressed in all black is strolling through the street, unbothered by the widespread panic and fights across Ketterdam. Truthfully, you’ve never seen the Black General, only heard about him but at that moment, seeing the proud posture and elegant robes, you know it’s him.

“Черный батюшка!” you call out to the stranger.

He immediately stops walking. First looking over his shoulder, then turning around, Kirigan is facing you for the very first time in his life. Despite that, he knows you’re the rabbit he’s been chasing. The deserted street where no civilian will suffer, opponents that recognize each other at first glance - all of this seems almost fated.

“You,” he says thoughtfully, pondering the relatively unimposing sight in front of him. Then, a condescending smile creeps onto his face. “Finally.”

“Me,” you try to sound more unbothered than you truly are. It’s hard to say whether he’s buying your act. “Always and invariably, me.”

There’s no word of warning, not even a dishonest attempt at negotiations born out of courtesy rather than diplomacy - Kirigan does some complicated motion with his hands and suddenly there’s a blade made out of solid darkness charging at you.

But since it’s material, it must obey the laws of physics.

With barely a flick of your wrist, wispy flame, lilac in colour, wraps itself around the shadow, forcing it to change the trajectory of its flight. A thundering sound, a cloud of dust - the blade flies through the brick wall of a nearby house.

Something changes about Kirigan’s face. The condescending, cocky mannerism falters when he’s not consciously keeping it up. An expression of surprise, if not disbelief, dances across his features before he’s pulled back into the moment. No matter how stern and unbothered he may appear, you’ve already seen the General’s doubt in his own superiority. Playing into his broken confidence might just be the solution.

You shake your head in disappointment. “Why are you doing this to yourself, Alexandr? You know you can’t kill me with your power.”

Kirigan falls to his knees when you clench your fist, the same lilac smoke hovering around his body. He can’t move his hands and any attempt at conjuring darkness end with the shadows falling on the cobblestone in coal-like ash. In no rush, you stroll closer to him.

Standing maybe a metre or two away from him, you can see into his dark eyes - nervousness and contempt swirl together as though his human form is just a disguise, hiding a rabid animal underneath.

“I am both the rock and the tree roots that crumble it,” you begin in a condescending tone, “the mountains and the turbulent waters eroding them.” Slowly leaning down, you face him with merely a palm’s length between you. “I could be your god. I can make you beg,” you grit through your teeth.

Kirigan bursts into laughter, shaking his head in disbelief. “Do you really believe this nonsense? That you’re anything beyond a barking, toothless mutt?” Suddenly, his amusement disappears as swiftly as it came to be just a second ago. “You’re just like him,” he spits ouit. “Too weak to make a change, to be someone. I can help you, make you into something that matters.”

You take a step back. It’s both pathetic and impressive that a man rendered powerless claims to be the key to some inexplicable strength. The longer you look at Kirigan, to more you’re certain that he genuinely believes his own words; having gone through spirals of madness, he circled back to some twisted normality.

Kneeling before you, unable to defend himself in any way that matters, he's something of a prisoner - a man held hostage by mercy and vengeance battling inside your head. You could just... kill him. The curse that had haunted you and your family for centuries, it can end just like that - snap your fingers, flick your wrist, it doesn't take much.

You swallow thickly; a deep, ragged breath inhaled through your mouth. This must end, his reign of paranoia and delusion, but you know the day is yet to come - not here, not right now.

In a spiteful manner, you cross your arms on your chest. A cocky smile crooks your lips. Even if you don’t kill him, this is going to be equally satisfying. “See, батюшка, that’s the difference between you and me: you must be someone, while I can be anyone.” You shrug. Then you nod your head, silently agreeing with his words, although only a percentage of them. “You know, there’s a thousand ways I imagined killing you. Maybe I’ll increase your blood pressure, giving you a heart attack after a heart attack until the muscle finally gives out or slowly put more pressure on your skull until it pops like an overripe watermelon. I could also change the density of the air, making you suffocate for hours on end.” You sigh in defeat, throwing your hands up. “But you’re right, I am just like Mikhail. That’s the only reason why you’ll get to see another day.”

Before Kirigan has a chance to continue this pointless dispute, you kick the side of his head with all of the strength you can gather. With a loud thud, he hits the cobblestone road, knocked-out cold. Incapacitated for a moment but nowhere near dead. Although you have no way to be sure about that, something tells you that you got your message across and Kirigan is going to direct his delusion of grandeur elsewhere - at least for now.

“You know what’s the problem with chasing rabbits?” you say to the unconscious General. “There are bears in the woods.”

Some of your drink spills as you hit your glass with Jesper’s, raising a toast for all the tears you will not cry over your friends. You whine and laugh, feeling brandy running down your fingers. For tonight, it’s the only sorrow you’re going to suffer.

You’re drinking the alcohol while listening to Jesper’s tall story of how he brought down one of the Infernis earlier. He’s absolutely amazing at the craft, gesturing and adding noises to paint the picture. The tale is so engaging, you don’t notice Brekker’s eyes burning into you. Maybe part of your dismissal of his behaviour is because you’ve grown to know him a little too well - always pessimistic until his own skills are being evaluated. He will probably tell you words of impeding doom, revenge of the General, and although he will be right, you don’t quite want to think about the inescapable future just yet.

To your misfortune, as you think at the moment, Kaz gives Inej a meaningful look and she picks up on the silent message immediately.

“Let’s get another round,” she says as she pulls Jesper up by his arm. He doesn’t seem to mind, following her through the crowd to the bar.

Kaz leans forward, resting his forearm on the table. “You did the smart thing, letting the Black General live,” he begins.

The mention of the man in black robes makes you sober up immediately, his condescending smile flashing before your eyes. You finish the rest of your drink in one go, the glass clicks loudly against the wooden table as you set it down.

“Save that for the day he comes back all fucked off.”

He only scoffs, amused at your sudden lack of humor. You’re watching Kaz as he fishes something out of his pocket and places it in front of you on the table. A glint of polished golden surface - the watch.

Strange. It looks a lot better, newer, than you remember. With furrowed eyebrows, you look at Kaz but his expression remains unreadable. Cautiously, as if the pocket watch is about to bite your hand off, you pick up the keepsake. Pressing down the button on the top, the lid pops open. Your eyes widen in surprise - the hands are steadily moving around the face of the clock.

Your eyes snap back to look at Kaz. Something equally warm as it is flustering sprouts inside your chest. “You had it fixed.”

“It’s a nice watch,” he answers with a certain tone of indifference. But if he was willing to go this far about something he was supposed to just keep in his pocket, there had to be at least a speck of care behind his cold exterior. “There’s something else that might spark your interest. Come with me.”

The garden square is nearly deserted. Those who do walk through it, use it as a shortcut rather than a green area meant for leisure. Plantanetrees tower over you, their widespread crowns rustle as cold wind brushes against them. A leaf or two falls with a stronger gust, covering the neatly-kept lawn in reds and oranges.

In front of you is a bench - a park bench like there are thousands throughout Ketterdam. And yet, this one is unlike any other. It’s so uncommon, in fact, that you can hardly believe you’re standing in front of it. Your teary eyes read the plaque on the planks once more:

In loving memory of Kosomova Anastasia Fyodorovna. One mother’s sacrifice is worth that of a thousand martyrs. 

“Thank you,” you whisper to Kaz, your voice wavering with unconsolable emotions. His face is still stern, impenetrable, but he appears calm rather than somber. “She would have loved it.”

“Do you?” he asks immediately after.

A dry chuckle flies past your lips. Despite the tears running down you face, you smile - genuinely. “This is the nicest thing anyone has done for me.”

Kaz doesn’t say anything in response but neither does he leave. The two of you are standing there motionless, taking after the impressive plantanetrees rustling over your heads. Autumn wind brings stray raindrops with each gust, the oncoming rainstorm mixing with your tears on your cheeks as though they are one and the same. Gas lamps shine with dim, yellow light - not enough to brighten up the forgotten garden square. Despite the surrounding darkness, the plaque is still fairly legible as the lamplight cascades off the polished metal.

When the emotions finally settle down, you find yourself wondering about the imminent future you had been chasing away earlier this evening. Perhaps Kirigan has withdrawn but it is more than foolish to assume he has abandoned his mission like a wolf that disappears into the thick forest only to come back with the rest of its pack; the howling of tomorrow resonates in your ears.

“What happens now, Kaz?” you ask quietly.

He spares you a questioning look. “What do you mean?”

With a sigh, you look to the side to meet his gaze. “We’re in open conflict with the Black General. He might keep away for now but one day he’ll come back.”

Kaz slightly turns to face you with the rest of his body. The strange softness in his gaze disappears in favour of something cold and determined but never calloused; the same water that cleanses, drowns. “Then we’ll fight him again.”

The word ‘we’ brings you a sense of comfort. It’s a lovely sentiment - to not have to stare down into the abyss alone.

“You have incapacitated a handful of Kirigan’s personal guard and you’re harbouring a fugitive.” You pout your lips thoughtfully and nod your head. “I guess now it really is your fight.”

“You’re always my fight,” he states firmly, almost as if he is arguing with you. “Whether you like it or not.”

___

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @coldheartedmar @thecraziestcrayon