#she starts off with big ideas about what she wants life to look like post-uprising

[gothyanki]

Becoming increasingly obsessed with the idea of Gith as a crash-burned/fallen idealist.

[lonesilverw0lf]

My take on the RWBY/40K idea. It’s not a ‘Jaune is a Lost Primarch’ that @guardsman-of-remnant or @the-wayward-arc have, or as thought out as @weatherman667 Astartes Chapters.

Juane was a normal guy who’s planet was destroyed. Then he decides to do something about it and potentially changes the course of the galaxy.

Jaune’s early life and world was dealt a bad hand. On a planet considered backwater, ruled over by incompetent lords, an over paranoid and self-righteous Inquisitor, continually and unrightfully drained of resources, repeatedly denied aid and due process, castigated for things beyond their control, and so on. Punished for ‘refusing to pay their tithe’ despite the fact they did pay the tithe but it was attacked by pirates. There was even a time when an enterprising farmer designed a better water pump, really all he did was find an older and better model and made more. Yet somehow the Mechanichum got wind of it and declared it Technoheresy. They destroyed every model and glassed a good swathe of the planet. Those are just a couple of many examples that Jaune was alive to experience. When everyday looks like hell, the Warp starts looking pretty good. Well between a Chaos uprising and a surprise Ork Waaah, alongside the possible threat of a Tyrranid fleet, the planet was declared hopeless and Exterminatus was ordered.

However instead of dying with the rest of the system’s population, Jaune was whisked away to another dimension. A pocket realm in-between the Materium and Immaterium. This realm was reined by a goddess yet not a goddess, who also sits in a weird in between with the materium and immaterium. Said goddess was an entity from another galaxy before the War in Heaven. She started off as just another galaxy conquering dragon, but after a few zillion years that got boring. Seeing the Old Ones and their creations she decided to observe. She’s got nothing but time, so why not? Over time she became loving, a gardener, a collector, a teacher. She doesn’t interfere with the Materium much because of her overwhelming power, and her control over the Immaterium is mostly spent keeping her corner of the galaxy protected from everything else. She’s pretty hands off and lets everyone else do their own thing, hence she didn’t take part in the War in Heaven. Or much else for that matter. She likes to watch the galaxy spin and all its different paths.

In her Library Jaune finds out the truth of the Horus Heresy, along with many other Heresies and major calamaties from alternate timelines that brought the Imperium to its knees and eventual demise. Horus Heresy, Robutian, Dornian, Lion, Erebrun, each and every Heresy and their potential variations. In a desperate bid to prevent these calamities, Jaune convinces his goddess to send himself and a motley collection of volunteers back in time to just before the Great Crusade. A Suicide Squad consisting of those that the Imperium would execute on the spot: Mutants, Abhumans, Heretics, Traitors, Xenos, Abominable Intelligence, and more. I’m sure Big E would get a laugh out of the irony.

Jaune knows that he can’t do half of what he wants to do. They can’t deal with anything big, like E’s journey into the Warp, the creation of the Primarchs and Astartes, the scattering of the Primarchs, the Great Crusade, etc. He can’t just go and tell the Emperor or Malcador about this. They won’t listen first off, and then they’ll just kill him for knowing too much, trying to play with things he has no business in, or just because Jaune refuses to kiss their asses.

He can’t just go out and pick up all the Primarchs and raise them like his own sons post-scattering. They’re scattered too far apart, their homeworlds need them in some fashion, the worlds are too big and dangerous to be looking for them, the Crew is always on the move which would be bad for their personal growth, each of them are too intelligent to not notice something’s different, they grow too fast for their limited resources, and more. Not to mention the unwanted attention they’d bring themselves from Chaos and Big E. That would spell doom in no time.

What they can do is use their knowledge of what happened and what could be to alter small yet key moments. A quick bombing run to eliminate the Butcher’s Nails factories, ensuring Corvus makes it to the surface, eliminating Kor Pheron, erasing Erebrus from the equation, keeping RG’s family alive from the deamon(Robutian Heresy story), warn and prepare several civilizations of what’s coming, plant a few bugs into each of the Primarchs’ flagships regarding certain orders, and more. These guys do not get a day off. They have to move in relative secrecy because who’s going to believe them? And those who may will likely have him killed for ‘interfering with the Emperor’s will’.

He’s met with relative success in his endeavors. Angron wasn’t implanted with the Butcher’s Nails, but with a different kind of device of similar purpose. This new set wouldn’t turn Angron’s brain to soup like the Butcher’s Nails did, this set gave him a form of split personality in the same way that Bruce Banner has with the Hulk. So Angron can be either the Stalwart Paladin type he was meant to be, or the Raging Barbarian type from canon. It’s a flip of the coin with him. Give the guy some more complexity than just rage rage rage.

It eventually comes to a point where he’s too far into the game to know what to do next. He’s changed too much to know the right call. The Primarchs are all gathered and conquering systems, so trying to do anything to them is out. Chaos has to know about his meddling by now, probably the Emperor as well. Despite the anti-aging tech, he's getting too old. His entire crew has fallen one by one. He’s the last man standing in this crusade.

Out of resources, options, ideas, allies, full of desperation, Jaune decides to throw one last Hail Mary. He calls in a favor from his Goddess, and through means that I haven’t decided on, gathers all the Primarchs in one room, locks the door, glues them to their seats, and lays it all out on them.*

He explains who he is, what his mission is, the nature and rise of Chaos, large parts of the Emperor’s plan, and all that. He tells them of all the potential futures, all the Heresies, the one where E decides to make Eye of Terror 2.0, one where all the Primarchs go balls to the wall mosh pit civil war, how each of them could/did fall, the War of Heaven, the Tyrranids, Necrons, Tau, many other subfactions, potential allies, those that would’ve been very helpful but were butchered, allies in one but not another, what E has done and his potential plans, their own half Warp entity souls, lots of history, lots of secrets exposed, what Jaune and crew have done, and so on.

He doesn’t hold anything back either. He rants on about how badly humanity has fallen, how logic and reason are replaced with fanaticism, progress with stagnation, the hypocrisy, the injustice, the stagnation and corruption of the Imperium, the bloated and rotting corpse of a once great civilization, the works. He even has a nice little partial Abominable Intelligence helping him out. It puts up all sorts of data, photos, videos, recordings, etc. to supplement Jaune’s rants. Just a little guy that gives intel like how Astartesanonymous, Majorkill, Isyanderandkoda, Livefromtheblacklibrary, Wes, and them give lore explanations.

 “But it’s only one guy who did a cute trick of keeping us in our seats and talks a lot, why should we believe him?” Sorry to do this to you Sanguinius, but he just casually drops the fact that your legion suffers from the Blood Thirst in front of everyone. The thing that you fought so hard to keep quiet from everyone and only a few even within your Legion knew about? Yeah that’ll get your attention, along with everyone else’s given how badly you react. Dropping a couple less dangerous secrets from the Lion’s assortment of secrets is also on the table. Pretty sure Alpharius wouldn’t mind getting pointed out as the actual first Primarch recovered, #sarcasm. He drops a little skeleton from each of their closets in front of everyone.

Suffice to say he isn’t going to be invited to any family cookouts after this.

He calls out each of them on their critical failures, dangerous shortcomings, hypocritical mindests, how easily they fell to Chaos, all the ways Papa E screwed up and is still screwing up, and more. All while calling them the stupid nicknames the Crew used. Mufasa, Simba, Long Johnson, for the Lion. Rowboat Girlyman, Bobby G, Robot Gorrillaman, for Robute. Fido, Balto, Scruffy, for Leman. And so on. He only calls them by their proper names once, at the very beginning when he was introducing himself and being respectful.

Is it smart to insult a room of the most powerful people in the galaxy and their daddy? Or talk down to them like the emotionally immature people they are? No. If it weren’t for the Goddess favor pinning them to their seats and disabling their gear and abilities he’d be dead and he knows that. They try to use their Primarch Aura on him, but after however long serving his Goddess he’s relatively immune to it. And he’s in such a IDGAF mindset that the most they get out of him is a raised eyebrow. It’d take one of the Chaos Gods’ or the Big E’s aura to really make him shake.

However pointing out flaws without a solution is just bitching. He gives credit where credit is due. He offers help and suggestions to a lot of their problems. He asks everyone to start appreciating Perty a little more, tells the Prophecy duo to get together and speak with some Farseers about their visions, commends the achievements of the Builder Brothers and ways to make their stuff even better, etc. He gives them self-help books, some psychiatric care books, and some insights from various sources to help out with some of their more human problems. God knows E isn’t helping them out with any of this.

Jaune had the foresight to make volumes of his findings. He drops many encyclopedias worth of books in front of them, all scaled up in size for their convenience. They hold everything. Names, dates, quotes, specifications, supply lines, blueprints, maps, numbers, persons of interest, items of interest, planets of interest, deamons of interest, xenos of interest, xenos that are beneficial to the galaxy and the Imperium, xenos that Leman can have fun exterminating, xenos that must be protected, xenos that can be uplifted, xenos that are up in the air, events that could happen, things that Jaune prevented from happening, nothing was left out. Not just books pertaining to the Primarchs and their dealing with Chaos, as both opponents and slaves to it, either. He also dumped books detailing events from the various futures for the next 10 millennia. Greatest victories, worst defeats, the breaking of the Legions, Successor Chapters, betrayals, redemptions, plots, plots within plots, the power of Faith, the detriments and benefits of groups like the Inquisition and Ecclesiarchy, the strength of character in Xenos races, and on and on and on. The Primarchs have quite a bit of reading to do.

Don’t worry Lemon Rush, you can still have your fun hunting down Xenos. Here’s a stack of books detailing all those filthy Xenos that are detrimental to the Imperium and galaxy at large! This lists where they are, what danger they pose, what their biology is, how best to kill them, and so on. Have fun!

Guilliman, here’s a stack for you regarding Xenos that are good guys that could use a hand. Vulcan, here’s a buncha worlds that could really use your more human touch. Horus, these worlds are major players so will be better won with your diplomacy. And so on.

So what is the Primarchs reaction? Do they accept the things he’s said? Do they bring this intelligence to the Emperor and Malcador? Do they take a hard look at themselves and decide to do better? Do they throw themselves at the feet of Chaos? Do they slow down the Crusade to better reinforce the reclaimed worlds? Do they help each other overcome their weaknesses and petty grievances so Chaos has less of a foothold on their souls? Do they exacerbate their flaws? Do they watch each other’s backs for Chaotic influence? Do they start training their Sons in Astartes vs Astartes combat? Astartes vs Chaos combat? Do they purge the corrupt members of their legions? Do they decide to eradicate the dangerous Xenos while uplifting the benevolent ones? Do they go hard in ways to better the Imperium? Do they become the mindless tools that E wanted them to be? Do they start to stand up to the Emperor and call him out on his shit when he needs it?

Jaune has no idea what they decided, or what any of their thoughts were. After he drops everything on them, gives them the books and AI, he walks out the door. His only thoughts were getting blackout drunk and working on the next step after the hangover. That particular conversation never left that room as far as he’s concerned or aware. He’s fully expecting any one of them to turn him into a red mist for his attitude, or a visit from the Banana Squad for a ‘chat’. He doesn’t even care what happens to him now.

He doesn’t even manage to find a bottle before he’s in trouble. He’s hit from the side, a mortal wound that kills slowly and painfully. However his attacker isn’t anyone from any branch of the Imperium. A deamon has been hunting him and his crew ever since he came back to the past. This is the thing that’s been orchestrating the deaths of his friends one by one. It’s very proud of its work and monologues like a cartoon villain. He just saved Jaune for last since he’s the leader. Something about helplessly watching as your friends are picked off as you can do nothing.

Taking this as confirmation that Jaune was doing the right thing he gets up for one last go. As noble as he is he can be a spiteful little shit, so he’s not going down without a fight. Jaune uses a single word of Enuncia to banish the demon, however his previous injuries and the power of the word kills him at the same time.

This is a good ending right? Did everything he could, gave those who hold the galaxy in their hands everything they need to keep things going right, gave a big middle finger to Chaos, the Emperor, and the demon, and died an unsung hero. Good place for retirement right?

However Jaune’s not done! The word quit doesn’t exist in his dictionary, especially when he knows that he was making a difference. Or was at least enough of a thorn in Chaos’ side to warrant a personal Demon after him. He reject’s his Goddess’ offer of a peaceful afterlife to go back for more. He’s a sucker for suffering sometimes. He crawls his way through the warp to be reborn in an Avatar type way. His DNA is identical, he holds the same kind soul and indomitable spirit, but he’s a fresh slate in everything else. The ‘current Jaune’ doesn’t know anything about the potential futures, his past lives, or any of that. The most that his original past self, the ‘original Jaune’, can do is subconsciously nudge him in what should be the right direction. Eventually the Demon, which I dub Little Timmy, comes back from the Warp to kill him again. To which Jaune’s original soul takes over in a sense, like how Ozma fights alongside his current host and body, and the two die in a draw yet again. Then he crawls back through the Warp to be reborn yet again, and so the cycle repeats.

Jaune does most everything during this series of cycles. Was an Astartes for each of the legions at least once even the Lost 2, guardsman, Commisar, Rouge trader, mechanicum, planetary lord, bounty hunter, Psyker, Blank, anything and everything as long as it wasn’t under E’s direct oversight like the Inquisition, Assassinorum, Custodes, and the like. Not to say he hasn’t tangoed with and against such organizations over the cycles.

Despite having the same face and dna, he’s missed completely by those in the know. Besides the fact his Goddess is blocking certain figures’ sight from recognizing him properly, think how just a piece of fabric over the eyes works for most heroes identities, he’s just one guy in trillions of trillions in that particular sector. They might have an idea of ‘that guy seems familiar’ in a déjà vu kind of way, but easily dismiss it. How common are blue eyed blonde dudes? The only confirmation that the Primarchs get that Jaune has been reborn again is during or after his fight with Little Timmy. Jaune leaves a message or calls them or whatever, and the original soul makes sure he calls them by one of the stupid nicknames from the chew out session. Who else would have the balls to call Ferrus Manus Tin Can Sam, or can tell the difference to know which TweedleTwin he’s talking to? Not like they can do much by the time/if they get the message, he died in the duel again. They’re lucky to find parts of his body from the fight. Little Timmy tends to desire a lot of collateral whenever possible, and Jaune isn’t always the roided up transhuman super soldier to trade blows so he has to get creative when he fights.

*As everyone else is stuck to their chairs, Jaune is standing on the table to look them in the eyes and move around easier. Also allows him to move close enough to the Primarchs to drop the reading material in front of them, but not close enough to be grabbed. It’s a funny image, but couldn’t find a spot where it would fit so here it is.

~

I have no idea where some of this should go, but I know that it should be a mess of things anyway because it’s 40K. As much as I don’t want any of the Primarchs taken by Chaos now that they have guidebooks on what to look out for and just how fucked that would be if they do, I can see a few of them falling anyway. Fulgrim for instance. I can see him taking the Laer Blade just to try and show Jaune that ‘Oh look, I guess you were wrong and I am strong enough to carry a demonic blade and not get corrupted!’ That’s the reason he talked down to you like a child, ya Purple Nurple! I love the idea of Snakegrim and Clonegrim duking it out, a duel of both loyalties and ideals. Although from what I hear from the various fangroups I’m in we probably won’t see that. Dangit GW. You’re missing a trunkful of easy money.

I’m not sure how the other Primarchs should be affected by Jaune’s meddling either. Angron was just an easy picking on how to change things up.

[abduloki]

Stereotypical Asian Colored Hair

Came across this post by asianfeed .

While I do agree, as an Asian, that there have been some stereotypical portrayal of badass Asian female characters with colored hair, I think we also have to look at the context and that not every Hollywood films portray them in such a way.

For films like “Pacific Rim” and “Big Hero 6″, the female characters are Japanese. And in Japanese society, they are extremely particular about your dress code in school and workplace that you are not allowed to color your hair.

Rinko Kikuchi as Mako Mori in Pacific Rim (2013)

GoGo Tomago in Big Hero 6 (2014)

Because in Japan, collectivism takes precedence over individualism, as a sign of unity and conformity. Those with “colored” hairs are seen as “different” and “rebellious” as they do not conform to society’s expectations.

So naturally, they are seen as “badass” as they do not care about what others think of them or even care if they cannot fit in into the society, as they are fine going about their lives the way they want to and not dictate by others.

Kasumi Arimura as Sayaka Kudo in Japanese Film, Flying Colors (2015).

She played a troubled student who wants to break free and be different as she gives up being “normal” like everyone else as she feels that she could not fit in to the society which expects too much of her.

Which is why Japanese anime often have characters with different hair colors, as its a way to emphasis on the beauty of their individuality and what makes each of them different and unique.

Even so, there are Japanese characters in Hollywood that do not have the stereotypical hair color.

Haruka Abe as Akiko in Snake Eyes (2021)

Kelly Hu as Yuriko Oyama aka Lady Deathstrike in X-Men 2 (2003)

And there are other non-Japanese Asian characters without the stereotypical hair color.

Ming Na Wen as Melinda May in Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (2013-2020)

Jessica Henwick as Colleen Wing in Marvel’s Iron Fist (2017)

Claudia Kim as Helen Cho in Marvel’s Avengers Age of Ultron (2015)

Olivia Liang as Nicky Shen in CW’s Kung Fu (2021)

Yvonne Chapman as Zhilan in CW’s Kung Fu (2021)

Li Bingbing as Suyin in The Meg (2018)

Jing Tian as Shao Liwen in Pacific Rim Uprising (2018)

Angelababy as Rain Lao in Independence Day Resurgence (2016)

The list goes on but you get the idea, if you’ve watched enough Hollywood films, you’ll realize that not all of them portray a stereotypical badass Asian female with short colored hair, there’s plenty of them with natural long hair as well.  

Chloe Bennet as Daisy Johnson in Agents of SHIELD (2013-2020)

Besides, there are Asian women in real life with colored hair too, like Chinese American actress, Chloe Bennet and even the girl bands in Korea like BLACKPINK are hair colored. And I still love them all for who they are, Asians.

To me, I’m happy enough to actually see badass female Asian characters on screen, regardless of their hair color. Because to me, what matters is the character development, personalities and stories that comes along with it.

Of course, this is just my thoughts as I completely understand where the post comes from as everyone wants an actual representation without mixing them with stereotypes. But I guess, we’re off to good a start.

Having said that, go check out Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. Like every Marvel film, it’s worth watching and definitely awesome. No, I am not going to spoil it just yet and wait for some time before I put my review!

[hermannsthumb]

I know you don't usually write PRU stuff, but if you ever feel inclined, here's a ficlet idea! so: Newt is trying to fight off the Precursors by constantly reminding himself that He Is Human. but whenever newt thinks about what makes him Feel Human, the answer is always hermann. so newt starts conjuring up vivid mental images of hermann (doing mundane, hermann-y things) to ward off the Precursors. bonus point if, like, newt fondly remembering smth innocuous (like the scent of Hermann's chalk dust?) is enough to actually sever the alien mind control.

Anonymous asked: Maria!!! Would you ever write an angsty post uprising prompt? Or even a pre uprising? Anything with Newt fucking around with Kaiju and being sad i am HERE FOR 👏

in honor of the sequel’s 3 year anniversary, let’s try something a little different 👀 THIS ONE GOT AWAY FROM ME RE: LENGTH....I'll leave it up to interpretation whether or not the bonus is wholly fulfilled.... also on proofing this I realized it might need content warnings? so vague refs to disordered eating and alcohol drinking (ie, newt’s body is inhabited by aliens who forget how human stuff works)

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Honestly, Newt’s life has been kind of a shitshow lately. He’s too, like, high strung. Too many responsibilities. Not enough hours in the day to get that shit done. He’s even higher strung than he was during the war, which is nuts, because certain doom was lurking around every corner. Maybe that’s why it’s not that nuts, though. The war was chaotic—and Newt’s fueled (or, used to be fueled?) by chaos. The kaiju were unpredictable. The kaiju didn’t run on a 9-5 schedule. The kaiju didn’t expect Newt to have three new jaeger prototypes on their desk by noon on a fucking Saturday, which is usually the day Newt spends two hours in his expensive bath tub and drinks a nice bottle of wine, and definitely not a day he wants to spend giving himself a stress migraine and shouting at underlings to make themselves useful. On top of that, his usual cafe got his coffee order wrong—when Newt had to run in to get it, himself, on a Saturday morning—and it only had half the espresso shots he really needs for the day. No wonder he’s going grey at forty. Fucking nightmare. Stable employment is exactly the kind of chaos that’s bad for Newt—give him the kaiju any day, thanks.

“Dr. Geiszler?”

Newt pushes his sunglasses up, and scowls at whichever one of his employees has dared to interrupt his catnap. The fluorescent overheads are brutal on his poor eyes right now. The lab needs more natural lighting. Maybe if he complains, they’ll knock out some walls in put in a few more windows. “Did you find any Aspirin?” he says.

Wordlessly, Newt’s assistant passes him a bottle. Newt pops the cap off and takes at least four. The coffee he washes it down with is cold. “How are the last simulations coming along?” he says, flicking his sunglasses back down. He seems to have so many migraines these days. It’s the contact lenses, he thinks—making the switch over from frames so late in the game. Screwing with his perceptions. Newt went thirty years with frames, after all. “We only have two hours before—”

“We’re almost done,” his assistant cuts in. “We’re working as fast as we can, Dr. Geiszler.”

“But are we gonna make the deadline?” Newt says.

She fidgets, and moves her clipboard to her other arm. “Well—we’ve had some—issues.”

Newt stands up with a long sigh. Double overtime, probably. Sunday lost to this shit too. That new bottle of wine waiting for him on his kitchen counter bought for nothing. “Gotta do everything myself, huh? Unbelievable.”

He follows his assistant over to the main lab down the hall, where his team of j-techs are hurrying around. Hardly anyone in proper lab attire—no labcoats—someone in sweatpants—Newt wasn’t the only one who had his Saturday ruined, probably. No one else is going grey, though. “What’s this shit?” he says, stopping in his tracks with one foot through the doorway. The high-tech holo-smartboards have been pushed aside, and instead, someone’s wheeled in a huge…chalkboard.

“Technical issues,” his assistant says. “The other floors are having the same problem—something in the new interface update that downloaded last night, we think. They’re all out of commission. Technology is working on it, but for now, we had to pull that out of deep storage.”

Two of his scientists are scrawling across the board quickly—one with white chalk, the other with pink. They’re debating something in hushed tones. Newt hasn’t seen a chalkboard in years. It doesn’t fit with Shao Industry’s whole chic, sleek, futuristic aesthetic. So—bulky. And messy. “Of course it would happen today of all days,” Newt sighs. The sight of it makes him feel odd, and he can’t seem to drag himself any further into the lab and any closer towards it.

His assistant says something. Newt doesn’t hear—he’s listening, instead, to the squeaking of chalk across the blackboard. So noisy and obnoxious. It reminds him of years and years ago, of working in a grimy little basement, of…

“—look it over. Dr. Geiszler?”

“Hm?” Newt says. It was like a layer of fog had begun to lift from his thoughts, but the interruption sends it rolling right back in.

“I said we’re ready for you to look it over. Only if you want too, of course,” she adds, nervously.

“Uh-huh,” Newt says.

Newt’s never had anyone fear him before, not like his employees seem to fear him—he’s not sure he likes it. His scientists shut up the second he looms over (well—under, Newt’s never loomed over anyone in his life) their shoulders to inspect their work so far. The squeaking stops. One of them lowers their piece of chalk. “Wait,” Newt says, too-loudly, surprising them and himself. They both look at him with the same nervousness as his assistant, like he’s about to start shouting or something. “Keep doing that.”

“Keep…?”

“Writing,” Newt says. “On the chalkboard.”

The scientist frowns at him. “Um, okay,” she says. “What am I supposed to write?”

“Anything,” Newt says. “Seriously. Anything.”

She hesitates.

“Anything,” Newt repeats.

She picks up the white chalk, and writes out her name, then doodles a few random pictures—a DNA helix, a flower, a cat face, a star. Newt shuts his eyes, and breathes in deeply. That smell. He snags the forgotten piece of pink chalk from the ledge. “Can I have this?” he says. He doesn’t wait for them to respond—though they both nod yes frantically, and bewilderedly—before writing out his own name on the board. Dr. Geiszler. It looks wrong, so he writes Newt beneath it. He shuts his eyes, and writes Newt again. Why does he feel like he’s done this sort of thing before? This thing is ancient—before his time at Shao—he wouldn’t have used it before they carted off to the basement. Newt, Newt, Newt Was Here,he writes, Newt +, and then he stops.

He opens his eyes. “Who’s Hermann?” his assistant says.

Newt + Hermann. Newt didn’t realize he wrote it. “Someone I knew,” he says, faintly. “Years ago. He was my—” He swallows. He feels strange. “My colleague?”

Strange. Dizzy. The Aspirin isn’t working. Definitely the contact lenses. He could afford laser eye surgery now, if he wanted, maybe he should look into it. He grips the ledge of the chalkboard, swaying, and grits his teeth; his two scientists back away from him slowly, no doubt worried he’s about to hurl all over their shoes. He might, to be honest. Newt + Hermann. Hermann was his colleague. Hermann was his— “Are you feeling okay, Dr. Geiszler?” his assistant asks. “You look…”

“Tell Shao I’m taking the rest of the day off,” Newt says.

“What?”

“You guys got this shit handled without me,” Newt says. He pockets the chalk. “I’m not—I’m not feeling myself. I think I need to go home and lie down. Seriously, you’ve got it under control—all these numbers look, uh, good, I trust you. If you guys don’t get it finished you can just tell Shao it’s my fault, okay?”

She gapes at him. “Uh,” she says. “Okay?”

Newt doesn’t go home. He goes to the nearest shop he can find instead, and makes a beeline for the art supplies aisle. Only a few boxes of chalk in stock. Four multicolored, two all-white, one yellow. He drops them all into his basket but the yellow, which he rips opens and immediately smells. Newt + Hermann. Hermann always smelled like chalk dust—he always had a fine layer of it on his clothing, patches of it on his blazer, his sweatervest, even on his undershirt. Newt used to tease him for that. He closes his eyes, and breathes in again. Funny—all those baths, all those bottles of wine, and this stupid little box of chalk is what’s finally making him feel calm for once. Quieting down his brain. He didn’t realize how loud it’d gotten in there. When Hermann would kiss Newt, he would sometimes stain Newt’s clothing with chalk, too, and Newt would pretend to be annoyed, but he never really was.

Someone is speaking to him. An employee. They’re staring at him, a cautious distance away, and Newt’s not sure what they’re saying.

His vision’s gone blurry—he didn’t realize he’d started crying, either. He wipes his eyes on the cuff of his blazer and sniffles. “Sorry,” he says. The box of yellow chalk is wet. “Um. Do you have any more of these in the back?”

He takes the bus home for the first time in years, one hand stuffed in his little brown shopping bag the whole time, wrapped around a box of chalk. When he gets back to his apartment (his big, lonely, apartment), he pulls out the only food in his fridge—some leftovers from a Shao Industries event three nights ago—and settles down on his big, lonely couch. He can’t stop thinking about Hermann. Five or so years, maybe more, not thinking about Hermann, and now suddenly—it’s like the floodgates have opened. He thinks about Hermann’s haircut. (Bad.) He thinks about Hermann’s smile. (Silly, and sweet.) He thinks about Hermann’s dumb accent, and the clack of Hermann’s cane on the floor, and Hermann’s chalk squeaking over his chalkboard, and how it felt when Hermann would wrap him in his arms and kiss him and whisper things to him. Hermann’s sweaters always smelled like mothballs and stale cigarette smoke. Terrible combination.

Newt’s stomach growls. He’s finished the small bit of leftovers without realizing, and is apparently still hungry. He would kill for some sushi takeout right now. Or pizza, God. Yeah, it’d be screwing with his new diet and fitness plan—he casts a guilty glance over at his brand new exercise bike, which is gathering dust in the corner by his TV—but he’s tired of doing stupid kale and juice cleanses or whatever, just to please—well. He’s only human.

He is?

He walks up the stairs to his bathroom, and stares at himself in the mirror. Stupid vest. Stupid tie. Neat hair, clean-shaven cheeks, contact lenses. Newt’s only human. “I’m human,” he tells his reflection. Is he human? He felt human standing by that old chalkboard back in the lab, and holding that box of yellow chalk in the aisle of that little shop. He felt human when he was remembering things. Because of—Newt blinks at himself. Because of whom?

“Hermann,” he says, and smiles at the way the name makes him feel. He should text him, maybe.

-------------

“I must say,” Hermann says, “I was quite surprised when I received your dinner invitation. You’ve done a rather fine job of ignoring my calls as of late. I’d thought— Ah, thank you,” he adds, as Newt holds the door open for him. He steps into Newt’s apartment and cranes his neck around, squinting curiously, and then shoves a bottle of red wine at Newt’s chest. Hermann is much more personable than Newt remembers—what little Newt remembers—and he wonders if it’s age or something else. “I’ve been holding onto this one for a while. It’s the one you gave me as a part of a gift for my thirty-seventh birthday—you remember? Oh, but isn’t it so terrifically, er, modern in here.”

“Is it?” Newt says. He’s never given much thought to his apartment before, but he stares around at it now in mild interest. It is very chic, isn’t it? Monochrome. Impersonal. Not something Newt would’ve picked for himself. “Yeah, I had some interior decorators come in and do it for me.”

Hermann arches an eyebrow. “How…”

“Modern,” Newt offers. He puts the bottle of wine on his marble kitchen island. “Thanks for this, by the way, but I’ve actually been trying to cut back on the—” He bites back drinking. No need to alarm Hermann. “—Calories, so if it’s cool with you I’d rather not open it. I’m doing a, um, a new fitness program.”

“Ah,” Hermann says. “I suppose that explains that, then, doesn’t it?” He points at the dusty exercise bike. Newt watches his gaze move from that, to the barren leather couch, to the short staircase which leads to Newt’s shut bedroom door. Newt can practically see the gears working in his head. “Will—ah, what was their name, that little flight of fancy of yours—a dalliance, one might say—will they be, ah, joining the two of us?” He looks at Newt out of the corner of his eye. “Alice, was it?”

“Who?” Newt says, blankly.

Hermann breaks out in a broad grin, which he quickly tries, very badly, to turn into a sympathetic frown. He pats Newt’s arm. “There’s the spirit, then, Newton! All in the past, I presume? Hardly any use in dwelling on a broken heart. Then again—it’s not as if you were together long enough to warrant those sorts of dramatics, were you?” he says, cheerily. “What I mean is—certainly it wasn’t as if you had any sort of deep or emotional connection with—?—oh, I’ve forgotten the name again.”

“Uh,” Newt says. He’s not really sure who Hermann’s talking about, but just based on that fact alone, he would assume Hermann is right. “I guess not?”

“Precisely as I expected,” Hermann says, with a satisfied nod. “Rotten grounds for a relati—for a fling. You deserve far better, Newton.” Hermann touches Newt’s arm again, and this time, he doesn’t move his hand. It makes Newt’s skin prickle pleasantly. “You look well these days, though I admit it’s a bit of a shock to see you without your glasses,” Hermann continues, flicking his eyes up and down Newt twice. He lingers on Newt’s left hand, over the bare spot where—until this morning, when he suddenly realized how stupid it looked and yanked it off—he was wearing that Elvis ring. “Ending things must be treating you kindly. I don’t suppose I could dash to your loo?”

“Loo?” Newt says. “Oh, right. Yeah, it’s that door there, right off the living room.” He drops down onto the leather couch. “Knock yourself out. I’ll be right here.”

Hermann disappears into Newt’s bathroom, and comes back out three minutes later with combed hair, a straightened collar, and the vague smell of cologne. He’s tucking a small bottle into his top pocket. “I found a box of hair dye in your medicine cabinet,” he declares, smugly. “I knew there was no bloody way that was natural. Though I’m not surprised it fooled Alice.” He rests his cane against the glass coffee table and sits down next to Newt. Right next to Newt. The whole sofa to pick from, and he’d rather their thighs touch. Newt doesn’t mind—actually, the contact is strangely grounding, like Hermann’s hand on his arm had been earlier. He’s here, in his living room, with Hermann, his friend Hermann, his colleague Hermann, his—well, question mark—Hermann.

“Hermann, can I ask you something?” he says. “Something important?”

“By all means,” Hermann says, leaning in and fluttering his eyelashes. Even over the cologne, Newt can still make out that mothball-chalk-smoke smell.

“Do you take your coffee with sugar?” he says.

Hermann laughs. “Do I—what?”

Newt repeats the question. The smile slips off Hermann’s face, and he draws away, furrowing his eyebrows. “Well,” he says, “yes, usually, only I’m not sure what—”

“Sugar, and some milk,” Newt says. “It was the same with your tea. And you had a mug that you would use—you wouldn’t use any other. It was blue, and it said—” He exhales through his nose. “It said TU Berlin. That’s where you got your PhD.”

After Newt sent Hermann a text about dinner last night, he sat down with a pen and pad of paper and made a list of everything he could remember about Hermann. He started with what Hermann looks like, and who Hermann is, and then moved into the harder stuff like what Hermann likes and the sort of things Hermann used to do. He stayed up all night doing it, until his hand cramped and his head hurt even more than it had that morning, and then recited it over and over to himself in a whisper as he fell asleep. Hermann has brown eyes. Hermann likes blackberry jam on his toast. Hermann wears little glasses on a chain. Hermann uses a cane with a tiny little nick in the brass of the handle. The list is in his pocket now; it makes Newt feel calm, and even calmer when he reaches into his pocket and touches it. He exhales again, hard, and then inhales. “We were together,” he says. “When we closed the Breach, you told me you loved me.”

“I did,” Hermann says, quietly.

“I said it back,” Newt says.

Hermann nods.

Slowly, Newt reaches out and puts his hand over Hermann’s. Hermann makes a strange noise in the back of his throat—like a sigh, or maybe a groan. His pulse twitches erratically under Newt’s fingertips. “I bought chalk,” Newt says.

“You—” Hermann echoes, his voice choked. “You bought chalk?”

“It reminded me of you,” Newt says.

He’s not surprised when Hermann kisses him, but he is surprised at his knee-jerk reaction: to pull away, or push Hermann away, and to order him to get out of his apartment. He’s surprised, because those aren’t his thoughts. He doesn’t want Hermann to leave—he wants Hermann to stay longer, and kiss him more, and help him remember more. “Oh, Newton,” Hermann says. “Newton, Newton—” He moves his mouth to Newt’s neck, kissing, breathing, and whispering his name, and Newt shuts his eyes and forces himself to remember his list.

“Tell me things about you,” Newt begs. “I want to remember you.”

Hermann’s laughter, hesitant and confused, comes out in a puff of hot air against his skin. “Remember me?” he says. “I’m not sure— Are we not a bit—?”

“Hermann,” Newt says.

He grips the back of Hermann’s sweater, digging his nails in Hermann’s skin through the layers of fabric. Hermann must hear the urgency in his voice, because he shakes his head with another laugh, kisses Newt’s jaw, and says, “Well, alright. What am I even meant to tell you?”

“Your favorite color,” Newt says. Hermann kisses his chin. “Your favorite song. No, wait—” He nudges Hermann away from him, just enough so that Hermann can see him smile. “Tell me what you like about me.”

“Feeling rather egotistical tonight, aren’t we?” Hermann teases. He reaches out and brushes his fingers through the side of Newt’s hair. One of the spots Newt dyed—it was too grey. He catches Hermann’s hand by the wrist and pulls it away gently, but only to press himself up against Hermann’s chest instead. He can feel Hermann’s heartbeat. “I like—hm,” Hermann says. “I like your stubbornness. I like your passion. I like…”

His voice vibrates in his throat—Newt can feel that, too. He listens.

[shadowfae]

1- Not much tbh, just what you've posted, and 2- To be honest I quite like your long answers. It can definitely wait though, you should get some sleep.

Is your warpriest link a constant thing? Does it ever fade into the background? I'm contemplating forming a second link, something happier than my copinglink, and I'm not sure how to tell when to tell when the line of a link vs a persona is crossed when not worn out of necessity.

And the original ask so I have it on hand. I did take a look at your original context, and if you're cool with it, I'll edit this post with a link for those who may find this is a useful answer and need that on hand. Otherwise, it'll stay a mystery.

But yes, it seems like my Sabe experiences would be a useful thing to talk about here. And in order to do that, I need to go over four things: who and what Sabe is, why he exists the way that he does, what that does for me, and lastly what I think he is in terms of terminology and why.

To start, here is his toyhou.se profile, if you want to read more about his actual story and thoughts and whatnot. But I doubt you'll have the necessary context for that, so let me go into it. RuneScape (RS) is one of the oldest MMORPGs in existence. WoW might be older but I doubt it. Basically it's a medieval magic fantasy that's very long running and you the player end up the World Guardian, aka the guy that stops the gods (who are very powerful folks who just don't die of natural causes and typically stand for some philosophy) from blowing the world up because Guthix, the dead god of balance, asked you to. Well, he voluntold you. And that makes you a major chess piece, Elder Gods get involved, it's a big mess.

But before all that happened, back in 2006 when I was introduced to the game and very shitty at it, well. I liked the lore insofar that I've always liked the lore, it was interesting and I liked thinking about it. I didn't have membership and I sucked at playing so I just read the wiki and the God Letters over and over and sometimes the Postbag from the Hedge. Alongside my two friends, we played at being children of the then-triad of main gods: Saradomin, Guthix, and Zamorak.

I liked Zamorak best, but I didn't think his ideas would be the best for society as a whole, so I ended up playing child of Guthix. Eventually we grew up and grew apart but every couple of years I'd go back to RuneScape, read the lore, settle on what choices I'd make if I could play, and think about being the player character. In 2010 I discovered a fic - dawn by khayr, it's on Ao3 and dA - about Iban, son of Zamorak, right around when I was reading Percy Jackson. Cue him showing up as a soulbond and an older brother figure and guiding me right up until the end of sixth grade. Iban got me through the ruthless bullying that would later set the stage for all my major suicidal-ideation and self-hatred for the entirety of high school: even then, I was more stable than I might've been otherwise, because he interfered.

Saradomin stands for strength through order. Procedures and law and diplomacy and war strategy. He was originally kind of a ripoff of the Christian god, but he's grown to be more of an order-over-peace character and is quite well-written. Guthix stands for strength through balance, and has been all over the board in terms of what he's done and will do. He's kind of a dick, actually, but his heart's in the right place.

Zamorak, as you've heard, is strength through chaos and personal strife. It's no "the strong over the weak" or "the strong take care of the weak", it's flat-out "everyone is strong, and just need the right circumstances to tap into it to be the best they can possibly be". Now, his philosophy is kind of more for warriors and scholars, but if you tilt your head, it applies to everyone. Chronically ill folks will find their chaos in fighting to get up every day and maintain a life. Folks in traumatizing, abusive situations find that chaos in their very survival. Scholars challenge themselves and their fellows and their predecessors trying to find the answers they so need. Nobody in lockstep, no such thing as "we've always done it this way."

A lot of human Zamorakians and Saradominist propaganda says that Zamorak is simply absolute evil: and to be fair, when most of that was written, he kinda was because he was based loosely on the Christian devil. Later writing says that they're typically mistaken on that. Zamorak isn't evil. The very first thing he did upon becoming a god was fulfill a promise and lead a slave rebeliion. (The Avernic uprising, if anyone's curious.) He stands for the downtrodden and says "You are never going to get your dignity by going through the motions and trying to peacefully show you're worth respect. Burn some shit down and prove that you won't stand for this bullshit."

Zamorak in a Saradominist's eyes is someone whose banner you wear when you want to be a crazy murderer. Zamorak in a Zamorakian's eyes is the singing voice who murmurs "Get up, this isn't enough to kill you, you can still do this," when transphobic laws get passed or you hear a slur thrown your way on the street.

And as someone who grew up queer and nonhuman, yeah, that resonates, and the older I get the more I think "Guthixian philosophy is best for a society at large, but Zamorakianism for individuals is good." Because Zamorakianism can't really apply on a theocratic level. It really doesn't. It turns into American bootstrap culture and no social services and all that shitty stuff.

The funny thing is that Zamorak himself has no issues helping out if he thinks you need it. (If he didn't, he wouldn't be cool with asking for help, or giving it when he's asked. Which he does do repeatedly so. The man has more kindness in him than people want to admit.) What I do find fascinating is what he thinks of the actions of some of his longtime subordinates, who clearly support him, but I don't think support his actual philosophy. Because if you ask me, he'd side with the downtrodden humans of Meiyerditch, not the vampire lords that treat them like cattle. He's proven that he likes humans, and doesn't see them as unworthy. I do wonder if Jagex will show us what he might do about that.

Either way. Ahem. Over the course of a decade and a half, I keep going back to RuneScape, refining my philosophy and side, thinking again what I would do playing the game proper. About... I want to say five years ago, Jagex opened up the Sixth Age and I finally noticed, and they rewrote every god's philosophy because they wanted every single one to be actually playable. Not just "hurr durr evil" but actually have a logical line of thought. They probably didn't have pop culture paganism in mind, but the gods of RS are incredibly well-suited to it.

Well, I found that out, and immediately went through every god's philosophy, and reasoned my way through it. What does a worshipper of this god look like? What sort of life would they lead? If i apply this to me, what does that look like from that perspective? Do I understand this? Is it comfortable to exist in?

And as it turns out, I understand Zamorak the most, followed a close second by Armadyl, which was quite surprising. Zaros remains incomprehensible and I don't trust like that. (That's another story.) So I thought about it more, and it stuck even when I wandered off to different fandoms and interests. But what happened was that I ended up internalizing it, unknowingly and without meaning to.

It meant that when, two years later, I ended up in a horrific and traumatizing situation, the anchor I hit that held me together was a mixture of being a Devil - I am a fucking God you will obey me and recognize my power - and Zamorak's core philosophy: this cannot kill me, this cannot stop me, this is pure fucking hell and I am going to laugh in the face of death because people are forged in hellfire and I will walk away knowing what I'm made of.

And I was right. Honestly, out of everyone who was there with me, I think I'm the only one that was that deeply entrenched and walked out without trauma. I do not believe I could have done that had I not internalized Zamorak's philosophy. (That isn't to say if the others had that philosophy they wouldn't be traumatized, because there were absolutely other factors I wouldn't know about and some that I do and didn't do them any favours; but I am saying that it saved my ass and without it, I might not have been okay.)

I walked out of that with zero regrets. Zero. Even now, I don't regret a thing. Because it doesn't matter what happened or how much I was lied to or if he deserved my kindness. I know what I perceived to be happening, and I know how I reacted, and when the pieces were down I was stronger than steel, gave kindness without considering the cost, and I walked away unscathed.

How many people can say they've looked death in the eye and laughed? More than there should be, not too many that knowing what I'm capable of when put into pure chaos isn't somehow impressive. Because it is. And Zamorak's words proved themselves, or rather, I proved him entirely correct.

And when I last went back to RuneScape, and thought about it with enough time to put it all into hindsight, well. Aw, shit, he was right. Then vaguely around that time I went back and read Dawn, which was unfinished, tracked down the author and demanded to know how it fucking ended. (She told me and we're still friends like three years later. xD) Then I went back and found my old OCs, and decided fuck it, I'm making my own World Guardian.

So first thing I did was log in and jump over to the Makeover Mage and make myself into a boy. Kept the plateskirt though, I wanted to have the RS equivalent of a limp wrist to prove I'm Very Queer. Then I went about remaking my character. I wanted to make a self-insert, I was old enough to know it wasn't cringey, it was just fun, but I didn't want to use my default avatar with the black hair over one eye and the Chaorruption. I wanted to make a new self-insert based in nothing I was already using.

So I made the most beautiful man I could! Long, dark brown hair, pretty semi-dark skin, looked Kharidian, and then I said fuck it and made him Zamorak's youngest son. Originally, he was adopted when he was young by Iban and Clivet, and suffered serious imposter syndrome when being WG meant he'd never get demigod powers. But as I grew more confident in myself, he ended up getting powers? And then eventually I rewrote his backstory, and then wrote about his mother, and her relationship with Zamorak, and then he had friends like Blaire and Icthlarin (who was also my furry awakening, rip me).

Then with the most recently questline I've been getting a bit more into RS magical theory, and I've been mulling it over lots, and Seanan McGuire's Middlegame definitely helped; and I figured out how I wanted him to handle being World Guardian: it didn't make sense for him to be openly Zamorak's son, the other gods would just target his family to manipulate him. So I had him play neutral openly and Zamorakian to his friends, effectively living a double life.

Then he just looked up one day and said "Oh, by the way, my father won't acknowledge me to keep me safe but I don't know that so we have a very unsteady relationship because I don't know if he loves me", and then Children of Mah came out, and he was all "Oh and I think I just got disowned (I didn't, Zamorak was protecting me, but I don't know that) so my relationship with Zamorak is Fucking Shitty" and he was stuck that way until I figured out how to save their relationship.

It culminated in Sabe not knowing how his Mahjarrat powers worked and guessing, and hating himself for being half-and-half, and missing everything about being a Mahjarrat, and literally you couldn't have gotten more obvious in order to tell me I was having Fucking Issues coming to terms with the fact I didn't have any understanding or knowledge of my own heritage, but whatever, eventually I noticed that.

And as I've been working to understand myself and my heritage, so too has Sabe been doing that with his Mahjarrat heritage. But for the longest time, no matter how I put him and Zamorak in the same room in a scene to try and get them to talk it out, it wasn't working. Something wasn't right. Sabe resented being World Guardian, hated having to betray his family, didn't know if he was wanted, and hated himself for having to kill Mah, the mother of his species.

Not that long ago, a few months actually, he informed me (which is my shorthand for 'I suddenly figured out this happened, and it genuinely feels like remembering that one fucking word you have on the tip of your tongue, I always knew and just forgot for a while') that no, he'd been ripped in two by a hope devourer, brought to his father's stronghold, and Zamorak split his magic between mortal and divine in order to get around his godproofing and heal him. Zamorak's intense worry for his youngest son was what caused Sabe to break down and tell him honestly what was going on and how he was feeling, which caused Zamorak to do the same, and they finally, finally made up.

A week later, I noticed the connection between Sabe's Mahjarrat issues and my Irish issues, and started to wonder if he was a linktype.

I mean... he's a self-insert. He makes the choices I would, the me in the here and now, that I think are best. He's not a person I was and still know myself to be, he's not someone I grow into, he's not living his life beside me like a shadow. He's me, choosing the things I do, because I say so. But he's also me in the things he reflects, the things he struggles with, and things I had zero fucking conscious input on.

Sabe is the person I am when a crisis hits and I have to deal with the chaos. Sabe is the person I am when I need to lead. Sabe is the person I am when I am desperate to be known and loved by those I consider family. Sabe is the person I am when I want to be sure in where I came from, where I will return to, and the things that I will always be. Sabe is a man of darkness who knows the light as an acquaintance and nothing more, who is cruel and careless and kind.

Sabe is a warpriest of Zamorakian philosophy, because it took me twenty fucking years to put into words how I see the world, and now that I know, I will argue them to death and use them to help others. Drakath may have wanted a messiah to share the hivemind with others. Sabe is a warpriest, spreading the word and calling home the broken and the damned. He is the Last Rider, not the last of the Ilujanka but the one who keeps riding towards the chaos and never falls, no matter what.

Some of who Sabe is I have conscious input on. A whole lot of him was unintentional and perfectly reflects me.

So when it comes to terminology... I don't know what he is. A self-insert, yes. A linktype, maybe. A kintype, also maybe. Sabe doesn't feel like my past linktypes, because Sabe isn't always catharsis and comfort. Until he made up with his dad, Sabe was brutal and hurt a lot and constantly yearning for his foundation and slowly going mad. It wasn't fun. I just refused to do anything but see the story through. I was going to get it right. I wanted to see it to the end. I wanted to be the Last Rider, even though I didn't phrase it that way.

But to answer your actual question, of what he feels like when I'm not actively being him out of necessity, desire, and active thought. If it fades into the background.

And like... it can? Sabe as he is, recognized for what and who he is, is kind of a new thing. Sabe as a concept is very old, but Sabe as what he is right now is new, and confusing, and honestly I'm still trying to figure out what to make of it.

Like, seriously. Sabe is Zamorak's son. Am I Zamorak's son? Is he keeping an eye on me as I am? Would he be proud of me? Would he offer his approval of my progress? Does that make me, in some way, the World Guardian?

I have not a clue, buddy. Not a goddamn clue.

So what it means is that I've been paying attention, really. I don't just become strong in times of crisis. I've been trying to do better. Be better. Learn, and listen, and rethink myself. Break out of lockstep, of doing things the way I've always done them. Try to always do better than I did, build habits I like, stop waiting for things to change and just do it. Become the chaos, instead of waiting for it to hit me.

It means I need to live up to what Guthix told Sabe to do. It means being gentler, being kinder, not burning bridges when I'm not sure. It means keeping an eye out for any sign Zamorak's listening, in case I am his son, in case I really have to decide what I'm gonna do about being the son of chaos incarnate.

But other than the questioning, what it feels like is just... what I was already dealing with, just a little more at arm's length and easier to deal with. Once I recognize that his issues are reflective of mine, if I solve his, I have a pretty good idea of how to solve mine. Some of it won't work exactly right - Zamorak will always forgive him for not being the son he expected he might have had, my own parents may not, yay I'm queer and pagan - but it's a good rule of thumb.

It's also just comforting to know that when in doubt, nothing can kill me, because I simply refuse to die. I am World Guardian, I am a demigod of chaos incarnate, all the hellfire in the world can do nothing but strengthen me. And if I present those to myself as unshakeable beliefs, because for Sabe they are, then I'll be okay. It probably couldn't stop most disasters or tragedies, but I got hit by a car, broke five bones, and walked away with a record recovery time, so I mean... I can't prove that I can't die by some accident or tragedy, but you also can't prove that I can. (Trying to do so usually falls under what we call 'murder', and I personally believe I can't be murdered. Only assassinated.)

But really, I think the worst that could possibly happen with a new linktype is that you learn what not to do. It's new, it's scary, it's chaotic, and from where I'm standing, that's the best way to learn.

[duhragonball]

Cult Classic

I had a really exhausting week, so I’m going to try to chill out by writing this thing about cults that’s been bouncing around in my head since... oh, like January 6th?   For some reason?     But it’s also about my insanely long OC fanfic slash vanity project slash concept album.  Join me, won’t you?

Okay, so back in... geez 2018?   Has it been that long?   Around October 2018 I started working out the details for the big climax of the “1000 years ago” section of my fanfic.  From the start I had this idea that the Legendary Super Saiyan would be locked into a death struggle with pretty much the entire Saiyan population, led by a Saiyan King who just can’t handle being upstaged.   But I had to figure out a lot of details to make that actually work.   What I finally ended up with was the Jindan Cult. 

Why a cult?  Because I wanted my King character to be the main villain, but also be physically weaker, but also he needed to be powerful enough to challenge the heroine. I came up with all these different ways to beef up his power level without making him a Super Saiyan himself, but ultimately I wanted him to have an army of Siayans at his back.   That led me to consider some sort of magic elixir that would make them all stronger, but especially the king, since he’s ultimately in this for himself.  At first, I considered having him mind-control all of his goons, but I spent the mind control nickel in earlier arcs, and I’ll have to use it again later, because Towa and Demigra use it.   Then I thought of drug addiction, which is sort of like mind control but not literal brainwashing or anything like that.  And that led me to the cult concept.  

One major inspiration for me was the real-life cult called “NXIVM”, which made the news back in 2018 when their leaders started getting arrested, including “Smallville” star Allison Mack.   Every time I read about it, it felt like something from a movie, but it was real.   I guess the celebrity angle made it more bizarre to me, because it’s sort of like “Hey, this isn’t just some group of randos; someone you’ve heard of is in this thing.”   Not that I ever paid much attention to “Smallville”, but you get the idea.  She didn’t just join NXIVM, she eventually became one of the top recruiters.   Some of the character arcs in my fic were my own attempt to understand how a person goes from Point A to Point B. 

The big plot hole, though, in my mind, was that I came up with this whole master plan for the bad guys, but it involved sending wave after wave of Saiyan cultists to die in pointless, unwinnable battles against Luffa.    I couldn’t have them win much, because if they beat her, they’d just kill her, and the story would be over.    It struck me as fishy that these Saiyans would sign up for a war where the casualty rate is 100%, but I tried to lampshade it as best I could.   “Yeah, all those other chumps couldn’t beat Luffa, but I’ll pull it off because I’m special!”   It still seemed a bit unlikely.  

But then 2020 happened, and I guess the main thing I learned from that year was that people will accept almost anything in order to believe a comfortable lie.  The joke I’ve seen on the internet is that we need to retire the expression “avoid it like the plague”, because it turns out a lot of people don’t actually avoid plagues very well at all.   The horrifying thing about COVID-19 is how easily people will accept the climbing death tolls.   “Oh, well this person was already in bad health, so they would have died eventually anyway.”   I don’t want to get too political here, but I’m pretty sure a lot of the anti-mask, coronavirus-is-a-hoax crowd are the same people who made up tall tales about “death panels” in Obamacare.    “They’re gonna euthanize your grandma!” they would say, but now they say your grandma is acceptable losses if it means reopening bars and restaurants.

Actually, I do mean to get political, because holy fuck, Qanon stormed the Capitol Building.    Look, if you don’t believe Joe Biden won the election, I don’t know what to tell you, except please get far away from me, right now.  If you’re not familiar with Qanon, a few years ago some guy on an image board posted a bunch of cryptic messages and claimed to be an important government figure who would know about important things.    People started “deciphering” his “clues” and when he stopped posting new ones they started inventing their own “clues” and interpreting them any way that suited them.    This led to an overarching narrative that Donald Trump was actually part of this massive sting operation to arrest hundreds, maybe thousands of left-wing politicians, celebrities, and whoever else.    Any day now, he was supposed to have Hilary Clinton arrested, and also JFK Junior would somehow show up and help him, even though he’s been dead for 22 years.  Every day, these Qanon guys would add on more bizarre lore to their “theories”, and every day none of their predictions would come true.  Then Trump lost the election, which put them in a bind, because their whole mythology is based on the idea of him saving the world as POTUS, and now he wasn’t even going to be POTUS for much longer.  

I’m pretty sure this had a lot to do with the lies about election fraud.    Trump himself refused to accept defeat, and his supporters didn’t want to accept it either, so they all told each other that it wasn’t real, and they believed each other so much that they dug in their heels.   But then they’d take this stuff to court and the judge would be like “Uh, what evidence do you have of mass voter fraud?” and they would just be like “lol nvm!”  I mean, if there was proof for any of this, why would they not want a judge to see it?   But for Qanon, it was more than just being sore losers.    They needed all their whackamaroo predictions to come true, and Trump losing re-election would upset the applecart.  

So then they started telling themselves that they could win this thing through the boring certification process.   I think it was like, December 14 when all the states had to certify their results.   So they held out hope that nothing was over until then.    Then they pinned their hopes on the Electoral College, and that there would be enough faithless electors to hand Trump the victory, in spite of the voters.   I found this one amusing, since I used to see tumblr suggesting the same thing back in 2016, when they were still trying to come up with ways for Bernie Sanders to win.  

Then they decided Mike Pence could fix everything, because on Jan 6, Congress would officially count the Electoral Votes and formally declare the winner, and Mike Pence would step in and overrule the whole thing, because the Vice-President oversees that process.    Except he just oversees it, he can’t legally change the outcome, especially on a whim.    And then the riot at the Capitol happened, and I’m pretty sure all these Qanon types thought it would mark the beginning of a nationwide uprising, with all seventy-odd million Trump voters going apeshit, but it... didn’t work out that way.  

Then they convinced themselves that everything was building to January 20, because the innauguration was actually a clever trap, and once Joe Biden took the oath of office, he could then be arrested for treason, so you see, they had to make it look like Trump lost the election, because it was the only way to fool Joe Biden into incriminating himself... or... something.   But Jan 20 came and went, so the latest fallback position I heard was that there’s a double-secret REAL inauguration day, and it’s in March, and the January 20 one isn’t legitimate, even though Trump was inaugurated on January 20, 2016, but whatever.    That, or the guy we see in the White House now is actually Trump disguised as Joe Biden, or a Joe Biden android or something.   

I think I sort of understood that Qanon is a cult, but I didn’t really put the pieces together until the events of January unfolded.    Pre-November, it just seemed like a conspiracy theory, without any real timetables or prophecies, like Flat Earth.    But once the end of the Trump Administration was in sight, it really started to look like all the doomsday cults I’ve heard about over the years.  The predicted events wind up failing to come true, and they invent new predictions to explain away the old ones.   It’s not about the veracity of the claims as much as the claims themselves.    People want to believe there’s this whole elaborate explanation for everything.    They wanted to believe that Trump was this hypercompetent superheroic messiah, because the alternative is to face the uncertain reality: that he had no idea what he was doing, and real people were going to suffer for it.  

I think I sort of worked that idea into my fictional cult, but I backed into it.   NXIVM was a sex cult, not a doomsday cult, or an elaborate conspiracy theory, so I was mostly fixated on all the depraved things the cult could do to its members.   But they all share the same lure: a belief system that promises to make everything fit. I’m not sure what the hook was for NXIVM, but Allison Mack didn’t go in thinking about how much fun sex trafficking would be.   That came later, after she was convinced that NXIVM had all the answers, and one of those answers involved sex crimes, apparently.   In the same vein, Qanon attempted to explain mass arrests and executions by claiming that Hilary Clinton eats babies or something.   “Well, I don’t want babies to get eaten, so I guess breaking into the Capitol building seems like a reasonable course of action.”  

Weighed against real life, a bunch of Saiyans accepting a 100% casualty rate doesn’t seem so outrageous.   It also helps that sometimes the leaders of these groups can buy into their own hype, and think they’re infallible when they’re really not.    This week, I started reading the Darth Plagueis novel again, and I’ve seen the Sith from Star Wars referred to as a cult, but I never gave it a lot of thought until I noticed that Plagueis buys into the whole Dark Side of the Force thing a little too hard.   At times, he’ll wax philosophical about how the Jedi are the real bad guys when you think about it, and he’s not just saying that to be manipulative.   He honestly believes that the Sith can save the galaxy from decline, which is stupid and hypocritical, because they’re the ones causing all the decline.    I always got the impression that Darth Sidious understood that it was all about accumulating power as an end unto itself, and any high-minded talk of necessary evil was just to keep the rubes in line.    Rise of Skywalker plays into that idea nicely.   He somehow survived Episode VI, but he let the Empire collapse, because if he can’t rule it, he doesn’t want it to exist at all.   But he’s still playing himself, because he thinks he can win by following the same failed ideology that got all the previous Sith Lords killed.   

That’s pretty much all I have to say about it right now.    I need to move on to other topics, because Towa’s not doing a cult thing, so my fic is moving in a different direction.   But I feel better for getting this out of my head.

[travllingbunny]

The 100: 7x07 The Queen’s Gambit

I owe you all the reviews for episodes 7x07, 7x08 and 7x09, the only ones I didn’t have the time to write after the episodes aired. (I only posted My authentic live reactions to 7x07.) Now I’m on my annual leave (since yesterday... well, technically, from tomorrow) so finally I’m gonna post them before the show returns. During this mini hiatus, @jeanie205​ and me have been doing a joint rewatch of season 7, and we’ve reached 7x08 (which I’ll be posting a review of tomorrow).

Unpopular opinion - I quite liked this one. Roughly on the same level as the previous two episodes, maybe even slightly more as there was nothing major that really bugged me this time. I like it when the show takes a break from the plot and exposition to focus on characters, and this one had some character moments I really enjoyed (in particular for Emori, Octavia, Diyoza and Hope) and the show addressed some of the long-standing issues I’ve had with some of the previous events (such as Octavia’s beating of Bellamy in season 3 or Madi taking the Flame in season 5). It certainly helps that Emori and Diyoza have always been among my favorite characters and that Octavia has become one of my favorites with her amazing development over the last few seasons. One of those “addressing previous issues” things was the Becho flashback (as the lack of flashbacks for that relationship has been rightfully criticized) was OK and in line with what we know of this relationship. Even Nelson’s characterization made sense this time.

There are a couple of things I’m not sure how I feel about, and the big “reveal” at the end was hardly a reveal to anyone in the hardcore fandom, but was still necessary. The pacing of this season hasn’t been the best for sure, but I think I wouldn’t have had any problems if the momentum from the end of this episode - with Clarke and co. arriving on Bardo and learning about Bellamy’s “death”, followed by Cadogan being woken up from the cryo sleep -  and the backdoor pilot was followed by getting directly into present day action and involving Clarke and the rest of the Nakara group in what’s going on. I think it was mostly 7x09 and the completely unnecessary flashbacks that really ruined it and made me lose patience with the season.

I loved the mother/daughter conversation between the two Dizoyas in this episode, which was emotional and also touched on the show’s crucial themes of violence and morality. These two haven’t seen each other in what was just about a month for the mother, but 15 years for the daughter. Diyoza is treating Hope as a child, because that is what she is for her, which frustrates Hope - a dynamic that many will find familiar - though in this case, it’s a bit more understandable as Diyoza hasn’t seen Hope since she was 10, and secondly, she is right that Hope is still naive in some respects as she hasn’t had a chance to meet that many people and experience that much. But that is partly a consequence of Diyoza sheltering Hope from the knowledge about her own life before Skyring. (Hope even threw Dev in her face - explicitly calling him her father - as her other parent figure, one who did teach her to fight and try to prepare her for the real world.) And Diyoza getting upset that Hope came to Bardo to rescue her  - as she saw it her role to save her (“I was coming to save you”) was not logical - she knows how time dilation works, so she should know that Hope would have been long dead by that time, if she hadn’t come to Bardo. Hope was right when she pointed out that the real problem is that her mother wanted Hope to be innocent, the way she isn’t, and that she is upset to see that Hope has become a killer, too. Diyoza was driven both to protect Hope in the physical sense and to protect her innocence - and, as she finally admits here, she wanted Hope to see her in a different light than everyone else does. We’ve already seen in season 6 that Diyoza is really unhappy about her legacy and her past and the idea that everyone sees her as a killer and terrorist. I’ve never thought she should have paid much attention to what Russell Lightbourne of all people said her place in “history books” was (which history books? The Sanctum ones? He left Earth shortly after Diyoza was arrested), but it’s clear that the reason she took it so hard is because she herself feels bad about her past actions. She thinks goal was right, but her methods were not - as she ended up killing innocent people.  “Doing the right thing the wrong way isn’t doing the right thing”.  She is a jaded character who can do violence better than anyone - in a tactical way and only as much as necessary, rather than impulsively or out of bloodlust - and she still does it, but who hates it at the same time, which is why she puts hope (!) in her daughter to be different. When she tells Hope “Violence and rage will destroy your soul, revenge is a game with no winners”, it feels like this is the show working towards its final messages in its final season. 

If the prequel gets green lit, I hope we get more Charmaine Diyoza backstory in flashbacks and learn what was going in pre-apocalypse. In season 5, she said she was fighting a fascist government, and in this scene, we got a few more backstory crumbs, such as that everyone she loved died in wars, some of which “did not need to be fought”. I want to know what the Battle of San Francisco was - the one where Diyoza apparently saved people and was considered a hero for - and what later made her rebel against the government. We also get a McCreary mention when Diyoza finally decides it is time to disclose the full ugly truth to Hope - who and what he was and what he did, which the audience already knew, and the new info for us, that the reason why she had sex with him was to get him on her side during the uprising. (Which, I believe, is the first time anyone on the show has admitted that sex may sometimes be motivated by manipulative reasons.)

Octavia comforting Echo is a scene that got a lot of criticism. But I think this is a really good scene for Octavia and her character development. No, Octavia hugging Echo and telling her she is her family isn’t inconsistent with the fact that Octavia has never liked Echo (and was open about it in how she talked to Hope about her) or that these two characters were never anywhere near being friends, even when they stopped being outright enemies. This is simply Octavia letting go off all grudges and seeing herself and Echo as united in grief,, and is accepting Echo as family because she was in her brother’s life. And she is also now able to empathize with people instead of judging them, seeing the echoes of her how she herself felt after Lincoln’s death. 

What particularly meant a lot for me is that the show has finally addressed her beating of Bellamy in season 3 and that Octavia expressed regret about it. That’s something I had been waiting for, for 4 years. That controversial scene had become even more upsetting over time because of the amount of fanon built around it in fandom wars. Such as the Bellamy-haters attempt to justify it and claim that he “deserved it” and even attempt to blame him for Lincoln’s death, ignoring the fact that Bellamy had tried ti save Lincoln and turned his back on Pike after Lincoln, Kane and Sinclair were sentenced to death, and offered Octavia his help - but she distrusted him, knocked him out and chained him up in a cave and went to save Lincoln by herself. On the other hand, I’ve now seen people criticize Octavia saying “And he let me” and argue that he was “helpless” as he was chained up - which is again ignoring canon, since Miller and others wanted to interfere and stop the beating, by Bellamy kept telling them to stay away. It’s been argued that Bellamy let her do it because he felt guilty. but while there may have been some of that, I've always thought the main reason because he realized she needed it, she needed to blame someone else and take it out on someone else, and Pike was not around. And more importantly, she needed to blame Bellamy in order not to blame herself for failing to rescue him, in order not to think “If only I had done this differently..”. Bellamy started telling her in 3x13: "I came to you, I offered help. If you had only..." and then he saw her look and stopped himself and left, realizing what he was about to say. Octavia sees his motives the same way, saying he let her because she knew he needed it, but she isn’t using this to justify herself. She can now acknowledge her mistakes and take responsibility, and show compassion for someone in a similar situation. It’s not just about grief and losing a loved one - Octavia is now a different person and does not react to losing Bellamy (as she believes) in the same violent, desperate way. Octavia saw Lincoln as her “home” at the time. Echo saw Bellamy as her leader and made saving him her mission for 5 years, and Octavia realizes she must be blaming herself for failing at it. She tells her "It’s not your fault" because she blamed herself when she did not save Lincoln.

The show has been criticized (with good reason) for developing the Bellamy/Echo relationship off-screen during a time jump, and showing a flashback in season 7 could be seen as the show ticking off another box. But the flashback’s main purpose here is clearly to comment on Echo’s storyline this season - specifically, on the issue of loyalty as her main motive (or her tendency to always look for someone to follow, as she herself has said to herself through her hallucinations). The most important lines in the scene are Bellamy telling her “Loyalty is your weakness” and, after she replies it is not, “It is, when it makes us do things we know are wrong”. To paraphrase Indra from a previous episode - loyalty is not a weakness, blind loyalty is. (I will go with the least cynical of the several interpretations I’ve seen floating around of what Bellamy meant when he followed this with a question “Do you think you can be loyal to us?” I think he thought that, as a “shapeshifter”, as he called her, he and the Spacekru can influence her to accept their values and not be a ruthless killer as she was taught to be by Queen Nia.)

Still, there’s a lot that can be deduced from this scene regarding Bellamy’s mindset on the Ring and the Bellamy/Echo dynamic in general - though it’s more of a confirmation of the things we have noticed before. What strikes me the most about this scene is that it may be the least romantic first kiss scene I’ve seen, at least out of those that resulted in a long-term relationship. It feels more like a recruitment scene - and most of the dialogue is about Echo’s and Bellamy’s relative character strengths and weaknesses, and whether Echo can be a loyal part of Bellamy’s team. Echo does look softer and more vulnerable and insecure than we’re used to seeing her, and very surprised that Bellamy is forgiving her for things she herself was afraid he never would be able to (such as betraying him at MW - which led to his previous girlfriend’s death, or trying to kill his sister), let alone show interest in a relationship with her. But Bellamy is a far cry from the emotional man we see interacting with Clarke, either in seasons 1-4 or in seasons 5-6. He is calm, composed, he wants to move on from the past, and when he kisses Echo, it feels like a moment of decision. The Ring!Bellamy has spent 3 years in peace, without needing to protect anyone - as there are no outside threats. He has mourned Clarke, believing that she died saving them all and he left her behind. He feels that his sister is his “weakness” (”love is weakness” - Echo calls it his strength), but his guiding motivation is still to go back to Earth and reunite with her. It’s not the first time Bellamy has lamented the power that his feelings for his sister have over him - in season 4, he described himself as pathetic as always coming back after she had treated him so badly. (Is this a part of the reason why he’s only ever had romantic and/or sexual relationships with women that he doesn’t have such powerful feelings for - unlike Clarke, who is also his ‘weakness’  and the only person for whom he has feelings strong enough to rival those for his sister?) In season 6, Bellamy will criticize Echo for not being emotionally open as he said she was on the Ring. As we know, she was not fully emotionally open on the Ring, either, as she never told him her backstory (he notes here that she doesn’t like talking about herself), but I can kind of see what he meant - she was a lot softer, and going back to the ground and back into the center of action made her go back into the emotionless soldier mode, which is her default survival mode. And for Bellamy, going to the ground, on the other hand, meant being caught again in a swirl of all the emotions - learning Clarke was alive and reuniting with her, seeing a very changed Octavia, having to fight and kill and do things to protect people again - we saw him change from this laid-back Bellamy in 5x01 and become more emotional, throughout seasons 5 and 6. The Ring, with its 6 years of peace and boredom, was like a vacuum - and Echo saw it as something that was “not real” and their relationship as one that’s specific to the Ring and that wouldn’t survive on the ground. One thing that this flashback revealed is how long they had been dating - it seems that “forgiving” was synonymous with “starting to date” (they really spent no time being friends), which makes it all the more astounding that, after 3 years of dating, Echo had the exact same insecurities in 5x01, believing that their relationship would not survive on the ground. In this scene here, Bellamy wasn’t even trying to reassure her - he instead used a kiss to shut her up and make her ignore those concerns. There is a development in their relationship - as Bellamy here calls Spacekru a team, a unit, and wants Echo to be a part of it, and Bellamy in 5x01, three years later, calls them and Echo his “family”. He certainly started to care about her deeply. But at no point does he mention love, and he certainly doesn’t look like a man in love.

But while it’s clear what the main themes of Echo’s character arc are, I have to say that I have no idea where exactly this arc is going. Will she learn to have some sort of identity outside loyalty to Azgeda or Bellamy or anyone else? Can she stop being a soldier and a killer, or is the point of her arc that some people can never change? Will she ever examine the morality of her actions the way Clarke, Bellamy, Octavia have been doing, and as Diyoza does in this same episode? I can’t say I’m fully sure what the dramatic moment of Echo slashing her face Azgeda-style meant. All I can say is that it seems to point out that 1) she has been shaped as a person by her Azgeda warrior upbringing in her childhood and this is her main identity she will probably never let go off, and 2) the way she said the scars mean the pain has stopped but you will never forget makes me think she has revenge on her mind. But this wouldn’t be very different of what we already saw her do impulsively in 7x05. Everyone expects Echo to be out for revenge against the Disciples - so it might be more interesting if she really decided to fight for them because she needs that in her life.

We also see Gabriel’s recruitment - the episode’s opening scene, with a pretty straightforward combination of both carrot and stick: come join us and explore the universe, something you’ve been obsessed with for over a hundred years, and oh, the alternative is getting executed, and your friends potentially getting executed. Gabriel is driven by both his scientific curiosity and a wish to save Echo/Hope/Octavia. He genuinely wanted to save them, but he also took away their choice and did it against their will and feels bad about betraying them - another one of those tricky situations in the show where someone betrays someone out of the desire to save their life.

As the Disciples are sending Orlando’s body to Nakara, we see Gabriel do his own ritual of saying “Death is life” as he did for Josephine. Conspiracy theorists were very excited about the fact that we don’t see Orlando’s dead body, but I’d say that simply means the show didn’t want to call the actor back and pay him for appearing as a dead body for 2 seconds.

An unexpectedly funny moment was Anders saying, in reference to Orlando’s death: “I think we need to rethink our penal system” (ya think?) - Neal McDonough’s face was just perfect in that moment. And Gabriel is getting back some of his tendency for snarky one-liners that we haven’t seen much since the first half of season 6 (his only question about being a Disciple is “Do I get a robe?” )

I have no idea why the show, in the following episodes. treats the characters’ decisions to join the Disciples as a big mystery that needed flashbacks to be explained. Anders directly threatened Gabriel and Diyoza, Hope, Octavia and Echo thought they would be executed or tortured, until Echo realized they wanted to recruit them (which was becoming obvious from the nice treatment they were getting - Octavia was even allowed to read a book). It’s not like any of them had a choice, and joining the Disciples and pretending to be loyal is the obvious way to go. 

Another instance of the show commenting on its previous controversial storyline: when Jackson tells Madi that Bellamy convincing her in S5 to take the Flame was not right even though it was also true that it was the only way to save Clarke. Fans tend to take extreme positions on this one - either it was unambiguously bad or it was the right thing - so I’m glad to see the show admitting the complexity of that situation, and that some things can be both necessary and morally wrong - especially since season 5 seemed to treat Commander!Madi as an unambiguously good thing. Seasons 6 and 7 have since gone a long way to acknowledge that making the Grounder tradition of 12 old Commanders is pretty messed up.

I do wonder though, just like Emori did in this episode, since when is Jackson is shrink. He’s a surgeon, and neither he nor Abby have ever shown much in the way of understanding about mental health issues before.

I’ve always loved Emori - back when she was first introduced, because she was a morally ambiguous but sympathetic antiheroine with a developed backstory and because her relationship with Murphy initially subvert the “redemption for the love of a good woman” trope. Both she and the relationship have since developed and changed a lot. Emori started out cynical, distrustful of people and bent on her own survival, due to having such a tough life since she was a child cast out for the way she was born, but over the seasons, she has found love, a “family”, developed new skills, and learned what it is like to be cared, loved and respected by others - and she has become a much more idealistic character. She’s adapted to the new situation - having to pretend to be a Prime - much better than Murphy.  Murphy says (and Sheidheda later echoes that) that it is because she enjoys being worshiped - and I’m sure that’s a part of the reason (and is very understandable - as someone who was thrown away like garbage as a child and an outcast for most of her life, of course she would enjoy adoration, even if it is for directed at someone she is only pretending to be), but she is happily embracing her role mostly because she can use that newfound privilege and power to do something good - and to try to heal an old emotional wound,  trying to do reunite the CoG with their parents who rejected them for being nulls. She will never get a chance to learn if her own parents would be able to un-learn their own brainwashing, regret their actions and have an emotional reunion with her - but she clearly wants to believe they would. This episode may be hammering that point a bit too much with having Jackson analyze her actions - when it’s already obvious and she also straight up tells all that to Nelson, making a parallel between his and her fate, the “nulls” and “Frikdreinas”, both rejected as abominations for their DNA, (When Nelson does his angry-stubborn thing and tells her “You know nothing about me”, it reminded me of Emori’s conversation with Clarke in 4x07, when she said “You know nothing of my pain”.) Unfortunately - while Emori tells Murphy: “The way out of hell is paved with good deeds” - what happens ends up being in line with the proverb “The way to hell is paved with good intentions”. We see some of the old, sly Emori when she tricks Nelson into drinking so she could use his DNA to match him with his parents. But her new idealism makes her underestimate just how horrible people can be.

As I said in my immediate reactions, Nelson’s father is the worst. I really don’t want to judge if it is realistic that people can be so horrible and so brainwashed...  sadly, it probably is. And to be fair, everyone else at that event seemed to be OK, but it’s enough for one a-hole to ruin everything. In any case, that scene was quite strong and well-acted on the part of Lee Majdoub as Nelson (aka Sachin). Unlike in the last episode, Nelson’s characterization made sense this time. His reasoning does not (and Nikki - who is not an interesting antagonist but whose motivations at least make sense - points out the exact same thing I wondered about 7x06, what kind of justice is he looking for now that all the Primes are gone?), he’s not a very rational character, but you can see where he was coming from emotionally, reacting to what happened. 

It was weird, though, that he immediately started talking in the name of all Children of Gabriel and making decisions for them. In season 6, they seemed more like a bunch of people with different ideas who disagreed a lot, but now they seem to be another group that blindly follows a leader.

One thing I enjoyed better the first time were the Murphy and Sheidheda scenes. I really didn’t realize where it was going the first time I watched the episode, but knowing what it’s all about and that Shady is just stalling  - it makes sense, but it also makes these scene drag on during a rewatch. Yes, Sheidheda is portrayed as a master manipulator (I think he is the first antagonist in this show who can be said to be one), and he found all the right ways to get to Murphy - calling him out on his  desire to be a hero and desire to be loved (both of which Murphy always wants to deny), threatening his “queen” Emori, trying to play on Murphy’s concerns about the fact Emori is more adaptable than him, and, most of all, tricks Murphy into trying to play a mind game with him and prove something, try to outsmart him. But when you already know where it’s all going, it feels like those could have been a bit shorter. Maybe instead we could have had a couple more scenes showing what was up with Octavia, Echo, Hope and Diyoza, so they wouldn’t dedicate an entire episode (7x09) to that. But maybe putting a couple of flashbacks (around 5-10 minutes) at the beginning of 7x09 and then getting on with the present day Bardo action (i.e. whatever is gonna happen in 7x10) would have been an even better solution. 

As with “Hesperides”, I’m still not sure why this episode has the title it has and if I’ve been overthinking it. Surely it can’t just be so literal and refer only to Murphy’s move in the chess game between him and Sheidheda? I expected a metaphor about sacrificing a pawn, someone or something of yours that you see as less important, to gain something else, and/or empower your strongest player. I can’t really think of anything in this episode that really fits that. Unless it refers to something else that’s yet to happen this season.

One minor thing that doesn’t make much sense to me was Murphy mentioning Lexa to try to make Sheidheda feel bad, by pointing out her popularity (”everyone loves her”) and his unpopularity. I’m confused by this, because it feels like a big retcon, or a case of the writers starting to confuse Lexa’s popularity in the fandom with her status in-universe. It was a major plot point that everyone was turning against her in season 3 (Nia challenged her and all the other clan leaders sided with Nia and almost voted Lexa down, a Trikru farmer tried to assassinate her, her Flamekeeper was worried that her people would turn against her...) I suppose we’re meant to think her popularity has risen since she died - that seemed to be how it was portrayed in season 4 - but even if that were the case, how much would Murphy know about it? He was only in Polis for a short time in season 3 (pre-ALIE) and mostly interacted with Titus and Ontari, spent season 4 hanging out with Skaikru, was not in the bunker and never got to spend much time with Wonkru. Are we to think that he learned of Lexa’s popularity with Wonkru during these few days on Sanctum in season 7? But as we’ve seen, Sheidheda is not really universally hated among Wonkru and still has stans at least in his own clan, Sangedakru. Sheidheda, on his part, correctly points out that Lexa was killed by a Flamekeeper, just as he was. He says it was because they were afraid of his “ideas” - not explaining what ideas those were, and says Lexa also was... Which also isn’t exactly what happened: Titus was not afraid of Lexa’s ideas, he was afraid she was listening to Clarke and Clarke’s ideas too much. 

We get a minor Bardo time jump of 3 months in the middle of the episode. I have no idea at which point in the Sanctum timeline this or that part of the Bardo storyline happened - they are clearly not being shown chronologically, as the Bardo part of the episodes 7x05-7x06 probably lasted for a few (Bardo) hours. 

Gabriel is apparently now a Level 3 Disciple and works on the "cipher” team. I guess the Disciples value scientific people more than soldier Disciples, since Echo, Octavia and Diyoza still don’t seem to be even Level 1 based on the lack of symbols on their faces, and Levitt is somehow Level 11. Since they have been working on the codes for thousands of (Bardo) years, I’m surprised that the Disciples haven’t managed to do more. According to another team member, the last big discovery was before he was born and it was a 10 digit code that allows them to “harness the power of what you call the Anomaly. 

We get new info in this episode as the final code they are looking for is supposed to help them achieve “transcendence” aka “the final evolution of the species” (which they believe the beings who made the Anomaly Stones had done) and help them win the “last war”, and I assume that the transcendence has something to do with the white light that was seen when Becca typed the 7 symbol combination she only managed to find because she had the Flame in her head, and whatever she saw on the other side - which must be something different from the regular green light that appears when a bridge to another planet is opened. Cadogan’s questions to Anders after waking up were: "Have we cracked the code? Has the war begun?" It's a bit frustrating that the show keep withholding the info - what is the last war, who is it fought against? Is it even a physical war? I guess it must be at least partially, as they train and they want to recruit people like Echo, Octavia, Diyoza. But is that all?

Such a funny contrast between the star-struck, adoring Anders and an almost bored Cadogan, who first  asks, after seeing who woke him up: “You again?” Having seen 7x08, I wonder if maybe Cadogan is not impressed by people who worship him without question and try to please him -as his son did (as opposed to his daughter). Anders keep calling him the “Shepherd” and Cadogan says his trademark line “Call me Bill”. He must have told him that before, if Anders had already woken him up before. Or he just doesn’t like to be woken up more often than once in a few decades or a century, since he says he was woken up “this early”.

I really like the way Clarke’s reaction to hearing about Bellamy’s “death” was portrayed. There was some debate about the fact that Lindsey Morgan, the director of the episode, first wanted to have Clarke fall to her knees, and that Jason overruled her - and I have to say I agree with him. Focusing on Clarke’s face and seeing the shock and gradual realization on her face felt a lot less melodramatic and a lot more real.

A couple of interesting things I’ve noticed: Cadogan has a picture of pre-apocalypse “Polis” (Baltimore?) on Level 13 where his cryo is.

I was first under the impression that Madi’s drawing we see in this episode showed Becca going into the Anomaly, then when I saw it showed multiple people, that it was the Second Dawn members leaving Earth. But after rewatching Anaconda, I think this is the scene when Becca activated the Stone and everyone (Becca, Bill, Grace, Callie and Reese) stood there around it, talking about it. So, probably another one of Becca’s memories.

Rating: 7.5/10

[lutrain2020]

Meet the Creator!

Introducing: Mew!

Commissions:  Not right now but maybe at some point in the future when I improve.

Social Media: Tumblr: @nicetomeetmew​  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicetomeetmew/

Tell us a little bit about yourself!

I'm Mew and that's pretty much the only nickname I have on the interweb (although I was known as Brandy for a while but that's a very long story). I like drawing, writing, singing, baking, video games and messing about with my melodica. My favourite colour is black but I've recent had a fondness for purple and dark pink. My favourite animal is wolves but I also love sharks!

What got you into creating? what inspires you to keep creating?

I got into art because I kept seeing so many amazing pieces online and I kept thinking to myself: "wow I wish I could do that." I mean I still can't, but I'm trying and it's fun! And as for writing: it's actually my mum who got me into it and inspires me to keep going; whether it's fanfiction or an original work.

What's your creative process like?

Honestly I'm so new to this art stuff, I just start throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks (metaphorically, but that actually sounds kind of fun!). The only thing that's consistent is that I always end up covering my page with random shapes before I start. I think scribbling helps me get my thoughts in order and figure out where to start.

What kind of mediums do you like to use?

I mostly use my tablet for drawing, but I like mucking about with chalk and oil paints for fun.

Is there a specific scene wrote that you are particularly proud of?

"On paper, she was perfectly lovely. Her skin was clear and fair, her hair fell in long gold ringlets around her face, and she moved with such elegance and grace she might as well be floating. But that was on paper. In reality… 'HEY! Are you listening?!'"

Is there someone who inspires you and your writing or art?

Hmm... honestly I find myself inspired by almost every artist I see. There's so much unique and gorgeous art out there and I think that taught me that everyone is different and that my art is never going to look like someone else's; because it's mine.

What got you into writing or art?

I just wanted to be able to do something. I have all sorts of thoughts going on in my head and using all the energy to create something seemed like a good way to go (that was actually my mum's idea).

What's your favorite part of the creative process?

I love character planning. I probably love it a little too much. I have a whole notebook book dedicated to backstories and headcanons and all that fun stuff. Nothing brings me more joy than creating a whole new life. I think I spend far too much time on the planning but hey ho. It's fun.

What's your least favorite part of the creative process?

Excluding my character plans: I hate following a plan. If I it so much easier just to fling words at a page, then mess around with them until the make sense and I'm happy with them. I tried planning out a whole story once and long story short, my notebook ended up in next door's garden.

What's your favorite type of scene to write?

I think I find it hard to find the line between "what I enjoy writing" and "what I'm good at writing". But I'd have to say, while it's scarce in most of the stuff I write these days, I love me a nice little emotional comfort scene. Hugs. Tears. Platonic kisses. *Rubs hands together gleefully* yesss. 

What's the hardest for you to create?

As much as I enjoy fluffy scenes I find them an absolute nightmare to write because my brain immediately says "make them all suffer." I like angst, I really do but it's a bit of annoying when you're trying to finally write something happy for a character an then before you know it everything has gone to hell. Example: Character A has just won some big award, he patched things up with his bestie and things are finally turning aroun- his house is on fire, his mother ran off and he is now homeless and caring for his baby sister on the streets. And yes I came up with that off the top of my head. It's a real problem is you ask me. 

What fandoms do you enjoy creating for?

I don't share all the stuff I draw and write but there are a bunch of fandoms I enjoy creating for mainly: Linked Universe: not one, not two, but nine Links?  Yes please. I love brotherly bonding so much. Fire Emblem Three Houses: is probably the fandom where I love creating about ships the most. Sylvix sustains me as much as Dimileth does. Kid Icarus Uprising: Dark Pit. That is all. Legend of Zelda: Do I love theorising about the BotW sequel and writing about it? Yes I do. Very much. Pokémon: Writing about teenagers traveling the land with adorable and cool creature is as fun as you'd expect it to be. And I fit shipping in there too (Haudion and FerrisWheelShipping sustains my soul). Animal Crossing: The only fandom I only draw for. Tiny lil animal friends I just... yes. 

What's the work you are most proud of?

In my BotW 2 deprived state a wrote a lil fic called Don't Be Afraid, based on the very little we know from the trailer. I put off posting it for weeks but I finally mustered of the courage to do it because at the end of the day, whether people like it or not, I'm proud of it.  https://nicetomeetmew.tumblr.com/post/619037409470971904/dont-be-afraid

Where do you post your finished works?

I don't post a lot of my writing (okay I've posted it twice in my whole life heh) but it's pretty much just on my Tumblr. Although I do have ao3 and I have a longer fic in the works which I plan of posting there (eventually). https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicetomeetmew

If you have any fun stories about the pieces you made, please do share!

The only art I've really shared so far is the Links from LU as Sailor Scouts (Sailor Links if you will). And, fun fact, that all stemmed from a simple discussion about what if Wild had a magical girl transformation when he changed gear with the Sheikah Slate. So I draw him doing the Sailor Moon pose in his Vai clothes and that's that, right? Nope. Next day I was watching Sailor Moon and I couldn't stop thinking about Sailor Wild so that next thing you know I'm drawing Wind as Sailor Mercury and then I'm making a list of the Links as Sailor Scouts and The Sailor Links was born. I even drew Fi as Luna. So a full month was filled with a project that was inspired by one simple discussion. And I'm eternally grateful because it was an absolute blast to do (drawing Time with a tiara is just as fun as you'd imagine).

[destinywillowleaf]

SWN-002 Wing Man

“That's the power of love!”

Wingman was created by Dr. Wily in an attempt to beat Mega Man in a field outside of battle by harnessing the power of love. Wing Man has flight capability and wields a piercing arrow called his "Cupid Crossbow". Being designed to defeat Mega Man through love, Wing Man has a large board dedicated to unravelling his love life. Similar boards exist for Proto Man and Bass, forming the "Tiny Trio". He'd call them the Big Three, but they're short.

Wing Man likes cheesy romcoms and dislikes Proto Man (for being hard to read). His strong point is his dedication to his task, though he can become blinded by the task at hand and not remember the other couples he's trying to get together.

This took longer than I expected to actually write and get out to share.

With this year’s Valentine’s contest over(courtesy of rockmiyabideusexmachina), I can finally talk about this boy! He was so much fun to make and I’m definitely gonna be using him more in the future. I’ve got a lot of thoughts on him, the stages of his design, and a lot of pictures, so it’s gonna be under the cut.

Now that that’s outta the way, let’s get into the process of Wing!

...I thought we were talking about Wing Man, who’s this?

Meet “Playboy Bunny”, this duality of a Maverick and the first draft of a character for this contest. Usually she’s the sweet Playboy Bunny, a majorly human-like Reploid acting as a performer. However, once you’ve provoked her, she throws off the sweet guise and becomes Magnet Hare, the quick and fast-attacking Maverick with attractive properties. 

To be honest, I’m half wondering if I would’ve done better if I had done more with her design and actually gone with her instead. The main reason I didn’t go with her in the end was cause I thought someone else was gonna go with it and then there would’ve been repeats.

I might come back and do more doodles of her someday, refining her design to be less human with bunny accessories and more rabbit/bunny with human-like proportions. 

The very first drawings of Wing Man. The only thing I really had down at this point were the general heart-shapes, his name, and his weapon’s name. The one on the left was the first draft, and the right one was a case of “should he actually have wings or nah?”. The name actually came to me when I was sitting in class and I think that’s part of the reason I got attached. The pun name is probably the biggest holdover from Bunny, though another element did come by later…

This is where the magic happened. The front-facing sketch was the first real attempt and trying to figure out what I wanted from him. I knew that he should have a general heart-shape for his chest armor, and maybe his helmet could follow the same idea with one in the center. It took a bit to look through the other Robot Master helmet designs, but I feel like Wing’s looks like it could fit with everyone else’s. At one point I was considering giving him a heart braid kinda like Tundra’s, but I wound up scrapping it. I think it was because I was sick of braids after doing so many for Nahyuta…

Then some arrows! I couldn’t decide whether to have actual arrows or energy arrows, but I feel like the energy arrows make it look more unique. And the first appearance of the bowtie! I didn’t even know if I was gonna give him one at first but once I made the doodle I knew it was gonna stay. Bunny has a bow, too, but hers was just a regular ribbon one. 

The collapsible crossbow was something I knew I wanted from the start, because Wing’s not a huge fighter. He will fight to achieve his goals, and sometimes it’s more necessary than at other times, but it’s easier to have it folded outta the way. The “string” of the crossbow forms when it is expanded out, and then he can start firing his weapon.

Also, his boot. Simple enough design. Not much to be said. Same goes for the side profile, I was just trying to get a better feel for his design.

I was debating for a while about whether or not to actually give Wing Man wings. On the one hand, it’d help for the joke of him being a wingman and a wing(ed) man, but on the other hand I don’t like drawing wings because I still don’t really understand them all too well.

The bottom center image was a pretty defining part of making Wing, to be honest. It’s probably one of my favorite drawings/doodles of him just because of the causal nature of suggesting a relationship with someone(and it’s up to you to decide who it is) and Rock’s immediate reaction of fear/concern. I don’t screw around with expressions enough anymore…

I don’t have any versions of this page without color on it, but that’s because this was a color testing page. I wanted to test out my physical colors first before spending too much time digitally experimenting, and I had two main ideas: either red-pen red in varying pressures or coral Sharpie highlighter. By the final design, you can tell which one I went with. I wanted to compare them side-by-side, and the half-and-half wasn’t really cutting it for me. I did a second comparison on the other page(which is gonna be further down this post).

I was trying to get a better grasp on the wings, too, since I eventually decided just to go for it and make it more of a pun.I couldn’t decide if I wanted the wings like on top of the jetpacks or off to the sides, but I went with on top of the jets in the end. The off to the side wings were taken from how Tengu Man’s “wings” are positioned. As for the wings themselves… I was honestly mostly taking reference from Pit’s emotion portraits from Kid Icarus Uprising. I had the image with all of his different emotions and it wasn’t like Wily would be going for complete accuracy how big wings would need to be since, y’know, jetpack.

The color scheme of the wings also changed over time, and I think probably for the better. Layering the colors instead of just making a weird gradient overtop looks nicer(even if those colors could probably use some refinement all things considered). I was also deciding on the weapon “type” for the crossbow, since Megaman’s weapon get picture is on this page. Piercer seemed like it would fit the best, going through multiple enemies in a straight shot.

Designing the ability get was actually pretty simple, which I’m glad about. I wanted to go more off of the Megaman 11 style of weapon get, altering the helmet, arm, and color only, and I wanted to stick to that. I also wanted to keep two of Wing’s more defining elements - his bow and wings - on the ability get, so I moved them from Wing’s torso to Rock’s helmet.

Alongside the ability get, an unfinished battle scene. Nothing too special here.

I tried the color testing thing again, and it was here, I believe, that I first settled on the idea of “hey what if he looked like he was wearing a suit or something” and colored it accordingly. The color on the feet honestly sold me on the left one, because the cherry-red was beautiful and it was just red pen under the highlighter. I was happy with the pieces I had and started to put it all together into the final product…

Every Robot Master needs a pose for their artwork, and Wing was gonna be no different. I could’ve gone for something more dramatic, I know, but I was really really happy how the posing turned out for the one on the left. The smaller one on the right was more for fun and was messing around with some line thickness. There’s also less feathers because I was kinda lazy.

The main reason I have him sitting is because I think his boss entrance, were he to be fought in a typical arena, would have him pulling a Meta Knight and coming down from a high ledge to attack. Saying his pre-battle line, sliding/jumping down from on-high, and with a flourish, the battle begins.

Also I just wanted to draw my boy looking cute. Sue me.

The physical version of Wing sitting(on the left) is what I had initially been going for in color scheme, with a lot less coral-ish colors in the mix. Trying to recreate those colors, however, was a problem, so for all intents and purposes this is what I hold as why he's really supposed to look like. But with a complete physical form, what's next?

...hoo boy.

Trying to make the leap from physical to digital was a pain. I realized after I had essentially finalized the physical sketch of Wing posing that the helmet and face kind of made no sense. I spent a while trying to make it right and nothing worked how I wanted it to so I eventually just moved on from that. 

One thing to know is that I basically only work in MS Paint. I don’t have any other digital drawing software on my computer and the tablet available to me doesn’t respond to styluses as far as I can gather. So taking the widely-varying-in-color picture and making it not like that was something I had to remember how to do because otherwise I was gonna suffer the consequences. I knew it had to do with outlines but apparently Paint didn’t want to accept my drawn outlines and would only take ones made in the software. And jpgs were pixel-y, which I forgot since the last time I was extensively using the software.

Once I had my system back, I made the silhouette and digitalized “I’m just sayin” as a practice round of sorts. But with the simple pieces out of the way… the time came for making the whole reference sheet. The pose, the front and side views, the shipping board to serve as a back view, the wings, the Weapon Get, the weapon, and the little character-defining details.

Save states fill most of this folder for a reason. Working with what I had and going over and through everything to make sure I had all the pieces ready, making saves before the background deletion so I would just have outlines, and just hoping that this was all gonna be worth the work.

One of the more… challenging, I guess, parts of the design process for Wing: trying to give him a unique silhouette. Including the wings was, in part, because of this. Most, if not every Robot Master has a unique silhouette that you can look at and say “Oh that’s [name here]” or at least be able to tell them apart. Whether it’s fire, a boomerang, a snake tail, a lightbulb, a weird body shape, or their arms, there’s something to set each one apart. And I wanted Wing to have that same feeling, so if you were to see a blacked-out version of him you could still tell that it was Wing and not someone else.

Without the wings, he’d probably resemble a downgraded Quick Man - which makes sense, considering I was using Quick’s body shape as a base for Wing’s for a more subtle top of a heart. But I didn’t want Wing just to look like Worse Quick Man, so the wings had to stay. The crossbow helps in that regard too, but the wings really set him apart.

This is what I’m talking about. He looks like a generic character without the wings.

Trying to keep Wing in the same vein of design as other Robot Masters was also, I guess, the reason I used the colors I did. Robot Masters typically don’t have too many colors, and didn’t want Wing to be a colorful mess. Maybe I could’ve had another more striking color in his design, but I’m happy with the colors I have. Reds and pinks and white with a skin tone taken from the physical doodles that I tried to have be a brownish-cherry if that makes any sense. Like it was supposed to still be in the red(kinda orange) family of colors but still be distinct enough as a skin tone. I didn’t want to have too many variations on colors, but I do think I could’ve done better on some of the distributions(and holding onto the idea of “stop using so many colors”).

Like I said, I consider the physical drawing to be the true colors of Wing, and the digital can’t quite capture the physical.

...Okay, I think that’s everything I wanted to say. If you actually read through this entire monstrosity of a post, thank you. I do have a full colored version of the "I'm just sayin'" that'll go up eventually because it was fun.

[pompadorkery]

um.. can we get the continuation to the angelo and valak lore machonachos just posted?

:3Sooo~We left off here~With Angelo getting a call from Heaven itself. Before anything can be done about Valak, Angelo figures he’d better go and see what Heaven wants. He doesn’t need more trouble while he’s trying to save his husband, so he wants to take care of it. Plus, duty and all that. He’s a responsible guy. He’s not gonna shirk his duties and obligations. So, he goes on up to Heaven. He’s unsure of what’s in store for him. Did they find out about him and Valak? Are they going to punish him further? Is this the end for him? He’s cautious, finding himself surrounded by the archangels. Gabriel seems a little peeved, but when isn’t he? It’s Michael who speaks. He praises Angelo for his good work in defending when the demons rose up and began attacking humans. He saved countless human lives, and possibly halted a would-be demonic uprising.(Luckily, it seems as if Heaven is unaware as to why the demons attacked. Aka: they don’t know that the demons were trying to capture Angelo whilst Valak and Ahriman were fighting.)While Michael is giving Angelo high regards and praising him, Gabriel just keeps looking angrier and angrier. Finally, at the end of it, Michael offers Angelo something. He offers him his powers back. The full extent. And just to really sweeten the offer, Angelo is allowed to feel the power surging back into him.

He’s surrounded by a glowing light, his wings sprout feathers back to their full size, his hair falls over his shoulders, his eyes lose their glassy dead look and become a beautiful blue once again, and the seal on his neck fades to merely a thin scar. He’s allowed to gaze upon himself in a mirror, and honestly, in that moment, the offer is extremely tempting. He’s beautiful again. He’s powerful again. He can fly  again. He’s told that his duties on Earth could be relinquished, and he could return to being a Dominion. Of course, he’d have to earn back everyone’s trust, and he’d still be monitored, but he can be his true self again. It’s the hesitation that sets Gabriel off. He’s already annoyed that everyone is being so merciful to someone he deems unworthy. He chides Angelo for not accepting this gracious offer immediately. Why is he hesitating? Why wouldn’t he jump at the chance to be a Dominion again and regain his respect amongst the other angels in Heaven?When Angelo flat out refuses, it confuses the other archangels. They question why he wouldn’t want this, and if he doesn’t accept, the opportunity won’t be given to him again. He’ll have to live out the rest of his existence on Earth doing the same work he’d been doing for the past 40+ years. He’d have no chance to return to his former glory. He doesn’t say much, only that he’s content with his life in the land of the living. He’s fine living the way he does, and that one good deed doesn’t forgive his past transgressions. Aaand, that he has his own reasons for wanting to stay. Michael strips his power away. Gabriel scoffs and mumbles to himself, wondering why Angelo would refuse such an offer, how he’s ungrateful, all that. Angelo asks if he can leave. And Michael says yes, and that Heaven only needs him to continue his work among the humans, but besides financial support, Heaven really won’t have anything to do with him anymore. As Angelo begins to leave, and Gabriel makes snide comments, Angelo then asks, “So… we are done here?”After receiving confirmation, that yes, they are done. Angelo turns and decks Gabriel right in the face, knocking him back and few feet. Gabriel of course, whines and complains, but Angelo simply leaves and goes back home to continue on with the plans of getting Valak back. –To get Valak back, he needs a way to coax Kocell back. He’s an angel, he can’t just waltz down into Hell. He’s very unsure of what he’s supposed to do to get in contact with her. But, the answer comes to him unexpectedly. As if by a stroke of luck, Angelo spots a demon wandering around in human form. The demon isn’t really bothering anyone, and just seems like they’re just kinda living amongst humans like Valak did. So, of course, Angelo stomps right over to them and begins harassing them, grabbing them by the shirt and getting up in their face, telling them that he needs to get in contact with someone. He needs the demon to send a message for him. He needs the demon to tell Kocell that he wants a rematch. He wants to face off with her again. He gives the demon a specific time and place he wants to meet, and tells them to relay the message. There’s a bit of threatening on Angelo’s part to made sure that the demon does as it’s told. After that, it’s just a waiting game. Angelo tells Nevaeh that the plan is in motion. He’s nervous. Scared even. He doesn’t want to hurt Valak. But, whatever Kocell had done to him… that wasn’t his Valak. That was some sort of beast. Angelo and the girls make their preparations. They’re ready by the time Kocell shows up again. She’s boastful and showy as always, and makes a big deal of making her entrance with Valak in tow, looking just as feral as before. They’re a good distance away from the incomplete salt circles, so Kocell won’t notice them. It’s risky, but Angelo needs to lure the two demons to the circles. He needs to get Valak to chase him down again. Turning on his heel and pushing off with a powerful flap of his wings, Angelo lunges forward and away from Valak, coaxing him to chase after him. He just has to use his own legs to try and outrun Valak until he gets him to the circle. He can’t risk riding Heaven’s Bounty and disrupting the salt circles. He has to do this himself. He also can’t be too far ahead of Valak, because he doesn’t want him to notice the salt circle ahead of time.(Also, if anything went bad, he didn’t want Heaven’s Bounty to get hurt, because she would most definitely try to protect him if Valak attacked)He’s running as fast as his legs will take him, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Valak is behind him. Meanwhile, Kocell is following them, eager to see how her little pet does. She wants to watch. Unfortunately for her, she’s paying so much attention to Valak and Angelo, that she doesn’t bother to look down to her feet and to notice that she’s walked right into a salt circle. She’s literally stepped right into their trap. Nevaeh quickly rushes out and completes the circle, trapping Kocell inside. It’s a very intricate circle, it needs to be complex to hold the power of a demon general. Nevaeh doesn’t want Amber Lee anywhere near Kocell.  Plus, Amber Lee can’t see Kocell or Valak when they’re in their demon forms. Kocell was caught off guard. She hadn’t expected that Angelo would team up with humans of all things. Nevaeh immediately starts reading off Psalms that will banish Kocell back to the 9th circle of Hell. Amber Lee has poked her head out once she sees Nevaeh jumping into action, she doesn’t know if it’s time for her to act yet. Valak definitely noticed when Kocell got trapped. She’s definitely screeching and making a bunch of noise. Valak turns his attention to her, ready to save his mistress. However, Amber Lee happens to be right in his path. And, obviously, Valak would have no problem completely eviscerating her to get to Kocell. Amber Lee has no idea that she’s right in the way. She’s ready to close up the other circle, but doesn’t know when. She’s unaware of the demon ready to bulldoze her down. Angelo panics, seeing that Valak’s attention is off of him, and that Amber Lee is in danger.With no other choice, he materializes his whip. He cracks it towards Valak and snares his wrist, tugging him forward and dragging him down into the salt circle intended for him. He holds him there and gives Amber Lee the signal to close off the circle. The moment the circle is closed, Angelo releases Valak from the whip. The injury seems to be searing and smoking, the whip leaving a pretty nasty burn on Valak’s skin.

He’s, of course, snarling and nearly foaming at the mouth, looking on as Nevaeh finishes reading the passages and exorcises Kocell back to Hell. The ground opens up, and with a scream, Kocell is plummeted back to the very bottom of Hell, as if there was a weight around her ankle dragging her down. Needless to say… she’s pissed. Once the ground closes back up and Kocell is nowhere to be seen, attention turns to Valak.Angelo had hoped that exorcising Kocell would make Valak return to normal… but it’s not the case. He’s banging and pounding at the invisible barrier encasing him in the circle. He’s still the same. Still feral. Still wild. They restrain him with chains made of Holy Gold, while Nevaeh recites incantations to keep him settled while they get him back to Angelo’s apartment(luckily humans can’t see any of this going down).And once they get him to Angelo’s place, they clear a room to put him in, and restrain him with even more chains. They place a large salt circle around the room to keep him imprisoned. And a good spritzing of holy water doesn’t hurt either. Angelo can’t stay in contact with the Holy Gold for too long, and after having to drag Valak all the way back home, he can’t even really be with him. He has to keep him locked away in that room.(He had to physically touch the gold while locking Valak up, which is much worse than simply being in the presence of the Holy Gold. He can be in the presence of it alot longer than he can be touching it. And he’s already done too much touching for the day.)So. He just has to lock Valak in the room and then go to sit with the girls. Angelo’s mood is notably… down. He has his husband back, but at what cost?

[aotopmha]

Attack On Titan Chapter 113 Thoughts

The tl;dr version of it is that I’m getting kind of exhausted with the pacing. Firstly, waiting for the big shoe to drop - you know *something* has gotta be coming considering how AoT usually does things and secondly, also waiting for the thematic resolution.

I think the series has had several low points when it comes to pacing so far, but here it’s really kind of starting to get to me. I was patient with the Uprising and Marley arcs (the beginnings of which I consider the other pacing low points of the series, for Trost the drag is only essentially a couple of chapters, so it's not as big of an issue in comparison to those two arcs) because they were the very beginnings of exploring the story’s wider complexity, but right now that pit has already been explored quite a bit.

So once again, this chapter simply continues exploring some of the established thematic threads that I’ve gone into a bunch of times in my various posts already.

You can see Zeke’s complacency to the broken system he grew up under from how he thinks Levi would deal with his subordinates and how he actually deals his subordinates. Zeke hopes that if he does his job no matter the cost, it’ll lead to a better future and I suspect Eren might’ve caught that bug while interacting with him in Marley, too. Again, I’m pretty sure he’s affecting him in some way, just still not sure about the specifics yet.

Elaborating on Zeke a little bit, It seems like he is pretty content working for the sake of a horrible system, but he doesn’t realize doing so will not make it all go away and bring peace, but instead probably make it worse (perhaps he really believes doing this will "end it all" as he tells Reiner and Bertholt in the Shiganshina arc because that's what Marley promised).

How would he know he’s doing anything wrong if he hasn’t seen what's right and lived under a broken system like that his whole life?

He decided to do things better than his father, but he also, like many of the Marleyan Eldians (looking at his monologue against the SL) seems to believe the Marleyan propaganda (which is not how systems like Marley's work), so he’s really just keeping the system intact because he's stuck inside this one perspective he has and actually can't understand Levi. Him thinking he understands the SL's thinking when he actually doesn't is an interesting portrayal of that.

That or he just wants the world to burn at this point. I'm leaning more towards to the former, but there is still some uncertainty about pretty much everything here.

He's essentially like Karina, Grisha and Gabi, going off of the perspective he has. His perspective is understandable and human considering his position, however, Zeke is in no way being excused here, he's just being explained and he's interesting to me in the same way those other three are. I really like this and always will, but again, this is another repetition of this idea we've had several times already.

I don’t care much for Levi, but we have seen that he cares and respects his subordinates and friends; the biggest example of this is still probably his first squad.

Levi tells Erwin to go fight out there because that’s the morally right decision to make and he lets him die because he can’t bring himself to bring him back to be a weapon for the sake of everyone else. It would be morally wrong in his eyes.

Historia’s pregnancy kind of flies to the face of this idea depending on how you look at it, too. She was essentially forced into a decision to sacrifice herself to save everyone else. A very morally wrong decision, only understandable because it is for the sake of the survival of humanity. 

But they all also know this is wrong. They just saw no other choice, even if there might've been one.

Her whole character arc was about escaping this kind of position and finally living for herself.

In the end It all depends on how the story decides to present this idea - to me it would be the best if the pregnancy was fake.

But if it’s real, I feel like Historia and her child have to get a happy ending and freedom by the end of it. Some reward for the sacrifice, which is thematically appropriate in a different way.

In comparison, at this point, Zeke is only doing his job and that’s that, with no consideration of human lives and what they mean, while the opposite side knows that lesson and decides to fight to make those sacrifices mean something. So, it’s a thematic battle Zeke lost and we got some blood and gore to accompany it.

Levi won because he is accurately aware of the value of life, but still ready to put his feelings aside when needed, while Zeke didn’t expect that because he, again, probably doesn’t understand any perspective beyond his own - he doesn’t have that same empathy attached to his decisions because of his position as a warrior and focus on just doing his duty.

We see Reiner go on autopilot like this as a kid, too.

The question is, how does knowing, but still doing bad things make you any better than your enemy?

Well, it’s all about acknowledging that you do bad things and do the best to minimize them. This chapter's even called "Violence", which I think is a reference to the difference between blind cruelty and simple pragmatism.

Again, depending on how the situation is going to be framed and handled, how Historia is treated is that potential seed of thematic hypocrisy right there. Perhaps some of the hypocrisy might even be intentional considering how brutal Levi was with taking down Zeke.

However, "If you don’t sacrifice anything, you can’t achieve anything" is also an idea on the table here, as I mentioned above. If Historia's decision to go with having her child is framed as her personal sacrifice, and she and her child gain freedom, I’m alright with that.

So, these are the two main ways I see how this could work thematically right now: either commit to it by incorporating the sacrifice theme or make it solely about the idea of doing the "right" thing by having the SL have a risky plan that spares Historia up their sleeve.

I think it were the best option if the child was fake because it would keep to Historia's character arc and the SL’s principles more concretely, but I have a soft spot for the other because it incorporates the sacrifice idea, too, not just keeping to one idea.

So, these are basically the main ideas explored in the chapter.

There is a side visit to Floche, as well, aside from these elements - once again, this whole situation is also basically commentary on how fascist regimes usually come to be.

People want a strong leader when the current one seems incompetent. This is usually accompanied by a shitty economy and having a conflict with outside countries. It invloves a bunch of extreme views posited that appeal to the unhappy population, a raise in nationalism, placing importance on militarization and military strength, spreading propaganda of the leader being the shit, all that jazz.

The most famous irl example, of course, being Germany.

The “united against the whole world as an enemy” is a big wet dream for regimes like this - it keeps the necessary war going to lead attention away from the country’s inner problems and the propaganda puts the population under easy control.

So yeah, I think it’s a good chapter - the thematic substance is interesting and nuanced and currently also relevant, but I wish it would just get to it already. There can be a point reached when exploring the pit gets repetitive and boring.

[awwishfulthinking]

A Look at Galaxy Angel II/3rd Manga Vol. 5

(tumblr why is your image upload function so weird, you either upload things as a tiny image or blow it up so big that it ruins the quality)

If you want to see more of my posts on this manga series, I’ve tagged them with “galaxy angel 2 manga” on my blog.

DISCLAIMER 1: I do not know Japanese at all so a lot of these “summaries” will be based on info I’ve gathered from the translated volumes that were officially released; as well as the Galaxy Angel fan wikia. I don’t claim any sort of plot accuracy in these posts, I merely wanted to give a brief run-down (as best as I can) of what happens in these volumes.

DISCLAIMER 2: I do not want to scan these volumes for fear of damaging the binding, so I’ve only taken photos. I’m not a professional photographer and don’t have a nice fancy camera so these photos are not so great. Due to my work schedule and life stuff that I need to take care of, I don’t have the time to touch these up beyond resizing and cropping them. Sorry.

~Chapter 21~

Volume 5 opens immediately with yet another video transmission sent out by Forte.

In the video transmission, Forte seems to make a reference to a network of satellites called “crust breaker.” They have enough power to completely destroy whole planets; and was the weapon used to take the planet Seldor hostage.

Nano Nano notices something strange about these video transmissions. If the manga is following the game’s storyline on this particular plot point, Nano realizes that Forte has been changing her words in every transmission. Takuto seems to pick up on this too.

The manga then suddenly switches scenes and the entire Luxiole crew is apparently given a short break to visit some hot springs located within the Luxiole. (Yeah, IDEK)

Tequila decides to make things more interesting and uses her magic to cover the entire area in a magical mist that (I assume) allows the people at the hot springs to see the person or thing they desire most. So Apricot and Kazuya end up seeing each other.

Takuto, predictably, gets to see Milfeulle. I have no idea if these are just illusions, or if Tequila was somehow magically able to teleport people temporarily to this place. Chalk it up to *magic* or something.

(anyway, Takuto’s and Milfeulle’s little reunion scene is the cutest thing and they are my OTP so I am biased)

So Lilly gets to meet with Forte (her mentor), Nano gets to meet Vanilla (who she considers a mom), Anise just gets a whole load of gold and treasure, and Tequila/Kahlua...

Get to meet each other.

The magic eventually fades, but everyone is refreshed afterwards and ready for the battle ahead.

~Chapter 22~

We get a brief flashback at the beginning of this chapter, to a time four years in the past. Milfeulle seems to be telling Apricot about the Absolute and the Central Globe.

There is... a lot of text here so I am not 100% sure about what’s happening. But I think Milfeulle is telling Apricot about how the Absolute and Gates to other galaxies work. Milfeulle so far is the only “Gatekeeper” that has been found, which means she’ll have to reside inside the Central Globe (the structure within the Absolute) for an unspecified amount of time in order to keep the Gate between Eden and Neue open.

Apricot is saddened by this, but Milfeulle accepts her fate with a smile.

Back in the present, the Luxiole has neared the planet Seldor. Kazuya and the other Angels set out in their ships and brace themselves in the battle against Forte’s fleet.

Suddenly, a transmission from Forte herself!

She and Takuto converse for a bit, and then it begins:

A full-on battle of might and wits between Takuto and Forte.

Magiic’s forces are also there to help out in the battle. They are led by Ranpha.

I didn’t explain this very well before (as it was already detailed in the officially translated volume 3), but Forte is only playing the villain here because she has her hands tied (figuratively) by some evil higher-up. This higher-up is threatening both her life and the entire existence of planet Seldor, forcing Forte to lead a coup as successfully as possible (under the higher-up’s orders). Forte’s only aiming for such high success because she doesn’t want there to be any possibility of an uprising or rebellion, which would increase casualties.

So anyway, there’s a big space battle against Forte’s own ships, and the Angel-tai are unusually absent from the fighting. But suddenly, they reappear to take out the crust breaker satellites encircling planet Seldor. Forte’s transmissions from before held hidden hints about the locations of these satellites. While Magiic’s fleet was holding off Forte’s forces, the Angel-tai members were working in the background to get close enough to take out the crust breakers.

One of the subordinates of the villain (behind this entire ploy) threatens Forte with a gun once he realizes that Forte was planning for these series of events to happen from the start.

but she’s just like “whatever”

Forte, however, appears to have something else up her sleeve (including a possible escape route).

Anyway, I love Forte, she’s a BAMF

~Chapter 23~

With the crust breakers destroyed, and Forte no longer playing along with his “game,” the main villain reveals his ship and himself to the Luxiole crew.

((I consult the GA fanwikia quite a bit for these next few sections))

Main villain dude is named Verel and he is an alien (he has some sort of wings on his back).

He shows the Luxiole crew a video transmission of himself and Milfeulle, who has apparently been put to sleep. Verel then embarks on a long, villainous monologue where he explains how he’s the last of his kind; and his kind were the original administrators of the Central Core; thus the Central Core and the Absolute belong to him. His desire to stage a coup on all of Neue was really just a part of his bigger plan to acquire the Absolute and become it’s sole ruler.

Takuto calmly asks about Milfeulle and Verel reassures everyone that Milfeulle is still alive and healthy (just asleep for the time being). He then rips a piece of her clothing I guess as a taunt or a threat.

Takuto gets MAD.

Verel then promptly flees, but not without causing some more ship carnage on his way out.

In the meantime, Forte has managed to escape her flagship by using a smaller vessel and is picked up by the Luxiole. There’s a happy reunion with every member of the Angel-tai. (...Except Anise, who has never officially met Forte until now.)

Takuto also personally arrives at the hangar to greet Forte, and there’s a really cute reunion scene.

Afterwards, Takuto calls a big meeting with the Angel-tai, so that he can explain some things.

Before the next big (and potentially final) battle, Takuto allows everyone to take a vacation on a nearby resort planet to rest up. And beach shenanigans ensue.

~Chapter 24~

These next few chapters basically play out like some sort of extended Beach Episode that shows up in a lot of anime, and I am pretty disappointed that this entire segment takes up so much of volume 5 (nearly half the book). These “beach chapters” do attempt to develop the main cast somewhat... but I can’t help but feel that it’s mostly an excuse to have the main girls be in bikinis and for there to be a lot of fanservicey moments.

Anyway...

Chapter 24 opens up with Apricot being suddenly afraid of Kazuya--most likely due to her developing romantic feelings towards him, as well as his swimwear making it more obvious that he’s male.

Some really dumb stuff happens that I don’t want to detail here, but it ends with Kazuya being punched into the sky by Apricot. We then get to see Forte and Ranpha having a convo about... something. (Probably catching up on things since they’ve been separated due to their work)

The other Angel-tai members eventually find out that Apricot’s suddenly real scared of Kazuya. Tequila tries to “help” again using her magic... to turn everyone into mermaids. Except Kazuya, who gets turned into some kind of pufferfish instead.

While in pufferfish form, Kazuya no longer scares Apricot and she’s really happy about this.

BUT SUDDENLY sharks appear and start chasing/attacking the Angel-tai. Apricot and Kazuya get separated from everyone else.

~Chapter 25~

While Apricot and Kazuya are lost at sea (still in their mermaid and fish forms), they’re discovered by a pod of dolphins and are led to some underwater ruins. Unfortunately, the ruins lie on top of a giant whale, which promptly swallows Apricot and Kazuya.

Apricot and (a human) Kazuya reawaken to find themselves on a little island inside of the whale’s stomach. And Tequila is also there... somehow.

The trio quickly find a way to escape, but Tequila notices that Apricot is still utterly afraid of Kazuya and can’t even bear to touch him. So Tequila gets the bright idea to turn Kazuya into a girl (temporarily).

Apricot takes this turn of events... uh. Badly.

Apricot and the now female Kazuya reunite with the rest of the Angel-tai... and they all marvel over/envy Kazuya’s new body.

I have no idea what happens in the next few pages, but Apricot seems to sort of get over her fear of (male) Kazuya by realizing that... there are other men way manlier than Kazuya is, and they scare her far more than Kazuya (with his boyish looks) does.

Uh. Yeah. *shoulder shrug*

~Chapter 26~

We then have a scene change to a later point in time, where Kazuya and Lily are having a secret training session.

All the other Angels are trying the enjoy the rest of their vacation in a relaxed manner.

(I mainly just took this photo because I love Tequila’s and Anise’s outfits and hairstyles.)

No one knows exactly what this “training session” entails. Apricot tries to play it cool and claims that she’s not bothered by it, but she seems spacier than usual...

The Angel-tai’s vacation finally ends. The Luxiole begins heading for the Gate to the Absolute. Some of Verel’s forces are stationed near this area.

Before another big battle, it’s revealed that Kazuya still has dreams about Mimoza. The two have become linked in some way--possibly through Kazuya’s ship, the Braveheart.

The battle against Verel’s fleet begins, and the Angel-tai fly out in their respective ships.

Lily asks Kazuya to merge the Braveheart with her Emblem Frame, the Eagle Gazer. Unexpectedly, Lily then completely blindfolds herself, to the shock of her teammates. She reveals that the “training” she underwent with Kazuya was basically to increase their trust in each other. By smashing watermelons (whilst blindfolded) with a stick, with only Kazuya to guide her; Lily and Kazuya are now able to work in perfect sync.

Or something like that.

Anyway this “training montage” panel is hilarious.

Lily’s completely insane strategy somehow works, and Lily and Kazuya quickly decimate Verel’s forces; clearing a path to the Gate.

Unfortunately, Kazuya and co. can’t celebrate yet; as more of Verel’s forces suddenly emerge from the Gate itself. Verel also apparently seals off the Gate itself, closing the entrance to the Absolute, where the Central Core and Milfeulle reside...

Volume 5 ends here.

Bonus pictures:

At the very end of the manga, we get a rare drawing from Kanan featuring Lester! (He almost looks like a completely different person without his signature eyepatch...)

There’s also a similar drawing featuring Takuto, but my photo of it was bad. So have a photo I found of it somewhere on tumblr instead.

My book also came with a mini postcard thingie. I think it was a bonus for people who bought the volume on release day? It features Lily, Apricot, and Mimolette (drawn by Kanan) and it’s pretty cute.

See y’all next time in the FINAL VOLUME!

[segadores-y-soldados]

Moira: A Fate Fulfilled

“So it’s always interesting to think back on the ideation of a hero, you know - how do we start, we get that question a lot.  And with Moira, it was a little bit of gameplay and a little bit of story.  You know - we heard your feedback, you guys wanted a new healer in the game, and we felt the same way.  Um, so we really started there.  And uh, we have a lot of benevolent healers in the game - we have an angel, we have a monk, a mother, and the most upbeat, like, positive dj that you’ve ever met.  So we felt like it was time for something a little bit more morally ambiguous, a little bit more shady.  So we started there, and we started with these concepts.” - Arnold Tsang, Moira Reveal Panel (timestamp: 4:52 - https://youtu.be/HsJU3PEk9JY?t=292)

---

Question: yeah, so I know that Tracer was kinda inspired by the “Jumper” class in Titan and all that, and there was a couple of other heroes in Overwatch that were inspired by scrapped classes from Titan, and I was wondering if Moira was one of them, and what other types of abilities or class playstyles from Titan would you like to incorporate into future heroes of Overwatch? Geoff Goodman: Moira’s definitely like - completely [from] scratch, there wasn’t really anything there from Titan, and a lot of them were like that.

---

From scratch, huh?

---

In mid-June of 2016, a redditor posted a long and incredibly well-thought out theory, citing in-game interactions and designs, on why they believed Mercy was actually “the true villain” of Overwatch.

You can find the post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Overwatch/comments/4okg03/a_long_theory_mercy_is_the_true_overwatch_villain/

Perhaps their biggest hypothesis was that Mercy had been the one to incorrectly resurrect Blackwatch Commander Gabriel Reyes/Reaper, which had resulted in an antagonism between the two characters, one representing an “angelic savior” and the other representing “the embodiment of death.”  They concluded with:

Yes.

This is where the “Evil Mercy” theory really got started.

I remember it, because it was one of the first big “lore theories” on Overwatch I had ever read.

In time, the “Evil Mercy” or alternately, the “Mercy failed to correctly resurrect Reaper” theory spread pretty far.  Among the discussions was a cited interaction between the two characters that people swore they heard in the game.  This interaction goes something like this:

Mercy: This isn’t what I had in mind for you... Reaper: You knew exactly what you were doing.

Or alternately

Reaper: Remember, you’re the one responsible for all this. Mercy: This wasn’t my plan for you, Reyes...

Except there was a major problem.

Neither version of these supposed interactions existed.

Fans were baffled.  Many people were convinced it existed, or had existed and then been removed from the game.  The only source was an early Hammeh video from May 2016, just after the beta of the game launched, in which you can find the line:

Reaper: Don’t forget - you’re the one responsible for this. (https://youtu.be/PoKRFx5Sb5g?t=245)

However, unbeknownst to many fans, Michael Chu had debunked the existence of the exchange for a long time.

“I'm not sure where it came from (maybe there is another line that sounds similar to it), but the "this is not what I intended for you, Reyes" line/exchange does not actually exist in the game.” - Michael Chu, July 22, 2016 (https://us.battle.net/forums/en/overwatch/topic/20747844983#post-16)

The theory continued to spread until Michael retweeted his Blizzard Forums post on his twitter in January 2017 (https://twitter.com/westofhouse/status/822513004784664576?lang=en)

After that, it started dying down.

But it was about that same time that fans of the game began asking for a new support hero -

A morally-ambiguous or even outright evil one. (Real talk, you will get hundreds if not thousands of post on this exact subject if you search “evil healer” or “Talon healer” in the Overwatch subreddit, some as far back as 7 or 8 months ago, so March-ish, and at least a few as old as a year ago).

Most of the fan ideas about an “evil healer” involved some sort of life-leech or life-draining ability in which the “evil healer” could draw health from opponents and then redistribute it to their allies, pretty standard to a fantasy warlock or black mage-type character, except modified for Overwatch’s “firm sci-fi” settings.

Meanwhile, what flew quietly under almost everyone’s radar was the release of Oasis, first onto the PTR in December 2016, and then live servers in January 2017.

As far as I can tell, Hammeh was once again the only source really covering the surprisingly dark and morally ambiguous intent of some aspects of the map.  You can find that here: https://youtu.be/6GE11k0X9sQ?t=337.

More importantly -

Hammeh was the first source to compare Oasis directly to the Solder Enhancement Program.

Hammeh: “Remember that...Oasis in the present-day, we’ve had the Soldier Enhancement Program, or whatever took effect on Jack Morrison and Gabriel Reyes for - roughly - twenty-six years or so ago?  Given that Morrison and Reyes - pre-his current existence as Reaper, of course - were the products of that twenty-six-year-old program, what could a city of scientists...without perhaps any moral limits on their research, have achieved in Oasis?”

(Congrats on calling it, Hammeh, you deserve mad props) And he brings up a point very near and dear to my heart:

Hammeh: The last known place that we’ve seen Mercy was actually in a Middel Eastern area - I sort of estimated, trying to guess from this map, it could be maybe Iraq or Iran, but what if she was, perhaps, in Oasis?  What would she be doing here?  But, who knows?  It’d be fascinating if we saw Mercy turn up at Oasis at some time in the future.  Given that Mercy made big breakthroughs in nanobiology, one wonders if, maybe, she worked with some people in Oasis...or not.  Complete speculation, but I could see it working.

Sometime after Uprising, in May 2017, I posted a (rather rambling) essay on how Overwatch was incorporating “horror stories” and “tales of the apocalypse” into the game, even “in fun modes” like Junkenstein’s Revenge.  But one of the big points was that I speculated on the possible Mercy-Oasis connections:

http://segadores-y-soldados.tumblr.com/post/159665523340/overwatch-apocalypse-now

The most important one, however, is this set (I cannot find the direct quotes, so I’m basing this off memory but):

Sombra: “What are we doing here?” Reaper: “We’re here to see an old friend.”

Now this is extremely interesting.  One of the prevailing fan theories is that Angela “Mercy” Ziegler may have connections to Oasis - she is depicted in the Recall short as being located somewhere in the Middle East, particularly somewhere in present-day Iraq, which is where “the city of Oasis” is located.  In the Reflections comic, she is shown to be working on some sort of “active field duty” in a tent that is brightly-lit.  In the “We Are Overwatch” short, she rescues a young girl on the edge of a large city with multiple skyscrapers in the background.

I know there is already speculation that, if Mercy is in fact located in Oasis, Reaper is “out for her.”  Another version of the theory goes that Reaper is coming to see her to ask her for help with his current state of existence (note that I am not a fan of the “Mercy botched saving Reaper” theory because that has been effectively debunked by Chu).

Because if there is anyone capable of helping Reaper restore himself, it would be “the doctor of death herself,” Angela Ziegler.

We know from Dragons, Recall, Hero, and the Museum Heist that 1) ultimates such as the Dragons and Tactical Visor are canon, 2) Reaper is capable of transforming himself into smoke, 3) Winston’s in-game abilities - including his Rage ultimate - are canon.  At the moment, there is no reason to believe that Mercy’s Resurrection ultimate is not canon.  People will no doubt argue that I’m making a leap of logic here, but until confirmed otherwise, I’d say it’s likely that all Ultimates are canon.

And therefore this means that Mercy knows how to revive the dead.

More than anything, this means that if Mercy is associated with Oasis, that we should be giving a solid, hard look at what exactly this implies for lore.  I’m not saying that Oasis “having Lovecraftian connotations is 100% canon,” but rather it is important to note that the types of references a story builds for itself almost certainly influences the type of story it wants to portray.  The fact that Mercy has not one, but multiple skins that are related to “raising the dead in morally-ambiguous ways” is telling.  She has two Valkyrie skins, the Imp and Devil skins, and the Witch skin (which literally carries “a book of life” on her).

Again, I already know these skins aren’t canon.  That’s beside the point.  The point here is that all of this combined creates a very ambiguous tone about Mercy and Oasis - the undercurrents of mistrust, the sensation that “something lurks in the city,” the feeling that “humanity is playing with forces it cannot control,” the idea that “a doctor who defies death” lives and works there, the idea that the “in-game embodiment of Death Himself” is going there to “visit an old friend.”  These are all things that build an eerie sense of foreboding.

Exactly as Lovecraft would have wanted it.

Lovecraft’s Nameless City builds the groundwork “lore” for his Cthulhu mythology.  The “nameless city” is a city in the Arabian desert, older than Babylon, implied to have been “lost” to the ages as humanity began to conquer the earth.  The ancient race that built the city retreated underground, where they continued their worship of the Great Old Ones.  The human protagonist of The Nameless City wanders deeper and deeper until he is beset by the presence of the ancient race and some form of the Great Old Ones, ostensibly for “intruding on a realm he had no right to access.”

Sorry for the long quote, but I was ecstatic to see Zenyatta get a Cthulhu-based skin this Halloween, because directly after this Oasis part, I talk about Zenyatta and his connections to “the unknowable.”

What the Overwatch team is building here is a series of “range of canon” background mythologies (some that are “non-canon but merely background white noise that colors how the players view the world,” to “these are kinda sorta canon and you should be paying attention to how we use these references,” to “these are outright canon and we will be using them blatantly for whatever we want”) that develop the world in a set of unique ways.  Even for the stuff that “isn’t canon,” it still exists in the game and it still tints how players interact with the characters, their personalities, and their story arcs.  Reaper’s Mariachi skins and Zenyatta’s Djinn skins may never matter “in the overall story,” but they still show small “slices” of personality that reveal something new about them.  Similarly, Zenyatta’s lines about his discord orb may never “make it to canon,” but they still demonstrate that “something dark” lurks within them.  

And this is, arguably, both the strength and weakness of this style of storytelling: anything and everything is open and available for use.  You can design a world where a map references the Tower of Babel and more or less imply that “the doctor who defies death” lives there, but you can change this at the drop of a hat.  You can create a robot monk whose abilities rely on amplifying “the disquiet” in other characters’ souls, but then say that his statements on these abilities are not “canon.” You can craft a narrative surrounding three old comrades who have had a major falling out and then leave massive gaps in the explanation for this problem.  You gain freedom, flexibility, and openness in exchange for lore that stands on a foundation as steady as shifting sands.  

It is almost undeniable that Moira fulfills nearly every aspect of these two fan theories: the first of “Evil Mercy” and the idea of her involvement with Reaper’s condition, and the second of “something dark lurks in Oasis.”

Moira is exactly what fans have been asking for -

With all the pros and the cons related to that.

---

In between the first postings of the “Evil Mercy” theory (and Michael Chu’s very soft denial of them) in the Summer of 2016, and the release of Oasis on the PTR in December 2016, a seemingly unrelated fandom event occurred. The large comic book “First Strike,” which was meant to detail the origins of the original Strike Team and their battles in the Omnic Crisis, was canceled.

The original post is, unfortunately, gone now, but bless reddit for having some of the best bots ever:

(https://www.reddit.com/r/Overwatch/comments/5do14r/first_strike_graphic_novel_update_canceled_via/da5z4mb/)

“While we are grateful to the team for the fantastic work they put into it, we’ve ultimately decided to take the story in a different direction.”

And

“In the years since First Strike’s conception, we have done a lot of development on the universe and its sotires.  While the core of this story remains, we have changed and expanded upon how we see the events that took place during the first days of Overwatch.” - Michael Chu

Several months later, in May 2017, Jeff Kaplan expanded on that in a Polygon interview:

“We sort of saw Overwatch really open up to the world, and listening to players and the stories they were telling and what they imagined the Omnic crisis to be really made us second guess what we were doing in First Strike,” said Kaplan. “We thought, ‘Hey, if we go down this path, it really closes all these doors.’”

Fan theories about the Overwatch cast’s pasts abound, and players produce fiction, art and other original content in droves. Although animated shorts and digital comics have had success in filling out the game’s universe — particularly the most recent comics, “Uprising” and “Reflections” — the Overwatch team found that a 100-page graphic novel no longer made sense as supplemental reading material, six months into the game’s life.

“Part of the magic is that everything is not tied off and explained to players,” Kaplan said of keeping Overwatch’s canon less defined. “There’s a lot going on in Overwatch right now where I think that the story in players’ heads is often even cooler than what we can deliver to them.”

(https://www.polygon.com/2017/5/17/15655410/overwatch-first-strike-canceled-jeff-kaplan-interview)

Many fans were bitterly (and rightfully) disappointed at the cancellation - the Omnic Crisis is one of the most speculated and discussed concepts from the Overwatch universe, along with the five main heroes (Gabriel Reyes, Jack Morrison, Ana Amari, Reinhardt Wilhelm, and Torbjörn Lindholm) that it involved.

However, the cancellation was quickly followed by a new wave of creator-fan controversy when a fan asked Michael Chu on his twitter if the word “decades” in Reaper’s hero profile was, in fact, accurate or a typo.

You can find the whole exchange here:

https://twitter.com/to_grok/status/826487157430874112

User:  Thank you for responding. But does that mean Reyes has been Reaper before Overwatch fell? 

Michael: I'll let you draw your own conclusions, but the wording on Reaper's bio is intentional. 

The response sparked a massive wave of renewed discussions on the ways heroes and villains are written and portrayed, both in Overwatch and larger media (a discussion I was a part of).  People were (rightfully) furious with the implication that Gabriel Reyes - a hero in the Omnic Crisis - had actually been undermining his own organization for “decades” under an alias, or that he had been suffering from wraith-like powers and pain for nearly thirty years without any of his friends and allies noticing.  Once the fury cooled down, some people began to toy more with the idea, and the concept that “something had been off with Gabriel” since his involvement in the Soldier Enhancement Program grew quietly among fans.

What was also slowly realized in between the two “controversies” was that there was the increasing likelihood that the “different direction” Michael had originally mentioned in regards to cancelling “First Strike” was actually probably specifically in regards to Gabriel Reyes/Reaper and his eventual role as an antagonistic character in the present storyline of Overwatch.  Despite being “villainous,” Reaper is one of the most popular and immediately recognizable characters in the Overwatch cast, and has led to the creation of hundreds of thousands of fanart, fan stories, comics, memes, jokes, videos, posts, discussions, and ideas.  Previews of the “First Strike” comic had Gabriel Reyes cast in heavy shadows, looking rather omnious compared to the other characters, and it also showed him in his Blackwatch uniform, a division which hadn’t actually been made yet.

In his late February-early March GDC talk, Michael Chu went on to say this quote about the “villains” of Overwatch:

“What’s important to us is that their motivations are not purely rooted in being evil, despite how they might seem on the surface.  As we reveal more about these characters, we want people to be able to empathize and understand their beliefs.  Because sometimes what makes a villain a villain is the extent to which they’re willing to go to reach their goals.  And one thing that we find most important when we’re talking about our villain characters is that there is nothing to say that a villain cannot be as charismatic or more charismatic or as likeable as a hero character - because, like the old saying goes, ‘every villain is the hero of their own story.’” 

The picture during the presentation was of Junkrat and Roadhog, but it was very clear that all of the Overwatch “villains” were a part of this category: Widowmaker, Sombra, and yes, Reaper.

Moira, without a doubt, fits into this category as well, but more than that -

Moira very likely represents some of that “different direction” the Overwatch development team decided on between the game’s release in May 2016 and the cancellation of “First Strike” in November 2016

Especially in regards to Gabriel Reyes/Reaper.

In fact, along with the quotes by Arnold and Geoff listed at the beginning of the post - 

I think it’s highly likely that Moira was created as a direct response to everything that has happened between the game’s release and now.

Moira may be the first true “fan-feedback” character created on the Overwatch roster.

The other four characters that have been released since launch - Ana, Sombra, Orisa, and Doomfist - where all largely conceptualized before the game came out, but were staggered for release over the course of a year.  While many fans thought they had input on Sombra and Doomfist in particular, it became very clear that, once the two heroes were released, they were drastically different than what anyone expected or predicted.

Moira, on the other hand, covers several things fans have been asking for since at least June 2016: the “evil Mercy”/“evil healer” with a lifeleech ability, a lore connection to the sinister parts of Oasis, a Talon “support” character with moral ambiguity, and a “different direction” that permits the Overwatch developers to possibly give more freedom of morality and a wider ranger of plot backgrounds for other popular characters - chiefly Gabriel Reyes/Reaper, but also Jack Morrison/Soldier: 76, Angela Ziegler/Mercy, Sombra, Genji Shimada, Jesse McCree, Amélie Lacroix/Widowmaker, Akande Ogundimu/Doomfist, etc.

However, she also constricts certain “plot ranges”/“plot twists” now - the revelation by Nesskain that Gabriel Reyes was “scared” over his enhancement or shift into “Reaper” is both surprising and enlightening.

(oh look, a Blackwatch version of the Valkyrie suit.)

https://twitter.com/nesskain/status/926674887615188992

Now, it’s entirely possible that Nesskain’s comment means very little to the developers, but he did also write that he is permitted to know the “People of interest. And a bit of story” when commissioned to make official art for Overwatch.

Which more likely means he was given the direction to make Gabriel look “scared” during his transformation process.

This immediately relieves some of the pressure that Gabriel Reyes chose to become Reaper, but it now puts the onus on Moira instead, and her decision to possibly experiment on him against his will (or in ways he did not agree to).

To summarize, the timeline of post-game-release events looks like:

June 2016: Major posts on "evil Mercy" start going viral. 

July 2016: Michael Chu denies the interactions between Mercy and Reaper exist.

November 2016: First Strike is cancelled. 

November 2016: the first few posts on "we need an evil healer in the game" start appearing. 

December 2016: Oasis is released on the PTR - Hammeh releases his first video speculating that "someone with darker science" is at Oasis and/or Mercy is at Oasis.

January 2017: Oasis is playable on live servers. 

early February 2017: Michael stands by his statement that "the wording on Reaper's bio is intentional." 

late February 2017: Michael has his GDC talk - discusses unreliable narrators and “villains” being heroes of their own stories.

April 2017: Uprising is released showing Gabriel Reyes in a more humorous, lighthearted manner. 

July 2017: Doomfist is released, revealing more aspects of Talon.  Moira is pictured for the first time. 

November 2017: Moira is revealed. 

---

What this all culminates in is a rather interesting mystery that connects several dots that people have speculated and discussed for quite some time.  Most surprisingly, the Overwatch developers actually decided to stick to their guns and put in some very intriguing tidbits that point to a combination of both “reworking” Gabriel Reyes/Reaper’s entire storyline and still “retaining” several details, while still meshing with fan desires and fan theories for a new healer.

Moira’s background and her current “plot” are almost perfectly designed to sell a brand new, well, direction for several aspects of the larger story.

It requires several steps to put it all together.

Step 1. Moira in Oasis

“Currently, in addition to her duties as a scientist for Talon, Moira was also invited by the Ministers of Oasis to become their Minister of Genetics, and so she is basically leading up their genetic research at the city - and this [referring to her Oasis skin] is what she’d wear when she’s over there.” - Michael Chu, 11:12 (https://youtu.be/HsJU3PEk9JY?t=672)

Cool.  So now we have a way to tie Oasis to the larger world of Overwatch (again, kudos to Hammeh for predicting that a character like Moira "without any moral limits” on conducting scientific research would come along), as well as expand on the shady and morally ambiguous aspects of the Oasis.

Step 2. Gabriel’s “decades”

“She was recruited by Gabriel Reyes to be a member of Blackwatch.  And uh, during that time she had relationships with the Blackwatch crew - McCree, Genji - they all have their own sort of likes and dislikes for each other.  Reyes wanted someone could help advise him on, uh, some matters of genetics that he was, uh, interested in, shall we say.” - Michael Chu, 3:47 (https://youtu.be/HsJU3PEk9JY?t=227)

In Moira’s lab of Genetics on the University map, you can find this folder in the spawn room.  It is brand new - 

And identical to another “lore detail” found in Dorado.

People have been attempting to predict Gabriel Reyes’ “SEP ID number” since the concept that “76″ was Jack Morrison’s SEP ID number was first theorized.  Lots of people picked things like 13 (“unlucky”), 666 (“the Devil’s number”), and 75 (“to go along with 76″), etc - these were all fairly common.  This writer picked 127 as a play on a holiday.

What the “Soldier: 24″ folder also seems to imply is that Gabriel has been having issues or side effects from SEP, thus retaining some aspects of his Hero profile saying “decades” on it.

In retrospect - 

It’s probably not a coincidence that Michael’s “the wording on Reaper’s bio is intentional” tweet follows the release of the Oasis map onto live servers by like...a month.

It’s also very clear that the Ministry of Genetics was always present on the map, right from the very outset, along with Reaper and Sombra’s interaction about “seeing a friend.”

Sombra: So what are we doing here boss?

Reaper: I need to pay a visit to a friend.

Which certainly played me like a damn clarinet, because man, I fell for it hook-line-and-sinker.

Of course, I was basing my predictions on this next part.

Step 3. “Evil Mercy”

“So, there is a connection [with Moira], but it’s actually not to Zenyatta, it’s actually more of a connection to Mercy.  Um, you know, they both worked together - obviously, Moira’s a part of Blackwatch, Mercy was a part of Overwatch, but she’s [Moira] has definitely taken and modified some of that tech.  There’s some evidence on the Oasis map that sort of hints at some of that.” - Michael Chu, 3:27 (https://youtu.be/CEQ_qDtyRHA?t=207)

The title of the paper reads “Genetic Conditioning and Regenerative Propertis of Applied Nanobiotics.” - by Dr. Angela Ziegler, MD. Ph. D.

You can also find a copy of Mercy’s research in Moira’s Genetics lab, which is is pretty sneaky way to incorporate the whole “Mercy’s technology failed to resurrect Gabriel” into this whole new storyline.  It’s hard to say if Moira specifically used Mercy’s technology (or a warped verison of it) on Gabriel, or if she’s taken Mercy’s tech and reworked it into her own healing beam, but the wink and nod to fan theories about “Evil Mercy” is pretty ingenius and somewhat sinister, Blizzard.

Step 4. A reason to fight

For a very, very long time, there were only two maps that lacked any clear connection to the overarching plot or lore of Overwatch: Ilios, and Oasis.  Everything else had some sort of story tie-in, either to a major character or a major event.  Sure, many maps lack a specific reason for six people to go brutally fight six other people in a parking lot, like...Hollywood...or Nepal... but they at least had a connection to someone or something.

Up until now, the biggest theory was that - well - Mercy might be chilling there and Reaper might be out hunting for her, but basically overnight that completely changed.

In theory, it would be enough to simply connect the map to Moira and be done with it (much like Nepal is simply connected to Zenyatta), but there’s a unique extra detail in the University map now.

This is the other spawn room on the Unversity map.  It mirrors Moira’s on the opposite side.

This is the Ministry of Chemistry logo.

Okay, seems alright, symmetry is important after all.

But there’s...an issue.

Title: “Repairing Degenerative Genetic Structures” with a large post-it note that says “Draft”

And that -

is the Ministry of Genetics logo

along with the title “Ministry of Genetics” in Arabic.

The “Ministry of Chemistry” spawn room

is this one:

Hmm.

I suspect Moira does not appreciate her fellow Minister running off with her research on a very...unique “test subject.”

And I also suspect “Soldier: 24″ does not want his secrets getting out.

And -

as the “map” from Necropolis shows us -

Reaper has to pay a visit to a “friend.”

...Even if she is “the one responsible for this.”

---

And before I get questions about the possibility of a romantic angle between Moira and Reaper, I’m just going to stop everyone right here:

Geoff Goodman: “It [Her Fade ability] has some similarities to Reaper’s wraith form…uh which is…it’s funny how that works out.” Michael Chu: “You know, we obviously - there’s a…there’s a close relationship between Moira and Reyes-slash-Reaper, and I think one of the fun things we were able to do is to sort of hint at some of those things in her, uh, abilities.” Geoff Goodman: “She’s helping Reaper out and is like, ‘You know, I think I could make this better, I have an idea.’” Michael Chu: “Professional relationship.” Geoff Goodman: “Ahaha, yes…good call.” Michael Chu: “You know what I’m talking about.” [Whole panel laughs] - Time: 14:49 (https://youtu.be/HsJU3PEk9JY?t=889)

The tone of the whole exchange makes it very clear that Michael (and Geoff) are emphasizing that the relationship between Reaper and Moira is literally just professional.

And...well...

I also have a username to uphold, so you know my stance on that.

What will be very interesting to see in the near-future are the in-game interactions between Reaper and Moira, as well as Moira and the other Talon members, Moira and the old Blackwatch agents, and Moira and Mercy.  Moira absolutely fulfills Michael’s quote here:

Michael: When we created Moira, we wanted her to have all these connections to characters throughout Overwatch history, through different groups. (Moira Reveal Panel)

And, more importantly - 

Michael: Who is Moira?  Well, most importantly, Moira is that new support hero character that you’ve been waiting for! (Moira Reveal Panel)

Moira is probably the first character created almost entirely from fan feedback and fan ideas, with the developers’ twists, after all.

When Geoff Goodman says that she was created “completely from scratch,” what he most likely means is that the Overwatch development team had no concept of her at the time of the game’s release.  She did not come from a scrapped Titan hero.  She did not come from a developer’s concept.  She did not come from another hero’s background.

She likely came from fan reactions to three main things: the request for a “morally ambiguous healer,” a “different direction” from the original background plot, and a way to enhance the underlying sinister and darker elements of Oasis (if it was not created in tangent with her ideation).

...

So, friends -

Be careful what “heroes” you wish for in the future

Because you might reap your rewards.

(The Blizzard devs are always listening)

[littleststarfighter]

The Last Jedi thoughts spoilers ahead

Had one hell of a wonderful time seeing the last Jedi with Jeu. A lot like grey Jedi there was things I loved and thing's I was disappointed with, and all the feelings between. But going to stick to what I liked rather than negatives, because I'm tired of negatives lately. So here's some thoughts, very rambling one's as I forgot half of my impressions. I think I talked most of them with Jeu and forgot. Probably talking bollocks but here’s my initial thoughts.

Hux lives!!!! so bloody happy. Hux was certainly different, wasn't sure I'd enjoy the change in giving him a more humorous take. But felt it added some personality or warmth to him. He's still the smarmy, ruthless, bitchy shit I loved. But the film really showed he has faults, he really has no experience in leadership or hell doesn't realise when someone is messing with him. He's pretty obtuse in that regard. Hux relies on his subordinates too much in the film to tell him what's happening. The older Dreadnought commander worked out Poe was taking out the canon's, while Hux mocked the single ship daring to attack the Dreadnought. Showing how little battle experience he has unlike other older commanders. He's a little lost boy brought into a life of war by his father who hated him, to think he's bigger than he really is. One manipulated by his elders and one who is clever, ruthless, ambitious and has plans, but underneath he seems to concentrate on what's in front of him rather than think ahead, like saying to ignore Holdos ship after pettily blowing up the other failing craft. Big mistake. He doesn't understand the desperation of cornered enemies. He's Snokes perfect foil to pit against Kylo in his wanting to be recognised for his authority, in turn to make him never question Snokes authority, despite how terribly Snoke treated him. Now Kylo. I loved that Kylo showed his intelligence here in manipulating the master manipulator Snoke. He played everyone, Rey most of all. He's all lies. Still one angry child which he showed when Luke faces him. Hux of all people had to tell him he was going to far with his anger. He's a mess in the film lashing out at anyone who hurts him. Tormented still by Han and now Luke. That 'see you later kid' from Luke must have thrown Kylo. It's such a Han line. Rey rejecting him and him not understanding why brought up the mother of anger issues. The last scene of him holding Han’s dice as they fade killed me. He's so lost. Looking forward to Ren being in charge and how that shapes the first order and Hux. Mostly because of the scenes of Kylo issuing orders and Hux repeating them. Kylos look of exasperation was a classic. Makes you think about their dynamic to come because Hux isn't loyal by far,  and those two will be at odds, and throats. I know a lot of folks saw their relationship as abusive in the film. But I feel it was brought about due to both being utterly exhausted and running on fumes, nary a pause after starkiller and emotions all over from relentlessly pursuing the resistance and Snoke being a prize arsehole to both. Hux willing to shoot an unconscious Kylo and Kylo choking Hux into calling him supreme leader. They both weren't at their best. I’m not defending what Kylo did, but it seems the only way Kylo knew to best Hux in that moment and make him surrender to his will. He still has to watch out for Huxs gun from now on. (still a bit angry at the throwing Hux around scene though. Have to try and get my thoughts on that settled.) Not that the choking seemed to stop Hux issuing order's after Kylo. Hux still has faith his troopers and commanders will listen to him. And Kylo wants to succeed in his grab for power so keeps Hux around, showing him who's boss in the only way Kylo knows from both their treatment at Snokes hand. Both he and Hux will have to learn to get along or the FO will fall. Perhaps with Snoke no longer leading their rivalry they can both learn to be leaders together. But not sure they will, they're both emotional messes letting feelings of superiority and anger rule them, just Kylo is more obvious. And their story parallels Poe who had to learn fast from Leia and Holdo what it means to be a leader. But I look forward to what fandom will do with their new dynamic. My Kylux heart wants them to start to see that together they bring out the best in one another, but at each other throats they will fail. I think we can create great things with them still. Poe I loved what they did with him. I loved his journey from cocky reckless pilot to becoming leader material. He’s been fighting all his life and wants to win by any means, it takes Leia and Holdo to show him the means don't justify the end.  I loved his relationship with Leia, the caring and respect. Even when he was being a idiot hothead. Poe probably reminds her of Han. Leia was wonderful. I tried not to cry but I failed when her and Luke we're finally reunited. And holly fuck she finally used the force. Her friendship with Holdo I loved. Also being an older women I loved seeing older ladies being in charge, getting to be brave (Holdo’s fateful choice saving everyone ) A lot of Star wars women are great fully formed characters you can look up to, not just young Rey and Rose, but older Leia and Holdo. But ahhhh man Luke you wonderful angst ball. He's made mistakes, big ones, but unlike Kylo he finally faced the things hurting him and found forgiveness from Leia and within himself. That he was the one to triggered everything with Ben’s turn was a surprise. I’m not sure how they set him up, to let himself give into dark and doubt when he did the opposite to turn Vader, was something I agree with. Loved his humour poking through the angst in teasing Rey with the reed, before he got serious again. Rey I love too. She spent so long looking for her family. Always looking to find herself in them, but finding she came from nobodies. I liked that because it shows Rey is powerful on her own. She's no legacy like Kylo (maybe, it could change by the next film.). Despite all her longing and hardship of the past she see's so much good in people. I hope by the end she finds the family she needs. She very much has it with the resistance and Leia. Plus finally Finn finds her and the hug was sweet. Finn's journey was something he needed. To stop running and be fearful, find something to follow he believes in. He's true rebel scum now 😜 I just wish his arch had kept him with the rebels, he could have faced this fears without that unnecessary storyline. Rose could show how it is for them while they fight to survive. I wish the battles had been better. The bombing run was amazing, very reminiscent of old ww2 planes and pilots. They even had ball turret's. But the other ship fights weren't quite as exciting. I loved the Rebellion and was gutted they lost so much. But It's like despite everything seeming so lost like Poe say's their belief in good and family and one another will light the flame of rebellion. I am left wondering in killing off most of the resistance how they will gather more? Stormtrooper uprising next???? With Finn instigating it. Ahh I have so many thoughts. There were negatives, Phasma facing Finn sadly wasn't so good, Snoke went out like a punk ass, but I choose to stick to the positives here.

Also so many ideas to draw and a slow computer are frustrating. I'll be posting some old art I did while away to make up for slowness with new. I'm determined to do a few before Christmas strikes. So fingers crossed. Sorry for the ramble. Been away a looong time and have so much I want to talk about. Off to go watch the film again and will probably change my mind on a lot of what I typed X_X

[grumpyzutara]

Necklace

I heard people liked the idea of an Anastasia AU, and truthfully so do I, so – here you go. The Earth Kingdom map will be a little skewed, so don't get critical over distances/time and places, etc. There will be changes to the Disney version, but that is what I'm inspired by. After I finish all of the connected prompts I'll post the combined effort on AO3, potentially adding scenes. I'll let everyone know if I do.

Memory loss is hard to explain to people who can remember everything, when they know who they were raised with and what they did 10 years ago. For Katya though, all she can recall is from the last 5 years. The first 15 years of her life was a blank canvas.

Ever since she woke up in the youth hospital, she had lived in an orphanage and when she aged out, she started working for them. Now, after budget cuts, she was forced to move out.

"Where are you headed," Toph, the headmistress and closest thing to a mother figure Katya had known. The short blind woman was "seeing" Katya off, standing on the cement steps.

"I don't know. There's a job posting for a nurse assistant in training up in the north, but I don't really want to go up there." Katya fiddled with the bag on her back. It contained everything she had collected and was very small. She hardly had any money. Even going to the north, she would have to find odd jobs along the way.

"But what does your heart say? You could go and explore, maybe figure out who your family was."

At the mention of family, Katya instinctively touched the necklace at the base of her neck. It was the only thing she still had from waking up in the hospital. The deep blue stone was worn smooth on the edges, veins of a lighter blue swirled throughout. On the front was a carving of a wave, flecks of gold still seen in the crevasses. The back held a single inscription – United.  

Katya had thought about her decision all day. "I think I'll go to Ba Sing Se and then find a way to Republic City. If I have family, they should be along there."

Toph gave her signature move of care, a punch to the shoulder, "You're smart, Sugar Queen, you'll figure it out. By the time you reach Republic City you'll have turned your thousand dollars into tens of thousands."

"I hope so." Katya started to walk away, wanting to avoid an emotional goodbye, but she couldn't. Rushing back, she pulled the older woman into a hug. "Thank you. I know everyone, myself included, doesn't say it enough, but thank you."

"Ah, don't get all mushy on me. Get outta here, scram!" Toph said while holding back a smile and tears at the same time.

"I promise I'll write to Jin, make her read out every word," Katya said, walking backward toward the front gate. "Even if I find my family, I'll never forget you." Katya didn't even try to hide it, she was crying with ease. This was the only home she ever knew. She was essentially homeless, hoping to get odd jobs along the way. She wasn't afraid to work hard. The small pack on her back held everything she had accumulated – which wasn't much.

The road to Ba Sing Se would be short, just a walk for an hour or two in chilly weather but she was bundled up. Sure, she had walked to the nearby town for food supplies, but Katya had never traveled this far and it would be even farther if her journey took her to Republic City.

She was making her way to the top of a hill that turned out to overlook Ba Sing Se when she saw the structure on the edge of town. It was a large house, more like a conglomeration of multiple houses, situated in the middle of an open area of land. Looking ahead, the road would pass right by.

The closer she walked, the more ornate the details appeared but also the more deserted. No cars. No animals. No people. Now it was obvious to her. This was the palace for the fallen monarchy.

It was whispered about all the time, but it happened right before she woke up, literally days before. The Last Tribal Royal Family had been killed in an uprising to form a new government, one dictated by the people living in it. Surprisingly, no one had moved in it would seem.

The front gate was boarded up but the gap in the ironwork was too intriguing. Since there wasn't a guard, she slipped through.

The abandoned palace was breathtaking. Made of white and blue stone, the sprawling building looked more like snow and ice than solid rock. There were carvings along the roofline, depicting water in multiple forms; streams, waterfalls, oceans, et cetera. It was beautiful and depressing. All this wealth and glory, and now it's not even used.

Though the windows were also covered by wood planks, one of the side doors was completely usable. What would it hurt to take a look inside?

The side entrance seemed to be used for servants as it was hardly decorated. The hallways were bare, all of the furniture was gone. Katya made her way through, as if she was following an invisible string telling her where to go.

The last door she pushed through opened to a large open room. The floor seemed to glow with the silver details inside the wood, even with the layer of dirt and dust. There were mirrors on every wall. Chandeliers with cobwebs. Large staircases perfect for grand entrances. This was the famed ballroom where it all began – the uprising.

Katya walked along, a few dusty tables remained but otherwise everything was taken, save for the large painting at the top of the stairs. Maybe it was too big to remove.

On the other side of where she came in were glass door that overlooked what was probably at one time a beautiful garden. Now, it sat in ruins and overgrowth.

"Hey, you there! What are you doing here?" A male voice shouted at her.

In an instant she was sprinting toward an exit. She didn't think she'd actually get caught snooping around but now that there was someone else here, she wanted out fast.

"Wait!" The sound of shoes running after her pushed her. "Wait! Just hold on!" She was no match for the man though as he caught her arm and turned her around. "What were you on the track team? Short distance sprint?" He was out of breath, puffing out the words. "Look you're not in trouble, I just wanted to know who you are and why you're here."

Katya looked up at the man. He was hardly older than her, wearing average clothes, though they were in better condition than hers. The palace wasn't his, was he the caretaker? She remained silent.

He sighed, pulled a hand through his saggy hair, accentuating the scar around his left eye. "Alright, fine, don't talk. You have to leave then. Go on, start moving."

"What's going on? I heard voices." Another male voice came drifting in through an open door. In seconds a plump, older man walked in.

"Shit," the younger man said under his breath. "Iroh, stay out of this. I found someone sneaking around. I'm just escorting them out."

The older man huffed, "That's no way to treat a guest. My dear, what on earth are you doing in a place like this? Are you alright?"

Katya thought for a second, "I was just walking by, wanted a look in. It seemed abandoned. Just let me leave and I'll be out of your hair."

"Seemed abandoned? You must not be from Ba Sing Se, no one has lived inside here for almost 5 years." Iroh said, curiosity sparking in his eyes.

"No, I'm from a village down the road. I was hoping to find some family in Ba Sing Se though. If not there, then I'll go to Republic City."

"What's their name? Maybe we can be of assistance. My nephew, Zuko, here has quite the network of contacts."

Katya blushed in embarrassment, "Well, that's the thing. I don't know. I lost my memory and my family at the same time. I just hope I can figure things out." She blew out her breath, "Look, I'll just get out of your hair. Which is the way out?"

"My name is Iroh, if you have troubles in Ba Sing Se, look for the tea shop in the lower ring. Try the door on the right. Safe travels."

Iroh was very kind and warm, Katya wished she had met him during another time. If she had extra money to spend, the thought going to a tea shop sounded lovely. But she didn't have extra money to spare, so she'd probably never see him again. She nodded goodbye and started to walk away.

With her back to the men, she heard the younger man ask, "What is your name? You do have a first name, don't you?"

Katya rolled her eyes and turned back to face him, "Of course I have a first name, I just might not feel like telling you." Now it was time for Zuko to roll his eyes. "If you must know, it's Katya."

"You don't look like a Katya to me."

"Oh, and what do I look like to you?"

"You look annoying." Iroh could hardly contain his laughter, the pair were so well suited for each other.

"Now Nephew," Iroh stepped between the pair and turned his shoulders to face the large painting on the wall. "Can't you see the resemblance?"

Zuko stared but all he could see was a painting of the Last Tribal Royal family. They were dressed in ceremonial furs and positioned just so. As far as artistic value goes, it was extremely detailed with flecks of gold still clinging to the canvas. "What are you talking about Uncle? I don't see anything?"

Iroh pulled him in closer to whisper, "Look closer. Does that necklace not look familiar? And before you say it’s a knock off, I will tell you now that I've not seen one like it since the fall of the family. She could be the one. Or at the least, a very passible copy."

"So, you say you want to go to Republic City," Zuko said after a minute's consideration, turning quickly to address Katya, who stood with her arms crossed and attitude in her hips, "ahem, that's where we're headed and we happen to have one extra ticket. Unfortunately, its reserved for her, the Last Princess Katara. We're hoping to reunite her with her Grandmother."

"What are you talking about, everyone knows they're all dead."

"They say that most of the family is dead. However, there are rumors that the princess still lives." Zuko started to circle around Katya, giving her an exaggerated look-over. "My uncle and I just so happen to be believers of that theory."

Katya gave a noise of frustration, "Would you stop circling me like a hawk? Get to the point. I'm not the princess, so why are you telling me about this extra ticket?"

Iroh swooped in, lightly turning her to face the same painting, "You say you don't remember anything and you've lost your family. For all you know, you could be the lost princess. Look into the eyes of the little girl in the painting, does she look familiar at all? We just want to help a lost girl to find her Gran Gran again."

It was like a cold bucket of water was poured down her back. She had to have heard that term before, and maybe it was the context of this woman being hers, that she felt in the back of her mind, she called her grandmother Gran Gran.

"How...how do you know?" She stuttered to whisper.

Iroh looked at her with sad, curious eyes, "How do I know what?"

"That she called her grandmother Gran Gran? That's not a very royal title." Katya's gaze was still glued to the painting. Of course, since it was a formal painting, they all looked fairly happy. A grandmother, parents and two children. A family. Real people. It didn't seem possible that she could have ever belonged to theirs.

"I was once the esteemed aid to the High Court Judge. I spent a lot of time with the adults of the Tribal Royal Family. The children growing up were kept from public view, but many people called the King's Mother Kanna by that nickname." His face darkened, "I don't agree with the fall of the family, but I am happy that at least she was able to escape. I just hope that maybe...maybe we stumbled upon one more survivor." Iroh chuckled to break up the mood, "I apologize, do you want to stay for tea while you think about our offer?"

Katya took Iroh's outstretched elbow and he guided her to a different door. All the while, Zuko had his arms crossed, constantly appraising her behavior.

"Um, sure. A cup of tea doesn't hurt."

They ended up in a kitchen that was in decent condition. The pair obviously had taken up residence inside the palace, they hadn't been just passing through like her. They were silent, save for Iroh's humming, as he prepared the treat.

"What would happen if I said I wanted to go to Republic City as the lost princess?" Katya said once she had a warm cup between her hands.

Zuko pushed off of the counter that he had been leaning on. "For starters, we'll have to get you to look the part. Right now, you don't sound or act like a princess. Then after a week, we'll introduce you to the King's Mother Kanna."

"Oh, so I don't sound like a princess, why am I not surprised you'd make that comment." Katya made a bit of a face to go along with her attitude, showing exactly what Zuko had been saying.

Iroh, ever the peacekeeper, stepped forward to poor more hot water in their cups. "Lesson one, princesses don't argue, they rebuttal."  

To be continued tomorrow with Dancing.

[lgbtfalloutwinterholiday]

[fic] Veronica Santangelo/Christine Royce

Happy Holidays!

Here is @nomette ‘s submission for @ffferris with Veronica and Christine.

Pairing:  Veronica Santangelo/Christine Royce Summary:  Veronica & Christine have a happy holiday together, can be set during any time (like past, in-game, or post-game), bonus if you want to throw in other characters also having a good time but no need to feel obligated to do that, & bonus for incorporating trans headcanons. Word Count: 2,542 Rating: Safe for work

It’s the 24th of December, and the Lucky 38 smells of tamales, pine needles and a mysterious mix of fruit that Raul’s been boiling for hours. Veronica and Arcade must have tracked down every package of Dandy Boy Apples in the Commonwealth to make this drink, but she doesn’t mind. It’s the holidays. Arcade’s put up some kind of weird candelabra he calls a menorah, and there’s a pile of presents sitting in the Rec Room and a bunch of lumpy stockings nailed to the walls, courtesy of Lily’s knitting needles. The V on Veronica’s stocking looks kind of like a U, but she’s not going to complain, not when Christine’s stocking is hanging next to hers.

Veronica pauses in the doorway to the rec room and leans against the doorway, enjoying the moment. Cass and Boone are playing pool, Rex is sprawled out on the floor, and the Courier and Christine are hanging spent bullet casings on the Christmas tree. Christine’s hair has just cleared two inches, and it sits in a little fuzzy lump on top of her head. Veronica feels a little kick of delight every time she looks at her. She can’t believe she’s gotten so lucky.  Christine didn’t come back from the Sierra Madre the same- she barely talks now, and her hair has only just begun to grow back out, and her scars- but she’s still Christine, and Veronica still loves her, every piece.

“You going to come help?” the Courier asks.  She’s a skinny, half-feral little thing who doesn’t talk much and doesn’t like to sleep in the same place more than once. Veronica’s always finding her asleep in random corners of the casino, her little hammock dangling between chairs or casino tables. Veronica doubts she’s seen two decades, but Benny’s bullet knocked half the memories out of her head, so there’s no way to know.

“I carried that thing halfway across the wasteland,” Veronica says. “I think I’ve done my bit.”

“But it’s fun,” the Courier says, puzzled. “Boone’s showing me how to identify the different kind of bullet casings. This is a .38, see?” She holds up a mangled piece of metal, beaming.

“Good job, kid,” Boone says.

“I’m more of a Power Fist kind of girl,” Veronica says, flexing to show off her weapon. The Courier contemplates Veronica, then glances back at the tree.

“We could put it on top,” she says, sounding kind of dubious. Christine makes a muffled snorting sound and bursts into laughter.

“No way,” Veronica says, wrapping a protective hand around her power fist.

“I think that’s a great idea,” Christine manages between giggles. “You have to admit, it would match the tree.” The tree- a scraggly looking young pine Veronica dragged all the way from the mountains near Jacobstown- is covered in bullets casings and caution tape. Several glowing bottles of Nuka-Cola Quantum have been wedged between the branches. The tree looks like it’s ready to come to life and stage an uprising against humankind.

“I don’t know,” Cass says thoughtfully, and smirks around the rim of her glass of whiskey. “I think it would look pretty good with Boone’s beret on top.”

“No,” Boone says.

“It is colorful,” the Courier says thoughtfully.

“No,” says Boone, and Veronica takes advantage of the distraction to slip away.

Arcade and Raul are in the kitchen, along with a alrge pot of what Raul calls “ponche” and an even larger pot of tamales. Rex is sprawled out in front of the oven, keeping an eye on the large chunk of Brahmin which has been roasting since this morning. He catches sight of Veronica and whimpers and wags his tail.

“Don’t listen to that faker, we’ve been giving him scraps all day,” Arcade says cheerfully.

“When are you going to give me scraps?” Veronica asks, and imitates Rex’s mournful face. Arcade gestures to the stove.

“There’s unmashed potatoes, refried beans, apple pie, carrot cake, Cass’s jalapeño cornbread, Cass’s go-blind eggnog, and ponche. Knock yourself out.”

“Unmashed potatoes?”

“Well, I haven’t mashed them yet,” Arcade says. “I’ve been busy with the tamales.” He and Raul have made what looks like about a million tamales to Veronica, and they’re only partway through the huge tub of masa. There’s a whole assembly line on the table- masa, leaves, stewed brahmin, chickpeas. Raul looks up from his current tamale and grins.

“You wanna eat, mija? You better work. Those tamales aren’t going to fold themselves.”

“Oh-fine!” Veronica says. It’s this or get robbed of her power fist, she supposes, and she’s always liked mashing potatoes. Halfway through mashing, she feels a warm pair of arms around her waist, and looks back to find Christine, her head leaning against the small of Veronica’s back.

“Hey there,” Veronica says happily. “You come to bust me out of this life of labor?”

“Nope,” Christine says, and stands on her tiptoes to peer over Veronica’s shoulder. She’s so small. Back in the day, Veronica used to pick her up and cart her around the bunker at every possible opportunity.

“Hmmm,” Christine says, and sneaks a bit of potato onto her finger and licks it off. A small smile sneaks onto her face, and Veronica can’t help but blush. She’d mash a hundred potatoes just to see that smile. She leans over and plants a kiss on Christine’s cheek, and Christine flushes and ducks away, smiling.

Neither Raul nor Arcade say anything; Raul is engrossed enough in his tamales that Veronica doubts he’s even noticed, but Arcade gives her a wink. It’s nice to be among friends. Christine settles down next to the Raul at the table and pokes at one of the finished tamales.

“So, how do you make one of these?” she asks Raul.

“Well, you start with the leaf…” Raul begins.

It takes them another two hours to get through all the tamales, and everyone is hungry by the time they sit down at the table and start serving food. Lily has a custom-made seat just for her, an early Christmas present from Raul and Boone to allow her to sit at the table with them. Veronica, Christine and Arcade are on the right side, Boone, Cass and Raul on the left. The Courier sits at the head of the table, food already piled on her plate.

“You want to say grace, mija?” Raul asks the Courier.

“Grace?” she asks, a little line appearing between her eyebrows.

“It’s traditional to thank God before eating a big meal,” Arcade explains.

“Uh, sure,” the Courier says. She clasps her hands together, then begins to speak. “Thank you Hestia, Goddess of the Hearth, for growing the crops, and thank you Hermes for my good luck, and thank you Hades for my life. I promise to kill a legionnaire in your name before the New Year, thank you, amen.”

“Fascinating,” Arcade says, and gets elbowed by Christine. The courier is a little weird, but so is Arcade, and he doesn’t have the excuse of being a teenaged ex-slave. “Uh, amen,” he says hastily. Cass looks like she’s trying real hard not to laugh. Boone lifts his glass and grins.

“To killing legionnaires,” he says, and everyone around the table echoes the sentiment. They clink glasses, and everyone digs in. Raul’s punch is fruity and sweet, with a faint hint of sunset sarsaparilla, almost almost worth the trouble it took Christine and Veronica to find twenty boxes of Dandy Boy Apples. There’s a mountain of tamales, some heinously spicy cornbread, moonshine, apple pie, pinto beans stewed with molerat, carrot cake, eggnog, roasted brahmin, gravy, and mashed potatoes.  

Back at the Brotherhood, they mostly ate variations on carrots and potato, since they couldn’t get much to grow around the bunker. Fried potato, mashed potato, boiled potato, potato soup, potato salad- every potato and then some. Veronica skips the mashed potato and goes for the cornbread and roasted brahmin, and sees Christine do the same next to her. They grin at each other, and Christine serves Veronica a slice of pie.

“What’s in this?” Arcade asks, shoving a piece into his mouth. “I thought Raul used all the apple in his ponche.”

“Mutfruit,” Cass says matter-of-factly. “Some other stuff too, but I don’t kiss and tell.”

It’s quiet for a while as everyone stuffs their face. At first, the Courier had to be bullied into eating with a fork instead of with her hands, but she came around after Veronica pointed out that if you carry a fork and knife with you, you can also use them as back-up weapons. The Brahmin is spicy and savory, with a crisp outside and a juicy inside, and it vanishes as fast as people can cut pieces free. Everyone has at least one of Raul’s tamales, and Boone has three. The man puts away food like a refrigerator.

Afterwards, when they’re all full enough to burst, one of the securitrons comes in and clears the plates, and Rex finally gets his plate of scraps.

“I feel like the casino is going to collapse under my weight,” Cass says, groaning.

“Could that happen?” the Courier asks. She doesn’t look worried, only curious. Veronica supposes that once you’ve been shot through the head, a little building collapse probably doesn’t sound too bad.

“Probably not,” Arcade says hastily. He starts in on an explanation of how architecture works, but Veronica doesn’t hear any of it, because Christine has reached out under the table and taken her hand. One by one, she laces their fingers together. They used to do this back at the dining table in the hall, but back then it was one part bravado and one part fear. Veronica isn’t scared anymore. It doesn’t matter if anyone sees.

But she doesn’t need to show them. It’s enough that she and Christine know. Christine runs her thumb gently over the edge of Veronica’s hand, and they stay there like that, smiling, together at last. Dinner conversation turns from mutfruit to apples to weird things they’ve eaten, and Cass disgusts them all with tales of some truly dubious liquor. She and Boone are well on their way to being smashed, which bodes poorly for the midnight fireworks they promised the courier.

Only the Courier’s excited demand to get them all to the Christmas Tree for presents dislodges them from the table. Veronica and Christine walk, hand in hand, to the rec room, followed by a slightly staggering Boone and a very staggering Arcade, who got stuck supporting him. The debate about the star has been settled by ED-E nesting on top of the tree like a very strange bird.

Veronica settles onto the couch, and Christine settles onto her lap. Christine is light, a pleasant weight, and she grins when Veronica sneaks a kiss onto the side of her face. The Courier, oblivious to the people watching her, tears into her first present. It’s a framed piece of paper- nothing more than a contract, really. The Courier isn’t very good at reading. She looks at the paper, her lips moving as she tries to sound out the words.

Arcade, ever thoughtful, underlined the relevant part.

“... the undersigned Ca-Can-tra-ta,” the Courier says, frowning. “Cantrata. What does that mean?”

“Veronica and I did some research,” Arcade says. By research, he means that they broke into a privately owned building, but no one needs to know that. The man at the front desk of the Mojave Express deserves it for being so unhelpful, anyway, and it’s not like they stole anything valuable. “We looked up the records from when you were hired, and found what you signed as. It’s your name. Cantrata. I think it comes from Cantare, to sing.”

The courier looks at the paper, then at Arcade.

“My name,” she says, and repeats it. “Cantrata.” A strange look crosses her face. “I used to sing,” she says to herself,  then gets up and launches herself at him. Arcade wraps his arms around her and pats her back.

“Hey, I helped,” Veronica says, and Arcade gestures for her to join in the hug. The three of them squish awkwardly together on the couch, and for a moment Veronica is on the verge of having a real Christmas feeling.

“Thank you!” Cantrata says, and wiggles out of the hug. “I got you something too!” Whatever it is, it’s apparently too big to fit under the tree, because Cantrata runs out of the room. There’s a loud clunk, and then she comes back hauling a huge power fist painted entirely in teal and pink.

“It sets off explosives when you punch people,” she says solemnly, and hands it to Veronica.

“Uh,” Veronica says, and picks it up. One side has a yellow warning sign on it. The other side has Veronica’s full name written on it in beautiful pink calligraphy, complete with a little heart dotting the i. There’s little rhinestones around the cuff. The courier must have hired someone to bling it out.

“It’s beautiful,” Veronica says solemnly, and Cantrata grins.

“Open your next present,” she says.

There’s a matching dress.

Veronica’s final haul is a power fist from Cantrata and a dress from Arcade and Cass, a new waist pouch from Boone, a blanket from Raul, a lumpy sweater from Lily, and one more thing. After the festivities have died down, Veronica and Christine go back to their room and shut the door.

Christine’s presents come in two colorful little bags. The first one is light.  Veronica lifts it out to find a cute little bra and underwear set. There’s not very much of it.

“You can wear it under your dress,” Christine says, flushing.

The second pair is a set of shoes, likely looted from some vault. They’re a little dusty, but they fit well. Veronica slips her feet into them, and remembers. Back when she and Christine were kids in the bunker, it was a common game to talk about what you’d do when you left. No one ever left, of course, but it was fun to pretend that you would. Some kids wanted to be ranchers, some wanted to be singers, some wanted to be gamblers or rangers or deathclaw tamers. Veronica wanted to be a princess. She wanted to have a pretty dress, and live in a colorful, safe place where they never had to eat potatoes or worry about raiders. She wanted someone to love her, not for what she could do for them, but for who she was.

“A glass slipper, for my princess,” Christine says, smiling.

“I could be in rags, and you’d still make me feel like a queen, Christine,” Veronica says, and crosses the room. Christine’s hands are so small in her own. “But the pretty dress sure helps.”

“You were a princess when we were in a hole in the ground,” Christine whispers. “But you finally made it to your tower. Merry Christmas.”

On the roof, Boone, Cass and Raul are drunkenly shooting off fireworks. The sound rings through the air. Outside the window, sparks rain down over the strip in showers of gold and green, but Veronica only has eyes for Christine. Their lips brush, and for a single perfect moment, the world is exactly as Veronica has always dreamed.