#shes too smart and all of her questions being unanswered frustrate her

[r0mc0m]

these lyrics? yeah

[acourtofthought]

Hi I hope you're doing well :) I just wanted start by telling you that this blog is my daily serotonin boost. I love reading your analyzes so much. So thanks for sharing them <3

Annnnd I have a silly question. I love Elucien and I'm at the point where nothing else in the Acotar universe (or sjm multiverse swh) interests me anymore. I just wanna see their storyline. I've never read Crescent City series and since the next book is the closest thing to getting an update on how our fox boy is doing I'm considering giving it a shot. But I don't what to read a bigilion pages about how perfect and smart and winged and dark and well-dicked some guys are and a little plot that doesn't make any sense by the next book. Do you think I should just stop complaining and give it a shot? Or maybe it won't worth it since the next book won't even mention Lucien 😒 Do you think he will be in it?

Thank you for your message!!!! I'm sorry I've been a bit absent from blogging the last few weeks, I hit one of those slumps where I'm frustrated with the lack of ACOTAR news. Like you, I adore Elucien and considering they have been an unanswered mystery since 2016 (I feel empathy for anyone who has been waiting for answers since then!!), it gets to a point where the not knowing can be aggravating. As to your question about Crescent City, I don't think we're going to see much (if any) Lucien in Crescent City 3. Lucien shares information about Spring and the Human Lands with the IC but we've yet to see that in reverse, where the IC shares information with Lucien. He wasn't included in the discussion about the made weapons, he wasn't included in their plans for Nesta's training, etc. Which I understand because he's not really part of the IC. I think after Bryce's arrival in Prythian, the IC is going to want to keep it as much a secret as they can (for now) until they can figure out exactly what consequences her arrival could have for the rest of their world. Announcing that they had a visitor from outer-space would only cause panic among the courts at this point (the courts are already struggling to figure things out after the war and the wall having come down) and Rhys tends to hold information close to the vest until he figures out the next steps. Maybe Helion will make an appearance in CC3 but I can't see any other side characters outside the NC being brought into the crossover in January. I do think Lucien will eventually learn of everything that happened in CC3 but in a future ACOTAR novel. And I don't think when the next ACOTAR novel starts, it will delve right into the crossover. SF ended with the characters worried about Beron allying with Koschei, with the fae on the continent refusing to sign the treaty and with Spring still in shambles. There are ACOTAR only readers (you being one of them!) and many are not in the fandom so it doesn't make sense to start the next book after Bryce's arrival in Prythian where the characters are discussing an alien visitor. That's much too big of a plot jump forward. To me it would make sense if SJM started the next book sometime between SF and the crossover, then eventually leads up to what happened in it.

Now if you're a fan of Urban Fantasy and looking for a new read, you may want to read the Crescent City series for that fact alone. However, if that's not your thing I think you'll be able to get by on learning about what happens in the crossover through the fandom. I think most would also be willing to share whether there are Lucien appearances (if I'm wrong and he does show up). Personally, I've struggled with CC. I really don't care for Urban Fantasy and I'm not a fan of Bryce. She reads as the most immature SJM heroine to date and though I'm all about feminism and someone being an independent woman, a character constantly having to proclaim herself as such misses the mark. I also think there's just way too much being thrown into the series, sort of like "everything but the kitchen sink" all in one book. I got through book 1 but have only been able to tolerate paragraphs here and there of book 2. But, I think most of the feedback I've seen is in favor of the CC series so I realize I'm probably in the minority! It's funny because I've always loved the bat boys and the IC but at this point, her series feel oversaturated with them which has made me like them less. "Too much of a good thing" and all that. I really would like to see her explore characters outside of the IC to give us a breather. Eris, Lucien, Vassa, Jurian, Helion, the LoA, etc. And Elain of course because she's not really coming off as "one of the IC". She's given us crumbs for these characters for so long without ever giving them a chance to tell their stories and it feels like it's time.

[gustingirl]

spring day | j.kiszka x f!reader

“Like a small piece of dust that floats in the air, if the flying snow is me, I could reach you faster”

- in which life gives a second chance -

warnings: can't warn properly without spoiling :/ it's 8K words and i did not proof read any of this

disclaimer: inspired on the anime "ano hana", also shoutout to @gretagolden for being so supportive

taglist: @sweetboitom @urmindisastreamofcolors @theweightofstardust @starchords @golden-van-fleet  @joshyswife @joshkiszkas @oyoke @streamsofstardust @dreamsoffilm @eeeloraaa @the-chaotic-cow @thatcatbsong @obetrolncocktails (if you wanna be addded or removed, let me know!)

“I miss you”

Jake wanted to say more. He had been reserving his words for several years, and yet, when the moment came, he found himself speechless. His eyes had lost that sparkle that your existence had created; it was gone the second you left his side. Nothing inside of him could wake up from the nightmare he had been living his entire life. All he had left was his mother now, and he thought it was enough.

“Take your time, sweetie” he had been told

But Jake was never running out of time, really. Did time even exist anymore? Does it have any effect in life? All that occupied Jake’s poor, destroyed mind were thousands of unanswered questions that your departure had left. 

“I can’t…” even to say those simple words was a struggle for the frustrated man

Despite the terrible ache, the unstoppable pain, Jake was not feeling anything. He believed he had stopped feeling anything since the day you left. Like his heart and mind melted into one, only to work on keeping him alive. But his heart hadn’t found yet a reason to keep on beating.

Jake himself had lost any reason to keep on living too. Without you there was no life, he had always thought. “Until life do us apart, we stay by our sides”. That stupid sentence had been living inside Jake’s mind for longer than he wanted to. How could you say something so smart, yet leave his side like that?

“Wanna go, then?” his mom’s voice resonating through his ears reminded Jake that he wasn’t alone

Jake didn’t say a word, and yet, his silence was louder than any possible word he could speak. While taking it as an answer, she walked away and towards the car, where she had decided to wait for her son.

Jake wanted to go behind her, but his legs had stopped working. It was not even a metaphor; he truly lost all his legs’ senses and, before he could do anything about it, Jake fell on his knees. The pain the fall caused was still not as harsh as the pain he felt every time his heart beat.

“I miss you” he tried once more.

But nothing. 

Still not another sentence could be said from the lips that shiver every time Jake cries for you. As one single tear threatened to run down his face, Jake left the flowers he had brought for you and you only. 

As he stood up, he took one last look at the small frame that held your photograph, along with your name engraved in stone.

With one last sigh, Jake abandoned the cemetery.

Eight years had passed, but time had only been a concept for Jake. For him, not a minute had passed, and he was still standing across your house, as he stared at your body. The image was so alive in his head, as it had never left for one hot second. A fancy car had taken you away from Jake just as fast as the wind blew.

What had really caged him in an undying depression was just the simple memories of the day before. Forced by Josh, Jake was left in an unsettling position as his brothers had dared him to kiss you. Never had he felt so much anger towards his own blood. Yes, Josh and Sam had done things that could trigger any sane person, but they had taken it too far that night. Knowing their own brother, too. They knew, Jake knew, even the birds flying around the sky knew how hopelessly in love he was with you. Every single being on the Earth knew except for you, yet Jake could not face his own emotions. And then the stupidest fight took place, and the memory of expressing the coldest form of a “goodbye” towards you had been haunting Jake for eight, whole, deadly years.

It truly had become a milestone in his life, a before and an after. He used to be so full of life, so sure of his dreams. He would spend years along your side, fantasizing about being full adults that were pursuing their dreams, all while crying over math homework. Fuck, you even were so close to graduating together, to throw to the air your mortarboard caps with lyrics written all over it. Everything was planned, thought through, dreamed of, but always together. With the car you left, and so did Jake’s world.

Luckily for him (though he was rather unsure how lucky he must feel now), his surroundings were just reflections of his own state. The small but significant “squad” you had formed with the band kid, the theater kid, the debate kid and the golf kid was utterly destroyed, burned down to nothing but dark, dusty ashes. Surprising, given that 3 out of 5 members were true brothers.

But that brotherhood died with you. Grief was never something the boys knew how to handle.

Sam recalled the death of a relative, but he knew he had never cried over it. Yet with you, Sam actually blacked out upon hearing the news.

Josh was a true gem, you had always believed, but a very rare one. A man so filled with emotions, yet he never showed one, not even one upon your death.

And Danny, God, Jake felt awful about Danny. He used to be a quiet kid, but after losing you, he never once attempted to say another word, and he didn’t for a long time.

The pain left by your departure was present in every family gathering, where four brothers would not dare to even look at each other. And the air would always be cold, no matter what weather was around, as if a ghost was paying a visit every time Jake, Josh, Sam and Danny would meet up against their will.

Jake hated ghost tales, he really did.

“JAKEY”

Why was someone screaming in his dream? Jake clinged onto the pillow, forcing the voice to be quiet. 

“JAKEY!!!!”

The voice wouldn’t stop, and the hangover waking up after another sleepless night chugging down liters and liters of alcohol was definitely not helping.

“JAKEY, WAKE UP! YOU’RE RUNNING LATE FOR SCHOOL!”

“For fuck’s sake, it’s Saturd-” Jake started speaking as he forced his eyes to open, but after doing so, he regretted his actions.

The sharpest scream you could have ever heard in your life came off Jake’s throat like a bullet being shot from the oldest gun. 

Not his first scream, actually. Every once in a while, when memories would drown his head too much, Jake would scream loudly, releasing with it all the pain he swallowed. 

But now, the scream was clean; it was rough but clean.

As his eyes opened widely in fear, his pretty tanned skin lost all its color. His stare was nailed on the figure before him, yet his mind could not wrap around it.

“Fuck, you’re pale as fuck”

It took him a long time and a little chuckle coming from the second voice in the room for Jake to assimilate what was going on.

“Y/….N?”

A lot of effort was needed from Jake to say your name out loud again, and yet it still didn’t feel right. But he was more than correct.

You were standing right in front of him, with your biggest, cheesiest smile.

“Missed me much, kuma?” you replied, not once erasing that smile from your face

Eight years had been since the last time he had heard that nickname. Nobody else dared to call him kuma too, and Jake was glad. It only felt right coming from your mouth.

“Wh-what…? I can’t…”

“You gotta stop drinking so much, kuma. Your breath fucking stinks” you commented with a giggle, pointing at the floor covered in empty bottles of all the possible alcoholic drinks you could think so.

As you waited for Jake to say another word, you began cleaning his room. It would always kill you to see him being so untidy, and like old times, you spent minutes making the place shine like a diamond.

“How are you…here?” 

It really took him a long time to be able to speak, but he felt, for the first time in years, comfortable around somebody else. However, this time it was you who remained silent. Your back was facing your childhood friend, so you were able to hide your face. By the time you turned around, the smile was back on its place.

“I missed you” you spoke randomly, avoiding the evident question while sitting in front of Jake “I don’t like this, though”

His hands went to his face as he noticed your finger pointing at it. Quickly, his fingers felt the rough touch of a stubble beard.

“I like it” Jake managed to mutter under his breath

“It makes you look dirty”

A very loud gasp left his mouth the second your hand touched his face. It felt so real, so warm like it used to be. This could be a dream, a very evil, real dream.

“Don’t get me wrong, though, anything looks good on you” you smiled once more as you stood up and headed towards the door

“W-wait!” his voice came roughly out of his mouth and, as he attempted on following you, a sudden wave of iron deficiency rushed down his veins, making the world blurry for a second “Where are you going!?”

But it was too late, as you had already abandoned his bedroom. In a state of panic, Jake followed behind and down the narrow hallways of his birth home.

 “Y/N, wait!” he continued yelling in whisper as he moved behind you “You can’t let them see yo-”

All eyes were on him suddenly, as Jake had abandoned his room quite early for being a Saturday. Different types of expressions were drawn on his relatives’ faces, but for the first time in a while, he didn’t care. His focus was on your figure, and how you were walking down the kitchen and yet nobody was screaming.

“Jake!” his mom called, the only one showing any kind of happiness towards her son’ appearance

It was then when Jake took note of the crowded room. He made eye contact with every single person and yet he couldn’t care less. His mind could not comprehend how he was the only one seeing you.

“Why are you so pale?” Sam suddenly inquired, earning a quick, ugly glare from his mother

“I…”

“Sweetie, do you feel fine?” his mom approached him, taking his face in her hands and checking every inch of it

He wanted to reply with nothing but the truth, but all he could mutter was a soft “I’m ok” before following you outside the house.

“What just happened?” he tried making sense out of it, but it all seemed to strange to him

“What do you mean?”

Jake found your eyes staring at him lovingly, full of innocence.

“They didn’t know you were there”

“I guess they can’t see me” you shrugged before continuing walking down the street

“So only… I can?” it felt as if saying everything out loud made it make more sense.

“Apparently” you nodded “Is that a problem?”

Jake opened his mouth to reply, but no answer was ready for that question. Was he happy about it? It must mean something. But it probably only means he needs that therapist his mom recommended years ago.

“What’s with the smile?” 

Your voice forced the young man out of his own thoughts, and he had never noticed his lips had turned into a smile.

“I’m not smiling” he tried to convince himself

“Yes you are!”

“S-so what if I am, huh!?”

Your laugh echoed through the empty streets and Jake allowed himself to smile even wider. He had missed that beautiful sound, he had missed it so badly.

“I missed you” he suddenly spoke, too soon for his liking.

However, your smile didn’t leave your face. You waited a while, unsure of what to say.

“I missed you too” you replied with pure honesty

Something exploded inside of his heart. It truly felt so real he just didn’t know if he was even ok. He definitely wasn’t, Jake was sure of it now. But having you around once more, in your full glory and beauty, he just couldn’t think straight. What did it even matter? You were there with him, one more time by his side.

Immersed in his own thoughts Jake did not realize you had started walking without him. By the time he noticed, you had crossed the street already. He rushed his own steps, losing stability every once in a while as the painful hangover kept on stabbing his brain.

“Where are you going, Y/N?” Jake called as he managed to join you

“I don’t know” you shrugged “Maybe we can visit our secret cabin!”

He gulped, pretty loudly for his liking.

That cabin had been abandoned the second you left this world. There were no reasons to keep on visiting a place so sacred, filled with endless memories of a person who was never going to come back. A person that was no longer in this world, but only bits of her remained alive, breathing inside of Jake’s heart.

And when he found out Danny went back to the cabin years later with his sister, Jake went crazy. The brotherhood they had worked so hard for years was decomposing with every day passed. Nothing could glue those four boys back together. No matter how hard he tried, Jake could not be himself with them anymore.

“Please tell me you guys kept on going” you suddenly spoke, waking Jake up from a monologue taking place inside his head

“Um…” he started, unsure of how bad could the truth be

“You can’t possibly be so stupid, Jacob” your harsh tone caught the mentioned boy by surprise.

He had forgotten how hurtful your words could be when you spoke them in that tone. 

“It wasn’t the same anymore” was all he managed to say

The trip to the cabin was suddenly filled with a loud silence. He could swear you could hear his thoughts. His own mind was killing him. The broken words, the knot in the throat begging him to cry, for one more time, the memories painted in a sick sepia tone. But nothing was making his heart break more than the sight in front of him. 

It was only now that Jake was noticing you well, as you continued walking, locked inside your head while humming a sweet melody. 

The very first detail he caught on was your outfit; Jake could never forget what you were wearing that night. He believed he could literally never forget what happened that night. But you looked just as beautiful as you did under the moon one hot summer night. The bonfire was lighting your eyes, creating the most perfect sparkle. Jake was left breathless as his stare was nailed on you. Never had he ever felt this way before, but feelings could never be so simple. 

He wanted to admire your beauty so badly, an image he had forgotten could be so endearing. But this image was not allowing his heart to calm down. As he looked down, his eyes caught the most agonizing detail; your body was not casting any shadow.

And then the questions began: Were you really a ghost? Nobody could see you back in the kitchen, could you be actually only a hallucination? But his skin burned when your hands touched his face. Hallucinations can really be so real?

And that warmth. All his life, Jake had been told ghosts were cold beings, they could bring down a room’s temperature by just being there. How could your touch feel so warm?

“We’re almost there, right?”

Once more, your voice managed to distract Jake’s mind. A shy smile showed up on his face one more time, lighting it up like it would happen whenever you two would hang out alone, in secret behind everybody’s backs. 

“We should be, it wasn’t so far away”

Only a smile was shown as a reply as you turned around and went back inside your head, thinking God knows what. And so did Jake’s mind went back to its original state: a state of pure admiration and devotion towards you.

Those feelings he believed had died with you were soon back. He couldn’t lie, really. He had dreamed of this many times. How many nights had he spent awake, praying for all this to be a wild nightmare he could wake up from? Many, horrible, dark nights. Jake was tired of insomnia, but the second his eyes would close, an aching image would show up, and his insomnia would suddenly feel nice.

But the dream he had believed was just a dream had now become a reality, one he couldn’t grasp on.

His eyes were stuck on the floor as his mind tried to comprehend what was going on. Could he really still be in love with you?

His body shook the second he heard the noise. A car hit the brakes and Jake was taken back in time, eight years ago.

“Kiss her”

What? No way was Josh saying that.

“What are you talking about?” Jake was doing his best to maintain his calm, but his brother’s strong stare on him was pushing it too much

“You heard me, Jakey” the sarcasm on Josh’s voice was causing his brother’s eye to twitch “Kiss Y/N”

As Josh was concentrating on his twin brother’s reaction, the rest had their eyes stuck on you. Jake noticed it right away and copied them, only to find you expressionless.

“Game’s over, idiot” Jake knew his words were coming out too harshly but he couldn’t care less

“Why so defensive, Jake?” Sam’s voice resonated around the room, causing even more tension “Why can’t you kiss Y/N?”

“Because she’s my best friend!” 

“It’s just a kiss, man” Josh was not sounding cordial and everybody in the room could feel it.

“Joshua, fucking quit it” Jake was not giving in

“Is kissing me really…that bad?”

Four pair of eyes had never moved so quickly, and yet four faces carried different expressions. On Danny you could read madness; he hated the situation that had been created. Sam was surprised to say the least. But, while Jake showed signs of desperation, his twin brother could not be more of the opposite; Josh was satisfied.

“Y/N, don’t get involved” Jake was trying hard to keep things under control like he always desired, but it was too late

“Don’t tell me what to do” for being a sixteen year old, you were always known for having a strong attitude, and Jake was just tasting a sip of the medicine that would later end up killing him

“Y/N, please” he begged, knowing Josh was winning

“She wants to kiss you, Jakey” the other twin, aware of his victory, kept on pushing the nerve he knew was going to explode eventually

“FUCKING SHUT UP, JOSH”

As soon as Jake was on his feet, so were you.

“Kiss me, Jake” you were worse than Josh, Jake feared.

“I’m not going to do this!”

“Why not!?” 

By now your voice was the highest and Jake knew he couldn’t mistreat you. Neither could he say the truth, as not even his own soul could comprehend the feelings taking over his entire body.

“Because…it’s disgusting!” was all he could make out at the time, but it wasn’t enough

“So yesterday I was the most beautiful girl to exist and now I’m disgusting?” with your arms crossed over your chest, you kept on maintaining dominance in a battle Jake could never win without collateral damage

“He said that?” Josh was laughing in his spot, staring between the two friends

“Y/N, seriously, quit this, ok? I don’t wanna ruin our friendship”

“That’s not it, Jake, that’s now why you’re pushing me away”

No more sighs could help Jake calm down.

“Shut up, Y/N!” his voice had been raised too high, confusing and surprising every soul in the room “God, everybody fucking shut up!”

“Fine” you showed a forced smile before grabbing your jacket “I’m not gonna stay in a place where I’m not wanted”

As you received silence for an answer, you approached Jake, standing only centimeters away from his face, waiting for the so-hoped kiss.

“Am I not wanted here, Jake? Do you want me here?”

Under four different kinds of pressure, Jake cooled his words, his heart and, soon, his entire life.

“Goodbye” he finally spoke, avoiding your eyes with strength.

He only heard your footsteps as you abandoned the cabin in a hurry. The place turned into a pitiful silence, as nobody dared to say a word. More emotions than a human being could comprehend were taking over Jake and, for the first time in his life, he felt alone, abandoned and lost. 

For a couple of seconds he believed he understood what life without you would be. The endless silence, the hurtful heartbeats, the malicious thoughts. It was just torture after torture, and Jake was smarter than this. For years he had built, with you, a friendship based on trust and communication, and he couldn’t let this soulmate-kind-of friendship vanish because of whatever the fuck Josh was up to.

As fast as birds fly, Jake abandoned his brothers behind, desperate to find you. He knew how fast you could run, and so he decided to speed up. 

He had left the woods behind in the matter of minutes, and he was running down the streets with determination and a bit of fear. What was he going to say once he found you? Jake had no idea, but he knew that, when the moment came, only the truth could save his soul.

And the sound struck the city.

A small town would always mean everything was known, everything was heard, everything was seen.

And Jake heard it, but he heard it too late.

The car hitting the breaks.

A loud scream, full of pain and life.

And the sound of something hitting the ground.

The last thing he remembered of that night was the sound of his own heartbeats stopping as Jake finally found you, only to hold that image in his head for the rest of his life.

According to his therapist (the one he allowed his mom to take him to so she would stop suggesting it), PTSD is  a mental health illness triggered by a frightening situation, whether you have experienced it or witnessed it”. Fuck, Jake hated that definition. He wanted, so badly, to believe he wasn’t traumatized. All his life he had preached that you must live your life until you’re no longer alive, and that in order to live your life, you must always look forward. He wasn’t traumatized, or at least that’s what he would say to himself. But he spent years avoiding cars, and even more years avoiding Josh.

Blaming others was also common, the therapist exclaimed. Jake really hated that therapist. 

But he was right, he had to admit. He knew he was right as that sound struck his heart one more time, and he feared he would lose you again.

His eyes watched as a car drove straight towards you, while you were too lost in thoughts to notice its presence. Your feet were on the road, while your eyes were fixated on the floor below you.

You had been the cause of his heart stopping many times before, but it would only require a soft touch, a kiss on the cheek or maybe just a sweet compliment for it to happen. Now, his beating heart was not beating, and the feeling was choking.

In the blink of an eye, Jake ran towards you.

“Y/N, WATCH OUT!”

For seconds that lasted hours, Jake halted all trains of thoughts. His mind was blank and his world was black. 

In a complete inhuman speed, Jake grabbed you by the waist, pulling you back to save your life, or that’s what he believed he was doing.

You barely reacted as your head collided against his chest. The strength that your best friend was using you to keep you safe was feeling a bit too suffocating, but boy had you missed his hugs. A smile escaped your lips, as good old memories flooded your brain. Meanwhile, you noticed Jake was not staring back at you.

As soon as he managed to open his eyes, his heart began to beat, louder and faster than ever. In his arms, your shy but sweet smile painted flowers and butterflies inside his body. He had forgotten how good it felt to have you near, and Jake was dying inside.

“What are we doing?” you asked in your state of innocence

“You must be careful, Y/N!” he wanted to scold you so badly, but those eyes were nothing but kryptonite for his poor heart

“What do you mean?”

“The car, darling!” he didn’t realize a little chuckle left his mouth, despite his mind being drowned in concern “It was going straight towards you!”

“Jake, it’s not like I was gonna die”

You really meant no harm with that lame comment, even decided to add a soft giggle to help things out, but Jake definitely did not like it. You were concerned, all of a sudden, that you may have pushed a button.

Truth was, Jake had forgotten that this was, in fact, his reality. You felt so real, you seemed so real, he had completely left behind the little but not so insignificant fact that you were no longer alive.

Words were coming in and out of his head. It was impossible to concentrate with your mouth so close to his. Almost subconsciously, he tightened the hug, needing to feel you as close as he could. You were probably hurting but he didn’t care. He wanted to, but he couldn’t let go.

As slowly he managed to finally let go, and you maintained your silence, still upset from your last words. In that empty silence, you proceeded towards the secret cabin.

Right behind you was Jake, immersed in his own head. More questions came up. More questions nobody but he could answer, and Jake was not in the right mind to find closure.

The longest 45 minutes had passed until you finally found the not-so-secret cabin. It was smaller than you had remembered, but it still felt like home.

Jake could only watch as you entered the place for the first time in eight years. His feet were not responding anymore, and a slight rise of a panic attack began hurting his chest.

Neither had he stepped a foot inside that place in so long and he feared what could happen if he did. 

“You coming?” you yelled from inside the place

He waited a while before responding with a soft “yes”. It took a lot of self-conviction and many deep breaths to calm down and eventually follow you inside.

To say he was in awe was a misunderstanding.

“Wow” escaped his lips as his eyes scanned the room

“Has it always looked like this?” you wondered, your face a pure copy of Jake’s expressions

His head shook softly as he tried to wrap his head around the cabin. It looked so modern, so chill; it smelled even better than it looked, though.

“Danny did this” Jake finally managed to say

“When!? Where is he!?” you were a child in a playground upon the mention of another one of your best friends

“Um” he really didn’t know what to say “I don’t know where he is”

“What do you mean, kuma? Aren’t you two like brothers?” you started giggling but quickly stopped as you caught Jake’s face.

Melancholy was written all over it and you realized you had made yet another mistake.

“Um, after…you know…your…” the mere mention of the accident was too hard for Jake, and you nodded quickly to let him know you got what he meant “...we kinda, just, yeah. We kinda stopped talking”

“Oh”

You wanted to say more, but Jake was not with you and you were more worried than ever.

“Jakey?” you called, trying to wake your best friend up from his own mind

Upon no response, you approached him. Just like you had done earlier, you took his face in your hands to force him to meet your eyes.

Weakness. Jake was nothing but weakness under your touch.

His knees were shaking like leaves during autumn nights. His skin, it burned like it did under the sunny days of humid summers. Everything felt like spring when it happened with you, yet his life was made of the coldest ice a winter could give you.

Jake was just seconds away from doing more, from doing what he should have done in that same room, eight years ago.

“Are you here with me?” you questioned

Jake was internally laughing, remembering the lonely nights he spent saying those same exact words, waiting for a response from you.

“Kuma, answer me, are you with me? Can you hear me?”

He could, but his mind was betraying him. That panic attack he thought he had managed to cool down was right back on its track and, suddenly, he couldn’t breathe.

Tears were forming in his eyes as they were not looking away from yours. Concern painted your face but nothing could be done from your hands, you feared. Under your touch you felt his breathing going faster and faster, and Jake’s struggle was only getting worse.

“Sit down, come” you ordered as you found the old, rusty couch you had shared with Jake many times before.

He obeyed instantly, knowing you, in any shape or form, were the only person who could always calm him down.

Maybe you were acting too fast, but you were, also, worrying too much. You opened his shirt and the panic attack quickly changed (but you would never know). Once his chest was out into the wild, you let your hand slip inside, stroking the soft skin you had forgotten was so smooth. The breathing did not change, but it was no longer due to the panic attack. Jake’s eyes could still not abandon you, following every move you made. With time, and a whole lot of concentration, he managed to calm down.

“Why are you here?”

Such a simple question broke a comfortable silence, but the doubt was killing Jake. Was he happy to have you again, this time all for himself? He definitely was, he couldn’t deny it anymore. But, with you here, only more questions were growing as each minute passed, and Jake needed answers now. He needed to know how much he could trust his life again, and if it was even worth it.

However, you were not responding. Neither were you pulling your hand away. 

“Y/N”

“I like how my name sounds coming from your mouth” you felt your cheeks burn as you took the courage to say those words

“Baby, I know how you act when you wanna avoid something” the seconds you were using to avert answering his question were murdering Jake’s little piece of hope “Y/N, why are you here?”

“I don’t k-know” you tried lying away, but you should have known better

“You’re a better liar than that” he chuckled sadly, before taking the lead

He slowly retreated your hand from his chest, making you finally look up at him. It was taking all the strength in the world for Jake to not blush under your eyes. He needed answers and dominating the atmosphere was all he could do at the moment.

Without letting your hand go, Jake used his free hand to stroke your hair. It was amazing just how real you were, and weren’t at the same time. You even felt more real than you did that last night he saw you. He couldn’t get enough from touching you, and it was your turn to shake under his touch.

“Please, Y/N, you need to tell me what you know” he was speaking through teeth by now, as all the cells in his body were begging Jake to do something else

“I-I need closure” you stuttered, the pressure finally working

“What kind of closure?”

“I don’t know, but I can’t rest until I get closure” you were telling the truth, your eyes were telling the story all by themselves

Jake sighed, unsatisfied with your answer

“I need more, baby”

He wasn’t noticing how he was pulling you closer to him. The hand gripping your wrist had begun to bring you closer and closer to his body, feeling so small next to him. You were in a state of pure submission, and yet you couldn’t help him more, as much as you wanted to.

“Something from my time while being alive, Jakey” you swallowed as your eyes met his “My unfinished business, I guess?”

That was all he needed. Not a real answer, actually. He needed one more voice that would make his own thoughts sound coherent for once.

The hand stroking your hair quickly moved down, only to cup your face. Jake didn’t give you any time to react before his lips met yours. 

He had to admit he was shaking. It was understandable, really. He even believed he would have shaken that night too, if only he would have listened to his own heart.

Eight years took Jake to finally do what his heart had asked for. The only thing his heart had truly asked him for, and Jake was finally doing it.

And fuck, did it feel so good.

Cherry was the very first thing he tasted. Your lips tasted like sweet cherry, mixed with a bit of Vodka. An unexpected mixture, but Jake wasn’t complaining.

Neither were you, really. It did catch you by surprise, but deep inside, you were screaming in joy. As subconsciously as it could be, your hands found the nape of his neck, your nails digging inside his skin, finding abnormal ways to bring him as close to you as you could. 

Gravity works, and soon Jake had laid you down on the couch as he deepened the kiss. His tongue was fighting for dominance as his hands chose to wander. He couldn’t resist the urge of holding your face with one hand, as he let the other mark the curve of your body. It went back north for Jake to squish your breast, feeling your moan escape your mouth and travel down his spine.

It felt so fucking real, he couldn’t even believe it.

But when his lungs began burning, Jake had to stop against his own desire.

“Fuck” he whispered against your lips and swallowed hard, eyes heavily lidded and lips wet from your mouth, too afraid to pull away completely.

You slipped your hand up his chest, feeling how it went up and down quickly as your best friend tried to catch his breath. As you watched him smile to himself, with red cheeks all over the place, you stroke his long hair, playing around with it.

That comfortable silence was back in its place. You were glad; you missed this contentment you would only feel with Jake by your side. But you didn’t notice him.

That cute smile began to fade away as soon as his mind was awakened one more time. Jake was troubled, he had to confess. Why so? The weirdest paradox had been presented upon him, and he couldn’t figure out what to feel.

The problem was right in front of him or, better said, below him; you were still there, with him.

A rational voice inside his head was crying in pain as he had noticed the kiss he owed you, the one thing he didn’t know how to do right back then, was not the unfinished business you were talking about.

But the louder voice in his head, the one that had been beating the rational voice all these years, could not cheer any louder. Fuck, it felt so right, so good. The best kiss he had ever had, Jake must admit. And with you, the woman he had been in love with since he had memory. And the cherry on top? You were still there, with him.

If there’s something Jake had learned all these past years is that he could be a very selfish person. Now he could admit, but only to himself, that he was so disgustingly happy to find out only he could see you walking around the kitchen. He had the key (that he did not even know what it could mean) to see you; he could do it without any problems. As he had always wished for, you were all for him and himself only. And there was such a beautiful joy behind this knowledge.

Before you could read his mind (like you could always do), Jake decided to act.

In less than seconds his mouth was attached back to yours. You did not dare to complain as his hands began roaming your body again. It was making you feel so alive. God only knew why you were here or why could only Jake see you, but it didn’t matter anymore.

In the midst of a hungry attack, Jake’s teeth tugged at your lower lip, letting his tongue sweep right inside your mouth. Bits of your breaths were being stolen with each second passed, with each movement his hands did on your body. It was as coordinated as a waltz dance; two bodies merged into one, two souls connecting to form God’s most stunning creation. A dance was left behind yet you still could feel the sway of your bodies pressed together against the couch.

His hands searched your entire body, sending shiver after shiver down your spine. Feelings that had been kept locked inside a casket for eight whole years were being released for once and for all, for the sake of two best friends who let their fear beat their own lives. Now Jake were wanting more, so desperately to keep you for himself for an eternity, if life allows.

“God, you’re gonna kill me” you commented after some minutes

The atmosphere was quite different from before; you were laying on Jake’s chest, still breathless from what you believed had been some good 40 minutes of a wonderful, heated reencounter. Now jokes could be thrown, with giggles and chuckles as answers.

“I needed that so badly” Jake commented, letting out a sigh as his fingers traced your bare back.

He was glad your shirt was open on the back, as he adored touching every inch of skin he could get his hands on. Anything but a kiss would have been too much, and Jake was unaware of how overwhelmed he actually was. He soon would realize.

“So did I” you shared with honesty

“I missed you, baby” 

Jake felt naked upon your eyes. In your presence, he was nothing but a creation made for you. He had never been religious, and the last time he had stepped a foot inside a church was to say an eternal goodbye to his bestest of best friends. But now he was believing in God, but not on the man above the clouds; he was believing there was God in you.

“I missed you too” you closed your eyes, curling up deeper into his chest

“Did you…” he swallowed, too unsure of making the wrong move “Did you see me…all these years?”

He hated hearing those questions ruining every single moment with you. Nothing too different from eight years ago, really. Only now the questions had changed.

“It’s too early for this, Jakey” you swallowed too

“Early? It’s been eight years, Y/N”

“It hasn’t felt like eight years to me” truth was, you had no idea of how to answer any of these questions, but dodging them was all you could do when Jake was being too pushy

“Neither for me” he admitted “It seems like forever since the last time I saw your face”

You remained silent, hesitating on your next question.

“Have you seen my parents?”

Jake sighed.

“Not since…your-”

“Ok” you cut him off, mostly as a little bit of help. You knew how hard it was for him

“I’m sorry” he muttered, leaving a kiss on your forehead

“Don’t be” you looked up, showing him your biggest smile “I get it”

“Do you miss them?” you nodded.

“I miss everybody, kuma. Especially you” you felt Jake’s whole body smiling along his lips “I miss my family, my dog, the boys! How are Joshy, Sammy and Danny?”

And the tension was right back, you felt it through his body.

“We, um, stopped…talking”

“To your own brothers?”

“Shit’s been hard without you, baby Y/N” you could feel how Jake’s whole mood changed, and you were not going let this happen because of you.

You sat up quickly, turning a bit around to finally sit on top of Jake. The quick actions confused the mentioned boy, but he did not look upset about it. His hands, like magnets to iron, went straight to your waist, holding you in place.

With giggles in the middle, you filled his face with small kisses. Biting here and there, you did not stop until Jake was fully laughing. That sound could always fill your soul and now was not an exception. Once you stopped, you let your lips rest against his, sharing small kisses every once in a while.

“Baby? Kuma?” you spoke after minutes of sharing nothing but moments of ecstasy.

“Tell me” he replied, lost in his thoughts (of you)

“I wanna go see my family”

With you, Jake sat up, his face changing from happiness to a mix of it with concern.

“I’ll go with you” he spoke, his hands caressing your whole back as his eyes searched for agreement

“I need to do this alone” you smiled sincerely “I’ll see you tomorrow, ok, Kuma?”

Your hand stroke his cheek softly, tracing once more the little stubble mustache growing above his lips

“I’ll shave it for you, you’ll see tomorrow” Jake smiled widely for you, and you only

“Alright” you said after nodding

Jake watched you closely as you hopped off him and the couch, rearranging your clothes and hair before kneeling down to peck his lips one more time.

“Until life do us apart, we stay by our sides” your best friend suddenly commented, his eyes shining with hope

The words echoed inside your head, hurting each time they hit your brain’s walls. A fake smile and another peck was all you could give him, and with that you were gone through the big, wooden door.

Jake needed minutes to proceed. A hell of a roller coaster ride had happened in the matter of 12 hours and he had to admit the hangover was gone a while ago, but his head was still spinning.

Differentiating reality from fiction had never been hard for Jake. With Josh’s undying love for movies, the younger twin had had enough with rom-coms, pirate movies and space odysseys. He knew the ups and downs, the truths and facts of everything movies show. He was not a victim of Hollywood’s manipulation, but he could swear ghosts weren’t real.

But you felt so real. Weren’t ghosts supposed to be cold creatures? Wasn’t death supposed to be coldness after a heart stops beating? He knew it damn well; life was only turning colder as his own heart had stopped beating eight years ago. But you were the whole opposite to coldness, you had always been it. Your touch, your presence, fuck, even your lips were the hottest fire Jake had ever felt in his entire life. How could any of this be like Hollywood showed? Maybe he was a victim after all, but it was too late and he definitely needed a good night of sleep.

Then the door swung open, and Jake’s heart shattered with lost hope.

“The fuck are you doing here?” his brother’s voice sounded like a canyon had been fired only miles away

“What?” was all Jake could mutter as he watched his brothers and friend enter the cabin “H-How did you find me?”

“Stop with the fucking stutter, Jacob” Josh had never spoken to Jake like that ever; well, he hadn’t spoken to Jake in years, actually

“What’s up with y-”

“Why were you talking about Y/N?” Sam asked vigorously, all the attention on his presence now

“I-I…you heard me?”

“Answer the fucking question, Jacob” Josh shot again

Jake remained in silence as he stood up, checked his own clothes and polished himself

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” came as a mutter that was clearly heard

“Playing the fucking dumb victim won’t get you out of here” his twin brother kept on throwing attacks at Jake

His eyes met Danny’s suddenly; he was still a quiet kid.

“What do you want, Josh?” he finally asked, ready to face his own blood

“I wanna know why you’re staining Y/N’s name with your mouth”

Josh’s harsh words shocked the entire room. He had never acted this way before, but Jake had been told (by that stupid therapist he wished he had never seen) that people grieve differently. 

For seconds he hesitated, but only the truth could work.

“I saw her” upon frowns, Jake continued “I saw Y/N”

“Bullshit” Sam called, rolling his eyes

“Not bullshit, Sammy!” he was letting his own satisfaction take over and it was only going to be for worse “She was here with me, she woke me up!”

“You gotta stop drinking so much, Jacob” Josh muttered, his eyes now nailed on the wooden floor

“Stop calling me Jacob!” he was having enough “And quit the asshole-ish attitude, fuck man! Give me a rest, ok!?”

Jake’s sudden defense mode once again shocked a whole room. Like the time before, Josh had it coming.

“So let me see her” the other twin spoke, way softer than before “If she’s here, let me see her”

“I-I can’t” it was only going to get worse

“Why not, bastard?”

“She left” Jake lowered his stare “She wanted to see her fam-”

The sentence could not be finished, as Josh had jumped onto Jake. With all the strength in the world, he held Jake by his shirt’s neck. Shaking him like he was unconscious, Josh did not let his brother go.

“FUCKING LIAR! I WANNA SEE HER TOO! WHY ONLY YOU GET TO SEE HER!”

Jake couldn’t speak. It wasn’t the new act of violence from his own brother that took his words; it was Josh’s tears.

He was crying, Jake couldn’t believe it. In eight years, Josh had never shed one tear. Not even at your funeral, not even upon finding out the truth. He was made of stone, Jake believed. He knew Josh could be a very sensitive person if he wanted; then how could your own death not make him cry? The answer was right in front of him now.

“Let him go” Sam tried to order as he held his brother back, but Josh was way stronger

“I wanna see her too!”

The sound of loud crying filled the room as Josh dropped to his knees. Nobody dared to say a word; nobody was even breathing. 

The boys knew, then, to let him cry. It was the moment they had all been waiting for, and Josh needed it as badly as everybody did.

“It’s not fair” he muttered between sobs “Why only you?”

“I don’t know” Jake replied in the same tone, hiding his happiness as much as he could

“She’s not supposed to be here” Danny finally spoke

“You think I don’t know that?” Jake chuckled sadly, but soon his expression changed upon a new thought “Wait, you believe me?”

“These two may be acting like idiots right now…” Danny scolded in the low, ignoring the two mentioned boys’ hard stare on him “...but we’re brothers, remember? Blood or not, we’re brothers before anything else. Of course I believe you”

“I don’t” Josh spoke too, losing that aggression from before “But I need to believe you, for my own sake”

Jake nodded, understanding his brother’s thoughts.

“I can’t believe a ghost story…” Sam admitted too, showing a much less caring attitude “..but whatever, I guess”

Jake rolled his eyes.

“But Danny’s right” Sam continued “If ghosts are here, then they have an unfinished business going around”

“That’s what Y/N said” Jake nodded “That she needs closure. But I don’t know what that means”

“Yes, you do”

Danny’s calm tone could always startle a whole room, and today was not an exception.

“You know what you need to do, Jake” he spoke softly, trying to win dominance over Jake’s brothers, who had many opinions to share “You know what’s the only way for Y/N to finally rest”

He really knew. He had been knowing from the second his lips parted from yours, but he couldn’t do it.

Jake wasn’t ready to let you go.

finally i'm posting again, sorry for the wait and thank you for reading!

[nana-phobia]

A Stereotypical Love Story

Genre: Crack, Angst, Fluff, Suggestive, Slow Burn

Pairings: Rindou Haitani x FEM! Reader

TW: Reader is a Menace to society, strong language, a lot of sexual jokes, Mentions of Kisaki Tetta

A/N: THIS IS FICTIONAL! I DO NOT CONDONE ANY OF THE ILLEGAL ACTS IN THIS FIC. MDNI!!

Chapter 16 [Masterlist] Chapter 17 - PLAYLIST

Hanma patted your back before he gave your head a kiss.

"I'll wait for you in the parking lot" He replied before he gave Rindou a glare and walked away, You turned to look back at Rindou and tilted your head.

"What was it you wanna talk about?" You asked.

"I opened the gift and it turns out it wasn't a bomb nor was it a spycam...It was a regular book..." You just laughed.

"Why the hell would I give you a bomb?! and a spy cam?? I'm not that stupid to use something that stupid to get info on something, that's like the most predictable thing on earth!" You commented as you run your fingers through your hair, Rindou couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"Shut up...Tell me...did you really buy that book or did you look at my messages or info?" He asked, you sighed.

"Rindou...No one here in bonten knows one of your hobbies is to read books, even Ran doesn't know it...He knows but he's in denial, he believes that you're just reading books so you could look smart" You stated, Rindou's eyes widened as he took a step back away from you.

"How..." You can't help bet giggle before removing your mask but only exposing your eyes, they were soft just like how you stared at his brother earlier during the meeting.

It was full of adoration but now that he was closer to you, he saw how they were also sad and as if it was full of regret yet it was full of warm love.

"I told you...We met before..." You added before walking away, He was too stunned to speak nor to even follow you so he just stood there until he was out of shock.

Shaking his head, he saw you look his way before the elevator door closed. Once again you left without telling him how you knew him.

Walking down the halls he reached his and his brother's shared office, he saw that Ran was sitting on his own desk fixing some papers. He let out a loud sigh that was enough to catch his brother's attention.

"You good bro?" Ran asked, Rindou sat on the black leathered couch with a thump.

"Have you met Y/N before?..." Rindou asked, Ran looked at him with furrowed brows.

"What? No? Maybe? I don't know, I don't usually remember the names of girls that I fuck but then again if I did fuck her...I would know her face" Ran continued but was instantly stopped by Rindou throwing a pen at his brother.

"Not like that!!! Can you stop thinking with your dick for once?? What I mean is...Did we meet her before? was she your friend that you forgot or something??" Rindou asked, Ran stopped what he was doing as he raised brows and squinted his eyes at Rindou.

"No, I haven't...The only girl I befriended was Akira" He replied, Rindou let out a frustrated sigh as he started to pull his hair.

Ran shrugged as he continued while Rindou continued to mutter to himself.

Since your first meeting with him, he can't help but stay up all night to find something at the back of his head for answers. Questions were left unanswered, how did you two meet? Are you sure you weren't just mistaking him for someone? but how would he explain the fact that you know his favorite book and about the fact that he hides the idea of him loving books due to being afraid of being made fun of? How do---

Then it hit him like a baseball getting hit by a bat, Standing up from his position, he walked towards Ran and slammed his hands on his desk, startling the older Haitani.

"What the--"

"She's Akira..." Rindou spoke, Ran raised his brows.

"What do you mean?" He asked, Rindou stood up straight and place a hand on his mouth.

"The only thing I could come up with is that she's Akira...Thre is no way she would know us unless it--"

"She's dead, Rindou...Stop with this nonsense, she's just a creep that probably stalked both you and me"

"Then how do you explain her gaze earlier?!?" Rindou shouted. Ran sighed.

"Like I said, she was just probably crushing on us or something..."

"You can't say that cause we never attended her funeral!"

"She is fucking dead, Rindou! I don't wanna fight about this nonsense! We've already moved on from her death so please! fucking let it go!" Ran yelled as he massaged the bridge of his nose, Rindou gritted his teeth before slamming his hands on his desk and leaving his office.

He wanted to find answers, If you can't give him those then he'll look for them himself. If you really were Akira, then why would you leave them and never came back? What was your motive for leaving them?...

Rindou stood infront of the hospital doors with trembling hands, He knows that he wanted answers but he wasn't ready to hear them, He wasn't ready to hear that you just left them and pretended you were dead...

With enough courage, He pushed open the doors and went inside. The hospital was crowded and it smelled like chemicals along with the smell of soap.

Walking to the front desk, the nurse greeted him to which he bowed slightly.

"Hi, how can I help you? Are you here for a Checkup?" She asked, Rindou waved his right hand.

"No...I'm actually here to ask something?" The nurse smiled.

"Sure! What is it?" Rindou took a deep breath before speaking.

"Is it possible to ask the people that died in this hospital back in 2006?" He asked, The nurse's smile faded as her face changed into a much more neutral expression.

"Are you perhaps a cop that is re-opening a case?" She asked, Rindou's eyes widened but he remained his composure.

"No...I just really need to know something...please..." He begged the nurse frowned as she shook her head,

"I'm sorry sir, These files are confidential which means I can't share them with the public unless you're a registered family or your a cop or investigator..." She apologized, Rindou placed a hand in his mouth before fixing his posture.

"Please! I really need to know if someone died...I'll pay just please tell me something..." He begged again.

Rindou was a prideful man but he was desperate, he wanted to know if you were alive or were you really dead, he wanted to know.

"I'm sorry sir, As I stated before these files are confidential...I can't share them with you unless you bring a cop or you're a cop yourself that has an approved search warrant" The nurse replied with a strong tone, Rindou just sighed before he quickly walked out of the hospital.

Walking over to his car, he slammed the car door harshly as he sat on the driver's seat while banging his head on the wheel a few times.

"Fuck!" He yelled frustratingly. He didn't know what to do. He was left with no clues, no hints---but then again...there was one thing he could do.

Picking up his phone, he quickly dialed Sanzu's number. He hated calling him for help but he is his only hope...

Taglist (OPEN): @rozcdust @hana-patata @bontens-whore @madness-kitten @tirzamisu @pretty-pop-princess-hs @soushswag @q-the-rockaholic @yvechu @bontensbabygirl @bontensbasement @ryungsblog @sunahyejin

[youandtom]

EXcape to the Countryside Part 3

Tom Holland X Reader

Summary: ‘Much like the majority of the general population in their teens and twenties, love and heartbreak are two very common, but dangerous, side effects of life that hit you hard. You ended your last relationship on a bitter note. Anger, frustration and hatred had boiled off whatever it was that brought you together and it eventually tore you apart. He left you hanging on an unanswered question for years and as much as you were desperate to figure out why things ended, you chose to forget about him. Hate him. Loathe him. All because he ended such a beautiful thing. You hoped to never see him again. But, of course, fate had other plans…’

Themes: fluff, angst, enemies to lovers, ex to lovers, eventual smut, break up/make up

Chapter 1 (10.2K)  Chapter 2 (10.8K) NSFW Chapter 3 (3.3K) 

a/n: Final part!! Hope you’ve enjoyed the series :) I will be releasing some one shots soon so stick around! I will also be taking requests so feel free! 

You can’t forget how affectionate Tom had been that day, even when you arrived on his front-doorstep dragging in the angst of lingering hate, all to be swept away by your shared desire to be with one another again. The burn of his lips still buzz across your skin, the imprint of his fingertips stain your body and the eagerness of his passion replays in your mind at night when you close your eyes. You also give time for the small, intimate gestures too. How could you forget the way his hands cradled your face? Or the way he delicately cleaned your skin with the washcloth, handling you as if you were made by the finest China glass. Everything from the uncontrollable lust to the delicate moments of intimacy has you admitting to yourself something you had known since you saw him again at the chalet. 

You love him. 

Lola sits with on the couch as you stand before her. She knew that as soon as you came in she had to squeeze every little detail possible out of you about what happened. She sits eagerly with her hands clasped, legs crossed and beaming eyes glaring up at you, hooked onto every single word as if you've just traveled to the moon and back. A mingling thought in the back of your head wonders why she hasn't grabbed popcorn…

"...and then we slept together," you explain.

"I knew it!" She jumps up to hug you, squeezing you just a little bit tighter than what's comfortable.

"No you didn't," you scoff. "I didn't even know what was going to happen!"

"Oh please. You were both desperate for each other."

"Right, calm down Mrs Hypocrisy it's not like you and Harrison don't make it completely obvious," you wink. You're surprised she doesn't respond. You are almost certain she would've have something smart up her sleeve to whip out. Alas, she takes it on the chin. Thinking back to your conversation with Tom, a pang of guilt swims through you. Harrison and Lola could've been a real thing if you hadn't got in the way, and she would've been ecstatic.

Lola hasn't really had a stable relationship since you've known her. Sure, she's had a casual fling here and there, but it's always been just that. You don't even know if she's made it to a second date with at least one guy. As tragic as it seems, Lola has never let it become a problem for her. Unlike you, she doesn't wallow in her own self-pity because she isn't in a relationship, much like her other friends whose relationships have been going on for years now. It's a wonder how, despite her unstable love life, she manages to keep a stable mindset. She really is the kind of person that can convince you that being in a relationship doesn't define life.

Regardless, when Harrison came along you knew that this was something different. Something more than just a fling. You would agree with Tom in that anytime you saw them after another one of their rendezvous, they were on cloud 9. It was endearing to watch how she would talk about him, act differently around him, and when, as soon as he steps into the room, he became centre of her attention. If Zac Efron - her choice, she adores the man - walked into a room with Harrison, she would tell him to wait outside until Harrison had left. Actually, thinking about it now you're amazed they haven't made it official.

It will happen, you convince yourself once more.

"Right we better get to bed. We've got work in the morning and Linda's going to be in so we can't be late!"

As you both retire to your beds, your last remaining thought on your mind was the events of today and it gets your heart hammering once more. It's been a while since you've felt like this, felt what love is. After everything that has happened recently you find that, for once, you're able to go to sleep without any sort of burden plaguing your mind. There's no burning questions to be answered, there's no stress to be dealt with and there's no worries that concern you. Everything seems to be, dare you say it, fine.

~~~

"Rise and shine sleepy head!" As Lola's voice rings through your room, at 6:15 in the morning; a whole 15 minutes before your alarm is due to go off, you groan and snuggle deeper into the warmth of your bed. "C'mon, up, up, up! Remember it's Linda Tuesdays you know what that means!" Unfortunately, you do. Linda is the area manager for your company, so not only is she responsible for your branch, but many others in the area. Which means that, thankfully, she isn't in the building very often but when she is, she expects nothing less than perfect. 

Ugh, working for a bank is a pain in the arse. 

Despite your early, and rather grumpy start, the morning sails by smoothly. Linda seemed uncharacteristically content with everything and was gone by early afternoon which meant, more importantly for both you and Lola, lunch time. Everyone seems to agree how suspicious it was to see Linda in such a good mood which rarely happens, but overall your day seems to be going great. 

The moment you have freedom, you take out your phone and very quickly you realise you have a text. Just the sight of having a notification on your screen makes your heart beat just a pace faster.

Tom Hey, how are you? x

You I'm good, just on my lunch break. How're you? x

Tom Great, actually. Was wondering if you were free this weekend? x

"Oh my god," you exclaim, mouth half full. 

"What?!" Lola questions.

"Tom's texted me and asked if I'm free this weekend."

"Well obviously you are! Tell him yes!" 

You don't know why you find it such a shock for Tom to be planning things with you so quickly after settling things. It's hard to decipher whether that shock is something you welcome or whether that shock is something you aren't ready for. Seeing him was a real hurdle for you, of course not ignoring the fact that you did indeed overcome it, but just like with every hurdle you have to build yourself up for it. Taking the leap is the easy part because it's only then do you know if you've succeeded or not. It's the sprint before it that you have to get right because the fear of the unknown is still there. You have to carry the weight of the unprecedented all the way up until the hurdle and if you can't manage that, then you know everything's gone wrong before you even attempt it.

If you had to put things into perspective, seeing him again is the leap, anything before that is the sprint. 

It took so much of you to build the confidence to see him again and even so, you were still a ball of nerves before you met with him. There was no possible way of telling how it was all going to end and there was no way you could rely on fate to grant you what you so desperately wanted. And the idea crushed you. It just so happened that sheer luck was on your side. Who's to say it will happen again? 

Your thumbs hover over the screen without any sense of direction. With Lola's eye watching cautiously she can clearly see your hesitance. She brings her hand over to rest on your forearm.

"What's the matter? Do you not want to see him again?" 

"No, it's not that, it's just...I don't want things to go wrong." Her eyebrows knit together. She quickly places her lunch on the desk besides her and swings her chair round to face you.

"What makes you think things will go wrong?"

"I don't know. I guess I just find it suspicious that everything seems to be going right just now between work and Tom, and...and I guess I'm just waiting for something to take a turn. Just like it has done before." You look up to Lola as she listens. She, out of all people, knows how unlucky your life has been from the tiny inconveniences to the hardest moments in life. Knowing this, she passes a deflated sigh.

"You need to stop expecting things to go wrong just because it has done before. Because when you do, you set yourself up for failure. Start expecting things to go right, even if that includes lying to yourself. Fake it until you make it. How do you think I managed to bag this job?" Lola chuckles. A smile begins to appear on your lips as her words sink in. Maybe she's right..."If you're worried about Tom: don't. I can guarantee you that nothing will go badly because I personally won't allow it. He clearly cares for you too much to let anything mess up, and that's not just my opinion, it's Harrison's too. And I'm sure you feel the same." 

You give a nod, eyes peering back down to your screen, a response waiting to be sent. 

"So...?" Lola queries. 

"I'll tell him I'm free," you smile.

~~~

You're not free. You're totally and unequivocally not free. As much as you want to see Tom again, you just simply can't. And you only realise the day before. The sprint was going so well, but you have to bail before you hurt yourself leaping the hurdle.

It's the anniversary of your mother's passing tomorrow and you made a promise to yourself and your mum to visit her, even if it means having to cancel any other plans to do it. You won't allow yourself miss it. 

You I'm so sorry Tom. I have to cancel this weekend. 

Tom Oh, okay. No worries. Is everything okay?

You There's something I need to do. I can't miss it. I'm sorry.

You haven't heard from Tom since that conversation, you suspect that he's disappointed because you bailed on him the day before. But you tell yourself there's nothing more important than this. 

As you stand before the white granite headstone, reading over the remembrance comment etched in gold, you maintain your grace and repose. You try your best to keep the tears at bay because you know she wouldn't want to see you upset, rather, she would want to see you remember her for the bubbly person she was. But it's easier said than done when you miss her as much as you do. 

You lay down the bouquet of carnations in front of her, offering a small smile as you remember her taking a liking to them when you were a child. And you have to agree, they're beautiful. As much as you try to suppress it, the memory touches a nerve and your lip begins to quiver. 

As you stand back up, you discover you aren't alone in the cemetery. You can't help but let out a gasp of disbelief as you see Tom making his way to you, flowers in hand. You said you wouldn't cry, but seeing him here, it's suddenly become overwhelming and you can't keep it in any longer. He wordlessly stands beside you, his hand seamlessly slipping into yours and giving your fingers a gentle squeeze providing for you that strength that you need. You always imagined doing this by yourself but now with him here, you never knew you needed him until he came, and you're more than grateful that he did.

He places down the flowers beside yours and lays his hand atop the headstone, just for a moment to pay his respects. You can't help but motionlessly watch in awe as the very man who was there for you when your mother passed, willingly be there for you again. 

You give a sniffle, wiping away the runaway tears with your other hand as you turn to him, glassy-eyed and short-breathed. 

"You remembered."

"It dawned on me when you texted to cancel," he murmurs back. "I'm glad to have been lucky enough to meet her. She was an incredible woman." You squeeze his hand as a wordless thank you, because you know your voice would break if you tried. In the moment's silence, naturally your head falls to Tom's shoulder, blinking away the tears and gaining back your composure. You can hear your mother's homely voice resonate in your head.

C'mon now, happy memories, darling. 

"Do you remember the first time you came over for dinner? She had made about four different varieties of cooked chicken because that's what I said you liked to eat," you giggle, intermittently broken up by a sniffle or two. Tom shares a reminiscent smile with you, remembering how delighted your mother was to meet him for the first time. She always had an awareness of how much you liked him at the time, even if you didn't tell her, she just knew. Mothers just know these things. So when Tom arrived a nervous wreck, she did her very best to make him feel at home and welcomed him as if he wasn't a stranger to her because she had trusted your fondness of him, knowing that if there was something about him that made you happy. There was no need to fix her own judgement.

That night she went above and beyond to make sure things were perfect; always wanting to please, always wanting to make things better for other people. She was selfless in that sense.

"I was so nervous as well. I didn't want to waste her cooking and not eat it all-"

"There were four meals, Tom, enough for a family of six, let alone one," you laugh.

"I was really screwed when she brought out the four-tiered cake." 

"You almost spewed that night-"

"I didn't want her to think I didn't enjoy her cooking! I mean I did, but there was just so much!" You're in full-blown hysterics now, laughing until you've nothing left to breathe. You cling to Tom's arm for support as your knees nearly buckle beneath you, and without fail he's there to catch you. The tears are still there however, not with sadness, but with the laughter that spurs them on. 

"I remember you collapsing in pain when we eventually lay down. You didn't move for hours." 

"I couldn't." He visibly shakes his head and his hand covers his stomach, reenacting and exacerbating the pain he felt that night, eliciting another giggle from you. As the conversation disperses, the serenity seeps in as the gentle summer's breeze glides through your hair. You find sanctuary in the warmth of Tom's hand as it melts the pain away and just for a second, it's almost as if the outside world is forgotten about. Just for a second, there's no one else around but you, Tom and the memories of your mum and you wouldn't have it any other way.

"Thanks for being here. It means a lot to me. It would mean a lot to mum too."

"It's my pleasure.”

"She really did like you, you know." He heaves a sigh, content but a touch of sadness. 

"I know." He places a consoling kiss just above your temple. "And she would've been proud of you." 

"I hope so-“

"I know so." Tom affirms. "She would be proud," he reiterates. 

You eventually detach from Tom to say goodbye to her final resting place, murmuring a subdued 'goodbye' before sauntering down the aisle of graves, hand in hand with Tom. Again, you thank him for being there, because without, you would've faced the rest of your day emotionally drained. If anything, your mood has been elevated. It's been really uplifting spending the time resurrecting the memories of a shared past, long forgotten but always treasured. Otherwise, you would've been too preoccupied with the pain of missing her to realise that there's another, happier reason for visiting her. And there was Tom to help you understand that. 

As you both leave the cemetery, there's a moment's hesitation on both parts about what happens next. Tom turns to you, grabbing your empty hand and holding it within his, a desperation for you to listen to his words.

“Listen,” he starts, swallowing a nervous lump in your throat. “I know you wanted to cancel today but it’s not too late to do something - I just really like spending time with you. Like I really do. If you’re up for it, I thought we could maybe grab some food?” 

“Sure. How about at mine? Lola’s bringing Harrison round. Maybe then that would be the best time to tell them.” A smile corners your lips. Tom scowls in confusion.

“Tell them what?” You huddle him close, arms slithering their way around his neck.

“That we’re together of course.” Tom lets loose a hearty laugh, chest bubbling with delight that resurrects the knowable twinkle in his eye. 

“I love you so fucking much, you know that?”

~~~~

As the four of you surround the miniature rounded table littered with takeaway food Tupperware and empty plates, sitting flatly on your bottoms as if you were children in school. Your eyes follow each person as they hover around the ring, determining that there’s no where you’d rather be; surrounded by your friends, laughing with the memories of the once disastrous holiday just weeks ago. The bitterness has dissolved and in its place a sense of belonging binds the memory.

You cast a shiver as Tom’s hand delicately ghosts little circles on your back. It takes a little moment for you to register it, but you finally have him back. He really is sitting beside you, claiming you as his as he did all those years ago, just as you claim him. He really does love you, just as much as he loves showing and telling it to you, and you can’t deny him because the feelings reciprocated. 

It dawns on you that you have your old life back. The burden of fate doesn’t seem like a dark, looming cloud anymore, but rather more like a hopeful ray of light, reminding you of what lays ahead now that life has seemingly owed you back for the past troubles. Having Tom back gives you that little boost of determination in that no; life isn’t always out to get you.  

You just needed to wait for the right moment. 

A knowing look is shared between you and Tom in anticipation of your little announcement. You take a breath and reach for Tom’s hand. 

“So, guys, we actually have something to tell you…” you begin, but Lola, too predictably, overtakes the moment. 

“We’re together!” shouts Lola. In her joy, he swings her arm around Harrison’s neck as he plants an endearing kiss on her cheek. You all cheer, clinking glasses and elbowing each other saying something along the lines of ‘finally’ or ‘took your time’. The moment settles and it’s only then does Lola realise she interrupted you.

“Sorry, what were you guys going to say?” 

“Well you kinda took the words right out our mouths…” mumbles Tom as he reaches over and snakes a hand around your waist and planting it confidently against your ribs. He sidles closer, cheeks reddening at the thought. He confirms by giving your cheek a long and tender kiss and joy runs through you. 

“You guys are together?” 

You both nod your heads, smitten with each other. You had anticipated for both Harrison and Lola to reciprocate the joy, sharing a cheer as you all clink glasses in a toast to relationships, or something as cheesy as that. However you only receive that response from Lola as her over-excitement and zeal compensates for Harrison’s pursed lips and dull features. You and Tom share a cautious look. It’s only when Lola lays out her hand with a smirk spread across her lips do you understand why. 

“You owe me a tenner, Haz. Cupid is never wrong.”

[agusvedder]

How season 11 outlined the romantic endgames.

I understand fear of disappointment, I understand, believe me. But this season (along with all the Dabb and Carver era) pointed out perfectly and outlined the romantic endgames for our boys, and the obstacles.

Endgames? Found family, Sam with Eileen, Dean with Cas. Freedom. Peace. 

Obstacles? Their own inhability of moving on, of changing, of acknowledging traumas and pain, and healing. Chuck.

As I pointed out on a different post about Season’s 13 THE ROAD SO FAR, they decided to use “Nothing else matters” to start the whole season. In the moment Hetfield sings “Forever trust in who we are” we see Sam hugging Eileen and Dean hugging Cas. 

Ring any bells?

I think that speaks for itself. At that specific moment of the show Eileen was dead, and Cas too. 

Why would they ‘show us Eileen in season 13′s opening if they didn’t plan on bringing her back later? Same with Cas?

(Eileen was gone until the last minute of episode 19, that Jack bring her, and everybody, back...)

FOREVER TRUST IN WHO WE ARE.

Forever is just the future word for ALWAYS. 

They were ALWAYS real. Always. 

(btw, I will NEVER stop talking about that road so far cause I love Metallica and ir brings me to tears)

On a season where the most important thing is what’s real and what’s not they decided to canonize both couples. Bring Eileen back from the dead, finally use Cas’s empty plot to show us that his happiness is loving Dean inconditionally. 

An amazing example of how Season 11 outlined the endgames is one of my favorites: “Into The Mystic”. They introduced Eileen on an episode where Castiel was possessed by Lucifer, pretending to be Cas to talk to Dean. 

Too many bells, halp.-

(HEHEHE! pain is my middle name) 

In that episode we meet Sam Winchester’s perfect woman, badass, smart,  planning to go to law school, lost her parents when she was a baby too, and she’s a MOL legacy. 

(Dude, first episode with her! THOSE HEART EYES!)

But this . . . this. 

Ring another bell?

“What the hell are you talking about, man?”

(That’s what I thought you’d say, you dumb fucking Dean)

At the end of the episode, Dean was left with a burning desire of following his heart and the pressing matter that he’s pining for someone (who’s not Amara, like he said in that same episode, he’s not in love with her), and we see Sam saving a pamphlet of the retirement home, showing us he still sees that light at the end of the tunnel. 

It’s made clear Dean was frustrated by the whole Amara situation but also seeing Cas not giving a fuck about it, not feeling the slight sign of jealousy, saying his bond with Amara is a good thing that can help them draw her out aka using him as bait.

In the end of this very same episode Sam apologizes to Dean for not searching for him when he was in purgatory (4 years later!!) and Dean shrugs him off cause that’s not really important for him anymore. What’s important for both of them is what happened during purgatory. Dean searched for Cas inceasently, praying to him every night, refusing to leave without him, and willing to die to get him out of there. In that very same moment, Sam gave up hunting to stay with the woman he loved (and a dog!!). He literally gave up, he wanted retirement. The same thing Mildred talked about with Dean in Into The Mystic. Just like Dean wanted it on season 13′s finale. 

To be honest, we can clearly see how Sam was certain of what he wanted for his future way before Dean did. That’s why he stayed with Amelia in season 8, that’s why he asked his brother 7 episodes before meeting Eileen if he ever thought about settling down with “someone who gets the life”. why he tried to give his number to “Piper” on that same episode. He’s been ready for settling down with someone for years now. And now he has his finally ever after with Eileen cause Chuck’s finally out the board.

Dean on the other side is so repressed with his feelings and wants that well, he cannot allow himself to let the sun shine on his face, and finally “Being”... finally “Say It”. 

What convinces me that Cas is coming back for a last episode, is that he’s the first step for Dean to accept what he wants for his future, he’s the only one who’s left for Dean to take the decision of being finally happy. He’s a constant in Dean’s life, and Dean loves Cas just as much as Cas loves Dean. He cannot function without Cas. He’s been forever saved and changed thanks to him. 

Also because he fucking deserve to end up with the man he loves so fully.

Dean’s arc is still open, Cas’s too. Sam’s not. He already have what he wanted, he can finally retire and be with the woman he love.

---

The whole plot of season 11 is connected directly to season 15. Amara, Cas’s depression and the look for his own faith/sense of purpose, Dean’s romantic conflict with Cas (He literally’s been screaming “Cas” the whole fucking season), Sam in look for what’s real and not, thinking he was talking to God when he was being manipulated by Lucifer (The gun wound that connected him to God, the visions, The Devil In The Details, a very very important episode for Sammy’s overall story), Rowena’s redeption arc, Chuck revealing he’s God. Don’t Call Me Shurley. Billie and the Empty being introduced into the storyline! 

I invite you guys to watch Dabb’s era again, it’s a plethora of unanswered questions (who finally found it’s answers this season), search for the sense of self, purpose, beating depression, redemption arcs for the villains, forgiveness. Family. Family. FAMILY. FA M I L Y .

[embrassemoi]

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 17

Pairings: Sirius B, Remus L, [F]Reader  Content: Language, possible errors A/N: slight head-hopping

Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter 17: The Stalking Map 

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January 31st, 1976 | 11:30 pm

“Move your arse over!” Lily whispered. Moments after the lights went out, she crawled out of bed, her silky nightgown dragged across the floor as she walked over to Y/N. In one hand, she held a pillow, the other, Toulouse.

Y/N giggled, scooting over. “Can't get enough of me?”

“Hush! You know what I mean,” she blushed. Lily slipped in, the bed dipped as she wiggled around, making herself comfortable. But the small size didn’t help as they were slightly cramped together, leaving little space for either girl to move. Y/N made a note to herself to charm her bed so it’d be larger.

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February 2nd, 1976 | 12:23 am

“You really shouldn’t cram studying like this.”

A candle burned brightly inside their closed curtain drapes as Y/N continued to stress over an upcoming test.

“You’re smart — but you’re lucky if you manage a troll.”

“Be anymore encouraging, will you?” Y/N muttered out sarcastically.

Lily rolled her eyes, getting up from her pretzel seated position as her hand reached out, disappearing beyond the curtain drapes. Leaning over and supporting herself by gripping the bed frame, she grabbed a coffee pot and two teacups, pouring a steaming amount into each. She handed her one, Lily’s eyes squinted, her tongue poking out in thought before beginning. “So, five birds will be ejected from the wand with a blue light…”

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February 4th, 1976 | 1:12 am

They stared at each other for a moment before Lily’s mouth twitched upwards. The silence only lasted for a few beats before they both erupted into roaring laughter so strong that they had to lean into each other to prevent themselves from rolling off the bed.

“No. You. Didn’t!” Y/N exclaimed.

“What was I supposed to do? Not punch him?!” “Precisely!”

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February 5th, 1976 | 10:59 pm

Lily danced, jumping around on her bed. Her bright hair bounced around wildly whilst Y/N held her wand, pretending it was a microphone. One earbud was in Lily’s ear, the other in hers.

‘Yes, I’ve been brokenhearted!’ They mouthed to each other, despite there being a silencing spell around Lily’s bed.

‘Blue since the day we parted,

Why? Why? Did I ever let you go?

Mamma Mia now I really know!’

Y/N took her hands, pretending to play chords as if she were in front of an actual piano, mimicking the erratic backtrack. Lily shook with laughter before she slowly sank onto the bed as her hair sprawled out.

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February 9th, 1976 | 12:17 am

“Ginger —”

“I consider that harassment and bullying. Do you know how many detentions I can give you?”

“Haha — ginger.”

“Ten points from Gryff —” “No —” “TWENTY POINTS FROM —” “I’M SORRY!”

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February 11th, 1976 | 1:37 am

“What do you wanna know?” She whispered.

Speckles of starlight slipping through the cracks of their drapes. Lily, for whatever reason, seemed restless. It always seemed like whenever it was extremely early in the morning, there was a change in Lily’s demeanour.

Lily averted her gaze, biting her bottom lip, “Tell me a secret.”

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February 12th, 1976

After almost two weeks of their almost nightly rendezvous, they’d gotten closer than they have in the past six months and it seemed like Lily knew her better than she did at times.

Lily was practically bouncing off the walls. Every day, she seemed to become more radiant, happier, bubblier and Y/N couldn’t help but wonder what caused such a spike in her mood.

The redhead wove their way out of the bustling crowd, her arm linked with Y/N’s. She’d caught a few times, Lily looking at her every now and then before she seemed to stare for a little longer than what was considered polite. She’d forced a cough, fiddling with a strand of hair with her free hand; looking everywhere — or at anything, but her.

Sometimes Y/N felt and sounded like a broken record.

Repeating her thoughts over and over again, analyzing herself and the people around her; overthinking causing loads of unanswered questions… It was a problem that she didn’t know how to switch off.

Sometimes, it’d become too overwhelming, even to the point of tears in frustration and the constant overthinking. It would start with a flicker of interest, morphing into a spiral of questions, then irritation before spreading through her veins like a wildfire, spiking with anxiousness or fury. But recently, her over-thinking wasn’t necessarily overwhelming or maddening, this time it was purely curious. It was as if she blinked an eye; suddenly Lily would be acting fine — normal to becoming strange and skittish within mere seconds.

Perhaps it was stress?

February began and the workload for the OWLs was beginning to wear down on everyone. To be dramatic, every day became a blur, all merging into one blob: wake up, head down to the hall, class, lunch, class, study — then become too overwhelmed from studying and have the urge to cry or yell, dinner, study more, then sleep. With hardly any time to retain the information and the OWLs set to start late May, Y/N’s main goal was to memorize every bit of information rather than learn what it meant; that was for another time.

Whenever the fifth or seventh years weren’t in class, they were studying in the library, the hallways, even at dinner or lunch. It was so busy that the Marauders made it a point to swing by — even Mary and Marlene were becoming frequent visitors too. Mostly, they studied, but other times it ended with Lily constantly threatening James with detention (which he already received one and lost around forty house points after starting a small fire — which nobody knew how it even happened), Peter brought baked goods but ended up spilling a cup of tea over his notes and robes; Sirius and Marlene often mucked around while Y/N and Remus begun migrating to the common room after Pince threatened to throw them all out (and honestly, they were tired with everyone else’s shit).

And it had been taking a toll on Lily. She’d lost sleep and was slightly more agitated when it came to those around her and overall seemed to become quieter than usual.

Yeah, it was probably stress, but it didn’t answer her happy mood. Whatever it was, it looked good on her.

That day, they decided to eat lunch away from the Great Hall. They sat on a nearby window ledge, watching students idly as they passed back and forth, all having their own little lives. Y/N’s back was pressed against the window, her knees bunched together as Lily guessed the lives of people around them.

Young students, old students, some smiling, some frowning. Usually, Hogwarts was almost too overbearing. The swarm of bodies clung together like magnets, hard to separate, hard to pull yourself away from because soon enough, you’ll be roped into another set of magnets. While Hogwarts had been smaller in size and population compared to Ilvermorny, you could never catch a break here.

But, in times like these, they were able to come down from the high. It was fascinating and oddly calm; the noise, the chatter, it all became background noise.

And like a magician, Remus popped out, walking towards them. Lily waved Remus down, inviting him to sit with them. Although, Peter wasn’t that far behind as he came bouncing up behind. A few people waved to him, he’d even stopped a few times to catch up with a few students that passed.

Remus took the free seat next to Y/N, Peter next to Lily.

“Bloody cold here,” Peter said, rubbing his shoulder up and down, handing each girl a muffin before Remus, but he declined, waving around a small bag of blackberries.

Lily and Peter quickly fell into a conversation while she and Remus turned to talk. His leg brushed against hers before ripping away quickly. Even with just the slightest touch, Remus was a furnace. Y/N quickly looked up to him, their eyes meeting shortly. Her eyebrow curled up at him, wondering why he was so warm; had he been sick? He didn’t look bad…

She hadn’t been spending that much time with him as of late, aside from the study groups. But he smiles broadly. There was a weariness on his face that seemed to have chased away immediately. “Noon.”

“Noon! How have you been?”

His smile turns even brighter, so much as he could rival the stars. There’s a certain playfulness in his eyes, devilishly and sly. He looks too eerily like James, but it only tells her that he’d come up with another prank recently.

“Great,” there is amusement in his voice, so smug, so confident. “Came up with a new prank idea.”

Bloody knew it, as he’d would say.  

“Tell me about it.”

“Well, let’s just say that there’s going to be a lot of dungbombs, Polyjuice potions and probably explosions.”

“Explosions?!”

“You’ll see.” Again, sounding so confident and smug. It put a smile on her face. “So what about you?”

Her mind racks around for a while; nothing much has happened recently; she’s stumped.

He considers her for a moment with a soft gaze, completely understanding. “We’re planning to mix in Polyjuice potion with pumpkin juice on Valentine's day at dinner. When the person drinks it; they should turn into who they fancy.”

“So where do the explosions come in?”

Remus gives a deep chuckle, “Now I can’t give away all my secrets, can I?”

But before she could make a witty retort, perhaps even convincing him to spill his deets, Peter calls out to Remus, pointing discreetly to a girl looking at them directly from the other side of the corridor. They all recognized her from the study group, a fourth year that comes on Wednesdays. She waved over to them — well, actually just at Remus as her other hand grasped an item behind her back.

He waves over, hesitantly getting up, “I’ll be back.

This wasn’t unusual — since he ran most of the fifth year groups, Remus constantly had younger students approach him in the halls. Although, they were all starstruck; after all, he was tall, a bit scary and a part of the oh so intimidating Marauders.

Their eyes were glued to his back as they watched the interaction play out. The girl tipped back and forth on her feet, swaying as she shyly looked up to him. She went on to a small monologue before pulling out a heart-shaped box of chocolates and holding it in front of herself.

Lily sucked in a sharp breath, a hand flying to her mouth to prevent giggling to seep out and the young girl overhearing, but it was out of entertainment rather than any malicious intent. Remus, however, did not look too phased, however, gave a pitiful smile, thanking the girl for her confession but letting her down softly. Within a second, the girl’s face contorted, her eyes swelling up with thick tears as she threw the chocolate box at Remu’s chest — but missed, scattering to the ground, as she bolted down the corridor.

“Blimey,” Peter breathed out, “That’s the third one this week. He’s going to beat Sirius for Valentine’s day confessions at this rate.”

“Well this is awkward,” Remus said, coming back to the group. He had picked up the box, an uncomfortable grimace on his face as he turned it around. Y/N looked up at him; he was flustered, unsure what to do. So, she patted his shoulder, gaining his attention and slid the box out of his hands and cracked it open; they were all sorts of different chocolate, milk, white, dark, truffles, shavings, even some had coconut while others were biscuits covered in it. It was intended for Valentine's day judging by the intricate and soft velvety packaging but she assumed that poor girl simply couldn’t refrain.

Yeah, she definitely should’ve waited — or not have said anything, but at least she had nerve. It felt like Y/N lacked the so-called Gryffindor trait often, so if anything, she applauded that fourth year.

The group looked at her oddly as Y/N shrugged, plopping a piece into her mouth. “What? Expensive chocolate is still expensive chocolate.”

She took the box, stretching her hand out, offering it to the group.

“Nu-uh,” Lily blurted, her wands waved out in front of her, “There’s no way I’m eating that.”

“Why?”

“Don’t you feel bad?! And that must be bad mojo! You broke her heart; why did you take the box?”

“Surely you saw her throw it at me! You didn’t expect me to throw it back at her?”

Lily stopped her scold, suppressing another fit of giggles before letting out a very loud snort. Y/N and Peter howled together at careless, ‘improper’ lady laughs that Lily usually didn’t make. Y/N liked the change, she seemed freer.

“Well, do you fancy anyone then?” Lily retorted as she composed herself.

Remus snorted too, scooted over to Y/N as she offered him the box. He nodded, grabbing a small bite-sized chocolate piece. He rubbed at his collarbone in a sheepish manner, cracking it which made Y/N and Peter's face scrunch up. “What do you think?”

“You should go and date around. Honestly, you have all these women at your feet and you’ve never gone on one.” Peter added.

“Yes, yes!” Lily urged, “Listen to him!”

“You guys care more about this than I do.”

If James and Sirius were the most popular students, James being goofy while Sirius was a playboy, and Peter had the most friends, Remus was definitely the most well-liked Marauder and the one with the coolest reputation; something that James was certainly jealous of. But the fact that he seemed oblivious to it, Y/N found hilarious and humbling, very unlike his friends.

His head shook. “Well then, what about you two. Do you fancy anyone?”

They both went red immediately. Peter bit the inside of his cheek before Y/N shoved the tray of chocolates his way; he grabbed a handful, eating them in complete silence. Lily, well, she went completely still, almost as if Remus had shot a spell at her. She coughed, looking away uncomfortably as a nervous chuckle embedded its way out.

Y/N’s eyes widened and she and Remus immediately whipped their heads to look at each other. Their mouths gaped, closing and opening like goldfish. Both of their minds reeled, thinking about the same thing. Remus snapped his head back to Lily, his finger pointing at her. “Godric! You do!”

“I-I do not! I don’t fancy anyone!”

“Spill! What’s he like?” Remus asked. They kept probing her for questions, in hope of an answer but she wouldn’t budge.

“Is it Potter?!” Peter asked, his happy mood dimming but he forced a chipperly grin.

Remus was choking on air itself, “You’re taking the piss!”

They all looked at her in burning anticipation. If it was true, James was going to have a field day. Lily’s eyes widened, reaching over to grab the lid of the chocolate box and wacked Peter with it.

They were a mess of giggles, particularly Remus and Y/N who watched Lily berate Peter for the sheer mention of James. They basked in the safe feeling of the sunlight on their skin, the warmth spreading through them and rivalled the bitter chill.

As more laughter erupted, memories created, chocolate eaten, the bell eventually rang. Lily parted off with Marlene and Peter, both in the small class, as Y/N joined Remus.

“You think it’s Potter? Can’t be, can it?”

“I think he’d cry if it was.”

“Truly, he’d go mental.”

“Or maybe Lily’s gone mad.”

Remus shrugged, a smirk tugged at his lips, “Perfect match then.”

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

Y/N slumped over her textbooks, watching as Bowie the Bowtruckle climbed into her hand. She hardly paid attention to what Kettleburn droned about.

“Alright! My pupils, listen up; next week, we’re starting a group project for the OWLs. But, I will be the one assigning the partners — oh don’t give me those faces! I have picked your partner based on grades and strengths. Ultimately you will both work together on hatching a Puffskein and care for it. It will be ongoing alongside the rest of your OWL studies and other projects I will assign.

“You will be graded on the overall health and happiness of your Puffskeins. We have gone over their care for a while and I think we’re ready to start. Remember to refer back to your books and do not hesitate to ask me. I have all your equipment ready to go next week.”

Kettleburn coughed, unfurling a piece of parchment with what the class assumed was a list of names.

“To start, Dorcas Meadowes and Lucinda Talkalot —”

Great.

Kettleburn continued to list name after name. Y/N brought a finger to Bowie, letting him touch her gently.

“ — Crabble and Evan Rosier.

“Amita Patil and Edmud Brown.

“Sirius Black and Y/N L/N.

“Susan Chang and Agnes —”

Wait.

Her eyes widened, sharply turning to Sirius who already stared back. Both of their mouths were agape. She hadn’t heard wrong.

“Now, don't ask me to change partners. I will do no such thing. We'll talk more about this next week. Class is dismissed — don’t forget about your paper due on Tuesday!”

Y/N watched as the class got up from their seats, her shoulders slumped dejectedly. Quickly, she stood, walking to the door and pushed the assignment quickly out of her head. But once reaching the door, a Slytherin knocked into her. His hands were pushed out, causing her books and notes to sprawl over the floor as he scoffed down.

“Sorry,” she groans out, “I didn’t mean —”

“Watch where you’re going, stupid Muggle.” With a sharp turn, Crabble walked away with a nasty smile.

Sirius had seen the entire ordeal go down, finding himself stuck at a crossroad; it took all the effort in the world to prevent himself from walking straight up to the boy, hexing him beyond belief, but casting a glance at her, struggling to process what just happened caused him to reassess his thoughts. Instead, he took a deep inhale, noting to himself to take care of that later, and strode towards her, dropping down as he picked up her books, shoving them neatly into her bag while collecting any loose sheet of parchment.

“You okay?” He asked with a voice so gentle it could have been mistaken for a whisper. He turned his head upwards to look at her.

Her eyes were foggy, a faraway look in them, completely in shock.

Sirius wasn’t sure what compelled him to, but his hand reached over, picking up her hand delicately in reassurance. His thumb stroked over her soft skin and helped to pull her to her feet.

The touch broke Y/N out of her daze; the physical contact caused both students to have a fuzzy, odd feeling settling at the pit of their stomachs. 

His touch was so soft, so gentle despite his eyes brimming with rage that almost seemed feral.

But, she hardly noticed it as she nodded weakly, jaw clenched. Her mind reeled, attempting to process her emotions — completely baffled and shocked. It was so sudden she felt like she hadn’t had time to digest the situation. Muggle… the Slytherin used it in such a derogatory manner. A word meant to simply describe her sounded bitter — disgusting and low.

Sirius pulled back quickly, the hand flying straight up to his hair. A thought passed through his head, he wanted to reach out again, but he squashed it for more important manners.

“Are you okay?” He repeated.

“Why are you helping me?” She blurted out before she could stop herself. It was the only coherent thought she had at the moment. Sirius out of all people should be laughing at her, shouldn’t he? Being a Pureblood and all…

The comment and the way her eyes judged him quickly told him all he needed to know. A panged sigh went through him.

“Look,” Sirius grew stiff, “I —” he paused, “I may not particularly like you, but I don’t like blood purist arseholes who push women more.”

With another once over, Sirius checked for any scratches or injuries before calming down. “I can take you to the Hospital Wing. It was a nasty fall.”

She shook her head again. The last thing she wanted was for them to get along only out of pity. Sirius understood, handing over her bag and walked away. She watched as his hand clutched the straps of his bag; his grip was so tight that his knuckles were white. His other hand, the one that he touched her with, flexed several times before curling into a fist.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

Currently, she sat by the window ledge in the common room, writing a letter to her mother. Although, her mother hadn't responded to her letters since December. In fact, her mother had only responded to two of her letters throughout her stay; about six months. It made Y/N bitterly press her lips into a thin line. For once, it’d feel nice for her own mother to prioritize her, to make her feel more important than her work.

Blood-red silk curtains nearly swallowed her whole, letting in the little light from the stars outside. The fireplace and chandelier were lit and she could scarcely make out the familiar figure of messy hair, two tufts sticking out like always, swinging an arm over her shoulders. He whined, “Oi! Evans has been stealing you! I feel like I’ve hardly talked to you the past week!”

“Jealous much?”

“Of course,” he said sarcastically, “Anyway, I, the James Potter, your best friend —" "Right." "— am inviting you on a prank. In or out?”

“In,” she said without hesitation. After the Muggle situation, she would do anything to get it out of her head, even for just a few hours. She immediately got up from her seat, walking out the portrait hole. James threw his invisibility cloak over them.

“What are we doing? Is it Remus’ prank we’re doing now?”

James turned to her, his eyebrows deep in confusion. “He told you about that? He hardly tells us before the day of the execution. Anyway, anything you want.”

“Anything I want? What about your boy band?”

He looked over to her in confusion, sliding out a small bag filled with both of their favourite snacks, tossing it to her. “Not coming, just us. Although Remus is on patrol tonight and his mini-gift to you — or er — us, he’s making sure that the Gryffindor and Slytherin floors are cleared from teachers. Should go off without a hitch. So, I’ll ask you again, what do you have in mind?”

“Pranking the Slytherins,” she said without a pause which caused James to grin.

“Atta girl! Learning from the best!”

The prank itself was small in comparison to the prank she helped with on Halloween. Y/N decided on having the prank in the Great Hall for everyone to see. James produced about a dozen dungbombs from his bag, setting it under the Slytherin table and placing a timer on it, ready to be set off in the morning.

But she insisted on the one Slytherin from earlier. Crabble, was it? She asked James to help her give him a little bit more misery than the others. They placed a dozen hexes and jinxes on his usual seat: hair lost jinx, jelly legs, horn tongue hex, Engorgio, twitchy ears, bedazzling hex —

Right now was not the time for Y/N to forgive and forget — revenge was beautiful, fulfilling; she couldn’t wait.

But, their only downfall was that they weren’t on the floors Remus had cleared out for them. So when Mrs. Norris came up to them, only to dash out of the hall, it caused the two pranksters to finalize their escapade before James grabbed her hand and fled the scene.

They ran throughout the empty corridors as the clicking of their shoes echoed throughout the corridor. They were both laughing, smiling brightly. They ran past the Bloody Baron and Nearly Headless Nick, woke up most of the portraits before they heard the vague sound of Filch’s screaming.

“COME BACK HERE!”

“YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO CATCH US!” Y/N shouted, which had James snickering.

He whipped his head around and placed two hands around his mouth to make his statement louder, “YOU MUST BE LOOKING FOR A GALLEON, EH?! RENT BOY!”

After an abundance of sharp twists and turns, passing by countless hallways and secret tunnels, James seized a blank piece of parchment from his back pocket. He muttered a few words, opening it and ran down another set of corridors, through a tunnel and outside of the castle.

“What are you doing?!”

“Just trust me!”

There wasn’t even a moment’s hesitation: Y/N had grown to trust James a long time ago.

They ducked under an overhead from the castle, far away from Filch. Their ragged breaths filled the air before Y/N snatched the parchment from James’ grasp. “What is this?”

A panicked look flashes through James before he reaches over, trying to pry it from her grasp.

“Nu-uh!” She waved in front of her.

He sighed, realizing that he wasn’t going to get it back and that lying was the worst possible option. “You can’t tell anyone — my chaps will have my head if you do —”

“Who do you think I am?! Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course,” he rolled his eyes at her guilt tripping, “It’s a map we all created — er — Moony was the one to create it. He came up with it and did most of the work. Anyway, it tells us where everything and everyone is at every minute of the day.”

On the front, it read in maroon colours of the boy’s code names, Moony at the very front.

Moony — Remus… always a surprise.

James opened it, flicking it open as he pointed to a pair of animated footprints sprinted around the page hurriedly; Filch's name appearing overhead. His name travelled across the paper at a fast pace, running and zigzagging down the halls in the opposite direction. And by the looks of it, Peeves was following him. Above, they could see Remus’ name close to where they used to be, his name moving quickly in what both assumed was him trying to look for them. He must’ve heard the screaming.

It truly was amazing their little map. She marvelled at the classrooms, every hallway, every inch of ground that covered the surrounding area. Passageways, hallways, doors and abandoned classrooms were all there. Although, a few areas were missing. She noticed how the little nook underneath the tapestry nor a large plot of land close to the left-wing of the castle had yet to be mapped out.

“I proudly present the Marauder’s map.” James boasts.

Her face scrunched up, “You mean the stalking map — perv.”

James faked an offended expression, a hand came to clutch his heart. “I was raised to be a gentleman!”

“Sure thing.”

He was about to make another joke before his face slowly fell upon realization, “Wait, really? Is that why Lily doesn’t like me?” He tugged down on his hair in distress, his eyes looking as if they were to pop out any second. “Do women think I’m perving around?!”

Y/N chortled, prying the map from his hands and slipped back into the castle while having a panicked James follow, completely freaking out in the background, spurting out concern after concern.

She followed the map, walking over to Remus who stood underneath a large painting. He escorted them back to the common room to prevent them from getting any possible detentions and not needing the invisibility cloak. But James continued to babble on about his (alleged and false) creepy behaviour, his emotions spiking while Remus watched the two.

“Okay,” he sighed, observing James have a meltdown as he clung to Y/N’s arm, spewing apologies if he had ever crossed a line. “What did you do? You broke him.”

"Nothing.” 

He didn’t question it but his nostrils flared as he attempted to press his lips in a thin line, his face going as red as Lily’s hair.

[anagentinwriting]

Lifeline - Part 17

Summary: (First Responders!AU) Moving to Los Angeles and living with your brother, Thor, was never part of your plan nor was being a 9-1-1 dispatcher, but plans change when you are faced with your own emergencies. In your case, it was leaving behind a relationship that wasn’t as perfect as it seemed. Will this be the fresh start you were hoping for or will your past find a way to catch up with you?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Odinson!Sister Reader

Word Count: 3800+

Warnings: Angst, violence, suspense, kidnapping

Lifeline Masterlist / Main Masterlist

Nat kept a watchful eye on Thor when he came back to the waiting room. He was twirling his phone in his hand when his eyes connected with hers; He shot her a hard glare before shaking his head. She grimaced, letting out a scoff and stood up a little straighter. She turned her attention back to assist Clint with asking routine questions to Bucky, Carol, and Val. Bucky’s eyes connected with hers, and he reached out, taking her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze before letting go. She nodded, putting a strand of hair behind her ear.

Nat tried to focus on doing her job, but she was too close to this. You were one of her best friends, and she was scared for you in this situation. She wanted to believe what Thor was saying about Jig and Billy being the same person, but she needed proof or some sort of evidence, pointing them in that direction. Steve’s phone was the key to this, but she couldn’t go through it in case they needed it to use against him in court. She didn’t have a problem with lying, but if the defense found out what she did, she would be screwed and possibly lose her job. Billy deserved to be locked up for everything he did to you, and that cell phone would be another reason on a long list of reasons to lock him up. She wanted to protect you like Thor did, but it needed to be done right. 

“Natasha,” Thor shouted, forcing her head to snap in his direction. He was heading their way with Sam behind him. “Sam can confirm Billy and Jig are the same person. He met Jig once.” 

She narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms across her chest. “Is this true, or are you making it up?” 

“It’s true,” Sam nodded. “I met him one night at Happy’s. It was a quick meeting, but you don’t forget that white boy’s pretty face.”

Nat’s mouth dropped open, covering it with her hand in shock. Bucky was beside her, placing a reassuring hand on the small of her back. She looked over at him with tearful eyes as her mind drifted to the worst-case scenario. Bucky pulled her into a hug, and everything around her became white noise.

Billy got to you; he abducted you and almost killed Steve in the process. She squeezed her eyes shut, pulling Bucky closer. How did this happen? How did he even find you? How long has he been here? What was going to happen to you? All these unanswered questions flooded her mind until everything went silent. This was what she needed, evidence to find you and bring you home safe. Her eyes snapped open, pulling away from Bucky. She smirked at him, and his blue eyes narrowed at her. 

“Keep me updated on Steve, will you?” She whispered, putting her hands on his cheeks.

He nodded. “As long as you do the same with YN.” 

She kissed him, turning around and catching Thor’s eye. “Thor, let’s go.”

“Wait, what? Where?” Thor was looking between everyone as if asking if they had the answers.

“To find your sister, but we may have to ask for a little help.”

“But, I thought you weren’t technically on the case?”

“Small technicality. Nick will forgive me; I’m one of his favorites,” she winked, and Clint nodded in agreement. “Besides, I’m also a concerned friend of the victim, and I’m just following a possible lead. It could lead to something, or it might not.” Nat shrugged, looking over to Clint. “Cover for me?” 

“It’s what I do best.”

“Let’s go get this bastard,” Thor stated, giving Nat a forgiving nod. 

__________

The soft melody coming from the radio woke you up, but you didn’t move. A breeze hit your face, and the smell of the ocean hit your nose. A calm sensation came over you as you moved ever so slightly, feeling your hands bound, restricting your movement. Taking in another breath, a hint of familiar cologne came to your senses. You gulped, turning your head to what you hoped was a window. A sharp pain hit the side of your face, making you wince, causing your eyes to flicker open. The car sat parked near the ocean, and you could see the sun rising in the distance, cascading a soft glow over the landscape. You glanced at your hands, seeing a zip tie wrapped around them. You gulped, looking over to the driver’s seat to find your ex-husband wrapping his wrist. Your eyes widened as your mind flashed to him on the other side of the door, Steve laying motionless on the ground, the struggle in your condo, Cosmo attacking, and a punch to your face that knocked you out cold. 

“Good morning, honey. Did you sleep well?”

“What… what did you do?” You stammered, feeling tears start to form in your eyes. 

He smirked, taping the gauze on his wrist. “I think the better question is what did you do?” You narrowed your eyes, wincing as a sharp pain traveled alongside your face. Your hand shot to your face, touching the tender area between your eye and cheekbone. “I warned you what would happen if you left. People would get hurt, but you didn’t listen.” 

“Is he dead?”

“Who? Steve? Would it make a difference if he was?” He quirked an eyebrow as your bottom lip trembled, staring out the window at the ocean. “I wouldn’t worry about him anymore.”

“Why did you do that?” Your voice cracked as a sob escaped from your mouth. “He was a good man.”

“Steve was a great guy. I didn’t want to hurt him. I liked Steve. He was one helluva pool player, and we were friends,” he paused, your head snapping in his direction. “But, when he put his hands on you. I wanted to kill him.” Billy clenched his fists, shaking his head. “Steve doesn’t deserve you. He was never good enough for you. Hell, he was just using you to get over his dead wife.” He let out a breath, his dark brown eyes connected with yours, sending a shiver down your spine. “If you stayed home and didn’t leave me, we wouldn’t be in this situation right now. Steve wouldn’t be dead because of you.”

Your stomach dropped, with tears threatening to fall down your cheeks. You squeezed your eyes shut as the sharp pain radiating from your cheek was welcoming compared to what you were feeling inside. You swallowed down a sob, but your shaky breath didn’t dissipate. Your head clouded up, blocking out any other sound besides your racing heart. You slowly opened your eyes, trying to blink the tears away, but a few escaped down your cheeks and landed on your jeans. You stared at the wet droplets, unable to move, only being able to concentrate on your breathing. You sniffled, clearing your throat. “How long have you been watching me?”

“Does it matter?” He arched a brow at you. “I will give you some credit though, leaving that note saying you and Loki took an impromptu trip together. At first, I didn’t think much of it. I mean, you two are attached at the hip, so I knew you would be back in a few days, but you never did come home. Even after I saw Loki’s posts about being back home, but still no you. ” He leaned back in his seat, rubbing a hand over his mouth. 

“The most frustrating part of all was that you never returned my calls, which led me straight to Loki, and he told me you were staying with him for a few more days. I thought, ‘Alright. I get it. You want some time.’” He sighed, shaking his head. “After a few more days of no new texts and no returned phone calls. I decided to sneak into Loki’s and quickly realized you weren’t staying there. In fact, it looked like you were never there. Then I proceeded to go to your work, which I now realized I should’ve done to begin with because I discovered you quit.” He paused, hitting the steering with your palm, making you jump in your seat. 

“It was embarrassing to find out your wife left you in front of her co-workers.” He clenched his jaw, staring daggers at you. “This led to me tracking your phone, but it never did tell me where you were.” He smirked. “I am almost positive it involved an anti-tracker app. Smart play.” He nodded. “Nice to know you learned a few things from me during our time together, but I’m surprised you didn’t think I wouldn’t be able to find you?”

“Who's to say I didn’t,” you countered, wiping the tears from your cheeks. 

He cackled in the seat next to you, shaking his head, and in one quick motion grabbed your jaw and forced you to look at him. You tried to jerk away, but he tightened his hold. All the mischief in his eyes was gone, replaced with his harsh gaze. He clenched his jaw, making you gulp and stare into the depths of his emotionless eyes. “You think you’re so clever, don’t you? Running off to your big brother, thinking he would protect you. It’s cute really, but deep down, he didn't do his job the first time, let alone this time. He didn’t protect you. He didn’t keep you safe. It’s comical, just how easy it was to get you back.” He scoffed, licking his lips. “And Loki’s all the same. They’re both egoistic, self-absorbed, and out for themselves. It’s poetic, how you were always there for them, but they were never there for you like I was.” He reached over and dragged his fingers against your cheek. You clenched your jaw, pulling away from his touch.

“What do you want from me?” You mumbled, observing him from the corner of your eye. 

He sighed, dropping his hand. “Isn’t it obvious? I want you to come home where it is safe. Come home to someone who actually cares about you. My god, YN, you have no idea how much I have missed you and….and I’m sorry,” he confessed as his voice cracked. Your head snapped in his direction to see him running a hand through his hair. “I was an asshole for how I treated you, and I can’t believe I became that person.” His gaze caught yours, noticing his lips trembling. “I told you I would change, but I didn’t, and I don’t know why.” He paused, clearing his throat. “I want to change, but I don’t think I can do it without you. I need you. You have always believed in me more than I believed in myself. I don’t want to lose what we have together. Please come home to me. I forgive you for running. I want to start over, start fresh, start that family you always wanted. Anything; I will do anything,” he begged with tears on the verge of falling. 

You swallowed, staring wide-eyed at him, not knowing what to say. Billy has always been a confident talker, telling you what you wanted to hear and making all the right promises.  He could coax you into coming back every time you left him with his caring apologetic words. You believed you could trust him time and time again. He could persuade you into getting what he wanted, not what you wanted. 

You rubbed your lips together, knowing what you should say or at least what he wanted you to say. But, you didn’t need him anymore, like he needed you. You moved on, and in this moment, he couldn’t control you anymore. “I want to start a family, Billy.” His shoulders sank in relief as a smile crossed his features. “But, I don’t want it with you. I don’t want anything to do with you. Our relationship is a repeating pattern that causes both of us pain. I can’t do this with you anymore,” you breathed, your eyes flickering to his; they changed from sincere and honest to dark and destructive in a matter of seconds. 

He brought his hand down his face, shaking his head. “You don’t get to say when this is over. I do.” He let out a deep breath and slapped you across the face. You yelped, sending a shooting pain down your same cheek, bringing tears to the corner of your eye. You leaned away from him, reaching for the door handle, and tried to push it open, but he grabbed a hold of you and held a knife to your throat. 

 “STOP MOVING,” he grunted through clenched teeth. You quit squirming and stared at the blade against your throat. “It didn’t have to come to this. ” He clenched his jaw, grabbing the passenger seat belt and strapped you in. He leaned forward, his breath fanning against your ear as he whispered, “I have a plan, but unlike yours, it will work.” 

____________

Thor and Nat walked through the doors of your dispatch center. Thor’s eyes scanned the many individuals typing away at their screens and talking into their headpieces. It was a different scene than what he was used to. It felt calmer and less hectic, but on the other end of the calls, he could only imagine what people were going through.

Bruce made eye contact with them, holding up his pointer finger as he helped one of the dispatchers at their desk.  

“Bruce, busy man,” Thor chuckled, and Nat hummed in agreement.

“Thor, Nat, hi. Any news? Have the police found anything?” Bruce asked, walking over to them.

“Don’t get me started on the police. At YN house, they were walking around finding clues and placing their little yellow numbers by them, and taking pictures. Like, what is that going to do? They should be out looking for her since I already told them who abducted her, but no one believed me.” Thor shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Calm down, big guy, it’s called procedure, and we were finding evidence.” Nat patted him on the shoulder before turning to Bruce. “Anyways, we came to ask for a favor, and we think you could help us with it.”

“Name it,” Bruce nodded, putting his hands in his pockets. 

“We need to track this number, but the fastest way without a warrant is to go through dispatch, or so I heard,” Nat hinted, raising her eyebrows.

“What is it? Landline or cell phone?”

“Cell phone.”

“Cell phones are trickier since we don’t get an automatic address like we do with landlines. Our system has to digitally request the phone’s location from the cellular network. I will have to put in a manual request, which won’t be a problem, it will just take some time,” Bruce stated, going over to one of the computers. “What’s the number?” Thor read the number off his phone as Bruce typed it in and quickly filled in the necessary information.

___________

Billy pulled into a gas station and parked the car behind it. He reached behind your seat, hearing him shuffle around and come forward with a scissor, wet nap, and a baseball cap. He cupped your face in his hands, using the wet-nap to wipe your face. You squeezed your eyes shut, ignoring the pain on your cheek. “There’s my girl, all cleaned up.” He lifted your head with his finger and tilted it in all directions. He grabbed ahold of your bound hands, cutting the zip tie from your wrists. “Put this hat on, and just know, if you run, you don’t want to know what I will do.” 

You nodded, biting the inside of your cheek. He squeezed your hands before getting out of the car and coming around the front to get you. He opened the door, instantly putting his arm around your shoulder, leaning into you. You tensed up, smelling the all-to-familiar cologne that sent your nerves firing in warning. It was a cologne you loved, having picked out for him when you first started dating, but now it filled your head with many unpleasant memories. 

“Loosen up, hon, you can trust me,” he whispered in your ear, hitting the bill of your hat, making you readjust it. 

You gave him a hard nod, forcing a tight smile. He let go of you as someone was walking out, holding the door for the two of you. You looked the man straight in the face, hoping he would take a look at you and help in some way, but Billy mumbled a quick thanks and took your hand. You glanced at the guy behind the register, but he stared down at his phone while Billy dragged you to the drink coolers. 

“What do you want?” 

“Can I run to the bathroom? Can’t pick anything on a full bladder,” you smirked, squeezing his hand.

“Of course, make it quick,” he nodded, letting go of your hand.

You walked back up the aisle and down another, glancing at the man behind the counter, who was still staring down at his phone. Keeping a watchful eye on Billy, you snatched a set of permanent markers from the shelf and hid them in the front of your pants and under your shirt. You took one last peek over your shoulder to see Billy’s eyes following you and opened the door to the ladies restroom.

You locked the door and leaned against it, taking in your surroundings, but there was nothing that could help you. It was a single stall bathroom with no windows. How come the only bathrooms that ever seemed to have windows were in the movies. You sighed, rubbing your forehead. There weren’t many options left: leave a note and hope someone sees it and gets help. It felt silly, but what did it hurt? You pulled the markers from the front of your pants and grabbed a brown paper towel, scribbling out a message and placing it by the sink along with the markers. 

Gripping the edge of the bathroom counter, you let out a deep breath, staring down into the semi-dirty sink. You removed your hat, running your hand through your hair, and looked up at your reflection in the mirror. It was like you were right back to where you started, staring at the fragile woman you thought you left behind. The color around your right eye was changing to a dark black and blue, your cheek was puffy, and there was a small cut on your lip. 

“You can get through this,” you reassured yourself, splashing cold water on your face. “Someone is looking for you.” Splash. “Someone will find you.” Splash. “Steve isn’t dead because of you.” Splash. 

You stared at the water flowing out of the faucet as images of Steve started filling your mind. His signature smirk, his chest-grabbing laugh, his caring yet determined personality, and how he... Tears began forming in the corner of your eyes, blurring your vision. You squeezed them shut, sniffling, before opening your eyes to your reflection. “No crying; not yet at least; first, you need to make it out.” You cleared your throat, promising yourself with a nod. You slipped the hat back on and opened the door, jumping in surprise to find Billy waiting there.

“Grabbed your favorites,” he grinned, holding them up. You forced a smile, following him to the register. Billy placed the drinks, snacks, and a few wound cleaning supplies on the counter. You smirked, remembering Cosmo’s rescue efforts. The front door jingled, pulling your attention to a mother and her young daughter walking in.

“Okay, Monica, run to the bathroom, and I’ll grab us some snacks.” You let out a small sigh of relief, smirking at them going their separate ways. 

“We should start a family once we settle into our new home,” he whispered into your ear with a smirk on his lips.

“New home?” You questioned, narrowing your eyes at him.

“It’s part of my plan.” He wiggled his eyebrows, paying the man with cash. “You always wanted a family; why not start now.” He shrugged, leaning into you. He smiled at the clerk, grabbing the bag and holding out his other hand to you. You took it, fighting the urge to roll your eyes. 

Billy dragged you back out to the car and let go of your hand. He opened the back door while you headed for the passenger side door. “Wait, don’t get in; we’re switching cars. He should be here any minute.”

“Why?”

“I’m sure the police already have the make and model of this car through surveillance video or the license plate number from the note you left in the ladies room.”

“What note?”

“Don’t play stupid. I’m not an idiot, besides why else would you be smirking at a mother and daughter,” he sneered while a car pulled up beside them. “Speak of the devil, right on time.”

A Rolls Royce Wraith pulled up, forcing you to roll your eyes. This was his getaway car, more than a quarter of a million-dollar car, and he expected to get away with you. It was the same car he owned in New York, but this one had updated California license plates. A bald man got out of the driver's side, coming over to you and Billy. It was hard not to be creeped out by him, with a milky left eye and a scar underneath it. 

Billy’s phone buzzed once more in his hand. He looked down at it, letting out a quiet snicker. He read off the abduction alert, including your name, what you looked like, and what you were wearing last. “Turns out you got someone looking for you after all. It’s a shame they aren’t going to find you.”

You gulped, noticing the bald man smirking. “As requested, your new phone--” he handed Billy a flip phone while Billy handed him his smartphone “--with a few contacts that you can trust and help you if it’s necessary.  And everything you requested is in the back seat, but knowing you, Billy, you two have already disappeared.”  

Your breathing quickened at his words, your eyes darting between the two men shaking hands. Billy had the perfect plan, and you were stepping right into it. You were going to disappear, become a ghost, and no one was going to be able to find you. Your defeated eyes caught Billy’s, not missing the amusement dancing in his. You bit your lip, staring into the distance, hoping the daughter saw your note and called the police. But it dawned on you that help wasn’t coming, which left you with two options: start over and try to be happy with him, or adapt and overcome. 

“Thank you for your help, Agent Orange. I’ll owe you one.”  Orange nodded at Billy, walking over to the previous car before getting in and driving away. “Well, get in, honey. It’s time to go on our road trip.”

___________

AN: Thanks for reading Part 17! This doesn't sound like it will be a fun road trip, and from the looks of it, Billy seems to be one step ahead of her with every move she makes. How is she gonna out think him? If you haven't noticed already, Billy is a real piece of work, and I'm hoping he came off as a psychopath in this part. If not I tried my best, it's hard to tap into a dark mindset like that! Haha! I will say though, Ben Barnes, who plays Billy Russo, is an attractive man, but I will admit his brown eyes can get scary dark sometimes. Like when he's mad, you can just see it in his eyes, so I tried to play off that. And it seems like he has a buddy helping him, Agent Orange, I wonder how they know each other? Also, we kind of have a better understanding where Nat's head was at at the end of the last part. She was worried about her friend and wanted everything to be done right, and put Billy away for good. And what do you think of her and Thor teaming up to find her? And can't forget that little assist from Bruce, but will they be able to find her before she disappears forever or will something worse happen along the way? Is Steve gonna pull through? And man, I sure hope Cosmo is doing okay! Until next week, thanks again!

[eternally6pm]

To Distraction

Rating: T

Characters: Jakob, FCorrin, vague mention of various occupants of the Northern Fortress, Corrin’s Nohrian siblings.

- almost to a state of madness -

A/N: These are two old reposts mashed together. In a stroke of serendipity on my old blog, I had received two four-word prompts that happened to inspire two scenes with some sort of continuity. This takes place pre-Fates, with a number of assumptions: that Corrin and Jakob arrived in their adolescence having already developed strong feelings for one another; that Jakob, being the older of the two and a pessimistic sort of young man, wanted to do the practical thing and attempted to distract himself from the horrifying realisation that he was falling in love with his master - and that this failed miserably.

One of my favourite things about master-servant relationships is that even when there are hard lines and clear expectations, on closer inspection, you can never be sure who really holds power over the other.

---

Felicia could not find any clean hose. Knowing that the maid had not only a tendency to misplace but to also overlook things, Corrin joined her in her search and was very soon just as perplexed – not a single pair could be found.

As Felicia excused herself and ran off to find her sister, Corrin sat uncomfortably before her mirror, still laced in the leathers that she had worn to combat training that afternoon. She judged herself to look somewhat foolish, her tightly braided hair in disarray, her jerkin having ridden up so that the edge sat too high, the thick, stiff leather digging into the flesh of her stomach as she tried to sit on her chair.

She was going to have to ask for a new one. Her current jerkin just didn’t fit over her hips anymore, and the space in the chest was too small. There was pain in her back when she tried to stretch upwards, and if pushed a little too hard, she found it difficult to draw breath.

Gunter had been dissatisfied with her progress today, having knocked her onto her back several times without much exertion. Her left wrist smarted when she tried to flex it and she realised that she must have landed too heavily upon it while trying to soften her fall in a clumsy attempt to spare her sore backside from additional bruises to the ones that had already darkened there.

Corrin sighed, shifting slightly in her seat as she saved all these thoughts for later, when she saw Jakob. He was a soothing thought, a welcome presence who always came after Flora and Felica left, bearing a tray with her dinner and a gentle smile. At her request, he would stay to lend a patient ear to her complaints, and she always felt slightly guilty, keeping him from his duties, but never guilty enough to deny herself the part of the evening she looked forward to most.

Come to think of it…

Jakob would know. He knew where everything was.

With a wince, Corrin planted her hands on the seat and heaved herself from the chair, her already stiff muscles protesting the movement. Reaching for the bell, she rang for assistance.

It was not uncommon for her summons to go unanswered. There were few servants at the Northern Fortress, and often, they were distracted by either Felicia setting fire to something, or were simply occupied with something else.

Corrin waited only long enough to work her gauntlets and wrist guards loose and shed them where she stood before dipping her hands into a basin of (cold, goodness, Felicia,) water to wash the grime from her fingers. Drying her hands on a soft cloth, she left her room.

The Northern Fortress sat on the border of what was historically, heavily contested land. As a result, the fortress was structured as simply that – austere, heavily fortified barracks for housing soldiers in preparation for war. Now that the borders of Nohr stretched far beyond this point, it had been repurposed as Corrin’s home – though it often felt more like a prison than a home.

Fortunately, the nature of the Northern Fortress meant that servants were given the unusual benefit of being granted individual rooms, and the privacy was a privilege so great, not a soul cared to complain of the size of their quarters.

Corrin knew where Jakob slept. It was a piece of knowledge that she guarded jealously because she knew that Gunter would take a riding crop to Jakob’s wrists and shoulders if he ever found out that the princess was visiting his chambers in the dead of the night to trade books and whispered conversations when she couldn’t sleep.

Lately, Jakob had been more reluctant to open his door to her – he spoke constantly of propriety and what was appropriate, and Corrin, well-read and suitably informed by her sister, had more than just a vague notion of what it all meant. However, she also knew for certain that she didn’t like being told that she wasn’t allowed to spend time with him, especially now, when she realised suddenly that she would rather be around no one else.

She found that she liked to watch him whenever she could, studying his profile when he focused on work or catching a glimpse of him when he sparred with the other boys. Not that she could really call Jakob a boy anymore… she couldn’t remember when things had started to change, but now when he spoke, his voice was deeper, a low, wonderful sound that sank like hot liquid into the depths of her chest, and he had put on a lot of height, towering head and shoulders over her in a way that made her want to crawl into his lap and steal the warmth from his skin.

Thinking about him made her feel sick with delight.

Even now, as she approached his room, her stomach flipped like she was falling, and she had to inhale deeply to slow the rapid pulse of her heart. She was irrationally nervous. All she had to do was ask if –

“Oh!”

Corrin’s shoulder was knocked backward, unprepared for the sudden contact, and an arm reached out to steady her, a maid who immediately gasped in recognition and released her hold, dropping into a deep curtsy.

“Princess! A thousand apologies, Your Highness!”

Corrin waved a hand in dismissal. “It’s quite all right. My attention was elsewhere.”

“As was mine, milady. Forgive me for being inexcusably clumsy.”

“Think nothing of it. There is nothing to forgive.”

The maid lifted her gaze, smiling and Corrin could not help but notice that she was remarkably pretty, with blonde hair and eyes the colour of the sky on a fine day. She folded her hands neatly upon the front of her apron and politely inclined her head. “Can I be of assistance, my lady? Do you seek Flora?”

“Jakob, actually.”

“Oh.” At this, the maid directed her eyes downward again, and seemed to hesitate, the tips of her fingers worrying the edge of her skirt. “He is in his room, Your Highness. Though I believe him to be presently occupied.”

The sensation of falling returned, but this time, Corrin felt dread clench about her gut.

“Th-thank you…”

“Clara, Your Highness,” she curtsied again, colour rising into her cheeks and Corrin felt suddenly ill, nauseous as the maid’s words seeped into her skin, crawled into her pores with little thin legs to wriggle and bite.

“Thank you, Clara.”

She curtsied once more, but Corrin had already turned to continue her path, her steps quickened by fear or anger – she could not tell which.

She found his door ajar, and in her urgency, forgot to knock, pushing it open and letting herself in as his name left her mouth in a bark.

“Jakob!”

Dismay struck her square in the chest like a blow from Gunter’s shield, and she was winded, her heart still and all sound stifled as she watched him turn in shock to face her, his hands grasping at his half-open shirt for decency as he stammered unfinished words and excuses.

“Lady Corrin! I am not – I didn’t hear –“

She couldn’t breathe.

She couldn’t speak.

“Apologies, milady, if you could spare me a moment, I could – “

The air smelt stale, acrid with the scent of something unseen, warm like the heat of two bodies.

I believe him to be presently occupied.

Her chest heaved against her inanely ill-fitting leathers and swallowing the bile that sat at the back of her tongue, she willed her lips to smile through the pain of her heart cleaving in two.

“Do not concern yourself, Jakob, it is only me.”

A burden, a chore.

“I came to ask you something.”

It was a tone Camilla had made her practice, repeat so often that it came with only slight effort.

Still his fingers fumbled at the buttons and Corrin stared jealously at the smooth skin and taut muscle that he hid away – a sight for someone else.

But never for her.

“Felica cannot find any clean stockings. Are you able to assist?”

The question sounded foolish and trivial. In that moment, Corrin could not have cared any less if she caught her death walking barefoot through the halls of this damned fortress.

“She sent you to fetch me?” Irritation caused his brow to furrow. “Is she insane?”

“Felicia is not at fault, I came of my own accord.” And oh, how she regretted that decision.

“Nonsense,” he muttered, and Corrin hated the way she enjoyed watching him knot his cravat, neat and pleasantly high upon his neck.

Did he remove it himself, or did she help him?

Where did she touch him?

Do you love her?

The questions prickled on the tip of her tongue and frustration wrenched an empty substitute from her lips. “Who were you with?”

“J-just a friend, milady,” it was the same blush, the same downward glance.

Why did she have to be so beautiful?

All of a sudden it felt like her lungs were bloated with water, her throat tight. Corrin was drowning and she had to leave, lest she retched and spite was expelled from her mouth.

“I’m sorry I was a bother, Jakob. I’ll see if Flora can help.”

She did not care to hear what else he had to say, turning to leave, and wandered blindly, until she returned to her own rooms where she gave no replies to Felica and Flora’s concerned questioning.

She nodded numbly as Flora explained that her stockings had simply been moved, and there were plenty, so there was no need to fret.

Silently, she let the sisters undress her and climbed into the bath they had prepared, sinking beneath the surface where it was warm and she could not tell the scented water apart from the tears that she shed.

“Felicia. Please inform Jakob that I do not want dinner. He is not to disturb me tonight.”

She curtsied, but hesitated. “Milady, you must eat.”

Corrin pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms about her legs as if she could hold herself together through sheer force of will alone. “Please, Felicia.”

At length, she curtsied again. “Yes, Lady Corrin.”

In the silence, Corrin sat still, shut her eyes as Flora’s cool, slender fingers threaded through her hair and pressed firm strokes against her neck and scalp.

“My lady, do not punish yourself for the sorrow that others might inflict,” she advised quietly. “They are not deserving of your suffering.”

Corrin sighed. “Thank you, Flora.”

“If I can aid you in any way, milady, you have but to ask.”

For a long moment, Corrin considered being benevolent, gentle and forgiving, but she had not the strength, and it was too easy to speak the words without conscience, draw a line in the air across her throat and call for blood.

“The maid, Clara. Do you know her?”

“Yes, she works in the kitchen.”

“Her efforts are to be commended. I wish to recommend her for promotion.”

There was silence as Flora ceased her ministrations and reached for a pitcher. “An excellent suggestion, Lady Corrin. I shall put a good word through to Gunter.”

---

The motion was a small one, almost casual. Camilla laughed softly as the young Duke spoke of studding horses, her long fingers neatly grasping the edge of Corrin's glass and whisking it away from the server before he could attempt to pour more wine.

“Wait, sister –“

There was not a single word spoken in direct response, but Camilla smiled brightly, her eyes narrowing as she laid a hand firmly on the satin of Corrin’s skirts.

“I think I’ve heard quite enough about the size of a stallion’s member, don’t you?”

Corrin stared vacantly at the man beside her, almost surrendering to the urge to frown. “Yes. One might presume to expect too much.”

Laughter cut through the low chatter and Duke coloured indignantly.

He asked her afterward, his voice low as he bent to speak softly, unpleasantly close to her ear, if she would be so kind as to honour him with her company as he had never been to Castle Krakenburg before, and would very much like a tour of the grounds.

Corrin would have been more interested had she been shown the underside of a slug.

But she could hardly say as much, and simply gave him another empty smile, evading a touch to her shoulder like she would the glance of a blade and excusing herself to retire with the other ladies from the dining hall.

With absolutely no intention to stay, she bid Camilla and Elise a good night and left without a word to anyone else, not caring that they would whisper of her cold and graceless behaviour, unbefitting of a princess of Nohr.

Her fingers closed upon the neck of a tall, unattended pitcher of mulled wine, and with the same motion she had just learnt from her sister, took it gently away, her only companion as she thought miserably of Jakob and how he was probably somewhere else, seeking comfort in the arms of a friend he had made years ago at the Northern Fortress.

---

The first sign that something had gone awry was the sound of shattering glass.

Jakob jerked in shock in his seat, the needle slipping between his fingers and he quickly dropped the hem of the cotton blouse, mere moments before a bead of crimson formed and began to run.

He released his breath in a long, hissing exhale, pulled the thread taut with his teeth and slowly, silently, counted to ten. He got as far as six before the clomp of heeled shoes reached earshot.

She was getting better at anticipating disaster, even if she hadn’t a clue on how to avert it.

It was certainly dire, he realised, as the door swung open without so much as an attempt to knock, and she stumbled into his temporary quarters with the momentum of the movement.

“Where’s the fire, Felicia?” He asked dryly.

She shook her head. “No, Jakob – it’s Corrin – Lady Corrin. She’s had far too much to drink.”

He stood at once, sewing forgotten. “Where is she?”

Felicia was nothing if at the very least, quick when it came to requesting aid. She hurried back out the door with Jakob on her heels, passing through a short corridor that connected their much smaller rooms to the solar of the guest suite.

The princess was found standing in the centre of the darkened room, still and staring as though lost. In one hand she held a metal pitcher, which she mindlessly released, letting it clatter hollowly and roll over the remains of what appeared to be a broken crystal statue of a swan at her feet. There had been a function at the palace that evening and she was laced up in a gown of pale blue satin with a neckline that dipped in such a way that made Jakob forget for a moment how to breathe.

“I dropped it,” she explained, smiling, and Jakob barely managed to completely close the distance to catch her by the shoulders before she could reach down to pick up the shards with her bare hands.

He gestured to Felicia. “Take her to her room and put her to bed,” he instructed, already planning how he would clean the jagged glass they trod upon.

Felicia nodded and tried to reach for Corrin, but with a sharp, petulant whine of irritation, the princess swatted her away.

“Horrible! Unhand me. I won’t allow it.”

Felicia turned to look at Jakob, shaking her head helplessly. “I’ve tried already. She won’t listen to me.”

Honestly, if you wanted something done right…

“Come now, Lady Corrin,” he soothed, pressing a hand between the blades of her shoulders to gently propel her towards her room. Suddenly obedient, she took to his encouragement without any resistance and Jakob flicked a hand at the mess they left behind so that Felicia might take the cue to clean it before he returned.

However, Corrin had other ideas.

No sooner had Jakob eased the door shut, he felt her hand upon his back and alarmed, spun immediately to face her, stepping away.

“Ah,” she frowned, reaching for him again, and he barely managed to catch her by the wrists, forcing her back, trying to get her to stand straight, to not… tempt him with her bare shoulders and neck exposed by her dress. By the moonlight, he could see that her cheeks were flushed red, and there was the scent of fruit and spice on her lips as she spoke.

“You weren’t so shy before. Let me hold you.”

It was a cruel joke, he realised, much too late, standing alone with his mistress in her bedchamber as she swayed, intoxicated on her feet and mistook him for someone else.

“Lady Corrin, stop. It’s me. Jakob.”

“Good,” she giggled softly, and the sound wove like a net over his heart. “Come here, Jakob.”

“No,” he replied firmly. It was a reminder to them both that she was senselessly drunk and knew not what she spoke; an order to maintain his distance. He gripped her wrists tightly and tried to ignore the writhing anxiety that came with the guilt of knowing. Of wanting.

Gently, he attempted to guide her towards the bed, to have her seated in a bid to escape from this nightmarish trap of his own devising so that Felicia (the gods themselves never could have imagined the day he required her help!) might rescue him.

With a motion trained and too swift, Corrin turned and threw her arms about his shoulders, throwing her entire weight upon him. Unprepared, he stumbled and could only reach for her out of reflex as they both toppled upon the bed.

“Lady Corrin -!”

There was a flurry of motion, a delectable confusion of bare skin and satin as she giggled again, pressing herself close to him and in that moment, Jakob was powerless to fight, because being touched by Corrin felt like being burned by a fire he couldn’t contain, like being drawn by the weight of the moon and drowning, euphoric in the tides.

“Just a taste,” she sang softly, so warm and pliant in his arms.

He couldn’t.

How many times had he fantasised of such a scene? Of having her witless and willing, because nothing else would ever allow the suggestion of impropriety. However, now confronted with it, the reality was horrifying, both in the possibility of having his wicked desires realised and in the fact that he found it utterly reprehensible. He could never forgive himself for such a dire lapse in judgement, for dragging the reputation of the one person he held dearest down into the filth of rumours whispered behind the flicker of a fan, about princesses with no honour who deemed to take their own servants to bed.

What would have been the point in resisting, in dressing his affection in decorum and drowning his desire in another girl?

What would be the point of his duty if he couldn’t even protect her from himself?

“My lady, you must stop.” He gently took her arms and pushed her back, rising from the bed and shaking his head when she tried to reach for him again.

“Why?” She asked, her voice plaintive, and her expression crumpled with dismay. She sat up, gathering her long skirts in both her fists and folding her knees to her chest. “What did I do wrong? You don’t mind kissing other girls, but you… You don’t want me.”

Jakob felt his heart wrench as she pressed her hands to her face and started to weep.

Who had done this to her? What deplorable scum had abused her kindness and corrupted her joy?

Slowly, he knelt before her, waiting until she lowered her hands and looked at him, her breath ragged with sorrow, her face wet with tears.

“You are mistaken,” he told her.

Do I dare?

“You cannot possibly know -”

How much of this will she remember?

“- how much I want you -”

This… is a mistake.

“- to only be mine.”

Smile for me, Princess.

Her lips were soft, her face warm. He felt her hand grip the fabric of his waistcoat and she leaned against him, a small, sweet whimpering note hummed in her throat, pushed onto his tongue. He tasted wine in the heat between her parted lips, and it was enough to intoxicate him too.

He parted the kiss with a sigh, stood and stepped back, his heart a storm of fear and elation, pierced deep with guilt.

Jakob couldn’t explain why he had decided to do this, only moments after convincing himself that it was a doomed choice, treacherous and lonely. He didn’t know why he felt the compulsion to flee, as though the longer he stood there, the greater the risk of being caught out, called traitor, exposed as a fraud.

“Felicia!” He growled as he strode out of the room, hiding behind a veil of irritation. “Lady Corrin is now calm. Kindly assist her.”

The maid scampered past him, barely acknowledging his words.

All he knew was that he was miserably weak, and for all the pain and suffering he had ever seen in his life, he couldn’t stand for a second to watch his princess cry.

[latinasmoak]

the sweetest life (and the loving is easy when you’re with me)

tumblr version:

rating: mature

tags: no warnings, mutual pining, idiots in love, jealousy, colin my dramatic king, penelope is confused

Chapter Two: Strawberry Crème Brûlée p. 1

For the first time in his life, Colin Bridgerton wasn’t hungry.

Nevermind that he had invited himself over to Eloise’s and Penelope’s flat with the singular intent of sneaking in some sweets made by his favorite homebaker. All of that was swept aside, his gigantic appetite becoming non-existent at the sight displayed in front of him.

The easy upturn of his lips, a smile famous for charming all the women in his life, quickly vanished. The glimmer of mischievousness in his eyes dimmed, the words he had prepared to announce his arrival got caught in his throat; because who the hell was that man towering over Penelope in the kitchen? Why was this stranger whispering so close to her? And why was she giggling? At the sweet sound of her laughter Colin inexplicably felt a mad rush of... frustration. The urge to go and physically separate the two was overwhelming and he almost took another step inside the tiny kitchen when what happened next made his stomach drop.

The prat, after taking a spoonful of whatever it was in front of them, moaned and smiled brightly at Penelope before leaning down for a hug. Worse still, Penelope with her eyes alight with joy, happily reciprocated the embrace and wrapped her arms around him.

Colin couldn’t even begin to understand all the tumultuous feelings inside him at the sight. All he had were questions upon questions running through his mind. Who was he? How long has this been going on? Since when did she bake for someone else?  Colin shook his head as if the simple act would brush away all the unanswered questions cluttering his mind.

When he had decided on his last minute trip to Greece over two months ago, he never imagined he’d be coming home to this. Since his friendship with Penelope deepened, he found that his attention to his phone increased dramatically. What simply started off as links for recipes, became chats where they talked about anything and everything. That's when he knew that Penelope Featherington wasn’t just his family friend. She was his best friend. So why, during all the countless chats they shared while he was away, did she never mention the fact that she was dating?  

As much as he wanted to get to the bottom of all his queries, the thought of walking in and having to witness the apparently happy couple up close, made him physically ill. He just knew he couldn’t act as if all was well. Colin was struggling to come up with reasons as to why this new information didn’t bring him happiness for his friend. If anyone deserved to be in a loving relationship it was Penelope. He knew that. So why did the mere thought of her being in one make his jaw clench?

It was a small comfort that his arrival wasn’t expected. To the entirety of his family he was still in Iceland, he had made the last minute decision to cut his trip two weeks short, and instead of alerting them, Colin had been giddy at the thought of surprising them all. It had been a spur of the moment decision to drop by Eloise and Penelope’s first, before settling in the room set up for him at his mum’s place. Next time however, he’d be sure to give a heads up. He couldn’t bear to go through this again. To come unannounced and heaven forbid, see them in a more compromising position. Just the thought of it felt like someone suckerpunched him in the gut. Colin simply and quietly turned around and walked away.

“Penelope you are a genius!”  

Phillip Crane moaned as the blackberry cream melted on his tongue. He finished his spoonful of the delicious filling the lovely redhead was making before continuing his praise.

“Eloise is going to love this. I can’t even begin to thank you enough for helping me out.”

Though he was never one to initiate grand displays of physical affection, Phillip couldn’t help but reach out and hug Penelope with the utmost gratitude. Her help in his grand plan to convince Eloise that it was time to declare their relationship to their respective families was invaluable. He wanted her to meet his older brother and he wanted to finally get to know the alphabet personally. He knew that without Penelope’s support, his ideas would have never manifested as grandly as they did. That, and she had already agreed to watch his twins overnight while he wooed Eloise on a weekend getaway. If anyone needed proof that Penelope was on her way to sainthood, they only needed to learn that she volunteered to take care of his little hellions. Thank god for angels on earth.

“All you have to do is make sure my best friend is happy,”

Penelope disengages from the hug and takes a step back, making sure to look up into his eyes. The seriousness of her following words could not be ignored. She may be tiny, but the protective love she held for Eloise shrouded Penelope with unmistakable power. She could be a threat if the need arose.  

“Because if she’s miserable, or heaven forbid hurt, I will personally ensure that you will be too.”

Penelope’s voice maintained its sweet inflection, while her blue eyes turned into an icy glare. Phillip gulped before nodding solemnly.

“She’s the most magnificent woman I've ever met. If I'm the fool who makes her miserable, I deserve whatever torment you deem appropriate.”  

The ice in her demeanor melted as Penelope swooned on behalf of her friend. She patted Phillip on the chest in approval before focusing on the various ingredients before her. She had planned to make Eloise’s favorite fruit tarts but with a twist.

“I’m glad we are in agreement! Now back to the sweets. I can recreate this cream for the tarts, all I need is more berries and those edible flowers you were talking about earlier! You will have to be in charge of dinner, I can bake but cooking still eludes me.”

Penelope herself was more than happy to help Phillip in his quest of making his relationship with her best friend public knowledge. He had been smart enough to realize early on in his relationship with Eloise that Penelope’s opinion was of the utmost importance. So he tried to be friendly, even when his stoic demeanor could often be misconstrued as snobbish elitism. Penelope was keen enough to know there had to be something about him that held Eloise’s attention. In the end, they ended up bonding over literature, -though Eloise loved to tease that it was a miracle he read anything outside of his botanical interests- and gardening. Phillip soon began to gift Penelope with the excess fruit and herbs he grew in his own little greenhouse so she could turn them into magical bites of perfection.

Sworn to secrecy, Penelope never hinted or uttered a word of his existence to the other Bridgertons and in the end, the only beings who knew of this relationship were his twins and herself. Penelope was excited for the secret to be out! It was alarming how often she found herself wanting to share the news. She wanted to join in on the inevitable teasing, she was eager to brag about the fact that she knew this secret before any of Bridgertons, and she was ready for someone to complain alongside her about how sickenly sweet they were with one another. She often imagined Colin being quick to tease or annoy Eloise about it... and just like that, Penelope felt her heart ache. As thoughts of Colin were known to do.

She missed him. It was alarming how much she missed him. He's been gone before so she really had no excuse to act as if this were new, but then again, before the eclair incident she had never spent so much uninterrupted time with him. He had spoiled her with his singular attention. They still texted each other almost every day but it wasn’t the same. She had gotten used to his physical presence. The way he towered over her, often helping her get things off the top shelf. The way he would sing her a song as he cleaned the dirty dishes and she would try and harmonize with him as she dried them. She also missed his chaotic energy in her kitchen, even when it could annoy her at times. The way she would need to slap his hands away to prevent him from dipping his finger in the raw batter or when she would have to take away the bag of chocolate chips to ensure there were enough for the cookies she planned to bake. He could never stay still but it was always such fun and there was always a delicious snack at the end of the night as a reward for all their hard work. He might never love her the way she loves him, but she had gotten greedy, soaking up all the moments he freely gave her and now she was going through withdrawals. Oh Colin, how am I ever going to get over you? Do I even want to?  

After ensuring everything was going as planned, and shaking thoughts of Colin out of her mind, Penelope shooed Phillip out. Eloise was soon to return and she didn’t want the surprise to be spoiled. Penelope baking alone is no longer an odd sight, but if Eloise came home to her boyfriend being there unexpectedly, she would stop at nothing to get the whole truth.

A single beep from her phone alerted Penelope to an incoming message. Her heart picked up in pace as her anticipation rose. It's been a few days since she’s heard from Colin. The longest bout of silence since he left two months ago. Penelope took a deep breath before swiping the lockscreen away. Immediately her shoulders drooped, and she tried to temper her disappointment when she noticed that the message was from her baby sister.

Felicity: hey pen, the love of your life came back early!

Felicity: it was a shock to the whole fam, hyacinth even canceled our movie night! something about blue gifts or whatever.

Felicity: anyways, just thought you should know 😇

The initial joy at the news of his early return was quickly marred with the confusion over the total silence on his end. Did she do something to upset him? Or maybe she was making a big deal out of nothing. She really needed to stop expecting him to update her on his personal matters as if she was his girlfriend. It wasn’t fair to put those expectations on him, and it wasn’t fair that she kept disappointing herself because of her daydreams.

Penelope ignored her phone, not giving Felicity the satisfaction of adamantly protesting her feelings when they both knew she was not off the mark. Instead she pulled out a recipe she had been eyeing for weeks now. She had been waiting for Colin to come back before attempting to make it. Only she would spice it up and make it with strawberries. She knew that he had a fondness for them and she wanted this treat to be special, to be more than the usual standard.

Strawberry Crème Brûléé

She was tempted to reach out to him and ask him if he wanted to join her while she baked it, but she thought better of it. Surely the trip back home must have been exhausting and whatever energy he did have, must have been depleted after a dinner with his family, a boisterous lot that they were.

Looking over the recipe, Penelope noticed that it called for the creme brulee to chill overnight. She smiled as this offered the perfect solution, tonight she would bake the night away and keep her mind busy, and tomorrow she would invite him over and hope that she was simply imagining any weirdness she felt over the sudden silence. Grinning to herself, Penelope nodded decisively and set out to make a delicious strawberry compote.

-

Colin woke up moody, frustrated and tired.

Sleep evaded him all night; he had been plagued with nightmarish situations, each one of him of losing his best friend, of losing Pen. The more he thought about it, the more it terrified him. Penelope having a boyfriend meant that those late night baking sessions would come to an end, the constant trips to other bakeries would not be as frequent, and while Colin was sure that Penelope wasn’t the type to shun her friends in favor of her relationship, Colin wasn’t sure he could stomach the thought of being around her while she was kissing someone else. When she should be kissing me.

Colin paled as the thought crossed his mind, a thought that should not exist when Penelope was only a friend. Just a friend, friends don’t think about kissing their beautiful friends.  

Although now he couldn’t stop thinking about how plump her lips were, especially after nervously biting them while she waited for his verdict on her sweets. He wondered if they were as soft as they looked? He would have to lean down to reach them but he could already imagine himself holding her closer, pressing himself against her soft plump curves and cupping her face. Lightly biting her bottom lip before using his own tongue to soothe the sting. He wondered if she would simply gasp and let him use that to his advantage, or if she would bite him back, Penelope was unpredictable afterall, he would never know what to expect from her...

Colin groaned as pure lust slammed into him the more he thought about Penelope. He laid back in shock over how quick his mind was, to turn against him like that, but it was like a pandora’s box. Now that it was open, things would never be the same. Colin couldn’t help but look back and notice all the little things about her that made her shine. The way her eyes crinkled when she smiled, and how when she blushed it was obvious for the world to see on her normally milky skin. The way she would be the first to share her food and would always offer encouraging words when needed. Colin thought of her laugh, and how loud and contagious it was, or how her bottom lip would tremble as she tried not to cry when she accidentally burnt or cut herself. All these moments rushed through his head and it killed him that someone else was learning these things about her right this very second.

Yes, her voluptuous figure, tiny stature and dark red curls were attractive on their own, but paired with her intelligent blue eyes, witty humor and overall sweetness, it was no wonder she was taken. It was a miracle it hadn’t happened sooner! How could he have been so blind? If he had never gone on his most recent trip, would he have been able to stop it from happening?

A subtle buzzing on the bedside table alerted him to his incoming messages. He blindly reached out, not even bothering to use any excess energy when all he wanted to do was waste away in bed. It’s what he was good at apparently, wasting time.

His heart began to accelerate when he noticed that it was Penelope.

Pen: a little birdy told me that you are back home.

Pen: welcome back 🥳

Pen: i was going to text you later in the day but I have something exciting to share with you!

Pen: knowing you, you’ve probably already had breakfast by now, or you're about to! come to my place right after! see you soon.

Colin could feel the cold brittle fingers of dread latch on to him. Weighing him down and chilling him to the bone. He had just come to the startling realization that he kind of, sort of liked his friend as more than just a friend and she was going to tell him all about her new relationship. Any fleeting hunger he might have felt was chased away by the churning in his stomach. And even though a large part of him wanted to make up an excuse, any excuse to get out of this sure to be painful encounter, avoiding Penelope Featherington after having spent so much time integrating his life with hers, would be like wishing it never rained in London, absolutely impossible. Taking a deep breath, Colin finally got up out of bed and went about preparing for what he was sure to be, the worst day of his life.

-

As soon as Penelope received a text from Colin, letting her know that he was on his way, Penelope pulled out two of the chilled ramekins from her fridge. She also pulled out the homemade whipped cream she had made last night, a couple of fresh strawberries and the turbinado sugar. She was quick with the knife and sliced up all the strawberries, ridding herself of the green tops and setting the rest aside once finished. She had gone all out and gotten herself a kitchen torch for the sole purpose of making that crunchy top layer that made creme brulees so fun to eat.

She was excited to have Colin try it. She had originally intended to call him over later in the day but then remembered she’d be taking care of the twins. Seeing as she didn’t want to have to explain that, Penelope figured it was best to call him now, she was just glad that he hadn’t made any morning plans already.

When Colin finally walked into her kitchen making use of the spare key, it only took a split-second to realize that something was off with him. Penelope used a kitchen towel to pat her hands dry before walking towards him. She tried to catch his gaze, but it seemed as if he was looking around for someone. Her head tilted slightly in confusion, Penelope wondered who he could possibly be looking for, surely he was aware that on Saturday mornings Eloise had brunch with his mum and sisters?

There was something downtrodden about him and the urge to comfort him came at her so fast, she was unable to resist. She didn’t really want to resist anyways. Opening her arms wide she pulled him into a hug, pleasantly surprised when he returned her embrace with gusto.

“It’s so good to see you! Am I being silly if I admit that I missed you?”

Penelope murmured into his chest. He was so damn tall, she wondered if he even caught what she was saying.

-

“Well I missed you too, so we can just be silly together.”

Colin had meant for that to come out in an upbeat, charming reply, but his body had a mind of its own, and instead he simply squeezed her tighter, he dipped his head close to hers and he softly admitted that she was no more silly than he. In fact he could have gone on to admit that he was more than silly, he was a damn fool for letting her get away, for not realizing that the feelings he had for her were more than just platonic. He wasn’t sure if it was love, but he knew that it could grow to be, it was all a moot point now, he wouldn’t even get the chance. So he held on, he breathed in her sugary sweet scent and wished that he could stay like this forever. Colin didn’t want to let go. How was he supposed to let go? In the end, he didn’t have to force himself to, she had pulled herself away.

-

As much as she would have loved to stay in his arms forever, the knowledge that something was wrong made her want to help him in whatever way she could. The way he clung to her let her know that whatever was ailing him was really serious. And she wanted to enjoy it, she wanted to close her eyes and melt in his embrace. But she felt guilty, deriving pleasure from his pain felt wrong. Knowing that food could at least partially help, Penelope withdrew from the hug and looked up at him, smiling at him softly as she tugged him closer to her counter.

“I made you something! When I found out you were back I just knew I needed to welcome you back home with style.”

“Pen, you didn’t have to do that.”

Colin rubbed the back of his neck, and Penelope wondered if the slight flush on his cheeks was him blushing or if she was just imagining things.

Penelope let go of Colin to make her way to her ramekins. She quickly and with minimal mess, poured two spoonfuls of the brown sugar on the top of the strawberry custard before spreading it around, covering the light pink creme from view.

“I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to,”

She grabbed the kitchen torch and turned it on, giggling at Colin’s alarmed reaction and wary eyes.

“Plus, I really really really  wanted to use this today.”

She directed the open flame on the sugar and giddily watched as the sugar melted and browned, turning itself into the perfect crust to crack. She felt the moment Colin stepped into her bubble, the way he was looking over her shoulder was a move he’d done in the past and she’s proud she no longer jumped or startled when he invaded her space. Her heart still races, but at least her body no longer expresses her shock at him being so close. In fact, Penelope was proud her hand was still steady. No accidental burnings yet. When the first creme brulee was finished she breathed a sigh of relief before swiftly moving to the second, finishing  that one too. Once both were done, she turned off the torch and grabbed the whipped cream, adding a generous spoonful on each, before finishing with the strawberries as a garnish.

“Ta da! A strawberry creme brulee. This is an experimental recipe so please be honest in your feedback. I think you’ll like it. I promise, no artificially flavored strawberries are found in this creme brulee!”

Penelope pushed his dessert closer to him as he had moved himself to the left of her during her explanation. She offered him a spoon and then grabbed hers. She wasn’t going to bite into it just yet, she was dying to see his reaction.

She watched as he cracked the top layer with his spoon, a satisfying snap resounding in the kitchen. He gave her a brief smile before dipping his spoon further in to capture some of the creme. Penelope flushed when she noticed his tongue lick around the spoon, not willing to miss a single bite. She just stood there, a little dazed as he dug in after that initial spoonful. She finally got ahold of herself and beamed at the way he devoured it. She managed to bite into her own and softly moaned when the velvety smooth creme melted on her tongue, the caramelized top adding the perfect crunchy texture to every bite. She had truly outdone herself.

So caught up in her own taste testing, Penelope never realized that Colin had turned stiff at the sound of her moans.  She couldn’t have known that such a little innocent sound had triggered a tsunami of misconceptions and angst. No, she didn’t know anything about the regrets swirling around Colin’s brain at the moment. She did, however, notice that he was leaning heavily on the counter, gripping the edges so tightly his knuckles appeared ghostly white.

“Colin what’s wrong? Are you feeling sick? You look a little pale…”

Penelope set her own dish down and quickly closed the small distance between them. She stood on her tiptoes so she could reach his forehead, he felt a little warm but nothing out of the ordinary. She cupped his face, wanting to get to the bottom of what was wrong.

“Colin look at me, please tell me. What happened? Did my food make you sick? Do you need to lie down?.”

Penelope lets go of his face to reach for his hands, she gently pulls his hands away from the counter, clasping them with her own. She holds them and squeezes softly, quietly letting him know that he can depend on her. She looks up at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something, anything.

-

How could he begin to explain everything that was wrong?

It was a small comfort that he didn’t have to meet her significant other, but just knowing that moments like these, where he can stand over her shoulder and just see her doing something she loves would be an activity she would share with someone else. Someone else would get to hear her make those little moans, someone else would get to make them happen in a different setting. How does he tell her that it's killing something inside him to know that it won’t be him?  How does he begin to explain that he feels this possessive urge to steal her away and never let her out of his sight? He doesn’t even know where to start. He’s not even really sure that he should.

Before he can wave her worries away, before he can reassure her that her food would never make him sick, before he could pretend like he was just feeling off. Something in him takes over and all that comes out is the most important question that will guide him in regards to how he should treat Penelope Featherington.

“Are you happy?” is all that comes out, ragged in its intensity. Colin’s eyes burning with the need to know exactly how she felt.

Whatever Penelope was expecting, it was obvious from her reaction that this was not it.

“What?!”

Colin closed his eyes briefly, gritting his teeth as he gathered the bravery necessary for this inquisition. He opened them and this time he used her grip on his hands to his advantage, bringing them up to rest against his chest. He wondered if she could feel how fast his heart was beating for her.

“Are you happy? With him?”

|| CHAPTER THREE  ||  || AO3 ||

[words-for-holland]

Happier (2) | T.H.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Kate and Harrison question Y/N on why she really left Tom. Natalie and Harrison become Tom’s shoulder to cry on. Another message?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

A/N: By popular demand, Ive decided to continue Happier! Thank you for the support !

Traumatic

The only word that can describe Y/N and Tom’s experience after being apart for a whole week. The feeling where you wake up from an awful nightmare praying to never experience it again. The only difference, this was no nightmare. It was very much real.

Happiness and love were now just meaningless words for them. Days and nights can pass, but the emptiness in their hearts stayed. While Y/N had her fair share of reasons for being apart, Tom still couldnt understand. She had to have known that no matter what, Tom would always pick her. With the slightest ounce of hope, he’d text Y/N at least once a day to make sure she was okay. But each unanswered text brought a wave of disappointment.

“Hey mate...Cmon I know you’re waiting for her, but now’s not the time.” Harrison explained, his heart breaking for his best friend. “You need to give her the space she needs.”

“I just cant believe she really left me.” Tom muttered. His head hung low, hair an unruly mess, and his facial hair sprouting, but his eyes remained the same. Brown, puffy and welled up with tears. “All because of these stupid fucking rumors!” He yelled out in frustration throwing his phone at the closet. Tom sulked into the closet to grab his phone, right next to it was a small box that contained a promise he was going to make to her, had everything not gone all to shit.

“Shit...” Harrison muttered. “You were going to propose to her.” He knew Tom was bound to pop the question to Y/N, but he never thought he’d see the day that she would fall out and leave his best friend. Yet, it all seemed off. In the time he knew Y/N, she was never the one to give up, especially when it came to Tom.

“Yeah...I was going to ask on our anniversary next month. I love her...more than anything.” Tom confessed, staring at the diamond cut ring. “Before she left, she wished me happiness. Saying I’d be happier with Natalie, but i just don’t believe that.”

Harrison was about to open his mouth, when Natalie popped in their doorway, giving a small sympathetic smile. “Hey...I heard you two in the hallway. Is everything alright?” She asked.

“Mmm..Nat. I don’t think now’s the —”

“No it’s okay. She can come in.” Tom interrupted Harrison as he gestured Natalie to sit with them.

“Look. I know you’re upset by the whole thing, but you shouldn’t have to be.” She explained, her hand rubbing Tom’s for comfort. “She left you. For what? Because she couldn’t ignore a few comments about us...When there wasnt an us to begin with? She just didn’t care about you as much as you thought she did.”

“Yeah, but Natalie this is Y/N and Tom. The bond between them was supposed to be unbreakable. They’re practically soulmates.” Harrison argued. “It doesn’t mean that Y/N didnt care for him.”

“Look Im just saying if she really loved Tom with all her heart she wouldnt have left him because of me.” Natalie spoke out, flipping her dirty blonde hair to the side. She grabbed Tom’s hand again, and gently stroked soft circles. For Tom it felt good, but it wasn’t Y/N’s touch. Y/N would have traced squiggly lines on the top of his hand because it was less boring.

Harrison scoffed at her gesture. Sure he had known Natalie to be a flirt at times but never picked her to be the friend that got too friendly with another after a messy breakup. “I’ll be back. Have to make a call.” He muttered as he walked away from the most cringey and awkward situation a person has ever been in.

As Harrison made his call, Natalie scooted closer to Tom, leaning on his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him. “Tom...I know it hurts, but you have to believe she wasn’t right for you. There are so many girls out there that could treat you better.”

“What like you?” Tom rolled his eyes as he put the ring away.

“If you wanted me, yes I could. I’d handle your career and your personality better than anyone else. I dont want to seem forward but I always imagined you’d end up with me. Its silly but I wanted that with you, the whole romantic movie experience.” She explained, endlessy spilling out her idealistic fantasy with him.

Tom was shocked by what he heard. To him Natalie was just a friend he had known most of his life. Maybe there was one time he did have a slight crush on her but that was just it. It was an attraction and nothing more. He thought for a great deal, wondering if this was where it all went wrong. Maybe he should have listened to Y/N more. “Tom did you hear what I said?” Natalie spoke up again, this time threading her fingers on the nape of his neck.

Tom shrugged her off, as he shook his head. He couldnt do this right now, he needed to be alone. “Look lets deal with this another time. I just...I really need to run right now...alone.” Tom excused himself as he grabbed his airpods and quickly left the room. Truthfully he always hated running, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Meanwhile back in the States, Y/N still felt the affects of her heartbreak. She trudged through the New York apartment like a zombie with no purpose, waiting for someone to finish her off already. It wasn’t like she wanted to break it off, but it was the only logical solution at the time. The only problem, it built off a lifetime of regrets.

Kate watched Y/N from afar, the message she read still clouding her mind. Her best friend was terrible at keeping secrets, let alone she was always the first person Y/N would go to if she ever had one. She observed her very closely, waiting for Y/N to come to her.

Kate felt the usual vibrations of someone calling her phone. Again another unknown number? It was almost similar to the one Y/N had recieved. Maybe it was a robo-call or a psychotic fan, which if it was she’d have to talk with Tom about. A mental note she promised she would get too.

“Listen I dont know who you are, but if its the same person that sent my best friend a threatening message that she’s better off breaking up with her boyfriend...I swear to God I’ll fucking punch you in the face.” Kate threatened, her eyes glaring and fist balling up on the counter.

“Whoa...chill out. It’s me, Harrison. Im a friend of Tom’s.”

Kate looked up with surprise with a helpful pinch of embarassment and relief. “Oh. Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to know how Y/N’s holding up. I know she broke up with Tom, but something’s just not right about this. Has she told you anything?” Harrison confessed.

Kate shook her head as she continued to watch Y/N lie on the couch mindlessy scrolling through an already watched list on Netflix. “No. It’s like her soul left her body. I can barely get through to her.”

“Blimey, it’s the same with Tom. This is ridiculous, we should just get them together so they can talk about it.” Harrison groaned, thinking how stupid this all was. They could have saved each from the heartbreak and depression. “Are you sure there’s nothing she told you?”

Kate hesitated for a moment on whether she should answer. “Well... there may be one thing, but she didnt talk per say. It’s more of what I found.”

Harrison stood up, intrigued by her response. “Oh really what did you find?”.

Kate was about to answer until she hear a text go off on her phone.

Unknown:

I wouldnt say anything if I were you 😚

She squinted at the text when another popped up.

Unknown:

That is...if you want to keep your friendship with Y/N 🤫

“Uhh..it was nothing actually. Just found a wallpaper of her and Tom. She hasnt changed it since they broke up and she got a couple of messages......from Tom.” She lied haphazardly.

Harrison was confused and disappointed by her answers, knowing it led to nothing. While Kate was a great liar among all things, this wasn’t her best work. Of course it was all planned in hopes that Harrison, if he was really smart enough, could figure it out.

Harrison was not that smart, but he was a good lie detector, and that was all he needed to know something was definitely up and Natalie, although may be a good friend of his, became a prime suspect.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams

[bluevlvts]

“this is unbelievable. this is just unbelievable. it’s just completely and one hundred percent…”

“unbelievable,” a soft voice supplied for him.

“i’m being a little bitch, aren’t I?” he asked not really expecting an answer, fully knowing he was in fact being a little bitch.

sabrina didn’t answer. she didn’t need to answer. instead, she kicked out the chair that sat next to her. ollie immediately stopped his pacing and huffing around the sunny and warm kitchen, pausing just a moment to gather himself before he turned fully to face the tiny redhead that sat perched on the worn wooden chair. he dragged a hand down his face before letting out a rough laugh. ollie knew better than to fight her, plopping down in the seat and letting his head crash down to the table, using his arms as a pillow. he didn’t flinch when he felt a warm hand gently rub his back until he moved to his head.

he finally released the tension from his shoulders and letting his body relax. he knew he wasn’t free from the lingering pain and anger that was brewing inside of him, but it was hard to stay worked up when in the presence of sabrina. he wasn’t sure if it the maturity that came with getting older or just being a mom that had created this wise creature that sat before him. not to say she wasn’t smart or kind when she was younger. she had been those things and more, but it seemed more pronounced now in a way that only a lifetime of living could give you. when ollie looks at her, he’s only ever seen yellow. warm, comforting, sunshine in a tiny bottle.

it wasn’t just sabrina that offered him comfort during the worst moments of his life, but this house was so wrapped up in love and good memories that just stepping through the door made him feel like he would be okay. there was magic in every corner of the crawford house.

from evan’s guitar that sat in the corner to the colorful array of artwork that hung against the fridge and even the walls. to the worn-down appliances from daily usage. this house, especially this kitchen, was well used, well loved, and housing a myriad of stories. ollie lost count of how many times he spent saturday mornings having breakfast or their ritual sunday dinners. this was the only place that truly felt like home to ollie.

his own place was superficial and empty. only a place that he could rest his head when he had any bit of off time. he would be lying if didn’t feel bitter and jealous every now and then when he came home and the quiet settling around him. there was no joyous laughter filling the hallways. there was no pitter patter of tiny feet, begging to stay up an extra an hour or so. watching it all unfold for the two people he loved most in this world made him beyond happy, but the pain always settled back in once he was alone with his thoughts.

it was the future he had wanted so badly when he was younger. the future that he thought he was so close to having until suddenly he wasn’t. to get so lucky to find your soulmate so young…ollie felt almost invincible. that his future was set in stone. that they could have kept the darkness at bay and not let it touch whatever tiny golden paradise they had found within each other. he had been under the impression that it would be so easy. that the future they talked about in whispers late at night in the dark was within reach.

if ollie had known that the time they had together would be over before he could blink, he might had held on a little tighter. look at him more. touch him more. kiss him harder. maybe then he would be left satisfied. maybe it wouldn’t feel like a weight was dragging his heart down whenever he thought about brown curly hair and soft pale skin. of shy longing looks and stolen kisses.

“do you want a cup of tea? maybe some water? we even have apple juice, but I think evan has chugged most of it,” sabrina’s soft voice filtered through his thoughts, humor tracing her words as she continued to gently ease him like she would one of her kids. it made him miss being young and wrapped up in his mother’s arms. the last time was when…well…he tried not to think about it. the tiny crawford demons truly had no idea how lucky they were.

“have any whiskey? what about vodka?” his voice was muffled but clear. he laughed and muttered out an ow when he felt sabrina tug at his hair, finally lifting his head to stare at her.

she didn’t have to say it out loud. it was written on her face and in her eyes. you’ve been through worse.

“I don’t know how I fucked it up so badly. it’s honestly amazing how badly I fucked it up. do you think he hates me?”

“yes.” sabrina said bluntly.

ollie blew out a breath and shook his head, “you’re supposed to be making me feel better. you think I came here to get jam stuck on my good jeans? how the hell do the gremlins manage to get shit everywhere”

“you came here because you knew I would be honest and it would distract you from your thoughts,” she said before adding gently, “plus, you love me. and the gremlins.”

“I would die for you and the gremlins.”

sabrina quickly reached back out to grasp his hand, giving it a squeeze. ollie in turn twisted it around to hold her hand tightly. “I don’t know if it’s going to make you feel any better or worse, but it’s not the end of the world and cillian will be okay. he will. maybe not right now, maybe not next month. but eventually he will be okay.”

ollie sighed and straightened up in the chair, staring ahead at the fridge, mesmerized by the sea of colors that covered it. “I just wish we could have a conversation now. he won’t take my calls and I’m…I’m frustrated. i can’t let it end like this. doesn’t he want closure?”

“sweetie, he’ll come to you when he’s ready, and if that mean’s he never does then that’s it. I’m positive he’s got all the closure he needs, there’s no need to rub salt in an open wound for both of you. he won’t hate you forever; it’s too hard to hate you.”

ollie let out a ragged sigh and closed his eyes as a brief moment of anguish rolled over him. she was right. of course, she was right, but it was nagging on him that it had ended so badly. ollie was so desperate to explain that cillian was wrong. he wasn’t hanging on to old memories or letting him get in the way of this relationship. the he had moved on. he wasn’t entirely sure he even wanted to get married. but ollie knew he was only lying to himself. and lying even further to cillian would only make it worse. ollie couldn’t bear to hurt him even further. the man did make him happy, if only for a brief moment of time.

ollie knew he craved one final conversation because it’s what he never got. it’s hard to let go of your ghost when it left behind so many unanswered questions. not knowing if it had been him that drove him away. and if that wasn’t the case, then why hadn’t ollie been enough to make him stay.

“I miss him.”

the words were barely above a whisper, but they sound like a gunshot in the silence that rested over the kitchen. it felt like a hand was grasping his chest, making it hard to breathe. ollie was embarrassed to feel the burning sensation in his eyes, roughly clear his throat to drive away the tears that threatened to fall. when he looked back up at sabrina, the devastation on her face was crystal clear, but there was something else there he couldn’t place. it could have been guilt or maybe just sadness, but it was gone as quickly as it came. she linked her fingers through his, holding his hand even tighter. as if she could simply ease is pain by taking it on herself.

ollie wasn’t sure how much time had passed at the sat connected in companionable silence before the fog from his head. ”it’s quiet.”

sabrina hummed her response, still content in sitting there with her hand wrapped in his.

”no, it’s quiet. it’s too quiet.” ollie narrowed his eyes and glanced around the kitchen, as if evan was suddenly going to pop in and try to throw ollie over his shoulder. “where are the tiny gremlins and their ugly leader?”

sabrina let out a startled laugh, loosening her hold on ollie’s hands. ollie wouldn’t have thought twice, but there was a nervous energy that surrounded her now. a confused smile spread over his face, watching her flounder for a second. the only time he had seen her this flustered was whenever someone mentioned her super obvious crush on evan. she was hesitating, and ollie’s stomach suddenly dropped.

”is everything okay?”

her silence filled the void, leaving his question unanswered. It was his turn to grasp her hand tightly, holding onto her to offer her comfort, if it was even needed.

”you and evan? you guys okay?”

sabrina let out the breath she had been holding, practically sagging in her seat before she gently pulled her hand out from his to grasp his arm.

“Oh, my god! Of course! no, no, no. we’re completely fine. me and that idiot are for life. he just took the kids away for a week-end getaway.

it was ollie’s turn to sag with relief. it didn’t hit him until now just how devastating the thought of a world without sabrina and evan together would be. ollie laughed, the first true and light laugh he had all day, and sabrina laughed in return. her’s still slightly awkward and strained.

“what has you so worked up? i’m 50% positive evan can handle a weekend taking care of kids without maiming or seriously injuring himself. I hope.”

sabrina only looked down at the table, picking at a tiny splinter of wood that had peeled back. ”he took them to ians.”

her words were so soft that ollie was lucky to barely make it out. if he’s being honest, the only word he did hear was ian. the name rang through him like a shotgun blast. his smile frozen on his face,

”are you fucking with me?” the longer the silence between them spread, growing tighter and tighter and no longer full of comfort, the faster ollie’s heart started to race. his smile slowly dropping from his face, watching sabrina sit there and pick and pick and pick.

”sabrina, what’s going on?”

she still refused to even look at him. the only tell tale sign that she was even listening was the small tremor that went through her hand.

”sabrina.”

his voice growing rougher, trying his best to contain the growing storm that was brewing inside of him. the wild energy that now filled him couldn’t be ignored, slamming his hand down on the table hard and loud. watching sabrina jump and flinch made him recoil only a tiny bit, and he knew he would severely regret it later when he was left alone with his thoughts, but he couldn’t take another minute of unanswered questions. not when it came to this. not when it came to ian. she finally rested from picking at the table, growing courage to face him head-on.

”evan took the kids for the week-end to visit ian. at his cabin.”

ollie couldn’t only stare back at her. in confusion and disbelief. he shook his head once and then once more. he wasn’t sure if he was telling her ‘no, you’re lying to me’, in denial about what she was saying, or if he could shake his thoughts free…maybe it will clear enough for a levelheaded response.

”where?”

“ollie…”

”where”

ollie yelled loud and clear. there was no use in controlling himself because he was past the point of self-control. he could just add it to the list of moments he used to fill his self-loathing. ”how long have you know where he was?”

when she finally looked up at him, her eyes filled with stark devastation and her face pale. it felt like a punch to the gut. ”you knew. you knew the whole god damn time.”

it wasn’t a question at this point. he pushed himself out of the chair and away from here, letting the chair fall against the floor before he turned back to her.one minute he was standing the next he was crouching, doing his best to catch his breath as it raced in and out, tugging at his hair to bring him back to earth.

warm hands were pulling at his, trying to offer comfort and love. or maybe trying to ease her own guilt. ollie pushed her hands away, standing back up and putting his back to her. his ears filled with a roaring wave, broken please and sorry’ s carrying through the sound. the second her hand touched his back, he came back down and rushed away from her touch. ”I can’t do this right now.”

maybe it wouldn’t have hurt so much if it hadn’t been sabrina. honestly, when he was calmer about this, he would have to give evan props for keeping it a secret. willow he expected this. no matter how close the two of them became over the years after ian left, ian would always be her top priority when it came to his mental health and safety. but sabrina. he didn’t realize she was even capable of a betrayal this deep. and he knew, in the back of his head, that she was only protecting both of them, she loved them both. ollie couldn’t manage rational thought at the moment.

she was there to make sure he got out of bed, dragging him along to third wheel dates. taking him out to eat just the two of them, making sure he was actually eating. she had been there when he read that fucking letter, holding his hand until he cried himself to sleep. it hurt – deeply. he had meant to rush out the door, heading to the sanctuary of his car. this kitchen felt like the walls were caving in. the house felt cold instead of the warmth it usually offered. yet he couldn’t get his feet to move. all he could manage was a soft please. it took him a minute to turn around, looking her dead in the eye.

”please. I need to know.”

she stared at him; face covered in tears. even through his haze of anger, he felt a pinch of regret. if or when evan came to kick his ass, he would allow it. no matter how angry he was with her, and evan, he hated seeing her in despair. she only hesitated for a moment before she was moving, grabbing a piece of old artwork one of the kids drew and the closets pen. her hands moved lightening fast against the paper before she folded it, grabbing his hand to place it in his.

”I’m sorry. I love you.”

ollie took in a deep breath, feeling too many emotions at once. honestly, he wasn’t entirely sure what he felt, but he knew he was going to crash the second he was home. his hands shook as he pulled his hands from hers. he quickly walked away from sabrina, his steps brisk and strong before he paused at the kitchen doorway. he couldn’t fully face her yet, still filled with too much anger and regret.

”I know. I love you, too.”

he didn’t waste another second, rushing towards the door and for the fresh air. the piece of paper gripped tightly in his hands in fear that he would lose it. his entire world was about to change. he wasn’t entirely sure yet if this was a good thing or bad. he would worry about that tomorrow

[aworldoffandoms]

49 for Ethan and F!MC please 🥺

Authors Note: This one is heavy on the angst! The prompt is in there...it’ll just be a while before you find it lol. Hope you like!

Thanks to @senseofduties for this prompt! I hope you enjoy it too! 💗

Prompt is: you have always been the one

Prompt is in bold.

***

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC [Nicolette Valentine]

Word Count: 1, 440 (this one ran away with me)

Rating: G

Warnings: Angst. All the angst. Oh, and maybe, like, one swear word.

Summary: Nicolette’s fed up with Ethan being so stupid that she gives him some parting final words. 

I’m tagging my OH tag list but please let me know if you’d like to stay on it or would like to be removed.

Open Heart Tag: @senseofduties @polishchoicesfan @princess-geek @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @binny1985 @fanficnewbie @x-kyne-x​ @thefluffyphotographer @lilyofchoices @thecordoniandiaries @rainbowsinthestorm @cxld-play @jens-diamondchoices @hopelessly-shipper @my-heart-beats-for-ya @landofenchantedwonder @sabrinahoffersonsworld @flyawayboo @stanathanxoox @oofchoices @thequeenofcronuts @heauxplesslydevoted @bi-cookie @kingliamsbish @trappedinfandoms @supercoolperson0808 @perriewinklenerdie @riverrune @caseyvalentineramsey

Disclaimer: All rights reserved to Pixelberry and all characters belong to them.

***

OBTUSE

The air around the two doctors is thick and full of unanswered questions...or maybe that was only visible to Nicolette. All she can do is try and hold herself together against the raw pinching pain that Ethan’s constant pulling away does to her. Sometimes she doesn’t know how to breathe. It steals her breath because she should be expecting it but each time he does it still surprises her and her breath escapes her.

It’s been like this for three months and she has no idea how she has coped this long. She yearns for him to an utmost unhealthy degree. She longs for his touch, his kiss, his gentle words, his resolute strength around her and yet, she has none of it. 

They’ve skirted around each other for so long that now Ethan seems like an enigma to her. She wonders how he can be so resolute in his view of the world, so black and white, so clinical and factual, no room for variations and it infuriates her. 

And yet… 

She won’t have him any other way. She almost wants to laugh because maybe that’s the way when you are deeply in love with someone. You see them for their flaws and everything good and bad in between.

If only a certain stubborn man can see what she felt for him.

“Nicolette?” 

Nicolette inclines her head to the side to indicate that she is listening but she doesn’t verbalise the acknowledgement. She can’t. Her throat is tight as if fingers have taken a vice grip around her neck. 

There is a sigh off to her left and a click of a button and the shades to the diagnostic’s office slide closed. Nicolette jolts and she tears her eyes away from the green fern plant beside the back wall next to Ethan’s enormous desk.  

Ethan gives her a concerned glance, his brow furrows in worry and he steps closer to her, the file resting in his hands limply. 

“Are you alright?” 

No, I’m not alright. I’m going crazy because you keep pushing me away... 

Nicolette doesn’t answer and she moves her eyes from his piercing blues eyes. Oh, those eyes that could see through her and make her shiver at the same time. 

Ethan’s heart beats a little faster at the apparent absence of mind his colleague was experiencing lately. The said colleague he can’t seem to stop thinking about. 

She’s there from sunrise to sunset. The green moss of her eyes is a current occurrence in his dreams and the phantom ghost of her lips haunt him every day. Why does he do this to himself? Why must he follow his rules that he has so painstakingly upheld for the past thirty-seven years?

Nicolette will certainly be the one to change them...if she has not already. 

He sets down the files and takes his place beside Nicolette, his eyes carefully regard her as if not to scare her. For some reason, she seems more fragile than normal. The light in her eyes is less bright, the ease in her steps before more robotic now and the happiness in her expression falters regularly. 

It’s his fault, he knows it and the thought slices through him again with staggering clarity of feeling.

His voice is gentle as he begins to speak. “I know for a fact that you aren’t okay, Nicolette. What is the matter? You aren’t yourself.” 

Nicolette replies then, however, it’s more a scoff than a decent reply. “Of course I’m not myself. I haven’t been for a while.”

Ethan sighs and sits back against the chair, his arms folding along his broad chest. He takes the plunge and says the answer that both of them were thinking. He might as well say it because Nicolette wasn’t going to. 

“And this is because of me, I presume?” 

Nicolette lets out a dry, humourless laugh. “You think? I’m surprised you are smart enough to realize that, Doctor Ramsey.” 

Ethan’s eyebrows raise at the insult but he decides to ignore it. There are things that are more important than his pride. 

“It’s been known to happen. Can I do anything to help?” 

Nicolette signs despondently, shaking her head. “No, there isn’t anything you can do. Not unless you finally decide to wake up to yourself and save both of us this constant back and forth and unnecessary pain.” 

The room is silent, Ethan processing her words before he says something. “I can’t possibly wake up to something when I don’t know what it is or at least don’t have clues to properly understand it.” 

Nicolette wills herself not to scream, or better yet, cry. She tenses her jaw against the burn in her eyes. She’s not going to break down in front of Ethan. She’ll wait until she gets home and collapses into the comfort of her own bed to do that. 

How can this man be so infuriatingly obtuse? 

Nicolette’s jaw unhinges as her teeth gnaw against each other in her frustration. She repeats her thoughts out loud because she has to. Are all men this stupid? 

“Okay, I don’t know if you are fucking with me or being deliberately obtuse.” 

Ethan frowns at her sharp words, his mouth turns down in displeasure at her choice of expletive but he replies to her cooly. 

“I don’t think I’m being obtuse...I mean, I just want to understand what has got you all…” 

He searches for the word but he finds none, his hands rest against the table, his fingers threading between his own.

Nicolette’s smile is small, wane and empty. “You want to know why I’m all…” she waves her arms around her head in emphasis. 

Ethan nods and Nicolette turns to him, her green gaze pins him to the spot and Ethan has to suck in a breath to make sure his lungs don’t give out at the intensity of her gaze. 

“You. You have happened. And you will continue to be.” 

Ethan’s sharp intake of breath is all the sound that can be heard in the room and not even the beeping of his pager can distract him from her face or the frankness of Nicolette’s words. 

He finally finds words but they aren’t what he’s looking for. “Me?” 

Nicolette gets up and puts her hands in her white coat, hiding the fact that her hands are trembling, away from Ethan’s searching eyes. “Yes...you. I can’t eat or sleep. You have invaded every part of me. Body and soul. You are the only one for me.” 

Ethan doesn’t know what to say so he keeps quiet as she continues, silencing his pager. It doesn’t escape him that the words out of her mouth were true. The inherent finality and earnestly dripping off them shake him to his core. 

“I… I don’t know what—” 

Nicolette holds up a hand, her face moulding into the professional mask that both of them wear and seeing that makes Ethan's heart squeeze painfully in his chest. 

“Don’t say anything more, Ethan. I’m telling you the truth now because I don’t have the emotional strength or mental stability, even, to deal with your emotional whiplash. I’ve had enough. Either you finally understand what’s happening in there,” she points to his heart and his head, “...or we are done for good because I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep being in love with someone who’ll probably never reciprocate. What an idiot I am, right?” 

She shakes her head self-deprecatingly and heads for the office door. She needs to leave. She needs to go before she crumbles underneath his gaze. God, those eyes are going to destroy her. 

Ethan stares at her as she retreats from his side and the words fall out before he has a proper way to think them through. 

“You love me?” 

Nicolette stops but doesn’t turn around, however, he does see her nod. 

“Don’t go, Nicolette. We can talk about this.” 

His words plead with her, desperate to get her to stay, to talk, anything to make her stay and not have her walk away from him.

Nicolette’s auburn hair moves with her as she shakes her head vehemently. “No, we’ve talked enough...or lack thereof. I can’t keep torturing myself. Not when I know that you are the only one I want and I can’t have you. You have always been the one, Ethan. Why don’t you see it?”

She retreats from the room then, her back straight, her feet carrying her away from him and he has a terrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that he’s lost her for good and that terrifies him. 

[westheirlands]

                elyas lefford , thirty - one . the heir . 

candlelight  casting  shadows  larger  than  life  ,  the  crash  of  waves  upon rocks  , the  clang  of  a  blacksmith’s  iron  , a  rage  that  threatens  a  legacy  .

potential triggers : mentions of ‘madness’ (westeros really hates mental health) , violence & infidelity , & death . 

elyas lefford was born the heir to a man, he knew from a young age , had expectations that his son would never be able to live up to. the threat of the shadow that brannon lefford created forever altered him. he knew that his father expected greatness of him , but greatness felt an elusive concept - something so difficult to attain , he did not even bother to try . 

without the guidance of a support system beyond what tutors and septons could offer him , elyas became a very quiet child . his every emotion he internalized , and as he grew , quietness became replaced with bitterness & sarcasm that he played off as wit - -  a trait in an unusual personality rather than a means of coping with a life of unanswered questions, frustration.  he pursued his ‘lordly’ studies for the sake of propriety alone , finding true solace & pleasure in the outdoors , and in the pursuit of knowledge.

much to his father’s chagrin, as elyas found opportunity to escape the confines of the westerlands, citing ‘bettering himself as a lord’ as a reason for travel.  t was through these ventures across the narrow sea that he became a man -- where he truly learned of what life could be. he fell in ‘love’ one too many times , made friends & enemies , but for the first time he truly had the opportunity to LIVE .

this respite from a bleak existence was all too brief , as elyas was called back home . it was time for him to grow up. to be the lord that his duty & destiny called him to be. his father secured him a betrothal, and in quick succession he was to marry.  she was beautiful , he was told.  charming , even . the most important factor was that she held power in her name. 

the prospect of a companion excited elyas . perhaps he could right the wrongs of a difficult family by creating one of his own.  perhaps he could grow into the man he was meant to be. the pair had little contact before the wedding itself , and it was true , mariya was beautiful . she was alluring in ways elyas could have only dreamed of in a bride.

what ought to have been wedded bliss was quickly revealed to be the beginning of a time of toil . convention was thrown aside without any explanation to elyas.  the conditions of the arrangement that  had been made with the young bride’s father insisted that she remain within the confines of casterly rock until his death . these unusual circumstances were all part of a greater plan of which  neither elyas  nor his father  had been informed

the bride’s cloak was placed on her shoulders , and elyas noticed something in her eyes that frightened him . blissfully sweet in one moment , something vicious would overtake her visage in the next . when the time for the bedding came , all sweetness left her , and she lunged for him in a rage , clawing at him , screaming , until she was removed from the room .

the following morning , it was as if nothing had transpired between them . she pressed a kiss to his cheek and disappeared into the gardens or the remainder of the day. these fits became more and more frequent . despite what efforts he could make to soothe her , mariya seemed unreachable to him , appearing only in fleeting moments before violent tendencies returned . she was capable of moving about the keep unnoticed , once scaring elyas’ horse so severely that it threw him , leaving him with a longstanding injury.  after the event , she laughed & laughed , before sitting vigil at her husband’s side.

brannon lefford had not been informed of the  bride’s condition. it had all been carefully constructed subterfuge to create a ‘comfortable prison’ for a woman who had committed no crime.  the leffords had been used as a pawn to save a house from shame & rid another lord of his ‘mad’ daughter . 

elyas was ill-equipped to care for his wife, but he did his best , keeping a permanent septa at his home to assist mariya. he offered her what affection he could , knowing that whatever her affliction , she was not responsible for it . he loved her in the best ways that he could , protecting her as his wife .

bitter and angry at the way he had been used , elyas  spent more & more time away from casterly rock and the frustrations of his station , making friends in the reach & stormlands, and  spending extended time as house guests of other lords and ladies. he did not discuss his wife & when he was asked , he made apologies for her , excusing her for a vaguely defined illness that often left her at home .

it was during this time that  elyas’ entered into an affair with a noblewoman from the westerlands , desperately seeking seeking comfort in the arms of another -- searching for the compassion absent from the majority of his lifetime . he fell terribly in love with her . it seemed, that she fell for him too.  she became pregnant , and in his time away, was sent away to deliver a child. 

 while elyas tried to sift through the ramifications of the birth , the majority of the ‘fixing’ fell to the burden of brannon. the lady was settled comfortably in lannisport, with express instructions not to contact elyas. elyas swiftly ignored this order, making frequent visits to see his child. 

he began split his time between caring for both his  ‘daughter’ & her mother, and his wife , giving little regard for the ways in which it was unraveling him.

a fever coursed powerfully through casterly rock, taking his wife after a great period of illness. 

elyas grieved mariya far more than he imagined . perhaps , more honestly , he grieved the loss of his life - a life he never had , and never would have . he became reclusive , maintaining the duties of heir for the sake of appearances , and the memory of his wife. any quiet anger in elyas was now transformed into an outspoken rage, a defiance towards the forces that sought to control him.

with his child now in lannisport and no marital ties to bind him, elyas thought it was the opportunity he was looking for to marry & build the life he had dreamt of. brannon had other ideas, thinking about the state of the house rather than the state of his son. plans for a new betrothal were carefully formed, and clear expectations were set for the man elyas was expected to be. 

TIDBITS

elyas is capable of such intense emotions. he does not necessarily know how to properly channel them. in his youth, it was repression of them. as he has grown, he has began to be more vocal about his feelings, even bordering on outward defiance. 

despite what he pretends, he cares very much about the state of his people, he just doesn’t care for the posturing & games that comes with being a lord. he’s kind, but he doesn’t know how to express anything. 

gifted swordsman !! he keeps threatening to join the night’s watch but never does. 

he’s so smart , and so capable , but he literally does not know how to apply himself.

he intends to legitimize his child no matter what his father says, and cares so much for the mother of his child. 

to those he loves ( and those who show love in return ) he loves fiercely and with extreme loyalty.

despite everything he says, he wants his father’s approval, but knowing that he will likely never receive it complicates the relationship significantly. 

he’s a social chameleon as a means of coping with everything . he pretends that everything is fine and is exceedingly charming in social situations . he plays a good lord , even if he does not think himself one.  

broody boi

[starlightsearches]

Office Romance: Ch. 11 Teacher

General Hux and Kylo Ren have found themselves competing for the affection of a lieutenant aboard the Finalizer.

Series Warnings: Language, some violence, near-death experiences.

Masterlist

AN: This is a veeeeerrrryyy long chapter. Also, thank you so much for your support, I’m so grateful that so many of you are enjoying this!

All the air rushed out of Hux’s lungs. Force-sensitive. How had he not known? You seemed frozen, terrified, but not entirely surprised. Why hadn’t you said something to him? Hux looked to Ren. If he was surprised it was well hidden, but something about his reaction, or lack thereof, made Hux think that Ren had already known. Had you told him? Had he told Snoke?

Would they take you away from him?

“I didn’t know, sir,” you spoke so quietly that Hux had to strain to hear you, “It was only a suspicion, really . . . my mother told me when I was very young, but I never believed her.”

“The Allegiant General’s wife?” Snoke asked, and you flinched, never having experienced Snoke’s ability to pull delicate information from unguarded minds. Ren looked to you, face hidden behind the mask; apparently that was one secret he had not yet picked up on.

“No sir, not her. My birth mother was the one who told me.”

“And didn’t you believe her?” Snoke saw your discomfort but was toying with you anyways, plainly enjoying your fear.

“She told me many things just before she died, but she was very sick and . . .” You were trying not to cry, your face crumpled with grief, but no tears spilled from your eyes. Not for the first time, Hux wished he could rip the Supreme Leader’s body from his head, and his hand itched for his blaster.

“I see your thoughts, Lieutenant General, and you need not worry. I do not plan to remove you from your position here on the Finalizer, yet. It is obvious to me that you are of very middling talent when it comes to the ways of the force, certainly not worth my time. But even a dull blade can turn lethal if sharpened properly. Ren will train you.” Hux looked to Ren again, who was very obviously surprised by this decision. Had he thought that Snoke would take you too? A million questions traveled around in Hux's mind, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know any of the answers.

“You may leave now, Lieutenant,” Snoke dismissed you, and you bowed again, walking swiftly to the door which closed behind you. Hux felt he should be grateful; he had expected worse, but a nervous buzzing was alive in his stomach at Snoke’s apparent generosity, and Ren seemed equally uneasy, shifting his weight from side to side.

“Honestly, I’m disappointed in both you. You’ve allowed yourselves to be seduced by this insignificant girl. However, I do not believe that she will prove entirely worthless. Make no mistake, I have allowed her to stay in your possession only because I believe she could be of use to me in the future.”

He paused, leaning in and speaking slowly with unmitigated venom, “But I must warn you both. If either of you disappoint me, or if I believe even for a moment that her presence here has caused you to lose sight of our purpose, I will not hesitate to have her eliminated. Do I make myself clear?”

You flopped onto your new bed, trying to appreciate what felt like the first moment you had alone for the last few days. After the meeting with Snoke, there had been a flurry of tasks that had taken up all of your attention: debriefings, finding and training your replacement for Captain Phasma, fittings for your new uniform, and just barely, the process of moving into your new quarters, which were much larger, and to your surprise, featured a bathtub almost as big as the general’s, and your very own viewport. Next week, the First Order was throwing a party in your honor where you would officially accept your promotion in front of the Directorate and other First Order members. Unease filled your stomach every time you thought about it, and you tried to remind yourself that this is what you had always wanted. You believed that you might have been able to achieve it in five, maybe ten years, if you worked hard. Having it now was literally a dream come true. So why did you feel this empty?

Too many questions had been left unanswered, and try as you might, you had not been able to puzzle out the true reason for your promotion. Snoke may have rewarded you for your loyalty, but there was something suspicious about his benevolence. You couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed and underprepared, and while many of the other officers aboard the Finalizer had congratulated you, it was evident in their faces—when they thought that you weren’t looking, of course—that they did not believe it had been deserved.

And then there was the force. Even thinking about it made you a little sick, guilt and skepticism colliding in your stomach. How could it be possible that you had access to one of the greatest powers in the universe without knowing? But, at the same time, why would Snoke lie? There was something being kept from you, some information that was just outside of your reach that would help all of this make sense, but you didn’t even know where to look. Frustration took over, and you pressed the heels of your hands into your eyes, bright white spots forming in your vision from the pressure.

The door sensor beeped, alerting you to a guest, and you reached for your data pad to see who was there. The screen blinked to life, and you could see Ren standing outside of your quarters. Part of you wanted to send him away, tell him some lie or feign sleep, believing that it was possible you could figure out these problems on your own. Another part of you—a quieter, smarter voice—knew that if you were going to find any answers, you would need some help. You accepted the alert, and Ren stepped in through the doorway.

“Evening, Lieutenant General,” he said in greeting; the title still sounded strange in your ears, no matter how many times you had heard it.

“Evening, Commander,” you replied, sitting up on your bed and tucking one leg in, “or should I call you something else now . . . because of the training?”

“Commander is fine,” he removed his helmet and gloves, setting them down on a table by one of your new couches, running a nervous hand through his hair, “Or Ren, if that’s alright with you.”

“Come, sit,” you patted the space next to you on the edge of the bed, and he hesitated. You knew that it was inappropriate to be so uninhibited, so casual, especially with someone as powerful as Ren, but if you spent all your time being reticent around, him you wouldn’t get anything that you wanted. Ren came to sit by you on the bed, a little ways away, very proper. He wasn’t looking at you. You sat silently for a moment, watching him, unsure what to do next.

 “Do you like your new quarters?” he broke the silence first, looking up at you and then immediately changing his mind. He was so withdrawn, and you wished you could be back in the medbay, where everything had felt so easy. So safe. You wanted to be close to him again.

“They’re much nicer than I’m used to,” you responded, looking around the room.

“I thought you might be used to luxury,” he said, “being raised by the Allegiant General.” He gave you a sideways glance, hoping to gauge your reaction to his knowledge of your secret, but it didn’t bother you that he knew. If Snoke hadn’t revealed it, you probably would have told him yourself.

“I haven’t lived in the Pryde estate since I went to the Academy, and there was little luxury there,” you spoke with too much bitterness, flopping back on your bed with a little bounce.

He stiffened, the movement so small that it was almost imperceptible. Feelings of guilt swam through your mind, and you sat up, gently placing a hand over his, which was resting on his thigh. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He made no move to disconnect your hands, but looked up at the ceiling, perplexed.

“You’re not afraid of me anymore,” it was a statement, not a question, but you could still see a hint of curiosity in his face.

“You saved my life, Ren.” He didn’t respond, only stared down at your hand on his lap. Maybe you should be scared of him. The infamous Kylo Ren—The Jedi Killer—it would be smart to be afraid, like everyone else was. But being with him now, you didn’t see him that way anymore. All you could see was the man who had given you his helmet to save you from a fire, the man who held you in his arms when you were on a ledge, about to fall into something yawning and cavernous and too tragic to name. All you could see was the face of the man who had saved your life.

“Can I ask you something?” you said, and he nodded, “did you know . . . about me?”

“No,” his voice was hoarse when he spoke.

“How is that possible?”

“I’m-I’m not sure.”

“Are you telling me the truth?” You increased the pressure of your hand on his, not trying to hurt him, but hoping that he could feel the seriousness of your question.

“Of course,” he said, finally turning to face you, his face devoid of anger, but full of something else that you couldn’t understand.

“I’m not trying to accuse you of anything, but I feel like there’s so much that I don’t know, and I need someone I can trust.” It was your turn to look away now, biting your lip as you thought. “You can read my mind, my feelings. I can’t do any of that, or at least, I can’t do any of that, yet. I need you to promise that you won’t keep things from me. I need . . . a friend.” He didn’t speak for a moment, but reached for your face, turning your eyes back to his, gently, with the tips of his fingers. His hand only lingered for a moment, but the contact seared into you, the nerves under your skin alight from the touch.

“You can trust me.” You didn’t have to ask yourself if you believed him.

“Good, because I have a lot of questions.”

Ren was an interesting teacher. He paced as he talked, gesturing, eyes wandering around the room—unless he was making a point, and then he would look at you with such focus and intensity that it almost became hard to listen.

“How old were you,” you were asking questions rapid-fire, “when you first knew that you had it?” The question stopped him in his tracks. He moved to the edge of the room, looking thoughtful and a little sad as he stared out of the viewport.

“I was seven,” he spoke quietly, and you stood off the bed, moving closer to him so that you could hear, “my mother had it, and she knew what to look for; a few years later they sent me away so that someone could train me.” You didn’t question any further, seeing that he was troubled when talking about his family. That was something that you could understand.

“I was four when my mother died,” you responded in kind, staring into the massive whirl of stars outside your viewport, “and my father died when I was five. That’s when the Prydes took me in.” You looked over to him, and he met your gaze, “if they knew, they never told me.”

“If you’re not sure what to look for, it can be easy to excuse what you feel.” He spoke calmly, but you were gripped with annoyance, finally getting answers, but not quickly enough. You walked away from him, frustrated, pacing as he watched.

“How did Snoke find out about me?”

“He saw my thoughts, the ones from the crash, and then wanted to meet with you to make sure.”

“But what did he see? What did he see that would make him think that I was connected to the force?”

“He said,” Ren hesitated, but decided to continue, “he said that you probably found me using the force, and that you used it to wake me.”

“I punched you across the face, Ren.”

“Maybe that was how you channeled the power, but think about it,” he moved close to you, toe to toe. You were both wild, both united in your search for something real, “I was dead, or almost dead from blood loss alone. Do you think a slap across the face would really have been enough to revive me?” He gripped you hard by the shoulders, holding you steady.

“Think back,” he said, “what did you feel in that hallway?”

“I was terrified. But determined, too-” He cut you off with a little shake, the contact intense but not uncomfortable.

“You're blocking yourself from the pain of it. You won’t find what you’re looking for if you restrain the memory. You need to go back. Go back to the ship.”

Fear gripped you at the thought of being there again, but you closed your eyes anyways, trying to find the memory buried deep in the back of your mind. He was there with you in your head, his presence gentle but not invisible, grounding you to a safe place. You could feel it all, distant but real: the darkness of the hallway, the heat of the fire, the smell of the smoke . . . and something else.

“There,” he said it with reverence, and you began to feel it too, a well of power that had always sat on the periphery of your mind, nameless, unrecognizable before now.

“That’s the force?” you were breathless, awestruck. And now that you felt it, you could see it all over, small bursts of power that had aided you in so many ways: your sparring match with Hux, your training session with Ren, and aboard the crashed ship, fighting for your survival. It was better than any high you had ever experienced, the power you had searched for all your life, in all your training. You pulled him closer, forcing him to look you in the eyes again, filled with a yearning for more of it.

“I need you to teach me everything you know.”

General Hux walked down the hallway furtively, trying to keep his coat from meowing. He felt rather foolish, peeking around every corner, constantly checking behind his back, as he had yet to come up with an excuse for his behavior if he ran into anyone. These corridors were not well-traveled, but one could never be too careful.

Last night, he had tossed and turned after he had gone to bed. He had seen Ren leaving your room on the security footage (not spying of course, he often checked the cams before falling asleep) and it had left him feeling restless. Late into the night, he felt he had come up with the perfect plan to spend some time alone with you, but now, with Millie’s claws digging into his side, he was a little less sure of himself. It’s not too late to turn back, he thought, but his feet carried him forward anyways, and he stopped outside the door of your new quarters, waiting.

The door slid open, and Hux went inside, finding you on the couch. You were dressed in leisure wear, shorts and a tank top, curled up, watching some holo-show he had never seen before, which you paused.

“Evening, General,” you said, sitting up with your legs on the couch, your hands folded under your knees, holding yourself together. Your face was bare, your hair swept up on top of your head, and it made you seem younger, incredibly vulnerable. More like a girl and less like a soldier. Hux found it a little unnerving.

“Evening, Lieutenant, I brought you a little surprise,” Millie was struggling harder now, tired of being trapped in the darkness of his jacket. Hux let go, and she landed on the floor, examining her surroundings before trotting over to you and jumping on the couch. You smiled, picking her up gingerly and setting her on your lap.

“Baby,” you cooed at her, scratching her gently around the collar as she nudged her face into your neck. That damn cat. Hux moved closer to the couch, trying very hard to seem at ease. You gestured for him to take a seat, which he did, and you continued to shower Millie with kisses, murmuring unintelligibly in a high-pitched voice.

“She’s been inconsolable since you last came to visit,” Hux said, “terribly restless. This was a bit of a last resort.”

“Awww, did the little baby miss me,” you addressed Millie first, and then Hux, “Sounds like she’s my cat now, since she wanted to see me so badly,” you teased, shooting him a smile.

“Unacceptable, we’ll have to share her.”

“Joint custody, huh? I can live with that,” you turned Millie around to face him, holding her like a baby, “do you think we’d make good parents, Millicent?” Bloody hell. If you kept talking this way he was sure to do something he’d regret.

“No one saw you in the dining area today,” Hux said, changing the subject, “or for the last few days.”

You paused before responding, a delicate sorrow drifting over your face like a veil. “It’s a bit crowded in there.” You petted Millie absentmindedly, avoiding eye contact.

“Have you been eating?”

“Sometimes,” he could tell you were trying to hide your grief from him, but he saw it all, the force of it striking him in the chest.

“Come with me,” he stood, offering you his hand.

You carried Millie as the two of you walked, and Hux’s nerves increased ten-fold as he led you back to his quarters. You hadn’t changed, and he hadn’t suggested it, but he couldn’t help but wonder what someone might think if they saw you with him this late in the evening, headed to his quarters. In your pajamas. Carrying his cat.

Luckily, the time it took to get back to his rooms was much shorter now that you had moved, and the corridors were empty due to the late hour. The two of you entered his chambers, the smell of garlic and thyme and a few other spices greeting you.

“I didn’t know you could cook, General,” you said, setting Millicent on the ground and wandering over to the food prep area, looking at the different pots and pans simmering. Hux could feel a blush rise on his cheeks, and he hoped you wouldn’t notice.

“There are probably a lot of things that you don’t know about me, Lieutenant,” he responded, joking of course, removing his coat and walking to the stove, checking the food so that he wouldn’t have to see you looking at him.

“Alright then, tell me something I don’t know.” You hopped onto the counter beside him, your face level with his. I’d kiss you right now if I didn’t think it would ruin everything. Honestly, could he be more of a prick? You were obviously distraught and all he could think about was his own puerile wants. Hux bit the inside of his cheek to avoid speaking rashly.

“When I was first promoted,” he began, pretending he couldn’t feel your eyes on him, the power of your gaze setting him alight in the best kind of way, “most people did not believe that I deserved it. There were many who questioned my ability to lead.”

You scoffed skeptically. “Okay,” you said, laughing a little and he looked up at you. When you saw that he was serious, you stopped, confused. “You’re lying, General,” you continued, counting off on your fingers all the reasons you didn’t believe him. “Admiral Rae Sloane personally mentored you! You revolutionized the Storm Trooper program! Your father was one of the founding members of this organization, and I hear that you’re an excellent sniper, one of the best, inside or out of the Order.” You stopped then, covering your hand with your mouth like you just divulged a secret, a blush rising to your cheeks.

“Who told you that?” Hux’s heart was hammering, hearing you speak about him this way was making him a little dizzy, and it was getting harder to stop himself from saying something stupid. I think about you all the time, do you think of me?

“Phasma may have mentioned it,” you said casually, and he made a mental note to thank her later, “and the rest is common knowledge. I make it a point to stay informed.” You nudged his shoulder with yours, and then hopped off the counter, finding a seat at the dining table as he carried over a plate for you. He did not make a plate for himself, instead pouring two glasses of wine and giving you one.

“My father was the reason so many people doubted me,” Hux said, taking a seat across from you, “he didn’t think very much of me. Hated me, honestly. He was very influential, and others in the Order were inclined to agree with his assessment. If it weren’t for Sloane, I . . . I probably wouldn’t be here.” You nodded solemnly, pushing the food around on your plate before taking a bite. He watched for your reaction, and your head rolled back in delight.

"This is really good," you said, and Hux stifled a small smile. I'd give anything to hear you compliment me again.

“What I’m trying to say is,” Hux continued, satisfied that you liked the food, “don’t worry about what the others might think.” You paused for a moment, chewing slowly before you swallowed, looking up at him.

“Why did Snoke give me this promotion?” you asked quietly. Your eyes were on him, and he tried to think of a satisfactory response. He knew he couldn’t lie, you would see it, but the truth wasn’t really an option either.

“I’m not entirely sure,” he began, choosing his words carefully, “but the Supreme Leader is someone who likes to have leverage over those around him. He might hope to use your presence against me, or Ren.”

“Why would he do that?” Confusion etched lines into your forehead, and Hux’s heartbeat was rapid, treading carefully around the truth.

“There are many reasons why he might want to punish either of us-”

“No,” you interrupted, “I mean why would he use me?” Because I’m in love with you. You really didn’t know, couldn’t see what Hux felt was so obvious, his desire for you marking every interaction, coloring his world in shades of longing.

“I meant what I said in the hallway, Lieutenant. I trust you. You matter to me, and I’d like to think that we’re . . . friends.” He swallowed hard, his stomach sinking like he’d just admitted a dirty secret.

“It seems like I have more to gain from this friendship,” you said, smiling wryly as you walked to the sink, rinsing your plate and putting it in the washer, “if you’re going to be cooking for me and sharing custody of your cat.”

“I assure you, Lieutenant,” Hux said, “the pleasure of your company is more than enough.” You stared at him for a moment, your gaze impenetrable, but soft somehow. You walked over to him and leaned against the table, your arms crossed over your chest. He stayed seated, on pins and needles as you leaned in closer.

“Thank you for the dinner,” you said quietly, the same profound look on your face, as if you were trying to find something crucial hidden in his expression, “your kindness means everything to me.”

“Of course, Lieutenant,” Hux's heart beat faster, like its only purpose was to alert him to your proximity.

“And I want you to know that your father was wrong about you, all of them were.” Before Hux could react, your hands were on his shoulders and your lips were on his cheek, the kiss too quick for him to process, like lightning. You walked away from him, and he didn’t turn to watch as you headed to the door, frozen in his place at the table, cursing how easily he flushed red in response to your touch.

“You’re a good man, General, and a good friend. Sleep well.”

(@dark-night-sky-99​ asked to be tagged. If anyone else would like to be tagged as well, please shoot me a message 💖)

[tokidokitrash]

It’s been quite awhile since the previous post and I’m sorry!

I actually wrote this awhile back, but lacked the courage to post it.

I’m someone who is quite insecure and scared of how people might view me and my writings online.

But today I decided to just post this anyway-it’s June and Seven’s birthday is coming up— heck it!

I’m sorry it’s so long , and we aren’t at a conclusion yet- I’m just writing whatever comes to mind kinda and I’m grateful to any who reads it- your notes are such an encouragement, however small.

Also, amidst these crazy times, I hope you are all well, stay healthy, remember to eat!

——————————————————————————————-

The way we are - 02

Seven is left standing outside her door. He’s pretty lost for words at this point, which is rare for a smart mouthed genius like himself.

He has to admit, he feels better after laughing like that -it was cathartic, but after listening to what she just said, seeing her smile like she was entirely broken inside, he can’t help but feel that he’s lost something very, very important in that moment.

He’s realised she was probably crying.

And that it was most definitely his fault.

Pangs of guilt worked his their way up his mind, as his heart aches at the thought that he’s given someone as cheery as her so much sadness over his demeanour.

She had always been so strong, so happy. Shining with the brilliance of the sun with every step she took. Always seemed like nothing in life could bring her down. True, she was a little weird, with her adorable exclamations of excitement over what would seem to be the most mundane of things. How he’d catch her standing outside the apartment for a spell, start to worry she’d seen something or someone that could cause her any harm....only to realise she’d be staring adoringly at a pigeon who’d made his way down the corridor. She seemed to be delighted by any little critter or creature, and that part of her, he adored.

She was such a sweet creature herself.

He’d sometimes catch himself distracted by the CCTVs, ever on a lookout for a glimpse of you, eager to see if he could decipher what had caught your interest that day.

And oh, how his heart would swell whenever you returned to the apartment, no matter how distracted you’d be, or how many bags you were holding after a trip to the grocery store... you’d always find time to look up at the cameras and flash him a beaming smile, giving him a little wave or wink. He’d sometimes find himself giving you a wave back, blowing a kiss or two, despite knowing full well you’d never know this. You were just so, so cute, he felt his heart would burst at the seams and implode on him due to an overload of cute.

While he might be greedy for more of your attention, he savoured those little, minute, unseen interactions with you.

The incident with ‘unknown’ was the turning point.

Seeing that precious girl in danger once was too much for a lifetime.

How could he have let this happen? Was he just incapable to protecting those he cared about?

His mind entered overdrive at the realisation that Unknown was none other than his sweet younger twin Saeran, whom he’d always longed to reunite with someday.

But never in his wildest, sickest imaginings did he want a reunion like this.

Saeran, who stood before him, a completely different man. Gone was the timid, sweet boy- in his place was a twisted man whom the world had hurt too much...and it was all his fault- he failed to protect his brother .

So many unanswered questions reeled in his head, he was having the worse headaches of his life. Trying to piece together the massive puzzle that was unfurling right before his eyes. If there is indeed a god, he was being awful.

In the days he spent at MC’s place, frustration and growing anger seeped into his very core. The complications between Rika, V and Mint Eye...and how....what happened to Saeran?? Then there was the anger at himself... at how put MC in danger. He had nearly let his bright, shining flame get snuffed out.

All this was too much, he was slipping off his 707 persona, whether he wanted to or not. Telling himself it was for the best, he started pushing MC away, first treating her coldly, with disdain, as he tried his best to pour himself into the work.

Next came the harsh words lashed out towards her fuelled by his own frustrations.. Or just ignoring her, or just telling her she was being an annoyance, disrupting his work.

Yet she still always came to him, like she was pulled towards him by an unseen force.

Sometimes, all she wanted to do was sit close to him, watch him work.

Other times, she would make small talk, peppering the conversations with little jokes, trying her utmost best to lighten the mood.

She always seemed to have her eye on him, watching over him. Often fetching him some dr.pepper or honey Buddha chips, or, you know, proper food and water so he doesn’t die of malnourishment.

Once, he had accidentally dozed off mid-work, and woke to the feel of a blanket placed on his back. Then, being the jerk he is, he told her not to bother with him and leave him alone, to stop wasting her time on him, before grabbing the blanket and hurling it across the room, startling her.

Regret sank in immediately when he thought he saw her eyes glisten with the threat of tears... he saw her lips force themselves into a tight smile, the she pouts a little, rolls her eyes just ever so slightly, clearly trying to lighten the mood. “Alright, alrighttt, sorry!!” She exclaims as she gingerly pick up the blanket- folding it neatly before placing it in the couch next to him...”jusssst in case, alright? “ she says in a whisper , before adding “.....Please take care of yourself.”

He just ignored her the rest of that night.

He hated that even in this crazy situation where he’s already decided to push MC away for her safety, she still made his heart glow with a slight warmth whenever he saw how much she cared for him.

Since the day after the incident, he realised she truly was a strange one. She seemed flighty, almost airheaded at times, like when her curiosity got the better of her and she touched the floppy disk containing all the photos he had of Saeran, leading Seven to lash out at her and tell her to mind her own business for the umpteen time...

Yet there where times she seemed acutely sharp, always seemingly able to see through his 707 persona- to look deep within him and see Saeyoung.

‘No. What she was attracted to was the 707 she could fool around with in the chat rooms. Not this horrible person I truly am...not Saeyoung.’

Heading back to his corner, Seven tried to settle back into work.. but his thoughts keep bringing him back to MC. He had never wanted to see her like this. He recalls what he managed to see in that short moment they had eye contact- the reddened, swollen eyes, tear-stained face. It ripped his heart to shreds knowing he did this to her.

During that moment, there was a part of him that wanted nothing more than to apologise to her, scoop her up in his arms and kiss all the tears away, whispering apologies and sweet nothings to her as he showed her that he cared for her just as deeply as she did him.

On the other hand, the other side of him wanted to bolt out of the apartment. So that he could never hurt her again- that way she could forget about him sooner.

At this very moment, all he could think about was how much of a jerk he was- how he really could never stand in the sun with someone as radiant as her.

He was filth.

Head pounding, he sighs, slipping his headphones on- well aware this might make his headache worse, but he still blasts the music anyway, as though he’s looking for some internal form of self-punishment.

Minutes had probably turn to hours, the sun had long since risen, already hanging a little lower in the sky. Seven cracks open another can of Dr.pepper, his tongue a little numb from the constant combination of Honey Buddha chips and his favourite beverage. Idly he realises the last proper meal he had ......was the same time as MC’s. That fact makes him straighten up. He had at least some semblance of nourishment over these last two days- what about her?

He started to feel ashamed of his actions, more so, his inactions. Had he truly been so wrapped up with work and trying to push her away, that he failed to check if her basic needs were met? Whipping out the phone that had been stowed away in his oversized hoodies’ pockets, he fires off a private message to her.

- ‘Are U awake?’

...he stares at the phone expectantly, waiting for her reply.

Only the reply doesn’t come.

‘...maybe she’s asleep. ‘ He quietly thinks to himself. The idea to hack into her phone crosses his mind, but he stops himself. If he does hack into her phone, not only would it be a telling sign of his occupational hazards, it might also be a serious breach of her trust....but from the way she used to flirt with him on the messenger, she sure gave the impression that she might not be totally against the idea of him sneaking a peek or two at her.

He brushes the thought away, absentmindedly rubs his face and ugh, he feels greasy and gross- he himself was in dire need of a shower, as he’d clearly neglected himself these last few days- well, maybe the days before these as well. The man took terrible care of himself once the momentum of work was in full swing.

Phone still clutched in his left hand, he starts looking up food delivery options. He couldn’t care less about himself, but was growing more concerned about MC- he won’t have her starving herself, not on his watch! He mutters the various food options he sees on the screen, wondering what would be a good choice. “........bibimbap? Kimbap? Ah maybe something different like western or....fast food?.........hnnnnnn Indian food? What would it be.....hmmmmm...”

“WOAHH”

Her voice booms from the phone and he yelps, fumbling about with the phone. He quickly holds the phone against his ear.

“is this a miracle?! Are you finally going to eat something?!” She exclaims, voice a littler higher due to excitement and he winces from the loud volume, pulling the phone away slightly.

“MC?? How come you’re on the pho- ahhh. I did it again didn’t I?? Ahhhhhhh I need to stop dialling you ahhhhhhh” he groans as he slaps his forehead. The sound elicits giggles from her, and his heart does little somersaults in response.

“Dawwwww did you truly miss little old me thaaattt much?”

Why Yes. Yes he did.

“I know choosing what to eat might be difficult.... but you didn’t have to call y’know- cause ...dundundun! Here I am!”

Right as she says that, the door to her room swings open and she jumps out of the room, one arm up in the air, the other holding the phone to her ear, presenting herself. To Seven, it seems like light has returned, and she’s brought a gust of fresh air with her- her joyful bearings seemed to alleviate that pounding headache he’s been having. Only now does he realise that he’s finally relaxed his furrowed brow.

“Ta-dahhhh~!” She says, and Seven can’t resist clapping for her, then mentally slapping himself for going along with her antics. Hadn’t he resolved to push her away, not show the slightest form of affection for her? But ahhh, how could he have possibly resisted that??

She brings her arm down and does a little bow for him, then patters over towards his corner, dressed in a large, long sleeved shirt and pyjama bottoms with animal prints all over. Her short umber hair a messy cloud, sticking up in weird tufts, being uncooperative with her as she gently combs through her bed-head. Being so stupidly adorable- he notes. As she nears him, she stills herself, before awkwardly sitting at the far end of the couch. “So, uh, I’m here to....help?” She says as she smiles widely, exaggerating for him. He resists the urge to chuckle, and tries to go back to his ‘serious, no nonsense, leave-me-alone’ persona...then he remembers whatever happened during his last interaction with her, and tells himself that he doesn’t have to be that much of an ass. He clears his throat, noting that her eyes were now downcast, but always sneaking glances at him.

“Well, I guess it’s good you’re here, I was about to order food for us-speaking of which, I hope you aren’t starving yourself. You shouldn’t bother with me, but you should make sure to eat, to take care of yourself, or the rest would worry about you..”

“Hmm, I know! You don’t have to worry about me too, Seven~” she sighs “I can handle myself too.” Her voice seemed laced with a barely noticeable tinge of sadness at that last statement.

Worried, Seven finds himself at a loss for words, he hadn’t had time to think about how to act around her, and as the awkward atmosphere nearly makes a comeback, her belly makes its presence known on cue with a small, but audible rumble. A slight pink blossoms on her cheeks, and they stare at each other, before casting a sheepish look his way.

“bibimbap sounds good right about now though...”

He darts his eyes away from her and disguises his chuckle as a grunt,signalling his approval in her choice, rapidly scrolling away on his laptop, searching for bibimbap...and it takes every fibre of his being maximum effort to hold back the laugh that nearly escaped him, as her blush turns from pink to scarlet.

——————-

Thank you again for reading! And thank you to @emberchoihan for your comment on my previous post :)