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bush-viper-cutie · 3 years

Text

New Student, New Friend

Pairing: Young Snape x french!reader

Word Count: 2,751

Request: #1 “Hi! Can I request a young!Snape x french!reader where the reader's transferred from beauxbatons and isn't fluent in english/has a thick accent? Love your work!!”

#2 “Hi hi! Love your work! Can I request Young Snape x French reader? Sorry if I dont speak well, english is not my first language <3”

Warnings: none

A/N: Hello everyone again! :D I combined both requests because they are pretty similar so enjoy!

Posted: 9/10/21

Masterlist

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~*~*~ = time skip

(Y/n) = first name

(L/n) = last name

~*~*~

~*~*~ = POV change

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~*~*~*~*~ *~

There was a strange static in the air this morning, one Severus couldn't quite place. He brushed his long hair back behind his ear and listened in to the hushed whispers of passing classmates.

"...Beauxbaton, can you believe it?"

"Nice to not know someone for a change - "

Beauxbaton? Severus gathered they were talking about a new teacher perhaps? Although it wasn't that odd to get new professors in the middle of the school year. Just last year the Dark Arts professor was promptly replaced when he went mad after a spell backfired on him; In fact, every year there was a new one.

It was strange that the new teacher should be a transfer from another school such as Beauxbaton... Maybe they were fired and no one else wanted them, must be down on their luck. And if that is the case, how very fitting for Hogwarts, home of inadequacy.

Severus, still deep in his bitter thoughts, almost tripped over the shoe that had extended out in front of him. He caught himself and whirled around angrily. "Watch it!" he growled, straightening.

James Potter smirked. "Oh, Snivellus. Didn't see you there.” His Gryffindor friends snickered behind him, bolstering his ego. "I'd get along to class if I were you. Wouldn't want to be late on your first day back."

Severus grit his teeth and did everything he could to not growl his displeasure of being in so close proximity to the pinnacle of mediocrity that was Potter. It had been a week after winter holidays had ended but after another nearly fatal encounter with Black, he’d been forced to stay in the Hospital Wing un-zippering his mouth and a couple of fingers before being allowed back.

The memory of the experience made his knees weak, making keeping his riled demeanor that much harder. He was lucky he'd had the foresight to cover his nose before Black unleashed his hex. It wasn’t a quick run from the lake to the nurse, and he certainly wouldn't have made it with his nostrils zippered together as well.

"Mind your own business, Potter." Severus spat out his name like rotten apples, furrowing his brows in an attempt to seem more threatening however he could not help but notice the hallways getting emptier by the second. He knew better than to get caught alone with Potter.

He laughed and turned to catch up with his friends. Severus watched him go, only relaxing his shoulders after Potter had rounded the corner and disappeared out of sight. The hall was empty.

He turned and continued down the corridor when his hearing perked at the scuff of loud footsteps. He whirled around, hand plunging into his robes, but it was too late.

"Levipeds!"

Severus' head snapped back as his feet whipped out from under him. He hung limp in the air, watching his wand roll away on the stone floor. His hair nearly touched the dirty ground.

James laughed. "Welcome back, Snivellus!"

He closed his eyes as his boiling blood rushed to his head. He was hanging upside down in the air, alone in the empty corridor. He couldn't scream for help, he'd just get yelled at for disturbing lessons, and he couldn't reach his wand - as long as his limbs might be, his wand might as well have rolled down into the dungeons. He'd have to hang there until classes were over or one of the portraits decided to help him out for once.

"Eh... Excuse moi?" A quiet voice wrapped in a thick French accent broke the silence.

His eyes flew open and stared straight into the face of a beautiful but completely unfamiliar student. She bent down low to meet his eyes. She must be the mystery person from Beauxbaton, the new student as it turned out.

This was worse, so much worse than being caught by anyone else in the school - except for a very select few. Severus looked around in search of anything that might make this all less embarrassing.

"You need help, no?" Her voice was more confident this time, laced with a hint of friendly amusement.

"Uhh..." He met her eyes and hoped this new student would excuse his red face to be due to all his blood rushing down.

She straightened and pointed behind him. "This is your wand? I'll give to you?" His wand was in his hand with one quick flick of her own.

His eyebrows automatically shot up at her use of nonverbal spells. "Thanks," he tried swallowing but ended up coughing. He covered his mouth and performed the counter-hex, dropping to the floor with a grunt.

She rushed forward, looping her arm through his and helping him up to his feet. She laughed and dusted the dirt off his back while he stood paralyzed.

"Better, no?" she smiled, facing him a foot from his stiff figure. "I'm new seventh-year transfer... And you?"

For a moment his mouth opened but no words flew out, and then all at once words poured out as fast as if under a curse. "I'm - oh - yes you're from Beauxbaton, right? Yeah - er - yes, seventh-year as well."

Her hands flew up and she waved them in front of herself with a laugh. "Slow please!" she laughed again. "One more time?"

Severus gave an awkward laugh that matched hers and nodded. "I'm also a seventh-year."

"Oh!" she held out a paper and pointed down to the class he was late for. "I am so lost! You help me now? Oui?"

She smiled up at him and his heart nearly leaped out of his mouth. He nodded quickly, "Yes - er - oui, I'll help you... Actually, that's my class too..."

"Oh!" Her smile widened, "I need partner for the class! You have one?"

For once Severus thanked his unlucky past self. His time in the hospital wing all week meant everyone would be already partnered up. "No, I don't..." his face flushed red again and he cleared his throat, looking away. "We could be partners?"

"Bon! Lead the way, partner," she motioned for him to lead, keeping a very close pace next to him as they walked. "I am lucky to find you, did not know anyone yet. You are only third person met!"

He gave her a small smile as they walked together, but he knew it wouldn't take long for her to find out his status at the school. Being a new student, he was sure she’d make all the friends she could ever want by the end of the day. Then she'd reconsider her luck after everyone tells her all about her lab partner, 'Snivellus'.

~*~*~

They made it to class late. The professor looked up and frowned, ready to tell them off when Severus' new ‘friend’ spoke up.

"Excuse us, Professor, I am new and got lost."

The professor sighed and waved his hand, giving her a pass. "And I see you're back Mr. Snape. Get to your seats, you'll both be working together - get moving."

The two back seats were empty and Severus was glad to be away from the front for once. His new partner set down her things, and as she bent to pick up her books Severus caught a glimpse of Sirius Black glaring at him from the front, a seat behind where Severus had been sitting the last term. Black had anticipated his return and was obviously annoyed with the change in seating.

"What may I call you, Mr. Snape?" The new student whispered, giving him her full attention despite the lesson continuing.

"S-Severus." He looked around to make sure no one was paying attention to him. He'd die of embarrassment if they started teasing him in front of her for daring to open his mouth. "And you?"

She smiled. "Severus Snape? That's a beautiful name." She looked back up to make sure their conversation was still private and turned back. She reached up and gripped his tie, pulling him towards her. She leaned and held a hand to his ear, moving her lips inches from his ear. "(Y/n) (L/n)."

Severus’ heart beat faster than it ever had before. The immense drumming in his ears almost made it impossible to hear her whispers. When she released him, he turned to look at her, feeling his face heat up either from proximity or from her warm breath flowing over his face. "(Y/n)... Good to know." He swallowed and realized he had not moved since she had pulled him towards her. He would have felt like an idiot if she wasn’t looking at him so playfully.

"You gonna kiss her, Snivellus?"

Severus pulled back quickly and clenched his jaw at Black.

The professor smacked Sirius' head with a roll of parchment. "Mr. Black, disturb my class again and I'll assign you an essay for every night this week." Severus smirked. "And you, Mr. Snape," the Professor smacked the board, creating a puff of chalk, "- will hand me your notes tomorrow before class - legible notes, might I add."

Severus nodded as the class snickered and turned away from (Y/n). The rest of the lesson went by agonizingly slow. Severus counted the seconds until he could run away to the library, away from taunting eyes. He hated himself for turning so red, but he hated Black even more for making him the fool.

~*~*~

You could tell the boy, 'Mr. Black', had embarrassed Severus greatly. He was hunched over his parchment, focused completely on the professor's words, and never once looking back up at you.

You read the words on the board but soon your eyes ventured down to look at the tall lanky boy currently trying to visibly shrink in his seat. The moment shared between you both still played on your mind. He had beautiful long lashes and deep dark eyes to match. It had been fun to see him so flustered over you, but the guilt of what you'd caused sat heavily on your chest. That boy had noted Severus had been in the perfect position to kiss her, which... did she kind of wish he had?... Just to see - for just a curious taste.

You didn't know what specifically was so alluring about Severus, but you could imagine yourself wrapped in his arms, pulling on his long hair, biting his lips, and hearing that deep voice of his purring for more. Something about him - or maybe everything about him - made you wonder how gentle those hands of his could be.

The bells rang in the distance, marking the end of the lesson. You packed your things and sat waiting for Severus to do the same. He was slow at first and then after a quick flick of his eyes up to you hurried along.

You stood at the same time and motioned for the door, scrambling to translate your thoughts into English. "Lunch now? We can sit together?"

People filed out of the class, which Severus watched closely before turning back to her and answering. "Look, this isn't the only time… I'm not someone to hang out with unless you like hexes and spells to be thrown in your direction."

You could see the hurt in his eyes, the way his brows furrowed, and his down-turned eyes filled with tears that wouldn't fall. Before you could bring yourself to respond, he sighed shakily, giving you pause.

"It's not your fault... I'll show you down and then I suggest you forget about being friends." He pulled open the door and held it open for you without meeting your eyes.

What could you say to him? You stepped out into the corridor, contemplating how to phrase what you were thinking when laughter pulled your focus.

"I see you've met our Snivellus." The stupid boy, Black, came forward talking to you but keeping his attention on Severus. He had long curly hair nearly as long as Severus' and was taller, with proud shoulders held in a loose demeanor that still made him seem important in some way. His eyes shifted to you, "Hope he didn't drip any snot on you while he tried for a kiss."

You scoffed, “You do not understand what you saw. Please leave us alone.”

“Love, maybe you’re not understanding me. For your own safety I insist YOU leave this sniffling slime alone.” Black took a step closer.

Severus pulled out his wand but held it low, at the ready in an instant. "I’m done with your games. Unlike you, you nitwitted tower troll, I have places to be." He finally glanced your way, "Excuse me," and made to leave.

Black blocked his way, laughing at the now pointed wand in Severus’ hand. "Go ahead, I’ll be glad if you finally get expelled for using wands in the corridors. Mine's not even on me."

You eyed the smirk on his face and the tiny shift of his hand towards his trousers pocket. Was that a lie then? Whatever the case, you had enough of this game too. "My friend, Severus, is showing me to lunch. We are going now." You stepped between Severus and Black, giving the taller boy an annoyed look.

"I’m telling you, be careful," Black chuckled. "He might try to kiss you again if you’re too nice."

You paused and stepped back, looking up at Severus, whose eyes were fixed on Black, staring daggers into him. You bit your lip and chuckled the same way Black had, finding a different kind of amusement than him in this situation. "I hope he will."

Severus' head snapped to you, his cheeks slowly going a light shade of pink all over.

Black made a disgusted sound and a show of his fake nausea. “Darling, I don’t think I understood you correctly. Check your dictionary and if that’s not the problem maybe your eyes.”

This boy was really getting on your nerves now. If you’d been back at Beauxbaton you’d’ve already hexed him into a soggy pile of starter yeast, baked him into the perfect Pain au Levain, and chucked him out the tallest tower window. “Move it,” you made sure your French accent coated the word heavily.

Severus’ hand wrapped around your arm, pulling you back. He kept his wand and eyes trained on Black but spoke to you. “Go down to lunch. I’ll stay here to have the chat Black so desperately wants to have with me.” He looked up again, “Let her leave.”

Black smiled, “That’s fine. Been meaning to ask how your winter holiday was after I last saw you.”

You turned to Severus, ready to protest when the door to the classroom opened, cutting Black off. You all stood very still and awkward, hoping to hide the atmospheric hostility that had been created.

The Professor locked the door with a flick of his wand and looked at everyone with concern. "Off to lunch, no need wandering the corridors. Now." He ushered everyone down the stairs, walking close behind in equal silence.

You reached the floor second to last, after Black and then Severus, and pulled on Severus' arm the second your Professor had turned towards the staff room. You kept your hand on him to make sure he didn’t decide to leave before you could talk to him. Before Black could step towards you to continue the ‘conversation’, other Gryffindor students pulled him towards a small crowd gathering across the floor. Whatever it was seemed to be of higher interest and he left with only single backwards glance.

You both watched him go dissolve into the rowdy group and suddenly the air around you shifted. Severus turned instantly, searching your eyes with an intensity you could almost feel. You blushed and slid your hand down his sleeve and lingered on his bare hand. Neither of you said a word but the electricity connecting your eyes and the comfortable silence that enveloped you both spoke volumes. "We could eat together, no?"

His eyes settled on your hand still on his until you let go. "Oui," he whispered with a smile pulling at his lips. “Lunch then.”

As you both walked on, he slowly crept closer with every step, making your shoulders brush against his arm. His pinky tickled the skin on your wrist, making you cough to hide a giggle as you entered the Great Hall. Your eyes flickered up at his and you smiled, seeing a gentle blush and an even gentler smile on his face.

~*~*~*~*~ *~

Masterlist

—-

General taglist:

@setsuna-meiou31

@severuslovebot

@bionic-otp

—–

651 notes · View notes

weichei-stubentiger · 3 years

Text

Silver Moon Ch. 6

Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS Relationship: Jeon Jungkook/OC

Words: 3,900 Chapters: 6/__ Language: English Rating: Explicit Warnings: Past trauma, violence, slow burn but the smut will hit hard, corny hybrid tropes (I will probably add to this list as I write) Category: M/F

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37537594/chapters/93691681

Story Summary: Hybrids are hardly the biggest part of Alina’s life. In fact, she tries her best to ignore anything hybrid-related. She is content to study for her entrance exam to grad school and try to live as innocuously as possible. But the events of her past will com back to haunt her when she becomes indebted to a hybrid named Jungkook. Their lives have become inextricably intertwined, but will they be able to trust each other? Will they be able to stand with each other in order to survive?

prev / next materslist

Note: I hadn’t thought of this before, but if anyone wants me to start a tag list, just shoot me a message

Chapter 6

Alina: ’I just got off work. You at the gym?’

JK: ‘Yeah’

Alina: ‘You want me to come pick you up on my way home? I took the car today’

JK: ‘Sure’

Alina: ‘Ok be there soon’

Alina closed her phone and got ready to leave. JK seemed to get along really well with some of the guys at the gym. It made her happy, knowing that he had people. She was so busy with her exam coming up and writing her applications. She’d let the days get by her, it was already early October. She hadn’t brought up where JK should go, but he hadn’t either, so she’d let it slip to the back burner.

“Bye Rebecca!” she called to her coworker.

“Get home safe!”

The drive went by quickly and Alina parked a block away from the gym. Getting out her phone, she dialed Jungkook’s number to tell him she was outside.

It rang but no one answered. She tried again. It made her a little anxious, which she knew wasn’t justified. She was about to start walking towards the gym when he finally picked up.

“Hey! Is this Alina?”

That wasn’t Jungkook.

“Yeah. Is JK there? Is he ok?”

“Yeah yeah he’s fine! He’s helping Jin with the food. Are you close by?”

“I’m outside”

“Great! Why don’t you come in and eat with us. I’m Jimin by the way,” the voice on the phone said.

“Uh, sure I can come in for a second.”

She’d go in and check with Jungkook and see if he still wanted the ride. She didn’t want to infringe on his space. And she didn’t really know the guys he was with. Jungkook had told her a little about them, so a few names, including Jimin, would be familiar. But she didn’t think Jungkook would want her there, probably the other hybrids wouldn’t either.

As soon as she entered the reception, a hybrid with blond hair and white ears popped out from the back room.

“Alina?”

“Yeah that’s me” she said, smiling.

“Hi! I’m Jimin from before - ”

JK came running up from behind Jimin. “Alina! Sorry I didn’t answer the phone before. I didn’t know Jimin had answered. We can go now if you want.”

“No that’s okay, it sounds like you guys were going to eat. I can use the car all night, so I can just come pick you up later. It’s no problem really.”

“Hey wait,” Jimin said, addressing Alina, “why don’t you just stay and eat, too?”

“I don’t want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t be intruding,” Jungkook said. His sincerity surprised her. Usually the was kind of hard to read, but he was looking right at her, eyes soft serious.

“Ok,” she agreed, “if you’re sure it’s ok.”

Jimin gave her a dimpled smilie, ushering her towards the back room where they were eating.

“Hey Alina!” Namjoon said, coming over to them in the doorway when he spotted them. “You joining us?”

“Yeah if that’s ok”

“Of course - here, JK, you want to introduce her to everybody?”

Jungkook came up next to her. They already had the attention of most of the people in the room, so Jungkook was able to introduce her relatively quickly.

“This is Tea, he’s one of the dancers” he said indicating towards a man with a cheerful boxy smile who already had a plate of food. He reached out a hand, “hey nice to finally meet you!”

She shook his hand, smiling.

“That’s Jimin, you already met him, he’s a teacher here. That’s Jin over there by the food”

“Hi hi!” the man called over.

“You already know Hobi. And Yoongi’s gonna come by later so you’ll meet him then."

Alina said hi to everyone. She wasn’t an overly shy person, but for some reason it felt important to her that Jungkook’s friends liked her. She wondered how they all knew each other. Jin and Tae were clearly human, but Jimin was a hybrid. On top of that, it was rare that hybrids were employed, and the money always had to be payed to an account that included the owner.

JK led her over to one of the sofas then brought her a plate of food.

Namjoon came to sit by her. “I hope we didn’t blind-side you. Dinner was kind of a last minute idea. Jin owns a restaurant and brought over some food.”

“No it’s no problem, thank you for letting me join,” she said, already tucking into the food. “The food is fantastic, by the way.”

Jin had come to sit across from them on the other side of the coffee table. “Thank you very much,” he said with a little bow.

“His restaurant is getting pretty popular,” Tea said, “Bon Seoul.”

“Oh that’s right near where I work! I’ve been meaning to try it out”

“If you come by make sure to ask for me, all Hobi’s dancers eat free. You don’t dace but that’s ok,” Jin said with a wink.

They’d all settled down with their food, Jungkook bringing his chair up next to the couch she was sitting on. They boys seemed interested in getting to know her, asking her questions about her studies and what she did. She asked about the dance classes and learned that Tae was in nursing school. Jimin was Namjoon’s other hybrid, and Yoongi was a hybrid registered to Jin. It turned out that all the boys had known each other for years, but they all seemed to really like JK, welcoming him into their little group, which she was happy about.

She liked them, and JK seemed a lot more open with them, smiling and joking with them. They were probably the reason he had become more confident and happy at home, as well.

They’d been eating for a while when they heard the front door open and close in the other room.

“Oh that must be Yoongi,” Namjoon said, putting down his chopsticks.

Sure enough, a hybrid with fluffy grey ears and dark hair appeared in the doorway a few seconds later.

“Hey,” he announced as he came in the room. He seemed much more reserved than the other guys, or maybe just more low-key.

Jin was already getting up, “Yoongi! Take a seat - I’ll get some food for you,” he said, heading over to the food.

Yoongi didn’t seem to notice Alina until he sat down. “Oh, hi, I’m Yoongi. Are you Jungkook’s owner?” He asked passively, extending a hand.

Alina saw Namjoon roll his eyes out of the corner of her eye, but she didn’t know why.

“Uh yeah I guess, I’m Alina,” she said, smiling politely and shaking his hand.

“What do you mean, ‘you guess.’ You’re either his owner or you’re not,” Yoongi said, taking a plate of food from Jin.

“Ah come on Yoongi, don’t give her the third degree already!” Jimin said, “just ignore him, he likes putting newcomers through the wringer.”

“mh” was all Yoongi said.

Alina felt a little awkward. Something was going one that she wasn’t privy to, which was fine, but it also seemed like Yoongi didn’t like her.

“Hey I’ve been wondering,” Jimin said through a mouthful of pork, “JK said you registered him as a favor, but how’d you guys meet?”

He hadn’t told them? Maybe he didn’t want them to know for some reason. She looked over at Jungkook, hoping he’d give her some signal as to what he wanted her to say. But he just laughed, “You can tell them if you want.”

“I mean, I’m kind of surprised he didn’t tell you guys. He saved me from a mugging a few weeks ago,” Alina said.

“What!” Hobi exclaimed. “Jungkookie you’re some kind of hero and didn’t tell us?!”

“She’s leaving out the part where I got myself knocked out by some human and then got detained by the police, that’s why she had to register me,” Jungkook said.

Tea let out a laugh, “don’t worry JK you’re still a baby, you’ll get stronger. Maybe one day you’ll be able to bench more than me”

“You’re only a little older than me Tae, and what are you talking about anyway? I can already bench more than you!” JK laughed.

“Don’t embarrass me in front of Alina!” Tae complained.

JK scoffed, a smile on his face.

*****

It was getting pretty late by the time the food was gone. Jimin had brought out beer but Alina had to decline since she was driving. Even still, she had a good time staying and chatting with all of them. She still got the impression that Yoongi didn’t like her, maybe even that he was suspicious of her. But she didn’t know how to fix it so she tried to just move past it.

Finally, they said their good-byes, Alina thanking Jin again for the food, and headed out.

“Hey Courtney is still pushing this hiking idea. I don’t think I can hold her off anymore. Are you into going next weekend?” Alina asked when they got in the car.

“Yeah sure. Is it a real hike or just a trail?”

“Probably more like a trail,” she said. “Oh, wait, you’ll need some sturdier shoes.”

“Sneakers are fine.”

“You’re gonna slip and twist your ankle. And we should probably get something warmer for you to wear, too.”

“Alina, I don’t get cold like you, I’ll be fine. If you want, I can borrow something from Tae”

“Ok, I’ll let Courtney know,” she said, satisfied with their comprise.

*****

Apparently when JK had asked to borrow hiking shoes from Tae, it had peaked both Tae and Jimin’s interest. They had asked if they could tag along, to which Courtney said of course.

It had ended up making the trip all the more fun. The group met up in the mid morning and drove together to the mountain trail. It didn’t take very long for them to get comfortable with each other. Jimin had made a playlist for the ride, and Tae and Alina had both packed food for everyone.

The trail itself was beautiful. The October weather was perfect for hiking and the leafs were at their most brilliant. In fact, the group had enjoyed the hike so much that they’d lost track of time.

“Hey it’s getting pretty late Court” Alina called from the back. Mina was walking next to her, Courtney was at the front with Tae. Jimin had challenged Jungkook to a race, so they had already disappeared from sight.

Alina had had a better time than she’d thought she would, and she was happy that Tea and Jimin decided to tag along. But the day was getting colder than they expected, and they’d need at least an hour and a half to get back to the car. They’d stopped to eat a while ago, which had eaten up time, as well.

Plus, at this point, the further they got into the forest, the less she felt like joking around and the more she felt like heading back. It felt like the trees were getting denser and denser, and the trails were kind of hard to navigate with the fallen leaves.

‘You’re stressing yourself out. Relax, you were fine for the whole hike up the trail’ she thought to herself.

“Yeah you’re right, maybe we should turn around. Do you know where JK and Jimin went?”

Alina shook head head, shrugging. She looked around; the two boys must have gotten pretty far on their own.

“Jungkook!” She called. No response. “Jungkook!”

“Jimin! JK! Come on we’re heading back” Tae joined in.

They were all facing the direction the trail headed, waiting for the two boys to come back and join them. A gust of cool October wind brought red and yellow leaves swirling down around around them.

Alina was about to call out again when someone grabbed her arm from behind. She gasped ripping her arm away and whirling around so fast she almost fell to the ground.

All she saw for a moment was a strip of blond hair brushing past dark eyes.

Suddenly the forest around them was no longer a peaceful October scene. The sound of rustling leaves was replaces by bitter cold silence. There was snow on the ground. The trees loomed dark around her, and she was alone with a monster.

*****

13 years ago

The boy was gone. She needed to run. She needed to get out of the house. He was probably going to find his family and tell them he was sorry. That meant they’d be coming back to kill her. She’d be trapped if she stayed here.

And her family…she needed to get help.

She crept out of the closet, out of her room, listening carefully for any noises.

The house was silent. All she could hear was the wind outside.

She was too afraid to go into the living room. She knew what she’d see. So she went the other way, towards the back door.

She stopped with her hand on the door knob. A sob broke out of her, painfully loud in the quiet house.

‘You’re abandoning your family,’ she thought to herself hatefully. But she was so scared. The urge to flee was too great.

She opened the door and started to run.

It was still snowing. Her socks instantly became soaked through, the cold burning her feet.

She ran as fast as she could. It felt like a nightmare. Like she was running but not getting anywhere.

What if the boy ran in this direction, too?

The trees started to feel like they were closing in on her. She felt like she was being chased. The boy was somewhere in the web of black trunks and white snow. She could feel him watching her, waiting for a chance to close in on her.

She kept running. Then the ground suddenly dipped down and she was tumbling through the snow and dirt. She came to a stop at the side of a road.

She couldn’t get up. She was too cold, too tired. She stared up at the sky, which was still dark with clouds and snow even though it must be morning. The back of her exposed arms burned from the ice and snow. The rest of her cloths were soaked. She wondered if she would be buried in cold by the time anyone drove by.

When she closed her eyes, the last thing she saw was the boy’s eyes. Big and dark and scared.

*****

Jungkook was horror struck for a moment when Alina collapsed on the forest floor, gasping like she couldn’t get enough air. He wasn’t sure what had happened. All he’d meant to do was joke around with her, maybe startle a laugh out of her. They’d gotten a lot more comfortable over the past few weeks and he thought it would be funny.

He and Jimin had gotten so far ahead of the group that they’d circled back around. It had felt so good to really run again, which he hadn’t done in a while. When the two hybrids had come up behind the group, Jungkook had run up to Alina, grabbing her arm. She’d acted like he’d burned her. An apology was on the tip of his tongue, because he hadn’t meant to really scare her, but then he saw her eyes glaze over as she stumbled to the ground.

He dropped down to the ground with her, “Alina?” He said urgently, “Hey are you ok? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” He went to put a hand on her arm but thought better of it. Her eyes were scrunched shut, and she was hyperventilating.

By now Mina and Courtney had run over. “Hold on, let’s not crowd her,” Mina said calmly when Tae and Jimin approached as well. “I think she’d having a panic attack. She’s had them before. It’s gotten better over the last few years though,” Mina said.

“Alina,” Courtney said, “can you hear me. It’s Courtney, you’re safe. Try to slow your breathing,” She put a hand on Alina’s back.

Jungkook was still crouched beside her. Maybe he should back up.

After a few minutes of coaxing from Courtney and Mina, Alina’s breath started to even out. Jungkook watched her carefully, staying quiet. He still wasn’t sure what happened or what would make things bad again. Alina’s eyes were still closed, but he saw her relax back into Courtney’s hold. Her eyes started to blink open and she looked around, disoriented.

“Alina?” Mina said, “You’re safe. You're with me and Courtney and the guys. Are you back with us?”

Alina nodded slowing, closing her eyes again, brining her hands up to rub at her face.

“I’m sorry,” she said shakily, “I don’t know what happened.”

“Alina, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. You shouldn’t apologize,” Jungkook said.

She met his eyes for a second but then looked away. She shook her head. “No, no it wasn’t your fault. I scared everyone for no reason.”

Jungkook could tell she was embarrassed. He wanted to insist that she shouldn’t feel that way, but he felt unsure of his place in all this. Even though she said it wasn’t his fault, he was pretty sure it was. And she had close friends around her. They were definitely better equipped and more entitled to help her.

“It’s ok, Alina,” Jimin said gently. “I mean we were worried, but like JK said, it wasn’t your fault. Sometimes these things happen, and me and JK shouldn’t have surprised you guys like that.”

Tae crouched down next to her, keeping his movements slow. It was a lot of people now, so Jungkook got up and stepped back.

“If it’s ok, can I take your pulse? I think Mina was right, you might have had a panic attack.”

Alina nodded. They sat quietly, Tae checking on her.

“I’m really ok guys. It wasn’t bad, I think I just needed a minute,” she said, making to get up.

She was clearly still a little shaky. She looked tired now, too.

“The car is kind of far. If you want I could carry you on my back the rest of the way,” JK found himself offering.

Alina still wasn’t looking at him, which made him a little worried. But then she gave him a small smile and said, “no that’s ok. I already owe you from the first time you saved me. Come on let’s just get going.”

They started back the way they came. Alina had thanked them for being so patient, and had apologized again. Jungkook really wished she wouldn’t do that.

Mina and Tae had gone ahead to get the car and bring it to the trail head. Jimin and Jungkook were walking with Alina and Courtney in front of them, wanting Alina to set the pace. She was kind of quiet, but she made the occasional contribution to conversation. She was going increasingly slowly, though, stumbling a little every so often.

Jungkook could tell she was tired from the panic attack. But he held himself back from saying anything, since she’d denied his help from before. So he just settled for keeping an eye on her, feeling useless and guilty.

*****

Alina was embarrassed. She was thankful for everyone’s help, but they shouldn’t have to feel like they need to take care of her on a trip that was supposed to be light and fun. Still, she was lucky that Mina and Courtney knew what to do. At least the attack wasn’t horribly long.

She tried to convince herself it wasn’t a big deal. She should have known that a hike would be a bad idea. And the memory Jungkook had triggered - it had all just overtaken her. It felt like she was back in the night 13 years ago, that he had caught her.

Alina brought her hand up to her head.

He had no way of knowing she would over-react like that. She felt like she owed him an explanation, yet she couldn’t tell him the truth.

She wished she could turn around and look at him, just to check and see how he looked. If he seemed annoyed or neutral or freaked out.

When she’d come to, realizing what had happened, she hadn’t wanted to look at him at all. She didn’t want to think about that night, she didn’t want to be around the boy that had been chasing her.

But he hadn’t been chasing her. He’d spared her. And then saved her again 13 years later. That thought had made her want to rush to him and thank him, tell him everything that she’d kept to herself. She wanted to reveal what a coward she was, and ask him to tell her what she could do to make up for it. Thankfully she’d been too groggy to act on that impulse. Once she was felling a little better, she’d quickly realized how much worse that would make the situation.

Now all she could do was try to keep walking forward and try to get back to the car without incident. Maybe at some point she’d find a way to tell him the truth, or maybe it was better for both of them that she keep it secret, tucked away in the darkness of the past.

She had just stumbled again when she felt someone gently touch her arm.

“Alina come on, I really want to help. You’re asleep on your feet,” Jungkook said, removing his hand quickly.

“Yeah, and I bet Jungkook will make a good pack mule! He’s got the build for it,” Jimin chimed in.

Jungkook threw him a playfully annoyed look before turning his attention back to Alina.

She realized she would be making it harder on everyone if she declined help again. They were making increasingly bad time, and everyone was probably getting hungry. And she was so worn out.

So she nodded her head. Jungkook smiled at her and turned around, crouching down a little so she could get on his back.

She gingerly climbed on, and he wrapped his arms securely around her legs. Then he straightened up with amazing ease. She really didn’t have ay concept of his strength, she realized.

“You good?” He asked.

“Yeah, thank you,” she said. They started moving again, keeping a better pace now. Leaves rustled and crunched under Jungkook’s steps. She felt her eyes get heavier. Soon she couldn’t resist laying her head on the back of his shoulder. She could feel his body heat through his sweatshirt. What a weird day.

“Jungkook,” she whispered.

“Hm?”

“I might fall asleep.”

“That’s ok. I’ll wake you up when we get to the car.”

She decided to believe him, that it would be ok if she fell asleep. She felt him tighten his arms around her thighs. Closing her eyes, she let herself be lulled by the conversation between Jimin and Courtney and by the rhythmic movements of Jungkook’s walking.

#jungkook x ofc #jungkook x oc #jungkook x you #jeon jungkook fanfiction #bts jeongkook #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jeon jungkoooook #jeon jungkook fanfic #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x ofc #bts hybrid fanfic #bts fanfction #hybrid jungkook #hybrid!jungkook #hybrid fic #bts hybrid au #jeon jungguk #bts jungkook

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fallinfl0wers · 3 years

Text

love stories with some genshin boys i thought of while listening to my playlists

includes: aether (210 words), xiao (261 words), scaramouche (277 words) and albedo (307)

warnings (?): spoilers of ‘we will be reunited’, english is not my native language and uhh idk what else, idk really know what these are, headcanons ?? snippets ?? also not beta read and not edited.

it’s long so uhhh i’ll add a cut somewhere

anyway enjoy!! ...whatever this is i guess

Aether

Falling in love with Aether is like a fun adventure. He, being always the center of attention and the protagonist no matter where he goes, is a free spirited, kind and hardworking man.

Throughout your time travelling and being in a relationship together, you’ll find that your relationship with the Honorary Knight is one of sweet kisses under the sunlight; innocent handholding while thinking up of what to make for dinner tonight; of easily talked out arguments and finding ways to compromise; of softly pushing each other to become a better version of themselves and, most of all, of supporting and having each other’s backs no matter what.

And when Aether confronts the Abyss Princess face to face for the first time and his world comes crashing down on him, this trait of your relationship shines like no other, as you hold him in your arms after everything was over during the night, Paimon sleeping soundly next to the both of you inside your improvised campsite.

“Even though I’m not sure what -or who- I should believe anymore, I... I know I want to see this journey to the end, and I want you to be there with me for it. Let’s be together until the last moment and beyond.”

Songs:

Snow Fairy - Funkist

Snowing, be honest with yourself and smile When two people are getting closer, time overlaps Fairy, where are you going I will gather all the light and shine it on your tomorrow

Still Lonely - SEVENTEEN

This cursed popularity. Why won’t it leave me? But why am I getting lonelier The early morning chill makes me feel Even lonelier today I feel completely empty, as if I’m empty

Kanpeki Gu~ no ne - Watarirouka Hashiritai

I'm at a loss for words, with this and that, I'm totally in love with you Someday, I want do the same to you: Watch you flounder, At a loss for words right back to me!

Side by Side - The8 from SEVENTEEN

I want to hold hands with you but I don't know what to do what to do oh baby I want to give all my heart to you but You still don't know what's in my heart

Hope - Namie Amuro

At the end of this blue, wide world there's a place I want to aim at with you We chose this long ago for eternity

Xiao

Falling in love with Xiao is like living a bittersweet dream. The Vigilant Yaksha is far from human, or so he says, and thus is out of touch with the way we mortals experience feelings, both the negative and positive ones.

Your relationship with him is one of compassion, mutual understanding, appreciation and patience. So, so much patience. Of intertwined pinkies and soft stolen glances, of shy smiles and comfortable silence sometimes filled with your voice chatting time away and his short responses to your talks.

I mentioned patience. He knows you’re making an enormous effort to try and understand him and be patient with him and his slow learning process of how relationships work, so it’s only fair that he makes a true effort to understand you and your feelings.

Xiao is well aware that he could hurt you without wanting to, be it with his blunt phrasing of his thoughts or his Karmic Debt, as much as he is aware that you will eventually pass away and leave him behind to go somewhere he can’t follow, and that undeniable truth haunts him every second of every day he gets to spend with you. And still, he wishes and wants and does cherish each and every warm, kind feeling he gets every single second you’re together nonetheless.

“I might not know what to make of these new feelings you gave me. But I’ll learn. I promise I’ll learn, so please... don’t go, not yet. Let me treasure you and carve you into my memory for as long as I can.”

Songs:

Euphoria - BTS

I don't know what this emotion is Perhaps this is also the inside of a dream A dream is the blue mirage of the desert Deep inside of me, a priori I become happy to the point of being unable to breathe The surroundings, bit by bit, become clearer

Fallin’ Flower - SEVENTEEN

While flower blooms and falls, scars cure and buds shoot We are living our first and last moment So I won’t take you for granted Because you loved me as I am

Fear - SEVENTEEN

Get out my mind I can't handle it, I'm afraid of myself The truth has me tied up My heart is tainted I'm afraid it'll eventually change you too

The Truth Untold - BTS, Steve Aoki

It’s my fate Don’t smile to me Light on me Because I can’t get closer to you There’s no name you can call me

You know that I can’t Show you me Give you me I can’t show you a ruined part of myself Once again I put a mask on and go to see you But I still want you

Tiny Light - Akari Kitō

Because you colored my unchanging monochromatic days Even the blurred darkness gained meaning

Still, hidden in this heart, these feelings of preciousness so strong that they hurt I just want to convey these feelings to only you before they disappear someday

Scaramouche

Falling in love with Scaramouche is like constantly playing a game. He’s strict, demanding, disagreeable, and widely disliked by enemies and allies alike. Still, he has a heart too; and he holds desires and hopes deep inside of it, although most of them are fueled by the unchanging curiosity he has towards the world around him, curiosity to know what he can get out of whatever the world wants to throw at him.

You were no exception to that rule, at first.

When he met you he wanted to get something from you. And you knew it from the start, just as he knew that you knew. And that didn’t change anything, at first.

Your relationship with him is one of dangerously playful, yet still light-hearted games of seduction, teasing and deceit; of secret kisses exchanged in expensive private rooms in restaurants or the cozy warmth of your home, of an unspoken shared respect and, most of all, complete, mutual devotion.

You know Scaramouche is not a good man. He has done many, many unspeakable things in his life as one of the Eleven, and he knows he’s far from being the perfect charming prince you could aim for, but he will never let you go. Because behind those hardened walls of egocentrism and pride, you saw what no one else bothered to see. You saw him, not the role he was playing, you saw him and fell in love with him.

“To be honest, I don’t think I could find anyone else who understands me as much as you do. And no, I’m not saying this because I want something, give me some more credit, geez...”

Songs:

soldier game - µ’s

You'll come with me, yes? You've grown curious about my touch, yes? Then it's already love Since you're someone I must meet in battle someday, That might just be your reason It's soldier game Though we've met again, I'm soldier heart

Kowareyasuki - Guilty Kiss

Just stop it already and show your heart only to me I love your eyes that are about to cry And your defenseless, clumsy way of living too (...) The hesitation you convey makes my chest hurt Some people just don't know what such kindness is But then I discover the truth When we got together, you don't have to endure anymore Right now, show your grief only to me I like that you think too much The complete opposite of me

Shhh - SEVENTEEN

Don't think of all these as your mere illusion They're not lies that follow the moment No one can underestimate it, my feelings are an ignition 'Cause I'm always the same Me and you, we got hurt by the lies that we won't ever work But it's fate

(...)

So I can cover you from danger A consented dedication

(...)

It's as natural as breathing An everlasting dedication

Good to me - SEVENTEEN

Yeah, when you were making that sign in my heart It was a long time since my firewall broke down Pass with the password What in the world do you know about me? Are my deep feelings seen by you?

Hiraishin - Keyakizaka46

(To trust is to be betrayed, to open one’s heart is to get hurt So to avoid being struck by lightning-like sorrow…)

Which side am I picking? Ah, these values are hard to handle That’s why I won’t stop watching over you Positive positive positive You should just be yourself… I can forgive whatever absurdities you pull off I’ll support you without being noticed Even when you get nitpicked I’ll be your companion Let us now promise to live an unremarkable life hereafter What we have here is the lightning rod of love

Albedo

Falling in love with Albedo is a fairy tale-like experience for both of you. His attention had always been focused on his research, everything else fading into the background save for a few exceptions, until you came around. You, who stole all his attention by just existing.

As an alchemist, he’s naturally the curious type. He wanted to know what about it had caught his attention, what was so special about you that had him clinging to your every word and movement every time you interacted with him. Still, human relationships are hard for him, and he figured you might go away the second he started to feel burnt out from your interactions. But you didn’t. Instead, you stayed. You stayed and took interest on what he did, asked questions, gave your insight, and dragged him to sleep when he needed a break. In exchange, he did the same for you.

Your relationship with Albedo is like one of those awkwardly sweet first time crushes. Of carefully calculated movements, dates and compliments, of soft kisses on lips, hands and cheeks, of mutual support, understanding and mature compromising and commitment.

The Kreideprinz, like everyone else, has his own fears and insecurities, especially regarding his... nature, but he does his best not to let them affect the relationship he has with you. Each moment spent by your side, even when he’s not actively doing any research, is considered perfectly spent, meaningful time.

“A long time ago, I was tasked with finding out the meaning of this world. Though I have directed my efforts and resources to looking for the answer through alchemy, ever since we met I... think, I’ve found an unexpected conclusion to said issue. While it’s likely that this is not the answer expected from me, I’m positive that, at least personally, I finally have the answer.”

Songs:

Futari Saison - Keyakizaka46

In the wind blowing through the city’s streets, even though I caught whiff of something’s scent, I had no interest in looking back

In a 1m radius around me, I formed an invisible barrier to another world And yet, you took someone like me out of it

What made you do that?

Home - SEVENTEEN

What can I do? Without you I’m just an old robot, my heart stops and it’s always cold What can we do? Without me You’ll struggle just as much, so what can we do?

Baby, I want to cherish our warmth So no one can come between us

Flower - SEVENTEEN

You taught me, you showed me You’re my only reason If you can forever remember me I can get hurt, I can get hurt

My heart that’s engraved with your light Makes me stronger Give me your sharp thorns Cause you’re my flower

Oh my! - SEVENTEEN

Sorry for repeating the same thing But this is all I can try using hard words But my true feeling is this, every everything

(...)

How about you? Is it hard for you to sleep because of me too? If you keep making my heart flutter What do I do?

Naze koi wo shite konakattan darou? - Sakurazaka46

Why hadn't I fallen in love? I've been making fun of it all this time I mean everyone keeps saying 'I love you' just like cats in heat But after falling in love I realized what people live for To meet, to love, to the point of nothing but... I'm not myself, I want to find my true self.

#xiao x reader #aether x reader #scaramouche x reader #albedo x reader #genshin x reader #genshin x y/n #genshin impact headcanon #genshin imagines #genshin impact imagines #first post yay #why is albedo's so long tho he's not even my favorite out of them lol #melodywritings #fluff #genshin impact x reader #melwritesgenshin

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nekoannie-chan · 2 years

Text

Did you love him?

Pairing: Steve Rogers X OFC (Kathleen).

Word count: 1058 words.

Summary: Steve is nervous about the next mission, because it was to catch his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend.

Warnings: Jealousy.

A/N: This is my entry to @buckysbirdie’s Birdie’s Ice Cream Shop Writing Challenge with the next ice cream:

Sugar cone: Steve Rogers and mention of plastic bowl: other MCU character.

Flavor Vanilla: Original.

Topping: Salty Candy category: angst prompts:

“You really loved him, didn’t you?”

@saiyanprincessswanie

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistakes, please let me know and I will correct them.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics be posted in other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other's people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

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If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

Tags: @sinceimetyou @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad @navybrat817 @angrythingstarlight @shield-agent78 @charmed-asylum @pandaxnienke @real-fbi @smokeandnailz @white-wolf1940 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @xoxonotme @bluemusickid @leyannrae @harrysthiccthighss @marvelatthisone @hallecarey1 @caplanbuckybarnes @nana1000night

August 2014

Steve felt that the new missions were overwhelming them, barely and spent time with Kath, although he couldn't help but worry, he feared that might cause problems in their relationship after everything they had lived.

He took the next folder with documents from the next mission, and for a few seconds he froze, he did not expect what he was reading, although it did not seem strange to him either; however, if he was worried about how Kath was going to feel, maybe she should not go on that mission. She knew she had been shattered after discovering that her ex-boyfriend was part of HYDRA.

He was to go talk to her, that mission would begin the following week, he got up and left his office to go to where she was. He swallowed when he saw that she was reading the same documents.

"Are you okay?" Steve asked cautiously.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Kathleen didn't take her eyes off the papers. It was nothing unexpected, she just didn't think it was so soon, not after the last event that had happened before Steve asked him to join the Avengers again and start a relationship. Rogers got to see what she was reading.

"You don't need to go on that mission...”

"Steve, I'm the only one who can get them out of any place in case they're in danger or we have to flee," Kathleen said.

"But, doll, I'm worried that...”

"I know this mission is to catch Rumlow. You have nothing to worry about, Steve, I'm going to be fine,” she continued, this time she looked Steve in the eye. I also know that we won't make it at this time, maybe in the future.

"Was it a premonition?" Steve asked.

"No, I didn't have one, but... I know him or I knew him and I know that from some time he will escape so as not to be caught," she replied.

"Kath, I think you should avoid going on this mission," Steve said.

"No, believe me, they're going to regret it if I don't go, I'm your only way to escape if something goes wrong.

Steve watched her for a few seconds, he was afraid to ask the question that appeared in his head, but he had to ask it, he needed to know if he had any reason to worry. “You really loved him, didn't you?” he finally questioned.

"I loved him, yeah, that's true. But not anymore, he betrayed me, he betrayed us all. Steve, you can be completely sure that I love you," she said, Steve smiled upon hearing those words.

The last thing Steve wanted was for them to continue to suffer, they had had enough in recent years, and now it was time to try to be happy.

#birdies ice cream shop #birdiesicecreamshop #Steve Rogers x OFC

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phantomphangphucker · 3 years

Text

Phic Phight: [REDACTED] “Oh Goddamnit. DANNY!”

Prompt Creator: @mr-lancers-english-class

Even Danny’s school projects cause ghostly issues and Lancer really should have seen this coming.

Alright fine, Lancer knew this was a bad idea. He knew it. And yet... here they all are, with each of his students doing their self-chosen presentations. And as he should have expected, Every. Single. One. has been on Phantom. Sure at least there’s been some variety. Star’s piece on his fashion and how that reflects on his personality and the era he died was actually fairly interesting (if it wasn’t for the fact that Phantom spiced up his jumpsuit with t-shirts and whatnot sometimes then this would have been a very boring one). Kwan also surprised him some, apparently he’s spent the past year or so sneaking photos of Phantom eating and did a piece on Phantom’s rather peculiar food tastes (who dips their pickles in milkshakes???) as well as effectively providing proof for the existence of ectoplasmic food (there’s no way any earth apples are neon green on the inside). Dash’s wasn’t even correctly calculated, trying to figure out how far Phantom could throw footballs based on his known strength and if he could kill someone by tackling them (disturbingly the answer -regardless of Dash’s bad math- was decidedly yes. Daniel seemed particularly disturbed). And Paulina’s was quite literally a badly written self-insert ship fan fic; the added drawings of what their child would look like only made it worse (Daniel left, not that Lancer could blame him. Lancer’s also glad for the ghost fight interrupting the presentation). Emilie’s was... disturbingly about ghost hunger and purposed the thesis that Phantom, for the good of the town, should eat the aggressor ghosts (he actually had to cut her off for getting too graphic).

But the single most interesting thing was that a ghost apparently caught wind of this and literally Every. Single. Presentation so far had words that were permanently replaced with [REDACTED], which, needless to say, caused some chaos when Samantha gave the very first presentation.

Lancer clicked his pen, crossing his legs and resting the evaluation sheet on his thigh, “alright, Samantha. Feel free to start whenever you please, though soon would be preferred”, by ‘preferred’ he had meant required, but no need to be mean. He chooses to ignore the goth teen's eyeroll.

Predictably the projected screen doesn’t work when she opens her file so Lancer has to spend ten minutes fiddling with the outdated tech that they wouldn’t give the school funding to replace. Eventually, he does get it up and running showing Ms. Manson’s title screen reading ‘Phantom And Hate Crimes Against Blood Blossoms’. Lancer’s positive ‘blood blossoms’ are a type of flower, figures she would do something nature-focused. She’d make for a great herbalist or botanist someday. He does catch Daniel and Tucker giving her ‘death glares’, as the kids call it, though; Samatha doesn’t look any less smug. The second page has what he thinks was supposed to be a detailed drawing of a flower but it’s severely pixilated, almost as if it been blurred; Samantha looks visibly upset so he’s going to assume something when wrong with the file or pasting format. He’s not marking on artistic capabilities though, so effort is effort there.

She quickly clicks to the next page, where the actual writing of the assignment is and looks decidedly pissed; Lancer even quirks an eyebrow since at least two-thirds of the words are a very bold noticeable [REDACTED]. Lancer watches her yank out her physical copy while glaring with murderous intent at Daniel -Lancer will have to dock him marks if he messed with another student's project- before looking at the physical copy in bafflement for a few seconds. Half the class shrieking when she drops the papers and basically launches herself over the desks at Daniel, “OH YOU LITTLE FUCKER!!!! HOW THE FUCK!”.

Lancer’s sighs and stands, “language, Ms. Manson”, moving to pick up the papers and quirking an eyebrow over them looking the same. Sighing again and eyeing Daniel, who’s being choked -or throttled perhaps?- by Samantha yet is grinning innocently. “Daniel, messing with other students' work is against student policy”, sighing yet again, “and I’ll let Star go while Samantha fixes her document”, summoning up the blonde while glaring at Daniel. Some days that boy was more trouble than he was worth but he was also insanely bright and had a heart of gold. Lancer knows he’ll do good things someday, and that’s why he still tries with him.

Half the class is snickering or laughing now and Star is very clearly trying not to laugh as she sets up.

However, as soon as it opens up the class is met with a very familiar sight. [REDACTED] litters every single page; he checked. And Star’s physical copy was in the same state.

Kwan blinks, “okay seriously, what is going on”, before scrambling to grab out his own physical copy; the rest of the class going wide-eyed and following suit. Lancer just puts his head in his hands and sighs very audibly while shaking his head. Why could nothing go right? Sighing again as the class erupts into noise.

“Mines all weird too!”.

“Same here!”.

“Okay there is no way Fenturd messed up everyone’s work”.

“And I actually tried on mine! It was about the merits of Phantom getting armour!”.

“Oh damn do we just get auto hundreds now? Please please please say yes”.

“Oh damn, Phantom would actually look awesome in armour”.

“I know right”.

“Can we just skip class entirely now?”.

“Oh my Zone a ghost messed with or work”.

“Holy Shit”.

“Wait! Wait! Wait! You don’t think Phantom did do you?”.

“Why the heck would he do that? How would he even know??????”.

“Oh I hope Phantom was inside my computer. That would be so hot”.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe someone told him or he overheard shit. He’s a ghost, he can be invisible. Heck, he could be here, right now, invisible”.

“Invisible and laughing at us”.

“No! No! Hold up! What if he doesn’t want us writing about him or maybe someone wrote some sus shit and he just nerfed us all for good measure”.

“That would mean Phantom totally read my stuff, aw Hell yeah man. That was some boss shit”,

Lancer sighs and stands up, “alright that’s enough”, sighing again because why did this have to happen to him, “and I apologies for blaming you earlier, Daniel”.

Samantha snaps, “oh no, I still blame him”, and continues glaring at the teen. Lancer suspects Samantha would continue blaming the boy even if it was firmly proven he wasn’t at fault.

Addressing the class again, “here’s what we’re going to do, you’re going to read off what of your projects you actually can and allude to the rest. Please reframe from repeating what you know was there beforehand as I’d rather not have whatever ghost responsible -Phantom or otherwise- come here pissed off”, glaring at few students who look slightly encouraged rather than discouraged by that prospect, “anyone who does will receive automatic zeroes”, ah and the encouraged looks have deflated. Good. Gesturing at Star, “you’re already up here, so do continue”. Better to not bring the clearly infuriated Samantha back to the front until she’s had some time to calm down.

Star nods and clears her throat, thankfully everyone quiets down. “O-okay, well, um”, gesturing at the screen, “I did my piece on Phantom’s sense of fashion and the cover image was one with him dressed in one of the Spook Sense stores meme shirts....”.

Lancer shakes away the memory, he honestly slightly regrets giving this project. But regardless right now is Daniel’s turn and Lancer is honestly slightly fearful of what his file is going to look like. Thankfully all their files were saved to his computer before the [REDACTED] debacle, so no one could go back in and edit theirs to add [REDACTED]’s for an easy grade. Lancer’s still not exactly sure how he’s supposed to mark assignments that were anywhere from one-fifth to one-third [REDACTED]. That word will be burned into his head after this grading period.

Lancer moves to find the boys file, but stares when clicking it crashes the computer. Not once. Not twice. But thrice. The fourth time rebooting the computer he inspects the file and is a bit dumbfounded, “Daniel, your entire file’s corrupted. The file type has even been changed to redacted, which I’m fairly sure, isn’t actually any possible file designation”. Everyone’s silent for a bit before bursting out into laughter.

“Just what the Zone did you write, Danny!”.

“Oh we so have to know what this is now”.

“Danny has the forbidden knowledge! We haft found him! The keeper of things forbidden and Ghostly! Haza!”.

“Ha! It was probably so lame that Phantom wanted to save him the embarrassment”.

Lancer sighs, but Daniel gestures Tucker up, “hey Tuck, feel like trying to fix the file”. Tucker chuckles and walks up, though apparently glaring at the boy. Based on Daniel’s smirk he finds this quite amusing.

Tucker does manage to make the file viewable at least. Lancer nods and leans back in his seat, “thank you, Mr. Foley”, while the file loads on screen.

Tucker sits back down with a head shake while Daniel stands at the front and gestures to the screen, “aight, as you can see from my not redacted title-”, that earns a couple laughs, “I did mine on Phantom’s portfolio of crime. Every single time our dear Phantom broke ghost law. Including such wonderful things as, that time he caused not one, not two, not even three, but five, prison breaks in one day. Or that time he invalidated a Observant spectator duel by bringing an inflatable sword”. Samantha slams a hand on her desk, “IT IS YOUR FAULT YOU DICK!”.

Lancer has some serious questions as Daniel clicks for the next page, the entire class going dead silent as a screen comprising of almost nothing but the word [REDACTED] shows. Lancer sighs very audibly. Eventually the class starts up again.

“Fenton... actually has forbidden knowledge”.

“If it wasn’t for the teacher computer saved thing I’d think he was fucking with us”.

“I mean... he is a Fenton, right?”.

“Okay the fact that this entire presentation is on ghost crimes is concerning alone. But they’re forbidden ghost crimes at that”.

“Shit I wanted the tea. Damnit”.

“Better question, how does Danny know?”.

Daniel clicking the button to go forward is very audible. And, Chicken Soup For The Soul, every single page is [REDACTED] to the point of being completely and utterly unintelligible. There are occasional lines pointing out how Phantom apparently ate confetti at a ghosts third wedding (which is apparently illegal for some reason) or that time he beat someone up with a violin that had a pie inside it (Lancer can see this one, Lancer himself has smacked a ghost with stranger). Literally the only photo that isn’t blurred beyond recognition is one of Phantom in a prison uniform (Paulina was very vocal about liking men in uniform here). Lancer is absolutely positive the end of his conclusion ‘[REDACTED] are a bunch of [REDACTED]’ is an insult.

Samantha chucks a boot at his smirking face, “YOU IDIOT. Of course they were going to block you from talking about them. Ancients, I can’t believe you”. Tucker’s busy laughing into his hand.

“Oh my Zone, they know too”.

“They’re really earning that weirdo trio title, huh”.

Daniel snickers as he sits back down, “they broke into my room and wrecked that epic puzzle I was working on. They shoulda seen this shit coming. Literally”. Tucker snorts, “they probably did but couldn’t do anything else about it. They can’t stop you and your endless bullshit”.

“Damn fucking straight”.

Lancer isn’t going to claim to know what exactly they’re talking about but apparently Daniel effectively orchestrated this entire fiasco just to annoy some ghost. Lancer is honestly more impressed than disturbed. A for effort but an A- for making everyone's work nigh unusable.

End.

Prompt: For the last project of their senior year in high school, Mr. Lancer is letting his class do presentations on literally whatever topic they want. He is very, /very/ sure that this is going to go poorly, but that's a problem for later...

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inomios · 4 years

Text

Beauty behind the madness || levi ackerman x reader || PART I

Summary: “You knew that under all of his layers of grief and rage there was something worth loving; he knew that under your easy smiles and sweet words there was something dark lurking. He wanted all of you and you wanted all of him.”

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Words: 7,4K

TG: Brief allusion to soldiers’ suicides; little description of a panic attack on the seventh part (I can’t feel my face); brief talk about death and addiction; and even though I wrote it all using gender neutral terms, at some point I used the term girlfriend because partner sounded too cold for the situation.

- If you are triggered by some content that I haven’t mentioned, please tell me so I can add it to the list and prevent it from happening again.

Author’s note: Mushing my favorite album with my comfort character is being so much fun. I’m enjoying so much this process you wouldn’t believe it. The second part will be up next Tuesday, and it’ll be the ending. Please, share, comment and like if you enjoyed, it would mean the world to see your reactions and impressions. As always, English is not my mother language, so sorry for the mistakes.

. . .

1. REAL LIFE

He had carved on his soul, heart and mind the words that Kenny had once told him, back when he was a scared and weak kid under his wing in the Underground, back when Kenny had caught him crying in the dead of night over his mother.

‘Boy, you won’t survive a day with that attitude. Your mother was a whore and now she’s a dead whore, get over it. You don’t have time to mop over her, crying is for people who have nothing more important to worry about.’

Kenny, for better or for worse, had taught him many lessons that became the key to his survival, advices he would never forget, and this was one of them: ‘Grieving is a waste of time.’

Every second he cried over his mother was time he could have spent granting his sorrowful existence. He couldn’t let his grief control him, because missing his mother wouldn’t make him last another day, she couldn’t protect him now that she was gone. So, for better or for worse, he let his sadness and rage aside and started focusing on what was important: survival.

Grieve is a tricky feeling, it makes you think you can control it, while it just keeps bottling up until it explodes, and you better be ready for when that happens, because you may not be able to fix the mess it’s going to leave behind.

Levi thought he had masqueraded his feelings pretty well, he tried to shrug everything off, as if nothing mattered to him, but it did, and Kenny knew it and he loved to tease him about it, he loved to press his buttons, Levi had learned that pretty soon in the relationship, but he was trying to handle his feelings, he wanted to prove Kenny he was worthy of his time, that he was strong, that he wasn’t weak, not anymore. So, whenever Kenny tried to get a reaction out of him, he kept his mouth shut, but he couldn’t water down the fire in his grey eyes and Kenny could see it, he always could.

‘You are as worthless as your mother, maybe I should leave you in a brothel too, then you would be useful for something.’

A loud howling laughter.

Levi’s brow twitched.

‘Did your mom have time to teach you how to read or was she too busy fucking half the Underground?’

He thought he had said something hilarious. He bent over his back.

Levi had a little knife clutched in his hand. He was starting to see red.

‘You’re as worthless as your mother.’

He was pushing him to his limits.

Levi had already passed them.

He liked to think that there was a dark abyss inside of him, a bottomless place where he could hide all his emotions and thoughts, they were useless, so he ignored them, he kept them away, far from the surface. Levi thought that he could detach from his pain, but it was a part of him, and if you stare into the abyss for too long, the abyss stares back at you. The Levi who grieved was still there, looking at him, the Levi who felt too much but said nothing wanted to get out, so he did, he escaped from the abyss and took control.

He run towards Kenny, eyes gleaming with unshed tears, knife in his hand, aiming for his heart, but Kenny was faster, quicker on his feet, he moved just in time. However, Levi still managed to scratch his shoulder, he teared his shirt and he could see the blood slipping, tainting the white fabric.

Kenny got mad. Levi had never seen him that furious. He grabbed his scrawny body and gave him the beating of his life. When he ended, Levi couldn’t even move, he was lying on the floor on a puddle of his own blood.

‘Listen kid, I don’t give a fuck about your shitty problems. You think you’re special? Guess what, you are a piece of shit, just like everyone else. Everyone here has issues, solve them or do whatever you want to do with them, but don’t you ever dare to pull a stunt like that again, because I’ll will leave you here to die, boy.’

That was the second lesson Kenny had told him: ‘Control is vital.’

He thought that by ignoring his feelings he was controlling them, but he was wrong, he realized that when those bottled emotions caused him to be bed ridden a few days.

Instead, he decided to let his feelings out in really calculated moments, he started to canalize all his rage into more productive stuff, like cleaning. He liked to think that by cleaning he had control over something, there was something cathartic to him in scrubbing floors, doing the laundry, and mopping floors. It was the Underground, it was filthy no matter how much effort he put into it, but it gave him something he could focus on, something he could use to let his frustrations out.

So, he cleaned, for his mother who deserved a better live.

For the innocent child that he once was, who had been stripped from everything he loved.

For Kenny, who he despised and was cruel and ruthless.

For all the things he had to do to survive.

He cleaned and cleaned, and he never had an outburst again. He was in control.

Looking back, he is sure that part of Kenny’s fury that day was that a kid made him bleed. You see, Kenny liked to think of himself as some kind of god, a ruler, someone who could control everybody, someone who was holding your fate between his calloused hands. And when he hurt Kenny, both of them realized two things, especially Levi, who discovered this: ‘Gods bleed to.’

Levi learnt his third lesson that day. No one could control him, the same way he couldn’t control anyone. You are the one who makes the decisions, just be sure to choose one you won’t regret. Kenny had no power over him, he wasn’t a god and if he was, Levi wouldn’t bow down to him.

Kenny learnt that Levi, that child, had a fire within he couldn’t tame, Levi wasn’t going to be a submissive, brainless follower. He had potential, he had willpower, he didn’t really need him, but the boy didn’t know it yet. So, when the moment came, he left. He had grown to care about his nephew, at least a little, but Levi was a survivor and Kenny knew he would fight with teeth and claws until the very end. Therefore, Kenny left him with the only person who could protect him: Levi himself.

When Kenny left him at his own, alone again in the Underground, he learnt his fourth lesson: ‘Love is a risk he wasn’t going to take again.’

2. LOSERS

Stupid is next to ‘I love you.’ He was pretty fucking sure of that.

He made a bow to himself: he wasn’t going to love anyone ever again, people are bound to leave, and whenever they left, they took away a part of him, and he was already too broken for that. However, life happens, and it turns everything upside down, it doesn’t ask for consent, so his plan of never loving again was ruined sooner than he would’ve liked.

Furlan came first. He wasn’t looking for a companion, at all. A companion meant more people to care about, a distraction, and he didn’t need any of that. However, Furlan managed to convince him that he could be useful to him. Whenever he looks back, he thinks that both of them knew that Levi didn’t need anyone, he could survive on his own, he was tougher than anyone else in the Underground, but he was alone, so alone, and a part of him yearned so much for someone that he let Furlan come with him.

Their relationship was weird at first, not sure where the boundaries of the other laid, what they could do or don’t. Furlan didn’t want to overstep and piss off Levi and Levi didn’t want to overshare with him, he didn’t want to show him his weaknesses, but at the same time he wanted to spend time with him.

He remembers that there were moments when Levi desired to say something, talk about pointless stuff, but he never did, after Kenny he was deprived of human contact that he even thought that he had lost his voice. However, as time passed them by, they fell into some type of routine, boundaries became clearer. Furlan started to get Levi, how he would never start a conversation no matter how bad he wanted; how his mind was always plotting something; how he always had an ace upon his sleeve… Furlan grew fond on him, he knew that there was a lot Levi wasn’t telling him, but from time to time he got to see a glimpse of all the man he was under his façade and layers of secrets, and he wanted to learn about him, he wanted to be his friend, he wanted to have someone to help and he wanted someone to take care of him, he wanted to stay.

On the other hand, Levi liked how Furlan seemed to know when he could talk and joke around and when he had to stay silent, it was like he understood him, Furlan was prudent and chill, thinking before acting, and he knew when to fight and when to give up. Levi started to care about him, a lot, against his better judgement, he just hoped he wouldn’t regret his choice.

Then, Isabel appeared on scene. Levi was happy enough with Furlan, he didn’t need someone else to worry about, that was more trouble, more chances to get hurt. However, he soon found he had a soft spot for the girl. She was so energetic, so bubbly, eyes always gleaming with hope, she was a ray of light in the darkest place. She was messy, reckless and wild, she balanced them out. When she asked to join them, Levi wanted to let out one of his characteristic ‘Tch’ and turn his back on her, there was no room for compassion in the Underground, but he couldn’t, he was weaker than he thought. He couldn’t leave her at her own knowing she could get herself killed, he didn’t want to be like Kenny, he wasn’t going to be like him.

The three of them became a gang, well, not just a gang, a family too. They looked after each other, they looked after Levi, just like his mother did. They were the best criminals in the Underground, and sometimes Levi felt like a god with the world at his feet. He shouldn’t have forgotten his third lesson: ‘Gods bleed too.’ He thought they were invincible, they weren’t, they were no gods, life wouldn’t bend at their will.

When Isabel and Furlan died, he didn’t even have proper bodies to bury, he just did two little makeshift graves and carved their name on the gray stone. He was the only person who would remember them, so he visited them at least once a week (he still does), mainly during his sleepless nights, when no one would ever question or notice his absence. Talking with them was the only reason why he hadn’t given up long time ago, he was their leader, he told them to always keep going, to never back down.

So, he kept going, for his mother, for Isabel and for Furlan. For the only people who ever loved him.

Maybe he didn’t really keep going, maybe he just let life pass by, what mattered was that he was alive and fighting for a purpose, he owed them that, their deaths wouldn’t be in vain.

Why did he always have to lose everything?

Why there was nothing good in store for him?

He was bound to lose to lose everything.

Stupid is next to I love you.

He was so fucking foolish.

3. TELL YOUR FRIENDS

The mission had been a carnage, a lot of fallen soldiers. He could still hear their screams and see the fear in their eyes, more images to haunt him while he was sleeping, as if they weren’t already enough. He couldn’t save anyone, he never could, he was human after all, even if some people thought about him like a god.

He had had a problem with his ODM gear during the mission, the gas cylinders were failing and wasting too much gas, so he ran out of it pretty quickly, which costed him a seven meters fall, breaking his right leg, his left arm, a few ribs and a concussion in the process. He could have died and a part of him wished he had, then, the pain would have ended. Luckily, Hange arrived just in time to help him, he still thinks that maybe they knew what was going on in his head, that he had thought about giving up right there, and that’s why as soon as they arrived back home, they sent him to the infirmary, not wanting to leave him alone. Hange still says it was because he couldn’t take proper care of his injuries by himself. They both knew he had had it way worse than that.

The infirmary was clean, and that meant a lot according to his standards, but your desk wasn’t, not at all and it was driving him crazy, if he could, he would get up and clean it himself. However, you seemed unphased by it, every day you would drop more documents on your table (but no document ever left, they just kept piling up); he had seen you drop coffee on some paper and not giving a fuck a single fuck about it; you had seven books on your table, none of them related with medicine, you just had them there because you wanted; and if you asked him what irked him the most, he would say the brush, you had a brush in your desk and it was full of hair. He couldn’t get his eyes of your desk, and if you ever noticed, you never did anything about it; or maybe you did notice and since you are a little shit, you just wanted to see how far you could go before he went feral. We will never know.

If you had been any other person, like one of the members of his squad, he would have said something way earlier, but you weren’t his subordinate, you were a medic and as far as he knew, he didn’t have the right to scold you at your own workplace.

You were competent, you just talked when necessary and you would always ask him if he wanted something, no matter how many times he had said ‘no’ and whenever Hange came to visit, you would always talk with them and ask them about their experiments and research. Hence, Hange thought you were the sweetest person ever, they had even told him that he better not be giving you any trouble.

You both had an easy routine. You would come in first hour in the morning, trying to be silent with no success at all, you were so noisy, luckily for him, he never sleeps more than four hours. You would sit on your desk and write a letter, every day, who the fuck had so many people to talk to or how many things worth telling did happen in your life? Then, you would go out to get him breakfast and you brought more documents with yourself, his breakfast always came with a cup of tea, a shitty cup of tea, but at least it wasn’t coffee or juice, he didn’t know if you were the one behind the tea, but if you were, he was glad you didn’t work on the kitchen. After breakfast, Hange would pay him a visit and talk with him, his squad would often visit him after training and Erwin once or twice a week, whenever his work let him a little free. At midday you would water the plants on the window, you had once called them ‘Asphodels’ and after watering them you disappeared, at the beginning he thought you just went to eat, later on, he would find why you did that. The rest of the day was the same, you wrote and read documents and he would either look annoyed at your desk or he would vert his gaze at the window to distract himself.

This routine changed the second week, because you asked him two questions that made him be more comfortable around you.

‘Why do you look at my desk as if it were making you sick?’

‘Tch, because is making me sick, it’s dirty as fuck.’

Okay, not the best words, but you asked, and he answered. He would be lying if he said he didn’t feel better after telling you. You blushed a little and scratched your neck bashfully.

‘Sorry, I can be a little messy sometimes.’

‘I can see.’

That day you spent the evening emptying your desk, any other person would have asked you not to bother, but Levi couldn’t care, after all, his last thread of sanity depended on that desk. When you finished cleaning, you asked the second question.

‘You hate my tea, but you drink it anyways, why?’

He felt his ears getting a little red, and he just shrugged and looked away.

‘You are taking care of me, didn’t wanna be a bitch about it.’

You smiled, a smile brighter than the morning star, and for a fraction of second he forgot how the breath, but he obviously didn’t say a thing about it.

‘I promise you that tomorrow you’ll have the best tea ever.’

‘Tch, if you say so.’

He appreciated your gesture, kindness wasn’t something he was used to, it felt weird and strange to have someone to do good things just for the sake of doing them, it made him wary, he would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought that maybe you wanted to get something from him and that’s why you acted so nicely around him.

The next day, after writing your daily letter, at your then clean desk, you brought him breakfast with a steaming cup of tea. He drank the beverage under your expecting gaze and to his surprise it was nice, not the best tea ever made, but definitely not the worst.

‘It tastes better.’

‘Thanks, this time I followed the recipe.’ You admitted proudly.

‘How the fuck were you even making tea before?’

‘Instinct?’

He looked at you astonished, how come you were a doctor, but you couldn’t follow a three-step recipe? At that moment he thought his health was in the hands of dumbest medic in the area, however, he didn’t really care, well, at least not as much as he would have expected. You had something, an aura around your persona, that was soothing and endearing, rather than infuriating.

At the crack of dusk on that same day, he was the one who asked a question.

‘Who are you always writing?’

For a moment he swears he saw your happy demeanor quivering, as if he had opened a cage that should have remained closed, but you quickly fixed, the funny glint coming back at your eyes as fast as it had left. It was in that moment when he knew that you weren’t as shallow as he may have deemed you to be.

‘I’m just telling my friends about this annoying patient I have. Do you know he made me clean my office desk?’

Your voice was laced with amusement, you were trying to divert his attention to another topic, and he knew, but he was no one to press you about it.

‘Well, as soon as I’m free, I’m telling my friends about how my medic is a fucking shitshow.’ Too blunt, but you brushed it off.

‘They sound like a nightmare.’

‘They are.’

You smiled, yet again as blinding as the sun.

He didn’t smile, he didn’t even grimace, his face was as stoic as always, but for a split of second, a smile nearly slipped in.

To his surprise, he actually talked about you to his friends. When he had the medical lease, the first thing he did was visit Isabel and Furlan’s impromptu graves and talk about you. It wasn’t a lot, he just mentioned you a few times. It didn’t mean a thing, and at the same time, it meant everything.

4. OFTEN

It didn’t mean a thing.

Not a single thing.

It was unimportant.

He was like that with everyone.

Except he wasn’t and he knew it.

What the hell was wrong with him?

He would always find himself at your door, not because he was sick or harmed, he just felt the need to see you. He didn’t even talk with you that much, he wasn’t good at opening up or even small talk. He was foul-mouthed, snarky and his words could cut deeper than a knife. You were soft, kind, funny and there weren’t uncomfortable silences with you, your presence was comforting. Levi didn’t get why he felt that way about you, he barely knew you, but you had something that drew him in, maybe it was the normalcy you brought him. You were a doctor, you healed people, you tended their injuries; you hadn’t seen the titans, you hadn’t seen comrades die at their merciless hands, you didn’t know what was outside the walls and he liked that. You were an escape. It was as if his life was only centered around Titans and his existence had no other point but to kill or think about to kill Titans: Hange were always babbling about Titans; his paperwork was always a painful reminder of fallen mates; Erwin was always tracing missions and plans; and the whole point of his squad was training to defeat those beasts. He never had a break, but visiting you felt like it.

He knocked at your door and it opened, you were at your desk, which was an unorganized mess then again, humming some song he didn’t know while you were reading some medical reports. And the asphodels in the window looked beautiful as always.

‘Hi, Levi.’ You looked up and gave him a smile.

Your smiles.

Oh man, he took them in like a dehydrated man would savor the first droplets of rain.

He just nodded as a salute and walked towards the window to see the asphodels.

‘Why asphodels?’ he asked, you loved those flowers, and they weren’t necessary the most beautiful.

To him you were more like yellow lilies, he had read somewhere that yellow lilies meant joy and happiness. They always brought a simile to one’s face because they are the true depiction of the sun, just like you were.

‘I don’t know, they are special’ you said with a small voice, the same haunted look in your eyes, the same that appeared when he asked about your letters.

‘I guess they are.’

A comfortable silence fell in the room. He was getting used to these havens of peace.

That night at dinner, he was sitting next to Erwin, Hange in front of him, looking at him quizzically.

‘What’s going between you and y/n? You’re always at their place.’ They ask.

‘Tch, nothing, I just visit them often.’

Lies

‘So, there is no ulterior motive, like, I don’t know, our Short king having a crush?’ Levi sometimes forgot how punchable Hange’s face was.

‘No.’

More lies.

Something was going on, they both knew, but he was too scared to think about what it was.

5. THE HILLS

Another fight. More deaths. What was the point of it? He felt like he was fighting for a pointless cause, the more deaths, the less they knew. He would have to send more letters to the families, telling them that their sons and daughters fought bravely until their last breath and sacrificed their lives for the sake of humanity. However, broken families would come to him and ask him if it was worth it, if the death of their children, cousins, brothers and parents brought them answers, if their deaths meant that humanity was closer to taste the freedom they longed for. He had always said that no death was in vain, but he was starting to question that.

He had barely seen you after the mission, he retreated to his quarters, drowning himself in reports and regrets, if he had been better, he could have saved more lives, but he wasn’t enough, he was no hero, he was a human. He had been fighting his whole life and he just wanted it to stop, he wanted peace and tranquility, not more deaths at his shoulders, no more ghosts to haunt him at the end of the day.

He never slept, at least not for more than a few hours. However, after a mission he didn’t sleep at all, the images of his comrades’ deaths still fresh on his mind, their screams still piercing his ears, his sanity vanished a little bit more every time he tried to close his eyes, so he just laid awake looking at the roof, thinking about all the things he could have done to save them, repeating their names as if he was asking for their forgiveness.

Sometimes it all got too much, and he needed to walk to clear his mind, there were nights when he walked for hours with no direction at all, but that night he did have a direction: your office. He didn’t really know why he was doing it, but he was too tired to turn back and ask himself why you. He thought that you would probably be asleep, but to his surprise there was a dim light coming from your office, so he knocked, just like all of those times before, and your soft voice told him to come in.

He had never seen you so disheveled and tired, dark bags under your eyes, traces of tears on your face and bloodshot eyes. He also noticed four new asphodels on your desk. He looked at them and then he looked at you. He wanted to ask, but he couldn’t, so you spoke.

‘My regrets follow you to the grave.’ He barely heard you.

‘What?’

‘That’s what asphodels mean, you asked me about them once, you remember?’

He nodded, that’s all he could do.

‘I couldn’t save them, I tried, but I wasn’t good enough.’ You broke down to tears.

He wasn’t good at processing his own emotions, let alone other people’s. What was he supposed to do? He knew that people hugged to show support, but as he would say, he was ‘emotionally constipated’, so he just stayed there, looking at you.

Do something.

But he remained stiff, it was like watching the scene happen in third person.

‘I’m sorry, I know this is making you uncomfortable, it’s just that it’s been a long day.’

‘It’s been a long day for me to.’ His voice was hoarse. ‘You told me that asphodels mean ‘my regrets follow you to the grave’, that’s why you have them? Because you feel guilty?’

‘I plant one for every soldier that dies on my watch.’ That was the first time you opened up with him.

‘I keep the badges of their uniforms.’ That was the first time he opened up with you.

Right then everything shifted.

‘It wasn’t your fault.’ He knew those feelings, the remorse and the guilt, he was so painfully familiar with them that they had become a part of his being.

‘It wasn’t your fault either, Levi.’

It wasn’t your fault either.

Your words echoed in his mind like a drum and for a moment he believed them.

You came closer and you wrapped your arms around him, he tried to respond, embracing you in strangely, you laughed at his antics and in that moment, he wanted to disappear. You smiled and you readjusted his arms around your waist. He brought you closer, slowly, not wanting to scare you away and break the moment. You laid your head in his chest, right above his heart, and he hoped you couldn’t hear his heart beating wildly. He hid his face in the crook of your neck, his breath tickling your skin and your smell intoxicating him. For a moment he felt like home, even though he didn’t understand what ‘being home’ meant, but it had to be very similar to that: comforting, reassuring, peaceful, safe.

That night, he spent what felt like hours holding you, until you had to part separate ways, the only witnesses were the asphodels and the hills at the distance.

6. ACQUAINTED

What are we?

Levi couldn’t stop asking himself that question.

Friends didn’t have what you two had. Maybe he wasn’t the most amicable person, but he had had some friends in his life: he once had Isabel and Furlan when he was younger, and now he had Hange and Erwin, and maybe he could even consider his squad friends. And none of what he felt for them was like what he felt for you.

He tried to make sense of his thoughts by writing them, but words weren’t his forte and he just ended more and more confused.

You were nice.

You were beautiful.

You made him laugh, well, not laugh, but close enough.

You were kind.

He appreciated you, he cared for you and he wanted to protect you, but he also felt the same towards Erwin, Hange and his squad. Then, if it was the same, why it was completely different.

He kept visiting you, everything looked like it was the same, but everything had changed. It felt like the calm before the storm, as if something was about to happen, the tides were shifting, he could feel it. There were words unsaid lingering in the atmosphere and sooner or later, someone would have to utter them. But who? And if you spoke them, what would he say?

He also spent a lot of his time thinking about that too, if you happened to confess your feelings for him, if you had them, would he be able to respond them? Normal people would try, give it a shot and see what would happen, what the relationship had in store, let things flow; but he wasn’t normal, he was far from normal, he knew he wasn’t the easiest to love. He was rude, mean, a control freak, he wasn’t the one for big displays of affection, he was the last person someone would want as a partner. People yearned for epic love stories, something that could take your breath away and he wouldn’t be able to do that, he wouldn’t be able to give you the bare minimum.

Also, after all the people he had lost, he didn’t want your name to be added to that list. He preferred the uncertainty of your relationship than the possibility of losing you. If he left more people in, more people he could lose. He wasn’t stupid, he knew you were already in, but there were still boundaries between both of you.

He had also fantasized about laying himself bare in front of someone, share all of his trauma and memories, share the burden with someone, but who would love all of him? If he couldn’t even stand himself most of the days, how could he expect that someone would do it?

‘If you were a flower, I think you would be a gladiolus.’ You would always blurt nonsense out of the blue, but for some reason, he found it endearing instead of annoying.

‘Tch, what’s even that supposed to mean?’

‘I don’t know, it’s just, gladius symbolize strength, generosity, faithfulness and I guess those are things I associate with you.’ Your cheeks were tainted with the softest tones of red and you weren’t looking at him, your gaze was fixed on your paperwork.

Those words had a way deeper meaning, he knew it and you knew it, it was as if you were testing the water by putting the tips of your feet in it. As per usual he didn’t know what to say, what was he supposed to say to that? Thanks? I think I may be falling for you?

‘Sorry, I made things weird, I should just-’ you couldn’t finish because he had started talking.

‘I think you would be a yarrow flower.’ Amazing, now he was the one talking nonsense.

Not so long ago he pictured you as yellow lilies, joy and happiness, but after getting to know you better, he realized that that description was too shallow for what you meant to him. He didn’t know a lot about flowers, he wasn’t really into botany, but he had heard about yarrow before, he had heard merchants inside Sina call them ‘plant doctor’, since they would be often placed near other plants to keep the pests away, he had also heard that it was considered invasive too, because how easily it spread. Therefore, the association came quickly to him, you were healing, a solace from the cruelty of his world; and you were invasive, because he couldn’t be away from you, you consumed him.

‘That means a lot.’ Your blush was now more pronounced now and he wondered what you had made out of his words.

He felt a wave of panic travel through his body, maybe that statement was too deep, maybe he screwed it all, so he decided to excuse himself and ran away from the situation he had created. He had told you he was going to his room, he lied, he was going to the library, he needed to see what his words had meant. He wasted all his evening looking for books about the meaning of flowers, he sure looked like a madman, he hadn’t even gone to the Mess Hall to have dinner, he needed to found answers, and he found them at two a.m.

“The secret language of flowers” said the title, he opened the book and he started looking for the yarrow’s meaning.

Healing and Good Health

Courage and War

Everlasting Love

When he read the last symbolism of the flower, his heart stopped for a whole minute, did he just declare his feelings, that he wasn’t ever sure of, to you? He wanted to disappear in the spot, just vanish into the air.

He went to his room, holding the book close to his chest. He spent the rest of the night reading the book, he wouldn’t mess up again, if he ever wanted to talk about flowers with you, he would be informed. When the sun rose, his head was buzzing with flower meanings, and he would be lying if he said that he hadn’t thought about you while reading some of them.

At breakfast he did go to the Mess Hall and took his usual place.

‘Where were you yesterday at dinner?’ asked Erwin.

‘With his girlfriend.’ Replied Hange with a big smile.

‘She’s not my girlfriend.’ He said with a grunt.

‘What are they then?’ Hange was using the tone, the one which meant “I know you’re hiding something, and I won’t stop pestering you until I discover it.”

‘We are just acquainted.’

‘Liar.’

7. CAN’T FEEL MY FACE

He remembered how there were days when Kenny would drink himself to oblivion, Levi didn’t understand why he did it. He didn’t see the point of passing out in the floor, and when he asked, Kenny answered that ‘his vices kept him sane’. It still made no sense to him, how a man could be so cunning and sharp, while he wasted his nights and days with alcohol, women and many other things that Levi wasn’t interested on trying. He had seen Kenny drunk and it was far from having control. The first lesson Kenny had told him was that control is vital, then, how come he was powerless in his own life, letting alcohol take control of him.

‘You’re old enough to try it, boy. Take some if you want.’

The first time Kenny offered him alcohol, he had declined, he had said no, and Kenny had shrugged it off, as if saying: ‘more for me.’ He wouldn’t get it, it didn’t make sense, Kenny, who prided himself on his cold-blood and his steel nerves, would renounce to that control so easily, he didn’t want to be like that, never in a million years, he would never give up his self-control.

Until he did.

He had lost control. And he now understood Kenny.

He knew he should distance himself from you, he didn’t want more Furlan’s and Isabel’s, he was getting dangerously close to you and he didn’t want that. He should run away, disappear. You were kind and sweet, you would find someone else to feel the void he would inevitably leave. He had always been the one being left behind, and he survived, you would too. Also, it’s not as if he contributed a lot to your life. He was sure you both would be better with the other far away, I mean, the facts were there. Actually, they had been spiraling in his head for a while.

Then, if he knew all of that, why was he helping you cut clean bandages, especially so close to you that he could smell your shampoo? Oh yeah, because you asked him to, as easy as that, all his conviction melted away from every fiber of his body.

Why did he do that? Why was he so helpless around you? Oh yeah, because you made him feel so damn good. You had him wrapped around your finger and you didn’t seem to notice, you acted as if it was nothing, you had power over him, you had Humanity’s Strongest at his knees.

‘My family died a long time ago, I couldn’t save them, I moved in with my aunt and I decided that I’d study medicine for them.’ You said out of the blue.

You cut one bandage.

‘The letters I write are for them. It’s stupid, but it makes me feel closer to them.’

You cut another bandage.

He didn’t say a thing.

He hated himself, any other person would have hugged you or said something, he just stayed there, frozen and acting as cold as always. Why did you confide in him something so personal? He wasn’t the one to go when you are sad, he didn’t even know how to process his own trauma and baggage most of the time. What was he supposed to do?

On the other hand, you trusted Levi more than anyone in your life. He brought you peace and solace, something you thought you would never have.

You lost your family when you were really young, always feeling guilty for being the one who survived, and you promised to yourself you would vow your life to help the others, never putting your needs first. When you joined the military, you watched many soldiers die on your hands, you could still hear their last words, how scare they were, how they didn’t want to die like that, alone and far away from their family; you could also recall their mutilated bodies; and you could also remember how many of them would survive the Titans but lose the fights against their own mind and end up being another fallen soldier that died for nothing. You loved your job, but it also killed a part of you every day, there were no victories on a war, and you knew it. That’s why you picked up gardening, you planted a flower for every soldier who died, something to remember them.

When you met Levi, you admired him, you had heard the stories about him, his courage, mood changes, sharp tongue, skills, intelligence… You would be lying if you said he didn’t make you curious, you were used to soldiers haunted by the horrors they had faced, but something about him was different, maybe because you saw yourself in those grey eyes. You two were similar, you both had so much pent up that you could not talk about, you had an image to keep, and it was exhausting. He had a name to uphold, people looked up to him, if he failed, if he crumbled, everyone else would; you were a doctor, and no matter how hard things were, you had to be strong for your patients, never showing how much their pain took a toll on you. You could let your mask down, because even though he didn’t talk too much or overall understand why you were sharing that, it felt good, liberating.

Sometimes, he would also talk about him, not a lot, but enough to make you feel understood, and those moments, when he showed the man underneath the façade, glimpses of his true persona, those few minutes, sometimes even seconds, were responsible for your growing feelings for the captain.

‘It’s not stupid, I talk to my dead friends’ graves.’ He said nonchalantly, as if he wasn’t baring a piece of him in front of you.

Those kind of flashes of the man he was underneath took your breath away every single time.

You came close to him, slowly, testing the waters, not wanting to scare him away. Maybe it was too forward, too reckless, too much at a time, but he didn’t move. You brought your hand to his cheek. He didn’t jump away. You looked into his eyes, pools of mercury. He held your gaze, expecting your next move. You could feel the tension. He could too.

‘They would be really proud of you.’ You said, voice thin and trembling.

He was silent. Your words caught him of guard.

He was feeling too much. His heartbeat was erratic, beating wildly, he could hear it. He felt the blood boiling under his skin, he was so hot, he was sweating. He couldn’t move, but he felt his body trembling. He could feel the room closing on him, trapping him. He wasn’t in control.

It was a too familiar feeling, one he had experienced a thousand times before.

‘Levi, are you okay? I’m sorry I’ve made you uncomfortable.’ You said worriedly.

He didn’t know what to do, he just wanted the pain in his chest to end.

You were too close. You were trapping him too. So, he pushed you away from you and run from the infirmary. You couldn’t see him like that, no one could.

Why did he share that with you? Why did you get too close? Were you going to kiss him?

Why?

Why was he like that?

Why did he ruin things?

Why did he lose control of himself? He couldn’t even feel his face when you touched it.

He felt pathetic. He felt like the little kid he once was.

Control is vital.

If he was with you, he wasn’t in control. And if he lost his control, then he would have nothing.

He had to get away from you, because you were stripping him from the only thing he had: his control.

#levi ackerman #levi attack on titan #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman imagine #attack on titan #aot fanfiction #levi ackerman headcanons #levi ackerman oneshot #snk #snk fanfiction #shingeki no kyoujin levi #captain levi #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi x reader #aot x reader #snk x reader #levi fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin

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mobagehelllocal · 3 years

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“lucky ending” extra notes i & iii

Hi, I said I would do it but then I released ver i so long ago that I felt I shouldn't do this unless I had another version out at least so yay! finally! ... I'll add ver ii here when I get around to writing it... *shifty eyes* So as usual, this is just my thought process and ideas while writing lol.

*please do not read if you haven’t read “lucky ending” ver i (dorm leaders) & ver iii (rook & lilia).

It was inspired by an anon ask and the button tradition from Japanese schools.

The anon ask went like this: First at all, I like do much your writing and I hope you are doing well. Second, I was wondering what would happen if the MC (Fem!s/o I guess) decided to not go back to her world, like she decide stay with her villain? Can you do make headcanons of this for the dorm leaders? Thank you very much. – from Anonymous

The button tradition, as narrated by the first years, is done when one person confesses and the other responds by giving them the button closest to their heart. In most Japanese uniforms it’s the second uniform, but in Twisted Wonderland--I looked at the ceremonial robes and the closest button should be the fifth. Maybe. I could be wrong.

The songs I listened to while writing this!

The original dorm leaders (and Rook) was written while listening to “Lucky Ending”, the ending theme of Fruits Basket. The English lyrics (translated by otenkiame!) are:

“Change is important. I want to do it well,/ but I wanna cry. It's still bad. I wanna cry”

“The word "goodbye" has disappeared completely from this world/ All that remains is me fooling around next to you/A day you don't laugh won't come anymore”

“I've understood it since being here/ These feelings of wanting to protect you aren't a misunderstanding/ If we can call what connects us bonds,/ everything changes/ everybody changes/ Even if in a different world, it'll never be different/ everything changes/ everybody changes/ Don't change, ever/ Stay here, stay here”

I think it’s obvious why I chose to use this as the title of the series. It’s a story about change but it’s also a story about the things you don’t want to change... And I think it’s not wrong to want to hold onto things.

I also listened to the same playlist that I listened to while writing “wendy?” “hello peter pan”:

“Can’t help falling in love” cover by Annapantsu, “If you’re not the one” by David Beddingfield, “Who Knew” by P!nk and “All Too Well” by Taylor Swift.

For Lilia in particular, I was listening to three Beauty and the Beast songs on loop. “Evermore” by Josh Groban, “Days in the Sun” by the live action cast and, of course--”How does a moment last forever” by Celine Dion.

“How does a moment last forever?/ How can a story never die?/ It is love we must hold onto/ Never easy, but we try/ Sometimes our happiness is captured/ Somehow, our time and place stand still/ Love lives on inside our hearts and always will”

Also for Lilia, Tolerate It by Taylor Swift.

“You're so much older and wiser and I/ I wait by the door like I'm just a kid”

“I made you my temple, my mural, my sky/Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life”

Malleus was definitely the first piece finished. Closely followed by Vil’s. I believe there was a gap inbetween them before I did the others? I wrote bits and pieces of Leona, Idia, Kalim and Azul’s. I think I finished Leona, Idia, Kalim then Riddle because I distinctly remember saving Azul for last.

One of the most important things for me, is that each story stands distinct of each other. So I gave myself a really hard time trying to figure out how each one uniquely belonged to each of the characters.

For the Prologue... I think because it’s set at the graduation of certain characters, I used that to my advantage and implied the stronger bonds between the Yuu!Reader and the entirety of the cast. Because a lot of time has passed and I feel like--regardless of what other people believe, bonds will be made and relationships will have strengthened enough for it to happen.

Riddle is honestly another really difficult character for me to write. I generally do love him and I enjoy his story, but something about him is difficult and I’m not sure why.

I think a part of me is also really miffed because from Heartslabyul-Savanaclaw, you could feel that Riddle really cared for Yuu on some level but then he just straight up disappears come Octavinelle chapter. I feel like there was potential to develop their relationship even more.

He WENT UP AND TIED YOUR RIBBON I REMEMBER I WENT DOKI DOKI OVER THAT.

I feel like because I’ve established that it’s a Yuu!Reader, it’s impossible for this story to not include both Ace and Deuce. So of course they featured in really big roles for this one, being responsible for telling Riddle the story.

I have to thank my friend, Mes, for bouncing ideas with me. They were the one who suggested what I could do with Riddle’s story by having ADeuce play such a big part!

I also tried my hardest to include Trey and Cater, and I’m pretty happy with their cameo. In a way, they definitely helped Riddle figure out his own feelings for you.

My favourite lines are: “I think you earned that much. I don’t believe anyone’s ever been in your situation before so—there’s no right or wrong about what you’re doing. It’s all about what you want to do.”

I wish someone would tell this to Yuu in general though. They’re the only one who has ever been in their situation (to our knowledge at least) and like... they’re definitely allowed to be even more selfish.

Leona is someone who I used to dislike a lot. I never hid that. It’s primarily because of how disappointed I am in the story of Savanaclaw probably. But like, I was always concerned about writing him properly because I thought that it was only right that I did right by him, because there would be people reading these stories who loved him. And I felt like I had to do right by that love.

I think... it’s wrong to believe that characters... villains... cannot fall in love or “won’t fall in love.” I think it’s wrong also to think that “people don’t change for love.”

In fact, people do change. You definitely shouldn’t change yourself to be loved, but... people change all the time to be their “better” selves. So whose to say that a good person, who you love, will not make you want to improve yourself? Isn’t that what we want when we meet people? To fall in love with someone who will ultimately make you better and never worse.

Or so that’s how I try to write the Twisted characters when they fall in love... With an understanding that “morally” the person they are falling for is “kind” and “good” and how a part of them might just want to be better just for that person. (Especially Leona and Azul). They don’t necessarily have to be nice to everyone, but if they can be better for one person... We stan healthy character growth.

But yeah, Leona is driven by understanding that he’s a very selfish person. But that he’s also very unfortunate and he doesn’t want tie you with someone who, he thinks, is actually worthless. He probably, deeply, thinks you deserve more.

Though his selfishness eventually wins out and well... Won’t you forgive him for it? :) For tying you down to this worthless second prince?

I think his own self-awareness does make him try harder. Not for everyone or everything... but for you. Just for you. I think that would be Leona’s love language--spending time with you, trying for you.

He’d appreciate if you didn’t call him out on it though, that would be very embarrassing.

Looking back, I’m surprised that it was the only version where none of the other boys from his dorm showed up lol. Which means Ruggie is the sole character who has yet to appear in the “lucky ending” series, huh.

My favourite lines from his story that still leaves me breathless and patting my past self in the back: ““I’m home—” you said—even if a part of you felt that home should have been two green eyes, a cocky smirk, and a warm patch of sunlight on the grassy ground.”

Like honestly, what was I on? Who was she?

Azul is, like Leona, someone who is so keenly aware of the things he’s lacking. In fact, he’s someone who thinks he’s lacking when he’s probably perfect in some aspects. He might act proud but a part of him--I think--thinks its not enough. It’s never enough. He can certainly do better still.

In that light, it’s why he thinks he’s undeserving of a partner. Especially one who is “kind” and “understanding.” While ultimately, Azul deserves people in his life who are that and “accepting” of him--I think he still thinks he doesn’t.

And thats why he lets go of the Yuu!Reader. It’s why he doesn’t “chase” after her like Leona did.

It’s because he’s selfish, because he wants her--that he forces himself to let go.

Azul needs someone who’ll tell him that he is worth something and that he’s definitely worth the effort. So please praise him a lot until he’s crying in happiness. I’m sure it’s the one thing he’s always wanted to hear from people around him.

Also my Poly!Octavinelle Agenda has never died and I am pleased Past!Ai got away with so much Poly!Octa hints in this story lol. But honestly, regardless of wht Octavinelle says... god, you can tell they genuinely care about each other.

I recently rewatched Octavinelle’s chapter and... by god, the amount of things I missed out on first watch. Jade’s concern when he realized Azul wanted to get rid of that photo... The fact Floyd was so willing to drop the fight to return to Azul too... Anyways, Poly!Octa Agenda for life.

Favourite lines: “Azul’s pathetic whimpers turned into guttural sobs. His fingers spread to cover his eyes—and his glasses slid off his face, down to his lap and then to the ground—at his actions. His whole body shook as he cried his heart out.”

It’s not as poetic as a lot of my other favourites, but for some reason these lines always get me when I reread them. There’s something so visceral about it.

Azul’s piece is probably the least visually stimulating out of all these stories? His was so emotionally driven compared to the others and I worried a lot about that.

I think I remember I was crying so badly as I was writing this.

Kalim is really hard for me because I feel like I struggle a lot with finding conflict in his character? He’s such a genuinely nice person, I find it hard to believe that the Yuu!Reader would feel alienated from him or something. So I brought in “environment” to get in the way.

My use of celestial imagery for Kalim is because of the Scarabia trailer! I really loved how it put Kalim as the sun and Jamil as the moon. I definitely will take advantage of that when I get around to writing for Jamil.

So because I wanted to use the sun, I chose to use the idea of comets for Kalim? I think I remember something about how meteors are drawn to the gravitation pull of the sun and can “escape” it or “be destroyed” by it. Haha, hot.

Jamil is someone who ultimately cares about Kalim too and I had fun writing his banter with the Yuu!Reader. I think I wanted to decribe the shadows licking his face reminscent to the marks from his Overblot but... I felt like doing that would give Jamil too much focus so I ultimately decided against it.

It would’ve been hot though.

Oh yes, one thing I wanted to talk about is Kalim’s rushed proposal. I remember people talking about it in the tags, comments... even in asks at that time. The reason he does it is because he’s someone who didn’t realize his feelings until you spelled out your own. It was a sort of: “Oh. Right. That is the word I’d use to describe my feelings.”

My favourite lines from his story is: “How does one bid goodbye to the sun?” and “No one ever willingly bids goodbye to the sun.They spend the rest of their lives trying to find the right way back to it.”

My god, who was this genius.

Vil is probably the most visually stunning out of all these stories. I feel like my stories go from super vivid imagery and setting to just complete emotional disasters lol. (Vil being the former and Azul’s being the latter... not that it’s bad, it actually suits the characters).

Oh man, I remember thinking that Vil is such a hard character to write because we don’t know what his motivation for perfection is. All we knows is that he wants to be the best but, why?

It’s like, for example, Idia. His motivations could be otaku-related. He doesn’t want to go to class because he’d rather go play or something. That sounds in character--but Vil was so hard because he wanted perfection.

But we already see him as such a perfect character, so what else did he need to be even more perfect? In that light, Chapter 5 did a really good job on presenting Vil’s motivations.

But honestly, I think I can comfortably say that the Vil I’ve written so far is pretty accurate? To his character. I’m really grateful I read his chat lines because his comment about intelligence really got me thinking about his possible motivations. It made it really easy to understand that Vil wasn’t like majority of the real world’s influencers.

One other thing that I was really happy about with his story is the use of the flower language. It’s something I hope I can use more because it’s so beautiful.

Oh! And the roses the Yuu!Reader talks about are double delight roses. They are specifically bred to have two colors--yellow in the center and pink on the outside. I thought it fitting that the Yuu!Reader breed special roses for Vil.

They can be called... err... Vil Roses?

My favourite lines from his story is: ““My happiness will not be dictated by others—no, Vil Schoenheit is a person who will grasp happiness with his own hands.” [...] “I’m giving you this button because I’ve already found happiness by your side.””

This line was actually inspired by Zelda C.W.’s MYth series. Specifically Hera’s story, Will.

Idia ...for him, I somehow had a very hard time imagining him trying to tell the reader to stay. Like that didn’t compute for me? I felt like his version was better approached in a more comedic light somehow.

I also felt that it would be cuter if the Yuu!Reader had already chosen to stay and Idia would need to hastily retrack his confession... Unfortunately, Yuu!Reader won’t let him.

Honestly looking back on it, I wonder how much of Chapter 6 is going to make me scream and want to rewrite Idia’s part?

My favourite lines from his story is: “He was never particularly good at lying—nor was he good at keeping secrets from you. You were a person he considered a dear friend—and he was always the type of person who ended up spilling everything to you. He liked being able to talk about the things he enjoyed—he liked that he had found someone who wanted to hear him out.”

A lot of my interpretation for Idia is closely linked to personal experience as an anime, manga and gaming fan. It was just a couple of years ago where people would actually be bullied for liking these things--but nowadays its become a norm. It’s... stunning actually but it makes me happy to know that maybe nobody will be judged for loving anime.

That being said, Idia’s longing to find someone he can talk to is something I really relate too--back then, it was so difficult to find someone to talk to about my interests... So I interpreted Idia as much the same. That what he enjoys about the Yuu!Reader is their ability to simply sit and listen to him talk.

Malleus... man, recently I’ve been starting to fall in love with him all over again. He was my first oshi ever... Anyways, moving on. You think I’ve talked enough about immortal x mortal but nope, we are not done. I love this theme in general, romantic or platonic.

I will never shut up about it you can’t make me.

Sebek having a good enough friendship with Yuu!Reader is such a delicious concept. Like mutual respect and Sebek understanding that Yuu!Reader gives Malleus a different type of companionship that Sebek, Silver or Lilia couldn’t...

And also, ultimately, Sebek and Yuu!Reader do love Malleus. In different ways, but I like the thought of Sebek respecting that and respecting the Yuu!Reader.

Me realizing just now that Silver joins Ruggie in the: “has never appeared in a lucky ending fic club.”... Sorry Silver, I swear soon. Once we get more content on you.

Celestial themes for Malleus are primarily, again, because he only ever seemed to meet you at night. And I thought it would be wonderful, if you were a bright spark to him.

Favourite lines are definitely: “Oh, bright light… I would prefer to live the rest of your life by your side… rather than spend centuries contemplating what it could have felt… to hold you in my arms.”

I am, always, going to be such a big sucker for the idea of immortals constantly remembering and loving mortals. Always holding them close in their memories, because in that way--their lovers have become immortal with them.

I also like to imagine that he eventually figures out a way to connect your worlds together so you can still talk to your friends and family from that world. He is one of the most powerful magicians around, I’m sure its possible.

Rook was honestly the most difficult piece for me to write because he’s so hard(?) for me to understand. He’s a mess of contradictions honestly and I... guess I’m excited to see what he’ll do come Chapter 6.

I actually rewrote his story so much. I got about 500 words with a different idea/plot in mind before deleting that completely and restarting from scratch.

I feel like Rook is someone who talks big and talks about love without actually knowing what it truly might feel like. He’s someone who doesn’t understand it and ends up mistaking it for his fascination.

Aside from me enjoying inserting other characters from the same dorm as much as possible, I felt that Vil was the perfect person to snap some sense into Rook.

Epel’s appearance there is basically to reflect how much I really hope the first year kids get really close to one another.

Rook is also someone who I think, doesn’t try to explain himself too much. He’s someone who I think talks a lot, but if people don’t understand him then he doesn’t need to be understood? That’s my impression. Lol, when “lucky ending” became a character study.

I also really loved the idea that Rook was fine with people running from him--to him that makes it all the more thrilling. But then you start running away from him and that just ends up making dread pool in his stomach.

My favourite lines from his story: “‘When something ends, it must be sad. So, tell me then, how an ending could be so beautiful?’ [...] .‘But there was one ending that was beautiful, non?’ [...] ‘That’s right. ‘They lived happily ever after’—are those not the words that define a beautiful ending?’”

I used the dusk metaphor for Rook. My idea is that he starts seeing dusk as an ending and how he can’t fathom how any “ending” is beautiful. When a story ends, it’s not beautiful to him, humu. But when that ending is the happily ever after then... That makes all the difference.

Lilia was actually easier than Rook’s but also fairly difficult. I had written the middle of Lilia’s piece while stumped on Rook’s actually. Lilia’s was probably easier because I love the idea of immortals and mortals.

I don’t really like the idea of mortals becoming immortals. Like, yes, it’s certainly sweet and spending eternity with a one true love is definitely the best possible ending but... I think there’s so much weight in an immortal choosing to love a mortal while knowing that they will ultimately lose them.

The biggest theme for Lilia is definitely time.

Thinking about it now... There’s been a lot of things in real life that’s just... Made me think about how we have less time than we actually think we have. And I think I ended up channeling that through Lilia... Though I feel like it is ultimately things Lilia would think about though.

The most important imagery would probably be the stars.

I honestly wanted to avoid it because I used celestial imagery for both Kalim and Malleus but the words just flowed out in a way that I felt that I couldn’t replace. So I went with it.

Lilia is no stranger to loneliness. One of the reasons he feels less alone is because he has family now and he doesn’t want to rob you of that. Family is so important to him because they are people who are meant to be with you--they are people who will make you less lonely--or so thats how I think? he thinks.

My favourite lines from his story: “He would relish in the way—You made the world pause. You made a moment extend into an eternity. You made an immortal crave just a little more time.”

I’m so immensely proud of this one? I don’t really have much else to say. There’s something so raw about it that I love. Also the part where it continues on to say that “Because there is never enough time.”

Me realizing my extra notes is just half me simping over these characters, half sharing headcanons, have actually giving good advice? perspective?, half song lyrics, half character study/analysis?

“lucky ending” is about change. Whether we want them to happen or not it’s... the human condition to change. For better or worse, we change--day by day. I think we all operate under a small panic about how everyday things are changing...

But “lucky ending” is also about the things that don’t change. Won’t change. Will never change. The things worth holding onto, the thing worth fighting for... or so I’d like to think.

#aimuses #ainotes #ai lucky series #twst #twisted wonderland #its 6 AM HEEHOOO

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maliciouslycreative · 3 years

Text

How I played damage control to an anti in a small anime fandom and may have led to her ultimate downfall

I know I had a really nice write up of this at one point but oh well. I’ll spill more of the tea in this one because honestly the tea was so hot.

There are a few things that I have to give context to first. Gaia online was like THE mega forum of the 2000s, you made a little avatar and through posting and doing other activities on the forum you made money to buy clothes for your avatar. There were forums for everything but the fannish portions were really what drew in most of the people. The anime I was into was Beyblade. It was a shonen anime about fighting with tops that were possessed by the spirits of magical creatures. The story was honestly pretty average but the characters were fantastic and the fandom is to this day still one of my favourites. The series had a primarily male cast and didn’t even have a female lead until the second season. This led to the fanfic for the English fandom being about 70% canon/OC, 10 % canon m/f, and 20% slash. The most popular character in the English fandom was by far Kai Hiwatari, the loner badboy of the team.

Also before we get started I would like to add that one of my best friends was neck deep in this and the two of us were more or less fandom married. This is the same friend that I fake dated, had feelings for, and she nearly got me into kpop in 2011 so like if you haven’t read that story please read it too because it will give you a good idea of how stupid I am and how much of a fanfic I have truly lived.

To set the stage I was 16, soon to be 17 when I joined the fandom and it was 2004. In September of that year I wrote a humour longfic that became an absolute smash hit and I found myself somehow fandom famous. It was around this time that I joined Gaia online. I made my little avatar and immediately went looking for the beyblade thread so that I could make new friends. I found the main thread, made my little introduction and at the end of it mentioned that I was a slash writer but I supported all ships. This is where I met C. She had declared herself the authority on Beyblade in these parts and I had just committed the crime of mentioning slash which was very obviously not canon and we did not discuss in this thread because we only discussed canon things. I was like well that’s a bit severe but like sure whatever I just want to hang out and have fun.

Oh boy did I have no idea what I was in for.

C was a year older than me and unfortunately that made her older than the majority of the fans at the time. Her favourite character was Kai, and she was not shy about talking about this fact. She stanned Kai above all other characters, and often at their expense. She was also a fanfic writer of a popular canon/OC series. Actually, she was so full of herself that she didn’t even call herself a fanfic writer, no her stories were in fact novels and were apparently very good. I never read them. But more on that later.

Eventually the slash fans got tired of her being rude to us in the general thread so we made a Beyblade slash thread. There was a core of like 8 or so of us and we honestly had sooo much fun. When C would be too unbearable in the main thread the people from there used to come over to our thread and we’d chat with them about non slash stuff because we were honestly all multishippers and just wanted to have fun. We’d get comments like “wow, I’ve had more pleasant canon het ship discussions in the slash thread than the regular thread”. We never worried about C coming over and getting upset about comments like this because she refused to be associated with anything related with slash lmao.

I tried my best to keep the peace between C, myself, and the rest of the fandom because ultimately I hate being in fandom drama. I just want everyone to have a good time. I’m a people pleaser. Unfortunately my newfound fame put me in the awkward position of being the most fandom popular person in our small community aside from C. Virtually every fan that read fanfics that came into our thread knew one of us or the other by reputation and C HATED this. Especially because people would come in to the thread, recognise me and go “oh my goodness I love your fanfics!” and I’d be super sweet with them and it’d lead into “I can’t believe how nice you are, I love you” which would lead to us crying at each other. This was not the kind of fan interaction that C got, no her fans were more kind that were there to praise her and worship her like a deity that had blessed them with some gift. Rarely did they tell her how kind she was.

Back in the mid 2000s there were really commonly those commercials (usually by Christian organisations) asking people to sponsor say children in Africa or to help build schools or provide drinking water. You all probably know the ones; know the language that they used in those commercials. My fandom wife, who I suppose I shall call wifey because yes we were THAT couple back then, once said that C described her fics like those people described donating money to save the lives of Children in Africa. So we used to joke that her fics were so good they’d save lives in Africa. Looking back at it all, she almost had a very fundamentalist Christian approach to bringing people into her fanfics. She of course tried to get all the slash people into reading it. None of us read canon/oc fic mostly due to our poor treatment at the hands of their fans and creators. Getting fed up I one day told her that if she would read any one of my fanfics that I would read the entirety of her novels. Yes, I was willing to commit to read a couple 100k of canon/oc fanfic that I’d never touch normally if she would even read one of my 1k 1 shots. Heck, I had a fic even that shipped 2 minor characters so she didn’t even have to sully herself reading about one of the main characters. It was honestly a good deal in her favour. I kept this up until the day we all left the fandom. Sometimes I do wonder if her fics were even ¼ as good as she claimed, but I will never know because she refused to read my fics.

She wasn’t all bad and a tyrant all the time. As long as people kept the conversations on track and didn’t come in to the thread saying things like “KAI IS SO HOT ND T3H BEST N I AM GUN 2 MARRY HIM” she stayed mostly civil. It was always hilarious watching InuYahsa or Naruto fans try to come in and bad mouth Beyblade because they’d unleash the dragon and C was great at chasing off undesirables in the thread.

The real apex of goings on though on Gaia was the guild drama. So guilds were like exclusive themed mini forums within Gaia. Anyone could buy one and run it however they want, as long as it still adhered to Gaia’s ToS. C of course was the owner of the only Beyblade guild. The fandom wasn’t really big enough to support 2 guilds so we just kind of let it go. Technically she allowed people to post slash fanfics but like everything had to be explicitly tagged and there was absolutely no slash RP. Wifey and I controlled a handful of minor characters together in the forum RP and definitely used to try to push the boundaries a little bit. Some ambiguous flirting here, a stray comment there. It was such a fragile balance though because C was heavy on the ban button. The active portion of the guild was just people that were in the cult of C and worshipped her writing.

Understandably the other slash fans and myself were getting disheartened by this. So we pooled our funds together and decided that we’d open a second guild that though it was run by slash fans we would welcome anyone into our ranks. We just wanted to have a fun place for everyone to hang out, and to hopefully run a few events out of. In hindsight, we should have seen what would happen. When we opened the guild, with me as the guild leader, it was like somebody blew up the whole dam protecting the delicate ecosystem we had cultivated. Every single person in the Gaia fandom that was not a zealous follower of C applied to be in our guild and left her guild. We of course figured that we’d attract some of the gen population but we did not expect to accidentally poach all of it. All of the moderators were getting messages from people thanking us for giving them a place where they could say whatever they wanted without fear of getting their faces ripped off or banned.

C lost her shit. She was so mad that we went behind her back to ruin her guild. We literally had to show her posts in the very public slash thread that we had been planning this in public and that it was not to ruin her life. We just wanted a place where we could freely post slash. The two of us had some spicy comments back and forth and then she dropped an absolute bombshell on me. Since Gaia’s mail system is terrible I unfortunately no longer have exactly what she said but it was something along the lines of “Ok, you win. I’m going to close my guild.”. Us slash fans had never been doing this to win anything. We had never been competing. We just wanted a safe space to be ourselves.

C never joined our guild. The fandom slowly faded out within the next year anyway. We weren’t getting new content so naturally people just drifted into other fandoms. C kept up with the main Beyblade thread for a lot longer than most of us but eventually that eventually faded into obscurity too.

I learned a lot about fandom bullies from those days. But honestly the thing that stuck with me the most out of everything was that if you provide a positive safe space for people they will flock to it. It may seem like there are so many hostile people out there, but there really aren't. They're the minority but they just make sure that their voice is the loudest. The best way is to ignore them and just do your own thing. The bullies just want attention and if you don’t give it to them and prove to them that their opinion doesn’t matter to you then they’ll move in and find something else to yell at.

#malicious musings #stacey's adventures in fandom drama #lol #honestly it was such a fucking wild time #if i think of any other specific instances of drama i'll add them #god i wish i had screenshots of some of what went on #but sadly going through archived gaia posts is easier said than done

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theveil-and-thepath · 3 years

Note

Hi.

Idk if you are taking asks. If you aren't then feel free to ignore this.

The thing is, I started my Master's course and I suck at everything. Literally everything. Except maybe English as a language.

It's very frustrating. And I don't know if I will be able to do anything. Or build a career. Or earn. Lol.

I'm sorry about the rant. Things have been new and strange and incompetence is not something that I am used to.

@ Anyone who sees this post and has some advice: please rb and add to it, share your experience with the feeling of incompetence in academia. (long reply ahead 2000+ words, the last 4 paragraphs are the reading)

Feedback for this reading

Hi, dear! In undergrad, while other students were struggling to keep their head above water, you were swimming and trying to be the fastest; now, for the first time, you’re afraid you’re going to drown. I’m going to reply with some advice from myself first (tarot below the cut, you can skip and go there) and have in mind that you just started your master’s.

Well, this feeling can come back many times before you earn this degree, so it’s good to learn how to deal with it early on. The first thing is: look for the mental health department of your university and use all of the services they provide. Do it before you freak out. If, during your master’s, you feel you’re just too anxious and can’t deal with it, even with therapy, don’t be hesitant to seek medication. It can be natural things or allopathic medication, together with trying to have the healthiest life you can. Don't hesitate to ask for medication (for real), it can make a huge difference, it can be the difference between lying on the sofa unable to get up for class and being able to at least do the dishes or open your dissertation or being able to open and read your emails. The second thing: make colleagues and ask people more senior than you about professors and supervisors. Don’t go for the super star supervisor who’s in fact an ass**** and will humiliate you or belittle you. It’s rare, but some departments are the home of some really arrogant people who won’t help you at all, so be aware of who these people are, learn the department gossip if you can. The third thing: ask for help. You may feel dumb and less knowledgble than the first year undergrad who just learned a new method or read an author, but if you didn’t and you don’t know what they are talking about, ask for help. Ask for a book to read, google as if you knew nothing, write down and google the concept you didn’t know, ask for how to spell a name (i felt so embarrassed that i barely did that), go around and find out even if this is checking basic maths again. Your undergrad materials are your friends. Go back to your past self because I’m sure they wrote some helpful things in these notebooks. If your master’s is in a different area than your undergrad, go check undergrad textbooks about what you need to learn. In fact, check undergrad textbooks to write your dissertation and make sure you got the basic correct if you want.

Now for the real deal. Not everyone is as smart as they seem. Knowing the right reference, having read the material beforehand, being skilled in speech and writing, all help for someone to seem like the smartest person in the room. You don’t have to be the smartest one in the room. You have to be the one who’s learning the most and making the best use of the input you get and you must be able to do a decent dissertation and graduate. Ultimately, it’s your dissertation and your specific field of study that will get you into a PhD and academic career, if you don’t want an academic career then you should worry even less about any of that stuff, if at all. The day you go teach something you’ll prepare for it, you’ll prepare a class, you won’t know everything. You need to be able to learn and teach in an organised manner, but you won’t know the details beforehand unless you’re teaching your own specific field of study. Students will ask smart questions to which you don’t have the answers, and that improvisation that you once did during an exam with open ended questions you’ll have to do in front of the classroom, and you’ll say what you know, acknowledge what you don’t and come back next week with an answer. Furthermore, not all questions have answers. By now you know that an “answer” can be a long digression of many possible scenarios and approaches from different authors. If you’re in stem, then you’ll do a similar thing, but one thing is common: you need to cover the basics. Now, you may not need to pay attention to every class you’re taking because they may not be useful for your dissertation, but try your best to grasp the basics and learn what you can. You will get used to the classes and learn what you can. Feeling dumb at first (or even in the end if I’m honest) is a sign you found your growth zone. You don’t need to fill it all and be like other people, but expand your knowledge as much as you can without damaging your health. It’s hard because it’s a moment when you feel everyone will point at you and say “oh, but weren’t you a smart ass? ofc you know this! you were the best, if you didn’t learn that then it’s a problem of your university. don’t they teach you this and that? how come you don’t know so and so? how did you get in?oh, don’t worry, you're smart, you’ll learn that with time, just keep working hard.” In a way, it feels like your pride is hurt and the foundation of your being is being destroyed. But you rise up from the ashes, that’s the challenge.

One point I want to make here is that sometimes impostor syndrome has a "real basis". It can happen that when you seek therapy they’ll treat you for this and make you see your potential and skill. But one thing people have failed in my life was recognize that I can be correct when assessing my own limitations and this is not me being a victim of impostor syndrome. Sometimes, you’re EXCELLENT, a GENIUS on your own, but it may still not be enough for what you want to accomplish and you may, in that situation, win as a person and win on the long run, but be defeated in the short run. There’s always a moment of genuine distress when you actually don’t know the thing, you actually don’t think you can do it, or you believe, you study, you manifest, you do your best and it’s not enough. I won’t tell you: work hard and believe in yourself, manifest and it will happen. I won’t fool you, because both of us know that you can do everything right and “fail” nonetheless. Sometimes, you don’t get the funding and you’re just as smart as the one who got it, sometimes you fail even when you do your best. However, sometimes you don’t! If you do nothing you get nothing, if you try your best you’ll get something. You’re into the program already, now you’ll do your best to expand your knowledge and overcome the personal challenge of dealing with growth and challenges and your own weaker spots. This can be painful af, so well I advise you to be close to people who love and support you, even if you don’t believe when they say “the top university will hire you asap” because you know the requirement in terms of publications, you know your limitations, you know you’re not as smart as you look like. BUT YOU’RE SMART AND YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN THIS, YOU CAN OVERCOME YOUR CHALLENGES AND BE PROUD OF IT, YOU ARE CAPABLE OF DOING YOUR BEST.

There may be a moment in which you may question your very own skill of reading and writing (and spreaking), if you can make two words come together at all! The moment you’ll doubt if you know “english as a language”. Well, what you know will have to serve you and you’ll work your way around that somehow. It’s different for everyone. But one thing I’m sure of is you should have as much support as you can get, from family, friends, therapy, sports, religion, fiction, anything. Because on top of feeling incompetent, sometimes people come and challenge our things, you can feel bad because of the critics during a conference, feel awful at the comments from reviwers, there will be moments when this feeling of incompetence is pushed to the limit. This happens if you don’t go for academic career as well, your boss and colleagues, critics and challenges overall (+ some people have no tact and are rude). So the key now is to learn how to deal with this new feeling of incompetence. You are not incompetent, and you wouldn’t be even if you hadn’t got into that master’s!!!

Will you get a career? Will you earn? Will you get tenure? Will you get into a PhD program just as good as your master’s? Will you ever publish at such and such journal? Will your work ever be recognized? Will you want to go through a PhD after struggling with a masters? Honestly, I don’t know, but very likely you will. These will change after every new book you read, every new topic you learn, every new assignment you do, every presentation, every group assignment, after meeting new people, after going to places, after trying and learning, after being rejected by all reviewers, after failing and getting up again. The more you work, the better your chances, and if you don’t get the spot you dream of, I can say we never know where life is leading us, what people we’re meant to meet, what we can experience. The smart person you are still exists and will never die, you’ll learn how to swim in this new sea, and if you don’t like the water there are plenty of water bodies out there to try. I know this is not the most reassuring message, but there’s never the guarantee of success as you see it. And you need to respect your body and your mind, the time you take to breathe because if you hold your breath for too long you won’t be able to swim and die anyway, even if you didn’t drown. You may get messages like there will be struggles but you’ll get it in the end, but remember that sometimes new routes await you and the knowledge you have will serve you perfectly well.

Now, after I vented myself, I’ll ask tarot: how can you overcome this struggle with this feeling of incompetence?

Your best asset, your challenge, the best approach: three of pentacles, the high priestess, strength.

It seems very fitting, your best asset is working and seeking help from people you know. In a master’s it can be the afternoon you spend preparing with a friend for an exam, you turning on the “learning mode” and reading a book with an open heart without the feeling of incompetence get into the learning, it’s open your mind for new knowledge, it’s have 4 books open on the table, 6 pdfs, one document you’re writing and write two sentences a day, it’s solving part of the equation and stopping to have coffee and feel stuck looking for a way out without panicking. I’m sure there was at least one academic challenge you overcame in undergrad, remember that, summon up that learning and fighting mode because it’s what you have to work around your current challenges. Regardless of the results, you can try to get to that mode again.

Your challenge here is the high priestess. She’s smart, she speaks only when requested, she knows mysteries, she picks her battles. You need to be at peace with yourself alone, master introspection in a way you let emotions flow but don’t let them get the best of you. For me it’s also that moment of deep thought when you stare at a paragraph or an equation, when you look at your code that is not running properly, the spread sheet that has a mistake, and you have to try to stay calm and muster all the knowledge or ask for inspiration on how to crack the mystery, how to get out. This is a specific moment in the learning process, especially important if you need to find a new approach for your dissertation. This is your challenge, learn how to deal with this moment or even get to this moment (when we’re feeling incompetent it’s nearly impossible to even work to the point where you stop and thnk without dispair). Make sure your mental health is in check for this, anxiety won’t help here and this is a serious matter. Learn smart too. If it was a mention of an author or method who made you feel extra dumb, but said author is not very important to you, don’t bother. Go work on what you need to pass and what will help your dissertation and your own particular field. Learn new things obviously, but work as smart as you can because nobody has time to know it all.

The best approach is the strength card. Perseverance. Extra cliché for my liking but true nonetheless. It also speaks about finding balance between mind and heart, your brain taming your emotions, taming your negative thoughts and direct that impulse and strength to what is worth it: learning what you can, one step at a time, and do it smart and pick only what’s most helpful to you. Tame yourself, check your health, practice a sport, go to therapy, read books, keep yourself alive and feeling confident enough to advance. You can’t tame a lion, ever, but you can try to be his friend and let him work with you. Do this with your emotions and it can lead you far in life.

That was it for the reading. I’m sorry if my personal vent was unrequested, but I feel strongly about this topic. I wish you all of the best in this world, that you can feel divine guidance when your life seems lost and find the strength you have within yourself. You need to believe when your friends say good things about you, because you’re much stronger than you think, and life will only make you stronger, dear.

#The Veil replies #gradblr #grad school #studyblr #study hard #master degree #phd stuff #academia #academic success #impostor syndrome #incompetence #long post

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sellina-skyfall · 3 years

Text

Dream SMP - We don´t talk about it

Summary: It’s no secret that Tommy believes he’s the greatess person to exist, the ego on that child is bigger then everyone elses in the Dream smp combined. Even thou he can handle his own pretty well in battle, maybe he should think twice before picking fights with gods.

In other words, problem child tries to fight the literal goddess of chaos to try and prove to everyone else that he is strong.

Warning: This work is a work of fiction and in no way should be taken as gospel.This was done with entertainment proposes, and involves the Dream smp characters, and the characters only. It is not my intention to make anyone uncomfortable, or cross any bonderies.

This work contains, a fighting scene, mentions of child abandonment, bad parenting and some violence.

I apologize if there are any mistakes, or if there are some sentences that don’t make much sense. English is not my first language.

This can be read as an Xreader, or as an Xcharacter!

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-I am not a kid!-

-Yes you are Tommy, I'm not teaching you how to murder someone just because you think you're a grown up-

-You're just afraid I'll beat you in a battle!-

I couldn't lie, it was hard not to listen to Techno's and Tommy's querrels. As loud and as annoying as they could get, the two always managed to light up everyones mood. Accuratly, this didn't always work, but for the most part, their little arguments were light hearted and fun. A change of scenery for the usually calm and honestly, quite boring winter empire.

-Ten minutes max until they are at eachothers throats-

The hushed comment made me snicker slightly, a small smile breaking out as I carefully adjusted the tea cup on my hands, making sure to not spill it over the beautifully decored table me and Philza were sitting by. The winged man gave me a knowing look, smile crooking slightly as he gestured back to the fighting pair with a simple nod of his head. My eyes immediatly snapped over, teeth suddently digging into my lips as I held back a laugh. Philza was more then right, those two would be at eachother sooner rather then later. Not that we were too worried, if anything escaled we would simply step in.

Like we always did.

The bird-hybrid more then me, I simply did not have the mental strenght to argue with both Tommy and Techno, they were already hot-headed when alone.

Oh but when they were toguether?

A living time-bomb that could go off over the smallest and dumbest things.

-It really does run in the family, uh Phil?-

It wasn't really a question, if anything, it was more of a little jab to the mans raising methodes. Not that I could really talk, it had been centurys since I had last held a baby, even longer since I had to take care of one. If I had been in Philzas place I would probably have been a worst parent then he ever was.

In response to my teasing, the bird-hybrid simply rolled his eyes, smile softening as he leaned somewhat closer to me. Immediatly catching onto his antics, I decided to play along, quietly suffling forward in my chair before bringging up the cup of tea up to my lips, the smile I had only widening as the childish behavior.

-Mighty words coming from someone who abandoned their child-

-I did no such thing, do you really believe I would be able to abandone a baby? Scar was a follower of mine-

-A very dedicate one if I might add-

Phil's sentence was abruptly interruted by Tommy's voice, the teenager had somehow approached us without any of us noticing. His hands slamed down onto the table, the impact making the glasses and plates shake slightly. It didn't take five seconds before the hybrid was scolding his youngest soon, eyes Sharp as he told Tommy to apolegize.

The teen, however had other plans. His Bright blue eyes were focused on me as his smile praticly occupied half of his face. His next words had be chocking on the tea I had been drinking.

-Well! If Techno won't teach me how to fight then Sellina will! Right!?-

I looked over to Philza in disbelief, eyes widened at the bluntness his child possessed. Tommy really had no manners in conversation, especially when it came to woman. The blond man simply stared back at me, his expression mirrowing mine as his mouth opened and closed several times. We were both at a lost for words. The silence that took over was quite unconfortable, and the intense stare Tommy kept giving me did nothing to make me feel better about the hole situation.

After breathing in slowly I found myself forcing a smile at the teen, hands coming down to rest the partly now spilled tea on the table.

-I don't think that's a good idea Tommy-

-What, you think I can't handle my own?! I'll have you known I'm the strongest in this house hole!-

Techno's snicker was loud enough to catch our attention, so much so that Tommy turned over in his direction to curse him out. Talk about na big ego.

Really, where were this childs manners...

-C'mon Sellina! I'm sure I can beat you in a fight!-

-I don't think so T, but the intention is what counts..-

-Well! If you are so sure of yourself why won't you fight me? At least teach me some cool moves so I can use them agaisnt Techno!-

-You'd have to have blue blood for that buddy. Maybe when you're older Tommy-

The frustation was evidente in Tommys face, his cheeks had redden up and his mouth had dropped into a frown. Without another word the teenager simply stormed off, bangging the door loudly behind him.

I couldn't help but feel slightly bad, a tired sigh escaping me as my shoulders dropped slightly at the teens mood swing.

Humans were way too emotional.

But in the end, there was nothing I could really do, teaching Tommy how to fight was out of the question, and fighting him was na even worst idea. I was not about to train a sixteen year old kid to be a soldier.

My train of thoughts was broken by Philza, who at this point had gotten up and was grabbing the dishes up from the table to put them in the kitchen's sink. Before he did so thou, he gave my shoulder a tight squeeze, eyes soft and understanding. The smile on lips lips was small, but welcoming all the same.

I found myself smilling back with ease.

�� --------------------------

-Are you sure you don't need me to accompain you home Sellina?-

-With all the due respect dadza, I can take care of myself. You should be more worried for Techno, he seems...-

-I know. The fight with tommy lefy him in a sower mood. He'll be back to normal before you know it-

-If you say so... Alright, take care then. Give the boys kisses for me!-

Quietness.

That's the only real way I could describe the winter florest, apart from breathtaking and beautifull view. Honestly, the scenery looked like it had been straight out ripped from an old fairytail book, the kind of book kids swore held magic.

And maybe, they did.

The snowed covered trees almost touched eachother a the top, the casted shadows creating this welcoming sense of protection. Their frozen leafs shook slightly in the welcoming breeze of the night, even the animals seemed to have gone silent. I found myself slowly coming to a stop in the middle of it all, eyes locked onto the brightly illuminated moon. It had been hard to spot her, after all the threes were rather large, but the sight that welcomed me had made it all worth it.

Nights like this were what made me remember why I was so found of earth. So found of these people that slowly destryed everything they touched. So found of their interactions and relations.

It was never this peacefull and serene out there.

My shoulders relaxed quite quickly, and before I knew it I was calmly enjoying the presence of the cold winter spirt. The wind had started to pick up, but it didn't bother me in the slightless, in reality it made me smile harder.

The small moment of bliss was cut short by the sounds of foot steps fastly approching. For a moment I thought it might have been Techno or maybe even Philza but none of them had any reason to follow me into the florest. I forced myself to stay quiet, holding my breath in as a way to hear the steps better.

They had broken out onto a full blown sprint.

My reaction was pretty much immediate, right hand coming down fast to to summoning my battle axe. I turned on my feet as fast as I could, cape flowing behind me as my eyes fell on the tip of the sword that had barelly missed my face. Instinctively my arm came up, axe in hand as I swung it down with so much force that it sliced right through the dimond sword that once had been held up to me. A squeek left my attackers mouth, but before he could do anything I brought my left leg up, swiftly quicking his leg before swingging once again. The blade barelly missed his face as he fell to the ground with a muffled "thud", the snow aiding in his fall. His breathing was much faster then it should have been, teary blue eyes widened in shock and in terror as he stared up at me like I was some kind of monster. The gripo n my axe flaterred as soon as I recognized who was on the other side of my blade.

-Tommy?-

His name came out in a whisper, arms shaking as I realized how close I had just been to hurting the small teenager. The axe slipped past my fingers and onto the snow as I stared down at Tommy, the frightened look he had inprinting itself into my memory.

Calls of both our names echoed through out the florest, not that I could hear them clearly, everything had started to turn into white noise. That is until Techno stepped into view, rough hands carefully grasping at my face as he tried to gain my attention back. Still, my eyes stayed focussed on Tommy, even when Philza started scolding himw hile checking over for injuries.

-I could have killed him-

-Hey. Hey, c'mon it's it's not your fault. Tommy shouldn't have sneaked up on you-

-Oh my god I could have killed him. Techno I could have killed him-

-It's fine. It's going to be fine-

I don't remember exacly how that night ended, nor' how the next day started.

One thing had been certain thou, Tommy made sure to never ask me to fight him again.

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dothwrites · 4 years

Note

Cas using Enochian pick-up lines on oblivious Dean. Dean doesn't get them, Cas feels rejected each time, and Sammy is done with it all! Can I have that fic, pretty please?

ah, this has been sitting here for a WHILE, so i’m sorry that i’m trash

lost in translation

---

It begins when Dean is pathetically trying to impress his crush.

Or at least that would be Sam’s take, if Dean cared enough to ask him.

Dean would rather say that it began with a simple misunderstanding, one which could happen to anyone.

He doesn’t ask Cas’ opinion of the situation (and Cas would say that’s the whole crux of the problem).

Whoever has the correct perspective, no one would argue about the beginning of the affair. It starts one afternoon when Dean is contemplating switching Sam’s creamer with buttermilk, just for a break in the monotony. Cas is with him in the library, his customary suit and coat exchanged for a hoodie and a comfortable looking pair of jeans which Dean suspects used to belong to him (there’s something vaguely familiar about that hole in the knee, and it wouldn’t be the first time Cas has pilfered his room for clothing; several of Dean’s shirts have ended up upon the angel’s body. Cas always seems perplexed when Dean calls him on his thievery, plucking at the shirt with faint confusion--Oh this? I found this down in the laundry room a few days ago and thought it looked familiar, do you want it back? And the question is phrased so forlornly that Dean can’t help but allow Cas to steal another article of clothing out from under his very nose.). Cas dresses down these days. And slouches. Right now, his chin is in danger of disappearing into his chest. The sight delights Dean. There for a while, he hadn’t been sure Cas was capable of relaxing.

It’s an overwhelmingly quiet afternoon. It’s nice, because Dean loves to spend time with Cas when there’s no imminent blood or monsters on their horizons, but it’s also boring. Dean sneaks a glance at Cas over the top of his book. Cas seems perfectly content to sit all day reading some godawful thick, leather bound tome. Dean finds himself less than content, but he doesn’t want to leave Cas. He sighs, shifting in his seat as he pretends to read. After a few more minutes, he sighs again, this time with a little more spite in the sound.

(Dean’s about three seconds away from kicking his feet and whining I’m bored, but Cas doesn’t need to know that.)

Cas mutters under his breath. Dean recognizes the guttural syllables of Enochian, which is Cas’ go-to language for when he’s saying something hateful and he doesn’t want to get called out on it. Tough luck for him, though, because Dean’s heard one of those words enough to parse its meaning.

“Did you just call me stupid?” he demands, slapping his book down on the arm of the chair.

Castiel looks at him, his eyes wide with surprise. “You...understood that?” he asks. “You understand Enochian?”

Not in the slightest, is what Dean should say. He understands one word, and that’s only because Cas uses it enough as an insult that it managed to stick in his mind. But something that looks like fondness, and admiration, and other nice adjectives which Dean would like Cas to apply to him, shines at the edges of Cas’ eyes. So he rolls his eyes a little bit (the audacity of Cas! Asking him if he bothered to study something which was not strictly required!) and scoffs, “Uh, kind of hard not to at this point, you know, what with...” He waves his hand at Cas, hoping that the vagueness of the gesture will cover a multitude of sins.

And really, he should come clean. If the past fifteen years have taught him anything, it’s that nothing good comes from lying to your nearest and dearest. But this is just a little white lie. Like when he was sixteen and he told Brandy Fletcher he could play a rocking drum solo, because he wanted to impress her and there was no way he would ever be called upon to perform such a task. This is just a little fib, made so that Cas doesn’t think he’s a fucking idiot.

Plus, there’s something which looks horribly similar to gratitude shining in Cas’ eyes. The emotion brims over until those baby blues can hardly contain it, and Cas looks so goddamned happy. Dean’s not a monster. He’s not going to take that away from Cas just so he can come clean with a Gotcha! moment.

Cas bites at his lower lip, looking uncommonly shy. Worry starts to stir in Dean’s gut, which is only compounded when Cas says something else in soft yet clear Enochian. As the new phrase doesn’t have the word stupid anywhere in it, Dean doesn’t have the slightest idea of what Cas is saying. The guilt squirming in his stomach gets worse when Cas looks at him, with gentle anticipation, as though he’s expecting a reply. Dean does what humans have been doing since the beginning of time when confronted with a language they don’t understand and smiles, wide and sunny, at Cas. Cas’ forehead creases but he returns the gesture. His eyes are still brimming over with emotion and the sight does something to Dean.

Dean begins to suspect that he may have started something which he is not equipped to finish.

---

After that, things get a little weird. Considering Dean’s general life, that’s saying something.

Dean catches Cas looking at him more, like Cas is having a one-man staring contest with the side of his face. Cas staring at him is nothing to write home about, but his looks have gained new intensity. It makes Dean’s innards squirm with worry as well as something deeper. He’s not willing to examine that feeling any closer, though it is pleasant.

As if the soulful looks weren’t bad enough, there’s also the thoughtful slant of Cas’ eyes to worry about. Every time he looks at Dean, he looks like he’s working himself up to something momentous. Since momentous decrees from Cas usually come hand in hand with world-ending events and revelations, Dean thinks he can forgiven for dodging Cas’ presence.

It does him no good: the bunker, for all its space, is only so large in the end, and Cas was once a heavenly messenger who has the patience of millennia. Add that to the fact that Dean needs to eat at least twice a day, and the game of Cornering Dean becomes a game of cards, in which the deck is stacked firmly in Cas’ favor.

Dean sneaks into the kitchen sometime between midnight and two am. If Sam caught him, then he would get a talking-to about the most appropriate times to eat, better digestive function, and the ravages of heartburn in a man his age, but it’s not his brother sitting at the table when Dean flicks on the light.

It’s Cas, who blinks owlishly at him, before his face splits into his brightest smile.

(Cas’ brightest smile is an awkward, crooked little thing. On a regular human being it would be considered unbecoming. On Cas, it’s a thing of glory.)

“Dean,” Cas greets him. Hearing his voice in that low, rough voice never fails to send a little shiver down his spine, and today is no different. “This is an odd time for a snack.”

“Yeah,” Dean says, a little lamely. The shock of finding Cas in the kitchen has kind of killed his appetite, but it’s not like he can turn around and leave. “Just, you know, had a craving. Why were you here?”

Cas looks around the kitchen, his mouth pursed. “I like it here. It’s peaceful.”

Dean looks at him, waiting for the punchline. “You were sitting in the dark, dude.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t need lights to see in the dark,” Cas says, as though the knowledge that his best friend has some freaky see in the dark cat eye nonsense going on with him isn’t the weirdest thing Dean’s heard all day.

“Great.” Dean opens the fridge and pulls out a container at random. He spares one second to hope that Sam got rid of all the moldy food before he samples the contents. “Well, I think I’m going back to my room now.”

He wants to get out of here, not so much because he doesn’t want to talk to Cas (he has no problem with late-night chats with Cas, it’s just that he would prefer such chats take place in his room, preferably in his bed, preferably while both participants were significantly less dressed), but because Cas is starting to get that look again, like he’s getting ready to drop an atomic bomb’s worth of shit on Dean in the middle of the kitchen.

“Dean.” Cas stands up. He twists his fingers together before he realizes what he’s doing, and then places them flat against his thighs. He takes a deep breath. Before Dean can stop him, Cas opens his mouth.

Low, rolling syllables flow through the kitchen, the harsh notations of Enochian softened by Cas’ voice. There’s a question in Cas’ eyes, and Dean would answer it, if he only knew what Cas was asking.

The kitchen falls into silence. Dean gets the distinct impression that walking away is not the appropriate reaction. If only he knew what the appropriate reaction was.

He settles for plastering a fake ass smile on his face and loosing a brittle laugh which threatens to shatter the lighting fixtures. The corners of his mouth hurt from the wideness of his smile, but not even the small twinge of pain can take away from the brief flash of hurt in Cas’ eyes.

“Yeah. You bet.” Dean barely restrains himself from giving Cas a big thumbs up.

Cas’ face, if possible, turns even more disconsolate. Dean’s stomach twists at the sight.

This would be the correct moment to confess. Cas, I don’t have the faintest idea what you said, but I’d really like it if you could say it again in English, so that I could maybe comment on it. Sorry I’m such a jackass.

Dean does not confess. He reaches out and claps Cas on the shoulder, almost buckling Cas’ knees under the friendly contact. Dean almost stops, but he continues to his room, trying to erase the memory of Cas’ stricken face.

---

It gets worse.

Cas says something in Enochian to him the next morning, a tiny, hopeful smile darting across his face. Dean gives him a weak smile in return and tries not to focus on the longing, almost desperate tone of Cas’ voice. “Ok, Cas,” he says, when it becomes clear Cas is angling for something more than a smile that makes it look like he ate some bad tacos.

Cas takes him by the wrist. This time the syllables which come out of his mouth are almost frantic. His eyes are wide and imploring, and his voice cracks on the last word.

The truth, Dean. Tell him the truth.

“Look, I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean says. Confronted by the weight of his failings and his inadequacies, he flees. All the while, he feels Cas’ eyes on his back.

---

It gets worse.

Cas continues to mutter Enochian at him, alternating between frustrated, hurt, mocking, and pleading inflections. Each time, Dean looks at him in a mixture of helplessness and shame.

The last time Cas tries, there’s a faint snap and tingle of grace curling around the room. Dean can taste it in the air, ozone and electricity, before it makes the lamp closest to him spark and pop. “Great, now you’re killing the furniture,” comes out of his mouth before he can stop it.

Cas recoils as though Dean reached out and slapped him. He says something else in Enochian, his voice small and defeated. He won’t even look at Dean.

If Dean were a better person, he would come clean. He would apologize to Cas and beg his forgiveness. He would take Cas’ scorn and irritation and lump it in with the rest of the shit that’s gone wrong with his life, and they would move past this.

Dean’s not a good person. Hell, he’s not even an okay person. He’s a piece of shit who got a hell of a lot luckier than he ever deserved, and Cas is just naive enough not to realize that.

---

It gets worse.

Sam walks into the library one afternoon with a dazed look on his face which means he’s just emerged from being caught deep in a book. He runs his hands through his hair and only then seems to realize that Dean and Cas are sitting at opposite ends of the library, deliberately ignoring each other. The tension in the room is thick enough to cut.

“You guys okay?” he asks, glancing back and forth between them.

“We’re good,” Dean says shortly, flipping a page of his book with unneeded aggression.

Sam flicks his eyes towards Castiel. Cas looks over the top of his book, his eyebrows twisted in a scowl. He mutters something most definitely not English under his breath, staring at Dean.

Sam chokes on nothing.

“You all right there, Sammy?” Dean glances at Sam, only to see that his brother’s face is bright red.

“Yeah, I’m great.”

Castiel says something else in Enochian, sounding more forlorn than angry. Dean didn’t think it was possible for his brother’s eyes to get any wider. “Something you want to share with the rest of the class?” Dean asks. He keeps his eyes on Cas, but the question is meant for both of them.

“I think you two should really talk,” Sam says, looking back and forth between him and Cas. “I think you’re both missing some information.”

“What do you mean--” Dean pauses as the obvious answer comes to him. “Hold on. You can understand him?”

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not in the room,” Castiel says, proving that he can speak English just damn fine when he wants to. Then, because Cas is an asshole whose main job is torturing Dean, he mutters something in Enochian.

Sam snorts.

If he didn’t know he would later regret it, Dean would put both of them in the ground.

“Well, if you want someone to talk to you, then knock it off and speak English!” Dean snaps. “I’ve got no idea why you’re babbling on like that and looking like I kicked your puppy when I don’t answer.”

Cas scowls, the full wrath of Heaven in his eyes. He starts what sounds like it will no doubt be a lengthy tirade (in Enochian of fucking course), before he’s interrupted by Sam.

“Dean doesn’t understand Enochian, Cas!” he shouts.

Two pairs of eyes snap to Sam. Dean’s are filled with furious betrayal, Cas’ with frustrated confusion. Sam ignores them both, rolling his own eyes to the ceiling. “Yeah, look, I’m sorry to cut in your drama or whatever, and I’m sure that you two could keep this up for another three weeks, but I value my sanity. Dean, nut up and tell Cas you don’t speak Enochian. Cas, stop running into a brick wall and tell him what you want. I mean, good God, it’s like I have to do everything around here myself!”

Sam’s complaining never ceases as he peruses the shelves for the particular book he’s looking for. Both Dean and Cas are referred to multiple times as idiots, sometimes assholes, and once even idjits. Throughout his litany of abuse, Dean and Castiel refuse to look at each other, though Dean does feel a telltale prickling at the back of his neck several times. Every time he looks at Cas, however, the angel has his eyes firmly fixed on his book.

Dean wonders if Cas would get more pissed if he told him his book was upside down.

“You ever think about how much pain and agony you could save me if you two assholes would just talk to each other?” Sam finally snaps. Arms laden with books, he levels a fearsome glare at the both of them. “For homework, neither of you are coming out of this library until you’ve actually talked to each other like rational adults. And if you make any weird noises, I’m going to smother both of you in your sleep.”

He stalks out of the library, leaving Cas and Dean alone once more. Cas looks up from his book, finally realizing it’s upside-down, while Dean puts down his own book. They stare at each other for a long moment, then speak at once.

“Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t understand Enochian?” “What were you trying to say to me?”

They stop. Dean swallows, gathers up all of his manly courage, and speaks.

“So what were you trying to say to me? It must have been pretty exciting to get Sammy clutching his pearls.”

Cas tilts his head. He considers Dean for a long moment before he crosses the space between them. Cas leans forward, putting his hands on the arms of Dean’s chair. The gesture boxes Dean in, a turn of events which Dean doesn’t struggle against.

“Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t speak Enochian?”

Pinned beneath Cas’ gaze, Dean squirms uncomfortably. Now that it’s just him and Cas, his deception seems childish. Would it really have been the end of the world if he’d told Cas he was too stupid and selfish to learn his language? It would have just been another disappointment in Cas’ life, but has it been worth these past few days of being at odds with Cas?

Heat flushes along the bridge of Dean’s nose as he mutters, “I wanted you to think I was smart.”

Damn super-angelic hearing. Cas doesn’t miss a beat, though his forehead creases. “You wanted...what? Dean, you are smart.”

He says it so naturally, as though Dean doesn’t struggle over translations or speaking Latin or cross-referencing indexes or any of the thousand other things that seem to come naturally as breathing to Sam and Cas. “Yeah, sure, I’m a regular fucking genius,” Dean mumbles.

“You’re capable of finding the problem with a faulty engine with a single look. You built your own EMF meter out of a spare Walkman. Despite your efforts to hide it, you’re very well-read, and you have an innate understanding of some fairly complicated mathematics. I’m not sure exactly what humans qualify as intelligent, but I feel as though all of those skills count.”

Dean knows his whole face is red. Heat prickles along the tips of his ears and down his neck. “Jesus, Cas,” he mutters. Unable to withstand the force of those blue eyes, he darts his glance down towards the floor. “Most people don’t start sweet talking until the third date.”

“Well, I’m an angel,” Castiel says, smugly, as though that solves every argument (not a bad strategy; that line’s worked for Cas for years. What else can you say after that?).

“All right, I answered yours, now you answer mine. What were you trying to say to me?”

Amazingly, Cas’ cheeks color.

“Come on, Cas,” Dean wheedles, when Cas doesn’t immediately answer. “I told you mine.”

Cas looks off to the side. He actually shuffles his feet before he answers, “It was just a thought. I thought, maybe, we could...Never mind. It was stupid.” He looks back at Dean and rolls his eyes, showing how ridiculous he finds this whole trial. “I guess, roughly translated, it would amount of something like ‘If only he were as decisive as he is pretty, then there would be no problem’.” He forces a weak laugh. “I said it in the heat of the moment. I was frustrated.”

Dean blinks in astonishment. Only one fact has managed to slip through the tangle of Cas’s words. “You think I’m pretty?”

Castiel’s blush deepens. “Anyone who has eyes would think that,” he says, a little roughly.

An automatic flush spreads across Dean’s cheeks, but he’s able to ignore that. He’s much more interested in what else Cas might have been telling him. “And what was something else you said?”

Cas coughs. “’Your eyes are bright as the sunrise, yet they fail to see what is in front of them’,” he says. If possible, his already rough voice has deepened.

“Another.”

Cas doesn’t pretend coyness. “’You had my heart from the first time I saw your soul’,” he says, in a near whisper.

Dean can’t hold himself back. He snatches Cas’ hoodie in his hands and drags Cas down to his level. Cas lets out a surprised grunt before he gracefully collapses atop Dean. He’s barely managed to balance himself on Dean’s lap before Dean’s lip are on his.

Despite Dean’s rushed actions, the kiss is sweet and almost chaste. Cas’ lips are warm and chapped and utterly wonderful. At first, they’re stiff, but only for a second. Then Cas relaxes into the kiss, sighing happily as his hand cups Dean’s cheek. Cas’ stubble scratches against his chin. He’s going to bear the marks of Cas’ affection later, and he couldn’t be more thrilled about it.

Cas parts from him, but not far. In fact, he’s close enough to Dean that when whispers a phrase in Enochian, his lips brush against Dean’s.

A shiver of delight runs down Dean’s spine. Now that he knows the gist of what Cas was trying to say to him, Enochian fills him with illicit glee. “What did that mean?”

Cas kisses him again, adding a cunning sweep of his tongue across the seam of Dean’s lips. “’Of all the stars in the heavens, you shine the brightest’,” he translates, resting his forehead against Dean’s.

Heat floods through Dean once more. It’s everything he ever dreamed of hearing. It seems impossible that he could have it. There should be a rule against it. Dean Winchester doesn’t get what he wants.

Except, apparently, Dean Winchester does get what he wants, as evidenced by his lapful of angel murmuring Enochian endearments into his ear. “Hey Cas?” Dean tilts his head to catch Cas’ eye. “When I first saw you, sparks flew. How would you say that in Enochian?”

Cas thinks for a second before a smile spreads across his face. “I’ll teach you,” he promises, before he pulls Dean’s face towards him once more.

(Sam’s warning about making weird noises makes a lot more sense now.)

#destiel #destiel fanfic #destiel fic #deancas #deancas fic #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #canonverse fic #fluff #dothwrites

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cinnamonspice99 · 4 years

Text

Hey guys, so I got this ⬆ card on that 50 pull event, and this particular part of the history gave me ideas! I don't write that much (this is actually my second fic here on Tumblr) because honestly I’m lazy and I don’t think I’m really good at it, but well I needed to write my thoughts on potential things for that “spa day” with Diadaddy. I won’t give much context not to spoil the history of the card for you guys, so sorry about that. Please keep in mind that I’m NOT a writer and english is NOT my first language so forgive me for grammar/time/words mistakes, also feel free to comment if you liked it or if it is a constructive criticism. To anyone who reads it I hope you enjoy it and thank you for your time! 😊 (Also if you haven’t read my other/first fic pairing Lucifer and want to feel free to check it out too but I warn you I’m a horny b*tch so it’s also a NSFW hehe 😈 🤣).

DISCLAIMERS: 18+ NSFW; SEXUAL SCENARIO; MASTURBATION; FINGER PLAY; EXPLICIT LANGUAGE; A FEW CURSING; PENETRATION; MORE VANILLA THEN KINKY I GUESS.

Fandom: Obey Me!

Main characters: Diavolo and F!Reader.

Word count: 2,868K

Royal Treatment Spa Day

You were asking yourself how you ended up in this situation to begin with, in the moment you were sitting naked in a huge bathtub with roses petals, lavender and some other devildom flowers that you didn't know of floating in the milky waters at the big luxurious private bathroom of a famous Spa in Devildom, scented candles, incense burning and the distant sound of the decorative fountain adding to the relaxing environment . Except that you weren’t entirely alone, you were alone with the Royal Prince of Hell himself (who was also butt naked in said tub). You cursed Asmo for being the horny bastard that he was and Diavolo for asking you to go with him instead, but above all you cursed yourself for not knowing better what “a relaxing spa day for two” meant for the avatar of lust. (You also knew that Diavolo wasn't naive, taking advantage of the situation when it appeared before him smiling with “the purest intentions” at your oblivion).

“Ughh demons…” you thought to yourself.

But there was nothing to be done about it anymore and here you were completely nude with Diavolo right across you, in a place where you’re supposed to relax but being very NOT relaxed at all. You were trying to keep yourself not to look at him, focusing your attention on the fancy chandelier, the fire dancing in the candles or anything but those muscular tanned pectorals just above the water or the cocky side smirk together with an intense amber gaze the prince was giving you. You fidget a little and he chucke.

“What is it? Are you not feeling relaxed? Do you want me to get you something?” he asks seemingly worried.

“NO!” you scream and then immediately cover your mouth with a hand, he looks at you with amusement.

It was already hard enough not to look at him undressing to join you in the tub, and you were very thankful that the milky water covered things beneath it.

“I mean... no, thank you my lord… I’m… I’m good” you swallow, trying to look at his eyes without blushing and failing miserably at it.

“Are you certain my dear? For someone in a spa you look rather tense, does my company make you unconfortable by any way? I can leave if you…”

“Oh no my lord! This whole thing was planned to help you relax, and you don’t make me uncomfortable at all, so don’t worry. Is just that… well you see…” you trale off biting your lips.

“Yes? Carry on dear it’s okay.” he gives you a reassuring smile.

“Is just that, frankly, being naked with your highness… with you… makes me a little nervous that’s all.” you finally say it with a sigh.

Diavolo just looks at you for a moment and then he begins to laugh, his characteristic enthusiastic laughter, while you on the other hand stare right back at him with an incredulous look.

“Hey! Stop! Are you laughing at me?” you say pouting and splash a bit of the water at him.

“Of course not my dear I just think it’s cute, but don’t worry I would never do anything to make you uncomfortable on purpose or touch you without you wanting it” he says still laughing a little and with a surprisingly caring look that you didn’t remember ever seeing in his eyes.

“Even you being the most beautiful sight I had the pleasure to behold in ages ” he adds with a sincere yet intense look.

Immediately your face goes red and a fire starts at the lower of your stomach, you stay there looking at him without knowing what to say in return as he keeps his gaze at you, his smile fading from his handsome face, only his eyes now adding more and more to the burning inside you.

“I…what? I thought we had agreed not to look at the other as we undressed” you say in a moment of clarity.

“Yes we did. But can you blame a demon for giving in into temptation?” He answered with a deep voice, his tone serious for a moment.

“But don’t worry I just took a quick peak” his smile back again and you just reply sarcastically.

“A quick peak hun? Yeah right”

You both smile at each other for a moment and he says:

“See there’s nothing to be nervous about, it's just me. I’m glad you are more relaxed now but I do own you for breaking our promise, tell me how can I compensate you?” he asks.

For a moment several devilish possibilities cross your mind, pranks and challenges, but then you remember that he is the prince (and not one of the brothers, minus Lucifer clearly) also the sensation in your belly is still there and you look at him thinking about sliding your hands on those big arms or the muscles of his torso and back and… “wait wait wait WAIT” you think stopping before things get out of track.

“Well?” he asks, still waiting.

“A massage” you ended up saying.

He smiles.

“That’s hardly a punishment dear, but if it’s what you want me to do then come.”

“Wait right now?” you ask, surprised.

“Yes?” he gives you a funny look while you curse yourself yet again.

“shit I didn’t think that through” you think and hesitantly sits next to him with.

“Excuse me darling” he says before putting his hands on your shoulders.

You tense again for a moment and he leans in your ear and says in a smooth voice.

“Relax, you’re in good hands.”

A shiver runs through your body and you tighten the hold of your enlaced hands at your lap. He presses against the muscles of your shoulders for a while and his hands goes to your scapulas, drawing circles in there with his thumbs, until they found their way to the top of your spine where he slides then down pressing all it’s way and you close your eyes and squeeze your legs together letting a small breath out.

“Is that good?” He asks seeing your reaction, his deep voice oh so close to your ears.

His hands again drawing circles but this time at the base of back, you don’t reply afraid to open your mouth at all and letting any embarrassing sound out, instead you just shake your head in a “yes” as his hands slide to your waist and you let a tiny little moan out unconsciously.

“Oh. I guess it is” He says teasing and you are mortified.

“I’m so so sorry my lord, it’s okay you don’t have to continue it was a stupid idea I will…” you say as you start to move to get back at your side of the tub but he holds you firmly by the waist, right where you are.

“Why do you say that? I think it was a marvelous idea! I’m having a very pleasurable time, and clearly so are you…” he says from the crook of your neck, holding your back pressed firmly against his chest. You shake feeling his strong hold and his warm breath at your sensitive skin, the fire in your stomach now impossible to ignore, your pussy getting wetter with every second.

“My lord, I don't think we should…” you start.

“Diavolo.” he interromps “There’s no need to be so formal it’s only us in here” One hand goes to the back of your neck massaging there, as the other still holds you in place and starts slow movements at the base of your back .

“Hunm… Diavolo… I don’t think we should continue, we might do something we’ll regret later” you say a little breathless, unable to stop the clench between your thighs.

“Dear I’m positive I won’t regret anything with you, and I can assure you neither will you” he says in a sexy way giving a small kiss at your shoulder, stopping his hands and letting them rest at your waist again. You turn your head and look at him. That your core wants him is no secret for you, and you look at his eyes overflowing with confidence and lust, and at your own desire mixed with uncertainty.

“I’ve said before I won’t touch you without you wanting it as much as I do, if a massage is all you want then is all that you’ll receive. But... if you’re feeling like something more, then I’ll be honored and very happy to indulge you” he says in a strong voice.

For a moment you just keep looking at him, the two of you trapped in each other's gaze, and you think to yourself “Fuck it! We only live once.” and kiss him a little hesitant at the beginning, and when he presses you harder against him you can feel his dick twitch at you ass as he kisses you back with a ferocious need, devouring your mouth, you reach one arm to his head lacing you fingers in his red hair as his tongue invades you, conquering every spot, dueling, dancing with you own until you are gasping for air as he slides his hands down on your thighs, kissing and sucking at you neck, he squeeze your left thigh and bites you and you moan.

“Hunm, you have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to hear this” he kisses your earlobe, sucking at it as his hands go up your stomach.

“Diavolo” you call his name drunkenly, your core moist and throbbing for him.

“Yes darling?” he says lavishing your neck and running his hands around your breasts not really touching it.

“Stop teasing, please” you whine.

“If you want me to touch you more intimately you’ll have to ask dear. Give me your permission and I’ll kiss, and lick, and caress, and fuck you all over. You’ll be glowing and it won’t be because of the spa treatment sweetheart.” He chuckle.

You start grinding your ass against his bulge eliciting a grow from him “please touch me.” He smiles holding your jaw and turning your head to kiss you hard on the lips, the hand there going to your throat as the other slides it’s way down your body to your clenching pussy. He kisses you as he slides the tip of his fingers up and down your vulva, spreading your legs a bit more he circles and presses against your clit, getting you moaning between his lips, humming in return, until he enter you with three fingers at once and you scream, your head going back resting at his shoulders as he fingers fuck you.

“Hunm you like it when I touch you here dear? You’re such a little slut for me are you not?” he kisses your cheek but you don’t reply, just looking at him, his hand around your neck as his fingers curl and reach your g-spot, and you give a little cry closing your eyes at the sensation.

“It looks like I found you weak spot” chuckles “Lets see how long it takes to get you there darling” he speeds his ministrations adding a fourth finger as his thumb stimulates your clitoris. The hand on your throat goes down to your breasts playing with your nipples, pinching at it as he kisses and bites at your neck and shoulder, the constant thrusts of his firgers at your spot with the stimulation of your clit and nipples being too much.

“Dia… I… Ahh hun… I’m going to...” you try to warn him.

“Cum for me.” he demands.

And as if obeying a direct order you came with a loud moan as your body shakes and your back arch.

“Hunm that must be one of the sweetest sounds of all three realms” he says removing his fingers from you, your cunt immediately clenching again at nothing. “Here, taste yourself” he says bringing his fingers to your mouth and you suck at then cleaning your juices from it, you can feel his dick pulsating at your back and he kisses you again tasting your flavor on your own mouth. He then turn you around and gets up, you now can see him in all his mighty naked glory, and all you can do is look astonished at his thick girth, to say he’s big would be a euphemism “He’s huge” you think, and for a second and you worry he might just rip you open. You bring your gaze back at his face, passing it through his toned abs and chest right back at his eyes, and he looks down at you with a knowing smile. He offers a hand and helps you to stand taking a languid look at your bare body himself and you can’t control another clench, your pussy needy to be railed. He sits on the marble edge of the luxurious bathtub and taps at his lap with one hand the other holding his hard member.

“Look what you did to me dear” he says starting to stroke himself “Won’t you be a good girl and help? ”.

Smiling, you walk to him, your pussy as wet as it can be dying to be buried and stretched till the limits by his fat cock. You straddle him getting his member in your hand, he holds you and closes his eyes with a satisfied exhale as you sink at him, slowly, adjusting to his enormous size, biting your lips when finally he enters you completely. You never felt so full in your life, his dick reaching till your cervix just right.

“Shit you’re so tight.” he exclaims, his browns pressed together and he kisses you in a sensual and adoring way.

You start to move as he holds you tight, his kisses now making their way down passing your throat until his lips, teeths and tongue are at your nipples, sucking and licking as you bounce up and down at his girt, riding him, and he thrust at you, you both meeting halfway. He hits just the right spots while you on the other hand clench at him oh so deliciously with every movement. You are moaning and gasping and so is he.

“Fuck… hahh… yes baby don’t stop, just like that.. yes...” he praises you.

“Dia I’m getting close.” you say as the movements get harder and faster, both your climaxes fast approaching.

“Don’t hold back, scream for me” he says.

You meet him harder and harder and in no time you reach your limit point screaming his name in a high pitched voice, and with your walls clutching at him from your orgasm he soon follows reaching his own with a deep grunt, spaying his royal seed in your warm womb. With ragged breaths you collapse at his chest and he hugs you laying on the marble with you above him, still connected.

“Are you alright my dear?” he asks, caressing your back with one hand.

“Yes” you answer still in daze.

“Hahah now that’s what I call relaxing” he says in good spirits and you look at him. “Follow me to the palace later, Barbatos will give you a potion to avoid a possible pregnancy, and we can also have some tea” he says kissing your forehead and smiling content.

“What? You don’t want a little mixed heir my lord? You joke.

“Oh no darling, I would love to father your children, but I must make you my queen first don’t you think? He says, exiting you as he moves you both back to the warm waters of the bath.

“You’re joking right?” you say incertain.

He laughs again and replies in a conspiratorial tone.

“Yes… but you never know the future...”

“Barbatos does though” you say as he starts to wash your skin and press against your sore muscles.

“Indeed he does”

And that’s all he says, you decide to just let it go as you lean on him relaxing and enjoying his pampering. But you could never imagine that he wasn't really joking and where that afternoon would lead you in the not so far future.

#diavolo headcanons #obey me!#obey me imagines #obey me headcanons #obey me diavolo #obey me #obey me fic #obey me hc #diavolo

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chibimyumi · 4 years

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Hi!! I've been reading your blog for ours and my eyes are burning but I'm so satisfied!! I recently re read the manga after like 4 years I think? I already knew about the twins ofc but reading it again knowing that is so refreshing and is so obvious now!! Anyway I wanted to ask if I'm not being annoying; at the end of chapter 128 the interaction between o!ciel and Sebastián is not clear to me. Could it be the translation? Why does ciel asks "you wouldn't lie to me, would you?" And Sebastian replies, kinda looking sad, "regrettably I do not tell lies". Do you understand that interaction better? Sorry if I'm missing something obvious here

【Related post: Contract term 1 and Sebas cannot lie, at all!】

Dear Anon,

First of all, thank you so much for your kind words, they are very appreciated ^^ I do send my condolences for your lost hours and visual comfort though. Please take a 20 second break closing your eyes for every 20 minutes you read intensively (*´▽｀*)ノ💊 It is very important in this screen age. I’ve been doing that for the past 2 weeks, and it’s done wonders for me (*~∇~*)

Now without much further ado, your question. Judging from your transcription of the English version I would say it is not badly translated. It just misses a TINY bit of nuance. Just to be sure, let us first look at the original Japanese dialogue and a clinical translation.

お前は…僕に嘘は吐いていないな？

Omae wa... boku ni uso wa tsuiteinai na?

You [of all people]... have not done such thing as lying to me, right?

ええ、残念ながら、私は嘘は吐きません

Ee, zannnen nagara, watashi wa uso wa tsukimasen

Indeed, unfortunately, I [of all people] do no such thing as lying.

1. Explanation Ciel’s text

【Omae wa... boku ni uso wa tsuiteinai na?】

As I have frequently mentioned, Japanese is a null-subject language, which means that a subject is not necessary to formulate a full sentence. When the speaker does add a subject however, it means they are laying extra emphasis on the subject.

In this case, O!Ciel used ‘omae wa’ (you), which is the subject of the sentence. In a null-subject language this part is unnecessary, but as O!Ciel has added it, emphasis is drawn to this subject. So instead of a simple “you have not”, it effectively means “you of all people, you specifically, YOU, have not.”

【Omae wa... boku ni uso wa tsuiteinai na?】

Then O!Ciel says “uso wa” (lying) using the particle ‘wa’ instead of the usual ‘wo’. “Wa” is an emphasising particle, meaning that whatever precedes this particle is basically highlighted in neon, written in bold and italic. So rather than just: “you have not lied”, it is “you have done no such thing as lying”.

【Omae wa... boku ni uso wa tsuiteinai na?】

This last part is the only thing I would say is ““wrongly”” translated in the version you read. Instead of "you wouldn't lie", it should be “you have not lied.” This phrase is in is present perfect, meaning that O!Ciel asks his butler whether he “has lied at all in the past”. Not “you just don’t lie in general, right?” Because this question refers to actions in the past, we can assume this question is meant to refer to any information about what O!Ciel suspected might be relevant to what he is thinking; that his brother is back. More on this below in part 3.

So in short, in O!Ciel’s text, he highlights Sebastian (omae wa) and the lying (uso wa). The meaning of the message here is therefore:

“Other people might have lied, but YOU have not, right? You might have done many things, but LYING you did not, right?”

2. Explanation Sebas’ text

【Ee, zannnen nagara, watashi wa uso wa tsukimasen】

In the version you gave me Sebas says “regrettably”, but I would say that while the translation is not wrong at all, it might be a BIT too strong?

I myself propose “unfortunately”. In Japanese too just like English, ‘unfortunately’ is just a formal prelude to an announcement that the recipient might not like hearing. Like: “unfortunately the X brand toothpaste is out of stock, but we do have Y brand.” But, I am no native-level speaker of English, so I don’t understand all the nuances precisely. Perhaps ‘regrettably’ and ‘unfortunately’ are equally strong. Do tell me if anyone knows whether one is stronger than the other. But either way, in Japanese it is not very strong. It’s just Sebas mentally preparing his master to hear negative news.

【Ee, zannnen nagara, watashi wa uso wa tsukimasen】

Then comes the “watashi wa uso wa tsukimasen”. Like in O!Ciel’s text, here Sebas does use a subject too, namely ‘watashi wa’. As use of subject means emphasis, so it’s not just “I don’t lie”, but “others might, but I, of all people, don’t lie”.

【Ee, zannnen nagara, watashi wa uso wa tsukimasen】

Then there is the particle ‘wa’ again in the second half of the sentence, “uso wa tsukimasen.” Just like in O!Ciel’s text, the standard particle should have been ‘wo’, but as Sebas repeats his master’s ‘wa’, he also lays emphasis on the action that he would not do: “such thing as lying.”

In short, the full message of Sebas’ text would essentially be:

“Indeed, unfortunately (for you/me/us), I of all people, unlike others, absolutely do no such thing as lying.”

3. ‘What’ was not lied about?

Now we’ve broken down all the linguistic nuances and details of the spoken text, let us do some interpreting.

Though there is no confirmation, I think we can assume O!Ciel was referring to the conversation about his brother being eaten: “you told me that the price paid - my brother’s soul - can never return.” Though this was said BEFORE they sealed the first contract term, after signing all terms, Sebas confirmed again that eating Ciel’s soul was indeed taken as ferry fee.

Later again, O!Ciel asks the demon what happens to a soul after being devoured, and the contract-bound Sebas confirms in clear language: “it simply disappears”. This phrasing by Sebas is not open to interpretation.

O!Ciel first saw “who stole the candy from my tummy?” and started to suspect things. Obviously he KNEW his brother was dead, so rationally he pushed that possibility away from his head. But then later he saw Soma who was attacked and holding a piece of the photo of the twins. Seeing that photo gives an explicit connection to his dead brother, and then there’d only be so much O!Ciel could rationally do to wave away the thoughts about his brother. The possibility was screaming at him, after all.

The only source of information he could trust at that point was Sebas. By the time Sebas gave his master the unambiguous answer about his brother’s soul he could already no longer lie. HENCE, Real Ciel is definitely dead.

Then we need to explain the horror struck reaction of O!Ciel upon hearing his butler’s confirmation.

Normally you’d think that hearing somebody is dead would reassure you that somebody cannot come pester you. But to O!Ciel, that R!Ciel is confirmed to be ‘dead’ doesn’t mean he can’t be back; on the contrary. Both O!Ciel and Sebas know painfully well that the scythe-wielding-lunatic who can create zombies is still at large. Zombies can only be made if somebody is dead. Hence, having confirmation that R!Ciel is definitely “potential zombie material” is terrible news. Plus, every time the zombies appear, they are significantly more competent than the previous models.

I think O!Ciel has always had Undertaker’s zombie-creating ambitions in the back of his mind, but it wasn’t until now that the puzzle pieces fell into place. Yeah... that IS indeed awful news.

From Sebastian’s sorrowful expression we can say he is upset for his master’s sake, but I think he is mostly very sad for himself. The first time he tried to fight said scythe-wielding-lunatic he almost died, and the second time his arse was only spared because Undertaker didn’t bother engaging. “Unfortunately” indeed!

Well, that was it (*´▽｀*)ノ Though I am not 100% sure whether I read all of this correct, I at least hope this was some good food for thought. Cheers!

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