#sicko mode | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lets-get-kraken-boys · 2 years

Text

Hello Kitty Band-Aids~ // Dabi X Reader

Hi! I know what you're thinking, "LMAO Hello Kitty??? With Dabi??? Noooo, he's too badass for that!" Well, I'll have you know, only badasses roll with Hello Kitty! (≖ˇ3ˇ≖) Genuinely, this story started off with a whole different song as the inspiration, but it slowly shifted to this, and I could not be happier TBH! I CAME UP WITH AND WROTE THIS WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING PIECE IN ONE DAY. HOLY SHIT. I went absolutely bonkers for this. WOW, I guess I cannot contain the horniness I have for Dabi. I cannot believe how I came up with this, but I love how it turned out. I hope you enjoy reading! I am head-over-heels in love with stinky trash man Dabi (ᴖ◡ᴖ❀)💖

Reader Gender: Gender Neutral (They/Them)

Style of Story: Oneshot [Fluff!] // Originally, this was supposed to be an imagine. Short and sweet. Then it developed into this monstrosity because I can't control myself. Enjoy.

Word Count: 4.5K

Warnings: Excessive swearing (I'm talking so much LOL especially during the spoken lines), blood, wounds, threats (mostly made by Dabi and mostly empty), falling in love with a villain because Dabi is TOO HOT, etc.

💖

.☆.・∴.・∵☆:・∵.:・☆.☆.。.:★ :・∵.:☆.。.:・:・∵.☆:*・∵.

💖

"Hello Kitty! Play with us today

We'll laugh and sing on this lovely sunny day

All your friends are waiting for you

Ready to run and play!"

The two of you "lovebirds" met on very strange terms; him running from the police, and you sitting at home, comfy on your couch. It was an otherwise peaceful night in the (Y/N) abode, when out of the god damn blue, this battered and bruised body comes crashing through your window one full moon night. You? Well, you were simply being a normal sane human being and watching a good movie on your night off, when this disaster occurred. The scream you bellowed rivaled that of a Banshee when he flew in, but he didn’t react the same. When this psycho's body hit the floor, he was knocked out cold. Even from all the way across the room on your safe couch, you could see the huge gash marks all across his body, as well as the spreading blood leaking through those marks and from his shirt. Though you didn't know of his affairs only minutes prior, he was most likely exhausted from running for so long with so much blood loss, found your place, and decided to crash (literally) there.

You stood off the couch and crept closer to his unconscious body, contemplating your options. You knew who he was. Who didn’t? He’d been all over the news with the recent events regarding his crimes against that pro-hero training high school, UA. His name didn’t immediately come to mind in the stress of the situation, but it didn’t matter. He was a villain. He was a bad man. You should kick him to the curb, or maybe straight to the police, and make sure he can never wreck your peaceful Saturday night ever again.

But…

He looked…awful. That's to say the least.

Blood dripped from his fresh wounds, scratches and gashes littered his flesh, staples that previously held his marred skin together had now popped out, making his skin stretch and droop. His hands were singed with burn marks, whether it was from his pursuers or from his own quirk, you weren't sure. Not to mention all the cuts and glass suck in his skin from the window he just burst through. And his face. His brows were scrunched up together even while he was asleep, he was in so much pain that he was unconsciously showing it. His mouth was pulled into a frown. Half-soft, half-burnt lips bruised and red with a sizable tear on his upper lip. And…well…damn, he has a strong jaw. Could cut metal with that thing.

WAIT, WHAT?! No no no no nooooo! Do not think that! He's not hot. He's not cute. You do not find a villain sexy. Shut up, brain.

Anyways, you wrestle with the idea for another minute until you glance at his blood seeping onto the floor and curse. Fuck! You're only renting this apartment, and you cannot afford to pay for the replacement of the hardwood flooring! Not in this god damn economy with your shitty landlord. So, for certainly no other reason than to keep his inky blood from soaking into the wood flooring (and definitely not because you felt a little bad for how bad of shape he was in, nor because he was just the slightest bit cute), you dragged his limp body into your bathroom to fix him up.

Now, you're no doctor, but you know some of the basics of healing people. You've slapped on your fair share of band-aids in your day. How much harder can sewing up lesions in skin be! Plus, YouTube is readily available!

Turns out, they're much harder to do properly than you gave credit for.

After a half hour or so, he was nearly put back together. Most of the blood he was profusely spewing earlier you'd either stopped from coming out or it had coagulated on its own. His minor scratches you covered up with gauze, though, you soon ran out and had to use the backup Hello Kitty band-aids to cover the rest. What? Hello Kitty is adorable! Your eight-year-old niece loves her, and it makes you smile at the fond memories they bring. One time about two years ago, she and her guardian came over to hang out for the day. She was being a cute kid and showing off to her "favorite adult" (a label you bragged, and still brag, about to her peeved guardian all the time) all the tricks she's learned on her scooter. She was doing great! Until she wasn't. She fumbled one of the moves and promptly fell to the ground, scraping her knee in the process. She wailed and cried, until you busted out one of the cute Hello Kitty band-aids, and made her day all better again! You'll never forget her beautiful, wide, gap-filled smile as she reiterated that you were her favorite person in the whole world.

Being reeled back to the present, you focused on the task at hand. The larger wounds on his body you tried your best to stitch together, and though they were a little wonky and crooked, you'd say you did a fine job. You cleaned all of his wounds with alcohol and other medicinal items to the best of your ability. Now, it was finally time to clean him up.

You'd previously hung up his coat after you'd settled him in the bathroom. You took the bloody shirt you'd stripped off him earlier to access the wounds on his chest (and you totally did not admire his chest or abs while you'd fixed up his body) and yours that was now covered in his blood, and threw them in the washer. You shimmed into a different clean shirt, and skated back to the bathroom. Running a washcloth under warm water, you bent down to clean his crusty face. Wiping down his face, you cleaned the soot and dirt off of him. You minded the piercings, staples, and burnt flesh of the lower half of his face and eyes as you went along. You stopped to gently dab his busted lip. You leaned back after a minute admiring your work, looking for any other specs of dirt or debris, and decided he was all set. You wanted to leave him there to rest, both because you didn't want to move him too much too soon and because he was heavy as shit, even though he was as thin as a toothpick. But as you thought about it more, you realized leaving a highly dangerous villain unsupervised in a place he doesn't know where he could easily get the upper hand and attack you wasn't the best decision. So, reluctantly, you dragged him back to the living room and plopped his deadweight body down onto your couch.

Looking at the mess he made to your window and to the floor when he busted his way in, you sighed. Guess there's still more work to be done.

💖

.☆.・∴.・∵☆:・∵.:・☆.☆.。.:★ :・∵.:☆.。.:・:・∵.☆:*・∵.

💖

Dabi blearily awoke to the sounds of metal gentle clanking together, and the smell of something absolutely delicious invading his senses. Maybe it was just because he was famished because, if he remembers correctly, the League's cooking never smelled quite as good as whatever was wafting in the air. Wait, correction, they've never cooked shit since he's been a part of the group. Hell, he doesn't think any of them actually know how to cook without burning the place to the ground (himself included).

So, who the hell- where the hell- ugh, fuck it. His brain's too scattered to form questions.

He groaned as he sat up to investigate. His head felt like shit. His body felt like shit. He couldn't focus. Fuck, maybe he got a concussion. Just add it to the list of his issues. He swears when he finds those god damn heroes and police, he's gonna tear them apart limb by-

"Oh, look at that, Sleeping Beauty's awake. 'Bout time."

He nearly jumps out of his stapled skin at the gentle voice coming from across the room. With wide eyes and palms raised to blast scorching fire at any moment, he looks at you. You're just as wide eyed as he is, staring him down from what seemed to be your kitchen. So, the divine smell was coming from your cooking.

He looked you up and down, deeming you not a threat by the lack of any weapon or notable powerful quirk aimed at him. You didn't seem to be a cop either. He broke eye contact with you to look around. Painted walls, nice flooring, pictures and paintings scattered around the place, good view of the city outside. He's in your house.

Interesting. That answers one of his questions; where he is.

Now to find out who the fuck are you, and how stupid you are to have not turned him over to the authorities.

He looks back at you, not saying a word as he stares into your eyes. You fidget under his gaze. Okay, skittish. Nervous. Probably not a hero, nor are you probably gonna put up a big fight against him.

"Um...hi? The name’s (Y/N)…,” you mumble, subtly urging him to return the favor of giving a name. Though, the asshole doesn't respond, only continuing to stare with a blank expression.

"Okaaaay...well, nice meeting you too. Thanks for bursting through my window earlier." you roll your eyes, but get back to focusing on the meal you were cooking. Ah. He forgot about that. He looked towards the window that he obviously smashed through, seeing as it was the only broken one of the group. He glanced at the majorly clean floor directly below it, aside from the large red stain left of the ground. Whoops. Well, that's not his problem.

His eyes drifted further, back to his body. He realized he was laying on something plush, bouncy. Your couch. It's...nice. Nice to feel like he got a good rest. As good of rest as you could get with your body fucked up and half dead even before the chase from earlier. Much nicer than the ratty bed at the hideout. He noticed then the blanket bunched up on his lap. Due to the way it was clumped, it must have been lying up on his chest before he sat up. You tucked him in with it while he was unconscious. Fuzzy, soft. Huh.

Finally, he looked at his body. Looking past the old burns, it was covered in gauze and stitches. Nothing looked professional, everything was sloppily wrapped and jaggedly sewn. He imagined he looked like a kindergartener's art project with the way he was crappily put together. Nonetheless, something pink and glittery caught his eye.

A band-aid. Wait, no. A whole arsenal of band-aids. All themed in...

Hello Kitty.

There were currently more Hello Kitty band-aids on his body than whatever was left of his normal skin.

He looked back at you with a dead-pan expression.

"Really? Hello Kitty???" were the first words he spoke.

"Ah, so he can speak," you smiled to yourself, "And, yes. Hello Kitty. Got a problem with her?"

"Nah," he scoffed, twisting his arms around to see more and more of the cheerful cat, "she just doesn't really fit my style, 'is all."

"Hm, that's good. 'Cause I was gonna throw hands if you disrespected her." you joked, stirring whatever you were cooking in the pot. He huffed out a tiny laugh at your words.

While he sat calmly on the couch as if he owned this whole goddamn apartment complex, inspecting himself, you were not so calm on the other hand. HOLY SHIT. A VILLAIN IS CURRENTLY IN YOUR HOUSE AND IS MAKING SMALL TALK WITH YOU! While you were still quaking in your fuzzy night slippers, you tried to look on the bright side. At least he didn't immediately burn you to a pile of ash when he woke up like you half expected him to do.

"There's some painkillers on the nightstand next to you. I'd advise you to take them if you want to relieve the pain from your wounds a little bit. Or I think I have some antibiotic ointment somewhere around here that you can rub on them, if you'd prefer." you called to him as you spun around the stove and oven. He saw a few of the pills sitting patiently there, as well as the glass of water you'd left for him. Hm. What a dutiful nurse. He took the pills, tossed them back into his mouth, grabbed the water, and swigged it.

It was then he realized that he was both shirtless and coatless.

He looked back at the nightstand and noticed that his shirt, now stunningly clean with not a splotch of blood to be found, was folded neat and proper right there. As if it was waiting for him. Dabi looked around for his jacket, seeing it hanging up on the coat rack by your front door. A devious remark formed on his tongue as a wicked grin settled on his stupidly handsome face.

"Wow, sweetheart~," he began, slowly standing up so as to not open any of the stitching you'd so carefully given him, "using a poor, helpless man down on his luck in his sleep is really beneath you. I was starting to think you were a better person than that~," he teased, watching your eyes grow wide and your mouth open and close like a gasping fish, trying to find words that escaped you. Cute.

"Oh- shut up, you," you felt an embarrassed heat rise to your face even though the words that swiftly shot out of your mouth reeked of confidence, "I-I...I only took off your clothes to reach your injuries!"

"Uh-huh, suuuuure~," he prodded further, sliding on his coat, and moving back to the couch to rest, "and I wasn't bleeding out on your floor a bit ago." You huffed in defeat, not wanting to battle him on a rumor you knew he knew wasn't true.

"Speaking of which," he grunted as he sat down, "how long's it been since I oh-so gracefully entered your home?"

"Only a few hours. Three, or so." you answered. His response was simply a groan of acknowledgement. The conversation died for a minute, until you continued.

"Sorry I don't have any staples to replace the ones you lost. If I had some, I would have tried to construct you back together, Frankenstein's Monster. Though, I'd doubt you'd want me to put them in for you anyways." you piped up.

He side-eyed you and said in a monotone voice, "Oh, I get it. Ha ha. Very funny. Haven't heard that one before," he sassed. He continued, this time with a tone of sincerity, "S fine. I lose these fuckers all the time. Got more back at my place," he ended it there. You chose to follow his lead. Silence filled the room yet again, nothing but the clanking of the pots and pans filling the thick air.

In those few minutes you had to think, you came to a conclusion. As charming of company as he is, he can't stay here. It's too risky. Too risky for your safety, too risky for the other tenants, and too risky for the building. If someone other than you saw him flouncing around your apartment like he comes over every other day, things would not end well for either of you. You're a good person, and you don't want society to deem you a bad one just because you helped someone who was shunned by the masses. It's not right, but sadly, it's the way that it is.

"You eat. Then, you're gone." you decided to finally cut the stale tension. You held your breath, waiting for his response.

"Damn, kicking me out so soon? And here I thought we were having a good heart-to-heart," he shifted his body on the couch to face you, donning a crooked smirk on his face. Oh. A smirk. A smirk is better than anger, or, even worse, indifference. At least you know you're entertaining the criminal rather than pissing him off.

"Hey, you can't blame me," you turned to face him with your arms crossed, "I don't want the cops hanging around here. Who knows what would happen if someone figured out I helped and housed a...less than savory individual." You chose to mutter that last part to yourself under your breath. You might think he's okay so far, but many others in higher positions of power than yourself would disagree.

"So, you know." He stood from the couch. It startled you; the way he could switch his emotions from 0-100 in milliseconds. One minute ago, you two were laughing about a stupid printed band-aid, and now you're scared you pushed too many buttons too quickly.

Your hands shook, and you dropped the cooking utensil in your hand, "K...Know what?" He snaked across the room with no hesitation or issue, like the spacious distance he covered so quickly was nothing to him. You wanted to not back down, to not show any fear like him, but it was impossible with this large of a threat coming so close to you. You inched back as he breached the kitchen.

At that moment when he stood like an impenetrable wall directly in front of you, when he lowered his face to look directly in your eyes, when his own lips were only a few inches from your trembling ones; his name finally came to mind

Dabi.

"You know I'm a villain...," Dabi finally whispered. His breath was laced with the overwhelming scent of cigarette smoke and some kind of strong whiskey. A combo that wasn't exactly pleasant like fresh roses, but who needs roses when it shook you down to your core (scared horny). BUT GOD DAMMIT, THAT SHOULDN'T MATTER RIGHT NOW!!! Why is it that even when you're stuck in this very vulnerable position with this highly dangerous criminal, you can't get your mind out of the filthy gutter?!?!?!

"Y...Yes?" you wanted your words to be strong and unwavering, impress Dabi with your bravery, but they were meek and hooked up at the end to form a question more than anything.

"So," he suddenly wrapped his powerful arm around your waist and walked you back to the nearest wall. You yelped at the intrusion of your space, and again when his other arm caged you into the space as he leaned his hand against the wall, "why?"

"Why what?!" you squeak out to him, lightly pushing your hands against his hard chest in an extremely weak effort to get him to back off. Please move away, powerful and sexy man, before you melted into a puddle of goo and made a fool of yourself.

"Why would a sweet, innocent civilian help the big, bad villain?" he finished. You were stumped at his question as you too had been debating it in your head for the last few hours. Why? Why did you heal him? Why did you give him shelter? Why did you protect his whereabouts from the police and heroes? Why were you cooking him food!? WHY?!

You took a deep breath, shook off whatever nerves you could as fast as you could, and looked him dead in the eye, "I saved you because I saw not a villain, not a wanted man, but a person bleeding out on my floor. A person in need of help. If I didn't help you, how could I call myself a decent person after idly standing by as someone dies on my watch?"

Saved. That word caught Dabi's eye. You think you didn't just help him, rather, you saved his life.

Hm.

Oh, this could be fun~!

After letting your words have a chance to hang in the air for a moment, Dabi's face curled up into a sinister grin. Which made yours instantly fall. Shit. You fucked up. He didn't like your answer. You're screwed. Goodbye, world. Goodbye, Hello Kitty. It was nice to see your happy face before burning to death.

"I see, little hero~," he teased, leaning back and taking a step away from you. He was still cornering you, but he'd at least given you some space to breathe properly. You took a few more shaky breaths to calm your nerves, not fully dropping your guard in case he was simply torturing his prey before enacting the kill.

"How brave of you to care for the dastardly villain. Heh." Dabi chuckled to himself. He turned around, and sauntered off to the living room. You didn't pursue him, you couldn't even if you wanted to with how similar to Jell-O your legs were as they had begun to wobble. As to not fall flat onto your face, you slid down the wall, and planted your butt onto the ground. Dabi fixed his coat, and stalked off to the broken window.

As he bent his leg up and took one step out of the window, he looked back at you. He looked ethereal, practically glowing in the moon's beams that shined through the city. His turquoise eyes bore into your soul, as if marking it with their own special burn as a parting gift. You couldn't forget those eyes, not after seeing the hope in them. How extravagantly his emotions swirled in them.

He spoke in a rumbling voice, "Not gonna say goodbye because this isn't one. You're something. Definitely something. I like things that catch my eye. And you...you certainly have. But be wary of who you expend that kind heart of yours to. I went easy on you this time, but there are plenty of people in my line of work who aren't willing to give civilians like you a chance. Can't have my newest interest be clipped so soon~," he smirked at you.

"See you later, little hero," Dabi called.

Before he could climb fully out of the window and off to who the hell knows where, you found your words and snarkily yelled, "You're welcome anytime, Dabi! Though, maybe next time don't come barreling in and breaking stuff. The front door works just fine. If you hurt yourself, I'll just have to stick more cute band-aids on you!"

He paused at the name drop, looking back at you with shock. But the shock quickly faded as a grin took its place. He let out a genuine laugh this time. One that made your heart flutter.

"I'll think about it, (Y/N)~," he winked. And with that, he turned around and sped off on the fire escape.

You watched the window, heart still jumping in your throat at his words. You eventually let out a small sigh, "Bonding with a villain over Hello Kitty band-aids...what exactly has my life come to?" You continued to mindlessly stare at where the dashing man had so quickly entered and left your life. Slowly, your mind became less foggy, and you only now noticed a pile of something on the ground. It lay near the spot on the couch where Dabi sat not long ago. Curious, you walked over to it. Bending your knees, you grab one of the items, and throw your head back in frustration.

A small pile of Hello Kitty band-aids had been dumped unceremoniously on the rug.

You growled, "Pussy. How wasteful! I put them on so carefully too...oh, well, I guess." you scooped up the pile and waltzed over to the trash can in your kitchen.

"Sorry, Hello Kitty," you apologized to the inanimate objects as you threw them in the trash, "he's just not used to the 'bad bitch' lifestyle."

You looked over at the abandoned food on the stove. Black curling smoke was rising from all of the pots and from the stove, an image that made your vocabulary lit up with curses, "GOD DAMN FUCKING HELL!!!!! DABI, YOU SLEEZY FUCK!!! YOU MADE ME BURN MY FUCKING FOOD!"

💖

.☆.・∴.・∵☆:・∵.:・☆.☆.。.:★ :・∵.:☆.。.:・:・∵.☆:*・∵.

💖

A few floors above your apartment, Dabi sat idly on the rooftop. He gazed wordlessly upon the colorful city, smoking a cigarette placed between two of his fingers. Though, the stick was harder to grip than normal due to a lone Hello Kitty band-aid clinging to his pointer finger. Noticing the cutesy wrapping, he scoffed.

Snuffing out the cigarette, Dabi brought his finger closer and twisted it around, watching it glitter in the moonlight. He moved to rip it off, wanting for it to fall the same fate as the countless others he'd removed in your apartment, but something stopped him. He brushed his opposite hand's thumb against the protective paper as if he was mesmerized. It made him think of your touch, your laugh, your smile. How you had so much care to give to the world that you would spend your time saving a ruthless bum like him from Death's doorstep. You're too good for this lousy, undeserving world.

He thinks back to the ideology of Stain, the blueprint he follows so closely in his methods of destruction. In his master's very own description, your traits all point to that of a true hero. One of the rare few this world truly has left. Someone who does things not just for their own benefit, not for money, not for fame, but because they genuinely want to help others. They genuinely want to help this world thrive. Too bad you were a nobody civilian. And too bad he was a...

"Tch," he shook his head at his own disgustingly mushy thought. Sappy bullshit. Damn, what the hell had you done to him? Maybe that was your quirk. Effect his emotions and shit like that. However you managed to dig those up out of their graves, he'll never know. But even he has to admit, it felt...sorta...good to be cared for.

"Guess the nickname fits you after all, little hero~," he mumbled to himself and the moon.

He knows he shouldn’t be so weak for a nobody who he met completely by accident only a few hours ago. He’s got goals, goals that mean more than risking it all for some dumbass who saved his skin once. But he forgot what real kindness felt like after living so long in a world of darkness and constant backstabbing chaos. He missed those conversations. He missed the days in the sun. He missed being treated like a person and not like a weapon or a maniac. He missed...ugh, whatever.

Whenever the soonest date he can see you again comes, he'll be there.

"Hello hello kitty! Hello dear friend

Your smile's pretty like a flower that's in bloom

Love is in your heart and things are happy too

Hello hello kitty! Play with us today!"

💖

.☆.・∴.・∵☆:・∵.:・☆.☆.。.:★ :・∵.:☆.。.:・:・∵.☆:*・∵.

💖

Well, damn. (ﾟ Дﾟ ;) This ended up much longer than I intended it to be! ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡ BUT OH WELL, I GUESS! Hope you enjoyed my filthy brain ideas!

Song: "Hello Kitty and Friends - Intro Theme" // Lyrics found on: Theme Song

{I did not make Hello Kitty, nor do I own her. I did not make this song, nor do I take credit for it. These items listed belong to the original creators.}

127 notes · View notes

simphellscape · 6 months

Text

the longest night | tenya iida

after his U.A graduation, denki kaminari decides to throw one last celebration before everyone moves on to their next big adventure. a certain uninvited guest signs himself up for his most unexpected adventure yet, and he is completely unprepared for the long night ahead.

tw: drugs, cursing

On a particularly warm evening in August, Denki Kaminari invited his classmates to his parents’ condo for a summer reunion. Sure, it hadn’t been terribly long since he’d seen them last, but even he realized the permanence of graduation and the weight it held for graduates of U.A. specifically. In the two weeks since his high school graduation, many of his friends had already begun preparing for their next big conquest: hero work. He could practically feel the ties that he’d built with all of these people starting to snap, and there was absolutely no way he would let that happen.

So, he sent a message to the group chat he shared with his pals, telling them to head over to his place at around 8:00 that evening and to spread the word. He spent the entirety of his day preparing the necessary ingredients for a successful party (with limited knowledge on the subject himself): plenty of alcohol, a smattering of weed and weed snacks, a heap of junk food, and a few card games that looked fun.

People start trickling in at around 8:15, then arrive in droves shortly after.

Now, at approximately 9:15, Denki is confident that at least half of Japan’s population has gathered in his parent’s modest condo. Satisfied, he climbs onto his most destructive party guest’s back without warning.

“Yo, what the fuck? Are you already shitfaced?” Bakugo shouts, swatting Denki.

“Shh, no, I’m not! I want to make an announcement!” he replies, slapping Bakugo’s hands away.

“And what does that have to do with me?”

“I need leverage. You’re taller than me.”

“By like two inches!”

“It’ll be five seconds, lighten up.”

Before Bakugo could protest any longer, his host had already wriggled his way onto his shoulders, and everyone was looking. Although he was notoriously hotheaded, he’d begun to understand the importance of upholding decent appearances in public.

“Oh, sweet! Everyone’s already paying attention,” Denki smiles.

“Get on with it,” Bakugo reminds him through gritted teeth.

“Right. Glad everyone could make it! Drinks and brownies,” Denki pauses to wink exaggeratedly, “are in the kitchen. I’ve got lots of cool games we can play, and Present Mic got me this sweet sound system as a grad present! So, yeah, go nuts! Just… not too nuts because this is my parent’s place.”

With that, he unceremoniously hops off of Bakugo’s shoulders. Bakugo opens his mouth to share a few choice phrases with his friend, but is quickly interrupted by a loud bang.

“I came as soon as I heard!” a familiar, but universally unwelcomed voice cries out.

One of Denki’s classmates, the only one that Denki explicitly did not invite, stands directly in the center of his living room. Immediately behind him is the front door of the Kaminari family home, hanging by a thread off of its hinges. Surrounding him, horrified teenage faces and a few spilled red solo cups.

“Man... Iida, I just said not to go too nuts! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

“Don’t fret, Kaminari! I prepared for this very circumstance!”

The man in question, Tenya Iida, drops the two cases of water nestled in each of his arms to the ground to access his backpack. From it, he pulls out two loaves of bread, a family sized box of Pepto-Bismol, an equally large bottle of ibuprofen, several pairs of identical glasses, and finally, a toolbox.

“You see, in situations like this, caution could be thrown to the side. I brought my personal set of tools, specifically for any damages that may occur!”

He sets the box down, adjusts his glasses, and sighs.

“I do apologize for my oversight, dear friend. I understood that it was urgent that I attend this gathering, as class representative.”

“Yeah, man, I guess I forgot to let you know… you’re not here to tell us all to go home though, right?” Denki clarifies.

After a brief pause, Tenya responds.

“If I’m being completely transparent, I considered it. However, I then recalled a study I came across during my recreational reading hour today that outlined the pros and cons of indulging in activities such as this in moderation. Occasional alcohol consumption is perfectly normal, as long as it’s done safely. It is my number one duty as your class representative and the pro-hero Ingenium to assure the safety of my mates, along with the citizens of the world. So, I decided to attend and uphold my duties!”

Without another word, Iida marches to the door, tool set in hand, to repair it. The buzzing of mutters settle across the room for a moment, until Denki figures out how his new surround sound system works. Quickly, everyone forgot about Tenya’s presence.

It took him approximately ten minutes to fully repair the door. With the nature of Tenya’s quirk, he became incredibly skilled with household tools at a young age. After packing his tools into his knapsack, he turns his attention back to the party.

A song in English plays over Denki’s speakers, with more than a few protanities peppered throughout. A majority of the people in the room have a very firm grasp on the English language, but Tenya has an iron grip on it. In his years of learning it, he dedicated time after school into learning some less scholastic phrases, so that he would never misspeak if chatting with a native English speaker. It ended up doing him some good, as a lot of the people in the room were mindlessly chanting along to the song without knowing the true connotations. Shaking his head, Tenya left the room to embark on a patrol of the house.

He strolled along the perimeter, keeping an ear out for any noises of physical or emotional distress. To his relief, he found the various hallways and corners completely deserted. Satisfied, he makes his way to the kitchen.

He discovers a long table filled with various goodies there: pizzas, chips, dips, brownies, cookies, and the like. It’s alluring. Tenya arrives at a crossroads. He thinks aloud, to nobody.

“Hmm… everyone else in attendance tonight is indulging in things they normally would not be. Of course, ingesting alcoholic beverages could potentially damage my engines. However, it is proven that carb-heavy foods produce an effect similar to the state of drunkenness! Perhaps I could indulge a bit too, as long as I train more rigorously in the morning.”

With that decision made, Tenya peruses the table, pondering on how long it had been since he’d broken his strict diet.

He had pizza last on the night of graduation. A handful of chips two weekends ago. It had been several years since he’d had a pastry, however. The last time he recalled having anything close to a brownie or a cookie was when his classmate, Rikido Sato, prepared a fruit pie for the first celebration his class held at their dormitory. Even then, he only had one bite.

Now, if Tenya was going to truly indulge, he wanted to make it count. He inspected both the plate of cookies and the pan of brownies very closely, wafting the smell towards his face as one would with dangerous chemicals in a laboratory. After more careful thought, he reached for the pan of brownies.

Upon the first bite, the taste of chocolate raced across his taste buds. As it spreads, Tenya can practically feel his dopamine receptors going into overdrive. Halfway through his bite, he notices an edge of something unfamiliar… almost earthy. He doesn’t dislike it; in fact, it leads him to believe that they might be better for him. Perhaps they’re gluten-free, or low-sugar. An odd choice for a party, but he’s certainly not complaining. After shoving the rest of the brownie in his mouth, he goes for another one and completely devours it. He regards the pan of brownies once more.

“Since they seem to be a healthier brownie…”

He reaches for one more with the intent to savor it. He certainly takes his time with this one, enjoying the nuances of this delicious, ambiguously healthy treat. As he is about to take his final bite, another classmate enters the kitchen.

“Hey, Iida, wha-- oh, shit.”

Tenya turns to find Kyoka Jiro standing a few feet from him, white as a sheet. An inexplicable look of horror is spread across her face.

“Hello, Jiro! Wonderful to see you.”

“What are you eating?”

“Oh, this?” Tenya asks, raising the last bite of his brownie, “I know it’s unusual to see me with junk foods, but I decided to treat myself, much like all of you are tonight!”

“That’s not a brownie.”

“I did notice that it wasn’t an exact replica of the brownies I have tasted in the past. Is there another name for this low-carb, chocolate treat?”

“No, Iida, those are edibles. How many did you eat?”

“Oh, Jiro, you have always been a jokester. Of course they’re edible! See?”

Tenya lifts the last bite to his mouth.

“No! Stop!”

He pauses and regards Kyoka, quizzically.

“What seems to be the issue?”

Jiro scrambles over to her friend, snatching the brownie from his hand and stuffing it into her own mouth.

“Okay,” she mumbles over her full mouth, “so, these brownies have been... tampered with.”

Tenya gasps.

“Who would do such a thing?”

“No, no, it was on purpose. Uh--”

With that, Katsuki barges into the kitchen with his usual gusto.

“Who’s doing all that fucking shouting?” he shouts.

For the first time in recorded history, Katsuki takes a moment to appreciate his surroundings. He notices Kyoka, swallowing hard with chocolate crumbs around her lips. He sees Iida, looking very confused with even more chocolate crumbs decorating his face. Finally, he clocks the tray of weed brownies, with a full row completely missing. He absolutely loses his mind, cackling.

“Oh, this is so fucking funny,” he wheezes.

“Alright, I understand that this is all very amusing for you two, but I am, unfortunately, out of the loop,” Tenya asserts.

“They’ve got weed in them, you idiot!” Katsuki reveals, at long last.

Tenya’s mind goes immediately, alarmingly blank. His heart starts beating impossibly fast. His palms become slick with sweat at once.

“Marijuana? That’s impossible,” he finally chokes out.

“Oh, it’s possible,” Katsuki grunts, wiping the tears from his eyes, “and you’re about to be really fucked up.”

Of all the things he expected to encounter at this party, vomit, blood, tears, even law enforcement… something so incredibly illegal was something that had never even crossed his mind. His first instinct is to feel betrayed, and then he recalls a statistic on illicit drug use that he read recently. Not anticipating recreational drugs was a huge oversight. He could be angry later, if he so chooses. Right now, however, he needs to accept accountability and prepare for the journey he is about to take.

“I understand. I know this may come as a great shock to you, but I’m uneducated on the effects of marijuana in large quantities. I assume you both have used this drug before?”

Both Katsuki and Kyoka nod; Katsuki with fervour and a scoff, Kyoka calmly and wordlessly.

“What will happen to me?”

Katsuki opens his mouth to speak, but Kyoka interrupts.

“With all due respect, Mr. Lord Explosion Murder, I’ll take this one.”

Katsuki groans and crosses his arms over his chest.

“In about twenty minutes, you’re going to start to feel a bit… looser. Your brain might feel like it’s running slower than normal. Your body might feel a bit lighter and more relaxed. You’re probably going to feel hungry -- do not eat more brownies, please -- and everything will seem a bit funny and confusing. After a while, you’re probably gonna want to find a place and sit there, because it’s probably gonna be hard to move. Honestly, I don’t know how strong the brownies are, so you might green out, might not. You probably will, though.”

“I’m sorry… ‘green out’?”

“I’m sure you know what happens when you drink too much alcohol, right?”

Tenya nods, slowly.

“The same thing can happen if you have too much pot. You pass out, you throw up, you might even forget about the whole thing if you’re lucky. You definitely won’t die, though. You’d have to have about fifteen of those pans in, like, five minutes.”

“Memory loss doesn’t seem very fortuitous to me.”

“I was being sarcastic. Listen,” Kyoka sighs, “do you want someone to bring you home, or maybe call an Uber? I know you ran over here… and you’re definitely not gonna be able to do that anytime soon.”

Tenya’s normally rigid posture becomes even more so.

“Absolutely not! I promised my classmates that I would be here to assist them, and I will fulfill that promise to the best of my abilities!”

“Okay, I’m gonna let Denki know, then.”

With that, Kyoka leaves the kitchen, a still-chuckling Katsuki following close behind. Tenya lets out a deep sigh. He’s not entirely sure that he has the facilities to undertake this endeavor. He’s not at all like Kyoka, or Katsuki, or anyone else who would partake in this drug knowingly. He’s not carefree like them. Sometimes, he wishes ‘going with the flow’ came as easily to him as it did with many of the people he knows. If it did, then maybe he wouldn’t be so scared right now.

Tenya’s been in many situations where his life was in imminent danger, but he had friends who fought along with him, and he had training to base his decisions on. In this situation, he has no idea what to expect, what to do, or how he’s gonna make it home at the end of the night -- let alone what his family would say if they heard about this.

A fuzzy sensation creeps up Tenya’s spine. His heart rate spikes again, certain that this means his journey is starting much sooner than he thought it would. He sets his brow, takes a deep, calming breath, and begins searching the Kaminari residence for a comfortable place to rest. This is, without a doubt, going to be the longest night of his young life.

a/n: i’m back(ish) and i’m posting crack lol. i could probably write the rest of this if someone wanted it. ask and you shall receive. check the tags for my picks for the naughty english song playing on the sound system hehe

4 notes · View notes