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poormeowmeowcollector · 3 years

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Two Gals Sitting On An Elevator Because They're Not Gay

Pairing: Lady Loki/Female Reader

Warnings: claustrophobia, panic attacks

Summary: with the power cut off, you get trapped in an elevator with Loki.

Notes: after being tempted by a certain lady *coughcough* @lucywrites02 *coughcough*, my bisexual thirsty ass needed Lady Loki, okay?

Read On AO3

You're pacing down the corridor, the shoes slamming rhythmically on the tile floor. It's just your first meeting and you're already late.

You slide into the elevator right before it closes, pressing the button and staying put in a corner.

"Good day," a posh voice greets. You turn to face a woman around your age, black locks of hair framing her sharp and pale face, her green eyes scanning you. She's also dressed nicely, a black leather jacket and jeans with old boots and a green tee, some gold jewelry here and there. And she is holding four cups of coffee, the biggest ones the shop inside the Tower has to offer.

"Good day," you smile and nod, eyes still on her. You can swear she looks familiar, apart from illegally attractive. "Excuse me, but have we met again? You look familiar," you mutter, already regretting it. Gosh, you sound like a freak.

"Perhaps from the TV, when the attack took place," she answers, voice low and deep. You stop and think for a bit. The only women on the TV from back then were Agent Hill and Agent Romanov, and this woman is much taller and paler than both of them. You're ready to ask for more information, in hope of recognising her.

"Apologies, I looked different then. I'm Loki," she explains, a tint of anxiety in her eyes.

"It's fine, don't bother with it. Oh, by the way, what're your pronouns?" you ask, secretly glad to see that anxiety dying out.

"Thank you, she/they for now," she smiles, still small and distant. You nod and stay silent, feeling that there's nothing more to add to the convention. Loki agrees with it.

There is a silent agreement among humanity, one that says that we cannot stare when inside an elevator. But your eyes can't stop trying to steal glances. It's not the superhero fact, you knew very well that you needed to acknowledge the fact that you're on the tower and respect those people's boundaries the moment you got the job. It's how damn beautiful they are, even though she's just standing there.

Then, you can't stare altogether, because the lights are out and the elevator comes to a halt.

"What just happened?" There's an obvious panic on Loki's voice, accompanied by a small breeze.

"Probably the power was cut off. A second generator or the reactor will turn on again soon, don't worry. We just need a light so we don't bump into each other…" you mutter, trying to find your phone.

Which you, apparently, forgot at home when you rushed here. Great!

"Do you happen to have something that can light up the place?" You ask, trying not to groan. A small lantern appears on the centres of the small box, lighting it up with a green light.

"Nice, relaxing," you smile at Loki, watching as they nod from their tiny corner. You sigh and go to the door, trying to open it.

"Allow me," Loki appears from behind you and digs her fingers into the small split, the metal bending around them. With one flex of their hands, the doors are torn apart, only to reveal a wall. There's no light or air coming from below or above, you're trapped exactly between the floors.

"JARVIS, tell Stark that we're here," she sighs and turns towards the black screen that is supposed to be the board. Nothing happens.

"Maybe the AI needs power to work. They'll find us. Until then, we should get comfortable," you suggest as you sit down, facing the green lantern. Loki hums but doesn't sit. Instead, they walk around in circles like a caged animal and mess with their fingers (the coffees are on a corner), an obvious nervous gesture.

Without thinking about it, you grab your fidget toy from your bag and wait until Loki walks in front of you so you can kick her gently. "What?" They ask, glaring at you. You smile and offer the toy, watching her expression becoming softer as she takes it and starts messing with it instead of her fingers.

"I apologise, but I don't have the best experience with closed rooms, they're like cages," they laugh, the nervous kind of it.

"No need to apologize," you shrug, mentally trying to think of a way to make it more bearable. Damn, you should have searched for it while you had the chance…

The elevator gets colder, distracting you for the mental barade on how ignorant you are. "Could we run out of air?" Loki asks, stopping the walk and staring at you.

"There's a vent on the ceiling and air coming from the holes in the door so, no," you take it literally. It probably won't help but she still nods and tries to smile.

They sit down, opposite to you, and keep playing with the toy, eyes lost. Her lips are muttering things in a language that comes to your ears as a combination of trills, groans and gagging sounds. Their skin becomes clammy and pale and their eyes glassy, shoulders jumping up and down faster than before.

You're not an expert, but this is not a good sign.

Your breath comes out visible from the cold as you call Loki's name. She doesn't respond. Instead, they throw the toy down and curl into a ball, head hidden and something between wheezing and sobbing coming out of them. Her hands, tight around her curled feet, have a green glow on the fingers, like fire threatening to burn everything down.

You move closer and call their name again, hoping you won't starle them and make it worse. She doesn't flinch, but doesn't respond either. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay. You're safe. You will be fine, alright? You'll be fine," you whisper, again to no avail.

You try to run your hand against the green flames, still repeating those words and warning her. It covers your fingers too, giving you a numbing sensation of a sleeping limp.

Then, Loki literally grabs you like you're a teddy bear and squeezes you, but gives you enough freedom to do the same. You're afraid to apply pressure but they squeeze you back, almost asking you to mimic them.

So, you hug each other for dear life, your hands drawing patterns on her back. Against your body, their heart pounds like it's going to break out and their lungs move faster than light, their whole body shaking and feeling clammy and cold. She's resting her head against your shoulder, tears streaming down as she fights for air.

"Shhhh, it's okay, it's okay. You'll be okay. It will pass, I promise. Just try to breathe and wait, okay? You're not alone in this one, you're not. Everything will be okay," you whisper again and again against their ear, hoping to help somehow.

It takes time and effort for Loki to finally draw a full breath, even though a shaky one. You smile and praise her for it, happy to hear the next ones being more full of air and feel her body steady.

But there's a cold wave again.

"Sh- I'm so sorry… I-I… I had no control…" they mutter and break the hug, head hanging down with shame.

"Since you're better, it doesn't matter," you smile, trying to find her hand again. She's quick to cup yours with hers, squeezing and tracing lines with her thumb.

"Then, thank you," they raise their head and give you a weak smile, eyes still glassy from the tears.

"Don't mention it. Em… do you want me to step back, give you space?"

She nods a no. "Actually, I would ask for the exact opposite," they whisper, trying to maintain the smile. You turn around and sit beside her, your upper body resting against the metal wall.

"You're free to go ahead, you know," you let them know. Without a warning, not that you needed one, she tangles her hand against your and lays on your shoulder, breathing heavily. You move your own hand against their waist, bringing them closer.

"Can I ask, why do you feel so safe with me? You're literally a goddess," you ask.

"You aren't a threat. When you," she stops to take a breath, "when you touched my seiðr, it felt safe," they explain, voice wheezing just so.

"The green fire thing?" You furrow your brows. Loki gives you a hum.

Neither speaks for a long time, you stay put where you are. But it's not awkward at all. In fact, it's quite comfortable. She stays there, the small and occasional squeezing on your side by her hand is the only proof that she hasn't fallen asleep, but it's obvious how the attack drained her.

Then, they start humming a tune, completely foreign to your ears.

"What's that song?" You ask out of the blue, praying you won't starle her.

"An old lullabye Frigga used to sing to me and Thor when we were small. She said it has a protection spell to keep creatures of the night away," they sigh. Only from the myths, you recognise the name.

"It probably is inappropriate to ask, but do you mind singing it out loud? The melody sounds sweet," you suggest, voice small. Loki chuckles.

"My singing is terrible in this form, I was unfortunately trained to sing only with the male voice and there's no way I'm turning into him anytime soon,"

"Oh, okay then," you nod at her response, convinced that that's the end of the discussion. Loki stays silent for some long moments, and then they straighten themselves against the wall.

"Come, lay here. If I am to do it, better do it the way she did," she argues, petting her thigh. Whatever bisexual alarms exist in your brain start beeping like bomb sirens from the WWII, so loudly that you swear they can hear them.

"We're strangers…" it's all you manage to say. Loki responds with a shrug.

"Yes, and?"

You nod and do as she commanded, your eyes put on hers. They smile and take some deep breaths, you don't know if it's to gather courage or air.

Then, she starts singing. The sounds are still rough and hard, like their mumbling earlier, and the melody is completely foreign to your ear. It doesn't stop it from being magical. You soon close your eyes and find yourself relaxing in her lap, drunk in her voice.

Their foot jerks, hitting your head and making you groan as you land face–first on reality. "You could at least pay some attention," she scolds, icy eyes glaring at you.

"I'm sorry, I got lost in the song. But your singing is stunning," you try to explain yourself, but their face doesn't seem to soften.

"You could use a better lie, I sound like a dying goose," she maintains her serious face, or façade, even though you start grinning.

"Now who's lying?" you tease, rising up and going back to your previous position beside them. Her cheeks go pink and then red, the blush spreading to her ears and her lips turning into a thin line.

And gosh, they're so adorable!

"I-" she stammers, seconds before hiding her burning face between her fingers and muttering in Old Norse.

"Hey, are you alright?" you ask, worried you might have triggered another attack. They nod and sigh, revealing their now pinkish face.

"I apologize, it just started to hurt," she whispers, eyes looking down at her hands. You shrug one shoulder.

"You have nothing to apologize for." They smile at the answer, laying back at your shoulder and digging their nose in your neck, long cold fingers grabbing your hand and playing with it as tickling fire comes and goes. She digs her head out, watching carefully your hand's reaction to the fidgeting.

"You have a beautiful hand, you know that?" they mutter, almost you themselves.

"Thank you," you don't know if you giggle from the comment or the tickling coming from her seiðr. They hum, consecrated on your hand and maintaining a second wave of comfortable silence for several minutes.

"What do you plan to do when we get out?" she asks out of the blue, leaving your hand alone and hiding back to your neck.

"Make sure I'm not fired, apologize to my boss, probably get something to eat since I didn't have time for breakfast…" you whisper, scared of breaking the silence.

"If Stark fires you, he dies, slowly," they don't break the calm with the threat, but you still giggle at it.

"Thank you, sweetie. What're you planning to do?" you beam and move some hair away from her face as she turns around.

"Move to a balcony, smoke the whole tobacco industry, never use an elevator again, and kill Stark," they shrug, gazing at the metal wall in front of you.

"Sounds like a plan," you grimace and fail to hold back a shiver. When did it get so cold again?

Loki starts to quiver too, but you bet it's not from the cold.

"Loki?" you keep quiet, hoping you won't scare her. They don't respond.

Instead, she just sits there, like a statue, vacant eyes on the wall.

"Loki, you're safe now. Okay? You'll be alright. I promise, you'll be just fine," you start whispering again, raising a hand to hold them.

Your head gets slammed against the wall. Loki stands in front of you, her eyes glowing green and filled with rage and a flaming punch being ready to launch in your face. You raise your hands in surrender, praying that they'll see them instead of the way you shiver from fear.

Her eyes soften, and then water up. "You're not- Oh Norns, I'm so- Oh Gods!" they stammer and walk back, their whole body shaking. She stops on the neatest wall, her feet collapsing and making her fall down.

They need space, you know that, but you still walk closer. "It's okay, you didn't mean to," you whisper, now careful not to touch without permission.

"I almost…" she mutters, hiding her face behind her hands.

"Almost. You didn't do it," you debunk, hoping it will somehow help.

Plus that punch couldn't be so bad. Expect that they're able to bend metal… minus the magic… Nevermind, you'd break your skull.

"Hey, did you listen? You didn't do it. It was close, yes, but it didn't happen," you repeat, sure that her thinking was louder than your speaking.

"Could you… could you stop talking? Please?" they whisper, removing their hands from their face to glare at you.

You nod, waiting for another way to help. She pats the metal beside her, and you move there, letting her lay on your shoulder again.

"You know, I never thought of you as a cuddler…" you comment.

"If you tell anyone, I will kill you," they growl. You nod, sure she didn't feel like joking.

You stay still as they move around to get more comfortable, ending again on your shoulder but this time their body is relying on yours and their nose brushing your neck. For someone as thin, you didn't expect her to be that heavy, but you're not getting crushed, literally, so you don't complain.

"What happened? Did the snake eat your tongue?" they purr, and you get to feel their sinuses vibrating as they speak.

"You asked for silence," you shrug your free shoulder, turning to face her. They hum and go silent again, pressing their face harder on your neck.

"Oh, apologies," she whispers, after a yawn so soft you thought it's just a sigh, her voice dragged and half asleep.

"It's fine, you can even sleep," you whisper back, smiling as they smile at you and dive further down.

And maybe five minutes later, her breath evens out and deepens. You stay even more still, they had maybe three panic attacks, they must be exhausted. So, in order to entertain yourself, you decide to daydream and maybe count the deep sighs she releases against your neck.

At about ten sighs, the elevator starts moving down, which is enough to wake them up. "They're getting us out?" she asks and yawns, eyes on the wall that reveals the door of the lower floor.

Someone digs their fingers on the other metal wall and opens it. The sunlight makes you cover your eyes.

"Sister, are you well?" Thor's voice literally bombs as he runs inside.

"Be quiet, you idiot…" they respond, basically jumping up before Thor can realise that you were cuddling. You follow her path.

"Oh, a Mortal. Are you well?" Thor turns his eyes on you.

"Yes, yes. Is Mr Stark here, by any chance?" you mutter. The characteristic sound of the suit walking towards you is enough of an answer.

"Yes, miss. Don't worry, you're not fired. In fact, since you are now needed more spontaneously, you'll move here. And before you ask, yes, that's a promotion," he moves the metal mask out of his face to deliver the good news.

"Also, how did Loki not kill you?" Captain America pops up and asks.

"They were hugging when I opened the door," Thor answers before you can muster a lie. Your first reaction is to bite your lip and turn to Loki, whose face has gone all pink from the shame.

"No, no! She was scared and asked for it. I committed out of pity!" they make up a lie. All three heroes turn to you.

"Yes, yes, exactly. It was terrifying. Now, if I could… pack up my things? Yes… Gotta go, sorry…" you stammer and walk back, towards the staircase.

"Wait, I… I can help you. With the seiðr and superstrength and all…" Loki also stammers and follows you.

You walk down a level in complete silence, waiting to be 100% sure no one is listening. "They will never let that die out…" Loki sighs, her hand brushing her bright red cheeks.

"Definitely… in order to make up for the embarrassment, may I tempt you to dinner? On Friday? I know a nice place," you smirk, hoping to appear less messy.

They offer you a mischievous grin, her eyes shimmering in the dark staircase. "Temptation managed,"

#lady loki #loki/reader #loki fanfiction #loki fanfic #loki marvel #loki #tw claustrophobia #tw panicking #elevator #bisexuality #chaotic bi energy #pre relationship #loki fluff #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #trapped in an elevator

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lactosefreevanillayoghurt · 3 years

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You Don’t Need To Prove Yourself To Us

yes this is a checkateva fic and yes it is for @aveasorae

hurt/comfort, a lot of fluff and also some nachos (1600 and something words)

"What do you want to do when you grow up?" Kate was sprawled on Chess' bed, legs resting upright against the wall, head digging into Eva's hip.

Eva didn't look up from her laptop. "Teaching."

Kate flung her arms up, smacking their girlfriend in the chest with one hand, almost dislocating Chess' nose with the other. "You're so boring."

"Ow."

"Soz, Checkers, love you really."

"Yeah, yeah, absolutely." Chess pawed at their nose, surprised that Eva hadn't reacted to being literally punched in the boob, jesus christ since when had Kate been so strong? "Also, Eva's not boring, she's just got her shit together better than you do."

"I've got my shit together! Anyway, that wasn't the point, I didn't mean, like, jobs, I meant just things you want to do when we grow up."

"...That is jobs." Chess took one of Kate's flailing hands and pinched her index finger. They told themselves it was to piss Kate off and not to save their nose from another sneak attack.

"Fuck you, you knew what I meant."

"Sure, Kitkat." They let their partner's hand go, regretting it when Kate immediately started picking at the week-old nail varnish on it, black flakes decorating their bed. Eva hadn't moved or even acknowledged the conversation going on around her and Chess placed a quiet hand on her knee. They knew that both them and Kate worried about Eva, though Kate worried about everything so maybe that was a bad example. Still, they knew the other girl perhaps didn't have her shit together as well as they teased.

"Why would you even want to go into teaching though?" Kate's heels thudded against the wall and, as happened every time they met at their house, Chess began to regret letting Kate anywhere near their nice neat room. "I mean, I find it hard to deal with one of me, I wouldn't want a whole class to have to actually teach."

"Eva's good at that, everyone likes her."

"Yeah, 'cause she's an angel," Kate shuffled herself around and wrapped their arms around Eva's waist, her voice now muffled by fabric, "And we love her."

Eva smiled, one hand ceasing typing to brush over Kate's head before returning to her work. Chess rubbed their thumb over her knee, "I think someone," They nudged Kate, "Is getting bored. We should stop for now."

Kate was overly willing to sit up and pack away their books, neatly closing and then rearranging her folders. Chess always marvelled and how someone could be such a chaotic mess but then become so neat when it came to school work. They themselves were a little more haphazard, throwing their books in a pile beside their backpack before getting up and stretching. Kate kissed Eva's shoulder, sent affectionate fingerguns to Chess and walked over to the door, running a hand through their hair as they did so. She paused, one hand on the doorframe, "I want chips. I'll bring a pack up, do either of you want anything?"

Chess shook their head, "I'm all good." They locked eyes with their partner, both raising an eyebrow in sync and then gesturing back to their girlfriend.

Kate bit her lip and nodded, "I'll get a banana as well, okay Aves?"

Eva nodded vaguely and then the door was shut and Kate was gone.

Chess heaved a sigh, wandering over to where Eva was still sat typing on the bed. They ran a hand through the girl's hair, planting a kiss on the top of her head. "Maybe it's time to take a break, V."

Eva shook her head fervently, her fingers only pausing for a second. Chess crouched in front of her, reaching around the laptop to hold her hands. They looked at their girlfriend, properly looked, noticing all the details that got mixed up to create Eva Sanchez. She looked tired, more than anything, and it hurt a little to see someone that they loved so much become so overwhelmed. Her eyes were soft and unfocused, hands cold where they held Chess'. Slowly, so slowly, Chess let go of her hands and pulled the laptop off her lap, saving her work before closing it. They sat cross-legged on the floor, head resting on Eva's knees. "What's going on up there?"

Eva shrugged, nudging Chess backwards with one socked foot and sliding off the bed to sit opposite them on the floor. "Dunno."

Chess hummed and smiled. "I agree with Kate, you know. You're boring because you work too hard."

Eva huffed out a laugh. "I have a lot to do," she protested weakly.

"Yeah, I know." They shuffled around and pulled the other girl close, rubbing one hand in stars over her back.

"And if I don't do it all, I'll fall behind." Chess felt Eva's lips mumble against their collarbone, whispering words they knew that she struggled to admit even to herself. "Chess, I'm scared. I don't want to fall behind because I'll lose the scholarship and I'll lose you and that would fucking suck. And- and I feel bad when I'm not busy all the time, because," She paused, voice hoarse around the edges, pressing closer to Chess. The door opened and Kate slipped in, a bag of chips under one arm, a banana in one hand and three cans of ginger beer balanced precariously in the other. Chess smiled over Eva's head, watching as Kate took in the situation. They placed the snacks down and padded over to the others, sitting down and taking one of Eva's hands to stop her from picking at the hem of Kate's flannel that she'd somehow ended up wearing. Eva continued, "Because if I'm not working or cheering or anything then what am I? Like, I'm not worthy if I can't prove myself, right?"

Chess' heart broke at those words and they held Eva impossibly tighter, kissing her temple. "Oh god, Eva, no." They noticed how both of their partners' hands shook as they held onto each other and pulled themselves together a little. "V, sweet thing, firstly, you never have to worry about us leaving you because we love you because of who you are and not because of your grades or your cheer ability or any of that. We're so proud of you for it, but we love you, not a report card."

Eva nodded hesitantly. Chess brushed the hair away from her face, hand lingering a second on her forehead, taking in the subtle warmth, all whilst looking as sincerely as they could into her eyes.

"You don't need to prove yourself either." Kate drew their attention. "You're wonderful the way you are and, like, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it, you don't need to push yourself to this point, because you will always be good enough because you're you." She paused. "I don't think that made sense, I think I tried too hard to sound as eloquent as Checkers."

Chess laughed and Eva did too. Kate blushed, hiding their face in Eva's hands. "I mean, you tried, Kitkat."

Eva cackled, "Yeah, A+ for effort."

"Hey! The sentiment's still there, though!"

Laughter dimming, Eva nodded. "Of course. I love you and your confusing monologues."

Chess grinned at the two of them, Kate giving Eva a look of pure adoration before flying into her arms. They fell backwards against the carpet as Kate leapt on the two of them, teasing a mutual, "Oof," from all three.

"What the fuck!! What the fuck is this!!" Kate clung to them in her preferred koala pose. "You can't say that to me!! I am but a hopeless gay and now you have made me flustered!!!!! Illegal!!! How dare you!"

Chess laughed, the kind of laugh that makes you feel like you're filled up with bubbles, all bright and clear. On top of them, Eva yawned, pushing her head into Kate's elbow with a catlike whimper. Kate looked alarmed suddenly, rolling off the other two to lie flat on their back, legs instinctively hooking themselves up and onto the bed covers. "Aves, you okay? Chess, she's warm, is she-"

Placing a newly-freed arm onto their partner's stomach, they cut her off before she could spiral any further, "She'll be fine, she's just a dumbass," Chess lowered their voice, creating brackets with their hands, "(Affectionately), and has overworked herself."

"I am still here."

"Shhhpsspshspshpspshp," Kate placed a hand over Eva's mouth. "We look after you now."

Chess nodded and pulled the other two with them back onto their bed. Eva curled up with her head on their chest, fingers jittering, still tapping out letters into their side. They took her hands and lifted them to their lips. "Love you too."

The bed dipped as Kate returned from a trip across the room, a huge packet of nachos in her hand. Chess once again fondly regretted letting them in their room - first nail varnish, then crumbs, what would be next? "I cannot believe you."

"What?!"

"V was literally about to go to sleep but no, you ruined it with your bloody crunching."

Kate paused mid-crunch. "Oopth-"

Eva giggled between the two, reaching a hand into Kate's bag of chips.

Kate looked practically jubilant. "HA! See, she's actually eating, it was a good thing after all."

"I cannot believe I'm being betrayed by my own two significant others."

Kate grinned, "Love you!!!"

Eva shuffled closer, shutting her eyes, "Yeah, we love you."

Chess stole the bag out of Kate's hand, "If you love me that much, you'll give me some nachos."

"Fuck you. This is gay sabotage." But Kate was still grinning, and Eva's warm little body was shaking with silent laughter and Chess allowed themselves to forgive Kate for the crumbs in the bed. Just this once.

#we are the tigers #chess watt #kate watt #eva watt #eva sanchez #kate dalton #chess belmont #checkateva #my writing #swearing tw #um??#sadness tw??????#oops this was meant to be cute and then got angsty #AAA I HAVE TO GO APOLOGIES I WILL COME BACK AND EDIT THIS LATER IM SORRY IF ITS BAD #food mention #ellie writes sometimes

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hljournal · 4 years

Photo

Today’s author is suspendrs / @suspendrs ! Don’t forget to give the fics kudos and leave a comment!

to the cloud and the cold (2k)

Or, Louis is a Summer Fairy, Harry is an Autumn Fairy, and the autumn equinox is the best day of the year.

fearless (97k)

“You’re my best friend, Louis,” Harry says, barely above a whisper. Even if he was yelling, Louis wouldn’t be able to believe his ears. “And I know it’s been a while, but you’re still the person I consider my best friend,” Harry says.

Louis blinks, and then blinks again. “I honestly cannot say the same, Harry,” he says.

Or, Harry left home without a word after high school, and a lot can change in ten years.

just a little dance (1k)

“Keep your head up, love,” he says, pulling away and grabbing Harry’s hands. “Dance with me.”

“I don’t want to dance,” Harry pouts, but he lets Louis pull him into the center of the dark kitchen, anyway.

“Just a little dance,” Louis says, tugging Harry’s hands until he’s flush against his front.

Or, a tiny drabble based on the cutest lyric from perfect now

ferricadooza! (65k)

Harry can’t even fathom the idea of surrendering; he’d fight ‘til he died, if he had to, anything to keep from surrendering.

Or, the year is 1963, homosexuality is illegal in the UK, Louis owns a gay bar, and Harry’s an underground boxing champion with an unfortunate enemy.

at last, at last (41k)

“Come with us,” Tommo says, stopping at the other end of the gymnasium, near the doors. “Don’t let them make you suffer any longer. Come with us, and be human.”

Before Harry has even finished thinking it through, he’s on his feet, gaining the attention of every single person in the gymnasium. What has he got to lose, anyway?

Or, Harry is born into a cult in a post-apocalyptic world, and Louis is the leader of the rebel group tasked with the mission of shutting them down. Together, they make a rather effective team.

the act of making noise (32k)

“Oh,” Harry frowns, waving him off. “No, I could never. I respect myself too much to sing for a living.”

It feels like a slap across the face, but Louis does his best not to stiffen, blinking once and then frowning. “What?”

“Those people are always so miserable, you know?” Harry says, hopping down off his stool and straightening his sweater. “There’s so much pressure on them, and they have to work so hard to keep up appearances, I can’t even imagine how difficult that is. I can’t even stand to listen to pop music today, let alone watch TV or read the magazines. It makes me so sad, thinking that those people, you know, the ones who actually went into it with heart, they only ever just wanted to make music and instead they got turned into things on leashes being paraded around to make money for other people,” he says. “Anyway, you can have the stool.”

Or, Louis's famous, Harry has no idea who he is, and they get snowed in together at a ski lodge in Vermont.

walls (20k)

The thing about having been on the move so much for the past five years is that now, once they’re finally able to sit down and rest for a bit, they don’t really know what to do with themselves. Louis loved the pace of the band, for all he and the others complained about it; he isn’t very fond of sitting still, and he absolutely loathes boredom, and there was very little space in their lives for either of those things while they were so busy putting out an album every year and touring more often than not. Being in the same room as Harry while neither of them are under the pressure of keeping up appearances feels like being in a room with a total stranger, and the amount of trouble they’re having trying to get to know each other again is really rather alarming.

Or, a love one whole decade in the making, inspired by Louis's debut album.

fine line (22k)

There’s still a lot of things they don’t talk about, a lot of things they don’t bring home with them at the end of the day, and a lot of things that don’t even need to be said. The world is the world and it sucks sometimes, but it’s far away when Harry’s at home and Louis’s here with him and none of it needs to matter when it could just as easily be ignored. Harry tries to open up sometimes, tries to bring Louis into his world, but Louis’s got a world of his own to tend to, and it feels like more often than not they are on two separate planets and the universe just keeps expanding.

Or, a love three more years in the making, inspired by Harry’s sophomore album.

out for a duck (2k)

“Well, once I got control of Clifford, I took him right back to the house and changed my clothes and gave him one hell of a dressing down, let me tell you,” he scoffs. “And then I felt so bad I went back out to see if the duck had gone back to her eggs, and that Clifford hadn’t damaged them or hurt the duck at all. She wasn’t there when I got back, and I sat there for hours waiting for her, but she never showed her face! She just up and abandoned her babies, just left them there cold and alone, all because a dog barked at her,” he sighs, shaking his head.

“Still not sure why the eggs are now in my kitchen,” Louis frowns.

“I couldn’t just leave them there!” Harry says. “It was my fault they were abandoned! Well, Clifford’s fault, but whatever. I couldn’t live with myself if I just left them there to die. So I came back to the house and got a bowl and some gloves and scooped them up so I could bring them home and keep them warm until they hatch.”

Or, Harry accidentally adopts two duck eggs.

what’s inside your imagination (is as real as anything else) (3k)

“Hey!” Niall shouts suddenly, scaring Harry nearly out of his hat. “We like your costume!”

The ghost turns to glance at Niall, producing a hand from under the sheet and giving him a thumbs up. Harry can’t help but laugh a little more, the casual gesture adding to the entire vibe of the sunglasses-wearing ghost.

The ghost looks at them for a moment longer before turning and disappearing into the crowd again, and Harry sighs. “I love Halloween,” he says thoughtfully.

Or, Harry's a witch who likes to pretend he's a human pretending he's a witch, and Louis's the human in a not-so-clever costume that keeps catching his eye.

satellite (100k)

“It’s been three years since I’ve had a proper hot meal,” Louis says finally. “I have no idea where my family is, or if any of them are even still alive. The only reason I’ve been able to keep myself alive for as long as I have is because I keep to myself, stay guarded, stay hidden. It’s the only way I know how to live,” he says.

Harry wants to cry, but he tries to put on a brave face when Louis finally meets his eyes. “You’re safe here. You don’t have to be so guarded around me,” Harry says quietly, earnestly.

“That’s very sweet of you,” Louis says, putting his fork down. “But yes I do. Especially around you.”

Or, Harry finds out that someone's been living in his house without him knowing, but instead of kicking him out, he falls in love with him.

sugar in a plum (4k)

“I’m your dad,” Harry says softly, extending his hand to Plum for her to have a sniff. Plum considers for a moment, looks up at Louis, and then bites Harry’s finger.

“Ow!” Harry shrieks, pulling his hand away quickly. He’s not bleeding, but Plum’s teeth are incredibly sharp, he feels like he’s been stabbed with ten tiny needles. “Jesus, Lou, I thought we were getting a cat, not a demon.”

Or, Harry's new kitten is out to ruin his life.

there are no atheists in foxholes (64k)

“Do you think we’ll ever see it again?” Harry asks after a minute. “London?”

Louis blinks, looking down. They very well could spend the rest of their lives on this island, and they’re both very aware of that. Everyone probably already thinks they’re dead, anyway. Their flats are going to be sold, and their families are going to have funerals, and life is going to go on without them. Even if they do get rescued, it’s already been days. The news of the shipwreck has definitely reached London by now. They don’t know if there’s been any effort to look for survivors, but they also don’t know how far away from the wreck they are, or how far people are going to go to look for them, or if anyone even knows that this island is here and, like, it’s very possible that they’ve already looked and stopped looking for survivors, and no one knows they’re out here-

“I don’t know,” Louis says, before he can start spiraling. “I hope so, but I don’t know.”

Or, the sea takes everything from Louis, but it gives him back more than he ever could’ve asked for.

it ain’t right, but isn’t it amazing (7k)

It’s all Niall’s fault, as most things are. Niall’s the one that made the bloody Tinder account in the first place, and the one that added every decent looking photo of Louis he could find on his phone, and the one that swiped right on the first fifteen guys that popped up. Yeah, Louis might have done the rest of the work that landed him here, in the men’s toilets of a Japanese restaurant in west London with vomit dripping down his chin and down the very, very attractive chest of the very, very attractive man in front of him, but Niall started it.

Or, Harry takes Louis for sushi on the first date. It doesn't go well.

keep this love in a photograph (48k)

“I could never forget a damn thing about you, Harry Styles, not even if I wanted to,” Louis says. His hair falls into his face when he glances over at Harry, the moonlight reflecting off of it and making it glow golden, like maybe Louis himself is the sun.

Harry thinks of how dark and cold his life got once Louis went away, how Harry got a taste of the sweetest sunshine imaginable and then was plunged into the longest winter of his life. He feels like he’s been buried under mounds of snow for months, years, and he’s finally made it to spring, finally getting another taste of how wonderful life can be.

Or, it’s 1919, and Harry’s been falling in love with his best friend for his entire life.

thrills don’t come for free (4k)

The night before comes back to him slowly, puking in the toilet at the club and then falling asleep in his car in the parking lot. He closes his eyes again for a moment until he realizes that the car is on and moving, and someone is driving it that isn’t him.

He picks his head up and peers between the seats, catching sight of a perfect stranger sitting behind the wheel, singing quietly and driving Louis’s car.

Or, Louis has a bit too much to drink and falls asleep in the backseat of Harry's car.

not even the gods above (25k)

The thing is, though, this isn’t good enough for Harry. Sure, he has the rest of his life to be a notable king, but he wants to be notable now. He wants to bring the two kingdoms together and he wants to do it early on, wants to be the one to facilitate the merge until it seems like the two kingdoms were one all along. He doesn’t want to wait, but everyone he’s turned to thinks waiting is the right choice, so he supposes he has to trust them.

That is, of course, until a declaration of war from the Kingdom of Tomlinson shows up at his palace.

somewhere far away from here (12k)

“Harry,” Louis says, squeezing his arm. “Do you know her?”

“My sister,” Harry mutters, eyes glued to the screen.

“What’s she saying?” Louis asks, voice quiet. “What does she want?”

“Me,” Harry murmurs, hardly a breath. “She knows I’m here.”

Or, Harry's sister comes to Earth to bring him home, but Harry's got a few things keeping him here.

i’ll take your pain (2k)

It’s kind of romantic when Harry thinks about it, feeling all the pain of the person he’s supposed to love for the rest of his life. Sure, it’s rather inconvenient when he’s in class and his soulmate gets kicked in the balls, or when he’s sleeping and his soulmate knocks his head or his knee off something. It’d be nice if the function helped them to find each other, but Harry supposes he can live with knowing that they’re destined to run into each other someday.

Or, soulmates have the ability to feel each other's pain, and Harry finds his after getting his arse waxed. (Or, the soulmate au crack fic I can't believe I actually wrote.)

the pink album (31k)

They don’t really discuss how hard it is to be in this situation, or to be doing the things they have to do to continue being together. It’s just something they don’t talk about, and that’s alright. Or maybe it isn’t, but they’ll cross that bridge when they get to it.

Or, a love seven years in the making, inspired by Harry's debut album.

i’ll make this feel like home (41k)

It’s nerdy, much nerdier than anything Harry would have engaged in back home. Perrie and Ed are singing some song from West Side Story and Stan is just giggling along, and it’s almost weird how weird Harry doesn’t find it. Liam and Niall would be running as fast as they could from this interaction, but somehow, Harry finds himself giggling along as well.

Maybe it’s because no one in this group seems like they should belong in this group, but Harry feels like he fits right in. He feels more himself than he has in weeks when Louis plops down beside him for a couple moments and throws out another title to add to their movie marathon. Even though he can’t contribute to the conversation about musicals and he has no idea whether The King and I or Oklahoma is more important, he never feels like an outsider.

Or, Harry is new to Plymouth and has had a rough start, but Louis won't rest until he makes it start to feel like home.

dirty laudry looks good on you (19k)

“So um, Niall mentioned you haven’t lived here long. What brings you to London?”

“What is this, an interview?” Louis smirks, stealing Harry’s drink and taking a sip. “Wanted a change of scenery. Dunno.”

Harry hums and takes his drink back, narrowing his eyes playfully at Louis as he takes a long sip. “Can I buy you a drink, or would you rather keep sharing mine?”

“You most certainly can buy me a drink,” Louis grins, grabbing the bottle back out of Harry’s hand, “but I’m still going to be stealing yours.”

Or, Harry is jaded and sad and resigned to be forever alone, until Niall sets him up with a friend of his whose broken pieces may just fit pretty well with Harry's.

we’ve got to get away from here (23k)

“It is my understanding that you are the most comprehensive member of this agency in the field of extraterrestrial life, is that right?” the agent asks. He’s trying to sound calm, but Louis can tell he’s shaken as well.

“Um, I guess so,” Louis says, glancing over at the man in the blanket again.

Suddenly, Louis’s blood runs cold. There’s something off about the man, something in his gaze, something Louis can’t put his finger on. It’s terribly unsettling, but excitement bubbles in his gut.

Or, Louis is an FBI agent who likes to think himself a paranormal expert, and Harry is the alien that somehow ended up in his office.

in midnights, in cups of coffee (15k)

“Sorry about the sugar,” Louis says, backing toward his own flat. “Bundle up before you go out.”

Harry smiles so sweetly then that Louis can’t imagine he’ll even need the sugar, if the muffins aren’t sweet enough just because they were made by him. “Thanks,” he says, eyes lingering a little longer on Louis before he lets himself back into Gemma’s apartment, and then Louis is just standing in the hallway by himself.

Or, Louis is overworked and cold, Harry is stressed out, and they might be in love.

come away with me (80k)

Or, Louis has to pick up the pieces of his and his daughter's life after his wife dies, and Harry is a beautiful stranger that just wants to help.

in the night (19k)

Or, the self-indulgent reversed pov and slight continuation of come away with me.

my song has not been sung (2k)

Or, Harry is watching a protest from the sidelines until a boy with a rainbow flag and a pretty smile drags him right into the middle of it.

i’ll be home for christmas (12k)

Or, Louis and Harry can’t decide where to go on Christmas.

autumn leaves (27k)

Or, Harry is an American soldier in France during World War II, and Louis is a French waiter that doesn't mean to fall in love with him.

we’ve got unfinished business (7k)

Or, there’s a ghost in Harry and Louis’s apartment that seemingly just wants them to date.

falling in love with you again (4k)

Or, three times in which Louis fell in love with Harry all over again.

heading for a small disaster (20k)

Or, Harry drives an Uber and Louis’s life is falling apart.

don’t stop to worry (4k)

It was just supposed to be a trim today, to skim off the dead ends of his hair. He had no idea it’d end the way it did.

Or, Harry cuts his hair. It's kind of a big deal.

diamonds, they fade (1k)

The cold does nothing tonight but remind Louis of the boy he left inside, the boy that’s curled up under the blankets by himself right now, the boy that’s probably going to come looking for him soon when he wakes up and Louis isn’t there.

Or, Louis has insomnia.

maps can be poems when you’re on your own (19k)

Or, Harry falls in love with the guy his best friend is fooling around with.

we could be enough (4k)

Or, Harry runs an anonymous crush confession column in the school newspaper and Louis has quite the crush to write in about.

no place to call home (22k)

Or, Louis isn't Peter Pan and Harry isn't Wendy and Neverland is nothing like Harry thought it would be, but it's perfect anyway.

show a little mercy (3k)

Louis hates him so, so much. But then again, he’s never loved someone quite so fiercely.

Or, Louis and Harry try to break up. (Or, a drabble based on Love You Goodbye)

kiss me on the mouth and set me free (17k)

Or, Louis is a gamer and Harry is a beauty guru, and VidCon is a good place to fall in love.

sing me like a choir (17k)

Or, Harry is nervous to do actual makeup on his channel, until his boyfriend Louis helps him out.

please don’t bite (21k)

Or, Harry releases his own line of beauty products, and Louis feels abandoned when Harry’s newfound fame gets the best of him.

underneath the christmas tree (17k)

Louis sends Harry on a scavenger hunt on Christmas Eve.

to be loved and to be in love (50k)

Harry and Louis' first year as a couple, as captured by snippets of home movies.

hope your heart is strong enough (4k)

Prompt: Set in the US, Harry spends Thanksgiving with Louis' family, or vice versa. Chaos ensues.

to watch you fall (16k)

Or, Harry is lonely and Louis is engaged to be married.

give me your hand and i’ll hold it (18k)

Prompt: Harry (9) moves in next to Louis (11). They have little roofs under their bedroom windows and like to sit there and talk. Seven years later, Louis has to leave for college.

you make me strong (14k)

Louis comes home from war with a few more problems than he left with, but Harry can't find it in himself to let him go.

#faaw #fics

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iloveyoumorethansoup · 3 years

Text

Here’s Eda and Diana for you!

Eda

Favorite thing about them: the epitome of be gay do crime. She’s down to clown and I love her for it. Also she just took in some random kid who showed up and became her mother

Favorite line: literally everything she has ever said has been so great

3 headcanons

-Eda is pretty good at cooking. She can do some pretty impressive meals but isn’t a fan of all the effort it takes

-pre Luz Eda was making it a habit to go out of her way to bother the emperors coven in the most irritating ways possible. The only really she dialed it back was because she didn’t want to rope Luz into things

-she’s super thankful to have Luz in her life. Not only did she bring Lilith back but she also makes Eda take care of herself since she wants to take care of Luz. If Luz ever goes back to the human world there’s going to be a very interesting custody battle

Most interesting/funniest thing: I really really love the dynamic between Lilith and Eda. The amount of time they spent taunting each other brings me so much joy. And also like. They still care about each other so much. No matter what happened between them they never stopped caring

Something I associate with them: fun crimes women in suits and gold

Something I wish they would do: I’m really excited to see Eda learning sigils!! I’m also really curious if Eda is going to try to find some sort of cure for the curse.

Diana

Favorite thing about them: shes got some pretty fancy magic. Also very fun hair

Favorite line: the conversation she has with akko after finding her outside where she gives her her chariot card. That’s like the only time she hasn’t come off super cold to me and it was really cool to see Diana trying to keep Akko at Luna nova after akko brought Diana back

Unpopular opinion: I really just don’t vibe with Diana. Something didn’t click I don’t get the hype. She’s always come off as very cold and kinda stuck up to me no matter how many times I watch the show. And I get where some of the stuff she says comes from?? But like she goes about it in a really harsh way most of the time and it really grates on me. Also I feel like this is illegal in lwa town lol but diakko isn’t my cup of tea either.

3 headcanons

-she will absolutely disappear from hannah and Barbara to go study for hours and/or days at a time. Sometimes in her little nook in their dorm or the library. But sometimes she really just cannot be found.

- Diana used to bake with her mother and sometimes when she really misses her she’ll back some of her favorite things to feel a little closer to her

-Hannah and Barbara are some of the closest family she has. It’s not uncommon for the three of them to stay together for summers at Hannah or Barbara’s homes. They know Diana doesn’t enjoy Daryls presence to say the least so they do what they can. They’re always the first to know what’s going on in Diana’s life no matter how small. Sharing a dorm room for so long makes it very weird when they do go see their respective families and are apart.

Most interesting/funniest thing: the whole thing about Diana becoming the head of her family was interesting. I’m curious if that’s a cavendish thing or if being the head of a witching family is a big thing that’s like different from being the regular head of a family. And also her relationship with Daryl. I would think since Diana’s like 16 she wouldn’t be able to do much about Daryl but that definitely wasn’t the case.

Something I associate with them: cabbage. Also light blues and classwork that should be super hard but isn’t

Something I wish they’d do: I’d really love to see her open up. Like if she wasn’t so closed off I think I could really like her. I wanna see her let go of all the walls she’s built up around herself and let herself be a kid.

#this isn’t to be mean to Diana #I don’t hate her #so like earlier I did one of these with amity right #and my top fave thing about her is that she went from mean top student to someone sweet and loving #and I feel like that’s what Diana was kinda supposed to be. but it just didn’t really happen #I don’t need her to turn into someone bouncy or bubbly. but like. ur 16. please give urself the chance to be a kid #also au diakkos I’m down for #but like regular universe diakko. Idk I don’t vibe #heresy I know #I think I’m warming up to it a little tho #I’m glad y’all love Diana and diakko so much tho. v happy for y’all I hope u guys keep having fun for many more years to come #u guys make good art and tons of content it’s impressive #ask games #I used to be like Diana and I worked hard to fix that so I def have thoughts on her

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koteosa · 4 years

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I'm sorry to hear you're having a bad brain day. Those are the worst. If it helps at all, do you have any HCs about how the Arcana LIs celebrate their birthdays once they're with your apprentices?

thank you my brain was beating me up bad today U___U spending time writing gets me really focused and helps a lot. here’s some headcanons for all my LI/Apprentice ships

Kamui x Asra

Kamui really wants to spoil the everloving fuck out of his lover(s). He doesn’t want to completely control their entire day (unless they want him to) though the urge is definitely there to plan something very elaborate. He has a lot of love in his heart and it makes him feel like he’s gotta do something Big to properly express how he feels

Gives Asra a lot of options for things they could do together and lets Asra decide, based on however he feels at the time. They could go to a spa and relax. Go on a picnic in the woods. Do something mischievous and potentially illegal. Or just stay in bed all day talking, eating food Kamui prepares for them with the Highest Quality Ingredients and care put into them, and get a little, a little, a little hands on

He wants to take care of Asra the entire day like he’s royalty. His birthday is such an excuse to get to do these sorts of things and Kamui is going to take full advantage. Brush his hair and they’ll take a bath together where Kamui washes him and does his makeup and nails and they dress up cozy and spend all day together. Kamui worries about pressuring Asra into something when he might have other plans but Asra’s plans begin and end with Kamui being there so. Kinda hard for him to be dissatisfied

Asra is the type to respond to “what do you want for your birthday” with “you”

Though Kamui doesn’t need to ask because he already knows exactly what he’s getting Asra and it probably involves something pretty Asra can wear, some good food, maybe something practical for his magic or something for Faust since it’s also her birthday too and it’s important that she doesn’t get left out. This is to say there won’t be just one gift there’s gonna be a lot of them and he’s a little embarrassed by how many things he ended up with and he’s going to blush when he presents them

But Asra does the same exact shit when it’s Kamui’s birthday. They’re both romantic idiots who are the type to be like “I saw this and thought of you and so I bought it for you” for lots and lots of things

Kamui’s not good at making things outside of like, food. So most of his gifts were bought, but for Kamui’s birthday Asra spends time making a lot of different things with every creative skill he has. Knitting him red scarves and making him little woodwork statues of cats etc.

Kamui x Julian

Something tells me Julian doesn’t do much to celebrate his own birthday and never drops hints about it but Kamui will find out and be like Listen You Fuck I Will Celebrate The Ever Loving Shit Out Of You. You Cannot Stop Me

Wakes him up in the morning very sweetly and makes him breakfast. He has plans because he knows Julian was just going to work all day and maybe go to the Raven that night as a treat and that is Not Acceptable

Julian probably cries at some point just a little bit because Kamui dresses up very nice and then does Julian’s makeup and hair and takes him on a walk before they sneak into that one abandoned garden from Julian’s Lovers chapter and have a picnic and Kamui pushes him down and kisses him and tells him how beautiful he is and then just starts reciting some poetry he wrote about Julian and There Are Limits He Cannot TAKE This!!! Somehow Kamui found a beautiful metaphor to describe Julian’s eyes and it’s illegal. How dare he

Lots of laughing and running around getting into trouble and Kamui tugs him into an alley every now and then to kiss him and get him all riled up

Kamui goes out of his way to be gentlemanly before Julian can do it first and Julian’s blushing like how do I cope--

Gifts include a book of poetry Kamui wrote about Julian and general gay yearning (and he’s extremely embarrassed about it because he’s not so sure any of it is any good but Julian Loves It. It’s A Masterpiece), a bunch of other books he thought Julian would like to drown out the embarrassing love poetry, some cool knives, expensive wine, magic charms he made himself (lots of stuff to protect against nightmares), and like. the sexy stuff. A ruby-adorned choker and black lingerie. Hello Julian your boyfriend has money

After getting into trouble all day, Kamui takes him stargazing and then they go to the shop where Kamui set up candles and rose petals and whatnot so they could take a fancy bubble bath and drink wine before they spend all night in bed together if you know what I

Kamui x Muriel

Had to pry his birth date out of Asra because Muriel won’t acknowledge his own birthday. He does not deserve to be celebrated. Kamui begs to differ

Muriel just knows Kamui’s birthday by default because Asra would talk about it in the past so he doesn’t have to ask. After they start dating, once November 14th rolls around he’s got a bunch of gifts prepared. Very simple, like, some stuff he carved, a nice meal, a wildflower bouquet, maybe some sort of lotion or perfume he made with Asra’s help. And Kamui cries about it because it’s just so sweet and heartfelt and AHHHH-

Kamui knows Muriel doesn’t like all the fancy stuff he does, but he still wants Muriel to feel really special. It’ll take some convincing but he’d like to take Muriel to a nice spa where he assures him it’s very quiet and they won’t be bothered. A hot spring, mud bath, that sort of thing.

They can go on a walk through the woods and forage for stuff to make a meal with, then they cook together and Kamui tries to hand feed him but Muriel is so embarrassed it doesn’t go very far. Still Kamui will sit in his lap afterwards and they’ll just bask in the peace of nature for awhile. Maybe Kamui will talk a little, quietly, and about nothing of consequence so Muriel doesn’t even need to listen to the words, he’s just lulled by the sound of his voice

Gifts! A lot of stuff for Inanna and the chickens to take the pressure off of Muriel having to receive a lot of things directly (though they all make him happy just the same). For Muriel directly, Kamui gets him stuff to make his life more comfortable; a soft teal blanket, pretty silk ties for his hair, homemade lotions/salves to make his scars hurt a bit less. Charms for protection and restful sleep.

Lots of kissing and praise throughout the day. More than usual, that is. Muriel NEEDS to know he is loved and appreciated and Kamui is very glad that he was born.

Very low energy, Kamui wants to do things to help him relax, turn his brain off, feel loose, good, loved. A very slow day without too much in it.

Sae x Nadia

“What’s that? It’s your day of birth and you have WORK scheduled? Don’t think so. I told everyone to go fuck themselves and had the chef bring us breakfast in bed. Once you’re finished I will braid your hair and use this oil I made to administer a full body massage. My very genius plan. Praise me”

They dress very comfortably because if anyone has a fucking PROBLEM then Sae will flay them alive from the inside out and Nadia considers that a wee bit of a turn-on. It’s cozy day bay bee. They drink tea out on the veranda with no shoes on (!!) and spend the entire day indulging

Sae puts on a magic show for Nadia (and no one else) at night that’s very mesmerizing and beautiful. Nadia responds by pulling Sae into her lap and kissing her dizzy and then Sae’s like “S-So did you like it then--”

Sae doesn’t exactly have plans so much as she hisses like a feral cat at anyone who tries to make Nadia do Work thus allowing Nadia to do whatever she wants, and Sae is at her disposal

Not much in the way of gifts because Sae doesn’t see the point in providing material possessions so much as providing An Experience

Sae doesn’t really Get birthdays because hers were never celebrated so it’s a learning experience for her. All she thinks is that this seems like the right time to spoil Nadia, and that’s, like, enough, right?

Whispers in Nadia’s ear that she’s wearing lingerie under her outfit but then won’t let Nadia unwrap that present until later. Probably won’t wait very long though they’ll be very busy all day if you know what I

Sae x Portia

Sae doesn’t have to do much but provide her presence. Portia knows what she wants to do, although she’d be delighted to let Sae plan a day for them once in awhile. There’s a lot of things Portia’s thought about doing but no time to do them, and her birthday is the perfect time for that. Nadia would let her take time off easy.

In this instance, Sae would arrive with like a bag of handmade chocolates or a decorated mason jar with some jam or something in it and present it to her arms out turned away blushing furiously and Portia can’t stop giggling at how cute she is. She kisses her and holds the gift lovingly against her chest, they’ll share it on the picnic they’re about to go on together!

Cozy clothes they aren’t afraid to get dirty in, laid out on a gingham blanket and talking, holding hands, feeding each other, kissing. Spoiling Pepi who comes over to hang out.

They go into the palace for hijinks. Sae follows along not knowing where they’re going or who they’re talking to or what they’re doing but Portia is so fun and she knows it’ll be good. Sae teaches her some magic along the way to make everything even more exciting, they can play some pranks where Sae teaches her a spell and Portia uses it for shenanigans

Sae can pay for them to go out into the town and eat at a nice bakery, and then she holds Portia’s hand and leads her to some stray cats she found recently. After that she can show Portia some magic stuff in the woods or maybe they can plan to travel somewhere adventurous where Sae can watch Portia swing around a huge sword maybe. They try out a bunch of fun stuff fit for a magician, stuff Sae’s pretty used to but it makes Portia’s face light up with wonder and Sae just stares at her. Heart eyes

#the arcana #asra alnazar #julian devorak #muriel #portia devorak #nadia satrinava #the apprentice #oc apprentice #fan apprentice #oc:kamui #oc:saekamui #text #writing #Anonymous #headcanon #the arcana writing

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hg47 · 3 years

Text

47 Reasons Why I Fear Islam - (Reason 1)

-1-I am suspicious of any religion that demands the death of any member who quits. Polls taken worldwide consistently reveal that the majority of Muslims in the world want the laws of whatever country they are living within changed to allow the execution of any Muslim who leaves Islam (if the laws do not already allow this). The majority of Muslims in the world also want the laws of whatever country they are living in to make blasphemy of Islam an offense punishable by death. The majority of Muslims in the world also want the laws of whatever country they are living within to allow for hand amputation as a punishment for theft. This frightens me because it indicates that so called “moderate Muslims” are in the minority, possibly far below the 50% mark of Muslims. 10%? It also frightens me because it shows that Muslims are not inclined to assimilate into Western society; they will generally NOT acquire Western values. A few will; but most? No. It frightens me because the bulk of Muslims expect whatever country they are living within to change and adapt to their own religion. Most moderate Muslims fully expect to slowly destroy EVERYTHING non-Islamic, over a period of centuries. Western culture honors the individual, The Unique Individual, and tries to provide a framework for different people, with their differing backgrounds, to work constructively together. Islamic rulings deny the value of the individual. People only exist so that their God will have worshippers. And their God is delighted in proportion and intensity of the received worship. (Asking for a Muslim who pretends to be my friend: Since a female Muslim is only worth half a male Muslim, does that mean that her worship only delights the Islamic God half as much?) As I write this, 9/25/2013 10:20 AM, significantly more than half the Muslims in the world want to kill any Muslim who quits their religion. What does this say about Islam? What does this say about what Islam does to people? One of my favorite TV shows is LIFE, starring Damian Lewis and Sarah Shahi. It only ran for 2 seasons. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001I24BTA/ref=dv_dp_ep4 Episode 4, Season 2 of LIFE is based on the Stanford Prison Experiment: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_prison_experiment This Wikipedia entry details what the Guard/Prisoner Dynamic does to people. In the LIFE episode: “Us Against Them -- A university’s prison experiment goes horribly wrong when one of the students acting as a corrections officer ends up dead.” The show demonstrates in a dramatic way, how civilized college kids can be made to behave in savage ways, doing terrible things they never could have imagined they would ever do, just by organizing them within a Guard/Prisoner Dynamic. I believe this is what Islam does to people: it sets up a Guard/Prisoner Dynamic. Male Muslims are the Guards. Female Muslims are the Prisoners. Male head of a household: Warden. Sons: Rookie Guards. Religious leaders would be the Western equivalent of Rock Stars. Super-Wardens? Outside the prison walls: “Infidels! We must make the prison larger! Need more prisoners!” Anyone who quits Islam: “Escaped prisoner! Kill! Kill!” Obviously, I am over-simplifying. But I think I’m onto something. A useful First Approximation? Is Islam a force for Good, or a force for Evil? You tell me! Send me a tweet. ++++------- tweet ~ Islam theologizes the inferiority of Muslim women as being worth 1/2 of Muslim men. A non-Muslim has no worth unless impregnated by a Muslim ++++------- http://www.amazon.com/Islam-Terrorism-teaches-Christianity-violence/dp/0884198847/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1380596025&sr=1-1&keywords=islam+and+terrorism+mark+a+gabriel In ISLAM AND TERRORISM by Mark A. Gabriel, Ph.D., Mark tells how when he quit Islam to become a Christian, his father tried to kill him as he ran away: His own father, with tears streaming down his face, shooting bullets at him. ++++------- tweet ~ Christianity + Judaism + Technology = Man on the Moon (Reaching for Heaven?) \\ Islam + Technology = Rioting Muslim Mobs (Hell on Earth?) ++++------- http://wikiislam.net/wiki/Islam_and_Apostasy The majority of Muslims in the world want anyone who quits Islam to be killed. The stats show that most Muslims are inflexible on this point. Keep it in mind, before you convert to Islam. Once in, never out. ++++------- tweet ~ HASSAN ROUHANI: “Iran only wants Nuclear Energy for Peaceful Medical purposes. Medical tests scheduled for Tel Aviv, New York, London…” ~ (OK, I’m joking! But I do believe that is their intent.) ++++------- http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/world/son-of-hamas-holds-islam-responsible-for-middle-easts-anguish/article2239037/?utm_medium=Feeds%3A%20RSS%2FAtom&utm_source=Home&utm_content=2239037 In this article MICHAEL POSNER argues that the Palestinian/Israeli Conflict is not about politics or security, but is all about religion. He also argues that anyone who does not believe in Islam is under a Death Sentence. ++++------- tweet ~ Female Suicide Bombers in Paradise: “You are a brand new Virgin! We’re giving you to Male Bomber #45889! Happy Eternity!” ++++------- http://www.city-journal.org/2011/21_3_muslim-economy.html In this article Guy Sorman gets into the whole sharia banking thing, how Islamic banks do all the formerly forbidden Infidel monetary practices like interest and credit, but just describe them differently so the imams back home don’t get upset. Guy also brings up the point that any Sunni imam can define what it means to leave Islam and become an apostate under a death sentence, and that this tends to discourage any innovation. Why try something new, if you might get killed for it? ++++------- I am amused. Muslims, always concerned with the letter of the law, never the intent of the law, are now using forbidden Infidel banking practices of “interest” and “credit” which are illegal under Islamic law—but the Muslims just give these practices different names. So, it’s OK! Is this Islam lying to itself? Or is this an instance of Muslim banking specialists lying to Muslim imams? Or are they all “in on the game” and cool with the Great Big Lie? This whole “describing things differently” thing to conform with Islamic law actually is an Islamic legal precedent, if moderate Muslims wish to take advantage of it. Feminists, get on this! If Muslim bankers can find a “description” of the hateful Infidel banking practice of “derivatives” which conforms to Sharia law, perhaps Muslim feminists can find a “description” of women which will give them equal rights with men under Islamic law. There may be a better approach, but this Islamic legal precedent of “describing things differently” may be of some use. Possibly “Infidels” might be described as “innocent future Muslims” so as to avoid bloodshed. ++++------- tweet ~ 66% of Protestant pastors in the US believe that Islam is “Dangerous” * (Harper’s) ++++------- http://www.familysecuritymatters.org/publications/id.9182/pub_detail.asp In this article, AMIL IMANI argues that Islam is not a religion, but rather a cult. The way Amil Imani describes it, Islam does seem to fit the definition. ++++------- tweet ~ Which is the better TwitterName for that guy? Ahmadinedildo or Ahmadildojad? I love pushing a dildo into Ahmadinejad, does that make me gay? ++++------- http://pajamasmedia.com/blog/the-stifling-effect-of-muhammeds-life-and-teachings-on-muslim-society/ One of the things Hege Storhaug mentions in this article is the Pew Research study results that 84% of Egyptians want to kill anyone who leaves Islam. ++++------- tweet ~ ISLAMABAD (Reuters – May, 2015) - Pakistan has blocked all Western media indefinitely in a bid to contain “blasphemous” material. ~ (OK, I’m just trying to think ahead here. It’s now 10/12/2013 5:06 AM. But something like this may happen. Iran is trying to set up its own Islamic-Approved Internet to control information and eliminate protest against the government.) ++++------- http://www.familysecuritymatters.org/publications/id.8622/pub_detail.asp In this article Diana West mentions the Pew stat about 84% of Egyptians wanting to kill anyone who leaves Islam. ++++------- tweet ~ US (Reuters – May, 2017) – Twitter begins filtering in deference to Muslims: Muhammad, Mohamed & Muhamad now appear in Tweets as GEORGE. ~ (Again, this is just me, circa 10/12/2013 5:11 AM trying to think ahead.) ++++------- http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-1206-muslim-poll-20101206,0,252922.story This article by Meris Lutz, Los Angeles Times, has more stats about Islam. Muslims, by wide majorities in Egypt, Pakistan, and Nigeria want current laws changed so that anyone who exits Islam can be executed. ++++------- At present, Muslims who leave Islam are sometimes killed by family members or, occasionally, angry Muslim mobs. So I can see why Muslims want the laws of their nation changed to kill those who leave Islam. Let the state deal with it. This would save family embarrassment. I wonder if there are stats on what percentage of Muslims quit Islam and survive? ++++------- tweet ~ So which do the #TeaParty Tweople hate more? Black man Obama in White House? Or Shiite Muslim Rima Fakih as winner of Miss USA contest? ++++------- http://www.citizenwarrior.com/2009/05/terrifying-brilliance-of-islam.html Citizen Warrior, in this article, confirms that Islam is a Once-In-Never-Out Proposition. ++++------- tweet ~ Saudi Women are not allowed to drive, inherit, divorce or gain custody of children, and cannot socialize with unrelated men. Can they Tweet? ++++------- http://www.hudson-ny.org/1610/sharia-advancing-in-west This article by Salah Uddin Shoaib Choudhury is mostly about Islamic Banking in the West, and how the Sharia experts are setting the stage now for the eventual destruction of the United States of America. The murder of apostates is also mentioned. ++++------- tweet ~ INTERPOL Agrees to Same-Sex Couple Conjugal Visits between Ex-President Ahmadinejad & Ayatollah Khamenei if they both surrender immediately. ~ (Yes, another joke.) ++++------- http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/2010/10/12/26542/ This article by Brendan Carroll brings up Geert Wilders, and asks some serious questions concerning Free Speech, Islamic values, and Western Values. It also notes that Muslim youth today have been radicalized compared with former generations of Muslims living within the West. ++++------- tweet ~ We have political ads on TV to influence voters; Iraq has clerics in mosque chanting for death. The real #Iraq ballots are bullets & bombs. ++++------- http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-11559451 Stephen Evans in this article notes that Muslims have largely failed to integrate as useful members of German society, instead becoming a drain upon the state and a threat to German values. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +Go-To-2+ +Go-To-Beginning-Of-47-REASONS-WHY-I-FEAR-ISLAM+

#islam

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wilccard · 4 years

Note

☺ ♣ ♥ !! ☼ ?? ► ↕

( modern au ) ::: accepting.

☺ for a loving/affectionate text

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] when did we turn into the third floor gays that buy flowers and leave them on the window sill for ages? 🙄

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] several poets would be disappointed in us. i won’t bother listing them here.😒 just buy new flowers THE ONES THAT DON’T DIE.

♣ for a drunk text

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] [ SPEECH TO TEXT ] hello babe why is your family cruella de vil. ville. veel? how do you spell

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] i’m getting grilled for no fuckjng sreason. Reason. why do they know my motherss name??? something abt? her not finishing college? fucking ell

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] HOW AM I AT UR FAMILY PARTY BEFROE YOU...! GET HERE 🤡

♥ for a sexual/naughty text

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] oh my god, august, the things that does to me.

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] [ VIDEO 03:38 ]

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] okay, longer than usual, but. what’s the point in having a bathroom mirror if not this. ALSO, USE HEADPHONES. EXPLICIT DESCRIPTIONS AHEAD.

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] if you use this to destroy my nonexistent political career (since my life is an appendage to yours at this point, no jk) at least take it to the finish line

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] [ IMAGE ] yea btw we need to clean the bathroom mirror.

!! for a threatening text

[[ sutherlandslide. ]] [ 2018 ] [ drafted ] i cannot believe you’d pull this stunt. what’s the point in bringing him to the dorm room, you absolute idiot, you have a condo in the city. yOU LEFT THE DOOR OPEN. OF COURSE I’D WALK IN ON YOU TWO. you’d think i?? what, wouldn’t catch on? wouldn’t see through the paperthinfuckingveil of it? I AM NOT BLOODY TWELVE. I’M A POLI SCI MAJOR THIS IS LIKE... COLD WAR TACTICS 101. i cannot believe you’d use up and break the heart of some random bloke just to prove a point - people are people you absolute fucking brat. you spoiled, silverspoon asshole. shit like this, august? it’s exactly the reason i need to go. i just... need some time away. a world that doesn’t revolve around this will-they-wont-they we keep doing.

☼ for a morning text

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] it’s like i woke up and i no longer know who i am

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] or as if i just found out. yea, definitely the latter

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] cannot believe it took us this long to do this. mostly me, but shush. i’m losing it in the fucking subway i cannot wait to get back home.

?? for a strange/vague text

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] the polls close in at 10, go go go go !!! you can make it to the first interview if you drop everything right now. ed should be there.

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] i’m omw, just trying to GET A FUCKING RIDe. if central lon traffic isn’t your priority for the first quarter i’m quitting.

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] also, if this works out.... and i’m saying IF. if. we should probably get new phones for these messages??? i’m not freaking out. just... I just want to hold you right now. to be there for whatever they announce.

► for a text not meant for you

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] jonathan i have no idea what they teach you in med school but. That thing you suggested? Christ i saw stars. i’m p sure august can’t walk straight 👌

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] wait

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] SMHhhhhh no way 🙃🙃🙃. they show shit like this on twitter and i always said it’s utterly fake tosh. well GUESS WHAT? I’M BEING PUNISHED FOR MY SKEPTICISM. FOR MY HUBRIS.

[[ willem 🍑💕 ]] i am so sorry lol.

↕ for a scared/worried text

[[ sutherlandslide. ]] [ 2019 ] this is a temp phone so i’m not sure if it’ll get through. thank God the contacts saved. S. Jobs looking out for me from beyond the grave i guess haha.

[[ sutherlandslide. ]] [ 2019 ] okay, okay. here’s to cutting the crap in the new year: your mom texted. actually, she didn’t, she phoned MY mom, who was already riled up for not being able to reach me, so I assume that just amped her up. cue their collective paranoia that we’re somehow both gonna die at 5000 miles from one another but in perfect sync. cue my mom phoning the EMBASSY. she cried for like an hour but i managed to get from her that you’re?? in a bad way?? on some stuff?? it still wasn’t clear. you’re using?

[[ sutherlandslide. ]] [ 2019 ] one, what, and two, what the fuck? you never did that shit. we never did that shit. i took like two bumps in fresher’s week and you had to hold my hair back as i was throwing up in someone’s garden. and then you stayed up with me literally all through the night while i kept saying i can hear my teeth speak, which, Yeah. so how

[[ sutherlandslide. ]] [ 2019 ] God this PHONE. how did you get from that to just doing lines on the reg? and what else? there better not be an else. there better not is all i’m saying. and no i don’t mean the swedish/danish/whatever boyfriend, you can go through the GQ catalogue for all i care & as long as you’re safe. i mean an ILLEGAL sort of else. God, August, what happened to you? you had plans. we had plans? just because David Cameron can be caught on camera dicking a pig or something doesn’t mean it’s a free for all in world politics. one footage of the wrong angle, the right angle, and it just. it all goes to shit.

[[ sutherlandslide. ]] [ 2019 ] I don’t even know if I’m giving you this ole slap on the wrist as your future PR or manager or... or just as me. I think it’s just as me. I cannot cope with the thought of you snorting shit off someone’s hand in a glitzy loo somewhere. I cannot cope with the fact that? This is who you are when I’m not there? Was this who you’ve always been? Where the fuck was I during it? What did I not see? It sends me bloody raving. It sends me just... somewhere so dark and so off the edge of the world.

[[ sutherlandslide. ]] [ 2019 ] I’m coming home.

#drug use tw #drugs tw #* ╰ [ holystone. ] ⏤ memes.#* ╰ [ 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙘𝙞𝙤𝙣. ] ⏤ ⁽ odnolyub. ⁾

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madebyleftovermuses · 4 years

Text

The one with Grandpa’s writing

Chapter Sixty-Three: Hereditary

* So vigilante!Archie ties these kids up and then as Archie finds them and brings them to pop’s to sort them out 👌🏻

* Aw, Betty ordered Jughead food

* Jug ignoring Betty’s advice of taking a walk, looking at art and kissing his girlfriend

* She had to tell him twice to kiss her

* One of us! One of us! One of us!

* Cheryl should know she was dreaming since Toni wasn’t in bed with her

* Why the hell does she have that creepy ass doll in her bedroom? And why the hell does Toni allow it?

* Dodger trashed the gym

* Archie just straight up telling FP where Dodger is operating out of like he didn’t beat him up out there

* Have we actually ruled that Charles is gay

* I don’t like Hermosa

* Veronica asking if she has any other siblings

* Hiram returning to his passion

* extortion and murder👌🏻

* His passion is rum of course

* Veronica not wanting her sister to help in her speakeasy that should be totally illegal for a high school student to be operating

* Veronica kicking out her father and sister

* Jug thinking Grandpa Jones wrote the first book

* Jughead is really hung up in his grandfather despite everything his father has told him which honestly is very contradicting

* Betty visiting Chic because why the fuck not

* Yes lets go to Chic for information on Charles because we totally can trust whatever comes out of his mouth

* So, I cannot picture Cheryl missing school. She bragged about her GPA but she’s the queen bee of the school so she wouldn’t miss school

* Cheryl pour salt around the doll probably should put some iron around it too

* Charles upset that Betty went to Chic but like same

* Betty outright telling him she doesn’t trust him

* So, how long has Jingle Jangle been around and did the Ghoulies actually create it or just found the recipe and made their own?

* Archie looking for arcade games for the kids

* Veronica is like whats this about arcade games?

* Cheryl in trouble oooooh

* Nope just an accident

* I’m sorry but how the fuck did Dagwood choke on a ping pong ball? They aren’t that small or am I confused

* Veronica laying out the sitting arrangements for the club

* Just googled if you can choke on a ping pong ball and the answer is fucking no so what the fuck Riverdale?!

* Booth 11 is for enemies

* Cheryl calling the doll a demon doll 👌🏻

* And finding him with Jason

* Surprise family back in town

* Of course Cheryl faints its just family

* Nobody fucking cares what you did in Miami

* Sitting Hiram and Hermosa at booth 11 is a power move

* Charles hooked up to a lie detector

* Sounds familiar like when someone killed shady man and Betty walked in

* He’s a recovering addict at least there’s meetings for his addiction unlike my Funko Pop figure addiction

* I feel like there is more than just the narcotic addition

* This fucker in Archie’s gym that he came him

* Damn right Fred was a good man!

* Archie being nice to the man who tried killing him and tried sending him to jail

* Hiram wanting to donate to Archie’s cause of saving the at risk youth

* Fuck you aunt Cricket

* So, Clifford had a twin brother both are dead and then Penelope who was adopted is in the wind but how in the world are those people aunt and uncle at most they’re cousins to her parents

* Also, is Cricket a blossom like Polly and married into the family to keep the bloodline pure? SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BLOSSOM FAMILY!!

* Wanting to sell the maple farm

* Cheryl needs to get away from thistle house

* And Cheryl thinking it makes sense

* Wow Cheryl going crazy over the chapel....here’s an idea Cheryl BURY YOUR BROTHER AND REGULARLY VISIT HIS GRAVE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!!

* Hiram just showing up, taking his clothes off and Hermione not really stoping him

* Yes, because who doesn’t want a husband who orders a hit out on you

* “I already regret this” as you should

* Jughead following the Forsythe the First breadcrumbs

* Again very confused about why they decided to have two high schools both Jones’s went to Riverdale High yet they built Southside High after the parents graduated

* So, there is a train from wherever Stonewall Prep is and Riverdale

* Archie got arcade games

* Pizza isn’t life apparently, burgers and fries draws in a crowd

* Cheryl trying to drown this doll

* Should we be concerned that there are bubbles coming from the doll

* “Mom I have a surprise for you” she does too

* Hiram is back because why the fuck not

* Hiram thinking Veronica is jealous of Hermosa

* Frosty Pajamas of course that would be his grandfather’s pen name and Riverdale High

* Jughead finding GPJ’s writing

* How could Chic know the location? FP handled it the second time and it was i think after Chic was gone from the house

* What evidence? You dissolved the body with Lye which pretty sure there isn’t a body anymore unless I’m wrong

* The car was taken care of and the blood was cleaned up and pretty sure burned

* So again i ask WHAT THE FUCK RIVERDALE?!

* Burgers brought in a crowd...kind of surprise Jug isn’t there for the free burgers because he would

* If Jordan Conner was still on the show he would have shown up just for the arcade games...i really hope we get our Sweet Pea back

* “You’re costing me my work force” that’s the idea asshole

* Dodger thinking Archie is the masked man...i mean he’s right

* They waited up after FP said not to wait up

* One thing that bothers me about the whole Charles thing is THEY DIDNT GET A DNA TEST!! After Chic you’d think they would to actually make sure it is their child and not trust the word of mouth

* Still don’t know how I feel about Charles

* Jug talking to Mr. DuPont about the first book

* DuPont not liking the idea of Jug calling him out about the first book

* DuPont getting pissy that Jug just called him out as a plagerist

* How dare you call GPJ a bottom-feeding dropout in a third rate school

* Don’t being FP into this you stuck up asshole

* Mr. DuPont your privilege is showing

* I know who you are, you are a privileged old white dude who looks down on the working class

* I’m sorry did this asshole threaten to kick out Jug for confronting him about stealing someone’s work? I’m pretty sure that’s not grounds of expulsion

* DuPont got really hostile so yeah he stole GPJ’s work

* Hermosa telling Veronica about the relationship between her mother and their father

* Hiram really gave both daughters pearl necklaces like he cant come up with an original gift

* The father you know didn’t try sending the love of your high school life to prison or try killing him

* Cheryl really blocking anyone from entering that chapel

* Can they declare her unfit? But i mean yeah she is mentally unwell

* WHAT IS YOUR COUSIN’S NAME CHERYL? HE’S KINDA CUTE

* Going to Chipping with the fact that DuPont didnt write the first book

* Archie you idiot you put your mother in danger!!!

* Do you wanna be an orphan or have your mother bury her child after she buried her ex-husband (were they divorced?)

* Another daughter portrait

* FYI you’re only the apple of his eye because Veronica disowned him

* Veronica skipping the sham of a vow renewal

* Really idiot!!! You go to Hiram to get rid of Dodger!!

* Jughead you ruined your teacher by telling him DuPont is a thief!!

* And out the window Chipping goes

* Zero fucks were giving by the other four students the Chipping dove out the window

* Finally someone telling Cheryl she’s problematic with her obsession with Jason

* She’ll end up in a mental institution, true

* But not for a long time (well, maybe)

* But you just committed B&E, and assault two counts

* The only thing the authorities will do is put her into a hospital

* And you just threaten murder so, you’ll go to jail

* Toni for the save and it was self-defense

* The fuck Charles and Chic!!

* Dodger got beat up!

* Bret is happy that the seminar is cancelled and that they all get 4.0s because that’s totally how that works

* Bret taking pleasure in Chipplings demise

* Nope you guys get DuPont for the seminar

* Also FUCK YOU BRET!! NO ONE LIKES YOU

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adamsvanrhijn · 4 years

Text

@molesly sent an excerpt from what we must to get by (smithens on ao3) for the dvd commentary meme!

and it’s so long jesus why do i write dialogue with all these line breaks and beats (because that’s how people talk, womp womp)

so i guess the preemptive thing too here is that like, this fic is based off of a blatantly ahistoric and unrealistic concept, so i had to lean into that A Lot to make it work, and so there’s like far more than a nonzero amount of that bullshit going on here..............

here being, thomas and richard just having had intense passionate frustrated sex in a hotel room in harrogate, england and then after chilling out a bit calling the wife richard never mentioned having, aka my 1920s lesbian oc fred, for whom i would die

“Mr. Richard Ellis calling.”

A beat.

“Oh, thank goodness, I thought it might have been someone out of the Comptroller’s office — Molly’s over, but I’m back to work in a quarter of an hour, just darning a stocking.”

we got some flippant husband-wife interaction going on here....

fred is a lady’s maid and darning stockings is a lady’s maid thing. they reference the comptroller in the film (this being the man richard impersonates) and i’m like, not actually sure how all that works, handwave, but again, this fic is like, entirely handwave for reasons of What The Fuck Were You Thinking Julian Fellowes

For whatever reason, this makes Richard frown.

“Be ca – say hello for me.”

He isn’t looking at him, but he’s started rubbing his hand in circles upon his thigh.

He’s just as nervous as he is, Thomas realises, and he puts his hand — glove’s back on, now — flat upon his own and presses. Richard takes a deep breath.

richard “do as i say not as i do” ellis, king of telling people to be more cautious about their illegal activity and then absolutely not doing that, king of being semi-aware of this and trying to make a good impression on his new boyfriend and continually fucking up because he’s 100 feet deep in the closet

and thomas of course is having a really weird week and doesn’t want to fuck this up.

“Mrs. Davies told me about the accident,” Fred says. Thomas obviously doesn’t know her well enough to get a sense of what she’s like over the phone, but she sounds guarded, to say the least, hesitant. “I’ve been worried sick, truly. How’s your cousin?”

“Rather a false alarm,” Richard says. “He’ll be quite all right, I hope, everything’s on the mend. I’m with him now, in fact.”

richard, guilt-tripping the fuck out of whoever is in charge of him in this scenario: my cousin has been in a grievous accident and is on his deathbed, since i’m already in yorkshire anyway can i just like, go up there and see him before he dies and then be back in london first thing tomorrow, You Won’t Even Know I’m Gone

i invented a third valet for the king of england (yes he would have had one) (i fucking know right) who is married just for like, the drama of it all (again, may i reiterate, none of these people irl would be married or have children, they would be fired if they did). anyway he tells his wife and his wife tells richard’s wife, who knows her husband and thus is like, oh i know exactly what’s going on here. king and queen of making shit up because you’re in the closet

honestly this fic was really fun because i got to be like, okay what IS historically accurate, and how can i alter that in a way that makes anything near resembling sense... fun

“Well, then – can he hear me?”

“Yes.”

again..... she knows what he’s like... they’ve been married for 13 years... ok idk i f i can keep doing the line by line gonna jump down a bit

“Hello, Thomas.”

His mouth is suddenly dry. “Hello, er…” — what does he call her? what would a cousin-in-law call her? not Mrs. Ellis, and not Fred, either, he’s pretty sure, Richard made it sound like that was a private nickname, it’s not exactly common for a woman —

“Winnie,” she says.

“Winnie.”

When others might be listening, at least.

“It was so good of Richard to see to you, after what happened, the least he could do, really. I’m always telling him he ought to make time for family and such as he’s able.”

What she means, he can tell, is, sorry my husband fucked you over.

He likes her. Or he will, at least.

“Yeah, it's… a good thing he could make it.”

Again......... bitches be circumspect, etc. thomas is not used to this because he is in limbo at downton so there’s some hesitancy here. fred is absolutely being flippant in order to get the point across that she knows what’s going on. richard is internally putting his head in his hands and breathing heavy

also fred talks like an american and i’m aware of that and sorry not sorry...... that’s just how i wrote her.... i didn’t realise until i went thru again and was like aw fuck

He doesn’t miss the start of a smile on Richard’s face, nor the sudden change to nonchalance when he notices Thomas noticing — but it’s there in his eyes, still.

Here come the butterflies again.

The relief of being on your way to forgiveness!!! The mortifying ordeal of being known! THEM!

thomas is not used to people wanting him around and valuing his presence (this is a theme in all of my thomas/richard fic tbh.... womp i’m predictable) and experiencing that makes him nervous and cautious and also.... perhaps feeling good.

“And the arrangements for care and whatnot, everything’s all honest and in good order?”

She’s exactly like Richard — articulate, maybe just a touch self-regarding. This is clearly a woman who thinks before she speaks.

“Think so, yes, or – it will be.”

He threads his fingers between Richard’s and underneath his hand, fingertips to palm.

“I’m so pleased to hear it.”

“As was I,” Richard says. He squeezes Thomas’s fingers. The pressure feels nice – must be a good day, though it helps that it’s warm outside and he got his blood flowing, probably.

i know fandom takes care of this pretty well but like, the fact that thomas never has problems with his hand again in the show? inch resting. there would absolutely be nerve damage and reduced grip strength and joint stiffness. he does do that flex and curl thing with his fingers a few times which i’ve probably gone overboard with but yeah. anyway just bringing it up. thomas is not often holding hands with people and he doesn’t know what it feels like especially on this hand so it is additionally surprising that it’s soothing i guess. idk i might have gone That Deep... embarrassing

When Fred speaks next, her voice is different; it’s lighter. She’s teasing him: “we ought to have you up to London soon as you’re feeling better; you’ve been on our minds, you know, and dear Richard speaks ever so highly of you – ”

“Say, Winifred, could you put Molly on?”

Thomas kicks him and hopes it comes off as affectionate and not catty.

Fred laughs, bright and sparkling.

“Sure thing.”

STOP EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF MY BOYFRIEND >:-(

thomas is of course being affectionate AND a little catty. not enough he hears that people say nice thing about him.

anyway as i said above this entire fic was like really fun and also cathartic to write in some ways, because like, god, literally no other reason for that plotline to ever have come to anyone except for homophobia because it straight up just w o u l d n o t h a p p e n

it wouldn’t happen! it wouldn’t happen! what the fuuuuck

but it was fun to just be like, this by its nature cannot be historically accurate, so i can handwave some things and just go full melodrama, which, Let’s Be Honest, is really what they do with downton abbey in the first place, so you could say i’m just writing in the spirit of the show! if of course the spirit of the show had like 500% more gay in it

i want to go back and edit this fic too because i made some choice in as far as like, what to include goes bc i wanted to get chapters out (which i also did w ywntmha) and now i’m like hmmmmmmm maybe these things should be in this fanfiction after all.................. there’s like a hundred times more richard-being-a-servant in the drafts as well as some additional lesbian content so. maybe that’ll be added into the actual fic at some point in the next 12 weeks; we’ll see!!!!

#downton abbey tag #my fanfiction #fic commentary meme

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mikiruma · 5 years

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uhhh Headcanons for that little mcdonalds emo boy u post sometimes from saints rows

HDJWHDWJDIWD MCDONALDS EMO BOY BE NICE TO HIM!!!!!!!! thats matt miller!!!!

A) hes autistic and yes i will die by this. his special interests are hacking/programming & nyte blayde!! we know hes exceptionally talented with hacking and it likely gave him the edge he needed to lead the deckers. he's a complete menace though and while he isnt too fond of his time sitting in the syndicate with killbane, he takes great pride in what he does. for nyte blayde its pretty obvious- he brings it up as often as he can, particularly with those he knows/trusts, he writes & reads fanfiction (dont lie to yourself matt), he holds the series near and dear to his heart. i think him making the simulation to share it with the boss was pretty peak special interest moments and goes to show how tight he thinks they are. OH ALSO BOSS GIVING HIM ALL THE RIGHTS TO THE SERIES WAS PRETTY SEXY... and thats just in canon! more headcanons include faking eye contact, stims by humming & hand flapping, and gets hyperverbal when hes overwhelmed on both positive & negative ends. also the tight clothes? sure it fits w his cyberpunk aesthetic but also thats absolutely pressure stimming. you cannot change my mind

B) he either kins nyte blayde or has a crush on him. he claims he hates self insert mary sues breaking canon but come on he literally wrote himself in a fanfic being nyte blayde's sidekick. also in his romance cutscene when you ask if he wants to Get Nasty he asks you to call him nyte blayde. its probably not that deep but i wish i was joking

C) i wrote a huge ass thing but cut it all down bc it was way longer than everything else & pretty in depth but in short: killbane is a shitlord and matts fucked up from his time in the syndicate. not like moving to the mi6 helped since he ended up working with the saints when boss won the presidency but at least hes best friends with his boss now & is treated like an adult and a valuable member of their little team. earth gang

D) matt never really cared for the business aspect since killbane & the dewynters/viola managed it all, so outside of extorting companies and smaller criminals using their services, he would help trans people get their names changed/make hrt more accessible/affordable. of course all in illegal ways but who cares trans rights! also hes cis and gay and i know thats rich coming from mako "everything i touch is trans" mikiruma. i cant defend myself

#response #groovenians #friend stuff #ask game #saints row #swearing -#ask to tag #in short im sexy i stan matt miller and im glad killbanes rotting!#and above all? i headcanon him with take a nap and self love/care #headcanons

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marcusmayle087 · 4 years

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Trey Burke Nigger!

Things will get worse for you since you wanna keep on lying!Your not gay anymore because you got a girl or woman finally. But from age 7 to age 16 you and Jared Sullinger were gay because you did not have a girlfriend before hanging out with boys. You went against GOD'S words in the bible. That's why I stayed away from you because you were gay. Me and my boys and girls are straight since we started hanging out. You lied to me, you ditched me when I said you needed a girl before hanging out with boys. Now you are a hater because you are not speaking to me. All my athlete days are done.. since 2005 when I graduated. GOD has already punished you that's why you look 32 years old and your only 27 years old. I've only been punished by GOD 23 times from age 1 to age 4 from sinning. GOD don't bless any kind of sin. I wish we could hang out and play video games that you wanted to. I love playing video games. What games do you love to play. I'm not mad at you for ditching me. I've known you for 18 years 2 months 19 days. You didn't follow the ten commandments, you cannot have tattoos, and you didn't have a girl before having the same gender friend. The same gender friend is gay that's why GOD didn't bless you and Jared Sullinger for 9 years after both of you got a girl because you didn't obey. We all have to follow the same words to be blessed. I've had the same 10 girlfriends for 27 years 3 months and 7 days. My boyfriends got their girlfriends before having the same gender friend. I'm just letting you know and GOD knows you lied to me saying that you were going to play video games, but I stayed away because you did not have a girlfriend before hanging out with boyfriends. I didn't think you would lie to me when we were going to play video games for 3 hours. You went right to Jared Sullinger and played video games like you were a hater. You can write back to me by my mailing address, e-mail [email protected], and text me by phone-330-265-0541. I'm not mad at you or anything. All my athlete days are over with way back in 2005. I have 12 girlfriends and my boys 5,6,7,8,9 years old. None of my friends were never gay, or lesbians because they always had a girl or boy before hanging out with the same gender like the bible says we have to, to become blessed later in life. You can talk to me about anything. I'm 10 time MVP 10 time VIP in 4 different sports. Football, Basketball, Bike racing, Wrestling. I'm still number 1 and have not been beat yet. Day-Day you wife was a lesbian for 10 years 7 days. I asked my pastor with Saint Matthews Churches to ask GOD if she was and when I got the letter from them it said yes Day-Day was a lesbian for 10 years 7 days because she didn't know a boyfriend before hanging out with girlfriends. Here is what we have to do to become blessed by GOD and die to go to heaven. Please don't be scared of this or don't say you don't care we all get second chances after we serve all of our sins. SAINT MATTHEWS CHURCHES.ORG 1. THY SHALT NOT DRINK. 2. THY SHALT NOT SMOKE. 3. THY SHALT NOT LIE. 4. THY SHALT NOT STEAL. 5. THY SHALT NOT KILL. 6. THY SHALT NOT LITTER. 7. THY SHALT NOT COMMIT ILLEGAL ACTIONS. 8. THY SHALT NOT BE JEALOUS/IDOLS. 9. THY SHALT NOT JUDGE. 10. THY SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN. GOD DON’T BLESS BOY OR MAN THAT RAPE GIRL OR WOMAN ONE DAY LONGER PER KID THAT HAVE A KID. THAT’S WHY GOD MADE CONDOMS TO AVOID RAPE AND SIN. GOD WROTE THE HOLY BIBLE FOR OUR...CORRECTION, PROTECTION, DIRECTION. WE ARE ALL THE SAME HUMAN AND A ONE OF A KIND. HARD MISTAKES AND SELF-DEFENSE DON’T COUNT AS SIN. YOUR ONLY BLESSED THE SAME WHEN YOU DO THE SAME. WE ALL GET 2ND CHANCES. BEFORE WE DIE, WE HAVE TO... FORGIVE ALL SINS. REPENT ALL SINS. CONFESS ALL SINS. ACCEPT GOD'S KINGDOM.JESUS CHRIST I FORGIVE ALL MY SINS, JESUS CHRIST I REPENTED ALL MY SINS, JESUS CHRIST I CONFESSED ALL MY SINS, JESUS CHRIST I ACCEPT YOUR KINGDOM. IN JESUS CHRIST NAME, I SAY, AMEN! HALLELUJAH! GOD DON'T GIVE PEOPLE MONEY OR PERFECT HEALTH WHEN THEY HAVE TATTOOS. IF YOU MAKE YOURSELF SICK YOUR ON YOUR OWN. IT'S GOD'S WAY OR NO WAY. ONLY SAINTS GET MONEY FROM GOD. THINE HAD NO CHOCOLATE. JUDGE WHEN RIGHTEOUS WITH 2 SCROLLS OF GUIDANCE. BOY FOR GIRL, GIRL FOR BOY, MAN FOR WOMAN, WOMAN FOR MAN... BEFORE HANGING OUT WITH THE SAME GENDER. IT’S AGAINST GOD’S HUMANITY IF YOU DON’T OBEY. GOD WORKS MYSTERIOUS WAYS ONLY IF YOU OBEY HIM. WHAT GOES WRONG WITH OTHER PEOPLE STAY AWAY. COME CLEAN TO BE BLESSED AND SAVED WHICH MEANS BAPTISED. SERVE ALL YOUR SINS TO BECOME BLESSED BY GOD. FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD. THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE! ASK TO RECEIVE. GIVE TO RECEIVE. PRAY TO RECEIVE. ACT TO RECEIVE. BELIEVE TO RECEIVE. OBEY TO RECEIVE. mvpvipsexy's profile picture WAKING UP IS NOT A GOD BLESSING IT'S A HUMAN BLESSING, BEING HERE IS NOT A GOD BLESSING IT'S A HUMAN BLESSING, IT’S GIVEN TO US AS OUR DAILY BREAD AND WITHOUT ASKING, GIVING, PRAYING, ACTING, BELIEVING, OBEYING. ANYTHING YOU RECEIVE FROM A HUMAN IS A HUMAN BLESSING, NOT A GOD BLESSING. WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW DOES HURT YOU WHEN YOU SIN. YOU WAIT ONE DAY LONGER FOR YOUR BLESSING WHEN YOU SIN BECAUSE YOU ARE PUNISHED BY GOD FOR NOT OBEYING HIM. WHEN GOD BLESSES YOU, IT WILL COME ON A GOLDEN PLATTER WITHOUT YOU GOING TO GET IT. THE COMMANDMENTS TO FOLLOW EVERYDAY TO BE BLESSED BY GOD... I am the Lord thy God. Thy shalt have no other gods before me. Thy shalt not make unto thee any graven image. Thy shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. Thy Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Honour thy father and thy mother. Thy shalt not murder. Thy shalt not commit adultery. Thy shalt not steal. Thy shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. Thy shalt not covet (neighbour's house). Thy shalt not covet (neighbour's wife). Thy shalt not covet (neighbour's slaves, animals, or anything else). You shall set up these stones, which I command you today, on Mount Gerizim. I keep sending you messages on facebook and you are not responding. I just hope your not racist or hate crimes. I told you I was one of GOD'S righteous child and son. I have 9 adopted kids...6 boys 3 girls because raping is a sin that GOD doesn't bless. GOD did bless me for adopting. my cell phone number is 330-265-0541 text me. I forgive you. I'm not mad at you. Please text me so we can play video games for 3 hours that you wanted to back in the day when you ditched me and went to play with Jared Sullinger. Also when I received the letter from my pastor in Tulsa, Oklahoma where Saint Matthews churches is...GOD said there were 202 million people were gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or transgender. And 98 million people were straight. Stephen Curry, Pussy James, they were all gay for 9 years and look how old they look, because GOD keeps punishing them because they were not straight. Also Urban Meyer 8 years, Glenn Robinson III 7 years, Braxton Miller 7 years, Damian Lillard 5 years, and I only hang out with straight people africa american or white. Religion don't matter, we all have to follow the same exact bible.We are all human blessed at all times. Were only GOD blessed when it comes on a golden platter brought to us without going to get it. But we have to serve all of our sins before GOD can bless us. I served all 23 of my sins. January 27, 2020 10:25 am You will get your GOD blessing when you are 72 years old or longer because you have to serve all your sins before anyone can receive from GOD. And the longer we wait to play video games for 3 hours the longer it's gonna be for your GOD blessing. February 28, 2020 10:50 am The longer you wait the longer it will be before GOD can bless you and it don't matter what you are doing? You have to play video games for 3 hours and then serve all your sins because of me waiting almost 19 years. You got the wrong person my guy you don’t know me stop acting holier than thou nothing your talking about is registering treyburke's profile picture Please stop February 29, 2020 11:01 am No I don't and that's a promise. We used to hang out in Columbus, Ohio and me and my 2 family members lived down there for a couple of months before we moved because 2 of our family members died. And then I drove back down to Columbus 77 times to find you because you said we were gonna play video games for 3 hours and we didn't. You also said you were gonna bring out Jared Sullinger and you didn't. I stayed away from you because you didn't have a girl friend before hanging out with boys because that is gay when you don't have a girl friend before hanging out with boys. And I wasted all of my time driving down to Columbus to play video games that you were going to play but went to play with Jared Sullinger and that was a sinful satan lie. I'm very happy GOD punishes sin and not bless sin which means 24 hours longer for anyone that's sins like the bible says. You must of received them 2 letters one from me and one from Peter Popoff. But GOD knows and Peter Popoff knows that my words don' But GOD knows and Peter Popoff knows that my words don't fail. All of my athlete days are done with and successfully done. I'm 10 time MVP/VIP in 4 different sports from 2002-2005 in football, basketball, bike racing and wrestling. It only took 3 years for me to do that! I have 9 kids without raping, 9 boys that I hang out with since you don't hang out with me no more, and I have 15 girls that I hang out with because we have to love one another like the bible says. I'm sorry that I'm righteous by GOD and JESUS CHRIST. All that we have to do to become righteous is write and or type 577 testimonies and turn them into your pastor, preacher or reverend and then they send that to thy Father and he reads everything to see if you are righteous or not and I have proof of it. I'm sorry for being so HOLY but please don't be mad at me. Thank you. You can text me since we are still friends. 330-265-0541. Alright I'll stop. I don't want to make you mad. I know you have a family and so do I with all my kids and other family than that. What video game were you gonna play? Was it the same game that you were playing with Jared Sullinger? I love to play all of the mario karts for all the game systems. February 29, 2020 4:30 pm You are the only Trey Burke III that I know that I hung out with when you were 8 years old. November 3rd. 2001 was the exact date. Quit lying that's a sin. There is no guy in the bible...It's either a boy or man...Girl or woman. March 1, 2020 1:13 pm Please be nice to me. I'm just trying to help you out with the Holy Bible! March 3, 2020 11:53 am I see you around, but I'm not saying when or where. And me and GOD know that you are the same Trey Burke from back in the day and GOD has told me already. March 6, 2020 10:52 am You must not like talking much, but GOD will be punishing you for not talking to one of your STRAIGHT friends from back in the day on November 3rd. 2001. GOD knows you are not GAY anymore because you have a woman friend or a wife now and it's a wife that you have. But since you have, now we can talk, hang out and play video games for 3 hours that you wanted to do and were going to do. But it's one day longer waiting for your blessing from GOD every time I wait to play video games. It was the same day when you ran off when I told you needed a girlfriend before hanging out with boys and when you say friend it's the same thing as a boyfriend.Yes you do and that's another lie. I am a boy not a guy and there is no guy in the bible. Trust me and GOD you do know me. treyburke's profile picture And I’m a MAN stop bothering me and God bless but you got the wrong person March 6, 2020 12:56 pm That don't matter I am a 32.6 year young boy after all the blessings I received fro GOD that came on a golden platter without me going to get. And GOD works the same way on everybody. I know you are a 27 year old man. And you lied again, I do not have the wrong person. You are mad because you were gay 9 years with Jared Sullinger because you cannot hang out with boys until you have a girl friend as friends and a girl needs a boy friend as friends. You are from Columbus, Ohio where we met on James Road and East Livingston. Also you are the only one I know of a person name Trey Burke III also known as Alfonso Clark. I asked GOD and yes we did hang out for 3 minutes even though I didn't have to ask GOD because I am GOD'S RIGHTEOUS CHILD AND SON one of them with the 2 scrolls of guidance that everyone needs before they are righteous. Your wife day-day was a lesbian back in the day because she didn't have a boy friend before hanging out with girls. Just because I have you beat in football, basketball, bike racing and in wrestling doesn't mean you can ignore me because that's harassment. That is also a hate crime. I gave you my cell number for you to text me on there to. I haven't changed in 23 years and then some because of all the obeying for GOD that we all have to, to receive what we want from him. I hope your not talking and driving on the phone because that's also a sin that GOD don't bless. Hands on 10 and 2 at all times while driving. Speed limit, turn signals at every turn, stopping fully at stop signs and red lights, no loud music in any kind of vehicle or in houses, No skidding tires, no yelling out the window, no not paying attention to the road, no tinted windows, no texting and driving, no speeding unless there's a tornado coming like I had to do in my hummer back in 2004 when I went tornado chasing when an F5 tornado almost had me. You can at least text me once a week so that we can catch up on what we were supposed to do back in the day. I forgive you! mvpvipsexy's profile picture March 9, 2020 11:20 am Good morning March 18, 2020 2:00 pm I've known you for 18 years, 4 months, 15 days and Jared Sullinger. But we still don't hang out. It was only me and you hanging out back in Columbus, Ohio because you were supposed to bring out Jared and you didn't. But GOD told me you didn't care. And GOD don't bless people that don't care because GOD only cares for the people that do care if they want blessed or not. I have friends that have a girl friend before hanging out with me and they are only 4 years old to age 9 years old and I'm 32 years old. I know your not playing basketball. Everything is shut down or about to be. This corona virus is going to get much worse. March 19, 2020 3:15 pm How you doing? I hope your staying away from sick people. March 20, 2020 12:27 pm Good afternoon. What you doing? Practicing on trying to beat me in basketball! Good luck. I'm 3 time MVP/VIP back to back to back from 2002-2005. I'm also 3 time MVP/VIP in football, bike racing and 1 time MVP/VIP in wrestling. All in 3 years I might be beat, but I doubt it. I'm the only high school person to play 4 sports in 3 years. March 21, 2020 11:24 am How you doing today? March 22, 2020 12:04 pm Sup. March 23, 2020 11:03 am Post Unavailable This post is unavailable. How you doing anyway? March 24, 2020 10:59 am Good morning A new picture doesn't confuse me and GOD! This is not the wrong Trey Burke III. That's why Peter Popoff and I sent the same letter to confirm that you are the one that I know from Columbus, Ohio from back in the day when we hung out for a short time. At least let's play video games for 3 hours like you wanted to so that I quit bugging you. What is the video game that you were going to play? Was it the same video game that you played with Jared Sullinger when you were going to play back in the day with me. GOD knows you lied and I can't forgive you until we play the game that you wanted to play.Howdy. March 26, 2020 10:47 am Good morning You don't talk much any more Saturday 11:44am Sup how you doing ? How many MVP/VIP award trophies do you have? I have 10 Sunday 12:34pm Howdy What you doing? Been almost 19 years since I've known you. And Jared Sullinger. Monday 10:14am Since you have a woman friend or a wife, we can play video games for 3 hours that you wanted to do back in the day when you were 8 years old. The longer you wait the worse things will get as promised by ME, GOD, JESUS CHRIST, PETER POPOFF. You can't just ditch people like that! Bruh find God treyburke's profile picture I don’t know you and I’m blocking you I NEVER MET YOUUUUU Yes you have That's another lie. treyburke's profile picture Blocked Hater hate crime GOD don't bless you until you are 78 years old. That's why niggers are being shot and killed everyday and they go to HELL for not getting rid of their satan tattoos, become baptized, forgive repent confess all their sins, accept GOD'S kingdom. You will be punished very badly very soon as I keep praying for this shit to happen. Thank GOD I have you beat in basketball And you can't even spell bro right What a fucking dumbass My 9 kids don't lie to me, my 9 boys don't lie to me or my 15 girlfriends don't lie to me. It's too bad that you don't have the coronavirus yet! GOD gives very bad luck to people that lie to me. You will be very sorry, very soon. I'm so fucking glad my words don't fail. Your words have failed since you last time hung out with me. Someone needs to put you in jail or fucking shoot your lying ass. Monday 11:44am It will go from bad to worse and that's a promise. I will be loving every moment of it. And Donald Trump will be president until 2024. We don't need gay ass Joe Biden that looks 95 years old because he was gay. Just like you were back in the day because you didn't have a girlfriend before hanging out with boys. Me and my boys and kids have a girlfriend before hanging out with me or there boys. You look 32 years old because GOD punished you from not having at least one girlfriend before hanging out with boys. Tuesday 11:04am Don't say you don't remember me because you do. I even told you to your face that you needed a girlfriend before hanging out with boys or with men. GOD don't bless sin! Which means no one can have satan tattoos, cigarettes, marijuana, pot, weed, crack, cocaine, meth, heroin, follow all the laws, drivers manual, fireworks, beer, alcohol, liquor, swisher sweets, e-cigarettes, any kind of smoking, any kind of drinking. I haven't sinned in 28 years and then some. I was blessed by GOD 311 times and it came on a golden platter every time and GOD works the same way on everyone, but you have to serve all your sins first before GOD can bless anyone. I don't hang out with sinners or my boys 4 to 9 years old, my kids 5 to 8 years old, and my 15 girls age 32 to 67 years old. I'm so glad age don't matter! Tuesday 1:21pm It will get worse since you keep on lying. Now you can't come near me because of the coronavirus. And the people that don't stay home when they are sick, GOD will be punishing them very badly. In Jesus Christ name, Amen! Hallelujah! Even if they didn't know they were sick GOD still punishes very badly! GOD knows you know me. I've known you for 18 years and then some. Wednesday 11:43am I didn't think that you would be a hater, but you will be punished by GOD very badly, very soon. The corona virus will be getting much worse and GOD didn't make us sick, which means GOD cannot bless them because it's not GOD'S fault. It's the humans fault for making other people sick and not listening to the over rated REPUBLICAN GOVERNMENT. barack o fuck up didn't create one fucking job in the United States like Trump has. Trump has created 3 million jobs and then some. barack o fuck up made gay rights legal knowing that the bible says boy for girl, girl for boy before hanging out boy, boy, girl, girl. man for woman woman for man before hanging out man man woman woman. You were gay 9 years along with Jared Sullinger and that's why I stayed away from both of you satan dumbass's. But since you have a woman friend or a wife you are allowed to hang out with STRAIGHT people like me and my boys, girls and my kids. The longer we wait to play video games the longer GOD will not be blessing you and already you have to wait until you are 79 years old. Also tattoos are satan dirty sins which means another 9 years for them. And that's not counting your sins from breaking laws, driver's manual laws, smoking, drinking, lying, and more than that. Everyone has to be perfect after they sin 1 time. Bad things will be getting worse for people that lie to me, ditch me, hate on me and a whole lot more than that. Which means one day longer not becoming blessed by GOD because everyone has to serve all of their sins. I did go to one of your basketball games when you had a neck injury and GOD knows because that was the same day I received my 1,000,000 million dollars for not sinning in 29 years. I've only sinned 23 times in my entire life from age 1 to age 4. None of my boys, girls or kids sin thanks to me. Thursday 11:57am The worse is yet to come! 11:05 AM The worse is yet to come!

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didon · 5 years

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My two cents on this whole Taylor Swift drama

I normally only reserve my rants for tv shows, but I’ve seen enough crap in the last day that I kinda want to add a little to it.

First of all, I’m not a swiftie or whatever her die hard fans call themselves. Do I like some of her music sure, but there are other songs that make me cringe the same way there are things that happened with her that made me dislike her and others where I’m now looking back at and thinking that it was just me wanting to fit in and that it was ‘’cool’’ to hate on her. Cause I think that there really is a movement where you have to hate on successful women because they are not perfect until the point where they are no longer human beings but actual mythological creatures that we must revere or die otherwise (Beyonce and the Bee Hive come to mind). Has Taylor always been right? Nope. It’s that simple, she has done some not so great things and instead of trying to understand them, I just went with the motion of hating her because I thought it made me special (it did not).

Secondly, to the people saying that he didn’t bully her, that it was his client, remind me his job again? Dudebro is a manager. His job is literally to MANAGE people, to make sure that the celebrities he has under his care not only receive the best but are also perceived as great. Seems like him allowing Bieber to post a dig at a woman for no reason and then not issue an apology right after was a bad managing decision because the only thing it did is make him and his clients seem like pissy little boys that can’t take people not agreeing with him. Him allowing Kanye (because tell me how he could not have vetoed that whole video that I’ll talk about later) to show someone that he knew Kanye had a troubled relationship with naked WITHOUT that person permission is a bad management decision. Especially since it could have led to more than one lawsuits toward his client. I feel like a manager normally tries to avoid his clients getting sued. So either he allowed her to be bullied by his clients and probably had his own hand in it or he’s shitty as his job and should not be allowed to manage anybody. Because it has to be one or the other, there is no third options where he didn’t advise his clients not to do bad things and had no knowledge of it. If anything, he could have at the very least if that was the case wrote his own appology for being in Bieber instagram. No instead he chose to stay silent, giving his approval toward it and to keep people that were attacking a female celebrity for pissy reasons as clients.

Thirdly, concerning the whole Bieber thing. Dude has to stop talking. He is not someone that can truly speak having grown up being influenced by Dudebro. Didn’t he sign Bieber when he was still a minor and everything? And yet he allowed him to make a fool of himself more than once, to be agressive toward more than one person knowing that it could cost sales. Dudebro was both a bad manager and a bad friend toward Bieber. Bieber who seems to act as if a lot of his fanbase isn’t young influencable girls that he is pushing toward not only bad decisions like bullying someone else because the friend of a friend doesn’t like them and also supporting people that are homophobic. Because let’s remember that for a long time (and I think still now but I’m not 100% sure), Bieber was friend with this pastor who was known for being homophobic. You can’t call someone coming at your friend a bully, but then have one of your close friend be someone telling others that something they have no choice in makes them bad, evil in some cases and that the one person that is supposed to love them (I’m talking about God here for the Catholics) hates them. How many queer people are we going to lose to suicide because they are constantly told by some biggots that God hate them, that they are going against everything that is good, that they shouldn’t be allowed near children, etc.? And no saying that just because you attend his congregation and hang out with him doesn’t mean you don’t agree with him. This isn’t the same as someone prefering strawberry milk over chocolate milk, this is someone spewing hate to who not only are you giving a platform by being near them (because yes it does), but are listening to. How many young teens are going to see that guy and go ‘’hey Bieber follow him so maybe he’s right’’? When you chose to be a celebrity, yes it means that you lose part of your privacy, but it also means that you should be obligated to lend your voice to those who aren’t listened to. Taylor Swift did that with her letter against homophobia, with her video and her support of queer artists. Bieber does that by giving a biggot relevance and then getting mad when his ‘’friends’’ are called out on their bad behaviours.

Fourtly, the whole Kardashian/Kanye thing. I can’t believe it’s 2019 and it has to be addressed but it is NEVER okay to showcase somebody else’s naked body even if it’s for ‘’Art’’ without their permission. His video was not only revenge porn, it’s an attack on her. Revenge porn is mostly defined as sharing private pictures of someone. This isn’t the case. She didn’t send his a naked wax art of her body. As far as I’m concerned, this is straight up violating her privacy and her body. And not only hers but the one of everybody else included in that video. Sure he probably has the signed statement from his wife saying it was okay, but does he has the one from every single other person? Also stating where their wax double would be placed? Because I’m pretty sure that Rihanna wouldn’t have said yes to her body being exploited by a man and placed next to someone who’s biggest relevance is the fact that he ABUSED her. It’d be the same as a celebrity asking fans to stop drawing porn of them and then getting backlash from their fans because they believe that they own that celebrity body. Your body is your own and no egomaniac should be allowed to have a naked wax statue made of it and put it in his video. Speaking of videos, Kim’s one is void. Not only is it clear that the video has been edited, but it was ILLEGAL!! A court would not take it as proof of anything just based on this alone. This is the same as a cop breaking and entering to get proof to arrest someone because a warrant takes too long and he’s sleeping with the other suspect. I don’t care if she actually agreed to one line and not the other or whatever. The whole video is void and should never be mentionned because it’s something illegal that again violated someone’s privacy which a celebrity should really know about. Especially Kim. The whole claim that Kanye made Taylor famous is ridiculous too. Bitch didn’t make her famous, he made an ass of himself. She became famous with her own hard work and good strategy (something her manager might have a hand into). What he did at that award show was just stealing a moment from a woman because he was prissy he didn’t get his way. There’s a reason why Beyonce gave the stage to Taylor and that everybody got mad at him. He took a young woman achievement and try to ruin it because it wasn’t what he wanted. That shows clear immaturity and if anything it made him more famous that it made her. She wasn’t known as Kanye’s victim, she was known as a singer while he was known as the guy that made an ass of himself and ruined a 20 years old big moment. I don’t care who deserved the award more or if he was right, nobody else does it and for a good reason. I may not have always have agreed with award winners, but you haven’t seen anybody stopping Matthew McConaughey speach saying sorry to interrupt but Chiwetel Ejiofor had one of the best performance ever. It’s almost like his manager should have stopped him from making a fool of himself.

Fiftly, just a little mention for Demi Lovato that came to Dudebro defence. Girl is coming out of a very emotional situation, is probably not 100% okay yet so don’t send her hate. Plus, she has known him about two months and he makes money off her so he has probably not been a dick to her. Her entire defence may even have his hand in it since people around her may be employed by his company. I almost killed myself over a year ago and I know that I’m still very emotional and that people can still have a big influence on me depending on how I’m feeling. I can’t imagine being around people that may not have your best interest 24h/7. On her claim that he is not homophobic because he signed her though, I will say that she can’t refute somebody’s experience with the man simply based on her own especially since she’s a famous artist that probably brings him a lot of money. Plus, while she’s a queer woman that consider herself fluid (and good for her tbh), it doesn’t mean that she has the same experience as a gay person. She has (mostly) dated men in the recent years and biphobic people will use it as an excuse to say that while she is ‘’fluid’’ she’s mostly straight (which is bull, but that might be how they see her in her mind). She can’t come at a gay man and say that because she’s also queer, the man cannot be a bigot toward anybody in the queer community. Heck, queer people in the queer community are bigots toward other members. How often do we hear transphobia or biphobia coming from queer people? The answer is too often. Especially black queer people who are often erased from their own history (*cough* stonewall and camp *cough*)! My own father was super friendly toward a trans tennant he had, calling her by her name and the right pronouns like it was nothing, only using her deadname on the official papers since it wasn’t officially changed, but to me he told me that if I came out as trans he would kick me out because I am his daughter not his son. If you asked that woman than yeah my dad is a great ally, but she wouldn’t know how he interacts with other queer people including his own daughter.

Finally, on the whole master thing. Shut up. She wrote the songs so I don’t care who owns the right right now or if they gave her a chance to ‘’buy’’ them back. This is her own work. When Devianart started selling artists art without their consent because they ‘’owned’’ it, how many people did I see on this website calling for a boycott? How many people were pissed and swore that it was horrible and that no artist should ever lose the right to their own art? Well, it’s exactly the same for her. Yes even for those songs of hers I hate. She put her time, her effort in them and so they should be hers. The idea that some white dudebro has right over them is ridiculous. The fact that he will own her feelings, a part of her soul should be upsetting especially since one of his artist already violated her body by showing it naked without her consent. I would be furious if I was raped and a friend of my rapist got the right to some of my writing. Heck, I would probably be a lot more agressive than she was in that post. The fact that she managed to stay polite and calm is a miracle if you ask me. Especially since he will be making money of a video that his friend and client didn’t even deem good enough to win an award!! Cause let’s remember that as cringy as it might be to look back at how we were all obsessed with some of her music video (god knows I was even though I would have never admitted it at the time), a man representing someone who put her down for one of them is going to make money off them.

This is in no way acceptable and I encourage people to raise their voices against this and to keep those boys (because they are not men let’s be honest) accountable for their actions. Cause when Kesha needed help getting away from her rapist, Taylor Swift gave it to her and no matter how famous you are, you deserve to have people stand up for you. I’m not saying send hate, but keep holding men accountable for their shitty behaviours and for the creepy thing they say about women. We are not their objects, they do not own us in any way and we need to unite to stop them disrespecting us!! No matter your feeling on Taylor Swift and her music or her previous actions, this is something hateful that’s happening to her and women need to stand up and support each other! We own it to each other!!

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munchflix · 6 years

Text

WATCHMEN - THE SUPER EXTENDED CUT

IMDB BLURB: In 1985 where former superheroes exist, the murder of a colleague sends active vigilante Rorschach into his own sprawling investigation, uncovering something that could completely change the course of history as we know it.

WARNINGS: Giant blue peen, large bepis. It's blue. Malin Ackerman can't act for shit. Attempted rape. Lots of murder. Some gore. Adult themes? Zack Snyder. Repulsive sex scene. It's not gross, it's just weird and uncomfortable. And unnecessarily long.

RATING: Who watches the Watchmen? Us...unfortunately.

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this. And please please don’t watch this fucking movie.

MUNCH: I want you to know, first thing, that I will never forgive you for making me watch this for a THIRD TIME. I first saw this in the theatre on my birthday and it was awful then. I spent three hours waiting for it to get better and it didn't and now you're making us watch the super extended version with 30 more minutes of shit I DON'T WANT TO SEE. I am old and I was a fan of the comic long before this detritus was filmed. I was actually excited for this shit. This movie, like a lot of the movies we review once a year, is bad. It's pretty, it's well filmed, it has a brilliant cast, and it sucks like a Dyson trying to fellate a rubber chicken.

BISCUITS: Okay...I'm gonna be upfront about this. We're gonna have to be here for each other during this review. We need to BELIEVE in ourselves, and to share our mental fortitude. That might be the only way we'll be strong enough to make it through. Even then, there's no guarantee we'll make it...but if we do, we'll emerge from the other side as changed women, now knowing the true power that the bond of friendship can hold. Or not. Actually, we'll probably just end up sad. But the point is, we need to be here for each other.

M: The Nixon makeup is so bad. All this budget and he looks like a half melted wax statue.

These are the Nixons, folks.

B: Jeffrey Dean Morgan in old age makeup? I'd still smash that. The DOOMSDAY CLOCK! That's a reference to the comic! Get it?! We're JUST like the comic!

M: That's part of what bugs me, there's so many moments just taken straight out of the comic and then the rest of it is just Zack Snyder mentally masturbating about how cool he is.

B: Let me tell you younguns - long before the days of Suicide Squad and Batman V. Superman, Zack Snyder created the first of many tragic mistakes in the saga of "DC and Warner Bros. Attempt to Movie". It was dark, overdramatic, and had little substance behind its superficially good visuals. But Warner Bros. were all like "OMG Zach, look at all this money. Can you fuck ALL our beloved properties like this???"

M: Nostaaaaaalgia.

B: Okay, Unforgettable - this song was in the comic, it was in the book. It was playing in a scene in the comic but it was when Dan and Laurie tried to have sex for the first time. I don't understand the rationale behind using a song from the comic but putting it in a completely different scene. Why did you make that change? I don't understand why you would do that.

M: Watchmen in a nutshell. JESUS CHRIST I forgot that the explosions come in about 30 times louder than everything else.

B: Why is the Comedian wearing a smiley face pin on his bathrobe? Because of the symbolism??? Nostalgia. This is from the coooooooooomic. This is the first instance of inappropriate soundtracking, which is alright the first time but gets annoying when you do it over and over.

M: I have no idea. Oh yeah..the movie. The Comedian is fighting a mysterious figure that we'll figure out who it is later. Unless you've read the comic. It's Veidt. Slow zoom on the pin with the blood spatter because it's SYMBOLISM. Also the Comedian got thrown out a window. There's also been half an hour of slow mo and we're only 5 minutes into the movie.

B: *burps loudly* Bob Dylan, because there was a reference to a Bob Dylan song in the comic. Slow shots of our great heroes, The Minutemen. Zacc Snyder, fuck you. These were the original super hero dudes who spawned the existence of all the other masked vigilantes in this universe.

M: Gerard Butler??? Who the fuck is Gerard Butler?? Hang on, I have to look this up. Oh...he's in the Tales of the Black Freighter, which is only in this super-long ultra-extended edition.

This gif makes it look like Gerard Butler is playing Sally Jupiter. This is not the case (unfortunately?).

B: Which we're watching because we hate ourselves. Historical landmarks to set up the time period. Also Silhouette was a lesbian. Dollar Bill got killed when his cape got stuck in a revolving door. NO CAPES! Mothman went nuts and got put in an asylum. The minutemen turned out fine. Also Silhouette is dead. And Gay.

M: Bury your gays. She was only alive for two minutes of credits.

B: To be fair, she didn’t really have a role in the book either. Also, Kennedy is killed. By the Comedian. Which I suppose was implied in the comic...very vaguely. This is way too much exposition. We can read about history, we don't need a recap of every single event since 1940. We aren't that dumb, Zakk. There's more politics in this intro than exposition but Watchmen was supposed to be political. I have big problems with Matthew Goode....goode? How is that pronounced? Look at all that BEEF tho. Arby’s, I got ya new commercial right here.

I’ll take the one on the far left with cheese, please.

M: Slow the fuck down, jesus. I can't type as fast as you thirst. I'm gonna make you type this if you don't slow down.

B: Glad I'm not wearing a retainer. You think Jeffrey Dean Morgan would pay for it? Also Night Owl's costume looks so shitty.

M: Seriously, slow down. I have issues with how contoured Manhattan is.

B: And then everything went bad for the vigilantes and they got banned. This is SO LOUD. Tell Zaque Snyder I get spooked easily. I don’t like loud noises, I’m like a wild animal.

M: Oh yeah so the Comedian is dead. Two detectives wonder how he died. So mysterious. It was Veidt. Don't blame me if you didn't read the comic, it's been out for 30 fucking years.

B: My other issue with this movie, it doesn't ADD anything to it's source material. If I wanted just Watchmen I'd just read the comic. I could read most or all of it in the time it takes to watch this movie. So...Rorschach is ranting.

M: That's all he really does in this movie tho is rant.

B: All the towns in the world and I had to end up in this one. The ballsack town. Comedian kept a picture of Sally by his bed but that's backwards...she kept a picture of HIM on her bedside.

M: Rorschach found Comedian's secret closet where he went to be gay. Or a superhero. Or both. So he knows he's the Comedian.

B: Well, one or two of them were gay...a bunch of guys who wear their underwear outside their pants and this is somehow surprising? More slow mo.

M: This movie could be an hour and half shorter without all the pointless slo mo. Hollis is being played by Stephen McHattie and I love him so much.

B: Patrick Wilson (you can tell it’s Patrick Wilson because he looks exactly like Patrick Wilson) is playing Night Owl and he is a very good boy. The best boy. Although he doesn't have much competition for goodest boy, most of the boys are pretty bad. Hollis Mason is played up to be more Drunk Grandpa than caring mentor figure. Raw footage of Rorschach looking like FUCKING BIGFOOT. Your local cryptid.

*X-Files theme plays*

M: That was 20 seconds of super important extra footage that we missed from the original 3 hour long movie. Okay so movie, right. Drieberg goes home to find his home has been broken into. It's Rorschach. Eating beans. HUMAN BEANS. With HUMAN BEAN JUICE. We saw you lumbering around like Bigfoot on the news. Rorschach's mask is cool tho. One point for you, Zackk Snyder.

B: Rorschach, because he's a tinfoil hat conspiracy theorist is like " I think someone's killing masks" even tho only one mask person has died so far. Patrick Wilson is a good actor but his performance in this movie is so blech. I dunno if that was the direction he was given or...

M: Part two of things wrong with Watchmen. Lots of good actors giving boring performances. I love many of these actors but they're so dull.

B: Except Malin Ackerman. It was an experimental time, Chad! All of our Bro Moments. Our BROMENTS.

M: WHY CAN'T I QUIT YOU, CHAD?!

B: Maybe Drieberg quit on account of the Keene act because it started being illegal to do the thing, but Rorschach didn't because he’s crazy. And he's doing more edgelord monologuing.

M: Holy crap the animation.

B: And now with NO CONTEXT we get launched into the Tales of the Black Freighter. It's an anime, apparently. (makes angry angry noises ) this makes me SO mad because the Black Freighter, though a story within a story, had an explanation for its presence. It's being read by someone within the bigger story. In the movie it almost looks like it was animated by Ralph Bakshi. Like the people who did Jojo's Bizarre Adventure and Ralph Bakshi had a bad trip together.

This is what I see, every night in my dreams.

M: I guess this is being narrated by Gerard Butler?? This is so out of place. It takes you completely out of the immersion of the movie to show you this movie. That was super jarring though.

B: The comic had a lot more leeway when it came to blending the stories together. Oh and now we get a shot of someone reading the comic to bring us back. Rorschach in the comic was described as being fascinatingly ugly. I think Jackie Earl Haley is too good looking.

M: And Veidt. I hate everything they did with this entire fucking character. I hate the way he looks, the way he talks, the way he acts, the way he Veidts. I fucking hate him so much. I hate what they did with his story and the whole Manhattan cancer thing. It's DUMB.

B: Why is Dan here? It was Rorschach who warned Adrian. And they're talking about nuclear war, very important to the crux of everything. This lighting is ugly. It makes Veidt look like a greasy boy.

M: He IS a greasy boy.

B: Meeting with Dreiberg left bad taste in mouth. Like cold beans.

M: Rorschach is expositioning everything we've already seen, dialogue straight out of the comic.

B: Rorschach breaks in to see Manhattan. Rorschach asks the real questions: Does Adrian Veidt is gay??

M: That is a HUGE ASS. Btw Manhattan is naked. He is super naked. You will never be allowed to forget that he is naked.

B: Malin Ackerman shows up...to “act”.... The mention temporal interference already, so you won't be surprised at the end of the movie. They really overemphasize Manhattan's eye things. He looks like a sad panda. I have issues with his CGI, he is really over contoured and he looks really...weird....Laurie...stop talking. PLease. Don't act, don't try to act.

Pictured: Sad Panda

M: Now he's taking Laurie on some fucking weird time trip that was supposed to happen three hours from now in the story. Manhattan is just sad in this movie. All his rage and his indifference are gone. He's just sad. He tells her the future and he's sad about it. And now, 99 Luftballoons so we don't forget it's the 80's.

B: This wasn't how this happened in the comic EITHER. Zacque Snyder and his love of throwing random songs into movies with no regard for how they might impact the mood.

M: So Lori is having dinner with Dreiberg just like Jon told her too. I'm giving up on spelling any names right as of right now.

B: They reminisce about their young days when they fought crime and dressed up like lunatics and all that stuff. Ah those days are behind us. We're in our 40's but in the movie we're like 25. Jon thinks there's gonna be nuclear war and also he can't fix my bad acting. They turned Laurie into such a sexy lamp in this movie. They strip everything away from her that made her interesting. I am laurie, I am GIRL. Who needs oxygen when you have another man's money.

You so. Fuckin. Precious. When you. Smile.

M: The Sound of Silence begins playing. We both laugh and denounce Zaeck Snyder and the horse he rode in on.

B: Should have been Take me to Church. I didn't realize how awful the soundtracking was in this movie the first time. They just throw in recognizable songs.

M: Comedian is getting buried. Rorschach is here and Manhattan and Dreiberg. And Simon and Garfunkle. It's not making this scene better. It's making it so much worse. Lori has been randomly teleported to her mothers with zero context. Her mother is Carla Gugino who deserves better than being in this fucking movie. They quote dialogue right from the comic. Did Zaquery Snyder write ANY dialogue for this movie? Her old age makeup is fucking awful and she is overacting this so hard.

B: And then we have the flashback to old days where the Comedian tries to rape her. The entire purpose of this flashback in one sentence. That's the plot point. From the comic. That we need to get into the movie somehow. I suppose they're going for show don't tell. At the moment i'm just focused on how it extends this torturous experience.

M: I have a lot of issues with this part. He beats her far more severely in the movie. They start the scene almost making it look like she did ask for it with all the slow undressing. It's so fucking unnecessary.

B: And then Hooded Justice comes in and this doesn't make sense in the movie when Comedian asks him if he gets off on this. But since they don't get into this in the movie...I think they're just trying to get us to go OH THE COMEDIAN IS A BAD GUY, HE'S SUCH A BAD GUY. We can get that. Why does everything in this movie take so long?

M: Everyone is having flashbacks to their time with Eddie. Manhattan is blowing up the entirety of the viet cong while the Comedian shoots people and Ride of the Valkyries is playing for no reason.

In awe at the size of this lad.

B: NEXT TIME YOU INVITE JON.

M: And then we get the Comedian is a horrible person but AGAIN because he's gonna shoot this woman he knocked up and Jon doesn't stop him. Jon is so fucking ripped that even fuzzed out in the background you can see every muscle.

B: They tell the story of how Eddie got his scar even though he doesn't...have it in the movie? Yeah I killed that woman I knocked up but you didn't stop me because you don't care and well...you're not wrong.

M: And now Veidt gets to have HIS flashback so we can be sure that the Comedian really was an asshole. The Comedian informs everyone that their plan is garb while Jon and Laurel Ann make goo goo eyes at each other which will become relevant an hour ago because they're obviously a couple NOW. He sets Ozymandias’ (Veidt's) map on fire to emphasize his point.

B: Ozymandias will remember that. Watchmen would make a great Telltale game. And Dan has his American Dream flashback where the Comedian is helping with crowd control and we don't care what's going on because the Comedian looks DAMN HOT. In slow mo.

M: Biscuit's thirst meter has increased tenfold.

B: What happened to the American Dream? You're looking at it. Just as beefy and greasy as I imagined it. He had a really nice arm vein going on in that scene. I have a gif of that for uh...research purposes. Very swole.

Pictured: The American Dream

M: I just realized that I don't really thirst after anyone in this movie. The comedian is hot because Jeffrey Dean Morgan but my thirst level is so low comparatively. The only main chick is Malin Ackerman and uh...no.

B: You're getting gayer the older you get.

M: I can't even deny that.

B: Moloch! He's a former supervillian of sorts and Rorschach is chasing him down because uh...I don't know. He just shows up and is like Hey fuck you buddy.

M: I still want an explanation for why Moloch alone has pointed ears. Nobody else in the entire movie has that kind of deformity.

B: And he's like The Comedian just showed up in my house! He was drunk and crying! We've all been there. We've all broken into our former nemesis's house drunk and crying. Maybe that's just me...

M: Except that's what really happened....

B: And the Comedian is like - I did some fucked up shit but this is worse! The shit this unnamed bad guy is doing worse! And he says that Moloch and Manhattan’s old girlfriend are on some mysterious list!

M: It's Veidt. Rorschach tries to nail Moloch for taking a medication made from apricot pits. Which are POISONOUS BTW, DO NOT EAT THEM. Rorschach spends fucking ten more minutes slow mo fucking monologuing about shit we already know and JUST SAW. There's so much extra shit in this movie that does not need to be here. He sounds like fucking Wolverine. Is that Hollis?

B: I can't even tell because this movie is SO DARK. We get a feeble attempt to connect newspaper man and the animated comic.

M: At least it's less jarring. Comic man drools excessively for no reason. They're even leaving bits of THIS story out and making it even weirder and more disparate than it needs to be. Fucking why.

The nightmares, they never stop.

M: Okay Jesus they went from that straight to Loorie and Jon trying to have sexxors and this is so wrong and out of place. And then Jon is six people.

B: god. jon. stop. what are u doing? I took a theatre class in high school and all those kids were better actors than Malin Ackerman. Which is bad because Laurie is an integral character in Watchmen. This happened way earlier and this is why she ran away to Dan in the comic, but it's fine. It's fine. Whatever. I don't care. She gets mad but not really because acting.

M: Jon underacts but that's his entire thing. This is so disjointed. Jon is teleporting reactors to Karnak while they argue. This will be relevant later.

B: Three bepis, no FOUR! Too much bepis for my needs. Or not enough...

M: Jesus Christ.

B: And NOW laurie shows up at dan's place. We needed to drag this out because we were REALLY stretching to get this movie to feature length, y’know?? We were really scraping at the bottom of the Watchmen barrel for content. There's just not enough material to get a good long juicy film out of it.

M: Can we just skip this whole part? I'll summarize. Laurie and Dan spend half an hour whining at each other because Laurie and Jon had a fight and they kinda wanna bang but that will take three hours to get to as well for no good goddamn reason. Meanwhile Jon is putting on a suit to do a tv interview.

B: There's a lot of scenes of Dan and Laurie but there's no chemistry at all between them and there's no buildup to their actual relationship. Even Dan is so nothing in this movie and I liked him. And there's an article from the comic because this is JUST LIKE THE COMIC.

M: Why are they...oh they're going to Hollis...but this isn't how it happened. They literally make this longer for no reason.

B: I know it would be really hard to cut anything from Watchmen, because pretty much everything is significant - there's no material that can really be removed that wouldn’t be missed in the final product. BUUUT they just added a whole ton of meaningless shit to this damn movie! At the expense of scenes we actually wanted! Dr Manhattan has his tv interview. This is not gonna go well. Everyone is like wtf are you talking about Jon. Dan and Lori beat up a bunch of thugs because uh...they're living for thrills?

M: Some reporter dude stands up and starts shit with Manhattan. He accuses him of giving everyone cancer. I'm sorry I caused all that cancer. You'd think Jon would KNOW whether or not he caused cancer...he was a fucking physicist.

B: Jon doesn't know whether or not he's radioactive. Spoiler alert: he ain't. He's just had his intrinsic fields removed - really simple procedure, like taking out the appendix.

M: *cronches pizza rolls*

B: A lot less screen time for Janey Slater in the movie, too. She's like "PRETTY PATTIES TURNED MY FACE PURPLE!!!" and then Doc Manhattan teleports everyone out of the studio because he's very emotional rn. That makes...one person in this movie with intense emotions.

M: You're right there...nobody in this movie really shows much in the way of emotion. Everyone's just sorta like "well, the world's going to shit - huh." I REALLY don't like the way they incorporated Tales of the Black Freighter into this movie.

B: Idec what's happening in this stupid anime. Man wants to get home before the freighter. Builds raft out of bloated corpses. Freaky eyes. It's supposed to parallel various elements of the 'real world' storylines but it's so jarring that drawing those connections becomes nigh on impossible. In the comic, panels from TotBF were often right alongside panels from the main story, but you couldn't really do something like that in a movie. They also still don't really do anything with the newspaper corner bits.

M: Did they actually show Dr. Manhattan leaving Earth?

B: No. Not yet.

M: So they just throw us into this scenario?

B: Yep. Dr. Manhattan got ANGERY and was like "y'know what? I'm going to Mars to deliver some exposition!! Way later than this happened in the comic, but who gives a flying fuck??" And we sorta get the explanation of the way Jon perceives time - but again, much less effective than it was in the comic. Everything in this movie is so DARK. 'Dark and gritty' doesn't usually refer to the visuals of a story.

M: Jon got stuck in an experimental machine where they were doing SCIENCE. He got disintegrated.

B: Just look at the SYMBOLISM...I mean, uh, the time. Jon's narration sounds like ASMR. He eventually manages to reassemble himself, but now he's blue....and nAkEd.

M: This giant naked blue dude shows up and Janey is just like "Jon?? Is that you??"

B: Jon is super-powerful, so the govt lords him as a weapon and uses him to help end the Vietnam war, and a lot of references to nuclear power.

M: I know his symbol is supposed to be a hydrogen atom, but it kinda looks like the power button on an Xbox.

Particle man, particle man...

B: This movie feels significantly gorier than the comic...which is not necessary. Janey is worried about how powerful Jon is - or she just wants him to put some fuckin' pants on.

M: Speaking of things that take you out of the movie - Jon's ENTIRE backstory in one flashback. Worked in the comic, not in the movie.

B: Jon macks on a 16 year old girl and is like - why is this a problem? My girlfriend is getting old, I gotta get a new one. Also I'm tired of earth. Going to mars.

M: We literally zoom out from Jon's ass crack.

B: There is no reason to put a physical or cgi camera that close to anyone's ass crack.

M: Jon has fucked off and now they're interrogating Laurie about where he went. She randomly assaults one of them because she can? Why are we having this slo mo smoking moment? And now another flashback to the Comedian... oh right, we have to have Laurie's version of why this guy was a douchebag.

B: Eddie's like, you think I'd fuck my daughter? And Sally is like - yah you might.

M: The gubmint is freaking out because their giant blue naked nuclear weapon has gone to Mars. I hate the Nixon makeup so much. He looks so fake. They wasted their budget on Manhattan's cock. I can't believe we still have 2 hours of this shit left.

B: (separate tangent about her cat) I'd rather focus on my cat than this movie. Why is this scene happening? Why is it significant? Is it supposed to increase the tension with the whole nuclear war thing??

M: I don't know. Why is it going on for so long? They figured out he's on mars because there's a blue spot? Uh...Laurie is beating up a guy and chaining him to a radiator? What....What did that have to do with ANYTHING? The gubmint is now attacking Veidt for trying to create free energy...?

B: This scene is just for Ozymandias to explain his backstory...I guess??

M: I honestly have no idea what's going on.

B: It's supposed to parallel the scene in the comic where he talks about Alexander the Great and stuff...

M: This happened at the END of the comic tho.

B: But here it's just...confusing. The choices they made just generally leave you feeling confused. Not like the comic did. It's ‘Vight’. I'm right.

Adrian Veidt is gay is the most discussed in the media in the few years ago.

M: Oh and now the scene where a hitman shows up disguised as a pizza guy so we can slow mo more totally excessive gore.

B: There was plenty of violence in the comic but...you can be dark and edgy without being this damn gory. Dan and Laurie have yet another meaningless conversation at a table and now Dan is suddenly on board with Rorshach's paranoia??

M: And Dan invites her to come over but in the comic she literally ran to him immediately after Jon left. Jesus now Rorshach is fucking monologuing again. They're fucking with the order of events again and it's pissing me off.

B: They don't seem to do it with any rhyme or reason. You have to make changes to adapt to a medium but there's zero apparent reason for the changes in chronology...

M: Rorschach breaks into Moloch's house so he can get caught again. Why the fuck would Moloch know about any of this??

B: But Moloch is dead. It was a SET UP.

M: I'm losing all plot cohesiveness because of all this nonsense. I can't remember what actually happened. Ten minutes of Rorshach slow mo fighting his way out but he's gonna get caught because Veidt organized all this but they don't tell you that in the movie because of reasons.

B: We're not explaining a lot of the plot because it's happening so slowly. They caught Rorschach. They takin' im to prison.

M: Rorschach don't care. He got shit to do. And now maybe back to the animation...? Yes.

B: They do like 1/16th of this shit with the newstand corner. They should have just not at all done it. They just seem like framing to put the Black Freighter in there.

M: Except they don't do it every time, and that makes it worse. And they made weird ass changes to this story too. It's supposed to parallel what's happening in the main story but it's making NO SENSE.

B: This also adds nothing to the story and it breaks the immersion.

M: It mostly seems like an excuse to be gross. And now for Rorschach's mental health evaluation.

B: He's psycho bonkers crazy. Part of the concept of Watchmen is that everyone has issues. The complex psychology.

Look inside your local garbage and you may find a friend and boy.

M: Aw who cares about that. Let's shoot off some more fingers! We get his entire backstory in very very short flashbacks. He's still nuts.

B: This was over the course of quite a while in the comic.

M: Yeah but suddenly we're pressed for time in the seven hour long movie so we gotta condense his entire story into a ten minute scene. Which makes this feel rushed, which is fucking weird considering how drawn out every fucking thing in this movie is.

B: The comic felt like a bunch of stories being told at once but all tying in together at a certain point. Convergent stories The movie feels like a bunch of different stories that happen and then they're over. They're not tying anything together. (Biscuits starts singing Linkin Park because this part is so fucking dark)

M: So he's telling this story about how he killed a guy for kidnapping a girl and Biscuits is looking up the name of that song because she can't remember what it's called and still singing.

B: It's called Shadow of the Day...it’s like the one Linkin Park song I know

M: Okay. And Rorschach is gonna....kill this guy with a hatchet???

B: That is NOT how that happened. He tied him up and set that house on fire. But now he's gonna hit that guy in the head 20 times. And now he's Rorschach. There is no Laura, only Zuul.

M: ...Dana!!

B: Oh...Dana....is that from...

M: Ghostbusters!

B: I didn't wanna say it and have you be like - No it's from the Exorcist!

M: That would have been pretty funny in the exorcist. There is no Pazuzu, only Zuul.

B: Rorschach delivers the iconic line - I'm not locked in here with you, you're locked in here with me. The angrier he gets the more gravelly his voice gets. Meanwhile back at the ranch...Lori looks at Dan's shit.

M: You gotta be more specific. In this movie it might be actual shit. She's looking at this ship.

B: He's got some cool etchings, and a stamp collection. She sets things on fire. In the comic she thought it was the cigarette lighter. That's not how you put out a fire.

Laurie is an expert firefighter.

M: She doesn't have any brains.

B: She's an animatronic being controlled offscreen. Everything is so bland in this movie. We really aren't given any reasons to connect with Dan and Laurie.

M: This scene isn't helping either. It's boring and we don't care what's happening because we don't fucking care about Dan and Looooooorie. I can't think of a couple with less chemistry than these two.

B: Do you know what this means??

M: Yes.

B: We're getting close to the sex scene. It's like a case study in how not to do a sex scene in a movie. It's like the most awkward horrible thing that can be done. These scenes were in the comic, but not like this.

M: They're not gonna bang right now anyway because Dan can't get it up because uh...Adrian isn't doing gymnastics in the background and Unforgettable isn't playing.

B: Patrick Wilson's titty.

M: Did we really need to...

B: It's okay. Patrick Wilson is reasonably attractive. I would give those titties a six. Maybe a seven. Compared to having to see Malin Ackerman's tits, I would give them an 11. They're better than Manhattan's tits, which are cgen and disgustingly hyperdetailed.

M: BACK TO RORSCHACH. Who is being threatened by a little person named Big Figure because that's fucking funny. I guess. But it's also canon. And now Dan's dreaming but there's no actual meaning here because they do it wrong.

B: It really would have been better to put that in there after Dan and Laurie stop trying to bang instead of going to Rorschach?

M: And then IMMEDIATELY back to the animated parts with NO warning.

B: That was the worst editing I've ever seen. Sharks are eating the corpse boat.

M: I'm so confused. How did that shark get back up into the boat thing....

B: Who the fuck cares anymore.

M: Back to reality?? Snoop Dogg threatens the comic reading man because uh...

B: Snap back to reality...OH there goes gravity...something about spaghetti. And now back to Dan who is staring naked at his suit. There's too many behinds in this movie.

M: Are you gonna rate it?

B: I like plenty of naked behinds in other contexts.

M: I'm not even gonna ask.

B: Dreiberg is pretty ripped for being supposedly flabby and old. Laurrrrrie decides they should go fight crime.

Unfortunately, Malin Akerman.

M: Night Owl's costume is so bad. Like Ozymandias’ costume and...most of the costumes.

B: Laurie's costume is mostly see through because she can't fight crime if she's not sexy. We don't get any explanation of Dan's bird love in the movie. He's a good bird boy. That's a tongue twister.

M: They're saving people from a fire. I kinda want to go take a nap.

B: Why is he shooting into the burning building???

M: I don't know! Oh it's a water tower.

B: I thought he was just shooting up a burning building.

M: I'm sorry but she would be DEAD from that backdraft. There is no way. So now they gotta drop people off so they can bang in the owlship. Which I don't wanna see. SKIP.

B: This isn't how this happened in the comic at all.

M: Back to Rorschach again. They don't do the whole language pun thing which was so fucking cool in the comic. Big Figure. Small world. Why is all Rorschach's shit cut out??? Don't tell me they didn't have time. They see one dead guy and they know Rorschach is alive?

B: Professional dead guy appraiser.

M: Oh yeah there's a whole prison riot going on but we don't know why in the movie because they don't explain it.

B: Now Dan and Lari are gonna beat up some guys but it's so fucking dark it's like I'm watching Fan4stic. More slow mo.

M: They had to cut Rorschach's story to make time for all the slow mo.

B: I hate Night Owl's outfit. Leri's doesn't look anything like the comic either. I punched that guy! I'm a strong independent woman!

M: Rorschach goes to kill Big Figure in the bathroom which also fucks up what happened in the comic. Luri calls Rorschach an idiot and they start bitch fighting but Dan is like come on we gotta go. We have an hour left. We have to start building each other up.

B: (sings Livin' on a prayer )

M: NOT HOW THIS HAPPENED EITHER. Jon shows up after they get back and kidnaps Liri to mars where there's no air because he's a dick like that.

B: Diet bepis.

M: Laurie somehow knows she's on Mars because there's a giant glass sculpture there. Like on Mars. You know. Back to Snoop and his gang who randomly decide to take out Night Owl but pick the wrong one and beat up Hollis. Poor Hollis.

Yep, definitely Mars.

B: Obviously the editors don't care about the timeline either. Liri's mother is on the phone with Hollis talking about what happened the night before but I thought this was the same night? Who genuinely cares?

M: This movie is rated almost 5 stars on Amazon. You go Hollis, punch at least one of em!

B: The gang beats up Hollis and kills him because it's JUST LIKE THE COMIC. Hollis has flashbacks while he's getting killed. And killed by his own award. But we don't get the scene where he GOT the award. It's fine. I'm not mad.

M: Back to fucking Rorschach and Dan and Laurie and I'm tired of typing that sentence. Rorschach suddenly is sure it's the pyramid people doing all the bad but he has no fucking evidence? Dan lays the smack down and the bromance can continue.

Just like back in college...

B: We're just two dudes in a rad bromance....They're going to an underworld bar because they're looking for seedy dudes.

M: How would these dudes even know about the pyramid thing?

B: That's just how Rorschach do. Follow the money. Rorschach writes a lot of youtube conspiracy videos.

M: Dan finds out some dude helped kill Hollis.

B: Also back on Mars...ugh..his dick is moving back and forth and I know that’s realistic but ugh...It’s different when it’s just a still panel in a comic and not...this...you're made of molecular nothingness, can't you just suck it up into your body or something?

M: Back on Mars Jon goes on his seven hour long predestination trip while his dick wiggles.

B: Jon I have feelings, pls believe me.

M: You can't fucking...you can't...you can't fucking take all this dialogue and re-arrange it and make it work. It doesn't work, now it just seems empty and nobody cares. Lauree was having a total breakdown because Jon wanted HER to make him save the entire earth and now just stand there looking bored.

B: Dan and Ror have broken into Veidt's office searching for answers. Dan is an expert hacker. Creator's name was Jeff Jeff, born on the eighth of Jeff, 19-Jeffity-Jeff. So I put in 'Jeff'.

M: Do they even mention in the movie that Adrian Veidt is supposed to be like, the 'smartest man in the world'? Actually, we don't really learn anything about Veidt in this movie...What do we really know about him? He's rich? He makes plans? Possibly homosexual?

B: *Hacker voice* I'm in. Boys Folder, iconic. Veidt doesn't really keep his most secret government and corporate secrets very...well-hidden. Next to his boys, yanno.

M: Adrian had a team of like three people in the comic. His suit...

B: It has nip- It has NIPPLES!!!

M: *chokes to death laughing* I've never heard anyone so angry about nipples in my whole life.

A toast, to my suit’s nipples.

B: Did Batman and Robin teach the human race nothing???!!? Nipples on superhero costumes = a bad idea. Veidt has killed all his scientists. AND NOW - My Bubastis rant. Whhyyyyy is Bubastis in this fucking movie??????? She just shows up in this scence with NO EXPLANATION. Just, "oh hey...Ozymandias has a giant mutant lynx." and why would she even EXIST in this continuity - he doesn't need the eugenics program in this version of the story. Was he just like "I want a mutant cat, please make me one."

M: How do we still have 50 minutes of movie left??? Oh, I guess...Tales of the Black Freighter. This is still going on. Crazy guy has reached land and kills some people, believing his hometown has been taken over....who really cares. Was there really anyone clamoring for them to put this into the movie?

B: *basically says nothing for this entire bit*

M: *basically says nothing for this entire bit*

B: NO TRANSITIONS, YEAH!

M: Now we're back to have the least impassioned discussion about saving the world ever. "Jon, no, everyone will die...." That's not how this happened - that's not how ANY of this happened. Y'know what, Jon, ya big naked blue freak...

B: Laurie sounds like a teenager who's mad that her parents won't buy her a car.

M: "Do that thing you do..." This is making me irrationally angry, and I've seen this TWICE.

B: This part makes me SO mad. Irrationally mad. They fuck this up so much. We do not get any context to explain how much Laurie hated the Comedian, and why him being her father is such a big deal.

M: Also, in the comic, it was a big deal that Laurie had this realization of her own volition. It came naturally as she tried to fight back her past memories (which were not at all like this), instead of just being magically brought out by Jon.

B: They completely squander Laurie's biggest moment of emotional development, in turn squandering Jon's turning point in deciding to save the world

M: I liked the whole snowglobe bit in the comic...I thought that was like really powerful, but in this she just...throws a temper tantrum.

B: Ugly cry face. At least...I think she's crying. Might just have smelled some expired doppelganger. Jon's speech about life is also...rushed. And they leave out my favorite line. “Come, dry your eyes, for you are life - rarer than a quark and unpredictable beyond the dreams of Heisenberg.”

Acting, I think...

M: Laurie looks like she doesn't understand a single thing Jon's saying to her right now. "Jon...you're talking science again, and I don't understand it."

B: I've already complained about the inappropriate scoring. It hasn't gotten any better.

M: So Dan and Ror are heading to Antartica at record fucking speed. Rorschach tries to tell Dan how to drive the fucking ship Dan designed and built. All Along the Watchtower is playing at record loudness for no reason. Somehow they made it to Antartica in five minutes.

B: They're heeeeeere.

M: If Veidt knew they were coming why wouldn't he just open the door instead of letting them fry it with lasers? Veidt is sitting there pretending that he doesn't notice them creeping in to kill him. Suddenly we are shown that Veidt is somehow some superhuman fighter and gymnast which wasn't included in the movie at all.

B: Come on and SLAM. Hello there, sailors.

M: And now for some exposition while a vigorous swordfight is going on. Not really. Veidt is still going on and on about how smart he is and how he organized all this shit.

B: As with any mystery, it ends with the villian explaining how he did everything.

M: In the comic he literally says he's not a comic villian and wouldn't do that, but you know.

B: I could have sworn there was an alien in here....like there was something vaguely about an alien?? This is alien invader erasure and I will not tolerate it. That would break the suspension of disbelief, I guess. If Veidt wanted to make an alien and use that to unite the world.

M: Yeah that would be bonkers, especially in a world where giant naked blue men with god powers exist.

B: He is smart enough not to monologue BEFORE he pulled off his evil plan.

M: And now we see earth exploding or whatever because of Veidt and uh...suddenly we're back at the fucking animated comic.

B: The whole idea of him uniting the world against Manhattan just doesn't click for me. The alien was supposed to be neutral, to be anomalous. It also doesn't make sense that he would drive Jon to leave earth.

M: Way to pull us the fuck out of the super important ending. Slow zoom back out to the kid reading the comic who complains that it makes no sense. I feel you kid.

B: They're trying to pull everything together here with the clock and the therapist guy and everything but it was all crushed by the alien invader but now it's just Dr Manhattan's..energy force?? But they'll be able to recognize that it was Manhattans? Didn't they know that Veidt was trying to use his energy too??

M: Yes.

B: Oh it's bad. Oh no.

Bubastis’ one moment in the movie...

M: Jon and Lurie return to earth post uh..time bomb or whatever. Jon realizes the energy signature is here. He is not muddled or confused or anything though like he is in the book, so he just immediately goes to Antartica to kick Veidt's ass but then immediately goes through the intrinsic field subtractor like a fucking moron. Why would this even effect Jon? Why would the smartest man alive not figure out that it wouldn't work?

B: Laurie says things....she shoots Veidt but he catches the bullet because he's uh..just that radical. Stuff is happening.

M: For not being a comic book villian Veidt is super fucking acting like a goddamn comic book villian. Jon shows up all super huge now and he's kinda mad at Veidt. But not that mad. Veidt uses his magical remote control to show melty face Nixon demanding peace.

B: And this works because...why not?

M: Because the fucking movie has to end SOMETIME. In the comic there were hundreds of screens showing everything but you know...America. Veidt is like - this is our victory Jon and Jon SHOULD be like - you used me to blow people up dude. Fuck you.

B: Uh uh, can't do that, you'll screw up the peace! Rorschach is like fuck no, I ain't keeping this a secret.

M: I'd side with Rorschach with this tbh, Veidt is a fucking madman. He's like the fucking Governor from the Walking Dead. Ror goes out to try and tell the world but Jon kills him.

B: But of course he wouldn't do that, he told the world 35 minutes ago!

M: He literally did. Rorschach explodes and Dan gets all sad. That was my favorite Rorschach! Now Patrick Wilson's ugly cry face.

I loved that Rorschach like a Rorschach...

B: Jon decides to leave and Laurie is like but why and he's like - well I can't go back to earth NOW.

M: I don't understand why Dan is trying to kick Veidt's ass now. He already agreed to let the mass murder slide. Veidt seems unconcerned.

B: We don't get the whole nothing ever ends quote either, which was a big deal in the comic.

M: They fucked the ending hard though. Like with a chainsaw.

B: They fucked the whole movie hard. With like 17 giant dicks. This shit is way fucked.

M: So I guess Dan and Lbrbbrie go back home? And visit her mom cos you know.

B: And all the reconciliation Lrry had to do in the comic is reduced to one pathetic encounter with her mother. And it means NOTHING because we only get one little scene where Loree is SAD. The whole movie is this way. It's just a bunch of stuff that HAPPENS.

M: I don't give a shit about any of these characters. There's a lot of Lyrie and Dan kissy facing and talking about stuff that doesn't matter now.

B: Nothing ever ends but that's not..at all the way it was supposed to be done...at all.

M: WHY ISN'T THIS OVER, GOD. Straight outta the fucking comic we get the last bit where the greasy kid pulls Rorschach's fucking notebook out of the crank file to publish it so 30 years later they could write the mess that is Doomsday Clock.

B: Not EVEN gonna get into that. That's a whole other screaming fit. But that’s a comic, not a movie.

M: *AGGRESSIVE HEADBANGING TO DESOLATION ROW*

B: *AGGRESSIVE HEADBANGING TO DESOLATION ROW*

M: I don't have any closing thoughts. I'm tired of typing. I hate this movie. I hate what they do to every fucking Alan Moore venture. He deserves better. Write less deep shit Alan and they might actually do you right one day.

B: I find the existence of this movie to be a highly overrated phenomenon. I do, however, fucking love the My Chemical Romance cover of Desolation Row.

Munch and Biscuits out, yo.

#watchmen #munchflix #alan moore #comic #comics #movie #bad movie #dr. manhattan #the comedian #rorschach

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pdchronicles · 6 years

Text

Over the past 24 hours, I've seen just about every human reaction imaginable to the events that transpired in World of Warcraft. There's a lot of emotion out there right now, and it's manifesting in many different ways. After having time to process things myself, I want to get a few things off my chest that are independent of the most common arguments that have been going back and forth: bad writing, and player character reactions. These things are worth debating, of course, but I'm leaving that to others for now. The following is going to be on a much more personal level. I'm going to explain what WoW, and what gaming in general, means to me, and what it does for me.

To me, playing games and creating stories is a way to escape and to help me imagine what sort of person I would like to be if I was strong enough. I like to think that I'm a good person, but I also understand that I'm no paragon, either. I make mistakes, I sometimes act badly due to flaring emotions, and I'm still learning how to be a human being. Playing fictional characters in video games allows me to put myself in exaggerated and fantastical situations and try to figure out how I would react. To quote Overwatch in a way, they allow me to see the world as it could be.

The world, and especially the United States where I live, feels very divided right now. There are a lot of scary things that are happening. A lot of the time, it feels like things are regressing into a state that was worse than it was just a few years ago. And quite often, it feels like it's only going to get worse. During these times of uncertainty and uneasiness, it becomes even more difficult to be kind. Fear is a terrible motivator. In life, you are rarely faced with a choice that is easy. You rarely see a clear, correct answer to a problem. And even when the answer seems so perfectly clear to you, you're dismayed to see that there are people who think exactly the opposite, and you just can't understand how that's possible. I'm faced with this latter problem every day. I wonder to myself, HOW can my government think that it should be illegal for a gay couple to adopt a child? HOW can so many white people hate people of color? HOW can so many people be okay with putting children in cages? HOW can so many people who claim to follow the teachings of a peaceful, loving man support a man who does nothing but lie and cheat? And so on. And so forth. Ad infinitum.

The thing that makes all of this so frightening is that I don't know when, assuming if, this will ever get any better. I'm faced with the possibility that it will only get worse. I try to limit my exposure to these kinds of things, but it's impossible to fully put them out of mind these days.

This brings me back to video games. I started playing World of Warcraft in 2004 when I was still very much in the closet. I didn't come out to my parents until 2010. When I was first introduced to WoW by a friend, I related to the Horde on a personal level. I always felt like I was a misfit and that I didn't belong in the world in which I lived. I felt like the world didn't accept me. I was immediately drawn to the plight of the Darkspear Trolls, because they, too, lived in a world that didn't accept them. They were constantly being forced out of their homes, first from Darkspear Island, and then from the Echo Isles. They were hunted down and killed simply for being who they were. It didn't matter if they were the savages that the other races assumed them to be or not. Then, they found a home, and refuge, in the Horde. It goes without saying that this resonated with me, and has always resonated with me in the 14 years since.

The high point came at the conclusion of Mists of Pandaria when Vol'jin was named Warchief. Now, this group of outcasts that I had fallen in love with a decade ago were now leaders. Not only were they accepted into the Horde, they were stronger within it. They could be heroes. (Just for one day.)

A lot of players are comparing what's happening in the game today to what happened during the Darkspear Rebellion. I don't think these two events could be any more different, and I'll explain why. The Darkspear Rebellion was presented to us as a story about the Horde having to overthrow a leader who had gone too far. We knew that we, as a player, would have the opportunity to rise up, say no, and fight to preserve the Horde that we joined so many years ago. More generically, we were given the opportunity to be a hero in our story.

We have been given no such agency in the War of Thorns. We have no assurance that this isn't what the Horde has now become. We are given no opportunity to say NO, even if doing so doesn’t change what happens. The story of Battle for Azeroth has been presented to us as the Horde versus the Alliance. During the announcement, and forever since, it has been presented as the faction war expansion. This has been told to us over and over again, from the announcement, to the box art, to the short stories, to the cinematics, to the Before the Storm novel, to the main War Campaign story that makes up the main story of the expansion, to Warfronts, to Island Expeditions, to War Mode. We are sent to Zandalar to secure the Zandalari Navy for the Dark Lady. Every new feature, every new story element, every new zone has been presented to us in the context of the faction war. Sylvanas has been constantly doing things that are unquestionably evil ever since she was made Warchief, and there has been almost no resistance or argument to it. Certainly not enough to avoid painting the Horde in a very negative light.

And this is my most grievous complaint about the current state of WoW's story. For the last day, it has made me feel the same emotions that I feel about the real world, and that is unbelievably depressing. Perhaps the current state of things in the world is WHY this story is being told now. Maybe it's a product of its time. For me, though, it has taken my escape from the uncertainty and the depressing things in the world, and has begun to mirror them. One can't look at the communities reaction and not see a parallel between how the Horde and Alliance are treating each other and how liberals and conservatives are treating each other. One can’t look at Sylvanas doing terrible things and how no one seems capable or willing to resist her, and not see the similarity to one other such leader.

One argument seems to be that, well, of course Sylvanas is evil and of course she's going to be resisted and of course we're going to heroically save the day. And yes, of course that's probably going to happen in one way or the other. Here's the thing, though. I'm sure you've heard it said before that the journey is more important than the destination. I believe that fully. I’m perfectly fine with a story having low points. But, as I mentioned before, there has been very little resistance to Sylvanas' actions and no promise that BfA is anything more than a faction war. It doesn't matter if everyone believes it's more than just a faction war. I have played the beta, and even on Zandalar everything that you're tasked with doing is in the name of the Dark Lady. It's still business as usual. So here it is:

It doesn't matter if the payoff is fulfilling when the journey feels bad.

This is my main point. Right now, it feels bad to be Horde. It feels bad to be a part of a faction that follows Sylvanas and doesn't, at least in some way, resist her evil ways. It feels bad to still be following her orders without even a hint of rebellion even on Zandalar. It feels bad not knowing if we will ever get the opportunity to tell her no. I would much rather have just a little bit of the destination spoiled for me in order to make the journey much more enjoyable and fulfilling.

Some people might be able to trust Blizzard enough that they can assume it's going to be all right, and enjoy playing the expansion until things get better. I do not have that level of trust, not after my favorite character was unceremoniously killed by a nameless demon, and then named a genocidal maniac intent on destroying all life as his successor. No, I cannot trust them to tell me a good story.

So, my conclusions? Until I know that the destination will be worth it, I will wait before I set myself on the journey. I'm not a miserable, bitter man. I haven't ruled out the possiblity that there will be some epic uprising within the Horde against Sylvanas. I'm not ignoring the fact that Saurfang eventually deserts his post. Or that the Horde druids of the Cenarion Circle were sent to Silithus by Sylvanas, which conveniently makes them unable to protest her actions in Darnassus. Or that Baine shows up in Zandalar to keep an eye on what's going on. These might be small hints at something bigger. But it's not enough. It's not NEAR enough. When Garrosh attempted to assassinate Vol'jin, the consequences were IMMEDIATE. We LEAPT at that assassin and we killed his ass before he could even confirm he'd finished Vol'jin off. It was immediately established that Vol'jin was going off to plan something, and that we'd be involved. It felt amazing.

I understand that if things like that had happened in War of Thorns, it would feel too much the same, and that's boring. Sure, I get that. Here's the thing, though. If Blizzard didn't want that, then here's a sort of controversial opinion: They shouldn't have made Sylvanas Warchief. Here's another controversial opinion: Sylvanas didn't need to be Warchief in order to do any of the things she has done since becoming Warchief.

But, here we are. This is where they've taken the story, and I find that unfortunate. I hope it get better, I really do. And if it does, I'll be right there with the rest of you to enjoy it. Until then, I hope everyone else finds their own fun with it. I'll be around, waiting in the wings, being a hero elsewhere until my time comes around again.

#world of warcraft #spoilers

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