#since honestly if you can convince me this is bullshit

[disasterbijamietartt]

Maybe I’m delusional and drank too much wine, but this is why Roy Kent being a closeted queer man explains EVERYTHING

While writing my meta piece about Jamie x Keeley I spent a lot of time thinking “What about Roy?”, since there are no convincing love interests for him aside from Keeley.

And, well, Jamie.

And for the first time I evaluated this as something that really could happen, since now there is the legit possibility that they make homophobia in professional football the prevalent theme in this season and having multiple queer storylines would help to illustrate different point of views and they could explore this with a Roy x Jamie romance plot.

And then I looked at Roy and … basically everything fell into place.

Why he represses his emotions, why he is so so angry, why he is so full with insecurities and struggles with his self-worth, why he is unable to show (physical or emotional) affection to a man without somehow having to taint it with an unnecessarily violent outbreak – the only notable exception being the Hug™️ in “Man City”. Something that hasn’t been addressed by anyone since then, which was a choice I always considered very odd, but postponing Roy’s character development to season 3 makes actually lot’s of sense, if Roy’s struggles are rooted in internalised homophobia. And if being queer in professional sports is the theme of season 3 like mental health was the theme of season 2.

Still makes his angry, violent outbursts really jarring and he has to show accountability, but if the pain he inflicted on others is related to the trauma of being forced to be in the closet for 25 odd years, that would be so heartbreaking. And it would fit into the theme of the show that actually good people like Rebecca or Jamie – and Nate once he gets his redemption – do unforgivable things and inflict pain on people who do not deserve it as a trauma response. Sure, it could be some other trauma – but this explanation would fit so well into this seasons theme, it just makes SO MUCH SENSE to me.

Also, Trent’s critique explains some of Roy’s insecurities, but he already was full of anger at seventeen, so the root of his anger has to be something different – and growing up queer in a hella homophobic surrounding since age ten and forced to stay in the closet unless he wants to throw away his dream career, if that is not a reason to be filled to the brim with anger, I don’t know what is.

And as far as I recall, the only people he actually physically attacks are Colin (the headbutt in 1x3) and Jamie. Then his beef with Trent.

In other words, we only ever see him being irrationally aggressive and violent towards queer coded or canonically queer men. Yes, he usually has reasons that are not related to (coded) sexuality – with the notable exception of “I have to headbutt Jamie before I hug him lest it seems gay!”

And the “ugly, ugly boy”-thing? Vanity is often used for queer coding. So Roy mocks something about Jamie that is queer coded.

This screams internalised homophobia.

But I hear the naysayer going “Aren’t you reaching a bit?”

Maybe, but let us take a look at some ways how Roy is queer coded that come to mind off the top of my head.

First of all: He canonically has a secret double life, where he is notably softer, hangs out with a bunch of elderly women who have no clue who Roy Kent, professional angry footballer, is, and does yoga with them, frequents gay bars, hangs out with drag queens and watches reality tv while sipping rosé, which is a sweet girly drink, like you know “vanilla vodka. such a child.” – in his “real life” Roy would never ever drink rosé or admit to anyone that he watched even a single second of “Lust Conquers All” by accident (Keeley definitely didn’t know, or she would have teased him with this).

Who else has a secret double life? Colin.

And while I hate to be “look, so many gay stereotypes!” … Look, so many gay stereotypes!

Also, both Julie Andrews and Madonna are gay icons? As are Stevie Nicks and Tina Turner

“The Sound of Music” (his favourite) is popular in gay culture and the nuns are implied to be lesbians?

He mouths along when Rebecca sings “Let it go”, with Elsa being queer coded and the song being a queer anthem?

And when I googled “A Wrinkle in Time queer” first thing I got was a paper by the Syracuse University titled “Unusual Children: Queerishness and Strange Growth in A Wrinkle in Time and The Giver”, which discusses the queerness of the main character. You know, the “Am I supposed to be the little girl”-girl?

This are all the pop culture references I could recall off the top of my head, there may be things that are not queer coded, but … one or two, that is a coincidence. Three or more, that is a pattern. You cannot convince me that the writer’s “accidentally” queer coded Roy so extensively if he is supposed to be straight.

(Dear god, the only thing about Ted Lasso that always disappointed me was the lack of explicit queer characters – like, I’d bet with you that the majority of non-queer viewers didn’t get Keeley’s “dip the toe back in the lady pool” line or Colin’s “oh like Grindr?” – and if they now go and make the third season queer as fuck? Bless them!

And just like the next level trolling by Phil and Brett if they were actually spoiling the big love story for years, while everyone thought they were just joking?)

EDIT: Just looked up Gina Gershon, who Roy said he dated once—guess what, according to Wikipedia she’s considered a gay icon 🙃

[i-care-4u]

it’s a tradition ✹ jude bellingham

SOCIAL MEDIA AU

PAIR: JUDE BELLINGHAM X FEMALE!READER

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED | MASTERLIST

A/N: literally decided to post an early birthday fic for jude! 😁

→ INSTAGRAM

2021

judebellingham

Liked by erling.haaland, yourusername, jobebellingham, and 140,002 others

judebellingham I want to say how fortunate I am to know someone like yourusername. I reflect on the memories and experiences we've had, writing about how you've made me laugh and smile. I talk about how you make me feel more alive and how much I value having you in my life. I'll close with a heartfelt wish for you to have a fantastic birthday, bud.

View all 1,820 comments

yourusername Thank you I guess 😓 (Why did you chose this picture out of all the pictures you've took?)

↳ judebellingham yourusername Hey, this one gotta do (This is the most fun you look)

erling.haaland Hey, where's my silly birthday post?

↳ judebellingham erling.haaland See you next year, mate.

user1 Now if you don't bag her Bellingham...

footiefan7 Enough with the girl, give us more football posts

↳ judebe footiefan7 Tell me you’re single without telling us that you’re single

user2 She's so gorgeous

user3 Oh to have a dedicated post on Jude's page

judebellinghamlive I've seen two pretty best friends now

yourusername

Liked by judebellingham, jobebellingham, trentarnold66, and 5,920 others

yourusername Happy birthday to one of my bestest friends in the world! judebellingham You constantly brighten my day with your humor and charm. I also want to congratulate you once again for getting into the Dortmund team, you’re already achieving so much at your young age. I am so proud of you, bestie. Here's to another year of laughter and good times! 🍰

View all 109 comments

judebellingham Who's this cheeky lad you're hanging out with?

↳ yourusername judebellingham I think his name is Joe Birmingham??? Correct me if I'm wrong

yourbestfriend Okay WAG 🥰🥰🥰

↳ yourusername yourbestfriend Nah, is there a FAB option? (Friends And Buddies) 🤗

↳ user1 yourusername You can be like the honorary WAG

2022

judebellingham

Liked by yourusername, jobebellingham, gioareyna, and 402,920 others

judebellingham Happy birthday to the friend who's put up with my bullshit for so many years. I honestly don't know how you do it, but I'm grateful for your questionable (good) taste in friends. You literally deserve a medal for being this loyal after this long. My true ride or die buddy.

View all 3,929 comments

yourusername Ooh, and she got a glow up since her last birthday post! 😍

↳ judebellingham yourusername This is a sign that I'm getting better at taking pictures, right?

gioareyna Do I deserve a loyalty medal too?

↳ judebellingham gioareyna No.

↳ yourusername judebellingham Tell him🤭

user1 She’s so pretty

bellinghammer Happy birthday to the funniest and sweetest girl ever!

user2 I always get excited for these birthday posts

ilobjude I hope Jude realizes how much we fans love Y/n

user3 I refuse to believe that they aren’t together

yourusername

Liked by judebellingham, jobebellingham, gioareyna, and 8,829 others

yourusername Happy birthday, Jude! Today is your big day, and you have an extra reason to celebrate: you have officially made the England team for the World Cup in Qatar! What an incredible achievement! I am quite impressed with all of your hard work and dedication to your football career. You've worked really hard to reach this stage, and the praise could not have come at a better moment. I am convinced that you will represent England honorably and make all of your fans proud. Congratulations bubs!

View all 201 comments

judebellingham You finally got something nice to say about me

↳ yourusername judebellingham *And the only time I’ll say something nice to you, sir.

yourbestfriend If I were to be on the England team, would you write me a long ass paragraph too? 😍

↳ yourusername yourbestfriend I’ll write you a novel instead 🥰

↳ judebellingham yourusername I expect the same energy next year 🙄

2023

judebellingham

Liked by yourusername, jobebellingham, camavinga, and 1,503,292 others

judebellingham As another year passes, I can't help but think about all the moments we've made together yourusername. Listening to your late-night chats to creating any last minute plans, I consider myself extremely fortunate to have you in my life. You laugh at all of my idiotic jokes, even when they aren't very amusing. You give me the most honest advice when I need it most, and you always know what to say to make me feel better. When I am among you, I don't have to put up a face or pretend to be someone I am not. You accept me as I am, no matter the flaws. So, for your birthday, I simply wanted you to know how much you mean to me. You're more than a friend; you're a true partner in crime. I would not want to spend my life with anyone else.

View all 4,020 comments

yourusername Awwww (I wrote this)

↳ judebellingham yourusername Selfish much?

camavinga At this point get a room already 🤣

↳ user1 camavinga What are you trying to say here?

↳ user2 user1 I feel like he knows something we don’t

madridistar OH NO WHAT’S HAPPENING….🧍‍♀️…..🐕

jobeyjude I just want to be friends with Y/n, is that too much to ask for?

mbappeswife My favorite time of the year! (Jude’s dedicated post to Y/n)

user3 My [zodiac] queen

modricsfave Happy birthday gorgeous! 🎉🎂🥳

yourusername

Liked by judebellingham, jobebellingham, vinijr, and 20,020 others

yourusername Another year older, and possibly wiser. Happy birthday, Jude! You're more than just a friend to me; you're my confidant, rock, and partner in crime. Our bond is unbreakable, and our relationship is something I treasure deeply. But don't forget that you've joined Real Madrid in addition to being another year older! I can't wait to see your success on that field. You've worked exceptionally hard to get here, and you deserve all the success in the world.

View all 508 comments

judebellingham Gracias amiga 🤍

↳ yourusername judebellingham Those Spanish lessons coming in HANDY 🤭

vinijr Happy birthday Jude! 🎉

camavinga Family ☝️

judebells_ We stan a supportive friend like Y/n 🙌

2024

judebellingham

Liked by yourusername, jobebellingham, ardaguler, and 4,901,639 others

judebellingham Today marks as Y/n's birthday, and I just want to say how everything has changed for the better since the past year. You have given me so much love, happiness, and joy in the previous year, and I will be eternally grateful for every moment we've spent together. I still can't believe you're mine and I can call you that. It feels as if a dream has come true and I can't wait to see what's next for us.

View all 5,009 comments

yourusername I love you beautiful 💕

↳ judebellingham yourusername Love you more than anything 🤗

jobebellingham Saw this one coming 🫣

↳ beellinghamm jobebellingham I just want to know how long you’ve been waiting for this moment to happen

user1 It’s official…Y/n is my favorite WAG

halamadridjude You’re such a lucky man

user2 Mama y papa 😇

vinisoulmate I wish I had someone adore me the same way Jude does to Y/n

bellingfanatic I don’t know what’s his biggest win, Champion’s League or finally dating Y/n after so many years

user3 Sending you both lots of love 🫶🫶🫶

yourusername

Liked by judebellingham, jobebellingham, lukamodric10, and 206,385 others

yourusername I can't believe I call this cameraman, judebellingham, "mine." In all seriousness, you know I value you for so much more than just taking my pictures. Happy birthday to the man who I refer to as my partner and best friend, who tries his best to keep me sane throughout the day. Every day, I fall more deeply in love with you. You're like my other half, the missing piece that makes me feel complete. You've witnessed my most raw and vulnerable moments, and you still adore me for who I am. I consider it a privilege to have you at my side, someone who understands and accepts me for who I am, camera or not. Love you lots, bud.

View all 1,920 comments

judebellingham Here's to growing gray hair together!

↳ yourusername judebellingham Okay. Now you're making me feel old.

yourbestfriend Remember the times when I called you a WAG?

↳ yourusername yourbestfriend Yes, you've won…

user1 IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME THEY STARTED DATING

[leviathanspain]

kiss it off me

carmy berzatto x reader

synopsis: the woman who made him a man is back in town and he can barely hold it together

a/n: i tried to make it cohesive without rushing it, but oh well..enjoy!

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

no one ever forgot their first time.

it was the sweetest taste, your cherry flavor stained lips, chapped from the dry chicago heat. he remembered the way they felt, soft and rubbery, his teeth had caught on them. then the fruity flavor had turned to iron, but he still kissed you as hard as he did the first time.

after he had bitten you, you had asked gently if he had ever done this before. carmen answered honestly, and you promised you’d teach him everything you knew.

but that had been years ago, and a lifetime of memories had occurred since then, that when richie had mentioned your name, carmy couldn’t place you.

“what was it again?” carmy asked, hands on his hips as he thought hard of what richie had just said.

“y/n. come on, cousin, don’t tell me you forgot!” his neck vein popped out, and carmy shook his head, his hands rubbing across his face as he thought hard.

“was she in school with me? how do you know her?” carmy shot out any questions that could connect you to him in his mind. it sounded familiar, the way richie said your name with thousands of memories behind it.

richie shrugged, “you brought this girl around to every single thing your family threw! she was your little girlfriend-“

“holy fuck- penny?” it was as if all the gears in carmy’s head had finally turned at the right time. he remembered you, of course he remembered you. he had to sift through all the bullshit of the past decade but now, it was like a fresh breath of air.

“penny? i swear her name was y/n.” richie raised his eyebrow, “i saw her at some magazine stand down the street, and i swear she looked familiar-“

“pennington. penny’s for pennington. i-“ carmy chuckled slightly, “mikey called me bear once, when she was around. and she had wanted a nickname like that.” richie could see the warmth in carmy’s face as he talked about you.

richie nodded in response, giving a second for carmy to come back down to earth. “i invited her to opening night. she’s one of those people who mold shit outta clay-“ he demonstrated with his hands, carmy’s eyes just staring out.

“cousin-“

“you invited her to opening night?” carmy echoed, and richie stared, hands falling onto the counter. he nodded, irritated with carmy’s absentmindedness.

“i want to be someone to be remembered.” the crinkle of the empty beer cans underneath your feet, followed your speech, “i want to be an artist!” your hands shot out, the drink in your left hand had partially spilled, but you didn’t seem to notice as you took another swig of it.

carmy’s face was hot. he felt it heat up after his first drink, and now had spent the entire night nervously pulling at his collar, trying to keep up with you.

you had driven him out to the suburbs in your mother’s beaten up volvo. he had gotten drinks, but hadn’t revealed how. but it didn’t matter, as the two of you were out, feet dangling above the ground, sitting in the trunk.

you turned to look at him. he looked beautiful in the moonlight, his blue eyes were deep, like pools of water that you wanted to get lost in.

“don’t you want to be an artist too, carmy?” your voice was soft, set to the pitch of innocence as you brought your hand up to caress his cheek. carmy was shy, eyes always darting away from yours, hands drawn up to his sides. it had taken a lot of convincing for him to even come out with you, but with the beer he had brought, you realized he could still surprise you.

it was in between your question and his answer that you had kissed him. it wasn’t the first time, there had been many more times since. but the passion was the same, the desire for more was always weighing heavy.

“yes..” carmy spoke, closing his eyes as your hands began to unbuckle his belt. he shivered, grabbing your hands, he helped you undo his belt, breath hitching as you kissed him harder.

carmen had been incredibly stressed all day. he had been stressed ever since richie had told him that you’d be coming to opening night. he had tried not to induce an attack, last time he saw you there had been a fight, and it was silence ever since.

but now, just the idea of your presence loomed over him like doomsday. today, even without you, could make or completely annihilate his career. but he was ready to face either or. you had taught him that, better or for worse.

“hey cousin!” richie thundered through the kitchen doors, his suit was dark and sleek, contrasting the chef coats everyone else was wearing. “y/n is at table five. sugar is talking to her, and it looks very,” he paused, and looked at carmy, “interesting.”

carmy sighed, “fuck.” he was busy, too busy that it should be inhumanly possible. he grabbed a towel, one that hung loosely over his shoulder and wiped his hands, “what did she order?” he looked around at all the other workers, looked at their plates and tried to guess.

richie smiled, crossing his arms across his chest as he spoke, “nothing.”

carmy had felt his face rise with heat as he slammed through the kitchen doors. he felt embarrassed, a little shocked even, that you hadn’t ordered anything for dinner.

he turned to the sound of sugar’s laugh, a familiar sound, he had found himself already walking over to the table. you hadn’t seen him yet, natalie had all your focus.

“hey-“ he greeted. sugar was the first to turn, and happily greeted her brother. you followed suit, but you didn’t say anything as the two exchanged a few words. instead you stared at carmy, years older, and completely unknown to you.

“hey bear.” you greeted, voice sweet on his name, you stood up, going in for a tight hug. he smelled of food, not surprising for someone who was just in the kitchen.

“hey pen..” he returned your greeting, and looked at his sister, who excused herself politely.

the two of you just stood for a moment, carmy watching as sugar circled around to talk to richie. carmy turned back to you, and extended his hand to your chair. you both sat, now face to face.

you looked different. the teenage invincibility had been exchanged for a confident, self assured adult. your eyes were still the kindest ones, he felt at ease just staring into them.

his eyes avoided your lips, avoided what they reminded him of.

“richie tells me your a sculptor?” carmy didn’t know why, but that was the first thing he had thought to ask. you laughed, surprised at his question too. but you nodded nevertheless, “yes, a local gallery is displaying some of my work. that’s why i’m back.” you played around with your silverware, and cleared your throat, “this is really lovely, carm. it’s-“ you looked around at it all, at the bustling scenery with various happy customers. “i’m really happy for you.” you finished.

carmy nodded, “yeah. thank you.” he blinked, and remembered what he had wanted to really ask. “are you not hungry or-“ you followed his gaze to the empty plate in front of you and you laughed, “oh- right!” you shrugged, “i don’t know actually. i guess i wanted to see if it was really you.” the way the words came out felt wrong, and you were quick to explain yourself.

“i didn’t mean it like that-“ you assured, and carmy laughed slightly, “i just hadn’t seen you in years that i almost didn’t believe it.” carmy nodded, “well, i’m here..im right here.”

the two of you locked eyes in that moment.

it was a special moment, something of substance that could ground carmy, and remind him of all the good things in life.

you tore your eyes away, and awkwardly laughed, “my show is next friday.” a card had appeared in your hands, and you were scooting it across the table to him, “i already gave one to your sister, and another to richie when i first saw him. you don’t have to come, i just figured-“ you looked around and he nodded, “yeah. no, totally. i’ll go.”

he found himself agreeing to go before he even fully thought it through.

he stood up, grabbing the card he tucked it into his coat. you looked up at him, eyes twinkling.

“bye carm.”

“bye pen.”

“you’ve got to calm down.” sydney had found herself at the end of an almost accident. carmy had forgotten the safe word, and nearly ran into sydney, who was carrying a large pot of boiling water.

she had set the pot down, realizing that there was something wrong with carmen.

carmy ignored her, and continued to furiously cook.

“hey-“ sydney put a hand on his shoulder but that seemed to make it all worse. carmy flinched, and dropped his spatula. he stepped back and shook his head, “back off, chef.”

“carm-“

“now.” his tone cut deep, and sydney nodded, annoyed with his response, she went back to work.

carmy’s hands were stuffed into the pockets of his jacket. wind cut at his face, weaving through all the people on his way to the gallery.

he had checked the date and time multiple times, all day. he wanted to get it right, be there for you like you were for him. it had been a week since opening night, and he had thought about you every single night since.

you waited for him. people kept coming up to you, congratulating you on your new work, but none of it mattered. the work wasn’t for them, it was for him. and he was late.

“i could stay-“ carmy looked around nervously, eyes darting anywhere but the pools of pain in your eyes.

“no.” you bluntly said, “you will not stay here. you cant stay here. trust me carmen, you’re better off.” you had come to terms with the fact that if he stayed, he would be another mikey.

that’s why you had begged mikey not to let carmy work at the beef. he would never leave if he did.

carmy sighed, exhausted from the hours of arguing, “we’ll talk every day. i’ll- i can make time, between class-“ he tripped over his own words, and you had to stop him before it got worse.

“carmy-“ the way you looked at him made him realize that this was it. there was not going to be any calls, or any relationship because you were breaking up with him.

“i got into art school. i’ve been wanting to tell you, but i hadn’t made a decision.” you paused, “this is what’s best for both of us, bear.”

you had spotted him walking in. in the sea of pretentiousness, there he was. his wool jacket, perfect against the chilly weather, it had reminded you of all those winters during school.

“carmy!” you called his name, and waved him over. he weaved through to you, and greeted you with a hug and a kiss, “hey.”

he looked around at all artwork, “looks incredible.” he realized that along with sculptures, you had paintings as well. it was a cohesive collection, something that would definitely get talked about.

but as he looked at more work, he realized with a pang what the theme was. you followed him as he walked all around the gallery, until he finally got the main piece of work.

it was behind a rope, a blue velvet rope on all four sides as carmy, in statue form, looked out into the room of people.

“holy shit-“ he sounded breathless, eyes glued to a perfect posed, stone version of himself.

you watched his expression, unable to decipher how he was feeling. whether he was happy about it or not, you couldn’t tell.

more people came behind you to admire the statue, and carmy looked away, “is that it?” you nodded, and reached out, “come on, there’s one more thing, exclusive for the muse.”

muse, he whispered under his breath. he was your muse.

you took carmy to the office of the gallery. you had set up shop there, your belongings were scattered across the desk. you walked up to the desk, and leaned against it.

carmy walked in after you, and looked expectantly at you. you sighed, “you were the reason i came back. this,” there was a window where the statue could be seen, along with other pieces inspired by him. “was for you. you’ve been something that i’ve been trying to make right.”

carmy shook his head, “i’m not some broken toy that you can fix, penny.” your nickname cut like a blade in that moment and you exhaled. “i know that.” you replied, “i just- i cant get you out of my head, carmy. for years i’ve tried,” you stood up off the desk, and walked towards him.

carmy instinctively wrapped his hands around your waist, sitting them perfectly on your curves. you both remained silent as you got closer. but he was pulling you in too, just too close for comfort.

“come on, bear.” you whispered, nose dragging across his cheek, you closed your eyes and hoped he’d kiss you.

carmy shivered, his grip on you tightened as he kissed your cheek. it was soft, innocent almost. you opened your eyes, bringing your hands up to his face as you pulled him in for a kiss.

it was new. you hadn’t kissed him since you were teenagers. he was inexperienced, but he was willing to learn. but now as you kissed him, you realized that he’s kissed hundreds of people since then. but you didn’t care. you loved his taste, cigarettes and everything sweet.

he kissed you harder, his hands tightening on your hips that it was almost painful. you couldn’t help yourself, you pressed against him, carmy’s back digging into the wall behind him.

“fuck-“ you kissed him more, lips dragging from his to his neck. he shivered, but didn’t say anything as you began to kiss him lower and lower.

the bustling noise of the people outside broke him out whatever this was, and carmy put a hand on yours, which was right on his belt buckle. “not here.” he panted right into your lips, “later you can kiss it all off me, but not here.” he felt naked, those people out there were gawking at his stone figure like some lost greek artifact.

he couldn’t do it now.

you nodded, lingering in his eyes, “of course, bear. time and place, i’ll be there.” you leaned in for a kiss, which carmy happily gave away. a part of him wondered what this would be. he couldn’t think, he wouldn’t.

“i’ll- im gonna go, pen.” he had taken a minute, looking at the door for a moment before opening it. he exhaled deeply, stepping out as the door shut behind him.

you watched him walk, his broad back being lost in the crowd of onlookers. you tried to ignore the urge to smile, but even then, you couldn’t hide it.

[cottondo]

vox x reader ; please?

Nobody really understood how it happened— it just did one day.

You ended up really hitting it off with the man of Voxtech himself; and wow lookathat, you’re dating him now.

It wasn’t unusual to be waking up in his bed, either. But what something Vox wasn’t used to, was a sunshine personality like yours. Of course you have your devilish charms still, as thats what drew him into you to begin with. But, the small appreciations you had for just about everything? It was weird, right? For a sinner in hell, it was marked as a rare occurrence to see someone like you.

( Other than the Princess of Hell, though she was much more over the top than you were. )

As your eyes opened, surroundings gaining a much clearer focus, you let out a tired little sigh.

There’s a soft buzzing beside you, where Vox was passed out in a deep sleep. It was such a nice state to see him in. Calm, not stressed out and dealing with everyone’s chaotic bullshit.

Honestly, it was nice being awake before everyone else. You could just take in the small beauties of silence before everything got obnoxious.

Your eyes flicker over to the windows, and see a bright neon sign with arrows pointing downward towards its front door.

A brand new building had just opened up, and it was a place you’ve been waiting to check out for a while now. Honestly, you couldn’t contain the excitement. It seemed like it took forever to finish, as most demons tried to overrun it while it was still in a vulnerable state.

With a little gasp, your hand falls to vox’s shoulder, and shake it lightly. “Oh my god, Vox, wake up!”

A static noise enters the air, as a small groan of annoyance leaves the tv screen. “What—”

You smirk, leaning over his shoulder to view his annoyance. “It’s finally open~ we gotta go!”

He heaves out a heavy sigh, turning to lay on his back with a dull, tired expression. “Y/N,”

“Please?” The little pout you made usually got him to do what you wanted, but this time it didn’t. He looked tired and visibly annoyed. Honestly, fair. You did kinda just wake him up in one of the worst ways possible.

“Can you at least let me wake up a little, first?” His lopsided smile made your heart flutter. Fuck, he was just so cute no matter what.

“Okay, fine. Just don’t fall back to sleep.” You fully sit up, crawling over his figure, and hoping to avoid stepping on any part of him in the process of getting off the bed. Standing to your feet on the floor, he **almost** chuckles. “What the hell even is the place you wanna go to, anyway?” His one eye widens out of curiosity over at you.

You roll your eyes, annoyed that he never usually remembered the little things. “The first like, ever, plant shop in hell. Somebody actually got things to grow down here,” you inform, taking a step in front of the mirror. “I think they used, like, human world magic or something.”

Vox sat up, stretching his neck and letting out a little groan. “Since when can anybody just get access to earth?”

You deadpan him briefly, “Does it even matter? I need one.”

He shakes his head, sitting up.

“I don’t know how you can be this happy so early in the morning.” He smiled at you. Holy shit, he actually smiled at how stupid your little obsession with this place was.

“Did— did you just smile~?” You decide to point it out, a smirk curling up to your features.

His eyes widened, body slightly startled at your reaction to him. “What?”

You inch closer to him, a brighter look of excitement as he stares at you in curiosity. “Oh my god you did! I saw you, so there’s no denying it.”

Vox takes on the tv effect to his tone as he looks up at you. “Alright, alright.” He then stands, and you notice how he slightly towers over your idling frame. “Only you can convince me to do shit I normally wouldn’t do.” His screen looks away with an almost embarrassment to it.

Your arms gently slip around his waist, causing him to tense up, arms raising.

“Thank you.” You smirk up at him. It didn’t take much to get him wrapped around your finger.

Vox sighs, lowering his arms, and slinking a hand around your waist. He gently guides you forward into his figure. His little smile comes back, and for a moment, you can actually feel him soften his outer shell with you. “Anything for you, my dear.”

______________________________________

I’m so sorry my writing hasn’t been up to par lately lmao 🥲 Not loving this one rn

[popponn]

sick day safe distance.

summary: you caught a cold and really doesn’t want him to also get sick. it’s that simple, actually.

notes: was tempted to add more, but yeah one day, maybe. this is me trying to pump myself up and trying to grasp sae more for an upcoming fic. also warm up for a bit. still i hope it will be an enjoyable read, as simple and unserious it is haha. warning: none, just mentions of colds symptoms here and there. fluff, clingy slash affectionate bfs, reader's gender unspecified.

character: nagi, sae, isagi.

nagi seishiro

this guy somehow turns even more similar to his favorite chat sticker. just a bit more fluffy, and bigger, and with grubby hands. put simply, nagi is pretty troublesome because he insists on still being close to you. he really doesn’t see a point in keeping his distance since he still lives under the same roof as you—which doesn’t mean you could go somewhere else though. he is not above actually hanging on your hip. don’t test him.

in a way, you will be lucky if he must go out for practice. but if he is not, then good luck. if before you sleep, he was sitting a few meters away from you, the moment you took a nap nagi would be laying his head somewhere near or on you while playing his game. pray for your debate skill, because you really need to convince him that ‘getting sick is even more troublesome than not cuddling with you for a while. yes even when that’s what he really wants.’ also a little tip, be strong and don’t look at his baby face too much. that’s a losing fight with a natural puppy face. and if you want to take a bet, use his hoodie as your sick attire. it will either satiate whatever it is in him or worsen it.

he is a bit childish and adamant when he is clingy. even when he is not in the clingiest mood, that wouldn’t necessarily mean his concern for you would be gone immediately. every hour or so, you will definitely see a nagi peeking at you, asking if you want anything because ‘if you got worse it would be even more troublesome’. and honestly just let him do anything he wants to take care of you—this guy will be okay in the kitchen and in anything even if it’s his first time. that’s the resident giant sloth doing something for you out of his own willingness. plus if worst comes to worst, hey, maybe adrenaline could be an instant cure.

itoshi sae

sae makes a face that indicates he is a little upset, hums, and then actually says he will stay somewhere else for a while. he reacts so gracefully and normally it’s kind of cold. but then again, this is sae and his personality. just because he seems unaffected and puts you somewhere pretty low on his priority list, it doesn’t mean that is how it truly is. and if you are trained to translate sae-speak through experiences and are already used to him, it’s kind of obvious, from his actions especially.

it’s obvious in the way he leaves you messages and voice notes. and in the way he insults you when you try to do something dumb or eat something that you shouldn’t. in the way he sends you food and reminds you to drink every hour he can—and if he has to practice, he will find someone to do that task through sheer deadpan alone. also in the way he keeps the call on until you sleep every night—saying that this is to make sure you won’t infect his part of bed, which is a lie. if you show him that you miss him by cuddling his side of bed this guy will short-circuit, in a very positive way.

also, since this is sae with his terrible case of ‘showing he actually cares’, most of the proof of him being genuinely upset from being away from you will come from others. in the form of complaints. all telling you to get better soon because he got extra grumpy and blunt in his wording as if he is on a vengeance quest. and even if his play got better somehow, help his teammates because they really are not here to deal with a boyfriend who has love deficiency or some bullshit. of course, you hardly believe them because in every video call, sae acts like it's nothing. still, go do loving gestures in your temporary long-distance relationship. some people will actually owe you for that. also don’t forget to at least give him an update if he somehow couldn’t contact you. just in case.

isagi yoichi

isagi takes it with a grimace and an understanding sigh that truthfully still sounds very exasperated, but accepting nonetheless. he will still whine a little though, in a very joking and light manner. this guy’s schedule is packed and he rarely has any time with you, so of course if any chance he should have gotten sabotaged by some random flu, it’s entirely within his right to get at least a little upset. so understandably, his priority as an egoist who really wants some loving would be to get you healthy again as soon as possible. also, maybe, that part of him that takes care of people so naturally kind of screeches when you cough roughly.

the sweetest part is probably how he will still find a way to take care of you no matter what his schedule is. what isagi wants, isagi will get somehow after all. it’s his break day? you are not leaving his sight and he will watch the old matches from your side—also he is wearing a face mask so don’t bother to shoo him away. if he has training? maybe you have to walk around a little bit by yourself still, but somehow everything from food to medicines is ready. his friends ask him to hang out? this one is a straight-out pass, his baby is sick.

this is the guy who will try to cook porridge for you while calling his mom in the process and sends a longing gaze when you keep a distance between the two of you. he won’t protest and will actually do his best. remember to walk around the neighborhood with him the moment you get better. also give him as many handholds, hugs, kisses, and praises as possible. actually, go do a headstart on the praise if possible. even if he scolds you to rest instead of giving him sugary words, the soft dotting look on his face can’t lie. just make sure to not suggest sleeping in the hotel or have him stay at someone’s though—trust this guy and his self-centeredness. when he really wants to stay with you and stay healthy for his career, he will. don’t doubt him or make enemies of the protagonist.

[elswing]

i hate posting discourse it's pointless and doesn't do anything for me except prolong my annoyance but i'm Tired™ and feel like shouting into the void. apologies to my beautiful feanorian mutuals please look away i love u

i neeeeeeed everyone to stop claiming they like elwing if their characterisation of her is completely made-up biased bullshit that paints her as an immature and disdained ruler (?????) who couldn't balance her responsibilities with the husband she married too young (at 22. practically a child bride honestly) and the children she never wanted (where. where does it say this). she's clearly such a bad mother that she abandoned them at first opportunity (she knew the feanorians were more than capable of killing a pair of twin boys because they literally already did that. that's very much a thing that already happened. to her brothers) and it was her selfish nature that made her soooo eager to flee (she had no reason to think ulmo would save her it was literally a suicide attempt. she wanted to make sure the deaths of her people and presumed deaths of her sons weren't in vain by ensuring they never obtained the silmaril)

like i'm gonna touch your hand as i say this. it's okay if you hate her! just don't pretend that you weren't thriving in the 2016 era of silm fandom where everyone pushed all their male fave's negative traits onto any other woman in a 5 mile radius to grab Poor Little Meow Meow status for war criminal #1 #2 and #3 to then turn around and spout the exact same (factually untrue) sexist rhetoric concealed under seven layers of buzzwords just because it's the year of "unlikable and complicated female characters" like buddy who are we talking about here. have you perhaps considered making an oc?

and i'm NOT saying i want the whole fandom to mimic my exact opinions and thoughts about elwing i realise that one of the best parts of the silm is how divisive it is and how you have so much wiggle room to come to your own interpretations because of how VAGUE the source material is but i'm genuinely convinced everyone's just parroting shit they saw in ao3 fanfics where maglor is secretly lindir and the premise is elrond sneaking him into valinor and elwing yells at him for slaughtering her people. TWICE. and this is framed as a category 5 Woman Moment so elrond disowns her and calls maglor his real dad

(eärendil misses this entire ordeal because he went on a voyage to save the world that one time and no one's let him live it down since because the whole fandom as a collective decided he did this because he's a terrible dad and not because the whole continent was at war and about to be wiped out and maybe he came to the unfortunate but reasonable conclusion that leaving is the best thing he could do for his family if it meant there was a chance his sons could grow up safe in a world that wasn't ruled by Fucking Satan so now his whole Beloved Sacrificial Lion: The Thin Line Between Doomed and Prophesized Hero™ shtick is tossed out in favour of.... *checks notes* Guy Who Forgot To Pay Child Support? oh and they're a lot louder about this because he's a man so no one can call it misogyny that's why no one ever goes the #girlflop #ILoveMyBlorbosNastyAndComplicated route with him and he gets dubbed as that one asshole who just wanted fame and glory even though that goes against the general themes for tolkien's hero characters. and tolkien loved that dude to bits that was his specialist little guy so you can't seriously tell me you think that's what he was trying to portray???????? is that seriously what you think he was trying to portray????????? babe????????????

also there's a BIG difference when it's a character that's only named in one draft and doesn't exist in the rest or gil-galad who has like three and a half possible fathers but ELWING??????? the only possible way you could be coming to these conclusions is if you read the damn book with your eyes closed. FUCK.

[before-it-felt-like-a-sin]

Ok, how about Natalie X reader, the scene where they find the lake, but reader is too self conscious to strip down in front of everyone and go for a swim?

Pretty Girls

Anon this is a lovely request but imma be so Fr I can't remember the exact dialogue so enjoy my bullshit <3

Warnings: insecure reader, mentions of body image issues, no smut but a bit of a heated make out, not proofread and also written on my phone <3

-----------------------------------------------------

"I found a lake," Taissa announced as she returned from her hike,"It's about four miles from here. We should hike it."

"We aren't leaving. What if the rescue team comes?" Jackie responded, clearly annoyed.

"I hate to break it to you, but it's been three days. They aren't coming, and we're running out of water. We need to head to the lake." Taissa's voice was firm.

Secretly, you agreed with Tai, but you weren't going to get in the middle of this argument. The last thing you needed was Jackie pissed at you. There was enough division as it was.

"We should put it to a vote," Jackie announced. So much for no more division, "All for staying here, raise your hands."

Three people agreed. Jackie, Lottie, and Laura Lee all raised their hands.

"Okay, all for heading to the lake?" Taissa asked now, and nearly all of the group put up their hands. Even Shauna, which was shocking. Who knew she'd go against Jackie like that.

"Looks like we're heading to the lake. Get your shit." Wit that, everyone began packing up any belongings not already in their suitcases.

About twenty minutes later, you all were ready to start your hike. You fell into step beside Lottie as you walked.

"Hey. I know you didn't want to do this," you said.

"Honestly, I was more worried about Jackie's reaction than actually leaving the plane." Lottie smiled at you. You laughed lightly in response.

The two of you walked in silence for a while, listening to everyone chatter on and on. A few girls had started complaining, and you heard Jackie say something about how Tai must have been wrong about the distance from the crash site.

That's when Van saw the lake.

"Hell yeah bitches!" She exclaimed, jumping up and down. Soon, everyone was racing down to the water, stripping off tee shirts and shorts. You hung back, not entirely wanting everyone to see your bare stomach.

"You don't want to swim?" Natalie spoke softly into your ear. You jumped at the unexpected closeness. The two of you hadn't really had time to spend together since the crash.

Your relationship to Natalie was a complicated one. You had began hanging out with her because Van and Tai had started spending more time with each other, leaving the two of you with each other. You'd had a crush on Natalie for a while, and you enjoyed spending time with her. Recently, though, she'd begun to flirt with you. Nothing major, just jokes about how pretty you were, or messing with your hair, or good-natured teasing about your interests. You weren't entirely clear on where you stood.

"Just not totally sure how I feel about stripping in front of everyone." You laughed as you spoke, as if trying to convince both Natalie and yourself that it really was a joke. Even if you knew it wasn't.

"You afraid they'll stare?" She teased.

"Yeah, actually. Just not for the reason you think." You giggled again, but it was harder to be convincing this time.

"Hey, if you're set on not swimming, that's fine. But no one is going to judge you for the way you look. I think we've moved past that point."

"Yeah, well, the rest of you have been changing in front of each other for ages. This kind of thing is new to me."

"Whatever you say, gorgeous. I'm swimming. You should too. I know I wouldn't judge you." She smirked at you in a way that made heat rise to your cheeks.

"Mm. And you've also never seen me naked, so I don't think you can say that yet."

"Okay, y/n." With that, she walked to the edge of the lake, stripping her shirt and pants as she walked across the pebbles.

You didn't stare. You in fact made a point not to stare. But it seemed that as soon as you looked up at her, she moved her head to catch you looking. She smiled at you, and nodded her head toward the lake.

As you looked back at her, you rolled your eyes and shook your head. There was no way you were getting in that water. The whole team didn't need to see your stomach and stretch marks.

Well... maybe you'd take off your shirt. You had a sports bra on. That was full coverage enough, right? Plus, your jeans had a high waist on them. Not much would be on display.

Cautiously, you peeled off your t-shirt, hoping no one would notice. Or care. As you shook your hair free from the confines of the fabric, you felt eyes on you.

In the middle of the lake, you caught Natalie staring at you this time. When she saw that you caught her, she averted her eyes. But something about her eyes on you made you feel good.

Not good enough to take your pants off, but you'd take what you could get.

You balled up your shirt and put it down on the rocky beach so you'd be able to lie down. If nothing else, you were going to enjoy the sun. Maybe not in the same way as everyone else, but you were going to enjoy it.

You lay in the sun for a bit, letting it warm you and only worrying a little bit about the sun damage that was occurring to you. You survived a damn place crash. Cancer seemed so irrelevant now.

It was nice, you thought, that even after what had happened, you were all able to have fun like this.

"Y/n! Get your ass in here!" Van called.

"No!" You yelled back, laughing.

"Lame ass," she responded.

"That's me." With that, you went back to your sunbathing and daydreaming. The only thing that would make this better would be-

"What the fuck!" You exclaimed, dripping water. Somehow, someone had managed to dump a whole bucket of water on you.

You looked up to see it was Van and Taissa. You'd expected Van, but Tai was a low blow. Although, best friends would do that kind of shit to you.

"Taissa Turner I swear to god. I could kill you right now." Your hair was soaked, your mascara was running, and your pants... well, wet jeans aren't ever the move.

"Now you have to swim," Van said, clearly not sensing your anger.

"No, now I have to fucking change out of one of the few pieces of clothing that's actually clean. Thanks for that."

"Whoa, sorry. We didn't think you'd be upset about it. We just wanted you to have fun." Taissa looked at you apologetically. You found yourself forgiving them almost immediately. They were just trying to get you to have fun. There hadn't been much of that lately.

"Still a little pissed at you. But it's fine. I'll just change." You started getting up to find your suitcase.

"Or... hear us out... you come swim with us. It'll be fun." Van looked at you expectantly, hoping you'd say yes.

Maybe...

No. You couldn't. What if they stared at you. What if Natalie stared at you. What if she saw you in your underwear and decided she was done flirting with you.

"Y/n, come on. We all know each other here. No need to be a prude," Van teased.

"Oh, well in that case." You rolled your eyes.

"You know you want to." Taissa poked your shoulder. And she was right. You did want to swim. You just didn't want to swim in front of everyone.

But it would feel so nice. And you'd be able to wash away some of the dirt and sweat from the last few days. Maybe you'd feel less... disgusting.

"Fine." You began to peel off your wet jeans.

Deep breaths, you thought, as the warm spring air hit your thighs. No one was looking at you. Right? Well, except Taissa and Van. But they'd seen you change before. You surveyed the rest of the team. No one was looking at you. Except-

Natalie.

Goddammit.

She just kept staring as you stripped down to your underwear. Luckily for you, you were wearing something full coverage.

The way she was looking at you was almost hungry, like she was drinking in your entire body. Nothing would take her eyes off you.

This was it. This was when she decided all the flirting was over. She didn't like the way you looked under the sweaters and baggy pants. She-

Was walking towards you. Out of the water. Away from everyone else.

"Tai-" you started, before you realized that she and Van had walked away. Shit. Shit shit shit.

Without thinking, you started walking towards the lake. The sooner you were submerged, the better. And you really didn't want to talk to Natalie when you were this exposed.

As you passed Natalie, you wrapped your hand around her wrist and drug her along with you.

"Come on. We're swimming. You can't get out as soon as I decide to get in." She doesn't resist as you pull her behind you, back into the lake.

"Whatever you say. I'm glad you decided to get in."

"Well, Taissa thought it was a good idea to dump water all over me. I would've had to change in front of everyone anyways. Might as well suck it up and get into the water while I'm at it."

"I told you no one would stare." She smirked and pushed the water toward you, splashing you a bit.

"Mm. Someone was staring," you responded, trying to get her to tell you why she had looked at you the way she did.

"Who?" She asked. You couldn't tell if she really didn't know who you were talking about, or if she was feigning innocence.

"Um. You?" You replied, looking at her with a quizzical look on your face.

"That was because I wanted to see if you were really going to swim. Not to judge you."

"Oh, yeah, sure. Whatever you say."

"Did you want me to be judging you? Because I wouldn't do that. To anyone. But especially you. You're like, really pretty or whatever."

"Really pretty or whatever? Such a romantic, Scatorccio." With as much force as you can, you splash her.

After she recovers from the shock of the water being splashed in her face, she looks at you with a challenge.

"No Nat please I didn't-"

Before you could finish your sentence, finish apologizing, she shoved you under the surface of the lake. You didn't have time to do much, except inhale right before she pushed you down.

When you resurfaced, the first thing you heard was her laughter.

"Wow. That was a bit excessive," you said, once you had caught your breath. She was still giggling.

"Had to retaliate somehow." She shrugged, but she did look slightly apologetic.

"Asshole."

"It's how I show my love."

"Awww, you love me?" You mocked.

"Oh, fuck off."

You just laughed at her.

She was doing it again. Staring at you. Subconsciously, you tried to cover yourself up with your arms. It didn't really have the desired effect.

"You're gorgeous," she said, eyes still on you.

"You don't have to say that." You tried to be nonchalant, but you felt your cheeks heating up.

"I'm not just saying that." She moved closer to you. When she reached you, she gently moved your arms out of the way of your body, leaving you more exposed than you'd like.

She looked at you straight in the eyes. Something about it made your knees weak. There was so much love in her face. She was looking at you like you were the only girl in the world.

"I want to kiss you so bad," she whispered in your ear. You shivered at the closeness.

"Maybe not in front of everyone," you whispered back.

"Embarrassed of me?" She joked.

"No," you laughed, "I just hate PDA"

"I have an idea then." She beckoned for you to follow her out of the lake.

You walked behind her as she led you across the beach. The only person that seemed to notice you was Taissa, and she just smiled as you passed.

Natalie continued to lead you to the edge of the woods, in a place just secluded enough. You could still hear everyone, but they wouldn't be able to see you.

Before you knew it, you were pressed up against a tree, the bark scratching your bare back.

"Can I kiss you?" Natalie asked, brushing your hair out of your eyes.

You nodded, and as soon as she got your consent, her mouth was on yours. Her lips were slightly chapped, and you appreciated the roughness of them. But her movements were soft.

Her hands rested on your hips, and her fingers were cold. Her lips felt too good on yours for you to care. You tangled your fingers into her damp hair, pulling her closer.

She pulled away for a moment to whisper to you.

"Do you believe me about you being gorgeous now?" She asked, looking at you with her pupils blown out and lips puffy from kissing.

You laughed, "I guess."

Seemingly satisfied with your response, she went back to kissing you. But now, she was kissing any inch of skin available to her. Your forehead. Your jawline. Your ear. Your neck. She didn't go any lower than that, which you appreciated. You weren't sure how ready you were for anything more. Especially in the woods.

"Y/n? Natalie?" You heard Tai's voice from a distance. "Lottie saw something. We're going to go see what it is. Come back, please."

With that, Natalie looked at you again, eyes full of hunger and want.

"Do this again later?"

[lihhelsing]

Final Part - Catfish Steddie

You can also read it on Ao3!

When Steve walks into his apartment after a long shift at the coffee shop, it takes him almost a full five minutes to notice there’s someone else in there with him. 

He’s been so tired lately he probably wouldn’t have noticed if the person, a petite strawberry blonde, hadn’t cleared her throat while looking at him. 

“Uh. Hello?” 

Had he walked into the wrong apartment? He couldn’t remember using his key but he’s pretty sure he did. 

“Hi,” the girl smiles as she places a Vogue Magazine on the coffee table. Steve looks around and he knows this coffee table. He knows this apartament. He’s definitely in the right place. 

Still doesn’t explain the girl. 

“Who are you?” 

She laughs as if he’s being funny but once she understands he’s serious, her smile falters a little. 

“Chrissy. I’m Robin’s -“

“Girlfriend. Yeah. She’s not here.” 

Chrissy nods. “I know. I’m here for you.” 

Either she’s going to murder him or try to convince him to forgive Robin and Steve’s not sure which one is worse right now. 

“Then you wasted your time. You can go now. Or stay, I don’t care.” 

Chrissy clicks her tongue. “Robin did a shitty thing.” 

“Yeah. You don’t say.” 

“She’s not a bad person, though.” 

Steve shrugs. “It doesn’t matter, does it? She still hurt people.” 

She hurt me is what Steve means. He doesn’t say it out loud but he has the feeling Chrissy sees right through him. 

“I was so mad when she told me. It was such a fucked up thing to do.” 

Steve nods, doesn’t see the point in expanding this conversation. 

“Look,” Chrissy says eventually. “She’s not a bad person, she just… sometimes she gets obsessed with things and she doesn’t know when it’s too much. This was too much. It was crazy and hurtful. I thought about… breaking up. But I know her and I know this was just a mistake.” 

Steve doesn’t know why Chrissy is saying all those things to him. He shrugs. Maybe if he doesn’t engage she will leave him alone. 

“I know it’s not good enough. But she’s really sorry.”

“Yeah.”

“She would love a chance to try and fix things.” 

Steve shakes his head. “No thanks. I asked her to leave me alone.” 

"Robin's not the best at boundaries if you haven't noticed," Chrissy says and it honestly annoys the hell out of Steve. He's pretty aware of his roommate's problems. He had been looking for another place to live ever since his talk with Robin but it seems luck isn't on his side, at least not with the budget he has right now. 

"Oh, I noticed it alright," Steve replies dryly but that also doesn't seem to faze Chrissy. "Like I said, the best she can do right now is leave me alone and not send her girlfriend to, what? Guilt trip me into forgiving her? Not happening."

Chrissy seems a little ashamed at that, but Steve doesn't care. He doesn't! The people pleaser inside of him is definitely not cringing at himself right now. 

"Listen. She did send me here, but all she wants is another chance at fixing things. She knows she fucked up bad but like I said, Robin's not a bad person. She was pretty nervous when you two first talked about this and she thinks she can explain herself better. I know it sounds like bullshit but I told her I would try to convince you to go talk to her and if you said no, we both would respect your decision."

Steve is about to say no. He wants to say no. He wants Robin to suffer for messing with his life and Eddie's and for fucking up something that could've been so good. But Eddie's not really answering his calls right now, Steve is about to flunk one of his classes because he's been so stressed about the whole thing. He's been stressing about getting a new place too, and finding a roommate that's not a total psycho and also someone who won't potentially try to sell his organs on the internet. He definitely needs a place that he can afford and for a second he considers it. 

And then, he has an idea. 

"Ok, I'll go."

Chrissy's whole face lightens up. She must really care about Robin to react like that just by Steve agreeing to go talk to her. He's not going to forgive her, just hear her out one more time because honestly? It can't get worse than it already is. 

"Really?"

"Yeah. But I have one condition."

"Of course, anything," Chrissy says, nodding enthusiastically. 

"I'll go and I'll hear her out. If she's just bullshitting me again, I get the apartment."

Chrissy frowns at him. "The apartment?"

"Yeah. I don't intend on keeping living with her but it's hard to find a place half decent that I can afford. And I can afford this and it's a pretty good place. So she'll keep paying her half until I find someone new to share. Then she'll be gone from my life."

Steve crosses his arms. Either way, he's going to win. He's going to get what he wants, no matter what, even if that's still not Eddie. Steve's been making peace with the fact that he's not going to get Eddie, after all. 

Chrissy nods even though she doesn't seem sure. 

"Shouldn't you check with Robin about this? I can wait."

She bites her lower lip but shakes her head. "No, it's fine. It's a deal."

Steve doesn't know exactly what to think but maybe Chrissy and Robin should work on their communication. 

x

Chrissy waits as Steve gets ready. He honestly didn't feel like changing but she said he should take a shower and relax just a bit, so he wouldn't be all defensive when it was time to talk to Robin. 

Steve sighs but he ends up agreeing because a nice, hot shower sounds good. His shift was proper hell today and he was looking forward to relaxing a bit, maybe watching something or even calling Dustin to catch up. 

When he's ready, Chrissy announces she will be driving them and Steve shrugs but accepts  anyway. He expects her to take him to her place or something so when she stops at a weird-looking parking lot Steve thinks maybe Chrissy is the one about to sell his organs on the internet. 

"Go on," she nudges him softly and Steve raises an eyebrow. "C'mon, it's not that bad."

"I should've known looking for roommates on Craigslist would have consequences," he says as a joke. Mostly. 

Chrissy chuckles. "It's not that bad."

It is that bad and she knows it. From what Steve can gather they are outside a dive bar in all its glory. Steve is not opposed to dive bars in general, but this was definitely not how he expected his Friday night to go. 

"Fine, I'm going, but just so you know my parents will come for you if something happens to me." 

"Robin says you don't talk to your parents," Chrissy grins at Steve and he shrugs.

"It was worth a shot," and then he's out of the car and into the quiet cold night. 

The bar isn't as bad as Steve imagined, even if it's called Hellfire. Not a very inviting name but then again, it's absolutely packed and Steve is kind of shocked. There are old-looking guys who Steve would bet have come to this same bar every day for the last twenty years and then some twenty-somethings grouped everywhere, with cheap-ass beers in their hands and loud voices. 

What surprises Steve the most is how both groups seem to get along pretty well, as long as they stay on their side of the bar. 

Steve takes a look around trying to see Robin's mess of mousy-brown hair but she's nowhere to be found. For a second he thinks maybe Chrissy tricked him for some reason but when his eyes inspect the place once again he finds what he was looking for. 

And it's not Robin. 

Eddie is sitting in a booth in the far corner of the bar, with no one around him. Steve might not be the brightest person on earth but in that same second, he understands Eddie is there to meet him, for some reason. 

He clenches his hands closed and walks toward him, trying not to think too hard about seeing Eddie again, otherwise he feels like he'd puke. 

"Hey," Steve says as soon as he's close enough and Eddie rips his eyes from his bottle to look at Steve. There are too many feelings there for Steve to figure out so he nods to the empty seat in front of him. "Mind if I join you?"

Eddie shakes his head and Steve thinks he looks adorable. 

"Interesting choice of place," Steve says to try and make things less awkward. 

Eddie laughs and the sound is delicious and Steve feels like he's winning, somehow. 

"I work here," Eddie admits, but he has a secret smile on his lips as if he knows exactly why Steve said what he said. As if they are connected in a way Steve had never felt with anyone else. 

As if a minute had passed since the last time they talked and not weeks. 

"Good to know," Steve says and he thinks he's flirting even though he should be apologizing but Eddie doesn't seem mad that he's flirting because he's flirting back. Or so Steve hopes he is. 

"Robin said it was a safe choice," Eddie says and Steve can feel her name souring his mood a little. "Sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned her."

Maybe Steve needs to get this over with. 

"It's ok. I just really needed to say I'm sorry again. I hate that you got caught up in something so awful and fucked up and I'm sorry I didn't try harder to explain myself and-"

"Stop."

Steve does because he's been rejected by Eddie once and he's afraid he's getting rejected again. He thinks - no, he knows - he wouldn't survive it. 

"Robin might've ambushed me at work and forced me to listen to her explanations and her weird apology."

Steve clicks his tongue. He rests one of his hands on top of the table and feels the pull towards Eddie. If this was any other date he would reach out and grab his hand but he's not even sure this is a date. 

"I'm sorry for that too. Chrissy told me she has a hard time understanding boundaries."

Eddie shrugs as if it doesn't matter. "Yeah, well. That was clear from the start."

At that, they both laugh and it feels so right it hurts. Steve had accepted the fact that he wouldn't get this, not with Eddie, and now. 

Now he might. 

"I'm really sorry, Eddie," Steve's not looking at him when he says it but then he feels a warm, calloused hand on his and he looks up. Eddie is smiling softly at him as if they were all alone in the whole world. 

"You don't need to apologize. Robin explained everything and she said you had nothing to do with it. I'm sorry my insecurities got the best of me. I should've let you explain yourself. I should've believed you."

Eddie's hand feels good around his and Steve moves until their fingers are intertwined. Eddie has a couple of tattoos on his fingers which contrast with Steve's blank ones in a way that feels absolutely right. 

"I'm still sorry. I hate that you got caught up in this," Steve answers easily. 

"Me too," Eddie says. His thumb starts drawing circles on Steve's hand. "But in a fucked up way it brought me to you, here. So maybe I don't hate it all that much."

Steve smiles. He doesn't hate it either. 

x

Talking to Eddie is as easy as the first day and Steve feels amazed by it. 

They keep their hands securely clasped together as they sip their beers and talk about everything. Steve tells Eddie about his talk with Robin right after he left and how angry and upset he was. Eddie tells him about his talk with Robin and how… Numb he felt. 

He explains he spent so much time thinking he had Steve all figured out that it was really hard for him to see he didn't. To see Steve was telling the truth and to see Steve, for some weird reason, really wanted Eddie. 

Steve feels his cheeks burning hot at that and his skin tingles in the places it meets Eddie's. 

After an hour they drift off to other subjects as if this is nothing more than a typical Friday night date for them. As if they are just picking up right where they left off. 

It's almost 3 in the morning when a shorter guy with curly hair approaches their table and announces it's the last round - and it's on the house. 

"Thanks, Gareth," Eddie says but he doesn't make eye contact with the guy. And the guy actually looks like he's glaring at Steve. 

Steve furrows his brows and Eddie squeezes his hand softly.

"It's complicated, he's just like, overprotective. I'll tell you all about it later."

Later. 

It gives Steve hope. 

x

Later looks like the empty alley behind the bar at almost 4 am. 

Not for any Gareth stuff, but for… Other stuff. 

Steve lets Eddie push him up against the wall and kiss him like the world is ending. 

Steve kisses him right back as if they could fix the world with it. 

Eddie feels warm and soft pressed against him and Steve can't contain the small sounds leaving his mouth. Eddie swallows every single one of them, hands finding their way underneath Steve's polo shirt.

Skin touching skin as Eddie's fingers explore him, squeezing and moving around, drawing circles that drive Steve crazy because he wants more. He wants more and more. Eddie lets his fingers brush on Steve's nipple and he can't help but moan, even if they are still in public. 

"Come home with me," Steve pleads, face buried in Eddie's neck as he drowns in his scent. Eddie smells warm and sweet and so good Steve wants to stay there forever. "Please, baby. Come home with me."

Eddie nods against his skin as his mouth nips at whatever he can find and Steve thinks he can come undone right here if Eddie keeps that up. He doesn't want to stop but he does it anyway because he also wants to take his time. 

He and Eddie never rushed into anything and they are not rushing into this. Eddie smiles that gorgeous smile of his and Steve feels like he could die right now and he would still be the happiest guy on earth. 

"Lead the way," Eddie whispers and Steve does, pulling him away from the wall before it's too late and he loses all his strength. He keeps their hands wrapped up together because he knows that's how it's supposed to be. 

He brings Eddie home again, and that tonight they take their time with each other. They talk and laugh and kiss and smile. They take pieces of clothing off and they spread their fingers everywhere. They touch and squeeze and scratch. 

They take each other apart knowing they won't ever be apart again. It's a silent promise in between kisses and laughter. It's a spoken promise when they are all sweaty and tangled up in each other, hands still clasped together, with no space in between their bodies. 

Eddie kisses him again and again and again and Steve feels like he's floating. 

Steve kisses him again and again and again and he hopes he gets to do it forever. 

x

They wake up to a buzzing sound that tells Steve someone is there but when he opens the door there's only this big breakfast basket. He doesn't need to open the note to know it comes from Robin (and Chrissy, he finds out later). 

There are all kinds of foods and a fancy sparkling wine that Eddie immediately opens and pours a glass saying you can only fight a hangover drinking more and Steve wants to drop everything and lock Eddie in his room with just the wine. 

There's also a key Steve recognizes as their front door key. He hums as he looks at it and Eddie pushes the wine in his hand as he grabs a piece of bread from the basket. 

"Are you going to forgive her, you think?"

His question isn't loaded with anything other than curiosity. Steve gets the feeling Eddie wouldn't judge him either way and still, he doesn't know the answer. He shrugs and feels Eddie hugging him from behind. 

"That's ok. There's no right answer here," Eddie says, placing kisses on his shoulder and neck as if he's chasing every single one of Steve's moles. Maybe he is. 

"I don't really know what to do," Steve admits it out loud. Eddie's hand feels so solid around his waist and he feels grounded for the first time in a long time. Maybe ever. 

"Her professor is getting his license revoked," Eddie says and Steve feels a strange satisfaction at that. "She's getting suspended and is probably going to lose the whole semester."

Steve doesn't know if it's too much or not enough. There are too many feelings inside his chest right now. 

"I'm just saying. It's not only up to you to punish her. And you should, you know. Punish her. However you want. Just don't punish yourself in the process, ok?"

Steve's not sure what this means but he knows he's going to figure it out. Robin already gave up the apartment and she's getting held back in school, and Eddie is here and maybe Steve believes nothing else matters right now. 

"You're too smart for your own good," Steve says as he turns in Eddie's arms and finds his mouth so he can kiss him again. 

He tastes like sparks flying and Steve kisses him like he could love him. 

Eddie kisses him back as if he already loves him. 

For now, it feels like enough. 

Previous | Read it on Ao3 and leave kudos!

[fangirltothefullest]

fascinating can you do janus since you talked about him?

*cracks knuckles* Absolutely!

Janus is deception, deceit in it's finest- a smooth-talking person who keeps everything close to his chest. In canon his outfit hides everything but his face- which are covered in scales, making it easy to overlook everything else when that's distracting enough. BUT! He's also way kinder than people give him credit for and his goals align with wanting to protect and keep them all safe and happy too.

Janus gives me SO many fun vibes, but to me it boils down to "immaculate presentation hiding frustrated only-sort-of-reformed-villain that wants you to treat yourself to extravagant things because you deserve it". He wants to be a good guy but it feels like it's his nature to be a manipulative shit. He is a femme fatale, a bond villain, a sassy aunt who talks shit about everyone, strange caregiver, and aesthetically he is a diva.

Inspiration 1: That video of the guy who is a good guy talking like a villain

His outfit in the series screams villain but he's CONSTANTLY trying to make good reasonable points so this has to be a good place to think about it first.

Inspiration 2: Femme Fatale

Classy and refined, Femme Fatales use their looks and words and charms to get what they want, often at the cost of other people. Janus ultimately is a femme fatale in that he is trying to get what he wants and he tends to be smooth about it (this breaks sometimes but for the most part).

When thinking about Janus, seductive is a word that works well for him. He leans into that enticing seduction. Don't you want this? Don't you want to be like this or do this? Wouldn't it be so nice to be convinced~? While Roman is an effeminate romantic side, Janus is the one not afraid to wear the dresses and be the diva. Honestly he and Roman would be so good together flaunting dramatic diva takes if they could get past their bullshit.

Inspiration 3: Spy movies and heist movies

Janus dresses in a hat and gloves like he doesn't want to get his hands dirty. Spy movies have such a mysterious and enticing feel to them. To me deception isn't just about lying, it's about convincing people that lies are true for the purpose of achieving something. Obtaining something, changing something, doesn't matter which, spies and Janus go hand in hand in my brain. Likewise, heist movies are all about precision and timing and the perfect culmination of a plan coming together. Ultimately this is what Janus WANTS to emulate. What I think he would WANT to be. Convincing and suave and charming about it. Does he come across this way? Not 100% but it's a good place to look.

Inspiration 4: Lion King

(bottom image source: FantaTara )

Back again with Lion King, but you can't think about Thomas's sides without thinking about Disney. One Disney Villain comes to mind when I think about Janus, and surprisingly it's not Jafar, it is instead Scar. A lion who didn't get the recognition he craved, a lion whose plotting and scheming got him very far. Mark on his face? Check! Smooth-talking? Check! He is more about wits and words than strength and Janus is just like that.

So we have a person who is suave and cunning, talks a big talk, villain-coded, selfish, scheming and wants to help but uses dirty tactics to do so if he has to, all while wearing a very put together outfit.

Inspiration 5: Decadent parties and backroom poker

If Janus has a vice it is partying in excess and living his best life without a care for the consequences other people experience. Old fashioned cocktail parties, wine and booze, illicit backroom poker games and rigged playing cards, gossiping while he drinks his 16th cocktail and yet hiding himself behind a facade of totally having it together.

Inspiration 6: Chess

Janus is always playing a game, and it's a game of wits for everyone he is around. Every word he says and everything he does feels like a plotted out game and everyone else is a player.

Inspiration 8: Biblical stuff

Can't get rid of the biblical iconography with the snake man, but I chose less to look at the snake as "bad evil horrible sinful" and chose instead to look for images I could use to inspire me the opposite way.... angelic figures tending to or being kind with snakes because ultimately a snake granting knowledge isn't necessarily a bad thing to every belief system, so perhaps that vice-chasing isn't so much evil as selfishness is also not evil. A dichotomy that reflects in his scales- they continue down his entire body on that half. They should always be a prominent feature highlighted by the under eye redness. He is not fully human and that should be shown.

Things that became a must for me:

Keeping him fully clothes most of the time. This also gives into the "snakes are cold" vibes.

Must remain sleek and elegant

If he must show skin, the scales have to be shown off

Adding extra features to his outfit- splashes of yellow that remain refined and potentially softer things thrown in to look less threatening under all the outer presentation layers. Even AUs should do this.

Jewelry or accessories must be sleek and minimalist to be less distracting, but overall can be expensive. Hats are allowed to be big but will always slant and will not be too decorated.

Janus must have expressions of suave mystery, enticing allure, or like he's judging your outfit choice.

Hair is not as fluffy or as wavy- simpler and less distracting and cover his human eye because it's not as important.

Often depict him without his hat when trying to make him more approachable- the hat feels like him hiding more. Likewise do the opposite- often depict him cut off in some way to highlight the snake aesthetic and make him seem more mysterious.

So I ended up with this:

[supernova-stardust]

A Tender Thing

an ongoing jegulus long fix if fic set during the first wizarding war, non canon compliant, with prominent wolfstar. also featuring background rosekiller, pandalily, dorlene, and emmary. updates 2-4x monthly. 18+!! explicit content.

chapters 1-10 on ao3 total word count: 44,954

chapter 2 after the break, word count: 4,435

Dorcas makes her way back through the garden, avoiding the couples making out amongst the shrubbery. She’d really rather not have to explain to Walburga that she caught Rabastan making out with Crabbe, so avoiding the interaction altogether is ideal, to say the least.

She enters the parlor, scanning the room as subtly as possible. Hopefully no one even noticed that she slipped away as soon as she noticed Sirius. Honestly, what were they even thinking coming here? Grimmauld Place is probably one of the most dangerous places for Sirius to be, let alone during a party where every witch and wizard who has pledged themselves to the Dark Lord has gathered for the evening. Noticing that Evan and Barty are still near the furthest wall, she makes her way through the crowd to them.

“Hey,” Evan beams at her. “Isn’t this party just the best? I mean, the groom-to-be is simply eating up all this attention.” He gives her a pointed look, clearly expecting her to know where Regulus has disappeared to. They all know that Regulus would rather drown than be the center of attention at a party like this, but usually he’d at least uphold his polite duties and greet their guests. Dorcas glances around and notices that Narcissa is beaming, Walburga at her side.

“I have no idea where he went, but I’m sure he’ll show up soon. We did drink a little before this, he probably just needed a moment to regroup. You know how he gets.”

“This is all such bullshit anyway,” Barty laments. “It’s no wonder he snuck away the moment he could. I’m looking for the next opportunity myself. This shit is so fucking boring.”

“Listen,” Evan sounds exhausted as he soothes Barty, rubbing his hand up his arm and clasping his bicep. “You’re the one who wanted to join the Death Eaters, you brought this upon yourself.” Evan’s voice drops down to a whisper, “I tried to convince you not to take the Mark.”

“Yeah, well I didn’t think it would include shit like this. I thought it would be more fighting for our lives, action adventure vibes, not hoity-toity parties and playing dress up.” Barty clearly looks put off. To anyone outside of their friend group, they’d be appalled by Barty’s attitude, but they both know that this is just a cover for his real feelings. He’s been regretting signing his life away for a while now, even if he did it because he loves Evan dearly. The only person who ever understood Barty fully was Evan; where he goes, Barty goes. To the ends of the earth or with a mark on his arm.

“Look,” Dorcas snaps in their faces to regain their attention. “I don’t know where Regulus went, but if anyone comes looking for him we need to distract them. Put on your best smiles, be polite, and avoid any firm answers. I’m going to go look for him, if any of us can find him it’ll be me.”

She waits for them both to nod and acknowledge the plan, watching as they head into the crowd. She has to find Regulus before Walburga notices he’s gone.

***

“What the fuck are you doing?” Regulus spits at him, dilated eyes frantically scanning his face. James glances down at their joined hands and feels his cheeks heat. He can’t believe he grabbed Regulus’ hand and he’s not dead yet. Suddenly he has some semblance of self preservation and drops Regulus’ hand, looking around the space they’ve claimed as their own.

“I honestly have no idea,” James says. Reaching up, he removes the mask covering his face as he turns around to really look at Regulus. It’s like he’s never really looked at him before. To be fair, it has been nearly ten years since they’ve been near one another, but Godric. Regulus has grown to be one of the most beautiful people he’s ever laid eyes on. All sharp edges and elegance. James would do anything to get close to him, even if it means he bleeds.

James always knew that gender didn’t particularly matter for him in terms of attraction, he simply appreciates beauty and all things beautiful. The world that he was raised in hates people for being queer, but really, when the world he knew has become loyal to a dark wizard hellbent on killing anyone who isn’t a pureblood, are those the standards we should be going by? James thinks not. But he’s never really felt anything towards a man before this very moment. He’s never really felt much for anyone, if he’s honest. Sure, there was Lily back when they were teens, but that ship has sailed. He tried to kiss her once and she looked at him and laughed, clasped her palm on his cheek, and told him that he was cute but she only liked girls.

That’s not to say he hasn’t had his handful of trysts. Whenever they go out for drinks in muggle London, James always ends up hooking up with someone, never remembering their name or really anything other than the fact that they were pretty.

Regulus isn’t just pretty though, he’s devastatingly beautiful. This feels different from simple attraction; that he knows he could handle. Sirius is going to kill him for this, but the more he thinks about it the less he cares. Maybe James could convince Regulus to come back with him, maybe then Sirius wouldn’t be so mad at him.

“I know I shouldn’t have come here in the first place, but Sirius–” James starts.

“You should have told Sirius he doesn’t belong here, James!” Regulus hisses, pacing around the space and gradually looking more like a caged animal.

“Why doesn’t he? You’re his brother, Regulus! I know he won’t admit it, but he misses you,” James says. Sirius never talks about his brother, it became a banned conversation after that first night he moved in with the Potters, but James knows Sirius as well as the palm of his own hand. Sirius would do anything to have Regulus back in his life.

“He’s not mine anymore, James,” Regulus bites back. “He decided not to be my brother, not the other way around. This conversation is over, you need to leave.” Stopping his pacing in front of James, he lifts both arms to shove at his chest. James clasps his hands over his wrists, pulling Regulus close and making him stumble into his body. Their chests collide and James hears a sharp intake of breath. They’ve never been this close before and James thinks that they should never be further apart again.

“James,” Regulus whispers so softly he can barely hear it. “What are you doing?” He’s not pulling away or fighting this, he’s not telling him no.

“I’m going to kiss you,” James whispers just as sweetly, waiting for him to say no. Regulus looks up at him with wide eyes, a soft blush dusting his cheeks, his lips slightly parted. He doesn’t say no.

James dips his face down, catching Regulus’ lips in his. The first kiss is soft, tender and timid. He stays as still as he can, nervous to scare Regulus away, keeping his hands to himself. Then Regulus opens his mouth for him and at the first sweep of his tongue, James is ravenous. They kiss like they’ve been starved for each other their entire lives. He thinks that this is what he was made for, kissing and holding Regulus Black is his life’s calling.

James releases his wrists and buries a hand into Regulus’ dark curls, wrapping his other arm around his back and pulling him as close as possible. Their kisses grow more and more hungry and needy, Regulus’ hands wrap around him and grab at his clothes, roving over his body. James never wants this to end.

And then it does, just as suddenly as it began. Regulus is pushing away at him and brushing his hands through those beautiful curls that James just had his fingers in, erasing any evidence that he was there. His lips are rosy from their kisses and they’re both breathing heavily. “You need to leave.”

Oh.

Oh.

Regulus was never going to allow this to happen, was he?

“Just tell me why,” James’ voice cracks in despair. He can feel his eyes brimming with tears, but he refuses to cry right now. Not until he knows for sure that Regulus never wants to see him again.

“Why what?” Regulus sounds so small and James can see that he’s mentally shutting himself down, refusing to allow himself to feel anything. It’s that fact alone that gives him hope. He knows that Regulus felt just as much as he did in those kisses, even if he won’t admit it right now.

“Why did you let me kiss you,” he pushes.

“Because I had always wanted to know what it felt like,” Regulus murmurs as he begins slowly backing away.

James stops himself from following. “What do you mean,” he asks gently, not wanting to scare him off until he gets his answer.

“I always wanted to know what it felt like to be kissed by the sun.”

He slips away through the branches of the willow tree into the night leaving James to contemplate how he really might have just fallen in love with Regulus Black.

***

Regulus is walking as fast as he can through the gardens, refusing to allow himself to look back at that willow tree where his entire life changed. He can’t believe he actually kissed James Potter.

Fuck.

This changes everything and nothing.

He can’t allow himself to think about the implications of James kissing him, if he does he’ll fall apart at this damn party. Just a couple more hours, then he can dissolve into a puddle of tears in the privacy of his bedroom. He nestles himself on the ground between some shrubs and does his breathing exercises, counting in and out for five. For a moment it works and then he’s thinking about Sirius and James and how much danger they’ll all be in if this goes to shit.

No, Regulus has to keep himself composed so that no one suspects a single thing. He’s already screwed up enough for one lifetime, there’s no room for any more mistakes.

It’s hard to know where his first mistake happened, all he knows is that it was a series of terrible events happening one after the other while he was powerless to stop any of it. Sirius left and he didn’t follow, couldn’t because of the spell Walburga had on him. But even if his body wasn’t spelled to kill his own brother, would he have left with him? He honestly can’t answer that question and that scares him the most. Nothing good happened after that night. He took the Dark Mark, binding his life to the Dark Lord’s, and vowed to himself that he would do everything he could to defeat him. By being close to him and all of his servants, he believed that would be enough to learn his secrets and destroy him. Naivety, at best.

Voldemort doesn’t share anything with anyone. Lies and half truths and orders with no context is the most information Regulus has ascertained in all these years. Besides the Horcrux.

The fucking Horcrux.

If the Horcrux didn’t exist then Regulus can guarantee he wouldn’t still be stuck here right now, miserable, marrying his cousin, and wishing that he could be marrying James Potter instead. Wait, he might be crazy. Slow down, all he did was kiss you, that doesn’t mean he wants to fucking marry you.

But they can’t get married because the Horcrux exists and Regulus can’t figure out how to destroy it undetected. Regulus can’t figure out if there’s more of them either, and if Voldemort can sense that one of them has been destroyed, figuring out if there are any more is going to be even more difficult than it has been the last few years. He has a gut feeling that if there’s one, there’s others. One doesn’t become that disfigured and revolting without fracturing your soul into many pieces.

Regulus is fucked.

At least when James existed as a concept in his diaries instead of as someone who seems to actually want him back it was a lot easier for Regulus to pretend that he didn’t exist and he could continue wasting his life away, waiting for the day he would finally figure out how to defeat Voldemort. Now he has to return to this farce of a party and pretend to be overjoyed about marrying his cousin.

He can’t stand the idea of leaving James alone under that willow tree either, but he knows that if he hadn’t been the stronger person and left, they would have been caught. At least now James has a moment to compose himself and sneak out undetected.

Regulus breathes, counting in and out for five a few more times in an effort to build up his emotional walls before he can carry on the charade.

“There you are!”

Regulus nearly jumps from his skin at the sound of Dorcas’ voice, not expecting anyone to find him crouched between some shrubs practically hyperventilating. So much for breathing exercises, he supposes.

“Here I am,” he sighs. He knows he looks a mess and he’ll trust Dorcas to tell him so. She does, crouching down to his level and fussing with his hair, running her cool fingers over his cheeks to try and calm the flush there.

“You’ll tell me what happened,” she starts. He barely opens his mouth to object before she continues. “After you make your appearances. It’s been too long, people are getting suspicious. Narcissa has been a dream, as I’m sure you’ve been relying on.” Dorcas stands on her feet and stretches her hand out for him to grab as he rises. She helps him brush the dirt and dead leaves off his robes and they head back into the parlor together.

The rest of the party is a blur of polite niceties that Regulus truly doesn’t care to remember. After a few more hours, he says his goodbyes and retreats to his bedroom, giving Dorcas a glance as he goes that she only understands from years of breaking rules together.

***

Dorcas swipes a bottle of whiskey from the bar as she makes her way up to Regulus’ room. When she went looking for him earlier, she didn’t expect to find him quite so sad. She knows something happened beyond the marriage finally setting in and so they’ll need alcohol.

Weaving down the hallways that she’s always found quite creepy, she arrives at his door, lightly knocks with one knuckle, and lets herself in. Regulus is pacing. Honestly, she’s surprised there isn’t a path in the hardwood floor from how often he’s paced in the last few years, but he seems even more stressed than usual in the speed he’s pacing.

“What happ–”

“He kissed me,” Regulus interrupts before she can finish her question. Well, that’s not the answer she was expecting. “Who?”

“James fucking Potter, Dorcas. Him and Sirius and their stupid friends came here tonight,” he pauses, looking at her with fear and agony and something she can’t quite place. Dorcas knows right now that she has to let him work through his emotions before he’ll continue, so she waits patiently as he collects himself. He looks so small as he worries at his lip and breathes for a few moments before continuing.

And he tells her all about how James was alone by the time he went outside to tell them all to leave. How James grabbed his hand and kissed him under the willow tree. And how Regulus pushed him away, telling him to leave. “I’ve had a crush on him since I first met him, Dorcas.”

This breaks Dorcas from her self imposed ‘listen but do not react’ rule. “Why didn’t you ever tell me? I told you all about every cringey crush I had growing up! You even knew about Mulciber, Reg.”

“Is this really what you want to focus on right now? Mulciber?”

“Oh fuck off, you know that’s not what it’s about,” Dorcas groans. “I just didn’t think we still kept things from each other, y’know? I don’t keep anything from you.”

“Dorcas, there’s so many things that I can’t tell you,” he murmurs, avoiding her eyes. She unscrews the cap to the bottle of whiskey and takes a long drink. When she’s done she holds the bottle out to him as an offering.

“You can tell me, you know. I’m not as fragile as you pretend I am,” she gives him a knowing smirk. Regulus has always protected her and she knows it, even if he’ll never admit it. That’s just his way, suffer in silence and protect the people he loves at all costs, even at a detriment to himself.

“Dorcas,” Regulus takes a deep breath and a long sip. He casts a silencing charm around them before he says his next words. “What do you know about Horcruxes?”

“Reg, don’t tell me you’re considering making one. I know that–”

“Not me, fuck, never me. The Black’s practice dark magic, but I’d never dream of that.”

“Okay, so who?” Regulus just stares at her. He takes another drink, much longer than the one before, passes the bottle back to her and crosses his room. He crouches on the floor and she can hear him fussing with a loose floorboard. When he rises again, he’s carrying a necklace in his hands, the pendant shining softly in the dim light of his room.

As he approaches, she can feel the dark magic radiating off the necklace and sips more whiskey to give her some courage. “Reg, please tell me that’s not a very dark and very powerful wizard who has our lives in the palm of his hands’ Horcrux that you’re holding right now and hiding under a floorboard.”

“Okay, I won’t,” Regulus says dryly. “Or, you could tell me what you do know about Horcruxes and I can tell you what I know and you can help me.”

Dorcas honestly doesn’t know if Regulus has ever willingly allowed her to play a part in his plans and maybe this is just because they’ve finally reached an age where their brains have finally fully developed, but she’s relieved by the change in his attitude. She knows this is a precious and gentle gift that he’s given her and she refuses to squander it.

“Not much, just the whole division of the soul bit.”

“Do you know how to destroy them,” he asks with trepidation.

“No, they didn’t exactly cover dark magic in Hogwarts.”

“Neither do I,” he says as he slowly lets the necklace drop from one hand to another, the chain making a soft metallic noise. “I’ve had this since seventh year.”

“I’m sorry– What?”

“Dorcas, I’ve been so afraid,” he whispers. “I just wanted to keep everyone safe, and I have, but everyone is going to die if we don’t figure this out and I don’t think I can do it alone anymore.” He crosses the room to put the locket away and sits on the edge of his bed, holding his hand out in a silent request for more alcohol. She sits next to him as she hands him the bottle. They remain this way for a few more minutes, silently passing the bottle back and forth.

“Okay, so he hasn’t figured out that the Horcrux has been missing this entire time? Where did you even find this?”

“That’s the thing, you remember how I was as a teenager,” he laughs. “I had to make sure that if he found out it was gone, that he knew it was me. I wanted the credit, you know. I just didn’t have the foresight to imagine not being able to destroy it.”

“Reg,” she breathes. “What did you do?”

“I left a note inside a replica, even signed off R.A.B. for good measure.”

“What the fuck?”

“I know,” he sighs as he flops backwards onto the bed. His hair fans out around him and he looks absolutely exhausted. Now she understands, if this is what’s been looming over him all these years.

“Okay, so we figure out how to destroy the Horcruxes. No big deal,” she says as she flops back to join him in staring at the ceiling. “I’ll scour the Meadowes family library tomorrow, there’s got to be something in there that you just haven’t had access to.”

“You can’t tell anyone.” He turns his head to look at her. “Not even Evan or Barty. I shouldn’t have told you, this puts you in so much danger. If Voldemort even suspects that you know anything, he’ll rip his way right into your mind and steal every thought you’ve ever had about him. You’ll have to practice your Occlumency and in the meantime, pass any books that you think may have information directly to me without reading them. I can filter the information myself.”

“We’ll get through this Reg.”

“I hope you’re right.”

Dorcas stays late into the night, the two of them deciding to switch to lighter topics such as how beautiful James looked tonight, rather than focusing on things they can’t change right now. She heads home long after Grimmauld Place has emptied of other guests. She doesn’t ever feel up to telling Regulus that she spoke to his brother today. She promises to herself that she will another day, but she has a feeling that knowing how close he came to interacting with Sirius might hurt him too deeply to cope tonight. When Dorcas’ head finally hits her pillow, she finds her mind wandering to a beautiful woman with golden hair and wild eyes.

***

Remus guides Sirius through the door to their flat, wrapping his arm around his waist. Sirius hasn’t said a word the entire time they walked home. Walked, because Sirius clearly needed the time to process what had happened and they both needed the fresh cold air to sober themselves up. Between the two of them, they smoked a whole pack of cigarettes, and Remus is honestly wishing he had stopped by the shop to grab more before they made their way here.

They make their way inside and finally, Sirius breaks the silence with a gut wrenching sob. Remus folds Sirius into his body, wrapping his arms around him and rubbing his back. His shirt soaks up Sirius’ tears and he hums a soothing melody. They remain like this for a minute or an eternity, Remus isn’t sure, until Sirius finally looks up. Remus wipes away the tears staining his face with his thumbs and gently brushes his hair from his face.

“Love,” Remus says, breaking the silence. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Sirius shakes his head, closing his eyes. “No. Yes? Oh, I don’t know.”

“It’s okay not to know how you feel.”

“I just don’t know why he wouldn’t come with me that day. I thought I had gotten past that, but being there, in that place, seeing him? It put me right back to the day I left, Moony. All I could think about was his face when I asked him to leave and he said no. He looked horrified, I’m pretty sure he was scared, but I don’t know why he’d choose them and not me. We always chose each other, why couldn’t he have picked me when it really mattered?”

“I don’t know, Pads. It’s not fair for either of you. I can’t imagine the hurt you’ve been carrying all these years.”

Sirius’ body wracks with sobs again, curling back into Remus. They stay this way for a long time before Remus finally guides him to their bedroom. Remus sits Sirius down on the edge of the bed and helps him strip down to his boxers, throwing the discarded clothes on the floor to be dealt with later. Sirius continues to cry softly as Remus gently tucks him into bed and then chucks his own clothes off onto the floor in the same manner. He pulls the blankets back to wrap his body around Sirius’ and settles into bed.

“Moony?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Pads. I’ll always choose you.”

***

James’ mind's going a mile a minute by the time he makes his way back into his bedroom at Potter Manor. He kissed Regulus Black. Like, for real. He didn’t just hallucinate it. And Godric, it was the best kiss of his life. He jumps onto his bed, bouncing on his back and kicks his feet in the air for a few moments. He’s so giddy, he feels like he could fly.

He doesn’t know what to do next though. Regulus pushed him away, which should discourage him. I mean, Regulus is literally a part of one of the most loyal families to Voldemort, that alone should be enough to tell him this is all a terrible, awful idea. But what if he could convince him to leave? Sirius couldn’t when they were teens, but has enough time passed that Regulus could be open to reconsidering his position in the war? Can he even reconsider his position now that he’s taken the Dark Mark? James isn’t sure, but he’s willing to try anything to convince Regulus to leave.

Then he has a pathetic thought. What if Regulus just wanted to kiss him to see what it was like? What if he didn’t like kissing James? No, those kisses were electric. There’s no way he didn’t enjoy himself as much as James did. Is there? What makes James think that just a few kisses in the dark will convince Regulus to leave everything he knows and join him in the fight against Voldemort anyway? He’s getting carried away. He has to see him again.

Now that he knows how to enter the gardens through the back, he needs to go and see Regulus again this week. They just need to have a proper talk about their feelings and then he’ll know where they stand. Yeah, they’re both adults, they can do that. He doesn’t know what room is Regulus’, but hopefully it’ll be easy enough to figure out from outside.

Okay, he has a game plan. Sneak back to Grimmauld Place, knock on Regulus’ window, and tell him he’s wild about him and please, please, please run away with me. What could go wrong?

[sage-lights]

spinning out, waiting for you to pull me in

word count: 587 title from: "satellite" by harry styles i think it's literally been 4 years since i wrote fanfic but! i woke up with such bad amangela brain rot this morning that the thought of them is actually making me ill right now. i wrote this ficlet at 8am in class on the doc i use for taking notes, so it's not my best writing...yeah! hope you enjoy it!

“Hey,” Amanda's voice quivers. She physically can't look Angela in the eyes when she greets her. Fuck, this shouldn’t be happening right now. The day has barely started and Amanda already feels like running away from everyone.

Angela looks at her skeptically, “I would say ‘Good morning,’ but you look like yours has been pretty terrible already. Everything okay?”

Amanda collects herself enough to muster a sort-of smile and shrugs. She watches as Angela furrows her brows, contemplating something. Before Amanda can insist that it’s no big deal, she feels herself getting tugged towards the back of the office and led between the costume racks.

“Spill. What’s up with you?”

“It’s nothing, honestly,” God, Amanda feels like she’s a teenager again. It’s stupid that she’s this upset about it.

Angela scoffs and rolls her eyes, “Oh, come on, Amanda. Don’t give me that bullshit. We both know something is wrong,” her tone softens once she sees Amanda’s eyes start to become glassy, “It’s not stupid to be upset.”

She laughs a little, “How did you know that’s what I was thinking?”

“Because I know you. And I’ve never seen you like this before.”

“I appreciate you checking in, Ang,” Amanda sighs, “But I really shouldn’t be getting into it at work.”

“I know we’re coworkers, but we’re friends too, right? It’s fine if you really don’t want to talk about it, but I’m here for you,” she grabs Amanda’s hands and gives them a gentle squeeze. That simple gesture was enough to break down the final brick of Amanda's wall, and suddenly, everything came spilling out.

Two nights ago, she had gotten a call from Ian telling her that she didn’t need to come in for work the next morning, which Angela already knew, seeing as she was the one filling in for Amanda yesterday.

What Angela didn’t know, however, was how Amanda’s jaw tightened when she saw the close friends stories of her coworkers, her friends, having fun while she wasn't there. How she had to stop herself from spiraling as she rewatched the videos over and over again. How disappointed she felt in herself for letting this affect her.

Angela lets go of her hands. Amanda’s heart drops for a moment, thinking that she’s overstepped boundaries and came off immature, until she feels Angela hug her.

“We missed you too, you know?” Angela leans away slightly to look up at Amanda, arms remaining around her waist.

"I hate that I'm feeling this way. It feels so high school of me to be sad about my friends hanging out without me. And it's not even like you all planned to see each other! This is our job and," Amanda bites her lip, hesitant to admit, "I guess the kid in me remembers what it was like to get excluded from things. For the longest time, I was convinced it was a me problem. Maybe I never got over that."

"I get it, but you're right. It's a job where none of us have control over who's scheduled on any given day. It's not just a regular hang out between friends. Because if it was, I want you to believe me when I say we'd want you around every single time."

This time, Amanda is the one that pulls Angela into an embrace, "What would I do without you, Angela?"

"Probably cry alone in the gender-neutral bathroom." Angela laughs.

Amanda has to admit, Smosh is a pretty sweet gig. After all, it brought Angela into her life.

[ranbling]

Why do I think Tommy is only using Buck as an in to the 118:

I don't think the show would bring up his jealousy over the fact that the 118 is a family multiple times if it wasn't some kind of fireshadowing

This is not a reason, but the "you know he can have more than one friend?" comment is just so damn condescending

Tommy saying "I was super jealous [...] over all of you, the 118, how it became like a family over there. I mean how you all willing to put everything on the line for one another, I wanted to be a part of that" is a pretty big sign, it kinda implies that he would have had that, had he stayed with the 118 (altough I don't think so, i think there is too much bad history between Hen, Chim and Tommy to ever achive that and him staying wouldn't have changed that fact)

After the whole cruise ship rescue, Tommy doesn't reach out to Chim or Hen to hang out again, but to Eddie. Eddie who is perhaps the most similar to him (and notice except for being in the army and liking MMA, those characteristics of Eddie has never been mentioned before) and Tommy goes out his way to make Eddie his friend (because lets be honest, you don't get front row tickets for a sold out show and fly someone over to Vegas in a helicopter if you don't have some kind of hidden agenda) and shows no real interest in Buck during the tour of the helicopter station.

And then at Buck's loft he totally changes his behaviour after Buck tells him, he's been trying to get Tommy's attention (which I still think is total bullshit btw, why were you flexing for Eddie in the station then??), and shuts him up with a kiss (and don't start me on a rant how much I hate that trope!! I don't find it cute, especially not when its obvious its only a way to shut someone up, minirant over).

Also I just want to mention, he totally inserts himself into a situation that he doesn't really know much about, he acts like he understands every little nuance in the relationship between Buck and Eddie and he does not. This episode also wrote Eddie (and everyone) ooc, because you want me to believe Eddie would give out Buck's address to someone he known for a week??? I don't think so

He's ready to leave Buck after the smallest problem during their date (Tommy knew Buck wasn't out to anyone when he asked him to one, no need to act suprised Buck is not ready to come out in the middle of the restaurant) and has no intention of starting over, right until Buck invites him to the wedding which is a new way to get closer to the 118

Then Tommy is at the bachelor party and he shows that he has no intention of being there, he acts totally bored and not even trying to make Buck happy (yes, I am talking about not dressing up in any capacity), and says he's here because he's Chimney's friend. But is he? We know that after he left the 118, where he worked like a decade or more together with Chimney, the only time they talked was when Chimney asked for his assistance (in the episode about Red, Chimney says he's not in touch with anyone from the old 118 and that was the ONLY time he talked with Tommy) which is not really something that screams we're friends

He shows up at the hospital, yes, but its also an opportunity to show the 118 how he's there. Its also a pretty interesting choice from the writers, making him to be on call

Also, neither Hen or Chimney mention how Tommy tried to reconnect with them after the rescue, which is interesting as they're the ones who actually have a relationship with him. He only wanted to be friends with Eddie and Buck, two members of the team who had no idea what kind of people Tommy was in the past. Both Eddie and Buck trust him easier and you can see how Buck is soo convinced that Chim is Tommy's friend that he invited Tommy to the bachelor party

Do I think Tommy is working with the councilwoman? No, but honestly it wouldn't be that much of a stretch. Councilwoman Ortiz probably kept tabs on Hen since the accident, and knew who was the one assisting with the helicopter and Tommy is a really weak link. Gerrard being back at the 118 does not concern him, and he can give the councilwoman private information from the 118

I only think that he wants to get into the inner circle and secure himself a position where people would choose him over Buck when they break-up. The last episode showed how Tommy doesn't understand the bonds in the 118, so I'm kinda curious how it will work out

[lauriegraham01]

girl next door

pairings: ethan morgan x vampire!reader, sarah x reader (platonic), gn!reader

summary: after spending more time with ethan, reader wonders if what she feels for him pushes the boundaries of friendship. fluff/kissing, idiots in love. set in summer break during college.

wc: 2,432

a/n: i'll create a masterlist once i've published 5-10 fics seeing as this is a multifandom acc, hope u enjoy this is my longest fic to date. mbav has always been a comfort show of mine and i love ethan <3

Summer vacation had brought winds of change in Whitechapel. After an eventful year together of dealing with the supernatural, we hoped for the chance to unwind a summer away from monsters and college.

You and Sarah had got a job as servers at the local diner and were so excited to be working together. Sometimes after your shift you'd go out to find a bite, hoping to find something that could satisfy your appetites. Afterwards, the whole gang would get together and find something to do for that day. However, most days you'd swing by Ethan's place after work hoping to spend more quality time with him one-on-one. He'd been working as a counselor at the local science camp and you'd help him make up activities to do with the children the following day. Other days the two of you would waste the afternoon away at the pool or on his couch with movie marathons. You'd leave his place around dinnertime, not wanting to seem rude for not having an appetite for Mrs. Morgan's cooking, and you'd walk back home. Later on in the night, the two of you would talk on the phone well into the night.

However, the two of you spending more time together didn't go unnoticed- especially by Sarah.

“Y’know I understand if you’re not ready to go public about you and Ethan but I mean c'mon. Y/n, c’mon, I'm your best friend you could’ve at least told me!”

Sarah had manage to bring up the topic as you told her about your plans to hangout with Ethan that night.

"Sarah, what are you even saying?” Letting out an amused laugh as you wipe down the counter that separated the two of you.

“Benny called me complaining about how he never gets to hang out with Ethan anymore ever since you and Ethan started going out or whatever."

"Oh that is so not- look Ethan and I aren't dating!"

"Look I don’t care that you’re dating Ethan, congratulations- but the fact that I had to hear it from Benny is seriously messed up.” Sarah huffed as she feigned a look of hurt.

“Sarah, Ethan and I are NOT dating. We just hang out a lot, that's all but that doesn’t mean we’re dating.”

“Uh-huh" Raising her eyebrows at me not even the slightest bit convinced.

“I swear!” You raise your arms defensively.

“Look, I knew it was only a matter of time and honestly I’m surprised it even took this long.” 

“What do you mean?” You shift your full attention to her, setting the towel in your hand down.

“What do I mean? Y/n I may be dead but I’m not dumb. Anyone with a brain can see that you and Ethan are totally in love with each other and have been for years.” She smiled knowingly at you.

“We are not in love with each other."

"Bullshit."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes! Remember how crushed Ethan was when you were dating that frat guy and how he was there to help you through that mess?"

"He was just being a good friend."

"He drove down to New York for the weekend just so that you wouldn't feel alone."

The two of you just stared at each other, the memories from that weekend replaying back in your mind. It had come as a surprise when Ethan knocked on you dorm door with a bag full of your favorite snacks in hand. He had heard from Sarah about your breakup and didn't tell anyone about the drive he made to you, not wanting to ruin the surprise. The two of you spent that weekend wasting away eating junk food and watching movies in your bed as he offered his full support in your emotional state.

“Look, I'm not sure he even likes me, Sarah. For all I know he just sees me as a really good friend and wants nothing more than a friendship. Plus I’m a vampire, who knows if he’ll even want to be with me considering that he’ll get older and move on in his life, but there’s only so much ‘growing’ I can do before I have to start over again. At the end of the day I’ll just be seventeen forever.”

Letting out a defeated sigh, Sarah looked at you with a blank stare, she understood where you were coming from, your fears reflecting much of her own. Despite her empathy, she was determined to not let you sabotage an opportunity at being happy.

“Y/N, I understand your fears. Trust me, no one gets it more than I do," reaching across the counter she places a sympathetic hand on top of yours. "but I know Ethan."

"He’s been in love with you since like the day he met you and I swear I've seen him fall in love with you more every day. I can't tell you that it'll be easy or uncomplicated but I do know that if I were you- I'd take the risk. Cause thinking about the 'what if's' are more tormentful than any rejection could be.” 

As her words sank in, flashes of some of the best memories between you and Ethan flashed into your mind. All the adventure spent fighting the supernatural together, movie marathons, high school dances, how much it hurt to move away for college, the holidays spent together, and the parties you've dragged him to. You loved every moment spent with him - both the mundane and the momentous. Maybe you had been denying your feelings for Ethan all these years, probably due to fear but what fun is life playing it safe? Whatever problems that would arise you would deal with them one at a time. The truth sank in heavily within you- it's been Ethan all along, and you were too blind to have seen that before.

Reaching over the counter, you catch Sarah off guard as you smush her into a bear hug.

"Thank you." You muffled into her hair. With that you untie your apron tossing it behind the counter as you grab your bag in a hurry.

“Call me tonight and tell me everything!” Sarah called out as you made your way out of the diner. The walk to Ethan's seemed to be eternal- thoughts racing with each step you took. The closer the view of his house appeared, the more your nerves consumed you. Letting a deep breath in, you let a shaky exhale before knocking on his front door.

“Coming!” You heard him shout from inside, his footsteps becoming echoing loudly as he raced down the stairs before hurriedly opening the door.

“Oh, hey y/n! I didn’t know you were coming by today, my folks just left so we have the house to ourselves if you wanna keep watching X-Men First Class.”

As he smiled back at you sort of breathless from running down the stairs, you tried to savor this moment, in case it was the last one you had of him from before things could change.

"Actually I was wondering if we could talk.”

His eyebrows furrowed at the question as he was caught off guard.

“Uh y-yeah sure c’mon in.” He stuttered, nerves beginning to settle within him from your serious manner.

As you make your way inside the house you make your way up to his room with Ethan right behind you. As he shuts the door to his bedroom he takes note of the way you pace back and forth across his room.

“So what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?” He said as he sat on the edge of his bed. You come to a halt in front of him and stare at him for a couple of seconds. He flashed a nervous smile and it dawned on you how off-putting this must be for him to see you so worked and not knowing why. You flash him a just as equally nervous smile before stepping over to his bed and sitting to where you were facing him.

“Ethan, we've been friends for a while now and recently we've been spending even more time with each other than usual. While I enjoy our time together, I’m afraid I haven’t been completely honest with you-” 

“Okay if this is about all the superhero movies we watch, we can watch something else. I'm totally fine with that." He blurts out cutting me off mid sentence.

"And we don’t have to keep building lego sets either if that’s what this is about.” He looked up at you with the most gleaming apologetic eyes ever which only made the nerves within your stomach intensify.

“No Ethan look-”

“We can do other things too. We can do cool things. We can take a road trip together out of town or go out clubbing more. Whatever it is y/n, I don't care I just wanna spend more time with you.”

“Ethan, I don’t care what it is that we do together!” I blurt out rather loudly taken both of us aback at how loud the statement came.

“Wait you don't?” Ethan's face scrunched in confusion.

“No Ethan! I don't give a shit what we do as long as we’re together because I don’t ever wanna stop seeing you because I like you!” The confession slips out of your mouth in one hurried breath and you catch your breath as you cautiously await Ethan's reaction.

Shock plagues Ethan before confusion settles deep within him. Surely you didn't just confess that you liked him? There must be some sort of mistake.

“Wait, you like me? Like, like me?”

“Yes you dumbass. I like like you." You rolled your eyes and smiled at how high-school the whole thing sounded.

“Ethan, you found me when I was going through my darkest times. You helped me find peace with being a vampire and getting over the pain that Jesse and every other guy in my life has caused me, and for that I will be eternally grateful for."

"Besides that you've been an amazing friend to me and I've always cherished our relationship but I can't help the way I've felt within these past few weeks. I know that there's a lot to think about, my immortality, me being so far away for college, long-distance, and I understand if these are issues but there things that we can work through." Looking up at him, you can practically see the gears turning within his head and you start to second guess if you made the right choice in confessing after all.

"I know it's a lot to take in and I understand if you need time and space to process everything that's not an issu-"

“I like you too.”

You bite your tongue as he interrupts you again, this time you being caught off guard by a sudden confession.

“You do?” Voice shaky as you look into his eyes with worry and reservation still boiling within you.

“Y-yea I’ve liked you since like forever…” He admits as he scratches the back of his neck, nervous habit.

“Y/n, I’ve liked you since the day Sarah introduced us but I was too…y’know…me to ever do anything about it." You laugh at how ridiculous he sounded.

"I'm serious! I mean there was no way in a million years a guy like me could ever get with someone like you. You’re way out of my league.” His voice lowers at the end in embarrassment.

“I still am but that doesn’t mean anything.” You joke feeling relieved when you see the corners of his mouth tug into a smile. He looks up at you before the two of you share a laugh together, and you felt the tension from between the two of you melt away. As you catch your breath you remain focused on him and deliberate on how to move on from here, still wanting answers.

“So what now Morgan?”

“Y/N, will you go out with me?” 

“Hmm I don’t know actually I’ll have to think about it- yes of course Ethan!” You shout as you lunged forward to hug him bringing the two of you onto the mattress with him pinned underneath you. Breaking into another fit of laughter, you pulled away to rest your forearms on either side of Ethan as he laid underneath you. 

“Hey Ethan?” You mused sweetly at him.

“Yes y/n?”

“Can I ask you to do me a favor?”

“Depends on what it is, if it’s to be your personal blood bank you’ve got to give me some time.” He teased with a smirk.

“No you idiot.” You shake your head with a smile. As you took in the sight of him beneath you, your eyes flickered between his lips and eyes and you smiled even wider as you caught him doing the same act. The air around you seemed to thicken as the beat of his racing heart echoed louder and louder within your ears. You can hear the way his blood rushed to his cheeks and despite the vulnerable position he was in, it wasn't his blood that you were craving.

“Kiss me.” You whisper looking pleadingly into his eyes as your breath fans over his face that was only inches apart.

Ethan slowly reached his hand forward to gently cup your cheek and you only leaned further into his touch. As he looked at your lips he looked up at you as if silently asking for reassurance that you wanted this. With a nod of your head, you heard his heart beat louder beneath you, beating so hard that you thought it would practically jump out of his chest- Ethan wouldn't be surprised if it did. He then closes the distance between you, capturing your lips into a soft kiss. You'd be lying if you said you never thought about what it would be like to kiss Ethan, the truth is he was a lot better than you had imagined. Your lips continued to move in sync as your hands crawled through his hair tugging slightly, earning a soft whine from him. Smiling into the kiss you made note of the sensitive spot for later.

Pulling away breathlessly, you laid your foreheads against him as you both caught your breaths.

“I could kiss you forever.”

“Well you’ve got a lot of catching up to do then.” You say before capturing his lips again into another kiss.

As Ethan snaked an arm around your waist, you melted within his touch. You felt safe within his embrace and you knew that you were home with him.

[thegreymoon]

The Story of Minglan

Bitch, you just tried to strangle your daughter. What maternal instinct?

And the only reason you took your son when you abandoned her was because you thought you could get more money for him.

***

OH MY GOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDD 🤬🤬

THIS REPULSIVE PETTY PIECE OF SHIT WASTE OF AIR!!

Seriously, I despise him more than Manniang!

My guy, quit while you're ahead! You lost the girl because you were spineless. Get over it and stop embarrassing yourself! 🤬🤬

***

LMAO, what else is he supposed to do?

Let's say it's been four or five years since Manniang ran off. This child was two at most at the time. He would be six or seven now. What are you talking about? That is still a whole baby!

I love (and by love, I mean hate) how disposable children are in this society unless they are sons anchoring their mother's position in their respective households.

***

Oh, shut the fuck up, you bitter, pathetic loser.

***

Drag him, Tingye!

I am so sick and tired of his bullshit.

***

NOOOO, BUT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, HE IS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!

OF COURSE, MINGLAN WAS SUPPOSED TO WAIT UNTIL RETIREMENT FOR HIM TO GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER AND SUFFER ALL KINDS OF INDIGNITIES IN THE MEANTIME!

HOW DARE SHE NOT BUILD A SHRINE TO HIS ESTEEMED PERSON AND PUT HER ENTIRE LIFE ON HOLD SO THAT HE CAN FEEL IMPORTANT?

With all that said, this actor is beyond fantastic, I can see why people are obsessed with him. I hope to watch him in a more sympathetic role next time.

***

LMAO, look at the pot calling the kettle black 🤣🤣

I cannot with this loser of a man.

***

If he had not been born rich, he would have been the founding father of the incel movement, blaming every man with even a semblance of a spine on his inability to fuck.

***

Oh, sure, it was for the government 🙄🙄

Your jealousy is palpable. You can't even convince yourself.

***

LMAO, what the fuck.

This is a dead child you're talking about! Your child! And you are mad you cannot get money and status because of him?

***

She's right, though, she did make the biggest fool out of him.

***

Good for you for slapping her, Minglan!

I've been waiting for someone to do it for ages now.

In fact, so many people in this drama deserve slapping. It's about time you got started on that.

***

Aww, he found his dead baby 😢

***

Wait, that's all?

THAT'S ALL??

WE DO NOT EVEN GET A BEHEADING 😭😭

Not only does her sorry ass not get punished in any way, he will continue to provide for her for the rest of her life. Sure, she will not be living in a manor in luxury as his wife, but she will have a roof over he head and food to eat, plus he will have to employ people in the middle of nowhere to make sure she doesn't go causing trouble again.

She should be in prison instead. Or in some hard labour colony, which I'm sure there are plenty of in Song Dynasty China. OR BEHEADED!!

And what about his maternal Bai relatives? Do they at least get arrested/exiled/beheaded? They have been REPEATEDLY trying to kill him for YEARS!

I am very disappointed with this resolution.

***

Well, I am glad this is over.

Honestly, as far as I am concerned, this whole Manniang subplot has been a huge blight on this otherwise excellent show and a black stain on Gu Tingye as a character. Big thanks to @ruizhi for filling me in on the details from the novel so that I can understand the writing decisions here better. Obviously, I realise that I am in the minority for disliking these decisions (and Gu Tingye as a character) because from what I have seen, he is a firm favourite among the people who watched this drama and everyone is on board with this sanitised version of his character arc.

I have to be honest, if they had kept his harem from the novel, I probably would not have touched this with a ten-foot pole, because I freely admit that I watch c-dramas for the pretty people and idealised romance. I also know that this would have made Gu Tingye more realistic and thus harder to project on, which is ironic because my complaints here are the lack of realism and easy ways out since they decided to include his other women in the drama too. Harem stories depress and infuriate me and I do not watch them unless there are very compelling reasons for me to pick them up, so out of a couple of hundred dramas on my to-watch list, this one would probably not have made it to the top if it had been closer to the source material.

Even as it is, all this is precisely why I put off watching Minglan for the longest time. I knew it had polygamy at its core and this made me disinclined to start it, even though it was warmly recommended by many people in whose good taste I trust. I eventually only started watching because a c-drama friend of mine told me that there is no harem here and that Minglan and Tingye were monogamous and ride-or-die for each other, so Manniang showing up early on was an extremely nasty surprise.

With that said, now that I am here already and very invested in this story, I've long since come to terms with the fact that romance is not the main focus of this show and adjusted my expectations. I am really enjoying it for what it is, which is a family drama focused on women's struggle and suffering in this hell system that they must learn to navigate or die destitute, which is why I am especially irked by this cheap trickery they are employing to make Gu Tingye's and Minglan's relationship more "clean" than it actually is. You cannot have it both ways. Either these characters are realistic people of their time or they are not. Either you are sticking to the book version of them in the adaptation or you are not. But these cake-eating writers (as in wanting their cake and eating it too) definitely tried to get away with both and ended up with huge inconsistencies in their story that irritated me enough to sit down and write this entire screed.

Like I said in my comments on my previous Minglan post, this is the exact thing that made TTEOTM unwatchable for me and landed it on the list of the worst dramas I ever subjected myself to, despite my unceasing obsession with Luo Yunxi. Obviously, I am feeling this on a lesser level with Gu Tingye, because overall, the writing of Minglan committed fewer crimes than TTEOM and remains solid on all other fronts, so I am still invested in the story overall, him as a character and him and Minglan as a couple, but the writers here are just as much cake eaters as the writers on TTEOTM. They looked at this bad boy who worked for a story in another medium precisely because he was morally compromised in some way, wanted that for themselves, but then could not or would not follow through, either because they feared they would alienate a big portion of their audience, or because the Chinese censorship board wouldn't let them get away with it. Then they did this ridiculous thing where they tried going, "Yeah, he's bad, but he's not really! He was set up! It was a misunderstanding!" And ended up blowing a giant hole in their whole story.

If they didn't want to explore Gu Tingye as a man of his time making the same selfish decisions as other men of that time, then they should not have had him acting like one. They should have had a logical and consistent reason why he didn't keep mistresses and concubines (such as, idk, seeing his mother suffer or something) and not introduce Manniang in the first place. What was the point of her in the plotline if we were not going to see him and Minglan make the hard decisions, either to treat his illegitimate offspring as lower-class citizens so that her biological kids could be afforded all the privileges of their rank (which would obviously not sit right with the modern audience), or go with the modern moral code that the show wants them to have and deny Minglan's bio kids by treating all the children equally (which could have been done legally if Minglan was to adopt them, but of course, she was never going to do that)? If you never intended to go there, then why bring in Manniang and her kids in the first place?

In my opinion, if they wanted Gu Tingye untarnished in this way and his love with Minglan unburdened with the baggage of other women and stepkids, they should never have kept Manniang in the adaptation. Once they brought her in, there was no stuffing that genie back into the bottle. The shadow of book!Tingye has been around since the adult actors took over and it is not even the non-monogamy that is an issue for me now, but the character inconsistency and the extremely cheap sleight of hand that they pulled in an attempt to smooth it over.

Here is the thing. Every time I start on a story, be it a book, movie, drama, or whatever, there is a certain premise that it promises to fulfil, which comes with the expectations and limitations of the genre. I adjust my standards accordingly, so if I sit down to watch a fluffy romcom with a young, naive intern falling in love with the son of CEO, then I will judge it on how funny it is and whether the main couple is hot enough and has enough chemistry to keep me invested till the end. I am not going to be particularly worried about the power imbalance and the IRL implications of such a setup, my main concern will be if the main couple look like they are having good enough sex and if I can shoehorn my own escapist fantasy into that dynamic. However, if I start a show that deals with misogyny, patriarchy and sexual harassment of women in the workplace, then you cannot dump the privileged son of the CEO into a relationship with the main heroine and expect me to root for it, unless he is right there beside her, taking his father to court for abuse of power and dismantling the system from within. This is, IMO, what this drama failed to do with Gu Tingye. You cannot promise me a Xiao Qi and deliver a Sheng Hong with the serial numbers filed off.

Based on what I've heard and read about the original novel, book!Tingye is not that much better than Sheng Hong. He had multiple women and illegitimate children that he was playing favourites with based on their birth and rank. He sabotaged his older son and indirectly caused his death so that Minglan's children would not have competition. His daughter by Manniang was just as traumatised as Minglan. He had concubines, who were also technically wives with no way out of a hell marriage, whom he then discarded when it was convenient for him. The only reason this marriage was a victory for Minglan is that she was now the favoured wife with the highest rank, thus her circumstances in life dramatically improved. I understand why they didn't want to portray this to a wider audience, and that doing so would have seriously dented Feng Shaofeng's reputation as a heartthrob in the c-ent industry, but then they shouldn't have opened that can of worms to begin with.

I feel like they should have cut the Manniang storyline completely if they weren't going to do it properly, or, idk, had her go off the deep end much earlier and kill her kids off before he got with Minglan. That could have been used as a catalyst for his change, having him go, "That's it! No more mistresses and concubines for me!" Then we could have seen the rest of it play out as it did (minus Manniang) with a REASON, with his family pressuring him to take in a wife and concubines, him saying no, then falling in love with Minglan and moving on from there naturally and giving us a clean, idealised romance that is not typical for their time.

However, once they brought in Manniang but did not bring in all the nasty stuff implied with him having a kept woman and illegitimate children, they shot themselves in the foot because now Gu Tingye's character was in conflict with the story's internal logic. We have seen how this world functions, we have seen how concubines and the children of concubines are treated. Naturally, once they introduced Manniang and her kids (but especially her son), we were expecting to see exactly what happened in the novel, because this is the premise of the story and the laws by which the world it is set in is governed. The fact that this didn't happen did not make me sigh in relief and think of Gu Tingye as a good guy, it made me question why the story never went there. The cowardly shortcuts out of this predicament and the cheap trickery the writers used to avoid it made me feel like the story was "lying" to me, which is maybe a ridiculous word to use because this whole thing is fiction and therefore a lie. But I could no longer suspend my disbelief, immerse myself in the narrative and root for these characters. Suddenly, they felt fake.

Also, I feel downright insulted by these writing choices.

"Yeah, Gu Tingye had another woman but that's OK because she was actually evil so she doesn't count and he was right to abandon her and have his true romance with Minglan! 😀"

"Yeah, he had a son that he would have had to have been grossly unfair to or not have Minglan's kids get the full extent of their privilege of rank, but that's OK, because the kid just conveniently died! 😀"

"Yeah, his daughter should be traumatised in a hundred different ways from having such a biological mother and dealing with the inferiority complex from growing up right next to Minglan's legitimate children and knowing that in the eyes of society and her own father, she is lesser than them, but don't worry, that's OK, because we are making her suuuuuuuper well adjusted! 😀"

"Yeah, if Chang'er had lived, the audience would have been forced to confront the fact that Gu Tingye was very much a man of his time and that Minglan was also no benevolent saint and that they would have treated children that are not biologically hers as second-class citizens, just like Sheng Hong and Wang Ruofu did in the Sheng household! But that's OK, we'll just kill his illegitimate firstborn son so that you don't have to think about that! 😀"

As a character, Gu Tingye feels so disingenuous because of these shortcuts the writers took to scapegoat Manniang and absolve him of the consequences of being just like the other men in this drama. Would he have been an idealised c-drama hero that girls could pin their fantasies on if they had kept his novel characterisation? Absolutely not. They made him more attractive and palatable to a wider, modern, likely younger-leaning audience at the cost of the story's internal logic, plot coherency and character consistency, and that, for me, is a much bigger writing crime than him having a harem and treating his illegitimate children as lesser-than.

Again, this is an adaptation and nobody put a gun to their heads and forced them to include Manniang. If they had wanted Gu Tingye untarnished and idealised, they should have handled her differently. They cannot have it both ways.

With that said, I realise that I am in the minority here because most viewers were obviously very happy to let this slide (just like they were with TTEOTM). Again, most viewers will not agree with me on Gu Tingye because he is obviously a favourite ML for many, but for me personally, the overall drama loses lots of points on him, especially because of Manniang.

In any case, there are still more than twenty episodes left here for me, so onwards and forward to better plot points and character arcs! 😅

[heyftinally]

https://www.tumblr.com/defendingts/750845507072622592/what-do-you-think-the-p-and-the-r-in-pr-stand-for?source=share

“no celebrity is treated the way Taylor is.”

That is such an outrageous claim. Taylor is praised by 90% of the media. Taylor has a [rabid] fan base that send literal death threats to people who voice their negative opinions on her. Taylor being called out for genuinely bad work and bad choices is not hate it’s accountability.

Britney Spears has it worse than Taylor and continues to have it worse than most celebrities. Miley Cyrus endured some of the worst treatment from the general public and media of a current star when she was growing up. Justin Bieber has been abused by the media since he was 15. Michael Jackson was ridiculed at every turn when he was alive and people still tried to take advantage and drag his name through the dirt after he died. Marilyn Monroe was treated as more of an object than a person and still is mistreated today with misrepresentations of her life being made for entertainment purposes. Cassie literally just had footage of being assaulted by her ex Diddy released to the public. God I could keep going but I won’t. The proof is out there. She’s just too blind to see it. She claims she’s not a Swiftie but she clearly is. If she’s neutral towards Taylor she could at least acknowledge that Taylor has had it very easy in contrast to MOST celebrities.

I had her original account blocked but she made a new one and keeps posting in the anti tag and I’m just fed up. I’ve blocked her again but I needed to rant. Most people in the anti tag aren’t actively hating just expressing their frustrations and even if they were hating. ITS IN THE ANTI TAG. OMG. Sorry but she’s clearly a Swiftie who doesn’t have a god damn life and is baiting people into her ask box. She probably sends herself messages to show she’s got a larger following than she actually does. It’s pathetic. She calls antis pathetic but really we vent to a couple of blogs who agree with our thoughts and those blogs post them. She’s the one seeking out these things to complain about them. It’s so f*ckin annoying

I've honestly called other performers WAY worse things than I've called Taylor Swift. I've criticized countless artists for a variety of things. Hell, anyone who knows me knows I have just as many issues with Harry Styles as I do Taylor Swift (they're basically two versions of the same issues if you ask me).

I tag my posts the way I do for one reason, and one reason only: so that swifties can block me, block the tag(s), and fuck off. I'm not going to sit here and try to convince someone that they shouldn't support her - that has to come from your own moral compass. But in return, don't come on to my posts and tell me I'm wrong for having an opinion based on the facts we're given 24/7.

And as far as the old bullshit of "antis are pathetic" (how very 2010 tumblr lol), I say mocking someone for having an opinion you don't like is MORE pathetic. Taylor Swift is shoved down our throats literally constantly - if I'm forced to be aware of her bullshit, I'm going to have an opinion on it. If that opinion isn't favorable towards her, sucks to fucking suck. You know what I don't post about? Who Hilary Duff did or didn't go on a date with last weekend. Because I have no clue what happens in her personal life, and I'm not about to go be a stalker freak to find out. If Taylor Swift can't stand people not liking her, maybe she should put less of herself on display. And again, if swifties don't like my opinions, they can block me and my tags like adults and move on.

[kueble]

I Like the Taste of Blood When You're Tearing Me Apart

Another Call of Duty fic! This was meant to be a short, sweet little ficlet about Ghost nesting. Guess who went nuts again? haha.

Explicit. Warnings: Intersex Omegas, A/B/O, Mating Bites, Mild blood, breeding kink, knotting, vaginal fingering/oral/sex. 5,300 words.

Ghost/Soap

---

“This is bullshit,” Ghost growls, and Price just holds up his hands palms out at him.

“I agree, but it’s out of my hands,” he says with a shake of his head. “And honestly Ghost…Simon, this isn’t healthy. You’ve been on blockers for fifteen years, and no one is cleared for more than a year without a break. Medical won’t let you back in the field unless you come off them and have your heat. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to lose you to this.”

“Fifteen years and I’ve been perfectly fine,” Ghost argues even though he knows he won’t do any good. Price he may be able to convince, but the bastards down in medical won’t even talk to him about it. There’s a reason why he prefers to take care of his own problems. “If I refuse?” he asks in one final attempt to get out of it.

“Honorable discharge.”

“Fuck. Fine. I took my last one last night, and I’m sure they’re not going to refill my script until I go through with this. I have leave for it? A room on base?” he asks, clenching his jaw at the thought of being locked in one of the heat rooms, cooped up like an animal as he rides out his heat.

“Room’s been booked and you and MacTavish both have the week off for it,” Price tells him with a nod.

“Johnny?” Ghost asks, blinking in confusion.

“Yeah, unless the paperwork you both filed naming each other partner was wrong, you’re in this together. Mates take rut and heat leaves together. You know this,” Price says with a frown. “And if this is about the lack of bite on your neck, don’t be an idiot. We all know you belong to each other. First heat in fifteen years might be the right time to make it proper.”

“All due respect, Sir, fuck off,” Ghost mumbles, but his mind is already reeling from the implications. They’re as official as it can be without a mating bite, since a bite won’t take with the meds running through his system. This is a truly fucked up situation, but maybe some good can come of it. Still, he won’t bring it up if Soap doesn’t mention it first.

“See you in a week,” Price says with a snort. He holds out a set of keys to Ghost and adds, “Room two. You know where to find it.” Ghost pockets the keys and nods sharply before stomping out of his office.

—

“So this is…less than ideal,” Soap says, and Ghost just snorts at him.

“You fucking think?” he grunts out before running a hand over his face. He inhales deeply a few times, exhaling each breath as slowly as he can, and feels himself settle down a little. It helps even more when Soap moves closer, wrapping his arms around his waist from behind and putting his head between Ghost’s shoulder blades.

“Let’s go to bed. There’s nothing to be done about it tonight, so let me just hold you for the night,” Soap suggests, and Ghost sighs.

“I don’t need taking care of,” he mutters, and Soap just hushes him gently.

“I know you don’t, but let me anyway? It makes me feel good,” Soap explains, and Ghost can hardly deny him that. He nods and Soap kneels down, carefully untying Ghost’s boots and sliding them off his feet. Then he walks over to the closet and grabs a pair of his sleep shorts and an oversized cotton tee that’s nearly worn thin from use. “Go get ready for bed,” Soap instructs, and Ghost grabs the clothing before ducking into the bathroom to comply.

He leaves his mask on the edge of the sink and takes time to wash his face carefully, making sure all the grease is gone from around his eyes. It’s not like he’ll need to hide in the heat room anyway. It’s just him and Soap for the next few days, and he hasn’t kept any part of himself from Soap for months now.

By the time he leaves the bathroom, Soap has stripped down to his shirt and boxers and is holding the covers up for Ghost to join him. It should rub him wrong, how easily Soap takes over his room, but instead it makes something warm light up in his chest. He shoves that aside and slips under the covers.

They end up with Soap on his back and Ghost curled up against him. Soap runs his fingers through Ghost’s hair, humming softly because it’s physically impossible for him to be completely silent. Ghost doesn’t purr, but he gets damn close as he lets Soap dote on him.

Then of course his idiot boyfriend has to stir up trouble.

“What do I smell like to you?” Soap asks, and Ghost blinks in confusion, tossing the question around in his mind.

“Why?” he settles on.

“Humor me,” Soap mumbles, and Ghost can feel himself give in.

“You smell…calm, which is ridiculous given your personality,” he says, laughing when Soap swats him playfully. “It’s a combination of earl grey tea and the air right before a rainstorm, with a bit of citrus mixed in.” Soap hums happily, but he can tell there’s more to the conversation. Ghost sits patiently and waits for him to continue, and eventually he does.

“I haven’t ever been around you without blockers, what’s your natural scent like?” Soap asks, and he bristles in response. He’s more than an omega scent, more than his stupid slick, more than just a pretty little mate.

“Baja blast,” he spits out, and Soap blinks at him before nodding awkwardly.

“Sorry, I’m just…we’ve been dating for months and there’s so much I still don’t know,” Soap explains softly.

“You know me better than anyone, what I smell like doesn’t change a god-damned thing. Hell, I don’t even remember. My father put me on the damn blockers right after my first heat. I could smell truly fucking awful,” he says with a sigh.

“I’d still love you if you smelled like rotten meat,” Soap says helpfully, and it serves its purpose. The tension breaks as they share a laugh, and Ghost lets himself lay on Soap properly now, crawling on top of him and just wrapping around him like an overgrown octopus.

“It’s a stupid thing to be upset about,” Ghost mumbles into Soap’s shoulder. “You’re stuck with me, even if we’re not mated.”

“Yet,” Soap says quickly, causing Ghost to snap his head up and look at him.

“Yet?”

“You honestly think I haven’t wanted to tie myself to you in every way possible? I know a mating bite won’t stick with the blockers, so I was going to bring it up at some point soon anyway. I’m yours if you want me,” Johnny tells him softly.

“I do,” he whispers back, smiling as Johnny’s expression softens.

“No take-backs,” he says seriously.

“No take-backs,” Simon echos.

And suddenly it’s too much, too much panic, too much talking, too much existing for today. Thankfully Johnny gets how he works and just presses a kiss against his temple and rubs his back until they both fall asleep.

—

Ghost is lounging on his bed - definitely not brooding - and trying to figure out how the next few days are going to go. He can already feel his body changing, everything a little bit more at the moment, and it’s not something he can ignore. His heart beats slightly faster, his body running just a little hotter, and there’s an odd smell in the air that he is shocked to realizes is his own fucking scent. He’s about to spiral, but thankfully the door flings open and Soap kicks it closed behind him before holding out a handful of items at him.

“What’s this?” Ghost asks as he climbs off the bed. Soap sways from foot to foot, practically dripping with nervousness, and Ghost studies him closely as he walks over. With his heightened senses, he can practically feel Soap’s heartbeat in his ears, and it’s rabbiting in his chest like a wild thing.

“I, er, I took the liberty of securing you some things from the team,” Soap tells him slowly. He hesitates for a brief moment before shoving the armful of things at Ghost. “There’s something from Price, Gaz, and a few things of mine. You know…for your nest.”

Ghost startles as he looks down at the bundle of clothing in his arms. He can spot one of Price’s stupid bucket hats right away, half wrapped in a pair of sweats too small to be anyone but Gaz’s. Soap added a few of his workout shirts, practically dripping with his calming scent. Ghost stares down at everything and starts to panic that he’s out of his league here.

“I…I’ve never made a nest,” he admits, and Soap gasps at him. He feels stupid, but his first heat had been a rush, his father throwing a fit and locking him in the basement until it had run its course, and there hadn't been anything to sleep on let alone nest with.

“We can figure it out together. I mean, you can figure it out and I’ll be there to catch you when you inevitably freak out, much like always,” Soap says with a soft laugh. Ghost rolls his eyes but feels a bit better already.

“Am I supposed to collect things on my own?” he asks, already at a loss of how the process goes. He’s pretty sure omegas ask their pack for nesting supplies.

“I figured you’d be too proud to ask the other guys, so I’d help out. Price and Gaz were really excited to help! But I can give them back. It’s not a big deal,” Soap says, and immediately something clenches in Ghost’s chest. He growls at him, eyes narrowing as he clutches the items to his chest. The familiar smells of his team, his pack, surround him and he opens his mouth before his brain catches up.

“No! They’re mine now!” he grunts out, and Soap’s eyes widen as he nods quickly. Ghost sighs and takes a deep breath to calm himself. He can already feel the fight or flight response kicking in over something as stupid as an armful of clothes. “I…I think my hormones are already fucked up.”

“I would say you’re right,” Soap chuckles softly. Ghost ignores him in favor of burying his face in the clothing, the comforting scent of his pack washing over him. He didn’t even realize he needed this, but of course the alpha did. He’s a good choice. He winces at the way his instincts have taken over at this point, but he feels too good to dwell on it.

“We’ll go to the heat room later and I can put everything together. One more thing I need, though,” Ghost says hesitantly. Soap looks eager to give him anything so he presses on. “Go get all your bedding and bring it back. I want to sleep with everything tonight.”

“On it,” Soap says, offering a mock salute as he turns to leave. Ghost reaches out and slaps his ass for the insubordination, and they’re both laughing as he heads towards his own room. Ghost isn’t sure why they haven’t combined rooms already, since they’re always together at this point anyway. If they do go through with the mating, they’ll be able to move in legitimately. Normally mated couples are given larger space, but Ghost’s rank already affords him more than enough perks.

—

“Johnny, wake up,” Ghost says, tapping him on the shoulder. Johnny wakes up swinging and lets out a loud shriek.

“What the fuck? What time is it?” he spits out, sitting up and rubbing at his face.

“02:00,” Ghost tells him, and Soap looks at him like he’s deranged. Which, come to think of it, Ghost realizes he probably is. He can already feel the pre-heat raging through his body, and he knows he’ll be in full heat by morning.

“Is there a reason why you woke me up?” Soap asks, still blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

“I’m not about to let everyone see me dragging my fucking nesting materials across base. Get up and grab the bedding. We’re going now,” Ghost informs him, and Johnny snorts but does what he’s told.

“Let me put on a shirt at least,” he mumbles, grabbing one from Ghost’s drawer. It hands on his frame, and he looks adorable in it. Ghost can’t help shifting his duffel bags to one hand and reaching out to cup his cheek. He leans in to kiss him softly before pulling back and smiling.

“Gonna make you take it off as soon as we get to the heat room, anyway, but I like how you look in my clothes,” Ghost murmurs before gesturing at the pile of bedding Soap yanked off the bed. He bends down to gather it all in his arms, and Ghost leads him out the door.

The walk to the heat and rut corridor is silent, but Ghost is constantly on alert for anyone who might be fighting the insomnia that claims him far too often. Thankfully they don’t run into anyone, and soon enough they reach his assigned room. He uses the key Price gave to him and ushers Soap inside.

“Stay by the door,” Ghost orders, and Soap blinks slowly but nods, pressing his back up against the door without question.

The next few minutes are a flurry of action. Ghost dumps the clothing - scented by his team but mostly Soap - onto the large bed and starts shaping it into a proper nest. He may not have done this before, but instinct and his military-instilled need for perfection take over. The bedding he and Soap have spent the last few nights on gets woven into the pile, and finally everything smells right, smells like home.

“You’re adorable, you know that, right?” Soap calls out from across the room and Ghost can feel his cheeks heating up under his balaclava.

“Fuck you,” he mumbles, which only makes Soap chuckle.

“Think it’s the other way around, love,” Soap tells him gently. Ghost flips him off but still starts undressing, suddenly desperate to get into his nest.

“Keep your dick to yourself before my heat kicks in. I’m gonna need you well-rested,” Ghost says before tugging off his mask. He tosses it onto the bedside table and then crawls onto the bed.

“Clearly the best way to ensure that is to wake me up in the middle of the night and drag me across the base,” Soap says, laughing as he climbs in next to Ghost. He darts in and kisses Ghost quickly before turning onto his side. Ghost curls up behind him, slinging an arm over his hips and pulling him tight against his chest. Alpha or not, Soap is his little spoon.

His last thought before drifting off is that he hopes they both survive this.

—

Simon wakes up on fire, his body burning up with the full brunt of his heat. Johnny isn’t awake yet, so he takes a moment to assess his situation. He’s so wet that slick is dripping down his thighs, and there’s a deep hunger inside him that only one thing will cure. He’s glad they stripped down before bed, because he’s not sure he’d be able to do it now.

“Johnny,” he whines, shaking the man currently wrapped around his side. He stirs with a sigh, wiping the sleep out of his eyes as he looks over at Simon.

And then his nostrils flare wide, his gaze turning feral as he grins at Simon. He runs a hand through Simon’s hair, tugging gently and drawing a moan out of him. “You smell so fucking good right now. Need my help, love?” he asks, and it’s all Simon can do to nod, his body already making him needy and half-drunk on it.

"Fuck me," Simon begs, his voice cracking as another gush of slick rushes out of his cunt. Soap runs a finger through it, gathering some up before sucking it off his fingers.

"Steamin' Jesus, you taste divine like this. Gonna go down on you for hours once the fever breaks, but I'll take care of you. Don't worry, love," he murmurs before lining up and slowly sinking into him.

Simon is half mad with it, his head full of cotton and static, but he whimpers at the stretch of Johnny's thick cock filling him up so good. Reaching up, he drags him down, their mouths meeting in a harsh kiss. He's too far gone to do much but growl into Johnny's mouth, but it still settles him, even just a little.

"Need your knot," Simon whines, beyond caring how fucking needy he sounds. All he needs is his alpha's knot - his mate's knot - and the fever will break. He feels like clawing at his skin, so he runs his blunt nails down Johnny's back, leaving red scratches in his wake. Johnny just fucks him harder, pounding into his cunt with so much force that he nearly bucks Simon out of his carefully constructed nest.

"You smell so amazing, so perfect for me, so ripe," Johnny murmurs against his neck, and he tilts his head to the side, offering his neck for the mating bite. "Not yet, don't want to end this so soon."

"But you will? You'll bite me?" Simon asks, panicking at the thought his chosen mate might not keep him. He knows it's stupid, because they've talked about this, agreed to it already, but the fear still hits him hard. Hormones are so fucking stupid.

"Aye, I'm never giving you up. Gonna be stuck with me til the end of our days. My pretty little omega," Johnny tells him, and Simon grumbles at him. He's not pretty. He's rough and haggard and deadly. "None of that," Johnny tsks him, "you're pretty if I say you are. Now let's see how much this perfect little cunt of yours can take."

And then they're moving, bodies slamming together as Johnny fucks him roughly. Even as out of it as he is, Simon can feel Johnny’s knot swelling up, can feel the base growing as his alpha plows into him. His poor neglected cock is trapped between them, leaking uselessly against his stomach. Digging his heels into the small of Johnny's back, he tries to change the angle, tries to get a little more friction on it.

"I got you, sweet thing," Johnny tells him, somehow working a hand between them without breaking his rhythm. Simon hisses at the nickname, but his inner omega is preening even if he denies it. He feels his orgasm building up and offers his neck again, desperate to feel Johnny's teeth in his skin.

"Need you. Do it!" He cries out, and thankfully Johnny doesn't make him wait again.

They both come as soon as Johnny's sharp teeth break through his skin, bonding them together with a flash of pain and blood. Simon shouts his name, sobbing as his climax rushes through him. His mind snaps, and all he knows is Johnny, all he feels is the weight of his alpha, the stab of his teeth and the blunt pressure of his knot finally slamming home.

Johnny grinds against him and paints his inner walls with his hot seed. Simon knows it won't take, not with his meds, but part of him wishes it would, wants to be round and full and properly bred.

"Fuck, Simon, you're gonna kill me," Johnny laughs breathlessly and nips at the curve of his jaw. "I'll breed you so good, pump you full of pups the second we retire." Simon hadn't even realized he was talking out loud, and he hides his face in his mate's neck.

Johnny rolls his hips, grinning his knot into him, and Simon gasps as another orgasm crashes through him. He clings to Johnny and rides it out, feeling another burst of Johnny's come flood into him as he clamps down around his knot.

"We can't possibly keep this up all week," Johnny mumbles against his chest, and Simon laughs at him, the fog clearing from his heat-addled brain.

"Biology says otherwise, but I'm glad for the break," he admits.

"Well I'm properly drained, so just let me lay here scenting you until you need me again," Johnny laughs before lapping at his bond mark.

"What do I smell like?"

"Like peat and the seaside, and a touch of bomb smoke," Johnny whispers. "Some of my favorite things."

"You're bloody insane," Simon tells him before nuzzling into him more. He feels another wave of come fill him, but is too exhausted to do anything but lay there.

"You didn't bite me," Johnny says softly, and Simon nearly bucks him off with the speed he tries to sit up.

"You want me to bite you?" He asks, eyes wide as Johnny shoves him back down.

"Course I do, but I'd also like to keep my prick right where it is. Don't move again until my knot goes down," he says with a snort.

"Most alphas don't let their omegas bite them," Simon reminds him quietly.

"Most alphas are stupid fucks, then. I want your mark just as much as I want to see mine on you. Make us equal, Si. Claim me," he orders.

Simon doesn't waste time, sinks his teeth into Johnny's scent gland the second he tilts his head. The coppery flavor of blood bursts across his tongue, and he bites harder, making sure his mark will last. When he’s done, he laps at the bloody wound, sighing happily at how warm he feels now.

“Gonna sleep until it hits me again,” Simon murmurs, and Johnny just holds him tighter.

—

“I can’t,” Johnny whines, sounding like he is barely able to move. Simon agrees, because it feels like they’ve been fucking nonstop for months now. He is without a doubt the horniest omega that ever existed. He can feel Johnny’s come dripping out of him, and yet his body still wants more.

“Medical said it could hit me hard,” he whispers, and Johnny fucking cackles at him.

“You’re telling me,” he says between laughs. “My dick is down for the count for at least a couple hours, but I’ve been meaning to get my mouth on you. Laying between your thighs will be good for my knee, anyway.”

“You didn’t tell me it was bothering you!” Simon chastises him, but Johnny just shrugs it off.

“Wasn’t really thinking about it until now. Turns out it’s hard to pay attention to the rest of your body while you’re getting your dick wet,” he says with a smirk. Simon rolls his eyes at him, but the concern quickly takes over..

“Well tell me if it gets worse. I think my heat should let up soon,” he says hopefully. But then a wave of cramps rolls over him and he breaks out in a sweat again. “Fuck me,” he mumbles.

“Like I said, give me a few hours,” Johnny tells him before sliding down the bed and sprawling out between his thighs.

Simon’s tiny cock is hard and leaking against his belly, and his cunt throbs, trying to clench down on nothing as he stares down at his alpha. Johnny just spreads his thighs wider and dips his head down, licking a wide stripe up Simon’s folds. He makes a sound like he’s gagging for it, and Simon figures he is. He looks up at him with dark blue eyes, and Simon can tell he’s smirking against his cunt.

Johnny looks completely unhinged, and it’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen.

He thinks Johnny will start slow, but after the first lick he’s like a man possessed. He flattens his tongue and licks the length of him again before reaching up to take hold of his cock. It’s small, barely a handful, but Johnny looks at it like it’s the best thing he’s ever seen. The first little kitten lick at the head of his cock has him grunting, and Simon has to fight to keep his hips on the bed.

Only Johnny pulls back and murmurs a quick, “It’s not more than a mouthful, which makes it easier for you to fuck my face. Take your pleasure, love.” He looks so wrecked, face red and eyes blown dark, and Simon can’t help falling a little more in love with him. He reaches down and rubs his thumb over the bite mark on Johnny’s neck, proof of his claim on his alpha. They both silver at the touch, and Simon grins down at him before bucking up into his mouth.

Johnny moans like the slut that he is, eyes struggling to stay open as Simon fucks into his mouth. He was right, his omega cock isn’t much, but it still has Johnny fucking gagging for it. He grunts and bucks his hips, feeling his cunt clench tighter as he works himself in and out of Johnny’s spit-slicked mouth.

“Need more,” he hisses, his body feeling overworked and yet so so needy. Johnny understands him - he always does - and pulls off his cock before catching his gaze and licking it one last time.

“I got you, Simon,” he reassures him, and Simon just nods, knowing he’d follow this man into hell itself if he asked him to. He trusts him to always take care of him, to always have his six.

Simon wants to say something profound, something soft and sweet to let Johnny know how gone for him he is, but his head is floating and he can’t do more than slap a sweaty palm weakly against his cheek. Johnny turns into it, smiling as he kisses the center of his hand. And then he pulls back, looking completely feral as he spits on Simon’s dripping cunt. He whines, and Johnny does it again, his gaze heavy before he slides back down.

He laps at his dripping hole, tongue thrusting inside as his scruff roughs up the insides of Simon’s thighs. He nips at Simon’s rim, sore from days of abuse, but the little sting of pain just makes everything so much more. He tightens his hold on Johnny’s hair, tugging roughly and dragging a moan out of him. It sends shock waves of pleasure through his core, and his hips slam up on their own accord.

Johnny goes with it, eating him out like his life depends on it, even as Simon is grinding against his face. He feels two fingers at his entrance and sighs as they push inside, his body begging for the knot he knows it won’t get. No, he’s thoroughly wrecked his mate, and yet Johnny is still doing his best, still taking care of him.

He’s pretty fucking perfect.

Time has no meaning, nothing does when all he can focus on is the rough slide of Johnny’s tongue over his folds and the thick press of his fingers inside of him. He’s burning up, sweating hard enough to cover them both, but Johnny just keeps lapping at him like he’s dying for it. The third and fourth fingers burn a little, and he’s absolutely shocked that his hole isn’t gaping after being knotted so much.

But there’s something amazing about his mate, this strong, mildly terrifying alpha who chose him. Simon knows it's his instincts, but he feels like they’re meant to be, are completely made for each other. The way Johnny’s fingers are fucking him so well only solidifies his crazy thoughts. The calloused pads of his fingers drag against that spot inside of him, and Simon loses all thoughts. All he knows is Johnny, the press of his fingers, the warmth of his mouth as he swallows his cock back down, the combined scents filling the room. It’s filthy and obscene and he can’t get enough of it.

And then there’s something else pressing at his hole. Simon nearly loses it when he realizes it’s Johnny’s thumb. He’s going to ruin him, but what a fucking way to go. He groans as Johnny’s thumb strokes the sensitive skin around his opening, his tongue fluttering around the head of his cock at the same time. He can multi-task like a fucking pro. Simon falls back, barely able to keep his eyes open as Johnny guides him towards his orgasm.

Simon keens, his back arching as Soap slips the thumb inside of him. The stretch is perfect, as close to a knot as he can get without Johnny putting his whole fucking fist in him, and isn’t that a fun idea to bring up later. He slams his hips up, and Johnny moans around his cock. His thighs are trembling, and he knows he’s nearly there.

“Close,” he whines, and Johnny starts fucking him faster with his hand, the bottom of it too wide to fit inside, but it feels like a knot about to pop, and Simon explodes. He probably crushes Johnny with his thighs, but he’s too far gone to worry about it. He spills down Johnny’s hot throat, his entire body shaking as he climaxes.

Johnny sucks him through it, curling his fingers the best he can and working over that spot inside of him. It’s earth-shattering, his cunt being so fucking full and his softening prick buried in the hot heat of Johnny’s mouth. He’s screaming, not sure if it’s words or primal nonsense, and his body feels like it’s coming apart at the seams.

He’s pretty sure he blacks out, because suddenly he’s blinking his eyes open and Johnny is leaning over him, grinning like he won the fucking lottery. His face is soaked in Simon’s juices, and there’s a bit of come stuck by the corner of his mouth. Simon raises a weak arm and runs his thumb through the mess, panting as he feeds it to Johnny.

His cock gives a twitch, but he’s spent for the moment. It feels like he just ran a marathon, and he feels like he could sleep for a week. “So good for me,” he murmurs and Johnny hums happily.

“You are so perfect. The best omega I could imagine,” Johnny whispers before catching his mouth in a quick kiss. They’re both too exhausted for more right now. Simon preens under the praise and rolls Johnny onto his side so he can spoon him. He’s filthy, covered in both their come and nearly a week’s worth of sweat, but he’s happy.

A deep rumble fills the room and Simon takes way too long to realize that it’s him. The last time he purred was when he was little and life hadn’t fucked him over yet. Hell, he didn’t even know he still could. But this insane man in his arms apparently makes him happier than anything else, and he vows to hold onto him the rest of his life.

“That’s it, purr for me, love,” Johnny mumbles as they drift off to sleep.

And when they stumble out of the heat room a day later, the rest of the 141 claps them on the back in congratulations, not a single person questioning their healed bond bites. Johnny moves into his room, and for the first time since he crawled out of his own grave, Simon is able to envision a future, a life outside the service. They discuss it in hushed tones in their shared bed, making plans and trading kisses while the rest of the base sleeps.

It turns out home can be a person instead of a place.