#since i suck at getting them together like 6-9 months in advance like i used to

[seekingthestars]

i hate that i do think it'll be cute to have so many more flowers on eevee 3.0 bc hand-sewing 72 appliqués is gonna be a huge pain 😭

[honestlyhappyharry]

Chapter 8

Some news

A/n: slightly mature content towards the end, viewer discretion advised

Chapter 7

For the past few months, you had been going out on dates with Harry, usually during your lunch break so it didn't make Lily curious about where you were going in the night. Although there had been a few nights out. Your relationship was now official to both of your friend groups and Harry’s family. Your family still didn’t know, and you did want to tell them but it had never been the right time.

"Hey, Ellie." You say into the phone. Harry’s text of come out with me tonight xx H had caused the call, as you needed someone to watch Lily.

"Y/n, how are you?" She asks politely. 

"I'm good, I was wondering if you're free to babysit Lily tonight?" You ask getting right to the point.

"I'm really sorry, I have my SAT exam tomorrow." She tells you and you nod, as much as you needed her to babysit Lily, her school was infinitely more important.

"Thank you anyway." You tell her before hanging up. That crossed out any teenagers you knew who could babysit Lily. Maybe Eleanor?

A few moments later and you're on the phone with Eleanor only to get an "I'm sorry, Lou and I are going out. Ask your mum." She suggests and you agree. Harry was the only person who knew that your parents didn't know that you were together again.

“Hi, mum.” You say once you’ve worked up the courage to dial her number. Lily looked up at you from the stool at the kitchen island she was eating her breakfast at when she heard you say ‘mum’

“Hello, love, what’s happening?” She asked and you smile at just hearing her voice. While it hadn’t been that long since you talked to her it always felt like a long time, and now with the dating news acting as a wedge, it felt longer. 

You picked at your nails before answering. “I was wondering if you’re around tonight to watch Lily?” There was hope that she wouldn’t ask too many questions but you knew that was foolish. Lily did know you were going out and she stopped asking why once you told her she might get to see grandma. 

“Yeah, I’ll watch her any time. I do have to go to a hair appointment this morning but I can come up down.” After your mum found out you were pregnant she saw no issue in retiring with your dad in Santa Barbara, just under two hours away so she could be there to help out with Lily but she was also far enough away. “Where are you off to?” She continued, a certain tone laced in her voice that you hadn’t heard since she last tried to set you up with some young guy.

“We can talk about that later.” You tell her, thankful that LIly could only hear one side of the conversation. 

At 6 o’clock you were finishing making dinner, shrimp tacos requested by LIly. Once you’d put a couple of tacos on the plate she was downstairs sitting exactly where she did at breakfast. 

Ding Dong! The doorbell sounded, you had to tell LIly to sit down while you go and open it. She reluctantly agreed, only due to the fact her food was there. 

“Honey!” Your mum said as she embraced you in a quick hug in the foyer. “You look very nice.” She mentioned, looking at your white lace dress. Oh, she was definitely close to figuring it out. 

“Hi mum, thanks for coming.” You told her and she nodded while she took off her coat and placed her small handbag on the side table. 

“Anytime. But you do have to tell me where you’re going.” She didn’t even miss a beat asking you about what was happening. You hoped she’d drop it or forget but knowing her character, you knew there wasn’t much of a chance. 

You suck in a deep breath, she’s your mum, she loves you and she loves Harry. You tried to convince yourself it was going to be okay. “Harry and I are dating again.” You couldn’t even look at her to see her reaction. 

“Oh. Oh wow. That is surprising news.” That was neither a good nor a bad reaction and you still couldn't meet her eyes. “I’m happy for you.” Finally, after your heart couldn’t race any faster, there she was. Smiling at you widely.  

“Thanks.” You smiled back, before pulling her in for a hug. 

Once she pulled away she looked over your dress again. “I knew I’d seen the dress before.” She smiled, knowingly. You have had it since you started dating Harry but you hadn’t worn it since you broke up. “Does Lily know?”

“No.” You shook your head. “She doesn’t even know he’s her dad.” Her face was flooded with disappointment. “We are planning on telling her soon.” You rush out. 

She nodded, finding a more joyful expression. “That’s good, she’ll be okay.”  You knew it was wrong to not tell her but before you could confide more in your mother, Lily was there hugging her grandma.

Lily immediately dragged her off to the kitchen and you followed, setting up a plate for your mum. Harry’s text dings through Outside, gorgeous x H 

“Okay, I’m going.” You announced. “I love you and be good for grandma, she’ll tell me if you’re not.” You told Lily as you placed a kiss on her forehead. 

“I love you too.” She waved you out. And with that, you left your mum and Lily in the kitchen before you slipped some white heels on and headed out the door.

Once you’d walked out the door it did feel like you had entered a whole different life. What you felt for him was like nothing you had felt in a long time. Of course, Lily was your entire universe but this was different. Loving Harry was earth defying, 

He was wearing a basic, white dress shirt and some black skinny jeans. It was almost like you were back in 2015. Between his outfit and the little smirk pulling at his lips, he looked very hot as he leant against the bonnet of his Range Rover. 

“Hey, baby.” Harry winked before he stood up off the car. A light blush littered your cheeks at his nickname. Even that was hot. He walked a few more steps over and once he was close you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. His arms went to your waist as he stroked up and down. “I’ve missed you.” He pouted once you broke the kiss. 

“I’ve missed you more.” You smiled up in him, as usual, you got lost in his eyes. 

~

You’d never had a bad date with Harry and that night wasn’t an exception. Harry had ignited a confident spark in you and things felt like they were slipping back into how they were all those years ago. 

As you drove into the driveway home you noticed the time, 9:26. Lily would definitely be asleep by now and you hoped your mum was downstairs watching tv and not cleaning your house like she so often did. 

The car was shut off but you both sat there, in silence. 

Harry’s hand trailed up your thigh, slightly bunching up your dress and you raise your eyebrows at him, a little concerned but certainly not pushing away his advances. He only smirked and continued. 

Harry’s very expert fingers were barely on your core for a second when he moved them off. You were quick to pull it back onto you. “Please can’t we just have sex in the back of your car now.” You half begged, half demanded of him.

He snorted. “I would definitely have you begging for it in the back.” The wink he shot you was hot and did make you wet. He continued after he saw the desperate look on your face. “If I didn’t care about you and want our first time to be special.” His hand cupped your cheeks before he pressed a sweet kiss to your lips, only to pull away when you tried to deepen it. 

“You do know it wouldn’t be our first time, you dork. We have a child.” You giggled at him, it broke up the sexual tension in the room. 

In reply, he rolled his eyes and gave you an annoyed look. “You know I’m trying to be sweet and sentimental and you’re calling me a dork.” He nudged you with a different smirk.

After you playfully added. “Guess who won’t be getting any tonight.” Before you turned away from him and got out of the car. 

He was quick to follow you and he slammed his door shut as he raced after you. “I fucking hope you’re talking about someone who’s not me.”

You just threw a smile back at him. 

Once you got inside your mum was already right next to the door and gave Harry a huge hug. “Harry, it’s so nice to see you again. I’m so happy you’re together again.” She exclaimed and you chuckled. She was kind of ruining the mood. 

“It’s nice to see you as well, Y/m/n,” Harry said, surprisingly chilled out about the ambush from your mum. But he had always liked your mum and she always adored him. 

“Lily’s inside. I’m going to drive home now but I’d love to go out for dinner sometime.” She said. “All of us together hmm, once you tell Lily.” She continued as if you didn’t know what she meant. Before you knew it she grabbed her things and walked to her car before she drove out of the driveway. You glanced over to Harry to see him waving at her. 

“Now where were we?” Harry said, his attention was back on your and his hand went to your waist. 

“Just about here.” You told him as you placed your lips on his. His hand travelled up and down your waist, just touching your breast each time which sent tingles through your body. With your lips attached you two move and before you knew it you were pressed against the stairs while Harry continued to touch you all over. 

There was something thrilling about making out with Harry in the dark of your house like you were a teenager again. 

“Mumma!” You heard a voice say that immediately made your eyes snap up to see Lily stood at the top of the stairs. 

~

2 minutes later and Lily was sat on the stairs while you sat a step-down and Harry stood 3 stairs down at the bottom. 

Now it was time for the hard part. “You know how Madison has a mum and a dad.” You started and Lily nodded. This had always played on your mind as the best way to tell her. “When you want to have a baby you have to have a man and a women and that’s who you call mum and dad.” You told her and she nodded again. 

“But I don’t have a dad.” Lily quickly jumped in with a frown on her face. 

“Yeah, you do.” You confessed and her mouth dropped open. “You just didn’t know he was your dad because... well because some adult stuff happened.”

By the look on her face, you knew she was about to guess and you cringed as you waited. “Is it Uncle Lou?” Harry started laughing out loud and really quite hard. You shook your head at her while you giggled at her. 

“No, Lil, Harry is actually your dad.” You quietly said but her face just lit up. 

“Uncle Harry?” She asked before pointing towards him and both of your faces dropped. 

She had suddenly created a very weird tension. “Yeah, but who told you he was your uncle?” You asked her quickly with a lot of concern. It would be very awkward if she called him Uncle Harry around your families. 

“Lux.” She simply stated. Right, that would figure as Lily would have gone to see Lux after she met Harry at Disneyland and asked who he was and that was the answer Lux could give her. 

Harry was still finding it hilarious when you looked over at him and glared, telling him to stop laughing. You knew she’d have more questions but for now, she needed to sleep.

“Could you tuck me in, Harry?” She asked and you raised your eyebrows at Harry who nodded towards her. Lily always managed to surprise you with how she reacted to different things. 

Harry went to tuck Lily in just as he was about to go she piped up with a question that caught his attention. “Who are your mum and dad?” He wasn’t really sure what to say, feeling like he was stepping on eggshells around what you wanted him to tell her or not tell her. 

Instead, he took a seat on her bed and figured he might as well be honest. “Well my mum is a fantastic lady named Anne and my dad, well the man I consider to be my dad, is named Robin.” Lily nodded in content with his answer but Harry felt the need to continue. “I’m sure they would love to meet you, they are technically your nana and poppa.” Lily’s mouth dropped a little. 

“So I now have a mum and a dad and a grandma and a grandpa and a nana and a poppa.” Harry nodded. “Wow, this is the best day ever. Can I get a puppy too?” She wondered. 

Harry let out a laugh. “Why don’t I talk to mummy and convince her?” He suggested, he’d suggest anything to set he smile on her face again. It was like a little ray of sunshine. 

“Yes, please comvice her.” She said, mispronouncing ‘convince’ much to Harry’s adoration. 

Once Harry went to tuck Lily in your took off your shoes and went up to your room, in the hope Harry would figure out where you went. You changed out of your dress and put on some silk PJ shorts and a matching PJ top before you went to sit up in bed. 

By the time Harry got to your room, you were almost drifting to sleep. “Hey.” You smiled once you saw him appear in the doorway, signature smile and hands in pockets.

“Hey, I should go.” He said as he walked over and placed a kiss on your forehead. Now he stood next to you on the edge of your bed. 

“Stay.” You shook your head and grabbed a hold of his hands. At this point it wasn’t even that you wanted to sleep with him, you just wanted to be around him. 

His face changed, smirking down at you. “Sleep in your underwear and I have a spare toothbrush.” You said, in the hope of persuading him. 

He walked over to your closet and started taking his clothes off. “So you’re trying to get me to strip, are you?” He smirked and sent you a wink once he noticed you staring at him. It wasn’t your fault he was built like a Greek god.

“No, but you did start something in the car.” You murmured, blushing slightly as you went back to look at your phone but he was just so hot. 

Harry climbed in bed next to you and started running his hand up and down your thigh. Eventually, you gave in and rolled over so you were on top of Harry. “Lights on or off?” Harry asked, putting his hand on the light switch. 

“On.” You smirked before you leant down to kiss down his chiselled chest. 

“Good to know nothing’s changed.” He sent you a smirk as he looked up at you. You smirked on his skin. 

And that night was the ending of everything going back to normal

[pjstafford]

A Look at my 2020

The end of the year is upon us. It’s been a tough one for all of us. It is a year we will all remember forever. I want to do a positive reflection of this year. I will probably write a blog about what I hope our country’s New Years Resolutions should be. The thoughts on that have been rolling around my head for a few days. But today, December 16, at 4:30 a.m. and unable to sleep, that 2020 familiar dread of what will happen today waking me early, I want to look at some positives. I want to unwrap the positives of 2020 like a Christmas gift before Christmas so that I can wrap myself in them as a blanket of warmth. One thing that I have been truly impressed with is the resilience of the human spirit. Let’s call this a resilience exercise.

Counting my blessings one by one...

1. I am alive. Surviving is a cause for celebration. As far as I know I have been COVID free...although there were a few days in April or early May when I was sick with something and in Feb I had the strangest cold in my life and this time last year weeks of fatigue ended in frozen shoulder syndrome on Christmas Eve. See, I want to be thankful, but I don’t want to be naive in my retrospection. Best to be honest. I’m not sure if I had COVID or not, but if I did I survived with relatively minor symptoms. Every cough or sniffle I feared in a completely irrational way was COVID. There was the week I walked around sniffing everything to make sure I could still smell. It dawns on me it is going to be difficult to write a honest and, yet, positive, retrospective of 2020. I am alive, but I have never been less healthy. I’ve gained weight. I haven’t had the physical exercise to which I am accustomed and now when I try to take a long walk I realize my stamina is gone. It will take years of concentrated effort once things are “back to normal” for me to become normal again. It wasn’t that I didn’t try. I did yoga daily in the Spring and switched to an online Tai chi class in the summer, but I don’t live near beauty or anything interesting so wasn’t motivated to walk and just my everyday life of lockdown in a studio apartment meant less movement. All of which sounds even to me like not very good justification. Did I mention though that I survived. I am alive. I will take that as blessing number one.

2. No one I care about very deeply has died or even been seriously ill from COVID. Doesn’t March 2020 seem far away? I don’t want to be dismissive of 300;000 dead especially with more to come. I or someone I love could still be gone by New Years Day. But in March and April we held our breaths for an apocalypse and at some point most of us decided to take a breath. I don’t know really if it’s good or bad that we have simply adjusted our normal and the number deaths we are willing to accept. It’s bad, what am I saying? It’s bad. But how long can we wait in fear? So I don’t know, but I want to count as a blessing that those I love have all survived to date. I cannot vanquish the fear, but I can be grateful for survival.

3. I have maintained employment in a bad economy and have mostly been able to work from home. There have been some struggles. Sometimes the work I do is depressing. Sometimes I feel I don’t make a difference. There has never been a worse time to be an advocate...or a person with disability, or a caregiver, or a provider agency, or a health care professional. I have maintained employment.

4. I count among my blessings the fact that I had a wonderful 2020 before....remember there was a 2020 before. I love when my work takes me to Santa Fe for a prolonged time. A friend came out in Feb for a wonderful weekend. Another friend came to Albuquerque to see me for my birthday in early March. I remember thinking how social I was in those first ten weeks in 2020. It’s as if I somehow knew....it sustained me.

5. I count among my blessings that when I felt my mental health despair getting at its worse...the strain of living alone in a studio apartment, working from that same apartment and following the Governor orders not to go or do anything. ..that I had friends and two weekends of “risky” behavior; a friend who came for the Fourth of July holiday and an out of state trip to Durango in late September. I’m fortunate that when I had to have human contact my closest friends were there for me

6. I count as my blessings that Biden won the election. It’s not simply a matter of politics. I’m not sure if the last eight months of the Trump Presidency wasn’t worse for my morale than the pandemic because Trump kind of lost whatever semblance of sanity he had. Part of the trepeditation over what each new day will bring is what Trump will say, do, tweet, exacerbate. I still fear revolution in the street before Jan 20. The pandemic is not the worse of what America has gone through. That’s the oddest thing about this year.

7. Here is the blessing which probably will be unpopular. The lockdown and stress of all we have experienced is tough, but the slowdown is a blessing for me. My life had gotten pretty busy. While I miss travel, it’s ok for a year not to have had the time suck that travel for work entails. I will be so happy the first work trip I get to go on, but I feel like 2020 has given me the gift of time. It’s odd because, like many, my creative sense has suffered. I have written almost nothing. Still, I often think of a Dylan lyric, maybe in the next life I will be able to hear myself think. I could hear myself think this year. Unfortunately I thought about the existentialist angst of the meaning of life and my failures as a human being and I don’t think there is enough time still to process the effects of the pandemic and I’m sick to death of the sound of my thoughts, but....I have been given this unique gift of time. Even on December 16th I am not rushed to shop, to cook, to decorate, to go to a zillion parties. It’s a different year. The Holiday will still come. It is pleasant not to feel urgency over, let’s face it, non-urgent things. I am mentally and emotionally fatigued, but not nearly as physically exhausted as I was this time last year

8. The next one is a big one. The gift of living in the moment. I have spent my entire life since 7th grade when Miss O’Neil gave me a copy of The Rubyait of Omar Khayyam trying to live with the philosophy of living for the now. Clear the cups of past regrets...tomorrow, why I may be myself with yesterday’s seven thousand years. The only time I have ever truly experience this is in a handful of concert experience. Even now, I fear for my future and I blame myself for my mistakes. Still, my relationship with time has changed. There is the sun rising and setting and that is a day. Seasons will change. But the gift of time means I can approach my day differently. When five o clock comes on a workday, a needed nap is a step away. No where to go on a Friday night... no where I can go...means the weekend rhythm exists only as I define it. The simple pleasures we always take for granted mean something more now. There is a coffee truck that stops near me on Fridays and Saturdays. When it first started stopping I was over the moon that I could walk and get a latte with fairly little risk. If I go to the grocery store and have a conversation with a stranger, it is different than it was before. Mindfulness exercise and meditation is one thing, but nothing can compare with this year to further my lessons in this pursuit. May I take the lesson with me into years to come.

9. Zoom...yes, of course I have zoom fatigue. But five friends in five different states having a monthly drink together on zoom is a benefit of the pandemic. I watched a movie this year with someone who lives in Brazil. I celebrated a friend’s sixtieth person even though I couldn’t be with her. I’ve attended book discussions and readings in New York and I already have tickets to an event in March. Kind of love New York. I’ve never been there in person. Just a lot happens there. Educationally and socially the world is now open to me. I am not limited to what is going on in my community. I hope this doesn’t completely go away.

10. Finally, storytelling and music. I found it hard to read new things in the lockdown for a while, but in March friends asked me to a virtual book club of three books I already read and we reread them together which took us into the summer. I rediscovered the Foundation series of Asimov and suddenly I could read again! My favorite book I’ve read published in 2020 is Jess Walter’s The Cold Million. I did read a digital advance copy of David Duchovny’snew book due out in 2021 and it is, in fact, the breakout novel I knew this hot young writer would eventually write. Looking forward to 2021 book club! I finally binged Breaking Bad and The Travelers as well as The Queens gambit and watched Peanut Butter Falcon. I am doing a disability focused watch on the X Files and I better kick it it the rear because I’m presenting on it in Feb. at a conference. My God, Dylan put out his first original music in eight years. It will take me eight years to fully ingest it and enjoy it. You see, no matter what happens, humanity will tell its stories and gather to make its songs. It’s that human resilience. Creation of art is not trivial. It’s vital. It has continued in this odd and strange year. It is humanity’s greatest gift and I have definitely used it this year as a resilience and growth tool.

Those are my top blessings in this horrific and, yet, wondrous year. However, you have been impacted, what we all share in common is that In a very short time it will be a memory of a year in the past.

[smokeybrandreviews]

The King of Iron Fist

I don’t talk about this much but i am a massive, massive, fan of fighting games. I’ve been playing these things for decades, since all the way back in ‘92 with the release of the original Mortal Kombat. Watching the growth, decline, and then resurgence of the fighting game community has been a goddamn treat for me. Admittedly, i suck at the Capcom titles. Absolutely terrible. I do okay with the Rival Schools franchise, but outside of that, straight up balls, man. Never my forte. I’m pretty good with the original MK trilogy, the sprite based one, but absolutely awful with Deadly Alliance through Deception. I hated the fighting styles in those games. They were so goddamn awful, it was sickening. I do okay with the MKIX, MKX, and MKXI titles, though. They feel like the old games which lends itself to my old timey skill set. That said, my strength lies with the two Namco headliners; Tekken and Soul Calibur.

I mastered every Tekken title through 7, though, admittedly, I'm not so godly in the newest release, only great. Personally. For me, Tekken 5: Dark Resurrection is the title I'm best with. I love that game, man. I can use literally everyone in the roster to perfection. All of their moves. All of their ten-hits. I maxed out my rank in the Ghost Battles with several of the characters and ranked in the top-10, worldwide, leader boards when it was first released. I was feeling a bit nostalgic and wanted to revisit my favorite fighting franchise, giving a little love to my favorite fighters, kind of like how i did with my Persona 5 mains. They are ranked, top to bottom, in order of my skill with them. I even threw in the rank i reached in their respective Tekken games, just for good measure. Since 6 is the last one i really spent any time with and there might be a few characters introduced in 7 or, like, the Tag titles that I'm pretty good with but don’t really have a correlation in rank, I'll have to approximate my skill with a Tekken 6 rank, just to keep things equal.

1. Emilie De Rochefort - Tekken 5 - Tekken God

Lili is my main from 5 onward. Her speed, power, and cross-ups are ridiculous. There is a fluidity to her style that makes for an amazing number of possibilities. All of those flips, somersaults, and hopping knee pokes make for a varying arsenal of devastating stuns. If you can time your attacks right, you can string one, long ass, chain of hits that will deplete an enemy with a Perfect within seconds. Her strength carried over into Tekken 6, easily winning me over in that title, too. I haven’t played much of 7 but what i did get into, Lili feels a little nerfed. She just feels a bit slower than she should. That’s not a problem or whatever, but it is kind of annoying that have to have so many gaps in my assault.

2. Hwoarang - Tekken 3 - Tekken God

Hwoarang was my main for years. He was the very first character that i mastered in any Tekken title. See, my older brother would come over with his PlayStation and commence to beat my ass in Tekken 3 for hours. One day, he told me to actually get good and lent me his Sony for a week. Welp, i did just that. I got good. Real f*cking good. Hwoarang uses Tae Kwon Do, which is dope because it’s easy to combo with, but this dude’s strength is in his juggle potential. His kicks lack the power of his master, Baek Doo San, but they come out faster and in more numbers. Within that week, i was able to string together a flurry of devastating kicks that not even my big brother could counter. Twenty-three years later, he still hasn’t beat me in a single game. If Lili isn’t available, Hwoarang is my guy. Even so, i am probably equally skilled with both, i just prefer the stylish flourish my darling Emilie has with her style.

3. Steve Fox - Tekken 4 - Tekken God

Steve was a quandary when he first released. Dude has no kicks and it was ridiculous to see in a game with such an expansive roster of fighters like Tekken, especially in the fourth iteration. His addition was ridiculous to me. And then i tried him. My, god, was his speed stupid. See, in a fighter like this, speed kills. If you can bust a quick combo, maybe juggle a cat, maybe fired off a quick combo before retreating out of counter range, you can destroy an opponent in seconds. That’s why i love Lili. That’s why i love Hwoarang. Steve Fox has that same potential but it’s different. You can’t launch characters too easily and being a puncher, his reach is limited, but you can juggle the f*ck out of them if they end up airborne. Steve has a lot of weapons to f*ck you up in a near infinite juggle if you’re not careful and i know all of them. Interestingly enough, he’s gotten better with age. I prefer his 5 version but 6 and 7 are pretty beefy, too.

4. Kazuya Mishima - Tekken - Tekken Lord

Kazuya is my power hitter. I’m a speed guy, admittedly. I love the juggle. I love the chains. I love the artistry in forging a string of consecutive, devastating, combo hits. The issue is, there are motherf*ckers like Paul Phoenix who can punch a planet into retrograde in this game. Now, against a computer, I'm fine with my main three Tekken Gods. I’ll dog walk a computer, no matter how high the difficulty. Once you’ve beaten Jinpachi on the highest setting in Tekken 5, you are ready for anything. However, against a real person who knows how to use a power character like the f*cking bears or goddamn Jack? Nah. If they’re good with that heavy-hitter, i have to bring in my own and Kazuya is that ringer. Dude’s probably the second strongest character in the the game after his pops, Heihachi Mishima. The difference? Kazuya’s cross ups are f*cking ridiculous. All of that twirling and overhead kicks make for some confusing hurt when you know how to execute.

5. Eliza - Tekken 7 - Tekken Lord

Eliza was an interesting character for me to pick up. I was curious about her so i bought that money pit Tekken Revolution or whatever. I hated that game so much but i played enough Eliza to feel borderline conceited in my ability. Imagine my elation when my darling drowsy vampire made her cannon appearance in Tekken 7. Again, i didn’t play much, but i did find that my Revolution skills translated well and i was even able to pick up a few new tricks. Eliza, admittedly, is super wonky to master, she’s similar to Alisa Bosconovitch that way, but her mix ups are superb. If you put in the time, Eliza is a very rewarding character to play.

6. Marshall Law - Tekken - Tekken Lord

The elder Law is my guy. I’m a sucker for a Bruce Lee facsimile and Marshall is one of the best out there. He has a good combination of speed and power but it’s his mix ups that endear him to my heart. That and i learned how to play with him because Forest Law, Lee’s son, was the character my brother beat my ass so handily with for months in Tekken 3. I learned Forest out of spite but, when his pops returned in 4, i made sure to master that version, as well. Over time, i grew to love playing with Marshall. He has a very unique, very acrobatic and showy style, like his real life inspiration.

7.  Jun Kazama - Tekken - Tekken Lord

Jun ain’t no joke. That Kazama style martial art is something nasty. I could have probably put Asuka here, i am about as good with her as i am Jun considering how similar their styles are, but i have to give respect to the original tooth fairy. Jun Kazama is a f*cking problem, man, She’s deceptively powerful but quick with those hands. She will poke the f*ck out of you with such insidious precision, you won’t even realize you died even after the match is called. The way her blows flow make for some unwieldy mix ups and stupid juggle stuns. I hated fighting her in 2. I hated fighting her even more in the Tag titles. But i love fighting WITH her, especially if you can master that funky timing she has.

8. Lee Chaolan - Tekken 4 - Tekken Lord

Lee is bit of a detraction form my usual fighting fare. He’s kind of a gag character. A little effeminate and a little cruel, Lee’s kicks are the real deal. This cat sends those footsy out at blinding speed and you know how much i love my speed. The thing is, he lacks the power of, say, Hwoarang, Baek, or Bruce. I actually picked up Lee n 4, then Violet, on a whim because i thought it would be funny to beat someone with a character i had no idea how to play. After that first round, though, i was on it.Dude felt good in my hands. I knew Lee was something special and spent the rest of the night with his pokey kicks and flying drop kicks. It was f*cking incredible. I couldn’t believe i slept on such an amazing character for so long. I went back to Tekken 2 and spent weeks with him just to get a proper feel from start to finish. Now, he’s a staple of my rotation. Only when I'm feeling flamboyant, though.

9. Devil Kazuya - Tekken 2 - Dragon Lord

I picked up Devil Kazuya way back in Tekken 2 because i liked the design. Also, the face laser. That sh*t was stupid. As time went on, and the games advanced, i always went back to Tekken 2 in an effort to hone my skills with the original Devil. To my surprise, when Tekken 7 dropped, Devil Kazuya was playable once again and my skills translated perfectly. Dude has a few new tricks and i immediately ate those f*ckers up but it felt so good taking to the air once more. It sucks he only has two, official, appearances but this is one of those cats that i played a lot with in the Tag titles. Like, SO much. Devi was my second choice after Hwoarang in the original Tekken Tag and, like, my fourth in Tekken Tag 2. Obviously, I'm just as good with Angel, too. I mean, they’re the same f*cking character so i better be!

10. Anna Williams - Tekken 2 - Dragon Lord

Oh, the Williams sisters. Similar to the case of Jun and Asuka, I'm probably equally as good with both the Williams but Anna is my preferred character. I just like her design better. That and her deceptive ass sexuality. Anna is gorgeous but she will f*ck you the f*ck up. The Williams sisters are power characters and you can’t tell me otherwise. These chicks will ruin your life as a fast as Paul Phoenix if you’re facing off against someone who knows how to use them. I know how to use them very well. Again, Anna over Nina, but I'll mess you up regardless.

11. Zafina - Tekken 6 - Dragon Lord

Zafina was a surprise. Her style is all over the place. I read somewhere it was designed after a snake or something. That sh*t is fitting because she is a slippery motherf*cker, man. Zafina took me a while to master, kind of like Eliza, but once you understand her strengths, this chick can be a proper powerhouse. She’s quick, juggles well, but pokes like a f*cking champ. If your poke game is strong with her, there’s a good chance you can stun lock an opponent into a perfect or two.

12. Devil Jin - Tekken 5 - Dragon Lord

Admittedly, i wanted to put Jin from Tekken 3 on this list. His mixture of Kazama and Mishima style martial arts is mad potent. I love the way dude plays. It’s like fighting with Jun and Kazuya at the same time. However, with the release of Tekken 4, Jin unlearned literally everything about the Mishima style and decided to master normal karate. That sh*t was whack, man. I mean, it was fine, i learned the new Jin fine, but it wasn’t MY Jin. That said, my Jin was in the game, only he took the form of a devil. Devil Jin is f*cking ridiculous. I understood a lot of his abilities because of my mastery of Devil Kazuya but, with the addition of the Kazama style martial arts, Devil Jin was a f*cking beast in that game. He’s kind of a beast in every game he makes an appearance. between the two, i prefer Devil Kazuya, but I'll wreck a guy with Jin if necessary.

13. Bryan Fury - Tekken Tag Tournament - Dragon Lord

I love Bryan Fury. The design, the inspiration, the brutal fighting style, that ridiculously evil laugh; Dude is just amazing. I got pretty good with Bruce Irvin in Tekken 2 so when he wasn’t around in Tekken 3, i was a little bummed. It took awhile for me to pick of Fury, i actually first really got into the character in Tag but i did fool around with him in 3 a little bit. That was after i was surprised by how effortlessly powerful he was in Tag. Dude ain’t Bruce, but he’s still pretty dope.

Honorable Mentions: Unknown, Armor King, Ling Xiaoyu, Alisa Bosconovitch, Heihachi Mishima, Bruce Irvin, Kazumi Mishima, Miguel Caballero Rojo, Josie Rizal, Eddy Gordo

[paging-dr-bowen]

Tips for Interview Season

Congratulations on your invitation to interview at the residency programs of your dreams! The time period between submitting your ERAS and awaiting your first invitation to interview is nerve wrecking.  You might get bombarded with a couple rejection letters in the first few days (some programs even make errors by sending their rejection letters 3-4 times…like okay okay I get it it’s not you…it’s me…haha but don’t get discouraged your perfect match is still out there).  But what do you do before this time period? Here are some tips below:

1. ERAS photo – This is most likely your first business headshot ever. Or at least it was for me. Go to a photo studio like J.C. Penny (they have affordable Group On deals for $20 and under for a couple headshots) or grab a friend with a decent camera and some good lighting. Photo should show a welcoming smile (this is not a mugshot or a passport photo).  Attire should be simple, no distracting patterns or jewelry.  Think grays, blues, blacks, and calm pastels.  For men I’ve noticed a tie is a must. For women a blouse or a button up is fine, no cleavage.  Wear your hair how you will wear it during interviews because they will use the photo to reference you. Hair up or down is fine just keep it neat. I wore my hair in braids/twists and wore it loose and to the side.  Background of the photo should be a neutral color, try to avoid white. 2. Interview attire – Focusing on the ladies for this one, fellas interview attire is pretty standard across the board (business suit and business shoes). Aim to get about 3 outfits to cycle between especially for those weeks you have multiple interviews.  Pants suits and skirt suits or a dress and a blazer are the go-to outfits.  If opting for a dress or skirt length should at least be to the knees when sitting and wear nude/black stockings. Colors you should aim for a navy blue, gray, black and I even saw a candidate in a really nice forest green pant suit.  The idea is to get neutral colors and offset it with a nice pop of color that isn’t too distracting.  Limit the jewelry to simple pieces (stud earring and a simple necklace is fine, avoid bangles and bracelets that make noise).  Comfortable shoes are a must, I bought a 1.5inch closed toed-pumps and half way through interview season I resorted to just wearing my business everyday flats I wear on my clinical rotations from Clarks (got a lot of compliments too…I’m just like this old thang?). Just like your ERAS photo, wear your hair up or down is fine, just keep it neat.  Nice companies to buy clothing from are Ann Taylor Loft, Express, Banana Republic, Macy’s, Gap etc. You can bring a leather portfolio or a simple black leather tote (small to medium) to store a note pad, pen and a bottle of water and any other essentials like your wallet. For outerwear, a nice pea coat or trench coat pairs well with business attire.  Don’t over think it, most of the program directors I encountered have said they don’t really care about your attire so don’t break the bank on your medical school income (non-existent) but just put yourself together nicely.

3. Work on your elevator pitch. School?  Hometown? What is your passion within medicine? Why do you want the field you’re applying to? What are you looking for in a residency program (all the curriculums look generally the same due to AAMC requirements but what additional factors are important to you – is it location? Close to home? On-call hours? Specific elective opportunities? Why would they want you? Having a concise statement to answer all of these questions in a minute or less in a way that doesn’t sound scripted will prepare you for interviews as well as networking opportunities outside of your interviews. 4. Homework to do before your interview: Know the resident profiles of the residency – read about their values, experiences and interests to see how you’d fit in.  Re-read your personal statement if it might have been a while since you read it.  Re-read your CV you submitted on ERAS to make sure you remember every activity or research you inclluded in case it is a conversation piece. Do some research on the faculty and the program director that will be interviewing you (think of it as the equivalence to some light facebook stalking…you wouldn’t reiterate all their accolades but it’s nice to know to causally drop in a conversation when you have nothing to talk about so you can get them talking about theirselves) 5. What do they ask you on interviews? Anything …really. The most common questions I was asked in every interview were: Tell me about yourself. Why do you want to be a ____doctor? Why our program? What are your strengths and weaknesses? What are your career plans for after residency?  Beyond these questions it was really casual conversation.  The number one question you are guaranteed to be asked a million times are: Do YoU hAvE aNy QuEsTiOnS fOr Me? …you might want to say no but please don’t.  Before your interview you should review the program’s website and make note of things you’d like to ask questions about.  If you think you know there is everything to know about this program you can restate facts about the program you love and ask them to elaborate further or just simply try your best to form a question…it shows interest (they say it’s okay if you don’t have any but please try to have 1 or 2).  You are interviewing them just as much as they are interviewing you. 6. How will your interview day be structured? Most programs send you an itinerary the week or a few days before the interview telling you how long each portion is and with whom.  If they don’t, you can request it politely but you still might not get it until the day of the interview (which sucks because you can’t do your research on your interviewers but it’s okay). On average interviews can range from 15minutes-30 minutes per interview and you can get anywhere from 3-5 or more of those per day.  Interview day is long but you will get used to it. At some point there will be a tour of the hospital given by a resident (this is where comfy shoes come in handy).  After a while you’ll be over seeing another hospital because let’s be honest every ICU looks the same for the most part but your job is to stay tuned in and again…ask questions because the hospital tour is an interview just like everything else during the day.  Be friendly and get to know the other candidates, you might make friendships that last beyond interview day and who knows you might end up at the same program.  The programs are also taking note of how you interact with people and whether or not you’re a good fit for their program. 7. So its October/November and I still haven’t heard from the program of my dreams rejecting me or inviting me to an interview. Or maybe I haven’t heard from any programs at all? Here’s where a polite letter of intent comes in handy. Some programs use filters to help them sift through the thousands of applications they get. You might have been lost by the filter. Send a letter of intent and make it as personalized as possible to the programs you haven’t heard from stating why you think you’d be a great fit for their program and what you love about their program and if they would review your application for an interview.  Late November, I haven’t heard back from one of the programs I desired and I sent them an email and was offered an interview a few days later. So I can say it definitely is worth doing. 8. Expenses.  Interview season is expensive. You may need to take out extra in your student loans than you do usually. Things that will cost you extra money are the ERAS application fee which increases the more programs you apply to, gas for your car for interviews you drive to,  Uber/Lyft or other rideshare, air fare for interviews you may have to fly to, hotels for overnight stays that aren’t covered by the residency program (I lucked out because Family Medicine programs on average love to wine and dine us and reserved nice hotels for me to stay in free of charge ).  My entire interview season costed me about $6,000.  The AAMC estimates that for students the range is anywhere from $3,000-$7,000.  It varies depending on how many interviews are local or how many programs you applied to.  Sooo much money I know…but if it makes you feel better you get free lunch on interview day and even a three course dinner if you opt to go to the “optional” pre-interview social the night before (Take advantage). You might also be visiting a new town or city, if you can explore the area a bit before going home it’s a nice mini trip and way to see if you could imagine yourself living there for the next 3+ years. 9. Pre-interview dinner – is it optional? It is but if you can go, I’d say go.  It’s a nice chance to get to know some of the residents outside of work without the faculty around. You also get to eat like a king on someone else’s dime. They won’t scrutinize you for not going but it does look nice if you went. If you do go, don’t just sit there and eat, please be social because although the residents say its casual…your impressions do matter. 10. Cancelling interviews. If you have been blessed with a decent amount of interviews and you can confidently say you are at a comfortable amount with all the programs you desire going to scheduled then by all means cancel.  Cancel as early as you can so it leaves room for other applicants who may have wanted to interview there to accept the offer.  Generally, 1 week to a month in advance is preferred.  Be polite when doing so because it does reflect on your school. 10 interviews scheduled is the average comfort zone (so they say).  I was paranoid and went on way more interviews beyond that because I wanted to be sure of my choice in the end.  I’m happy I did that because if I were to cancel interviews without going to see the program in person I’m sure I’d miss out.  On that same note, don’t be afraid to reject interview offers from places you know you absolutely would not want to end up (this may happen if you applied broadly just to have some options) – only do this if you have a decent amount of interviews scheduled. 11. What do I do after interview day? Most programs will say do not reach out with a thank you note. If they don’t say this you are free to send a thank you note if you wish. I did not send any thank you notes and I don’t believe it negatively affected me.  Interview season is very busy for the program coordinators scheduling interviews…they don’t need to read my generic thank you note/email that I will be sending to every program.  However, if I did have a question that wasn’t answered on interview day I would go ahead and reach out. 12. How do I make my Rank Order List? Only rank programs you interviewed at because only those programs have a chance at ranking you.  Only rank programs you would like to end up at. Rank them in the order of YOUR preference not how you think they might like you.  Go with your gut. I advise you send  a letter of intent as you make your Rank List to the program directors of perhaps your top 5 programs.  I sent a letter to my number one program telling them I will be ranking them number 1.  To programs #2-5 I told them I was ranking them highly.  You might not get any response (that’s okay), Match rules say programs can’t tell you they’re ranking you and they can’t ask you if you’re ranking them but there aren’t any rules against you volunteering the information.  Be careful of wording, I would NOT tell my number 2 program that I am ranking them number 2 (no one wants to hear that).  Make sure to tell them what you love about their program as well and why you’d be a great fit. 13. How will I know if I will match? You don’t. You may have feelings. Programs might tell you they think you’d be a great fit. You might get a post card or a letter from programs or a phone call follow up. They might hint and nudge and wink at you. With all this being said…you still don’t know for sure what the outcome of Match Day will be.  All you can do is hope, pray and have faith that the feelings you got from those interactions are genuine.

[missfaber]

author interview

I was tagged by @orangeflavoryawp, thank you so much! 

I already know I’m going to enjoy this way too much, writing is such a lonely endeavor and I just love talking about it, sooo... I apologize in advance for rambling. 

name: Madeline/Maddie 

fandoms: this is complicated because there’s fandoms I very much consider myself a part of because they’re just a huge part of my life, even though I don’t contribute content to them, and then there’s fandoms I do create content for. So idk where the line is drawn! 

fandoms I contribute/ have contributed to: Avatar the Last Airbender, Game of Thrones, Merlin BBC, Once Upon a Time, Legend of Korra

fandoms I haven’t contributed to but are so dear to me: Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings (my two favorite things ironically lol), and lots more 

where you post: AO3, used to be ff.net and livejournal too

most popular one shot: by kudos, it’s as if death itself was undone (zutara, atla: katara wakes up to azula in their house and wants to find out a) why she is welcome b) why zuko is acting so weird) 

most popular multichapter: by kudos, it’s soldier, go bravely on (jonsa + gendrya, got, complete, rewrite of the last episode of got with sweetness and angst and action, and may i say some common sense?)

favorite story you wrote: fuck omg this is difficult lol! because I both criticize and love all my stories in equal measure, I honestly don’t write anything that i don’t love, that doesn’t give me butterflies / actual chest pain (from angst). I feel like I’m being asked to choose a favorite child lol. so I’ll try to justify these picks somehow... 

closest to my heart: soldier, go bravely on (also mentioned above). this is the fic that brought me back to writing fic, and to tumblr even! I was on hiatus (that I didn’t know was a hiatus because I had no intention of coming back) for six years before writing this fic. I wrote it so quickly after the got finale, it was such a passionate and fevered few days and it just sucked me back in to everything I used to love as a teenager. It was also a nice stretch out of my comfort zone, because of the dialogue (which was so tightly planned it’s ridiculous, I wrote the whole fic as a screenplay type thing first to make sure there wasn’t a single dialogue word not needed) and tv-episode style. It’s also such a wish-fulfillment fic that I can’t read certain parts without getting a bit teary. for all those reasons and more, this fic will always be so special to me. 

most proud of: wolf, circle north (jonsa, got, alternate season 7 & 8). this is the longest fic I’ve ever attempted and the number I’ve hours I’ve sunk into it is astounding and i should be ashamed.  It’s going to be obscenely long (my outline is 70+ chapters) and when I pull it off, best believe it’s going into a bound book so I can look at how thicc it is and be like, “I did that!” lol. The range of POVs is one of the most challenging but most rewarding part of this fic, and why I’m so proud of it. This is another wish-fulfillment fic for me, not just because it’s another fix-it fic but because I have been writing bits and pieces of this fic for about three years. I kept thinking of jonsa scenarios and little scenes I would have loved to see after season 6 and writing them in a little secret doc, just for me, as I never thought I’d write fic again. After writing “soldier” i had already broken my hiatus and I realized this fic was an actual possibility, so I put it out into the world. I couldn’t be more happy that I did that. Not only did it give me the chance to be in such an excellent, lovely fandom, but the feedback I get is so validating after having this be my secret little project for so long.  

most formative: Coffee & Cigarettes, (merthur, merlin bbc) I’m ashamed to list this and the merthurs reading this 100% want to kill me for having the audacity because it’s incomplete and hasn’t been updated since 2013 when there’s only one chapter left so what’s my excuse?  I call this the most formative for me because until I published this I didn’t really have a fic that people followed and liked, eagerly awaited updates for, and commented regularly on. I was writing a lot of one-shots and atla stuff on tumblr (I used to RP lmao I was like 15 ok?) This was the first time I experienced so many fic-life things, like being excited to get AO3 emails, etc. This was the first time I started to really focus on character which is so important to me now, my writing is completely character driven. Not to mention Merlin and Arthur’s dumbassery and sheer attraction and denial is just... *chef’s kiss* 

guiltiest pleasure: my recent foray into nedsei, who am I??? one more word and you won’t survive, just international hate sex

story you were most nervous to post: ummm idk I’m usually excited not nervous, since for me fic writing is just fun, I write things I’d enjoy reading and that I’m proud of. I read my own fics more than anyone else does, I guarantee it. am I a narcissist? who knows I guess I’ll say “soldier” again because I hadn’t posted fic in six years.

how you choose your titles: wow the hardest part of fic writing for me!!!!! thanks!!!!! lol. Okay so for my work titles, which are always terrible and I literally regret them immediately after posting, it’s usually just some words I play around with and string together that are somewhat thematic and related to the work... they’re always terrible lmao, I hate making titles. I mean, look at “soldier, go bravely on” and “wolf, circle north” for god’s sake, I hate them lmao. But I have to pick a title to post, so!!! For chapter titles and one-shots I’ll usually go with a song lyric, and especially for my chapter titles I spend so long seeking out the perfect one that reflects some thematic or emotional content of the chapter somehow. I’m very proud of my chapter titles for wolf, circle north. I have a doc on my scrivener just for chapter titles that I created in the very early stages of writing it, where I just dumped HUNDREDS of song lyrics that I thought I might use. Then by them I wrote some scenarios where they could work. here’s a screenshot:

It’s so helpful now. Sometimes posting an update will take an hour more than necessary because of me going through that doc, finding the perfect lyric. 

do you outline: OH, DO I OUTLINE... Hell Yeah, I outline. I couldn’t live without outlining. I love outlining. My outlines have outlines. I’m a planner centric, calendar centric, bullet-journal bitch so of course I love outlining. In all seriousness though: I write out of chronological order. I feel my writing is best when I write the scene I’m in the mood to write- unfortunately this scene could be ten chapters down the line from the chapter I’m gonna post next. This is the biggest reason outlining is necessary for me. If I didn’t have an outline, my story would be a non-post-able mess. 

I wasn’t kidding when I said my outlines have outlines. For wolf, circle north I have, um, a few. Character/location centric outlines where I bullet every scene that needs to happen for that plot to happen cohesively (these were all more or less completed before I even started writing the fic), then a “loose” outline that I copy everything from the other outlines into for some semblance of chronological order, then a Polished Final Outline that I write from. I know that sounds psychotic. It’s how my brain works. Some photo evidence/explanation:

And here’s a screengrab of my Final Outline, this is pretty much how it is all the way down- The POV character is italicized in the front, I talk to myself a lot in there, let myself get carried away, will sometimes write out whole segments of the scene if they come to me while outlining. Spoilers for chapters 1-3 of w,cn I guess!!!

Then, because scrivener is awesome, I get to see this outline in the corkboard view (I input every scene as a card) and so I get to see every part of my outline as a Synopsis on the right hand side of the doc where I’m writing the scene:

The POV and status tags (which are completely customizable) on the lower right are helpful too. This post is just a scrivener ad. 

complete: 9 works 

in progress: 4 works

coming soon / not yet started: I have so many fics in the works, I’m an indulgent person so if an idea comes to me I usually go with it for a time. I’ve had a very not-serious Jonsa PLL AU I’ve been writing on and off since summer. I have three different fairytale AUs (also jonsas) I’ve been working on and one time travel AU for @sunbeamsandmoonrays. I can’t say when or if any of these will see the light of day, because my priority is my WIPs and my original writing. But the most prevalent are my Halloween fics (one jonsa, one gendrya, one merthur) which I really want to be able to put out this month, but only if I meet some other goals. I’m trying to rein in my indulgent ass, ya’ll. 

do you accept prompts: no. sorry! but I do workshop ideas with friends, for example the nedsei fic happened that way by talking with @flibbertigiblet. But I don’t take writing prompts in my inbox. 

upcoming story you are most excited to write: my halloween merthur fic. it’s witchy, sassy, and I’m so excited to get back into the heads of these characters.

Tagging! @uchihabat @anniebibananie @noqueenbutthequeeninthenorth @sailorshadzter @vivilove-jonsa and any other lovely writer soul who wants to do this!

[timelock97]

Out of Order Love

Chapter Fourteen: Reality Check

tomhollandxreader

Summary:  It was meant to be a fun time in Vegas. Spending time with the best friend and celebrate getting done with college to turn the page to a new chapter in life. If only (Y/N) realized she would be turning a few extra pages by accidentally marrying her favorite actor.

Word Count: 2284

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9  Part 10  Part 11  Part 12  Part 13

(Y/F/B/G) - Your favorite baked good

-

"Well, hello there Tessa baby!" I coo as I walk into the house Friday afternoon, Tess dancing around my feet. I run a hand over her neck and face as she laps a quick kiss to my cheek. I lift my head and listen. The house is quiet, "Tom?"

"Living room, love. How was work?" Tom's tense voice carries through the house. I walk in and see Tom running a hand over his face stressfully, his phone in his hand that is resting on his knee.

"It was good," I say, voice trailing. Once I am closer to him, Tom stands and walks over to me pulling me into a hug. "You okay?" I ask, squeezing him a little closer to me, nuzzling my face into the crook of his neck.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," His voice comes out rushed, switching over to the Queens accent, making me smile. "I was wondering if you wanted to go out and do something today?"

"Like what?" I laugh, pulling away from him slightly to seeing how frazzled he is in his eyes.

"Uh, I don't know." He says swaying us back and forth. "Let's just do something. We can, uh-" he looks to the side then back at me- "let's get you out of your scrubs then we can go out and do something." Tom pushing me toward our room making me laugh louder as I walk backwards. He picks me up slightly, making me squeal and throws me on the bed and he turns back to our closet.

"Are you sure you're okay, Tom?" I call, sitting up on the bed, pulling my hair from its ponytail and letting it fluff out on my head.

"I'm perfect, love!" He calls back. He comes back with a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt. He hands them to me, stopping to laugh at my fluffy hair, "You look like you have a mane, darling." He reaches out to attempt to tame it but in reality he only fluffs it more.

I swat his hands away, "You're making it worse, ya weirdo. I'll brush it after I change." I expect him to leave right away, instead he grabs the bottom of my shirt and attempts to pull it over my head, but I swat him away. "Figure out what we are doing and I'll change, okay?" I blush, giggling. He nods quickly before he slips out of the door, shutting it behind him. Something is definitely up. What is he not telling me? As I change I look up any articles online on my phone. All that comes up are articles from months ago about possible TomDaya sightings, so nothing on there. I run my hands into my hair and untangle it slightly, taming my hair. When I walk out, I see Tom quickly hanging up his phone, giving me a weary smile.

"So, I was thinking of you and I going to the park or we could go to the art fair that is in town or-"

I cut him off with another hug, he doesn't say anything else for a minute and just hugs me back. When he thinks that I am done, he pulls away. When he does a gently grab Tom's face and look at him. "Tom, what's wrong? And don't tell me that it is nothing, I can tell something's up." Tom looks down, his happy facade disappearing. "We're in this together, remember?"

"I know, I just wanted to do something with you. Just the two of us." He looks at me slightly, and sighs. "Is there anything you like to do?"

I watch him for a minute, hoping he will come out and tell me what's wrong, but he stays silent. "We could go out and visit that new bakery in town? The girls at work love it." I suggest, trying to get him to relax.

"That sounds like fun-"

"If we go, when we get home you have to tell me what is going on, okay? I don't believe that it's just because you want to do something with me. Not that I'm complaining on spending time with you..."

He lets out a small laugh, leaning into my hand. Nodding, Tom wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me closer, pressing a kiss to my forehead. When he pulls away, he turns on the radio and walks with me to the door so we can put our shoes on. Tom helps me slip on my coat and opens the door for me. I glance at him and see sadness in his eyes. Once we are in the car, and I back out of the driveway, I grab his hand and hold it.

"How was your day? Did you go to the gym with Haz?"

"Yeah," He says, shifting in his seat, "We just worked on basic stuff. Nothing super advanced."

"Anything you do is super advanced compared to anything I do." I laugh, making him smile.

"Maybe you should come come with us next time. I can show you how to box-"

"That is way to advanced for me, Holland. I'll stick to my own workout routine." I counter back.

"Which is what? I have never seen you work out since we moved in." He jokes back

"That's because you aren't awake when I do it." I tease, I glance to the side to see him roll his eyes, "Don't roll your eyes at me, mister!" I bat at his chest , causing him to bark with laughter.

"You're no fun." He teases playfully, smiling at me.

"I am the epitome of fun." I pout making him chuckle.

Tom begins playing with my fingers, moving my fake engagement ring around when he does. "So, uh, any funny stories from today?"

I nod, thinking back to my morning. "One of my elderly patients talked to me about her advice on marriage. A guy teased her and said that she has had so many guys after her that she has no room to talk, then they started arguing." I glance at Tom, seeing his jaw clenched slightly, "They were married."

"What?" Tom's face softens as he laughs.

"Yup, been married 40 years. He just enjoys giving her shit." I laugh. Tom smiles next to me, then I see his smile fall slightly. "Tom, c'mon, what's going on? You're worrying me-"

"Just a rough day, love. I'll tell you about it later." He avoids again.

I glance at him, before pulling into the bakery parking lot. Tom and I walk in and look at the vast menu. "Does anything look good, Tom?" I ask, slipping my arm around his and leaning my head onto his shoulder.

He hums next to me and nods, "I think I'll get a danish and a cup of tea. What about you, love?" He looks down at me, before pressing another kiss to my nose.

"I think I'll get (Y/F/B/G) and a hot chocolate." I say, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

"Why don't you go grab a table and I'll order." He suggests.

I nod and walk away from him as he gets to the front of the line. I sit by the vast window in the back that overlooks the park. I shrug off my coat and place it on the back of the chair. As I do, I notice a few girls have their phones out and are taking pictures of Tom's backside. I giggle to myself and place my head in my hand, turning and looking out the window to the chilly November day. People walk through the park with heavy winter coats, and stocking hats. The leaves have long since fallen off the trees leaving them bare to hold snow when the first storm comes through. Thoughts of Tom and I sitting nestled on the couch on a cold winter's day fills my thoughts, making me smile.

"Here you go, love." Tom's voice pulls me from my thoughts. He hands me my (Y/F/B/G) and hot chocolate before sitting down.

"Thank you, handsome." I smile, this causes him to smile back and the two of us eat our breaded sweets in silence. "Wanna bite?" I ask, especially since he hasn't tried to sneak a bite from me yet. He nods and I move the baked good over to him and he takes a big bite. The cream off the top coating the corner of his mouth. I giggle and lean across and wipe it off with my thumb. Tom blushes when I bring my thumb back to my lips and suck the cream off. He offers his danish to me wordlessly. I take a bite and smile at the sweetness in my mouth. "I think I might actually like yours better than mine."

"Would you like to switch?" He teases, offering his over again.

"Only if you do." I say back. Tom takes mine from my hand and hands me his. We finish after a few minutes and the two of us go back to looking outside, watching as people pass by.

Tom sighs next to me, "Is there anything specific you want to do with your family tomorrow?" He looks sad behind the smile on his face.

"Actually," I start, taking a sip of my hot chocolate, "my mom called on my drive home, her and my dad are heading up to see my grandparents this weekend instead. So, unless you would like to go up too, we have tomorrow to do whatever."

"I think I'd like to stay home, if that's alright?" He says.

"That's fine, but I would like to go up next weekend. You don't have to if you don't want to-"

"No, I'll go, I want to. I just, just want some time with you." His voice trails again. I reach across and grab his hand.

"Tom-"

"I'm just thinking about going to film in January, nothing to really worry about. I got some info from Curtis earlier today, I'm okay." He tries again. I watch him but nod, he'll tell me the real reason when we get home. After we spend about another hour at the bakery, Tom and I walk to through the art fair that is scattered around town before the two of us head home. He walks in to let Tess out while I grab the mail. The only thing in the mailbox is a large envelope. I pull it out and walk back up to the house opening it as I let myself in.

"Were we expecting anything in the mail, Tom?"

"Like what?" He calls back, his voice shaking slightly. He walks around the corner to see the packet in his hand. "(Y/N)-"

I pull the packet out and read the top, 'Terms of Divorce.' I stare at the packet and let out a shaky breath. "I thought these weren't supposed to come in for another two weeks."

"Curtis called me today and told me they were going to be coming in any day now." Tom whispers. I look up at him and see that he was looking at the papers in my hands in disgust. His behavior form earlier now makes sense. After a minute of tense silence, I walk and set the papers on the table. "Let's not worry about it tonight." Tom mutters, now standing behind me. He takes the papers and slides them so that they are no longer within my grasp.

"We have to talk about it some time." I mutter, staring at the papers, willing them to disappear. They don't.

"We will," Tom says, turning me away from the table and to him, holding my face in his hands. "Just not tonight. It's Friday, let's order takeout and we can watch a movie, or some shit. Make it a normal Friday night, spend it with my wife and princess." He almost begs.

I smile slightly, and nod. "Yeah, you order something and I'll go pick it up."

"I can have someone deliver it-"

"Nah," I say walking away from him to grab a glass from the cupboard, doing anything to distract myself, "I can go pick it up. You get the fun part of picking out the movie."

He laughs, but I can hear how forced it is. He pulls his phone out and orders from the Italian place that the two of us went out to the first time. The tension in the air is so thick, it could be cut with a knife. Once he hangs up, he lets out a sigh. "It'll be about twenty minutes-"

"I'll just head over, it'll take about that much time for me to get there." I say, smiling at him. He opens his mouth to say something but, nothing comes out, so he just nods and follows me to the door. He hands me a credit card then helps me into my coat. I wave at him once I get in the car and I start driving. After a minute, I pull over and open the glove box and see the ring box. I slowly reach for it and pull it out. The ring is nestled in the fabric snugly, I take it out and turn it in my hands. A shaky breath slips past my lips as a tear rolls down my cheek. I pull my phone out of my pocket, it illuminates with a picture of Tom and I from when he got home on Sunday that Haz had taken.

"Divorce papers are in. Its now or never, I guess." I whisper, breaking the last bit of silence before I set the ring down and start driving again.

Part 15 coming soon!

[dibs4ever]

Date Night (Fanfic)

Summary: Dick and Barbara live together, but only as housemates. They arent dating. What happens when Dick is home taking care of their infant son wwhile Barbara goes out on a date.

“Please make sure he’s asleep by nine at the latest.” Barbara instructed

 Dick rolled his eyes “I know, you do realize this is the first night in I don’t know how long that we are both off” he followed her through their shared house. He had his room, she had hers only reason they lived together was because of the person of topic right now.

Barbara rolled her eyes “Probably the same night that resulted in him” she nodded toward the tiny human in Dicks arms

He smiled at the 6-month-old baby giving him a light tickle on his chunky thigh so that he’d giggle.

“Awe and here we are spending it apart” Dick winked

Barbara smiled at him “Give me my baby” she stuck her arms out

Dick smiled handing him over

“Mommy is going to miss her Nathan tonight” she cooed holding the baby over her head

“Nathan tell her to stay here with you and daddy” Dick mocked from over her shoulder

Barbara turned to look at him “Dick.” She said sternly holding Nathan on her hip

Dick shrugged “What? Come on Babs don’t you think this is a little ridiculous? We have a baby together and you’re going out with some other guy” he waved his hands

Nathan took this as a cue that Dick wanted to hold him, so he leaned forward, Barbara passed her son to his father

Barbara shook her head “We discussed this Dick, just because we have a baby together doesn’t mean we should be together”

They stared at each other for a couple seconds

“Well Nate, I guess mommy is just going to miss our amazing dance party” Dick grinned walking toward the living room. Barbara followed behind them and watched Dick turn on the Bluetooth stereo. An upbeat song began to play, Dick began dancing around the room holding the baby over his head, throwing him lightly in the air and carefully spinning around. The baby let out a fit of giggles while Dick smiled from ear to ear.

Barbara shook her head in amusement watching the two Grayson’s. Dick dipped the baby his little tuffs of black hair falling around his chubby face. Nathan let out a loud giggle “Be careful” Barbara smiled

Dick shook his head as he brought the baby back to his chest “Mommy’s no fun” he grinned down at the infant both their blue eyes meeting Nathan looked at Dick as if he knew what he was saying “What’s that?” Dick grinned and paused “Daddy should dance with mommy? What a great idea Nate!” Quickly Dick set the 6-month-old down and grabbed Barbara’s hand pulling her to him

“Dick.” Barbara said lowly

 “Come on just once for the kid?” He shifted his eyes

Barbara looked at her son sitting on the floor, his blue eyes wide with wonder looking at them as he sucked on his thumb

Barbara nodded “Okay but no funny business mister” she poked his chest

Dick held his hands up “I promise”

A slow song began to play, Barbara hesitantly wrapped her arms around Dicks' neck his landed on her waist slowly they swayed to the music. Their dance was cut short by a knock at the door.  

Barbara released her arms “That would be my date” she spoke breaking out of his grasp

Dick watched her leave as she abandoned him for the mystery man behind the front door. He let out a groan and flopped down on the couch resting his head in his hands. Nathan let out a squeal Dick looked up and smiled at the baby who had managed to crawl over to the coffee table and pull himself up, he was advanced for his age which wasn’t a surprise to anyone. “What, you don’t like it when daddy doesn’t give you attention?” he poked the infants chubby belly.

Nathan began giggling causing Dicks smile to grow even larger.

Barbara reentered the room, a short slightly chubby man with thin brown hair and glasses at her side

“Charlie, this is my son Nathan. He’s six-month-old” Barbara said pointed down at her son-their son.

Charlie smiled “What a beautiful child Barbara.”

Barbara smiled “Thank you”

Charlie shook his head and bent down to Nathan’s height “I told you, you didn’t have to get a babysitter. I don’t mind him joining us”

Quickly Dick got off the couch picking his son up before Charlie could touch him “Fathers don’t babysit” Dick spoke sternly his hand protectively rested on his sons back.

Charlie’s jaw dropped “Oh you’re the- “

Dick nodded “Yup, Babs and I made this little guy.... together” he threw his free arm around Barbara’s shoulders “I agree he’s beautiful, I’ve tried to get her to let him do modeling but she says no”

“Dick” Barbara grumbled elbowing him in the gut

Dick let out a cough

“I’m going to use the restroom, then we can get going?” Charlie rose an eyebrow

Barbara nodded and pointed him in the direction

As soon as he was out of earshot Dick turned to her “Seriously Babs?” He said with a wide grin “You’re going to pass up an evening full of cuteness for that?”

 Barbara shook her head “Dick would you stop flirting”

Dick chuckled “I was talking about our son, but I’m flattered” he held a hand to his chest and batted his eyes

“Charlie is.... sweet, he’s always in the library and ever since he found out I had a son he asks about him whenever he checks out a book” Barbara explained

Dick smiled “I’m sure that’s not all he’s checking out” he waggled his eyebrows

Barbara smiled “Just please don’t scare him anymore then you already have, and remember while I’m gone- “

Dick groaned “Yes I know, boob juice is in the fridge, have him bathed and in bed by 9 oh and don’t encourage him to do any acrobatics. This isn’t my first time taking care of him you know” he smiled

Barbara flashed him a smile back she heard Charlie coming out of the bathroom and stepped forward “Bye Baby mommy loves you” she kissed Nathan’s cheek

“Bye Dick, please text me updates” she patted his shoulder before walking toward Charlie

“Bye you two! Have fun...but not too much fun.” Dick winked he waited till the front door closed before he looked at the baby in his arms

“No acrobatics? Who does your mommy think I am? Come on little Grayson let’s see how much better your balance has gotten since last time” Dick laughed tossing the baby playfully into the air and catching him

Barbara was seated at the restaurant across from Charlie who was obviously trying too hard. He had already spilt a glass of water all over his lap and spilled soup down her dress when he attempted to ‘romantically’ feed her from across the table.

“So, the ummm father of your child is he-does he live with you?” Charlie asked nervously

Barbara took a bite of food and nodded “Yeah, but it’s completely platonic and we have separate rooms. We just do because neither of us want to take a chance on missing out on major milestones in our son’s life ya know? Plus, it gives Nathan a stable living environment” she said once she swallowed

Charlie nodded, scrunching up his face oddly “Oh-umm how long were you together before you had Nathan?” He asked

 Barbara shrugged “Ugh well depends how you define together. We’ve known each other since as we're 9. And have gone back and forth with our relationship since we hit puberty “she explained

Charlie nodded shyly, “Well that’s good.... I guess”

Barbara could sense the awkwardness and decided to change the subject “This food is really good, great choice in the restaurant” she nodded in approval

 Her phone vibrated, and she quickly took it out of her purse. She smiled at the image

 Dick:” All fresh and clean ;)”

Barbara replied with  heart emoji “He looks so happy”

 After finishing dinner with Barbara paying because Charlie forgot his wallet at home they decided to go for a walk. They were about a mile from his car when the sky opened, and it began to downpour. They attempted to run back to the car, Charlie slipped falling on his back, Barbara turned around and helped him up getting even more soaked in the process. They made it back to the car when her phone vibrated again

Dick: “Well, I finally got him to drink his bottle. Had to fight him to eat, I think he prefers your boobs lol”

Barbara shook her head “Well he is your son” she replied

Dick replied a few seconds later with a winky face emoji

 “Want to go get some ice cream? I’m pretty sure I have a $20.00 in here, so you won’t have to pay for that” Charlie said as they began driving

Barbara nodded sliding her phone back into her pocket “Yeah that’d be great”

Ice cream ended up being the highlight of the night. They went through the drive threw and got two cones. After they parked at a little park overlooking a lake they ate them together watching the rain drops sprinkle in the water.

They arrived home with Charlie pulling into her driveway at 10pm.

“Thanks for tonight”, Charlie said quietly from the driver’s seat

Barbara nodded “Yeah it was fun”

They sat there awkwardly “I should probably go in” Barbara tumbled

Charlie nodded “Yeah, you probably have relieve to your- whatever he is”

Barbara nodded ”See you at the library”

She exited the car then went into her house

“Dick I’m home” she spoke

Silence...

She made her way through the house dropping her keys to the counter and seeing a mess of junk food, baby bottles and baby food remaining in the kitchen along with dirty baby clothes and Dick’s stained t-

shirt in the sink. Barbara let out a sigh “Seriously Dick” she said to herself

She walked into Nathan’s nursery only to find it empty, she proceeded through the house unable to find them. It was when she checked Dick’s bedroom that she stopped in her tracks and smiled. Dick was lying passed out in his bed with Nathan sound asleep on his chest. Barbara tip toed into the room. She bent down and placed a soft kiss on Nathan’s head.  She tip toed back out of the room to her own. Changing into her pajamas then making her way back to Dicks room. She climbed into the opposite side of the bed leaning forward she brushed the hair away from Dicks face before placing a kiss on his temple. Barbara settled in the bed beside Dick. Lying on her side she placed a hand on Nathan’s back before slowly drifting off to sleep.

 So what do you guys think? Should I make a sequel or a prequel? End it here? Was this one even good enough to post? Let me know.

[1422kilometres]

Here are 10 + 1 things I learned while organizing our wedding: 

1. Don’t have expectations from people. Especially not the reaction you would like them to have. You are the star of your narrative, but for other people you are just a supporting role. 

2. Don’t overshare in the beginning. Keep some secrets and share bits and pieces only when things cannot be altered. 

3. It is a myth you cannot organize a wedding in less than half a year. I did it in 2 months, and you can do it too.

4. Making comparisons can spoil your happiness. No two weddings are the same, so don’t be afraid to take an alternative route. 

5. You can never be overprepared, so start early and be efficient.

6. Don’t overestimate the superstars. There are a million talented, kind-hearted vendors out there who are not so busy and unattainable as the biggest names in the industry. Rising stars are more eager to work with you than the actual megastars with a million clients. 

7. Be a good client. I got a lot of positive feedback about being a “dream client”, which is of course an overstatement, but I firmly believe that the universe gave me this title in exchange for all those years spent working with really sucky people in the creative industry. So…write detailed, but concise and clear briefs and never ever forget to be kind. 

8. Early spring can save you a lot of money and headache. Since everyone wants a late spring or summer wedding, all the vendors are booked “in the season” or the ones that are not booked are extremely expensive. However almost all the offers I received contained an “out of season” discount for early spring which was very lucky, as I have always wanted an early spring wedding with lilacs and cherry blossoms in bloom. That is my favourite time of the year. 

9. Use the advances of modern technology. It is quite romantic to jot down pieces of information in your Moleskine and put a little heart over the i in the word wedding everywhere. But on the long run your mailbox, Google Docs, Instagram, Pinterest, Word and Excel will be better friends if you want to be efficient. 

10. DIY. I have a clear vision for a couple of things I want to have at our wedding e.g.  the material of the ring holder, the wedding collar for my dog, the bouquet I am going to throw away. Instead of briefing someone and paying a lot of money to have these done, I will just do/order them myself. Outsource things you cannot do e.g. photography, the cake, a wedding arch etc. but don’t let everything out of your hand. 

+1. Try to enjoy the process as much as you can. Do it together with your spouse, but everyone should do the part they are good at. Take mental snapshots of important milestones (and actual photos too). Appreciate this amazing journey you are about to take as a couple. And don’t forget to talk about something else every now and then. :)

***

A little additional background info:

Disclaimer: I have the most wonderful friends and family in the world. I feel extremely lucky to have them in my life. 

BUT. :D 

Since I started organizing our wedding I realized that people can’t be genuinely happy for each other. They can act like they are, oh my, they can be real Meryl Streeps about it, but I don’t think they truly are, not without an ulterior motive. I am not throwing stones, I probably did the same whenever my friends and relatives were getting married. 

Iliza, my favourite female comedian grasps this in a hilarious way in her latest Netflix special, the Elder Millennial. In that she talks about people’s reactions after she told them she got engaged. It is dead on. Just watch it, you will see. 

Even when your people try their hardest and ask questions while putting up their best “I’m so happy for you” facade, you still feel a certain undertone. A pulsating little “bore someone else with this” stare or vibration in their voice. Or in some other cases, they are really happy for you and then hit you with a question like: “You are not inviting cousin this and that??? But they will be insulted!”

In spite of it all, I am having the time of my life organizing the shit out of our wedding. I think all of my project management experience, all of our travels around the globe and all of my control freakishness led up to this point: the wedding.

Don’t get me wrong, it is not going to be a big, fat, Hungarian affair. It will be a tasteful, romantic little ceremony in my home town on a little island, in the middle of a lake. There won’t be a party afterwards, because we don’t like wedding parties (at least we have never been to a really good one). The bride and groom cannot spend quality time together and they cannot spend quality time with anyone, because there are at least 50 people around them waiting to be entertained. The food is usually mediocre at its best, the music sucks, some relatives always get drunk and being around them becomes just bloody awkward. And there is the added pressure of “how long it is appropriate to stay”. 

We decided to have a more intimate celebration, where we have the time and energy to BE with each other and make it to the hotel afterwards in time for our bedtime. There will be a dinner after the ceremony, with our parents and siblings in a great restaurant (Márga Bisztró on the Szent Donát estate) with the most beautiful view of Lake Balaton I have ever seen. Also, the day after we will have brunch with our closest, most dearest friends at the lake. What could be more perfect than this?

Another thing we are doing different is that we are not asking for presents and money either. We do want people to bring us envelopes, but instead of money, we want them to write kind notes, or pieces of advice for married life, or next week’s winning lottery numbers, or just draw or take a photo of something and give it to us. 

All of this of course would not be possible without the help of the most amazing people in the wedding industry. I would like to share a list of our vendors, because we are so extremely happy with them. They are incredibly nice and helpful people with impeccable taste and for a reasonable price in each and every case. Our invitations are currently being prepared by the Fanatic Calligrapher, and she is absolutely amazing. She has just sent the first draft and we are in love with it. Our photographers will be Just Stay Natural, a couple I worship on Instagram. My bouquet and the decor will be created by the incredible Toboz Művek , they are effortless, efficient and extremely kindhearted people, and their works take my breath away. I also ordered a couple of decor accessories from Natural Wedding Decor, they have some beautiful products that perfectly fit into our vision. The cake is from Egy csipet torta, who were  the biggest POSITIVE surprise. I was really afraid at the beginning that they have become such superstars that it will be next to impossible to work with them, which was the case with some of the VIP people in the wedding industry. But I was wrong, they are nice, professional and responsive and I cannot wait to taste their cakes and design ours together. We also wanted macarons for a dessert bar and who else would do it better than Chez Dodo. The fingerfood for the ceremony will be provided by an old high school classmate, running a very modern and healthy catering service, Four Bites.  David’s outfit will probably come from Massimo Dutti, although that we haven’t decided yet. One thing is for sure though: he is going to wear a high top Supra, because we both heavily dislike traditional “formal” men’s shoes. He will look so rad! We will also have a consultation with Ági of Dimesso about the rings in February, we are so looking forward to that too. 

And when it comes to my dress: it will be another dream coming true, as I will be marrying the love of my life in Daalarna Couture. Initially I saved up for it and then David surprised me with it for Christmas. I am so humbled by how lucky we are to have found each other 7 years ago.

I hope I deserve David and our life together. 

And I also hope I am not dreaming all of this. 

***

The photos are credited individually, but here they are again from top to bottom: Egy Csipet Torta, Just Stay Natural, Chez Dodo, The Fanatic Calligrapher, Toboz Művek, Daalarna Couture, Natural Wedding Decor, Just Stay Natural, Dimesso. 

[noona-clock]

Your Friend, Joo Hyuk - Part 8

Genre: AU/Fluff

Pairing: Joo Hyuk x You

By Admin B

Intro, Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, Epilogue

When you arrived back at your apartment from the airport, you softly closed your door behind you, pressed your back against it, and let out a long, sorrowful sigh.

This sucked already.

But then you remembered Joo Hyuk had told you to call him when you got here, so you reached into your purse for your phone. You opened up WhatsApp, pressed on his contact name, and clicked on the phone icon.

He answered almost immediately, and your heart sped up and broke at the same time when you heard his voice

“You got home okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you replied gloomily.

“I know, I hate this, too. I would give anything to be back there with you.”

“Truthfully, how are we going to make this work?” you asked, already feeling your throat close up. You hadn’t actually talked about this yet because neither of you wanted to bring it up and effectively dampen the mood.

“I’ll use all my vacation time to come visit you,” Joo Hyuk answered immediately. “And when you come visit, I’ll do as much work as I can from home. I’ll see if I can request business trips to America more.”

“And it’s just going to be like that forever?” You couldn’t imagine living the rest of your life only seeing him every few months for a couple weeks at a time. Living half a day and half the world away from him. You just couldn’t.

“...I don’t know. But it has to be for right now.”

“Your life, your family is in Korea. Mine is here. Are we both just expecting the other one to pack up and leave, just like that?”

“No, of course not... Baby... do you not want to be with me?” Because it was sounding suspiciously like you were giving up.

“No, no, I do. I’m sorry, I just... I miss you, and I’m letting the negativity get to my head.” Your voice had become choked with emotion, and you slid down your door to sit on the carpet.

Joo Hyuk sighed, and you wished more than anything his voice was here, not just over the phone. Wished you could feel his arms around you, smell his familiar scent. 

“I miss you, too,” he began. “And I know this is going to be tough, but... you’ve gotta be strong. Remember what I told you back when you were having a hard time at university? Tell yourself it’s going to be okay every single day. Make yourself smile every single day.”

“Yeah, I remember,” you whispered. “I don’t know if I ever really told you how much you helped me back then. I felt so alone, but reading your messages reminded me I had someone in my corner. I wasn’t alone. I had you, even though you were thousands of miles away.”

“And that’s how it’ll be for the next few months. I’ll be here, still. I’ll be yours. You’ll have me, even though I’m thousands of miles away.”

“And you’ll have me. Whenever you think about me, there’s a 100% chance I’m thinking about you, too.”

“Yeah, you better be. And not be thinking about Tadashi.”

You chuckled, moving to cross your legs and sit pretzel-style. “I’m definitely going to watch that movie all the time and write stories in my head about Honey Lemon and Tadashi’s secret romance.”

“I’ll watch it, too. And every time I do, I’ll think about meeting Baymax. And then I’ll think about Disneyland and how I had the best three days of my life there.”

“Really? The best three days of your life?”

“Well, yeah. It’s where I fell in love with you. Or at least realized I was.”

You bit your lip, your heart fluttering as you thought back to watching World of Color with him that second time.

“When should we go back?” you asked, your voice sort of dreamy as you imagined the future. You figured you wouldn’t be able to go back together any time soon, but you still liked to think about it.

“The next time I come visit,” Joo Hyuk replied. “Maybe six months or so?”

“Really? You’ll come back that soon?”

“If not sooner.”

You wondered if he was just being optimistic, but you didn’t want to say anything. So you simply smiled and said “I can’t wait.”

You talked for about fifteen more minutes until Joo Hyuk let out a little sigh. And you knew.

“They just called my section for boarding,” he murmured.

“Okay,” you whispered.

“I’ll call you right when I land, okay?”

“Yes, please. Don’t worry about what time it might be over here.”

“And you, too. If you ever need to call me, just do it.”

“I will. Have a safe slight, my love.”

You could hear the smile in his voice when he said, “I’ll do my best.”

“I love you so, so much.”

“I love you so, so much, too,” he told you. “...Bye.”

You sniffed as you pulled your phone away from your ear and disconnected the call. You couldn’t handle saying the words ‘Good bye’ again.

You spent the rest of your day distracting yourself. You cleaned your whole apartment, you did laundry, you went grocery shopping, you did your nails, you watched some Netflix... Your phone finally rang when you were in bed later that night, around 10 o’clock.

You answered quickly, your heart jumping into your throat when you heard Joo Hyuk’s voice. His flight had been long but very smooth, and he’d watched about four or five movies. He’d even watched the live action Cinderella in honor of you.

You talked for almost two hours until you truly couldn’t keep your eyes open any longer. You must have fallen asleep a little because you jerked awake when you heard Joo Hyuk say your name a bit forcefully.

“You fell asleep, huh?” he chuckled. “Go to bed. Call me whenever, okay?”

You agreed, sleepily murmuring an ‘I love you’ and wishing him a good afternoon. He wished you a good night and kissed the phone, causing you to chuckle softly. You hoped talking to him right before falling asleep meant you would dream about him.

The next three months were... Well, to be honest, they weren’t that horrible. You hadn’t been lying when you’d told Joo Hyuk you had a busy time at work coming up. You’d fallen behind while he was here, so you had a bit to catch up on as well as a new load of work coming in. So you spent most of your days in your office, reading and editing, editing and reading.

You visited Mickey a lot, too, since work and the absence of your boyfriend was somewhat stressful. You would ride through the farm for hours on weekends, and sometimes in the evenings after work. 

You had your family and some friends, yes, but... Mickey was special to you. He always had been, and he was particularly comforting now. You were more thankful for him than ever.

You and Joo Hyuk talked everyday, though some days it was only for ten or so minutes. But not a day went by when you didn’t hear his voice.

You also video chatted a few times a week which really helped. It always made your day that much better when you saw his face - and he always looked amazing, even if he had just woken up. It truly wasn’t fair (but it was since he was all yours).

You bought a plane ticket to Seoul about a month in advance, and the second it was purchased, you entered the date into a countdown app on your phone. 

Every day when you and Joo Hyuk would talk, he would ask you how many more days, even though you’d just told him the day before.

When you got down in the teens, you really started to get antsy. It had been almost three whole months since you’d gotten to touch your boyfriend. Hug him, kiss him, hold his hand... 

“Seven more days,” you said when you answered the phone a week before your flight was set to take off. “That’s just one week.”

“And we’ve already been through eleven weeks, so one week is nothing!”

You beamed, closing your laptop and spinning around in your office chair. You could afford to take a break right now.

“Three more days! Can you believe that?” you squealed after Joo Hyuk answered your video chat.

“No, but it’s almost midnight,” he muttered sleepily.

“Oh, sorry,” you whispered, biting your lip in slight embarrassment.

“How many more days?” Joo Hyuk asked when he picked up your call.

“One. One more day. A.K.A. I’m leaving tomorrow. Tomorrow.”

“And then you’ll be here,” he sighed.

“What are we going to do first?”

“...Well, I know what I’d like to do,” he chuckled.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to that... But after a thirteen hour flight, I’ll probably want to take a shower first.”

“Hey, that sounds like a good idea.” You could hear him smirking, and it made you blush.

Leaving now!!!! you messaged Joo Hyuk as your dad pulled up to your apartment complex.

Safe flight, baby. I’m heading off to sleep. Call me when you land.

You got it. Love you!

Love you, too

You fidgeted throughout the whole drive, and you’d never been more anxious to say good-bye to your dad. He understood, thankfully, but he still made you promise to be safe and responsible. A parent was a parent, no matter how old the child.

You checked your bag, went through security, and found a seat by your gate. You still had about an hour before you boarded your flight, so you got out your phone and start playing a game.

You were so concentrated on your game, you jumped a little when a phone call popped up on your screen. You furrowed your brow when you saw who it was, wondering why they would be calling...

“Hello?”

A few moments later, your jaw dropped. Your heart dropped. “Wh-what?” you asked, stunned. “Oh my god.”

You covered your mouth with your hand, feeling tears well up in your eyes. No. No, this couldn’t be.

“Okay, I’m coming,” you mumbled, your voice choked up with emotion.

You stood after hanging up, making your way back to security and into the airport lobby. You ran up to the airline desk, telling them to stop your bag from getting on your plane. You would have to come back and pick it up later, and you thanked them profusely for offering to hold it for you.

You hailed a taxi after darting out the doors, tears now streaming down your face. You gave the driver the address of your destination... and then you got out your phone.

You knew Joo Hyuk was sleeping already, but you had to call him. You bit the inside of your cheek as you waited through the rings for his voicemail.

Once you heard the beep, you took a deep breath, hoping you would be able to speak clearly enough for him to understand.

“Hey,” you began, sniffling. “It’s me. I can’t -- I’m not getting on the plane. I’m sorry, but it’s --” You let out a sob, pressing your hand to your forehead.

“It’s Mickey. Something about a heart aneurysm... I’m not too sure, but... he’s gone.”

Part 9

@takura-rin, @daelicious-jongbulge, @sweg-imsorrywhatwasthat. Let me know if you would like to be tagged in the next update!

Master list // RULES // Submit a Request! // Read About the Admins

[bangtanficrecs]

Lost & Found Batch #11

It’s been a while but here’s the new batch of lost fics! If you happen to know the fic the ask is looking for, reply to this post or send us an ask with the request number and title/author. If you happen to know any fics from Past Batches, those are more than welcome as well. Thank you!! ~ Admin P

1)  Hi! I’m looking for a yoonmin fix that I found on ao3 a while back. It was non-au (canon compliant) and, basically, Jimin was a jerk towards Yoongi and Yoongi was suicidal. It was later revealed that they had been in love, but were caught by fans, and had to break up, and Jimin blamed Yoongi. Then, Yoongi got really drunk one day and was coerced into sleeping with a fan?? It was a really good story and I can’t find it now,,

2) Hi idk if you would be able to help me since I don’t have a lot of details but awhile ago I was reading a fic where I believe it was of namjoon and jungkook?? I can’t remember who the pairing was exactly. anyways all I can literally remember is there was a smut scene where jungkook is blind folded and at one point that’s a carrot involved. I’m trying to find the author and I’ve looked through my ao3 history but can’t seem to find it. If you can’t find it I appreciate your help! Thank you

3)  I read this fic a while ago that was Jungkook-centric where Jungkook and Jin were stepbrothers and Jungkook's dad was abusive but Jin's mom didn't know that until they got married and so they ignored Jungkook so his dad wouldn't beat them too until his dad saw Jin with Namjoon and raped him and Jungkook got Namjoon to get Jin out of the house. If there's any way you can find this fic for me I would really appreciate it, I've been looking for it FOREVER. Thanks!

4)  I’m trying to find a fic that was on ao3. I can’t remember the pairing, but during the story, one of the members was acting childish and being obnoxious for attention and another member ended up punishing him for it, but not giving him any aftercare. A different member finds the original guy nearly hysterical and is his ‘daddy’ they do talk afterwords but that’s all I can remember.

5)  Hey:) I’m looking for a fic I read a long time ago about yoongi and he takes care of Namjoon and they live on the street and then Namjoon gets snatched. And so yoongi becomes a prostitute and then saves jimin and Taehyung from being snatched in a convenience store and they bring Jungkook home and it’s super cute and sad. Please help me!!

Bang Bang (You Shot Me Down) by signifying_nothing - note: the fic is locked and requires an AO3 account to be viewed

6) Hi, Ive been trying to find a fic for like a month but am having no luck. If a main pair Namjoon x Jimin ABO AU where Jimin is an omega who is living with Tae in college and JM presents late. He initially is with Hoseok but HS cant satisfy him and NJ has feelings for JM and eventually they end up together. I know there is a camping trip and Seokjin is barren (i think thats the word they use). JM+ NJ end up mating but JM leaves to stay with his aunt and YG has to convince him to talk to NJ THANKS

baby steps (i'll hold you tight) by voseok

7) Hello, I am looking for a fic. Last time I read it, it was still ongoing. Multichaptered but each chapter was a fic on its own. The theme was Jungkook and Taehyung finding each other in each universe but not ending together? In one fic, BTS were all in politics. Namjoon was running for president and Kook was some prodigy, trained by G-dragon. It was on AO3 but I can't find it anymore as I forgot to bookmark :(

8) Hi! I’m looking for a yoonmin ff that involves either jimin or yoongi being deaf or mute. There was a part in the story that i remembered which was when jimin or yoongi was in the toilet and they ran out of toilet paper also another part was how someone’s slaughter and moaning (sorry bout that) was described as huffs? I don’t really remember much and it’s a really vague description but I really hope you can find it!! Thank you!!

9) Hello! Could you help me find a fic where hoseok is a writer and yoongi is an artist? I think the story starts off with their childhood days. Thank you in advance!

10) Hii i was wondering if you know and could tell me about the fic where jimin and yoongi were a couple and yoongi was planning to proposed jimin but sadly jimin got into a plane crash when he was headed to somewhere for a dance competition and a year after the incident yoongi met jimin again

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine by yururin

11) Hey i was looking for this where jin cant be part of bangtan anymore because he got some rumours going on about him

Save Me by resonae

12) Hey there! I'm looking for this angsty fic that was set in the prologue/run era where everyone got a little too drunk one night and tae and namjoon accidentally stumbled into a lake after doing graffiti and died? the fic mainly focuses on the other members trying to recover from this tragedy and there weren't specific pairings. I can't remember where I read it. thank you!!

13) hi! i wanna find this Jihope fic,it's in aff. It's an mafia and abo au. I don't remember the summary of the story. Here’s what i remember; there’s an arrange marrige btw Hope & JM,before JM's father's dead, he give this letter to him, told him to open on his 20th birthday. when JM give it to the office, Jhope come & get him, and turn out he is Mafia & the head mafia's bride-JM's called Donna. Also, JH's alpha, JM's omega

14) do you know of a myg/pjm/jhs fic where pjm is a prince sent off to the wizard myg. People have to try and fight the wizard to win pjm's hand. Jhs promised pjm that he'll come for him in a year and join the royal army. Pjm slowly realize that he is is love with both myg and jhs. Later pjm gets hurt and dissapears and so jhs takes his anger out of myg and later jhs and myg elope

His Captive Heart by Etna

15) Hello!! do you guys kmow a fic where most of bts (except jm+nj) get stuck in a bad winter snow due to car accident and there's some dude in the woods out to get them and has got sj + hs. I think yg got a gash in his leg also. yg jk + th are try to get sj hs back and hs sacrafice himself a lot to the dude to protect sj

Never Have I Ever by Someplace_Else

16) Uh, hello!!! I hope it’s okay that I’m asking, with the temporary hiatus and stuff. But I lost a fic I had read a while ago and I want to read it again. I can’t remember the pairing but it was Yoongi x someone. Yoongi worked in an arcade with Jimin and he had tried to commit suicide but his best friend, hoseok, found him and forced him to go to a therapy/support group. Actually, you know I think it was taegi??? Anyway. Sorry again, hope this isn’t like... annoying or anything!!!

17) thank you so much for running this blog! anyways, i’m trying to find this fic [spoilers]- the plot is that jungkook self harms until he meets v, who appears to be super cheerful until jk finds out v has eating disorder. so they make a “deal” where if jk cuts, v doesnt eat. eventually something happens to v (i forgot if it was moving away or death), until jimin appears who actually is cheerful & helpful. it was on ao3 but i can't seem to relocate it (so idk if it got taken down...?) thank you!

18) hey! do u know a namjin werewolf au where jin is from another pack but he got hurt and was found by jimin (not sure) and ended up joining namjoon's pack and fell in love with him? ive been searching for this fic but i couldn't find it :"((

19) Hi, I’m looking a taekook fic and its based off the music video of Taylor Swift’s you belong with me. To taekook are best friends but taehyung loves jungkook. But jungkook has this girlfriend, I think her name is Yujin or something, who hates Taehyung because he’s gay. Thanks :)

20) hi! i read this fic once centered around the members trying to teach taehyung things through spanking? one of the chapters was hoseok teaching taehyung to use a safeword

smack that (give me some more) by ireallydontknowok

21) hello lovely admins! i am currently in a pickle (when am i not) and lost a fic, it’s on ao3 for sure and it’s a yoonseok centric fic where they have a dom/sub relationship, yoongi being the sub, but! hoseok invites (or brings) rm and guk over from his office and the plan is that they fuck yoongi, rm is used to it but guk is pretty freaked out, they do end up having sex and i clearly remember that yoongi sucks guk’s dick (sorry for being so crude ;-;) anyways, that’s all i remember! good luck 💕

[ymd3signs]

Best Motivation Article Ever

Hey there, are you trying to find some sweet ass motivation? Well, you're in luck, because I got the foremost awesome, most unoriginal motivational content you've seen 100 times before.

And what does one know? It happens to be 'exactly what you're within the marketplace for. So here is that the ultimate 3-step program for shaping yourself into a winner you usually knew you'll be (despite never actually doing anything to become one).

Okay, a couple of paragraphs are enough for an obligatory intro. It's, nobody reads this shit anyway. Let's dive straight into it so you'll get yourself overvalued for about 20 minutes, then return to procrastinating and reading generic self-help advice which tells you precisely what you would like to listen to. Ready? Alright, let's go.

STEP 1: YOU'RE AWESOME

Do you sometimes feel bad? Are people mean to you? Are you frightened of taking chances and doing what indeed causes you to be happy, so you regularly conform to other people's opinions to suit in? Aw shucks that sound sad.

Don't be sad. Be happy instead. Happiness is what everyone should achieve in life while avoiding stressful situations, uncomfortable emotions, and challenging obstacles. Despite what people that study the human mind and behaviour say, these aren't things that strengthen your mindset, develop quality habits, shape your personality, and cause you to a healthier individual. Some call these people scientists, some call them experts, but their real title is haters.

Important note: Criticism is some things very, very bad. It's not something you'll learn from to enhance yourself. It's not significant if 90% of individuals hate what you're doing. It's not essential if you'll do things differently and achieve a far better effect. Why?

Because you're awesome, everybody is fantastic. If you're alive, you're incredible. You don't become an extraordinary person by doing good deeds, advancing your skills and knowledge, fixing diligence, and developing yourself into a sensible, capable, and exciting individual. Heck no!

If people hate to lecture you and avoid social contact, don't think something could be wrong with you. Maybe you talk too much? Perhaps you're too judgmental? Perhaps you don't have anything important to say? Forget this stuff. Remember, you're fantastic only for being you. You don't have any bad traits. There are not any flaws in your behaviour. there's no room for improvement.

You're perfect just the way you're.

STEP 2: YOU'RE GONNA BE SUCCESSFUL

Do you have a thought for a project? Thinking of writing a book? Starting a business? YouTube channel? Blog? Choose it. I'm sure it's a singular, never-been-done-before idea. And if you think that it'd suck, don't. Your every idea is fantastic because, as we've learned, you're fantastic and criticism is terrible. If you know something from criticism, it might mean that it's not necessarily bad. And that's just crazy.

Statistics say that 9/10 startups fail which almost half they fail because there was no market need for his or her product or service. In other words, nobody was curious about their shit within the first place. But those brave souls refused to concentrate on haters and kept going. The outcome isn't relevant.

Let's pull up some statistics of our own. Spoiler alert – they're getting to blow your mind:

Walt Disney was fired because his boss felt he "lacked imagination and had no good ideas".

Oprah Winfrey was publicly fired from her first television job for getting "too emotionally invested in her stories".

Steven Spielberg was rejected by the varsity of Cinematic Arts multiple times.

Thomas Edison's teachers told him he was "too stupid to find out anything".

Jay-Z couldn't get any record label to sign him.

All these people later went on to become extremely successful and well-known in their respective fields. They didn't hear what others told them and that they didn't let the haters discourage them. They kept pushing until they achieved their dreams.

This, of course, doesn't mean that they failed many, many, repeatedly before succeeding. It doesn't mean that that they had many shit ideas before finding one that was good. It also doesn't mean they're exceptionable people that spent endless hours, months, and years perfecting their craft, thinking of latest ideas, learning and evolving from criticism (although we prefer the term hatorade) and making sacrifices for a far better future.

The only thing that we will learn from these fun facts is that they were just average, ordinary people – such as you. If they might roll in the hay, why couldn't you? If you would like it hard enough, you'll achieve success at some point (regardless of what proportion work you put in).

Why? Because you're awesome.

STEP 3: EASY SOLUTION

Now that we've gotten your blood pumping, brooding about the badass you're getting to become, making it rain within the clubs, living during a mansion, doing what you're keen on, hanging out with celebrities, having a stable (?) personality and a winner's mentality, let's mention the way to get there.

The first step is quite apparent – read articles like this a day. Otherwise, you won't have the mental strength to realize what you would like. I mean, all those successful people's vision and dedication are indeed not enough to motivate them. Merely wanting it's not enough, you would like people like us to inform you that you want it.

So here may be a general outline of our life plan:

Read motivational articles.

?????????

PROFIT!

Now, people that are successful put in thousands of hours working and learning and failing and improving and failing and perfecting and failing and hustling. That's all good for them, but let's be honest – does one want us to inform you ways to achieve something truly? That it takes years, hard work, sacrifice, and adapting new and foreign ideas?

Fuck no. We all know you're not trying to find actual change. That shit's hard. You would like the straightforward solutions, the fast methods, the "5 Steps to Gaining Respect" and "3 Ways to Become a Winner", the "How to urge the simplest Boyfriend" and "6 Best Places for Meeting DTF Chicks".

As Dom Mazzetti so eloquently put it:

“I don't want someone to compliment my life. I want someone to reassure me that my shitty life is adequate.”

And when it involves haters who attempt to offer you all the detailed, scientific-based information on how our minds work and the way to form real change:

“It's an equivalent reason I don't read books because books intimidate me and job my memory how dumb I'm. Why should I waste time getting smarter or making peace with my insecurities, once I can level the playing field and watch Digimon reruns with my [mentally challenged] cousin? That seems like a Saturday to me!”

So don't fret about the haters and experts. We're here to carry you tight, tell you you're fantastic regardless of what, which whatever path you select in life is excellent. As we've established in Step 1, you'll do nothing wrong.

Life isn't about learning from mistakes. It's about disregarding the notion of a "mistake" because you're fantastic.

STEP 4: DO NOTHING

"What's this? Step 4?" – a fanatical reader exclaims. – "But i assumed you said it had been a 3-step solution?"

Well, my avid motivation approval-seeking friend, if you're ready to read through all the shit advice we offer on a day to day without vomiting, then you've proven you'll garbage down anything we throw at you. So let's call this the "Bonus Chapter", which we included because we're just nice like that.

Some writers take time to research and copy what they say…but who the hell has time for that? I can fart out another "Top 10 Reasons You're Awesome" fluff piece in half an hour, and you'd still eat that shit up. You don't care about the standard of the content you read, so why should we?

Have you seen our "motivational content" sites? We've got like 13 different sidebars with subscription boxes, social media links, advertisements, share buttons, and every one the shit we're trying to sell you. Since actual "content" makes up about 15% of any page, I'm surprised you're even ready to find it. It's like playing "Where's Waldo?" whenever you open up a replacement post.

If you did have a winner's mentality, you'd be reading something with actual substance in it (like this or this or this). you'd be working, learning, and improving yourself, not leaving bland comments like "OMG that's so true, I do got to respect myself (because, like, I didn't know that before reading this)".

But you continue to read our unoriginal posts because we tell you what you would like to listen to. We inform you that everything about you is great, and if something happens to be a touch off-balance, you'll fix it in five easy steps. Because if you were curious about changing yourself during a meaningful way, you'd be smart enough to ascertain through our bullshit.

Because if you were fantastic, you wouldn't need us to inform you that.

(Un)Truly Yours,

Every Generic Self-Help Writer Ever

***

P.S. Apparently, tons of you don't realize this text is making fun of generic self-help bullshit. Even worse, a number of you share this thinking it's a real motivational article — probably because you didn't even read the fucking thing.

If that's you, I would like to inform you something. Reading empty motivational articles telling you exactly what you would like to listen to will never get you anywhere. Instead, I've put together a touch ebook which will teach you ways to start indeed improving your life. No bullshit, only proven methods and actions. Click here to get it (it's free).

Like this article? Please share it with somebody who might need it.

[mmakehappy]

2017

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before? i’ll try to do this chronologically again: so at the beginning of january one of my best friends left to study abroad in rome which was sad and i missed her a lot. i saw rory scovel do stand up. i took an animation class which was fun for the first few weeks until i failed it lmao. actually my classes from jan to march did not go so well tbh but whatever i made it through. my sister came to visit me the weekend before st paddys day which was super fun and then we saw panic which was soooooooo fuckin rad i love them still wow! i went home for spring break and visited a local winery w my dad which was a lot of fun and then a week later uhhh me and @carrot-gallery became gfs!!! and my whole frickin life changed bc i love her so much wow!! but then a week after that i turned 22 and spent my birthday alone! which i tried to pretend didnt make me sad but by the end of the day i was very sad about it and thats when my sweet gf called me to sing happy birthday and i sobbed on my couch and ill never forget that!!! so okay then spring quarter classes started and i was a part of depaul’s visiting artist series which was super cool... i met a lot of new awesome people (both at depaul and the industry ppl that were our guests!) and made some great friends in that class! i was a house manager and camera op which was super fun. i went to a screening of my fave professor’s short film which was also rad. i saw a ghost story at the chicago critics film festival, which was amazing. i saw idiocracy in 35mm and then mike judge did a q&a! the very next day i was house manager for depaul’s student film festival at the music box! i saw chris gethard do a live recording of beautiful/anonymous and then also do some standup, that was awesome. i saw day wave live!!! amazing! i spent an entire dystopian day dealing with megabus. that was hell! i sat at an outdoor amphitheater and even tho i couldnt really see him i got to listen to seu jorge sing david bowie covers and life was magical for a few hours. my sisters came up to visit me and we saw aladdin the musical and had our minds blown, it was soooo fun! i went to the chicago pride parade for the very first time but i went by myself and at one point i was sitting on the curb just crying! not a high point but still memorable. i won a ticket to an advanced screening of the big sick where kumail & emily were there to do a q&a after the movie.... had a fuckin blast OBVIOUSLY and then saw the movie 9 other times in various theatres. i also made it into a commercial FOR the movie i just loved it that much lmao! i moved into a new (and my current) apartment! lorde released melodrama and fucking murdered me in my own home. otherwise i had a pretty uneventful but anxiety filled summer bc of financial aid stuff so that really sucked. i saw good time w taylor and the safdie brothers were there to do a q&a and they were such interesting guys i could listen to them talk for hours honestly. my mom and sisters came up to visit me and we took our mom to her very first cubs game which was sooo so much fun and they won that day too!! it was awesome and we had a great time :) watched the eclipse (or tried to anyway!!) fall quarter classes started and i honestly kicked ass at them, i got on the deans list (i almost typed honor roll lmao i mean its basically the same) i hung out with ari again which was cool!! we went to the aquarium! me and taylor saw beach fossils which was honestly the most buckwild concert ive ever been to i think, it was good shit. i got jobs at AMC (which i have since quit lmao) and starbucks and left my job at the paint place which was bittersweet! me and taylor saw mbmbam live!!! so fun!! and we watched trolls that night and goofed on it so hard!! i went home for thanksgiving and found out my big sister is gonna have a baby this year!! :D i saw mike birbiglia do stand up! which was soooo incredible of course (except i felt bad bc my mom was supposed to come w me but she couldnt go! so i brought taylor lol) UMMMMM MY DAM GIRLFRIEND CAME TO CHICAGO TO VISIT ME AND STAYED FOR A WHOLE DANG WEEK AND IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER SHE MAKES ME SO HAPPY WE HAD SO MUCH FUN AND I MISS HAVING HER RIGHT NEXT TO ME EVERY SINGLE GOSH DANG DAY <3 ;_____; and that was my year!!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? last year i said id like to read at least one book each month and watch at least 100 movies - i did neither! im keeping the movie resolution though bc cmon 100 movies should be EASY for a film major wtf am i doing!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no but it will happen in 2018! 

4. Did anyone close to you die? not a person but we had to put down my sweet doggo, flash :(

5. What countries did you visit? still none :/

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? More confidence that I actually deserve to be in college and that I can do this shit and I’m awesome <– that was my answer from last year and the year before but yeah. same. also money.

7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? ummm march 25 when me and gf became gfs and also dec 17 when she came to visit :)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? putting myself out there by doing VAS/Premiere, getting on the deans list for the first time since freshman year and then also getting a new job

9. What was your biggest failure? this summer i didnt do shit besides wallow and cry and it sucked!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? nope

11. What was the best thing you bought? every movie ticket and the bras i bought for natalie ;-)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? natalie’s because she’s amazing and works so hard!!!! and she can always cheer me up and im so in love w her

13. Whose behavior made you appalled? mine bc i could never just get my shit together and do my homework when i was supposed to :) < thats from last year but lmfao same!

14. Where did most of your money go? RENT, movie/event tix, food, in that order

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? THE BIG SICK, the new season of sv, p much all of the events that i listed in the first question lol

16. What song will always remind you of 2017? umm honestly probably any song from melodrama

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? I’m a. happier, b. probably thinner? or maybe the same idk, and c. definitely DEFINITELY poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? read and write and watch movies and write and read about movies

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Spending money and also being bitter about everything for no reason <– last year and the year before that AGAIN and also same!

20. How did you spend Christmas? working at AMC which i hated every second of :)

21. Did you fall in love in 2016? yes with my amazing girlfriend @carrot-gallery

22. What was your favorite TV program? silicon valley, AMERICAN VANDAL, the good place, great british bake off

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? nah just politicians who like. actively want me to die lol

24. What was the best book you read? bitch,

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? mitski like why the fuck did i sleep on her..... tbh thats about it bc i still listen to the same music i did 10 years ago

26. What did you want and get? I wanted a steadier/better paying job and i have it!

27. What did you want and not get? idk i wanted to be financially stable on my own and i still dont have that

28. What was your favorite film of this year? ugh i hate this question! ok in no order: THE BIG SICK, GOOD TIME, A GHOST STORY, GET OUT, THE FLORIDA PROJECT

29. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? uhhh having my sweet girlfriend by my side each and every day 

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? sometimes chic, always sweaty

31. What kept you sane? Sydney, my best friend in the entire world. (This was my answer from last year and the year before that and the year before that AND THE YEAR BEFORE THAT but it still holds true) also everyone in the sv discord chat still AND natalie of course of course

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? kumail nanjiani duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, taika waititi, and martin starr always and probably more but i legit cant think of anyone rn lol

33. What political issue stirred you the most? yikes all of it. all of the issues (this was from last year but same lmao)

34. Who did you miss? i miss my dogs and my family and my girlfriend 35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017. You can set goals for yourself and talk about it all you want but it’s nothing until you actually start working towards it and doing something about it. <– answer from last year and the year before that and the year before that, still true!! imma keep that. also idk just like, there are good days and super bad days and ive survived all of them so its just a reminder to myself that ill be okay.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. These days will all seem better in time Waiting on that hindsight

[berkeleychemlife]

Dr. Professor Dillweed

There is one Professor who is literally the worst at Cal. Worse than the Pchem Professors, worse than the Math Professors, the one, the only. 

Case 1: On the first day of class I was wearing my lab’s softball shirt from the summer. It says “Bioconjugal Visitors” on it because we do bioconjugation reactions in our lab and a conjugal visit is having sex in jail. While this is a funny joke, it was awkward to have him come chuckling and say he liked my shirt. I wasn’t that concerned then. 

Case 2: A couple weeks in to the course, we were talking about radial distributions for the orbitals. He overemphasized the phrase “If you understand orbital penetration then you’ll do very well in this course. If you just try to wrap your head around the concept of penetration, you’ll be on your way to doing well in this course. Again if you just try to understand penetration you’re gonna be set in this course.” This was kinda funny in the moment but with each repeated emphasis, it became more and more awkward.

Case 3: I went to his office hours every week for a month and failed to learn anything of relevance to the course or get excited about studying inorganic. It was a complete waste of my time. And I think he thought it was a waste of his too. I’m very interested in metals and how they bond but something about his behavior and the lack of interest from him in what he was talking about just really turned me off. He doesn’t care about his students at all. When students ask him questions in class, he just stares at them, looks at the board, then back to them with this expression of “you’re the smartest person I know” and then proceeds to not answer their question.

Case 4: Since this class is hella boring, people often show up late to lecture. Apparently this is deflating to his ego so before the last pset was due there was an email sent out that said psets will not be accepted after 9:40 am. This pset was fucking hard. Only because he hadn’t taught any of the material on it. Like I didn’t use his notes, I used the book. It was frustrating to me because it emphasized the point that class is a waste of time. If what we need to know is not taught in class, then why show up. On this fated day, a student showed up late (9:55 am) and turned in his pset. He then promptly walked right out the door and it appeared to everyone that he was leaving. Seeing this, the professor saunters over to the pile and picks up that students pset chuckling to the class “Let’s see how he did.” Everyone was mortified as he sort of laughed to himself and leafed through the pages. Saying nothing he put it down and took a sip of his coffee. Then he got back to lecturing. Not 1 minute later, the student comes in the other door and the Professor freezes. The poor student was just trying not to disrupt class by walking in front of the board and had left to walk around the classroom. OMG super awkward and inappropriate.

Case 5: He was trying to teach us about trihydrogen cation which is a useful example for bonding. But the way he introduced it was by saying “Threesomes are okay. This molecule is in a threeway bond, and its stable. To be in a threesome is perfectly acceptable.” At this point in the semester, most of us are pretty freaked out by these kind of jokes. Like not that appropriate to be coming from the professor. Where is the professionalism???

Case 6: In the CoChem, undergrads have to undergo faculty advising before enrolling in classes. Unfortunately, this guy is my “advisor.” Except, he knows nothing about which courses we should be taking and offers little in terms of other advanced classes we might not have heard about. He just doesn’t give a shit. I have been to advising sessions with him three times now and it’s huge waste of everyone’s time. 

However, this time was extra special. I didn’t ask about which classes to take but instead tried to get his opinion on taking a gap year. This did not go over well with him. He asked why I didn’t want to go straight to grad school. I told him that I was tired of taking classes and I wanted to make some money. He got very fed up with me over these reasons. He told me that if you want to make money you shouldn’t bother with grad school and that you don’t take courses because you basically do research the entire time. But what I was feeling was that he was trying to push me to grad school so that I would end up being some professor’s slave. I came up with the conspiracy that all of the professors were in on it together. This system of keeping grad students oppressed only works because they freely submit to the authority of the professor. Why would they submit? In order to become professors so they can influence more undergrads to become slaves thus feeding back into the cycle.

 What I didn’t tell him was that I don’t want to go to grad school because I’m tired of sucking so much professor dick. 

But what was particularly infuriating about this interaction, more than his inability to see my views, was that he wasn’t listening to me at all. Like not even when I was trying to understand his point of view, by saying back to him what he had said to me, he would straight disagree with me on what he had already said. I was so feed up when I realized that he didn’t give a shit about me. I don’t experience this feeling very often, but I imagine this is how minorities feel on a daily basis. Not understood and not cared for. What the fuck professor!

Case 7: This professor is constantly drinking from a coffee cup or thermos. The other day he came in looking frazzled and didn’t seem to get it together until he was sipping his coffee. It must have something other than coffee in it. 

In Conclusion, fuck this professor. The only way to explain his terrible behavior is that he must be drunk all the time! That’s what in his coffee. That’s why he’s a flagrant ass. That’s why he seems out of the loop. I never want to have to deal with him again.

[notapaladin]

harmonic orchestra, teocatl edition (pt 3)

yeah i have a problem & the problem is ancient aztec gays

ao3

-

1 (teomitl/acatl - “I don’t feel so good”)

"I'm sorry," Acatl muttered. "I'm afraid I'm not...feeling well…"

He didn't look well. Teomitl took a step forward, about to suggest he see a healer, and so he was in position to catch the man when his knees buckled and he slid to the ground like so much dead weight. At least there was no question of a healer not being summoned after that, with diagnosis of a high fever, a prescription of medicines and bed rest, and an offhand comment of "it was lucky that he collapsed in your courtyard, Teomitl-tzin, or who knows how long this might have gone unchecked?"

Right, Teomitl thought shakily. Lucky. He didn't feel lucky, not with Acatl drifting in and out of consciousness on his mat and him sitting by helpless and powerless, unable to do anything but hold his hand and press cold cloths to his forehead.

Acatl mumbled something incoherent. He sucked in a breath and gave his too-cold fingers a squeeze. "Please wake up," he whispered. "I can't lose you, too."

-

2 (acatl/teomitl – loyalty)

It is a slow thing, this love, and it begins like this. The temple of Mictlantecuhtli at sunset, when Tonatiuh's descent turns the air to gold and all the little hairs on Teomitl's skin to fire, when Acatl looks at him—looks at him and sees him, radiant in the light, and thinks Ah. There, there is my future Emperor.

The foundation builds from there. From looks to touches (casual, friendly, lingering); from a hand on Teomitl's arm to an arm slung around Acatl's shoulder; from the unthinking snap of an order to apologies and What would you suggest, Acatl? (He doesn't address him with the -tzin honorific anymore, doesn't put that distance between them, and each time it makes something melt and flow in Acatl's chest.) And each time Acatl thinks, My Emperor and does not let himself think I love you.

The night before Teomitl is due to begin the ceremonies of his ascension, he comes to Acatl's house alone. "There's something I should tell you," he says.

And kisses him.

When Acatl kneels before him four full days later, he pledges his undying loyalty with all the joy in his heart. Teomitl—the Emperor Ahuitzotl, now—raises him up with his own hands and a smile. "Get up, Acatl. You of all people never need to bow to me."

"You deserve it," he says simply, and his Emperor (his lover) beams like the sun.

-

3 (acatl/teomitl – honeycomb)

Raw honey is dripping down Teomitl's bare arm, rich and messy and golden as sunlight, and all Acatl can do is stare. Teomitl (innocent, careless Teomitl, his student) hums happily to himself and takes another bite. "Mmph." He chews, swallows, and holds the rest of the comb out with a smile. "Want some?"

He's speechless. (There's honey oozing slowly over the bone of Teomitl's wrist. He wants to lick it off.)

"I." He says intelligently. "Um."

Teomitl's eyes are dark and hot and hungry. He presses the comb to Acatl's mouth, and as Acatl's lips part he starts to grin. It's not careless anymore. "You deserve good things in your life, Acatl-tzin. Eat."

He eats. It’s good.

Teomitl’s mouth is better.

-

4 (teomitl/acatl – pour a little love into my lonely soul)

Teomitl would be the first one to insist he doesn't need people. Sure, he likes them—he has dozens of friendly acquaintances—but he can count the number of real friends he has on one hand and still have fingers left over. That's the way he likes it, he tells himself. He doesn't need to be enmeshed with other peoples' lives. It doesn't matter that he wakes with tears in his eyes and a searing ache in his chest, that he flinches away from casual touches because he craves them to a degree that frightens him.

Then he meets Acatl, who's ready and willing to take him under his wing, teach him the magic of living blood, share food and hopes and fears, put his life in Teomitl's hands and trust that he won't crush it. Acatl, who trusts him to one day lead them all to glory.

The first time Acatl pulls him into his arms—huddling for warmth on a freezing desert night outside Texcoco, with him still so shaken from the nightmare he's had that all dignity is a lost cause—he melts. And he knows, then, that here is where he belongs. That it will be this, forever, for as long as Acatl will have him.

He's not sure who initiates that first kiss, but they do stay much warmer after that.

-

5 (acatl/teomitl – take my hand, wreck my plans, that’s my man)

Acatl's life had been set for him. He was a priest for the Dead, and that was all he'd ever be. His life would be sacrifices and chants and funerals, a sympathetic hand to grieving families and a knife to monsters clawing their way out from the underworld. He'd never find love, never have children or know the glory of warriors, but he was content with that. He'd chosen his vocation knowing what he was giving up.

Then Teomitl smiled at him, and in a hundred different ways—

("I came for you.")

("Acatl-tzin, you don't look—")

("You'll find us a way out of this.")

("You said things as one man to another, Acatl. That won't change.")

("I'll think of something.")

—in a thousand different ways, his carefully laid plans were shattered. There were no rules anymore; there was only the song of his own beating heart, and what it said as Teomitl clasped his hand with that bold and reckless grin (and a blush, which was frankly so adorable that he wanted to pinch the man's cheeks) was yes.

-

6 (acatl/teomitl – beginnings are just endings in reverse)

The first time they'd stood on these temple steps together, Teomitl had been callow and impatient and almost savage in his desire to learn (to grow, to prove himself), and Acatl had felt himself pulled slowly out of sync, shaped and molded into this new world where he, the son of peasants, had an Emperor's brother for an apprentice. He'd had an apprentice once. He hadn't wanted another one, had wanted even less a chance to tie his life with another's—but Teomitl had asked, and he'd accepted. He'd never in a thousand years imagined where it would lead him.

Where it led him now, in fact, years later. Oh, Teomitl still had some patience to learn—the entire attempt to wrest the throne from his brother's grasp proved that—but he had changed more than Acatl had ever dreamed, and Acatl's feelings had changed too. (Deeper, now. Deeper, and yet brighter.)

Teomitl didn't need a teacher. That was over. The future ahead of them was a terrifying blank, dizzy with possibilities, and Acatl didn't know where it would take them.

But Teomitl was smiling at him, and he knew he wanted to find out.

-

7 (mihmatini, nezahual, & teomitl – high school au)

If Nezahual kept poking her between the shoulderblades with his pencil, Mihmatini was going to rip it out of his hand and shove it right in his fucking eye. He was a year younger than her and shouldn't even have been there, but he was in all advanced classes, set to graduate in a few months just like the rest of them, and never let anyone forget it for a second.

"Hey," came the hiss from behind her. "Hey."

Without turning around, she muttered, "What?"

"Your brother. Is he single?"

She didn't have to ask which brother he meant, even when Nezahual jerked his chin forward as though she could possibly miss Acatl setting up another slide on the overhead projector and launching into the next part of the lecture on pre-conquest history that they were all supposed to be taking notes on. "...Yeah. Why?"

"Oh, no reason."

And because he sat behind her, she missed him turning to where Teomitl sat in order to flash him a shit-eating grin and a thumbs'-up—but when Teomitl flipped him off in response, she had a pretty good idea why. She felt like doing the same thing; just because Teo's crush was doomed didn't mean he had to rub it in.

-

8 (acatl/teomitl – wingfic)

When you are loved, you grow wings. They're white when you're born, but after that...well, they can be any color. Bright red for a first lover, green for an auntie down the road who pinches your cheeks and cooks you tamales, blue for a husband. And those who are truly adored...well, they have so many feathers in so many colors that nobody can count them all.

Acatl's are a deep slate gray shading to black, with no other color—the mark of a man beloved by Lord Death, true, but by no one else. Even the pale greens and browns of his parents' regard have long since fallen out. He can't let himself miss them, but it's fine. He's fine. He doesn't need anyone else.

Then he meets Teomitl—Teomitl the warrior, Teomitl the Emperor's brother, Teomitl whose wings are the flat unrelieved brown of someone who truly has no one else to love him—and something in him shifts. Stone cracks, and the first green shoot of something living pushes its way up into the sunlight.

When his primaries are tipped with sun-gold and jade and Teomitl's coverts swirl with silver and ink-black, he knows he's not alone anymore.

-

9 (acatl/teomitl – plum, orange, melon, berry)

"You don't take good enough care of yourself, love."

Acatl is leaning back against Teomitl's well-muscled chest, a platter of fruit resting on his knees. They're from all over the Empire, starfruit and cherimoya and some he can't even name, and seeing them spread out for his perusal makes him feel absurdly fond. But he still has his pride, and so he elbows his lover in the rib and huffs, "I take perfectly adequate care of myself. This...this is luxury I can't possibly have done anything to deserve."

Teomitl pokes his side, just where he's ticklish. "You deserve it just by being who you are. Eat. Enjoy."

And then his hand snakes around to snatch up the freshest, juiciest-looking slice of papaya. "Or I will, if you're not hungry."

"I didn't say that!"

-

10 (teomitl/acatl – let’s all raise a glass)

"Are you drunk," Acatl said. He sounded scandalized. Good.

Teomitl raised his half-full gourd of pulque—pulque he definitely was not allowed to drink yet, and most certainly not in public—and grinned wickedly at him. "Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. Come and join me, hm? I know you could use this after the day we've had."

Acatl wasn't allowed to drink either, but if spending the day with the other High Priests without killing them both with his bare hands didn't mean he deserved it, nothing would. Then again, his stubborn lover was terrible at accepting the basic fact that he ought to have the best of everything life had to offer, and before he'd started on the pulque Teomitl had come up with a whole list of reasons why he should.

He didn't need to use them. Acatl sat down next to him with a sigh, gesturing for the rest of the gourd. "...Pass it over."

-

11 (acatl/teomitl & mihmatini – the best day ever)

"You should name her," Mihmatini tells him. She's sweaty, exhausted, and red-faced after having labored for most of a day to bring her and Teomitl's first daughter into the world, but she's radiant.

Acatl stares at her. This is his twelfth time meeting a new niece or nephew—no, thirteenth, he's forgotten their sister Nelli had another just last week—but he can't have heard her right. Naming a child is something reserved for parents. For the father, in fact, which he most decidedly is not.

He throws a pleading look at his beloved and opinionated Teomitl, who is. And who's sitting on the now-clean bench in the steam bath watching Acatl hold his sleeping newborn as though there's nowhere else he'd rather be in the world. "You should," he says simply. "You would be a wonderful father."

He's not crying. He isn't. But he's definitely a little choked up as he looks down at the wrinkly little girl in his arms. He already knows what her name will be, in honor of the woman who died giving Teomitl life. "Welcome to the world, Huitzilxochtin."

He's still not crying, but now Teomitl's scrubbing furiously at his face with the back of a hand. "Shut up," he says at his wife's raised eyebrow. "I have had a very long twenty-four hours and this is the greatest day of my life."

"You've had a long day?!"

Mihmatini's a little too loud, and now her daughter's woken up and started wailing. It derails any more potential shouting as they all rush to calm her, but not even her fussing can erase the smile from Acatl's face.

-

12 (teomitl/acatl – brave, I hope, not foolish)

"You're a brave man," Acatl says, and the way he smiles lets Teomitl know the words come straight from his heart.

His own hammers so hard against his ribs he thinks it's about to escape entirely. They're all alone on the darkened steps of Acatl's temple, only the moon as witness to this encounter, and Acatl is looking at him so softly and smiling like that and oh, he prays the man is right. "Brave, I hope, not foolish."

There's a moment's sweet confusion in Acatl's face. "Why would you say that?"

Teomitl leans in, cups his cheek—watching the way his face flushes, eyes going wide and dark and oh, he could drown in them—and kisses him on the mouth.

-

13 (acatl & mihmatini/teomitl – “i’m the other woman”)

“And I’m the First Imperial Concubine,” Acatl mutters sarcastically.

Sarcastically, mind you, but now Mihmatini’s raised her head and is just looking at him, long and level. As he watches, one eyebrow goes up. She keeps looking.

He blinks back at her. “What?”

“Well,” she says, and grins at him.

All at once it hits him, and he wants to curl up and die from sheer embarrassment. Of course he’s known what he’s doing—it would be impossible not to, given just who his sister and his lover are as people—but it’s one thing to be intellectually aware of what that makes him in regards to their marriage and another to put words on it. He’s accepted gifts from Teomitl, broken his vow of chastity to pieces for him, tangled their hands and their hearts together. Though he doesn’t live in the palace, there’s no question that he’s accepted his essentially subordinate position in regards to the man’s primary wife, just as she’s accepted that he’s first in her husband’s heart.

“Oh gods,” he groans, voice cracking. “I am the First Imperial Concubine.”

-

14 (acatl/teomitl – king and lionheart)

He’s not a warrior. But there are things he can fight, and when Teomitl leads...well, what else can he do but follow?

Tizoc’s death weakens the wards again, and someone starts summoning star-demons. Acatl’s not surprised. What is surprising is how vicious they are; true, they can’t manage to enter the palace this time, but one appears in an ordinary farmer’s field and slaughters the whole family, and Teomitl of course can’t let that stand. So he takes his warriors, and Acatl takes his priests, and together they row out to the Floating Gardens—to the very same patch of land where they once fought a beast of shadows.

The star-demon sees them and strikes, meeting Teomitl and his warriors head-on in a clash of obsidian and rage. Acatl stands back, eyes narrowed and all his priest-senses flung wide. The right strike will end this. It will only take one blow. But he has to be strategic, he has to think—

Teomitl’s flung halfway across the field, bleeding heavily, and he stops thinking entirely.

He throws his knife, misses, and the demon is on him. He stabs with his other knife, and the demon falls—but he was too slow, and now pure, icy agony is spreading through him from far too deep of a wound.

Teomitl is at his side in an instant, screaming for bandages, for a healer. He makes himself smile. “Had to avenge you. Last thing I do.”

“Shut up!” Teomitl snaps. Hot tears land on Acatl’s face. “You’re not dying—I love you, you are not allowed to die—“

Darkness descends, and he knows nothing more.

(He’s very surprised to wake up. He’s less surprised when it involves Teomitl glaring at him through his tears and ordering him to never do that to him again.)

-

15 (acatl/teomitl – barely even friends/then somebody bends/unexpectedly)

They’re teacher and student, master and apprentice. Teomitl is prickly and proud and stubborn. Are they friends? Well, as much as you can be friends with a cactus, Acatl thinks sourly. He’s sure Teomitl must feel the same way about him; it’s not like he’s ever had much practice making or keeping friends, not with how much time and focus his vocation demands, and even if he did, they’re both too conscious of the gap in their stations. (No, he can’t lie to himself. He’s the one that’s too aware of it; Teomitl treats him as though it doesn’t matter at all, and it makes an embarrassed sort of pleasure squirm in his chest every time.)

So they’re friendly, yes, but no more than that. The walls he’s set up won’t fall down overnight.

But they erode, little by little. Teomitl’s edges polish smooth; his smiles turn sweet. Acatl smiles back and the squirming in his chest turns to warmth. Respectful distance (his) and the occasional pat on the back or hand on the arm (Teomitl’s) become gentle, lingering touches.

The first time Teomitl hugs him is a revelation, and he never wants to let go.

-

16 (acatl/teomitl – if your parents weren’t dead already, i’d kill them for what they did to you)

When Mihmatini mentions her parents are dead, Teomitl's first reaction is sympathy. He's an orphan too, after all, and he knows how it is.

And then she tells him more, and his second and third reactions are anger. By the time she finishes telling him how they'd reacted to Acatl becoming a priest instead of a warrior—all but throwing him out of the house, his mother unwilling to reconcile even on her deathbed, when anyone with eyes and good common sense could see that Acatl is simply the best priest for the Dead anyone could ever ask for—he's actually shaking with suppressed rage.

The next time he sees Acatl, it's all he can do not to pull him into his arms and snarl something heartfelt and useless about how much he wants to kill the man's parents all over again.

...It comes out eventually, of course, when Acatl's woken trembling on the anniversary of his father's death, and for a moment Teomitl hates himself for even voicing the thought when it can't do anything to help—but then Acatl chuckles damply and murmurs, "Sweet, but unnecessary," and he feels much more validated in his fury.

-

17 (acatl/teomitl – daemon au)

Itzli is just as proud and abrasive as his human is, not that Acatl expects anything else from a young black jaguar whose coat gleams like midnight fire—but where Teomitl does his very best to maintain his dignity, his daemon can never quite seem to manage the same gravitas. Itzli pouts. He flops over onto his back, showing his spotted belly. He chews on the end of his tail when he’s agitated in the same way Teomitl chews on the inside of his lip plug.

And every time he sees Acatl and Yoltzin, he purrs. Teomitl is almost incandescently embarrassed, but Acatl can’t help but soften at the knowledge that he’s appreciated. Cared for. Liked. Yoltzin licks Itzli’s ears, curls up next to the great black bulk of him, and it feels right.

When he escapes death by the skin of his teeth and Itzli nearly bowls him over in relief, dragging his rough pink tongue across his face and making Teomitl gasp behind him, that feels right too.

-

18 (teomitl/acatl– you are worth the work it takes to love you)

“I’m surprised you’re here,” Teomitl mutters, and hates the way his voice cracks and his eyes sting. They’ve had another fight, one where his pride and Acatl’s bluntness had collided in spectacular devastation, and he’d stormed off in a huff. He knows it’s his fault again, knows he should apologize, but the words are stuck in his throat and won’t come out. I’m sorry, I’m sorry—he says that a lot, says that too much, is always being too sharp and too rough and soon Acatl has to get fed up with him and just decide they’re too different to keep—

Cool, dry hands enfold his, and he meets Acatl’s calm and serious eyes. “Where else could I be?”

“With your priests,” he spits out. “With your temple. With someone easy to love, someone who’s not so...so…” Someone who’s not far too much like his namesake, he thinks, and remembers the ahuitzotls. They bite too.

“...So much work?” Like all he’s doing is stating a fact and not ripping the heart from Teomitl’s chest. At his stiff nod, Acatl’s grip tightens. “Teomitl. When have I ever shied away from hard work, when the reward is so great?”

He sucks in a breath. “Acatl,” he begins, “I’m sorry—“

Acatl kisses him. You don’t have to apologize, says that kiss. You are work, says that kiss, but it’s work I take on gladly, because I love you.

He does cry a little, but they’re tears of joy.

-

19 (teomitl & acatl – bloody fluff)

After their lessons and the necessary bloodletting, Acatl always bandaged his wounds. It wasn’t necessary—he was a warrior, he knew his way around the results of sharp knives on thin skin—but Acatl insisted, and he...well. Sometimes it was nice to be taken care of, to have Acatl gently press herb poultices on his cuts and wrap the wounds so that all he had to do was occasionally hold a knot in place while his teacher tied it off. And it let them talk—about what Teomitl had just learned, and about other things.

Today it was one of the ‘other things.’ “You never even played ball in the calmecac? Really?”

Acatl snorted and sponged away a bit more blood. “Peasant’s son, remember? They would never have let me.”

He made a face. True, the game could be rough, and he hated the idea of Acatl risking himself, but it was also fun. Acatl deserved fun in his life. “There’s going to be a small match next week—my cousins are setting it up. You should come watch!” Then he thought he’d probably been a bit too eager, and added, “If you’re free.”

“Will you be playing?”

He hadn’t planned on it, but...he flexed his injured arm. Yes, it would be healed by then, and he’d be able to put on a proper showing. He nodded. “Mm.”

Acatl smiled at him. “Then I’ll come.”

-

20 (acatl/teomitl – competence kink)

If it was regular magic, Teomitl could help—if nothing else, he would gladly pour all his power into whatever spell Acatl cast, letting it blaze until the blood and light illuminated an approving glint in Acatl’s eyes. But the monster that the Tlaxcalans had torn a hole in the world to summon could only be banished by the High Priest of the Dead, and even though he’d been able to help set the ritual up—clearing the room, fetching the sacrifices—he was firmly dissuaded from attempting to take on some of the burden of channeling all that power. Ezamahual had had the nerve to comment that “it’s alright, Teomitl-tzin, we aren’t even allowed to help,” and he’d fought the urge to snarl at him. You’re his priests, he’d wanted to say, but I’m the one that loves him. So instead of doing anything actually useful, he stood on the sidelines and seethed.

And then Acatl begun his chant, and all he could do was stare.

He’d seen Acatl perform devastating feats of magic plenty of times. He’d known, intellectually, that this was the man’s element. But knowing and seeing were two different things; Acatl’s skin was black glass, his bones moonlight on water, his flesh smoke, his hair a cloud of midnight. There was blood up to his elbows. He’d never looked more untouchable, cold and remote as the moon above. He’d never looked more beautiful.

Finally, after an eternity, the spell was over, and even Teomitl felt the snap in the air as the world mended. Acatl wasn’t even breathing hard as the color rushed into his face, but his eyes still looked a little lost. “...It’s done.”

“Acatl.” He swallowed roughly. Wreck me, came the breathless thought. Sate yourself in me until you know you’re alive again.

And now Acatl was looking concerned. “Maybe you should have waited outside—”

“No.” The spell was over. It was safe to cross the circle. There was nothing stopping him from striding over and pulling Acatl down into a hard, messy kiss.

So he did.

-

21 (acatl/teomitl – not an end, but the start of all things that are left to do)

Tonight, he is burying Tizoc. The man, unworthy as he was to be Emperor, should have died long ago; as it was, his death took years, and Acatl confirmed it with a certain amount of joy. No longer will he and Teomitl have to skulk in the shadows, fearing his wrath and hatred. He can walk with silver and jade in his hair and on his sandals, and when Teomitl smiles at him in public he can smile back. Within a week, his beloved will be crowned, and he will lead them all to glory.

But tonight, he looks at the shrunken corpse of the man he hated beyond words when he'd been alive and takes a long, deep breath. Tizoc's body has already been bathed and wrapped, with jade piercing his lips and every inch of his cotton shroud covered over with magic to keep him safe on his one-way journey to the underworld, but there's one last thing Acatl has to do.

He sacrifices to Mictlantecuhtli and begins the funeral prayers he knows by heart. This time, Tizoc is damn well going to stay dead.

22 (teomitl/acatl – forehead kisses)

He woke with flailing limbs and a strangled scream, and from Acatl’s grunt he knew he’d hit him at least once. It instantly made him feel worse, even though it was hard to feel anything through the residual flood of grief and terror that had swamped his nightmares. He should say something—he should apologize—but it was all he could do to keep his eyes shut and focus on his breathing.

“Teomitl?” His lover wasn’t quite panicked, but there was a definite edge of concern in his voice.

He took one deep breath. Another. Another. One night. I couldn’t even have a single night by his side. And he’d felt so safe when he’d fallen asleep, secure in the knowledge that Acatl cared for him. “Sorry,” he managed shakily. “I—nightmare.” It was one of the bad ones, too—the one where he held out his heart and his convictions, begged Acatl to accept them, and the man spat on them and turned away. Even knowing that it was a dream, that the real thing was stroking his back soothingly, didn’t help much.

Acatl was still looking at him cautiously. “...Do you want to talk about it?”

He didn’t. But if he kept it to himself the way he’d once kept much more important things, it would only fester. He was sick of letting that happen. So he took another breath, stared at his own lap in the darkness, and whispered, “You turned away from me. Forever.”

Acatl made a sound and cupped his face in his hands, turning him so that Teomitl had to look at him. He closed his eyes again, unable to bear whatever expression was on his face, but he felt it with a liquid rush of warmth when soft lips pressed to his forehead. “I would never do that.” Another kiss, this time to his nose. “I’ve made my decision, haven’t I? You were there. You know I’m yours, and you are mine.”

Yes, he thought breathlessly. Yours.

When Acatl kissed his mouth, he melted into it.

[fictionfromgames]

Limited Liability (SWSE)

Ayoma lit a death stick, her eyes wide. It had been a couple months since she thought of yet another galactic civil war, but imperialists had stormed the senate while she slept. And by all accounts, it looked like the guards on Denon had let them right in.

It shouldn't have shocked her, she'd known full well it's where the Corporate Sector Authority had been driving galactic politics for a while. It was a consistent theme in galactic history no one really wanted to address, even the democracies of the Republics and their anti-Imperial militant wings loved wrapping themselves up in the admittedly quite romantic drapings of Good versus Evil, Light versus Dark. Sorcerors came in all forms, she knew, but the incorporated lust for profit was eternally treacherous.

But it was still too soon. She still hadn't kissed a beautiful woman!! Her pulse quickened between panicked puffs of smoke. She couldn't even afford to get out of the sector with this rinky dink job. "Ranger" was a grand title, but baby-sitting animals behind multiple fail-safe levels was less about excitement and more about taking holos with your favorites when no one was looking.

Her lungs had been protesting smoke lately. She hacked out a cough, but it felt as though it took some of her breath with it, like on the next lungful of air. It's just the panic, she reasoned with herself, it's just the overwhelming anxiety at the prospect of imminent war that will take everything and everyone you love, you don't need new lungs yet.

She wandered over to the Reek exhibit. Daanas had given birth a little over a year ago to her male calf Teillu. Ayoma had been on duty that night, and was hoping the baby would have been born during the day so she wouldn't get overwhelmed by herself with a giant animal needing veterinary assistance, but no. It was just her, Daanas, and the new baby.

"Where's my son?" she asked to no one in particular. One of the reasons she hated night shift was that working alone made people weird. A year into it, she was forced to admit she was weird now too. Speaking to herself, dancing around and singing just because no one was there. Isolation is not for thinking beings.

Teillu was idly munching some of the produce from their last meal. He used to be so small, like as a calf, he could have put on a little costume and passed as a tiny bantha, but a few months in he was decidedly reek-shaped. But he was a big boy now. The Mirialan woman teared up a little.

"I don't want all this to affect you either, babbu," her mouth twisted up.

A cold sort of calm set on her like morning condensation. It always takes people, but it doesn't have to take everything. There could be something left for others, if not for her. She touched her leg where her three pronged starbird crest tattoo was. Not a cultural inheritance like the ones on her face, but a soul deep pledge. To fight and oppose their forces, by any and all means at her disposal, to refuse any despotic law contrary to the rights of free beings, to make forever free all beings in the galaxy.

First things first, she had to hit some still-hopeful subspace channels to see who was mobilizing where.

*****

This does not go with my previous SWSE setting, as all the sequels are out and also something happened in America yesterday.

I imagine this still happening quite a bit after Rise of Skywalker, maybe, I dunno, 90ish years later? So maybe there can be a New Jedi Order of sorts.

The Galactic Unification Front is a militant advance form of Imperial Revivalism, but without the Sith in charge this time. It’s being profited on and funded by capitalists who keep lamenting the lack of industrial production the Galaxy had seen in generations previous. How very fucking convenient for them.

Are the Sith dead? I don’t care. The Final Order and Palpatine were hastily rigged together to appease fascist white boys so who actually gives a shit. I hope the Sith are gone. I like some of the stuff that should have been center stage instead, like the Knights of Ren and “the Ren” being a form of stripped down, no frills combat based on dark side feelings of aggression I guess? Given that the only dorks that did it died, I am not super inclined to make rules for it, but I do think about it.

Which government are they toppling? Same as ever, liberal democracy, this time with some painfully familiar help from rich assholes who add nothing to existence except misery. I don’t want to call it the DOOP or whatever, and decidedly not The Third Republic, but it should read as something like The Interstellar Commonwealth of Systems. Let’s go with The Commonwealth.

What role will light side Force wielders have if they’re to avoid the pitfalls of previous Jedi? It’s a thing to keep in mind. The Skywalker Jedi should be something that grew beyond the fallibilities of the Old Order. Maybe that means tolerance for gray users. I would say only in as much as they can be redemptive influences, not like the goody goods that need a grimdark edge to Do What They Can’t, that sucks. Plus like, old timey Jedi Sentinels kinda did that? Maybe the Jedi shouldn’t be full timers, like HAVE TIES THAT BIND YOU TO OTHERS IN THE ‘WORLD’, and make a difference there, Jedi-branded franchisee approval style. Asceticism is for dorks now. I honestly think that’s what they’re trying to do with Ahsoka now, and what they intended the theme of the New Jedi to be.

To say that if the Jedi die, the Light dies, is hubris. I might toy with new non-saber religious tendencies in the near feature. I am feeling Star Warsy given the state of things. 

Ayoma, Mirialan (Near-Human) Scoundrel 7

Str 10 Dex 13 Con 9 Int 12 Wis 16 Cha 14

Talents 1 Make an Example 3 For the Cause 5 Gambler/Oafish (Adaptive Talent) 7 Gambler

Starting Feats Point Blank Shot Weapon Prof (pistols) Weapon Prof (simple weapons)

1 Force Sensitive 1B Martial Arts I 2B Weapon Prof (Advanced melee weapons) 3 Precise Shot 4B Quick Draw 6 Adaptive Talent (Gambler/Oafish) 6B Rapid Shot

Skills 4+1 trained Perception Gather Information Deception Knowledge: Galactic Lore Pilot

Equipment Blaster Pistol Vibroblade Death Sticks