#sisters to me at 2020 new year’s being all ‘i just want something interesting to happen!!’

[gregmarriage]

me as a kid being like ‘i wanna stay home all day and do whatever i want!’ and adult me being chronically ill, disabled and bed ridden ✌🏻

[gloster]

FAVORITE FANFICS OF 2023

We did it. We made it. We made it through the end of 2023, and BOY AM I HAPPY AS HELL TO SAY GOOD-FUCKING-BYE TO IT. I don't know about you guys, but this year- particularly the last quarter- have been a lot to say the least. A lot of headaches, a lot of mental breakdowns, a lot of emotional gymnastics, and more.

But thanks to good friends, good shows, good music, and of course good fanfics I managed to see it through the end.

One of my favorite New Year's Eve's traditions where I do my annually fanfic recs/favorite fanfics of the year. This marks a whooping 5th year doing it, YAY 🎉💃🏿 If interested, check out 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, and 2022 lists.

Please know there's no real ranking, despite the number ordering. Loved all these stories listed. Loved all the fanfics writers featured. And of course highly highly highly recommend

Without further ado, here are my favorite fanfics of 2023:

1). Something Good by @no-net-ensnares-me (kathony/kanthony)

Summary: Eager to earn a wage that would provide a more suitable life for her family and prepare for Edwina’s debut in a couple years, Kate accepts a position as governess for the Bridgerton family and moves to London, where she finds herself thrown into the chaos of living with the severe yet handsome Viscount Anthony Bridgerton and his seven siblings.

or

The Sound of Music AU

The Hills are aliiiiiiiiiiiiive with the sound of music/and the feels are FEEEEEEEEEELT with each new chapter. LOL, but all jokes aside, yes it's been a year since we saw our dear Viscount and Viscountess yet I still ride hard for them like it's their season premire all over again. Thanks of course to the awesome fic writers who keep us well-feed as we wait for season 3, such as this gem right here

Seriously, I cannot stress how insanely good this was. A good retelling where you see elements of Sound of Music while also being its' own thing. The longing, the longing between Kate and Anthony is so good. READ IT.

2). A Devil's Love by FormerlyIR (Irony_Rocks), Irony_Rocks (kathony/kanthony)

Summary: When Kate's sister goes missing, she gets herself a waitress job at the Pebble Lounge to track her down, working under London’s seedy underbelly to find the only person she has left in this world to love. And Anthony Bridgerton? No matter how alluring and distracting he may be, he’s just a means to an end, his life defined by his family business built on corruption.

Kate won’t dance to that tune. She’s just trying to find her sister.

Two in a row. A win for kathony/kanthony. Where the first one for the most part is cozy and light, this one is dark. Not surprising since this story, according to the author, was inspired by the 2022's The Batman, focusing on the electric dynamic between our favorite Bruce and Selina Kyle. Or rather in this AU, the dynamics between a dangerous mob boss and a woman going undercover as a waitress to figure out what happened to her sister.

It's got everything. Protective/possessive Anthony. Stubborn, witty Kate. Great sexual tension. Fair warning, there is an unplanned pregnancy so keep that in mind. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride

3). Intent to Cherish by iffervescent (kinn x porsche)

Summary: A mouthy beta runs off with Kinn's watch. He goes to get it back.

4 chapters this story is. 4 chapters of hilarious back and forth. 4 chapters of Porsche keeping that stubborn streak in tact with Kinn trying to chip his way through. 4 chapters we get to watch Porsche go from intriguing thief, to Kinn's employee, and finally intended.

This story checks off so many boxes. ABO AU, which is always a favorite. Sugar Baby and Sugar Daddy dynamic- never get tired of that. And of course Porsche being spoiled rotten. What more could you want?

4). burnt cotton series by taetaehland (taekook)

Summary: here's a series featuring your favorite bratty taehyung and his whipped husband, jeongguk (plus their adorable pups)

Once again, we got ABO and we so far have 11 stories of it featuring our favorite BTS as they grow more of their little family, grow more in love, and of course Tae growing more crafty and poor Kookie growing more insane. I love it.

Not to mention seeing all the ways Jungkook becomes more and more whipped for his husband is just the icing on the cake.

5). 'Tis a Far Better Thing by @the-sinking-ship (drarry)

Summary: 'Tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people — or however the Muggle saying goes — because Potter is in need of professional help, and Draco is just the man to give it to him.

A Drarry Clueless AU.

Sometimes you come across two things, such as two fandoms that on the surface seem so far farfetched until one ambitious fic writer creates a story that combines elements of the two and creates a wonderful gem of a story. Which is exactly what happened here.

Draco Malfoy and Cher Horowitz are so much alike, it's not even funny. Thus enhancing my enjoyment for this story to outright love love loving.

Again, elements to a famous story that brings on the nostalgia and enjoyment while also being it's own fresh spin. Plus FASHION. Draco as a Fashion Designer with Harry being his newest client. Along with Draco massively simping- always a win in my book.

6). Tracklist by Mia_Moon (sukuita/sukuIta)

Summary: Singer Sukuna x Fanboy Yuuji

Where they do kinky stuff together first and then get to know each other later.

Sometimes you have that fandom with an OTP that's set and your loyal ride or ship. Then there are other fandoms, where you love most of the characters, see the chemistry between them, love the dynamics, and it's fair game for shipping season. Jujutsu Kaisen is one of those fandoms, and sukita/sukulta was one of those ships that I just ended up falling in love with it.

Listen. Listen. Listen. I know the synopsis just give smutty smutty good time, but you get that and MORE.

What more you say be asking? Well, for starter our dear boy Yuuji who gets spoiled rotten, pampered, and yes, also gets sexed up 7 ways to Sunday- featuring some of the hottest smut I've read so far might I add. Mia_Moon did their thing, and I definitely will be reading more of and more of their works.

I don't know why to explain it, but there's something about a celebrity AU, where we have one half of the ship be this famous celeb and the other being this outsider getting pulled into their world. I ate it up every single time.

7). I'm Only Going to Heaven (If it Feels Like Hell) by stereobone (eruri)

Summary: "Are you saying you want to be my sugar daddy?" Levi says.

This story, I kid you not, came at the best timing, especially as I still try to untangle my very tangled feelings regarding the final season of Attack of Titan. But one positive that came outta it was my ulitmate love for Levi Ackerman, along with rekindling my love for eruri.

Good to note, one of the quickest quickest ways for me to immediately read a fanfic is if I see the keywords: Sugar Daddy.

What can I say? It gets me everytime. And this one was no different. This story not only came to my radar at the perfect time, but it also was just so damn perfect. So damn good. And of course had me looking through whatever other eruri stories the writer had under their belt.

8). Minor Family Supremacy by @yoonmoonbii (vegaspete, kinnporsche,payurain, prapaisky)

Summary: Like Vegas, Venice Theerapanyakun was born into a dangerous world of crime and power plays. And unlike Vegas, he is well protected by his family who shelters the little boy and spoils him to the core. However, in a day like every other, Venice is kidnapped.

Oh dear lord, where do we begin with this one? Well, much as 2023 was a hot flaming mess, it also became the year of Love of the Air (my new comfort show) and Kinnporsche. For not only me but also for my dear friends @littlenightdragon & @kila09. And what does one do after getting into a new show/fandom? Find fanfics to satisfy the fangirl cravings.

Minor Family Supremacy, or as me and @littlenightdragon often like to call it, the Minor Family Saga was the fanfic for us. And deliver what we needed after finishing Kinnporsche and wanted more of Vegas, more of Pete, and see the other side of the Minor Family.

This one, massive massive props, praise, and all the kudos for @yoonmoonbii for putting this series together because wow. Series starts off with Payu aka Venice as a kid, best friends with his cousin Prapai, being protected by his loving parents until one day changes their dynamics forever- and further widen the gap between the two . But quickly as each story goes on, the two find themselves being more aware of their positions, the complicated histories of their families, and how to stay on course of their own lives without falling into the trappings of Korn's narcisstic chesse game.

It's that good. Each story is like a TV season to the vegaspete spin-off we were so badly owed and sadly weren't granted.

9). Haute Couture, Mon Amour by @goldentruth813 (sheith)

Summary: When a scruffy stranger walks into Mamora Designs, personal shopper Shiro decks him in finery instead of sending him away. Little does Shiro know there’s more to this man than meets the eye and while trying to give him a picture perfect moment he just might find his own instead.

When it comes to @goldentruth813, you can count on several things. Amazing sheith stories. Incredible moments that will make your heart swoon or flutter (depending on the rating). And of course for Shiro to be spoiled rotten and given more depth than the show did.

This one, one word: FASHION. Fashion, fashion, with a lot of a Cinderella-ish vibe, only slightly if you catch it.

Honorable mention:

Wishing on a Frat Boy

10). He's The Bride by @sashadistan (tododeku)

Summary: Fae Prince Shoto has been waiting his whole life to marry his betrothed. As it turns out, a few interesting details were lost in translation, but Shoto still thinks his bride is worth the wait.

Oh @sashadistan, how I adore thee. For the way you just drop these amazing stories for us peasants, feeding us with wonderful content one story at a time. I always love your stories whether it's sheith, tododeku, and more.

This one was no different. This story has everything I could want: Fae Shouto, possessive Shouto, body worship, Izuku being his stuttering and flustering mess, and arranged marriage.

If y'all told me 5 or so years ago, I'd get into arranged marriage, I would have been dumbfounded. Or wonder if you were trying to be funny. Now? I love it. Just goes to show that sometimes it takes a good writer to make something you don't like a win in your eyes.

And now for the Honorable Mentions that were insanely good but due to time & length, couldn't go into full depth:

Just Breathe by @icecream-suga (2 part series w/1st part focusing on yoonmin & the 2nd on taekook; gangsters, drugs, gunplay, OH MY. So goooooood)

Right at Home by cmere (firstprince, alex x henry; grad students in a non-royal AU, fake-dating, and hijinks)

Hair Ribbons and Silk Ties by writer_of_passion (tiana x nanami/tianami; loving husband goes bonkers seeing his wife's curls loose and it GOES DOWN, so so so good)

Bedroom Hymns by Writcraft (drarry; daddy kink w/dom & sub undertones, insanely HOTTT)

Like, Comment, and Romance by @xskyll (tododeku; Youtuber Deku, pro-Hero Shouto, mutual longing and pining wrapped in a insanely fun read)

And there you have it. As usual, thanks to the awesome fanfic writers who do what they do. Fanfics, literally, is the only thing keeping us sane. And please check out all these stories.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, GUYS

[amageish]

So, Nico Minoru's in Spider-Man Freshman Year... Let's talk about it.

About a year ago, Marvel spilled some details about the upcoming animated Spider-Man series, Spider-Man Freshman Year. There was a lot of discussion about it, what it was, what it wasn't, and whether what it is is better or worse then what people wanted it to be.

A couple weeks ago, a trademark filing indicated that the show was scheduled for Winter 2024. In an era where companies are killing announced and nearly-finished projects, I was honestly thinking the show was on thin ice... but since it seems to still exist, I want to talk about something that I feel has gotten surprisingly little discussion in all the discourse about the show: the inclusion of Nico Minoru, of the Runaways, as Peter Parker's best friend.

Now, from a Peter-centered perspective, I think this choice makes sense in a very specific way? If you flash back to the original 60s Spider-Man comics, which the show seems to be trying to invoke aesthetically from the little we've seen, Peter Parker had a female close friend who was representative of 1960s youth counter-culture: Mary Jane.

The degree to which Stan Lee's own values undercut MJ's counter-culturism is something that people could/do entire academic essays about, but suffice it to say that she was meant to appeal to the zeitgeist of the era and the character's spirit certainly got through to viewers. Like, there is a reason that she the OTP for Peter for so many people, even if Lee at the time had intended to keep the focus on Peter's more traditionally conservative romance with Gwen Stacy.

Nico Minoru slots into this classic pre-MJ-as-the-love-interest MJ role very well, in my opinion at least? In her 2000s comics, she was cast as a edgy goth social outcast who made her own clothes and did her own thing... In her 2010s MCU show, she was cast again as an outcast, but with a certain amount of doomerpilled depression that she outgrows as the show goes on... In the 2020s game Midnight Suns, Nico is still a devoted goth, but also draws from queer youth culture and has a certain semi-ironic peppiness to her (she calls the player "friendo" constantly - she's just like me fr).

So, honestly, I think picking Nico Minoru for Spider-Man's best friend is a really clever move that slots her into this historical role of the foil to Peter Parker - fun choice!

However, from a Nico-centered perspective, I have a lot of questions about what this version of the character will be like practically... The biggest one being: Why is Nico in New York? One of the core concepts of the Runaways as a team is that they are a response to the oft-asked question "Why is New York always under threat? Why are there no superheroes having to save LA?". While the West Coast Avengers do, y'know, exist, the Runaways introduces another answer to this question: Supervillains cannot operate in LA without permission of the Pride, a LA-based supervillain mafia who made a pact with a demon from Limbo and require a cut of all crime committed in the city. The titular Runaways are the children of these villains, who choose to reject their parent's lifestyle and go on the run rather then be complicit in their villainy.

So... How did Nico get in New York and end up enrolling in a New York high school? That's a big change for her and I hope the explanation is satisfying.

Nico and her team also don't usually appear as traditional costumed heroes with secret identities, at least not for prolonged periods of time. They've used several codenames and several costumes, but it's always bit a touch comedic - Nico goes by "Sister Grimm" because they decide they need nicknames to be superheroes as somewhat-cringy-teens while she later uses "The Gloom" partially at the encouragement of her girlfriend, but she's still largely just... Nico. It's worth noting that both Midnight Suns and Marvel Snap break naming conventions to call her by her first/last name instead of an alias - something Snap mostly does with big-deal characters like Jean Grey and Kitty Pryde, with even other characters more known by their real name like Emma Frost and Danielle Moonstar being called by their hero names instead...

So, I'm curious if Nico will be using her powers to fight crime and, if she is, what codename/costume she has... On top of that, I wonder if Peter Parker will know that Nico is a blood witch and if Nico will know that Peter Parker is Spider-Man - or if they mutually uncover that across the events of the series... Doctor Strange is also set to be in this show - will he be a mentor for her as a budding witch, perhaps even more then he is a mentor for Peter? There's a lot of possibilities there too.

Finally, there's the big question of Nico Minoru's queerness. Now, there's basically two lists of Marvel queers - the characters written as queer by the writers and artists at Marvel and the characters Marvel corporate have actually approved as being queer and stamped with a big rainbow stamp of approval. This is what separates your "did a gay kiss once" characters from your "paraded out every June" characters...

Nico is in the latter category and is potentially one of the most corporate-approved queer characters there are. This girl is BISEXUAL and Marvel is uncharacteristically interested in making sure you know it. She got a Pride variant cover kissing her girlfriend when Pearlmutter was still at the company. Her MCU show is full of gay kisses and has not one but TWO fantasy gay wedding sequences (it also got removed from Disney+ earlier this year, funny that).

Now, uh, America Chavez is basically the face of Sapphic Marvel in the comics and her queerness got reduced to a Pride pin in her movie, so I'm not sure if Nico's bisexuality will be acknowledged in the show given that precedent... but I sure hope it does!!! It'd be cute if Karolina pops in too, helping her girlfriend out with whatever antics she gets into... She wasn't in the initial revealed character line-up, but I could also see them waiting to reveal her and hoping to get hype specifically from shippers who haven't thought about the pairing in a few years since the Runaways TV show ended.

ANYWAY. That was a lot of thoughts, but I'm just very curious what's going to happen here... I love Nico and am eager to see her in this show, but it also just feels like such an unconventional choice... to the point where I am apparently thinking about it this hard a year later.

[earthflaxmachina]

The (Brief) Metahistory of Ben-Gal

Yet another instagram request. Bengal hasn't gone through much change because PH development is pretty recent. But still, good to keep an archive of these things.

Note that Powerhouse is a comic in the works so obviously I can't share every detail about certain plot points because where's the fun in that?

Let's a go!

CREATION: 19th September 2020

Figure 1. First drawing (19th September 2020) | Figure 2. Second drawing (23rd September 2020) | Figure 3. Third drawing (30th September 2020)

Before he was Bengal, he was my AMONG US SONA!!!!!!!!!!!! Also Powerhouse didn't exist yet. That's it.

A NEW NAME AND A NEW STORY: 6th December 2020

Figure 3. Bengal concept art (6th December 2020)

Now he was no longer a sona, but alive! His story (aka Powerhouse) was called Orbital Immolation at this time. You can see he is quite scrawny and scared. The story was pretty consistent to what it is now, being that he escaped from his work prison and is trying to find his way back to his family and sister, Grizel. Kasper was created around this time too. Since this is a post about Bengal, I'm not going to go the extra mile of mentioning other PH characters (unless someone wants that) despite being made the same time, because I'm tired. More Orbital Immolation art (with Bengal in it) below.

Not dating these individually but they were from December 2020 to June 2021, in order of creation.

By the way, it was called Orbital Immolation because I had the idea to make Bengal blow himself up to save the world in the end of it, hence, Immolation. At this time, I also had an idea for a sequel that would center around Grizel in the future still grieving over Bengal, as you can see in that picture with her and Robot Bengal.

In the 7th picture, there is a cat-looking girl. She was supposed to be Kasper's niece trying to avenge him after Bengal killed him. I don't remember exactly when I decided Kasper was a robot, but at that time he probably wasn't one because he had a niece. Or she was a robot created by a sister company of Kasper’s engineers, hence making her a cousin? Idk. Also you can see Cain in the 5th picture!

Also back then, Bengal was aroace.

From Bengal's toyhouse page (roughly December 2020):

"Bengal is a worker for MADA Space Corp, a prison-like space station floating in the middle of Mezuno. He boarded the ship when he was 16 to make money for his sickly mother, as well as provide tuition funding for his sister, Grizel, so she doesn't have to end up like him, rotting in manual labour. Bengal would describe himself as hardworking, nimble, and expendable. He has had the same routine for 12 years hoping his effort has paid off and that there may be a slight possibility he could return to his home planet. Little does he know, Isari had been destroyed for 2 years now, along with its culture and inhabitants. The only Isarians alive now are either refugees or had migrated to different planets before its destruction."

Interesting part about his planet, which probably isn't still canon. I had forgotten about that.

POWERHOUSE: 19th October 2021

Figure 4. First Powerhouse poster | Figure 5. First Powerhouse poster (sketch), both 19/10/21. A day before my birthday!

Here was when I decided to change the name of the comic because Orbital Immolation was Not Catchy. By now I had established the role of Reckoners in the story and wanted a technology-related title that also reflects something about our protagonist. I had 2 ideas for names: 1. Live Wire, and 2. Powerhouse. My lovely oomf helped me choose, so you have her to thank. Imagine calling it Live Wire.

Besides a bit of a personality change (he's silly now) and a workout, that's about all that's different from modern PH. I told you it was brief. Let's just look at the evolution of Bengal illustrations to finish this off.

Figure 5. What would become the basis of "Jailbreak" (28th June 2021) | Figure 6. "Snack" (18th July 2021)

Figure 7. Supposed redraw of "Snack" (23rd August 2021)

Figure 4. (19th October 2021)

Figure 8. "Murder Machine" cover (24th November 2021)

Figure 9. "Jailbreak" cover sketch (4th February 2022) | Figure 10. "Jailbreak" cover (2nd May 2022)

Figure 11. Powerhouse title sketch (17th July 2023) | Figure 12. Powerhouse title (7th August 2023)

Ohhh they grow up so fast.

Bye!

[introvertedlass]

Every time I come on here I see blogs fighting about a wedding and engagement lol.

You are one of the most level-headed blogs on here so I thought maybe you'd appreciate this. If you don't, totally okay as well.

I've been pretty convinced of whose behind the "not so" recent engagement/dating rumors but I'm also suspicious of one of the earliest DM Anons that started talking about them dating back in like Jan-Feb 2022. I hope someone somewhere has the SS of the DM who said, "Can confirm CE/AB have been dating for OVER A YEAR." I don't remember the exact phrasing, but they used the exact over a year term, back in Jan 2022. If my memory serves correct, this same anon alluded to AB's circle knowing about it bc it being known in PT.

Like 10 months later, the People mag announcement drops and literally uses the phrase "over a year." Except, This was like 10 months later, so over a year from Jan 2022, according to the DM anon, would mean they met back in like early 2021 or earlier (2020??) which would be virtually impossible due to Covid restrictions and the fact that there's concrete Justin/AB IG proof that she was entertaining Lucas Bravo during late 2020-2021. However, this DOES potentially support the theory that the earliest DM anon was pushing a narrative for AB/CE to go public maybe spring 2022 (like some ppl theorized, due to AB's Paris movie/WN supposed to be dropping earlier). That people announcement also steered 1000% in AB's favor. Yes, it's CE's teams go to mag, but the majority of the article was singing AB's (limited praises), saying she was some type of humanitarian and can speak so many languages, and all of his fam/friends adore her. All they wrote about CE was that he was the SMA (lol). It felt very much like we're doing this for you, AB - so you get the spotlight. And yes, her show dropped that same day.

I'm sorry...but this never really sat right with me. Her debut 1000% took away from CE's SMA announcement, and the fans went berserk and the GP was also pretty blindsided. Nobody was really happy about it but just confused and the fans were melting down and angry. The only person who really benefited from all this was AB, who - at the time, seemed pretty happy about all the new attention and followers she was getting.

Something somewhere went wrong to cause her to post her shower nightmare. But since then, the "engagement" rumors started to make traction - first, from the dumb Pantene twitter, and later, making its way to the lame radar online gossip rag. The radar online article ending with, "we have reached out to CE's reps and awaiting a comment or response." Interesting that nobody needed to ask AB's rep, just CE's. Either she's that irrelevant even to third rate tabloids, or...you know the rest. Every single time, the engagement rumors push "AB is so amazing, CE is so in love, all of his fam/friend adore her, she's so modest and private, but he wants to go big for her".

PT/Brazil tabloids keep pushing the narrative, and more and more ppl are supposedly confirming, including Justin's Dad? (LOL)

All people have to do is look at who is continuously benefiting from these rumors. Even if every single one of AB's family members and ppl she went to grammar school with "confirm" the wedding to tabloids, I'm still not buying it. Mostly because AB may literally be the dumbest human on the planet if she STILL thinks that getting every single person on her turf confirming/trolling on behalf of her, doesn't make her just as guilty. Girl...you saying nothing and pretending you don't care and don't troll, but your cousin's sister's fiancé's best friend talks to tabloids confirming your marriage...who do you think all of this will trace back to? (Why would CE's team need to ask your grandma's hairdresser to spill deets to a tabloid? They could literally just go to TMZ themselves LOL bc of his status in HW)

It's completely valid for team real to believe they are getting married. By all "appearances," it makes more sense they would be than not, simply bc they made the relationship public and their names are attached to each other, and neither has denied the rumors. So team real does have ammo, and the Queen blog believing their source doesn't make them liars, it just makes their source convincing enough for them to believe them.

But what I need people to remember is that there's one person who's benefiting from these engagement rumors and it's not CE. His family/friends have virtually gone into hiding to avoid having to be harassed every time more rumors pop up. His fanbase is the one threatening to drop him if he gets married to her. AB's fanbase doesn't seem to care, and if she married him, it wouldn't be bad for her career or image, it would only serve her good. It's pretty darn easy to figure out who's most likely pushing the rumors and continuously in the most roundabout and manipulative ways. Whose relevancy will completely fall back into obscurity if the rumors don't end up being true? Whose name has benefited from these rumors since late 2021, and now has ppl outside of PT talking about them, simply bc they "got into a relationship?"

Thank you for sharing this detailed ask. You bring up a lot of valid points that explain what many of us having been thinking since the start of this show. And, tbh there have been times where I can see why people could see this as real. Not judging them, people believe what they believe- me included. However there have been so many anomalies for me that it is impossible to believe that this is anything but a manufactured show. I appreciate you writing this in such a concise manner as it has reaffirmed my thinking. 🙂

[consolecadet]

I'm feeling slightly less seething Christmas hatred than usual this year. I've reached a point where, though I still strongly dislike a lot of things about Christmas, I can separate out the different bits and not let the ones I hate make me cranky about the ones I like.

Like. . .I despise Christmas music, "ugly sweaters", the Salvation Army, jingly little bells, eggnog, candy canes, big hunks of ham, Christmas media, the crushing expectation that you must put on the cheerful rictus of The Christmas Spirit, elves (Santa can stay but only if he's gay), most Christian conceptions of religious entities, people's assumptions that you have a pleasant and uncomplicated relationship with your family of origin, the planet-burning American culture of consumption, proselytization, those new LED string lights that make your front lawn look like a gamer lair, etc, etc, etc.

But I do like peppermint bark, the smell of balsam fir, cheese plates, a short visit to my parents' nice house where trans people outnumber cis people 2:1 and I can always get into my car and drive away, knowing my sister will cherish any lesbian-themed objects I give her, incandescent string lights, neatly wrapping presents with nice paper and double-sided tape, and I guess Die Hard.

My local Buy Nothing group means I no longer have nearly as much of a guilt spiral about receiving gifts I dislike. I believe I've finally gotten my father to stop giving me novelty socks and awful plasticky novelty band-aids. (Actually, maybe I'm giving myself too much credit. I just realized the store where he bought his most irritating gifts closed permanently in 2020.) I also just don't take it as personally when people give me something that betrays a major misapprehension of who I am. It's not like I make it easy for people to know me, especially my parents.

I think part of what's making this time of year less psychologically harrowing is that 1) I got to do Christmas and Hanukkah with KC and without my parents last year, and thus reject within our apartment everything I hated while keeping the menorah and peppermint bark and 2) I spent some time this year trying to practice Judaism in ways my dad was not interested in sharing with me when I was growing up, and figured out what I did/didn't like or value about certain aspects of Jewish religious practice.

It seems very obvious that if I can give up on learning Hebrew because it's upsetting and difficult for me and have a seder with gluten-free matzo that doesn't halachically qualify as Real Matzo, I can absolutely also banish the concept of Christ and all renditions of Silent Night from my home while enjoying smelling a tree in there.

It's extremely common to be a child of an agnostic interfaith couple who did not give you a connection to any kind of faith community and left you with lots of baggage about it. I don't have to wait to fix my feelings about that before I can participate in any holiday or religious practice, and probably HAVE to try participating with a modicum of vulnerability if I want to change anything. Also none of these things materially affect Israel's genocidal behavior unless I, like, buy my parents SodaStream canisters for Christmas.

It probably also helps that I left the job where my boss expected extreme enthusiasm at all times and took any doubt or questions as personal affronts. I read The Promise of Happiness and no longer feel like affect alienation is a personal failing on my part. I feel far less bitter, resentful, and hateful about Christmas if I don't let people pressure me to be (or perform being) sweet, cheerful, and loving about it.

Fuck the Elf on the Shelf though. That's just weird.

[masschase]

1, 4, 9, and 21 for the ask meme🎄

Christmas Boss ask meme

1. What was Christmas like for your Boss growing up? Do they miss it?

In all honesty Casey probably had some OK Christmases when she was very young, particularly when her Nonna was still alive. Deeply religious but they also would have worked at bringing a little magic to it. But obviously once her mom became neglectful, that kind of overtook the good ones. Her sister would try and make Christmas a little better when she was old enough to do so but Casey's memory of them is overall pretty bleak. She's kind of naive about a lot of Christmas "stuff" until 2020 when I set the DLC, some of it she didn't learn until 2021.

4. How would your Boss react to their partner or love interest (or one of them) walking up to them with mistletoe?

We know Casey pretends she doesn't like "romantic crap" and until 2021 she didn't actually know much about mistletoe because of her general avoidance of Christmas. However she has a significant moment that same year with Matt and mistletoe which was the first moment she kind of let herself realise he was beautiful(she'd been falling for him more subconsciously for a while by this point though).

For that reason alone, if Matt walked up to her with some from the following year when they are dating, she'd probably get an unusually soft smile on her face as he walked up to her. If he took his time she'd probably kiss him before he even got it over her head. Her reactions may not be as immediately passionate as the years go on, but it would always make her smile. 😊

9. What would be the ideal Christmas for your Boss?

Before the events of Christmas 2020 it would have been laying in bed drinking a bottle of scotch from the moment anyone even utters the word "holiday". Cookies optional. Fuck buddy optional. Not that her Saints would necessarily let her have that, but given how secretive she is about her past, she probably managed to sneak away to a hotel room for a few days under the guise of seeing family and do that.

After the events of the DLC she took an interest in learning more about Christmas traditions and in 2021 she asked the Zin to help get everything her Saints might want (with the promise the Saints would do the same for whenever the Zin's next holiday was) to enjoy it. It was obviously a small gathering aboard the ship, a few drinks and movies on Christmas eve and then dinner and presents on Christmas day. There was obviously some chaos going on while Casey was in the simulation getting her pony from "Santa"; when Casey asks Matt if it resembles a British Christmas his thoughts are "No snow, too much booze and a fight." and he's inclined to agree.

The Saints still have a small gathering on Christmas Day for the next few years because they're kind of having to make new traditions after the loss of the Earth. As they grow older with their own homes, partners, families, new friends etc. they do tend to keep some sort of gathering, just not always with everyone and not on Christmas Day.

21. Anything else you want to talk about regarding your Boss and this time of year?

It won't let me upload the damn video but this was one of the moments that made me decide like yeah, why not say she's into Nyte Blayde by this point?

(Her lipstick always glitches off on the ship for some reason. Also Matt is not at all terrifying in that first one.)

But also something I probably won't get around to drawing but in "real time" she is coming up to around 16 weeks pregnant right now, so I'm picturing part of Christmas 2023 being the Saints setting up a camera on a timer to take a few photos and for the second one she and Matt just pull out this long concertina of sonogram photos to capture everyone's reactions. Some of them already kind of suspected something but she didn't have a noticeable bump yet and for some this was the first indication so... yeah. Probably a very funny photo!

[snezfics-n-shit]

Sicktember Day 24: "Did you just sneeze?"

Fandom: Ace Attorney Characters: Franziska von Karma, Larry Butz Notes: Can’t get enough of Larry and Franziska being besties? Me neither! If you have had enough, I’m sorry but not really. This entry is actually somewhat of a follow-up of last year’s “Excessive Use of Tissues” entry you can find in my Sicktember 2022 collection. Franziska and Larry get together as they usually do, with Franziska reluctant to allow Larry even a glimpse of the imperfections her life has accumulated in recent weeks. Set early in the 7yg, just like the entry this is following up on, but this time with references to one of Shu Takumi’s short stories from 2020. Just like said entry from last year, there are mentions of very recent past franmaya. Also, Larry has no room to tease Franziska’s girly sneeze because, as some friends and I have decided (and therefore made true and canon), he has his own cutesy pixie sneezes. Maybe a future entry will give Franziska the chance to send the teasing back into his court (hint hint) hehe. If you like the things I write, I always appreciate reblogs and comments; they really make my day!

     Franziska von Karma refused to consider herself unlucky in anything. She was not unlucky in her career after several losses in American courtrooms. She was not unlucky in love after the recent end of her very first romantic relationship. She was most definitely not unlucky in health after that foolish little brother of hers gave her this dreadful cold that seemed to wait for the worst moment to strike once she returned home. Everything had to have happened for a perfect reason; that’s what her older sister once told her. 

A perfect reason for her cold to be at its worst on the day Larry Butz was to visit, no matter how much she refused to believe it, may as well have not existed. It was too late to cancel the plans made months in advance, leaving her pushing herself to appear at her best, even if she was feeling close to the worst. 

“How was your flight?” She asked as she poured tea for both herself and Larry. Tea was a wonderful thing, both for serving to houseguests and soothing an ailing body. Franziska could have easily been upfront about her choice to serve tea instead of her usual offer of a wide range of beverages when Larry arrived, but what good would it be for Larry to know? His occasional obliviousness was a gift that anyone would be a fool not to take advantage of once in a while. 

“It was pretty exciting! I’ve never been on a private jet before.” Larry smiled and made a soft, gleeful noise as he picked up the teacup to blow on his tea, ignoring Franziska’s look of irritation towards his unwillingness to burn his tongue. “I’ve been on a lot of planes, but they were always crowded and I usually ended up with the seat in front of a really fidgety kid who would kick my seat for the entire flight. I don’t blame the kid, though; I probably would’ve been just like that if my parents could afford flying when I was growing up.”

“What about those first class tickets I recall you purchasing?” Franziska asked as she savored a breath of the steam emanating from her teacup, careful as ever to be quiet in doing so. 

“Oh, those weren’t for me! I can never afford more than one of those, but my girlfriends have deserved nothing but the best. Take Bennifer, for example. She really wanted to visit Tibet, so I thought it’d be really nice to travel there with her.” Larry’s expression fell. “When we got there, she thanked me for the first class flight and then immediately told me she wasn’t interested in me anymore.” He sighed. “I guess it wasn’t all bad. I got my miles from the flight and a new place so say I’ve visited.” 

“It still sounds like a shame, though.” Franziska took a small sip of her tea. “To go out of your way for someone, only for her to tell you that a relationship is something that no longer fits where she wants her life to be right now.” Her voice shook despite her efforts to separate herself from this particular topic. For Larry to find out she was just as impacted by the pits of heartbreak as any other human might be even worse than if he were to find out she wasn’t feeling well.

“Did I strike a chord or something, Franzy?” Larry tilted his head. “It’s not like you and Maya– No way!” He leaned forward with wide eyes.  “You got dumped!?” 

“I did not ‘get dumped!’” Franziska growled, taking her throat by surprise and triggering a good few seconds of coughing. “E-Excuse me.” She sniffled as she struggled to regain her composure. “The relationship may have ended, but not in a way I would describe as ‘dumping,’ even if it was her decision.” 

“Woah, woah. Sorry.” Larry laughed nervously. “It’s just a, uh, figure of speech, really. When you get dumped as much as I have, you start to realize it’s not a dirty word. It is the hardest the first time around, though, and I’m here for you. You know that, right?” 

As much as Franziska could not stand the word, considering it to be far too vulgar for something she felt to be a serious and painful matter, maybe Larry was right. Maybe the first time around simply was the hardest and it would be, dare she say, much appreciated to spend this time in the company of a friend. 

“T-Thank you,” Franziska swallowed despite the soreness it caused, “Larry Butz.” She had to be ill for those words to come out so easily. “You’re far better of a confidant than my foolish little brother has been lately.” 

“Huh? What did Edgey do this time?”

“He hogged the tissue box in my time of need, for one thing!” Franziska started. “Then, I can tell he clearly neglected to disinfect his living space because he… he… Iit’tshhew!! H’hsshhiew!!” She scrambled to find her pocket handkerchief and make quick use of it before Larry could potentially catch a glimpse of being so unpresentable. 

“Did… Did you just sneeze?” Larry asked through poorly stifled laughter. 

“Why would it matter?” Franziska’s voice was muffled by the handkerchief pressed against her face. 

“You’re just so… dainty, Franzy!” Larry held his hand to his mouth to hide his involuntary smile. “It’s cute, like a little kitten!”

“Were we not having a serious discussion right now?” Franziska huffed. “I refuse to let it take such a foolish turn as this!”

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” Larry quickly attempted to calm himself. “I, uh, I’m guessing he gave you that nasty cold, huh?” 

Franziska was about to admit it anyway, so there was no sense in denying when this visit had already led to Larry seeing multiple aspects of Franziska that she would have rather hid. 

“Yes, he did.” Franziska scowled as if Miles had committed a much higher offense than just not spending Franziska’s entire time at his home in a hazmat suit. 

“The nerve!” Larry made a scandalized face, one of his favorite things to do whenever he and Franziska met up to tell each other the latest gossip. 

Franziska wanted to laugh at Larry’s exaggerations, but ended up coughing instead.

“Pardon me.” She cleared her throat. “But now you do see the full consequences of Miles Edgeworth’s foolishness.”

“Yeah!” Larry again played up his reaction. “Hold on, I think I got some cough drops with me.” He dug through his jacket’s pockets before pulling out a couple of cough drops. “I don’t know how well it’ll go with your tea, but it’s worth a shot, right?”

“I suppose I’m willing to try.” This was Franziska’s way of accepting the offer, though she grimaced as soon as the saccharine cherry flavor met her tongue. She mentally reminded herself that Larry was trying to help and instinctively used her tongue to push the cough drop to the side of her mouth. “So, while this melts, why don’t you tell me what you’ve been up to?”

“Really?” Larry blinked. His brain needed to flip through the cards of Phoenix’s rough situation that he didn’t feel right divulging and recent failed relationships he would rather not bring up given Franziska’s opening up about her first heartbreak. “Well, uh, I graduated from my patisserie school program!”

“You did?”

“Yup! And you won’t believe what Edgey told me afterwards! He said…” 

[zerochanges]

2022 Favorite Anime

The year 2022 was an interesting one. I’d say it was bad but not all bad. I had a lot on my plate and once again it feels like I never have enough time to actually play or watch all the things I want to within the year. This year just like last year I am going to include stuff irregardless of when it came out, so even if it’s an anime from 2020, if I watched it in 2022 for the first time it will make this list. So without too much more pomp or circumstance let’s just get into my list of anime that I thought was worth talking about in 2022.

A Couple of Cuckoos

So I am starting off this list with yet another basic romcom, just the way I like it. Why not do something a little light and easy for the start? Yeah. A Couple of Cuckoos is more or less what you would expect out of the genre, but yeah, like I was getting at that is more or less all I really want; I’m not asking for a reinvention of the wheel for my entertainment, at least not all of it. The characters are all likable and the show is weirdly 2 cours, something not seen all that often nowadays, which gives you a lot more time with the cast. The slower pace and extra time really helps develop the protagonist’s relationship in a way that feels more believable, well as believable as getting switched at birth and ending up living with randos your whole life then getting engaged to the person your genetic family raised in order to “fix” that can be. 

Boruto: Naruto Next Generations

Last year was probably one of the biggest highlights for the Boruto anime, really getting into the solid meat and potatoes of the series and covering a large arc from the manga, and this year … pretty much went the exact opposite direction—yet I loved it all the same. It was fairly obvious from the onset that the series would need another cooling off period so to say to distance itself from the monthly published manga material and give it some more time to serialize itself, so expectations for me where always set at tepid, but I genuinely enjoy the anime original content the series is largely comprised of.

This year started off on a very strong foot none-the-less as it went into a nearly 25 episode long story arc, one of the longest in the anime, that returned us to the Land of Water, something fans have wanted for years now. We got to see the return of anime favorite character Kagura, and a joint mission with Team 5, the often little utilized characters of the main cast. And then there’s the fact that Kawaki officially joined Team 7 with Boruto and crew, making this his first formal mission. Overall there was a lot of content to enjoy here, although I admit due to its length the arc drags a bit in the middle, but has a solid start and finish.

The following arc sees Kawaki take over as the central protagonist in an undercover mission to guard a noble attending the ninja academy, this was perhaps one of the biggest highlights of the anime this year for me, as it really helps shine some more light on our new deuteragonist and brought back a fun and whimsical tone. Seeing a character like Kawaki who had a very rough childhood; an alcoholic father, being human trafficked, and then experimented on, have to go to school with younger kids and try to fit in is in itself just a perfect premise for a story. It also deepens his relationship with his adopted sister Hima as she begins to attend the academy. This was honestly Boruto at its sharpest as far as anime original content goes. 

The final arc this year was a bit wacky but just so out-there that how can you not have fun with it. Boruto essentially ends up in a SAW movie and has to survive all these trials to the end. Do people know what SAW is anymore? Should I have said Naruto meets Squid Game instead? Is anyone reading this anyways? Oh well, it’s honestly a lot of fun seeing what death games would be like in the Naruto universe and the large cast created (to mostly die) for this arc have great chemistry with our boy. The staff evenly finds a great way to neatly tie this all together with the main plot of the manga. I genuinely hope we can see a return of some of these characters in future anime original content.

This new year is already starting off strong, covering a Sasuke light novel and then getting back into the next manga arc so I am still really excited to follow the series after all these years.

Call of the Night

I was a big fan of Dagashi Kashi when it originally aired back in 2016, so seeing a new manga from its creator was very exciting. In general Call of the Night is almost identical to his prior series, it carries the same incredibly relaxing and chill aura with emphasis on character interaction. This is a vibe series, largely composed of dialogue between its cast, and that isn’t a complaint, I’d say that is a real strength of Kotoyama’s making interesting dialogue that flows naturally as a pathway to seeing the very soul of his characters. 

I adore the night time only setting, being a night owl naturally myself—and the direction, animation, and general direction of the anime is incredible. This is one solid production, with easily the best soundtrack of the year. The name of the manga itself is taken from a song made by the Japanese band Creepy Nuts, which very fittingly ended up being used as the ending theme, but not only that they provide much of the music heard in the show itself, and they are all  bangers in my book.

Cardfight Vanguard will+Dress

The inaugural season of overDress was a bit of a mess back in 2021, I think I may have said as much back in my 2021 retrospectives, but I’ll repeat myself here again. It was far from bad but it was awkward; probably down to the fact that it was only 1 cour long and trying to both establish the cast, world, and relationships the series will be founded on, while also being a card battle series—and it often had to sacrifice one for the other at times. The second season or cour of overDress largely corrected that and was where the series really began to shine for me, winning me over and making me feel confident in this new single cour a season approach Vanguard is heading in now. 

The newest season of the “D Series” as it is being called now, will+Dress largely continued being a solid but a bit rushed card battle series. Covering an entire tournament arc in under 13 episodes is no tall order but they mostly succeed in what is presented here and have some genuine great battles as well as fit in just enough character development for a couple cast members that it doesn’t overwhelm us with nothing but battles. It wasn’t as strong as cour 2 of overDress but I was honestly on the edge of my seat during a lot of these fights, and Jesus Christ does the soundtrack destroy this season! 

I never seen a card battle anime go THIS HARD before, for real! I have to mention this, I have been a fan of this genre since its actual inception during the mid-90’s and not once have I ever experienced anything as incredible as the will+Dress soundtrack. It’s just that good, a new standard for card battle anime music to follow. 

Chainsaw Man

This is going to be difficult. I really don’t know what to do when it comes to accurately describing my feelings towards Chainsaw Man, if anything putting down into words all my thoughts and emotions have been part of what made me drag my feet on doing this list for so long. Chainsaw Man is a complicated show. Well really, no it isn't. But actually it is. It’s difficult. Let’s start at the very beginning since I think that would be for the best.

So for me Chainsaw Man truly began when the manga ran a chapter that featured the characters going to the movies. There they watched a bunch of crappy films all back-to-back and then finally at the end, after hours of countless garbage they see one good film. It brings tears to the protagonist’s eyes over how good the experience was. It was a fascinating and sincere commentary from an author about the movie going experience and what cinema means warts and all. Hell maybe it is even deeper and is about the experience of life itself and how you have to go through lots of bad but that there is still good. 

Either way, I knew nothing about the manga at the time when this chapter went viral on twitter. I kept seeing it, and multiple takes on it, and even read just that chapter. It made Chainsaw Man seem like something special to me. And then that’s it. Much like everything else in my life I just never got around to reading the manga proper. Had some friends that loved it, and that one chapter about going to the movies left an undeniable impact on me. But life is life and mine always sees me never getting around to things I really should.

Years later the series gets an anime and I figured “Great! This is my chance to finally get into it” and what’s more it’s being done by MAPPA? “All right, those guys kill it.” And they did. When the anime came out it was highly praised and easily one of the most talked about series I saw on twitter during that season. I finally got to experience Chainsaw Man and honestly … I just don’t know.

Let’s talk about what works. The animation is stupendous, to a stupid point. Even just characters walking are insanely good looking, the most basic stuff, the most minute little things that don’t usually matter, they are all done as well as the big important battle scenes. The English dub is top notch, maybe even the best this year. The dialogue is incredibly natural, and conversations flow just like real life. I especially appreciate the F-bombs that occur fairly often in the series but never feel gratuitous, just another part of how people naturally talk. Which really impressed me since Funimation dubs tend to be far more squeaky clean and avoid the fouler side of language. 

So what doesn’t work? It just feels kind of hollow, if that makes any sense? Maybe it’s the pacing. The beginning of the show is slow and not much happens, which I am not complaining about since we’re just learning how the world works and about these characters, but then it just kind of ends. Very abruptly. We take our sweet time, and for what? As soon as the show is getting into the swing of things it just stops. It feels hollow, almost like it was canceled. Maybe this is just the nature of the beast and how high quality productions work, we have to settle for less content that is higher quality, but another cour might have really made it feel better. When the final episode finished I just felt nothing. Just “that’s it, huh?” I wonder if there could have been a better stopping point in the manga, who knows.

I wanted a lot out of Chainsaw Man, there was tons to love, and I can’t honestly think of any other grade to give this anime than an A+, but damn dude, I just don’t know. Why do I feel so empty? Maybe I should read the manga, it might have the catharsis and energy I wanted out of the show but was denied. There’s been some controversy over this anime now that it’s over but I don’t want to contribute to it. I can’t help but feel conflicted though. Will I forever be chasing the high of that one viral chapter of the manga I saw all those years ago? Or am I overthinking it and just want more Chainsaw Man and that’s a good thing? I just don’t know anymore. 

Digimon Ghost Game

I did not grow up with Digimon. I say this because there is a very obvious difference between people that did and people that didn’t. I don’t have this irrelevant love for the original series that came before nor even really that high of an opinion on them, and honestly I like when the franchise seems to branch out and try new things—and that’s definitely where Ghost Game squarely falls. 

It’s not a perfect show by any means and it has a fair number of dud episodes that just don’t land nearly that well, but it is overall a much more interesting and easier to watch series than the last five or so years of overly indulgent nostalgia trips the series has been set on. At its strongest I almost feel like I’m watching GeGeGe no Kitaro (2018) again, and that is definitely not a compliment I give out lightly. 

Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero

I had a lot of reservations about this film. I wasn’t crazy about an all CGI Dragon Ball and I definitely had trust issues with this series when it comes to promises of Gohan being important. After the Buu Saga, being a fan of Gohan is endless suffering. My boy has had more false starts and character assassinations than anyone else in all of anime. He really is the character Toriyama and other Dragon Ball writers seem to struggle with the most despite him being an essential core component of Dragon Ball. When I started watching anime Gohan was who I put myself in the shoes of. He was how I related to Goku and everyone else. I just don’t really wanna see my boy done dirty yet again by another false start that goes nowhere.

Well worry no more! Because the film looks fantastic, honestly there were moments where I forgot it was even CGI at all, it was that good and captured the look of a 2D anime that well. And the plot truly lets Gohan be Gohan again. Between him and Piccolo, the two are able to carry the film. It’s a great return to form and does a lot without having to rely on Vegeta or Goku. I love the charm and humor of earlier Dragon Ball shining through again in the film too. 

More of this please. I absolutely would adore seeing these elements of Dragon world explored again.

Dragon Quest: Dai no Daibouken (2020)

The 2020 adaptation of Dai no Daibouken has been a dream come true for me. One of my all time favorite mangas, a venerable Shonen Jump classic, finally got the anime it deserved and it’s been so much fun. I can’t really comment too much more on this, Toei made an incredible, well paced, well animated, and very faithful adaptation of a wonderful manga. I felt like a kid again watching it every Friday night, and the ending is just as good as I remembered. If you missed it, Dragon Quest fan or not, I highly recommend binging the entire 100 episode series, you won’t regret it. This is one of the best that 90’s Shonen Jump has to offer, and done with the best animation today has to offer.

I’m Quitting Heroing

This was a nice little gem of a title that was exclusive to Hidive. A fun twist on the usual JRPG tropes about brave Heroes fighting Demon Kings, we have the titular Hero throwing away his duty and instead joining the demon army! The army he just crushed not too long ago. You see, after saving the human world from the Demon Army, the humans returned the favor by exiling the hero fearing him for being even stronger than the demon threat. Not taking that lying down, our hero has now changed sides.

This series has an insane amount of heart. It’s a very short story, able to be told in its entirety in its single cour season, and yet does so much with its cast. Learning the story behind the titular hero and what it means to “quit being a hero” and finding your own identity and reason to live. There’s a lot more stuff in this little simple funny twist on the usual JRPG formula than you would expect. 

Kaiji (Dub)

After 15 years the Kaiji dub is finally here! It’s really hard to believe. How did it take this long to dub such a beloved series I’ll never know?! But finally another reason to rewatch Kaiji in 2022, I’ll take it! If anything, Kaiji feels even more poignant today than it did back in 2007 after two more financial crises and who knows how many recessions have occurred. Honestly every day since the mid-twenty-teens have felt like some absurd nightmare with the rich keep consolidating power and the middle class increasingly disappearing. 

The catharsis of the scathing anti-capitalist themes in Kaiji are so needed today. Hell it’s really saying something when a scumbag like Kaiji is the most moral person in the room, money truly does something horrible to all of us. Seeing Kaiji’s moral compass time and time again come to screw him over when he could have gotten out of sticky situations if he was just as greedy and heartless as everyone else really speaks volume to me. It doesn’t help that all the gambling done in these death games are also incredibly interesting and fun to watch on their own even when you ignore the themes of the work as well. 

Lucifer and the Biscuit Hammer

Lucifer and the Biscuit Hammer came out all the way back in 2005 and was one of the debut works of the incredibly talented and often overlooked Satoshi Mizukami. It was a fan favorite manga that sadly never got an anime nor a very widespread publication of the manga over here—with the volumes long out-of-print and often going for very high prices now. Yet somehow, for some reason, all the way in 2022, the series is getting a second chance, Lucifer and the Biscuit Hammer got an anime! It’s not great though.

Yeah sadly, the anime isn’t exactly worth the 17 year long wait. It’s not awful by any stretch, and condenses the material of the 10 volume long manga into a complete and full story 24 episode long anime, but I can’t help but feel it could have been better. 

Maybe I am spoiled seeing how well other anime productions have condensed materials, the 2011 Madhouse adaptation of Hunter x Hunter comes to mind, more specifically the Greed Island portion, that was a great adaptation of the material, and the recent JoJo seasons like Diamond is Unbreakable is another solid example of taking a lot of material and condensing it, 18 manga volumes in 38 episodes. Animes like these make Biscuit Hammer’s decisions and pacing feel a lot weaker to me. 

Then there’s the animation, to be blunt it ain’t very good. All this screams to me that the show had a very tight and small budget and not a lot of staff. I imagined they didn’t really go out of their way to make this series a priory. It kind of reminds me a lot of what happens to Berserk animes, but thankfully it isn’t anywhere nearly as bad as that!

So don’t get me wrong, the general spirit of a great manga is still present in this adaptation. It’s a very unique and well written battle shonen and it definitely is a good enough representation of Mizukami’s work. I’m really glad it happened and enjoyed watching it. I enjoyed reliving this wonderful series again. If you like the anime even a little I do suggest doing what you can to find the manga and see it at its best. Might be a fun read after seeing the final episode. And hey if you’re seeing this on Crunchyroll good news, CR actually has a digital version of the manga on their CR Manga reader. Yeah, remember that thing? Remember how they tried to break into manga at one point. That was a weird time. Anyways enjoy.

Macross Frontier: The False Songstress and Macross Frontier: The Wings of Farewell

I’ll show my age and say I watched fansubs of Macross Frontier all the way back when it originally aired on Japanese TV in 2012. It was an incredibly fun time to see a classic series return again and the production quality blew me away, I never seen CG used in an anime that well before, despite it being such a norm now, it was not the case in 2012, it often did not blend well with the flat 2D animation and looked awful, yet the CG dogfights in this show were incredible, almost movie quality like. Hell watching these movies in 2022 I am still impressed. And oh yeah, I watched these movies in 2022 holy shit!

For decades it seemed like the Macross franchise would be stuck in Japan only, I don’t think anyone ever saw this long feud ever coming to an end but it’s finally over. Blu-rays for Frontier, Seven, and so much more are on the horizon, and we even for the two Frontier films to show in theatres over here! Just simply wow. That alone made this special to me. 

Made in Abyss: Dawn of the Deep Soul (the movie) and Made in Abyss: The Golden City of the Scorching Sun (Season 2)

The first season of Made in Abyss was a breakout hit in 2017 and it was never a question of if there would be follow up content but when as sadly the manga is published irregularly. Finally in 2020 after nearly three years fans got Dawn of the Deep Soul, a movie continuation of the first season. I didn’t watch it back then, only seeing it now in 2022. It’s great. I’ll be brief since there’s a lot to cover but it is probably my favorite story arc in MiA now, and where the series really seems to be coming into its stride, if you ask me, someone who thought Season 1 was good but not that good. I’m really glad I finally sat down and watched this in preparation to seeing Season 2.

And without further ado, let’s talk Season 2. Also great. By this point creator Tsukushi seems to have a really good command of his series and is able to do a lot more interesting things with it. The Golden City of the Scorching Sun really presents something he simply could not have done earlier on in MiA and is maybe one of the most complex and well crafted narratives I watched this year. It definitely is the most thoroughly and well written arc of the entire series so far and the longest arc in the series. 

I personally think I do prefer the more simple and fun Dawn of the Deep Soul, to me that was simply incredible and had the best fight in MiA occur, but damn if both that film and this new season didn’t impress me equally.

My Dress-Up Darling

My Dress-Up Darling is an incredibly well animated and crafted show, easily the best romance anime of 2022 by a landslide and it’s a shame that while very popular when it aired it seemed to have been forgotten about now at the end of the year. The central relationship between the two leads is just so pure and healthy. Gojo helps Marin with her cosplay hobby and is the first person to not judge her for it. And she in return is one of the few people at their school to see the positive qualities that Gojo possesses. The two are good together and it’s also just refreshing that it’s the popular girl that ends up falling for the guy for once and not the other way around. The two are great together and it’s adorable seeing their supportive side, the season even ending with Gojo staying up all night talking to Marin on the phone to help her feel better is maybe the perfect way to end a season too.

My Isekai Life

Okay I legit only watched this show because it was on Hidive. Being a smaller service they promoted it pretty hard and even gave it a dub despite it seeming like a fairly basic show. I mean dude, look at that name, it even has Isekai right in the title! Like what the heck. But despite this being a very basic and overly simple isekai series, it’s incredibly well executed. I found myself enjoying it every week. I don’t know what to say, maybe I’m a simple man, but the story was never boring and out of nowhere there were fantastic spurts of insanely high quality animation. Why? For a series like this! I don’t know, but the overall package ended up being a nice little show that always delivered every week. I even found myself looking forward to it. Sometimes good things can be something you least expect.

ODDTAXI (dub)

ODDTAXI was a sleeper hit when it first aired back last year in 2021–why it took so long for the dub to happen, who knows, but 2022 finally gave us the English version of this series and that’s what finally got me to watch it. The unique art design is easily the first thing you will notice with the anthropomorphic characters despite this being a mature murder mystery, and it goes a long way to help give this very well written series even more of its own identity. I can definitely see why it was such a well reviewed series last year when it aired and it definitely has some great ideas towards the end.

Sadly talking about it is one of those things that is hard to do, as it will lead to spoilers, but the basic premise is our protagonist Odokawa, a taxi driver, picks up various strange clients, each with their own mystery, and as we follow their cab rides we learn more about the greater murder mystery behind the series at large. I highly recommend not sleeping on this series like a lot of others might have, you are missing out on one of the best who-done-its in anime in a long time.

Shadowverse Flame

Two years back the first Shadowverse anime aired and I called it one of the best animes of the year … for all the wrong reasons! It was a legit mess with an insane plot that flew off the rails and became incredibly dark for some reason. Like the apocalypse actually happens and everyone dies in the show a la Neon Genesis Evangelion, that is something that happens in Shadowverse, don’t ask me why. Despite the apocalypse killing everyone, kids gaining psychic powers and jumping off skyscrapers and not being hurt, and also some part where the cast dimension hopes to the world of Granblue Fantasy because Cygames, I guess, the series got a sequel. And it’s … really good … for the actual right reasons!

Yeah, I never saw this coming, Shadowverse Flame is actually a really competent well made card battle series. I’d even go so far as to say maybe the best card battle anime that aired in 2022. It has none of the insane nonsense that its predecessor did, and actually took the time to explain all the core mechanics of the card game and have dynamic and really well written card battles. The overall plot is fun, basically amounting to a mysterious transfer student Light Tenryu, joining a failed Shadowverse club on the verge of disbanding and resurrecting it. Everything is … good actually. Really who saw any of this coming??? 

If you like card battle anime, definitely check out Shadowverse Flame, it won’t disappoint, and it isn’t batshit insane so that’s cool too.

Shenmue the Animation

I had zero hope for this toonami original when it was first announced. After all a ton of the appeal to Shenmue was the relaxing play at your own pace sandbox style it helped to revolutionize. I wouldn’t say it was the first sandbox title, there are a few early PSOne and PC games that are very experimental  and essentially pioneered this genre, but Shenmue was one of the first big ones, and an inescapable part of the gaming landscape when it first came out. Sure it had a story, and a good one at that too, but the game play and insane attention to detail for the world it took place in is what it is most fondly remembered for.

But despite all that this series ended up pretty solid. Damn it honestly might be the best toonami original series yet, though that’s a pretty low bar. But the series is a pretty solid adaptation of the first Shenmue game, making some very smart decisions in reordering some events and abridging others, it’s overall a solid representation of the original game with the fights fully realized in a way the Dreamcast never could. The latter half of the series that covers Shenmue 2 is sadly a bit worstly paced however and it becomes obvious that the scope of that game was too much for the anime to fully handle, but it still ends in a satisfying manner. 

Hell I had so much fun it made me finally, after nearly 3 years, crack open that Shenmue 1 and 2 remaster I bought and replay the games alongside the anime as it aired! So yes, let me tell you as someone that experienced both actively at the same time, this was a solid version of the series.

Spy x Family

The best way to summarize this anime is cute and it makes me happy. Okay that probably isn't enough, sorry. Found family narratives always get to me though and Spy x Family is one of the better ones I’ve seen in anime over the recent years. The premise of a Spy father, Assassin mother, and psychic daughter all living secret lives but together as one family increasingly presents lots of potential for stories, and it’s a rock solid production. The animation is always strong every episode and the character interactions between the central trio always present a solid through line that keeps every episode consistent and fun. Overall a great series with tons of heart and some good laughs along the way too.

Trapped in a Dating Sim: The World of Otome Games Is Tough for Mobs

First of all Mob means NPC in Japanese. I just thought you should know that, because the anime doesn’t care to tell you, even the English dub which really should have if they wanted to use that Japanese term. And yes, if you’re like me congrats now you know why Mob is called Mob in Mob Psycho 100, his nickname is essentially Mr. NPC boy. 

I dunno if I would call this show mean spirited? It’s honestly very dark comedy based, maybe even meanly so, but it’s genuinely really fun and doesn’t seem hateful so who knows! The premise of some gamer boy being reborn into an Otomoe (female demographic dating sim) game as an NPC and abusing everything he knows to live the best life is already funny enough, but add that the game is also incredible shitty with bonkers writing, inconstant characters, and takes place in some nonsensical world, and it’s even better. Then there is also someone else in the series who appears to be doing the same but inserting herself into the main story of the game, taking the place of the heroine and wooing the bachelors within it, and how that changes the world is interesting. 

Basically Leon, is a huge a-hole and hates everyone and everything in this story, but is able to still come out on top over and over again because of his gamer knowledge and it never gets old.

Urusei Yatsura (2022)

I adore Rumiko Takahashi’s work. Real hot take, I know, after all who doesn’t like the work of one of the most beloved creators in the entire manga industry? But yeah ever since I was young and just getting into anime I always found myself watching her series and reading her works. 

For some people today a lot of her stuff might seem dated, maybe too predictable, too slow paced; afterall anime today is all about very fast paced and tightly controlled productions that get to the point right away, but for me I honestly prefer taking detours. I watch Boruto guys, enough said. So you won’t be getting much plot progression out of this newest iteration of her classic Urusei Yatsura, but you will be getting an incredibly well crafted and updated adaptation of a series that helped pioneer a lot of modern tropes still used today in anime and manga.

Plus this is just such a super chill series with some good laughs. I never fall out of my seat, it isn’t that kind of comedy, but I genuinely leave each episode with a smile on my face. 

Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-kun (Season 3)

Iruma-kun is easily one of the best long-running shonen series around today. Maybe that is an actual hot take, but I don’t care, I’ll fight you. It’s an incredible and well crafted world with very fun characters that all have great chemistry. Season 3 continues with maybe one of the longest arcs yet in the series and has been tons of fun seeing the Misfit Class take on the Harvest Festival. 

I love Iruma being paired with Lead as well in this arc, it’s a great combination of characters and not what you would expect but works so well. Honestly the two of them are kind of the most pathetic people in their class when you really think about it—and that’s why it’s fun seeing these idiots in way-over-their-heads while the rest of their class are genuinely really bad ass in this tournament arc.

I would be remiss to not mention the unfortunate and untimely passing of voice actor Billy Kametz as well, who used to play Asmodeus Alice in the series. Billy was an incredible talent and an actor I loved to listen to in anime; ever since his debut as Josuke in Diamond is Unbreakable I actively followed his roles. When he was cast as Az I thought it was perfect casting and he gave a wonderful performance in the first two seasons. It is a tragedy that he died so young and everyone that knew him seems to paint the man as a truly kind and caring individual. The current replacement for Az, Stephen Fu, is doing a fine job and gives a fairly convincing voice match to Billy, but I can only imagine it is an unenviable situation for Stephen, as he seems to increasingly be casted to fill these roles for Billy. 

Ya Boy Kongming

Ya Boy Kongming was maybe my biggest dark horse series of the year. It came out of nowhere and really wowed me. The premise of the great ancient Chinese war strategist dying and being reborn in modern times only to fall in love with pop music and using all his smarts to help promote a young hopeful singer fulfill her dreams is just so funny but played so incredibly straight and sincerely that it never feels like they are wasting your time. It’s surely a comedy, they definitely are having fun with the characters, but this is also equal parts a legitimate idol anime and a damn good one too. 

This was one of the first animes this year that really helped showcase to me Hidive’s incredible curation ability post AMC buyout. They are grabbing some incredibly high quality shows. They still can’t compete with Sony’s almost monopoly of the market, or Netflix’s raw power, but they were able to consistently pick a handful of high quality really great shows every season.

[dtba]

“WHAT DOES THE BLACK MAN SAY?” JORDAN ALLEN AND HIS DYNAMIC EXPLORATIONS THROUGH ART

December 12, 2020

Jordan Allen is an emerging, self-taught artist that is originally from St. Paul, Minnesota. Based in New York since 2017, Allen’s practice explores existential questions as a means of searching for his own truth and identity. His upbringing as the single male in a a single mother household, and his experiences as a Black man in America a have inspired him to create his own world influences by the feelings that form his worldly experiences.

Photographed by @dannycoleee

What is your reason for creating? 

My purpose for creating is to reach deeply within myself to see what I can pull out. Everyday I learn a little more about who I am and what I’m made of. I’m moved to build worlds. When I look outside my door it feels like I’m watching the collapse of civilization in real time. My response has always been to construct a place that allows me to live totally free of the constraints of society. We’re told who we’re supposed to be, and how we’re supposed to get there, but oftentimes that conflicts with our greater ambition. 

I believe that I was placed here to illustrate for people how realistic it is to believe in themselves. Not to be cliché, but anything is possible and I want to show people how true that is. 

I want little black kids to understand that they can overcome any barrier in life. Encouraging confidence will allow them to achieve their dreams just like my heroes did for me. 

What are some of your motifs? 

Ears are something that I definitely use heavily in my work. The bigger the better. I was the only boy in a household full of women. There were certain things that weren’t connecting with my mother and sisters. I would  go off into my own world in my bedroom and sit at my computer and look for music on blogs, research different artists, and try to figure out how to build a time machine. Although the thoughts in my head couldn’t be fully understood by my family, I did feel supported by them. In that any supplies, materials, or request for an audience I needed to test out my ideas, they did whatever they could to assist me. Then I would go back to my room and continue building. The ears started out as me wanting to be heard by anyone that was willing to listen to me, but as I developed as an artist I realized that I was also telling myself to listen to myself. Oftentimes I find that I second guess my gut feeling, and the ears are a reminder for me to continue going with my gut. It hasn’t let me down so far. 

Jordan Allen

Name a few of the artists that inspire you.

I admire Charles White and his work because he was a master at depicting black people beautifully. There’s so much emotion and strength in his artworks that leave me wanting to add as much feeling as possible into what I’m doing. Jean-Michel Basquiat showed me how to be fearless in other areas of my life. Accepting who I am and unapologetically leaning into who I am as a person, and creator. He taught me that barriers only exist if you let them. 

I’ve been really inspired by René Margritte. I’m interested in world building and how his work challenges people to look closer at the world around them. I definitely pull inspiration from Pablo Picasso. He was dynamic in his exploration of the possibilities of what art can look and feel like. He opened all the doors.

Jordan Allen

What do you aim to represent in your work?

For the longest time I was trying to figure out where my niche was and then one day I woke up and realized that I shouldn’t be trying to represent anyone but myself. If I can inspire people to see that anything is possible, then that’s amazing, but I’m trying to prove to 10 year old Jordan that he was right, even way back then. I do believe that there are tons of people who feel misunderstood, and if there’s anything that I can say it’s that being misunderstood is a super power. Use whatever it is that makes you different to your advantage. It’s a beautiful thing to not be like everyone else. It’s even more beautiful to believe in something when not everyone gets it right away. My work is so imaginary because I believe that if you can think it, you can achieve it. 

The work that I create is centered around the freedom that is inside all of us, especially those of use who are Black. Society attempts to mold us with its expectations. My artwork aims to  directly confront the expectations placed on us through a dialogue on personal development

Jordan Allen

What inspiration did you receive during the quarantine period?

I was inspired by so many things. I’ve mainly been inspired by the idea of breaking down and taking the shattered parts and re-assembling them into something new. The quarantine revealed the causes for assorted breakdowns: mental, physical, and spiritual. I realized my greatest breakthroughs followed each breakdown, which is what my most recent series explores. Pushing through self doubt and quieting the outside noise; I was able to hear how to put myself back together again when it felt like things were falling apart. The goal of the new work is to take what I found and share that with anyone who wants to listen. This time helped to understand that healing first occurs internally, and when that happens we can collectively help each other more effectively. Paying attention to the little things can lead to large discoveries, we just have to be present to receive the information. Each day brings the possibility of new life and it’s up to us to decide to approach the opportunity fearlessly. 

Jordan Allen

What are you planning for the future?

As soon as the world can regain its footing to find its equilibrium I’m planning to do the biggest show to date. I miss human interaction, and witnessing the work’s affect on people in person. I can’t wait to have conversations with everyone and I love the suspense leading up to a show. I’ve also been working on exploring the possibilities of creative direction and making functional sculptures. I really believe in making art that serves a purpose in daily life. I want to bring the world inside of my mind into reality. I’ve been designing a lot of clothing lately as well. I have so much to share when the time is right. I’m trying to push myself to affect every visual field.

Photographed by @dannycoleee

To connect with Jordan Allen you can follow him on Instagram and support his art business!

Credits:

Interview conducted by Shirley Reynozo

[chadxroyalx]

Pride Rose

Hey guys! I tried to follow the tutorial of AustinMaples https://www.deviantart.com/austinmaples to draw a simple Rose https://www.deviantart.com/Tutorial-Draw-a-Rose-with-AustinMaples-905646163 . So here is my try and since it’s pride month, a “pride rose” here for you guys. Flags seen: Gay Trans Nonbinary Demisexual But there’s something else I need to get off my chest. You can just skip this part if you don’t like to read and/or if you’re not interested. I haven’t been feeling/doing so well lately. Life has thrown so many shitty things at me that it has become very hard to deal with. I can’t even draw properly anymore (I have been stuck on page 43 of the comic for almost a week now). For one is the issue with one of my sisters. As some of you may know I am the youngest of three. I have two older sisters. And my second-oldest sister has always been a uh… troubled child. Long story short she has been diagnosed with schizophrenia about 10 years ago and has been in and out of psychosis and mental hospitals over the decade. Now she had another heavy relapse in February this year and was in a mental hospital for 99 days until she begged the hospital enough to leave. And since she’s out life for me and my family has been nothing short of a nightmare almost every day. She hasn’t recovered from the psychosis she had in February and since she’s out of the hospital we (untrained people) had to deal with that. Now my relationship to my second-oldest sister (or let’s call her “fullblood” sister since my oldest sister is my half-sister) has never been very good. But now… I really hate to admit it, but I feel nothing for her. Well… at least nothing positive. When she’s in a psychosis she’s always afraid of me (none of us have figured out why) and blames me for everything she does and experiences. I hate it when she’s here all the time and it’s so frustrating and emotionally exhausting to have to deal with her. My mother and her are the only ones who don’t want to re-admit her to a mental hospital. No one understands their reasons… Yeah… that’s one part, maybe some of you guys have similar issues with relatives? Then the second issue has reached its worst peak this Wednesday. Now just as a side information: our family owns two horses and here in Switzerland it’s normal to have your horses in a “livery stable” (if that’s a word) so the stable doesn’t belong to us, our horses just “live there for a rent”. Now back in 2020 we switched to a new stable and guys… I have met many, many, MANY horrible human beings in my life so far but the owners of THIS stable are by FAR the worst. Back in April 2020 it didn’t take long for these two awful human beings to make life for us and our horses a living nightmare. Insulting both of our horses constantly because THEY were unable to handle them properly (our horses are the nicest and sweetest souls to anyone who returns their kindness so if they do not behave when you’re handling them, YOU’RE the problem). Anyhow… about two months in and they already threatened us to kick us out, because apparently, we were doing everything wrong (even though we followed every stupid rule they have and behaved accordingly). So… three awful years passed. We never complained, just did our thing, and try to stay away from the owner and his wife (but always getting insulted and all that stuff)(I try to keep this as short as possible). Now our gelding (Royal, 26 years old) always had bad teeth. So he can’t properly eat the hay anymore which is one main food source stable-owners have to provide according to the law. The stable-owner retired back in fall and gave the ownership to his son (but of course that awful couple remained, still living at the stables and helping out). We thought “okay, maybe his son is not as bad as him”. Well… turns out he’s just as awful as his father. My mother had a phone call about three weeks ago with him regarding Royal not being able to eat hay properly anymore and needing an alternative. We’ve been feeding him that alternative from our own pockets (mind we have issues with money as well as many people do) so far and just wanted to reason with the new owner if he could maybe provide that food for our horse or at least feed him the alternative. But all he did during the phone call was repeat what his idiot of a father was shouting in the background and insulting my mother and our horses again. Fast forward three weeks my father stepped in and arranged a meeting with the new owner (and the old as well but he didn’t show up) to talk about this issue. So my mother, my father and myself went there at Wednesday evening and the FIRST thing this asshole said is that he’s kicking us out and we need to be gone from the stables by end of the month. Reason for this is (according to him) that my mother threatened him during the phone call, saying that she said she’d go around and tell everyone that he mistreats and starves the horses. Of course, my mother denied this as it wasn’t true (two other people were in the same room listening while she was talking on the phone that they so they can confirm it). But the new owner just said “that’s what I heard and I even recorded it and you need to stop calling me late at night”. My father quickly stepped in and said “Okay well then show us that recording. And show us when she called you because she never called you late at night”. You know what the owners answer was? “I can’t show you, you can’t trace phone calls that far back (so basically three weeks). à Which is complete bullshit. You can trace EVERY phone call on your smart phone back up to three years easily. Oh and he also accused me of never greeting him or his idiotic family when at the stables (which probably may have happened 1 time when I had a bad day or wasn’t talking loud enough)… Oh dear… This has gotten long and it’s still the short version of the whole situation… I’m sorry you guys. I usually don’t vent online but I really, really needed to get this off my chest. I just can’t handle the frustration, sadness and anger any longer from all the injustice we had to live through the last few days… I’m also sorry if it’s written in a confusing way… my thoughts and heart are racing all day and night long… ☹ I hope you still like the pic and hopefully have some better days… Of course, if you like, leave some advice… Love Chad

https://www.deviantart.com/xchadxroyal/art/Pride-Rose-966539175

[reanimatedcourier]

How to Write Indigenous Characters Without Looking like a Jackass:

Update as of December 26th, 2020: I have added a couple new sections about naming and legal terms, as well as a bit of reading on the Cherokee Princess phenomenon.

Boozhoo (hello) Fallout fandom! I'm a card-carrying Anishinaabe delivering this rough guide about writing Indigenous characters because wow, do I see a lot of shit.

Let's get something out of the way first: Fallout's portrayal of Indigenous people is racist. From a vague definition of "tribal" to the claims of them being "savage" and "uncivilized" mirror real-world stereotypes used to dehumanize us. Fallout New Vegas' narrated intro has Ron Perlman saying Mr. House "rehabilitated" tribals to create New Vegas' Three Families. You know. Rehabilitate. As if we are animals. Top it off with an erasure of Indigenous people in the American Southwest and no real tribe names, and you've got some pretty shitty representation. The absence of Native American as a race option in the GECK isn't too great, given that two Native characters are marked "Caucasian" despite being brown. Butch Deloria is a pretty well-known example of this effect. (Addendum: Indigenous people can have any mix of dominant and recessive traits, as well as present different phenotypes. What bothers me is it doesn't accommodate us or mixed people, which is another post entirely.)

As a precautionary warning: this post and the sources linked will discuss racism and genocide. There will also be discussion of multiple kinds of abuse.

Now, your best approach will be to pick a nation or tribe and research them. However, what follows will be general references.

Terms that may come up in your research include Aboriginal/Native Canadian, American Indian/Native American, Inuit, Métis, and Mestizo. The latter two refer to cultural groups created after the discovery of the so-called New World. (Addendum made September 5th, 2020: Mestizo has negative connotations and originally meant "half breed" so stick with referring to your mixed Latine and Indigenous characters as mixed Indigenous or simply by the name of their people [Maya, Nahua].)

As a note, not every mixed person is Métis or Mestizo. If you are, say, Serbian and Anishinaabe, you would be mixed, but not Métis (the big M is important here, as it refers to a specific culture). Even the most liberal definition caps off at French and British ancestry alongside Indigenous (some say Scottish and English). Mestizo works the same, since it refers to descendants of Spanish conquistadors/settlers and Indigenous people.

Trouble figuring out whose land is where? No problem, check out this map.

Drawing

Don't draw us with red skin. It's offensive and stereotypical.

Tutorial for Native Skintones

Tutorial for Mixed Native Skintones

Why Many Natives Have Long Hair (this would technically fit better under another category, but give your Native men long hair!)

If You're Including Traditional Wear, Research! It's Out There

Languages

Remember, there are a variety of languages spoken by Indigenous people today. No two tribes will speak the same language, though there are some that are close and may have loan words from each other (Cree and Anishinaabemowin come to mind). Make sure your Diné (you may know them as Navajo) character doesn't start dropping Cree words.

Here's a Site With a Map and Voice Clips

Here's an Extensive List of Amerindian Languages

Keep in mind there are some sounds that have no direct English equivalents. But while we're at it, remember a lot of us speak English, French, Spanish, or Portuguese. The languages of the countries that colonized us.

Words in Amerindian languages tend to be longer than English ones and are in the format of prefix + verb + suffix to get concepts across. Gaawiin miskwaasinoon is a complete sentence in Anishinaabemowin, for example (it is not red).

Names

Surprisingly, we don't have names like Passing Dawn or Two-Bears-High-Fiving in real life. A lot of us have, for lack of better phrasing, white people names. We may have family traditions of passing a name down from generation to generation (I am the fourth person in my maternal line to have my middle name), but not everyone is going to do that. If you do opt for a name from a specific tribe, make sure you haven't chosen a last name from another tribe.

Baby name sites aren't reliable, because most of the names on there will be made up by people who aren't Indigenous. That site does list some notable exceptions and debunks misconceptions.

Here's a list of last names from the American census.

Indian Names

You may also hear "spirit names" because that's what they are for. You know the sort of mystical nature-related name getting slapped on an Indigenous character? Let's dive into that for a moment.

The concept of a spirit name seems to have gotten mistranslated at some point in time. It is the name Creator calls you throughout all your time both here and in the spirit world. These names are given (note the word usage) to you in a ceremony performed by an elder. This is not done lightly.

A lot of imitations of this end up sounding strange because they don't follow traditional guidelines. (I realize this has spread out of the original circle, but Fallout fans may recall other characters in Honest Hearts and mods that do this. They have really weird and racist results.)

If you're not Indigenous: don't try this. You will be wrong.

Legal Terms

Now, sometimes the legal term (or terms) for a tribe may not be what they refer to themselves as. A really great example of this would be the Oceti Sakowin and "Sioux". How did that happen, you might be wondering. Smoky Mountain News has an article about this word and others, including the history of these terms.

For the most accurate information, you are best off having your character refer to themselves by the name their nation uses outside of legislation. A band name would be pretty good for this (Oglala Lakota, for example). I personally refer to myself by my band.

Cowboys

And something the Fallout New Vegas fans might be interested in, cowboys! Here's a link to a post with several books about Black and Indigenous cowboys in the Wild West.

Representation: Stereotypes and Critical Thought

Now, you'll need to think critically about why you want to write your Indigenous character a certain way. Here is a comprehensive post about stereotypes versus nuance.

Familiarize yourself with tropes. The Magical Indian is a pretty prominent one, with lots of shaman-type characters in movies and television shows. This post touches on its sister tropes (The Magical Asian and The Magical Negro), but is primarily about the latter.

Say you want to write an Indigenous woman. Awesome! Characters I love to see. Just make sure you're aware of the stereotypes surrounding her and other Women of Color.

Word to the wise: do not make your Indigenous character an alcoholic. "What, so they can't even drink?" You might be asking. That is not what I'm saying. There is a pervasive stereotype about Drunk Indians, painting a reaction to trauma as an inherent genetic failing, as stated in this piece about Indigenous social worker Jessica Elm's research. The same goes for drugs. Ellen Deloria is an example of this stereotype.

Familiarize yourself with and avoid the Noble Savage trope. This was used to dehumanize us and paint us as "childlike" for the sake of a plot device. It unfortunately persists today.

Casinos are one of the few ways for tribes to make money so they can build homes and maintain roads. However, some are planning on diversifying into other business ventures.

There's a stereotype where we all live off government handouts. Buddy, some of these long-term boil water advisories have been in place for over twenty years. The funding allocated to us as a percentage is 0.39%: less than half a percent to fight the coronavirus. They don't give us money.

"But what about people claiming to be descended from a Cherokee princess?" Cherokee don't and never had anything resembling princesses. White southerners made that up prior to the Civil War. As the article mentions, they fancied themselves "defending their lands as the Indians did".

Also, don't make your Indigenous character a cannibal. Cannibalism is a serious taboo in a lot of our cultures, particularly northern ones.

Our lands are not cursed. We don't have a litany of curses to cast on white people in found footage films. Seriously. We have better things to be doing. Why on earth would our ancestors be haunting you when they could be with their families? Very egotistical assumption.

Indigenous Ties and Blood Quantum

Blood quantum is a colonial system that was initially designed to "breed out the Indian" in people. To dilute our bloodlines until we assimilated properly into white society. NPR has an article on it here.

However, this isn't how a vast majority of us define our identities. What makes us Indigenous is our connections (or reconnection) to our families, tribes, bands, clans, and communities.

Blood quantum has also historically been used to exclude Black Natives from tribal enrollment, given that it was first based on appearance. So, if you looked Black and not the image of "Indian" the white census taker had in his brain, you were excluded and so were your descendants.

Here are two tumblrs that talk about Black Indigenous issues and their perspectives. They also talk about Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people of Australia.

However, if you aren't Indigenous, don't bring up blood quantum. Don't. This is an issue you should not be speaking about.

Cherokee Princess Myth

"Princess" was not a real position in any tribe. The European idea of monarchy did not suddenly manifest somewhere else. The closest probable approximation may have been the daughter of a chief or other politically prominent person. But princess? No.

Here is an article talking about possible origins of this myth. Several things are of note here: women from other tribes may have bee shoved under this label and the idea of a "Cherokee Princess" had been brought up to explain the sudden appearance of a brown-skinned (read: half Black) family member.

For a somewhat more in depth discussion of why, specifically, this myth gets touted around so often, Timeline has this piece.

Religion

Our religions are closed. We are not going to tell you how we worship. Mostly because every little bit we choose to share gets appropriated. Smudging is the most recent example. If you aren't Indigenous, that's smoke cleansing. Smudging is done in a specific way with ceremonies and prayers.

Now, a lot of us were forcibly converted. Every residential school was run by Christians. So plenty of us are Catholic, Baptist, Anglican, Lutheran, etc. Catholicism in Latin America also has influence from the Indigenous religions in that region.

Having your Indigenous character pray or carry rosaries wouldn't be a bad thing, if that religion was important to them. Even if they are atheist, if they lived outside of a reserve or other Indigenous communities, they might have Christian influences due to its domination of the Western world.

Settler Colonialism and the White Savior Trope

Now we've come to our most painful section yet. Fallout unintentionally has an excellent agent of settler-colonialism, in particular the Western Christian European variety, in Caesar's Legion and Joshua Graham.

(Addendum: Honest Hearts is extremely offensive in its portrayal of Indigenous people, and egregiously shows a white man needing to "civilize" tribals and having to teach them basic skills. These skills include cooking, finding safe water, and defending themselves from other tribes.)

Before we dive in, here is a post explaining the concept of cultural Christianity, if you are unfamiliar with it.

We also need to familiarize ourselves with The White Man's Burden. While the poem was written regarding the American-Philippine war, it still captures the attitudes toward Indigenous folks all over the world at the time.

As this article in Teen Vogue points out, white people like to believe they need to save People of Color. You don't need to. People of Color can save themselves.

Now, cultural Christianity isn't alone on this side of the pond. Writer Teju Cole authored a piece on the White Savior Industrial Complex to describe mission trips undertaken by white missionaries to Africa to feed their egos.

Colonialism has always been about the acquisition of wealth. To share a quote from this paper about the ongoing genocide of Indigenous peoples: "Negatively, [settler colonialism] strives for the dissolution of native societies. Positively, it erects a new colonial society on the expropriated land base—as I put it, settler colonizers come to stay: invasion is a structure not an event. In its positive aspect, elimination is an organizing principal of settler-colonial society rather than a one-off (and superseded) occurrence. The positive outcomes of the logic of elimination can include officially encouraged miscegenation, the breaking-down of native title into alienable individual freeholds, native citizenship, child abduction, religious conversion, resocialization in total institutions such as missions or boarding schools, and a whole range of cognate biocultural assimilations. All these strategies, including frontier homicide, are characteristic of settler colonialism. Some of them are more controversial in genocide studies than others." (Positive, here, is referring to "benefits" for the colonizers. Indigenous people don't consider colonization beneficial.)

An example of a non-benefit, the Church Rock disaster had Diné children playing in radioactive water so the company involved could avoid bad publicity.

Moving on, don't sterilize your Indigenous people. Sterilization, particularly when it is done without consent, has long been used as a tool by the white system to prevent "undesirables" (read, People of Color and disabled people) from having children. Somehow, as of 2018, it wasn't officially considered a crime.

The goal of colonization was to eliminate us entirely. Millions died because of exposure to European diseases. Settlers used to and still do separate our children from us for reasons so small as having a dirty dish in the sink. You read that right, a single dirty dish in your kitchen sink was enough to get your children taken and adopted out to white families. This information was told to me by an Indigenous social work student whose name I will keep anonymous.

It wasn't until recently they made amendments to the Indian Act that wouldn't automatically render Indigenous women non-status if they married someone not Indigenous. It also took much too long for Indigenous families to take priority in child placement over white ones. Canada used to adopt Indigenous out to white American families. The source for that statement is further down, but adoption has been used as a tool to destroy cultures.

I am also begging you to cast aside whatever colonialist systems have told you about us. We are alive. People with a past, not people of the past, which was wonderfully said here by Frank Waln.

Topics to Avoid if You Aren't Indigenous

Child Separation. Just don't. We deserve to remain with our families and our communities. Let us stay together and be happy that way.

Assimilation schools. Do not bring up a tool for cultural genocide that has left lasting trauma in our communities.

W/ndigos. I don't care that they're in Fallout 76. They shouldn't be. Besides, you never get them right anyway.

Sk/nwalkers. Absolutely do not. Diné stories are not your playthings either.

I've already talked about drugs and alcohol. Do your research with compassion and empathy in mind. Indigenous people have a lot of pain and generational trauma. You will need to be extremely careful having your Indigenous characters use drugs and alcohol. If your character can be reduced to their (possible) substance abuse issues, you need to step back and rework it. As mentioned in Jessica Elm's research, remember that it isn't inherent to us.

For our final note: remember that we're complex, autonomous human beings. Don't use our deaths to further the stories of your white characters. Don't reduce us to some childlike thing that needs to be raised and civilized by white characters. We interact with society a little differently than you do, but we interact nonetheless.

Meegwetch (thank you) for reading! Remember to do your research and portray us well, but also back off when you are told by an Indigenous person.

This may be updated in the future, it depends on what information I come across or, if other Indigenous people are so inclined, what is added to this post.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Waiting for you - Harry Styles

❄️ FANFICmas 2020 ❄️

Read more about FANFICmas here!

i wrote it over like a month ago, but kept it for today, i hope yall will like it! it’s a cute bestfriends to lovers fic, so yeah... happy holidays, hope you are having an amazing time!

word count: 13k

masterlist

Harry Styles has been a household name around your home, but not for the reason many would think. While for the rest of the world he was the famous singer, former member of One Direction and recent solo artist, the guy who performs at the biggest arenas, wins awards and sings his heart out through the radio, for you and your mom he was the goofy, curly haired boy who lived across the street with his mum, sister and stepdad.

You still remember all too clear the first time you met him. You and your mum just moved into your new home after the nasty divorce of your parents, ready to start a new life. You’ve barely turned twelve, it was quite the awkward stage of your teenage years, you were still trying to find yourself on the rocky road of growing up. Moving to a whole new town and switching schools were terrifying and you had quite a few nightmares about possible outcomes of being the new girl in the neighborhood.

You and your mum just finished unpacking the dishes in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. She rushed to answer it and you wandered behind her, curiously peeking at the guests under her arm as she held the door open.

“Hi! We saw the trucks and thought we would say hi! I’m Anne and this is my son, Harry,” the nice woman greeted your mum and stepping aside she gestured towards the teenage boy standing next to her.

His green eyes fell to you almost immediately and you forgot to breathe for a moment. You were not the kind to crush that easily on guys, well, not until you laid your eyes on Harry. He smirked at you, nodding in your way in such an easy-going manner and you could feel the heat crawling up your neck to your cheeks and ears.

Anne and your mum quickly became good friends. She was the rock your mum definitely needed after such a bad year behind her and you were glad she found support in such a wonderful woman as Anne. Their newly funded friendship got stronger day by day until the two families just… simply felt one.

Growing up the Styles siblings and Anne came and go in your home as if they lived there too. On many occasions you came home from school only to find Anne in the kitchen while your mother wasn’t even home. Anne always knew when your mum was working the night shift at the hospital where she was a nurse and always made sure you had a warm dinner on those evenings, often inviting you over to just stay at theirs while your mum was away working. Birthdays, graduations, Easters and Christmases, they were all spent at either yours or at the Styles home, strengthening the bond between the two families.

You have always had a strong friendship with Gemma, but maybe because you were closer in age or for something else, but you became the closest with Harry. Two peas in a pod, as your mums liked to call the two of you. You weren’t just neighbors or good friends, it was clear to anyone and to both of you as well that you were the best of friends. You were there for each other at the best and worst of times, before and after Harry’s launch to stardom. You were there with him all along, sometimes physically, sometimes just through text messages and reassuring calls when he just needed a piece of his home away from home. Late night calls and talks were your usual when he was on the road and he made sure to only talk about his life after you’ve told him everything about yours, even if the most interesting thing was that you were able to buy three socks for the price of two. Harry listened and cared for everything that happened to you, not letting you think even for a moment that he would forget about his best friend when he is on the other side of the planet.

The two of you grew up together and while his life consisted of concerts, screaming fans, telly appearances and award shows, your mundane everydays went on the same was as any normal young girl’s: you graduated from high school, went to uni and then started a career for yourself. As time was moving it became a little more and more complicated to stay as close as you used to, though, both of you terribly busy with your own personal lives, so the calls, texts and meetings became less frequent, but you were always able to pick up from where you left, it was as easy with him as it could be.

Maybe that’s why you grew to love him in a more than friendly way through the years. Slowly, but surely you started to realize what an amazing man he really was –is. It was impossible not to fall for him, however you valued your close friendship more than to just ruin it with dropping a bomb on Harry. You always thought he doesn’t feel the same way, so you were sadly left with your daydreams and fantasies about him only your bedroom walls heard.

This year it’s gonna be the tenth Christmas you get to celebrate together, quite the anniversary. There were only two years when you didn’t see each other during the holidays, the first one because you and your mum spent it in Canada with some relatives that live there, and the second one was because Harry couldn’t come home a few years ago, having a too tight schedule. But this year, everyone made sure to make it back home in time. Harry called you three month before Christmas to check in if you are still gonna coming home.

“Would be an idiot not to. Can’t wait to stuff my head with cookies!” you chuckled.

“Have you found your sweater yet?” Harry questioned, the muffled noise of the traffic around him broke through the line as he was on his way home when he called.

“Not yet. But I’ve been looking. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna win this year,” you smirked in victory.

“Oh, not so fast with the assumptions, little girl!” he warned you making you laugh.

The two of you had a kind of tradition. Every year, you go on mission to find the ugliest Christmas sweaters one could find, and then perform a chosen song at the karaoke machine after dinner, entertaining the rest of the family. Those performances are the best memories you nurse. Your absolute favorite one was just a couple of years ago when Harry’s sweater was filled with weird looking reindeers in quite inappropriate poses, he even added a glittery pair of sunnies and he sang I Want To Break Free from the Queen. Everyone was on the floor laughing as he took the living room by storm as if it was the Maddison Square Garden filled with thousands of screaming fans, while it was just the five of you.

He won that year, Hell, even you voted on him, giving him the cleanest win of all times, but you swore to live up to that performance and you really feel like this year is gonna be your chance to live up to that promise. You have quite some tricks up your sleeves.

These past couple of years you were anxiously waiting for the holidays to roll around, because you knew you would get to spend so much time with Harry and through the year, even with several occasions of the two of you meeting, you missed him dearly. Sometimes you selfishly wished he would have just stayed the boy across the street so your lives could take tracks that run at least close to each other, but you always reminded yourself that his work was his life and you would have never taken away his true passion and happiness. Besides, you love watching him perform from time to time, that was just one of your favorite sides of him, see his eyes shine so bright as he sang to his fans. You used to envy the fangirls, it always seemed like he had a special connection with them, but you realized that you were one of them. You felt the same excitement when he stepped on the stage, you bought all his albums, even though he made sure you’d be one of the first people to get your hands on it. You had a second copy of them, because buying it gave you the extra jolt of happiness and the feeling that you were a tiny part of his success too. You watched all his music videos, knew the lyrics to his songs and cheered on him whenever he won another award. Difference was that at the end of the day you could call him and tell him how proud you were of him and he stared back at you with that beautiful grin, his dimples digging deep in his cheeks, telling you that he wouldn’t be here without you. You always knew he just said it to make you feel special, but he insisted it was the truth.

“I’m telling you. It you weren’t with me I would have gone crazy already, pulling a Justin Bieber or summat. Don’t think you are any less than what you are, that’s just daft.”

Every time he said something along those lines those damned butterflies in your stomach went crazy and you tried your best to ignore them. You didn’t always succeed, but the effort was there.

 Now it’s two days before Christmas and you are already standing in your old room after coming home from London, leaving your small but cozy little apartment empty until the next year. The walls are still the same lilac color you chose when you were fourteen, a twin bed is pushed against the wall under your window, the wardrobe’s door is littered with old pictures from high school and ones you cut out from magazines. You just never got around to take them down and after a while it brought you a comforting sense every time you came home. A warm nostalgia took over you when you saw them, so they eventually stayed.

Your suitcase is lying on the floor as you unpack some stuff you’ll be using often during your stay, but you don’t get far in the packing when you hear an all too familiar voice coming from downstairs. Leaving your stuff as it is you rush down and throw your arms around Anne from behind, who is standing in the kitchen with your mum.

“My sweet angel! How are you?!” she cheers turning around in your hold to hug you back, giving you a tight squeeze before she pushes you away so she can have a good look on you. “Swear you get prettier every time I see you!”

“Stop it, my head’s gonna get big,” you chuckle feeling yourself blushing a little.

“Never gonna stop praising my daughter,” she smiles and gifts you with a cheeky wink.

Anne was never shy to let you know that she thought of you as a second daughter and you still remember how it felt when she called you that for the first time. It felt nice to know that you could count on her no matter what.

The three of you chat in the kitchen, Anne asks you about your job and how things have been going, she hasn’t seen you in a while. You missed the times when you could just go across the street and have a talk with her whenever you wanted, but since you’ve moved to London, Harry wasn’t the only one you didn’t get to see as often as you would have wanted. Your job and life overall got you so busy sometimes, you barely had time to call your own mum.

“Harry is arriving this evening. Wanna come with us to fetch him up at the airport?” she asks you and of course you say yes. You wouldn’t miss the chance to greet him with a bone crushing hug just after he lands.

However, as the time nears when you’d have to leave to the airport, Anne calls you up and asks if you could go on your own.

“I didn’t finish cooking and Gems is in an online meeting. Would you mind if you went alone?” she asks and though it sounds a little made up, you don’t question her.

On your way to the airport you are nervously drumming on the wheel, the thought of seeing Harry excites and worries you a little. It’s been months since you last seen him in the flesh and though you’ve talked plenty of times on the phone and in video calls, it’s just not the same. You find yourself wondering if he still smells the same, if you’ll fit the same way into his embrace as before. When you were younger you often liked to think about the two of you as two pieces of legos when you hugged. Your frame just fitted so perfectly against his body, he was your absolutely favorite person to hug.

Standing in a corner at the terminal, you keep checking the board until his flight’s status changes to landed. Then your eyes are glued to the sliding glass doors, knowing well it’s gonna take him some time to get his bags and walk out, but you are just way too excited to finally see him again.

People start walking through the doors and your head perks up every time you see a slightly tall frame, only to realize it’s still not him. Until it is.

You can’t bite your growing smile back when you spot him, a beanie and the hood of his hoodie covering his mop of hair, sunnies hiding his eyes, but you’d recognize him even from just the tiniest detail. You push yourself away from the wall as you see him look around, probably searching for his mum and sister, because he was already on his way when Anne decided it’s gonna be you who fetches him up, so he doesn’t know about the change.

“Excuse me, can I get a picture?” you ask teasingly walking up to him and for a moment you can tell he believes it’s a fan who recognized him, but his face quickly changes once his eyes land on you.

“Fo’ fuck’s sake, you had me for a second,” he breathes out, his arms already reaching out to pull you against him and you gladly envelop yourself into his hold. “What are you doing here?” he mumbles tightening his arms around you, and you don’t mind it. As you face is pressed into his shoulder you smile when you realize that he still smells the same. Like home.

“Your mum asked me to come and get you because she didn’t finish cooking. But if you ask me she just wanted to surprise you with me. You happy to see me?” you smirk up at him letting your head fall back so you could look into his eyes.

“Always,” he grins before placing a soft kiss to your temple and letting go of you.

The two of you leave the terminal before anyone could recognize him and packing his stuff up into the car you head back home.

You hand your phone over to him once you hit the road so he can be in charge of the music and it’s no surprise when he starts playing Christmas music straight away. Grinning to yourself you glance over at him and see him scrolling through your camera roll like the nosy little gremlin that he is.

“Hey! I did not give you permission to snoop around my phone!” you warn him, but don’t try to snatch it away from him, there’s really nothing he shouldn’t see, besides, half of those pics have been sent to him through messages.

“Just tryna catch up w’ you,” he mumbles under his breath, continuously opening up photos he is interested in. “New couch, eh?” he asks showing you the screen for a second.

“Yeah, bought it a few weeks ago. You like it?”

“Looks comfy. I should try it out sometime.”

“You never sleep on my couch, what are you talking about?”

“Right, you always drag me t’ your bed,” he snorts and you gasp at him, smacking his chest gently.

“That’s so not true! You always just arbitrarily make yourself comfortable in my bed and I don’t have the heart to kick you out,” you correct him.

There hasn’t been many times when Harry crashed at your place, but when he did, he always slept in your bed with you, and the two of you have shared a bed a few other times prior too. It’s nothing new, though it does have a deeper meaning for you than for him, you think. Waking up with Harry snoring lightly next to you, admiring how peaceful and beautiful he is in this intimate state, you just wish you could see him like this all the time.

Harry smirks at you cheekily, scrunching his nose as he chuckles.

“’Cause I wouldn’t want to sleep anywhere else, Love,” he says before turning his attention back to your phone while you try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach at the nickname.

It’s quite late by the time you get home, you’ve run into some traffic, but it just meant more time with Harry. You gladly listened to his stories and you are happy you got some alone time with him. Parking up to your driveway you help him unload his bags before locking the car.

“Wanna go to the Christmas market in the morning? Promised Gemma I’d go with her and Michal,” he asks, slowly walking down the driveway towards his home.

“Uh, sure,” you nod smiling. Not that you had any other plans, the holidays are reserved for family and the Styles’ are family.

“Great, I’ll be here at ten. And thanks for the ride,” he smirks waving goodbye and you watch him cross the street before he disappears in his home and you do the same.

“Y/N? Is that you?” your mum calls out when you walk in.

“Were you expecting anyone else?” you ask, hanging your coat before you join her in the living room.

“Not,” she smiles giddily. “Was everything alright at the airport?”

You throw your legs over her lap and she squeezes your ankles playfully.

“Yeah, everything fine.”

“How is Harry?”

“Cheeky and smug, as always,” you huff smirking.

“Can’t wait to see him. I feel like I haven’t seen ‘im in ages.”

“When are they coming over tomorrow?”

“Anne said she’ll come around four to help me cook, the rest I don’t know. Dinner will be done around seven though.”

“I’m pretty sure Gemma and Harry will be here along with Anne,” you snort, knowing well they wouldn’t miss a chance to come over, especially Harry. He has been talking nonstop how he’ll be glued to your hip once he is back home, making up for all the time you’ve spent apart.

“They surely will,” your mum chuckles before you both turn your attention at the telly.

You go to bed way after midnight and finish up the packing you left abruptly when you left to get Harry. Shuffling around in your room you glance out the window and see that the light in Harry’s room is on too. Peeking out you lean against the window’s frame, thinking about the times when the two of you sat in the window, talking on the phone after curfew, keeping your voice down so your parents didn’t wake up, sharing secrets and your silliest thoughts. With Harry, you never felt like you had to keep anything back, he would have never judged you for anything, you could be your true self around him and vice versa.

A tall figure appears at the window and as Harry glances out his window he is quick to see you sitting on the window sill, your head resting against the frame. The two houses are not far away from each other and you see him grinning as he sits at the window as well, pulling out his phone, a moment later yours starts buzzing on the nightstand. You quickly grab it, and go back to the window.

“Creeping on me, eh?” he hums into the phone and you roll your eyes at him.

“Was just admiring the street lights, don’t flatter yourself, your head is getting too big,” you huff, but you can’t push your smirk down.

“Admit it, you were hoping to see me roam around naked, weren’t you?”

“As if I haven’t seen you like that before,” you snort making him laugh too. It’s true, Harry has never been shy to get rid of his clothes and he also doesn’t bother to draw the blinds whenever he is changing. You once saw him butt naked when he was nineteen, and when you told him to close the blinds next time he is changing, he just shrugged with a smug smile.

“’M not ashamed of anything, Love,” he told you and you had to turn away because you were blushing for sure.

“Right, you’re a fan of putting yourself on full display when you’re naked, almost forgot,” you chuckle shaking your head. “Millions of girls have the picture of you, lying naked on their walls.”

“You one of them?” he cheekily asks.

“Nah, doesn’t go well with the vibe of my apartment.”

“Shame. Though I think it would definitely look amazin’ above your bed, Love.”

“Now would it? I don’t know about that.”

“I’ll get you a copy framed,” he smirks and you can see it clear even from the distance. “Y’ know what? I’ll make you an exclusive one. One that nobody else has, how does that sound?”

“I can’t believe you, Styles,” you chuckle shaking your head. “I’m not gonna answer this, just gonna head to bed. You should too.”

“So we’re not sharing any secrets like we used to? Thought you’d have something fo’ me.”

“You know everything, Harry,” you sigh with a soft smile, though your heart skips a beat. He does know everything, except one big, fat, heavy secret you’ve been carrying around for way too long, that will probably stay with you forever.

“Right. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” “Night, Harry.”

“Good night, Love,” he murmurs and you know he is smiling, thought he steps away from the window as he says goodbye and you do the same before ending the call.

 ***

 “Hey! That’s mine!” you protest as Harry steals another roasted chestnut from your little paper bag, but you can’t stay mad at him when he is smiling at you so sweetly.

“Sorry, tastes better when it’s someone else’s.”

“Sure,” you snort and just let him get as many as he wants. You wouldn’t have eaten it all anyway.

It’s quite cold out in the town, but at least there’s no rain or storm, so the weather didn’t try to ruin your little trip to the Christmas market.

Gemma calls out for Harry to show him something and you just keep wandering between the booths, enjoying the atmosphere quite a lot, you have no idea when was the last time you got to come to the market, though you always loved coming when you were younger.

Finishing up your chestnuts you throw the paper bag into a trash can and turn around to find the rest of your little group, spotting Harry and Gemma deep in discussion next to a booth that offers handmade ceramic mugs. As you walk closer it almost seems like as if they were having a fight, which is just odd, they rarely do that.

“Just get your head out of your arse!” you catch Gemma telling her brother who only groans in frustration before he spots you, a smile plastering across his face.

“Hey, there you are!” he beams.

“Everything alright?” you ask looking at them.

“Sure, just Gemma is being a little nosy, is all,” Harry waves in dismiss. You glance over to Gems, but she is already back in discussion with Michal so you decide to drop it. “You ate all the chestnuts?” Harry asks offended, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“Well, it was mine, so of course I ate them!”

“Selfish,” he narrows his eyes at you, but you both know it’s just a joke.

You walk further down in the aisle, occasionally stopping at some of the booth when you spot a place that offers hot chocolate in cute little mugs that you can take home with you if you’d like, or just take it back and get your money back.

“Oh look!” you gasp excitedly and head towards the hot chocolate booth. The old lady smiles brightly at the two of you as you take a look at all the choices. “Oh my god, they have caramel flavored!” you cheer, basically already drooling at the thought of a good, caramel flavored hot chocolate.

“What can I get for the lovely couple?” the lady smiles warmly at the two of you and you freeze at her assumption.

“Oh we—“ you start, but Harry cuts you off.

“A caramel flavored and a plain one, please,” he orders, without even batting an eye about how the lady just called you a couple. You can feel your cheeks heating up at the thought, but you try to calm yourself. He probably just didn’t want to get into explaining that you two are not an item and let her think what she wanted.

The nice lady hands you your mug and you take Harry’s as well as he pays for both of them. You would try to argue with him and pay yours, but you are already used to how stubborn he is and he never lets you split anything, it’s always on him.

“Thank you, have a nice day!” Harry calls out to the lady before the two of you leave. You peek at him handing him his mug, looking for any clue that would give away if this little scene got him just as bothered as it did you, but he looks perfectly fine and relaxed, so you decide not to bring it up. You’re sure he didn’t think much of it.

Your little stroll stretches into the afternoon, the four of you decide to have lunch out there too, then you just opt for a walk in town as Gemma wants to do a quick last minute Christmas shopping, so by the time you get home Anne is already over at yours helping your mum with dinner. Tonight you are all eating at yours, then tomorrow it’s the Styles’ turn to host, this is how you agreed this year.

“Woah, it smells amazing!” you call out walking into the house. The delicious smells fill up the whole place and you hear the two women giggling in the kitchen.

“Hi Honey, how was the market?” your mum greets you, a glass of red wine in her hand and the same goes for Anne.

“Great, we have a new mug,” you say holding up the emptied out hot chocolate mug. Stepping to the sink you wash it quickly and drying off you put it away in one of the cabinets.

You stick around in the kitchen and not so much later Harry comes over, the two of you leave your mums alone and get comfortable in front of the telly.

All channels are filled with holiday movies and you don’t mind, really, you like them all even if you’ve seen them a million times, you still find them funny and cute. Harry feels the same way, so when you settle on Love Actually he doesn’t say a word.

What startles you is that he grabs your ankles and pulls your legs over his lap, a small shriek escaping your mouth since you weren’t expecting him to do that. You’re sitting sideways, your legs are bent at the knee and Harry is kind of hugging them as his eyes are glued to the screen.

You find it rather hard to focus on the movie when Harry’s fingers keep fidgeting on your legs, they keep running up and down, sometimes he lays his hands flat on your knees, there’s no spot he hasn’t touched since you started watching the movie.

About an hour into the film he turns to you and you look at him in question.

“’M in the mood to cuddle,” he announces and starts moving around, not even letting you protest as he basically crawls to your lap, resting his head on your stomach as the two of you lay on the couch.

“Am I now your personal pillow?” you ask chuckling, but you wouldn’t want him to move for anything. Feeling him weigh down on you just feels so warm and simple but amazing.

“The best one,” he mumbles, bringing a hand to your side as you let your fingers comb through his curls.

You keep massaging his scalp and he lets out soft moans when you go over a soft spot, you can’t help but chuckle as he melts under your hands. His fingers start drawing circles on your side and the movie is long forgotten by you, all you can focus on is how great it is to have Harry so close to you. He is known to be a physical person, you are used to hugs and touches, but it seems like he is a little needier now than the usual.

You don’t mind it though, you just try to enjoy the moment, because it can end anytime.

Gemma and Michal come over a little before seven, and while your mums finish up the cooking the four of you set the table. You grab the crystal glasses and start placing them to the table, Harry lending you a hand. Once the table is all set you shuffle into the kitchen to see if there’s anything you can help with, Harry following you behind, placing a hand to the small of your back.

As you stand and wait for you mum to finish up the meals so you can help carry them to the table you feel Harry’s hand wander over to your hip, giving it a squeeze as he stands closer, so his chest is pressed against your back.

“Harry?” you ask a little out of breath.

“Hm?” he innocently hums.

“What’s with you today?” Turning your head to the side your eyes lock with his, but he just shrugs smiling.

“Guess I just missed yeh a lot.”

“You’re weird,” you chuckle shaking your head, but don’t make an effort to push him away. His touch feels way too good to put an end to it and you just want to be selfish a little longer.

His hands leave you when the two of you help to bring the food to the table, and you almost wish they would just return, but you gotta swallow the thought.

The food is amazing, as always. You all sip on some wine, just having a genuinely good time, enjoying that all of you are back at one place, something that rarely happens now that all three of you kids are all grown up.

At one point Harry rests his arm on the back of your chair, no one seems to notice but you. All these little things have been driving you crazy all day and your mind seems to be playing a nasty game with you. There’s no way Harry thinks of these details more than what they are, a friendly gesture towards an old friend of his.

When Gemma is telling a story about some weird guy she met at work Harry reaches up and pushes your hair behind your ear, his finger lingering over your neck a little longer than you would have expected. Turning to face him you give him a questioning look, not sure what to think about his needy and touchy self all of a sudden.

“What?” you mouth him, but he just smiles at you absentmindedly, curling a strand of hair around his finger, playing with it for a moment before letting go of it and going for another lock. You reach up and pull his hand away, feeling yourself heating up from his touch, but when you are about to let go of his hand he grabs yours, lacing your fingers together with yours as he rests them on his thigh.

“Harry…” you breathe out, glancing at the others, relieved to see that they are not paying much attention to the two of you.

“What? Am I not allowed to touch you?” he asks with a smug smirk and you roll your eyes at him.

“As I said, you’re weird,” you mumble under your breath looking down at your now empty plate. Harry gives your hand a squeeze.

“But like, the good kind of weird, yeah?”

“Shut up,” you chuckle shaking your head at him.

You try to tell yourself he is just needy because it’s been so long since you last saw each other. It can’t be more, you push even the smallest thought to the back of your mind, though it surely lingers there throughout the evening.

He helps you with washing the dishes, you stand arm to arm at the sink as you scrub the plates and hand over to him for drying. He gently hums to himself all along, swaying his hips, bumping against yours. At first you resist it, but then you catch the rhythm and start moving along, so your hips meet in the middle before swinging to the opposite side.

“What’s the song?” you ask finishing up the last plate.

“Just something random,” he shrugs smirking over at you. You hand him the last plate, he is still singing, making up gibberish lyrics to his song and once he puts the plate down he throws the kitchen cloth to the counter and easily grabs your waist pulling you against him as he starts swaying with you to his impromptu song. You let out a small shriek at the sudden movement, but eventually melt into his hold. The humming slowly turns into an all too familiar melody as Harry starts singing Sweet Creature into your ear, slow dancing in the kitchen while you hear your mums and Gemma laugh outside somewhere.

Your hands run up his arms and stop behind his neck as you lock your fingers and let him hold you close, his palms are pressed to your waist, fingers gently stroking you through the fabric of your shirt. You take a deep breath and his cologne fills your nose, one of your favorite scents, sometimes you just wish you could spray it on your pillow so it would always smell like him.

“Sweet creature, wherever I go, you bring me home…” he softly sings, leaning back just enough for your eyes to meet. It feels like your heart is about to burst out of your chest, it’s not the first time you feel so intimidated by him, like you could pass out any moment, but this is a little different. As if his eyes were telling you another story, but you can’t completely make up the words.

“Sweet creature, when I run out of road, you bring me home, you’ll bring me home.” He finishes the song, hums the closing melody and you watch him in complete awe. Your lips part when you catch his gaze move down to them and you swear you see him leaning closer, as if he is about to kiss you. Your breath gets caught in your throat, he is so close, just a few more inches and you’d taste those perfect lips of his, the ones you’ve been dreaming about for way too long.

It almost happens, it seems, but just when that last push is about to set in Gemma waltz into the kitchen and you step back faster than light, pushing him away even though the sudden lack of his touch is more painful than you were expecting.

“You guys—Oh, what’s up?” she asks stopping at the door and you feel yourself getting redder with each passing moment, the heat crawling up your neck, ears cheeks, right to the top of your head. What were you thinking? You let yourself believe Harry would ever kiss you, this whole scene was nothing more than just a friendly moment the two of you were sharing.

“I’m—sorry,” you breathe out making your way out of the kitchen, right up to your room to have some well needed space.

“Way to ruin everything,” Harry snickers at his sister.

“You joking? You wanted to kiss her in her mum’s kitchen?” Gemma snaps at him in disbelief.

“We were having a moment,” he mumbles rubbing his face with his hands. “Up until you stomped in with your big mouth.”

“Well, if you were havin’ a moment, just make it happen again.”

“As if it’s that easy, Gemma!” he scoffs throwing his hands in the air.

“Man up and tell her how you feel, don’t have to complicate it too much,” she shrugs before walking out and leaving her brother alone. Harry growls in frustration, the gears in his head turning wildly as he is trying to figure out how to come clear to you about his feelings.

 Meanwhile, up in your room you get out your laptop and busy yourself with checking up on messages and emails you’ve been ignoring, hoping that the uneasy feeling in your chest will ease very soon. Your hands were shaking when you locked yourself up in your room, but as you get focused on other tasks you slowly gain your balance back.

You kind of even forget that the Styles’ were over, you only realize that you abruptly pulled yourself out of the evening when there’s a soft knock on your door.

“Come on in!” you call out and a moment later Harry’s head pops in, eyes softly falling on your sitting figure on the bed. “Hey,” you smile at him faintly.

“Hey. Thought you were sleepin’s or summat.” Coming inside he closes the door behind him then sits on your plush rug in the middle of the room.

“Just… sorted some work related things out,” you sigh.

“Working during the holidays? Tha’s not healthy.”

“I know, I’m done,” you smile shutting the laptop down and putting it aside. “Sorry I disappeared, I just—“

“No worries,” Harry shakes his head. “Mum and Gems went home, they thought you were sleeping too, tha’s why they didn’t say goodbye.”

“Oh, alright.”

“But I thought we could have a sleepover,” he peeks at you with a boyish smile.

“What, like we did in middle school?” you chuckle.

“Yea, thought it would be fun.”

“Well, I don’t think my bed would fit us comfortably and we don’t have the mattress anymore that you used to sleep on,” you tell him looking around.

“Nonsense, I’m not tha’ big,” he insists hopping to his feet and throwing himself on the bed, ignoring that you’re already there. His body takes up more than half on the bed , limbs wrapping around you as he brings you down to the mattress next to him, you can’t help the laugh that leaves your lips.

“You’re like a gigantic baby, Harry!” you laugh as he keeps you down on the bed with his arm.

“It’s perfectly fine for two people,” he mumbles with a smirk, closing his eyes as his head sinks into your pillow.

“Do you ever get no as an answer?” you ask looking at him in awe. You can never get used to seeing him so up close, like not many get to.

“No,” he huffs in satisfaction, his arm bringing you closer to him and you just giggle at him.

“I’m not sleeping just yet, gotta have a shower first.”

“Do what you want, I’ll be here,” he mumbles but you snort at him.

“You’re not sleeping in my bed without having a shower,” you tell him before you grab your pajamas and head to the bathroom.

You have a quick shower and get done with all your evening business. Returning to your room you find Harry sitting on the floor, his back against the side of the bed as he is scrolling through his phone.

“Does mum know you’re staying over?” you ask him as you throw your used clothes into the hamper, moving around the room while feeling his eyes on you.

“Yeah. ‘S all good.”

“You need a towel?”

“Yes please,” he says pushing himself up from the floor.

“Clothes?” you ask with an arched brow. He just grins at you and it’s enough of an answer. “Here,” you give him the shirt and sweats he has left at yours quite some time ago, along with a clean towel.

“Thanks,” he smirks before leaving to occupy the bathroom.

He doesn’t take long in there, you’re lying in bed already when he returns, smelling like your shower gel, strawberry and melon.

He throws his clothes to the chair in the corner and then lies beside you on the bed. You scoot over to the wall to give him space, but he is quick to bring you closer to him once he has made himself comfortable. You lay your head on his shoulder as you are both scrolling through your phones.

When you had enough, you throw yours to the nightstand, and stay cuddled up to his side.

“Do you remember the last time I slept here?” he asks tossing his phone to the nightstand and bringing his arms around you.

“Mm, was it at my twentieth birthday?”

“Yeah. You were so wasted,” he chuckles and you smirk to yourself

“But you took good care of me.”

“I did. You were so cute, rambling about how much you love me when I took you home from the pub.”

You bite into your bottom lip. You still remember that night vividly. Your birthday party had gone a little wild and you had gotten drunker than you intended to. Luckily, he was there to bring your home and he stayed in the bathroom with you as you threw up everything you ate and drank that evening. Then he made you take a shower, got you fresh clothes out and helped you get into bed. He slept next to you that night, holding you in his arms, gently caressing your back and upper arm as you fell into your drunken slumber. In the morning you told yourself he just did what any other friend would do, helping you out when you were clearly knocked out, but he made you breakfast in the morning since your mum was working all night and morning and he stayed over later the afternoon to make sure you were alright.

What you told him in your drunken state about loving him, it wasn’t just your friendly side, it was your drunken self coming clear to him, telling him that you are in love with him, but he didn’t take it seriously and you were too ashamed and awkward to even bring it up to him after that, so it was all forgotten very soon.

Following that you planned on telling him how you feel, several times. You even wrote a little speech you planned to give him when the time comes, but you couldn’t do it. The fear of losing him if he doesn’t feel the same was stronger than you expected and every time you had the chance to come clear, you chickened out. The thought of losing him as a friend is way worse than having to push your feelings down... forever. You just can’t imagine your life without Harry in it and you can’t risk losing him.

The two of you talk for quite a while, laughing about the good old times, until you both fall asleep. Sometime in the middle of the night you wake up and feel Harry wrapped around you, his head lying on your chest as he is snoring softly. He truly is like a big baby, an arm thrown over your stomach, his legs tangled with yours. Good Lord, how amazing it feels to have him so close to you!

Reaching up you tangle your fingers through his hair gently so he doesn’t wake up, his soft curls glide between your fingers easily and lifting your head you kiss the top of his head before letting yourself drift back to sleep.

When you open your eyes the next time the situation is the opposite, you are the one cuddled up to Harry’s side who is scrolling through his phone with one hand, keeping the other one on your arm.

“Mornin’, sleepy head,” he chuckles softly when he sees you awake.

“Mmm, what time is it?” you ask letting your head rest on his chest a little longer.

“Quarter to nine. You can sleep a little more if you want, it’s not that late.”

“No, I promised mum I’d help her wrap gifts,” you sigh rolling over to your stomach as you push yourself up to your elbows to look at him. “Love the double chin you got going there,” you tease him sleepily and he just smirks.

“Yea? Quite cute, right? Worked a lot on it,” he jokes running his finger over it before letting out a chuckle. “Ready for our battle today?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be. You are going down this year, Styles,” you tell him pushing yourself up into a sitting position. Harry only pushes himself further on the bed enough to rest his head against the headboard.

“Oh really? I wouldn’t be that sure about tha’,” he warns you, but you are feeling pretty confident about your performance this year. There’s no way he can top it.

“We’ll see. Alright, I need a coffee. Want something for breakfast?” you ask him crawling out of the bed.

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

Your mum is already in the kitchen, sipping on her morning coffee while reading the paper. She doesn’t find it even a bit weird that Harry spent the night at yours, it’s been quite the usual for you. Harry helps you make eggs and bacon and the three of you eat together, having a lovely time and you genuinely feel like it’s just like in the good old times when you were still living home and Harry wasn’t Harry Styles, but the boy from across the street.

He goes home after breakfast to help his own mum with the cooking for tonight’s dinner and you don’t do much for the rest of the day, just spend time with your mum, watch movies and relax. It’s nice to unwind after such a busy year behind you.

Not long before five you go to take a shower and get ready to head over to the Styles’ and you pack everything you’ll need for the evening: gifts, ugly sweater, accessories. Harry is going down this year for sure.

It’s a little past six when you and your mum walk across the street, Anne’s Christmas lights are putting the little town house into the spirit for sure. You don’t even ring the bell, just walk straight in, like you always do. The Christmas tree stands tall in their living room and the table is already nicely set. Gemma and Michal are snuggled up on the couch while Harry is helping Anne in the kitchen with the finishing touches.

“I’m rooting for you this year,” Gemma winks at you when you set down your bag in the corner that has everything you’ll need for your performance.

“He’s gonna lose this round,” you smirk proudly, very sure in yourself.

Harry greets you with a bright smile and a tight hug when he walks into the living room, as if you didn’t just see each other a few hours earlier.

When the food is ready you all sit down to eat, and though you’re trying your best to focus on the conversation, you’re getting excited about tonight’s karaoke battle.

“Anxious much?” Harry asks you quietly.

“Why are you asking?”

He doesn’t answer, just places a hand to your thigh stopping it from shaking, making you realize you’ve been probably bouncing it all along. He smirks at you as you just roll your eyes at him.

“’S okay, you can handle one more year of losing,” he teases you and you give him an arched eyebrow.

“Don’t be so full of yourself, Harry,” you warn him, but he just squeezes your thigh again before bringing his hands back up to the table, leaving you a little breathless with his touch.

You all help clean up the table after dinner and when it’s done, you gather in the living room to open gifts.

When Harry’s career launched, the first few years you felt anxious about gifting him, because you felt like you couldn’t give him enough. He had all the money and bought everything he needed for himself, there wasn’t much you could give him. But when one time, you admitted to him this struggle of yours he assured you that it doesn’t matter what you give him, it’ll always be precious to him.

“You thought about me, you took the time to buy something for me, and that’s more than enough, Y/N,” he told you and though it took you time, but you got used to it. Especially when you saw the same excitement in his eyes every time you gifted something to him, you slowly but surely realized he wasn’t expecting a Gucci suit, but a thoughtful gesture.

Gathering in the living room you open the presents one by one and just as always, everyone was quite creative with the gifts. You can’t help but still feel a little anxious when Harry grabs his gift from you. Giving you an excited look he unties the little bow on the top and tears the wrapping paper off.

“Y/N!” he breathes out, eyes softening as he pulls the knitted cardigan out of the box.

“I always saw you wearing all sorts of cardigans and so I finally had a reason to learn how to knit, so I thought I would make one for you,” you ramble as he holds up the baby blue cardigan that has little daisies all over the front. It took you an entire week to just make the daisies, you worked on the whole cardigan for more than two months, usually in the middle of the night, staying up until unholy hours to finish in time.

But Harry’s smile is worth it all, he is beaming, clearly so in love with what you made him, so you breathe out relieved. He then puts it aside and wraps his arms around you pulling you into the tightest hug.

“Thank you, I love it so much,” he mumbles and kisses your temple and you breathe in his sweet scent, burying yourself in his embrace, hugging his waist.

When you part, Harry reaches for a box from under the tree and hands it to you, a nervous smile tugging on his lips. You can tell he wrapped the gift himself, the silver wrapping paper is a little uneven, but the huge rainbow colored bow on the top is the perfect touch that makes it like a piece of him.

You carefully tear the paper off, peeking inside you just see a plain box that doesn’t give much away. Glancing up at Harry you see how he is anxiously biting his bottom lip, even though you’d be happy with a gift as small as a candle. It’s the thought that counts.

“I-I wasn’t sure if this was the one you mentioned to me, so I hope it’s gonna be alright,” he mumbles, eyes fixed on your hands as they open the box, while you try to think back what you have told him about that caught his attention, but you just can’t recall what you wanted to get so badly you told Harry about it.

As you open the box you don’t process what it is immediately, the plastic wrapper making it hard to figure it out, but when you carefully pull out the object, you gasp in surprise.

“Harry!” you breathe out as you pull off the plastic of the old, vintage polaroid camera. It’s not one of these new types you can buy in stores easily, this is a classic, must have quite a history behind it.

Now you vaguely remember talking about longing for an oldschool, vintage camera, but it was months ago and you’ve forgotten about the whole thing since these devices cost a fortune because there aren’t many left from them. But now there’s one in your hands, because Harry not only listened to you, but he remembered and went out of his way to find you one in amazing condition.

“This must have cost a fortune!” you huff, your heart pounding in your chest, though you already know it doesn’t matter to him.

“This face is worth every penny,” he smiles at you softly before you throw yourself at him for another round of hugging. This man surely knows how to have you wrapped around his fingers.

The two of you sit on the floor as you figure out how to make the camera work, Harry bought everything needed, so you have a few packs of films as well. When it’s all done you bring it up to your face and aim it at Harry. It takes him a moment to realize that you’re about to snap your first photo and he tries to snatch the camera away, but it’s too late, the flash goes off and the device pushes out the undeveloped picture.

“You wasted your first snap on me?” he protests rubbing his eyes after the flash blinded him for a little.

“It’s not a waste,” you tell him as you patiently wait for the picture to finally appear.

Slowly, the colors start to show and in a couple of minutes Harry’s face appears, his hand reaching in the direction of the camera, looking out of focus, only his face appearing clearly. He looks so delicate, his eyes dazzling as a soft smile plays on his lips. This moment now will live forever not just in your mind, but on this photo.

 Harry goes out with his karaoke performance this year for sure and you’d be actually anxious about him winning if only you didn’t have the absolutely best performance right in your pocket.

His sweater this year features some really ugly looking penguins and a horroristic reindeer on the back, it’s really ugly and you can’t even imagine who thought it would be fine to make it and then sell it. His choice of music is also excellent, he has a great eye for songs you’d never imagine him perform and then shock everyone with it. This year, he chose Rude Boy by none other than Rihanna, and it’s fantastic, no one can make it through the song without crying. Harry makes sure to put on his best show, even dancing and twerking unapologetically, trying everything to win the battle and you are amazed by his effort. Above all the fun and jokes, he nails the song, that’s undeniable. It always baffles you how he can just slay any and all genres, even the ones that stand a million miles away from his style.

When the song is over, you all cheer for him, because he truly deserves it. He grins down at you in victory, but you just give him a challenging smirk.

“You can just give up now, if you want,” he teases you as you stand up from the couch and the two of you trade places.

“Oh, I think you should be the one to worry about losing,” you warn him grabbing your bag. Stepping to Gemma you whisper into her ear, instructing her to put on your song when you call out from the bathroom, since you are planning on do a grandiose entrance. When she hears what song you’ll be singing she gasps.

“Oh my fucking God, no way!” he looks at your with wide eyes.

“What? What is it?” Harry asks, dying to know what you just told his sister, but you shake your head at him.

“Patience,” you tell him before locking yourself up in the bathroom.

This year, you didn’t find the sweater, the sweater found you. On one of your thrift tours, you were digging up a huge pile of clothes when you came right across it and you knew what you needed to do.

Putting on the sweater you fix up your hair quickly before putting on your party glasses, the one that lights up if you switch it on. You take one last look at yourself in the mirror and smirk at your reflection knowing well you’ll have everyone dead when you walk out.

“Gemma! You can start it!” you call out with your hand on the doorknob, waiting to hear the music. Gemma quickly starts in and you haven’t even stepped out, you can hear a round of gasps.

Best Song Ever blasts through the speakers and you walk out trying your best to imitate a younger version of Harry, wearing the absolute ugliest Christmas sweater ever, that has the faces of One Direction all over it, filling up every inch of the fabric, and all of them have poorly photoshopped Santa hats on, it’s just literal trash and ridiculously perfect for the battle.

You grab the mic and start singing as everyone screams in the room. You jump, sing and even do the dance moves the boys do in the original music video, and when you look at Harry you see him staring at you in disbelief and total defeat. Everyone knows you won, nothing can top this performance ever and you could burst from the sweet feeling of victory.

By the end of the song everyone is up on their feet dancing and singing with you, a mini party forming in the middle of the living room and you all scream the last lines as the song comes to its end.

“I think we don’t even need to vote this time,” you say when the music stops, everyone screaming in agreement while Harry stares down at you, trying to hide his growing smirk.

“Where did you even find this?” he asks chuckling as he takes a better look at the sweater.

“At a thrift store, it called out my name, knew it’d be perfect.”

“It really is ugly, if I’m being honest,” he sighs, his eyes meeting yours again. “And the song… I accept defeat, you earned this victory, Y/N,” he tells you bowing and admitting your victory.

 Later that night everyone is so keen on watching Holiday, you agree to stay even though you feel your eyelids heavily weighing down, threatening to close with each passing moment. You let your head rest on Harry’s shoulder and he presses his cheek against the crown of your head.

It’s not a surprise you fall asleep halfway into the movie, but what you weren’t expecting is to wake up and find yourself not on the couch anymore, but in Harry’s bed. It’s dark, only the moon is shining through his windows and as you turn to the right you see that he is sleeping peacefully next to you on his back, one arm spread next to him, hand hanging from the edge, the other one resting on his stomach, rising and falling in a slow rhythm.

Squinting your eyes you look at the digital clock on his dresser, it reads 3:23 am so you’ve been asleep for quite a few hours now. You don’t even remember him bringing you up here, but you’re definitely not mad that he didn’t bring you home, just up to his room.

Rolling to your side you give yourself a moment to adorn his beauty without fearing he would catch your wandering eyes. Everything seems so perfect about him, the line of his nose, his cupid’s bow that delicately rolls into her lips. The crease between his eyebrows, his soft skin on his cheeks, down his neck that runs into his broad shoulders and inked, strong arms. You truly think there’s no man that could compare to him and you are lucky enough to live your life so close to him, be able to touch him, hear his voice whenever you miss him, see his smile and share a connection with him.

It’s so silly, but you think of him as your personal ray of sunshine in your life. Just the smallest things about him can brighten your worst day, he’ll always have a special place in your heart, no matter where life takes the two of you.

Watching him sleeping you allow yourself to break free from your doubts and fears and scooting closer you shyly curl up to his side, your head resting on his shoulder, but you can’t even make yourself comfortable before you feel him moving under you.

Sucking on your breath you think he’ll push you away, not wanting you so close, but instead, he pulls his arm from under you, curling around your frame as he pulls you tight to him, almost making you lie on top of him. Your whole body is pressed against him and you mingle a leg between his long ones under the soft sheets. You let out a long huff at the warm touch of his body against your skin, completely lost in him.

“You alright?” he mumbles in his sleep laced voice, his eyes remain closed.

“Yeah. Is this okay?” you nervously ask as you lay your hand flat on his stomach. He brings his hand that was hanging from the bed on his other side and covers yours, as he squeezes you tight to his side.

“’M all yours,” he breathes out, his words sending a shiver down your spine. You’re sure he didn’t mean it like that, but it warmed your heart to hear it from him and you let your mind play with the thought that there was more behind his words than a friendly manner.

Nuzzling your head into his chest you close your eyes and listening to his steady heartbeat you let yourself fall back asleep.

 Your morning is filled with coffee, pancakes, laughter and great company. Harry doesn’t let you leave without having breakfast with them, so you sit with the Styles family and laugh about the craziest stories from your teenage years.

“Remember when we tried to run away?” Harry grins at you, his red mug that had white polka dots all over it in his hands as he eyes you.

“Oh, how could I forget that?” you huff and Gemma turns to you with surprise in her eyes.

“Wait, I didn’t know about that!”

“Because we didn’t get too far,” Harry laughs. “We were, what, like fifteen?”

“Yeah, it was a few weeks after my fifteenth birthday,” you nod smiling.

“I had a fight with mum about God knows what, then stormed over to Y/N’s and talked her into running away. So we packed our backpacks and left.”

“Where did you go?” Michal asks with an amused grin as he listens to the story.

“We didn’t want to go into town, running into anyone we know, so we thought we would just go straight out to the meadow that’s there,” Harry says gesturing towards the window. The edge of the town is not so war, and a huge meadow lies there, a little stream running across it. “We walked for quite long, but then it started to get dark and we had nowhere to go, so we just ended up coming back home. No one even noticed we were gone, they thought we just went out to bike or something,” he finishes laughing.

“You knew about this?” Gemma asks Anne.

“Yeah, he came clear the next day, thinking he would piss me off with it, but I didn’t care, he came back for dinner, so it was alright,” Anne explains laughing.

It’s been so long since it happened, but I still remember it vividly, only that it was a more dramatic memory back then, now I can only laugh at it.

“We should go for a walk today,” Harry prompts to you.

“Wanna run away again?” you tease him.

“Always,” he chuckles.

You help cleaning up and agree with Harry to meet outside in an hour to take a walk to the meadow. Going home you take a shower and wash the dishes your mum left in the sink when she left for her morning shift. You put on a pair of boyfriend jeans, a warm sweater and your jacket with your trusty boots and you walk out the house right when Harry steps out as well. He grins in your way as the two of you meet in the middle of the street. He holds his arm out for you.

“M’ lady?” he smirks as you link your arm with his and the two of you head out for your little walk. It’s a gloomy day, might rain later as well, but it’s dry so far, so you’re just hoping to get home before it starts raining. Your runaway attempt wasn’t the only time the two of you came out here, it was kind of your place when you felt like having a break from everyone else. You biked out here, brought your favorite snacks and just ran around, enjoying the stillness.

However it also holds a bitter memory as well.

A little further down among the trees happened Harry’s first kiss and you witnessed it, feeling your heart break to a million pieces when you saw him lock lips with someone who wasn’t you.

Debby Hamilton was a friend of yours in sixth grade, you’d say, your only friend beside Harry and the three of you often hung out together around that time. Debby was a delight, you always desired to be more like her, boys liked her and she knew it damn well, but it didn’t make her cocky and egoistic. You always thought Harry had a crush on her, why would have he? They kind of looked cute together.

It was a Friday afternoon and Harry asked if you wanted to come out and listen to his new cassette he got for his old Walkman he refused to get rid of as technology was evolving. You figured he’d want Debby there as well so you invited her along, but didn’t tell Harry. He never made a move on Debby and you thought he was just looking for the right time.

That afternoon, you were supposed to meet them out there at five, but you didn’t leave until half past five and it takes about twenty minutes to get out there. Though you gave them the alone time technically, it still startled you when you found them under one of the oak trees, Debby leaning her back against the tree as Harry stood in front of her. She was smiling up at him sweetly, saying something to him and you were just about to call out for them and apologize for being late when Harry ducked his head and kissed Debby right in front of your eyes.

That was your first and probably worst heartbreak and you were only twelve. You felt betrayed, hopeless and naïve to think Harry would ever have a thing for you when there were girls like Debby. You left without letting them know you were there. When Harry asked you later why you didn’t come you told him you felt sick to your stomach, which wasn’t a total lie, you had quite the nausea after seeing Harry with Debby, but he didn’t have to know all the details.

He later told you about kissing Debby and you pretended like you didn’t know about it. However they never dated and not long after their kiss Debby drifted away from the two of you. Not that you minded, you had a bitter feeling every time you had to look at her after that, jealousy raging in your chest knowing that she got Harry’s first kiss.

He didn’t bring it up after and you weren’t keen on talking about it, but you still know which tree they were standing under and now as you near the area you see that it still stands tall near the tiny stream.

Peeking up at Harry you see that his eyes are focused on the same tree, but then he catches you looking.

“Memories?” you innocently ask, feeling your chest tightening. You don’t even know why you asked. It’s been over a decade since that kiss, you are both adults, but you still can’t help the sadness that washes over you at just the thought, why would you want to get him talk about it now?

“’S just… that’s the tree I kissed Debby when I was twelve,” he mumbles with a shrug. Biting into your bottom lip you look at the old oak tree nodding your head and before you could stop yourself, you speak up.

“I know.”

“What? How would you? I never told you,” Harry asks stopping, a puzzled look pulling on his face.

“Well I… It doesn’t matter,” you sigh, regretting ever opening your mouth.

“It does. Tell me!” he pleads standing in front of you.

“I know it, because… I was here.”

“You what?”

“I came, I was just very late. And when I arrived you two were standing there and I saw you kiss. I thought I shouldn’t interrupt whatever was happening so I went home and let you two be,” you explain, changing it up a little bit.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why is it important that I saw it? It doesn’t change anything, right?” you ask with a smile that you intended to look innocent, but deep down it’s filled with pain.

Harry opens his mouth as if he wants to say something, but then remains silent and you are done talking about it, so you just quietly keep walking, Harry catching up with you a few moments later.

It’s awfully quiet after your revelation, it seems like Harry is deep in his thoughts and though you’re dying to know what’s occupying his bright thoughts, you’re kind of afraid you’d hear something you didn’t want to.

The two of you soon head back home and slowly, but you forget about the whole Debby thing. Harry starts talking again, but he looks a little keyed up still when you reach your street.

“Wanna come over later?” you ask standing on the pavement in front of your house, it’s just an innocent question. Harry nods his head.

“Sure. Is your mum working?” he asks glancing at the house, though he knows she is, the car is not on the driveway.

“Yeah. She’ll be home around six.”

He nods again and you want to ask if he is alright, but you decide not to. You share a quick hug before he heads over to his home and you do the same. The house waits for you in silence and when the door clicks behind you, it weighs down on you heavier than you were expecting. You hang your jacket, kick your boots off and throw yourself to the couch, covering your eyes with your arm as you huff out in frustration. You feel silly for getting upset about such a small thing even after so much time, but you just can’t help it.

You barely realize the sound of the front door opening, taking your arm off your eyes you see Harry walk in, eyebrows furrowed, a worried look on his handsome face.

“Harry—“ “I was waiting for you that day,” he simply says as you sit up with wide eyes, confused about what he is really talking about.

“What?”

“That day, we agreed to meet out there to listen to my new Stevie Wonder cassette, but you didn’t show up, Debby did even though I didn’t invite her out there.”

“Well, I did, thought you wanted her there too,” you explain, startled by the situation.

“I would have invited her if I wanted her to be there, but I wanted to be with you. Only you.”

“I-I’m sorry?” you breathe out, not seeing where he is going with it.

“Y/N, you don’t understand,” he huffs and he is right. You don’t. “I wanted to meet you, but you never came, or at least I thought. Then Debby showed up, I was frustrated that you weren’t there and she was being all nice, telling me how cute I looked when I was worried and it all just happened so fast and… I didn’t even want to kiss her.” He looks properly upset telling you the story and he takes a deep breath before his eyes meet yours with a hard stare. “I wanted to be with you,” he repeats.

“Harry, I’m sorry, I didn’t—“

He shakes his hair, not even letting you finish, because he knows what you wanted to say and that you still don’t understand the meaning behind his words.

“Y/N, I wanted to kiss you,” he then finally says and you suck on your breath as he continues. “Well, not right then and there, but I’ve been meaning to kiss you, I just didn’t know when. I thought that if we have a moment that afternoon I’d do it, but you never came and I was mad and disappointed. I hated myself for kissing Debby, because I didn’t really want to, it just… happened. I wanted to tell you, and I intended to do it when I told you we kissed, but you acted so happy, I figured you didn’t feel the same way about me as I did for you. So I didn’t tell you the rest, but…” He sighs in defeat, looking for words, but he ran out.

“Why are you telling this to me now?” you ask a little out of breath, your head feeling heavy at the new information you just heard.

“Why didn’t you tell me you saw us and why did you go home without a word?” he asks ignoring your question.

“I… don’t—“

“Don’t try to lie.”

Gulping hard you lick your dried lips as you stare back at him.

“Because I was… jealous.” Your voice comes out only as a whisper. Harry’s lips part as he takes two steps closer to you.

“You had feelings for me?” he asks and you just nod your head, not trusting yourself with your voice. “Do you still have feelings for me?”

“I do,” you whisper your answer and Harry lets out a sharp breath as he leaps across the room in your way. You jump to your feet, thinking that he’ll lash out on your for keeping it a secret and you open your mouth to explain yourself, but you never get to speak up because as Harry reaches you, one hand snaps to the back of your neck, the other one to your waist, yanking you against him as his lips crash to yours.

You gasp in surprise, but it doesn’t take long to kiss him back, your numb mind blindly reacting to his sudden action. Your hands snake up to the back of his neck as you pull him closer, returning his hungry kisses. His soft lips feel so smooth and warm against yours and when his tongue runs along your bottom lip you whimper letting your tongues meet in the middle.

He is intoxicating and it doesn’t help that your adrenaline level is up in the sky, you’ve fantasized about it way too many times, and now that it’s happening your body is burning in flames. He kisses you all over and over again, his body pressing against yours hard and when he even leans in making you lean back, you lose balance and the two of you fall to the couch, both of you gasping as you are forced to part your lips.

“Fuck,” you chuckle as Harry is basically lying on you, holding himself up on his arms, but you feel him everywhere.

“’M sorry, I got a little carried away, but I’ve been dying to do this since forever,” he admits chuckling as he lifts his head and looks down at you with those bright green eyes of his.

“Really?” you breathe out, only slowly processing what’s really just happened.

“Y/N, I’ve been in love with you since I first saw you hiding behind your mum.”

“Idiot, you were just a kid, you weren’t in love,” you chuckle, running up your hands to the back of his neck, your fingers playing with the soft curls. He smirks and nuzzles his nose against yours.

“Oh, I was, I just didn’t know it yet.” Leaning down he pecks your lips softly. “I’ve been meaning to tell you so many times, but I didn’t want it to ruin our friendship. Though I was growing impatient these last few years.”

“Yeah?” you chuckle.

“You can’t imagine,” he huffs shaking his head. I almost kissed you the other day in the kitchen, but Gemma completely ruined the moment.”

“I’m sorry I ran away, I was just—“ “No need to apologize. I guess it all played out well after all, right?” he smirks and you can’t help but chuckle.

“I guess,” you breathe out and the smile slowly fades from your lips. “And now what?” you ask quietly, staring up at him.

“Now… We’ll try to make things work. Test the waters. I’m very serious about this, Y/N,” he tells you. “I’ve been waiting for this my whole life so I’m not gonna let go of you now.”

“You have no idea how happy this is making me,” you choke out feeling the tears forming in your eyes.

“Oh Love, please don’t cry,” he begs and leaning down he kisses your tears away. “I’m right here, with you. Sorry it took me so long you get here, but I’m here now.”

“I know,” you huff blinking away the tears as you pull him down and press your lips to his. “I love you, Harry,” you whisper against his perfect lips. You feel him exhale sharply as he keeps kissing you before he lifts his head so your eyes meet again.

“I’ve always loved you.”

 Thank you for reading, let me know what you thought about it!

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

heated, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: An (innocent?) conversation about D/s dynamics accidentally leads to you confessing that you think about your childhood best friend while getting off. To your childhood best friend, Jeon Jungkook. Erm. This is after he told you that you would be “an awful sub”, btw.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language, discussions about adult topics; reader is bisexual; smut (fem reader, dry humping, fingering, [tiny bit] m-receiving oral, penetrative sex); fluffy af; non-idol!AU; F2L; softdom!Jungkook x softbrat!reader; you kind of have a forearm kink and you never let Jungkook have his lovey-dovey moment, whoops

MMA 2020 ‘ON’ Jungkook? Yeah. That one.

--

“I could never be a sub.”

You clicked rapidly as you spoke, mashing the right button on your mouse. It was quite loud, paired with your mechanical keyboard.

“Why not?”

The music coming from Jeon Jungkook’s smartphone was a rhythm game, nearly as loud as you, since he was grunting angrily at it. It was very obvious when he missed a beat.

“I can’t imagine that being me, you know?”

You, on the other hand, were on your computer, playing with the new items in League of Legends from the latest patch. Using the practice tool, you had loaded up your favorite champion, Jhin, the Virtuoso, and messed with various builds, trying to find the best combination. So far, Lethality was feeling pretty good.

“Like why would I ever let my pleasure be handled by someone else?” you mused, reading the high damage numbers of each shot. Oh, the fourth shot felt nice. “That sounds stupid.”

Jungkook rolled over on your bed, growling in his throat as the level ended. He restarted it, trying to get a better score. “Maybe people like to let go sometimes. You know, not always be in control.”

You snorted. “I could never trust someone else with my body.”

“You got an alien body or something?”

“Shut up, Jungkook.”

“No.”

“Fine.”

“Anyway,” Jungkook continued, ignoring your outburst. “I didn’t ask if you could be a sub, I just asked what you thought of domination and submission as a dynamic in general.”

You shrugged, trying to see if you could do Baron alone. Welp, you needed lifesteal, of course. “I mean, I’ve tried it in various situations. I was never the sub.”

“Kinky.”

“Shut up, Jungkook.”

“No.” Jungkook suddenly sat up, excited that he achieved a higher score. “Look, look. I got ninety-eight.”

You craned your head to look at his phone screen. “Why isn’t it one hundred? You’re a disgrace to this family.”

He bopped you on the nose with his phone. “If I was part of your family, your family would be even more dysfunctional than it is now.”

You rubbed your nose and looked up at him. “How much gel did you use in your hair? You look like a wet dog.”

Jungkook’s eyebrows went up and he touched his long black hair. “It’s not crunchy though.” He grabbed your hand and lowered his head, placing your palm on his slicked back hair. “See?”

You pulled your hand back, staring at your palm. “Still feels weird though. I call sorcery.”

He shrugged, creaking the black leather jacket he was wearing. He wore a black t-shirt under it. The black jeans he had been wearing were on your bed, swapped for the black joggers he kept at your place. You weren’t really sure why he left the jacket on. Maybe he was cold or something. It was pretty cold in your apartment. You were wearing fleece green pajamas with Pikachu all over them.

“You want me to turn the heat up?” you said, gesturing to his jacket.

Jungkook looked down at his chest. “Eh. It’s fine. Saves you money.”

You shrugged, getting up from your chair, leaving the League client open. “You’re only staying a little while, right? Party to go to and all that?”

Jungkook followed you as you left your room. “Told you it was cancelled, so I was just going to sleep over. No reason to go back home.”

You turned around, walking backwards. “When did you say it was cancelled?”

Jungkook raised his dark eyebrows. “Literally when I walked in your apartment.”

“Hah.”

You turned back around and went to your fridge, grabbing an aloe juice. Jungkook went to your water kettle, hunting for hot chocolate among your tea packets.

“You’d make an awful sub anyway,” Jungkook said, returning to the original subject as he filled the kettle with water from your filtered sink faucet. “Like, probably the fucking worst.”

You took a large swig and glared at him. “Alright, first of all, you wouldn’t even–”

“You’re terrible with authority.”

You paused. “Okay, true.”

“You’re angry, twenty-four, seven.”

You walked up to him and slapped him in his very hard pecs. He gestured at his chest, as if to indicate, exhibit A.

“And you’re super uptight.”

“I am not uptight.”

“Control freak.”

“That’s–”

Jungkook turned around and placed the kettle on its stand. You swooped in with a Pikachu-themed kitchen towel and wiped the excess water away, scowling. Jungkook raised his eyebrows at you, brown eyes laughing.

“That’s literally a safety hazard!” you exclaimed, waving the towel at him.

Jungkook rolled his eyes and pressed the button to start heating the water. “Haven’t you ever just… not freaked out over every little thing? Done something spontaneous and stupid?”

You placed the kitchen towel back in its proper place. “No, because that would be spontaneous and stupid, Jeon Jungkook.”

He leaned against the counter, watching you perfectly fold the towel into three parts and hang it on the rail. He scratched his nose, shaking his head. “You should be more like me.”

“Having the police called on you because you were standing on a lawn chair tooting a party horn at four in the morning?”

“That was one time! Stop bringing it up,” Jungkook groaned.

You raised your hands in innocence. “Well, I was the one called to pick you up because you literally couldn’t remember any other number and I was very disturbed on New Year’s Eve, where I should have been peacefully sleeping and not hauling your drunk ass across town.”

Jungkook sighed exaggeratedly. “I’m sorry, okay? I won’t drink that much again. Jimin made me do shots–”

“You always blame Park Jimin,” you interjected, smiling. “Jimin’s the kind of guy who only wears clothes to take them off.”

“Well, it gets him laid, so I guess it’s working.”

The kettle whistled noisily, cutting through the conversation. You took a sip from your aloe juice as Jungkook grabbed a mug from your cupboard and poured the hot chocolate powder into it.

“You want some milk?”

He looked up. “You have milk?”

You went to the fridge and took out a small carton. “Because you said you were coming.”

“Aw, what a sweetie.”

“Shut up, Jungkook.”

“No.”

That’s how it was with you two. Growing up together was the same conversation over and over of you constantly saying shut up and Jungkook always replying with no. If both your dads hadn’t been such good friends, you probably wouldn’t have been able to tolerate him. Since they were, you were forced to, which turned out to be okay, since it turned out you had similar interests in games and such. It drifted apart a bit when you two entered high school, but you two reconnected once university started.

The dysfunctionality Jungkook was referring to was your two older sisters, who both got pregnant out of wedlock and thus caused a lot of tension between them, your parents, and you, the one who hadn’t actually done that yet. And you were trying to keep it that way.

Jungkook poured half-water and half-milk, stirring it with a silver spoon he found in your drawer. You lived alone, having gotten a full scholarship to be able to pay for tuition, meals, and part of a small apartment. Your parents paid for the rest – another point of strain between you and your sisters. That’s why you kept your grades up and rarely went out.

“When was the last time you fucked a guy?”

You sucked the inside of your cheek. “Dunno. Maybe two years ago.”

Jungkook raised his eyebrows and took a long sip. “So, only girls, huh?”

You tilted your head and sighed. “They don’t get you pregnant.”

“Neither does a condom.”

“That’s a ninety-eight percent chance, not one hundred.”

He licked the excess off his pink lips. He looked like he wanted to say something, but reconsidered, taking another sip before replying. “You don’t miss dick?”

“I mean, a dildo is a dick.”

Jungkook nearly spat out his hot chocolate. You snatched your Pikachu towel again and threatened him with it. He raised a hand, coughing.

“A dildo is not a dick,” he hacked out. “You insult me.”

“Hmph.” You turned back around and placed the Pikachu towel back in its place, making sure the graphic was perfectly centered.

“You tell your parents?”

You narrowed your eyes. ‘Why the fuck would I tell my parents that I fuck girls instead of guys to avoid getting pregnant?”

He shrugged. “Give them peace of mind?”

“You think too highly of the generation before us.”

Jungkook gave you a weird look. “So… you’re just using them?”

“No.” You paused. “Okay, maybe a little, but it’s not because they’re girls. I guess I haven’t found someone who understands me yet.”

He took a long, noisy sip of hot chocolate. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“No one can understand you if you only fuck once and drop them.”

“Wouldn’t you fucking know,” you replied irritably.

“Now, I fuck multiple times before I realize it’s not going to work out,” Jungkook countered.

You shoved your bottle of aloe juice back into your fridge. Suddenly, you weren’t thirsty anymore.

“Is that the only reason?”

You closed the fridge door.

“Reason for what?”

“Is fear of pregnancy the only reason you fuck girls?”

“I don’t know!” you shouted, throwing your hands up. You spun around, blowing hot air. “I don’t fucking know why I do it, Jungkook. I don’t know why I load up dating apps to only hook up with girls, I don’t know why I don’t try to get into relationships with them, I don’t know what is wrong with me and why I can’t give anyone a chance and I don’t know why you pop up in my head every time I try to fucking masturbate! It is annoying and I do not like it, so I try to get off with someone else!”

Your chest was heaving with exertion and annoyance, hand curled onto a fist and planted on your kitchen counter, glaring at the space past Jungkook’s head, muscle twitching in your cheek. Your heart was beating so fast it didn’t feel real.

Silence.

“Fuck you, Jungkook.”

And then you turned around, stalking back to your bedroom.

Or would have, if you didn’t hear the clink of the mug touching the kitchen counter and Jungkook grabbing your upper arm, yanking you back, slamming you against his muscular body. You hissed, staring into his chest.

“Let me go.”

“Hold on a second.” You watched Jungkook take a deep breath, his toned, tan skin rising and falling. The silver necklace on his collarbones flashed as he breathed. “Just hold on a damn second.”

Your eyes were on the low neckline of his black shirt. It felt weird being close to him. Not that you two haven’t been physically close, because you had. But it had never been like this. Since you realized he wouldn’t leave your mind every time you tried to masturbate. Since you started looking to other people to push him out. Since you were sure that it was not just a passing thought, not just your brain playing tricks on you. And being this close to him now, you understood.

And it scared you.

“You cannot dump all that on me and expect me not to react,” Jungkook said quietly.

“Shut up, Jungkook.”

“No,” he snapped. He grabbed both your upper arms and shook you violently, making you jerk your head up to blink at him. Jungkook furrowed his brows, his dark eyes glaring at you, jaw clenched tightly. “I will not shut up. Why should I shut up? I should shut you up.”

And then he kissed you.

Your eyes widened. Jungkook’s pink lips were on you. You. On your lips, pressed firmly against them, gripping you so tight you were losing feeling in your arms. You tore back, stumbling, touching your lips, shoulders shaking, not sure why your heart was beating out of your chest, not sure why your lips tingled and wanted more, not sure why Jungkook slowly opening his eyes and flickering to you made your knees knock together uncomfortably.

“What are you doing?” you sputtered. “You don’t even… what…?”

“I’m kissing you,” he growled, walking up to you and pinning you against the counter. “I’m fucking kissing you because you want me to.”

“I don’t…”

“Just shut up, please.”

And then Jungkook kissed you again, harder this time, pressing you against the kitchen counter, hands coming up and taking you by the waist, pulling you to him and his leather jacket, him and his black shirt, breathing your name into your lips, your hands grabbing his t-shirt and yanking him to you, gasping into his mouth. And you wanted to say, no, no, you weren’t supposed to know, but it was too late because you were shoving his leather jacket off, grasping his shoulders, fingers pressing into his hard muscles, sliding down his biceps.

You yanked your head back and his hand came up to grab it back, kissing you more, more, tongue licking your lips, hissing your name, grinding his hips against yours. Your hand came up in between you two, stopping him, stopping him and his insatiable lips.

“You have to s-say–” You moaned, feeling him harden against your fleece pajamas. “You have to say it.”

“Say what?” Jungkook muttered impatiently, kissing your hand, speaking into your palm.

“Say you’re okay with it,” you gritted out as he rolled his crotch into yours.

“Obviously I’m okay with it,” he grumbled. “Why else am I humping you in your kitchen?”

“You said I’m a c-control freak,” you groaned, throwing your head back as Jungkook slid his hands down to your ass and squeezed it, grinding against you.

“You are,” he grunted. “You can’t let go, you can’t enjoy yourself, you can’t even tell me you like me so I can fucking fuck you already, instead of me cancelling my parties so I can spend time laying on your bed and staring at you playing video games wondering when you’re going to fucking notice that I want to bang you.”

“What?” you replied breathlessly.

Jungkook rolled his eyes. “You’re so busy controlling your own life that you don’t even notice the people around you anymore.”

“What?” you repeated again as Jungkook hoisted you up by your ass and began to walk, forcing you to grab him by the shoulders and stare down his right arm, the fully tattooed one with flowers and script and the tiny circle with angry slits for eyes and a frown on the inside of his elbow, the one Jungkook said was for you and you had slapped him in the chest and told him to shut up.

“Let me take over for once,” he mumbled, placing his chin on your shoulder and nudging you with his head and his non-crispy but still not quite soft dark hair.

“You said I would be an awful sub.”

Jungkook dumped you on the bed, shooing you upwards. You didn’t move, frowning at him. He sighed dramatically.

“You would. You are,” he corrected, planting a hand on your chest and pushing you down, bouncing you against your Pikachu bedsheets. He sandwiched your arms at your sides and straddled your torso. The bed bowed far too low and you almost slid off. Hurriedly, you scooted upwards and Jungkook followed, unbothered.

“You said I’m terrible with authority.”

Jungkook wrestled your arms back down and pinned them with his strong thighs. “You are.”

“You said I’m angry, twenty-four, seven.”

He cocked his head, slowly unbuttoning your pajama shirt. “Still true.”

“And you said I’m uptight,” you added ruefully, pouting.

Jungkook shrugged, reaching in between his legs to unbutton he last few ones. “I’ll fuck it out of you.”

“Jungkook!”

“What?”

He paused, towering above you, eyebrow raised. His black hair curled around his ears, against his silver hoops and base of his neck. His dark eyes pierced down at you, tiny mole under his lips clearly visible from this position. You could see the bottom of his sharp chin, the black t-shirt clinging to his chest, the shape of his tan arms, one tattooed, one not, from below.

“Y-you’re pinching my right arm…”

Jungkook looked down, moving his left leg. “Sorry.”

You winced, pulling out your left arm to rub the other. He tapped your forearm impatiently with his finger.

“You’re ruining the moment,” he scolded.

“You ruined it by bruising me,” you shot back, backing up to your pillows on your elbows, grimacing as you soothed your arm.

“I’m going to bruise you more if you keep being a little brat,” Jungkook growled, following you on hands and knees, the neckline of his t-shirt hanging down, revealing way too much of his skin. Your eyes widened and you slipped, a white plush Poro bonking you in the head. He grabbed it and tossed it aside, the poor guy rolling on the floor.

“That’s very rude,” you muttered, but he was over your body now, breathing hard, staring down your now open shirt and the curve of your breasts into your black bra.

“Why do you get hotter every year?”

You raised an eyebrow. “I… don’t?”

Jungkook shoved the sides of your pajama shirt apart impatiently, reaching under your back and pinching the bra clasp, undoing it with one hand.

“Yes, you do,” he exhaled hotly. “Every year you get prettier and prettier and it pisses me off so much that I have to work out to look half as good as you.”

You felt your ears and cheeks get hot. “Well… you do look very, erm, good.”

“You’re very convincing,” Jungkook chuckled darkly, pushing your bra up and sucking in his lower lip as he revealed your hard, quivering nipples.

Your eyes shifted away from his hungry eyes. “I, uh… am very wet.”

A single, perfectly shaped eyebrow ticked. “Show me.”

“Um…”

He lifted himself off you, pointing down.

“Show me,” Jungkook commanded.

You tried to move your arms and found them tangled in your clothes. You frowned and shrugged out of your pajama shirt, chucking it and your bra aside, before gripping the waistband of your green fleece pants. You hesitated and looked back at Jungkook, who just flapped his hand downwards, giving you a neutral expression.

You puffed your cheeks and raised your hips, yanking your pants and panties down your thighs. You had to bend your legs a bit to fully take them off since Jungkook’s knees were on the outside of your thighs.

Now you were fully naked in front of your childhood best friend. And he was still fully clothed.

“Er, aren’t you going to–”

Jungkook cut you off. “You still haven’t shown me.”

You blinked at him. “What do you want me to do, become a fucking pretzel?”

Jungkook shrugged. “Any way you can prove to me you’re wet.”

You narrowed your eyes. “Fucking…” You bent your right leg and slid it up between his thighs, brushing against his sweatpants and feeling his hard-on for a hot second before you jammed your leg into your chest and lifted it out, pressing your thigh against your torso and raising your calf into the air. You turned your head to the left, letting out an exasperated huff.

“There. You see it?”

Shit, this position was embarrassing for some reason. You could feel cold air on your dripping pussy. Maybe he couldn’t see or something. You lifted your right arm to wrap around your thigh, pressing it down against your breasts since Jungkook wasn’t saying anything.

“That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Jungkook breathed.

“Okay, going to put my leg do–”

You gasped, suddenly feeling Jungkook’s fingertips touch your heated core, smearing your juices around the lips, his hot breath against your ear as he touched you. You shuddered as he stroked your folds, your name on his lips, his lips kissing your ear.

“Had to touch you,” he whispered against your neck, tone desperate. “I’m sorry, I just had to touch that beautiful pussy, all wet and slopping for me.”

Your eyelids fluttered as his middle finger found your clit, pressing on it. “J-Jungkook… That’s my…”

He chuckled deep in his throat. “Yeah? That’s your what?”

Slow, lazy circles, pushing it around, moan leaving your lips. “My c-clit…”

“Want me to touch it?” Jungkook purred. “Want me to handle your pleasure?”

But he as already touching it, nursing the sensitive bundle of nerves and rousing your lust, igniting it and setting it on fire.

“Y-yes…”

He kissed down your neck, whispering softly, licking your collarbones. “You trust me? You trust me with this pretty, perfect, hot, sexy, fuckable body?”

You arched your neck, giving him more access as he ran his pink lips all over, rubbing your clit, mouth on your throat. Your whole body shook, hips rolling into his finger.

“Y-yes…”

His breath so electrifying that you could barely focus, barely speak as Jungkook’s other hand came up behind your head, long fingers burying into your hair, holding tight, so tight it almost hurt, teeth nipping at your skin.

“Want to mark you,” he mumbled. “Want to give you a big fat hickey you can’t explain, want to bruise you so bad you’ll be staring at it for weeks, thinking about my lips on you, remembering my teeth gave you that.”

He pressed another finger to your clit, increasing the pace, and all you could do was hiss out a yes, a burning yes, a pleading yes, please, Jungkook, whining as his teeth sank into the spot where your shoulder and neck connected, sucking hard, his tongue licking away the prickling pain. His hips rolled into your thigh, his hard cock pressing against you, straining against his pants.

Jungkook moaned into your skin, so hot, so intense, rubbing your aching clit faster, harder, more urgently. Sucking and humping your leg as the feeling of his teeth and his fingers overwhelmed you, one hand clutching his shirt and one hand curled into your sheets as your thighs shook, trying to close but unable to because Jungkook was so strong, so there, so overpowering that you could only lay there and take it, take it as his name poured out of you in a breathless wail, throwing your head back as you felt your pussy clench around nothing, your juices becoming slicker, thicker, the scent of your orgasm staining the air.

He shoved the two fingers inside you and unlatched his mouth, moaning with you as he felt you squeeze his fingers, pumping you in long, slow strokes, all the way to his knuckles. You whimpered, tightening your core and Jungkook moaned again, eyes closed, his hair in disarray as you fucked his hand, clamping your hands on his right forearm, gasping at the feel of his muscle. Pussy throbbing around his fingers, hips meeting his knuckles over and over.

His eyes opened, watching your fuck yourself with his hand, an almost bored expression on his features, but you didn’t care because you felt him flex his fingers and his arm, telling you to continue, telling you he liked it.

“I thought you were going to let me do it.” Jungkook’s voice was low, trying to stay even despite his shallow breathing. “Have to control everything, don’t you?”

You caught your lower lip in your teeth, eyes moving to his face, his handsome, angular face with his black hair curled around his forehead and his cocked eyebrow, smirk on his lips.

“I’m not in control,” you panted. “Your forearm is…”

Jungkook flexed it under your hand and you moaned pathetically, breath hitching.

His smirk grew wider.

“It’s getting you off touching it.”

You swallowed, close, so close and Jungkook was taunting you and for some reason you couldn’t tell him to shut up, because he kept tensing his arm and it was so fucking hot that you really were going to orgasm.

“Say it,” he purred, breathing your name. “Tell me you like my forearm.”

Your eyes shifted down to his arm in your hands, the tiny angry face tattoo in his inner elbow frowning at you.

“I fucking love it, Jungkook,” you gasped. “Fuck, I love your delicious, sexy-as-fuck forearms.”

He grinned and began to thrust his fingers into you, fast, so fast you couldn’t even fathom how he could be that fast like a fucking vibrator, sending torrents of pleasure through you and his arm was so hard and his skin so soft that your eyes rolled back into your head, moaning his name far too loud. Jungkook placed a hand over your mouth and you screamed into it, liquid gushing down your thighs, but he didn’t stop, he kept going until you felt it again, pussy throbbing, back-to-back, eyelids fluttering, nails digging into his arm as the crescendo slammed into you, taking your breath and senses away, lost only in the feeling of Jungkook’s secure presence above you.

He slowed, breathing hard. Gently, carefully pulling his fingers out of your pulsating pussy, gasping as he removed his hand. You vaguely heard Jungkook place his fingers in his mouth, sighing wantonly at your taste.

“You taste so good,” he whispered around his fingers. “Fuck, so sweet and thick and delicious.”

Your brain could not compute what the fuck was happening. Did Jungkook just give you three mind-blowing orgasms in a row after you exploded at him and admitted to thinking about him while masturbating?

Holy shit.

He pressed his face into your hair, inhaling your scent.

You swallowed thickly.

“Jungkook, do you, ah… want something too?” you asked quietly.

You heard him snicker. “If I take my clothes off, I’m going to want to put my dick in you.”

“… I’m cool with that.”

“I thought a dildo was the same as a dick?”

You cleared your throat. “Ah… Well, I didn’t think you’d want to put a dick in me.”

Jungkook laughed. “If I had five dicks, I’d put them all in you.”

“Erm… mathematically speaking, that doesn’t really work…”

“Shut up.”

Jungkook sat up, looking down at you with a smile. The same smile he always had, but a little different now, because he didn’t have to hide his attraction to you anymore.

“You really let me put it in you?”

You narrowed your eyes. “With a ninety-eight percent chance, only.”

His smile became mischievous. “That’s not one hundred percent.”

You puffed your cheeks.

“I’ll take the two percent chance for you and only you, Jungkook.”

He grinned and turned around, throwing himself to the end of the bed where his jeans were barely holding on. Fishing through the pockets, retrieving the foil packet from the back pocket. You blinked at him.

“How long has that been–”

Jungkook gave you a silencing look. “I bring a new one every time I come over, in hopes you become drunk enough to sit on my dick.”

You blinked at him. “What.” Not a question, just you stating it.

“Because you’re paranoid.”

You frowned. “I’m not–”

He launched himself over the bed and silenced you with a kiss, deep and longing. You leaned into it, breathing softly, tongue against his, pressing back against him. Jungkook drew back slowly, thumb on your cheek. Eyes looking into yours, careful and tender.

“I don’t want you to worry,” he said against your lips. “I’ll do anything you want. I know it’s not easy for you. I know you’re not ready for the million babies I want from you.”

“I can’t have a million babies. It’s not scientifically possible,” you interjected.

Jungkook narrowed his eyes. “Can you just let me have one romantic moment?”

“Erm, sorry.”

“You want me to have a damn vasectomy or something? Because I’ll fucking do it. That shit’s reversible.”

“No, that kind of requires more time and I’m pretty horny for your dick right now. Condom will do.”

He sighed, rolling his eyes. “You are a shitty sub.”

“I will do better after I’ve had the dick.”

Jungkook straightened and yanked his black t-shirt over his head. “No, you won’t.”

Your eyes roamed over his toned chest. Damn, he was ripped. Maybe he was insecure about you being hot or something, but you were certainly benefiting. “You never know?”

Jungkook sent you a pained look and pressed a hand to your chest, shoving you back into your bed. “I’ve known you way too long to believe those words coming out of your mouth.”

You were going to reply, but he ran his hand over your chest, inhaling sharply as he brushed against your nipples. He ran his fingers over them, squeezing a little. You whined, trying to get more, but Jungkook pressed his palm down on your breast, breathing hard.

“Listen, woman, I’m about to explode in my damn underwear. Stop sounding so sexy this instant.”

Your eyes found his, pupils blown wide, lips pursed, and jaw tight. Your lips parted a little, tongue peeking out, a soft moan of his name emitting from your throat. You saw a muscle in his eyebrow twitch. He looked like he wanted to throttle you, at least a little bit.

You grinned.

Jungkook narrowed his eyes.

“You are lucky you’re cute,” he muttered. “And lucky I want to be in this pussy more than I want to be alive.”

“Don’t you ne–”

Jungkook planted his hand on your mouth. “The only words I want to hear out of you are, “Fuck me harder” or my own name, you got that?” he snarled, pressing his hand into your face for emphasis.

You nodded quickly.

He sighed, almost in relief, and yanked his pants and underwear down, wincing. There was a large wet spot on his boxer briefs, strings of pre-cum clinging as he pushed it down his muscular thighs.

“You made me a giant mess,” he muttered, eyes flickering up to you. “What do you have to say?”

You blinked at him and gave him a thumbs up.

He grinned. “You do know how to listen.”

In truth, you couldn’t say anything because you were breathlessly staring at Jungkook’s thick cock, red head glistening with pre-cum, dripping everywhere. You slid down quickly, startling him, and wrapped your lips around the head, moaning as his strong taste invaded your mouth. He hissed, gritting his teeth as your tongue swiped around, licking his length all over, feeling the veins and contours, memorizing them.

“F-fuck,” he gasped. “You wanted to clean me up that bad?”

Your eyes traveled up his abs, his pecs, his neck, to his face, giving him your best imploring look. He smirked, placing a hand on your forehead, and gradually, with great effort, pulled out of your tight mouth. Tight because you sucked in your cheeks, not wanting to let him go, but Jungkook was stronger than you. You frowned, but he shooed you away.

“I allowed it this one time. Now back to your spot.”

You backed up, tsking as you watched him roll down the condom, groaning as it covered him.

“I’m actually glad I have this fucking condom,” Jungkook muttered, glaring at you.

You couldn’t say anything, so you spread your legs. His eyes dropped down and he bit his lower lip, crawling to you, grabbing your thighs. Placing himself right in front of your soaked entrance, staring down at your pussy as he guided himself, sinking into you.

“Holy fuck,” he gasped, squeezing his eyes shut.

You moaned, feeling Jungkook’s cock stretch you out, so different from a silicone dildo or multiple fingers, because it was Jeon Jungkook praying for air as you clenched around his length, his cries of pleasure as he rocked his hips into you. Those long nights with your vibrator and his Instagram open on your phone were incomparable to his cock molding to your walls, his hard hips finally hitting your thighs, all the way in, and it was so good that you throbbed around him, shuddering.

“J-Jungkook…” you pleaded.

“I know,” he panted, hands gripping your knees tight. “I know, but give me a second to appreciate this pussy, holy fuck.”

He jerked his cock inside you and you cried out, definitely crushing your sheets, but Pikachu had seen a lot by now and there was only going to be more.

Jungkook finally began to slide out and push back in, groaning, starting slow and deep because quite frankly he needed to last more than five seconds and your pussy was not letting up. You had too much control over your vaginal muscles and he was too into you to not be hugely turned on by it, shoving your legs up higher so he could go deeper, feel more of you surround him and massage his length.

“H-harder…” you whimpered. “Please, Jungkook, fuck me harder…”

And how could Jungkook say no to that? Begging so perfectly, with just the right amount of desperation, and you didn’t even know it was driving him insane, because he knew normally you were so wound up, always worrying about being perfect, always worrying about doing the right thing, but now you were unraveling on his cock as he bent down and put more force into it, pounded you harder, watching the ecstasy in your eyes, your mouth opening and tongue peeking out, hot breath in his face. Knuckles white as you clutched the sheets, pleasure radiating up his length as you came with a cry, his name, his name on those perfect lips, lips he always watched with envy, wondering who had them, wondering who was so lucky to capture them.

And now it was just him, just him and you, and his hips slapping into your hips, pussy nearly choking his cock, but it felt so good, so fucking euphoric as you fucked him back, raising your hips to meet his, loud, wet, and lewd, probably causing a ruckus next door. But neither of you cared, your names mixing together, your eyes staring to Jungkook’s piercing brown ones, hot pleasure radiating up your stomach, your chest, to your head and there was no one else.

No one else but Jungkook’s name tumbling out of your mouth as the wave soared into you, pussy spasming as you came again, unsure at what number it was, but it was the one Jungkook wasn’t prepared for and he groaned, smacking into you one last time before you felt his cock throb and pulse against your walls, spilling into the condom. You gasped at the feeling, clenching around him, his right hand reaching over to grasp yours and hold it tightly, intertwining your fingers.

“W-wow…” you whispered breathlessly. “Nice cock.”

Jungkook burst out laughing. “You’re unbelievable.” He reached down and gingerly felt around in your dripping folds, finding the end of the condom and pulling out carefully.

“Fuck. It’s so much,” he gulped, brows knitted in worry.

You waved a hand. “It’s fine. I finished my period yesterday. Likelihood of you getting me pregnant is pretty low.”

Jungkook jerked his head towards you.

“Why the fuck didn’t you say that sooner?” he roared, slapping your leg. “I was scared shitless over here!”

You placed your hands over your ears. “So loud. Shut up, Jungkook.”

“No!”

--

masterpost

[daisiesonafield-blog]

I often see Zayn's sisters liking posts by Harry or about Harry on IG. Do you think the boys have all made up? They do it often but I only see them like stuff about Harry and not the other boys so maybe they're just fans and like his music. Some time ago one posted an instastory with a throwback pic of Zayn's sisters with Harry, so maybe just fans but I'd like to think all the boys made up in private.

Hi dear,

I think it's more likely they are fans, and them posting throwback pics is just them reminiscing about their childhood when their big brother was in the biggest band in the world. Like, they lived that too. From the sidelines, but they lived it. So it has nothing to do with Harry and Zayn's current friendship status. It's his sisters' lives, and they can reminisce and be fans of Harry regardless of Zayn or their friendship.

I think that them making up in private could be something that happened, but not in the sense they're bffs now. Just that they possibly let go of the beef. Louis adding Zayn again in 2020 seemed like an olive branch. But I doubt they're close bffs and that's ok. Zayn has obviously moved on from that time of his life, he doesn't seem too interested, but I don't think he has any malicious intent. It's just like with your old friends from school or college, you've moved on. I remember Niall saying something in 2020 about how Zayn is hard to keep in touch with for various reasons, which gave me the impression that he wasn't interested in fostering a friendship, and that he had his own life and issues to deal with.

As for Harry, I think it's clear from the small comments he's made previously that he and Zayn don't quite have a friendship anymore. Maybe they made up more recently, but I always got the impression that whatever went down really got to H on a deep level and that friendship was done from then on. There is a lot about what actually happened that we don't know, so it's hard to pinpoint anything. But I always thought that whatever ramifications from Zayn leaving and the fall out led to Harry and Louis being severely screwed over and H could not forgive that.

But whatever, I don't want to get into this can of worms now.

Also, like guys, it's ok they're not bffs anymore. It's life. Not everyone stays friends with who they were friends with 8-12 years ago. People move on and build new connections. It's just life.

[mgsapphire]

My K-drama recommendation master list Part 2

You can find part 1 here

Look, you gave us relatively new recommendations, what about ones older than 10 years? I'll give you my top 5

Princess Hours (2006) Is a modern Cinderella story. It's 24 episodes long. Available on Viki.

Personal Taste (2010) Honestly, problematic plot if you put your mind into it, but entertaining nonetheless. It's 16 episodes long, each one lasting a little over an hour, available on Viki.

Cinderella's Sister (2010) You hate every character, but there's still something that makes you watch it. Available on Viki.

Thank You (2007) was ahead of its time, it's about a single mother with a daughter who has an HIV+ diagnosis. 16 episodes long, each one lasting a little over an hour. Available on Viki.

Stairway to Heaven (2003) for a good melodrama.

What about romantic fantasies involving fantastic beings?

Guardian: The lonely and Great God(2016) A classic of the genre. It tells the story of a God who was once a man, and is being punished by immortality, unless he meets his bride, who just so happens to be a high schooler centuries later. Available on viki. 16 episodes long with 3 specials, all lasting about 75 minutes.

Hotel Del Luna (2019) it would be unfair to talk about Goblin, without talking about this other masterpiece about a being cursed into immortality and granted special availabilities along with it, but a curse is still a curse, and she must run a hotel meant for ghosts, where after centuries of being, meets a young man who is alive. Availability on Viki, 16 episodes long and each one lastz about 75 minutes.

Tale of the Nine Tailed (2020) You get to see Lee Dong Wook as another mystical being, and Kim Bum is his half brother. 16 episodes long and one special, each one lasting about 65 minutes. Available on Viki.

My roommate is a Gumiho (2021) what's up with gumihos? It's still airing. The title is self explanatory. Available on Viki and Qiyi.

Angel's last mission: Love (2019) is a cute and sad story about an angel who is about to ascend and a ballerina who has a cynical view of the world. Available on Viki. Each episode averages 30 minutes, with 32 episodes.

Doom at your service (2021) About to finish airing. It tells the story of a dying woman who wishes doom upon the world, and the doom who answers her plea. Available on viki, 16 episodes long, each one lasting about an hour.

The Scholar Who walks the night (2015) another Lee Joon Gi entry, but I swear all of his works are great, it's a period drama that tells the story of a scholar who is a vampire and the young bookseller he meets. It's 20 episodes long, each one lasting about an hour. Available on viki. Also, if you've liked Lee Soo Hyuk in Doom at Your Service, I advise you check this one out.

Tale of Arang (2012) two Lee Joon Gi entries in a row? Girl, you have to stop. Anyways, this one is another period piece of a magistrate who can see ghosts and the ghost of a young woman who doesn't remember her life, nor the cause of her death. Available on viki, it's 20 episodes long, each one lasting a little over an hour.

Look, those are fine or whatever, but I started as a K-pop fan, where can I see some idol dramas? Don't worry, I came prepared

Full House (2004) with Rain as the main character is the og idol drama in my opinion. Available on Viki. 16 episodes long, each one lasting about 73 minutes.

Imitation (2021) is currently airing, and it's literally an idol drama about idols. You can find a looot of idols too: Jeong Yun Ho and Park Seong Hwa from Ateez, Chani and Hwi Young from SF9, Park Ji Yeon from T-ara, Lim Na Young from I.O.I and Pristin, and although Jeong Ji So is not an idol, she is the main lead, and I absolutely love her, she's also in Doom at your service. Available on Viki.

Miss Panda and Mr. Hedgehog (2012) features Donghae from Super Junior, and if I'm going to recommend a Super Junior drama, I would rather recommend one featuring him over Siwon.

At a Distance the Spring is Green (2021) is currently airing too, and only has four released episodes, but I've liked it so far. Featuring Park Ji Hoon, and Kwon Dun Bin. Also, I have a lot of opinions about this show. Available on Viki.

I was going to put an IU drama but, all her dramas are good, so go and watch them all, the woman has range.

Dream High (2011) is the king of idol dramas, in my opinion. It talksa about a high school for people who want to be idols. Another one with a long line up of idols, so let me start: Suzy, IU, Taecyeon, Nichkhun and Wooyoung from 2PM, Ham Eun Jung from T-ara. Leeteuk (SuJu and Chansung (2PM) make cameos. Similarly to Imitation, Kim Soo Hyun is not an idol, but he's the main lead. It's 16 episodes long, each one lasting about 65 minutes. Available on Viki.

Wow, quite a few, but they all seem rather popular, do you have some underrated gems? I'm going to have to go down memory lane, but I do

The Queen's Classroom (2013) This one feels like a fever dream, because I'm aware it exists, I watched it back when it first aired, but I can't find it anywhere now. It's based on a Japanese drama of the same name. It's about a strict but warm hearted teacher and her students' lives and struggles. 16 episodes long. DM me if you find anywhere to watch it.

1% of Something (2016) is a really cute drama, the chemistry is off the charts, and if you're looking for skinship, this one is the one for you, underrated arranged marriage kdrama, I'm telling you. It's 16 episodes long, averaging 45 minutes, and it's on Viki.

I'm not a Robot (2017) has a really cute plot, not underrated per se, but not hyped enough. It's 32 episodes long, each one averaging 30 minutes. Available on Viki.

Do you like Brahms? (2020) is a music themed kdrama, really cute and wholesome. If you like 2setviolin and watched their critique on their YouTube channel, let me tell you, the cast actually knows how to play violin and stuff, and there's an actual child prodigy in there. It got so much hate bc of that one yt video. It's 16 episode long, each one lasting about an hour. Available on Viki.

Solomon's Perjury (2016) a good reflection on youth and the pressure society has. 12 episodes long, lasting about 63 minutes each. Available on Viki.

The Greatest Love (2011) is a super entertaining TV show, and just supper funny and cute. 16 episodes long, each one lasting around 65 minutes. Available on Viki.

Two Cops (2017) if you like Kim Seon Ho, I think this was his TV acting debut. It's a hilarious action comedy TV show. 32 episodes long, lasting around 30 minutes. Available on viki.

Do you have any recommendations where time traveling or time is central to the story?

Alice (2020) look, I can't give you a full explanation because it's too mind bending. Let's leave it at detective meets his mother. Available on Viki.

Signal (2016) The premise is similar to that of the movie Frequency (2000) in which there's communication between the past and the present via technology. The plot is based on the real Hwaseong serial murders. Really interesting. Available on Netflix. If you like the premise of communicating with the past via technology Call (2020) is a Korean thriller movie available on Netflix.

Chicago Typewriter (2017) this one is about reincarnation but we get to see both timelines. Available on Netflix.

Tomorrow with you (2017) Time-traveling but make it ✨depressing ✨. The story of a man who time travels, and how that ability messes with his marriage. Available on Netflix.

What about historical dramas? I don't really watch those, but here are some I liked

The Moon Embracing the Sun (2012) is one of the few I've finished. It's really good, it follows the love story of a king. Available on viki. 20 episodes long, each one lasting about an hour.

Gunman in Joseon (2014) Am I recommending you this one because of Lee Joon Gi? Maybe. It has 22 episodes, each one lasting about an hour. Available on Viki.

The Crowned Clown (2019) a story of the Prince and the Pauper if I must give you a description that is relatable, but if you know the book titled Skogland, it's closer to that. It's 16 episodes long, each one lasting about 80 minutes. Available on Viki.

I'm a little ashamed to say this, but do you have any BL? I do, I do

To My Star (2021) is a story about an actor and a chef, and how they learn to cohabit after the actor is forced into hiding. You can watch either the movie version or the drama version, both available on viki.

Color Rush (2020) is a modern romance fantasy about people called Monos who can't see any color unless they meet their Probes, however this may turn dangerous as the Monos may experience obsessive behavior, so what happens when a young high schooler meets his probe?. You can either watch it on its drama or movie version. Both available on viki. By the way, if you're a long time deobi and was wandering what happened to Hwall, he's one of the main leads.

You Make Me Dance (2021) follows the story of a university dancer who is in debt and his debt collector. Available on viki in both versions. The movie is 107 minutes long.

Just Friends (2009) is a short film, but ahead of its time, if you can't tell by the year it was released on. It's a cute story about a man who visits his boyfriend in the military. I found it in dramacool.

That's all from me, if you have any specific genre or them you felt I didn't add in, do feel free to tell me.