HIIII FINALLY WROTE SOMETHING
Summary:
It was well past midnight when Noel began to stir. Some movements and changing positions were usual for sleep, John had found, but the change in his breathing first alerted him that something was amiss. It became irregular, shallow huffs of air and a not fully realized groan, along with rustling of the sheets as Noel’s body curled into itself.
Slow as not to wake Arthur up, John crawled his arm to Noel’s hand and squeezed it – gently at first, to see if it would be enough to wake him. [...]
“Wha—What?” He mumbled under his quickened breath, and – John assumed – looked around before letting out a quiet ‘Oh’. John waved to him with a finger, making him chuckle breathlessly.
“Hi, John,” he whispered. “Did you wake me up?”
John imitated a nod, curling his forefinger twice.
“Thanks,” Noel breathed out. “Nightmares.”
---
or - Noel has a nightmare, John wakes him up, and they figure out a way to talk to each other without waking Arthur.
Nights were always a quiet time of contemplation for John. Sometimes there was a lot to think about, and once he’d started following a strand of thought, the entire night would pass in a blink. Other times, he’d be frustrated to no end with nothing to do, the world dark and quiet around him, save for Arthur’s steady breathing.
Those brought back memories of Arthur’s coma and the month he’d spent in the darkness of Arthur’s eyelids. Silent and helpless to do anything, apart from moving his arm – which he did not do often anyway in fear of alarming the nurse. Lily. During nights like these, he would imagine they were still in that hospital in Harper’s Hill, and that any minute now Lily would enter their room with a fresh and gentle ‘Hello, John”, and a smile on her face. He assumed.
This night, though, was different. They were at Noel’s place in New York, sleeping in Noel’s bed by his side. For the first time John didn’t just want to pass the time – he wanted to be in the moment, listening as both men relaxed, and their breaths slowed to a steady rhythm. His arm lay at Arthur’s side, close enough that he had hooked his fingers around Noel’s. He couldn’t see him, as Arthur had already closed his eyes, but Noel curled his fingers back silently.
It was… curious, to experience someone else touching his hand in such a fashion. Noel’s fingers were long and calloused, with fingernails cut short. His skin was warm, and John noted every slight movement and tremor in his hand as he slept. Throughout his time sharing Arthur’s body he had accustomed to how Arthur behaved during the night, but this was something else entirely.
It was well past midnight when Noel began to stir. Some movements and changing positions were usual for sleep, John had found, but the change in his breathing first alerted him that something was amiss. It became irregular, shallow huffs of air and a not fully realized groan, along with rustling of the sheets as Noel’s body curled into itself.
Slow as not to wake Arthur up, John crawled his arm to Noel’s hand and squeezed it – gently at first, to see if it would be enough to wake him. His shallow breaths did not change, and he gave no other indication of waking up.
With increasing force John began tapping his finger on Noel’s arm, hoping it wouldn’t alert Arthur. After a moment of this prodding, Noel gasped, his arm flinching away from John.
“Wha—What?” He mumbled under his quickened breath, and – John assumed – looked around before letting out a quiet ‘Oh’. John waved to him with a finger, making him chuckle breathlessly.
“Hi, John,” he whispered. “Did you wake me up?”
John imitated a nod, curling his forefinger twice.
“Thanks,” Noel breathed out. “Nightmares.”
John nodded with his finger again. There was a shuffle next to him as Noel adjusted his position in the bed, and for a moment silence fell upon them again, as he got his breathing under control. John expected him to go right back to sleep, but after a moment Noel laid his hand beside John’s.
“It never even crossed my mind,” Noel started quietly. “That you don’t sleep. What do you do all night?”
John wanted to laugh. He had no way of answering, so he just scooted his hand closer, again hooking his finger around Noel’s.
“Shame you can’t speak,” Noel said. “You should learn Morse code; you could tap out messages with your fingers. Or sign language – though I think that requires two hands.”
John tapped Noel’s hand twice in acknowledgement. He liked that idea a lot – being able to communicate with Noel without depending on Arthur to relay the message was a very enticing prospect.
An idea came to his mind that had him immediately tap Noel’s hand again. He moved to grab his palm and laid it flat on the bed. Noel did not protest.
Then, with his forefinger, John started drawing a letter on his skin.
“What are you…?” Noel wondered before letting out a gasp. “Oh! That’s an ‘S’?”
A nod with his finger and onto another letter.
“’L’. ‘E’. Yes, I got that—”
John shook his hand no. Then he stuck two fingers up.
“…Two?” He could picture Noel with his furrowed brow. “Oh, two ‘E’s? Gotcha.”
John barely started on the last letter before Noel piped up.
“Wait, are you telling me to sleep?”
John stopped and nodded.
“And here I thought you enjoyed my company,” Noel laughed and earned himself a jab with John’s finger. “I know, I know,” he sighed. “It’s… difficult. Sleeping after them.”
John touched his finger lightly on Noel’s palm. T. E. L. L. M. E. ?
“Ah,” Noel chuckled self-consciously. “It’s… the Dreamlands, mostly. Some of the scenarios the King would pull up to torture me… They stuck with me more than others, you know?”
John curled his finger again, rubbing Noel’s palm in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.
“But usually,” his voice got hoarse, quieter. “Usually I dream of Roland.”
Roland Cummings, the previous tenant of Arthur’s office back in Arkham. Noel’s – or Charlie’s – partner. John didn’t know much about him, even after the exposition Kayne had given them in that little pocket between time and space; he didn’t know what role he’d played in all of it, that the King sought out his associate to interrogate. That he’d imprisoned and killed what remained of him in the Dreamlands.
“We didn’t spend much time together in the Dreamlands,” Noel continued. “The King just wanted to show me it was really him before…” He trailed off with a sigh. “He was stubborn – probably the most stubborn man I’ve ever known.”
John could hear a small, sad smile in his voice.
“But he was strong, not just physically. When we first came into contact with this stuff, he didn’t panic. I did,” Noel let out a laugh. “He kept my head on straight when things would get tough. I remember I thought he was unbreakable.”
His voice trailed off wistfully, full of the bitterness of hindsight.
“But everyone breaks eventually. The Roland I saw in the Dreamlands…” Noel curled his hand around John’s – for comfort? “That one haunts my dreams. The hollow eyes full of pain and regret. The meager frame, less than a shadow of its former self. The fucking… gunshot wound in his forehead.”
He sighed. “First thing he said to me when we saw each other – you know what he said? He said, ‘I’m sorry’.” His voice started to crack. “He said, ‘I’m sorry you’re here too, Charlie.’ What was I supposed to say to that? Roland never apologised to me; he was too proud for that.”
John heard a sniffle, and Noel’s hand in his shook.
“I kept thinking the King was still fucking with me,” he continued in a shaky whisper. “I—I said that Roland would never let himself fall so low.” He let out a raspy, self-deprecating laugh. “So naive of me.”
Another sniffle and Noel tried to quietly clear his throat.
“At that moment I saw that my words had hurt him. He stopped trying to convince me, stopped apologizing. We were in an imagined version of the Arkham apartment and he sat down in his chair, looking off into space. Then he looked up at me and said ‘This too shall pass, Charlie’.” He huffed out a vacant laugh.
“That’s where the King drew the line,” he continued flatly. “I don’t know if he just grew bored or knew that it worked, but I started to realize this was indeed the real Roland. I didn’t have time to say anything though. I didn’t have time for anything.” His voice cracked again and he winced.
“He threatened us only once,” he whispered. “Roland looked to me with a spark of that old stubbornness and for a fraction of a second I had hope.” He chuckled. “Then the King killed him.”
John squeezed Noel’s hand.
“Shit,” he swore under his breath and rubbed his face with the other hand. “I’m sorry.”
In response, John just rubbed his thumb on his palm and coaxed it flat again.
I. M. S. O. R. R. Y.
“No, John, it’s—” Noel took a breath. “You’re fine, I told you.” He let out a laugh. “You saved my life. Hell, you woke me up from that nightmare. And you’re much better company by all accounts.”
S. T. I. L. L.
Another heavy sigh. “Yeah.”
The wind picked up outside the window, the trees rustling in the brief silence.
Y. O. U. L. O. V. E. D. H. I. M. ?
“I—” Noel started sharply but then immediately deflated. “Is it still so apparent?”
John tapped his hand twice, making him huff a laugh.
“I suppose I did,” he said. “In some manner. I... A part of me wishes I hadn’t left. For Egypt,” he confessed. “That I had stayed with him in Arkham. That maybe...” He trailed off with a slight snort. “But knowing fate, I’d just have gotten myself killed alongside him.”
John thought that he was glad things happened as they did if only for the fact that it allowed them to meet – and for once he was glad not to have a mouth to run. Instead, he kept lightly caressing Noel’s hand.
“Christ,” Noel sighed deeply. “I haven’t... Talked about this stuff with anyone before.”
John wished he knew how to convey his gratitude for the trust he was given through touch alone. He felt at a loss for how to get it across and it bothered him.
“Thank you, John,” Noel was none the wiser of the frustrations. His voice was slightly raw and small, but filled with affection. “It felt... good.”
G. O. O. D.
“Alright, enough of this sappy night talk,” Noel grunted as the sheets rustled with his movement. John suspected he laid back down as the covers shifted. “I’m exhausted.”
He crawled his arm up the bed and patted the pillows.
“Alright, alright.” Noel let out a content sigh. “Goodnight, John.”
At that moment Arthur stirred, a sleepy groan escaping his lips.
“John?” He mumbled, pulling the left arm up towards his chest.
Everything’s alright, Arthur. He said and surprised himself with how fond and content his voice sounded. Almost like... purring. Go back to sleep.
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