#slowly solidifying this whole universe . I love love love writing for it

[sporksaber]

This idea has not fully formed in my brain yet, but dpxdc time reversal isekai. This'll be a bit disjointed so bear with me.

Danny phantom and DC are the same universe to start with. Danny goes darkest timeline (not in the dan way. Dan is boring. He does not exist for this purpose) after years of being legally not human and trying to run from the giw while the organizations that should of helped didn't.

In the original timeline he is found out in some horrible way and has to run. He is kidnapped by the giw. He frees himself and finds himself entangled with the batfam. Everything goes wrong, his tenuous relationship with them gets super messed up as none of them are in a good place, and danny is slowly dying. Eventually it all gets broken off.

Danny, completing his journey into insanity, kind of destroyes the universe. And on a little related tangent, when writing these kind of stories all powerful characters are hard to deal with. Characters like clockwork give me the ick because their pulling at the strings robs the characters of their agency and they often fall apart when you look at them critically. So I'm nerfing clockwork. He can see all the timelines, he can watch over them and prevent major fuckery, but he isn't just able to meddle as he pleases.

Like I said, Dan doesn't exist and the whole bit never happened (originally I said that because it's a lame plotline but now it has real reasons) so Danny's never met clockwork. Clockwork takes the burst of power from danny going nuclear and reverses the time stream.

Danny wakes up on the day the event that leads his parents to find out happens. He's unable to avoid it as he's confused and dissriented with a bunch of strange thoughts and images making his head feel fit to burst, but does avoid the giw while running away.

Onto discussions of a main plot point: the romance bc it's always there with time reversal isekais (and with my fics in general tbh). As I'm thinking about it it's hard to decide bc I recently read a bunch that annoyed me into disliking them all and made me step away from the cross over for awhile. But as I was thinking of what to write I came to a decision. I already have one of these for Tim, having it be damian would make all the other characters older than him and it doesn't fit the vibe I'm going for to have danny surrounded by a bunch of adults when he isn't quite one, Jason just isn't fitting in my head rn, so I'm making it Dick. (I did also consider bruce, but I didn't...

The ages I'm going off of: bruce 37 (27), dick 21 (11), Jason 18 (8), Tim 15 (5), Damien 10 (fetus.)

I'm torn. I like the concept of Bruce being the love interest better but i dont know if i like it more than Dick. Like I said, this idea came to me and I immidiently opened a a draft. The idea is not solidified. And as I think more about it, maybe bruce would be better. Because with crossover ships you can slap the timelines together however you want you can change the ages and ship characters as you see fit. My initial reason for not considering bruce was the ages and wanting all the kids to be around for the plot. So I'm going to do the math.

Danny gets his powers at 14. Gets away with only monsters of the week to deal with for the first year. Giw gets new funding and becomes a consistent problem into when he's 16. It's manageable for awhile. I'm going to say he deals with it well enough for them to pull back and regroup around when he turns 17. Six months later and The Incident happens and he's outed. He runs and in his panicked gets captured by the giw.

My initial plan (initial meaning first thought that occurred less than an hour ago) was for him to be kidnapped long enough to be thoroughly traumatized but not super long. Like a few months. And I'd thought his freeing himself might have somthing to do with them kidnapping Jason or somthing. And if I stick to that Dick works really well and I feel like there's some really good content in dick and danny ending up together.

With Bruce I'd have to adjust the timeline more. Both for my batfam agenda and to make it not icky. If bruce is going to be in his mid thirties danny needs to be a minimum of his mid 20s. So I think if I were to go with Bruce I'd extend the kidnapped time to like 2 years (so Danny's like 20) and have him spend some time in the ghost zone before coming back to mess up the giw? I don't know. I'm going to have to write some stuff physically.

This has gotten out of hand and now I'm confused and my head hurts. I think the difference in the decision in unstable young adult danny vs unhinged adult danny in the original time line.

And the other thing I have to consider is not just main timeline but post rewind attempt 2 timeline and how those ages fall.

Dick is easier because it'd be easier to not have to handle that mess. I could have what I want without worrying about an age gap. And I think they could be really compelling. Especially with the idea of Dick seeking out Danny to help Jason, the brother he thinks he failed. Their relationship is originally a will they won't they as Dick has to deal with his family being a mess and desperately not wanting to lose anyone again while danny is in a limbo between who he is and if he's human. And it doesn't work out. It blows up in their faces as circumstances tear them apart and force them to let go of eachother. And you get the forbidden romance trope as batman doesn't trust danny. And then danny loses his shit and everyone dies before the rewind.

I think after the rewind they'd restart quieter. Danny searches out a familiar person after running away. Dick had just become nightwing and set up in bludhaven. Jason is 14 and hasn't died yet. Maybe they'd meet organically. Danny is drawn to Gotham and ends up in bludhaven while skirting around it. He meets the new vigilante who he knows but he also knows he doesn't (his core remembers. The core always remembers). Dick finds himself drawn to this haunted guy he keeps running into, maybe it's his savior complex, maybe it's somthing else entirely. He figures he's some kind of meta, jumpy from escaping someone's experiments.

Eventually Danny will remember Jason. Dick brings him up and Danny's filled with dread. Dick thinks his reaction is wierd. But Jason is eventually saved.

If I were to write it this way I think I'd have a couple of different mystery plot likes that connect thematically but aren't actually connected. (A nightwing vigilante based one of mob bosses or whatever, Danny's whole deal, what the giw is up to, where their money comes from and how that's gotten on the jl radar). But that's all on that for now.

To summarize: they have a very turbulent relationship initially. Dick will eventually be forced to chose the bats over danny. Danny has not properly healed from the giw and slowly spins out of control. After the rewind it's a lot of Dick solving mysteries as Danny tries to heal. The plot would be majorly driven by Dick, Danny's is mostly internal.

Back to the bruce concept (reminder that these two concepts are not connected at all).

The thing with time reversals is that you have to decide in the beginning whether or not the reversal is seperate from the main characters original timeline or if it's continuous. Are they the age they were pre reversal or the age they were reversed to? How much of it do they retain?

With the Bruce option I matched it to bruce being like 6 years older than danny. So pre reversal danny shows up to investigate bruce when his connection to the al ghuls (10yo damien) is established. Danny is 30, jaded, and less human than the other version. He's been warped in a way. The torture was longer and he recovered in the zone. A lot of his friends and family died.

Some relationship stuff happens, some al ghul caused demon stuff happens, the world is destroyed, time is reversed.

I'm fudging the previous timeline a bit. Danny's reveal happens at 19 while he's still in amity taking a gap year to weigh his dreams against his responsibilities. The Incident happens. He's kidnapped for a few years. Escapes durring an expierenment that allows him to slip into the zone. Dedicates himself to destroying the giw.

Danny post reversal retains skills and knowledge but is still his 19 year old self. He returns to the day of the incident, is confused, gets outed, dips but escapes the giw. Goes to Vlad and demands money, resources, and a contract that makes him heir without the downsides of his shady practices. It's important to not at this point, danny is basically bluffing. The kid has no idea what's going on or if it'll work, but he spooks vlad enough for him to agree now, plan how to spin it in his favor later.

So Danny takes a bit to decompress from that shitshow.

Flash forward, bruce wayne notices he has a bit of a (new) stalker problem. Some guy he doesn't know (and Brucie Wayne knows everyone) starts showing up at all his galas and the charity events he goes to. 20 year old Danny Fenton, heir to Masters Enterprises.

Cue Romcom.

This would have a drastically different tone from the other version. Very fun and much lower stakes.

Anyway I'm done for now. I hope you enjoyed this 2 hour unedited rant. Might expand on both separately, I like them both.

[fangirlingatstuff]

The Spiderverse x epic fanfic I'm writing has made a list of ideas in my head:

So we know Tara is Y/n's canon event right? Makes sense, and Ronin's clearly the police captian that has to die thats close to Spider-Man but this is where I came up with too many ideas

Idea A: Ronin doesnt Know Spiderman, Miguel does: Miguel is somewhat like a police captian by the idea of leader of authority he runs spider society, Ronin's not Y/n's canon event. Miguel is, he's the authority figure thats gotten close with Y/n- Spiderman.

Idea B: Ronin's Y/n's canon event and she knows it, some thing like Mile's situation, and when they show the whole "loss people" scene when explainin the idea of Canon, it shoots to Y/n, who's over Ronin's body: its already happened. How? That doesn't make sense what so ever? Right? No, it makes sense. She's known as a dimension hopper. It's part of her specific canon (starts with spider into the spiderverse when all the spidermans get stuck together yada yada she then goes to work with nature magic bs and science bs to make it across dimensions). But as Ronin argues it's already happened another spider steps out and is all like "no. It wasnt her canon event...it was mine." And there stands mf TARA from another universe. And guess what? SHE AGREES, Ronin has to go.

Idea C: Spot kills Tara, he's actually friends with Y/n from when she was shot into Mile's dimension. He takes her in, helps her recouppiorate her head. She hides that shes Spiderman of course. The collider goes off; Y/n goes after spot, but it sucked back into her dimension. They meet again only when spot kills tara and he's not realizing the grave mistake he's made He's not registering that Y/n's spiderman, but Y/n's register he killed Tara her mother. It's only when Y/n says it in anger does he start to register what he did. Y/n get's mad, just from her anger she brings down a tree, Spot's to quick to retreat. Miguel figures he could use this to solidify her as his daughter and uses her mental breakdown/physiological break against Ronin. Who's trying to be her father still but is an authority figure: so he kicks the bucket and Y/n's finally left to shreds, she get spot, but she'l hang up her suit afterwards, no more spiderman no more spider society, she just wants to be like her dad and help her people.

👀👀👀

All of them. At the same time.

This is amazing! Miguel and y/n angst and manipulation? Perfect! Maybe Y/n slowly figures out how Miguel and the spider society are sort of trying to manipulate her and she snaps? I’d love to see her getting into a fight with Miguel 👀👀

The boggans on the sidelines just like: …Wtf is going on????

Spiderwoman Tara is such a big brain idea oh my lord 😭😭 like she isnt already super badass, now we give her spiderperson powers? There’s no stopping her

[radical-h03]

I can barely see

the blue sky above the city buildings

that used to feel like daffodil trees

drowning us in unknowing,

enthusiasm and passion.

Coming from our small towns as

Former Gifted Kids,

told by adults

that we were wasting our potential—

but we were so excited to be starving artists!

I stare up at the universe engulfing me,

suffocating in my smallness

and the omniscience of the world around me.

Not the world as in the earth or the dirt—

but the world like the lives of the people

and the creatures that fill the void

of empty matter that extends above the ground,

continuing on in synchronicity

like a clock and its tick.

I want to feel like more than a blip

on the radar of history.

I try to harmonize with the city around me.

I force ecstasy down my own throat,

choking on my inability

to feel anything but apathy or anxiety.

Rising like nausea, a half-felt nostalgia

for old feelings of euphoria;

for the feeling of soft, cotton movement;

of being wrapped in the world,

rushes through its wind and

amalgamates my body with the colors of the city.

Like a kaleidoscope of comfort,

there’s an everlasting love

for the people pushing past me,

joining me in this dance of feeling a part of something;

being our own movement.

Our energy shone iridescent

with all the other Former Gifted Kids

who thought they’d be the next

Salinger,

di Prima,

Kerouac or Kesey,

writing poems with our friends

on a bus across the country.

We all thought we’d be a part of something,

somewhere,

some day.

Instead we’re just Former Gifted Kids—

almost 30 years old

with AP scores that no longer mean a thing.

Now we live in an ever-lasting hour of

disassociation,

dragging,

the discontinuation of a dream.

We thought we were so profound and mysterious

living in Manhattan

on the 31st floor in a fancy apartment.

Slowly realizing that being a starving artist isn’t so fun—

it actually does come along with the starving,

the anxiety, the misery,

depression and the drugs.

Picasso was schizophrenic

and he made some famous art,

but cutting off your left ear

doesn’t feel nearly as cool as it sounds

in books.

This isn’t the type of art

we thought we wanted.

The energy and power that

we felt when we first started

keeps waning.

We try to remind ourselves that our idols

only Made It post-mortem.

There’s a whole generation

living in desperation;

Former Gifted Kids grasping at our pasts.

Now I don’t know how to do things

like study or problem solve

or call my doctor’s office

or make any phone call, really.

I have issue avoidance problems because

I never had to solve any I didn’t understand

so now I ignore anything with the subtle smell of failure.

I can’t take any criticism.

I suffer from rejection dysphoria

and struggle with perfectionism.

You’d think all of the attention, awards, and admiration

would have solidified the foundation

of my own self-confidence,

but instead I’m a vampire,

a soul-sucker

seeking validation.

The astronomy of the city

used to energize me.

I was celestial.

Infinite.

Ethereal and unstoppable

under the vault of heaven;

perpetual.

Now I just feel tiny

in this whirlwind metropolis.

I never did succeed

in becoming a starving artist.

I’m just one of many

Former Gifted Kids

who were trampled by this city

while we choked on the stardust of our dreams.

[thehamletdiaries]

I wrote this for the Hamlet discord and made myself have feelings so I thought I'd share

I think Horatio stays for a time at Elsinore - he is the carrier of Hamlet's story but importantly also of his message that Fortinbras should be King. It's Hamlet's wish (and, slowly Horatio realises, what genuinely is best for peace and stability) so he makes that his purpose and mission. During this time he writes and writes and speaks often and in many places - telling the story of Hamlet, almost as we know it - but in his version, he lies; he says Claudius sent all three men - Hamlet, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern - to their deaths and Hamlet alone escaped, he says nothing of Hamlet's treatment of Ophelia, and whilst he is truthful about Hamlet killing Polonius he claims that was Claudius's set up too. People need a martyr and Hamlet's full truth would not give them the story they all need. But what he tells truly and faithfully is who Hamlet was - how much he loved him and why; this brilliant Icarus like figure, full of fire, who shone like the sun he flew too close to. The prince, already loved by the people, is given so rich an epitaph that his name might live longer than many who did become King. And his legacy gives credence to Fortinbras's reign, bringing peace.

Fortinbras marries a woman very distantly related to Hamlet's family in order to solidify his position and reign. It's Horatio who helps her find her way in court - this man who was from outside court himself helping this woman who never wanted to be Queen. Horatio finds the writings of Ophelia - in truth, he had first gone searching for them to destroy any that might say some truth about Hamlet he does not want to be revealed - but he finds something else instead; this young girl believed she would be Hamlet's queen and she wanted to be a good queen. She wrote at length about the way they would rule, together; the kind of prosperity and joy they would bring - how they would invest in the arts and education, how they would support enterprise and relgious tolerence. He gives Ophelia's writings to the new Queen to help guide her.

Horatio goes home often - to the farm he grew up on on the border of Denmark and Germany. He has no male relatives left, but he still has his mother, grandmother and sister. They all hold him when he cries, but it's only his sister he truly tells everything too. The whole story. Everything about who Hamlet was and how truly he loved him.

Horatio's sister eventually marries and has children, as, of course, does the new Queen. Both women suggest naming one of their sons Hamlet, but Horatio asks them not to. It would be too painful for another to have his name. When the Queen has her third and fourth child, however, twin daughters, she does name one Horatia.

Horatio tries to go back to Wittenberg once but it is just too painful.

He is at his heart a scholar, and after many years at court he does want to return to school. He wanders looking for somewhere to be. He even goes as far as Egypt but that is too strange and too different. He eventually finds himself at the University of Florence, where he graduates and continues on to the professorship he'd always assumed he would have before he met the prince. He writes about philsophy, mostly; a discipline now forever coloured by what he has seen. He lives a fairly lonely existence, but his stoic nature sees him through. He gets up every morning and goes to bed every night. Time doesn't take away the pain but it changes it; makes it bearable in a way he would not at first of thought possible. He often cries but he is often happy too. He has long since stopped searching for Hamlet's ghost. If Hamlet were a ghost, he has reasoned, it would mean he wasn't in heaven. And Horatio has to believe that's where his prince is; in heaven.

[tojisun]

Since the Hurting the Fushiguros agenda is going strong, it’s time to hurt the Gojos too (hehe). Since the story is in the jjk canon(verse?) what do you think will happen at Shibuya? Does Geto/Kenjaku know about Gojos kid? Wife? Since Gojo has such obvious weaknesses now does he do something about it?

I love your writing so much like this story’s been keeping me going for days. I’ve rambled abt it to like everyone I know. And the angst and the drabbles are just perfect. Thank you so much for writing them

not gonna lie but this one was so good to imagine and it's a different flavour of angst and i am living for it!

and thank you so much ahsduab <333

i hope you'll like this one! as usual, i butchered the jjk universe to fit my narrative so i'm sorry if it's wayy canon divergence!

cw: not descriptive but character death (including a child whose age is unspecified but do be warned)

[how we break masterlist]

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

kenjaku did not know why it took him this long to find gojo satoru's weakness.

weaknesses, he corrects as he gazes at the pair standing in front of him, trembling and distraught. the kid in your arms is wailing, hiding his face at the crook of your neck as though you could do anything to protect him; as though this is but a nightmare.

"suguru?" you ask, a sob breaking your voice at the end. "i—we thought you're dead."

kenjaku wants to laugh. you don’t know! he should thank satoru for making this easier.

"oh dear," he giggles, "this is even better."

he summons a curse, smile blooming when your son's eyes widen in terror as he watches the curse solidify behind kenjaku. he turns to you and almost scoffs when he notices that you cannot see what he’s calling; what your son is so afraid of.

geto suguru was right, kenjaku thinks as the curse bows to him, non-curse users are miles inferior.

your son screams, tiny lungs trying their best to relay his terror. it is a disgusting noise but kenjaku blooms at the fear, letting the wailing sounds thrum over his skin like water. the confusion in your eyes further excites him, giddily watching as you try to ease your squealing son and crawl away from kenjaku's line of sight.

but it is useless.

a heartbeat and everything is silent.

when the curse is stored away and the pavement is dyed red, kenjaku wonders if satoru even knows that his son could see curses.

he trudges past your bodies, humming lowly as though he could taste satoru's anguish already.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

“you should’ve heard their shrieks, satoru,” suguru says wistfully and satoru’s body locks in place.

no—

“well, your son was loud that’s for sure. but your wife? oh satoru, she didn’t even know what was happening!” suguru chuckles, sighing as though he is remembering something funny.

satoru’s voice is stuck in his throat, heart thundering as pain scratches at his chest and courses through his veins. he flinches when the seal crawls on his skin, tugging and compressing him down.

satoru wants to escape. he needs to escape.

suguru’s wrong. there is no way that you and nen are gone. he’s done everything to keep you and your son safe—everything to hide you from prying curses and vengeful humans.

suguru’s wrong. he has to be.

satoru tries teleporting away, but he is bound and helpless and hopeless and—

it hurts.

“suguru!” he yells, thrashing, “what do you mean? what do you mean?!”

suguru laughs and laughs and satoru is yanked away, darkness creeping on his eyes and blinding him slowly. he flails, doing anything and everything to escape.

“suguru please! please not them—” satoru cries, “i’ll come quietly. i won’t escape, so please! please suguru—”

darkness engulfs him whole.

“no! nonono! suguru no—”

he screams, crying.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

“my love,” he sniffles, “you are the love of my life. my everything. i vow to protect your happiness, all the while making you the happiest person ever. i vow to love you unconditionally and to always be by your side. i will love you faithfully through the difficult and the easy. i marry you with no hesitation or doubt, and my commitment to you is absolute. i love you, my dearest.”

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

“megumi,” shoko begins, her face turned to the floor, not meeting his eyes. megumi thinks he knows what she will say but he remains silent, unwilling to acknowledge what is done.

“gojo satoru is sealed,” shoko says. megumi nods even though shoko cannot see him. “gojo y/n and gojo nen are dead.”

megumi nods, this one slower, causing his tears to trek down his pale cheeks and onto his trembling lips.

i know, he thinks.

[anashins]

if you ever consider writing a mini epilogue to let’s talk about our kids, i really hope you would write about jaehyun and y/n having their own kids together 🥺 i think it would really solidify them as a big family ahhh

Consider this as a little bonus that comes close to your request :)

____

"Y/N, open the door!"

"No!"

You were sitting on the toilet, your trembling hands holding onto the pregnancy test like a lifeline. Closing and opening your eyes again, you had first thought that your vision betrayed you. But no, they were there.

Two red lines.

Even though one was thinner and less distinctive, but they were there.

You reached for the instructions sheet in the sink, hoping that you had probably only gotten the facts wrong despite having done one already in the past. But the manual only proved that you were trying to fool yourself.

"Are you okay?" Jaehyun asked from the other side of the bathroom. "Is your stomach acting up again? See, you really have to get it checked, maybe you're allergic to something."

No, you weren't allergic to anything. You were not throwing up for two weeks in a row because you suspected you couldn't digest dairy.

You were just pregnant. No big deal, no biggie. In a few months, it would be over.

Oh god. In a few months.

You still remembered how you had broken out in sheer panic upon discovering your first pregnancy.

You had only entered university back then, and a child had not been in the books so early. Your ex boyfriend hadn't been a help either and left shortly after your daughter was born. In the end, everything had worked out fine despite you having faced many difficulties. But the rocky path to your life now, you didn't want to walk again.

Now, everything was different.

You had a stable job, were married, already had two children, and you all lived together in your house.

What were you so scared of then?

That Jaehyun would leave you like your ex boyfriend did.

This. This was probably it.

"Listen..." Jaehyun continued, and his voice suddenly sounded so far away. "I will have your mother look over the girls and we'll drive to the doctor, okay? Don't worry, Y/N, everything is going to be fine."

You weren't so sure about that. You hadn't talked to Jaehyun about children of your own yet as each of you had already brought one into the relationship and you only have been married for half a year.

What if he didn't want another one?

Even though you now realized that one day, you had sure wanted an own child with Jaehyun, you weren't quite sure whether the timing was right.

But then again, when in life was the timing ever right?

"Will you come out now?"

With your free hand also trembling, you reached for the handle and slowly opened the door where your husband already embraced you with his strong arms.

"Thank god! Are you okay?" He cupped your cheeks and looked into your confused eyes, directly sensing that something wasn't right with you. "Come on, let's get a check up."

"That's... not necessary," you stuttered.

"Why not? Look, it's been going on for days, I'm starting to get worried."

"Because..." You inhaled deeply. "I'm not sick."

Jaehyun shook his head, not understanding what was going on with you. "What is it then? Have you found out yourself?"

You slowly raised your other hand, your fingers still clasping around the test that you then visibly brought into Jaehyun's vision. From the way his eyes moved, you caught his realization over what that thing in your hand was.

You watched his face fall, and suddenly it was there again: The fear that he would leave you.

"It's positive," Jaehyun stated like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Yes."

And suddenly, he exclaimed, "That's amazing!"

You frowned. "What...?"

"We're getting a baby?"

"Yeah..."

"We're getting a baby!" he repeated, and his arms were around you again, now lifting you off the ground and swirling you in the air. "We're going to have a baby together!"

As your feet felt the ground under your feet again, you asked, "You're not..." You swallowed. "You're not mad?"

"Why in the world should I be mad?" He grabbed you by shoulders, pulled you to him and gave you a kiss on the forehead. "That's amazing news!"

"Because... I..." You suddenly felt so bad for having doubted him. Jaehyun wasn't like your ex boyfriend at all. "This wasn't planned... yet. And the last time I discovered I was pregnant, it all went downhill with my relationship."

"Even if it wasn't planned, I'm so happy!" He stroked your cheek and made you face him. "This isn't the you from university, Y/N. This is you, nine years later. And the man by your side is a whole other one. Are you afraid that I'll be leaving you?"

Knowing that you couldn't lie to your husband, you nodded.

"Well..." Jaehyun hugged you tightly and rocked you in his ams. "That's not going to happen. I made a promise to you, remember? If there is anything that could make our happiness complete, then it's a child of our own."

Again, his soothing words were music in your ears and you believed every single syllable.

"Yeah. A child of our own."

Only at this moment, as you nestled against him, you allowed yourself to have every bit of anxiety and fear getting replaced with pure happiness and the anticipation that in nine months from now, you'll be holding another baby in your hands with the man you had vowed to love forever.

Perhaps this time, you'd be blessed with a boy that his older sisters would certainly take care of well.

[fvriva]

highlight/midlights/lowlights: camp here and there (s1)

summary: a summer camp in ohio in a universe where weird shit happens as part of everyday life, that slowly zooms in on the drama unfolding between the camp nurses, syndey and jedediah. sydney is a disabled trans man whose only support system for much of the season socially, emotionally, and physically centers around jedediah, who is suspiciously absent and seems to be deliberately avoiding him despite their longstanding and sometimes sexually charged friendship. it also has strong themes of lack of respect, lack of control, and necromancy.

highlights:

jedediah's va was my favorite goddamn thing about this. i could listen to him read the phonebook

sydney is EXTREMELY well written, as is the drama between him and jedediah!! oh my god!!! there's a boatload of nuances and themes presented that kept me on edge throughout

we stan cabin dung beetle

sydney, specifically during the lower-toned acting segments, is a really good voice actor. love the performance for him

jedediah's various skyrim rants

setup for possible plot around the clock of meantime in the future! love that fuckin thing

LOVE how sydney's dreams have a blue sky and presumably other "normal" aspects to it

will wood

i managed to call that sydnecromancy was gonna be a topic addressed but i was FUCKED UP GOOD when it was properly revealed OHHHH my god

i'm super looking forward to what they have coming in future episodes

the whole "if you read this YOU MIGHT LITERALLY DROP DEAD" thing also smacked

i really like how they would periodically go from their usual hijinks talk and dive off a cliff into just the worst, most intrusive fucked up horror shit you've ever heard.

i REALLY wanna know what's coming for the centipede and apple/tree themes and how they'll follow up on it

midlights:

it feels like the weirdness of the setting, while it does eventually service the plot and some of the vibes, ends up not being a huge focus throughout the season. i feel like i would've liked it to be more woven in and like, thematic? but particularly at first it felt kind of like the writing process was literally an improv game with the drama elements stapled on top of it. that said, it wasn't that it wasn't fun but i don't have a strong handle on what exactly is up with the world

it's kind of weird how we didn't get any of the kids' names until literally halfway through the season, i hope that they end up taking advantage of some real Characters among the campers themselves in the future

elijah is so mid you guys. just everything about him. except for when he temporarily drops into his accent when he's fucked up a little

all in all it was a little bit loose and all over the place, which is fine and won't deter me from listening in the future because i love these characters, but it makes me hesitate to rec it because my brain is wired so specifically

lowlights:

it was ngl kind of weird and hamfisted to have really specific descriptions of syndey in particular put in where they were. they didn't feel natural, and they came REALLY late in the series when my images of the character had begun to properly solidify. im talking specifically about confirming sydney as male several episodes in, and then confirming that sydney is curvy and has long hair right before the finale. they feel like they were slotted in as a reaction to fanartists drawing him wrong, and particularly the first one was confusing because the scene made me think that sydney and jedediah were in fact married for a solid ten episodes

[gunterfan1992]

Interview with Half Shy (the songwriter of “Monster”)

For the last few months, I’ve been collecting information for a second edition of Exploring the Land of Ooo that will also cover the production of Distant Lands. This means that I’ve started to look into the new songs that we have been graced with this year, and this of course includes “Monster,” the beautiful track from the masterpiece that is “Obsidian”. And so I reached out to the song’s writer, Half Shy, who was kind enough to chat with me via email about the songwriting process!

(Photo courtesy of Half Shy)

In many ways, Half Shy is living the creative Adventure Time fan’s dream: She got asked by Adam Muto himself to write a song for “Obsidian” after he heard her music through Bandcamp! (I’ve dabbled in fan music before, and the fact that someone from the show might listen to it just blows my mind.) What an opportunity; I am so excited for her!

Since a second edition of my book won’t be coming out until after all the Distant Lands episodes air, I thought it would be best to share my Half Shy interview now. Read on for the fascinating behind the scenes story of how Half Shy and “Monster” came to be..

GunterFan: What is your origin story? How did you get involved in music, and how did the Half Shy project come to be?

Half Shy: I’ve been making music pretty quietly since I was in high school with a keyboard and guitar. I played one or two shows a year after college when I could find a friend or my brother to get up on stage with me, but I don’t really have that performer gene in me naturally. I get too much in my head and forget what the lyrics are to the song I wrote, or what the next chord is. Total brain freeze. So that whole experience is a bit of a mental drain. It’s something I think I’d like to dig into and figure out, but right now I’m really enjoying the time writing.

Even playing a song for my friends I still get pretty nervous. That’s where the name Half Shy comes from. I’ve always been interested in making things that by their nature draw a bit of a spotlight, but at the same time, I am just really quite nervous about the attention.

I recorded my first songs under my old name Hey V Kay in my bedroom and started putting them up online one at a time. When I got enough I thought about packaging it up into an album, but then got really distracted by learning how to fix up motorcycles and going to automotive tech school. When I eventually got back around to it I named the album Gut Wrenching.

After a few years I realized that I didn’t want the day-in-day-out life of a mechanic, I just wanted to know how to fix cars for myself and to have that knowledge in my back pocket. I got back into making music but grew frustrated at the process of writing and recording songs. I felt like I wasn’t able to capture the ideas I had in my head. Like trying to draw on your computer with a mouse. Doable, but it’s not going to come out like you’d hoped.

So these last couple of years I’ve focused more on learning the technical aspect of it, from the initial ideas and lyrics, to the recording and mixing. During that process I put out Bedroom Visionaries, and while writing I happened upon the name Half Shy in an old Thesaurus which felt instantly right. Learning all of that has been fun, I even went as far as to create my own book to solidify a daily writing routine (lyricworkbook.com). All that has been a bit of a tangent from actually making much music though. I should be getting my books in December from the press so I’m really looking forward to getting back into making more music instead of dealing with printing presses, setting up websites, and sourcing ribbon suppliers.

GF: What is the story behind "Monster"? How did the show get in contact with you?

HS: I keep a log of “Song Starters” with neat things I’ve heard in the world, and I would look through it every now and then and notice just how many came from Adventure Time. Eventually I thought well, I have to make a song about this show that just keeps breaking my heart. It was around the time I was nearly done with the first [Adventure Time-inspired] song “In My Element” that I got an email from Bandcamp saying “someone bought your album (Bedroom Visionaries).”

I get maybe one or two of these a month at most so I love to go in and say hi to the person and say thanks, be curious about who they are, [and] what they’re all about. Turns out it was Adam Muto, the executive producer of the show. (I asked and he has no idea how he happened upon my stuff. He guessed that I must have tagged something #adventuretime and he just happened to see it.) So I sent him an email saying, “Hey wow thanks for checking out my tunes. Also... holy crap you’ve made the best show I have ever seen in my life.” [I] played it real cool like. After finishing up writing my second [Adventure Time-inspired] song “Betty” I couldn’t help but fangirl real hard [and I sent him another message saying], “I’m sorry this is probably awkward, but I really love your show and I wrote these songs about it.” He was incredibly kind and shared them with his Twitter Universe, and a while after that I got a random email from him saying basically, “Hey, I’m working on this thing I can’t talk about, would you be interested?” I was like… well you know I’m pretty busy working at a sign shop so I’m gonna have to pass on this once in a lifetime opportunity (J/K. Obviously I fan-girl squealed and said yes immediately).

We chatted a bit about what the project was going to be and the direction. He mentioned there [would be] two Marceline songs in the special, [and he asked if I] would I be interested in giving the love song a try? Trying real hard to suppress my instant imposter syndrome I was like, “Yea, totally I’d be into giving that a shot!” So I read through the story and loved the idea of the dragon mirrored in Marceline, thinking through how they’ve both built up a protective shell, how she grew tough for a reason, but now she can open up and be vulnerable with PB.

From there I wrote the initial demo with the first two verses mostly intact and we went back and forth a few times editing it down into the final version. I recorded the final parts for the show in my little home studio in Seattle.

GS: When you were writing the song, what emotions, thoughts, or ideas were you channeling? Was there any sort of memory of event that you were trying to artistically "catch" or "recreate" with the lyrics or music?

HS: As far as channeling an emotion, generally I’d say just the experience of existing as a human. It can be so hard to open up and be vulnerable. I can remember that feeling even as a young kid—getting really excited about something and having someone completely trash it or look at you like, “Why are you so interested in that? It’s dumb.” [It causes us to grow] a little more weary to share ourselves because we know that hurt and embarrassment. The pain of being misunderstood is something I think a lot of us can relate to. Then having to decide whether to keep sharing those vulnerable parts of yourself or think, “They’re just not going to get it, I’m going to get hurt, so why bother?” and then stop putting yourself out there. You lose a lot with that thick armor though. You might feel protected, but you’re not feeling a whole lot of anything else other than the weight and chafing of it (I had a whole lot of armor-related metaphors that I didn't end up using.).

I struggle with this in songwriting too. I’m not the bolt-of-lightning type. There are pages and pages of cliches, total garbage, bad jokes, and cheesy lines that I have to get through in order to get to something that I am excited to put out there into the world: “Here I did this thing, I know it’s a little (this or that), but I made it... What do you think?” It’s hard to open yourself up to hearing the other end of that question.

I filled about 5 little pocket notebooks just thinking through the story, ideas, and trying to get this song right. I wanted it to feel familiar and honor the past songs of the show ([e.g.,] using the ukulele and referencing a few of the familiar chords from “I’m Just Your Problem”) but also be pretty open and vulnerable and different for [Marceline]. [I wanted to] show that she’s going through some tough emotions but also figuring herself out and growing.

GF: I feel like “Monster” is, at its core, an ode to the “Bubbline” ship. How do you feel about your song being intimately connected to one of the most famous LGBTQ+ relationships in animation? Do you have any general thoughts on Marcy and PB, Bubbline, etc.?

HS: Oh, I’m a total fan girl of Bubbline. The whole story of how Rebecca Sugar and Muto slowly morphed it into this deeper relationship is just great. As a part of the LGBTQ community myself it really means so much to see the representation of characters like yourself portrayed in an intelligent way. Growing up I was too young to fully understand what was going on but I saw Ellen getting cancelled, and [I] heard people around me saying they’d never watch her show again after she came out. That stuff sinks in as a kid and so to have these characters who are not only intelligent, but funny, complex, and unapologetically strong who also happen to be queer is really great. I love that the story here isn’t about their orientation, but that they’re people struggling with how to be open and vulnerable in a relationship.

It feels like something sci-fi and animated shows do so well—to show that ridiculousness of limiting who a person should and shouldn’t love. Marceline is a 1000+ year old half-demon/vampire and PB was born from the Mothergum of an apocalyptic radioactive world, but you’re going to get hung up on them loving each other? It sort of brings it into perspective in a really interesting way.

GF: Do you have any other thoughts about the experience that you'd like to share?

HS: Just how lucky, thankful, and honored I feel to be a part of my favorite show, writing a song for one of my favorite characters. It’s also incredibly cool how the people on the show are so willing to connect and collaborate with their fandom. Everyone [on the production crew] was very open and a real joy to work with.

I’d like to give a huge “Thank you!” to Half Shy for agreeing to participate in this interview; she really was quite amiable! If you’d like to hear more of her music, check out her website and her Bandcamp. You can also follow her on Instragram here and on Twitter here. And of course, here is Half Shy’s awesome video of “Monster”.

[kuroopaisen]

03:22 am || sugawara koushi

➵ existentialism doesn’t have to be depressing.

wc: 2292

warnings: gn!reader, philosophical talk (I’m so sorry), existentialism

a/n: sorry for rambling so much about existentialism dslfk i was doing my best to get into the 3am mindset

The stars aren’t particularly bright, but you’re grateful that you can even catch a glimpse of them. Your apartment’s balcony is only small, and you can only see so much unobstructed sky. What you can see of the constellations are bleached by the city lights, but that hasn’t dampened either yours or Suga’s desire to stargaze. The two of you cuddle up on a dingy banged-up couch, barely big enough to fit both of you. Not that either of you care.

Suga seemed particularly unphased, littering quick kisses across the side of your face.

“Koushi,” you chuckle, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Hm?” A peck to your cheek.

“Are you quite alright?”

“I’m just peachy.” A kiss to your temple.

“Do you want something?” You giggle, turning your head to look at him straight.

“Nothing,” he beams, pressing his lips to your nose.

You grin, kissing his own nose in response.

You take a moment to admire him, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek. 

He looks a bit like starlight personified, all silver hair and round, bright eyes. He’s got one of those smiles that lights up his whole face, crinkling his eyes in the most endearing way.

Those kind eyes of his were one of the things that had drawn you to him at first. Initially, your intentions had been purely platonic. But how weren’t you supposed to fall in love with this boy made of starlight?

“What’re you thinking about?” You ask, smoothing a thumb over his cheek. He smiles at you, those beautiful eyes of his touched with a hint of melancholy.

“Nothing.”

“You’re thinking about something,” you smile. “You’ve got that look in your eyes.”

His eyes are kind, warm, gentle. But they’re perhaps a bit more expressive than he’d like.

Suga grins, shaking his head. “I was a fool to think I’d get anything by you, huh?”

“Good to see you’re learning your lesson,” you tease. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “I’m just… thinking about the inherent meaninglessness of life.”

You snort, but you’re not surprised. This isn’t unusual for him. “That doesn’t sound like ‘alright’.”

“Oh, but it is,” Suga grins, looking you directly in the eyes. “It’s great.”

“Why?”

“I get to do whatever I want,” Suga shrugs. “It doesn’t matter if there’s no greater meaning to any of it. I get to live my life in a way that makes me happy.”

“What makes you happy, then?” You ask, smoothing the top of his head.

“You,” he fires back immediately, a cheeky grin on his lips.

“That’s a cop-out,” you snort, poking his nose.

“I just…” He sighs, turning his gaze back to the faint stars. “I just want to do right by the people around me.”

“That’s wonderful,” you smile. There’s such beautiful sincerity in his eyes.

“It sounds cheesy,” Suga scoffs, his cheeks tinged pink.

“So?” You ask.

His blush deepens as he meets your eyes. “Well… you know…”

You’re well-aware of what the concern is, but you’ve decided to mark it down as ‘silly.’

“If you’re going to be a nihilist, you may as well be nice about it,” you shrug. “Nothing’s worse than being an asshole who’s rude to people because ‘life is meaningless’ and ‘humans are just base animals’ or whatever.”

Suga chuckles at your rather accurate impression of a man in a first-year philosophy degree.

“Just don’t start quoting Nietzsche at me,” you grin.  

“I would never,” Suga scoffs. “It’s gotta be Kierkegaard.”

“Wasn’t he just… really sad?” You ask, tilting your head at him.

“He hated democracy.”

“He did?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

Suga shrugs. “I dunno. I just know he did.”

You giggle, shaking your head. “Good to see you’ve been paying attention in class.”

“Look,” Suga raises a hand, “I found that out when I was just scouring the net, okay?”

“Mhm…”

“Philosophy is supposed to make you think about life, not some guy’s opinion on democracy, okay?” Suga grins.

“You have to write a dialogue, right?” You ask. You remember him telling you about it, but you can’t quite recall what he’s actually supposed to do.

He nods. “Yeah.”

“Are you arguing with Nietzsche?”

He laughs. “Not sure yet.”

“I think you should,” you hum. “I’d laugh.”

“I can’t believe my assignment is basically me writing fanfiction about me and Diogenes hanging out,” he grins.

“Actually yeah, write about him,” you snort. “I, too, would like to find an honest man.”

Suga chuckles. “Unfortunately, that’s not gonna help me get a good mark.”

“You’re going to get a good mark,” you say, pouting at him. “You always do.”

“Bold of you to put that much confidence in me,” he scoffs. “I haven’t even started writing it yet.”

“Have you planned it out?”

“Kind of?”

“Well, what’s your key argument?” You ask. You enjoy talking to him like this; unpicking his brain, finding out what he thought about the world. He always had something interesting to say, a thought to share about life in general.

 “I mean…” Suga sighs. “I always sorta figured that if life doesn’t inherently mean anything, then we’ve got a choice, right?”

“A choice?” 

“Yeah.” 

“What do you mean?” You shift yourself in his lap, your legs now dangling over the armrest. 

Suga pauses, pressing his lips together for a moment. “Well… you’re not morally beholden to anyone, right?” 

“Uh huh…” You nod slowly. 

“So… why wouldn’t you want to choose to do the kind thing? It’s not hard.”

You bite your lip. “But if you’re not ‘morally beholden’ to anyone, then what’s the point of being kind?” 

“You know… it’s the decent thing to do.” He raises an eyebrow at you. “And it feels good.” 

“But why?” 

“Do you disagree with me?” 

“No,” you laugh, shaking your head. “I’m just trying to help you solidify your argument.” 

“Ah, playing devil’s advocate, I see,” he grins. 

You flick him in the forehead gently. “How dare you.” 

“I’m just waiting for you to destroy me with facts and logic,” he teases, grinning at you. His eyes are much brighter now, twinkling with mirth. 

“Well,” you smile, running your fingers through his hair. “Presuming I did destroy you with facts and logic, then what would you say in response?” 

“Okay,” Suga sits up a little straighter, a determined glint in his eyes. “You know the whole ‘existence precedes essence’ thing, right?” 

“Kind of?” 

“Well, the basic principle is that we exist before anything else,” he begins. “That sounds obvious, but what it’s trying to get at is that our consciousness exists before anything else. There is no ‘essential nature’ to any of us.” 

“Right,” you nod. 

“So, we create our own values, our own meanings, because we don’t have any inherently,” he continues. “We have to make them ourselves, and that’s how we give our existence significance.” 

You hum in response. 

“A lot of people get kind of down if they believe there’s no inherent meaning to life, but that just means there so much more freedom. And there’s power in that freedom.” 

“What do you mean, exactly?” You ask. You’ve had these sorts of conversations before, but he’s been getting better and better at articulating himself. If anything, he seems relieved by it. 

“The essential meaninglessness of life isn’t a burden, it’s a chance to define ourselves and where we want to go,” he continues. 

“Mhm,” you nod, paying him the attention he deserves. 

“We may be meaningless in the grand scheme of the universe, but that means we’re free.” 

“How so?” You ask. 

He considers your question for a moment, a tiny pout on his lips. “We’re not inherently ‘good,’ but we’re not inherently ‘selfish’ either. We get to choose.” 

“Right,” you nod. “But… won’t some people find that overwhelming?”

“What do you mean?” He asks. 

“Isn’t that just the whole absurdity thing?” You’re trying to find the right words, to call on all the concepts you remember him telling you about. You may be no philosophy student, but you know Suga won’t judge. “You know, the… the contradiction between finding meaning and purpose in an inherently chaotic and meaningless world?” 

“Oh, right,” he nods. “Well… the absurd itself isn’t the problem, per se. If anything, one of the best things you can do is to accept that absurdity, even if it’s difficult.” 

“Yes, life is absurd,” he stresses. “Yes, it can be hard to find the motivation to press on when you feel that life is meaningless.” 

You wonder, for a moment, if he’s speaking from experience. 

“The idea is that you live on in-spite of that,” he smiles. “It’s like a big middle finger to a universe that doesn’t care about you.” 

“So… by deciding what matters to you is a way of biting back at a world that doesn’t care?” 

“Exactly!” He beams. “Freedom means we create our own meanings, and can find satisfaction in our lives by figuring out what we really want and how we feel we should live best,” he continues. “And it means that instead of having to worry about our ‘inherent, essential goodness’, we get to define ourselves by our actions -- people can claim that humans are inherently selfish, but we’re not.” 

He’s glowing now, eyes shining and cheeks bright. He really is beautiful. And good. So, so good. 

“Because neither behaviour is encoded in us, we’re responsible for the choices we make. We choose to be cruel, or we choose to be kind. We can choose to be good.” 

“And you think most people would do that?” You ask. 

“I’m not naive,” he sighs, “but I do think most people would want to do right by others. Not all. But most.” 

He takes a deep breath, looking to the sky once more. You follow his gaze upwards. 

“I just…” His voice is quiet now, almost as if he’s praying. “We’re all thrown into this absurd world, and we can make it easier for one another.” 

You press a gentle kiss to his temple, your heart feeling fuzzier than ever. 

Suga looks at you with the gentlest smile, a bright spark in his eyes. “We can bear the burden of the human condition together and show each other compassion.”

You run a hand through his hair, massaging his scalp with the tips of your fingers. 

He closes his eyes and leans into your touch, still smiling. “And the way I see it… if there’s no inherent meaning or purpose to the way things are, then there’s no reason to succumb to suffering.” 

“That’s a bit bold of you,” you chuckle. 

“I’m not saying that suffering is unavoidable or anything, but I mean, like…” He frowns, trying to unpick the implications of his own words. “Of course, there’ll be things you can’t escape and things that’ll fucking suck. I just mean that... You don’t have to do anything. In that sense, you can pursue what you want to pursue, prioritise the things that make you happy…”

“I see.” 

“I’m not saying that life’s a free-for-all either. Like, I’m not saying that it’s okay for people to be awful to each other,” he continues. “And I understand that the world we live in places limits on us and what we can conceivably do…”  

“What, like the… struggling artist thing?” You clarify. 

“Yeah,” he nods. “I know that it’s not that simple and everything won’t work out just because you want it to. I just think… if it makes you happy then… then it’s worth a try.” 

He sits back in the chair, sinking into the cushions. “But… I don’t know,” he sighs. “It’s hard to articulate.” 

“That’s okay,” you smile. “You’re making sense to me.” 

He chuckles, shaking his head. “Unfortunately, I’m not sure if my tutors have that same insight into my brain.” 

“You’re being too hard on yourself,” you giggle, shifting yourself in his lap. “Can you think of a good one-liner?” You ask, tilting your head at him. 

“Hm…” He muses for a moment, tilting his head upwards. “At the end of the day, I just think that… we have a choice to be kind. Why wouldn’t you be?” 

You laugh. “Why would you say something so brave and yet so controversial?”

“Isn’t that meme outdated now?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I can never keep up with what the young people are doing these days.”

He snorts. “What are you, seventy-two?”

“In body, no,” you shake your head. “But in spirit?”

“Great, I’m dating a geriatric.”

“You knew this going into it,” you giggle. “I’ve just been burdened with age. There’s no space in my heart for optimism anymore.”

“That’s a lie and you know it,” Suga grins, gazing at you fondly.

“I like that about you,” you smile, smoothing a thumb over his cheek.

“I just think that there’s a lot of good out there if you look for it,” he shrugs, his words earnest and sincere. “I know the world isn’t that simple and that there’s plenty of horrible things too, but…” He chews his lip, eyes softening as he once again looking to the sky. “I want to contribute to the world as best as I can.”

You watch him as he watches the stars. You wonder if he knows he’s the brightest amongst them. If he knows how much joy and light, he’s brought to everyone who’s had the privilege of loving him. It’s a gift to be counted amongst them.

You’ve been told that people are made of stardust, but Suga makes you believe it.

You lean in and press a gentle kiss to his cheek, letting the warmth in your chest diffuse through your body. “I love you.”

He smiles at you, and you’re sure he can outshine the moon.

“I love you too.”  

[jmalkki]

From head canon to on-screen reality 

Episode 6 of Season 3. You, guys.

My. Goodness.

What oddly specific joy.

One has secretly hoped a scene of this nature to eventually make it onto the show, and the promo images promised it was coming now. So, one went in expecting to finally see on screen the sweet sweet scene of the couple all domestic, chilling on their bed, sharing thoughts; the one one has imagined so many times in various forms, be it in text or in illustrations. Seemingly topped with a kiss, as well -  gorgeous for the unremarkable mundanity of itself, without any story points or grand gestures tied to it.

Though the promo image promised kiss was not to be seen, what the domestically set scene itself delivered in substance was such a validating treat one could not feel one bit amiss; something one couldn’t have expected, hoped for, or imagined to come worth.

The end scenes of the episode made some major personal head canons true on screen! Namely the fact of Paul immediately recognizing the nature of one talking by oneself as if to a lost loved one, and admitting carrying Hugh similarly with him after Dear Doctor’s death. And, the fact, that both of the men hate the augmentations on Paul’s arms.

Seemingly tiny things perhaps, but these have both been some of the most persistent themes in my past writing of these two. And much as I abhor to go back to my past scribbles, I felt compelled to quickly go through whole of the Honey Mushroom series, and collect below all of the narratives focused on Paul talking to Hugh in his mind, and the instances mentioning the shared bother of the spore drive augmentations.

Which now suddenly as if offer possible context for the on-screen dialogue:

“God, I hated those things.” “I hated them more.”  

I realize this is quite individual a glee, specific to curious personal head canon nuggets (and perhaps to those who might’ve enjoyed the nuggets / nursed any similar own ideas), but I am beyond ecstatic for those nuggets to have now made it on screen and/or fit into the canon, complementary to the narrative!

How ever coincidental, I think one must thank at least Anne Cofell Saunders, the writer of the episode, for including these specific allusions / plot directions, and in doing so making reality of one’s particular head canons. And, that gratitude must also be extended to anyone else, who might’ve been involved in what ever capacity in the process of bringing these into the show’s in-universe reality.

Feels like such an immense affirmation of one’s year(s) spent passionately imagining these unmentioned-in-canon dimensions (regardless how ever fumblingly). Such joy to see these once dearly envisioned behind-the-scenes aspects brought on screen, and into the canon.

More small, but notable glees: Paul’s PADD on the nightstand. And the men sleeping on the ‘correct’ sides of the bed, which has also been a theme in exploring the character of Paul.  (And, in fact, Paul scratching the augmentations/residuals, too *heehee*).

Okay. Let’s go.

Passages of the augmentations being a bother:

From my second ever narrative, and the first to mention the augmentations, if not yet for the precise shared discomfort factor. Also the first to feature Paul talking to Hugh after the death:

[He shifted on the chair and reached for his forearm. Feeling out the hard plastic augmentation with his fingers. Rubbing it in a circular motion on top of his muscles, letting the gentle pressure push against his bones.

They were another reason - the augmentations - why he had felt so bare at the gym dressing rooms. He had only ever really bared them in the engineering for their designed purpose, and with Hugh around in the sickbay or in the confinements of their quarters. He had showed them to few others of course on occasion, but on his own discretion. He wasn’t comfortable letting them ‘hang out’ like he had just done. It too left him feeling exposed.

“They keep insisting I go in for a medical examination”, Paul muttered out quietly, while skimming through his calendar, like he was expecting Hugh - his resident consultant on all things medical - to actually answer.]

- We Are Undone, But Soldier On

From my only ‘alternative future’ story, with the first ever allusion to the shared discomfort with the apparatus. Also the narrative, which solidified the idea of Paul harboring Hugh ‘alive’ in his mind well after the death:

[ Paul smiled. He put his hand in his hair again, mussed it around a bit, adjusting it from side to side, observing it closely from the mirror. “And you won’t mind this either?” He asked with a faint look of apprehension on his face, “it’s still getting thinner and thinner each year.” “You know I always loved that”, Hugh spoke to him with most affectionate tone, as Paul could feel fingers play with the little swirl of thinning hair on the back of his head, “it makes you look irresistibly manly.”

“Like these”, Hugh continued, as Paul raised his arms in front of himself, displaying the thick, fluffy white hair covering his forearms, “I love falling asleep into this softness.” “Well, you’re in luck then. They sure aren’t thinning any”, Paul snickered, “I think the hair on my head might be migrating there in fact”. He could hear Hugh chuckle and felt a light encouraging pat on his hips.

Paul turned away from the mirror and walked slowly to the small kitchen cabin in the corner of the room. “Always hated shaving any of that off for those spore drive ports, just so you know.” he could hear Hugh’s voice commenting back at him. Paul was replicating his morning drink. “You won’t mind me saying then, how glad I was to get those off eventually”, Paul conversed in his head as he watched the replicator form a cup of tea.

“Of course not, Mushroom”, Hugh sounded to respond from the bed, “we’ve been through this many times. You don’t need to feel sorry for getting rid of those.”

“Yeah…” Paul muttered as he walked back to the room with a fresh cup of tea in his hands, “it just felt then like I was throwing something of you away”, he thought sitting down on the bed, “I know it’s silly.”

“It is. You know I wasn’t too keen on those things ‘hogging’ your arms either”, Hugh let out a little laugh, “and you really haven’t thrown any of me away.”

Paul looked sheepishly down to his tea. He knew what was coming.

“Don’t you think you should?” Hugh asked with a slight hint of worry in his voice.]

- Becalmed

A short, based solely on the premise of the discomfort of the augmentations:

[ Hugh wakes up to it again. To Paul’s arm wrapping around him. Dang, it used to be one of the best feelings in the mornings to wake in the safety of his Honey Mushroom’s manly arms. Now, there’s often this unforeseen complication. And Hugh has in part himself to blame for it too.

“Mushroom”, Hugh tries to carefully arouse the sleeping man’s attention by shaking him a little. He gets no response.

“Honey, can you move your arm a bit”, Hugh tries a little louder and attempts to wiggle himself from the man’s grip, but Paul just mumbles something in his sleep and won’t move. The arm wants to hold on to Hugh. Dammit. He loves it, but just not like this.

“Paul!” Hugh makes no attempt to discretion anymore, “will you let go of me!”

“What!?” Paul wakes up shouting irately at the abrupt wake-up call.

“Your damn augmentation is boring into my hip again”, Hugh lets the understandably agitated response get to him and snaps back in equal tone, which is far more harsh than necessary.

“Well, who the fuck’s fault is it, it’s there!?” Paul huffs back, fiercely as only provoked Paul would - even when half asleep, like he is right now.

“I know, I know. And you’re very welcome, by the way”, Hugh sneers, “just move it”.

“Fine!” Paul scoffs and yanks his arm to his own side of the bed, turning his back to Hugh as he does so. Hugh turns back to face his side as well.

The doctor then immediately feels regret for having gotten so agitated. He’s upset for the situation - lamenting over losing those comfy arms for the good of this ship -, not mad at the man.

How difficult for the man himself it must be to adjust? And Paul hasn’t once complained. Oddly so.

Hugh had just let his own less than satisfactory wake-up ruin Mushroom’s morning as well, hadn’t he?

“I’m sorry, Paul”, Hugh turns to look at the man over his shoulder,  "I didn’t mean to yell. I’m not upset with you".

“I know”, Paul’s sleepy voice sounds faintly somewhere behind the man’s back. He’s not turning back around.

Hugh worries his outburst might scare Paul to thinking twice before embracing him again. And he loves his cuddly Paul.

“Of course you’re still welcome to snuggle”, Hugh assures Paul, letting the regret sound in his voice.

But the man doesn’t hear him, he’s fast asleep again. And Hugh’s bed feels that much emptier without the safety of his man’s arms around him.]

- Losing Your Arms

From one, which references events referenced on screen, namely the introduction of the (preliminary) augmentations by revealing them installed on Paul’s arms:

[ Maybe it had indeed been but a dream after all. Like all of this. Perhaps like all the other times he remembers too. Those instances when they had been somewhere quite surprising - and admittedly quite exciting -, getting distracted by each other from their intended tasks.

Like, when at the Medbay, setting up these brand new spore drive ports on his arms, for a brief stolen moment before the evening shift had arrived to relief Hugh.

Indeed, occasionally he had been back as they were in the middle of hurriedly moving that task to their quarters to follow up on those distractions. Like they must have done just now, judging from the state in which their clothes lay scattered around the room and by the selection of tools haphazardly laid on the coffee table next to them. Like they ever really had any intention to use those once here on this couch.

Paul regards the augmentations on his forearms.

He’s getting a lot of extra orientation practice to the devices through these repeats however, Paul muses. Would Hugh notice anything? Will Mushroom have hard time explaining to the doctor after all of this, how he’s so well adjusted to these things so soon after installation?

He realizes this right now as he catches himself cursing them, positioning his arms so that the ports wouldn’t chafe against their bare skins. Is it too late to rethink these apparatus?]

- Come Again

From one, where Paul regards the augmentations at Hugh’s wake:

[ Paul remembers wrapping his arms around that waist each and every night.

He shifts his arms. The spore drive ports on his forearms, beneath the layers of sleeves, suddenly feel so alien again right then.

It’s not his first time in civilian clothing with them (thanks to his insistence on own comfort wear out of the uniform), but it is the first time with them off duty, since he’s off the ship. And they feel grossly out of place in these Earthly settings.

Hugh too had come to dislike them - his own invention - as soon as it had become apparent how they were an obstruction between their embraces.

Paul should get them removed, if they’ll no longer serve a purpose.

He takes his hands out of the pockets, folds his arms over his chest and goes back to staring across the room with what must appear quite a stern look.]

- Honoring One’s Heart

There was also one about the conceiving of the idea of the augmentations, where, however, the bother factor was not yet in sight:

Doctor, Not an Engineer

And this one, which doesn’t technically count for similar 'shared bother’ reasons either, perhaps, but is a whole narrative very much build around the inconvenience of the augmentations:

Performance Issues

Plus, couple saucy ones, which I won’t list here, lest I actually ever want to share this post *ha* More below:

While at it, (and, perhaps more importantly) here are the narratives build around the idea fact (!!) of Paul living with Hugh ‘alive’ in his mind after the death - in narrative order (some already featured above, too). Hardly captured by a single quote, but for a taste:

[ He had finally heard it. The voice. Hugh’s voice trying to calm him down, “Paul. You need to let yourself be upset. You need to let the tears come.” ]

- We Are Undone, But Soldier On

[ ‘Honey? Are you drunk?’

A delightful, relieved curiosity filled Paul’s mind momentarily as he peered into the darkness of the room wide-eyed, to see where the gentle, familiar voice calling him out was coming from.

Then he remembered, and with a loud, derisive scoff sank back into his darkened state of mind, slumping back down on the couch.

“So fucking what!? If I am.” ]

- A Better Man

[ None of this should matter. Not the suit, not the event, not the crowd. Paul is not here, and Hugh is not gone. Not yet anyway. They are still very much together, and just about to leave somewhere off by themselves, once done with this circus. To enjoy each others’ company somewhere away from all of this dreary pretend. Such a presentation, and for whose sake? “You don’t mind, if I’m not honoring you in accordance to the Fleet standards, do you?” He still gets no response. Hugh hasn’t talked to him since Paul disembarked that cursed ship. He’s still here though, isn’t he? Paul would surely feel it, if the man left.]

- Honoring One’s Heart

[ “Yes. We are too damn young to be thinking about retiring yet.” Paul said and turned to look by his side instinctively, only to see there was really no-one there, of course. He let out a little huff and smiled to himself. Then turned back to face the beach in front of him, and paused to think again. “It will surely be painful to be near it all on the Discovery”, his mind went on, “but I’m not quite ready yet to let go of what we had there either”. “Our only home together?” Hugh came back beside him. “Our first home together”, Paul specified, “so far…"]

- First Home

[  “Dear, I’m home”. He can just imagine himself standing there at the door of their cabin, staring into the empty, cold room that used to be. All the pleasant memories now tainted. How exactly will this be helping him to get over? “But please, do remind me again”, Paul whispers to himself, and hears a heavy, sympathetic sigh in reply, as if preparing itself for telling him of all the ways he’s doing the right thing to move on, and how it’s proud of him for not giving up, and how it supports him, and all that fucking sentimental nonsense, it’s had to tell him already, over and over. And which yet Paul needs to hear. To keep faith. To not forget. ]

- Watching Over You

[  “Hmh”, Paul shrugs, taking in the thought, suddenly a slight twinkle in his eyes, “…but I have too much ‘unbridled passion’ you say?” he then yields, disregarding his persistent gravity, as he apprehensively turns his playful smirk at Hugh, readying himself for this blessed dream to end short. But the man stays here. Startlingly, staring right back at Paul’s surprised gaze with almost haunting clarity. Paul’s grip on the newly corporeal man tightens in a moment of incredulity. For the first time in weeks - but which feels like a year - Paul is able to see the man, to look into those loving eyes again, bathe in that radiant smile, and respond to all of the emotions he now thirstily reads from the man’s beautiful face. And fuck, if there aren’t tears on Paul’s own. The man really is right here.]

- Passion of a Vulcan Like Mind

[ He could feel Hugh’s gaze on himself. “You realize, you actually wanted me gone today?”, he heard Hugh speak out gently, “I got in your way”.

Paul’s smile turned to an anguished frown. The tone of understanding in Hugh’s voice hurt him. “Never”, he attested firmly. He lay there as still as possible, staring at the ceiling, afraid to move too much, or turn to glance at his side, lest it chased away this sensation of Hugh beside him.

“You are being stubborn again, Mushroom”, Hugh whispered with a hint of worry in his voice, “why do you still cling on so desperately?”. He was so close Paul could almost feel the breath on him - or was that the sea breeze perhaps - “You said you’d be okay, if I left - why won’t you let me then?”]

- Becalmed (alt)

[rinharu-purple]

Relationship Goals: Ch 15

Flows of tears being wiped away by the fingertips of love- dreamless night skies full of stars - a heavy heart washed clean by the rain - hot sweat and cold droplets of water-  a simple “good night” and a “good morning” - that all too well known scent - the excruciating pain of yet another “goodbye”- a blood drenched jacket that’s long lost its owner’s warmth...Name of Faith 

Being the solidifying chapter of my Gavin stanness, chapter 15 has a very special place in my heart. On the other hand, the whole chapter is the very embodiment of “relationship goals”, ensuring that in the MLQC universe MC and Gavin’s relationship is the most harmonious, mature and loving one. The chapter is about an hour-ish long so you could guess how long this analysis will take to read but it surely will be much less than it took me writing it, I promise ;)

At the end of chapter 14 MC had to say goodbye to Kiro without knowing if he would survive the fight against tens of BS men and carry the burden of being the key individual who can put an end to the out of control EVOL outrage. She was heartbroken about Lucien’s betrayal and was worried as hell about Victor’s whereabouts. She was still struggling under the overbearing weight of having to play the role of the “Queen” all the while being one of the last remaining people who still bear to think about the whole TV- tower incident. She’s found herself doubting the meaning of her existence and couldn’t help but feel as though she wouldn’t belong there. At the beginning of Ch 15  we find an MC that hit the rock bottom and is therefore deeply depressed. This is the first time she’s shown such a distressed psyché. So this is how the chapter starts...MC wakes up in her room after being hospitalized for a while, lost in thoughts and looking for reassurance in the gingko leaf bracelet on her wrist.

To have and to hold...

While she is buried in negative thoughts Gavin shows up at her place to give her the good news that there are no more signs of EVOL fluctuations and that STF’s investigation ends as of that day. This results in a real smile blossoming on MC’s face and then her concern switches to Gavin’s well-being. This first dialogue between them is already an embodiment of the foundation of their relationship. Gavin and MC’s main concern is always the well-being of the other. Sure, Gavin and MC always put others before themselves so they both have an altruistic character, however if protecting any other person would mean their s/o getting hurt, then they prioritize each other. We get to see what it means in the second half of the chapter. MC is worried about Gavin’s injuries, Gavin is worried about MC’s emotional state, MC is worried that she makes Gavin worry about her, Gavin is worried that MC worries about him worrying about her, thus keeping her real thoughts inside- not- opening up about them to him. That’s a vicious cycle which needs to be broken and that is exactly what our best boi does by reassuring her that she doesn’t need to put up a front and that she could tell him whatever is eating at her...anytime at all. That guy is already 3 steps ahead of her when it comes to worrying so he pulls her out of her self-agonizing overthinking bubble with those simple words which work like a charm. MC feels as though her heart was slowly lifted up by two hands out of a ravine. So she finally tears down the walls surrounding her agony and lets her tears flow and Gavin wipe them away and he brings the sunshine back into her heart.

Ever since her father’s passing MC didn’t much have anyone to open up to about her most bothering concerns or a shoulder to cry on. Gavin sees this crystal clear and encourages her to tell him about it all, cry it all out and also manages to lift her spirits up. He knows instinctively what she needs at that moment. She is broken, she is lost and she is stripped of her self-worth. Gavin can relate to this state all too well, because he too has been there when his mother died. He knows that she doesn’t need any encouraging talks or sweets or a scientific explanation to her feelings. At that moment, all she needs is warmth and a safe space to process what she is going through thoroughly. Which is why Gavin simply offers her to share what’s eating at her with him and cry all she wants. He doesn’t do anything beyond that. He NEVER EVER PUSHES HER TO DO ANYTHING! He just stays by her side in silence, giving her space...a warm space and the rest unravels from itself.  GOAL #1 Find someone who can feel your troubles, address them with care and share your burden with you. Someone who gives you a safe space to feel down without feeling ashamed of yourself. Someone who makes what’s yours theirs. 

For better, for worse... 

Gavin is aware of the fact that his words can give her comfort, but he also knows that she hasn’t told him the whole story yet. She needs to feel self-worthy again and go back to her true, kind and brave self. So he arranges a Ferris wheel ride in the middle of the night to show her the bright side that she fails to see at the moment. If MC had been asleep then he would’ve just tried another night but much to his luck she was standing on her balcony, lost in her thoughts, gazing at the bracelet he gave her and confiding in it. So he sweeps her off her feet once again and takes her to the construction site. He shows her from the cabin the world she succeeded in saving and that the world which is still turning thanks to her. She is the savior and not the burden and most certainly not a burden to Gavin. Neither with her negative feelings nor with her presence. She belongs there where she is and Gavin appreciates her existence. Because she didn’t only save the world but also him, many times, she caught him while he was falling. However, MC believes that its always been Gavin who was always there to catch her from falling. Their feelings and thoughts are again mirroring each other. Both of them are invested equally in their journey together, both have saved the other. Hearing this, MC finally opens up about her true feelings and lets the tears flow, and those tears are again wiped away by Gavin. When the wheel reaches its zenith, MC and Gavin are in a tight embrace and MC is finally almost back to her usual self: “With it, he took all my tears, all the unsaid words, all my worries and regrets. At that moment, it felt like the walls around my heart had fallen, letting in countless rays of sun. All the unease, suffering, doubt, pain and hesitation just evaporated”. Once they get off the wheel and they run/fly hand in hand under the summer rain, MC feels like Gavin has always been by her side all over the past years and her heart’s worry and gloom is washed away by the rain. This is a very crucial thing for their relationship, because they were separated for six whole years and yet now MC feels like he were always by her side, watching her from afar, accompanying her in her journey. 

On a side note, Ferris wheel and the gingko bracelet have become the main symbols of their relationship. The bracelet represents their bond with each other regardless of the distance separating them and I am certain that the bracelet doesn't have any tracker on it to be honest but it helps MC to cool down when feeling upset or sad by reminding her of Gavin, her precious moments with him, his love for her, and that he will always be there for her. The Ferris wheel on the other hand is their journey. Each time they ride the Ferris wheel together their spirits are lifted up alongside with the cabin. Once it reaches its zenith they consummate their love for each other once again, no matter if it's on a date with a kiss or in CH 15 when MC tells Gavin her true feelings and Gavin addresses them directly resulting of them reciprocating their importance for each other. GOAL #2: A relationship is much like a Ferris Wheel. It goes up, it goes down, then goes up again. It's not always a bed of roses, there are many thorns during the ride. The important thing is to go through both phases hand in hand. 

This whole episode names Gavin as the source of MC’s sense of safety, courage and faith. MC feels herself the safest and most serene around him. Their night together at MC’s home is a strong evidence to this. Up to CH 15 and in the following episodes, MC has constant nightmares almost every night.  But when she sees the faint ray of light from the crack of her bedroom door, she finally enjoys a night’s sleep without nightmares or worries. Knowing that Gavin is on the other side of her door gives her the deepest sense of peace. This happens again in CH 26 btw. and I think the original idea was for them to sleep in the same bed in CH 15 but then abandoned due to obvious reasons... As far as I know Gavin is the only LI who sleeps in MC’s apartment so it shows the level of trust she has towards him. No matter what’s happening during the dates, in the mean story MC is not canonically that close with any of the guys, so it truly shows how safe she feels around Gavin, knowing that he wouldn’t overstep his boundaries. And she couldn’t be more correct, since Gavin leaves before she wakes up, making sure that none of them feel awkward in the morning and leaving the place as he found it, but not before leaving a note which gives her a reassurance that he is going to send somebody to keep an eye on her and ends with a simple “good morning”. Gavin is a very considerate guy, who doesn’t miss any hint thrown at him. After hearing MC not being able to sleep without wishing him good night, he realizes how important this simple wish is for her. So he makes sure to wish her a good morning, whether he is there to say it face to face or not. GOAL #3: Be with someone, with whom you can fell safe and be yourself around them. Someone whose presence chases your fears and nightmares away . Someone who knows what your values are and respects them.

In sickness and in health...

Not long after having a heart to heart conversation, MC and Gavin find themselves in a dispute over Perry. MC wants to stay by Perry’s side with the hopes of being able to help him but also come closer to the truth about her father. Gavin is not happy with the idea since he’s lost his EVOL and is dubious about Leto’s intentions so if any danger were to strike, he might not be able to protect MC. Despite this he agrees with MC’s wish in terms of her not putting herself in danger and that he would stay by her side. The second time the topic comes up, Gavin outright forbids her to get involved with Perry and MC in return, for the first time ever, tells him that she is going to do otherwise. This dispute arises because Gavin doesn’t tell her full story, that he’s lost his EVOL and that the STF is executing the Evolvers. MC on the other hand fails to see the situation from Gavin’s perspective or to trust him when he is so strict about keeping out of the whole ordeal. But right before they temporarily part ways she finds the courage to ask him about his worries and troubles, since she too can feel his distress, much like Gavin did hers at the beginning of the episode and offers to share his burden with him and that’s the thing. MC isn’t upset that Gavin doesn’t want her to see Perry anymore but that Gavin isn’t open with her and that he is still keeping his problems to himself. MC was hoping that he would trust her to face the truth and take on everything with him. That’s what actually hurts her the most. And Gavin is lost in this unexpected argument since he’d never had a situation like this with MC so he is torn between telling her the truth or leaving it be. Unfortunately he decides to just leave their dispute at that and leaves, not willing to have a fight with her. So they give each other the good old silence therapy for days and only after Perry reminded MC of Gavin’s good-will that she finally sends him an SMS (but only at second try, she wouldn’t send the first SMS in which she tells him that she is worried about him). Gavin is not  better either, since he is already at the hospital to check on her from afar, but is not ready to face her yet. Its a typical “earlier in the relationship dispute” so much so that MC even literally sleeps with her phone while waiting for Gavin’s text/ call/ any response at all. Even I am shocked by his level of stubbornness at this point.  The next day MC receives the bad news about Perry and leaves the hospital, letting herself get soaked in the rain. This time around without Gavin by her side, with completely different feelings, thinking that the rain can’t wash everything away. This is a pivotal realization on MC’s end, because at that very moment she realizes that Gavin was the reason of her being able to overcome her worries and face her troubles with faith and courage. Luckily for her, right when she was thinking of him, she senses his scent behind her aaaand cue “Rosy Mirror”...

Its such a lovely moment for the maturity of their relationship, despite them still getting to know each other and being the youngsters they are. So MC apologizes to him (but only going through the reasons why in her head so Gavin only hears that she is sorry) and then Gavin finally opens up, since he has realized that was the mistake on his part, not telling her about his true worries. So without further ado he tells her about his insecurities about the possibility of not being able to protect her since their downfall from the TV tower, about him losing his Evol, about following her for a while from behind without knowing what to do. And that’s pretty much all it takes for them to overcome their dispute, since it was a relatively small dispute and so MC again fells warm and dry inside, not caring about the rain. GOAL #4 There are disputes in all relationships. What’s important during those disputes is not to hurt each other’s feelings irreparably and communicate in honesty. It’s about trusting in each other’s good intentions and resolving the problem in hand with care and understanding. 

Till death do us part...

Our pair makes up and are ready for the next move but there are no happy endings in the MLQC universe...nö nö nö. Of course drama ensues as MC and Gavin find out that Perry has been kidnapped while MC’s precognitions start getting worse. But remember folks, Gav-babe is back so he calms her that as long as her precognitions are about the future, they can still change the course of events and that He trusts in her, so she also should put her trust in him too.  “That was his absolute faith in me, and his absolute reassurance for me”. We could actually roll the credits here without going further with the heart wrenching end of this chapter. 

Not long after though MC and Gavin has to face the worst of the worst...They have to witness Perry getting shot in the chest and leave him in his state, only to be greeted by the STF aiming at them by the exit of the warehouse, leading Gavin to resign from the STF. While on the run from the STF/NW, Gavin realizes that his Evol becomes extremely weak, so much so that he cannot even raise a barrier to hold back the bullets, which then results in MC getting shot on the back while trying to protect him. Not only MC’s precognition is coming true, but also Gavin is at his limit, both physically and mentally. So he is left with no choice, but to sacrifice himself and once again get separated from MC. For Gavin is Ch 15 is the worst-case scenario. The justice he has always believed in turned out to be a façade, he had to witness another child’s suffering in front of him and his raison d’être comes to the brink of losing her life because he failed to protect her. Everything that keeps him alive, everything that makes him who he is , is shattered right in front of his eyes. MC doesn’t have it any better as she can only watch as her worst nightmare comes true. The last 15-20 minutes of this chapter covers MC’s perpetual fear of being left by Gavin. She says thrice that she doesn’t want him to leave and begs him to stay (unfortunately Gavin doesn’t hear any of it). The have just built their faith in each other and yet got separated again after a brief moment of togetherness. IT becomes one of the issues that MC struggles with for at least 10 chapters, namely her fear of being left alone by Gavin.  

Here is a small comparison: All other LIs relationship with MC are doomed because of their choices: Kiro’s alternate personalities as Key (no time) and Helios (no love), Lucien’s involvement as Ares in BS or his values contradicting that of MCs, Victor’s pride and dominance as the research topic for my Phd at Boston College. Those guys actions and personalities conflicting with that of MCs are whats standing on the way of a harmonious relationship. With Gavin, these two are doomed by the seemingly endless external threats. Both Gavin and MC are constantly the main target of somebody’s plans and are under attack. Those poor babies cannot have a second of peace. As if it wasn’t enough, those parties constantly use their bond for their own means. Its Shaw using MC as a bait to provoke Gavin, its Josie telling MC that she is going to kill Gavin, its Gavin’s father using MC to convince Gavin to accept the NW plan. MC and Gavin don’t have any obstacles with regards to their own personalities or choices. They trust each other, stand by each other, understand each other’s perspective and love each other. In this chapter Elex even shows us that they could even take care of a child together for God’s sake. They...just...fit...

Unfortunately once again things unwind to their demise and Gavin, once again, has to leave MC for her sake. Before leaving her, Gavin repairs the gingko leaf bracelet brand new, so that MC can find the reassurance she seeks for on it in his absence and remind her that he will return to her side. He also leaves his jacket behind so that she can still feel his warmth. That’s his promise to her. That’s his reassurance that this is not a goodbye and that he is not ever going to leave without saying goodbye.  GOAL 5# True love is selfless, true love never dies and if two souls belong together, then nothing can keep them apart. because true love prevails. 

The chapter ends as its started. MC wakes up in her room after being hospitalized for a while, lost in her thoughts and finding reassurance in the gingko leaf bracelet on her wrist. The only difference this time around is that she wouldn’t find Gavin in her living room or hear three knocks on the door and find him standing tall in front of her... for this time around Gavin is gone...

[aworldoffandoms]

Since i love ethan and nic alotttt... i have some questions for them... in your world...

1. Does ethan and nic get married

2. Do they have kid(s)? If yes how many? Name(s) if possible

3. Does ethan write a second book?

4. Does nic surpass ethan and take over diagnostic team?

5. Do they stay in boston or move out of boston

6. How close is ethan with nic's parents

7. How does he propose if they ever get married?

8. Do they stay in same place of ethan's or buy a new house?

9. Does tobias and ethan become frnds again(jn your universe as its still goin in canon😂)

10. And your backstory on nick's frnds?

11. Will louise stay in their life? If u have chosen to forgive her?

12. Your predictions on oh3? And do u want a book 4? I still dont know how i am going to get over dr husband if book 3 is the last one😂

13. Ship name for ethan and nic?😁🤩

Sorry this so long..♥️😘 love your writing and ethan and nic a LOT LOT LOT.....♥️

Hope u answer this🤞 will be waiting for answers...

Lots of love

Xoxo

Hi! Don’t apologise! I live for these kinds of anons!  I am excited to get this underway so without further ado, here is my HC about Ethan and Nicolette’s future etc... 1. Does ethan and nic get married?

Yes, Ethan and Nicolette get married. Ethan pops the question after two years of being together offically and when she is just starting her fellowship. Nic says yes, of course. 

2. Do they have kid(s)? If yes how many? Name(s) if possible

Yes, they do. Nicolette and Ethan have four kids. Twins, Dolores and Hudson and then another son, Jonah and then their youngest daughter, Harmony.  You can read about them here

3. Does ethan write a second book?

He does, but it’s co-written with Nicolette. They publish it on their fifth wedding anniversary. 

4. Does nic surpass ethan and take over diagnostic team?

Yes, she does. She’s only Head of Diagnostics for a couple years before she becomes pregnant with the twins so Jackie takes over.

5. Do they stay in boston or move out of Boston

They move. Ethan moves with Nicolette when she gets a prestigious position to work at one of the top hospitals in the country and Ethan goes because he loves her and he wants to see her grow in her own career without holding her back in any way.

6. How close is ethan with nic's parents

Well, I’m still getting to that considering I still need to finish the family reunion mini-series I’m in the process of getting back to writing about lol but, in the end? Yes. Ethan is very close to Nic’s parents. Particularly Nicolette’s mother who he feels is like the mother he never had and he’s eternally grateful for Nicolette for that.

7. How does he propose if they ever get married?

I wrote this in a particular writing challenge and it’s basically the same. Ethan proposes in front of Edenbrook because that is where they first met and it’s the place where he saw how kind-hearted, compassionate and determined Nicolette is and Edenbrook will hold a special place in Ethan’s heart just for that reason alone.

8. Do they stay in same place of ethan's or buy a new house?

No to the staying at Ethan’s place and yes to the buying a new house. They buy a house together and they do after just getting married. They move outside of the city and live in the suburbs (close enough to Edenbrook that it doesn’t take them like an hour to get to work haha) for a while before they move across the country so Nicolette can make a name for herself in the medical field which Ethan was happy to do.

9. Does tobias and ethan become frnds again(jn your universe as its still goin in canon😂)

Hmm...tbh, I think they might? Tobias admires the change in Ethan since Nicolette has into his life. And Ethan admires Tobias’ tenacity and confidence but they’ll always be that little voice in Ethan’s head saying ‘is he really my friend?’ and when he voices it to Nicolette she just rolls her eyes and tells him to get over it 😂 He’s got a family now. He has more important things to worry about lol

10. And your backstory on nick's frnds?

Hmm... she had a few friends in high school which she stayed in contact with during college but slowly lost contact since all of them wanted to settle down and have kids (too early in Nicolette’s mind) and one best friend in medical school which she sees on occasion when she goes back to California to visit her family but since being so busy with Edenbrook she’s kinda got new ones now and their names are Sienna (her best friend), Elijah, Aurora, Jackie and Bryce.

11. Will louise stay in their life?  If u have chosen to forgive her?

In my playthrough, I chose for Ethan to forgive Louise because everyone deserves a second chance (even though she’s shady af) but in my HC, Ethan and Louise don’t have a relationship. Ethan’s wiped his hands of her and he sees Nicolette’s mother as more of his maternal figure and that’s all he cares about. 

12. Your predictions on oh3? And do u want a book 4? I still dont know how i am going to get over dr husband if book 3 is the last one😂

Hmm... my predictions of OH3... 

Well, considering we are up to chapter 7 I’d say that:

Tobias will definitely turn on the team, even though we went out for that lunch, I have a feeling that Tobias is a double agent and is reporting to Bloom. 

Bryce will end up killing someone or at least second-guess himself all the time and grow out of his obnoxious arrogance and become a better doctor and surgeon for it (I want him to succeed bc i love him).

Bloom will get Ethan fired. 

Bloom will definitely do something illegal and that will get him in the shit and MC will have to testify against him.

Everyone will pass their boards....maybe Sienna (or she might not considering how anxious she is about it) will but I have a feeling that she’ll transfer specialities to pediatrics considering she spends most of her time there. 

The the book will either end with all MC’s friends going off to different hospitals oooor a massive cliffhanger that will solidify a OH4 because pb likes the draaammmaaaaa.

I reaaalllly hope we get OH4 because I love this series so much and I don’t want it to end because the OH gang are one of my faves (and Ethan, duh lol) but yeah, with how OOC the characters are at the moment, I don’t see a OH4 on the horizon...yet...and that makes me really sad. If there is no, OH4 or at least Open Heart becoming the new TRR then I might forget about Choices altogether bc I’m losing interest. With pb abandoning RoD and Hero and all the others...PB’s just digging themselves a whole they won’t come out of. 

I don't know how I’ll deal with no more OH or Ethan either if we don’t get OH4. I’ll probs be depressed for a while but at least I have fanfic to keep me happy haha

13. Ship name for ethan and nic?😁🤩

Omg! I have no idea 😂 Nicohan? Maybe? Someone make one up! haha.

Thank you so much for this ask, anon! I had fun! Thank you for sticking with my stories! It means a lot 💕

[tsukkisbean]

what else is out there

pairing: bf!tetsurou kuroo x gn!reader (ft. yuuji terushima)

theme: university au

genre: angst

warnings: breaking up, swearing, underage drinking, smoking, mentions of drugs (weed), mentions of sex, possible cheating (you be the judge), brief making out

word count: 2.5k

a/n: hello!! this is the first angst i’ve ever written so i’m kind of nervous about posting it. but if i don’t write i’ll never improve!!! i would love any feedback or comments in general :’)

b/f/n = best friend’s name; terushima will be referred to as yuuji given western culture; 

music: i don’t have a specific song but i recommend any lewis capaldi song!

summary: as your second year of university comes to a close, your 8th anniversary with tetsuro is right around the corner. despite attending university on the other side of the world, your relationship has never been stronger. everyone around you always tells you how lucky you are to have found “the one” so early on in life; how lucky you are to have such a committed and loving boyfriend. but what happens when a single question from a drunken classmate causes your relationship to fall into a downwards spiral?

You glance at the clock on your phone for the nth time, uncertain why you were feeling so nervous. You mindlessly play with the silver ring on your ring finger; a gift from Tetsu. The day you were due to fly to America he had given you a promise ring to solidify your love for each other. The two of you had a plan; you’d finish your education at your respective universities and then you’d return to Japan to find and a job. Once you worked for a couple of years you’d finally get married, buy a house, have kids and spend the rest of your lives together.

Maybe you were just feeling anxious about your exam from last week. After all, you didn’t put much effort into studying as it was your last exam of the school year and all you wanted to do was let loose.

Or maybe it was what Yuuji had said to you the other night.

Three days ago

You weren’t usually the type to go to frat parties, but your best friend had been begging you to go with her all week, and for some reason you just couldn’t turn her down this time.

As you approached the frat house you noticed the unhealthy amount of people already wasted on the front lawn well before 10pm. You gripped your best friend’s hand as you walked through the door, the mixed smell of smoke, weed and alcohol instantly filled your lungs.

Together you ventured through the sea of college students towards the kitchen area hoping to find some more familiar faces.

“Y/N, B/F/N, over here!” you caught a glimpse of blonde hair, instantly recognizing him to be Yuuji Terushima. You weren’t extremely close but the two had many mutual friends so you interacted fairly often. Not to mention he was also from Japan so it was nice to also have someone to talk to about home once in awhile.

“I’m surprised to see you here Y/N I assumed you had to call your boyfriend or something.” At the time you weren’t sure if it was the fact that he was drunk, but the way he looked at you when he spoke made you feel uneasy.

Your best friend downed a shot before wagging a finger at the blonde hair boy, “shut UP, Yuuji, you’re just jealous that you can’t hold a relationship for longer than a month.”

Yuuji quickly held his hands out in defense, shaking his head, “nah, I’m just saying whenever we invite Y/N out they always say they have to study or call that they have to call their boyfriend. Since exams are over I just assumed.”

You pursed your lips, eyes darting between your circle of friends and the numerous shots scattered across the table. You took a deep breath before grabbing one of the shots, and downed it faster than your brain could process. The burning sensation in your throat was unfamiliar, almost painful, causing you to break out into a coughing fit.

Immediately another cup is pressed against your lips and as you drank the cool liquid, the bitter taste in your mouth is slowly washed away.

Yuuji gave your back a gentle pat, “Geez Y/N, first you’re at a frat party and now you’re downing vodka for the first time. Try not to lose all your firsts tonight, alright?”

“Hey, at least they don’t have to worry about losing their virginity still unlike some people.”

Howls and hoots erupted from all around but all you could think about was how red you must’ve looked. After all, what they had said about you wasn’t exactly true.

Yuuji noticed the troubled look on your face, a smirk spread across his own. He leaned in towards you, his lips gently pressed against your ear  “Y/N don’t tell me you’re a virgin?”

You whipped your head towards him, your embarrassment now replaced with annoyance, “Yuuji I don’t know who you think you are but that’s none of your business.”

Yuuji shrugged his shoulders, taking another gulp out of his solo cup before he glanced back at you. You had noticed it earlier but tried to shake it off as him being drunk, but it was definitely there. The look of longing and lust clouded his eyes. Before you could react, his arms planted themselves on either side of your body.

“Y/N don’t you ever wonder what else is out there?”

Present

It’s well past your agreed call time with Tetsu, yet he hasn’t sent you any messages to tell you that he was going to be late or that he needed to reschedule. Unlocking your phone, you open your boyfriend’s contact info and press dial.

Ring, ring, ring. No response.

You click his number again, wondering where he could be. This was your usual weekly call time so it wasn’t like him to go missing. As your phone dials, you hear a familiar ring in the distance. You stay still as the ringing grows louder, it couldn’t be? You reach Tetsu’s voicemail once again so you hang up and the distant ringing also stops.

The silence in your apartment is cut by three quick knocks on your door. Dropping your phone on the kitchen table you rush to open the door, and on the other side is none other than your boyfriend.

“Tetsu!” you body automatically launches itself into his arms, his familiar scent filling your lungs. His grip on you is strong as he nuzzles himself into the crook of your neck.

“Hey baby, glad to know you missed me too.” the dark hair boy chuckles before setting you down, “so, are you going to invite me in or what?”

You grab his suitcase, gently shoving him inside, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were coming.”

Your boyfriend lets out another hearty laugh before turning to flick your forehead, “well that’s the whole point of a surprise, dummy. Besides, it’s almost our 8th anniversary and I wanted to spend it with you in person rather than over a face time call.”

Stumbling back upon the impact you press your palms against your head, glaring up at the male in front of you. But before you get the chance to scold him, you’re shoved against the wall and his hands begin to roam your body before settling comfortably on your hips. For a moment the two of you say nothing, only basking in each others’ presence.

But the longer the two of you stare at each other, the more uncomfortable you feel yourself become. The initial shock and excitement of seeing him has already worn off. It’s been months since you last saw Tetsu, you should feel ecstatic that he’s here, but instead a tight feeling settles in your chest.

Your thoughts are interrupted by a familiar warmth against your lips. His lips move against yours frantically, as if you were going to disappear into thin air. Yet, no matter how hard you try, you can’t match his intensity.

Tetsu sighs against your lips before pulling away. He leans back slightly, eyes boring into you, “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

The question catches you off guard, “what do you mean? I’m fine.”

The tall male frowns at you, running a hand through his hair, “you’re not fine, you’ve been acting weird for the past couple of days and I want you to tell me what’s on your mind.”

You lower your head, eyes glued to the floor as you rub your palms against your pants. You try to calm yourself but it’s no use, you know the inevitable is coming and there’s no way around it.

You can’t help it, you try hard but your eyes betray you before you can say anything. The tears roll down your face onto the hardwood floors.

“I’m sorry Tetsu, I’m so sorry.”

Tetsu is taken by surprise at the appearance of your water works. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you into a tight embrace, “please baby, tell me what’s bothering you.”

Though he was the one that asked, he had a slight suspicion about what was going on. The last 3 days you hadn’t been responding to his text messages much. Asides from the time difference you took hours to respond and when you did your messages were only a couple of words long.  Yet you were always updating your social medias, showcasing delicious food or gorgeous scenery. 

After a few minutes, he pulls away from you. His heart is pounding against his chest, and feels like the entire world is weighing down on his shoulders.

“Y/N do you want to break up with me?”

You slump to the ground, your whimpers slowly turn into loud sobs filling the space of your apartment. Why were you crying? You weren’t the one being dumped and yet here you were, blubbering like a child. Bringing the back of your hand to your face, you do your best to wipe away your tears and stable your breathing.

Slowly, you lift your head to look into the eyes of the man who’s heart you probably just ripped out. He bends down to meet your eyes and when you see his, they’re full of sadness, pain and betrayal.

“Y/N...why? Did I do something wrong? Is it because of something I said or something I did? I’m sorry if I did, you know I love you and that I never want to hurt you.”

You shake your head furiously, feeling your eyes start to well up again. You’re unsure how to answer, because you know Tetsu had done nothing wrong. In fact, he’s done everything right up until this point. He texts you good morning and night every day, and always pushes you to be your best self. He constantly tells you he loves you and why he’s thankful to have you in his life. So why exactly were you trying to break something that didn’t need to be broken?

“No Tetsu, you didn’t do anything. This is my problem, I-” you’re cut off by Tetsu’s hand making contact with the wall.

“Y/N don’t give me any form of that, “it’s not you it’s me bullshit” ‘cause I’m not buying it.”

You meet his eyes again but this time, they’re filled with pure rage. You try to press yourself against the wall more, but there’s no where left for you to go. You’re caged in between his arms, “you still haven’t answered me. Why?”

Running a shaky hand through his hair he barely makes out a whisper this time, “Is there someone else?”

You would never cheat on Tetsu, he was supposed to be the love of your life. Right? Your mind begins to flashes bits and pieces of the party from the other night. Countless shots for hours on end, laughing until your stomach hurt, and maybe a couple of innocent touches here and there. Stumbling up the stairs hand in hand, giggling like children. Waking up in a random bedroom, hair in disarray, half clothed and your limbs tangled up with a familiar blonde hair boy. You squeeze your eyes shut, shaking your head. You would never.

He hates himself for even bringing it up but he needs to know. All he needs is confirmation that no one else stands between the two of you. That way, maybe, just maybe you two could work things out. But he sees the way you tense up at his question. Your fingers curl and uncurl themselves and your eyes look anywhere but his.

Tetsu’s voice brings you back to reality, “Y/N is there someone else?”

Before you can say anything, your phone goes off. Tetsu pushes against the wall to stand up and heads towards the kitchen to where your phone is. You scramble after him, but it’s too late he already has your phone in your hand.

“So, Y/N, have you decided that you want to see what else is out there?”

As he finishes reading the text message, his voice cracks. The pain in his voice is unmistakable. He slumps onto the ground with a thud, your phone following suit. As you look down at him, his large frame has never looked so small to you before. He begins to shake, and this time it’s his sobs that fill your apartment.

Slowly, you shuffle towards him. You get onto your knees and reach out to wipe his tears away but he catches your hand before you can move any closer.

“8 years. I gave you 8 fucking years and this is what you do.” his breathing is laboured yet his words are cold and sharp.

You open your mouth to speak but he cuts you off again, “Y/N we had a plan. We were supposed to finish school, get married, buy a house, and have kids. We were supposed to be happy.”

You shake your head and try to explain, “Tetsu, I swear nothing happened, it’s just...” at this point were you trying to convince him or yourself?

He held up your left hand between the two of you, “just what? We made a promise to each other, remember? Does all of that mean nothing to you?”

You furrow your brows as your eyes begin to sting once more, “I know we did and I’m sorry. I can’t even express how sorry I am to you. You’ve given me so much these past 8 years. I never wanted to hurt you like this.” You burrow your face into your hands as your sobs become overwhelming.

He reaches out to cup your face in his hands, tilting your head upwards to look at him. His face is stained with tears, and the area around his eyes is red but for some reason he can’t bring himself to stay angry at you, “Y/N, please look at me.”

When you look into his eyes again, you can no longer read his expression.

“My love.” the sudden softness strikes a chord in your heart, was this really what you wanted? “This entire time you’ve only been saying how sorry are you. If you really want to leave me, you’ll have to tell me yourself.” 

You place your hands on top of his, and squeeze your eyes shut, enjoying his warmth momentarily. Your mind glosses over the past 8 years you’ve shared together. You think about your first kiss, your first date, meeting each others’ parents for the first time. You think about how you attended all his volleyball games and how he would send a special hand signal to you every time he scored a point or blocked a spike. You think about how he ran onto the stage during your graduation ceremony to declare his undying love for you.

When you open your eyes, you find him staring intently back at you. His eyes are filled with so much love and hope. It’s almost as if he’s silently pleading for you to come to your senses. He hopes that you’ll realize that he is and has always been your happy ending. Yes he was hurting, but nothing would hurt more than you walking out of his life forever.

Your grip around his hands tighten as you lean forward to press your foreheads together.

“Testu, let’s break up.”

[chilling-seavey]

Passchendaele WW2 Extension - Who We Were and What We Are

T/W: Detailed descriptions of war violence, blood, injury, death, and physical and mental trauma

Mum & Dad,

The biggest day of our last four/five years is upon us this morning and in a few hours, we will decide the fate of Europe. I’ve been trying to tell myself it’s just another routine dogfight we’re flying into but I can’t help but feel sick with worry. This is the most important offensive of the whole war so far and we’re going in completely unprepared. At least, that’s how it feels. Am I even old enough for this? A mere twenty-six years old and I feel no older than I was when I left home…or left for my first day of kindergarten at that. I’ve grown a lot since I was last home and sometimes I wonder if you’d even still recognise me…I’m not the same timid teenager you kissed goodbye on our front porch all those years ago and, truthfully, I can hardly recognise myself sometimes. I like to hope that despite all the changes and the growing and the experiences, I’m still making you proud. Everything I do, I do for you.

I must say goodbye now. We’re due to the planes by 0530 and takeoff is at 0600. I will write you again as soon as we land. I hope I will at least be able to enjoy the sunrise this morning.

I love you to all the ends of the universe.

Your son,

Richie

June 6, 1944 – Outskirts of Bayeux, France, 0857hr

It was too quiet. The cruelest kind of cliché when Charlie fluttered his eyes open to the blue sky above him and nothing but silene surrounding him. Only when he concentrated could he hear the very faint sound of gunfire in the far distance. It was all too quiet. He took a second to process where he was and why he was sprawled out on a field in an unknown location but his questions were answered when he carefully pushed himself up into a sitting position and saw his plane mostly smashed to pieces and engulfed in flames a few metres away.

When his memory returned to him as to what had happened, Charlie’s eyes went wide and he looked around him, breathing out a rough, “Richie?”

There was just silence.

“Richard.” Charlie pushed himself to his feet and cried out in agony as his ankle was most definitely twisted and he stumbled a moment before catching his balance on his other foot. The blow of the engine and the impact of the crash had thrown him from the plane and he was lucky he didn’t suffer any worse damage.

But his own damage wasn’t what Charlie was worried about as he limped across the grass with his eyes scanning the surroundings for his missing best friend.

“Richie?” he called again. There was no answer. Charlie hobbled towards the wreck of the plane, only discovering the onset of searing pain on his arm and the burn that had ripped his uniform sleeve and stained his skin a blotchy angry red. The fire burned on, surprisingly having not taken most of the plane yet while the front half was destroyed to smithereens by the impact.

“Richard!” Charles called again, slightly louder with more desperation as he approached the plane.

There was an ever so faint call from the inside, “Charlie.”

Charles rushed over to the shattered glass windows of the cockpit to reveal his best friend still in his somewhat intact seat. Richard peered up at him behind tear filled tired blue-grey eyes, his hair still tucked under his helmet and drenched in sweat down to his uniform. He was sitting perfectly still, almost unmoving, and solely because a broken piece of the plane’s wing was impaled diagonally right through his middle; the streaks of white and black that were painted on the metal still visible. Richard was quite literally drenched in his own blood, his dark blue uniform stained almost black and the liquid glistened in the sun as it trickled down his front.

“Charlie.” Richard repeated shakily, his eyes brimming with frightened tears. “Charlie.”

“You’re fine, Richie.” Charlie spoke as strongly as he could possibly manage. He started to tug aside the broken pieces of metal that were making up the plane to find a way to let his best friend free. It was reasonably easy with how shattered the plane was by the impact and the sides fell away like there was nothing holding them together in the first place.

“You took so long to wake up, Charlie.” Richard breathed weakly. “I-I don’t know how long but…but it felt like ages.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Richie. I’m here now. We’re going to get you to the medic tent, okay? We’re going to see Frankie, okay?”

Richard’s nose scrunched up as he looked down at himself and his state, “She’ll be upset with me.” His small sob made him cry out in pain, “Ouch, Charlie, it hurts!”

Charles ignored the searing burning of hot metal on his hands as he managed to pick the rest of the plane apart to make room to help Richard out. He then reached into the cockpit slowly, carefully avoiding the shrapnel of metal sticking out of his best friend’s abdomen, and unbuckled his seatbelt. Richie winced as he maneuvered his arm out of the belt and Charlie tossed it aside before stepping closer and leaning in, “Okay, Richie, can you hold onto me?”

Richard weakly raised his hands up and draped them around Charlie’s shoulders, shrieking in agony as his movement only shifted the metal in his torso, “No! I can’t!”

Charlie tugged Richie out of the plane despite his loud cries in protest and with Charlie’s twisted ankle, they ended up just falling backwards onto the grass ungracefully anyway, both landing with a heavy thud. Richard groaned loudly in pain, smacking his best friend’s arm.

“Fuck you, you fucking bastard, it hurts!” Richard wailed, hot tears pouring down his face as his body ached in fresh agony, rolling onto his side slightly to take the pressure off the piece of metal that was lodged through his opposite hip, “Oh God!”

Charlie scrambled to his feet and took stand over him, holding out his hands to him and trying not to look at the steady flow of blood that was now staining the green grass, “Come on, Richie. Take my hands.”

Richard shut his eyes tightly and cried, his chest heaving with panicked and weak breathlessness, “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can! You need to, Richard Zachary Besson. Take my hands.”

Richie’s weeping was falling more into a soft whimpering, the pinks of his cheeks fading into a pale white, and his breathing was turning into shallow shuttering inhales. He was weak; and not in the term of lack of bravery but by the fact that he seemed to only have mere moments of life left in him.

“Charlie.”

His weak call seemed to be proof enough that they weren’t going to be going anywhere. Charlie dropped to his knees at his side against the grass and he pulled off his best friend’s suffocating helmet and tossed it out of the way to let the cool spring air ruffle through his sweaty brown hair. Charlie rested a hand against Richie’s cheek and set his two fingers gently under his ear to find his pulse. It was weak. Charlie swallowed back the lump growing in the back of his throat and he bowed his head a moment in the realization of the reality of their current situation.

“Charlie…” Richard breathed shakily, reading out for him and Charles took his hand in his lovingly, “tell my Dad I wasn’t scared.”

Charlie’s face scrunched up in his heartbreak, holding onto his best friend’s soft hand a little tighter and having to endure his last messages.

Richard stared up at him with tears trickling down his cheeks, “Christ...I am scared, Charlie. But…d-don’t tell him that, okay? Tell him I was brave f-for him...him and Mum.”

Charlie nodded.

Richie blinked slowly, his eyebrows furrowing and he stared up at Charlie curiously as if he had forgotten how they had gotten there. Charlie wanted to say something – anything – to somehow console his dying best friend, but it was as if he had forgotten how to speak, his brain almost refusing to let him say anything as if one word would solidify the fact that he was losing him. Richard glanced down at his blood-soaked body with the shard of metal sticking up through the bottom right side of his stomach.

“Oh Christ…that’s not good.” Richard breathed, letting his head fall gently back against the grass. “Oh, God, please help me.” 

Charlie reached into the front pocket of Richie’s uniform and pulled out his own family photograph he always kept in there. He held it up to him so he could see it from where he laid on the grass.

Richard smiled weakly, his eyes getting heavy and he reached his other hand that wasn’t holding Charlie’s up to take the small photograph from him. He stared at it a moment, running his blood stained thumb over the faces of his family; his sister, his mother, and then his father, lingering on the last for a moment. His heart was working overtime to try and keep him alive but the lack of oxygen to his brain was getting him weaker and weaker until he was almost in a daze-like state. He looked younger like that.

Richie let a small smile tug at the corner of his dry mouth as he stared at his picture and mumbled out, “That’s my Daddy.”

“Yeah.” Charlie whispered, swallowing back the break in his voice. “They love you so much. More than anything in the whole universe. Can you feel it?”

Richard nodded slightly, setting the photograph against his shuttering chest. He licked his pale lips weakly and his eyebrows furrowed a moment against the throbbing pain that was radiating through his body, “I’m sleepy, Charlie.”

“I know. I’m right here.” Charles whimpered lightly, running his thumb over his best friend’s knuckles. They boys stared at each other a moment, blue eyes locked through their different shades, the eyes they were most familiar with, especially in the past four years. Richard blinked slowly up at his best friend and Charlie took a soft inhale before speaking strongly, “I love you, Richie.”

Richard couldn’t manage a smile in his state as he breathed out a quiet, “I love you, Charlie.” and then his eyes fell closed as if he simply drifted to sleep.

Charles bit his lip hard and leaned down to press a soft kiss to Richie’s pale forehead, “Tell Uncle Christian I said hello…he’s gonna take such good care of you.”

He sat there for a moment, unmoving, in lonely silence that settled heavy on his heart. It was the first time in years that he had ever been alone. The silence pounded in his head. Charlie took a shuttering inhale and looked around at his surroundings from the destroyed plane to the farmland that stretched for miles and the dirt road that ran left to right a few yards away from the field they were in. The movement of Richie’s limp hand slipping out of Charlie’s light grasp brought his attention back to him and Charlie clenched his jaw to try and keep his composure as he slumped from his knees onto his bum on the blood-soaked grass.

He stared at the lifeless body of his best friend, the one he grew up with and went through life with, and he couldn’t hold in the blubbery sob that fell from his lips. Charlie couldn’t think of anything but the terrible pain in his heart as he let himself cry bravely in the empty fields of German controlled France. He was surrounded by the enemy but that was the last worry on his mind. The guilt almost overpowered the sadness, floods of pointing fingers filled his mind: ‘if I had just turned earlier’ ‘if I had just helped him out of his belt before we crashed’ ‘if I just got to him sooner’.

Each regretful thought made the pain worse until Charlie was truly wailing uncontrollably, not even trying to stay quiet as hot tears poured down his face and his breath fell rapid until he was getting lightheaded. His right hand clung onto Richie’s desperately as if he was trying to cry the life back into him, but it was truly no use.

The sound of a truck engine approaching from the distance didn’t process in Charlie’s mind as he was too hung up on his sorrow and his grief to notice. The sounds of his crying led the vehicle to the opening of the farm field he had crashed in, the men inside the bed of the truck with rifles at the ready in case it was the enemy they came across. Thankfully for Charlie, the truck belonged to the American paratroopers that had dropped behind the German lines in the middle of the night, and with one glance to the intact tail-end of the British Spitfire and the young man in the Allied uniform, the men lowered their weapons.

One of the officers jumped out of the truck and headed over to aide Charlie, draping his rifle over his shoulder. Charlie looked up at him as he approached but didn’t even make an effort to stop crying; he simply sat there like a punished little boy and sobbed himself dizzy under the concerned stare of the older American man. The surname Lewis was embordered on the breast of his green uniform and his blue eyes were furrowed in concern, blonde hair still surprisingly neat under his cap, and he crouched down on the other side of Richie’s body to reach a hand out to Charlie’s shoulder.

He glanced at Charlie’s own nametag before looking the young man in his eyes, “Seavey, is it? You’re going to have to try and calm down a little…the Germans have us surrounded right now and it’s not safe for you to be wailing like this, you understand me?”

Charlie only cried on as if he couldn’t even hear what the man was saying. It felt like he could only concentrate on the ringing in his ears and his own rapid heartbeat and could barely clue into the faded mumbling of the strange officer in front of him. He just clung tighter onto Richie’s cold hand and lifted their held hands together in front of his face to give himself some sort of privacy to cry.

“We’re headed towards the Allied station now. Come along with us and we can get you set up in the nurses’ tent to make sure you’re not injured.” Sergeant Lewis offered.

“I-I’m not leaving him.” Charlie finally quieted down enough to speak, his voice wavering greatly, and he clutched tighter onto Richie’s hand.

“You’ve got to now, buddy. He’s gone.”

“No.” Charlie said through his teeth, grabbing the front of Richie’s blood-soaked uniform as he hiccupped lightly. “I’m not leaving him.”

The Sergeant glanced back to his truckful of men and waved some of them over to help get Charlie up. A couple soldiers came across the grass and stepped carefully around the body to help lift Charlie to his feet.

“No!” Charlie shouted, yanking his arms away from them and threw himself across Richard’s still chest, wrapping his arms around him tightly, “I’m not leaving him!”

The Americans tried to reason with him and get him to quiet down but Charlie just sobbed on, shaking uncontrollably as he tried to shove their hands off him.

“Come on, Seavey. Don’t make this harder on yourself or on us.” the Sergeant said as kindly as he could.

Two of the men wrapped their arms around Charlie’s middle and started to physically lift him off the ground.

“No! Richie! That’s my brother! That’s my brother!” Charlie shrieked as loud as he possibly could, his voice cracking through his sobs as he flailed in their grasp, reaching desperately out to the body at their feet as his voice echoed across the fields surrounding them. “I’m not leaving my brother!”

“Okay, alright, okay, we’ll take him with us.” Sergeant Lewis sighed, waving over a few more men to help them. Charlie quieted down as he watched two of the American Paratroopers lift Richard’s body from the grass, the photograph falling from where it had rested against his chest and Charlie dropped quickly to retrieve it. He limped quickly towards the truck after the other men, now voluntarily.

The Americans shifted around in the bed of the truck, giving Charlie a place to sit by the end of the bench and the body was passed up into his arms. Charlie felt like he was dreaming; some sort of strange out of body experience where nothing he looked at or touched felt real, barely even comprehending the tears on his cheeks that trickled down his neck or the blood that stained his hands and his uniform, only drenching him more as he held Richie close and tucked his photograph back into his pocket.

The other men in the truck stared silently at the young Brit, pitifully, worriedly, but unspeaking as they knew in each of their own ways what Charlie was feeling. Similarly, but not the same. 

The truck lurched as they continued down the dirt path towards the newly liberated city of Bayeux, and Charlie breathed as he watched the calm farmland pass by them and clutched his brother’s body in his arms.

Taglist: @randomlimelightxxx​ @hopinglimelight​ @jonahlovescoffee​ @hiya-its-amber​ @chanelwonders​

[snowflake-of-destruction]

A long one this time since I’m “cheating” again and posting a selection from a random old draft so I’m not empty handed.

The spray of hot water from the showerhead seemed like a blessing from a god who’d been listening to the appeals Hayner had made over hours of practice in the overcast and heavily damp--but not raining, naturally, since Roxas had promised to call struggle practice if it rained outright instead of misting on and off. Hayner adored his friend and could think no wrong of him usually, but he was beginning to develop the paranoid delusion the help of several hidden, trained water spirit monsters had been enlisted to soak up the water in the clouds and keep the rain at bay, since he knew from the pictures Olette had sent him that it had been storming heavily on the other side of town all afternoon. 

Roxas kept saying he couldn't control all the weird monsters that still periodically appeared in Twilight Town, but those white zipper mouthed haunted onesies sure seemed to answer to him, and that Vanitas guy who'd dropped by last tournament had conjured three demon bunnies that he ordered around like servants, so it sure seemed like monster training was part of the whole "keybearer" deal. Roxas had explained the different between Heartless, Nobodies, Unversed and the special situations in the latter groups--Vanitas's relationship with the Unversed and the lesser Nobodies attuned to different masters that had once been more powerful Nobodies-- but it all seemed like semantics, excuses, and gibberish. To be fair, Hayner had a hard time paying attention when it had been explained because Roxas had ripped off his shirt after practice, and was standing with his Twilight Town University Tanukis struggle jersey slung around his neck, hair matted in ways that shouldn't have been attractive but were, and arms crossed behind his head, making it difficult to focus on anything but the muscles in his arms, the progress of a bead of sweat rolling slowly down his chest, or the flex of his stomach as he spoke, especially when the warm sound of his voice was so much more interesting than words. 

If it had been strategies for their first match of the upcoming season which included a face-off for Hayner against Dawn State's champion struggler, Edward "Edge" Geraldine, he could have retained it. That was important. The ins and outs of what legions of mutants could be trained and by whom? Unless Roxas was going to tell Hayner how he could master his own mutant army, or at least cop to being chief mutant wrangler himself, it was not nearly as interesting as wondering how likely he was to be able to pass it off as testing Roxas's reflexes or just seeing what what the look on his face would be if he kissed him right then in the middle of the struggle lot. Not that he would actually do it. He respected boundaries.

Hayner knew it was pathetic to still be crushing on his best friend when Roxas had been dating the same guy for “longer than he’s been alive” as Kairi had put it (however that worked). Axel had been a constant right from the start, already wrapped around Roxas--literally, hugging him from behind, arms wrapped loosely around him and chin resting on the top of Roxas's head while he wore a rather superior look that already knew Hayner wanted what he had and that reveled in rubbing it in, or so Hayner read into it at the time--when Hayner first awkwardly, unnecessarily introduced himself to him, handed him the picture of them from the fake Twilight Town Sora had given him that he was reluctant to pass on as much as he thought Roxas should have it, and told him, "I feel like I've known you my entire life." 

Hayner tended to write Axel out of that memory though, except when he was feeling especially masochistic, and only remember Roxas smiling so wide it crinkled the corners of his eyes and his voice warbling with emotion he'd rarely show easily in such force in times after, at least not directed toward Hayner, as he replied, "Please, can we pretend you have? I don't think my heart could stand it if we ever had to be strangers."

The friendship had continued like it had started. Roxas and Hayner were connected by invisible ties, instantly in sync, inside jokes about things that never actually happened already understood and able to finish each other's sentences. They challenged each other both to be better and, in other ways, so much worse than they were separately (The incident where they switched out the scheduled movie for the outdoor theater by Tram Common with a home video of various Twilight Town denizens not aware they were being filmed sprang to mind, as did the incident with Seifer and the feathers). 

Even so, it was always Axel who had Roxas's greatest devotion, and he'd go spiraling back to the redhead like they were magnetized, even when they fought, even the year Axel took off with his ex-boyfriend ("His best friend! Isa's just his friend like you're mine!" Hayner remembered Roxas's protestations well, and the shadow of doubt and pain in his eyes that Hayner had cursed himself for not being quite selfish enough to encourage. "And they're not on vacation. They're on a mission. They're looking for someone. Axel invited me to go. I was the one who said I wanted to stay here") and they only kept in contact by gummi phone. Roxas loved Axel more than his own life; he said as much, often and with vehement determination like he expected arguments.

It wasn't that Hayner didn't want to argue, but the injustice of Roxas being skateboard in the sky, face scraping the pavement in love with Got It Memorized the Former Kidnapper instead of him was matched by the fact that Axel wasn't a jerk, a cheater, or any of the other things Hayner had tried to paint him as in his mind in the beginning. Axel was constantly mocking him, that Hayner had been right about, but, other than that, he was, as much as Hayner wished it weren't so, a pretty cool guy, funny as hell, always had your back in a fight, and loved Roxas to the point of stupidity--and Hayner was forced to respect it...mostly.

Hayner tried to tell himself that he and Roxas were too similar in all the ways that would make them get on each other's nerves (too much to prove always, too impulsive, too quick to lose their cool, too used and turning everything into competition and too committed to always being the winner) and too different in ones that would leave them working up hill when it came to trying to carve out any long-term plans as well as soon scrambling for things to talk about other than taste in bands, boards, struggle, or what a dick Seifer could be--and even those sometimes failing after Roxas had shifted to offworld music rather than local, solar boards over skateboards, and had seen a "entirely different Seifer" during his brief relationship with Xion. Even knowing each other well enough to predict each other's thoughts was a curse when you thought about how hard it would make necessary white lies or trying to end a fight when you weren't yet completely sorry, particularly considering that, when Hayner reflected on it, he found he didn't regret any mean comment he had made in his entire life. 

Hayner also tried the tactic of reasoning with himself that he loved Roxas, but wasn't even really in love with him, or even consistently in lust as Roxas could ruin any effect he had with a single flash of self awareness, the kind that tended to solidify to outright conceit and smugness (gods Roxas could preen when he remembered he was pretty) that left a bitter edge in Hayner long after it faded. Even with all these tactics though, and every bit of good advice he could tell himself, Hayner couldn't shake that feeling he'd had since he first laid eyes on Roxas in the alternate Twilight Town's group photo outside the Old Mansion. He knew in his bones he was born to love that face as surely as if soulmate imprints had stepped out of science fiction and become real alongside the magic and aliens that had come to populate Twilight Town.

Hot water made everything seem better and brighter, loosening tight muscles and sweating out every problem until it existed no more. The memory of the fall he'd taken during practice, particularly brutal to his pride if not physically devastating, when he'd spun at a bad angle that made his left knee buckle, the ankle underneath it scream, and threw off his center of gravity swirled down the drain with dirt and grit picked up from the struggle lot pavement. Soon after it went the mud Roxas had smushed through his hair when he'd ruffled it after practice, laughing and ducking away as Hayner swung at him with the bat still in his hands and managing somehow to carry on laughing harder even while wincing in pain when the bat connected with a crack. A large purple splotched bruise had already been forming by the time Roxas left the locker room after the post-scrimmage strategy talk,  still covered in a layer of half dried sweat and with his hair sticking up more than usual on one side (Roxas didn't shower on campus after practice. Hayner only made the mistake of asking about it once. Roxas showered at home. Hayner had been informed of this with a wink form Roxas and a cheerfully lewd remark about how Axel liked him dirty). Hayner was sure he'd feel guilty when he saw the bruise in full form next time he saw Roxas, but, in the moment, Hayner had thought Roxas deserved it--and even more once he started questioning where Roxas had gotten mud in the first place and what implications it had for the theory Roxas was controlling weather. 

Lathering shampoo through his now mud-free hair and scrubbing harder at his scalp than necessary to also banish continued thoughts of his blond best friend, Hayner found himself startling and nearly slipping on the slick tile of the shower floor when he heard none other than the voice he was trying to banish calling out tentatively, "Hey! Hey? Sorry for bursting in on you."

 Hayner recovered, head snapping from side to side comically as if he'd find Roxas lurking in the corner of the stall when he should have known from the distance of the voice that Roxas was likely  on the other side of the locker room with the actual lockers and benches. If that was the case though, why was Roxas apologizing for bursting in? 

Hayner was still puzzling through it when Roxas continued shouting to him, this time something with a lot higher stakes in possible meaning. "Axel's already left for Wonderland and I thought you might still be here." 

Hayner let out a strangled noise of confusion that would have been him playing it cool and asking what he could help Roxas out with if his voice hadn't betrayed him. Shampoo dripped into his eye and it took him a second to even register the burn.

"I'll just sit out here and wait for you I guess, if you don't mind?" 

Hayner was concerned he had actually slipped in the shower and hit his head and was now suffering from a dying dream or concussion. 

"You're awfully quiet." The trepidation was back in Roxas's voice, and it caused an answering sympathetic flutter of nerves to tingle down Hayner's body and rest low. "I'm not talking to a stranger, am I? Or a ghost who turned on a faucet? That would be embarrassing."

"I'm here," Hayner found his voice but it refused to cooperate beyond those two words. His body was slightly more tractable, agreeing with his brain that he needed to wash the shampoo out of his hair and attend to washing the rest of him as swiftly as possible and not keep Probably A Dream Roxas waiting. He turned the water temperature up even higher. Maybe if he boiled himself until his flesh melted he might find a backbone under his skin and actually be able to carry on a conversation (and be able to follow through with whatever Dream Roxas was proposing so he wouldn't be left with a regret that would follow him until he died). 

“Do you have a cold? Your voice sounds a little weird.” 

“Weird how?” He squeaked and then overcompensated like a sitcom character, rumbling, “Weird how?” in a gravelly tone as he turned off the water and reached for his towel.

“Less like listening to a recording of my own voice,” the wry and completely nonsensical in Hayner’s opinion, reply came, Roxas’s voice quieter but a lot closer.

“I never thought we sounded alike.” Hayner finger combed his hair and wrapped the towel securely around his waist before performing a mental countdown to pysch himself up before stepping out of the stall to meet what turned out to be a complete stranger. Hair too long and a shade too light to be Roxas’s falling over the collar of a pale blue and  sunflower print kimono jacket Roxas wouldn’t be caught dead in. The absence of a tan and the addition of freckles were further confirmation of an eerie but imperfect doppleganger, but the dumbfounded look with lack of recognition in the eyes was the real cincer.

“You’re not Roxas!” Two voices chorused in near unison.

[krisseycrystal]

rated: g

fandom: Steven Universe

prompt: “Protecting Someone You Love” + BisPearl (& Steven)

requested by: @moominquartz

i’ve been on an SU-love-fest i think alskdjflakjsdf trying to write as much as possible for this show that means so much to me now that it’s over i’m so sorry

HERE’S THE OTHER HALF OF THE REQUEST MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND @moominquartz GAVE ME !!! When he first said “write BisPearl” it was a tie between “Protecting Someone You Love” and “Competition” and I already did “Competition,” so now it’s time to finish the duet with “Protecting Someone You Love”

i got really sappy in this but shrug emoji what else is new. ENJOY

- o - o - o -

Instrumental [Read on AO3]

- o - o - o -

The broken stonework of the world bursts into dust and fragments around her. It settles on her tongue and sticks to her throat. Bismuth coughs and hacks to try to get it out, but time is passing strangely and she’s not in full control of her limbs. Reality has been cut and pasted into snippets that reel past too quickly. Consciousness slips in and out of her grasp. Everything seems as flimsy as clouds, which, for the record, is not proper for construction. She’s told the Morganites over and over again: you can’t build a castle on top of sand. Did they listen?

There are birds chirping, twittering, from far away. It tastes like morning. She has always liked the seasonal changes on Earth. Very fitting. 

Ivory keys dance along her shoulders and draw her into a slender chest. Someone is shouting.

Bismuth can’t make out the words. She thinks she wants to reach out to that voice. She thinks she ought to comfort them. She knows them.

“Just hang on!” 

A butterfly has latched onto her hand. It’s funny; she hadn’t even been aware she had a hand until it was held.

Wait. That’s kind of whack. Of course she has hands. How else does she—

“It’s cool,” she tells the butterfly. She lifts her hand to eye level.  “Hey, now. Y’don’t gotta panic. Everything’s gonna be fine.”

“Bismuth? W-what are you…?”

Light bursts into a towering column that swallows them whole. Bismuth’s vision is filled with an alarming clarity, accompanied by the soft popping chime of an activated warp pad, which seems pretty confusing at first, considering that means they’re leaving the place Bismuth thinks they should probably be at.

“Hey,” she tells the butterfly, “The fountain…” 

“Not now, Bismuth.” 

The butterfly lands on her shoulder again as their destination solidifies under their bodies. There’s a breath, another young voice she knows that shouts, “Pearl!” and a rustle of grass.

“Steven! Oh, thank goodness—”

“—It’s okay, Pearl! I got your text! I’m here. Is she—?”

“—yes, she’s a little…”

Bismuth can’t make out what the words that were supposed to follow are. She blinks slowly and the next time she looks, her perfect view of Earth’s blue, blue sky has been eclipsed by pink shoulders and black clouds. 

“Who put that floof there?” she mumbles and reaches up.

A salamander laughs and pushes her hand away before she can move back the black clouds. “Y-yeah, I see what you mean,” the salamander rumbles. He sucks in a sharp breath. “Oh, Bismuth…okay, here we go.” Then, something wet and warm and strange sets itself upon her gem. 

And there’s pink.

And pink.

And pink—

Bismuth gasps upright hard. Her hair flings forward over her face; she shoves it back with a broad hand and winces before she realizes she can’t feel any pain. She’s fine. She feels fine. Her eyes snap to her whole, unblemished gem.

“I—”

“Bismuth!” Pearl’s wobbly voice is her first warning before she’s encircled in thin, white arms. Pearl’s face presses into her shoulder. “Oh thank goodness you’re all right! I was so terrified after…”

“Pearl—” Bismuth’s laugh dries up the instant Pearl pulls back. 

That’s a scary look on her face Bismuth doesn’t think she’s ever seen before.

But Steven, on Bismuth’s other side—hey, she hasn’t seen him in a while; did he get his ears pierced?—winces as if he knows very well what that particular, specific turn of Pearl’s lips mean. “Oh boy,” he murmurs when Pearl opens her mouth.

“Bismuth.”

“P…Pearl?”

“Don’t you dare do that again.”

Clarity is a sharp mirror in Bismuth’s head, replaying the events preceding the wonkiness of the world. Bismuth sets her own mouth in an unhappy slant. 

Steven frets. “Uh, do what again? Guys?”

“I can’t promise you that.”

“Yes! You can! I can take care of myself, Bismuth. I have for millennia.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

“When you pull stunts like—like that, you certainly seem to suggest—“ 

“—I was just trying to protect you!”

“And look what it did!” Pearl throws out her hand. “That fusion, whatever she called herself, Charoite? Whatever; she got away! And even worse than that: Rose’s fountain is now in ruins! Gallons of her healing tears, lost! It’s going to take ages for Steven to be able to replenish that, if he even can!”

“Uh, guys?”

Bismuth scowls. “It’s fine, isn’t it? I’ll fix it! It’ll look just as good as it did before. At least that’s something I’m good to have around for, anyway.” 

“What?!”

Pearl’s voice pitches high to a degree Bismuth hasn’t heard in centuries.

Bismuth and Steven’s gazes snap to her. Pearl’s brows are pinched tight on her face, peaking just below her gem. Her pale blues shine under the sunlight peeking through the canopy of leaves high above. She looks hurt and wounded, which is the strangest thing considering that last Bismuth checked, she had done everything she could to ensure that wouldn’t happen.

“Bismuth,” Pearl says and Bismuth has never quite heard her name sound like that before, like someone needed to say it, “this is exactly the problem.”

The sensation of a hand against her cheek is new. Pearl’s touch is gentle. Warm.

Steven’s face softens from worry to something else: something starry-eyed and open-mouthed as he watches them.

“How could you possibly think you matter so little to me?”

“W-what?”

“You honestly think I don’t want you around for more than fixing things? That you’re…”

Bismuth kind of feels like she wants to take back her words, now. Her face is burning, burning, burning. Her stomach has swooped. There’s embarrassment and something giddy rising in her chest all at once. She doesn’t know what to do with it. “Aw, geez, Pearl, nah. I didn’t mean to…”

“Don’t do that again.”

There’s something in the way Pearl’s voice shakes as she repeats her words. Something in the press of her fingers into the edge of Bismuth’s jaw.

Bismuth chuckles, low and quiet. She dips her head. “Pearl, you know I can’t promise you that.”

“No! I don’t know. Why not?”

Aw, stars. Is this the moment? Bismuth would be lying if she tried to say she hadn’t imagined over and over again how she’d confess the big, goopy mess inside her that’s feelings. She could have done big, grand, pre-planned gestures, or small, intimate ones. She always fancied making Pearl something, but could never decide what would be good enough. She never figured the opportune moment would be immediately post-almost making Pearl cry.

But then Pearl looks at her with those big eyes and all that concern and with all that grace in her and Bismuth thinks maybe, well, maybe she’s been thinking too much.

She would just really awfully like to hold her.

“Pearl, I—”

“—aw, just kiss already!”

The tinny voice echoes across the forest clearing, followed by shocked and indignant, “Amethyst!”

Amethyst’s voice cackles loudly from Steven’s phone as he hurriedly jams his thumb over the face of his screen. Just before it clicks off, Amethyst shouts out, “Hah! Hurry, Steve-O! Warp to the temple! Pearl still can’t get into my room; you’ll be safe here!” and Steven’s face is red red red. He stuffs both hands in the pockets of his jacket and shoots to his feet. Quick as he can, he bolts for the warp, shouting, “Sorry!”

The only one perhaps most off-color than all of them is Pearl. She stands, aghast, but by the time she reaches out, the warp pad chimes and a familiar, melodious pillar of light stretches to the sky. 

“Steven! Get back here!”

“For the record: it was Amethyst who video-called m—!” Steven’s voice is cut off before he can finish.

Pearl stares at the place she last saw his red flip flops against the top of the warp pad’s surface.

Bismuth can’t help it. 

She laughs. She laughs and laughs and falls back against the grass, arms spread out in an open invitation to the sky.

Pearl slaps a hand over her face and lets it slowly fall. “Ugh. I’m sorry. Those two can be so insufferable together. They have no concept of personal boundaries whatsoever.”

“Oh, believe me. I know.” Bismuth sits back up once her chuckles have subsided. She props up an elbow on her knee and looks to Pearl with a lazy grin. “I mean, I was just thinkin’: y’know, it’s such a shame Steven probably had to leave his Dondai parked somewhere around here when he came to meet us at this warp pad…it’d be a tragedy if, y’know, somethin’ happened to it while he was hiding…”

Pearl blinks. Slowly, she smiles and presses a hand to her own cheek. “Why, Bismuth! I knew there was a reason I love you.”

And there it is.

And it’s so simple to hear. 

And it’s perhaps the first time Bismuth has ever actually heard the words, which is funny, because after all of her imagining and all of her notions about what this moment would be like: to know that she matters and is cared for reciprocally…she never expected for it to be so unsurprising.

Pearl smiles at her as if she, too, knew exactly what she was saying and wanted it said and had no trouble at all saying it.

It makes Bismuth think maybe, she’s been hearing those words all along, too. Maybe she’s been trying to say them back just as much: throwing herself into harm’s way, trying to protect her, but these are not the ways Pearl wants it said.

“Yeah,” she hums instead. “I love you, too, Pearl.”