#so I just went from being completely stressed out trying to manage all the (sometimes hidden) deadlines -

[secretsimpleness]

But I just want to explore the world... Jamandi Aldori, the (to be) Baroness, Amiri, Jaethal, etc / Pathfinder Kingmaker (c) Owlcat Games

[matrixbearer2024]

Vox x Reader Headcanons: Fiancé Edition

Fiancé!Vox x gn!Reader

A/N: MY BRAINROT IS BRAINROTTING OKAY I JUST NEEDED TO DUMP THIS STUFF SOMEWHERE AFTER SEEING ALL THE WIFEY ALASTOR AND LUCIFER STUFF- LIKE I LOVE THOSE TWO BUT LEMME YEET IN MY BELOVED SAMSUNG TV NOW YALL- THIS COULD MOST LIKELY BE OOC COMPARED TO CANON BUT LIKE- LET ME DREAM I WANT THIS FLATSCREEN SO BAD P L E A A A S E-

A/N: This little thingy would have both an SFW and NSFW portion, mostly because I'm a depraved little shit and I am downbad for a 7ft bipedal television with issues-

SFW HEADCANONS:

Now first off, y'all probably would've been dating a long long while before this mans would pop the question.

I feel like he'd know that he wants to marry you, but he's so unsure of it plus he's concerned about how that would affect you in all of it.

Like, oh great if this gets out suddenly you've got one of the biggest targets on your back because you're the technology overlord's fiance and soon to be wife/husband.

As if you hadn't already when you both started dating-

Vox is a perfectionist so I'd imagine he would try so so hard to get everything completely flawless for his proposal.

But nothing goes his way that day, none, nada, zilch-

That's just his luck, totally not because it got screwed over by a certain radio demon for shits and giggles.

But he ends up asking you anyway, though a bit indirectly because it slips during his irritated rant.

"I can't believe they managed to spill wine all over me back there! All over one of my best suits as well!"

"Hun, we could always send your suit to the professional cleaners. It's okay! We can always just go someplace else next time too-"

"No! That- ugh! I had all these plans today and they were just ruined! I wanted everything to be absolutely perfect for when I was going to propose to you-"

"You were gonna what-"

Vox immediately shut up once he realized his screwup then.

So much for keeping it a surprise!

That's kind of how you ended up with a diamond ring on your finger that night.

And that's how Vox ended that really stressful day with an extremely satisfying night.

He ditched work the next day and just spent it being all over you.

Yes he admires the ring on your hand from time to time, this man just stares.

You can betcho ass that ring is expensive as fuck too.

Like as if this man didn't kiss your hands enough, that new accessory marking a new chapter of your afterlives just makes him do it more.

He's actually kinda housewife material if you squint-

This man can cook and clean, and as a bonus he's filthy stinkin RICH.

Bro I need me one of these holy shit-

If he wasn't clingy enough before, oh boy get ready for this.

He will always have an appendage on you at all times, a hand on your lower back, your hip, in your hand-

Or he'd just have you in his lap while he worked on stuff in his office.

Also, Vox being possessive as all hell if someone so much as just stared at you too long-

Please that goes straight up to 1000% when you agreed to wear that ring.

You guys planning to get hitched doesn't stay secret for too long though.

With Valentino and Velvette sticking their noses in Vox's business as a daily pastime anyhow-

Hence why a lot of sinners started shipping you two.

And oh goodness the ship wars.

Sometimes Vox wishes the internet wasn't really connected to his brain-

The magazines went wild with that one too-

Cuz imagine, the richest and the pride ring's probably most esteemed bachelor-

Aside from Lucifer probably, Vox's marketing and PR team are insanely good at their jobs-

Was now off the market and due to get hitched with you.

I'd imagine even if Vox doesn't post anything on social media, you or Vel would-

Literally like those married couples on TikTok or something with a whole bunch of cute shit.

You can best believe the most cracked out shit happens while you're both engaged though.

"Oh this is Vox, he's my ex-boyfriend."

"... You have got to stop saying that. I'm their fiancé."

You did not stop saying that.

Actually you wouldn't stop saying that even when his title upgraded to husband.

Not that Vox cares, your shenanigans were what caused him to gravitate towards you in the first place.

And until now they're what keep your relationship fun and interesting.

"Hey hubby, ooooh~ you're looking like the hottest thing in all of the pride ring despite having just rolled out of bed."

"Hahaha, good morning to you too doll."

It doesn't register what you called him at first until he's had his coffee and then it clicks.

You play it off attempting to be coy until he replays the video of you greeting and calling him that on his face.

His. Face.

Sneaky little shit that's what-

He doesn't really respond to any other petname now, you've dug your grave.

"Vox."

"Vox."

"Vooooooxxxx-"

"What? What?? What do you want???"

"Can you peel this orange for me?"

"Really? That's it? Why don't you peel it yourself?"

"Because it tastes better when you do it?"

He does it eventually, hell if he's in a particularly good mood he'll even feed you.

That's always kind of how it goes when you ask him for things.

If it's something you want/can buy though?

You're already in possession of his credit card, just get whatever tf you want HAHAHAHA-

He's still a busy bastard though so it's not really much different from how it's like when you guys were dating-

But he genuinely tries to balance his work a little better to spend more time with you.

This man is such a workaholic though you end up having to drag his ass out of his office to rest anyway.

Again, nothing new from when you were just dating.

You guys jokingly throw around your soon to be marital titles in private.

Vox kind of feels like a kid in a candy store when you do, just giddy and excited for what's to come.

Not to mention he now has a partner in crime when he riffs on Alastor!

He'd be over the MOON if you just joined his chaos.

The radio demon probably wouldn't give a shit, he's just built different like that-

You both get so comfortable that you almost forget that you have a wedding to plan and set a date for.

Until Velvette asks about it and you're both just: "Oh. Right."

Your fiancé's schedule is so fucking packed though it was nearly impossible to.

This guy was going to work himself to death before you could tie the knot lmao-

But eventually you both got a date and venue settled, so that was one step closer.

NSFW HEADCANONS:

Okay so like, I know sinners can't actually copulate unless you're Lucifer but that's besides the point-

And Vox isn't really a family man at all-

But boy oh boy if he didn't have it before-

This man would have an insane breeding kink after you both got engaged.

This man wants to see you stuffed.

Literally doesn't matter if you're riding him or he's just impaling you on his cock-

This guy just wants to fill you up so bad.

I'd also think that you guys would be screwing around a lot more often after he popped the question-

Something about emotions constantly running high and dopamine being one hell of a drug.

I think Vox is a switch, so I'd also imagine he'd be more inclined to let you dom him every now and then.

Or when he just wants to be a bratty little shit please go ahead and tame him, he likes it.

You can kind of get away with more stuff when you're both engaged.

Like tease him a whole ton and he just bites hook, line and sinker.

It's already gotten to the point where the power in the tower would die often enough that Velvette herself has gone through some crazy lengths to cockblock her colleague.

Speaking of, Vox would probably use you as a stress reliever after work if you let him-

Like he will just fuck you stupid until all you say is his name because this guy is addicted to hearing it.

Or he'd let you fuck him stupid until he's so far into sub space he forgets about his shitty day.

Cuz if it's rough, it's rough with you two.

But on the gentler side-

It's just as addicting and if not probably a little worse.

Though you would probably be the one taking initiative/domming whenever you both have gentle rounds.

I'm all for Vox being able to switch some of his parts cuz he wanted to/can.

So y'all have fucking choices when it comes to wrecking this idiot.

Like a multiple choice exam, literally shotgun the fuck outta those answers like you deteriorate his mental.

And consequently the entire city's power grid.

"GODDAMNIT! VOX! (Y/N)! NOT AGAIN!!"

[maxarchive]

Fear, faith, friendship: Inside F1’s most precious relationship

[...]

When now-triple world champion Max Verstappen was first promoted to the Red Bull team mid-season in 2016, race engineer Gianpiero Lambiase was tasked with moulding an 18-year-old possessing both supreme talent and a frank demeanour with only a few days' notice.

"I had experience working with multiple drivers before Max, and that was one of the biggest helps in terms of hitting the ground running with him. I think if I would have been a newbie to my role - I won't quite say he would have eaten me alive, but I'm not sure he would have had that respect for a junior engineer."

Their relationship was an immediate success. Verstappen became the youngest race winner in F1 history, finishing first on his debut at the Spanish Grand Prix. But, generally, the first few years of Lambiase and Verstappen's partnership were spent chasing perennial frontrunners Mercedes.

"Max learned some really harsh lessons in the two or three years before 2021. His racecraft really was something that we focused on, making sure we were just picking up points when it wasn't possible to win a race. We were concentrating on building his consistency, needing to be finishing every race, maybe not putting himself in a situation where he can end up in a 50/50 accident with another driver."

[...]

Sometimes, though, tension between driver and race engineer can spill over in the most high-pressure moments.

Now in his ninth season working with Verstappen, having won the championship in each of the past three seasons, Lambiase's voice is a staple of every F1 broadcast and has become recognisable to fans all around the world.

The pair's success does not mean their communications are entirely straightforward.

"I think it is inevitable in any relationship that there are disagreements. The first port of call is acceptance of that. Secondly, you need to have faith in each other that it is for the greater good rather than there being any kind of malicious undertone. That is at the core of the relationship. As an engineer, I need to understand that ultimately Max is in the hot seat, not me. So while we are all working in a pressurised environment, the driver is at a level well beyond that. As an older citizen I would like to think I am mature enough to step back and let him vent when necessary, but to also make him understand why decisions are being made. If I was a yes man, I would have been gone long ago. We have just got that honesty in the relationship between us that we can be blunt and straight-talking when needed."

As well as coping with adrenaline themselves, race engineers must manage the pressure on their racers.

The 2021 campaign was arguably the most intense in F1's 74-year history. After an acrimonious year marked by heavy collisions between the pair on track and serial sparring between their respective team principals in the paddock, Verstappen and rival Lewis Hamilton's title fight came down to the wire at the season finale in Abu Dhabi.

"I wouldn't want to repeat 2021 in a hurry. It was incredibly competitive on and off the track [but] sometimes I think it went beyond the realms of sport. In terms of taking that pressure away from Max, I tried to stress with everybody here that we continued as normal. We treated every race as a single event rather than trying to look too far down the line at what could be."

[...]

In some cases though, the idea of starting afresh following the end of such a deep connection doesn't appeal any more.

"I honestly see Max as a younger brother. We can talk about anything and anyone at any time. We're at the point where we just felt completely relaxed and at ease with each other. Maybe I am speaking out of turn, but I don't think I would have any interest in working with another driver now. Having had the success that we have enjoyed together with Max, working with one of the greatest talents that the sport has ever seen, I don't think it would be fair on another driver, from their perspective or mine, to try and replicate what we have achieved with Max."

In Formula 1, as in all our lives, the magic of the most special relationships will always remain utterly unique.

[cissyenthusiast010155]

For Barbara Howard could I request a late night date night, after work that turns into a smutty stress relief

Overworked and Underfucked ~Stressed!Barbara Howard xFem Stressed!Wife!Reader

Summary— Read Request. AU where Gerald (Barb’s husband) doesn’t exist. Anon Response— Hello anon!! Thank you for the request! With season 3 of Abbott elementary coming out, this is so fitting. Hope you Enjoy! ♥️

Mommy… Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: NSFW, 18+!!, smut, oral sex (eating out), fingering, clit stimulation, stress relief, stress fucking, swearing, implied alcohol consumption, implied future smut, etc.

Enjoy (;

Both you and Barbara made work your lives. You were both passionate about what you did, just as passionate as you were about each other. But work took a toll. Especially on the amount of time the two of you could spend together.

Tonight was the first night that you’d had a date night planned in months, one that was looking like it would not fall through as all the past dinners had. It was late, pitch black outside, but you and Barbara couldn’t care less.

Your arm was linked in Barbara’s, as you two walked from your parked car to the classy restaurant. You had managed to make reservations at the Italian restaurant in town that you and Barbara had gone to for your first date together. Barbara had been buzzing all day, excited to finally have time with her wife.

You got seated by your waiter once in the restaurant, starting to look at the menus.

“They seem to have changed the menu since we were last here…” Barbara observed with a hum past her menu and over to you.

You agreed with a hum and you two began talking. But it seemed that no matter what you two discussed, the conversations always went back to work for both of you.

You eventually ordered your meals and some wine. You both had been working so hard, and the last thing either one wanted to discuss was work. Your food came and you began eating.

You sighed, putting your fork down.

“Barb… I’m going to be honest. As much as I’ve been pushing for a date night, we can’t seem to talk about anything that isn’t our work… so let’s skip the talk. Im not hungry for any real food anyhow, I’m aching to taste you…” you said the last bit under your breath and in a low and sultry tone.

Barbara nearly choked on her pasta. But she quickly washed it down with the rest of her wine, putting her napkin and fork away with a quick nod.

“Alright…” She breathed out, her cheeks slightly flushed from your admission.

Barbara was trying to act composed, as she always did. Her tone was normal. But it was the little things that gave her away… the way she fidgeted as the waiter left to go get you some to-go boxes… the way her gaze fluttered from your lips to your tits to your gaze over and over again… the way she scurried to pack up all the food in the to-go boxes… and the way she practically dragged you out of the restaurant…

You made it all the way to the park car, before Barbara’s hands tugged you by your coat collar, smashing her lips into yours. Normally, her kisses were slow and chaste, sometimes longer if no one was looking. But tonight , her lips were aggressively passionate, nipping at your bottom lip before sliding her tongue into your mouth.

You both pulled away after a couple minutes, completely breathless and flushed.

“Damn Barbara! What has gotten into you?” You chuckled, leaning over slightly and trying to still catch your breath.

“You started it…” Barbara mumbled, before quickly unlocking the car and shuffling you into the passenger seat.

You usually drove her, but tonight Barbara insisted. She was probably speeding most of the way home, but you didn’t care. All you could imagine was your wife. Fully exposed, back arched, mouth open in a silent scream, hand in your hair, as your mouth took her to heaven…

The second she parked the car, you both scrambled to the front door. Within a split second of the door being closed, Barbara crashed back into you, her lips on your once more. Your hands pulled her impossibly close around her shoulders and neck. You guided the woman to your shared bedroom. The door to your bedroom shut behind you, and your body’s entangled into one.

“Haven’t touched you in so long… haven’t been touched…” Barbara murmured into your lips.

Her fingers ran along your coat, then going to remove it. You happily complied, and within minutes, the two of you were completely stripped of all your clothing.

“I know, I know, you’ve been so stressed…” you hum, “Why don’t you lay back on the bed and let me taste you, hmmm my love…?”

Barbara bit her lip and her eyes widened, as she nodded eagerly. The woman fell onto the bed and leaned against the head board, spreading your legs for you. You crawled onto the bed, slotting yourself in between her legs. The poor woman’s pussy was dripping and aching for some lovin’, and who were you to deny your love…?

You used your fingers to spread her pretty pussy lips, then using your tongue to lick a long stripe from her entrance to her clit. Barbara shivered beneath you, immediately tangling one hand into your hair and using it to push you further into her cunt. You took her silent pleading, diving straight into the woman’s glistening pussy. Your tongue lapped away at her folds, before dipping in and out of her core.

Barbara let out a string of breathy expletives, the kind of words which you only ever heard when the two of you were intimate. Her other hand was buried in the pillows on the bed to her left, clutching onto the bed spread tight. The woman’s head lolled back and her eyes were screwed shut tight. She was so wound up that it only took your tongue for her to cum for the first time that night.

Barbara came with shaking legs and a back arching, blissful disposition. She dropped back onto the bed after her relief, leaving the woman panting and writhing underneath you. You finally pulled away after sucking her pussy clean of any juices, making your way up to Barbara and giving her another deep kiss.

Your and her hands flew to one another’s faces, caressing each other and groaning in delight. After what seemed to be not long enough, you both pulled away in breathless gasps.

“Dear Lord how I needed that…” Barbara breathed out with a chuckle.

You chuckled lightly, as one of your hands wandered down the woman’s frame. Your digits found purchase in between Barb’s legs, where her pussy was freshly aroused, wet and aching once more. Barbara’s breath hitched as your fingers trailed through her folds, spreading her arousal up and around her clit.

“It seems as if we haven’t worked all of your stress out quite yet…” you hum lustfully, eyeing the woman suggestively.

Barbara’s hands grip your shoulder and sides, and her eyes widen as you sink two fingers into her fluttering core. Her mouth goes open in a silent scream as her eyes flutter closed once more.

“Dear G— OhHHhhh Y/N… D-don’t ssstop—” Barbara moaned, her hips jolting up to grind against your hand.

You chuckled, giving the woman a kiss of her forehead, not stopping your administrations.

“Oh I won’t, baby… Not until every ounce of stress is gone from this pretty face… and that precious pussy…” you lustfully cooed, crooking your fingers inside her to punctuate your words.

~~~

Barbara Howard Masterlist

[compassionatereminders]

Hi! I wanted to answer the anon who was asking about what ADHD meds do & don’t help with as someone who was late-diagnosed and started meds this year. However, the effect of ADHD meds and even experience of ADHD itself varies heavily from person to person, so do keep that in mind!

DO:

- Actually hearing and retaining what people are saying. I was never able to fully experience a college lecture without panic because of only hearing bits and bobs of the lecture, going in one ear and out the other. I can truly focus and actually respond to what people are saying in a single line of thought without desperately trying to stimulate myself as much as possible to maybe get 1/2 of the detail to stick in my brain.

- Time blindness!! At first starting meds it felt like the day went for 500 years. I felt so much slower and mentally calmer, and I was able to complete “simple” tasks in under 15-20 minutes that could normally take me up to 3 hours due to distractions.

- Memory! Off my meds I have an enormously hard time remembering anything I’m trying to accomplish. I bounce from task to task without ever finishing it. On meds I’m able to think “I need to do laundry” and I just. Do the fucking laundry. It’s magical and I’ve cried more than once thinking about how much I’ve spent my life thinking I’m stupid or lazy for not being able to “just do the thing” like everyone else.

- Shutting down/fearful procrastination— I would be stuck doing nothing for days and days because I would want to do a task so badly but overly think about it and essentially paralyze myself in the decision making/getting started process. When I’m on my meds I can just do the fucking thing! Even if I don’t really feel like it! When before I practically had to have the exact perfect circumstance and could never create them, I can just plop myself somewhere and do the fucking thing. Just like I’ve been told all my life— “Even if you don’t want to, do it anyways” except now I have the actual ability to do that like everyone else. Before it was like everyone else was telling me to turn on a light, but I had no switch.

DON’T:

- Help with hyperfixation. Sometimes I can fixate even worse when I’m on my meds, just because my mind is so single stream that I’m able to do things for even more excessive periods. I burn myself out accidentally a lot quicker if I don’t provide myself with manual distractions to take breaks from daily/academic tasks.

- Immediately fix you. It was hard to start meds because I had to unlearn a lot of habits I had developed to cope with my undiagnosed ADHD— such as constantly moving, stimulating myself, having candy, etc. Just because the day became longer didn’t mean my time management became awesome either. I’m still working on tools that help ADHD with my meds!

- Not really a don’t but more so an unexpected side effect was becoming very intensely angry or upset when the medicine wears off. I struggle with emotional dysfunction already but the anger was so severe and I didn’t know that ADHD meds wearing off can cause that.

- Work 100% all of the time. Some days things like stress, poor sleep, poor diet, etc, can alter the way the same dose of meds works for you. Especially if you are nicotine dependent or a regular caffeine consumer, the way your meds work can change on a day by day basis. Some days I feel like the meds aren’t working at all, but more often than not there’s still a difference between myself being unmedicated and medicated.

- Instantly make you better at studying/task completion. Apparently having ADHD for years made me so extremely avoidant of many things that I just don’t have the skill set to do them well yet. Like studying, for example. I still struggle with extreme perfectionism that impedes me outside of ADHD paralysis.

- I’m gonna say it twice but they DONT FIX YOU ON THEIR OWN. Yes, they make your life fucking way better than before especially if you’re an adult with undiagnosed ADHD, but you have to learn how to use tools and learn skills to support yourself for the medication to help you to the max capability! I will definitely say that being on meds helped overhaul my mindset when I’m off meds and improved my perception of myself, but again, the meds can only get me so far!

I hope this helped anon!!!

Thank you for taking the time to share this! I hope anon sees it 💕

[chiriwritesstuff]

Random Headcanons from Random Characters in 'The Girl in IT' Pt. 3 - Minor Characters

Have you always wondered how Tess came to work at Miller Construction Group? Or how Ellie ended up being adopted by Joel? Here are the headcanons for the rest of the gang at Miller Construction Group! Read Joel's and Sugar's lists!

Tess Servopoulos:

Tess actually met the Miller Brothers by chance. She was fresh out of a divorce and went to Austin on a whim- they met at a pool hall. She did have a minor attraction to Joel - before he met Sugar, but their tempers and clashing personalities never allowed a romantic relationship to flourish. Joel helps Tess by giving her a Job, which gives her the fresh start she was desperately searching for.

For those curious, she and Joel have never been intimate with each other, not even a kiss!

She IS slightly jealous of Sugar, though. I think it's more because everyone sees a different side of Joel with her around, which solidifies the fact that Joel never saw Tess as a potential romantic partner.

Joel also helped Tess further her career by paying for her MBA.

Tess lives in Joel's old house (in the show). It is completely renovated, of course.

Tommy Miller (& Maria):

Tommy is the Construction Superintendent for Miller Construction Group. He's the man on the ground, managing the project from the site.

Before Sugar, Joel would never watch porn at work, but Tommy would. He once disabled the entire company server with a virus, and their old IT specialist, Gloria, subsequently quit afterward from all of the stress.

Tommy would sometimes "spy" on Sugar before she started to work for the company. If he saw her in passing, he would mention it to Joel, asking him why he just doesn't get his head out of his ass and just talk to you.

Maria is the official "office mom". She runs the odd errands, offers to pick up lunch for people, and acts as a recon for Sarah. Like Connie, she knows everything that happens in the office.

Joel and Sugar are not the only ones who fool around in the office...

Sarah Miller:

Sarah is slightly younger than Sugar (Sugar is 36, Sarah is 32). Sarah was initially weirded out by this fact but being that her husband is older than her by ten years, she's a lot more open to her relationship with Joel. She also found an old Polaroid photo of Sugar in Joel's nightstand drawer once while looking for something, and she tells herself that she won't get in the way of her father's happiness.

She is married and has one child, making Joel a grandfather. Sarah's husband also works at MCG as an Electrician. They had a secret romance - Joel had walked into her office, catching them making out which led to him punching him out. Her eventual husband then spends a year trying to convince Joel that he is in love with Sarah, and only ends up relenting when he witnesses a sweet moment between the two of them, realizing how happy Sarah is with him. Joel still gives her husband a hard time, though.

Sarah kept her last name after she got married.

She has a bachelor's degree in communications.

It is rumored that Sarah was only placed as the head of HR only because she had to keep cleaning Tommy's messes (because let's not forget- he watches porn at work too), and Joel didn't feel comfortable with an outsider handling their business.

Ellie Williams-Miller:

Ellie moved to Austin with her Guardian, Marlene. Marlene was hired as the Head Architect for MCG, so Ellie was always hanging around the office in her youth. When Marlene suddenly passed away when she was 14, Joel felt like he owed it to Marlene to adopt Ellie. This happened five years after Joel met Sugar, which makes Ellie 19 going on 20 in TGIIT (I did age her up a bit).

Ellie loves music and noticed Sugar with her Sennheiser Headphones in her office, naturally, she waltzed into her office asking about it. They bonded with their love of music - Ellie feels comfortable enough with Sugar to talk to her about her problems. Sugar is the person she comes out to first, asking her for advice on how to approach Joel with the topic.

Ellie has a crush on Riley, an engineering student working under Bill.

When Ellie finds out about Sir Bubbles (Sugar's cat), she begs Joel to help her make a cat tree for Sugar's birthday. This cat tree is massive.

Ellie is tattooed, just like how she is in TLOU 2. She got her tattoo at the same time Joel got his - she drew the Sunflower that eventually ended up on his hand.

If Ellie didn't apprentice for MCG she would like to be a tattoo artist.

Bill & Frank:

They are married.

Bill teaches a self-defense class for women, including weapon handling.

Frank is an interior designer.

Frank has a secret group chat with all of his fellow gossips in the office, including Maria and Connie.

Bill cooks for all of the company meetings and seminars. He refuses to be compensated every time.

[lowkeyrobin]

Hello I was wondering if you’d be able to write a Ranboo x Gender neutral reader that’s struggling with self harm/depression (only if you’re comfortable with writing something like this, I’d not I completely understand) :)

hi!! thank you for the request! ; and I'm totally okay with writing this, considering I'm fully healed from my very depressive middle school state and the only things bothering me haven't hurt me that much in a long time 🫶 I hope that you're doing okay anon 🫶🫶🫶

RANBOO ; it's okay to not be okay

summary ; ranboo does his best to help you while you struggle with depression

warnings ; language, talk of self harm & depression, talk about relapsing, mentions of ED

genre ; angst/fluff

word count ; 627

masterlist

he'd known for a while that you were struggling and even suggested taking a break/breaking up if you needed it as to not overwhelm you with managing a relationship

obviously you didn't want too

but that came with a negotiation that he was going to genuinely help you no matter what

literally came over after a stream, like 9pmish and went straight to your bathroom

they got a little trash bag and threw out all the razor blades in your house, like looked everywhere, tore the whole place up to even get secret stashes

you followed and watched them do this, fearing they'd yell at you afterwards because they were totally silent while doing so

they also stashed the knives in a drawer with a child lock which you genuinely couldn't open, using the smart logic to use a butter knife if you needed to cut something up

if you were making food and needed to cut up meat, call him and he'd open it for you, considering you lived like 5 minutes away from each other

after he threw all the razors and pencil sharpeners and anything you didn't need that could hurt you away, he sits you down on the couch

you have a long talk about how you need to stop hurting yourself and you talk about safe self harm

from coloring on your body, listening to music really loudly, experiment with guided imagery, holding ice, punching a pillow/cushion instead of yourself, eating sour/spicy candy, etc

they're just trying to give you safe alternatives to substitute the actual harming tactics because they know you won't be able to quit immediately

every week you have a long talk about your feelings, how you're doing, etc so ranboo can determine how to help you/get an idea of how you've been doing

you talk to him frequently that you're worried about relapsing and hurting yourself somehow, from cutting to slapping or punching yourself

if you run to him thinking you're gonna hurt yourself, he wraps you in a hug and doesn't let you go until you feel more calm

frequently sends you texts to uplift you a bit and make you smile

sometimes you'll just have tight hugs on the couch where he just talks to you to get your mind off of everything and make you a little happy and joke around

usually takes you on long walks to clear your head if you express being stressed or very upset about something

he gets you on a nice healthy diet and helps you not under/overeat and possibly give yourself an ed

also helps you get into a routine to feel more clean and organized

refers you to therapy and towards yoga/working out

they'll happily do yoga or work out with you, 100%

anytime you smile, he just looks at you with like love in his eyes because he's clearly doing something right

loves taking you out into nature to listen to the birds singing and smell the fresh air, he can tell it does wonders for you

loves bird watching with you too

he'll find a show with like 7+ seasons for you to watch together so you can get interested/fixated on something and think about that more then your fear of hurting yourself or relapsing

in general they'll do whatever it is to help you cope, knowing they can't magically make you feel any better

so supportive as well

when you reach sobriety milestones (a month, two months, three months, six months, a year etc) he throws a little party

over time all your friends get more and more proud of you and show that well

ran however is definitely the most proud, seeing as you'd found a way to overcome the pain that tormented you

[itsnotzka]

Author's note: So, here's the deal. I've committed another rather fluffy one-shot.

This was (kind of?) requested by amazing and awesome @julesisreading (and thank you for your little help, Jules! :))

Jake x MC // no warnings // one teeny-tiny spoiler (ep.10)

Words: 2,6k

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- L I G H T H E A D E D -

"I'm not so sure about this," Jake mumbled, keeping a close eye on the woman in front of him as his eyes slowly moved down to that seemingly insignificant thing in her hand. With doubt and great uncertainty, he shifted from foot to foot, trying not to show her that it was stressing him out more than it should. She was standing close to him, much closer than the limits of his personal space would allow, yet he didn't dare to move away.

Because, if he liked it or not, he didn't really want to move away.

It was their second meeting. The first one went well, although Jake knew he had chickened out many times. Too many.

He never touched her. He didn't ask what he wanted to ask. He couldn't look into her eyes as long as he should have.

But, for some strange reason entirely unknown to him, she didn't mind it at all. Her kind eyes were full of patience. Constantly.

"I'll be gentle," she chuckled, a soft smile that appeared on her face made him swallow hard as a shiver went down his spine, "You haven't done this in a long time, have you? For a little too long, I'd say..."

Her head tilted, she raised her hand a little, but before she reached his dark hair, she stopped, a little embarrassed. She saw him flinch.

He didn't want to flinch like that, it was just a reflex. Inwardly, he scorned himself for it. He noticed how she flustered. How she took her hand back, abashed a little.

But she knew him.

She already knew Jake's perceptive eyes, as they were carefully watching every single one of her movements. She saw him analyzing everything, his face flickering with emotion he didn't want to show anybody.

The truth was, after so long, he missed the human touch. The problem was, he was used to being alone. He preferred being alone. He took pleasure in solitude. He liked it to such an extent that any public place, any meeting with a stranger, even a mere thought of it gave him a very unpleasant feeling of anxiety.

But a little while ago, all of a sudden, she appeared in his life. And suddenly, breaking his own rules, his own boundaries for her seemed easy.

'Easy' was not the right word for that. It seemed... possible.

"That's true, I haven't. It's been quite a while," Jake replied, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, "Sometimes... sometimes you need another person to get it right. And when someone lives a life like mine, you don't really have time or inclination for such... mundane activities. My mind is usually occupied with something different entirely."

She burst out laughing but immediately regretted it, covering her mouth with her hand. She realized the hacker said it in all seriousness. Thankfully, he didn't seem offended. He smiled slightly, a faint blush on his pale cheeks.

"I can imagine that. But do you trust me?" she asked. A tiny, warm spark appeared in Jake's heart.

A dangerous spark that he didn't really like.

No. He liked it. He was just scared of it.

Of course he trusted her. He trusted her like no one else before. From the very start he felt like he had known her forever. He trusted her completely. Absolutely. Without a single doubt. Only her. Almost like a madman.

He'd been called 'mad' many times in the past, but this was the first time he actually believed it. He almost chuckled thinking about that but stopped himself just in time.

He knew he had tendencies to exaggerate, to overthink, to overanalyze absolutely everything that was going on around him. Yet it seemed that this as well didn't bother her at all. Very unexpectedly, he felt like she had just... accepted him. All of him. Every single good and bad thing about him.

"I trust you. You know I do," Jake finally managed to answer, while she didn't take her eyes off him even for a split second, "But I don't know if that has anything to do with trust. Have you... ever done this before?"

She smiled innocently, the dim lights of his apartment bringing out the beauty in her, emphasizing those little dimples in her rosy cheeks.

"I have," she answered bluntly, "It's not that hard. But if you don't want me to... that's okay. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. You just mentioned the last time it was bothering you, so... "

That was the first time she took her eyes off him. She lowered her head a little angry at herself, because she knew she shouldn't push him that hard. The fact that they were standing so close to each other was enough for her. But something kept drawing them together and she didn't know how to make it easier for him.

"It's not like that," Jake answered quietly, his hand moved on his own, his fingers stopped just before he touched her upper arm, "I want you to. I would like to try it... with you."

This time he smiled on purpose. When his hand touched her skin, he shivered, but it wasn't unpleasant at all. On the contrary! It was as if her warmth had flowed through him, as if for that brief moment her body heat had merged with his.

"You really would?" she asked, her eyes, once again, fixed on him.

He didn't answer, not at first, anyway, getting lost in her eyes. Warm, kind eyes, hiding secrets that he undeniably wanted to be a part of. The eyes that he wanted to share all of his secrets with.

She saw his hesitation. She could see his absent-minded expression as he pondered the situation deeply. She certainly didn't want to put him in an awkward position... as much as she loved to challenge him. But she could barely keep herself from throwing her arms around his shoulders since their eyes had met for the first time that evening.

Yet, she managed not to do it. She knew what Jake was like. She realized a long time ago that this man in front of her didn't know how to get close to people. She only didn't know if it was fear or just his... morbid caution. But she knew that the hacker was slowly breaking all through everything restraining him... for her.

She could see how he analyzed every single world that had been said between them since the very beginning of this meeting. How he fought himself and his thoughts, his doubts.

His doubts?

As he sat on that chair in front of her, as she brushed his shoulders with her fingers... he knew he didn't have any doubts about her. He wanted her close. He wanted her, but... he didn't know how to achieve that. He didn't know how to...just be with someone. Not anymore. His past had changed him.

He held his breath as she stood right behind him. He tried his best to relax, but it was hard. Harder than it should be. He didn't like not being in control, he had to be able to see everything, and with her standing behind him... all his inner sensors were telling him: Watch out! Run! Protect yourself!

Everything changed as she slowly, carefully dug her fingers into his hair. His black hair that he hadn't cut in... months. Just like that his muscles let go. He closed his eyes and shut them tight. He clenched his jaw... he had to. Otherwise he would have given himself away.

Otherwise he would have sighed so loudly, desperately, hungry for her touch, he would turn around and pull her to him so quickly, he was afraid he'd startle her.

That small, innocent touch made him regret absolutely everything he'd done before. Or rather everything he hadn't done. That he didn't take her in his arms as soon as she came here. That he hadn't held her so tight that they both lost their breath. That he hadn't told her how beautiful she was. That he hadn't kissed her right away.

Then he almost laughed.

As if he actually dared to do that.

Damn it – Jake thought, holding back an annoyed growl - He already told her he loved her, for crying out loud! And she even answered him the same! So why was it all so hard in person?!

The hacker didn't know the answer to that.

She knew.

She knew what she could do and say around him. She knew what was making him shut down and what was making him talk. Open up. As her fingers ran through his slightly unkempt hair, she smiled. She heard him sigh quietly, his shoulders dropping as he surrendered to her touch.

"You have nice hair. So soft," Jake was barely able to hear her voice, still relying on her fingers roaming his hair, massaging the skin on his head, "I feel a little guilty I'm going to cut those guys. "

"That's—that's not the kind of thing you want to h-hear from a barber, do you?" the hacker said timidly, ending with a nervous chuckle.

"Oh? Even from your own, private barber?" Jake nearly jumped in his seat as he heard her voice very close to his ear.

"Ev—even from..." he stuttered, feeling a sudden disappointment when she moved her hands away, "I don't know. I've n-never— I... I wouldn't--"

Great...

He sounded like he had forgotten how to speak.

When they were texting each other, he never had such problems. He could always think over every word. Not exactly, but... it was definitely better than that!

He held his breath as she laughed out loud. The sound made him smile too, though. He didn't even realize it, but he was laughing with her almost immediately.

Well, he was laughing at himself. He was laughing out of build-up frustration. He was laughing with happiness. He was laughing because - damn it - she was there and she wanted to be there. With him.

She suddenly appeared in front of him, leaned forward, placed her hands on the armrests of his chair and looked him straight in the eye. Then, after a couple of long seconds, during which his mouth went all dry, she murmured, "So, are you ready, Jake?" she asked with a spark in her eyes, showing him the scissors in her hands again, "Are you willing to put yourself in my very capable hands?"

He knew she was testing him. Even when they chatted online, she liked to say things that left him speechless. Things that made his pale cheeks blush a little.

A little? Things that made him blush hard.

Thank god for those dim lights – he thought, although he was sure she'd noticed it.

He didn't like losing. This time he couldn't just log out. If it were a chat, he'd find some sorry excuse and he'd be gone. Like always.

"I am," the hacker replied with such confidence that he surprised even himself, so he decided to continue. To play her little game... as well as he could, "I am all yours."

She smiled with contentment. She was glad that he wasn't as closed off as he seemed before. She knew they were both exploring new territory and he was doing great.

She brushed her hand over his shoulder and stood behind him again. Her fingers dug into his hair once more, to his satisfaction. Before she cut the first strand, Jake stopped her. Then slowly, looking at her, he took off his black hoodie, folding it carefully and placing it on the table nearby.

He was just in his black T-shirt now.

She watched him with curiosity, because she knew very well that Jake's every move, every small gesture meant something more.

"Just don't cut it too short, eh?" he said, sitting back in his chair, looking up at her, brushing a strand of hair that had fallen over his face.

Jake felt her warm expression right in his chest, "You can always say 'stop', okay? If I go too far..."

He nodded eagerly, the corners of his mouth twitching lightly by themselves, and he didn't even feel himself smiling again.

He just wanted to feel her touch once more.

As individual strands of Jake's black hair began to fall to the ground, he felt lighter. It was as if with each subsequent cut, the weight he had on his shoulders simply disappeared... he simply felt closer to her.

He was closer to her.

With every move she made, he allowed himself to overthrow another rule. Another thing that kept him away from her. His hands gradually touched her waist as she faced him. He slowly moved them to her back as she shifted slightly closer, leaning in.

But she continued. She didn't lose her head. Little by little, she trimmed every unruly strand of his hair that he forgot to pay attention to for a long time.

Jake suddenly realized that it surprised him how oddly intimate this moment was for the two of them. Much more intimate than... anything he'd ever experienced before. The smell of her warm skin, or the feeling of her hands lightly brushing his neck, her breath in his face.

He got lost in it and he wasn't even sure if he wanted to go back. He gently wrapped his arms around her waist - so tenderly, you'd think they'd known each other their entire lives. He looked into her eyes, seeing not only her, but something else, something more, something unspoken, yet strangely obvious.

In fact, before her scissors made their last move, he held her in his arms, feeling under his fingers, for a change, not his computer keyboard, but the softness and warmth of her body. All the tension, all the awkwardness, all the fear - everything slowly disappeared. At that moment he finally found someone who accepted him for who he was. Just like that.

He closed his eyes, letting his mind and thoughts fly away, shut down for a short while that felt like an eternity. Still holding the scissors in her hands, she wrapped her arms around him. He could practically feel her heartbeat against his skin, and he was pretty sure she could feel his pounding heart as well.

He didn't care.

At that moment, everything he had feared, everything he wished he had done sooner, ceased to matter.

He broke all the rules for her that day. All of his restraints. All the walls he had carefully built around himself... they all simply came down. They didn't even make a single sound as they disappeared.

He allowed himself to snuggle into her neck when he felt she didn't mind. She chuckled, cuddling him, trying to hide her surprise.. They both realized that they were completely unnecessarily afraid of this closeness... because it seemed so natural to them, as if they were simply made for each other.

Like two pieces of a puzzle.

"Scratchy," she giggled nervously, feeling his face on her neck. His light, calm smile reassured her that everything was fine, "Maybe I should take care of your stubble as well."

"Tempting," Jake muttered, lightheaded suddenly, "I think like this idea."

"You do?"

"I do," he replied as she looked down, their lips so close, they were almost touching, "As I said to you before... I'm all yours."

He had never been so sure of anything in his life, as of those words back then.

She chuckled. Her cheerful voice turned into a sigh, as they finally closed that remaining distance between them.

[haikiria-san]

Genya x fem!reader who's the cousin of Mitsuri. The idea is that Mitsuri decides to be the wingwoman and set them up together. Genya is of course flustered and it doesn't help that y/n enjoys teasing him

Mitsuri's Cousin Headcanons

AN: Yes, I can! In fact, this proposal would be very interesting to see and I loved writing it! Hope you liked it <3

Synopsis: What would it be like for our dear Genya Shinazugawa to have an S/o who is the cousin of our beloved Mitsuri Kanroji?

Character: Genya Shinazugawa x Fem! Reader, Mitsuri Kanroji (mentioned), Sanemi Shinazugawa (mentioned)

Warnings: Spoilers, Romance, Fluffy, Comedy (?), Spoilers Season 3

Genya Shinazugawa

You are Mitsuri's dear cousin 3 years younger, who entered Demon Corp a while after her cousin and became her Tsugoku <3

The first time you saw Genya, you can't deny that you found his appearance a bit threatening, but that you soon ended up being attracted to the boy

Trying to get closer to Shinazugawa and not being successful, you ended up asking your cousin for help, and that's how Mitsuri cupid appeared

After the fight with Upper Moons 4 and 5 in Blacksmith Village, you finally got a chance to talk to the boy in the Butterfly Mansion

And unlike all expectations, Genya ended up showing that behind her serious face she had a shy mess that enchanted you <3

You always liked to annoy and tease others as a form of "affection", and Shinazugawa was no different (to our boy's dismay)

Because he is shy around women, he always tried to avoid interaction with them, and that became something really difficult with you around and trying to get close all the time

But after a long time of trying, you finally managed to have a date with him! Where, of course, Mitsuri would help prepare everything <3

To be honest, the Hashira of Love will be very present in the preparation of meetings, outings and other things like that, as well as in the evolution of your relationship

Until this "plan" of the two of you reached the ears of the boy's stressed and threatening older brother, the Hashira of Wind, Sanemi

And he would try at the same time to ruin the plans you and your cousin were making, to keep Genya from noticing it

However, he stopped doing that when he noticed that the younger Shinazugawa genuinely liked you, starting to make small comments about it

With the Hashira of Wind and Hashira of Love trying to get you together (both with different plans and ways, of course) it didn't take long before the declaration and the beginning of the relationship

You two were congratulated by your friends and even some Hashiras, with Mitsuri exposing her joy and pride to the world, while Sanemi reacted more discreetly

But even after you became a couple, your "dynamic" didn't change much, with you continuing the teasing (which now contained surprise kisses and hugs) and your darling boyfriend embarrassed as if it was the first time he heard you say it <3

Rest assured, many, many, MANY encounters! At any chance you will go out together, eat something in a small restaurant, walk around the city, or even just pick flowers and cook

Training together, Genya greatly admires your skill and flexibility for being able to use breath like Love, just as you admire his strength and completely uncanny ability to become an Oni

When one of you goes on a mission, it's almost a tradition for you to exchange letters and go on a date when you return, sometimes bringing each other gifts

Speaking of gifts, I expect many, many gifts, Genya just can't come back from a mission without giving you a gift

He is protective, Shinazugawa went through a lot as a child and is very afraid of losing you as well as his brothers and mother

Sanemi still acts rude to him whenever Genya tries to apologize, so when that happens he seeks comfort with you

Well, our boy is still shy even though you are a couple, but he is an amazing lover <3

AN: I hope you all like this! I really love write this <3

[i-luvsang]

［ ☆ singleparent!au — lee haechan

1K MILESTONE EVENT ☆ OPEN

¿ ｡′ for 🥥 anon , gn!reader , singleparent!reader , i hope this counts as a domestic!au too :,) , angst w / happy ending , cw: crying, stress, exhaustion, a swear word lol , wc: 1.4K ！！

✧ to say being a single parent is difficult would most definitely be an understatement

✧ you love your daughter more than anything and would absolutely do anything for her

✧ you try to do everything you can

✧ you begged your boss to let you work from home in the afternoons even after the company got rid of the remote positions to be able to pick her up from day care and watch her at home

✧ the last thing you wanted was to have other people watch over her until you come home just before her bedtime and become an absent parent

✧ even if it means staying up until late hours every night to finish your work

✧ and while it’s all your choice to continue this sort of lifestyle that drains you to the ends of the earth, it’s all worth it to be a truly involved and healthy parent for her

✧ even so, it’s been extra overwhelming as of late

✧ and, bless his well-meaning soul, your new coworker has not been the biggest help

✧ lee haechan is a great guy, but despite you only working half days, your boss chose you to overlook haechan as he settles into company

✧ he does his work, and he’s generally good at it save the occasional mistakes a new worker is bound to make

✧ he’s kind and willing to listen to what you say, and yet, he must have some special talent in being annoying while managing to get the job done

✧ even worse, he’s oddly endearing as he does so

✧ with him and his constant jokes and admittedly comedic complaints against the work and that one coworker that no one likes, it feels like you can’t catch a moment of quiet

✧ it’s true, he does make you laugh, but sometimes he’s distracting and gets the whole office talking, and even if it’s about work, the extra noise never fails to make your tired headaches worsen

✧ and with you as the one overlooking his transition, it’s fallen to you to check the work he completes before it becomes final

✧ despite his overall proficiency, this added work has you going to bed significantly later than you already do

✧ that’s all to say, you’re tired. really fucking tired, and very much so fed up with everything

✧ but, you do what you can to get over it without letting it affect anyone else

✧ yet even when just over a month later, you’re free of checking all his work, you’re still exhausted

✧ the last straw is when he starts hitting on you

✧ yes, it is full of respect and his flirting is genuine and good-natured, but you can’t stand it

✧ not because you don’t find him frustratingly attractive or you don’t think his humor is absolutely hilarious 

✧ but because you don’t have time for this

✧ you don’t have time to date anyone, and the last time you went on a blind date, they became distant and uninterested the moment they found out you had a kid

✧ and you, no matter how interested you might be in this sarcastic, witty man, are too tired and afraid to get your hopes up; you’ve done everything not to get into the reason why you leave during the lunch break every single day 

✧ yet, you haven’t had the energy or the will to truly push him away; you try to stay neutral and professional around him, but you’ve never made a move to stop him, and clearly he’s noticed that

✧ you’ve just stepped into the elevator to head out and pick up your daughter when a familiar, distinct voice calls out, asking for you to keep the doors open for him

✧ haechan joins you in the small space when you do just that, shooting you his killer grin and shoving his hands in his pockets

✧ “we should grab lunch together,” he suggests just as the doors close

✧ “i can’t, sorry.”

✧ “why not? you’re just working from home in the afternoon, you should have time to get lunch, no?” he questions

✧ “no, i don’t have time to get lunch with you.”

✧ “so you have time to get lunch with someone else, just not me?” you can hear the way he’s trying to sound like he’s just teasing you, like he doesn’t care

✧ “no, haechan, i don’t have time to get lunch with anyone. anyday.” you’re aware how cold you sound, but you can’t bring yourself to care with how tired you are

✧ “why not?” he presses

✧ you breathe a sigh of relief as the elevator comes to a stop

✧ just as the doors open, you answer, “that’s my personal life, haechan, please stop asking about it.”

✧ you walk out, but he follows you, easily matching your pace as you beeline towards the employee parking lot

✧ “listen, i respect that and i promise i’ll stop asking if that’s really what you want–”

✧ “that’s what i want,” you interrupt

✧ “please, y/n, i’m not done.” he follows you into the parking lot itself and towards your car

✧ you resist the urge to yell at him and instead mutter a bitter “fine.”

✧ “listen, you’re just confusing me. maybe i want to know a little bit about your personal life. not because i’m a creep or anything, i swear, but i want to know more about you. and i want to know if the way your eyes light up while laughing at a joke i made is real, i want to know if you actually care when you tell me not to stay up working too late even though i know you stay up the latest of us all. i want to know if it’s just me that feels something.”

✧ it takes a lot for you not to cry. because you do care, you care a lot and you feel something and that’s why this whole thing is so terrible

✧ you check your watch, fighting away the sting in your eyes

✧ “i have to go,” you mumble in an effort to prevent your voice from cracking due to the building tension in the back of your throat

✧ he sets his jaw in disappointment “so you really don’t feel anything. because you really make it seem like you do no matter how hard to try.”

✧ “i– haechan, i can’t do this right now, i have to go.”

✧ “no, please, just tell me you don’t care and i’ll let it go, i swear,” he begs

✧ “haechan, it’s not that i don’t care,” you force your voice to stay steady. “but i can’t do this right now, i mean it. is that a good enough answer for you to drop this whole thing?”

✧ there’s so much hurt swimming in his eyes you can barely look at him

✧ “why?” he whispers, barely audible against the backdrop of nearby traffic. “because you have a kid? is that why?”

✧ you’re stunned into silence. how the hell did he know?

✧ “y/n, you succeed at being incredibly private with your words, but i’m afraid to inform you that you are not so subtle in other areas. both of the wallpapers on your phone are of her, plus you leave when most daycares get out and you always leave your shopping lists on your desk when you leave. ‘new sweater for soyul’ or ‘those chips that soyul likes.’ it’s not hard to tell she’s your daughter.”

✧ you blink back tears as your exhaustion rolls over you in an overwhelming wave

✧ “i get it if she’s the reason. i get it if you really just can’t. but i don’t get it if you think i care whether or not you have a kid already. if anything, i find it so admirable how you manage to work this job and take care of her. and it seems like you do a good job of it too.”

✧ “i–” you interrupt yourself as a soft cry errupts from your throat and tears finally begin to flow from your eyes

✧ you’re beyond embarrassed but you can’t help it

✧ he’s awkward about it, but the way he steps closer to you to rub your back is genuinely comforting

✧ his voice is soft and hesitant when he speaks up again

✧ “i don’t want you to be late picking up soyul. but i don’t think you’re in the best state to drive, if that’s okay to say. would it be alright if i drive you there? just give me the address and i’ll make sure you get there on time.”

✧ that’s the moment you decided you’d trust him, the moment you realized that with him, everything might be alright

[feralforfruit]

Intro to my new series involving Ladybug, Yuichi, Lemon, and Tangerine; The Garden 🪴 🐝

Ladybug and Yuichi teamed up with Lemon and Tangerine after the Bullet Train incident and they are creating their own underground group for underground jobs. Since they are all well known assassins, the jobs they get pay a large amount; so much so that they had a whole luxurious safe house built that they called The Garden.

Knowing that they needed a handler, they invited you to live in the tech quarters of the safe house. You are now enjoying life everyday with your best friends in your new home.

Codename: Bumblebee aka BB

You’re section of the house is called The Hivemind where you manage the missions, the hacking, and suppling of The Garden.

Although being a critical part of a secret assassin organization can be a little stressful, you find yourself very much at peace with your new roommates.

Lemon is like your big brother that you could always rely on for advice (especially on people). You both are also the cooks of the house so you guys like to bond on recipes and how fucking useless the rest of the crew is, even when it comes to making eggs properly. You also are the one to provide him a full-year supply of Thomas the Train stickers so he could use it on every mission; which surprisingly has become a very helpful must have item on the job.

Yuichi is very closed-off but at the end of the day, you guys can always have a laugh on the couch while eating Cheerios and watching tv. Whenever Wataru comes over from his grandpa’s house, you always have a blast playing with him; Yuichi tells you every time how much he appreciates you for it. He also prefers to refer to your codename in Japanese; Hachi. ps. he refuses to have a silly codename.

Ladybug is the type to want to take you out for fun outings and yoga sessions. Whenever you both feel like you need a break or want to celebrate something, you two band together to make it happen for the crew. You’re both each other’s wellness bestie so he likes to come to you to help him mediate or relax from a stressful day of being a bit unlucky.

Tangerine is the man you come to for suggestions on top tier stuff. He has amazing taste in clothes, supplies, furniture, books, and basically everything. He has such a knack for details that you can never go wrong with his opinion. One day, you and Ladybug were planning an outing to a fancy restaurant to celebrate a very successful pay out. You asked Tangerine for his input on what to wear to look as sexy as possible. He actually chose a dress for you that matched his suit perfectly and you both went arm in arm, looking like celebrities going to the MET Gala. From then on, you trusted his input completely.

They are such different people but get along pretty well despite their occasional clashing of personalities. Each one of you has a role to play and you all do it well so no matter how tense things get, you all manage exceptionally in each mission. Living together only brings you all closer and sometimes, especially with how open you are with them, maybe too close… in a good way.

—

a/n: you guys have no idea how excited i am for this story to begin. just writing this intro got me so hype that i’m going to try to make this like as top tier as i can. as a heads up, i will be working on this all weekend and will have the first part up by monday since I want to make it longer and more tidy than the rest. and who knows, maybe it will be a little smutty throughout the series…👀

[queer-whatchamacallit]

Weird little thoughts about the Berzatto family past

When Carmy was about 8 and Sugar was 15, she started trying to tutor him in math

After realizing that he just couldn’t manage to focus on what she was teaching, she tried to connect math with Carmy’s interest in food by assigning ingredients to different numbers

So now Carmy has a bunch of weird associations with numbers and has a hatred for certain numbers because it’s a bad combination

It ended up being too convoluted to actually get multiplication to stick, but it did lead to him spending a couple days trying and failing to figure out different ingredient-number associations that would work better

Mikey would go with Richie up to Lake Michigan a lot to just swim and drink and hang out

When they started getting a little older, he’d sometimes take Sugar and Carmy up with him too

The last time they all went together, Carmy was 16 and had just started asking about working in the restaurant, Sugar was 23 and had just moved back to Chicago after getting her law degree, and their mom hadn’t dumped the Beef onto Mikey yet who was 32

So Carmy, Sugar, Mikey, and Richie all drove up to the coast, and Carmy convinced Richie to pour some beer into a pop can Carmy just finished

Sugar would have never let them hear the end of it if she found out for sure, but it just ended with Carmy (who hadn’t eaten much that day) putting his head on her shoulder and sleep talking the whole ride home

I don’t know if this one necessarily lines up with the timeline of the show, but I think it could be fun anyway

It was Christmas Day after Carmy turned 21, and Richie and Mikey were joking around about how he could finally drink with them without worrying about getting caught

Carmy wanted to help his mom with the fishes, but he figured a couple drinks would help him loosen up a little

Eventually, she just kicked him out of the kitchen and swapped him for Mikey because he couldn’t manage to keep track of half the things she was telling him to

He hung around the Faks most of the night, but after dinner and cannolis and presents and such, Mikey and Richie dragged him upstairs instead of letting him go home

They just dicked around for a while and told stories, but at some point, Carmy just stood up and started walking toward the door, saying he needed to do something but not really knowing what

Mikey managed to convince him to put a coat on because it was completely freezing outside, and Carmy just walks into the yard and falls back into the snow

He seemed satisfied with this, and just stayed there for a while with Mikey and Richie shivering by the front door until Richie launched a snowball at his face

And that was how Carmy, Richie, and Mikey got a noise complaint for having a drunken snowball fight at about 10 pm on Christmas Day

Whenever Carmy got sick as a kid, he’d go to sleep it off, but at some point, he’d come out of his room and lay on the couch, oftentimes in the lap of whoever was on said couch

He doesn’t remember this happening, so it’s just a complete mystery of whether he was awake during these times

When Carmy was stressed about something, it made his stutter worse, and because his mom wasn’t exactly patient with him, she’d tell him to just write things down pretty often

Because he was made to feel embarrassed and like he was taking up too much of her time already, he learned to write inhumanly fast and legible

While it didn’t exactly come from a good place, it’s almost become a sort of party trick (if he was ever given the opportunity to use it) that he can write about as fast as people normally talk and still have it be easily readable

[slashingdisneypasta]

Alright. One ship down, four more to go! It's Greasypop's time to shine

(Also, I forgot to mention this in the Peezy thing. You don't have to respond or answer these. I'm just putting these in ask form so I can use colors and italics and such. I hope these are fun to read, but if you don't care for these just let me know ^^)

~

Since Greasy didn't give Poppy a clue to when they were going to strike like Wheezy did, she didn't pack her things and leave town. She knows that she can't stay in Toontown though, or else she'll be dipped too. Would Greasy even care if she was? With his cold sneer still fresh in her mind, she does wonder this. So Poppy would actually be more stressed here; she doesn't know when or how the weasels are going to destroy everything, and she has no idea how much time she has to get help.

Because this is Judge Doom's plan, and he holds an iron fist over the law, she'd be too scared to try to find help within Toontown. Who knew who was friend or foe anymore? But Poppy does make frequent trips out to the human world to try to talk to the police there. The judge is human, so surely the human authorities could do something about him?

Poppy also would be receiving plenty of calls from her... 'Friends'. Greasy must not have told him that they were over. Or he did, and they wanted to check up on her. They're sweet to her, at least... They'd care about that at least, right? She doesn't know how to feel about that. It pains her to keep telling Stupid and Psycho that she can't come over she already went through too much confronting Greasy; she doesn't have the energy to berate her misguided friends, especially once they start trying harder to convince her to come over are they trying to keep her safe or do they just really want to see her? And Wheezy's calm but concerned inquiries make her want to cry or scream. And Smartass... Well, he's Greasy's best friend. Surely if anyone of the weasels know what's going on with her, it'd be him.

Poppy decides to try to use these phone calls, though; the more desperation in her friends' voices, the closer to the date of the plan she believes it is. It's a long shot, but it's the only tool she has. Besides, it makes it easier for her to answer the phone now, even if her own fear grows with each call, and she still hasn't found anyone who will save the town.

None of those calls were from Greasy. Sometimes, she can swear she hears him in the background on the other end of the phone, but he never comes on. Not that Poppy wants to talk to him. He's knowingly destroying everything she loves. And worse still, he tried to keep her completely oblivious to it. As far as she's concerned, she'll never get back together with him, even if they decide to stop this terrible thing they're doing.

She wants to hate him. Dear God, she wishes she could. But she can only manage to hate the part of her that won't forget his adoring words. His touch that always made her melt in his arms. All the times they'd spend in the kitchen, cooking and laughing together. How he trusted her enough to show her his more softer, vulnerable side... God, what has he done to her?

It's late when she comes back home. Having just spent the whole day being blown off by the humans again. She's tired and sad and scared; it's almost been a week, and she hasn't been able to do anything... And there he is, standing outside her complex with the van across the street, his dark eyes focused on her for the first time since they broke apart.

"Mi vida... Come back with me." Greasy tells her, taking her paw in his own to hold and looking deep into her confused eyes... Poppy could swear she saw a hint of desperation behind his dark orbs. Desperation for her, just like old times, "Please... You can't stay here."

... No. No, he couldn't do this. He couldn't just do this to her. Not after everything he had done. Not with what he was going to do.

Trying her hardest not to cry she doesn't want to shed another tear over her former lover again, Poppy pulls away from him, and quickly turns to go inside. Greasy follows her, and opens his mouth to try to speak again, but she beats him to the punch, "Your charm isn't going to work. Not anymore."

Oh, how the tables have turned. Greasy now being the one trying to reach his love, and Poppy being so cruel to him; he had been deprived of her for so long, and now he only has her cold shoulder. He follows her as she walks up the steps, trying so hard to convince her to leave with him while they still have time. But in the short time on the steps, before she slams her door in his face- and locks the door so he wouldn't be able to come in- he realizes how badly he fucked things up with her.

She was supposed to come back to him. This wasn't how he planned for this to go. And now, when it mattered most, she just wouldn't listen to him... "Mierda..."

~

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about how this turned out, and I know that this technically hasn't taken place after the events... But at the same time, I felt like Poppy deserved to slam the door on Greasy after what he did XD I wonder how Greasy is gonna try to get her back home 🤔

How could I not care for these man?, I- they're wrecking my heart!! XDD (In a good way!! Haha)

Me before reading: OKAY Greasy here we go. This should be good. Me after reading: SON- OF A- B I T C H.

Okay so- Peezy may be my favourite s h i p- but this one may be my favourite f i c of this.

First of all-- he sneered coldly at her???? Oh my goddddd I love a cold sneer. I love it. I love Greasy being hateful and cruel. That sentence made me flip. XD

And- I- GREASY. You betrayed her and then you IGNORED her for weeks how did you think this was going to go??? Oh my goodness, the emotion this fic has drawn outta me, I cant handle it. MY FAVOURITE BIT IS THE OTHERS CALLING HER. Like?? Stupid and Psycho and Wheezy being kinda clueless and wondering where their friend has been?? Is she okay?? I can so imagine this. Stupid not having a clue as to what's going on, Psycho thinking Greasy probably hurt her but that doesn't mean they cant be friends right??, and Wheezy having a good idea as to what it could be but also thinking no. greasy wouldnt be that stupid and tell her this shit. so he's subtly trynna gage her for reasoning. And- them just getting more and more desperate the closer to the date they get and possibly wanting to warn her or just say goodbye?? POPPY POSSIBLY HEARING THAT ASSHOLE GREASY IN THE BACKGROUND??

I just- love that Greasy is so cold and cruel here, except for the last part. It fits his character so well (or at least the version of him we've all built up in our heads XD), and its so stirring. Ughhhhhhh this is the kinda writing I love to read and write. He's so close but so far away. This shit is what words are for. I cant even-

[austinsmutler]

Everyday (Austin Butler x Reader)

Summary:  After a long day of office work for reader and auditions for Austin, they let music bring them together while they think about the success the future may bring.

What you’ll like: Domestic bliss, dancing in the kitchen, tooth aching fluff, Austin being obsessed with you

Warnings: None, this is written for stress relief  :)

Word Count: 1,511

Requests are currently open (Please tell me everything you want!)

This whole day was a write-off. Not only had work given you five (thousand) tasks too many, but Anna got the promotion you’d been working your ass off for for months. And you were disappointed that you were disappointed, because you didn’t even want the promotion. Fuck this job.

Riding the subway home, you stepped in some purple mystery fluid that made your feet stick to the floor with every step. Stifling a sigh, you sat and took out your notebook- a well-worn blue number by Moleskine with unlined paper, and a matching pen your boyfriend, Austin, had bought for you back in college.

Those days seemed so far away. He was going to be a famous actor, you were going to be a successful writer. You tried not to get nostalgic as you continued on from where you’d left off writing your novel. You had ten stops to write as much as you could, then you’d be home and the rest of the day would be spent with Austin, trying to de-stress from the horrific day your manager had heaped on you.

You had to work through your lunch break, for christ’s sake. You half-hoped all the clients left and the company went under, because at this rate that was the only way you’d ever get off work at 5PM again.

It was approaching 6:30 by the time you got home and collapsed onto the sofa next to Austin, with an audible huff.

He chuckled. “How was work?”

“They gave Anna the promotion. After I helped her so much on that last project. Stupid Anna with her stupid laugh and stupid posturepedic office chair.”

 “That sucks.” Austin frowned. The TV had been switched on to an old Buddy Holly concert, but he turned the sound down before facing you.

You grunted. “How about you? How were the auditions?”

His face turned sour. “They said they’d call me, but I don’t think it’s gonna happen.”

“How come?” You lay back on the couch with your legs on his lap. He rubbed your calves in gentle circles, avoiding eye contact.

“You know the script they sent me? The one I spent all night rehearsing? They scrapped it and gave me a completely new one. I got so nervous I completely messed it up. The character is supposed to be this super confident, hunky guy and I just stammered my way through his big speech.”

You leaned over to peck him on the cheek. He turned and caught your lips with his. 

“At least we both had a crappy day, then.” You sighed. He hummed in agreement, blue eyes searching yours for… something. After so many years together, you usually knew what he was thinking before he even said it. 

“You’re hungry, aren’t you?” 

He laughed. “I knew you were gonna ask.”

“I know I’m right.”

“You are. What’s for dinner?”

It was Wednesday- your night to cook. Usually you’d take it in turns- whoever cooked didn’t have to wash the dishes in your nasty, forever-clogged (no matter how many times you plunged it) sink, and vice versa. 

You gave Austin what was supposed to be a quick peck, but he reached up and gently took your chin in his hand, holding you there for a longer, deeper kiss. You reached for his lap and entwined your fingers with his. 

This was something you had in common: after a long day when you were both too tired to deal with anything, you craved long, soft touches. It wasn’t always followed by sex, sometimes it was just nice to touch and be touched without the need for second-guessing. 

Other times, it made you late to dinner.

“Austin-” You were interrupted by another kiss “I need to-” kiss “check the fridge!”

“We could always order something.” He murmured against your lips, not wanting to pull away.

“We’ve already had takeout this week.” You tried not to roll your eyes as he smirked into another kiss. You pushed back on his shoulders until he released you. “Besides, if we spend more money on takeout I won’t be able to realistically fantasize about quitting my job. You know I need that in my life.”

He grinned and let you stand up. 

The fridge was practically empty. Austin had done a few commercials a month or so ago, but the money from those soon dried up, so it was up to your office job to keep enough money coming in for New York rent, heating, and food. On paper it was a good job and you managed just fine, but seeing just how little you could actually afford was always draining.

“How about everything-in-fridge soup?” You called. Austin got up and looked into the fridge, his hand brushing your back to grasp your hip.

“Mmm, my favorite.”

“Perfect.” You pulled out the well-worn (and only) chopping board you owned, and a knife you’d found secondhand online (that may or may not have started life as a murder weapon before turning to the culinary arts.)

Two carrots, half a potato (who ate the other half on its own?) and an onion later, and you were spooning marmite into the pot of boiling water to make a broth.

Austin gave you a funny look. 

“What? We’re out of stock. And Marmite makes it taste beefy, my grandma said so.”

“The one who lived through the Great Depression?”

“Hey, you love her pancakes.”

He wrapped his arms around your waist and moved with you around the kitchen as you chopped, diced, and set everything to boil together. 

He kissed your neck as you stirred the pot. “I don’t get how you can make whatever we have in the fridge taste so good.”

“Years of practice.” You grinned and turned your head to kiss him on the lips, stepping away from the stove to turn around and embrace him properly.

It was a tight hug, but not so tight that it made you breathless. Austin smelled of the second-cheapest cologne from the department store: sandalwood and vanilla. It made everything around him smell comforting, from his side of the bed to the shirts you constantly stole to wear around the house in winter. 

He hummed against your neck, a little tune you recognised as one of his favorites. You got the hint. 

Everyone thought Austin was the performer out of you two, and for the most part that was true. He could remember lines from any script and deliver them perfectly. He’d studied Shakespeare as part of his degree, and it was a party trick for you two to play Romeo and Juliet- you being a Juliet who said things like ‘What are you even saying?’ and ‘Start talking normal, I swear to god.’

But there was one thing Austin loved for you to do, and that was sing.

“Aus, is that Buddy Holly?”

“Mmm-hmm.” He pulled back and made puppy dog eyes at you. “Please?”

You smirked and turned back to stirring the pot, taking a deep breath. The words were simple, but clear and easy.

“Everyday, it's a-gettin' closer

Goin' faster than a roller coaster

Love like yours will surely come my way

A-hey, a-hey hey”

Austin pulled away to lean against the counter with his eyes closed, smiling softly. He looked so much more relaxed than before, so you continued.

“Everyday, it's a-gettin' faster

Everyone said, "Go ahead and ask her"

Love like yours will surely come my way”

You pulled out your phone and found the song, playing it at a lower volume just to complement your quiet tones.

“Everyday seems a little longer

Every way, love's a little stronger

Come what may, do you ever long for

True love from me?”

The song kept going, but you paused when Austin reached for your phone and turned the volume up, taking both of your hands in his and gently moving back and forth to the music.

You sang the last verse together, his deeper voice leaning towards a Southern drawl for some of the lyrics. He loved to sing a little deeper, balancing out the lightness of your melody.

“It’ll happen for us one day, you know.” He pulled you close to his chest. “I’ll get a good part and you can quit that stupid place. I’ll be in something big, like a show, or a movie, or maybe Broadway, and you can just quit and write all day. Whatever you want to do.”

The song ended, but you reached over to play it again.

“I can’t wait to see you on all the billboards in Times Square.”

“We’ll get there.” He pulled back to look at you. “I’ll find a way to thank you for supporting me while we wait.”

You smiled and shook your head. No thanks was necessary- even the most stressful days were worth it, when you could come home and be this close to someone. You almost said as much, but bit your tongue.

Then your arms were around his neck, pulling his head down for the best kiss of the night.

[the-cookie-of-doom]

I've been in nursing school for a year now, and the stress of everything has been seriously wearing me down. After nearly 4 months in clinical being made to feel like an idiot, I find myself doubting my choices more often than not. But then I'll have an interaction with a patient at just the right time to remind me exactly why I'm here, suffering through his god-awful program.

A few weeks ago, a patient my age came in, massive trauma victim. She'd been camping in the mountains for a few days when she crashed an ATV. Honestly, she's lucky to be alive. Her friends had to run 2 miles through the wilderness to get to a payphone and call for help. She'd spent a week in the hospital by the time I met her, when she'd finally asked someone if there was any way we could wash her hair.

The normal system we use is these shower caps that have soap in them, and they're awful. Especially when you have thick, curly hair that's almost down to your waist. Walking into that room, seeing this poor kid who could barely move due to her injuries, my heart just broke. Her hair was so dirty after almost 2 weeks without a proper shower that it looked wet from where I was standing in the door.

Together with another nurse tech, we managed to improvise and figure out how to get her hair washed. The beds aren't made for it, we don't have the equipment for it, and like I said she could barely move. But we made it work. I spent probably an hour and a half carefully washing and combing through her hair with nothing more than a regular barber's comb, until it was completely clean and tangle free, and braided it after so it could stay that way.

Just this week I was able to help another young woman that I wasn't assigned to. I didn't know anything about her situation, but I overheard another of my classmates (her assigned student) tell the nurse tech that she needed help and didn't want him to do it. The nurse tech essentially told him it wasn't her responsibility to accommodate that, she was too busy, and the patient needed to either accept his help or get over it. I overhead, and stepped in to see what was wrong.

When I got to the room, the patient was crying and hyperventilating, couldn't tell me what was going on, and looked overall distraught. I was able to just sit with her for a few minutes to calm her down, find out what was wrong. She was hot and sweaty, needed a new gown/sheets. Understandable, no problem. I went and got the stuff, brought her a cold drink and a fan, got her changed, etc. The whole time she kept apologizing because she didn't know what was wrong with her, she wasn't usually like that, she didn't have anything against the guys it was just too much...

The whole time, that nurse tech from before was with me, too. Despite telling my classmate she didn't have time to deal with it, she almost immediately followed me into the room, kept trying to take over what I was doing, all while looking incredibly frustrated with the patient. Making her feel even worse. Once we were done I got the tech to leave so I could talk with the patient, let her know it's okay, that she was just overwhelmed and it's understandable. I reassured her that we're there to take care of her, she deserves to feel safe and taken care of in the hospital. The whole time, she didn't feel comfortable asking for anything else because of how she was treated before me.

Nursing school focuses on building a therapeutic relationship with patients. We need them to trust us and believe they'll be taken care of. It's easy to say you chose health care because you want to help people, but it's also really easy to lose that compassion. Sometimes you don't realize you're doing it. I don't blame that nurse tech, she really was busy. And when you're a working nurse with multiple patients to care for, you don't always have the time to spend an hour or two washing someone's hair, or handling their emotional breakdown with patience. But I think too often, people don't even try.

These relationship's with patients are exactly what's getting me through the misery of nursing school. I'm not out there curing anyone right now, but I know I'm having a positive impact in people's lives. I'm doing my best to show that you can still trust that when you're in the hospital, during one of the most vulnerable times in your life, someone will be there to take care of you and care for you.

I've worked in health care for two and a half years now. My philosophy has always been to maintain patient dignity above all else. It's so easy to forget the person lying in that bed is still a person, and not just a patient, or a set of tasks that have to get done at a certain time. You can't let yourself forget the care in healthcare.

[blackforrestpunk]

Hi friends. I'm currently editing the fan fiction parallel to the comic. I'm currently trying to concentrate on the english language. It annoys the hell out of me. My school english is terribly rusty, and as a teenager I didn't gave a shit about grammar. And to procrastinate a bit and to give a sign of life from me again, I'm going to babble a bit here. !!!!! Attention spoiler!!!!!! I'm reviewing almost the entire Fanfic here. But I've been asked a few times. You still have the option to cancel here. :-) Okay so, the main diagnoses are AuDHD, PTSD, Social Anxiety and Depression (which occasionally triggers an eating disorder)

However, I have to say explicitly about the eating disorder that it is linked to his feelings and also has a certain AuDHD component. Sometimes it happens that you simply forget to eat because other things seem more important to your brain. And sometimes you're so stressed or depressed that you can't eat. He would really like to, because he actually likes to eat. If it's food that he can eat. Taste and consistency are sometimes not so easy to manage here. That's why Nadir always gets the same dishes from the same snack bar. Per se, Erik doesn't know exactly what he has. As mentioned in the fanfic, he is often told his diagnosis. But he keeps forgetting because he doesn't really care. All he knows is that he doesn't fit in.

In the comic, for example, it also becomes clear that he sometimes has problems being touched and sometimes not. This is also due to the experiences he had as a child. His first caregiver often rejected him. So he finds it difficult to accept Valerie's friendly nature at first. By contrast, he has almost completely blocked out his stepfather. As a result, he follows Gustave without saying a word, but also allows himself to be touched because he unconsciously allows himself to be subjugated.

Erik and Raoul have a strange relationship. First Erik keeps forgetting Raoul's name because it's not important enough, then they tease each other and Erik doesn't really get it. He has no idea what this rivalry is all about, he just reacts to it. Then they beat each other up and make up. He doesn't like him, but that's more because Raoul is a kind of interference field. The connection between Erik and Christine is broken every time Raoul appears on the radar. However, Erik can't categorize this either and only reacts to it. Erik's specialty is music. He is particularly fond of stringed instruments. This is not just a hyper-fixation, it is his absolute specialty. He communicates through music. Music is his language for expressing emotions. Here in particular, I tried to link the emotions via the music lyrics or in the Spotify playlist. Sometimes it's very obvious, like in Chapter 13 - where he covers Everlong by the Foo Fighters. Then it's more subtle, when he just plays and the sounds adapt to his mood. In chapter 15, he talks to Christine about Raoul and how long he's staying away, where he strikes a low chord. He tries to ask it casually, but the situation actually worries him.

Erik's talent for languages and the pronunciation thing. Erik learns languages out of sheer boredom. He started with Farsi because he's a nosy little fucker whom Nadir likes to eavesdrop on. He only learned Swedish to impress Christine. He googled her surname. He had learned Italian for Jago, though Jago came from a Spanish family. Well, with ADHD you tend to mix up languages... Erik's pronunciation is usually very clear. He tries to speak clearly and loudly, due in part as a result of the mask. Also with the fact that music is his real language. As a teenager, he went to a speech therapist for years to overcome his stuttering and lisp. He is missing a tooth, which leaves plenty of room for slurred sibilant sounds. But he has learned to compensate it. If he is not emotionally balanced, the old habits still come out.

Erik is left-handed. I couldn't find anything in the books (Leroux and Kay), or I missed it. Well, my Erik is left-handed. Originally, at the very beginning of this story, his hands were supposed to be a testament to the abuse as well. Fingernails were missing, they were taped, and a fingertip was missing. This symbol became Erik's left-handedness, a short little finger and his skinpicking-coping mechanism (which I purposely didn't discuss in detail so as not to trigger myself :'D Fun fact: There were phases in my life when my hands looked like his...). However, he is "both" handed. He learned to use many instruments like a right-handed, because of the little finger problem. Kurt Cobain was left-handed, he has the guitar on the other side, for example. But not Erik. But his handwriting, as in the original, is just awful. He simply didn't learn it properly and was confused in elementary school about which hand to use.

My Erik is bisexual. But how can that be if he's never had a relationship apart from Christine nodnodnod Well, he's not making a big deal out of it. But he had a crush on a young punk from his "clique" in his teens. No, not Azzi and not Jago. Of course, nothing came of it because he was even more socially maladjusted back then, than in Christine's day. Nevertheless, he feels attracted to both sexes.

Erik and friendships. Oh, boy, that's such a thing. At some point in therapy, the therapist nails him down to the fact that he is very much "capable of relationships" because he obviously has friends of several years' standing. Sometimes we forget that. That we are capable, even if there is perhaps one constant person left among all the arguments and conflicts. And maybe it's also the case that we say "Nope, I don't have any friends" out of self-protection, simply to make it easier to cope with a possible loss. The concept of friendship is a mystery to Erik. He doesn't understand that he and Jago have been friends for a long time. It's clear to Jago, and to Nadir as well. In the late chapters, Jago also makes an appearance. The reason that Erik doesn't reject him is that Jago accepts the boy directly for who he is. He lets him be who he is. He doesn't force him. Through the subculture - punk - he gives him a place outside his room where he is accepted.

Speaking of Nadir. Why is a trained care worker sometimes so incredibly stupid, with Erik? Because he's only human. Nadir loves Erik as if he were his son. But at the same time, he sees the bias, the difficulty of communication and the constant lack of connection. This frustrates him. It disappoints him. He feels almost constantly helpless. But he has chosen Erik. This decision binds him for life. Nadir knows exactly what motivates Erik. But he always wants to challenge him. To take him one step further. To show him some normality - which begs the question, what is normal? He wants to show him what's going on in society. To prepare him step by step. Sometimes in a clumsy way. But he doesn't mean any harm. And Erik knows that too.

Erik and his mother. Oh boy, I'm still gnawing on that a bit, my brain is still spinning little stories about both of them. I didn't let her take up so much space on purpose, but I still wrote an entire chapter to her. His mother was damn young when this contraceptive accident with Charles (Erik's father) happened. One thing leads to another, Charles dies, she is alone. She comes from a dysfunctional family herself. She grieves during the pregnancy and after the birth. She loves her son. Don't get me wrong. She really loved him. But it still wasn't enough. What she did wasn't right. It wasn't enough. She didn't respond to his needs or his desire for attachment and security. She locked him away and didn't validate his emotions (which he couldn't categorize either). Because she couldn't. Because she was so busy with herself and her small, sad world. This insecure-ambivalent attachment still triggers massive problems and anxiety in Erik today. And sometimes her hand slipped. Due to excessive demands. Which is still no excuse. Never.

Erik and his stepfather. Ahhhh I'd like to leave that out. I was thinking about creating a kind of comeback. How the stepfather starts stalking Erik after his release and kidnaps Reza and crazy shit like that. But nope. That's too much for me. His stepfather was a violent asshole. An alcoholic and a narcissist. Unemployed. He often beat Erik up when he had a meltdown, or didn't do his homework, or had to go home early from school, or just because he breathed too loudly. His stepfather gave him the missing little finger, the burn scars, the missing nose and the silver stripes on his back. I dislike this person so much that he has neither a name nor a face. And it stays that way.

Erik, the night owl. At the beginning of the story, you keep reading that he sleeps a lot, that he goes to bed early and that he can get up early (to buy Christine's present). He's just pretending. He can indeed sleep anywhere. Whether on the couch, a mattress or the floor. But he doesn't sleep for long. In bad phases, he hardly sleeps at all. In good phases, he sometimes manages 3 hours at a time. He may appear calm on the outside, but on the inside he is restless and under constant pressure. Disordered thoughts, the urge to create and the fear of nightmares keeps him awake. And yes, the nightmare I described is the tip of the iceberg. Erik dreams a lot and is always restless. He only experiences a state similar to sleep paralysis during bad triggers or depressive phases.

Finally: Sasha. Sasha is a Shepard-Spaniel mix. She is not a therapy dog. But she is Erik's anchor. She is smart, eager to learn and affectionate. There was also a Sasha in Kay's book. Erik learned to walk with the dog there and was able to experience affection through her. Sasha, in my story, keeps Erik in this world. She is his constant. His connection to the outside world. She supports him when he's not feeling well. She is always by his side. He even takes her with him to the hospital. He smuggles her everywhere he goes. Even if it sometimes seems as if Erik is annoyed by her when she jumps up at Christine or doesn't want to get on the streetcar or goes crazy with big dogs. He loves her to death. He would do anything for her.

Thanks for reading. :-D The text was longer than expected... Any questions?