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#so I'll do it when I wake up
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rough day...
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buglaur · 1 year
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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pushing500 · 1 year
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Shockingly enough, Candlelight won this fight. My little Water caste T'au is getting better at melee, it seems. Maybe all those "practice" fights with Laurie have paid off. Candlelight left this fight with two bruises on her torso, and Andrei had two broken bones in his right leg and a broken left arm.
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What if we pushed our Rimworld beds together?
Jk, jk!
...
Unless...?
I know they all sleep in their clothes in-game, but that seems so uncomfortable. I'm going to just keep drawing everyone in pyjamas.
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Look, I don't like Wookshys, but I can appreciate a man who takes time out of his important chores (spending all day fishing) to remind his secret girlfriend that she is loved and very smoochable. As much as I hate to admit it, I think Albina is in good hands.
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dawnthefluffyduck · 10 months
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Happy 1st anniversary to Looking Glasses by @ferronickel :) (edit; whoops forgot to remove the space in the tag, sorry i know you've already seen it haha)
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koka-mi · 7 days
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guess who's writing kyosaya fanfiction at 1am even though they have a dentist appointment hella early in the morning??? NOT ME! (it's me)
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miyamoratsumuu · 2 months
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I woke up at 3am again and I'm not able to get back to sleep for the life of me 🙏🏼 SO!!! I have a proposal in mind hihi
how would we feel about an mha actor!au smau?? 🙋🏻‍♀️
"being a romance movie director meant you knew all about the clichés, plot twists, and narratives that could happen in them. you knew how to handle and execute them in films, so why were you clueless on what to do when anonymous love letters were constantly scattered around set and addressed to you?"
and yk all the stuff about "actor x actor relationships are a pain to manage by their pr teams, but what if it was an actor x director relationship?" OK???
if ever I do this, I think it'd be clear who the character I do this with will be hihi
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keeps-ache · 17 days
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i think i tapped on the explore page by accident some minutes ago, i've been scrolling for a good sec like 'why is this on my dash. i don't know any of these people. what's going on' lmfsvh
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buglaur · 1 year
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i'm making a character page
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everypanelofizuku · 2 months
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Chapter 59 - Listen Up!! A Tale from the Past
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yorshie · 10 months
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Pea Brained Bounce House time. Was thinking about the earlier Mikey bit. Then I started thinking about Warm Coded. And then:
Raph’s got like. This thing, when you’re working out with him. He uses the cover of coaching you to stare.
It’s not until he’s got you doing chairs against the concrete wall, and you look up in pleading askance on how much longer you’ve gotta hold the position, that you finally catch the way his attention is trained on the swell of your stomach. The uncanny focus of his gaze on your thighs as the muscles start to tremble and seize up.
Raph likes to stare.
#……. hm. is this gonna be a blood orange fic?#are they gonna converge?#looks at the blurple fic I’m already planning. fuck. this might be a blood orange fic#but how would that even work?#Mikey is so much harder to set a boundary with than Leo and Donnie#and what about my head canon of Mikey sneaking into Raph’s bed during nightmares?#I could just see. raph wakes up and readers all against him all warm and cuddly#he goes for the sleepy morning action#but his hand knocks against Mikey’s shell and there’s like the awful dawning realization that his little bro is cock blocking him#cue Mikey waking up cuz you smell all warm and he wants action too#only for the same realization to have th both going >:[ at each other#raph gets up like fuck this I’ll be a good boyfriend I’ll go get breakfast. you want pastries doll? I'll get you fucking pastries#and Mikey’s like fuck that I’ll be a better boyfriend I’m gonna go make homemade juice#and then reader is like. wtf where are my cuddly buddies? Why is everyone so pissy this fine morning?#<- zero clue they are in the middle of a pissing contest#goes to take a morning shower and gets interrupted cuz Mikey doubles back#youngest sibling gotta take advantage of the older one being out and all that#I could just see him all annoyed halfway to the Kitchen before going *wtf am I doing* and backtracking to corner reader in the bathroom#raph drags reader back in his room and closes the door in mikey's face when he gets back with pastries#cuz personal space (nest) privileges and it was cold outside and damn it he's was a good boyfriend he deserves cuddle time#also he didn't get mikey any pastries#proceeds to show reader there's more than one way to enjoy a pastry#……… have to think about this one actually plot poly is hard#raccoon rambles
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purgemarchlockdown · 7 months
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Hm...
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yukipri · 1 year
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I feel like over the month+, I have like 1-2 hours a day max where I feel relatively awake, and every other hour I'm fighting bone-deep exhaustion. I'll bring it up with my doc at my check up on monday, but tbh i know the solution so idk if she can help
And I can work-work when I feel half-dead, or rather I force myself to because I don't want my cats to starve, but when it comes to creative stuff, it's like my mind is slippery sludge dribbling out my eyes...
The Solution, of course: just stop working 3~10 AM every day (and then taking a short nap, working during the day, and then taking another short nap, hours vary but repeat), and maybe get at least 6, ideally 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep at least every other day, ideally every day.
But do I see that happening? No.
Like rn I know I desperately need to edit fic and reply to comments and do several arts but I'm nodding off at my desk after boss DMing me work at 5 AM and dealing with repair people since 8:30 AM...
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bueris · 4 months
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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heyitslapis · 4 months
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i think transfem Denji would look almost exactly the same but would have bad bitch winged eyeliner and wear a choker with a heart ring
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meownotgood · 4 months
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good morning... I woke up very sick 😭
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