#so ace even before i knew what it was as a label that valentine's day never had my full ire

[squirrelwrangler]

Happy Discount Chocolate Eve

[runraerun]

leotards & sun-in

Written for the @harringrovemicroficandart challenge for September. The prompt was: ☀️Summer & Jealous💚

ao3 | rating: T (just for language) | length: 1k

summary:

Billy takes another puff of his cigarette before blowing the smoke out the window in a pathetic attempt to delay the inevitable.

“I saw you with her.”

“With who?”

“Teal leotard! Fucking Jane Fonda, I don’t know!”

“Cindy? We were just talking.”

“She was touching you! And you weren’t—you didn’t stop her.”

“Baby…” Steve smiles. He fucking smiles! The no-good cheating bastard…

Or, Billy catches Steve cheating. Or does he?

Billy should’ve known when he had to park his Camaro at the ass end of the Starcourt parking lot that the place would be packed. The heatwave was driving everyone inside, and the mall had a pretty bitchin’ AC system. Billy didn’t mind the heat—in fact, he’d be out there right now, shirtless, soaking up some rays if he didn’t have to pick Steve up from his shift at Scoops.

The whole him and Steve thing was still sort of fresh. They’d been messing around for a while, but it was only in the last few weeks that they’d agreed to put a label on it.

Boyfriends.

Jesus Christ…

He knew moving to Indiana would change him, but he didn’t know to what degree. Not the queer part—Billy knew he didn’t like girls. The only thing that got his dick hard was another dick.

But the boyfriend part? The holding hands at the movies, the making out on the hood of his car, the pet names, the Valentine’s Day gifts… he was turning into a fucking sap.

It’s almost embarrassing how gone he is for Steve.

So when Billy catches sight of an exceptionally pretty girl through the glass store front of Scoops, clad in one of those leotards that look like they're painted on, and with her hand buried in Steve’s hair—he sees red.

Billy’s furious entrance through the glass doors was somewhat damped by the stupid little bell chiming above him.

The girl jumps, pulling her hand free from Steve’s—his boyfriend’s—hair.

“Oh, hey Billy.” Steve says, all smiles.

And as much as Billy wants to fucking explode, he keeps it bottled up. Knows he can’t lose it right now. Instead, he focuses on taking deep, even breaths.

Both the chick and Steve stare after him, waiting for Billy to make some kind of reply. When it’s clear that that isn’t gonna happen, she just turns back to Steve.

“Well, thanks for the tip, Steve. See you tomorrow.” She says.

“See ya.” Steve returns. The girl then gives Billy a wide berth as she walks out of the store.

“Ready to go?” Steve asks, like nothing was amiss.

Or maybe this is just Steve’s own way of keeping his cool. Maybe… he was waiting until he got Billy alone to explain. To call this whole thing off.

It was all sort of too good to be true anyway. Real pie in the sky shit. It was stupid. Billy was stupid.

So he just nods, not trusting his own mouth. Doesn’t know whether he’ll yell or cry.

It’s not until they’re walking across the parking lot that Steve nudges him with an elbow. “You okay? You’re kinda quiet.”

Billy’s fingers are suddenly itching for a cigarette, so instead of answering Steve, he fishes out a smoke and his lighter.

“Did something happen? Your dad? Did he–”

“It’s not my fucking dad.” Billy snaps.

“Then what is it?” Steve stops walking. He looks at Billy with his head tilted, eyes squinting against the sunlight.

Billy takes a drag of his cigarette and holds it in his lungs for as long as he can before he exhales through his nose. It barely touches his frayed nerves. “Don’t play dumb with me.”

The line between Steve’s brows deepens. “What?”

But Billy turns his back to Steve, taking long strides toward his car.

“Wait! You can’t just–”

“Do you really wanna do this here?” Billy turns, motioning with his cigarette to the handful of random shoppers just searching for their own vehicles.

“Do what?” Steve asks in a voice pitched higher than normal.

“I saw you!” Billy barks, probably too loudly. But in the moment he doesn’t fucking care.

“Saw me? Saw me do what?”

Billy just huffs and takes his last remaining steps until he reaches his vehicle. “Just get in the car. I’ll still drive you home.”

They get in, but when Billy puts the keys to the ignition, Steve swipes them from his hand and holds them out of reach.

“Harrington, I swear–”

“We’re not going anywhere until you explain to me why you’re practically foaming at the mouth.”

Billy takes another puff of his cigarette before blowing the smoke out the window in a pathetic attempt to delay the inevitable.

“I saw you with her.”

“With who?”

“Teal leotard! Fucking Jane Fonda, I don’t know!”

Steve pauses for a beat. “Cindy? We were just talking.”

“She was touching you! And you weren’t–-you didn’t stop her.”

“Baby…” Steve smiles. He fucking smiles!

“It’s not funny!” Now it’s Billy’s turn for his voice to go high.

“It’s not funny, you’re right. I’m sorry. It’s just–Cindy’s married.”

“So? Married people cheat.”

“So she was just asking me where I got my highlights done, because she wanted some. I told her my boyfriend put me onto Sun-In, and I was just explaining to her that it didn’t dry out my ends. I told her she could feel my hair to prove it. And, I don’t know, maybe that’s weird but I wasn’t really thinking about–”

Billy’s mind had gone blank after hearing— “You told her you have a boyfriend?”

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, like he actually had been caught doing something wrong, Steve confesses, “well, her yoga instructor is definitely gay and she doesn’t seem to care, so I figure it wouldn’t be that big of a deal… Look, I know it’s stupid, and dangerous but… I like telling people.”

Steve’s excited to be dating him, Billy realizes, his chest suddenly feeling tight enough to burst. So excited that he wants to tell people.

“Oh.” Is all he can say.

Steve finally lets himself laugh. “I’m sorry! It’s just… You’re really cute when you’re jealous.”

“Shut up.” Billy says, but there’s no heat behind it. He leans over and presses his lips to Steve’s.

To his boyfriend’s lips.

Jesus Christ…

He’s so fucking gone. It should be embaressing, but Billy’s too fucking in love to care.

[cloudaintfair]

Some Taneko Headcanons for White Day.

Keiwa Side

Keiwa has had people use Valentine's Day to confess their love to him. It often made him feel bad to reject them, but, as his sister puts it, its better that he rejected them instead of going out on dates with them when he just does so out of obligation not out of love.

Sara had vehemently rejected his plan of giving every person who gave him chocolates on Valentine's Day, a chocolate on White Day.

He had reasoned out that it was like the friendship chocos that the girls would give their male friends.

Even still, his suggestion met with a resounding no to the point that Sara had to confiscate all of the chocolate he had bought for white day and store it in the house.

This got him the reputation of "dateless" or the title "dateless Keiwa" but of how dejected he often goes to school during white day, which made everyone assume things.

And there you have it, the origins of the "my brother cannot find date" statement that Sara implied when he reported her brother missing. The ironic thing was that she was the cause of such a reputation.

Keiwa didn't mind the title as it was true, he was dateless, but he had to admit that the label stung him a bit, which he just shrugged off.

The label originated from some friends of the people who had confessed to him on Valentine's Day, believing him to be cruel for rejecting the proposal but still accepting the chocolates given to him.

Sooner, Keiwa became part of a dance troupe, and he wasn't really seen in school all that much.

Fast forward to now, Keiwa got panicky when March 7 rolled around. This was the first time he was going to give chocolate to someone he really loved instead of the casual way he had planned all those years ago.

He had consulted his sister, some female friends in the dance troupe, heck he even bit the bullet and asked Tsumuri for advice.

And no, he won't ever, ever, ask Ace for an advice, he'd only get teased.

The surprising bit of advice came from Michinaga.

"Tch, just be yourself, Na-go's already liked you, no need to make a spectacle out of it."

Keiwa was stunned at the advice, he didn't think Michinaga would just give out advice like that.

Neon Side

Neon was giddy with excitement when 12:00 MN March 14 rolled around. She was excited about what kind of chocolate she would receive from Keiwa.

To be fair to her, she was cautioned by Sae not to expect too much as some men would forget about White Day at all.

But Neon couldn't help herself, last Valentine's was her first time giving someone, anyone, homemade chocolates that she asked Sae to teach her to make one.

She was going to admit that she had a lot of unrealistic expectations as March 14 approached.

But she also knew that there was a possibility that Keiwa would just forget, as Sae warned her so she tried to calm her expectations.

Not before long, she was able to sleep.

The day went about normally, but suddenly Keiwa stopped in front of her, dressed casually like it was just any other day.

Keiwa might have forgotten what today was.

She forced her disappointment down and attempted to enjoy her day with her boyfriend.

Not before long, her disappointment was forgotten as she was approached by a lot of people and some had even asked her to teach them about some of the dance steps she uses on her page.

Keiwa volunteered to be one of the teachers alongside Neon, citing how his sister forced him to learn the dance with her.

Soon night time rolled around as the people who approached her earlier in the day soon left feeling satisfied.

The actual giving.

"I hope you didn't think I forgot about today."

Neon was greeted with a thin box wrapped in black and yellow with a green ribbon.

"B-but how?"

"I had nee-chan bring it here not that long ago. I didn't want the chocolate I made to melt during the day."

But, but...

"I figured a leisurely stroll that turned into an impromptu dance lesson was right up your alley instead of having date at a fancy restaurant.

"Oh Keiwa!"

Neon jumped into Keiwa's arms and kissed him, in public.

"So how'd you like my leisurely stroll as a gift?"

"I enjoyed it" Neon smiled. "Better than what I expected."

The next day...

Neon's kiss of Keiwa's lips went viral.

Ace: *whistles* Way to go Tycoon, Na-go!

[tooweirdforyou]

Chocolates » Portgas D. Ace

A/N : Happy Valentine’s Day! :D 🍫 please enjoy this very sweet and fluffy moment with our Ace!

Summary : It’s time to give chocolates.

-

Valentine’s Day.

It was finally the end of the day. This long, eventful day had taken its toll and all you wanted to do was get home and crash.

Not to mention, you didn’t really have anyone in mind to give chocolate or spend this special day with anyways, so a nice romantic comedy and snacks was good enough for you.

“There wasn’t a point in making any chocolates after all.” You sigh and glance at the small box and just tucked it into your bag.

Meanwhile, as you got up and headed for the door, you pass by the lingering students around the classroom and the hallway.

Each one exchanging gifts and chocolates to one another, a few more than others.

Even some of the teachers and staff got some from the students, it was a pretty special occasion. Everyone knew everyone in this school, so it wasn’t that much of a surprise. Especially with how kind the staff were.

“Time to go.”

Heading out, you head to your shoe locker to switch out your footwear when you pass by Ace along with a female.

Portgas D. Ace.

You weren’t sure what your problem with Ace was, Ace was a great guy. He was such great manners, he’s so kind to everyone he meets, he’s a bit clueless but warm-hearted, not too mention handsome, with freckles.

It was no wonder his bag was overflowing with chocolates and gifts.

But even then, something about him just put you off. Perhaps it was because he seemed to constantly be around wherever you were, and everyone was so focused on him. Made sense since he was popular.

Plus, he seems so happy and almost irritating to you, you wonder what he could be hiding. As much as he was an open book, he was still quite the mystery.

You went to just walk past but you stopped, going to hide behind the wall.

You were curious to see what he was going to do with the female in front of him. Not only was she giving him chocolates, it seems she was confessing to him.

“I have strong feelings for you.. so will you go out with me?” Her hand held out a letter for him, signed with just his name and a heart.

Ace blinks before he smiles gently at the girl and pats her head. “For me? How sweet of you, I’m really honored.” Ace hums, moving his hand to place over hers that gripped the letter.

“But.. I’m afraid I have feelings for someone else. My sincerest apologies, miss. I don’t mind being friends though, if you’re alright with that.”

A beaming grin plasters over his face and even if she was just rejected, she just couldn’t say no.

“Oh.. well I don’t mind. I’m okay with being friends! Thank you, Ace.” With that, the female headed off with a smile, leaving Ace alone but had the letter in hand.

You blink at what just happened before glancing at Ace who was staring at the letter, seeing him putting it into his bag.

“Feelings for someone, huh? Surprising.”

For some reason, hearing that made your heartstrings tighten just a little bit, but you figured you were just feeling dehydrated is all.

Just as you went to continue walking, a voice peers behind you.

“[Name]? What’re you doing like that?”

Jumping away in shock, you turn around to see Ace standing with quite the puzzled look. “Sorry, did I scare you?”

Your eyes narrow and you furrow your brows. “How did he get behind me so quickly??” You decide to disregard it and just exhaled.

“Nothing, see you tomorrow, Ace.” You mutter, walking away with your bag to your locker when Ace follows you, smiling.

“Going home already? Hey, did you give chocolates to anyone?”

This is where you slowly become annoyed.

“Yeah, I am going home. The school day ended. And why does it matter if I did or not?”

“Oh, right.” Ace chuckles sheepishly before smiling softly. “Well, I was just curious since you have a box sticking out of your bag. Either you made or bought those for someone or someone gave them to you, so I’m curious! Secret admirer?”

“Nothing like that, dumbass... I don’t know why I made them..” You knew exactly why but you didn’t want to admit it.

Ace stays silent as he follows you to your locker before offering a softer smile and reached into his bag, going deeper to the bottom where he pulls out a dark red box, about the size of a tennis ball.

“Here. I want to give this to you.”

You look up and see the box in his hand, and Ace humming lightly.

“... is this one of the chocolates you were given?”

Ace widens his eyes and shakes his head quickly. “N-No, it’s one of my chocolates. I made it myself! I wanted to give it to you before you left.”

Ace reaches for your hand and places the small box into it, his smile widening. “There.”

You glance down at the red box and see a tag, reading your name.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, [Name].”

Ace rubs the back of his neck a bit shyly, his cheeks dusting pink. “I really like you.. anyways, I should let you get home, you must have special plans. See you.”

With that, Ace began to walk away, hands in his pockets and a gentle smile on his lips.

This guy.. always so nice and considerate.. you never would’ve dreamed the person he liked was you.

Slowly, a blush began to form on your cheeks as you grip the box. “Tch..”

“Ace!”

The male turns around at his name, just to be met with a box tossed in his face.

Expecting it to be his box, he was surprised to see it [ Color ] instead of his dark red one and he blinks, looking up at you to see you faced away.

“H-Happy Valentine’s Day..”

Ace tilts his head as he glances down at the box again, a bright smile starting to form as he sees the tag, labeled with his name.

“To Portgas D. Ace ~ Happy V-Day.”

Just as you slowly turn around to see his reaction, you see the beaming grin on his face, seeing him hold up the box of chocolates and bringing it to his lips to press a tender kiss to it.

“Thank you, [Name]! I’ll savor it!” He calls out as he walks backwards, winking as he did so before running off.

You merely blush at the action and clear your throat, looking down at the small box in your hands.

“Portgas D. Ace..”

-

A/N : Thoughts? :O

[spookykestrel]

💙,🔮 and 🏳️‍🌈?

:)

Hello hello!! :)

💙 - so…Christianity right? I was born and raised (and mostly still consider myself to be) Christian, and because I come for a conservative family my first introduction to the queer community wasn’t a great one. It wasn’t until fifth grade I actually even knew that a man could marry a man (and that was from percy Jackson probably?? Or maybe a conversation I had with my bus driver LMAO). So it took me a while to unlearn some of the more negative stuff associated with the community. My biggest motivator was when my friend came out as bi in seventh grade and since I love my friend I accepted them and this led to me realizing that homophobia is disgusting and I became super passionate about supporting the lgbtq community. Then I started reading more books with queer characters and hanging out with people in gsa and I got really involved with the community as a whole which eventually led to me being like “hang on why do I feel so strongly about queer rights?” So as a very long winded response to the question, I thought I was just a really passionate ally for a while before I found the right labels.

🔮- as I sort of mentioned, there wasn’t really a defining moment just a slow realization. When everyone around me started coming out I started questioning my own identity. At first I did the whole “ hmm I’d be just as willing to date a girl as a boy thing and totally chill with dating anyone of any gender tbh” thing and was like wow I’m bisexual then! But that still didn’t feel completely right and I had a LOT of doubt in myself because I didn’t feel much attraction to girls (and then questioned if I felt attraction to anyone else) until I started seeing tumblr posts about asexuality and started realizing how much it applied to me. But I was scared to actually embrace the label because what if I was just a late bloomer or something??? it wasn’t until I was 15 or 16 that I completely felt comfortable with coming out to friends for the first time.

🏳️‍🌈 - yes!!! Love all bi, aro, and ace flags especially the ace flag :) my favorite colors are green and purple so it works out very well for me. I’d say I have a predominantly cooler toned wardrobe (blue, purple, green) with a lot of black and white so I try to incorporate some of the colors from my various flags into my outfits — my favorite was dressing only in black white grey and green in Valentine’s Day

- Here’s the ask game <3 -

[granvarones]

The past month has been one of redemption, affirmation and celebration for Omaha, Nebraska’s own Dominique Morgan.

February 16th, 11 years ago to the date that Dominique walked out of the Tecumseh State Correctional Institution where they spent 18 dehumanizing months in solitary confinement, Dominique was cutting the ribbon at the opening of the Lydon House. A program of Black and Pink, the largest prison abolitionist organization serving LGBTQ+ people and people living with HIV/AIDS who currently and formerly incarcerated, the Lydon House is the first of it’s kind providing housing for LGBTQ+ people who are formerly incarcerated in the United States. Dominique, who serves as Black and Pink’s Director says, “This is about providing people who are system impacted and who are experiencing re-entry with a love, support and affirmation that allows them to move past surviving and into thriving.”

Dominique knows first hand about that journey.

“When I walked out of the Nebraska Department of Corrections, I had nothing but a bag of cassettes of songs that I wrote as survival tactic to save my mind and spirit.” It is this kind of testimony that has made Dominique one of the nation’s most renowned social justice activists. Chyle, Dominique even has their own TedTalk. Legend, I tell you, LEGEND! But now with the recent release of their new single, Domonique is ready to make R&B just a little bit more queer.

Two days before the historic Lydon House ribbon cutting, Dominique released their new single, “Wrong Time.” The acoustic guitar driven soul ballad is a beautiful melodic throwback to the 90s. I chatted with Dominique about their new single and all things music.

Gran Varones: Where did you grow up and what was that like?

Dominique: I’m born and raised in Omaha Nebraska. Small town vibes with a few billionaires. I love my city. I honestly can’t imagine living anywhere else. The shirt commute times definitely offset the white supremacy.

GV: What do you hope people take away from your music?

Dominique: I want folks to know they aren’t alone. You’re not the only person who loved someone who didn’t love you back. You’re not the first person to look a fool for someone. You aren’t the first.

I guess that comes down to solidarity. GV: As we just welcomed a new decade, where do you see or envision your music going this year?

Dominique: Early on I found myself doing what everyone told me I should do. My songs, packaging and even collaborations. Now I’m funding my own projects, started my own label and I’m taking control.

I want to hold tight to R&B as a craft. Harmonies, lyrics and key changes. I’m blessed to do work that takes me aces so the country and I haven’t maximized that access for my music as of yet so that is a must.

I just want to fall in love with making music again. I’m definitely feeling like I’m on the right path.

GV: When did you realize you were interested in making music?

Dominique: I had a Teddy Ruxpin when I was 7 and I would play my Rhythm National tape in these over and over. I’d start redoing Janet’s words or harmonize. It was a wrap from there!

GV: How has pop culture/some of your fave artists shaped you as an artist?

Dominique: The art of singing audaciously is all Whitney. The hunger for harmonies that make you listen to a song 6 times over to understand what is happening- Brandy. Writing a song that fits you like a glove – Mariah. I literally pull from these women every day. You can hear it in everything I do.

GV: Whew, the taste is iconic as you are! Who are some of your fave artists?

Dominique: Outside of the ladies listed above – I love SWV, Deborah Cox and The Clark Sisters. Fantasia feeds my soul without question. Throw in some Faith Evans and I’m good to go baby!

GV: Were there black queer artists who inspired you?

Dominique: Honestly the most influential Black Queer artist in my life has been DDM. I remember googling “Gay” musicians back in 2011 and finding his magazine covers and being gagged that someone who I connected to on so many levels was killing it like that. I was blessed to meet him and now call him a friend. I still look at his moves  and get inspired.

GV: What artists inspired you as a queer person

Dominique: This may be redundant but Whitney was it. She had me in drag before I knew what drag was! I had turned the beads that hung over the door jam (80’s baby reference) to my curtain very I Have Nothing Vibes. People don’t respect the how theatrical Whitney was. Legendary. Period.

GV: What inspired this song? Is this something you experience first hand?

Dominique: If you listen to my music you can know when I was in love and when I wanted to cut my partners tires. I’ve realized since my divorce that my own toxic behaviors positioned me to find/adopt/try to raise men who weren’t ready for me. And I realized that I’m not a bad person – they aren’t a bad person – we just found each other at the wrong time.

This was initially a solo (also that will be on the full album) and then I thought about Black Queer love and the absence of our truth in music. E Rawq agreed to come in and we played with the record and we competed it in about 5 hours.

This song allows us to take accountability while also giving each other grace in love. It felt very appropriate to have this as the first single and drop it on Valentine’s Day.

You can download and stream Dominique Morgan’s new single “Wrong Time” on music platforms. You can also follow Dominique on Instagram and Twitter.

[trashforgubler]

Hold On

Word Count: 2,466

Summary: You try to kill yourself and Spencer (your boyfriend) is left to deal with the aftermath

Extra Info: This fic was inspired by the song “Hold On” by Chord Overstreet and as always I 11/10 recommend you listen to it. Also, I would like to note that this is an extremely sad and dark piece so please please please do not read it if you know it will trigger you. I promise not all my stuff will be this dark but because I watch too much criminal minds I am a little bit “dark and twisty” so this kind of stuff will come up every now and then.

Warnings: Light swearing, cutting, self hatred, suicide, dark humor, literally if it’s depressing its probably in here

Requests: Open pls send

Feedback pls and thank

masterpost 

This was it. You were done. You couldn’t do it anymore. You breathed.

Inhale.

Exhale.

As you looked around the room, your eyes fell upon a photograph. It was taken on the day you and Spencer went ice skating together, and he pretended to not know how just so he could hold your hand. A smile made its way onto your face for the first time in a while, but you hated the bitter sweetness of old memories. On the one hand, you loved thinking back to times when you were happy. Truly happy. Oh, how times had changed. Now thinking about those memories made you cry, because you knew there was no way to go back to how things had been. How was it possible to want to cherish something and forget about it at the same time? You sighed and stared at the blade sitting on your desk. Your hands rested on its cool surface as you learned up against it, head hung low as a million thoughts flew through it.

I can’t do this to him. He won’t survive.

Thoughts swarmed your head like a hurricane. You wracked your brain, trying to think of a way out that wouldn’t kill you both. And then it came. You opened the desk and took out a flimsy piece of notebook paper and a pencil, as if a note explain yourself would make it all better. Maybe it wouldn’t erase his pain, but you hoped it spare him some. You heard somewhere that the not knowing is the worst part for the people left behind. After a while, they could grasp the fact that you were gone, that was easy. It was not knowing the reason why that eats at them for an eternity. Spencer had to know he wasn’t a reason. You picked up a pen and held it against the paper, watching as the dot of ink grew larger and larger. Nothing had ever prepared you for this moment. English class had taught you how to write a 2,000 word essay in one night, but you couldn’t ever recall “how to write a suicide note,” being on a syllabus. You figured if you didn’t think about the words to much, they would just come to you.

Dear Spence,

I don’t know how to say this. I’m sorry. I’ll miss you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you.

You were planning on something a little more extravagant than that. That’s what always happened in books in movies. Characters writing big long letters to their loved ones, explaining every detail of their decision. A play by play to the exact moment they decided they were going to cut their life short. But in that moment, you couldn’t even bring yourself to think what you felt. Trying to put your reasoning on paper was impossible, as if you had to have a good enough reason to kill yourself. Almost as if there was a court that approved your application for suicide. “Oh, you hate yourself and you think you’re a burden to everyone? Sorry, Mike over here just overfed his goldfish and killed it. Please try again in 20 years.” Realizing the fact that you couldn’t even figure out what you were feeling suddenly frightened you. If you couldn’t even understand your own brain, how could Spencer? Words started floating through your head as you attempted to put a label on what you felt. Sad? No, not really. Depressed maybe, but not necessarily sad. Angry? Angry at the world? Yes. Angry enough to die? Probably not. Guilt? Guilt. That was it. You probably felt guilty because that you were leaving an innocent man to suffer while you got to be free. But you couldn’t help it. You were trapped.

You placed the note on the counter and undressed yourself. As you walked into the bathroom, blade in hand, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Cringing, you studied each and every part of your body. The body you had despised your entire life. You were too big, had too many stretch marks and too many scars. The cuts covered your body. Your eyes strung with tears as you realized this is the last time you would ever look in a mirror. You didn’t know whether those tears are of happiness or sadness. It was all irrelevant anyways, none of it mattered anymore. In a few minutes you would be dead, completely useless to the world as you always had been. You never had a purpose, you had just become tired of pretending that would ever change. The water stung the cuts on your thighs as you stepped into the bath. Slowly, you sank down into it. The coldness seeped into your veins, leaving chills across your skin. The blade in your hand stared at you, taunting you, daring you to cut.  You bit your lip, but you weren’t sure why. You had no doubts, no fears. This is what you wanted to do.

“I’m in complete control”, you reminded yourself, although you knew it was bullshit. You weren’t the one who decided to do this. The monster that has slowly been possessing your body for the past three years was. The person you once were was gone. She died the day you put a blade to your small wrist for the first time. Just as you were about to do for the very last time. Inhaling, you plunged the blade into your arm despite your shaking hand. You drug down your arm, following the blue vein that ran down it like a map. A map to death.  Blood began pouring out of you and mixed in with the bath water, turning it a murky red color. Black dots began to appear in front of you as your head spun. The cold water seeped closer and closer to your face as you sunk down into it, slowing losing conscious. You were so close to death that you didn’t even hear the front door open. The last thing you saw before you blacked out completely was Spencer leaned over the bathtub, tears cascading down his red face as he wrapped his arms around your limp body, trying to pull you from the tub.

Spencer’s POV

Your lifeless body stared at Spencer from the bath mat, your blood staining the once white fabric. He couldn’t take his eyes off you, even as he fumbled to reach for his phone.

“911 what’s your emergency?”

“My girlfriend is bleeding out.”

The words, “my girlfriend tried to kill herself in our bathtub with a blade she got from a broken pencil sharpener,” refused to come out of his mouth, but he assumed it didn’t matter. All he knew was that you were probably dead. Time was nonexistent. The next thing he knew he was riding in the back of the ambulance as he watched you slowly fade further and further away from him. He felt like he was dreaming. This couldn’t be real. Everyone else who fell in love got to be happy. They got to give each other valentines and go out on movie dates and kiss each other whenever they please. His stomach twisted when he realized he might not get to kiss you ever again.

As soon as he arrived at the hospital, a nurse pulled him away from you as you were whisked off to surgery. He stood there, in the middle of the ER, completely helpless. His pulse racing and could hear his heartbeat in his ears as it echoed loudly inside his chest. His head was swimming with a million thoughts all at the same time, and he couldn’t get them to stop. God, he just wanted them to stop. The nurse asked if he wanted to call anyone. All his concentration was put into trying to remember anyone’s name. “J- Jennifer Jareau,” he finally stammered out. The nurse nodded and lead him to a waiting room and then left him. Alone.

The ticking of the clock was starting to drive him insane. Why was there so much noise? He put his head in his lap and clamped his arms over his ears, trying to block it all out, but it persisted with no avail. The clock, the crackle of the AC, they sound of people shoes as they walked outside the door. It was too much.

“Spence.”

The sound of a soft voice startled him. His arms fell from his ears and dangled at his sides, but he kept his head down, to embarrassed to look up. JJ was standing before him, tears in her eyes as she said his name. “Spence?” she asked, bending down to look at him. She brushed a loose curl out of his face and looked him in the eye, eyebrows furrowed in concern. Spencer felt a tear trickle down his cheek and land on his cardigan. He sniffed as he pursed his lips and shut his eyes, still not believing any of this was happening. She was fine. He told himself. I thought she was fine. The more he thought about her, the more he began to cry. The now bitter sweet memories of seeing her smile when he woke up every morning or hearing her laugh when he complained about being referred to as a “pipe cleaner with eyes,” tore at his heart. “Aww Spence.” JJ said, wiping away a tear. She didn’t know how to help him. How do you help someone who was waiting to see if the love of there life was alive or not? She didn’t know. “Spence did you cut yourself?” JJ asked with motherly concern, seeing the jagged tear in his jeans that was seeping blood.

Spencer shrugged, “probably just the blade she dropped,” he said plainly.

The words made JJ’s heart ache. Here he was, slumped in a hospital chair, crying because he didn’t know what was going to happen, and she knew it killed him knowing that he couldn’t fix it.  Whenever there was a problem, Spencer made fixing it his number one priority. He couldn’t fix this. He couldn’t bring you back to life, or make your pain go away. He was so caught up in it that he hadn’t even noticed that he hurt himself on the blade you tried to take your life with.

“What can I do?”

“Just…” Spencer started before having to stop to compose himself, “Be here,” he finished, voice breaking as he did. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to contain his emotions.

“Okay.” JJ nodded, sitting down in the chair next to him. He tilted his head to rest on her shoulder and collapsed further into her as he felt her arms wrap around him. “Okay.” She repeated. “Okay.”

Hours passed. Or maybe it was only a few minutes, Spencer wasn’t quite sure, but before they knew it, the doctor had come out to talk to them. “Are you Y/N’s family?” She asked them.

“Yes.” They both said in unison.

“Okay, well she’s stable for now, but we’re not sure when she’ll wake up. We had to suture her wrists and replace a lot of her blood, but she should be fine, with the expectation of lots of therapy of course.”

Spencer let out a sigh of relief as he allowed a small smile to appear on his face. JJ thanked the doctor as they both head into your room. They made themselves comfortable in chairs by your bed. Spencer took your hand in his as he learned back into his chair, falling asleep to the sound of your steady breathing, and the beeping on the heartrate monitor. He loved that sound. It meant you were alive. That you were okay. That he would be okay.

 Your POV

You woke up to the sun streaming in through the window pane, casting a warm glow onto your face. You almost smiled at the feeling. It reminded you of carefree summer days spent at a neighborhood block party, eating red, white and blue popsicles with your friends. It just made you happy. You could hear soft snoring coming from the person next to you.

Spencer.

Oh shit, Spencer. Had he been there all night? Had he been there more than one night? You quickly realized that this question would be a lot easier to answer if you knew what day it was. You squeezed his hand gently to wake him. He opened his eyes, which were red from either sleep deprivation, crying, or both. You didn’t know. Another pang of guilt stabbed you the more you looked at him. His messier than usual hair, the crescent shaped circles under his eyes. You did this to him, and you didn’t even know why.

“Hey beautiful,” he said groggily, rubbing sleep from his eyes. You managed to give a small smile in return. He brushed your forehead with the edge of his thumb and you relaxed at the feeling, as if all your problems and this giant mess you’ve gotten yourself into were now gone because of the way his hands felt up against your skin. Not in a sexual way, but in a pure way. The way only Spence could make you feel. He made you feel safe.

“How long have I been here?”

“Just a day.” He responded.

“And you?”

“Just a day,” he repeated, looking down at your hand as he smiled. His eyes then wandered over to your wrists, which were covered in big white bandages, but they did nothing to hide the other cuts up and down the upper part of your arms. “I love you,” he started, bringing an edge of seriousness you’ve never heard from him before. He looked up at you with those big brown eyes. “You know that, right?”

“Of course, I do, Spence.” You dreaded where this conversation was heading.

“You know you can talk to me about anything.”

“I know.” You said quietly, breaking eye contact as shame consumed you.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked in a low voice, leaning towards you as he said it. You promptly shook your head. To say you have zero interest in talking about it would be the understatement of the year. You know that you can talk to him, but you don’t want to cause him any more pain than you already put him through.

“Okay.” He said, understanding. “Not now, but eventually we need to talk about it okay?”

You nodded in agreement. As much as you hated to admit it, he was right. As always. He bent down and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, and you felt a small tear drop trickle off his face. “I love you Y/N.” he said. “Sleep.”

[phirephox666]

Weekly Fic Recs - BNHA

This is gonna be an experiment in, you know, actually doing something with my disaster of a blog. So! Weekly Fic Recs. Because I read, and have read, a fuckton of fic, and I like sharing. These are all BNHA and Bakugou-centric.

Weekly Rec Lists - More BNHA Recs

Beyond You and I by IvoryCrow 

Bakugou/Midoriya, Bakugou & Midoriya, Bakugou & Kirishima, Bakusquad, WIP, 8.5k

He has always known that Izuku Midoriya will undeniably become the best hero of their time. There was no amount of bullying he could ever inflict upon him to change that. But he never realized that this fate was strongly dependent on the existence of Katsuki Bakugou.

(In which Katsuki was born with a second, more subtle quirk.)

Honestly just a really interesting premise. I love the idea of secondary or subtle quirks and this is a neat execution of the idea. I like the interpretation of Bakugou in this, and I appreciate the focus on the friendships, not just the romance. I’m really enjoying this fic so far. 

More Than One Hero by verymerrysioux

Bakugou & Midoriya, Bakugou & Kirishima, Bakugou & Shinsou, Midoriya & Kirishima, Midoriya & Shinsou, Kirishima & Shinsou, Friendship/Gen, Crossover/Fusion, Reincarnation AU, WIP, 31k

Bakugou Katsuki is an odd child, quiet and unassuming at first glance. One wouldn’t think he’d have the makings of a hero. The people who actually know him say otherwise.

His parents will say he collects a lot of odd things, likes to make too many unnecessary explosions (quirk or not), and can be so quiet that people won’t know he’s there. His childhood friend will say he’s a little weird, switches from polite speech to swears-a-lot at the drop of a hat, and has the habit of giving things away as much as he collects them. His classmates and teachers in U.A will say he’s too nosy for his own good, rummages through all the pots in the campus way too much, and is often unfazed by anything thrown his way. No matter how bizarre it may be.

Regardless, they all think he’ll be a great hero.

The most ridiculous, wonderful thing. This fic is hilarious and amazing and such a strange concept. But it works! Fun and interesting and wildly weird. There’s also some really well done serious moments. The entire fic feels very organic and well done. Poor All Might, though, he’s not prepared for any of this nonsense. 

Slow to Start (But Quick to Burn) by mousapelli

Kirishima/Bakugou, A/b/o Dynamics, Complete, 29k

Bakugou is loud, abrasive, and way too strong to be a “good” omega, and he doesn’t give half a damn if that’s what everybody else thinks. The good news is that Kirishima is 100% into him just the way he is. The bad news is he might be 150% into Kirishima

I enjoy A/b/o and I really enjoy this sort of trope subversion. A really good build between Kirishima and Bakugou into a relationship. Not a bad integration of A/b/o into the Bnha universe, without just slapping Alpha/Omega labels on everyone and calling it good. 

believe in me, believe in you by gold_rush

Bakugou & Todoroki, Bakugou & Midoriya, Friendship/Gen, Complete, 4.6k

Katsuki accidentally sees evidence of Todoroki’s abuse and he is FURIOUS.

Should probably be subtitled “Bakugou Katsuki wants to drop kick Endeavor in the face”. Has some of my favorite stuff in it, protective Bakugou and Parental Aizawa. Also, some really solid Bakugou and Midoriya interaction. 

Put the Meat on My Bones by wonduhwoman

Bakugou/Midoriya/Uraraka, Bakugou & Shinsou, Bakugou & Kirishima, Bakugou & Todoroki, Aged Up Midoriya & Uraraka, WIP,  42k

“Dude,” Kirishima said, “How much did he tip you?”

Katsuki glanced down at his hand clutching the money, “Two-hundred bucks.”

Sero whistled low.

“What’s this?” Yaoyorozu asked, stealing the slip of paper off the bar before Katsuki could protest. She unfolded it, eyes widening, “He gave you his number, Bakugou! He even drew a winky face next to it!”

The consequences of Midoriya and Bakugou not growing up and going to UA together. Well executed AU, and some really great characterization all around. I love the friendships between Bakugou and Shinsou, but also the friendships between Bakugou and class 1A. Very solid writing, and just a very enjoyable fic so far. 

Adventures with Bakugou by SatyrSyd37

Bakugou & Class 1A, Gen/Friendship, WIP, 21k

Class 1-A learns a lot from Bakugou, and Bakugou learns a lot from them.

‘Field trips with Zuko’ style adventures with Bakugou and each of the 1-A kiddos.

I just enjoy this concept immensely. Bakugou and 1A growing and learning together. Also, a little bit of exploration of some of the characters that don’t get as much screen-time in canon is always welcome. 

Exception by saruma_aki

Bakugou-centric, Bakugou & Kirishima, Bakugou/Kirishima, Complete, 4.8k

Bakugou knew that certain things Kirishima would never personally agree with, just like the same applied for Bakugou in regards to Kirishima. But it was why they worked together so well.

Kirishima never hesitated to call Bakugou out on shit, and Bakugou always returned the favor. They engaged in their own personal sort of system of checks and balances, keeping each other in line, providing a unique sort of support.

They were each other’s best friend.

I really, really appreciate fics that deal with the fact that chaining up a fifteen year old in front of millions of people is a terrible idea and probably traumatizing. The fact that it was done by teachers that are supposed to be trusted authority figures is just… a thousand times worse. An excellent look at some of that. 

the world you keep erasing by Slumber

Bakugou/Kirishima, Bakugou & Midoriya, Soulmate AU, Platonic Soulmates,  Complete, 4.2k

Katsuki doesn’t remember a world without color.

He fucking hates it.

The soulmate AU where you can’t see colors before you meet your soulmate. Nice trope subversion and platonic soulmate bits. 

Valentine’s day chocolate is (not) overrated by Poteto

Bakugou/Kirishima, Bakusquad, Fluff, Complete, 5.2k

Bakugou thinks Valentine’s day is a bullshit holiday for bullshit people that spend money on useless sweets. However, if Kirishima wants chocolate that bad…

Super fluffy, super sweet, and super cute. Some really great Bakusquad interaction as well. I like the characterization of a slightly older Bakugou as well. 

Damned Chat-Fic by ooopo123

Bakusquad OT5, Iida/Midoriya/Todoroki, Chat Fic, WIP, 12.8k

5cent Pikachu: Okay! Now that we’re all assembled!

Jacked Up: Tell this Pokemon kin that Mother Mother is better than Of Monsters and Men

5cent Pikachu: N O — A class 1-A chat-fic that’s mostly Baku-Squad centric! Featuring a polyamorous Baku-Squad and other LGBT characters!

Bakusquad OT5 with super sweet interactions between them. Some really, really good class 1A interactions as well. I enjoy the backstories for the different characters. 

What Goes Around by AnglophilicSins

Bakugou & Class 1A, Bakugou-centric Ace Bakugou, WIP, 12k

Five times Bakugou Katsuki looked after his classmates and one time his classmates looked after him.

intertwined by crunchrapsupreme

Bakugou/Kirishima, NSFW, Complete, 6.4k

Kirishima asks Bakugou out in the beginning of April.

– (a study of kiribaku through the seasons)

Stray Bullet by AnonymousTwit

Bakugou & Midoriya, Bakugou & Kirishima, Bakugou & Class 1A, Bakugou-centric, Parental Aizawa, Parental All Might, Complete, 13k

Pushing through the crowd of students, the first thing he noticed was blood on the table. As he grew closer, he caught a small glimpse of Midoriya, his shoulders shaking so violently that they could cause an earthquake and eyes carrying so many emotions that it was absolutely dizzying.

Or

In which there’s a sniper attack at U.A. and Bakugou decides to do something selfless for once.

Bakugou is just a super-cool character and I love fics that focus on that. He has the potential to be a really great hero. Also, I just love him. 

come and fly away with me by wonduhwoman

Bakugou/Uraraka, Bakugou & Kirishima, A/b/o dynamics, Complete, 3k

Katsuki is an omega and he doesn’t give a fuck.

Ochako is an alpha and all she wants is to get on his level.

He can respect that.

Part One of they say dreamers never die

can you see the fire in these eyes by wonduhwoman

Bakugou/Uraraka, Bakugou & Midoriya, Bakugou & Midoriya & Uraraka, A/b/o dynamics, Complete, 5.8k

Was it really so impossible for everyone to get along?

Yes. Yes it was.

But in the end, even Katsuki agreed that omegas should stick together.

Part Two of they say dreamers never die

laugh all the way to hell by wonduhwoman

Bakugou/Uraraka, Bakugou & Todoroki, Bakugou & Midoriya, Bakugou & Midoriya & Uraraka & Todoroki, Bakugou & Kirishima, Complete, 8k

Katsuki would never admit it to anyone, but being in a pack with Ochako and Deku was actually kind of…fun.

There was just one two-toned, socially inept problem.

Part Three of they say dreamers never die

A Fleeting Smile by AnonymousTwit

Bakusquad, Bakugou & Class 1A, Families of Choice, Friendship/Gen, WIP, 5.7k

Or a collection of fifteen Bakusquad drabbles where someone outside of the Bakusquad catches a rare glimpse of a friendlier side of Bakugou Katsuki, and one time that is specifically reserved for the four people that he hates the least.

I love this fic more and more each chapter. 

Don’t want to lose, don’t want to cry, just want to keep laughing by darkinsanity13

Bakugou & Kaminari, Friendship/Gen, Fluff, Complete, 2.3k

Kaminari just wants to know what makes Bakugou laugh.

So cute, the cutest, I love it to bunches. 

Like Crystals, They Reflect Light by AniPendragon

Bakugou/Kirishima, Bakugou & Midoriya, Bakugou & Ashido, Fluff, Friendship/Gen, Complete, 3.6k

With Christmas right around the corner, Bakugou wonders if now is the time to tell Kirishima how he feels. He’s never been good at dramatic timing, but everyone confesses during the holidays in the movies, so it should work, right?

He’s never been a coward, but fuck if this isn’t terrifying. You can’t exactly punch your feelings, after all.

Just, I adore this fic so much. The Midoriya and Bakugou interactions in this are utterly and completely perfect. The Bakugou and Ashido friendship is sweet as all get out. And Bakugou and Kirishima are adorable.