#so basically dean things

[soft-pine]

this is some really personal shit that has to do with how i analyze and interpret john.

when i was a child, my father dragged me around the country from motel to motel talking about how he lost my mother and his single-minded focus on getting her back. i was his best friend. i was his only confidant. i wanted him to be happy all the time. i felt responsible for when he was sad - both with whatever the current situation was and in all the sad moments of his long sad life. when i wasn't with him, sometimes he would go for weeks without calling and i would miss him and think i did something wrong and then sometimes he would tell me what that wrong thing was and i would try to do better. i sat patiently and quietly on the couch in his strange friend's dark house filled with fishing gear while they talked and talked and talked about the ways the world had screwed them over. i never knew where we were driving to. sometimes i would sleep in the car for hours and we still hadn't gotten there. he wanted me to show him a terrifying and confounding amount of respect. he would cry and i would kneel on the couch next to him and try to envelope his whole body into my arms in a hug. i loved him ferociously and protectively. he wanted my singular loyalty and got it. it's so hard to even summarize it all. each moment is just so full of ...

he hurt my feelings and i loved him. i got mad at him and i loved him. he got mad at me and i loved him. i felt deeply sorry for him and i loved him.

and when i watched supernatural oh boy let me tell you.....

and i know it's not chic or whatever to compare john to your dad. I KNOW THAT. but not to garishly bear my open bloody heart on the internet. it's just. i watched this fucking show and i was like... i know him. like. i know that man.

and i'm kinda screwed because we all are analyzing things from our own experiences so when i'm interpreting all the little clues left about john throughout the show, it all feels so familiar. and i don't actually have a way to separate my experience as a child with that kind of father from the way i'm analyzing and watching spn. and so i'm stuck saying, well john just is really similar to my dad. and, yeah, of course there are differences. but i guess all i can do is commit to bringing as much nuance and care to any and all creative endeavors or analysis as half a lifetime of therapy has taught me...

[shallowseeker]

Once an angel, always an....???

Not for nothin, but the things Cas appreciates most about Jack are the HUMAN parts.

and Cas admires that Jack takes after kelly in that he’s a beautiful EMOTIONAL CREATURE and he LOVES MOVIES

13x12

EMOTIONAL. INTUITIVE.

///

And Cas is not without a smattering of PRIDE. "He looks like <me, not you> and his instinct is ME as his father" > "ON PURE INSTINCT HE REACHED OUT TO ME"

Jack called Cas father before anyone else; has maybe modeled himself after Cas

13x12, 13x01

And Cas is okay with that, but only up to a point, as we'll see when Jack starts to eat up his own soul...

//

but importantly, JUST AFTER ALL THIS experience with Lucifer:

UNDERCURRENT from script: cas gets depressed and horrified with HIMSELF because hanging out with lucifer is not that uncomfortable

13x14 via @spnscripthunt-inactive

bc there's some resonance with Lucifer's angel nature, awakening Cas's own angel instincts

and despite everything maybe even some battle exhilaration

they walk out like two predators on the hunt, smiling as the prey walks right into their trap

13x12 via @spnscripthunt-inactive

///

cas's not even that guilty about it when recounting it in 13x13:

okay, maybe a LITTLE nervous that Dean will be mad that Cas put himself in danger again to get the intel

Cas is like BUT I EXPECTED THAT

and as Lucifer pointed out, I myself have done the same thing before when I was taken prisoner and had to retake some grace...

...

///

BUT ANYWAY

On the nature of souls, I AM ALSO continually thinking about how Cas doesn't want Jack to be a purely celestial being

the thing is, jack isn't like soulless sam was, not completely. jack has GRACE.

(We see that in how, unlike soulless Sam, soulless Jack had a unique type of emotional volatility...)

//

but yeah

like mary doesn't want her boys to be hunters

cas in so many ways doesn't want jack to be an angel at least not ALL angel***

and jack gets that message early: BE AS STRONG AS THE ANGELS AND DO EVERYTHING THEY DO

and yet... when he's weak, he's not "quite himself"

///

be strong like them but don't be LIKE them

what an impossible task!!!!!

///

And later, even when Jack has no soul... there's still GRACE. His celestial essence was still strong:

///

What Cas isn't saying????

So do I.

///

SO yeah. When Jack loses his soul, Cas is affected too—but he doesn't say it. Because to admit it would be to admit what Meredith said in her script: that he's "not what he's pretending to be."

Or, worse—that maybe a soul isn't required to feel at all. Maybe they don't understand it the way they thought they did. Maybe all creatures great and small, grace or no grace, soul or no soul, have the capacity for "what we call humanity."

And if that's true, then all the self-hatred he’s buried—the angel side of him he’s never made peace with—rises to the surface.

But he won’t reckon with it. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

[payphoneangel]

Had a dream last night that human souls and Angels were both made from stardust. So the reason Angels can only use certain vessels was because, at the beginning of creation (i.e the big bang), the humans soul was made from the same stardust as the Angel. The human soul imbues their cells with that stardust, which makes the body a habitable vessel for the Angel because it is, on an atomic level, made from that Angel. which imo fucks harder than anything in canon.

[shinyboomboom]

Agent Veronica Sterling

"This is Deans Initial"

[youchangedmedestiel]

Where does the idea of Dean having sex with men for money in his teens/early 20s come from?

I need to know because I didn't catch that in the show, and maybe I missed something or I simply doesn't remember it.

[maddiesbookshelves]

Fav books of 2024 (in no particular order and including only one re-read that I had actually never finished so it doesn't count, shush)

[piptoost]

Spoilers ig for season 8 because, like me, I know there are still some people watching the show a little late 😌

CAN I RANT because I feel like season 8 is such a weird season. Like genuinely what actually happens in season 8 other than the weird thing between Dean and Benny (my beloved by the way! the man is incapable of doing wrong I love him)???

Now listen. Yeah, Sam's in the wrong for leaving and not coming back to help Kevin or not trying to find a way for Dean to get out of Purgatory, but so is Dean! For Dean to give Sam shit for following Ruby and letting her basically guide their way straight to the apocalypse when Dean almost basically did the same thing with Benny and kept it from Sam is crazy. And sure yeah, it goes deeper and Dean and Benny had a bond and all that, but look at it from my perspective. Is Sam not allowed to be at least somewhat suspicious of Benny? Can he not also have trust issues when it comes to this sort of thing because it has backfired on them before? Gut feelings aside--which is not what I'm talking about, I'm talking about basic equality and broken trust between brothers because of something similar that has happened BEFORE--the whole thing just makes me question Dean's morality in all this because how the fUCK is that supposed to work???

Anyway, for my first rewatch, I remember that I have free will and can skip season 8 but there IS still lore in season 8 so I can't 😔 besides, I need some Benny moments I miss him dearly, and ignoring everything about how out of character it was for Sam to hit that dog and fall in love with what's-her-face, it was a sweet moment and I kinda liked watching it play out. Even though, the more I think about it, it's really like. Not Sam. It's like a non-canon spin-off version of Sam. So I can't really ignore it. But it's whatever lmao I didn't write season 8 😭 ANYWAYYYYYY. It's one thing to call Sam out on his bullshit. But he was trying. He really was. And so it's a completely different thing when Dean decides to fucking fake text Sam as the lady just to make him see that she was happy without him. Like okay I get the sentiment, but that's fucked up. Because Sam did try. And he was trying to make up for the mistakes he made throughout the year Dean was gone. But the motherfucker just had to add something extra into that pot.

haha Dean is cool but sometimes I really hate his guts.

Edit: some of my info was wrong lmao so I had to fix it 🧍‍♀️ THANK YOU @somaliradfem FOR CORRECTING ME!!!

[diorstarr]

[boykingscourt]

so I read this fic where Sam died in Cold Oak and stayed dead until season 12, then Amara resurrected him for Dean instead of Mary and it was a really good fic but GOD the concept has not left me since so walk with me a bit

basically baby 24yo Sam and his 37yo big brother Dean who is 10x as gruff, 10x as traumatized, and 10x as unhinged after having lived without Sam for almost a decade

he's also naturally 10x as protective. in the fic I read he only let Sam go on milk run hunts which he obsessively researched beforehand to make sure he wouldn't get hurt and yes that I agree with delicious and wonderful but I also think about Dean getting so protective and possessive that Sam is pretty much afraid of him all the time but doesn't tell him of course

then I think about Rowena who would absolutely ADORE Sam at that age and Dean notices it too like whenever they need her help for something and Dean has brought Sam along she basically never insults them and seems actually enthusiastic to help. Dean is wary of her but can pick up on the fact that she's very fond of Sam and he uses that to his advantage

but that chummy relationship Dean had with Crowley is out the window because he doesn't trust him around Sam at all

anyway I think Rowena should teach Sam some witchcraft that also harnesses his psychic power in some way and they keep it a secret from Dean because Sam is afraid of his reaction and then when Dean inevitably finds out he's all "hey why the hell didn't you tell me?"

and Rowena chimes in, more angry on someone else's behalf than Dean has ever seen her, "is it not obvious? the poor boy is terrified of you!"

and Dean feels his stomach drop and turns to Sam because that certainly can't be true but he knows it is when Sam looks guilty and won't meet his gaze

anyway enjoy these thoughts because that's all they are

[ghostcreaturetypething]

“My little sister reminds me of Sam.”

“Aww haha, all except the psychic bit right?”

WRONG

[loregirlsam]

Ikr! Especially because he was not technically supposed to survive possession. He was supposed to die in the fight so who knows what kind of side effects he's gonna end up with. Maybe he's left with some of Lucifer's tricks. Like he snaps his fingers once and the person next to him is instantly vaporized. That would be very fun for me personally

that would also be very fun for me <3 i love when sam is in pain and i think accidentally vaporising/killing someone with his powers would cause so much guilt for him, but also fear that dean will once again see sam as something to be hunted like he told him in s4. @supamerchant left some interesting tags about his emotions affecting his powers, so the more upset he gets with himself the more his powers fuck things up, a never ending feedback loop overwhelming him to the point where he'd do anything just to make it stop. and maybe his desire to make it all stop is fuelled by hallucifer taunting him that its his own grace left inside sam that's causing all of this, and sam thought being lucifers vessel was bad but having his grace linger in him might be worse.

i promise i do like sam i just like causing him pain ♥

[fadeoutstreet]

i think sometimes people talk abt demon blood as if it were supernatural cocaine and uh pretty sure its a bit worse than that i mean i dont really care cause sam could kill every single human being in this planet and i would be okay but its not like people were wrong to say he should stop ?? ofc dean and bobby dealt with it in the worst possible way but that shit messes you up man .. sam was really turning into something thats hes not and uh sam has never wanted that . ever ...

[dean-winchesters-leather-jacket]

I’m writing a fic bc life’s too short and I’m trying to decide whether to have Cas and Dean kiss after Dean lectures Cas while treating the wounds Cas got from breaking into caelum (which is basically heaven in this universe just where all the angels are but they’re not angels it’s hard to explain) to steal a hard drive that they need in order to complete their mission and Cas thinks that Dean is upset because it was lowkey rash and not super well thought out but Dean is really upset because he was so worried about Cas and so they’re like sitting on a couch and Cas is like “I’m sorry for not talking this through with the team” (the team includes Charlie Benny Crowley and a gender swapped Gabriel bc idgaf) “but I saw this chance and I just needed to take it but I know it was a little rash” and Dean just stares at him and is like “I’m not mad I was just so worried” or smth more eloquent than that and they both have a moment of realization what the other thinks about each other and just kinda have a tender moment and then Deans like “I worry because I care” and then Cas is like “I care too that’s why I had to do this” and then they just like lean in and kiss

so it’s either that or they continue pining the entire fucking time and then Dean pulls some shit and ends up being near a big explosion whilst trying to protect Sammy (that’s the whole goal of this bc John is a fucking bitch) and so anyways it’s kind of an Indiana jones moment where everyone is like “omg he’s dead” and then he like spawns behind them and is like “wait who’s dead?” and then they’re all so overwhelmed with emotion but like especially Cas and he ends up like channeling that emotion into being like pissed and ends up shoving Dean against the wall (this also happened earlier right before the scene I just talked about) and is like “don’t do that” and Dean just kinda smirks and is like “okay” but then the emotion changes to joy and Cas plants a kiss on Dean right then and there and everyone is shocked, but Dean kisses him back and it’s like all cute you know?

now that im writing this all down im thinking that I should do the first one as the first kiss but they don’t tell anyone about it and then I still do the second one but focus on the other people’s reactions for comedic relief after a stressful scene ok thanks for helping me through this chat <3

[quietwingsinthesky]

soulless sam was at his best when he was still being written as a version of sam, to accentuate parts of him that normally get held back, and not as 'guess he's evil now'. soulless sam when he's reflecting sam's tendency to lose sight of everything else in pursuit of a goal. soulless sam when he's just kind of rude without thinking about it without his filter on. soulless sam when he's equal parts intent on keeping dean with him and also happy to lie to him and keep him shut out of the things he knows dean won't like so that dean won't leave. soulless sam when he equally recognizes that he is a better hunter now, and also that he probably can't continue to exist without his soul. (you know. before they went along with making him just kind of evil.)

...soulless sam when he's begging for literally anyone to acknowledge his autonomy in this situation and not force him to take his soul back without knowing how much it could damage him and being ignored.

[lovetransaction]

for me the finale works perfectly because I think it is the only way their story together should've ended. there should never have been some kind of grand glorious badass exit. their lives were only ever meant to be the day-to-day grind, and going out on a routine hunt but saving two siblings was so much truer to who they were as winchesters than beating any hugely-powered occult entity.

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

(also would appreciate a in explanation cuz i find this very interesting)

((also reblog for sample size please))