#so basically every time they interact he’s like ‘hey we’re married!! when am i getting my one night in bed with you!’

[lannisterdaddyissues]

im reading this book called shanna and all i can think of is a braime au....

[aerplain]

Hiii okay pick and choose or do them all haha :] 001, Catch 22, 002, Girlverse Cathkorn, 003, Girlcart (I'm sure you saw this coming) and your OC Saph :')

HEY MAX thanks for the ask and yes i will do all of them >:}

cut bc it will be very long

CATCH 22

Favorite character: Cath... idk. :] he’s so terrible but so dumb and his parts are the funniest to read. Awful person wonderful character. I want another book of just his reactions to Situations bc he’s just such a Guy. The guy ever Least Favorite character: I think the answer for most people is aarfy. and I agree but I'm gonna also say captain black. Aarfy because he was created to function as basically the Worst, and Cpt Black bc i just personally find him annoying. There’s a lot of awful guys in c22 who are fun to read about, but reading these guy’s parts is just “man them again. do they ever shut up”. 5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): 

Kathcorn 4ever </3 

M&W (thanks max) 

clevbar (thanks max)

Yoss/luciana - they’re a classic

space reserved for random joke stuff that has no reason other than “these guy’s names are always mentioned together so they’re a Thing now” (gus/wes or plitchard/wren) there’s no reason for this but its funny

Character I find most attractive: Any character I draw tbh. I think they’re all supposed to be just Guys but i cant help being like “hi 😘″ when i draw them.  Character I would marry: NO ONE. they are so ridiculous Luciana Character I would be best friends with: clevinger maybe. we’re both annoying and like to seem smart.  a random thought: said this earlier but they will never make a good adaptation if they don’t get the cathcart or the milo right. They're so integral to the story and they’re always adapted like “look at this funny guy. he’s going to be a nuisance.😉 now back to yossarian”. and milo is always clean shaven and cathcart is not smoking his opulent cigarette holder? why not?? An unpopular opinion: i dont know what unpopular or popular c22 opinions even are. major major could beat captain black in a fistfight My Canon OTP: Do cath & korn count. I think they should count (has read every part where they’re mentioned like 20 times and morphed it to fit my interpretation) I think heller could’ve meant it in a homophobic way. Gay disney villain korn time. If they don’t count i think the Yoss & Luciana bits were always fun too.  My Non-canon OTP: Milo & Wintergreen just cuz I love your writing for them max. I never would’ve come up with this on my own since I don’t think they really interact cuz the concept itself is so fun. Business rivals>business partners> Love?? Most Badass Character: No one they are all kind of losers. Maybe Orr  Most Epic Villain: same for the last one. they’re all lame. Or the idea of the catch itself and all of it’s enforcers  Pairing I am not a fan of: maybe this is my unpopular opinion but i think yoss & chaplain are not ideal romantically. its the fandom go-to romance bc its the literal first line (and i used to love them when i first read the book) but idk. theyre ok to me and not as fun as all the other wacky and crazy guys out there Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): I think duckett should NOT have been into yossarian and her thing should've just been being girlbffs with cramer. love loses. heller has to write every woman the way he does :[ Favourite Friendship: ME and MAX catch22bffs forever <3. real answer i think clev/dunbar/yossarian have the best conversations theyre all so insufferable in their own ways and its great Character I most identify with: nurse cramer. kinda her friend starts dating some guy and she’s like “ok what happened to being girl best friends😒”. and dobbs in the sense that i am kind of bad at a lot of the things i have to do Character I wish I could be: NO ONE for real this time. i can’t think of a single guy who isn’t either awful or has awful things happen to them. or both

Kathcorn :>

When I started shipping them: i remember reading the book the first time and thinking ‘wow they are just like my ocs. theyre dating behind the scenes haha’ and then forgetting about them. And I get back into the book and find a few other people who are Cath n Korn fans, I get really into Kathcorn Kontent, I draw them more and now they're my favorites <3 My thoughts: they’ve got one of my favorite themes, where the relationship isn’t beneficial to their main goals at all really. They both want to rise the ranks and being In Love with your right hand man isn’t really gonna help with that. Korn’s like one of those edgy guys who says he doesn’t want to get attached to people because it’s Just a Distraction from the Real Goal. And Cathcart’s one of those annoying guys who says he doesn’t want to get attached to people because it’s Just a Distraction from the Real Goal. And then both of them would try to justify it in their own silly ways and eventually have come to terms with it. And its also funny cuz they’re both just The Worst.  What makes me happy about them: they are both so lame and evil and sucks that everything they do will be entertaining to me  What makes me sad about them: I dont think they can even exist in a way that isn’t destructive to each other and everyone else around them. Not really sad since I focus more on the silly aspect but it could be. Not that they wouldn’t deserve it but it sucks that they have to drag the entire world into their evil love affair </3 Things done in fanfic that annoys me: Nothing they are ALL good i think to be a korn&cath liker you have to already Understand so all the fanfictions will naturally be good bc of that Things I look for in fanfic: For it to exist and for it to center around their inane interactions and just how awful they are but in a #love way My wishlist: I wish we got a scene inside the farmhouse. Just to see what theyre up to 🤔I wish we got the Korn chapter too Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: no one comes to mind. dreedle and peckem My happily ever after for them: their happily ever after is probably promotion and continuing to ruin lives but i think they really have to end up in the farmhouse. They cant have a farmhouse and not just retire there when everything goes wrong. its too convenient and its perfect

Girlcart<3<3<3

How I feel about this character: genderswap of cath that i got really attached to for no reason. Cathcart is interesting as a hypothetical female character since he’s trying to be this stereotypical toughguy all the time but he’s also so dumb and evil and awful. girlcart, i wuv her. she’s so important. She’s just woman cathcart but there’s the added interest of how she ended up as a squadron commander as a woman in the 40s, her relation with masculinity/femininity, whether she becomes more sympathetic when her problems are not all self imposed.. and we need more loser evil women everywhere Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: could it ever be anyone but girlkorn My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: to be honest she wouldnt have many friends but i think her interactions with milo would be funny. i like what we made up about Girl Milo being very ‘this is my 10 step beauty routine you should do it too. buy M&M skincare’ and cathcart being like ‘eww... makeup, gross” but also wanting to impress milo because milo is Successful My unpopular opinion about this character: She deserves everything ever shes so special. girlcart hiii. she sucks and she’s lame One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: there’s no canon bc we just make it all up. but i think her established storyline is growing up and not really belonging anywhere that a Lady(TM) would typically in the 20s-30s, always being second best in the rich east coast elite world and being desperate for some recognition. I think she deserved a friend who wasn’t caught up in the whole status thing Favorite friendship for this character: does milo count? danby? anyone? Korn’s her only friend and cathcart can’t stand her. I’ll be her favorite friend My crossover ship: what would she even cross over into?? she’d need a kornguy that’s all i know. 

Saph (OC)

How I feel about this character: Spy character for my main story. She's been around for longer than any character i’ve ever liked ever. I made her in middle school and she was a dragon named Sapphire (hence the Saph) and she’s stayed with me through countless story changes. I dont think because of anythign particularly special about the character but she was my first OC and typical toughgirl undefeatable no-weaknesses character made by a 12-year-old. and i think she retains that in sprit but in practice she’s a total mess. I <3 U saph Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Riya, another oc that i made to be saph’s sidekick also in middle school who i recently decided should #love her. I can’t really see Saph in any romantic situations so they’re either in an awkward purely physical relationship that’s really tragic for Riya or its an equally fail unrequited love situation. Riya’s not very outgoing so she’s kind of stuck with Saph and Saph doesn’t tend to get attached to anyone My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Riya again if you count the weird sexual-platonic thing they’d have going on. but she’s also got her spy team of basically a bunch of frat boys and they like to be Dudes together. I don’t like them tho and a lot of them are basically expendable in the story. rip My unpopular opinion about this character: she could fight 1000 demons and 1000 skeletons & not get scared One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: since her spy team is out trying to kill a politician (other side of the story)  i think it would be funny to write the alternate ending where they team up cartoon-style against a Greater Evil. i think the personalities would mesh well (awfully). I think a lot of her problems couldve been avoided too if the spy team had ditched their stupid orders and just gone on the run (which she and riya do in the end anyways) Favorite friendship for this character: i feel like she’s the sort to always Know A Guy wherever they go. but i dont really have anyone specific yet aside from the main characters and their counterparts. So for now im answering Riya for a third time. My crossover ship: i have nothing to cross over except catch 22. im gonna say wintergreen 

[brightwoods]

Oh me? I’m just thinking about how even the characters who don’t have a problem with Alastair at this point (with the one exception of of Cordelia’s one comment to Thomas that was far tamer than things other characters say about him and that if it was going to be to Thomas couldn’t even be after Thomas threatened to throw him in the Thames right in front of her face at her wedding which was certainly worse) won’t say a word to defend him or even establish to people who do have a problem with him that they don’t

Like we’ve got

1. Cordelia who has never said a word about anything her friends have said about Alastair in front of him when they’ve been blatantly making snarky comments about him in front of her and she won’t even tell them not to say those things around her

She also never actually stood up for him in that one context with Thomas. She just asked if he just remembered that Alastair was her brother and at least she did say well he’s my brother and I love him but she still constantly excuses negative comments about him and never corrects them or says something about their comments in front of Alastair or even to him separately about it

Like it felt very well yeah he sucks but he’s my brother and I love him more than a defence

Also she never even said a simple that’s not the only good thing he’s done when Matthew eavesdropped on her private conversation with Alastair and then showed up with the backhanded comment like wow can you believe I happened to hear the only decent thing Alastair has ever said or done in his entire life when he very easily could have just talked about what he came there for instead of making comments at Alastair’s expense for his audience of only Cordelia who from what he’s seen doesn’t really seem to have a problem with any comments about Alastair in front of her

2. Thomas who used to annoy the hell out of his friends constantly going out of his way to interact with Alastair and ask about his feelings and treat him like a person but no longer did that after the Academy which yes is partly because of how his friends acted every time he mentioned Alastair or spoke to him but also Thomas is out here with feelings for Alastair and staying absolutely silent on the negative comments about him from other people instead of disagreeing or defending him or saying anything about not wanting to hear it

And then even worse, after he found out about the rumour he actively joined in and started talking shit about Alastair publicly whether Alastair was there or not... which yes, he was mad, I get that and it’s not like Alastair didn’t use to talk shit about him in front of other people

But the part that really gets me is that in the Sanctuary, Thomas never says anything to take those things back or to contradict any of the negative shit that’s the general consensus about him. He goes on about how much he wanted to hate Alastair and tried to and about how hot Alastair is and about how Alastair was always his secret and was his favourite part of his trip and he kisses him with no one around but he doesn’t really say anything that’s definitively about Alastair as a person beyond his physical appearance, sexuality, and availability

He basically said hey let’s pretend that no one else exists and Paris was the first time we met and make out so that we don’t have to think about any consequences or anyone outside or this room and then wondered why Alastair went oh your friends hate me, this isn’t possible once they were both free and all the evidence up to that point suggested that Thomas was still years past the point of sticking his neck out for Alastair in front of his friends no matter what his friends said and no matter how much he liked him

(He also did not say anything that we got to see after that about Alastair or to him in front of anyone else beyond trusting him in the fight with him and Christopher but then it was Thomas and other characters talking after with Alastair off on his own when Cordelia got there already again which we don’t have full context for but seems like Thomas went right back into his behaviour from before the sanctuary and before the rumour where he’s not saying things against Alastair and sure he’s tolerating him around other people but he’s also not saying anything in his favour or establishing that he doesn’t actively have a problem with Alastair and think he’s a horrible person anymore (which hopefully will come up with other characters later but at this point we have seen no hints of in what we saw of Thomas around other characters after the Sanctuary scene)

3. James who forgave Alastair and is willing to be civil and kind to him away from his friends and then just doesn’t really speak to or acknowledge him in front of his friends... and in front of other people tells Alastair that he had better treat Cordelia well or he won’t let him in their house or be civil to him anymore as it Alastair hadn’t been treating her well before that point and it was James’ warning that would inspire his behaviour around her

It’s also interesting how there’s silence or that in public but in private he will say that no one judges Alastair for his father’s drinking problem and will talk to him about Thomas and Matthew and giving them time

James seems to think Alastair deserves a chance but also has no intention of letting anyone else catch on that he thinks that even when Alastair tells him how he’s trying to make amends and he doesn’t know how to fix it if no one will let him apologize

Like sure James is over old things and is better than actively complaining about Alastair and being rude to him... but he also lets his friends say whatever they want about Alastair without ever saying a word about it, even when his friends are threatening his wife’s brother in front of her at their wedding

Sure, he has less obligation to speak up for Alastair, but also when he married into the family and then continues to listen to it constantly without even blinking at anything said about him is definitely worse than if he wasn’t married to Cordelia (and also I’m still including him even if he has a lot less obligation to speak up for him because he is still another person that’s like oh sure Alastair’s alright but don’t tell anyone I said that, I’m certainly not going to show that I’m on decent terms with him in front of anyone else)

4. And then obviously there was Charles who would never say anything remotely positive about him in front of anyone else and pretty much doesn’t acknowledge his existence around other people except for that time that he called him pathetic in front of Cordelia which yikes what a way to try to get an ex back, I wonder why it didn’t work...

5. And okay listen I know that Christopher is by no means the main issue at all and that he doesn’t really seem to have a problem with Alastair, but he very much follows along with what the other Merry Thieves think... like sure he won’t say anything against Alastair but he won’t say anything for him either or say anything about the constant comments the others make and it’s very clear in Chain of Iron that he entirely takes his cues for whether they’re tolerating and acknowledging Alastair or not from the other Merry Thieves where it’s like oh we have a problem with Alastair now... oh he got Thomas out and now Thomas is not ac to very threatening him so he must be alright to fight with okay...

Like Christopher doesn’t have an obligation to say anything about the way the others talk about him or anything when he doesn’t really have any ties to Alastair or reason to speak up but he is another character that’s like well I don’t have a problem with him but okay let’s all go along with this group mindset about him that at this point is just Matthew hating him so loudly that everyone goes oh okay we’re supposed to not like him and not stir the pot by saying anything to contradict that (and Thomas hating him just as loudly for a while before Christopher saw oh okay I think Thomas might be over it? which hopefully means Christopher’s going to be more likely to show that he’s willing to talk to Alastair and tolerate being around him during Chain of Thorns which it’s sad to say in this series is a high bar for how people treat Alastair even though that should be a the bar is on the floor moment)

And this post is way longer than I meant for it to get, but my point is that you know that Alastair thinks he still deserves having no one defend him or even show they’re okay enough with him to tolerate him when anyone else is around because at the Academy he didn’t defend anyone else and targeted other people that no one was standing up for just like he’s being targeted so it must be karma that even when he manages to claw his way up to people having a better opinion of him and not actively thinking that he deserves to be hated, those people still stay silent around and about him so that the only things said about him are still negative

And anyway if at least 4 characters don’t have an interaction with Alastair that isn’t negative and that isn’t when they’re alone with him or with just the Carstairs in Chain of Thorns then I am going to scream in rage for the rest of eternity

[fa-by]

Hello babies and dear Anons 👋🏼🤗 I'm back with a new ‘Q&A’ post. Sorry, it took me longer than usual. I'll explain to you at the end of the post. For now, enjoy 🙃

I've already talked about it here, dear Anon, https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648194553804881920/%C9%9F (first question) and then here https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648194746313031680/%C9%9F (fifth question).

And who said I think Camila is a lesbian, dear? 😏 Maybe you mistaken me for some other blog? Because, I've never said that, dear. I've never been asked about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

You must be new to my blog if you're asking me this question, dear Anon. Welcome 🤗 and my answer is no, dear. Neither of them has ever cheated on the other. They're both way too loyal for that shit.

No, dear Anon. And always keep in mind that this is just my opinion and that therefore I could be wrong.

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 First of all, thank you 🥺🥰 Thank you very much for your words, dear, you're super nice and I really appreciated it very much 🤗

As for stuck, we didn't fight or anything like that. I guess we just drifted apart 🤷🏻‍♀‍ even before she entered the Marvel world, but I can't tell you why she never liked and re-blogged my posts, dear 🤷🏻‍♀️

Let's call it my flaw if you want, but I don't like any posts myself (not even my girlfriend's), but that doesn't mean I don't like many posts I see. It's just the way I am 😅 I leave comments every now and then though 😅 And neither does it mean I wouldn't like to interact with you guys if you ever want to contact me or tag me or get me involved in something. It may not seem like it maybe because I don't re-blog and put likes around, but trust me, it's not like that.

Going back to stuck, I really can't tell you why. I mean, I'm not her so I can't answer you. Maybe you should ask her directly, dear. @stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland​

I hope you have a very nice day too, dear Anon. Thank you so much again, and please, be sure to take care of yourself too 😘

Hello to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and don't thank me, dear 🙈 It's really a pleasure for me to interact with you guys and help you in any way I can 😊

So. Yeah, I think what you think, dear. Mila was definitely the one to make the first move, but as far as putting aside pride and the decision to give it another try, it was something they both did because they each had their own reasons. Remember, dear, there are two people in a couple.

Hey dear sneaky little one 👋🏼😄 I'm good. How are you? It's a pleasure, dear, you don't have to thank me for that 😊

I'm not sharing them with you guys yet just because they're personal observations that not everyone can agree on and, as you may have noticed, I like to tell you guys what I think with real facts that I can prove. In this case, it would be like in this picture:

I hope that with this example you understand better what I mean, dear sneaky little one. Come back any time you want and take care of yourself too 🤗😘

Hey dear Anon, why are you so down? 😟 Don't be 🤗 I know it's hard to think positively about them, but think about everything we've endured so far. Think about how strong we are. Whatever's thrown at us, it won't change our minds because we know the truth. Now, come on, dear, smile 😁 Enjoy the small wins instead of having them ruined for you by the possible eventuality of them doing something. And remember, we're in this together 💪🏼

I swear to you that when I saw it, I was like 📢🔊 Your loving takes me higher 🎵 You set my heart on fire🎵 When you touch my body got me singing like Mariah!!!! 🎵🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hello to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄

1) No, dear, you can't force something on someone who agreed to do things like this in the first place. I'll explain better. PRs are accepted by those directly involved, who then sign a contract. It's a commitment they're bound to respect from the moment they have accepted and signed the contract. If they don't respect it, they then have to pay the consequences (if you’re interested, I wrote a post about how PR relationships work here: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648193061847023616/pr-stunt-relationships-%C9%9F). I'll give you a silly example. Think of it as when one day you didn't want to go to school but you had to go anyway. It's pretty much the same dynamic because even if you didn't want to go that day, or several days, you knew you had to and you did. I hope it went well as an example 😆

2) Yes, but which of the two teams, well, that depends, dear. It depends on who's reaching whom and where. It depends on whether they're traveling together or not. And it depends on the purpose of that particular stunt, like if is some particular event or not.

3) No, dear, absolutely not, don't worry 🤣 Everyone has their own room. The rooms are very likely to be close together though, or at least on the same floor, that's for sure.

4) Yes, when possible, of course. The more people see the couple doing everything together, the more believable they seem.

Don't thank me, dear, it's really a pleasure 😊 Have a good day too ❤️

Not necessarily, dear Anon. Mila started work on her third album during the pandemic in her studio, so no one had to pay for her. Besides, when a contract expires and there's a re-sign, it doesn’t necessarily mean that an announcement will be made about it since the record label is still the same. Announcements are made if there's some kind of important addition, such as for example happened with 5H when they had to re-sign as a quartet for legal reasons with Syco/Epic, and it was only announced because of the addition of a contract with Sony Music as the sponsor for their last album.

Having said that: 1) Since her movie has been postponed again, I would say in 2022. 2) I really hope not because they would be really stupid to do it again. Plus, I don't think the PR will last until the released of her album. 3) I have to admit you made me giggle here, but no, dear 😂 don't worry. Producers, composers, songwriters, etc., work with a lot of different artists who have different styles. Mila’s nothing like Chimp, and she can’t do anything boring. It isn't in her blood. No pun intended at all there 😏🤣

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and you got it right, buddy! We think the same way!

They had gotten to a really bad point in their relationship. A point where they were no longer themselves, either in the couple or individually. For me, what happens in the Havana music video is what happened in reality as well. It was obviously told in an artistic and funny way there. Like the scene of Juan literally ‘coming out of the closet for her’ because he thought it was the best thing for their relationship. In that scene, he gets down on his knees to ask her to marry him, but in reality, at least for me, it represents December. It represents the ‘begging’ in a disguised and artistic soap opera way. It represents Lauren's last attempt to make things work between them. Which is related to the “You love me”, “I do love you. But I love me more” scene in which Camila leaves everything behind. And if you think about it, we can also find this connection somewhere else: 🎶 “Nobody talks about walking away when there's still love” 🎶. Always Love by Laur. Luckily, at the end of the video, she really is ‘took back to her Havana’ as it also happened in reality.

It's all connected, dear. There's a connection and an explanation for everything they do artistically. Just pay attention and you'll be able to connect the dots like you did in this case too. Give me a virtual high-five! 🖐🏼 And have a good day too, dear Anon ❤️

Hello to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Thank you very much, dear, and don't worry, I've been never asked that. So. Before answering your questions, let's take a look at the facts, okay? Especially for the baby Camren shippers.

Leilani is Dinah's aunt by marriage. She has always interacted with fans and we saw her in several videos even with Dinah herself, but the first time she showed herself to us as problematic was on July 18, 2016. Leilani tweeted an attack on Taylor Swift and apologized the next day by saying of having been hacked:

Yeah, suuure, because hackers around the world were waiting for nothing but hacking her 🙄 But let's move on. September 8, 2016, was the day Laur cried several times during the concert in Phoenix, Arizona. The next day, on the 9th, before the concert in Irvine, California, Laur tweeted to thank the concerned fans, and Leilani replied to the tweet by exposing L because of the ‘her’:

On December 21st, 2016, she did a live where she talked about Camren after fans asked her about it: https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qvandqF63c1ykfr3q.mp4  (I also put the sub in the video myself)

On January 8, 2017, she posted two Snapchat stories in which she spoke again about Camren with one of her nieces: https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qval74yFz61ykfr3q.mp4 

On January 29, 2017, both Camila and Lauren blocked her on social media:

She continued to strike by attacking Camila months later. On July 13, 2017, the same day the 5H interview with Billboard came out, Leilani attacked her by basically calling her a whore. Tweet to which C replied with suspense dots and a Rihanna GIF:

On December 5, 2017, Camila posted the album cover and title by saying that the pre-order would've been possible from the 7th. Because of the album cover picture, Leilani attacked with the first tweet on December 5th, and continued on the 6th:

Then nothing else problematic.

Yes, of course she knew about Camren. All the people close to them know about Camren. Leilani has always been a person who likes attention. She has always liked to show off and be noisy and messy in doing so. It didn't matter how ridiculous she was or that her actions fell upon her niece. The fact that she seemed to be joking and that she was always so evasive and confusing on the subject, is because she herself knew she was going to pay the consequences. She could never have said “yes, they're real” and stick to it. Also because the one who would've paid the most consequences would've been Dinah. You know, being her aunt, it was like her responsibility. And I think D really paid the consequences for something she didn't do. At least, before the sharks took the reins and told her what to do (Leilani through Dinah). It’s happened to a lot of people close to them to get involved over the years. It has been noticed a lot more from 2015 onwards, but especially in 2017 to increase the story of the fake feud between the girls.

So basically, yeah, she was problematic and loud and messy and all of that, but for the most part, she was just following the script.

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 welcome and thank you very much 🙃 My answer to your question is yes, they've been for a long time by then. You'll find more details on all of that dynamic below in the next ask, dear.

Kinda? 🤣 Okay, let me explain, dear Anon. There was no cheating if this is what you thought with my first answer. But let's go in order. I'll shed some light on the story with Luis once and for all.

Luis Santos' first appearance for us was on January 13, 2013 when Laur posted this picture on IG:

One year later exactly, on January 13, 2014, L posted this picture:

Then we have the one on February 24th (when the girls arrived in Miami because they had three dates in Florida for The Neon Lights Tour) and those of February 25th, 2014 after the concert (posted the day after):

We have the one of April 13, 2014:

The prom ones of May 17, 2014, which were the last pictures with Luis that Laur posted:

And lastly, we have Laur’s birthday one posted by Luis:

The latter lets us understand that their story officially began on January 27, 2014. We don't know when it ended exactly (let's suppose at the beginning of July) because we only had confirmation of it in August thanks to the explanation that Clara gave for that fake scandal:

Now. This is the official story. The one we should’ve bought. But let me show you the behind the scenes. This is Melanie Mueller, Luis's ex:

Luis was in a relationship with Melanie from early August (unfortunately, Luis and Melanie's profiles are all private, but not Melanie's old Twitter) until, according to the narrative, late November 2013:

And this is where the juicy stuff begins. Luis stated that he and Mel were no longer together:

The date coincidentally matches the beginning of his relationship with Lauren on January 27, 2014, right? Right. So how do you explain the fact that Luis and Mel were on a romantic date exactly 13 days after he said they weren't together anymore?

As you can see from the date, it was February, and weren't Lauren and Luis already together since January 27th? 😏 The funny thing is that they kept interacting and taking pictures together:

And then there's the best part. The Camren shippers went wild that year in replacing Luis's face with Camila's twice. The first one with the prom picture 🤣:

And the second one with April picture. Sorry, I really tried but I couldn't find the original manip. But don't worry, I have two better things 😏:

Ohh, I think we know, Mel 😎

And how can we forget one of the many things that remained in the fandom's history and which coincidentally happened just in February a week before the picture of Luis and Melanie's romantic date:

Now that I've given you proofs, it's theory time. We know about the friendship with benefits, the Like Friends Do situation that Camren had, and we know that Lauren was in denial. Luis was a shield. Her shield, especially for the public. It wasn't a PR created by the labels, but by Lauren herself. Laur and Luis were friends, and I mean, they still have been for years. Laur simply asked him for a favor and he accepted. Laur stayed in Miami throughout the Christmas period until the first week of January 2014 before flying to L.A. with the girls. It was then, in that time spent at home that she asked him, and despite knowing the risks, despite knowing he would face fans' hatred, and despite having a girlfriend, Luis agreed to be the fake boyfriend just to help his friend in need. I don't think she told him the real reason behind it right away, but she definitely told him once she and Mila finally got together. Laur came out to her family in early 2015, but it doen't mean she didn't to her friends before. Especially once she and Mila became official in April 2014.

So, dear Anon, yes, in a way, Lauren was with Camila and Luis, but in reality, she was never with Luis.

Hi to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Thank you very much, dear, and that's okay. I don't mind helping when and if I can. It's not a problem at all for me 😊

So, as far as Lolo's situation is concerned, I honestly think Columbia has very little to do with her situation. I mean, Columbia is the biggest record label under Sony Music and has always had a lot of successful artists. From the great names that have made history to the most recent but still famous ones: Michael Jackson, Freddie Mercury, Aretha Franklin, Frank Sinatra, David Bowie, Bob Dylan, Celine Dion, Paul McCartney, Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, Jay Z, Adele, Alicia Keys, Ricky Martin, Pharrell Williams, Robbie Williams, Katy Perry, Shakira, Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent, Diplo, OneRepublic (Ryan Tedder), Miley Cyrus, Harry Styles, Zain Malik, Little Mix, Calvin Harris, BTS, Lil Nas X, Meghan Trainor, etc., etc., etc. Believe me, there are really, but really many names that I haven't put in this list.

The purpose of a record label is to make money. To do that, the label finds an artist. The label decides if it's worthwhile for them to sign the artist by investing and advancing the money on them, and if the label believes they can make money with their music, then they don't think twice before signing them. So they invest in the artist, develop them, promote them through the artist's team, and distributes their music in exchange for a percentage of the revenues. If things go smoothly and well, there's a gain, but if things go wrong, the label loses money. [If you want to know more about how the music world works and what the girls had to go through, I wrote a post about it here: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648192055443619840/how-the-music-world-works]

Now, what did I mean by that? As I said before, Columbia is the number one, the biggest and most important umbrella music label under Sony Music Entertainment. So why on earth would a label as big as Columbia Records have signed Lauren and invested in her, but then thwart her and lose a lot of the money they invested themselves? It wouldn't make any sense because it would be like self sabotaging themselves! And what did I say is the purpose of a record label? To make money. Don't be fooled by anyone about it, dear.

I could have understood if this had been an isolated case; if Laur had been the only one among the girls (LAND) who hadn't released an album. But it's not like that. Something, and I'm 100% convinced it's something from their old contracts, has held all four of them up until now. We'll see, dear Anon. Sooner or later, the truth will come out because it always does. Even if it takes years.

Don't apologize, dear, really 😊 Hope things are great with you too and please, take care of yourself too 🤗

Hey to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄

Nada is a song that is part of Tainy's EP called Neon16 Tape: The Kids That Grew Up on Reggaeton, and it's about how two people in an unofficial relationship want completely different things. The guy doesn't want anything serious unlike the girl.

Now. I understand why you're confused, dear. After reading the lyrics and thinking about Camren, you've surely wondered “Where the fuck is Camila in all of this? But does it have something to do with her, or not?”. Well the answer is no. You see, dear, we're used to hearing a lot more Mila's songs than Laur's. When Mila writes, she writes for herself. She writes from her point of view and according to her experiences. Same thing Laur does. But Mila, unlike Laur, can't write a song for other people. She can't detach herself from them when she's writing them. Take as examples all those songs she gave away after finishing them, like Anyone or Ain't Easy. When you listen to them, you can clearly hear Camila all over it even if the song is being sung by someone else, like in these two examples, Justin Bieber and Elijah Woods. But with Laur? Nah, because Lauren can completely detach herself from them.

Take More Than That as an example. Laur didn't write More Than That for herself; she just ‘decided’ to keep it (because it was okay for the narrative she had going on at the time). If she had really given it to someone else and then you had listened to it and knew she was the one who had written it, you would've thought “Really?” with a wtf expression as the first thing. Right? Because you recognize Laur in the song only because you know she's behind it. Am I wrong? And don't get me wrong, dear, this is not by all means a bad thing at all. I'm not saying this as an insult or anything. Quite the opposite actually. I think it's absolutely amazing. Think about it. It's basically the work of songwriters and ghostwriters who only work behind the scenes for other artists. Gosh, they're both so fucking talented 😍

Anyway. What was I getting at with this? To the fact that the same thing happened here with Nada. Nada was written by four songwriters and we have two different points of view to represent the couple in the story. The one of the girls, Laur and Cris Chil (she also worked and wrote with her for Lento), and the one of the boys, C. Tangana and Tainy (like Cris, he wrote with her and produced Lento). Now. I can't tell you who the real protagonist behind the story of the song is because none of them said it, but it's definitely not Lauren. Laur just went with the flow.

Before starting, I would like to also publicly thank my girl @romanticentropy​ for helping me with the translation (her first language is Spanish), so thank you again, my love 🥰 And I'm not talking about the literal translation. I'm talking about the real meaning behind it since the meaning of many sentences or words can change even based on a simple comma. Therefore, here below you'll find the real translation along with notes placed in parentheses with various explanations. I don't know if you speak Spanish, dear Anon, but we did this for all those people here who don't speak it so that everyone can understand the true meaning of the song.

That said, let's get started.

Verse 1:

“Como te arrimes sí te voy a dar

If you dare come close, I’ll give you [implied: my dick]

Me he puesto guapo pa' verte pasar (Yeah)

I got myself all dressed up to watch you go by (Yeah)

No me pregunte', no quiero pensar

Don't ask me, I don't want to think

No tengo tiempo, no me pue'o casar

I don't have time, I can't get married

Pero, puedo quererte de nuevo

But, I can love you again

Dejar todo el resto pa' luego

[implied because the two sentences go together: And] leave everything else for later

Quedarme pa' ti, que más quieres de mí

To stay for you, what else do you want from me

No odies al jugador odia al juego

Don't hate the player, hate the game

Yo no me he inventado na' (Qué va)

I didn't make anything up (Not at all / Of course not) [‘Qué va’ is an expression, particularly from Spain, that means something like ‘How could you have thought that? Of course not’ said in a casual tone. So, ‘not at all’ is a possible interpretation because he's reassuring he really didn't make anything up]

Sobrevivo en la ciudad (¿Qué?)

I survive in the city (What?)

Me la busco pa' ganar, cien monedas pa' gastar

I'm looking to earn, a hundred dollars to spend [In this sentence, the comma is very important because in ‘me la busco pa' ganar’ read alone, it means that he's finding his ways to earn a living or a better life. When you add ‘cien monedas pa' gastar’, it extends to ‘he's finding his way to earn $100 to spend’, but the comma is important because it keeps alive the idea that he's not only working for the 100 dollars, but also for a better life (possibly a rich kind of life, but that's not necessarily implied)]

Una cama pa' dormir, y un yate pa' vacilar

A bed to sleep in, and a yacht to show off on”

What do we understand from this? That he's actually the one who doesn't want to have a serious relationship because his goal for the moment is to earn and live a good life, not to settle down and get married.

Pre-Chorus:

“Tú ya sabías to' lo que había

You already knew what to expect / You already knew what the situation was

No me hagas cambiar, vida mía

Don't make me change, my darling [He sings ‘vida mía’, which means ‘my life’. Calling someone ‘my life’ is not used in English because it makes no sense in the definition of the language itself. So, in this case, it's translated and used as a loving nickname. As you could call someone ‘my love’, ‘my heart’, ‘my baby’, or ‘my darling’]

Yo te doy hasta que se haga de día

I'll give you until it's daylight

Yo te doy hasta que se haga de día

I'll give you until it's daylight [‘Darle a alguien’, ‘to give to someone’ in Spanish has a sexual connotation. It means you're going to have sex with that person. It’s especially used from a male point of view; particularly this last line, he means he'd have sex with her all night until it's day again]”

He basically tells her: “You knew I'm an asshole. Don't try to change me because it's useless. The only thing I can give you is whole nights of sex”.

Chorus:

Sigue' dándome na', dándome nada

You keep giving me nothing, giving me nothing

Can't keep up with your vibe

'Cause you're up and you're down, 'round and you're 'round, babe

I can not read your mind

Conté lo' día' pa' volverte a ver

I counted the days to see you again

Y tú ni sabe' qué quiere' hacer

And you don't even know what you want to do

Cuando me vaya no voy a volver

When I leave I won’t come back

Sigue' dándome na', dándome nada

You keep giving me nothing, giving me nothing”

This is an ultimatum. “If you keep giving me nothing for much longer, I'll leave you without looking back”.

Verse 2:

“Yo no estoy para regalarte

I'm not here to please you [The literal translation of that is ‘I'm not here to give you’. The incomplete sentence opens an ambiguity where you don't know if she’s saying ‘I'm not here to give you anything’, or ‘I'm not here to give you things’, or ‘I'm not here to fulfill your wishes’, or ‘I'm not here to please you’, or things like that that make you understand that if he's not ready to pay attention to her right now and give her the love she needs, and he's clearly not because he's ‘giving her nothing’, she's not just going to wait there by begging for some love or collecting the crumbs that he leaves behind. She's saying “give me the love and the attention I need or I'll go away on my own”. So overall, ‘I'm not here to please you’ is a decent interpretation]

Ni tampoco para esperarte

Nor to wait for you

Ese dinero no te va a cuidar

That money won’t take care of you

No te pido matrimonio, yo sólo tu arte

I'm not asking you to marry me, just your love [That's the real meaning behind the sentence despite the literal translation being this: I'm not asking you to marry me, just your art]

Cuando no estoy ahí

When I'm not there

Sé que preguntas por mí

I know you ask about me

Sé por qué eres así

I know why you're like this

I know you're afraid of falling in too deep

We can pretend like we’ve only done this for the fun of it

Pero no te sorprendas si te enteras que así como tú hay mil

But don't be surprised to find out there are a thousand just like you around”

Basically: “I'm not asking you to marry me, just to have a real relationship. An exclusive relationship. We can continue to pretend that we just had fun, but I know there's something deeper. I know you're afraid of falling in love with me, but if you keep wanting this kind of relationship, then I'm gonna go find someone who wants the same things as me; also because there are a lot of guys out there and I'm starting to get tired of waiting”.

And that's all, dear Anon. Now that you know the real translation *thanks once again, mi amor 💖* , can you see anything that has to do with Mila? Because I don't. In fact, if I really have to find an association with Camren, the only thing that comes to my mind is that Lauren could have written some parts of her verse from Camila's point of view when they were still just fuckbuddies. You know? Since it was Laur who was initially in denial and was afraid, and not Camila. She was the one who was afraid of the idea of even liking Mila, let alone falling in too deep. But it's not like that. There's nothing of Camila here. There's no Camren here. For me, this song is the story of one of the three (Cris Chil, or C. Tangana, or Tainy) and Laur only contributed to it with her talent.

Of course I can, dear Anon 😉

So. Camila created In the Dark the day after going to the Grammys' after-party (February 12, 2017) with which she went with Ashlee as her date of hers. Mila said she got the idea for the song because of the encounter she had at that party with this unnamed famous guy. Yeah, sure, Jan. We know very well that this is not the case. Just as we know very well that that was the same night in which Tyren had their first public appearance as a fake couple. If you're interested, I've already explained all this also with proofs in my previous post: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/653296412485894144/romanticentropy-fa-by-hiiii-babies-and-dear (last question in my All These Years' interpretation).

If you don't mind, dear Anon, I'll start with the verses because they're the only parts of the song where Mila isn't addressing Lauren directly. In the verses, Camila just observes her by describing their surroundings.

Verse 1:

“Blank stares, faithless

Vampires at the same places

Shadows, traces”

Okay, let's talk about those types of parties for a moment. I bet that when you think about it, you picture a lot of celebrities having fun and dancing, glam, alcohol, drugs, music, and all those kinds of things, right? Well, that's just as true as it isn't. You see, there aren't just celebrities at those parties. There are one or more of they team members, there are A&R representatives of various labels, CEOs, publicists, producers, marketing representatives, radio and television presenters, reporters, designers, advertisers, etc., etc., etc. Those parties are the epicenter of business-talk. Very often, this is where ideas for collaborations, for PRs, for endorsements and sponsorships, for movie and TV appearances, etc., etc., happen. For those celebrities who have to be there for business reasons and not for actually having fun, those parties are pretty boring.

With those sentences, Mila describes all the people around her during that party. Those people who aren't having fun because they're surrounded by what she calls vampires. Before they marketed them by making them sparkle in the sun because of the crystals on their skin, or before they made them wear a gemstone in daylight rings, bracelets, and amulets to make them walk in the sun, you know? Before they become basically trendy, vampires were always the villains. But don't get me wrong with that. I saw the Twilight saga and I love love love The Vampire Diaries, but the fact remains that before all of that franchise, vampires have always been used in horror and scary genres because they're evil. Also because if you think about it, what do vampires do? They suck blood by basically feeding on the life force of creatures by draining them to survive and not decompose since they're undead. They need to take a life to keep living theirs, so yeah, they are the bad guys.

So Mila here describes both the bored people, the ones with blank stares who in those cases are the shadows of their true selves because they're pretending to be who they aren't, and those people of power as bloodsuckers, life-suckers: vampires. And I don't blame her at all because that's what they do. Vampires, or puppet masters, or parasites, or as you guys know I like to call them: sharks.

“I know that you feel me”

Now. Now, now, now, now, now, now. What does this sentence make us understand? Picture you're in a place full of people. Picture pretending that you're having fun because you can't show how much you actually want to be somewhere else. Picture smiling and forcibly laughing at the bullshit someone's saying. It's all about image. Now picture seeing someone you know amidst that sea of people. You and this person are far from each other, and at the moment, you both are busy talking to other people. Even though you turned around to keep having this oh so great conversation with those people, you can feel the person you know. You can feel their presence despite being on opposite sides. You can totally feel that they're still looking at you, and you have confirmation of that the moment you turn towards them again.

Apply all of this on Camren now. We know how they've always attracted each other. We know how they've always searched and checked each other when they were on opposite sides of a room. We know how they've always felt each other. So it's not that hard for me to picture how it went in this case. I understand what Mila means when she says she knows Laur could feel her despite the place and all the people around them. Because it's always been that way between them, and we've actually seen them do it many times.

Verse 2:

“Plus one, guest list

But you don't even know what her name is

Secrets, endless

I know that you feel me”

This is a repetition similar to the first verse. Mila here continues to describe the people around her and those around Laur. People who are there because they're on a list thanks to someone they don't even really know. People who in those events become totally fake because they all have secrets to hide, including the two of them. People who pretend to be friends with each other just for a matter of image without even knowing their real names, their real selves. People who are so used to wearing a mask that they've by now become that mask. And among all the sea of these people, Mila knows that Laur can feel her. Evidently as much as she can feel Laur.

Refrain:

“You’re runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin' (oh)

Making the rounds with all your fake friends”

As I said before, many celebrities wear a mask, this facade for protection. They do it to show themselves as unproblematic and to show themselves almost as perfect in the eyes of others. If you think about it, it's the same thing we see in many celebrities and even in Camren when they have to promote something. Neither of the two of them has problems showing themselves to us in a vulnerable, authentic way, without make-up ‘al natural’. But as soon as they have to promote something, bam! Dresses, nails done, make-up, and hair. It's quite normal on the one hand. I understand that. But the problem, as Mila herself said, is when this fake persona takes over your authentic self.

In this part, Mila explains how she was observing Lauren's behavior. This facade that she was wearing because they were in that kind of environment with those kinds of people and those fake friends (yes, including Tabloid). This mirage that allowed her to run and hide her true self from everyone, even from Camila herself.

“Runnin', runnin' away from it (away)”

Especially in this part, and despite having seen her fake act many times before, Mila lets us understand how Lauren was 'running' and suppressing/hiding her authentic self in front of everyone. [I remember that period. Lauren didn't act like Lauren for a while]

You can strip down without showing skin, now”

Okay, this? This sentence right here, it's magic. It's pure art. “It's okay to show the realistic side of yourself without exposing yourself and also having to show your secrets or what you want to keep to yourself. There's no need to act like a completely different person from who you are”. Camila leaves me more and more speechless with her way of writing and expressing such true and profound concepts.

Pre-Chorus:

“I can see you're scared of your emotions

I can see you're hoping, you're not hopeless

So why can't you show me?

Why can't you show me?

I can see you're looking for distractions

I can see you're tired of the acting

So why can't you show me?”

The pre-chorus explains itself quite well. Mila's saying “I know you. I see what you're doing. I see your fear. I see the way you want a way out. I see how tired you are of this farce. So why are you faking it? Why are you faking it in front of me? Why are you faking it with me? Show me the real Lauren. Not this industry puppet. Show me the Lauren I know”.

Chorus:

“Who are you in the dark? (I, I)

Show me the scary parts (I, I)

Who are you when it's 3AM and you're all alone

And L.A. doesn't feel like home? (I, I, I)

Who are you in the dark?”

Who are you in the dark? = Who are you when no one's watching. Who are you when no one can judge you. Who are you when you're alone and you can really lower that protective barrier you create around you. Show me that. Show me all of you.

Camila mentions 3AM because, as we well know thanks to their other songs, it was the nighttime hours when they were able to spend more time together freely. She also mentions L.A. to make a comparison with Miami since Los Angeles is the second city they spend the most time in due to their careers.

If in the pre-chorus Mila really asks her to show her her true self, here in the chorus she instead asks her a rhetorical question accompanied by the explanations themselves like the specific examples 3AM and L.A. to make/show her point even more. Basically the same explanation as the pre-chorus: “Who are you, because I know, I know you, so why don't you show me?”. And I really love this connection between pre-chorus and chorus.

Bridge:

“Darling, come on and let me in

Darling, all of the strangers are gone, they're gone

I said, darling, come on and let me see”

The difference between the pre-chorus & chorus and this, is the more affectionate way she addresses her. She's asking her in a cute way also thanks to the use of that classic old-school pet name, to open up and show herself. She's telling her that it's okay now that they're alone. And most importantly, she's reassuring her with this:

“Darling, I promise that I won't run”

After hurting each other, after the omissions and the secrets, after the fights, after the non-communication, after that toxicity, in short, after everything they'd been through in those years and the way things had ended between them almost two months prior, this is really serious. She's promising her that she'll stay. That's the first step, or at least what we know was the first step thanks to this song, towards a healthy relationship and towards a real positive change in their relationship.

And by the way, wooohh, this whole transition is amazing!

Outro:

“Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

Who are you in the dark?”

And that's all, dear Anon. I hope you liked my interpretation 🙃

P.S. When Sinu said “Number nine is my shit!” during that live, I felt that. Mama Sinu was right. Even after all this time, this song is still the shit 😎

🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍

Aaand I'm done 👩🏻‍💻 I hope I was helpful in this case too 😄 Thank you all for your asks and as usual, know that I'm available for those who have questions, so feel free to ask 😊

Before I go, I wanted to apologize for this huge delay. In addition to my job, it was due to the fact that I'm in the middle of a relocation. For about two months for 21 years, I always go to a place by the sea for the summer. I'll be there from today and I'll be back in September. Unfortunately there isn't much connection there, but there's a single wi-fi. I don't know if I'll continue to answer the asks all together with a post or individually. I'll see how to organize myself once I'm there. I apologize in advance if I'll take longer than usual to reply, but at least you know that it's because there's not much connection there (and you have to keep in mind that I’ll continue working normally because I’m not on holiday yet). Everything will be back to normal in September.

That being said, always remember to be kind, to others and to yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Don't let our ship sink. Keep shipping them, but please respectfully 🙏🏼 Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗 I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️

[jeonsblackgf-writes]

LIES WITHIN YOUR WORDS || 2 ||

summary: Sierra left, but she didn’t quite leave😂 (you’ll see)

pairing: basically miguel galindo x black!OC

genre: errrr pettiness? fluff, maybe angst

word count:

AN: DO NOT WORRY! I AM CURRENTLY WRITING A FIC WITH FLUFF WITH ANGEL THEN EZ😂

____________________________________________🖊

"I just don't understand why I have to go back there." Sierra huffed, not wanting to move since she was very much pregnant as hell. She didn't want to leave the comfort of her couch but Miguel was more at ease knowing she was with him at all times with her being so close to her due date. He didn't want anything to happen to her, but he understood where his wife was coming from when she said that she didn't want to go back to the clubhouse after what happened to her 4 years ago. The only two people she's kept up with was Letty and Chucky. They've visited her a few times, they came to the wedding, the baby shower, almost everything. They were the only two people she trusted when it came to the Mayans.

"Mi reina, I completely understand why you don't want to go back, but I can assure you that nothing will happen to you because while I conduct business with Bishop, Nestor will be by your side just as he has been all these years. You have nothing to worry about, just trust me." He reassured her. She sighed and nodded her head as he gave her a triumphant smile. "Besides, it'd be nice to see you be petty every once in a while."

"I'm not liable for anything that happens while you're in the Templo. You know how my mouth gets when I get riled up" She grumbled, slowly sitting up from the couch to slip on her slides. Miguel gave her a kiss on the cheek, and let her have her alone time until it was time to work again.  He absolutely knew how much of a hard ass she can get when she gets mad, he's been on the other side of that on several occasions.

Sierra was 100% sure that Miguel was bringing her out of spite because he liked to brag and that's just the type of man he was. He took pride in the fact that he finally found love after Emily since he found out Cristobal wasn't his. He was heartbroken, yeah, but Sierra was there for him when nobody else was, and she was there for him when she told him about the deal that EZ had made with the feds. Of course, she felt like a bad friend, but there was so much betrayal being thrown around inside the Mayans, she didn't care anymore. Now here she is, 4 years later, married and pregnant by the one man that Angel and EZ had hated more than anything.

She had came to peace with herself and what happened to her a long ass time ago. She didn't want to harbour any hate for a man that didn't even deserve her time of the day. She stopped posting on social media because for some reason it had always encouraged him to call her, even while she was engaged to Miguel. She had also known, that Miguel was a completely different breed when it came to loyalty, it was like taking care of her needs was always his first priority and she used to feel so overwhelmed with how much love she had been receiving, but she had gotten used to it.

"It's time to go mi corazon," Miguel announced, walking back into the living room with Nestor behind him. She gave the two men a confused look as she watched Miguel carry a bag. He gave her a smile and handed it to her. She smiled as she looked inside the bag to see that it was filled with all her favourite snacks and drinks since he knew she liked to eat throughout the day. Not wanting to waste any time, she pulled out a bag of hot cheetos and ripped the bag open before popping a handful in her mouth.

Miguel grabbed her free hand and lead her to the car where the driver was waiting. He opened the door for her, placing a hand on her back as she got in. After she got comfortable, he closed the door and walked to the other side before settling himself beside her. Out of instinct, Sierra crossed her legs over her husbands, and scooted closer to him. He smiled and began to rub her thighs as the car started to move, Nestor sitting in the front. Miguel rolled up the partition from his side of the car, and began rubbing her thighs higher and higher, making her look at him suspiciously.

"The same shit your doing now is the reason why I'm pregnant." She grumbled, trying to push his hand away from he only grabbed it and laced it with his other hand as he slowly pulled her panties off with one hand and began to rub her clit slowly in small circles. She sighed and leaned her head back as she tried not to make too much noise because the car definitely wasn't sound proof.

"You know I can never get enough of you querida, no matter how pregnant you are." He mumbled, leaning over to place small kisses on her neck and chest. Sierra sighed in content and leaned back on the seat with her sundress hiked up to her belly, making Miguel smile. Maybe a small quickie wouldn't hurt.

"Miguel just hurry up because you got me horny knowing how sensitive my hormones are." She complained, trying to unbuckle his slack but he slapped her hand away, and held her legs up by the back of her knees.

"Relax honey, it'll be a while before we get there anyway." He stated before eating his wife out like it was her last meal, not giving her a chance to respond properly since she was too busy trying not to moan as she ran her hands through his hair.

Miguel moaned as he felt her drip onto his tongue before pushing her dress up past her. breast so he could have something soft to hold onto. Lately, he had been having sex with her and eating her out more than usual. She tasted sweeter and her pushy was always extremely wet during sex. He let go of her trembling legs, and snuggly placed them on his shoulder so that she would be more comfortable.

He circled his lips around her clit before sucking harshly, receiving a loud moan from her. "Holy fuck! Shit..."

Sierra looked down to her husband over her belly to see him already staring at her with wide eyes as he used both hands to spread her pushy lips as he stiffened his tongue and proceeded tongue fuck her deeper, making her thud down onto the seat and let out another sob as she felt herself coming closer and closer to cumming.

Her mouth fell into a silent scream as she felt her orgasm crash down upon her. Miguel did his best to keep her still as he watched her essence spurt out of her, watching as her legs continued to shake from the huge orgasm. Miguel glanced outside of the moving car for a split second before rushing to pull his slacks down. 

"We'll be there in 5, so lets make this quick mi reina," He mumbled, kissing his wife on the lips before leaning back up to thrust into her. Sierra gasped and grabbed her husbands hand as he quickly plowed into her as he tried to get her to finish as she chased his own climax. Miguel tried his best not to moan loud because he knew Nestor would give him shit so he stuck with deep breaths and small grunts. Sierra bit onto her lip as she watched her husband thrust harshly into her.

"You gonna let them know who you belong to amor?" Miguel asked, moving his hand to rub his wife's clit as she came around him. She sporadically and rapidly nodded her head as she tried to push him away but he grabbed both her hands and placed them above her her as he continued his consistent thrusting, now getting to his orgasm as he gave her one more thrust, spilling himself inside her. (I promise I write better smut than this lol.)

"Miguel, we're here." Nestor called from the front. Miguel could hear the sound of the front seat opening before he and Sierra put their clothes on. She straightened herself out, fixing her hair while Miguel pulled up his slacks and buckled his pants back. 

It had just dawned on her about what she was about to walk into. Sierra sighed, not wanting to see anyone's face again, not after what happened but she knew she really had no choice seeing as she willingly got into the car with her husband. 

Miguel noticed her distress, and comforted his wife, "Hey, if you don't want to come in it's your decision."

Sierra smiled at him and shook her head, "No, I want to. Let's go."

The couple made it out of the car, checking their surrounds before a loud voice caught her attention. Miguel whispered to Nestor about keeping a watch on her, the man nodding his head.

"SIERRA! GIRL HEY!" Letty ran up to the pregnant woman and engulfed her in a huge hug, being mindful of her belly. Miguel smiled at the interaction and stated that he was going inside for his meeting with Bishop, to which Sierra smiled and nodded her head before kissing his lips as a temporary goodbye. 

"You're glowing! Miguel really got you out here living your best life." She complimented, looking at her friend. Sierra laughed and rubbed her belly out of instinct. 

"Girl, he is but don't tell him I said that shit. His ego already big as hell." She joked, earning a laugh from the younger girl in front of her. 

"You wanna head inside?" Letty asked after a small moment of silence. Sierra hesitantly smiled and nodded her head. Letty noticed the hesitance.

"If it makes you feel any better, Angel's been a shit show ever since you left. Adelita was pregnant and he thought it was his but turns out it wasn't. So karma's a bitch I guess." Letty explained as the two of them walked to the doors of the clubhouse. Sierra gave a small hum at the new information. She had always told Angel that Adelita was suspect but he clearly was too deep in her pussy to see that until it was too late. 

"I'm married to a good ass man and we got a kid on the way, I could really care less." She stated, walking past Letty to get inside with Nestor following closely behind since she was burning up. It was like a record scratch from those dramatically funny ass movies and suddenly all eyes were on her while some where on her belly. 

Of course they were doing the same banter just like the time Angel got caught only his little Adelita wasn't here. Such a shame. She turned to Nestor with a smile on her face. 

"Could you get me something to drink?" She asked quietly. Nestor gave her a friendly smile and walked to the bar to ask for some water, returning it back to Sierra as she thanked him and took a big gulp from him. She tried her hardest to ignore the stares but it was getting irritating at this point. 

"Are yall gone keep staring or is somebody gone speak?" She asked loudly, scanning the room, and of course the first one to walk up was Angel. Looking past him, Sierra locked eyes with a girl with shoulder length hair, making her squint her eyes at her before the girl broke contact with her and turned around.

"Who knocked you up?" He asked, pointing to her belly before glancing at Nestor who was standing behind him. She smiled at him.

"Not your hoe ass, that's for sure." She replied, pretending to pick at her nails as if she were bored with the conversation already. 

"Mi reina seriously, did you let Miguel knock you up?" Angel asked, hoping to hear a no, but from the smile on her face he knew it was the opposite. Sad to say, he had thought about coming to see  her all the way up until this point, but she clearly was busy with someone else. 

"I'll tell you this. I married the same man who got his heart broken by the bitch your brother constantly fucked. Crazy how their baby wasn't his but EZ's isn't it?  Kinda pathetic if you ask me, taking Miguel's sloppy seconds...so weird." She spoke, every ounce of venom on her voice. She had time to be petty today.

"Did you come here to insult us? If you did you can fucking lea--"

"How's Adelita? Y'know with you cheating on me with her and all one would've thought that you guys would be a big happy family with her being pregnant. Oh wait, they poor baby isn't even yours. So not only did you cheat, you allowed a hoe to run game on you. Crazy." She chuckled, shaking her head at him. Angel knew he should say something, but how could he when everything she's saying is true. As far as Nestor, the only thing he could really do was try not to laugh, since he was told not to start anything unless he felt like someone was physically trying to attack his boss's wife and unborn child. 

"Seriously Sierra, we get that we fucked you over but chill out." Gilly spoke from the other side of the room. Sierra looked at him and sighed. 

"Gilly, if you knew how much dirt I had on you and every person in this room you would shut the fuck up and keep stuffing your fat ass face." Sierra ranted. Where the fuck is Miguel?

"Uhm excuse me but who are you? Angel why are you letting her walk all over you?" One of Vickey's girls asked, standing up to get beside Angel. 

"You do know I can put a price on your head and get you knocked off right? Matter fact lemme just..." She trailed off, pulling out her phone to text Miguel but Nestor grabbed the phone from her hand before she could. One phone call and the entire building will be burned to the damn ground with everyone in it. 

"He just saved your life. Next time you wanna try somebody, try a bitch that ain't me." She hissed, standing up just in time to see her husband walking out of the templo with Bishop, who could clearly feel the tension in the room. Miguel smiled and walked over to his wife as she welcomed him with a hug. 

"She wasn't too much trouble was she?" Miguel asked Nestor, who handed her back her phone. 

"Other than the fact that she just tried to get one of Vickey's girls dead, no, she's been an angel as always." Nestor laughed, stepping back from the two of them.

"Why the fuck did you marry her into this shit? You're too dangerous for her." Angel fussed, scowling at Miguel who turned around with an amused look on his face.

"Angel seriously shut the fuck up. You just don't like the fact that I'm married to the one man everybody in this bitch is afraid of because if he's too dangerous for me then you were as well and yet I STAYED with you and you see where that got me. It took you five years to propose to me while it took him one and a half, and we got married 6 moths later. Like my momma always said, a man knows when he ready to settle down, and you weren't ready and that's okay, but don't try to talk about what the fuck I got going on when you clearly got homegirl in the back over there scared to even say shit with her weak ass but I'm not surprised, you always had to fuck weak bitches because you could never handle a real ass bitch like me. Have a nice life dickface." She ranted, grabbing her husband's hand who was shocked at the confrontation. Any other time Miguel would be the first to speak on something like that but hearing his wife do it for him just made his heart swell with pride. 

"You handled that better than I would have baby, I'm proud of you." He told her as the two of them got into the car. Sierra smiled and leaned into her husbands side as he pulled her closer and kissed her head. 

"Okay now take me home and give me bath." She demanded, causing the other man to throw his head back in laughter.

[turtle-steverogers]

she is very long so. enjoy😌

- Steve n Bucky going to the bodega down the street from their apartment. it’s open till like 4am and they go at all hours. sometimes they’ll go separately but they always go together when they go in between 12-4 am and no one who works there questions why

- they get a cat that they treat her like their child. it’s Alpine ofc😌 steve loves her so much but he knows it’s Bucky’s Cat and he’s fine with it

- you know how some siblings or partners or friends can communicate with their eyes and basically have telepathy? they totally have that and it annoys the shit out of every single person they meetjdksndks. someone will be talking to them and they will just make eye contact with each other bc it reminded them of an earlier convo they had or they both got annoyed by the other person or it reminds them of an inside joke or something and it just irritates EVERYONE. no one is able to intercept it and it’s just a thing that no matter what - even though they don’t mean to - you’ll feel a little left out when you’re with steveandbucky. it just comes with the gig. i like to imagine that depending on if it’s an au or not, its either really obvious or not. like in an au then yes it’s obvious they can have non verbal conversations, but if it’s not an au then it’s not entirely obvious bc they’re enhanced humans and they know how to hide their secret conversations. but everyone they talk to is essentially an enhanced human or has special abilities so it’s obvious to them and they catch them in the act LOL. if they’re interacting with regular people then it’s not very obvious though

- DATE NIGHT!!! yes they’re old yes they have date night. when they go out it’s usually to places in their neighborhood, but a lot of the time they like to stay in bc. they’re old men <3 steve is better at cooking and bucky is better at baking bc you can get creative with cooking and steve likes that more. he enjoys baking a lot too but he thinks bucky’s stuff tastes better. whenever they stay home though there’s ALWAYS a movie. always. they alternate choosing but there is always a movie to watch. bucky usually falls asleep nearing the end and steve plays with his hair😌 he rolls his eyes cause it happens every time but he actually likes when it happens bc he can braid strands of hair together

- pet names oh my god. so many pet names. every single one. mainly from bucky. steve uses them but maybe like two. he favors sweetie and buck and that’s it really. sometimes he uses hon. bucky though oh my god. every single pet name under the sun. so many variations of doll you wouldn’t believe - baby doll ofc, dolly, stevie doll. sweetheart. sweetness. blondie. pretty boy. hot stuff. stevie. baby. hon. honey. sunshine. angel. it’s just so many. and it’s like very sickening insane twisted etc but hot at the same time. most people are like jeez barnes do you ever shut up… but most of these people secretly think it’s a little hot theyre thinking damn where is that affection for me…. i need me a bucky barnes :| steve is the only smitten kitten outwardly even if he huffs and puffs sometimes but it’s obvious he enjoys it. like they are so annoyingjdkssn for real they aren’t a pda couple really but the petnames….. so many. so so so many it’s sickeningly sweet but bucky dgaf! steve is his sweetheart his dolly his baby his angel so he’s going to call him these things!

- steve knows his body is what is considered “perfect” but he still is insecure about it around most people and bucky knows this so when steve lounges at home in bucky’s boxer briefs and his own tee shirt or he kicks off his pants when he’s too hot at night in bed bucky is reminded of just how much steve loves him and feels comfortable around him which is something he always strives for - to make steve comfortable. not baby him because steve bitches at anyone that does that to him but to make him feel comfortable

- and on the subject of feeling comfortable i imagine that they always check in with one another but it’s very subconscious they hardly realize they do it. like steve will bitch at bucky to pick up his shoes from their doorway or to clean his hair from the shower drain but the next second he will ask him if his back still hurts from being kicked by sam and from where steve AND alpine scratched him (in very different ways)

- steve is the sweater husband and bucky is the sweatshirt husband. they trade off a lot but that’s just how their closets look

- steve takes a liking to crop tops 😌 but ONLY around the house bc again he’s really truly only comfortable around bucky. he wears em with boxer briefs or sweatpants but you can guarantee that the briefs and sweats usually just end up on the floor 9 out of 10 times

- hair ties everywhere. they can be found on the floor in the laundry in their bed in the couch on top of the fridge on their fire escape. they are literally everywhere. steve just picks them up and puts them in the bathroom but they always make their way back. he doesn’t say anything to bucky until he finds alpine chewing one and she ends up smacking herself in the face with the hairtie

- their fridge is always full with leftovers and food from sam or clint’s or whoever’s house or takeout. they always eat it all but they get and make a lot of food so the fridge is always full

- subconsciously bucky always has a hand on the back of steve’s neck. like it’s not ENTIRELY a possessive thing but he used to do it a lot when steve was small because it was easy and it was comfortable. for him and just for him and steve. it was like swinging an arm around steve’s shoulders or putting a hand on his shoulder. it was just natural and easy so he did it. a part of him back then prewar did it possessively too, but he always tampered that down bc steve wasn’t his. now he does it without shame

- steve really likes tofu and vegan meat, non dairy milk like almond and soy, and overall a lot of non dairy vegan foods, and a lot of fruits. he gets made fun of for a lot specifically about the vegan stuff but his reasoning is that there’s so much food accessible for people with allergies in the future that he wished existed a hundred years ago so he’s going to try it and stick with it if he likes it. people shut up after that

- he also tips a little more than he needs to everywhere he goes. everywhere. like it’s cool when steve rogers walks in to a restaurant bc he’s a superhero or whatever but its REALLY cool because he leaves a generous tip and that’s what really makes peoples day

- before they get legally married they are still very much married. like “i packed you lunch, meet me at the restaurant instead of me going to pick you up bc it’ll take longer, i got takeout let’s bitch together while we watch shitty reality tv, let’s bitch at EACH OTHER through the phone in public, let’s send each other ugly pictures of each other or funny texts while we’re right next to each other, i’m out with a group and you’re not there and i say multiple times ‘i miss steve/bucky’, let’s yell at each other from opposite ends of the apartment instead of getting up to see each other, steve i’m going to fuck you on the couch bc our room is too far, etc.” they are just very much married without the documents and legalities and it’s very obvious

okay all of these were ABSOLUTELY wonderful and im really going to restrain my urge to respond to each and every one but that might be futile

-okay YES they definitely go to that bodega at all hours, and usually it's for normal things when they go separately: milk, cereal, toilet paper. but when they go in the middle of the night, they almost always purchase some like odd assortment of candies and deli meat. also, they're always in their pajamas. like bucky's in plaid pj pants and a star wars sweatshirt, and steve is in like 5" shorts and a huge crewneck and they're both in slides and they definitely only speak russian to each other when they're in there after hours

-yes alpine! they also have a dog, that is more steve than bucky's!! his name is norman in my headcanon (and a couple of my fics) and he is best boy

-okay i need more of this in my general stucky life: steve and bucky being like,,, best friends as well as lovers and being so seamlessly close. like yeah, they definitely talk with their eyes, or just one glance, or half-sentences ("hey, did you ever get to--" "yup, on the way home. it was so--" "yeah, good. glad to hear") and they know exactly what the other is saying.

-yes to the date nights!!! and when they stay in to watch movies, they make Tons of popcorn. and they Have to make separate batches, because steve will Only eat his with like half a bottle of that powdered white cheddar on his

-YES we share the same fucking headcanon for petnames on god

Steve: love you, buck:)

Bucky: love you, pumpkin

-Steve definitely has body dysmorphia, probably even post serum (I have lots of thoughts on this, that might be a different post) and yeah, Bucky definitely knows its Big that he feels comfortable enough to be exposed around him (and he's even more honored that steve lets him be intimate with him, because that's really hard for steve, too)

-yeah! and easy check ins like "ur stomach still bothering you from last night?" "oh, no it was just a little bug turns out" or like "my head hurts:(" "i have meds in my bag. you want?" "yeah, just two" or like subtly checking on injuries, yeah

-yeah the sweater versus sweatshirt tracks tbh i picture steve in a lot of crewnecks so yeah

-STEVE IN CROP TOPS STEVE IN CROP TOPS and i raise you they're often ones he's cropped himself and he's also painted on! or bleach painted!! and theyre so cool and bucky never wants to make a big deal out of it, but he's so proud of steve for expressing himself like that

-ALPINE SMACKING HERSELF ALKFJALSDKFJA also steve always has a hairtie on HIS wrist in case bucky forgets one for himself

-they also always have Steve Staple Foods cuz i headcanon steve as a picky eater (adhd!steve + serum enhancements, it's down to a formula) so they have a lot of Kraft mac and cheese and easy heat up meals and lunch meats around for when he's having bad food days

-OMG and steve absolutely MELTS i raise you, too, bucky will especially hold the back of his neck when he needs to get steve to Chill Out. so like if he sees him stressing he'll put his hand on the back of his neck and squeeze and literally feel the tension drain from him or like if steve is having a panic attack, he'll hold the back of his neck while they breathe together

-yes and also any time that steve is Choosing food for himself and feeling motivated to eat it, it's a win, so people learn to back off there, too

-yes! he tips generously, but never awkwardly or offensively. he's also super kind and patient to food service workers!

-this last point is so perfect i cant. like yeah, back to steve and bucky just being,,,, the best of friends. ugly selfies galore, shoving their feet in each other's face, flicking each others ears. and yes, all the fucking gossiping. on the phone gossip, venting, fun gossip from around work. they talk about it all. and it's so great for them

thank you again for stopping by! your thoughts are impeccable!

[script-nef]

Interview Time | Oikawa Tooru

Category: fluff

2k words; an eventful interview with Oikawa and his girlfriend

Today we are joined by the phenomenal setter of Club Athletico San Juan, Oikawa Tooru, and the manager of the team, [Name] [Surname]. They are the iconic couple who have brought laughter and joy to many matches by their interactions. 

“Hello, [Name] here!”

“Hi, I’m Oikawa! And [Name]-chan, is that a reference to Zuko?”

“It most certainly is. It’s good to see you finally recognise some of my pop culture references now. I was wondering when you’d finally get a hobby outside of volleyball.”

“I have one!”

“Searching for alien conspiracy theories is not a hobby. Tooru, you’re weird as hell.”

“But you still love me.”

“Unfortunately.”

“Hey!”

You guys are so cute and lively together! Today’s interview will be focused on your relationship, but feel free to reject some of the questions if you’re uncomfortable. Is that okay?

“Sure!”

Q. How did you two meet?

“Oh, I was working for San Juan as one of the managers when he was brought in. Since I’m fluent in Japanese, the head coach asked me to help him around because his Spanish and English was atrocious.”

“Eck, [Name]-chan! I wasn’t that bad!”

“You were terrible, who are you trying to kid? Literally no one could understand half the things you were saying. I was basically your translator for the first year.”

“[Name]-chan!! You’re breaking my heart!”

“As long as your body works for volleyball I don— Okay, okay, I was kidding! Don’t pout, Tooru. You learnt it quick enough and now you don’t have any problems! Besides, it’s thanks to your previously horrible language skills that we got to spend more much time together, right?

“I guess that’s true… Was I really that bad though?”

“Absolutely horrible. Everyone can back me up on this.”

Q. What is one quality about each other that you admire and love the most?

“Tenacity, I guess. In volleyball and everything else. He stays behind all the damn time for hours, none of his teammates can keep up. I once had to conk him on the head and drag him out so he would rest.”

“It hurt! You’re stronger than Iwa-chan sometimes, I don’t even understand how that’s possible.”

“You think I’m stronger than the arm-wrestling champion Iwa-chan?”

“Yes. Anyway, what I love most about [Name] is her perceptivity. Did you know that I once had a small kink in my leg muscle which was uncomfortable and she caught it in a second? No one else noticed except her! And this was before we started dating!”

“Yeah, well. I did spend the most time with you and you constantly tell me things about yourself. Even when I didn’t ask.”

“[Name]-chan is so shy. It’s okay, I know you loved me since the moment you laid your eyes on me.”

“Eh…”

“Hey!”

“I didn’t fall in love with you at first sight, I don’t believe in that. You slowly grew on me because you incessantly hit on me.”

“That’s the best kind of hitting!”

“...hm. Do you, um, like any other sort of hitting—”

“[Name]-chan, we’re on camera! Stop that!”

I’m sorry, please keep this PG, there are young fans who might be watching. Moving on!

Q. What was your first date like?

“First date, huh? It was like, ages ago…”

“It was 6 years ago, in August. We went to the Tango festival in Buenos Aires. I had such a fun time with you then!”

“You had fun stepping all over my feet. It’s honestly appalling how much you sucked at dancing back then. You were bad at a lot of things, huh.”

“She complained about it all night, but even then she was so cute and brilliant. She led me for the second half, stating that she had enough of her feet getting trampled on.”

“Thankfully you picked it up fast. You’re pretty fast at learning new skills.”

“Aww, is the ever-so stoic [Name]-chan praising me? How rare!”

“Well, if you don’t want me to, then…”

“Wait, no don’t stop! I was kidding, praise me more!” 

“Ah, don’t latch onto me, this is on cam— Tooru!”

Now, now, please calm down. Straight onto the next question!

Q. Do you have any memorable dates or events?

“Oh, there was this one time.”

“I already said sorry for that!”

“That doesn’t mean it never happened! My jaw still hurts when I think about it!”

“I said sorry every single time!”

“Still! Okay, the story is that I wanted to surprise him when he came back home but it went horribly. The first part, at least. “He didn’t know I was coming over because I wanted it to be a surprise, which in hindsight was a bad idea. I made dinner and turned the lights off when I heard the door unlocking. In my head, it was like ‘pop and and surprise him’, but when I did, he got spooked and hit me in the jaw.”

“It was reflex! [Name]-chan, you popped out screaming ‘surprise’ right in front of me!”

“Yeah, but still. That’s how I now know he has a great right hook. Nearly knocked me out. But his crying and screaming stopped me from falling unconscious.”

“I thought I really did knock you out!”

“Yeah, but you kept on screaming even after I said it was okay. You’ve probably heard of it too, there were news articles about how he came into the emergency room crying his eyes out.”

“I really am sorry about it, [Name]-chan…”

“Hey now, no need to be sad. It’s just a funny memory to tell everyone now.” 

At least you can laugh about it now.

Q. 6 years is a long time. You must have a lot of anniversaries. What do you do for them?

“Nothing special, we just get presents for each other and spend the day together. I used to just tell him what I wanted but he can figure out what I want now.”

“That shows what an amazing and observant boyf—I mean fiancé I am! Have you ever been disappointed with anything I gave you?”

“Well, no, not yet.”

“See? And you get me all the things I want and need. We’re a perfect couple.”

“We sometimes go on trips to neighbouring countries, visit some tourist spots. I bought him a camera for the anniversary last year, and now he takes tons of photos everywhere we go. There’s a huge stack of polaroids in our bedroom.”

“[Name]-chan, don’t ignore me! Aren’t we a perfect couple?”

“I think we’re the best we can be. Perfection doesn’t exist, but we can strive to be the best we can be, right Tooru?”

“Yup! You’re so wise when it comes to things like this.”

Q. What do you do in your spare time?

“We recently started watching TV shows like Umbrella Academy and Doctor Who. Tooru likes them because of all the aliens and superpowers.”

“They’re all so creative! Like the Weeping Angel, that makes me freak out whenever I see a statue now. Some of them give me nightmares.”

“Weeping Angels are messed up. Wait, why do you watch it if it gives you nightmares? You need to take care of your mental state as well, national representative!”

“But you hug me when I sleep if I have night terrors! I would sit through a hundred horror movies if it means you would hug me.”

“…”

“Are you… blushing?”

“No.”

“Aw, [Name]-chan, you’re blushing! I love you so much!”

“Tooru, stop! I’m going to fa—”

*Technical difficulties please hold*

Q. You recently announced your engagement, congratulations! How was the proposal, if you don’t mind me asking?

“I took her to her favourite restaurant! It’s this fancy place in a building near the training centre and she loves the pizza there.”

“It is delicious. He can’t see how good it is, this uncultured child.”

“It’s not my type! I like other pizzas, just not that one. Her face absolutely glows with happiness when she takes a bite but I can’t understand it. They have those really salty fish—”

“Anchovy. And I usually don’t like it either, but they make it taste amazing!”

“No, it still tastes like clumps of salt. Thankfully I like other dishes on the menu. We go there so often that the owner has a special spot reserved for us. It’s by a window and since the restaurant is in a tall building, it looks over the lights of the city. It’s very beautiful.”

“He was looking skittish than usual, so I was worried for him. I actually thought he wanted to break up with me. But instead, he showed me the ring and asked me to marry him.”

“Why would I ever break up with you?”

“Couples split apart! It’s what happens to a lot of them, I have never heard of someone who lived forever with only one person.”

“Tobio-chan did!”

“Are we considering volleyball as a person now?”

“[Name]-chan, we went to their wedding!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m just kidding! He was pretty cute, all twitchy and red. His wife was even cuter though, so shy and embarrassed. Very beautiful as well.”

“You’re going to be even more radiant at our wedding. I can see you in your dress already.”

“Wow, you must be able to see into the future, since I haven’t even looked at the catalogue.”

“It’s a figure of speech!”

Now, now, please calm down! Onto the next question.

Q. You guys had been dating for quite a while before getting engaged. When did you realise you wanted to spend the rest of your life with each other?

“Oh, you never actually told me this.”

“It was actually when I was away for a game! [Name]-chan couldn’t come because she had to work back in Argentina, so I was all alone in a foreign country.”

“Literally everyone else on the team came to the game, you weren’t alone.”

“But none of them were you! Let me be romantic and tell my love story!”

“Alright, alright, no more interruptions. Proceed.”

“Thank you. It was the first day there. I finished the practice for the day and did our daily night call, because we always talk before falling asleep. I dozed off to her talking, so I thought she would be there when I woke up. But when I opened my eyes in the morning, and she wasn’t there, this wave of panic came over me until I realised I was overseas. “That moment was probably it. I thought there, lying on the bed, that I would never be happy unless I wake up next to her every morning and see her sleeping face. Unless I could start off my day by kissing her and holding her in my arms.”

“…That— that’s what you thought when you woke up?”

“Yeah? And I thought that every morning since the— wait, are you blushing?”

“No, shut up and go away, Tooru.”

“AWWWW [NAME]-CHAN IS BLUSHING AND TRYING TO HIDE FROM ME!! YOU’RE SO CUTE AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I WANT TO SQUISH YOUR WIDDLE FACE AND CUDDLE YOU FOREVER MY AMAZING AND PRECIOUS WIFE!”

“Ack, Tooru, I’m going to fall agai—”

*Another technical difficulty, please hold*

Well, I think this has been a very cute and informative session. Quite eventful as well.

“If by eventful, you mean him trying to hug me so tight my ribs break and I get concussions from falling all the time, then yes, eventful.”

“Sorry, [Name]-chan, you were just too cute!”

“Not another word, volleyboy.”

Well, I’m sure your fans will be thrilled to see how cute the two of you are!

“His fans do seem to like knowing little stupid stories we have.”

“They’re our memories and I wouldn’t ever trade them for anything else.”

“…Me neither.”

“Aw, you’re so affectionate today, [Name]-chan. Maybe we should come again next time so I can see you blushing even more!”

We are completely on board with tha— 

“Okay, this is the end of our interview and I hope it was fun for the viewers! Bye-bye now!”

“Ah, she’s escaping! Wait for me, [Name]-chan! Thanks for watching! Bye!”

[kenobiapologist]

Star Wars Novel Rankings

In celebration of the end of this year, I made a tier list of all of the Star Wars novels I’ve read since I joined this fandom in 2017 (which you can use to rank these books too). And I named all the tiers in a dorky but appropriate fashion. I would love to hear your thoughts on my rankings, as well as how you’d rank the books yourself! I’ve had a blast reading Star Wars novels from both Disney’s canon and the Legends extended universe over these past 3 years. Here’s to many more years of reading stories from the galaxy far far away! 

I put longer (but not more coherent) thoughts below the cut.

The Chosen One: Bringing Balance to the Force and My Depressed Soul

1. The first spot of top tier had to go to Matthew Stover’s Revenge of the Sith novelization for obvious reasons. You simply cannot beat it. It’s a masterpiece. I literally had to put the book down to scream when I read the prose associated with the opening battle over Coruscant. It gave a whole new meaning to the triumphant music and the synchronous twirling of Obi-Wan and Anakin’s starfighters as they weave through blaster-fire in the battle over Coruscant. The rest of the book is the same way. You can’t put it down. I have wAyyYyYy too many feelings about this book oh my god.

2. Thrawn was a surprising book for me. For being centered on an admiral of the Empire’s navy, it had so much heart in it! I loved reading from Eli Vanto’s perspective too. god dammit I love that freaking Wild Space hillbilly dweeb with all my heart. I think his experiences getting to know Thrawn and learning from him guides the reader to feel much the same way as Eli by the end. Thrawn is a trusted friend, not the enemy you expect him to be. I could have done without Arihnda Pryce but she’s supposed to be unlikeable so I won’t blame Timothy Zahn this time.

3. The Clone Wars Gambit duology is basically Karen Miller writing fanfic and I’m HERE FOR IT. As is tradition with Karen Miller’s Star Wars novels, the emotions are dialed up the eleven. Our favorite dumbass Jedi team is back at it again with a mission to save the galaxy and this time they end up going undercover as two lumberjacks from the boonies. Anakin holds an energy shield back from collapsing with his bare hands like a total badass. Obi-Wan is in love with another woman despite it always ending in tragedy, while also bickering like a married couple with Anakin every ten seconds. get a fucking room, you two. These two books inspired one of my fics so they’re near and dear to my heart.

Jedi Master: These Books Have A Seat On The Council Too

4. Wild Space was appropriately named, I’ll tell you that. It’s a wild ride from start to finish. *slaps the front cover* this book can fit so much of Obi-Wan’s suffering in it! @forcearama has elaborated on the many reasons why this book is a gem in Snark Wars blog posts (linked here). It’s also the beginning of the best team-up since Anakin and Obi-Wan...Bail and Obi-Wan! These two bastards get under each other’s skin but it makes for the perfect character development. This book is the reason I screech with delight whenever Bail Organa appears on screen, or is mentioned in conversation. Bail gets a mysterious tip about trouble on a planet, and Obi-Wan decides to go with him to investigate. Cue Sith-induced suffering. It’s cool to see a normal person experiencing the weirdness of Force sensitives and how the world has this extra level of sensory information in it. Plotwise this one isn’t the best, but I think the interactions between characters really shine in this novel. Karen Miller’s writing is like a cup of hot chocolate to me. Indulgent character insight, full of sweet moments, has a bunch of extra marshmallowy dialogue, you’re reading it to have a good time but not to be satisfied with plot. You get me?

5. Do I even have to explain myself here? Kenobi by John Jackson Miller is both an interesting western-style tale set on Tatooine, and a beautiful character study of a man stricken with grief he keeps suppressed. How does one continue on when their whole family was murdered and their whole culture burnt to ash? I wanted to give Obi-Wan a hug the entire time I read this. The characterization was spot-on, from the way he wrangled animals to the way he severed a man’s arm off in a bar with his lightsaber. And when he meets a woman named Annileen Calwell, or Annie for short, Obi-Wan can’t bring himself to call her by her nickname ever and if that doesn’t just break your damn heart fucking fuck.

6. Ahsoka was the first Disney canon book I ever read and it kickstarted my love for E.K. Johnston. The writing is simplistic, but that makes it easy to jump into. Overall, it’s a quick and enjoyable read. By far the best parts are the flashbacks that mull over memories Ahsoka has of the time before Order 66. That shit hits you right in the heart, man. And the part where Ahsoka equates Obi-Wan and Anakin to her adoptive family ohhhhhhh god the tears they flow like a river. There are scenes that allude to Ahsoka becoming the vital part of the Rebellion we know her to be from Rebels, balanced with her current struggles to survive and find herself. Despite having cast away her identity as a Jedi and having any remaining bits of her culture destroyed by Palpatine, Ahsoka shows us all how bright a hero can shine in the darkest of times. AND SHE WAS WRITTEN AS QUEER! finally some good fucking food.

7. Oh shit, another E.K. Johnston book? Don’t be surprised. She’s a prequel fan and so am I, hence why Queen’s Shadow is so high on the list. E.K. Johnston pays homage to our favorite queen and badass senator Padme Amidala. There’s politics, there’s solidarity between female characters, and Bail Organa is in it so you KNOW I simply must give it a high rating. All jokes aside, I thought the story added lots of little details to the world of Star Wars without it being all stereotypical sci-fi nerdy language. You know how people want to describe something beyond our technological capabilities so they throw a bunch of nonsense together like “pre-praxis crystal bio-anode circuitry”? I’m looking at you, Karen Miller, I love you but please. There is none of that in this book. It makes sense, it adds color and culture and life to the worlds of Star Wars. Most of all, it devotes time and love to developing Padme outside of her place in canon as Anakin’s wife, Queen of Naboo, and Senator. She is all of these things, but she’s human too. I do agree that the pacing is slow, but it’s something meant to be savored, I think. E.K. Johnston really shines when she’s writing dialogue because she gets these characters. That’s something to appreciate, because not all canon books agree with the way we’ve perceived the characters as an audience.

8. Rogue Planet chewed me up, spit me out, and declared me an even bigger stan for The Team. People who say Qui-Gon would have been a better master for Anakin can ~get out~ because I could read about these two hooligans getting neck deep in space shenanigans all damn day. Anakin is like twelve, which is a time in his training that we don’t get a lot of in canon. Personally, I think it was equal parts heartwarming and funny to read about their adventures. There is some angst sprinkled in there because hey, we’re reading about Anakin here, let’s not forget the emotional trainwreck that is Anakin Skywalker. The duo is sent to a planet that makes super fast ships that are ?sentient? or at least biologically active. They bond with the pilot, which makes Anakin perfect for this mission. There’s a scene where these little floof things attach all over tiny Anakin because he’s so strong in the Force and it’s god damn adorable how dare he?? I’d probably rate this one even higher if I read it again, but it’s been awhile. Characterization is spot on and reminiscent of Matthew Stover’s writing in how it highlights the strong bond between Obi-Wan and Anakin, how they’re fated to know each other. I’m a sucker for soulmates, what can I say? 

9. Lost Stars reads like a movie. Not a script, but just the perfect amount of detail that you can imagine the scenes but the pacing is still quick, the dialogue smooth and natural. I couldn’t help wishing this was a film because the story was so all-encompassing. The highs and lows of the emotions of both protagonists, their relationship developing, the differences in culture. Folks, this book has it all! It’s a totally different perspective on the events of the original trilogy, seen from the side of Imperial cadets training to become pilots. Eventually, one splits off and joins the Rebellion while the other perseveres in the Empire. It’s like star-crossed lovers, but covers so much more ground than that. And the characters are fully developed. These original characters knocked my socks off, and that’s hard to do since I’m usually an Obi-Wan stan through and through. For anyone uncertain of reading Star Wars novels, this book is a great place to start. Action-packed, emotion-filled, and stands on its own despite weaving perfectly into the established universe. What more could you want?

10. Back at it again with the prequel shit, amiright? Queen’s Peril is E.K. Johnston’s most recent Padme-centric novel and it does not disappoint fans that wanted a taste of the Queen’s side of the story. Set during the events of The Phantom Menace, we get a “behind the curtain” look at how all of the handmaidens came to be more than their title suggests. There’s teenage girls getting stuff done! It makes more sense why Padme was elected ruler of her home-world, and you come to appreciate that a royal leader is not alone; there’s actually a whole team at her side to help her overcome everything from the drudgery of daily governing to Trade Federation blockades that threaten to starve her people. I think if you enjoyed Queen’s Shadow, you’ll enjoy this book a lot. For those that are unfamiliar with Johnston’s work, I wouldn’t recommend this one first because it does cover events you’ve already seen in movies and therefore is a less suspenseful companion to them. On the other hand, because it does tie in with TPM, it doesn’t suffer from the pacing issues of Queen’s Shadow to the same degree. I read this all in one sitting, so it’s definitely fun, but wasn’t compelling enough in its character development to elevate the book past some of the others I’ve listed already.

11. Thrawn: Treason was a refreshing return to the Grand Admiral we all know and love after the second installment in this series slowed things down a bit. Although it wasn’t as character-driven as the first book (which I love with all of my heart), there were still many moments that had me cackling at the disparity between Thrawn’s immense intellect and the other Imperials’ sheer stupidity, and that’s what we’re here for in a book about the Empire, right? There’s a lot of pressure on Thrawn, as his TIE Defender project has been pitted against Director Krennic’s Project Stardust. Who will get the funds? We just don’t know?? Tarkin sits in between the two and as usual, manipulates everything to his advantage. Palpatine questions Thrawn’s allegiance to the Empire after some of the choices he has made, leaving him in even more of a pickle. Thrawn is sent on a wild goose chase task that should definitely end in failure (on purpose because Imperials all want to watch each other burn as much as they want to watch the Rebellion burn), but you know Thrawn will find a way. My main squeeze Eli Vanto makes his return after being absent from book 2. Missed you, my sweet sweet country boy. He doesn’t have a leading role in this novel, but every scene he’s in makes the story better. Thrawn says “perhaps” way too often for my taste, but if you can ignore that, this book is a solid read. Equal parts action and deductive reasoning, as any Thrawn book should be.

12. Most of Dark Disciple had me thinking this was going to be a top tier book, and damn do I wish we could have gotten this animated. We follow Quinlan Vos and Asajj Ventress on a mission to assassinate Count Dooku. Why the Jedi thought this was a good idea, I don’t know. But I’m here for it all the same. 3/4 of the adventure were intriguing, but the ending didn’t do it for me. I won’t spoil things for anyone who hasn’t read this yet, but after all of the character development, to have it squandered so quickly just left me disappointed? I got really attached to everyone in this novel, and I’m sure you will to. I’ve read this and listened to it as an audiobook, and actually I think it’s more memorable as an audiobook. Would recommend, except for Mace Windu’s voice being exceptionally southern for no reason. Weird. I think this novel captures all of the great things about The Clone Wars show; time to really get to know each character and their motivations, action and adventure with the darkness of impending doom tinting everything, and lightsaber fights! Plus, Obi-Wan and Anakin make appearances in this book and it just adds that extra bit of spice. Worth the read, even if you know they aren’t going to get Dooku in the end (which I am still mad about, screw that guy).

Jedi Knight: Passed the Trials but There’s Room for Improvement

13. Few books in the Star Wars universe are centered around characters with no use of the Force, but in Most Wanted, we see a young Han Solo and Qi’ra struggling to survive on Corellia and it provides a humorous but compelling backstory to both characters in the Disney canon. Han is his usual lucky goofball self, and Qi’ra is smart and cunning. You can see how they grew into the versions of themselves in Solo. While the book stays on the lighter side of things (typical of stories written for a younger audience), there are still moments of depth on droid rights, viewing the Force as a religion, and what life is like in a crime syndicate. Addressing these heavier topics without it killing the pace of the story is hard to do, but Rae Carson pulls it off flawlessly. I went into this book with no expectations and was pleasantly surprised by how much fun I had. Han and Qi’ra start off as competitors, but eventually have to learn to work together to survive as more and more people start hunting them down. They’re honestly so cute together, I loved their dynamic. It makes Solo a better movie, and although I liked it on its own, characters like Qi’ra needed a little more time to get to know, which you can get here!

14. Thrawn Alliances was not what I expected at all, and it took me a lot longer to get through. Hell, it has Thrawn, Anakin/Vader, and Padme in it! What’s not to love? Apparently, a lot. The different timepoints and perspectives in this were more jarring than anything else. Although the interactions between Thrawn and Anakin/Vader were enjoyable, it was not enough to elevate this book into the Jedi Master tier. Things felt dry, the characters didn’t grip me like in the first Thrawn, and it all felt like a ploy to introduce Batuu into canon before the launch of Galaxy’s Edge.

15. Leia: Princess of Alderaan was a dive into young Leia’s life before we see her in A New Hope even though this was marketed as a journey to The Last Jedi book, which I disagree with. We really haven’t seen any content about Leia in this time period before, and although I can’t say I was looking for this, I did enjoy it. The book was a little long, but there was adventure and the seeds are planted for Leia to be a bigger part of the Rebellion. The romance wasn’t too memorable, but Holdo wasn’t pointless in this (a stark contrast to her brief appearance in TLJ just to sacrifice herself). There’s a hint about Leia being Force-sensitive but it’s not in-your-face. It’s a typical coming-of-age story but in the gffa. The best part about this is seeing Bail and Breha as parents. I’m forever in pain that we didn’t get to see more of this in movies because it’s so so sweet. Leia must choose what kind of person she is going to be--and what kind of princess she will become. It won’t be for everyone, but I liked it.

16. Master and Apprentice was a typical Star Wars novel, which means it’s full of original characters that are strange and outlandish to serve the plot, a new world full of beautiful landscapes, and Obi-Wan suffering. I want to make it clear that this book is 80% Qui-Gon, 10% Rael Averross, and 10% Obi-Wan. I was expecting it to be 50% Qui-Gon, 50% Obi-Wan, as the cover suggested. Although I was disappointed by that, the story overall was okay. Qui-Gon is kind of an asshole in this? When is he not, though. We really get to sink our teeth into the way he and Obi-Wan fundamentally disagree with each other, so much so that their teacher-student relationship is falling apart. Tragic! They go on one last mission before calling it quits. Qui-Gon is in over his head with prophecies, Obi-Wan just wants to follow the rules, and Rael Averross is Dooku’s previous apprentice that is living his best life as a regent until Pijal’s princess comes of age. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a solid book. I just don’t vibe with Qui-Gon and want to whack him upside the head every time he avoids confrontation with his own student. My protectiveness for Obi-Wan is showing again, isn’t it? Yikes.

17. James Luceno is one of the most analytical authors I’ve ever read anything from, but it seems to always work? Tarkin is all about...well, Moff Tarkin. He’s ruthless, intelligent, and just downright evil. His backstory was compelling and I found myself drawn into the story by the details, although it is dense and took awhile to finish. I’m not interested in him as a character, but despite that, I enjoyed this story. The plot wasn’t memorable enough for me to recall after 3 years, but it’s similar to how Thrawn rose through the ranks of the Navy, just in a different part of the Empire’s governing body. We don’t get many books completely focused on a villain (I don’t count Vader ones because we know who he was before and the whole damn saga is about him), but this one is good! Don’t be fooled by it only being in the Knight tier. I think people who read a lot of sci-fi will like this book a lot. This is like the opposite of Queen’s Shadow, basically. If you had gripes about that book, you might like this one instead.

18. Battlefront II: Inferno Squad was a worthwhile read for anyone who played Battlefront II. Iden Versio is a great protagonist in the game, and I think Christie Golden totally gets her character. She’s nuanced and relatable. The whole team is interesting and getting introduced to each member before the events of the game makes everything mean more. That’s the real goal of any prequel story, I think. Accomplished! The action scenes are on point, the plot served to highlight what makes Inferno Squad special, and you get a sense for the morally grey area anyone must function in as an operative for the Empire. Although not necessary for the greater canon, it’s a great adventure. Iden and her squad members infiltrate the remains of Saw Gerrara’s group (they’ve become a bit of extremist) and destroy them from the inside. It’s got the suspense of a spy thriller and all of the nerdy space opera elements you expect from Star Wars. Although it’s weird to jump into a story not knowing any of the characters, you’ll get attached to Inferno Squad fast. Well, except for Gideon Hask maybe. He’s kind of a dick.

19. If you’re craving some Dark Side action, Lords of the Sith will give you what you’re looking for. Sidious and Vader crash-land on Ryloth and have to work together to survive, and also defeat the Free Ryloth Movement led by Cham Syndulla. It’s all fucking connected, guys. I love when people weave together stories that fit into the canon timeline like this, bringing in side characters and allowing them to develop some depth. And a chance to sink into the mind of a Sith Lord is always fun, if you’re in the mood to read about destruction and anger. It’s cathartic sometimes. If you’re always wondering, why didn’t Vader just stab Palps when he had the chance, this book explains their dynamic more. It didn’t really change my opinion of any of the characters, which is why it’s not higher on the list.

20. Catalyst suffered from being in a really boring part of galactic history. Despite that, Galen Erso and Orson Krennic have a hilarious relationship that I would have loved to see on-screen. This book really develops Krennic to become more than just the whiny entitled evil man we saw in Rogue One. He’s ten times worse now! But I mean that in the best way, I laugh whenever he’s in a scene, that sassy man just brings me joy. James Luceno is at it again, making things as detailed and dry as possible. I read so many of his stories right at the beginning of my journey through Star Wars canon and it’s a wonder I didn’t quit. Some of them are dark as fuck. And also slow as hell. With this one, I think it all comes down to what you want out of a Star Wars novel. Some people will really enjoy the plot. I think seeing how Galen became a part of Project Stardust was interesting and every time something about the Death Star became more clear, I screeched because I knew what it would eventually become. This book may not hold your interest though, which is why I put it lower on this list.

21. Star Wars: Clone Wars was a decent retelling of the Clone Wars movie. I liked it because I liked the movie, but you have to be able to sit back and enjoy the ride, not thinking too much about the silly parts. For that reason, it’s pretty far down in the rankings. Ahsoka is young and liable to get on your nerves. I certainly wasn’t her biggest fan at this point in the series. The biggest problem is that Karen Traviss is very anti-Jedi. Some authors for Star Wars tend to do this? To me, it’s weird. I didn’t notice it too much because it was one of the first Star Wars books I read, but it contrasts starkly with the truth of the prequel trilogy and some of the other entries in the Clone Wars Novel timeline, like Karen Miller’s books. Needless to say, although this book wasn’t super memorable aside from the familiar plot, it kept me reading Star Wars books, and so it is at least an average book. Plus, any content with Anakin and the clones is worth it for me. I love them.

22. A New Hope was good, for Alan Dean Foster. I’m not a fan, I’ll be honest. But this novelization stands on it’s own. I’m going to have to do a re-read to really go in depth on why this isn’t farther up on the tier list, but the movie is always going to be better to me. If you want to re-live the great beginning of the Original Trilogy, it’s worth your time. I mean, the story is full of adventure and mystery and lovable characters. What’s not to love? I just feel like the movie really elevates the narrative with a great score and fun character design/costumes/sets.

Padawan: These Books Have Much to Learn

23. Attack of the Clones was more entertaining than The Phantom Menace because the characters are in funnier situations. Obi-Wan and Anakin chasing Zam Wesell through the levels of Coruscant? Hilarious, just like the movie. Anakin and Padme falling in love as they spend time together? Holy fuck it’s so much better than the movie. Please read it for that alone. Outside of that, the writing style didn’t really impress me. And my experience with it wasn’t super memorable. There was potential to really make the inner dialogue of these characters impactful, to really develop the story of Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padme beyond what we could get from the movie scenes alone. I didn’t think it went above and beyond there. Not a bad story at all, but you don’t get to look at Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, or Ewan McGregor the whole time either, so therefore I must rank it lower. So many beautiful people in that movie, holy shit. You can understand my, dilemma, yes?

24. I enjoyed parts of The Phantom Menace book, like deleted scenes with Anakin living on Tatooine before Qui-Gon and Padme meet him. The additional depth is lovely, but I think a story like Queen’s Peril adds more to TPM than this book does. The story overall is still fun. I love this movie so much, it’s hard for me to be critical. I did put a lot of post-it flags in my copy, so it does develop the characters and get you thinking beyond your expectations from the movie. What more could you ask for from a movie novelization? I’d say not much, if I hadn’t read Revenge of the Sith and had my fucking mind blown. In comparison to that, this one is just okay.

25. The Last Jedi novelization wasn’t bad, necessarily. It tried its best to bring this story up to par with some of the interesting novels that don’t have movie counterparts. But still, the plot suffers because of how this movie was made. It’s very focused on Rey and Kylo, and Finn’s little adventure with Rose seems pointless in the grand scheme of things. I’d rather read this again versus watching the film, but that’s all I’ll say on this because I’m trying to keep my opinions on this movie to myself to avoid digging up old arguments. Jason Fry did well, and of the two Sequel Trilogy books I’ve read, I would recommend this one over Ep. 7.

26. The Force Awakens falls short and I think it’s because of Alan Dean Foster’s writing style on this one? It didn’t really expand on anything from the movie, while taking away the beautiful music and visuals. This novel is the antithesis of Revenge of the Sith’s novelization, and for that reason I ranked it fairly low. I wouldn’t read this one unless you really really love the Sequel Trilogy.

27. To be fair, I read the new Thrawn book before I went back and read this one. Even so, Heir to the Empire didn’t impress me at all. Thrawn didn’t seem like a thrilling villain with lots of depth like he did in Timothy Zahn’s reimagined Thrawn novel. We barely saw him. A lot of time was spent on the Original Triology’s trio, which waasn’t bad. I thought Luke, Leia, and Han were all written fairly well. The latter part of the story was redeemed by the interactions between Mara Jade and Luke, for sure. Enemies to lovers, anyone?? Without Thrawn, this book would have been an entertaining story, but for all of the praise it has received from long-time Star Wars fans, I was expecting to be blown away and I wasn’t. Maybe I have to continue the triology to figure out what all of the fuss is about, but after this one, I’m not super motivated to read more. Change my mind?

28. Cloak of Deception really shines when you’re following Palpatine’s perspective because you can feel the undercurrents of his master plan to destroy the Republic underneath his calm persona as a Senator. Other than that, it’s a forgettable plot. This is all about galactic politics and some terrorist group trying to blow up some government officials. Basically the most boring parts of the prequel trilogy. I listened to the audiobook of this at the beginning of this year and I already forget what it’s about. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan should have been able to bring some humor and energy to get you rooting for the good guys,  but there was barely any of that. I was disappointed in all of the characters. Everything felt distant, removed from the heart of the characters. Some people in reviews have argued that the events of The Phantom Menace really pinned this novel in a corner because you already know what happens, but I disagree, because we know how Revenge of the Sith goes and The Clone Wars show is that much more tragic and heartbreakingly beautiful because of it. Prequels can be done right. This ain’t it, Luceno. Sorry.

29. Star Wars: The Old Republic, Fatal Alliance needs to go home and rethink it’s life. I’m a huge fan of the Old Republic and I’ve put like 200 hours of my life into playing that game, so I was hoping for some fun content in this part of the timeline. Sadly, this book captured the worst parts of the game, like the fact that there’s way too many factions at war with each other. Jedi, Sith, Empire, Republic, Mandalorians. They’re all here. They’re all ready to throw down. And I’m tired. As with many of the books in this lower tier, I felt there wasn’t enough description of the world or the people in the story. We’re in the gffa, be a little weird and wacky. Be big and bold! Make things terrifying, or beautiful, or both. But give my mind something to work with. The number of characters made the plot messier than it could have been, and it definitely isn’t worth the read. I can’t speak for all Old Republic books, but this one didn’t impress me.

A Sith Lord?! On My Bookshelf? It’s More Likely Than You’d Think

30. So underwhelming, you might as well just read the first half and then stop. Last Shot is absolutely terrible, except for Lando Calrissian’s characterization, which was spot-on. If the whole story had been from his perspective, I probably would have a much difference opinion on the novel as a whole. Sadly, this is not the case. Han was boring, he bottled up his emotions, and seemed drastically different from the badass he was in the original trilogy. There are different timepoints in this novel, and in all of them, Han is unrecognizable. Don’t nerf one of your main characters like that. Daniel Jose Older and I might just not get along. I thought his writing style didn’t fit Star Wars at all. It was like breaking the fourth wall, totally pulling me out of the story constantly. Also, there were little to no descriptions of body language, locations, or movement. It left me feeling disoriented the whole time I was reading. I thought one of the most interesting things would have been seeing Han, Leia, and baby Ben being a family at this point in time, but Han’s family was there as a prop, nothing more. There was a big bad item that was going to cause galactic destruction and our heroes had to go save the day. There was barely any tension and no one lost an arm so I’m pretty pissed off. Is it Star Wars if no one gets their appendage removed? I can’t tell you how much I disliked this book. Which is sad because I was hoping to enjoy it. I like Han. I like Lando. I like space adventures. I’m not that hard to please, or at least I don’t think so.

[themanip]

alternate routes

SYNOPSIS — how do you go throughout life? well, you find someone you like. get to know them. start dating. break up a few times, get back together. get married. have some kids. die old. typical. fucking in a back room of an awards show, not once, but twice as complete strangers, was definitely not how most relationships start out.

PAIRING — taehyung x metzi (oc) WARNINGS — descriptions of cheating, fliphones, mentions of getting laid, really bad intros tbh, the introvert line being introverts, and girls who are rlly bad at timing, an asshole named ryan, cursing WORD COUNT — just over 3.1k AUTHOR’S NOTE — hi! i am so fucking bad at writing the first chapter or two, i promise if you can bear the beginning of this story, it gets better. i have two and a half chapters written so far but i am writing super often! once a few more chapters get published i will create a masterlist. please enjoy and if you have any comments or recs don’t hesitate to let me know!! :)))

𝟏: 𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐄 

𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖 ⇥ The universe known to man is a labyrinth—an irregular maze, a passage that cannot be routed—and to understand that took more than an average mind. The matter was far too complicated than any obsolete man to comprehend on a whim. Millenia passed before galaxies were formed, planets were created, all unbeknownst to the stars bursting just miles apart.

From early amphibians, to the ice age, to cavemen, evolution has made great strides in every species. Humans in the past were variants called homosapiens, and most likely came from chimpanzees. Great strides like this were something to be proud of, you'd think.

When Metzi Ludovic realized that birds can fly with natural evolution, while humans had to industrialize it (thanks to the Wright brothers) she was pretty distraught. As an imaginative and critical eight-year old, fifteen years later, not much had changed. Currently, she was pondering over the fact that humans are one of the few species with opposable thumbs.

Majority of animals had not yet evolutionized to create opposable thumbs. While frantic over this, she also imagined her beautiful Pomeranian, with thumbs popping out of his paws. Her thoughts were quickly subdued, thanks to her coherent thoughts making an appearance. As cool as it would be, all other animals would devour humans if they gained that ability.

Is that the only reason humans are all mighty? They can industrialize and aim properly due to their adaptations, so that they somehow became top of the food chain?

Thankfully, she was redacted from her thoughts as her manager, Emmy, let out a distressed sigh. "Wren, we cannot change your outfit again. You look beautiful," At this point, looking at Wren, she knew that she would look good. Somehow, she couldn't convince herself.

"Wren, we can switch. I don't hate green, so you can take blue if you want it. I really don't mind," Metzi smiled softly, and she knew it was the right thing to offer as Wren's face lit up, a few tears being wiped away. "Really? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, just do me a favor and loosen the ties on that, please. I have had way too many tacos yesterday to fit into it with the strings that tight," a small laugh left her mouth, and as she laid on the comfortable sofa. It was plush, but somehow offered no lumbar support. Who the hell makes a couch so soft, yet so unbearable for convenience of naps?

Selfish, she thought.

This dressing room was beautiful, so you'd think they'd have enough funds to make a decent couch. She could enjoy the aesthetics of the room, anyways. A luxurious baby pink covered the walls, and was bordered by pristine white. Plush gray carpet was under her feet, and was stain free. With Malorie in here, that probably wouldn't last long.

She was over by the double mirrors, applying powder over her face. She was so beautiful, Metzi couldn't fathom why she insisted on so much makeup. The same could be said about herself, so she kept her somewhat inner misogynistic comments at bay. She was pretty quiet, but something was off. She wasn't usually this quiet, so Metzi shot her a text.

She was very personal, and barely talked about what bothered her. Occasionally, Metzi would get her to open up, which she could physically see the relief on her face as she broke down. A brief, but to the point was written out on Metzi's phone.

you don't seem okay. wanna talk about it? Read 2:33 PM

The three dots popped up, and Metzi's attention was quickly brought to Vida, who sat down next to her, letting out a sigh. "How much longer until Olive gets here? I'm so close to taking a nap," Vida quickly put her hair into a makeshift ponytail, and leaned back, closing her eyes.

"It's only two, so I imagine not for a good hour or so, a nap sounds kind of nice," Wren commented, stood in the other corner of the room, with Emmy helped her undo the straps of her outfit. Her green silk top complimented her skin perfectly, but Metzi knew it was too late to convince her.

"Well, I'm out, wake me up when she gets here," Vida quickly blurts, and her head is now comfortably laying on the arm of the sofa. "I'll get up, I have to go to the bathroom anyways," Metzi commented, sighing before getting up.

Silence followed, and the blonde decided to take a look at her phone. A text was sent back on Malorie's behalf, and she widened her eyes momentarily. Standing still, she turned back to look at her. A face of guilt was evident, and she tried her best to hold her breath.

i have something to tell you, i'm not supposed to. i just feel so bad knowing while you don't i really shouldn't have said anything forget it

meet me in the bathroom

Read 2:37PM

Metzi's mind was in a whirlwind, and she couldn't think of anything she'd be referring to. Of course, it was useless, because clearly she wasn't meant to know about it. She hurried out of the room, the last thing she heard was Wren complaining once more about her outfit.

The hallways were empty, mostly because they'd came so early, and Metzi took her time reaching the bathroom. It was communal, so she really hoped that nobody else was here yet. The awards were meant to start in a few hours, and considering they had three faces to paint with makeup, early was a necessity.

"I hope you won't be mad at me," A small, timid voice aired behind her. The blonde turned around, and clutched her phone in fear. "I'm not, please tell me what's going on,"

As Malorie opened her phone, Metzi tapped her foot anxiously.

God, she really had to piss.

The brunette looked up at her, and showed her a photo.

"What is that?"

"That, was Ryan. On Saturday."

Ryan was her boyfriend of six years. An anxious cramping formed in her stomach at the mixture of his name and the tone of Malorie's voice. The photo she was now staring at made her want to vomit. Her stomach was now doing somersaults.

In the photo, it was indeed Ryan, in Metzi's own bed, with a mop of curly red hair under him. Most was covered by the sheets, but it was enough to come to the correct conclusion. He was clearly enjoying it too, judging by his face. Upon further inspection, she noticed something odd.

Grabbing the phone out of Malorie's hand, she zoomed in. On her nightstand, where a picture of the two usually sat, was now face down. While he fucked another woman in her bed, he turned her face down.

Tears pricked at her eyes, and she took a deep breath in.

What happened Saturday? She was home mostly all day, so when did he have time to do this?

"What—how did you get this?"

"I came to give you your present, and I heard something. Y'know since you gave me keys? I figured it was okay to come in, and your bedroom door was open. I knew Ryan would try to make me the liar, so I took a picture. He told me that if I told you," Malorie pursed her lips, "well he threatened to do something pretty fucked up."

"Holy fuck," Metzi whispered, "I just—I had no fucking clue. This entire time, and who knows how long he's been fucking her?"

One lonesome tear fell down her cheek. In anger or sadness, Malorie didn't know.

Opening her phone, she opened Ryan's contact. "Hey," Malorie whispered, her voice now soft. "If he tells you anything about me, promise you won't believe him?"

"Of course, you come first. Always."

She debated on whether or not to call him, but instead opted on a text.

I hope you enjoyed fucking merida, we're done. get your things out of my house by tomorrow. delete my number.

She wiped the tears from her eyes, and a smile adorned her face. Her bladder problems now the least of her concerns, she started back for the dressing room. Emmy now sat at the vanity, on her phone, and Vida and Wren were basically cuddling.

Surprised at the sudden intrustion, all eyes landed on the pair standing in the doorway.

"Ryan cheated on me, so now we're all single." Metzi gave nobody the chance to respond, as if anyone could think of what to say, and took a deep breath in.

"I haven't been fucked in months, and now I know why. So, I'm gonna get laid tonight, feel free to join me."

All seven of them had their faces beat to perfection, their outfits tailored and steamed of any wrinkles. They looked absolutely impeccable, as if the world around them kissed their feet. Hell, some reporters actually acted like that.

The members of BTS were now known worldwide, and it seemed that they were sought after by nearly everyone. Each member was so unique—so captivating in every aspect. Personalities somehow intertwine perfectly, yet polar opposites sometimes.

Proud but humble men, they basked in the warmth of positive attention. All eyes were on them for now, and they proudly understood it. As they walked on the red carpet of the music event, Yoongi and Jungkook both hated what they would be forced to do in mere minutes. As self-declared introverts, social interactions were about to start, and they honestly would rather sit in the corner and get this over with.

They would meet a few smaller artists, an occasional household name, (which they would fawn over for the rest of the night) and then be on their way. It would probably be in a few news articles, and some artists would insist on pictures, and they would be spread around within minutes. It was the same routine, and almost every time they would speak as little as possible, save for Namjoon, and would discuss it later. Hollywood was English dominated, and they despised it.

"Right now we only have to meet one group, and then we're okay for a few hours," Namjoon spoke quietly and quickly, and they piled off of the red carpet into a building. The hallways were scary, dark and empty, but a light above them quickly lit up.

To their surprise, the hallway was beautiful. The walls were an navy blue, white accents on top and bottom. Numerous gold paintings and records lined the walls, and it seemed to go on forever.

"Who is it we're supposed to be meeting? This hallway is a bit sketchy," Jimin perked up, and Namjoon chuckled. "WB,"

"Who is that?"

"I can't remember what their name stands for, but they sing that one song," Namjoon goes on to hum the tune to a familiar song that got pretty big, and all of the members start singing along. Of course, the lyrics are completely off and the tune is absolutely horrid, but they all recognize it vaguely.  

All numbly following Namjoon, he was taking rough instructions from their manager to get there. This was not how it usually happened, but he had said something urgent came up. He had told Namjoon how to get there, and he knew that they were smart enough to make it without breaking a couple ligaments.

"Group? I thought it was one singer," Jin commented, and Taehyung nodded in agreement. "I would have never thought it was more than one. Are they American?"

"I guess we're going to find out," he snickered, and they all stopped at the corner. The door was slightly creaked open, and soft laughter could be heard. It was feminine, soft. It sounded like pure happiness was inside that door.

To double check, Namjoon eyed the sign on the door.

A large, black WB was written so even the partially blind could read. It was odd, the only dressing room out of probably at least a hundred, was all the way back, alone. They had no time to question it before Jin took a few strides forward, and boasted his English abilites.

"Come on-uh, guys."

The rest of them burst into laughter, and Namjoon quickly followed suit, knowing Jin would not be the prime candidate for introductions. He would simply utter a few English words, turn to Namjoon for help, and in panic, make a really bad play on words in Korean.

Timidly, Namjoon's knuckles rapped on the already-open door, accidentally pushing it further open a bit. "Come in!"

They were met with three girls stuffing their faces with chocolate cake, and another laying on the floor, fiddling with a.. flip-phone?

Jin grimaced at the reminder, glad it wasn't pink.

All eyes awkwardly met at the realization, and two of the three muffling down cake choked a bit. "Emmy, I thought you said 5:30?" Malorie was the one to ask, but none of the boys knew that.

"It is 5:30,"

The cake was swallowed within seconds, the flip-phone was now laying on the table, untouched. Four girls scrambled up simultaneously, and watched as the rest of the men piled in. An awkward stout of silence followed, and this so called Emmy, rose and met the boys first.

She had a firm grip, and introduced herself as their manager. The situation was humorous to say the least, these girls who could pass off as teenagers, were standing in single file in shame. The first was a beautiful girl with a large afro, and she kept a tight smile. She did not know who they were, nor did she really care. She introduced herself as Wren.

Next, was a taller woman, who seemed a hint older, with large winged eyeliner. She was Vida. Jin's first instinct was that she reminded him of him, she was definitely the oldest. Then, a smaller girl with a thick smile and soft curls was next. Soft hands, gentle grip. Her name was Malorie.

The last, was a young woman with blonde hair. Realistically, she didn't have any defining features besides her hair, she was the average American-looking girl. She introduced herself as Metzi, and to their surprise, bowed.

"It's really nice to meet you guys," Emmy let out a soft chuckle, and Namjoon nodded tightly. "Are you performing tonight?" It was Malorie who had asked, a soft question. "Yes, actually,"

"I heard you are as well," Namjoon replied, hoping to end the small talk quickly. "Yes we are! I'm surprised you've heard of us, I mean we're not huge."

She wasn't lying, but they definitely weren't small, either. Sixth biggest girlgroup of all time by album sales just behind TLC. Thirtieth on the most followed Spotify artist. Their debut album was certified Gold in six countries. Humble was the key to success, though.

"I'm not sure how big they are in the States, but aren't they pretty well known in Korea?" Yoongi spoke, but of course he wasn't talking to the girls, he was talking to his bandmates. He also spoke in Korean, which is why he nearly had a heart attack when a very feminine voice responded in Korean as well.

"We're big in Korea? I knew we were pretty well known in Japan, but I never really knew about that," It was the blonde one, Metzi. All seven members were in shock, the way she spoke it so effortlessly. If she didn't look the way she did, she could pass off as Native Korean by language alone.

"I know South Korea is very conservative and insistent upon how they operate things, and we're probably the farthest thing from it. I just was under the impression that we didn't fit the mold to do well there," Metzi continued talking, and Wren, Vida and Malorie had absolutely no clue what was going on or being discussed.

Had this been in Spanish, all the girls could have participated. Metzi just insisted on learning Korean, though.

They didn't seem too bothered, though, instead more humored.

"She's been waiting to use that one, huh?" Vida whispered, laughing lightly. "You're not wrong, Korea is known to be very conservative, however, that doesn't mean you have to fit stereotypes to break Korea or any other Asian country for that matter," Namjoon spoke in English this time, and finally the other three girls got a whiff of the conversation.

"We are the farthest thing from ideal boy-groups in America, and we broke it for the most part. Obviously a lot of it is due to our fan base, but point still stands." Seokjin broke in, the conversation now half Korean, half English.

"Good to know," Metzi said softly, a grin on her face.

"How did you learn Korean?" Taehyung spoke up in curiousity, and crinkled his eyes. "I started learning a few years ago before we kind of blew up, and when we visited Korea a few times, I just picked it up a bit. Still a lot I don't know, but I can speak pretty fluently now."

Taehyung nodded in understanding, silently applauding her ability to simply pick up on a language. He doesn't think he will ever gain fluency in English, no matter how hard he'd try. It was a lot harder than he imagined it to be.

"I'm gonna be honest, from media portrayals you guys are made out to be asshats, but you seem pretty down to Earth. Nice to know the fame doesn't get to your head, you know?"

Now it was Wren speaking, and a few snickers sounded from Jungkook and Jimin's mouth. "Asshat," Jimin repeated softly, and they broke into more laughter.

"We appreciate that, thank you. Ignore them," Hoseok spoke this time, a large smile adorning his face. "We will watch your performance tonight, and cheer you on."

"Ditto," Metzi responded in English this time, and Hobi's eyes crinkled in confusion. "Same to you," she clarified in Korean, and he nodded.

They said their goodbyes, and Metzi told all the girls to bow. Namjoon and Vida had a brief talk, and it was no time before BTS and WB were now separate, discussing the events that had just taken place.

The talk of the night was the mysterious blonde girl who spoke fluent Korean. 

taglist: @princessoftheroad​ <3

[saladejin]

Admire | 04

Seokjin x Fem!Reader | arranged marriage!au, husband!Seokjin | Strangers to lovers, angst, self discovery, loneliness in luxury, touch starvation (eventual smut), eventual domestic fluff

Summary: You’d never needed anyone else. Growing up alone, living alone, existing alone. It all came naturally and effortlessly, quite like breathing. That was until your somewhat distant parents finally decided it was time to make good on a promise. One they’d made before you were even born.

Warnings: Brief mentions of semi-absent parents

Word Count: 2k

A/N:  Hey there, this is just a short chapter I decided to post as a bridge to the next part of the story-line. Hope you enjoy :)

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“I know that you’re living a different life now (Y/n), but you still can’t skip out on the annual summer road trip,” your mother’s voice chided. You held the phone away from your ear slightly to avoid bursting your own eardrums.

“But - am I just meant to go on my own and leave the house? The road trips aren’t exactly meant for…”

You trailed off with a weird strangled noise in your throat, knowing that saying ‘people like him’ would only sound bad. Seokjin looked up at the changing tone of your voice, eyeing you with an intense curiosity. There was no way he didn’t pick up that it was him you were referring to.

You had been sitting together at the dining table, feasting on an old-style Italian pasta dish you’d decided to whip up right before your mother called. It was one of the only times you two had actually eaten together since getting married, as you usually just ordered food whenever you were hungry or ate out somewhere his driver would take you.

You had just been shocked that the stoic man agreed to share what you’d made in the first place.

“He can come along, no worries. I’ve already told the guide that you’d be bringing your husband anyway, since I just assumed he’d go with you,” your mother said in a dismissive tone, seemingly distracted on the other end.

Shit, right. We’re meant to be in love.

“Okay, but it’s going to be pretty different to what we’ve been doing so far.” You sighed, thinking about all the high-class parties you’d attended in the last few months, twirling some pasta around your fork absent-mindedly. Seokjin was going to be way out of his element here.

“Then it’s settled, you leave in a couple of days. Remember the meeting spot?”

“Yes, Mum. Bye then.”

You hung up the phone and sunk back into the chair across from Seokjin, exchanging his look with one fizzling with tension. Not one of you had touched your food since you took the call.

“You going to tell me what that was about?” he hummed after eventually moving to swallow down the last of his meal with a satisfied sigh.

“Yeah, just trying to figure out how to tell you.”

He seemed a tad concerned, but didn’t push any further. You sat and brooded with your thoughts for another minute or so before running your hands slowly through your hair in exasperation. You could almost laugh at how strange this was going to be for him.

“Okay so we do this thing every year, although my parents don’t usually go, where our extended family and friends have a summer road trip out to the countryside and sometimes stop by the beach. It’s kind of like a break from the busy lives they all lead, and it’s … such a big difference from their wealthy lifestyles,” you explained, not catching any change in facial expression from the handsome man across from you.

“So … I used to tag along because like you just heard, my mother nags me to go, and the trips always turned out being not half bad. If anything, I enjoyed getting out and seeing the different ways of life the people there lived. It was a nice change of scenery too.”

You realized you were ranting and cleared your throat, pushing your half empty bowl away from you. Seokjin looked like he was pondering again, but you were already guessing the thought of a road trip probably put him off terribly.

“Look, my mother said you’d come along but no one’s going to force you. It’s just a getaway thing that lasts for a couple of weeks, I wouldn’t be gone for too long. Maybe you could attend a party or ball by yourself for once, it’d make everything much easier for you-”

“I’ll go.”

You blinked at him in shock, but he only gazed back with a spark of interest flashing in his dark eyes. The raw emotion was such a rarity for him that you had to blink again to snap out of the awed emotion that was now warming up your cheeks.

“You will?” you squeaked, hating how high your voice had pitched itself.

“Yeah, I don’t want life to get boring. I’ve never done something like this, so I’ll see how it goes,” he replied simply, a small smile resting on his lips as he took in your expression alighting with appreciation. Was he always this adventurous? Maybe deep down, there were sides to this man you had yet to discover.

“Well, we leave in a couple of days. I can tell the driver the meeting location and everything… uh, are you sure?”

“Yes, (Y/n).”

You got up from your seat and swept up your dishes, feeling an odd excitement flood your whole chest at the prospect of going on a retreat with Seokjin. Getting to spend some time with the man who was slowly but surely warming up to you was such a promising idea. Plus, lately you’d been wanting to get closer to him. Your need for pure company was becoming overwhelming.

You wanted your own husband to be the person you could turn to when you needed attention … but after giving it too much thought, you knew that there was no way he’d care enough to want to put up with that. It was borderline foolish of you.

“So, you didn’t really go on many holidays?” you probed quietly after rinsing the bowls. He’d shifted himself from the table to one of the kitchen stools to watch you work. You felt oddly comfortable under his searching gaze, even if you did look quite average in your tracksuit pants and simple white tee.

“If my father’s business trips count?” Seokjin snorted in dry humour. You could tell he was legitimately curious about the whole road trip thing, which was so baffling to you considering he’d barely tried to ask you about your life at all.

“Well, what did you do on those trips?”

You wiped your dripping hands on a dish cloth and sat across from him, only the sparkling white benchtop separating the two of you. You had been spending a fair amount time in this position during the past week or so, and it filled you with joy having these longer interactions with him whenever it happened.

“My father would take my brothers and I when we were younger to his workplaces. Teaching us his ways and getting us prepared for when we would take on jobs at the firm. My mother did her own thing, but would only talk to us about what we’d done that day. Maybe there was the occasional shopping trip for new clothes, but both parents were busy most of the time,” he said rather sourly.

Seokjin was obviously tired of having to spend so much of his life pleasing his own mother and father. You couldn’t have imagined how repetitive it all must have been, then again you didn’t really know what it was like spending time with your own parents in the first place.

“Can you tell me what you used to do, then?” he asked suddenly. You raised your eyebrows in disbelief, because he was asking about you, but then you felt bad for painting him in such a bad light. He wasn’t a terrible person; he just hadn’t engaged this much before. That’s why you were taken so off guard when he looked at you straight in the eyes and asked you the question so calmly.

“Um, yeah of course.” You smiled as the feeling of warmth enveloped your very soul, “So… since I never went on business travels with my parents, the only form of a holiday I ever experienced were these trips. They helped me relax and took my mind away from everything.”

You breathed out deeply at the memory of the countryside breeze, and the feeling of the piping hot beach sand crunching underneath your toes. You could only imagine the feeling of the sun’s rays kissing your skin as Seokjin watched in a mildly fascinated state.

“We’d travel as a large group in separate motorhomes – by the way we’ll most likely get one to ourselves – and stop in many small towns along the way. We’d go on walks and find lovely spots to eat lunch, and we’d visit special lookouts along with other cool cultural sites. The best thing was when you got the day to just venture through the place on your own, doing whatever you wanted and exploring the country.”

You unclasped your hands and let your voice die in your throat, not wanting to subject the man to more of your wistful reminiscing. He was hearing all about memories you held close to your heart, because throughout your school years the travelling was what’d kept your mind relaxed and stress-free.

“Sounds like it’ll be interesting for me. You said we’ll be given a motorhome, so we’re the ones driving?” he questioned quietly, almost as if he didn’t expect you to cut yourself off so soon.

“Yeah, I grew up with that brand of vehicle so I can do most of the driving. I’ve got my license,” you assured, barely stifling a giggle as you recalled memories of learning how to drive a motorhome for the first time.

“We can take turns,” he replied shortly, raising a strong eyebrow at you as if daring you to challenge him. You nodded in a slight daze of shock.

So you can drive too, huh.

You never would have guessed, after knowing that the handsome man had been chauffeured around basically his whole life. What need would he even have for a driver’s license?

“Well, I’m going to bed. I’ll start packing for this trip, just let me know if I need anything else,” Seokjin announced with a grunt as he slid off the chair and made his way around the bench to stand before you. He was dressed pretty casually as well, with a light blue button-up shirt hanging over grey trousers, but he still looked so unfairly tasteful.

“The only thing I’ll really say is just bring casual, but comfortable clothes. Oh, and a hat or cap if you have one,” you said, feeling giddy with anticipation for the holiday already. He nodded to acknowledge the advice, resting his weight onto one foot and pursing his thick lips as he thought about if he did, in fact, own a hat.

“Goodnight then,” you spoke after feeling something strange wash over you. This random urge to show him how elated you truly were. Your steps were bouncy and full of life, similar to the fitful pounding of your heart that felt full to the brim.

You stepped forward and placed your hands upon his crossed arms, then stood on your tiptoes and pressed your lips to his smooth cheek. He didn’t jerk away or tell you off, just stood rigidly still for a few seconds before leaving the room to head to bed. It was only after he was gone that it finally hit you.

No way… did I just do that? Did I actually just freaking do that?

Your face erupted into a fiery crimson blush and you almost slammed your head down into the benchtop below you. All the couple-like actions you both performed at the parties must have made themselves a habit of yours, and since you’d been feeling so happy the desire to kiss him just leapt out.

“Idiot, oh my God,” you whimpered to yourself, busying your hands by cleaning the rest of the kitchen in a hurry. The fact that he hadn’t said a single thing scared you. Did he hate it? Or did he like it, or did he just not care? There was no way of knowing!

You scurried off to your room and heard the door shut behind you a little louder than normal. Your embarrassment was flowing thickly through your veins at this point. You just needed to bury your head under the covers and forget that the whole thing happened.

It wouldn’t take long for him to forget, right?

Copyright © 2020 by salade. All rights reserved.

[twilightofthe]

What was your opinion of the Clovis arc? People I know either love it or hate it, no in between. I generally liked it but found it waayyy ooc.

Hey anon, thanks for the ask!!!!

AHSJFLSLALK OK SO UH. Wow. Clovis arc. Yiiiiiiikes ok so. I totally agree with you on the fandom divide and I also totally agree that everyone involved in it is rather OOC for my taste. That being said, that case of OOC is exactly why I personally do not like the arc that much at all.

(Please note that my following words are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS, and that anyone is free to disagree, in fact I welcome the discussion, and even if this is your favorite arc, please consider yourself welcome on my blog I hold nothing against those who might like it)

Part of me was gonna make a short and sweet point about how I don’t like that TCW has had both of its main female characters have unwanted kisses forced on them, and instead of teaching young girls watching to tell those kinds of people to fuck off and respect their bodies, we get: 1. Just let it happen, you both must kinda like each other anyway or 2. Stay still then sit back while your boyfriend beats him half to death

But actually turns out I wanted to spend all day writing an essay so now you get this. So far I’m gonna hit four points:

the show’s constant need for Vader foreshadowing sometimes tending to completely override Anakin’s current mindset and personality he should have at this point in the timeline as well as his preestablished characterization

the way TCW gave Anakin a giant dosage of toxic masculinity to try and please the pissy movie critics who didn’t like that he cried

the role of Padmé and how TCW tries to portray her as a “strong woman” by just having her constantly be irritated by and sometimes even look like she actively dislikes her husband while simultaneously have her act OOC so they can blame HER and her actions for Anakin’s reactions and anger and overall Fall

How I think this arc is not irredeemable and that with some fixes it could be done decently— decently, not well, because a lot of this arc’s problems are also due to preexisting writing choices throughout the show

(Ok whoops this turned into a half Clovis arc rant half entire TCW Anidala commentary)

So firstly I wanna start that yes, I am fully aware that TCW is meant to fill in the gaps between AOTC and ROTS and help explain why Anakin’s mindset in the final movie is what it is and justify his Fall. Of course we need to show some Vader foreshadowing throughout the series, and in some places it is executed very well, notably the Mortis arc, the Bad Batch arc, the Wrong Jedi arc, as well as others that I can’t cite off the top of my head currently because I might have a mild touch of heat exhaustion wooo I need to get off the beach.

But it also has some rather hamfisted Vader foreshadowing stuff too. Like, y’all know the fandom joke where it’s like “Anakin: *Accidentally Leaves The Toilet Seat Up*. The Background Music: *BLASTS the Imperial March*” but like, they actually really do that. Like the time where they have Anakin take out a terrorist about to blow up an entire ship full of people and then play the Imperial March afterwards and imply he’s a “cold-blooded killer” just to defend the moral purity of the two people who were gonna stand there and let the ship blow in the name of idealism.

I’m getting off topic but yeah, sometimes the show’s Vader foreshadowing makes sense, sometimes it’s pretty forced, and the Clovis arc DEFINITELY leans towards the forced side, and when they try to force more of Darth Vader into Anakin at a point where he shouldn’t quite be there yet, it screws with his entire character.

This is particularly shown in the majority of the show’s takes on Anakin’s relationship with Padmé. Namely, they tend to forget nearly the entirety of AOTC with the exception of the Tusken murder scene, then forget even more of ROTS up until the point where Anakin strangles her on Mustafar. Basically, they take the truth that it was Anakin’s unhealthy attachment to Padmé that sparked his Fall, but then they decide to run with it where almost every single interaction he has with her in the damn show is him being a toxic overbearing dick to her and her acting like she mildly tolerates him at most and definitely doesnt respect him as like, I guess a way of showing what happened on Mustafar is in character for them???? Ugh, I’ll explain further.

So with Anakin’s aggressive possessiveness towards her. We know Anakin has possession and attachment issues. We know he’s a clingy needy whiny anxious mess who’s constantly afraid of losing or driving away the few people he has pinned his entire happiness on. We know he leans unhealthily on Padmé to provide the majority of his emotional support. We know he’s convinced himself he can’t live without her. But never, NEVER is it seen in the movies where his possessiveness turns into outward aggression towards her or this douchey pushiness. Never does he treat her like his property, like she belongs to him.

Not until Mustafar.

Not until he’s raving, half out of his mind with the warring emotions over the atrocities he’s just committed, until he’s begging her to understand where he was coming from, begging her and the child to stay with him and justify his decision, until he sees Obi Wan and sees her backing away from him, leaving him, and he PANICS because oh no no no you can’t abandon me, I need you, doN’T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME. And he lashes out and tries to force her to stay, punish her for leaving and doubting him, and he puts that hand around her throat.

And that is supposed to be when we know he’s crossed the line, when we’re supposed to be horrified, where we know he’s lost himself, because he has NEVER ACTED LIKE THAT BEFORE.

Now how does Anakin act before? In the movies? He’s deferential to Padmé in almost every other scene they’re in together.

In AOTC, yeah he stares at her a bit creepily from a distance, he says awkward things and does goofy stuff to impress her, but he does Not get in her face. The few times he does invade her space, she flat out tells him: stand back. Don’t look at me like that. Don’t say that. Don’t interrupt me. And Anakin always, always backs off, respects her wishes. He follows her lead and lets her call the shots both on Naboo when he’s supposed to be protecting her and when she organizes the Geonosis rescue and once they arrive where she flat out tells him “I’m a Senator, I’ll handle this, just back me up”, and he’s all but just “ok yes queen”.

But they aren’t married then. Fine, take ROTS. It’s a movie all about Anakin’s issues but even then, when he’s worried about Padmé dying, he tells her he’s worried and that he can’t lose her, but he still keeps a distance. He doesn’t constantly hover and loom over her. If anything, Padmé, both in ROTS and AOTC is always the one to approach Anakin and close the distance when there’s conflict. When Anakin is upset, he averts his eyes and distances himself, tries to draw in on himself and brood silently, and we’ve seen it in Palpatine sometimes (of course with bad motives but he still does), but Obi Wan and Padmé both especially needing to be the ones to come over, turn his face to them and be like “hey, look at me, I care about you, what’s wrong”. Padmé SAYS in ROTS when he’s feeling specifically conflicted about losing Padmé, “don’t shut me out” and has to come over to him because he’s retreated into a corner of the room to scowl angstily out the window. Anakin does NOT get overbearing and possessive of her or get in her face, not once in the films.

In the fucking show? The Clovis arc, while perhaps the worst offender, isn’t even close to being the first time Anakin has been overly pushy and aggressive with Padmé, or acting like she’s something he owns, From that time in the Senate Hostage ep where he’s bugging her about ditching work and all but acting like incels texting like “awww but babe my dick hurts :(”, from the FIRST Clovis disaster ep where he’s childishly trying to screw up Padmé’s mission, to the Clovis arc in season 6

And this is where they just roll right in with their “oh so Anakin’s an overbearing, entitled douche” bit with the interaction he has with Pads and he’s trying to talk her out of taking the Clovis assignment and he says something along the lines of “as your husband, I demand you don’t do this”.

Hwat. The Fuck.

What kind of caveman-esque, 1800’s-ass man of the house whom my wife must obediently serve kinda entitled-ass BULLSHIT?!?!?!?

Like, I’m sorry, I really am, but that is just completely out of left field and not like Anakin at all. I mean to the point that when he’s an evil Sith Lord trying to talk her into taking over the galaxy with him, EVEN THEN he does not include “Padmé you must join me because I’m your husband and you do as I say” sort of domineering assholerly.

Anakin does not push Padmé around. He does not TRY to assert authority over her or try and force her to do shit. Not only because she doesn’t put up with that kinda shit for a second, but because Anakin respects Padmé; he will treat her with respect. He always has, and sometimes like in this arc it really doesn’t feel like he does.

Now of course Padmé’s response to the “I own you” declaration is “fuck you, asshole, I do what I want” and doubling down on her decision, and then decides to go even harder on the mission if only to spite her douche husband (and we’ll get to Padmé’s characterization in a bit) which is a very different kind of Anidala conversation we see in the show as opposed to the movies (also discussed later).

Now, the reason for Anakin’s overbearing douchery ties directly into an overarching problem in TCW— honestly, one of the very few issues I have with this show, but the problem is that it touches nearly the entire thing —and that is they almost completely reworked Anakin’s personality to be more hyper-masculine alpha male.

This is a topic I’ve discussed on my blog before, but the gist is that in the movies, Anakin was not the typical male heroic protagonist and DEFINITELY not what people expected from Future Darth Vader The Masked Brutish Male Power Fantasy. He was awkward, he was shy, he was soft spoken, he was clumsy around the girl he liked, he was very openly romantic, he liked frolicking in fields and candlelit dinners and snuggling. Two of the most important people in his life were soft, feminine women and he openly loved them very dearly and very gently— and he deferred to them when he felt it was right, as I’ve mentioned before. He CRIED when he was upset and was messy and emotional. And fanboys hated this with a burning passion. They couldn’t project their power fantasy onto this!!!! The Anakin critics were a HUGE part of the mob who crucified the prequels to the point of chasing both Anakin actors practically out of the movie industry in general.

The Clone Wars writers were obviously petrified of this happening again. So their solution, as has always been Star Wars’s solution to hateful fans being upset about an innocent character, is to completely rework them, hide or retcon all the undesirable qualities, and act like everything was all fixed. Now don’t get me wrong, there are aspects of TCW Anakin that I adore. As I’ve also mentioned before, they got his humor, his cleverness, his eagerness to do the right thing, to help people, his relationship with Obi Wan and Ahsoka and his men, they got that all perfectly. But the rest??? TCW’s solution to the criticism of Movie!Anakin was to turn him into an agressive, dominant, violent shadow of everything “soft” he was in the movie

Now, he speaks loudly and more deeply. Now, he’s cocky and overconfident and while yes he was arrogant in the movies, now it’s dialed up to like an 11. He never cries, never even THINKS to show a negative emotion that’s not Manly Rage And Aggression(TM). And then there’s the way he is around the women in his life. No more awkwardness or shyness, now he makes jokes about being a “ladies man” and does whatever the fuck flirting he does with Miraj Scintel even though the Anakin from the movies would have needed like every scrap of his self control just to look at her without insta-murdering her face. And then there’s how he is with Ahsoka and Padmé. He is muuuuch more of a loud brash dudebro around them who pushes his weight and is kind of controlling and their solution is just to have the both of them be Strong Women(TM) who Fight Back whenever he tries it too hard with them.

With Ahsoka, it’s not too bad because it’s a brand new dynamic and she’s a rather agressive firecracker personality herself when we first meet her, so the constant Snips n’ Skyguy snipefest works for them. For Padmé? It just means that in far too many episodes they’re in there’s a point where Anakin says something Eh and Padmé gets mildly irritated to actually annoyed with him for it and she’ll talk down to him and then there’s an argument between them because he’s bullheaded and she’s a Strong Woman. Why do I consider these out of character?

In the movies, despite the flaws, Anidala is a couple who actually tries to communicate. Anakin feels open to speak about his troubles to Padmé and her to him (for the most part, she definitely has a savior complex and a tendency to squash her own shit so she can help deal with both Anakin’s and the galaxy’s at large) when they’re worried or concerned about something and they want to talk it out, so they’ll talk it out!

The problem with Anidala isn’t that they don’t communicate, it’s that they try but also only do it by halves because they hate fighting. They’ll talk, Anakin will say something that Padmé might disagree with— the fascism discussion in the Naboo field in AOTC, the question of whether the Republic is just or not in TPM —and she’ll try and correct him if she feels he’ll listen, but if he doubles down, she’ll go “ok you know what, agree to disagree, let’s not fight” and she subtly changes the subject because she hates fighting with him. If Pads says something Ani doesn’t like— telling Obi Wan about them in ROTS, some emotional advice she tries to give in both movies —he’ll flat out shut down and be like “I don’t want to talk about this, let’s drop it” and then seek out cuddles or affection as a distraction.

And that brings us back to the Clovis arc. The scene where the “as your husband” line occurs. Anakin is trying to talk Padmé out of doing this not because he’s jealous. Maybe he was jealous the first time he met Clovis and saw Padmé being all cute n’ fond with her old flame, but this time it seems almost entirely because last time ended in catastrophe and he’s genuinely worried for Padmé and feels she’s not thinking wisely, that she’s putting herself in danger.

However, Anakin is deciding to voice these concerns in Possessive Dudebro Pushing because of the aforementioned misguided Vader Foreshadowing and Toxic Masculinity. Padmé? Is not even CONSIDERING what he has to say, is just breezing on through and shutting him down at every turn and generally acting like he’s a dumbass who doesn’t have a clue about anything.

Now, it is very in character for Padmé Amidala to be all “I’m right, you’re wrong, fuck you don’t get in my way”. HOWEVER, they aren’t framing this as solely Padmé having a goal and bulldozing her way through the situation. That’s not how they frame this.

They frame this as: Padmé is embarrassed that she misjudged the situation wrong the last time and embarrassed even further that Anakin had to step in and get her out of trouble— which he brings up —and probably remembers that he made fun of her while he did it—

(Timing out to say that THAT scene was also OOC; they once more wanted a Vader parallel what with Anakin’s silhouette when he opens her cell door and the way Padmé’s sleeping pose is identical to Leia’s in ANH. But Anakin basically steps in and gives her this condescending-ass “awww the little wife’s gotten in over her head like I SAID she would, good thing I’m here to rescue her!” bit that’s really just MEAN. It’s not like him and Obi Wan’s/Ahsoka’s teasing snark whenever they have to pull each out of trouble, he’s just kicking her while she’s already down. Really, Anakin’s reaction should have been a lot less humorous and a lot more pissy; she didn’t listen to him, didn’t trust him, and ended up in danger because of it. It’d be a surly and upset “I told you so”, not an amused one.)

—and now it seems much more like Padmé is solely taking this assignment to spite Anakin for being a dick and to pettily prove that she knows what she’s doing rather than any sense or urge to do the right thing. And....... childish pettiness????? Is not Padmé. And yet, she has the entire immature “don’t tell me what to DO, Anakin” attitude this whole arc that amounts to WAY more than just the normal response she would have to his overcontrolling dickishness

And once again, it’s because she, like everyone else in the episode, seems to think the problem Anakin has is that he’s jealous of Clovis. He’s not, not really. He’s insecure, yes, but he also knows Clovis is a bag of dicks as well, and trusts that Padmé knows she’s better than that. His problem isn’t fears he’ll lose Padmé, it is entirely that Padmé isn’t listening to his concerns, doesn’t trust him, is going into a situation they both know is unwise, and he is frustrated he’s not in a position where he can look out for her since he feels she’s not looking out for herself. And, he’s not entirely wrong. Padmé IS being reckless and kind of irrational solely to prove a point. He just goes about it pretty much entirely the wrong way, which is what you can really say is the cause and effect formula for any problem Anakin Skywalker encounters and subsequently makes worse.

And then there’s That Scene. The one where Clovis tries to force a kiss on Padmé and Anakin freaks and almost kills him for it. I’ll start off by quoting another Tumblr user on that very scene by saying in regards to Clovis: “that bitch deserved that”. The almost murder? Maybe not that far, but the initial hitting for disrespecting someone’s “no”? Yep, that was deserved.

My first criticism is that Anakin shouldn’t have even had time to attack him because why the fuck wasn’t Padmé instantly kneeing him in the balls?!?! Like Padmé is not prone to violence immediately, no, but she can will and does defend herself immediately when she needs to— her right punch knocked someone tf out once when she was pissed —and she already gave him a warning that his advances were not welcomed.

Now, I am absolutely not victim blaming. I am NOT saying it is the fault of a woman (I’d be a hypocrite if I did and that’s all I’ll say on THAT), or of anyone when faced with sexual harassment, if they don’t fight back for whatever reason, no matter how capable of doing so they may be. What I’m saying is that considering her previous behavior and personality and the fact that the show NEVER goes deep enough into explaining heavy stuff like why victims might freeze or NOT fight back when faced with harassment, I feel like showing her not attempting to defend herself at all is kinda strange.

Now, Padmé’s utter passiveness to the situation aside, we’re going back into toxic masculinity and misunderstood interpretations of how Anakin displays possession. While I’ll repeat that Clovis deserved consequences for the forced kiss, Anakin going full caveman defending his property jealous rage just. Doesn’t feel right to me. Again, I think Anakin would probs hit him and put the fear of living god into him, maybe even I’d buy the attempted murder if they framed it as Anakin doing it because he hates those who force their will on others and disrespect women, but the whole that’s MY wife and you’re touching her shite just once more feels alpha male aggressive ridiculousness. Like again, I understand Anakin is possessive of Padmé, but not like this. I’m sorry, but I just cannot see that, him fighting over her like she’s a scrap of meat.

Like, I completely think she’s in the right tho to put them on a break after he does it though. That’s well within her right.

But then onto the FINAL part where after Clovis goofs and fucks them all over and then dies, she forgives him and blames herself for everything and apologizes. And like, that part I do see as in canon and character for her and for Anakin. He doesn’t like to admit his mistakes, her mistakes weigh on her and when she fails to fix or save someone, she falls into depression and upset and self-blame.

But the fact that Clovis died because Anakin dropped him? Anakin Skywalker, who scaled an entire elevator shaft carrying two people over his back who combined probs weighed more than Padmé and Clovis. Anakin Skywalker, who’s used the Force to lift tons of debris, who’s used it to hold back explosions, Anakin Skywalker, MOST POWERFUL FORCE USER IN HISTORY WHO TENDS TO RELY ON BRUTE STRENGTH FOR MOST SHIT ANYWAY. That Anakin couldn’t pull two people over a ledge?!?!?!?!? This has always bothered me.

Like to be honest; I feel this entire episode could have been so fixable too. Like keep Anakin’s obsessive worry over Padmé making a mistake, keep the best part of the arc which is his talk with Obi Wan where Obi Wan tries to connect with him and explain that he’s not alone, all Jedi have emotional struggles and have loved, if perhaps he wants to TALK to someone about it, Obi Wan is here for him, like that? That’s okay!

Just ugh ffs, get rid of the nasty Anakin treating Padmé like a naughty dog who won’t obey him and the Padmé purposely acting unwisely to spite Anakin plot. Have the entire conflict be both of them being upset that the other doesn’t trust them, doesn’t believe in their advice, keep Padmé’s speech about how marriages NEED trust and compromise to survive, take all of Anakin’s aggression towards Padmé and transfer it to aggression towards Clovis, like make the conflict him menacing the guy if he hurts Padmé again just because he’s being overprotective and “if you won’t look out for yourself I will” and Anakin getting constantly checked for not being able to control his emotions, Padmé can tell him off for being overprotective instead of overaggressive and his possessiveness can instead show through him arguing that he needs to keep her safe at all costs. THAT can be the argument.

And if they want the Vader foreshadowing? Like real, in-character Vader foreshadowing??? Tbh, drop the Clovis beatdown, drop the machoness towards Padmé, and just have Anakin blatantly DROP the douchebag at the end of the episode instead of his hand slipping. Make him choose to ACTIVELY kill Clovis. Like THAT, Anakin taking the law into his own hands and deciding that he knows best and this guy is dangerous and has fucked up one too many times, there being an opportunity where there’s an chance to save Clovis when they’re alone without Pads, “be a Jedi, Padmé wouldn’t want this, do the right thing” Clovis might say, and we can see Anakin’s face considering, and then he just “Long Live The King”s him and lets him fall and die, THAT is an in-character Vader foreshadowing.

Then at the end of the episode, we can have Anakin lie to her, say Clovis slipped, say it was too late, and Padmé can believe him, thank him for trying. Then there’s the same thing where Padmé apologizes, and we can have a callback to the convo about trust and she adds that she’s sorry that she didn’t trust him, and when she says that, we zoom in on Anakin’s guilty face.

There. That’s how I’d fix these episodes

And THERE, I think I’ve complained about everything, I am SO sorry for the gigantic ass post and response, I’ll add a read more once I’m on my laptop and not on the beach on mobile.

But yeah anon, I hope that satisfies your question xD

Once again, I welcome discussion if y’all either agree with me or if you have any differing opinions, I know my takes are far from hot for several people and I’m curious to see what others think!

[ofmythsandmadness]

a favour asked like none ever before.

Fake dating. An ancient trope from the very beginning of time - or like, whenever the rom-com gods started working their movie magic. It’s tried and true, a move that always has a satisfying happy ending. 

Well, at least in the movies. In the real world, it’s a suggestion that’s much more messy and complicated for any sort of good end. It’s bitter and heart-wrenching and convoluted, leading to tears and shouts and vases being thrown - or, something like that. Could this trope even ever truly work?

OR, Diego Hargreeves needs a favour unlike anything he’s ever asked for before.

WORD COUNT: 2700+. WARNINGS: A couple swear words. A super worn out trope. Possibly bad, definitely unedited writing. You know the drill. A/N: I wrote this while I was supposed to be doing my job, while scrolling through a selection of one of my favourite cliche tropes. This is just a dumb little thing I made from it. If you want a part two of this, let me know (and as well, if you want to be added to the series’ taglist, let me know, too). xx

“I NEED YOU TO DATE ME.”

Of all the things she had heard leave Diego Hargreeves lips, perhaps that was the strangest one, to date.

It was the delivery that really sold it - though the words were crazy on their own, the way he said it did not help to make it more sane a request. Him, rushing in through her window as though his ass was on fire, clutching a bag and sporting a wild look in his eyes that never meant good. And before she could even mutter a single thing about him scaring her by doing that, or even finish the yelp of surprise she never could get over, he said those very words.

“I need you to date me.”

Y/N let her shouts of indigence die in her throat, replaced instead by confusion. She watched him dump the bag on her counter and act as he normally would; grab a beer, slip his boots by the door, as though it was his place and not hers. As though he had not just said the most outrageous sentence to ever be uttered in the history of their long and convoluted friendship.

“I - n - what!?”

Diego paused in his movements, sparing her a quick glance before turning away, as though his words were not a complete oddity - enough to inspire like, a late seventies David Bowie album. “What?”

“Uh - did you just hop through my window, say ‘hey we should date’ and then proceed to ‘what’ me as if this is all normal as shit!?”

Diego frowned only then, wagging his beer bottle at her as he swallowed his gulp. “Hey, no, I did not say ‘we should date’.”

“That’s basically what you just screamed into my previously peaceful apartment.”

“There’s a huge fuckin’ difference ‘tween what I said and ‘we should date’!”

“God, I really see why you’re single now. You have no twig of romance in your body, Hargreeves, and you also make absolutely no sense at all!”

“C’mon, Y/N I really don’t want to date you.”

And all she could say to that, after a brief moment of merely blinking, was, “well, shit, thanks?”

“Ah, c’mon - I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, nah, I mean I can’t say I’m terribly eager to hop on that relationship train with you, but you don’t have to be so harsh about it. I’ll have you know, I am somewhat of a catch.”

Diego sighed and leant his weight against the wall, cradling his beer in one hand and rubbing his face with the other. “It’s just a weird thing to talk about.”

“Hey, you’re the one who brought this up, not me.”

“You got somethin’ to eat?”

“Diego, focus please.”

He threw his hands up in defense, a half-smirk just barely dusting his features. “Sorry, it’s just - look, I’ll be straight.”

“Great, please do that so I don’t combust from all this confusion,” she shot back, sticking her tongue out at his rolled eyes.

“I need a favour from you. A big one, but you owe me, so…”

“Oh, I owe you now?”

“Yeah, don’t you remember last month?”

Her hands fell to her hips, mouth agape in frustrated surprise. “Last month, when I paid you back legit the next day? Stitching your ass up at four in the morning means nothing to you now?”

“Okay, fine, yeah - I know, I ask a lot, but this...I need this. An’ it’s not like I’ve got anyone else.”

“‘That makes me feel so much better.”

He fell off the wall and moved nearer, a pout on his full lips now. His hands moved to hers, bringing them up to his own chest. “C’mon. I’ll make it up to you however you want.”

Immediately, Y/N felt a smirk grow on her face. “Oh, anything?”

“Okay, I-”

“-suddenly, I’m so much more interested,” she giggled, tugging her hands away just so she could pinch his cheeks. Diego shuddered away with a glare, only leaving her laughing harder. “Alright, alright, dummy. What do you need me for this time? Lay it on me.”

“I need you to play my girlfriend.”

Her smile remained, but it was suddenly more strained, weaker and more fake. “Uh-huh. Okay. Um....so. Just...what does that mean, exactly?”

“I need to get my siblings off my ass. They don’t shut up about it, how lonely I apparently am-”

“-I mean, I am your only friend, sweetie-”

“-an’ they keep setting me up, actin’ like they’re gonna find me my future wife. It was fine at first,” he sighed, pausing to gulp down more of his beer. “I didn’t give a shit, but now I’m losing my mind. I’ve had enough of wasting nights pretending I give a damn about people’s jobs and hobbies - you know how many people in this city who think they can sing? Cause there’s way too many a’them out there.”

Y/N chewed her lip. “I see your point, really I do, but c’mon. This is a lot. Having me as your girlfriend? That’s a lot more than just like, nightly first aid sessions.”

“I know it’s a lot, but it’s not like it’s for real.”

“We’re gonna have to pretend it’s real.”

Diego rolled his eyes and sank into her couch. “It’s not as bad as you think. I’ve got a whole plan. I tell ‘em that I’m taken, that’ll entertain them a week until I bring up the fact that it’s you. After that, we go out a couple times, do one or two dinners, and then break up maybe two months later. Simple.”

“Okay, but I don’t wanna break up with you and have things weird,” she argued, crossing her arms against her chest. Maybe it was a protective move she did not even consciously make, an attempt to hide the fact her heart was pounding harder than she thought possible. For no understandable reason, this whole concept was making her nervous - and not just because of his plan. “I don’t wanna be kicked out of your and their lives because we ‘broke up’.”

“You won’t.”

“How?”

“We’ll say we tried and it didn’t work out, that we were better as friends.” Diego shrugged, as though he was merely suggesting they order a pizza. 

“Okay, sure. But do you really think we can seriously pull this off in front of them? I don’t know how we’re gonna look like n’act like a serious couple.”

The truth was, though, that they already were seen as one to the rest of the Hargreeves. And they both knew it. Every time they were remotely interacting, one of them made a sly comment, or brought up the fact that they would look ‘so cute together’. Klaus even questioned their defenses for a long while, asking if they were just together in secret and not saying anything about it. They were not, of course, but that did not stop the dysfunctional set of siblings from telling them they should get together.

In the eyes of the Hargreeves, Diego and Y/N were perfect for each other. They probably just had to look at one another to sell the idea - but neither one wanted to bring that up.

“We’ll practice. Work out a system. It’s not like we have to get married, we just gotta attend a couple dinners and parties and hold hands and shit.”

Y/N felt her lip sting, and absent-mindedly she touched at the area she had been picking at. Her finger came back spotted with red. “I don’t know, man. This is a lot. Even just a couple months - what if one of us finds somebody for real?”

“Well, then, we’ll call it quits early.”

“You sure?”

He nodded in fake seriousness, but the smirk on his lips told a different story. “Sure, if you find the love of your life in the two months we gotta do this, I’ll find you a way out.”

“Shut up,” she shot back, though she too grinned a little - it was no secret the pair had less than desirable love lives. “Don’t tease your girlfriend like that, maybe I’m sensitive.”

Just before he could give his own retort, his eyes widened in slight realisation. “Wait, for real”

“I mean...what do I have to lose?”

Diego immediately lifted off the couch and moved to her, pulling her in a tight hug not characteristic for him. She stiffened in the embrace, unsure what to do or where to put her hands. Luckily for her, the moment was over within seconds, with him pulling away and headed back into her tiny kitchen to toss his beer. She was able to breath and push away the panic that had set in with the unexpected touch, prepare herself for acting normal in the face of unknown territory.

Y/N followed him into the kitchen, pulling a beer out for herself and tossing a second one to him. “We have to make some rules, if we’re gonna do this right, though.”

“Rules?”

“Yeah. Like guidelines and shit. I know you have your so-called plan, but I’m only going to go through with this if we have a concrete system set in place.” She paused, frowning at his smile. “What?”

Diego shook his head, still grinning. “Nothing. You’re just such a teacher.”

Y/N just stuck her tongue out and turned away. “You’ll thank me for this later, if and when we get stuck in a double date with like, Allison or something.”

“Sure, sure.”

She set herself down on the couch and reached for her laptop. Diego made his way over and sank in beside her, watching as she pulled up a new word document. In big letters, Y/N typed out the title: ‘DIEGO AND Y/N’S FAKE RELATIONSHIP GUIDELINES’.

“Okay. First rule?” Her hands flew across the keyboard. “If at any point, I want out, I’m out.”

Diego nodded. “Sure. An’ vice versa.”

“Uh-huh. Alright. What else?”

“Uh...okay, we have to do a minimum of two family dinners.” The Hargreeves monthly get-togethers were already essential in both lives, a point where all siblings could reconnect under one roof again and pretend like they were a normal family. Y/N often showed up on request, but not for every one. Though that would change. “Fully committed to the relationship.”

She chewed her bottom lip as she typed, ignoring the faint metallic taste filling her mouth. It was far from the first thought in her mind, just then. “Great, fine. Should we consider behaviour? Like, what I have to do to pretend to be hopelessly in love with you?”

Diego chuckled beside her, a low rasp that made her heart twinge in a way she did not understand. “I guess the standard couple shit. Holding hands, hugs, uh-”

“-kissing?”

She heard him swallow beside her, clearly a nervous point, yet he managed to keep his voice steady. “Probably necessary.”

“Okay,” she drew out, “but like - to what extent?”

“Well, I’m not saying we have to have sex in front of them, if that’s what you mean.”

“Not at all what I’m saying, dumbass,” she retorted, slapping his leg lightly. “I just mean, what are we saying? Cheek, pecks?”

“Nothing too big. Probably the cheek is fine, headshots.”

“Headshots? What, are you’re gonna kill me with a smooch on the temple, man?”

He let out a soft ‘ha’. “I have been known to be deadly with my-”

“-you really don’t need to even bother with finishing that sentence,” she said with a smirk. Her fingers pounded the keyboard, carefully writing out her addition to the rule. “Um, I guess we don’t have to worry about our story, considering everyone already knows we’re close. What’s the situation we should say progressed us from friends to dating, though?”

Diego shrugged. “Somethin’ simple. I came over one day and you realised you just couldn’t resist my charm anymore, and had to confess your attraction to my-”

“-or,” she shot back, turning to look up at him, “you stopped by soaking wet-”

“-why would I soaking wet?”

“From the rain, don’t be gross. It was raining of course, and super late and you came by to profess your adoration for me and everything I do, begging me to take you even though I was far from in your league, that I was the prettiest girl in the world and you could never begin to tell me how much I mean to you.”

He laughed at that, but just slightly, his face reddened - though that could have been the light, Y/N mused. “Guess we’ll meet in the middle. We wanted to give it a try, and then we realised we were actually good together.”

“Sure. Just clean n’simple. Great.”

Still looking down at her through half-lidded eyes, Diego nodded. He wore a strange expression, one she could not quite read. “Works,” he mumbled back, softer than before.

Y/N tore her gaze from his and began to type again. She coughed to clear her throat, feeling a bit odd out of the blue. “Um, so, we’re probably gonna have to fake it for my sister, too. If she hears I’m with someone, even you, she’s gonna pull a whole interrogation scheme out.”

“Sure. Guess that’s fair.”

“You know she’s ruthless.”

“I can handle her.”

Y/N smiled softly. “You say that now, but...alright. Okay, so, dates, dinners, PDA, um...what are you gonna call me?”

“What d’you mean?”

She shifted on the couch so she could see him again - that time, less so right in his face. “You know, couple nicknames and what not.”

“Oh. Do we need that?”

“Well we don’t need it, but it’s probably better if we have some set up to sell the story a bit better. We don’t sound believable if I call my boyfriend ‘man’ n’shit.”

Diego stifled a yawn and swirled his bottle, watching the liquid splash within the bottle. “Okay. What do you want?”

“Nothing cheesy - if you call me honey, or something cheesy, I will punch you. Like princess n’ all that is a no go.”

He grinned. “How about precious? Angel?”

“Don’t you dare-”

“-I’m kiddin. I think I’d barf,” he said, still chuckling. “Let’s just leave that alone, I don’t think we need to worry about it.”

Y/N shrugged, glancing down to delete the rule. “Fine. But if you dare call me something garbage, I will leave you right then and there.”

“You have no faith in me,” he teased, nudging her with the bottle. She shivered, the cold sending chills down her spine. “C’mon, I think this is fine. We know each other, we’re adults, we know how to lie. I mean, I fooled you for six months into believin’ I was just wounded from boxing fights.”

She giggled at that. “Please. I knew a week into you showing up who you were. I’ve lived long enough in this city to know what was up. You’re not as good of a liar as you think - I don’t think you can keep a thing from me, honestly.”

Diego grinned and mumbled something at that, something she could not quite catch, but she let it go. “Fine. Whatever. The rules are fine.”

“Exactly.” She cleared her throat and adjusted the screen, ready to read them aloud. “Okay, here is the extensive list of guidelines for Diego and Y/N’s fake relationship, always subject to change or additions.

At any point, either person in the relationship can ask to leave and break off the arrangement, REGARDLESS of time and place. There must be a good reason.

PDA wise, hand holding, embraces, kisses to the cheek or head, respectable touches and actions are all fine.

Kissing is fine if the situation requires it, but only the necessary amounts.

Stick with the story - we decided to try being a couple, went on a date and decided to go forward and now we’re together (subject to revision).

A required two Hargreeves family dinners need to be completed in order to fulfill the relationship - not including any separate, smaller occasions that may arise. As well, there must be a meeting of Y/L/N’s sister in order to fulfill the agreement.

A minimum of two months is required for the relationship (unless there is reason to withdraw, see first rule).

No stupid cheesy couple pet names.

No actually falling for the other person.

At the last one, Diego frowned. “What is number six about?”

“Oh, come on, it’s not serious,” she grinned. “But you know how this shit goes. In rom-coms, they always fall for each other and things get messy.”

“This isn’t a movie.”

“No shit, Sherlock. But it’s funny and it’s just a stupid rule.” She paused to poke at him teasingly. “What, you looking to marry me after all this?”

He rolled his eyes. “I just mean it’s unnecessary, but fine.”

“Great. I’ll give you a copy of this, just to consult if you ever forget.”

“Thanks so much,” he shot back, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Is that it, then?”

Y/N slammed her laptop down and in response, lifted her beer bottle to meet his. “I believe that makes it official...boyfriend.”

He laughed as the glass clinked. “Fantastic...girlfriend.”

“Jeez,” she grumbled, downing a swig before finishing the softly spoken thought. “That’s gonna take some getting used to.”

“Tell me about it.”

The two then fell into a funny silence, staring away from one another and sipping at their beers, both at a loss for words. It seemed as though just then, the situation had sunk in for the pair and they had no idea what to say to their now (albeit fake) partner. All they could do was stare at the ground and wall respectively and silently wonder, just what the hell they had gotten themselves into.

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 36

Catch up on AO3

~*~Sebastian~*~

I can’t believe I popped off like that and embarrassed the hell out of Emma. Her laughing it off was good, but I still felt bad. After I said thank you, I took her hand from my chest and kissed it before dropping our hands between us and heading toward the restaurant.

The manager was waiting at the hostess stand when we arrived. He led us to our table and said our server would be right with us. We were at the same table, by my request, only I couldn't bear to sit across from her tonight. I took the chair with my back to everyone, diagonal to her, where I could touch her.

My leg rested against hers while we flipped through the menus. A minute later our server showed up, "Hey, you're back."

I'd requested her too. "I promise we won't stay until close tonight."

She swiped her hand down, "Don't worry about it. What can I get you guys to drink?"

Emma pulled her lips to the side, "I'd like a margarita on the rocks with salt."

"Do you have a preferred Tequila?"

"Patron Silver."

I looked from Emma to our server, "That sounds good."

"I'll be right back."

Emma smiled, "Thank you, Cindy."

I was struck, again, by her kindness to everyone. Especially me. I took her hand to bring her attention to me, "I like opening doors." I also like to say awkward shit when I'm trying to explain myself to this woman. She makes me stumble over words like an idiot. Let's try again. “Your compliment caught me off guard. I went for self-depreciation. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"I have no idea why I got embarrassed."

I noticed her cheeks turning red again, "You're blushing again."

"I can feel it." She used the hand I wasn't holding to feel her cheeks.

Whatever was going on was cute as hell. She certainly wasn't embarrassed while I was fucking her into the wall. I digress. I need to finish my explanation. "I like to open doors, carry things, and take your hand because I want to make sure you know I think you're special, because you are. Special to me."

"I want to kiss you."

The look on her face and softness of her voice did things to me. My stomach felt funny and I wanted to press in the middle of my chest. "You can kiss me." I leaned closer and waited for the touch of her lips. It was too short. "You can always kiss me."

"Ok, two patron margaritas on the rocks with salt."

Boy, was this feeling familiar. I looked at Cindy, trying not to laugh. "Thanks, Cindy."

"No problem. Do you know what you want? Ready to order?"

"I do know what I want." I looked at Emma. "Do you know what you want, sweetheart?"

She wasn't blushing now. "I do." She took her eyes from mine, "I'd like the seafood pasta."

"I’ll take the salmon." I handed our menus to Cindy. She walked away and we started laughing. I think this is going to be an interesting night.

Emma's eyes went wide, "Oh! It turns out we have friends in common."

"We do?"

"I called Angie to do the girl thing where we dish about the new guy. After I'd told her about you, I sent her the bear picture."

I snorted a laugh, "I like the fish one. Our relationship is defined by you kissing a fish in a bag before me."

She threw out, "We're making up the time” then went on with the story. "Ang remembered Eli had met you and went to find him.” She did this thing with her hands like she jumping from point to point. “Eli is in band with Boone. Boone is now married to Kirk. You know Kirk from Gossip Girl and were at the bachelor party with Eli. He remembers you from other parties too, but that was the connection.” Emma put her hand on her chest, “I was at the wedding."

"Well, that was a bad decision on my part." Fuck me.  Wait, I think I had a date for the wedding before I had to cancel.

"No, you weren’t supposed to meet me then."

I scratched my head, "I was filming. I saw pictures. Beautiful wedding." I made grabby hands for her phone, "Pictures of Eli."

"You‘ll recognize Eli. He has the best hair." She dug her phone out of her purse and clicked through a couple of screens before handing it to me. “Look around.”

I flipped through the pictures trying to find one that sparked a memory. Maybe a dozen in there was a video of Boone and Eli's band. I turned on the sound. That did it. "Oh yeah, I remember him. Good musician. I think I got stoned with them."

Emma snickered, "That sounds typical.”

"Did you get anything interesting on me?"  I was curious.

She shook her head vehemently, "We laughed about him being a character reference, but no.  He said you’d been to gigs and a couple of parties, but we probably wouldn’t have noticed because no one really paid any attention to you. You were just another guy hanging out with friends. Said you were funny drunk with your friends.”

I nodded, "That is me in a nutshell." I was making a mental list of my traitorous friends who might know her. “The drunk with friends part can be pretty loud and borderline obnoxious.” Only really good friends.

“Aren’t we all.” She shook her head and rolled her eyes, “Angie and I put on quite the show. Eli either stands back pretending not to know us or tries to reign us in. We dance and sing then get to the you’re my best friend and I love you stage. We can have complete conversations saying single words. Eli can usually figure out what’s going on.”

“Best kind of friends. I like when one of us will text the other to come rescue or comment on something.” I remembered the other night, “Could have used that the other night.” She cocked her head to the side. “That dinner and cocktail party. So many conversations I wanted out of. Ended up hanging out with the husband of one of the execs.”

“Everything go ok otherwise?”

I nodded, “Yeah, everything’s good.” I hadn’t had a chance to tell her about it yet. “It’s a Japanese watch ad.” 

Emma ran a finger over my wrist next to the band of my watch. That shouldn’t have felt as good as it did. “You going to get a new watch out of this?”

“Oh yeah, already got my eye on one.”  Two actually. “Dinner was with company executives, then the party was spouses and lower executives. We went to this amazing sushi place. So good.”

We talked and laughed through dinner, switching off telling stories. It was easy conversation. We were recognizing names and asking questions to put things together. I was excited for the next part where we got to know each other’s friends.  I had an idea, but I’d wait until later to talk to her. Of course, there were a few of my friends who already knew her. Kirk and I were going to be having a talk. I didn’t give a shit about information on her. I want to know why he never set us up? He throws other women in front of me, why not her? My friends are, well, they're my friends for a reason. There's a group of college friends I get together with every so often. They're fun and remind me of where I came from. Gym friends, who make that time fun. Work friends are other actors or people in the business. Then there's the guys. A group I’ve known for years and I count as my best friends. I take vacations with them and they travel with me sometimes. This is the core I count on to call me on my shit and keep me grounded. They're the most important and who I talked about most tonight.

I paid the check and we headed out. The sun was close to setting and the sky was already turning the colors she loved. Perfect for a romantic walk by the river. "Wanna take a walk?

"Love too."

We veered out of the parking lot right past the CRV. I'd been holding her hand, but once we were close to the river, I put my arm around her shoulder so she wouldn't get cold. Not really. I just wanted her close. I'd told her I'd be happy being quiet with her and I was. There was noise all around and we walked in comfortable silence. I liked how she fit against me under my arm. The way her hand felt on my waist. How when the breeze blew I could catch the faint scent of her perfume. Her hair was silky over my arm. A lot of times she feels like sensory overload. Right now, she feels calming. Very calming, which doesn't make a lot sense to me given the amount of contact.

Once the people thinned out, I led her to an empty bench. I kept my around her and Emma laid her hand on my leg, her head on my shoulder, and I pressed my lips to her hair before laying my cheek there. I reached for her hand and twined our fingers. The sun was sinking fast. I’ve always been underwhelmed by sunsets. Sure they’re pretty, but I was looking for excitement and was disappointed. Now, I get it.  There’s not an explosion or some big event marking the end of the day. It’s simply the outcome of a complex situation. Interaction of light, cloud, humidity, and temperature. They don’t plan or rehearse, they just come together to see what they make. I had a very new and satisfying view of sunsets now. Something tangible she’s taught me. I broke the silence with a kiss on her forehead and decided to tell her.  "I have a deeper understanding of sunsets now. You taught me. Sunset isn’t the end. The fifteen twenty minutes after are just as beautiful."

"Does that make sense with anything else?"

The teacher in her was coming out and I nodded, "Anything really. We came out for dinner, but the walk after has been as just as good. And there’s a lot to be said for after sex where you’re basically internalizing the physical and emotional parts."

Emma smiled, "A lot of life happens after the high."

Her words hit me in the chest. I leaned forward to look at her, "Keep talking."

"I think people miss a lot of really good stuff because they're focused on some big payoff. And people-miss the good that comes from something bad."

I squinted my eyes, "You're an optimist."

"No, no." She shook her head with a frown. "I’m very good at finding a silver lining and over time I’ve learned to trust in that. I really do believe I'II be alright no matter what happens."

"You're strong." I never wanted to leave this bench, this conversation.

"And you’re not?" Her tone gave away her disbelief.

I smiled, "I am. I'm not in a good business for weakness. I used to send out these homemade audition tapes. A friend would shoot them and I’d send them to anyone, just to keep me showing up on their desk. Must have sent out hundreds. Lots of no responses and rejection. I kept pushing forward. I try to be true to me, to do what's right for me. Sometimes that means making a shitty choice for a long-term gain. There's strength there. It takes strength in maneuvering through all the bullshit. My overthinking and bouts with lack of confidence make me human. One of the many things I love about acting is slipping into a character. I’ve studied, and researched, and built the character, but once I step into him it's not about me anymore. It's about doing justice to the script, the director, the other actors, the project. When it all comes together it’s the greatest feeling. I'm good at that."

And here we were again in the middle of some intense conversation that started from nothing. From her smile she either had the same experience or she was connecting with me. Assume the first, hope for the second.

"I think that's when I’m the best teacher and enjoy it the most. When I get lost in what I'm doing. Because teaching first grade is a lot of embarrassing moments strung together. Forget the singing and dancing in class. I was at a gas station at seven am in a fairy costume." The roll of her eyes emphasized how ridiculous she thought the situation.

I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "Both our jobs are a little ridiculous."

"I think you win." We both snickered. “I read or saw something about Evans and Hemsworth between takes cracking up because they were two men dressed up as superheroes. Just looking at each other and laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. I love blooper and gag reels for those moments."

"It's a lot of fun." I was still playing with the strand of hair I’d tucked behind her ear. "Do you usually straighten out your waves?" The question stung. I hadn’t known her long enough to know the answer.

"I shower when I get home from the gym. It's a mess in the morning and easier to do this than fix the mess. The shorter it is the curlier it is. I like the waves, but I like how soft it is like this. I like running my fingers through."

"Yeah? Me too."

I didn't even try to resist the urge to kiss her. I wouldn't have succeeded anyway. I caught her smile as I got closer and smiled too. I tangled my fingers in her hair with the first brush of lips. I was neither surprised by nor displeased with the touch of her tongue against my lips. I let her control and deepen the kiss, letting her take what she wanted. When she moved away, I drug my hand from her hair to her cheek, my thumb caressing her soft skin. I stayed close and kissed her softly before settling back with her tucked against me again.

We sat in silence for several minutes. I wasn't thinking of anything. I was staying completely in the moment. There was so much soak in. A gentle tug of her fingers brought my attention to her, "You ready to go?"

I nodded and stood up. A few feet onto the path she bumped my hip with hers, "Race ya'."

I was all in, but looked at her feet, "You're not wearing the shoes for this."

She didn't break eye contact as she took off her shoes, letting them dangle from her fingers. "Ready?" she squatted down. "Set." She took off and yelled over her shoulder, "Go!"

"You cheat!" I took off after her laughing.

Shit, she's fast. Not so fast I can't catch her, but she's fast. I waited until we were about halfway back to the CRV before I crept up on her, "I'm coming for you.” She put on a little more speed, but I went past her. I yelled, "You cheat!" again when she grabbed onto my shirt. I started laughing so hard it slowed me down and Emma went past me. I got close enough to wrap my arm around her waist and haul her back against my hip, "Gotcha."

Emma kicked her feet, trying to get away, "Who's cheating now?"

I brought her in front of me, wrapping both arms around her middle, and lifting her off her feet, "Never said I didn't cheat." She waved her arms and legs in front of us. I laughed and held her tighter. "Stop or I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you."

A very indignant voice said, "You will not."

I put her down, took her by the shoulders to turn her around, and looked at her with a quirked eyebrow.

Emma put her hands on her hips defiantly. So intimidating. Covering her hands with mine I beat over and stood back up with her folded over my shoulder. Her hands went to my hips and I could tell she was holding herself up. "Sebastian."

I started walking, "Emiliana"

"People can see."

"No, they can't. It's dark." I glanced to the side. Not sure if they can see, but a few are looking. I kept walking.

"I’m going to grab your ass."

"I'll spank you."

"Tease." She dropped down, relaxing against my back.

"You started it." I punched in the code and walked to the other side, putting her down the same way I'd picked her up.

Emma's hands went to the back of my neck, stopping me from completely standing up. She gave me a smacking kiss tinged with a laugh, "You're fun." Her arms tightened around my neck in a hug.

I learned from her previous next-to-the-car compliment and just said, "Thank you" and hugged her close.

Inside Emma's place she let go of my hand and pointed toward the ground. "I'm going to go wash my feet." She held one up and it was filthy.

"I'll be right up." I gave her a quick kiss and headed to the refrigerator for a bottle of water. I could hear the water running in the tub when I got upstairs. I busied myself shoving clothes back in my bag, plugging in my phone charger, and turning down the bed.

Emma came out of the bathroom and walked to her side of the bed. We stood there looking at each other. I reached over my head to grab my shirt and pull it over my head. Emma's eyes ran over my chest before she lifted her shirt. I returned the favor and checked her out while undoing the button and zipper on pants. I dropped them to floor, leaving me in only my boxer briefs.

Emma swallowed hard and pointed in the direction of my hips, "Nice thighs."

"Thanks." Her skirt fell to the ground leaving her in matching pink, what looked to be silk or satin, bra and panties. "Ooof." I pointed all over, "Nice... everything."

"Thanks."

I reached for my briefs at the same time she went for her bra. I crawled into bed while she removed her last bit of clothing. I stretched out, waiting for her. She scooted up right next to me and I ran my hand from her naked hip to side of her breast, my eyes taking in all of her. "You're fucking amazing."

My statement wasn’t aggressive. I was in quiet awe and I barely recognized my own voice. I meant more than her body. Everything about her. The more I learn the more I want her.

Before she could respond my mouth was on hers, covering her lips with soft kisses. She moaned with the first touch of my tongue and pulled me closer. The feel of her hands on my back, her nails tickling my skin, had me craving more. I scooted down her body, teasing her nipple with my tongue. Hard to know if it was my hands or mouth she liked more. She arched her back into the contact and drug her fingers over my scalp.

"You made me feel so good." Her body shuddered with the tugging of my teeth. "How do I ask for more in Romanian?"

I kissed lower on her belly, "Mai mult." I braced for what she was about to do to me.

"Mai mult, Sebasti-an."

Lightning bolt straight down my spine that branched out to my chest and cock. "Orice vrei, iubito." I placed a wet kiss on her hip before translating what I'd said. "Anything you want, baby." I wiggled into the space between her legs that she'd made for me. Tonight's discovery was that a sucking kiss on her inner thigh, mere inches from goal made her squirm and gasp. I spent a good bit of time testing how far up and away from her cut line the reaction went. The length was sensual and got me jerks and shivers, but it was inner thigh even with her vagina, barely a finger width away from the cut line that really worked. It was the perfect place where I could kiss and touch at the same time. I wanted to leave a mark there, mark her as mine. I wouldn't without her permission, put I wanted to. Very cave man of me, but tonight wasn't cave man. I lifted her leg over my shoulder, sliding my hand under her. I squeezed her ass, pulling her up while my other hand made soft strokes down her inner thigh to ease it to the side. I liked working to get her legs apart. I used soft touches and firm strokes. I wasn't going to grope her like a teenager in heat, unless we were playing that game.

She liked the foreplay and stimulation. I was happy to give. I liked watching her respond to me. I get off on it too. It’s not always this way, but Emma's pleasure is a primary goal for me. I want to be a good lover so she'll crave me the way I do her. I know she does by the way she comes done under my touch.

Tonight, was for slow. I went down on her, leaving wet kisses on pink skin and using my fingers to pulse inside her. Every so often I replaced my fingers with my tongue and got a deep taste of her. It took a few minutes to get her clit into the game. It needed some coaxing to come out of hiding, but then Emma liked firm contact there. I alternated between open mouthed teasing licks and gentle sucking and vibrating. Sometimes a mix of all three. I slid my thumb inside her, her slickness easing the way. I rubbed along her as I licked her, my thumb repeatedly entering her and my middle finger skating over her other entrance. After one or two passes I looked up to her, "Tell me to stop."

Her response, "Mai mult, Sebasti-an."

More.

I kept up the movement until I could tell she was getting close. No surprises. I ran my finger over her a few times before gentle pushing inside her. Emma slammed her hands on the bed, her head canting back, and she absolutely screamed my name. Not said, not yelled... screamed. She arched off the bed then collapsed. I could see her thighs shaking.

I felt like a god.

Giving her time to come down, I slowly kissed my way up her body. I wanted her with me for the next part, not comatose. By the time I got to her neck her arms were around me with her hands on my ass.

Emma hooked her leg around my calf, “Condoms. Nightstand.”

I looked beside the bed, there were two. “Which one?”

“Both.” She stretched up to kiss me.

I pressed my body against hers, trapping my cock between us, and reaching for the nearest nightstand. When I went to my knees, she followed me. Her hands caressed my stomach and side while she kissed my chest. I worked around her to roll on the condom. I leaned forward and eased her back on the bed. Before her head hit the pillow, I was pushing inside her. She felt so warm and good wrapped around me. I stopped when I was deep in her to savor the feeling.

A smile crept slowly over Emma’s face and she put her hands on my face, stroking down to my shoulders. I returned the smile and started moving. Her hips met mine stroke for long slow stroke. I dropped my head to her shoulder, “I want this to last.” 

I don’t think I was talking just about the sex.

And last it did. We went from a slow steady missionary to a crazy sexy her on top. The way she moved, danced, with me inside her was something I wanted to memorize. I loved watching her stomach tighten with each stroke and way she went from smiling to biting her lip to her breath catching. Her fingers rested on my stomach and moved with her rhythm. I kept my hands on her thighs and watched for as long as I could. When I knew I couldn’t take much more I sat up and wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight to me. My hands were splayed high and low on her back to make sure she stayed close. She moved her legs where her feet were on the bed by my hips. Her legs squeezed my sides as tight as her arm around my shoulders held me, her other arm draped over my shoulder and her hand was in my hair. Movement was small and slow as we kissed. It was all I needed. I could feel her wrapped all around me. I buried my face in the crook of her neck and held her down on me, fighting for breath as the orgasm took me.

I fell back on the bed taking her with me. Emma kissed my neck making me shiver. “Good god.”

She huffed out a breath, “Umm, yeah.”

We stayed wrapped around each other until I started to go soft and slip out of her. She pushed onto hands and knees, climbing out of the bed. “Condom.”

I pulled it off and handed it off to her. I rolled to my side to watch her walk to the bathroom. I fussed with the bed and lifted the covers when she came back. A few seconds later we were cuddled up on our sides, arms and legs tangled together. We kissed lazily, enjoying the “fifteen minutes” after the high. Exactly like I’d said earlier, there was something good about letting the physical and emotional sink in.

This was heavy on the emotional.  I can’t tell you why it was different, or even really how, but it was. At the end when I could feel her wrapped all around me, it wasn’t just physical. I could FEEL her wrapped all around me. Yet, another part of this day I didn’t want to leave behind. I know it’s been a fucking week and I know it’s new and exciting. I know, I know, I know. But it’s good and I like it. We talked about it being crazy to think we were falling for each other so fast. It is crazy! A really good kind of crazy. And what am I supposed to do pretend I don’t know or push away the feelings? That seems really, really stupid. I’d be missing some incredible stuff. Really stupid. So, there’s the choice. I either just enjoy this and feel all of what I know is happening and let it do its thing, or I don’t. Guess which I’m picking?

I stopped the endless kissing that had been going on and ran my fingers over her cheek, “Just so you know. The matching bra and panties was getting closer to my Fantasy Friday.”

Her smile would have busted through any lies I was trying to tell myself. “Why don’t you go ahead and tell me.”

I gave her a side eye like I was considering not. “I have a thing for strings.”

“Strings?”

I pursed my lips and nodded, “Like corsets. Garters. Things I can play with and have to figure how to get you out of.”

She made a noncommittal, “Hmph”.

“You into fantasy fulfillment?”

“I’m into whatever’s going to make you smile.”

I felt that all the ways to my toes. “Emma . . .” I sighed and shook my head, smiling. “You make me smile.”

[allelitefics]

Your Past... Pt 2.

Characters: Jon Moxley x reader (OFC)

Summary: He was your best friend for the longest time, and now he’s reemerged in your life. All the feelings you once had start to resurface. It gets complicated.

Warnings:  borderline infidelity.

Categories: eventual smut, fluff, angst - again all the good stuff

The night was coming to an end, Brandi invited you out at the end of the show to go get drinks with some of the roster and you could honestly use it after taking a trip down memory lane. A terrible, horrible, trip down memory lane. And now all you wanted to do was avoid Jon, because you could feel yourself feeling how awful he made you feel after things ended. Unfortunately for you, he wasn't wanting to avoid you.

"Hey" he said approaching your area. You were almost done cleaning your makeup brushes. Once you packed everything up the crew would transport everything to the next location. "Hey" you said with a smile to him. "Mind if I sit?" he asks. "Go ahead." "Ouch, you not looking at me brings back memories." You shake your head and let out a laugh, "Seriously Jon?" you say. He laughs when he see's your smile, "Sorry. Last time I saw you in person.. it sucked." You nodded, "Yeah it did, didn't it." "Yeah..I question myself all the time if I did the right thing." You glance at him, "You're married." you say matter of factly. "Heh.. yeah." he says hesitantly. "Trouble in paradise?" you ask, did you care though? you thought to yourself. "For a while, but I don't want to bore you with that. How's Brian?" he asks raising an eyebrow at you. You lean against the table to face Jon. "That ended 6 months ago." "Damn.. I'm sorry." But he wasn't. "How do you know about Brian?" you ask. "Instagram." he says shrugging.

Your phone goes off, it's a text from Brandi asking where you were. "Oh shit." you say out loud. "Whats up?" "Brandi asked if I would go out tonight, can you give me a ride?" you ask then smile cutely at him. "Oh yeah, I was supposed to be there too. Yeah of course I'll give you a ride dummy." he says with a smirk. You smack his arm, damn has he gotten bigger since the last time you saw him, in a very good way. He laughs at you and looks at you ...he looks at you the way he used to look at you and it makes your heart race. "You all done here?" he asks. You nod your head, then bed over to grab your purse, and yep his eyes are all over you. All he can think about his grabbing you from behind and fucking your brains out. "Fuck" he says under his breath. You stand up and turn around to look at him and you almost laugh at him. "Did I say that out loud?" he says, he's flirting and you know it. "Yeah you did." you say. "You look really good." he says gesturing. You look to the side, "Thanks."

You walk in silence till you reach his rental. He opens the car door for you, "Aw thanks" you said and he laughs. "You always made me laugh." he says as you get inside. He stands in between the car and the door and looks at you and you turn back after you buckle, "Jon." you say because he's looking at you still...that look you knew all too well. "I want to kiss you so bad, y/n" You look in his eyes and get lost, "I know." you say nodding your head. He leans towards you, he's hesitant at first - things are rocky in his marriage and he's given up clearly. And then you pull him towards you and he presses his lips against yours. Your hand roams to unbuckle to the seat belt to free your body as you get out of the car and your back is against the door to the backseat of the SUV. His hands are tangled in your hair and you pull him towards you feeling him grow hard against you. He breaks the kiss and leans his forehead against yours. "Holy shit I've missed you." he whispers, then kisses you softly. You mouth won't let you say it back to him, even though you have. As long as he stayed away you never thought about him, but clearly for the last 3 years you still weighed heavily on his mind. You pull him closer one more time so that your lips touch. "We should get to that bar." you say. He steps back and nods, "Yeah good call." he says. You get back into the car and he gets in the driver seat. You pull up the address on your phone and put on the GPS. "Should I have not kissed you?" he asks after a few minutes of silence. "I..honestly don't know." you say. "I mean you're married Jon.." "But its you." he says quickly in rebuttal. "You also ended our..." you pause "friendship" for her." He sighs, "I know.." then he pauses, "I wish you told me how you honestly felt." "Would it had made a difference?" you ask. "Yeah it would have." he says almost sounding irritated. "See that's the thing, you always did that.. or I guess do that" "Do what?!" "Downplay how special you are to me. Or downplay how you feel because you don't want to be rejected. You had a relationship after me for a few years, clearly it's just me you do this with." You roll your eyes, "Don't roll your eyes." he says. Which makes you do it again. "So if I told you back then I was in love with you, you wouldn't have ran away?" "No!" "Bullshit, you were just as scared. I overheard you saying so many times to your buddies you didn't want to be locked-down." He shakes his head like he's disagreeing, and now you're 5 minutes away from this bar. "It's true Jon." "Fine I was an asshole, but all I ever wanted you to do was to be honest with me about how you felt. And you never could. So I had to let you go, and it fucking sucked." You had no words, and he pulled up and parked the car. "Thanks for the ride Jon." you say then go to get out of the car but he pulls your hand back and you're forced to look at him. He leans over and kisses you again, you give into him again and then gently push him off of you. "I can't do this with you. Not if you're still married." you say. "We're separated." he says. You almost want to laugh. But you just leave the car and head inside.

--

"There she is!" Brandi says when you approach her. "Yeah got caught up again in memory lane." Brandi then looks behind you and see's Jon coming through the door. "Did you two talk?" she asks as you order a drink from the bar. "Yeah, I don't know if i'm angry or sad or what." you say. "He told me he was separated. Which I call bullshit, I mean really you show up out of nowhere, clearly flirts with me, and then tells me that he's separated only after I told him I wouldn't basically hook up with him." Brandi's eyes widen and then she looks down to the side, "What.. what do you know?!" you persistently ask. Before she can reply to arms sneak up from around you, "Theres my favorite makeup artist." it' a line that everyone says to you..you get used to it now. You take in that heavenly scent, it was Scorpio Sky. Tall, dark, and extremely handsome. You turn around and give him an actual hug. Brandi standing there watching this interaction and she's just grinning. "You blew me off today!" you say hitting Sky's arm. "I'm sorry, you knew I would've come to see you, too much extra filming and bullshit."

Eyes on you, there were a pair of eyes on you and they were staring daggers into Sky. Jon from the other end of the bar watched you flirt with another guy and it was driving him insane.

"I'll let you two get back to your conversation. Come find me when you're done?" he asks. God is he charming, but very outspoken about not wanting to be in a relationship. You turn 30 next year, you're not wanting to be the hookup girl anymore. "Sure." you say knowing that conversation would be the same one that happens every time, he tries to convince you it'll be worth it and you laugh it off.

You turn your attention back to Brandi and you stop her before she can say anything about that interaction. "Don't! You know all he wants is a hookup." She shrugs, "Maybe just do it." she says laughing and taking a sip of her drink. You down yours, and now onto your next drink. Jon still keeping a close watch on you while another new kid from the roster picks his brain. "What were you going to say though?" you say. "Oh yeah!" she pauses, "So apparently that might be true." she says referring to Jon's separation. "How much did he pay you to say that?" you ask and she laughs. "Seriously, I still have friends over there. Word is that she cheated and now that they're not on the road together he was like fuck it." "Wow." you say...he was telling you the truth. "I guess if you're not with him 24/7 he'll just not care anymore." "I'm sure that's not what happened with you two." she says. She knew you never fully admitted your feeling to him before. "Yeah yeah.."

---

You go for your fifth drink when you see a hand take your drink before you can and you're about to give whoever it is a piece of your mind when you look over. "5 is your limit." he says. "I'm not 22 anymore, I can handle my alcohol like you." you say and then he laughs. "Have this one, but I'm cutting you off after." "Oh really?" you ask tilting your head. The alcohol made you definitely more comfortable. "Yeah really." he says with a smirk tilting his head to mock you. "What am i supposed to do after you cut me off?" you say sipping from your drink. "Let me take you back to your hotel." he says. You laugh, "I don't know Jon." He leans in and whispers into your ear, "You and I both know that we want this." he says and then kisses your neck and you melt. "Fuck" you say under your breath. "Wanna leave now?" You nod your head.

---

Everyone is usually booked at the same hotel, which made it even easier for Jon to navigate how to get there after the bar. He was glad he only had two drinks because he had been thinking about you all night. "I got really jealous when you were talking with Sky." You laugh, "Yeah, he's been trying for the past couple weeks." "He's a good looking dude." he says casually. "I know what you're trying to do.." you say. "What!" "You're trying to figure out if I've fucked him." "Have you?" he asks. "No. He's pretty outspoken about not wanting to be in a relationship. Legit all his focus is on wrestling." "And you." You shake your head, "It's whatever." and you finally pull up to the hotel. He grabs a parking spot and you get out of the car. You take his hand and go into the hotel from the back entrance.

It takes two minutes to get up to your room and it felt like the longest two minutes of your life. Once the door to your hotel room is shut your back is against the opposing wall and Jon's mouth is all over you. He pulls your shirt off of you and you do the same to him kissing each other in between clothes coming off. He's pulling your jeans down to the floor along with your panties as he drops to his knees, your body is eager as his tongue hits your core. You whimper, it's been a while since you've had sex, you needed this badly. "Fuck, get on the bed." he demands after a few minutes. You do what he says, you like this dominant side of him. You forgot how your body responded so well to it. Your back hits the bed and he can now really get a taste of you, his mouth is right back to where it was this time he sticks two fingers inside of you and you moan out. You can feel him smiling knowing he made your body react the way it did. "Fuck Jon." you moan out. You try to pull him up. "No I'm not done yet." he growls and you gets even quicker with his pace and within seconds after that you orgasm. "Oh my god" you moan out. He pulls you up and turns you over, so you're on all fours. He lines himself up with your entrance and eases himself into you. "Fucking shit" he growls as he enters you, you're so tight around him, because again it's been a while since you've had sex. He thrusts into you so hard you fall to your stomach and he remains on top of you until he wants to change positions, he flips you over again taking full control and you're on your back. He looks into your eyes when he enters you again, the moan that escapes your mouth he catches with his lips. "Goddamn you're beautiful." he says. You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him intensely, which makes him go faster and harder until you reach your next orgasm and he cums seconds later, filling you up. "Fuck shit, I didn't mean to..I just" "It's okay." you say as he exits you. "I'm on birth control." He lets out a sigh of relief. "Sorry." "It's okay." you say laughing. He lays on his back out of breath next to you and lets out a laugh as well. He looks over at you as your laughter fades, "What's wrong?" he says then he grabs your hand and brings it to his lips to kiss. You look over at him, "This whole thing just brings back a lot of memories." "Yeah..same here. I'm glad you decided you believe me." "Yeah well sources told me you weren't full of shit." "Told you." he said then rolled over to his side, he leaned over and kissed you. "Look I know this shit is crazy, but I never stopped caring about  you.. shit you know I don't use fucking social media but I checked on you all the time.." "I know." you say looking into his eyes.

He seemed truly genuine but you were afraid of what you've just gotten yourself into. Or that you became so vulnerable to him already.

You turn your head again and he can already feel you growing distant. "Don't do this to me again." he says, you quickly turn your head back. "Do what?" "You're getting distant, you're afraid. I'm not going to fuck you over...not again." "I believe you Jon." And you do believe him, you do. But your anxiety gets the best of you, you can't help but be a little timid to all of this. "But?" "No buts" you say. "There's always a but with you, but i'll take it. Come here." he says pulling you into him. He kisses your forehead. There's so much more he wants to tell you, tell you that he's loved you since you walked through the doors of CZW for training, that he never stopped loving you. But he knew it would just overwhelm you. For now, you both were going to embrace this moment. 

[justjessame]

The Deal Chapter 19

After the Governor’s defeat, our community at the prison grew and thrived. Dad and Hershel made plans to use the fertile land surrounding us for farming. Carl worked hard to go back to being “normal”. Beth found love. Daryl and Glenn managed to find peace between them, and worked together on runs and keeping up our numbers and morale.

During one run, they find a man named Bob Stookey. And another member is added to our population. Hershel, Dad, Carl, and Beth prep the land for crops as I keep Judith occupied on a blanket nearby, enjoying the sun and laughing at my brother’s attempts to become a farmer. It feels like we might have finally found IT. That elusive place that my dad kept promising.

With the aid of our new members, with the ingenuity of Hershel’s experience, and with the aid of the prison library we keep adding conveniences. Running water being the one I most enjoy. Everyone has a part to play. With my decision to make sure Judith is raised without the cloud of terror hanging over her innocent head, Dad decides the other children will be added to my self-imposed burden. I become the head of our daycare. Keeping the kids, none as young as Judith, occupied while their parents perform their own jobs.

I’m not their teacher, nor do I want to be. Instead, I am their caretaker between the classes that other adults teach. I’m in charge of their fun, reading them books, taking them on walks so they can enjoy the world that isn’t overrun by biters, and watching as they act out plays that children their age can perform. Carol takes storytime almost daily, even with my own version, and it’s then that I take Judith and rest. Classes aren’t long in the prison, but my days feel full. And I take all the pleasure I can in seeing my baby sister grow and my baby brother find himself outside of the blood and gore that was overtaking his existence.

Michonne and Daryl keep Carl in comic books, every run seemingly adds to his growing collection. And Daryl keeps me in small tokens of luxury that he knows will make me smile. A bottle of sweet smelling shampoo he found in some pharmacy or lotion for myself, instead of the baby scented bottles we keep for Judith and the other children. He offers each tiny gift with that smile that I’ve grown to love so much. And then, late at night, after each member of our community has closed the curtains and blankets that we call doors, he and I slip away to our own spot. Far away from the others, in a section that actually has a real door, we can take our time with one another. Even nights that have no moon to shine through the tiny window of the area we’ve made our home, in darkness we can find one another. Because at night, Dad takes over the care of Judith, and Daryl takes care of me.

Every time a new person or group appears to seek refuge with our group, my dad asks three questions. The answers are important, but more so the inflection that these newcomers answer each becomes tantamount to our safety. “How many walkers have you killed? How many people? Why?” I rarely witness these interactions. Keeping Judith away from anyone who hasn’t been vetted, who hasn’t been deemed safe, is my sole responsibility. Even if Carol has taken her to play or if Beth has her as an audience for one of her solo performances. I find my baby sister, and I keep her hidden away. Sometimes, I have to hide for longer than I’d care to, forced to neglect my duties to the other children, as Daryl, Dad, Hershel, and our other leaders take their time to decide on these newly arrived people. In the end, it’s worth it. Keeping her safe, away from eyes that would see her as a weakness or a target keeps me busy. And once the decision is made, my routine returns to normal, until the next influx.

Carol found comfort in a new relationship. A man with two daughters, Lizzie and Mika, and who has to be locked in his cell nightly because of sleepwalking. Ryan Samuels, a nice man who seems to treat his daughters and Carol well. I’m happy for her. She takes up the job of head chef and seems to enjoy the storytime she started, which she’s earned. The peace, the quiet, and the comfort. After Ed, and then the loss of Sofia, Carol deserves any happiness she finds.

I watch these new people, their ways and their actions, making sure that no one got past Dad’s questions by accident. While Dad is governing with help, I am staying clear of any role that would hand me more responsibility. I have more than enough, I think, as I watch Dad and Carl become more at ease with one another. While I watch Carl’s harsh edges start to smooth a bit, and Daryl learns to pick up more leadership than I think he’d ever considered for himself.

I laugh more now, than I have for some time. Seeing Beth fall for a boy named Zach and seeing Zach try so desperately to make himself useful. Most of my laughter comes from his insistence in trying to guess Daryl’s past life job. He tries so hard to get me to give him hints, but I shrug and chuckle. Daryl’s past doesn’t matter to me, as mine doesn’t even seem real to me now. Carol still teases my love every chance she gets, calling him “Pookie” or reminding him of his sweetness, in full view of all the people who have a trace of hero worship for my sweet man.

He’s gone back to hunting, without me since I've become a full-time parent to my sister. And Daryl’s aim is forever true, bringing back a big game that half our community had never enjoyed, not even in the before that most of us know better than to mention. I find myself laughing at the people who rush to thank him, that want to shake his hand, because the look on Daryl’s face, a mixture of awkwardness and incredulousness will forever make me laugh. He doesn’t see himself the way they do, he can’t even seem to see himself the way I do.

After Michonne comes back from a supply run alone, with nothing more than comic books for Carl’s growing collection, I know that a real run will need planning. And, as soon as that thought flashes, I know that Daryl will go. He always does. And now, after going through all that we have so far, he doesn’t fight me on the goodbyes I have to say. On the closeness I need to feel before he leaves me. Because, seeing Merle die at his hands, he knows as clearly as I do, that it doesn’t always end the way we want it to.

Maggie is scheduled for the next run, but I watch as Glenn takes her spot, and feel like I should find her. Make sure she’s alright, that she isn’t sick or- The thought rushes through me and I close my eyes. I have time, before Daryl leaves and before I have to get to work, so I run to Maggie and Glenn’s “room”. “Hey?” I offer Judith bouncing on my hip. Maggie smiles up at me from her seat on the bed. “I saw that Glenn’s taking your spot, wanted to be sure you’re ok.”

I can see the blush burn on her cheeks and bite my lip. “I’m fine.” Her accent is thicker when she’s embarrassed or any of her emotions are higher. “He’s a worrywart.”

She slides over so I can sit, and she reaches for Judith letting my arms have a break. “Does he have reason to be a worrywart?” I ask, since we’ve settled in the prison, Maggie and I have become closer. We’re basically the same age, and she was there when Lori-

I watch her studying my baby sister, taking her time to answer. “Not yet.” Her answer is quiet, and I understood. Those extra condoms that I’d overhead them bantering about at the farm were long gone. And they’re married now. It’s just a matter of time.

“Are you-” I stop, wondering if it’s my place to even feel curious. Would I, if we weren’t surrounded by the hellscape we were in, be asking the same thing of a friend? Feeling sure I would, I go on. “Are y’all trying?”

She squints at Judith’s button nose, considering my question. “We aren’t NOT trying.” And I have to giggle, which makes her own slip out. “I don’t know, Jessi, I see this little one and I think why not? But then I remember-”

Covering her hand with mine, I nod. We’ll both always remember how Judith came into this world as Lori went out. “Just let me know, when you are, trying, I mean.” I wink at her and stand. Holding out my arms so she can hand Judith over. “I have to go say goodbye, see Daryl off.” Kissing Judith’s soft head absently. “Come find me if you need company. All those kids need more distracting than I can come up with.”

My day, after kissing Daryl with more passion than I think his run mates cared to witness and forcing out the familiar promises on both sides, went along the well worn routine that I’d begun when routines became real again. I kept the kids occupied between classes, and felt so much pressure off my shoulders when Carol relieves me for storytime. Taking Judith for a long nap, for both of us, I woke up to Carl looking like he was ready to throw up, standing in the cell that I used during the day.

“What’s going on?” I ask, fear creeping in. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Judith was awake too, sitting in her crib playing with the toys that kept being found during runs.

Looking around us, he asked if we could take Judith for a walk. And I knew, whatever he was about to tell me was bad news. Carl took Judith in his arms and we walked out of the building and down to the fence, away from prying ears. And there, rocking Judith in his arms, getting as much calm from her sweetness as I did, he told me that Carol’s storytime wasn’t exactly what Dad and the others thought it was. That Carol, the consummate mother and quiet one, was teaching the kids how to weld and use knives. Closing my eyes, letting Carl tell me that she was fucking TRAINING children in the art of killing, I felt that fear that I thought I’d over come come creeping back in harder, with longer tentacles and that it was wrapping around me once again.

And here, away from the crowds of our population, away from the pig family that Dad and Carl had built a pen for, away from the walkers that were crowding around one part of the fence, I knew without a doubt that our world wasn’t nearly as safe as we wanted it to be. And, a snide part of my brain reminded me, it never would be.

[theywanttea]

Growing Pains (pt. I)

June 14, 15:02

I was 21 and I was in love. It was all rainbows and butterflies. I knew I was going to marry him. We did everything together; graduating uni, jobseeking in the bustling capital, learning how to safely take public transport around the big city. It was my first adult relationship. We grew together and it was only right that we stayed together. Forever.

That all changed three years later.

I remember the first time I saw him. It was orientation week and all the freshmen were instructed to wear a costume that they felt represented our major the most — international relations. I’m kind of dull and I probably still am, so I wore a pantsuit. You know, because diplomats. Most of the other freshmen wore a suit, too. It was a safe choice and I didn’t want to stand out.

Not him, though. He came as Che Guevara, complete with the silver star beret and military uniform and boots. I thought it was corny and I cringed. He probably thought he looked so cool as Che Guevara.

Over the next few years, he made a name for himself as the cool kid. He was funny and witty - his jokes often bordered on offensive but everyone still laughed anyway. He was easygoing and athletic, and this made him popular among both male and female students alike.

I don’t remember any other student who disliked him as much as I did. I hated his offensive jokes. I hated how he made fun other students. I hated the way he talked. I really couldn’t see why everyone loved him so much. I don’t know why I didn’t like him; I just didn’t. Maybe the Che Guevara costume ticked me off.

So I tried my best to steer clear of him. I went out of my way to have little to no interaction with him.

Unfortunately, his best friend started dating my best friend and roommate, so I would bump into him outside of campus grounds. His best friend would often pick up my best friend for lunch, and he’d be there in the car. I would attend a birthday party my best friend threw for her boyfriend, and of course he’d be there. We’d never talk to each other, we wouldn’t even greet one another. But I’d steal glances at him across the room, and every time I did so, I would catch him staring at me. It was weird.

Fast forward to three years later, we were both single and our best friends were still dating each other.

“Good luck on your thesis defense tomorrow,” he told me in a WhatsApp message. I don’t know how he got my number because I don’t seem to remember giving it to him.

“Thanks,” I replied.

A week later, it was his turn. So I thought I should return the favor.

“Hey, you remembered. Thanks,” he replied. “So what are you up to now that you’ve basically graduated?”

We texted all night. He was 2 minutes late to his thesis defense the next day, but that’s okay - he did well. I told him I had been doing nothing but binge-watching my favorite series.

Then we started calling each other. Then we started getting lunch together.

Then all of a sudden, we started dating. I was 21 and I was in love. It was all rainbows and butterflies.

Like a true adult relationship, we’d go on dates after office hours. My office was in the western part of the city, his was in central. We’d meet each other halfway, mostly in the south. We’d talk about our day over dinner and he would take me home to my rented room. He’d pick me up on weekends and we’d go on movie dates. Sometimes, we’d just watch movies at my place. It was nice. It was comfortable. It was easy.

One day, he told me that his parents wanted to meet my parents. He said that he wanted to ask them for my hand in marriage. I was nervous and he was anxious, but the meeting of the parents went well. We agreed that the marriage would take place the following year. I was 24 and I was going to get married.

But that all changed a week later.

We were watching a movie at my rented room like we always did. It was late, so he was getting ready to leave. As always, he would lean in for a kiss before leaving.

But this time, something was different. He was aggressive. He was being rough and I was scared. He grabbed me and pinned me down. He kept kissing me but I didn’t kiss him back. I was trying to wriggle myself out of his hold but I couldn’t. He overpowered me.

Everything happened so fast. I screamed “no” and “stop”, but he kept going. He covered my mouth and forced himself on me. I cried. I sobbed. I laid down in horror and pain.

When he was done, he hugged me as I continued to cry. He returned to being the gentle and caring person I knew him to be.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “Did it hurt?”

We had done it before, but not like this. He had never forced himself on me. It never hurt before.

I said nothing and I continued to cry. I had no idea what had just happened. Did he rape me? That’s not possible, we’re dating. You can’t get raped by your boyfriend. Can you? We’ve done it before, so this is fine. Right?

He kissed my forehead and went home. I didn’t sleep that night. I didn’t move. I kept replaying what had happened over and over in my head. When morning came, I finally moved to lie on my back. Before I could stop myself, I started sobbing and I didn’t really know why.

We never talked about what happened. I never told anyone because I was worried that people would tell me it was my fault.

That night was the last night I let him - or anyone, for that matter - touch me.

Weeks later, I received a scholarship to study in the Belgium. We put wedding talks on hold and I headed off to Europe. He cried. I bawled. He told me he'd miss me and asked me to keep in touch. I promised I'd call him every night.

For a while, I kept my promise. I'd make time to call him. We Skyped and I showed him my room, but he was never interested. He would always ask me to take off my clothes, which I never did. It made me uncomfortable. I was annoyed that all he seemed to be interested in was seeing me naked, so I stopped calling and I stopped picking up his calls.

Maybe it was the distance, or maybe it was being exposed to other people and other ideas that had always been foreign to me, but I started thinking about what had happened that night.

One day, I told my friends about it. I felt comfortable telling them because they didn't know him and I felt that they would not have any moral prejudice towards me, as they came from different countries. This was the first time I had told anyone about it. They immediately told me that it was unacceptable. They told me it was abuse. They told me that I should not be married to a man that had forced himself on me. They told me it could happen again.

"It doesn't matter what country you're from," I remember one of my friends telling me. "Rape is rape, and rape is wrong."