#so he’s like hm ok let’s give it a review. within an hour and a half of listening to him I have the entire thing completely learned

[7waystreet]

tongue at work | jeon jungkook

synopsis — your boyfriend jungkook surprises you at work with a little more than a cup of coffee on his mind

genre — fluff; smut

warnings — 18+ language and sexual content, oral sex (fem receiving)

word count — 1.6k

After a terribly exhausting work day, you're finally about to log off of your computer and head out of the office. A feeling of excitement taking over, you secretly smile to yourself as you're looking forward to the fancy Italian dinner Jungkook's planned for the two of you tonight.

An unexpected knock on your office door quickly shakes you out of your happy thoughts though. "Come on in!"

The door swiftly swings open and your colleague Keya walks in, a look of pain and panic very evident on her face as she deeply frowns at you. Your brows furrow while you questioningly look at her, not sure what she's about to tell you, but you're undoubtedly getting a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach.

"Our manager just sent back these revised docs and said we have to finalize this proposal today itself before we go home. I'm so sorry (y/n)! I know it's your anniversary with your boyfriend."

Your heart immediately sinks from how upset you're feeling now, but you really have no other option than to suck it up and deal with this.

"It's not your fault!" you force a smile at Keya. "Here, give me the docs. I'll call you when I'm done so you can review the finalized proposal and send out the report."

After Keya apologetically hands you the folder and closes the door shut behind her, you let out a deep sigh as you flop back down in your spinning chair. You decide to call Jungkook right away and update him on the situation so he doesn't get disheartened at the very last minute.

"Hey Koo," you start off soft, mumbling out of the guilt that's burning at your throat. "I'm really sorry but it looks like we'll have to cancel our plans for tonight. My boss just dumped a shit ton of work on me so I won't be able to make it to the restaurant in time for our reservation."

"Ahh… ok," Jungkook lets out a faint sigh. You can tell he's disappointed from his tone, but he tries his best to sound cheerful to keep you motivated. "Please don't worry, I understand. Make sure you stay focused on your work instead of worrying about this, ok?"

"Hm thanks for that, really. What would I do without you?" you smile, your heart warming up at his reassuring words.

"You certainly wouldn't be able to moan the way you do when I fuck you good" he casually chuckles, now making you imagine him smirking on the other end of the line.

"Jeon Jungkook!" you exclaim, fully blushing, as you're completely caught off guard by his blunt remark.

Your boyfriend can surely be the sweetest guy one minute, and then flip into a tempting devil within the blink of an eye. It's almost overwhelming to be with him sometimes as the constant butterflies in your stomach never cease to exist, making him far too dangerous for your heart, but you know you'll never be able to get enough of him.

Dirty thoughts about Jungkook float around in your mind even after you've said your goodbyes and ended the call, but you force yourself to shake them off as you need to get back to completing your work.

About an hour later you drift off after letting out a yawn, lazily rubbing your eyes in an attempt to still somewhat stay alert. You're certainly starting to get tired and losing your focus, but your ears perk up when you hear a knock on your door again. Thinking it's Keya coming back with a question, you say "Come in!" while straightening up your slouching body in the chair.

Your eyes grow wide with shock and your lips instantly shoot up in a grin as your eyes fall on Jungkook, who's pushing open the door with the edge of his shoulder as both of his hands are occupied by the two cups he's holding.

"Thought I'd surprise you with your favorite strawberry acai refresher for a boost of energy" Jungkook smiles at you, his doe eyes twinkling with love as he gently places both cups down on your desk before coming over to you.

"Aww I'm so happy to see you" you can't help but openly gush, now standing up and instantly wrapping your arms around his torso.

Jungkook looks perfect as always as he looks down at you and flashes his bunny smile, those pretty wrinkles cutely forming around the corners of his eyes like they always do. He smells like crisp fresh laundry while he's comfy in a matching dark gray sweat set, his black hair wavier than usual and slightly messy as it's getting quite long.

"Happy anniversary babe" he smiles into the kiss while cupping your cheeks with the soft palms of his hands, making a loud mwah sound as he smooches your lips.

"Happy anniversary, Kook. I'm sorry it couldn't be perfect" you say in a low voice, still feeling bad about how your special night had turned out to be, all because of you.

"Hey shhh!" he adorably groans while placing a finger on your lips to hush you up. "Now stop it. It's perfect as long as we're together. Is it cool if I chill out here while you finish your work?"

Jungkook gets settled on the couch in your office, turning on his iPad and browsing through his usual favorite videos to watch, most of them being boxing or workout routines, and the random sprinkle of cooking recipes here and there. He never fails to amuse you. It's like he can do it all.

You keep getting distracted from your tasks as your eyes unknowingly drift towards Jungkook, his irresistible sight captivating you against your own will. He's comfortably flopped on the couch, your mind wanting you to throw away all the paperwork in front of you and instead run over to Jungkook and cuddle up next to him. He catches you staring as he looks over his screen at the same time, a smirk immediately forming on his thin lips as he raises a brow.

"Whatcha lookin' at?"

"Oh you know, just my sexy boyfriend."

"Well, why don't you take a lil break and spend some time with him?"

The enticing look he's given you now along with the whisper of his voice in the quiet office space makes your heart skip a full beat. He's already thrown his iPad to the side and gotten up, walking over to you as you sit there nervously, refusing to break your eye contact with him.

"No, stay seated" he orders you when you try to stand up and get closer to him, his voice deepening up by the second.

"Kook — my God! What're you doing?!" you gasp as you see him slowly get down on his knees in front of you, his eyes hungrily fixed on your skirt that looks even shorter than it is, being scrunched up from the way you've been sitting for hours.

"Having dessert before dinner" he smiles, quickly glancing up at you while his hands start pushing your skirt up to reveal your black lace panties underneath. "Now just relax."

He doesn't even give you a chance to speak, his nimble thumbs now hooking onto your panties before he slides them off with ease. His wet mouth is already pressed against your lower lips, his tongue licking a strip over your folds as he gets a taste of you.

"Mmm" he hums against your sensitive skin, the vibration of it all sending a shiver down your spine. "I could never have enough of you, baby."

You begin whimpering from the pleasure, his tongue fully at work as he circles it over your clit with a pace, then softly kissing it after to give you a second to breathe. He keeps eating you out, making your legs shake from how good he's making you feel, your eyes closing up tight to take the overwhelming sensation in. He soon crawls a bit closer, his head now entirely between your thighs, his muscular forearms holding your legs down to stop you from squirming around.

Just then, your office door abruptly swings open and Keya barges in without a warning, already starting to talk with you while too busy staring down at a file in her hand.

"Hey (y/n)… what do you think about this section of the proposal? Uh… are you ok?"

You're lucky Jungkook is tucked underneath your desk and Keya can't see what the fuck you're both up to in your office, his body perfectly hidden behind the desk from any line of sight. Your face muscles are no doubt looking strained as you're trying to hide the fact that Jungkook's tongue is indeed playing around with your clit while your clueless colleague is directly staring you in the face.

"Yup, I'm just… great. Can I call you in later? Got to deal with…. something. Ah… uh first" you struggle to speak out basic words, Jungkook no doubt enjoying this moment as he picks up the pace of his mouth to make you shudder even more. He could literally be the devil.

Keya suspiciously nods at you before she turns around and leaves the room, you finally being able to let out a big breath as your chest rapidly heaves from the fast approaching orgasm that Jungkook's mouth is giving you. A simple "fuck" escapes you as your body tenses up and you cum onto his mouth, a pulsing burn of joy spreading through your veins while Jungkook happily licks you clean and peeks his head back out from underneath your skirt.

"Feeling relaxed?" he smirks, getting up on his feet and leaning into your face, making you taste yourself as he passionately kisses you.

"We almost got caught!" you giggle at the way he's so unabashedly unafraid.

"What's life without a little bit of thrill?"

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

Ok so this week has been crazy busy but also one of my professors was out this week and instead of canceling we had two other professors step in (one for each class) and it was. So much more beneficial. Like incredibly so. My acting class got together and we’re like so like is it just me or do we all wish this guy was permanent?

[ji-yaaan]

@kendal0ksw Asks: Anyway... I would like to request a sweet honey milk tea of Deuce, Azul, and Malleus (being called Tsunotaro) with a male Yuu kissing their hand. And when asked why he responds that 1. they looked like they needed a little distraction from whatever was troubling them and 2. to show how much they care about them. Hope this is alright...

𝑨 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒈𝒐 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚

Headcannons with: Malleus, Deuce, & Azul

Note: Someone pls shoot me I don't know how to write 3 repetitive scenarios w/o making it boring asf. So with request that has similar patterns per character, I figured Headcannons would work? I hope it's ok. I tried making imagines but it looked boring... OH! But I added my short Azul scenario as compensation. Blergh enough chitchat I'm thirstea.

[ 𝙷𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝙱𝚘𝚋𝚊 𝚝𝚎𝚊 𝚖𝚢 𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍... ]

-ˋˏ•𝑴𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒖𝒔 𝑫𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒊𝒂•ˎˊ-

After a long day of being avoided being the infamous “Malleus Draconia” this fae gets tired from the attention he draws and the lack of attention he gets.

Dealing with Dorm duties, People constantly fearing him for nothing, people approaching him to pry information *cough Rook cough* and to not even get an invite in dorm leader meetings? This just gives him a bit of a headache.

He will probably flee to his room when things get a little bit out of hand and he needs some of that good relaxation time.

Resting his head on the bed. Eyes slowly close. The atmosphere relaxing as breaths slow down. "Welcome back Tsunotaro!" You cheerfully exclaimed.

What? Nani? What in the world? Was he that distracted to not notice you in the room this whole time? Expect yourself a O.O face from you local fae.

"Hmm? I didnt notice you were there Y/n..." Even if your lovely Malleus is shocked, He will still gently smile at you. Eyes narrowing, an endearing smile appears in his face everytime he looks at you.

Slowly, your hands would make it's way to creep in his hands. Bingo! Hand holding complete!

Ok! Time for mission number 2! After a tight clasp on Malleus' fingers, you brought your face close to the hands you held dear, and gave the fae a small kiss at the back of his hands.

As if the shock earlier wasn't enough, The fae's eyes widens in surprise yet again. Malleus definitely doesn't get your behavior at times..... But it's not like he hates it... In fact, He loves it...( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

A warm giddy smile paint your face. How infectious... A smile that can melt all your troubles away within a hitch of a second. Malleus can't help but smile ear to ear with the endearing gestures he received.

"But why would you even kiss my hand?" The fae questions in laughter. "Well, you looked pretty troubled today and I dont really know how to help... So I thought that a small kiss will do the trick!"

"You know how much I care about you right?" The answer Malleus got was something priceless. His heart felt warm and fuzzy hearing that someone cares for him. There really was never a dull moment with you.

Expect a little tint of flushed pink in the fae's cheeks for a brief moment. But gotta look close! Malleus won't show it, but he's blushy wushy and melting all over!

Tsunotaro is not much of the type to get the receiving end but he's still very thankful you did this for him uwu.

Expect malleus to give you a kiss on your hand in return too! He can't help but want to share the feeling he got when you kissed his! ^~^

-ˋˏ•𝑫𝒆𝒖𝒄𝒆 𝑺𝒑𝒂𝒅𝒆•ˎˊ-

Finishing the last lesson of Alchemy class, Spade boi is exhausted. Using too much braincells is not his forte, but he still needs to grind to get to the honor roll!

He will probably stay in the classroom for a bit and study some of the history materials and alchemy reviewers for the test tommorow... Oops, our cutie fell asleep while writing down his notes.

You walk your way to the classroom because you forgot something. But surprise surprise, it seems like the something you forgot is actually a person, not a belonging...ಠωಠ

You peeked at deuce sleeping soundly with his head resting on the desk. You laughed at how cute he looked sleeping with his mouth open.

He didn't even spare time to take off his lab coat. He must be exhausted huh?Worried by deuce, staying for a bit won't be a crime right?

While reading, somehow, your eyes wanders off to his hands that fell off the desk while he grunted "five more minutes." Wow, sleeping deuce is probably one of the best deuce out there huh? You laughed to yourself.

Maybe it was because of boredom, maybe even from worry, or maybe its just because you simply wanted to do it. But you started to intertwine your fingers with deuce... WoaH...

Smiling at how comfortable it was to hold his hands. You prop your face to kiss his fingers. Chu~♡

"Uhhhmmm....." Oh... You got caught redhanded... Deuce wakes up to find you holding his hands... furthermore, YOU WERE KISSING IT! How embarrassing...(O////O)

Looking up at Deuce, You see a red tomato flushed boy. His cheeks up to his ears are painted pink from embarassment.

"Ahaha... Good morning... Oh wait... Good afternoon." Deuce will look away from you bashfully... How embarrassing for him... But face it, this is such a treat for you.

"You know... You've been awfully dazed and troubled these days... Please take take a break too... It's bad if you keep sleeping in random places! I care about you a lot and I don't want to see you stressed ok?"

Deuce was left astounded with the heartwarming speech you gave him... He felt butterflies flew in his stomach, like flowers bloomed inside his heart. Truly touching words...

Spade boi will smile gently at you, pink cheeks like powder blush, and eyes that sparkled Joy.

Expect this boi to grab your hands and put them in his pockets, saying "If taking a break is ok... Then this is ok right? Let's stay like this for a little bit longer... Ok?"

He'll look away in the other direction, propping his other hand and resting his head on it. If you look closely... A delicious red blush can be seen in his neck and ears too!

“Even if Riddle were to scold us, i think it will be worth it”♡♡♡♡♡♡

-ˋˏ•𝑨𝒛𝒖𝒍 𝑨𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒕𝒐•ˎˊ-

After a tiresome day as Mostro Lounge, the lounge closing a little later than the usual, A certain octopus is really tired and frustrated because the work got pushed back in their schedule.

As he skims through the numerous pages of parchment, octo boi let out a sigh from frustration. He has to deal with a lot of things this night....

But what he didn't expect was that you were there to brighten his night!

Have a short scenario cuz I love u ♡

Boisterous laughter. Joyful screams. Drinks spilt in the floors and tables. The lounge was getting rowdier with each passing second. Fights fuming in the other tables. Song being sung across the bars.

What's up with this chaos? Where was Jade and Floyd?.... Oh right... Azul nagged on floyd earlier this morning. He's now in his infamous bad moods leaving Jade the only responsible person azul can rely on. But Jade got his hands preoccupied with stopping fights at the moment... Dammit... This is going to be one hell of an evening.

After dealing with the chaos of Mostro Lounge's happy hour, strain and fatigue was evident just by a peek at Azul's Face.

"Haaahhhh... Dealing with those morons was a waste of time, I've still got a long night reviewing the deals and homeworks... Hah. Wonderful..." The sound of pen scratching the wood rang across the room as Azul hummed a melody trying to relieve stress...

"A.z.u.l. kun! Hello!" You happily hummed as azul got caught off guard shocked. "Hm! Oh! Y/n? When did you get here? Pardon me, The lounge was quite rowdy earlier and we had to close a little later than the usual... Oh wait a second lem me just take care of this..." Fingers swept through the crisp pages of numerous books. His pen lightly tapping a beat in the wooden desk.

Moments pass as seconds became minutes. The pen scratching noises enveloped the room drowning in silence. Azul was lost in thought as he burn through the hundreds of words written in the thin pieces of parchment.

You pout at the thought of azul ignoring you, but it's not like you can disturb his work either. So in the end, you just watch him skim through hundreds of pages and thousands of words. Eyebrows furrowed, he fixes his eyeglasses again...

Lost in thought, your eyes wanders off to his ungloved hand... The back of his hand looked smooth and it looked soft. Caught in the moment of daze, you didn't even realize your hands crept stealthily working its way to lock fingers with Azul. This caused azul to look at you in disbelief and shock as a tinge of pink paints his pale face.

What? Octoboi is confused. What? Why were you holding his hands? What? You're not letting go of his hands! futhermore, your fingers are INTERTWINED! Azul.exe has stopped working. Azul wasn't made for cute moments like this.

"Y/n... May I ask why you suddenly linked fingers with me?" Azul asked with his fingers tinged pink, face was painted red down to his neck. "Well... You looked really troubled while you were doing your work... So I thought that you can use a short break? You looked pretty stressed so...."

Ahhhh.... Azul really should've read that one romance book he once stumbled upon, how does he deal with this? Damn, he surely wasn't made for this... He stared up your eyes only to look away again bashfully.

Pfttt you gotta admit... Azul really looks cute like this. You slowy brought your lips to azul's hands. Chu~♡ a kiss on the hands! bingo! "There! Have a kiss as a token of my love for you and how much I care for you! Hehe!"

That's it, Azul needs maintenace after this... This is just too cute for his soul. Cheeks tinged red, he fixes his glasses up again. His hands lightly squeeze yours as he began to say "Well, I cannot abandon my work and responsibilities... But maybe it's not a crime if its just for a few minutes... Don't let go of my hand ok?" The night at Mostro Lounge was quite chilly than the usual. But the hours that passed by felt warmer with the hold of a certain octopus.

End.

Note: Running low on braincells, Hope you liked this. And yes, I'm currently in my real time Azul loving hours. Time to buy takoyaki~ jk no I'm doing more requests that is rotting in my inbox. Again, sorry if this was not your cup o' tea (༎ຶ‿༎ຶ)

[thecelebritybarber]

The Celebrity Barbers!

Chapter One, Part 1: The New Career

  It's been a little under a year since Liam released his debut album, giving the world a string of dance songs meant to inspire dance and party. He'd put his heart and soul into each track, tweaking them till he felt they were perfect. Unfortunately though, what he viewed as perfection, the rest of the world viewed as grade-A trash. Every review labeled the debut as crude, rude, sexist, or just plain boring to listen too.

And it devastated him.

Once the reviews stopped pouring in, Liam decided that the lifestyle of a serious artist just wasn't for him. He'd done nothing but work hard to please the fans, and it blew up in his face.

So after two weeks of failing album sales and painful reviews, Liam announced on Instagram that he was leaving Republic Records and creating his own independent studio for down-on-their-luck artist like himself. "You'll be able to do whatever you want," he explained, "rap, sing, dance, whatever! And there'll be no bickering writers or demanding producers telling you what's up; instead it'll just be me and a couple close mates that'll help you reach your goal. Trust me, it'll be great!"

Not a single soul signed up.

After three weeks of silence, Liam posted on Instagram again; this time stating he was done with music all together. "I don't think it's for me, personally," he explained, "It's just too much work to constantly try and please everyone, and if I keep trying too, I'll most likely end up killing myself. So I'm done. Instead I'm just gonna focus on what makes me happy, and not worry about what everyone else thinks," he finished.

0-O-0-O-o

"But you're definitely gonna make it though, right?"

"Of course," Liam replied with a smile, "No amount of snow or traffic could keep me away from your delicious fruit cake."

"Good! Cause I'd hate to have to  kill you dead if you didn't..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Liam's smile softens, "I'll see you in a half hour, OK? Try not to start carving the turkey till I get there."

"No promises. Love you, sweetie."

"Love you too, Mum," He hangs up the receiver and, after zipping his jacket up to his chin, steps out of the payphone back into the cool December air. He can't help but shiver as little flacks of snow land on his nose and cheeks, turning them candy apple red within seconds. "Gotta love winter," Liam grumbles miserably before hurrying across the empty street to his idling car. He quickly slides into the drivers seat and, after slamming the door to his  Ford Angila behind him, cranks the heater up full blast.

A tidal wave of relief washes over him as the hot air starts to graze his skin and ruffle his hair..

Wait, his hair!

He quickly sits up and looks in the review mirror. "F*cking A, man..."

He looks like a complete disaster! All those hours he spent straightening his hair that morning? Wasted. In the small amount of time it took him to get to and fro the payphone, the wind had successfully turned his hair into a giant mass of knotted curls.

"That's just f*cking great," sighing, Liam reaches into the backseat of his Ford Angila and quickly grabs hold of his emergency hairbrush. He then proceeds to go town on his hair, brushing out every last knot and tangle he can find. It always amazed him that, no matter how many times a day he brushed his hair, he always managed to find at least three knots every time.

After ten minutes of painstaking brushing, Liam risks a look at the review mirror. "Hm, not bad. Might be better than before, actually..." he says with a chuckle, turning his head this-way-and-that to see just how good it looked. A smile spreads across his face as he admires his mane.  It's thick, it's wavy, and it's the color of warm hot chocolate. It'd honestly be the perfect head of hair... if it weren't for the fact that it's currently nine inches too long and still growing. He had decided to grow it back when he quit music, and no one has been able to change his mind about it; no matter how hard or how often they try.

 "Not gonna think about that. Nope. Not now," he mumbles as he speeds along the backroads of Wolverhampton, "Today's gonna be a good day," he reassures himself, "A great day, even."

After fretting over a few stray hairs for a couple extra minutes, Liam buckles himself up and continues on his way. With Christmas being only two weeks away, he thought it'd be a nice surprise if he dropped in and attended his mums annual Christmas dinner. Maybe he'd even stay and spend the weekend, though he knew deep-down that the odds of that happening were slim-to-none; especially if his father's home...

O-o-O-o-O  

Over the next five minutes, Liam went over every possible scenario he could think of on how this visit could go, and e managed to narrow it down to two likely outcomes:

A.) It could either be an amazing visit, where everyone's happy to see everyone, and no one's disappointed in him for leaving the music industry for the life of a social influencer. They'd all welcome him home with welcome arms, tell him he's done the right thing by following new dream, and they'd all have a great weekend together.

Or 2.) it could be the complete and polar opposite, where everyone's still openly disappointed and judgmental of his new career path. They'd try and pretend to approve, but it'd be obvious from their fake smiles and forced laughter what they really thought. And what they really thought was that new lifestyle was one better suited for a kid of sixteen, not a man of twenty-seven.

He pulls onto his parent's street.

"Oh, f*ck me..." an overwhelming sense of thread fills Liam's chest when he sees his ex-girlfriend's Volkswagen Beetle sitting in his parents driveway, tucked neatly between his father's Jeep and his mother's Sudan. The last time he'd seen her was the day his album released, and that... well that's a memory he'd much rather not focus on. So let's just say she tried to sympathize, and he mistook her words for mockery. It'd been a nasty incident that resulted in her throwing her engagement ring in his face before storming off.  "Well...this shouldn't be awkward at all..."

He pulls up into the driveway behind his father and, after taking a few deep breathes, parks his Ford and steps out onto the driveway. He quickly smooths down his hair and tucks it behind his ears, though he knows it's pointless to try and make it look presentable. He could have it professionally styled, and still his family would hate it and prefer his older style.

"C'mon Payno, you've got this," he mumbles, "Just stand your ground and mind your manners, and everything will go great..." he lets out a shuddering breath, "Hopefully..." He then proceeds up the front porch steps and rings the bell...

[magic-magpie]

Say You Love Me

Hey, so I wrote a lil’ UsUk oneshot. ^^ You can find it (and my other fanfics) on my Fanfiction account - AA Addict. Although, I did make that account when I was eleven meaning that most of its content is actual trash. I did a review of my first ever fanfic... I might post it here. I’m good at cringe reviews, but only when the cringe is my own cringe.

It’s 4,304 words, just to let ya know.

“Hey, Artie?”

“Hm?” 

“I love you.” 

“Likewise.” 

“...Aren’t you ever gonna say it back?” 

Arthur slumped down into his chair, head in hands. Alfred F. Jones, his American boyfriend, had just stormed out of the apartment after an argument, leaving it feeling rather large, empty, and quiet. 

It was an argument over the stupidest of things. Honestly, who cared if Arthur had never uttered the words ‘I love you’? 

Alfred did, apparently. And to an extent, so did Arthur. 

The first time Alfred had declared his love was five months ago, after four months of dating. They had just come back from dinner at a swish restaurant, and after a round of sweet sex Alfred had blurted it out – ‘I think I love you’. He’d blushed, laid his head on Arthur’s chest so that they weren’t maintaining eye contact, then said in a bit of a whisper, ‘Actually, I definitely love you’. Arthur remembered feeling like he was higher than Cloud Nine, a giddy sensation arising within him and his heart pounding a million beats per minute. He didn’t like to admit it, but he was fairly certain he had abandonment issues (probably due to his past relationships), and hearing Alfred proclaim his love had given him full assurance that Alfred was the one. 

At that point, Arthur definitely loved Alfred too. He was happiest when with him, not to mention he felt safe and secure, even when they were doing completely wild activities such as skydiving and bungee-jumping. However, he just couldn’t say it. The words got stuck in his throat every time he tried to say them, he choked on them, his lips refused to allow them to form. He wanted so badly to say it, but failed whenever he tried. And so he only said words akin to ‘likewise’ in response to Alfred’s frequent declarations of love. He felt terrible whenever he did so, for Alfred’s sunny disposition would always become slightly clouded, but what could he do? Alfred had seemed to understand, until now. 

“Why do I need to say it back? I’m sure you understand what I mean perfectly.” 

“I DO, but it’d still be nice to hear you say it.” 

“It’d be nice to hear me say a lot of things, but I won’t say them, will I?” 

“Come on! What’s so bad about saying ‘I love you’?!” 

“Nothing’s BAD about saying it, I just don’t want to!” 

“...You don’t want to?” 

“Exactly. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to finish this embroidery.” 

“Say it.” 

“For God’s sake Alfred!” 

“Say it!” 

“No, alright?” 

“Just say it, PLEASE! It’s not HARD!” 

“It is bloody well hard, I’ll have you know!” 

“It’s not hard to say the truth, Arthur! Unless it’s-” 

“You know perfectly well that it’s the truth, Alfred, so don’t even go there.” 

“Then SAY IT!” 

“Life’s not Hollywood, Alfred! We don’t need to give extravagant declarations of love in order to show that it’s there!” 

“Come on, just SAY it! For me, then! Say it for the Hollywood sap who’s stuck by you!” 

“You don’t get to order me to say anything, git. I don’t want to say it, so get that through your thick skull.” 

“...Fine. Later, loser.” 

“WHERE are you going?” 

“Takin’ a walk. Love ya. Even if you don’t return the feeling.” 

Arthur would never forget that expression Alfred had. Disappointment, sadness, anger, all in one. Tears had welled up in his blue eyes. 

The first time either of them had made the other cry. 

He willed himself not to burst into tears, but it was hard. They’d argued before, but never to the extent that either of them had walked out. The last time he’d had a partner walk out on him, they’d split up the next day. The time before that, his partner had cheated on him. And the first time it happened, he’d never seen the man again. He’d never loved any of them the way he loved Alfred, but it had still hurt. 

A wave of panic crashed down on him. What if Alfred did the same? 

No, Alfred couldn’t possibly leave him. He’d said ‘I love you’, for crying out loud! And even when walking out he’d reiterated it! There was no way Alfred would break up with him. 

Right? 

Horrible, terrible images flashed through his mind; Alfred chatting up some bloke at the pub, taking him to a sleazy motel, hands that caressed Arthur’s body tugging at the other man’s belt instead; Alfred deleting all the sneaky pictures he’d taken of Arthur and sending him a break-up text; Alfred never contacting him again; the worst image, however, had to be that awful, ghastly one where Alfred, in his anger and despair, ran out onto the road without looking both left and right and was thrown into the air like a rag doll by a speeding car, dead before he hit the ground. 

And that was the image that wouldn’t leave his mind. 

Taken over by an overwhelming sense of fear, he reached for his phone and brought up Alfred’s number. 

-Alfred? 

-Are you there? 

He waited with bated breath, his heart in his mouth. Deep down he knew it was stupid to be worrying like this, but there was a minute chance of his imagination becoming reality. 

“Come on, reply...” he willed. Arthur didn’t have an iPhone, meaning that he didn’t know whether Alfred was typing or not, so he just hoped against hope that Alfred was either typing, or hadn’t checked his phone. 

Suddenly, his notification tone rang out and the screen lit up, informing him that Alfred had responded. Relief washed all over him. Alfred was safe. He opened the text. 

-Yeah 

His heart sank a little. None of those blasted emoticons or developed replies characteristic of Alfred. 

-Good. Don’t die. 

Alfred’s response came a couple of seconds later, like he was eagerly awaiting each text too. 

-Er what 

-You heard me. Don’t bloody die. 

-Hella random much 

-Out of context, more like. 

-Can i get context 

-Wait im suppoed t b mad at u 

-Its hard 

-How dya doit 

Arthur was trying to respond with ‘Look, I’m sorry, come back home and we’ll make up, how about that? I’ll take you to McDonalds too, if you want.’, but his insistence at texting with brilliant spelling, grammar, and diction meant Alfred could get his texts in much quicker. 

-Ok imma stop txtinf now 

-Off to b mad 

-Love ya bye 

Arthur quickly pressed send, hoping that Alfred wouldn’t be able to resist texting him back, but it was no use. Five minutes passed, then ten, then fifteen, and before he knew it he’d been staring at the screen for half an hour. 

He wasn’t texting back. 

Slumping back down into his chair, he was mildly surprised to find that his cheeks were wet with tears. Fuck, that’s not supposed to happen. He furiously wiped them away then glared at his phone. Just who the hell did Alfred think he was, reducing him to blasted tears? 

But I made him cry first. Isn’t payback grand? 

God, Arthur’s anger wasn’t even justified. It was confusing, sitting there seething and upset when he had no cause to be. He was the one who refused to tell Alfred that he loved him. Alfred made sure that he said the three words at least once each day, usually accompanied by a sweet, chaste kiss. He had every right to be irritated with Arthur, even if Arthur hated it. Stupid Hollywood sap. 

“That’s it!” Arthur cried out loud, struck by an insane yet brilliant idea. If he wants a Hollywood declaration, he’ll get a Hollywood declaration! The idea was cheesy, over-the-top, and stupid, just how Alfred liked it. 

He jumped out of his chair, strode out of the living room, snatched his keys up, exited his apartment and slammed the door shut a little too hard, got the lift down, marched through the doors, unlocked his sleek black car, and drove. It was late (the time had just gone nine), but he figured Tesco would be open – if the superstore upheld its Open 24/7 policy, that is. He was also incredibly lucky that Valentines Day had been a week ago; there would’ve been no chance of finding these decorations had it been any other time of the year. 

Arthur looked around the room, satisfied. Helium heart balloons were dotted around his living room, all bearing some variation of the three words Arthur had such trouble saying. He’d pinned up banners reading ‘I love you’ over the sofa and television, and had sprinkled pink confetti hearts everywhere (some had got stuck in his hair, much to his chagrin). On the dinner table he’d put a candelabra with new red candles, and laid out the table in a manner fit for the Queen. 

It made him cringe, but so did Hollywood. 

The oven pinged, and Arthur checked out his lamb roast. He frowned; the instructions had said to roast it for an hour after lowering the temperature, but it looked far too raw – he wouldn’t be surprised if it started bleating right there. Furthermore, the potatoes looked undercooked. Honestly, he thought, shoving the cookbook back into his cupboard irritably, who on Earth allowed this travesty to be published? 

Letting it cook for a while longer, Arthur went back into the living room and collapsed on the sofa, exhausted. Decorating was no small feat, and it turned out that Tesco hadn’t had any Valentines Day decorations, meaning that he’d had to go drive to every other store until he finally found some. Cooking also took effort, although he didn’t dislike it. No, the most exhausting thing of that night was being distressed. The number of times he’d checked his phone in the vain hope that Alfred had tried to contact him was innumerable, and each time had left him a little bit sadder. 

Arthur checked the clock – it was midnight. And Alfred still wasn’t back.

Suppressing the rising paranoia, he busied himself by going over what he’d say to Alfred. First came the apology, of course. Then came the explanation for why he had so much trouble saying the words. And then, finally, he’d say it. 

Simple. Theoretically. 

Time ticked on, and there was still no sign of Alfred. All he could do was hope that Alfred was planning on coming home and remaining his boyfriend. 

He switched the television on and searched through the channels whilst he waited. He flicked past hospital dramas, crime shows, teleshopping, bad films, all of which Arthur abhorred. Not bothered enough to put a film in himself, he just kept it on a Hollywood romance. If he remembered correctly, Alfred and himself had seen it before. They’d been huddled on the sofa sharing a blanket and popcorn, Alfred resting his head on Arthur’s shoulder and periodically lifting it to give Arthur an affronted look as Arthur delivered his scathing commentary on the vapid film. And now, as he watched the movie by himself, it was just as dull and uninteresting. 

So dull, in fact, that he could feel his eyes closing. No, stay awake, idiot. He tried to force his eyes open, but they kept battling against him until he finally surrendered to the call of slumber. 

Alfred had better be here when I wake up. 

“Artie?” 

Something was shaking him. 

“Artie, I’m back.” 

This something sounded nice, if irritating. He tried to push it away, but he was too sleepy to put any sort of effort into it. 

“I brought McDonalds, if you haven’t eaten.” 

The thing shaking him sounded familiar. The accent, there was something about the accent. It didn’t sound English. More like... 

“...Alfred?” 

“Yep, it’s me.” Alfred chuckled. His eyes were shut and he was groggy, but he sensed Alfred was close. 

Wait. 

Alfred was back.

All exhaustion forgotten, he shot up so he was standing and pulled Alfred into a crushing hug, arms wrapped tightly around his body. Relief flooded through his veins as Alfred reciprocated, lacking none of the usual warmth. 

“Thank God,” Arthur breathed. He then kissed him hard, keeping their bodies pressed together and swaying on the spot. Alfred tasted of salt and ketchup, weirdly enough, but Arthur didn’t care and just kept kissing him, loving the feel of Alfred’s lips on his, loving how they moved against his in such a way that turned him to jelly, loving how Alfred kissed him with such devotion and love – loving Alfred. 

“Hah,” Alfred said once they broke apart for air, “Missed me?” 

“No shit, Sherlock,” Arthur replied snippily. Now that the relief and joy of Alfred’s return had sunk in, he was left with the anger of Alfred’s departure. “You can’t just walk out on me!” 

“I brought McDonalds back, so it doesn’t matter, eh?” Alfred said, grinning nervously. “Though it does smell like you’ve cooked dinner...” 

Arthur blanched. “Shit, the dinner.” 

He took out the charred lamb roast whilst Alfred wafted away the smoke, and set the burnt dinner down onto the countertop. Alfred gave a low whistle. 

“How long did ya leave that in?” 

“What time is it?” 

“Half two.” 

“Three hours! I knew I shouldn’t have slept,” Arthur said bitterly. 

“Hey, cheer up, it’s just as burnt as all your other stuff!” Alfred teased, grinning when Arthur shoved him. 

“Shut up, I’m still mad at you.” 

“Yeah, about that – how do you even do the angry thing? I tried, and all that ended up happening was me hiding out in McDonalds crying my eyes out wanting to come back. I got free food though, so that’s something. I guess I was angry at you, but not in the way that you do it... You get angry,” Alfred said, laughing slightly. 

“You were crying?” Arthur said, stricken. 

“Crap. Er, maybe?” Alfred answered sheepishly. 

“Because of me.” 

“I guess...” Alfred sounded rather reluctant to admit it. Arthur sighed. What was he doing, being angry at Alfred? 

“Sorry,” Arthur murmured, brushing a strand of hair out of Alfred’s face. “I’m not a very decent person, am I?” 

“No, you are,” Alfred said immediately. Arthur smiled. 

“Rhetoric, Alfred. Anyway, you shouldn’t be trying to make me feel better – I should be working to make you okay.” 

“Is that what all those decorations were about?” 

“Um,” Arthur said, scratching the back of his head awkwardly, “Yeah. Cringey Hollywood crap and all.” 

“Wait, what? Hollywood?” Alfred looked rather confused. 

“Yeah, Hollywood. I thought I’d do something Hollywood-style for you, but the dinner screwed up and I slept, so I’ve forgotten my speech,” Arthur said. “Apologies.” 

“Your... Speech?” 

“I prepared a speech for when you came home. One with explanations and apologies and all that.” 

“Dude,” Alfred said, shaking his head emphatically, “I don’t want a speech. All I want is for you to say you love me, honestly and easily and stuff.” 

Alfred was looking at him with those big blue eyes Arthur adored so much - to this day he couldn’t pinpoint what one shade of blue they were. He’d fallen for Alfred a year ago, and ever since then he’d had a fascination with shades of blue. Ever since then, Alfred’s eyes had held all the stars of the universe – the most beautiful, wondrous eyes he’d ever seen. His past boyfriends’ eyes paled in comparison. Arthur had since grown to love every single part of Alfred, both physical and emotional. The way Alfred’s hair caught the sunlight, how Alfred would always try to cheer him up if he was feeling down, Alfred’s intoxicating, infectious laugh... He’d fallen in love with it all. 

Just TELL him so! 

“Alright,” Arthur said, and took a deep breath. “I’ll tell you.” 

Alfred F. Jones, the best boyfriend he’d ever had by far, was looking at him expectantly, a little encouraging smile on his face. Arthur fiddled with the hem of his sleeve, and forced himself to maintain eye contact. It’d be easier to turn away and mutter it, but after everything that had happened, saying it to Alfred’s face was best. 

“I,” he swallowed, suddenly feeling very hot and slightly uncomfortable. Come on, spit it out! “Alfred, I – I lo –“ Deep breath.  

“I love you.” 

He barely had time to see Alfred’s mouth stretch into a huge smile before he was being kissed like he’d never been kissed before. Fuelled by euphoria, Alfred and Arthur were kissing each other hard, Arthur’s hands fisted in Alfred’s hair and Alfred’s arms pulled Arthur close until their bodies were flush against one another. He felt a wonderful dizzying sensation when Alfred parted his lips, eagerly parting his own. Their mouths moved together and tongues worked perfectly to make the other weak at the knees, serving another reminder as to how perfect they were for one another. As they kissed, three words were repeating over and over in his mind – I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you. 

After too short a time they were forced to break apart to breathe, but they stayed in the close embrace, Arthur now resting his head on Alfred’s shoulder and Alfred resting his on Arthur’s head. He still felt a little giddy, and... Oddly liberated? Like he’d been pulled out of the crushing depths of the ocean and could breathe freely again. 

“See, it wasn’t difficult!” Alfred said happily. 

“No, I suppose not... It felt nice, actually,” Arthur said. “I had so much trouble with it because... Well, I haven’t said it before.” 

“Seriously?” He sounded surprised, for some reason. Arthur nodded. 

“Well, yes. I can’t even remember a time I said it before today, platonically or otherwise.” 

“But you’ve had loads of boyfriends before me!” 

“Three hardly counts as loads, Alfred. Besides, I – I never loved them like I love you. They were fun for a while, but... I suppose they were right to leave me. I don’t think they were as right for me as you are. Plus,” he smiled a little, “Their departure meant your arrival. And I’d much rather have you, dear.” 

“You have no idea how happy I am right now, dude,” Alfred said, and gently prised Arthur off him. “Like, seriously. Just wait here, alright? Or, er...” He looked around at the messy kitchen, “Go into the living room, actually.” 

Puzzled, Arthur asked, “What are you doing?” 

Alfred was already hurrying out of the kitchen and up the stairs, but he excitedly yelled, “Something I’ve been waiting for this day to do!” 

Thoroughly confused, Arthur made his way into the living room where all the sickening heart decorations were. Honestly, he thought, all this fuss and drama over three little simple words. He remembered the way Alfred’s face lit up when he said I love you. His smile grew wider and his eyes sparkled like they contained all the stars of the galaxies. 

Alfred burst into the room with a huge grin on his face and his arms behind his back. 

“What’re you hiding?” 

“You’ll find out in a bit.” Alfred winked. He shoved whatever was in his hands into his pocket and stepped closer to Arthur, put his hands on either side of his waist, thumbs gently stroking him. 

“I’ve, er, kinda been waiting for you to say that. Since, like, three months ago. I didn’t pressure you into saying it, did I?” he said, expression oddly solemn. Arthur shook his head firmly. 

“Alfred, do you honestly think I’d do something I didn’t want to just because you went out in a huff? I always wanted to say it, I just... Needed a little push, I guess,” Arthur assured. Alfred gave a little relieved smile. 

“Cool. ‘Cause, y’know. I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life, and then in the afterlife too. We can ghost-kiss and haunt all those homophobes and stuff and just be that super-awesome couple that everyone’s jelly over and, y’know, cool stuff like that.” 

“Why do you sound so nervous?” Arthur chuckled.  

“You want that too, right?” 

“Of course, love. I love you. And, for the record, I have a sneaky suspicion that one of my co-workers is envious of our relationship.” 

“Cool.” Alfred closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as if readying himself for something. Arthur’s eyes widened and he held his breath as Alfred got down onto one knee and took out a small blue velvet box. 

“Are you-“ 

He opened the box to reveal a beautiful silver ring with a sparkling gemstone in its centre – the exact colour of Alfred’s eyes, he noted. Arthur stared at the ring, then at Alfred, not quite believing what he was seeing. 

“Remember when we went to that big fancy mall three months ago – I went off to buy something and you bought your new headphones? Well, I bought this. I was – I was waiting for the day you’d say ‘I love you’ to propose, ‘cause I wanted to make sure you loved me back, and, well,” he gave a little nervous laugh, “You do.” 

Arthur was still speechless, so Alfred continued. 

“I – I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Being with you, it’s just... I’m the happiest when I’m with you. I know we haven’t been dating for as long as other couples, and I totally understand if you say no, but I think we’re both confident enough that no one’s better for us than the other. I could list the reasons we’re the best couple, but I’d be here a long time so I won’t. But I will say that you’re my favourite person, and I know you feel the same about me. So, I guess I should say the actual words. 

“Arthur, will you marry me?” 

Arthur was still in shock-mode. Was this happening? It had to be a dream, but there was no way it could be a dream, it was all too wonderfully real, too splendidly vivid. Alfred was actually proposing to him! Alfred actually wanted to spend his entire life with him! 

“Those tears are happy tears, right?” Alfred said. 

Alfred you fucking perfect idiot. 

“Of course I bloody will!” Arthur cried, bending down himself to tackle Alfred into a gleeful hug. Alfred returned it with equal fervour and soon the two were on the floor, hugging and laughing for all they were worth. Arthur kissed him and knew that nobody else’s lips were suited to him, nobody else could hold him like Alfred did, nobody else could make him feel like life was perfect. 

“Let’s put the ring on ya, then!” Alfred said, sitting up and picking up the small box. He took out the ring and slipped it onto Arthur’s finger. Arthur held it out so that it sparkled in the light, loving the way it looked incredibly like Alfred’s eyes (only Alfred’s were prettier). 

“It’s beautiful.” 

“The jewel’s that paraíba tourmaline you told me about once, d’ya remember? You said it looked exactly like my eyes.” 

Arthur blinked and peered at the stone. “Oh, so it is!”  

“I thought I’d give you one that looked like my eyes, and I got one for myself that looked like yours. So, y’know, it’s all that romantic ‘we’ve always got a little part of the other with us’ stuff.” 

“Where’s yours?” Arthur wanted Alfred to wear his. 

“Oh, it’s, ah, gimme a second...” he foraged around in his pocket and extracted another box – green velvet this time. 

“Here, let me put it on you,” Arthur said eagerly. He took the box and opened it to see a silver band similar to his own, but with a shiny, smooth jade in the centre. Arthur’s breath hitched. 

“Do – do you truly think my eyes look this splendid?”

Alfred planted a chaste kiss on his lips and rested his forehead against Arthur’s, looking directly into his eyes. “Well, I actually think your eyes are better, but this was the prettiest green gem I could find,” he said softly. 

“Honestly,” he scoffed, trying to hide the fact that he felt all mushy and warm and fluttery inside. Hands shaking slightly, he took the delicate ring out of the box, held Alfred’s hand in his own and slipped the ring onto his finger. 

“Beautiful,” Arthur murmured. He put his own ringed hand next to Alfred’s, admiring them. 

Engaged. 

They were engaged. 

Arthur looked up excitedly. “We’re going to get married!” 

“I know, right?!” Alfred squealed back. “We’ll have to start handing out invites!“ 

“And choosing a cake!” 

“And getting tuxes!” 

“And finding a venue!” 

“And planning the decorations!” 

“Oh, decorations! We have to have a chandelier!” 

“And a chocolate fountain!” 

“What about an actual bloody huge fountain!” 

“Ohmigod yes, and don’t forget streamers!” 

“Confetti!” 

“Banners!” 

“Orchestra!” 

“Lava!” 

Arthur spluttered. “Lava?!” 

“I got really excited and said the first word that came to my head, don’t blame me!” Alfred laughed. 

“No but, making the floor lava would be rather hilarious, don’t you think? And who else would be able to say that they got married on actual molten lava?” Arthur said, grinning. 

“If you’re suggesting that we get married in a volcano, then I am one-hundred-and-forty-seven percent behind you.” 

“Well, that’s the venue sorted, then.” 

They looked at each other, and all of a sudden they were laughing until their sides hurt, laughing in the way that no one else could make them laugh. Alfred’s obnoxious laugh was loud, raucous, and infectious – just the way Arthur liked it.

When they finally stopped laughing, Alfred leant against Arthur and gave a small, content sigh. Arthur responded by putting his arm around him and stroking his hair softly. He still couldn’t believe his luck. He, Arthur Kirkland, was engaged to Alfred Foster Jones. 

“Hey, Alfred?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too, Artie.”

[ts-hvv4]

EPISODE ONE: “GAMERS NEVER STOP GAMING” - SHARIFA

As castaways got to know each other, or catch up with old cast mates, the inactivity of others set the wheels in motion for a vote off.

WOW! Season 93 holy cow. This season has started out to be anything but normal. Within my tribe, I’ve played with 5/9 members previously - which is not what I expected. I’m extremely nervous about Ricky and Emma because based off our calls and chats, they’re worried about past drama from Easter island and other ORGs being a factor in our relationships. I’m trying to let go of everything but they seem to disagree. I’ll make a more in depth review of my tribe at a later time!

Ok, so so far I've spoken with a few people. Birch, Keegan, Cheatham, Olivia, Ned, Kurt and Trent. I'm feeling Kurt and Trent so far, Kurt I found out through him we've know each other from possibly an old mini or something, and Trent we have the same interests. So far so good. I know Chris, we had a great bond back in the day but it doesn't mean we will here. Me and Emma used to talk but I saw she recently unfriended me so...and Sarah I love her, Andreas I hope is the same Andreas because I miss him. Matt I lowkey want to meet because distance wise he's the closest to me, so we could maybe bond about similar areas and such, and he seems cool. I may have more to same later but this is how I feel right now!

I cannot believe I was uber nervous last night! I have no clue why either, guess it was because it was a lot at one time and like seeing others say it was a super strong cast was a lot. Given I just got into this community like a month ago I think I was able to see my biggest obstacle will be getting to somehow squeeze in and be comfortable since I am like extremely shy ahhhhhh

* a little while lateR*

A lot of my tribe seemed really cool! Dennis I feel the closest to already and then Andreas was so nice to keep me informed on things. Matt is also like the bombdiggity, Sarah is a sassy omelette, Kage is like the second coming of Shaggy Rogers, Ricky/Niklas I look forward to talking to more and the others I hope to talk to some more but because I woke up 10 minutes ago my memory sucks

WHY TF IS MATT SUMMERS HERE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Anyways I like everyone on my tribe. Birch is once again making friendship bracelets (they never sent out the ones they made in tashirojima lmao) and everyone is so enamored and I’m just like yep mhm. I’m getting along well with Ned, Keegan, and Kurt. Sharifa and I finally have a good dialogue going this morning and I really like her but she’s won like twice and I know trent has her high on his kill list for that. Malik and I finally talked today more which was nice. Cheatham seems cheeky and we talked a little bit not much and I’m really dropping the ball with Jake I feel bad like I def need to talk to him but agh it’s so hard trying to keep up with nine people lmao. It’s like birch and I are just going through the motions like we don’t even know what to say really other than hi how’re you I’m good thanks bc of all we went through in the game we just played. I wish I could vote them out so I wouldn’t have to deal with all those emotions. Also I’m very distressed about matt summers being here he probably doesn’t even remember me but oh sweet jesus GC was so horrible for me and I don’t hate him or anything but he double idoled me out like why tf did he have to be here 😭😭

Malik is not a lotr fan rip him

Alright, I've had some time to sleep on this game and I have some early thoughts. I think yesterday I put my guard up to soon. This season I am going to be more cool, calm, and collected then I have in previous seasons. I know I have a past with some people, who I really don't trust. I think it would be stupid for my narrative to be based around drama that occurred 5 years ago when I was 17, so I am going to be the bigger person here and hope other people aren't.

Last night a couple people jumped on call. This included Kage, Matt, Sarah, Emma, Chris, Ricky, and I. The call brought me right back to 2015 - it was wild. We kind of had a little chat about our past games. Anyways, then Ricky out of the blue brings up my FTC in Easter Island - a season which had so much tension. There were two sides - My Alliance and Ricky's alliance. Ricky's alliance pretty much maintained control of the game the entire game, and seventeen year-old Andreas was salty about it. I thought it was interesting he did that..... it concerns me he may still be mad at me for things that happened five years ago.

*Andreas walks away from the camera, does a big sigh and plops himself back down on the rock*

Time for a review of my tribe: 

 Sarah - LOVE OF MY LIFE!!! Sarah and I go back way far in Bangladesh. We spent my entire game together where she blindsided me. Since then, we've become great friends and I even flew to Vancouver to meet her IRL. She's my #1 in this game for sure. 

 Kage - Eastern Canadian King! I met Kage in Great Lakes where we didn't see eye-to-eye in a game sense but got along on a personal level. The GL cast remains one of my fav casts I've ever played with and I'm excited to meet this new Kage.

 Emma - Emma is a dangerous player. Every game I've ever played with her, aside from Jordan Pines, she has done me so dirty. After the last game we played, my guard is really up with her, so I am going to try to not get too wrapped in her web.

 Ricky - Not sure how he feels about me, I would like to work with him because he is smarter then people give him credit for. Hopefully it all works out between us. 

 Chris - I like Chris. I think Chris is buttering me up though, not sure if he really wants to work with me or this is all an act. Either way, he has made it clear he has no connections and is a hero so he for sure someone I'd like to go far with :) 

Matt - Matt fucking Summers (in the words of Laure LMAO). Matt is a really nice guy, but has the reputation of being very dangerous. In a weird way, I think I can kind of be the watered down Matt Summers depending on the day. I would love to work with him, because I think he's a big personality that could place me in the background of the game. 

 Dennis - I find speaking with Dennis so easy! Not only is he nice and personable, but easy to have a good chat with. I would like to work with Dennis if I can. 

 Lukas - I find chatting with Lukas a bit harder then I should, but I expect it just based off our personalities. I am really trying hard to socialize with him, so hopefully it shouldn't be terrible. 

 Nick - Nick is in a similar spot to Lukas for me - but I don't find it as hard to chat with him. I'm drawing from my improv expertise this season and doing a lot of 'yes and' ing to stuff. With him, that's what I've been doing in the hopes I can build a stronger relationship. So far it's working. 

 That's all for now! Let's see what happens with Kage at the island thing haha

 SOOO Emma is amazing. I really hope she's not good friends with anyone else in the cast cause I love her and I want her to be my #1 Jake is chill. I'm gonna keep him around for a bit, but he ALWAYS backstabs his friends so I don't trust him Chris seems cool. He's gonna be a schemer/utr I feel it. But I enjoy talking to him Matt, I'm still trying to get a feel for. He's from WV so I started talking to him about Noah Salvatore and somehow they went to the same school together so he clearly has bad luck. Dennis and I have been getting along. I talked to him a lot about my game last time tho. That made me realize I need to keep my friendships with Jake and Emma on the LOW. Kage is messy. Even this morning he's still talking to me like this: it’s terrivle nothing bere i haven't really talked to anyone else yet. Ricky and Kage both just seem so hard to talk to one on one. 

Hi!! so I am the first one on my tribe to go to Ancient Thera. Kage came from the other tribe and HE IS NOVA SCOTIAN!!!!!!!! F2 right there!!! I am so hyped that I met him!!! he lives an hour from me!!!! AHHHHHHH!! I also betrayed him already and went for tribal advantage instead of personal as we agreed. also, the chances of me and him are so high I'm actually so excited!!. I can Picture me and hm becoming good friends, he and I have a lot in common. this tribe is also amazing!!

Oh god I’ve never played this challenge and I’ve always felt bad for those who did fuck

First Confessional! It's been about a day since the season began and this tribe is rockin'! I've had some pretty great conversations with most of the tribe. However there have been a couple people lacking in the social department. Most notably is NED, who I've apparently played with before but I can barely remember him. I guess he's just been busy all day, and it's only been a day so I'm not holding it against him much. SHARIFA has not been the most social with me but we have discussed some New Years resolutions and how poorly we do with those. Aside from that, I really like BIRCH, MALIK and KURT. I think they're top notch people so far and I'm hoping I can plod on forward and actually form an alliance of sorts with them. My biggest struggle right now is trying to decide whether I want to initiate any game talk this early, or if I should just hold out for a little longer so I don't come across like I'm playing too hard right out of the gates.

How does one turn a convo from fun and friendly to strategic without just straight up being like “how do you feel about everybody” bc that’s such a loaded question but the easiest route to what you wanna talk about lmao. TLDR I’m trying to talk to Kurt strategically and I’ve typed and deleted a message about a million times. Ned and I bonded super well we called for a minute and I feel so bad bc he’s like “I get close to one person and we’re together to the end I’m super loyal” and I’m like ME TOO NORMALLY BUT I ALREADY HAVE LUKAS AND TRENT and like I already love Ned I wanna be his friend and I know he trusts me super well already so that’s good I’m just worried for if/when he finds out I already have a tight twosome ahdjsks. But that’s way ahead I needn’t worry rn. I want a four person alliance with Kurt, Ned, Trent and myself. Ned said he liked Kurt and Trent so that’s great and Trent is obviously down so I just gotta grow a pair and talk to Kurt. I also really like Kellogg (can’t remember his real name ever but it’s similar to Kellogg; I’m such an ass) and Sharifa too she’s super cool. She’s won twice so I’m a littler nervy but I like her a lot. I talked with Jake a little bit more but still not much and cheatham I think I ignored all day yikes. Birch is beloved in the eyes of the tribe rn but hehe I’m still not buying into it sorry!! I like them a lot outside of the game but I’ll never ever trust them in a game. I was talking with Ned and he said he hasn’t connected well with them and wouldn’t mind voting them out so woo. It’s gonna be tricky to try and get that to have any traction since she just did something generous for the tribe sigh. Gonna have to be patient like I was patient with someone else in Mykonos. I can be patient, certainly.

I FORGOT MALIK he’s so kind I like him a lot but he’s not as giving in a convo as others so I feel like I don’t know him as well but we’re developing that relationship

I just really like our tribe

*a little while later*

Malik is so sweet, I think he needs an emoji tutorial tho 😂 sometimes he’ll send an emoji and I’m a little perplexed why he chose that one but it’s all very endearing

So Kage and his Thera shit... SHADYYY. He said if they won the challenge they get themselves an advantage in the game but if they lose, the TRIBE gets a disadvantage in the immunity. He specified the tribe and the immunity thing. But didn't specify that winning the comp would give the TRIBE an advantage. But here we are. Birch's tribe got an advantage and we got a disadvantage. I. Call. Bullshit. I think Kage got an advantage in the game in exchange for a disadvantage and it just trying to keep it secret. I'm honestly gonna keep pushing this theory so other people wanna vote Kage later. I asked Kage questions about the challenge and... Me, A psychology major: "He's giving a LOT of details here. Liars tend to do that" Also me, a psychology major: "Okay but these details sound right. That's a lot to make up" There's been a few people that I feel like I haven't been able to strike good convos with yet I'd put my ranking like this Emma > Chris > Dennis > Andreas >>>>> Kage/Lukas/Matt > Sarah > Ricky. But that big gap feels like a disconnect. AND I haven't fully talked to Emma because she keeps getting distracted when I try to chat with her. I'm just banking on our connection before the game I do feel really good about Chris and Dennis and I think Andreas was trying to talk game with me today. So we'll see. It could be a decent group that gets formed. But I'm sure those 3 are being super social with everyone else so idk where that puts me Post Tribal Reaction: "Advantages were for the taking. Kage gave me way too much power over his tribe and the advantages so I snaked him" - Birch I'm trying to sus out what that's insinuating cause it SOUNDS like you could just take advantages. Smh at Kage

I already knew trent was like my dude but HE LOVES LES MIS TOO

Yesterday’s word of the day: hedgehog Today’s word of the day: morning morning morning

So this game started at a very inopportune time. I have an exam in 2 hours and another one tomorrow, so I haven't been super active in the tribe chat-- but after realizing that, I've decided to use it as a strategy. I'm not going to talk much in the tribe chat, but I'll have individual conversations with people. That way, it seems like I'm very invested in each individual relationship but am not super connected with the rest of the tribe, so people will hopefully see me as a trustworthy ally! I've connected really well with Olivia and we seem to be on the same page-- we're loyal to our ride-or-dies and hate drama. We called and I think this is an alliance to watch. I was also aligned with Jake in Crossroads, my most recent TS season, so I think he's going to be a built-in ally. Apart from them, Trent and Kurt seem cool and I won't be sad if anyone else gets voted out. Most of my conversations with other people have been very surface level, but I think that's fine since it's only day 2. On the other tribe, there's Sarah and Andreas-- in every game I've played with Sarah, we have never lied to each other once. She's been my closest ally out of every ORG I've played, so I know 100% that if we're able to link up we'll run the show. After Bangladesh, I got close with both Sarah and Andreas, so I'm feeling pretty confident about a swap. 

Okay hi, first time playing a TS in a year weeeeeee!! The only person I know on this tribe is Ned S. and we haven't talked in 2 and a half years so GREAT good tribe lineup for me. However he really wants to work with me and I do too so hopefully there's some leverage there. Tbh I haven't connected with anyone on this tribe yet, every convo is like pretty surface level so im like dsjnsfnfjsd i need people that I can turn up with. I wanna turn up w Nicklas and Sara but theyre on the other tribe so this is rigged and of course we lost first... i always lose first.... idek who to vote out cus no one is inactive this is so fun for me goodbye

We lost the challenge, and I’m sad about that. Then I’m told by Keegan that there’s talk of a group with me, Sharifa, Olivia, Keegan, and Trent. How do I feel about that? Good except for the fact I feel it confirms the suspicions of Trent and Olivia talking either, and the fact that Kurt and Jake aren’t involved. So me and Kurt said we’d tell each other everything that’s going on, so I feel I do need to tell him about this alliance, but I can’t have him asking people about it or people might know I told Kurt through Sharifa if she thinks I actually did that. So now I need to let him know, and I need to keep him safe. I’m glad to be in a group I just need to protect Kurt at all costs.

Well we lost the first challenge and boy does that suck. I was really hoping we could pull out a few wins at the start of the game and have no issues moving forward. But that didn't happen and now we have to go to tribal council. Yuck! Right off the bat after losing the challenge I went in and did something I've never done before and never been comfortable doing before. And that's building an alliance. I sat for a few moments (and that's really all it was) before I jumped right into some conversations. Those first few minutes consisted of OLIVIA, TRENT, SHARIFA and MALIK. And now we have the MCDONALDS GANG. It's currently only a group of five but that's most likely all we'll need. It should be easy enough for us to wrangle in one or two people to vote out whoever we want to get out. I'm so proud of myself for really jumping right in there and getting things done. OLIVIA was the biggest factor in that. We immediately decided on who we liked (SHARIFA and TRENT) and pulled in MALIK for being a great dude. I'm really trying my hardest to step outside my comfort zone and get shit done this time around. As of right now (only a few hours after the challenge) my first choice for a target would be NED, solely because he's been the least talkative to me out of everyone. But that doesn't mean he's an easy choice. Everyone on Ammonia tribe is so great. We've still got a full day to decide who we want to target and get out. If it's not NED, perhaps JAKE might be the next best option. However, now that I've got this group together, I'm not going to be too pushy. We'll decide things as a group moving forward until later on in the game. I don't want to overplay too hard and I don't really want to be seen as the ring leader of the group.

I’d like to pat myself on the back because I was about to make a joke about how Sophie had to pretend to be religious in her game and how hard that must’ve been but then I remembered Ned is religious and I managed to hold back!!! Not making bad jokes upgrade woo

Well, this game is already not what i expected. I wasn't expecting mixed tribes, i wasn't expecting so many old schoolers, and i wasn't expecting everybody to be so nice. So far i'm just trying to be super social with everyone. My biggest fault in Indonesia is that none of the jury felt like they truly knew me. So i'm trying to be more open and more personal. and so far i think it's working. At first i really didn't want to work with Sharifa. Just looking at her stats I can see how dangerous she is. But we've really bonded over the past few days and shes one of my closest friends in this game right now. Her and Olivia are the ones I trust the most. I could be a fool and falling right into her trap, but we will see. I know Sharifa will be a huge target if we all make it to merge together so she's good to keep around as a shield for right now, but eventually I'm not going to be able to work with her any longer, but I dont know when that day will be. I am now in an alliance with Sharifa, Olivia, Keega, and Malik. We all seem to be on the same page for the first vote. Ned and Cheatham have been a lot less active than the first so one of them will be the first boot. I hate that it's probably Cheatham because I really did want to work and play this game with him. But if he's not going to put forth an effort then theres no way I'm going to risk my neck saving him. I just have to find the right way to tell him it's him. because if he hears it from someone other than me he might have a messy exit. Just need to get through this first vote and then the 5 of us will have a majority and should be ok until a swap. I've also been added to a smaller alliance of Olivia and Ned. I haven't really had a chance to talk with Ned but Olivia says he's great and that we will get along great. And i trust Olivia's judgement. But at this point Ned is just an extra vote to use because I'm not going to risk my game to try to save a player I barely know.

I think this game is off to a great start! Our tribe won immunity which was great, it allows me more time to build stronger relationships within the tribe. Some key things I wanna note: Matt expresses about how he wants to work together and I was like ‘yeah sure’ but he also messaged Sarah a much more genuine message about how he trusts her and I think that’s SUS ... I trust him for now but who knows . Ricky wants to work with me this game ?? Idk if he’s lying but I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt and I will believe him because we do a good rapore so it makes sense to work with him. He continues to say I’m the the only one he 100% trusts at this moment and i want to believe he’s not buttering me up and he’s loyal. I’ve been having meaningful discussions with everyone else. Emma is on my radar because she doesn’t want to talk to me unless it game talk and normally that’s what she does when she doesn’t really want to work with me... honestly would prefer her to go first but she seems well connected based off prior connections so that’s that. I’m not telling anyone but Sarah about how I feel about Emma truly because I can’t have her sniffing me out ... and plus loose lips sink ships. I’ve also been lying to a lot of people in this game for the purpose of appearing more personable to them... LOL.... like Lukas asked me about my thoughts on normani’s new music video and switch games and I lied through my teeth and looked stuff up to have shit to talk about. I wanna form strong connections now so people feel allegiance to me later. Hopefully we can go to tribal soon so I can test these loyalties ... anyways that’s all for now xoxo

Tribal day and I’ve found myself stumbling into yet another alliance, this time with BIRCH and MALIK. We’re just waiting for MALIK to get online but it’s a pretty sure thing that this alliance is happening. That means MALIK and I are both in the two same alliances which covers 6 of the people in the game. Unfortunately that means JAKE, NED and KURT are (at least to my knowledge) not in any major alliances. It’s certainly possible they have something going on with other people so I’m not going to rule it out entirely. I know it’s super early in the game but I’m feeling like I’ve found a good solid footing.

Hi im on the villains tribe...shocker Andreas is my #1 and when ned and I get on a tribe i will get him to be my number #1 and i know jake will want to work with me and matt summers wants to be close too so im thinking im good I dont trust emma or anyone else 

 Dusty

okay, we have tribal tonight, YAY. I am feeling okay. right now it is between Cheatham and Ned. I might push for Ned to go because I really like Cheatham. How I am feeling towards the other people is as follows Olivia- just played with you, did you real dirty in that game, sorry. I want to ally with you in this game more. Keegan- I really like you! you're awesome, i feel very comfortable with you and are allied with. stan. Tea Sluts 4 Lyfe. Sharifa- Not going to lie, you scare the hell out of me. we are allied, ily. everyone else: you are really nice, not strong feelings towards anyone.

I really like Kurt I wish we had included him in the alliance :( I feel like he’d be so fun to call

It is WILLLLLLD to be back, had no idea what I was getting myself into. Coming into Heroes vs Villains 4 I had the entirely wrong perception that I would be on a tribe with all Villains. Twistos Twist, it’s mixed….but you could have told me I was on the heroes tribe because everyone is so fucking nice….DO I LOOK LIKE A HERO WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR LIFE ALKJSDF. I feel like Colton in Blood vs Water on the kumbya tribe. So here are my thoughts on the flower children of the Ammonia tribe. My one solace is Kurt. We played together before on Generations, and he was actually my number 1 before Jakey was. What happened you ask? Liana and Andrew decided Kurt’s head would look great around their necks, and I could either vote with them, or go to rocks. So to avoid a tie, I ended up voting him out...and honestly it's one of my FEW regrets I have from the game. And it’s weird because I won Generations, but I still wish I had gone to rocks for him. I’VE CERTAINLY GONE TO ROCKS FOR LESS IN CHALLENGERS VS CHAMPIONS FKLAJSDF. Needless to say, he’s my ride or die, and I hope he can put the past behind him because I’m loyal as fuck to my ride or dies, just ask L’Shei and Jakey <3. Trent is probably the second person I’m trying to talk game with. He’s a biggggg strategist, even if he wants to pretend that he’s not...your that girl I knew you were. It’s been a big strategy of mine to play a wolf in sheeps clothing. This time around I can’t, my record is intimidating and there’s no way around it. So the only way I feel I can be successful is by amassing an alliance of heavy hitters. The only problem with that, is gamers never stop gaming, and they are going to want me out at some point. So I’m working hard to invest with Trent, and to play with him, but I’m FULLY aware he wants me out. It’s WHEN he wants me out, that’s the real question. And can he benefit my game, before then??? Malik is so fucking nice, super geunine, I like him, BUT he’s playing with his dick. He has this whole showmance with Kurt and it’s like habibi...what is you doin. It’s good for my game because he’s loyal to my closest ally, but it’s also like...we’re playing a game, play it. I do think Malik is someone Kurt and I can rely on, and I really adore him. It would be nice to play with another queer poc. I just don’t know if he’s a big gamer if we’re going to be real. Birch is….SO HARD TO TALK TO. Literally today I told them I was nervous after the challenge, because my strategy didn’t work, their response? “I BET!” FLAKSDFKJASKJFASD BRUH. Despite the teeth I want to pull, trying to have a conversation with them, they are genuinely nice and I feel it’s worth investing in talking with them. The only thing I’m nervous about is their relationship to Trent. Trent talks about them as a number, so I wonder if Birch is in his back pocket, especially considering the lack of game they talk. Olivia is a RE-HEALLLLLY interesting one. She doesn’t talk much, has her own language, that I do not speak, yet the SECOND we lost the challenge, her and Keegan orchestrated this whole majority alliance. And despite her being voted out by Trent, at the final 4, they seem to be working together. I think she’s 1) a villain not a hero, and 2) playing a lot more than I initially suspected. I think she likes me, we have a “we’re the only two girls on the tribe” thing going. LISTEN I WILL USE ANYTHING I’M A VILLAIN FOR A REASON. And she was the one who I think brought me into this magical majority alliance, so I guess we have a good relationship??? Definitely keeping two eyes, and two ears on her, she’s a player. Keegan….all I know about him is I think he’s close with Olivia, and that he’s spearheaded the alliance. I barely spoke with him, but we sent music to each other so clearly I’m gaming harder than I thought FKLAJSDF. He’s a tough one to figure out, I don’t trust him, and I think he has more relationships than I initially surmised, but right now he feels good with me so let’s celebrate that.gif Ned is INCH-RESTING. Barely spoke until after the immunity, now we’re talking fairly consistently. The two names being brought up for the vote are Ned and Cheatham, but Ned is putting in work to save himself. Ned is transparent and straight the fuck up, which is so necessary to build trust. Meanwhile Trent’s over here holding his cards to his chest closer than a new born baby. I’m very interested in working with Ned down the road, he just needs to make it past this rough patch, which I’m doing everything I can to make sure he does. At first I was really turned off by Jake….HIS BIO VIDEO WAS SO FUNNY. “My last expierene was horrible, fuck tumblr survivor, BUT IM SO HAPPY TO BE BACK KISSES”. But I realized once you speak his language of “white gay” he opens up ALOT. He also has an amazing record, and that is a plus for me not a minus, it has to be considering how scary people think my record is. I’m interested to see how he’s a good player, because right now he’s been so quiet and on the chopping block. I’m keeping my options open with him, not saying I’m going to work with him, but not not saying I’m going to work with him. Finally Cheatham. He’s honestly the only person on the tribe that I don’t have a relationship with, and because of that, he’s my target. This time around I HAVE to play calmer, and as much as I want to flip things on this majority alliance consisting of Trent, Malik, Olivia, Keegan and myself, I need to use it to get past these first couple votes. What has me so paranoid, is it makes the MOST sense to take me out right now. I haven’t solidified connections, I have an intimidating record, the strategy didn’t win the challenge, and everyone finds me likable which should be a GIANT red flag. I would be who I would go after, so why aren’t they??? And then that makes me paranoid, but it would be a lot of effort to make this alliance just to make someone feel comfortable. So if the path of least resistance is sending Cheatham home, I have to fight every desire I have to cause chaos, and make sure that’s what happens, because strategically it’s the smartest thing to do. Anticipating this season having a lot of swaps, if Cheatham leaves then I have a solid relationship with everyone else going into a swap, and swaps are when I’m going to be the MOST vulnerable. That and the merge but let’s survive this vote before we even start THINKING of that. 

There’s always that major fear that like everyone is lying their ass off to you and it’s actually you but I pray that ain’t true

[g0dtier]

THANK U!! To start: I'm 19yrs old. Ok well I started work a month ago and there was an older coworker there I found attractive. Not looks, just personality. Like damn he's amazing and kind and just a Good Person. Then a few days ago he asked for my Snapchat and I was like sure why not. Hes married with kids so I didn't think anything of it. His wife is Stunning too like hot damn. But then he like ?Seemed to be flirting ya know. Flirting. At me. Like. Why. How. WHY. so I was slightly concerned(1)

2) now he's just amazing really and I can see why his wife fell for him cuz that personality is The Best. And I'm pretty open and I always connect better with adults. Always. Even when I was a kid, all my friends were middle aged adults. Idk why. Prob cuz due to life I stopped being childish years ago. But anyway, after work, I was heading to the beach. He saw on my story and asked if he could come visit before he went to work again. Why not? It's public and I trust him and myself3) Btw did I mention he's fucking 40?? Yea. Anyway while at the beach he opened up about how he likes me and he doesn't know why but it's how he feels and he leaned in and kissed me and idk what to do. The kiss was so good and I kissed back. But at the same time WTF is happening. I could kiss him forever BUT he's married. And older. Even tho I like that. He said what happens next is up to me and he'll stop 100% no questions asked if I tell him nook. hm. first of all, i want you to know that i understand (and sort of have been in) your situation completely. but also, holy shit get the fuck out of there. now.

there is nothing wrong with your feelings. honestly ive had my fair share of crushes on older people, so lmfao i know what you mean. there is legit nothing wrong about your behavior in this situation, because you like him and this stuff happens, but imma just list a couple of things on why this dude is Not the person you feel he is and why his behavior is really, really scary. It’s not gonna be fun but please, im gonna go ahead and feel like you came to me because you (hopefully) value my honest opinion, so please hear me out.

You have known him for a month. He is 40 years old. This is legal, but ask yourself, even if he’s super funny/charming/caring/seems responsible, what kind of person would cheat on his wife and kids with a 19 year old colleague that he’s known for a month? Like I said, the fault here isn’t with you, but any person who legitimately acts this way is not as charming as he seems. Especially with him having multiple kids (im gonna guess at least one is around 10, 11 years old? youre less than twice that age). Parents should be responsible and know how creepy it is to cheat on your spouse with someone who’s literally barely legal.

He is your colleague. You have worked there for a month, I’m gonna go and guess he’s worked there for several years. He has authority over you, and not just in the “he’s been here longer”, as in “if you let him put you in a vulnerable situation he could literally ruin your fucking resume. If he’s good friends with the bossman, as soon as he feels in danger/you do something he doesn’t like, he could probably get you fired AND have the bossman write down a bad review for future companies who might do background checks. He could blackmail the fuck out of you if needed. Relationship with a colleague? Bad idea. Relationship with a significantly older colleague who has this kinda authority over you? No.

Again, I know you feel like his personality is the best and he probably wouldn’t do that, but he knows DAMN WELL he shouldn’t be trying to bed you. Nobody puts their wife, kids, job AND public rep as “not a fucking creep” on the line within a month without being damn confident that they won’t get caught. Hence the blackmail part above.

The whole “You can stop this at any time if we do this” is a ruse. You can’t. He has power over you.

The “I don’t know why I like you I just do” is also a ruse. He’s 40. He’s married. He is not some inexperienced 20yo who doesn’t understand his own feelings. If he’s still in the stage of “idk why i like u i just do so i cheated on my wife and kids to be with you on the side” at 40yo and married then there’s something mentally wrong with him.

Imagine if you went and took his offer. Aside from the vulnerable position he puts you in, imagine if you fully fell in love with him. I am 100% sure he’s not gonna make it public that he’s dating you. You will be the secret. Which will make you even more vulnerable, especially if you’re emotionally invested in him. You will be a 19yo in a secret relationship with your 40 year old colleague who also has a wife and kids. This is not a happy way to live. No matter how much you like him now, that kind of relationship is never worth it and he knows it and he does not care. If he felt like you deserved a healthy, happy relationship, he wouldn’t have kissed you because he knows he couldnt provide that if he tried.

Imagine IF, against all odds, he decided to give up his wife and kids to live a happy life with you. Imagine he dies at 60. You will be the 40 year old widow.

This is not a healthy situation, this is not a life you want to live, and he knows it anon. He’s so damn sure about his safety in this situation that he went this far within a month. His wife, kids and job will be gone if anyone finds out about this and still he did it. He’s sure he won’t get hurt because he knows he’s got you in the palm of his hand. Which is logical, and 100% not something you could do anything about, but it’s super fucked up of him to do.

This is probably not the answer you were looking for, but the only one I can give. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. I know that you’re probably reading this and thinking it’s not true because he’s so sweet and caring and is giving you the time to think about it, so it doesn’t feel creepy, but please look at this situation from a objective point of view and see how creepy this is.

No respectable married adult would put their family and job on the line to have an affair with someone they’ve known for a month, no matter their age. His age just makes it even more shitty for you because you’re more vulnerable now than if he was your age.

Again, nothing in this situation is your fault. When I found out about how my situation was actually really bad, I blamed myself for not noticing it sooner and not “being more mature” or whatever, but it literally doesn’t matter. You’re not the one at fault here but there’s absolutely something wrong with him.

I’m going to bed now because i should’ve been in bed about an hour ago, but i couldn’t not respond to this after getting the 2nd message. I hope you’re ok, I hope you can maybe find a trusted person to talk this over with (not necessarily an authorative figure immediately, but someone you can earnestly talk to about how you feel) and I hope to god you’ll stay away (or even just friends if necessary) from him and stay safe. This can only go wrong and you probably realize this.