#so i googled 'marinate' and i was trying to type 'meaning' after it

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

me: makes a playlist of my most favorite badfinger songs

me months later: listens to one of their full albums that i haven't listened to all the way through in a while

album: plays a song not in my favorites

me: WHY DIDN'T I PUT THIS IN MY FAVORITES PLAYLIST

album: plays another song not in my favorites

me: WHY DIDN'T I PUT THIS IN MY FAVORITES PLAYLIST

album: plays another song not in my favorites

me: WHY DIDN'T I-

repeat this until the entire album is in my favorites

playlist of favorites grows rapidly

[fific7]

Dangerous and Divine - Part 5

Billy Russo x Reader

Summary: Billy Russo is an itch you don’t want to scratch. But he’s all over you like a rash.

A/N: This does not follow canon except for a few random points mentioned this time. It’s mainly fluff, lemon zest 🍋 and a bit of angst. There’s also some Billy POV in there. The GIF is from Exposed, unreleased pilot show in case you’re wondering 😌... Billy vibes.

Warnings: Some drinking & swearing.

(My GIF)

A grin curved his lips upwards, “How d’you like your eggs in the mornin’, ma’am?”

“Over easy,” you grinned back. He tapped his shoulder a couple of times with the kitchen spoon, “Ummm.. how about scrambled? And then I’ll give you the “over easy” version afterwards.”

That damn smirk of his, you thought, it’s downright dangerous.

The two of you were sitting at your kitchen island, eating breakfast. The scrambled eggs were really tasty, you complimented him. He’d preened a little, “I’m quite a good cook, sweetheart,” he said, “learned how to look after myself quite early on in life.”

Suddenly he put his fork down, and looked over at you. His face was serious, and you saw some sadness in his eyes. “My mother abandoned me when I was a really young kid. She was a junkie, and couldn’t look after herself never mind me, so I suppose I should thank her. I’d probably be dead otherwise. Got put in a group home, stayed there until I aged out and went straight into the Marines. And got my degree on the government’s dime.”

Your hand moved to cover his, “Billy, you’ve done so well, and you’ve achieved it all on your own. I’m proud of you, and I hope you’re proud of yourself too.” He beamed at you, eyes crinkling at the corners, “Yeah... yeah, I am. Thanks, angel, I appreciate you sayin’ that. I wanted to tell you about it, wanted to be honest with you. In case when you saw the suits, the car, the penthouse and all, you thought I was some kind of privileged trust fund kid.”

He looked down, “There’s a stigma about growin’ up in the system, y’know? I wanted to get it out on the table so you know who I really am and where I came from.”

“I don’t care about that, Billy.” He nodded, thumb stroking your hand which was still on top of his. “I really hoped that you wouldn’t ... but I wanted to be sure, and I’m really glad you feel like that. Also I needed you to know that I’m bein’ honest with you.”

You thought you saw a closed-off look on his face for a moment, but then it was gone and he smiled over at you.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You had spent the rest of Sunday together, lazing around, watching various shows on Netflix before venturing out for a late lunch to a local diner. Billy had eventually headed home after another steamy session in the bedroom, regretful about not spending the night, sighing that he had a really early start in the morning, a ‘job’ he couldn’t tell you anything about.

He’d explained a bit more about his work earlier in the day while you were eating in the diner. How a lot of it was classified as it was military or political in nature, so he couldn’t go into detail. You’d nodded, and said you understood. But you’d asked some questions nevertheless; how many of the assignments did he go on himself, just how dangerous they were, had he or his men ever been injured.

You got the impression that, although he couldn’t tell you much about who was involved or why they needed protection details, he was pleased you were showing an interest in his work.

The two of you agreed that you’d meet up during the week, Billy saying he’d text you to confirm when and where as he wasn’t sure how long this job would last, maybe at least a couple of days.

He’d insisted on putting his numbers into your phone himself, so you’d unlocked it and handed it to him, wandering back to your bedroom to put some more clothes on. Shortly afterwards he’d kissed you long and hard and made his way downstairs to his car, and you’d watched from your balcony as he drove away. Then you’d laughed at yourself - you were acting like some medieval damsel watching her knight disappear off to war or something.

Sliding the glass door closed, you went to the fridge to pull out a bottle of wine. The apartment suddenly felt very empty without Billy in it. How quickly you’d got used to him being there.

You wandered across to the sofa with your newly-poured glass of wine, noticing your phone on the coffee table. Oh yeah, Billy had added his numbers. A sudden twinge of insecurity hit you. What if he hadn’t actually put his direct numbers in there, and just pretended to? You sat down, looking at it lying there. I mean, it wasn’t like you couldn’t track him down at Anvil, but you would no doubt have to go through a receptionist and you could be endlessly stone-walled.

You eventually picked up the phone and unlocked it. Scrolling to your contacts, you suddenly burst out laughing. Billy had put his numbers in there and had also taken a selfie, him smouldering into the camera. He’d attached it to the contact details with a description.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy drove away from her apartment, truly wishing he could’ve stayed over again.

But then he’d shaken his head slightly, laughing to himself; she’d definitely got one thing right - he was a big sap. Since when did he find himself almost playing house with a woman? Telling her she was his girlfriend - as she’d put it - after five minutes? He was a one-and-done kinda guy!

But then Billy Russo admitted to himself that something had hit him smack in the heart when he’d first seen her, sitting there looking stunning and somehow fragile with that creep trying to come onto her. Well turns out she wasn’t fragile in the least! However when those beautiful eyes had met his... well, he was a goner. Solid gone. And then he’d pursued her like a lovestruck idiot.

He hadn’t ever seriously thought about love. Or believed in it, for that matter. Certainly not when he’d been bedding all those women when he’d been on leave or since he’d left the Marines. All that shit just wasn’t for him. And now? Yeah, not so sure.

Billy almost felt like he was under some kind of spell, it had hit him so quickly. Yeah, like she’d enchanted him or something ridiculous, straight out of a Disney or Harry Potter movie. Was this love, then? His stomach clenched every time he saw her, he just couldn’t stop thinking about her, wanted to be with her all the time, hell he was even jealous of Jake though he wasn’t a threat. Was he? No, surely not. And what about Steve, the other one? Yeah, there he was doing it again - unreasonable jealousy.

And when they’d first slept together, he felt like he’d finally understood what making love meant.

Billy Russo, who until a few days ago had spent most of his leisure time in life actively fucking women - how he’d always described it to himself and others - was now a confirmed big sap. He chuckled to himself.

He suddenly remembered ripping the shit out of a young Marine in his squad who’d come back off leave totally besotted with some girl. The kid had confessed (stupid move) to all the guys that they’d made love, a distant and dreamy look in his eyes. At the time, Billy had scoffed at him and endlessly humiliated him about it. In an affectionate way of course, he told himself.

But he felt guilty about that. Who’s the one with the distant and dreamy gaze now, Russo?

In all truth, Billy felt like he was having some kind of out of body experience. As if Previous Billy Russo was looking down in horror at his new self, yelling at him to get his fucking head back on straight. But New Billy Russo wasn’t listening because, well because he realised he liked feeling this way.

And he thought that she felt the same. He knew she was fighting it and wouldn’t admit anything to him, but there were little tells that had given her away. He decided he’d stay on his best behaviour, just keep trying to win her over, and he felt in his bones that they would be together.

But he did feel a sting of guilt. He had been honest with her, but he’d also been selective with what he’d told her about Anvil, how it all started, and this ongoing shit he and Frank were still embroiled in. One day... one day, and hopefully soon, he could tell her absolutely everything.

His phone, clipped to the dash, vibrated.

He rolled his eyes when he saw the caller ID, hit the button and answered it.

“Dinah... what can I do for you?”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You, meanwhile, had just finished your second glass of wine and were admitting to yourself that you were really missing Billy. Oh this is bad, your brain yelled at you, very bad. You’d only known this guy for a few days and you were falling for him. Or - okay - had already fallen for him. It scared you, quite honestly.

He was charming, funny, handsome, sexy. An amazing lover. He’d been disarmingly honest with you about his past, but... but what? Why was there a ‘but’? Because there was something niggling at the back of your mind. Just a couple of expressions you’d seen on his face, quickly gone. An indication of more happening just underneath the surface than you knew about. Billy had a distinct air of danger about him, and you wondered what else was going on inside that dark head of his.

You’d fallen for him, yes... but you were also going to remain wary of him, until you were certain you knew everything you could about him.

Reaching over and pulling your laptop towards you across the coffee table, you typed Billy’s name into Google.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

The next morning, Billy parked his car and walked into Anvil. His reception staff wished him a respectful Good Morning, he nodded to them and headed upstairs to his office. Frank was already there, reading a newspaper.

“Mornin’ Bill,” he said, looking up. “Frankie,” nodded Billy, “want a coffee?” and kept on walking towards the coffee machine in the corner. “Nah, just had one, thanks.”

He poured out an Americano for himself, then chuckled loudly. Frank quirked an eyebrow at him, and Billy shrugged back. “I met someone last week. She owns two cafés, and she’s a coffee snob. Gonna refine my palate, she said.”

Frank looked back down to his paper before commenting, “I’m impressed you know that much about her, Bill. Didn’t think you bothered cos you usually cut & run.” Billy smirked, knowing he couldn’t dispute what Frank had just said, but he was going to enjoy the next slice of the conversation. Even just to see the expression on Frank’s face.

“I....like her. A lot. I want something with her.” “Something?” Frank chortled, “...you mean, like a relationship, Bill?” He looked closely at Billy, saw the shit-eating grin he had on his face and his jaw dropped. “You do, don’t you?! Fuckin’ hell! Never thought I’d see the day, Russo.” Billy burst out laughing.

“Well, that makes two of us, Frankie. But...” he spread his hands out to either side of him, “...it is what it is. And I’ll fill you in on all the details later. Now, this thing with Madani and Homeland - let’s get it nailed down.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

That same morning, you sat at your desk and slowly twirled from side to side in your chair. You sipped your cappuccino, and thought about Billy.

Little cousin had done you a favour this time and earlier on had delved into her company’s database, digging out some further information on Billy and Anvil which Google couldn’t provide you with. All it had given you was the bare minimum of the company’s founding date and numerous photos of Billy looking hot in his designer suits.

She told you she’d heard of him, and had also seen him at several events similar to the one you’d attended. You’d admitted you were seeing him, and she’d firstly screeched down the phone at you, nearly bursting your eardrum, before saying, “Now see, if you hadn’t gone in my place you wouldn’t have met him!” “Yeah, yeah, alright. Tell me what you’ve got for me.”

In a more serious tone, she said, “Just be careful though, his company seems a little... well, shady let’s just say. I mean, in the security business,” her voice lowered, “there’s usually some dodgy dealings or other going on. But him and his colleagues seem to have got themselves in some deep water with two federal agencies. I’ll email this stuff to you now and you’ll see what I mean.” You thanked her and hung up before she could tell you that now you owed her another favour.

You’d read through the attachments she’d sent you, and your eyes had got wide as you read that Billy and Anvil had originally been funded by a shadowy CIA guy, who’d then been killed in a gun battle between un-named protagonists. You sussed out that Anvil must’ve been one of those involved, as Billy and his friend Frank had been arrested and interrogated by Homeland Security before being released without charge. That struck you as a bit odd, but there were no more details available.

Your phone had chosen that moment to buzz with a FaceTime call from the man himself. You’d hesitated then accepted the call, and Billy’s handsome face popped up in front of you, with a wide smile plastered on it. You could see he was in his car. “Mornin’, sweetheart,” he said in a low sexy voice, and you felt your stomach tighten with excitement. This guy... the effect he had on you....!

You’d smiled and replied, “Morning, Billy.” He tilted his head towards you, dark eyes drawing you in, “Missin’ me? Because I’m missing you.” Shaking your head, smirking, you said, “We only saw each other a few hours ago so no, I’m not.” A cheeky grin from him this time, “Don’t believe you, angel, I think you can’t wait to see me again.” “You’re such a cocky bastard, Billy,” you laughed, “Why are you calling, exactly?”

His smile was a genuine one as he said, “I just wanted to see you before I head off to this job. Not sure when I’ll be able to call next. Remember - I’ll let you know as soon as I can when we can meet up this week.” You nodded, “Yeah, don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten.” He blew you a kiss, saying “Bye, angel,” before he rang off.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

One of your friends had called shortly afterwards to ask if you wanted to meet up for lunch, as you hadn’t seen each other in quite a while. Deciding that you could do with some girl time, you arranged to meet her in a steak house near the Chrysler Building, and then decided you’d better get some work done before you headed out for your long lunch hour.

The two of you had met up just outside the restaurant and had gone in chatting away to each other. Being shown to your table, you sat down only to spot Billy Russo walking in behind a small dark-haired woman. Your mouth dropped open, and your eyes took in every detail of her. She was pretty, with big dark eyes, olive skin and wavy hair in a shoulder-length bob. Billy, you noted, had his hand on her lower back, guiding her to their table, just as he had with you when you went for your first drink with him.

You leant forward to your friend, “I’m so sorry about this but we’re gonna have to go somewhere else.” She looked concerned, “What’s wrong?” “Someone I need to avoid just came in,” you explained, “c’mon, I’ll tell them I’ve had an emergency at work or something.” You both stood up, and you fled from the restaurant before you repeated your actions at that house party, which had got you arrested. You didn’t want to end up in jail this time just because of that jerk and his little lady.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy looked up as two women who’d been sitting near him stood up and started rushing towards the door. Weird, he thought, they hadn’t even been served judging by the menus still laying on their place settings. He looked back at them, and one of them turned back briefly to her friend behind her as they exited the premises.

His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. It was her. His angel. Oh fuck! Did she..? Yes, she must’ve seen him and... he glanced at Madani across the table from him, reading through the menu choices. She glanced up, smirking at Billy but it quickly dropped off her face, when she saw the expression on his.

“Billy?” she said, but he’d dumped his napkin onto his plate by now and was standing up.

“Sorry, Dinah... I gotta go.” An annoyed look on her face, she growled, “You’re kidding, right?”

“No, I’m not. I... there’s someone I gotta catch up with, and I just saw them leaving.” He walked away from their table, and towards the door of the restaurant. As he did so he heard Madani say in a harsh voice, “Is it a woman, Russo?” but ignored her.

He made it out onto the street, looking around him in all directions, heart sinking as he couldn’t see her anywhere.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

@blackbirddaredevil23

[ourwrittenstories-arch]

○○Blog info~~

Info on my rules and muses for mobile under the read more

Side blog to @somexofusxarexhuman < Canon Stiles RP

Please remember this is an RP blog and not an Art blog, to see my art follow me here on twitter >>> ***CLICK***

My open starters > CLICK <

Anyone can reply, please don't let reblog amount scare you!

Rules::

Rule one

Please be patient with me. I’m either stupid fast at replying or I take a few days. If it seems I’ve forgotten you, though, send me an IM

Rule Two

That being said I will reply when I feel like. I will always tell you if I need to drop a thread, if I take long it doesn’t mean I’ve dropped it. If you need to drop it because I’m taking too long, let me know. I promise not to be mad.

Rule Three

I will not RP with anyone under the age of 18, even if the thread has no smut. I’m sorry, but no. This is an adult oriented blog. Heavy themes, along with smut, will be regularly posted in rp formal and/or in images.

Rule Four

I will not RP with anime/cartoon/game FC’s (There are exceptions like RE8 chars). I will also not RP with any deceased FC’s

Rule Five

As awesome as it would be to be bilingual, I only speak and know English.  Anything you see me post that is not English was brought to you by Google Translate.

Rule Six

I do not have a verse page, but that doesn’t mean I’m not open to AU’s. I LOVE AU’s. I’m a multi-ship multi-post blog and am trash for any and all AU’s. Just ask!

Rule Seven

I can write a lot in my replies (And a lot of it can be unnecessary detail) but don't feel pressured to match my length! Just, please, try to give me something more than two sentences to work with. I don't typically enjoy writing short replies, but I understand muses can be fickle things.

Rule Eight

I don't enjoy pregnancy threads or writing children so I, typically, will steer clear of those types of threads. If our muses have been in a long relationship (and we have been writing partners for a while as well) I may make an exception, but don't come in expecting babies. My girls all have IUD's unless stated otherwise. That being said I am 100% down with the breeding kink.

Rule Nine

If a muse has (unknown) somewhere in their age it means they are old old. Like 100+, so age can be changed if you are uncomfortable with age gap.

Rule Ten

I have a handful of chronic issues that effect my sleep and my mood so I'm up all hours of the day. I live in EST time zone, but I'm often up at 4AM so.....it's a gamble lol!

Rule Eleven

I have SEVERE ANXIETY and struggle messaging new people. IF I FOLLOWED YOU I WANT TO RP WITH YOU! I'm probably just figuring out how to message you without puking lol. I would appreciate the help, if you want, or you can wait until I gather the enrve.

Rule Twelve

My grammar isn't the best in the galaxy, ok? I over use comma's and never really figured out the semi-colon. If something is horribly wrong or you can't understand what I've written, just ask please.

Rule Thirteen

I will tag major triggers (ie; Snakes, Spiders etc) but I won't tag smut or NSFW unless it really needs it.

Rule Fourteen

If I have ever posted a meme please feel free to send one in even if it was a year ago! With that in mind, I do prefer introduction threads with new muns/characters if I am not familiar with them.

Rule Fifteen

Don't like my starters

Rule Sixteen

Don't God-Mod blah blah and Follow TOS k I love you <3 <3

Muses:

Girls:

Inessa Morea

Nicknames: Nessy, Nessa, Ness Age: Unknwon (25) DoB: May 11th Pronouns: She/Her Species: Nymph (Forest) Sexual Orientation: Bi-Curious Position: Sub (Potentially verse) Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: New York Occupation: Flourist Personality: Sweet, Curious, Oblivious, Playful, Innocent, Devious Face Claim: Candice King ○

Cassia Poole-

Nicknames: Cass, Cassy Age: Unknown (19-24) DoB: November 3rd Pronouns: She/Her Species: Nymph (Water(mermaid)) Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Position: Sub Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: New York Occupation: Student (Robotics and Marine bio-tech)/ Swim coach Personality:Innocent, Nerdy, Hyperactive, Bratty, Playful, Lame Face Claim: Jane Levy ○

 Amara Nyx

Nicknames: Marr Age: Unknown (32) DoB: Oct 13th Pronouns: She/Her Species: Nymph (Underworld) Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Position: Versatile Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: New York Occupation: None/ Sugar baby Personality: Smart ass, Rude, Bitchy, Judgmental, Hateful, Possessive, Affectionate Face Claim: Elizabeth Gillies ○

Laleh Narvaez

Nicknames: Lala Age: 25(600) DoB: Sept 4th Pronouns: She/Her Species:Lamia/Naga Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Position: Versatile Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: Argentina Occupation: Dancer/Jack of all Trades for Freak Show/Snake Charmer(Circus) Personality:Sharp, Sultry, Flirtatious, Seductive, Venomous Face Claim: Eiza Gonzalez ○

Samira Eve

Nickname: Sam, Sammy, Mira Age: (Unknown) 20-23 DoB: June 2nd Pronouns: She/Her Species: Air Nymph Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Position: Verse Romantic Orientation: Panromantic Hometown: Boston Occupation: Thief/Courier Personality: Sarcastic, Smooth, Sassy, Flighty, Unreliable, Persuasive, troublemaker FC: Elisha Applebaum

○

Maybelline New-York

Nicknames: May Age: 28 DoB:Sep 17 Pronouns: She/Her Species: Zombie Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Position: Sub Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: New Orleans Occupation: None Personality: Shy, Angry, Mute, Hungry, Sassy" Bio: Maybelline has no memory of her life before she had been murdered at the age of 23. Hell, she's not even certain that's her age. Her name came from reading a magazine ad when asked who she was after walking into morgue. Zombies had been a small pest problem for a while now, usually obvious in their appearance and traits, but something inside of May kept her from fully succumbing to the sickness. All she felt was hunger and, after begging the mortician to, promptly sewed her mouth shut and clipped her nails. Now she speaks in sign or with a chalkboard she carries around to communicate. After weeks of study, it was discovered that Maybelline had a tumor that had taken over the majority of her brain, blocking the strain from traveling and taking her over. Face Claim: Camila Mendes ○

Juniper Lee

Nicknames: June, Junie Age:29 DoB: Feb 16th Pronouns: She/Her Species:Witch Sexual Orientation: Straight Position: Submissive Romantic Orientation: Straight Hometown: Seoul until 5 then Massachusetts Occupation:Herbalist/Illusionist Personality:Soft spoken, Kind, Intelligent, Playful, Self Concious, Delicate, unsure Face Claim: Jamie Chung ○

 Barabelle Gunn

Nicknames: Belle, Belly, Bara Age:27 DoB: May 28th Pronouns: She/Her Species: Human Sexual Orientation: Straight Position: Versatile Romantic Orientation: Straight Hometown: Killin Scottland Occupation: Hunter (supernatural) / Mercenary Personality: Brash, Rude, Sarcastic, Bull Headed, Loyal, Protective Face Claim: Karen Gillan AU Verses-  Resident Evil 8 Verse ○ Leora Brandr Nicknames: Leo Age: Unknown (26) DoB: Dec 21st Pronouns: She/Her Species: Nymph (Fire) Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Position: Versatile Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: Queens Occupation: Pilot/ Glass Blower Personality: Gentle, Kind, Shy, Short-Fused, Fiery, Passionate Face Claim: Daisy Ridley

Boys:

Carlyle Abrams

Nicknames: Lyle Age:32 DoB: April 16th Pronouns: He/Him Species:Human Sexual Orientation: Straight Position: Top/Dominant Romantic Orientation: Straight Hometown: London Occupation: Private Investigator Personality: Charming,Calm, Kind, Playful, Posessive, Warm Face Claim: Adam Driver ○

Maxwell Ardeleane Nicknames: Max Age: Unknown (31) DoB: January 8th Pronouns: He/Him Species: Elder Vampire Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Position: Top/Dominant Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: Bucharest Romania Occupation: Mob Boss Personality: Charming, Polite, Sarcastic,Dark, Cruel, Posessive." Face Claim: Tyler Hoechlin ○ Syrian Nyx

Nicknames: Syrian Age: Unknown(34) DoB: Oct 13th Pronouns: He/Him Species: Nymph (Underworld) (Alpha) Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Position: Top/Dominant Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: New York Occupation: Bank CEO Personality:Charming, Egotistical, Posessive, Rude, Dark Humor Face Claim: Oliver Jackson-Cohen ○ Esben Hvit

Nicknames: Esben, Ben, Es Age: 27 DoB: Oct 20 Pronouns: He/Him Species: Were-Raven (Albino) Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Position: Vesatile Romantic Orientation: Biromantic Hometown:Seattle Occupation: Famous Writer(Penned under Raven White) Personality:Cocky, Quiet, Shy, Rude, Snarky, Intelligent Face Claim: Lucky Blue Smith ○

Carter Higgins

Nicknames: Carter, Car Age: 24 DoB: June 12 Pronouns: He/Him Species: Human Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Position: Vesatile Romantic Orientation: Biromantic Hometown: Nashville Tenn Occupation: Street/Bar Musician Personality:Sweet, Friendly, Romantic, Goofy, Playful Face Claim: Cody Christian

----

Canon characters:

Peter Hale: Teen Wolf

Chris Argent: Teen Wolf

Tags:

#selfie;(name) - Photo’s of characters

(name)Starter- Starter for specific character

#wanted opposite - Wanted partner or character to rp with

more TBA

[notebooknebula]

Jeremy Knauff - His Inspiring Story of Surviving A Health Crisis

https://www.jayconner.com/jeremy-knauff-his-inspiring-story-of-surviving-a-health-crisis/

If you are interested in hearing and learning the most inspiring story that Jay Conner heard this year, stay tuned and watch this video.

Jay is in the Mastermind group with a gentleman who is phenomenal. His special guest today has experienced a health crisis and survived it.

In today’s episode, they are going to dive deep into the inspiring story of Jeremy Knauff.

Jeremy has become successful not because of brilliance, charm, or a superpower, but rather because he’s always learning and refuses to give up. He is a speaker, author, and founder of the digital marketing agency Spartan Media.

He is an entrepreneur, digital marketer, author, proud father, husband, and a US Marine Corps veteran. Today, he runs Spartan Media, a digital marketing agency where they provide web design, SEO, social media, and PPC marketing services.

“A lot of the people I work with come to me because they have a website but they aren’t getting enough new business out of it. Other people come to me because they’re losing business to competitors, or because they don’t think their website presents their company to potential customers very well, or even because they’re starting a company from scratch and they don’t want to screw it up and waste a ton of money. If that describes you or sounds like anyone you know, let’s connect.” – Jeremy Knauff – https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeremyknauff

If you want to learn how to get funding for your deals using private money, get on over www.JayConner.com/trial  for 30 days of free access to Private Money Academy.

Real Estate Cashflow Conference:

https://www.jayconner.com/learnreales...

Free Webinar:

http://bit.ly/jaymoneypodcast

Jay Conner is a proven real estate investment leader. Without using his own money or credit, Jay maximizes creative methods to buy and sell properties with profits averaging $64,000 per deal.

#RealEstate

#PrivateMoney

#FlipYourHouse

What is Real Estate Investing? Live Cashflow Conference

https://youtu.be/QyeBbDOF4wo

Channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZfl...

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---------------------------------------------------------

Jay Conner (00:04):

If you are interested in learning and hearing one of the most inspiring stories that I've heard this year, I want you to stay tuned. I'm in a Mastermind group where the gentleman that is just phenomenal, he has taken his filter off totally. And he has made it through and survive on the other side, just a very serious health crisis. And so if you are going through a health crisis or, you know someone that is going through a health crisis, stay tuned right now, you're about to be inspired.

Jay Conner (00:45):

Well, welcome to another episode of Real Estate Investing with Jay Conner. I'm Jay Conner also known as the Private Money Authority. And on today's show, we're going to take a little bit of a detour. We're not going to dive deep into real estate per se, but we are going to dive deep into a very inspiring story that can change your life and make a difference. But before we get to my guest, I have got a gift for you. And that is if you're interested in getting funding for your real estate deals, without relying on banks, mortgage companies, any kind of institutional lenders, then here's my gift. I launched earlier this year, it's called the Private Money Academy membership. And twice a month, I go live on a private Zoom coaching call, and I interview successful students. We taught deals. Talk about how we're finding real estate deals, how we're getting them funded with private money.

Jay Conner (01:43):

Again, without relying on banks and institutional lenders. We talk about all kinds of real estate, but I want to give you a free gift. Come join us and check us out at www.JayConner.com/Trial, after the show, get right on over to www.JayConner.com/Trial, And again, if you're on a YouTube or iTunes or Google play, we really appreciate it for you to like share subscribe, rate, and review and on YouTube, be sure and tap that little bell. So you'll be notified. So you don't miss out on any of these fantastic shows and guests that I have on here. Well, as I mentioned or alluded to a moment ago, I'm so excited to have a friend, and fellow mastermind brother, come on here to the show to tell his story and make a difference in your life. So let's bring out of the green room or right on here up front. Mr. Jeremy, Jeremy, are you there?

Jeremy (02:48):

I am here. How are you doing today, man?

Jay Conner (02:49):

Scott, I lost connection. So I'm going to sign out real quick and hop right back in. I'll be right back.

Jay Conner (03:00):

There we are. Jeremy, can you hear me?

Jeremy (03:02):

I can hear you.

Jay Conner (03:03):

All right. Well, welcome to the show, Jeremy. I appreciate so much. You've taken the time to come on and join me.

Jeremy (03:10):

Thank you. It's my pleasure.

Jay Conner (03:11):

You bet you. Well, as I mentioned to everybody here in the opening you and I are in a Mastermind together and a few weeks ago, I heard you speak on stage and I just really appreciated your authenticity and et cetera. But before we jump into your story of breaking through and living through the health crisis tell her about your background story and how you gotten to where you are today and tell a little bit about Spartan Media.

Jeremy Knauff (03:44):

Yeah, so I've had kind of a, an interesting ride. You know, I finished high school joined the Marine Corps, bounced all over the world there for a while. And then started my first business, which was a colossal failure. Pretty much lost everything went into massive debt from there. Spent a few years kind of rebuilding started my second company an agency, and ran that successfully for many years until the episode that you had briefly hinted at in the beginning here, when I had a health crisis that almost killed me. And then, you know, racked up hundreds of thousands of dollars of medical expenses and bills and burn through all of our savings. Basically had to start over from zero, well from less than zero, really because we had racked up debt and, you know, then I had the additional challenge of starting over, which in the marketing world, you know, at that point, I was pretty much on my death bed for about two years. So there was no case studies, there was no examples, there was no clients. So I had to start over from less than zero at that point. And now here I am today.

Jay Conner (04:52):

Wow. So I want us to get into your health crisis story and lessons. We can learn from that, but before we do tell everybody about Spartan Media and what your company does.

Jeremy Knauff (05:04):

So Spartan media is a, basically it's a full service digital marketing agency, but what we've been focusing on lately is taking people and turning them into an authority within their industry. Right now the website doesn't really reflect that because the cobbler's kids always gets shoes last, but what we've been doing lately is taking people and turning them into an authority within their industry. So there's a particular example that I like to use. And that's this example was kind of the pivot point for me. At one point in time, me and a good friend of mine, I ran my marketing agency, he ran a printing company, a particular client together. You know, he did all the printing stuff, we did all the marketing design and all of that. Well, at some point in that relationship, he decided to sell his printing business and go work for client.

Jeremy Knauff (05:58):

And he quickly moved up to become the Chief operating officer. But then because of some things that happened with the founder the company was kind of in turmoil. And they got to a point where I think it was 19 franchisees were walking away from the organization. They were trying to organize a class action lawsuit. They had all kinds of online reputation management problems to deal with. It was just, it was a complete toxic mess from top to bottom, but what happened was because of all the things we were doing for them with the search engine optimization, the social media, the PR, all of the various marketing components. He went from basically having no experience, being nobody in the industry. I left out a piece. He, the founder had to step down and he had to step up and become the CEO because at that point, the relationships were just destroyed.

Jeremy Knauff (06:49):

So as a result of all of the things that we were doing for them, he ended up becoming so recognized. And so authoritative within his industry that last year, before all this COVID stuff happened, I was actually in DC with him. He was lobbying Congress on behalf of his industry. So he went from basically being nobody in that industry to now he's up here talking with congressmen and senators about the laws that affect that industry. So we develop that into a front end service where we basically take someone and turn them into an authority within their industry so that they can get more media coverage, get in front of more people charge more money and you know, make more profit.

Jay Conner (07:31):

So what is your like ideal client? Like what type of industries does your service work well for?

Jeremy Knauff (07:38):

Generally, it comes down to somebody in a, like a professional business services, right? So it wouldn't be necessarily good for a restaurant owner. I mean, although it, theoretically it could help them in some ways it's not going to have the same impact that it might for somebody like you, where you want to be recognized as the person to talk to when it comes to this kind of stuff, private money, hard money lending, stuff like that. So generally somebody that's in a professional business service is going to see the most impact from this.

Jay Conner (08:06):

Okay. That makes sense. Well, let's let's dive into your personal experience and your personal story.

Jeremy (08:13):

Yeah.

Jay Conner (08:13):

So I'm going to turn it over to you to tell that story, Jeremy, and I'll interrupt you when I think I need to.

Jeremy Knauff (08:19):

Okay. All right. So this one was a, this was an interesting ride. I touched briefly on the crisis itself, but basically what happened was I was kind of on top of the world, had plenty of clients had plenty of money. Everything was going great. And then out of the blue, I get hit with this, with this health crisis. And, you know, I went to every doctor under the sun. I was going to the emergency room three to five times a week. I was trying to figure this out. Nobody had any answers and it just kept getting worse and worse and worse. So, I was pretty much on my bed for the first two years of this. You know, we did all kinds of things from a pharmaceutical perspective, from a diet perspective, I was seeing all kinds of specialists. I was seeing, you know, things I would have never considered like, you know, energy healers and acupuncturists and all kinds of non-traditional approaches.

Jeremy Knauff (09:13):

And throughout the beginning of this, it was incredibly frustrating because the doctors didn't know what it was. So they just dismissed it. It was, Oh, well, you're having a, you're having a panic attack. You're having an anxiety attack. Well, I knew that wasn't the case, right? Because I had this pain from basically head to toe from the skin down to the bone and it was constant. It was 24 seven. And it was a level of pain that I have never felt in my life. It was a 10 on my chart. And to put that in perspective, I took a tattoo off with a drum sander once. All right. So I have an abnormally high pain tolerance. So I've got this excruciating pain in basically every cell of my body, no doctors have any answers. There's no idea as to when it's going to end.

Jeremy Knauff (09:58):

And there was a point where I'm walking around my house, as you know, as this stuff is going on. And I didn't mention this on stage, but I have a lot of weapons in my house. A lot of firearms I'm Marine, this shouldn't surprise anybody, but I remember walking around and I would see these weapons in various rooms. And I would be feeling this incredible pain. And I knew that there was no answer. There was no idea as to when it was going to end, how it was going to be solved? And I got to a point where I actually understood how people got to a point where they chose to take their life.

Jeremy Knauff (10:39):

And it got to the point where I actually took everything, disassembled, everything tossed in a duffel bags. And I called a friend and I was like, look, I, we don't really have anything to worry about yet, but I'm just letting you know that I may ask you to come pick these up and store them at your house for a little while. Right. So I've got all these thoughts that are just like, absolutely outrageous. Like I've never had these kinds of thoughts before. And then right around that time, one of the toughest guys I've ever met, a guy I served with, his name was Todd Grant ended up taking his life.

Jeremy Knauff (11:18):

And as Terrible as that situation was, I also feel like it was a sign, right? Like I'm going through this, this happens. And I figured at that point, this is going to be, it's a sign. And we're going to find a silver lining in this situation. And where I saw from that was, this is an opportunity to help fellow veterans. I don't know if you're aware of this, but within the veteran community, we're losing 22 roughly per day to suicide. So from that point, I made it my mission to, despite going through this insane health crisis, despite being in massive pain with no idea what the hell is causing it, or when it's going to end, or if it, if we even could fix it. I'm going to get out there. I'm going to get back on top. I'm going to serve as an example to the other veterans, to the other people who are struggling. Even non-veterans everybody, people who are struggling, people who don't know what they're going to do, they don't see a solution to their problem.

Jeremy Knauff (12:22):

And, you know, I began being very vocal about the challenges I was going through. I was very vocal about what's going on, what you know, how to overcome these things. I was just completely transparent in all of this. And at the same time, I started reaching out to people who I knew were struggling, fellow veterans, as well as civilians. And it got to a point where my number was just freely passed around. And pretty much everybody knew that if somebody was struggling, they could give out my number freely to anybody. And as a result of that, I, there are several people that I've talked to. I've probably counseled hundreds of veterans over the several years that this health crisis has gone on. I remember one particular one that was really moving for me. And that was a buddy of mine from high school, reached out to me one night and he's like, Hey, we've got this guy.

Jeremy Knauff (13:20):

You know, he just got back from Iraq. He's going through all these issues. We've sent him everywhere. He's gone to all the counselors. He's gone to all the, you know, the doctors he's done everything and nothing's working. And he's like, do you mind if I give him your phone number? I was like, absolutely, have him call me. So the kid called me we were out of town visiting a friend of my wife's. And so I take the call. I go outside and I'm talking to this kid for, I don't know, probably two, three hours, get him to a point where I think he's in a good spot. Come back in the house now because of my health crisis, I've got my phone set to where at a certain time in the evening, it goes into do not disturb mode. So it's not going to ring things will still show up on the screen, but it's not going to make any noise.

Jeremy Knauff (14:06):

So, I come back in the house just a few minutes after he and I had talked and I got this little thing that dings up on the phone, no noise, just notification on the screen, it's a voicemail. So I pick it up and listen to it. Cause it was, it was him. And I'm like, well, maybe, maybe something went wrong. Maybe he's still got a problem, whatever. I listened to the voicemail and he's just sobbing uncontrollably. And he's like, I just, like, I don't know what to say. I've talked to all these counselors, nobody's had any answers. And like, I talked to you and you just, you get it. And now I'm like, I'm in a place where I see a light at the end of the tunnel and I see what's possible. And like I'm in a, such a different place than I was even before I was in the military.

Jeremy Knauff (14:45):

And he's like, you know, just thank you. And it was just such an emotional message. And that's the kind of thing that I took out of this whole experience is the silver lining here is had I not gone through this? Had I not had this pain, had this health crisis, had all this stuff happened to me, lose everything, start over and get to a point where I understood how people could take their lives. I may not have ended up on this path where I started helping other veterans and helping other people who are struggling. So that was something that I think I took out of that whole experience, just, you know, to be able to give back into the world in that way and, you know, save people who are struggling in that regard.

Jay Conner (15:28):

Wow. That's amazing. So I know you can't summarize a three hour conversation in three minutes, but what I mean? So you've council just, you know, a lot of people that have had suicidal thoughts and, you know, really, I mean, one of my best friends in the world is I mean, he actually speaks at my live events and a few years ago he took his filter off. And I mean, he had actually gotten to the point of, you know, Googling, you know, how to commit suicide. He'd actually figured out how he was gonna do it. And so he's got his story, but for people that are out there and you know, when the times are going on now, average suicide rates are just out the ceiling before, you know, as compared to historically. But what are some strategies or some therapies that you could share that maybe you have as a common thread when you're talking to people?

Jeremy Knauff (16:42):

From what perspective, as far as like somebody, for somebody who's trying to,

Jay Conner (16:47):

Yeah. Obviously you listened to them in every story is different because every person is different. But is there a way you can share, what are some ways that you get into think about to get into a better place as you?

Jeremy Knauff (17:02):

Yeah. So ultimately you have to look at the situation as an opportunity because every situation is an opportunity provided that you can allow yourself to see it that way. You know, and this was what I went through in the beginning of mine. It was like, well, why me? Why this, this is. Why should this, why should I have to deal with this? But the reality is things happen. The why doesn't really matter. It's up to us to figure out what value we can take from a situation. So what value I took from this, you know, I'm going through this particular thing. And then on top of it, a guy that I served with took his life. Well, I had to find some kind of value in that. And that was how I was able to get through this because now, I mean, think about it, what the hell happens if I decide to take my life? All these hundreds or thousands of people who have been looking up and I've got this thing, I call it the cookie jar, and this is something we'll actually touch on here shortly. Cause this is another way that can help get through these. But like, I've got various messages that I got from people over the years of, you know, how my posts have inspired them or motivated them to push through this particular challenge or that challenge or whatever. So that's a good way to do that is, is having that, what we call it cookie jar, but, had I not done this, had I not found that value in it.

Jeremy Knauff (18:22):

I would not have gone down this path. And I know I don't have the exact count in my head, but I know there's a certain number of people who would not be here today. So, let's say that I didn't, let's say that I got to a point where I took my life. What the hell is that going to show to those people? So now that that meeting is there. That's something to carry me through no matter how bad things get. So as long as we have a strong, why we're going to be able to get through anything, that's why you see, you know, the military doing things that ordinary people can't do. It's because they have a mission and it's not just the mission on paper. It's not, Hey, go kill these guys or blow that up or whatever. It's their mission is the guy to their left and their right in combat.

Jeremy Knauff (19:04):

It's their brothers and their sisters. So when we have a strong, why we have a powerful mission behind what we're doing, that allows us to go through something. And that's why people in general don't accomplish their goals because they want to do it. If it's convenient, they don't want to do it no matter what, they just want to do it when it's nice and simple. So that's, that's one aspect is having a really strong why. The second aspect is the cookie jar thing that I talked about, where you basically take things that you've overcome in your life, right? Like we've all had some pretty terrible things happen to us. So if you can go back and look at those significant challenges, those difficult times and use those as motivation. It's like, Hey, I got through this, I got through that, I got through this.

Jeremy Knauff (19:51):

Then you can use that as fuel. Well, that's just another case of this, right? So now you just, you have that, it's like, I've already done this. Let's just do it again. And the cookie jar, you can look at it in a number of ways. You can have it be something in your head. You could have it be something tangible, like the collection of messages that I've got from various people. It could be, you know, maybe you've got a what a buddy of mine in the military used to call his, I love me wall, all the awards and the recognition and the things he had accomplished. When we have this kind of thing that shows us that what we've done has prepared us for what we're going through now. And I mean, you can even purely look at that from a physical perspective, right?

Jeremy Knauff (20:32):

You know, you look at what we do in the military, or you look at what an elite athlete does, and they're not, let's say you're going to go run a three mile race. You're not going to go run three miles. Your training is going to consist of you running, you know, six, nine, maybe twelve miles. You might do a series of sprints. You might do all these different things that are larger than what you're actually trying to accomplish. So when we look back at the things that we've actually done to prepare for what we're doing in the totality, we've already overcome the thing that we're facing. We just haven't put all the pieces together to realize that.

Jay Conner (21:06):

That is wonderful. Now, you mentioned a moment ago that people you get feedback from people really being inspired and helped with your post. Where could people see your posts and, you know, the types of things that you're posting?

Jeremy Knauff (21:23):

I mean, I'm pretty active on especially on Facebook, but I'm active on most of the social media platforms. I'm not a hard guy to find considering what I do. I'm pretty public and pretty out there. So Yeah.

Jay Conner (21:36):

So Scott, let's put Jeremy's name up there. And so folks, the spelling there is, and if in case you're just listening is Jeremy, J E R E M Y. And his last name is K N A U F F as in farmer farmer. And I guess it's okay to give out your email since we've got it up there on the screen.

Jeremy Knauff (21:57):

Already out there now. It's all over the place anyway. So it's all good.

Jay Conner (22:03):

There you go. So Jeremy says it's pretty easy to find him folks if you want to start following him, I've got one curious question I have is you've talked with all these people. You've helped a lot of people that have considered taking their life. Do you think, or have you heard back and I think I know the answer to this question. Have you heard back, or do you think some of those people that you helped are now out there doing the same thing you're doing and that is helping other people with that situation?

Jeremy Knauff (22:35):

You know, that's a good question. I stay in touch with a lot of them. I don't know if anyone's doing that, but I would hope so. Right. Like, I think that that's something we all should be doing, not just this particular topic, but whatever the topic, right? Like I think we all should be putting value back into the world. And if you know that you've already struggled with the thing and overcome it, then you've got that knowledge, you've got that empathy. You can deal with it in a way that others can't. So I hope, I certainly hope they are. It's. I mean, if you've already got the background, we need to be adding value back to the world in that way. So yes, I hope they are.

Jay Conner (23:10):

Well, you know, it all comes down to serving and I mean, clearly Jeremy, you have got a servant's heart and you said it beautifully, you go through this thing, you overcame the thing and now you can help others do the same thing. I mean, in my education business, the Private Money Authority, it's the same thing I was, no, it's not the same thing. You're not the same thing. The concept is the same. I was, I mean, I've been relying on local banks to fund my deals for the first six years of investing. And this story pales in comparison to yours as far as its importance. But I was cut off from the banks. Then every way to fund my deals, I found a great way to get my deals funding with private money. And then what I started doing two years after that is just teaching other people what I know to do. So, you know, or how to fix the problem now, a mentor mindset years ago, I said, you know, Jay, if people didn't have problems, they wouldn't need us.

Jeremy Knauff (24:17):

This is very true.

Jay Conner (24:20):

And guess what? the world is your oyster because everybody's, got problems. So as we wrap up here on the show final comments Jeremy.

Jeremy Knauff (24:32):

Final comments, I just, I guess, look for ways to add value back into the world. You know, too far, far too often people look at, Hey, what can I get out of this situation or this deal, or this person or whatever. When we look at how we can make something, a win for everybody involved, it creates more value as a whole, and we all rise. So I just think more of us need to take that approach.

Jay Conner (24:57):

Excellent. So one more time folks. Jeremy's very, very easy to find all the social media and all the platforms. Again, you spell his name, J E R E M Y. Last name K N A U F F as in farmer and his company, www.jlknauff@SpartanMedia.com If you are any type of professional and you're looking to be known as the authority and expert in your space, then you definitely want to check out Jeremy and his team it's www.jlknauff@SpartanMedia.com. There you have it. Folks, another show, Real Estate Investing with Jay Conner. I'm the Private Money Authority, and I'm wishing you all the best and here's to taking your business to the next level. We'll see you on the next show.

[ft-dads-au]

Spellbound - Chapter 3

A collaboration by @mdelpin​ and @oryu404​

AO3 | Prev: Ch 2

Chapter 3

October 14, 2012

Ever since Sting had accepted his impulsive invitation to study for the upcoming midterms at his house, Rogue had felt like time had slowed to a crawl. Not even his gig in Clover the previous evening had done anything to curb that feeling. And now that the time had finally come, all his excitement seemed to have turned into an insecurity he wasn’t familiar with. 

He knew that most of their time together would be spent studying for exams, but he couldn’t help the hope that something more might develop in the moments in between. It certainly didn’t hurt to make an effort. But what if his neatness drove Sting crazy? Or he managed to insult him somehow? Or Gods, what if he’d been reading the signals all wrong, and he ended up throwing himself at the guy only to find he wasn’t interested? He’d had plenty of chances to kiss him and had taken exactly zero of them.

He’d worked himself up the whole drive down to the University.

By the time Sting got into the car, Rogue was a tangle of nerves. They spent the ride home discussing which midterms they would be studying for and agreeing to relax for the remainder of the day before they got started. While the thought of starting off their week together with a lazy Sunday was precisely the type of thing he’d been hoping for, it also put pressure on him to have everything go right.

“Thanks again for letting me stay,” Sting huffed as he carried his duffel bag and oversized, filled to the brim backpack into the house, refusing Rogue’s offer to help.

“Yeah, no problem,” Rogue tossed his keys on the kitchen counter. Feeling suddenly shy and not wanting to show it, he led Sting to Gray’s old room so he could drop off his stuff.

Sting followed him, dumping his bags unceremoniously on the bed and looking around with curious eyes. “That’s your brother, right?” Sting asked, pointing at a family picture that was hanging on the wall. “I feel like I’ve seen him before.”

“You probably have. He’s been working as a model for a few years now.”

“He looks a lot like your dad,” Sting remarked before shifting his scrutiny to the collection of medals and trophies Gray had accumulated since he’d first started playing hockey.

“How about you? Do you have any siblings?” Rogue asked, scrambling for any conversation topic that might ease him out of his timidity.

“Nah, it’s just me. So, do you play too?” Sting eyed him with interest.

“For fun, but you won’t find any trophies in my room. That was Gray’s thing.” Rogue chuckled, “I just like to skate.”

When he was younger, he’d considered giving competitive figure skating a go. His dad had even supported the idea, spending hours building a rink in the backyard together with him and Gray so he wouldn’t have to drive them to the local one as often. It had been grueling work to get the hang of the moves, and while Rogue had been good at it, he’d eventually discovered things he loved more.

“I do have a nice keepsake from my hockey days, though,” he grinned, rubbing his finger over the scar that crossed the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, wow! That must have hurt,” Sting moved closer to examine his nose, wrapping him in the smell of that enticing cologne of which Rogue still hadn’t discovered the name. “Yeah...” Rogue answered absently, paying more attention to the way Sting’s lips moved when he spoke than he did to the words that came out. They were temptingly close. All he had to do was lean over and kiss them, but just when he’d been about to close the remaining gap between them, Sting had already moved away.

“Hey, you got anything to eat around here?” Sting asked, leaving Rogue to stare at him in confusion.

“Oh, right,” he blinked himself back to reality, “I put off grocery shopping until you got here, wasn’t sure what you’d like.”

“Oh, that’s great! I’ve only been to the convenience store near the dorm. I can’t wait to see what a big Magnolian grocery store has to offer!”

“Well, at least one of us is excited,” Rogue muttered, amused at fielding question after question on a place he usually tried to avoid. It gave him an idea, though. That adage about the way to a man’s heart being through his stomach could work to his advantage here.

True, he couldn’t cook worth a damn, but surely there must be something he could pull off to impress Sting. 0-0

The trip to the grocery store was certainly memorable. Sting had walked through every single aisle, oohing and aahing over items he’d never tried and piling them into their cart. Rogue had finally given up and gotten his own cart, not finding it in his heart to dampen Sting’s enthusiasm.

They’d also gotten plenty of looks from other shoppers, which Rogue had done his best to ignore. He hadn’t come up with any great ideas for dinner. Everything he’d considered seemed so involved. That was until he walked past the lobster tank and remembered how disappointed Sting had been when he hadn’t gotten to eat ”Sheldon” at that seafood restaurant.

He was pretty sure you just chucked the things into a pot of boiling water. Sounded easy enough to him. Feeling pleased with his choice, he studied the tank’s contents, searching for the two largest lobsters he could find, knowing both of them ate a lot.

Once he’d identified the ones he wanted, he went off in search of an employee.

0-0

Rogue had managed to keep the contents of the cooler a secret. It wasn’t all that difficult considering the amount of bags in the trunk. He was more concerned about where they were going to store all the food they’d bought. At least it was cold enough that they could leave the drinks out on the porch.

Not that he should have worried, Sting kept picking items out of the bags and shoving them in his mouth, making pleased noises that were driving Rogue crazy.

“Mhmmmmmm, these are amazing! Want some?” Sting waved a bag of onion-flavored rings under his nose.

Rogue grabbed a couple, realizing he hadn’t had them for years. “Oh man, I used to love these. I didn’t know they still made them.”

Sting finally noticed the cooler when it moved slightly from its perch on the counter. “What’s in there?”

“Oh, that?” Rogue replied evenly, feigning indifference, “Just something I picked up. I thought I might try cooking dinner tonight.”

Sting arched an eyebrow and promptly removed the lid, peering in at the contents. “You got lobsters?”

“Yeah, it seemed like you liked them,” Rogue shrugged, finding spots for the rest of the groceries.

“I do! My mom makes really good Lobster Thermidor.”

Well, fuck. What the hell was lobster...whatever Sting said? It sounded a lot fancier than Rogue’s idea of boiling the shits like a pack of instant-ramen, not to mention the fact that he’d set himself up to compete against Sting’s mother’s cooking. He didn’t know a thing about the woman, but he’d bet his life that she was a better cook than he was.

“Those are big fellas. Oh, wait,” Sting had picked up one of the lobsters to examine it, “I think this one might be a Sheila.”

“How can you tell?”

“Oh, uhm,” Sting chuckled, sounding embarrassed, “when I was younger, I wanted to be a marine biologist. My parents would take me to the aquarium whenever they could, and I learned a lot. Pretty lame, huh?”

“Not at all. I mean, if you want to talk lame, I wanted to be a figure skater at one point,” he confessed, encouraged by Sting sharing that with him. “So which one's Sheldon and which one's Sheila?”

Rogue listened with interest as Sting pointed at the tails’ subtle differences and revealed what they meant. Once the explanation was over, Sting glanced at the pot that sat on the stove.

“You’re going to need a larger pot to boil these.”

“Right.” Challenge number one, where the heck did his mom keep the big pots? Rogue opened the cabinets, searching for anything bigger than the one he used to boil pasta.

“I’ll be right back,” he went to the basement, remembering his mother sometimes sent him there to find appliances she didn’t use all the time, and heaving a sigh of relief when he saw a pot big enough to bathe in. Okay, maybe not quite that big, but it should be enough for two lobsters.

And while he was down there, he took the opportunity to do a quick google search on how to cook lobster thermostat. Thermidor. Whatever. It turned out that it would involve cooking as well as broiling, which was even worse than he’d imagined, and the long list of ingredients wasn’t exactly reassuring either. But it was that list that turned out to be his saving grace, as he was sure he didn’t have everything on it. Oh no, such a shame, he smirked to himself as he continued to look for a less intimidating lobster recipe.

“Everything okay down there?”

Crap!

“Yeah, found one,” Rogue called out, putting his phone away and lugging his discovery up the stairs.

He’d washed the pot, filling it with water and as much salt as he dared, and then setting it on the stove to boil. They’d talked about watching a movie after dinner, and Sting had left him in the kitchen while he’d gone to Gray’s room, determined to set up his work area, as he called it, for the next day.

And now, Rogue found himself facing his next challenge. Once the water had come to a rolling boil, he’d grabbed one of the lobsters, ready to plunge it into the pot, when he’d made one fatal mistake. He’d looked into its eyes.

No matter how much he told himself that the thing wasn’t intelligent, he just couldn’t find it in himself to kill it. And as he stared into the eyes of the crustacean he’d condemned to death, Rogue couldn’t help but think of how much simpler his life had been before he’d decided he wanted something more from his relationships.

“What are you doing?”

There was no mistaking the amusement in Sting’s voice, and it both irritated and humiliated him. It had been his bright idea to do this, and he couldn’t even go through with it.

‘“It was staring at me,” he murmured.

Sting chuckled but took pity on him, “Here, I’ll do it.”

He grabbed the lobster and asked for some scissors. He snipped the bands off its claws and lowered it into the pot carefully, repeating the procedure with the second one before placing the lid on the pot. There was an awful noise that followed, making it sound like the lobsters were screaming.

Rogue shuddered.

“Relax, it’s not what it sounds like,” Sting assured him, “Lobsters don’t have lungs or even vocal cords. It’s just air escaping through their shells.” “Whatever. The damn things better taste good,” Rogue pouted, still displeased by the way his plan was failing so far. But hey, the lobsters were boiling away now, and he’d found a cooking time table online, so there wasn’t much that could go wrong from here. “I guess that depends on the sauce or seasoning.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. His face must have mirrored his frustration because once again, he heard the sound of Sting’s laughter. “It doesn’t have to be anything complicated. Oh, actually! We got mac and cheese, right?”

“Mac and cheese? With lobster?”

“Yeah! My mom used to make that for me when I was little. Well, she made it from scratch,” Sting admitted, “but this will be good too!”

By this point, Rogue just wanted to be done with the whole thing, so the idea of at least being able to make something he knew he couldn’t fuck up cheered him immensely. He walked over to the pantry and moved stuff around until he’d found the family size box of mac and cheese they’d bought and set about preparing it.

The timer went off, and he watched as Sting used tongs to take out the lobsters, which had turned a promising shade of bright red. He lay them on a cutting board and let them sit while he searched for a knife.

Rogue turned away as the sounds of Sting removing the meat from the shell revolted him. He busied himself with his task, trying not to think about what was happening.

“Do I have to do anything differently?”

“Nope, just let me know when it’s ready.”

Sting walked to the porch, grabbed two beers, opened them, and handed one over to Rogue, that amused smirk never far from his face. Once the mac and cheese was done, all they had to do was add the lobster meat, top it off with some breadcrumbs, and put it in the oven for a few minutes. In the meantime, Rogue began the process of cleaning the kitchen, pulling a face as he dumped the hollowed out shells in the trash bin and wiped the lobster juices off the counter. Although it wasn’t all that fancy, the dish that came out looked better than any of Rogue’s previous attempts to cook his own food. Not that he felt he had much to be proud of, as he’d mostly just boiled water and made instant mac and cheese, but cooking was definitely a lot less frustrating when he didn’t have to do it alone. Maybe they could cook together again sometime this week, preferably with food that couldn’t scream, move or stare at him. They settled on the couch, and while Rogue was browsing through Netflix, looking for a movie they could watch, he could tell by the moaning sounds that Sting had already dug into his food. “It’s good!” he said with his mouth still half full, “but you know what the best part is?” “Hm?” Rogue took a hesitant first bite, and he had to agree it did taste a lot better than he’d expected. “It’s that from now on, every time I eat lobster, I’ll remember your look of horror.” Sting dissolved into giggles, “I should have taken a picture!”

Rogue tried to glare, but now that it was over, he found himself laughing along. “Alright, but I hope you got a good look cause I am never doing that again. Next time we do this, it’ll be at a restaurant.”

“Deal, as long as we stop at the tank first,” Sting laughed at his pout, and it was arguably the best sound Rogue had ever heard.

He sat back, having found a movie they were both interested in, and feeling more relaxed than he had all day. The realization that Sting hadn’t been against the idea of a next time boosted his confidence enough to let him enjoy the rest of the night and to set him thinking of what he might try next.

A/N: 2020 was a really busy year for us. We participated in a lot of events and as fun as that was we've decided to mostly step away from that for this year. Unfortunately trying to match event prompts kept us from moving forward on stories we'd been planning on for months and we'd like to try setting our own schedule for now. 

We've started the year out with a Works in Progress month, in the hopes that we can finish or move along some of our open multis, or one-shots we started but never finished. It will also allow us to work on some of the individual projects we've been ignoring for too long. 

We've decided to expand on this story a bit more than we'd originally planned so there will be a few more chapters than we'd anticipated. We hope you enjoy this one!

[certainempatheticturkeymuffin]

Age of Calamity Review

Hey! I wasted three hours of my life writing this in Arlo's comment section and part of it had to be cut out because of Youtube's word limit, so y'all get to suffer with me.

Here's the video that I wrote this on, give him some love, his opinion is a great juxtaposition to my own!

There are a few weird formatting errors because tumblr wants me to make new paragraphs, but there's no missing words as far as I can tell.

_

I like it, but I like the first one better, mainly for the appearance. I don't know why, but the pop ups are hard for me to see (by pop-ups I mean the challenges and weak point meters, the out of battle menu is actually pretty good, though I admit the text is a little small on the opening screen), and the lack of saturation makes it hard for me to see. Actually, that might be it, I just don't like the paler color palette in this context, since for a fast paced game I kind of need to be able to see, which I can't because I'm partially blind, and glasses have a glare that's an annoying trade off. Compare that to the original Hyrule Warriors, the weak point meters are brightly colored and change color the more you damage it, which is good for those with visual impairment who need some extra feedback to judge their next actions. The menu was also this aged tan color which provided a great contrast that wasn't the blinding white on top of dark blue, which wasn't bad at all, but the buttons and text were always big enough for those with visual impairment to see, though I will admit that the little pop ups with all the people crying out for help have a bit of the same issue as AoC. I think I just like the more vibrant colors of Hyrule Warriors in the context of a faster game, rather than the pale beauty of BotW, since my eyes can't really see what's going on if the colors aren't at least comparable to what you'd find in Minish Cap or Triforce Heroes. I can see fine in BotW during the day time, but at night, well, I just run and hope for the best, trying not to get killed by an electric keese, which is also a problem in AoC, mainly Zora's Domain; I could barely see a thing and it negatively impacted my experience.

I've got hundreds of hours in HW, and maybe five or ten in AoC. It's mainly because I just don't like how it looks. I've heard a lot of people say that it looks pretty much exactly like botw and...I have to disagree. A lot of areas are pretty perfect, but some, like the tower, are just a little off in a way I can't describe. That's a personal irrelevant nitpick though, but it negatively impacted my experience, so I thought it was worth a mention, the tower on the opening screen always annoyed the crap out of me, every time I see it I just want to exit the game because ew.

The gameplay is fine, and thank goodness for the addition of the meditation room, there's not a feature like that in the original, so I had to play the first stage over and over again to figure out new combos, I think Mipha is my favorite hero that I actually unlocked (though I've been wanting to play more just to see if I can control Revali and Teba like I can Fi (which makes her insanely good since her wide area of movement is the only thing you need to account for)), and I think Zelda is my least favorite, since she's a little clunky for my taste (Daruk is too, but his rolling makes that more bearable). I was a little disappointed with Impa, but her seal thing is kinda like Zelda's and Fi's thing in Hyrule Warriors (there are probably stronger connections, but I'm not experienced with every single hero), and I think it was just the hype that she got. She's not the type of character I like to play, since Zelda and Fi are my favorites, speedy and nimble area clearers (Sheik and Marin are cool too, I just have less experience using Marin, and Sheik is always a B pick since I find them a little harder to control with less area of impact), which meant that Mipha, a character I admittedly was never attached to, became one of my favorites in the game. Impa wasn't an area clearer for the most part, she had a few moves that could do that, but she was mainly a boss-killer to me, Mipha though? She's great, set up a few waterspouts and everything dies.

I do like that they've lessened the kind of ridiculous amount of items that were in HW, and that they didn't try to strong arm fairies in, because that system was the most annoying thing in the world and so poorly explained that I had to watch the same tutorial three times over about once a month because it was so convoluted.

I do hate the runes though, I just, couldn't seem to use them right. It might just be me, but I found trying to use them weird. It's a little hard to explain, but it's probably just a me thing. Not only that, but I found the inclusion of the rods on top of the runes annoying. The rods were entirely unnecessary if you were going to use runes. They just added another layer that was thin at best, not to mention that I found them hard to use as well. I hated the weird controls of the targeting system. I don't think there's anything wrong with a basic hack and slash, and if you're not going to have the excessive amount of items, runes were a good idea i think it might've been a me issue, but rods? It seems a bit excessive. It's probably just a "you'll get better with practice" kind of thing, which, fair, most people can't use Fi like I can, so that makes sense. I figured it was worth a mention anyway since the runes were a constant source of annoyance and I used the rods twice before never bothering again because I hated them so much.

I do like the addition of healing from food drops whenever you want though. In the original if there was a dropped heart but you were at full health, sucked to be you, going back for it when you need it would waste time. The plot is still as weird as ever though (from what I've heard from other videos and such), which is fine, since I tend to play my favorite levels over and over rather than actually do anything plot relevant (can you believe that it took me over a year to finish the story of HW because I kept getting distracted by letting Fi and Zelda mow down everything in the Adventure maps and challenges? I literally got the boomerang like six months after

getting the game. It's perfect for people with ADHD I swear) though I am extremely disappointed with the fact that they took the cheap way out, it's a kid's game and a nintendo game, what did I expect? For them to let everyone actually die? Nope...though honestly, I can't comment on the overall amazingness of the plot they went with because...er....I only did Mipha's and Daruk's stages before just losing interest, so I'm not the person you want to ask about any story criticism, because that would be pure conjecture and utterly pointless.

The customization of heroes, now that's great. It's a weird system that I needed to google a lot for, but it's absolutely brilliant and I love it. Sure, getting the specific seals I want is a little annoying, but it's a great mechanic and I love it.

I probably should've said this earlier, but I'm comparing it mainly to Hyrule Warriors rather than BotW because AoC's a Warriors game and thus plays more like Hyrule Warriors than BotW, and BotW has a different set of standards due to being an open-world game. I'm still salty about the plot though, so I guess there's your comparison.

Also, I absolutely ADORE the fact that you can track materials. Not having to google which stage gives me which material is just the best. And the fact that the side quests have little blurbs, absolutely fantastic. We didn't get that in HW, but then again, once you finished the main story, the rest was just, Have Fun and Kill Everything, which is great, and I love it, but adding in a weird ingredient fetching quest with a nugget of lore is kinda cool. I don't wish we got it in HW though, since, as aforementioned, there was no way to track which material came from which stage, so that would've made it a nightmare.

The Divine Beasts....I hated them, they were literally just time wasters, and, granted I only did Rudania and Ruta before dropping the game, I just hated them. The UI was horrendous and even Ganon's Fury was better, and I absolutely DESPISE Ganon's Fury. Once I finished them, I was just happy for them to be over and never bother with them again. I hated their controls, I hated the cramped paths, I hated how I couldn't really turn and see anything, and honestly, I commend the champions for being able to control these bulky slow and absolutely horrible machines.

On the music, I think it's good. I loved BotW's soundtrack, I loved Zelda 2's soundtrack, I loved Wind Waker's soundtrack, I loved Cadence of Hyrule's soundtrack, I loved Hyrule Warriors's soundtrack, I loved Minish Cap's soundtrack, Triforce Heroes, Spirit Tracks (you're lying if you say otherwise, this soundtrack is a bop and I will actually fight you), etc etc, and this one is no different, though I will admit it did a pretty good job of having me ignore it, though that may have been more due to my frustration at the rods and runes and Zelda and Daruk more than actually having an unimpressive soundtrack.

Personally, it didn't do much for me, I can't get over the color palette, the mechanics, the divine beasts. I had pretty average, maybe a bit high, expectations, but they weren't quite met. I played it for a few hours one day, dropped it, picked it up again a few months later, then remembered exactly why I dropped it. I think the original Hyrule Warriors is just better visually for me, even if the plot isn't great or it's a bit fanfictiony, it had depth in combat that didn't absolutely annoy me, and the annoying battles were usually optional, and the bosses had variety, which is a fault mainly of BotW and was just an inherited problem for AoC, and I'm not a completionist, I don't want to have to complete anything with Darunia or Cia, so I don't unless I have to to progress something, which means that I don't stress about the gargantuan amount of content in HW.

IN SUMMARY: I've never had problems with frame rate (though I play docked due to visual impairment), and if you're visually impaired, wear anti-glare glasses because the pale colors aren't going to help much. I haven't found an option to make text bigger. The soundtrack is good,

there isn't much boss variety (not AoC's fault, but it's still there), the meditation room is great, the runes take a bit of getting used to, as do the rods(i never got used to them), Divine Beasts tank performance in all aspects and are just disappointing, you actually know which stage drops which item, and there's no My Fairy (which is definitely a positive).

To slap on an arbitrary rating that only means something to me: 4.5/10

It's a good game if you can get passed the issues that bug ME to no end.

And there we have it. There goes....holy crap I spent three hours on

I wanted to like this, I really did, and I'm glad others enjoy it, but as it stands, I'll let y'all move on to Age of Calamity, and I'll stick to my handy dandy Hyrule Warriors ice cream with a dash of Breath of the Wild, a sprinkle of Cadence of Hyrule, and a Zelda 2 cherry on top. It's not like I have to wait long for Subnautica; hopefully that doesn't disappoint me too much, I preordered this one. Actually, I get Pokemon Snap today too, hopefully it isn't a SwSh level disappointment, AoC is magnitudes better than SwSh at a 4.5

this????? Three hours of my life. Gone.

[allibellfancyfinance]

Livin’ that cheapskate life

My whole life I have been a tightwad. I have been called stingy, frugal, cheap and a no-fun-Nancy, Well, sorry, but no matter what my salary is I’m never going to order a drink or appetizer at a restaurant. I'm just not that person.

The first thing that attracted me to my husband, beyond him being a total dreamboat, was his old rundown sedan with a turkey baster in the trunk used to suck the leaking water out. I swear my ovaries dropped an egg and I thought this guy could not just be my husband but also my business partner.

What I am saying is living frugally has come naturally to me. I'd like you to believe it's because I'm self actualized and I get no pleasure from worldly possession but the truth is I just hate spending money. I also have worked in social services where I saw what saving for retirement really means. It's the difference between getting to live in your home with caregivers coming in to help you stay independent or being stuck having to rely on Medicaid while you live three to one bedroom in a nursing home.

After I graduated from college I sat down and made a list of all of my expenses if I were to live a comfortable life. That list included some funds for travel, fun stuff, and even contributing to charities that are important to me. The grand total of my "comfortable life" budget came to $35,000 a year. Every dollar after that could go towards saving or investing. I have two kids now so obviously that number has gone up a bit but I still find that most of the time I think I need something I actually just want it.

The financial approach my husband and I have landed on is maximizing our cash flow. That didn’t just mean keeping our expenses low, it meant taking some risks to make our money work for us. Below are some of the ways I’ve kept my costs down and avoided lifestyle creep. Future posts will primarily focus on investing.

Things I've done over the years that have helped me save:

I checked around every possible place to find the cheapest car insurance and home insurance.

My teeth are slightly crooked on my bottom row. Does anyone notice? Probably not. Would I love Invisalign to fix it? Yes. Will I ever fix them? No.

I have no monthly subscriptions beyond my cell phone. I went with Mint Mobile. It's $15 a month and yes, my phone is ancient but works just fine.

I exercise outside and not at a gym. My husband got a used a squat rack for the basement and that’s been enough.

I shop at Target and not Nordstrom for clothes. I look less fancy but I end up not buying things just for the dopamine.

I dye my hair from a box at home. It costs $3 and it does well enough covering the grays.

I've bought nearly everything (that's not gross) used. Facebook Marketplace > Craigslist. This was a must when having kids. It’s like borrowing something with a deposit. You buy the baby swing for $40, use it for a year and then sell it for $40.

I try potlucks instead of going out to restaurants.

I go camping instead of staying in a hotel.

I go hiking instead of going for drinks. *bonus points if I bring a cocktail in the water bottle*.

I've never in my life bought coffee when I had the option to make it at home.

I've always driven cars that cost $10k or under. If I have my heart set on a certain type of car I scope out the listing for weeks and plot them in a spreadsheet to perform a regression analysis to see if any given car is a good deal. When I sell the car there isn’t much value lost because I held out for a really good deal.

I use google flights to find my flights and then choose the cheapest flight, layovers be damned.

I buy in bulk. I love to get a ton of chicken thighs and marinate them with this recipe. Then I freeze them and then don't eat out at restaurants! This is less about saving money and more about that recipe being too legit to quit.

My husband and I do every possible home project ourselves before hiring something out. Google and YouTube make pretty much anything possible that doesn’t require real skill.

I use my local tool library when doing home renovations. I also shamelessly borrow from neighbors. (I mean come on, how many times do you really need a post hole digger in your life, just borrow it)

I moved back in with my parents after college to save for grad school. My roommates (parents) were cool with it as long as I didn’t make a mess or get in their way.

[breanime]

Heartworm (Part Six)

Double posting takes so long! WARNING: this part has mentions and descriptions of violence, read with caution!

*gif not mine*

You decided that Detective Mahoney was the only good cop in New York City. After he’d introduced himself, he’d asked if there was a place you could go to talk. You knew Trish would have questions if you stayed at the office, not to mention your coworkers, so you took the detective to a small deli a few blocks away. He had assured you that he only wanted to talk, and you decided to play it cool until you could get a final read on this guy. So far, all you could tell was that he was a genuinely concerned cop who was actually interested in justice.

It was his poor luck that you were only interested in Billy.

“Is this okay,” he asked, “I mean, you won’t get written up for leaving early or anything, will you?”

“No, this is fine. I was on my way out anyway,” you answered, “So, um, Detective Mahoney—”

“Call me Brett.” He smiled.

“Brett,” you faked a smile back, “How can I help you? Oh,” you widened your eyes, pretending to remember something, “is this about the noise compliant I made with the city a few months ago? I told the super people had started loitering outside, but he didn’t seem to care…”

“No,” he shook his head with a chuckle, “That’s unfortunately outside my realm of influence,” his smile turned into a serious look, and you braced yourself, “Actually, I’ve, uh, I’ve been looking for you for most of the day. There’s something I need to tell you—to warn you about.” You nodded, silently encouraging him to go on. “Billy Russo has escaped police custody.”

This was, obviously, not news to you, but hearing it from the detective made your breath hitch. “When?”

“Yesterday morning,” he answered, “We have cops staking out his last known addressed and every badge in the city is looking for him.”

“That’s… That’s good,” you swallowed. You tried to bring back all the confusion and helplessness you felt when Billy had first been arrested and recreate it now. Mahoney—Brett—seemed like a kind man, but you couldn’t let him get to Billy…not yet, at least. “But why are you telling me?”

“It’s on record that you and Russo were a couple.”

“That was over three years ago,” you shook your head, “I haven’t seen Billy since then—at least not in person.” You ducked your head down shyly. “I did… I did watch the coverage on the news.” You looked back up at Brett. “But that’s it. I hadn’t heard from Billy since we broke up.” You shrugged. “I could give you a list of places he could be, maybe? I don’t know if it would be any help…”

“I would appreciate that, Ms. Y/LN,” he said, “but I don’t think you understand the danger you’re in. Russo’s dangerous, unhinged. It was reported that he asked for you by name the day he escaped. Now,” he folded his hands on the table, “it’s been three years since the two of you have talked… Why would he do that?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know,” you answered, “I mean, he was locked up all this time, maybe he was just going through a list of exes and my name happened to be the one he said outloud.” You shook your head. “I imagine Billy wasn’t doing well in a cage.”

“He wasn’t in a cage,” Brett said, “We were keeping Russo under constant surveillance at a psychiatric hospital.” You made an effort to make a confused face. “Russo sustained some major injuries and some significant memory damage,” he explained, “His therapist said he might not even be competent to stand trial.”

“So he’s faking,” you said, knowing he wasn’t, “Billy’s a smart man, I’m sure he knows it’d be better for him to get off on a plea deal than admit he’s guilty.”

“It’s possible,” Brett shrugged, “His therapist and doctors think he’s legit. Either way, you might be in danger.” He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a card. “I want you to give me a call if you hear from Russo,” he instructed.

“Of course.” Another lie. “I mean, I don’t—I don’t think he’d bother coming after me, but I’ll let you know if I hear anything.”

“I appreciate that.” Brett gave you a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry to have to come to you with this, I can get a squad car to stay outside of your apartment if you want…”

“Oh no, no,” you shook your head, “That’s not necessary, I wouldn’t feel comfortable taking up police resources. Besides,” you gave him a weak smile, “I’m telling you, there’s no way Billy would waste time with me. He’s probably halfway out of the country by now. And even if he’s not, Billy never tried to get in contact with me theses last three years, there’s no reason he’d try now.”

“Maybe,” Brett agreed easily. Too easily. “But still, keep an eye out; make sure you’re locking your doors. Maybe see if you can stay with some family or friends until this blows over.”

You chuckled. “You make Billy sound like the boogeyman.”

Brett didn’t laugh. “He’s dangerous, Y/N. He took down a room full of guards and killed at least two men in the last 24 hours.”

Two? You knew about Arthur, who could…? Your mind conjured up an image of Billy in his blood-soaked clothes. He probably didn’t get that hideous shirt and fur-lined coat from the hospital. “So,” you took a steadying breath, “it’s all true? Billy… Billy really did betray Frank?” You had spent so much time trying to block that out, to ignore and deny it in your head, but you had to know—especially since Billy, as he was now, didn’t know.

The detective nodded. “And that’s the other thing: Castle will be looking for Russo. If he comes to you…”

“Call you,” you waved his card at him with a half-smile, “I will.”

Brett stayed with you at the deli for a while longer before he had to head out. You waited until you were sure he was far away to finally take a breath. You whipped out your phone and typed in ‘NYPD Detective Brett Mahoney’ into Google. Of fucking course. Your hunch about him was right—he was a hero cop. There were pictures of him next to Daredevil. He arrested Frank back when he first became “The Punisher”—Brett was a badass with the face of a choir boy. Your respect for him grew as you scrolled through the news reports, interviews, and list of accolades connected to his name. He was vocal in his disdain for Wilson Fisk—a bold move for anyone who lived in the city, let alone a cop—and was an active member of the community. He seemed like a really nice guy, a good guy…

…a threat.

As much as you didn’t want to, you decided to take the long way home. You lingered in the deli for another 20 minutes after Brett left, then made your way to a bookstore, a pet shop, two music stores, three boutiques, and killed an hour watching some teenagers breakdance on the sidewalk. You were pretty sure Brett wasn’t watching you, you got the impression that wasn’t his style, but Frank… Frank would totally do that. You considered what you knew as you wandered around the city: you loved Billy, Billy didn’t have his full memories, Billy still thought he loved you, Billy was guilty, the cops were after Billy, Frank would want revenge, revenge would mean death, and that would leave you… Alone again. Hell, as far as you knew, you were already alone again. How in the hell would you know where Billy was if he wasn’t directly in your line of sight? You sighed to yourself, stepping into a pawn shop and staring unblinkingly at the assortment of things. You had no idea what you were going to do—you knew what you were supposed to do, what common sense and decent protocol would call for—but your common sense had taken a back seat to your emotions. Sighing again, you looked at a glass case of knives and your mind immediately went to Billy.

“What do you do if I come at you from behind?” Billy had asked you.

You wanted to make a dirty joke, but the seriousness of the situation and Billy’s face made you reconsider. “I go for the eyes and create a distance between us while you’re distracted.”

“Good. But what if I grab you by your hair?”

You swallowed down another inappropriate comment. “I stomp on your foot or try to kick you in the shins to get you to lose your grip.”

Billy nodded. “Good,” he stepped over to you, put a hand on the back of your neck and kissed you, “Now let’s practice how to disarm a man.”

You sighed, but complied. Billy whipped out a knife—because he almost always had at least one blade on hand—and took an offensive stance. This wasn’t a new practice between the two of you; Billy had taken it upon himself to teach you how to defend yourself months ago, after reading about some guys on the subway harassing a woman. His dedication to your safety was sweet, you knew for a fact that the number of people he cared about was a low one, and that these impromptu training sessions were his way of making sure you were taken care of. You took a defensive stance, placing your feet slightly apart and raising your hands to protect your face—just like Billy taught you. He made a move to approach you (much slower than he would if he was really attacking someone), and you side-stepped him, avoiding any close contact before slapping your hand over his wrist, twisting it, and grabbing the knife out of his hands.

“Nice,” he licked his lips, “Very nice. Let’s try it again.”

So you did. You spent the next two hours going through drills. Billy was an excellent teacher, he met you where you were and catered the lessons to best fit your size, strength, and style. You weren’t nearly the natural fighter Billy was, and you damn sure weren’t a Marine, but Billy always said you were skilled. He took pride in telling Curtis how you knocked him on his ass on Tuesday, or showing Frank the bruises on his chest from when he made you practice shooting with himself as the Kevlar-wearing, moving target. You liked the training a lot, too. You got to wrestle Billy and learn useful defensive moves all in one. Truth be told, you almost looked forward to the day some asshole mugger tried to come at you.

You would never forget the day that actually happened.

You had been walking home from the corner store. Billy had texted you saying he’d be home late since he was viewing some properties for Anvil’s home office, so you decided to run out and get some snacks for the house. You had your burlap bag hanging from your shoulder, full of chips and a six-pack of beer, and you were a block from your apartment when you felt a tug on the strap of your bag.

You were yanked forward, and you turned to see a tall man in all black. You stumbled over your own feet as he dragged you back into an alley. He pushed you against the concrete wall and you felt the breath rush out of you. You didn’t get a second to scream or cry out before he shoved a knife under your throat.

“Drop the bag, cunt,” he ordered, hot breath fanning your face. “Or I open your goddamn throat all over the sidewalk.”

You did as you were told, heart racing. The blade was cold against your skin, even in the warm summer weather.

“Now kick it,” he gestured behind him with his head, “over there.”

You gave your bag a feeble nudge with your foot.

“Do you think I’m playing with you, bitch?” He hissed, nose pressing against yours as he glared down at you. You felt the sting of the blade cutting into your skin. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. He was still glaring at you when you opened your eyes and punted your bag across the alley. Your eyes scanned his face, trying to memorize every detail. Billy was going to lose his shit over this. The man sneered at you, and you felt a chill go through you. “Good girl,” he grinned, “now take your clothes off.”

You froze. Suddenly an image of your downstairs neighbor’s daughters popped up in your head. They were 15 and 13, nice girls, and you knew for a fact that they walked to the corner store all the time, night or day. Rain or shine. What was going to stop this guy from doing the same thing to them? What was going to stop him from hurting someone else?

You were going to stop him.

You lifted your arm and grabbed his wrist. You twisted it with all your strength, ignoring his shocked sound of surprise. His grip loosened and you took that moment to snatch the knife out of his hands. The blade sliced through the palm of your hand a little bit, but you didn’t even feel it. You punched him in the face with your free hand, making him fall back a bit. That gave you the perfect opening to kick him in the chest, knocking him on his ass. You tackled him to the ground and straddled him, putting all of your weight on him to prevent him from moving. His eyes widened when you put the knife to his neck.

“Whoa, whoa,” he gasped out, voice shaking, “I was just playing,” he attempted a laugh, “Don’t—don’t you know we were just playing, you and me? It’s a joke.”

You pressed the knife harder onto his neck. You watched the blood bubble up and felt a surge of excitement bloom in you. “A joke?” You asked, smirking down at him. “Would it be a joke,” you watched his eyes water when you grabbed his hair and forced his head back, “if I open your goddamn throat all over the sidewalk…” Your smirk turned into a full-on grin. “…bitch?”

He had started sobbing now. “No,” he begged, “no, please, I’m sorry, I won’t ever do this again, I—”

“—Shut the hell up,” you hissed, pulling his hair. He cried out. You looked down at this man, this weak piece of shit, and wanted nothing more than to stop him from ever drawing breath again. You wanted to be the last person he terrorized, the last women he called a bitch.

You wanted to watch the life drain from his body.

But you couldn’t.

You flipped the knife around so that the handle was against your fists and pulled your hand back. Then you punched him right in the face with all your anger guiding you. You felt his nose crack, but you didn’t hear it because he was screaming. You hit him again, and again, and again. The handle was wet with blood, and your heart was pounding. You kept punching him until he wasn’t screaming anymore. A quick glance showed he was still breathing, so you got off of him, grabbed your bag, and walked home.

You thought more about that day as you waited in line at the pawn shop. You had tried to block it out, to forgot about the fear that went through you that day, followed by that feeling of absolute power and control…it had been intoxicating. It had been frightening. But Billy had been there, and he had been your safe place.

You waited until you got home to call Billy and tell him what happened. You barely got the words—“I was attacked”—out of your mouth before he was asking you a hundred questions and rushing home to you. You assured him you were fine, and you were, but he hadn’t seemed to hear you. By the time he got home, you’d bandaged your hand, cleaned off the knife, and put the snacks and beer away. You were on your third beer when Billy came bursting into the apartment.

He didn’t say anything, just pulled you towards him and engulfed you in a crushing hug. You closed your eyes and wrapped your arms around him. This was where you were safest, where you belonged. Billy provided everything you needed just by existing.

“I’m okay,” you said into his chest, “I’m okay. I knocked him out.” You had pulled back then. “Oh shit, I should have called the cops. I should call the cops.”

“I already did,” he said, voice muffled as he spoke into your hair, “Left an anonymous tip, saw the squad cars on my way home.” He exhaled, and you felt him relax against him. “I’m so—fuck,” his hold on you tightened, and you leaned into it, “I want to kill him.”

“I wanted that too,” you admitted, looking up into Billy’s dark eyes. They were electric with rage and emotion, and you knew yours were too. “I was going to.”

He kissed you, long and slow, and you kissed him back. You wanted to absorb him, to keep him this close to you always. He stared down at you, unblinking, when you both pulled back for air. “I’m so fucking proud of you,” he said, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you breathed out. “I—Billy, is there something wrong with us?” You asked. “We shouldn’t be so comfortable with this. Because I’m not joking, Billy, I was going to stab him. I was gonna kill him. I—I—”

“—The only reason he’s not in a body bag at this very moment is cause the cops got to him first,” Billy interrupted, eyes hard, “I’ve killed for less, Y/N, and anyone who hurts you,” he put a hand on your face, eyes boring into yours, “is gonna die bloody. It’s you and me, Y/N, I’d do anything for you, and I want you to know that I love you, every part of you,” his lips brushed against yours as he spoke, “and if you had killed him…I would have helped you bury the body.”

That was it. The last thing you needed to make your decision. Billy was a killer. He betrayed Frank, he hurt Curtis, he was a traitor to his country if the news reports were right. Hell, Billy had told you himself that he’d committed multiple war crimes. Those were all facts, undeniable, inexcusable facts about him that you could never change or hope to ignore. But you loved him—that was a fact too. You had never felt more alive, more like yourself, than when you had been with Billy, even up until the very end. He was it for you. So you were in. You were all in, wherever he would go, you would follow.

You practically ran home, heart pounding with your revelation. It was like a bomb went off inside your head—everything you had, you were ready to throw it all away for Billy. You were made for him, and he was made for you. You knew, as you clutched your bag, that from this point on—nothing but death would keep you from him. You had given up on him once, and you had tried to move on with your life, but it hadn’t worked. You had been operating on auto-pilot, just going through the motions and pretending to be okay with being without him, with living in black and white. But now Billy was back, and he brought color back into your life. This time, you would fight for him. You would fight with him.

You practically ripped the door open when you got back to your apartment. You ran into the living room and felt yourself deflate a little. Everything was exactly the way you left it. You checked your room, the bathroom, and the kitchen. Empty. Sighing, you sat down at the kitchen table and put your head in your hands. Where could he be? What if he was hurt? What if Frank got to him? What if… what if he left you? Feeling trapped, you went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine. You decided to drink instead of panic. It was getting late, but there was still time in the day. Billy could be back any minute. You poured yourself a drink and went to stand at the counter, contemplating whether you should bother cooking while you waited for Billy to get back when you noticed a manila folder on the counter. This was new…so Billy had been back. You put your glass down and picked up the folder. It had his name on it: Russo, William. The file was packed with papers and packets, full of details of his life. There were little color-coded tabs for Castle, Frank, Hoyle, Curtis, Madani, Dinah, and Rawlins, William. There were notes from what you assumed were his therapy sessions, and pictures of him in the hospital. Words like ‘dangerous’, ‘killer’, ‘psychopath’ jumped off the page. You flipped through the contents of the file, a sense of dread creeping into you. Finally, under all of the papers, was a handwritten note from Billy that had your breath catching.

Y/N,

I’m sorry. I want you to know that I love you. And I’m so sorry.

Goodbye.

******************************************************************************************

Hohohhohohoho! So this was my first time ever writing Brett, how’d I do? Also, anyone recognize where Y/N works? And ohhhh man, let me know what you thought of these last two chapters. Your feedback fuels me! Love you guys!

TAGLIST: @floralpeaceofmind​ @delicatelilyflower​ @dylanobrusso​ @ladyblablabla​ @banditthewriter​ @something-tofightfor​  @starsfragments​ @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme​ @hisgirlwednesdayaddams​@fictionwillneverdie @maria-beretta​ @sadnessxvodka​ @ymariejp​ @sunnycolors​ @moonlightsay​ @its-all-o-kay @damagelove​ @keyeluh @itsmylife98​ @funerals-with-cake​ @littlemermaidprobz​ @teacuplotus​ @king4thesirens​ @mrsjaxtellerfan​ @thebabblingbook​ @tartelette-aux-fraises​ @madamrogers​  @charlylama​ @iaintnofurry​​ @k-buggz2001​​ @whitewolfslittlesilverfox @drinix​ @elanor-of-imladris​ @blah-blah-fuckit-shit @julliiaaq​ @holamor​ @ymariejp @shadowhunterscloset @songtoyou​ @anabella-baby @sssilverssserpent​ @heyitslexy

[onisionhurtspeople]

I can't watch this and hold on to this information any longer. I won't give out much information of myself other than that my name is Michael, I went to high school with this guy, and a good friend of mine is someone he cheated on his ex wife with. I also run my own independent technology based business. Greg is a total loser and actually cheated on his ex wife with a friend of mine before him and his ex wife were ever even married. He was doing it for a while too until my friend found out he was taken and told Skye. She dumped his ass and he ended up losing his mind because he got caught and cried like a little bitch and called her every day for two solid weeks to get her back. Let me say that again, SHE dumped him. He'd been caught in school a whole lot of times by other girls doing the exact same thing to them and it was always the girls that dumped him as it was always other girls that ratted him out. I had always wondered what ever had become of this guy since I left Washington and moved on from school. Apparently some people never change. He's been this way for years. There was a running joke among pretty much everyone in school that he was going to be put down in the year book as "most likely to commit a school shooting". He wore a combo of a trench coat, beanie, and tripp pants…every day. In fact if I remember correctly it seemed like he'd been wearing the same clothes for a couple weeks a time before ever washing them. He'd rarely ever talk to anyone and the few times he did he would always talk down to a person. At first we thought he didn't realize he was doing it, but after weeks and weeks of it being a regular occurrence we (pretty much the entire school) started getting the idea that he just hated people. I mean, he had friends, but he'd still treat them like shit. Every since I can remember he's always thought of himself as better or above everyone else. He'd start arguments with teachers because he thought he actually knew more than they did, when he was obviously proven wrong he would completely deny it and act like a pouting child. There was one time, and I remember this because it was just before summer break, where his mother who looked completely cracked out actually came to school and argued with the teacher about how perfect her son was and how he never could do any wrong. He had gotten in trouble again for being caught cheating on yet another girl and her father was doing what any reasonable man would, he was threatening to beat the crap of Greg. I had to drop off some late homework so I went directly to my teachers office to do this and over heard the entire thing. It was the hilarious and embarrassing thing I'd ever been privy to eavesdrop on in my entire life. His mother literally started chanting some wiccan stuff or new age stuff, I'm not even sure what it was, he has his head down, his face is turning red as a beet, and his fists are balled up, while this girls father whole looks like a 250+ lbs Marine is berating him for trying to score with his daughter who he lied to. All the while our schools principal is just sitting there with the most confused expression because he had zero idea what to do. It was surreal, it was as if Jerry Springer had visited our school. To this very day I can't even properly explain what I had witnessed. After that he really just went downhill and never recovered. He was an asshole to just about every single person he met, and started bragging about how we'd all be "thanking him and congratulating him" one day because he wanted to enlist into the military and go over to Iraq. Everyone started to really distance themselves from him at that point. I remember that he started bragging about going into the Navy or Air Force, but at that point I was just too focused on finals and getting into college to even care anymore. One more thing I do remember vividly is how often he'd pick fights he couldn't win after that. He was already known for running his mouth to people about things he wasn't even remotely knowledgeable on, but after the previous incident, he'd start actively provoking people. I can see why he gets so much hate here, Greg's still doing the same thing, even now. He ended up pissing off a few metalheads in our school, if I recall correctly he said something about one of them having a sibling that passed away and them not truly caring about it or something…and well, they just pummeled him into a pulp. Three on one basically. Once again, mom was quick to bail him out of any responsibility for getting exactly what he'd asked for. This didn't happen behind the school or after school hours, mind you. This happened in front of almost everyone. In general, we'd hear about this going on once every couple of weeks. After a while we just stopped hearing about him anymore, my best guess is that is when he secluded himself online and started doing this video sort of stuff. I've seen the video about him creating an online cult like religion, I'm just making a guess here but it seems his problems just intensified with time. I only partially knew Skye through a couple of other people. She was a very nice, but quiet person. She did some cool graphic design stuff. I even thought of asking her out a couple times but then Greg came along and we didn't see or hear much from her after that. That never sat well with me. Other people have said this past and I can confirm, that Greg always wanted to be with her sister more. In the last few days I've taken the time to watch a few of the videos that caused the most stir and its funny to me how much he now seems to whine about "slutty" girls because back then those were always the type he'd go after. It was either girls that were more sexually free spirited, or girls who were very quiet, obviously virgins, and had some types of issues at home or depression. There never seemed to be any middle ground. It was either one or the other and his ideal type seemed to be an impossible mix of both. As I said before, I've watched enough to catch up about this guy; all of the Shiloh stuff, when he decided to divorce Skye for her, all of that up until now. I have to tell, this guy absolutely terrifies me now. He was always off balanced but I figured that with time he'd find his niche in life and things would be relatively alright. That couldn't be farther from the truth. He has never gone anywhere in life since high school. I started my own business, own my house, have a couple of kids and a loving wife and we travel all of the place regularly. He just continues to act like a spastic teenager and he is one year younger than me and can only make money through Google AdSense or heavily taxed partner revenues. He literally displays the same behavior as an online and offline predator now. He has never once changed the way he treats women, or who gives that treatment to, he has just allowed it all to become horribly worse. I think he must also be in horrendous amounts of debt as well. I've seen the way he tries to live and I can tell you that he cannot possibly afford all of that. Greg was always terrible with money. For example, a five dollar pair of sunglasses he'd pay for with a twenty so he didn't have to count the change. He was always broke and apparently so was everyone else in his household. I watched a video just recently where he said he'd paid $6000 to a contractor for his yard who took all his money and never did anyway, and all he did was make a video on it. Obviously not even that has changed. And now he has a child? That's the worst part. The last thing I'll leave you all with is a segment about his inability to care for, and somewhat hatred of children. Around the time this guy started coming around more I remembered him talking about working for a daycare. Another friend of mine also worked at this daycare, which I won't name because frankly I've followed the Chris-Chan saga and I don't think the place would appreciate a ween-overload. She told me that he was close to being fired (and eventually did get fired) because he had applied for a job he no idea how to do. He couldn't even do the most basic things for these kids (mostly toddlers) and whenever they started to get upset he'd be rude and mean to them. Finally when they shitcanned him he apparently lost it, with children there, and stormed out saying like "fuck these stupid kids anyway" or something to that effect. He'd offhandedly made jokes about how he'd just leave a girl who he was with if she got pregnant even if the kid was his because he didn't want children at all. Obviously no one thought it was funny. Watching the Shiloh thing unfold it was just one huge reminder of that. Apparently he caused her to miscarry as well, twice. I don't keep up with many of these people from high school much anymore until something crazy as shit happens for this guy. I'll just say there's the possibility he's got a kid out there he won't ever see or acknowledge and neither his current wife, nor the current movement against knew about it until now. He fucked over his ex-wife that badly. He was forced to pay alimony instead of child support because they didn't even want to chance him seeing the child so they just took it away from him and he was completely fine with it from what I've been told. I was told that he did this video to chase her off YouTube because she was close to spilling the truth about it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1z_96Q4wVg[Archived Copy] This video was uploaded the day before he was fully served a restraining order (pic related check the date): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uyvlmpog1c He'd been calling his ex wife non stop being a creep to the utmost maximum. From what I've been told it made his voicemails to AJ sound like someone handling a break up well by comparison. He'd been crapping pants over going to court for it apparently because not only would he have no contact with her, he had to fork over $1500 that day. The video I've linked here is way creepier now that it has some real context. Anyway, that's all I've got for now. Busy day ahead, if people have questions, I'll be back on later. Enjoy, because as obsessive as he is, he's bound to read all of this so things will get pretty interesting over the next few hours if he indeed sees this.

A comment posted on lolcow by one of Greg’s ex-classmates who attended high school with him. Somewhat old, but I just found it for the first time, so I thought it was interesting enough to repost. 

You can read all relevant information about this post here:

http://www.lifeofonion.com/index.php?title=HS_Anon_Account

[grimelords]

My September playlist is here, 37 songs from opera to bossa nova to a song about marrying Tom Collins to thank him for the sips. I’m hopeful there’ll be at least one thing in here you’ll enjoy

Been Drinkin’ Water Out Of Hollow Log - Mississippi Fred McDowell: I love this song because every other version I’ve ever heard sings it as ‘I’ve been drinking muddy water, sleeping in a hollow log’, but straight up drinking out of the log sounds so much better. Also I just found out that this version I’ve loved for years was the original Alan Lomax recording and not a later one like I’d assumed, which is nice!

Tom Collins - The Sloppy Boys: I have not been able to get this song out of my head since I heard it. “I sent an edible arrangement to my travel agent because they had free booze on the carnival cruise” is a masterpiece of rhyme and the way he screams “hold him in my grips!” is just perfect.

What Means Of Witchery - Gospel: This is a perfect song. I think it’s criminal that Gospel aren’t more widely known and I think I’ve decided to make it my life mission to spread the word. The gospel of Gospel if you will. You don’t have to. I had a long daydream a little while ago about transcribing the drums in this song, which feels like an unresolved brain problem but exemplifies just how much I love it.

A Saint Among Madmen - Helen Of Troy: This is the band the drummer from Gospel was in before Gospel and they’re really really good. This sort of spoken word song is hard to pull off without sounding totally corny and I think him being so low in the mix really helps. It reminds me of some early At The Drive-In instrumental wise. The way it finally kicks off, and the sort of yelping desperate tone to the screams in the second half is just so satisfying.

shimripl casual - Autechre: Another cut I enjoyed from Autechre’s immense new album as I work on comprehending it. I like this song because it sounds like a field recording of a prototype mechanical swamp.

New Rules - Dua Lipa: This song feels like it deserves a marching band. There's just so much going on rhythmically, the dancehall rhythm at the centre of it is constantly augmented by all sorts of other percussion, the great snare work throughout, the perfectly formed tiny fill that introduces the chorus, it's just an absolute feast. I only found out the other day that the guy who produced this, Ian Kirkpatrick, also did Bad Liar - what a year for Ian!

My Girls - Tears For Fears: Hey Tears For Fears did a cover of My Girls by Animal Collective and this might be controversial but I think it's better than the original. It tightens up the structure and differentiates the sections a bit, so that it changes from a slow building jam into an odd pop song. They also draw out the harmonies more so that you really notice how funny it is to sing 'my father's graaave' over and over in a big bass under everything.

Crosses - Zero 7 and Jose Gonzales: Sia's career from before she was world-famous Sia is so interesting because she had like a full 15 years of being notable around the world in a bunch of different ways before it all coalesced into Big Sia. She was a backing vocalist in Jamiraquai's band for god's sake. She also was the de facto vocalist of this downtempo band Zero 7 for three albums, but she's not on this song but Jose Gonzales also sang on about half the songs on this album is! This is a remix/cover of his solo song Crosses but this version really shows the song in a whole different light to the original.

Napoleon Solo - At The Drive-In: Years ago in high school one of about 5 videos I had on my iPod was this version of Napoleon Solo from 2001 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Nlfmqsx1r0 and I would watch it over and over and over. It's also a good example of why Cedric's lyrics are like they are. He just talks like that. He says things like 'they had the acme weight dropped on them' to describe his friends who died in a car crash and you just have to go along with it.

Act Three: No. 27 - A Real Slow Drag - Scott Joplin: Did you know Scott Joplin, the man behind everyone's favourite song The Entertainer, wrote TWO operas?? Because I didn't. One of them is unfairly lost to history but the other, Treemonisha, was written in 1911 but not properly performed until the Joplin renaissance in 1972. This is the big finale and it's partly because of the performance but partly because of the way he wrote it but it feels a lot more modern than any other operas I've heard from the era. Even though it is mostly a march, it feels like melodically and structurally he's drawing on pre-blues and gospel music in a way that presages rock and roll and the influence it's had on all music since - it feels more like a musical than an opera.

Celia - Cults: Cults have a new EP and it's an entirely different sound for them. Pounding, dark, Ochestral Manouveurs In The Dark type synths under their best lyrics in a long time.

Sharp Dressed Man - Xiu Xiu: Xiu Xiu did this ZZ Top cover for The AV club and I absolutely love it. It sounds like Queens Of The Stone Age if Josh Homme’s charisma stat overflowed and reset back to 0. This recording they did later is is great but the original video is even better https://youtu.be/0SG6yDSbtxULazy 

Nina - Greg Phillinganes: This was a recommendation from my friend and yours @megapope and thank god he did because I've had it stuck in my head all month. Written by Donald Fagen from Steely Dan for Michael Jackson's keyboard player's solo album, a true behind-the-scenes hit.

Gobbledigook - Sigur Ros: I was thinking about how after Takk Sigur Ros got so big and famous and rich off advertising money for their beautiful music and then made the best move possible and pivoted abruptly away from ethereal graceful floating melodies hung from the moon by a gossamer string to good old fashioned stompers made of wood. This is another in my very short playlist of songs like this and The Dodos first album where the driving rhythm plus acoustic guitars are the centre of it all. A little genre that I think has a lot left in it to explore.

Betty Dreams Of Green Men - Guerilla Toss: This feels like the energy drink version of Aqua by Eurythmics from last month's playlist. This sounds like BATS to me and I'm excited because there's not enough music like this around. Extremely energetic power music about some kind of 1950s alien invasion.

#NeverUseTheInternetAgain - Homeboy Sandman and Edan: I love this song. It starts out with a sentiment everyone can agree on (facebook sucks, the internet is bad) and quickly veers into 50 year old man gripes (GPS has ruined everyone's sense of direction? you should order pizza over the phone? match.com??) but it's got such conviction in the hook that I'm sold anyway and have pledged to #neverusetheinternetagain.

Vanishing Hour - Helen Of Troy: This is another Helen Of Troy song but it basically sounds like an unheard Gospel song, which is incredible new for me; the guy who will never stop tracking down every cassette and live recording they ever did. I don't know how the membership of Helen Of Troy went beyond sharing a drummer but the vocalist of Gospel is unmistakably in the mix here and it sounds fantastic.

Canon x Love S.O.S. - Justice: Another great cut from Justice's new sort of live album. This whole album has really made me appreciate Love S.O.S. a lot more. It comes back two or three times and I'm grateful every time. It's a perfect glam rock sentiment. Sending a love ambulance because there's a love emergency happening.

Mariners Apartment Complex - Lana Del Rey: I feel like we don't deserve new Lana yet. I'm so grateful but I'm still getting over Lust For Life and she's going to do this to me? Amazing.

I Got Cash - Brooklyn Funk Essentials: Another @megapope find. Perhaps the most powerful song I've ever heard, in the sense that I feel like I'm being personally admonished throughout. The power structures at play here are towering and the beat.. it's funky.

Pray - Jungle: Jungle flat out released five (5) singles before their album came out and they were all so amazing that I was worried they wouldn't have anything left for the actual album but guess what: the whole thing is absolutely gold, and especially this last song Pray. The feeling I get from the hook into the big drop feels like being dropped bodily into a big tub of honey, if there was a way that that could feel good instead of terrifying. It’s just luscious.

Sad Rude Future Dude - Ball Park Music: I googled “haven’t had a friend in years” trying to remember what this song was called and became instantly suicidal at the sheer amount of reddit threads that phrase returned. Which is I suppose exactly what this song’s about: posting on reddit about how the internet has ruined my relationships and brain, but in a very upbeat, singalong way. This song is a good example of how a dynamic drummer can completely elevate a song to another level.

Knuck If You Buck - Crime Mobb: Knuckle up if you're buck wild it's Crime Mobb. The best named crew since Ruff Sqwad. The two women in this (Princess and Diamond) absolutely carry the whole song. Everyone else has got such a mopey boring flow but they both come in so lively and so aggressive you cannot get away from it. Is there a more powerful opener than "I come in the club, shaking my dreads, throwing these bows and busting these heads"? Is there a better line in general than "Crime Mob, it ain't no stopping, it be like Saddam Hussein, Hitler and Osama Bin Laden"?

Deixa - Toquinho: I'm quickly becoming one of these 'the end is near' sandwich board guys grabbing people on the street and yelling at them except about bossa nova. It is criminal how much this whole genre has been reduced to funny elevator music or The Girl From Ipanema as ironic intermission music when it has stuff like this to offer us. I really recommend this whole album, I've been obsessed with it over the last couple weeks and it's just breathtaking start to finish.

The Way - Friends: This band's spotify page is good because it's full of absolutely no-name recordings of Blank And Friends that have fucked up their tagging. Anyway I have never heard a song like this, and I didn't think it was possible to use big 80s pinch harmonic guitars like this but they pulled it off in an absolutely beautiful way.

Mass Grave - Health and Soccer Mommy: Corrin Roddick of Purity Ring produced this new Health song which brings the degrees of separation between Health and Katy Perry down to a thrilling 1 since Purity Ring did two songs on her new album. This really does sound like Health covering a Purity Ring song and that's excellent news in my book. I don't know much about Soccer Mommy but this song has definitely inspired me to check her out so I'll undoubtedly report back on that next month.

(two circles) - Boredoms: I only just made the connection that Yamantaka Eye from Boredoms is the same Eye from from Hanatarash who famously drove a bulldozer through the back wall of a venue as part of a performance. Which I mention only because it really exemplifies just how much of a change of direction Vision Creation Newsun is from all that, just ten years later he's in a totally different direction of building something beautiful instead of tearing music (and buildings) apart at the seams. Nobody knows how to describe this album, it's space rock it's post rock it's experimental but it has something that a lot of that music doesn't - positivity. This whole album is a sun-worshipping positive fever without ever feeling lost or meandering.

Centreline - Ava Luna: I'm mad at this song. At about 1:15 they do an extremely satisfying thing sing the 'line' in 'centre line' in a deep bass and it sounds great. Then every other time that section comes around they either don't sing it or there's something else going on that obscures it and it blueballs you for the whole rest of the song. Other than that it's good, but i'm at war with this song.

Venice Bitch - Lana Del Rey: I am so excited that Lana Del Rey is finally embracing the most often ignored part of americana and facilitating a jam band. This is the last thing I would expect from Jack Antonoff but he did amazingly. It sounds closer to Ultraviolence era than anything else she's done and I'm just plain excited to see what the album is going to be like if this is any indication.

Act 1 Scene 4: This Is Monstrous, Wozzeck! - Alban Berg: I found an english version of Wozzeck and it's one of the best opera recordings I've ever heard. It's just plain mixed and recorded well, which is a rarity when a lot of opera recordings seem like they just hung a single mic somewhere at the back of the theatre and pressed the button. Anyway here's the good bit from Wozzeck where Wozzeck goes to the doctor and the doctor yells at him for "Pissing! Pissing there on the pavement!" See, opera’s fun!

Pop Roll Flow - Clypso: I heard this song on Unearthed when they had Nick Littlemore from Pnau guest programming and I love it. It feels brand new and very familiar at the same time, every sound in it is in absolute hypercolour, and the verse vocal sounds like a cool insect is singing at me. What's not to love!

I Might Survive - Architecture In Helsinki: I always feel like Arcitechture In Helsinki are poised to make like Portugal The Man and have an international superhit off their seventh album. They have been consistently reinventing their brain of weirdo-pop every single album for 15 years now and it feels like they've still got so much more to give. This song especially deserved to be a hit in my opinion, it's pop perfection and I've come around from hating to completely loving the little 'than alive baby!' adlib near the end.

Angels - The xx: My two best friends got married to each other this month and it was beautiful. What's more, she picked the perfect song to walk down the aisle to. I'm so happy to see two of the people I love the most in love with each other, and also when I drove them to their suite after the reception my phone accidentally started playing Merzbow's new album which was good.

Jesus Was A Cross Maker - Judee Sill: I'm so glad I found out about this album. Judee Sill had a crazy life, and her wiki page is a ride but unlike a lot of musicians with a back story her music stand alone - unique, rich and beautiful. Tightly structured and thoughtfully composed for such hippy-dippy christian mythology themes, and melodically beautiful even when her voice isn't quite up to the task. It really does feel like the spirit was moving through her. This song in particular is amazing I have been straight up listening to it on repeat. The phrasing is insane, the self-harmonised vocals sound like they're phasing in a very cool way, the violins break into a Bach figure halfway through - it's just amazing. I cannot stop listening. I've also started a playlist of this, Jesus Is A Dying Bedmaker by John Fahey and Jesus Came To My Brithday Party by The Middle East so I'm absolutely 'on one' as the kids say.

Rappers Convention - Harlem World Crew: another thanks to @megapope for bringing this incredible moment to my attention. A very early rap song that was recorded in the middle of the Iranian hostage crisis and helpfully gives a complete breakdown of the situation in the opening verse before getting back to basics and detailing how much they love partying for the remaining 5 minutes. Music is truly incredible. 

I Need A Lover - John Mellencamp: I'm learning a lot about John Mellencamp this week. Apparently this song was originally on the album 'A Biography' in 78 that didn't get a release in the US because his first album did so badly, but I Need A Lover was a top ten hit here in Australia and was thusly included on his next album a year later and blew up in the US. The other surprising thing is the album version, this version, has a fully two minute long intro before it gets to the song.

High (feat. Elton John) - Young Thug: The Lil' Nutsack song that makes Dewey Cox famous again in Walk Hard is real now and it's good as fuck.​

listen here

[banditthewriter]

Somebody Like You - Billy Russo - 3/3

Thank you to the people that messaged about this story. I’m glad you enjoyed it! Here is the last part. It’s a little longer than usual, but I couldn’t figure out a good place to split it.

Thanks you @slytheringranger for the request!

Tags are at the bottom. Let me know if you would like to be added to one of my tag lists!

*gif not mine*

Enjoy!

***** After learning that the guy you had become involved with was not only in the mob but apparently some sort of mob boss, you weren't sure the best course of action. Would he take offense if you just ghosted him? Was that even an option when he knew where you lived? Daisy apologized for how she told you about him, but you thanked her for telling you the truth. Better that than him making a fool out of you. A few days after the reveal, while you ignored every phone call and text from him, you pulled you tablet over to you and typed in the one thing you had been avoiding. Googling your ex was one thing. Googling your ex because he was in the mob was something completely different. You spent almost the entire weekend looking up information about what he was involved in. It seems like after he served time in the Marines, he got involved with some people doing some low level running and worked his way to the top. And damn if you weren't just a little impressed by his tenacity to make it to the top of the mob in just a few short years. The businesses he owned were legit; his way of paying dues after his almost conviction a few years back. That meant that the place where he had helped you get a job was technically owned by a mobster but not run by the mob. In fact, besides his name on some of the paperwork, it showed no connection to the mob at all. And if the workers knew that a mob boss was the company owner, none of them seemed inclined to care. You had only worked there for a few short weeks before Daisy spilled the beans, but you hadn't gotten even a whiff of corruption at work. That presented a new conundrum for you. Billy got you the job, or at least helped get you the position. It made you feel sleazy to stay at the job knowing what you now knew, but you weren't ready to leave yet. The pay was good but you needed to restock your savings before you could be unemployed again. Your phone buzzed and you hesitated as you picked it up. Every day, twice a day, you got a text from Billy. It was almost noon so it was time for his first daily message. Please give me a chance to explain why I didn't tell you. I owe you that much. He owed you? You looked around at the office building where you were working and shook your head. You'd consider yourself even. And maybe part of you was worried that if he explained himself and you could see any sense to his explanation, you'd forget that you should be scared of him and end up back in his bed again. And that wasn't where you wanted to be. Or, well. It was where you wanted to be but it wasn't where you needed to be. When you thought you were sleeping with the owner of the company, that was one thing. Thinking about sleeping with a mob boss that owned the company made you realize how stupid you had been. Another buzz had you looking at your phone once more. In the time since the reveal, he had stuck to his routine of a noon text and an eight at night text. This soon after his last message would mean that it probably wasn't him. Except today, apparently. I just wanted to let you know that I have to come to the office where you work. It's not on purpose, I swear, but maybe we can talk while I'm there. Oh hell no. You grabbed your stuff, shooting off a message to the person you were supposed to be meeting, and high tailed it out of building. The last thing you needed was to run into him here. At your apartment once more, you curled up on your couch with the television playing softly in the background. Billy had called twice since you left the office but you ignored both calls. What could you even say to him? "You're a mob boss and you lied to me about it but that's okay because I was kind of falling for you?" You had been, that much was apparently obvious in your inability to forget about him, but you couldn't just let his involvement with the mob be swept aside. There was enough danger and violence in the world-- hell, in the city-- without him adding to it. Feelings or not, you needed space. ------ The knock on your door startled you. You paused the movie you were watching and checked the clock. It was just before five, but you weren't expecting guests. You heart pounding painfully in your chest, you made your way over to the door. Not for the first time you wished you had a peep hole. Instead of dwelling on that, you thread the chain into the lock so that you could only open the door a few inches. Billy was standing at the door and when you tried to slam the door shut, he smacked his hand against the wood to force it to stay open. "What do you want?" Billy met your eyes and you were almost swept away by memories of him holding you, him joking around with you. Somehow you found the strength to just continue glaring at him. "I was at the office and when I couldn't find you, I asked around. Turns out no one knew who you were." He narrowed his eyes but there was something more sad than angry about his tone. "You didn't have to quit because of me." "I didn't," you said as you shrugged a bit. "I only know like two people there so maybe you didn't ask them about me." "But you're home before five?" "Yeah, the moment you said you were coming by the office, I left." "Wow," Billy said as he finally dropped his hand from the door. "Fucked up so bad that you left work to get away from me." You weren't about to correct him, but he looked so down trodden. The memory of the two of you talking late at night, the gentleness in how he touched you, had you conflicted. Carefully you shut the door. With a deep breath, you undid the chain and opened the door once more. "You have five minutes." Billy stepped into the apartment but thankfully didn't try to move to the couch. Instead he stood by the door and waited for you to shut it. Once done, you turned to him and gestured with your hand for him to begin. "I didn't go into it wanting to deceive you," he said to start with. "I gave you my card because I thought you were attractive and looked at least a little interested in me." "And then I didn't call," you said, urging him to get to the point. "And honestly I kind of forgot about you until I saw you at the bar again. You looked like you were having a shitty night and I wanted to make it better." He shrugged, sliding his hands into his jacket pockets. "It was just supposed to be something simple and easy; feelings weren't supposed to get involved." "Feelings?" That was the first time you'd heard tell of feelings. At least on his side. The confused look on Billy's face didn't clear that up for you either. "I don't know when I started to fall for you, but I did. And seeing your face when your friend told you who I am just damn near killed me." "Your five minutes are almost up," you whispered, trying like hell not to let his words effect you. "I didn't tell you about being William Russo because I'm trying to be more than that. Sitting on trial for everything I was charged with puts things in perspective. I'm trying to take this organization legit but that's not really something you bring up on a first date." "What about a second date or a third date or before you sleep with someone or-" "I know," he said as he took a step towards you. He saw you flinch at his nearness and gave you a brief nod as he stepped back once more. "I should have told you but by time you were close enough to me that I should have said something, I cared too much and was scared I would lose you." And that was what you had been afraid of since the moment he mentioned feelings. Maybe even before then. Your heart was pounding in your chest and all you wanted was for Billy to wrap you up in his arms and let you be safe there. "Your five minutes are up," you said as you stepped around him to unlock the door. As you started to open the door, he spun you around and pressed you against the hard wood. He crashed his mouth against yours in a hard kiss, his hands cupping your face as he traced his tongue over your lips. Not caring that you were in the middle of kicking him out, you wrapped one arm around his neck to pull him closer while your other hand clutched at his jacket. You should shove him away, maybe slap him for even trying to kiss you, but you didn't want to separate him from you. You'd missed this too much. And maybe you were worried that if you did stop him, if you stopped this, you wouldn't get another chance. "Forgive me," he begged between kisses, angling your head so that he could kiss you deeper. "Please. Take me back." You wanted to crumble. You wanted to melt into the kiss and stay there with him. The hand that was fisted into his jacket started to move, your intention of wrapping around him, but you brushed against something hard and heavy in his pocket. You pulled away, dropping your hands to pull his jacket open to reveal a gun tucked into an inside pocket of his leather jacket. "Trying to go legit my ass," you swore as you pushed him away. His eyes widened and followed your gaze to the gun and then he looked back up at you. "Wait, I can explain--" "I'm tired of your explanations," you said through clenched teeth, pushing against him again. "You came to my apartment with a damn gun?" He started to shake his head but it wasn't like he could deny it. You spun around and opened the door, glaring at him as you pointed out into the hallway. "Get out of here or I swear I'll call the cops." Billy waited a moment as if he thought you would immediately changed your mind, but when you did nothing more than just jerk your head at the door, he finally just nodded. "I'm sorry Y/N," he said with a shake of his head. "This isn't what I wanted. I wanted more." "Go," you said, voice quivering as you tried not to cry. Finally he closed his eyes for a moment and stepped through into the hall. With one last look at his stiff back, you shut the door and locked it. That was that. ------ A plain white envelope was taped to your door when you got home from work a few days later. Your landlord sometimes left information that way, so you grabbed it and stepped into your apartment. After you changed into some sweats, you slid your finger under the flap of the envelope. The handwriting wasn't familiar so you looked down and saw the signature. Billy. The urge to throw the letter away was strong, but you decided to read it. If he brought it to you knowing how you felt, you could at least read it. Y/N, I know that you're tired of my explanations, but I need to explain why I had a gun with me. I am trying to go legit, but I made a few enemies. I was able to fix things with most of them, make amends or just compromise enough so that I don't have to look over my shoulder, but not all of them. There's one in particular that I feel like would love to see my name followed by the word deceased. The times we were together, I kept the gun hidden, but I have to admit that I didn't think you'd let me in your apartment. Much less get close enough to see the gun. I know that I've blown my shot with you. I know that you want nothing to do with me anymore. This isn't about me asking you to take me back. This letter is just so that you know I am trying to be a better man. If I thought there was still a chance for us, I'd never let you go. I want you to know that. Maybe I'll see you around. Billy You read the letter twice before you read the last part again. He must have given up on you. That should make you feel better. It's what you wanted, right? So why did those words make you want to cry. You folded the letter and put it on your coffee table, taking a deep breath before you stood up. You were about to do something really stupid. ------ Anvil was housed in a large concrete building. The name wasn't even on a sign; if you missed the name on the door, you missed it completely. Your time dating Billy meant that you had been there once so you were able to find it with both trouble. The man in the front of lobby looked confused when he saw you, but when you introduced yourself he nodded and picked up the phone on the desk. "Mr Russo, there's a woman here asking for you. Yes, I know, but it's Y/N." There was a moment a silence and then he nodded, gesturing for you to have a seat as he hung up the phone. "Mr Russo will be down in a minute," he said as he gave you a knowing smile. You made your way over to the comfortable chairs in the waiting area, tapping your toes as you waited for Billy. Coming here might have been a mistake but you weren't turning back now. Just as you were starting to think that Billy was not going to show, the double doors came open. He was wearing one of his three piece suits that made your mouth water a bit. He shot a look at the guy who had called him and then took a few steps towards you. "Y/N, surprised to see you here. What can I do for you today?" His voice was perfectly polite and professional and it took you by surprise. He was giving you what you wanted, what you had asked for. This was him trying to place nice. You glanced over at the guy that was pretending not to eavesdrop and stepped a little closer to Billy. "I have questions," you said in as even a tone as possible. He motioned for you to continue but you tilted your head towards his employee. "Mind if we take this somewhere... else?" After a moment he nodded and lead you up some stairs and down a few halls to where his office was. It was smaller than you had expected with windows everywhere. He gestured for you to have a seat across from his desk. He hesitated at his own chair before he moved over to sit in the chair next to yours. "What are your questions?" "I read up on the charges. Weapons, drugs, assault," you listed carefully and then you took a breath, meeting his eyes before you jumped in completely, "and conspiracy to commit murder?" "That one was a stretch which is why it got dropped. The other ones were rooted in truth, but they got dropped as well." "The witnesses disappeared," you reminded, trying to keep your tone even but you needed these answers. "No, they decided not to testify. Yeah there was some witness tampering there, but none that can be proven." At your shocked look, Billy gave a soft laugh and leaned back in the chair a bit. "I'm not trying to hide things from you. You wanted the truth so that's what you're getting. I'm not Prince Charming, Saint Peter isn't gonna call my name any time soon. These are facts that I've accepted about myself." You bit your lip and looked down at your hands, trying to process the information you had. Billy wasn't exactly a good person, but you didn't think he was a bad person. He did seem sincere in his strides to become legit and get out. And even though just the idea was blowing your mind, he did seem to genuinely care about you and what you thought about him. With that in mind, you looked up and met his eyes once more. "Would I be in danger for being with you?" Billy's eyes widened at your words slowly as it sank it what you were getting at. He shifted until he was leaning forward a bit, tilting his head a little. "I've divided the organization up as well as I can, even between competitors and enemies. I always played both sides of the fence in case I needed a quick out. My last worry was taken care of when I signed the last of my rights over." "So you're mob free?" He shrugged and then offered a short nod. This was it. You knew that you'd have a hard time explaining this to Daisy and Charlie and the others, but you'd made a decision before you walked into the building. Now that you had the information, you stood up. Billy joined you, obviously curious. He didn't move as you stepped closer to him. The only change in his appearance was a little smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. You reached up and pressed your palm flat against his sternum, giving him just a little push. "Thin ice," you said as you stepped up into his space. "No more lies, no more bullshit." The smirk was starting to stretch into a full blown smile. He whispered your name, tugging you in and leaning down to press a kiss against your lips. This kiss was your way to pour all of your feelings into this man. This was a kiss that said you wanted to be with him, you wanted to trust him. His hands brushing along your hips, pulling you in closer as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss, you knew that you'd been hooked from the moment you met his eyes in the bar. "I won't disappoint you," he said as he pulled back, smirking at you as he rubbed his thumb against your cheek. “Are you sure about this?” You smiled, grabbing his hand to press a kiss to his palm. "There's more to you than your past, so why not?" "And if my past comes back to haunt us?" He was serious. You could see a sliver of worry in his eyes as he asked. You squeezed his hand and stepped closer, leaning in to kiss his lips this time. "Then I trust you to handle it," you whispered against his lips. His smile made your heart speed up and you shook your head with a laugh as you leaned in for another kiss. You knew you were going to have your hands full with this one.

X

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[defrogger]

Snorkeling - Drifting Via An Underwater Globe!

Snorkeling is an expensive word for breathing undersea while floating. It is the heavenly experience of weightlessness, when the body relinquishes all worry, all negativity, and also your eyes take your mind via an inverted bubble as you wade through passages of friendly fish, lurking lobsters, blooming sea followers, colorful corals, sea sponges, quiet and also slothful sea cucumbers, resting sea rays, and big green and significant hawksbill sea turtles. Visualize you just got an individual invite from an animated sea creature to take place a scenic tour with a huge fish tank the dimension of a football area. That is what a snorkeling experience is to those who never experienced the natural high that snorkeling gives.

dive mask defogger

Years back as I lay on the aft deck of a sail watercraft anchored off Bird Island-- positioned roughly half mile due east of Jumby Bay Island and hotel Antigua-- I saw a blue wrasse circle the watercraft a couple of times. I held a piece of bread in my hand as well as dared the fish to take it. The very first day, its perseverance overcame me as well as my huge heart. The second day it came more detailed. By the third day, it felt confident enough to take the bread out of my hand. By day 5, it is either my creative imagination got the better of me, or I was flipping out since my little fishy close friend in fact bid me to follow it. So I took a snorkel and mask from the boat and after a couple of practice sessions, I got on my way following my little close friend.

My initial response was "Wow!" Purple sea sponges, yellow, white as well as brownish corals, giant squid, as well as sea steeds that swam upside down-- I saw them all as my little close friend presented me to its globe-- a sort of thank you for sharing my lunch daily. Naturally I got hooked.

Learn to Snorkel: 10 Simple Keys:

After educating so many individuals to snorkel, numerous that first informed me "I can not swim," I have chosen to pass the info on millions a lot more. A whole brand-new world of relaxation in liquid colour awaits you.

Never say you can not swim or you can not snorkel. Presuming that physically you are able to, the only factor you can not swim is that perhaps you were never ever educated; the only factor you can not snorkel is that maybe you never attempted. So begin to enjoy the Discovery Network as well as observe the beauty as well as ease through which the human body will move via water when it is at its most unwinded state.

Secret number 1 ... Go to a Dive store, sporting goods shop or Google Amazon or Target stores. Click snorkel devices within their outdoors divisions. Consider the different sorts of equipment you will certainly need. For just about $100.00, you can discover among the most safe, healthiest and most fulfilling sporting activities readily available. You will certainly require a mask, a set of fins, and the vest is optional. If the vest is buoyant and also you fidget about swimming, after that purchase the vest.

Trick number 2 ... Snorkeling is an elegant word for being able to breathe pleasantly under water. So a proper suitable mask is needed for making certain that water doesn't permeate via. A tube fits under the band of the mask and protrudes over the water's surface to allow you to breathe in air through your mouth, since the mask is constructed in such a way that your nose fits inside the mask. You first goal is to make certain that the open tip of the snorkel does not go under water while you are taking in air. So before you put on a mask, in the comfort of your house hold your nose and, find out to take a breath via your mouth while holding your nose. Try paying attention to music or even checking out a book while you are doing it. That simulates the kind of positive disturbance you will certainly have while snorkeling.

Trick number 3 ... When looking for, or renting out a mask, ensure your mask fits. A lot of Caribbean hotels-- specifically those recognized for beaches with coral reefs-- have their very own snorkel tools readily available for guests. Prior to you book your next Caribbean vacation, ask your travel agent: "Does the hotel have crystal clear water, and also snorkeling off the coastline?"

Not all Caribbean resorts have great snorkeling from their nearby coastline. Some organize boat trips to reefs; others do not have the type of clear exposure required for snorkeling. Do your very own study; check out the visitors discuss their website. As a person that has actually snorkeled in the Caribbean, Pacific Isles, as well as the Mediterranean, my preferred areas are: Barbuda, Bequia, as well as Antigua with its practically 400 beaches, consisting of lots of unoccupied as well as ecologically undisturbed offshore islands. Lots of people will inform you that Antigua has some of the world's finest beaches and that is tough to conflict; however, what couple of individuals understand is that although Antigua flaunts a lot more Top Ten-rated beaches than the majority of locations, its sister island Barbuda has-- in my opinion and also the point of view of numerous professional dive individuals-- at least 2 of the globe's finest: both are unoccupied coastlines over 10 miles in length each. One beach stretches for 17 miles, has pink sand and the other stretches for over 12 miles, is reef-fringed, loaded with lobsters, shipwrecks fifty percent mile off, and has all kind of lovely fish and marine life. The latter I would advise for experienced swimmers since even if you had one week to explore the last coastline stated, there would certainly not suffice time to explore all the reefs and also their appeal.

Just how do you check your mask? Place on your mask by drawing the mask over your face as well as protecting the bands behind your head comfortably as well as snugly. Make certain that you do not have hairs under the rubber of the mask. If hairs can obtain under, then water will certainly obtain under. You desire your mask protect enough to ensure that no water obtains under. If water obtains under it will certainly get involved in your mask. As you method, you will certainly find that the most convenient means to obtain water out of your mask is to push the mask against your face, push in the top and also as you blow hard against the mask, the water will leak out. At first, given that you will certainly be snorkeling where you can stand, just quit, stand, lean your head back as well as drain out the water. To obtain water out of your tube, either remove your mouth as well as drain the tube or if face is listed below the waterline, merely wrap your lips over the snorkel rubber securely and burn out all the water. Initially you will certainly want to stand to drain out the water. Nevertheless, as you grow in confidence, just utilize your mouth to burn out the water. If you have actually ever before played a groove or a blowing tool, the exact same principles apply-behave as if you are spitting out a grape seed and ensure you blow out all water.

Trick number 4 ... Practical practice test ... This simple method I call the practical practice test. Place on your mask, ensuring that no hairs are under the side of your mask; place the tube in your mouth. For this examination, you require your tub, your pool, your hotel beach, or a lake. Stand in around 4 feet of water, as well as after making certain that your mask as well as snorkel (tube) are properly fitted; press the rubber at the front sides of your mask: that seals the mask to your face. Next, put your entire face below the waterline to make certain that no water leakages in. If water leakages in, inspect to make sure your bands are limited sufficient which no hairs from beards, moustaches or hairlines enable water to leak under the rubber of the mask; then review the actions again. Do not take a breath out into the mask as that will mist it up. If you are a novice, ask the snorkel buy anti-fogging sprays.

Trick number 5 ... As soon as you have waterproofed your mask, slide the snorkel (tube) under your head strap, brace it against your face, impact hard to make sure that no water got involved in the tube and after that start to breathe via the tube while your head is under water. As soon as you have a water resistant mask and also tube, as well as you can breathe with television without water going into, you are 90% heading to snorkeling. The remainder is scholastic as well as natural physics.

Scuba mask anti fog

Secret number 6 ... Ensure your fins fit easily, not also securely to cause discomfort or aches-- tight adequate to ensure that they do not fall of when you paddle. You must know your footwear dimension. Your shoe dimension is your fin size. Place on your fins, ensuring they are safe as well as comfy. Try walking backwards. If you can pitch in the water easily, you are now 99% all set. Prior to putting on your mask, attempt swimming about with your fins using what we call snake creeps or mermaid movements. Do not bend your knees as if doing jump, avoid and jump, or exercise bike activities. The even more kicked back and also fluid your movements are, the much less most likely you are to get pains.

Trick number 7 ... Lock down your mind and also get into automatic setting. The factor: the body is normally buoyant when in a loosened up state. Visualize you will stretch out on a large water bed. As your mask is strapped to the back of your head and also fit snugly, make certain the tube or snorkel is above the water line. Delicately push forward with arms prolonged like a cross, and visualize you are jumping in your bed. With the same motion, you will certainly feel like you are in a gigantic water bed with one exemption: you can see and also take a breath under water. Just utilize your arms to guide. When you push both arms in reverse gradually, you will go forward. When you press them onward slowly, you will step. If you intend to turn right, simply push with your left hand; if you intend to go left, push with your right hand-- simply put, where you wish to go, utilize the other hand to press you there.

Key number 8 ... Make sure when you attempt your very first snorkeling on a coastline that at the very least one helper is about. It is so easy to obtain addicted as well as forget ahead up to see where you are or where you are going. If it is really windy or very rough forget it unless you are seasoned. The presence will certainly not be good and possibilities are that you will ingest a great deal of water.

Key number 9 ... Attempt to be as all-natural and fluid with your motions as possible. Bear in mind fins and also snorkels are developed to allow you look and also swim like among the natives. Try to assimilate as well as do not behave like a ridiculous event crasher.

Secret number 10 ... NEVER GO SNORKELING IN THE SEA ALONE, As Well As STAY OUT OF WATERCRAFT WATERWAYS!

With these simple keys, globes of wonder, relaxation as well as elegance await you.

[violetbeachpod]

transcript: 9 - communication issues

Okay, so, we’re doing this again. Cool. Sup. It’s your girl.

No. No. That’s bad.

Charlotte, here. Cranor-Liu. From here. You know me. I know you. We’re friends. That’s--a thing that’s happening.

I have a better opening line. But first, a foreword. A preface? Not sure, not really giving two shits, but.

Cool.

So. Each of you individually texted me a potential opener for this. To be fair, and because they were all equally dumb and bad, I will read all of them individually.

Benji Ahuja, local small business owner and general huge nerd and also my worst enemy, but, like, in a friendly rivalry way, we are both so committed to this bit where we pretend to hate each other, okay, says: We got a real life possession on our hands, folks!

Corny. Bad. Sounds like a line from an 80s disaster movie, which, actually, is probably what you were going for.

I have never seen an 80s disaster movie. Was that 80s or 70s? Again, don’t really care. That’s rhetorical.

AJ Diggs, very good barista and very bad lab partner, yeah, dude, I am still bitter about that physics project from eighth grade where I had to write the whole paper at 3 AM, says: Did I miss anything?

He also used emojis in that, but I’ll spare him the embarrassment of reading out what they were. Actually--they were interrobangs, and then the 100 one a few times, as a joke, maybe? I don’t know if he knows what that one means. He’s not hip. He’s like a grandpa in a teen body. Wears the sweaters and everything. Not in the Macklemore way, which wouldn’t help him either, but in the actual grandpa way. He’s not even trying to be cool. He just dresses like a grandpa.

I love him very much. He is my dearest friend in the world. Thank you. Now, AJ, please never remind me that I said that.Because I can and will curse you and make you into a werewolf man or something. Cuz I’m evil and magical and can destroy you.

Robin Harper, writer and general icon: Can you maybe mention that my wedding was nice? I feel like Teresa didn’t acknowledge that enough. I’m kidding. LOL. Open it with, like. A message of concern. Say something nice, Charlotte. I love you. Hope you’re having a nice day. But. Please. Heart emoji. Heart emoji. Heart emoji.

Teresa literally told us not to be nice, so, uh, no. Love you too though.

Elaine Harper, crazy cat lady and also an icon: Dealing With Your Girlfriend From An Alternate Universe For Dummies is an easy book to write.

That’s--no one read those books. Did you read those books? Elaine, you’re legally obligated to tell me. Boom, roasted, whatever. I--that’s not even funny, Elaine, and you seemed to be, like, slightly cool, so, uh, thanks for ruining that illusion. I should have known, from the fact that you were getting married to Robin, but, alas, your cool vibes distracted me from that.

Teresa Marin, who sometimes gets possessed and who is also a student: Teresa Marin, more like Teresa Scarin’ me!

I absolutely refuse. No further comment. And, then, and here’s the interesting part:

Angie Thompson, student who wants, desperately, to be a singer-songwriter, but, like, who knows, maybe her music’s just not for me?: Teresa Marin, more like Teresa Scarin’ me!

Thinking about it, Angie probably sent that from both of their phones. Teresa’s not funny, but, uh, her jokes are better than that. I hope. Oh my God, I hope. Because Teresa is, like. Not a rhyming humor type of person. I know her well enough to know that, okay?

Anyway, so, uh, here’s my opener:

Can we learn how to, like, communicate like normal human goddamned beings about, like, the alternative universe that has entered into our lives? Like, I get not sharing out publicly, but we all know about it. We can, like, maybe tell each other about being possessed as soon as it happens the first time.

Look, my girlfriend, Mae Babson who, yes, is from an alternate universe, and who is also super cool and great and is my girlfriend and who is not a nerdlord, unlike you weirdasses and also me, was raised in a place where she cannot lie.

Which is sort of a cool thing, from, like, a moral standpoint, even though it was used to hurt her and those around her.  Y’know what I mean?

Listen, look, listen, maybe we as a group of friends can take a page out of the book of the evil villain or whatever we’re calling him and, like, tell each other the truth.

But that’s—whatever. Whatever. We can make a Google Doc or something? Maybe. As a solution to this whole info-sharing crisis we’re having with each other.

Okay. So.

How’s me? How’s Charlotte? How is she doing? How on top is she? Is she still killing it?

Of course she is. But let’s elaborate. We need elaboration, here.

Well. I’m directing a one act that I wrote. That’s cool. My first few pitches got rejected, but, uh, the current one’s pretty good, so. I’m cool with that. And this one hopefully won’t get ruined by paranormal happenings. So. That’s cool. It’s a subversion of vampire romance tropes and a subtle commentary on heteropatriarchy in YA fiction. Because I’m that good.

Uh. I got a job? That’s something. Just heard back yesterday, I’ve actually only told AJ so far, so. Cool? It’s at the Bean Zone, so. AJ’s training me. So that’ll be a fun experience for all of us, which is to say, AJ, I’m going to make your life hell and there is nothing you can do to stop me. Absolutely nothing. Because Amanda loves me.

Mae is finally coming out of her shell, a little bit. You guys are—thanks for being good to her. I’m being genuine here. It’s very difficult to, uh. Cope? I guess, for her, and you guys are being genuinely cool.

Once you got over the whole alternate universe, thing, I mean, like. Thanks for not grilling her ever, but. You need to—

Whatever. Whatever. I’m not about to get sappy. I don’t do sappy. I’m a huge badass, and, as such, I don’t get sappy. We can all accept this about me.

I’m about to update you on Weird Shit. Because that, assholes, is the point of these. I mean, you could maybe argue that this is, as a group of people who are generally terrible at being alive and interacting at other people, a way for us to interact with other people, but.

Nah.

This is for weird shit updates. Those and only those

So. Teresa has been getting possessed on and off for months. If you’ve somehow managed to forget, which I haven’t. And my memory’s not great, so, I’m assuming that you’ve all remembered that. That’s cool. Kinda scary, but cool. Good to have that particular knowledge secured in terms of Weird Shit That’s Going Down Annual, a magazine edited by me.

But.

Uh. Mae seems to be the only fully successful—y’know. transport of a person to this world. She’s not sure why. I think it’s because she’s just very good at everything, but. She broke into a museum and everything, like, pulled a heist and all. Which is very cute. Very cool.

She doesn’t have a double. Most other people who’ve tried—do. There’s not another Mae Babson. There is another me, another Teresa, you get it. I don’t know—and really, I don’t care about why there aren’t doubles of certain people. That’s not—that’s a stupid thing to spend time caring about. For me. You guys can go wild on it, but, honestly? I’m cool with there being a second me. Mae says she’s chill.

Presumably, she’s—she’s extremely chill. And Mae—Mae didn’t know her super well, I guess? Because I’m—I’m sure that she’d like her. Probably better.

Because, uh. She’d understand and everything. And she’s probably a little. Y’know. More—determined. Sharper. Y’know? Because she’s—

I should not get jealous of myself in an alternate universe. She probably has self-esteem issues too.

Doc David Diggs says I need to work on projection. I’ve been talking to him. Do we all talk to him? I know that Angie does. And AJ doesn’t. But. Yeah.

Uh. Other Weird Shit. Hm. Let’s get into that. That’s—going on. Certainly, certainly, def, def, obvi, obvi, y’know how it is. More blank-faced people—failed travelers, I guess. The board is still a thing. I’ve snuck into a few meetings, and, uh. They’re pulling, uh, some shit. I took notes and everything. I’m not even taking APUSH notes anymore, so we can see that this actually matters to me.

Also, I still have a 93 in that class, so, uh, guess who’s on top? Yeah. I am a genius, thank you, thank you, thank you.

So. Notes. Notes on notes. Hell yeah.

So, I kept a chart of this, so.

Names of people on the board that I can make out are:

Hamish South

Katherine (not sure if it’s with a c or a k or a y or whatever? that’s a bad name to have. don’t name your child catherine. please) Brooks

Frederick Lewis

Daniel Wexton

Lisa Barnes

And there are a few others, but I can’t get their names. Mae doesn’t know any of the names, says that they’re way too secretive over there, so. Cool. You know how it is.

I have a few sketches of their faces, but they’re not great and I kind of have an issue with noses, so Mae can’t recognize them. None of them have doubles.

Daniel Wexton is the one who grabbed me, I think. Same voice and everything. Can’t quite make out his features, but.

These are the bad guys. That should be, uh, pretty obvious. But they’re the bad guys! That’s cool to know! Cue graphic, cheesy music, the more you know, and all the rest. Eugh. That’s—

So. Cool. We know who we’re going after.

Okay, more notes. Evil plans:

-Necromancy. The rest turned to sirens and other really painful noises, but I got necromancy? so? That’s important. I think it’s to get our boy Andy back, because this is very much a cult, which, cool, we’re infiltrating a cult, and by we’re, I mean me, and by infiltrating, I mean spying on, because I’m not technically getting into the cult itself. I’m just listening. You get me.

-Cut back on drama spending. That’s an evil plan. It’s the evil plan in every Muppet movie, and the board is doing it, so it counts. And yes, I do love the Muppets. I have emotions. I’m only human. I have a heart. None of you are allowed to repeat this to anyone ever. But, anyways, how fucked up is that? Not only are they trying to kill people, they’re also trying to take away my whole Thing, so. Yeah! Love this!

-Eliminate travelers from their place to ours, which makes sense, but which is, uh terrifying. Not much else to say, but it’s. Y’know. A thing that’s happening.

-Benji’s name came up one time but I got bored, so I stopped writing. Also the janitor walked in so I had to run before I got caught by anyone?

And that’s all that’s really relevant.

Um. I don’t really know how to end this? I guess--I just have to reaffirm that we know who the hell we’re investigating, and maybe fighting? Is this a showdown thing? Will there be a climactic battle sequence? Cuz I’m good at those. I can punch. Ask AJ.

So. Yeah. Update complete. This is Charlotte, signing off for now, cuz, uh. I--are we still doing sign-offs? Should I get a, uh. Like a normal one? Or one that we all use? Because I don’t trust you to come up with those things, because you’re clearly all less charming than me.

So. Yeah. We’re not doing that.

I do love you guys. Stay safe. Tell me if something happens.

Bye.

[sussex-nature-lover]

Friday 1st January 2021

Review of the Year Q1  January, February, March 2020. Pre Pandemic Lockdown.

Hello, I’m wishing everyone a Happy, Healthy and Safe Year Ahead. We always say that don’t we, but boy does it have so much more meaning this time.

What can I say about the year just gone that hasn’t already been said? Well, they say a picture paints a thousand words so I’m going to choose some of my own photographs to illustrate the most positive things we experienced over the strangest year of our lives - the year of the Covid-19 coronavirus world pandemic, which is still raging today (and let’s hope I don’t get to say that again)

I’m cheating at the very beginning because I’m starting off by using a photo from Christmas 2019 when we had one of our usual type of trees in the Hall.

I’d usually decorate the Hall tree in the traditional red and gold

Below is the little tree that gained promotion this year, but in pink and white, silver and gold. That was a bit fancy for me, but the Owls liked it.

It put on some healthy growth throughout the year and played host to many perching little birds, mainly Blue, Great and Marsh Tits. I had to clear off all the cobwebs and take out all the bits of twig and leaf before it could come indoors.

And there it was, pressed into service. Every year in this house we’ve had at least two trees, a 7-8′ and a 5-6′ but this year, Little Tree was upgraded to the starring role. Hoorah Little Tree, you’ve done us proud. One of the best things to enjoy about the tree is all the memories that come with the decorations collected year after year from all around the world and some dating back to my Granny’s tree, although they’re looking rather delicate these days.

You can see our fairly recent tradition of perching ‘Travis’ the Christmas Pheasant in prime position just underneath the Angel. I think he looked fab this year, you can see him a bit more clearly than on a bigger tree.

January Garden Visitors: Sparrowhawk

As for January 2020, it brought some horrid bitterly cold, wet and windy weather. We were lucky on the 10th when we drove to Ms NW tE’s house and she put on a fantastic lunch that we both really enjoyed. That was the last time we sat down close at the table with anyone else outside of our own home and ate together* Last time we dined out-out was November 2018! Those were the days. 31st January 2020 was also the last time I had my hair cut - now it’s the longest it’s been since I was about half the age I am now and it might even be longer than then and still growing.

* Ms NW tY did pop around after work for supper in February and we meant to make that a fairly regular thing, but the only other time we got to eat together was when it was allowed outdoors in the Summer - sat at opposite ends of a very, very long table. That was weird.

January: sunset 

The bad wet weather had started here in late October 2019 and we were caught in flooding in Cheshire. The Fire Brigade came to pump water off the road that  we were sat on for a very long time. Much worse came with horrendous floods in Venice when some of the canals became unnavigable. World weather certainly made headlines in 2020 with flooding and raging fires devastating massive areas. The National Trust wildlife report I posted talks about the effects of the weather and climate change and what they’re trying to do to combat as much as they can.

I also see that in January we’d started to hear of Wuhan and to talk about hand washing. A friend’s sister is living in China and she’d got a flight booked to visit in April. Another friend said their lockdown and travel restrictions may be lifted by then. Little did we know.

Looking back at last year’s photos, pre blog, I was surprised I caught the Green Woodpecker in February, photo taken mid morning on the 16th. 

This may be one of the last PP pictures I took (PP = Pre Pandemic) and it’s all the more remarkable because Storm Dennis had hit us.

On the 17th we went shopping for a care package for Ms NW tY who was sick and home alone. Raging fever, cough, felt like she had a chest infection and limbs like lead. Similar to what I had back in November 2019. It took seven months for me to feel tip top again, so who knows what on earth we had - not Covid obviously because the medical experts say it wasn’t over here then. They also said no need to wear face masks and children were impervious...

I’ll just leave those thoughts there.

February Garden Visitors: lots of Pheasants 

Meanwhile we were starting to talk about handwashing - a lot, 20 seconds minimum with soap and hot water. Sing Happy Birthday to You all the way through and keep on washing. Haven’t heard that so much in a while actually.

...and toilet rolls. Any mention of a forthcoming lockdown and panic buying prompts shortages immediately. It was toilet rolls, rice, pasta and flour. I’m sticking with my illustration of handwashing using one of my favourite soaps. Portuguese Soap, hard to beat but prohibitively expensive nowadays. We just looked at that link and whistled, drawing in our breath and sighing. I’m going to be refilling that bottle with something altogether more modest. Of course, so much more choice now for something a bit different, especially closer to home. Kent Soap. I’ve been glad this year that I ask for nice soap as a gift if anyone wants to know what I’d like and we got some for Christmas too, so that’ll keep us going.

White Hyacinths and Freesias for fragrance lifting the bleak days

The pandemic seemed to get worse and we were getting alarmed. I last went into a supermarket early mid March. Since then I’ve only been in National Trust shops, the petrol station and the pharmacy. I first wore a face mask when we took the car for its MOT, also mid March. Staff looked at me as though I was a bank robber. When we went to collect the car later the same day there was a notice on the door ‘Only two customers allowed inside at any one time’ and news was starting to spread...about health precautions, not about me.

Soon MOT tests were suspended and the country was facing a lockdown. Since then we had a time when both of our cars’ batteries died. We’ve SORN (officially declared off road) one - it’s taking us all our time to keep the other ticking over.

March Garden Visitors: hungry Rabbits at the seed trays

I started to write my Blog. At first I just used Google Sheets for seven daily scribblings and then I moved to this platform. Blog Number 1 here with the urls of the first few entries at the end. Little did I know at that stage that I’d be writing every day at least once a day and still going.

As National Lockdown got underway as well as writing we all started walking again and looking at nature and baking - boy did we all embrace baking last year. There must’ve been a country-weight of Sourdough and/or Banana Bread attempted with varying degree of success...lucky Joe Wicks came on board to get everyone up and doing a bit of keep fit, People started working from home, hosted social lives by internet, online quizzes and memes became a thing, a really big Thing. If we were lucky our food shopping was delivered straight to our door, TV cookery shows were full of advice on what you could use if you couldn’t source what you really wanted.

Just as my football team was on course for its first ever Premier League Championship win, the season had to be suspended (13th March) hoping to resume in April. It was a vain hope, but as our manager Jûrgen Klopp said, health and safety is far more important than anything else...we can wait 😉

Sport around the world, like everything else, had to be put on pause.

The situation got worse and every Thursday night at 8pm we went outdoors and clapped for our carers as they battled on trying to get to grips with this new virus and people falling sick in huge numbers. It was a whole new way of life.

To be Continued

--------------

WEATHER NEWS:

Forecasters are warning of possible further chaos, because the same conditions behind the 'Beast from the East' in 2018 - one of the worst storms to hit the UK in living memory - are forming again high up in the atmosphere.  

The 'sudden stratospheric warming' (SSW) event happens when the temperature in the stratosphere soars by 50C (122F). This 'reverses' Britain's wind pattern, from the warmer west out in the Atlantic to the east – and Siberia.

It can take two weeks for the effects of a SSW to be felt. This was the case in February 2018 with the infamous Beast from the East, which saw much of the UK gripped by travel chaos and school closures amid heavy snow. 

^ Not to mention Hospital closures too, which meant my operation was cancelled.

New Year’s Day Read:

The Wildlife Trust Marine Review of 2020

This report is also covered by the Daily Mail which also includes photos, video and information from other regional trusts around the country.

Decoration from the Standen Courtyard Christmas Tree

Once again some absolutely beautiful handiwork, The Tree of Life. What better message for a brand new year.

The Tree of Life symbol represents our personal development, uniqueness and individual beauty. Just as the branches of a tree strengthen and grow upwards to the sky, we too grow stronger, striving for greater knowledge, wisdom and new experiences as we move through life. 

Music for New Year from the Rivertree Singers

a community choral ensemble in Greenville, SC. USA

‘Tomorrow Shall be my Dancing Day’ Let’s hope so.

[anctilbrayen]

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[bforbookslut]

Sasha Alsberg and Lindsay Cummings’ Zenith Is a Space Adventure With a Familiar Story and Tropes

I have given Zenith by Sasha Alsberg and Lindsay Cummings a ☆☆☆ rating. It is Book 1 of The Androma Saga series. It is Young Adult Science Fiction with some Space Opera and Romance. Harlequin Teen publishes it. It will be published January 16, 2018.

The synopsis reads:

Most know Androma Racella as the Bloody Baroness, a powerful mercenary whose reign of terror stretches across the Mirabel Galaxy. To those aboard her glass starship, Marauder, however, she's just Andi, their friend and fearless leader. But when a routine mission goes awry, the Marauder's all-girl crew is tested as they find themselves in a treacherous situation and at the mercy of a sadistic bounty hunter from Andi's past. Meanwhile, across the galaxy, a ruthless ruler waits in the shadows of the planet Xen Ptera, biding her time to exact revenge for the destruction of her people. The pieces of her deadly plan are about to fall into place, unleashing a plot that will tear Mirabel in two. Andi and her crew embark on a dangerous, soul-testing journey that could restore order to their shipor just as easily start a war that will devour worlds. As the Marauder hurtles toward the unknown, and Mirabel hangs in the balance, the only certainty is that in a galaxy run on lies and illusion, no one can be trusted.

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I haven’t been this early for a review in a really long time but I was super excited to read Zenith ever since I received it. I’ve always loved space stories because if I wasn’t a writer, I’d love to be an astronaut. Or marine biologist. Or historian. Maybe librarian. You get the gist, I love to be a lot of things.

But, you’re in for a wild ride with Zenith. You either love it or hate it.

I haven’t written a review this long in a while so bear with me.

As always, my reviews may contain spoilers. I say may because what’s a spoiler to you may not be a spoiler for me.

Oh boy, is this a difficult one for me to review. My review process is this: I finish a book, I sit on it for a few days and then head over to Goodreads to get a refresher. Usually, it’s a good thing because it reminds me of things I want to mention but have forgotten. But with Zenith, it opened a massive can of worms I wish I had never seen.

Initially, Zenith was going to be one of my 4-star rating books. It turns out, I’m the perfect audience for it. I love damaged and fucked-up characters falling in love and I love all the drama. I went into Zenith expecting a soap opera/drama and I got it.

But after reading Goodreads and learning all I can about the background of this book, it’s dropped to a 3-stars. I don’t hate it. Zenith is not a bad book but it’s not good either. Did it blow me away? No. But, hell it was entertaining.

So, this review will be different than normal and split into 2 parts: first impressions and after goodreads.

F I R S T  I M P R E S S I O N S

I have never read a space opera before. I even had to Google what the genre is all about. And I loved what I found. As you probably know, I am a massive fan of Defy the Stars by Claudia Gray and until another mindblowing book comes along, that’s what I recommend whenever anyone asks me. And I expected Zenith to be something similar but more, for lack of a better term, extra.

And I loved it. I couldn’t put it down. It kept me up late at night and my eyes are probably rotten because I keep reading in the dark. I didn’t even realise it was 500 pages (cause my Kindle app doesn’t tell me so). It was dark and it was sensual, the writing clichés which some people might not like, were lyrical and poetic. The imagery spun was stunning.

Plot-wise, Zenith went in a multitude of directions. There’s the Androma, Dex and the Marauders plotline where the former two have to rescue the king’s prisoner son in the treacherous lands of Lord-I-can’t-remember (I’m not good with names here. I can’t even name you anything in Maas’s books because I never remember), but basically, they’re the bad guys. And then there’s the flashbacks (??!!) which are confusing but I just rolled with it. And then, there’s the evil queen of the bad lands who isn’t all that bad (or at least that’s what they want us to think) who wants revenge on the entire solar system for fucking up her kingdom and her parents’ lives and her life.

The Androma, Dex and Marauders line is resolved and then some. But the others just leave big question marks hanging in the air. But then again, Order of the Firsts, guys. It’s always like this because publishers want you coming back for more cause all they care about is the money.

Plus, they are all told in different POVs which can get confusing but it wasn’t a hard switch. It’s such a way of writing in YA that I’m used to it. I wish we could still get by on one voice only. I miss those damned days.

But to me, the characters make a story and I loved the Bloody Baroness. She’s dramatic and always very weepy and conflicted but oh, she’s so attracted to Dex. Let it just be clear that she’s very much like a copy of Celaena/Aelin but without the latter’s depth. She’s got death following her and her crew of pirates wherever they go and she’s torn up about it. Some people have an issue with the fact that she’s called something so vicious but is just a kicked puppy. But come on, this is a trope we’ve all seen before. Move along, shall we?

But, I did find it a little strange that although she hates killing, she kills everyone left, right and center in the name of protecting herself and her crew. Plus, she’s a fugitive.

Really weird and conflicting but at this point, I’m still rolling with it.

Dex is an arrogant prick. And while it’s my favourite trope when it comes to YA heroes, they usually come with some redeeming qualities. Dex has none. In fact, I’d say that I didn’t like Dex at all. He’s the perfect example of how not to write a YA hero.

And, the romance between Androma and Dex seemed incredibly forced. No chemistry. Just loads of trying-really-hard-to-create-UST.

The rest of the characters in Zenith sort of fade into the background. There are the Marauders which are very Six of Crows-esque, and the evil queen, Nor and there’s Valen, the prince they’re supposed to rescue. And a robot named Alfie that reminds me of Defy the Stars.

While Zenith attempts to fashion a unique space world, it feels too much like Guardians of the Galaxy and that bothered me about the worldbuilding. It didn’t feel utterly unique (unlike Defy the Stars. You can’t stop my love) and the entire time, all I could imagine was Peter Quill’s ship flying across the Guardians of the Galaxy space ala the movies. While there are references to unique “alien” features for example, in the pilot, Lira who has scaly skin that can heat until it burns her clothes off and it’s controlled by her emotions, nothing is taken a step further and explained.

And space opera and science-fiction are known for being detail-oriented.

But I still loved it. In all it’s campy, trying really hard glory. I thought it was a great first attempt and couldn’t wait for me.

A F T E R  G O O D R E A D S

And then, I looked at Goodreads.

I was confused by all the awful ratings. And it spiralled from there.

It turns out Sasha Alsberg is a notoriously famous booktuber (I wouldn’t know. I don’t booktube) and people are concerned that this book being published is because of her connections to the higher ups.

But more than that, the editor tied to Zenith is notorious for having published The Black Witch. Which is a plague on the YA community. I don’t understand how….how could anyone have let that racist crap slide.

And it was only after this that I realised what I had thought to be extra, dramatic and campy writing ala soap opera style was just bad writing. In fact, one reason why I loved the writing so much was because it’s the same time of exaggerated and flowery writing that fanfiction writers love (and readers like me eat it up).

Plus, it tried too hard to replicate the success of Throne of Glass and Six of Crows, perhaps in the hope of becoming the next big thing. It’s basically fanfiction set in space, guys. While I am the type of market this book is targeted towards, meaning that I love my tropes, it’s just laughable. There are tons of books out there like TOG and SOC but they’re all unique in their own way. I’ve even managed to reference Defy the Stars more than once!

Not to mention, Androma has red.hair. Who else has fiery red hair? You tell me. Hint, I’ve mentioned the name several times in this review. Not a fan of self-inserts.

Also, I am not a fan of celebrity books and have yet to purchase/read one. While other writers struggle and work their butts off to even get noticed, celebrities get special treatment because they already have a fan base in place.

While I am still looking forward to see where both authors are going to take Zenith, I wait with all these thoughts in my mind. In film classes, we are taught that the author is not separate from his work (and I did a lovely paper on Alfred Hitchcock which I loved) and it’s true in this case.

I’m afraid that Sasha’s reputation has coloured not just my opinion, but the opinion of many other readers out there.

While Zenith is not bad, it’s not great either. I can’t shout about it from the rooftops. For one, it reads too much like fanfiction (and we all know the kind of fanfiction turn book that has hit the market these days) and secondly, it needs a shitload more work before it’s public-worthy. Zenith has great potential. It just needs a lot more polishing, preferably throwing the entire draft away and writing it fresh. And perhaps, Sasha should consider a pen name.

Thank you to Edelweiss and the publisher for providing me with an ARC copy in exchange for an honest review. This review edition may differ from the final edition.