#so if i dont reply its just bc i have nothing to say or didnt get around to it yet

[sereniv]

i am so fucking sick of the antisimetism coming out of this

god i have so much to say i just cant

zionists dont touch

[nomairuins]

i unlocked a new voice earlier btw but i cant do it that much bc it requires me to be nervously laughing and breathing very heavily and it had me gasping for breath for like 30 minutes

[bonbongiveshell]

The mystery anon from yesterday is back one more time, because I had sent you a third message that you never responded back to. Could I ask why? Or had you not received it?

I just didn't have anything else to say on the matter, really

[thatdeadaquarius]

I found one of your sagau posts about language and got me thinking xD

Reader who knows a lot of languages which gets people confused. Are they speaking in their godly language? Are they really that mad that they switched to another language? Why are they smirking like that--- (Aether/Lumine who understood everything trying so hard not to laugh at people's reactions)

Why did I imagine that after a flowery speech Reader delivers a response so blunt the vine boom sfx can be heard---

Reader trying out flowery speech and failing, while the rest of the people in the background are either A.) Trying to convince you that its alright to talk simply (oh now you turn the tables--) or B.) Some of them fainting in devotion/cuteness because their god looks at them so eagerly for feedback

I heard somewhere that Mondstadt is based on Germany and another post about Snezhnaya (bruh whats the spelling 🤣💀) based on Russia, so I thought that while they speak english they also throw in a couple words of their respective language (or in some drunk cases, full out native language). Cue reader just.... 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♀️

Bilingual reader who uses full advantage of their knowledge into making puns and jokes to Cyno----

WE CAUGHT ANOTHER ONE BOYS

YES YES THE PSPSPSPSS NEVER FAILSSS🛐🛐🛐

(subliminalmessagingpspspspsscometomeaskscomepspspspspssubliminalmessaging)

___________

DUDE ive thought abt just making it where Aether/Lumine are the only ones who understand English/ur language and like, while u can (or maybe cant for shenanigans) speak Teyvatian (ew theres gotta be a better word for that?) Theres NOTHING as amazing as the bilingual experience of pranking bitches

Eula gives like a whole poetry book of a speech to you guys to be more responsible abt gliding in the city (its cute <3 shes actually very concerned bc you know you would do sm that would worry her, i mean i know im just flinging myself off of every surface all the time, esp in Mondstadt im not using no stairs💀)

And you just... turn to Aether/Lumine and say smth in English and they bust out laughing

(Or worse, u two are giggling like little shits✨️)

Dont feel too bad Eula, they do this to everyone

(Paimon's constantly on ya'lls case abt it)

Like u didnt even say anything rude (probably), as u explained to Eula, but its like this all the time, sm ppl even find themsleves jealous of this bond you two have got, tho whether they are jealous of Aether/Lumine or you is still still hard to tell,,)

♧

IM SO GLAD ONE PERSON OUT THERE GOT THE FLOWERY SPEECH -> YOU REPLY -> VINE BOOM 🤝🤝🤝 THING I WAS TRYING TO CONVEY

Thats deadass like how i imagine half the time it would be like talking to ppl, esp if ur critizing smth that person was doing lmao (like roasting them)

Its even funnier if like, u didnt hear the vine boom so to speak, like u got ur back to the rest of the characters/npcs while ur talking to this one person and u dont even know u just said smth that's got like one person crying laughing

(KAEYA, aether/lumine, hu tao, KAVEH, Venti, childe, Yae Miko, SCARAMOUCHE/WANDERER, beidou, off the top of my head)

♡

Another one is just standing there in shock, when will they unfreeze? Only time can tell

(Zhongli, jean, eula, keqing, ayaka, ganyu, kuki shinobu, once again off the top of my head theres so many characters at this point in genshin help)

♡

They're just like,, processing still, theyre probably overthinking everything u say bc to them you give so little information 💀 i can see the like transparent images of their thinking faces floating around them now LMAO

(Alhaitham, zhongli again rip, DILUC, kaeya's also laughing at him not just you his stomach hurts help him, Ei, XIAO, ALBEDO, Ayato but he'd also be muffling a laugh, Kazuha maybe i can also see him just giggling n shit, Kokomi, CYNO, Tighnari but also he'll react like its the funniest joke ever while he's trying to actually think abt it, so he just ends up standing there, thinking outloud, then cracking up over and over again lol)

♤

Oh Cyno u sweet summer child, as soon as u started making puns it was over for him, no one can stop you, even if Tighnari can't understand ur language rn he can definitely just sense there's bad jokes being made, esp if Cyno gets it and his lip like, twitches upward or even worse, he chuckles.

(Tighnari's totally getting onto him for corrupting you)

☆

pLEASE US ACTUALLY TRYING TO SPEAK LIKE THEM 😭😭😭

What a cute image, just some of them reassuring us and some of them thinking its cute for trying, and we look around the room when we try for feedback i know i would 😭😭

If i actually got close tho they better give me a headpat or smth

___________

Anyway THANK YOU for the ask!! (subliminalmessingpspspspspscometomeaskscomepspsps)

That was a BEAUTIFUL✨️ thing to read, got my heart doin backflips and shit 😳😊🥰

God this is so long im so sorry everyone

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

[jubiilee13]

hi babes I saw you begging for requests for mike schmidt so I decided to send my own request to you… as cliche as it is, could you write an angsty misunderstanding fic where basically mike is over-working himself to death and barely making time for you and you think you did something wrong but it turns out mike was just tired af. It can be smut or fluff since I don’t know what you really like to write. Sorry if this request is bad I’m not good at asking for things😭😭

-anon

anon ily ty for the request 😻😻

this may be a lil bad bc I’m sick rn but I hope u still enjoy 🫶

warnings: tiny mention of blood, angst, angy mike, sad reader, alludes to a little smut at the end but yeah

lets just say for this abby is at a um... sleepover or smth idk i forgot to include her

didnt check this for grammatical errors so my bad if it sucks lmao

—

you and mike didn’t fight often

i mean you never really had reason to

but lately mike had been weird, he had been… distant.

mike often had his rough days, as did you, but this time was different.

every morning when he returned home instead of his usual warm embraces, you’d been receiving the cold shoulder, at most a few sentences spoken between the two of you before he dragged himself off to bed.

you were worried to say the least, you knew you had done nothing wrong, yet something in your gut made you wonder if you did.

so you decided today was the day you were going to talk to him about it.

boy was that a bad idea...

the moment mike stepped out of his bedroom he spotted you, anxiously fidgeting as your eyes met his own

"we need to talk mike" you mumble, clearly not looking forward to having this conversation.

mike rolls his eyes, "what y/n" he replies, attitude evident in his tone, yet the attitude is weak, and you note his face is just a bit paler than usual, the bags under his eyes more evident, something was off.

"whats been going on with us mike?" you ask, voice trembling "did... did i do something? you- you've been so distant..."

"its nothing y/n, stop worrying" he says with a scoff, and you bite your lip.

"mike you dont have to lie to me" you say softly, extending your hand out to him to soothe him.

Then something inside him snaps, that movement- that feeling. he couldnt take it.

"God damn it y/n i said nothing is wrong! you never listen! just leave me alone! you clearly only make things worse!" he cries out, and your body freezes.

"o-oh" is all you can say, retracting your trembling hand, clearly in shock

"o-okay um... um i-i'll leave you be..." you mumble under your breath, trying to hide your emotions until you were out of his sight.

you scurry away, biting your lip so hard it draws blood, and the moment you enter your bedroom the tears escape.

you shut the door behind you, leaning against it and sliding to your knees, hand reaching to cover your mouth to hide the sobs.

what had you done?

did you upset him?

is he gonna leave?

so many questions flooded your mind all at once

it was so overwhelming, all you wanted was him... but right now that was the one thing you couldnt have.

so you sat there, leaning against the door of your room for god knows how long.

eventually when no more tears could fall, you lead yourself to your bed, a bed that had been untouched for a few months now due to you always sleeping with mike, and after a few more shaky breaths, you slipped into a uneasy slumber.

As you slept, mike took himself for a drive, his hands gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles faded to white.

he was angry

he was tired

he just wanted to be home

it slowly started to dawn on him that upon his arrival home earlier, his anger had been misdirected.

he wasnt mad at you

he loved you

god- you just wanted to help

why couldnt he see that?

he lets out a shaky sigh, punching his steering wheel as he lets out a few grunts of anger (much to the dismay of the car infront of him)

he decides to leave you be for the time being, and he leads him self on down the winding road, until he comes across an empty parking lot.

he lets himself settle there for a while, staring into the dark abyss in front of him.

eventually he decides to call you, and when you dont pick up... he calls again.

and again.

and... again....

and 12 more times.

he was worried to say the least, what if you left him? what. if you didnt love him anymore?

after the final call he places his phone in his pocket, running a hand through his hair as he starts up the car again and heads home.

in the meantime you were at home, tossing and turning, unable to find a true sense of saftey in your own sheets and god was it horrible.

you didnt notice the buzzing of your phone, nor the vibration any time left another voicemaiil.

so you lay on your back, your teary eyes staring up at the ceiling.

thats when you heard the front door open, the jingling of mikes house keys alongside his work ones

maybe he didnt leave

did he come back for you?

maybe he-

your thoughts are interrupted however by a gentle, almost silent knock at your door. you want to open it, you really do, but you're scared.

for once you put aside your fear and you sit up, quietly tiptoeing over to the door and cracking it open just enough to meet mikes eyes.

both of your teary eyes meet one another, and something snaps within both of you

your grip on the handle goes slack as mike gently pushes further on the door, and the moment it opens enough for him to enter, youre surrounded by him

he kisses you gently, his hands wrapping around you, and you two hold the kiss until you eventually pull away to gasp for air

"im so sorry- i never meant to snap at you baby- i-i- im just so exhausted- work is so hard- i-i never meant to take it out on you- i love you so muc y/n- i"

you cut him off by kissing him again, this kiss growing more heated, your body pressing against his

"its ok" you whisper when you pull away, your foreheads resting against one another

"we'll be ok" you whisper

those 3 words are repeated for the rest of the night, along with other words of praise and affirmation.

the two of you love each other, and tonight it shows.

just as youre about to fall into a warm, peaceful sleep, mike presses a kiss against your damp forehead.

"i love you"

that was all you needed to hear in order to slip into slumber in his embrace.

--

yayayayya mike

i hope that was good

ok ily

bye pookster

[oscpaistry]

can u write shy reader having her first time with virgil? like he’s all soft and always making sure she’s okay and she wants to do it? please 💓💓

Im so happy someone finally requested a Virgil smut/fic!

Your relationship was fresh, not having alot of intimate interactions together. You were sitting on Virgil's lap and kissing him slow, but deep. Moaning into each others mouth's. You grind on Virgil. You wanted to do it. Go full on and have sex with him. That would be the first time. Except from the times he ate you out or fingerd you. But today was the day.

His hands find your hips and gently rock them back and forth. You stop and look into his beautiful eyes.

"Virgil..." You said and sighed. Trying to build up the confidence to say it.

"Whats wrong? Did i do something wrong? Im sorry." He said while you laughed at his reply.

"No you did nothing wrong! I, i want to do ride you. Tonight." You whispered almost to yourself. He didnt answer. You look up and see a smile on his face and his eyes wide open. But still a soft spot in his face.

"Are you sure? Are you ready? Not to boost my ego but im really big. I dont know if you could handle it." He said while he felt himself getting harder thinking about you riding him.

"If we are slow, i can handle it." You said while cupping his face and give him a tender kiss on the lips, his hands tugging on the hem on your shirt.

"May i?" He said while breaking the kiss. You nod and he took off your shirt. You sat shirtless on his lap. You always felt insecure with your other boyfriends, but with Virgil. He made you feel special and loved. He always cared about your feelings and made you feel like a princess.

"Gorgeous girl, what a pretty girl." He praised you and you felt yourself heating up. You smiled and hid your face in your palm if your hands.

"Dont hide your pretty little face, i want to see your flustered face." Virgil said while taking your hands into his hands. You smiled and removed yourself from his lap. You asked him to remove his sweater and pants. He sat there in his boxers. While he looked at you, you began to kiss his chest, then his abs and then just above his waistband. You look up and asked him to remove his boxers. His dick sprung out and slapped against his stomach. He let out a low groan.

You took off your panties, Virgil's stare burning into your body. You went back onto his lap.

"Are you sure you want to do this? Are you okay with this?" He asked in a worried tone. You really dont deserve such a kind man. You nod at him and grab his shaft and stroke it for a few seconds.

Then you line yourself up with his shaft and slowly go down. His hands finding you hips and grabbing them as if you were going to break in half if he let go. You stoped for a few seconds and let a few breathy moans out. He asked if you were okay and u just nod. You slowly go down, now having him fully buried into you.

He started to rock your hips back and forth. You obeyed and rocked with him. He let go. Groaning and praising you.

"Am i doing this right?" You asked with a insecure tone in your voice.

"Mhm, just like that baby. You're doing amazing." He replied and started to squeeze your thighs. You started to go faster. Your hands on his chest. Then he grabbed one of you tit and started to squeeze it lightly.

"Jezus, alsjeblieft." He moaned. His beautiful dutch sending you to the edge. But still able to go on for a little while. ( Jezus, please.)

You felt his cock twitch inside of you. His eye were locked on your pleasured face.

"Does my good girl like it?" He asked.

"I love it daddy" you moaned out.

That one word was enough for Virgil to buck his hips into you take over. The room filling up with pornographic moans and skin slapping sounds. His feet digging into the mattress and his hands on your ass. He went a little bit more rougher but still gentle. Not wanting to hurt you.

"Call me daddy on more time and ill cum inside of you." He groaned out. Your back arching and your boobs in his face. He started to suck in your nipple. Biting on them gently.

"Daddy, please. Im gonna cum." You moaned out and let go. That was it for Virgil. He let out a loud moan, eyes glued shut, head lulled back and toes curled. You felt his seed deep inside of you. Both of your cum mixing together as Virgil slowed his actions.

He finally stopped and let you rest on his body. He felt your thighs trembling and started to get worried.

"Was that good? Was i too rough? Im sorry." He asked and rubbed your back.

"It was amazing. I loved it. I even loved it more when you started to get rough." You replied with a few shallow breaths. You finally got your strength back and lifted yourself up to see Virgil's face.

You pecked a kiss on his lips.

"Lets get cleaned up, were a mess." He giggled. He picked you up in a bridal position and took you up to the bathroom.

"You can let go, baby. I can stand." You reassured him. He let you go and let his hands go to your hips. Seeing if you really could stand on your own.

He let go and let the bathtub fill up with warm water. He took a face cloth and two towels.

When the bathtub was full he took your hand and both of you went into the bathtub. He sat behind you and took the face cloth. He dipped it into the water and went to your sensitive core. You started to gently clean you. You let out a few gasps but then relaxed against his body. You slowly closed you eyes and fell asleep.

Im gonna leave it there bcs im tired. Its 2:41 am🤭. I got some help of a very special person! Thank you!🫶🏼

[utterdrip]

if it helps. i am also in the “astarion falls for high approval tav sometime around his little treat scene even if he’s not entirely sure what this fondness is quite yet” camp with u at least. people in the astarion tag scare me too much to ever say this on main though. that blorbo take seems to be catnip for people rolling into the replies to say he’d never fall during act 1 even though it’s true of every other companion including lae’zel and minthara, yet no one says anything about them 🤔

HELLO FRIEND 🤝🤝🤝

and welcome yes i used to be firmly in that camp as well!! and honestly mainly because i kept reading Those opinions about him before i really was able to,, mmm commit these hours of playtime myself and sorta experiencing all the different ways this game can play out because like

so i try to see all dialogue trees and even if i do the same things in my playthroughs i will do them in a different order and the game is so different every time, right? what im saying is i had that opinion before i spent all this time exploring early game relationship with him myself,,, does that make sense

BUT YES FRIENDO ! i am glad u were able to share with me at least and tbh i have a video idea for this to Spread My Truth (astarion cares more for the player character in early game more than he himself realizes and many players realize Agenda)

i think people get stuck on “didn’t care for you when we first met” but think that acts i & ii are… short? when they’re not?¿ it also feels weird bc his act ii confession scene, both ways (post araj or orthon) he admits that he initially didnt like the player character but then He Does and its like

sorry this is rambling but i really do not get it friendo like he plainly says “i seduced u bc it was easy but now i feel like an idiot because i have real feelings for you” and ppl are like “astarion doesnt even care abt pc until act iii let alone love them”

are we playing the same game are we romancing the same dude

EDIT: OBVIOUSLY EVERYTHING IS ALL UP FOR INTERPRETATION BUT IM JUST SAYING A lot OF OPINIONS ON HERE ARE LINE OBVIOUSLY I AM RIGHT ASTARION FEELS NOTHING EVER FOR PC UNTIL AFTER CAZADOR AND I THINK THERE IS MORE NUANCE

WHATEVER I DONT HAVE TO DEFEND MYSELF IM HERE TO SPREAD MY “astarion is stupid in love with the player by the end of act i early act ii” AGENDA

[bug-bites]

whatcha lookin at buddy? :3

tw: none!! just some silly fluffy romantic hcs, also not edited bc im just an eepy lil guy

pairing: rodolfo "rudy" parra x gn!reader

summary: uhhh your boyfriend shares his silly little late night habit with you or something

characters: rodolfo "rudy" parra

notes: i never know what to title these things also i know the formatting is ugly!! i wrote this in my notes app and was too lazy to make it look decent,, <(＿　＿)>

rudy never was one to sleep early, in all honesty he seemed to do the complete opposite. he would always go to bed hours later after you. you never understood why.

it wasn't anything that made you suspicious, he wouldnt go far, most of the time he would still be at home, just outside. it was just odd, but it didnt seem like anything bad?

one night you woke up and there was an unfamiliar emptiness beside you, rudy wasnt there next to you like he was right before you fell asleep

its the middle of the night what else would this guy be doing at 2am??

so you're panicking a bit, you wake up and your boyfriend isnt next to you. sure maybe hes just pissing but you're tired and logic isnt the first thing that comes to mind

you call out for him, your throat a bit dry after you've just woken up and it comes out a bit more panicked than you intended

you sit up, eyes scanning the room looking for him- any sign of him

a sigh of relief leaves your lips, he's there. he's in your bedroom, back turned to you as he gazes upwards, out the window.

as soon as he hears his name his head whips around, why are you panicking?? whats going on?? did something happen? did you have a nightmare? most importantly, are you okay?

but he hears your sigh and you mumble something under your breath. he closes the curtains and walks towards you, gently cupping your cheek

"qué pasa?" "sorry i just- you weren't next to me and i just panicked" "nothing to be sorry for."

his voice is soft, barely above a whisper. he runs his thumb along your cheekbone, holding your cheek so tenderly it feels like you're about to melt

"it's okay. im right here."

"what were you doing?" you ask him, its about damn time he tells you anyways and you're getting curious about his strange nighttime habit "you'll find out tomorrow. its better if its a surprise." he kisses your forehead and climbs back into bed with you. "what if i dont want it to be a surprise?" "well thats not up to you. now go to sleep, cariño"

one his arms snake around your waist, the other making its way under your head, like a pillow but better

the next night, as soon as it gets dark he finally lets you in on his not so secret secret.

he grabs your hand, your fingers intertwining with his and leads you outside to a picnic blanket

"its a bit late for a picnic." you say with a yawn

he rolls his eyes as he walks over to the blanket, lying down flat on his back. you do the same, curious to what his next move was.

"stop looking at me and look up" he says with a chuckle

you listen to him and look up, hundreds of stars scattered in the distant sky. its calm, the sounds of the crickets chirping, his hand in yours, your back flat against the picnic blanket, its so serene you almost forget to breathe

"i used to do this all the time when i was younger." rudy says, breaking the silence "i would set up a mat outside and me and alejandro would lie there for hours until my mamá would yell at us to come back inside"

you look over at him, just for a second and catch him smiling as he reminisces

"i like to look at the stars when i get overwhelmed. reminds me i how small i am in the universe" "thats a bit melancholic, dont you think? the idea that we're so much smaller than the universe. like we dont matter as much as we think" you say, "i dont think of it like that. its like the world is bigger than my problems, it continues and theres so much more than just my troubles." he replies, eyes fixated on the stars "well when you put it that way, it sounds pretty nice"

the next few minutes are spent with rudy teaching you some basic constellations like the big and small dipper and then moves onto the more complex ones like ursa minor, andromeda and orion.

each constellation he points out comes with a story, as great as they look you cant help but watch him as he tells you all about them. its something he loves so deeply, you can tell from the way the corners of his mouth turn upwards as he describes them to you, the look of amazement in his eyes even though he's seen the stars hundreds of times. you cant help but fall more for him with every word he says

"i wish we met earlier. before when i was younger you could see so much more than just ...this. i wish i could've shown it to you" his tone becomes slightly bittersweet.

you don't exactly know what to say, you just wrap an arm around his torso, you mutter a soft "i know" right before you press a kiss to his cheek

the next time you two go stargazing its when you go camping together, although sure its not just in your backyard its as close as you can get with just enough clarity in the sky to see everything rudy wanted to show you :]

taglist: @pygm4li0n

[cherienymphe]

i was the og anon who said “dont be a white boys first black gf” examples on why it was awful :

~ didnt give me a warning that his parents were extremely predjudice - just was always like

“idk just dont like get offended if they say something off hand” SAYING THIS WHILE WE WERE ON THE WAY TO MEET THEM. like do not ever put a black girl in an unsafe space oh my gods

they came across as “civil” but once they found out i was actually african coming from immigrant family the back handedness got worse

~ had a blackout post on his insta HAHAHAHAHAH

~ dont get me started on rap music. never said the word around me and i was confident he didnt, then his friend sent me a snap of him saying it when he was his buddies and like laughed (his friend was a real one omg)

~ always asked why i was wearing a bonnet when id send him like a random selfie or go on facetime while i was at home and i was like nigga im at home ?

way more but im tired, but i hope this helps the other anons replying to my ask. it truly was like a weird time and i appreciated his non racist friends who had my back, nothing kkk but its the south so i wouldnt put it behind them HAHAHAH

Yeah all of this sounds about right. Especially that first one. Idk what it is with white people and putting their partners of color in legitimate harmful situations like being on the receiving end of RACISM. If you have no intention of nipping that in the bud once you start dating that person before bringing them around then what even is the point

I lowkey wanna tell you to homie hop but the homie was kekeing with them when they said it or at the very least didn't speak up so 🤷🏾‍♀️

Ngl the bonnet one is craaazy but maybe I'm just used to white men who have some understanding of black culture or parts of it. Him not knowing what a bonnet is lowkey gives me the ick bc it's 2023 my guy 😭

[crystalis]

I'm sorry to hear about the end of a long friendship and it seems a uncharacteristically unpleasant way youve been cut off, but you cannot just ghost people for months on end and expect them to just take it. I see so many people on here talk about ghosting and not replying cus theyre introverted or wateever and it just ruins all their friendships forever :( people will always take it as a sign you dont care even if its not your intention.

i know

its not like we were talking all day every day and then i left him on read, we were already growing kinda distant and talking less frequently and it was getting harder to relate to eachother bc im so behind and we couldnt talk on tumblr anymore which is where we did for years so i was using snapchat to talk to him which i dont use at all. i dont knkw how to fucking snap i was just looking at snaps he would send me and reply to them how i could and i felt like nothing i said mattered and then i didnt open his snap messagss for a few months. yeah it was shitty and i shouldnt have done it i shouldnt have been so stuck in my own head and insecurities. i justified it at the time because i was like "he has lots of other friends and a girlfriend and he does stuff all the time its not like he's crying in a corner waiting for me to message him back, i dont matter anyway i have nothing to say and im stupid etc" you know stupid baby insecure shit. we were best friends for like 7 years and he was the only person i talked to i literally talked to no one inbthat time except my mom. and i apologized to him and explained my self and i know it was stupid and hurtful and he told me to Get fucked (i think idk how snapchat fucking works because i dont use it i lkterally downloaded it just to talk to him but thats what the notif said and then there was nothing when i clicked it)

im sorry but i dont like how youve sent me this like im stupid, idk if that was your intention or if im reading wrong but it just feels insulting or like trying to teach me a lesson and its not helpful advice or wisdom or whatever it just feels bad

[ladysophiebeckett]

need to talk all of you about this amazing movie i watched after watching a couple of duds (sometimes we have to watch duds to find gold)--

and you think 'oh its another hallmark movie'--no. as u can see it's 'reel one entertainment'. dont confuse them. (its like the same thing)

anyway--'the marry me pact', starring Rejected Property Brother #19203 (i assume they have more of them in canada) and Brunette American Carey Mulligan--brings the drama in this 'my best friends wedding' rip off.

opens with rory (rejected property brother) on his 29th birthday reminding 'charlotte' of the pact they made at 21--(bc some girl dumped him) that if he wasn't married by 30 he could marry his best friend charlotte (american carey mulligan). and rory wants to cash in bc this is his face when charlotte says 'yeah but u weren't serious right?'

he was charlotte. he was.

so then she buys him a plane ticket out of miami to like, south america or something. as a present.

then its a year later.

charlotte visits a psychic for research purposes (she's a writer). the psychic tells her 'hey girl there's a man in ur life and also a pact to marry him'. she got all that fm tarot cards. but at no point does she actually do any book research. its over. now the idea of getting a man is in her head.

and boy does it. bc then at the end of the day shes like 'what if rory is the love of my life???' uh u didnt even want him a year ago....

psychic tells her one thing and she's all in.

then rory calls her and is like 'im back in miami' and says 'i have some things i need to tell you'

so they're at dinner (it's pizza at her sister's restaurant. bc a man wrote this so they just eat pizza its their favorite food blah blah blah) and he's like 'yeah i want to settle down. i started to envision that for myself', she's like---

thinking he's gonna say its her. out of nowhere.

but then rory says 'i met rachel!'

charlotte:

then rory's like 'oh yeah we're engaged. and getting married in 3 weeks. and also can u be my best man? and on top of that, can u help me plan my wedding, bc im absolutely useless'.

charlotte: uhh

rory: you're gonna love her. she's a nerd like you. she loves food, like you. she loves the green witch fm that musical, like you. in fact, why dont you meet her right now?

yes, why dont we.

this is charlotte and rachel hugging:

this is rachel in case you're confused.

and this all three of them having wine in his kitchen--

that's right. rory went to south america and found the first american brunette that looked like charlotte and called it a day.

this man is sick.

then charlotte's like 'damn it looks like u couldnt get rory to have better taste in art' and rory's like 'uhh that's one of rachel's paintings' and then rachel spills wine on charlotte. but it was an accident.

im not kidding that really happens and i laughed.

moving on to another hilarious moment--charlotte's finally checking her fan mail that's been sitting in her organized office for 6 months--and what does she see? a postcard rory wrote her from chile declaring his love for her and he says in it 'you dont have to reply and nothing will change between us if you dont feel the same way'

charlotte reading this like--

and what does she do after this? nothing. she just mopes. like a loser.

then later, somehow in a big city like miami, they all run into each other---

the woman in blue is charlotte's pizza sister, she has a boring ass romantic subplot of her own but it doesn't matter.

the script makes it a point to tell us that rory and charlotte love bookstores bc they 'make them feel safe' while rachel the fiancée complains that she likes hitchcock movies but rory falls asleep during them.

rachel is such a loser for liking 'psycho' meanwhile im pretty sure rory's lying about knowing how to read.

anyway he has the audacity to complain that charlotte hasn't been helping him plan his wedding to another woman, literally in front of her (rachel). bc apparently charlotte's been blowing him off. gee, i wonder why.

then he tricks her into going to find a tux and then he tricks her into trying out a wedding dress with the excuse of 'i just want to make sure i look good standing next to rachel in her dress'

we dont even know what rachel's wearing. but sure.

anyway, this little freak got what he wanted.

then charlotte's like 'can u get my shoe off, its stuck in the dress' idk how that even happens but whatever--

then that little freak got what she wanted. ect ect.

of course we get a scene of his brother saying 'hey we always thought you would marry rory lol' and then charlotte leaves immediately.

then we meet the psychic again who says she got a vision of a woman in a wedding dress leaving a wedding. and we think 'oh is she gonna run out on rory?' but the psychic says, what i think is a great line, 'my child, i dont get visions of the future. i get visions of the past'

charlotte and anyone watching this: what?

psychic: i dont make the rules.

this is the worst psychic in miami. she'll give you the lottery's numbers but it'll be the winning numbers fm like, a year ago.

so then its like 10 days before the wedding and we're doing cake testing with rory, rachel and his best friend charlotte.

rachel when charlotte shows up:

rachel (in private), is like ' wtf is she doing here??'

rory: shes helping us out.

rachel: i thought this was something we could decide together??

rory: i could tell her to go...she does find this all tedious..

rachel: no..i dont want to make things uncomfortable

rory: i think u should be happy someone like her is helping me tho bc im so stupid :\

rachel: yeah ur right :\

personally i think rory is getting away with too much.

so theyre tasting cakes but rory and rachel dont agree and ask charlotte and of course charlotte like's rory's choice, which leads to another hilarious moment--

rachel: well what do you know about wedding cake?

charlotte: i know you never ate your first one

and then rachel almost chokes on her own spit.

fast forward--rory's like 'what was that about?' and charlotte's like 'uh nothing'.

rory: do you mind cutting rachel some slack? its important to me that you two get along.

charlotte: i promise.

so now rory has two women apologizing to him for fuck ups he initiated.

let me remind you that a man wrote this.

then charlotte has to apologize to rachel and takes her to a Hitchcock retrospective. rachel's tells us about her failed engagement that happened 'years ago'. but then charlotte stalks down the ex fiancé and finds out rachel left him a year ago. not 'years ago'.

and if you think that's gonna come up later or be resolved--you're wrong.

then charlotte had to help rory find the location of his wedding and we find out that he hasnt written his vows.

rory: u know im terrible at writing. you'll help me right?

like,,,is there anything rory's good at? i dont think so.

now im fastforwarding filler scenes to get to the bachelor weekend--

the boys and charlotte go on some partnered up seeing sight hike and rory's sprains his ankle in his attempt at trying to win...something.

later that night, charlotte and rory have a talk.

rory: im sorry about the hike. i rushed into it--

charlotte: like you do everything--

rory: what does that mean??

charlotte: you rush into everything--today, the south america trip, this wedding--

rory: you supported me doing that trip--u basically bullied me into doing it--

(she did no such thing)

rory: u dont like rachel. that's the problem.

charlotte: that is not true. i dont think u should be declaring that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with someone u dont even know.

rory: why are you telling me this now? my wedding is next week.

charlotte: exactly! i dont want you making some huge mistake! maybe you need more time to decide if this is something you really want--

rory: i do want this

charlotte: does she?

rory: what are you talking about?

and then charlotte spills about rachel's runaway bride incident and shes like 'does that sound like someone who knows what she wants??'rory's like 'you went behind my back'. which is not true imo.

rory: i would have thought you had more faith in me, as my best friend.

charlotte: your best friend? you barely contacted me while you were away.

rory: i contacted you. i wrote to you. i told you i had feelings for you. that i had feelings for you for years. you ignored it.

charlotte: i never got the post card. not until recently.

rory:

charlotte: it's too late now anyway

rory, grasping at straws: i mean...do u feel the same??

charlotte: it doesnt matter now does it?

rory, still grasping at straws: doesn't it??

and then charlotte says what i think is the best line in this whole movie---

charlotte: no because you left the fate of our relationship to the postal service!

(i just want to say that it is no way the post office's fault. that fan mail bag was in her office long before that. so the USPS delivered. she just just never bothered to read her fanmail. USPS is a great service and we should continue to support it. thank you. )

rory, seeing that he's not gonna his shot with charlotte: so why are you bringing this up to me now? we had all of our 20's for you to tell me how you felt. now im engaged and im happy and you want to dredge all this up---

( he's the one who brought up the postcard!!! he also could have said something in his 20's!!!! )

Charlotte: all of this has been really hard for me

rory: so what do u want me to do? not get married? have you and i try and figure out whats going on?

(that's literally what he wants. he's still hanging on for hope)

charlotte: I can't tell you what to do.

rory: you know what? this is so selfish of you. i cant believe that you chose this moment to do this.

charlotte's face rn:

girl ur being gaslight !! get out!!!

rory: i would have expected a lot more fm my best friend. i think u should leave and i think its best you dont come to the wedding.

he's literally the worst. he didn't get his declaration of love and he's like 'okay get out. ur uninvited to the wedding i made you help me plan'

anyway shes back to moping when really she should have booked a flight out of miami to get away fm him.

she gets flowers and she thinks its fm him--

WRONG! its her agent telling her to get her ass up and get to work!!

and she's really happy about it. she's like 'i love work. work is never gonna uninvite me to its wedding or gaslight me or make me plan a wedding'.

then rory and rachel have a pizza dinner night before their wedding and they realize they dont dont know anything about each other and when rachel tells him to ask her anything, he has nothing to ask her.

yeah because he doesnt care about you rachel. ur were a charlotte replacement. wake up.

also this card is fm target. i know bc i have this same stack in my drawer.

its the wedding day and rachel's missing (the escalade broke down) and rory's panicking but he makes his brother call her. this man is useless. he has everyone else doing thing for him. can someone kill him?

so charlotte sees rachel running through the park and she's like 'i'll help u get to wedding on this scooter and i promise it wont look gay'

that promise was broken.

so rory and rachel make it down the aisle and they almost do get married until rory has his flashback thinking about charlotte and then at the same time rory and rachel stop the wedding. but instead of rory being a man and being the one to say 'i cant marry you bc i love someone else' --rachel is the one to stop it and take the blame. she runs out and gets charlotte.

rory tries to apologize for being a dick but charlotte doenst let him and then takes more blame.

you think theyre gonna get married but luckily that doesnt happen.

rory: you know i think you'd make a better wife than best woman

(so he's still trying to trap her)

charlotte: for now why dont we get a slice and watch some figure skating?

rory: i like that.

yeah, those are things HE likes to do. we dont really know what SHE likes to do.

and then they kiss--

i know i said at the beginning that this was an amazing movie and if you've read this far, you're like 'this wasn't amazing'.

i said it was amazing, i didnt say it was good. it was just incredibly messy and i think rory should die.

3\5 stars for being incredibly messy.

[my-castles-crumbling]

ok. hi. welcome anon. again.

um. so my friend - lets say M because i am boring - M and i were on a facetime call. and i told her that i liked the guy. im gonna call him G to give him a name. but um i told her i liked G because she was talking abt her bf already so like we were on the subject. and ofc she freakkked out. not like in a judgy way but yknow. she was excited freaking out. and she goes OH hes obSESSED with you and he literally isnt like im not even sure he likes me and yeah i know he USED to...like a month ago...but idk if he still does!! and im scared. but she asked if she could have his number to text him and i said ok but you are not allowed to imply anything and she said she wont and she'll show me what she texts before sending it. so she texts "hi, this is M" and he said hi. and she says "what do you think of welcome anon bc L (another one of my friends this is confusing sorry) and i think youd be cute together just saying" and he says "are you asking bc welcome anon said something?" and upon seeing that i told her to say no. SHE DID NOT SAY NO. SHE SAID "depends" like GUIRLLL. then she repeats, "what do you think of welcome anon". he says "wdym depends" she says "no comment" he replies, "uh huh. uh but fr she's kinda cute but don't say anything" which freaked me out. so i texted M (we had since been off of ft) and basically just keyboard slammed a million times and. then. she says. "i told him to talk to you." WHAT. WHATTT. and when i tell you my heart dropped. because she did not run this by me. which, i dont have to patrol her texts, but I TOLD HER NOT TO SAY ANYTHING. and he has not messaged me on text or any socials and i am so stressed. and to make it worse M told L about this and L was like "why didnt you tell me" and i was on the edge about telling her because she can be not good at keeping secrets sometimes but now she knows. and L isnt mad or anything. but i am so scared. because like i dont even know if i want to date. i want to tell my mom about this but i dont know how. i dont want things to be awkward. and like,,, hes not texting me. he has not talked to me. and its stressing me out. and i already think i weirded him out because i started to reach out to him the other day (just saying hi) but i panicked and deleted the message before he saw it but he knew i deleted it so he asked what i deleted and i went "oh nothing i meant to text someone else" and he just said "k ig" OK I GUESS?? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???? i am just so confused right now. and stressed. and. i dont know.

sincerely me

Hi hon!

Okay first of all, you know how nervous you're feeling? He's probably just as nervous! These things can be super scary, especially when they're new, so I wouldn't take him not texting as a bad thing. He's probably scared. Imagine how scary it would be to make the first move?

As far as not being ready to date...well, that's something to think about. When/if he texts you, you can decide what you want, you know? It's perfectly okay to say you're not ready and you want to be friends.

(It's also okay for YOU to be the one to make the first move. If that's what you want.)

<3

[ludinusdaleth]

hey, i'm new to cr fandom and wasn't there when c2 was airing, may i ask out of curiosity what was the fandom's problem with its ending?

i want to start by saying this post is meant as a personal memory and not an incitement of any discourse. i do not want a lot of asks or replies or anything about this if i can help it. i would also politely ask that no one reblog this as i really just. dont want attention about this when ive discussed it to death on twitter. i also apologize for not having screenshots but i truly cannot bring myself to wade through that again. it was bad enough i still have nightmares about it.

basically, about 3 eps before c2's end, matt clarified on twitter the campaign was coming to a close, and that. did not go well. you see, folk (myself included, though i wasnt part of the following clown show) were very sure c2 would continue a while. it felt unfinished as the empire/trent had to be taken down, and for some of us ludinus was clearly the big bad, etc. so this was incredibly jarring to a lot of folk. and with that came anger. a lot of critique came down to fear of things being rushed, a lack of closure, claims of extreme neoliberialism due to not taking down the empire (i could write an essay on and cite multiple leftist activists who have stated c2 is truthful to the activist tale, not neoliberalism, and also how c3 deconstructs beau & caleb's actions, but everyone is allowed to have their own opinion on it), and that if shadowgast did not fuck in this short timespan the fans were going to kill liam & matt. and threats of killing were the least of what ensued. im just gonna put a tw here for discussion of extreme harrassment and even threat of necrophilia/rape:

people were. atrocious. beyond atrocious. know why 4sd/a lot of q&a events of theirs for a while had no fan questions? partially bc fans were frankly terrible at asking non-ship questions on talks machina, but mainly because folk FILLED their inboxes with insults (and a twitter account was made of screenshots bragging about it) that only the crew would get to filter out, not the cast. know why dani was terrified to show her face on 4sd for a bit? c2 fans would not let up on how it was her cishet fault fjorjester happened. people thought the solution to alleged neoliberalism was to therefore @ travis saying they would defile his veteran fathers corpse. if there was any solid discussion critiquing c2 happening, it was so drowned that actors who had nothing to do with the show told cr fans to stay away if that was how they treated their favorite creators wanting a break. it really didnt help that a certain disgraced talks machina host was firing potshots on twitter when the cast seemed to be just trying to take it all in, so more discourse was kicked up from him. in general besides all of that, you had the average death & even a few rape threats you would expect from the pits of fan entitlement. the way they were hardly the most notable of the insults hurled their way still rattles the mind. and thats just what i saw. my friends have claimed to have seen worse, but if we can help it we dont discuss it in detail, it's that bad. like i said, any idea of an actual conversation about c2 and how someone felt about it from an analysis perspective was not even a drop in the bucket; there was no actual discourse but rather spitting hatred pouring over that mistook personal grievances for excuses to mistreat quite literally anyone around them who didnt agree that threatening to defile someone was funny bittersweet revenge.

the thing is, after the c2 finale happened? i mean, a lot of folk didnt originally like it (i think it's generally pretty well liked now, and i enjoy it), but it wrapped up a lot of issues pretty well. all that terror & terrorizing over a fictional story was really for nothing. and even if it had ended undebateably badly did anything warrant that fallout?

there are of course a few other factors that seperate cast from fandom now. laura also got innumerable threats from tlou fans for playing some antagonist character, twitter is a dysfunctional shithole, and it's just rational the more popular you get to not be buddy-buddy with fans. but that was. a Time, for sure. c3 is a decent campaign but im far from the first person to note that many of its traits are set in trying to find vox machina's fixed story beats so no story beat is left "unturned" and being as un-m9-like as possible, even when they love the m9. a lot of the worst m9 fans now who harrass other campaign enjoyers and lament c2 being "an unloved middle child" are folk who never left the bitterness they held in that time. for as much discourse as c3 has kicked up i really dont think any of it compares to the sheer scale of what happened late may 2021, and im hoping with all my heart it never does reach that level ever again (i think c3 has a slightly smaller (at least online) fanbase compared to c2, and isnt marked by a pandemic hiatus, so hopefully that means something).

i hope i answered your question. i really hate remembering this time but sometimes i think it should be remembered so folk know what the cost of extreme parasociality is. the distance the cast has from fans now is not only earned but maybe should have always been there, so things never evolved to that extremity. but now it's done and gone. i envy people who watch cr on their own merits and didn't get sucked into twitter at the time; it has been fascinating watching folk say they love the travelercon/aeor arcs and the ending. rewatching later c2 really emphasizes how many complaints hinged on extremely online & parasocial headspaces - you definitely wont hear anyone nowadays say liam is a biphobic cishet abusing matt by not making caleb kiss essek yet. i hope new fans have a better time than we did. oh - and get off twitter.

[joculatrixster]

thank you for replying! -i understand where youre coming from but i feel like some of the points you brought up about scott can't just be boiled down to homophobia if that makes sense- like people see scott as calculated because he calls making allies/friendships a 'social game' etc . and obviously grian and joel berating and teasing jimmy also isn't entirely fine but i think toxicity in the context of an alliance vs a canon-explicit marriage should be weighed differently, but ultimately im not sure that grian is actually necessarily "worse" than scott; while i think grian and joel and jimmy do have an unbalanced dynamic alot of the 'berating' between them is more like 'jimmy you idiot you died to xyz' whereas with scott in 3l it felt a bit more manipulative likewhen scott purposely placed something to scare jimmy and then made fun of him for being scared but. idk

also i think everyone understands that they're friends in real life and nothing ccjimmy is actually uncomfortable with would make it into a video but this is just to think about/interpret their characters within the context of the roleplay/storyline

again this isnt meant as an attack or anything at all - i just wanted to talk about why some people would have a different interpretation of fh!

thats fair, i read ur reply when i was busy i dont remember it well but honestly a fair take ^-^b i dont think it ALL is sorry i didnt make it clear i think the reason its POPULAR is bc scott fans r not rlly the ppl doing this its jimmy fans who dominate the fandom way more, but the fact irs happening to the gay guy IS weird and something to raise a brow to especially when there r more weird extreme fans who take it wayyy too far

it feels unbalanced to me bc it is, grian and joel have more fans in the life series rlly than scott bc most scott fans r just not life series postinfg, so when grian or joel does something mean to others in a similar vien its seen less in a negative light. im going off of memory so forgive me if i get a bit fuzzy w it

scott teases jimmy their friendship is kinda rivalry type thing its rlly just how they r, but ppl r not as used to it which is understandable too. idrc if ppl think scott is a bit manipulative hes just like. vilinized for it or seen as cold when he clearly still cares for his allies? he sacrificed SO much time in lil, he let ppl kill him in secret life, i wish i saw ppl rlly speak more on those better parts of him but also its just more normalized to intpret his actions more cold than it is for say grian who could be seen as cold for how easy he sheds alliances.

every intpretation is fine but w scott it genuinely goes into character bashing territory or just making him the stand in vilian jimmy needs to be saved from in fandom spaces which is agian fine if it happened to other characters who r similarly manipulative or calculating(martyn, scar, impulse even...) but deadass ive never seen anyone but scott put in such a position. which is weird. to me. especially when framed as him being bashed or vilinized for his straight friend who ppl hc he abuses like...ok. but where is the same energy for scar who is deadass evil af in 3rd life and limited life..? scar who destroys the ranch and kills his mother and doesnt apologize for either??? is it bc ppl just like him more so it makes more sense wven he does manipulative stuff??? martyn who is notoriously devisive for his ending and playstyle but in fics like its not great but he tends to not be as hated or put in the same level of bashing pll do for scott? hes prob the closest ive seen to the way scott is seen as an easy stand in vilian but i have not seen it as bad for him?

tho anon no not everyone understands there is a group of ppl who genuinely think scott in real life is an abusive person and actually that inspired my original post bc pll said w their whole chest they think scott is bad and makes jimmy uncomfortable

sorry if this is jumbled the other anon message is turning me into the joker...i get what u mean and i DO think its naunced but ppl REFUSE to acknowledge how weird it can feel for others to see and while i do think there r other factors...this fandom has leaned into homophobia for scott especially more frindge jimmy fans, sorry i think i mixed up a lot of things in my replys i was busy and also i genuinely dont care enough about tumblr anon posting to explain every naunce of an issue ie why i put pearl as a tag on bc the mysongy of all that is not for today thank u ^-^b

[bunnihearted]

⃝ .. 📓 ‧₊˚ 🦢

trying really hard but i cant lie, this hurts like so much actually.... for so many reasons. i didnt only 'lose' the future i wanted and the love i wanted to invest in, but also one of my only two 'safe persons'. which i lost my first one too. and that just stings and hurts x100 worse. esp since i used to believe no one but my mom would ever be a 'safe person' (an avpd thing). i wouldve been like so incredibly lucky if the person i was in love with was also a safe person to me, then smth like a relationship would actually be possible.. but idk maybe it could be possible without that too, just more work ig? but yeah i didnt only lose all that and am not only heartbroken bc someone i truly wanted to be with and love, wont be within my reach anymore. but also.. simply losing a safe person is painful in of itself.

but yeahh. trying really trying bc reality is reality but every single day it all just hurts so much. other ppl might think im insane and maybe nobody gets it, i feel like nobody gets it, but it simply just does hurt. a lot. maybe i just think and feel and operate on different wave lengths than most ppl, but this really did mean so fkn much to me. it was something real and true to me. i could imagine and envision it so vividly i could taste it, and i have never wanted anything more than that. i wouldve and wanted to do everything.... anything.... i dont know i just dont know. bc it was smth so big for me even in the beginning, and the fact that i could even message him every single day.. multiple times a day.. for 3 months.. ppl dont get it but that is like impossible for me. during a week or two i might be able to reply once a day, but mostly im like wow it's been 3 weeks and i havent replied. and yeah thats shitty and i hate that abt myself, but it has to do with my avpd and i have no fkn idea what to do abt it. when i was in school i texted my friends every single day after school and during the night no problem. now thats so hard to me. so the fact that i could do that with him bc i wanted it so bad is a big thing for me in of itself. and i couldve kept going, i wasnt the one who stopped which i always am.. and like this is from my pov, im not one to be mad or upset that someone takes time to reply. i get it. i did get it and i was sad that we didnt talk every day anymore and i felt like i was harrassing him if i wouldve kept saying gm and gn every single day, so i didnt and i wanted to give space and not suffocate... but every single day i wanted to spend every single second with him. im scared that im actually crazy lol...

so... its wild to me to think of but i really couldve just kept going and i wanted to but its not only up to me. i wanted more more more but smth .. i feel like i tried to talk abt certain topics but explained them so clumsily that it got missunderstood and then smth shifted and ... a wall? idk. i dont know. i think and think and think even if theres nothing to do to change the past. but i still go over it obsessively... i wanted more wanted to keep going wanted to evolve it it couldve evolved but then it just stopped and i scrambled to get it back onto the train tracks but idk. i just do not know. what i can know is that from me, i, wanted to keep it going, keep it rolling, until it wouldve naturally ended up in the destination i could see, could taste, wanted. knew and felt it would end up in. thats what i know. i dont know more tho...

i also know that it hurts so bad and im trying to not mind it but like ohmyfuckinggod?????????????? what is wrong with my brain? what is wrong with me????? what normal person does this........

[wellthatsunfortunate444]

this is gonna be a long ass rant about my 'friend' feel free to ignore, i just need to get this out somewhere cuz im literally shaking she makes me so mad <3

i have this friend, S, and she always goes on about how we are so close and she loves me and she hopes college (im in the uk so its college for 16-18) doesnt separate us and that we stay close etc etc.

but then shes such a bitch and i rlly dont know why im still friends with her. shes rlly insensitive about sh, i mentioned to her when i was younger that i did it and she was supportive, but now she makes jokes about it all the time and she doesnt know i didnt stop at 13.

i have a lot of family issues, and shes well aware of them, but she always tries to make me feel guilty about stuff e.g my mum has adhd and my younger brother has autism & adhd (im considered a young carer) and they both have physical health issues, so it can take ages for me to be able to leave the house if im getting dropped off. theres no bus that goes direct to her house (and i dont want to have to walk over an hour everytime i see her. i could but adding on the bus journey i would spend about 2 hours travelling just to see her, and she always insists i go to her so it would be rlly unfair. (i cant have friends over due to multiple reasons and omg does she bitch about that. she could still come to my town with me but she never has)) and i cant afford to uber all the time so my mum often drives me but we are late a lot. ive told her countless times that i cant control when i leave since there are so many outside factors out of my hands, and she always complains when im late and says its disrespectful that i dont turn up on time among other things.

shes an only child and lives with both parents who do everything for her, so she cant even begin to understand how stressful basic things can be for me and my family. my dad doesnt live with me (he also is undergoing treatment for brain cancer which she doesnt give a shit about, and even says stuff like "oh well you can still go out even if hes visiting, its not that big of a deal" if i tell her i cant go out cuz hes over on a break from chemo)

now shes mad at me because we are going to a mutual sleepover tmrw and she wanted to host pre drinks (which i honestly think is kinda pointless) with another friend before walking to the sleepover together. i asked my mum if she would take me and she initially said yes, but then she changed her mind because its easier to drop me to the mutual friends house from mine, and she doesnt see the point in driving further just for me to have to walk 30 minutes from S's house anyway. when i told S, she said that i was making excuses cuz i didnt wanna go, and that i dont make enough effort since if it were her she would just go anyway (ofc she would bc her parents do whatever she wants in fear of her having a tantrum). no matter how much i tried to explain that i cant change my mums mind, and that if i walk the 30 minutes to hers and then walk with her back to where i was dropped then 1. thats over an hour i have to walk for with my big overnight bag which i dont rlly wanna do, and 2. we will be late because im getting dropped when the sleepover starts.

she also brought up the fact that im often late to her, and said i shouldnt cancel the night before but i messaged her in the morning and she didnt reply, and also i only found out my mum would take me today so theres nothing i can do???

she tried to excuse it by saying shes frustrated that i cant go, and i told her thats not an excuse to suggest its my fault or to say im making excuses, and she left me on read.

shes such a bitch i cant wait to go to college and never have to see her again shes so self absorbed.

i get that its annoying, dont you think im fucking annoyed and i have to live it. and i havent even listed all the issues in this post. she only cares about how my life effects her, and never once has she checked if im ok despite me saying im stressed. i get shes not obligated to check on me, but she constantly goes on about how she loves me and she really doesnt act like it. even friends that i barely talk to have checked in on me after hearing about my home life.

i rlly do like her, and we could be so close if she was just less self absorbed. i cant bring myself to see her as a real friend, because she cant accept a giant part of my life and it really fucking hurts.

she makes me feel like im a terrible person, but theres nothing i can do to fix it. i fucking wish my life was more normal but its not and it never will be so highlighting that its not normal does nothing but make me feel like shit.